Kermode & Mayo’s Take - Red One makes Mark explode in birdsong

Episode Date: November 7, 2024

Simon goes on a leafy adventure with Hugh Bonneville to talk ‘Paddington In Peru’, the latest addition to the most kind and polite of all cinematic universes—and for those of us who need cheering up this week, their conversation is just the tonic. The film sees Britain’s favourite bear journey back to his native land with the Brown family on a quest to visit Aunt Lucy. Pass the marmalade sandwiches. Plus, Mark reviews ‘Blitz’, Steve McQueen’s wartime drama starring Saoirse Ronan as a mother attempting to navigate a bombarded London with her young son; Andrea Arnold’s free-spirited social realist drama ‘Bird’ starring Barry Keoghan; and, as we enter the Christmas Corridor, ‘Red One’ in which the North Pole’s head of Security (played by Dwayne Johnson) teams up with an infamous bounty hunter (Chris Evans) to save a kidnapped Santa Claus. Another week of top takes from Mark & Simon! A few extra tickets for our Live Christmas Spectacular have dropped – snap them up here before they go: https://www.fane.co.uk/kermode-and-mayo Timecodes (for Vanguardistas, who also listen ad-free): Bird review: 08:25 Blitz Review: 13:53 Hugh Bonneville Interview: 28:59 Paddington In Peru Review: 45:35 Red One Review: 56:32 You can contact the show by emailing [e-mail] or you can find us on social media, @KermodeandMayo EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/take Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee! A Sony Music Entertainment production. Find more great podcasts from Sony Music Entertainment at sonymusic.com/podcasts and follow us @sonypodcasts To advertise on this show contact: [e-mail] And to find out more about Sony’s new show Origins with Cush Jumbo, click here Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, Teg listeners. We're coming to you from Vanuatu to talk about NordVPN. Well, you are. I'm in Tristan da Cunha, the British overseas territory in the South Atlantic. Well, fancy that. Anyway, we could be anywhere in the world, that's the truth. With NordVPN's help, we can unlock content and streaming services from right back at home, and 111 other countries with absolutely no problems. And I'm not suggesting there is, but if anyone on Tristan da Cunha was trying to hack me, they'd find it pretty hard. My online activity is totally safe with encryption, dark web alerts and tools to secure public Wi-Fi.

Not only that, it's the fastest on the market. If Tottenham are playing in the 5.30 kickoff, that's a lovely half past four in Tristan da Cunha, but half past three in the morning Pacific time, I can stream it as if I'm right there in showbiz North London. So I have had a fantastic marketing idea. Okay. Mark. Yes. Uh, hello, by the way. Did you know, can I just say I used to know someone whose surname was by the way. It looked like it was spelled Bithwy, but it was literally By The Way. Really? Yeah, this is a real thing. Her name was Bev, by the way. People say, this is Bev, by the

way. It's a real thing. Wow. There was a guy who was a librarian at Warwick University, and they all had their kind of names on the desk. His name was William Pine Coffin. He may well say, no, that's Pinnacoffee. But you would think somewhere, if your name's Pine Coffin, you're going to go, should we just change this? Pine is a lovely name. Why spoil it by adding Coffin? Anyway, my top marketing idea, which knowing the ingenuity of the people who listen to this show, may well become a reality in the same way that many years ago we fantasised about the idea of having an iWitter app so that you could see if you were close to, was it called the iWitter app?

It was the iWitter. You could see if there was another Wittertainee in the... Near you. I think you based it on Grindr. Yes. And that's right, it wasWitter. It was the iWitter. You could see if there was another wittertainee in the... Near you. I think you based it on Grindr. Yes. And that's right. It was Witter. That was W-I-T-T-R. Oh, T-T-R. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so this is even better. So if the marketing department of the redactor is listening, why that we should have, I don't know how quickly we can get this sorted, an advent calendar,

which has 1,408 days. Please don't quibble with the maths. That's give or take, and I haven't worked out the leap years, but it's roughly right. Every day, you open the window and there's something joyful in there for 1,40500 days. What do you think? Somebody sent me a picture of an advent calendar. I was presuming this was doing the rounds. They sent it to me on Instagram. It's an advent calendar of Hans Gruber falling from the top of the Nakatomi Tower. Every day you move him closer to certain death. Right, okay. In what way does that tell the story of the coming of our Lord? As Bill Hicks used to say, that's the story of Jesus.

Daddy, a goldfish left a Lincoln log in me sock drawer. That's the story of Jesus. By the way, and I say this without further need for discussion, it's Stress Awareness Day today. We speak on Wednesday. Is it? Yes, Stress Awareness Day. So just time to… I don't need a day to be aware of stress. I'm aware of it every day. Exactly. Anyway, you're very welcome. This is take one. Take two has landed adjacent to this here pod. What are we going to be doing in this one, in part one? Well, it's a packed show. We have reviews of Bird, which is the new film by Andrea Arnold. We have

a review of Red One because we are now in the Christmas corridor. We'll be catching up with Blitz, the Steve McQueen film, which is in the chart, opened last Friday. We didn't have time to cover it last week. And Paddington in Peru with our very special guest. Who is Hugh Bonneville? It seems like a good week to be going to see a Paddington film. It does, doesn't it? Really. By the way, what is a Christmas corridor and where is it? And can I walk down it if I need to? Is that like as you approach the grotto, that's right, you go down the Christmas corridor? I think officially Christmas starts the minute that Halloween is finished. I think that's

the way it works, isn't it? The minute everyone's trick or treated, we're in the Christmas corridor. We're also now officially in the awards corridor. So I think the Christmas corridor and the awards corridor sort of intersect. Are there two lanes to this corridor? Yes, I think there must be because the Christmas corridor stops on December 26th. What about the new 25th? Yes, same again. And the New Year corridor as well. Anyway, yes, Hugh Bonneville. So we're going to talk about the new Paddington movie.

Fab, fab, fab. Paddington in Peru. And lots of your correspondents of course. And also in take two, bonus subscribers, Vanguardistas, the weekend watch list, we cannot list TV movie of the week, questions and smestians. And you can get all this via, oh, and also some premium reviews of course, from Mark, which will be? Yes, Piece by Piece, which is a documentary told in Lego animation style. And also there is a 4K reissue of Point Break. Have you ever fired your gun in the air and gone argh? I'm sorry?

Have you ever fired your gun in the air and gone argh? I see. All on Apple Podcasts or go to extra takes.com for non-fruit related devices, seven day free trial. Still seven days. Okay. Seven day free trial. And if you're already a Vanguard Easter, as always and in perfect unison, we salute you. We salute you. We salute you. We do indeed. An email from Owen who says, dear charmers and cul-de-cot, greetings from Sonny Wandsworth from me and Jess the Wonder Poodle, nearly 17 years old. Mark's conversation with Ben Babysmith about the

reissue of the great film Carrie and his musings on how it was turned into a notoriously disastrous Broadway musical sparked memories as I am one of the select band who actually saw it and even printed a review. Mark may not be aware that even more bizarrely, it was presented by Britain's prestigious Royal Shakespeare Company and was given a rather token three-week run in Stratford before transferring directly to Broadway for its run of 16 previews and five performances before closing at a $22 million loss at today's prices. At the time I was at college near Stratford and submitted the occasional theatre review to my local student Rag.

Intrigued by the odd concept, I took a chance and phoned the press office of the RSC to ask for a press ticket and to my surprise they said yes. I went to the final preview, sitting in a prime seat in the centre stalls which in 1988 would have cost £13.50 plus a complimentary programme for a quid. The pedigree was promising. Songs by Michael Gore, brother of Leslie, It's My Party Gore. I had written all the songs for Alan Parker's film of fame, choreography by Debbie Allen who had played Lydia in fame, and even featuring the wonderful Darlene Lover Phil Spector fame as Miss Gardner, the nice high school teacher. This is what I put in my printed review. Hopefully this is just some of it. I really don't know what to make of this one. A

slightly strident but basically very tuneful and appealing score has been married to a production utterly lacking in the warmth and humanity vital to make us care about the character's fate. Nor did it build up to the prom atmosphere nearly as successfully and the bucket of blood was absurdly anticlimactic, little more than a smudge. Apparently a full bucket had continually made Carrie's microphone malfunction. They also omitted the brilliant shock ending, though admittedly that would have been pretty difficult to reproduce on stage. The biggest problem was undoubtedly the technical aspects. In no way was this show fit to face the press the next day. The whole thing ground to a halt twice because The House, a very simple set, refused to return backstage. The amplification

was also lamentable with sound levels wobbling all over the place. Overall, many good aspects, but I really cannot see it having a long future on Broadway. Well, you got that right. Wow. Well, I wish that I had been there to see it. It was famously revived later on, but it was, as I said, it gave its name to the title of a book about the worst ever Broadway disasters, which is called Not Since Carrie, because that was the phrase. Not since Carrie, that's literally the name of the book. So it became the textbook disaster. Oh, and thank you for the email at correspondence at comandamayor.com. Top reviews, of course, top films to go and see,

some indifferent films to go and see maybe. What goes first? Okay, Bird, which is the latest from Andrea Arnold, who's the British director behind such poetically realist gems as Red Road, Fish Tank, American Honey. She made the documentary Cow a couple of years back, which was a very movingly told story of the life of a dairy cow. Back to narrative features now with Bird, which is interesting because it's kind of inflected with an optimistic streak of magical realism, which is a little bit of a departure. So you get Adams, who is yet another sort

of brilliant screen discovery is Bailey, a young girl on the cusp of coming of age who lives with her father Bug, played by Barry Kjogun. Bug has announced that he is going to marry his new girlfriend. He's also got himself a toad, which sweats hallucinogens, but only when exposed to the right kind of music. Here's a clip. I want to give a warm welcome to this little darling. All the way from Colorado. Woo! Hey listen, listen, listen. So she likes a little bit of a slime,

if you know what I mean. You know what I mean? But when she slimes, she gives off this, um, fucking, uh. A little bit of a jelly. There you go, there you go. So I need a little slime for the wedding. I need a bit of cash, man.

You know what I mean? Ha, yeah. She wants a DJ. I got Kaylee on, it-mo for the wedding. I need a bit of cash, man. You know what I mean? Ah, yeah. She wants a DJ. I'm not Kaylee. All I ask is Kaylee, yes. I'm going to sing a little song to her. Come on. It needs to be sincere. Honestly, it's your slo-mo. Sincere. Everybody's sincere, you know. She likes cold bed. She likes yellow from cold bed.

He sounds a long way from the microphone. It sounds like one of those badly mic'd press conferences where you can't hear what anyone is saying. Well that's partly because the whole thing has a very hand-held, verite feel to it. I just love the idea of in order to make the toad slime hallucinogens, you have to play sincere music like Yellow by Coldplay. Anyway, meanwhile, Bailey's mum is living with an abusive thug who is a danger to her and her children. Her only escape is watching birds, which have a kind of Kes-like quality. She films birds on her phone. Then one day out in the fields, she meets a man who calls himself Bird, played

by Franz Rogowski, who was so great in passages. He says that he's come to find his family and that he used to live in the same building as Bailey. But he's got this kind of otherworldly quality. He spends a lot of time standing on the top of buildings like a kind of unsuperhero-y version of Batman. And he sort of becomes a kind of guardian angel figure and Bailey offers to help him find his family. So this is shot by Robbie Ryan, again, who gives us that sense of unobtrusive, urgent intimacy that's been his trademark. There is a backdrop of teenage gangs and vigilante violence, drug dealing, teen pregnancy, which is very much Verite Grit, which again is an Arnold trademark. But there is also something that reminded me of her screen adaptation of Wuthering Heights, which of course, Wuthering Heights is a kind of is a Gothic story with a kind

of ghostly thing at its heart. And in the case of this, there are many outdoor scenes very much evoke the tactility of Andrea Arnold's Wuthering Heights. But there is also something else going on. Now, I don't want to say anything more about it because I think actually the film sort of tells its story as it needs to do. I will say this, I'm not sure that it all works and I think that the audience are asked to take a leap of faith at one crucial point that I think some of them won't. But I think that what the film is trying to do is to make a kind of optimistic leap of faith. I think there are certain issues. I think the performance of Bird feels sort of rather theatrical,

of Franz Rokowski feels sort of rather theatrical. It made me think a little bit of Catherine Hunter in that version of the Shakespeare adaptation, Macbeth being kind of sort of rather more brilliant. There's also a strange thing about Barry Keoghan because Keoghan, as I understand, was going to be in Gladiator 2 and then didn't do it in order to do this. But he is kind of an odd absence in the film. He's sort of there, but he isn't there. So for me, those two were a little bit kind of silent. But brilliant central performance. As I said, I think the leap of faith doesn't entirely work, but I kind of went with it, not least because it felt like a positive move. And I mean,

So what sort of leap of faith are we doing? I mean, something happens in which the film takes a turn into the surreal. That's what I mean by magical realism, but it's done in a way, and I don't want to say any more than that. I think actually the film hints very clearly at what's going to happen. I think there are some audiences will just not go with it, will just go, no, I'm sorry, that's just silly. For me, I thought, okay, it doesn't quite work, but it's a very audacious thing to have done. And I think that at its heart, it does it because it wants to paint a positive picture. And I think it tries very hard to do that. It's certainly not one of Arnold's best, but even when she's not at her best, she's one of our most

brilliant filmmakers. Okay. So box office top 10 time. And let me see where we're going to go here. Number 15 is Blitz. So explain where we are with Blitz because it's cinema and then it's streaming. Yes. So basically this is coming to Apple Plus in a couple of weeks. It was the opening film at the LFF. This is the new film by Steve McQueen, a Turner Prize winning British artist behind Hunger, Shame, 12 Years a Slave. The first black film. He mentioned it a couple of times when he came in to talk about his movie about the Dutch resistance. To talk about Occupied City. Yeah, absolutely.

We made a couple of references to Blitz so we know a little bit about it. Yeah. So like I said, it's having a relatively limited theatrical release at the moment. I think that theatrical release widens out in the next week or so. And then it comes to Apple TV+. So this is written and directed by McQueen. It's a war time, a World War II drama with a difference. It's a film set during the Nazi bombardment of London, but it centers on the people on the ground, specifically a single mother, Rita played by Saoirse Ronan, and her young son, George, who's played by Elliot Heffernan,

who's a screen newcomer. Rita lives with her dad, Gerald, who is played in wonderfully understated fashion by somebody who I was half the way through the film before I went, that's Paul Weller. I mean, it's a brilliant bit of casting because- Really? Yeah. Wow.

Yeah, exactly. So much so- Paul Weller? Him out the jam from the Style Council? So much so that I was, I'm not making this up. I was halfway through the film before it clicked that that's who it was. Anyway, so Rita works at a factory. She's also a singer. She broadcasts on the radio at one point, which is something that really did happen from factories. Then George is told that he has to be evacuated and he doesn't want to be evacuated and he particularly doesn't want to be separated from his mom. Here's a clip.

Why can't you come with me? from his mom, here's a clip. games in the countryside. That'd be nice. There'd be cows and there'd be horses. But they smell. I want to stay with you. Yeah, I know. But of course he can't. So he gets evacuated. But when he's on the train going to wherever he's going to, he jumps off the train and starts a long journey back to bombed out London. So the film's got 12-A certificate and it's definitely intended to be viewable by younger audiences.

I spoke to Steve McQueen about this. I know it came up in your conversation as well, but it is definitely a film that is aimed at, you know, you don't have to be a kid, but it is absolutely aimed at a young audience as well. It had a bit of a Children's Film Foundation feel to me. And I don't say that as a criticism because we live in a world in which most films for 12-year-olds are Marvel superhero movies nowadays. And it was really good to see something that was actually

aimed at a younger audience that wasn't franchise fodder. And on the one hand, it's a kind of, it's a boy's own story, you know, with a kind of incredible adventure that happens to involve racism, violence, and extreme peril. It's got very big production values. There's a scene very early on in which a plane crashes into a building, which is kind of there to say, you know, you're going to get spectacle as well as everything else. I mean, it is a gripping adventure. It wrestles with a lot of complicated issues, and it is a rattling yarn and often very moving. Again, not without flaws. There is a section in which it literally seems like George has stepped out of a war film into

a Dickens pastiche. I think that that section kind of borders on the untenable because it seems to be kind of parodic and overstated. But there are also some brilliant scenes. There's scenes of people going into the tube stations during the bombings, being shut out of the tube stations during the bombings. There's one scene in which there's a flood of water and it's filmed like a terrifying action sequence. It's really, really nail-biting. It helps that Saoirse Rona never puts her foot wrong. She's a very believable presence. I think some people might think, because you think about Steve McQueen's pedigree, you might think it's McQueen light. But I do think that in an age in which 12 year olds are basically expected to just have superhero fodder, it is a breath of fresh air because it isn't that. So I said, not

without flaws, but its heart is solidly in the right place. And I compare it to the Children's Film Foundation. And I mean that as a compliment. What's Paul Weller's character called? Is he George? No, Paul Weller's character is the dad. Is the dad. And does he, when you, during the bombing, does he go down in the tube station? I knew you were going to. When he's going underground, you know. Oh, why didn't I do all these jokes? Why didn't I do them all? Well, you know,

here's the thing. He hasn't acted before, but at least this is a start. Okay. This is a whole, if only, if only I'd seen the film and been ahead of the case. But also, like I said, it is true that most 12 certificate movies are, they are superhero movies, but hey, this is the modern world. When does this stop? Most of it takes place in the city. It hasn't stopped. Back to the chart then. I'm sure funeral pyre can come into it somewhere. So okay, so that's Blitz at number 15. Number 10 is Dura number two.

So I've got an email here. Oh yeah, fine. You do the email first. Okay, Paul says, I recently watched Dura number two and found it quite enjoyable. I suspect the film may have been an allegory based on Clint Eastwood's political leanings. Those that you think are the good guys are in fact the bad guys and vice versa. While I've seen and read nothing to support my suspicion, I did read that the film had a surprisingly limited cinematic release in America.

The journalist pondered whether Eastwood had fallen foul of the studio, resulting in such a limited release. Do you think there's anything to this? Thank you, Best Riches from Paul. Anything else? Jura number two. In America, firstly, it was going to go straight to streaming. Then it ended up getting a sort of, I think it was a 50-screen release, which is very small for a Clint Eastwood movie.

What was the phrase? Did he say, I quite enjoyed it? I think that's about right. I mean, it's a functional if kind of unremarkable courtroom drama. It was Nicholas Holt is a juror who's involved in a trial whose belief in the innocence of the person on trial threatens to backfire on him. Again, I don't want to give away the plot, but it's solidly done. It's very workmanlike. I suspect that it didn't get a bigger release because the studio didn't think it had a particularly big audience. I don't think it's some kind of political thing. Clint Eastwood

always makes movies in which the people in charge are untrustworthy. It does raise some interesting moral and legal issues, but it felt like the kind of thing that you're not going to lose anything by seeing it on a streamer. What happened to Dura No. 1? Is that too much to ask or is that part of the plot? It's a sequel. If you haven't seen Dura No. 1, you won't see Dura No. 2 number two won't make any sense at all. Singam again is number nine. So this is an Indian action film that wasn't press screen. So if anyone's seen it, let us know. It is the fifth installment in the cop universe franchise, apparently. Transformers one is at number eight.

My second favorite Transformers movie. Number seven is Boolier 3. So this is apparently- I'm just forgetting the pronunciation a bit. Oh, that is Labyrinth 3. Again, this wasn't a press screened Hindi language comedy horror film. The third instalment of the Labyrinth franchise, hence the name Labyrinth 3. Again, if anyone's seen it because they didn't show it to the press, let us know. Anorah is a new entry at number six. I love Nora. I think Sean Baker is a brilliant filmmaker. I think it's got an absolute dynamite performance at the heart of it. It's a long film and yet it never feels it.

It grabs you and just propels you along with an extraordinary emotional energy. And as always, what Sean Baker is doing is talking about people in a sort of marginalized world who are fully rounded, fully fleshed out characters. I think he's a really remarkable filmmaker. This is currently shaping up as a big awards favorite and I really hope it does well at awards corridor. Pardon me. Yes. Remember which bit of the corridor you're in as we walk down three at the same time. Carl says, Dear Drs. Gigolo and Glory, the plot is nothing on paper and certainly nothing new, but Anora is a wild, exuberant, genuinely breathtaking film. It's a film about power ultimately, but I guess they all are. Specifically, it's a film about the power of enormous wealth and how carelessly and cheerfully the rich will use

and discard the poor. It's also one of the funniest films of the year, for sure, with spectacular performances and some of the greatest party scenes ever filmed. The final scene of the film is particularly wonderful, as we see Annie dealing with the world as she has throughout the film and presumably throughout her adult life by using the power of her sexuality to take control, at least ostensibly, and then we see beyond that, beyond the brash, confident mask, and oh my giddy aunt, it broke me like an old meringue. And if that's not an established phrase, it certainly should be. By the way, for the attention of Simon, Just a Jiggle-O

and I Ain't Got No Body by David Lee Roth was a straight cover of those two songs by Louis Prima, which is in my opinion the best version as it did the one referenced by De Niro in Mad Dog and Glory. Okay. So thank you very much. Was it David Lee Roth who did the cover version? Is that right? Was it David Lee Roth who did the cover version? Is that right? Yes, that's right. So he's saying David Lee Roth did a straight cover of a song by Louie Prima. Of a song that Louie Prima did of bolting those two songs together. Okay, cool. And Nora at number six. Number five is Smile 2. Perfect popcorn movie. Really enjoyed it. Really exciting. Great central performance and a couple of good scares. Number four is Small Things Like These.

Ben Ive on the email here. Small Things Like These is not a story of someone standing up and changing the way the world is in any huge way. As we're reminded at the end of the film, and I always want to say Maudlin Laundries, but it's the Magdalen Laundries, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, I've never understood the Magdalen Maudlin thing, but I think it is Magdalen, yes. And it's only Magdalen College. College. Everything else is Magdalen, yes.

So the Magdalen Laundries continued. Billy Furlong doesn't have the power, the money, the chance to change the world in a way that would be recorded in history. What he does have is the chance to help one person improve one life. Even this small act in itself will have enough repercussions on his life and takes a huge amount of bravery. By the end of the film, however, as he takes that young girl's hand and leads her into the house,

it certainly felt like a momentous act to me. It took me back to the moments in which one kind person has turned to me and pulled me out of my lowest moment, my darkest night. In a world where it can feel like we can change nothing, I think this beautiful quiet story reminds us that small things like these can have the largest impact on those around us. Thank you, Ben. Yeah, I mean, that's beautifully put. And I'll just repeat what I said last time, which is that Killian Murphy and his ability to transmit intense emotion through

the tiniest facial gesture, it is remarkable. I've often said I don't really understand acting. It is like alchemy or magic or something. But what he does in that film is so small, and yet it has such weight. I think he's one of the greatest actors of his generation. Miss Thea on our YouTube channel, is Killian wearing contacts in this role in order to prevent his piercing blue eyes from overshadowing his micro expressions? I couldn't figure out why he looked so different, but I think that might be it as well as his incredible acting chops, obviously. That's interesting that you would tone down his eyes maybe. Would that be right?

Honestly, it hadn't occurred to me and I don't know. I'd have to go back and look. I mean, he has got piercing blue eyes, but I mean, I don't know what the answer to that is. I do know that his face seems completely different in this film than it does in, for example, Oppenheimer. Heretic is at number three. Hugh Grant is in the best part of his career at the moment. It's like he's never been this reliably good before. I really liked Heretic. I think in its final movement, it loses some of its steam. But him playing the guy who welcomes in the two Mormons, yes, yes, come in, of course, come in and discuss religion, and then does the thing about you're free to leave, and

yet they don't. It's a brilliant bit of casting and he's great in it. Engineered Lifeform, again on our YouTube channel, many years ago we had some Mormon missionaries knock at our door and asked my housemate, have you ever wondered where the universe came from? Why yes I have, said my ex-Catholic PhD astrophysicist housemate. Come on in. We did not serve them pie, however. Steve Thomas says, Hugh Grant delivers career best work in my opinion and the two main female leads are no slouches either, especially Sophie Thatcher. They are very likeable protagonists from the get-go despite my non-religious stance, especially Mormonism, and you truly want them

to come out on top. That's heretic at number three. Venom, the last answer, two? I mean, you know, I never really understood the Venom series and I thought this was just an absolute car crash. But you know, that's it. This is its moment in the sun and then it'll disappear. But they've proved very profitable. And The Wild Robot is at number one. Very sweet, lovely on the eye, moving. Reminded me of other films that I love, like Silent Running and Wall-E. It's nice to see it at number one because it means it is charming a lot of viewers. After a short break, Mark, what are you going to be reviewing, please? Coming up after the short break, Mark suddenly has to go back to his script.

Oh, it's time for our special guest. Yes, it's Paddington Week. So we're going to be speaking to Hugh Bonneville after this. Hey, it's Ben here. Now, you know, the take is sponsored by Better Help. This month is all about giving gratitude. So how about this, right? The person who found my daughter's bag that had her debit card and her cash in it and went out of their way, completely stranger to make sure through the bank, through various means she got that bag back, you are appreciated, you get gratitude. And we should not forget to give ourselves a little bit of gratitude whenever we can because you know the world's an overwhelming place at the best of times and honestly like BetterHelp gave me the tools to help me be nicer to myself, gentler to myself,

helps make me more content and confident out in the wild. So look, if you're thinking of starting therapy, you could try BetterHelp. It's totally online, it's convenient, it's flexible, suited to your schedule, no matter how crazy that gets. And with over 5,000 therapists in the UK already, BetterHelp can provide access to a wide variety of mental health expertise. So let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash Kermode. That's betterhelp, h-e-l-p dot com slash Kermode. This episode is brought to you by Mubi, a curated streaming service that brings you the best of cinema. Nothing but ambitious films by visionary filmmakers, each thoughtfully

handpicked by Mubi's curators. If there was ever a sign that Divine Intervention existed, this is it. Because I'm back to talk to you again about The Substance, which is my favourite film of the year so far. This is an absolutely brilliant jaw-dropping masterpiece from Carly Fajard. It stars Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley, and it is one of those body horror films that is incredibly deep and weird and strange and provocative, absolutely thrilling. It's one of the things that reminds you that films at their best are one of the most exciting things

on the planet. I absolutely love this film. It won best screenplay it can. Frankly, it should have won everything. It's fab. You can try MUBI free for 30 days atubi.com slash Kermit and Mayo. That's m-u-b-i dot com slash Kermit and Mayo for a whole month of great cinema for free. When Henry III chose his royal advisors, he ended up with some very untrustworthy power

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businesses worldwide that use Indeed to hire great talent fast. And listeners of this show will get a £100 sponsored job credit to get your job's more Okay, so this week's guest is Hugh Bonneville for Paddington in Peru. Again, not much of an intro needed really. He was in Notting Hill, which you might forget. Anyway, he's back as Henry Brown accompanying the little bear to visit his aunt Lucy in South America. Mr. Hunter? Ah, better make an announcement. Oh. Ah. Help me go. Oh!

Oh dear. Good morning. Please could the Brown family pop up to the front of the boat for a slight but emergency. That is a clip from Paddington in Peru. I'm delighted to say we are speaking to the main man. Not Paddington, but obviously that's Hugh Bonneville. How are you, Hugh? Very well, lovely to see you. Lovely to see you. And I just want to paint the picture because normally when these interviews happen,

they're often in hotels, as indeed we are in a hotel. But this one smells like a greenhouse because you have not just taken over this floor. Just describe the kind of the vibe of this room. Well, here we are in the conservatory at 32 Windsor Gardens. Oh, sorry. Yeah, it used to be just glass panels,

but then since we came back from Peru and Paddington really wanted a taste of home to come back with him. So we went down to various shopping centers and the result is, as you can see, takes a lot of watering and it's quite humid in here it is and Soon the parakeets will join in and the various tropical birds that we brought back But it's nice to give makes Paddington feel a little more. Yeah, you've certainly gone the extra mile. I would say

To make you feel as though we are all indeed in Peru So just in so introduce us to the film and the idea of the third film and where you're taking I mean, obviously you're taking us to Peru. You just introduce us to the film and the idea of the third film and where you're taking, I mean obviously you're taking us to Peru, just give us an introduction to the film. Well Paddington's just received his British passport, so he's now free to travel and at the same time a letter arrives from South America from the home for retired bears saying that something's up with Aunt Lucy, she's not quite herself So Paddington and the family decide this is the opportunity to go and visit her when we arrive We discover that aunt Lucy has gone off on her own adventure Which is very unusual and that's where the story and the sort of mystery begins. Was there always going to be a third film?

I think there seemed to be when we did discussions on the second They said maybe there'll be a third, not quite sure. How intimately involved were you with that decision? Well, not at all, none actually. But I do remember Paul King soon after, just as we were opening the second film. Who was the director? Sorry, he was the director of the first two films.

Was, I can see him making notes and thoughts about a third one. So there was certainly an early idea. And then he went on to do Wonka and handed over the reins to Dougal Wilson, who had been busying himself away with the look and the feel and the development of the third film. And this is his debut.

And this is his debut. I mean, he'd come from the world of commercials and short films and, well, mind you, so had Paul King. Paul King had never directed a movie before Paddington 1. So, but Dougal was really conscious of having big shoes to fill, and so most of the time on set was spent trying to, you know, calm him down and tell him

it was all going to be fine, and that he'd got a great vision, which he had to have to realize. So you're calming the director down. Yes, exactly, yeah. My main job was to fan him in between takes. Most people have seen his, he did a lot of the John Lewis ads. Yes exactly, yeah. My main job was to fan him in between takes. Most people have seen is what he did a lot of the John Lewis ads. Yes. But then Ridley Scott, he did, that was a you know you make ads and then you go on

to make movies. Well that's true, I mean you know it's a perfect calling card and but he had by his own admission it never worked in anything long for anything that's longer than three minutes. So you know suddenly to go into this realm. And then there were stops and starts because of the pandemic and then, you know, availabilities and, you know, tweaking of the script and all that.

So, you know, he was exhausted by the time we started filming, but he did, I think he's done a magnificent job. Seems like a pandemic, which is receding fast in our imaginations, thank heavens, still impact on the movies that we're talking about now. It's still been a part of the production.

Absolutely, and it really has, not just in terms of the development process, but actually in the exhibiting. Let's face it, we all know that the cinema audiences have been down. I mean, theaters bounce back extraordinarily and other live experiences, but cinema's had a tough time, and that affected, just on an economic sense,

the budget on this and you know, corners had to be trimmed, not cut but trimmed, and it actually focused the productions, the producers' minds on what can we afford, what can't we afford because we've got to tighten things up. What couldn't you afford? Flying 200 people to South America was one of the first things I think was a bit of a challenge.

And so there was, don't get me wrong, I mean everything you see on the screen is not computer, I mean apart from certain elements, are not computer generated. All the footage from the Amazon and the rainforest is completely genuine, but with the extraordinary ability to composite stuff, we were able to see ourselves in ravines when we weren't actually on a ravine.

Is it Columbia? We were filming in, they filmed a lot in Columbia and in Peru. Dougal spent two months out there, and the second unit was out there as well for six, seven weeks, filming all those backdrops and all those details. And the rest of us didn't need to go too much outside the M25.

I spoke to Ben Wishaw yesterday just talking about playing Paddington, and it was Paddington in Peru, but he didn't get out of the basement in Soho where he did all his voiceover work. But from your end of it, when you're acting with Paddington, how much of a trial is that? How difficult is it to work when the central character that we've all come to see, apart from yourself and the family, is a tennis ball on a stick? Well, first of all, Simon, and to your viewers and listeners,

that is not the case, Paddington is real, but he does have stand-ins occasionally. And I think on the first film, it was all a bit suck it and see because you didn't quite know how the end result was gonna look. And then when I did see the animation properly come alive for the first time,

the texture and the detail of it really made me realize this is a different level. And so it became extraordinarily real. And we had all various bits of help, like we have a wonderful physical comedian, Javier, who stands in and enacts quite a lot of what Paddington may or may not get up to. We have a voice actor who helps us with the lines.

We have Lauren, who is the same height as Paddington, she walks through all the shots. So we have all sorts of aids to help us and then finally the bear does, around tea time, come out of his trailer and turn the magic on. That's great, okay, so we're in Father Christmas mode. That's where we are, okay, we're keeping the dream alive. Can I check a fact with you?

As you know, Wikipedia is not 100% accurate all the time, but it does say, well I'm going to ask you, where were you born? I was born in Paddington. So Mary's Hospital, the Lindo Wing, along with thousands of others, but I was there for about eight minutes I suppose, and then carted off to South East London. I know, but it's still astonishing.

It's nice, it's nice. Born Paddington, that's what it says. I bet there aren't many actors who could say that. That's probably true actually, yeah. It's a nice and it's a come full circle. But talking of just nice little details like that, Paddington in this film gets his passport. So when the producers wrote off to the home office to say can we use a facsimile of a passport? They actually gave Paddington a passport, which I've seen. And when it says distinguishing features, it says bear, which is very sweet. I've just seen it outside, actually.

They've got it in a little exhibition. And it's a kind of a time, your family, the Brown family, it's a kind of a sensitive time, which one of the reasons that so many people will enjoy this film, children as well well as parents is that these films are very moving and they're very emotional and You and your new your new wife who's your old wife because Sally Hawkins has moved on that and it's Emily Mordesma Who's fantastic, but just explain a little bit about where the Brown family are

Because I think that's at the heart of a lot of the emotion of the film the Brown family are, because I think that's at the heart of a lot of the emotion of the film. Well, yes, in the same way that Michael Bond always wrote stories that were timeless, but were of the time in which he was writing them. So the Browns have aged a little, and so we've got Jonathan as a teenager who sort of won't come out of his room,

and we've got Judy who's about to go to university. So there's a sense of the empty nest about to arrive on the Browns and what's that gonna mean for them as they go into this next phase of life. So that's what the Browns carry with them through the film. But then equally we've got Paddington returning home to Peru and what does home mean? How do you define home?

And I suppose that's the question that's posed and also answered in the film. Is it where you're from, i.e. Peru, or is it where you've ended up, i.e. 32 Windsor Gardens? Can the two be, can they live in harmony? Can these ideas live in harmony? And what does it mean to move on from one home to a new world and perhaps a new home?

So that's quite an emotional thought to think of and I think there'll be many parents watching who will probably hold their little one's hand a little tighter towards the end. And Emily Mortimer makes the, you know, says, I remember when the whole family could sit on a sofa, which is like a meme which sort of recurs all the way through the film, which I think is very powerful

And it does remind you I think that these films Didn't we're not necessarily going to work, you know, but the fact is that they do and They kind of remind everyone when they go and see this film of our better selves, you know, it appeals to What we can be as people and as a country. That sounds a little bit pompous. But that's very much the spirit of the films, it seems to me. I think you're absolutely right. And for all that they are,

Innocent Adventures about a talking bear from Peru, they do have that sense of heart. And they're very clear in the first two films about the sense of the acceptance of strangers. How do we cope with the new neighbour. We've all been the kid at the new school, we've all been fishes out of water wondering who's going to be our friend, who's going to reach out the hand of friendship and look after us. So there's a deep emotional well in these stories and I think this film absolutely holds that close

to its heart as well, the acceptance of difference and the challenges that being in a different environment brings. So they do have great texture, these stories, and great heart, but also a lot of silliness. A joy to film? They are, I mean, they really are. of silliness. A joy to film? They are, I mean they really are. Because sometimes films that are joy to be in

aren't necessarily joy for us to watch. But I think- Yes, absolutely, you can have too much fun and actually turn out something that's not very good. But I think the sense, inspired really by Rosie Allison and the producers and the whole production team, there's such care brought to these stories. And I think it all stems from our love and respect

for Michael Bond. You know, he has created this character that has resonated for decades around the world, and we all wanted to, we all feel a responsibility to try and get it right in his honor. And he was kind enough to give the first film his blessing. I think he said, I came, I saw, I was conquered, which was a lovely phrase.

And he passed away on the last day of the filming of the second film. So this is a huge tribute to him, really, a huge love letter to him and his beloved bear. There is talk of a Paddington musical. Yes, I hear, yes. You? I'm warming up my singing voice, no, I don't think so.

But no, Studio Canal are really pushing the boat out in every direction to protect their and enhance their IP, basically. And speaking of which, I noted just in the last couple of days, Gap, Fortnum & Mason's, Airbnb, and Ferry Non-Bio all have their little bit of Paddington, and probably many others, which they wish to promote. That's really, that's, it's been, I have to say I've been more brand aware this time round than ever before. We even went on a Paddington branded train the other day to Newbury where Michael Bond

was born. So, and we went and we had a lovely evening at the Peruvian Embassy. The Peruvian Embassy are thrilled that the name Peru is being mentioned all over Britain. So I think the Peruvian Tourist Board is holding up for a busy year. What do we see you moving on to? Is it Downton 3? Downton 3 will come out. We finished that, shooting that this summer.

It comes out next September, I believe. So you have finished? We finished that, yes. And that, I think, brings the story to a close, unless this is some sort of weird reboot and someone steps out of a shower but a musical Down to the music I've even heard that rumored goodness me imagine that but it was that was glorious to film and I think will be a sort of in a funny way attribute to The late great day Maggie. I was gonna was going to ask you what that felt like

embarking on that project without Maggie Smith. Well, that time she was still with us, but she wasn't in the movie because... She died. She died in the second movie. But it was... Yes, there was a Maggie-shaped hole in the middle of our team. But I think this will be seen as a great tribute to the final outing.

But I haven't seen it yet and it's obviously still in the editing process. But I think the spirit of it will really please devotees of the show who've been with us for 52 episodes and now three movies. Wow. Are you banned from Graham Norton, by the way? No, you can tune in tonight. Well, you mean after... Well, I said after you did The Monuments Men, which was one of the funniest episodes

I've ever seen with Bill Murray and Matt Damon. Yes. And I think you got up and went to the toilet halfway through. Yeah, well, it was all Bill Murray's fault because he'd insisted that we all, you know, bumper our drinks when we arrived. And he'd already given us a couple at the hotel

before we left. And anyway, by halfway through, a man of my age, and I said, look, just hold on to two shot of them. I need to pop to the loo. You can cut it out. And of course, they didn't cut it out. But it was a memorable evening from what I can recall. Hugh Bonneville, always a pleasure.

Thank you very much indeed. And all the best with Paddington in Peru. Thanks Simon, cheers. Make Peru great again. When I walked away from the interview, and it's always nice to talk to Hugh, he's been on the show a number of times obviously. Remember that time when he showed us

how to fold a bike outside this studio? I do remember that. That was fantastic. That was fantastic. But I, that you have just heard the only interview with Hugh Bonneville talking about Paddington in Peru, which hasn't mentioned Olivia Coleman and also Antonio Banderas who make, who make their mark on this film, but particularly Olivia Coleman, there were so many things I was going to ask you about that. So anyway, I leave them to you, but they are notable stars of this film.

They are. Can I just say on the subject of Hugh Bonneville, I gave him a scare in Soho just yesterday. I was walking down the street and he was walking towards me. And I went, hi. And he looked at me, he had that look, which was, I don't know who you are and you're just a mad member. That's right, you're a mad member of the public. And then he kind of did a double take. He went, oh, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. I've done the thing with Simon. But there was that moment when it was just like,

because obviously if you walk around the streets looking like Hugh Bonneville, every other person is gonna go, all right, can I just talk to you about it? You know, this, that and the other. Anyway, so I apologize. Because of his choices in the films and TV shows that he's done, he must be one of the most recognized actors in Britain at the moment. Exactly. Exactly. Okay. So as we were saying there, this is the first of the Paddington's

not to be directed in current by Paul King, who went off to do Wonka as Hugh said. This is directed by Dougal Wilson, who's also an ad grad making a feature debut. As you mentioned, Emily Mortimer has taken over from Sally Hawking as Mrs. Brown, but the other cast members are back. Just in case you didn't get it from that interview show everybody did, Paddington gets word that Aunt Lucy is pining for him in Peru. So he and the Browns go there, but when they get there, she's disappeared. And they're left with Olivia Coleman's not at all suspicious, because she keeps saying suspicious, mother superior who runs the home for retired bears. So they head off into the jungle in search of Aunt Lucy

and that search means that their paths end up crossing with Antonio Banderas' river boat owner and a general quest for El Dorado. So sending your characters abroad is basically something that sequels do when they kind of think, okay, well, what are we gonna do next? And particularly with a character like Paddington, it's a very tricky thing because the thing with Paddington is when he's in the UK, he's like, you know, he's a fish or a bear out

of water who comes to reflect and typify the very best of what we can be. I mean, you said this in the interview and it's absolutely true. I mean, it's a credit to Michael Bond that his creation is one of those things that we now think of as a great avatar of our better selves. You know, he had tea with the queen in that film and this episode starts with him getting a British passport and none of that. So when you go abroad, you take away that key element and you replace it with something else

and you replace it with a sort of sightseeing adventure. And I have to say that in general, I've never found that to be a good swap. However, as Hugh Bonneville was saying, at its heart, this is a film about family, the brown kids are growing up, the parents are worried about empty nesting, Paddington is away from his tribe, he wants reuniting with his aunt. The messages of the film are the difference between tribe and family, the fact that family are worth more than gold, the difference between where you're from and where you call home. These are all good, solid messages. The best thing about

the film is, I think, Olivia Colman's flying and singing none is just because it's kind of, you know, it's a cross between Sally Field and Julie Andrews with a touch of Helen Reddy from Airport 75 and this kind of, this man- And menace. And menace. And as she keeps saying, not suspicious at all. Not suspicious at all. And one of my favourite things is, well, God moves in suspicious ways. I think it's mysterious.

I mean, she's consistently funny all the way through. There are also some unexpected cinema gags. The first time you see Antonio Banderas' character, it's a joke about Fitzcarraldo. I mean, it's a joke about a Verna Herzog film. He's on a boat with a gramophone playing opera. I go, wow, I did not expect to see a Fitzcarraldo gag there. Then there's the Indiana Jones thing with the huge boulder and the action adventure thing. There's a perilous rope bridge crossing. So you get a lot of those kind of nods. Sanjeev gets a one line cameo, so it's good to see.

Will Barron Yes, definitely needed more Sanjeev. Will Barron Yes, everything generally needs more Sanjeev. And then there is the weird thing that you need to stay through the credits. And when I say through the credits, I mean all the way through the credits because without, without giving anything away, there is a sort of scene steal or the two scene stealing moments in the credits. Let me just say it would be heresy not to stay for the credits. Did you think I managed that? All right. I think, yes.

I mean, I think I've already. I mean, have you already? I think so. But anyway, but it did make me, let me ask you a question. Yes. Because I enjoyed it enormously. Yes. I don't, it's not as good as Paddington 2. No, it isn't. I think it is the weakest of the three Paddington films.

But I still enjoyed it. Yes. But the bit that you're talking about now that's through the credits and at the end of the credits, and there are, as with any animated film or a film that has some kind of animation in it, there are millions of people involved. So you do have to hang around for five minutes. But I wonder if when you've seen that, it reminds you how good Paddington 2 was. And in fact, the danger of that. And in fact, that is literally what I have written here in my notes is that the danger no, no, it's fine. I mean, it means we're on the same page is that you are left with a reminder of how much

you enjoyed the previous instalment. So, as I said, I think it is a generic problem with taking Paddington out of the environment in which the character really makes sense and taking him somewhere else. And it's something that sequels do because they feel that they have to. And like I said, what it does is it swaps one thing for another thing and the other thing is basically scenic adventure, which is fine. It's not really what I want from a Paddington movie. But then there's Olivia Colman being suspicious and then there's the joke about Fitzcarraldo and then there's the bit at the end. There's another plus. So I think I'm right in this, but Child One messaged me and because Child One is trying to find a movie to take Grandson One too, and he's two and a bit. Right.

So he's seen Studio Ghibli on a television. Yeah, sure. And he said, what do you think? And Paddington in Peru, I would say, has the least, the fewest scares. So Paddington one and two actually had some moments of genuine peril, which for younger viewers they might find scary. Paddington in Peru doesn't really have that. And so I would say of all the films, it is the most suitable for taking very young children to.

It has lots of adventure, but you're right, very little. Even the perilous rope bridge isn't very perilous, although this does remind me of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I want to go back and face some of the peril. It's far too perilous. Can't I just have a bit of peril? Okay, very good. So Paddington in Peru, It's a good week to have a new Paddington movie out. So watch one, watch two, and then go to the cinema and watch Paddington in Peru. It's the ads in a minute, Mark, something which is one of those things. First, it's time to step again with gay abandon and a sense of, no, we really do need this. Into

the laughter lift. Hurrah. Okay. For the first time, I'm excited. Yes. It's brief, but we'll go for it. Okay. Hey, Mark. Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is out of control, but cases continue to rise. Hey. Very good. Why did the friend... Now this works on paper. Okay. And I will do my best to make it perform off the page. Okay. Why did the French chef want to die? I don't know. Why did the French chef want

to die? He lost his... ...wheel d'olive. Okay. Olive oil. Oh, well, we'll we'll we'll we'll do the fun. We did. Okay. Yeah. You said works on the page. Okay.

Works on the page. What and once more with feeling here we go. Sadly mark my obese carrot. My obese parrot. Okay, my obese parrot. Is a war winning stuff. Yes, my obese parrot. Okay. My obese parrot. This is award winning stuff. My obese parrot, Captain Jeremy, died this week after a long illness. Heartbreaking. But I have to say, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

Thank you very much. We're moving on. What have we got coming up, Mark? We've got a review of Red One, which is the new Christmas movie starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson and Chris Evans. All on the way. Hey, Mark, I find that I've been thinking recently about merch. Merch? Yes, merchandise, especially all those goodies we have for sale online. You know, branded mugs, t-shirts, water bottles, you name it.

The torch, the director's chair, the full works. I wish someone had told me about Shopify, the all-in-one commerce platform to start, run and grow your own business. I know all about that. So Shopify is the commerce platform revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide, whether you're selling herrings or Harrington jackets with the Tate logo on the back. Shopify simplifies selling online and in-person so you can successfully grow your business. Shopify even gets you selling across social

media marketplaces like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok with industry-leading tools. Get Shopify today. Sign up for a £1 per month trial period. Can't we fix this? Shopify.co.uk slash... Curmode. All lowercase. All lowercase. I mean, what is wrong with Kermode and Mayo? It's easy to be Mayo just for once. It's easier to spell Kermode. They've gone for Shopify.co.uk slash, let's say it together, Kermode. I'll tell you what's unfair. Subscription streaming services hide thousands of shows and movies from you based on your location and then have the nerve to keep increasing their prices on you. You could just cancel your subscription in protest or you could

be smart about it and make sure you're getting your full money's worth by using ExpressVPN. Based on your location, you're missing out on all kinds of fantastic titles from streaming services. ExpressVPN lets you change your online location so you can control where you want those streaming services to think you're located. For example, Mark, what am I missing out on? Films, series, back catalog stuff, absolutely anything. Tons of classics. But with ExpressVPN, there's no obstacle. You open it, click one button, you've got access. So be smart, start paying full price for streaming services and only getting access to a fraction

of their content. Get your money's worth at expressvpn.com slash Kermode. Don't forget to use our link at expressvpn.com slash Kermode to get an extra three months of ExpressVPN for free. Okay, so we're going to enter the Christmas corridor in just a moment. First of all, an email from Jack, who says, Dear Mark and in particular Simon, I trust you both well. As the deputy diary editor for the Times, so this is Jack Blackburn. Okay, yeah.

Oh yes, yes, yes. I feel the need to come forward and identify myself as the person who is to blame for ensuring that the caliber of one of Mr. Mayo's orifices has now been forever noted in the paper of record. I hope this was not too much of an intrusion. My wife is so proud. As a long-term listener, I was enjoying a Sunday morning walk with the podcast when you spoke about receiving a positive review of your anatomy. It made me laugh and my editor agreed and hence it was published. In doing this, it had not occurred to me that committing this to print might have been troubling. I hope you are not too disquieted that the superior quality of your sphincter is now recorded for time immemorial in the Times archives and the British Library.

You're making it worse, Jack, to be honest. I hope you take comfort from the fact that many, many other people with similarly excellent attributes have never had them recorded in history and that your sharing of this idiosyncratic compliment brightened the mornings of many readers besides you have left far more to posterity than this." I'm not sure the word posterity is quite appropriate. By way of recompense, might I offer you a story concerning one of last week's subjects, Christopher Reeve. At the recent Petworth Festival, I saw Giles Brandreth relate the tale of his organising an 80th birthday party

for the great actor Sir John Gielgud. For the climactic moment in the festivities, Brandreth organised for Christopher Reeve, then in his pomp, to come and present the birthday cake. So the day came and with it a flurry of beautiful and thoughtful gifts. But when Gilgud saw the tall and handsome Reeve emerge with said cake, he turned to Brandreth and said lasciviously, oh Giles, Superman, you've thought of everything. Best wishes to you both. I like the show, Steve. Thank you, Jack. Well, it appears my anatomy is going to be discussed for a while yet. I hadn't thought of it being in the British Library, but no. So much to be proud of.

Okay, so correspondents at codeomeo.com, let us talk Red One. Yes, Red One, a Christmas adventure from director Jake Kasdan, who made the reboot of Jumanji movies, which I liked. And Roger Chris Morgan, who's worked on several Fast and Furious movies. Cast includes Dwayne Johnson, who of course was in those Jumanji reboots. JK Simmons, who gave the best ever Oscar acceptance speech when he won for Whiplash and did that thing about Call Your Mother, which was just wonderful. Chris Evans, AKA Captain America.

And Lucy Liu, you were talking about Bill Murray earlier on. They were in the Charlie's Angels movie and then fell out. Anyway, so we open with a grouchy kid proving to his friends that there is no Santa Claus and no naughty list. Cut to many, many years later, that kid is now obnoxious hacker Jack O'Malley, who That kid is now obnoxious hacker Jack O'Malley, who unknowingly hacks high-tech hardware because he's enlisted to do it, that then allows his pay bosses to find Santa Claus' secret lair at the North Pole. They kidnap Santa Claus, played by JK Simmons. Dwayne Johnson is Santa's head of security who is preparing to retire because he's lost his faith in humanity. Simmons. So, Dwayne Johnson is Santa's head of security, who is preparing to retire because he's lost his faith in humanity. Not the kids, the parents. He is dispatched by

Lucy Liu to find Jack O'Malley and with him to then track down Santa's kidnappers and save Christmas. Here is a clip with Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans. Okay, so worst case scenario, is there someone that can step in for him, like a vice santa? Are you listening to me? No. No one can do what he does. He knows when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, and he knows that about every single person on this planet. He has a list the size of Rhode Island, and he checks it twice.

If you were to try to read that list just once, it would take you a decade, but he does it twice. And the reason why he's able to do any of it is because he is Santa Claus, the one and only, and no one else can execute his mission. And the key phrase there is no one else could execute his mission because this is kind of Christmas impossible. You know, it's like, it's all what we did the Santa Claus story as a kind of action adventure? So the plot is a mashup of The Nightmare Before Christmas, in which Halloween town kidnaps Santa, and Santa Claus conquers the Martians, in which Mars kidnaps Santa. Both of those films are way better than this, and the second one of them is widely considered to be one of the worst films ever made.

What this really is, is it's an update of, do you remember Santa Claus the movie, the 1980s Dudley Moore vehicle from the director of Jaws 2, incidentally, which did a kind of high-tech update under the tagline on the subject of Christopher Reeve, you'll believe a reindeer can fly. So the North Pole has got a force field and a zappy mission control and Santa's sleigh gets an escort from jet fighters and the Christmas stuff is kind of offset by a bunch of crampussy stuff and there's some darkness and some sword and sorcery and some sub-Harry Potter gothic witchy nonsense. None of it works, none of it works despite the cast, some members of which I like very much, none of it has any sense of adventure, none of it has any sense of adventure.

None of it is in the least bit magical, which for a Christmas movie is a really big problem. It's also a movie that, like the Transformers film, the previous Transformers films, the Michael Bay films, not the new one, makes you wonder who on earth it's aimed at. I mean, the overall tenor is childish, but it's got a 12A certificate because it includes some swear words, which seem to be there precisely to stop it being just a kids film. The BBFC says there is cut off use of strong language, what the actual fa, milder terms including, and I'm going to read these out because these are in a 12A certificate movie. Turd, screw, god, hell, damn, moron, imbecile and buck.

You can't say those. Okay, well they can bleep some of them. What I'm saying, I'm literally just reading, these are inner 12 certificate film. And you're going, I'm sorry, who is this aimed at? What is the audience democratic? The film cost over $200 million and it reminded me of Roger Ebert's review of Heaven's Gate, which he called the most scandalous cinematic waste I have ever seen and remember, I've seen Paint Your Wagon. Watching it, I just felt this kind of that boxing day depression of knowing that for years to come, when you're in that kind of headache-y post-Christmas period, you're going to sit down after an after-night, having been exhausted, you're going to turn the

television on and this is going to be on it. I mean, if it's a choice between jingle all the way and this, jingle all the way would absolutely walk it and I'm not a fan of jingle all the way. It really made me think, bring Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. It's just, and here's another interesting thing. So Paddington, very, very British film. Bird, very, very British film. Blitz, very, very British film. This is the big American blockbuster of the week and it is absolute. Just because I said water last week, it does not mean that you can just pick any crude word from the crude word dictionary and just say them out loud. This isn't the news agents.

No, no, but these are in a 12A certificate movie. So they've been passed by them. But I find it really annoying that kind of, oh, you know, it's a, it's a kid's movie, but we're just going to put some swear words in it so that it gets a 12A certificate or, you know, whatever the equivalent in America is. It's, it's, it's infuriatingly bad. It's a really, really, really rubbish film. Is it worse than Snow Dad is better than No Dad? Snow Dad's better than No Dad. That was a better tagline. I don't think Snow Dad is

better than No Dad cost over $200 million. No, it really sounds as though there's no excuse for it. Yeah, no. I mean, what is the budget? I said the actual budget was $250 million. I hope JK Simmons got a very big check. That's the end of take one. So much to go into take two. This has been a Sony Music Entertainment production. This week's team is Jen, Eric, Josh, Vicki, Zachy and Heather. Producer is Jem, the redactor is Simon Pool. If you're not following the pod already, please do so wherever you get your podcast. That's very good. I'm sure you do. Don't forget that our Christmas Spectacular is on December the 8th. A couple of tickets have

been released. www.fayne.co.uk slash Kermode of Mayo hyphens between the Kermode and the and, and, and Mayo. Anyway, Mark, what is your Film of the Week? Well, for all its flaws, for all the things that don't quite work, my film of the week is Bird because I think that Andrea Arnold has taken a swing. And although it doesn't quite come together, it's ambitious, it's adventurous, it's homegrown, and it isn't read one. And if comfort is what you need, maybe Paddington in Peru. We'll see you on take two in a few days time with another take one.

Thank you very much indeed for listening.