KFC Radio - 1,000 Bottles of Baby Oil is 999 Bottles Too Many - Full Episode

Episode Date: September 19, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 01:36 P Diddy found with 1,000 bottles of baby oil 13:56 We tip our caps to Dan Bernstein 18:48 Travis and Jason Kelce Backlash 33:54 You're a child if you take naps 58:18 Feits' new watch 01:07:57 Logan Paul and Mr. Beast's lunchables 01:22:03 Video Voicemails LINKS: 21:09 Jason Kelce Dancing: https://x.com/theScore/status/1835799231698800909 23:52 Travis Kelce Cool Mustache Video: https://x.com/_willcompton/status/1558505470909763584?s=46 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ PRESENTED BY JACKPOCKET: New customers, use code KFC and you’ll get your first ticket free at https://jackpocket.onelink.me/sY17/KFC GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, NY Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY. 18 or older (19+ in Nebraska, 21+ in Arizona). Void where prohibited. Promo code required for $2 non-withdrawable credit. Prize amount may differ at time of drawing. Terms jackpocket.com/tos/free-ticket-promo/ Gametime: Download the Gametime app today and use code KFC to easily score great deals with the new Gametime Picks! Hello Fresh: For FREE breakfast for life go to https://HelloFresh.com/freekfc. One free breakfast item per box while subscription is active. Draft Kings: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code KFC to get $250 in bonus bets when you bet just five bucks AND get one month of NFL+ Premium on us! Offer ends 9/19. Only on DraftKings - The Crown Is Yours. GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, [phone] or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), or visit www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in NH/OR/ONT. Eligibility restrictions apply.On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min. $5 bet. Get 1 promo code to redeem 1-month of access to NFL+ Premium and max. $250 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: dkng.co/ftball. NFL+ Premium Terms: Offer only for eligible subscribers & must be redeemed by 11:59PM 9/30/24; After 1-month promo period, subscription automatically renews each month at then-current price (currently $14.99/mth) until cancelled; Addt’l terms: nfl.com/terms. Offer expires 9/19/24 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. Express: Use code SADBOYSZN for an extra 20% off your purchase online or in store Upside: Download the FREE Upside App and use promo code kfc to get an extra 25 cents back for every gallon on your first tank of gas.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

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From anybody involved here right now. If I ever find out that any of you have 1,000 bottles ofube in your house it's gonna be a fucking problem because i'm watching what's happening to jay-z now everyone's like jay-z's next you know and i was like i don't know if philip berg was a fucking pedophile people would be like crazy did it too and i'd be like no i'm not but i want to know now if any of you got a thousand bottles of lube because i I got to start distancing myself now. I've always said that. Kind of like what you're saying. We're like, I don't know.

People do what they do in their own private lives. But the thousand bottles feels like he fucked up. Like an order? Like the COVID thing. Remember when COVID, when everyone was hoarding hand sanitizer? What if we have freak parties for the next 10 years? We got a freak officer

at that game. Now you know all the loot. He's like, I gotta start buying a book. Everyone's using it. This is crazy. I prefer to think of it as like he clicked

like one case thinking it was like one case and it was like one pallet. Yeah. And it showed up at his doorstep and he was like,

what the fuck? It makes me think he's never used baby oil because I feel like once you use baby oil once you're like, I'm never doing that. like one pallet yeah and it showed up at his doorstep and he was like what the fuck it makes me think he's never used baby oil because i feel like once he's baby oil once i'm never doing that again that's not necessary to do again that's such a great point i made a fucking mess bro when when you do that first there's so much by the way if you don't know we're talking about diddy got arrested and part of the raid of his house was like amongst all of these videos of extremely famous people engaging in highly illegal sex. It's also 1,000 bottles of lube and baby oil. You legitimately need one bottle of lube your whole life.

Like the first time you do anal, you buy lube and then that will last you forever. You need like a little drip like twice a year. Have you never heard the word dollop? Dude, like... So the lube is one thing, and then the baby oil, you're so right. I remember being in like high school, trying that shit out and being like, this is fucking

ridiculous. My shits are ruined. It's like slip and slide here. This is crazy.. Like, my sheets are ruined. Bro, I... It's like slip and slide here. This is crazy. I gingerly walked over a certain spot on my floor for like six months. I was like, it must still be slippery. Yeah.

I slipped on it enough times where I was like, all right, this is just never going to dry. I now have a slippery spot in my apartment. The old trick floorboard. I mean, out of all of the shit that's coming out about him the thousand bottles of lube was it truly was kind of sickening that's what like every media

outlet ran with could be smart the feds are going to raid my place I better get a thousand bottles of baby oil there's like pictures of child porn there's people locked up in other secret rooms and they're just like, look at this lube. The old sleight of hand trick.

You're not looking at this one. They got a thousand bottles of lube in this closet. Did it also say that he had child porn? No, no, no. I mean, I wouldn't... I mean, not like child porn like we think of it, but he was definitely having sex with underage girls, so yes the i am going to say this the i was just do not don't say anything to defend diddy right now we're not going to be a pro diddy podcast it's not a defensive oh boy here we go

it's just here we go i turned on tv last night and it was new york one for those who don't live in the city like it's just it's just news it doesn't when you turn the TV on it doesn't stay on your last channel. It goes to the local news. And I always get sucked in for a minute. And it was Diddy, and they were talking about the Diddy story, and they were like,

the affidavit accuses Diddy had freak-offs, where he would have a bunch of drugs, and people have sex, and he would ply them with drugs and music. And I was like, that just sounds like a sick part of it. I'm not saying he's an innocent guy, but if that's the argument, find another one. I find it funny that media is insisting on using the term freak-offs.

Everything else in the news, when the news talks about it, everything becomes proper. They'll be like, the gentleman was arrested for having liaisaisons with it and now all of a sudden we're just saying freak off right just like freak off they called it freak off supplies they said these are his freak off supplies wait so i assumed it was like a competition like almost like a talent show you would think that's what freak off implies. Who could fuck the longest, right? It was just like he would have people over. He would drug all of them knowingly or unknowingly. And everybody fucks forever. And he makes you fuck other people.

I've been to a couple freak offs in my day. Just so we can be clear, I've been to a freak off. Diddy didn't host it, but I've been to parties like this before. You have not been to a freak off. You've really been to what you would call a freak off. Diddy didn't host it, but I've been to parties like this before. You have not been to a freak off. I've been to places where I did a bunch of drugs and fucked a lot. If that's the standard for a freak off, yeah.

Take me away, your honor. So what he does is he makes all these people fuck and then he makes them fuck guys. That's what's weird to me. It sounds like he's forcing these people. It's like, I don't think, you know what I mean? Hey, fuck that guy.

Oh, okay, I guess so. Diddy's making me fuck this guy. Short under the stick again. Yeah, right. Oh, I fucked Usher. Damn it. And then he films it all. So it's like an Epstein shit.

So apparently, so what would the conspiracy theory is that, you know, all of these really top execs that are even bigger than Diddy were like, raid his house and get those fucking videos because like, we're all on there fucking, and we're all doing drugs and we're all doing crazy shit. But why would you want to do that?

To get them out. But then the, then the police have, well, you know, he's got the ideas. These guys like run the whole fucking thing. Oh, I see. So get those videos and delete them.

But it's like... But why would you do a full raid? Would you just... That's kind of what I think. You send SEAL Team 6 in and do that. That's kind of what I would think, yeah. Because also, you do a full raid, then you don't have a guarantee that he's not like, well, it was all these motherfuckers.

He's also had months and months and months, or weeks and weeks at least to like make copies and put on the cloud and all that shit like if you if you got filmed fucking at diddy's place you're fucked yeah you're not getting out of this one you know i mean you might be able to suppress it but like you're not like deleting these this this shit is and and if he has any sort of like trial i think he's gonna burn everybody down but there is this that weird video i found it from looking at greer's from greer's twitter you never know what you're gonna find when you look at old greerzy uh but there was some weird guy who like three years ago got arrested for something and he he was doing like his deposit he was getting like uh like grilled by the cops and And, and he's, he's talking,

I can't find it. I don't know who he is. He, you know, he was some dude who got arrested for something like rather public. And he was like, I've fucked Cassie and Sean Combs at a party. And like,

he made me like, fuck this girl and that girl. And Rick Ross was there and DJ Khaled was there and they were, they were fucking each other. And everyone was like, this girl and that girl and rick ross was there and dj khaled was there and they they were fucking each other and everyone was like this is crazy it's just like everyone's like this is true uh jonathan oddy who claimed uh he was yeah he was taken in he was taken into custody after opening fire at trump's golf club it's funny you say that because i was gonna say this guy sounds like the same guy who blew obama when they used to do crack together this guy jonathan oddy claims he was shown uh sean diddy's uh sex slave shot up the inside of

trump's national doral golf club back in 2018 he was taken into custody after opening fire and he's just randomly talking and he's in like, like, a crazy person, you know, like... With the vest, I'd do? No, yeah, yeah, like, you know, yeah. And he's just talking to this guy, and they're like, yeah, okay. And DJ Khaled was there, and yeah, he was fucking Diddy. What does the P stand for in P. Diddy? Not, no pun intended.

Puff. So he used to be Puff Daddy, and then he changed to P. Diddy. Not, no pun. Puff. So he used to be Puff Daddy. And then he changed to P. Diddy. Oh, okay. I actually found out recently he was Puff because when he was a little kid, he used to get, like, insanely angry and huff and puff. He'd be like, he's always huffing and puffing. So they started calling him Puff. So I was like, oh, so he's just crazy since he was a little kid.

He's a horrific person. Like, the worst of the worst. He should go down. He's a horrific person. Like, the worst of the worst. He kind of... He should go down. I get, by the way, like, you have to charge... When you charge someone with racketeering, it means you can get, like, everybody, you know, involved. And, like, if you charge with, like, rape or...

Like, we have the video of him beating up Cassie, but the statute of limitations ran out on that. So you gotta, like, pick the charges where you can get him. Yeah. But it's just crazy that it's, he's being charged with like transportation related to prostitution rather than just being like a horrific sexual deviant monster but i guess the way they're charging him can you know take everybody else down so yeah now everyone thinks although jay-z did he was like kind of dating alia when she was not an adult and beyonce there's like some weird shit where he was like kind of dating Aaliyah when she was not an adult and Beyonce there's like some weird shit where he was

like way older than Beyonce and like waited till she was 18 so I don't know but I always do think it's just funny parties and he was like yeah it's like they're in the same fucking industry they were both the most popular people you know if you end up being a freak off pedophile that

fuck you because then apparently it going to be me too. The report comes out and I'm just like, I'm on it. I'm like, fuck. Just opening up the paper. Wouldn't that be so, that's a good skit.

You're reading off the major names and then it's just like John Feidelberg. I did remember there was a, oh wait, we already did this

just you should you should do it again just voice over this is dark but there was a when i was when i was in france there was like this case that was going on that nobody was talking about but it was like in the local news and this guy would drug his wife and then have these men come in and rape

her, like for years and she didn't know and then finally she like figured it out and then also his daughter, sorry, that made it really dark. I didn't know how we were going to get darker from Diddy. Yes. I was like, oh, that's probably the worst thing you could do.

Yeah, that's a bad one. I would say that's top, pretty much top one. Yeah, it makes Peter kind of look good. You should be his lawyer. You should go in there and go, your honor, have you heard about this story of France? Because it could get worse. It could get way worse, I'm telling you.

I don't want to talk about that one too long, but I do like to think if I got raped in my sleep, I'd know when I woke up. You'd think so. You would think so. I'd have a pretty good idea, but I think someone fucked my ass last night. I guess the question, though, she probably wakes up being like i think my husband drugged and fucked me again and then you find out it's like it wasn't my

husband all that time i thought my husband's allowed to do that we're married after all i didn't think it was all the guys from around the block it's fucking crazy that is a wild thing where you meet people like this like in what corners of the world you meet someone who you're like hey if i drug my wife's not a fucking fucker and they're like yeah i probably look crazy crazy i mean i feel like as that as everything's gotten more uh just like open like you know the swingers and the pineapples and like it's like just become kind of a joke yeah that like it i'm sure so many more people are doing it now. You know what I mean?

And I bet there are the people who were OGs who were kind of like, I listened to this band before they were popular. I was drugging and fucking before it was popular. Back when it was awkward to fuck someone with your wife. I was doing it. Back when it was really fucking weird. So yeah, hopefully he goes to jail for absolutely fucking weird. So, yeah, hopefully he goes to jail, like, for absolutely fucking ever.

Speaking of terrible people, I do have to tip my cap to one. Dan Bernstein. You got to give it up. What? He's just digging his heels in? I mean, I think he won. I think he's uncancellable. What's the latest?

Nothing. No, he just, yeah, he just won the war. Nothing. No one cares anymore. We, like, the first day, day we're like just acknowledge it and i'll move on he's like i'll just ignore you fucking whiny babies for a day and we'll move on like all right that works too fair play now that you say it i i do think uh i gotta i gotta admit it i feel like you know we as a pirate ship lost lost the. I mean, we were not throwing our fastball anymore. Like, that guy.

This is from where we sit. Maybe in Chicago, it's still like the Collins and nuts. Yeah. But as far as Twitter is concerned, we don't seem to care anymore. I listened to a little bit of Unnamed Show, and Dave said that within the hour, he had pictures of his house, and his wife's's name and the building she works in. And someone who works here who has an internet army behind him was the one who acquired all these things and was like, hey, boss, just give me the green light. And Dave was very much like, absolutely fucking not.

So Dave did, I think, make it clear to not go all the way so maybe uh maybe the stoolies you know kind of kind of pulled back a little bit but yeah i gotta say in years gone by this guy would be getting absolutely harassed right now this minute every single second of the day until he cracked i think think Dan Bernstein's existence has proved cancel culture doesn't exist. We try it. We dog up old tweets. We talk to his employers. Did Dave officially get a champagne bottle?

He was talking that way. I mean, if Dave has a champagne bottle of Bernstein, that's going to sit there for a long time. I did see a video. I think the New York Post was doing a walk-in talk with Dave, and he was in a shirt that said Bernstein. So he's still fighting the good fight and maybe yeah yeah you know never underestimate dave you know he's been doing

the pizza thing he might just be like all right i gotta he did say he was like i don't want to do these things anymore but i had to he said he like it was like it was like a denzel movie where you like walk in you like dust off your fucking ak-47 i gotta go to war again but i don't know if his heart's fully in it you know it's one of those things i do that too it's like, I gotta go to war again. But I don't know if his heart's fully in it. It's one of those things. I do that too. I get all fired up and then by the time I get here, I'm like, I don't know. I'm an adult. I don't really care about any of this shit anymore.

Fully, fully sucked in again. I really promised myself. I watched all nine innings last night. Well, yeah. Now it's fucking go time, baby. But I was like every step of the way trying to stop myself. And now it's going to be heartbreaking. It is, isn't it? No, I don't know, though.

I don't know. Two up. Two full games up right now is kind of crazy. How many left? 11. 11? 11. That's a lot. Wait, this is dumb. Are other teams like out

at this point? We're trying to make it in. So like there's three spots for four teams basically and they're all like neck and neck. I think the rule I've heard is as long as there's as many weeks left as games you are back. You're very much in it. Yeah, I mean, listen, the Mets could

lose four in a row right now and be down two. So they play the Phillies this four in a row for the Phillies starting tomorrow, or today as you listen to this. It's going to be a terrible weekend for me. Game time. Game time is the official ticketing app of Barstool Sports. We love

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deals with new game time picks what time is it game time who where are i i've seen a lot of articles about the kelsey brothers right now and i I was starting to think that they might be getting a little too overexposed. But now people are saying that, so now I'm back on their side. Because now so many people are like, just Kelsey saturation. And I'm like, shut the fuck up. But I do think they were everywhere too much. But now that that's like the rallyinging cry I'm like back on their side because it's like well now that all

the assholes are saying that let these guys live I tend to agree with your line of thinking but like actually not tend to I do agree with your line of thinking but Jason which is the shocker of all shockers that Jason's the one who I think is teetering

yeah you're like Travis is pretty much just like kind of quiet occasionally he's out with taylor switzer he'll take pictures with him but yeah he's not he's just living his life and people are like we want to see it yeah it's jason kelsey's like but he's i mean but that's part of being a media guy totally well so here's the here i want to try to answer the question once and for all. Can you – if you look at Jason Kelsey's Twitter right now, he's replying to everybody. And they're very measured clapbacks because he's getting shit for the dumbest stuff. Like they have their Kelsey mix with their cereals right now. Right now you can buy a pack of Reese's Puffs,

Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Honey Nut Cheerios. And it's like those are the three cereals that the Kelsey brothers ate. Okay. And so they did a deal with them and they're selling like that box of three of them together. And people are giving them the like, these are sugary treats that children shouldn't be eating,

which is fucking ridiculous. So he's replying to people being like, I try to make my kids eat fruit and I try my hardest to make them eat vegetables. And, you know, I'm obviously I'm an athlete and I, you know, I really do take care of my body and I hope to do that with my kids. But also occasionally I think a sugar retreat and eating cereal is OK. Like fine, fine, you know, smart smart measured response and then uh he he did it again for for something else where it was like a very similar you know just people criticizing him and he's writing back and it's you know he like definitively like wins each argument but i'm oh this was him dancing you

seen the video of him dancing so he's just going crazy at this uh like eagles you know tailgates killing her right yeah and a lot of like right right it seems like right wing weirdos are like this is not manly behavior have you seen him doing this he's killing it he's just like going nuts oh yeah yeah i've seen that yeah and so like one person was like white men in the modern era are only allowed to be very few limited and tightly controlled things but this particular regime approved white male phenotype the clown the minstrel drunk

immature mind your biz consumer joke adult baby slob is easily one of the worst this girl Sarah Gonzalez who I think is like a like a Republican you know whatever whatever, talking head, was like, I would be embarrassed to be seen with a grown-ass man doing this. And so he replies to all these things. He was like, my wife Kelsey says this about me often.

Embarrassing her is one of my greatest joys in life. And then with the other guy, he said, you know, I'll admit I'm all these adjectives at these times. But if you think I'm only these words, I only represent these words. I highly recommend you watch my documentary on Amazon. I'm very successful while playful. I still have a lot of values about life, blah, blah, blah, blah. So he's replying to like everybody. And I always go back and forth on that where it's like, I think once you reply, you do, you are, you care too much.

I mean, it inherently like you are worrying about these random people and that is kind of unbecoming, but I also reserve the right to reply to whoever I want, whenever I want and, and argue if I want to, you know what I mean? Yeah.

But part of me is like, I never would have thought Jason Kelsey would be the one. Yeah. That's on Twitter being like that, that all kind of flies in the face of how he acts. What we like about Jason Kelsey. He's like, yeah, he's a guy who does his own thing and has fun. Right, it's totally flipped.

Why are you so concerned with everyone? Yeah, you're obviously never going to make everyone happy. That reply isn't going to win them over. And if it does, who fucking cares? Right, right. And if you're going to do that, if you're going to spend your post-care your post career doing that it's gonna be awful right and i remember people saying uh what was it it was like travis played basketball and jason played hockey yeah and somebody said like travis is what happens

when you try to be cool and jason kelsey just is what happens when you are cool and i'm like i don't know i'm starting to think travis kelsey is just a cool guy who dates like crazy you know famous chicks and like just does his thing and jason is the one who's like i've never been in the spotlight and now i am and i don't know what to say and do and i'm gonna fight back and you know all that shit so the video of travis kelsey's i'm gonna remember it was like years ago and he just like looked at the camera and he like does that with the mustang it was the coolest thing i've ever seen it was like years ago and he just like looks at the camera and he like does that with the mustad it was the coolest thing i've ever seen it was before taylor swift and i was like oh that's the coolest guy i've ever seen really yeah was he playing football or yeah it was like walking into

the stadium and i was like who's this travis kel i've like it was like travis kel's i told all my friends i was like he's nobody's talking about him and tay Taylor swooped in. Taylor swooped in. You had your chance, Jack. He was a little old nobody playing for the Kansas City Chiefs. You could have swooped in. Where are we at on you dating an athlete? Have we found that yet? Trying. But I actually don't do anything about that.

I was going to say, you said you haven't been going out at all. It's like, well, you're not going to find an athlete. You should probably be getting a DM from Daniel Jones pretty soon, finally get that reply. It wasn't Daniel Jones, was it? I thought it was. No, it was Michael Conforto. Oh, it was the Italian dude.

Jesus. Danny. Nope, it's Tommy... Fish Cutlets guy, right? Tommy. Wow, this is bad. Tommy DeVito. Tommy Cutlets.

I think, I don't know. It could be. Yeah, never mind. If that was who it was to, you're out. Okay, but I DM'd him on the day that everybody else, Gia said that she DM'd him. Yeah, maybe you need to do it now. Be like, hey, I'm still interested even though you're just like a bum now. But I don't want, if I'm going to, I don't know.

You want it like a star? No, no, no, no, no. I don't need a star. I don't need a star. I don't know You want like a star No no no I don't need a star I don't need a star I don't know what I want But like I haven't made any moves Actually I did DM like a bunch of people with my friends the other day And like nobody responded You gotta get your cloud up Jackie

Yeah I know I know Also the Jason Kelsey thing The dancing thing reminds me of what you sent What was saying we should talk about it, was relationship advice from old people. And I was thinking, my friends and I have talked about how the guy should always be 5% gay. It's a great rule.

We would test the guy. In college, we'd have them be like, it would be some kind of gay question. Like who's, who's the hottest guy in your frat, you think? And if they answer like, I don't see,

like, I don't think the guys are hot. I don't know. I can't see it. Then we'd be like, oh, okay. Yeah.

Then, then yeah, you have like some sort of issue with it. No. Someone who's like 25% gay. That makes sense. I think I got a little extra. You guys would qualify for sure.

You put a little stank on it. It's like when, we don't qualify. No, you guys would, for sure. You put a little stank on it. It's like when... We don't qualify for that. No, no, you guys would. You guys definitely have that 5% K and maybe more. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the thing.

God was pouring a little bit of pepper and like happened to sneeze as well. Oh! Oh! I think that kid too was making this game. Yeah, like, what is this one? He's like, I'm not sure.

Just send him through. Just put him on Earth. I don't know. We'll see what happens. It's like, I'm not sure. Just send him through. Just put him on Earth. I don't know. We'll see what happens. It's going to be a good experiment. Wait, where did I send that clip? Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

It was just like old people things. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, if you're not questioning if he's gay, at least twice. At least twice? Yeah. But when you say that, are you like, are you actually, you're not, are you girls actually like,

I also was all throughout college in like in love with a guy who I'm pretty sure is gay. Like 100% gay. So maybe like that's just a pattern. But, you are a disaster girl. I feel like I've not been

shutting myself in a good light lately. It makes for good podcasting. Don't worry. I can't find that link. But yeah, just like every, you know, if he gets like over, you want him to gossip. That's the big thing is I want him to be like interested in the gossip. Well, now I'm like, hang on. Don't put me in a box.

I was going to say. That's the kind of gay man I am. Yeah, yeah. John's like 30% 30 gay but he's not the gossip guy yeah exactly yeah john's like the i'll fuck you i'm like yeah that dude is fucking hot you want you want a guy who has guilty pleasures on television basically and john's the type of guy who like might fuck a guy to freak off yeah those are different types although last night i kind of i i dipped my toe in um uh the perfect couple what the perfect couple oh that nicole

kidman show i feel like that's kind of uh i don't think that's a girl no it's like scandal and that's a girly uh that's a girly like but quality you know what i mean like big little lies yeah and that other one i think it's all the same author to be honest but it's very much like nicole kidman i know that yeah yeah dude nicole kidman i was watching the perfect couple last night and nicole kidman's so gorgeous and i was like fan i think it's part of my age things i've said it before about um anne h before about Anne Hathaway where I'm like, what revs my engine now is like a woman who looks like we'll read the paper together in a breakfast nook. And so I was thinking about Nicole Kidman. I was like, fantasizing.

And then, you know, what's the next step? Fantasizing is always porn. And I was like, if I wanted to watch nicole kidman porn like what would i have to search and probably nicole kidman porn well no i don't want to watch like actually nicole kidman it's like something that type and i was like well cindy sweeney you just search big tits and like j-lo you search latina to find nicole kidman someone who like reminded you of her you'd have to search their skin you have to put a search on porn of like poison skin milky this is a mug I can't cross that bridge you gotta

have standards of some kind I was like there mine I'll just fucking search yeah she she uh the minute you you're doing it feels listen plenty of people search uh um porn by by like skin color it's just usually the other way you know i mean i guess the word you can't have the word skin in it like what turns you on the most about this person their fucking skin if i found you could have spit tits asshole gate if you had skin in your porn search no it wasn't even that i was like just I wanted to fantasize about having breakfast with 5% gay 5% is probably a solid number

I feel like but like what about like 7% you start to play that game yeah to be clear all of a sudden you're gonna start making excuses the next thing you know you have a guy who's like

25% gay that was college we just called that college did you you liked him or you were like I was like obsessed with him

like for two years but you guys were like together or you were just he didn't want me at all but like but like we talked like we hooked up

like kind of but like never had time yeah well kept talking about other guys that he wants to have sex with but we were together he either just really had one and nothing to do i also just said he was gay in my head to get to a little bit of coping this guy's listening to this fucking podcast like i'm not gay i She's just ugly. Like, I guess that that was... But now he swipes up on all my stories, to be clear.

Now what? Now he swipes up on all my stories, to be clear. Swipes up on your stories? Swipes up on my stories. What does that mean? He, like, responds to my stories. Oh. So now in my head, he's straight.

You know, because I'm like, oh. Oh, now he's the straightest man out there. Well, now's your chance. What? Now's your chance. No. Why not? Well, I'm like, oh, now he's the straightest man out there. Well, now's your chance. What? Now's your chance. No. Why not? Well, I'm over it now.

You have your chance. He engages with my social media now. Gross. Guys who like me and guys who engage with me, get rid of them. I was like, I thought about him 22 hours of the day for two years. You, I can't read you yet. You might be a lunatic. No, I know.

But the thing is, I don't act on it. Like, I was obsessed, but I didn't even tell my friends. It made me more obsessed. It made me crazy. I literally was, like, going crazy for two years. Yeah, no, that's, like, stalker behavior. Yeah, you didn't tell your friends about what you thought of 22 hours a day? They could, like, clearly see.

But I'd be, like, because he was, like, our friend. Like, he was, like, our good guy friend. So, like, I didn't tell your friends about what you thought of 22 hours a day? They could clearly see. Because he was our friend. He was our good guy friend, so I didn't want to fuck anything up. So I was just like, yeah, oh my god, are we going to see whatever his name is? Is he going to be there? And then I would think about it. And then I would look so good that night. Oh my god, I was crazy. Anyways.

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saying it that people who take daytime naps are uh, more intellectual, have bigger brains, etc. I think if you take a nap when you're an adult, you're an absolute degenerate. Yeah. I largely agree. I've taken them, but I'm a degenerate. Yeah, you're a degenerate. I feel like right now, if it's like 1 p.m. and you're just like, I'm about to turn in for a few hours. You're not a real adult.

I think if you're still trying to preach the importance of sleep. I don't sleep well. I never have. And it's annoying when people are like, get your eight hours. That's how you become healthy. It's like, obviously, I don't sleep well. I've never have. And it's annoying when people are like, get your eight hours. Like, that's how you become healthy. It's like, obviously, I'm trying. Right. I don't want to not sleep at night.

I don't want to not sleep. Like, that's one thing that I'm not like, oh, like, I'm shooting for five hours. Obviously, I'm trying for eight hours. I hope I wake up at four in the morning today and then struggle to go back to bed till seven. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm looking for, you assholes. Yeah, no, I'm with you on that. It's like I'm not saying you're wrong.

I know I need to rest my body. Yeah. But I'm telling you, I'm an adult. I also think trying to sleep at night is very different than trying to – like if you can just shut up, I don't know. And don't get me wrong. This is stupid. It's very dumb.

Your body just needs rest. It's like eating and drinking and breathing. Like you need rest. And if you need rest during when the sun's up versus when the sun is down, that shouldn't matter. But it matters. If I were to find out you're napping in the middle of the day, I'd be like, you're not a serious person. And maybe if I found out that pads were taking a nap, I'd be like, that's okay. You're young.

You're partying. It's fine. If I found out that one of my friends was napping, my adult friends who has kids and a job and a life, I'd be like, something's very wrong. But it's only in like your 30s and 40s. I think you can nap on either side. Oh, yeah. That's what I mean. At certain times of life.

Yeah. So it kind of goes like it kind of comes back around. Like you can nap when you're young. You nap when you're a baby. You can nap when you're like in college and shit like that. Then you're in the real world. And then you've earned the right to nap when you hit 50. I would say like...

You've been around long enough where it's like you're fucking tired. I get it. It'd be like 55, I would say, is when my dad started napping again. But he's not like going to nap. But he just falls asleep on the couch. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That. No, that's not a nap.

Oh, okay. Well, that's a nap for me. That's the only kind of nap I've ever taken. Brother,. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That. No, that's not a nap. Oh, okay. Well, that's a nap for me. That's the only kind of nap I've ever taken. Brother, I mean, yeah, listen. When your body, like, your body's shutting down because it's tired when you don't want it to, that's not a nap. I think. I'm talking about I'm going to go lay down in my bed or get. No, that's not a nap.

Or get under the blankets on my couch and sleep. I think naps can only take place on a couch. If you get in bed, you went to bed. Okay. You went to bed a weird hour, but you went to bed. Then we agree that getting into bed in the middle of the afternoon is totally crazy. Yes. Okay.

100%. Then I will say that if I'm on the couch and I am like, if I fall asleep, like on the couch, like, like remote controller in hand or like watching a movie, I, I don't want to, I'm trying to be awake, but I can't, I'm depressed and my body is shutting down. If I'm like, I'm going to lay down and go to sleep and like, I'm going to set my alarm for like two hours and take a two hour nap. You're a child. Yeah.

Yeah. I'll do that where I'll fall asleep on the couch like this. And then I'll wake up and like, I'll be like, yeah, fuck it. And I'll roll over like that. And I'll go,

I'll take a better nap like that. But that's, that's the most of my, you're a child. But you also are like, I would say, I would say that lovingly to you. You're,

you're, you're, you're living living the life. Yeah. No, yeah. It's great. I am the king of like, all right, I'll turn the movie off because you fell asleep. And I'm like, no, no, I'm watching it.

I'm watching it. I swear. I swear. I'm watching it. I do that all the time. So I guess this is a little bit of glass houses. But I think if I were to like, when I sleep in even, I wake up in like a panic of being like, what's going on? Like I should be doing something with my kids. I should be working.

You know what I mean? And that is probably the worst way to be. And that's why I'm saying this is probably all very stupid. But also this is just our society and the way it works. If you are in the middle of a fucking work day, or even really a weekend just being like, I'm going to knock out for like three hours. Well, it's underrated that Europeans have like siesta.

Yeah, they're ridiculous. Yeah, that's what I mean. Europeans are ridiculous. Just the Spanish. I just went to, I don't know if you know, but I just went to. But the EU was very upset when they, like when Spain became part of the EU,

they were like, you either got to knock off the fucking siestas because we do business here during the day. That's immature to be doing that. But they did have siesta times. In France? In Italy. Really? But Sicily. I didn't know that.

Yeah. I do think I'm going to keep trying to be annoying about just having a video. I think it's your personality now. I think, yeah. Yeah. How long do we think we're going to talk about this trip? You were there for two weeks. You probably talk about it for at least two weeks.

Yeah. And then maybe. But I already think I haven't done a very good job of, like, reminding the people. Oh, okay. So I'll either ramp it up or I'll just. What? Of keeping bitches sick. Of keeping the bitches sick. Also, okay. So I'll either ramp it up or I'll just... What? Of keeping bitches sick? Of keeping the bitches sick.

Also, oh my God, I was so sick that I missed Ian. Yeah. And I was like, I was so busy trying to make the bitches sick that I became one

of the bitches who are sick. So it happens when you try to make the bitches sick. And it's a vicious cycle making the bitches sick. It really is. It's a vicious cycle

of sick bitches that just cannot be stopped. You're damned if you do. This is the problem. Everybody's trying to make each other sick, and then you end up being the sick one. You end up being the sick bitch. He was awesome. He was great.

That story, I really, that was an underrated story. I feel like we should try to get that clip out there more. When he acted like he was going to throw that girl a bone and she had 190 million yeah yeah like that has got to be the biggest ego check because that's happened to me before where it's like oh they have like more than me but it's like you know a matter of thousands of more or something like that when someone you were like i'll help you out and they have the population of a large country as they're following that's that'll put you in your place many people who are going to vote in the presidential election right right crazy my follower count i'm not i'm not complaining

at all but it's just a really tough position to be in because it's like i can't get any benefits from it because like what am i going to do be like yeah i have actually a few followers and then they look and it's like 50 000 when like people have like well who are you talking i'm talking about i don't know like even just i mean for regular people that's gonna be a lot yeah for regular people but like if i want benefits if i want to slide in dms like i need it needs to not be this awkward i i thought you had like 25 000 so 50 000 is pretty good yeah that was disrespectful that was fucking rude hey i thought you had no followers but nobody liked you on the internet well i think that's when i unfollowed you i think you had 25 000 so in the few months

you've done a good job we gotta get we gotta get you six figures let's go um yeah you gotta start hoeing it up you only have 50,000 jesus i know well yeah but like every time but every time but every time yeah exactly they did not the bitches did not like i got a lot i lost a lot of followers when i'm trying to make the bitches like honestly like it really just backfired all together um wait what was i saying oh uh every time i post something they unfollow me like it's actually really mean and really offensive like and and honestly okay i feel like that's so genuine every time i remind them i'm here they get turned off honestly i've been in that same exact position i didn't i don't know if they were unfollowing me

but i've been in that position before where I was like, I'm just going to call it good here. I'm just going to stop talking. This feels like a good number for me. It feels like, wait, where are you guys going? I want to get more, but I don't want to risk. Look, I know what more of me does to a person. It's oversaturation.

It's that overexposure. I deal with it every god damn morning look at me i'm like you again huh the uh no that that was like uh yeah it's something i i'd wrestled with many a time and i've kind of ultimately gone with i'm just gonna leave it alone yeah well i wrestle with it and i just keep fucking going let me tell you it's better to stop god there's just so many people out there who are willing to absolutely fucking hate you it's crazy i got there's this there was this guy in my comments who works very closely with a company we partner with. And every time I posted or I got posted on the main account,

he was running his mouth. And people kept sending it to me being like, this guy is talking shit and you guys don't work together, but you're like one degree away. And so I just finally sent him a message. I was like, what's your fucking deal, man? And he sends me this whole fucking gigantic apology. And it's the same fucking thing every time.

And I hate it. I want them to write back because I fucking hate you. Yeah. It's not a good reason, but I've been a Barstool reader since high school, 2011, and that behavior is in line with the assholes in the comments section. On a personal level,

the comments are scummy and don't reflect who I am, but clearly I painted myself in a shitty light. Being on the internet is an excuse for being a douche, which I've clearly been to you. I'm sorry, Kevin. I'm sorry for perpetuating those comments against you. I'm going to go back and delete them, and you have my word.

I won't be an asshole, and thank you for not putting me on blast. He just fired up a new burner. That's crazy. It's just like, what the fuck, man? But that's like, so he kind of connected to the Kelsey thing earlier. Like, why do you even care what his deal is? Because his response is just going to make you more mad.

Yep. That's why I absolutely shouldn't send that guy that message but a couple people like noticed it and sent it to me and and and and we're just talking to those people cut them out of your life too yeah yeah yeah yeah hey this guy's really owning you in the comments in case you missed it it was more just like fuck this guy guy. Like, you know, you're basically, you know, working together. No, whatever. It was just, it was not, I understand what you're saying, but it was more like, what the fuck? You know what bothers me?

And with some with normal people followers is the, that I can see who sent my Instagram. So it's like, it'll be like seven people sent your Instagram because it has like little signs. There's no way any of those seven messages were nice good yeah look at what paths just posted yeah this is awesome seven people talking shit in college like because we we had the like girls know probably like if you have like a business account you could you could always see like in college we figured out how to see how many cents it was and that's crazy but every time it would like there was it would like go up by 13 so we were like who is this group of 13 that like it's being sent to we figured it was like the um like

the sick guys they had like this group chat of like. I was going to jokingly say the rivals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it was the fraternity. Oh, okay. But it was like. The dudes were trying to fuck you. Yeah.

And like they had talked about it being like, it's the most ruthless group chat you've ever seen. So every time we'd be like, fuck, it went up by 13. And it was so scary. Like every time you'd be like, don't go up by 13. Don't go up by 13. And every time.'d be like, fuck! It went up by 13. And it was so scary. Like, every time we'd be like, don't go up by 13, don't go up by 13. And every time we'd be like,

that is funny. Don't go up by 13. I think checking, I mean, I'm sure that everybody does it, but I know that mostly girls do it. Checking who looks at your stories. Yeah, yeah. That's insane.

It is crazy. Like, when you really take a step back, like, of course, within social media, we all, like, everything's a little crazy, right? Yeah. But just, like, remove yourself from that and be like, I post these things, and then people react to it,

and I scour through them to see who did it, who didn't. It's fucking crazy. Okay, but can I say this? Can I say this? I don't do it anymore, because I don't really care. Like, I don't have anybody in mind.

When I was obsessed with that guy. You're always looking for one. Yeah, you're always looking for one. And I thought that it was so fucked up of Instagram to not make a search feature because now I'm losing hours of my time scrolling. Every time I have to search this boy and I have to go through and it doesn't order it in any way. They don't tell you how it's ordered. It's probably just

like, whatever. And they don't make a search bar and I know that they know that we want it. Totally. But they're like, we're not letting you guys be crazy. I think that's good. Yes. I think Instagram is protecting you from yourself. No, it's like the whole premise of Instagram is like, so that you can, is stalking and like letting

people, bitches be crazy. So let us be. Even Zuckerberg and Meta, which is maybe gonna end that you could is stalking and like letting even people bitches be crazy so let us even zuckerberg and meta which is maybe gonna end up being like the most evil corporation ever they're like we're not letting you bitches do this because this is it also we're gonna do it anyways it's just gonna be like more time just save us some time but isn't that like what these apps are like how these apps sell themselves it's like time spent on app you're just sitting there they love it they're like all these girls are on this app for 40 minutes at a time just scrolling they probably they probably know which one you want it to be and like black his name out so you just keep scrolling i i want to be clear if anyone listening does that bro let me tell you i've never

seen your story like if if i if i'm in there i didn't see your story i i might have seen it but i didn't look at it oh like like i might just mindlessly scroll i'm just going ding ding ding ding ding so even if the guy that you have a crush on saw it he probably doesn't give a fuck like there's something in your brain that's like genuinely watch stories what like do people watch stories how like? Like, do people watch stories? How? Like, what does that even mean? Watch, you analyze.

Like, so you'll go on Instagram and just hit your top buttons, right? And just bang through it for a little bit. I think these people will be like, I have a crush on Jackie. I'm going to search Jackie's name. I'm going to pull her up and watch her story. That's what happens in my head. Yeah, right. And maybe there's a whole bunch. name. I'm going to pull her up and watch her story. That's what happens to my head. Yeah, right. So people will go to a person's page and be like,

does this person even have any stories? I would imagine. To then... No, it's just like if it comes up on the top. To see what? The stuff that wasn't good enough in the post on their grid? I don't know, man. There's people just creeping on Instagram. I don't know what to tell you. Just a bunch of horny psychopaths stalking each other. What do you want me to say? I don't know, man. There's people just creeping on Instagram. I don't know what to tell you. Just a bunch of horny psychopaths stalking each other.

What do you want me to say? I don't know. I mean, the amount that I have heard of, like, how it's, like, the protocol almost of, like, first you like a bunch of their photos, and then you, like, watch their story, and then you, like, flame emoji their story or whatever it is. You know what I mean? There's like steps almost to like courting someone on Instagram.

It's all fucking so crazy. Well, like literally like, again, this guy who like paid me no mind would like not text me back, whatever. And then he would watch my story. I'd be like, okay, he wants me. He wants me so bad. But like there's something in your head

that's just like, I don't know why. He's actively ignoring you and then just mindlessly scrolling through he's probably taking a nap going on have you looked at to see who's looked at your story like recently like ever ever yeah but have you no i mean i but but it's i think it is i can't you know yeah when you have following it's just like i guess of people. I guess that makes sense. The idea has never even crossed my mind. I don't even know. Let me see.

I mean, I guess you would go to that story. Maybe I'm doing it the better way in the sense of like, I don't know. I just assume everyone who follows me saw my story. How you would go to the story and then hit activity? Is that what you do? And you just sit there and scroll? Yeah. Oh, my God.

That's crazy. So you open up your own stories and then click that and then just go, like, and just look for the person. Everything you need to know is up top, though. Yeah, yeah. Instagram knows who you want to fuck, for sure. Really? Oh, okay. So it does organize it by, like, you were saying it doesn't organize it, but you think it does? But it doesn't tell you exactly how it organizes it, but it that shit's crazy yeah so so the algorithm knows who you want to fuck

before you know yeah yeah yeah i didn't even tell anybody that i didn't even set it out well um what was i gonna say i also like i i'm curious if guys ever... Like, when you post... When I post... The answer's gonna be no. Yeah, like... At least for us, I know that. I think, like, with girls, it's, like, you constantly need, obviously, like, validation. Validation and reassurance.

And it, like, goes down. And, like, I'll hit a point where I'm, like, ah, I'm, like, low. Like, the tank is low. And then I need, like... And I just have the urge to post, like, a photo. But do you guys have that where you're like i need that for validation i've i've had it in phases of my life i don't have it right now but i've had it before i've it was you're being like like almost

like thirst trapping like you're just like i need attention so i'm gonna post a photo but not even but it doesn't have to be like you know slutty or whatever it's just like i just want yeah put it back out there so i get some replies and it's like like i don't have like good intentions behind this photo or not like bad intentions but but like yeah i mean what you're describing is probably wildly unhealthy but also very common for my my validation's never been i didn't i didn't need it from people people i didn't know or did know it was like i want work to see i'm working uh which probably isn't good either yeah but like that's another i will i've never posted something like i hope so and so sees this other than like dave yeah that's probably a lot of ours or hope gas sees it because he'll tell dave yeah yeah

yeah there's a i bet you there's probably about 10 to 15 people on this planet if you ask them that would be their answer I don't think guys do that I'll post like twice a year and I'll want to post these pictures and let people know that I've been having a great year but it physically pains me to post on Instagram because I grew up with friends oh Paswan's post

what a fucking loser this kid's 5% gay. Yeah, I would say, I'm sure there are guys that do that, but I think that's probably a pretty stupid goal. I'm just getting over that now. It's like, oh, you can post on Instagram. It's fine. 25%.

It's okay to post. I mean, if I didn't do it for work, I don't know what I would do. I sometimes really try to think if I would be on social media at all, and I probably would just because I'm a pretty typical person that just does normal things. But I don't know. Sometimes I see, it's like, I do this because I'm trying to eventually make money.

What are you doing it for? Just love of the game. I think I wouldn't be, but that's just because my family and my friends, no one uses it. Yeah. Kind of like you, like twice a year, throw a post on something. My buddy was saying that recently. It was Memorial Day weekend, I think.

It was Fourth of July. We were on the Cape, and we were at a bar we'd been at a year before. And the bartender remembered us because we were all fucked up and making a scene and that's bad by the way you hadn't been there in one year yeah and they remembered you she was like oh it's my guys you put on a show and i guess my buddy had followed her on that day a year ago oh so we're sitting there and he's like, well, this is weird. I was like, what? He goes, I know everything she's been up to.

She knows. But she followed him back. And he's like, but I don't post anything. She goes, she has no idea what I've been up to. And I was like, oh, yeah, that is really weird. Yeah, like, I mean, that's like us for us, too, a lot. You know what I mean? Like, because people know what's going on with Barstool.

It's like, I don't know what's worse. Sometimes people will be like, I'm not going to act like I don't know you, man. I know everything about you. Well, that was a little weird too. But I also hate when people pretend like they don't know. So it's like, I don't know. This is a whole fucking weird situation.

But that's at least explainable as opposed to like, I followed the bartender after one night at the like, I, you know, followed you. I followed the bartender after one night at the bar and watching you ever since. It's all so crazy when you really think about it. It's all so nuts. It's so normal now,

but it's so nuts. What is just the amount of like, like there just used to be people who would like, you would, they would be in your life for one night and then that's it. And then somehow those people end up like in your life forever. And maybe you don't even ever see them again, but it's like we met through a friend of a friend

on like a bachelorette party or something and then we followed each other and now I'm just like forever connected to that person. I used to be such like a quick, probably when I like was focused on like growing and like getting a bigger following. So like it wasn't like I didn't follow everyone back by any stretch of the imagination, but if someone kind of worked here,

I'd follow fringe people, and I've gotten rid of that. I have to know you before I follow you. It's a good rule to have. Honestly, I'll probably just never follow anyone again. Yeah, it's kind of like no new friends sort of thing. It's like I'm over that. I'll probably just never follow anyone again. Yeah, it's kind of like no new friends sort of thing. It's like I'm over that. I'll follow people.

Like I've followed some clothes accounts. Something that brings you value. But just people who I kind of know or people who I personally know. The people you're following for the etiquette of it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not doing that. If you are funny or something that i like or you're gonna give me information or whatever i can follow that but if it's just like well we're kind of co-workers now

yeah like where you're like sort of in my friend group now but if we become if you're a co-worker who is around for a while and we become friendly i'll follow you otherwise yeah yeah i like that nfl season is in full swing and i am locked in locked in is a phrase going around a lot i'm locked in on my drafting zap every time i'm watching the game boom drafting zaps up what am i betting oh i'm betting touchdowns because because drafting sportsbook is the number one place to bet touchdowns if you're ready to place your first bet, try betting on something simple like picking a player to score a touchdown. Ready to do a touchdown dance of your own?

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No, actually this is an old watch that I lost and found yesterday on Ebony's desk looking for an envelope. It's like a $10 Casio. I was going to say, I feel like I've seen you wear that before. Yeah, I had it and it's been gone for like a year and I was looking for an envelope and I saw it and I was like, I think that's my fucking watch. Is it digital?

Mm-hmm. Is it digital? Does it work? 1242? Do you use it? I accidentally bought four watches the other day. Four? Yeah. And I was like, I blacked out when I went in.

I was like, I didn't need any watches. Were they expensive? No, but it was like $200 and all. I probably could have just not spent $200. What's the hate with the digital watch? I just think it's... Trash? What are you, like, learning how to tell time? Oh, I don't know how to tell time.

I can see you being bad at telling time. I actually had an issue. Yeah, totally. Who are you throwing stones about that? There's no chance you know. If I were to tell you, like, show you a clock and just be like, what time is it? It would take you a while to figure that out. Yeah.

I'll do it a lot during interviews. And I'll kind of, like, readjust my microphone and just see how long it's been. And every time I go, well, that was for nothing. Because when you have a regular one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have a clue what time it is. Yeah, I don't know. On a quick look, it's like, ah. How about when, like, old people will be like, like, have you, does anybody in your world ever say, like, half past?

No. No, right? That's so, that's so dead. You know what I think is so weird that's still alive? Quarter till. Is, like, saying this is she on the phone. Yeah. Like, just be like, this is, yeah, you're talking about.

That's, like, technically correct, but I think that's one of those things where we need to, the, like, you know how the definition of literally has, like, changed now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, we need to just grammatically say it's okay to say, like, this is him. I said, I said the other day, like, this is she. This is she. You sound like such a fucking cock, right? This is she. Woo!

Yeah. Hello. This is she speaking. This is she communicating on the telephone like fuck off man but everybody knows that for some reason you know

like you know that that's proper right like everything else the other day I went to I went to back to school night with uh

for my kid for my kids and they write like a letter to you and then you have to write a letter back and I realized I wrote like me and mom are and then you have to write a letter back. And I realized I wrote like,

me and mom are proud of you. You know what I mean? I was like, that's not. Here's your dumb father. I write so little. Like ever since, like. I can't. I had to sign a wedding card the other day.

I was like, this is a gift from a sixth grader. Dude, forget about even like, I can't. I used to take like notes in school, like pages and pages. I don't even know if you guys would do that, but like we would have a teacher just write on the chalkboard and we would just have to write down all the fucking notes. Right. So you're talking loose leaf page after loose leaf page. And now if I have to write more than like my signature, I'm like, this is, like I was writing this little note to my kid. Oh my God, it's going diagonal and the spelling and the letters are all off.

Like I cannot write more than a couple of lines anymore. Really? Oh my God, my hand is like cramping up. Used to be. After the two weeks I spent in Europe. Did you go away? I don't know if you heard about this, but I was just actually in France and Italy.

And Italy. Yeah. Were they siesta yeah were they siesta were they siesta thank you many people don't actually know about the siestas in europe because it is so common they talked about whatever um but my eyes have been like weak since i got back editing like the blue you know the blue that hurts so i got the blue light glasses the most darling little glasses i have ever seen do you want to see i do want to see but are you trying to tell me that you took a vacation for two weeks and your eyes are no longer able to look at a screen yes that's exactly what i was saying no no but like you don't understand like when when you're in europe and like when the sun is just sun is just different. The air is different.

Your eyeballs just adjust. There's so much to look at there. Like there's so much to do. You're not looking at the screen. It does. They do say it takes two weeks for muscles to... What do you call it? Weaken?

Lose strength? It's a phy. It ends with phy. Gentrify? Atrophy? Atrophy. Atrophy. It takes two months for muscles to atrophy. I'm sorry for that muscle to atrophy.

I'm sorry, two weeks. To deflate? They start eating away at themselves in two weeks. How do I even have any muscles left? But what I'm saying is two weeks without using those muscles of your eyes might make a difference. But I haven't used my muscles ever.

Well, they come to a point where you can't eat away anymore. But, like, if you exercise regularly and take two weeks off. Two weeks. It's gone. That's when they start going. You start losing it. But in order to build them, it takes, you know, months and months and months.

Fucking ridiculous. I mean, that is just, like, the whole system. The system's rigged, man. Fucking God setting up that system. What a dickhead move that was. We're going to make it impossible to get in shape, but super easy to get out of shape. That's kind of like unhealthy food tastes good, healthy food sucks. That is such a dickhead thing, too.

That's like a chicken or the egg thing, though. You know what I mean? It's like if everybody – like is there something inherently – when you eat like a piece of like raw broccoli, do all humans kind of go like – or is that because we've been – like is there something about sugar that is like we like that? Yeah. Like your body wants that, right? Yeah. Whether or not – if you never saw any advertising or any affection or whatever. You know what I mean? Vegetables taste bad and sugary things taste good.

It's not even the taste. It's like the need for a high. It's an Instagram. It's a dopamine setup. But wouldn't you think that your body would want protein and vegetables and muscle? Yeah, that's a good point. You know what I mean?

It does. But your brain wants this. But you don't think your brain will work with your body and be like, we need... Like, your body wants water. Yeah. You know? No, that's true.

It does get much more excited over a sweet little treat. But that is probably your brain and not the like your body's probably going fucking yeah not again stop the dopamine no idea how i've never like i wouldn't even know how to check the research myself but like i've heard that the like basically the exact parts of your brain that coke cocaine yeah sugar affects that sugar affects it more way more yeah yeah yeah like sugar is it just again i don't you know it's a tweet or a headline i saw that sugar is more addicting more addicting than cocaine i believe that which i believe yeah it's like instant once

it touches like it's the quote once it touches your lips like it's like immediate it goes straight to my hand i was watching a pint of ice cream every night you just can't stop i was watching It's like, once it touches your lips, it's like immediate. You sound like such an addict right now. I was watching Breaking Bad. You just can't stop. I was watching Breaking Bad, and they were talking about, it was like actual meth people. And I was like, man, I want a snack right now. But I really didn't like how it made me feel. I was like, oh my god, this is kind of similar.

No, totally. And I'll tell myself, you't you're not gonna eat that tonight and then comes around in like the daytime i'm like i don't need it and i'll eat it all to make sure i don't have the next day and then you order well we'll just scratch this day off but tomorrow's all fresh pick up on the corner and it all starts again. I was trying to think about like what would happen if you had to like pay for calories? Like the more. That'd be interesting. Do you know what I mean?

Like then all the. Yeah, like then the healthy foods would be cheap. The Big Macs and everything would be expensive. Like you can get this like filet mignon with fucking brussels sprouts for like five bucks you know but if you want you want jason kelsey's sugary cereal you gotta pay top dollar for it but like if before all that sugary shit existed i guess there's like some sugar kind of out there in the wild right but like you know what mean? Back before there was like manufactured foods like that. Yeah.

What your body would still like not taste, not like the taste of healthy shit. I mean, I like the taste of healthy shit. I, I, not as much as I like sugar, but I like to do like, I like. But you know, there's something just inherently like if i put a bowl of fucking green beans in front of you it's like yeah i like these but you wouldn't be like oh you know what i mean doesn't have it doesn't have the fix right right but so i do enjoy the taste of it it just doesn't make me feel the way sugar makes me if you never got exposed to sugar you know everyone's like i'm not gonna feed my kid any of that shit like if that actually happened would you know to i guess

like as if you ate sugar for the first time as a 30-year-old, would you be like, oh my god, what is this? Or would it be like, you know, I don't know. I mean, you kind of had it with, like, when you were growing up, you kind of always had a kid who was raised in a healthy household. Yeah, yeah, I hated those kids. They'd be like, you want to try Gatorade? Right, yeah. They're like, I would be like, you know, what's for, like, after school snack? And they to be like, why don't you try Gatorade? Right. They're like, I would be like, you know, what's for like after school snack? And they'd be like,

carrot sticks or like, what's it called? Ants on a log or whatever. You put like raisins and peanut butter and celery. Fire, by the way. When you're like seven, I was like, how about you give me

fucking Oreos, dude? Give me Chips Ahoy cookies. Are you guys going to be eating Logan Paul's Lunchables? Is that happening? I didn't see that. Mr. Beast. Oh, that's to be eating Logan Paul's Lunchables? Is that happening? I didn't see that. Mr. Beast. Oh, that's right.

Do you guys have Lunchables? Oh, yeah. I think we, like, invented Lunchables. We were, like, the first people. Sorry. I bet Lunchables were invented, like, right when I was Lunchable age because I remember being like, this shit is fucking fire. Pizza one is disgusting.

Yeah. The little ham and cracker one. Yes. Yes. And even I'll even fuck with the bologna and cheese one. It was delicious. Lunchables created. If a kid brought Lunchables to school, it was like his parents rather are loaded or they don't love them.

Yeah. They were introduced in 1988. Perfect timing for me. They actually were created in 85 so it's like I am Lunchables. You are Lunchables. I am Lunchables. I was created in 85 and came of age in like 80, 89. I am the Lunchable.

So Mr. Beast linked up with KSI and Logan Paul. So there's a linked up with KSI and Logan Paul. So there's a bottle of Prime. There's a Mr. Beast milk crunch bar or something. And then there's like turkey and cheese, salsa and chips, and pizza. And they are like it's less calories and less this and more that.

But I got to imagine Lunchables is like, what the? Because they launched everything with the idea of like, fuck Lunchables, eat Lunchleys. And I imagine Lunchables is like, what the fuck, man? All of a sudden, out of nowhere, you have the three biggest influencers in the world just

gunning for you. Not even like they're in the same space anymore. They are making your product and tearing yours down. Just let the people pick, man. I don't know, dude. I don't get that. They're getting crushed for that. Well, I can't – some people are crushing them for it.

I'm sure there's also a huge part of their fan base who's loving it. But like I just don't understand why well so a lot of people crushing them they are replying being like it's less calories less sugar more electrolytes healthier blah blah blah and i'm kind of like okay but why you know okay i'm not disputing that i'm i absolutely guarantee that mr beast and logan did their research to make sure that this is a healthier thing, right? It seems like it's basically the same. Right. In their video, it's pretty much the same.

Right. I'm just saying that I bet you there are literally 10 less grams of this and 10 less calories than that. But it's like, okay. just i mean i guess it's different they do have just a young audience where it's like if if we just had young people and it was like we should make a lunch product for young people like i i guess my it's like a larger thing and it's obviously something i've never been offered. But like at what point, what number are you satisfied? Yeah. Like none of them have anything.

Like they could all stop working today. Yep. And never worry about money. So what makes you want to go into the child's food? Child lunch business. I get being part of something you're interested in. You do. And you drink and you wear. child lunch business. I get getting part of something you're interested in. You do. You drink.

You wear. Basically, you're just paying to become to cosplay as a clothes maker or whatever. I get that.

You're like, I was always interested in clothes and I like clothes so I'm doing this. Maybe they were always interested in children's food but like...

I hope not. I don't know. If Logan Paul was in the backyard with Jake making videos being like, one day we're going to sell children's lunches. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it's – that would be an interesting question. I wish we could talk to them about that because I'm sure there's an honest part of it where it's like I'm a businessman and I want to keep going.

And I have even higher aspirations and things that, you know, maybe you do need even more money. I want to buy a sports franchise one day or some shit. It's like the kind of shit that these guys are doing, like they might be able to, you know what I mean? So it's like maybe this is a means to an end or maybe it is just like I want all the money or or like i i if i was like i mean i feel like i i don't really do what we do for money and we but we happen to be like age appropriate with our like audience but if you told me that like we were skewing in this demo or that demo like like you can't stop working you know what i mean so like and and then if so if you were like look at your youtube numbers and they're like people this

demographic you should do this business thing you know what i mean i i think the more money i made the more i just be like let's just do creative stuff. I have no idea. This could all be cold takes exposed in a year. Who fucked those? But I'd be like, I don't know. We have money. Why the fuck do we want to make fucking pizza lunchables? It's crazy. I'm sure it's like...

That just doesn't interest me. I guess maybe this does interest them. I wonder though, if when you're at that stage, if somebody walked in the door right now and just put this in front of you and was like, make this video, we'll take care of the rest, and you're going to make like a billion dollars. You're going to say no?

I would... Question it a little. I would say, particularly if I had $500 million, I would guess that's probably their average net worth, maybe $200 million. I don't know. You think they're... I mean –

What I think happens is like – Mr. Beast is probably – I think that – and I could see this happening. Like other people want to make money off you, so they put you in a room, and they like hype you up, and they're like, you're like this Lunch Bulls. Like we have this planned out. Like we have this, and like this would be so fun. And then they convince you.

Logan Paul's at $150 million. And that's low. Yeah, that's probably low. Those guys will be billionaires. The Paul Bulls will be so fun. Logan Paul's at $150 million. And that's low. Yeah, that's probably low. Those guys will be billionaires. The Paul boys will be billionaires. It's probably like a sugar drug where it's like, you get a little bit more.

Yeah, that's a good point. And Mr. Beast is projected at $500 million. I wasn't sure they were going to be on that level. Time to fire up some Lunchable. But I also wouldn't do, I don't begrudge them for Prime. No. I didn't think...

Maybe it's the combo now where it's like, Jesus Christ. You want to be the Walmart of people? Yeah, like Prime. Prime, I get a kick out of all the people who get mad at it. When it's just, at least as I understand it, two different products. There's an energy drink and there's an electrolyte drink.

Yeah. And people are like, this is bad for kids. And it's like, the energy drink is. But you're talking about this one over here. Right, right. And I think there was some shit about their packaging was a little bit hard to differentiate. So there was some shit about their packaging was like a little bit hard to differentiate so there was some shit there but like that to me people getting bent out of shape about that is the same thing as the kelsey's getting bent out of shape with the cereal it's like i don't know man they're

not like selling drugs i mean i guess what we were talking about earlier some people view it that way but i think people are going to keep eating fucking lucky charms yeah and i don't think the kelsey's are going to stop that one way or the other and i think you know kids are going to be eating pre-packaged lunches whether lo whether Logan Paul says it or not. But they do it very smart where they do have an answer for all these things, but I would wonder what their answer is for the larger question of just like, do you get off on this? And maybe it is.

And it's a fair answer. It's a good view. I just want all the money. Oh, okay. Or even, you know, I'm sure it goes back to money, but I bet there's a level of like, we're businessmen. I like making business moves and making companies and entrepreneurial. And that would be the answer.

Yeah. You know what I mean? When the root of it is money, we all know. But, you know, there is something to like doing all that shit that maybe that's the reason why. I'm sure there's also like a high of having people come to you and be like yeah i want you yeah it's probably i mean they probably got to be the first duo to ever was the same day launch maybe maybe day after launch a children's product and then sexual assault allegations wait who mr beast he got it was sexual harassment maybe he got he got named in a lawsuit for Beast Games or something like that.

No way. Yeah. Yikes. Is that what it's called? I don't know. I'm not sure. It was some... I know that they were trying to tie him to that.

There's that guy who was a part of them and then transitioned and then got... He was messaging other kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beast Games. Beast Games. He's just tangentially related to him him so people are trying to tear him down for that but like hey kids buy the lunch you guys can't

read the news yet right boy do I have a lunch for you alright voicemails before we get into voicemails I just got a text message from Jacqueline who used to work PR here. She said, you guys got an invite

as well. She said, she invited us to an event that we can maybe go to if we want. It is the premiere of an Amazon Prime documentary, I guess. It's the world premiere for The Evolution of the Black Quarterback.

Bro. That's so funny. I was watching the game the other night. What game was I watching? Oh, what game was I watching? I forget, but I was like, I think we've been dancing around the issue a little bit. I think the Whites have lost the quarterback position. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was going to say, yeah. Brady just retired two years ago. There's always been the one, but overall. Listen, we will lose all of the positions in all of sports whenever they decide to take them over. They're going to start defending hockey like the Second Amendment.

Hockey you'll always have. Hockey you'll always have. Hockey you'll always have. But, like, I forgot. It was definitely my home someone. And I was like – because still, I'm thinking, like, when you go – like, when you watch a movie. Like, still, the quarterback is some white stud. Right? Like, it's pretty –

Oh, okay. So, like, the stereotype is that's going to have to change soon. Totally. It's going to have to be. Because people are going to be like, this is ridiculous. There wouldn't be a white quarterback. A white guy at the most important position on the field? Are you crazy?

Then you're going to start wondering, what the fuck did we bring to the sport? We used to be the sheriff and the general. We were the game manager. We got nothing anymore We've got What's the kid's name playing corner? Cooper DeGene We got white corners and we've lost the quarterback

All hell is broken Let's fumble Everything's out of control Will we ever lose fullback? Probably not They just got rid of the whole position We will lose we will lose whatever they want to take yeah it's not us losing it's them deciding like it's time for us to now do this you know it's it is like it's like uh there are a lot more black

coaches in the league now too you're like so we're just the owners this is starting a little unsavory oh man that's very that's a good point all right when i was younger i was a big express guy always at the mall always at express express is back it is a brand that is all about creating confidence confidence is the name of the game folks it's the name of the game all you need mall always at express express is back it is a brand that is all about creating confidence confidence is the name of the game folks it's the name of the game all you need is confidence that way though they want to make men and women feel their best by helping them lock look their very best i can't read but i can look good they provide easy everyday outfits that help you look and feel nothing short of amazing for whatever life throws at you from job interviews to first dates to milestone celebrations they got it all quality clothes that look good and feel

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So SADBOYSEASON. So you can experience the hype for yourself. Every year, we all pledge to save more and spend less. But how are you supposed to save when you're paying inflated prices for everyday essentials like gas and groceries? You can't. You can't just cut those purchases out of your budget. But now, thanks to my 2024 money-back hack, you can get cash back from them with Upside. Upside is an incredible app for anyone who buys gas groceries or dines out to get started

all you have to do is download the free upside app use promo code kfc and get extra 25 cents back for every gallon on your first tank every gallon free quarter next claim an offer for whatever you're buying on upside then pay as usual with a credit card or debit card. Follow the steps in the app and get paid. Download the free Upside app and use promo code KFC to get an extra 25 cents back for every gallon on your first tank. Again, use promo code KFC. What's up, KFC Radio Gang? So I was having dinner with my mom and my uncle and a bunch of family friends. And they were talking about the old apartment that my mom used to live in

when she was pregnant with me. And the people, the family friends start saying like, I'm surprised you turned out okay. Like your mother was living in that mold apartment when she was pregnant with you. And I'm just sitting there like, this is the first time hearing this in my entire life. And then, and then everyone starts joking that I'm a mold baby. So I cannot believe this. I'm finding that at the age of 23, that I was a mold baby. So I cannot believe this. I'm finding out at the age of 23 that I was a mold baby. And then just the other day, I was on a road trip with my friend. He found out he wasn't actually Scottish. He's actually Ukrainian because his grandpa had a whole family that he never knew about

that they found out existed through one of those websites. So what's one thing about your family or life that you didn't learn until late in life and it just blew your mind or shocked your world? Oh, and how could I forget that my grandpa, who is named Irving, it says that on his driver's license, passport and everything.

Somehow when we were going through all his old stuff in his old safe, we found his original birth certificate and it said his name was Isidore. We've been calling him the wrong name his whole life. That is a thing with old people. My grandmother had the wrong name on her birth certificate and it said his name was Isidore. We've been calling him the wrong name his whole life. That is a thing with old people. My grandmother had the wrong name on her birth certificate. I think when they were just, when they were coming over

and shit, it was just a free-for-all. It was like, I don't know, whoever, you know? My mom was telling that story this weekend because my mom's name is Paula but everyone calls her Polly. And she said when she was going to kindergarten for the first time ever, she was very nervous and really uncomfortable with the whole idea,

and her mom walked into the door, and she was like, you're going to be fine. By the way, your name is Paula. And she's like, and I had. What? And she was like, what is my name? I don't have my name. I was worried about my outfit.

Now I got to worry about what my name is? That's really funny. That's great. I mean, listen. He's a little young. 23 is like crazy, by the way. You're born in 2001. That's crazy.

I was about to say, like, I think a lot of people were mold babies. I love the term mold babies. Yeah, yeah. Like, I think, you know, I lot of my a lot of people my age are probably cigarette babies and booze babies and you know lead paint babies and all that so i think a little bit of mold it's like it's like it's like pollen like dust you're just like naturally exposed to it i what one um sorry this kind of was like sorry, this kind of was, like, not related. I kind of was thinking, whatever.

It's your world, Jess. Sorry. Whatever you want to talk about. I, one, oh, one, like, New Year's Eve. I forget, my friends and I were talking, we were, like, oh, like, people are getting pregnant. I don't know, like, people are partying, like, it's a big, like, accidental pregnancy day, you know? And then I was, like, I don't really know what, like, a lot of babies are being conceived tonight. I don't really know why we're talking about, but, like, just people go hard, people fuck, whatever.

And I was like, yeah, like, oh, well. Sorry, I'm not telling this at all. Whatever. But point is, I did the math, and I was like, oh, those babies would be born on September. And then I realized, like, my birthday is September 6th, and I was most likely an accident conceived on New Year's Eve. And that's how I realized I was an accident. Did your parents tell you that for sure?

They didn't. They laughed when I asked. So I'm 90% sure I'm an accident. But it was, like, the moment when we all realized, I was like, yeah, they would be born, like, oh all those bastard babies they'd have the same birthday as me yeah that's funny yeah i didn't find out i was supposed to be jewish for a long time like i didn't know feidelberg oh right right i didn't know beridelberg was... Oh, right, right. I didn't know Bergs were Jewish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was raised very, not very Catholic, but really Catholic. I will never forget when you sent me that email being like,

I'll do it, but I am not Jewish. What? And it makes perfect sense once you, like, think it through. But, like, the initial reaction, you know. Especially, like, I think if you were vital with a d it would remind me more of like heidelberg like heider hozen yeah you know what i mean but that t and berg i was like it like i mean i was a victim of multiple hate crimes before i realized like there was like there was slide swastikas under his door hockey camp

they would slide swastikas under my door and I would just step over him and be like wrong guy yeah like who's this for

do I have a roommate here what's going on in college my freshman year of college people drew swastikas on my door and I was like

what the fuck those guys were probably like this guy's like impervious yeah you can't crack this guy we're gonna have to

like burn a cross but do you think he would have defended if you were Jewish like the stuff doesn't no yeah yeah he would probably be like whatever I don't think so

also I just watched The Sound of Music I did not realize that is so I remember there being about like a movie about like teaching kids the joy of music

and then they like there's so many like Heil Hitler's in there I don't remember not problematic but just like it should have been I was like oh

this took like a left turn. I don't remember. That was crazy. Yeah, big time. Big time Nazi movie. Yeah. I didn't really realize Jewish until probably Barstool. I just kept thinking people were talking to the wrong guy.

Right. No, that's really funny. It must just be some other Jew at the school. No, the other one. Two doors down. It really didn't really set really sit it set in probably until that email maybe until like i was talking to k marco my first day and he's like so you're jewish right why does everyone think that and it's not like there is judaism down my family tree but like

it wasn't german jews latvian it was it not, really. I'm the least Jewish person in the world, aside from my last name. I haven't found out you're Ukrainian when you thought you were Scottish. That's a pretty big... You're thinking you're drinking beers

and golf in the highlands. And you get this accent, you know, and it's like, no, man, you're Eastern European. And also just find out you're Ukrainian right now. It's like, am I supposed to feel a way about this now? I gotta go to war? Do I have to care about the news? Next up. All right, KFC.

Jackie, what's up? Seems like a perfect KFC radio question. Put together NFL parlays on who would win in a hypothetical fight between the mascots. Like a lion versus a pirate. Like a buccaneer? Lion's going to win every time. Putting together a 16-leg parlay. Let's see if we can win a bunch of money just because a lion can definitely beat a pirate. A buffalo can

go in water. They're going to beat the dolphins tonight. I think the lions will win this like every time, though. What's beating a lion? I mean, I think a buccaneer could beat a lion.

Right? Yeah, I'm thinking about animals. I think the humans... I think I buccaneer could be lying. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking about animals. Yeah. I think the humans. I think I have more faith in an opposable thumb than most. But I think that a human. Why did you just say that? You have more faith or less faith?

More faith than an opposable thumb. But the way that you said, like, than most. Like, you've been studying it. Like, 49% of people like the opposable thumb. But I, yeah, listen. Not I. I've been a part of the opposable thumb. Yeah, listen. Not I. I've been a part of big opposable thumb for years now. I'm leading the party charge.

I would say, you know, technically, it depends on the circumstances. If you're just, like, locked in a cage with them. But if it's, like, we have use of all of our faculties, all the human mascots gotta go up to the top. I'm just gonna fucking shoot you. 49% don't think that. Most of the human mascots have a weapon. So a Patriot has a musket.

Muskets are trash. I feel like you could get shot in the fucking head with a musket and you'd probably be alright. I remember hearing once in middle school that in the dueling era like the guns were so inaccurate because they didn't have piping and stuff

in the rifle barrel that like if you were dueling versus a mattress you hit it like 3 out of 10 times. Because the balls would spin and it was I had no idea where that shit was going. I think Because the balls would spin. Yeah. Had no idea where that shit's going.

I think that's why we won the war. I feel like we just started stabbing them with bayonets and just jumping out of trees and shit. It's like, fuck these muskets. Let's just beat them to death. But I'm sure the diseases that came from getting a musket in you. Yeah. It was a bad way to go. Cannonballs just wrecking through your legs.

What are these little gay little logos you pulled up? What are these? The mascots. But these aren't like the mascots, are they? They're not the mascots. They're like cartoons. If we're talking animals, you got the bears, the lions, and the

Bengals. That's lions and tigers and bears on mine. Yeah. You got Broncos. I don't know what a Panthers deal is. The Lions and the Bengals. That's Lions and Tigers and Bears on mine. Yeah. Right? Those are the... You got Broncos? Broncos, man. I don't know what a Panthers deal is. A Panther is kind of like a Tiger. But I mean, I just don't really know.

Are they tougher than Tigers or are they just like the same? I think they're the same sort of thing. Are there any modern... There's a lot of birds. And the birds are an interesting one because they have the attack from the air where they will fuck you up. But it's like, will an eagle kill a lion? No. But will a lion be able to kill an eagle?

Probably not. That's like a, you know what I mean? Like an eagle is not going to just stay on the ground and get eaten. Vikings pretty badass. Oh, Vikings the one. Because a Viking is a hybrid animal-human. Yeah. You know what I mean?

The Vikings were just basically like animals in human form. They were fucking so gangster, man. Doing all sorts of crazy shit. The Viking blood thing, what was that called? They would skin you and hang you up. Yeah, the angel. Some kind of angel. Vikings did not fuck around.

By the way, if you've never seen the show vikings on history channel it's one of the greatest most underrated shows of all time yeah the first four seasons of vikings on history channel i know it sounds crazy because it's history channel but it's like a scripted show i don't i don't i don't think i finished it because it kind of fell off because it was like historically accurate so like your favorite character just fucking dies but um it's one of the absolute greatest shows you will ever watch vikings yes ragnar this guy ragnar lothbrok he's like the fucking man is so goddamn cool and it's it's like all i think pretty historically accurate

it's fucking awesome but anyway i think viking would be the answer but commander i'm putting like in modern times like a modern commander fucking ruin your world i think of a commander as like commander-in-chief like obama like given the word but like he's not the real badass is that true but i think most commanders i don't i don't know where it ranks in military ranking but like commander-in-chief is the head guy. But to be a commander, I imagine you gotta have fucking... You gotta command it. Yeah.

I still think I'll take a Viking. Viking over fucking operator? I'll take an operator. I mean... But it's also, like, me with a gun. I could beat a lion. So you don't need, like... I don't think you could beat a lion with a gun.

I don't think so. With a gun? No. I think of a lion... How many don't need like... I don't think you could beat a lion with a gun. I don't think so. With a gun? No. I think of a lion... How many times have you shot a gun? Yeah. Would you even know how to shoot a gun? Yeah.

I don't doubt that you... Do you think this... Have you ever shot a gun? Yeah, but like I'm not good at it. Now imagine a lion charging at you while you do it. But like I'm not good at like one shot. If I have a whole loaded gun and I have bullets. You just spray and pray?

Yeah. What? This lion's going to be on you like that. Yeah, you got, like, you got maybe one, maybe two shots. And you're probably, maybe you'll hit him, but it's not going to be a kill shot. And then he's just going to paw you to death while he's, like, bleeding. You got to hit him, like, square in the eyes. Yeah. Okay.

Not to mention you've got to go through can I really kill this animal right now? You've got to weigh the morality of it real quick. Okay, but gun and ass, I don't know. If I have weapons, I have shits. You'd have to bunker hill that shit, so you'd have probably one shot. Do you think, okay,

this might be like a... Do you think that in terms of gun laws, if like Dylan Mulvaney were to start being like guns... That would be funny, actually. Do you think that that's the only way that gun people... Would accept him? Would be like, okay, I don't care about this anymore. If like RuPaul and Dylan Mulvaney... people would accept them would like be like okay i don't care about this anymore if like rupaul

and dylan mulvaney yeah like so anyway i started blasting yeah you just start like marketing it as like that would be so fun do you think that guns are gay that would be a really like honestly that would be the only i hate to say this but it's actually probably true because like talking about babies being murdered is not enough to get people off of guns if they started an anti-nra campaign that was just like guns are gay and you just hooked up all of the gay influencers with guns you'd have them off that shit so fast. Pew, pew! Isn't this one cute? That is not a bad idea. If I'm anti-gun right now,

I'm thinking about that heavy. Who would it be? I was always on the fence about my sexuality until I bought a gun. Now I know I'm gay. Now I'm a... That would be... Who would be the number one person you would...

Would it be Dylan Mulvaney? I don't understand how that person became... I have never seen that anywhere else except for Bud Light. The fact that she even got the deal is crazy. You just picked someone who's not that popular, I don't think. In that world, maybe, but like nowhere else. I'd never heard of Dylan Mulvaney before. Never.

And never since. No. It's crazy. Yeah. And now Shane's just so rich because of it. He should send like 10% to Dylan Mulvaney. Be like, thanks. Thanks for the backlash.

There you go. All right. Next up. Or last up. The one that we didn't cover that theoretically will win it all. Saints. Saints? Because of our savior God? Well, they definitely have supernatural abilities.

Whether or not they use them, I guess, brings the saint definition into question. But theoretically. What do saints do, anyway? What has a saint ever done? Name one miracle that's good in battle. But they at least have the access. They're supernatural. They have the access.

They have their niches. They're not like, oh, I can just fucking shoot lasers and kill you. It's like, maybe I can raise myself from the dead. That'd be the only thing. What about Michael the Archangel? He's a fucking gangster, no? He's a saint, right?

He was kind of the devil. He was the fallen angel or whatever. Michael the Archangel. Who was he? Michael the Archangel. He was a warrior. Warrior angel. Yeah.

Okay, but Jesus Christ himself kind of died. He died himself. The main one got the shit who, kind of died. He died himself. Like, the main one got the shit whooped out of him. But he could have gotten down if he wanted to. That's why I'm saying the saints thing. He said he had to die. If they were the New Orleans Jesuses, the New Orleans Christs maybe, but they're just saints.

And as far as I know, saints are like, I don't know, they do some corny shit that's not that impressive. Yeah, what if it was like, I'm taking saints, and you can send down any one of them because it's 50-50, right? Maybe Michael the Archangel comes down, maybe Mother Teresa comes down. Mother Teresa comes down, you're like, son of a bitch. This isn't going to go well for us. I didn't know saints had specific powers.

Different type of saints have different powers. I didn't realize that had specific powers. Like, different type of saints have different powers. I didn't realize that. Did you know that? Well, yeah, because it's like, there's like the patron saint of this, the patron saint of that. So they all are kind of tied to that thing. But, yeah, you might get a real pussy saint. Mother Teresa comes down and tries to wash the lion's feet. She was a bitch, bro.

She might be nastier than you think, dude. I've heard she was. Her and Gandhi were like fucking terrible people. So you never know. Maybe Mother Teresa washes the whole NFL mascot. Last up. Hi, Fights, Kevin, Jackie, Pats. Love you all.

Question more for Fights. Criminal Minds, favorite TV show ever. I could watch the first 30 seconds and tell you what the entire episode is. Would love to know what your favorite plot line is possibly from it. For example, mine is when Emily dies and she comes back. I love that. It's great. Chef's kiss.

But I was also wondering wondering because I watched so much Criminal Mind, my idea of the FBI is completely skewed. And like, I think, I think, yeah, they probably could like beat somebody to death like Hotch did and still have a job. I think that would be okay. Um, so I wondering, what are some job descriptions that you have completely messed up in your head because of TV? Obviously, like Doctors and Grey's Anatomy, Hotch beating the shit out of Foyette and still having a job. Just wondering.

Love you guys. Viva. I feel like lawyers is the number one answer. I feel like movies and tv makes lawyering looks so fucking awesome yeah cool and dramatic and it's actually just some fucking dork and you're just fucking doing paperwork motions judges and shit like that it sucks a dick the lawyer is definitely a good one. To answer the first question, The Reaper is my favorite storyline.

Naturally. Criminal Minds High needs to stand up. You've got to do something official with Criminal Minds. Some merch or a watch-along. It's still running or no? Still running. No way. It's not so good. I did the first season on Paramount+.

I did the first season on Paramount+, and I have not kept up or didn't follow the second one. Wait, wait, wait. You've only watched one season of Criminal Minds? No, no. So you know how they do, they fuck everyone? So Criminal Minds has 17 seasons. Okay. Which I've watched probably all of those.

Okay. That's what I thought. Then they moved it to Paramount+, when streaming got big. and they changed it to criminal minds evolution oh so you're just watching a new series it's but it's not same people same people just except no no spence at least in season one and no hot uh no more is that one of those like we're bringing it back because of streaming like it's so popular yeah it sucks yeah but you've seen like but it's like 90 the same cast i thought you were about to tell me you've only watched like 20 criminal minds no no no what um the uh yeah the boston reaper with hotch and his family is for sure the best one that's that spanned many seasons yeah yeah um the uh i don't know if it was from tv but a a profession that i i had really misguided for a

while misguided thoughts on for a while was uh bouncers i thought bouncers were like like like the navy seal type shit like you were appointed by the mayor yeah like you had all the power you had you had it was like like like it was a branch of the armed forces. Yes. Probably above the Air Force. It was Marines, Army, Navy, Bouncers. These guys were fucking running. National Guard. Now, I don't know any Bouncers, but I've run into enough Bouncers to know. They can't do anything.

There's not that much importance there. No. That is a good one. That's a very good one. Agents with Ari Gold. I don not that much importance there. No. That is a good one. That's a very good one. Agents with like Ari Gold. Like, I don't think that they're that cool. Yeah, that's a good one. That's very lawyer-esque where it's like you're just doing paperwork and shit.

We're just like, yeah, these professions in TV, they're cool as hell. In real life, they're just Jewish. End on that note. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.