KFC Radio - 2022 Best Of - Inside Barstool Monday Episodes

Episode Date: December 26, 2022

This is 2022's best moments from your favorite Barstool Guests! Which was your favorite moment? Timecodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:00:22 Tommy Smokes uses Hannah Cook for views 00:03:43 Big Cat - Barstool Originals Survivor 00:08:52 Will Compton & Taylor Lewan - H*rny Boys 00:12:02 Francis Ellis - Returning to Barstool 00:15:30 Rudy - Girls' A**holes are the Upsidedown 00:17:39 Stu Feiner - Doing shady stuff for $$$ 00:23:35 Owen Roeder - Getting kicked off a plane 00:30:32 Kelly Keegs - Don't Date a Man Who Loves Sports More Than You 00:38:45 Frankie Borrelli - having a mental breakdown while working for Dave Portnoy 00:42:39 Hank - Almost Quitting Barstool 00:47:54 Rudy - Guy who JO'd so much he died 00:52:16 Big Cat - Killing a deer 00:54:48 Will Compton & Taylor Lewan - Feits' Ex Slid into Taylor's DMs 00:57:14 Stu Feiner - Coming up with "Eat A** Lick Cl**" 01:05:43 Francis Ellis - Outrage from Emergency Lane Videos 01:12:40 Rudy - The Best Episode of Reality TV Ever 01:15:44 Kelly Keegs - Her Only Fans Success 01:18:09 Frankie Borrelli - Breast Feeding For You Page 01:23:42 Pat - getting injured on a trip with Feits and PFTYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What a thrill to see you two, huh? I love you guys. i won't do tiktok because i i so often opine how i don't like twitter i don't like social media how it doesn't make me feel good yeah and i just i'm i'm staying true to like i am not getting sucked into another one i'm what with tiktok yeah yeah i'm not doing it i'm and like it'll it'll undoubtedly affect my career it'll undoubtedly affect our career um thanks bro uh but i'm just like it doesn't make me feel good and it doesn't make me happy i'll tell you what fucking not to feel good because tiktoks go viral

like so if i have a tiktok going viral i'll be hearing that i will make tiktok i will make sure it's like last night i had one that got like uh like a million views almost and i was just the whole night i was just like waiting that's what i mean i don't want to be there new followers like i don't even watch all i watch tiktok is my page how much my followers i have 191 000 on tiktok wow That's the most I have on any app. Wow. And you put Tommy's thoughts on there and shit? Yeah, I put a bunch of, I don't know, just random stuff on there.

Put, what's her face on there? Thumbnails of her and then get all the views from that. Oh, milk her like a cow. It's funny because it was so genuine. That was not a joke. He said said milk her like a cow stone face i know when we're doing uh tiktok together i'm literally uh what's the fucking the guy in miracle uh car brooks yeah just again again again and i've gotten her to be a decent actor not good i wouldn't i wouldn't dare say good but she's gotten better i saw that video where you basically made that video and i could tell you were being serious

there was completely the best was uh you know he gave her some line it's like uh that's because i'm gluten-free tommy whatever the line was and she said like and then it's like action and she's like uh it's because i have that food allergy you know and tommy goes like it's just it's like action. And she's like, uh, it's because I have that food allergy, you know? And Tommy goes like, it's just, it's just not the script. Yeah. It's not what I told you to say. Entirely different words. There is no room for improv in my,

as a director, I do not allow improv. You read the words that I said, you like it. The, the original, uh, gluten-free,

you dumb bitch. Is what I, I show that video to like everybody. When you're, when you're chomping on a chip and you're like, you you dumb bitch is what I show that video to like everybody chomping on a chip you're like again genuine and funny that but is Hannah laugh about this sometimes I really get what she's doing has she ever been like there's been times where she's been like i don't want to do this one i'll be like hannah honey i know what i'm doing here we're making magic like like there was there and everyone she's asking for hannah when i'm done with you she'll admit this she'll be like there's been ones that like i think the most viewed might

be my or one of my most viewed tiktok ever it's like five million videos and she was like i'm not or videos and she was like i'm not doing this one she was like this one doesn't make any sense it's not funny and i said how about you just hop on my back and i'll carry us to the finish line and i'll show you the goddamn results at the end of the day what did she say when that one like no she was like you got yeah you're right you're right and now guess what? Guess who doesn't get doubted? This guy.

Like we said, it was a slow progression to him turning into a dick. Would you do a surviving barstool with all of the originals? Yeah, so I actually... Because Dave was talking about it, and he was like, Dan would do it in a heartbeat. And I was like, I mean, I guess... I don't know. I don't think I would enjoy that at all. I don't want any like if you guys all did it i would i would like i couldn't be the

pussy who like backs out of it i don't want to do that so that was straight up i've started training for it yeah are you i know it's going to happen well and when i work out i'm thinking about well really that was i think the day portnoy show was the week after we were in Saratoga, and I actually told him that the thing that we, if we could ever figure it out, would be OG's Amazing Race. And so it's like you two together, me and PFT. Nightmare. Dave and his dad. No way.

Dave and his dad. Like you could do Hank and Gaz. Like all these combos of people and then like but like we're going around the country right racing around

like could you imagine how fucking awesome that would be so Amazing Race is they do challenges or just traveling yeah they get point A

to point B and then they do a challenge and then like there's so it might not be exactly like Survivor I'd be better at that than Survivor yeah so like I don't know i don't know if survivors like the game the mental shit right and i don't know if it would work with me i'm also not doing the fucking we're

not i'm not going to an island i'll do like this surviving right i'm not living in the wilderness for fucking i'd be better at that too yeah i make it really hard because i'm good at that let's just make a pact though it's if Amazing Race, it would be a good combo. You want to do the physical challenges and I'll do the mental shit. And seeing the interactions of everyone. But if we do ever do Surviving Barstool, we just have to vote Dave off right away. Right away. He doesn't realize that.

I don't think he... He said that about Tommy. He was like, if me or the regular guys were in it, we would all vote Tommy off right away just simply out of spite because we know he wants to win and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, well, yeah, we would do that to you. No, I think you guys, I am not saying I'd vote Dave off.

Really? Because I'm still terrified of Dave. Dave can't have been like, don't vote me off. And that's why we might be in trouble because we'd be rallying people. Yeah, and then he would flip it on everyone. We want to vote for Dave, yeah. And then Dave would be like, yeah, if you vote for me, I'm firing you.

And they'd be like, okay, we're not voting for you. Yeah, fuck. He wouldn't have to threat the firing. He'd be like, don't vote me off. I'd be like, okay. I think I would be like, if you don't vote for Dave here, I'll never talk to you again.

You guys have to work it. Dude, he used to come into Milton and not say hi to people. Do you understand? He would blow hi to people. Do you understand? He would just blow right past them. Do you understand what that takes? One of my favorite. I do feel bad.

He would leave and not say bye. That's crazy. Dude, dude, remember? I laugh about this every night. It'll pop in my brain every now and then. It was HQ2, and I think it was right around the beginning, and it was when Kevin, Dave, and I were like, we were butting heads. There was a time where it wasn't like, because I think it was right around the beginning, and it was when Kevin, Dave, and I were like, we were butting heads. There was a time where it wasn't like, because I think everything was new

and we were all trying to do our own thing and everything. And I think someone had been like, I think me or Kevin were like, dude, you're intimidating to people. And he had a baseball bat because he just had it in his office. He came out with the baseball bat and pointed it at Smitty and was like, do I intimidate you? And I was like, dude, yes! You've got a weapon in your hand.

He went into his office. We had that argument. He went into his office, stood on it for a moment, and then came out to be like, I'm going to find out if this is true or not with a bat. Who's intimidated by me? None of you guys are intimidated, right? That was crazy.

Firing a gun in the ear. That was nuts. So funny. But, I i mean you would have to vote him off and then from there i think it would actually be it would get dead no it would that's but the problem is like and these they all went through it's like when you are especially if it was for 100 grand if you fucked me over for 100 grand yeah we're not friends anymore yeah like straight up straight up i'd be very we are not friends anymore. Yeah. Like, straight up. Straight up. I'd be very pissed. We are not friends anymore. I'd be very pissed. It would have to be, like, if we got to the final. I'd be like, if we're in the final three, then, like, so be it.

Somebody's got to win. But if one of you guys fucked me over for $100,000, I will never talk to you again. What's the level that you're okay with it? Like, a level of money where I'd be like, yeah, whatever? See, this is the weird thing. This is what I run into with gambling as well, where it's either like I have to bet so much that it really affects me, or I haven't found my unit, my middle ground.

I'm like, I care, but it's not going to cripple me. Dude, this is a perfect tie-in to the original KFC Radio. When I think back, I think I said I could retire with $10,000. I was like, I could retire with 10 grand I was like I could retire go to an island yeah I was like like I think about because it was actually like the perfect time that we did you know when we were starting that show was because I think about all the things that I was so cocky about and now 10 years removed with kids and like I'm slowing down it's like I couldn't do any of that shit 10 grand would go in like a heartbeat

it would be like okay alright so that's the nanny and yeah alright we're done you would be able to retire for roughly 12 hours if there's no football on if there's football on less you know I feel like the reason it's all charged up right now we got no No Nut November going on.

Are you participating? Yeah, we're both. Really? Wait, you're both participating for real for real? It's 28. Like that's no sex or no masturbation? Both. Both?

Get the fuck out of here. Hey, there was an amendment made. There was one amendment made. What, that you can have sex? We will not talk about what our legal team put together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true, that's true. not talk about what our legal team put together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true, that's true. But we are participants in No Not November.

But just know that we have two more days, and then watch out, world. That boy's hitting the ceiling there. It has been tough. It has been a tough month for us. I appreciate you respecting us. Yeah, I was going to say, you just come eventually, don't you? No. That's what happened to our boy Bob Fox. 19 days, he came.

Really? Yeah. We made him do it. It was one of the most illegal things ever at Barstool Sports. I think he was 17 years old. I think he was underage. He was underage. He was an intern.

And there was a news story on the rundown about a guy who was trying not to come and blah, blah, blah. And I think we were like, that story's bullshit because you would come eventually or whatever. And we didn't have an answer. So we needed some scientific evidence. So Bob Fox was our guinea pig. He went 19 days with no masturbation and famously said, no cum out of this dick. We were on like day 15.

I was like, you're lying to me. No cum out of this dick. We just have TVs behind it. Days since Bob Fox came. It had his face. With his little 17-year-old face. Was he really 17? I think so. I think by the grace of God,

he was legal, but he was 18 years old. That's a fairly legal line. He's right there. And then day 19, he came on the rundown and he was like, middle of the night,

just busted. Because eventually, I think it just just builds up. No. Yes. Have you ever had a wet dream when you were a kid? No.

I never have. No, me neither. Dude, I would always have those fucking dreams. I never have. Dan Cook's got a bit about it. I've always wanted to. Where you're like dreaming and you're like hooking up with the hottest chick in the world and you're like, you kind of wake up and you're pretending to be back asleep.

Yeah, you're trying to capture it again. Take me back to that. You guys have never come to your sleep. I remember waking up like grinding on my mattress. Like, holy, that wasn't real. Dude. See, he let the horny out. You're good at it.

Listen, it's out. It's just been 28 long, hard days. You guys are talking about all this stuff. I'm like, god damn. Dude, I had a... You guys are not actually doing it, right? No, we are... You have not come.

No. I mean, he's got a bad poker face. You might be doing it, but he's got a bad poker face. There was an amendment. For one guy. Yeah, I haven't. Did we just blow the nut on No Nut November?

Oh, my God. That breaks my heart. You were my safe space. We talked on the airport how horny we were walking to the plane today just a couple we literally said just a couple of horny boys on the way to New York

I'm a horny boy I'm a horny boy so you just been coming or just once or you just been coming you just gave up listen November is taking a toll on us all.

Where's your bathroom at, dude? I'll be back in a second. So, yeah, they had me on. And, you know, then, of course, Dave saw it and was like, yeah, I don't care. Which is so funny that he says that, though. Because there was a time where he wouldn't have been like, I don't care. Yeah, but to be fair, that time was three years ago. I know.

I guess so. And so then Dave had me on the Dave Portnoy show a week later, and I think he wasn't. Sorry to interrupt again. That happened because of Son of a Boy Dad? Yeah. Like that put it back on the radar? Yeah.

Interesting. Okay. And he had me on, and maybe it was even only four days later because eddie hit me up and was like you want to come on and i said sure yeah but i was very nervous because i didn't know how dave felt towards me or about me that's not an easy show to go on no and i went on and it was incredibly warm and kind of fine and cordial and very he was appreciative. I was like probably more praise that I received from him in that 20 minute interview than I did in the two and a half years that I'd worked here. And it was definitely a conversation that seemed to be leading towards the door opening. And sure enough.

So like right then and there as you're doing the show or you think it happened in real time yeah i had suspected um given the things that he had said on his show the week before where he was like yeah i saw francis on son of a boy dad you know if he were interested in working here again i would entertain it interesting and i was like, oh, okay. Because, dude, I'm telling you, until that day, there was no part of me that thought I would ever work here again. And not because I didn't want to necessarily, but because I just assumed there was no opportunity. I didn't think that the company had any interest in hiring me again or ever would. And I was doing fine and i just thought our lives were gonna go in parallel whatever different directions and that would be it um but my god it happened so fast i went on dave's show good interview that night he starts texting me and

he's like all right let's see if we can make this happen. We text back and forth, get to an agreement the next morning. And that was a week and a half before my wedding. So in the fucking two weeks leading up to my wedding. Which is like the most stressful time in anybody's life. All of a sudden this, you know, enormous past rears its head and then welcomes you back as i put it the the school that expelled me or the ex that broke my heart that i took me three years to heal from finally saw hey he's lost some weight he's making good stuff why don't you like you again what do you say we try and uh i'm like oh my god i'm i i want to be just focused on the wedding and all this. But it all happened.

And then I got married and went on the honeymoon the next day for two weeks, I guess. And then two days after the honeymoon, I got back. I came in for my first day. So it's been an insane month. Yeah, for real. That is a wild month. One month. I would call it my wedding, I think.

I was going to say. So I dumped her. I would have called off my wedding, I think. I was going to say. So I dumped her. I went back to Barstool. If Dave was like, you can work here, I'm just so scared of Dave that I'd be like, all right, fine. I'll start tomorrow. No, you don't have to do that. No, no, no. It's fine.

It's fine. We'll call the wedding off. What was the thing on Joe Rogan? You might know it. It was like plastics are – there's some sort of correlation between our taints shrinking. Oh, you've said this before. Bigger taints mean like more masculinity. Right.

And our taints are shrinking, and part of the reason is something about plastic bottles. Yeah, like – I got it. I got it. Joe Rogan mad libs. It's like insert this because this is making you unhealthy. It's like taint, plastic bottle, masculinity. Knowing nothing about anything, I gotta throw a

challenge flag. I don't think the pollen springs are shrinking my taint. I just don't. I have no science to back me up. I think the taints are shrinking. I think that is true. Fine. But that's happening evolutionarily, right?

Yeah, I think it's just something uh monkeys or primates or whatever we evolved from must have fucking huge dates and ours are smaller so that's a sign of like uh you know less so you can go back and forth i just yeah i guess it's a sign of like monkeys don't get to go back and forth it's just like a blank canvas you know what I mean it's like stupid like girls don't have taints girls have just like that They have they have a girls have one of those fake walls and you put up in New York City to create a fake bed Yeah, it's like the straight-up Gibraltar. It's like a tiny. It's like a tiny land bridge Yeah You can kind of just pinch it. Yeah.

You just feel it. It's almost like the upside down. It's like showing your thing in the upside down. It's like you're in the pussy, but you're not. And then like the dark world is the ass. Where's Will Byers? He's in the upside down. Oh, he's doing... Is it someone's ass?

I think that's why they even have the openings in the newer season look like vaginas. Yeah, I mean, that's so funny. There's so many pussies in Stringer's ass. And the kids aren't fucking any of them. That's so funny. Like, the guy comes in. He's like, I figured it out. Will Byers is in an ass.

He's in someone's ass. You gotta get him out. Just go. That's what I mean. It was never like, you know, you're in trouble as far as like. Well, no, when I was in trouble, I borrowed money. I borrowed up to $7 million. So it was like $3 million to the mafia at like four points a week.

I was paying them $12,000 cash a week. No interest back But I had the strength to do that because I was with I've been I was with people since 1980 were you a plus? I was an earner. They always looked at me like Stewie the Jew The Christmas parties I was telling like twisted history like these people like hey, this is fucking Stewie the Jew He's a fucking earner for us. Say hello to Stewie. Yeah No, I'm serious, you him, right? Vinny just got out of jail for killing five people. Why? No, and I'm serious. Meet Vinny the Knife. Knife, ten people. I believe it.

But he only went to jail for killing five. I'm like, all the time. I'm like, hi, Vinny. Hey. You know, like, my dick is inside my body. Right, right. But they like you, right? I'm the vagina of a four-year-old.

Like, literally, there'd be no balls. They'd be sucked in, and my penis would be inside, inverted, and there would just be, like, a little slit, like I was a four-year-old. Like, literally, there'd be no balls, they'd be sucked in, and my penis would be inside inverted, and there would just be like a little slit like I was a four-year-old. Like, literally, that's how scared I was for seven hours

I believe it. at this party. I just, you know. Yes, sir, yes, sir. Did any part of you, at what stage of this was of your borrowing? Like, did any part of you

think, like, I'm getting whack at this party? No, no, no. At the very beginning parties when everything was super mellow, like, what happened was this. Like, I told the story

in Twisted History where we had an office. We had the top floor. I went from 100 square feet to the whole floor, 3,000 square feet. There was a place at the bottom that they got hookers

and strip girls to dance at strip clubs. Now remember, this is 1982 and they all look like cracks heads, you know, and they're all like disgusting, ugly, you know, like bone all like disgusting ugly you know like

bone bones girls you know and um all of a sudden this guy shows up one day and his name was uh joey bang bang and he got out of jail for killing five people and he owns the place he doesn't like my partner he made a move on my partner smacked him around twice my partner reached out to his friend in the mafia they smacked him around the third time partner reached out to his friend in the mafia. They smacked him around a third time. It was like the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen in your life. But anyway. He called someone for help

and that person picked the shit up. Literally. How wild is that? And the only reason he knew is he had to drive to Brooklyn and they were hyping up this guy that he was going to meet.

But the guy that made a move on him really was a killer. So they weren't lying. And they asked him his address. And he thought that was wild. So he gave him a fake address. Next day they came to the office, smacked him around and said, we know where you live. We're going to kill you. So he gave him a fake address. Next day they came to the office, smacked him around and said, we know where you live, we're gonna kill you.

They gave him a fake address, oh my God. The first time the mafia guy downstairs made a move and hit my, I was late getting to the office, like 20 minutes, otherwise I would have been involved. The next time, same exact thing. It was unbelievable. Like people thought that it was me doing it. Right, you're just missing these guys

I'm like 21. He's like 43 Italian that went wild got a toupee got his face made up Put like 50,000 worth of jewelry and when this guy got out of jail he shunned him I'm like are you crazy shutting him? He's a greaseball. I'm like, I don't care what you think. Yeah He's a murderer and he's gonna kill you and he's nice to me Fuck him he went to me. I mean, why? Why are you doing this? He's like, fuck him. He went to jail.

I'm like, oh, my God. So it really was fucking stupid. So you were liked by the mafia then? Why? Did you have any enemies? Everybody likes Stewie the Jew, right? Well, no, no, no. This guy was my enemy at the time until I secured a position, and then everything was smooth. Yes.

Did you ever, like, was there ever a moment where you were in deep and I'm not going to be able to pay them back? No. You were always pretty good with that. No, because they knew, first of all, they gave me so much credit

that it was inhuman. Got it. They gave me credit on the shot that I was going to pay back a third of the money and I paid back 100% with interest.

My man. You know what I mean? So, whatever. And then I- And what's your famous line? You said, I made $72 million and I spent 70, or I made 71 and I spent 72 or something? Correct. Like literally whatever. And then I... And what's your famous line? You said, I made $72 million and I spent 70...

Or, I made 71 and I spent 72 or something like that. Correct. Like, literally. Right. Like, literally. Right. Like, that's your life ledger. I still owe a mortgage on my house.

I won't, you know, within a year, God willing. But, I mean, it's amazing. You can't take it with you. You spent it. You rode the roller coaster. I'm sure it was stressful as fuck. But, when it's all said and done, you're on your deathbed. You're going to say you lived.

For years on end, for years on end, we'd work from 8 in the morning until 10 at night. Yeah. And then we would open all the FedExes that came in that had cash in it. So that's how you were getting all those FedExes. And my only job. Boxes of money. And my only job was to, like, spend the money. So we would then drive to Atlantic City at, like, get there at like 3.15, gamble until 4.

Then it closed down then. At 4 o'clock, it wasn't 24 hours. Yeah. And then we'd eat and come home back to work. I never even thought about that. Obviously, if I logically thought of it, like, yeah, you were getting cash sent to you. It wasn't credit or shit. I guess tax too, right?

Well, there was a limit on the amount that people would trust us on a MasterCard and Visa because you could just fucking bang it out. Like you could just hit people's cards, the money goes in your bank, then they charge back a month later, and then they just spew it. You know, you got three months there, you could just murder people. I mean, that would be like straight up criminal shit, right? Yeah, but everyone did that.

You were doing that? No, no, I wasn't doing that. In every form of business, people were doing that. But in my business, I could never get credit cards or credit because they were like, we don't understand how you're not a bookmaker. We don't believe someone's paying you for bits. What are they buying? And I'm like, they're buying my opinion. We're not lending you a penny on that.

So to get a merchant number was very hard. So we only got a merchant number was very hard like so we only got like a merchant at the beginning for 2,500 a week in business if we're selling you know 10 250 sales and that was it so then people would have to send cash problem cash is you could always get it on the back end after you won but to get it up front yeah you know because people are coming in not having money you know what I mean people are never paying my business, going, hey, how you doing?

I'm doing great. I'm gambling. I'm winning. Let's go. You know, he's trying to get back. You know, they might say that, but the reality is they're killed. They're crushed.

They're buried. They need cash. You don't reach out to help on any level, males, until you're in trouble. You know, like, it's already too late, you know, like, most of the time. For sure. So, yeah, so it was like the easiest sale.

It was a good sale. We were going to have you on last week, and texted me sorry can't do it getting kicked off an airplane i was like yeah uh i'll come again um so you see these things like yeah disposable like nicotine um i'm just like super addicted to them which is like ugh what a what a lame thing it's like let me take out my turquoise yeah no no no like it it just makes me look so bad all the time i'm such a nerd when it came to like cigarettes and stuff because i i i mean cigarettes look cool as fuck i do get yeah but is that why but that doesn't look cool no it looks I do get that. But is that why? But that doesn't look cool. No, it looks the opposite. So why did you start that?

Or you started with cigarettes and you're trying to get off of them? I was actually, I was packing dip. Got it. And I switched to like Juul and this actually when I got this job. Because I was like, even though it's this job, I'm like, I'm not trying to show up to an office and be spitting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fucking disgusting what you animals do. Yeah.

Did. Did, yeah. Dude, I'm like a year and a half clean. I know, you are, you are. But the fact that people would just have like a bottle of brown spit and just sit there with it. That's too much. I was doing it in the pandemic, but like I'm working from my bedroom.

Yeah, yeah. So I switched to like Juul and eventually this. Dude, when we first got here, we were just doing like full on meetings like with other people. Like with like, like we'd be with like Erica,, but there would also be someone else in an interview and me and Koli would have our feet up and fucking, what would you do if you worked here? What are you guys, fucking

cowboys from the West or something? No one said no. No one ever said don't do that. So I was like, why not do it? But there should probably be a general understanding about human nature. 100% there should be, dude. But guess what? I shouldn't have been in that fucking meeting to begin with. I should have been at my desk alone

dipping right in a blog. Yeah. That is true. That is true. So, unfortunately, I'm addicted to these fucking portable cocks. But, so, I sit in my seat and it's the last row of the plane.

Second to last row of the plane, I'm on the window seat. The two to the left center and aisle are empty for now. I sit down, and I'm jamming my stuff in. I turn, and I sneak one of these. Oh, no. Just against the window. And as I'm turning to put it in, the two people are sitting down next to me.

It's, um... Oh, wait, it was, like, passengers that saw you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Passengers. Like, narcs? Yeah, yeah Passengers Like narcs? Yeah yeah yeah Oh my god But it's a super

Are you still allowed to say overweight? Sure Okay They were fat as fuck But Are they the audacity to get upset at you? Yeah so they sat down Dude they must

You should have been like Yo it's not gonna get any better than me For real like i'm the best fucking seatmate in the world unfortunately so the guy sits down next to me he's a big big big fella and so does the woman and she's got a blanket on and i can't tell if she's just big or if there's also a kid on baby that's a bad spot to be in life if you can't tell if there's a human under a blanket But then he sits down and immediately turns to me And says are you really gonna Are you really gonna smoke in front of my child

So then I was like oh so that is a baby And I was like Oh god And I'm just breaking down I'm like no no no I didn't see you I'm so sorry I'm putting this away He calls over a stewardess Get the fuck out of here And this is you coming home from Vegas No I'm so sorry I'm putting this away He calls over a stewardess Get the fuck out of here

And this is you coming home from Vegas or you're going back? No I'm going to LA to go see Tim For the first time since I've got this job He's supposed to pick me up No way He's supposed to pick me up from the fucking airport Dude By the way wild that Tim's still doing that

I think there's a lot of things that Tim Is retired from. I can't believe that. Makes sense. So the stewardess comes over and I'm just like, listen, listen, take it, take it. I got through security with it. I was putting it in my pocket and she's like, were you heading out? I was like, no, no, I didn't see them.

Take it. And she's like, all right. And then I have headphones on on i'm not listening to anything you think you're clear yeah the stewardess goes away but i i don't put my music back on because i'm listening to them talk yeah yeah smart yeah ended up not being smart no so they're just continuing to like kind of shit talk me and oh also you got mouthy. Yeah. Yeah. But also, I missed an important part. When they first sat down, they sat down by, like, barreling into me off my, like, armrest to wipe everything down. So they wiped down the entire seat, aisle, ceilings, everywhere.

They wiped everywhere down. So they're very concerned about the germs in the baby rightfully so um but then i'm hearing i'm listening to them just complain about uh all that shit cleanliness and me and they're like i can't believe i have to we have to sit next to them and then i was like maybe maybe the ipad you're resting on the baby's temple isn't helping either. No way. Yes. Yes. Because she was watching TV on an iPad rested on the baby on her stomach.

And so I said, maybe the iPad on the temple isn't helping either. Like baby's head, I put the iPad here and I'm watching. Yes. Yes. As they're cleaning everything down with wipes, they're cleaning everything down with wipes, they're cleaning everything down with wipes, they're yelling at me for, to be fair, smoking in front of their child by accident. Not even though.

By accident. It was a tiny vape and I was facing the other way and it was done by the time they were settled in and I was switching, whatever. It's not like you were like... Right. But yeah. Open its mouth, open its mouth.

Maybe the eye... Bring your shotgun. So after they settle in with wiping everything down and yelling at me, yeah, she settles in by resting her thing on the head. And I made a comment. I respect that. And she immediately just goes, no, no, no. And they stood up and walked to the pilot.

And then I was off the plane 25 seconds later. You know, that's interesting, though. They were just like pushing me off. and I was like, but what? What the heck? You see what they're doing to that baby back there? What the fuck? I mean, I wonder if that's just because it's kind of two strikes. Like, all right, he was smoking and that.

But it's like, I bet you could have, like, fought that. Where I'm from, you get three strikes. I would have appreciated a full count. Also, where I'm from, those aren't really strikes. It's like I feel like both of you are paying customers. You come back and you'd be like, all right, everyone stop being addicted to each other. Or, you know, we'll move some seats or whatever to just get the boot. Yeah.

Yeah, I was good with that being my last lick of the flight. Just ending on that and just doing it again. If you're going to get kicked off a flight, get your pat on the flesh. I would have had no problem with that, too, by the way. If you called me, I'm sure you were like, fuck, no, I'm not going to be there on time. And in this world, if you called me and you were like, I'm not going to be there on time because I got kicked off a flight because I made fun of a fat bitch and her baby, I'd be like, cool.

I made the right choice. You tweeted that don't ever date a man who loves sports more than you. Yeah. Yeah. That's fair, though. I think that right choice. I made the right choice. Yeah, yeah. Tweeted that don't ever date a man who loves sports more than you. Yeah, yeah. That's fair, though. I think that's completely fair. But that's also like that's – Here's the situation, though. Right.

This is in regards to Tom Brady and Gisele. You said – Yes, of course. Tom's breaking up. They're breaking up because allegedly he unretired. Gisele was like, you promised me you weren't going to work anymore. We're all making this up. There's no truth behind this.

It's probably true, but we don't really know for sure. There's always something. And Kelly tweeted, don't date a man who loves sports more than you. Yes. But the tradeoff is that those are the rich guys. So pick your fucking. I actually know. No, no, no.

You're more like a fan, I figure. Yes. Mine is more. Here, I'll break it down. Oh, that's crazy. There are levels to it, okay? Okay. Obviously, Gisele married a famous, successful quarterback, whatever.

He's going to want to do his job. Does he let his ego get in the way all the time? Yes. And it's obnoxious, in my opinion. So don't ever, like, don't marry a man who loves sports, a.k.a. his job, more than you. That's fucked up. So that's the kind of situation.

That tweet also is a little bit of a subtweet to people who are, I can't stand, I hate saying it because I work at a sports company. It's hard to tiptoe around these words, but there are fans of sports who act like they eat, sleep, breathe sports and they don't know what the real world is at all. And it drives me insane. I feel like you guys are the right people

to talk to about it because you guys are both sports fans, but you don't, if there's something else going on, you'll do something else. You're not like a, I gotta sit down and watch the game. I gotta watch the boys play. That's not, I fucking hate that. If're not like a, I gotta sit down and watch the game. I gotta watch the boys play. That's not,

I fucking hate that. If you're skipping events, if you're not paying attention, it drives me insane. That to me is gross. I mean, I remember being at a wedding with Jared

and he had a fucking phone as we were at the buffet I would literally slice his throat open with a fucking knife. I would kill you for that. If my boyfriend is watching under the table at a fucking game in the middle of a wedding, it doesn't matter. It's knife. Like I would kill you for that. If my boyfriend is watching under the table

at a fucking game in the middle of a wedding, it doesn't matter. If it's a wedding that I don't really care about, check the score, fine. That's the thing. Check the score,

see what's going on, maybe watch a clip, go on Twitter, whatever. I don't care. If you're sitting there streaming the game, you propped it up on your fucking thing,

you're at dinner, you're propping up the game on the phone, drop dead. Drop dead. No, I agree with you. It's so rude. It's so rude.

When you're younger, you have this thing of like, I have with you. It's so rude. It's so rude. When you're younger, you have this thing of like, I have to watch the game, you know? For what? And then it's funny, when you get older, you're like, whether or not your eyeballs saw this game. You're going to see. Don't get me wrong.

I watched like 158 out of 100. But I do. You're going to see like the clips of it. Like if you miss one game, you're going to watch a thousand clips of it, whatever. It's different if you don't work in it it's like bro there's no fucking excuse you know it doesn't matter if you miss the red sox game tonight i don't know but girls get in fights all the time girls get girls get in fights with their boyfriends all the time because their boyfriends will either will show up late to something or they won't show up at all they'll

be like oh sorry i can't hang out i gotta go watch the game with the boys and like blah blah and i and sure go watch the game with the boys but when, blah, blah. And sure, go watch the game with the boys. But when there's something going on and I need you to be there and you're like, actually, sorry, I gotta go watch the game with the boys. You have to watch the game. Yeah, it's different. If I got tickets to game three, I don't know. I gotta go watch the game three. I'm going to game three. If you're going to a game, that's totally different.

Going to the game is completely different. If you are such a big fan that you're going to these games, you're buying tickets, whatever, I don't give a fuck. Go to the game. That's your thing. But if I need to sit at home on my couch with a six pack and watch this game with my boys, I can't give a fuck. Go to the game. That's your thing. But if I need to sit at home on my couch with a six-pack and watch this game with my boys, I can't. I think the phone is a particularly bad one. It's like, dude, we're sitting here fucking.

I kind of got on it the other day where I was talking about how I was like, I think I've decided I'm going to watch football tonight. It was like football. It was Sunday night. Football with Thrones. I was like, I made a decision. I'm watching football. Football on a Sunday?

Get the hell out of here. You crazy bitch. People were like, dude, watch both. I'm like, I donay get the hell out of here you crazy people like do watch both like i don't want i hate that i hate that i don't have two tvs like i watch one thing at a time but what i do do now is like i'll put on a movie and i have the mets game on here yeah and i just like i put it kind of the side and just kind of like sure but that i think is the same and you're sitting home yes that's more else it's the same as going scrolling Twitter. And you're sitting at home. Yes. That's more or less the same as scrolling Twitter. I agree with that. I agree with that.

But what does that mean? Like instead of having the game open on your phone, you can just check Twitter every once in a while. Your apps are shaking. But like I, well, I kind of disagree. It's like I want to be able to like see, like I'll look over and make all the bases loaded. Like, okay. All right.

You got to hit. I don't know. But I do it in a way it's not disturbing. When you're not watching sports or you're not scrolling twitter the whole time you're watching something usually right uh oh i see what you're saying um yeah i yeah i guess i am it depends on what show and who i'm with and like you know it's movie night or whatever it's like no we're watching you know but we're having a casual night and we're all sitting around we're not on a date we're not doing whatever and we're watching a show and you have the game up on your phone because it's not i'm i'm in that

instance thankful it's just not on the big screen yeah oh thank god yeah like i'm fine with that i don't care but again if we're at a restaurant there's nothing it's to me it goes hand in hand with like immaturity and like it's just i it is a little bit like i always think that like super super hardcore sports fans are immature and i don't know why that is but then like it's i don't necessarily agree with that but i i think that, it's the same thing. I don't necessarily agree with that. But I think that like, It's the same thing as like, I like Harry Potter so much,

people call me immature for that. So I understand, it's like a childhood thing and you're obsessed and whatever. It's more like you love all the reality shit. Right. When you girls go nuts about like somebody broke up

on a reality show and you're like talking about it and you have to watch it and all that, that's the equivalent. It's just that, usually the problem is that sports are, that's the thing.

Yeah. Especially baseball. Sports are 24-7 all the fucking often. That's the thing. Yeah. Especially baseball. Sports are 24-7 all the fucking time. I think very often it gets performative. Yes. It's like, I have the game on. Yeah, yeah. You're having full-on conversations.

You're getting up. You're walking around. You just want people to see that you have the game sitting at your seat. There is something about it's either macho or a I'm-so-committed thing. Right. It feels antiquated thing right I mean I've definitely been there I am still there on like a on the low level like like I'll never I'll like I said I'll keep it on the phone but again I'm like also podcasting and doing it like it's different because it's your job it's different because it's your job to like talk about sports like I feel

like that's you are you are the exception it's something that kind of gets ingrained to you. It depends on what your upbringing was, but it's just like, I don't know. It's a hugely important thing in our family. I don't know. And I always, I'll be like, I'm a Mets fan. But I also, I feel guilty. I've never been the boyfriend that's like, we're watching the Mets every night. It's on the screen.

Like I, you do have to let me like watch it or keep up with it. Yeah. But like, I'm not going to force you to watch a whole, a whole baseball game knowing you don't like it. Which I think is fine. I like the show.

You like the show. So we'll watch that. I'm not going to force, you know? Yeah. I think also the level of the game. Or being like, I go downstairs and watch the game while you watch.

Like, I think that's weird. I'm just like, it's, you know, if you're dating someone or you're with somebody and you live together, they're constantly there with you to be like, I go downstairs and watch the game while you watch. I think that's weird. I'm just like, if you're dating someone or you're with somebody and you live together or they're constantly there with you, to be like, we have to watch the baseball game, I think is, bro, there's 162 of them.

This is not going to last. That's what I'm saying. You can't force someone to watch six months of baseball. Growing up, my dad loves sports. He's a huge sports fan, loves that I work here. He follows Barstool, whatever. He'll watch anything whenever he can. he knows that my mom is into football she kind of recently like in the past few years or so has gotten really into it

well watch all the games with him he so he now loves it he's like this is something we can do together it's great but before that right but before that it was always like we'd be watching something else and on a commercial he'd flip over and check the score watch a couple minutes and flip back, and that's how it was with all sports. And so that never bothered me. And then sometimes he'd flip over, and it would be exciting, it would be like,

all right, let's watch, let's watch, yeah, maybe we'll go back to a thing a little bit late, whatever, there was never pressure, or the feeling of like, oh, don't talk to dad when the game is on, I never felt like that. But now, whenever I see guys my own age acting like that, it makes me think that they had dads that were like, don't talk to dad when the game is on.

We've got to watch that game. And it's kind of weird to me. I just feel like you're not going to get shot in the face if you don't watch this game. It feels like pressure. I have to consume this game right now. Yeah. I don't know why it feels that way.

But people love it. Like you said, the reality TV thing. Now, The Bachelor, I have to watch The Bachelor I have no choice like I didn't I didn't watch it's on two times a week right now

because Bachelor in Paradise it was on Monday, Tuesday I didn't watch it on Monday because I wanted a fucking break I watched it on Tuesday before the second episode on Tuesday but that was nice

to be able to just watch it a day later not have to watch it at the same time as everybody else like that was lovely I would like to do that more and maybe just watch it

on my own time but appointment television all the time gets tiresome, I think. Even if you love it or not. Don't you get tired of it? It's like a schedule. It's like a thing.

You don't tell me when to watch it. Right, exactly. I'll watch it when I want to. Well, the way that I got Austin in here was I basically hid him from Dave. So Austin was helping me during, we were doing pizza reviews. Obviously, the unboxings was insane.

The unboxings was like the craziest time of my life. I pizza reviews. Obviously, the unboxings was insane. The unboxings was, like, the craziest time of my life. I wept. I cried in front of my family. One night, I came downstairs, and I was like, you can't do it. I'm just kidding. I can't.

Wait, why was that so hard? Because that was just IG Live, I thought. He would do IG Live from 10 o'clock to 1 o'clock in the morning, and I would have to sit there from 10 to 1 a.m. writing down what I thought were all the best uh gifts and then he would make it afterwards we transfer them to me so that was a nightmare the videos were three hours long right so he'd have to sit there he'd have no wi-fi and he'd he'd be transfer me the video and then i would have to edit it and have it up by 9 a.m each day and that went on for 31 straight days so by day 21 i was like I just can't do it.

And you're also doing the podcast at that point? And I started that Behind the Greens video. Because I was going to say, at that point, I would just be nocturnal. But you can't. So I would edit the video until like 4 a.m. And then I'd go to Wingfoot and we'd film the new series. And that was like our biggest video ever. So it was like the things that were happening. But then Austin and Marina, who obviously Marina is like my – she's my queen.

Marina has helped me throughout my entire career. If I didn't have her, I never would have made it through Dave. There's so many times where, like, I couldn't get to something, and she's just like, I'm obviously in front of the computer. I can get it. During that time, like, I had this guy, Austin, who was from Boston. He was helping me do a lot of pizza reviews. So he was like, hey, man, I'm a go-getter.

I know everything about Dave. I know his mannerisms. I'm a diehard dave portnoy fan i knew you needed someone like that yeah that would like trust that i could trust so i was sending him a bunch of pizza reviews and i was editing them because at this time a lot of the stuff was um remote dave would send it to me from his phone right so it got by the way you have to know, like, when we hire outside cameramen and editors, they always botch it. They fail every single time. And, like, the people, like, they'll have the camera on, like, the thing over here. And it's like, no, you have to be on Dave or you have to be – like, knowing how to shoot Dave –

knowing how to shoot Barstool style is one thing, and then knowing how to shoot Dave is, like, a whole other thing. He's got to have a feel for the moment. He's always pointing at things. So Austin would film, he would edit a piece for you and I would edit the same one and I would check them and if I felt like it wasn't right,

I'd just post mine. So I was doing, I was sending it to him, letting him practice. But you were doing it yourself. And I was doing it myself and then months of that went by. That's a cool way to do it.

Months and months and Dave didn't even know this kid existed. He was in Boston. He drove down to New York one day because his Wi-Fi went out and he's like, I'm going to come get the fucking card. And that's how I knew he had it. He slept in Boston He drove down to New York One day Because his wifi went out And he's like I'm gonna come get

The fucking card And that's how I knew He had it He slept in my apartment It was my first time Meeting him I'm like bro Here's the card

For just like one review Just for like six We did like a bunch of reviews Somewhere in like Jersey And I had seven of them And I'm like I'm trying to send this to you And he's like

I'm gonna come down there And get it So he drove over At like 10 o'clock at night Got to my place At like 3am He took the card Slept on my couch

And then went back to Boston And edited the video So shout shout out to austin yeah and so and so you kind of like just meet you yeah you just like one day i just switched them yeah and he'd ever know it's like miyagi-ing somebody kind of like david's pizza reviews started posting them and like marina would post like then uh aust send a pizza to Marina. So that at some point was there a reveal to Dave? Well, then I was coming to the office and I'd be like, this is the guy that's been doing this. And then he met with them and I got gas on the gas kind of facilitate it. I think this guy's really good.

But yeah, there was like this. How many times do we say it? Like the number one way is like to just do it. Just do it. But it's like but people are like, OK. And it's like, no, like literally fucking go fill in the paper. And you also have to know

that it falls on you when it messes up. When I was doing all that shit, had like, when I gave them full like control where it was like, Austin, send this to Marina

and post this. If, if that review was fucked up that night, he's not calling Austin Marina. He's calling me. Right. I have to make sure. That's like,

that's when you become almost like a producer and you're delegating and shit, but you still, you know, you're still the person. There was a lot of delegating going on. It was nerve wracking. It was a nervous time. When, when, um, when did you, when you, you made the move to PMT, right? Like when they started or did it take a little while? It was when it started.

I don't know if you, it was both of you were involved in this when, uh, when you were talking about like the being done with Dave and being done with Dave and being in the butt of the joke, when we were on the Dixie tour, when you came, we didn't pick you up, but we went out the night before. We were up until 4 a.m. We brought people back to the bus. It was definitely dumb. I was definitely drinking and involved, but Ben was the bus driver. It was 4 a.m.

I was like, everyone, we've got to go to sleep. I've got to pick up Fidelberg tomorrow. The airport was three hours away. But I was like, we've got to get up. We've got to do this. We've got to pick him up tomorrow everyone we gotta go to sleep i gotta pick up fuddleburg tomorrow the airport was like three hours away but i was like you know we gotta get up we gotta do this we gotta pick him up tomorrow like let's go to sleep like all right alarm went off i was like shaking him like getting up and like caleb was like we're not fucking picking him up i'm getting a cab like i'm making the decision i was like and david already said oh yeah this is tallahassee yeah like caleb's caleb's like show to run so caleb was like i'm not doing it like we're not doing it like i'll get him him a cab It's fine I'll take the responsibility

Whatever Fuddleburg landed No one was there He was rightfully upset And then Dave was pissed I was upset Or you were just like This is kind of crazy

This is wild I'm here for you guys No one's here No one's here And Dave like Texted me It was like You never cease to amaze me

How bad you fuck up Or something And I was like So upset Because I was like I was trying to do the right thing or something. And I was like, so upset because I was like, I was trying to do the right thing. Like I, you know,

and, and at that point I was always the butt of the joke. Like I was always getting shit on. I was like 22 and I was like, I was like done with it where I was like, I'm just, I can't after the Dixie tour, like we had it.

And then we obviously went out for like three days straight. Like we were, we were partying. And like, I remember, it was, it was a wild weekend. I remember it was like,

it was the last night. I remember it was like. Go put a pin in that. It was the last night. It was like 4 a.m. We stopped. Me and you were coming back from somewhere. We stopped. We were like sitting down. I was like, dude, I think I'm done.

Like, let me go back. Like, I'm just. I can't. If I'm ever going to like move on. Like, I'm 22. Like, if I'm ever going to have like a real life or like whatever. I'm done like being the butt of the joke. Yeah.

And then after that was the. Because even though I was 22, that's four four years worth yeah it's a long time and then after right after that trip the next week was the mets cubs thing and we were driving like caleb and ben drove overnight we got up at like six you and me and big cat and i went up to you guys i was like yo like and at the time i i knew obviously you and dave and and dan had beef and you guys had beef like you guys you know out here like there was issues and like so I was like oh they're gonna understand like I'm gonna go up and like told them I was like all right I like I'm leaving like once the Dixie tour is over and I was probably I don't know that I would have ended up making this decision it was like I was coming

off a bender and I was like just upset and like fucking my head was all fucked up but like I at the time my mind was made up and I told you guys I like, I'm leaving when I'm done. It's over. And then you guys were like, I think things are changing. You were leaving Barstool? Yeah. Oh, I didn't realize that. I think maybe you were leaving Dave. No, there was no. Yeah, and we were on the college tour.

I was like, college is fucking awesome. I could easily just go back to college. People wouldn't care that much. I could kind of have some notoriety. But at these colleges, no one really knew. I was like, I could easily just blend in and, like, move on with my life. Right. And then you guys were like, things are changing.

Things are better. This guy, Churnin, is going to buy us. And then Big Cat was like, I think I'm starting a podcast with PFT, who, like, we had met before. And I was like, you introduced me to me on Twitter back in the Milton office. We used to fucking die laughing in his tweets. But that was when it was like, oh. I was 100% done at the time. I was like, my mind is made up.

I'm leaving. And then we had the conversation. And you guys were like, no, I think. And Big Guy was like, you should think about it more. I want to start this podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that on the bus. So that was like, I always, it's nice to have a moment where it's like,

that changed everything. Where it was like, after that, it was like, all right, if I'm doing this, I'm going to take it seriously. And like, I'm going to get like, I'm going to, I put myself in the position to be the butt of the joke. Like I wasn't even mad at Dave or anyone. It was like, I, all the shit I did, like I did to myself. Right. Like it was like, I was playing along. And I was kind of the character thing was like, how did I get here? Yeah.

I was like, I was doing, was working for a little bit and now I'm fucking here. That's like, I don't like this. Right. And I was like, you know, I was a fuck up, but I was like, you know, I was like, if you're a fuck up, it's like Dave literally said, he's like, we're not giving you a raise because you're good at your job. It's just funny when you fuck up and it's good content. And I was like, all right, well, I'll just fuck up.

Whatever then. I'll just be myself and fuck up. And if that's what you want, that's easy for me. But over time, I was like, I just can't do this forever. Eventually, you're like, like You know you're happy To just get your foot in the door And make some money And get in the show

But eventually you can't I remember having that talk If you have any sense of like Pride or your own like Personality You know you can't I was just like It wasn't

I wasn't like stopped With that I was like I just went up to his office One day and I was like I was like can you please Just like can sometimes We just have a conversation

Like Yeah Like don't put it on the blog first. Just you and I. I think it was maybe after you posted the picture of me asleep, which was at 7 p.m. And he's like, look at Feidelberg asleep at the office. It was one of those days where I was just like, I'm not going home. I just give you traffic.

I'm just taking a nap. Yeah. And it was. I saw fucking swear on the Bible. 7 p.m. Work was done. My bad. My bad. My bad.

And he's like, and I was like, can we just sometimes like just have a conversation? Yeah. Like keep it in the locker room. Like keep it. That's like a conference. That's a thing. Yeah. And he said no.

And he was just like, and like it's worked. Like I'll be like, you can't question the recipe. He's like, he's like, no, everything we do is on camera. We talked about this on Ian Fidance's podcast. Like, he – and our podcast. He'll come ten times on a Sunday. Like, ten. That's –

Hungover. You do too? Hungover. Yeah, that's crazy. I thought – give him a dab. You leave him hanging. I thought I remember that too because I remember saying something like, no way. And you were like, yeah, no, I do too.

That ten's like – that's probably a little yesteryear for me but also that was light work dude like 10 was easy that's like the guy that died did 17 oh I could beat him I could beat him today where did he die from

he tried to just beat off as many times as he could in one day and he fucking died I'm the king then I have always thought Where did he die from? He tried to just beat off as many times as he could in one day and he fucking died. Nah, dude. I'm the king then. I'm the fucking king. I have always thought. I think it's in the States. I've always wanted to have one of those.

Where? He died 42. He jerked off 42 times. Oh. Give me something like the story here. Okay, so 16-year-old boy died. 16. He died?

He died. I remember hearing the story and getting nervous because I wasn't doing 42, but they were talking. Fuck's like, oh shit. I just don't get it. 16-year-old died after masturbating 42 times without stopping in Brazil. His mother told a local newspaper that she already knew about his son's addiction and that she planned to see the doctor, but the decision came too late.

I feel like this is like he was masturbating. First thing that came too late. Got him. That's why we're having a room play on. I feel like it's one of those things you keep reading the article, and it's like he was jerking off on the roof and fell off or something. I don't know how you die from just coming. That's what I'm curious.

How does that lead to a death? Well, how do you do 42 times nonstop, and maybe those things I felt in my arm were like, it was like, hey that lead to a death? Well, how do you do 42 times non-stopping? Maybe like those things I felt in my arm were like, it was like, hey, because I'd stop. Like an embolism or something in your brain or some shit? I'd be like, look, I feel like I'm beating a little hard right now. And I mean my heart.

What's crazy is about your fucking, your dick wasn't the problem. Like you're talking about your arms and your heart. What about your dick? No, I'm talking about my fucking cardiovascular stamina. Like, my dick, I mean, it gets, like, swollen. If it was, I was very excited when you thought it was 17, because I was like, I can take that kid today. Yeah, I thought it was way lower than 42.

42 is playing with fire. 42. I wonder, like, how it went. Maybe that was it. Maybe he was, like, jerking off in a pit of fire. It's just a crazy thing to die from. Like, I wonder if it's, like, there's, like, a glitch in the Matrix where if you jerk off 42 times, like, I picture him, like, It's like a video game. die from like I wonder if it's like there's like a glitch in the matrix where if you jerk Off 42 times like I picture it's like a video. You unlock the key or something. I picture him like disintegrating like

Imagine that if it wasn't a heart attack. It was like he came his body. Yeah, like what he just like what he died of dehydration Why he had no liquid left in his body. Eyes were dry. His dick was just taking sweat and throwing it out. I don't know what he wants from me. Brains coming out of your dick at that point. Just coming organs. Damn, RIP to a pioneer. For real.

A legend, man. Just pushing the envelope. That's like – You don't see that every day. He could have stopped at 41 and been fine. But he was like, I'm going to push the limit. Like a guy who climbed Mount Everest. Who doesn't stop at 40?

You get to 20, you think you're like a hero. You get to 30, you're sort of like, I want to see how far this can go. You get to the big 4-0, you call it quits. Dude, I would be firing blanks in the teens. I'd be firing blanks by like six. Yeah. I don't even know how, if anything was coming out at that point well that's a humming no fuck no oh no no no no no I was I was gonna say that thing where you're like you're fucking

ass like contract you do a full sit-up because your body's looking for something. Yeah. Like you're dead lifting. You need a spotter for that fucking, that 10th come. God, you guys are fucking disgusting. You know what? I never thought I'd say it today, but you guys are disgusting. You guys are disgusting.

Dude, a spotter is so funny. You're like, it's like, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig. I'm right here. I'm not touching the ball. I'm not touching. I'm not touching. I'm right here. I'm not touching the ball. I'm not touching. I'm not touching.

I'm not touching. I'm not touching. All you, all you. Finish, finish, finish. Get there. Get there. Nice fucking set, dude. God damn.

All you. That's awesome. Havs and his friends had one last night. We got to work out, I guess, some of the numbers a little bit here or how to present it. You can either – there's a deer. Okay. And you either got a machete. It started out as, what do you think you'd have a better chance at doing?

Killing a deer with a machete up close where you have to be able to like, I'm going to hack the deer's head off. And the deer knows it's in a fight. See, this is bad. But for whatever reason, it's also like, it's not going to just run away or whatever. You know, we don't have to be like an expert tracker. You either like have to kill a deer up close with a machete or you can be far away from it and it's not gonna be as gruesome and fucked up but you have a bow and arrow but like okay so this is this is this is also bad because like i just gave that speech about how like all the things that i was cocky

about like i would fuck a deer up no problem dude like with hands. It's not even fighting me back? No. Oh, dude. Oh, bro. See, you guys are so sick. I would fucking choke it out. Bro, you're so sick. Like, we were talking more about, like, do you have the capability to, like, chop the head off of, like, an innocent little deer? You guys were talking about how hard it would be and how easy it would be. We were talking about whether we even have the, like, the guts to go through with it. No.

Like, if I had my druthers, no, I'd rather not decapitate a deer. But if we're doing this, yeah, I'll fucking cut that deer's head off. I would just... This is a challenge in Amazing Race. Guess what? That deer is fucking headless now. You know how hard it is to chop anybody's head off? You gotta keep going through it. No, see, I wouldn't do that shit. I would

just rear-naked choke hold him and just slowly suck the life out of him. You say all this? Remember how much you loved Derek the Deer? I did love Derek the Deer. Imagine you had to chop Derek the Deer's head off. The deer that got

remember in Chicago on the lake. He got stuck on the lake and it was like WGN had like breaking news for the entire morning. The whole world was like

save the deer and now you gotta chop his fucking head off. Oh dude. So then I guess we kind of adjusted it to like what if you got like 50 grand to chop its head off,

but at like 25 grand you just have to shoot it with an arrow and not even look at it. I would kill the deer no matter what. Either way, whatever. Fuck these deers. You're like that Michael Jordan, fuck them kids. Fuck these deers. If you don't kill deer, there's too many of them.

Yeah, we're just describing uh sydney's tuesday yeah right right right this is this is there's a good portion of the country going this is what i do for you right exactly that sounds yeah sign me up when daddy needs a break he goes out and kills fucking derrick the deer speaking of getting dumped or ex-girlfriends or anything like that we've i've got something to bring up with you that's never been brought up before. It was when you guys first came on board, I was dating a girl who was like, she's like, all right,

bussing works with you now. I feel like in case it comes up, I have to warn you. Oh, no. I've slid into Taylor's DMs before. Oh! The pre-end now? You're dating her now?

What's up? No, no, no. Did you ever see what it was? I never saw what it was. Did she ever tell you what it was? She said she saw you had a wife. Hey, what a fucking receipt, man. He never replied. Yes, that makes me look so much cooler than I am.

No, no, no. We're the Eskimo brothers, dude. Wait, now maybe would that message still be in there? Yes, that makes me look so much cooler than I am. You look fucking cool. You could have been Eskimo brothers, dude. Wait, now maybe would that message still be in there? I think she said when she saw you had a wife, I think she said she pulled it back. Oh, my fucking phone. But maybe not. Oh, you fucking did Uber. I'm going to go check the young people. You should definitely go check the young people.

That would be amazing if those were still in there. Hey, babe. I get like 95% views of transgender. Yes. Yeah. Okay, whisper the name or yeah, you pull it up. All right, hey guys, everything I just said, we just take that all back. How do you lose your phone?

No, not really. I wish I could be one of those people. My wife is like that. She's like, oh, my phone. She'll lose her Not like lose it But she won't Remember where she placed it

Yeah In the house And then But so she'll go like You know Right she'll be messing with the baby Yeah yeah She'll go oh

Where did I leave it I wish Instead I'm like Where's my phone I know At all times Like oh I'm going to take a piss Let me grab that real quick

She follow me She follows you I don't know how to check DMs But that Alright You know how to check Open M's but you know how to know you could hit message and then you'll see oh that's a buzzkill cuz I think if it's why is your profile pick a letter you know what I mean yeah yeah

that's all that you know if your profile picks a letter that's not gonna get your DMS are red here. Let me see that You gotta like follow back or whatever Should I follow her right now? I think if you follow her you Know it's I'm still requested now. So she has to confirm you know, if my wife is watching this is for science We kissed March 11th like 11 40 at the train station that was it now 10 years in the day and got married now also though you are you know you're the horniest man alive right uh and it's just been horny for sandy since then yes never you know you like a man like yourself i think you could have vetted thousands of women

let me just say this let me just say this. Let me just say this, okay? Prostitutes don't count, and can we go on? No, can we? I don't have a prenuptial. First time along the sky, this fucking scumbag kills me now. Sandy's going to be like... So when it's all eat ass, lick clit... It's pretty much... Well, listen, you want to hear the essence of that?

Yeah. That's why we're here, man. So I don't come across as like a fraud? Mm-hmm. Okay. So I get involved with Barstool. Now there is an absolute disconnect because I'm 55 years old. Yeah.

And you guys are doing cutting edge 22-year-old things, 20-year-old things, 18-year-old things. Unless you're living it, there's no way you'd even get the joke. Right, right. So of course, Barstool to me was funny because Dave was being wild, you guys were being wild, but I had no idea of the actual content because it made no sense to me. Like you guys said something,

I'm like, I have no idea what you just said, it makes me feel like you're a retard. Like I have no idea what you're talking about, you know what I'm saying? So then my kids started telling me, you know, like what it is and, you know, it's cutting edge i'm saying so um so then my kids started telling me you know like what it is and you know it's cutting edge and you got to get involved and then finally uh big cat and uh pft reached out to me by doing a skit with ria who was uh taking the fish tank food and putting it yeah yeah right and they entered larry the goldfish into the hilton

handicapping contest 10 000 biggest bettors in the world. They paid $2,000 to enter the fish and $1,000 for a proxy to put the bets in every week. You've got to live in Nevada. Three grand for the fish came in 63rd. So it hit like 64%. So it made all the stoolies

like millions and millions of dollars. So much so that, you know, Big Cat and BFT robbed them by saying, hey, buy into it. I don't even know what to have anyway. That was so illegal. Like every time they went into everything eric is like listen you can't sell anything with larry they're like i'm sorry i really i thought that was the greatest content ever that was ever involved with i would be in my

because i don't even know where that money went. But in other words, you know, so in other words, so that's how I got involved. So now I have an audience of 13 to 35. And I'm thinking, what is the greatest gift I can actually give them besides being funny? And I'm like, when I was young, when I fucked a girl when I was young, Sandy, 17 years old, come quick. How do you fucking make the girl come?

Like, you know, that was my train of reference. You know, I don't know if I made Sandy come until she was like 21. She told me she was 17. Like, she made herself come. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't me actually figuring the game out. Right, right, right.

Yeah, she was too hot. I'm like, I can't believe I'm fucking this girl. I can't believe I'm fucking this girl. I can't believe I'm fucking this girl. I'm fucking a hobbit. I mean, she was so smoking hot. If you go to my Twitter, you see what she looks like. She's fucking 61 years old.

She's still classy. You know what I'm saying? So let me put some meat on the bone here. So I had my partner taught me to buy a vibrator and to eat my wife's pussy and to eat my wife's ass. When were you eating ass? Like, when was the first time you were eating ass? 1983. I mean, that's...

You know, like... But I was taught by him directly. No one else taught me. So then that guy's the first guy. It was Stu and Chuck Berry. Chuck Berry was getting it. That was the first actual, like, literal someone said, do this. Because all the guys I grew up with, which would be my peers.

In 1981, you flip, you're fucking, like, eating ass. So, like, you know, a tongue gets in there. You're like, I'm doing this on purpose. Because there's a difference. You know, you get the girl out and you get down there versus, like. She loved it so much and she came so quick. And it was the first time that I did it like it was my job. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, I did it like my life. Pioneers, both of you. She probably went back to her friends and was gotta tell you what i was doing with you this guy he does things remember i was 21 he was 43. right so he taught me everything you know what i'm saying and uh he he was never he used to go to his parents without partners meetings and pick up like three girls at night and them all and like like he'd tell me what he did with him i'd be like this is insane so anyway so i thought what would be great to tell barstool and i said put some meat on the bone let him let me teach

them how to eat ass liquid you know yeah buy a vibrator yeah put put a five minute three minute session we've been through it hottest girl in the world you're trying to bang her for three weeks you get uh three minutes you know and she's not into sucking your dick or eating your ass so you're not getting a hard-on right now you feel like wow i'm an inept fucking lay and i just came with a girl of my dreams in three minutes you know that was the story she's leaving she's leaving so that's when I put the 15-15-30 together because it is a simple roadmap to having a plan to have sex.

Well, if you can have sex, you have confidence. As a male, it's so important sexually to be at least competent. You're not looking to break. Because in the fuck world, there's a million great fucks. And you're not one of them gotta be you know, right, you know, basically whatever. Yeah, right

So so that's how the 15 1530 came about so fucking fun sex sells I mean sex and gambling man, you're you know, you should get it 15 1530. So you're 15 minutes Yeah, no, I know what it is. Yeah, you're you're eating pussy for 15 minutes at a time No, oh wait, so what's the yeah? 15 minutes Yeah no I know what it is But you're You're eating pussy For 15 minutes at a time No Oh wait so what's The 15 minutes to 30 Well because But when

Yeah when I'm fucking 13 to 30 Yeah not when I'm 61 Right but no But the But you were doing 15 minutes you eat her pussy 15 minutes you eat her ass

That's a lot of eating pussy Yeah 15 minutes a long time Well listen I mean Listen in this day and age You're in a pandemic You don't even see women

I mean like So when you might as well Just fucking be good of the pandemic babe yeah no no no but i'm saying yeah you went through a you know like right when i was a kid that never happened right we were you know at least when did you lose your virginity um july 4th 1978 four months into the relationship how old were you we saw a movie called the It was like, and they did a song, if I don't do it, somebody else will. And I said to Sandy, I said, Sandy, listen, I love you, but there's so many other, I mean, hot girls, not as hot as you,

but they will fuck me. And I don't want to fuck you behind your back, but that's, God's honest truth. So July 4th, like two days later, we fucked on my friend's bed and she bled all over the bed. It was crazy. It was like the most weirdest fucking thing.

So that was when I lost my virginity. We lost it together. Together? Yeah. And then was that it? What does that mean? Then were you single? Never single.

Sandy, you're one and only? I've never been single. But yeah, so prostitutes don't count, but you've never had another girlfriend. You just said, you're a scumbag. No, no, no. You're a lowlife. I'm going to fight you. You only did girlfriend. you just said, you're a scumbag. No, no, no, you're a, no, you're a low life,

I'm gonna fight you. You only get a one relationship. I'll tell you what, I don't save Kevin from dying on interviews. Yeah, like, like literally, that's like,

we know that. Like, in reality land, you know, not like, I fucked a thousand women like Will Chamberlain, my dick's, you know,

the biggest, and I'm the greatest lie, even though I am a good lie lady because I try so hard. Right, right, right. And I can make a girl cum without even touching her because I'm a great talker. You make them laugh and you can make them talk. I can make them cum.

Without touching them. And I've been taught by some psycho guy. He would have vibrated. That's the best part about you, Stu. The whole key is if I didn't meet him, I might have been the one-minute man. Your show and my sex life. This is back, this is the Bushes big, right?

Yeah. So someone sent me down to dinner being like, you gotta eat ass. We used to buy a book, it's called, from these people, Masters and Johnsons. I think they did a show on these people. And they created where how, like, when you were going to cum,

you would have to grip your penis so that you keep your cum down. Like, your partner would have to do this. Like, I put Sandy through this. I'm like, Sandy, you got to read it. She's like, can't we just watch Dynasty? Like, we're in like a motel. Like, you know, like,'s like this is too hard i'm like yeah

but i want to hold my feet come in for five for 10 minutes i noticed that barstool um like your first day like we reposted that did you see that yes i i was because i had sent it to gaz like uh when it went viral and i was like i know you probably can't post any of my shit, but I'm just letting you know this will blow up. Because it's blowing up everywhere. And he was like, lol, I saw it. So good. And I was like, I get it. They're not going to post my shit.

But then day one, I'm like, hey, guys, I have a video that's gone viral everywhere if you want it. And they were like, yeah. And they threw it up. And, dude, so I got some great messages this morning. I woke up to a message from none other than Cousin Greg. No way. Succession. Get the fuck out.

Nicholas Braun. Do you know him? Can we get him in here? I mean, I don't. I've been going back and forth with him. Have you ever seen the pizza review he did? No. Time out.

I'm sorry to be kind of looking over your shoulder here. What just happened? Yeah, so these are all people that are responding. Oh, I posted a big, I'll tell you this story too. I don't know. He just like unlocked something. I don't even know what app he has. No, I haven't been on my phone in a while. and but like what what did you do a lot like what was that

like was it locked like why are all those messages popping up right now because the last time i was on instagram that's i had a certain number of dms and i've gotten hundreds since then there's a lot of people responding to the story that I put up, which I'll tell you about in a sec. This morning I woke up, by the way, 3.30 a.m. Nicholas Braun, Cousin Greg. You're next level, man. You're so fucking good. Let's go.

I wrote, this is a thrill, my friend. You are quite literally my favorite television character, perhaps ever. Because of the traffic video. And he goes, well, that is very cool. I'm honored. Keep doing your thing, man. You've got a fucking great brain show man he he did a pizza review once he had i think he had his mask on yeah covid and he's he didn't do a pizza review he was walking by and they were doing pizza right and he starts they start talking about he's like do you know succession on hbo and dave's like yeah i love it and he's like yeah i'm on it and dave was like, do you know Succession on HBO? And Dave's like, yeah, I love it. And he's like, yeah, I'm on it. And Dave was like, what do you mean you're on it?

And he's like, I'm Greg. And he was like, what? And he takes the mask down. He's like, what the fuck? The best character on the show. And I know, I think he's talked to the chicks in the office before. I think he's a Barstool fan. He saw them rolling loud or something.

Yeah. And he has to go on their show. Yes, he was like, I love your shit. So I was like, we got to get him on here. And for whatever reason, we haven't been able to do it. So make that happen. I bet you could get him here. And for whatever reason, we haven't been able to do it. So make that happen. I bet you could get him on. I guess apparently we can, though.

I've been trying to fucking make it happen. All right, so then let me tell you this. So as we said, again, it's not just racial lines. We should have said that. White people get mad about it, too. And including a group of guys that have a big instagram dm group chat which is i don't know that's not that sweet i don't think like a guy white guy friends should have instagram dm group chats i don't have chats the thing is i don't know i have i know girls

that use instagram like i message i hate that i too but if you if you if know girls that use Instagram like iMessage. I hate that. I do. But if you do that, it's like I do have group texts with my guys, but I don't have group DMs. I don't have group texts with my guys. No? I mean group texts that have girls in them as well. I do not have a strictly just the boys group text.

But you have group texts with your friends, is my point. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. So one of these guys he posted the video to their group chat and then the next guy who's the first guy's name is beau b-e-a-u and then the next guy's name is aj and he goes screw that dude someone tried that with trevor and got his ass whooped on the i-15. And then the next is from Bo, and he goes, ha, ha, ha, I'm thinking that you, Nate, and Drew

would have gotten out of the car on the way to the Redeem Team game in Vegas and thrown hands. So Nate, Trevor, Bo. It gets even better, dude. And then JB goes, someone call Elon and take his Tesla away. Traffic doesn't exist with autopilot. And they're all like liking each other's messages. And then summerofshawn.eth.

Oh, get the fuck out of here. Adds me to the chat. Adds me to their group chat and goes, added that little bitch to the group. Ha ha. Francis, we want to know, why are you such a little bitch? Homie needs to stay in West Hollywood and drive a Mini Cooper. And then Cameron wrote,

ha ha ha ha. Get the fuck out of here. And then CJ, swear to God, I'm reading their names, writes, this is where I was like, I need to respond.

So CJ writes, you would be intimidated by flashing lights, you pussy. You were probably the kid who reminded the teacher to assign homework right before the bell. I was. That's why I went to Harvard. Not all heroes wear capes? Please. You're just another basic ass white boy in a shitty Model 3.

Don't forget to put your pronouns in your email signature before your mom tucks you in tonight. And then AJ wrote, he's probably the type of guy who rushes to lock his doors and roll up the windows if he sees a black guy. So, that's when I was like, hang on a second. Are you really telling me that Nate bow Cameron, Trevor, Trevor, fucking CJ, AJ and Sean of the dead. Yeah. Are, are, are bringing race into this fucking shaming. Are you kidding me right now? So then I wrote back, LOL, hey guys. CJ, who on earth are you calling a basic white boy?

You have a shirtless profile pic and an HG Wells quote in your bio. You tune them out. AJ, show me one picture of you and your black friends and I promise to celebrate Black History Month for real this year. This guy Sean was actually kind of jacked and had a lot of tattoos. I was like your daughter is so adorable. I have nothing to say to you. You seem cool. The fact that anyone would bring race into this chat is preposterous. This is the biggest collection of white dudes I've ever seen. And I love you all.

Good day. See, that's why sometimes you got to read the Internet. And then I changed the name of their group chat, which was something like, you know, the bros or something to Francis's come guzzling bros. And then I changed the profile picture to my headshot. Here's examples on Maury where a woman had twins. Two different dads. What?

It's like a one in a zillion shot but she fucked two guys in one day and like two different sperm impregnated her. Fertilized her. Whoa. Maury must have been through the moon whennated her. Fertilized her. Whoa. So. Maury must have been through the moon when he saw that. Oh, I mean, it's the all time. It's good. Yeah.

Like, can you imagine? Can you imagine? Bro, when I got to read the winner of Surviving Barstool, I got, like, a little rush of, like, power just, like, knowing that. Right. When you're Maury Povich, and you open up, and you see that it's different fathers. Yeah. And you're like, I'm about to set the world on fire.

Yeah, dude. I'm about to ruin lives, but I'm about to set the world on fire. But they'd have to chase me down like one of the dads who gets told it's not his kid. Running around. Cameras would be following me, run to the group. I'm like, this is crazy. Doing a fucking dance. Well, what's funny there, though, is that it's kind of the opposite.

Nobody wins Everybody's the dad You know what I mean Like they all gotta take care of You know what I mean It's like Yeah so someone's gotta celebrate And it's gonna be me

Forgetting to read this Me No As more As more I actually think it would be funnier If like Cause you know

Yeah both of those guys Are looking to celebrate Like that one clip And instead They're probably just like, all right, let's just raise these kids then. Let's just not be herpes. I suspect if they were up both on board, they're like,

so let's fuck off? Let's go find some other chicks to fuck? They both just turn and they're like, rock, paper, scissors. That actually would be, would you do that if it was like, all right, let's play that out. Me and you are the dad, and it's like we could either both raise one kid here and both our lives suck. Yeah. Or let's roll the dice.

Or we'll do whatever. Rock, paper, scissors, arm wrestle, whatever. Yeah. And, you know, you have to agree. I'll raise both and you can fuck off. I mean, I would do it just because it's like if we're on Mori, let's get these ratings up. I think it would have to be to chance, too. Like, I wouldn't do something where you might have an edge.

It's like, let's make it totally random. Roll a dice, rock, paper, scissors, whatever. You can't do it on us. Because if it was like, yeah, let's have a foot race. It's like, I don't know if you're fast enough to win. It's got to be coin flip or whatever. And you might have 18 years of freedom or you might have two babies to raise.

Imagine the coin flip to find if you have two kids. The ultimate. And you might have 18 years to raise two kids. I want to do it. Just with a rush. That's like chasing that high. And then you lose the coin flip and kill yourself right away.

Oh, God. What an episode we're painting here. Morrie's like this. He just gets struck by lightning. Ultimate TV scene of all time. God, that would be incredible. I need Millmore to make a fucking cartoon of that or something. Shit, man.

Oh, my God. The whole studio just lifts and levitates into space. I would play with a stacked deck kid Boom And then he reads the thing He's like We actually had an error In the test

Let's get down to brass tacks How much money are you making Are you fucking on camera yet Not fucking on camera yet Yet Can you hear the word yet I'll tell you what I didn't know what you Never, never, never.

I thought you were just asking her new salary. I knew it. No, I knew it. As soon as you started asking about money, I was like, ah, here we go. It is Halloween time. And that was the genesis of this whole thing. No, no, no. It's Halloween time.

I threw up my first Halloween costume pick. Did you? I put up a Halloween costume pick, yeah. What was it? I'm wearing a Slytherin uniform. Is that slutty, though, or no? It's slutty, yeah. Oh, I was going to say, can I ask you, is it slutty Slytherin? It's a slutty. No, it's slutty Slytherin uniform Is that slutty though? It's slutty Oh I was going to say

Can I ask you Is that slutty Slytherin? No it's slutty Slytherin I couldn't walk through The halls of Hogwarts In this outfit That's a fact I threw that up there

That's good I have a bunch of costumes People send me a lot of costumes I put what I've been doing People sent Like they bought them And sent them to you? Sort of yes

Through my Amazon wish list Freaks Through my Amazon wish list Do you like it or not? Here's my Lenny came in here before And he made a, he was very,

what's the word? He was very poignant. He was like, there's fun horny and there's weird horny. That's what I was about to get into. Don't be weird horny.

That's what I was about to get into. Is it fun horny to send a girl a costume? It is fun horny to send a girl a costume. I am not bothered by that. I think that's weird horny.

Well, here's the thing. I have asked specifically. I was like, I'm going to buy costumes I want because I bought some myself. I want things I want to do, but I threw up a bunch of things

that I would never buy myself. Like, you know, like a Playboy bunny costume. I've never bought myself one of those in my life. That like I put those kind of things on there. I put some wigs on there.

I put some diamonds. Yeah. I put some Marilyn Monroe costume on there. I did put a couple nice watches. I put a Chanel watch on there. Did you get it? No.

But again, it's Chanel watch through Amazon. So it's it? No. But again, it's Chanel watch through Amazon. So it's like, it's not that fancy. You should do like the real red jean. You never know.

Maybe I will do a real red jean. Anyway, so I put it up. You're like brooding bitches with red hair and bangs. It's true.

It's true. So I put it all up there and people have sent me pretty much all of it. So that's, I'm happy about that. So now I can just, I just have to take pictures.

And you don't have to pay money for all that I don't have to pay for all this. And I have to buy myself like a costume chest at this point. Like I have just so many, like I have a lot of lingerie, a lot of costumes. And I just, there's not room for it in my apartment.

Like I just have too much shit. I don't want to throw it away because I'm like, you never know. It just feels so funny. Like I'm picturing you like wearing lingerie, like, but not like. I just like wear it around my house now. Like those are like my casual outfits. It's like lingerie and robes, which is really what I've always wanted for my life. I was going to say,

so I kind of have always viewed you doing that. It's not like the we're about to fuck lingerie. It's like the wearing a silky jacket type of thing. He's kind of like a ghost. Exactly. Exactly. That's what I'm trying to do. And then you're smoking a cigarette in one of those holders.

You know how fucked up I am? I don't know how this happened, but my Instagram algorithm is all women breastfeeding. How did that even happen? Bro, you wanna see this shit? I think yours might be the reason. Look, it's the first one! The fucking... Bro, what? Bro, dude, that's nip. Nip is out.

I didn't know how that happened! I swear to God, I didn't even click on one. Now it's gonna hit me a million times. Nip is out. I didn't know how that happened. I swear to God, I didn't even click on one. Now it's going to hit me a million times. The account is breastfeeding.preg. And it's got like a little. I promise you. I promise you.

I didn't ask for this. Bro, hashtag. And it's got some weird loop syncing thing. Hashtag breastfeeding moms. Hashtag breastfeeding. Hashtag breastfeeding moms. Hashtag breastfeeding. Hashtag breastfeeding mom. Hashtag breastfeeding mama. Look how many hashtags. Oh, my God.

How did that happen? Why is that on Instagram? Yeah, man. That's your first one. And then you got the regular stuff. You got some back cracking. Everyone's got some of that. I love the back cracking.

Me too. You got some weird tooth thing. I got the tooth thing too. You got some fat tits and got some of that I love the back cracking Me too You got some weird tooth thing I got the tooth thing too You got some fat tits And fat ass You little pervert What happened one time I think it like popped up

And then when you slow down It'd be like What is that? Yeah Then all of a sudden The next time It's like two And you're like

Why am I getting this? And then it's 15 You're like What's happening? The algorithm needs to take into account Morbid curiosity You know like Where it's just like

I didn't really want to see that But I had to slow down It should be pretty easy I didn't like it six nine twelve fifteen eighteen it took 18 to get to golf his 18th recommended video is a guy swinging a golf ball instagram is a wild place now it's fucking that is hilarious but the i i what's on your pornhub it is it's not that common but it's happened like one or two or three or four or ten times it's just like fucking jacked kangaroos I want to I want to find it because it was so like disturbing like

it was just zoomed in on her. Like, the thumbnail was just... Now, see, now I'm like... Now you're looking for it. Now I'm looking for a muscle girl. This is what I mean. Yo, here it is! I found it! She came right away!

He got so excited. Whoa! I was like, is that a dick? She has one of those clits that's so big. What the hell am I looking for? Bro. Hello, dude. That's the thumbnail, dude?

That's the thumbnail, That's the thumbnail bro That has 4.2 million views See that also makes me feel better about myself though Where it's like It's like a lot of people are watching weird things Let me see this clit Like 4 million people are clicking on that thumbnail God it looks like a toe

That looks like a toe Wait that's Are we sure that's a clit That looks like a very small dick That looks like a clit to me Ruby Mus sure that's a clit that looks like a very small video but that looks like clit to me ruby muscle visits the west philly dungeon oh god ruby muscles definitely just a chick oh these are all uh girls with really big clits and i don't like that but i will be clicking on west philly suck a clit like a fucking little neck.

You drop the little neck in? Bro, this is... Would you rather suck a dick every day or a huge clit? I don't know, man. I think I'd rather a dick. Yeah, I know. I think the clit wears me out. Bro, look at these tits. Suck an oyster every morning.

Look at those tits. That's disgusting. Jesus Christ. This is the everywhere. It's going to be so hard for me to jerk off now I'd rather watch the guy lay his heavy cock on the small guy You know what I have is When I go

A big cock is one thing A heavy cock. Because honestly, don't you feel like a three-quarter dick is heavier than a hard dick? It feels that way, doesn't it? Like a 75% hard dick has some weight to it. I've laid down on the granite before. But your hard dick's like floating. Especially your teeth. I feel like your dick's going down.

Why is that? You were bringing it on it when you were making it. The thing that I said. Yeah. And then he's like. Boom. Here's what happens to me. No.

I've got Pornhub on my. Why is that the worst thing that pops up in my head? I've got Pornhub on my thing right there. But it's a fucking. It was a specific video. It was a cartoon. No, it was a cartoon though. a specific video It was a cartoon So this says This has been removed at the copyright holder

Because I think it was like Lara Croft or something But I just used that as my I just used that as my thumbnail So now the very first time I go to porn It's always cartoons So I mean By the way the cartoons are getting real real Bro You don't want to watch that?

That's unreal. I mean, bro, fights, look at that. That's a cartoon, bro. That's crazy. I could get that. That's fucking better than a fat clitted jack jig. Man, what is wrong with you, bro? Why is that your fucking...

Dude, that's what I'm saying. I literally never looked at anything like that ever. I don't know how that would end up there. So do you think that there are people, I mean, I know I would, if I was working for like the Pornhub algorithm, I would just be like, I'm going to fuck with

this guy's day and this girl's day and just send them weird ass shit. I'm going to send them down a fucking rabbit hole, like just start their heads spiraling like,

what if I looked at them and made them think that I would like this? Yeah. And do I like this? Right, that's the thing. You start to get into people's brains

like, well well wait a minute Maybe I am wondering if like it's actually and it's like the real world stop stop wondering and start getting real. Yeah Well, yeah, there are people that like you can call and it's like, you know Once you give them a couple drinks like my good friend Lloyd who we went on trip with I know That even though Lloyd is tapered back is drinking's drinking. I'll be in the kitchen. I'll go, Mikey, martini extra dirty. He'll go, yep. I go, coming right up.

You know, you got five or six in. You've met him before. I was going to say, Lloyd's tapered back, he's drinking. I had a swimming contest with him last time I saw him. We went to the house in Hunter, New York, and it's 2 in the morning. We're shit-faced. And him and PFT are like, gotta have a there's an indoor pool we gotta have a

swimming contest like absolutely not then everyone starts doing I'm like I'm not gonna be the last guy here who's doing a swimming contest I go what's it like

go underwater then they're like the butterfly I go what I do the butterfly I go my shoulder's gonna tear I go underwater

I do this and it sounded like a rubber band immediate partially torn labrum immediately right off the bat I go underwater I do this And it sounded like A rubber band Immediate Partially Partially torn labrum Immediately Right off the bat

I went up and drank away But Lloyd was there He's gonna come Me and Me and John are actually dating Believe it or not I was just saying We might go to Montana

For a little trip It's a shame You guys would just fuck It would be The perfect couple It would be heinous It would be heinous I don't know

I saw myself in the mirror This morning It would be It would be heinous. It would be heinous. I don't know. I saw myself in the mirror this morning. It would be heinous. It would be heinous. We might do a little Montana trip coming up. Yeah, a little Big Sky. Yeah, me, me, me. I was going on vacation with a bunch of gay guys.

This is like literally Brokeback Mountain. It's me, Zach. You want to go to fucking Montana to ski? He's like, yeah. Because I know he'll do it. All right. Well, no, it's going to be me, my boyfriend, John, his boyfriend, and then like Chef Don. We're going to try and get a good look.

If anyone listening wants to go, it's on my credit card. DM me. Wait, you already bought it? No, I didn't. Oh, okay. I'm in, by the way. I know you're in. You will suck a dick that weekend.

Imagine. Or like whatever, the third or fourth time, whatever it is, but you will suck a dick that weekend. My Little League baseball coach introduced me to it. I replicate that. We walk into the thing. It's a perfect replica of the Hurricane O'Reilly's bathroom. Just to get him done. Now the glory hell will be over here.

I'll tell you what. We were talking about doing some new studio designing stuff, and we were talking about having a confess Studio designing stuff And we were talking about Having like a confessional And we were I'd suck at taking a confessional We're just gonna put a Glory hole hole in it

Yes And I don't know I don't know if you'll be able To access it And put your dick through it But there will be a glory hole In our confessional I think we should be able

To access it Because I think it would be funny I know why Because No I think it would be funny Yeah But I think it would be funny Joey it'll work If like You're in the middle of a confessional and I can just slam a dildo. Yeah.

Like a scary movie? Yeah. Or my hard cock. Either one. We're done. We're done. Everyone's getting too drunk. Eat your fucking Chick-fil-A.

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