KFC Radio - 2022 Best Of the KFC Radio Team and Guests - Part 2 (July - December)

Episode Date: December 29, 2022

The best of KFC Radio from July to December. Thanks to everyone who's listened. We appreciate you all! 00:00:00 Danny Devito Likes His Pizza with Anchovies 00:02:35 VR P*Rn is too much 00:09:27 Wheelbarrow Texting 00:21:58 FELLAS 00:34:49 Bri and Feits Almost Get Matching Tattoos 00:43:27 Happy Endings at the Massage Parlor 00:53:28 Kelly Keegs Makes an OF Account 01:12:22 Feits Birthday with Jackie Antics, Mushrooms, and Little Girl Ghosts 01:25:17 Feits Get Bullied into Going to London 01:37:30 Jackie Overshare of the Year Award 01:46:00 The Great Denver Soup Debate 02:00:30 We did Glenny Balls Dirty 02:05:37 WTBA with Shane Gillis and John McKeever 02:07:56 Ari Shaffir and Bobby Kelly 02:20:08 Andrew Schulz 02:30:06 Feits has the worst halloween party of all time 02:39:24 Jackie is a Dragon and the KFCR Team takes LA Catch the rest of the podcast here: https://linktr.ee/kfcr #KFCRadio #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. We have... Oh, you got Scarfish United. This has been in our studio for the last, like, five years, four years. That's beautiful, man. He picked it up in the airport one day, just... Your mug just jumped out at him.

I was leaving Nashville still drunk. Yeah. I was at the magazine. I was just sitting there giggling at like 6 a.m. I was like, I got to buy this. Every once in a while I have a stogie. Everything in moderation. Oh, yeah, I'll do it.

Once in a while I have a stogie. But here's something you do. We read in this magazine that it shouldn't be done in moderation. No, it shouldn't be done ever. Is you like a margarita pizza with anchovies? That's you. Oh, yeah. Your pizza, man.

Matter of fact. It says right here, arugula, too. You said there's something about it. I put it on everything. You said, yeah, I put, I like anchovies on a margarita pizza. I throw arugula on top, and I fold it up. Fold it over and eat it. I swear to God. No, it's like, it's absolutely. We were having, we had a party for Little Demon.

It was like pizza. And he brought his own anchovies because he knew that there wasn't going to be. No, people don't have them. Yeah, of course not. They're disgusting. Bring your own anchovies. I'm a kid. Come on with anchovies. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hang it. Bring your own anchovies. Come on. We need anchovies.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Is this in like a bag or like a... He gets them in these nice little jars. Jars. You know, I got two of them. I had two jars. You had two jars.

Because I'm afraid somebody's going to eat them. You know, if they eat them, I got to have a couple pieces. I lay them on there, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. So we watched the first night, the premier night of Little Demon, we were all sitting together, everybody out, watching it on a nice big screen.

Everybody else is eating pizza, but I'm eating pizza with anchovies. It was good. My mouth is watering right now. I wish I would have had it right here for you had I known. You can't bring that up and not have it.

Have you guys ever had it? I've never. You like it? It's good. You had it because of him? Yeah. Really good, huh? I think the texture would be problem.

He would sneak anchovies into the pasta sauce when I was in school. Because you can melt it in and whatever. That's a little different. But then, you know, the taste, it just becomes a, you know, it's part of my childhood now. Yeah, you're just used to it. Yeah. So you smell anchovies, you think of dad. Oh, yeah.

That's fucking hilarious. I look at him and I see an anchovy. I see an anchovy. Real quick before Emma the asshole and our voicemails the last thing that I watched

over my break was porn on Oculus and it's funny because I at one point I think I saw four play posts

something or maybe this just popped into my head. But I just texted Frankie. Oh, Jerry. Jerry plays Oculus Golf. And I saw him post that. Jerry. Jerry.

Our Jerry. Jersey Jerry. And so I texted Frankie. That was stupid. I knew that was going to happen. Yeah. That's going to be a good gif and a good video. It was very funny.

I texted Frankie, almost like the way you would text a chick. Like, I'm going to bring up this topic so that I can bring up this topic. I said, hey, do you guys ever play golf on Oculus? Do you have any of those VR goggles? Fully intending to bring up porn. His answer was, no, because I'll watch too much porn if I have Oculus. I said, well, good. Let me get the exact thing, because I was like, oh, good. We can just cut right to the chase.

Because, oddly enough, as I was doing that, it's kind of weird when you're watching virtual reality porn with the goggles on, and I go, oh, I gotta talk to Frankie. I can't wait to talk to Frankie about this. I said, do you have an Oculus? Have you guys ever golfed in a VR headset?

No, I don't. Felt like my porn habits would lead me to a bad place if I got an Oculus, so I never pulled the trigger. And I said, bro, that's exactly what I was texting you about. He goes, I can't do it, man. I'll turn into an actual monster. If I bought an Oculus, I'd probably have a – I don't even know if I should be out here all this way.

If I bought an Oculus, I'd probably have a closet full of rubber pussies and asses in a week. I'd be locked in a room for a month. The cops would have to knock down the door. Dude, what is... What is that movie where there's, like, all these, like, very, like, creatures that are, like, scared of the light? Where they're all, like, very white and, uh... Vampires? No, I guess it's kind of vampire.

I am legend. No, I haven't seen I am legend. Whatever. That would be Frankie. Like, stop! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got my goggles on. You can just see Frankie's little pale white body.

Frankie, we haven't seen, no one's ever seen Frankie's body. No. Long-sleeved t-shirts and long-sleeved pants all the time. Who knows what's under there? Can you imagine Frankie Borelli's dick, frankie's dick's gotta be hilarious maybe not the dick but the dick area like all here's still pale and he's just got this probably like mediocre dick right there got the goggles on he's like he probably would watch the tiger anyway and jerk off to that but

um so we have our interview today with uh danny steel who is uh a porn star who uh is a big stoolie and was rocking the moon man sneakers in one of a lot of his videos so we started talking and he came through we've had a million porn stars on but never from the guy point of view dude came in like santa claus you'll see it on our on our vlog on uh over the weekend on kFC Radio on YouTube. But he came in with Oculus, and it was loaded up with some porn. And so I don't know. Every time we've been here, we've gotten free samples and shirts and all these things.

And I don't know if you guys saw when I left that day, but I was like, I got to go. Take my Oculus with me. And I found there was an Adriana Cechik video. And, brother, Frankie is dead ass right when you can do some he goes oh boy when you can do some virtual reality adriana chetchik i was like i'm never gonna leave the house again really i mean it's i i i have yet to to dabble it's honestly cool it's cool so it was a doctor scene. I was in bed. Because what's funny about it is you still can't obviously touch her, manipulate her anyway.

So she's the doctor and she's next to the bed. And the actor reaches out and grabs her. And she's like, nope, no touching, no touching. So they work it into the storyline that you can't touch. Because that is the only thing you can't move around. But she's a doctor and she's like, I got to check you out. And like, oh, sucking your dick will probably heal you or whatever the fuck it was. But what's wild is that you have, there's speakers like right by your ears.

So she like whispers at some point and it goes into your ear. I'm an ears guy. I could probably come from like talking to my ears. I got a little heart there. You didn't say the word whisper. I might have boomed up. I swear to God, I'm sitting there and it's got to be so funny if someone saw me at a third party. I got my goggles on. I got my

hands on the controller. I'm laying on my fucking couch naked and Adriana whispers and I go like this. I'm like I was like, you know, like this. I'm like... Like I was like, you know, like this with my shoulder like, oh my God. Because it went like

right in my ear. Do it again, do it again. And then she goes to the other side and does this here. I'm like... And then, bro, I mean, so at this point

you can look around the room. Like what I find funny is just like, of course there's Adriana Chachik fucking, but as she's fucking I can just look over at like the lamp over there and it's not like it stops over here it's still going and then you come back to it but i mean imagine adriana the move she did she's basically

reverse cowgirl yeah she's reverse cowgirl and then gets up and like straddling you just like leans her head down starts starts sucking your dick. Imagine that is in virtual reality. I was like, oh boy. I need a break, man. I was thinking it's going to be like POV porn. You see it from this point of view. It's this way, that way,

in your ear, up your ass, on your dick, around the corner. I was like, I get this thing away from me. Satan has come through my hole. I actually think that that would be so real. Like, porn to me is different. I think to most people, I think it's really groundbreaking, but it's very different than sex.

Yeah. That, to me, feels so... It felt like sex. So similar to sex that I would be like, this is too... I just want to go fuck someone for real. Well, I was almost like This is my Friday night I can't fuck any human tonight

Gonna get the same Exact feeling though But that's almost weird To like I haven't done it I did it one other time since But I didn't even like come I was like

What's really weird Just watch it for the story Well what's really weird Like you gotta like You know It's like Finding it on your phone I need easy access

To the fast forward i've got the fucking you know i got this laser beam for my yeah you know click click and then at one point i lost the menu like went behind me and i was like i'm just gonna jerk off on my phone like usual you know but it is almost like uh you know you know when we talk about when you go to the uh the hotel and you you don't jerk off you like make love to yourself? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like a night where it's like, all right, I got nothing to do. I don't have to wake up. No one's going to bother me.

I'm going to watch the VR movie. It's wild. It's a wild ride. All right. Am I the Asshole? Then voicemails, and then we'll get into that interview. You'll hear. Jackie was – Nick kind of set it up perfectly.

It was – we needed a couple extra people, so it was me, John, and Will for Pints, obviously the host of the show. And then it was like, JP is their producer, editor, but also like half content guy, and Jackie's our half content girl. So they slid in, and Jackie was hammered. Just ham-faced. Was it obvious? Huh? Was it that obvious? I i shouldn't say hammered but you were just fucking drunk yeah there was a lot of like hey let me i got this you know like hands out and like i'm talking right now because like we say you it was funny because i i uh introduced jp as the star of busting with the boys to fuck with will and And then I had to introduce Jackie, and it was like, and she's the star of KSV Radio. She's running the show here.

So Jackie has a new thing that I think is going to work. You can't push it too much. Like, stop trying to make fetch happen. But I do like this scale because the world loves scales. They love the 0 to 10 scale. They love the binary 0, 1.

They love all these different ways to rank people. She's a New York Chicago 2 New York 10 So Jackie's new Rating system is sex positions But she only has two of them

She just has missionary And then she just kept saying over and over again Binding wheelbarrow Over and over You had doggy too So her point was If you're texting with a guy Binding wheelbarrow. Yeah, I don't know. Over and over. You had doggy too. Yeah, yeah. Doggy was the good. So her point was if you're texting with a guy and he's like very boring and not like witty and funny,

she would say to her girls, he texts missionary. And what you want is, you know, you want a guy to text you doggy where it's just like it's good, it's kinky, it's fun, but it's not crazy. And then you can go too far with it. And her example for too far was binding and wheelbarrow. What's the most extraneous? I know, though. You definitely get the point. It was just funny that by the fifth time, I was like,

I think Jackie gets fucked in the wheelbarrow binding position a lot. I don't know what's going on here. I think that if you had me list every sex position I know, I don't think I would have thought to write it down. I think I'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that one in a movie once. Well, I asked her. I kept saying, give me the rest of the scale.

Because then she couldn't think of any other. She had no others. It was just – it just goes from missionary to doggy to binding wheelbarrow. By the way, when I was growing up, I learned – it was called the Hoover Maneuver in my day because it's like vacuuming. Like you're like holding the person like a vacuum. Oh, wheelbarrows like that? That's what I was thinking. What's the wheelbarrow? I don't think you're on it. I think in my mind, the lady is on their shoulders on a wheelbarrow.

The lady is on their shoulders? I guess. No, she's probably on her hands. Yeah. I'm basically doing the heavy lifting. I got your legs up. You're holding the legs. But I had it backwards. I had. I got your legs up. You're holding the legs. But I had it backwards. I had it like we're like shooting up.

Is it with the weight? I was thinking like how you do like wheelbarrow races. But it's the girl's leg. Yeah. The girl's leg. Yeah. And she's doggy but on your legs. Your face is down.

Your hands are holding you up or your elbows or whatever. I've never done that. But you're talking about... It's just an arm workout for everyone. You're saying the guy would be on his back or something? No, no, no. She would be on her back, the lady. But the guy would be holding up the legs.

It's just like... So it just flips over. Yeah, it just flips over. Yeah, yeah, got it, got it. But I think that way it works. I think that way it works. Well, when you do a wheelbarrow race, it's holding legs and hands. So I think it's just wheelbarrow, but six.

But what would be – so let's make our list. Okay. So missionary is like – But there's not that many versions of texting. Like I feel like you only need three. Well, but that's to be – yes, you're probably right. But no, there's got to be some nuance. It's like, okay, they both text really good.

They're both dog-eating. No, no, no. One's got to be – I think you need five to have a system. So I think you need two more. Because binding wheelbarrow is the top. Which I might shoot for. I might try to be like, I'm gonna wheelbarrow text

this bitch. But I also think that it's not even just texting. I think it's just like, you could use it for anything. Yeah, anything. I mean, anything that you want to... It'll probably be mostly about dating a guy or whatever, but he can dress a certain way. He can have game in person in a good way. This is his game when he's texting.

I guess it gets weird when it's his actual sex game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because could you fuck somebody doggy style in the scale missionary? Like his doggy style, fuck. Yeah. Yeah, that can get really... And vice versa, his missionary might be awesome. So you want the missionary. Yeah.

I think the list has to then go missionary, girl on top, girl... I can't believe we never thought of a better name for that. I know, there's nothing... Well, I guess it's cowgirl. Girl on top. Girl. Reverse cowgirl. I can't believe we never thought of a better name for that. I know. There's nothing. Well, I guess it's cowgirl.

Girl reverse cowgirl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I guess it would go missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggy. But how can his game be cowgirl? That's what I mean. That's what I mean. We need a different. What are the positions for guys?

Everything is where the girl is really going, right? The girl's on her hands and knees. The girl's on I mean. That's what I mean. We need a different... What are the positions for guys? Everything is where the girl is really going, right? The girl's on her hands and knees. The girl's on her back. The girl's holding herself with her hands while she's bound. The girl... You know, there's not many...

Except for Amazon. That's why Amazon's funny because the guy is the one getting fucked. The guy's never getting fucked unless you're like pegging or doing Amazon. Maybe that's like the top, top.

What, pegging or the Amazon? The X factor is preposterous. That looks like definitely a realistic sexual position. Yeah, that's the thing about these things. They're so silly. That one's tough because you gotta have a big dick for that.

The cowboy. Whoa! Let's go. Go back to the cowboy for a second read that off what's mine is yours, what's yours is mine I just wanted to be like here's how you do it, but I guess it's pretty obvious

but wait I don't get it that's just her legs are inside of your legs instead of the outside when you're doing missionary, she just has her legs out and you're in the middle. Instead, you're on top of her like cowgirl. You're a cowboy. That's a wild move, dude.

That move was loose. That's one you have after a couple glasses of wine. Yeah, well, a lot of these, like... What the hell? That's one person. That's the prone bone. Oh, yeah, self-loving. That's what they're talking about, though. Girls can do that, I guess. The champagne room, that's person. That's the prone bone. Oh, yeah, self-loving. That's what they're talking about, though. Girls can do that, I guess.

The champagne room. That's funny. That's a good one. Terrible. Get out of here. I am not trying to lift your ass up. I'll go lift it. For the effect, or you enjoy it?

Like, there's no way it feels good. For the fucking effect, dude. Yeah, there's no way it's like... Dude, I do the whole fucking production for the effect. This feels just as good. I'm doing the whole thing because I want to see things and touch things. Everything is for the effect. Nothing I enjoy about it.

That is really so true, and I don't know if it's the same for girls. I guess because, you know, listen, the premier position, chicks are just looking at the fucking wall. That sucks, man. Like reverse cowgirl is a big thing because the guy is like, damn, I can see your asshole and I'm smacking your ass and all that. You're just looking at the wall. That sucks, man. Like, reverse cowgirl's a big thing because the guy's like, damn, I can see your asshole and I'm smacking your ass and all that. You're just looking at the wall. I remember a girl...

Looking at your fucking feet, dude. Dude, I'm like, I'll fucking stick them under the sheets and get out of here. Look at my fucking disgusting-ass feet, dude. This is mortifying. You're just gonna stare at my feet, dude? Did you imagine a drunk girl?

She comes out of her blackout and she's like, am I fucking a hobbit? Is this a human I'm on top of? The socks stay on during sex. Give me some slippers. I know a girl when we were younger. She was fucking a younger guy. And he mentioned to her that he had never had a girl ride we were younger uh she was she was fucking a younger guy and he mentioned to her

that he had never had a girl ride him reverse cowgirl and so she was like i'm gonna blow this guy's mind tonight like i'm gonna do it i guess she was kind of like nervous about it too whatever so she got a little drunk and she said she woke up and like trying to piece together the whole night and like did she fuck him how she fucked him all that and then she like all of a sudden she said she just had a flash of two feet and she was like i did it yeah mission accomplished um but yeah you're not looking at much i think guys are like i want to see all these different parts and all these different places and i want to see the come here and all that and girls it's just like just don't move just stay still i fuck Stay still while I ride you and then you can do whatever you want, you dumb simpleton motherfucker.

You want to see the product? It's like fireworks. It's honestly like fireworks. You've seen this a million times before, right? Once you fucked a bunch of chicks, you fucked a bunch of chicks, but it's like, I want to see that one and those. I want to see that face look like the pretzel. What are we doing here? I can't even tell what's up

and down with these little figures. These are not very helpful. The Kama Sutra. Let me tell you this about the Kama Sutra. If you're going to do a Kama Sutra position, it needs to be on a night where you tell your partner, hey, let's do the Kama Sutra tonight. You know?

You can't just be like, hang on. When you're having sex, you tell someone, flip over, or come this way, you pull them around. When you're like, okay, hang on. You know, when you're having sex, you're like, you tell someone, flip over or come this way, you pull them around. When you're like, okay, hang on, let me just... It's like, what are you doing? But if you say to them, hey, we're going to try out the Kama Sutra tonight, people get, you know, they get their stretch on. Gotta get ready for the pretzel dive.

What the fuck are we doing here? So anyway, I think it should go missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, doggy, pile driver, binding wheelbarrow. Yeah, okay. I mean, that's six, but it's like – because I think the wheelbarrow is too much. Yeah. But it's also like... But I can, you know...

Maybe on someone's birthday. Like, I think doggy is the... That is funny. It's like, it's your birthday. It's my birthday. Will you, like, sacrifice some vertebrae for me? Yeah. And that's all just regular...

You know, that's just like P and the B, right? It's not... It's just the positions you're doing it. Because I think like a pile driver's texter might be like... You know, if doggy's the sweet spot, pile driver might be like, he's a little bit too much, but whatever, we're okay. And then binding wheelbarrow, you're like, I'm out.

And that way doggy can be the... I guess so reverse cowgirl is right in the middle. There's two on either side. No, no, there's, there's a two and a half. Anyway, I think that's your, like the original thought was like, like if he's being like really funny over text and you could just be like, he's fucking wheelbarrowing me over text right now. Like that.

So that's good then. But then, yeah. So then I go back and forth. You said wheelbarrow bindings too much. Can you wait? I'm sorry. So then I go back and forth between being like, okay, but also, like, I don't, it's like the same for the show.

Like, I don't want too much because then, like, some people are so much better over text than they are in person. Then that's not cool. So then I don't want, so it's like this whole thing. So then I just, I have not worked out the scale yet. Okay. In that case, I would think, I think wheel, we, binding wheelbarrow needs to be like because there's bad like missionary meaning it kind of goes up and then down it's not like it just keeps getting better right it's like

this sucks and this sucks yeah because and one is just quiet and the other one is like i'm gonna fucking you know they're saying they got if you text the word gape you're probably in a wheelbarrow binding situation so i think that should be bad but i guess it's up to you and the word gape, you're probably in a wheelbarrow binding situation. So I think that should be bad, but I guess it's up to you and the ladies. So the girls and the people who take dicks probably need to make this list more so than the fellas. I'll reconvene with my girls, and we'll see what they think of the scale. And what's funny for guys is that, like, doggy is, like, you know, if we had to make our own scale, like, doggy is, like, bare minimum. You know what I mean? We're talking, you know, What's too far on our list?

What's the binding wheelbarrow for fellas? That Armie Hammer shit? I'll let you know when I find it. I'll still let you know when I find it. We haven't found that yet. TBD. Speaking of Armie Hammer, we've got to talk about him and whatever else is going on in the news this weekend. I feel like it was a big news weekend. Brought to you by

John. The floor is yours. Okay. So again, it's at the Chicklets Cup, which again, I don't know how many hundreds, maybe thousands of people were there. But when you

really think about it, like a hockey game doesn't have as many hockey bros. It's got regular people in the crowd. This is probably the largest collection of pure hockey bro that there really is. Right. You did it in Canada last time, right? No, that was – Or upstate. Something was in Canada, right?

We did a pond hockey one in Canada a few years ago. Pond hockey, right, right, right. But we're talking Canada. We're doing Buffalo, New York. Exactly. or something was in Canada, right? We did a pond hockey one in Canada a few years ago. But we're talking Canada. We're doing Buffalo, New York. This is hockey country. And like you said, it's not just a game. It's like it is a celebration of hockey is what those guys do.

And everyone there is a hockey player. There are very few spectators. There are very few passengers. Everyone there who played hockey has that mentality to them. Varying levels from pro all the way down to whatever, but they all love the game. And this year was the first year with – this tournament was the first one with a girls division, but usually it's almost all men. Right.

And so it's like the bathroom – this is the Pig Whitney party Saturday night, Friday night. Okay. The bathroom is like – it's as jammed as like in between periods of the bruins game it's a huge long line is that a bar restaurant or just like it's like an outdoor this is like an outdoor venue it's really it's called riverworks buffalo it's fucking sick if i if it's only like five years old but if i grew up in a town that had a riverworks in it where it's like two rinks an arcade a bar a concert venue i'd have never left it i'd have been a pro hockey player lost my virginity at seven it would be fucking sick right but i'm in the bathroom to a dude in the bathroom this place long lines

now everyone's kind of waiting in the urinal oh we're all waiting there. You think you know what's about to come. You have no idea. Now, I'm currently at a urinal when this all starts. I am currently at a urinal. And some dude jumps in the middle of the room. And he just goes,

Fellas! Fellas! I got the smallest dick in the room. And he pulls his pants down, and he fucking shows his little dick, and he starts flicking it around. And someone goes, who's got smaller? And we all start pounding the wall going, who's got smaller? Who's got smaller? Who's got smaller?

And another dude jumps in the middle of it and goes, fellas! I got the smallest dick in the room. And then he pulls his pants down. He starts flicking his dick back and forth. Two dudes, two little things go like this. The rest of the boys go, who's got smaller? Who's got smaller? I was, like I said, I was at the end when this started.

So I'm walking out at this point. I do not know if a third jumped in. Jordy said when he got to the bathroom, it was still going on. I would have just stayed in that room. I would have just been like, this is where the party's at. How many more guys would step up and go, fellas! Fellas! Got the smallest dick in the room.

Now, do you think that the fact that there was this kind of cadence and this chant from the crowd, is this something that happens? Immediately afterwards, I walked out. I was talking to anyone who would listen to me. Anyone who was from Buffalo. Was this born in Buffalo or something? Everyone was like, I have no idea what the hell. It was just pure.

I want to Google. I want to put everything in quotes and see if the internet's ever talked about this. Is there a fellow? It's, oh, I've got the smallest dick in the room. Locker room thing that we don't know about. Literally, I told this story. It was just beautiful. At know about Because Literally I told this story It was just beautiful At this point

I've told this story 20 times 30 times Nobody's ever heard of it No one's ever heard of it At all It is literally The word for it

Is beautiful It was like Just like It's not like Being like I got a big dick I'm tough It's just like

It's being Fuck it I got my little dick Let's have a good time And they did And they were true to their word They had little Like just like a tip

Tiny little dicks. Yeah. It would be very annoying if the guy was like, ah, I've got the smallest dick in the room. And then he just was like hanging. No, no. No, you don't. No, you don't. It was pure, uncut guys being dudes.

Was it uncut? I didn't know. I don't think the first guy was. Too small you could even tell? I think when I turned around, I was like, what the fuck? I don't really. I didn't get that great a look at him. Because you know what that is right there? That's taking back the power, man.

That's turning the game on its head. We've had big dicks jammed into our brains our whole lives. And now, no. I've got to smoke this dick. Everyone jumped. I was the girl i was pissing jumping slamming the wall who's got small who's got small that like if you have a small dick and that's going on and they're and they're cheering you that's arguably the best moment of your life. Because up until that point, depending on how old you are

and where you're at with your tiny dick, that is your biggest insecurity. Girls have laughed at you. Guys have made fun of you. You have whatever. And all of a sudden, in the land of the tiny dicks, you're king.

You're the star of the show. Fellas! I'm getting smaller. The event's not like, it's not the goal of the event, but events like this tend to make you miss the glory days and make you want to get back on the ice and shit like that. I've played, and this is my fifth one, I think, fifth Chiclets event.

This is only the third roller hockey. I did two of the pond hockeys. I might have done a couple others. Nothing has made me miss the glory days, high school sports, the locker room, like that. That was like, I was like, fuck me, man. How old were you when you were talking? How old were the kids? They were kids.

I mean, like, I don't know. It was, they were nondescript. Let's call them mid-20s. Let's take out that part where we said they were kids. No. It was the kids in the bathroom showing me their dicks. You got to be 21 to play in the event. But they were regular dudes.

It wasn't like they were, like, old guys or something like that. I'll be honest, Kev. I don't know. I think I look at their faces. What were their balls like? It's all kind of a blur. If you got the tiny dick, if you have a really tiny dick, does your balls change size? Yes.

I would say yes. It would be crazy to have regular ass balls. Yeah. It would be. They had a small little coin purse. If you have a huge dick, you don't have huge balls. You get longer balls, don't you? I don't know.

I don't think so. I mean, look. If I remember correctly, maybe I'm just painting the picture in my head. But it was like a little coin purse. That's crazy. And then a little thumb. Like, you know, we joke all the time I have a small dick. And I do think my soft penis is rather small.

But it's probably completely normal. And if I were to jump in there and be like, I got the smallest, they'd be like, boo! That's a normal two and a half inches soft. Boo! That's actually regulation for America. I've Googled it before. 5.14 inches is the average. Boo!

I mean. Maybe in Brazil you'd get away with that shit being small,.14 inches is the average. Boo! I mean. Maybe in Brazil you'd get away with that shit being small, but not here in the States. It's just. I've heard stories. Nikki Glaser told it on her stand-up once. And I've heard girls that I know tell the story where they all show each other their pussies. To be like, yeah, mine's a little lippy. And mine's a little dark. and I've got roast beef.

Oh, yeah. This is a story very much like that where strangers were showing each other their pussies in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like – but normally that's girlfriends and they like go to a stall and it's like let's just do this to empower ourselves and not like a chanting in public. But as always, guys take it one step further and they're just like, yeah, man, it's cool to have small dicks. It's a small dick party and it's like being a short king. It's a small dick party and if you're hanging dick, you're a fucking loser, bro.

I'm actually fucking mad I walked out. I would have sat down on the fucking floor. You were lingering? No, I was becoming like I was starting to hear a couple of John, John, John. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't fly too close to the sun on that one. Oh, man.

Chef Donnie was in the bathroom with me too. We walked out and we were like, that was the fucking coolest thing I've ever been a part of. That was fucking beautiful. It was hilarious. It was like a celebration of manhood, but not in a creepy, not in a creepy, but not in a dangerous way.

No, because you know what? Celebrating men, it's bad. It's things are going to go. Everyone's incredibly misogynistic and horrible. Right. But this was just like the fucking... Usually a celebration of manhood...

This was a celebration of dudehood. That's usually like clan meetings. Yeah, right. And like gang warfare and shit. It's manhood, but not, but it is because it's like true manhood. You know what the gayest shit in the world is? The fucking lamest, softest shit in the world? Having a big dick.

You're blessed. Life's easy. Girls want to big dick. You're blessed. Life's easy. Girls want to fuck you. You have confidence. You walk around and you can show it off. You're a fucking, it's like you're like a cake eater of dick. You know what I mean? You know what a real man is?

Having a little pecker. I still get up and go to fucking work in the factory. I play in my men's league afterwards. I'll hit the ice and I'll fucking throw you over the fucking – what's it called? The fucking boards. And I do it all with my little fucking mushroom tip dick. That's like one of my favorite quote-unquote pickup line I've ever seen delivered. It's my buddy who's probably about 5'7".

This girl is talking. And he's one of those guys who he talks to every... One of those, like, I'll just shoot a million shots. One will land. Numbers need it. And it lands basically every night. But my one buddy is about 6'5". And he's talking to this chick.

And my buddy steps in the middle of him. And he says, look up at him. Look at that guy. He's been handed everything his whole life. He doesn't have to work for anything. Anything. I'll take you home. I'll fucking pin your legs with a headboard,

and I'll fuck you until your eyes roll to the back of your head. I'll work for it. And guess who? Guess who? Yes! Yes! Come on! Yes!

Yes! I got two friends. Look at me. I'll fucking work for it. I got one friend Who's 6'5 Chiseled Girls say that his face

Looks like John Mayer And works in finance I got another friend Actually they both work in finance So that's a wash I got another friend 5'7 Balding

You know Admittedly says Not the best looking guy in the world. He goes, if I look like him, I'd be the fucking president. He's like, I would run the fucking – he goes, forget about getting laid. I would run the fucking world if I looked like him. Are you kidding me? And then it's funny because we all laugh, but the tall guy was just doing what we're all doing.

He's kind of like, shit, fuck. Maybe I haven't done enough of this. You started on third. You're getting picked off. Yeah, yeah. It's the same thing when you say fat girl head. Fat girls are going to suck your dick because they need to. They fucking need to.

Unless you're just watching 30 Rock in bed and Liz Lemon says, I'm not one of those girls who do weird things in bed Because I think I have to Yo speaking of Did you see Rosebud's latest Instagram clip She said she retired from sucking dick Because I don't do it anymore She said

I'm done doing it And the crowd is like Some people are cheering Some people are groaning I swear if they had heads of lettuce I think they would have been throwing them. And she's like, nope, don't care. Don't care. Not going to do it.

You know why? She's basically saying because she sucks at it. Trust me, it's a good thing that I'm not even going to try anymore. But yeah, I mean, those are the people that try hard in life. Those guys, that little dick guy will probably eat your box until you fucking. That dude was in the fucking corners all tournament. He doesn't care about scoring up on the stats. He's just trying to help the squad, dude.

Oh, man, that's great shit. How was the rest of the night? That's a great sweater. That's dope. I'm so glad the tattoo shop is closed. Stop, stop, stop. Are we rolling? You're in this. Let's go. That is perfect. We're rolling, is that?

Yeah. I hope the mics picked that up. Usually they say famous last words. This is famous next day words. I'm so glad the tattoo shop wouldn't take us. So glad that it wasn't open. We walked forever. That went zero to

100 really quick. How did that even happen? I don't know, dude. So it's the KC Radio crew and the Plan B crew go to this little dive bar after the Comedy Store.

And how did it start? We're just sitting around drinking like nobody's in the bar it was very low key it was just us and then fights you said let me show you the worst tattoo ever that's what it was and it was that fuck love thing oh yo i don't remember that you don't remember that so so it was it's this tattoo that it says like fuck you but it also this tattoo that it says, like, fuck you. But it also says love you. It's like the top says fuck and the bottom says love. You don't have that, right? No, no, no.

But so the fight was like, I'm going to show you the worst tattoo you've ever seen. I'm thinking it's going to be a guy with a dick on his face. Yeah. And it's this thing that's pretty fucking corny and cheesy. But so he shows it. I think a dick on the face would be better. If it was up to me, you're like, you have to pick one of these two tattoos I'll do a dick on the face like a teardrop style though like small she goes oh this is bad this is bad and you were like you're right I'm telling you I kind of want it and then it was just kind of devolved into tattoo talk. You guys both have a bunch.

And then the next thing we know from that, and you're hammered. You did not seem hammered, though. That's what's bad about me. So I'm fucking blacked out. I'll be talking to people. They're like, oh, she's just weird. I'm like, no, she's blacked out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, she's weird. I was that way when I was younger. People, like, I would watch a whole game with guys. and they'd be like, good to catch up last night. I was like, we hung out? Right. And they were like, we watched a nine-inning baseball game together, dude. And I'd be like, yeah, sorry. So I didn't know that.

I didn't realize you were drunk. And next thing you know, you two walk over to the corner, top corner of the bar, and take a picture. I have the best picture ever picture of the exit sign. Oh, yeah! I was going to say, I was like, what were we going to get? She takes a picture of the exit sign as if every exit

sign in existence doesn't look like this. There was something unique about this exit sign. And look how fucking blurry the picture is too. It's like the worst picture I've ever seen. They took it and then it's like, all right, really good. This is the picture.

That is the picture. No, no. I look at mine and I'm like, yep, we're going right now. It was a... EXIT, that's it. It was a retro, that was a retro exit sign.

I don't think so. I'll die on this hill. I'll die on this hill. I'm getting the exit sign. I think I was gonna, well, the whole walk we're going there, we're like, where should we get it? And I'm like, I don't know. They'll put it like right here. I think I was going to put it like a big ass exit sign.

I think we're going to get them matching. We've hung out twice. We got matching tattoos together. Brief story the next day on TikTok. Me and my friend who I should not be getting tattooed with. That's some shit you guys do. I was like, new friend and we're getting tattooed. It's like siblings and blood and best friends.

I have a tattoo with my siblings and that'd be awesome. I had a tattoo with my siblings and then we're on chicken fry. By the way, we keep talking this, I'm going to go fucking get it. I know. We're going to wrap the pod so we can make the tattoo parlor and our flight so wait did you did you it didn't happen because they were closed or they said you guys are too fucked up it didn't exist yeah like yeah we were like in an industrial point we were in the we were walking around the middle of fucking nowhere and we there was like these drug dealers in the parking lot and they and like i just walk up to them like,

where's the tattoo shop? Like, we got coke, we got whatever you need. Just tattoos. No, where's the tattoo shop? We got a needle. We can figure something out. I don't know.

I've always, I don't have tats. I feel like, you know, they, most tattoos are probably drunk, right? But they're also not supposed to take you in your shit face,

but is that just like a, we don't really care. I've been turned away before. You haven't? Yeah. I know, I was scared. I was like, we have to pretend that we're sober. You would have been fine. You would have not been fine. I was the drunkest... I was the drunkest person

when I was turned away. It would have been a real problem. What were you going to get? I don't even remember. Probably something I eventually got. A welcome sign. That was probably for the most. Yeah. I woke up.

I feel like if you woke up with matching tattoos with Heidelberg, it might be like. It's not the worst thing in the world, but it's not the best thing in the world. I was like, that would have been really good for the vlog. Yeah. 100%. Still time. Matching exit signs. You understand it.

So what's this mean? Well, you know, I tell you. It's a retro exit sign that apparently is not retro at all. It's just an exit sign in an L.A. bar. You don't understand. In the real picture, it comes through. It would have been. I love that you're like, no, man, that was different.

It was just. Yeah. I don't believe anything. Just so you i know i think you guys are all lying to us i think you guys are retro ass i was excited for that i still might get it it was it was green that's different no look outside our door right now it's fucking it was red it was red it was red get out of town the picture is red but I mean, the picture is all the same, bro. I think I took a picture of a different exit sign. Yeah, I think. That wasn't the exit sign that we were going to get. There was a different exit sign.

Oh, okay. Yeah, this isn't the one. See, no. That picture. I think the picture itself is red. I think that exit sign is green. Yeah. Or black.

No, this was a cool exit sign. It was a cool exit sign. I'll die. I'll go to the group. I'm going to text Potter and be like, dude, you're back there at that fucking bar tonight no i'll go back well that was like the that was the wrapping up the bar on the way to the bar shit almost went down with this dude uh i'm imagining was either walking to or from the saddle ranch looked like younger dude yeah tiktok kid hammered it was it was this crew plus josh potter i was in the back of the like the line josh was in the front and

josh had his head turned it was telling a story while he walked and i watched it materialize like last second and i was like ah because this guy was marching down the block yeah it looked like he had just gone in a fight yeah yeah i I feel like he was on fucking crystal meth. He was on... He was angry drunk. It was not like a sloppy drunk. He had tunnel vision, like, I'm going to fuck something up. He threw his shoulder right into Potter's chest.

I can't believe Potter didn't go fucking fold like a house of cards. He got knocked. And this guy was like, you want to fuck... Out of his mind drunk. There was no reason for it at all i don't i think this kept happening on the whole walk because his friend was like i'm so sorry yeah yeah every person he sees it's tough i was like you're never gonna get home you're gonna walk by the comic store and then this and that like you're gonna fight the whole fucking city um but i thought we had kind of like kept moving and then I turn around and I got Feidelberg who's loose

and you're always down to throw a couple punches Nicky Bouncer we all forget used to bounce in Iowa at the bar in college yeah it was at a bar that we served dollar whiskies and it was just a full pint glass of whiskey so we used to crack some skulls

yeah we fucked some people up so after that happened he was like dollar whiskeys and it was just a full pint glass of whiskey so let's crack some skulls right yeah we we fuck some people up so i turned around he was like my inner boat is coming out soon that's why i was worried so i turn around and i'm like oh no and and then you are in the middle of all of them i had to protect my best friend my tattoo buddy i wanted wanted to be like, you're too famous to bring. You get out of here. You, no, I need you to be healthy. We have too much money to lose. Nobody's doing this tonight.

Dad mode coming out. We're not fighting on the streets of L.A. right now. Kind of badass, though. Here's the thing. That dude would have lost. Yeah, he was a tiny dude. Brad was pulling like a, no, you don't need this.

This isn't you. You don't like this. You're not like this. You're not like this. You're better than that. Sean Watson gets six games after Calvin Ridley got a fucking year

after other guys. What did Calvin Ridley do? He placed a non-football bet. He had one sports bet. He bet on his own team to win. Oh, it was a football. I thought it was a non-football bet. But anyway, he bet on his own team to win.

And he was hurt, right? He wasn't playing. He wasn't playing. Josh Gordon has been suspended 78 games in his career for weed. Deshaun Watson, making girls finger his asshole, suspended six. Well, you know, he likes to have his asshole massaged during massages. Oh, really? Yeah.

Dude, I have not kept up with this. That is... But he used to, like, ask for it or, like... To massage my asshole? Yeah. Well, the non-consensual part isn't really but i'm laughing it's just someone asking to massage your asshole it's it's like um you know when if you're hooking up with a chick and you kind of do the rollback

she's going down on you and you're trying to get more get that more give her more access let's say you know you're doing that or you know any of those other things to make get that more, give her more access, let's say. You know, you're doing that or, you know, any of those other things to make that more of an accessible activity. I think he was doing

that kind of stuff while getting a massage or just like blatantly being like, do you do that? Now, whether or not he like forced them to or they did it,

but I think he did bring up the b-hole quite often. Good for you, Deshaun. Again, I gotta cut that. I keep forgetting what we're talking about. My man said, good for you, Deshawn. I keep thinking we're talking about fucking having sex.

We're not talking about having sex. No, it's not consensual sex. It's a different thing. Jesus Christ, Deshawn. Get it sex. It's a different thing. But, but. Jesus Christ, John. Get it together. Can we, can we, can we at least say this? Uh, nevermind.

Can we say this? It's a gray area, the massage world. Like where there are happy endings and there are places that you can get your asshole massaged. Yeah. I remember the first time I was at wrath bones with uh a bunch of the people who own wrath bones there's a million of them so it doesn't really narrow it down and i remember um he was talking about going to west garden which is like the spot oh i know it and uh oh i know west garden yeah i mean if you lived around new york you know west garden's

bro i was at i was my first time i was living in the city i was like 21 i had buddies come to the come to the city we were getting drinks it was a sunday we're getting like like we're we're somewhere we get like the powers of beer right i went to the bathroom i came back there was a fucking actual note on the table went to west garden spa be back in there that's great west garden is like when you are a athlete and you come into town to new york city for like the first time as like a rookie or whatever like you know you go to west garden west garden is like i i actually had never gone until i got divorced and i was like everyone's jerking me off let's go i'm i'm i'm as free as a bird. You're jerking me off, too. This is the most depressing handjob of all time.

Awesome. I probably went on a run where I was there too often. Really? Why did you tell me about this, dude? It's not exactly the coolest thing to disclose. You would have gone with me? I would have gone with you. Oh, hell yeah.

I never got whacked off at a massage bar. You haven't? Never. You're not lying right now? You've never got a happy ending? I don't think so. Have you? Me and my friends used to go when we were like 15.

Hell yeah. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this. Hell yeah. No, you were 15. It's all good. There was like a stage in high school where like Sunday morning, the boys would just get together. Sunday.

And you'd all go together? All go together. Long Island or the city? Long Island. And then like to the city. I mean, yeah. Once we got older, we stopped going. But then to the city. I mean, yeah. Once we got older, we stopped going. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Totally good. Yeah, that's when we totally stopped going. You would all go at once? We were going like groups of ten. We were like ten kids fresh coming out of gym class. They're like, I'm so tired of jerking off dicks without hair on them they probably love that

well that's a question like would you rather like a fucking gross old man or an underage but like

I don't know never mind would you guys go and like wait in the waiting room and stuff yeah well we would split up five would sit in the car five would wait in the waiting room And stuff Yeah well we would split up

Five would sit in the car Five would sit in the car I'm dying This is the best story ever Just getting fucking chubbed up Everyone's like slowly Touching their teeth This is so

It felt like an app Where like people put it together The spots where you could go Yeah Like you didn't have to say anything Rubmaps.com bro That's the spot Have you ever talked

To a Glenny about that There's like the whole Like the whole website That it has like a I think you have to like subscribe and then you can get the real info. But it's like five stars, four stars. It has like all these different ratings and shit. I know a guy. He went with his buddies.

It was not 10. I think it was like four. And they called her Mama San, which is funny. They're like, we're going to Mama San. And old chick, old woman. And they all went and all had their turn. And all of them, she fucked all of them except for one. So, like, they were like, man, that was awesome.

Like, we paid, you know, whatever. And, like, she just hopped up on top and started riding me. And he was like, yeah, man, that was cool. And, you know, the guy was like, yeah, that was awesome. We paid whatever. And she just hopped up on top and started riding me. And he was like, yeah, man, that was cool. And the guy was like, yeah, I didn't expect that. And the one guy was like, wait, what? You guys fucked her? What do you mean? And so for this old woman to just, I mean, that would crush my confidence.

If a paid basically prostitute was like, you're only getting a handjob, that sucks. That means your dick or your your body or something about you really really sucks but the the sorry sorry what West Garden I was on the West Garden oh one time I went to West Garden with a chick really and I was thinking like we were gonna do some kinky shit, like all going to be in the room together, you know, and they just gave us massages. It was just a couple's massage. So the whole time I'm kind of, like, waiting for the fun part to start,

and I'm, like, wondering what they're going to do with her, and they were just like, okay, you're done now. And I was like, fuck. I didn't want a massage. It was your first day at West Garden Spa? Yeah. Guess what? Someone's got gotta take care

of my butthole oh the real reason was because of the Rathbones guy the reason I bring it up because I don't even know why I came up

but the guy was saying he was talking about going to Rathbones first or after and I was kind of like oh I don't know man you get like a couple bones burgers in you eat some wings you get like nice and full and then you're all sleepy and

you go and he goes and he was like literally i remember him like kind of picking his teeth and he was like oh no i can't do that because i like the asshole play too much and i was like younger and new to that at that point i was like whoa you said that real casual bro like yeah no because i'm afraid like i got too much ass like god damn dude so so so that's why i bring it all full circle there are places that that is just like that's what's gonna happen here so when you go there it's like when you go to a rest you go to a bar and you say, hey, do you have XYZ on tap? They might. They might not. Go to a massage parlor,

it's like, do you have ass play on tap? Yes or no? Two knuckles? No. God bless the happy ending places. Also, though, if you're at a sports massage at your athletic trainer's place of work, probably not going to get your butt fingered. We had one where we all went like this is a bachelor party in Montreal,

and we all went and everyone's sitting in the waiting room together for like an hour. It was like 4 a.m. We only had one person working, and it was like 4 a.m. There was only one person working. And it was a new room massage spot. And we're like, what the fuck is going on? The buddy in there is a buddy you know. And again, it's like 4 a.m.

So it's late. And just sitting there. Probably four or five of us were just sitting there. How long has it been? Like 40 minutes to an hour. Like a long time. But that's like a? Like 40 minutes to an hour. Okay. Like a long time. Right. But that's like a massage. But like it was 4 a.m.

Right, right. We were supposed to be like, let's get it done and go. Try to take it, let's go. Yeah, yeah. And that's what it was. And he came in, we were like,

when was it taking so long? He comes into the waiting room stark naked, fucking clear coke dick. And he goes, he goes, bro, I ran out of money. Anyone else got some cash?

Cause he'd just been handed another round, another round, another round. Dude. And then she came out afterwards and was like, I'm done for the night.

I'm tired. My arm is done. You're gonna get a dick for 40 minutes. That's great. But goddamn 10, 15 year old going together on sunday morning is so despicable

i fucking love it man what what what like that's that's at the point where you're like i'm still using my allowance money to get jerked off at a parlor like we would spot each other like i don't have it today every week you're talking like you every week this was this one on for a couple months yeah yeah that's that's fucking unreal I mean I legit didn't do it until until I was 30 whatever years old because I was like I don't know I was always kind of like I don't know is that like are you paying for sex is that a hooker is this you know whatever and then I did and i was like okay

that was one of those things like i think whether you're 32 or whether you're 15 when you first go into this world you're like i'm doing this all the time like if i had a free hour i'm i'm getting jerked off uh i just witnessed what i could only describe as a frenzy. A literal frenzy. Maybe the only other place I could understand something like this would maybe be when it's sorority rush day or whatever

they call it or some shit. Girls going absolutely crazy. So Jordan Woodruff who was on last week's episode we talked to her and Alex briefly about OnlyFans. She went ahead and made one and she instantly got 800 subscribers at 30 bucks a pop. Bingo, bingo, bongo. Posting pictures that she said I would show to my own mother. She said she took a selfie at the gym.

She took a picture of her feet and some sandals, and that's about it. She put the feet on the fucking main feed? I think so. Hey, Jordan, come on. This is where it's interesting. That shit's got to be in the DMs for an extra fee. Alex has 5,000 subscribers for free, and she's going to go drop the DMs, the subscribers for free. And she's gonna go drop the DMs. The videos privately.

Jordan is going straight up monthly fee. You know what they should do? Bells. Because people are perverts. And that's where you have to prey upon the perverts without being perverted yourself. I've been preaching the good word

of OnlyFans for two years now and they're finally coming around. You could charge monthly and you could send private videos and you can do all of it with your clothes on and you'll still make all the money in the world because as we've learned, people it's about the chase.

The world is about like, oh, she's almost taking it off or oh, she's almost going to do it or she almost is actually replying. She almost likes me. Whatever it is, you just dangle the carrot. It's what girls have done with pussy forever. You're just doing it on your phone now. You get free drinks at the bar.

You get taken out to dinner. You get taken to Abu Dhabi and shit or Dubai or whatever the fuck. Now you're just doing it on your phone where you're just like, here's a little picture of me. Do you want to pay me money for it? Oh, the next one's going to be great, I swear. You fucking break. You know, people are like, oh, these guys are never going to, like, pay if you don't do anything.

Like, how many times do you guys pay for a date and not get laid? Yeah. It happens all the time. And if that guy stops, a new one slides in. It's just a repeat. You get some repeats. You get some new. You keep making money forever. It's just a repeat. You get some repeats. You get some new. You keep making money forever.

It is interesting. Barstool Sports is a different place today than it was yesterday. Because we now work with sex workers. We work with sex workers. Well, we did that before in the past. But this is a different guy. These are regular people. Regular people turn sex workers who now also are going to make more money.

These are girls gone crazy. We're going wild, wild, wild. No, no, no. We're not girls gone wild because that's dangerous. We're girls gone crazy. We're going to start a new thing called girls gone crazy. Girls gone crazy is already. When girls go wild, they take their tops off.

When girls go crazy, they stab you with blunt objects. It gets bad. Yeah. We already talked about the gaslighting and the girls gone crazy. So this is going to be girls gone. Girls gone. Girls gone. Girls gone sockless. Girls gone sockless.

What it really is is goddamn girls gone entrepreneurial is what it fucking is. That's all that's really going on here. Let's just say girls gone sexy. Sure. But they're not even. Sure. But they're not even. But they're not even.

There's just sockless. Sockless is the most accurate way to describe what's happening. So here's what the frenzy was though Kelly Keegs maybe we should get Kelly in here Kelly Keegs goes like Boom walking past me at a hundred Miles an hour going I'm starting an OnlyFans right now Kevin you should see what

You should see what Jordan just did and I was like what She's like I'm doing it right now when I get back to my desk Like yelling and walking like a million miles An hour she's like Jordan I couldn't understand what she's saying I walk around the corner Jordan is like Nic million miles an hour. She's like, Jordan, I couldn't understand what she's saying. I walk around the corner. Jordan is like nicely organizing her desk. She's like, I got 800

subscribers at $30. You do the math. And I was like, oh my god. So then Kelly... Just so we're clear. What is the math? $24,000. Just to be clear. I've been trying to do it in my head, like trying to pay attention and do math in my head. No, you're not going to do it. I wasn't going to get there. That's not your story. I wasn't going to get there. I've been trying to do it in my head, like trying to pay attention and do math in my head. No, you're not going to. I wasn't going to get there.

That's not your story. I wasn't going to get there. I had to ask for help. So now Kelly is doing it and Jordan, Alex already has hers. And I feel like all the girls were like, fuck this. Because this is what I've been saying all along. I know that you don't want to do any real full-blown porn on your page. But then I also know that there's just a straight-up stigma of having an OnlyFans in general,

where people will go, oh, you're an OnlyFans girl. But the minute that you just take a single, solo, regular selfie, and you see that you just made $24,000, that stigma goes away. And you say, in an instant, bro, in like one night. So when people say to you, you're an OnlyFans girl, and you just say, here she is. I had to get you in, because I said what I witnessed, let's get her a chair,

what I witnessed was a frenzy. You were like, walking past me. I mean, you were walking a hundred miles an hour, you were talking a thousand miles an hour, you were like, I'm getting an OnlyFans right now. I mean, that was... And you started it up, right?

Yes. I think Kelly's going to make even more. I think Kelly is going to make a boatload. He lives to God's ears, boy. So John just said something very interesting. I think it's true for two reasons. He said, Barstool Sports is different today than it was yesterday because of this. The girls are going to go into contract negotiations now and be like, yesterday's price is not today's price.

It's Fat Joe and Jordan Woodruff going into Dave's office, kicking down the door. So I think, yeah, there's a little bit of you guys are basically on the slippery slope to sex work. And also you guys are all going to end up making bank way more than you could just doing your regular work. So then the whole thing throws out of whack. This is like we need the time stone to reverse time and make sure this doesn't happen

because the Barstool Sports model might implode on itself now. What's going to happen is Barstool is an ever-changing ecosystem. And we were a sports company for a while, and then we kind of became more of a pop culture company. We were written word, now we're audio, then video, everything changed. Gambling.

Sex. It is. Porn. Dave Borden is going to go from being a media mogul to a gambling mogul to the world's highest paid pimp. A pimp? No, this is bullshit. He's going to start taking these.

He's going to be like, he's got to get 10%. I've been. God damn it, he does it again! You've been saying it. I've been willing to pimp these hoes for years now. And I told her right now, I said, I will tell you we're perverts, right?

Which is helpful. We'll wait. Before you keep going, I want to explain how this came about. I want to explain how this is a new revelation of the day. Because you're right. You've been talking about OnlyFans for the minute that it came on the scene. I've been saying to everybody, there's gonna be a moment where people I know right now that it's very risqué

but there's gonna come a moment where it's just pretty common and you miss the gold rush. But here's the thing. Right now it's risqué but there are people on there that aren't being that risqué. There is an excuse It's actually trending the other way. Yes. There is an excuse now to get on OnlyFans and for it not to be like porn.

Like I don't have to be having full-blown like anal sex on OnlyFans. I don't have to do that to get all these subscribers. Not even close. And that is what was relayed to me today. I did not know like I knew that Alex Bennett did it. Alex Bennett did the thing about the boxing. She does boxing content, whatever. Jordan

is her co-host. So, okay, well, she's getting some subs. Let me see what's up here. Getting some subs. Getting some subs, which now I've been throwing around subs. Subs a lot. I'm already getting too comfortable. Subs and doms real quick on here.

I'll tell you what. Yeah, which again is going to be my wheelhouse. No doubt. And so that's like what I'm here for. So I think that hearing from Jordan today, who her OnlyFans went live like yesterday, I think, the subscriber money ratio is just something that I can't ignore any longer. Like this is someone who is literally, she sits right behind me.

I know her. I know she's not like, she's definitely not putting up porn. She's definitely not doing shit like that. Her words were, I would send these photos to my mother. Yes, she said that. And so I have some photos that I wouldn't necessarily send to my mother. But I would certainly send to some perverts. You know what I mean?

But I'm not saying I'm going to have porn on my thing. I don't think that's going to be your main moneymaker. Your main moneymaker is going to be, you're going to be in the DMs. I know. That's what I'm excited about. You're going to be selling a half hour a week. That I am fine with. You are going to be big time Fyndom dominating dudes. I'm your goddess and you're my bitch all day long.

The only time that I'm not annoyed about I get that shit in my DMs actually every day. I get 5 to 10 in my DMs every day. 5 to 10 per day? I'm not kidding. Whether it's Instagram or Twitter depends on where I'm more active that day. If I'm more active on one or the other, I will get those DMs. Being, it's actually great. Whether it's Instagram or Twitter depends on like what we're on more active that day. But if I'm more active on one or the other, I will get those DMs.

Being active on OnlyFans. I know. And so I'm like, all right, whatever. So I looked into it. I signed up. That's what I mean. I don't do that. I don't need them to see it.

And my friends know I'm a pervert myself. Everybody that knows me knows that. That's what I'm saying. Everybody that knows me knows that in a real way. They also know that I like have a line. So I'm not going gonna be like putting fucking porn like I have to stress that and I'm mostly saying that

because my mom never fucking sees this from a chick who sees how much money you'll eventually make if you do show a hole or two just saying imagine I'm a millionaire

and I like put my pussy online like what if I do that I would never it's a slippery sound that was such a I would never what if I do that I would never

oh my god I would never imagine if I did that I would never that was you getting drinks with girls being like wouldn't it be. I wouldn't. Oh my God. I would never. Imagine if I did that. I would never. That was you getting drinks with girls being like, wouldn't it be crazy if I fucked someone tonight?

I mean, honestly, my eyes are open to this like new endeavor and I'm about to pay all my fucking bills. Like that's all I'm thinking about right now. I don't care.

Like I have so many weird selfies that I don't post because I'm like, this is weird if my Nana sees it. So I don't post it. That's literally the only reason. You had, that right there

is an OnlyFans pic. I have more photos like that which are better which might have to pop up. That's an OnlyFans picture. That really is. I'm not even kidding. That was the least OnlyFans

of all the photos that were taken of me. What you have to remember, I just said it. You know, you get drunk with your friends and they're like, let's take slutty pictures

of each other. So I have a bunch of slutty pictures that my friends took of me. Thanks for fucked up on a boat. You know what I mean? I'm like, let's take slutty pictures of each other. So I have a bunch of slutty pictures that my friends took. Thanks for fucked up on a boat. You know what I mean? I'm like, let's get those boat pics out. Let's go. Honestly, if you had an album or something, if you said Kelly Keeg's boat pics,

motherfuckers are paying $50 for that. They are. And then it's stuff like that where it's like, oh, that's. My mistake always, and I should have listened to you because you would know, guys are so fucking stupid. They will pay $50 for that. They will pay whatever. And I'm not trying to say, like, don't do it now.

Like, don't be stupid, whatever. Definitely keep doing it. Kelly, think about this. All OnlyFans is is your life as a girl put into a phone. Yeah. Think about a guy will walk up to a set of girls, at least back in the old days. Now, I know it's a lot of fucking dating apps. But at a bar, a guy would walk up, buy an entire round of drinks for girls, who would then take them and walk away. And you'd be like, all right, on to the next one.

And it's like 50 bucks, 100 bucks, $75 here or there. And they would just literally say thank you and blow you off and walk away. That's what this shit is. It's just now on the phone. So they go like, I like Kelly. I'll spend 50 bucks and then I get a picture and then you slide in a DM and say, I think she really likes me. It's like, get the fuck out of here. Oh, I love you.

I love you so much. As soon as you get the feeling that they're like, oh, I'm not paying this again. There was something a little more out of, you know, a little bit crazier. You're already in on it. Like, you're a good manager. Like, you're good.

And you've been wanting to be this. Can I tell you exactly what you should do? Yes. I know exactly what you should already do. All right, tell me. The perfect way. I've got to think about something to post for my first post when I get my link. The perfect way to make a shit ton of money immediately, but also not cross the line too much,

is you just say, I'm trying on all my Halloween costumes. I have so many costumes. That's a really good idea. So many guys. That's a really good idea. That's a concerningly good idea. Have you been thinking about this? I'm ashamed of myself.

Halloween haul. Halloween haul. The Kelly Keegs Halloween haul. Try on, and you just try on and one of what are two of them so much I swear to God

you guys fucking finally now motherfucking time I've been telling my friends this for a long time I'm like listen bitches I'm gonna get rich

one of these days I'm gonna fly us all to a private island this is all happening whatever my friends are like yeah yeah we'll catch you there

I literally text my two best friends I was like hey it, it's time. The revolution is here. Pack your bags, bitches. They're like, we support you in your porn endeavor. I was like, thank you. This is it.

I appreciate that. All you got to do is like, you know, the first one is like the cat and the second one is the, what is the other one? It's cat and devil, right? You wear the cat ears and devil ears. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you have to wear one or two that's a little like whoa

but the rest can be totally normal I have Halloween costumes that I haven't posted on Instagram because they're too slutty I go to a lot of Halloween parties

I dress up a lot for no reason all the time you're walking around your house in fucking robes like you're Cruella DeVille I do I do I literally

I'm not telling you she really is I really am it's so painful it's so painful being this being this like being being this wafery bitch. With Halloween coming, you can not only post them, you can do in the DMs, I'll send you other pictures,

and you can vote which one I'm going to wear and then go to 30 Halloween parties this October. And you can wear them each time. Here, so here's the thing as well. I'm actually, I don't think my first thing should be trying on Halloween. I think that should be something to keep people coming because my concern is, of course, we're getting the initial bump. Right. Everybody wants to see what the fuck I'm up to. I'll throw little things out

there, teasy, whatever, and I'll be degrading people in the DMs. We'll come for that, obviously. So that will keep it rolling. The best in the biz. Nobody better than Kelly. That will keep it rolling. The best in the biz. Nobody better than Kelly. That will keep it rolling. But then, after the first month,

people are going to be like, this bitch isn't going to post a nipple at least. What's going on here? Blah, blah, blah. I need to get that bumped right back up. Well, if you're worried, no nipples, whatever. But I'm going to try on my Halloween costumes now.

It's October. So that's just a really good... Also, I think you'll be... I love this business plan that we're coming up with. I think it'll be a lot lot I think it's probably for everybody it'll be a lot like cops at the end of the month when they gotta hit their quota I guess people sign up at different times

so you don't really know but I think as soon as you see some subscribers drop you're gonna be like here's my pussy like if you saw a big drop off you would be like okay wait I need to do some shit right now to get it right back up

here's another very important puzzle piece to this entire thing is my ego needs to stay where it's at I can't lose confidence in myself during this I'm prepared for an initial wave I'm prepared for an initial dip but after that initial dip I better stay up

because otherwise I don't think there will be much of a dip because as someone who I'm off the OnlyFans. But you were on it hard for a while. I was on it for a while. You were like addicted

to OnlyFans. I was never addicted to OnlyFans. I could stop whatever I want. I don't know. I don't know about that. But it does get ridiculous

when you see it all laid out. You're like, that's an insane amount of money I'm paying for bathing suit pictures. Right, right, right. But it took months for me to be like to have that revelation

yeah so you'll at least get like a three three month cycle that's the other thing you can sell them in like one month is this three months is that a year is that oh my god are you telling me right now that i i can theme each month i can make themes out of this you can do whatever the fuck you want i'm gonna spend the rest of my day planning out you can sell it as like one month is 30 bucks two months is 45 can you do like that yes you can sell a year

for like a hundred dollars and it's like those guys are gonna be paying a hundred dollars each like dude my eyes are like rolling around in my head right now

like I am dollar signs big fucking bird eyes dollar signs only you can just do weird things with your face that people you know yeah

like this on camera you can sell a cross-eyed picture of your face she's got that that hentai fucking face that's true it's true hentai face yeah dumb things like that either eating a fucking ice cream pop there's stuff like that that's what i'm saying here's here's my next question to you guys i have not uh i have not told my mom about any of this she's gonna going to see it on Twitter probably. I can't believe I haven't gotten a text already about it. You are a modern woman. What do I say to my mom?

You need to say. She'll get it. I genuinely think when, I don't know much about Mama Keegan, but the amount of money you're talking about for things that don't cross the line. Like if you said, Mom, I will never do anything like naked or sexual,

but like, you know. I don't plan on it. In the DMs, that's an Indian man I pay. Don't worry about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Indians, I'm not even going to talk about the DMs.

I'm not going to tell her about the DMs. What's very funny is all these girls are going to have to go on Glennie's podcast now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, I said it. I was like, where is Glennie? People go on his podcast

and all their numbers like double. No, I fucking know. Oh, he's like the king. I'm trying to go on his podcast. Glennie, no doubt, is getting, you know, they had that story the other day about like podcast, people paying podcasters to come I fucking know. He's like the king. I'm trying to go on his podcast. No doubt. This is what I want. They had that story the other day about like podcast,

people paying podcasters to come on their show. Yeah. People are paying Glenny 50K to come on the episode. They better be. They should be. I see Glenny just being like,

I just want to see their boobs. And that's how he is. But I've watched a couple of his episodes and he's a great interviewer. He does crazy research on these girls. He's not like perverted. I mean, he is. But he's not showing it. He is, but he does it in a way. He does crazy research on these girls. He's not perverted. I mean, he is, but he's not showing it. I think Lenny is like, he's so

overtly perverted that you are comfortable with it. You're like, ah, Lenny's fine. I'm honestly looking at this whole get up right here with this thing and these. She could show that and guys would be like, oh shit. Content Kim did stop me in my tracks and tell me I look beautiful today. Not to brag. And then I thought, I gotta make money off this somehow. you have to think

about there there like there is the guy who like he's a good-looking guy makes money hooks up a lot like girls come to him he might not be paying money sure there are people out there who are very like are very big fans of you don't have much going who will be like the freaks freaks i love the freaks and i said all the time i'm like the freaks whatever i'm always talking about freaks i i love a freak yeah i just like you know to a certain extent i don't need you like showing up at my fucking house but like i if you're a fucking freak and you're like the kind of guy who pays a billion dollars on only fans all the time it's like all right that's your jam that's your shit i'm not gonna yuck you down like you dude and i don't kink shame here this OnlyFans. My main employer.

Really? Think about the Halloween thing. So after that, you dress up in Christmas outfits. After that, you dress up in Valentine's Day shit. Then after that, we do St. Patrick's Day. You could do a turkey. You're tied up.

Honestly. I can't wait for Kelly to be like, we're doing girl scabs today. We're learning how to tie knots over here. You're going to be in the fucking San Francisco Armory, buddy. Yeah, that's facts. That's facts.

I'm going to watch my back. You only fancy August by November. You're tied up on tables. Yeah. No, no, no. Got away from me. That's why, again, that's why I chose, that's why I'm choosing Kevin as my manager,

not John. I'm much better, baby. I'm like the taxi driver at home alone. Ain't much better over here, kid. I mean, Jackie was on one. Jackie's performance last night was a perfect 10. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Jackie, she was talking in the third person a lot.

She said dog so many times. What's up, dog? What's up, dog? I just want the dogs to have fun. I'm here for the dogs. Happy birthday, dog. But she had a moment where, and I was almost mad at this, where she said that she has not really been her full self around us. She's like, I'm still so intimidated by you guys

that the way I am with my friends is totally different to the way I am now. And I was like, bitch, stop doing that. Be yourself. I understand. What do you understand? I get that feeling. I'm still that way. I'm that way with Dave very much.

Yeah, but that's what I mean. I've made such an effort to not be like Dave in that regard when it comes to co-hosts or employees. Being nervous around us is insane. We regularly say how you're going to be the host of the show soon. But she goes from, I really have not even been myself around you guys, to no more than 10 minutes later, she found a basketball, was using it as a soccer ball from her days on that soccer team when she was 12,

and she was just, like like dribbling it around, bringing it up to people and then pulling it away going, bitch, you thought, Oh, you thought, bitch, you thought just playing soccer with herself.

A few drinks away from being my full self. That's really all it is. We just needed the funniest thing. What do you think the funniest moment of Jackie's night was? I have a clear winner. I think the Kings. Yes. Yeah.

We were at the bar and we just mentioned and we decided we were going to go home and play Kings. Jackie said she had cards. I was the one who pitched Kings.

Jackie's been hyping Kings for two hours. Wait a minute. You hyped Kings at the bar. I brought up Kings. But then you realized at the bar.

But then I, because I was like, I want to play Kings and I was like, well, I don't actually have cards. But I was like, well, somebody will have cards. And then I was like, I want to play Kings. And I was like, well, I don't actually have cards. But I was like, well, somebody will have cards. And then I was like, I know that if I say I don't have cards, you guys are going to be like.

Kill the mood. Are you guys going to be like, we're not going to do that because we don't have cards. So I wanted to get everybody on board. Got it. And then. So imagine that whole pitch. But Jackie, instead of saying I, just was talking to the third person. So Jackie basically promised everybody.

I'm so uncomfortable sitting here. Just sit on the ground. Jackie promised everybody that she had a deck of cards, that we were going to go back to the house and play Kings. We get there and then finally has to admit that she knows she doesn't have cards but was still just George Costanza going to the Hamptons because she thought someone else would have cards and that was still just George Costanza going to the Hamptons because she thought someone else would have cards and that the

dogs would still get to play. Why do you think we just travel with cards? Someone will have cards. To be fair, downstairs in my room in the basement is a game chest. Oh yeah, there probably are cards. But there wasn't. I checked. There's Scrabble, there's Jenga, there's a whole bunch of other shit, but not

a deck of cards to be found. So Jackie was going like, Jackie knew that Jackie didn't. I checked. There's Scrabble, there's Jenga, there's a whole bunch of other shit, but not a deck of cards to be found. So Jackie was going like, Jackie knew that Jackie didn't have any cards. Jackie said that we played Kings, but Jackie thought that somebody else would have cards. Jackie was wrong. Guys, Jackie's known for about three hours that Jackie didn't have cards. Jackie didn't know how to come to me.

She is the best. She's the absolute best. How about this? An interesting thing. Jackie packed insanely light for her week competing in Barstool HQ for Survivor. And within two days, she said she didn't have underwear. Yeah. What?

You guys were wearing two pairs of underwear? I thought that I did, but I guess she didn't have underwear. Yeah. What? You guys were wearing two pairs of underwear? I thought that I did, but I guess I didn't. And then she said, like, you guys made a promise. You guys made a promise on the air that if anybody ever said, I need underwear, that you would go and get it. And I was like, I don't know if this promise holds true. I don't think I can go get you underwear. I think that would be against Better Business Bureau.

I think that would be against... It would be creepy if I went and bought you fucking underwear. Imagine that. But I did. I made a promise. I didn't say to any guy out there who said boxers. I said, if anyone ever says, I'm in a jam and I need underwear, no questions asked.

I should have just texted. I should have just seen what you got. Would you have gotten Jackie underwear? Mm. Yeah? What would you have gotten? It would have been like granny panties. Yeah. I was saying I would go get her like comical, like huge underwear. Yeah, I'm not going to. If you came back

with like a thong for Jackie, that would be weird. Yes, for sure. No, I wouldn't get you underwear. I'd get you underpants. Yeah, I'd get you blooming. I think it's equally weird. No, it's definitely weird if we came back and had anything that could be considered like sexy. But I think it's also weird to be like, here you go, girl.

Here are some fucking bloomers. Yeah. I think I would get you boxers. Yeah. I think I would get you boxer briefs and be like, here are just like guys boxer briefs. That probably would be the best move. Yeah. It's got a little bit of a dick pouch, but deal with it.

Here are my manscaped boxers. I'd go to Victoria's Secret just to talk to the ladies working there. Let me present the scenario to you. Who's this for? Co-worker. You're getting them why?

She's just living at the office and forgot her underpants. The questions that you have to try to uh to answer uh when you're talking about some barstool scenarios sometimes yeah it's like don't even just don't even bother man you're not gonna get it you're not gonna get first because i walked into like the the like breakfast spot that i always go in and i like got like i I had my bags and everything, and they were like, oh, where are you going? I was like, oh, I'm actually living in the office. And as soon as they said that, I was like, it's a long story.

It's a whole thing. It's a whole fucking thing. So it's just us going solo today. We'll have our voicemails. We'll go through some one minute man topics as well um but i want i want to say before we move on any further i was on the absolute perfect amount of mushrooms last night oh yes you were dude i you were on the most perfect amount of mushrooms for everyone else who weren't was not on mushrooms like you

were making you the the things you would you would at, and then we'd be laughing at that. You know when you laugh and you kind of repeat the joke that was just said? Yeah, yeah. We were laughing about something, and then you would repeat a different joke and kick up the laughter about that. And then it was just like one big rolling laugh the whole time. You guys were in bed. I think it was just like one big rolling laugh the whole time. You guys were in bed. It's just, I think it's just Pav's up. But I saw like a man in the tennis court.

And I was laughing at this man. It's just like in the cracks of the tennis court. It looked like there's like a man. And I was just standing there staring at it, laughing so incredibly hard. Well, I remember that very tennis court when I was on mushrooms, I was just looking at the light. Yeah. And I remember someone, I was like, I don't think the mushrooms has kicked in. And I was just staring at a light and I was like, yes, they have.

Yes, they have. But wait, you say you saw a man in the cracks of the ground. What about the fucking human girl that was at your house last night? Yeah, do you remember that? Wait. There was a girl at the door. It was when you were showing me my room. There was a girl at the front door that ran away.

Yo, that was real? That was real. I thought that was the mushroom. Dog, that was real. That was very real. Who was that girl? I have no idea. What?

That was real? Yes. That was real. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Yeah, he told me this morning, and I was like, and he kind of just said it like, he definitely was like, it was weird and scary, but I was kind of like, he just kind of at the same time just told it like, hey, you know what was a weird thing at the end of the night?

I was like, who was the girl? Who was the girl? And why was she running away? Like, it's not like a, I mean, your neighbors aren't like miles away by any means, but it's also not just like a, hey, that was Stacy from next door. You're separate.

We don't know the neighbors. They're not just coming to my fucking house. No. Who the fuck was that girl? I thought for sure that was the mushroom. No, that was very real.

You were on mushrooms too. I was. We're sure it was real? I'm sure. We wouldn't both see... No, yeah. Same hallucination? That would be some mushrooms.

White shirt, pink on it. I honestly just saw, like, I saw, like, I saw. She was outside or inside? Outside. No, no, she was outside. Oh, she was outside. I thought I heard a door close. I mean, it might have been, like, she thought she was at the right place.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do that in college. I accidentally went to the wrong house. We don't think it was any of your sister's friends? Because we did kind of have, like, a full house here, no? Or did they not stay here? They never came back. Oh, okay, yeah. I do that in college. I accidentally went to the wrong house. No, we don't think it was any of your sister's friends, because we did kind of have a full house here, no? Or did they not stay here? They never came back.

Yeah. Oh, okay. Weird. We left them at the bar. Bro, that's when we did close the door. They did. Now that you say that. Huh?

Yeah, they did close the door. I remember that now. Bro. Yeah. She was in the house. You don't have one of those ring doorbells, do you? No. Sponsor us, bro.

You got to get that SimpliSafe going. Yeah. Holy moly. I actually like the, my parents aren't camera people. I hate that. You go to someone's house now

and it's like, we have cameras in every room. Bro, I go to a bathroom in someone's house and I'm like, I can't even jerk off in here with a camera. I kind of want to jerk off

in the shower, but I bet they're watching. That's, yeah, the camera's everywhere. It kind of weirded me out because you know what's... I hang out with my buddy. He has a kid and he's like a fucking

in the military and shit like that. So he's like, everything's on high alert kind of deal. But I'll hang out with him and his phone just constantly getting push notifications of just motion going in other rooms. Bro, you're at the bar. Why do you need to know who just moved in your living room? You have a family.

You have your family members. The need for fucking information in this world is absolutely bananas. I know kids that are still 23 years old, their phones are tracked by their parents, so every time they walk out of a door, their parents get a notification. I don't know what it's called. Walk out of a door? Walk out of a door. It gets a sensor when you leave a door. Bro, I gotta say, I think we're moving too past

this girl. Let's go back to the girl. There's just a woman in my house. Well, no, no, no. Even worse, a girl. Like, how old? She was like, if anything, early 20s. That's why I wasn't that scared. I was like, I think we can take her. Oh, I thought it was like a young girl.

To me, there's nothing. The two scariest things, whether you're talking about movies or real life or whatever. Little girls and old women are the scariest shit. I don't know if she was walking away when I saw her. I didn't, yeah. Yeah, let's find out if any of them came back to the house. They forgot something. They were, but they ran away.

If it was one of her friends, she'd be like, hey, what's up? Yo, I got a question for you. Did any of your friends come back to the house last night? Last night? Yeah. After I left, that was it. Fuck. No one came back.

Well, we came back to drop Nicole off at her car. Did anybody come to the house? I don't, we didn't come into the house though, no. There was a girl in the house last night. What? There was a girl in the house last night there was a girl in the house last night no no john thought it was uh the mushrooms it was real me and me and nick just like realized it was real like i thought i thought i was like thought I was hallucinating or whatever. And there was a girl.

What did you say she was in, Nick? She was in a white shirt? Yeah, I think it was a white shirt with some pink on it. She was walking away. But as soon as they saw her, they heard a door close and then ran away. It was at the front door. That's crazy. I don't even think I did it.

Nicole had a white shirt on, she i i saw her get in her car and drive away so she didn't come into the house yeah man creepy girl it's very bizarre that's strange where are you by the way are you in the house are you in the house right now what's your favorite scary movie oh okay all right i was right. I was just checking. All right. I hope she doesn't come back. Okay, bye. What if you guys are haunted? What if you guys are haunted? Dude.

Dude, that was fucking real. What if a little girl drowned here on this dock? You just thought it was the mushrooms. Nick was like, we wouldn't have seen the same thing.

What if a little girl drowned here on the dock eight years ago? She was 12 years old and now it's now she's 20 and this 20 year old girl who haunts your house i mean and polly sees her and just goes get the fuck out there's there's every possibility that's the case there's every possibility that's true crazy i'm starting to believe that kind of shit more and more and more are you yeah i saw one last night and I still don't believe it. Yeah.

He texted me yesterday morning that he's like, because we were at a wedding and we just got really fucked up. And he texted me yesterday morning and he was like, hey, I really think I'm going to quit drinking. Like, it's too bad now.

Like, we stopped drinking on Sunday. It's Tuesday. I'm still not feeling great. Yeah. And then, within six hours, he texted me,

you want to go to London this weekend for the Liverpool game? And I haven't said no yet. Oh, you're going. No, I was telling Nick that if I was supposed to go home to see my nephew and stuff like that, and if I wasn't going to do that, I would go. And I'm still not 100% out, but I still also have those flights to London

that I have to spend. You're going. I'm just talking to myself. Stop fucking pretending. I said, by the end of this podcast, John those flights to London that I have to spend. You're going. I'm just talking to myself. Stop fucking pretending. I said, by the end of this podcast, John's going to London. Yeah, I mean, let's just, Tommy will come in here. You're going to London. I mean, look at the little twinkle in his eye.

He's fucking going. I honestly don't think I am, but I want to. No, because here's what's, the only thing holding you back right now is that it's your nephew. Yes. But you're also going to come to this realization where it's like, because here's what's... The only thing holding you back right now is that it's your nephew. Yes. But you're also going to come to this realization where it's like, that baby's so young.

He doesn't even know me. It would just be for me really to see the baby. Oh, I'm doing it for my mom and my sister. Yeah, that's what I mean. And then so it's like, I'll come home

like the next weekend, guys. Yeah. So what's the point of living this life if you don't just go to London and go to the fucking Liverpool? I'm going to tell him. I'm going to tell him maybe.

Just jump to the fucking... Why do we do this?. Just jump to the fucking VIP tickets to Liverpool, man. Come on. You're knowing. He's got the tickets already? Oh, you're definitely going then. I thought it was like let's buy tickets and go. No, he forgot he had them. He's like, fuck, I forgot I have Liverpool tickets.

Let me catch up to speed. This clown's going to London this weekend, and he's trying to pretend like he's not. He's fucking going. His buddy tried to quit drinking. Within six hours, he texts him, oh, wait, never mind. I've got VIP tickets to Liverpool. You want to go to London this weekend and he's trying to pretend like he's not. He's fucking going. His buddy tried to quit drinking. Within six hours he texts him, oh wait, never mind, I've got VIP tickets to Liverpool. You want to go to London this weekend? And John's like, ah, maybe. You're going.

For what? Just be honest with yourself. For a fucking Liverpool game. I'm trying to be honest with you. I don't want to go. Oh, that's such a fucking lie. I want to go. I don't want to be the guy who goes. You don't want to disappoint your mom and your sister. I don't want to be the person I am. I'd fucking rather do that.

The only thing that can stop you from going is focusing on the hangover in the... You think you were bad this week? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're halfway around the world, what did I just do?

If you go to Liverpool, you won't be back until next weekend. The following weekend. You just do the episodes from London. What's your problem? I'm fucking lost. Okay, so he went to a wedding this weekend. This is a good topic to have you guys on for. I think specifically you.

Fuck you guys. I did fucking something. This is also 100% the wrong. Nobody doesn't get hangover depression like this guy. He doesn't even understand what you're talking. He genuinely does not. Dude, I swear to God, it is the most frustrating thing in the world. You get dark, right?

Oh, I get dark for weeks. He's in a cave underneath his bed. He goes underground like a fucking hobbit. Dude, he, nobody. You just bounce back? 100%. More than bounces back. But like you.

I get better. I get stronger. If you have to like work it out or like you just, your hangover's not good. No, I have to work out in the morning. That's it. I just sweat. You just have like discipline and you get fucked up. Listen, it takes decades of training to get to this fucking level.

I don't know. You got to earn it. Yesterday I was so bad that I was doing – I was getting up and I was doing 10 push-ups and I was getting back in bed. And then I would like will myself to get up and do 10 more push-ups. Yesterday we did our – we did an interview and then we had to do our fucking like trivia show that we do here and that kept getting pushed back and he just sat with his head on the microphone

and he would go and he would take a pill and then so the next day I come in and I'm doing an ad read and I was going to take a swig of whiskey for it and I'm like

this one's not opened I was like this one's not opened I was like where's the open one that was like full to here and everyone was like well John dragged that

so he was just sitting the whole like not the whole bottle but like it was three quarters it was three quarters of a bottle was this the cure of previous habits

yes and that backfired so that was Monday and then yesterday was the day I didn't drink he went to a wedding that was like

a four day fucking royal wedding affair where a guitar who the fuck has four day weddings it was in Sea Island Georgia

it was a private island there was a you know how you show up on like Friday and there's like a happy hour there was a tennis tournament tennis match tournament I up on Friday and there's a happy hour? There was a tennis tournament.

Tennis match tournament. I don't even know what they're called. I've never heard of that. How white are these people? Super. I went and said hi to the tennis tournament and then we went right to the bar. That was at like, I don't know, 9.30 a.m. It was every day, like 9.30 to 4 a.m. drinking.

Big time drinking, big time hangovers afterwards to the point that a few of the group were like i mean at this time man i think i gotta take a step back but then this the same guy that said that also was like wait a minute i forgot i have vip tickets to london uh to liverpool you want to go to london he also his his sister just had a baby so he's supposed to go home and see the baby i'm telling you this right now i think i'm thinking back to the we're talking what a few weeks old uh yeah i would say yeah like it's so stupid then like it's just it's stupid you're just feeding them and putting them to bed and like there's no play so you have covid just bring back just bring back a baby liverpool jersey Yeah. I'm genuinely thinking that. I mean, I'm a dude, so whatever.

But if I'm just thinking. I'm just going to text, did you sell those tickets yet? Because he asked me. I was like, dude, I don't think I can do it. If you were to text your mom and sister, like, some shit has come up, but I'll come. I can't come this weekend. I think they'd be like, okay, fine.

Oh, they would 1,000% be, but I just don't want to be here's what's gonna happen we're gonna do the podcast my mom called me on the cab on the way here i didn't answer i'm gonna call her on the way home and i'm gonna say i think i'm gonna go to london and she's gonna go that sounds great yes so you can say i didn't even know you were coming home this right so then we're done you're going bro i just want to tell you man there's gonna come where, well, maybe there won't come a time. I don't know. But think about for other people, there's a time, their life, you can't just pick up and go to fucking London.

Yeah, I know. As much as you hate how much this song is fucking amazing. Have you been to London before? Never before. All right. Well, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, hold on. Hold on. This is an emergency.

Is this the strip club? The strip clubs are extremely dangerous. I'm telling you. What happened? Dude. I can't. I can't. Shane and I, we went, we saw Dave Chappelle live.

We met Chappelle, hung out with Chappelle, greatest night ever. Should have just gone home, right? We leave the theater. That's funny because I've heard that story, but you didn't tell me the rest of it yeah yeah you left off like magical night we spoke to blow on the alley that was it then then there was just a guy in a rickshaw outside of the theater and uh i'm like yo thank you this guy's just like let's go like we'll go to the strip club and shane's like let's not do this. And I'm like, come on, man. Let's see what it's like. Dude, they literally like, it's like you get sucked in.

They throw you at a table. They start just doing coke off their tits. I swear to God, in less than three minutes. You're like, you don't even know what's happening. They have big British titties, too. England is a big-time titty world. They have no ass, but they got tits. I swear to God, in 30 minutes, Shane and I had racked up like a $2,000 bill. And we were like, what the fuck is happening?

Well, you're not paying for all that. You don't realize it, right? Your face is in their tits, but it's like. It's a brilliant marketing. You're paying for that gold. Dude. One time I got a lap dance for like six straight songs, but they were like quarter songs. Doesn't matter.

Start and finish matter start and finish start and finish you owe me like 350 I'm telling you you know what for what it was like

a minute and a half of a song this was like you walk into the bar and three girls came up to each of us first of all they separated us

it was like dude they were moving like navy seals they were just like they grabbed us we wound up both at different tables.

It was like, what the fuck? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Help! And then the matter, who helped him? He literally was, that's exactly what he was like.

He doesn't even do comedy. He's doing ketamine on some black girl. And then, I've never tried this shit before, help me! Dude, I swear to God,

like, all of a sudden, the girls were just like, yeah, that's 750 pounds. And I was like, wait, what? No. This is when pounds were like three times the dollar. And then the meanest madam in the world came around and just browbeat us until we paid up. Dude, it was horrific.

That sounds exactly like what you two would get to do. I'm just saying. Knowing the guy he's going with has has been a part of this pot he should he should just be a part of the show yeah he is such a wild one uh he he he emptied his 401k to go to vegas one time just has like a 25 year old kid just for no fucking reason the guy on the phone was like are you sure you want to do this like you're gonna pay like you know a 75 penalty you're gonna lose like everything you've ever earned for it ended up being for like three grand to get to vegas yeah and he goes well if you're gonna do this i fire you as my client and then his accountant

fired nah i'm doing it his accountant fired him like i will no longer do your books because you're so stupid he's that kind of guy so you go to london with him you're gonna end up like that in a fucking rickshaw Dude there was one time He called me He called me on like A Tuesday morning At like 9 30 in the morning And like you answer that call

Cause what the fuck else Like it's gotta be Something important And he's like bro I just got fucking fired And I was like no shit Like what happened He's like I don't know

Some shit about me Never coming in dress code Not coming on time And my number's not being good And my expense account Being too high And I was like so I don't know. Some shit about me never coming in dress code, not coming on time, my numbers not being good, and my expense account being too high. Wait, what was your number? Every single thing.

Do you remember? His expense account number was a comically over number. He worked at a very big national company, and he had the second largest expense account in the country. It was like the CEO, then him. A mid-level employee. You gotta spend money to make money. He just kept golfing. During COVID, he just

kept golfing. So he just kept going out and he was the only guy left who was still on the golf course paying. So he just kept racking it up. Everybody was like, it's business. It's business. You'll for sure I text him did you sell the tickets

He goes not yet Why Open the Delta app Nobody knows his voice Did you look up flights I have not looked up flights But I have a lot of Miles

Tickets from a cancelled COVID That I have to spend It's free When is it? This weekend So I have to leave Friday Bell cancelled luckily Who's next weekend I go with you

Yo what up I'll fire you Yes he has Fire me as the co-host You're going to London You want to do a little day trip to London I've had a thing before. Yes, yes, he has, Brez. He has. You're going to London. You want to do a little day trip to London and see this game? Yeah. Not even a day trip.

Make it a whole weekend. We've got to do a weekend if we're going to do it. I mean, totally, dude. I literally just flew back into San Francisco right today, so I can hop on a flight Friday and get to New York and get to London. He's going to go San Fran to New York and London for a day. I got to make one more call. I'm on the podcast right now. We're talking about it.

Everyone's like, you're a fuckity. Of course you're going to this. What other call do you have to make? I got to call my mommy. And I got to like, fuck that. I was kidding. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission. No, it's actually that he has to ask for money because his mom controls his money too. Really?

I'm going to give you a shout in like three hours. I will have an official answer then, but boy, I think we're going to London, baby. That's so funny. Mom, I got to liquidate some assets. How much do I got left in my cocaine budget? Okay, wait, no, don't buy it yet because I think I have enough to cover our flights from New York. I think I have

like a shitload of miles that I have to spend by December 31st. So let me check that first. Alright, I'll catch you later. What's going on KFC Radio gang? Hope everyone's doing well. Hope you guys enjoyed the trip to Vegas. Had a great time, stuff like that.

Nope. Not even close. You know, I just sit here every day and smoke weed and think stupid shit. And I was, you know, staring at the ceiling like normal. And I came up with a good question. I thought, you know, I think it's a good question. We gonna find out um you know we'll see if nick even i'm guarantee it's up there we'll see if you guys fucking roast the shit out of me you know whatever it may be but um what would what would my life be if i was the opposite sex so like would would i be further

in life would i be happier would i be fatter would fatter? Would I give a fuck about the way I look? Would I suck a bunch of dick? Would I use my titties to get jobs that I wouldn't really be qualified for? Stuff like that. What do you guys think? Do you guys have any issues in your current life that might be easier if you were the opposite sex? Could you foresee any issues or any problems? Stuff like that. Would the

podcast be as popular? I'm just thinking. You know what I'm saying? I'd also love to hear what everyone else has to say. Jackie included. If we were girls, we would have been Call Her Daddy before Call Her Daddy. Oh, just two big clitted hoes chatting up?

Peace out. We would be the... We would be... Bro, you know we'd have fat clits. We would be... Oh, I'd have the fattest. Bro. No, you'd have the fattest.

I'd have a fucking dick. Your clit would be bigger than your dick is right now. My clit would be so big, guys. Like, you got a cock on you? Big clits. Weird. We would be so big guys like you got a cock on you big let's weird uh we would be call her daddy for the uggos you know we would be like this is call her daddy chicks you know when you're jerking off your clit dude that's gross i know i'm gonna keep i'm gonna keep saying my big clit that is it is um i'll tell you one thing I know for sure

If you're watching on YouTube right now John is furiously jerking off a tiny clit I love I fucking love nothing more than Nosedive in the show This is the moment of the program I fucking love nothing more than nose diving this show. Like, this is the moment of the program where, like, if someone were about to buy, like, a sponsor was about to buy in,

they'd be like, nope, not anymore. Not anymore. John torpedoed it again today. That big clitted woman with the cigarette voice ruined it. You watch KC Radio? No, it's Alan. It's the one with the guy and the girl with the big clit. I want a clit the size of a fucking thumb,

and I want lips the size of my ass cheeks. Oh, God. Jackie, do you and your girlfriends ever compare pussies? Yeah. Yeah, right? I feel like every group of girls that I know have at some point been like, let me see yours. I'll show you mine to just find out if you're weird or not.

See, here's the time. Stephanie, your clit is so fucking big. That's the problem. Every time I've heard this story, I've heard it three times. That's not a lot, but it's kind of a lot when you think about the sample size of life. Every group of girls has done it and been relieved. That can't be real there's no way that every group of girls that does this all feel good about their pussies or like or actually have nice pussies like everybody might feel good they walk away because it's like oh wow jackie yours is

great and so is yours and yours we all have it's all different but they're all right? And then they walk away and there's a group text and they're like, we're all in agreement that Samantha's ugly though, right? And Samantha's like going like, oh, I have a good pussy. And all the other four friends are like, that chick's clit is huge. We're just not telling her. I was going to say, if every girl walks over and leaves, I've had sex with a lot of girls who never did this. But it's a lot like the quote in Rounders.

Like, if you can't spot the sucker, the first 30 minutes you are. It's like, if no one else is talking about how weird their pussy is, you've got the weird pussy. I've only ever compared with, like, two of my friends. I don't think I've ever compared with a big group. I feel like that's something you do tight with, like, the close ones. Like, if you're just like bending over orientation yeah yeah you're not you're not doing that for the whole world to see uh but yeah i i have to imagine that there are girls going like yeah absolutely like the whole shebang it's like dude but don't

like there's gotta be girls that's that's good i wish i had chick confidence to show your ass that is weird. Like, that they all have no problem doing it. Like, I would never just be like, yo. Yeah. I hope we've literally done that right here. But whatever. We'll, like, shave each other's smiles.

You've shaved each other's assholes? Sometimes. What? On special nights. On special nights where it's like, we've got to really make sure this is on point. Yeah. How does, how, okay. The kids' table is on fire today What's the logistics Like you hop on your hands and knees

Put away from the mic Oh sorry You hop on the hands and knees And they go razor blade to spokes Yeah I mean just bend over Is there anybody Is there like a spread going about?

You or they? There's a spreader and a shaver? Or they're all one? It's a three-team deal. You got a spreader going now. I was thinking you got to go. I'm trying to think. I guess I have pictures.

I'm not going to show them. I'm just like. OnlyFans. Because here's what I'm thinking he's right someone's got to spread you want some pre-shaved butthole shots

no I said yeah no I spread so you spread but then but then if you're hands and knees but you gotta spread I don't know man

I don't know I can't believe you guys shave your each other's assholes I'd have to imagine that's something you can get done yourself. But I don't know.

I mean, I applaud it because it's like we've really got to make sure this one's on point. Yeah, you just have to make sure sometimes. Yeah, just make sure you get that extra. Wow. Wow. Yeah. You want to talk about domino effect with that meme? Yeah.

That guy gets high and stares at the ceiling. Jackie and her friend shave each other's assholes. What was his question? How would life be as the opposite sex? Oh, it's still one of my favorite tweets of all time. Basically, this question gets asked. Men say, I'd just play with my boobies and figure myself all day. And women say, I'd run at night with headphones in front of my face.

I wouldn't worry about being raped 24-7. I wouldn't carry my keys through a fucking garage. I would go, because I'd have a big clit and fat lips, I'd be like, I'd be like a fucking, I'd be a burly chick. I'd be a bull dyke for sure.

I'd be a barrel chested bull. Yeah. And so I'd like go around looking for fights. I'd start like a female fight club. You would be Miss Trunchbull. Yeah. You ever heard of her? That's you.

For sure. With a fucking clit dick. Yeah. Dick clit. Just... You would absolutely be wearing a ton of women's underwear, obviously. You'd love every day. It's a dream.

You'd be like, now I can wear this normally? I'm not even weird if I do this? Hell yeah. Just check out my underwear. That's what a small underwear's been about this whole time. No, I'm just stretching. I did fight once during the Elber Posse interview, though. I fought twice during this one.

I said it. I said 18, 19. You're right at 18. 18, 19. 20 would be it. I think 20. I said 18, 19. You're right. You're right at 18. No, 18, 19. So 20 would be nice. Give us 20. Give us 20. I think it's...

Next up. I think it's more... Hey, guys. I heard that. I do. God damn. My girlfriend has seen the TikToks of the girls walking in on their boyfriends playing video games. Wait, stop.

Stop. What did you say? I can't even focus. I know it must be funny because you whispered it like that. What did you say? It's right in my ears. That's just a little treat for me to listen to. No!

You're going to have to fucking listen to this episode now. Yeah, don't tell me. I actually want to listen and fucking figure it out. You just went... Nick is fucking cackling over there. All right, run it back one more time. It's another edition of KFC Radio

on the Barstool Sports Network. We are in Denver, Colorado, the Sunshine State. It is. It is. It's very nice. There's mountains,

sort of. Yeah, well, they're out there. There's mountains out there. Yeah. Enough of the fucking dilly-dally. I got something to say. I got sick on the plane last night. It was...

Literally mid-flight. Got on it. It was good. Mid-flight. It was like a reverse superhero thing. I felt it start in my head and course through my veins. And I was like, there's no way this is me getting sick. Because I can feel it going through my whole body. we were over ohio i knew where we were i was like

i bet sandusky i bet i was like i hate this route i'm gonna get sick and that's what ohio does to you it's just like oozing shit up into the sky it was terrible and i've been sick i came home last night we got to the hotel i took advil PM, slept all day. Slept all night, slept all day. Side note, inhaled short ribs. Yeah, but this isn't food poisoning. Okay. But just for, you know, to paint the full picture, we were served in first class, we were

served a burrata ball that was frozen. Which I avoided. I didn't do that. I ate that. It was cold as shit. It was like eating burrata ice cream, basically. Which is fine with me. Shout out burrata gang shout out chief uh and then the this uh hunk of short ribs that it was fire it was good but you know anytime you inhale a airline meal in under 90 seconds to the point that the stewardess comes back and says you guys are already done with that it was they were coming They were about to start the drink service, and our plates were clean.

She's like, wait, are you done? We're like, yeah, we're done. The judgment. I didn't have my company pay for a first class ticket to be judged on your plane, madam. I got her back later. I farted on her face. Somebody was farting on that plane, and I'm pretty sure it was you. No, I didn't fart on her face.

I farted, and then she put her face in my mouth. Well, that's her fault then. Remember when she bent down to get the water bottles? I was like, no, no, I'll get it. I had't fart in her face. I farted, then she put her face in my mouth. Well, that's her fault. Remember when she bent down to get the water bottles? I was like, no, no, I'll get it. I'll get it. I had just farted. John lit up that cabin a couple times because one time I smelled it, and I was like, I've smelled this brand before.

And then another time, it was when someone else had just got out of the bathroom, and I was like, oh, maybe that's just a stinky bathroom. You open it up, and it wafts out like a port-a-potty. And I think it was John again, so congrats. You smell like a port-a-potty. It wasn't that many f again. So congrats. You smell like a port-a-potty. It wasn't that many farts, but the farts were noticeable. There were three. There were three.

There were three farts. I knew it. There were three times where I was like, and just thinking about all that being circulated all the way back to that dumb bitch Jackie who was sitting in the last row. Everybody got a taste of Feidelberg. Yuck.

So continue. So today I was laying low. We got a show tonight. I was just like napping. I was going to consider working out and sweating it out, but I just don't have the energy for that. And the whole gang goes to lunch. There's a group text. Hey, let's go get lunch here. I was like, look, I'm not going to make

it. So I text Kevin on the side and Kevin actually might even ask. No, no, I think I texted you. I was like, can you grab me a sandwich? And Kevin says, yeah, absolutely. And then he sent me the menu about 20 minutes later i probably responded to it 20 minutes after that because i was in and out of consciousness as i said and i looked at the menu quite the menu 17 page menu uh it was like a cheesecake factory yeah it's a diner type spot yeah and i i say to kevin kevin tells me that there's chili and he knows i'm a big chili guy so kevin says uh there's

chili on the menu too and i I went, oh, dope. Let me get a French dip sandwich. And you know what? Throw in a chili too. But then because I'm sick, I noticed chicken soup on the menu. And I went, you know what? Make it a chicken soup instead.

And this motherfucker dropped the French dip sandwich and brought me back two soups. I said to him, in addition to or just the soup? I meant like just the soup. Dude, here's this text. This is on you. This is not on me.

I literally said in addition to. I've texted multiple people being like, I'm not the crazy one here, right? And everyone's like, no, he's a fucking lunatic to show up to a hotel. I said in addition to.

And I want to be clear about something. I want to be clear about something. It was a very nice gesture. This isn't taken away from that. I said in it. Because I literally was like, I don't know if he wants everything. He said, get me a French dip soup and then he said, you know what? Just make it a chicken soup.

I said, actually, you know what? A chicken soup, please. Of course, I would mean switch the fucking soups out. When a sick person says, you know what? Just get soup. You think a sick person wants to down a fucking fat roast beef sandwich right now? Or he came to his senses and said, you know what? Get me chicken soup.

And then me, being the smart person that I am, thinking, well, a normal person would maybe just want chicken soup. But John is a fucking dumpster garbage disposal. So let me clarify. No, I wanted a soup and sandwich for lunch. This is a completely normal order. I said it. I'm going to read it. I'm going to read it.

No matter what your order is, when someone says in addition to or just the soup and you say the soup, then I'm going to drop the first half of the order. I thought it was exceptionally clear. I'm going to read it for you verbatim. They got chili here if you'd like. I said, sheesh, that's a menu. I'll do a chicken dip, please, if you guys are still there. Might as well rip a chili, too. Very quickly.

Oh, in the same minute. Actually, you know what? A chicken noodle soup, please. You said in addition or just a soup. I went just a soup. Thinking you meant. Thinking you meant. No, I mean, that's it.

No. Thinking you meant. Obviously, I thought you meant like two soups and a sandwich. I mean, no. Swap the soups. No. Swap the soups. If you had said to me, I want a French dip and a chili.

And then you said, no, no, never mind. A French dip and a chicken soup. Then it would be a different story. You went from the sandwich and the soup to saying, in a separate text, I want chicken noodle soup, so I clarified, and you said just the soup. But then you brought

two soups. I could see if you... I brought my leftover chili. Oh, that's why it was cold. I was trying to also... Didn't mention that. Well, it was in a... and that's a whole other thing if you just brought just the soup

I would be like okay I see I fucked it up but you when I took out the chili I was like this is a weird looking chicken soup that's alright

I'll start with a French bib and then I got in there and I was like well that's a normal looking chicken soup so what the fuck is that he brought me a chili and a chicken soup

he got me a two soup lunch that's crazy town we go to the place and Colorado's in one of the I was was kind of like, what is Colorado food? We're remarkably more in the middle of the country than I realized. I thought of it as north. It's pretty middle. Pretty middle.

And I'm like, the next town down, next state down is Arizona. And I was like, maybe there's like Tex-Mex vibe. I didn't know what the food is here. And then I see a lot of chili talk. They have bison burgers and they got chili so I look at their chili menu they have a cup a bowl

a pint a quart and a gallon I saw all those shows that's why it overwhelmed me you know just chicken soup because I didn't want to they had different flavors of chili I was like that's all too much just a chicken soup so I so I went with the pint with the with the idea of bringing different flavors of chili i was like that's it's all too much just a chicken soup so i uh so i went with the pint with the with the idea of bringing stuff back which i then graciously

gave to my friend john who i thought likes chili i so i order a pint of chili now so i'm just sharing soups with you now yeah pretty much yo i'm not the sick one sharing soups you're an animal you sharing wet food like a puppy no to be fair i was putting it on two tortillas okay so i wasn't like so let me show you and maybe i'm crazy because we are in a in a restaurant and we're not just like at home but like i order a pint of something i'm kind of expecting like a pint like a ice cream pint almost you know i'm expecting one of those clear things it was a big ass bowl it was just no not i wish i took a it was like the flattest plate it was like those really shallow wide ass plates that's like kind of a bowl you're

kind of like scooping it you almost gotta use like an angle it like what are those plates about in the first place what are those good for i i you can't really serve a soup you can't even and maybe maybe maybe chili but i don't know i didn't like that either because i'm like scraping the bottom those clear taller plastic containers so then yes yes or even just like a almost like a uh you know like chinese food does it sometimes they have the plastic one or they have like a uh i guess it's more what the ice cream is in, that cardboard with the lip on the top. But I was like, all right, maybe, yeah, it won't be like that, but it will be maybe something similar. They gave me this wide-ass plate. And then when I said I need a chicken noodle soup to go, not with a fucking French dip sandwich because he didn't say in addition to.

I thought you meant – look, I'm going to ease back on you. and French dip sandwich because he didn't say in addition to. And then I say to him. Look, I'm going to ease back on you, but I think that it was pretty clear you switched the soups. It wasn't. I thought you meant do you want French dip, chili, and chicken noodle soup. That's all it was. I just said flat out do you want it in addition, and you said no, so I got you the soup. Because my order at the time was French dip and chili, so I didn you want it in addition? And you said no, so I got you the soup. Because my order at the time was French dip and chili.

So I didn't want it in addition to that. I wanted it instead of the chili. I thought you wanted soup instead of the whole fucking thing. This is why you don't text. This is why you call people. And I think the soup of the day was chicken noodle. So in my mind, this sick person sees, wait a minute, actually, soup of the day is chicken noodle. That's good when you're sick.

And I still clarified by asking in addition to. But in addition to, the order at the time was a French dip and a chili. So no, I didn't want it in addition to that. I wanted just the soup switch. You didn't say that. You didn't say swap out the soup for the chili. I thought it was in blood.

Who's on what side here? This is important. I'm on Kevin's. My man, Jackie. Jackie, what's your answer? I'm on Kevin's. Get the fuck out of here. I would say I would have gotten both solely because we're on a trip and I feel like we

might as well just get the sandwich as well. Colleen's smart. That makes sense. That's not really an answer though based on the situation. Just get him a bunch of shit Pabs Sweet Johns

Yeah You fucking liar You're just doing that For the fucking podcast Fuck you Fuck you This will have to be decided tonight That's bullshit

I think Jackie Should shut the fuck up. Wait, no, please continue. Take your microphone and continue. What are you saying about us grown men? Which, by the way, someone who's been with us for two years, I don't know. Pump the brakes.

I just think you guys have been arguing about the suit for 15 minutes. I said it was going to be the whole show, so we have fucking an hour left. How about this move, though? An egregious move In it's own right I said Can we get that chicken soup to go And also That was piping hot

I should have known Something was up When the chili was freezing cold I got into that And I was like I think I'm done with the chili I should have said that That it was

That it was leftovers I asked You know Can I get this to go And he said Do you want it in a bowl I asked, you know, can I get this to go? And he said, do you want it in a bowl? I was kind of like, first of all, I was like, that's probably how it should have been served in the first place, sir. But yes. And I come out, and he just hands me the plastic bowl.

Like walk home with that? No, no, no. Like it's empty. Gives me the empty bowl. Oh, so you're going to dump it in yourself? At the table? First of all just I mean

go to the bathroom do it over the toilet we're in a diner so I can't be nitpicky here I think that pretty much no matter what an eating establishment

should probably put your your leftovers in the bowl they do that a lot I think that was a COVID thing they just bring your boxes out for you okay and then

that fine much like COVID stuff they don't just change anymore right they're just like we're never doing this again COVID plus diner not exactly They just bring your boxes out for you. Okay. And then. That fine. Much like COVID stuff. They don't just change anymore. Right. They're just like, we're never doing this again. COVID plus diner. I'm not exactly, you know, asking for the moon here or I shouldn't expect the moon.

But when it's this plate thing, there's no way to pour it. So Nick goes, give it to me, give it to me. And I'm thinking like Nick's been in, you know, he was one that he tells about when he's the cook at that thing he became like couldn't get fired yeah yeah yeah so he uh he puts the plate there and he just just rips it and i and he did he you know he probably got i would say 90 of it in the thing so it was a good job but it was very funny that he was like give it to me give it to me and i thought he me. And I thought he was going to like create. Colleen goes, use the use the tortillas as a funnel. And I'm thinking he has some idea how to do it.

He just like, I'll do it. What? And just flips this plate of chili. I mean, that's how they would have done it in the back. Yeah. For a sink. Right. I'm going to save us five minutes here.

So what? You want a fucking French dip sandwich now? Yeah. I love French. That'd be fantastic. I wish you had it in addition to your fucking chicken soup. This is going to be a big point of contention because it is. It is. It is a situation where I'm right.

And the room agrees. When you talk about the room's 50-50 split. He's a liar. He knows it. Look, he's a fucking liar. He sat there and was like, what should I say? John. But I mean, to be clear. Actually, Kevin, now that you. He sat there and was like, what should I say? Yeah. Well, I mean, to be clear.

Actually, Kevin, now that you told me to shut the fuck up, I won. 3-1, I win. That's how you say Kevin was right. It's politics, bitch. I was going to say, everyone went out of voting. Abstract jump side. Yeah, right. That's politics, baby.

Flip-flopping, switching aisles. That's great. That's really how it works. I don't know enough about... Let's do politics. You want to talk politics real quick? Yeah, but before we do that, I just want to say one more thing.

My order at the time was a French chip sandwich and a chili, so I didn't want it in addition to. I didn't want it in addition to? No, not in addition to. Did you say to swap? A whole new text. He says, you know what?

A chicken soup, please. I said, actually, you know what? A chicken soup, please. I said, actually, you know what? A chicken soup, please. Yes. It's a new order with a new text. That sounds like a new order. Yes. If you told the waiter that, he'd bring you chicken soup.

No. There is no way. If I said to you, do you want a French dip sandwich? The side choices are a salad, chili, or soup. And you said to me, I'll take the chili. Oh, no, no, wait. Make it a chicken noodle soup. I'd say fine.

That would make sense. Was chili its own text? I said to him, they have chili. Do you want it? He said, no, I want the roast beef sandwich. French dip. And you know what? Let's rip a chili anyway.

And then the next thing said, you know what? Chicken noodle soup. I don't think, I never said no to the sandwich. When someone says in addition to. But it wasn't in addition to. I already had my order. It wasn't. I don't want three things.

I didn't want a two soup lunch. That's crazy. It's from you, sir. Anything's possible. I'm not John ordering lunch. Anything's possible. You could have been like, I'm going to put the chicken noodle soup onto my sandwich and then eat it with the chili in my ass.

There's anything possible with you, you dumpster. Fuck. We're going to be arguing about this for months. I'm going to get a shirt that says, in addition to. Glennard, come join us for the show. We got a story to tell you. It's a little bit messy here. Sorry. Glennard's what us for the show We got a story to tell you I'd love to hear it It's a little bit messy here Sorry

Glennard's what's cracking bro So We did you a little bit dirty In DC But unknowingly What'd you do? It's a very funny story So

What'd you do? What'd you do? Why? Why? Why'd you do it? So when we do our live shows We try to show things That we can't show on the podcast

Cause you know That's the point of it So we And we wanted to We always try to show things that we can't show on the podcast because you know that's the point of it so we and we wanted to we always uh try to promote all of our guys you know so we wanted to show love for only stands appreciate that sky brie was in best hits in the game right glennie's eyes just rolled out of his hand actually i figured out today i'm going to la next week we're doing round two with sky brie wow we love sky br Skybree. We are huge Skybree fans. Glenn, are you fucking these girls? What? Are you fucking these girls? No. You think I wouldn't tell you

if I fucked Skybree? Trust me, you'll be one of the first texts if I happen to fuck Skybree. I'll let you know. My man. My man. I like that. So, we wanted to show the video of Skybree. And the one you sent me. And the one that's on your OnlyFans. Go to OnlyStans on OnlyFans.

OnlyFans.com slash OnlyStans show. We're posting our guest's nude there. So check it out. What a gentleman. We're posting our guest's nude. Tasteful nudes. So I wanted to show the video of you, you know, that infamous tit grab. What?

Oh, we got it? Okay. So let me just – does it play out? Like you understand? Okay, okay. So here's what happened because the audio didn't quite work as we intended, Glennie. You don't have to. So the audio –

It was a bad – It was a bad It was a bad No it's not even The grab that's not that bad The problem is that In the audio You hear her be like Go ahead squeeze him

Squeeze him Something happened With our audio Where like It didn't play The original track Of you guys talking So it's just like

A song in the background And you just go like So you made it seem like I was a fucking groper? Yeah, we did. We did. I cleared your name afterwards. I want to clarify. She made it very clear. She invited me

to touch the tit. I thought it was so funny the way she... What I love most about OnlyStans is you are such a gentleman. You're always like, I don't want to look. Okay, I'll look. And like, I don't want to look. Okay, I'll look. I don't want to touch, but okay if you want me to. You can't be the weird guy.

Sure. One of the main things I found that always stands out, if I were to make a TED commandments, one of the commandments would be, there's two Hortys. There's fun Horty, and there's weird Horty. You don't want to be weird Horty. You don't want to be weird Horty. You want to be fun Horty. That is the only commandment, bro. Don't be weird horny. You don't want to be weird horny. Bro, that's the best fucking message he's given. You want to be fun horny. That's one commandment.

Fun horny is great. That is the only commandment, bro. Don't be weird horny. Don't be weird horny. Don't be the weird horny guy. That's good for if you're doing an OnlyFans podcast. That's good for if you're a regular guy at the bar. You got to respect our queens.

Absolutely. Don't be weird horny. Be fun horny. Fun horny. Fun horny, just kind of like, yeah, I'll grab your tits. Yeah, you want me to say what you want. If you want to get a grab, I'll get a grab. But when that didn't play, because you just kind of are both like,

mm-mm-mm. It was a bad grab, too. Well, how could you? My left hand is my dominant hand. Yeah, that's an awkward feel. And like you're, you know, what do you do? You lift? Do you honk?

Do you rub? You know, you can't go too sensual with that grab. Otherwise, you look like weird horny. I also felt like I could have looked at it. You can't look at a tit while you're grabbing it, you know? You didn't look it in the eye? No. They're also like the nicest tits. They're insane.

They're ridiculous tits. You're touching like an artifact or something. It's like you're touching the Constitution. They're natural. She is. Yeah, she's unbelievable. Bro, how about you abandoning the ball scale in the greatest moment of your life? Are you thinking about the ball scale when Sky Breeze fucking tits her ass? And how come you don't go 10.0 on that, man? I mean, those are 10.0 tits.

Nah, I like that. You said 9. something, right? 9.6. 9.6? Like Dave says, you can never give a perfect score. Yeah. But that's the closest I've seen a perfect score. I mean, I think you can you can never give a perfect score, but that's the closest I've seen a perfect score. I mean, I think you can give those hits a perfect score. They're natural.

She's a queen. I think you can give Daddario and her get a 10.0, I think. You think Daddario is that good? Her tits? I think her nipples are a little... Really? I mean, you would know, bro. I defer to the king.

Did you grab a little nip or you just go straight boob with this guy? Spilled around with her nipple Of course not That's weird horny That is weird horny That's weird horny You're right If you went a little That would be so weird

She did actually If you watched the full clip I don't know if it was In the clip I sent you She does like Turn, take him out And like Play with him a little bit

Oh yeah Oh she was Adding my nipple part Well guess what If I do that with my dick Weird horny It's super weird If I have it gotten to my dick Before I show it to a girl, I go to jail.

But listen, like I just said, the best part of it, I may be doing it next week in L.A. Maybe we'll get another feel. Maybe we get a little er-ing-ing. No, I'm not going to do it. What if she says, give me that er-ing-ing? Then you've got to do it. Then you're not being a gentleman. Then you're not respecting the queen.

Then you're not respecting what she wants. She's like, I want my nipple. I'm not going to lie what Sky Bree says, guys. That's the rule. she's the girl um my my boyfriend and i made a list of our hall passes he chose all celebrities and i picked some hot guys at my gym now he's mad at me because mine are too attainable i knew you i picked this one specifically for you by the way shane's nightmare that's everybody nightmare. What type of fucking dumbass is sitting down with their girlfriend like, who would you fuck? Yeah, no. Make it easy for me.

And then she's like, this guy Jim that uses the fucking treadmill. Yeah, he's like Emily Ratajkowski and she's like, Frank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's Frank? A guy who spots me at the gym. A guy who would kill the fuckman. Yes. You're like, that girl's just going to fuck those dudes.

Yeah, that is. I think if you're ever seriously doing that, like, you're fucking other people. It bothers me. Your girlfriend's fucking other people. Nothing bothers me more than someone being like, that's my hall pass. Yeah. It's like. Guy or girl.

Yeah, sure. That's just. Give me your hall pass. It's still going to ruin your relationship. Yeah. That's not a real fucking thing. Your hall pass is not a real fucking thing. She's like, I want to get dicked out.

My girlfriend fucked David Beckham and i'm fine we're back together she was allowed to fuck i said i told her it was okay i gave her the okay okay watching tv she said she would fuck him i said there's fucking good luck hall passes are so much more attainable for chicks even if you are like a six because you could run through somebody and one day, like David Beckham might be like, I'll throw it in you real quick. You just have to be

near them. It could happen. I'm not going to like it, but I'll throw it in you. Whereas a guy, it's like forget it. I've got to find out where Emily Ratajkowski lives. I've got to follow her for her. There's no way that I could ever run into her natural I'm a tree yeah I ran into you on the street isn't that weird and she'd still be like police

imagine it's like they're like like female bands we're having what like you know the Motley Crue and all these parties everyone talks about like if like pussycat dolls what's out there like crushing dick i want fucking all these guys waiting for me in the dressing room yeah it would be all guys in pussycat doll shows yeah yeah no can't be that because they're okay you gotta pick him you gotta pick out like all right that guy his girlfriend dragged him here. Get him to my dressing room. Oh, yeah. What a reward. Chill out. Ah, yeah.

Ah, yeah. Ah, yeah. Lift the chair up. Lift it up. What's up, man? What's up, dude? What up, dogs? We're just talking about how Bobby Kelly was dressed preposterous because he let some youth

tell him how to dress on stage. Did you really? Bill Squire told me I had to get show shoes. Bill Squire? You know Bill Squire from Cleveland. No, I show shoes. You know Bill Squire? From Cleveland. Fat dude? Chubby dude? Now if I meet him, I'll ignore him.

That's just fucking just mean. Fuck you, Squire. Hey man, come on, dude. Chill out. Don't come in so hot. Fuck that guy, dude. Oh, come on, he's a nice guy. Oh yeah, do nice guys rape kids? He hasn't raped anybody!

So you dodged the question. I didn't dodge the question! He did not, I swear, Oh, yeah, the nice guys rape kids He did not I swear any children He is a sweet guy. I bet it starts that way. Where's my camera? Sweet guy. He is not touching. He has kids. He's very good with kids.

Oh, I bet. Stop it. Yeah. What's wrong with you? Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I apologize for raping children. Stop saying rape.

Stop saying rape. It steals your innocence. Stop saying rape. Stop saying rape. Consensually have sex with children. That's not it. That's better. You're right. That's a little better. That's actually better. It is better.

You said don't come in so hot and then Ari turned it up a thousand degrees. That's what he does. That's what he does. I mean he named his special Jew. How fucking happy are you that the world has been doing nothing but talking about Jews Help me promote

I bet if you look at Google search trends The word Jew God I'm hoping for a second holocaust Just to push this thing up to the 6 million views That it should get 6 million views Nice Brilliant I hope it hits 6 and you like shut it down Six million. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice.

Brilliant. I hope it hits six and you, like, shut it down somehow. Yeah, right? Just stop it right there. But honestly, though, for real, I think it's at two million in four days. Yeah, it's nutty. That is bananas. Congrats on that. That is fucking really good.

It's so goddamn fucking funny. It's so. And honestly. By the way, one thing I want to remember to talk about before we get into whatever craziness we're going to talk about. Yeah. Fucking, we were talking about it on the podcast recently. You were talking about the Shabbos goys. Yeah.

Goys. We want to make a certain Saturdays are for the goys. You want to make a what? You know why we had Saturdays for the boys for so long? We're going to do Saturdays for the goys. Saturdays for the goys. Yeah. I'm a goy.

Yeah. When I was a counselor, a lifeguard, a Jewish camp, I had a goy corner. How i was in jew i was a counselor a lifeguard a jewish camp i had goy corner because they had two catholic kids in the place yeah and they never had they put us in the corner for a service on saturday you were guarded a camp for jews i was just i was what do you mean i was a lifeguard yes you guarded their lives i was at the water at the lake i had the little jews all right why i don't know it sounds iffy what do All right. What? I don't know. It sounds iffy. What do you mean iffy? I don't know.

Camps, Jews. I don't know. What are you saying now? You're a Nazi. Jesus. You were alive in the 40s. We're talking about the Holocaust. First of all, they didn't know I was a Nazi.

I mean, nobody knew I was a Nazi. No. I'm not a Nazi. I'm Irish-Italian. We're not Nazis. That's how they got Kyrie. They're like, what did you just say? You devout Nazi. I'm Irish-Italian. We're not Nazis. That's how they got Kyrie. They're like, what did you just say? You devoutly.

I'm like, am I even talking about that? I was like, why won't you deny it? Oh, man. That, I, it's really like a very funny special. And it's very interesting. Thank you very much. And you learn about it. He's talking about mine.

Because I got a special too. And I don't like the ginger fucking. And it's very Fucking I believe it 20 fucking day you never sure I do this is kill box and fucking Arabic And Nazi language Now that we're saying Nazii it does have nazi it kind of looks like ss right it does look like ss you should just name your show

your special should just be like guinea mick guinea mick that's my next one guinea mick jew hater it's just me holding ari by the neck trying to get ahead stop me from a finish line me holding Ari by the neck. Trying to get ahead. Stop me from a finish line. Me holding your nose.

There you go. Perfect. Yes, mine is on LouisCK.com. Bobby's made more money than mine, and mine has more views than his. Well, what do you care about? It's a weird thing where you're at. It's kind of funny because you would almost think we would be switched. Ari would want the money, and you would want the adoration and the views, you know? Well, he's got the adoration.

I mean, he's got the money. Yeah, well. He's got money. He's got more money than me. Yeah, look, he's looking for some right now. He's like, what's in there? Can I get a couple pennies? He's got more money than me because he's genius because he found out how much money he needs, really.

Just to live. What do you need? Just to live. Not much. Dog food ain't expensive. Do you want water? Pull out. No, I was thinking of getting some whiskey, but it's dirty.

Can you grab him a cup from the kitchen? Oh nice, perfect. The classy... Which one do you want? That one's maple syrup, so take it. How about you have ours? You got your own whistle pig? Yup, November 11th. It's launched? November 11th. I've had that six years.

The rye, it's good. It's fucking good. I've been a recovering alcoholic 37 years. I'll be having water. Let me just pass this. If he was, like, shaky in his sobriety, that's really bad. You're good. Let me work for you.

You ever meet a sober person, and then you're like, you're fine on this, right? You smell it for you. My jay just lost my 37 years right now. I'll do it if you go buy fucking my special. No, I'm kidding. His special, I watched it last night. God damn it, dude. I am so glad

YouTube exists and funny is back. Yeah. You watch him and I'm literally looking at my wife night god damn it dude i am so glad youtube exists and funny yeah yeah because there was so many special you watch them and i'm literally looking at my wife and be like is it me because i could be bitter yeah i could be i don't i am a comic i could be better and she's like no it's fucking terrible there's so many dude his special is so fucking funny doesn't give a fuck you know what happened the first opening yeah there, nothing. Yes. Just start Yeah, what it was candles. Yeah Frick you that's for all the Jews that died. Yeah

Candle thing or you just was like let me have a million candles. I'm a diva asshole It was a lot No This is the set designer was like found that they do this stuff in Jerusalem these like candle boxes for Hanukkah So we're gonna like hark into to like yeah whatever be heady and stuff but like uh she tested him in her in her apartment it was 80 hours and then we tested with the air conditioning of the place the day before and it was about four and a half hours yeah so we had to start it six thousand candles overnight on a starry night i just had a fat tampa band open up for me put him on the Coltus band pitbull title my my cop do I love my best friend had

him on the balcony him and all was every fucking thing i i couldn't believe all those candles what a fucking i love the opening dude when when it i was shocked at it because it just jumps in you just go all right let's let's go yeah too many specials now not too many specials i said that wrong there's a lot of specials now so there's no more like wow do a sketch at the beginning yeah i always hated that because it's always like some non-sketch actor writing a you're opening with two minutes of like something you're not even that good at i think like the funny thing is i think you got to do a comedy a certain way you got to do comedy specials a certain way but then you got to if you're going to put on the internet you got to do the internet a certain way and like when you watch a viral video funny video

when someone when someone says hey dude you got to watch this video and you open it up and the first 10 seconds aren't that good you're out you know so it's like when i watch and it when i watch a youtube video i want to just go now if you sat me down if i was live maybe i would want some more opening but we're talking about a youtube video now so it's just like go you know i like norton's opening the skit on his special we got raped by omar oh my. That was good. From The Wire? Yeah, you either got to get me or – Omar from The Wire?

I'm pretty sure he had Omar from The Wire. Like Michael K. Willis? Raped Norton. Wow. I think that's how he opened one of his specials. I do remember that. I thought that just happened and they got security footage. Oh, no.

Yeah, it's just – Yeah, and he was like, can I get that footage? Yeah. Like after the fact. Yeah, that was it. He actually paid him $360 to do it. Oh. Norton doesn't.

Norton likes to pay for his. Norton just walks around with his pants around his ankles. Oh. When you said, he said something like, give a Jew a glass of milk and watch him rain diarrhea for days. I almost passed out. It was. You guys liked it?

I'm glad you liked it the uh the uh the youtube thing is funny because when it started everybody on youtube was like fucking hilarious like the best of the best and then everybody kind of copycats and follows that trend and you have a lot of people who are okay good mediocre all the way down to bad doing the same thing so there was like a year two whatever three years they're just youtube special a rain of specials yeah that's and it's like yeah you know and i think it's on us now we're the ones making it now so it's on the comic to go it's time but you can also make a special for a thousand dollars now so that's the other thing i hate hearing these guys who are like i spent my life savings on it And then I look at it and I'm like.

We have a lot of people come in here and they say they spent $40,000 or $50,000 on it. And we're like, ooh. $40,000 or $50,000? They got fucked. Yeah. And then I see it and I'm expecting it to be a fucking spectacle. And it's like two cameras. I'm like, well.

Not that much. My special was under $100,000. And that was with Louis directing it and his team on a location with cameras. Right. I mean. That's, but you're getting your money's worth. It's special. These other guys, it's a special.

These other guys, it's like two cameras, you know. Yeah, it's like a set. It's a set. That's a set. Yeah. That's a set. That's not a special. I could have sent these guys in and they could have done it, you know.

Well, God bless them. I mean, they, you can't. It is a cool type of comedy. You can't, you can't say no to it. It's like somebody who becomes famous who isn't funny. What are you supposed to say? No, I'm not ready yet. You got to fucking give them a break.

Fuck it. And these comics, it's easy to go and film yourself and put it online. TikTok. I know comics that nobody knows have millions of views on TikTok and social media from their stand-up. Right, right. And it's all right. It's not the best. It's not like –

They have a good account or whatever. They as well play big rooms. It's this in-between time because for the longest time it was like you heard a couple gatekeepers, like Comedy Central first, then HBO and Netflix – well, not HBO first, but Netflix, Comedy Central, and then like – I think HBO was first. HBO was first. Yeah, HBO. But then like you're waiting

for them to say yes for so long and now it's like it's on you not waiting anyway so so we're still in this mindset of like oh i could do it let's just do it it's like no no no fucking wait yeah so you're really really ready like i was talking to louis about naming my special he's like what do you want to name it and i was like i was thinking like the first joke is uh remember aids and i was like oh we can't name it that. He goes, you can name it fucking dead baby fuckers. It's on my website. You can name it your mother's cunt.

It's a fucking smelly hole. I was like, oh, yeah. That's true. And that's going to be my next special. Bobby's mother's cunt. If you don't do that, I'll be disappointed. I already got what Sherrod gave me a title already, though. It's going to be next. Too many blacks.

The cover is just me with a bunch of black people behind me and me just going... Can that be at the cellar? Oh, yeah, it'll be at the cellar. Have you figured out what is the number of what's too many blacks? One. If you had went any higher, it wouldn't have been funny fucking genius we were allowed but that's so hard pause one you went from you went from like you know new york comic and and relatability to like

i feel like a lot of your humor now is in your success and your money and all that. Like that's not an easy – that's a delicate thing. A lot of people will watch what we just did and hate on that. A lot of people will find the humor. They should. A lot of people will be like – Yo, hate on it. Like I agree.

Like I think for me, I try to – in a weird way,, I try to put myself around the angst. And that's a hard thing to do once you've gotten enough money to remove inconveniences. And I'm not talking about enough money. That's crazy. You make a good amount of money, you can remove inconveniences. A reasonable amount. And you can eat meals. It's like when you're living in a studio and eating spaghetti. All your stories are crazy.

Rats in my fucking Cheerio. Those are really interesting. studio and eating spaghetti all your stories are crazy rats in my fucking cheerio like this thing those are really interesting so it's like for me like when we were living in Miami during a pandemic like I knew

I had to come back because I couldn't write a single joke in Miami I was so happy yeah and nobody bothered me like nobody bothered me like like

culturally down there it was like let's have a good time let's enjoy our family and let's party and dance and it's like who am I have a good time. Let's enjoy our family and let's party and dance. And it's like, who am I pushing back against? You know what I mean?

I need some like purple haired chick with fucking like armpit hair and like fighting and like angry at men for no reason. And then like I get to like wittily take that away from them. And it's like, oh, this is fun. This is what I live for. It's a challenge. It's a fun thing. How do I play the like the I don't want to call it intellectual warfare, but how do you just wax poetic about something in just the funniest way

and just find that fun little nuance that is untrue, that is completely fake, but it makes sense logically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I need a little bit of angst to do that. I think the first joke, yeah. Where do you get your angst, though? This is also like, so you're asking the comedian, how do you write your jokes?

But once you've made it. You're not that active on social, right? No, no. Twitter's just a liability. It's like I'm not going to get canceled for something that did nothing for me. Right, right. I'll get canceled for a fucking joke I put out,

but usually I don't think people get canceled for jokes. They get canceled for like off-color commentary. But like actual stand-up, here's a joke. Well, because that is a joke or a tweet can be like, he fucking means that shit. He actually thinks that about those people. It can be however you want to read it. Right, right. You get to it.

Yeah, exactly. But if I have a mic and I'm doing a thing, then it's a little bit harder. But yeah, for me, I think I tend to push back against outrage. i think that's kind of what you see on twitter yeah like oh yeah yeah mentions or like twitter just news just in general culture i like how i've forgotten about the news yeah because the news is twitter where do you get your cultural news oh news but but the news is twitter but it's you know but like i don't know the news is twitter's it. But the news is Twitter, but it's, you know, but like, I don't know. The news is Twitter, and now Twitter is the news. Like, the news outlets are just as fucking.

Meaning the news outlets are on Twitter. Right. So, like, I'm going to hear about the trending stories. But they're also so, you know, in somebody's pocket or skewed. Yeah, of course. There's nothing. Everything's skewed, but I'm more looking at, like, what everybody is so reactive to, and then I want to kind of, my knee-jerk intuition is to have the opposite reaction.

Right, to piss you off. Exactly. So a lot of people look at that. We were talking about this before. This is how men hang out. I don't know. If you're with your boys and you're on a bus to a game or something like that,

nobody is saying the right thing. That's not funny. That's not enjoyable. That's not funny about, you're finding which teacher you would have sex with. That is the, the biggest, grossest teacher.

Right. And you're going, I'm going to say this thing, or if there's something crazy happening in the news, you're having a wild take. That's wrong about it. It's not right. Right.

And everybody knows you're just trying to make them laugh. And that is in a lot of ways, standup comedy. I know there are comics out there that are very like political and that kind of stuff. And it's just like, you don't care that much. Well, some people call what you just described contrarian.

Yeah. Yes. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Hello. But it's like, that's what we're doing. This is the people who don't understand humor that chalk it up to.

You're just saying that like to have a take. And it's like, yeah, that's kind of the fucking game here, man. We call it contrarian because we want to remove ourselves from what we like often feel. Right. And our feelings are wrong. Take my wife please is the oldest joke ever. That's saying get rid of my wife. You have a wife

or you had one? You got rid of it. It comes from a real place. I have a wife that sometimes your wife annoys you. You want to get fucking rid of her. You're like take her please. But you don't actually want that. You're not actually going to do that. But you had a moment where you thought about something that was wild.

And it makes other people laugh to say that. Because they've also had that moment. Yes. And that's the most – the funniest thing, when we started Barstool, I'm like 25. And every blog we wrote, the comment section was this crew of like 40-year-old guys. This is back when a comment section actually had some value and it wasn't just bullshit. It was like, you knew their names,

you knew their like stories and every one of them to a man was like, I just fucking hate my wife so much. And I'm 25 and I'm reading it and it killed me. Every comment, they're all hack jokes.

But it's just so funny to me that like Lemmings guys, we all just walk off of the fucking, we just walk the plank and we're like, no, no, my girl's different and my marriage

is going to be different and they're like, nope, it wasn't. And I believe that right now. You will, you will, you know, you'll get there. This is why people try to chalk up

what is comedy, what are these different things, all these different categories. It's like, buddy, buddy, buddy, if you're already thinking about the category, you're missing the point. Are you laughing?

Is this making you laugh? Because if it's just making you think and not laugh it failed yeah right right well that's different is it colin quinn who coined it like claptor oh yeah yeah i agree let me tell you something if that person that does the claptor could make you laugh they would yeah they can't nobody says things that people in a room will agree with because over saying something funny because they want to yeah like if you can say the funny thing if you're just hanging around human beings and you can say the funny thing you will you do you do because it's the best feeling in the world it's awesome what's our we say it all the time somebody said would you rather make a girl come or make the homies laugh? And everybody to a man said make the homies laugh.

Like making a girl come is cool. But making a random girl? Well, you say what? I gotta make my wife come. You know what I mean? I'm gonna feel insecure if I can't make my wife come. Yeah. Some random girl? Are you kidding me?

You know what's gonna make the homies laugh When I tell them I didn't make that girl come That's the oldest joke Shut it up fellas How funny is that One of the biggest hack jokes And longest running jokes Is that

And we kind of stopped saying it It was just like You know what? No, I can make a girl cum. Because the oldest joke is, I don't know where the G-spot is. I don't know where the G-spot is. I don't. We say the other day, like, you.

When people, the G-spot's one thing. When the joke is like, I don't know where the clit is. I don't. I have a joke. I don't know where the clit is. I swear to God. What do you fucking mean? I swear to God, I don't know where it is.

I swear to God, I don't know where it is. And don't either i've you don't either bro no no no no no you know more or less that's the joke i say i still have to do ash wednesday every time i've done it but you know more or less but you don't know exactly it's under the hood oh is it have you ever looked under the hood no you haven't you't. You know it's under there, and you're like, if I just press on this thing, but it's this tiny thing, so maybe it's on the top under the hood. I understand that, but pressing on the top and doing the Ash Wednesday will get the job done. See, that's what I mean.

That's a funny joke. That's not the funny joke. It's not a funny joke to say I can make a girl cum. Yeah. That's part of it. It's the worst. Right. When you see a guy up there like talking about. That's part of it. It's the worst. Right. When you see a guy up there like talking about how good he is with ladies.

It's the worst. But I got to a point where I had said so many fucking times that my dick is small and I can't make girls cum. Well, if your dick is small, I don't like that. It's not. Then don't say it. But I can also make you cum. That's great. That's not funny.

Yeah, but you also don't have to say everything. That's what I'm saying. Then just don't talk about that. But I do think that there are certain times where guys lie for likability. Yeah. Right? And I think you see that in comedy, and that's inauthentic. Right.

But if you like- The other day I was, no, you weren't. Exactly. Shut the fuck up about it. Yeah. I mean, I think you just got to find where the truth is. You know what I mean? By truth, I mean in your feelings. Not the right thing to say.

What you're actually feeling. What do you feel about it? You know, what most people feel is going to get you in trouble these days and that's where we go. Yeah, sometimes it gets you

in trouble, but sometimes it's also just like, I don't know. But I think most of us, it's like, my dick's not small, but it's not big. And I can make you cum,

but I'm not great. And I think that's like the vast majority of us. I mean, if you're making them cum, you're great. All right. I'll be honest. I've been great and I think that's like the vast majority of all of us. I mean if you're making them cum, you're great. All right. I mean I guess you're great. I'll be honest.

I've been thinking if I've ever seen a clip for the last four minutes. Shultz has got to see the doubt in you. I remember with the joke, the point I was trying to make is like what I'm trying to do is like I'm hearing women talk about how hard their life is and how difficult things are. So immediately I'm trying to like, it's not that hard. Why is it not that hard? How can I tell you it's easy?

Yeah. difficult things are. So immediately, I'm trying to like, it's not that hard. Why is it not that hard? How can I tell you it's easy? Yeah, and I think the thing, the joke, it was something about like, like if somebody kidnapped my mother, and they're like, you could either, we're going to kill your mom unless you make Ted come

or Rebecca come, and it's just like, if I got one shot. I got you. Like it's not even a fucking question. So don't tell me it's harder, right? That's the answer to the internet.

Right? So it's just like, you gotta do it. Because you would. It's your fucking mom. It's up and down, up and down, up and down. As confident as you are that you can make a girl cum. No. I will make a guy cum. You make a fella cum.

I will make a guy cum so hard, so fast. They'll never go back. They'll come back for more. They'll never go back to a chair. back for more! They will never go back to a gym! This is what it's like with the boobs! Right? It's that fucking, it's not that serious! I think what happens is like-

I will suck Ted's dick! Come on! Come on! See? It's gonna be a mess down here! You had a little Halloween party, right? Uh, not really. No?

No. I thought you did. I thought you had a rager. I invited a bunch of people to a Halloween party No one came Bro So Friday night after we did the We built the skeleton Which is amazing by the way Amazing

You can only see it's hand It's so big It's so much bigger than 12 feet or whatever it said it's I think it's like 13 it is it is huge and but what I'm laying in bed I can only see a tan and I'm like every time I look out my front like the door to my porch laugh I'm no I'm just like what the fuck oh yeah that's right you munga skeleton out there it has scared me 20 times is your upstairs neighbor do you think they just

look out and see a head uh yeah probably yeah i i love the pictures that came out of it the one where where it's not done yet you just see a giant pelvis huge that one is so good so so good um that was that was great uh also by the way we we looked at the total views for the skeleton build and that's now our barometer we compare it to all the other um shows and how many views they get and and let's say somehow sometimes we talk about how much money or resources are spent and we just go skeleton build the skeleton the skeleton build is bigger than a lot of big properties here like it cost you what 700 bucks which was overpriced we brought an overpriced one and we still we still did more views than some major major properties skeleton build skeleton

build um uh also this by the way we might just start building things yeah that could be like friday night build shit because it actually worked out perfectly because we tried to build it. If we just built it outside, it probably would have been like, all right, we built a skeleton outside. But the fact that we got it halfway done and realized it wasn't going to fit inside and had to take it apart and then carry it outside, it just made it so much better. And then this situation. This was the best moment I've ever seen in my life. Watching your buddies just get shut down by chicks is the best. Hey, we're having a party.

You guys want to come? They're like, no, losers. Have you seen it? Have you seen it? You guys want to come over and check out our bones? Hey, Clikes. Yeah. What are you having a party tonight?

Who is it? The skeleton's already dragged the people to your yard. 8 o'clock tonight. Yeah. Oh, oh, 8 o'clock. That was me realizing it was yard. 8 o'clock tonight. Oh, oh, 8 o'clock. That was me realizing it was women. 8 o'clock tonight. Oh, alright. Fuck it.

Why so early, you fucking old men losers? Don't worry, no one's gonna come anyway. They also, they tweeted us they were gonna come. They never showed up. Like most of the people invited to the party. Dude, thank God. I mean, it was like, no doubt, like, top of one worst party.

Thank God they didn't come. Yeah, oh, dude. What would have happened if they showed up and it was just you and Tommy Smokes just drinking a beer? If they showed up, it would have been me, Nick, his brother, and Tommy Smokes drinking beers in the kitchen. Is that really it? By the end of it, yeah. Keys came by? Keys came by.

Keys came by dressed to the nines. And that's the worst. She's like, I shaved my balls for this. I dressed up for you fucks. It was- I will take some blame myself. Oh oh i'll take all the blame because it's my party um but like i was arguing with a friend about some dumb shit so like i kept disappearing to like just fucking fight with him on the phone and then what it's a that's a different

story for another day um and then uh and then it was just like no one came in costume i didn't have any food were you dressed up? I was in the skeleton thing. Okay. So, yeah. I guess the answer to that is yes. Yeah, you were dressed up. Nobody else was dressed up.

You had no food or booze. You didn't come in costume. No, I wasn't sure if I was going to come or not. And then it was like 1130. I had booze. You always have booze. And then I was just like, you know what? Fuck it.

Let's hop in an Uber right now. And like, we left an arcade. Yeah, you shouldn't have. And then you walked just like You know what Fuck it Let's hop in an Uber Right now And like We left an arcade Yeah you shouldn't And then you walked in And you're like Fuck Let's do it somewhere else

And then everybody Like those guys stayed Who Like Tommy Tommy was there Basically all night Boy Tommy got there

Like at 8 o'clock And then was there Till I I mean he had no other plans Post midnight But he didn't even Come in costume He came in a fucking Buddha bend sweatshirt and a mini mouse ears like that's not a halloween costume bro

i'm sure this was for one of his bits or something yeah yeah he was sneaky recording i had one friend come in in a in a red socks full papabon uniform but also had an afro and i was like he looked he kind of looked like Franklin from Arrested. Holy shit, yeah, he did. Yeah, right? Is he black? No. No.

And then I had some friends who came and they were like, we're out of here. They left pretty quickly. Did they? They were like, fuck this. All right, I'm going to go to the party. You also, you're leaving out that we went to Party City before and bought how much? So, counting the skeleton, guess how much money I spent on decorations this Halloween party. Now, mind you, the skeleton's 800 bucks, so.

I don't even want to know. Like, another couple hundred dollars? Yeah, I probably spent in total about 1300 bucks on Halloween party. Fucking no one came, dude. Anyone who came wasn't in the halloween spirit what we just stood in my kitchen and drank beers and sweatshirts like high school kids what do you what kind of uh decorations honestly bro i was like cobwebs i was so like in the like a ton of cobwebs i shit? I had a cobweb. I was so like in the- I got a ton of cobwebs. I was buying extra costumes. Bro, you're breaking my heart. I was in- You're making me upset.

We were at Party City. I bought extra costumes. Oh, no. In case people didn't show up in costume, they could put these on. No! John, this is worse than the trick-or-treaters on the Mountain Bowl.

They decided not to. I was like, I'm gonna put this on. They were like, no, we're all set. Fog smoke. Fog smoker. Oh, my God. You bought a smoke machine and nobody was there

picture my apartment couple guys in sweatshirts halloween lights spider webs I bought extra skeletons smaller than that one tombstones purple lights jack-o-lanterns and just like five dudes in

sweatshirts that was a Halloween party I threw you want it with him we waited in an hour line at parties no it was it are you out of your fucking mind it was a serpentinian line that went like up and down for Try to leave three times and they're like are you gonna give up? I can't be like yo you can leave and he's like now stay else. No we talk all the time about how we don't we We don't wait on lines. We're not lying guys. You broke the fucking code. Yeah For your Halloween party. It's so much, but like bro, I'm so much Happy that I threw the worst Halloween party ever

Because like, you either want to have a great one Or this, how many people have gone to a party Where it's like, it was crazy bro We had so much fun, everyone Everyone's been to those parties, not many people have been Like, I've been to the worst party ever I gave everyone a night To remember

That is true Where were you Jackie? How come you didn't get jackie and pavs didn't show how come jackie didn't come through with like a harem of hot bitches i i actually was planning on it but i had like this was the thing was your issue was that you you invited everybody like three days before it was an impromptu party i brought the skeleton five days before three days is not enough time? What? No, I had already agreed to go to three parties that night.

I was like, I can't finish. Oh, Miss Popular. I mean, I do want, it was an impromptu. I don't think three days is that crazy. Yeah, no, Halloween's like, that's, people, like, that's like inviting someone to Thanksgiving three days out. Like, people have their plans set in place. Yeah, but your group chat was like 15 people, so it's like.

I was just trying to get one person to come. And you basically did. You basically got one person. Bro, that is... Deep down, are you hurting? No, honestly, no. I think it's very funny. In the moment, were you like, this is so funny?

Or were you like, oh my god. In the moment, I was like, I can't wait to talk about something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even get the text. I can't wait to talk about my Halloween party. I was like, oh, word. He was like i can't wait to talk about something yeah yeah yeah i didn't even get the text i can't wait to talk about my halloween party i was like it was the worst one ever this is such a this job like when bad things happen it's like yes yes it is it's a dark dark place god i mean for me it was funny because the last time you invited me to a party

you said we're having brunch and watching the masters and this was like mid-covid kind of so yeah and when i got there it was a fucking party and then this one that was a raging yeah that was wild that one was that one you guys that one was i think we can't do many more parties like that in this life no that was one to remember for and that's it omelet in a mirror please we are back in new york um after our west coast swing we uh very thankful for everybody who came out it was it was a lot of fun it was confidence that was a I think going to be a watershed moment benchmark moment

hallmark moment whatever you want to call it for KFC radio because it went so well the shows were good but more importantly the just the whole week was so god damn funny yeah that you know when you that when you work at a place like this and you have some of the guests that we've been lucky enough to have and you're just fucking people in the world and you know for uh for a show that is known for its you know lack of self-confidence um it's sometimes it's like

fuck like you know are we good enough or is this is this funny or whatever and then so when you hit the west coast and you're like thousands of miles away from your your northeast you know uh safety net and people are still coming out to shows and the entire place sticks around to do meet and greets and everybody's hyping up taking pictures uh and then for me seeing uh how funny like the whole team has become i mean there was a while there was just like me and you like it was fine yeah we could have done it until we were dead but like it's just me and you talking and i think these kind of shows are at their best when there's like a whole cast of characters and a whole team of people where it's like oh this this side character and this side character sweaty girl the sweaty girl the girl who sweats too much their armpits soaking wet the girl with the messed up nose and the sweaty armpits um you don't understand how

much jackie sweats it's crazy it's it's just no i don't i don't there was a few times it's a hard no i'm not gonna pop it off why not jackie touch the sky reach the sky it's not a good it's not you don't sweat that much it's only been like two disastrous times in about four days so i'm going through like a sweaty like a sweating beer I actually feel you on that you go through a sweaty face, and you complain It's cold in here meanwhile you are poor wrenching your clothes poor. It's not it's it's a sweaty period It's a matter about this is like it's like van goes blue period or whatever. Yeah, he's going through a blue face Sweaty face just a pit girl

Show me your boots. Oh Jackie the girl. This girl is a pit. Show me your pits! Oh, Jackie, the girl on KC Radio? Yeah, the one with the pits? No, no, no. You just fucking sweat, dog. What's that girl's name? The sweaty one. I thought we weren't going to bring this up on air.

I thought this was behind the scenes. Nah. Nah. I might have said that, but I lied. I mean, we now, I have very, I would put our podcast team up against any in the world. I would too. Like from producers to side characters, editors, like the people, you know, the best shows are the ones where it's like you know everybody on the squad. And they all have like play their role and after uh kicking it uh for a week with these guys i mean there's i think there's

it's a broader discussion that i think you because if you're not doing a podcast you're like you can't relate right but anybody who has a group of friends i think can relate to this where you ask yourself are we different or does everybody have this? You know, because you have those nights where you're shit faced or you're high and you're hanging out and you're fucking dying laughing, you're rolling. And you're like,

this is literally one of the funniest things that's ever happened like in the world. And you're like, is this, is this just us or does that does every you know joe dick and harry i i find myself in those situations enough where i say it's us i think but i don't know i i look here's the deal it might happen other people what's happening isn't it you might think it's the funniest thing in the world it's not as funny

as what's happening right so that that's the thing i guess everyone has their moments where they feel because because you know what happens what people will be like can we pull up dracarys by the way yeah yeah yeah we're gonna tell them oh you already did it yeah we're gonna we'll tell the whole thing here but i think what happens is you'll hear people be like oh my god oh my god the funniest thing happened and they tell you the story and you're like okay yeah oh there's a very good chance this is you had to be there no i don't think so though i don't think so because just some of the some of it so the real there was two the reason why i'm so happy about like this whole team is because like i said usually it's john and i and this time this week at for our LA show, you could argue that like we didn't even need to take the stage on our final show.

We could have just let Pabst and Jackie go up there with the shit that they were bringing to the table. So we go to California, right? And while we were in California, by the way, our whiskey dropped on November 11th. We dropped our Whistlepig whiskeykey, our KFC Radio single barrel limited edition and we sold 1,000 bottles in a day. I don't know what the count's at now. I'm hoping it's even higher. I'm hoping we're pushing 2,000 bottles.

I'm hoping we're pushing case after case after case. A lot of you are taking pictures and sending it in showing us that you got it at your local liquor store. It's very cool to see you guys have it in hand. It should be in your local liquor stores now. It was taking a few days.

If you can't get it online, check online, obviously. Whistlepigwhiskey.com. Yeah, I'll take a pull. Yeah, it's cool. Drink it, by the way. We saw people taking pictures of it at the liquor store. I want to see pictures of you guys cracking it open, drinking it. Yankity, yankity, yee.

It is our... That's the official noise of it afterwards, too. It's our finest... Yankity, yankity, yee. I still the official noise of it afterwards too it's our finest i still have no voice i know man you got nothing it's our finest achievement to date um and i think the reason why whistle pig you know took a chance on us is because of everything i we described whistle pig loves like very cult uh following groups that's why they get down with like the ski community and snowboard community uh and they came up, they came to us and we're like, you guys have that like diehard following that we're looking for.

So that's why they did the whiskey with us. And if you got the maple syrup, you can make yourself a little KFC radio maple syrup, old fashioned. But you can get, get it from the link in our YouTube right now, or go to whistle pig, whiskey.com or truly get,

get it. And then tell us what you think. Like honest opinions, because I honestly think it's one of the best whiskeys ever had one of the best we did we did a lot of tasting really really i think i think it'll be a whiskey that like a lot of people like because it's just like that's usually what it comes down to with us is we're kind of like the average guy and what we like is what usually the mass is like so um give it a what give it give it a try and get it for uh it's a great stocking stuffer it's a great gift it's

a great secret santa it's perfect for this holiday so even if you you know don't don't care about it but you want you need to you know check off the box to get something for your nephew or your uncle your brother or your father or your sister girls drink whiskey too or your co-worker secret santa whatever get your kfc radio Whistle Pig single barrel. But we went to the West Coast and Jackie as you know, went to school there even though everyone in the world is convinced that she's an Italian from New Jersey because

well, that's what she seems like. Because she sweats so much. She sweats so much. She sweats like an Italian sausage. That's why she's always wearing those meat shirts. Because she feels that one with the sausage. It serves a school purpose of one, covering up the spit stains and two, being like like this is what it's like inside right now this is my skin can you believe inside is a sweaty italian sausage can you believe that that fucking italian sausage wants it to be warmer in here yeah what would it be like if it was hot in here she would drenched Jackie the Italian sausage

Nichols starting at guard I wanna go back to being girl so we asked Jackie to pick out to make reservations for us like pick a cool spot we had one night off every other night we did the show but we had one night off in LA pick a spot for us I Pick a cool spot. We had one night off. Every other night we did the show, but we had one night off in L.A.

Pick a spot for us. I will give the Italian sausage to this. I said it at noon. It's a Friday night. Friday night in L.A., you're not going to get the best reservation in the world for six months. Although, I feel like I could. If it was New York, I could get you a good reservation. Jack, you should be able to do that.

And it's your job to call people and be like, you know, we're a podcast. Yeah. Excuse me. If you're in a podcast. Yeah. We have one. Yeah. So we start walking and she decides to first take us through West Hollywood, a.k.a.

the Times Square of Los Angeles. So that was great. Walking by. The Hollywood Walk of Fame. The Panderers. Got accosted by Zorro at one point. Yeah, it was either homeless people begging for money or Asian people hitting you with something,

trying to sell you shit, or children being abused by their parents. Yeah, just being like, dance, kid, dance. It's like, 11 p.m., Dad, I'm hungry. Get dinner after this. And entertain the Italian sausage. So that was great while we walked through

there. And then as we're like five minutes into the walk, Jackie turns to the crew and she goes, you guys are okay with a little bit of a hill, right? A little bit of a hike. A little bit of a hike. And I said, which of a hike, she said. A little bit of a hike. A little bit of a hike.

And I said, oh, God. Which in my world means a walk. Yeah, like a distance. Like that's a hike. Yeah. Like we don't actually hike. I didn't bring a carabiner. Right.

Like it is. What do you mean? Like a hike. That's like, oh, like a 15-minute walk? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bit of a hike. Yeah. All right, I can do that.

It's a bit of a hike. And I said, oh, no, what does that mean? And then she was like, yeah, like, this place is kind of far away. And it was like, ah, we're down for a walk. It's beautiful LA weather. It actually was perfect. It was like 60s, 70s. So it was like, you're fine.

You're not hot. You're not cold. And then she's like, yeah. Jackie was sweating. She's like, there's a little bit of an incline. And I was like, like well what the fuck does that mean like I was like I've never had to be warned about an incline because like tiny little hill yeah tiny little because here's the deal like I've been alive and on this planet and so I know

that sometimes streets go up and down a little bit and that's just how it goes so if you feel the need to warn me about it i'm now thinking we're gonna have to climb a motherfucking mountain wherever you're taking us nobody has ever been like there's a little there's an incline coming your way that's gonna be a problem and she's doing it in this jackie way that's like ah i think we're in trouble here uh and which is something she's done before. Like one time, real quick aside, we were out. We were in John's house on the water. And she told everyone, let's go home and play drinking games with a deck of cards. And realized after that that she didn't have a deck of cards. And that she had hyped it up to everybody the whole time.

And everyone was pumped to go play. And she didn't have the deck of cards. And she does this Jackie thing where she writes a check that she had hyped it up to everybody the whole time. And everyone was pumped to go play. And she didn't have the deck of cards. And she does this Jackie thing where she writes a check that she can't cash. Where she's like, so what do you think it would be like if we didn't have cards? So she was doing it again with the hill. She's like, it's a little bit of a hill. And we're both like nervous. But like, I think we can handle this.

So the walk continues on and eventually we hit this street that is just one of those steady inclines where you're like it kind of huffing and puffing and i was like oh all right here's the hill i was like this is the hill this is the hill and it sucks i was like you know what i appreciate the warning about this hill i probably didn't need it i probably handle this how little do you think of okay thank you very nice of her to warn about the incline the the uh gradient grade call it it was a rather it was a slow incline but it was like it was noticeable if it was if it were to rain water would go this would flow down this direction and then as we're walking uh in the distance there is a restaurant a castle not a castle it looks like

a temple if you will yeah and it like i was so worried it wasn't going to translate the video looking at this now it's a video so well funnier that is in that is it like you have to that is in a different level that is like uh that is at the height where the pilot would get on and say we've just about reached our cruising altitude. Wi-Fi should kick on in a minute. You can take off your seatbelt and walk around the cabin. You're free to walk around the cabin. That is, I described it as...

It looks like a UFO. There's so much darkness below it. It was just light in the dark. Yeah. I described it as base camp for Mount Everest. It was so far in the distance and so high in the air that we said, I don't even know how it came about, but it was like,

LOL, imagine if that was the restaurant we were going to. It was a funny joke. It was a full-blown, like, knee-slapper dumb joke. It was low-hanging fruit. It was like, yeah, of course it won't be that restaurant. It was actually like, I told this story recently, the story where I took my friend to the bahamas in the hospital and he was like i'm gonna grab

that fucking bloody rag and put it on his face and then they came in and they were like they were gonna put the bloody rag yeah it's like this can't possibly be shut up i'll be the fucking idiot don't fucking touch that that's how far away that restaurant was and jackie turns and starts laughing so much so that she can't get any words out. And so I'm like, wait, are you trying to say that's it? Is that it? And through her, like, cackling and laughter, she's like, that's the restaurant. That's where we're going. I just didn't believe it.

I refused to believe it at first. It was so far in the distance and so high in the air. I legit, I think I said this a couple times, but I don't think I really made it clear. I was like, I don't know how we're going to get up there because it looks like a grass mountain. Like, are there roads that go up there? Is there stairs? He's like, there's no safe passage up there is there stairs yeah he's like there's no safe passage up there just so you know there are there are streets but they are filled with cars and billy goats on the side of a mountain and and there is no sidewalk there was no sidewalk and there yeah exactly as john described ice road

truckers but in la it looked like those those roads in san francisco where they're so steep you have to serpentine your way up. And so we were like, you've got to be fucking kidding me, Jackie. And she's like, I went on a run here earlier today. I woke up at 4 in the morning. I went for a run, and I ran up to this spot. So, like, we're doing it now. I'm like, oh, I'm so happy that your insanely difficult workout was the place for our leisurely trip for dinner. It was one of those things, was like once it was in play

You couldn't say no we have to walk up here because it is so absurd we have to go see this door Yeah, and so I'm gonna go to a little dive bar. No, I'm gonna climb a mountain and go to Yamashiro Whatever it's called Fidelberg's in a sweater. Yeah, yeah, I'm a hero. Yeah, I think so Fidelberg's in a sweater. Yeah, Yamashiro? Yeah, I think so. Fidelberg's in a sweater. Pop that off real quick. Pop the top on that. Like five minutes in. Like not even five minutes in. Immediately.

The moment I heard we were walking up a hill, I was like, take my clothes off. You had to prepare yourself. Yeah. It's like I do when I'm going to go to the ocean. I'm going to get naked. I'm going to be covered in. I don't want to ruin these clothes right now because they're going to get so. You should take a page out of my book, actually.

Yeah, this is going to be better for you. These are going to gonna get so wet with sweat i want to wear them later maybe your armpits won't be drenched i'll take them off and i'll put them back on once i dry off i i was walking with my fucking thumb out i was trying to hitchhike our way up there there was no sidewalks there was no stairs we just were walking on the side of the road. And it's one of those moments we are, I would really venture to guess, out of everyone on our level that has as many downloads that we do or can sell as many tickets as we do and makes as much money and revenue as we do. Like nobody on that level has ever done something this like dirtbag like we were walking on the side of the road while cars were like like driving by like what's with these homeless people on the side of the street i'll i'll one-up you no one on any level has ever done that and i know that for a fact because it was the first thing i asked the bartender when i got inside the restaurant uh i i waited outside i I wait outside. I fan myself off, dry it off. Write that down. And then I put my sweater back on, went into the bar.

I asked the bartender. I forget his name. I said, because by the way, because at this point, Jackie is still like, it wasn't that bad, guys. She's trying to downplay it. And John asked this. I walk into the bar and I said, excuse me, bartender. How many patrons? I use the word patrons. No, I said, what me, bartender, how many patrons, I use the word patrons, what percentage of your patronage would you say walks up to this building?

And he didn't miss a beat, went, looked me dead in the eye, zero. I said, well, sir, I'd like to introduce you to five people who just fucking did it. Made history here. He was like, what? The first to ever sum it.

He was wondering why we all ordered water at a bar. He's like, what a weird group of drunks who just stumbled in here. I'm like, can I have water? They came out of the desert, and he was like, oh, oh. And he actually put a little pep in his step once he heard we walked up there. He's like, I got to get these water fast before they pass out. Five fucking morons, drenched in sweat sweat huffing and puffing i went down to the bathroom and i was immediately i'm toweling myself off some dude walked in probably for sure thought i was like an

addict or something whoa clientele this place has gone downhill real fast i'm sitting there sweating like i'll tell you what i walked into the bathroom after you you had a better experience than i did because the first thing i saw when I walked into the bathroom Was about a three year old girl In the men's room? In the men's room, yeah Talk about panic setting That's the last thing you want to get stuck with

I took a wrong turn Literally, I would put my hands up I don't know what this is I put my hands up, I put them on the wall I was like, alright, you got me I came into the children's bathroom. And luckily, to finish that story real quick, her dad was there. I turned the corner right after her, and I was like, thank God, okay.

So we went back to our children, and we had a couple cocktails. So Jackie wanted to bring us to this place for drinks. That was like a nice view. Not a very good view at all. Not a good view. It's a's not, this isn't your fault there just aren't views in LA I mean obviously you took us to the top of a mountain so we could see things

we could see for miles the only thing we could see was a sign that said trailer park let me tell you something about Los Angeles I don't think Los Angeles has anything I don't think they do well they have a lot of Danny Trejo stuff.

Danny Trejo is making cake. Everything is a Danny Trejo label. Danny Trejo's cantina, Danny Trejo's coffee and donuts, Danny Trejo's merch, Danny Trejo's hot sauce. Was there a Danny Trejo's bar, too? Sure. It was clubs, bars, Danny Trejo.

That's what we call West Hollywood. Everywhere in WeHo was Danny Trejo's face. I think that Los Angeles is one gigantic emperor's new closed city. And everybody tells each other that they're living the dream and killing it. Like, there's the famous people, for sure. And that's fine. Everyone after that, I don't think there's that many cool bars or restaurants or clubs or anything cool to see. And it's just like this place kind of sucks. I think that's the pretty resounding feeling on LA.

It kind of sucks. Yeah, like it's the weather. You have the weather. That's it. That's it. I think the weather's all right. It's a little cold, to be honest. No, I thought it was perfect. I was cool with that weather. i was cool it was nice it was the weather to me was all good and

then the rest is just like ah this kind of sucks um whereas as much as i usually rag on new york like we've only been there for like 48 hours max i'm sure they're a nice area i doubt it i really doubt it i really don't think so i really think that everybody would be like struggling to show me something cool other than like the weather. Yeah. Because also you take me anywhere where it's like look at this beautiful sunset when it's like 70 degrees. It's like yeah. All right.

Fine. But as much as I do hate New York and I always rag on it. Like there's a million places you could take me like in the drop of a hat. That's like oh this bar has like character. This is cool. Even. We did go to the New Girl Bar. That was cool.

That was cool. That was cool. That place was cool. Not only because it's the New Girl Bar but it also like is a cool spot also even i thought when we went to yamimoto or whatever i was like oh this is uh clearly uh like a tourist trap yeah oh it felt like i was at disney it was like a hibachi like i was in epcot we're at the japan epcot spot and then i've been i've been to uh i think it was the chinese restaurant in epcot very similar to felt like i went to there's a japanese steakcot Very similar to it There's a Japanese steakhouse

It's a hibachi place near my high school I felt like I went there One of the waiters walked up to you and was like this place sucks But then when we did our live show I was like That place sucks right and everyone was like no this place is awesome I was like oh okay This city sucks But

Anyway so Jackie Then takes us to a dinner spot which um electric owl which at first it it looked very much like she took us to the fancy place for like the the quick drink beginning and then took us to like a bar for dinner because when you first walk in there it looks like a dive bar and i was just ragging on her like let me have the nachos please but that ended up being like a nice i quite enjoyed the burger we'll say that um but by that point um jackie had a couple um martinis jackie was one touch of espresso if you if you think if you think that you drink fast like there's like um the professional like joey chestnut people who can like chug for a

living you know she's not that but she's like right beneath like i remember way back in the day did you did you come down for the the uh the irish truck bomb challenge i don't think you were in that that was early early uh barstool new york i did it at tin lizzy these two guys instead of doing car bombs they do truck bombs meaning instead of dropping a shot glass into a pint glass, you drop a pint glass into a pitcher. So it was a pint glass of half whiskey, half Baileys,

and you drop it into a pitcher of Guinness, and they drank them in like 6.1 seconds. It's like Pat McAfee times 10. It was like... The guy's nickname was I Drink In My Sleep versus Moose the Carpet Pisser. And they came to Tin Lizzy, and we had the whole back section.

If you ever went to Tin Lizzy RIP, we had it like kind of like roped off, like side by side, table to table, face off. And I did like a whole intro you know like uh like a walking to the ring sort of thing and it was like all right like three two one go and it was done in six seconds i was like oh that's fine okay that's it uh so she can't like chug professionally but like i was like still sipping my martini to the point that it was high enough that it was gonna spill and her shit was gone i think that like my average time like if you like there's the people who can chug and that will like lower their average time but think that my average time, there's people who can chug, and that will lower their average time,

but I think my average time of drinking everything, I think I might be the fastest drinker. I think you might be, because you're not intentionally chugging. I'll give you a run for your money on that. I think if you're not competitively, like I'm trying to drink it faster than you, if it's just like you're sitting there drinking, I think she's the fastest drinker on the planet.

That's why I always spend so much money in bars is because I drink the fastest because you loop people you'll have people and then but like I don't go to I'm not gonna go to the bar and fucking get a drink but my own mind by itself so I'm like anyone anyone and everyone's like I got a few sips I'll be done by the time you get back yeah so I come back with a full round and then they have to finish theirs and I'm like yeah because it's just like it's a safety blanket. Right.

It is like when something I say doesn't get a laugh or when I don't know how to reply to something, I have to drink by myself some time. And guess what? That happens often. Yeah. When you have crippling anxiety, it is something you lean on quite a bit. So at this point, Jackie, and Jackie also has the drunk eyes, big time. Every time Jackie finishes a drink, too, she knows that she finished before you, and she does a little shake.

Yeah! She's like, ah, I'm just drunk with my drink over here. Look at this empty drink I got in my hands. I was going to say, I think it's a competition for her all the time because she always brings up how she beats us, and it's like we are just doing a happy hour. Yeah, we're just trying to sit here, bitch. So now she's got the drunk guys going

and when jackie's drunk i need i we gotta like we gotta like sneak some cameras in somehow and get the jackie drunk show because that is the funniest routine on the planet it's it's it's comedic genius when i'm not i'm not even kidding like i was sober for most of the night and i was howling laughing and i was drunk and I was laughing so it works for both and um she proceeds to tell us this uh story about the Griffiths observatory where she was almost uh date raped and the laughs got so high the last got so loud and all of a sudden this noise comes out I would say emanates. Emanates.

Yeah. This noise emanates from the cockles of her heart. From the fucking Italian sausage. Let's hopefully attract. This is exactly what you think. This is how an Italian sausage would laugh. The second. I'm not kidding. That was even the funniest one of my whole life.

It just keeps going. Run it back. Run it back. Now that you know what you're listening for. Your laugh is just as good. I don't think I've ever heard you laugh that hard in my life. I was like, it was, it was, it sounds. Jackie, you have emphysema.

You got worse than that. You got, like, asbestosis. You got to get a class action lawsuit. The only sound I've ever heard that I can even compare it to is the grape lady viral video. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She falls over. It's the next morning. Like I didn't really fully remember that.

And all I remembered was saying like, I'm a lady. The laugh was so unladylike. So it was so Italian sauce. Like, like, like you guys were all talking about how you love, uh,

what was it? That we should send that, that clip to Seth Rogen And be like hey if you're introducing a new sausage Make it have this sound This laugh would be pretty good for it And these are things like so You know I'm sure many groups have

Sat around and somebody had a funny laugh And a funny moment but The five of us at this restaurant jackie barking like a seal while we are we're acting like uh it's the dunk contest like we're falling over holding each other back it's like it's like when david blaine does does magic tricks for an nfl locker room like we are falling over chairs we are there are people on a date there's people like just like parents there's everybody are there are people on a date there's people like just like parents there's everybody trying to have a nice dinner and there's jackie going

while we howl laughing and um and i thought it was just something like that just happened like in the moment i don't know like you're sick you know we've been talking a lot whatever but no this is something jackie always does pad was like you sick you know we've been talking a lot whatever but no this is something Jackie always does Pat was like you guys haven't heard this yet you hadn't heard yet right? I never so I think this is something that comes out after a few drinks And when we're really letting it rip when when like Jackie you know when girls are was like I am an alter ego Jackie has another side to her that's like the non-professional side, and it's so funny It's so funny, and so now we heard that sound so now she's Jackie because she sounds like a fucking dragon

I want to be able to point her and just go to car That's wait wait wait, okay I want to break it down because there's a there's a cough There's a cough laugh, and then you think it's gonna end and then the second noise comes out I'm so happy it actually translates because it was about I was afraid it was gonna be something like you had to be there But I think it I think it comes through out on the table Yeah, that's it's that second little crescendo where it goes for another like five seconds Right here stops and then it sounds like someone who got like hit in the throat right oh it is it's so good and then but yeah but no apparently this has been going on since she was in the fourth fucking grade when uh it actually you know when people ask how do you get a job here or whatever

you know and it's kind of like i don't know there's no answer right yeah uh and sometimes it seems like there's not even a formula but like there is and it's not an intentional one but when jackie tells you that she now does a dragon noise when she laughs because when she was in the fourth grade people used to pull on her hair and she would make a honking noise and people just used to do it to her so much and because she was just like the sad clown who had to perform for the audience all the time she just did it every single time someone tugged on her ponytail to the point that the doctor said it is but it is like a lifetime of entertainment yes like even when you even when you weren't like intending to do it you were in the fourth grade being like i'm the clown i want to know what the original sound was like.

She can't even do it anymore. She said her vocal cords got fried. Because in the fourth grade. Imagine people just. Give it an attempt. Yeah. Come on, sweaty. Imagine people just walking up to Jackie and pulling her ponytail like a church bell and I'm just bang dong and every time she just has to bellow that out to the point that you know

20 years later she's fucking barking at the restaurant it was I've never laughed so fucking hard man it was it was one of those moments where i was like we got it like this team needs to put out more content we need to be writing we need to be recording we need a fucking reality show we need cameras at all times that's been this episode of the boys honestly we might have to end my guest that way we're gonna end up being the biggest fans of internet Thank you.