KFC Radio - A KFC Radio Milestone: Baby's First Hangover Ft. MJF

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

- Jackie takes the desk today while Feits is home suffering from his first major hangover - Is Wrestling hot? - Reality TV shows - KFC gets nervous over a One Minute Man of his going viral - Ime Udoka scandal - Dog sh**s in woman's mouth / Mom carries sons baby - KFC got some snazzy new sneakers - Video Voicemails - OMM news - Salem Witch Trials / mushrooms - trading luches - MJF Interview on his Mt. Rushmore of wrestlers, why he is the greatest wrestler right now, his next career moves, and much more +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - Intro 9:27 - Wrestling / Reality TV 19:15 - Feits gets his first hangover 41:04 - KFC gets nervous over post 45:29 - Ime Udoka scandal 52:40 - dog sh**s in woman's mouth 1:02:52 - KFC's new sneakers 1:06:24 - Video Voicemails 1:33:45 - MJF Interview +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Betterhelp: Go to https://barstool.link/BHKFC for 10% off your first month Blue Nile: Go to https://barstool.link/bluenileBSS and use code KEVIN for $50 off your purchase of $500 or more Gametime: Download the Gametime app and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Ridge Wallet: Go to https://barstool.link/RidgeBSS and use code KFC for 10% off your order Roman: Go to https://barstool.link/ROMANkfc to get 20% off your first order of swipesYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I opened them up at first and I was like, why do these shoes come with a fucking USB cord? And it's like, oh, because they light up. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Jackie in the fucking... Jackie sitting shotgun eating. I literally just started right as I put a bite in my mouth. Well, you know, welcome to the big leagues, man.

Where they hate if you eat on the microphone. Oh, she's fucking picking a fight already. Who else do you know would be on camera? What, two weeks after her nose job? Not even. This is Monday. Wednesday

would be the two weeks. This girl is grinding. I don't stop. You know, and also now it looks like she's just been in a fight. Now it looks like she's got her hood up. Yeah, when you have the hood up, it's like, holy shit. That girl's from the streets. But now it's like to the point where... Jackie, closer to the mic.

Sorry. Some things don't change., closer to the mic. Sorry. Some things don't change. Closer to the mic. It's to the point where like I think it looks the same. Like now that it's swollen, it kind of looks the same straight on a little bit. It's probably like a little swollen. But then like my side profile, look how cute that is. I mean that's what you want, right?

That's what I wanted. That's what it was all about. Isn't it so funny how like a smidge here or a little weight here or a little bit bigger there. You know what I mean? And it changes your whole fucking life. I'm like so – like I feel like it probably doesn't even look any different. No, but that doesn't matter. It doesn't even matter. I feel like they potentially could have swole you up and,

and told you they did everything and kept the same nose on your face. And the placebo effect would have worked because you just feel like there's no, in some cases you go from like a, you didn't have like a fucking honker that needed to be, you know, taken off, but you felt that way.

So that's all that matters, you know? But you know taken off but you felt that way so that's all that matters you know but you know the amount of it's also so narcissistic to think that like anybody out here is even caring about your nose it's you know i mean the people like so many people's reactions were like we like i right just because like and like don't get me wrong like i love my whole face before but it's just hard to not like nitpick like one. Sure. I mean, that's what you, that's what people do is they look at like their own, you know, like, oh, my, my one eyelid's a little bigger. It's like nobody can even, they're all seeing you from at least like 10 feet away, but you act like, you know, carry yourself so differently when you have it.

Yeah. It's, it's crazy narcissistic. Yeah. I know that it's actually a good way to put it. It's so like if you didn't – you're just so vain, Jackie. You're so vain. I've never denied that. Right?

I'm not happy because of my nose or something on my face or whatever. And if the doctors fix it, I will be a happy person then. Yeah, exactly. Well, because I knew it was just if I carried myself differently. Like if I just – now I just – it's probably not going to make a difference person then. Yeah, exactly. Well, because I knew it was just if I carried myself differently, like if I just, you know, like now I just, it's probably not gonna make a difference to anybody. But to you.

But now I'm like, because like every time I would like take a photo or something like that, I'd be like, oh my God, I can't post that. I hate the way that I post that. Yeah. And I'm waiting to see,

like there's so many photos I would post, like if not, so if this does come out cute, if not, that's kind of sad. But like if it does come out cute, I'm just gonna post all the photos that like I didn't want to post because I didn't like my nose. It's just, I'm just so excited. And like, if it does come out cute, I'm just going to post all the photos that like, I didn't want to post cause I didn't like my nose.

And it's just, and then you, and now, and then even if people are like, Oh, you had, you had a big nose back then. It's like,

well, I don't now. So fuck it. Yeah. Yeah. But also don't condone like nobody fucking needs it. Like nobody's, it's not gonna make a difference to anybody else.

You know what? I'm a big, I condone it. I say everybody get a nose job. Yeah. Right. Fuck it. Fuck it.

You know what? You're not like Corona's like find your beach. Yeah. It's everybody get a nose job. Yeah. Right? Fuck it. Fuck it. You know what? You're not like Corona's like find your beach. Yeah. It's like find your nose job. Yeah. Find the thing that will make you feel better and either attain it by like working out or eating or doing changing jobs or whatever it is. And if you can't do it naturally, fucking pay for it.

But I saw this poem. Life's too short to not pay for things that you can fix. Put that on a t-shirt. Love that. Right? Just like. Life's too short to not life's too short to not pay for things that you can fix put that on a t-shirt love that right just like life's too short to be poor

there's a that's a great one that's a great one Paris Hill in style stop being poor life is too short to be poor life's too short

to be ugly if you can fix it fucking fix it yeah yeah just like for you if you want to but a counter argument i just saw

this poem and it made me kind of sad because it was like poetry huh yeah yeah okay it's shel silverstein does anybody know oh hell yeah where the sidewalk ends okay yeah she had blue skin and so did he he kept it hid and so did she they searched for blue their whole life through and then they passed right by and they never knew and then it's like this like people with masks and like you know whatever and it's just so sad because it's like oh you know that is like the she had blue skin and so did he he kept it hid and so did she they searched for blue so they yeah they they didn't even know that they were each other's match like exactly it's like what if there's like somebody else yeah i think that's more about personality though then well yeah but it's like i don't know

you like people that look like you and like it's like what if i'm like yeah so jackie's like i'm not gonna date anybody with an ugly nose yeah yeah but like cute nose is only up in here bitch yeah i guess i feel like that's definitely though about like hiding a part of your personality because you don't want other yeah yeah yeah okay okay cool then i'm not hiding a part of your personality because you don't want other people Yeah yeah yeah okay okay cool then I'm not hiding any part of my personality I mean you are definitely not hiding any part of your personality Not a single bit of you is

hidden anymore That's the gig. I was so proud of how much you put your face on blast And it was so freeing to just be like I look so gross like right now normally I would put on like a little bit of makeup. Fuck it. There's nothing better than when you are ugly and you have an excuse.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to raw dog my face right now because I can fall back on. Like if you get done up and people think you're ugly, you're in trouble. But you can just be like, yeah, I'm fucking ugly. I haven't washed my hair and my face is like falling apart because it just got smashed to pieces by a doctor yeah fuck it fuck it and it was so nice and i like i could just i felt like i could like just say whatever i want because i was just like i i don't have to be like pretty or anything right

now love it she's in the uh in the the the she's sitting shotgun because Feidelberg is out. And let me tell you why after I tell you about Roman, where you can make sure that you last longer in bed, which is, let me first start by saying, it's crazy we even have to address this issue, that you goddamn bitches are still just mad that guys don't last long enough in bed. Well, it's just how it goes. I don't know.

Don't have pussies that feel so good. What do you want me to do for it? It's preposterous that we're supposed to last long. Have you felt one of those things? You don't even know what it feels like. If for just one day we could switch parts and all the girls in the world

could be like oh my god no wonder it only lasts 10 seconds do you feel this thing it is crazy like I really cannot fathom what having

a dick would feel like like that's like when I can't the thought of getting like filled up is what weirds me out like you guys just get

fucking stuffed like a turkey you know it's like like the other day when me and Fidelberg were just doing that thing where we push on our belly buttons filled up is what weirds me out. You guys just get fucking stuffed like a turkey. The other day when me and Fennelberg were doing that thing where we push on our belly buttons. Even that feels weird. I can't imagine a whole dick constantly penetrating me. But it feels weird to have a body part inside somebody. Yeah.

It's really weird. And then it just goes up when it goes up. You gotta keep it down. It's just so funny. Dicks are so funny. But also, what's weirder? That or that you guys just have a hole?

Like there's just a hole hanging out of your body, you know? You guys have holes too. Yeah, but your other hole is like a fucking, just a hole, man. Yeah. Like I remember Asa Akira saying she doesn't sleep naked at night because she thinks spiders are going to crawl in there. I am. You know, like people say you swallow seven spiders a year she thinks spiders are going to crawl in there. I do.

People say you swallow seven spiders a year. What about the ones that crawl in your fucking pussy? Is that a thing? No, it's not a thing. I don't know. It could be a thing. They could just kind of get in there. They could just get in there, yeah.

Just a couple of those arms. Ew, ew, ew, ew. Just pop in, you know? Ew, ew, ew, ew. Anyway. Anyway. Roman swipes. Let me have a couple boxes floating around yeah right here damn let me show you how this works now here's the other thing though if you were sleeping with some guy and he was like hang on one second i gotta take this out and do that i'd be

like that's that's generous it's like all yeah like i feel like people need to hide it and it's like why do you have to hide it yeah it's like yo hang on one second this is gonna make sex better yeah wait one minute the same way that i don't know sometimes girls are like let me freshen up real quick let me change we put on this lingerie let me let's like get on the bed let's put on the music whatever also let me just give a little swipe with the roman swipes this is all gonna make sex better yeah it's also good to just like wipe your dick off too. Great point. Nobody wants a dirty dick. GetRoman.com slash KFC. Nobody wants a dirty dick.

You can go and get 20% off the Roman swipes today at GetRoman.com slash KFC. So today, Jackie's riding shotgun because no final board. We'll talk about that in a second. We've got MJF, Maxwell J. Freemaneman the best and fastest rise fastest rising star in professional wrestling today who is an absolute fucking electric factory talk about a guy who doesn't need to get surgery or uh any of that shit for he has no lack of confidence he's he's a a uh he he he raises the level of long island like like Paz and all his trash cohorts at Long Island. And JF brings you guys up several notches just by himself. When he just walks in, I just straight myself up.

Yeah, yeah. He is no fucking joke. No. He's 26. Yeah. He is on a trajectory that is unheard of. Do you think that's real confidence? Yes.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that like part of his wrestling shtick is like a guy who – if someone was actually like him, like his wrestling shtick, I'd be like that's insecure confidence. Yeah. But what he's doing is like an act of that.

So I think it's – It's actual. You know what I mean and these guys the way they stay in like character their whole like their whole life is they're just so like committed to that shit could you date a wrestler or an MMA fighter or like a that's probably like a boxer

the lowest on my list in terms of sports why? boxer 1000 wrestler 1000 that could or would not would you would date a wrestler boxer why that's hot but wrestling is not wrestling is not even though the like like these guys are like basically actors and i think entertaining the masses i respect the sport a lot you don't you don't you don't think that it is. Entertaining the masses. I respect the sport a lot. You don't think The Rock is cool? Oh, I mean, The Rock is cool, obviously. You don't think Logan Paul's cool?

Well, that's not wrestling. Logan Paul's, yeah, he's wrestling. Oh, he is wrestling? Yeah. Okay, well, that's Logan Paul for different reasons. Why? What's the reason? Well, it's just because Logan Paul is Logan Paul.

I don't worship him, but I think that he's probably a pretty cool guy, but not because of the wrestling. I think that wrestling when you get just like the little be careful here, girl. No, I know. I was wrestling fans. Did you just hear the way she said the little little bitch boys in your little leotard dressing like the girly man. Are we talking about WWE or are we talking about wrestling

like KB does? Oh, I'm talking about WWE. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. But I'm saying, but I respect, I respect this sport a lot. Like when I went to Vegas,

I was like, this is so cool. They are so cool. I'm saying in terms of like dating and like me being attracted to that, just innately, I'm just not attracted to that because like, you know, like I... The not attracted to that. Because, you know, The little leotards.

What if they did it in a cool outfit? It's also just seeing them rolling around with other men. I just feel like this is dangerous territory in general. I mean, I respect the sport a lot. That is very cool.

That is like the the stigma and like the scarlet letter of wrestling is kind of what you said people you're wrestling in other men in your underwear the other side of it is that i i mean they entertain arenas full of people like hanging on every whim of their they're like scripted actors who like perform live every single fucking week yeah and it's also like they're putting their brains on the line too. I think I just don't get it enough. I just, again, from that one experience, I was like, okay, this is cool. I bet I could get you into wrestling.

Like doing it? No. Oh. Being a fan of it. Like you're actually not the most like typical girly girl when it comes to like reality tv and all that shit right i mean i love love island with my whole heart okay never mind yeah so then i could definitely get you into wrestling i think okay because like there's just all these storylines and like the wrestling like mjf on the today, he has not wrestled in six months. Yeah. All he does is captivate people with his, like him talking.

So it's like a reality show that occasionally there's some fighting, but it's more about like the storylines and the, it's like a scripted reality show, which I know kind of doesn't make sense. The show Glow compares it to a soap opera at one point. Yeah. And I think that is very accurate. It's a soap opera with some physical... Do you watch Love is Blind?

No, but I watched a little bit but I watched the full thing. Bro, they had the reunion. First of all, spoiler alert, Love is super not blind. Nobody, none of them worked. None of the relationships worked and some of them were probably just because like,

you know, you're not as hot as I wanted you to be. But all of it is like, they all break up after like six months because they're like, it's not working and I don't know you. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to fight through this rough patch of our relationship.

I've only known you for like three months. Peace. Yeah, obviously it's not going to work. It's also like maybe if they didn't have to propose at the end of love as well. That's the whole thing, right?

That's the thing. It should be like you date at the end. But that should be the bachelor. That should be all these things and that's what

makes it not fun. It's got to be like you got to fucking commit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then all of them are like, never mind, I want a divorce.

What we should do it is like do it in a society where like you can't get a divorce. Then I'd be interested. Like put your fucking chips on the line man or like you put up some money and it's like if you get divorced you lose this money because then let's see how let's see who who proposes and who doesn't yeah because these guys are all like okay sounds good get

my instagram followers peace out never mind yeah you know i just they do that i could ever like love is blind like you gotta see somebody's face yeah i mean what just to know them as a whole person like know their how they react to things how they what what does their nose look like what if somebody saw your old honker they'd be like this girl sucks exactly i can't date this girl with his big schnoz not anymore not anymore bitches love island is the one where you get deducted no no what is love that is oh my god it is so good it is like you're all on an island it's boys and girls and there's like an even amount usually like sometimes it's uneven and then you just like they just just live just live on the

island you like couple up is there a competition aspect or no there's like some uh competition like games and everything but you just like you have a bed and they're all like it is such authentic relationships like you could truly see like this couple actually goes together they're not just in it for the whatever like because you spend so much time that like it's too hard to fake it like i feel like you go like hyperdrive it's like we've only been together six weeks but we spent like 18 hours a day together like with bachelor it's like you're just you actually only end up going on a few dates with them you don't actually like you could fake it for that time but like love island it's like if you don't like that person like you were sharing your bed with them you're waking up with them also the thing about

i was thinking about too hot to handle is the other one where you can't fuck each other um they set you up in like the most romantic aphrodisiac of all time you're on a in a villa on the beach yeah everybody's half naked they pump you full of booze yeah of course you fell in love this is the most amazing it's like a honeymoon right away yeah exactly so of course you're like fuck each other's brains out and love each other and shit you're watching sunsets and you're eating gourmet food and drinking wine and yeah but also it's not because then they send in other people and there's competition well that yeah that might be you know that's a different i mean you dipped your toe in

the in the reality world would you dip your toe in the reality like dating show type world uh i mean i would love to would you do a love island i would um love island seems like a lot that actually like i think that they're gonna like i think that they're gonna like go back and say like this is pretty fucked up that we did this because why because they invite like exes and shit like they like yeah they do sometimes but like this season especially i haven't finished it but like apparently there was like true bullying on there like the girls who came in like really confident were like broken by the end like it is like oh yeah that'll you can't like you can't like lock somebody on an island like they have no phones. They have no way of... They don't even let them know the time of day

unless you can tell the sign. It's crazy shit. I don't even know. Is it dinner time? I don't know. Yeah, they don't give them clocks. It's just crazy. Out of all this shit,

Jackie's like, they don't even have clocks. I just think it's crazy. Well, because it's messed up because all the phones say different times specifically to confuse them. Oh, that is fucked. Yeah, right? Now's messed up because all the phones say different times specifically to confuse them. Oh, that is fucked.

Yeah, right? So now they're just like, are you sure? I don't know. That sounds like a made up thing. I saw one TikTok of it. That sounds like maybe one of the clocks was broken and that was it. Okay, yeah, maybe. I don't know.

I think you would be very funny on Too Hot to Handle. So that's the one where there's like a prize of money and every time you do something sexual, they take away money and then at the end you have to split it up because I think you would just get like hammered for a few weeks and be like,

I don't fucking care. Like everyone else is like, I'm so, I have to fuck this person, Jackie. Anybody want to play cornhole out here? We're doing shuffleboard.

Come on over. I've got high noons and shuffleboard. Let's do it. We're playing kings. We're playing kings.. Come on over. I've got high noons and shuffleboard. Let's do it. Playing Kings. We're playing Kings. Yeah. Oh, God.

I haven't even gotten my Kings fix. We need to play Kings. I think you're so simplistically happy. Thank you. Yeah. That's really nice. Yeah. I guess so.

Yeah. I think you'd be great on that though because they would be like what is happening you know it's like you and Feidelberg playing yeah like playing cards on the beach or something what is going on with this girl

did she bring her own cards so Jackie is here today because Feidelberg this I should have let off with this I got sidetracked this is a watershed moment Feidelberg, this, I should have let off with this. I got sidetracked. This is a watershed moment for KC Radio.

You can mark this down on the calendar. This is the first time John Henry Feidelberg has missed work because of a hangover. And that is a all-time moment that I wasn't sure if it was ever gonna happen i wasn't sure if it if it was gonna happen whether it was me like he hasn't missed like anything in the world he's slept through things but if he's awake and conscious he's always like okay enough to go somewhere and for for years, he would be like, what, what is that? Like, what do you even mean when you say you're hungover? I'm like, what the fuck do you mean? What do I mean? You mean I have a fucking terrible headache. I'm dehydrated. I have a terrible taste in my mouth. I feel like I'm going to throw up at any given

moment. My legs feel like there was a little midget chasing me around a little baseball bat, just banging me in my legs all night long. Right? The deep. Fuck, you guys get that? No. Oh, my God. The deep pain. You guys don't get that? No.

Oh, the deep. Because you're just cripplingly dehydrated. Yeah. No, I get that. My legs ache like fucking crazy. And it feels like someone's just beating me the whole time. And he's just like, yeah, no. I don't get any of that.

I didn't believe that until today. Because he was like, he was miserable and i was like okay do you want like tylenol he was like oh i don't would that help and i was like yeah that would help and then and then he like was complaining about like his stomach hurting i was like you haven't eaten food like you gotta eat well that's the thing is he's usually anything like you gotta fight you can't cure hangover but you can fight it right you eat some foods that you like i actually think they say like the greasy food does scientifically help i've never thought that but you eat some greasy food you have your electrolytes you get you drink your revitalite you you get some rest and it helps you know the only thing that helps the only thing that cures it is

time he doesn't know how to do any of it because he never has to he hasn't had to do it yet the thought of tylenol wasol was baffling to him that's one thing like we used to always say that Tylenol is fake and then once you get the hangover or the headache and you take it you're like oh I see

because it's not one of those things it's not like a morphine where you're like whoa I feel it it's more like you just all of a sudden realize like oh wait a minute I'm actually doing my work yeah and i'm not like my head's not pounding i don't know if it is placebo but i did i didn't take any for the nose job i didn't take any of the like the heavy pills because i was like way too scared i just took straight tylenol and like it worked and you're fine yeah yeah he he shout out tylenol he uh i remember when um when when brett farve was going through like all his shit back in the

day and they said he was addicted to painkillers i was a little kid i thought they meant like tylenol like i didn't i didn't know that painkillers was like a narcotic i thought they're talking about like advil i thought he got oh he's addicted to ibuprofen uh feidelberg for 33 years now has never either either never had a hangover never admitted he had a hangover or never had a bad enough hangover that he like talked about it or like it affected him. This is the first one. That's a pretty good run to be 33 and,

and not, you know, this is the first time ever, but it's like, you, you have to like, he deserves that at this point. It's like,

it's part, it's character building. Like, yeah, it's kind of like, it's kind of like my whole thing it at this point. It's like, it's character building. Yeah. It's kind of like my whole thing about getting heartbroken. Like, I have to get heartbroken at some point. But, like, you have to feel like a crippling hangover where, like, you can't function. Well, I always said the hangovers are a necessary evil. If there was no hangovers, the world would, like, cease to exist.

Yeah. Everybody would just party all the time until like everyone's fired no one's making money and the world spins off its access you have to have hangovers to slow people down he didn't get hangovers so guess what he didn't slow down yeah so that's why he's a mad man and able to drink more than anybody in the world now what i'm worried about though is what if it's like he's going to play catch up? And let's say like I've had so many hangovers that this is my hangover experience, right? He hasn't had hangovers, but he's going to fill up that same amount of space in a much shorter amount of time. He deserves it.

Sorry. But like you have to have your maximum hangover capacity or whatever. That's what I'm saying. If you can think of like a hangover tank you know and we all slowly fill it up he was at zero forever and it's like what the fuck man fuck you but what if all of his hangover misery is gonna get smashed into you know two years that's so like like like everybody relatively without generalizing you stop drinking and partying like hardcore in like your mid-30s because you just die. Like eventually,

his didn't start though till early 30s. So what if these next two years are just going to be crippling for him? That'd be so funny. That'd be hilarious. It would be unbelievable actually. I was thinking the other day, this is like just because you're talking about the tank.

Like what, how would the world be different if we had like a certain amount of like orgasms yeah yeah like like like 100 and then that's it and that's it that's we've we've done a question like that before like if you had a finite number of orgasms would you would you masturbate would you jerk off would you oh or would you save them, you have to save them. But like, you know, that's like, what if, you know, all of a sudden you're 88 years old and you're like, I saved 79 orgasms for a guy that never came. Like the dick never showed up, you know?

Yeah, but I mean, then at like 50, you start to catch them in. Well, but that's so like, if you told me right now that I only have 100 orgasms left. Yeah. I'm thinking I want to save those orgasms for like sex. But I guess it doesn't really matter. Well, like, yeah, I guess. Like, do you want to if I would not be able to control myself, I would have 100 orgasms as soon as they all happen. I wouldn't ever stop.

That would be terrible. I think you've got to save them for yourself. So you would save them for jerking off? That's the moment you've got to share with yourself. You can't let anybody else experience that with you. Those would be gone in two months. Four Sundays, forget about it. Four Sundays and they're gone, dude.

I think, though, I guess technically if you couldn't have an orgasm, does that mean you last longer? Or does that mean your dick just stops working but you never felt the feeling? But then the girl would be like, oh, I get it. You're not going to use your orgasm on me? Yeah. That would be kind of fucked up. You're not going to use your orgasm on me? Yeah. Like that would be kind of fucked up. That's like, you're not going to know this. Did you ever watch Seinfeld?

No. You're too young for that. She has a thing called a sponge, which is kind of like a female condom. But they're like, she only has a finite amount of them. So she's like, are you sponge worthy or not? But did you use a sponge with me? I never got, what is a sponge, Nick? You know what I'm talking about, right?

The episode? I only just realized like in the past year that that was a sexual thing. Yeah. Like, I saw that as a kid. I was like, they're using a sponge

in the shower. She's giving him a loofah. I think it's something like, you know, it's so stuff to come, I think. It's funny because if it was,

like that would probably be like a new milestone in like a relationship is like, okay, we're going to use our orgasms tonight. Yeah. yeah i mean it would be banging like you're like when you cashed in an orgasm it would be like oh shit you know i just think i would need it to be like a little more than 100 you know it's over the counter but did it wait the the story in seinfeld

was that like they couldn't make them anymore did that that first paragraph said something about it becoming scarce is that real i think so that they like couldn't make them anymore female condom right what would you do what would you do if you're hooking up with a guy and you say like do you have a condom and he's like yeah and he pulls out a fucking female condom what would you do i would slap him in the fucking face the least the least that you could do if I asked for a condom is use a fucking condom

have a dick one after yeah after all the shit that I go through to make sure what if he was just like oh like I'm sorry

I thought that's what you meant like I have female condoms in my drawer like what I'd be like no you don't I mean it's it's literally like a bag

that you throw in your yeah yeah yeah have you ever seen it I don't even I do not even know how I'd put that in there it's like that big wait no you don't it's literally like a bag that you throw in your vagina yeah yeah yeah have you ever seen it I do not even know how I'd put that in there it's like that big wait so I don't understand so you just stick one end

I think it's imagine if you had like a little garbage bag yeah and you just put that shit in there I swear to god look that up too the female condom

is one of the most like the least used things ever like there was probably somebody back in the 80s who was like there was probably somebody back in like the 80s who was like i'm gonna get into the female condom game yeah and he put his life savings into it and built like a factory to make them and then it was like oh wait never mind nobody's doing this look at that look how big that bag is compared to the regular condom oh my god and then it just like kind of lines the inside of you it's like literally putting a garbage bag in a garbage can.

But I don't understand because there's a hole at the end. Oh, no. No, no, no. There can't be a hole at the end. And then you just fuck the bag and come in the bag. And then I think you just do one of these like tie it up and throw it out sort of thing. I feel like the dick would kind of like either shove it in more or like it would come off. I think the outside is like it goes on the outside a decent amount.

I mean, it looks just like a big pussy bag, which is so unbelievably not sexy and attractive. It's just one of the, you know, you're definitely too young for this too. VCRs versus, you know Betamax, Nick? Yeah, but never really used it. Like back in the day, it was like there are two different tape players. One is VCR, you know Betamax, Nick? Yeah, but never really used it. Back in the day, there were two different tape players. One is VCR and one is Betamax.

We'll see who ended up, and obviously VCR crushed them. It was probably male condoms versus female condoms. Which company is going to work? I wonder if you used it, if you just wore it before, you probably wouldn't have to ruin the moment by putting it ruin the moment by putting or you just put a bag in at

dinner hey baby I'm bagged up imagine you're in the restaurant is like don't worry I'm bagged up right now we won't even have to like wait you can do you think you would hear like a windbreaker when you're walking just yeah yeah it's like i think she's bagged up right now bitch is back anyway though the the orgasms you know what's fucked up is sometimes if i'm doing like um well it's kind of weird but like if i'm doing like, well, it's kind of weird, but if I'm doing abs, something will go wrong. This is like a thing. And then I'll accidentally have an orgasm.

Nothing comes out. It's not like cum, but it's just like the orgasm sensation. During your ab workout, you cum. It's not cum. You have an orgasm. Yes. Sometimes. Not all the time. if i if i if i overdo it we're talking crunches or leg lifts or what it's like leg lifts anytime like the pelvis is like above i don't i looked it up because i was like what the fuck bro i know what i know

a workout i'd be doing but like you can't stop it like no because it like hurts like my like ovaries after like i like it's not a good orgasm like it i mean it feels great at the time it's not it's not like the same as like is it from like friction or no no no no no it's from it's something about like my pelvic floor i think it's like i think i have to go to like pelvic floor give me give me a search on this one pads like uh female orgasm during ab workout corgasm yeah a corgasm that is and it's like anytime like it's weak or whatever i've i've heard of uh this happening with guys actually what just like kinky weird like weird people like guys who if you if you like edge yourself yeah and you don't come for like a month or whatever it is and then you do

like an ab workout you'll just fucking bust are they like gym rats who do that probably i i don't know i think they're just they're just rats there's like human rats who are just like freaks yeah um but i don't know why i guess so if you think about it just like your g-spot or something's getting hit yeah and it's i don't know like what have you been at the gym this has happened yeah and you are you just like i'll just keep a straight face no i'm not like i'm not like i'll just be like what is happening right now So you'll just be lifting your legs Yeah That's very funny But I'd be pissed If I had only

My 75th On a fucking sit up Yeah because once you feel it coming You're not going to edge yourself and shake it off How about if you had It wasn't a finite number It was an infinite number if you had, it wasn't a finite number, it was an infinite number, but you had to earn them?

Like what if it was like, Oh, doing what? I don't know. What if it was like for every workout you did or every book you read or every good deed you did or whatever?

Yeah. Because I think I'd end up just orgasming. Or even like a group of guys that actually had to like make sure the girl, like, you know? whatever yeah because i think i'd end up just orgasm or even like a group of guys like actually had to like make sure the girl like you know i just i just don't get it i don't get i never really have and i don't understand it now i've talked to pavs a little bit about it i don't know if it's an age thing or what i just don't get how guys struggle so you're just like pulling paths aside tell me about this i just don't get how guys struggle so mightily with making girls

come i've joked about it for years and it's difficult i understand it's much more difficult but the way that it's either portrayed whether it's in jokes or tv or whatever, it's kind of like, are you guys struggling this much? Cause it's, it's, it's not, you know, I mean, like at the end of the day,

you just got to get all up in there. Yeah. It's not like it's something where it's like the only way they can come is if you like lift them over your head while you're having sex. So it's like, I physically can't do it. Anybody can get in there and just rattle around. Yeah.

I don't, I just, it doesn't, we spoke about eating girls out. That's the big thing too. The guys just don't do it anybody can get in there and just rattle around yeah i don't it just it doesn't we spoke about eating girls out that's the big thing too the guys just don't do it right my group of friends like it's split in half it's rather like crazy every single time i'm gonna eat a grot or half it's like dude are you gay that you're so fucking gay you lick pussy that i never i that blew me away i thought because i was talking to girls from like maybe not Gen – what's the youngest? Gen X?

I don't know. It was like in between, like mid to late 20s. Yeah. So you're not old like me. You're not like a new like TikTok kid. And I was like, ah, bullshit. I just don't believe it that like these guys just never go down on you. But he was kind of like, yeah, some of my friends just will not do it.

I don't really care about that. You don't care about that? I don't really. That screams insecurity to me. I get so in my head when I'm being eaten out or whatever. Yeah. That I'm just like, it's not worth it. I don't like when people give me massages because I'm like, they don't want to be doing this.

They don't want to be doing this. They don't want to be doing this. That's crazy. And I get so like. That you think that way about oral sex is fucked. Which is something to talk to a therapist about because I think it it's something I don't think I'm worth it or something. Well, I mean, yeah, but I also think that's a whole...

That's what their generation of guys is doing to you. I don't think I'll allow a blowjob for more than a minute because I'm like, alright, you've done enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel bad. These kids are crazy. These kids are nuts. i don't know i think

it's i i definitely have had the feeling like if you're lasting too long it's like oh i'm sorry this is like a full-blown workout for you now this is a whole mess now this is yeah we can stop but then that's even worse when you're like just stop you can let the tap it's like well there goes their self-esteem um i'll tell you what for guys I wish it was easier to fake it as a guy because you can't really fake it. I wish there were times you could just be like, oh, and then you're like, stop. What fights talk about how like where is it? Like show me the proof. Yeah, show me the proof.

There are times like I've had to spit on the couch or spit on like the bed. It's right there. You have spit on the couch? I've spit on like the sheets and on the sheets and it's right there. Because I just knew I wasn't... During head or regular sex? Probably happened two or three times, but during sex.

Yeah, because I was going to say, if her head's down there... I just knew I wasn't going to cum and I was probably too drunk. That's some quick thinking, dude. Yeah, and then I was just like, why is she not looking? And she was doing it from like, show me where it is sort of thing? Yeah, and then I was just like, why is she not looking? Right there.

And she was doing it from like a show me where it is sort of thing. Yeah, like where you go. That's crazy to me. I can understand if it's like I'm going to fake it, and then we're going to be laying in bed together, so I've got to make sure there's something there. But to be like she's going to be looking for the cum, fuck, what do I do? You probably shouldn't hook up with that girl anymore. She's a little crazy.

That is a wild move. He's probably like this guy does not cum that much at all that's a very little bit of come um man this is the things you learn wow you i i also though it's like unless your dick game is great who are you to be like i don't eat i don't need girls out it's like well guess what nobody's gonna want to fuck you dude yeah yeah you are not making anybody come yeah that like again i don't want it but i i appreciate the effort normally it's like no it's fine like whatever but like i it's like the you know the thought that counts yeah it's a thought that's like you get the start to go down you're like just come back up here yeah yeah exactly interesting yeah that should be the that's it yeah at least you if you make that's how you get your point

it's like reaching for your wallet to pay for dinner yeah exactly you pretend to pay for dinner i'll pretend to go down on you and we'll call it a quick yeah we'll call it a relationship that is fucking hilarious the spit though man because i there's like all those jokes about like uh rusty dirty sanchez and rusty this and that and i think one of them is like you spit on their back to make them think they cum but you actually do that yeah I think that one ends differently way differently yeah yeah yeah that one's horrible a lot of those were like full

blown rapey things that we were just like and then you punch her in the face afterwards there's that one right the jelly donut is like you cum on their face and then you punch them so they're bleeding it's like that one's not funny dude they cum on their face and then bash their nose in the one where it's like you come on their face and then you punch them so they're bleeding. It's like, that one's not funny, dude. They come on their face and then bash their nose in.

The one where it's like, yes, fix it, fix it. There's one where it's like you leave and you switch with a buddy and then you go outside the window and wave to her. Yes, yes. Could you imagine? That is rape, brother. Do you know that one? No. It's like, I think they call it the twin or whatever it is.

You're having sex from behind and your buddy slides in. You have to be facing a window. Yeah. You're looking out the window. You slide in. I slide out. Then I'm like hello and it's like someone else is fucking you. That's rape. That's rape. Jesus. But it would be

if it was somehow not it would be funny that is like a great if you were in like a throuple or something like that yeah and it was okay and it's like

oh I thought that you know John was back there and it's oh it's Timmy that would be very funny but in every other situation full blown rape yeah yeah yeah so let's stay away from that one

what would if you had the earn your orgasm thing what would be the worst thing that you would do, have to do to earn your orgasm? That you would just be like, never mind, I'm not having an orgasm. Oh, great question. Like, I think if I had to eat healthy my whole life, like every meal that I only had, like salad or something, I'd be like well not not

earning the orgasm today give me that fucking donut what would i do also it would be funny though like what if you you know like there are people who like really eat well or whatever and they'd be like they just stack up orgasms yeah yeah i'm so jealous of the people who did that if it was like you have to work out in order to get an orgasm and then there's like you know freaks like joe rogan who are like i've got thousands of orgasms stacked up you loser and i'm over here like can i just get one please yeah you could kill two birds with one stone you weirdo i don't know i can't think of anything all right right. Let's do – we'll do a couple One Minute Man topics. I guess this actually ties in nicely because it's still –

the One Minute Man I did over the weekend left me with the most professional – with the most barstool anxiety I've had in years. It's brought to you by Game Time. If you want to get your tickets to see Mets playoff baseball or playoff baseball, you can do it through Game Time. You want to go see watch your football team on Sunday,

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that makes me be like, oh man, did I really just do that? Because I've been doing it for so long and I've talked about every fucking topic under the sun. But this one, this one was a lot. We talked about, did we talk about it on the show? We did, right? Yeah, we did.

It went off on our TikTok too. So were you here for this, Jackie? Oh, yeah. The squirting thing with the experiment? Yeah. So I laid it out on the show, on one minute man and it went it went off i think it got like seven million views what and i was just like having major anxiety about being like i'm all over the place talking about these old women squirting like all over the place i mean

tons of comments tons of views if you don't know what we're talking about quickly recap these weird Japanese scientists did a scientific experiment to confirm where squirt comes from in the female body and they basically were able to prove what we already all kind of know is that it's pretty much a lot of

pee and then a little bit of like female cum and so I explain like the details of this experiment they they take a catheter and and empty the girls out and then they put indigo dye back into them so that you know that if it comes from this part of their body that it must be p i'm explaining all this straight up in detail and so many people saw that and i start i've like kind of blacked out the notion of like people at school and people like and that it kind of came flooding back to me like ah i can't flooding back to me like i you know like it always starts kind of like anxiety

because you're worried about like other people seeing it know like it always starts kind of like anxiety because you're worried about like other people seeing it yeah like it usually starts these days with content kim i think about like what would kim kim just saw that right like kim your own mom no because i know my mom doesn't watch yeah but i'm like man kim probably saw that and then and then i start to spiral a little bit and then something like this i was like whoa but it's also weird somebody somebody just replied with my birth my birth date to me a screenshot of like my like a wikipedia page that has my birth date just being like you're too old for this you know and then a bunch of people were like you have kids and but the kids thing i understand

but when people are like bro you're like 37 i'm like what what do you want the kids to talk about this yeah would you rather be listening to the fucking teenagers on tiktok talk about this yeah you fucking creepos if there's anything we should be talking about it it'd be the full fucking goddamn adults and someone's got to talk about it come on you're 37 also you're not like i'm not like 107 you know i do have to draw the line somewhere eventually but that's true like you don't want the teens talking about if there was some teenage boy talking about this, I'd be like, whoa, dude. Yeah. You are advanced.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've gone too far with this shit. But, yeah, this was – what was the final view count on the Barstool channel? Do you see that? I mean, it was a – I think I saw, like, six million at one point. Well, so does this make you want to do more topics like that? Well, it's a cheat code. It's like you can i could do stuff stuff like this every fucking day and it would be the biggest you know biggest videos we ever do i ever do but like it's like

who's the worst person you think that you're worried about also if you're just trying to add up we got two million on our t our TikTok of us talking about it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And then we have on part two, we have 300,000. On part three, we have another million. Oh, my God. That was a great thing to say, Nick.

Right? Well, he's like freaking out about it. But we have the most TikTok subscribers we've ever gotten in a day. Hey. So part four. Dedicated to the game, man. You lose some, you lose some. tiktok subscribers we've ever gotten in a day hey so part four dedicated to the game man some you lose some i said to somebody uh the other day i was like yeah i just hope that none of uh the

teachers at school follow me and i can't remember who i was saying it to and they just wrote back they absolutely do like they didn't even try to sugarcoat it man somebody just wrote back well they absolutely do so definitely one of your teachers saw that. I was like, oh, my God. But also it's like, guess how I fucking pay goddamn tuition for you to even go to this goddamn school. So this is what it's going to take. Daddy's going to talk about fucking blue squirt. The video is bananas, by the way.

I hope if you watch the one minute, man, you got to go find the video of the experiment. It is one of the weirdest things you'll ever see. Also in the news was the Celtics scandal. So the Celtics coach. Oh, we should have had you do jacked up on this one, but I'll do it for you. Celtics coach Imei Eduka. He is fucking somebody he works with, and he just wouldn't stop. The Celtics said, like, multiple times they were aware of it and they were like

please stop and he was like nah i'm all good just kept on doing it wait what do you why wouldn't they um because it's like an inappropriate workplace relationship the power dynamics he's he's a senior person she's the coach she's somebody else and they were aware of it and i think brought it up to him and he just kept on dogging her which at some point i gotta respect it's like you shouldn't do it i don't respect that and then wow you did it again and again and again like you're really you're really that's that's grimy dude you shouldn't do it you did it again and again and again yeah my man like at some point it's like this is fucking at some point i'm like is this true love i don't know what's going on but uh did they did they finally give the number yet on a suspension or just speculation i think it's a year suspension

10 million dollar fine i believe wait but wasn't what was that what they gave the guy who said the n-word 10 million dollar suspension in a year oh no that's what that yeah you're that's what that is right so they're kind of that's what they're saying they're basing it on like past indiscretions and it's like there's been there's been athletes and shit who have like hospitalized fucking girlfriends and kids and wives and like physical violence and and like wait it's like a consensual relationship it's consensual it's consensual but like the this is the problem with when you work with somebody it's consensual but it's like did that girl feel like she had to and if she did she feel like if she said no that she would lose you know blah blah blah i think in

this case they both were just like we like to fuck but you can't you can't like it's a slippery slope and all that sort of shit but a year suspension for consensual sex is I think a lot and I know people are like well of course you think that but I don't know man that's that's like

you're done with the Celtics like you can't maybe somebody else will pick you up but no one's going to wait for you to serve out the suspension and then bring you back and have you reinstate your way of play. Like that's like I hope it was worth it because your job is done here. Has she said anything about it? I don't think we even know who it is because the internet has like tracked down who they think it is.

In some of the more disrespectful internet sleuthing i've ever seen they were like there's three girls in the organization two of them look like this one of them look like this i was like that sucks to be those other girls yeah that hurts but also it's probably true um now the other thing is the girl he's woman he's uh i thought they were married they're not married but i think they're like long-term together is nia long who is one of the baddest bitches ever she's in movies and tv shows before your time uh you you know did you watch the fresh prince yeah a little bit like you're in there how old are you did you watch the fresh prince yeah but you're a baby too

everybody's just getting younger and I'm just getting older I'm gonna kill myself Nick at night had that in syndication Nick at night the first prince

was on Nick at night? that was like it's flagship bro when I was a kid Nick at night was in black and white oh that was so genuine. You guys, your shows

are mine. I didn't know that you were doing black and white. Nick at Night was like shows from, you know, you're watching shows from like the 90s, which are 30 years old. I was in the 90s watching shit that was I actually didn't watch Nick at Night because they were black and white and I was like, fuck that.

It's weird, but like Nick at Night because they were black and white, and I was like, fuck that. It's weird. But Nick at Night for me was old shows. And Nick at Night for you are awesome shows that I watch. Yeah. No Fresh Prince. What was the other one? What were the other ones that Nick at Night? I don't know. Saved by the Bell.

Saved by the Bell, yeah. That one I knew was going to hurt you. What's Nick at Night right now? I don't know. Oh, I don't even want to know that. That's probably like... You're probably going to feel old by that. Nick at Night.

Current day. I mean, mine was like Happy Days and shit like that. Oh, I watch Happy Days. I like Happy Days. Happy Days is great. Some of them were good. Don't get me wrong. Let's see. Oh, my God. Friends is on Nick at Night. Some of them were good. Don't get me wrong. Let's see.

Oh my God. Friends is on Nick at Night. Friends, Seinfeld, Young Sheldon. That's not even old. That's on like season five or six. Bro. Let me see. Yeah, right now it's Mike and Molly, Seinfeld, Young Sheldon, and Friends.

But when I did it, let me see if i can like scroll back jesus yeah my shit was like gilligan's island and gilligan's island was the first time i realized people used to be hot too uh ginger or whoever on that yeah i was like oh old people could be hot yeah i always said that uh farawcett was the missing link to me. Because when you look at girls, very few chicks from movies and TV shows in the 50s, 40s, 60s were hot. By today's standards. You could be like, all right, she's like the hot wife in the show. But I never thought she was actually hot.

Because of the way they dress and the way they look and all that shit but then there farrah fawcett was like in the 70s and i was like that bitch is bad you could drop her in modern day right now you know what i mean when she was like in in in the 70s when she was probably she was probably still young though but like you know what i'm saying like like if you took uh someone who was like hot by the standards of like 1965 and put her out right now it would be like she'd be covered up covered up and doesn't look like you know girls now on like instagram you can be like 11 years old and you're like the hottest fucking person in the world just but that was like oh that's an old person who can like actually be hot if you

look at something like the old oh yeah like 19s you know it's like these of course these like beautiful chicks but they don't look like hot you know by our standards you know what i mean yeah i mean yeah that'll happen everybody's thing it just gets me like of course yeah you'll be considered fucking butt ugly in 2070, you know? By the time, like, 2100 rolls around, they're going to pull a picture of Jackie and be like, this girl was considered attractive. Well, because they, like, I also. That chick's a baddie.

Whoever that was. Go back up. That. Who was that? That's Bardot. Bridget Bardot. No, Raquel Welch. Yeah, Raquel Welch is another one.

She was, like, hot even back in the day. But if you look, like, some of these are, like, that just looks like a mom, you know? Okay, we're going to go overseas for a one-minute man topic here. British woman hospitalized for three days, Jackie, after a dog pooped on her face while she was sleeping. What was that? Why was she hospitalized? A British woman spent three days in the hospital after her daughter's dog defecated in her mouth as she slept. Amanda Nomo, 51, was taking an afternoon nap when pet chihuahua Belle became ill and suffered

sudden diarrhea. I was having my afternoon nap. I love these people who are like, my afternoon nap, you know. My afternoon nap with Belle like I always do when suddenly I felt something squirt in my mouth. Talk about squirt. Shit. Is it pee? Apparently it's poop.

It was disgusting and I was hurling violently for hours after. I just couldn't get the taste out of my mouth. The dog was diagnosed with a nasty stomach bug. Bro. Wait, so did she swallow it? Oh my god, that's

so gross. I can't think of much worse than something shitting in your mouth while you sleep at least it was a chihuahua you gotta think it was like little shit balls or something yeah but if it's like it was diarrhea so that's just oh yeah yeah oh my god that's so gross that's fucked up as the dog of the dog yeah the dog knows the dog no at the very least the dog knows i shouldn't shit there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think the dog was aiming for your mouth, but it's like, you know that you're supposed to shit, like, on the fucking grass, dude.

Yeah. And you're shitting in my fucking mouth. And you know that, like, a mouth is, like, where they eat. Like, you have a mouth, too. Yeah, like, you have enough of, yeah, you got a mouth. You would know. You got a fucking mouth, dog. I guess it's one of those dogs that eats shit.

Maybe it was, I don't know. Oh, that is. So why was she sick, though? Like, I guess she got like a stomach bug, like the dog, like the bacteria or whatever goes in your fucking mouth. That is one of the worst things I've seen. We also had this woman. I'm trying to find it. Who is carrying her son's baby.

Okay. That is not normal, Jackie. Oh, I thought you were saying she was carrying the baby. No, no. I'm praying. I was like, and then what? That's on the edge of my seat. Okay.

It was the groceries in one hand and the baby in the other, Jackie. Did she drop it? I'm pregnant with my own son's baby. What? And they got these pictures that look like little fucking engagement photos almost. Nancy Huac. 56. Can't wait to give birth to her granddaughter oh uh it's her own grandchild that she's giving birth to do they look what do they look like um sometimes like when i go i mean the guys you know this is actually a

nice thing it comes out to be you know her son's daughter a – so her daughter-in-law had a hysterectomy. She had – so here's what's weird. They already have twins. And it was a traumatic birth. So she had a hysterectomy. So everything gets removed. She can't get pregnant again. So the mom steps in.

I just suddenly had a feeling a few months after that I should offer to do it. I told my son and he teared up and was shocked. I hadn't even told my husband at that point. Let me just say this. If you're going to carry my son's kid, you got to talk to me before you just offer to do it. Because I got to get prepared for my wife to give birth to my own granddaughter. How old is she? She is 52.

Okay. Wait, 56. The husband slash son is 32. Okay. And the daughter is 30. Okay. I mean, this is better than... It's very nice, but it's like...

This is better than what? I was thinking incense at first. No, yeah, it's not like they banged. But that's still... But my thing is kind of... I guess there's technically nothing truly wrong with it. No, you're just a toaster. Yeah. But...

Why did you go with toaster over oven? Because I think... What about toast? What about an oven? What about... Well, well it's like i think you're a little total i was to be honest i think toaster oven would be the better the best thing to say i think um because you're like a little toaster you're just like you're toasting the baby you're toasting it up no you're completely forming the baby you're baking it um but that's kind of what i was thinking is like you're not like you're just we're just implanting it into the toast you know yeah okay just like oh like like you put like you're baking it. But that's kind of what I was thinking is like you're not. Like you're just – we're just implanting it into the toast, you know?

Yeah, okay. I'm just like – Oh. Like you put like – you mix it all up and then you put it in the oven. This one is just like it's already kind of cooked like the bread is. We're just heating it up. That was actually smart. Yeah.

That was really smart. Okay, interesting. I just – I just think – yeah, it's just weird to be like I'm going to, you know. Yeah, but I, it's just weird to be like, I'm going to, you know. Yeah, but I guess it's not. But I was going to say, like, I go on, like, the Be Real, like, stories or whatever. I think those are mine.

Okay. You go on the Be Real stories. The Be Real, like, the public ones. And there's just so many, like, weird people in this world that I'm just like, it is. I do have to remember. On TikTok and everything, too. When TikTok first started and Ken Jack, he still does it to this day you just and this is like a normal family by all means they're just like she's yeah it's a little bit weird that they're but my thing is you already had twins if this was some traumatic like i all i've ever

wanted to be is a mother and i can't have kids yeah you already got two of them just fucking that is weird. You don't need this third kid. But the more I think about it, the more I'm kind of like, there is nothing wrong. The more I'm thinking about it, the more I'm okay with it, actually. Yeah, same.

But the more I want to know, is this kid going to be... What's going to be... Is there going to be something wrong with the kid? Well, why would there be something wrong with the kid? Exactly. I think it's totally fine now. Totally is a stretch. Yeah some stretch so it's a

little bit weird to be like my grandmother gave birth to me yeah i don't know i have to sit on that a little bit more also it's like i'm just gonna trust that this is all a true story yeah where'd you read this not no not i'm saying their story is true like if all of a sudden grandma's pregnant with with my baby and you're like i was just carrying it it's like let's hope that's true because if your son really actually banged you then we have problems you know what i'm saying you know i'm saying yeah like like if if you're in some weird family where the son bangs the mom and gets her pregnant you gotta come up with a story or something. This is your perfect story. I'm just going to carry it.

I'm 99.9% sure this is out of the goodness of their heart. I'm just saying. That.01%. That would be a great cover-up. I would be giving points for a great cover-up. Great cover-up. You earned it. Yeah.

That's some quick thinking. But that's interesting. Yo, the world is so fucking weird. There's some quick thinking but that's that's a quick that's interesting yo the world is so fucking weird and you just see how much it gives you gives me a little bit of hope that like i'm way more normal i know the people who like have done like our tiktok filters or whatever have you seen those you see the the little Russian kid? The old woman got me the best though. The old woman just does it and Pavs pops up. Yeah, I get this reaction from women a lot.

What was the, do we know what the kid was saying? Did we translate it? All I heard was Pavs! Yeah, he was like, I'm Hunters and I'm going to Pavs! I was like, does Pavs know this kid? Why are these randos doing like what would you ever use a so if you don't know nick and paz and jackie made this this kfc radio filter where you push a button and it's like which member are you and it does like tick tick tick tick bam and

like one of our faces pops up and all these weird foreigners are doing it clearly not speaking any english clearly not knowing what kfc radio is yeah clearly not speaking any English, clearly not knowing what KFC Radio is, clearly not knowing any of us. Would you ever just be like, oh, there's a Russian podcast. Let me just find out which member of the Russian podcast I am. I would be like a little,

I'd just, I'd want to know. I'd be a little curious. About what? You don't even know any of the people or who they are or what they're doing. I wouldn't post it, but I'd be like,

I want to figure out what Russian podcaster I am. I would be just like at least a little bit. You put a filter. I could spend hours on filters. I could spend. Jackie's never met a filter she didn't want to use. Yeah, exactly.

I'm like trying to figure out what hair color I want. I've been using, I've been like spending hours on all the hair color filters. What if you just went crazy and went like fire red well that's the thing is deep purple the filters make like red looks really good on me when i do the filters it's like i want to do red redhead i don't know does redhead with the tan like tan skin like yours work i feel like it doesn't i think you gotta be fair skinned to have red hair yeah well you would like no i'm not an actual redhead but but you'd just be like, she's a little spunky. Spunky is not a good word. I don't know if I'm spunky enough to, you know.

Spunk is not good. You don't like it? Well, it means cum, spunk. Oh, yeah, that's right. Okay. So when you say you're spunky, it's like. Well, that's kind of what a redhead, well. Redheads are just filled with cum or something?

No, no, I just feel like, you know, like they're baddies. Redheads are? Yeah. Hmm. That's a good branding for them. Yeah. They should lean into that. We're baddies.

Because I think it's kind of the opposite. Usually it's like. Redhead girls, they feel like they're bad bitches. Interesting. Yeah. Shout out to all my redhead bad bitches. Yeah. If you are a redhead chicken head, drop a comment, tweet a picture, show us how bad

you are. Yeah. Speaking of baddies, show us how bad you are. Yeah. Speaking of baddies, my shoes. Oh, yeah. Your shoes. Oh, yeah. These shoes are either the most ridiculous. Well, they're definitely one of the most ridiculous.

Let's get these on camera. Ready? You think that it's just like, oh, wow, look at these shoes that are Mets and Jets branded, which is like, it's just like oh wow look at these shoes that are mets and jets branded which is like it's cool i'm a fan of those teams but do i just need their logos on my feet not really but what do i absolutely need oh shit son oh shit red or is it christmas time red and green oh i like my blue oh wow we wow. We got some, like, fucking orange, yellow, green tennis ball shit going. Ooh, now we're, like, in the deep blue sea. Oh, now it's fucking purple and pink, right? I'm loving this commentary.

And then we got some, what is that one? That one's, like, that's my favorite one. That's, like, sunset. Like, it's, like, all sorts of colors. And then we go fucking in the club. Er-ing, er-e-er-e. I mean these are one of a fucking kind. Those are fire. You can just run through the

whole fucking thing, man. Lev- Levitate- Luminate is the name of them. Shout out to Luminate. No free ads, but that one they kind of earned it. But it doesn't even figure it out. You don't- when you walk, it doesn't like light up or anything. Nope, it's just like there's a button on the back. I opened them up at first, and I was like, why do these shoes come with a fucking USB cord?

And it's like, oh, because they light up. They illuminate. I feel like you feel like a whole new man in those. I mean, you feel spunky. Hey, spunky. These shoes give me some spunk. I came into work today wearing shoes that don't light up. No spunk.

No spunk. Put on these shoes. Light up shoes? Spunk. Spunk. All right, let's do our voicemails for today, and then we'll get into it with MJF. Voicemails today are brought to you by BetterHelp. We talked about how many weird people are out there in this world.

Not that weird equals bad, but sometimes weird equals fucking weird. You need a little bit of help. You got to talk through some things. You got to get some things off your chest. You got to figure things out, and BetterHelp can help you do just that by providing you with online therapy, meaning you can just straight up text message with someone or if you just need to holler at them real quick, you can give them a phone call.

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Be a better problem solver through therapy with betterhelp.com slash KFC. First voicemail letter ripped, Jackie. Hey, guys. I'm sorry I look literally deranged because I was in bed. But I scrolled through Instagram on the one-minute man because, you know, I'm Canadian and that's how I get caught up on my news. And I saw the Queen has died clip and I remembered like Ryan Powell making the joke that that's how all

Canadians get their news and I just thought to myself I wonder how many like people found out the Queen died through Kevin like that's fucking nuts sorry I swore anyways I'm going back to bed now. When you come to Toronto, I'm so

there. Like, I'm mind-blown. We gotta go to Toronto. I know. But yeah, be well. Bye, guys. They fucking love us up there, apparently. I'm so down to go to Toronto. Have you gone before? No. I love how they say Toronto, too. It's not Toronto. It's like Toronto. Toronto. Toronto. It's like just, they missed that first O. Huh? It's like Nolens. Nolens, yeah.

But that's like a big accent. They're just like, Toronto. Toronto. It's like just They missed that first O It's like Nolens Nolens yeah But that's like a big accent They're just like Trono Trono It's almost like C-H Trono Sometimes I feel like

When words have too many syllables It's like What's the point We all know what you're saying Yeah You know Cut to the chase Yeah

Really no words should be Over like seven letters It is like yeah Like who Shakespeare out here Coining words Coining terms Just

All these letters. It's also like when there's like spelling, I don't think that spelling should at all matter because it's like, you know, those things where it's like you can read the word. You can take all the vowels out. You still know the words. Yeah. It's like you should be able to just like, like people should not get on you at all about spelling. Never. You know what the fuck I mean.

No. That's what Kanye said. Kanye said that forcing me to speak proper English is like giving me a DUI test when I'm on the road trying to make creative music and creative stuff. And he said that that's like stopping me and making me touch my nose and walk the yellow line. Oh, that's not... I don't know what the fuck he was talking about. Okay, I was going to say, that's not really computing in my head. I don't know what the fuck he was talking about. Okay, I was going to say, I don't know what the fuck he was talking about. But Toronto seems to be the spot.

It always weirds me out when there are people. I mean, I don't think that anybody got the news about the Queen from me. I mean, maybe someone who just woke up from a nap and happened to open the phone, and that was the first thing they saw before the Queen. There are certain things that I'm breaking, like I'm getting to the world. I go on TikTok and all that shit, find out these deep viral stories,

and then I present those. Those I'm probably telling people for the first time. Squirting one. Don't remind me. 10 million. 10 million. Oh, my God. 10 million is so many people.

TikTok, by the way, gone are the days of like, it's just like for 13-year-old girls to dance. TikTok is just like the bedrock of the internet. It's just where like everything originates. It's like Reddit now. It's just like all the stories come from a TikTok. All the details, all everything just comes from TikTok now.

It's just a video platform. It's like YouTube. It's just like a video platform with awesome editing. It's crazy whole tiktok right now is like i keep doing like i always feel bad when people post like like oh watch this three times so i can like get my dog to have like earned that whatever what what did you just say i forgot my shoes were lighting up for a second oh that's what did you just say uh i just meant like with people asking like oh can you help me raise money for like my cancer or something like that so my tiktok right now for like the past few weeks has just been all people begging for me to watch their videos and like and share and subscribe and it's like now i don't have

the heart to like people like sending them to you being like no no no no no no no no it's like my tiktok feed is just like all like sob stories and i feel too bad to like not watch them so now you keep watching them and your algorithm just keeps feeding them to you this is what i want you just the algorithm just thinks that you are just like some depressed bitch sad yeah yeah and i don't know how to like and so now i just have to like stop but i have to like be heartless yeah it's like fuck your story but yeah fuck your story so now i'm like okay well a cancer one i can't i can't like scroll past that but then if it's like a dog one i'll be like okay sorry what what do you want your algorithm to feed you just like

cool funny stuff i don't know not that the algorithms are a hard look in the mirror sometimes where you're like this is what you think. Pabst's algorithm is. Just bitches everywhere. Wild. This is the horniest algorithm I've ever seen on Twitter. It became like a party trick for me. I'll show people how many slides, how many swipes, how many tits. Under two every time.

I don't really use TikTok as much as Instagram, but my reels tend to not even be like Instagram reels sucks it's always you know what I got a problem with on fucking Instagram is like all of these inspirational

reels where it's like Joe Rogan right and it's like don't ever let somebody tell you that you can't achieve anything cause fuck them cause it's like, don't ever let somebody tell you that you can't achieve anything. Because fuck them. Because it's all about you and what you can set out to do and make it happen. Like, forget about yesterday.

Tomorrow's all that matter. Fucking do it. And it's a video of someone, like, staining their deck. You know? They're, like, just rebuilding the bathroom door. I love these. And it's like, what the fuck? What are we doing this inspirational like salvo about when all you're doing is like building a shed in your backyard?

Shut the fuck up. You and your like your local, your like small household project and your inspirational TikTok sound can kick rocks. Wait, I actually am the complete... I love the... I think that's soothing to watch somebody do a porch or do a time-lapse of something, and I love some inspiration. I'm like...

You find a time-lapse of a building of a deck to be inspirational? Love it. Soothing I can maybe understand. So soothing. Inspirational? Well, not inspirational. The deck.

Nothing can stop you, dude. The voice, yeah. Nothing can stop you while you fucking build that staircase outside death nothing can stop you dude yeah nothing can stop you while you fucking build that staircase outside can stop me i can build a fucking porch i'm gonna go build a porch or how about the um the uh the one that's like it costs me this much because it takes me fucking hours you know that one it's like a song about um like when people complain about something costing too much money online and it's like it's a good this little like doo-wop jingle and it's like it costs this much because it takes

me fucking hours like stop complaining because it takes like a lot of hard work and it's like um how about then you don't do something that takes a long fucking time to make a dumb useless little tchotchke that you then got to spend. You got to charge me $50 on. How about pick something else to spend your fucking hours on? Because clearly this thing that you thought was going to be worth $100 is not because everyone's on your fucking DMs complaining that your dumb little project costs too much money. How about you use your better fucking. I don't really know what you're talking about.

That's what's interesting about these algorithms. Your experience. Him, he's just jerking off. Me, I'm watching annoying people complain about inspiration. And you, I don't know what you're seeing. What's yours about? I mean, I just told you. Mine is all sad.

Oh, yeah. Hey, y'all. My name's Sydney. First time, long time. Before I get to my question, I just want to say that my birthday is coming up this week, so would love to get a birthday shout-out from my favorite podcast.

I read that. Also, Jackie, really hope you heal very quickly. I'm dying to get these jacked-up updates. It's been two crazy weeks, and we haven't heard anything from you, so we need that back. The people want it. You guys, on your podcast today we're talking

about stop listening and go listen to something burnt or burning with burt kreischer and so i switched over to that and at some point you guys started talking about like the salem witch trials and john you i think it was you who said like it's because women were good at math, and that's why they got accused of being witches, and what I was taught was that they were eating, like, mushrooms and stuff like that, because, you know, they had to, like, forage back then, and some of the mushrooms were actually, like, hallucinogenic and stuff like that, which is actually what caused people to accuse them of being witches. And as, um, I know a few people on the podcast have dabbled in that realm. Um, so we'd love to hear what you guys would, you know, what you've seen during a trip that you

would, if this was like Salem Witch Time, you could also be like, oh yeah, they're a witch because of this. So, we'd love to hear what you guys have seen and what it accused people of. Viva. I have no idea what she's asking. I'm just confused of the relationship

between the witch trial and the mushrooms. So, I think she was saying people were tripping and i would like hallucinate you doing something like you're a witch because i just i like i've the only time i've taken mushrooms was that one stem with like when we went to john's or whatever other than that i'm such a i'm such a pussy with drugs like yeah me too i feel like and they say that the stem is like the body high and the caps are where you get like the hallucinogenic part.

So I haven't actually, but I pretty much when I smoke weed, I feel like I like, I don't see stuff. It's not hallucinogenics, but I feel like I like. We got to do, we got to get like high with Jackie. It is. I. When you start unlocking the universe. I'm not kidding. Like.

Because if we film it and shit, maybe, you know, you always wake up and you're like, fuck, I can't remember. Well, now we'll have a record of it. Yeah. Should we? But I'm just going to because if we film it and shit maybe you know you always wake up and you're like fuck I can't remember well now we'll have a record of it yeah should we but I'm just gonna be like so weird yeah yeah I know that's yeah okay

that's the point as long as you guys are ready to hear about the universe let's blow my mind okay we'll do it let's let's we'll do like a

like a lock in like we'll do a survivor thing you all stay here for the night and you and we all get high on 3G, and you just tell us about the mysteries of life. Yeah. I felt like I was telling you this. I had my friends.

We all took the same edibles at one point. I felt like a cult leader. I was preaching to them like a sermon, like what it was, and they were all like, I see it. I get it. It was the craziest shit ever. I was like, oh, my God. I straight- see it I get it it was the craziest shit ever I was like oh my god I straight up understand

cult leaders and then and then the morning came and the morning came and we were all like what the fuck was that it was super weird but

yeah but you get that rush of power you get that rush of power all these stupid motherfuckers actually believe me yeah it's just like oh my god I just feel like

when you see crazy people like on the streets it's like no I think that they just get it. Oh, you think that the people that we call crazy are actually on another level? They're seeing something. I mean, that's kind of Kanye's thought. When he was on the podcast, he was like, I'm never wrong.

I'm just not right right now. I'll be right in the future. I'm just not right right now. Which is kind of a cop out because you can just say that about anything. It's like two plus two equals five. No, it doesn't. Well, in the future, it's going to. It's like, no just say that about anything it's like two plus two equals five no it doesn't well in the future it's gonna like no come on but it's like what do you think about it like if if in every if there's every single scenario that plays out forever if there's infinite universes of every single scenario these people are just seeing different universes we're high right now girl what you're high right now no but i'm just saying like

maybe like they're just seeing different universes like if they it's actually like universe i when it's double plural of universe is universe i no not universes it's universe i are you fucking with me no universe you think that universes is right i am i'm 90 sure that universes is right universes is how many times you said it universes it's universe. It's like octopi. It is. That's octopuses. Universes. It's universe I.

I don't think that that's right. I think that you're fucking with me but that makes more sense. It's the same thing as octopuses. it is universe I and another one

it is universes. In this universe it's universe I and maybe in another one it's universes. What about there's multiple octopuses and universes.

It's octopi and universei. Octopusi, that sounds... Octopusi, I'm trying to get that octopusi. Anyways, but... And then in terms of Salem Witch Trials... She lost me on that. Yeah, but...

Good question. I just... I'm kind of too dumb to like... Last voicemail is brought to you by Blue Nile. Blue Nile can make your celebrations even more memorable by delivering high quality jewelry, whether we're talking about just like a pendant or a bracelet, all the way up to the big one, the big kahuna, the engagement ring. It makes you planning these type of events so much easier. When you got to get a gift and you got to plan a night out

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for you to fit. If somebody proposed to you, Jackie, and the ring was not great, what would you do? I would be fine with it.

So convincing. But I would say, if it's not Blue Nile, get off your fucking knee. Right, okay, that's true. Let me just finish up. So go to BlueNile.com, B-L-U-E-N-I-L-E.com, code Kevin. Save $50 on a purchase of $500 or more. That's bluenile.com slash Kevin. Get $50 off that $500 purchase.

Make your moment sparkle. Ad read done. Now. I want a fat rock. You want a fat rock. Why do you want that? Not even a fat rock. I don't actually care about a fat rock.

But you do. But you do. I want to be really pretty. This is so- But part of it being pretty is a fat rock i don't actually care about a fat rock but you do but you do i want to be really pretty like and i this is like so part of it being pretty is a fat fat rock well no it doesn't have to be like a giant rock on my hand but i just want to be like a really elegant like good sized ring um you care um in my experience i now learned to put all of your money into the carrots and not give a fuck about anything else because these people are not breaking out their little their little fucking uh little yeah what's that

called uh what's the word the telescope whatever microscope to find out the the clarity and the cut of it all a big all diamonds relatively look the same with the naked eye from the distance that we're looking at it go get a fat one and don't worry about the quality of it. You're not going to resell it, so it doesn't matter what the actual value is. Just get the biggest. If you can get an extra carat in exchange for dropping some of the clarity, another carat in exchange for dropping some of the cut, go ahead. Do it. They're going to be happy when it looks fat on your finger.

Yes, I agree. go ahead do it they're gonna be happy when it looks fat on your finger yes i agree the only like reason why i would care about like it being like a good ring is because there's so many times you're gonna be showing it to somebody and there's so many like snooty people that i know that i would just be so in my head being like oh it's he's you know it's i know it's not like i don't know i just feel like it would just be so many times. I think when people see a big stone, they go like, oh my God. They don't go like, well, he couldn't afford that. So it must be shit. No, no, no, no.

I'm not saying that. I'm just saying like the only reason why I care about like the ring. Yeah. It's because like, there's just so many times. Like if you can't afford, like, I'm just saying, I'm just saying that there's people. I'm yeah. Continue. Well, I'm just saying like for me i just am thinking i'm like i'm thinking in my head now i'm getting weird about i don't know why i'm getting

so weird i'm just saying like i like i can't finish this sentence i love how you just got you got weird in your own head right there yeah i, I can't. What? I just think that there are so many times that you're showing to somebody that you might as well get a ring just so that I just can't finish this thought. Can we just get it? No, finish the thought. Land the plane. Get there. Get there. Okay.

Sink the putt. Okay, you're going to be showing your ring to so many people, right? Uh-huh. And so you want to be looking good. Uh-huh. And that's why i care that was the thought a lot of people are going to look at it that was the thought it's true it up perfectly that was true i i got i get caught up in it where it was like i know that other people are motherfuckers about this. That's what I was trying to say. And I don't want to let them, like, win, per se. So I'm going to get you a ring so that... Like, the very definition of keeping up with the Joneses,

while at the same time, for me, being like, I don't give a fuck about this, but I know that in this world, you do. Like, if it was for me, I genuinely don't think I would care, but if it's for you and your friends are all assholes and you care about this stuff, then I'll get it because that's just keeping up with appearances in this world. That was much better way of saying it.

God damn, does that suck. Jeremiah, we've had him on the podcast before. When he proposed, I think he said he paid $168 for the ring at Marshall's. What? He was broke as a joke and for the ring at Marshall's. What? He was like broke as a joke. And he bought what he could afford. And then his girl, it broke because it was so cheap. It kept breaking.

Oh, yeah. And she knew that like he put his heart and soul into like buying it. So she was going to a jeweler to have it fixed. And the jeweler was like, it cost me like 75 to fix this this thing is only worth like a hundred dollars like why don't you just get rid of this and she was like i can't like it's the engagement ring you know and then he found out about it like years later and he was like you were spending all this money fixing a piece of shit ring just so you wouldn't like make me feel bad and it was like oh it was like the most romantic thing i've ever heard that's so

it was like the shitty ring story you know what i mean so he's like she must like it she's never said anything and she's like well i know i can't say anything because it'll make him feel bad and they're just like happily married oh my god it's like so obviously not about a fucking ring you know what i mean it's like if the ring is the big part of your engagement like your engagement sucks yeah you know what i mean yeah but at the same time hey kfc crew we got a question for you driving home right now first things first jackie no job content fucking hilarious you're killing it you will run this show by 2024 enough of that talk uh but no uh it's looking good um you know why don't you slide them dms when that nose heals this is our boy danny two questions for y'all um i've been listening to are you garbage is it garbage to barter things at lunch like elementary school middle school lunch even

high school uh we didn't have a vending machine because i'm old as shit i graduated in 2005 from high school um so i would bring in mountain dew in like a giant cooler so i bring in a six-pack sometimes i started moving up to a 12-pack and i would sell individual cans of like mountain dew or coke or whatever that my mother bought every friday night when she went grocery shopping i would just bring it for free uh and then sell those mountain dews and then use that money i usually use it for like christmas presents or something um but is it trash through the barter system at lunch and also since i'm driving home right now in miami it's a fucking nightmare is it a big sign of getting older

when you're extremely fucking annoyed at everybody on the road to where almost everything irritates you people not using their blinker people pulling out in front of you things that you might have been like meh but now it's like you dumb mother is it a sign of getting old to be very frustrated

I think I used to care about that shit and now I'm like I don't know I'll get there when I get. I think I used to care about that shit. Now I'm like, I don't know. I'll get there when I get there or whatever, bro. Yeah. I mean, I have a healthy dose of road rage. I like it when there's traffic. I'm like, there's more time in the car. Really?

Yeah. I miss driving. That's like the one thing that like I- You get car sick, Jackie. Well, not when I'm driving. When I'm driving, it is. The biggest passenger seat complainer in the world. Of all time. In the world Of all time No I don't

I'm in the middle of like New York City Fucking rush hour traffic trying to get out of Manhattan So we can get on the road to drive up to whatever Show we were going to And she's like you're the worst driver You're the worst driver I'm like I'm fighting a literal war out here With Uber drivers and cab drivers

And pedestrians and shit And Jackie's like complaining that like we gotta fucking you know hit the hole or like cut people off or like fight for our lives she's like you're a bad driver i'm like no you suck as a passenger i do tell you a lot that you're a bad driver but that's because you use your knees like willingly like you will be that's how good i have a driver i make a deal with my knees no you're not good like you're i mean i can drive with my knees i think that you save like your all the time to text everybody back for when you're driving it is crazy you spend so much time on your phone when you're driving i it's i spend so much time like my phone does not stop ever yeah i know but like

it's it is so i'm just like i can text and drive famous last words from a dead guy yeah like i can do it and then paths just like there was one time you were kind of jerking around and i guarantee that if we put her behind the wheel she would saw have been behind yeah she's got to be a nightmare right scariest yeah i can't like i make a pull over after 30 minutes i was fearing for my life it's so funny because i remember when john when john made like john was like you're a crazy driver dude i was like really like i didn't think that was like like we didn't even have like an incident or you know whatever you were like that nervous and then the next time i was in the car with him we were in in the right lane just going like 47 miles an hour and i was

like okay i get it like he doesn't drive that way so the way i drive must be really scary for him i can't even imagine you talking shit how you drive. You must be a fucking disaster. I'm a fine driver when I'm alone, but when there's somebody else in the... I can't multitask, so, like, either... Like, all my friends know this. If somebody else is in the car with me, they're my eyes. Like, they drive for me.

They have to, like, make sure... Like, I told you before. I was like, all right, just so you know, if you're going to sit in the passenger seat, you've got to watch for cars. What? Because I can't. Because you're just focusing on paths as the passenger and not driving the car? It's not even that. It's just whenever somebody's like, yeah.

You're insane. I just can't do the go. The problem I have is when I'm driving alone, I drive how I drive. I know when I'm hitting the brakes. I know when I'm hitting the gas. Everything's fine. When other people are in the car, I'm cognizant of them. And then when I try to be a good driver is when I'm a bad driver.

I have to drive the way that I drive. The minute that I need to be 10 and 2 and using my blinker and doing this and doing that all proper is when I actually kind of start to suck as a driver because I'm just trying to make sure you guys are like comfortable i want to be like listen here's how i drive it's a little bit fast it's a little bit aggressive we're going to be fine shut the fuck up about it but um it's actually safer for me to do it this way than to try to do it the way yes um yes i'm in and out and i'm going i've been doing it this way for like 20 fucking years if all of a sudden i try to switch it up, we'll probably die in a car accident. Yeah, yeah.

I also think I have like a processing problem where like I run every red light. Like because I just won't, I'll be like, oh, then like two seconds later, you'll be like, oh wait, that was a red light. But like, it's like, that's how I think I have a processing problem is because it takes me like a second.

Twice as long. Yeah, twice as long. Everyone else can recognize that red light in one second. It takes you 10, two seconds and then we're through the fucking intersection. So we're going to die in a red light one day for sure. Yeah. Well, unless you guys are like if you're the eyes, then I'll... If you were like

that's a red light, then I'm like, okay, that's a red light. How about your brain just says it's a red light? Oh, it doesn't do that. It does do that, but eventually. It's like playing red light, green light. Is Jackie driving a fucking car? Exactly. Absolutely insane. The first question was what?

Is it garbage to trade? Oh, I mean, if you're an adult doing that, you're garbage. But when you're a kid, wheeling and dealing, I'll trade you this fucking drink for that cookie. I'll give you this for a dollar. I'll go spend a dollar on that cookie and flip that to get a cupcake or whatever I used to do that shit all the time that's when I got that motherfucker Seth Geller told the fucking principal

that I was bullying him for money liar just straight up lies like fucking serial like I'm fucking Adnan you just completely fabricated a story about me bullying you and threatening you for money. He said that I physically attacked him for money.

All I was like, I was like, yo, I got like 55 cents. I need 65 to get a cookie. Do you have a dime? And all of a sudden, I'm in the principal's office for fucking shaking this kid down for money. I literally walked to the principal's office. I was like, what could this even possibly be why did Seth Gellar do that because he's a fucking big floppy pussy

I don't know maybe someone else maybe one of my friends actually bullied him and then I just got lumped in but he was like it was like a ring of us it was a consortium of second graders bullying the first grader for change or something like that

I think it was like fourth grade maybe this just never happened your honor this is a fake story principal second graders bullying the first grader for change or something like that. I think it was like fourth grade maybe. This just never happened, Your Honor. This is a fake story, Principal. Are you sure you never bullied anybody? Guaranteed. 100% never bullied this kid. Fucking. Not according to Seth Geller. Fuck you, Seth Geller.

You're the worst, dude. Alright. That's it. Oh, no. Let's get into our interview with MJF the highlight of today's episode the best you know Jack you did alright but like MJF the highlight for sure one of the most electric stars in all of entertainment today

if you're not a wrestling fan I understand you don't know who he is and so it might not quite register but he is 26 years old and has been a superstar in wrestling since he was like 22 guys like the rock in them didn't make like their big like push into like superstardom i think like well into their 30s late 20s. He is so ahead of the game and I think inevitably will be the next movie star crossover

breakout of the wrestling world. So people like Jackie who are just completely judgmental and don't respect wrestlers. No, I said I do respect them. No, I think you said the opposite of that. I just want to fuck them. You will want to fuck people.

You maybe don't want to fuck MJF right now. You will want to fuck MJF one day. The Rock, I wouldn't want to. He's way too... But that's just because he's too big and weird. Who's a wrestler you would fuck? You don't even know. I don't think...

I don't know any. Right. Yeah, and I don't think I... I don't even know. I don't think, I don't know any. Right. Yeah, and I don't think I, I don't know any. Once you, you get, you said that you were going to get me into wrestling. Yeah.

And then once you do, then I'll get back to you on that question. MJF on KFC Radio is brought to you by Ridge Wallet. They've got the wallets. They've also got these keychains, which I need because, and I don't even quite know how this one works, but it's got the clip there,

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That ain't breaking. That's going to break the table, Jackie. That's going to break their nose. No, stop. Also, yeah, I'm not even quite sure. This thing is so next level. I don't even know how this thing works. But they've got it all, man.

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Nobody needs you anymore. Nobody needs that guy around. I commend you for putting up with him and tolerating him as long as you do. Dude, it's not easy. You know, we deal with people from the sticks. Yeah, well, that's... It's fucking rough. It's a miracle he can read or write.

Where are you from, my friend? He is definitely illiterate. I am a Westchester guy. I'm a New York guy. Oh, okay. Are you a 516 guy or a 631? I'm 516. Okay, good, because 631 trashes.

We don't deal with that kind of people. What happened to your neck, boss? This? Yeah. I got a long litany of injuries without any good stories for them. You're a professional wrestler or something? I've had three shoulder surgeries, neck surgery, and my lower back with no, you know, I'm not a professional wrestler. I didn't play football.

You're just drinking a lot? My first injury was my freshman year. Let me just talk about that. Oh, my apologies. I was sleepwalking. Okay. And it's, you know, the most, it's the worst story in the world. It's embarrassing. I fucked my shoulder up.

It was freshman year. I never rehabbed it. I kind of yanked my back. I needed surgery. Next thing you know, I'm fucking 38, and I'm like a dragon. You just got to drink more milk, man. You know what? It's almost impossible for me to drink more milk than I do.

Oh, really? Yeah, I'm a milk guy. You're a milk guy? I'm a huge milk guy. I got a little milk made here. I like it. Congratulations are in order, right? Just got engaged? Yeah, yeah'm a milk guy. You're a milk guy? I'm a huge milk guy. I got a little milk made here. I like it. Congratulations are in order, right? Just got engaged?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty crazy. You're 26, right? Yes. Bonehead move. So, can I be honest with you? Yeah. I'd agree with you if this wasn't my fucking world and she's just living in it.

I'd agree with you. I do whatever the fuck I want. Okay. And she knows that. Yeah. Okay? She's lucky. She's lucky.

Wow. Now, she's a beautiful girl. Don't get me wrong. Red hair, fat tits, big ass, abs. Everything you want. Beautiful face. Look her up on Instagram. Naomi Rosenblum.

Smoke shot. A name like Naomi. Yeah. And also Rosenblum, obviously a part of the tribe. Sure. I had to do what's right for my grandma so she wouldn't faint. I'm sure. What do you call your grandma?

Grandma? She's Mamo. Mamo. Mamo. Yeah. So you got to make her happy. Oh, God, yeah. Before. You can't upset Mamo. Heads will roll. I'm sure What do you call your grandma? She's Mamu Mamu So you gotta make her happy Oh god yeah You can't upset Mamu The tribe is

You guys are an interesting bunch For sure I've got a couple in my family And they're just Do you have camp friends? Did you meet her in camp? So I did not meet her in camp

Did I go to camp? Absolutely I'm Jewish It's quite quiet Your parents just say See see you fucking later. I'll see you in three months, bro. Once you become an adult, you realize how intelligent of an adventure it is. And then you think to yourself, why are all these non-Jews parents not doing the same thing?

So when I had kids, the Jews have, they've got two things down. They've got a lot of things down. Banking, the weather, they do a bunch of things. Night nurses and camp. And when I first had my kids, I was like, no, they're my kids. I've got to take care of them at night. I've got to be there when they're crying. I've got to do that work.

And then once I got past it, I was like, why the fuck wouldn't I just pay someone to do that? And then camp, see you on Labor Day. That's what I'm going to do with this Naomi chick. I'm just going to have her pop them out. Pop them out. And then camp. See you on Labor Day. That's what I'm going to do with this Naomi chick. I'm just going to have her pop out. Pop them out. Pop them out. And then, you know. See you later.

It's easy. Go do archery for three months in the fucking Catskills. Have fun in the summer. Long Island is an interesting place where it's either, I think it's either all class. Sure. Or complete. To me, it's the most magical place in the world. Genuinely. Yeah. As long as you stay on dirtball? To me, it's the most magical place in the world. Yeah. Genuinely.

Yeah. As long as you stay on the right side. Yes. That's it. Yes. We don't go the other side. But the other side does have... Don't get me started on Queens.

Now, if you go further enough on the other side... You come out the other end. Exactly. It's like you loop back around. Exactly. Then you're back in the most magical place in the world. Because the people who are on the right side, or I guess the left side in this case, are the people going further out to all the way out. It's that middle ground that really is the problem.

Because we all know to stay away from it. Right. So you're either close to the city and you're intelligent. Right. Or you're really far away from the city so you're just secluded. Because you've made enough money and you're gone. You've made enough money and you're just gone. Yes.

Screw everybody. And then there's the middle. Which is really life when you think about it. It's the middle ground. 100%. You know, it's the people. There's the salt of the earth working hard yeah there's the people who made their money and it's the douchebags in between salt of the earth yeah i mean you you

look it very much i'm a good guy yeah yeah people tell me i'm like an honest you know what i always get handsome funny absolutely honest great in bed constantly told that i'm humble people just stopping me in the streets telling me how humble i am. It's intense, but somebody's got to do it. I'm a martyr. Bro, you are. I'm 38, so you grew up a little old. Respect. As long as I still have hair on my head, I'm happy. That's all I need. So I grew up Saturday morning type wrestling, Hulk Hogan Saturday morning type wrestling but the Attitude Era

was what like grasped me as I think to this day the Attitude Era might be the but all of entertainment

like like the best group of entertainment week in and week out cause like there's movies and TV shows that you like

but the fact that it was every single week at the level it was at before you know it was that perfect spot. The internet wasn't really the big thing yet. No, you don't have to worry about any fucking censorship, all that shit, you know? And then I kind of dwindled off, whatever.

And you've been the first thing that has, like, pulled me back in to be like, I got to check out what's going on here. Because I am attitude. And this is what I like to tell people. I think the attitude era was the best era of wrestling until right now because right now has me. And I say that with love and respect and I say it humbly.

I genuinely feel I'm the most excited thing to happen to professional wrestling in over a decade. Everyone in my industry, you mind if I just spit out this myth? Absolutely. Everyone in my industry, you know, they all want to just tiptoe around the line. If this is the line, I don't just step over it. I'll fucking jump over it. Because what people want is somebody who's honest, open, not afraid to speak their mind. And that's me to a T. I'm not fake. I'm not phony. I'm as real as it gets. And I think now more than ever,

that's what professional wrestling needs. And I think that's what all elite wrestling brings to the table every single week wednesday nights on tbs from 8 to 10 p.m i think it needs someone who's uh paid their dues and worked on the independent circuits for like 10 20 30 years grinded it out um and and you know working on the yeah shows. You know, I think it's funny because there's this weird, like, this weird fantasy about, like, I need to see a guy in the ring who, like, just couldn't get it done for years, had to grind it out. Like what you're saying. And they wear black trunks and kick pads and they have the charisma of drying paint. Like, that's cool. If that's what you're into, by all means, you be into that. That's not what I bring to the table. I got signed on to a top brand in the world of professional wrestling and only 22 years old. I am now 26 after being on national television for

only three years. I am one of, and this is a fact, facts don't care about your feelings. Look up the numbers. If you don't believe me, I'm one of the biggest draws in the entire business at 26 years old. And I'm not one of the guys that I call it business at 26 years old and i'm not one of the guys that i call it grapple fucking and what grapple fucking is these guys walking out all sweaty with no personality i i don't care you don't care nobody in their right mind cares don't care everyone on twitter pretends they care but then i come out and they lose their shit so truth i think there's there's something like, again, to talk about there's two sides and the middle is the

problem. There are the guys who some of their technical wrestling can wow you. High flyers, whatever. There's something to be said for that. But it's about mic work. It's about the promos you cut. It's about the humor. It's about the

attitude. I don't like to use the P word, by the way. What's that? Oratory exhibitionist. I don't use the P word. That sounds phony to me. Wait, what is this? Promo. Oh, excuse me.

I'm sorry. Yes, I understand. But to me, that is like 99% of wrestling. I agree. And so anybody stuck in the middle of talking about technical grappling, what are we doing here? This isn't the Olympics, man. And I think in a way that's where wrestling fell off. And what I love about professional wrestling now

is I feel like it's a cornucopia of all these different styles. It's every single different flavor of ice cream. And then you have a guy like me who's a superstar. I walk out there. I can do it in the ring or on the microphone. And I'll talk into the mic. And I give you no choice but to stay tuned in. And I feel like that's what makes me special and what makes the company that I'm in right now

currently, as long as they keep paying me the fat bucks, what makes my company special is they let me go out there and do that with zero hindrance. Are they paying you the fat bucks? It's fucking insane the amount of money I'm making right now because I took a break. Yeah. Rightfully so. Yeah. Because I earned it. I told my boss,

I said, I want more money. He said no. I said, oh, word. Yep. Deuces. That's what,

I mean, the all-time grades can do that. Yeah. We saw it here. We saw, there's a couple girls running a podcast

who were like, all right, we're not doing an episode anymore. There you go. Guess what? They got paid. Yeah.

I bet they did. Yeah. Because if you're a draw, you're a draw. Now there's fakers out there that are like, well, I'll walk and your boss will be like, go ahead. Go ahead got paid. Yeah, I bet they did. Because if you're a draw, you're a draw. Now there's fakers out there that are like, well, I'll walk. And your boss will be like, go ahead. Go ahead, please.

Nobody fucking likes you. Right. I'm not one of those guys. Right. So I bounced. My boss realized over the summer that without MJF, there is no AEW. And he paid up. And I didn't have to sign a contract extension.

So I'm a happy boy. So you want to be a free agent in 2024? If they came to you with a 10 year deal. So again, I'm going to wait until January 1st, 2024 because I'm an intelligent businessman. And I do foresee myself winning that AEW world title and

what happens if my contract goes up and I have that championship? If I'm Tony Khan, I'm probably going to have to pay this guy a lot of money. Do you even concern yourself with other federations, if you will? Sure. I concern myself where the money's at. I'll go to a new company

with a new founder that no one's ever heard of if they're willing to pay me the most amount of money. Why don't we just start MJF Wrestling? I think that's an incredible idea. And it's something that I have brought up. Forget about this in-ring bullshit. Let's be the next, you know, forget about Tony Khan, let's be Vince McMahon, let's be the next

Vince McMahon. I do genuinely think that I'm a prodigy, and I say that humbly. And there's probably no one in the wrestling world that knows more or has a better wrestling IQ than me. I think I get, someone's calling me, I'm gonna hang up on them. Well, let's see who it is. If it's Naomi, we can talk to her. What's my agent?

Hold on. Brian, I'm in the middle of the KFC radio podcast at Barstool Network. We're actually, we're doing this interview. It's live to tape. Do you want me to hang up or do you want me to just

have a conversation with you on the phone? This guy gets it. He's cool. He's cool people. Do you want to just talk right now? All right. It's my guy, Dip.

All right. All right. You're Mage. Stay Mage. I'll talk to you later. Member of the tribe. guy, Dip. All right. All right. You're mage. Stay mage. I'll talk to you later. Member of the tribe. Oh, absolutely. I mean, you have an agent who's not the member of the tribe.

Of course my agent's the member of the tribe. You got an Irish Catholic agent. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Yeah. Yeah, I got a Gentile agent. Get out of here, dude. What am I, nuts?

Trying to make money here. So, no, of course I've thought about if there was financial backing and somebody said to me, hey, MJF, you'll be the face of my company. And you make the decisions. You make the calls. You decide who gets to go in the ring, who doesn't get to go in the ring. But why don't you want to be that guy? Because the most important thing to me is money.

And if I can make an absurd amount of money without having to be stressed out of my effing mind. Yeah, so you just worry about yourself and nobody else. The only person you should worry about is yourself. And if anybody tells you otherwise, they're out of my effing mind. Yeah, so you just worry about yourself and nobody else. The only person you should worry about is yourself. That is facts. Anybody who tells you otherwise is not rich or successful. No, they're full of it. One thing I've learned in life is that if you don't,

if you're not a little bit of an asshole, and you don't speak up, and you don't look out for yourself, you're not getting anywhere. You're just not. It sucks. I don't want to be I don't want to be that way You have to be that way Now a lot of people

Have a problem with what I'm saying Which I find hysterical But there's also I have fans So I'm the wrestling devil I call my fans devil worshippers And my devil worshippers They love me

Because they know That I'm not throwing bullshit Now I could be A happy go lucky guy I could sit down in this chair And be like Love everybody Everyone's important

Teamwork. That's not what I'm about. No. Because that's bullshit. Right. And they're just saying that to save face. What I'm about is making the most amount of money I can in the shortest period of time

without putting in the least amount of work. So I can retire at like 38 and never have to fucking look at anybody. That was a low blow, man. No offense. Yeah. It is what it is. You're figuring it out.

You're figuring it out. We'll get there. We'll get there eventually what it is you're figuring it out you're figuring it out we'll get there we'll get there eventually uh i would i would probably then counter saying that professional wrestling is not the easiest gig out there depends how you do it i guess so for me when's the last time you wrestled four months ago i'm an attraction just like andre the giant for a very different reason i'm not over seven feet tall. Right. Nor do I want to be. I got, I mean,

when I bend over in the morning when I wake up, I'm taller. But that's neither here nor there. So for me, I only wrestle when it's necessary. And people will literally punch their own grandmother in the face

if they get to see MJF wrestle a match. Because it's such a rarity. Yeah. And it's a huge ratings play. Really, when you think about it, it's supply and demand. You wrestle every week. week who gives a fuck who gives a shit and that's what these little grapple fuck guys do and that's why i am already at 26 years of age smarter than literally everybody in the industry yeah because well it's not a smart bunch though oh my god i

work with complete morons you kidding me they're all slack-jawed idiots mouth-breathing marks disgusting disgusting grotesque oh sorry i don't want to go off on a tangent here but yes you're Complete morons. Are you kidding me? They're all slack-jawed idiots. Mouth-breathing marks. Disgusting. Disgusting, grotesque. Sorry. I don't want to go off on a tangent here. But yes, you're 100% right. They're all dumb. What was plan B for MJF?

There was no plan B. If people say that... Let me tell you something. There was no plan B. I find plan B is to be very, very, very stupid. They just get in the way of plan A. I feel that way because if you... If there's any... This is real. This is me, a hundred percent authentically me as I always am. I'm salt of the earth, baby. If there's any part of you that allows for plan B, that means that you're

not using all of your time on plan A. And if you're not selfishly using all of your time on plan A, then that means plan A is not going to happen. I missed birthday parties. I missed births. I missed bar mitzvahs. I missed bar mitzvahs. I missed bat mitzvahs. I missed weddings. Did you have a bar mitzvah? Of course I had a bar mitzvah. It was Maximania, baby.

It was Maximania. It was a wrestling-themed bar mitzvah. Really? Was it Maximania? Oh, yeah. That's fucking incredible. All the hottest chicks. Oh, my God.

All the blow-up instruments on the dance floor. It wasn't a sausage. I'm sure you've been to a couple sausage fest bar mitzvahs. Yeah. There was a lot of chicks At this bar mitzvah Everybody hooking up Loads Tons of pussy

Loads Speaking of loads Okay We were all having a good time At my max Bro let me tell you That is where the tribe Really has it figured out

I'm a What 13 year old Irish Catholic kid I get confirmed I got $400 worth of Fucking savings bonds Yeah And a silver commemorative coin.

And I'm looking at the Jewish kids raking in like five grand. You forgot about the part where you get inappropriately touched by priests. Yeah. I'm done with the Catholic Church. We definitely haven't figured it out. Yeah. Well, you know, this whole waiting for the Messiah thing. You guys kind of missed the boat on the Messiah.

It's plausible. You probably made the wrong call on Jesus. Yeah. So here's the deal. It's plausible. You probably made the wrong call on Jesus. Yeah. So here's the deal. If Jesus was real, he was a Jew. Well, Jesus was real. He was a dude. If he was, he was a Jew.

Right. Right? Yeah, you guys fucked that up. But if he comes back, we'll apologize. Dude, sorry we killed you. Yeah, my bad. We were having a bad fucking day. We were having a bad day.

We were having a bad day. We were having a bad day. And also, not to be an asshole, all right? Guy gets strung up on a cross. Not great, right? No, not the best. But he died fairly quickly. How many days was he on the cross for? No, no, no.

This is a serious discussion. You're a Catholic, boy. How many days was he on the cross? I don't know exactly how many days it was. Can you Google this for me? Yeah. Okay. He was out for three hours.

Three hours. I was going to say, I don't even think it's days. Not to be a jerk. Because what happened was they. Not to be a jerk. They stabbed him. Okay. If the guy had it coming, he had it coming. But listen, three hours, right? How long do you think my ancestors were sitting in the Holocaust and camps being fed bread like ducks?

Was it three hours? You do have that one. No, it was longer than that. So Jesus, let's, okay. You went through three hours of fucking pain, alright? My people have been through a lot. That's a workout, man. So I think you can forget us. Yes! It's like watching an episode of Raw without fucking MJF.

It's watching old WCW wrestling. It's watching AEW, which people had to do the whole summer long without MJF. That's what it is. Disgusting. 100%. You're not like a family of wrestling, right? You're not like your father or grandfather. I'm a first gen, which is also why I think it's definitely very intriguing to people.

I don't come from this massive background or legacy. I've created my own legacy. Yeah. What did your parents do? So my father makes paleo bagels. He's about to sell the company now and work for me. You're welcome, Steven. Honestly, I work him like a slave.

I bet. Because he deserves it. Well, he should, yeah. He was the fucking shits growing up. Just a worthless fuck. And then my slut of a mother, she runs, to this day, she runs a steel company. She buys and sells steel. It's called B&S Aircraft Alloys.

Go give him a five-star rating on Yelp or whatever the fuck. It'll be the only positive thing that's ever happened in that whore's life. Steel alloy? Yeah, yeah. It's a BNS. I did not see that coming.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She sells steel to like the fucking military and to like aircraft suppliers. She's like, almost like a mass murderer. I mean, if you think about it,

but you know, if there's one thing I learned from my mom, it's okay if people die as long as you're getting benefiting from it. Well, who then makes you go on the Rosie O'Donnell show to sing like a fucking chump? That was my mom.

Yeah, what a move that was. So here's the deal. What'd you sing? Tell the people what you sung. So I sang You Are My Sunshine. You Are My Sunshine. To a very obese, overweight, talentless woman who still owes me money for that appearance. And I've been calling her out on that

now cut the check rosie years rosie o'donnell i know you got fucking money dude not a lot granted because you keep getting fucking canceled left and right and every single time you're on tv like you you know you're in bad shape if you can't even have like a youtube channel yeah you know what i mean i mean rosie needs to hang them up hang up those boots girl fucking leave your boots in the ring. Take a fucking shower. Undertaker style. Just wrap it up. Go to sleep.

Rest in peace, brother. Who's on your Mount Rushmore of wrestlers? Do you even have a... Am I allowed to say me four times or is that inappropriate? So if we're not saying me four times... Yeah, so who's fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth? So Triple H.

This is tough. Roddy Piper. That's like old school for you, though. So, yes and no. What a lot of people, I mean, people that know me and have listened to me speak, I'm a very, I think the reason why I'm so successful is because I'm such a huge student of the game. And I honestly, I prefer to watch 80s stuff over the Attitude Era stuff. Really?

Because to me, that's when people were the most authentic in the history of the business. Well, that's when people still thought it was real. Brother, it is. It is when I'm in the ring. It is when I'm holding the microphone. That's for sure. And that's why I'm such a fucking draw. Yeah.

So Triple H, Roddy Piper. God, see, this is where it gets hard. Really hard for me. I would say. Cutting it down to four. No matter what era you like. I'd say rock. I'd say Rock Austin.

And I think that's fair. You're leaving off an Undertaker. You're leaving off a lot of names. And I do that. Fuck Mick Foley. I'm the most famous Long Island wrestler. Mick Foley, get out of here, dude. Go take a nasty plunge to bed, dude. What about

Hulk Hogan, though? Give me your thoughts on Hulk. There's been some controversy for him. What about Hulk Hogan, though? Hulk Hogan, Double H. Give me your thoughts on Hulk. You know, there's been some controversy for him. A little bit. I don't know if you saw any of that. So I got no comment on Terry Bollea. What about Vince?

Vince McMahon, recently retired. Yes. Amidst a slew of interesting sentiments from a couple of different women. That's a lot of money. Those were large numbers he was cutting. Big women. It's a lot of money. Those were large numbers he was cutting. Big bills. That's like MJF money. Yeah.

So, you know, is his legacy in full tarnished? Maybe. Did he put out some of the best professional wrestling in the history of the business? Absolutely. I think he kind of, unless more is to come,

I feel like he kind of skated. Like he's like, he handled it right. Like, I don't know, he retired and that was, it's not making headlines right now if if people out there think he's miserable right now and it's hard for me to believe he's probably crying into a bed of money in his mansion in connecticut i think well i think he's fine i think he not that he should be if he did do all these horrible things sure sure but if he did

regardless like it's not like he's in the middle of his prime anyway no it's like he no it's the appropriate time he had a great run yeah great run yeah uh what's about what about maybe a future in politics for mjf you know it's very interesting i see myself acting uh i see myself doing kind of what cena batista and rock did um there's definitely a lot of feelers out there i'm actually going to be heading out to LA Actually literally after Dynamite For a lot of meetings There's definitely a lot of people interested in MJF What separates the people from Wrestlers from like those three

That can do it Like why can The Rock, Batista and Cena And then maybe We'll see Breakthrough So when I walk into a room When you listen to me talk it's pretty obvious that I have something that we call in the industry, it.

Yeah. You either got it or you don't have it. Right. There's a lot of bumbling fucking morons at Barstool Sports. Sure. But most of these guys when they're on. Yeah, yeah. Don't get me.

A lot. Yeah. But most of these guys when they're on camera, there's someone about them. You're like, oh shit, I got to watch this guy. You know? Whether it be you, whether it be Big Cat, whether it be El Presidente, definitely not fucking Brandon. Don't get me... A lot. Yeah. But most of you guys, when they're on camera, there's someone about them. You're like, oh, shit, I got to watch this guy. You know? Whether it be you, whether it be Big Cat, whether it be El Presidente, definitely not fucking Brandon. Don't get me started on Brandon.

That guy's the fucking shit. But, you got it? I feel a person in my industry haven't had the amount of droves in it that I have had since Cena. Yeah. Rock. But see, I... Batista.

Like, Batista... Maybe I'm wrong because they did it, so maybe I'm an idiot. But, like, I understand The Rock. I don't understand Cena as much. You don't find him charming in charismatic. Well, I actually did when, with the new thing he's doing. What's it called, Nick? The DC thing.

Suicide Squad. Suicide Squad. Oh, Cena, yeah. Suicide Squad. Suicide Squad. Yeah, I thought he was great in that what's his fucking name

Peacemaker Peacemaker yes Peacemaker I started to get it Batista you know he's like the muscle

in the fucking Marvel but I don't think of him when I see you on the mic I get it yeah I've never I never saw that

in Batista or really even seen it if you watch the later years of Batista's career you'll actually see that there was definitely most certainly a light bulb moment and I feel like now when you watch him in these movies he has this really dry humor and I think it

translates really well on the screen now yes when you look at Rock and Cena I think it's a different type of charisma you know yes Rock's like gigantic but I don't think that's the reason why he's so appealing. He's just this charming, charismatic guy that grabs you by the face and makes you watch the screen. I'm on a quest to find one person to tell me a bad story about him. Oh my god, I don't think you will.

Unless I get Vin Diesel in here. It's the only hope. Every person I've talked to, and I'm not trying to dig up dirt on the guy. I just want to say. Sounds like you are, but it's fine. No, I just want to hear like he didn't hold the door for me one time. Yeah, yeah. You know, he got food for everybody and left me out.

I don't know. Just something because everything I hear. I don't think it's going to happen. But how can you be that big, successful, rich, whatever, and not have been an – like we said, you've got to kind of be an asshole. I don't think I've heard one story of him. So for me, another thing that I feel like

makes me stand out... Do you know Don Rickles? Yeah. Okay. I fucking can't get enough of Don Rickles. I watched Don Rickles' compilations on YouTube.

There was something about him. He was like this lovable piece of shit. And I feel like we haven't had that in Hollywood since. And we definitely haven't had it in wrestlingllywood since and we definitely haven't had in wrestling in a while yeah so it's definitely something that i enjoy are you trying to be a piece of shit no i think people people definitely take me the wrong way and i think i can i can rub

people the wrong way at times but unsuccessful people yeah uninformed people jealous uninformed losers that probably live in the middle of long island i I mean the middle of life, middle of Long Island. That's the last place you want to be. You're mid. That was another thing. I said that in an oratory exposition. I said the word mid, and then it blew up on TikTok, and I saw no residuals for it. You invented mid?

Dude, I literally – if you listen to that TikTok sound, they put the sound up and clip it. It's me. Really? Yes. Do you remember that TikTok sound. They put the sound up and clip it. It's me. Really? Yes. Do you remember that TikTok sound? I mean, yeah. The TikTok sound of mid, but I didn't know it was you. It was me. And I saw no residuals for it. So TikTok, if you're watching, pay the fuck up. You and Rosie O'Donnell are on

my list. Get that agent of yours or whoever. Business manager doing that shit. Gotta get to it. He's a good guy. Not good enough, apparently. There's plenty more get to it. He's a good guy. Not good enough, apparently. There's plenty more in the drive. He's a great guy. But I definitely, I want my money. He's a great guy.

Are you popping out kids? So, like I said, do I see it happening anytime soon? No. Do I have enough money to have somebody else watch them until they get old enough for me to pretend I care about them? You can camp all year round. Exactly. Camp.

Dude, camp. Forget summer camp. It's just camp. Just camp. It's just camp. It's summer, winter, spring, fall camp winter spring fall camp just 24 who are you you're my kid okay great great good stuff uh what is uh the move here january 1st 2024 i go where the money is it's that simple really i have no allegiances i'm going to make if it's a dollar more from wwe you're going bye-bye or we're from impact or from literally a startup company that hasn't existed yet i am going where the money

what if it's not wrestling will you be a wrestler what if you get what if you get an offer from barstool sports how much money are we talking if you guys offer me more money than any how much money would it take right now what number would pull you away from wrestling? We're in seven figures territory. And by the way, I'm already doing pretty damn well. So we're in more than just one million. I'm not a fucking dweeb, okay? We're talking like real money.

Do I think you guys can probably afford that? I don't know. I think you're right. I mean, I would never wrestle again If I were you Why even risk it Do a podcast, do a show If you guys can offer me more money Than any of the big companies in the world of professional wrestling

It'll be fucking MJF radio It's the hour after fucking KFC You know what I'm saying Have you ever thought about that Like we said It's about the mic So And there's a fucking mic right here

Without Sure Breaking your back And breaking your neck And busting your ass And I'm very entertaining And funny and witty and humble If

If there comes a time Cause Cause here's how I look at it I want to make the most money I possibly can While at the same time Creating an everlasting legacy That people remember

For years to come I want In a decade from now to have you sitting in that chair and asking a young upstart wrestler, who's in your Mount Rushmore of professional wrestling? And they have no choice but to say my fucking name. That's what I want. However, if the acting thing takes off to an immeasurable point by 2024, sayonara. If you guys offered me a stupid contract in 2024, sayonara. Because again, it's all about money.

Would I like to create an everlasting legacy? Yeah, and honestly, it's possible that I could in a very short period of time. There are plenty of professional athletes that were only in pro sports for a very short period of time. Real quick. Bo, I mean, that's a great example. Who knows, Barry Sanders played for 10 years and was out.

See you later. So, look, we're talking semantics here. I'm open to wherever I will get paid the most money. And that's that. What's your demo like? Are we talking all dudes? Are the devil worshippers chicks? I do very well in female demos.

I do very well in female demos. Usually the guys who say that are the guys who do the best with chicks. It is what it is. They see what I'm packing in my trunks. I wear these tight fucking boys, and they know what's going on. They can tell. I don't wear any underwear under my trunks. I mean, why would you?

We've got to bump the number. I mean, why? Oh, a lot of the boys do, and I'll tell you why. It's because they can't back it up. They can't back it up. They can't compare to MJF. They don't want people at home to see what's going on. Baby MJF is...

It's like Ken doll, basically. It's't back it up. They can't compare to MJF. They don't want people at home to see what's going on. Baby MJF is. It's like a Ken doll, basically. It's just flat. Jesus Christ. Another one. I think I'm just going to, literally, I'm just going to turn this phone off. I mean, who's this now? Whoops. That was my other agent.

Ski him. I wish I was kidding, man. I'm a busy boy. When did you, so you're singing fucking You Are My Sunshine. Five years old, yeah. You're getting beat up in school for this, I'm sure, right? No. You're rolling around.

You know you were the shit? I was a god, dude. Yeah. People were like, my mom said you were on that. I'm like, yeah, dude. Yeah, that's right. I'm fucking your mom, too. Yeah, 100%.

Your mom wants you. When did you know? She wants to be part of the Maximum Ride. I mean, if you're on the Rosie O'Donnell Show at five, it's probably got to be pretty early. But when are you saying to yourself, like, in a legitimate way, I got something here. Like, I'm not going to just go to college and fucking work in a steel factory like my mom. So my story is pretty wild. I had a lot of D1 scholarship offers.

I was a middle linebacker. And I was fucking good. I broke the record in tackling at my high school. And I ended up going to a college. I can't legally say the name. You'll see why in a few. And after, is all real you can look it up yeah after we had what was called hell week and in hell week it's when i mean they run you ragged yeah like they're trying to fucking break you yeah and after a week they told me they were considering starting me as a

freshman and that's when you know i didn't get excited and i was like what story gets crazy i was like why don't you like this is what you've been working towards but deep down i knew what i wanted to do i wanted to be piper you know um so i go to my dorm room the guy that i was dorming with was also vying for the same position but was a freshman and was like probably gonna be sixth string like he wasn't he wasn't all that great right

and I looked at him and I go I don't know if I want to do this man and he said okay and he left the room and I was like that was a

fucking weird reaction the next day I get called into the coach's office he narked on me oh what a snitch so the coach looks at me

he's got his big fat fucking belly on the counter right fucking got a cigar in his fucking hand he's just like we spent a lot of time money and effort to get you here he's he's like i think you're just homesick and i was like i took offense to that yeah i was like definitely not homesick dude yeah like i know what i want to do with my life and i'm not sure if i want to just the fact that i'm not enamored with you and what you do. Yes. Imagine that.

Somebody considers something else in life and you're like, it must be. It can't possibly be that you just have different aspirations. 100%. And so this guy was bewildered. It should have been an honor for me. And I'm not saying it wasn't, but it's not what I wanted. So I looked at him. I said, I don't know if I want to spend the next four years of my life doing something that i'm not fully like invested in and he looked at

me and he said well we can't have you go then i was just like what does that what does that even mean he's like i'm gonna assign you an accountability buddy and dude in walked a gigantic offensive lineman named salavanti mastodon of an Italian man. Not Jewish. In case you're wondering, Sal Levante, not a member of the tribe. Not a member. And not from Long Island. Not even the middle.

And he followed me everywhere. Dude, followed me everywhere for two straight days. And eventually I waited until like the wee hours of the night. I hopped in my car and I drove home and my Jewish parents were not happy at all my mom was like what the fuck are you doing here Max what the like screaming leaves the room my dad looks at me and he's like dude what what what are you doing and i was like i'm gonna be a famous professional wrestler really i looked at him just like that yeah like a fucking nut job yeah and he was just like okay and that's only what like you're 26 now you were 18 then i was 18 yeah it's not that long ago then i i found a

wrestling school in my area that was in Long Island. It's called Creative Pro Wrestling. So are you, like, when I was growing up we would fucking, you know,

I'd jump off my fucking desk and like the top rope onto my bed and we're wrestling in the backyard in the snow. Were you doing

that kind of shit? Of course. I had a trampoline fed. Right. You know? Yeah. So we'd wrestle on the trampoline.

So you're doing like backyard wrestling. I think actually I fucked my neck up. I gave myself a tombstone once, and I think that's where all my troubles began. Do you think that's where everything started? I fucking just. It's a dangerous sport. It's no joke, dude.

Even if it's a trampoline. And what people don't realize is the ring is not bouncy. No. It's comprised of metal beams, wood, and a thin mat. Yeah. And that's it. That shit sucks. Oh, it hurts.

Why? Which is why. Why? Do it rarely yeah how many times do you you think you'll wrestle realistically over the next till 20 joint january 1st 2021 not much yeah not much i'm again i'm a commodity i'm a i'm a complete commodity so when i do wrestle it's must see tb so when you when did you meet Naomi? So this is also a funny story. Chock full of them baby. So Naomi

was good friends with somebody that was dating another wrestler. So and no it's very interesting. And the guy's name is Brian Pillman Jr. He's a good guy. He's a good guy.

He's a great guy. Okay? He's a great guy. Love him. Young, hot, upstart, blue chipper. And he was dating this chick at the time. And so allow me to give you some background on BP Jr. Great guy.

Great guy. So me and him were working for this promotion called MLW at the time. I was young. I can't remember the exact age, but I was young. And not to say that I'm not young now, but I was younger.

And almost monthly, he'd walk up to me and be like, man, MJF, I'm telling you, he's from like Kentucky or whatever the fuck. Man, MJF,

I'm telling you, man, this is the one. This is the one right here. I'm telling you. I'm like, yeah, okay, Brian. And like, love Brian, but he's like, he's excitable yeah and he would walk in and without hesitation or failure it would always be a stripper always always always always always and after like six months of this I'll give Brian credit he's fucking he slays with a woman like

good for him but after like six months of this we do a show in New York and he walks in with a girl that looked normal and I was con fucking fused made no sense to me she didn't have like weird fake balloon tits that scratched her eyes like she like a normal sane girl so brian walks away and i walk up to the girl very respectfully i go excuse me miss are you a stripper she didn't like that that does not go which is like ladies grow up okay okay? We all have jobs. So there's nothing wrong with being a stripper. So she turned around. She goes, excuse me?

I go, okay, maybe you didn't hear me. She's like, no, no, no, asshole. I heard you. She goes, I go to an Ivy League school. And I was like, I don't even know what the fuck. I'm like, okay. Like, what is, you need to pay for school, right? So now the girl's giggling.

And I was just like, I love Brian to death. You don't seem like the Brian type. Right. And I was just like, I love Brian to death. You don't seem like the Brian type. Right. And she was just like, I think he's cute. And I go, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Do you have any, you know, friends with better judgment?

And she laughed. That's a great line. And she showed me a photo of this, the most gorgeous redhead I'd ever seen. And her last name was Rosenblum. And I went,

choo-choo, choo-choo, choo-choo-chblum and I went to to to to to to and you have to understand you have to understand it's like a spider set yeah you know what I mean but the thing was is because I was on the independent circuit not for a long time but a long enough period of time I had to wrestle in like Indiana Kentucky Mississippi Missouri you're not seeing all these horrible places there are no Jews they don't even know what a Jew is get New York, California, Florida, Israel.

Done. Yes. That's it. That's it. That's where we hide. Right? So I was just floored. I was floored.

And then I literally, I said, give me this girl's number right now. And the girl goes, you walked up to me and asked me if I was a stripper. Like, no. And I was like,

come on, don't be a bitch. Yeah. So she, yeah, Texas, don't even fucking, it's the worst.

So she gives me the number. I don't text. I don't call. I FaceTime this chick. Wow. Right on the spot. I don't text. I don't call. I FaceTime this chick. Wow. Right on the spot. I FaceTime her. She was at work.

So she walks out of her job. She goes, hello. I go, my name's Max. I'm taking you out on Saturday this week. And she paused. She went, okay. And she hung up. And then we went out.

No bullshit. That's it. That's how it went down. I, for a second, thought the girl was going to be. Everyone always thinks that. And I was like, you know what? I don't know if the one would be a Brian Pillman Jr. type girl for me. No, no, no.

So Brian Pillman Jr. Great girl that I interacted with. Sure, sure. Great girl. Right. But not the one. The one is Naomi. And she handles all your shit, huh?

What's that? I would imagine it takes a special kind of girl to get... Oh, she's brain dead, but she's hot. She's hot. Yeah, she means well. She's a fantastic artist. She paints. And a lot of people buy her pieces online.

And you're willing to just hang it up and not... I mean, I would imagine where MJF goes, he can slay anywhere. It is what it is. It doesn't matter. She's got to deal with it. You want to hang out with daddy, you got to deal with daddy shit. It is what it is. I love it, bro.

So it's for now AEW. In the future, whoever cuts the biggest check. Could be Barstool Sports. Could be ESPN. Could be the acting career calling. What about if it's just, again, what if it's not a company? What if it's just you? I mean's not a company What if it's just you I mean you're in a world right now

I would need a financial backer That was willing to pay me more money Than everyone that we were referring to And then I'm in You're not You wouldn't want to go down the model of like Because right now You know

You don't need a company Your fans pay you You have subscription models You have merch You have all sorts of other shit Yeah Would you It's not the same as having a consistent

check and a contract. I'd imagine you're signed to a contract. It's actually interesting because I actually think there's a lot of parallels between what Barstool does and what wrestling does. I just think that a lot of the same mic work, whether it's a podcast,

you have it. You have it. Whether it whether it was writing blogs like you read a blog it was fucking funny or it wasn't podcast video con i mean literally some of the best people here have said like i modeled myself after wrestling and all that shit uh because i think it's either you you either got it or you don't bingo but i also a lot of people it's either you either got it or you don't. Bingo. But I also, a lot of people, it's very similar to stand-up comedy as well. And a lot of people in that world, they sell their own tickets.

They host their own podcast. They host their own subscription service. They sell their own merch. They are just their own entity without a paycheck. Here at Barstool, we do all that shit and we just get the paycheck for it. But those people, I think when you have it to the level you have, make a lot more money.

If someone's paying you, that still means that there's still daddy who's taking a bigger chunk of that money. Which is why you got to pay me a stupid amount of money if you want to keep me around. But don't you think that there's still, all right, you're getting a stupid amount of money and he's just getting that much more. And this is, honestly, God, this is the truth. I never want to have Tony Khan's job. I never want to have Triple H's job. Even if there's more money for that, you don't want that responsibility.

The amount of bullshit you have to go through, the only thing I want to worry about is me. If you ran this whole company, wouldn't that stress you the fuck out? Yeah, I mean, I look at Dave, and it's just like, no thank you. No thank you.

So if that means I get a difference in pay, but I'm getting paid just to be me and show up to work once a week, come on, dude. Okay, but so what would be the number without putting a number on it? Because businessman, January 1st, 2004. Double your pay as a wrestler triple

your pay if i offered you a billion dollars you would do it right of course right now where is the honestly right now i am making a i'm making a lot of money i want to make a lot a lot of money yeah so i'm already making a lot of money but i want to make a lot a lot of money so that way like i said no offense you're a great guy i can at 38 comfortably. I think it's in your future, bro. Appreciate that. My man. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, I'll touch your hand. Give me two. Ladies and gentlemen, just in case you are deaf, dumb, blind, stupid, or poor. My name is Maxwell Jacob Friedman. I'm better than you. And you know what? You can catch me every single week on AEW TV, whether it's Wednesday nights on TBS or Friday nights on TNT. So that's

all. That's my plug. I'm now going to shake your hand and then I'm going to look for some hand sanitizer. Not because I have a problem with you, but you know, diseases and shit. It's been real. សូវាប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បាាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.