KFC Radio - A Spittin' Chiclets x KFC Radio Crossover That Should Have Happened a Lot Sooner

Episode Date: July 13, 2021

Subscribe, rate, share, and leave a review! barstool.link/KFCRADIO - Is Feits sunburnt or tan? - an office debate - picking new colors to bleed, pee, and poop - how to properly jerk off in a car - what "gas tank" level would you want your body to show you? (This question will make more sense when you listen) - the guys are not impressed with Conor Mcgregor - KFC got punched by a homeless man - I Think You Should Leave Season 2 is one of the funniest shows right now - Top 5 words - Voicemails: - How much would your brain cost? - Run everywhere or shout everything? - 01:49:25 Spittin' Chicklets Interview including potential other career paths, fighting Jake Paul, what celebrity sex tape would you most want to see, and much more Let us know what you think on Twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @nickhammy5 @JNics415 @Joshua__dm @macczack21You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Thursday night, 8 p.m. at Levity Comedy Club in West Nyack. It's up in Rockland County. If you're in the burbs or if you want to just pop out of the city for the night, come see us live on stage. It's our first time back doing the podcast live since coronavirus, so me and Fights will be up there doing our voicemails. Am I the asshole? Top fives. It's your favorite show.

Live on stage. Click the link in the description to get tickets. Come on out and see us. See you there. There's a strong amount of people that are listening

to this that have probably watched a Peter North compilation of him coming on Chick's Facebook. Hey, the funniest is when he's doing it and it just keeps coming out and the girl starts going.

She goes out of character and she just starts going. Yeah, yeah. She breaks. She's like, what is happening? Don't break. Don and she just she's like and you know he's sitting there like i'm not even halfway done we've got like seven more ropes It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. We're back. Back in action after a week off. Hope you enjoyed the best of episode.

Today, we've got the spitting chicklets all three of them biz nasty ryan whitney rear admiral all three of them on the show and what was one of our one of my favorite interviews of the year uh without spoilers i will tell you i asked the question to the guys if you were not doing chicklets if you didn't play hockey, and now chicklets. What would you do? And Paul Bissonette's answer is magical. I forgot all about this. When you were like, I was like, I didn't know where you were going with it. I was like, oh, I wonder why. That interview was so long ago that I just don't remember.

I know. We did it a couple weeks ago before the break. We wanted to hold on to it because we want to simultaneously air it with their Answer the Internet, which is out right now and is even funnier than the interview. So you can go when you're done listening to this, head over to the Answer the Internet YouTube and watch that. Make sure you subscribe.

Motherfucker. So the subscription thing on Answer the Internet is crazy because KFC Radio is one thing. Because KFC Radio's got some work to do. We're at 70,000 now. Oh, and by the way, because we did crack 70,000, I'm going to do a YouTube live AMA, Ask Me Anything. So we'll set that up soon.

I don't care anymore. I will answer whatever the fuck you want. So come on over and ask me questions. But you can only ask a question if you've been subscribed. Right. In order to subscribe, it's a subscriber-only only comment section so if you want your question answered you got to subscribe but i understand that one because it's like we you know we have we we get like 95 of our views are from people that are unsubscribed but answer the internet has a quarter of a million subscribers and it's still a fuck ton of views of people who don't subscribe so if we could just get you said

five percent of subscribers yeah 95 of people who watch't subscribe. You said 5% of subscribers. Yeah. 95% of people who watch Answer the Internet, I guess that makes sense because those go viral and get outside the bubble, but all the more maddening because if just a fraction of those people subscribed, we'd have over a million subscribers on Answer the Internet. So Answer the Internet should be

a million subscriber product. It will. It will, but it's almost like why is it not? It's like Barstool is just so behind on YouTube, but the names that we've got and the shit that we've got your favorite comics and celebrities saying is second to none. There's just no other series out there that's getting the people of that caliber to say the ridiculous shit. And we're rolling out. We got Soder and Gillis kick things off.

We got Chicklets next week. We got Ari Shafir. I mean, everybody's coming through. So season three or four? I was going to say three. Four, technically. Four. Season four is cooking.

Three got cut short. But please, yeah. But please go subscribe if you do so. But, yeah, we're back, baby. But, yeah, Ryan Whitney's reaction to Biz's answer of what he would be doing if he wasn't a hockey player is like, that's why they're the funniest. Those guys, you can tell that they – that was their first time ever on – we've done – I think Rare Ads has been on early on. I think we've talked to a couple of them here and there, but we've never had all the chicklets on. You can tell as good as those guys are talking about hockey that they just want to let it rip.

That's where I always love what I love most about KFC Radio is that we don't – it's like our – what's it called? The gift and a curse or a double-edged sword or one of those fucking phrases where it's like, yeah, being as broad as we are has probably hurt us in some ways business-wise or whatever, but also not having a fucking niche, not having something you have to talk something you have to talk about about this oh not having to do anything that's honestly that's the goal in life right like when people say like if you won the lottery like what would you do would you continue to work i'm like well yeah because but then i wouldn't care yeah like what sucks about work is not like like work is good you get like you have a goal and you fulfill it and you you keep busy and you you know it's the feeling of having to do it that sucks if i could do this shit for

fun and know that i don't really need to then it becomes amazing yeah you can find me whenever the fuck you want right right and so you don't worry about ads you don't worry about money coming in revenue in any job it's like you know i don't think i would continue you know selling insurance if i had a zillion dollars but if i was doing anything that I somewhat enjoyed, it's my choice. That's really all life's all about. I can stop whenever I want. I don't need you at all. At all.

That's also why sometimes doing nothing, there can be no darkness without light. I feel like doing nothing can become overkill when you when you have permanently nothing yes it's like the best part about nothing is that you don't have to do all those other things if all those other things disappear it's like well now i feel like i should be doing something at least that's how i feel i get like uh like grass is always greener type vibes i'm dropping all the euphemisms today but it's like as long as you don't have to do it you can do whatever the fuck you want. So anyway, great answers from them.

Very funny interview. We'll do our voicemails. We've got top fives coming our way. But first, there's been a lot of shit that's gone on over the break. Johnny's back with a tan. I got a tan. It's a fucking tan. I'm tan right now.

It's crazy that anyone disagrees with me. If you're watching on YouTube, please comment. Let's have a debate in the comments section. Is John tan? The switch from the orange shirt was a great move. Earlier, John was wearing like a burnt orange Texas Longhorns shirt. I'm not sunburned. I'm tan. And he was under some fluorescent lighting.

And you looked straight Oompa Loompa. I looked like a Oompa fucking Loompa. There were some orange tones. People were making fun of John to the point that he said he was going to slit Casey Smith's throat. He said, I will slit your throat straight up. There was a big knife right there. Nick moved the knife. Nick took the knife away being like, well, you never know with him.

Could be. I mean, look. You are bright red. It's the fucking lighting in this office. No, well, what it is is you... Look how red your face is, John! Wait, is that altered? That's legitimately not touched up. No, that's not touched up.

Holy shit, John! The fact that you ever tried to say that this was... No, it's because I'm getting worked up and I yell a lot. Well, that's what I was going to say. That's what it is. It's you screaming that you're going to murder Casey Smith and the blood is pouring out of your fucking face. It's fucking, I have a fucking nice, crispy tan right now. You went like fucking Dennis in the suburbs today.

You were screaming. And that was, who came over? Somebody came over who's not really part of the gang or whatever and was like, your hair is orange. Oh, Tommy Smokes. Oh, it was Smokes. He was like, yeah, your hair looks orange. And you were like, what? No, it's blonde. It's lighter.

My hair is blonde. It was this double whammy. It was like Casey came over and was like, you're sunburned. And Tommy was like, your hair's orange. You're like, I get passionate about sunburned stuff. Because I'm the person who usually gets sunburned. I always have people tell me, you got a sunburn. And I'm like, I fucking know.

It feels like my skin is on fire. I don't have to tell me that I got a sunburn. I know I'm aware of sunburn. But when I don't have one, don't tell me I have one. Because my skin doesn't hurt. So therefore, it's impossible to be sunburned if I'm aware of sunburn, but when I don't have one, don't tell me I have one because my skin doesn't hurt. So therefore, it's impossible to be sunburned if I'm not in pain. I have a tan. Let me just say two things.

Number one, for the flip calendar next year, mark down July 12, 2021. I get passionate about sunburn stuff. Most of my summers, someone comes up and goes, oh, got a sunburn stuff. Most of my summers is spent with someone coming up and going, oh, got a sunburn, huh? And that's like, yeah, I fucking know! And that is my second point. And part of the reason,

you can roll it in there with the rest of why summer sucks, the office cubicle chronicle type of like, oh, got a lot of sun, huh? Oh, somebody got a sunburn. Oh, did you forget to wear sunblocks? We're just going to comment on this all day, aren't we? We're just going to talk about this all fucking day.

Why? Why do people care? And even a tan. I remember being at Deloitte back when I used to go out, like, you know, on the beach all summer, every weekend. So I was like fucking Puerto Rican. I would come back looking brown. And it was like I almost – I wish I didn't because, I mean, it was just constantly commented on. I would be like, stop talking about my skin color.

Talk about who I am as a man. My skin color doesn't define me, god damn it. If I could change one thing about the world, the one thing, it wouldn't be hunger in African countries. It would be I would like to go back to the time where pale was hot. Like those Victorian times where it was like yeah, because it was like, if you're tan, that means you're a peasant who's out there working

under the sun, and meanwhile the ballers are inside eating fucking like cucumber sandwiches, just being fat and pale. That. Imagine if we could just make fat and pale hot again? Because really, really, I would like to know this. Well, right now, I wouldn't do any good. Oh, because you're so tan. Because right now, I'm too tan. Because you're crispy tan.

Right now, I would be told I'm a disgusting peasant. And because he's been out there all day. And you're goddamn right I am. But sure, come November, when this tan's finally gone. That's what sucks. It goes so quick. We get tan And by like

September 10th We're gonna be pale again Yeah It's like getting skinny Like losing weight It takes forever To lose 10 pounds It takes 5 seconds

To put it back on But man Back when it was just like Oh damn That motherfucker's translucent I'm gonna suck that guy's dick Yeah that's what I want I want people to look at me

And wanna fuck me Because I'm pale That would be the greatest I wonder if there is something Do to suck that guy's dick. Yeah, that's what I want. I want people to look at me and want to fuck me because I'm pale. That would be the greatest. I wonder if there is something. Do you think that there's something like actually going on in your mind where like tan skin is actually more like, what's the word for it? Like appealing to the human eye? It definitely is. It definitely is.

But is it or is it? is it marketing from the sun i don't know because there was a time where the marketing of the society said like pale is hot maybe not hot but pale is desirable but is there something where now you see pale skin like it just looks gross i agree they're my body why can i see see them? My veins should not be visible, yet they are because – well, usually, not right now. Come on. Come on. Speak to him. You know what?

It is just weird too that your blood's blue. There's some red in there too, right? It's like a purplish. Is it like different veins? And then it hits the air and it gets red. That's at least what I understood to be true. That's bullshit. Sounds like an urban legend kind of.

Well, no. I mean, it's what happens. I've cut myself. It comes out red. Well, it definitely comes out red. But I'm like, is it in there just... I mean, are your veins blue because it's just like fucking blue? I mean, like my veins are the same color as my shirt.

Yeah. Yeah. So technically you could be like, this shirt is blood. Like, what color is that? Blood blue. Blood blue. That what color is that? Blood blue. That's the real answer. Blood blue is a fucking cool color. I think it would be so much cooler if it just stayed blue.

If you bled blue, I'd be a cutter. I'd be like, look at that. I'd smear that blue on. That would be awesome. Imagine if I was a cutter and I just had blue all over me. I wish you bled blue and pissed orange. But if you bled blue, I would rather bleed blue. I would want to pee.

I actually do piss orange sometimes. I would want to pee. You piss orange? Sometimes, for sure. The super hangover? Yeah. Orange? It's a very dark yellow.

It's almost like the color of what your skin was. Like a burnt orange. You know? Yeah, it's a very dark yellow. It's almost like the color of what your skin was. Like a burnt orange. You know? Yeah, it's a tan color. I would like to bleed blue, pee green, poop pink. I didn't like that. Like a cotton candy. I didn't like the way I received those words.

What color do you want to shit? It just had a bad taste in it. God, pink shit. Fuck off. If you could make all your bodily functions colors, what would it be? Okay. I'm actually going to stray from the pissing orange because I do that often enough. Not healthy.

No, no, super unhealthy. Okay, so I'm going to go. I am having trouble even thinking of colors. Your boy is brain dead. And it's not even – I was scared to say words the first five minutes of the show. I am rusty as hell. Yeah, no, the rust is real.

We always get off, we get one week off for Christmas, we get one week off in July, and every year, it's gotten harder to keep coming back. Like, a couple more vacations, a couple more years, I'm done. Because I just won't be able to come back. I couldn't do ad reads, I couldn't do One Minute Man,

I was like... I just can't. I'm looking around the room, like, hoping to see a color. You know what this is? This is like, right now, the Mets were getting hot, and I was like, oh, blah, blah. I just can't. I'm looking around the room hoping to see a color. You know what this is? This is like right now the Mets were getting hot, and I was like, oh, the All-Star break is going to stop their momentum. That's what happened. Yeah.

We had a lot of momentum. It all was stopped by our All-Star break, our mid-year break. This motherfucker can't think of colors. I'm going to go with. Nick is literally bringing up colors on Google for him. Okay. This is good. Well, okay. Well, now we have a new issue. That purple isn him. Okay. This is good. Well, okay.

Well, now we have a new issue. That purple isn't purple. That purple's blue. That is the same exact color as the blue. Okay. So here it is. I am going to... See, I was going to say shit green, but I do that sometimes, too.

It's incredible anybody has sex with you Or me Okay, alright, fuck it Here it is, baby Right off the rip, we're just gonna go I want to bleed green I want to pee purple I want to poop white

White poop Like little cotton balls Yeah, I feel like You know what I I'm switching my answer purple I want to poop white white poop like little cotton balls yeah I felt like you know what I I'm switching my answer I want to bleed black imagine that like just

like a pitch like midnight black I feel like I'd be like like a like a venom like a monster or something I think blood does kind of get that dark

if you bleed enough yeah you're probably right that's like when you're dead yeah like when you get like a gunshot to the belly that knife I threatened to select cases throw it with if you let me. Yeah, you're probably right. That's like when you're dead. Yeah. Like when you get a gunshot to the belly. That knife I threatened to select cases to throw with. If you let me get at you with that thing...

You bleed black. You'll bleed some black, yeah. Do you ever have black gum? Black gum. It's like licorice flavor. No. It's so gross. I don't know true gum. What? I don't know true gum. Anti-gum guy, huh? Yeah, I don't understand it. Well, that's a stupid thing.

If you told me you didn't like it, but don't you understand about gum? Well, I think I like to save my sugar intake for things I'm actually eating. Oh, that's fair. I used to... I do have fucked up stuff in my mouth that I... Yeah, you have enough mouth, like, habits. Yeah. Which, by the way, ten days. Ten days, no

nothing? No dip. Not even black buffalo? No nothing. Wow. Cold turkey black buffalo Congratulations not putting fucking Dirt in your mouth man I'm gonna do it again I'm not saying I'm quitting The reason he said 10 days is because that's it He reached his goal And that's all there is to it folks

I used to think There was a time where I didn't chew gum because I felt like I was tricking my stomach I felt like I was getting hungrier Because my stomach thought I was going to get food. It's like my stomach was like, all right, the chewing is happening. Where's the food? And it never came. I can see that.

Yeah. I feel like it's like cock teasing your stomach. Giving you blue balls in your stomach. Blue balls, not real. Not real. Not a real thing. That always gets people fired up. Big time.

As someone who has had erections that did not finish. As someone with balls, I can tell you. I've never been in any pain in my testicle area because of that. Now, the blue balls truthers will come at you and tell you that there is such medical thing that can happen where, like, if you are right on the precipice of releasing and you don't, that something can happen with your prostate and wherever the cum comes from, the semen's over here, the cum's over here, I don't know, wherever. And there can be something where it's, like, you know, filled up or backfiring or whatever. There is some medical truth to it. What you're telling the girl who won't blow you is blue balls that's not real when you tell a girl like oh you gotta

finish me it's like no you just want to get your rocks off that's not blue balls but there will there's always occasionally a person who's like no no it's true man like i was in like a car accident like something hit my balls and that's like yeah okay that's there are medical things that can happen with your cum but car accident no i'm just saying And it's like, yeah, okay. There are medical things that can happen with your cum. You mean a car accident? No, I'm just saying that there's like... I was jerking off behind the wheel one day. Xeno, Suburban, Brandon Redlight fucking smoked me. Could happen.

Yeah, yeah. You ever jerk off in the car? I've jerked off once in the car. Driving? Yeah. While driving? While driving. Yeah, I jerked off in traffic once.

I didn't do it in traffic. I did it on the open road. Yeah, well, that's much safer because I'm pretty sure people would see me. What you need to do is if you ever are going to jerk off in the car, you need to jerk off with equal height alongside you. Like if you're in a sedan and two sedans are next to you. You don't really have much control over that. I know. That's the problem.

So, you know, I'm like, all right, I'm good. I'm in the left lane. I'm on the BQE. I was on the Belt Parkway. And so to my right is like a car that's, you know, the same height as me. So I can just kind of sit there. As long as I don't do too much shoulder, you can't tell anything's going on. But then all of a sudden.

You were doing it there? Yeah, I can tell there now. But think about if I was in a car. Think about it. But right now you're looking for think about if I was in a car. Think about it. Right now, you're looking for it. But if I'm in a car, so do I. But then the problem. So I'm next to, let's say, a fucking Toyota Camry, right?

And I'm like this. And it's like, they're not paying attention. All of a sudden, the flow of traffic. You can hear that on the bottom of the table. Now, all of a sudden, the flow of traffic changes, though, and I'm next to some fucking guy who's got like a truck kit on. He's raised. He can see right down into my window.

I'm sorry, man. Too much traffic. I can't believe I was one point so goddamn horny I just couldn't wait to get off. Like, get off. Bro, I can believe it. I mean, yes, I can, but that's pathetic. We are pathetic beasts who are completely dictated by how much cum's in our body. There are times I've been on, like, a subway and been like, boy, if there was a bathroom in here, I'd have fired one off.

I feel like we, if you could have something on your body. Let's do an ad read real quick. We got to get, we got to pay some bills before we go. Well well it's new amsterdam so we can talk about that no matter you know new amsterdam's down with us talking about cum it's fine uh new amsterdam vodka with the chiclets on it's it's perfect timing uh pink whitney has been you know the most important uh liquor arguably to ever exist not Not even kidding. Like, not important, but most successful.

I would say that, like, you know, vodka itself is the most important alcohol of all time. And then Pink Whitney comes along with a little twist.

Dana Beers was rocking the Pink Whitney jersey, the Chiclets Pink Whitney jersey at his chugging event for the Bucks. Making amends for his ridiculous post of a competitor. So I feel like Dana's back. He made good with Chiclets and New Amsterdam.

So you can go get Pink Whitney. You can also get the Barstool Sports co-branded vodka bottle for this year. It was for the 4th of July. It's the red, white, and blue, but obviously now past the summer is over, according to Polly Feidelberg. That's right. But you can still get your summer bottle of New Amsterdam vodka with the Barstool Sports branding.

So go get some New Amsterdam. It's the official vodka of Barstool Sports. If you could have something on your body, or if you could have one gas tank, if you will, for something in your body that you could like see, what would it be? If I could have a gas, I mean. And the reason I say that is because I was thinking like,

and you don't really need, you know, you know when you're hungry, you know when you're this, you know when you're that, but to see it and know it, you know, it's like what, like's like my favorite thing about cars these days, having grown up, like being old enough to know how old cars were. Like just having a fucking little stick tell you how much gas is left. Now it's like you have this many miles before you're fucking out. You know what I mean? And I'm like, oh, all right.

Now I know. When you're on E, you really do have a long fucking time to go. So having like the actual numbers and display is important. If I could have a little meter that lets you know, like, bro, you got to get some cum out of your body. You're about to make some bad decisions. You're not thinking with a clear head. Your cum meter is way too high. It's too full.

I would maybe do that. Do the I. I would maybe do that. I think that's probably the smartest one to have. Well, so my two would be either the cum, which is almost like a reverse NBA Jam turbo. You know, you want your turbo to be full. You want your cum tank to be empty. You know?

But that or hydration. Hydration, you know that one too, right? Well, you know all these things unless you're a fucking moron. But, you know. Well, I don't know the cumon. I don't know how much cum I have in there. No, but you know when you need to get one out. I don't like that phrase. That's like Dana Beers saying he was the king of blowjobs. I know how much cum I got in there.

I don't know. It's even worse. That is unbelievable out of context. I have no idea how much cum is in there. That is unbelievable out of context. It's like you've been getting fucked all week. I have no idea how much cum is in me. None of us do. None of us do. It's a funny statement, but it applies to all of us.

Right now, you have no idea how much cum is in your body. It is. God, it's crazy that chicks have to get cum in them that's nuts it's just the fact that girls have to get dick and get cum is gross like the fact that you guys just got a hole that gets filled up is really unappealing like think about you know know That feeling of like I mean I don't know I guess like you know When I clean my ears

I actually like it Maybe I like getting fucked I don't know But for the most part I feel like getting Stuff stuck in a hole That's quite a leap I like a Q-tip

Maybe I'll like a cock in my ass You know what You trying to get your girl to do anal That's a good first step guys You know that feeling When you get get your girl to do anal? That's a good first step, guys. You know that feeling when you get the Q-tip in right? It's just like we do some anal. But the fact, you know, I feel like penetration in general is like a... It's a violent thing.

Yeah. I can't believe you guys like that. Fill up your holes. Yikes. And then afterwards when you got to do it, the waddle. I like when they go like. Can't sneeze. Like they hold their breath.

Like as if it's going to suck it up into your pussy deeper. Like that does nothing, girls. Anyway, what's your meter? Oh, boy. You could do hunger. You could have your. What if you had your BAC right on your little knee or wrist? You could be like, yeah, I could do another shot.

That's a good answer. That's – no. You know why that's a bad answer? Because you would get fucked up because you want to run it up. You want to try to score. Yeah, you would be like, oh, pussy. We had that. When you just had the gun, right?

With the breathalyzer. Yeah. And it was like – Dangerous. And it was like, you know what? Maybe this isn't a great idea. That's – you know how – you know that's so dangerous? You guys were young and dumb and stupid enough to do it.

But it was – and even though you're that dumb, you still knew it was a bad idea. Yeah. That's how bad of an idea it was. Because even the morons in college knew, oh, someone's going to the hospital if we keep this up. It was like – we did like one weekend. I'm like, guys, never. Never again. All right.

So this is my final answer then because that led me to – now that I'm much more on 3-C delta-8 than drinking, I want to know like that, not whatever your BAC for like weed is because then like you take an edible. You'll never have that like should I take another half ever again? You could be like, oh, okay. It's just not there yet. You know what I mean?

I need a tank and a timer. If I could take an edible, and I'll be like, you have 47 minutes until this kicks in. I'd be like, okay, now we're good. I was going to say, watching that, though, that would give me the weed anxiety where it's like, you're like, wait, is it slowing down? Is it slowing down? No, no, no, no, no. You know what that would be like?

That would be like when you use Google Maps or Waze in New York City. You can't do that. It's like 17 minutes, and then all of a sudden it's like 35 because it's going up. So you'd be like, all right, like 10 minutes until my Wii kicks in, and then it's like all of a sudden – or Uber when it's like eight minutes away, and all of a sudden it's three minutes, then it's 10 minutes. That would be all over the map. But if I could know when I'm about to be high and that that final countdown, like, three, two, one.

Dude, I had a buddy this weekend go take an edible and be like, all right, I'm going to try to make it to Target before it kicks in. Yeah. And he went with his girl. And then he comes back in with a big smile on his face and goes, didn't make it. He didn't pull over and he switched to what he was driving. On senior year, we used to cut out of school.

Not cut out of school. We would just take our lunch break. And rather than go eat food, we would just go get drunk. And we would – so my one buddy, he was always like the guy who drove us. And we would drive to our friend's house. And he would – he wouldn't drink. We would all kind of get fucked up for like an hour. And then he would like slam like a cup of vodka and be like let's go like quick we'll get back to school in a couple minutes i won't you know it won't hit me until then like boy we were too young to be

doing shit like that like 18 years old he's like just just gutting a full name okay let's drive um uh okay let's get into some topics let's drive. Okay, let's get into some topics. Let's talk about some things. And then I got two personal stories. But I feel like you went totally off the grid. I was completely off the grid. Did you watch anything? Did you see any of the soccer, McGregor, any of that shit?

Yeah, I watched most of the soccer. But you just stayed off the internet. Yeah, I was deep off the internet. It was awesome. I wasn't even bringing my phone out most days. Oh, it's a beautiful thing. It was really, really great. It does, like, there are things you miss.

I basically don't know anything that happened. The main events I watch, but I don't know anything that happened on the internet. The reaction. Yeah, yeah. I'm my dad. Yeah, right, right. I don't know any little internet stories. I don't know. But, like, yes, I watched the main events and the fights and things like dad. Yeah, right, right. I don't know any little internet stories. I don't know.

But, like, yes, I watch the main events and the fights and things like that. Yeah. But it did, like, it does backfire sometimes, though. Like, all day I was, like, dreading doing therapy on Friday. And then I went there and I sat in on it. And she just didn't show. She texted you, like, I can't make it. She said, you know, I'm not going to be here.

Oh, by the way, I'm done with email. Yeah? I don't do email anymore. I don't really do much email. Now that I'm not, like when we used to blog, Gmail, Gchat was like my favorite thing. My favorite of all my technological platforms. Now that I just don't do email. You need me? Put it this way.

If you don't have my number to text me, we know. I don't care about your business. Whatever it is you're trying to you know, we're not close enough. So get closer to me. Then you know i don't care about your business whatever it is you're trying to you know we're not close enough you know so get closer to me then you can text me and then we'll do whatever it is you're bothering me about just forward them to me forward them to me i also just email nick if you got if you want to talk to me email nick bro i'm out on emails i'm out on texting i'm dude here's my problem i need i need to break everyone in my life and it's my own fault because you've seen me i text like too much and I reply too much. But like the other day

I just put my phone down for like an hour. I came back to 24 text messages. In an hour. And it wasn't, there was like one group chat that probably was firing off a bunch. But for the most part it was like 10 or 12 conversations. Different texts. And I was like, what the

fuck is this man? Leave me alone. But I've enabled it by replying to people I should I need to break them and and not reply it's like uh it's like it's almost like it's a what I need to do to like my friends and family what I feel like you should do to girls or anybody in a relationship like you know in the beginning when you like somebody you you text them all the time and like and you probably shouldn't because inevitably when you're out of the honeymoon phase now you've now you've set a standard you know what i mean now it's like i gotta do like good morning and good night texts with you after like how many years are we together you know what

i mean so you almost should proactively be like i do want to text you but i'm not going to for the sake of the long haul that's what i need to do with my friends and family right now i'm just gonna not reply to you and it's nothing personal. It's just to break you from texting me. I think you should do that. I strongly suggest it. Think about the world back in the day, man, where it was just like, you know. Yeah, you're dating someone.

It's like you go on a date or you see them or whatever and then for whatever reason, you know, you live in separate apartments. All right, see you. And that's it. You go home and then, I don't know, you call their landline like a couple days later when you want to hang out. That's amazing. This is what I've been advocating for. You wouldn't allow me to do it.

No. You've broken. No, no, no. Well, I still believe that the best communication can be texting. But if it could be within the frequency of like old school life. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

I'm down with that too. That's fine. If you want to send me one text a week, that's okay. The amount though of like, you know, when people are like, well, you gotta have your cell phone like for, for like emergency purposes. It's like, well, what? There were, there were emergencies before cell phones and people would just be like, I don't know, find a pay phone or something.

Or they used to just shout. I love that movie. Somebody call a doctor and somebody would fucking call a doctor i guess i don't know uh but but yeah i need to break that down anyway so the reason i asked was uh to know if you if you watch mcgregor um i think i'm out on conor mcgregor how come i don't like him anymore why i thought that was a terrible showing start to finish the whole process for mcgregor this fight i thought his shit talk was was bad and like not clever or witty and repetitive and then obviously you break your bone and you don't perform well in

the fight and then afterwards the thing that i don't think you you did see so when rogan was interviewing poirier after the fight and mcgregor down, like, basically waiting his turn, which I thought we were going to get an all-time moment. I was like, this dude is not getting carted off right now because he's waiting to, like, get his turn. And I was like, he's about to cut, like, a promo from his ass with a broken leg. That's going to be incredible.

And we'll talk about that in a second, but while Rogan's talking, there's a new camera angle from someone who was either sitting ringside or ran up on it like they're right on the fence on the octagon and he's yelling at poirier and his wife saying he's gonna kill them in their sleep which is and and it is funny and you're out on this yeah well that is what's funny so so when i see it happen i'm like and i and poirier all week was not all week but at the very end was like, I'm all for the shit talk.

But when you tell me that I'm leaving in a coffin and I'm never going to see my family again, like that just seems like some sort of unspoken rule that UFC guys don't do to each other. So I understood like his point of view being like that's trash. And then I'm thinking about it from a trash talk point of view like you're going to kill him and his wife in his sleep. But then when I say it out loud like like when we did it on the rundown i was like yeah this is pretty ridiculous this is this is so preposterous that it's almost funny to be like but but in terms of trash talk also like picture like he's gonna have to use crutches for this and the whole time he's pointing so he's pointing the gun to his head so he's being like he's like this is not over you and your wife you're gonna get it in your sleep

you i'm gonna get you and your wife in your sleep. And then so the thought of him like, pow, pow. I mean, it is ridiculous. You got to use crutches to do a murder? That's a funny murder. I will say, I'll leave it undecided. If he actually murders them, then it's cool. Then it's funny if he actually pulls off the murder.

But I thought, part of the problem here is I like Poirier. Yeah, I like Poirier too. So usually I'm fully Connor. I didn't like Khabib. I don't like his opponents, so I'm all in on it. But I like Poirier, and I thought he handled himself perfect. Like when McGregor was calling his wife the husband of the marriage, and he was just like, yeah, I love my husband.

It's literally right out of Cinderella Man. At one point, Max Bear says to Russell Crowe, like, oh, your wife does all your fighting for you because she threw a drink in his face, and he just goes, yeah, ain't she something? And it was like, you know, just totally disarms you and you look like the cool guy. So he does that.

I mean, how many times is Connor going to talk about her in the DMs? I don't know. That is weird. And it's like we all know that she was probably either talking shit or like whatever it was, it was not sexual. It was not like I want to fuck you. I want to suck your dick. And he just kept saying it. And then I thought the interview from like with a broken leg, it just wasn't –

and I don't blame him. I wouldn't be able to do it either. But what I like best about Conor is he's usually funny and witty and clever and swaggy, and I think that's only when he's winning. And I don't blame him for that either. But part of me thinks it's – I don't know if that's ever going to be that way again. Yeah, it's probably – I mean, he's older too, right? He's 34 now.

And the difference is you can't be. When you make $180 million a year, you can't be that dude anymore. No matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you try to put your mental self back in that spot when you were on the come up, you can't do it. Because it's just like human. If you have a bad day, you just go, ah, fuck it, I'm going back to my wife on the yacht.

As opposed to like i gotta like i'm on welfare so i need to you know so i don't blame him for it um but i just think like it's over for him being like that dude he'll always buy his fights and maybe he'll have some big moments but he'll probably fight poirier for the fourth time bob fox was telling me like the nate diaz thing will always be there and like those are two big names that will always, like, get juice. But I don't think he's ever going to be, like, the champ champ again. No, I don't think so. I think he's –

Bob says he's always one fight away from a title shot because, like, anybody will give it to him for the theatrics of it all. But I think when you actually are – when you earn it more than just being – I don't know. I just don't think he's got that from a casual point of view, of course, because I'm not a real MMA fan. But, like, watching that whole pay-per-view, I'd rather watch Homeboy doing the shoo-ee and coming out to Spice Girls.

Did you see the rest of the pay-per-view or just the McGregor fight? Just the McGregor fight. Dude, this guy. How do you say his name? Tuavosa? Not sure. Taya Tuavosa. I'm butchering his name, and I should know it by now.

He's an Australian dude He's a heavyweight He's fat Got like Blubber And Comes out to If you wanna be my lover

Wanna be By Spice Girls And his thing is Every time he When he wins He does a shoeie So he popped up On top of the thing

On top of the octagon Pours the fucking beer Chugs it I mean The place was going wild. I swear. I mean, and you see that gut like hanging? Is it his shoe?

I think it was like his team gave it to him, right? But then on the way back to the – Wait, is that pre-fight or post? No, that was post. That was after he won. And he beat Greg Hardy. Oh, okay. So everybody – like literally the whole world wanted

him to win he one punches uh greg hardy and like like knocked his eye out does this fucking dance he's australian he's got the accent does the shoey and then on the way back into like the locker room people just giving him like other people giving the shoes like he's chugging on random people's shoes one guy was like probably like 10 15 feet above him just pouring a beer. He's like, ah. He's filling up. I mean, he is going to be a fucking superstar. There was this other kid who filled in fighting Sugar Sean O'Malley on like 10 days notice. He took like 260 significant strikes.

It was like the most ever in UFC. He had 85% accuracy. He just destroyed this guy's face, and he just wouldn't go down. It was unbelievable. I'm like the biggest fan of this guy ever. Sugar was like running up the score. He's literally pretending to play basketball and dribble and shoot. He's doing spinning kicks because he thought he was going to end him in the first round,

and this guy just kept on coming. He was fucking real life rocky in the mma uh did he win no no he i mean it was it went to but it went to no no no it got it got stopped so that was the big thing it was four and a half 4.9 rounds like there was 30 seconds left and the ref stopped it and everybody was like let him go the distance and it was like no his brain's about to be detached like oh sugar said like uh he was like i'm happy you stopped it and everybody was like let him go the distance and it was like no his brain's about to be detached like oh sugar said like uh he was like i'm happy he stopped it because i was about to take 20 years off his life if he kept it up but still like front to back the whole the whole pay-per-view was awesome and like connor was not like the was not the reason that's the first time ever for me that i was like the rest of these guys actually interest me more in that but um

but much the way bob says he's one match away from a title fight, he's probably like one good showing on the mic away from me loving him again. Yeah. Because he's just – when he is on, he's the fucking funniest in the game. But this was funny too. Watch this. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Look at that.

Jesus Christ. And that was to end the – then it was like ding-ding-ding. But that was like when you're fighting with your brother you know it was a good old fashioned

violent time but yeah so you're still I'm probably perhaps more casual fan than you

so I will buy every McGregor fight this one like 4th of July week was just like like, hard. I didn't even follow any of those. I saw Bob Fox's question, obviously, but, like, I didn't follow the press conference.

I didn't really care about it. I was like, I'm at the beach. But even that, I feel like, you know, because there wasn't much. You know, usually there's a couple, like, big moments that are funny or memorable or whatever that do go viral. And I didn't think there was really anything other than you're in my DMs, you know? But, yeah, I mean, at this point, it's like Jake Paul is probably a step closer to getting his fight. Oh, my goodness gracious. Imagine.

Imagine that. That would be absurd. Here's my question. I bet. It wouldn't surprise me anymore. No. I mean, especially if that injury is, like, real bad. And, like, I think it's not.

I think it's just, like, bone breaks. It's going to be six weeks. But if he's old and injured and all that, then you can get more money to do a silly exhibition. God, it's so fucked up. The way he broke it? Yeah. And Poirier is trying to take credit for it,

being like, I started that, and then he finished it, which is probably true to some extent. But that's a... Yeah, that's like your dad finished it, which is probably true to some extent. But that's a. Yeah, that's like. That's like your dad. Like I loosened it. Yeah. Yes.

Yes. I did all the work. Yeah. Yeah. You didn't open that pickle jar. I did. So here's my question then. If you were Poirier, would you fight McGregor for a fourth time?

Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I think it's dependent. I mean, I guess. I mean, the payday is so much bigger with doesn't for you can't fight anyone else and get i mean i'm not saying this from a fighting standpoint but like so i can confidently say that i would not get another doesn't for you fight doesn't for you fighting yeah someone i probably wouldn't right

and they get shares of like the total number pay-per-views, so it matters who you're fighting. So, I mean, I just think that, like... You think why? You think he wants to go out on top? Well, if Poirier goes on to win a belt, and he's the champ and shit, I think the best way, and especially now that there's true bad blood between McGregor and him, and you're talking shit about my

wife and my family and all that, the best way to piss off Conor McGregor is to be like, oh, you're an afterthought. You're in my rear view, man. I'm beyond you. Telling Conor McGregor you're not the bread anymore, I'm on to bigger and better things. But you are not. Well, but I'm saying if he wins the title, if he is that dude.

And of course, yes, to the casual fan, no. But in his world, it's like, I'm saying if he wins the title, if he is that dude, and of course, yes, to the casual fan, no. But in his world, it's like, I'm the champ. I beat you fucking – you want me to beat you for a third time? That's the only reason why I would do it is because he's just going to keep beating him. And he's going to make more money, and he's going to go down in history as the guy who's like, I beat Conor McGregor like four times. I ended McGregor. Yeah, I just keep beating him. But, yeah, I mean, that dude, I just, I'm a big Poirier fan now.

I like that guy a lot. I feel like if he wasn't fighting McGregor, he would be like a bigger star. Because it's just like so many people were on Conor's side, you know? But he's, there's not much to hate about him. He is very cool. I like Poirier. Good looking guy, too. He didn't have the mangled ears.

But maybe, you know what? I bet you... Where'd she go? I actually want to ask her something now. I wonder, do you think that fighter's ears, cauliflower ears, is like a turn-on to some girls? I would definitely agree. Yeah? Yeah, it's like a trickster's car. Yeah, but also those are pretty fucking gross.

They're pretty... Well, it depends. He's a good-looking guy on top of it. If you're just gross and your ears are mangled, I don't know about it. But I feel like, you know, you got, like, a crooked, biz-nasty nose. You got the cauliflower ears. And you're good-looking otherwise. It's kind of like, oh, yeah, that guy.

That guy fucks. Yeah, for sure. All right. Then here's a hypothetical. I'm just full of hypotheticals today. If I could, like, guarantee you somehow, snap my fingers, that every girl you come across would find your cauliflower ears attractive, would you take them?

You don't have to get them. Snap your fingers and you're going to have fat filled in ears. But it's going to become Jackie. Do you think that cauliflower ears, you know, like wrestlers, do you think that's hot? Like, let's say, like, have you seen Dustin Poirier, the guy McGregor fought?

He's, like, a good-looking guy otherwise. No, but. So, like, is that something you find you'd be like, that's hot, like, that dude, like, you know. I think it's hot if they fight, but I don't think it's, like, the cauliflower ear part is kind of gross. But it is, like, hot if, like. So, but that's what I mean, though. Like, in the moment, are you... Do you think that... He's a good looking guy, but his ears

are kind of sticking out. Oh, yeah, he is. It's kind of gross. Then my answer is no. Do you think that most girls would say, no, that's just gross? Is it on the same level as Chick-Stick Scars?

If he had a crooked nose from getting it broken every time and his ears were all filled in No, that's just gross. Like, is it on the same level as, like, Chick-Stick Scars? Yeah. Like, if he had a crooked nose from getting it broken every time and his ears were all filled in because he's, like, a UFC champion, are you, like... Well, it's different if you're a UFC champion. So you've got to be a winner. If you're just a bum who just gets his head beat and... You're good-looking no matter what.

So, like... Okay. Okay, so that's a fact. You're good-looking. So then there could be good-looking and you're a loser, good-looking and you're a winner. But either way, you're good-looking, but you have the cauliflower ears. I think you have to be, like, a UFC. You've got to be a man. I think you looking and you're a loser. Good looking and you're a winner. But either way, you're good looking but you have the cauliflower ears. I think you have to be like a UFC.

I think you kind of got to be a winner. It's not like rugs. It wouldn't be like a – So I ask John, if I could snap my fingers and make all girls think that his cauliflower ears are hot for some reason, like they just look at it and go, oh, man, that guy is like rough and tough, would you take it? Yeah, I guess so. If you're giving me something that all women find attractive. Yeah.

But the reason, I don't think I would take it. Why? I think it's gross. I also feel like it's weird. I've never felt them, so I don't really know. Well, I feel like, first of all, can you hear? Right? Doesn't it fill in at some point?

He has, and he said one time the earphones fall out of his ear. That's what I mean. I bet you there's more things that you don't realize that's weird about it. Yeah, I didn't think about the... And now that you bring that up, like, that sucks. KB is just a fucking, like, comedy writer now with fucking mangled, filled-in ears. And can't wear headphones. Right.

Like, he probably has to wear, you know, the over-the-ear ones. That sucks. That's a tough one. That's like being, would you rather have mangled ears and no longer be in the fight game, or be, like, tall one, who is, like, 6'10", but never played basketball? Both of those things are pretty inconvenient in regular life. Outside the octagon or outside the hardwood,

you just are a freak, bro. But, like But if you were a college wrestler or whatever, at least you can still handle yourself still. Yeah, that's true. He's like a giraffe on ice. KB can still put you in a fucking guillotine right now

and choke me out. Yeah. Alright, so I had two incidents. It's brought to you by Notion. Not all work collaboration tools are created equal. We know that. I mean, some programs are better.

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A homeless guy punched me in the back. What? Yeah. A homeless guy punched me in the back. What? Yeah. Homeless fella punched me in the back. When? Over the weekend. I'm walking back. Bro, what did you do to the homeless community?

I don't know, man. I don't know. They don't like me. So I'm walking on 8th Avenue. I was coming back from McDonald's. I's i had food my drink i'm with people so we're all you know we all got our hands full it was it was kind of crowded and i was out like i'm crossing these people are coming up so it was just like a crowded corner and but not like that bad but it was kind of like you know excuse me you move this way i move that way and and then there's this homeless dude and homeless might be tough you know he's not one

of those guys like covered in soot but he's definitely he's more like mentally ill than anything yeah and i could see that like coming up so he was standing and i kind of walked by him and we like kind of were in each other's way but it wasn't like we didn't bump we didn't make contact it was just kind of like i you know turned this way and went around him and he just like kind of whipped around and just like put a knuckle like in my back like right at my vertebrae and it and it was like i i'm holding all this shit i got two drinks in my hand i got a mcdonald's bag on my on my wrist and i'm with people and i was just like ah and I was like the fuck man and he was just like mumbling

and like growling under his breath like clearly like on another fucking planet probably one of these like heroin addicts who are always around the corner from us but I was like I just got punched in the back I was getting a knuckle to the vertebrae did any part of you ever consider fighting not really no

I probably wouldn't either well i i at first i had a moment of like come on you pussy you can't just let people punch you in the back and not do anything about it but then i was also like realistically what's gonna happen like um what i should have done was thrown a drink at him i should i should have dunked a fucking and a large sprite i should have dunked that but then you're in a fight but then i'm in a fight yeah and i'm thinking like he's not just walking away after that no and i'm fighting like a probable like meth head yeah you know who can feel no pain any pain that fucking broken me could even inflict i don't know a part of the corner corner of eighth avenue which is like i think

you either end up dead or in jail for manslaughter absolutely someone's gonna get hit by for sure and like and i was thinking as as you know out of shape and not tough as I am, he was so out of it that I was like, I don't know. I could probably just walk up to this guy and elbow him in the face right now. But then what? And then he's going to just be like, I'm going to get fucking blood. You know what I mean? It was just like, and part of me was like, you're a pussy.

But then part of me was like, that was a mature thing to do, man. And I don't know. Mature doesn't fucking get you the prom queen. You know what I mean? But it was just like it's one of those things where it's like, well, fuck you, man. Because now, you know, I'm trying to think of something that happened recently where I was kind of like, you know, it's very rare that someone takes it to that point where you can pretty much talk shit and bank on the fact that nobody's really going to take it to a physical point. You know what I mean?

That's where I think a lot of like assholes get away with it where they're like, you know, when people are like, one day someone's going to fucking knock you out. It's like, probably not. Because just, you know, 99% of the world, 99.999% of the world goes through life not getting in any physical altercations. So no, I probably won't get knocked out. But this guy was like, I'm going to cross the line and punch him in the back and i was like oh you're just gonna get to do that to me then because i'm not gonna fucking fight a homeless

guy when i got i'm with people i got food in my hands and i'm gonna even if i win the fight i'm getting scraped up and beat up yeah but we're both going to jail you might you might win that fight and i end up losing it but you get whatever disease yeah that. That's what I mean. I don't want to touch him. I don't want to bum. If I can cut him, I don't want his bum blood on me. Yeah, you don't want that. And then there's cops right there. So it's like even if I win the fight or if I lose the fight or if I'm justified, we're doing paperwork.

We're going out of the station. It's a whole fucking thing. So long story short, if you're a bum and you want to punch me, you can probably get away with it. You can probably get away with it. I mean, if you punch me in the face we're fighting but this it was just like a knuckle to the vertebrae that made me go like that and it didn't feel good and i would prefer it to never happen again but it also wasn't enough for me to be like all right well you know as a man i need to like do something about this i'm just like well that sucks that happened did anyone you

were with call you a pussy no no it went like un went like unnoticed. Like, so I kind of was like, what the fuck? And then we keep walking and I was shaking my head and like nobody knew. And I was like, that guy just punched me in the back. And they were like, what? And I was like, that dude right there, he just punched me in the back. And they were like, are you okay? Do you need to like stop? I was like, no, I'm fine.

I just want people to know I just got punched in the back. Because it was so like, I mean, first of all, this city, man, it was like I was obviously, you know, I didn't come into the city basically at all, all break. And I come back in and I had to step over what probably was a dead body. You know, at what point do you go like I always assume they're sleeping, but they're probably dead sometimes. Oh, dude. You know, they're definitely dead.

Dude, I did it more often than not. Going to my apartment where I had to like like, boost myself up to get over him. Yeah. And I was like, this is ridiculous. So that happens. Then I see this dude, white guy, young, like, long hair, you know, would fit in, like, here. He definitely went out for a jog because he had, like, athletic clothes on, had, like, Beats headphones on, was sweating like a motherfucker, and was waiting at the corner for the light to change, but was, like, totally fucked up.

Was, like, wobbling. And in the bike lane, so these bikes are, like, zipping past him, and he's, like, and I was, like, you need to end your jog, dude. So I see the, I step over the dead body. There's this drunk, sweaty guy. The homeless guy punches me in the back. It was like it smelled like shit and piss. And I was just like, I can't be here anymore. God damn it.

But it was really the bum punch got me. The rest of it I can deal with. But the bum punch really put it over the top. The random assault in the street. That was the straw that broke the camel's back and but but what what do you think it would take for you to would you have would you have done something for me nah you can handle yourself better than me so if i were you i might have like caused maybe i would have done something but what what i think because the same thing you work i just don't think that's a big enough deal

yeah like it's not worth the it's not worth the paperwork or yeah i think it was like because like really kind of give me a little punch in the back whatever yeah which sucks yeah that you know you have to just you know if you're the smart like mature thing to do is let that slide but it sucks especially if it's someone who's the mentally ill person you're describing was like i'm like well i don't know what they're fucking pockets yeah i can stab me i can pull out a razor blade from under his tongue and kill me. Could be a fucking, could have a needle. Could have a bunch of buddies. Yeah, it could be an accident.

I get AIDS out of fucking. Imagine that. Or I get a heroin addiction because I accidentally get stabbed. Imagine that. You're in a scrap and all of a sudden you're like, whoa. This is the best fight I've ever been in, man. What do you think it would take for you to start a fight on the street corner at this age? It would take them

starting the fight. But alright, that dude threw a first punch. So a little rabbit punch to the back. I honestly think I probably would not fight a homeless person even if they punched you in the face. I don't think I would either. I was trying to figure out what would it take for me to have been like,

I'm going to roll around on the street with this fucking guy because I feel like I have to. If he started the fight and pursued the fight. Yeah, like kept coming after me. Yeah, so it would have to be like true self-defense. Yeah. Is there anything where it could have been like one shot and you can just keep walking away? Like if he caught you in the face, you got a bloody nose. But you're walking away and he's just content to leave it.

Like I just punched that guy one time. Would you just keep walking? I'd probably keep walking. I know. I know. And part of me felt like a fucking pussy for it. But part of me is like realistically, what do I get out of if I could beat up this meth head? If I could whip his ass, then what?

I don't know. I get a story for my podcast. Guess what? I got a story for the podcast anyway. I'm not the toughest guy, but I got material for the workday. I'm good. So, like, I mean, when you were younger, do you think you would fight back? I think a homeless person, I would probably always be like, walk away.

Isn't that funny? If we're in a bar, that's different. Yeah, like if one of my peers punched me in the back. If you were at a bar and just like a fucking Murray Hill bro, you were in a crowd at a bar, and he was just like, dude, fuck you. Pow. And just punched you in the back. I'd probably fight that guy. Yeah.

Isn't that funny? Yeah. Same amount of shit to lose, though. Like, you know, same amount of, like, shit's going to happen to you where it's like, I don't know. Both could get arrested. Both could break bones. I'm okay with those two things. I'm not okay with, like, someone having a knife or fucking, like. Yeah, a knife or yeah like yeah again like i don't want them to like spit on me like

yeah it's all homeless person it's a person who sleeps outside every single night i don't want to have it's really about the interaction with them it's really about the disgustingness yeah at all yeah which led me to my second thing the other the duality of man i'm either on the street getting mcdonald's getting punched by bums or i'm watching my children and i'm at the duality of man. I'm either on the street getting McDonald's, getting punched by bums, or I'm watching my children. And I'm at the park. One of my least favorite things as a dad is being at the park with other kids. I also – I, like, play with my kids. Whenever I see the other dads, all other dads go – and maybe it depends on if you're a single dad or you're married, whatever, because it depends on how much time you probably have with your kids.

But every dad I see at the park, they just sit on the bench and they're just buried on their phone while their kids like play it's like your kid could be fucking dead and they wouldn't even know it but i'm always like playing with them like running around the fucking jungle gym thing myself and so i i often i hate the awkwardness with other kids because it's like i can't play with you you're not my kid you know but i also she always likes to she's always like do you think that girl would play with me i want to i want to like be friends so i'm always like hey what's your name this is my daughter shea and i kind of like introduce them and i feel weird so this time a girl runs up to her and runs up to me it's like

hey can i play and i was like this is great like yes go so she introduces herself she's like oh can i go like yeah she goes come with me i gotta show you something and we're, this is great. Like, yes, go. So she introduces herself. Shay's like, oh, can I go? I'm like, yeah. She goes, come with me. I got to show you something. And this is back at my mom's house in the Bronx. And they run off and they go like into like this little, it's like there's a park with like stone, little cobble like path. But then you can like step over this little fence and you're in like probably four feet of woodedness. There's like bushes and trees and shit like probably four feet of woodedness.

There's like bushes and trees and shit. She just kind of goes into the bushes. And I was like, that's not the best. I don't want you in the fucking bushes in the park in the Bronx. Because again, fucking needles and bums and all that shit. And I hear them go like, oh my God, you got to see this. And they come out holding fucking mushrooms. Like big fat toadstools in their hands and i was like that is the worst goddamn thing you could have come out of why what are you talking about like a fucking gross bro fungusy mushroom i thought they were gonna come out with

dead animals yeah i think i would rather dude you know what's on fucking mushrooms, dude? What? All that weird fungus and shit. Dude, I play with mushrooms all the time as a kid. Look at me, I'm fine. I rest my case. Bro, those huge mushrooms were fun as shit. What did you do with them?

I just fucking broke them and stuff. I would hit them with a bat. Yeah, it'd be fun. I wouldn't touch them. Oh, I'd touch them all the time. Shit comes out, like, look. It's like, put that down! And the other girl's mom

was like, what are you? I get the impression that this girl does come out with like dead cats and shit because she was like, oh, fuck. She goes,

we gotta wash your hands again now. I don't want. Mushroom fungus all over the place? That can't be good for you. There's no way these are like highly poisonous mushrooms.

I'm not saying poisonous, I'm saying disgusting. These are, are you kidding? This is how you get, you get, you get like skin tags all over your skin. No way.

You're going to walk away with some sort of fucking skin disease. Not a skin tag on me. Hundreds of mushrooms touched in this lifetime. Thousands, perhaps. Those mushrooms just creep me out. They just like sprout up and they're all fucking... All fungus-y. Yeah.

And you want to touch that? You want that all over your skin? I got no problem with it. I got no problem. I don't care for mushrooms. I don't want to eat them, but I like to break them. You are a weird man. I like to kick them. I like to punch them. I like to swing them. I'm a

mushroom advocate. Pro mushroom. We are big mushrooms. Me and Jake could have a good time hanging out together. You know what? She would have come out with a dead cat, though. That girl was a couple years older than her. The importance of just like an older kid when you're a kid, they can get you to do anything.

I remember, you ever do the, like where you try to make somebody pass out? Just because a couple older guys wanted to do it, they were like, all right, do this thing, man. They take like 10 deep breaths and just cross your arms. They just squeeze me. They pick me up and squeeze me. I don't think I ever did this. So, yeah, it's like you bend over, touch your toes.

You're like, like deep, like hyperventilate, like deep breaths, right? And then I just go like this, and they go behind you, and they just squeeze you. So you can't breathe, I guess. And I just woke up on the pavement with a fucking knot on my head. I was like, what the hell? And they were just laughing at me. My friends in high school used to do that because they couldn't get beer they were like it fucks you up a little bit

it's like stop doing that you're cutting off the circulation to your fucking brain because I was you know in like fourth grade they were probably in like eighth grade or some shit they were fat kids who could like crush me and lift me up and I just had a big knot on my head. And they were like, awesome, right? I was like, not fucking really.

That was the moment. I could pinpoint the moment I wasn't down for frats and hazing and any of that shit. I was like, fuck you guys. I'm never talking to you assholes again. Make me pass out on the block for fun. Fuck you. They didn't let you down easy? No, I guess

not. I don't know. All I know is I just slumped over. They probably were like, I didn't think it was going to work. That and there was another time that I got tabletopped and I just landed on the concrete and just like smashed. I think I still got a scar somewhere from it. I was just, blood was just pouring out of my elbow. And I was like, awesome prank, guys. We were at recess.

It was like in the middle of school day. I was like, well, now I'm like pouring with blood. I was a recess. It was like in the middle of school day. I was like, well, now I'm like pouring with blood. I was a huge tabletopper. On the concrete? I'll tabletop you wherever. Thin ice? I'll tabletop you at your mom's house.

I'll tabletop you at your fucking dad's house. I'll tabletop you at your church. I'll tabletop you. If I'm around, someone's getting tabletopped. Tabletopped. Do not tabletop me. I just, I started a war. No, I mean, you would die. Yeah, tabletop me. I just started a war. No, you would die.

Yeah, you'll break bones. I started a war. If you go watch Answer the Internet, the very, very end of it, for a little Easter egg surprise. But I started a war just going with a cheap laugh for a YouTube end card that now I've got a bullseye on my back, and I highly regret it. But if retaliation comes in the form of a tabletop, I'm hitting you with a baseball bat.

Just know that I'm going to come in and be like, and I'm going to smash you and be like, gotcha! That's my prank. Speaking of pranks, we do have to talk about the funniest show on television right now. I think you should leave. We'll do a little Barstool DVR brought to you by Revitalite. Revitalite has partnered up with Barstool for the blue flavor. I think they call it blue raspberry or something.

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whatever. It's, uh, it's one of the best and most helpful drinks out there. So follow along on Twitter and social media at Drink Revitalite. You can tag and tweet, show pictures of it, and get yours at the Barstool store today. Go to store.barstoolsports.com. And for the rest of the summer, as you party, you're going to need it. I think you should leave Season 2. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life.

Were you that big on season one? I remember you telling me, like, I don't know how this happened because all I do in my life is watch TV. But I remember when that came out, it just, like, slipped through the cracks. Like, people were talking about Tim Robinson, and I was like, I don't know who that is. And then I think you started to show me a clip, and it must have been a skit with an old man.

And I thought he was the old man or something. And I was like, I don't know who this old guy is. It's Ruben Rabassa. Yeah. So, yeah, I haven't seen season one really, so I don't know who that is. But I thought he was the old guy. Is it him dressed up? Or is it just an old guy who's a part of it?

So I thought it was just like this old man comic. I was like, I don't know. That doesn't seem like it's for me. Now I realize it's just like, you know, he wrote, Tim Robinson wrote for SNL for like years. And he got two skits aired the whole time. That's insane. And that just shows you how fucking stupid SNL is. You got Shane Gillis and Tim Robinson putting out the funniest sketches on the internet.

And it's two guys that could have been at SNL that should be like head writers running. If SNL was trotting that out every week, it'd be the funniest fucking show on television. If you had Shane doing the racist football coach and Tim doing Carl Havoc on a regular Saturday night, you tuned into that? Holy shit, SNL would be incredible. Instead, they're firing these guys

or never putting them on the air. Carl Havoc is one of the funniest things I've ever seen, period. Not fucking doing it. I'm telling you I'm not. Taking the chin off. And then the pause is like, there's a band in here. And the guy going, okay, that works. That could be a bit.

I don't want to be here anymore. You don't want to live because the suit's too hot? Yes, I don't want to be here anymore. It's – There is – If you haven't seen – I think you should leave season two. I think it's like five episodes.

They're only like 15 to like 17 minutes each. You can rip through them. They're just skit after skit. It's the best skit show since like Chappelle's show, I think. It's one of those things like I was like Carl Havoc's the funniest thing of the season. And then I'm like, ah, Cough and Flop's pretty funny. Cough and Flop is so good. And then like –

The first episode is front to back 10 out of 10. And I don't know. I would love to talk to him. I tried. I'm putting out every fucking feeler I have on anybody do you know Tim Robbins

do you know his agent can we get him on the show somehow do you know we turned him down no before season 1 alright well that makes me feel better at least

so he didn't have anything really it was like I really remember it being like oh yeah we thought it was Tim Robbins yeah and then it was like Andy Samberg

was like producing the show and we were like oh I don't know we weren't doing many guests at the time either because it was Tim Robbins, right? Yeah. And then it was like, Andy Samberg was producing the show, and we were like, oh, I don't know. We weren't doing many guests at the time either because this was years ago. I think it was probably three. We were in the old office. I know that. Well, that's okay then because then we wouldn't even have had, I think, I think you should leave to talk about. I don't even know what you're talking about. But, man, I would love to get him back on and ask him, like, what was the intention to be like, let's put our three or four best skits on episode one to just come out of the gates gangbusters or did they not even like maybe they didn't think that

maybe they thought they spread them out nicely but i think everybody agrees that like season one episode one is just like a hot dog when he's like he's like i'm so tired i'm almost tired of everything you can't skip tired of everything. You can't skip lunch. He goes, oh, fuck. The way he's just eating. But that's where – I've said this before with – sometimes when guests are really, really funny, I get depressed. And I wasn't a guest on the show, but just watching that show made me depressed because I was like, that is funny that I can never attain like even if I if I stop doing everything right now and tried to write like some stand

up material I would never be good at it but I could probably get on stage and do like a set or whatever I could never come up with those ideas like and why is it you know if I came in and I was like guys I got an idea for a skit I'm gonna eat a hot dog out of my sleeve because the boss skipped lunch.

I think people would be like, shut the fuck up, man. What are you talking about? And he does it, and it's so fucking funny. It's – I mean, it's – Cough and flop. Like, what? How would someone have an idea? Like, all right, we're going to –

I didn't rig shit. They're telling me it's impossible that all these bodies would be falling out of coffins and one out of every five's nude. I don't know what to tell you, man. I didn't read shit. I didn't do shit. Like the way he delivers the lines and the script and like, yeah, we're going to have a cable company cutting a channel who airs a fucking show about dead bodies falling out

of coffins. Go. Gold. Run with it. It is such creative funny. I laughed harder with each flop to the point where I was just screaming. I don't think I was technically laughing anymore. The wood and the rolling and the family screaming.

I mean. It was just, yeah. It just evolved into me just yelling. It is so fucking good. I didn't rig it. I didn't do shit, man. It is so. And then Carl Havoc, like, see, the tone in the beginning when he's like, man, could you believe this guy?

Imagine this guy running up on you and all the makeup artists are just laughing. It's too hot. We've got too much shit. We've got too much shit. I'm telling you, I'm not doing it. Dude, it is. I love it. What's funny about that?

Because I took her tray? What does that do for the greater good? You said it was funny. I said it was interesting. Dude, the highest praise you can give a show like this is like, funny. I said it was interesting. Dude. The highest praise you can give a show like this is it just makes people sit here and yell lines at each other. Yes.

That's what this whole segment on the podcast is. If you haven't seen the show, just type in sucks. And if you've seen it, you're screaming. You're screaming your own lines at the wall. Like Will Ferrell movies back in the day. That's how we – Yeah, yeah. That's how we just hung out with each other.

We just said – Yeah, yell lines. We just said those quotes. I mean, if you – the first chance that I get to, like, organically yell, I didn't do shit! I didn't read shit, man! I mean, I will be screaming that as loud as I can. He is a – that, to me, is, like, genius. It's like knowing, knowing like this is weird

and quirky but it's gonna hit like it's gonna land like some of them are just funny but some of them are like there's such a fine line between that skit sucking and that skit being like hall of fame worthy and they they it's I mean the ghost the ghost tour yeah

these little fuckers are fucking fall out and say look at my fucking horse cock? Jizz. You can say, we're on the adult tour, so you can say whatever you want. Jizz. What? Jizz. Horse cock.

Like semen? Everybody's explaining it. He's like, we're either on the adult tour or we're not it He's like We're on the We're either on the Adult tour Or we're not He's like When he's like crying He's like

I'm not trying To ruin anyone's day But to any of these Little fuckers That were Popped by the Fucking wall And I have like

A big messy shit He's like No They don't He's like Okay I just had a question you answered it it's amazing i i want to talk to him just like i want to know like how how many skits are on the

cutting room floor how many like do you like i remember when when uh ben schwartz told us that they filmed four specials and like three of them made the cut yeah i was floored i thought that was like you had to do 90 of those to get that many funny material that much funny material so I want to know like how many skits don't make it or how do you like ah that because I could that could be 10 times as long as it was and I'd watch all of it

you know I think I went back and watch yeah no but I think I still have season one to watch yeah yeah yeah honestly the only reason I haven't is because I keep watching season two. I'm like, I got to see season one, but I got to see Carl again. And then I start watching Carl Havoc and it just keeps going. I don't want to be here anymore.

If I was a young man still committed to the game, there's a 100% chance I would be Carl Havoc for Halloween. Yeah. 100%. That mask. The chin kills. Yeah. 100%. That mask. The chin kills. Yeah, it's heavy, Dave. Said it was interesting. All right.

Top fives today. Top fives. We're doing top five words. Words. Just straight up fucking words, which is perfect for the ghost tour because jizz and horse cock and all those that he was throwing out were pretty funny. So we're going to go with top five words, your favorite words, the meaning, the sound, whatever you want. And I'm going first because I'm drafting fuck. I knew it.

I mean, that was obviously going to be, you know, that was I just as host. I just stole first pick. I'm taking fuck because it's just the single most important word in the world. I was actually listening to Stefano and Sal Vulcano. I was listening to Hey Babe yesterday. Everybody should go listen to their latest episode. Chris tells the story of doing stand-up for Steve Cohen. You know how you got that private gig to do stand-up for the Mets owner?

It is so fucking funny. So Steve Cohen, I don't want to tell the whole story, so you should go listen to Chris. But just to give you the setup. Chris has a Puerto Rican wife and a half Puerto Rican daughter. And Steve Cohen's wife is Puerto Rican. And so a lot of the Hispanic humor she really likes. So her and Steve Cohen's daughters, I believe, were the ones who found him.

So Alex, Steve Cohen's wife, organized this whole thing. So he's like, great, I'll show up to this family event and I'll do these Puerto Rican jokes. The wife will be happy. Steve will be happy because his wife's happy. He shows up and it's not a family event. It's guys night out. It's 10 guys at a steakhouse.

And the last thing they want to do is stop the party for this fucking comic they don't know. So they're eating steaks and drinking wine and just busting balls and doing what rich guys do. It was Steve Cohen stuff. So he was going to do a set there or he was hanging out with them? No, he was going to do a set.

Okay. So Tommy Mottola, I think these other ballers, he was booked to do 45 minutes. Steve stops him after one joke. He goes, what's the deal here how long they tell you to do he goes 45 he goes i'll double the pay do 10 and get the fuck out of here but not in like a mean way just like yeah hey listen listen guy you know so and he said he and chris had told me this because uh i meant to like try to help him give him some like mets material to help him out it sounds like there was no saving this uh so he

got back to me he was like dude i bombed and i was like you know what i've gotten to know enough comics now you all say that and you didn't bomb you know and then i listened to stories like oh he bombed they threw a crab cake at him at one point what and let me i i will just you should go listen to it hear it in chris's voice and in his words and Sal laughing at him. It's even funnier. But the one bit I will tell you, he – so Tommy Mottola is there. Tommy Mottola is a huge record exec, was Mariah Carey's husband when Mariah was like super young and first coming up. First off, Steve goes like, this is Tommy Mottola.

And Chris goes, oh, I had your phone when I was a kid. And he goes, that's Motorola, you asshole. And then he's like, oh, you used to be married to Mariah. And he goes, I used to love Mariah Carey back when I was a kid. Which is a weird thing. I got to talk to Chris. That's his ex-wife. Clearly probably not on good terms.

It's a weird thing to do. And he goes, oh, yeah, well, you must have loved cock when you were a kid too. And he said that was the biggest laugh of the night. Everybody was laughing at him. Oh, yeah, you liked Mariah Carey when you were a kid too and he said that was the biggest laugh of the night everybody was laughing at him oh yeah you like mariah carey when you were a kid i bet you like i can't think of anything worse than sitting before like 10 million and billionaires on their like steak guys night out you know and be like hi i'm here to tell jokes and get the fuck out of here loser uh but yeah go so go listen to that. But the reason why I even brought this up, and I don't remember what it was.

It was about fuck? Fuck. As I was listening, totally really unconnected. But on Hey Babe, they blur out curses because they're trying to make money. And YouTube doesn't demonetize them. And Sal Locano is executive producer at TruTV. He has Impractical Jokers. Like, super smart businessman, funny comedian, makes a fuck ton of money.

And I'm sure they were like, let's just, like, not swear. And when we do, blurt out for the benefit of, like, monetizing it and YouTube and all that shit. And I thought to myself for a minute, I was like, maybe we should just do that. Because it's not like I hear it and I'm like, that's lame or that ruined the flow. They just turn the mic down and bring it back up. And you know what they're saying, so it doesn't lose any context.

And then I was like, nah, man. Good for you guys. Keep doing it. It's probably smart. But I gotta be able to fucking say fuck when I need to say fuck. I need to be able to say fuck if I'm fucking fuck. I need to be able to say fuck if I'm fucking you. I need to be saying fuck if I'm fucking you. I need to be able to say fuck if it's happy, if it's sad, if it's good, if it's bad.

It's fuck. It's the most versatile word in the fucking English language, and I can't live without it. It is. It's great. It's a great word. What's your favorite version of fuck? Like, fuck when you're saying sex, fuck when you're saying fuck you, fuck when you're angry, like an anger. Like a fuck.

Fuck. Like a pain anger? Like a, I stubbed my toe you're angry, like an anger, fuck, like a pain anger, like I stubbed my toe, fuck, or like a, I made a bad drunk decision, fuck, pain,

yeah, yeah, yeah, pain, I think, I think a good like, I've made an irreparable decision, like,

like a drunk injury, where it's like, I just want to rewind time, and undo this, my dumb drunk self, just, fuck, but a good, good fuck, I just want to rewind time and undo this. My dumb drunk self. Fuck! But a good fuck. I need it, man. I need it. Alright, next pick.

Tribunal. Whoa. Whoa. Use it in a sentence for me. I'm saying tribunal for you. So you just like the way it sounds. I mean, I know what a tribunal is It's a fucking A court

It's a Yeah I would say like Stand before the tribunal Yeah I feel like in the Hunger Games They must stand before the tribunal I would say in Star Wars Yeah it's very like

Very like dystopian Like Yeah You know Yeah Tribunal So yeah tribunal I just like it

It's just It's a good word Um Razzmatazz Ooh Razzmatazz. Ooh. Razzmatazz. And all that jazz.

Yeah, just the – I mean, I don't really say it very often. Yeah, well, my favorite words I don't say. Well, that's the thing. I got a couple here that I use. Some of the words are – I'm going to just give you normal words that I just, like, use a lot. But razzmatazz. Razzmatazz, okay. Anytime you can get four Zs in a word, that's pretty fucking cool. You put out a razzmatazz in Scrabble

You're winning the game, okay brother Couldn't even do it, there's only like one Z on the fucking board You can't even spell razzmatazz On fucking Scrabble Alright I will go with number two Cock Hmm

Fitting I don't think anyone's surprised. Now, you're saying cock? Not cocksucker, just cock. Yeah, you fucking cock. Because I was thinking about throwing cocksucker out there. Yeah? I think cocksucker is a great curve.

You know what? My number three pick is cocksucker. Is there a different word from cock? But I think, do you like cock? See, I think, you know, cock can be – cock is an effective word if used the right way. I think you're talking about using it sexually. I am. Whereas I'm talking about like he's a fucking cock.

Yeah, he's a cock. Like an insult, like an exasperated, like fuck this guy. I think if a girl drops a cock, you know she means business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's filthy. Like, if you're doing dirty talk and you say cock, I'm probably going to tell you to slow down. Ease up. Like, if you're dropping cock in dirty talk, you're probably about to be disappointed.

You are expecting something I probably can't deliver. If you tell me I want your dick, fine. You've had entirely different sexual experiences in your life than I have. Exactly that. I want your cock. No, you want your dick, fine. You've had entirely different sexual experiences in your life than I have. Exactly that. I want your cock. No, you want someone else's cock. I have a dick. I don't have a cock, okay?

I give you a penis. I'll give you a dick. That guy on the corner, he can give you a penis. Give you a wee-wee. I'll give you a wiener. Go back to your ex-boyfriend for the cock, okay? But cocksucker, I think, is a – it's like I actually throw around cocksucker too often. And that should be reserved for, I think, like when you mean it.

I'll throw it out like – look at this cocksucker. And it's a very offensive term. But I'll throw it out there like it's nothing. But cock, the root of that, you know, cock, it's an important one. Yeah. It's an important word. Okay. My number three now is going to be.

I'm trying to think of words you say. Like, you don't say wicked. You don't have anything like the Boston slang, really. You don't have any, like, words that you really like. Okay, I got it. My number four, no, three is tit. Tit. I call people fucking tits all the time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a big son of a tit. Yeah. Fucking tit. I don't know why I say tit. That's almost more of your, your, your fuck,

like what was the word you said when you hurt? Fuck, yeah. When you like stub your toe or something, you'll be like, ah, tit. Yeah.

Fucking tit. Don't, you almost have a Tourette's tit. I do have a goodrette's tit. Tit! Sometimes I don't even know if you're saying tit or if it's just your body. Tit! Just a reflex. A noise on me. Fucking tit! Yeah, it's just a

T. That's a very Fidelberg-esque one there. This is a word that I do I just love the sound of it, but I have also probably used this word more than any word. I'll have an honorable. I have two more, but I need three more. But preposterous.

Oh, yes. I have used preposterous on that blog and on Twitter and in this podcast so many times that I almost think I've, like, normalized it. Preposterous is a word that doesn't – shouldn't get thrown around often, but I throw around so often I think people are like used to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it should be for special occasions, but everything's preposterous to me. Anything that's just slightly out, I mean, if you don't know by now, I like to obviously exaggerate, so if anything's even slightly weird, that's preposterous. Anything happens in sports that's funny, that's preposterous.

Anything is preposterous. It's a great fucking word. Okay. Number four for me is going to be shenanigans. Oh! That just knocked me the fuck over. That was a great pick. Shenanigans. Oh, and I got my fifth too.

I'm good. Fuck, that's the pick of the draft so far. Shenanigans. Shenanigans almost got kind of ruined for a little bit because of Super Troopers. That's right. But now I can't deal with these fucking Shenanigans anymore. Shenanigans. Shenanigans is a great one.

It's trying to make me think of some other... Like, my last pick, I have a word... My last two from my honorable mention two would be... I have a word that I just like the sound and the spelling, and then I have another word that it's just like I use it an obscene amount of times. Absurd would be up there with preposterous, too. I always say absurd a lot. But I'm trying to think of a shenanigans, but it's just not going to

come to me. I'll go with my kind of my SAT word, my Scrabble word, quixotic. What is this one? Quixotic. What's that? It's like, it's referencing Don Quixote. Oh! So I think when something's quixotic it's like Don Quixote

which means it's... I thought that was quixotic. I mean, you it's quixotic you clearly know more than me in this one I think so but I might be mixing them up too

I know quixotic is a word is it what does that mean Nick can you google it quixotic I feel like it's like I want to say like puzzling

or something like that exceedingly idealistic okay so that is that comes from Don Quixote so yeah I don't give a fuck I just like the way it looks. Again, you get a Q and an X in there.

X is the best letter. We can agree on that. X is the best letter. No, I disagree with that. I think G is. What is good about G? I don't know. I like to make Gs.

You like to write them? Yeah. How do you write them? What do you do that's so special with a G that you like them so much? You still make him weird cues? It's a dramatic G. It's a dramatic G, yeah, but... The fact that you really do two separate things is pretty obnoxious. Like most of us just...

Ew, that's your G? No, no, wait. Wait, I actually... Oh, no. No, that's not my G because now that I'm making fun of you, I think I do two things too. No, what? Give me a word that starts – give me a word that – George.

No, no, I need a G in the middle. No, I guess I don't. Fine. Oh, no, because I'm going to do a lowercase. I guess I – I guess – no, so I do what you do, but I keep the pen on the page. The fact that you go like that is ridiculous. I mean, that looks like Cristiano Ronaldo's. Those are a little more.

Do you take the pen off the page? Yeah. Yeah, that's ridiculous. That's absurd. The X is the superior letter. Nah, X is stupid. X. Scott.

X. X rated. Sex. X. It can be a thing. I X it out. It can be a letter. Sometimes it's a Z. Xylophone. X.

X is the best letter. We'll do top five letters next week. Okay. My number five is hullabaloo. See, that's a good shenanigans-esque word. A lot of those onomatopoeia. I are onomatopoeia. I think onomatopoeia words are great, but they're not as good as the word onomatopoeia.

Oh, do you know what I learned the other day? This can't be true. It can't be true. I saw a meme, or I think it was just a Reddit thing or something like that, where it said the fear of palindromes. There is such a thing, I guess. Yeah, the words that can be spelled backwards and backwards, race car?

Yeah. Like afraid of them? The fear of palindromes, the word that describes that is a palindrome. No way. Allophobia or whatever? Yeah. That's insane.

That is awesome. No, I mean, that's done on purpose, right? Absolutely. Like, whoever came up with that was like, let's fuck with these losers. I am going to create an absolute nightmare for about ten people. I'm telling you right now, I'm telling you right now, if you are, if you have a fear of palindromes, you are the biggest asshole on the planet. I don't respect you as a person. I certainly don't respect your phobia. Like, if someone tells me they're afraid of heights, I'm not going to, like, push them off a fucking building, okay?

If you tell me you're afraid of palindromes, I'm just selling race car, race car, race car. I'm yelling all the fucking palindromes I can think of right in your fucking stupid, dramatic face. My sister's name's a palindrome. That'd be real tough to have a fear of palindromes and have your name be a palindrome. What does that mean? A fear of palindromes? I don't know. Like you see them on the paper, or like you can't

write them. You're like, R-A-C-E-C. Ah! I can't do it! I can't write race car! Fucking jerk-offs. Wait, the one at the top is a palindrome, right? Yeah. Aliphobo- Yeah. Is it a palindrome?

Yeah. Abophobia. AI? Yeah, that's an AI. That's 100% on purpose. I love it. I love whoever came up with that word. Shout out to Shakespeare.

The word that I use an exceedingly large amount of times, but I think it goes under the radar because it's just a normal word. If you search the blog, if you search my blogs or my Twitter handle and the word absolutely, it's probably insane. It's absolutely preposterous.

Absolutely, absurdly preposterous. But for my – that was going to be my honorable mention, but I think my honorable mention would be anti-disestablishmentarianism. Everybody knows that one, the longest word in the English language, and people tried to – in, like, fourth grade, I remember trying to – I was like, I'm going to learn how to spell this, and I'm going to know it. Anti-disestablishmentarianism. What a word that is on your list of best words anybody who's ever stupid fucking anybody who's ever used that word has anybody ever used that word other than saying what's the longest word like if you're if there's ever been someone writing in the new york times being like and you know in this case of anti-disestablishmentarianism, we saw, like, you actually used anti-disestablishmentarianism? No, you fucking didn't. No.

You asshole. All right. Voicemails and then chiclets. Let's do it. Voicemails are brought to you by Moneyline. Let me talk to you about Moneyline. It's a badass financial app. There's over 7.5 million users on it,

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I got an interesting hypothetical that came up at lunch the other day. If we lived in a world where you can buy other people's brains and transplant them, how much do you think your brain would go for? You've got to account for everything, talking smarts, comedy, but you've also got to look for the other stuff too, mental illness, depression, all that. Viva. I think my 24-year-old brain would be pretty highly coveted, and then I think my 34-year-old brain would be pretty highly coveted, and then I think my 34-year-old brain, no thanks. I think I have an exceptionally valuable brain.

Wow. Like top 1%. Really? Yep. What makes your dumb ass say that? Because I think if you could have a day with my brain i think everyone on the planet would want to give it a try it's well that's that's the thing you want to take it for a spin you don't want to buy the car yeah oh yeah no well like i everyone like

like almost like going on like a fucking roller coaster like everyone's like i gotta i gotta just see what that what a day is like the day in the life is like yeah i would have a absolutely very, very solid brain. Your brain would be like, I'll lease it, but I don't want to buy it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to have it for 36,000 miles, but I got to get it back. Eventually, I got to get that back to the dealer. It's like when you go to a beach town and people have those little cruisers that you rent for the day. And you can just leave it on the corner when you're done.

That's what you do with my brain. Just fucking. Your brain, if you could combine brains, that would be the real value. If I could take your brain for a spin, get some of your ideas and see how things work, and then come back to my brain but keep some of your brain with me, that would be good. Yeah. Because you've got ideas coming out of your fucking eyeballs. There's a good amount of good in this brain.

There's a lot of bad in it. But it's always fun. Every day is interesting. I can tell you. Wouldn't that be so cool to watch? I would love – like sometimes I've had so many surgeries and shit like that, and sometimes I'm like, ah, my fucking back hurts. Did a bum punch me or what?

No, I'm like, is that a normal amount of pain? Am I being a baby? Or is this something that if other people felt it they would be like oh my god take me to the er you can't really tell you never know you know what i mean so i'm sometimes like i would love to feel what other people feel just to know like what the baseline is you know i would love i feel like if men and women could like feel each other's feeling you know like live in each other's bodies for a day i think like relationships would be uh dr drew was saying he went he was on uh i

might have said this already on the podcast but dr drew was on i think with with tom segura and burton them and was saying that the thing he hears most about um transgender men women turning into men when they get their testosterone like treatment booster whatever they like go apologize to the men in their life they're like oh my god i I'm so sorry. Why? Because they feel the testosterone and they're like, oh, I fucking understand it now. Yeah, yeah. You got this dick, you want to fuck this, your brain, whatever. I actually don't even know what it is.

That's what I'm assuming it is, but the difference between the two and it's like you get to walk a mile in their shoes all of a sudden and you're like, oh, I understand why you're being an asshole. It is absolute fucking hell. Torture! I don't want to do the things I want to do. And he was joking, saying, and the time that, you know, God or whoever decided to give it to you is when you're, like, 13.

When you have no capability of handling it, that's when you get your fucking booster shot. But, you know, yeah, you could, like, feel them, you know, emotionally, mentally, sexually, socially, whatever. You know, sexually, socially, whatever, it would change everything. So if you could get in your brain, learn some of this, come back and take the good parts of your brain and the good parts of my brain and all that shit, that would be the real value of it all. That would be pretty heavily sought after. Would you switch brains with Elon Musk right now? No. Yeah, I don't think I would either. Not interested.

And it's like, yeah, maybe he has $250 billion and maybe he's going to space and all that shit, but I bet you otherwise it's a hellhole up in there. Also, I wouldn't be able to do anything with it.

Like, what? If I switch brains, I guess if I have his brain, then I can't understand things, right? Yeah, you see the matrix. You're like, I have all this information and I know how to build

a company around it. No, I'd be interested in switching brains with that homeless guy who punched you. Yeah, just to see what's up. Just to see what that's like. I wouldn't have any interest

in trying to be a famous person's brain. I want to trade brains with the most ignorant person in the world. And I don't mean that like you're ignorant about racism.

I mean that as like you have no aspirations. You're simpleton but you're happy about that you know i would love that take take the whatever little portion of my brain that controls ambition and all that shit take it out take it out of my brain i don't want any of that man you know what is interesting i said i found this uh on this on TikTok, so maybe it's true, maybe it's not. But the reason why foot fetishes are so common on your brain, you know, you got all those wrinkles. And there's the wrinkle and then there's the space in between the wrinkles. Those are, I don't know, those are two things.

And along those wrinkles and in those spaces in between are like nerves and nerve endings and the things that kind of send messages all over your body, all that shit. And in the portion of your brain that controls pleasure, along one of those wrinkles is like your dick and your balls and your clit and your vagina, like all your genitals. And then like the next thing is your foot. It's just like your feet are close to your genitals in your pleasure part of your brain. So you're just kind of getting your wires crossed. So there's like a physical reason why you might be into feet.

It's not just like, ah, those turn me on. It's like, ah, I'm thinking about my dick, but my feet, you know, my toes are getting me mixed up with my dick and balls. It's like there's a reason for it, which is actually I would take solace in that If I was a foot guy Because I feel like If I had a foot fetish I'd be a little bit like Fuck I'm a foot weirdo

You know Actually of all the fetishes It's like the least It is the It is One of my favorite memes I ever saw once Was like

It's like a Pokemon meme And it's like It's like six different Pokemon Like holding guns up at Ash And he's got his hands up And you're like What did I You can tell What did I do Yeah And it's like six different Pokemon holding guns up at Ash. And he's got his hands up. And you're like, what? You can tell, like, what did I do?

Yeah. And it's like, ass guys, boob guys, leg guys, tick guys. All good. And it's like, foot guys. What the fuck? Yeah. If anything, it's like the least, you know, it's the most harmless. It's like, I just like those Tootsies, man.

No big deal. I almost don't think, I almost think I don't like it because it's cliche. I wouldn't want to be, like, lump be lumped in. I'm a foot guy. I'd rather be a weird fetish guy. I'd rather be like, I got a latex milk fetish or some shit. I don't know. You got a foot fetish? Whatever, dude. I want the real deal.

A milking fetish? Yeah. I'd rather that than just a foot guy. A dime a dozen. But imagine that. It's just like, yeah, my wires got crossed. I can't help it. When I see feet, it makes me think of sex. I don't know. It's fucked up.

I want to fuck them. Yeah. I feel like... Do you have any fetishes? Do I have any fetishes? Yeah. I don't think so. I like everything.

My fetish is everything. I don't think I have... I just don't know what qualifies as a fetish. I don't know. Like, I'm an ass guy. How much do you have to like ass to be a fetish? You probably have a butthole fetish. Probably.

But don't we all? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Don't we all? Who doesn't have a butthole fetish? You know, like, if you don't have a butthole fetish, grow up. You know? Like, that's, we all have that. That's just called, like, being horny.

Yeah. Honestly, that's all. But I don't know but i don't know maybe maybe no maybe we do you know that's why i want to take a spin in other people's brains yeah like when i when when we put out a segment about sex i i tweet about like a hot chick or say something about sex inevitably you're getting bonked people are going crazy on the internet with the horny bonks i dare i say it's jump the shark along with rent free and all those other things. You say anything about the opposite sex and someone's bonking you. It's crazy. Yeah. I like a good bonk.

But it's funny. It's fun. But there are people who are like – I think I can talk about sex the same way I can talk about sports. It's just like a thing. But there are people out there who are like, it's too too much sex for me like i want to get inside your brain and be like what what this makes you uncomfortable yeah are you offended or do you do you just not like the topic like what do you mean it's just like any other topic it's like talk about the weather talk about sports talk about politics talk about fucking it's just all the same but

there are people who are like uh it's too much sex like what's going on in your loser brain that that's a big deal to you yeah i'd like to like to hear. He said cock. Can't listen to this. Yeah, right. But I almost want to. That I might understand. Now that we're explaining it, it makes sense. That I get. Anyway, who do you think would be the most coveted brain?

Me. In the world. John Feilberg. You might be the most underrated brain. I think. Great value pick. Yeah. But you're. You might be the most underrated brain. I think. Great value pick. Yeah. But you're not going to be the number one pick.

I think the number one pick. I think the one thing I've seen translate throughout all generations is usually comedy. And I think. So I think it would be Chappelle. Do you think it would be the most valued brain? I don't think so. I don't think the most valued. I think the most.

Like if it was a draft. Like, if you gave everyone a list, like, put down, like, the brain you want to be inside of or see, going to take a spin. The most, I think, young, old, black, white, this, rich, poor, all that, like, comedy. And specifically, Chappelle transcends all of that. Everybody from all those different groups and demos like it. I think Chappelle is definitely an interesting one. And to see, like, the top comedy brain, I think, is, like, has a lot of that. Everybody from all those different groups and demos like it. I think Chappelle is definitely an interesting one. And just seems like the top comedy brain, I think, has a lot of value. But I don't think that he would be the number one pick.

I think he's a good pick, and I think he might be my number one pick, but if it's the average in the world, what the market decides is the most valuable. But you know why I think Chappelle is the smartest? You're not going to just pick the smartest guy. I don't know, some fucking scientist at the Smithsonian Department or whatever. But that's not like cool or fun or whatever. But I think people know Chappelle has like a brilliant brain that he uses in a cool and funny way.

I think that's the appeal of it. Because like I could – all right, I could jump into your brain and you're a Pulitzer Prize winner. But I don't even know the fuck, you know. But I guess you do because I'm in your brain. And I guess I like it because I'm in your brain. It's almost like I need somebody else's brain while still maintaining my likes and interests.

Because it's like I love comedy and if I can now see how he does it all, that's why I would pick it. Who do you think the number one pick would be? I don't fucking know. Honestly, it's probably Musk. It'd probably be probably Musk. Yeah. Probably Elon Musk.

But I have no interest in that. But if like – You know what a real – Or Bezos or fucking – One of the billionaires. Yeah. I think what I would like to do is not just have somebody's brain. I would like to be in their brain for a specific moment.

Like I would love to be in bezos's brain knowing that you're the richest man in the world at the time when you're like a fair and your sex and all that shit leads i would not want to be in that because i want to know if he like maybe he was just like i don't care or maybe he was freaking out the same way i was freaking out and i can be mad me and the billionaire jeff bezos were like on the same fucking level for that moment. Or if it's just something, you know, I just, I want to be like in a moment where it's like, all right, I know how I would react. Let me see how this guy would react and see if it's like totally fucking different just to be like, oh, this is how the rich people handle that. Or this is how the smart people did not care at all. Yeah. Yeah. Like truly

like indifferent, whatever, man, whatever, man. All right, last voicemail before we got chicklets. Let's do it. What's up, guys? Got a basic would you rather question for you guys. Would you rather only run everywhere for the rest of your life, meaning that you can never walk anywhere ever again, even to the bathrooms down the hall, or would you rather every time you have to talk,

you have to scream at the top of your lungs? This is a great question. This is a great question. Peace. Equally, not equally, but both socially awkward. But you can't be screaming. I think you've got to take a run, too. You can't.

I mean, you're at the bar. You're at the restaurant. You're sitting down. You're like, hang on, guys. I've got've got to take a run, too. Like – You can't. I mean, you're at the bar. You're at the restaurant. You're sitting down. You're like, hang on, guys. I've got to piss. I'll be right back. Full speed ahead. You look like an asshole, right?

But you know what's worse than that? I'll be right back, guys. I've got to pee. Like you just can't be doing that. You can't be doing that. I didn't do shit. I didn't read shit. I think – You can't. You're at a funeral. As shit. I didn't read shit. I think –

You can't. You're at a funeral. As always, you've got to play this game out. You're at a funeral. So what if I'm in a line? That prohibits me from – so I'm thinking of getting communion at a funeral. Would you get communion at funerals? No.

No, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do. I would say – let's say the rule is like you – yeah, you wait like an extra beat until there's like a free throw lane worth of space. Then you sprint like 15 feet. Even in lines, you got to sprint.

And you're right. And those all would be – yeah, so in that instance, I can go into a funeral and I can just be quiet for an hour and not say anything. You know? Yeah, you can't do the church whisper. Imagine that. You're next! You can't do the church whisper imagine that you're next you know you can't do it but if yes you can be quiet but you have to move so in the in the in that sense you are the asshole running around the funeral but running up a communion line yeah so fun i don't know how we got on I'm trying to just think of the worst

scenarios for both things. Why is it just walking? Like just like walking to work. I guess I just take Ubers now

because I'm not running to work every day. That's not happening. Well you know you get in shape I don't know.

I'm not worried about that. I'm more worried about like the weirdness like the times where you're just like like you can't walk with that sex would be well but you're not you're screaming this feels so good you're so tight yeah that would be tough i'm thinking about though like you couldn't go anywhere with anybody ever again hey like hey let's go out to lunch like i'll you

know catch up in 15 minutes. And for some reason, I'm picturing you're very fast. If I were to run everywhere, you could probably just keep up with me with a brisk walk. But I'm picturing I'm like the Flash all of a sudden. I'll get to the restaurant. I'll get our table. I'll see you in 30.

That is true. You never travel anywhere. But you can't take Ubers. Yeah, so it's just funny. You get out of the Uber can't go anywhere with anybody. But you can't take Ubers. Yeah, so, yeah. But even, you know, it's just funny. Like, you get out of the Uber, you just run to the door. But I ultimately think there's just more work situations, date, romantic situations, social situations, where you're just like, we can't bring the screaming guy around.

Right. You can't go to the movie. Again, but you can always choose not to talk. Right. It might suck, but it's like, I'm going to go to the bar, and I'm going to fucking, like, laugh, and I'll sign i'll sign at you you know yeah but i won't actually have any conversations you can never tell a story ever again i come on yeah you can't or i mean you your your life would have to be like on facetime and i just will turn the volume down you know yeah i i i boy this is

tough this is a good one it's it's it's, it is. You have to run. You have to run. Yeah. You can't. And there probably will be some really bad times, but, but the, the, the, the worst for each situation, yelling is worse than running. Way, way, way worse. And that's the real problem.

Way worse. Again, even just like at work, you'll like, you'll lose your job. You know, you can't be the guy screaming in the office. You can't be the guy screaming at customers. You can't, you can't do it. It can be the weirdo who runs places. My dad, when he went to SUNY Maritime, the rule when you're an underclassman is you have to run everywhere. You can't walk.

Really? You have to run to class. You have to run to your dorms. Running with a backpack fucking sucks, too. Yeah, I mean, they were not fucking around. But everywhere, everywhere is a whole different ballgame. So what we're going to do, so the ATI app, Answer the Internet, we revamped and relaunched the whole app.

There's now nine decks of cards you can pick, and we're going to release a new deck soon using voicemail questions that we can cycle in and out. So if you had the ATI deck, ATI app, and you've gone through all the decks, we're going to be cycling new questions in, so you can go on the app. I'll get this one in there tomorrow. Right, so on your app, you can be playing with your friends, and we'll have the

chicken chimpanzee question. You'll have the running and yelling questions. So almost every week now we'll have new questions cycling in, and you don't have to buy them every single time, right? You can just keep doing some of the new ones. Oh, yeah.

If it's in the best of, it will just keep cycling. So anytime there's a new deck, you buy that. But within those decks, when we cycle in the best of and the voicemails, you'll just get new questions. So it's a fully functioning. When we first released it, it was like three decks. And you go through it, and that was it. Now we have it fully operating where it's always got new questions and always got new decks coming out. So download it for free. There's some questions for free

and then you buy the rest of them. But as I said, we'll keep updating them with your voicemails and the best questions we come across. So download the app now. It's also got all of the videos from your favorite contestants for our favorite guests.

So you can watch the videos on there and play along with your friends. It's the best app to have for the bar, the pregame, the ice breaker, you're at a wedding, you're at a bachelor party, you're wherever it is, you gotta break the ice or start up some conversation, you're on a date,

whatever it may be. It's the best app to have in the holster ready to go. So download the AT app today. It's in the holster ready to go. So download the AT app today. It's in the, uh, it's in the Google play store as well as the app store. So you can get it on Apple and Android answer the internet checklist time. One of our best interviews with,

uh, one of the best podcasts in the world right now. It's biz wit and rear admiral. It's brought to you by three cheat. Very apropos. Yeah. We handed some out actually. They all came in.

They were like, what's the deal with this three G Whitney just popped an edible an edible like no problem like whatever man uh so uh chiclets are down with it we are absolutely down with it i mean 3g has been the most like important like revelation of my life really in recent years high praise it really is though because it's like you know yeah i used to be able to get weed here and there but it was always like you have to know a guy you have to get it and now it's just like I just order it when I need it. It shows up like any other product in my life. We have tons of it laying around the office.

I don't even have to go over it anymore. But I also like their brownies. I like their cookies. I like their Rice Krispie treats. I like the way their vape pens hit. It's real smooth. I like the way their gummies take effect pretty quickly. It's the most important thing in my life right now.

So you can go to 3chi.com. That's the number 3chi.com. Use promo code KFC2021. Get 5% off your order. It's got the Delta 8 THC, which means, and I'll be honest, at one point, I thought it was kind of bullshit. 3chi was like, it's all the good and none of the bad.

And any time you hear that, it's like, come on, bro. This is bullshit. But if I take edibles like regular weed weed i am like hung over the next day where i'm like i am groggy and foggy and if you take the right amount of three chi it puts you to sleep it gives you some good vibes good feels and then the next day like you're good to go so it takes uh the extract from your thc instead of delta nine 9, you do the Delta 8. And it really does have all the good with none of the bad, whether you're looking to sleep, whether you've got anxiety, chronic pain, whether you're just looking to get high and enjoy a movie and enjoy the night. It gets a great buzz and has great products, all legal, not free, sorry. But it's all legal, all safe, and you can order it right off their website.

So go to 3chi.com promo code kfc2021 get 5% off your order must be 21 or older to enjoy let's talk to the chicklets gang on kfc radio first time i was just gonna say that we're rolling right jack yeah yeah first appearance you motherfuckers really you guys have been hiding? Well I appeared a long time Well before Chicklets Yeah You guys You've been on But never like the full Chicklets gang

No Not since you guys Have taken over the fucking world When did you go on? Back when you used to do What was the YouTube thing Years ago

Yeah Like when KFC Radio Was like the only podcast out I would just have everybody on In our show The first YouTube show We talked about it recently actually It was

Our advertising Was we We sold our advertising for a thousand dollars for the full month. And it was every episode. They got like three drops. It was the full present. And it was one. It was one company.

It was Streaker Sports. It's like a like I think in Massachusetts, it's like shorts company. Yeah. They sell like lacrosse type shorts. Yeah. They're like publicly traded now because of you guys. There's none of that. Slinging your own sales. your own sales yeah i was like all right i'll take a thousand dollars we like a thousand bucks yeah it was like it was like 250 bucks for each of us and

then like two and a half each of us like i saw a fucking dime you know dave you absolutely got 800 you got 100 each you absolutely did no we split that money up did we because we bought we bought like a microphone and then everyone got like 200 bucks Yeah It was like alright We got advertising We're on our way man Was that like 2015

Or way before that No that was 2012 Oh shit Years before Chicklets Yeah That was great It was a podcast Yeah

Well it was on YouTube But it was a pod Yeah it was like a little bit Yo Now that everyone wants YouTube It's driving me crazy Cause I we were on YouTube in 2012. And then you moved away. And then they said you have to focus on the audio, and I was like, okay.

And now they're like, how come your YouTube numbers aren't big? I was like, ah! I would have had like a decade worth of YouTube growth if you just let me do my thing. I know. So it was a little bit video. Somebody forced you out. Forget about it. Find the next big thing.

I thought it was your choice. Yeah. No, no, no. It was – We were late to the YouTube game too. We are. The whole company was late. You could be boxing one of the Paul brothers. I was going to say, man, YouTube's where it's at now, and we missed that whole wave.

You could be fighting Evander Holyfield right now. When are you guys going to box? You guys should start fighting. I've told Biz. Biz, you'll fight and you'll win. I'm more Mickey than Rocky. And White Sox Dave are going to be going at it. No, dude, you were right.

His name is not a draw. He's an absolute midget. Why don't you fight Jake Paul? Oh, I don't think he would fight a peasant. He's a big name. He would say the same thing to me as I said to White Sox Dave. You got the juice, though, man. I would love it because I would have to get back in shape

and spend some time to focus on that. I think Biz versus Jake Paul is intriguing. I think Jake to. I would love it because I would have to get back in shape and spend some time to focus on that. I think Biz versus Jake Paul is intriguing. I think Jake Paul laughs at it now because, but at one point it was probably legit. But if you got the whole barstool machine behind them, then maybe. They just want the money, man. I'll fight them both back to back. Let's go!

Well, I mean, I'm interested. How much do you want? I said this. How much do you want? If we're like Biz, you're getting this for your box. We can cut this. No, I don't care. Give him a million dollars. I would assume you get, what, three months to train?

Is that how it works? I'm sure you can work that into it. Whoever you did it with would probably allow that, whatever you need to make sure you're investing. Now, keep in mind, getting knocked out

by one of these guys is something that you'll never be able to live down. That's the thing. Look at Robinson. That's why I'm never. That's what. I've never put myself up But I'll say this able to live down. Look at Robinson. That's why I'm never. That's why. I'll never put myself up against a knockout.

But I'll say this. I've never. Again. I mean, that one picture. I'm going to go ahead. Yeah, I've never been afraid to lose fights. So I think a million bucks would be nice. Well, I said.

Which he could put on a way better show than Jose Canseco. Well, yeah. You can handle yourself, right? So people have asked me the question. I was like, I would need to calculate how much money I can potentially make for the rest of my career and then I need that because it's going to be over for me. Like it'll be so fucking embarrassing

that no one's ever going to like see what I do. I don't think losing a fight's that embarrassing. Getting knocked out. It depends on which man, though. The way I look and how it would happen. If you just get up there and you can handle yourself and you get knocked out, so be it. When you're a total embarrassment and you get fucking one-punched and then that's it for you. No one is ever going to want to –

Who was the clip of the recent knockout? It was so bad for the guy. Nate Robinson? Was it Nate Robinson? Ben Askren, too. I mean, that was after that. Well, Ben Askren was like a – Trevor Burbick got knocked out by Tyson 30 years years ago and he's still like fucking getting gifted.

That's what I mean. There's, you can like, I exaggerate saying your career's over, but it's gonna follow you everywhere you go. Anytime you send out

a tweet, your face. Anytime you have to like talk shit or get into it with somebody, they just come over the top like bam, oh yeah,

I'll remember this. I'm not fighting, I go, if you wanna see what it would be like me in a rough and rowdy, just look at Will Ferrell in old school when he's throwing around the fucking trash can in the locker room with his shirt off and his underwear.

I'm like, that's me. That would be me in the fight. I'm not doing it. Keep your composure. I'm not doing it. Biswell signed a deal with Giphy to get 50 cents every time the gift gets him. There you go. You make money.

Yeah. But everyone's got a number. Me? Yeah. I mean, I say that, but also you're selling money. Honest to God. So you truly – If I said $50 million –

Obviously. Okay. So if I said $20 million. Yeah. $10 million. Yeah. And after that, no. I don't even –

Give me $9 million. I'm not doing it. $9, $9, $9, $9, $9. Well, I'm trying to think what would just – I could never step foot on a commercial airline again. I think if I got 10 more sheets, I'm private the rest of my life and there we go. And country clubs don't – That's his goal in life to never have to stop on a – or step on a commercial.

It was my first time ever just this past week going to Milwaukee and I understand it. Dude, that was your first PJ? There's nothing – Wow. First fucking taste you get of the good life. I was like, I can't go back to it. There's nothing remotely close to as good as flying private for the ultra-wealthy people. That is the ultimate

of what changes. I wanted to get a black car for Uber. This is getting Uber X's in Manhattan. I don't do the black cars. No, Whit was disgusting. I went over for a... Dude, hold up to my house.

This is unbelievable. I forgot. No, you ordered, hold up to my house. This is unbelievable. I forgot. No, you ordered me one to come. This is the story. So he's in Boston, and I'm like, dude, come down for dinner. Watch one of the games. And I said, I'll send you up a car. Because my girl was there, and our girls had never met.

Yes, so – A little double date? Yeah, you know, girls got to talk it out. So I send up a nice town black car, and I pick him up, drive him back, and then I said, Biz, you want me to get a car home? He's like, no, no, I'll order one at my house. It's like 11 o'clock. I see out the door a taxi cab pulled up.

I go, dude, you got a taxi? He's like, no, that's Uber. I guess Uber X also shares the taxis. I'm like, people in my neighborhood are going to think I'm a fucking caged animal. You have a yellow taxi pulling up to my house? But it had one of the signs that was probably, I would say, it was about four feet long and about two feet high. And it was, you could have put the ad here, but there was no ad on it. So it was just, it was like that.

It was like as bright as that ring light. So the whole fucking neighborhood was probably like you know looking through their blinds oh my god no i i'm but i'm pretty conservative he must have had a bernie made off financial advisor he's ordering people yellow taxis to leave his house now well i like you i've seen like tons of tweets about about that you're cheap. I've spent a lot of time with you. I don't find you cheap. It's an overblown. Yeah, it's overblown.

He's had a couple instances. There's a difference between cheap and not lavish. You know what I mean? Yes. He's frugal. He's frugal. I think I used to be maybe a lot worse. You mean cheap?

I've gotten better, yeah. No, it's frugal, though. How do you stay rich, man? When you start getting the label, you've got to make sure you're going out of your way to not like, oh, God, this guy actually is. So now you try to shit your pants so you don't have to miss a bill. Like I steal from R.A.'s wallet when he's not looking. I haven't had a wallet since I had a Velcro wallet.

For people who don't know, Austin Matthews, star player on the Toronto Maple Leafs, he mentioned that a couple times, Biz realized that the waiter was coming with the bill over there and the bathroom's over there. He's like, be right back. It's like perfect timing. But in the end, very generous guy. Very generous guy.

No doubt. For real. I wouldn't even call you frugal. You like to know where the money goes. Frugal is just below cheap. Cheap is cheap. And then frugal is like, I'm really cautious. We'll see what Grinnelli walks around with. We know you guys are fucking.

Grinnelli's loaded. Don't let him fool you. We were going to get RA when we just gave him a stack of cash. I'm not a jewelry guy. I don't even wear a wedding ring. I said cash value, please. I don't even wear a wedding ring. Really appreciate it.

Have we started this interview? Yeah, this is it. Oh, I didn't even know we were doing an intro. I was actually like, dude, we have an interview in 40 minutes. We've got to get this thing started. This is how we do the interviews around here. We've had guests on who are on for like 20 minutes. They're like, so, same thing.

They're like, I only have 10 minutes left. Oh, no, we've been. We're pretty much done. Yeah, we're almost done, dude. Wait, I was talking about cheating on my old lady. Yeah, we're going to keep it. That's good for ratings. Yeah, we hope you say that shit.

We're trying to trick you. We had a guy the other day. Have you seen the show Mindhunter on Netflix? I have, and it's not on anymore. I know. Great show. Is it the star?

Louis Tash, the other one. The older guy of the two. Okay. So, like, there's the founder of the Unlooking Dude, and he, like, sat down and he Okay. So, like, there's the founder, the young looking dude. And he, like, sat down and he was talking about, like, getting dinner with David Fincher and stuff like that. And we're like, oh, that means Mindhunter's back. And then, like, ten minutes later, he was like, wait, was that in the interview?

Oh, yeah. That was it. Oh, yeah. That's what I meant. For sure. Don't come in here and just start talking to us. Fuck everything's recorded. How about this show, though, is about how, is it the FBI?

They started their, like, how profiles hunt a serial killer and so it's a kind of psychology i think i've started watching young like a young like hot shot kind of guy and then also the guy you interviewed he's old school like square head and dude that's a great show that's my fucking stares through your soul he looks like he reminds me of uh the dad in wonder years yes like scary yes yes have you seen it all right i've seen the one the is i haven't He reminds me of the dad in Wonder Years. Yes. Remember Kevin's dad? Yes. Have you seen it already? I've seen the one that he is. I haven't seen mine.

Oh, dude. I think Ari's sick of the crime stuff. Yeah, it's been recommended. I kind of tapped out on the murder stuff. But try Mindhunter. All right, I will. It's a good one. Because I'm with you on that. A lot of it is like the same shit again.

But this is real. Yeah, and anything with Finchel. It's also real. It's real. Zero Killers. Yeah, based on real shit. And he was like, he was all business, man. He was talking to us about, like, you know, just his career and the craft of acting.

And he's, like, staring through your soul. And I was like, holy shit. And you're like, does this dude know how much 3G I want? It's so weird when we're interviewing people like that who are, like, so dedicated to the craft. Because, like, you guys, when you were doing interviews, like, you've lived, like, even, like, you know about hockey, you've lived it. Like, I don't fucking know shit about acting.

And they were trying to explain it, and we're like, I don't know, man, I guess. No, and you know, as they're explaining it, they're thinking, like, this guy is not getting what I'm saying. He's not respecting what I'm saying.

You stupid fucking idiots. Listen to me. Because there are actors who, like, they are serious about the craft, and they prize, and then there are other actors who just show up and they fucking turn it on. And they're just as good as the people who pour the hot and soul into it. Anthony Hopkins was talking about how Daniel Day-Lewis method acts.

Oh, yeah. He's like, fuck that. Just show up when the cameras are rolling, you act. You know what I mean? Yeah. I think Hopkins was like, I have a job. I do my job and I go home. Yeah.

I know, but they're so different, these kids. So I'm obsessed. I'm up different dudes. go home yeah i know but they're so different these kids so i'm obsessed kids it's like i'm a different dudes i was watching red october the other night and it was like it's i tweeted about how it's hilarious that connor was just like i'm not doing an accent i'm i'm scottish i'll play a russian but i'm not doing a fucking accent yeah and then i like i googled it and he i guess he's a late edition he did one day of rehearsals and was like all right let's start filming i'm good like i'm ready to rip

so going back Daniel Day-Lewis I'm obsessed with watching his interviews on YouTube I find it fascinating I agree with you that like

it seems like a bit much to act as that person like imagine being his family he had his kids he was a carpenter so for Lincoln I think

for Lincoln he was like shitting in an outhouse he was living in a place with no electricity and he also talked about the back side of it is like learning to not be that person anymore. So when he's doing these roles, it's like a three-year commitment. You've got to come out of it.

But, hey, I mean I do respect it because every time he does mail it. I'll say this though about him is thankfully he did it because there will be blood in his performance. I'm glad I got to see that. But also, don't you think – I guess it's kind of like sports where it's like there's the guy who can be in the gym or on the ice like 24 hours a day. And then there's the guy with the natural talent who's like, I don't even practice. You'd much rather be the Phil Kessel. That's what I mean. Who's the natural talent of Hollywood?

Because I think that Leo even, he dives into his roles pretty good. Sure, sure. But, I mean, a guy like Anthony Hopkins who was like, I don't need to do all that. He just shows up and it's on. That's how he said it. I want to Google it because I wanted to get it right. There's a legendary story. It's a movie from the 70s. A marathon man, Dustin Hoffman and Sir Lawrence Olivier. He's like a famous actor from the 40s and

50s. And like Dustin Hoffman was like getting into his role and he's like, well, what'd you do? He's like, I stayed up for like the last three nights to get into it. And now Lawrence Olivier is like one of the most famous actors ever. He's like, sir, well, why the last three nights to get into it. And now Lawrence Olivier is like one of the most famous actors ever. He's like, sir, well, why don't you just try acting? It's like this legendary story. I'd rather be that.

But what would you guys have done if you weren't like sports guys growing up? Like, I mean, I don't play, but just being a sports fan half the time because my team sucks so much. I'm like, I wish I just played instruments. I always wanted to be an architect. Architect for biz? Yeah. Why'd you make that face, Whitney? I'm not going to make the joke that I just thought because it's not fair,

but you as an architect, dude, I'm not confident in the stability of the building that was designed and built by you. I just can't picture it. You're an athlete. You're a big dude. Your brain building buildings is not what I could picture going on in your world. R.A., you have anything to say?

It's not chirping. I think that Biz is a successful guy. I think he's smart, but like... What if I became an architect just to spite wit and quit the podcast? For the content. Just for the content. Go to architect school.

Next thing you know i got a master class in architecture no you get to rough and rowdy a nerd from architect school i'm just i'm just fascinated by structures and and buildings and there was actually a master class and that's the reason i thought of it i forget who the guy's name is but it was it was on a world famous architect and he's designed plenty of buildings and i'm'm just fascinated by it. I.M.P.? The biz-nasty bridge somewhere? Imagine that, and you build yourself a suspension bridge? I think I would start with a house. You've got to light a bowl at one end of the suspension bridge.

If he's not confident that this thing is going to stay up, I think I should just sacrifice my own life as opposed to maybe a lot of people driving on this bridge. What would you have done? I don't know. Is there a plan B for you? A lawyer because you can argue like a madman. No, it's a cliche answer, but I was like the kid who was like,

I never thought about anything else. And looking back, I guess that's not a great thing. That's what my parents used to say. You've got to be more well-rounded. But I never, ever thought I was going to do anything else but play in the NHL. I get it. Okay. Okay.

Here's the thing, though. It could have been kind of ugly if I busted my ankle when I was 16, not after I signed a big deal. I don't know. What would I have done? Right. Well, it's hard. I want to know what R.A. would do if he wasn't podcasting.

He did it. Yeah. You know, I did have seven careers before this. But remember I sent you guys – it was my 10th. I was in, like, the fourth grade, and every year the teacher would have you write remember I sent you guys, it was my 10th. I was in the fourth grade, and every year the teacher would have you write an autobiography, even though you're only 10. And I had it.

It said, when I grow up, I want to be either a movie director, an astronaut, or a Playboy photographer. I was like 10. Now they send me their fucking principles. Well, listen, KFC Radio listeners, this dude got a Playboy subscription when he was in fifth grade. It was medical. It may as well have been a prescription. Fifth grade. I said prescription on the podcast. Fifth grade, dude.

Basically, I was probably 13 to 14. How I got it, my mother, she was pretty cool about that shit. Did you say mail to the house and everything? Well, a number of publishers, clearing houses, I think they're still around. They would say, you and me already won $10 million or whatever. I got sports for kids. The way to enter was you had to buy a couple magazine subscriptions. So I checked off Sports Illustrated and Playboy.

You're already on some mailing list. They don't know how old you are. And then two months later, I'm hitting the plastic bag, Playboy magazine. Did you have to run home? No. No, my mom was actually pretty cool about it. She knew we were boys because I legit read it. The article. The I legit read it. And, like, the whole, like, it was like.

The article. Actually, the first I've ever seen. Well, I'll say, who was it? Glennie Bowles, who went through one recently. Yeah. And he was bang on. It was sticky. I used to think Playboy was so overrated.

Because you wouldn't even see a naked chick until halfway through the fucking magazine. He was, like, on page 75. I used to get the Fox ones, where girls were just jamming their mitts with, like, big, fat, bucking billboards. Oh, the ones that are covered up? They used to have a page that was the girl, and then there was a dartboard on it where you could shoot your load. Bro, bro. You could shoot your load onto the page.

Yes, there was. Oh, yeah. I fucking saw it. Down boy, down boy. I don't know. I would never defile a playboy. Every summer I'd go to Providence College Hockey Camp, and it was two weeks overnight. Or it was one week, but I would do two.

And we would have This fucking porn mag That we'd pass around It was like a buster Baby Fox It was one of those Gritty ones And the pages

Got stuck together Because kids were Aiming at the fucking Target Kids were fucking They're passing it around And now Glennie's Doing reviews of it

It was called Peter North Target Practice Because he used to Shoot those Bro we would Fucking try and hammer it How do This is probably a question for all the listeners.

How do you, well, somebody out there, how did Peter North, how did he get the bat? He said he would eat celery. Sit on a bag of frozen olives. You can do that. He used to eat celery. That's what he said. You can do that.

You can sit on the peas. That guy's got natural power. That guy just whips up a batch that's bigger than everybody else. There's a strong amount of people that are listening to this that have probably watched a Peter North compilation of him coming on Chick-fil-A. I'd say a hundred percent. Hey, the funniest is when he's doing it and it just keeps coming out and the girl starts going.

She goes out of character and she just starts laughing. She's like, oh, yeah, yeah, she breaks. She's like, what is happening? Don't break. Don't break. She's like Jimmy Fallon on SNL. This is ridiculous. And you know he's sitting there like, I'm not even halfway done.

We've got like seven more ropes to go. So, Ari, can you remember the first one you got who was on the cover? No, I don't. Do you have your favorite cover? You know what? One of the few moves I've had since college, I've been carrying them around from cellar to cellar. I'm like, you know what?

I've got to get rid of them. I broke my heart. No, this was years ago. But I did keep the Drew Barrymore one that I stole on a road trip to go see the Stones in college. Drew Barrymore did playboy? Oh, yeah. I didn't know that. 94, I believe. I want to see everyone naked. I don't fucking

care. I'm not super trying to do that. I would watch anybody's sex tape, man. I would watch anybody fuck. I would watch you fuck. Without question. I don't want to watch me fuck. I can't imagine anyone else would. I'm not going to watch me fuck. I don't imagine anyone else would. I'm not going to pull my pun to it, but yeah, I'd fucking watch. Never had a sex.

KFC stroking off today. Never had. I won't get around. I mean, maybe I'll get around. I don't know. But I will watch anybody fuck. Maybe in college I might not have watched me, but not now. I'm all set now.

I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to see me banging on camera. I ended up saying I'd watch it, I think. It's like a nature film. You watch it through closed hands. The list of people I wouldn't watch fuck is like Osama bin Laden. Are you kidding me?

I don't know if I could do that one. That would be a little too much. Who about the politician, Christie? Chris Christie? I want to see how it happens. I want to see where that goes. He has to literally lift his fupa and let that thing out of its cage. Bro, you've seen him in softball pants or baseball pants? If you could pair the best sex tape to release in the next month, who would it be?

I mean, right now? I want to go on the good-looking version of that. Are we talking on the lowest scale? I was just looking for a combo from you guys. I'm just trying to spark it up here. So in the next month, so I'm trying to think like, well, I'm just saying like,

if you can have it come out, you'd just be like, wow, this is like, this would be a, wow, this would break the internet more. Ben and J-Lo. Ben and J-Lo. Oh yeah.

What an answer. With that big old Phoenix tattoo on his back. J-Lo's grabbing the bird with the nails. Oh, yeah. What an answer. With that big old Phoenix tattoo on his back. Raw! J-Lo's grabbing the bird with the nails. She's like a pterodactyl clawing at him and shit. Hey, I think if they got somewhat of a connection, if I'm him, lock her up. Yeah, man. It would be tough.

But she's not a fifth marriage, man. She can't be locked up. Yeah, she's a fucking ring collector. You can try. You can try, but she's the one. Isn't A-Rod now crushing his ex? Yeah, that was the retaliation. You almost have to.

Oh, you mean Ben Affleck's ex. A-Rod. So, yeah, J-Lo's ex. A-Rod has about 90 exes. A-Rod is crushing Affleck's ex. Yeah, they did a little switcheroo. Really? I don't know.

Not Anna Day. This might be one of those ads on the app. No, Biz is talking about A-Rod getting back at his original wife. No, you're talking about. I meant A-Rod and – Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck. Oh, Jennifer Garner. No, it's not Jennifer Garner.

And the Amos? I don't know, dude. But that is like – you almost have to do that as like a – No, what? The woman is not a famous actress. All right, we got to trade and make sure everyone has the same herpes virus. That's a little screwed. Dude, that's a good pick by you, though. I was going to say

Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox right now. The It Couple. Are they the It Couple? I would say they're the newest It Couple, but those two are like the you know, they've had the game for 20 years. Back to the career thing. No, honestly, Kev, I didn't grow up dreaming. The only thing I wanted to do as a kid growing up was be a fireman like my father. He was a Boston Firefighter.

Like every little kid dreams up, grows up, wants to do what their dad did. And that was, like, the obvious thing. But as I got older, I got to, like, all right, do I want to go? Because you had to go into service to become a veteran if you wanted to get on when I was trying to get on. I was like, nah, you know what?

I should go to college. Like, none of my cousins had graduated from college before. I'm, like, my mother's side of the family. So I ended up choosing that route. And it took a little while to find, you know, career's happiness. But I wouldn't trade it. And that got to a you know career's happiness but yeah i wouldn't trade it like i and i got to a point like i used to get despondent every time a fire truck went by because

it's like fuck i used to want to do that and then i realized like you know what i probably wouldn't have been the best fight i mean like i i wouldn't want to rely on me pulling me out of a fire so it's like some kids like bernie's like no he busts through the window they're like yeah i could have been i could have been a bronze plaque by now. My dog's still in there. This is the guy they sent. They got here and that's who it is? No, Ari, remember when we started this show? At the beginning, we didn't get paid for at least five months.

I would say we didn't make a dollar. We're still making our bones. Then all of a sudden, he's like, hey, here's $1,000. They sent us two grand cash, Barstool. We were like, and after you were saying like, dude, I've been writing for this site for 10 years. And like just to get a little money from it was just the beginning. I was happy for you, Dad. Thank you.

Yeah, after every September email. Dave said no to them. So can I get paid for a blog this year? And then I was like, wait, A, B, C, or D. It's like, all right, whatever. But I'm like, what am I going to punt and take my bongo home and start a fucking WordPress that 200 people read? Well, that's why Dave did it.

He knew what he had. Right. And it's like, all right, stay, ignore that, keep grinding, and have the whole fucking planet see what I have to say. So, you know, patience is a virtue. Bananas. It's crazy. It's been fun.

I mean, he took over the whole fucking space, man. Well, RA and Witt started it all. Grinnelli hopped on board, and I was fortunate enough to get the nod, the late call-in. So, yeah, it's been a very special run. We were just talking about it with Kevin Weeks. Like, since we've been here, or since I've been here, everything that we want to try, we have not been told no. Yeah. And fortunately for us, it's turned out, you know, some of the things have turned out to be pretty big.

Other times, you know, you might land on your face. But ultimately, that's one of the special things about working for this company is just your, what of the things have turned out to be pretty big. Other times, you know, you might land on your face, but ultimately that's one of the special things about working for this company is just your, what's the word I'm looking for? Your support. Creative freedom. Creative freedom. Thank you, Ari. Suck it, Whit.

No. Hey, listen, I just tried to help. If you want to say suck it, go be a fucking architect. KFC, we've known each other a long time, and I remember I was in Secaucus working at the NHL Network. So you go was in Secaucus working at the NHL Network. So you go to grow Secaucus here at the network like during the day at night. And the podcast had began maybe a year before that. Biz was on board, but I definitely felt like, wow, we're getting bigger.

We're getting, you know, get some more traction. And you sent a text to me like, dude, this is amazing what you guys are doing. It was out of the blue. It's really nice to you. And I remember thinking like he's been doing this a long time. Like was out of the blue. It was really nice of you. And I remember thinking, like, he's been doing this a long time. It was very clear that you had something. Yeah, he's like, you said that you guys are killing it. I'm like, all right.

That felt really good. That felt really good. Because it is true. At the time when it started, I did not think – I didn't have the nerves of, like, I'm kind of putting myself out here. I'm lucky I didn't think that way. It was also so small to me that I was like, I don't even know if people will listen.

But when you get into the game, you start thinking like, oh, fuck, I hope people like this. It's just so natural. So to get support in your text, that meant a lot. But then as it's grown and when he came, it just exploded. And I think it was a big reason.

Natural is the way to put it, though. I feel like you guys having the hockey background, you as, like, the diehard fan, you guys obviously being in the league, is a big help. We're all different, too. The natural, but it's like you guys, there's plenty of fucking players who know the game, right? But the ball busting and, like, the humor and the language and the slang

and, like, all that shit I think is what the big draw is. I could listen to you guys just fucking talk about, I mean, I guess that's what the podcast is. You just listen to you guys talk. It's become that, yeah. But the way you guys talk is so funny. We might have to do KFC radio style and not even talk about hockey anymore. Well, that's when you're fucking lucky. Because people are like, what is your podcast about?

I'm like, how dare you ask me that? Loads. I have no fucking clue, and don't you dare listen to it because I say stupid stuff on it. What's so wrong with you both man Yeah But that's the thing If you don't have a specialization Or whatever

It's hard It is It's like And the name is so stupid The name is the worst podcast name In the history of the world And so people don't know what it is Or why to listen

Where it's like You'll tune in to you guys for hockey For play for golf And then you'll talk about Whatever you want really But there's a reason And for us It's like I don't really know new guys you guys have your diehards yeah new guys

getting a new piece of why listen i actually originally i wish it was just called like the barstool sports podcast because it was just about sports and chicks and viral videos and this company yeah and so that would it would have worked especially when it was the only podcast but dave wasn't on it so it couldn't really have that name blah blah i never thought it was gonna be a big thing so i was just like i don't know i was thinking of it as like you know radio stations have like the letters like the call letters yeah it sounds like kfc radio and i had i known it was gonna be like this i don't know i would have put much more thought into it because it's do you get about chicken do you get asked about the one-minute mans quite a bit on this show?

Yeah, that's when we... A lot of the guests we've been interviewing will be like, oh, wait, I've never seen this. Do you have any second thoughts? Brandon, yourself, is the one-minute man? Don't give a fuck. Whatever. Whatever.

Sponsored by Roman Swipes. You know how many girls are going to recognize you? I was with Smith name in college. Give them the opportunity to experience two or three minutes. Whatever. I'll prove you wrong. I'll prove you wrong. Two minutes. I was with his nickname in college. You can at least give him the opportunity to experience two or three minutes. Whatever. I'll prove you wrong. I'll prove you wrong. Two minutes.

That's what I'm saying. That was, it's kind of comparable to the, not really, but we were having a debate the other day on the podcast. Would you switch lives with Richard Gere? And it's not fair playing with you guys

because you're like, you're already good. Richard Gere? Do you know the urban legend about Richard Gere? You know him? He's the actor from Pretty Woman. Yeah, I knew he was an actor. So there's a, there's a stallion back in the day. There's a rumor though you know the urban legend about Richard Gere? You know him? He's the actor from Pretty Woman. Yeah, I knew he was an actor. He was a stallion back in the day.

There's a rumor, though, like an urban legend, that he puts gerbils in his ass. And one time had one stuck in it. That was a curb episode, I think. Yeah, it's a pretty prevalent rumor. Well, yeah, for them to throw it in curb, it's either that it was a very funny rumor that they all had a good laugh about, or the fact that he knows that it's true. Yeah, and I don't think it's true. How big is a gerbil?

I mean, it's too big to go high. I think you put it in your ass and it's strong and neat and stuff. I don't think that's true. Well, it's a big fetish. Well, I don't know if it's a big fetish. It's part of a fetish community, yeah, among a certain subset. But this guy, you know, he's a stallion. He's made money.

He was in Pretty Woman. He's this handsome actor. But every room he walks in, 75% of the room is going, that guy puts a dribble in his ass. So I don't think I want that. I don't think I want that life, no matter how good the rest of it is. I don't want to be known as the guy with the dribble in his ass. I was saying today, like, my ass is so itchy just from sweating outside

that I keep doing this in my seat. And I'm like, if I was Richard Gere, people would be like, he's got a dribble in his ass. Oh, it's up there right now. Anytime you're squirming, there's a German in that guy's ass. Even if it is a bad rumor, you've got to admit, even if he has an ass itch, he probably avoids touching it. It's in the back of everybody else's mind.

But I think it's cool to have a story where people are like, if I'm on the street corner and I'm Richard Gere, and I kind of go like this, and I've got my nuts stuck, people are like, I saw Gere's ass. He had a German on his ass. You don't want that. I also think nuts stuck. People are like, I saw a gear that he had a gerbil in his ass. And you want that. I also think if it's a rumor of that size, if it wasn't true, you'd come out and squash it. Well, that –

Yeah, but then you validate this. I'm here to tell you. I never put a gerbil up my corner. I wouldn't do that. But wouldn't you like – I think it was back in the 90s when it was like no comment was how you handled shit. But right now, if someone made a rumor that you put gerbils up your ass, I feel like you've...

I would make a joke about it. You'd tweet a gif about a gerbil. I'd post a photo of my asshole and say, look how tight this thing is. There's no way of fucking... This thing's a fucking balloon nut. Not even a baby gerbil

could get this fucking thing. I don't like the butt play. I had to... There was a... Back in the day, we had a stewardess for the Coyotes. She was good looking, and I was in my single days. And she tried to get me into the butt play with a finger up, and I just – Oh, you threw her down?

Not a bottom man. I was like accepting at the beginning of like, okay, like does it end up like – Is she touching my taint? No, no. I would say she probably had about that much. Like a knuckle. One knuckle. One knuckle.

And I was just, I was like, it's not getting any better. She was keeping it in there while I was getting tugged. Yeah, and just wasn't doing it for you. She was sitting teepee style. And yeah, I just, I couldn't get past the butt play. She was sitting cross-legged like at the table. On the, yeah. It was like the scene from Ghosts

but it was as poor as hog. No, legit. She, you know, they would clean up the plane after we would leave and then she, a couple times, you know,

we had a little fight. So you were just plugged. She wasn't like in and out. She just plugged it and jerked it. She plugged it and she was moving around a little bit

to try to, and you just, I couldn't. It wasn't for you, huh? What he got in the lineup that next game, she was like, gotta do it again.

And then I shot a load That fucking blew up My ceiling fan What was that movie Van Wilder He just come in the ceiling I hate this Alright

Let's go next door Show them the video From today It's gross I'm not watching It's not gross It's a fucking Send me the one of the video from today. If it's gross, I'm not watching. No, no. It's not gross. It's not gross. So there's –

It's a fucking – They sent me one of the balls coming out of the guy's asshole. Yeah, this is not – Okay, so that's Tom Segura posted that video. So this is – The guy pooping out his balls. There's a new Netflix show that's like a Fifty Shades of Grey thing. It's like, you know, porny for –

And so the premise is – For chicks that don't actually get laid. Pretty much, right? Yeah. So there's a housewife who's like sick of her boring marriage and she's like rekindling with her old boyfriend who used to pound her out, right? And then the husband finds out about it and starts stalking him. So this is him. This is the husband.

Sounds like Richard Gere in that movie with the French guy. Oh, yeah. Unfaithful. This is the husband, right? Adrian Lamb. And this is the guy that – the boyfriend. And so he stalks him all the way to the gym. They go to the gym together

Oh my god What's this That guy has all His face That's what his wife's getting No way Holy Bro

It's like a fucking elephant I don't want that That's a show It's on Netflix bro I don't know So I googled it And the actor The actor said

I tend to agree with you I'm like I want that for like A week I want to work with it And see what it does It's on Netflix, bro. So I Googled it, and the actor said, what? I want that for like a week. I want to work with it and see what it does, and then I want to be done with it. If I had that, I wouldn't fuck. I'd just go to gym showers. Just be like, look at this. Because guess what?

The girls aren't like, get that the fuck with me. I'd be like, Portnoy, make sure my sex tape's leaked. So it's a fucking, what do you call it, a show and not a grow. If Dave had that, his sex tapes wouldn't always be He'd be worth a billion dollars.

He'd be worth a billion. He hides his piece on purpose in those videos. He'd have four houses. You never see it, right? He's not carrying around a wrench that's He'd have four houses

in Miami. If I had that, I'd wear leggings like this. You can't tell me tons of girls are looking for that size. No chance. I think that girls want are looking for that size. No, I think that girls

want like one time with that. five, two, one, under. That's a rough ride. I think they would like to see it hard and be fascinated that an actual penis

can get that big. It doesn't fit. No, he looks at it and he's like, go wear it. They want it once. He's like, I'm actually not a grower though,

so you don't have to wear it. It shrinks. Bro, where'd it go? សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.