KFC Radio - A Tragic Death, Frankie's Web Of Lies, & Shane Gillis

Episode Date: January 23, 2020

Feits' is turning into an old man before our eyes. KFC has been slowly getting robbed. The guys argue over what age draws the line for a death to be called tragic. Voicemails include: TV Butler, Soap & Childhood Lies. Frankie Borrelli (00:43:41) returns to the show to discuss how he got trapped in a lie after accepting a gift, waking up to his apartment covered in blood, and the knife versus bat debate. Comedian Shane Gillis (01:30:37) joins the show. We discuss his controversial firing from SNL, how he got the chance to audition, the fallout of his firing, and more.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio brought to you by New Amsterdam Vodka, Pink Whitney, the Chicklets Boys, the vodka of choice for everyone here at Barstool Sports and all across the NHL, the vodka of choice for anybody who likes smooth vodka at an affordable price that can be mixed, that can be taken straight, can put it neat, put it on the rock vodka needs a bit much, but you could do it I love vodka, I know, that's what I mean

it's a bit much, you're a bit much most people ain't doing that by the way, speaking of the NHL real quick, how about the Stones on the Las Vegas Knights last night, what did they do? playing the Bruins beating them? no, they lost. But they tweeted

in the second period complete caps locks. Who was it who scored? I'm looking it up right now. Nick Hague. They tweeted caps locks. He did the thing. And I

quoted that and said, excuse me, you're playing my team. You don't get to do the thing against my team. And guess what happened after that tweet? That was for the Knights to go up 2-1. Bruins win 3-2. Two goals in the third period. I mean, like, the fact

that we're now stealing the thing from me, that's the big, like, and only pasta's allowed to do the thing. The thing, the NHL tweeted the other day. The NHL tweeted – All of the leagues are starting to follow. Baseball, a lot of people follow the Rockets or are taking his. Like these – Only pasta does the thing.

That's it. Like I don't say – I don't even say with any of the Bruins, pasta does the thing. That's it. That's almost a nickname. It's an action, but it belongs to pasta. Yeah. David Pasternak does the thing. No one else does the thing. That's almost a nickname. It's an action, but it belongs to Pasta. David Pasternak does the thing. No one else does the thing.

I don't care. The NHL is tweeting about goalies doing the thing. Nobody's not. Only David Pasternak does the thing. Stop tweeting the other people doing the thing. One person does the thing. The leading goal scorer in the NHL. That's his thing.

You okay? Clearly, just a little thought on your mind, huh? Just by the way, I mean, really, how were you going to get that out of your fucking soul if I didn't say NHL? I don't know. I probably would have just murdered a homeless person on the way home. Thank God we did this interview. Ramsey Abaga, you just saved a life. Because the only way John was going to get that off his chest was by me referencing hockey.

No one does the thing but David. It's funny that his name is David. I was begging him to score a goal last night. He was like, you goddamn motherfuckers. He did the thing. But it was like, Cranky scored and DeBruy scored. But they didn't do the thing. They scored goals. David does the thing.

Woo! So, if you are you know, do the thing here and get yourself some New Amsterdam vodka. Pasternak probably drinks it. And everybody in the NHL probably is following suit. So, go get yourself some New Amsterdam vodka, the Pink Whitney, the official vodka of Barstool and the NHL, and David Pasternak, because David does the thing. Do the thing. Get some new action now.

They'll probably make that their slogan. Like Lisa Mattress did. All right, that's ours now. We got a monster show today. Frankie Borelli makes his triumphant return to tell a story. I think he's alluded to it on foreplay, but this is actually a story that's been bubbling under wraps at Barstool for the better part of nine months, where Frankie has been trying to keep up a lie with the New York Islanders,

and he's a terrible liar, and it finally came to a head, so he can tell you the whole tale there. Shane Gillis is on the show talking about telling the tale. You remember him as the comedian who got fired from SNL before he ever even got a chance to start because he made some off-color comments on his podcast. I call it the Beltran. What's that? The Beltran.

That's funny. Shit. Shit. I should have said that in the interview. Fuck. How did I miss that? I wasran. That's funny. Shit. Shit. I should have said that in the interview. Fuck. How did I miss that? I was right in front of my face. There's so many ways to go, you know?

Fuck, man. Beltran copied him. It's called the Gillis, not the Beltran. Beltran pulled a Gillis. He's got hundreds of millions of dollars to show for it. Shane doesn't, but whatever. So he came on and explained the whole scenario with getting – how he got the job at SNL, how he lost the job at SNL, what his life has been like since the fallout. And we kind of addressed – we talked about it on the podcast, and we kind of said we understood why he got fired.

So it was a little – not awkwardness, but I remember feeling a little like, all right, how's this interview going to go here? He seemed to understand. Yeah, he got it. He's very – I had little like all right how's this interview gonna go here he seems to understand yeah he got it he's very i had a feeling about it he's gonna go yeah he's like very uh funny dude though rolls with dan soda and jay okerson so if big jay and soda are down with him you know uh you know he's got the goods so that interview at the end we'll get to our voicemails as well but first um i've been waiting for this day for a long time we've been doing adolescent adolescent and weird segments and just life lessons and uh and i've been waiting as as the elder statesman i've been waiting for you to get old i don't get hangovers i get to like do whatever i want i sleep

with candy in my bed i don't i don't any responsibilities. I don't have to answer to anything. And so John's just been a pain. Well, this is all still true. Yeah, but I need you to, like any step towards you admitting you're an old man, and I'll tell you what, the way I've been living, we are just swapping.

I'm just regressing, and I'm asking you for advice, and it is, it's not a good scene, but I was happy to hear that, and I don't know what it is yet, but John told me, this is one of his first.

I guess we'll do. We can combine the two things because there are two old man things that have happened recently. Okay. The first one, though, was the other night where it was I went to bed. I've been going to bed fairly early. I guess that's an old man thing. But that's like also like. What does early you mean?

Like I get in bed like last Friday. I was in bed at 930 p.m. Oh, wow. That's early But like regularly I know you used to Up to like 3am So I thought you were

Going to say early Is like 1 No regularly But like 11.30 midnight And that's still Really early That's still an extra Three hours of sleep

Yeah But the But usually yeah Like 11 to midnight Is usually when I'm When I'm hitting it But I was up until Like 4am

The other night I guess everything About this is really old man Because like I just couldn't sleep. It wasn't like... Ah, you weren't partying. It wasn't my mind was racing. It was just like I was... It was just like I was too anxious and excited

to sleep. Did you jerk off? And I gave it a whack. Did you try... Did you, like, poison yourself? No. No. But what I... So what I had done was... There's your problem. I was like – Natural sleep. The – I was just trying to – I'm like, why do I have energy? And I've always been a person who can just sleep no matter what.

Like it doesn't matter if you give me coffee. It's true. You put out – he's Jason Bourne. He just lays down on a wood floor. He just sleeps. Could have a Coca-Cola. I could have Coke. I could have whatever.

I can go to bed. It's like my body is – Professional sleeper. I was taking Adderall naps at last Super Bowl. Or taking Adderall, then taking a nap. So when I woke up, the Adderall was kicking. Like waking up and your brain is in your body like, where you been, dude? We've been crushing it over here.

John wakes up like, I've got the cure for cancer. It's like that's one of the – those are the best. It was like, all right, pop this, take a quick nap, good to go. And so, yeah, I could take an Adderall, wake up, and go to sleep right away. And last night, or a couple nights ago, I'm in bed tossing and turning, and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And I go to look at the drink I had before bed. More old man stuff.

It is like a scoop of powder, but it's all your vegetables for the day. It's all your vitamins and vegetables. And I see in the ingredients it has matcha tea to provide energy. And I was like, I had some matcha leaf in a drink, and I cannot fall asleep. You old. It was like – You old. I used to have anything.

You can't have coffee past 2 p.m. or something. I'm like, 2 p.m.? That's like hours and hours and hours away from bedtime. With dinner, I had an organic beverage, a green tea. A smidge of it amongst a bunch of other shit. That kept me up until 4 a.m. I used to say that one part of getting old is becoming ashamed of your alcoholism. Right. Where you're kind of like, like ashamed of your alcoholism. Right.

Where you're kind of like, oh, you're not telling the story. Like, you know, like in high school, you're like, I had 17 beers last night. And like getting old. When you're minimizing it. I had a couple. I had 17 beers. Yeah, I had two or three last night. That's definitely alcoholism.

That is. That's like one stage of being old. And number two is not being able to handle your uppers. I'm going to be up for days. If you lie. I'm jittery. If you lie and lower the amount of drinks you had, you're old. And if you just like can't take your uprights, you go to bed.

Yeah. I'm with you on both. I'm with you, I think, also with just like food in general. When you're like, oh, I can't eat those. That disagrees with me. I'm going to have heartburn or whatever. If you ever said that disagrees with me. You're old and you're probably, oh, I can't eat those. That disagrees with me. I'm going to have heartburn or whatever. Have you ever said that disagrees with me? You're old and you're probably gay or something.

Masha D disagrees with me. You need to kill yourself. But I'm new to the heartburn game. Welcome. Yeah, and it sucks. I used to think it was just like a little discomfort. It's like I can't sleep with the pain. The discomfort is like it's going to keep me you can't sleep with the pain like the discomfort

it's like it's going to keep me awake when i say i'm in pain at all times that's what i mean yeah i mean i have a heartburn it's kind of like a long almost like the like under your heart where your heart would be like under yeah it starts there and then comes up so i don't get it up i have i it hurt so much i thought it was like a back spine nerve thing because i got so many those issues i was like oh man it's almost like a pinched nerve it's like a back spine nerve thing because I got so many of those issues. I was like, oh, man, I almost have like a pinched nerve. It's like, no, dummy, you had fucking fajitas for dinner. I've said it a million times, and it's very true. If I have two slices of pizza that day, I have to sleep sitting up.

That's old. That's old. That's it. That's the way my life is. If you're on Barstool Gold, you're looking at two old washed up bags of shit got a bar very last episode was like get a barcelo gold to look at two hot guys the very last episode that's how life works we we were arrested then that was recorded on a monday we'd had the weekend

to chill now we've been alive for three days straight. And it's like, fuck this. It's over, man. Been alive for three days straight. I had a matcha tea. And I had you at a fajita. And that's all it takes to derail this fucking train. Took us down.

Took down the empire. Some heartburn and some restlessness. Go to Barstoolgold.com slash KFC. You make the choice. You're looking at two hot guys or two old bags of shit. You tell me. I think it's somewhere in the middle. But speaking of old people, I was perusing a Twitter last night.

It was two of a pornographic star. And I – John does not follow porn stars. He follows porn stars. He doesn't click the button. He opens up your your timeline and scrolls it so hard to find because twitter does like safe search they do that like that's a shadow banning shit yeah you can type in the porn stars exact handle and i can't fucking

find it but so i was like i was like scrolling through her i wasn't even looking at porn i was really just like scrolling through her her twitter and it was Adra Fox. And at one point she tweeted about how she's like, I've been alive for 24 years. And I was like, what? How old? I've been watching Adra Fox have sex for 10 years. I was going to say, that's like you watch some illegal porn. That girl's been famous for a long time.

And it struck me that porn stars are like college athletes. Where it's like, I can see you, and even if they're trying to look younger, I'm like, no, you're still older than me. Yeah, I know you are. I'm going to be 60 years old watching porn and be like, this bitch is 65 at least. Great. It's just something about your mind. I think I've always done it. I guess I haven't done it with porn stars as much.

But with athletes, the first one that really hit me was LeBron because we would have been freshmen in college at the same time had he gone to college. And we were watching his first game, like, all huddled around in a dorm room. And I was like, I'm fucking here, and you're there. Like, that's fucking insane. I mean, athletes in general. And then, like, when the Bryce Harpers and the Mike Trouts come along there like that's fucking insane you know i mean that was the first one that's right and then like

when the bryce harpers and the mike trouts come along and they're like teenagers and it's like oh they're yeah these guys are like way younger than you not even like oh we're right on the cusp but it's like and then once you're my age now i know no that's what yeah i mean there's something about that athlete my child's probably what like 25 now or some shit like he's been around i think he's like close to my age, actually. Is he up there? He has been around for a minute, but I feel like I could meet someone who's mid-20s and be like... He's 28.

I guess I wouldn't consider 28 young, but if I met someone who's like 25, 26, I'd be like, you're like a kid. He might as well be a superstar. Joe Barrow doesn't look that much younger. Right, right. There's something about success. I think if I see you on the TV, you know, there are super stars. Right, right. There's like, there's something about success. I think if I see you on the TV,

you're older than me. Yeah. If you're more successful than me, other than like children, but even them, sometimes I'm like, Bobby Brown's basically older than me. You know,

like she's, she's more experienced than me. She has more money than me, more success than me. Like, yeah, maybe by just a number, right?

By, by how, by carbon fucking, fucking you know whatever my how long have i been on the planet yes am i older than you no that's fair and then if you do if i do look older than you like like there are yes there are some porn stars where it's like i mean you're really really young and i will not enjoy your porn in that sense i like her i was older than me but the the like if i'm older than you you're like the kicker of porn where it's like you're not even close. You know what I mean?

It's not even like, oh, it could be. I feel like every starting quarterback, every offensive lineman, every football player, I'm like, you're not – there's no way you're 19. No. It's not. And then I see the kicker. I'm like, you're 12. You're either older than me or you're a child. Yeah, I can see that.

I mean, anybody that I've seen on TV, anybody that I know has millions of dollars, anybody that I know is famous or successful, you're older than me. I think that's a very fair rule. I also think – Because I used to joke with Sidney Crosby where it was like he's younger than me or Sidney might be my age too. I think he was the first one. He was my LeBron for you where it's like we're right about the same age and this is depressing and then I think something happens

in your mind where you just like start lying to yourself very convincingly and you're like nope he's older than me I had a moment you have that one athlete where you're like he's younger than me and then your brain goes fuck that none of them are younger than us. Yeah. I'm like, nope. Wrong. It's lying. It's lying. It's lying.

You realize it one time and you can pinpoint the player that you lied about. And then after that, everyone's over it. The paradigm just shifts. David Bostock's 21 years old. No way. Plus he's 35. He's definitely older than me. He's 36. All right?

I had a moment the other day. The first time I ever really had a fear about getting old. And it lasted a minute, and I'm so happy I'm a guy. Because I was thinking, this divorce took so long, and I'm still not out of everything. I'm still not back in regular life. And I was like, I've got to get going. I wasted a couple years. I'm going to be 40 soon. I'm missing my mid-3030s those are some of your last good years i'm getting old what

do i do and then i was like i'm a guy it doesn't matter like it really like i ramped up and went right back down went to sleep it was like and i can't imagine like being a girl feeling that it's like that's got to be the worst whereas i'm like i don't know 40 doesn't really know 50 so we get better hopefully if you don't get better then you just become an old bag of shit. I'm hoping that there's better things in the future that makes your age not matter. But at least there's that opportunity for us. I've had a similar fear of getting older, but it's not like missing my life. It's like getting sick and stuff for the first time ever.

Yeah, I started thinking about getting. Where it's like, oh, I should see a doctor. Yeah. In 10 years. I get scared. I'm in, like, I'm now, like, it's not... If I get cancer now, it's not like, wow, so young. I feel you, but it's...

It's like a little young. Yeah. It's not like super tragic. That usually doesn't happen for, like, 5 or 10 more years. Like, you're actually, like... You get one more year and then it's like and then it's like yeah you got cancer yeah cancer at 36 is a bit much i get but only because you have kids if you were single at 36 and you got cancer but whatever doesn't even

matter really that's a pretty full life that's it is only the good years as long as you're just cutting out the bad ones as long long as civilization has been around, if you died at 36. Oh, you were like an ancient dude at one point. Yeah. Historically speaking, full life. Yeah, it's only been like a blip on the radar that people live past 30. It's like the only people who would say, oh, he was so young, are people older than you. All the athletes.

All the kids who just got drafted. Everyone else, Like your nephew Like my niece I don't have a niece My younger cousins Would be like Yeah it's about the age you die Yeah well he's an uncle

Yeah it's like Uncles are old Parents are old They die That's what old people do They die It wouldn't be like Wow

John Henry died Yeah It checks out It checks out He looks like he's about to go You are the most Pessimistic Warped person in the world.

We're talking about people in their 30s. I don't think 30s that much. I don't think it's stunning to die in your 30s. I think it's sad. It's a bit of a loss of life. Most people are probably living to like 90 now. We're talking about cutting it in like a third. I don't think it's that crazy like imagine if you got you gotta imagine if i gave you a big sandwich and you only have

like a little third of the end you'd be like that's not fucking i i think if i'm reading an article on someone who died and it's like he died of you know cancer he lived a life okay wait i'm gonna i hate to be to bring up reality but like that espn report the other day over the holidays died of pneumonia. He died of cancer. Oh, alright. Well, I thought that was someone who died of pneumonia. No, they thought it was pneumonia. And he actually had, I think his girlfriend went on his Twitter and provided

an update. It was like, actually, he had stage four lung cancer. He had like a stage four lung cancer that progresses really fast. And he's like, I think it hurt. So maybe like pneumonia was like the cause of death. But like it was cancer it was because of the cancer weekend

her tweet was something along the lines of like he would want you to know that it wasn't something as simple as pneumonia that took him out yeah that is true it was more that took him down

but that was not like oh wow that's tragic you were like yeah so that sounds about it's no doubt it's like that's normal you're making it real

which isn't fair but the uh that's how you gotta play the game here at KFC Radio That's normal? You're making it real, which isn't fair. That's how you got to play the game here at KFC Radio. Get to the internet. Keep it real, bro. At no point, I guess I don't know him that well, so I haven't thought about it that much.

But at no point was I like, that is so young. You are a sick pup. It's young. It's young. It's young. It's young. I mean, it's younger than me. So if I die, you're just going to be like, okay. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I'd be like, yeah. Yeah, Kevin. There have been times recently where I thought you were dead. All right, me specifically is different. Me specifically is different. If Dan dies, Dan's got no problems in his life he's happy we're the same age you wouldn't be like oh man that's that's nope i really wouldn't oh yeah i believe you i tried to make it real thinking you were gonna be like ah fuck you're right but nope no you can only

make it real with like things i might get yelled at about i will you guys are my friends i can i can shit on your dad whatever no idea i uh so many people do think I'm going to kill myself. I got charged the other day $6,700 by fucking Hootsuite, which is just a service that I used over the years to organize my social media. You can put all these lists together. You open up a page and it just has all the Barstool guys. It was just a way for me to organize Twitter. I guess I signed up. I guess we've been paying for years, you said, right?

So this is starting in like 2009 or 2010. He's trying to get me on Twitter. And at that point, I remember being like, I will never use this app. So figure out a way for me to like – Well, I stopped using it. You've still been using it, right? Yeah, well, that just became like – I signed up when it was a dollar 99 and they have a month yeah and they've since raised it to 21.99 but that change happened in 2013 and i've just been paying you think 20 a month since 2013 i think he was i don't think i have been because i i think you

like set up the account and that's why i've been I've been paying it, but when you said you got charged, I checked my account. I was like, I did not get this charge. So what happened to me? Your account, your PayPal was attached to it somehow. So I all of a sudden got like a $370 charge right at the end of the year. And I was like, what the fuck is this? I don't pay for this.

And they told me that it was like an upfront lump sum for a year. And so I was thinking like, all right, maybe Hootsuite is a couple dollars a month and I didn't notice it and then they get you all in one shot in the year. And $370 is annoying but it wasn't – it's an impediment for me to like have to call and do it. So I was like, whatever. But then I got one for $6,740. And I, like, had a fucking heart attack. And I was like, all right, this is fraud.

And I call up Chase, and we start going through it, and I find a million other cases of fraud. Like, $1,000 in the past, like, two weeks' past two weeks worth of just Target.com, Starbucks. I'm like, I don't go to Target. I don't shop Target.com. I don't go to Starbucks. All these places that I know I don't do. And smartly for just like $15, $20, $100. And I was like, I'm so fucking good at knowing how much money I have in my bank account.

It's amazing. I am within $50 every time. Really? It's incredible. I wish I was. Sorry. Sorry to interrupt you, though. I'm always like way off.

That's thousands of dollars lower than I thought. So we – like the guys on the phone and I'm just sitting there scrolling. I'm like Target.com for $47..22, just Starbucks for $10.13, just one by one by one. And we get to like $1,000 worth, and I'm on like December 28th. And I was like – I said to the guy, I'm like, so do we just do this forever? I was like, will you stand on the line with me if I just go through my entire history? He's like, that's what I'm here for. And I got like two more weeks in, and I was like, I mean, I can't do this forever like well i was like will you stand on the line with me if i just go through my like entire history he's like that's what i'm here for and i got like two more weeks in and i was like i mean i can't do this all night like i i just don't want to do this all night but let's just put an end to it now how about that so i probably i mean if i did like a thousand dollars

in the past couple weeks i'm like no wonder i've been broke there are times where i'm like i know i have a fuck ton of bills but this is kind kind of crazy. It's like, yeah, you're being – they're stealing from you. Someone has been stealing from you like very, very often for multiple days, weeks, months, years. Who knows? So – That's too many. I'm going to be honest with you. I know it's the double Netflix charge.

I don't look. You got to look. Apparently. Yeah. Like I said, it's – you know why though? It's like it's so depressing so i just don't look at it it's like getting on the scale if you're fat i'm not doing it i i i i'm all like so many bills to pay you get so fucked when you like don't make money yeah it's

like really fucked yeah it's awful it's it's it's making money important Important. Actually good. So I had the Netflix thing the other day, and I called, and they were like, they're like, all right, it's going to be like four to six business days to get a new card or whatever. And I'm like, that's fucking bullshit. I have my card. Also, that's another thing, because I had to get a new card. They were like, Chase does this at least. They're like, all right, the new one will ship in 10 days. Is that okay?

And I'm like, no, it's not. 10 days? I need the card to get money. And they go like, okay, we'll send it tomorrow. I'm like, why don't you just fucking – Why did they start with the 10-day bullshit? Just fucking send it. With us, it's like – or me, it was like four or six days.

And I was like, well, that's unacceptable. I have my card. If I lost my card, I would – I said that's crazy. They were like, well, it's $15 to expedite it. I was like, well, I didn't lose it. So this is your fault. This is your problem.

So I need my card tomorrow, so you're going to have to send it to me. And they were like, okay, sir. You're right. Let me talk to my supervisor. And they came back, and they were like, yep, we'll send it out to you right away. Waive the fee. And I know they do that because I have money in the bank. So they don't want to lose my business.

True. And it's like if you only have $20 left, I bet they're like, I'm taking $15. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm making my money on you. Right, right. I know you're gone. I can't afford to do this. Well, I even did that with Hootsuite. They were like – so the kicker was they were like, this is an authorized charge.

Like this is not fraud. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about i think what happened was when i got the 300 charge i went into hootsuite and i was like i must be signed up for a paid one and i just want to have the free one and i'm pretty sure what i think happened is that and i'm curious how you would answer this if i told you you could have the business level or the professional level which Which one is going to cost more money? Business. Professional.

I would choose business. I don't know what I did, but I think I did that. I think I was like, oh, I must be business case. Like, I'll just be a professional. Like, I'm not a business. Whatever it was, you know what I mean? Like, that needs to be, like, more of a distinction for me. I think it's – yeah, I agree with you.

If you told me there's a business level, I would assume that you're paying for it so like you know what i mean the free needs to be like free yeah free would be the word to use for the free one yeah yeah so i think i like i think i said like all right i don't want to pay that three hundred dollars anymore let me go over to like professional or whatever and then that must be like when you run a whole fucking company worth of social media because it was seven thousand dollars and they said that's like prorated for a short period of time or whatever. And I was like, motherfucker, get rid of this. But they – yeah, but I was scared for a second because they were like, this is an authorized charge. And I thought they were going to be like, we got your money.

So they said – they were like, sir, what do you want me to do? And I was about to be like, give me my money back and close the fucking account. Get rid of me. And I was like, but then they might not be inclined to refund me. So I was like, I just want you to take off that big charge, and I'll resume paying the little charge, and then I'm just going to cancel that tomorrow. But in the moment, I wanted them to be like,

oh, you're leaving Hootsuite? We're taking your fucking money. I was like, all right, no, I'm still a big Hootsuite fan. Give me my fucking money back, though. They said they're going to refund it, but until that shit hits the account, I ain't saying nothing. You just did. No, I'm saying everything.

No, I mean I'm not like thinking I won. Like I don't have that money back. Oh, I see. I mean it's like until I have $6,000, $700 back in my fucking pocket, I'm still going to fucking probably like – I probably won't sleep at night. It'll probably keep me up at night. We're going to do a couple voicemails real quick, and then we'll get Frankie Borelli. Yeah, right?

Do a couple voicemails real quick, and then we'll get Frankie Borelli, Shane Gillis on the show. Voicemails today are brought to you by Thursday Boots. We are – oh, it's cold right now. We are in, like, dead winter mode. And, you know, your Ultra Boost sneakers with the knit top ain't going to cut it anymore, man. Your boat shoes, you got to retire them, white boys. You got to get yourself a nice pair of sturdy, trusty, stylish Thursday boots. These boots are high quality, all different kinds of leathers and suede.

Me and John have designed two different Thursday boots over the years. One was like an olive suede. The other was like a brown leather with like a brown tip. Those brown boots are so sick. So dope. That tip is like, it reminds me almost like

the patent leather Jordans. I was going to say Peaky Blinders, but sure. No, but just like that tip. Or more like the Iversons had like the tip that would color.

But yeah, I mean, they are, Peaky's a good, if you can, Tommy Shelby wears those boots. If you can pull off like a look that's Shelby-esque you should do it like if I could wear those hats

if I could wear a scally cap and a fucking vest suit with like a pocket pocket watch and all that shit I would do all that I just think you look like an asshole but Tommy Shelby doesn't he looks cool as shit so Thursday Boots the official boots of Peaky Blinders go get yourself a pair of Thursday Boots by order of the Peaky fucking Blinders

go to ThursdayBoots.com now and get high quality boots at an honest price. Voicemails and then we'll get to the goons. What do we got? Hey, what's up guys? I was listening to Thursday's episode about the hypothetical restaurant in your house and it got me thinking. If you can pick any TV or movie character to be your personal servant or butler, who would you pick? Thanks, Viva.

Alfred Pennyworth. Done. He's the greatest butler of all time. I'm not looking for a good butler. I'm looking for power. That's how I do things. What? I'm looking for...

What the fuck kind of answer? What does that mean? I don't want you to want to be my butler. You're into some, like, fucking fin-dom shit probably, right? Like, I want you to steal my money and step on my balls. No, I don't want a butler to help me. I want to make you small, and that's why it's Ryan from The Office. Oh, okay.

You want somebody to bully, not someone to help you. Yeah, I want power. So you want, like, Tommy Smokes? I want a Tommy can bully. Yeah. Not someone to help you. Yeah. I want power. You want Tommy Smokes? I want a Tommy Smokes, yeah. I want Ryan from The Office. You are a sick fuck, by the way. I want him to be like... I think any question we've ever had where a fictional character would be a submissive,

it's always Ryan from The Office. That's a good one. Because I think he's a little son of a bitch. Yeah, he is one of the most infuriating characters and i love bj novak fantastic but plays the role amazingly uh i just got pushed over here from bank of america but it was me signing me out of that would be very funny right now um but yeah i i think everything about him is very annoying i think the vest i was watching an old curb episode the other day where like someone was unironically wearing just a vest with jeans. Remember that?

That was a look. That was crazy. There are times you go back – it's such a weird phenomenon where you can be like this is cool right now. And you know it will look stupid in like five minutes. And then – but then in 20 years it will look cool again. I mean that's why it's silly to ever say like I can't believe like why are you wearing that. It's like at some point like baggy pants are going to be cool again. People are going to be wearing JNCOs, and they'll be like, oh, tight pants.

They were tapered. They were slim fit. It's like, just know in the moment that you'll look like an asshole in the future. But he, everything about him, and I think he, he is good at being it, too. Like, especially in the early seasons, when Michael's, like's making him show up to the office with a fucking breakfast sandwich. Yeah. And they go back to nap in his car. He does it.

Yeah. And it's just like I also get to be like, I am above you. I would have every fictional character. I just want to be able to say I'm above you. I'm more person than you are. I thought we were going with the other side of John. The like, I don't deserve a butler. I don't deserve help. Like, just leave me in the, like, I don't deserve a butler. I don't deserve help.

Like, just leave me in my own filth and don't, you know. Yeah, but if this wasn't a question, yeah, I do not deserve a butler. I deserve to lay in that stupid homeless person's bed. But the – That's his fault. So you just want to pick – so then you almost shouldn't pick – like you should pick a gazelle and belittle him. No, no, no. Because then –

I have too much reverence for them. But like keeping a little guy down isn't going to make you feel as powerful as keeping a powerful guy down. No, I prefer to keep a little guy down for sure. Definitely. All right. So that's not even a question. That's not even a question. You'd end up being Brad's butler.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go get me that. Never mind. I'll get it for you. Want ice cubes too? Yeah, that's for sure what would happen. I know where I stand. I know my station in life.

It is not amongst the plains with the gazelles. It is with the lowly man, the lowly temp. And I'd just like to be – You ain't the lionelles. No. It is with the lowly man, the lowly temp. And I'd just like to be... You ain't the lion either. You're like, you know, you're like the shitty fucking... I just, I long to be king of the temps. That's all... That's the high, that's my

glass ceiling. And I know it. And I'd just like to be squished up against it. I don't want to burst through. I don't want to break through it. I just want to be right at the tip of that thing. I'm at the top down here, you little bitches. I'm living large. Yeah. I want to be at the bottom of the pyramid, but at the highest rung of the pyramid.

I'm really happy that was your answer because that was now a good segment, much better than me just saying a butler's name. I'm happy that you're a fucking lunatic because it saved that voicemail. By the way, the gazelle talk really resonated with people. I think John Mayer's a gazelle. Yeah, but with people. I think John Mayer's a gazelle. Yeah, but he also – I think you had a good point with it. He's too accessible kind of.

He's too in the mix. The gazelle, I do have the air. They have the air of, like, you can't get at me. That's why – it's like a scarcity thing. It's like you don't hear from them often. You don't know what they're thinking. We know what John Mayer is doing and thinking at all times. Yeah, motherfucker was on IG Live all the time. Right, but it's funny when he't hear from them often you don't know what they're thinking right we know what john mayer is doing and thinking at all times yeah motherfucker was on ig live all

the time right but it's funny when he does it but he's very funny yeah but there is i think that it's one of those things where it's weird it's with how celebrities act nowadays where it i feel like the old version of celebrity was always just like pretty unattainable right like yeah you might bump into you might see him at a bar like a famous hollywood bar but you wouldn't go talk to him but like they're there there's an aura around them and i think there are a few of those old celebrities left yes because now you can get celebrity by being normal yes so it's like you're either completely unattainable you're on or you're you're an astronaut who's been to a world we've never we'll never go to yeah or you're just one of us right who happen to be popular a little yeah there's really no more in between with right

where it's either i agree you're either one of those guys like i be popular. A little bit more money. There's really no more in between with it. I agree. You're either one of those guys. I could see them hating. Like if there's a gazelle meetup, they go to the gazelle bar. I could see Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, George Clooney, and they're sitting at a dark bar sipping whiskey neat, and John Mayer comes in and he's going IG Live, and they're like, ah, fucking John's on his fucking Instagram.

Would you put that away, dude? that's there's too much of a of a of a gap there but everything take that out all the other shit he's like the women the money the the the skill like he's like probably the best guitarists out there the tabloid yeah he was i mean he is not he doesn't tabloid much anymore i think it's because girlfriends and tabloids were up there tabloid is only for that rare air rare. Right. Right. If he's, like, just posting shit on fucking Instagram and commenting on Instagram, it's like, it's not like, well, here's what John Mayer's been doing. Right. There's John Mayer.

You gotta keep it a little more behind the curtain if you want to be a gazelle. Last voicemail before we get into Frankie Borrelli. What do we got? KFC fights BC. Just listened to the episode with the hyenas guys a lot of jerk off talk just had a little story in question so I was probably

10 or 11 just found out what jerking off was I was fucking everything bars of soap fucking lotion anything I don't fucking know well my dick started burning and it got to a point where I had to... My 10-year-old self had to tell my mom, and she brought me to the doctor.

And the doctor asked me, you know, some questions, and then pulled down my pants and just looked at this probably three-inch just raw, beaten dick and asked me if I had masturbated and i just lied right to this doctor's face telling her no i don't even know what that is and you know she had to have known i was lying so i just want to know what is when you were a kid what was the thing that you just absolutely lied about that your parents or a doctor had to know. Boy, to land on what was your biggest lie as a child, to start with, I fucked bars of soap.

I'm still thinking about that. I wonder if you sandwiched it together? You fucked two bars of soap? How do you fuck one bar of soap? Kevin. How do you fuck a bar of soap? You put a hole in it. Oh, wow. Jesus Christ. Glory hole. You get like a, you're starting a fire in the woods with a pencil.

You just keep going around and around. Whittling it down. And then you just fuck it. Oh, my God. Listen, I'll try anything. I cannot imagine that. That voicemail really – you're not doing that at 10, are you, by the way? I was like 12, wasn't I?

I would guess. I forget. Seventh grade, I think. I mean, I do remember that first day. No, I guess I was probably 10th. I was probably 10 in sixth grade. No. Sixth grade. No, you're like 12. No. Yeah. I was like 12 in sixth grade. No, I guess I was probably 10th. I was probably 10th in 6th grade. No. 6th grade.

No, you're like 12th. No. Yeah. No. I was like 12th in 6th grade. No, not me. I mean, you went to like Hogwarts. Normal people are...

No, this is public school. 8th grade is like 14th, 7th grade is 13th, 6th grade is 12th. I turned 18 before going to college. The summer... I turned 18 like a week before I moved into college. So therefore, high school is four years. That means I was 14. I mean, I turned 14 before that.

So I was 10, 11, depending on what time. All right. Well, I do remember having a – No, so I was 13. So yeah, I was 10. I was 10 years old in eighth grade. No, first of all, you just said eighth grade. I'm sorry, 10 years old in 8th grade. No, you... First of all, you just said 8th grade. Now we're talking about 6th grade.

I'm sorry, 10 years old in 6th grade. I don't think you were. I'm pretty sure I was. I was 11 max. Yeah, I think you can be like 11 or 12. I think 10 would be weird. I feel like you almost have to like skip a grade to be in 10. Smart as fuck.

So that would check out. Because I feel like first grade is like six, right? So in fourth grade you should be ten. There's no way I was ten years old. But you've always admitted that you were terrible with ages in school grades. Yeah. Also, I was extremely young. I was always like the young kid in school.

All right. Well, that's okay. So were you the youngest kid to jerk off? Do you remember jerking off young? I was also very cool. So, yeah, I hung out with the eighth graders. All right. So that makes sense.

You were doing eighth grade. You were doing 14-year-old things when you were like 12 or 10, whatever. I remember that first day beating my meat like fucking Tyson in his prime. And then it was like – it was oddly misshapes. And I remember being like, oh, I broke it. I broke it. I remember being like, I think it I broke it I remember being like I think I have to go like tell mom but I didn't because I would wait for my dick to fall

off before I went to my mom I'd cut it off before I told her anything that's the moral of the story here you know it's almost like better to ask for forgiveness than permission sort of thing like better to like like have your mom help you reattach your dick in when you

when you pushed it to the very fucking end than go admit to her that you were jerking off all day long on a bar of soap. There are so many times where the option to die is just easier. Yes. And that is. That's one. That's one. If you jerk off too much when you're 10, kill yourself.

There's the – I was telling the story. I think I told it on when I like I willingly died I was like I was getting surgery and I was just like it was easier to just die than it was to tell the truth

and I was just like I'll just die like whatever and it was they were asking me what medication I was on and what drugs I'd done because it would fuck with the

amnesia and it didn't feel like telling them about drugs so I just didn't feel like telling them about drugs. So I just didn't. And they're like, we have your blood work. We know. When did you do drugs?

I was like, two weeks ago. And they're like, are you sure? And I had done it like two days earlier. And I was like, yeah, it was two weeks ago. They're like, it's going to fuck with the amnesia. Yeah, you're going to die. And I was like, yeah, it was two weeks ago, man. I'm in this lie.

I'm just going to die. Before you get me to confess i'll die and like like i keep not confessing i can't it's just telling a doctor what you had in your body so the anesthesia doesn't kill you i can truly say i would die to protect the lie because i did it well i just i never told them the truth we did this i was just like i'm either gonna wake up or i'm not we did this episode out of order when we get into it with frankie borelli in a minute we talk about lying and you you have stayed true to your form i'm i'm a fucking ride or die motherfucker for for me or for anybody i'll i'll fuck it and i'm such a ride or die because when you tell me your secrets i'm probably not listening but so that's why i mean i'm a disinterested writer. But I'll keep them to myself, too.

I'll fucking die on the fucking table. I'll just do it. I'll fucking die on the table, Kevin. That was an interrogation by an authority figure. It was just a doctor being like, hey, I don't want to hurt you. And you were like, not telling. Kill me. Not confessing

like sir we are not helping you like you won't get in trouble don't give a shit fucking give me whatever you give to someone without drugs in their system absolute lunatic you are the craziest person i know that That is saying quite a bit. Let's talk to another low-key, under-the-radar, craziest person at Barstool. Frankie Borelli is on the program. This just disaster of a segment coming up with Frankie is brought to you by HelloFresh. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, this is what you've been eating? This is my shit.

Yeah, this is why you're going to be all tan when you get your spray tan. Yeah! Dude, I've been crushing HelloFresh. You. Yeah, this is why you're going to be all tan when you get your spray tan. Yeah! Woo! Dude, I've been crushing HelloFresh. You know what I had for dinner last night? Pork bibimbap. What? I whipped that bitch up.

It is pork bibimbap. Pork bibimbap. It's got some jasmine rice. It's got, you make your own sauces with it. It's spicy as a motherfucker. Bibimbap. Is it like Cajun? I think it's a Thai. Thai.

Bibimbap. Bibimbap. Bibimbap. It was, I did make the mistake. I will confess to one thing. This weekend I was cooking – what was it? It was a jam chicken with couscous, the food's so nice they named it twice. And let me tell you what.

Cooking couscous is hard. Yeah, it's like cooking grains of sand, right? It's like this for 30 seconds, this for a minute. I was in that kitchen whipping bitch. But I'll tell you what, I am like the fucking flames flying up and you're rattling the pans. I am just loving HelloFresh. Yeah? I find it relaxing to cook.

It's delicious. I'm actually a great cook as it turns out. Who knew? And it's, well, I'm sure I'm probably awful, but it's so easily laid out that it was – I can't speak highly enough about HelloFresh. It's so much – There's your problem. It's so much faster. It takes 20 minutes to cook.

It's two nights of food because they come in servings of two, and I am a loner. I'm surprised you don't just crush the whole thing in one shot. It must be a decent-sized portion. It's not necessary. The – I was just saying it's big portions. The – Portions for a, it's big portions. Big portions for a big boy, you know?

And it's a full week of food. It's so much – this is one of those things where it's like when I tell this to my mom, she's like, I know. You idiot. I'm like, Mom, it's like 50 bucks for the week. That's what I spend on one night of food. It's 50 bucks for the week. It's unbelievable.

Oh, hello, Fresh. I love you. I love you. I love you. Send me some free boxes, please. Go to HelloFresh. You know how much I have to like something to pay for it? I pay to advertise for this company. This is the businessman, John, coming out. I personally pay to advertise for HelloFresh.

Can I talk about your show? I'll Venmo you right now. Let me talk about HelloFresh. That's nuts, but it's that good. I'm not even upset about it. I pay to advertise for this company. How good does 10 free meals sound? 10 free meals is great. That's nuts, but it's that good. I'm not even upset about it. I pay to advertise for this company. How good does 10 free meals sound? 10 free meals is great.

That's a month of food. HelloFresh.com. That's 20 dinners if you're eating alone. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. That's a free month of eating dinner. Free month of dinner on HelloFresh right now if you're solo. When you go to HelloFresh.com slash kfc10 get some jam chicken boom bop

no no pork beef bop pork boom bop pork beef bop i have i it's like i cooked it last night so i gotta slow down are we saying b boom boom bop b-i-b-i-m-b-a-p i didn't i just't spell it. Be-beam-bop? Yes. Be-beam-bop. It sounds like a noise that a Star Wars droid would make. Be-beam-bop. HelloFresh.com slash KFC10. Let's talk to Frankie Borelli. All right. We are welcoming Frankie Borelli back to the program. I said this the other day on CCK.

I think it was. I was like, we got to get Frankie back in here because every time – he's like our best guest. Frankie was one of our more stunning guests ever. Well, he came in at a time where he was just like the pizza boy, and then it turned out to be like the deviant. Some dark shit always comes out of these mics whenever I come in this room. I mean, to paint the picture, the row is me, BC, YP, Frankie, and John's on the other side of that row.

So we're always kind of pow-wowing, and Frankie will just like – Oh, you mean – I didn't know what row you were talking about. You mean in the office. Yeah, where we sit. Yeah, sorry. Our desk's up our stool. We're all in the same section, and we're always just bullshitting and bantering, like normal, almost like usual KFC radio type shit.

But Frankie will always just pop up and say some shit that's like – Like yesterday, the other day, he was confused in this one, but he goes like, so what, you just fill up the sink with lukewarm water and put your dick in it? And everyone's like, what? We had a conversation about if you wash your hands before, after, or even at all after you go to the bathroom. And then at the same time of that conversation,

Fights had said that he will sometimes just stick his dick in the toilet. In the sink. In the toilet. In the sink. As if you could reach inside the toilet. And then as the same time he said that about the sink, KFC was talking about, like, oh, we should actually wash our dicks. Like, give them baths and stuff.

And I'm like, you stick your dick in the sink? It was a very funny thing. I said you should wash your dick instead of your hands, which makes sense if you think of it because your hands are already dirty and that's what you're dirtying up is your dick. He's talking about laying it on the sink. It all comes together, and I just have this picture of John like fucking just putting his piece, tipping it in. The other day I had a real messed up one. Oh, we were talking about – it started with – okay, so we were talking about it. It started with. Okay.

So we were talking about porn stars, obviously. And 90% someone was talking about getting no porn stars and how it kind of ruins. But yeah, a little bit like I don't really like I don't see got a Bella anymore. And then someone was like, yeah, I can't watch dead porn stars.

And I was like, well, I can watch dead porn stars. And for me, I can watch them if they die during the scene and that one got a couple looks yeah i got a good laugh on it i usually know when and there was one like maybe like in recent months where you did it where ellie was like appalled do you remember that whenever she turns around is when i know like alright, we crossed the line. Let's calm down.

I fucking wish I could remember that one. I think it was an aggressive blowjob comment or something like that. You say some messed up shit around there. Yeah, but guess what? It's all fair because yesterday Liz asked me the grossest questions I've ever been asked in a bar. Disgusting. Liz said to John Feidelberg, John, do you taste

yourself? I mean, that's asked to me. That means I can ask whatever the fuck I want. Seriously. Do you ever taste yourself? Ask me if I eat my own cum. Don't ask me if I taste myself. It's so much less gross to ask me if I eat my own cum.

There was a slight hint of context where it made sense because we were doing Lower in the Bar and we were drinking this thick liquid that basically was like cum. So it wasn't like she asked that out of nowhere. Yeah, it was awful. I almost threw up because when I swallowed it, I swallowed it wrong because it was thick. So I was just like coughing and gagging. I almost threw up. You just threw up out of grossness, right?

Yeah, it never got past my teeth. It was just like the moment it got in my mouth. It was like immediate, absolute. It was like putting a Ment it got in my mouth. It was like immediate, absolute. It was like putting a Mentos in a Coke bottle. The Coke bottle was in my mouth. Rejected. That was the Mentos. It just came out.

The biggest thing for me is the mental part where I was like, I thought of it as like a dog drool or something. As I'm drinking, I'm like, this is dog shit. Yeah, that was the consistency. Yeah. That was really disgusting. All right. So the real reason Frankie's on here is he just concluded one of my favorite sagas that's all been behind the scenes so that's why like now that it's concluded we can talk about it but frankie has been keeping up a lie for like since the summer

all right like yeah like months right yeah it was i was confused like memorial day and labor day i guess it was memorial day oh my god memorial day so we're talking like six seven months by now yeah so i'm a psycho islander fan obviously like i don't know if anyone knows me they know that my connection to the islanders always has been by the by let me just interrupt really quick i i learned of your lie to nate the other day i don't i just don't want to go to the game i mean yeah that was tough you're the worst liar and this this this you'll learn in part of this saga. He's about to tell Frank. He's the worst liar in the world.

No, it's really tough. I just can't do it. Like there's there's something about like, I don't know. The neat thing rattled me because you look right in the eye goes. Are we going to the game on Saturday? I said, I don't want to go anymore. I mean, I panic all the time. Yeah, but I like the Bruins. I could have just said I already have such a bad panic. I panic all the time. Yeah. I like the Bruins now. I could have just said I already have tickets.

That's such a bad panic. Yeah. Like, that would be like if I was just like, I don't have kids. No, I don't know what you're talking about. Like a blatant lie that the whole world knows that you can't even wiggle your way out of. And at the end, I took him to the game and the Capitals scored four goals in the third period and just like smacked me around the asshole right in front of Nate's. Just right in my eyeball. Just never seen anything the asshole right in front of Nate's. Just right

in my eyeball. Just never seen anything like it. Losing to Nate's tough. Was he all... I imagine he was racist either. He was good about it. Because one of the comments that I made the last time I took Nate was that he was smacking the boards with the back of his hands. Yeah, he was terrible, right? It was crazy.

But look at the motion. Yeah, it was crazy. But, yeah, so, you know, ever since I started working at Barstool, you get more and more, like, closer to, like, the teams that you like, right? Like, you with the Mets and the Bruins and the Red Sox, whatever. And with the Islanders, like, I've gotten some more relationships with these guys. So I was lucky enough to meet Devon Taves, who is one of the rookie D-men. And, you know, we met at a dinner and then with a couple

of the guys and then like we shared interests where he's like a barstool guy um huge golfer so riggs and i were going out to seattle for memorial day and we were going to go golf this place chambers bay in tacoma washington and i texted taves i'm like hey come out and meet us like he's only an hour away he's in bc um so he's like yeah yeah we'll do it i'm like it's all expenses paid like the whole thing like you don't have to worry about so he was like super grateful for it and he's still like a rookie younger than me which is always like fucked up right now for me where it's like these guys are like two years three years younger than me that the first time you have that moment it's like i'm like rooting for this guy in sports and

he's like that much younger than me um anyway we do the whole weekend um and it's our last night there we played like three golf courses stayed at nice hotels the whole thing so he comes he texts me he goes i have uh a gift for you what what where's your hotel room like what number are you and it was like our last night there um we were getting ready to go to dinner so he like knocks on my door i open it up and like he has two bottles of wine in his hand and and like we had talked about this is like this is where the lie started. When you're talking to someone from your favorite team, especially when you're as obsessive as I am, I will agree to anything.

He was into the craziest shit. I'd be like, oh, yeah, bro. I do that all the time. I skydive too, man. Yeah, whatever. We talked about wine one time where he's like, you're a big wine guy. I'm like, the big guy. I'm like, I'm a fucking alcoholic are you kidding

me i drink every night so he's like oh man like i fucking love wine like do you go to this liquor store i'm like of course bro like so so he comes up to my room with these two bottles of wine he's like i want to give this to you and your girl like you guys have to like like share like he's like enjoy it he's like um this is actually from like a family estate one in british columbia like you can't buy this online like i've never had it before of course of course the most unattainable bottle in the world yeah it's like not the craziest bottle but it's like he's just like oh i really like want to know how this is he's like enjoy it whatever now my dilemma was that we were leaving the next morning at like 3 a.m for like a five o'clock in the morning flight to go to boston for the stan Finals. And then we were flying from Boston.

So we were going from Seattle to Boston, from Boston to St. Louis, St. Louis to Boston. And I had this little bag on me and a golf bag. I'm like, how am I bringing two bottles of wine with me across the country? And you got to check that, right? Yeah, check it. I only had carry-on stuff. I'm like, I probably could have put it in my golf bag. But at that point, do I want to ruin my golf bag if it explodes?

That just ruins everything in there. So I panicked, and I just left the bottles of wine there. And I'm like, I'll never hear about this again. I'll just say the wine was fine. First of all, when will you ever ask me? You get a gift, it's over. Yeah. The part, you're an idiot for what you're about to hear, but this guy is – he's a little bit weird with this.

But he just genuinely wanted to know how it tasted, which I'll give him that point. But he – so the Stanley Cup finals go, whatever, and I get back home, and I start getting text messages being like, how's that wine? And I'm like – so – Which he's probably like – he probably saw a pizza review and was like, oh, Frankie. Let me see what's up, Frankie. Hey, man, how's that wine? I think it was like, hey, man, just want to thank you again for the trip. What a great time.

Fucking great times. I can't wait to hear about that wine. And I'm like – That is a little weird, though. I can't wait for your reaction. So I messaged him back being like, yeah, man, amazing trip. That was awesome. I can't wait to crush the wine.

And from then on, I am now in possession. I've been itching just to drink this wine. From now on, I'm now in possession of the wine for the next six months, right? Once I sent that text, it was over. I am now in possession. Now the part that I didn't know was going to happen was that every week or two, I'd get a message about the wine to the point where I didn't know how to keep up with it. He was drowning.

There's a point where he's like, Oh, like what are you doing? I'm like, Oh, we're going to see toy story. And he's like, perfect,

perfect night to come back and crush some wine. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, yeah, man, like absolutely. And then he'd be like,

how the next day he'd be like, how was that? Like, you know what? It actually got like lost in transit from the time. My mom had it at her house. And so it's still at her house. I thought that she was bringing it to my car when I got picked up from the train station.

But it's still at my house. The next time I met, dude, it was so descriptive. I had all these step-by-step plans. And it went on for months, man, to the point where I was talking in the office being like, how am I going to get over this? We were always brainstorming. Okay, so he's like, you have to be like, oh, I had the bottle of wine and he's gonna be like which one and then you say like oh i can't remember was it this one and then he'd be like no the other one yeah like both names

so i remember there was you knew like you knew the name of one bottle but not the other and you didn't want to get caught up in that lie so i was gonna say like oh you know like i enjoyed the cabernet and he said well it was actually you know whatever it was i remember giving could have gotten it out of him there was i actually had a moment where I rattled myself. I gave Frankie a lie that Trent, YP, and Frankie, like, stopped in their tracks, and they were like, you're good at this. That was, like, a lot. That was an intricate lying, and I was like, that was so easy.

That was light work, man. We were so into the saga because it happened, like, once every, it popped up every once every couple weeks. I loved Frankie Wine Islander update. Dude, I'd be sitting at my desk. I mean, this guy was bizarrely like, so, so, so, so. Yeah. Who fucking cares?

I'd sit at my desk and I'd be like, fucking wine again. Like, I can't – but the craziest thing – He asked so often that Frankie thought he – Frankie thought like the maid at the hotel had told him, I have this wine. Yes. It was a genuine thought. And he was just tormenting Frankie to get it out of him didn't other players get involved at one yes i started like texting guys be like dude i don't have the wine why like ask him why he keeps asking me about like i need i don't have the wine anymore and they're like you

have to tell him so finally i bring him to borelli's one day and i'm and i'm sitting down and it was a couple people so we're all sitting around enjoying a meal and he i he sees me start smirking and he's like what's going on i'm like i'm like trying to like not say it and i'm like dude i just gotta tell you something like i haven't had that wine for the last six months that is like the most ridiculous moment of your life he's looking back at messages and he's like are you kidding me what do you mean you haven't said you enjoyed it like you said then you drank it you drank the wine i was like it's still enjoyed it. He said, you drank it. You drank the wine. I was like, it's still at the hotel.

It's gone. It's never been. I don't even know what the name is, bro. Never even looked at it. Had it. One second it was in my possession. So he actually. So fast forward a couple weeks or whatever, a month, and I'm at a game.

And he texts me. He goes, my dad has a surprise for you or something like that. Go see him. So I go over to the family area after the game and the dad's like, oh, yeah, like Devon had me pick up something back in B.C. I'm like, oh, man. Here we go. So he actually didn't have anything. I thought it was going to happen at the game.

The next day I pick up, Devon's like, oh, let's go get some lunch or whatever. So we go and get lunch and he comes out and he has this box. I'm like, oh my God, here we go. And he brings out two more bottles of wine. It's the two bottles. And he starts laughing. He's like, what, you're going to lose these now too? Like whatever.

So it was like a funny ending to it. But then that was happening on Long Island. I went to the city that next day and I brought all stuff from the Christmas break back to the city that next day, and I brought all stuff from the Christmas break back to the city, and somehow, someway, the box of wine didn't travel with me from the car to my apartment, and I thought I lost it again. There was an absolute panic. He was panic-stricken.

I'm like, guys, he gave me the wine again, and I don't know where it is. It's not in my apartment. So I'm like, all right. I called my mom. But he got up from his desk and walked away. You know that hot feeling that goes right up your spine? I'm like, I called my mom But he got up from his desk And walked away You know that hot feeling That goes right up your spine And into your neck

I'm like I don't have the wine anymore So I told my mom No you know what was real bad You were like mom Going to the back of the car Yeah I'm like I know where it is It's in the back seat

And then his mom said no So I'm like mom There is a box of wine In the back seat Go look for it right now She goes in the back She goes no there's not I said no

That's when you went And I got real I'm like what the fuck do you mean'm like, what the fuck do you mean? I'm like, what the fuck do you mean? There's not a box of wine. So I'm like, you need to go look for this. Or I'm booking you, mom, a flight to fucking British Columbia. And you're going to go to this family estate goddamn winery.

And you're going to buy all the fucking wine in the world. Get thousands of bottles. So it turns out that, like that like by coincidence my dad cleaned out the car and put it in some corner of my room the same day that i asked my mom to go look for it where i knew i left it so that gave me a mini heart attack so the end of the saga is the other day i took a picture i'm laying in bed you know we're watching something we're watching like the two popes which i don't know if you've seen that yeah i haven't seen it yet but pretty good yeah um and i sent him a picture of us clanging the bottles in bed, and I'm like, great wine.

No, not even. You showed him. Oh, the glasses. The glasses. Then the actual proof of the wine never made it. You could have sent the same picture six months ago. And we didn't even talk about which one it was. So the whole nine months of lying and the runaround,

I could have just sent him a glass of wine and been like, this is great. And he would have been like, awesome, man. You probably could have said, wine was great. He was just like, glad you guys enjoyed. That was the end of it. I am 1,000% with Frankie. I would have that same panic attack. I would keep that lie going.

I would try and get away. Because it was like, once you're in it, you're in it. Yeah. Come out and be like, the moment you said, the moment you said I have that wine, I now have that wine. Because then if you immediately correct yourself, you look like a psychopath. Yes. You're like, actually, no, man. That was a complete lie.

I don't have it anymore. I left it in the fucking place. I can't imagine the scene when you, if you confess, you were saying like, I gotta tell you, I haven't had this for six months. It was bad. It was really bad.

Were people laughing or were they like, what the fuck? Well, everyone with us knew that I had lied. Yeah, so it was finally like.

He was the only one nodding on the joke. So it was all, it was like, we sat him down. We're like, hey man, I gotta tell you something.

He's like, what's going on right now? And then he goes through the messages. Just like being like, he's just like. You gave details about where your mom was picking you up from the train station and shit. He said at one point he realized like there's something going on. Something weird.

Okay. I would hope. It was six months of like I haven't had a chance to have a glass of wine yet. Yeah, it was like – It wasn't his crazy thing. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I would maintain that his like interest in this is almost the weirdest part.

I know because, like, if I give it to someone – You would maybe text one time. But then once that one – I probably would – once I text one time, I will probably keep texting. Really? But I probably wouldn't text one time. Yeah. But I also gave the false – I gave him, the false that I was like this huge wine guy, so he wanted to know how it was and enjoy it.

He wanted to do something for me because I brought him out to the golf course. If he knew you were an idiot, he probably would have just been like, all right, dude, here you go, get drunk. No, I was just – I was a liar. And a bad one. Well, once you're in it, you're in it. I fully – I think I was the only one in the office, but I fully side with Frankie. I would do that.

I would stand with the solarium. I would be like, oh, let's go. We're in this. Let's see how – I don't – office, but I fully side with Frankie. I would do that. It was just dancing with the solarium. I'd be like, oh, let's go. We're in this. Let's see how – I'll die with it. I don't mind. My only difference with Frankie is I probably never would have told him the first time. Yeah.

I never would have gotten the wine. For years, I would have just done it. But wouldn't you just say the wine was great? No, because I – What if he comes in with a question being like which one is it like right right then you're like but that's but okay so let's play it out wine was great he says to me uh did you you know did you like the buttery tannins or the long nose of the merlot and you can be like oh i mean i'm not that deep i just you know i like i like to drink with my girl but

i don't know but it's easy saying that from this side of the fence. That's really fucking easy to do. I don't think I would have worried about that, but if I had, I would have lied. So if I had Frankie's brain, I would have lied. We're not talking about getting interrogated in the Pentagon. If a guy says, how was the wine? You say good, and he follows up with something you don't know, you can just be like, or you can just be like, agreed.

In hindsight, if I knew that all I had to do was send him a glass of wine and be like, this is good, and it would have ended, I would have done that seven months ago. But you know what? I kept saying all these things, like the wine was on a train. It was on a plane, train, automobile. It really was. It was crazy the stuff I was saying.

It went from a plane to a train to your car. It saw it all, man. The night we went to Toy Story, I was like, I think I got a kernel stuck in my tooth. I don't feel like enjoying it tonight or something like that. It was crazy, bro. I got so deep into it. I'm like, I think I got a kernel stuck in my tooth. I don't feel like enjoying it tonight or something like that. It was like crazy. I was like, I got so deep into it. I'm like, man, my teeth hurt. I really want to wait.

I got a kernel stuck in my tooth. My teeth hurt too much to drink your fancy wine. I was like, man, you'll never believe this. One of the chances, huh? I mean, that is a Curb episode. It really is. The extra layer of having it, thinking it was lost a second time is brilliant. It's unbelievable. You couldn't even script it.

You are the worst liar in the world and maybe the biggest idiot I know. I disagree. I think you're a great liar because you got away with it. He was never caught. Frank turned himself in at one point. I did turn myself in. But he was never caught. Yeah, I guess.

But if you crack under the pressure or you have to confess, you're not a great liar. I disagree. I think he was not caught lying. The greatest liars confess? Listen, if I'm a killer and I turn myself in, I'm the guy. Like Kevin's base in 7 was a fantastic murder, but he wanted to get caught. Right, but he's not lying. The problem with the lie is that you're like – I guess all lies are like this, but he's not lying. I mean, if the problem with the lies that you're like,

I guess all lies are like this, but you're not trying to hurt the person's feelings. Right. So like, I'm genuinely trying with good intentions. Right. I'm genuinely trying to make him like, be like,

Oh yeah. Like I got him a bottle of wine and he enjoys it. I didn't want to be like, I left it in a fucking hotel room next to a couple of rags. I left. I treated it like, you know what I mean? Like,

yeah, all my other possessions were more important than the gift. You're going to be sorry. Yeah. You can't say that, especially to a guy that like is on i treated it like you know i mean like yeah all my other possessions were more important than the gift you gave me sorry yeah you can't say that especially to a guy that like is on your favorite team that you're trying to become good boys with it's like you will do anything you can to be cool and like you know i mean yeah it is weird like when you're my buddy i fucking threw it out i didn't want it in the first place don't ever buy me wine again i'm not a wine drinker but for him it's like you like, you know? Don't ever buy me wine. It is.

When you're talking to, like, the people on your team and stuff like that, and, like, when we get to talk to celebrities like that, it is – it's very weird. I think Neil Brennan described it perfectly in his stand-up three mics, where he's, like, people who are like, oh, I don't get nervous talking to celebrities. It's like, first of all, what chance do you have? And second of all, like, yes, you do. Even if you're a celebrity, he describes it as driving next to a police officer. We're like, this is how I drive.

This is how I act like a human. This is normal. This is what I'm doing. And that's everything. I laugh so hard. I'm like, oh, you're not that fucking funny, dude. Yeah, yeah. It's just easier to agree and laugh at your jokes.

And I feel like if you don't do those things, you're a fucking asshole. Just fucking make small talk. Laugh at jokes agree with them you don't have to fight them at every turn i'm only gonna you're only gonna be here for 20 minutes let's just get along that's it's too i don't even mean so much on the show i just mean like in general yeah even when you just when you meet them it's just like you will i'm not saying your heart's gonna race you're gonna sweat and fucking make a person you know you person you know, you know who you are. You're going to be like, whoa, okay, what do I say now? You're definitely going to plan it out a little more or whatever. You're not going to be natural.

Dude, I don't know why this just hit my brain. It's something about being around you guys. Did I ever tell you guys about the time my friend bled all over my room? Did I talk about this on here? No. It's happened pretty recently. Dude. Do tell.

Dude, I don't know why this hit me so hard. So one day I'm sitting in my room and I'm laying down and like – and all my friends went out to drink one night and I didn't go out with them. And I came back and like everyone was like – we heard that one of my roommates – I live with three of my best friends, four of us. And they're like one of my friends got absolutely blacked out drunk and the other kids they're all in their rooms and like we hadn't heard from one of the like the kids in a while he was in his room just absolutely

blacked out we didn't even know if he was alive and i remember like walking around my room and like i was i was on i was in my bed looking at my and like i turned over i looked at my pillow and there was like blood on my pillow and then like i didn't even think of anything of it. I may have been drunk, too. Like a spatter or, like, a pool of blood. Yeah, it was, like, spatter or whatever. So the next morning. Just that right there to be like, I don't know, there's blood on my pillow. That, to me, is, like, I remember those days.

Yeah, there was four of us. It was me and my three best friends. And I remember, like, if I saw, like, a pinky on the floor, I'd be like, I don't know, shit got crazy last night. Yeah, just poo-poo blood on your pillow. I'll still find blood on my sheets and just be like, whatever don't know, shit got crazy last night. Yeah. Just poo-poo blood on your pillow? Yeah, still very much. I'll still find blood on my sheets

and just be like, whatever. Yeah, I was just like, whatever. Anyway, the next morning I wake up and it was like a TV show where we were trying

to see what happened because I remember walking around my room and walking around the apartment and there was fingerprints and there was like, and then in my room

I'm like, what actually happened? Blood. Fingerprints of blood and there was like a handprint of blood going into the bathroom then the bathroom was filled with blood we're like what happened i said my one friend is still not coming out of the room and we're like he's dead in there he got murdered i'm like why is it in my room i would really think at that point by the way that someone was dead so oh oh my god i'm like messing up the story oh my god i'm

messing up the story you can retell it it's not live don't worry so there was blood in my room and i remember saying like why is there blood in my room and everyone was like it must have been you and i'm like it can't be me there's fingerprints on the wall and this was like a week this is like weeks ago yeah this is the story i can't believe i'm fucking this up i was like why is there blood in my room there's blood on my fucking? There's blood on my fucking pillow. There's blood on my walls. Someone came into my room and murdered someone or something. And I wasn't here because I was away.

That's what happened. I was away from work. And I'm like, I came back and there's blood on my pillows. And I freaked out. Yes, that's what happened. So that night that I freaked out, they all got blacked out. And it just so happened that this kid died. And there was blood.

So the next morning we wake up and there's blood in the in the in there's blood in the sink there's blood on the walls and blood on the floor and i'm like it's happening again because that night that i complained they said it was none of us it was you frankie it must have been you you must have got a bloody nose or something i'm like no i swear to god i don't bleed so how much time went by between your blood all right the next day like i, I found the blood, and I argued with them that night. They're like, no chance. It was no one. Like, it was you.

The next day, there was blood in the bathroom, blood on the floors, and then we're waiting for this kid to wake up, and I'm screaming. I'm like, it's him. He bled on my sheets. He bled on my walls. I don't know what he's been doing, but he, like, ruined my fucking room. And what do you know? Two hours later, he finally wakes up from his death,

and he walks out, and he's got blood all over his mouth. He's got blood on his fucking shirt, on his fucking underwear. I'm like, what did you do? And what did you do in my room two weeks ago? Like, what'd you do? Yeah, like he's a chronic. He's a chronic bleeder. Like, it's crazy.

And he's like walking into the bathroom all disheveled. I'm like, what the? And I'm looking at him as he walks by. I'm like, what the fuck did you do in my room Did you kill someone Am I fucking going to jail for the rest of my life Turns out this kid gets like the worst bloody noses And like slammed into something

And bleeds all over himself And my room's like the first one When you walk in Apparently he may have like crashed into my bed And just turned it into a fucking murder scene But like when I tell you that this like the coincidence that it happened where i was away for two weeks whether it was for like golf or something like we were away from australia or something and i came back and i found the blood argued with them and then the next day he had a bloody massacre all

over his body it was like it was the best like i couldn't he might not have got a bloody nose for days or weeks and then i would have thought it was me Like maybe I just One night like woke up And I just had blood All over my walls And like Maybe I'm like

Possessed by a fucking demon And I wake up I love I love the Frankie's realization Like in a Like a horror movie Like the sequel Like it's happening again

It's happening again It was horrible The And that's Living with people Is like the worst thing in the world Yeah That kind of shit is

The bloody bed reminds me Of Blackout Tour where we had. Oh, fuck. We had. So I took this girl home on Blackout Tour. We didn't even fuck. We just slept in the hotel bed. And I woke up.

It's probably one of the worst hangovers I've ever had. And it was at a stage of the Blackout Tour. We didn't have like a bus or anything like that. And I happened to have my own car. And we didn't have a show the next night. So I called the other guys. I'm like, look, you guys, I have my car with and we didn't have a show the next night. So I called, I called like the other guys. I'm like, look,

you guys, I have my car with me. We were going to Ohio next. We're in DC. And I called them and I woke up in a bloody bed. Like it was like, that's a horror movie. It was like,

that's time for a change. It was like, uh, like, like horse head type stuff. Ah, ah, no,

everywhere. It's so gross. She had her period in the bed. Like, and she wasn't wearing a tampon. Yeah. She was gone. Yeah, ah! It was just blood everywhere. That's so gross. She just had her period in the bed. And she wasn't wearing a tampon? Yeah, she was gone. To this day, no idea who it was. I mean, if I wake up and I see I'm out too. So I call them, and I'm like, guys, go to Ohio.

I will drive myself. I'll meet you guys there the next day. I got to just get my life together. Are you thinking the worst? Are you thinking you killed someone? Were you blackout? No, because it was all in the area of someone having their period without a tampon in. And so I put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door.

I shower. And I'm just so hungover. So I just get back in the other bed. I had two beds. And I get in the other bed, but it was like a nice hotel in D.C. It gets so much better. And I was like, I didn't want to go out. I didn't want to order food.

I didn't want anyone to come in. So I go into the, like, mini fridge. And I was, like, I'm just, like, picking out, watching a movie, eating candy, whatever. And I end up passing out again. Just, like, I wasn't even hungover that day. I was still just shit the whole day. Yeah. And I pass out in bed with, like, a bunch of candy.

And so I wake up in that bed, and it's just brown shit. Everywhere. I just, like, fell in torment. ass out in bed with like a bunch of candy and so i wake up in that bed and it's just brown shit i just like fell asleep on it it all just melted and so when i left that hotel the next day i had to leave both i like i took the i took the comforters off both beds i didn't want it to be a surprise right like get down the open it back of the open. Pull it back. Like, I wanted her to know what she was walking into the moment she walked in the door. So I had both comforters on the floor. And then I had...

These are my mistakes. I had notes next to each one. I had not a murder, a period, on the fucking blood one. And I had not pooped on the other one. And then, like,

a massive tip on the fucking bed stand. Which is what a murderer and someone who poops his pants would do. This is not a murderer. I actually didn't shit my pants after it. It's just Snickers and menstrual blood. It was like the entire drive from D.C. to Ohio

alone. Holy shit. Silence. Just like, you gotta get it done. That's enough. You've gotta clean this up i picture the maid like like without those just like lifting up the poop one and being like oh and then like turning around and just fainting like what happened here what happened what you need is the next person who comes in and there's a fucking fainted maid shit what happened here the murderer kills people and takes a shit.

That's his move. He takes a shit on the sheets and just smears them with bandits. Just every time he's got one on deck, he's like, I gotta go murder somebody.

I gotta be able to leave my calling. I got a big one on deck. I'm gonna murder a couple tonight. Double shit. But anyway, yeah, waking up in a bed of blood is terrifying. Your boy got under control, man.

Oh, yeah. No, it's a problem. I had a friend barge into my room once. It was my wife at the time, her friend. So she had her friends in from Boston. I had just had one of my, like, thousand surgeries. So I was home, laid up, and they all went out went out and he came home and he was blacked out and he fell through our glass oh like you know one of those wood ones with the glass you know and he was in a foreign apartment like he's in my place not his it's dark and he's fucking shit-faced obviously

so he's stumbling around my apartment trying to find the bathroom and and he comes into my room, and it was kind of, like, known, like, alright, like, he's recuperating, like, leave him alone, like, don't fuck with him while this weekend while you guys are blacked out. So he comes in, and I'm like, what the fuck is this? And he's like, this. It's still dark. I'm like, dude, bathroom's, like, over there, and he, like, keeps stumbling

around, and I flip the switch, and he, like, it's just a fountain pouring, and he's just, like, catching it, and it's, like, overflowing, like, dripping all over the apartment, and he, like, it's just a fountain pouring, and he's just, like, catching it. And it's, like, overflowing, like, dripping all over the apartment. And I'm, like, so now I think it was my neck maybe. I can, like, barely walk, and everyone's passed out drunk. And I got this guy, like, bleeding to death in my apartment. I gave him, like, a towel, and, like, I had to give him, like, multiple towels.

It was just, like, I was, like, you're going to bleed out, dude. It was, that was one of those moments i mean it wasn't like a living with somebody it was a guest but i was just like yeah well the most infuriating part is that kid still claims that he wasn't the one that left the blood on my on my bed and my walls i'm like you bleed all over the place you're the bleeder he he bleep i'm like the next day you're like bloody tom he's like i'm telling you i've never crashed in your bed i'm not that he goes i was never that black i've never slept in your bed he goes i i swear i'm like, I was never that black. I've never slept in your bed. He goes, I swear. I'm like, who else?

Who else is a habitual bleeder in the apartment? That's the most infuriating part. I think I would lose it. I think I'd be like, all right, well, the lease is coming up. So one of us has to leave. To this day, I cannot get him to admit that he's the one that bled in my room. Even though the next day after I found the blood, he bled all over the fucking apartment. When you phrase it that way, I'm almost like you were saying, like, I kind of respect that.

I go all in. Like, two weeks ago, I promised you that I didn't bleed on your bed. And then two weeks later, it happens. I'd be sitting there in a white shirt and boxers covered in blood being like, I don't know what happened. He was walking to the bathroom bleeding, being like, I didn't do it. I'm like, I'm screaming at him. I'm like, you're doing it right now. It's just you're not doing it on my bed.

You're doing it on the couch. I'm like, are you doing it right now. It's just you're not doing it in my bed. You're doing it on the couch. I'm like, are you not seeing what's happening here? Man. Fucking roommates, dude. All right. So what was this question? You seem to know of it. You did it on radio the other day.

I have not heard of this hypothetical yet at all. So this is fresh for me. It seems like all these debates that happen in my group chat seem to be things that fucking every guy would argue about. The first one was the people versus chairs. Are there more people in chairs? We've obviously decided that there's at least ten times more chairs than people. Minimum. And that's not including stadiums.

I'm talking stand-alone. You buy them at a goddamn store chair ten times. Anyone that thinks people should be murdered on the spot. So that one was a really good debate. The next one was who wins in a fight. And you got to think two of the same type of person, right? Like one person can't be that much stronger, whatever. Two regular people even fight a Rambo knife versus a bat, a baseball bat.

Okay. You want to know how ridiculous we do, by the way? Maybe I'm just an idiot or maybe we've just been doing too much ATI and stuff. I thought the question was going to be about trying to kill a fucking bat with a knife. Do you think you could kill a bat? When you were like, this is easier or whatever, I was like, for real? Shit, it's hard to kill a bat with a knife. That's so easy too.

No. The answer is no. That's the easy answer. Right, right, right, right. The answer here is Rambo knife. So it's a baseball bat. Wait, what did you say? Rambo knife.

Rambo knife. Yeah, I would think – well. Wait, what's his name? Rambo Knife. Rambo Knife. Yeah, I would think – well, so this is where the knife throwing came from. That's where it came from. Got it. Because I was on the knife side. You can't get to me with a knife if I have a bat. The debate is better when you have – like Captain Collins was a bat, no doubt about it. He said he will murder you with a bat.

He's going to take out your knees. He's going to take out your ankles. He's going to knock the – like if he hits you once with a bat with the reach, you're done. You miss me once, you're done. Correct. But I think the argument is that like he has a better chance of reaching you with a bat and knocking you out and then just killing you while you're on the ground than you do reaching him. I hope you swing from my head.

Right, you just knock. Because I don't even have to duck it. Just get my hand up. I block it once and you're dead. That's the debate that I've had. It's like, how are you acting like every swing of the bat is like something that murders you and explodes your head like you're a watermelon? I think you're – I agree with that, but I think you're minimizing –

I don't think it's easy to – If I swung a bat at full force, you might block it and it doesn't hit your head, but you're not like – you're not just like block, stab. I think with the adrenaline going, I know I'm going to fight to the death. That won't hurt my arm. Even if you break my arm, it won't hurt me. Shatter my wrist and my shoulder, but I think as I'm falling up, I'll just stab you with a Rambo knife.

The Rambo knife is like 18 inches long. Oh, that's a – I mean – It's a sword. Okay. That's a sword. Okay. That's a game changer too. I was thinking like a knife. What if I just fucking hesitate? What if I just pull a Hesi on you?

I run. You start swinging. I just pound back. Now your arms are like this. Yeah, so you're – Now you've handcuffed yourself. You're banking on a dodge of some sort. A dodge or a block or –

I almost think if I had a knife, if you charge at someone recklessly, and there can't be enough time for them to time their swing, I feel like you might get clocked, but I'll just crash into you. You're going to get me with a bat, but I'm going to fucking put it in my gut. Dude, how can you time? If that guy's sprinting at you, how can you time that when you make contact with his head, if you do, it's at the perfect length that he can't reach you with the Rambo knife? Right. You don't want that guy getting close to the knife want that but he's gonna be inside your stomach with a knife

right and also like i'm even thinking like i'm not even thinking like in a bum rush i'm thinking like we're squared up yeah like we're squared up you got the bat do you know how much effort goes into swinging a baseball bat you need to start your swing so early like i'm like all right no this is coming yeah that's true i even asked you cock like okay now. Yeah. And I get there before you fucking get that swing off. Yeah. I mean, I can see that. It's like what they say with, what is it, inside 20 feet. I learned this on Criminal Minds.

Inside 25 feet, I think it's better to have a knife than a gun if you're both holstered. Like, it's 25 feet. Yeah. Something like that. You have a gun. I have a knife. 25 feet? I, something like that. You have a gun. I have a knife. 25 feet? To be fair, it was a Navajo Indian giving this advice.

So he's probably pretty skilled with a knife. But it's like by the time you get that out, get the safety off, I'm in you. I don't even know what 25 feet is. You're terrible at this, right? Yeah, we were in the old office. We were in a room recording foreplay one time, and I was like, it was just a regular room like this. And I was like, oh, what are these ceilings, like 45 feet?

40 feet, he said. It was crazy. Like a room like this. No, it was the second floor. So it was like in the old office. It was like kind of high. The second floor was a higher ceiling. Like that conference room.

That might be 45 feet. Oh, no, no, no. That's like four stories, isn't it? The conference room is. Oh, yeah, that's four stories. If you were in a room. It's a fucking building. They're probably 20 feet, though.

That's right. Yeah. But I'm so bad at gauging feet. But, I mean, even in the Irishman, in the movie The Irishman, they say that, like, I don't know if it's true. It's probably this room, right? What? There's about four of us laying down.

I didn't like the length of this room. So you're saying I can't like the length of this room. So you're saying I can't unholster a gun, cock it, and shoot it by the time you get there? I mean, theoretically, you'd have the safety on, too.

Right. But, like, yeah, I would shoot by the time. Plus, like, that's the same kind of thing where it's, like, one dodge, and, like, you might have to, like, reload.

I think it's pretty hard to shoot somebody. If I'm running straight at you, maybe, but if I'm, like, doing, like, the fucking bam, you're like, ah! And the Irishman, Jimmy Hoffa, says it's better to rush someone with a gun and run away with a knife.

Yeah. Which I actually agree with. That's for sure. If someone has a knife, you should run away. But if someone has a gun, you should come at them. Maybe he misses you and then you push his arm up because he has to take another shot or whatever. Right, right. That's – fuck, what was I going to say?

There's a pretty famous – because obviously they don't have guns in England. And there's like a trainer being like, all right, here – so in England, the big fear is knives. And it's like here's how you defend yourself in a knife attack. And it's like a big tough guy. And the guy takes a knife out and he goes, fuck! Get the fuck out of there. So where are your knife in the Rambo? I am like – this is like a 50-50 for me.

I can definitely see the advantages of both. I think in either case, you have to remember, like, neither people, like, you're not skilled with a knife, and you're not, like, ready to crush someone's skull with a bat, or like, you know, you said you don't have time here. I think it's easier. I think there's less room for error with a knife. If you just slash him, you still slash him with a Rambo knife. Yeah. Well, that's the thing.

I think if you make – yeah, all right. I'm officially going knife because I think it's easier to maybe dodge like a swing like we've been talking about. But even if there's contact made, unless it's like a clean head shot, you're probably going to – you hit me in the shoulder with a bat like you said. You're fucked up. Tomorrow's going to suck. I probably going to, you know, you hit me in the shoulder with a bat, like you said, you're fucked up. But tomorrow's going to suck. Right. I'm going to get to tomorrow.

And maybe I don't get, like, a knife in your neck, but if I, like, slice you, any sort of contact with the weapon, the knife is in the advantage.

Right, because now even I'm thinking, like, Captain Collins was saying that he was going to, like, take your knees out. But,

like, to get close enough to take my knees out, I'm just going to stab you in the neck. Yeah, I mean, you know,

like, no matter how close you get to me. Well, your bats aren't that long. They're not that long. Yeah. Well, especially a Rambo. If a Rambo has 18 – So I think the actual blade is like 11 inches and then with the holster and stuff, the thing

that's in it is like an extra seven. I looked up all the stats. I mean, I'm picturing Captain Khan's like a skilled dude who's been in combat like rushing me with a bat. Yeah, maybe he could beat me up. He may knock my arm off. But I mean... If he hits me in the hand and the fucking knife goes somewhere,

it's over for me. No, that's definitely true. What about... So you think you could take a bat hit and keep moving. What about like a non-lethal stab? What if I put one on your shoulder? Would you just keep going? I think you'd drop everything.

I'm not... I mean... Yeah, I feel like I would be like... A non-lethal stab would... In a fight to death, I think you just don i think you drop every life i'm not i mean i i feel like i would be like a non-lethal stab would i i still in a fight to death i think you just don't you don't keep going yeah i mean like they say it all the time but like people get shot they don't know they got shot right right oh yeah like i had adrenaline pumping i don't feel that i can i i do see the argument for each side though but i think i will ultimately go knife it was pretty it was pretty but to hear a you know when a military person says no doubt

bat does that not change your mind no because he is like all you say he has a combat training we have guys i don't have that training so i i need the i think the knife is the safer fallback like you said like if we're getting if we're both getting contact i'd rather have that but so if you were to fight a a skilled fighter though you would not want them you would then change your opinion no so you think you can beat cons like what cons is saying you're like no that's wrong i i i i i would yeah i would probably i think i could take cons with a knife if cons had a bat all right let's set this up all right but why don't we should set up like you know a fake bat and a fake knife and you guys go out and see who fucking right

like see it's like a noodle versus but but you can't because like a fake bat like what's that like he gets a like a nerf bat and i get a knife that kind of collapses like a nerf bat won't do anything but we can at least see like you know would you be able to dodge that swing but i think i could take a hit well but all right but even that is definitely. So let's say we play this out, and he hits you in the skull. We would be like, all right, you would be dead there. I think we should do this. I think we made this happen. You can.

And by the way, I just want – those collapsible knives are awesome. I had one as a kid. It was great. Some guy called up into the radio when we were doing this debate, and he's like, I got hit. He goes, when I was in high school, we got jumped by like another group of kids and they all came up to us like and they got us out of our car and just beat the shit out of us with bats and he's like fucking was hard like like they tried to beat us to our death before it got broken up he's like it was like we were taking blows to the head and the arm it's like it was horrible like you also if i he goes

if i had a rambo knife i would have just just stabbed the guy. I would have stabbed him. He's like, I would have gotten out of that pretty clean. Yeah, I mean, I guess if we have a person saying, well, I mean, if you hit me square in the face with a baseball bat, I think I'm going to be unconscious. Yeah. If there is some sort of adrenaline that kicks in where you can withstand headshots from a bat, then I'm completely changing my tone like it's a 100% knife. But I'm thinking if the bat does make a square contact in my head, I'm fucked. But that's the only place that they have to – Everywhere else, even if it's like face.

If I stab you in the arm with a Rambo knife, you're going to drop the bat. You would hope. That's the other thing too is just disarm him, and then you got the knife on the bat. Yeah. Now you're fucked. I think if I got him in the arm and he dropped the bat, the whole thing bites off. I don't want to stab anybody. Well, that's the other thing is I'm factoring in that adrenaline where I guess yeah i don't want to stab yeah well that's the other thing is and i'm

factoring in that adrenaline where i guess you just don't care but plunging a knife through like flesh and bone is like you got to be fucking defending your life big time or a sick fuck that's what once it once it was like he's disarmed i'm like all right it's over man like let's just don't make me kill you yeah please i don't i'd like to have someone in my life i think so i've always said that like like when you see a serial killer and it's like 29 stab wounds, like that's a lot. Dude, I watched the movie.

You gotta, you gotta like push through, you know? I watched Zodiac the other day for the first time in a while. Great movie. And when he ties him up by the beach or whatever

and it's just like, he's got the guy and like he's yelling and like, I'm like, that is, that's like my least favorite scene in film history.

Yeah, that one makes you go. That's like, I'm tied up, there's nothing I can do to stop you from stabbing me and I'm just going to take my least favorite scene in film history. That one makes you go. I'm tied up. There's nothing I can do to stop you from stabbing me. And I'm just going to take a bunch of stabs. Yeah, I feel like Frankie stabbed somebody before. Sick fuck.

All right, good work, bro. What's next for foreplay? You guys got anything coming up? So are you going to hate DeChambeau again or what? I mean, he's being a real big fat pussy. He's being soft right now. It's crazy. So Bryson DeChambeau again or what? I mean, he's being a real big fat pussy. Oh, he's being soft right now. It's crazy. So Bryson DeChambeau was on Twitch,

and he has this new thing where he is just the most jacked person of all time. Right. And we saw him in Australia, and he like— Like big or just shredded? Huge. He can't even walk. Really? He's just like the thickest person ever.

It's actually laugh out loud funny looking at him. Yeah. He can barely walk. I mean, I just picture him. I close my eyes and think I'm like a nerd because he's always so scientific and annoying and shit. We saw him in Australia, and, interviewed him for a second. And this is the type of person he is.

He took out his phone and rattled off all the inch, like, increments he's had on his body. So he's like, my neck went from a 2.17 to a 3.85, which is pretty sick. It was crazy. We're like, what is happening right now? Wow. So he was on Twitch and he's like and there's always been this debate like uh who's like the strongest guy in golf and who's like the bad boy and it's always been like brooks versus bryson like who can beat each other up

in a fight because brook because bryson once went over to brooks and was like say it to my face or something like that yeah so um so brooks so bryson got shredded he's like he's huge and fucking abs and pecs and the whole thing and and Brooks and Bryson on Twitch was like um you know I've seen pictures of Brooks and that guy doesn't have abs like I've got abs like he said that on Twitch like I've got abs and everyone's like oh like shit like he's calling out Brooks so we were talking on foreplay like what do you think Brooks's response is gonna be I said's going to be something about the trophies. Like, I don't need it. Next day, Brooks comes out and says, yeah, you're right.

I'm too short of a six-pack. And he took his four championship trophies, the major trophies. Great response. Amazing response. Dunked on them. Like, we owned you. And we've been bracing guys because he's been on the podcast. Like, we've always said, like, if you're going to come on the podcast, be a buddy of ours.

He's the one who gave you that, like, private lesson that one yeah he's like he brought me on a major championship driving range at beth page black my home golf course and that would buy me off too i'd be big time he was a cool dude like yeah but he's always been like kind of soft and like nerdy so we've always gave it to him for that yeah so we took brooks aside we're like you got bodied bryson like you can't bring up abs and then when this guy comes back i'm like you're right i don't have abs but i have a fucking four of a six pack that you'll never come close to it's like that's a fucking own so he's talked about it

so like nothing crazy so softly like Trent like made one comment we put it we put it on our Instagram with like saying like Bryson got owned and he started commenting on every single person's comment like responding it was like someone was like Bryson soft he's like you're soft like it was crazy he was, like responding. It was like someone was like Bryson Soft. He's like, you're soft.

Like it was crazy. He was going in and out. I also heard he was like, well, I have won seven tour events. Yeah, so he's like, I won seven tour events in three years. Not that bad, guys. Good luck getting me on the podcast ever again. We're like, oh, fuck off, dude. I mean, you know, you can become friends.

You can buy me off, but I also will continue to tell like this. He DMs like raves on the side, and he's just like, why are you talking about this? Like, you know, I've won a decent amount he's just like, why are you talking about this? Like, you know, I've won a decent amount. It's like, dude, you haven't. I mean, you have. Like, you have. That's fine.

No, but I mean, when you talk to a guy who's won, in the same amount of time, four majors versus you're just seven events. Don't call out the guy who's quite literally the best golfer in the world. I mean, that's like, you know, you go out like Jordan, he has six rings, and you start talking about, like, well, I was in the All-Star game once.

Like, you're talking Apple Jordan this year. Not even that, being like, I have stronger ankles than Michael Jordan. He's like, well, I have stronger fucking fingers for holding up all these rings. You know what I mean? It's exactly how it was. It's not about having abs. It's about winning championships. All right, well, keep up with 4Play to watch how the DeChambeau saga unfolds,

and keep lying, babe. Yep. Always. I love that sick fuck. I feel like in a different world he likes golf too much and he did foreplay. If Frankie didn't like golf, I feel like he could have settled in as the third chair here at KFC Radio

and just talk about killing porn stars and shit. Frankie's one of my favorite people. Frankie's a very, very good guy. So many people in this company are so cool. I know. So many are. It's pretty much a feast of famine. But the ones that are good, very good guy. So many people in this company are so cool. I know. So many are. I know. It's pretty much a feast or famine, but the ones that are good, they're gems. I feel like he goes on to go to Australia, and he's on golf as this inherently ritzy life.

And he was so close to slumming it with us. Like, hey, man, you want to come be like middle-of-the-road depressed guys? Or you want to go be a golf celebrity? We got a card game, though. I don't know where that one came from. This is why Frankie was better off. All right, let's get into this interview with Shane Gillis. Harry the Henderson.

Get out of here! One of the more interesting interviews we've ever done, and I really mean that. And I actually texted Shane afterwards, and I thanked him for telling the story because I feel like he's probably told it a billion times now, but it's our first chance to hear it straight from the horse's mouth. And it's a very interesting story. If you're into comedy, if you're into the dynamic in the world

right now of PC culture and outrage culture and all that, it's a very interesting story and it's told from a very level headed point of view from a very funny guy. So let's get into it. Shane Gillis of KC Radio. Let's talk to him. Dude, dude, dude. Remember the porn stars I was seeing the other day? You remember

Spring Thomas? No. Thomas? I feel left out now. What the fuck? She used to like She was a pioneer. She was an old fuck black guy. What? Callomas like like she was like she was a pioneer black guy and like would like like call him the n-word it was a wild whoa like they'd wear like confederate flag shirts i don't remember boy oh i remember i remember i mean this girl is just like a crack one no she like when she was younger she was like when she was just getting into the game

i think maybe the whole oh no let me see her now no yeah she was great there into the game, I think maybe the whole – Oh, no. Let me see her now. No, she was great there. I mean, there's something about that look, the blonde and tan with the shitty split ends. Yeah, but imagine back in like 08. Yeah, it plays. 08, that was great. That's what you – she was every single girl you saw on Girls Gone Wild. I mean, look at this girl. This girl is from the – I would say she works the corner,

except she's in a trailer park and there are no corners. She just works the whole park. That one's a rough one. That one's a good one. I'll give you that one. That one's tough. A little trip down memory lane. We got Shane Gillis in the building.

I heard you just won an award, huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Comedian of the Year? Comedian of the Year, yeah. You sound super, super honored about that. Well, I think it might have been one of those things where they give a guy with Down Syndrome Prom King. As a bit, the whole group is like, we'll pick that guy.

Because I beat Chappelle and Burr. No, I wasn't the best comedian. It's like the MVP awards. It should be LeBron every year, but we get tired and we've got to mix it up. And that's not to say that the people who do win it aren't doing their thing. I had a big year for a first year in New York, for sure. Oh, it was your first year in New York? Yeah, I just moved here.

Where did you come from? Philly. Okay. Philly. Moved up from Philly, from the middle of Pennsylvania to Philly, then New York. I feel like that's kind of like a progression, right? Like the farm system. You win the minors and you call it to the bigs.

Philly and Boston are good. Starters. Yeah, good starters. How would you compare new york and la like the west coast podcasters and west coast podcasters i mean they're monsters and they're in the comedy and all that i feel like there's not a rivalry but there's two different like distinct types you know yeah i would say the major difference is they're all rich yeah yep yep you know what i've always said though how did that happen how are they because they work they work

with each other. They help each other get rich. Yeah. Here it's like, no, I need my stage time, and I'm going to be big. It's like nobody's big enough to just help everybody else out. Yeah, one of them, see, yeah, Rogan there is big enough. Yes, yes. He's so big he doesn't care who he puts on.

Right, he is. And nobody's ever going to, like, challenge him, so it's like it works. So he's got zero ego. Meanwhile, everyone here, you know, New York. Competitive. It fucking him, so it's like it works. So he's got zero ego. Meanwhile, everyone here, New York fucking blows and it's competitive, so everyone's like, well, fuck him. As soon as I got in trouble, everyone was like, I knew it. I could feel it. Yeah, for sure.

Was there a change in the way people treated you? For sure. There was like a one week where I was the fucking man. Right. Because all the comics knew I was getting SNL so they were all like, yo, what up?

Like they were excited to see me and then a week later they're like, how you doing? They're like very excited to be like, are you feeling bad? I was like,

no, dude. No, I don't care. It's fucked up. It's so fucked up. Yeah. Like I kind of get it too. Oh, I would love it. Definitely.

Not even you in particular but like I just get like the resentment and fucked up. Yeah. Like, I kind of get it, too. Oh, I would love it. Yeah, definitely. Not even you in particular, but, like, I just get, like, the resentment and the jealousy. Yeah. I feel it all. Yeah, no, for sure. I don't know if I'd ever be open about it. Like, maybe I'll hide it, you know? Yeah. I just said it on the podcast, so it's official for me.

Yeah, I mean, I can understand there's only, you know, so much time and money to go around and you want to be on top, but... Yeah, everybody's jealous. That's fucked up. I would have done the same. there were people that you got your dicks there were comics that came out and talk shit like right away yeah on on me and i was i couldn't be mad i was like i would have done the same i would have done this like la podcasters and shit like new york guys knew me but the la people never saw me do stand-up yeah so they they don't they didn't know if i was funny yeah so like right when all that shit happened like some pretty big comics like came out right away i'm like well this guy just sucks that's the problem and yeah because like funny trumps all so like if you're making some edgy jokes

references off color whatever and you're known as funny yeah it slides it's okay and if it's not you know you can be perceived as maybe you're just doing it for shock value. Maybe you really are hateful. Maybe you are whatever it may be. Yeah, and that sucks. But to not figure that out, to not get to know that is kind of stupid. Yeah, but again, I would have done that. I understand that too.

I think that's what I do. We talk about that with everything. We're like, I'm not going to research an opinion on this. I'm going to look at this one thing and be like, fuck it, or it's awesome. One or the other. Right. I would have done the same. Were you surprised by the reaction

the fallout all of it. I am still surprised that like it's still like a major like it's in time like it's in like the New York Times like it was in the New York Times like last week really still going on. Some article came out

from like Apple News last night. Oh, so you quote-tweet that. The only time I've ever responded was last night at 1.40 a.m. I was like, you know what? Fuck these people. Hats off to you for having the control. Dude, as soon as I responded, I was like, fuck. I was just sitting in my room like, oh, fuck.

They're going to find other quotes immediately. Dude, I did that a couple of weeks ago. We were like getting in and arguing about cancel culture. I was in this other podcast. It was the Minahan Show. Oh, yeah. Shout out. By the way, those guys, I do support them.

Yeah. I feel bad that I did this first. Don't worry. Cut that out, obviously. No, no, no. They went to bat. So we got into it with them because we were basically like, that didn't surprise me. Like you were going to – you were about to start a job at Channel 4 NBC Network, and they found some shit.

You were saying some pretty off-color stuff. I feel like that's going to happen 100 out of 100 times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we are kind of of the school of thought. We've been doing this a long time. So like all of us have. But we've been making edgy, off-color jokes and kind of getting in school of thought. We've been doing this a long time. So like, all the time. But, you know, we've been making edgy, off-color jokes

and kind of getting in trouble for it. Like, you're not canceled if it's... The whole cancel culture thing spiraled out of control the other direction in my mind. So we were kind of saying like, it makes sense that NBC was like,

listen, I don't know, we can't do that. And maybe there's more to the story that I don't know. But on the surface, it looked like they were going to hire a guy. There's some things that don't fly

for a network channel. And so those are kind of the consequences. Whereas the Minahan show, they will champion anybody at all times no matter what the flaw is. So I understand liking them, having your back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I agree. I mean that's why I never really complained while I was getting fired. While I was getting hired, I was like, are you guys fucking sure?

I would never i would never even like apply i didn't apply and how did that even i did not apply how does that work um they saw me at uh jfl and comedy central's up next and they liked me and uh so then they were like they my agents at the time were very tied into SNL. They had a lot of SNL people on their roster. So they were friends with everybody there. And they were like, we can get you, here's a writer's packet to fill out for SNL. If you don't know what that is, it's like a job application, basically, for one of these shows.

They send you a stack of papers that's like, like five sketches with the current cast in these sketches. So like I don't know the fucking current cast. You're the only guy I know. I'm not going to do that. And so I just didn't do it. I was like I'm not going to ever get SNL. I don't want SNL. I don't care about that.

I came here to do stand-up. That's like the urban legend like I didn't write anything on my college application. I don't want SNL. I don't care about that. I came here to do stand-up. That's like the urban legend, like, I didn't write anything on my college application. I just turned it in blank. This is what I'm risking. This is for real. This is guts. Yeah, and then they saw me do stand-up a couple times, and they were like, we just come in and audition. So I came right in to audition, which is, like, main stage in front of Lorne Michaels, in front of all the writers and shit on the stage.

Like I did stand up on that stage. And again, the whole time I was there, I was like, I'm not going to fucking get this. Like I was in the green room. Are you telling like clean jokes? No. You're doing your shit, right? First off, I told them, yeah, I did a joke about like,

I got on, I was like, Trump's funnier than almost everyone here. But it'd be funny if he got shot. Like, it was a long... I wasn't like, hey, I'm a Republican, motherfuckers. But I was like, they are still pretty gay. Like, a lot of the shit they're doing is like... I mean, they cried when Hillary lost. That was crazy.

You're supposed to be calm. When Kate McKinnon sung Hallelujah, I mean, I was like, this is fucking outer space, man. We are in another galaxy right now When I did my callback which is where you come back in And meet all the writers and shit I was like look if I'm cast If Trump loses please let me sing Hallelujah And cry as the cold opened

Please But no the whole time I was going through the audition Like there's no way I'm going to be on Saturday Night Live Like never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought I'll be on Saturday Night Live. Out of reverence or just not a right fit? Is SNL still like a,

I can't believe I'm going to be on the SNL cast? For sure, I can't believe it. But also, I just knew I wasn't the right, I didn't think I was the right fit for it. I never liked improv people It's just like a weird I mean even just Even in this

Two minute conversation already I feel like it Didn't seem like a Natural fit No But They've You know

Maybe they're trying to swing back to When they used to have They could use you by the way When they used to have comics on I was thinking We were kind of talking about it beforehand Where I was almost like Liking SNL to comics now

As like College for people where it's like the really successful people that didn't do it. It was like, I went in for a year. I think maybe I worked in the writer's room for a year. I was like, this fucking sucks.

I'm out of here. If it, and like, I don't know, I have an extensive enough about knowledge about that to like really say it. But in my gut, I'm like, I feel like all like the big comics were like,

ah, probably ebbs and flows, right? Well, it's not that they didn't want to do that. They all definitely would have done it. But I was just reading one on Mulaney. I think he was in New York or something like that.

And he's like, I did it for a year and I fucking hated it. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. I think he wrote when he was young. Yeah, I think he was very young. Yeah. And I think the writer's room there can be, I don't know anything about it.

I wasn't there. I know just about as much as anybody. I think it can be pretty shitty as far far as like just a bunch of like Ivy League kids. Right. And you talk about competitive and cutthroat and shit like that. The place step on your fucking mother's neck. Yeah. You know.

So, I mean, I think this is like the best thing that's ever happened to you. No. No. Bro. Bro. No. No. It is funny to have people say that.

Yeah. This probably helped you. Right. I'm like, no, dude. No, it is funny to have people say that shit. Like, this probably helped you, right? I'm like, no, dude. No. There is such thing as banter listening. Come on, at least it helped you with, like, having friends in New York. Like, people don't hate you anymore, right? Because you're not going to be the successful one.

It's like, all right. Everybody loves you again. You won an award, bro. Come on. Yeah, true. No, now it's like, once you get, like like a green light publicly for people to shit on you, every single person on earth will shit on you. Oh, yeah, we know that. That's pretty out of the choir, bro.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I definitely understand that vibe. But so, you know, if you could go back, you know, you wouldn't want to do it again. Would you? I think I would do it again. I mean, it's a pretty big learning experience, and I'm still going to do stand-up regardless oh yeah but i mean you know when i say do it again meaning like the snl process or the podcast jokes or you know what would you have changed if you could change anything i couldn't change the podcast i love

i love the podcast it's a fun podcast so i would have to keep that and also i was doing it you know it's pretty easy to like say wild shit on a podcast when you're an open mic or in philadelphia who feels like i don't know when you're not getting opportunities you get real fucking jealous and bitter and fucking angry like i would i'd go every day i'd get on that podcast be like fucking broad city is fucking gay like Like, every day, dude. Every day I was just saying shit like that. And then I moved to New York and immediately started getting opportunities. And I was just like, oh, maybe I was a little jumping the gun there on the white guys aren't getting opportunities. My bad.

But, no, I always loved the podcast. Did it yesterday. Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. Yeah, got to give it a go. Then the SNL audition, I would have done that too. I have to do that too. There's no way I could have said no to that. Do you think they knew what they were getting into?

Not what they were getting into. You know what I fucking mean. And then they didn't care until everyone else cared? In public, yeah. I don't know. If they saw you do stand-up and you were telling George about the audition, I would imagine they couldn't have been shocked to find out there was some off-color shit on the podcast. I don't know. If they saw you do stand-up and you were telling George about the audition, I would imagine they couldn't have been shocked to find out there was some off-color shit on the podcast. I don't know.

It was interesting because during – I would love to be a fly on the wall for this whole process. It was pretty funny. Like when the NBC publicist called me – so Lorne Michaels called me on 9-11. Oh, Jesus Christ. He called me on September 11th and was like hey we like you we're gonna go straight to cast and I was like damn so like so that's when it becomes cool as fuck where you like in your head you start 9-11 man awesome cool as shit second best 9-11 in my life but uh it was that's when

it got like real weird and surreal like I thought about like in the beginning my name being like Shane Gill you know the fucking SNL definitely the black and white like yeah

the fucking intro yeah and I think you can put your friends in that which would have been I was like calling my friends from home I was like yo

come to the bar with me for this yeah yeah yeah um and then the NBC publicist called after him and was like, hey, we're going to announce tomorrow. So I only had 24 hours. Jesus Christ.

And they were like, they're going to do a deep dive on you. Like, are you ready? And I was like, I never really post jokes on Twitter or Facebook or Instagram. I'll just delete my Facebook right now. Yep, yep. Because I wasn't using it anyway. And who knows what the fuck I had on there from 2006. I was like, get rid of the blackface.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then they were like, anything else? And I was like, I have a podcast that I say gay and retard on. And they were like, all right. And I was like, but I never said the N-word.

I was like, I never said the N-word. I can guarantee you that. I think we'll, all right. And I was like, but I was like, I never said the N word. Like, I was like, I never said the N word. I can guarantee you that. I think we'll be all right. And then literally four hours later, I was like, oh, shit. That's crazy. That's crazy that they just like you told them you had a podcast like after they'd hired you. Yeah. I feel like that's something that like.

Well, they don't hire comics. They hire improv people. And actors. But even if they're in the hiring process, you think they'd throw you a Google? Yeah. This is their fault. This is fucking their fault. You should sue them. I'm sure your podcast comes up, right?

The HR at NBC wasn't like, let's just check them out. You know what I bet it was? I bet they were like, all right, let's do this. And then they look at like the catalog at a library and they're like, this is a lot. It's probably good. This is a thousand hours. catalog at a library and they're like, this is a lot. I don't know. It's probably good. Yeah, this is 1,000 hours. Who's going to?

We only got 24 hours. Fuck it. It's physically impossible. So it would be good. Someone tweeted that to me recently. They're like, I listen to the old KFC radios. I can't believe fights hasn't been canceled. The best thing is that there are like 600 episodes.

I don't know which one you're talking about. Neither does anybody else. I might have said it. Probably did. Maybe didn't. I don't know. Yeah, that's the thing, though. It's like nobody's going to really get you unless it's something that pussies want. You know what I mean?

Right. So, like, Kevin Hart got caught with the Oscars or whatever. It's all, like, pussy theater kids' dreams. Then they'll try to take those from you. Like, SNL was, like, every improver's dream. I can't get it. It's that competitive shit. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's nobody's day working at a shit company like an evil company. No one wants to work at personal sports. Yeah. No one nice wants to work here. Right. I fucking care.

Yeah. It is easy for people to dismiss you guys, which is good. Fucking keep doing it. Like it's working out. Yeah, man. How many? How many more time? How many more months do you think you'll like even talk about it?

Yeah. Are you so sick of even doing it right now? No, I don't care at all. Really? I don't care you'll even talk about it? Yeah, are you so sick of even doing it right now? Probably forever. No, I don't care at all. Really? I don't care. I'll talk about it. But you must get sick of it a little bit where you're like, all right, well, yeah, it sucked.

I'll tell you what, I get sick of it after shows. A dude will come up and be like, hey, those fucking Asians. I'll be like, all right, man, chill, chill. I'm just joking. You're not. I'll be on stage and people will be like, fuck SNL. And I'll be like, all right. Thank you.

It's not like that. But no, I don't care. And so now you're back on your usual clubs and circuit. Has that suffered at all or anybody? No, that's helped. I feel like that might be where the community rallied around you and standing up for joke telling and all that kind of shit. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, just's where the community rallied around you and standing up for joke telling and all that kind of shit. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, just headlining, going around headlining, which is great. Just on the road trying to build, trying to get a good hour so I can put out a special. Do you know how you're going to put it out? I feel like it's so different now with YouTube. Yeah, I don't know if it's in particular where it's like, is it just YouTube? I think he just signed to a network. That's right. He was like, I'm doing it's so different now with like, yeah, I don't know if it's in particular where it's like, I think he just signed to a network. I'm doing it my own way. He was here like two months

ago. We were like, never. Who needs him? We were like seven figures. He's like, never. I'd never sign to a network. Oh, really? I was like, yo, congrats, man. Who was he? I can't tell you. All right. He's loyal to the industry. He's like, I'm not going to give up to me. I'm all for it. I mean, always sell out. Always sell out. If you get an opportunity to sell out, sell the fuck out. Yeah, dude, I took us to all right. Yeah, he's loyal to the industry. He's like, I'm not going to give up the name. I'm all for it. I mean, always sell out.

Always sell out. If you get the opportunity to sell out, sell the fuck out. Yeah, dude, I took SNL right away. I was shitting on SNL forever. And then as soon as they offered me, I was like, it's a dream, dude. And I guarantee every other comedian the same way. It probably is similar. Mulaney doesn't like it, or you don't need to do it anymore.

Maybe not the same prestige. But any chance you can be in the same conversation as like eddie murphy and guys you know i mean there's there's definitely still value and that's how it works though it's just like shit talk like i think i've talked shit on barstool i went through like a i don't like barstool phase so i didn't like portland so i thought that guy came off like a cunt and then i watched it like like he does not anymore no no. Then I started watching it more and understood the bit a little bit more. It's not a bit. You're probably more correct in your immediate assumption of Barstool Sports.

Yeah. Really? Yeah. So it's like an alt-right chive? I've always – Like if the chive was alt-right. Yeah, when we started to – or he, I should say, started to touch more into the politics, like the union thing and the AOC and Donald Trump Jr., he didn't give a fuck about any of the practices behind it.

He just wants the attention, basically. But, yeah, I always said he's like Walter White in Heisenberg. Like, in the beginning, good intentions, and then, like, he went full just, like, rich asshole now. Which, again, you know, sell out. Do it. I aspire to do it one day myself. Yeah, dude. Yes. Yeah, I again, you know, sell out. Do it, do it. That happens. I aspire to do it one day myself. Yeah, dude.

Yes. Yeah, I mean, you can definitely hate us. We do too. I don't hate Barstool. I don't hate Barstool at all. I think Barstool's, it's like somewhat honest journalism. It's somewhat. It's like the closest to honest.

Maybe not, you know? Yeah. I saw you tweeting yesterday. What were you tweeting about? What was I tweeting yesterday? I don't know. KFC was talking shit on, were you watching some Comedy Central? Yeah, I saw you tweeting yesterday. What were you tweeting about? What was I tweeting yesterday? I don't know. KFC was talking shit on – were you watching some Comedy Central? Oh, I wasn't talking shit.

I was astounded by it though. Awkwafina's new show. Oh, yeah. I just – I like stumbled upon it and it's like the episode – the series technically starts like Thursday. Oh, I brought that up. But they did a – they did like – they call it a sneak peek. They just ran the episode last night. So I was like, isn't this the premiere?

Anyway, episode one is just completely about Queefing. Like, she's farting out of her pussy on the show. She goes into the studio and farts into a microphone. They make a song about it. They say Queef like 60,000 times. I was like, this is the bravest shit I've ever seen. Like, this is, this is, like, I was like, I never thought I'd say brave and Queef in the same sentence. But, like, here we are.

It reminded me of, like, when Chappelle was, like, when him and Neil Brennan were like, fuck it. We're probably going to get canceled anyway, so let's just like, from day one, they did Clayton Bigsby and shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, when your very first episode is just going to be queefing, you're rolling. I mean, I guess. Does anyone know what a queef is? Do you honestly know what a queef is? What?

Do you know what it is? Yeah, what are we, in fifth grade? I don't know what it is. It's just like air coming out of your pussy. Yeah, but how does it happen? It's a pocket of, in fifth grade? I don't know what it is. It's just like air coming out of your pussy. Yeah, but like, how does it happen? It's a pocket of air that gets stuck up there. Sometimes it just popped out. How?

How does it get stuck up there? Well, in this episode, she gets kicked. Yeah, sometimes it... I've been present for those ones. In this episode, she gets kicked in the pussy by a little kid and, like, breaks her pussy. She's like, oh, my vag! And then she's queefing the next, like, two days. Damn, so Lady Comics first episode

was just my vagina play the hits play the hits I don't think she's a comic I don't know her yeah I don't know

what I mean she's an actress she made songs I feel like she just does spoof rapper yeah legit rapper and famous actress

it's just tough for the white guys out here white guys out here You know White guys are struggling I mean she's Asian So clearly Clearly Jane's got her problem

No no no No The quotes that you Responded to yesterday Kind of fill in the blanks Like the rest of the quote Which was what They said like that

You can't be racist Against Asians or something To that extent Can't offend Asians It was from like 2000 First off it was from Like 2015 that quote.

Like I was like four years into standup. So a lot of bad quotes. But this was a good one. Thank God. Finally, I had a good quote back then. You don't want to haystack, man. Yeah, it was the one good one. No, we ran this show.

It was a fucking really fun show. Me and my friend Matt McCusker. There was like a flat screen Behind the comic While they were on stage And it was a group text Of other comedians About the comic that was on stage

And it was an anonymous group text So you could just say The worst shit in the world About whoever was on stage And only the audience saw it While they were performing? While they were trying to perform That's an unbelievable idea

And you could put up like gifs And memes and all that shit It was really fun But because it's anonymous and saw it. While they were performing? While they were trying to perform. That's an unbelievable idea. You can put up like GIFs and memes and all that shit. It was really fun. But because it's anonymous, the five comics that are in the group text are saying the worst shit possible. Like the worst shit possible. Now I would keep the panel diverse.

Equal opportunity hatred. If a word came up that you weren't supposed to say, we could all be like it was that guy. But a journalist came to watch the show, which was cool. And after the show, the quote was like, because I was just talking about how you could see the audience cringe on certain things. At the time, police brutality was like 2015. It was popping. It was popping off.

It was popping. So any jokes about that, the crowd will get very upset. But other than that, you can make fun of anything. And then in the interview, I was like, and also like with race, you can just openly make fun of Asians and white people will laugh, which is entirely hypocritical. It's crazy. It's crazy. I mean, you know what? There's a ton of them, and they're stereotypically smart. A ton of them?

There's a ton of Asians. Tons. Tons of Asians out there. There are. And they're doing pretty good. Yeah. So I think they're fair game. And.

Hey, let me add to it. Let that one linger there. And they're funny. I think Asians are fair game. Asians are funny. Different cultures are funny. And they're funny. Asians, fair game. Asians are funny. Different cultures are funny. Yes. It's just funny.

Accents are funny. White accents are funny. Yep. Accents are funny. I don't understand what the... Yeah. An Asian accent is funny. Just inherently the R's and the L's is just funny, man.

So is an Australian accent. Australian accents. Those ones I'll jump. Australian accents. Yeah. Southern accents are my favorite, but yeah. Southern's hilarious hilarious give me the irish prog i mean we do all the time come on irish accents i don't know god damn now i'm on the pressure i feel like i'm pressure yeah yeah i feel like i have you gotta do i feel like i got a lot of the pressure here yeah i'm gonna play out to the end of the question you're almost out of breath as you do

it too it is you take a big breath and then you just don't stop ever yeah i get i get fucked up as you were here. You're almost out of breath as you do it, too. It is. You take a big breath, and then you just don't stop ever. Yeah, I get fucked up trying to do it. The only way I can do it is like Conor McGregor. He's like, I will have my redemption. Like that. That's a good one. That's a really good one. The pausing, too.

I got a good Conor and Nate Diaz. Nate's good. They fucking, yeah. I got a good Connor and Nate Diaz. Nate's good. They fucking, yeah. I have a bit of his. I'm here running bits. Dude, we've had that before with comedians. We learned that. That's a thing.

We had to, like, burp and, like, build it. And it's, like, they're so good at it. We thought we brought it up. I'm like, wow, that's really fucking funny how they had the. They're using our conversation. And then we went to see them because then they're like, oh, we're playing Madison Square tonight. We thought we brought it up. I'm like, wow, that's really fucking funny how they had the – They're using our conversation. And then we went to see them because then they're like, oh, we're playing Madison Square tonight. You want to come?

Yeah, definitely. And we're like, dude, we were talking about this today. Can you believe it? And he's doing it on stage. It's like, what fucking assholes are we thinking? Yeah, we're the ones who helped them come up with that. You fucking lose our help. We're the fucking biggest morons in the world.

Are you worried or do you feel at all that it's like a little bit of a mic? You're under a microscope now? Or a spotlight? Oh, yeah. To like say shit? Yeah. Because I felt that with even just in general as we got bigger. Like I used to like.

And it makes you sound like a troll almost. But I used to like the anonymity. Where it's just like I can fucking pop off about celebrities or whoever. Yeah. And they're not going to see it. And if they do, they don't care. And now we're at a point where like it might make its way back to them, and you might have to answer for it.

You might see them. Now you're going to meet them. Right. It's like, I was just joking, but now I got to take it. And especially if, like, are you censoring yourself? But are you adapting at all? I'm definitely cognizant of, like, this could get back to whoever you're talking to. So, like, again again when i started this

thing i was like open mic in philly bitter because i was actually like getting good and still not seeing any results because i lived in philly that's how that works you got to leave the city to get good results but i would sit there and then see other comics especially like new york comics and la comics and i'd be like well they're fucking special suck the dick and then like a week later I'd run into them at like a club and be like hi how are you such a fake pussy oh man that was a great special like I talked shit on Hasan Minhaj for like a year really I was furious at Hasan Minhaj and then now one of my really good friends writes for him and was like, hey, do you want to come to a taping? And I was like, I can't.

I can't. Really? I can't. That'd be too – that'd be such a bitch move. Had he, like, ever acknowledged it or something? No, no. In fact, he probably didn't know until right now. Just your own personal –

But, yeah, I'll be honest about it. I was angry about his – I don't know. That's how it went. It's also – I don't even think it's pussy. It's like just, it makes sense to be angry when you're not successful. And then, like, when you do have success, it's just like, I don't think it's pussy. It's more like, I'm just going to be a normal human now. Yeah.

I don't need to lash out. It would be weird to, like, show up and see someone at a club and be like, by the way, I fucking hated that. That doesn't make you a tough guy. That would be awesome. That would be awesome. That would be awesome, dude. If I was showing up right away, day one, in New York, honestly, I thought your special sucked. Anyway, I have ten minutes.

No, but he's right. It's like, you know. Of course. You don't want to be hypocritical, but you also got, I mean, that's normal. You have your opinion. You don't have to broadcast it every time you see somebody. But I did broadcast it. Literally. You have your opinion. You don't have to broadcast it every time you see somebody. But I did broadcast it. Literally broadcast it.

My opinion. I think you can literally broadcast it. You don't have to personally tell it. Yeah, this shit doesn't count. This is fake. Nobody's here. Nobody's going to listen to this. These aren't even on, man.

True. That's how I always play it. Nice. So now just back to the comedy circuit. Yeah, man. No SNL type of job. Not right now. Search.

Not right now, no. And my agents fired me. They dropped me. Really? Yeah. Oh, see, that's a little ridiculous. The agents dropped me. That's where I –

Well, they have the same clients on the show and different clients that were like, oh, you guys represent him? We're going to leave if you don't drop him. Shit like that. That's – Oh, man. I wasn't surprised. I was like, I get it. They kept Jussie Smollett.

For real. That agency kept Jussie Smollett. See, that's where I would probably – I'd probably be more of a bitter guy now from shit like that. But that's just what the fucking industry is. That's what literally everybody tells you from day one is, like, the industry sucks. And then, you know, you're naive. I got there.

I was like, no, my agents are friends with me. They're good. They're friends with me. My agent, this is fucked up. She unfollowed me on Instagram, like, two days ago. Or at least I just noticed it two days ago. Yeah. And then I was

like damn you unfollowed like this personal what the fuck that's cold and then she was like I didn't want to she felt bad about it she was like clients were complaining that I was liking all your pictures still damn dude these people are weird I mean that's legit that's like that that's what people say like oh a crazy ex-girlfriend and shit like that. They know who you follow. They see what you like. That's just – That's fucking insane.

It's got nothing to do with you. Comics I don't know. Comics I don't know complaining, yeah. That's fucked. I mean, you wish you lived in a world, too, where that person would stand up for you, but it's like they can't lose their day job over this shit either. They can't lose money over following me on Instagram. I understand.

Yeah, that's the game. But you're also representing – Also, she could have just stopped. I understand. Yeah, that's the game. But you're also representing. She could have just stopped liking the pictures. True. Just leave the follow. Get that follow going. Just don't double tap, bitch. But I mean, she's representing clients that are complaining that you're liking my Instagram.

That's the type of people that are out there. That's the world, man. Yeah, man. Yikes. Well, I mean, you have said it wasn't a good thing, but I do think there's some good to be taken from it. For sure. There is definitely some good.

Just run with that, right? Yeah, man. Let's say everything goes perfectly for the future. Would it be massive stand-up? You get a show. What do you want? I don't know. I didn't plan SNL.

I just want to be a good stand-up. So the only thing I'm focused on now is having a good hour, if I can do that and put that up. And I think someone will buy it. I don't think it will have to be independent, but I'll do it independently if I have to. You, Soder, and Oakerson should just take over the world. It's a good group.

I mean, funniest fucking guys in the world. And, I mean, there's a couple people I feel like their fame, money, success, or whatever isn't quite on par with how funny they are. You know what I mean? And, like, that's the crew. It's a good crew. That's the crew where it's like, if I'm betting, it's that group. I mean, Soder and Jay, like, Jay is, have you seen him?

Have you come, you've got to come to a show. I've never seen him live. He's been on this show. I mean, he just goes off on the crowd no him live it's just like it's an experience right

wow yeah yeah yeah we had him in here Soder's obviously Soder's special on HBO is fucking great but Jay live is like damn

it's great it's so fun yeah he's something he told us a story here about when he was dancing as Winnie the Pooh in the hood for birthday parties

that's like my favorite story. I love that story, dude. That was one of those things. When we put out that podcast, I was like, I wish I had never said before, like, you've got to hear this story on the podcast. It's the best ever because this one really is the best ever. I wish I wasted it. I didn't waste that bullet. That shit was too funny.

He said so. He danced in the Chronic 2001. He's like, I love dancing in the Dance to the music that's already on. Someone's kitchen. Unbelievable. You linked up with those guys when you got to New York? No, no, no. I had opened for one of them first at Helium in Philly.

I was opening for Jay or Dan there. And then I just, yeah, I just opened. I think it was Soder. And then I just kept opening for Soder and uh yeah he he kind of vouched for me and then Jay started vouching for me and then yeah yeah I feel like the from what I know of them too aside from being like wildly talented they're the guys who kind of won't do all the industry bullshit like if your friends your friends right yeah yeah yeah for sure it's not dropping you because of some fucking neat, right? I mean, Soder was like, there's a lot of people that weren't that outspoken at all. And Soder was one of the guys that, like, when he did his press run for his HBO special,

like, every question, not every question, but every interview he did was at least one point asked about me. And he very openly defended me. You got a list of people of people who defended you? Oh, yeah. Tim Dillon was the man. Tim Dillon actually just shouted me out on Alex Jones, which is pretty sick. Really? Yeah.

I was like, we made it, dude. We made it. Tim Dillon was on Alex Jones? Yeah, Tim Dillon went on it. He's nuts, dude. It's a fucking scene. Even just the pictures of those two, I'm like, holy shit. Yeah, bro.

But no, I mean, the people that defended me are my favorite. It's like Tim Dillon, Nick Mullen, fucking Norm MacDonald. Like all these, yeah, that was pretty exciting. And then, yeah, the people. You just had to murder the people who didn't, right? The people that didn't or were outspoken against me, yes. Kill them in their sleep at night. I'm going to get them. No, in their sleep at night i'm gonna get them

no hopefully i just because there's no get them back you just got to do well yeah no but i mean they're kind of it's not like get them back but you do well you succeed i'll just taunt them yeah if i do well hey how are you how's your career were you oh yeah yeah yeah but until then i gotta shut up because I got nothing. I wouldn't say that, man. I feel like you're doing pretty good. Doing good. So what people can see you wear most recently?

This Thursday. 23rd, 25th? Yeah, 23rd, 24th, 25th. I'll be at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut. And then just ShaneMGillis.com for the rest of the tour. I mean, I'm on tour the rest of my life, I think. So I will come to your fucking town. What's your least favorite place to perform? Wow.

I was just in Buffalo. Didn't go? It wasn't enjoyable? No, the club was great and the crowds were good, but the town just kind of fucking stunk, which is surprising to me because I'm from like fucking Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Like it's kind of – I don't know. I think we're similar.

I don't mean to just come out and be like Buffalo sucks because I know that. I think Buffalo is great. But look at me trying to politic not shitting on Buffalo as a city. The city sucked. The people were great. The city sucked. I'm surprised you're even being like it was surprising to me.

Yeah. Like, yeah, Buffalo sucks. Yeah, but I don't know. The city sucked. I'm surprised you're even being like, it was surprising to me. Yeah. Like, yeah, Buffalo sucked. Yeah, but I don't know. I like Pittsburgh. I like fucking, I don't know. The people of Buffalo, I think, are used to exactly that. Yeah. Good people, bad town.

Well, it's white people. They're great. Not an Asian in sight. All right, man. We appreciate you coming through. Thanks for having me. Absolutely. Anytime. Come on through man. We appreciate you coming through. Thanks for having me. Anytime. Come on through whenever.

Look at what you see in her face. The mirror of your dreams. Make believe I'm everywhere. Give it in the light Written on the pages is The answer to a never-ending story Reach the stars Lie a fantasy The Star Liar Fantasy And what you see will be

Rising in their sacred sphere A boat behind the clouds And there upon a rainbow is The answer to a never ending story. Story.