KFC Radio - Abella Danger || Skip Bayless Gets Crucified on Twitter For a Misunderstood Tweet - Full Episode

Episode Date: January 5, 2023

- Feits is having ball issues? - KFC goes to Holy war agaisnt the catholics - Feits Talks Under the Banner of Heaven - KFC was the mystery reader for Keegan's class and he bombed - Girl who melts her sh*t - Damar Hamlin / Skip Bayless' Tweet - Dana White & wife hitting each other went unnoticed - Logan Paul is in Hot Water after Coffeezilla Has investigated him - Chris Delia Documentary - Tom Brady has some questionable posts with his son - Andrew Tate vs Greta Thunberg / Tate's Human Trafficking - Cotton Bowl vs Peach Bowl Girl - Who's The Biggest A**hole? - Voicemails - Abella Danger Interview Preview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:03:42 KFC goes to Holy war agaisnt the catholics 00:15:07 Feits Talks Under the Banner of Heaven 00:32:41 Abella Danger Intro 00:37:05 KFC was the Mystery reader for Keegan's class 00:48:32 Girl who melts her sh*t 00:59:09 Damar Hamlin / Skip Bayless' Tweet 01:19:00 Dana White & wife hitting eachother went unnoticed 01:25:32 Logan Paul is in Hot Water after Coffeezilla Has investigated him 01:38:27 Chris Delia Documentary 01:45:12 Tom Brady has some questionable posts with his son 01:48:27 Andrew Tate Human Trafficking 01:51:21 Cotton Bowl vs Peach Bowl Girl 01:58:50 Who's The Biggest A**hole? 02:12:16 Voicemails 02:33:01 Abella Danger Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Allbirds: Discover your perfect pair at https://barstool.link/AllbirdsBSS today.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I don't know why it works. Every single person who had the unfortunate mistake of making eye contact with me for the last seven days would be like, oh, excuse me, across from a CVS line. By the way, by the way, by the way. This girl is melting her poop! People can't tell you about this completely normal-looking mid-20s girl who would like to melt her shit.

Are you ready for this? It's another edition of KFC Radio. Technically, the second one, but for all intents and purposes, the first episode of 2023. Back in the studio, John's fiddling with his dick. Right when we start the show, dude. Really, like, right when... I was like, we're gonna start the year. And I look over, and you've got your tongue out on your lips while you button your

dick up. I had to look down to scratch some chocolate off my pants, and then I noticed that a button was undone on my fly. You ever get, like, the middle button undone? No, because I just don't even wear button flies anymore. What am I gonna do here? Like, how am I gonna take my pants all the way off to finish it? Bro, if my middle button is undone, that button is just staying undone? No, because I just don't even wear button flies anymore. What am I going to do here? How am I going to take my pants all the way off to finish it? Bro, if my middle button is undone,

that button is just staying undone, buddy. Cheers to you for even getting the top button done. Yeah. Button flies are are... They're a thing of the past. Absolutely. Like, I cannot believe you even have a pair and you tolerate that. Eh. It's

fun. It's a fun game. I absolutely can, but anybody else out there who still is doing button flies is doing it to be an asshole. No one knows. We wouldn't know unless I just decided to fix it in the middle of a fucking podcast. Not in the middle. The very, very

beginning as I was about to be like this is it. Biggest year of the show coming up right now. The stars are aligning. Everything's going to happen and instead, you know, John I had chocolate on my pants. Some things will never change. John shows up looking like he's working the docks

up in... I don't have a wardrobe for like he's fucking on the Downeaster Alexa out there fucking New York City crabbing. Downeaster Alexa is a yacht, by the way, friend. Oh, is it? It's Billy Joel's yacht. Yeah.

No, no, no. He's talking about fucking being like a. I'll tell you this. I took on diesel back in Montauk yesterday. From back when I worked on the docks in Newport, Billy Joel's boat would sometimes be there. His boat is called the Downeaster Alexa. Sure. I think the song

Is about like a Fisherman though Whatever The song It's not that Billy Joel I knew about that Let me tell you something

If that like First of all That song Fucking Unbelievable Absolutely Not absolutely But very much

I agree There's so many hits Yeah People get mad That's not his best song That's not a great song Alright He's got this other great song. All right, well, now let's get down to personal preference. Yeah, he also has, like, 60 classics.

Yeah, right. Like, if that, like, banger-ass, like, kind of dark, gloomy song is just about his yacht, I've been hoodwinked and bamboozled. I've been led astray. I mean, I don't listen to lyrics. That's what it's about. I just like when it gets loud And then it gets a little quiet sometimes I like that

Like a rising crescendo Yeah man It's like you're in the ocean On that song That shit fucking slaps dude Yeah so you're dressed Like a fisherman And you're you know

Poking at your penis Scratching my penis What's your New Year's resolutions I don't know None of that shit You know what your resolution Should have been Like not pissing your pants and not touching your penis in public and we're all through slow start why shoot for the moon what what's i i legitimately legitimately my new year's resolution within reason because it's like why even bother setting

the real ones you know i was like i am, I am not going to fight on Twitter anymore. And day one, I had a holy war against the Catholics. Literally the day. Oh, buddy. I was, mine is to use social media even less. And you stayed off? I've been off. I haven't seen.

I've either been off social media or been on mushrooms this break. Hey! That's what's up, man. Yeah. That's awesome. You're doing it That's what's up, man. Yeah. That's awesome. You're doing it. You're doing it, man. I'm doing it.

But then sometimes I get on mushrooms, I tweet more. Like that picture I posted of hot dogs in the toilet? Super high on mushrooms. Yeah, what was that about? I just dropped hot dogs in the toilet. My friends did a Yankee swap on New Year's. Yeah. And someone brought hot dogs.

I won the hot dogs. I was like, I'm keeping these. And then I was back in my hotel room that night and I was just high and I was peeing and I just dropped them

in the toilet. Can I tell you? Oh, did you pee on them? No, no, no. I was like about to pee and I was like unbuttoning my pants but for some reason I was holding hot dogs

and hot dogs fell in the water. What was funny about that is I was peeing as I saw that. So I step up to the toilet and I am like this with the phone looking. You look at the phone and you went peeing. Well, I was probably like about to. I'll do that sometimes.

Once it's all out and stuff. You're right. You're right. So I was like this, but then all of a sudden it was like tweets, like phone-ception. It was like, I'm looking at a toilet, but I'm looking at a toilet. And I was like, is there? I almost was like, is there hot dogs in there? Is my camera on?

What just happened? That tripped me out. No, I got in. I want to say this is maybe recency bias. I was in one of my top five, top ten feuds with the Catholics. With Catholicism? Yeah. Really?

Don't you know? So Nazi Pope died. Oh, right, right, right, right. And I said, dude, what a fucking stupid move to resign the Pope ship. Because when you die, no one gives a fuck. You're just an old German dude. Well, apparently, that's what I thought. Bro, I saw like one headline about that motherfucking guy.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But as far as what I was seeing, I said, Nazi Pope's dead? I was like, good riddance. One of the worst of all times. Rotten hell, you rat fuck.

Nothing bad. And what's funny is, in my mind, in my mind, I genuinely didn't think like anything of that. And then when things really blew up, I was like, I can't believe this one is that bad.

And then I was like, wait a minute. No, this was like the team captain for over a billion people. Yeah. This would be like, if I just went out there like trashing like Muhammad or some shit, you know,

but. Drop me your best picture of Muhammad real quick. Show it to the camera. little go to the camera so i hate catholics hate the catholic church i'm out on them big time out on the jews moving up the draft board yeah big time i can say that because i'm a catholic it's like the N-word. Yeah, right. We're allowed to trash the church. So I called him Nazi Pope because he was in the Nazi camp. He was in the Nazi party. He's in Hitler Youth. Hitler Youth. Right, yeah, yeah.

Now, I get it. With Dennis and Dee. Here's the thing, though. Like, when you talk about Joseph Ratzinger, he's not not a Nazi. Who's that? Nazi Pope. Okay. Ratzinger. Benedict was his not a Nazi. Who's that? Nazi Pope. Okay. Ratzinger.

Benedict was his name. Yeah, that's... Go by his... His papal name. His screen name, if you don't mind. I don't really know him on a personal level. The Pope takes a new screen name! That's what the Pope does. Yo, what's your handle? What's your at? What's your new at, Pope? That's fucking great. I call him that Nazi Pope

because he's not not a Nazi. When you look up Wikipedia, it says affiliated with Nazi. And yes, I get it. He was forced into it as a child. You know, he was Nazi raped.

You want to talk about other kids? Yeah, and he was Nazi raped. You want to talk about other kids who were forced into things as children too? Do you want to talk about other kids? Yeah, and he was Nazi raped. You want to talk about other kids who were forced into things as children, too? Do you want to open up that door? Because that's what ended up happening. I got flooded, dude, with people being like, he wasn't a Nazi. He was forced into it. Like the people putting on the cape for fucking Pope Bennett.

Exactly. I was like, you guys are not seeing the irony here about yelling about children being forced into bad things. Yeah, I'm going to give it. If you're raised a Nazi, you're a Nazi. If your parents go, like, you're a Nazi. Guess what? I'm a Catholic. I was raised Catholic. I was forced to go to church, forced to go to CCD, forced to go to confirmation.

In this case, your parents happen to be Adolf Hitler. Right. You were forced into it. I didn't say he loved it. I didn't say he was like, you know. He was there very quiet. Like, hey, come on, guys. I don't know. Maybe not.

Maybe not so bad. Maybe we should rethink things. I had one on my CYO team. He was pretty good. Guys, I got some. They even put up a Christmas tree. Some of them are pretty cool. But then, you know,

I had... So Twitter, or I guess all of the Catholic freaks... This is day of January 1. This is like day... So you decided, just to be clear here, you decided I'm done with Twitter fights. And the next day he said, rest in peace peace you rat fuck

Nazi alright but that is I know that's crazy but like that guy is such an abhorrent piece of shit I didn't think that was going to be a big deal did he go

atheist that much like where I'm which by the way we can talk about that in a little bit. Atheism? Just a predicament I found myself in. Sure. So did he... I mean, I think he... I think it's pretty clear that he relinquished the Nazi party.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was like, guys, I'll give you the Nazi thing. I just call him Nazi Bo Pope because that's funny. Let's talk about the widespread rampant rape that he covered up. Sure. But he also wasn't super – I'm sure he was in charge of it. I mean, they were all in charge of it. So before he was the Pope, he – so he's known as God's Rottweiler. Oh, yes.

I did hear that, too. So he's, like, so hardcore conservative and so, Oh, yes. I did hear that, too. So he's so hardcore conservative and so by the book and you can't let dogs into heaven and kill the gays and all that shit. This got a lot deeper than I thought it was going to get faster. When he was archbishop, they were like, you're going to take control of the scandal. Because at that point, it was like every fucking day a new one was coming up and you know what it's a lot like remember i use this this analogy a lot when mark mcguire would put the andro in front of his locker to be like look look look i'm not doing the bad stuff

so so under under uh nazi pope he defrocked like 800 priests. So people are like, look, look, look. He defrocked more than like anybody. But there was like 4,000 fucking cases when he took it on. So there was like 800 cases where he was like, this is undeniable. We're fucked. There's no way around this. Like, give these people some money, get them to settle and shut the fuck up. And you can't be priest anymore.

Just simply get defrocked and then went about their lives. I think they fell to jail too? Oh, I think they killed themselves. Did they get tried in court of law? I don't know. That's a good question. It's like going to a boarding school. Yeah.

You just get kicked out. Well, that's the thing. So that's usually – You really tell the police about that kind of stuff because then it brings a bad name to the school. That's – We just – Exactly. Escort you off campus and say, don't go back again.

That's what the pope was – That's what the Nazi pope was doing because they were like the church's reputation. There was a quote from a nun that said there was a case that had eight kids who were raped that all came together. And they said something like eight men who are now adults, like eight men suffering and not getting justice isn't as bad as millions losing faith in the church. So like, sorry. And there was, I mean, I started to read. You know I'm in a

fucking war when I start to read. And I found... Have you ever heard the... I've heard this story before. I didn't know he was at the head of it though. The one priest who raped 200 deaf boys. What? No.

He was at a deaf school. He raped 200 deaf kids. And they were investigating it. And then when that guy wrote a letter to Nazi Pope and said, I'm really, really old. I'm really sorry. Oh, and by the way, all of these things happened more than 20 20 years ago which is like outside the statute of limitations per the vatican law and the pope was like okay it's done 200 fucking deaf kids they just said they were in the course of investigating it and then nazi pope said don't do that anymore and there's just like a million cases like that

oh and his brother also ran a choir where a couple hundred kids got raped too. It seems like you're on the good end of this one. You would think. You would think, but honestly... Imagine if heaven was real and you got to heaven being like, God is going to be happy with me. I covered up a lot of rapes. And God was like, what the fuck were you doing?

What the fuck was that? That's not what I said! And he's like... And I'm like, Rottweiler you doing? What the fuck was that, dude? That's not what I said. And he's like, whirr, whirr. I'm a Rottweiler. They call me Rottweiler God. Yo, I did tap into a whole new sect of Twitter that I didn't, like, ever really get into. And that's, like, truly crazy holy war Twitter where, like, people were, you know, like, their bios are all sorts of scriptures and things like threads that are just like, they shall burn and we shall inherit.

And I was like, oh, you guys are real weird. Real crazy. But I've just never been in a Twitter war where I'm on the side of the guy who covered up rape widespread is bad. And people were like, you don't know what you're talking about. On the side of the guy who covered up rape widespread is bad. And people were like, you don't know what you're talking about. That is. Holy shit, man.

That's a tough one. That's a tough one to be. Day one, though, bro. I'm like. Just getting in rape fights. I don't know, man. I think the rapist was bad. People were like, you are an idiot. Because you know what I should have done was I.

And we can talk about wording tweets better with Skip Bayless in a second. I didn't put. Oh, we don't have a second. We're going to do a little more religion. Because I. Look, they hit me with the readers added context. About Jesus stuff?

About the Hitler stuff. The Nazi stuff, right? So then I was like, well, let's add some fucking context here. And I added all the rape stuff. I was like, you're missing the point. The Hitler youth thing, fine. He's not a Nazi. But he's not not a Nazi.

But what he definitely is is a rape apologist. He's a Nazi. God damn it. You goddamn assholes. You goddamn idiots. Idiots. He's not saying I'm a Catholic, like we said. We were just like, well, I was raised Catholic.

I'm more agnostic now. I'm not practicing. I was raised to hate the Jews, but now I'm a little more. we said. We were just like, well, I was raised Catholic. I'm more agnostic now. I'm not practicing. I was raised to hate the Jews, but now I'm a little more. He wasn't a practicing Nazi. He's just a passive Nazi. A guy, Easter and Christmas Nazi, sort of thing. I'm trying to see which way I want to go because I have two separate things I want to say that are very different. On religion?

Both on religion, yeah. One, this is just reminding me of the fact that- Door one and door two. I got them both in my head So you pick one Door two Door two Okay, fine

Mormons, watch out Oh, buddy This is because We were kind of just discussing this off air I watched Under the Banner of Heaven During break And it's awesome It's 10 out of 10

Hulu? Hulu, yeah It's fucking tremendous By the way, I still have my commercials. Hulu. Yeah, it's fucking tremendous By the way, I still have my commercial on Hulu people make fun of me for being poor for that. I mean to 90 seconds 90-second check even that is like enough you just scroll the top like or every miss anything huge in the last nine minutes Keep it going. All good dude Mormons and I actually said I thought about deleting the inside the banner of heaven is about Mormons. And I actually said, I thought about deleting this tweet. Inside the Banner of Heaven is about Mormons?

Yeah, it's about a murder, a double murder of a woman and her 15-month-old baby in a suburb outside Salt Lake City. Like 99% LDS, Latter-day Saints, in that town. And they're all Mormon and some are better Mormons than others, blah, blah, blah. I bet they were just covering that shit up. And it's very, very heavy of the church being like, talking to one of the detectives was diehard, devout Mormon. One of the detectives was a Paiute,

which is a Native American from Las Vegas or something like that. And he's like, I don't give a goddamn about your religion. And the other guy's like struggling with his faith kind of deal. That's who Andrew Garfield is. Dude, I said I actually thought I was going to get into a Twitter war type war with this because I just tweeted like, under the banner,

everyone is awesome, everyone's acting their ass off, also Mormons are weird as fuck. And I was like, it was like an 11 o'clock tweet where I was like, maybe I shouldn't have tweeted that. Like, I don't know. But Mormons are kind of like Italians. You can fucking still give them the business. They are a large sect of people.

You can still be like, those people fucking suck. And everyone's like, all right, whatever. We agree. But it is crazy the shit you read. Just like, bro bro there's something in the Mormon church where like when you know how like

we do the goddamn fucking sign of the cross or whatever that this might be at because in this scene they're in church but it's like I think it's a wedding

they're I don't know enough about Mormonism to really talk about what's happening but something about they're giving their testimony and I think your testimony

is your faith in God or something like that where it's your undenying faith and it's like I forget exactly what it is but you hold up one hand like this like and you go to the other hand like with three fingers and you go and it's signifying you'd rather

slit your throat ear to ear than give up your faith in God or something like that and they just do that in church it's like what the fuck was that bro and all the chicks are wearing bonnets and the dudes are wearing shower caps. It's insane. Is it really?

What is it really? Like, I'm sure it looks like a shower cap. Bro, shower cap's my best descriptor. I don't fucking know what else it is. It is. Just like under the banner. Okay, so yeah. The women are wearing these things.

So that pop picture right there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can see what the guys wearing yeah i don't know what the fuck they are what the fuck is that that is that's yes their wedding attire that looks like one of those looks like a little boat is it looks like those you know those old school popcorn things that you pop. Anyway, keep going. I'm not going to spoil the show, but they're just talking about all the stuff that Mormonism is built on and how

you're taught... Mormons are just straight up, we want to fuck a ton of little girls, right? That's what happened with Brigham Young. Brigham Young would just change, which is crazy. Brigham Young murdered hundreds of people. And the fact that there's just a college named after him, he murdered hundreds of people. White people or, like, Native Americans and shit?

White people, but blamed on the Native Americans. Yeah, that's why. They would dress up as Native Americans, and then they would kill white people. So, yeah. So they would, like, the Paiutes were one of them. Like, the Paiutes got, like, the land and stuff like that. Agent Travacators. Yeah.

Wow. By the way, we're just coming in super hot. Yeah, dude. Dude, this is, I love this shit. Let's fucking, let's expose, KMC Radio exposes religion. Like, most people are like, I'm doing five sit-ups a day. What are you doing? And we're like, so then they murdered the children dressed as Native Americans.

Assuring my eternal damnation no matter which God's right. Touch them all. But there was like, so yeah, it's insane that like Brigham Young is the zero. Bro just murdered like men, women, children. Everybody. Dogs, cats, whatever. And he was the one in the Mormon religion who was like... Dude, it's actually the greatest loophole in the world, Mormonism.

It's like they get signs. And I guess this happens in Catholicism too. And maybe I just wasn't raised with the people who are devout as they are in this show. Where it's just like they come downstairs like, I just talked to God. He says, I need three more wines. You're not going to believe it? You, you, and you, you got to fuck me. It is like, I just talked to God. He says I need three more wines. You're not going to believe it? You, you, and you? You got to fuck me. It is like, I just talked to God.

Brother, this is going to suck. He says I have to kill you. And it's just like, these are real conversations that happen in the show. It's God's word. What do you want me to do? It's not me, it's him. It is. It's bananas. But there's so much fucked up stuff about the foundation to religion.

We should tear down. You want to get people real riled up, right? Tear down the foundation of religion? No, let's just tear down religious statues. Remember what we did about Confederate soldiers? They were like, hang on. My granddad is granddaddy like Stonewall Jackson. Imagine you just ripping down the Mother Mary and just, like, blowing up her head and shit.

He actually was quite a liar. Let's take that down. Oh, man. Bro, in the Mormon religion, in the book, I don't know what book, it's not on Joseph Smith's temple, Golden Plains, whatever. Satan invented

black people. That's just like a found, that's like a big part of it. Let's clip that. First of all, I'll raise my hand. I'll be the first one. No one else has spoken. I disagree. I'll take it a step further.

I know that's not true. That is not a fact. Not a fact It was In whatever One of their teachings That they don't They don't do anymore Which is also a hugely

Beneficial part of the religion Is that There's always a living prophet The prophet On earth And at the time Of the movie The show takes place in 84

I think And it's Like William H. Kimball Or something like that That's like their pope kind of Exactly He's their voice of God on earth. Yeah.

And he can kind of just be like, that's not true anymore. Yeah. Because I say so. Right, exactly. And he, I guess one of them at some point had said like, that's not true actually. Satan didn't make white people fuck animals

to create black people. I think the actual wording of the book was like Satan made man put the seed of the man in the beast or something like that. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's awful to even say and tons of people just fucking believe it and

practice it. It's crazy town. Dude, I mean that was the same thing with everything I'm saying is like pretty true. True enough. I mean they definitely said it in the show show i didn't do my own research on it but like surely you said in the show dude it was the same thing in my holy war it was like you guys are people were just like this this man was a shining light of of like religion who should be remembered and i was like he, like, let thousands of kids get raped. What?

If, like, if there was a story about, like, a person letting one kid get sexually assaulted, they would be done. Yeah.

And this happened. But also, if you look in the Bible, good amount of rapings. A lot of rapings. A lot of rapings. I feel like the Bible had... Noah loved raping his daughters. I feel in the Bible, good amount of rapings. A lot of rapings. A lot of rapings. I feel like the Bible had – Noah loved raping his daughters.

I feel like the Bible had a lot of lambs. Can you Google on that? I think Noah raped his daughters for about 300 years. Noah or – His dog or daughter? Daughters. The fact that that's a legitimate question is all you need to know about religion. Did you mean – now, is it Noah or is it Moses?

It's one of the two. That's the thing. Everybody, you know, that's the classic trick is, you know. Oh, maybe his son. Oh, no, it's just his son seeing him naked. That's not weird. Maybe Moses raped his daughter. Wait, let me see that.

That's actually kind of funny because I feel like everybody, not everybody, but a lot of people might have an awkward moment where you see your dad's dick or, like, gets out of the shower or something, you know? Yeah. I mean, I've seen my dad's dick. He didn't rape me. He went to the gym. What happened when... How did

Moses see his dad's dick? Was it like, yeah, he was by the burning bush? No, it was Abraham. All these guys are the fucking same, if you ask me. But, yeah, the Bible has a lot of lambs and sheep and a lot of rape. I feel like those are the things that there's a lot going on there.

Wine, lambs, sheep. Put it all together, it's going to be a party every time. Look, you put me in the same room. That's a problem. You put me in the same room with wine and some sheep. Your boy's going to seek comfort. God damn it. Someone, someone, Chaps taught me this, and I always like, when Chaps and I were doing

Barstool Confessions, which is like really what I wanted this, which is what this was, or that was, I very much wanted to hear all the fucked up stuff of the Bible, and he would teach it to me, but also, like, fucking... Wait, go down to Noah's Daughters Drunk. Yeah, how did Noah's... Oh, maybe they were raping him! There was

definitely some raping going on. Yo, if your daughters rape you, that is something from Pornhub. Let me tell you what. Whatever. It was just, I don't know. It was a whole thing.

You should have seen it back then. Anyway. We also lived to like 300. We got to get back on track. This is a podcast. Yeah. Well, this is kind of all. One last thing.

Oh, what's door number one? We were talking about this over break. This is the prologue to the episode. Yeah. Right? I don't know what prologues and epilogues are they're just like the book starts and then the book starts again yeah and the book ends and the book ends again yeah we'll get out to normal stuff but yeah we'll get to the podcast in a moment the uh we were just talking about it over i was talking about securing my eternal damnation and um so i'm like when i became a godfather we're talking about over break and like i remember i remember calling my mom and i had to talk to the priest i remember calling my mom

being like is he gonna like is he gonna ask me if i believe in god yeah and she's like no he's gonna assume that one no but you kinda At least I did Like uh Where they asked you Kinda like Do you believe in Jesus Christ Yes

Do you reject Oh no I meant like I meant like Afterwards No like a sit down Before Gotta gotta Yeah yeah

Cause you have that Paper you have to get signed Right right right It's gonna suss you out A little bit No no I'm pretty sure If they started asking Those questions

There'd be no Fucking godparents Cause like it's like Well you want me to tell you The truth Or you want me to lie Yeah And It's like what they, you want me to tell you the truth? You want me to lie? Yeah. It's like, what they want you to do is put money in an envelope. And that's it.

And shut the fuck up. And plug your ears. Do you believe in God? No? No, it's not like that. Just put that in there. Shut up. Don't say that. We're good. Fucking rats. I've forged all my

religious documents Through life Like should I Guess what The number one Fucking document I didn't carve any rape though So what up

The number one document In religion is forged It's like a thousand pages Of forgery Fuck out of here Your whole temple I don't like the thing That's forgery

I think it's just A couple of the boys Are sitting around Telling stories About their friends Yeah And he tended to Exaggerate a little bit

And then they were like 2,000 years later They were like like, whoa, oh, hang on. This was a question, right? Didn't we do this a couple weeks ago? It was like, if someone were to write the book of you, who would you want to write it? Yeah. And I think we kind of tied the Bible in because somebody decided, you know, Mark, Paul, Luke, and John were the guys.

But there was also, you know, Steve and Frank and Greg, you know, the Bible according to Greg. And those guys just didn't get – they didn't make the cut. For why? Why come? You know? Yeah, I forgot about that. St. Peter, that rat fuck. There's a million other gospels according to.

They just didn't make the canon or whatever the fuck. I remember in high school I was told by Brother Joseph. He said – I forget the name of the book he was referencing. But he's like, in this book, it's about Jesus' teenage years. Right. And he gets mad as someone stole his toys so he makes them disappear.

Why would you believe that? I was like, why would I believe that? Why would you believe the rest of it? And any of the other shit. Yeah. If I was a teenager who had the ability to make people disappear,

we're about half the population it has right now. Yeah, all over the place. I'd be disappearing bitches all over the fucking place. All the other books, I think, were about him fucking and having girlfriends and shit.

And they were like, well, we can't have that. See you later. And you're back to grabbing your balls. I'm scratching my penis, dude. It's hot in here. Got a hot dick? It's hot.

Hot dick, bro. I had to do last night. I had to do the... Really? We're going to keep doing religion? Like sign of the cross, sleep naked. It's getting hot, yeah. Bro, if... All of a sudden 60 degrees is tough. If it's... Because the fucking sleep naked it's getting hot yeah bro if

all of a sudden 60 degrees is tough if it's cause the fucking the heat's on heat cuts on on itself when it's supposed to be cold out

if it doesn't get cold in New York City it becomes too hot to live in New York City it was it was a thousand degrees in my apartment last night I woke up and showered

at like 2am I know the feeling you gotta put like ice in bed with you. Yeah. It was fucking nuts. The doors opened. I had windows open. I had my fucking door propped open.

Me like this, just exposed. Thank God fucking the Rottweiler is dead. I'd have been... I had some street toughs last night. We had some street activity last night. The street toughs were out. I don't know what happened, but the screaming outside my apartment was so loud. So the setup I have is my sister, my mom, and me.

My sister and my mom are in one apartment, and I'm next door in the other apartment. And all of us thought that the yelling was coming from the other's apartment. So I'm running to my mom, and she's running to me, and my sister's running to check on us. And we just find these kids in the street. A couple of them had baseball bats and shit. Like, it was about to go down, dude. Like, teenagers. But then there was, like, a middle-aged mom with a baseball bat, and I think she was out there regulating, like, get the fuck out of here.

It was some wild shit though I was like and then when everything kind of settled down and SUV came back around the corner and these kids ran and got into it and then it zipped down the block and I was like they're about to fucking you know it was it was something then I just went to sleep

I don't know what happened here but whatever one more month yes I don't know what happened here, but whatever. One more month. Yes. One more month, bro. One more month. If you know, you know. Let's start the podcast, huh? All Birds.

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rock some wool runners when she's running 2,300 miles a year right? 2,300 miles a year. Right? 2,300 miles in a year, dude. I don't even have a guess how far that is. It's like, I didn't, I didn't, I, I. I mean, like, that means nothing to me.

I think the country is 3,000 miles. Okay, so you ran across the country. I think she ran to, like, Las Vegas, basically. If I had to guess. Why? Why? Because it's there. What an a**hole she is. I think she ran to Las Vegas, basically. If I had to guess. Why? Because it's there. What an a**hole she is. Look at that one.

It's like running from Greenland to... That's not even great either, though. But basically across the whole Atlantic. That is... You ran across the Atlantic. So god damn far. You dumb a**hole. That is so crazy. And if you had your wool runners on from Allbirds,

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A-L-L-B-I-R-D-S.com. Today we have a Bella Danger on the show. I am ready to proclaim her the most interesting person in the world. Yeah? Like, on a level of, like, Like, I say this about Asta. I say this about her, too. Huh. They're noticing a trend.

And there's a reason why. The one I've seen the inside of is the most interesting person in the world. I think they are maybe the only two that can say this. Another shout-out belated birthday, Asta. Also, happy birthday, Asta. Yeah, I said it too. Like except for each other

basically nobody can relate to them like on any level. Yeah. You know like when you're there's plenty of porn stars there's plenty of people who plenty of authors plenty of people in college on the debate team plenty of people who do this that the other thing but like to do all of it to be like i was on the debate team in college well like after my gangbang scene

and then i went to my like social media where i have millions of followers and i said this and that's like what the fuck yeah and what's crazy is that this girl absolutely and i think this is genuine i don't think this is a shtick i meant to ask you you that. Like, she genuinely is like, what are you talking about? She definitely seems to be that way. And I think it's pretty genuine that she's like, I just, you know, I do porn. I guess that's a little weird. Like, but what do you mean? Like, why would guys be so?

What do you fuck? What do you mean? Why are you not understanding that I think it's insane that you're the captain of the debate team at Miami College. Like, that's nuts. But I think it's one of those things, too. Like, she started porn so young. Yeah. Where it's just like.

It's just like who she is. Right. I think we'll talk about this again in a little bit, too. Like, when you went to, like, a rich friend's house. Yeah. You have this. This is just his house. I have everything.

Right. You're surprised by that? This is my TV. These are my toys. Yeah. I have so much money from porn. This is just how it goes. So yeah, Bella, we got a college update.

She's on the debate team. She's got good grades and some very funny stories that came out of that. Also, quite a revelation. I don't remember. Oh, about the penises. The penis revelation. We talked about this on Son of a Boy Dad, which I think is out as well, if you want to go listen to me in fights

With Rowan and Sass But the We discovered Some information About the male penis in porn That some people seem to know I think the vast majority wouldn't know And that the world needs to know

Because it changes everything And like once I heard it I was like Oh yeah that makes sense like we're so stupid if you if you like it's like almost like if you told a male porn star goes on a female porn star a female podcast and is like tells the host like just so you guys know like most their titties are fake yeah right they'd be like yeah we know that like we we know for we know that the tits are fake we know that the squirt is pee. We know that athletes do steroids. We know all these things, right? But at the highest level of male fucking,

we just determined that all these 10-inch dicks were just real, normal, natural dicks. Why would that be the case? The greatest trick that Devin ever pulled was convincing people that male porn stars' dicks are real. There is somewhere on this podcast where I said there's something. I didn't nail it. I'll give you that. I didn't nail it. But I said that I thought that a lot of male porn stars didn't really have balls.

And I hypothesized that they were getting the balls put into the penis and now I'm not completely wrong it is there oh you're gonna be a ball bag is no you're you're right you're a ball bag is a pump that like yeah don't yeah yeah yeah so I nailed it with the small nuts I I got that far. Yes. You'll never see a male porn star with his bag swanging. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? And a lot of guys, you know, you're going to get that pendulum. You know, pirate ship at the local fair.

Stop my tummy hurt! Stop my tummy hurt! Jesus Christ Alright let's start the podcast So we'll have a Bella We will get into Who's the biggest asshole We will get into our voicemails We'll do one minute man

In a second First I had a big day today Yeah Big day this morning Big moment into our voicemails. We'll do one minute, man, in a second. First, I had a big day today. Big day this morning. Big moment. Oh, I saw this on Twitter. Mystery reader in Keegan's kindergarten class. Sorry, real quick.

I just want to interrupt you real quick because I just said I saw this on Twitter. And this is part of the reason I've been using social media a lot less. Is your Twitter just a goddamn disaster? And I don't mean the content of it. I mean, I can't even use Twitter. I'll see five tweets and I'll just

start scrolling and it'll just stop. It won't be like load more tweets. It'll just be like you can't scroll. I'll close the app and try to refresh it. Yeah, yeah. And I'll close the app. I'll try to refresh it. That won't work. And then there are some times where I'll get a refresh and it'll be like two minutes ago, two minutes ago,

two minutes ago, three hours ago. And then it's a fucking mess. I saw Trent tweet something. Have you checked sometimes your timeline can be chronological versus algorithm and all that?

I have not checked that. But Trent tweeted something where it was like when someone edits a tweet, my timeline becomes a nightmare for four hours. Interesting. So maybe that's what's happening.

My theory is that elon is is sabotaging twitter to then fix twitter that's why he you know he does all these stupid things and then has the poll you know it's like do you like when your timeline's all fucked up yes or no no let me fix it i'm a hero i'm the voice of the people um i was the mystery reader for Keegan's kindergarten class today. I've read with Shay before, but I think she was in like pre, pre, pre-K. It was like really young little babies basically I was reading to. Keegan's in kindergarten. We're playing almost in the big leagues now, man. Those are kids that like there's you know probably some bullies and some

kids who are talking shit and there are some kids who are cool and some kids you know like so a lot of pressure was on so we uh me and their mom go she had a funny moment actually i don't know if i'm allowed to talk about but i'll say it and we'll decide later so over the break just so this is a quick side note from the mystery reading. Over the break, you cheated on your wife. Just skyrocketed. Every fucking thing I tweeted, that was the response for everything. Really?

Everything. Even by my standards. I'm so used to it now. And I was like, God damn, you guys are just like nothing else but that. Timely criticism. Yankees fans, Braves fans. Yeah, very, very timely. So I was talking about the Braves

and how the way that they're signing these players to no money is fucking criminal. I don't know if you've been paying attention, but the Braves signed people to $8 million deals when people are making $40 million. It should be illegal. It's not. I don't know.

And somebody said something like, if you spent as much time worrying about your family as you did with the Braves, you'd be something like that. And I quote tweeted it, and I said, I pay more to her than the Braves spend on their infield. That's funny. And then, and usually I send those tweets, and I'm like, I'm going to get a call from a lawyer. I'm going to get in trouble for this one. But I got a text at the beginning of the month when we like divvy up all the bills and shit. And I got a text from her and she said, like, we got to talk about some bills, dot, dot, dot.

The Braves need their infields. I was like, let's go. I was like, why can't we be a normal divorce couple where we hate each other and bust each other's balls like that? It doesn't have to be so dramatic. Can we just be frenemies? Yes. Can't we just normally trash each other like regular divorce people? God, that would be great.

That was very funny. I was like, I wrote back like, ha, ha, ha, ha. That's good. So I was Keegan's mystery reader, and they had us stand outside the class, and we pop in the room, and this is like a surprise. You don't know what parent it's going to be. So Keegan fucking lights up, and I was more nervous for that than being on stage for the podcast. Well, I mean, live in front of 1,000 people, like, people like let's do this show people paid tickets paid money to come see us and i'm standing there in front of this classroom full of little kids like holy shit holy shit what the fuck what's

gonna happen uh like freaking out the i i i think you absolutely should have done this does anybody have a shot of whiskey? This is. What do you got in your drawer, Teach? Take the edge off. She's got some whiskey in there. She's got something in there. Probably vodka, but whatever. You absolutely, that's the correct amount of fear. You should have more fear walking into that than walking into a firefight in Afghanistan.

Because, bro. What if those little kids just tear me down? Dude, stop being so selfish. Kevin, if you get up there, first of all, if you're ugly. Then you're the ugly dad? If the baby mom is ugly, you're fucked. You're fucked. I'm sure you two went up there, you're all black, stage attire.

Naturally. Had to look trim. I'm going to be the fat dad. I'm sure you two went out there, you're all black, stage attire. Naturally. Had to look trim. I'm going to be the fat dad. I'm sure everyone looked great. So you're like, all right, we cleared that hurdle. We're good. Because you're saying that otherwise you'd be like, oh, there goes Keegan with the ugly parents. Dude, if I – and you could read.

You did pretty good reading. So that's the thing, man. It's a little nerve-wracking. Jackie knows. She can't read. She has to read in front of somebody. So I uh i don't know how old this this book is i don't know if it's new age or if kids know do you know the wonky donkey though no no no no so it's this thing like uh you uh every page you go like i was walking down the street and i saw a donkey and then it goes and then it's like he had

one leg actually he's kind of's like he had one leg. Actually, he's kind of fucked up. He has one leg. And he has like a prosthetic. Pull up a picture. Just put in one leg in the video or on the Google search. Donkey donkey is grotesque. Yeah, so that's the point.

So look at the picture in the book. Yeah, see that? It's like a fucking stump of a leg. He has like a prosthetic that just has like huff, like, lump at the bottom. And so he has one leg. And you got to choose this book or they chose it for you? What's that? They chose it for you.

Okay, so this is the real point. Wonky Donkey is very animated. So he has a missing leg. He has a missing eye. He smells bad. He woke up in the morning and doesn't have his coffee. He's very slim. So the point is that it ends up –

Big coffee and Dr. Eaton and the kids yawn. It's kind of weird that they said – like they could have just said he didn't get a good night's sleep, but they said he didn't have his coffee. And the thing is you add on every time. So you go, it's the wonky donkey. It's the hanky. It's the hanky. It's the honky tonky, winky wonky, lanky donkey.

You add it on every single time. It gets really long. So I have that book and another book. And I was like, we're going to read Wonky Donkey. Keegan was like, I hate that book. Late last night, he's like, I don't want that fucking book. I was like, what? Since when?

We do Wonky Donkey all the time, you know? So we bring in a backup book that he picked. This book sucks. It's called When I'm Old or something like that. And it's just like, when I'm old, I'm going to eat treats. And I'm not going to have a bedtime. And I'm not going to be as scared of the monsters under the bed. And it was like five pages.

And then it was done. So I read that book. Me and Caitlin go page for page and we're trying our best to like animate it like when i'm older and when i you know and i'm like the end after probably no more than 50 seconds and some kid goes that book was short no way and like another like you could hear like the groans and i was like fuck i was like we just bombed i knew i knew I shouldn't have to put choice up to the children.

I'm the adult in the room. I should have fucking... So the teacher goes, do you want to read another one? And thank God she brought both the books Caitlin did. Otherwise, we would have been... I mean, I'm sure there would have been

other books there, but I would have been like... And then I really would have panicked. If she said like, well, do you want to read another one? Because that sucked. I would have been like, I'm sweating. So then I'm like,

how about we read... Do you guys know about Pope Benedict? Here's a little something. Here's a little reading for the Catholic Church. Spotlight. Have you guys heard of it? Have you guys heard of it?

I'm going to read my timeline. I got this. It stands up. The deaf kid. 200 deaf kids. So I grab wonky donkey, and I'm like, let's do this one, Keegan. And the crowd goes wild. Not much older than you, by the way.

It's a confessional. the way Kevin looks at the kid who said the crowd crowd goes wild for it kids love it keegan lights up and he's like absolutely like that's the book i was like now after i've already bombed now we're doing the good book so start start reading it. And I wanted to get the crowd, you know, I wanted to get the crowd participation going. Fucking crickets, dude. Every single page you say, hee-haw. So I do it like twice myself. And he smelled really, really bad. He was a stinky, dinky, lanky, honky, tonky, winky, wonky donkey. I was walking down the road and I saw a donkey.

Hee-haw! He only had three legs, one eye. He liked to listen to country music. He was quite tall and slim. He smelled really, really bad. And that morning, he got up early and didn't have any coffee. He was a cranky, stinky, dinky, lanky, honky, tonky, winky, wonky, donkey. And then

from then on out, I'm like, I was walking down the street and I found a donkey. Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Nothing. Crickets every time. I was like, you goddamn kids, give me a hee-haw! Can I get a hee-haw? I was like

one of those comedians bombing where they're like, this crowd sucks. Oh, you're one of those crowds, huh? You just don't get my jokes. Get used to it. It's getting pretty edgy up here tonight, kids. Not one single fucking hee-haw from the crowd. But yeah, I mean, I got through it.

But afterwards, I was like, oh, my God, I'm never doing that again. It's the fucking most nerve-wracking. And yeah, because I'm sitting there worried that, you know, what if they're just like, man, god, I'm never doing that again. It's the fucking most nerve-wracking. And yeah, because I'm sitting there worried that you know, what if they're just like, oh man, Keegan's dad was a weirdo. He was sweating bullets up there. Couldn't even, like nobody even wanted to hee-haw with that loser. Next thing you know,

I've sealed my kid's fate for the next like three years. That's what I'm saying. You're lucky you're not ugly and you're lucky you can read. Because Keegan would be like, dad, can you transfer me to hitler youth because these kids don't fucking like me at all they don't want to hang out with the kids with the ugly dad and can't read they say it's like look into my future don't have kids

the um one the don't have kids i have like basically exactly one highlight from my uh trip uh not my trip my break whatever the fuck you want to call it and uh i went skiing for a few days and uh uh everyone knows like when you get in a on a ski lift or a gondola there are like three types of people on the gondola. On a gondola, I actually tweeted it, crazy number. Gondola,

or at least this gondola at Killington, fits eight people or 1,300 pounds. And I was like, you are making quite an assumption about what eight people weigh. Seriously. Guess what?

Me and the boys get in there. That's so 1300. That gondola's going to be 16, 17. We're talking 17, 18. You put some of the gambling cave guys in there, and they're riding solo. That's a one-man show with half the employees here at Barstool. And all you have is some dude from fucking the bahamas or or peru like working the thing who they are yeah which by the way from the bahamas or peru bro it's it's because they wear their name tags and where they're from and so i saw like

it's a lot a lot like the south america like we have the opposite winters so a lot of people work at the mountains in peru and argentina and then they come up here in our winters. All the time. Yeah. But I think it's like a resort trade, too. You see it a lot in beach towns. They have the same kind of thing. But this is a separate note, but those people must go home,

particularly if you worked at Killington for six months or four months, whatever the time period is. You go home, you'd be like, I don't know where they're getting the black people in movies, but they don't exist. Oh, yeah. In America. You never see them.

All you do is you work on a mountain. It's in Kimlington Mountain. Yep. No blacks, no Jews. You see three black people the whole winter. No, it's not happening. You'd be like, they're not there. I don't know.

I don't know where Denzel Washington came from. But anyway, so we get on the Lyft, and it's me and my sister, and then these three people. Oh, I'm sorry, but the three people who want to Lyft are either people, three types of people, are either people who shut the fuck up, just ride the Lyft, don't say anything, the people who they will talk amongst themselves, and you're free to then there's the where you guys from the people who go yeah so what are you guys doing out here blah blah blah the where you guys doing out here it's like it's like the same three types of people in the uber yeah yeah the well you still one more month i realize we're still doing shared ubers

even with you if you're with yeah you're talking. No, no, no. Even with you. You need a driver. Even if you're with – yeah, you're talking – like sometimes if I get an Uber with you, it's either silent. We'll talk. Oh, I'm talking about separate parties. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get what you're talking about. I thought you were doing Uber shares.

Come on. But the – so we get in and The guy wasn't going to talk with us But he just cracked a beer And just went Bet you wish you had one of these And I was like Yeah Yeah but that was rude

Yeah Unnecessary That's got to be followed up with like But here you go He didn't No he didn't have one You know what that is That's a bully

Whose fucking dad Didn't go read to him in school He knew he was the dad He was It was his two kids he was with And they were both pretty old I'll give them both mid to early 20s And the dad's cracked Neither kid has their beers

They're drinking age And neither kid has a beer either What a dick He's just like, so you guys excited to go back to Maine tonight? And they're like, yeah Kind of like any dad talking to a kid's conversation He's like, ah, you guys excited to go back to Maine tonight? And they're like, yeah. Kind of like any dad talking to the kids conversation. Yeah.

He's like, ah, you guys don't seem too pumped. And they're like, ah, I'm excited. And the daughter goes, excited to have a toilet that works. And the dad's like, what? He's just like, I'm excited to have a toilet that works. He's like, what are you talking about? We've been here for a week. It's like Friday.

I was just getting there, but it seemed like it was the end of their week. He's like, we've been here. What do you mean your toilet hasn't worked? Why didn't you say anything to me? And she's just getting annoyed. It's just like, it's fine. And he's like, I don't understand what's happening. What do you mean your toilet doesn't work? it doesn't flush solid waste and he's like more questions what do you mean and she's like i just don't want i just don't want to talk about it and he's like he's like

well i just don't brought it up he's like i just don't understand like why yeah what do you mean your toilet why didn't you say anything to me at any point? Like, we'd have fixed it. They're staying at like an Airbnb or something? It must have been. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she just goes, and this ends the conversation. She just goes, I've just been boiling two pots of water every morning and handling it.

And everyone kind of just like starts staring in the front. And I like, my head snapped. I was like, what does that mean that's like we we talking what are you talking about what is that what do you what does that mean you've been boiling two pots of water and handling the solid weight are you are you melting your poop exactly that's the only thing I can get this is that this girl was turning her poop into water and flushing it. What else could she possibly mean?

I don't know why this is. If you pour really hot water into a toilet, it causes the flushing to happen. Really? But the melting poop is a lot funnier. Wait, really? Yes. Bro, I've told this story to, like, many people. No one has told me anything like that.

Are you sure about that? I'm positive. How the fuck does this young girl know that? Right? Yeah. Where? Yeah. Can you pour it like...

Let's just go from the wilderness. How the fuck can I get you from Maine? How the fuck can you just don't work that I know to boil hot water and flush shit? I thought for... Until right now, I thought for sure she was melting her shit. What did she do? Bro, I've told that story to like 20 people. No one else, no one in my life knows this. I think I'm right, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is so fucking funny. So wait, wait, were you thinking that she shit into the bowl and then filled it with hot water so that it just melted? Yeah, it just turned into liquid waste that you could just flush. I'm going to pass out. Bro, this is crazy. Again, like... Who'd you tell it to? Everyone I saw

for the last week. I don't know why it works. Every single person who had the unfortunate mistake of making eye contact with me for the last week. I don't know why it works. Every single person who had the unfortunate mistake of making eye contact with me for the last seven days would be like, oh, excuse me, across from a CVS line.

By the way, by the way, by the way. The girl was melting her poop. People can tell you about this completely normal-looking mid-20s girl who liked to melt her shit and just announced it to everybody on a fucking gondola in Killington. Dude. Not melting her shit and just announced it to everybody on a fucking gondola in Killington.

Dude, not melting her shit. Not. That's not what's happening. You know what would be great is you get in the next gondola and he goes, so this girl was melting her shit, guys. That's basically what I was doing. Like, you guys want a beer? Too bad it's only for me. By the way,

the last chick was melting her shit. Oh, man. When you were like, that's the only thing I could think of. It's literally like, what? If you don't know that, it's like, well, what's happening with the boiling water? I think I pulled my sister aside. I was like, did you hear that? She's like, no, I was just kind of like,

this chick's been melting her shit all week. She's like, what are you talking about? I don't know. She said she boils two pots of water and handles it. Oh man,

that's fucking great. That's crazy. Hilarious. I'm pretty embarrassed no one in my life has even an inkling that that could be a thing. Did you say it's your dad?

Yeah. I feel like you laughed when I expected, though. Yeah, no, I guess you're right. That's fucking great. Dude, speaking of the weight limit thing, I went on Bobby Kelly's show over the break, and before I went on, I was listening to him. That was fucking rude. Well, he has a bit in the special

he was promoting with us, Killbox. It is so goddamn funny. It's so good. His special is like, I think he opens up, which is like, hey, we're all back out. That's it. No more COVID, no more pandemic talk.

And then he just has this bit about how he went tubing. He has since gotten the lap band surgery so he's trimmed down a lot but he was at his biggest he was like over 300 pounds i think and he went tubing and i think tubing doesn't have like a full ski lift but i think it has like some sort of uh whatever thing that pulls you up you know um and he got on that and like broke like it was like and like broke and they were like, sir, you down there. Like, you need to step off.

You're over the weight line. And he was like, none of you could have given me a heads up. None of you could have fucking done it. And then proceeds to tell a story where he was like, the whole time, he was like, am I okay? Like, am I too big to do this? Like, am I good? And everyone was like, yeah, you're good. The guy's from Peru.

They're like, yeah, yeah, you're fine. You're fine. And he tells a story about how he hits the fucking mountain and goes down too fast. And it is so fucking funny. He said he hit the tube and like two feet in and was like, oh, yeah, I'm in trouble. I'm in trouble. He said he, I don't even want to ruin the bit, but he's talking about leaving trails of fire like the DeLorean.

His wife and kids started before him. They're like, see ya. And he was like, and he was trying to get into the tube. And then he said he just hears his kid go, Dad! He flew past his kid, and he hits the end where he went so

far past the finish line, if you will, it turns to dirt. And he was like, I was so fat, I went into a different season! It was fucking great. So go watch Bobby's special, and the episode I did with him was very funny, too. We were getting out of hand for a minute there. So that's a good episode.

It's called You Know What, Dudes, if you want to see me on Bobby Kelly. Okay, one minute, man. There's a lot of topics to be going through here. I'm sure there's even more from the last week, but we're just going to get into the most recent shit. The DeMar Hamlin, Baila situation. I think the latest I heard was that he's at 50% breathing on his own,

50% assisted breathing, so he's trending in the right direction. If you don't know the story, safety for the Bills, 24 years old. He collapses on the field after a weird hit. Not like a hit where you would expect someone to almost die. It was one of those weird ones where the aftermath was way worse. He basically died on the field. They had to resuscitate him and restart his heartbeat. And then he went to the hospital.

And everyone was watching live because it was like monday night football so it was like a national tv do you think that this game gets resumed if it's a one o'clock do you think there were so many people watching i think being like you can't possibly if it wasn't uh yeah if you're regionally watching it was all you were tweeting about i was thinking that too yeah like if it was if it just got lost in the shuffle of 10 other games happening i think that's entirely possible so and so he he's like you know people on the field praying they're literally resuscitating him they sent him to the hospital there's like an hour long a lot openly weeping yeah yeah i mean there's it was which i've read and and who the fuck knows anything right but? But the... Like, I've read that, like, from medical professionals who go on their threads.

And you don't trust a Twitter doctor. But people being like, that's probably from, like, just watching CPR. Yeah. Because, like... Just seeing that, like, it's just traumatizing. It's so simple and... Yeah, the real shit's jarring, right? CPR is fucking brutal.

Yeah, you're breaking ribs. Breaking ribs and, like, you're... Screaming. Snapping chest CPR is fucking brutal. Yeah, you're breaking ribs. Breaking ribs and you're just like snapping chests and shit. Yeah. Oh, God. I can't imagine that. You'd be like, what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah, when you, it's like, we're happy you survived,

but now you have broken ribs and shit. You're like bruised everywhere. It's crazy. But they did like an hour-long break, and what was running through everyone's head was like are they gonna resume this game or not now that was as about as bad as you'll ever see like heart stopped cpr resuscitation but there have been paralyzed paralysis before there's been people unconscious before bledsoe got rushed off i believe right i know i

know i when he i forget what happened you know 2000 i was pretty young i forget exactly what happened but i believe when he tells a story like he's like yeah it sucked i mean maybe they took him after the game i don't really remember it but he's like he's like yeah it kind of sucked with like people being like the new heroes here and i'm still on the operating table fighting for my life so i don't know if that happened in game or exactly how it went but like it was it was that night yeah like well so that's what's weird i mean to my knowledge this is the first time they've ever stopped the game right it's definitely as far because every other time i've seen it they've been like first and 10 from the 23 like boom like right back to it you know i think

like i i tweeted when it first happened i was like i don't get how they go back to playing after this. Yeah, because you just almost assume they're definitely going to because they always do. I don't know. It was just a weird moment. That's not a unique thought. People say that all the fucking time about all kinds of different injuries. But those ones in particular, I think the last time I said it was at the Euros.

The guy was from Poland. But they kept playing. Oh, the soccer players. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I mean. Well, I think he – I think that was the 2020 Euros. But I think they went to the locker room and he had come back to life and said like –

Oh, I feel like you're right. He was like, you guys get back out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you're right. But like it was just a weird moment where it was like collectively as a society with that with no precedent to do it we just reached a moment in time where it's like we don't play football anymore if that happens you know what i mean yeah like it was just like fans players coaches i think except for like goodell who was like get back out there probably i think it was just you know there was no there was nobody who said like

well last time this happened we didn't play. Those guys just decided. The fans decided. It was almost like we've just progressed enough as a people to be like, if someone's about to die, we don't play games anymore. But, did you see the tweet that was like, I think it was a fan, maybe it was a beat guy or whatever, at the stadium

was like, there's 65,000 people here. We heard the ambulance go all the way to the highway. Because it was that quiet? It was that quiet. Yeah. That would be fucking... Mm-hmm. It was also weird.

There was so much weird stuff about that night, though, because, like, when the ambulance was waiting for his mom, you were kind of like, oh, okay. Yeah, like,

it can't be that bad. Like, all right, he must be good to go. Yeah, right. You're like, just get someone out of the stands? That's got to take forever. Go, yeah, yeah, right.

To get an old woman to, like, get into... I bet she's actually not that old. She's 24, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. She's like a baby. But that's all to say, though, there was the story of are you okay

and what's going to happen in the game. Those were the two stories that were like – most people are not going to admit it, but those are like 50-50 in your mind. You know what I mean? Oh, it's all – I was watching the game with my dad Unless you're like Damar Hamlin's family Or like his close people

That's paramount Like the rest of the people Are like Oh my god this is crazy I hope he's okay What do you think they're going to do About this game? Right

That's like Let's keep it real That's what everybody was thinking It was I didn't tweet it You know what we should have done We should have made Jackie do jacked up for this

Yeah So he's dead And and then he's not. I didn't tweet it. You canceled, bitch. As I was sitting there with my dad, I was like, I don't think they can cancel this. Right. Because it's like there's too many implications. It is.

Obviously. That is everyone's first thought. I hope you guys are okay. I hope the Mars will find. Obviously. We're going to keep saying that, but it shouldn't have to be said. Right. We're fucking human beings.

We get it. But also, I also understand it's like a $10 billion industry, and this game did have huge implications. And I wasn't arguing get back on the field, but I was talking about that. I'm like, I don't think they can. What's the discussion? I was like, I don't think they can cancel this. You can discuss a thing without. If it's week one, week two, you can do like, all right, we move our buys.

I don't know how they cancel this. Right. And especially with the new long season, the fucking super bowl is already you know until like march basically and you can also have a discussion about something without advocating for that thing yeah right like i don't think they should start the game but like we're gonna talk about it and also it's the nfl also it's kind of like especially uh like hopefully and thankfully it seems like he's okay like if he's all good it's like wow in an hour you know it's like if, God forbid, the worst happened, it would be like, all right, we made the right call. But if he was, like, fine.

I think no matter what. Obviously, he was never going to be fine that night. Oh, yeah. No way. You can't play that game. But I'm just saying now, it's like he, let's say, you know, like, we hope he's back on his feet. And he's just like, yeah, I'm all good. And it's like, well, now we don't know what the fuck to do.

You know, but the. He's back on his feet, and he's just like, yeah, I'm all good. And it's like, well, we don't know what the fuck to do. But the skip bail is – Someone was saying – I saw – I've never seen every option under the sun. But I saw some people be like, you have to give the Bills a loss. Yeah. How can you argue to give them a loss? I saw people saying that both teams should get a loss because – That's insane. They were saying you can't give them wins, but because both coaches agreed to stop –

like it wasn't a league thing. It was like the teams decided we are not going to play. See, but I think – You have to get a loss for things. By saying it was a league thing. They lied about it, but they did say it. Wait, what happened? That Troy Vincent, like his press conference yesterday,

he was like, no, it was never a consideration to restart the game. We were canceling the game. Interesting. So, like, first of all, obviously a complete lie. Yeah, just a bald-faced lie. 100% an absolute fucking lie. Because the Joe Buck thing, what ESPN announced, like, we're standing by our reporting. Because Joe Buck said

four separate times, and I think Westwood One said it, and ESPN Deportes said it, or whatever. Yeah, I can still hit that R, baby. And I think Westwood One said it, and Espiniportes said it, or whatever. Espiniportes. Yeah, I can still hit that R, baby. And everyone said it multiple times on the broadcast. They have five minutes to get ready, and clearly they heard that from someone. Right.

Somebody was saying it's about to start. I think Buck said it four times. He didn't make that up in his own head. Someone told him they have five minutes left. Joe Burrow started warming head. Someone told him they had five minutes left. Joe Burrow started warming up. Someone told him he had five minutes to get warm. But the league was like, no, there was never...

Troy Vincent was like, there was never consideration to restart the game. And it's like, then why'd you wait an hour to cancel it? Why'd you temporarily suspend it? There was never consideration to restart it. It was such bullshit. But also, now that takes it off them, the coaches were like, they didn't stop. Yeah, that wasn't our call. You said that.

You fucking said that. Even though, yeah, I think it was them. But, yeah, to be like, that's not the story anymore, at least. And then, yeah, what people are saying, the Bills, because it's his player. Oh, I think they were just saying because they were losing at the time. It was 73. Oh, yeah. I mean, I don't know.

But you've got one possession. But this is why it was a discussion. Because it's like, what the fuck do you do? And these are two teams that are going to be in the time. It was 73. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. I mean, I don't know. But you each got one possession, right? But this is why it was a discussion, because it's like, what the fuck do you do? And these are two teams that are going to be in the playoffs. Even if they give them a tie. Have they talked about it at all? Have they said what's going to happen? No. But even if they give the Bills a tie, if Kansas City wins this weekend, Kansas City

is the one seed. Right. Right. So you're changing. I know. Again, the whole thing. You know that. I'll keep saying it, but everyone just cares about DeMar Hillman being okay.

But that's a fucking major thing. And I'm sure there was a ton of execs who were hoping the best for DeMar Hillman who are also going, fuck. Yeah, right. Like this couldn't be two scrub teams. This couldn't be one team that was out of it, one team that was in it. This had to be these two guys against – So that's why – be one team that was out of it, one team that was in it. This had to be these two guys against the... All these discussions being had

and then Skip Bayless just getting absolutely crucified for the softest... I remember when I first saw his tweet, I was like... And I actually think it was one of those nights that were so volatile that I think even the people that were incredibly critical

of it, I think even the next morning were like, oh, it's not that bad. I think everyone the people were that were incredibly critical of it I think even like like the next morning we're like oh it's not that bad I went I think everyone it was just like mob mentality big time everyone the most I remember the first time I saw it was like I was like I must this must not be the right tweet someone must know I was like because it's like it's short it's timely I send an untimely tweet to you like I don't give a fuck like my tweet was about Goodell it wasn't about fucking him my tweet was like a stock photo of like the guy on two phones

being like Goodell telling ESPN to keep working the broadcast and tell the players to get back out there that was happening it was happening right

the I had a bunch of people you told me this how about this suck my dick you can't say anything you can't say anything anymore without somebody

I mean if that was if somebody people saying that he should have put it's irrelevant at the front instead of the back. Oh, shit. It's one tweet. We're breaking down the fucking grammatical aspects of a tweet now. Like if he wrote a column and at the end was like, oh, and by the way, this is all irrelevant. It's one tweet.

If you didn't get to the end, if you didn't finish it, or if you don't understand the grammar of it, that's on you, dude. He said this is all irrelevant. I do think most people have come around. Yeah, I do too. Yeah, that was a wild... I was drunk on tragedy. I think there was a lot of that. I think there was also a lot of players who came out

and were hating on him who hate Scapullis. So they have an ax to grind almost. I think that most rational people... I don't think anyone loves Skip Bayless like they love Stephen A. No, there's no one who's going to defend him. I just don't think that's who he is. I'll tell you what.

He's lucky that people don't really watch his show and don't really see him because his appearance afterwards, his monologue the next day, terrible. Was it bad? next day, terrible. Was it bad? Terrible, terrible. He was like – Well, did you see his today with Shannon? No. You didn't?

No. Oh, it's awesome. We ought to watch it. It's unbelievable. Shannon was not there yesterday. I think that was already planned though, right? Not really. I heard that he had his grandson, his first grandson,

and was like that's why he was out. I don't hear they say that. Oh, here we go. And DeMar Hamlin struck me a little different. As a brotherhood of the NFL, when injuries happen, when we know injuries aren't part of the game, I've seen guys suffer ACLs and Achilles tear, but I've never seen anybody have to be revived and fight for their life on the field. So they struck me a little differently because I remember seeing my brother paralyzed on the field temporarily,

and he was able to regain focus. Skip tweeted something, and although I disagree with the tweet, and hopefully Skip can take it down, Yeah. Without you interrupting, okay? I was under the impression you weren't going to bring this up because nobody here had a problem with that tweet. No. Clearly, the boss wanted you to offer explanations. So clearly, somebody did not have... Nobody... Dude, he is...

I don't know what the paycheck is for him. It must be a lot. Because he fucking hates it, dude. Because of all this, a lot of shit was getting stirred up. Like, he has moments. That Tom Brady fight that they had, did you see that? It was weird. When he's like, you're jealous.

He's like, I'm a Hall of Famer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I don't want to go throw. He was like, you're just jealous of my man. That was good, Skip. That's classic Skip. So? Skip, I'm a Hall of Famer. He was like, I got three Super Bowls. I So? Skip, I'm a Hall of Famer.

He was like, I got three Super Bowls. I'm all pro, but Hall of Famer, whatever he said. And he's like, you act like I'm some bum. And he was like, yeah, whatever. But that was also, you know, he takes his glasses off, and he's just like, okay, all right, whatever. It's not even like theatrical fighting. It's like, it's stupid.

Let's go, Jeff. Let's go, Jeff. Yeah, like fucking. Like, let's go. Yeah. Like fucking. So I guess he did. I think it is crazy to not show up to your job that day because of a tweet like that. I get what he's saying. But like, like, I think that those people like that, analysts, broadcasters, play by play guys, guys, whatever, have had some of the most powerful moments when tragedy strikes.

Right, and you don't want to think about your own career during it. I'm not saying SVP helped his career. SVP's career is as good as it can be and will ever be. But that night, everyone was like, got to hear what SVP's going to say. Not even got to hear what he was going to say, but they were commending how great he did because he is

if there's anyone to have in that spot it's SVP and that is I think someone was saying his sports center afterwards should be taught in broadcast school it's live there's no script for it

you gotta carry a show for an hour, and him and Ryan Clark. It's about the year. Susie Colbert. Was it Susie Colbert? No, it's not Susie Colbert. Was it Susie Colbert? It was Schefter. Last night?

No. Or like this injury you're talking about? Yeah. It was Schefter, Boogie McFarlane, and definitely not Susie Colbert. Maybe it was Susie Colbert. I forget, but she was fantastic. They were all great because there was nothing. It was actually really tough for them.

I could tell Buck was getting annoyed. He was like, why do you keep coming back to me? I got nothing to say. Right, right, right. Nothing I can say here. Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know.

I think your girl Jamie Erdahl had a pretty good – was she – She does good morning football. Yeah, I think I saw her with a pretty great soliloquy. Those are the moments to – you rise to the occasion and you put some eloquent words to it and people are moved by it. Can you categorize that as exploiting or taking advantage of? I guess so. I don't think so.

Also, the whole idea of like football, none of this matters. It's like, of course, the life matters. But the reason why you know who DeMar Hamlin is, the reason why you were watching this, the reason why this is a big deal is the sport of football and your fandom and your connection to the players and the sport. You know, unfortunately, that's a cop out to say, because I'm sure there are people who say it where it is like, oh, you're using this strategy to push. So, like, I mean, it's like saying, like, the fucking news use 9-11. Yeah.

We talk about it. And the really good ones, you know, come up with the right words. And at a time when other people can't. And, like, that's your time to do it. And I guess, you know, undisputed, when you know you're going to show up and Skip Bale is going to be an asshole, maybe it's a different story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, that's your time to show up and have the argument or tell Skip he's wrong or to tell people that it is or is not exploitation or whatever. That's your time man you know and to just be like i'm not i'm not showing up or you know i mean i saw the busting

guys delayed their podcast a day i thought they were just like not putting it out at all they put it out a day late but even that i was like uh i just i don't think it's like a sign of disrespect to do what you do if you go on the show and you're just like goofing off and shit I get it but if it's like I don't think the world stops yeah it's like we're gonna do what we do we put out a podcast the next day

it was pre-recorded I think we would have anyway I don't know I think that it's almost like we've become so connected with social media that that everything becomes everyone's trauma. It's very sad, but it doesn't have to do with you or you or you. Is she Bart Scott? Yeah, Bart Scott talking.

Who was that in the middle? Is it Colbert? I can't tell. It's Colbert. Susie Col tell. That's, uh, is that Susie? It's Colbert, Susie Colbert. It's not, it's not her, though. It's the, um, it might be. I don't know.

It's Colbert, right? Susie Colbert? Kissing Susie Colbert? I've always said that Colbert, I think probably because of Stephen. I mean, it doesn't really matter at the end of the day. But Boris Scott getting no grief. We're not a ton of grief for saying Tee Higgins shouldn't hit him. So I thought that was interesting, though, like, from a point of view of, like, why do you think that happened?

Like, I don't know. I mean, he was just like, you see this, like. As a linebacker, I see this a lot. If you lower your head, there's nowhere for the defender to go, and that can happen. I don't think that's crazy. I think talking about how to avoid situations like this and how – Yeah, I guess on my first viewing of it, maybe that is the same kind of moment I was talking about.

I thought it was more accusatory. Not intentional, but like... Saying intentional without saying intentional? Yeah, I mean, he says he's like, you know... You just tell him it's a weapon. Yeah, I mean, that's harsh, I think. But I think if you were to just say, like,

yeah, as a defender, if someone lowers their head and you're trying to make a tackle, there's nowhere to go, and you... You know it's like you can't it's like we can't even talk about the issue without it being like that's too much you know what i mean it's like these are hard conversations to have or you know you got to dig into it a little bit but i also get like we can wait a little bit you know we don even know yet, so I understand that too. But I don't know. It was just so immediate.

I also – I don't even know how to word it, but like I guess good luck for Dana White. I mean nobody's talking about that. It is. Nobody. I actually haven't seen the video. Bro, you know what? I think this is the Me Too Too movement a little bit. Like, he came right out on TMZ

and was just like, this was unfortunate. We were in the club. We were very drunk. And like, the worst part is we have to talk to our kids about it. That's what we're worried about.

I think, you know what I mean? John, has this ever happened to you? Oh, has that ever happened to me? No, it hasn't. You can even see he takes a lot off it, though. It's kind of like a. It is. It's like, but you can't be.

You can't do this, right? You can't. But, like, the way that. You can't get caught on camera doing it. I mean, imagine that. Like, this is just some random fan, you know, who was just like, check that out. It's a random fan who was taking a video being like, holy shit, it's Dana White. And they're like, holy shit, it's Dana White. Yeah, I think that's what it was.

Like, he's zooming in and shit. Like, oh, there he is, Dana White. they're like oh my shit Dana White yeah I think that's what it was like he's zooming in and shit like oh there he is Dana White I think there's something about like I mean the timing is like there was not a lot of people focusing on this but I think there was something about like people kind of being like I don't know that's their

business for the first time ever I think people were like that is their business and they seem to like both be you know and like i don't think she uh his wife has put out a statement or anything i think i've read the tmz thing i think she was like it's the first time it's ever happened we're gonna deal with that kind of deal good and like i'm embarrassed there's definitely a lot of alcohol involved there's no excuse that's what dana said so if she came out and kind of like i said the same thing i believe she said that i'm not i read all i read was one tmz article because i yeah let's see what she said um

i can't read that uh what the what i was gonna say was that so – and this is the internet poisoning my brain. Maybe. Or maybe it's me being a fucking genius. Is there any world in which this is PR? What do you mean? Dana, like next week, has a goddamn fucking show and tournament coming out called the Power Slap. Oh, my God.

That, like, it's a fucking, you know, like the fucking. Oh, the Russian, like, slaps? Yeah, it's coming to TBS. No, no, no, no, no, no. It can't be. It can't be, right? No, there's no way. There's no way.

But then they have to cancel that. Because Dana White can't keep appearing under a fucking sign that says the slap. That's so true. Power Slap. Yeah, that is not good. Either this is PR or TBS, I think the show's on, has to cancel the show. Because if it was some sort of rogue internet thing, but TBS cannot possibly be like, okay, here's what we're going to do. Right, right, right.

If it was Dana's thing, he's like, fuck it, we're going. Even that would be crazy ballsy. How many times can you stand at that podium? Oh my god. It says right above his head. It says right above his head. But I

just, I mean, I totally understand that like you know you can say like people like if this happens out in public like what could happen behind closed doors I understand that you could think that way that to me like unfortunately like every guy a lot of guys in the

world have dealt with that where like you're just getting fucking whacked in the face in a drunk moment and like god willing most of the time, a lot of people... I'm fucking Ali, too. No, you know what? John has the blueprint, and it's the bear hug. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The bear hug is the way to do it, because you stop her, and it's not violent in any way. But, like, I don't know. It's just, you know, you're getting fucking whacked, and you just kind of boom, boom. I think I was talking with my mom about this. And I think that it is, I would never do it personally. But I think when an adult hits an adult, the adults are where they might get hit back.

Yeah. Guess what? I've been hit a million times, like a million times. I've never hit back. Right. Yeah. I've never. I've been in a spot.

I got closed fist punched in the back of the head before i've been slapped i've been you know everything and i've never done it but you know i've hit walls before i've gone to the room and hit walls before but i've never i've never been you know married for i'm sure 20 fucking years or whatever. I don't know. But for one reason or the other, people are just kind of like, not talking about him. Also not being talked about is poor Donovan Mitchell going off for fucking 71 points.

The night of a lifetime. Nobody cares. Dude, he had six points in the first quarter. And then he put up 71. That's crazy. I've learned that that's pretty impressive. Obviously, I'm aware it's impressive. 71 points?

I didn't realize there's like six people ever do it. Yeah, no. Anything out of the 60s is like very rare. It's like, that's why I mean Kobe. And most of it, I think, is like only a lot of it's like big men back in the day yeah Jordan big man back in the day it's like I think Bird did it but it's a very

I think Elgin Baylor did it too I think he had like 70 something didn't Kobe do 80? 81 or 82 yeah look at that who's like the weirdest one on that list is that Wilt that's a billion times there 81 or 82. Yeah, look at that. Who's like the weirdest one on that list? Who's that?

Is that Wilt? That's a billion times there. Yeah, it's Wilt. David Robinson. I remember that. Going into the final game of the year, it was David Robinson and Shaq were going head to head for the scoring title. And David Robinson was averaging like 31.2 points a game, and Shaq was averaging like 31.9, and it was like who's going to have the bigger game,

and the Spurs just fed David Robinson the ball. Shaq put up like 18, and David Robinson put up 71. It was crazy. Yeah, so I mean that is like some major shit, and it's like, yeah, nobody cares. Also, one-minute man, major shit and it's like yeah nobody cares um also one minute man uh logan paul in hot water after coffee zilla has investigated him uh yeah i'll try to give you the the the breakdown here coffee zilla is a youtube like investigator if you will he exposes people for scams. Okay. I think recently has popped and gotten a lot of followers, though.

And so now I think he goes looking for scams. Boy, that dude never gets a day off. Yeah. I mean, but I think he is also now in the business of finding scams and wanting things to be scams. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's the I team.

Love the I team. Exactly. So he exposed Logan. Logan started a... Can I just say how fucking moist I am right now? Just because you're wet? Just because you're hot? Just like fucking soaked, dude.

I'm just trying to find a comfortable position. It is. I'm just peeling my pants off my ass. Nobody should sit in that chair. I gotta be honest. I'm comfortable healing my pants off my ass. Nobody should sit in that chair. I gotta be honest. I'm comfortable today. And usually if you're like this, I'm like, bro, soaked. No, I'm not touching you. I mean, I'm gonna touch you.

Also, while we're at it, we gotta recreate the Tom Brady picture. Okay. Just get a fistful of my... Tabs, get over here and touch this. It feels like he sat in a puddle. Just grab a thistle. Okay, Jackie, come over here. Dude, it is sopping.

I'm soaking wet, dude. Did you cum? Do you have a pussy down there? What is happening? Bro, I'm soaking wet. Moist does not describe it. You're soaking wet. I'm soaking wet.

It's like you sat in a puddle. Are you sick or something? Are you all right? No, I'm totally fine. Yeah, I was going to say, otherwise you seem fine. I'm great. Are you sweating your hair? I had a nice night of sleep

I had worked out this morning. I'm feeling great This is my body operating at 100% Maybe your body's just like flushing some shit out. I don't know Maybe I have the flu. I don't know I feel fine Fucking A. So cute. It's down on my calves. Oh, no. Back of your knee? It's not as bad. The ass is definitely...

I mean, the ass is... Oh, my God. It definitely starts like there. Dude, that's like... That's like a couple inches above your knees is sopping wet. I don't even want to know above your knees is sopping wet. I don't even want to know what your underwear is like right now. Bro.

I do want to know. I don't know. Oh, God. This is so gross. It's like as wet as it is. Actually, weirdly, they're both just soaking wet. Do we have any hand sanitizer? I don't know why.

That was disgusting. Oddly enough, the jeans are like just as wet as the underwear, which is very strange. Moisture wicking or some shit. You got a hand sanitizer over there. Oh, good. Yeah, I was just going to do a water wash on that one. That is truly repugnant. Truly, genuinely disgusting, even by your standards.

I'm taking things out of my pocket thinking that's what it is. Yeah, that's what it is. Gotta be the fucking AirPods. You need some dude wipes, bro. Okay, Logan Paul started an NFT called CryptoZoo And basically Raised a shit ton of money I think

Did your hand just on this after touching my ass? I mean I just poured Oh you poured it No you're fine And anyway if something did go wrong there It would ultimately be your fault. Yeah. For having ass sweat all over the place and making me touch it.

So, fuck you. My stomach would be, what the hell? We just got this out of here. I already pushed this back to the butt. That fucking boy just pushed it out of the board. A closed system over here. So, Logan made a NFT. I don't fully understand everything because NFTs are all inherently kind of scammy.

But Logan made like a billion of them. It was like one billion of these fucking little – I think it was like eggs that hatch or like little chickens or animals that hatch. That's why it's called the zoo. He, I think, stood to make like $100 million of everything went off, right? And I mean, this guy CoffeeZilla made three 30-minute videos about it. I ain't going to do all that, brother. But basically said that Logan scammed everybody, the developers, the creators, everybody involved in it, his team, other teams.

They all put up their own money, $100,000 here, $25,000 here. And, like, it just bombed. And, like, it never – what? I was thinking $100,000 here, $25,000 here. Guess what, fellas? If you throw up that kind of cash, I got a place for you about 35 minutes from here. It's honestly the return on investment for your Noonan property through the roof compared to crypto. Through the fucking roof. So he basically said, like, Logan, you scammed everybody.

You haven't tweeted about it in like a year. You haven't talked about it. You're not doing it anymore. You just dropped it uh logan then came back with a seven minute response being like uh fuck you this is defamation and basically was just like i got scammed too like i hired people to do this stuff and they are the scam artists and took the money and ran uh i think the like the argument kind of is like you were gonna like cash he was like i never made any money i never made any money by the time this like all happened i never i wasn't able to sell for anything so how can i be a scam artist if i i didn't profit but it's i think it's basically

like well because someone else like scammed you first but you were gonna scam you know what i mean like you i honestly don't. Like, I'm trying to follow, but, like. I think that, like, the developer of it or whoever basically sold all of his CryptoZoo and took his money and ran. Okay. And that just kind of, like. What do they call those, rug pulls? Yeah.

Okay. And it was, like, Logan, you were going to sell all your shit as well. Just someone beat you to the punch. But you intended on, like, scamming all these people as well. That's this CoffeeZilla guy's argument. But does that mean if you start a coin, you can't ever sell? I think there are certain rules and ways to do it. I don't think you could just be like, here's my coin,

$1 from a billion people. I now have a billion dollars, and poof, I sold it all. I'm gone. I think that there are rules against that. I don't wholeheartedly believe in the idea of scamming. Meaning? I don't think you can really scam. I'm much more interested

with this than that, to be honest. The intricacies of all that, it's like, I don't know. I watch Wolf of Wall Street and I'm like, I don't get what he did wrong. Someone calls me on the phone and is like, I got a great stock, give me $5,000. I gave them $5,000. I'm with you on that.

I think a personal responsibility. I also think about insider trading. It's like, if I come upon some information, I can't use it now? Like, fuck that, you know? I think there are certain ways where it's like, okay, if I call you up and you're dumb, fine, but if I like, if I call you up and manipulate you and say one thing and then have my other guy call you up.

That's like fraudulent or false advertising or whatever. If someone's like, yo, I got a great stock and then it doesn't work out. Yeah, it's like plenty of people invest in things that just bomb. Yeah, it is. I think there should be protected classes and stuff like that. You can't do it to the elderly and shit like that. Sure, yeah. But the I don't know, if you're a perfectly healthy

adult person and someone says, give me all your money. I got a good idea. Yeah. And you give them all your money. I don't know. How about this for exercise? I don't believe in scams until I get scammed. Yeah, that is bullshit. The day I get scammed, I'm gonna have a big problem with it. What about what if

what if, like you said, there are protected classes. So we're going to protect, like, the kids. We're going to protect the elderly. And we're going to protect the dumb. Yep. Okay. You can elect. Do I fall into this class?

You can elect, if you so choose, if you believe so, to be part of the dumb. That would then protect you from getting scammed and stuff but also let's say kind of like in china where they have like those social uh measurements that's where a bracelet says mr f you you are known as as a dumb i'll be mr you'd be like oh there goes a dumb there's one of the dumbs there goes feidelberg he's a dumb you meet somebody you go out on a date it's like oh hi or oh you're a dumb okay like see you later see you never you know you would have to then take on all the other things that come with being dumb being known as a dumb but you'd be protecting anything it would save me time read them out read them out even better yeah like let's

just cut to the chase here yeah you're gonna're going to find out on time. You're going to find out in about three months. Right, right. You're going to find out, oh, I have a bit of a bravado that is covering up stupidity. Let's just. Let's just. You're not dumb, though. You're really not. You're not dumb, are you?

I mean, you thought that that girl was melting her shit, so. That was pretty dumb. That was pretty dumb. I'm not smart. I might be wise, but not smart. I think I'm kind of wise. Yeah, sometimes you drop some knowledge. You drop some gems.

But not intelligent. Right. I think I have life experiences. Yeah. And a good outlook and perspective. And I've been lucky enough to always have a working toilet. Didn't have to deal with that. Didn't have that life experience.

Now you have that experience. Anyway, the whole thing, what's interesting, obviously, to really talk about it, you have to understand the NFTs and all that. And I don't. And so it's fun. I've been saying it for two years now. That NFTs are like a joke. Just all that stuff. Yep.

Again, it would be great for me if it went well. I'm hoping it doesn't. And it went well. I'm hoping it doesn't. And it didn't. And every day it did. And every time I get a fucking push notification like, ooh, Bitcoin down to 12,000. I'm like, yeah, mama. Put my hands up in there like it's a roller coaster. At one point in Logan's apology, that's the thing.

So a seven-minute video, he doesn't say he's sorry at all. He just says, other people scammed me, too. One of the things was that. That's one of those things. That's another one of those things that's funny where people are like, he didn't even say sorry. Like, well, his argument was that he didn't do anything wrong. Right. So, why would he apologize?

Yeah. I think it's one of those things. Kind of like Skip. That's exactly it. Where it's like, I'm not going to stand by it. So, it's like, I didn't do anything wrong. Like, you want my empty apology? Fine. I'm sorry. You guys got like, I didn yeah where it's like i'm not gonna stand by it so it's like i didn't do anything wrong like you want my empty apology fine i'm sorry you guys got like i didn't do it yeah so like it is weird when like even like like when people get mad about stuff like that like i

can't even think of another example but happens all the time yeah and what they didn't even apologize they were they did 10 minutes on why they didn't do anything wrong why would they apologize right i hate that too um the the uh at one point he like you're supposed to buy this little nft and then it can hatch and i guess the hatching didn't happen so and effectively it was just like a picture you know and at one point he goes like all nfts are just pictures bro and at one point he goes like and by the way bro like all nfts are scams like that was part of the the argument like oh i was kind of like yeah fuck yeah man yeah yeah obviously bro of all the coins we have i went and did every single one going full well they're all bullshit this is a scam yeah that might work out and that's sometimes

yeah yeah it's like we're this is a hustle it is but what But what's wild is so now CoffeeZilla has like a little army of fans. Logan Paul, we know, obviously has a huge fan base. And Logan's like, I'm suing you. So, like, get ready. And what's interesting is watching both fan bases. Like, both fan bases are absolutely sure that their person won the video exchange, you know? And it's kind of like perception is reality, so it'll just be, I don't know which

facts are right, but it's like, Logan Paul fans are like, he defended himself on every account. How do you, like, what's your comeback? And the CoffeeZilla fans are like, dude, that was pathetic. Like, seven minutes, you didn't say this, you didn't say that, but it's just gonna be about which, like, internet mob wins, you know? I like internet uh mob wins you know we've been in this fight ten thousand times yeah yeah

but it is funny when it's like you know facts don't matter it's just gonna be about who's like the loudest uh also on youtube is the crystalia uh documentary um also kind of still just skating under the radar um if what's in that is true I've also come to the realization I don't think you can believe anything's true ever again Oh I Like there's nobody you can trust Except that stuff I said about Mormons earlier

That's facts That Andrew Garfield show had no inaccuracies The only people you can trust in this world Are me and John Yeah And the only reason you can trust in this world are me and John. Yeah. I'm not even kidding. And the only reason you can trust us is because we go,

we're probably wrong. We're dumb. We're probably wrong. We will tell you if we're right. We'll tell you if we're wrong. I have no courage of my convictions. None. Oh, fuck it.

You prove that I'm wrong? Great. I'm wrong. I'm one of the dumbs. Everyone else is like, I can't. I don't know. Are you a journalist?

I don't know. Are you credible? I don't know. YouTube. Another,? I don't know. Are you credible? I don't know. YouTube. Another, this guy, Kyle Anderson is his name. He's a comic who made it. So, you know, already is kind of like. I'm such a fucking internet scumbag these days. I'm just looking for the views.

Yeah, no, he did. Half a million. Half a million. Which is, you know, not that much considering, like, what we're talking about here. Oh, you know what was interesting? Logan Paul's video got, like, twice as many thumbs down as thumbs up, which I don't think, like... 70%. 70%?

At least 70%. Yeah, that's pretty rare. So, like, it's almost like his mob is losing to the other mob, which is kind of... That's, like, that's how we decide. The court of law is, like, did you get thumbs up or thumbs down on youtube uh but this this uh special this this this documentary i say that loosely because it's like it's a comedian who like put together i know you know what he did he investigated he talked to girls who used to date or or hook up with delia and he ends up at the the back half of the whole thing as he talks to his ex tour manager so it's someone who's like directly close to D'Elia.

He puts his name and his face on the record and all of the allegations and all of the talk comes after everything became public. So like he's like all of this shit happened after he came out and apologized and all that. This is not like digging up the past. This is like he said he's sorry and he's working on everything and he's still going. I see what you're saying. So if this is true and some of the audio that is played is like him being like, it would really help me if you could delete that stuff. And this girl here is like, it's like right here almost is where he says,

like, you could delete this for me. And it's – again, if this is all true, it leans way more towards like he wants a cult than just like hooking up with chicks. He was very like – he wanted all the girls to get CD tattooed on their neck in the same spot. He wanted them to all call him Daddy. And if they would, like, tell a story about their father, he would be like, that's not your father. I'm your father. And just, like, weird. You know, normal behavior.

He would make them get on their knees. Like, get down on your knees. And, like, one girl said, like, she would be on her knees for hours at a time like weird shit like that again all allegations don't know for sure um these are girls who you know said they hooked up with him and uh like like one one girl said i i started watching when i was 14 and he allegedly wrote back like you should have reached out to me then. Like just shit. And then again, all happening after the big like scandal unfolded.

So I don't know. I never understood what happened with the D'Elia situation. It just kind of like went away. Yeah. Like there was an article on CNN about how I also didn't realize this. That's why I think that um like we made the argument before and or maybe someone else has and it's kind of ported to my brain but like the only way you can get canceled is if you just let people cancel you yeah wherever you're just

like yeah you're like okay i'm just gonna i'll take a month off and i'm just gonna keep doing my podcast and there was like a real article i'm sure you'll get i'm sure some people will be mad and some people won't be mad and And that's what's going to happen. What I don't get is there was the allegations from people on Twitter being like, me too, me too. Like the me too movement, that deluge that hit him is one thing. There was a girl who worked at a hotel who I think filed a formal complaint that he said, my air conditioning is not working. Can you come up and fix it?

And then when she showed up, he was just naked and, like, whipped his dick out. Which, by the way, as recently as 20 years ago? What? That was just, like, that was a bit in a comedy. Yeah, the naked man. Dude, the naked man, right? How I Met Your Mother. So that was in How I Met Your Mother.

But then also it was in Seinfeld Where like George was like I never thought about He took it out Huh? That where she said He took it out No no no

That was one too That was also in there It was one where Someone was just Staying there naked And George was like That's genius He's like

I've never thought about I've been so busy Focusing on getting Out of their clothes I never thought I was taking My clothes off And I think Tim Watley I think it's Brian Cranston Who took it out It wasn's like get my clothes off and I think Tim Watley

I think it's I think it's Brian Cranston who took it out it wasn't Tim I don't know it wasn't Tim Watley no

but that's another one where they're just like he took it out and everyone's laughing it's like yeah this guy on a date whipped his cock out and everyone's like

so yeah times have changed a little bit there was another one where he said allegedly said girls come back to my apartment come back to my hotel and we're having a party.

And they showed up and there was no party there. And they just said he was naked eating shrimp scampi. I don't know why he specified the shrimp scampi. But then they said when they were like, okay, we're leaving, that he chased them out the door with his dick. Weird, weird shit. Again, all allegations. But the two things in the hotel apparently were formal complaints that were either made with the hotel or with authorities.

And just like, nothing happened. Nothing happened. That is... And he's just like... I was going to say that's surprising. It's not surprising at all. I know the documentary said he's just like, you know. I was going to say that's surprising. It's not surprising at all. I know the documentary said he's banned from the comedy store,

but everywhere else, like, still doing it. He's banned from the comedy store? Yeah. That's surprising because that means that, like, some big names are like, fuck him. Yeah. Well, I think, or is it, who's the? I would think most things at, like, places like that.

I think the owner would decide that, wouldn't it? It's kind of one of those things. If your top dogs say, like, fuck this guy, then our money makers are not. It's like, yeah, Kraft has the final say, but if Brady wants this, we'll let him do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's another weird one that's just kind of floating. Speaking of Brady, the brady picture is super weird i it's one of those things where it's not as weird as people are making out to be but it's

a little bit weird it's not like at that age is he the 13 year old or 15 year old 13 okay i believe 13 a little bit better i i believe so i i i saw like one thing about it um i it's it's a little it's like i i actually don't think that sitting there is weird i i you know what now that i'm talking it out i don't think it's i don't think it's that weird all around i mean i hope that when uh my kid is when when my son is 13 that he still like likes me yeah you know like by the time you're 13 i think you know your kid's like spitting on your face um i don't think it would be my move to take a selfie of me kissing him on the neck and then take a picture of us intertwined with our legs and our toes. It's one of those things where it's like the picture.

The love is fine. I think it's the picture that's kind of weird. But even if the picture was taken by someone else, it's cute. So it's just like, I don't know. I don't know. If it's just like you with your kid, like, ah, mm. I guess, but just like, you know, your dick and balls.

I mean, first of all, I was talking about redoing the Tom Brady picture with us. We are not doing it today. Not with Mr. Fucking Moist Pants over there. You know, I don't know. It's just a little weird. It's a little weird.

It makes you go like, the same way like the kissing on the lips is like, whoa. It's your son little weird. It's a little weird. It's like, but like... It makes you go like... The same way like the kissing on the lips is like... Yeah. It's your son. You love him. And I mean, a lot of people... I think the original tweet that went viral was like really sexualizing it. They were like, that man is like his...

It's like the only thing separating his naked body from his son is a thin piece of like bathing suit. It's clothes. Yeah, it's clothes. I think that's what I'm talking about. The only thing separating his piece from his son is a thin piece of bathing suit. It's clothes. Yeah, it's clothes. Separating his piece from his kid is clothes. We like it. Really getting deep into this one. I think it's more just like it's the same thing as when you see a dad kiss someone on the lips. You just go like, whoa.

That's weird. I don't know. I think people's reaction to it, if it's very strong, is weirder than it in and of itself. I think this is much like the Skip Bailey situation. There's a history. A lot of mouth kissing between dads and sons. But that's why I think it shouldn't be surprising. It's like, yeah, no, he's affectionate with his kid.

Go back up. That would be weird if it wasn't. That looks like something you'd do with a girlfriend. That's the problem. That looks like a funny, girly, like. I wouldn't do that with a girlfriend, to be totally honest. I would do that with a girlfriend before I did it with a 13-year-old boy. Oh, yeah.

No, I'm saying I wouldn't do that with anybody. Okay. But the, yeah, no, it's a little strange, I guess. But the people guess It's like anything else The people who are overly sexualizing it You guys are the weirdos Don't put his face on Even though he put it out there I feel like it's weird

I wonder if they get made fun of at school And then he goes Back to the mansion Peace out you fucking losers I would guess they don't get made fun of My dad's Tom Brady Mom's Giselle Back to the mansion. Peace out, you fucking losers. I would guess they don't get made fun of very often. It's like, oh, yeah, that's Tom Brady. Yeah.

You're going to make fun of that? Mom's Giselle. Go ahead. Try. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my dad loves me too much. Tom Brady loves me too much. Real quickly, just run through Andrew Tate and Greta battled.

They had a beef. Andrew Tate got arrested for human trafficking. I guess what he does is not human trafficking but he has i think he has like basically like one of those rooms in taken set up where um like there's just a bunch of webcam girls all in like one warehouse and they're like doing webcam shit and i guess they're there like on their own will and like making money but i'm sure like weird shit goes down with some of them. So that's what this human trafficking is. They're being recorded at all times

while they're in this room that's designed to just have a bunch of webcam girls. Why is everyone so goddamn fucking weird? Why are people writing to that? This is a fucking heavy one-minute section, by the way. We've covered potential incest, fucking

domestic assault,, potential death, scamming for money. We're doing, yeah, this is the news. I mean, it's just the world, unfortunately. I just can't believe, like, much like the Nazi Pope, you're gonna ride for entertain like like okay maybe he's not like a full-blown human trafficking kidnapper but there's not enough smoke for you to be like i'm out on this guy yeah you know i'm all set on this guy even the video of him that's consensual with the chick he fucking whacks her and she came out and was like it's it's all consensual but like he fucking creams her her head like was bobble and like it was i don't want to see it it's like

they're they're role playing and he's like tell the camera like why you have bruises on you and he she's supposed to say like because if i misbehave daddy hits me and she is and she misspeaks though she says like because i didn't behave so daddy hit me and he's like that's not what i fucking said and he like mid-sentence like and you see her like and she's crying and he's like pushing her head in the bed and then afterwards she was what and then afterwards video just put out yeah well it was leaked um but she's like that was consensual like that's how i like to have sex and i'm like i that. But I think you have some issues. And I think anybody that does that has some issues.

And I don't want to kink shame, but that was fucking weird. I'll fucking kink shame. You're making people cry in bed. Too much. You're probably going to shame them. Too far. Yeah. That's just too far.

So it's like, I don't know. Ride for the top G. You're a fucking loser. What is that? That's just his nickname. I'm the top G. He's a fucking loser. He's the biggest fucking loser in the world. What is that? That's just his nickname on the top G. He's a fucking loser. He's the biggest fucking loser

in the world. Is that new? I feel like I've seen that a good amount. No, I think he's just truly popped now to the mainstream. But I've seen Andrew Tate for like a year. That's what I mean. I think all of his things are now the nicknames or the sayings. All of Andrew Tate

culture is now out there which is just fucking wild um and last off uh we had we had some internet 1.0 type behavior going on over the break during the bowl games where we had the peach bowl girl versus the rose bowl girl was that what it was uh cotton ball cotton bowl versus the peach bowl girl? Was that what it was? Cotton Bowl. Cotton Bowl versus the Peach Bowl. So there was two hot chicks in the crowd for each of these football games. Now both of them are getting millions of likes on their videos.

And what's crazy is that this is Pamela Anderson was at a CFL football game when a talent scout saw her in the crowd and was like, that chick is a smoke. No way, really? And that's how she got her start. I didn't know that. We had Jen Sturger got her start being the FSU girl.

And now, so that was, you know, 40 years ago. Don't forget, what's her name? 20 years ago. Two weeks ago. Yep, yep. Every, every. That was Burt Musburger's last nut. That was the best.

That was amazing. That sound you hear is every red-blooded american uh but like hot girls at a football game will play forever but now it's like boom you become famous like overnight um but lest we forget that this right here these these tiktoks went viral because people were like yo somebody find me this girl. Who is she? And lest we forget, the Smoke Patrol. That was one of the greatest things. I will say this. The greatest show of power of Barstool Sports was the Smoke Patrol.

Oh, yeah. We found them 10 out of 10 times. Like Dave tried to make SafeMoon become a great investment. We've tried to sell tickets and merch on all these different things tried to sell watches we've tried to do sports books everything right the most powerful thing we did was from like 2000 well i did i don't know when he started but i 2009 when i started in new york through like 2015 ish i think eventually we had to kind of tail it off, was we would put a picture of a hot girl up and say, send out the smoke patrol and within

three minutes, I would have that girl's first and last name, where she went to school, her social security number, how old she was, and what her favorite color was. It was in send out the smoke patrol on this BPW worker. What?

What is that? Boston Public Works or some shit? That's fucking... Yo, for real, who is that? I probably took this picture myself. You really probably did. If there's no hat tip on, I probably took this picture myself. You really did. I think you did.

I started it with, can I be sexist for a second? What exactly is this girl's job? She's not laying pavement. Dude, that is a funny thing. She's not breaking it up. When you walk around the streets of New York and there's a construction, it is 100% the time a woman holding the time.

Slow, stop, slow, stop. Every time. It's like, all right, they were like, you got to hire ladies, too. What are we going to do with the ladies? But Smoke Patrol used to be like, exactly. This is, this right, they were like, you got to hire ladies, too. What are you going to do with the ladies? But Smoke Patrol used to be like, exactly. I'm going to do this whole thing in a British accent. It's Andrew Tate improv. And I'm like, over here, bro, what you going to do?

Oh, the stop sign, would you? You're not turning it fast enough. Smoke Patrol used to be like hot chicks in the crowd or like famous people paparazzi pictures and then eventually it just got down to like, who is this woman I saw? It was literally can you guys tell me who this woman I saw was? And every time, there was this girl.

Google, Google Oh my god. What was that? Is that an airhead? What is that? It's a laughy taffy. I don't even like banana flavored stuff. Disgusting. That's awful.

I'm hungry. Google, in quotes, village poorhouse, P-O-U-R-H-O-U-S-E. Ass. BarstoolSports.com. I want to see if this works. 2014. Yeah, so this is... So, I bet I mentioned it in my blog and, like, linked to it. Yeah, the perfect butt. Click that link.

I don't think it's going to work. No, no, no. Go back. The picture definitely won't work. But the link right above that picture. The perfect butt from the Village Poorhouse. Nah. This girl.

It's funny because now, again, Instagram, like a million butts look like this. There was this chick. I think she was a hostess at the Poorhouse wearing these yoga pants that were so tight. And she just had the perfect ass. And I just fucking took a picture of it and put it on the website. And it was like, yeah, the smoke patrol. Can we find this girl?

And I think we found her. Actually, I know we found her and I'm pretty sure I talked to her. I don't remember who it was. If you would like to reach out again, go ahead. But I remember being like on Facebook, probably being like, yeah, like free, you know, free ticket store, this or that. If you ever want to reach out again, go ahead. But I remember being like on Facebook, probably being like, yeah, like free ticket store, this or that, if you ever want to come, like whatever. But just being like you have the perfect button.

But, I mean, what a weird time that was. The guy who does the Barstool Sports History Podcast, he's been posting a couple things, KFC Radio. Oh, this was great. This is one of your best things What did you call this? Like action news or something like that? Yeah I forgot about it

The Dave was furious No one was at the office The day he got hit by a car So I went to the office The next day they had a full news report on it The old lady who ran into it right? Yeah

But it didn't It was just like an old lady who tapped it right? Yeah So I did a A reenactment right? I did a full news report on it Yeah the old lady Who ran into it right Yeah yeah yeah But it didn't It was just like an old lady Who tapped it right Yeah So I did a A reenactment right I did a reenactment I drove my own truck My own jeep into the building

You just like tapped it Yeah Great moment Great times Great times But the What I was going to say If you want to talk about

The power of the smoke patrol Is this is I broke my thumb Like the first The first attempt At catching this This is This is hard

So if we could Actually Alright I'm going to tell We're getting jumbled real quick So what Pat is showing us Is the parcel sports NFL punch challenge Round one

We're going to get to that Because that's That's a crazy day It's all down The But what I was just going to say Was the The power of the smoke patrol. This is the best example of it.

The send out the smoke patrol made Jared Krabus a multimillionaire. Because of his girlfriend, right? It was his girlfriend who was on it. I blogged that. I remember, dude. It's our meme. It's our meme. Our dominoes meme.

I remember I was at a bar in Newport. It was like a summer. I was living in Newport. I was at a bar. And, you know, it was those days where you're always, like, fucking on your phone, checking out shit. And I was at O'Brien's. And my apartment at the time wasn't far from O'Brien's.

And I was like, I got to go blot this shit. Like, I got to go shoot. It was that hot? Yeah. A lot of people had, like, emailed it in. Oh, okay. Where I was like, I got to go blog this shit. I got to go use that hot. Enough people had emailed it in where I was like, I got to go blog this. So I went back to my department, blogged it, went back out,

and then Karabas DM'd me. But I couldn't DM because I didn't want to... He probably just tweeted at me or whatever. And I probably clicked on his profile and saw he had a couple thousand followers or whatever he had. And so I followed him and then we ended up talking a bit.

And I don't remember how quickly it was from then but he came in pretty soon thereafter with to come in for a meeting and then he got hired and then now he works at draft kings and makes millions of dollars uh we can move on we'll move we'll do um let's just do like one, who's the asshole from the game? We have the game floating around? God, my fucking assholes. Jesus Christ. No, it's just the cheeks. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we do got to put that out. God. Bro, touch it again. I prefer not to. Dude, it's so wet. It's cool. Let me get in the middle there. You're disgusting.

You are a disgusting creature. Bro, I don't know. Well, you just did. It might have been gross. It oddly doesn't smell. Well, shit. It doesn't smell. Sweat doesn't smell until it's fucking old.

All right. Who's the biggest asshole? My friend wore a racially insensitive costume for Halloween when we were 15. I think it's funny to show people. Who is he, Kevin Garnett? Who is he, Paul Gosinski? I think it's funny to show people the pictures because it was more than 10 years ago. But people said it was a dick move.

The fact that it was more than 10 years ago is precisely why you can't show the pictures. Because we are now living in a time where you can't do that. I do like the idea of a statute of limitations. However, the world does not agree with me. The world does, though. To some extent. I don't know, it was a long time ago.

No one gets in real trouble for their fucking... I mean, blackface isn't going to get you in trouble. But if you do it now, if you get an old picture of you in blackface, you're okay. Okay, but you're not. I would guess we have over ten elected politicians currently serving who have been involved in blackface scandals. And Trudeau is like Mr. Blackface. It's like his last thing.

Trudeau does it every time he gets out of the shower. His last thing legacy. Trudeau only uses charcoal face wash. Crazy. But I still think I don't think you can get away with it. I don't think you're going to get fired anymore. I don't think it's going to be the end of the world, but like

you'll get in trouble. It'll be a thing. If you go viral for a blackface in any way, you're going to get some heat. Unless you're good at your job. Oh yeah, you'll probably get fired unless you're good at your job. Like everything. way, you're going to get some heat. Unless you're good at your job. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll probably get fired unless you're good at your job. Like everything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to experience some trouble. I also think it depends on how good the costume was. If you really knock it out of the park. And also, let's not forget. If you're going to... I don't even want to do this

because I don't want this to happen. But you can't just let Robert Downey Jr. slide on Tropic Thunder if you're gonna hang everybody else over here. Yeah. You know, it's like,

what's the argument there? It was a really fucking awesome movie. That's what your argument is, right? It is. People are like, it's satire. I'm like, I don't fucking know what that means.

Yeah. So stop saying it. It's like, no, it was just fucking funny. And like he played a black guy. Can anyone in here tell me what satire is? No, no one knows what satire is. No, people, it's fallen in the same boat.

It's their catch all for like, I said something offensive. Like truly true satire is just what you're like. The only way I use it. Making fun of a topic or a person or a thing in an ironic way. The use of humor and irony to ridicule and expose. So it's like... So how is that satire? It's not.

That's what I mean. That becomes gaslighting. They're just saying it. Right. I know there have been many a time in basketball sports history when it was like, it's satire. And I was like, I don't fucking think that was satire. No, okay, here's a good example of satire. PFT

with PFT commentary. That's satire. You're acting it out and being over the top to make commentary on how stupid you think these people are. But you're doing it. That's the only example I've ever been able to use my entire life

that's why he's the best that's why he's really that's why that is truly funny because that is true satire I remember when I was in college

and the Colbert report was on and I lived with three kids from Texas and I was the one who told them this is not real so you guys know

he's a democrat and they were like wait what that's what's scary is that a lot of people don't recognize the satire. But then also now the pendulum swings back where it's like, Andrew Tate is satire. It's like, no, that dude fucking hates women and loves to fuck them.

And like, you know, like that's not everything satire. How the hell do you know what's satire? I'll tell you, I've never been satirical in my life. I mean, I'm sure you have here and there I just try and be funny Yes that's what I mean We use it as like I made a joke that was like

Insensitive and then you go oh it's satire Right it's not I was trying to make a joke you didn't like it We've definitely done some examples of Satire here and there where you're just kind of Alluding to somebody or you know like I don't bro I don't think I'm smart enough to of satire here and there where you're just kind of alluding to somebody or, you know, like here. Bro, I don't think I'm smart enough to do satire. I don't.

I didn't know what it meant until ten minutes ago. I feel like one time we like. Two minutes ago. I feel like we scripted like a who's the biggest asshole one time and it was like about somebody here and we were like acting it out. Remember that? Is that satire? Oh, I remember what it was. Yeah. Do you remember what it was? I think it was Grudgeman Day Dave, right? It was. No acting it out. Remember that? Is that satire? Oh, I remember what it was.

Do you remember what it was? I think it was Grudgement Day, Dave, right? It was, no, it was AFC Championship, Dave. I brought my girlfriend to a brunch. I brought my girlfriend to a live stream football game because we were like going to brunch afterwards or went to brunch first, right? And that wasn't satire.

That was just me telling a's what, that was just me telling a story that made sense. But I think we were like acting it out almost. But I was telling the story about when Dave was furious

because I brought a girl to a watch party. Yeah. And he's like, what are you fucking doing, dude? But that's what I mean. I think that, I think that would be satirical

is then we are, are, you know, making up a scenario and playing it out and doing the same exact thing he did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think that's – because I don't know satire well enough, I refuse to call anything I've ever done satire. I try and be funny. Sometimes I'm funny.

Sometimes I'm not. That's it. Right. And when you're not, you just say, it's satire, dude. No. No, that's not how it fucking works. Anyway, one more, and then we'll do voicemails. My husband's hair is going gray, and I'm making him dye it so I don't feel old being around him.

I think that gray hair is hot. I think that. I do, too, but it's one of those things. I've been told by people with gray hair. Now I am getting cold because my sweat is drying. Yeah, that's the worst. I'm pretty sure you're going through crack withdrawals. That's what a crackhead does in an alley.

It's like, Dennis, I'm so hot, but so cold all at the same time. What do you call it? I've been told by people with gray hair that it's hot in idea, and then you get it, and you look in the mirror. I don't know. You know who I heard from, ghosts from Christmas past? YP. Oh, yeah?

YP texted me and said, I just got a haircut, and this chick gave me the KFC. She was like, it must have been like a Fleischman disciple. Just straight up gave me the KFC. And she did, but that's salt and pepper? YP's got a little pepper in there? I think that looks great. I think that looks great. I think there's also a difference between silver and gray.

Because my beard gets red, black, and gray. That's tough. Then it just looks like blah. But I think if you get some good salt and pepper, I don't know. Maybe I'll get it and I'll be wrong and I'll feel old. But if it happens to me, I'm... Also, it's different if you have lighter hair. You don't see it as much.

If you started to go gray, I don't even know if you would see it. Yeah. I probably would. Mix it with the ginger. But it is the meanest thing you can say. It's just like, I don't want to be around because it makes me feel old. Yeah, that's what's fucked up. But also, I feel like anyone...

You're looking old, so that makes me feel old because I'm dating you is fucked. I think I make people feel old being around me. It's not my look, but my actions are very much that of an old man. Just the noises. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, my parents kind of didn't go full tilt with it, but they kind of don't let me eat with them anymore. Because it's just disgusting sounds? It's just like, ugh.

Bro. It's like you're a horse eating out of a trough. It's not even sounds I'm making like bro it's like you're like a horse eating out of a trough it's not it's not even sounds i'm making with my mouth it sounds like bodies yeah just like gargling no it's my fucking it's my mom says it reminds me of her grandpa of her father um that's not good and it's like she's like those guys are like depression veterans you know just like their sounds were not good i mean i've done it before i'll do it again it is like it's when you like this is what like this is what it sounds like listening to me eat oh the j yeah yeah yeah you sound like a horse it is she's like she's like can you just can you just shut up stop yeah can you i'm like i can't just shut up i don't know what to tell you you

need to just chew like like And you know what sucks too? Because I saw someone quote tweeted something the other day about how you fucking... Guys, how you can slim your face down. It's chewing gum an hour a day. Yeah, you can't do that. That's also not true. Fuck out of here. No?

You chew gum an hour a day? No, but like... But you got a fat ass face. If you have face fat, you're not... Gum ain't fixing it. You gotta get like liposuction and that's it. There's no way to like work... This is not like, you know...

Maybe right here a little bit, but that's it. What's that buckle fat? Yeah. Is that what it's pronounced? Bro, those bitches... Jackie, let's talk about that. What's up with these bitches all getting their fucking cheeks sucked down? No, I wanna do that.

No. Why not? Because when you're old, you're going to look like a ghoul. Because it's going to hang. Have you ever seen the surgery? No. It's wild. It's wild.

Let me see if I can find you a good one. Bro, I hate articles. If your fucking headline is a question, the article should say yes or no. Yes, agreed. Does chewing gum help your jawline? Yes or no? It seems like it. Have you heard of mewing?

What's that? Have you heard of mewing? What's that? Have you heard of mewing? Mewing? Mewing is more of like a scientific way to chisel your jaw. It's like you put your tongue on the top of your mouth and you swallow all day. What? I can kind of see that. I just feel like you've get like coked up close your lips

move your jaws so that the front bottom teeth are just behind your front upper teeth cover the roof of your mouth with your tongue place the tip of your tongue right behind your front teeth without touching what? I don't even understand the fucking instructions here

cover the roof of your mouth with your tongue I did it like three times in a row and now I'm like, it's like burning. I can't, I don't know how to do this. What do you mean? Look at me. Like push your tongue

into the top of your... So two separate motions. One to the roof of my mouth and one to the tip of my teeth. Kinda. Just like push your tongue up again. Pat is like. Dude, look at this. This is the buccal fat or buccal or whatever I say getting removed.

I hope this is a good one that shows it. It's just like a. How long was the surgery done? No, no, no. It's fine. It's just like a yellow. No. No, listen.

Listen, it's not that bad. It looks like a sponge. When I first saw it, I was like, this is not real. This must be like... I couldn't believe this was actual fat. No. Look. Just look. Don't be a pussy. Look. I'm looking. They just pull that yellow thing out. It looks like an egg yolk.

Look at that. And they just go yoink. And then that's gone. I don't like this stuff at all. I don't like this stuff at all. And then you just don't have any fat but like when you get old you're supposed to do now is just to do them you're gonna look like this like take out the muscles of your jaw and then that sums your face it's gonna be better than take out the is soal fat. That is so insane. You're going to take the muscles out of your jaw?

It's my next. It's your next one? It's my next one. Or the people who get the cat eye hook? Yeah, that one's a lot. That's insane too. They go into your face, they take a literal hook,

and they put it like around the skin, and they pull it back so you get the cat eye. Most girls just put like little eye shadow on so it goes like this some girls get their fucking eye lid pulled back and you have to like get surgery like in the back of your head yeah they just pull like the

whole thing back and then you hit like 40 and you're like you look like a freak but then you can get it undone, right? I don't know. I don't think so. Take out the skin. And if you take out the fat,

yeah, like your skin shrinks to it. Yeah, the buccal fat thing, like you just look old. Once you get old, you look really old. You look old. Yeah. Because actually, aging well is about having fat kind of.

When you're like, yeah, we're going to age well, man. That's why guys age well because we're skinny fat. All right, voicemails, and then we'll get out of here. Four-hour pod for you, boys. All right, boys, I was just watching the episode where Fight said he was intrigued by female Tommy Smokes. And I'm going to be honest with you, I've jerked off to female Tommy Smokes multiple times. Smokes got tit.

Smokes got tit. Smoke's got tit. I'm kind of getting fucking turned on by regular time to smoke. Regular time to smoke is a lot more content than female time to smoke. It's just a lot more internet minutes to go around. So yeah, basically, what's y'all weirdest jerk off moment?

What is y'all most unproud of fat? I'll tell you what. It's not as bad as Tom's camelli. Tommy is such, is so vain and such a... He's like

incredibly vain. He desires the spotlight and fame and attention so much that he's going to think that's a good thing. He's done a good job. He's going to love that. That that weird dude with that ponytail is jerking off to him. He's going to be like, oh, my God, I'm so flattered.

He is. And he means it. It's not an act. It's not a bit. He wants the attention that bad that he loves that that guy's jerking off to him. Like, I talk to Tommy fairly regularly. Not best friends, but I talk to Tommy a lot more than I talk to most people here. It's not...

He's just been able to turn it into a character. It's not a character. It's just like... Which I think is the most organic way. It's like the Mets for me. I started a podcast and I'm this Mets character, but I like the Mets.

Tommy's a fan of himself. He should do electric fan of himself. Tommy's a... He should do electric chairs for himself. Watching Tommy's post-contest. This guy's the best! My least proud fap? Come on. Jesus Christ.

You know what the problem is? I'm kind of proud of a lot of them. Yeah? Like, there's ones that I'm not proud of and then I'm kind of proud of a lot of them. There's ones that I'm not proud of and then I'm like, fuck it, who cares? What if I get your rocks off? I guess I'm not proud of it. There was probably some time where I would have fucking

been ashamed of a chick with a dick and now I'm like, whatever. Do you think you're ever going to fuck a transvestite Kevin like you're going to Eddie Murphy was Eddie Murphy

got caught with one yeah but I also think so did Jackie's got intimate knowledge of 1990s I think Hugh Grant

did too right did Hugh Grant I think so it happens with a lot of celebrities so this is why I would venture to guess it kind of

it's the next frontier. It's what happened when people were just fucking nonstop. They needed another thing to fuck. We're not doing that. We're just watching porn. By the way, speaking of porn. Do tell. Go on.

State of Louisiana. To watch Pornhub now, you got to put in your fucking government ID. That is a gross miscarriage of freedom and justice in this country. That is unconstitutional. That is not what this country is about. Our founding fathers are turning over in their graves, and we need to raid the Capitol right now. Because I'll tell you what it is, John.

It's a slippery slope. It starts in Louisiana, and the next thing you know, all these states are falling. And it starts with your government ID. And next thing you know, you're not allowed to jerk off. Bro, I was thinking about this. What does this even mean? I was thinking about this for the poor 16-year-olds who can't click I am 18 enter anymore. But it's even worse for the people who are 18.

And you're like, well, now I have to put in my ID? I don't want you to know what I'm watching. This is crazy. There is some government team out there who wants to track the pornography habits of 18-year-old kids. Yeah. Guys and girls.

All people. Right, but yes. But specifically teenagers. There are teenagers who we are tracking their pornography habits right now. Yes. habits of 18 year old kids yeah guys and girls all people right but yes but specifically teenage there are teenagers who we are tracking their pornography habits right now yes deplorable disgusting it is it's it's it's i don't like to throw this word around lightly it is really problematic what do you do so you you put in what you're like you put your license in your drive you you you have to scan like a picture or you yeah i would get i will honestly like like a number do the barstool sports book um like i have to i have to send my

picture my id to prove that i'm 21 um i'll tell you man if i imagine louisiana whatever the equivalent of this for the boston tea party is if i was in louisiana i'd be doing this right now fucking dumping loads i would be coming all over Capitol Hill. Don't you fucking break the levees with a bunch of loads. Levee loads. Watch out. Yo, that is nuts. I'm gonna have to talk to

our girl, Aria, about that. What's up with fucking Louisiana? That is deplorable. Yeah. It's a shocking, shocking move. Yeah, I think the only thing really to do is just come in the ocean a lot. That's the only thing. I think I'll stand brother in arms with Louisiana,

and I will jerk off and watch porn freely for you tonight. God, that is crazy. Bro, imagine that came up here. Again, this is probably one of those things where I think I've said in the past when horrible things happen in the country and they show the map of where the bad things are happening and where normal things are happening. And it's usually that top right corner is usually like,

hey, we're pretty good. Everything's pretty good over here. I like to think that no matter... We'll always usually like, hey, we're pretty good. Everything's pretty good over here. I like to think that no matter... We'll always stay strong. I think we're always good. The moment we're not good, I'll leave the country. Cayman Islands, here I come. I got it.

See you later. No loyalty to this place. I'll be down there with Armie Hammer. See you later. All right, next up. What's up, Kevin, John, the crew? Kind of got an am I the asshole for you. So, let me paint the picture.

Last year, my girlfriend invites me to this wedding. Wedding is apparently for a childhood best friend, right? She says they stay close through college, they would do sleepovers, yada yada yada, all the fucking dumb shit that girls do. However, girlfriend didn't get put in the wedding. We barely caught an invite towards like, it's probably like two months before the whole fucking thing. And she was still hopeful that this is her best friend. But before I even found out about the wedding, I made plans for my birthday that just happened to be the same fucking day as the wedding. So I have to go and cancel these plans because she's calling me crying saying that I don't support her.

And that this is her best friend. And that I'm being an asshole for not like sitting and listening and understanding and I just want to know am I the asshole for telling this girl after she calls me out that she's just the biggest idiot ever and this girl can't be that close to her friend if she's not gonna one put her in the fucking wedding she had 15 bridesmaids it wasn't like she had like three or four she had 15 she didn't put her in there and then we barely even caught an invite and i think it was honestly because her mom reached out to the girl's mom so am i the asshole for being mad that i had to skip my birthday and my birthday plans to go to this shitty wedding where mind you they fucking didn't even have a dj they had one of the groomsmen with his fucking ipod playing ox and he

just kept fucking going over and over again walk a fuck of no hands and like every time he would come on he would do one of those like oh shit dude look across the bar it's just the worst day ever um all right so i i i i don't i'm not saying this is what he is I think people who are like It's my birthday I can't do anything else I think he's just kind of saying It just happened to be my birthday I would have preferred to do something I wanted to do I guess but I don't know

I think you're not the asshole for being upset about this wedding I think you are the asshole for being like It ruined my birthday plans Yeah yeah yeah If I had I guess if somehow I said It's my birthday I want Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, if I had, if I had, I guess if somehow I said, like, it's my birthday,

I want to, like, go to this restaurant tonight. That would be the extent of, like, my plans. And then I found out that, like, someone had a wedding or whatever,

I'd be like, oh, all right, I'll just go to the wedding. Even, dude, my plans would be, it's my birthday, someone pick a fucking restaurant to go to.

Yeah, right, right, right. And then, and then if someone picked a wedding, I'd be like, okay. Yeah, yeah, right. But it sounds like the bigger part is that you just went to a shitty wedding that you got dragged to. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. And then if someone picked a wedding, I'd be like, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Right. But it sounds like the bigger part is that you just went to a shitty wedding that you got dragged to.

That's a different story. No, the biggest part for me is how my goddamn girlfriend keeps saying it's her best friend. I'm like, what are you talking about? Yeah. Right. There's a full high school football team on the altar right now. Yeah. And you're clearly not up there.

Yeah. What do you mean it's your best friend's wedding? If you're not making the cut of like 15. 15 is crazy. Jackie, how many bridesmaids would you have right's your best friend's wedding? If you're not making the cut of like 15... 15 is crazy. Jackie, how many bridesmaids would you have right now if you had a wedding? Someone's at home listening going,

list of seven or not. I'd say like six, eight. Yeah, that's good. That's good. I remember his girlfriend a few years back. The girlfriend made me cry when she dumped me. And we were never, like, discussing marriage. But we were just talking about, like, weddings.

And it was like, how many bridesmaids? Basically, we're just doing Jackie right now. And it was like, how many bridesmaids would you have? And she was like, I forget what her number was. It might have been. It wasn't that high. It was not 15. But it was still, like forget what her number was. It might have been. It wasn't that high. It was not 15. But it was still like made me gas.

I was like, you're going to have 12? I was like, I have to make eight new friends. We're going to need standards. I'm going to have to hire actors. I wasn't going to invite 12 people. You're going to have 12 on the stage. I was like, I don't know. And again, we weren't talking about getting married it was just like a yeah discussion about weddings and uh i was like i don't even know how i'm gonna

compete i remember having thinking to myself like because i think i had i think i had like eight guys and i think i almost had like i was dictating it more than than the grooms than the girls were really but i was like i had my brother i had like two friends that like i've known since first grade and then i did basically like anybody i like ever lived with yeah and i like had a couple different roommates i was like i live with those three guys i live with him i live with him and next thing you know it was eight and i was like fuck and even then it was like there was a couple hurt feelings and some people that were like, oh, really? Not really, but I was like, you know, I could have had more, put it that way.

But I was like, you got to draw the line somewhere. Because then all of a sudden if you start to let this guy in, then that guy in, and that guy in, and the next thing you know, it's like there's no rules. So I think I cut it to like you have to be a lifelong friend or I lived with you for like a prolonged period of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Otherwise, you're gone. But it can add up quick if you have like any sort of

extended like family or if you got cousins or all that shit. I think it's better to just go nothing. Go nothing. Or do like bridesmaid, best man. Yeah, done. Don't even deal with the bull. But like I

can't imagine a world where I get upset. And maybe it's because I'm fucking annoying. No, but girls are very different. But you said even in your thing, there were some hurtful. Even I'm like remote. I might fucking bust your balls for literally one second. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that is.

The ball busting is for sure happening, but I do not care. As a matter of fact, I don't have to get the talks. I don't have to be there early for pictures. Right, right, right. Exactly. I love not being in the wedding. Right. So. I don't have to get to talk So I don't have to be there Early for pictures Right right right I love not being in the wedding Right So I don't want to give

A god damn speech I haven't been to a wedding In years And I didn't get a fucking speech yet Yeah Because I was the only one That I got invited to And I'm like

I don't Now I have to fucking Watch what I'm drinking And Behave myself Stay a little bit sober Be a functioning human I have to be remotely sober

For three hours of this wedding Fuck that. I can't even imagine how moist your pants are at a wedding. Everyone's getting ready, slugging beers. I'm like, I have to fucking talk in five hours. I can't even start. I can't even start. I can't even start up until this is over.

Yeah, that's the fuck. I don't start until it's the cocktail hour. And then you can catch up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll hold that cocktail in time to get a speech. Right. And then we do what up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll have like, I'll hold that cocktail in time to get a speech. Right. And then we do what we call binge drinking. All right, last voicemail.

What's up, boys? KFC fights. Jackie. What's up, Jackie? So I got a story. It might take a little long, but I'm trying to get through it as fast as possible. Dates back about three or four years ago to my freshman year of college. I'm a senior now.

That guy's a senior in college? So after my freshman year of college, I get a call from my high school girlfriend. She's in the hospital. I don't know what the fuck this is about. She had visited me at school about eight, nine months prior. Oh, God. Apparently, she had what's called a cryptic pregnancy, where she didn't even know she was pregnant. So she was at school doing fucking drugs, drinking the entire time.

And she looked fucking skinny. I'm not kidding. I saw her in person. She did not look big a couple weeks prior. And she calls me and says that she's pregnant and then i'm the dad because the dates do add up i'm not knocking that they did add up and then so for the next two weeks i completely ice my friends do not talk to them like do not want because i mean i can't go out i got this going on i don't want them to know what's going on

until i know for sure so So I go for two weeks to her house after my fucking summer job just taking care of a baby. Just changing diapers, doing all this shit. I didn't realize that baby was a baby. Spider-Man with its children's first movie. That was pretty badass.

But other than that, it was pretty fucking weird. And then we take the con swap tests for like the dna we do two of them they come back i'm not the dad be it the baby did not look like me that might just be in my head but like i don't know i don't know if babies look like, but I don't think it looked like me. And so I'm not the dad, whatever. I play it cool. Like, I'm like, hey, I'm sorry, blah, blah, blah. Like, I'm not the dad, but, like, I'm here. Like, if you ever need to talk, I'm not talking to you.

But just to be nice to say that. And then about a year goes by i see her friends out and they talk to me about it i'm like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah then i get a fucking text from her like two days later saying how fucking nuts it is that i'm talking about this like a year went by people fucking know like a year i'm made out to look like an asshole fucking telling my friends about it and then also just talking to her friends about it who mentioned it to me and then so i'm i might be the asshole there i don't think i'm the asshole for telling my friends for that anyways about two weeks ago i saw somebody out of the bar and they told me she's going around telling people that i walked

out on this kid fucking i got two things the of DNA telling me I didn't do this. I fucking signed that goddamn birth certificate to be the dad, give it my last name. Luckily, I was able to rescind it after 30 days when I found out. But, like, is that not the fucking most nuts story you ever heard? I was 18 years old when i that's pretty bad my answer is no but but it's a fucking bad one hurt heard similar story dude apparently she just helped i mean the cryptic i've heard those stories i've never heard of a i think i think i think it's usually uh usually like coupled with with an eating disorder or something where a girl's body is just totally out of whack, missing her period.

She was used to missing her period anyway. She barely puts on weight. Next thing you know, you're six months pregnant, and you have this baby. I don't get how it happens. I think there's got to be like some level of like the mother did know and didn't suppresses it or just ignores it or whatever. But I mean, to even this guy, even to like come and be like, yeah, I'll like watch Spider-Man with the baby or something like that. I mean, you're 18 years old

and you get a call and it just says you're the dad and the baby's already here is fucking insanity yeah hang on a second but I'm also so jealous

of him man why dude that relief that post pregnancy scare relief that that's not that's not post pregnancy

that's post like birth yeah I know that's post human but That's post-human Post-pregnancy is like Someone's up there looking out for me That's one of those moments I swear, I'm going to clean up my act

I'm never going to do it again Thank you for that one The cotton swab in the mouth This is not your kid Is I am not the father We've seen the fucking... the dance when it was on Bori. I mean, it's pure

elation. Dude, I can't tell you. I almost want this to happen, you know what I mean? Yeah, dude, for sure. To ride the high. I want to... If you are susceptible to cryptic pregnancy, holl at your boy. It is fucking...

I mean, that's gotta... When somebody calls you and says, like, yeah, eight months ago, remember? Nine months ago. And you're like, yep. And you're like, well, I'm pregnant, and it's here, and I didn't know about it. And you're just like, the whirlwind you've got to go through. You don't tell any of your friends. You don't tell any of your family. But see, that's the bullshit, too.

I probably would have killed myself. Where she's like, I think we both deal with on occasion where you get someone who's like, what you're telling people? Like, yeah, it happened to me. Yeah, right. I signed a goddamn birth certificate. Yeah, I told people. It's part of my story, too.

It's part of my life, too. That's obviously something I'm rather defensive about like yes it fucking like yeah it's my story too I still

get DMs you're fucking I'm like yeah I'm talking about it because it's mine it fucking happened to me it's more my story than your story

fuck you yeah that I mean I couldn't handle that as an adult let alone at 18 fuck out of here it is I can't even 18 is I can, let alone at 18. Get the fuck out of here. It is.

I can't even. 18 is. I can barely log in in Louisiana and watch porn, and I got to fucking raise your cryptic baby? Your mystery baby? It is. Dude, we've said it time and time again. It should just be necessary at the fucking birth.

Just do a DNA test. Yeah, just straight up. Every marriage, you automatically get a prenup, and every birth automatically gets a DNA test. Yeah, just straight up. Every marriage, you automatically get a prenup, and every birth automatically gets a DNA test. Why would you not want that? Hey, let's just be sure. Let's just be sure. Well, I can see some people who don't want that.

Well, yeah. Those are the people who need that. Let's just be 100% positive whose kid this is. Did you finish White Lotus? I didn't even start it. I thought you were watching it. No, I watched episode 6.

There's a scene where some people interpreted it as paternity test. Anyway, never mind. That guy, if someone drops that on you bro at any if you kill any of the humans involved in that situation i don't even think i blame you at 18 like that's a nice time for that because guess what bro things are gonna start looking up you're gonna

yeah for real you're gonna get to college you'd be like these chicks don't get cryptic pregnant that's awesome that has got to be the all-time like you could get like hit by a car the next day and it's like whatever dude i don't have a cryptic baby hey but that's also bullshit to be then you run around telling people that i walked out on the baby right yeah because because you know what that's like a rape accusation that sticks yeah right people are just gonna call you a deadbeat when he's like yo fucking i got the papers right here dude i think i don't know if that's easy. I'd be like, oh, actually, she's fucking insane.

Well, yeah, but you have to tell your story. Right. Like, if somebody just says, oh, yeah, that guy walked out on me, your first thought isn't like, did you ever correct your baby and lie about it? Dude, there are people I've met my first time. You lying. I don't know about that. Yeah, that's true.

That's true. That is true. Seems like. As long as I know the other person to do it,. I don't know about that. Yeah, that's true. That's true. That is true. Seems like, as long as I know the other person too, but I've met them even once. I'm going to believe this person. I don't think that's the vibe I got from them. Right, right, right.

Fucking cryptic babies. That's probably not even what it was at all. You probably just fucking lied the whole time. You dumb bitch. Me too, too, baby. All right. Abella Danger's on the show. She's the queen.

She is a master debater literally let's do it let me read these ads ready to rock yes what are we rocking like a marvel outfit here we're doing the superhero thing this is not my usual aesthetic okay i'm subjected to this weather you are a colossal pussy when it comes to weather. Yeah. You can't handle even like anything below like 70. This is not my usual aesthetic. My friends hate me, and it's honestly not even funny,

but I'm like, I'm iron deficiency anemic. I always get cold, and they roast me about it all the time. Girls always got something. Could you imagine if I was like, I'm anemic, and I got iron deficiency, and I'm so cold right now. I'd be like, shut up. You're just fucking cold. You're on your period.

Give me a second. Let me prove my case. Let me prove my case. I'm trying to get the civic action award. So I have to do like all these random tasks. And then I build up points. And then I'll get like an award for my school like at the end of the year. And it's like dumb shit.

And one of them is donating blood. So I was like, cool. I'm going to get 10 points from going and donating blood. And then I go and they tell me your iron is too low. So I put it in the thing. Getting your blood rejected is like, fuck, man. Yeah, they did not want it. Or rather, my body could not handle myself without it.

But, yeah, it really is a thing. I tried to get an award like that. Actually, it wasn't an award I was trying to get in school. You did? I was trying to get in school. You did? I was trying to get extra credit to pass. That's a little different. That makes sense. That was a desperation move for sure. I was taking a... Remember Rudy? Rudy just comes in.

Rudy just... Just come on in, Rudy. Why not? Just come right in. He's so cute. We always do this. We always do this with all our guests. Rudy just can come right in. No worries he's so cute. We always do this. We always do this with all our guests. Rudy just can come right in. Don't worry.

I just want to say hi. See, he doesn't look good. He doesn't look old. I mean, cold. Sorry. But you look good. No, good. Yeah, I like that.

He does not look good. That's a great point. You look like your iron is fine. Well, because I was just saying, you don't look cold. You look good, though. I always thought he's so cute. Well, Rudy's a Colorado boy, so he can handle the cold. It's so cold. I can't.

I know. It is freezing. He comes back. All right. I'll watch the rest of your thing. The fuck was I going to say? I don't know. You were trying to get extra credit.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. So I took, it's not. I didn't give blood, but I went to a psychology class and I had to go to this psychology building. Did they run a test on you? One of those things? They wanted me to...

It was a real trick. I was like, are you guys trying to find out if I'm gay? It was. It was that, so it wasn't a real test. They would hand me sweaty clothes that they had kept in a bag. And then I had to smell them and see if I, and then deem if that person was attractive or not.

And it was supposed to be like the pheromones. God, you have no self-respect. Just put your fucking face in sweaty clothes. And you didn't think anything of it? I was like, word. I was like, word. Bring me those fucking pair of Calvin Klein underpants. Was it underwear?

No, no, no. It was like t-shirts and shit. Did any of them it underwear? No, no, no. It was like t-shirts. Did any of them smell good? No, no, no. It was all good. I was like, just so you guys know, pheromones are fake. Because none of this do I want to fuck. Some people, I mean, I don't know if that's actually true from those things, those studies.

I don't know what I believe on those. I definitely believe that you put off some sort of vibe. Because there are guys and girls. We just talked about this recently. You were one of those people. People used to say, like, used to say, like, John would walk in the room

and be like, John's here. Like, it's the John show. Every time he took a picture, it was always, John was the focal point. I think that's more, like, you can't see it.

Like, there's good-looking people and bad-looking people. But then there's also people who just own shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that is pheromones. Wait, so we tell these pheromones? I think pheromones pheromones are supposedly not real no no I'm sure they're very real but in my

psychological study I decided I don't want to fuck any of these sweaty shirts I think pheromones can you google this Nick I think pheromones are definitely a real thing whether or not they like decide all this shit that some people think they decide like for me it's like when you like kiss someone and they don't taste minty or anything, but you like the way that they taste. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you have a smell. I don't think that's pheromones. I think that's taste. But you know people have like a— You know, when you eat a good steak. No, but she's saying if it's not minty and it's like their flavor almost. Their random, yeah, yeah, yeah. The same way that people's clothes and houses have a smell. Yeah, the smell of someone's house is— That's not eveny and it's like it's like their flavor the same way that people's clothes

and houses have a smell that's not even like detergent or anything I talked about that recently because I went to I went to England some people got bad houses and like everything in England

was like being in your friend's house you're like this just I'm not saying it smells bad it just doesn't smell right it's not good wait he says going to your friend's house I'm like great

my friend's houses are so nice and he's like no you don't want to be there. You didn't have your poor friend? There was one. You didn't have a poor friend growing up? You didn't have a person whose clothes smelled and their face smelled? I don't know.

Maybe I was the poor friend, but my house smells decent. I didn't eat that. Their mom would be like, you want a snack? We got a bunch of yodels. Get the fuck out of here. Get your little Debbie ass out of here. Did your dad have a job? What's going on in his house?

No, his dad had a job, but his dad had all his clothes on the couch, too, because that's where dad slept. It was a broken home. It probably just smelled like whiskey. We didn't know it yet. I watched a YouTube video this morning, actually, that was about how people looked older

a long time ago. Oh, yes. I say this all the time. Somebody posted, let me see if I can find it. Somebody posted a picture of, I'll just pull it up, of Steve Martin and what's her name in Father of the Bride. He loves me. You're way too young for this.

I know what you're talking about. I haven't seen the movie. I know what you're talking about, though. So the picture of them that they posted, I'm trying to find this exact shot. Sorry. Whoa. Bro, that's the loudest phone ring of all time. Sorry.

Oh, my God. Ever. Are you deaf? No, actually. What the hell was that? Dude. And I swear, it's happened to me at least like five times this semester, and it's so embarrassing. What are you doing with your phone on ring anyway?

That's some old people shit. Phones are vibrate. Well, because I don't have my phone on vibrate. Why not? I don't know. I got this new phone. I guess maybe chicks don't have it that way because you keep it in your purse and stuff. But my shit's in my pocket.

But when I want it silent, I know that the vibration was problematic on set and stuff, so then I just my pocket but when I wanted silent I know that the the vibration was like like problematic like on set and stuff so then I just haven't had the vibrate I'll either have it on loud or like I just won't have it on vibrate

because you can hear that I guess but the Elton John I definitely should and it's not the new Britney Spears one it's like the original one I went to his concert in March you're a big Elton fan?

yeah I love Elton he's awesome he's a real one you just said there was a problem on set? yeah like when I would shoot porn. I understand what you're saying.

It's just been like that. So every phone it crosses over the set. Do you have it blaring? No, I'll just always have it completely on silent, but not silent with vibrate because you could hear the vibrate. I hate that. So you have to have it completely on silent. So that setting where it's like vibrate when on silent, I have that off. I guess I should just put it on. It just sounds like you have a loud ass phone.

It gives me trouble. This is a loud fucking phone. Listen, I'm sorry. I got to be honest. I don't want to pat myself on the back, but when I'm having sex and my phone's vibrating, you can't hear my phone vibrating. I feel like porn guys are like. I would imagine.

I feel like there's enough noise on set you shouldn't be hearing vibrations. I don't know. I don't know. But I feel like I saw something about your phone recently,'t be hearing vibrations. I don't know. I don't know. But I feel like I saw something about your phone recently where people were telling you to get a new phone. And I was like, why is that? Oh, because I lost my phone the other morning. He lost his phone. It was completely dead.

It was in his clothes. It was in his clothes from the night before. You dumb fucking asshole. But I had two green sweatshirts on my bed, and it was just the wrong green sweatshirt. I did see your face. The feeling you get when you find a lost phone or a lost wallet.

I guess girls don't really deal with that as much because of the bag. When you find your keys or whatever. When you're right on the verge being like, I'm going to have to

get a new set made or I got to go buy a new phone. This shit is gone, gone. And then you find it. Oh, I'm like that with my car keys. That's why I put the AirTag on it now.

The AirTag is life changing. But especially my luggage too. When I travel, I'll put it with my car keys. That's why I put the AirTag on it now. Like, the AirTag is life-changing. But especially my luggage, too. Like, when I travel, I'll put it in my luggage, and then you see, like, where your bag is the whole time. Really? Yeah, a little AirTag. I lost my keys recently, and they were lost. And I had, like, my whole family, like, helping me look for them.

And they were like, did you check this and check that? I hate when they're like, did you check? Yeah, I checked everywhere but I said that so like the last place you saw it yeah no I looked everywhere I had it I had that I was saying like yes like I looked in my pants from yesterday and we were like looking in cars under cars on top of cars all the shit and then it was sort of same thing I just was looking in the wrong pants yeah and so when I when I found it I had so many people helping me that I lied.

And I said that I just found it. Like, like I must've just dropped them in, uh, when I was getting out of the car. So it was like, I said that they were in the bushes. I would do the,

honestly, I would definitely do this. Cause I was like, I can't, I cannot, I was being so irritable and angry and like, and it's affecting everyone else. And then it was just like,

they were in my pocket. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I definitely, yeah yeah i can't recall an exact time but i definitely like i can't say where i actually did find it yeah it's so embarrassing because it's always like it's gonna i got people involved and became a communal effort i like and then they're like wrecking their day for like an hour and you're like it was right here i did that before i started my live stream i i i had like a popped up and I was like, wait. Yeah, you knew. I know where it is.

I did a fake look. I took everyone where it was and I was like, and now I'm pretty sure I know where it is. That was a great feeling. Anyway, this was the thing. Oh my gosh, you popped it. So this was, this is on the set of Father of the Bride. Okay.

They were 44. No way. No way. Like the characters were supposed of the Bride. Okay. They were 44. No way. No. Like the characters were supposed to be 44-year-old people. Okay. And the point was like, if you had a movie now with 44-year-olds, they'd be fucking dressed like you.

You know what I mean? But doesn't that make sense why that is? Because back in the day, they would just hire adults to play younger kids because they could work longer. Because these 20-year-olds are playing high schoolers, then these 30-year-olds have to play. It gets like when you're watching Euphoria,

and it's like, okay, I know that they're adults, but you're playing a sophomore in high school. It's so uncomfy. I don't know if I can watch this scene right now. Yeah, it's so uncomfy. I haven't even finished season two yet because it's just like. That show makes me too depressed. It's very sad and very intense.

I've got kids, and I'm like, I don't want any of this anytime soon. I'm just going to pretend this is not happening. And that's how you end up with people like that. But whatever. I'm 38. A few more years. How old were those people actually?

That's a good question. So it's 1990. Do you watch Seinfeld? Yeah, of course. Do you know how old Costanza was when it started no like season one

Costanza's like 26 yeah it's crazy no way same thing with Cheers Norm was like a 32 year old guy I didn't watch Cheers but I feel like I should

everyone talks about Cheers it's like iconic Cheers holds up too this woman who just passed away she was on it I think her name is

oh Tricia Alley yeah Tricia Alley she was huge in that show yeah I really she Christy Alley. Yeah, Christy Alley. She was huge in that show. Yeah, I really used to watch it. She did not get enough love. But she didn't start until season four. Yeah, she replaced the blonde chick as the hot girl on it. But from my era, she was in a bunch of movies.

Yeah, it takes two. She was a scientist, I think. Oh my gosh, a huge Scientologist yeah I saw this yeah that usually gets you you don't really get then you get yeah unless you're Tom Cruise then you get all those shine in the world but everyone else yeah there's just some documentary going clear have you guys watched it yeah I actually never have seen it but I've just heard so much about it that I feel like I know I know I know and it's like when you've seen enough memes of a movie you feel like you yeah that's what I mean it's like I get it with Leah Remini and I've heard it all I watched

they're bad I know for the first time the other day really but I felt like a few of the moments memes of a movie you feel like you watched it on Netflix I get it with Leah Remini I've heard it all I watched Forrest Gump they're bad I know for the first time the other day really but I felt like a few of the moments

I was like okay well I've seen this yeah it was so good did you like it yeah and I've seen a lot of older movies I don't know why

I just hadn't seen that one but yeah yeah that is that's a classic but I also do feel like that's one that if young kids watched it they'd be like

I don't like this really I don't think it... Forrest Gump? I've probably only seen Forrest Gump once or twice. Really? It's fine. I mean, it's pretty fucking dope when you think about it. I guess I haven't seen it since I was like my age.

It's just cool. You haven't seen it since you were your age? Yeah. Like since I entered this, I'm 34, since I entered this age bracket, since I entered like this age bracket I haven't seen it I mean yeah I haven't gone back

and do it either and watched it either but I saw it in college I was like that's alright it's a cool story to weave somebody into that many things

in a way that's like not relatively stupid you know they didn't like wedge everything in it kind of it is kind of America

yeah it was kind of like a discreet history lesson. And then I was like, wait, this guy wasn't a real person. So they just made it up.

Yeah. It's all fucking made up. It's not really that useful. What's your favorite movie of all time? So it's just all the time. My gum.

I was like, what did you say? You have no stroke? I saw that a lot of times. What kind of gum are you showing? It's like a bubble gum.

I didn't have any. So I asked my Uber driver to give me some. And it was like, I've never seen this kind of gum before, but it was pink. And I was like, oh, bubble gum. Was it like one of those big cubes? Yeah. No, it was like a square chiclet, but not a rectangle chiclet, a square chiclet. And it was pink? Yeah.

I didn't have gum. And I was like, sorry. Do you have gum? So my favorite movie of all time is called Cinemaparadiso and it's like it's completely in Italian

what the fuck get out of town it's so good shut up it's so good do you know Italian no I watch it with subtitles listen

my agent my porn agent made me watch it one day and I was like oh my god and I was like crying my eyes out what's it about

but I have so it's like this little boy who he doesn't have a dad and then he like becomes friends with like this older man who like runs the movie theater in town. Like the movie theater's like the center. Is it new or old?

No, it's very, very old. It won a bunch of Academy Awards. Oh, I hate when people are like, how old are we talking? Like 50s, 60s type shit? I would say, no, it's not that old. So I like- Give me the year.

It's 88. I've heard of this. A great year. For her, that's give me the year. It's 88. I've heard of this. A great year. For her, that's like, you know, the 50s. I've heard of this movie.

This is very interesting. My second favorite movie is Imitation of Life, which the remake was in 1956. And that was my second favorite. I mean, what happened to,

you know, fucking, have you seen any? I like Goodfellas. Like The Departed. I like Casino. I like Goodfellas. I like those movies too.

What do you think of The Godfather? So I like the second one better than the first one. But I mean, it wasn't like that good to me. Like I like Goodfellas and Casino more. Respect. What do you like more? I don't like The Godfather. And people get very mad when I say that.

Do you like, do you just like not like? I'm just not as into mob shit as everybody else is. Everybody else, if it's a mob movie or a mob show, it's instantly good and I just don't believe that. Yeah, I don't believe it. Did you like The Sopranos though? No. Did you like The Sopranos?

I have not actually... I've never finished it, but it was good. I enjoyed watching it. I like every single episode I've seen and I've seen a lot of them. Okay, so you really like it. Don't be casual about it. No, because I live with throughout my time

of living life, I've lived with multiple people who are huge Sopranos fans. Yeah. So they're always just watching it. Yeah. And I'll sit down

and I'll catch a few episodes and I'll miss a few episodes and I'll catch a few episodes. So I feel like if I say I've seen Sopranos, I feel like some diehard is going to catch me. He's live.

I've seen that. And so I've seen a ton of episodes. I feel like some diehard is going to catch me he's lying I've seen a ton of episodes I liked all of them I understand the whole storylines but I have not seen every single episode I've never sat down

and watched it front to back actually when I came to they were like oh who are you to see and I was like Kevin and they were like who and I was like Kevin Clancy

and he was like does he know you're here for him and I was like I guess people would want to come up here and try to sneak in we recently had a break in

no way shut up oh my god it was this beautiful woman who came in wait what for real no no it was this asshole

YouTube big fat idiot trying to like pull a prank we should let we should let were they like trying to film it

and stuff oh that's so annoying very and we should get security like just here's the rule if she looks like this you can come in like a symmetry where it's like hold on there They're trying to film it and stuff? Oh, that's so annoying. Very. We should get security like, just... Here's the rule.

If she looks like this, you can come in. I think like a symmetry. Where it's like, hold up there. Are you pretty enough? You can come in. They're fine. They ran in filming like this. A bell can come in with a fucking AR-15.

Let her in. Don't wait. I'm here. Bow, bow, bow, bow. Take a left or a right. She's got one on her hand one strapped on her back fucking bunch of clips

but yeah she's good this guy came in and he hired he has this guy pretend to be a homeless person and they barged in cause

like did they actually like they keep running in and stuff well we have like a it's like you know so you come up the elevator bank and then you gotta get through those doors

and then once you're through you can't really like kick somebody out because you have to like get them into the elevator so they were able to linger and like fucking yell and film and it was just like it's just so lame so then this was like a week ago ten days ago so then it was like we we turned off the elevators you need we were gonna use a key card to get in and then they just stopped they stopped doing they did it for like three like three days where you had to either walk up or get escorted up. Yeah. And then they just stopped.

So if you want to break in again, you can. Yeah. I mean, that is a lot of work. It's a busy building. Yeah. No, I mean, it's actually stuff like that is kind of surprising that in general, like not just us, that stuff like that doesn't happen more often. Yeah.

I feel like it's very easy to just like fuck with people if you wanted to. I think most people are just pretty normal. But that's, you know, it is, but then I also, like whenever I see a, you know,

someone's got like pushed on the train tracks or something crazy. Oh my God. Right. I'm just saying that you go down in underground New York city, there's going to be a lot of fucking weird people and a lot of bad shit can happen. And like 99.9% of the time, shit doesn't. You just get on and you're safe.

Yeah. And that's kind of crazy considering you can get on there and you could be rich. You could be homeless. You could be crazy. You could be a kid. And it just goes smoothly. I think that's fucking weird. I think that's also because I don't have any faith in any people at all.

I don't think people are good. I think they're all bad. Really? Yeah. But they're not. I mean, that's the point. They're not because you can go on the subway and you are safe. But I'm always just like, you're going to push me.

You're going to push me. Would you say you're a philosophical person? I don't know about philosophical. I know there's a lot of podcasters out there who are like, We're deep? You've talked to us like three times. Yeah, you know what we're about. You know what we're not deep.

You know what we're about. Come on. I asked you what kind of gum you were chewing. All right? I'm not here to win any awards we're not solving any theories but I do like to talk

what do you mean by awards? I don't know again I'm just fucking babbling here are there podcaster awards? this isn't deep conversation we're here to just shoot the shit by the way number one porn star of the year, was it? Oh, my God.

What's the exact award? Yeah, it's like I'm the number one most watched. I'm number one on Pornhub now. I mean. So many times I came in here saying number two. I was going to say. It's one of those things where it's like if you follow basketball, they used to say that Jordan should have won the MVP every year.

And sometimes they just gave it to someone else because like he can't win it all the time like realistically you should have been number one the last like 10 years is it just number of number of views though it's just yeah number one if the numbers don't add up but i can't imagine yeah it's the highest views like but it's also video like so lana i honestly think that i got number one because i stopped shooting. Like, for real. And it makes sense because Lana, she had less views than me, but she had more views per video. Yeah, that makes total sense. Oh, if it's views per video, you got to keep your videos. Yeah, so then since I haven't shot anything in two years, people are just like re-watching and re-watching.

Yeah, there's no way that they're going to, you should just shoot like one video ever again and your views will go through the fucking roof. Oh my God. I've always thought I was like wow what if I was to do that and I feel like people would freak out when you say you haven't

shot anything in two years you mean at all or like only fans no I haven't shot anything at all so you've just made enough money you're good no yeah

I mean not like that but like no but I mean I don't need like a superfluous amount of money like I've recently already got it

to be honest I mean yeah I'm good it is weird superfluous amount of money. Like, I've recently... Oh, you got it. I mean, yeah, I'm good. It is weird though. I remember we talked to Lana about it and she was like, she was like, I can like put a video on OnlyFans or drop a picture on OnlyFans and make like a million dollars in a day if I want to.

Oh my God. Okay, well then that's not like me. But let's say it's not a million, whether that's true or not or whatever. Like you could at like the drop of a hat if you wanted to, film something, put it out, and make a shit ton of money. Yeah. I mean, theoretically, I could do a lot of things.

Flex. But, like, you just don't want to? You just don't care to? Like, honestly, I'm just so, like, so busy. Like, school is, like, my number one priority, and I'm also on the debate team, which takes up so much of my time. That's fucking hilarious. Dude, what the

I swear Listen, I just won third in a debate tournament I'll go and see why I'm like a bunch of other schools Imagine I'm like 19 years old and I step up to the podium to debate No, you didn't It's like What the I was honestly

What the fuck is going on Is this a bell of danger on the team I was supposed to debate like reconstruction in America with a bell of danger I would be like, alright, we're on a prank show or something like that Show me the cameras Guess what guys, I like reconstruction in America with a bell of danger I would be like alright we're gonna prank show or something like that show me the cameras guess what guys

I get it it's a bell of danger we can't fucking what about your teammates they must be fucking this is wild so honestly none of my teammates

honestly none of my teammates know yeah that makes sense that tracks honestly really don't like or honestly I really don't feel like they do

because even one of them the other day was like oh um and I don't even like he was, you look like you have a lot of money. Like, what do you do? And, like, he asked me, what do I do? And I was like, stuff. Like, I did stuff. But this, at the tournament, I went to a tournament at UM,

and it's British parliamentary debate. So it's like I have a teammate, and then there's three other teammates. There's three other teams, right? And then, like, you're the you're either government or the NAG. So the guy was across from me. And you go to the center where you talk, and he's just staring at me so hard. He's like this little 19-year-old. He even asked me to take a selfie.

I haven't. No way. I would just be like, what she said is right. Sounds good. No, so I used to say, so you win first to fourth in the debate. So we got first in that one. And him and his team got fourth. And afterwards, he came up to me afterwards.

He's like, I know who you are. The way you're saying that was so familiar. Like, I know who you are. I think because it took him a long time to, like, figure it out. Because I go wearing, like, I wear, like I'm wearing my seeing glasses, and I'm not wearing your glasses. Your what glasses? I have seeing glasses.

I'm really blind. Oh, seeing. Are you saying seeing glasses? Oh. That's almost kind of like, he's like, I've seen these glasses before. Same. It's kind of the same. I like that it is what you wear in a lot of your movies.

Oh my gosh. And mine are big, nerdy. My eyes get bigger. it is what you wear in a lot of your movies you know I've seen her wear that before and mine are like big nerdy like my eyes get bigger like they get magnified because my vision

is so bad so I feel like he was just looking for so long trying to figure it out like he's like I know this girl but I don't like

he's like I'm pretty sure it's a validation but there's no fucking chance she's on a debate team British Parliamentary I bet if you went

to round 99 I totally believe you and get that most people don't recognize you because I bet if you go to most 99, I totally believe you and get that most people don't recognize you. Because I bet if you go to most debate teams and you show them very famous point stars, they're like, I don't know.

That's not a book. There is, though. I think there's some effect. I don't know what the name of it is. But it's like, unless you're super famous and people can just recognize you. If you're not expecting to see a famous person in a setting, you're not expecting to see a fellow DJ.

It's a big sort of thing. Your brain doesn't process it the right way the man. It's like you just, your brain doesn't like process it the right way or whatever. But I don't know. I feel like I'd be like, hmm. I've at least seen you do something. I've seen you somewhere before.

Yeah, and I was like, how did you figure it out? And he was like, the girl, one of the girls that was there. So the girl actually, like one of the- The girls know.

Yeah, the girls knew. I feel like girls know about Bella Dejane. Oh yeah. I feel like you're a good pick for girls. Yeah, girls, girls like, yeah, I feel like I're a good pick for girls. Yeah, girls like, yeah. I feel like I have a lot of girl fans. Obviously, I'm always going to have more guy fans. But, yeah.

A girl I'm talking to can't watch you because she knows we know each other. Oh, my God. The only reason I know this is because literally today I was like, yeah, we have a ballad. She's like, oh, my God. She popped into a video last night and I had to turn it off like I can't the only reason I know this is because literally today I was like yeah we have a bell she's like oh my god she popped into a video last night and I had to turn it off because I can't

what would you yeah that's not fair she said it's you and off so she can't watch that makes sense though I feel like so if

if you have an OnlyFans yes if we signed up for that would you be oh my god I'll be like get out right now right

like once you know what are you doing right so it's kind of the same thing i'm just even watching the board unsubscribe people tell me like you know once they meet me and we become friends like they can't watch me and i'm like well good i wouldn't why i i feel that i know, it's weird. I mean, I think unless you're like a pretty. You know too much. I'll be honest. I've broken the rule of time or two. But largely. I'm only human.

I'm only human. But for the most part, let's just say it's drastically less. Yeah. Percentage wise, we're down like a thousand percent. But especially the girls. They're definitely like, especially girlfriends of mine. They will not like watch me. Even if it's with a guy or with a girl like they're not gonna that's gotta be super weird

like to be like one of your close girlfriends because it's like we know each other but it's like you know just through this if you're like friends like truly in the friend group and you're watching that's weird yeah i've watched my friends have sex before though but that's different yeah that's different i haven't watched but i've been like the room. I've been in the room, but I've also watched videotapes. Oh. Really? Yeah, they don't know about this. Oh, my God.

One time I did film. I'm not on this list, am I? No, no, no, no, no, no. One time I did film to people without them knowing, but I told them afterwards. Whoa. You did a little voyeur photo? I don't want to. Tell how that happened.

I was in high school, we were just like off fucking drunk and like a house party huh no it was like a like a get together and then like i saw in the corner like something happening with the with um like the covers and then we had like those cameras that were digital those yeah digital cameras so then i just like crawled over and like lifted the blanket and i was just like video tv you're so lucky you you yeah could you imagine if I ever told that story I'm so friends with the girl actually like and I don't have the video but you did tell him afterwards oh yeah I mean what was there were set like do were they like all right well the girl was like where's the video in a good way like let me see it it didn't get filmed but it was like a similar thing where i was sleeping on a futon with a

girl and we started having sex in the morning and and there was someone else sleeping on the futon and like we're like full-on having sex at this point not like like you know like we know he's on the futon but we're yeah we're we're inside and we're having sex and this point. Not like, you know, we know he's on the futon, but we're inside. And we're having sex. And for some reason, I'm more nervous about sex with a porn star. I'm like, we know how it goes, right? You know what sex is, right? I'm like, you're talking to an expert.

And he just goes, after like five minutes, he just goes, you guys know I'm awake. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We're like, no, we did not. But like, you sound like you're very awake. It's not like you've been awake. Honestly, in his defense, I've been on the other side of that. One time, I was sharing a room with this girl.

And honestly, whatever. I'm just going to tell this story. But this is actually the night that I met my boyfriend. And me and this girl, we went to went to Atlanta together we were sharing a room and I was the one that was like I don't want to do this like I like literally the whole night I was like I do not want to have sex with these people like having sex with next to me I was like but whatever it was I was drunk it's fine and and honestly it was the first time I've ever done that like have sex in one bed while someone has sex in another bed but then the next morning I'm just like sleeping.

I'm like blissfully asleep. And I just hear like, yeah. And I was honestly so annoyed and so like disgusted. I was like, this is the morning after. Yeah, that is tough.

Like, like not when you want, like last night would have been fine. Yeah. Like, is like, come on. Yeah.

I got, I can't imagine being like having sex in a bed next to a Bella I'd be like like playing half court and Jordan's on the other side I'd be like I don't know

I'll go home do you get competitive with something like that no I didn't even want to look I literally didn't I wouldn't want to look I would just know

I'd be like I'm speaking as the girl here oh no yeah I was going to say you know who really doesn't want to have sex next to a Bella Jane the girl

that's what I mean that's tough like a Bella Jane that's not fucking fair no I completely shut them out and I was like okay I'm gonna focus on you

and then when I woke up I like just see her and I was like oh my goodness like we gotta go do you you guys realize I've sobered up right

enough of the bullshit now clean it up clean it up scams get out this is pre 2am bullshit I was shocked though because I honestly like wouldn't do that I'm like I love how this is pre 2am I was shocked though because I honestly like wouldn't do that

I'm like I love how this is like this normal girl and she's the one writing this guy the next morning and I'm like freaking out

it sounds like you're a pretty like in your regular life you're not that wild no like I love I like partying and like you know being crazy

and I love dancing and being up all night but not like sexually you drink like when you party or you just like party yeah well you know

I feel like girls can like party without like partying you know what I mean like it's hard for a guy guys gotta get like fucked up girls can like just dance

and have fun guys can be fucked up but if you do get fucked up like all the more power I don't care whatever you're saying so like yeah I drink

but so do you get wild yeah if I go out and drink like if I go out to like 11 11 or to a club or something. I feel like you own fucking stock in 11. I wish. I do own an 11 residencies. Oh, that's right. You had that last time.

Oh, right. Okay, so you go out to 11. You cut loose? Yeah. Oh, my God. We left at 7 a.m. the other day. Jesus. Yeah, for God's sake.

We did that once. I've only done that once ever. I've only been to a lot of once ever but we left like sunset I mean sunrise no but it's true that girls can do that like my sister came with us

and she didn't drink at all and she had a great time yeah you can kind of just like party and sing songs but yeah guys it's like I've never seen a guy what's a guy supposed to do

it's like you just stand there waiting for like you to hopefully go home with her it's the same thing as like being at a concert like for a girl you can like sing a song

you can shake your ass and dance for a guy I'm just like ayo dancing and singing a song like ayo

who is that isn't that isn't that Queen no the you got my ayo Tayo Cruz

yeah I mean that's what I mean I'm at a Tayo Cruz fucking concert what am I supposed to do other than black out I'm at a Tyo Cruz fucking concert. What am I supposed to do other than black out? I'm at a Tyo Cruz concert, dude. Do you guys party? I'm old and washed up, but I used to, yeah.

I hung it. You're not old. No, I drink. I party. Oh, okay. You party and then you don't party. I just, I got old. Wait, okay.

If you guys are partying, I'm going to party. I'm coming out of retirement. I swear to God, if you guys party without me I'm gonna fucking kill myself that would not be cool I would at least be on 11 that would be so fun no honestly it would be fun with your girl

like I need to meet her we need to all party oh Bella you say the word you say the word no literally and then we can be next to each other but like as far as

shit like that like I know if you listen to the stories that like Adriana Cechik tells she's like she'll blow her Uber driver driver she's fucking wild like that right you've met her yes well no we haven't met her but we we uh we are trying to link up with her but obviously she's going through all that shit with her back which is fucking crazy oh my god how terrible right but like you know i think sometimes people expect porn stars to just be like crazy like that

all the time oh really fucking, we have an orgy. We're banging any random person, blah, blah, blah. But I feel like you live your life like normal people. What is a normal person? Well, I mean, most people looking in would not expect that to even be a thing for you. You're like, oh, my God, I'm so crazy. I had sex next to my friend that night. Most people would be like, expect, like, they wouldn't expect that to even be a thing for you. Like, you're like, oh, my God, I'm so crazy. I had sex next to my friend that night. Most people would be like, yeah, of course you do.

You're like, you're a bell of danger. Yeah. But I just, people just don't get that there's, like, a job and a, you know, it's like, aren't you different when you go to work? Oh, and I am, like, a super sexual person. But I guess, like, it's either in front, like, on set with, like, people or not, like, next to, like, normies. Front. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the normies. What is a normal person? Like, I don't want to watch people fuck bad. like on set with like people or not not like next to like my boy yeah I thought it was the normies what is a normal person

like I don't want to watch people fuck bad that's gross that's such a turn off yeah cause on set I know they're it's like watching Grass Grow to them

like I know that it's they're not like fazed by it or anything like that like watching Grass Grow like they're filming it everyone on set like they're not yeah

I feel like sometimes we're recording these guys are just like kind of on their phone I'm like this was funny you should be laughing and being like

porn stars or you know cameramen are doing the same thing it's like whatever this guy come yet are we done here yeah no

literally so yeah I mean I don't know I always see myself as a normal person but yeah you are normal

yeah I just had a really fun job you're just rich and then now normal rich it's not even the rich it's not even You are normal. Yeah, I just had a really fun job. You're just rich. And then now... Normal rich. It's not even the rich. It's not even how much money you do have.

To me, what fascinates me... I don't even know where you guys get these facts. By the necklace on you're wearing. How about that for one? How about just... Context clues. How about just this? I have a fucking brain.

And you're number one in the world at sex. And the phrase is literally sex sells. So let's just say, yeah. Yeah. To me, it's more the ability to, if you needed to,

whether it's like, just call up the studio or go on only fans or do a stream or whatever. It's just like, if you needed to make a fuck ton of money, you just could. That's crazy. I know. I feel,

I wish it would be that easy for guys. Like, oh my God, just film me having sex and give me money. Me too, man. Yeah. I saw myself in the mirror this morning. It's a little bit. Yeah, you got to actually have a reason why people want to watch your fun. I feel like it's a little bit like a comedian because sometimes I'll talk to the comics

and I'm like, why do you guys, you talk about how hard it is to travel and how tired you are. And I'm like like why do you go to like omaha nebraska to do a weekend and they're like well i could either sit at home or i could make you know yeah this many tickets times this many dollars so like i'm gonna go do it so when you have you know something to give yeah you have that outlet like why not like use it make it while you can right but um i we also saw what 3.77 gpa let's go is that that is that what is that magna cum laude um no loud cum laude loudy that's not that far away this fucking idiot can

you believe him abella can you believe him oh my god what a buffoon he's a good person he meant well you acted like I said it completely wrong it's funny that you said the smart person word wrong fuck you guys meanwhile I was that I just don't want to say it no I don't think so next year is my last semester

and then I'm applying to UM in April. So I really hope that I get in. I feel like you've been in college now for like 10 years. It's been a year. It's been a year since I saw you. No way. Yes, I have.

You've been going to college. You're at least in two years. I've only been in college one year. That's crazy. This semester was my first semester as a sophomore. Wow. Yeah, but it was a year. It was last August.

I get it. I get it. Okay. Don't say that because I have a long time left. You have to say it one bit quick. You should just start failing classes. Oh, no. Oh, no.

My GPA would go down. Not even the GPA. It's like I want to finish this shit fast. All right. I mean, are you going like like, how many classes a semester? So this semester, I took six, but I dropped one. I dropped one. You're going to college college.

But that's, like, the real deal. Four, five, six classes. No, I dropped one. Yeah, I've always, that's, so I'm going to have my associates in arts in April. And then I want to transfer to UM if I get in to get my bachelor's there. And then apply to law school. It's just so funny because technically like the diploma means nothing. No, exactly.

But I mean, you need it to be funny. You want the knowledge and the experience. It's all good, but... Just light a bunch of money on fire. Or you can just like read stuff on the internet.

Or give it to us. Yeah. How about this? You give us the money and we will like show you the YouTube channels and Wikipedia pages you need to read

to know all the stuff. Deal? In order to be an attorney, I would have to have a degree. I didn't realize that was – That's really the only reason. That'll be another – Hence the debate. Hence the debate.

The day that some dude walks in and her public defender is a Bella Danger. He's just like, what the fuck? First of all, I am not going to be a Bella Danger. Remember? You think I'm – Did we not say I like – I'm not going to be a public defender is a belladanger. He's just like, what the fuck? First of all, I am not going to be a public defender. Remember? Did we not say I like money? I like money, okay. I'm defending Epstein. What are you talking about? Aaron Hernandez.

I am setting up my shit on Lil St. James, dude. No. That's fucking funny. Yeah, you'd be like, you're like, wait, hang on. I would be like, did I,

am I asleep? Am I in a scene right now? Yeah, for real. A Bella dude walks in in a courtroom like, your honor. A Bella walks in like, I take my dick out.

Oh, it seems you've been a bad boy. No, and I honestly, yeah. Are you guilty? And already seeing how debate is going, it's definitely going to shock men. Like my opposing counsel when I honestly, yeah. Are you guilty? And already seeing how like debate is going, like it's definitely going to shock men, like my opposing counsel when I just like walk in.

Yeah. They're going to be like. It would shock men if you were just you without a force. Well, I'm just going to leave them confused. Just like the guy. It's just going to be. They're just going to be like, where do I know her from? And they're just going to be stuck thinking about it the whole time.

This is why this whole thing, and you still have time to do it, should just be a constant vlog where. A constant vlog. my life is not interesting like he said you're so smart and yet so dumb the number one

porn star in the world doing debate club about the British Parliament is fucking interesting no everyone in the world wants to watch that no

the debate style it was so it's like like opening government um opening opposition and then like you it's just like the way that you take turns and stuff but now we did a lot of different things like oh so one of them was I actually have a picture

of them they're pretty interesting it's like yeah cause we have to okay so this is how it works so we are we're all like in this big

like auditorium and then they'll put on a big projector what the the topic is and it'll be like this house believes or this house. And then you get which is your, well, first you get whether you're going to be opening

or I'm sorry, not opening, government or opposition. And then after you find that out, then you get that. And then you run to like your little war room and then you have like 15 minutes to prepare. And you can't use the internet or anything. So, and you have no idea what the topic is going to be? No, you have no idea what the topic's gonna be no you have so you're always just like like i'm like yeah i'm always looking at like the news or like like so that's what i mean though it's current shit or is it like historical current shit yeah it's always like current shit but then like i found that the best way to like really win debates is like on a philosophical level so i take philosophy and i tutor in ethics as well

so that's another funny thing is that I tutor kids and they take appointments with me and I tutor them like kids are like college kids college kids yeah college kids there you go my tutor is you can't script it I swear to god Hollywood turns this down and I got money for it and I was like honestly I don't need to take the money for it and they're like no you like it because I just put it back for school what are you tutoring them in so I in ethics, which is just a branch of philosophy. And when I started taking philosophy, the professor was like, hey, you really understand this really well. Will you be a tutor?

And I was like, sure. Fucking bananas. I can't believe you think this is not interesting. I tutor five hours a week. Well, because it's not. I mean, it's really normal. Yeah. All of the porn stars are doing this.

And all of the tutors are doing that. What? Yeah, so i found that and i mean they're all like 1920 and i'm 27 so so i found with woman washed up i know so i found that with debates i i always win debates on a philosophical level like i kind of just disregard what like um well yeah you're debating children so this was this one was the house suggests athletes using sporting events as platforms to protest

and raise political awareness and you have to debate whether that's like so whether you should so I had to be I had to be opposition on it that they shouldn't

you're an opposite of fucking equality dude I know it was hard no it was hard and that's what I had to think about debate

is that you have to sometimes you have to debate shit that I'm like dude I believe it was hard no it was hard and that's what I had to think about debate is that sometimes you have to debate shit that I'm like dude I believe the complete opposite of this but then it kind of

challenges but I've also found that if you do that it's a good exercise to like actually like consider other viewpoints because I'll start

to argue if I'm playing as devil's advocate all of a sudden I will like almost start to see the other side or convince myself

and you really realize how you can be you know swayed or change your mind I mean some things you should stick to your guns but

it's so what so what were you what was your what was your the floor is yours okay so um

wait fuck that's the truth but I just basically you're talking to podcasters who dropped out of college you're talking to um wait fuck that's the truth but I just basically use yeah so I just basically use you're talking to podcasters

who dropped out of college you're talking to 34 year old boys so I don't remember with that one

um but this one I remember this one it was like the house I forgot what the R means but the glamorization of

true crime through entertainment like that's a good topic to talk about yeah so I was um I was for it I love true crime who doesn't Don that's a good topic to talk about yeah so I was I was four

I love true crime who doesn't and that's normal people they're all crazy for liking that you know one day one day soon

true crime is gonna be we watch active crimes be committed yeah for sure like these are crimes that we watch ah don't tell me

I'm gonna feel so old fuck it's gonna be like I'm going on Instagram live and I'm gonna go murder somebody right now oh my god true crime a girl's gonna be like he's going on Instagram live and I'm gonna go murder somebody right now oh my god true crime

a girl's gonna be like he's so hot the way he slit her throat was so hot yeah you see though I didn't do that like I don't understand why I saw girls on TikTok

like you know like me but it's like you guys can just say like Evan Peters is so hot not like Dahmer right he's a fucking actor yeah he's an actor

like that's not yeah it's crazy to me I'm actually happy by the way that Casey Anthony thing was kind of a blip on's not yeah it's crazy to me I'm actually happy by the way that Casey Anthony thing was kind of a blip on the radar

yeah it was like I thought she was gonna like garner all this this uh like sympathy and like oh hell no

there was like one day where people were like she went through trauma and like she just didn't know how to handle the situation oh my god

and then everyone pretty much went back to like fuck you you baby murderer which I was like good like people like you, you baby murderer. Which I was, like, good. Yeah, that was a percent. Like, people, like, you did the right thing, humanity. Good job.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. You see humanity sometimes? That's good. Bring it full circle, right? Bro, so I said, like, from a utilitarian standpoint, like, I just used utilitarian, like, you have to do the greatest amount of good for the greatest amount of people. And, like, yes, like like the people that are affected,

like the families of like these victims, um, they're, they amount to less people than like all the people that feel joy from watching. That was the argument. Yeah, but I won. It does make sense because from a utilitarian standpoint,

it's a great movie. So these people are so happy at home and these other families at home crying over their dead baby. By the way, I am not a utilitarian. Thank you very much. I have to make that clear. When I was watching Dahmer and very much enjoying it.

I couldn't finish it. I finished it. It just wasn't accurate. I liked my friend Dahmer. I was on episode seven, let's call it. And then I read how much was like... Yeah, it's just like, why am I even watching this? I was like, this is like, the neighbor wasn't actually the neighbor.

Look, this is the guy at the debate. Oh, no. He looks like a child. This is your debate look? Yeah. I mean, honestly, he looks like he's 12. Yeah, yeah. That looks like you were arguing with a fifth grader.

He's 19, I swear to God, yeah. But that kid, he was with a fifth grader. He's 19, I swear to God. But that kid, he was like, oh, fuck, that's not me. That dude's dick was hard for sure. That is so funny to think about you walking in and arguing with children. Well, he was young for the debate, but the oldest one there was like 23. Do you think that there are people like who don't know you or they know you but they say

they don't know you do you run into that a lot um yeah for sure people that don't want to admit that they know me like which is crazy

yeah like what do you watch porn like there'll be like there'll be men like with their wives and family like the other

that's a little different if I have my kids with you I wouldn't be like ow I'm their biggest fan. But if I was just at a college event and I was like, oh, I don't know who that is. Oh, no. Oh, no. I went to a tour of UM.

I toured the whole campus with other kids that were planning on going there. And at the end of the tour, the moment the tour ended I got like bombarded by like hundreds of frat guys and like all of them like say like see a video like that you to rush this for 10 in this or during this vision I'm like guys like it loses its value if I'm telling all the hundreds of them like I swear like literally it was like a mosh pit and you still want to go there cuz that's gonna be every day I think they'll get used to my presence. Like, for real. Yeah.

Like, it's not that bad. What a stupid statement. You're crazy. Well, I know. They will. They will. I think maybe eventually they will. For everyone that gets, like, used to it, there's going to be a new guy seeing you for the first time.

Oh, my God. Please don't. It's a big school, right? Yeah, it's a big school. You have no shot. But thankfully, I don't have to live on campus, which a kid asked me that. He was like, would you live on campus? I was like, I am 20 at the time.

I was like, I'm 26. I'm 27 and rich. Why would I live in this dorm? That would be the ultimate. A bell in the end, like a fucking bunk bed. Like using a communal shower, like walking down the hallway with your little thing. I don't know how. I mean, I guess when you're younger,

it's fine. When you're younger, it's the first time you've ever lived on your own. Even if you are crammed into a room with three people and you're sharing a bathroom, it's the best thing. You're out of your parents' house

and all that shit, so it's the best. I went to a frat house, actually. I went to a frat house to drop off fleshlights as a reward for the for the pledges

um talent show oh my how many how many fleshlights um um I had like five of them

and I and I went with my friend I had my I had my friend like this guy like come with me because I just wanted to drop him off

and get out the smell when I went into that I've never smelled something so foul in my life and there's beer like it's like

like a thick layer of just beer on the floor that's just oh god like I can dry here you had a party the other day right Paz yeah

he said he was like I'm considering moving it was so the floor is still black the floor is black oh my god no

but yeah when you're like 22 yeah they all looked like they were having the best time they were all sitting there sweating oh so you went like mid party they all looked like they were having the best time they were all sitting there sweating you went like mid party I went as the Italian show was going to begin

and I was like hey guys if you win the Italian show and then I got the fuck out of there I ran probably good for multiple oh god what's the deal with the AVN oh yes I am hosting that shit's the deal with the AVNs? Oh, yes.

You're hosting that shit, right? I am hosting that shit. Let me plug that shit real quick. So I'm hosting the AVN Awards. That's perfect. Do you have your outfit picked out yet? Yeah, I do. Remember when Austin just went tits out?

Yeah. She just did the right top. See, I don't, yeah, I can't. Oh, yeah, no way. That'd be crazy. Yeah, I think she was able to do that. She did that at the Pornhub Awards. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, I think she was able to do that. She did that at the Pornhub Awards.

Wasn't that the one that Kanye fucking... Yeah, he was the creative director. Yeah, he was the creative... Yeah. That's why you came in here. You were like, I love Kanye so much. And that's why. Yeah. Kanye's your boy.

No, I had already been working for... I had already been modeling for him prior like the Pornhub thing. But yeah, anyways. Yeah, so yeah, I'm hosting it. That's no joke though. What? Hosting like an award show. Oh, really?

Somebody asked me. Don't make me nervous. Wait, I like, I really like. No way. Erica once came to me and said that like, I can't remember who it was, but like a company or an industry was doing some sort of awards thing

and they needed a host and it ended up not working for me I think we were traveling or something but I was going to accept it and I was like this is going to be hard as fuck I think it is no nevermind it's easy are you going to be doing jokes and shit

you have to write a monologue no I yeah you have to write like a monologue that's no I don't have to write it I don't have to write it we have a rehearsal tomorrow and it's like with a comedian oh shit soon soon yeah it's the first week

I guess what day is it I wanna see okay it's January 7th it's Saturday January 7th at Resorts World Theater Las Vegas see I'm not

I'm not made to um lug stuff on the internet. What if you get a booger in your nose when you're up there? That would be crazy. Everyone would be like, look at her booger. The host has a booger. I look decent now.

Nothing changed. Yeah, so I'm hosting it on Saturday at Resorts World in Las Vegas and I guess people can buy tickets to it. People can go see it. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, that's great. So where's the rehearsal?

You're going to Vegas tomorrow? Oh, so no. Tomorrow is like a Zoom meeting where we go over the script. And I approve of jokes and stuff. And then take with a comedian as well. It's like this guy, Matt Rife. And he's like- Oh, yeah, I know him.

Well, I know him on the internet yeah so he's my co-host as well as like another drone yeah so i think he'll like he's too pretty he's too pretty he's so pretty yeah it's honestly crazy he's he's like hot yeah like he's really good looking it's it's almost like i hate to say that because it's kind of stupid like you can be funny and he is funny and i'm sure he runs into this all the time and he's like shut the fuck up but he he's just a stunning dude. He's just a sexy cat. So I'm okay.

I just want to fuck him. You know? What is this? He's got that jaw line, you know? That is our whiskey. It's our 10-year anniversary this year. Really? And we made our own whiskey.

Do you want some? No way. I want to take a picture of it. Take the one. That's just the regular one. No, I'm not going to take the thing. I have to fly you tonight. Take that. You want to take a picture of it. Take the one that's just the regular one. No, I'm not going to take the thing. I have to fly with tonight. Take that.

You have to what? I can't take this on the plane with me. Can I? I don't know what the rules are with that. That's, yeah. So we did, we like went tasting and we like. I want to try it. We tasted six different things.

Give me a shot of it. Do you want some now? Yeah. Okay. Well, this one's already open. I was like unless someone like chugged it

I'm gonna try it I'll tell you if it's bad for real if it's bad for you? no I'll tell you if it's bad for real like I'll tell you oh for real yeah give us I can't confirm

it's bad for real I'm sorry my my Miami accent you guys can't how do you understand a word I'm saying?

give us your honest opinion and if you you know if you say it's bad we'll cut it I like can't how do you understand a word I'm saying give us your honest opinion and if you if you say it's bad we'll cut it I like whiskey do you oh it smells really good it smells really good

Whistlepig's like a genuinely good whiskey yeah Whistlepig why is it called Whistlepig well that's the brand so like we we already like they were a pre-existing company

oh piggyback like with pickle shots yeah they were like already a very like classy They were a pre-existing company. Like with pickle shots. Yeah. They were already a very classy, established whiskey company. I don't know. When we got word that we were doing it, I was like,

get the fuck out of here. It's like if Nike came to me and was like, do you want to wear our shoes? That's awesome. Are you sure you want me to wear your shoes? Should we give her the good stuff? Do you want ours? our shoes? That's awesome. Are you sure you want me to wear your shoes? Actually, should we give her the good stuff? You should be so proud. Do you want ours or the...

We're out of that, I think. Oh, that's empty? Yeah, the Boston boys drank the rest of it. Wow. Those motherfuckers. But you see, because it was good, they drank it. Yeah, no, that's like they do a couple bottles a year. I'm so hyped to play this new game, by the way.

What game? Are we not going to play it? I was going to be like, bro, that's literally the only reason I came out and come for this. We'll do it. There it is right right there it's like a whole fucking so this this time like you can i mean both games you can you can actually play but like this comes with like you you have these little pieces and you bet and like the the judge is the person who draws the card and they look like assholes and they look like it sounds like so much work. They look like little assholes. But the thing is, you can also just play it. You just read the fucking card and you debate.

Okay. Oh, my God, debate. Yeah, no. I mean, this is kind of... Yeah, there's a gameplay basically where... So you read the scenario on the card, and then it's like you have to decide, is he the asshole?

Is she the asshole? Is the boss the asshole? And do you want to be the asshole? Well, it's more it's like a hypothetical situation where then there is a there is a gameplay where you can

try to change someone's opinion by debating it with them cool so it's like if you know we disagreed on who was the asshole but I convinced you of otherwise I would win a point

and all that sort of shit so um pour you some yay in the sad boy season glass very nice very chic And all that sort of shit. Pour you some. Yay. And the sad boy sees in glass. Very nice. Very chic.

Very chic. Thank you. Do you want to come out? What is on the tree? It's decorated. All kinds of stuff. Oh, you know what's on the top of the tree? Oh my gosh.

Now that's a little known fashion brand that's that's honestly there is there's a little known fashion brand that's called Gapé they are necessary I bet

they are they are necessary cheers I'm just gonna take a shot because I'm a degenerate okay to the Gabe gloves oh it's good

you like it oh it's smooth right it's a little bit smooth a little bit spicy yeah it's good I like that shit it's good. You like it? Oh, it's smooth. Right? It's a little bit smooth, a little bit spicy. Yeah. It's good. I like that shit. It's smooth and spicy.

And they also make maple syrup. Some people make old-fashioned maple syrup, old-fashioned. Oh, that's so cute. Yeah, it's very good. Back to the gape gloves. Yeah, we were joking around. Like, gape gloves is one of those things where if you say gape gloves or show gape gloves you either know or you do

not know you know yeah so and if you know you're like a porn degenerate like us and if you don't know you're like what the fuck there is some joke like need you

need gloves to open your ass what it's because it's the lube I mean when you guys are shooting scenes like that you guys are fucking swimming yeah I mean head to toe, you are covered.

Oil scenes were always really fun. They were really fun. I actually have found in my own experience that it's almost too lubey, if that's a thing. You can't even feel shit. You also have to pick up after yourself afterwards. I mean, when you're done, you must be like, what the fuck? Oh my gosh. I'm surprised, honestly.

Sometimes I'll be sitting for too long and my hip is hurting. I'm like, is this I'll be sitting for too long and my hip is hurting I'm like from all the loop scenes like all my hip I swear because I've fallen and like I've slid off couches yeah yeah yeah

I've slid off couches you're like taking bumps when you're yeah oh my gosh I've taken falls I've taken I've been like walking off the set and like

falling so bad what's the worst injury you've ever received oh my gosh doesn't have to be like give me anything I don't know I'm trying to think

I really can't think of anything or even in your personal life what's like your worst sex injury I've never broken I mean I've never like

broken anything I've never broken a bone you're pretty fucking extreme I broke my leg fucking it was your skin oh my god like just like

got in my throat really sore like it feels like I'm sick but really it's like that you and did you hear that your dentist can tell when you? Yeah, I was like fuck Have you ever have you ever seen or been with somebody who broke their dick I've known yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes Oh, yes. Oh, yeah I've known yes oh yes oh yes oh yes oh yes and I've seen a guy

that he's gotten it replaced so many times I've seen him with like three different dicks what? what does that mean? so first so first he had

so first he had his dick dick that he was born with his dick dick he got that dick dick follow me though so you don't get like confused okay

so his first dick right and then exhibit A dick one bro got the dick so his first dick right and then exhibit a dick one bro yeah got the big dick right so then he would like inject it all the time to you know have an interaction and then it stopped working right so it stopped working so first dick is like no good anymore so he decides he's gonna get like a metal rod in it you know you've never heard of that you get a metal rod oh my god are you hard all the time you guys don't know there's so many guys in porn have like mechanical dicks what what wait you guys didn't know this wait oh my god i could have guessed that there was oh my god after this i'm gonna oh after this i'm gonna tell you

exactly which ones are mechanical okay and then i'm gonna tell everybody don't worry i got you guys we're good uh a metal rod serving so then he got so the metal rod is always in yeah and actually the first time I had heard about it my friend my friend in high school

his dad had gotten it I don't know why he told me this and he's like yeah he says it's cool that girls can just and you squeeze the guy's balls

and it acts like a pump and the dick gets hurt like that wait wait wait so it does it does get soft yeah it gets soft

it has a metal rod in it yeah and it won't go back down like a telescope it has like a yeah it gets soft it has a metal rod in it yeah and it won't go back down is it like a telescope it has like a metal it's like a I don't know it's like a go-go gadget dick yeah so you get like a rod

put in your dick and so then that's when he got his second one but it actually ended up being smaller than his initial dick so obviously that was like not cool for him

so he got the third dick the third rod the second rod third dick second rod third dick keep up who's on first what's on second he was like I will show you He's got the third dick. The third rod. The second rod, third dick. The second rod, third dick. Keep up. Who's on first?

What's on second? He was like, I will show you exactly. I'll be honest. If I got a rod in my dick and it was swallowed in my dick dick, I'd be like, doc, come on. I'm telling you, after this, I'm going to show you

this man's three penises in a porno. I've seen all three of them. And so they can get our reaction. Okay, okay. So they can get our reaction. I'm an absolute bot. That is, see, this is where, when girls talk about like, I'm so shocked that I showed, I'm thinking about our reaction. I'm an episode five. That is, see, this is where,

when, you know, when girls talk about, like, body positivity and shit. about porn that you've never known. I'm so excited about it. I knew that there was

some PEDs involved. I didn't realize they all had fake dicks. That's bullshit. When girls are like, you know, these Instagram models are not real.

Like, you shouldn't aspire to be that because they're getting surgery and they're removing ribs and shit. Guys should know that too. I found dick number one. Let me see the dick. I'm going to go to dick number two.

Behind door number three. Okay. Are you checking? Are these photos you have? I just have to go back to the years. No, so I'm like Googling his name and then dick and then 2013. That's literally what I'm like Googling his name and then Dick and then 2013. And then like, that's literally what I'm doing. I sort of, yeah, there's no other signs.

Okay. I found the second one. Is it like, do you only, like, is this like, can it be clear to us too? Or is it only clear to you? No, I'm trying to, I'm finding pictures where it's, like, very obvious. It's clear, yeah. It's very obvious. Are these, I'm sorry if you just said that.

What? Is this, like, behind the scenes photos, or, like, these are photos you can. Like, anybody could find this, and would they know that it's a mechanical dick? Yeah. No. No, you would never know. Yeah. No, I didn't know.

I didn't know for the longest time. Mechanical dicks. Yeah, what do you mean? Did you, did anybody know about this? It's, like, made would never know. No, I didn't know. I didn't know for the longest time. Mechanical dicks. Yeah, what do you mean? Did anybody know about this? It's like made for old people. I don't think anybody... It's made for old people. Yeah, like it's a pump.

It's called a pump. Google dick pump. But that's cool, because dick pump's going to give you those things, like that tube that you just put over your dick. Like the dick pump surgery then. I don't know. Watch your Google dickhead.

All I'm saying is I google metal rod and dick but that just gives me sounding oh my god sounding that's weird and then it goes down and up can you make this bigger

bigger than your regular dick smaller than your regular dick can you make it bigger than your regular dick yes you can you can get it I don't think it's bigger and smaller. I think it just gets up and down. Can you make it bigger than your regular dick? Yes, you can. Your skin can stretch that much further. Yeah, right. Yeah, it's like if I got fat, my skin and the dick didn't.

Yeah, but I feel like you can slowly get fat, whereas this would be like... I think a little bit of issue number three. Here's a soft penile implant, a malleable penile implant and an inflatable penile implant there's the three choices there's a flaccid penis with a saline reservoir and a flaccid cylinder and you pump saline

into the tube and that sounds better than a rod to me it looks like the balls are a pump yeah so Abel you were saying that you had to squeeze it so if you're That's in the balls, the pump? That sounds better than a rod to me. It looks like the balls are a pump. Yeah, so, yeah, you, Abel, you were saying that you had to squeeze it. So, like, so if you're on set with this guy,

are you doing the squeezing or is he doing, he pumps it up? No, they do the squeezing before. They walk up, like, already hard. They look like a superhero, honestly. Like, it's like they're not even doing anything and they're just, like, it's just hard. That's not fair.

Yeah, no, it's actually not. So a lot of, like, not a lot of, like, but male performers that, you know, don't enjoy anything like that. They'll definitely 100% talk shit about guys that do that or inject. By the way, you can get this done in India. I'm clean.

Yeah. They're like the fucking, I can't, who was, there was one. He's a liver king. He's a fucking liver king of dicks. So look, I can only find the one where it got smaller. Okay, that's fine. Whatever. But you would really, one where it got smaller. Okay, that's fine. Whatever. But you would really...

Does he have scars? It got a lot smaller. Like, huh? He has like scars on his dick? I don't think so. I mean, you have like a little line under like where your ball sack is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That seam, right? But everybody has that. Oh, they do. Then that's it. That's the only thing I've seen. You know, like that seam that runs on that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you just open up there and put that together, it's like, that's the seam.

That seam is funny, though. I feel like that seam underneath your balls is like where your whole body comes together. Like you put on the suit, and the whole thing comes together at the bottom. Oh, my God. It's like your human suit. It's the seam in Bone Tomahawk. That's where they start. Yeah, that, exactly that.

So, look. This was, like, his dick before, right? That's his dick dick? That was his dick dick, right? That's pretty nice. And then this was after. Oh, yeah. That's smaller.

Way smaller. Oh, I know who that dude is, too. Yeah. It got a lot taller. No, and then he pretended. He was, like, he did a GoFundMe to raise money for the bigger dick. He did a GoFundMe? Yeah, and then he said that someone hacked him and faked it.

He said how he needed money for a surgery. And everyone was roasting him for it. And he's like, I got hacked. I'm like, I need to get out of here. He's going to come for me. So he did that surgery because he broke his dick? Yeah, because the big dick, the original big dick stopped getting hard because he kept injecting.

Oh, right, right, right. But he didn't break it like fucking? No. But it's easy. When you break your dick, dick stop getting hard because he kept after you injected so much like you know but he but he didn't break it like fucking no that's crazy but I do know some of those but it's easy when you break your dick it just they just it heals really yeah you

don't Dennis Ryman told us that blood was pouring out of the tip of his penis he said he broke his dick three three times he sat on a chair

with his dick hard yeah but I mean if it's that big it's easier to break listen sat on a chair with his dick hard and a girl ran across the room and jumped

and tried to land, like, in on his dick and didn't. No. You'd have to be unbelievable. Chris Kyle with the pussy. I forgot this. That is, and then imagine you just land and you just hear a

tick and it's just just bleeding That's awful But that You said that like it was a hangnail No it just heals Yeah doesn't it Oh well I mean I don't know I think

Someone was telling me It's a muscle Isn't it like what you tear Well it's like It's almost I think it's more like cartilage I don't know what it is Who was telling me this story

Someone was telling me this story recently Where like They were in the Hamptons And their friend broke their dick Having sex And they heard the pop In the house They were not in the Hamptons and their friend broke their dick having sex and they heard the pop in the house. They were not in the room. They were not a part of the sex. They were just in the house.

They heard the pop. I feel like you would be like breaking a carrot. Like a little bit. Really? I don't want to know. I'm good. No interest in ever finding out. Have you ever done a scene or been with a guy who like, you know the guys who want you

to kick it and stomp on it and whack it and shit. Have you ever done that? Yeah, I have. But it wasn't like a guy that I was having sex with. It was a guy that I was like putting stuff in his butt. Yeah. You know? Not like the guy that I want to, like I don't want to.

And you're just like, like beating it. I stepped on it. Stepped on it? With heels? Stepped on his balls. With the heel or the foot? Yeah, stepped on. No, like, stepped on it. Stepped on it? Yeah. With heels? Stepped on his balls. With the heel or the foot? Yeah, stepped on. No, like, with the foot. Like, with the foot, not with the heel.

And then I put clothespins on his ball socks. And then I made, like, a zipper. I made, like, a long string with, like, clothespins, like, in every two inches of space. And then I put the clothespins here, all the way down to, like, his balls. And then I just rip them. Did those just not feel pain? Wait, by the way, did you come up with that? I think they like the pain.

Did you come up with that idea? Yeah, but zippers... You're a sick fuck. You're a sick fuck. But zippers are a common thing in PDSM so I just chose zippers and I would like to get Dom... I was the submissive one

so they would put zippers on me. So I just remember... I don't like the... Rather than doing it like on my arm I did it from his nipples to his palms yo

have you ever done sounding um no that's crazy soundings when you put something in the yeah you stick like like a metal

little pieces of metal into the pee hole like a sounding into the pee hole I think that's what it's called heavens how do you know

what that is I did it once I will try anything once I will never do that into the b-hole. I think that's what it's called. Heavens. How do you know what that is? I did it once. I will try anything once. I will never do that. There's no way anything will go in there. A little bit of shampoo goes in there and my life's over. I would imagine you have to do like

they have to have like almost like a butt plug type thing on the end because it just goes in. No, it's like a long it comes like in a set of like little metal sticks and they get bigger. Ay, carisca. That would be the worst thing of all metal sticks, and they get bigger. Ay, carisca.

That would be the worst thing of all time. God, heaven's the best thing. What does your sister think about it? She's so... I'm out. Are you just like, this is just whatever? You're so used to it by now? Kind of.

I used to show my trailers. I'll be like, look at this new trailer. You'll show your what? I'll be like, look at this new trailer, I'll be like, look at this new trailer, like the acting stuff. Why would she want to see that? You just told us to stop watching. Not the sex part,

the acting part. Oh, the acting. No, the acting. And the acting, it is funny. Like some of the premises. No, I mean, that's why you're good at this shit.

When are you starting your own podcast and stuff? Oh my God, no, I can't, I'm too busy. But I want to. I think it's so cool. You guys this shit when are you starting your own podcast and stuff oh my god no I can't I'm too busy but I want to I think it's so cool you guys have such a cool job but you know

you guys dedicate a lot of time to this like this is like like yeah like hours and hours and hours

and hours yeah I can't be one of those half half podcasters like that you know respect that yeah like this is your life I know you

but the thing is you actually could be yeah I would love that that would be I mean I think that's so cool. It's a lot of hard work. One of these days, I think it's going to happen.

It's not that hard, though. If you do it right, it's not that hard. I'm like, give me your compliment. No, just being real. It's like hard to schedule everything, but once you're in the, this is not hard right now. John might be hard, I don't know, but it's not hard for the rest of us. Okay. let's go

let's go do who's the biggest asshole anything you want to plug you just want to say come check out piggyback AVN Awards

January 7th yeah January 7th. Thank you. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.