KFC Radio - Adam Levine Proves That All White Guys Flirt the Same Way Ft. Ms. Pat

Episode Date: September 22, 2022

- Jackie’s Nose Job reveal - Squirting Science Experiment - Adam Levine’s leaked dms / how white boys flirt - Boy who gave Aaron Judges ball back - Buffalo chicken boys - AITA - Taylor swift tickets - Video Voicemails - Eiffel towered by Jesus and satan - Oldest person to not c*m - worst thing on a diet - Interview with Ms. Pat on pick up lines, drinking soda out of a d*ldo and critiquing Jackie’s nose job +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - Jackie's Nose Job Reveal 8:35 - We LOVE Merchapalooza 14:35 - Dave Portnoy addressed Upfronts mishap 16:19 - Science has figured out if squirting is pee or not 36:41 - Adam Levine texts like all white boys do 51:59 - Boy who gave up Aaron Judge's ball 1:01:50 - AITA 1:16:28 - Video Voicemails 1:30:52 - Ms. Pat Interview +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Gametime: Download the Gametime app and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). Mugsy Jeans: Get you Sad Boy Denim Jacket at https://mugsyjeans.com/products/sad-boy-denim-jacket Ridge Wallet : Go to https://barstool.link/RidgeBSS and use code KFC for 10% off your order WhistlePig Whiskey: Get your bottle at https://barstool.link/WPKFC or at a local retailer.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All of them were holding a cup underneath the girl, which really makes it not hot, by the way. Oh, strong disagree, Brent. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Who do we have on the show today? Miss Pat. Miss Pat. Okay, we just today? Miss Pat. Miss Pat. Okay, we just talked to Miss Pat.

Shit was fucking funny. She goes back and forth with Jackie. Oh, my God. It is hilariously inappropriate. It is. Yeah. Kevin was like, I don't even know if we can laugh. Yeah, I was like, I'm not sure what I'm allowed to laugh at and react to.

I have such a reaction to immediately laugh that I can almost get myself in trouble. Yeah. Because I'm always, I stay on the edge. Like somehow, some way, I'm always right on the verge of shitting your pants. Three things, in fact. Yeah. Shitting my pants, laughing, crying. I am suspended.

I'm like Vecna, just suspended there between all three things. If the wind blows one way, it it's happening yeah i know that and uh so i'm always like particularly when we're talking to like a very funny comedian i'm always right ready like and laugh yeah and so you just like let her rip she's just trying it was like that was a loud laugh for what she said some words are not allowed to say some insinuations are not allowed to make um so that's fucking amazing with jackie shout out to jackie back at work right away Some words we're not allowed to say. Some insinuations we're not allowed to make. So that's fucking amazing with Jackie. Shout out to Jackie.

Back at work right away. Still out here with a thick Italian skin. Full week off. Full week off. Full week off. Well, three days. Oh, because we're talking six days off, but you had a weekend. But I had a weekend. Is this your first episode?

Oh, yeah. It's your first episode on the show. First episode on the show. I's my first episode on the show. I want to say it's swollen. Show the people. And that's why it's swollen, and that's why it looks like this. And it's going to go down. It's going to look hopefully cute. I don't know.

But they said I have thick Italian skin, and so that's why I'm swelling more than the average person. But it's going to go down. I think it's steroid shots. Did a doctor himself, herself, told you. Well, he said. Their self. A doctor their self told you that you have thick skin.

Well, so since he cut into me, he knows that I have thick skin. I don't think thick skin's a real thing. No, and so then he goes, well, I know you have thick skin. What ethnicity are you? And I said well I'm Italian So you can't ask that Okay yeah he said what are you? And I said I'm Italian And he said oh that makes sense

Italians have thick skin and thick tissue And that's why I thought he was joking What's his name? We can cut it out What's his name? Dr. Richard Reich I was hoping he was going to be an Italian No no bro What's his name? We can cut it out. What's his name? Dr. Richard Reich.

I was hoping he was going to be an Italian. No, no. Bro. He's an Upper East Side plastic surgeon. Thought he was Italian. Yeah, so my name's Anthony Moltisani. I'm here to do your nose job. I don't think so.

You could have said he was a doctor. Yeah. An Italian doctor. Bro, if you're an Italian doctor, you get no business. This guy might have an anger issue. And then he just freaks out in the middle. Like, God damn it. I'm still putting pineapples on pizza.

I thought at first it was maybe a joke that you didn't get like thick skin. You know, like you have thick skin, you can take a joke. No, no, no, no, no. But he said you have thick tissue. He said I have thick tissue. Okay. I mean, that does feel like it could be a thing. Yeah, I don't think so.

Can I tell you something? I refuse to believe that certain ethnicities – You want to go against my doctor? Huh? You want to go against my doctor? Yeah, this will be the first time I go against a doctor on this show. Give us 15 minutes. We're going to do it again.

Yeah, I just don't think that certain ethnicities or races have thicker skin than other people. Well, that's because you have thin skin. Okay, what ethnicity is taller than most people? Fuck, I know the answer to that one. I was going to say, all of these things you're about to say are probably very real. I know. That's Norwegians.

Norwegians are the tallest. Yeah, but I'm sure that's the reason why people have different colored skin and different, like, the problem when you Google thick skin is that the euphemism thick skin comes up, not the fucking... Yeah, because that's the real one. I almost, let me see. So, Nick posed an idea

at one point, Jackie, of we have like a funeral, like a roast for your old nose but I thought that was kind of mean it's a form of support we can absolutely do that once we're sure that I'm going to have a good nose

if not that's just going to be so sad it's a botch job I wish I had the old nose botch job that's a botch job but we can absolutely do the roast. It was more out of support to be like, so you're never second guessing yourself. No, exactly. Right.

But it does imply like, hey, the first 23 years, your nose is fucking ugly. Yeah, but I'll be able to take that as long as I know that I have a good nose. That's like when people tell Dave that he used to be ugly. He's like, but I'm not now. So what the fuck ever, you know? I almost though tweeted, I deleted the picture since I needed space on my phone. But I was saving this picture, deleting around it at one point because I was like, I got to keep it.

I was watching Lord of the Rings and there was one of the dwarves was on camera. Do they have racist dwarves too? What? Do they have racist dwarves too? What? Do they have racist dwarves too? I would imagine all dwarves are racist. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. People are racist about the dwarves in Lord of the Rings. No, I'm saying like the, I'm talking about the bankers in Harry Potter.

Oh, yeah, the goblins. Yeah, no, no, not quite. Well, there was a side profile of just a fucking honker on one of the dwarfs and i almost tweeted like live look at jackie's nose jackie's old nose or her swollen nose or whatever you're also just quite literally describing a tweet i received by a stranger yesterday yeah i was gonna say john's been tagged in that one a few times what what was the picture of? No, this one is of the racist stuff. But it was, I tweeted the picture. Oh, that's not the one I was thinking of.

Oh, yeah. Thank you. Everybody bring your John Nose tweets in. I tweeted this picture just being like how big, you've seen this, from the back of my hair to the tip of my nose. Yeah, it's a football field. And someone replied with this, which is very accurate. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what I, if I went. Who is that, which is very accurate. Yeah. That's what I... Who is that? That's the racist... Dude, those are the fucking bankers. Right, they made them like character Jews. Yeah. They made them the fucking propaganda Nazis used.

That's crazy. Did they name him like Gargamel? I honestly... I don't know what that means. It's just like a very Jewish name. Gargamel was like the bad guy in the Smurfs who was like this big old Jewish looking guy. I think there is some kind of racist naming. I actually really like that picture of me in that one, so you're a shit out of luck, man.

I don't know. We got to keep circulating that fucking poster. Oh, I don't care. I think it's hilarious. I'm not embarrassed for that. That's just what I look like, man. The hair is what's funny. It makes your head look like it's the wrong shape or something.

I didn't realize how much hair I have until right now. That's a good thing. That's what you want, you know? I want to shave my head so fucking bad. I might shave my head. I might let it rip all winter and then in the summer fucking shave it. Are you going to shave your beard too? Just be like a fucking cue ball?

What's like a big round ball with a fucking thing sticking out of it? I don't know what you'll look like. Mr. Cone. I don't know what that is, but sounds about right. In my head, it's a stick figure with a big nose. No. No.

Let me finish. I was going to say a Pikmin. A what? Google a Pikmin real quick. Pikmin? Pikmin? P-I-C-K-M-I-N. P-I-K-M-I-N.

Old video game. That guy. Hell, yeah. That's not nice. Wait, which one? No, no. The leader. You said round ball with a big nose.

Oh, that guy. Yeah, but that's more of a bulbous nose. I have a pointy nose. That's what Jackie's nose is right now. When Miss Pat says what she thinks Jackie's nose looks like, I mean, it was like a bomb drop. The room stopped for a second. It was fucking hilarious

anyway we have tickets on sale right now DC we're coming down next week two weeks from now next week

whatever the 29th eight days yeah seven days a week from now DC Improv about 50 tickets are left

we want that to be a sellout so please DC do your thing show some love make sure you show out so that we'll come back in the future. We want that to be a sellout.

So go buy tickets. If you go to KFC Radio Social, you can click our link. It has our tickets available. Also, we are doing a merch challenge right now at Barstool Sports. Oh, yeah! We love those! It's Merchapalooza! Let me tell you what everybody loves at Barstool Sports.

When we get the emails saying that we all have to push merch at the same time. Because we know that you guys, the consumer, love it. Nothing quite like when you open up your social media and all of your favorite Barstool bloggers are just tweeting promo codes. With lies

about what they'll do with the money. Well, no, but one thing we will do. So the contest is from September 21st to 28th, whoever sells the most using this promo code gets a cash prize. And I originally said I was going to give it to these guys. You guys have been bumped. Robbie Fox has teeth falling out of his head. We got to take care of him.

So everybody use promo code Robbie. He literally, his molar is out of his head right now, and he couldn't afford a replacement. Listen, it's as much for me as it is for him. I can't be associating with people who don't have their full mouth of teeth. Okay? We got to have it. Everybody's got to have 30 teeth or whatever it is, you know? You know who the only person I know who had fucking teeth fall out of their head was?

Charlie Kelly. Right, right. Ah! Ah! Ah! It that was amazing it's one of my favorite scenes ever we need and if you stop pulling your teeth out and if we do if you do need to lose your tooth we got to be able to put that a new one right back in there we got to get a crown or a bridge or whatever the fuck it is a veneer i don't know what we're doing uh but we're going to get Bob a tooth. So what you can do, two birds, one stone, is buy KFC Radio merch and use the Robbie code. So it doesn't matter what you buy. It's just matter what you, and you get 10% off. So you can buy my stuff, Sad Boy stuff, KFC Radio stuff, jacked up, whatever. Just use promo code Robbie, get 10% off, and help put a tooth back in that man's head.

He needs it. And then maybe we'll relent and you can use your social media again without being bombarded. Just know that we don't like that either. Yeah. Don't you fucking dare use promo code fights. I want mine to be zero. I want to have zero promo. I want Robbie to have a 10,000. Buy a ton of Sad Boy stuff.

Buy a ton of KFC Radio stuff. Buy a ton of all that shit. Use code Robbie so Robbie can win. Don't you dare use FIGHTS. That's the business acumen here at Barstool Sports, man. Today's episode is brought to you by Whistlepig. Whistlepig. Miss Pack came in here, did her interview, and is brought to you by Whistlepig. Whistlepig. Miss Pat came in here, did her interview, and wiped us out of our Whistlepig.

Yeah. She took six bottles of Whistlepig with her. And we're going to send her more. She's throwing a party. Miss Pat. Happy to give it to her. Miss Pat. Some of the people in Miss Pat's crew collect Whistlepig.

They were having us autograph bottles for them. So wait. The one woman said she collects it, right? And we autographed. Is that why? Because it's like, is that why we autographed it? Because it's a collection thing? Or she wanted it autographed because she just likes us?

I think it's a collection. Okay. But the other person we autographed for, that was just because. She just likes us. Because then we autographed money for her, too. Yeah, we just were signing $100 bills. Ain't no thing. They were fake.

So Whistlepig brought to you today by the Whistlepig Whiskey and the Maple Syrup. Miss Pat was like, what the fuck is this? Is this whiskey? I was like, no, it's Maple Syrup. As always, I take my celebratory swig of Whistlepig Syrup. I'll have a swig of Whistlepig Whiskey.

I love it so much. I really genuinely love this syrup. I'll have a swig of Whistlepig whiskey. I love it so much. I really genuinely love this syrup. I genuinely love this whiskey. Me too, bro. Look at us. It's the best whiskey in the game, man. It is the coolest brand we've ever associated with, the coolest people we rock with,

the best whiskey, the best farm that we've ever been to. I've only been to one farm but whatever it's it's the shit bro honestly the thing that sucks about

our Whistlepig ad reads is that like it should be 10 seconds I'd fucking throw it out Whistlepig is fucking awesome yeah that's it dude end of story

I don't need to hit you like oh 60 seconds of this and make sure the call to action is that it's like this shit is fucking awesome. They're awesome for even agreeing to pay us, you know, be a sponsor because they probably could get it for free. But they're like, no, fuck that.

We want you guys to, like, you know, succeed. We just watched a whiskey video. It just happened while we were having lunch. Kevin pulled up a whiskey video to show me. And they were trying a different kind of whiskey and one of the tasters said uh this is not a whiskey i would recommend to use as an old-fashioned or whatever something and and this is a whiskey i would use for this is a whiskey you could do without you can drink it neat you can drink another rocks you can do it for an old-fashioned uh you know uh fucking whatever i mean uh if you're doing like a whiskey and Coke, you know, it's just the best.

I would always use it. I would not recommend putting Coke in there, though. It's like just drinking fucking. It's very good, but it's so strong the rye comes through. It's a six-year-age, 100% rye. It's fucking unbelievable. It's got that spice to it. That's it.

Yeah, so big things are coming. We've already done a lot with them. Big things are even furthermore coming. So go to, what is it, whistlepigwhiskey.com. I wish I didn't even furthermore coming. Go to whistlepigwhiskey.com. I wish I didn't throw that paper away. Shop.whistlepigwhiskey.com. Shop.whistlepigwhiskey.com. Did they change it on us again?

I think they did. They added the shop. They're just tricking me. They're out there trying to trick me, man. Okay. There's a few things we need to talk about today uh first of all did you hear dave's reaction to the upruns on his show yeah um it was funny i mean he was he was laughing it was so it was so egregious he was laughing at us um but it was you know it's what we talked like

i actually i guess in the last episode we talked about how we got left out and how it was a big slap in the face. But it was almost in a weird way. Like it finally got somebody to recognize us. And, you know, for Dave to be like, you know, like when you trip over something. Oh, fuck. I didn't know that was there. Yeah. You got to stumble.

Who fucking put that? That's it. That's it. That's easy. KFC Radio's new tagline. Who the fuck put that there? Stub your toe on KFC Radio. Yeah, he said it was just like an egregious mistake. He was like, you know, they fucking invented podcasts. They were the very first podcast, and they're not up there.

I was thinking about if we got up there, though, I think I genuinely would have said this shit's running too long. Let me just tell you real quickly. We can talk about anything under the sun. We're very authentic. Like, please buy into us. And like my gift to you will be that we're only up here for 30 seconds tonight. That's what they did. Dave did that?

Yeah. Yeah. See, you know, he's got a feel for the room. He knows. So it's not like we even Would have put on a huge You know production We would have gone out there And we would have been like

Fuck this We're anti-corporate Yeah Fuck the man Bad call I would have fucking brought Red spray paint And joined like an anarchy

Sticking on the wall Trying to get everyone to rise up Cause your boss here Kill your masters Break the chains. So, huge news from the world of science. Science says they have definitively – well, they say that they have definitively proven what squirt is.

Kevin sent me this video yesterday along with, I think, the full science breakdown. Well, that's what's funny is that there's a timeout. That's the closest play I've ever seen. Watch this. I don't think I've ever seen a legitimate tie go to the runner type shit. Like, watch these two feet. Yeah. I mean, that's like simultaneous, right?

Okay. So yeah, I sent you a video yesterday along with a, like the scientific abstract. So I saw a TikTok and then this woman, there was a nurse. And then I went to the website and it was called Enhanced Visualization of the Female Squirt. What's crazy is they're using the word squirt. There's also ejaculate around there,

but a lot of it just says like squirts, squirting, squirted, squirt. I like that, dude. Use the word you're talking about. Well, yes, but you know. So many industries, they fucking gatekeep their industry so you can't get in

because you don't get in. You can't even talk about it. You don't even know what – I don't know what that word means. Oh, you mean ejaculate? Fuck you mean ejaculate. No, squirt. I know what you mean now. Okay, I can participate in this conversation.

Right. Now we know what we're talking about. Dr. DiStefano. So doctors scientifically proved, figured out what squirt is by putting a catheter into five females, completely draining them of their urine, their pee. Oh, wait. The cath would be sick. I wouldn't want a catheter. No, no, no.

It's not sick, dude. No, but just like if people just sucked piss out of me, that'd be so dope. Dude, if someone just stuck a needle in your bladder and just sucked the piss out, that'd be funny. Well, I guess that's what a catheter is, dude. Yeah, but I'd rather the needle go into me. Into my stomach than my dick. Yeah, wherever my bladder is. You've had a catheter in before?

I don't believe so. It's so weird. It's kind of like the belly button feeling. Oh, really? That's not so bad. Well, when it's coming out. Do this. Put your finger into your belly button and then roll it down. So you're pushing down on your belly button. Do you, really? That's not so bad. Well, when it's coming out. Do this. Put your finger into your belly button

and then roll it down so you're pushing down on your belly button. Do you feel it in your tip? Yeah. Yeah. If I do that, I get a weird feeling

right on the tip of my dick. I gotta get it. I gotta hit the spot right. I'm feeling comfortable now. Hang on. I just came right now. It's like, whoops. Fissures. Sorry, I was trying to get a sharp fucking sensation in my dick and I came

you know what's so funny I said to John this is especially coming off the heels of Mean Girls put out a video about Squirt and it got a ton of views I was like this would be a great this could be like a viral video and so my point was trying to come into this i wanted to try to do it as concisely as possible and next thing you know we're fingering our belly yeah yeah yeah you're gonna

so i'll be very concise when i got a pants full of cum the doctors put the catheter in removed all the urine. They then, I think using the same catheter, put indigo dye, blue dye, back into the bladder. And then they fucked them. And they fingered them. And there's video of it. See, this is where my issue starts to come into play here. Because, I mean, I guess that's science. That's science.

But those guys are like – Well, also, not to be racist or prejudiced, but we know how, you know, Eastern culture gets down when it comes to porn and sex and stuff. And all these doctors were like Yoki Yukiyama and all these, like, Japanese doctors. Okay. So I think they were like – and everything's pixelated and they're fucking. They are. So they, you know – They're very much fucking they like that stuff i forgot what i was gonna say son of a dickhole they got they got cytheria up in there just blasting the

fucking laboratory walls that's exactly what i was gonna say is like i i thought it was gonna be something a little more scientific which i guess i don't even know what that is well this is i mean well like a machine stimulus? bring in the fucking stud horse. Well, I did think that they were going to probably use a vibrator and they didn't.

They used guys. Well, that's, I thought they were going to go more detailed than vibrator but then I was like, I guess it would be pretty insane to go

to the doctors and get strapped to a fucking machine. Yeah, what they need is probably like a Sibian. You put on a seatbelt and they got some dude over in the corner

pedaling. The light bulbs from flickering. Because all the power is going to the vibrator. Concise. Keep it tight. Keep it tight. He gets tired after the third. We didn't want to break.

She's like, a little more, a little more, a little more. Running out of gas. He's got a fisherman's jacket on. So these guys come in. I don't know if it's because I was just fingering my belly button or because of the bicycle kick. You're the worst, bro. I know. You're the fucking worst.

You're the worst. So they brought the guy in, and the one guy is doing what we all know, you know, the, like, Spider-Man thing. The other guy, she is just standing up, like, feet and hands, like, on the ground. Just, like, totally bent over doggy style. And he's just fucking her from the back. And it's just pouring out like a faucet. These women squirt.

Squirt. And then the last one was a girl just, on her back, legs up, almost like giving birth type shit. And he fucks her and pulls out and it's just. Yeah. But it's all. It must be nice to be the guy who like you walk into the room after the guy who was doing the hand stuff. And he's like, all right, so just here's how I break it down. I was like, no, I do it. No, I'm just going to use my fucking big fat dick.

My big fat dick. My big fat dick is... See, but this is the thing. So anyway, let me finish. So all of the squirt that came out was blue, thereby proving that the indigo that was in the bladder,

it came out. So it's got to be urine. Then I keep reading, though, and there's something inside women called the Skeen's gland. I don't know how to say it. S-K-E-N-E-S. Skeen's glands. And that, it's like the female prostate.

It's like a gland. I think the urethra runs along it, and that secretes like the um like when a girl gets wet so that seems like cum right yeah so but if that mixed with the blue it would still come out blue so how would you know what you need to do is put a different color dye in the glands. So you need to put some blue dye over here and some yellow dye over there

and if it comes out green, then you know it's pee and girl cum. And if it comes out just green, you know it's girl cum and if it comes out just blue and then if it's like a turquoise teal,

well, we start to do a little scale. Well, that's a great point because, I mean, these women are fucking pissing. Yeah, the one girl is just... I was like, I don't need any

in to go to tell me that girl's pissing. That girl is pissing, bro. That girl is just peeing. I mean, it's fucking... You know what it is? It's like he was fucking her and he pulled out and it kind of gushed. And then he's like

All of them were holding a cup underneath the girl Which really makes it not hot by the way Oh strong disagree friend So I guess what they determined though I guess as I'm saying this out loud If it was just pee Meaning Or if it just came from the bladder it would have been

like strong blue indigo so the fact that it was like watered down a little bit means that it also mixed with this girl cum so it's kind of what we already know it comes from the bladder it's mostly p it's mixed up with a little bit of girl cum if you're doing it right. Now, there's also plenty of chicks in porn and probably in real life who just piss. They just decide to piss. And guess what, though? Guess what? I don't fucking care. Okay?

Like, it was funny. I was telling somebody yesterday. I was explaining the experiment. And I said, like – What? No, you had to say it. I'm just being, like, squatted down with a cup, being like, this is number one or number three. Yeah.

I mean, the scientific method on here. They had gloves on, and they're in white coats and shit. Dipping your finger in, like like Denzel on training day. I don't know. Like, ooh, that's the club. That's the good shit. That's just uncut right there. That's from the skis. That's straight from the skis.

Oh, yeah. I spit out your cartoon. Straight from the skins I think though So like when I explained it It was funny I said I almost hit the punchline Like the big reveal

Is like And it came out blue And she goes So it's pee then huh? You know like disappointed Like oh I'm fucking peeing on you huh? But Yeah

Yeah that was my point. I was like, yeah. Yes, it is. You're fucking pissed off. And it was like, well, I would like to think that I'm not. I was like, well, you are. But, like, it's different. Getting fucked to the point that you pee on me is very different from you just like popping a squat and peeing on me.

You know? Like, if I achieve that, if I either fuck you so good or so just wild that you pee, guess what? I'm a happy customer, okay? I am a happy camper. If I'm sleeping and you just, I wake up and you're squatting over me and you pee on me, still a happy customer. I just would prefer you. I'm not going to the manager or anything. Still a happy camper.

If a friend tells me I'll say it was a mediocre experience. I still think, though. I made my girl come last night. Oh, how'd you do it? I was tied up in the bathtub. She just kind of straddled it. I still think... So the final... Let me find the exact...

Let me pull it up because it was like the conclusion. I was like, all right. Bro, you read this thing. You read this report like you were approving it for a medical board. Well, yes, but it was one page. Oh, okay.

But I am super into this. Not going to lie. How about this? I mean, my – yeah, here it is. Enhanced visualization of the female squirt. Yeah, it's by Miyabi Inu, Yuki Sekiguki, Nurika Nioyama, and Tomoko Kobayashi. And Moto Araki. You horny motherfucking

doctors. Like, how about you go out there trying to cure cancer instead of being like, it's the squirt piss! People don't talk about cancer anymore. They talk about squirt piss. They all, I mean, everybody talks about piss. They talk about it for half a decade. And girls, like, porn stars tell you it's pee, but I'm like, you guys,

I'm not saying you're not peeing. I get that you're on stage performing and you're just pissing on dudes. I'm talking about the average girl

who, or the above average or the rare girl. I'm talking about the superior woman. The really fuck. So the final result, conclusions.

The main component of squirt is urine, but may also contain fluid from the skeins glands so it's like that actually doesn't do much you know no but it does like like all scientific studies is like okay back to zero okay yeah but if you told me that yeah it's uh from the bladder but there's also some girl cum i'd be be like, yeah, I already knew that. But it's cool that you did it and figured it out with fucking indigo dye.

Now we can call her some Easter eggs. Now, I mean, honestly, if you look at the fucking video of it, you can drop an egg in there and put some vinegar in there and it will fucking dye your egg, no problem. I mean, and the funniest thing

obviously we won't show it but this is the music they play meanwhile so think of this music and then picture a hand in between a girl standing up in between her cheeks just going bro in slow motion this is if you've seen the video it's hilarious this is not the music you would be hearing that's like you're that. You're painting your Easter eggs blue right there. Bro, when this video... When this video started I did hear a song.

And it was not this. It was My name is Kid! Kid Rock! Ball with the ball in a bag! KILL ROCK! BAH! BALL WITH THE BALL IN A BAG! Dude. Bro, this one, look at this guy's arm.

It's just covered in blue. His arm is just blue like he's fucking like Aquaman or some shit. He is just... These women didn't even know what kind of study they were participating in.

Alright, so I'm gonna just piss while the guy fucks me. Like, they're all just... They're all just... But what while a guy fucks me? They're all just pissing. But what I don't get is this. They're just pissing. What was that? I'll tell you what. If Squirt was blue, it would not be the sexual preference it is today.

I feel like this. What if it was just different colors? If it was. I think. Taste the rainbow. I can different colors If it was I think Taste the rainbow I can't speak for everybody I don't know this I'm a big blue guy I love the color blue

That got you fucking boned up I'm just thinking It's like you're fucking It's like you're making an avatar squirt It's just It's like It feels like alien You know

Like it does feel like you're Listen Bro I don't care If you're pissing on me Or if you're coming on me I don't care if you're pissing on me or if you're coming on me i don't care if it's blue green white purple whatever i'm into all of it bro so girls whatever i feel like girls get like self-conscious about it it's like listen we all can fucking

smell it a little bit we all know that it's definitely a little bit of pee and uh who cares change the sheets let's do it again later get some fucking uh you know those those those waterproof sheets i already have them i have a rubber i have a rubber blanket that i put underneath the sheet the top sheet and i just leave there you know you do yeah i like that it's like just always going to get ready if you stay ready yeah it's like because i don't i don't need to suck going out in the mattress i'll Yeah, because I don't need to go in and have a mattress. I'll change the sheets. I don't want to change the mattress. That's a bit much.

Oh, I just don't change mattresses. Like, bro, you should see my mattress. It's a goddamn fucking mess. It's tie-dyed. What's up with the pillows do this a lot? The yellow. Oh. What is it?

Like, sweat? Sweat. Or is it piss? Let's do an experiment. John's just peeing on his pillows. I think it's piss, guys. So I think what I will say as a squirt doctor here, I will say it's like 88 piss, 12% girl cum.

I also think it depends on like is your bladder full or did you drink a lot? You know what I mean? Yeah. Because it's like, you know, if you had to pee and in the middle of it, I'm just pushing down on your fucking stomach, you're probably going to pee on me. And that's okay. And don't, I mean, truly, genuinely, though, I think I cut you off before, but you said something you were about to say,

like, I'm not going to speak for everybody. I'm going to speak for every guy. You can cum or piss on them. Oh. They won't be, they'll be okay with it. At the very least, they'll be like, like, whoa, that was a lot. But like, they'll enjoy it.

There's no one who's going to be mad. No one's kicking you out of bed for cumming or peeing on yeah oh come on the the from the female point of view just want to be clear on that yeah from the female direction if guys just run up on girls peeing them you will get kicked out of bed can you pull up the uh mac always sunny is that piss that's all i think about this whole conversation it's arguably my favorite Sonny clip. It is so fucking funny. I don't even care if this is in the show or not. I just want to watch it real quick. Is that his?

Pull over, you little dickhead! Pull over, you little dick! Pull over the door! Jesus Christ, D. Cover the bed. Maybe you shouldn't be throwing jars of pee out the window. Maybe I am. But isn't that funny?

If you're sleeping in the back of a Subaru and someone throws a fucking jar of pee on your chest, you're upset. If you're laying in bed and a jar of pee hits your chest, you're upset. If you're laying in bed and a jar of pee hits your chest, you're like, that was hot. I don't know, man. It's all about time and place. The time and place are everything, man.

I need five minutes after that, huh? Yeah, probably. I was about to say that. You guys do play-by-play of the Mets Brewers. Rowdy, tell us. I was about to say, I can give you five minutes on this. The Brewers, me and Clem said the Brewers, I think,

are contractually obligated to always have one guy on the team who looks like a Milwaukee Brewer. And Rowdy Tellez is the guy this year. There's always a fat guy or a guy with a big handlebar mustache. It's a guy they just pull off the line over at Miller Lite. Guess who wins today? You. Rowdy's your name? Grab a bat. He's got a fucking

barrel full of hops and he's getting the hospital gown stuff. They're like, nope, not today, Rowdy. Head on down to fucking the park. Yeah, no, he'll ride the slide. He always does every time. Oh, man, I love it.

If you want to go watch the Brewers or the Mets or the Braves or anybody but the goddamn Phillies who couldn't win a fucking game to save their lives, they have a 10-game losing streak in September

while they're chasing the playoffs, and they still might make it. That should be like an angle. Really? I mean, if they keep losing, they're not going to, obviously, but they still could. They didn't help us at all against the goddamn Braves. The Nats, are they still up right now?

All right, the Nats are up right now, doing a little bit of help, potentially. Top nine. Oh, baby. Oh, talk dirty to me. So, pennant race baseball is on. We've got football is back. We've got, obviously, NHL and NBA coming.

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Guaranteed. It's the GameTime app. Promo code KFC. For $20 off your first purchase. So Adam Levine gets caught. I can't even bring myself to say caught cheating. I genuinely believe that those people are fucking other people. Yeah. I would bet.

I would be willing to bet that the Hollywood couples that we know of, the ones that are really hot people, really famous people, I would say the vast majority of them are in open relationships. I don't think so.

I just think you know. I think there's a whole underbelly of NDAs. By the way, I think we've said this a million times. NDA doesn't mean shit. If you have an NDA, tell us about how you're fucking Adam Levine. But that's the thing. Or don't. I'm kidding.

You just don't know. But people do know. When this came out, that website, that account, Dumois, and all that shit, they're all like, yeah, we know. Really? Yeah. We've gotten tips about Adam Levine and models for like a decade. So people do know.

It's just not like mainstream, mainstream, you know? And you don't care enough, you know, to whatever. By the way, at one point, Miss Pat calls him Adam Maroon. It's so funny. Yeah. Of course I know Adam Maroon. Yeah, she was such a dick about it, too. So the girl. He, by the way i i saw these dms yesterday they're like i just saw like that they were screenshotted and stuff like that and and i

started to read like i read like a word and i can't do it like i read other people's sex now now that i'm now that they're out i'm happy like i've heard about them all this stuff but like before it became a thing and it was just like oh do I want to read Adam Levine's sex? I couldn't do it, and I think that makes me a better person than most do. Yeah. Well, no. I was like, it wasn't even like, I'm sure. It means you're different, for sure,

because I'm like, let me read that shit. If you think you're better than me, because you don't read Adam Maroon's sex, you can suck my dick. I want to be clear. I want to be very loud and clear. In fact, turn the mic up a little bit if you can, maybe in post. I think I'm a better person than you because I don't read just sex of strangers.

No, you are an indifferent person. You don't give a fuck about anything. No, because it's a mix. Genuinely, it's honestly a mix. You're telling me you're like, I don't want to read these because I don't want to invade his privacy. It's a mix of this is cringy. And it's a mix. I don't want to read these because I don't want to invade his privacy. It's a mix of this is cringy. And it's a mix of – I don't know what the combination is. And Adam Levine is not the first person I've ever done it with.

But whenever there are leaked things, I'm always like, I don't feel like – Well, you know what that is. It's fear of it happening to you. Oh, 1,000%. I'm almost like, I'm not going to post these because I don't want to – I'm hoping to put the good universities in the world. If I do it enough, people won't read mine. I will. Because it's going to happen.

It's going to happen to everybody. Someone's going to do it someday. It's going to happen. But what we can all do. So it's the three things. 33% each. 33.33, just so you know, because you're not much of a math guy. Right.

33.33% invasion of privacy. 33.33% kind of cringy. And then 33.3% if I do this enough, no one will read my text. Right. Okay. I understand that. I will like... And then.001% I'm better than you.

The thing is, at least in this case Whether it's Adam Maroon That was good math Whether it's John Feidelberg Whether it's me, Pavs, Nick If all of ours leak They're all going to look the same

Because there's What we're coming to realize Is that there's something that's basically called White boy flirting And it just involves A But what we're coming to realize is that there's something that's basically called white boy flirting. And it just involves almost an exasperated shock at how hot we think you are. It's almost like we're a little bit angry how fucking hot you are because it's like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I've downright yelled at people. Yeah.

It's like a, you have no fucking business. That ass has no fucking business looking like that. Those tits, get the fuck out of here. Dude, I've walked around my room. I've like stormed around my room like a fucking coked out junkie in a movie with like a gun to his head. Like, what the fuck is that? Are you kidding me? God damn it

that might be a little bit of a shock thing i think we've all what gives you the right in what world in what world do you think you can have that body? Because Adam Levine's were like, he goes, holy fuck. Holy fucking fuck. Holy fucking fuck. I got to see that fucking body. And it's like, you. Yeah.

That's just, I'm just. It's more, it comes off as angry. But it's not. It's more like, oh, what? It's like stunned. Here's what I'll say about white boy flirting. It's truly unreal how fucking hot you are. It blows my mind.

Then another girl sends out, this is a random guy, not Adam Maroon. I may need to see that booty. Fuck. No, that also, I think that's Adam Maroon. That's Adam Maroon too? I mean, look at the same picture. Right? It is.

Wait, did he say May? Yeah, so wait. These are all him. He says, I'm now obsessed with you. And then she said, dude, aren't you married? He said, yeah, but it's complicated. Blah, blah, blah. There's one part where he says...

I might need to see it. I don't know. There's one part where he's like, you are so fucking hot. He's like, you are so much fucking hotter in person. He's just like this, this like overwhelmed. Oh my God. Me, my dick is now completely taking over my body.

And I'm telling it's, no, that is, that's your dick talking. And your dick has a very low vocabulary. It can't articulate much. So it's like, yo man,

what'd you think of her? And your dick just goes, fuck. Bro, let me tell you, fuck. But seriously, dude, the office trying to use just a few words. Yeah. let me tell you, fuck. But seriously, dude. Kevin's from the office trying to use just a few words.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's just short and right to the point, but we all kind of do it. We all kind of do it. I told you guys about mine earlier. Just like, just shoot me in the fucking face. Shoot me in the fucking face. I'd rather be dead right now than have to deal with this. And for the record, that's a compliment.

Yes. These are all good things it's like oh my fucking god kill me now because you're that fucking sexy i don't even know what to do with that i i react to nudes and uh like sports highlights the same way yeah like like a big hit like oh shit like that it's like a uh it's like it's like the dunk contest. You see a real good one and you're like, oh! But also, because I know sexting isn't about me. You're just looking for a dopamine hit. You want someone to say you're hot.

You want me to actually say what I would do? I don't know. You want to fucking maybe eat that pussy a little bit? Do you want me to eat that pussy a little bit do you want me to eat that pussy maybe a little bit maybe that push a little bit like there is maybe a little a little munch munch a little there's nothing like almost everything sexual there's nothing i can bring to the situation that will improve it so i'm just gonna say things that let you keep doing your thing. Because that's making you happy. There's a reason why we use the word fantasy, right?

It's like, this is all playing pretend. And then, you know, you're going to get some mediocre dick and maybe a Spider-Man hand for a little bit. But, like, let's build this up. Oh, damn, girl. You make me want to comb over there and fucking twist you up into knots. And then you get there and it's like, I got no knots. You want to do missionary for a little while?

I'm a slip-on sneaker. I got nothing for it. There is nothing. But it still should be flattering. Like, if a guy texted you, Jackie, and was like, fuck! Holy fuck! You're like, that's good, right? That's what you want. That's what you're going for.

You're like, I don't fucking need you here. But it also was a little disheartening thinking now that we're seeing, like, girls post like this, that they're on the other end being like, okay, like, good, you know? Like, did my job or, like, whatever. He likes me. But, you know, they're not on the other end going, fuck. It's like, okay, cool. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had an OMG typed out recently that I had to delete because I was like, I don't think she wanted to send this to a 16-year-old girl. It was just, oh, my God. What is the best response you can get? Jackie. Yeah. Colleen, too. what is the best what is the best response you can get Jackie yeah Colleen too what do you want

like you send a nude or a text or something what would be the ideal like yes I mean honestly just like fuck is like enough

alright then we're good or like saying something hot back. Okay. That's it. Yeah. I don't have that club in my bag, so I'll stick with fog. Thanks.

I don't think that, I don't know. I don't know what else he would even say. I, I think as long as, uh, I think that the over the top, just like my mind is boggled, is probably the best thing.

Yeah, I mean, I don't want to... I am aroused by this text. Instead, it's just like my brain's short-circuiting. My dick is taking over, and I'm just going to be like... What if it was just a voice note of me going... It makes me feel like Billy Addison when he goes... What if it was just a voice note of me going, Ah! Oh! It makes me feel like Billy Addison when he goes, Do!

That's what I feel about your ass. Do! I don't know. This was an eye-opening experience that I learned that exactly how I sext is laughable. I didn't think I was out there killing it. I didn't think I was hitting a fucking home run every time. But I figured that I was doing okay. And I am – I currently – because I'm reading these, I will say I am currently the laughingstock of the internet.

He's like cut and paste. You could find these texts In my phone dude Well there's also a difference Of You know How horny are you When you're sending These messages right Because like

Cause your brain I've sent them Sitting right in this chair Fire off And I've sent them Horny as hell too Right right But when you're horny as hell

You're By that I mean erection When I'm horny as hell I have an erection But when you're horny as hell, I have an erection. But when you're horny as hell and you have your erection, you're firing off shit that you're using words and saying things that you ordinarily would not. Yeah, when I'm sitting here, that's what I'm saying.

The fucks. Right, right. It's almost like a ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You're not really laughing. You're not going, oh, fuck. But I'm letting you know that was really funny. I'm letting you know that was really fucking hot. Right.

I think white boy flirting is the best way to do it. I think we've kind of come around on it. Now, when we did this part, we explained this to Miss Pat, and her and her daughters and her crew explained to us how black people flirt, and it is – It's different. It's different. It's different. It's different, yeah.

But I'll tell you what, I think we could mix it up a little bit. I think... I think we could, like, we could blend those two. Oh, I don't know. I don't want to spoil it, because I don't want to say what they say. It's very funny. I can, just to be record. I am allowed to say what they say.

Right, but we would be... Well, not all of it. We can say what they say as a joke. Yeah. The fact that that to them is what is turning them on, we would be joking. I wouldn't be joking,

but they'd laugh and I'd laugh too. Yeah, but for real though. After the laughing come down, I go, but for real though. You fuck funny guys right? Okay. So Miss Pat's on the show. We gotta go to voicemails. We gotta do Am I the Asshole right?

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What have you got? Like, it's on me. Yeah. That's what happens when the wallet comes out. Yeah, exactly. It's on daddy. It's on daddy. It's on daddy. Ridge wallet. It's on daddy.

That can be used for when I pay for dinner and then when I have to fight the guy who thinks it's the stupidest thing he's ever seen. It's on, daddy. Imagine you're in a fight, and people are hooting and hollering, and people are trying to start a fight, and you just keep going, it's on, daddy. It's on, daddy. I think I'd be afraid.

This guy's a mess around. This guy's a little crazy. This guy responds to sex by yelling at the women. Oh! It's on, daddy! He's like, conferring with his friends. Is he saying daddy?

Is that how he said it? So I don't know if you can get it customized. That would be cool. Like if you could, be like, it's on daddy. But they've also got different, like 30 different colors, also different materials that has the RFID protection so that nobody can steal your identity. Because these guys, these are like laser tag zappers. Like, yoink, zap you, get your credit card.

Yeah, John's gotten got by the laser tag gun. This blocks that. It's also just very sleek. You can push the card up here if you're watching on YouTube. It's like, bam, slide it right in. It's got the money clip rubber band elastic here. And look at that. Bam.

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promo code KFC. Oh, you know what I want to say real quick before? Oh, here's Am I the Asshole? Quick one. Am I the Asshole for giving someone who is a many multi-millionaire and about to become

half a billionaire a home run ball for free. Yeah, what a fucking dickhead that kid is. See, and Pat's not talking about this a little bit earlier. I am going to say this. Wait, how much would it have been? No, no, no. I think Pat said it was 70K was like the starting offer

with what people project. People in the know say like starting negotiations would have been 70K., they probably got $100K for it, something like that. But I will say this, now I'm 33 years old. What's going on here? This is the kid, Aaron Judge Aaron Judge, he called

the ball, he just gave it right back. He said, that's an accomplishment Aaron Judge deserves, here you go. Oh, got it. I think it's very cool. I think it's very stupid. Like, I would love to say that I'd be that dude who'd be like I don't need money for this it's all good bro but it's like it's just like having a lottery ticket and not

cashing it you know there is an element of like if it was like somehow like we're on equal standing which it just never could be because your home run ball wouldn't mean anything but it's like if I was taking away money from you that I knew you needed or it's like this is going to go to auction for some fucking big wig or the fucking Hall of Fame that MLB

is buying. These are like huge corporations, huge entities, big money. You know, we're talking, let's see. Judge is 60. Yeah, it would be worth 100 to,000 to $150,000. His 62nd home run will be a half a million and up. His last home run, wherever he hits, will be a million dollars and up. Mark McGuire's 70th sold for $3 million.

Bonds is passing Aaron, sold for $750,000. Like, these are, I would give you back, like like your first home runners and shit, like whatever. Yeah, that happened recently with Red Sox with Tristan Cassis. The people who like hold it out or even swap it for like – maybe it's because I'm not a memorabilia guy when they're like, we'll give you two signed bats, a signed ball, a game jersey, and some cleats. I'm like, I don't want all this crap. Can you give me like 500 bucks?

I just have to move. It's another bag now. I just don't want that shit. But he got him and his boys, all these fucking gobble-goole Yankee fans, got hooked up with like some bats and balls. But what an idiot. What a fucking idiot. I almost want to grab him like the fucking Billy Madison kind of deal.

Like, don't leave yet. Because I think when I was in college, I was also dumb enough. Yeah, you think you're doing something. I'd be like, dude, you fucked me. You earned this. Right? Like, fucking man, thank you. When I was in college, I was too wrapped up in the beauty of sports and too enamored with it.

I had the rose-colored lenses, whatever you want to say, that I would not have been able to. I remember this happened once in my early, early days at Barstool. I don't know who it happened with Whatever right Maybe No I forget who it was But

I remember like This being Dave's take Like these are fucking idiots Blah blah blah blah blah And that was an adult man At the time I think Right But I was like

I was young And I was like Nah I think I would just Give it back to Poppy I'd be like yo Like Poppy Like here you go man Thank you so much for being you

Like I'm so In my head I'm so inde, yo, Poppy, here you go, man. Thank you so much for being you. I'm so, in my head, I'm so indebted to you for everything you've done for me that I have to give it. Now I'm older now and I think very differently, but it's almost like

I wish I still thought like that. I wish I was still. I hear you. I could maybe, if David Ortiz was on my team and he gave me three world championships, I might.

I actually might. That's a different story. Just like a random dude, Aaron Judge is not not a random dude but he's still just like you know guy on your team is really really good jay david ortiz like transformed the city of boston that what i think i would do now i would have to get money but i would also like i don't want like an autograph and shit i maybe would want like a i was gonna say like but i don't want this either because they don't want to hang out with me. But it would be cool if it would be like

we go to dinner or fucking but it's like I don't want to sit at dinner with a guy who's like what the fuck am I doing here? But I don't if there was some way to trade it for an experience like that, I'd be cool. I would probably maybe ask for tickets. I want season tickets. Yeah, forever. Great seats, forever.

I'm talking about like, yeah, for a 60th ball, we're talking six figures, I want the cash. But if there's other record moments where it's like, you know, what do you want? Yeah, I want tickets all the time.

Because you can just do that. I know you can just swap, press a button. The place doesn't sell out, give me fucking tickets. Right, every time. Paz was telling a story That he saw

I was watching An Astros game A couple months ago And it was this First round picks First home run And some kid caught it Some 13 year old kid caught it

And they just Negotiations went on For like 30 minutes And then The kids start celebrating They came to a deal And it turns out That he just like

Got 8 tickets to one game And got to meet Any player of his choice So he picks Justin Verlander And they're like Wait Not Justin Verlander And it turns out that he just got eight tickets to one game and got to meet any player of his choice. So he picks Justin Verlander. They're like, wait, not Justin Verlander. So then he goes, okay, Jose Altuve. They're like, not Altuve.

I don't know. I think it was Jordan Alvarez. He followed up. How old was he? He was like 14, 15. Okay. So I can get not understanding why there was a note of Verlander. Okay. How about Altuve?

Nope. We'll go second here, guys. Keep going here. Bregman? No. You're not understanding here. You can meet the rookie whose home run ball you just caught. It is, you know, it's a matter, like you said,

it's kind of like, you know, being, having an adult. Also, by the way, as we say all this, if you caught that ball and a couple, like, officials at Yankee Stadium came and were like, give us the ball, you'd be like, okay, here we go. Bro, did you see what you get? You would get so bullied into it so fast. Did you see what just happened today at lunch? No. When we had to get our blue cheese. Yeah.

And so we went to this, like, fucking Fresh and Co. It's like, I don't know Salad bars And all that kind of shit Kevin and I got blue cheese Buffalo chicken sandwiches Which by the way The black woman Working the register goes

Very racist Let's talk about this Is this racist? Two white guys Come up to you A black or Hispanic woman They order Was she black?

I don't remember It was Hispanic? It was The woman who was Working the register itself Yeah Sure there's a little There's a little questionable It was Hispanic? It was. The woman who was working the restaurant itself, sure, there's a little questionable. Right. It was the black woman.

So black woman says, we say, I got a buffalo chicken sandwich. He goes, oh, I like that too. Make that two sandwiches. She goes, yeah, you guys look like buffalo chicken boys. Is that? I mean, black people eat buffalo chicken, right? Like a lot. As I'm saying it it I'm kind of like

I'm thinking to myself Like I You know I'm about as basic White as it gets And I love buffalo Yeah I mean I know

It's a basic I honestly I don't see color bro I just thought It was a basic person Thing to love buffalo chicken Shut up But anyway

So And then we both Wanted blue cheese And they were like Go grab that salad bar So we walk over To the salad bar And we both wanted blue cheese and they were like, go grab that salad bar. So we walk over to the salad bar and we both kind of stood aimlessly for a second. Yeah.

And as I said, I was like, oh, I'm sorry. Were you in line? And I started to walk behind a woman to wait in a full line while people made salads. Yeah. And Kevin just cut the line. I was like, hey, can I just get two – I didn't cut the line. No, no, no, no, no. There was a guy who was cleaning up the fucking thing.

And then there were people making orders. And I was like, I'm just going to go. He's got to get the two. Yeah. So I went to wait in line. You went to just the quicker. And that's why you would probably give the ball back. That's what I'm saying.

You would give that shit back right away. I think if you catch a ball like that, I'd be like, dude, I have to do this. You know what I mean? Yeah. Whoever I talk to, I don't want to do this. I have to do this. It's like in a negotiation.

I fucking... Right. I'd love to give you $10 million. As a matter of fact, I don't have $10 million, so we have to negotiate this. You were saying how you thought, I'm doing it for sport,

for the love of the game. That's the same reason I used to not have a fucking agent. I still really don't have an agent. Because I was always like, I'm just going to do it the right way. We don't have to of the game. That's the same reason I used to not have a fucking agent. I still really don't have an agent. I was always like, I'm just going to do it the right way. We don't have to include the suits. I'll just talk to Dave myself. You know what I did?

I just lost a bunch of fucking money because of that. Get an agent and get the ball and sell the ball. Get an agent, sell the ball. That's my fucking... And if you don't, you're an asshole. It's very hard to... for some people i think some people are naturally like a little more business oriented can have awkward interactions and then be like then it gets resolved and you're like all right we're all good now and those people are just of course it's a little bit awkward but they put

it aside and like this like, this is business. This is Hollywood. This is how it goes, whatever. And then I think like I'm someone who's like, oh, well, like our – whether it's a friendship or a relationship or a coworkership or whatever you want to call it. It's ruined forever now. We've had a couple awkward meetings where we like yelled about money. That's it. You know what I mean?

And it's like it's not really that way. But in my head, it kind of is. I honestly don't even really know where i am on that i i guess i would i didn't really put it to the test i just i walk in they go that's what you get and i go i'll see you later that's what i mean thank you for taking your time i'll do a little less you want to go 10 000 that that still is when I did have an agent, and they asked, what is the minimum you want? What is the lowest you would go?

If your agent asked you that question, he's probably fucking Italian. Do you remember what my answer was? You said like half of what you do now. Half of what I make now. The dumbest fucking person in the world. It was like six years ago. I was like, if they cut my salary in half, I'll be pretty upset. I'll be here.

But I'll see you Monday. You dumb fucking idiot. Except for you guys. You guys can all negotiate that way too. All right, let's do one more M on the Asshole, then voicemails, and we'll get out of here. Okay, do you guys remember the M on the asshole about the taylor swift tickets that the guy would not pay back let me re re i'll rehash that because we did that one on the show there's

an update so this guy and this girl they um they talk for like a little bit like go out on like a date maybe. Nothing serious. But he worked for the stadium. And Taylor Swift was coming to town. So he got the tickets. And secured the tickets for her and whatever. She pays him the money. They end up like not really clicking. They don't, like it doesn't work out. They never up not really clicking. They don't... It doesn't work out.

They never really dated or did anything serious. It was just like, whatever. Fizzled out. But she paid the money. Taylor Swift ends up canceling the tour. Loverfest. Loverfest. Not the tour.

Four different arenas. Four different stadiums. So then it's like they're waiting for when the tickets due, when we finally can use the tickets. Eventually, it's just declared the concert has been canceled, and he won't give the money back. I remember this, yes. So she keeps asking, whatever, nothing.

So this is now a couple years have gone by. She is retelling the story to a new crew of friends. And they're all like, what the fuck? Because I would imagine, I'm pretty sure when we did it, it's like, this guy is definitively the asshole. He just, like, stole, like, $1,500 from this person. Now, he tells Now, she tells all of her friends, they're all like, what the fuck? All of the

friends in the group Venmo request the guy for the money. And make a stink about it. They're kind of messaging him, like, send the fucking money. Which now, he has proceeded to block the girl on every form of communication.

LinkedIn, phone, social media, everything. She was like, I didn't tell them to do that. She sent a message being like, sorry, like that wasn't me. Oh, don't say sorry. Well, so she said like I didn't, you know, it wasn't like I was trying to orchestrate this thing or, like, have all my friends, like, bully you. But I was telling them the story, and everyone

was like, you should pay me back. And so, like, hey, man, do you want to pay me back? And that's when, like, all the blocking happened. I think, I think he... Again, definitively. I actually, no, I'm going to change the subject, not change the subject, change the tides here a little bit I think he's not an asshole for the blocking

I think he's not an asshole for the thing As someone who gets randomly Venmo requested all the goddamn fucking time It sucks And I know it's annoying And so I would probably just block you But he blocked her On like every form of communication

I'm thinking he's blocking the people requesting the money. He's blocking her. He blocked her from everything. Like DMs, texting, LinkedIn, whatever. Were they still in communication? Were they still talking to the thief? He would never reply. But she had his number.

She would DM him. Now she can't do any of that. I think He's definitely the asshole for the step one That's a no brainer The Taylor Swift tickets Are the friends assholes for all Like at this point

Here's my question on all this This is now three years ago right Decent time yeah The How much time and energy Are you putting into chasing A ticket The value of a ticket

Well that's the thing Was it really $1,500 Yeah $1,500 for a ticket No but it was like Several tickets Okay It was like you know

Me and my three friends So you're putting But so How much How much effort Am I individually putting in For let's say $400 Well but she shelled out

All the money Oh okay So it's it's it's it's between like 1500 and two grand like of her money just for her okay and now and now that there's no ticket like i would understand what you're saying because then everybody gets their ticket but it's canceled so now it's just like now you just have two thousand dollars or fifty hundred dollars that i sent you and you're just keeping it and i'm and i'm messaging you being like, hey, man, we now know the concert is not happening. And no response, no response, no response. And then the friends all say like, give me $1,500 for the tickets that you stole, for the money that you stole.

I think everybody is well within their – I'm trying to say well within their whatever to do that. But yeah, well within their rights. But then you run the risk now of like, now you can't contact this guy. Yeah. If he blocks you on everything and just says, and now it's like,

what are you gonna go to fucking the people's court? You're gonna go to small claims court or some shit? Right. I mean that, I think that is what you would do next, but like,

I'm not doing that for, you know, it's gotta be like five grand, you know what I mean? How long until you are like, I'm done? Like, like, like, yeah. got to be like five grand. You know what I mean? How long until you are like, I'm done? Yeah. I think I probably asked twice.

I think I would. Particularly if this is a person who's in my life. Like if I don't know them. If it's me, I'm shaming them publicly because we have the ability to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A random person can't do that. That sucks. Because then I'm like, either I get my money or I get my satisfaction because I made the whole internet be like,

this guy sucks. And then that's cool. Was that worth $2,000 for you? Yeah, right. It wasn't. Right. Like fucking Will Ferrell. You being a fucking cheapskate.

And other guys. Is that the way you thought it was going to? Nope. Didn't think so. Exactly that. You just cost all of your social media clout

for the rest of your life. Right. You have to change everything. Yeah. I mean, he, it was also presented like i know that this is a decent chunk of money so like if you want to like pay me scheduled payments or whatever because all of a sudden if you weren't ready for a two thousand dollar payment because of taylor swift from two years ago like i understand

that but like it's also a low enough sum that it's like, get it together, bro. By now, if you didn't have the money, by now you could have amassed it by saving $10 a fucking week. When I started asking you for my goddamn money. Start making your coffees at home. I love all the avocado sandwiches. I just can't believe there are people like that, though. If this was me, this guy is just willing to walk around and be like i stole that money and this girl and her crew friends all know it and are just fucking clowning me and harassing me and i'm just gonna out of sight out of mind and steal that money that's

crazy to me not even because of the money just because of like the internal like cool factor of like i'm a loser yeah as you're saying this i owe jackie money how'd you say this i'm like fuck i haven't paid jack but it's different if you forget or some shit yeah if you willingly know it what do you owe jackie for fucking her fucking losing uh surviving barstool oh yeah that's right no no we have to pay you i just totally forgot about it you know you drop you said loser and my body went you owe jackie money That's right No no We have to pay you I just totally forgot about it You dropped You said loser And my body went

You owe Jackie money Jackie I'm surprised You haven't been like Lower your voice When you talk to me When you're fucking Thousands in debt bro I got so many messages

Of people being like, uh, you know, echoing what John has always said, being like, Jackie's going to be a boss one day. And it's like, Hey,

Hey, we say that the fans can't start saying that the fans and Jackie cannot start saying that. Just to be clear, we're still the bosses. Okay. All right. Voicemail time. It's brought to you by mugsy jeans by the way

shout out taylor i can't wait is the the four concert tour thing yeah but also just like last night she released like last night she got a little fun on tiktok a little fun get a little loose and uh yeah she announced on it she announced uh one one title track for for midnights not title not title track because that would be midnight or maybe it is the title track for Midnight's. Not title track because that would be Midnight's. Maybe it is the title track because it's the 13th song. Oh, oh, oh.

Who fucking cares? That's a good one. Gotcha, gotcha. You did. Did you see how fast you were going? What, what, what? You're like a puppy.

What is it? What is it? My nose came around. Both of my nose and my hair both swing. Your face gets there and your nose shows up. It's like a cartoon

with a wing back. Yeah, yeah. You got a jacket? Do we have it here or no? Nope. It is sad boy season mixed with mugsy jeans season right now.

The collab is out. The new sad boy season denim jacket. It's stretched denim. It's a vintage wash. It's got the silver shanks. Buttons? Those are buttons.

We call them the buttons. I was going to say, come on. Yeah. I mean, I guess it's not technically a button because it doesn't button, right? Like, a button, I feel like, has a snap to it. I think those are snap buttons. This is just like a fucking... No, that's a button, bro.

I don't think that's a button, dog. Bro, that is a button. Yeah, you're right. I think it's a button. I mean, there might also be something called a shank, but that's a butt. That has a very subtle sad boy stick figure embossed on

it. It's got a tan leather sad boy season branded patch on the back. It's subtle. It's dope. It's a staple that you gotta have for the fall and the spring. Also, it can be like an indoor jacket that you wear as a part of like your fit? Which I posted yesterday on my Instagram.

I was picturing you took at Upfront when we were not on stage. When we were just standing by a bar by ourselves. While everyone else says, why aren't you going on stage? Why aren't you going on stage? Why aren't you going on stage? While advertisers and employees walk by going, what are you guys doing standing? Why aren't you on stage? I don't know, man.

Can you get me a momitas? Yo, Jake Bass came over to me and was like, halfway through the thing, I walked to the back and Fighters was just at the bar by himself, just reaching over, grabbing me. Yeah, we were reaching around the thing, grabbing. Oh, yeah, because they stopped serving so everyone could pay attention to the fucking corporate show. I just went home. I literally said, I'm not having one more person ask me why I went on stage, and I just went home.

Fuck, I was going to say something. But yeah, you were wearing that jacket. You were leading up against the bar. Someone told me, I was talking to someone yesterday, because they were talking about the Dave Portner show, and I didn't know this, that there was like a run-up show in the green room. I didn't see this. Yeah. Did you know there was a comedy section?

Kevin, Kevin, there was a comedy section. Do you hear me? And who? I don't know who presented it. I can look it up real quick. I have to run a show. Because ironically, I was in the show. I know.

Nick was on stage all day long in his fucking rock band. Your little ska band that you're in. Fucking Nick's too busy playing fucking keyboard for the Mean Girl pod. Well, they go on stage at the Outbronze. Halfway through, Frankie goes, wait, what are we playing for you guys? And I'm like, yeah, we're not on. And he's just like, oh. Oh, no.

Fucking God damn it. The fuck was I going to say? It was funny, particularly because there was a comedy section. The run show also was six pages long. It was insane. And it said 62 minutes. And I was like, I go, no fucking chance. 62 and a half. Yeah, it said 62 minutes. And I was like, I go, no fucking chance. 62 and a half. Yeah, it said 62.5.

I go, there's no fucking chance that this show is only an hour and two and a half minutes. And Erica goes, yeah, I know. What do you think, like 70? And I was like, no way it's under an hour and a half. And I think it was exactly an hour and a half. But we had a little damage control situation with it. The day people were explaining why we weren't in the comedy section, our podcast was out with Mark Norman and Sam Murillo on it.

And then that night, our appearance on Burt Kreischer's Something Burning came out. There just wasn't room for you guys in the comedy pod. That's why it's funny. That's why Dave was laughing. He was like, It was so fucking ridiculous That I just had to laugh about it By the way Speaking of that

Real quick too The Something's Burning I hope people are still Going to watch it Something's Burning Is on Burt Kreischer's YouTube channel I don't

Maybe because I've muted The internet And I haven't successfully Achieved my goal I haven't gotten One single negative review And everyone's like You guys fucking crushed it.

I forgot about... Let me finish this real quick. Yeah, get that. Go get the denim jacket right now. It's sad boy season coming up. Seasonal depression is right around the corner. You got to have your jacket. Did you see what that tweet I sent today?

Transitioning from summer to sad boy season. I found a playlist called Sad Bops. Oh, yes. Yeah, you did. I saw it. Unbelievable.. I found a playlist called Sad Bops. Oh, yes. Yeah, you did. I saw it. Unbelievable. It's good. I can't recommend the playlist Sad Bops.

Sad Bops with your. It's just upbeat songs. Like what that TikTok girl I cried to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, fuck it. It's just sick. Get your jacket at Mugsy.com. Get the sad boy jacket.

Put on the bops and enjoy yourself. I forgot. And also they left it in when i asked berg when i asked berg reicher he had sex with a girl who had down syndrome what during something's burning i did that i was like yeah that story we had sex with that girl and he was like no no he was like he was like she story we had sex with that girl. And he was like, no. No. He was like, she's cerebral palsy. Yeah. You're like, yeah, that's what I said. I was kind of like, you know, you know what I meant.

Come on, bro. But, like, I got a text from somebody being like, I love that part where you did that. I was like, holy shit. I did? Well, we also got a text from Nick being like, I must have been out of the room at the time you guys all agreed you'd become Nazis. Yep. No, I know it.

Terrorists. Terrorists. Terrorists. Oh, no. Nazis were thrown in there, too. I don't remember that either. It was like you would have got caught up in it. That was a good speech.

It is just like- Sober, too. Well, we had a couple cocktails, but like- We were sober. I mean, it was two and a half hours. I think we probably had four or five drinks. It got condensed into like an hour and a half, but like, yeah, you guys were pouring stiff, man. Yeah, that's true.

But we were just letting it fly. Yeah, it was. And also, I stand by it. I just like, that wasn't a drunk thing. I just like being parts of groups. And I don't like missing out on stuff. You guys going to do some cool shit? Like, oh, dude, I've been at the Capitol.

I've been fucking everywhere, man. What are you guys doing? We're going to storm the cool shit? Like, oh, dude, I've been at the Capitol. I've been fucking everywhere, man. What are you guys doing? We're going to storm the Capitol. You got beers? Yeah, let's go. Yeah, we got beers and funny hats. Cool. I thought I was going to do an Eagles game.

All right, voicemails. What do we got? If you could be Eiffel Towered by Jesus and Satan, who would you want in the front and who would you want in the back? That's a good question. Oh, boy, oh, boy. I am definitely not sucking Jesus' dick. Oh, I don't know, though, because I think of... I think the devil will, like, face fuck you.

Oh, yeah, bro. So I'm actually... Your mascara going to be running. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's why i think i'm gonna that's the answer i am not letting i'm not getting face fucked i will i will suck your dick you're not face fucking me and jesus can be all like i don't know i feel like jesus would get Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah.

Fuck. I want to get him from Jesus so he can do the ponytail. Imagine Jason. He's always doing that thing with his hand like this, too. He's always got that hand like that. What is that? But yeah, he's just doing that. Puts the hair up.

Guess who's been a good boy today Guess who turned the other cheek Yeah I would I'd suck Jesus' dick probably But also like Man Devil's gonna fuck that ass though Well that's the thing about When a girl gets Eiffel Towered,

it's like at least like half of it is... It's in a good hole. Yeah, right. Assumably, you know. Jackie. I also like... Because if I'm looking at Jesus, like let's call it space,

Jesus is a better bod than the devil. Jesus is ripped. Yeah, Jesus is nice. Jesus has got a fucking hard body. is a better bod than the devil Jesus is ripped yeah Jesus is nice Jesus got a fucking hard body you also gotta think the devil which devil are we talking like Beelzebub

like the devil are we just talking about is he taking the form of like a guy who has like horns and a tail or is he gonna have like hoofs and he's a fucking like monster yeah or we're talking about

that dude Lucifer on ABC. Right. Wednesday nights at 9. I'd suck that dick. They can just rotate, man. They can just have themselves a time. I don't bore. Making Jesus and the devil touch tips some friendly fire over there

imagine that I just explode the universe like what happened fights made Jesus and the devil touch tips that's what was going on in the desert for 40 days I uh That's what was going on in the desert for 40 days I Who So wait Jackie Who would you

Well I think that like Okay Cause the devil isn't thinking about Like you And so he's just gonna like From the back Whatever Jesus would probably have like a more soft touch

The devil's gonna clap them cheeks Jesus will probably like just let you touch. The devil's going to clap them cheeks. Jesus will probably just let you do your thing. Which I imagine is quite difficult during a fucking... It's very hard to suck a dick during an Eiffel Tower. You've got to get in sync. You've got to give and take. Imagine Jesus and the devil's fighting. Dude, fucking slow down.

I'm trying to make love to her pussy. I'm trying to touch her stomach acid how about you hurry up gotta make her squirt blue it's gotta be like uh almost like those like locomotive wheels you know they have those things that kind of go like this yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah your head's going against the grain with the what's going on back there. It's not good. Final answer, devil's going to pound that ass, but, you know, whatever. Yeah, I think so. But, like, the devil would, like, fucking fart in my face while I'm sucking his dick. I think it was funny.

He'd be terrible. Yeah. He'd be terrible. But, like, yeah, you know, it's got to be Jesus for the abs. I'd slip a finger in his butt. he wouldn't know what to do about that am I gay now what the fuck am I going to hell Satan's behind him like come on home buddy

John puts a finger in it and the devil just goes you come with me both you boys are coming with me then I turn up and smirk and turn i turn to the devil i was the whole time the whole time austin next up boys uh first time long time um i got kind of a weird one for you so you know i got a dog he got neutered very young. I often think about what's it like to not come as a dog, which is odd. But what do you guys think the longest a human, I guess a male, has ever gone? Like how old has the oldest person been before they came for the first time? The thing about it is I think you cap it

at like early teens no matter what because of wet dreams. Nope. Because some people don't have those. But most people do. Most? That's not the question. I think... He said the single oldest person. Let's assume the oldest person has never had a wet dream. Because most people don't. I've never had a wet dream.

Okay. Well, so then in order for this to like really happen, it needs to be like you're not, you don't have a wet dream. You want to become a priest or some shit. Like you, you live like a celibate life. Yeah. And, uh, or you're like, you know, injured. You like lose your dick or some shit like that. Or you don't have.

I mean, like, I mean, some people just don't fuck. Right. Like there are people alive right now who are just regular ass people yeah yeah but like not fucking you could just be like

uber religious like you're just waiting for your wife and you never find the wife yeah right I guess but I think those people

still masturbate I don't think the fucking crazy Catholics do dog I don't know why I keep calling you dog But I like it That's what I'm saying dog

It's on daddy It's on and popping But I just think like realistically I think there's been a person I'm going to stake my fucking flag In the ground right now I think A person has died Of old age

Without cumming Without ever cumming No Yup No Yup No Yup

No I guarantee it No fucking way Dude I'm fucking You just get You just get loaded up Dude Huh

You just get loaded up Eventually it comes out Sometimes he'd piss white But he wasn't sure why That guy's coming. There's just no way. Oh, fuck you! That call sucked a fucking devil dick.

That was a terrible call. Fuck off. Suck my dick. That's a bad call. It dick. That's a bad call. The, it is. Did you see Buckethead? That's a ball. It is.

It's a guarantee. There's an absolute guarantee that someone has died over the age of 60 with a full sack of cum. That would be. Imagine you go to the fucking funeral home and they're draining you and everything. They got a fucking bucket of cum. That would be... Imagine you go to the fucking funeral home and they're draining you and everything. They got a fucking bucket of cum. No, and they're coughing. They just cut a hole in the bottom of it

so his nuts could hang out like a grandmother's dog. It's just like, we can't lay him down. This weird setup where he slept between a couch and an automobile. That's great. I'm going to say it's like 15. 15? You are nuts, bro. 20.

I definitely came before I was 15, but if I didn't go to middle school with perverts, I wouldn't have. I would have not come until I fucking learned out what jerking off was later. When did you learn what jerking off was? I don't know what ages are. I just did it in seventh grade. I just did it. It was like the summer going into seventh grade. I didn't know, like, grab your hand and jerk it grade. I just did it in 7th grade. I just did it. It was like the summer going into 7th grade. I didn't know, like, grab your hand, jerk it off.

It just happened. I just did it. It was like, I don't know. I just did it. Like, I was kind of beating it, and then it just spit it out. I was like, oh, that's what it is. That's what it is. I had, like, 8th graders, like, teach me.

I was the cool 6th grader, so 8th graders hung out with me. And they were like, dude, you know what you got to do tonight? I remember I was Tuesday. I was sitting on the back of the bus with the 8th graders because I was a fucking legend. And we were going to – we had skiing. And we were coming home from ski club. And they were like, bro, tonight when you get home, fucking jerk that dick, dude. Then tell us about it.

Then some next ski club, I was like, fellas. Fellas! And Jessica. Jess is back there. I said, fellas, I did it. I think it's broken because nothing came out. I don't think things came out for a while. Really? But it was.

But you were feeling it? Like, ah, ah, ah. I was. I don't really remember. You probably were just. No, I definitely felt it because I knew to stop. I was like, that was, whatever that was, was it? But it was just.

That's like sometimes when chicks are like. And then that's when I thought you had to jerk off with a full bladder. So the next time I jerked off was – You peed on yourself. It didn't pee. I thought that just like having to pee would make it happen. And I peed a little bit. Sure, because I tried to push it out.

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I'm on a diet, and I'm watching this. It's making me want to fucking end myself. Jar. I'm on a diet and I'm watching this it's making me want to fucking end myself jar I'm on a diet KFC called me Fat Francis that shot my ego and I was just wondering what is the worst thing

to watch or see someone eat while you're trying to restrain yourself first of all I don't think he looks like Fat Francis I think that's racist against redheads. Also, that's Fat Jim. It's not fat. No, but Francis is

chiseled. Did you see? There was a guy, Francis' mic was right here blocking his chest and his shirt was very form-fitting and it looked like Francis had on a Vanna White gown. I'm going to see if I can find it. It was very, like, form-fitting, and it looked like Francis had on, like, a Vanna White gown. I'm going to see if I can find it.

It was very funny. I would never be able to answer this question. I don't understand the question, really. I don't. What's the worst thing to, like, have eaten? Whenever I want. Like, if someone's chowing down on a bagel when you're trying to do no carbs it's like

I'll fucking kill you. No no no I get it. I fundamentally understand the question. Oh you just don't like diet so. I think no it's not but like I want I want people to start doing this thing I do and it's whenever you want to do something you just do it. Do it.

It's called anarchy, my friends. Yeah, I know. You want a drink? Yeah. What time is it? It's 10 a.m. Who cares? Have a fucking drink.

I've been doing that with first meal, second meal. You want to have a fucking cheesesteak for breakfast? You want a KFC fucking casserole when you're on a diet? Done. How about you have the fucking KFC casserole? Yeah. Right. Just do it.

Don't fucking hold. Don't prevent yourself. Do I need to look like I'm in a dress?. Right. Just do it. Don't fucking hold. Don't prevent yourself. Do I need to look like my dress? Yeah, you can do that. Are your friends just came in here like Buffalo Bill just in a fucking dress? Do not prevent yourself from having fun. I mean, so the one class I remember from in college was like it was a philosophy class that actually stuck with me. And there is a, you know, there's all these different types of philosophies out there,

these different like styles. I don't know what the word is. And one of them is hedonism where it's like just do what makes you feel good, you know? And every decision you come across in your life, say what's going to bring me the most joy, I'm looking out for myself, that's what I'm going to do. I recommend it. Well, it hasn't made me happy or anything i think there's like a i think there's a um uh you know caveat like as long as it doesn't hurt you or others right yeah yeah yeah but that's what hedonism is i thought that and that's what i do is fucking fucking in the speedo right well i think he

hedonism you know has taken on this feeling, this thing of sex depraved or whatever. But I think it just inherently means focusing on pleasure for yourself, whatever comes of it. Yeah, I am a full-on supporter of hedonism. So I genuinely don't know. It would be up there, the KFC casserole. I feel like I'm on a strict diet. All of the KFC sides and the biscuits and the freshly cooked chicken. And that was so good.

He made that chicken perfect. It was juicy. At first, I thought it was going to be undercooked. Then I was like, what if it's overcooked? It was perfect. It was incredible. I mean, I think we both agree we fucking shit our pants. Butts just exploded.

I mean, if you take all of KFC and put it in your belly, you know it's not going to go well. For every bite is a full menu of KFC. That is unholy, man. It was. It was fucking delicious. To me, it would be like a bagel

when you're not trying to eat carbs. Like a big fat cheesesteak. But like donuts. If people were eating my fucking donuts in front of me. Donut season. Someone's getting the snap, the crunch in front of me. Kill them.

I guess mine would be a beer. If I was like... We just got done skiing or something and I wasn't drinking. I was like, damn, that beer was got done skiing Or something And I wasn't drinking And I was like Damn that beer was good Well You're an alcoholic Alright time for our interview With Miss Pat

It's always a fucking trip And this time was no exception It's Miss Pat on KC Radio Let's talk to her How we doing Miss Pat? Cold as fuck Cold as fuck You'll

It'll warm up in here It'll warm up in here A little bit right? No But it's better to be cold You don't sweat I do one switch oh I hate I sweat so much I hate sweating you probably go to the gym come on you've probably been to the gym more than I have swear to God Actually, I don't need all this shit. They're just a bunch of white boys. They don't know what I look like. Can you explain to me, white boy Chris? What about him?

What's his deal? He on my podcast. Yeah, fuck that. How come it's not us? How come you didn't hire us? Because you two mustache-wearing white boys are in New York. I would fit right in. Hang on.

Just to be clear, I will relocate for a position. Hell yeah. How did he come about? Well, I went into Bob and Tom, and I just did Rogan. And Rogan was like, you need to start a podcast. And I was like, I really don't want to do this podcast shit. Well, I don't know shit about podcasts. He was all into podcasts at the time. So he was working at Bob and Tom.

I was like, hey, come do the podcast with me. And he knew exactly how to set that shit up and get it going. Oh, he's a producer. Yeah, he's a producer. Well, he's on the show, too. But he, yeah. I was listening. He, like, hops on the mic, too.

If a production ability is a part of the process, I'm out. Yeah, we're not good at the technical stuff. We just talk. Well, he don't have to do that anymore, either, because I eventually started hiring people. Yeah. But he really helped me get it off the ground. And I think people really like the diversity. Yeah, it's very funny.

Chris is a little old white boy from Indiana, never really had a black friend. And I think for the first three months, I scared the shit out of him. Yeah, I bet you did. I bet you did.

And he got comfortable over time. And now he be talking all kind of old bullshit. He's like part of the family. That's people's favorite part of our school too is the diversity.

Huh? We have a lot of diversity here too You do? Not really I just left two white men And came over to two more white men And we can find you two more Welcome to the company

I went from two gay ones To two straight ones How was that about you? Have fun? Oh my god I learned so much about being gay I had to pull in my gay daughter They was like

Is she a bottom or top? I'm like, I don't fucking know. They are crazy. No, I just lay down on the bottom. I don't know what lesbians do. You know, they want to know dildo names and birth certificates. Birth certificates? What does that mean?

Yeah, the receipt when the bitch bought it. I don't know. I just know that she says a new dildo out there that'll allow you to squirt your favorite drinks in your mouth. Who said what? Wait, no. Hang on a sec. Who said squirt in the mouth?

They got a dildo. You know, because gay women are really getting technical. They want the real thing. Like, next is going gonna be electric dicks You're gonna be able to plug them up Next thing you know they're just gonna fuck a dude I don't know about that one over there But anyway

So the new dildo that just hit the market It might be old to me I just heard about it You can put your favorite thing in there Whether it's whipped cream or Sprite Oh inside of it and then it'll squirt? Yeah. Like it's a dick that's coming?

Yeah. Oh! I can see it now. I got it now. So she told me I could put Coca-Cola in mine. Yeah. I don't need no fucking Coke. What would you put in?

If I had to put... What hole is it going in? Your mouth, Nick. I mean, man. I mean, like, I'm just... Bro, you tell me, man. I'm just... I'm trying to pick the acidity of the beverage. Well, where you want it at? You prefer... I bet you do.

So you're fucking yourself in the mouth with... Why are you fucking yourself in the mouth with the dildo? Because you wanted to ski. I've always seen that. When I was little, I used to watch lesbian porn. What? When you're like 16-year-old boys, watch lesbian porn. Before you watch real porn, you watch lesbian porn.

Because you're like, it might be gay to watch dicks. How did you even know it was a lesbian porn? Well, not like when you're little, little, but like when you first start watching porn. No, I've never watched porn. Well, not like when you're a little, little, but like when you first start watching porn. No, I've never watched porn. Well, you're different from me. Clearly, when you're like a young boy and you're just. What do you even get porn from at a young boy? The internet.

The internet. Oh, we didn't have the internet. You had to flip through penthouse. Yeah. You and those pages were stuck together from your daddy. I was at the very end and I found my dad's porn. He had magazines and then the internet started. So that's where together from your daddy. I was at the very end and I found my dad's porn. He had magazines and then the internet started.

That's where we got our porn, but you just think like lesbians, more chicks, more boobs. I've never seen this before. You watch that when you're like first going through puberty or whatever. You're like, give me some dick in this porn. But they're all in the lesbian porn, they're always sucking dildos

and as a young boy, I'd be like, nothing's going to come out of that. Why? Why is she joking so much? That does. You look like you like Sprite in the back and all that knockoff Coke in the front. What's that fake Coke name, right? RC Coke.

Yours would be regular Coke? Coca-Cola, would be regular Coke Coca Cola yeah I love Coca Cola I mean but I wouldn't suck a dildo I don't like dildos No you just drink a Coke Yeah But if you had to

It would be that I don't do anything lesbianism Well sucking a dick is not lesbian Well my dicks don't have Coke coming out of them They better not There's a problem They do Just drink out of the dick.

What are you talking about? Like, if you didn't have a cup. First of all, I don't have a fucking deal, dog. I got a fucking husband. I don't need no goddamn toys. I'm not going to no playground. I'm 50. I don't need that type of excitement.

We don't do nothing extra. Fuck, I'm not a kid. My bed is not a goddamn playpen. What age do you think that cutoff is? I don't know. It's according to when you started having sex. I started in the sixth grade, so I'm done.

When did it become no more playground? I ain't never had no dildos and toys and rattlers in my fucking bed. Rattlers. Don't you think maybe you missed out? No, I don't think I missed out. There's a reason why they make these fucking things. Yeah, for you freaking motherfuckers.

I'm a good old Christian. You get down. Get the fuck out of here. You get down. I don't get down like that. Maybe not, but you used to. Come on. No.

Come on. No, I'm with you, Ms. Patton. They didn't even have those type of things when I started having sex in the 80s. At least we couldn't afford them. I didn't know anything about them. Yeah, they are expensive. I'll tell you that much. I've never seen booty bees until I put a tenant out and she left all her booty bees.

That's when I learned that. Her booty beads for you to clean up? Yeah. That's rude. Booty beads literally look like Mardi Gras jewelry. You're hanging them around your neck? Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

I don't do no neck sex shit. I'm a Christian. So right now on the internet, there's white boys flirting is kind of going viral. Somebody posted a screenshot of the DMs explaining how white boys like to flirt. With who? I'm assuming this is a black girl. No, it's with everybody. That was Adam Levine's.

Oh, right. So Adam Levine, the singer of Maroon 5. They're white people music. You know them? Fuck yeah. I know who Adam Levine's. Oh, right. So Adam Levine, the singer of Maroon 5. They're white people music. You know them? Fuck yeah, I know who Adam Maroon is. So his DMs got exposed. What was... Can you send me those ones, Paz?

Did you text those? It was... His DMs. Adam. Adam. It was things like this. Who the boo? Oh, shit.

Wait, this is what Adam Levine said? Yeah, I think so. The booty one is Adam Levine? Okay, because I think it started with Adam Levine and then this one. No, Adam Levine just got in trouble for his side bitch. Yes. So Adam Levine, Adam Maroon, this is the way he flirts. Holy fuck, holy fucking fuck.

That body of yours is absurd. Fuck. So now other people are posting other things white boys are saying, and it's things like this. I may need to see the booty. Fuck. Nobody black is getting that. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?

And that minute, fuck. I thought he had a seizure. But I'll tell you what. That is strictly white boy viral shit. It's gonna go right off our head. Because a black man walk up to you and if it's a joke, hey girl, let me see what that pussy hit like. I know what that means. I don't know what

that means. The funny thing is, this is the thing where I, as I was a white boy reading the internet, I was like, is this not what we're supposed to do? It was a true eye-opening moment. Like, oh, that's not good. And I'm learning now as a 34-year-old, like, oh, that's not good.

And I'm learning now as a 34-year-old man that I don't know how to flirt. What would be funny is if you walked up to my friend Quisho and said, let me see what that nappy grip hit like. I feel like I wouldn't do that. Wait, what did you say? You don't do hair down. You don't do hair down. You don't do hair down? Didn't she tell you? Then all I ask would be, I cut off my ancestors.

See, you didn't even get the joke. Ancestors. Black people, you know. No, I didn't. No, we didn't. We're just treading very lightly because these are things that we get in trouble for. I'm talking about your ancestors. And if I say the word nappy, we're all in trouble, okay?

So stop trying to set traps for me, Pat. Who know white boys are flirting saying that shit? Apparently that's what we do. It's not even flirting. It's just guttural reaction. We just get excited and go, fuck. You're so hot. Fuck.

No. No. But, like, wait. So someone walks up to you in the street And just says I don't even know when they flirt To be honest with you Okay that I can That I can level with

This one I have The signals go right up to his head I have no fucking idea How to How When people are flirting with me Or when they're not

What What was What did you say The pick up line would be Tell me how that pussy hit Yeah tell me how that pussy hit I Yeah, tell me how that pussy hit. I'm going to try that. What the knee is not right.

I'm going to try that next. What's another one? What's up with that mouth game? Yeah. Okay, I'm going to try this out. Shake with your mama game. That one I got. Well, I'm 50.

What's that mouth game? Tell me how that pussy hit. What's the pickup line? Because I don't know. What do that mouth? What's the pick up line? Because I don't know. What do they say? The last time I heard a pick up. That's your catch up? Jackie's in that game.

Jackie's a fin dom. Also, by the way, what do you think happened to Jackie? Look at Jackie's face. I was thinking it when I was playing. Okay. It's two things, Jackie. Either some white man tried to kill you for your insurance money. Or?

Or you had an allergic reaction to collard greens. It does look like an allergic reaction, kind of. Yeah. What happened to you, Jackie? It's a nose job. I got a your jacket? It's a nose job. She got a nose job. That would be a fuck ton of Botox, I feel like. But it's swollen.

I was about to say, you need a refill. It's fresh out. Shit. It's fresh out. I was like, they gave you a nigger nose? I react like that. Quisha got a nigga nose? Quisha got a better nose than you do. Girl, I thought you was, I know y'all buying our lips.

You buying our nose now? Jesus Christ. I was like, this white lady don't bought a nigga nose. Because Quisha got a white woman nose. It's still very swollen. Thank God. I thought y'all about to take our nose game too. You're not helping at all.

Well, neither is you. You need to put on a shirt. My nose job is not done. We're going to get a shirt. We're going to get a shirt for on a shirt. My nose job is not done. We're going to get a shirt. We're going to get a shirt for you that says, my nose job is not done. We're doing that. Paz, put it in the order.

Why are you getting a nose job? What was wrong with your original nose? Well, it actually looked similar to this. How? Was it pointed? Was it long? Was it like a wish nose? It was just like, it was like, it was, I don't know.

It was bumped. It was bigger. Are you Jewish? No, I'm Italian. But it kind of was. That's the kind of nose y'all supposed to have. I know, but I didn't want that. Sometimes you don't want what you got. You know?

What was that show that came on when that man sprayed Windex all the time? My Big Fat Wayne. But you, my Big Fat Wayne, you them people. You're Italian. Yeah, well, not anymore. what was that show that came on when that man sprayed Windex all the time my big fat when you them people you Italian well not anymore so you didn't want the hot nose

well again I'm self conscious talking about it right now it's gonna be hot look at me it's gonna be hot in a little bit I don't know

now your nose look like a baby nut. It look like a little baby scrotum sack sitting at the end. Jackie's going right back to the doctor right from here. Somebody told me it looks like baby nuts. Fix this, doctor. Fix this. Jesus Christ.

It look like a little newborn nut sack. It's so fat on the end. How much longer you got to get? That might be the meanest, rudest thing I've ever heard someone say. Last time Ms. Pat was in here, she said, I look like my race is pink. And she's still been meaner to you now. He was a ginger. He's a ginger.

Well, he pink as fuck. He's gonna come back here and y'all don't let me tell you. Cut off fucking Italian. No more spaghetti for you, bitch. No more linguine-guish for you. Wow, why you do that? Stop looking at it.

You should have told him about it. Did you have a chart to pick from? No. Yeah, that's the thing. I didn't do that. I didn't send a name. So when they give you a chart, do they ever have black nose up there that you can see? No.

She started to give the doctor ideas for what she wants her nose to be. So let me ask you something. So I'm doing my house from TikTok. Did you get your nose from TikTok? Because I get everything from TikTok. Did you say, this is what I want my nose because I buy the doors and shit I see off of TikTok. Did you take your nose job in from someone? No.

Again, he just said, I'm going to look at you and I'm going to just decide what is best for you. The doctor was like, you don't tell me how to do it, I tell you how to do it. I know you would tell you, but I think they done gave you a negro nose. Oh, baby nut nose Jackie. I can't see a nose. Baby nuts might be the new name. At least Bean Girl's done, now you can be baby nuts. Baby nuts nickels.

So when they do you know they black your eye too yeah cause they break that shit cause they break it cause you know when I was thinking I said maybe she had rough sex

and he cut her up under the eye I didn't want to say that because I didn't know how she would take it but I'm glad to know you wasn't being killed for your insurance money

could've been worse could've money. Could have been worse. Could have been worse, Jackie. Could have been worse. You're right. Tell me about season two. Season two is now streaming on BET Plus and Amazon. If you like season one, you're going to fucking love season two. It is off the chain.

Is this going to, like how many seasons are you expecting? I'm expecting five or six. But I have three in the box that's going to come out the top of the year. And we're waiting to see if they're going to bring us back for four. You're done with three? We're done with three. Oh, shit. So you can put your feet up for a little while and kind of relax.

Yeah. How many episodes per season? Ten. Ten, yeah. Yeah, we did season two and three back to back. That was rough. I bet. How long did that take?

Probably about eight months. Just to back. That was rough. I bet. How long did that take? Probably about eight months. Just nonstop? It was nonstop. Well, COVID stopped us a couple times. And how's the podcast? You said you didn't want to start it. Do you like it now? I fucking love the podcast.

And I do the podcast not for me. I do it for the people that tunes in every Tuesday to the Pat Down. So, you know, they won't let me quit. Sometimes I'm tired and they be like, where the episode at? So I have to make sure no matter what I do, I get that fucking episode in. It's crazy how much people, like, rely on a show. Yeah, they love it. That's why I was telling you to give me some of this whiskey because I'm doing a Crack Baby party in Atlanta, Georgia.

I'm doing a party for all of my, for 450 of my fans. Really? Really. Yes, yes. You want to bring some Whistlepig whiskey with you? Is it good? Yeah., for 450 of my fans. Really? Really. Yes, yes. You want to bring some Whistlepig whiskey with you? Is it good? Yeah. It's top of the line. Just give me a case of it. You got it.

We will send it to you. No, you ain't got to send me shit. Give it to me. I told her about it. Alright. We can take it with you. I think we actually probably do have a case of wine around. Yeah. One, two, three, four, five. Yeah. Bottles, six, seven. Yeah, we got you. Yeah, and I I make sure I post it for the party too I would love that

Yeah Thank you so much Did y'all make that whiskey? We are like partner with them Oh shit, okay And we're getting our own bottle coming out We may or may not have made our own barrels too Oh really?

Potentially Well, I'm gonna make sure I give you a shout out from the party Because I have all type of people coming They will fucking love it I would love that Thank you so much will fucking love it I would love that thank you so much we would be forever near we're also in your debt

because of we had to get we got BET Plus to watch season one of Miss Pat when the first time you came in and then a few months later

we were interviewing Nelly and Kevin Hart and they were promoting Real House Husbands and they were like nah fuck you guys you don't even have BET so it doesn't matter

and we both were like guess the fuck what you guys. You don't even have BET, so it doesn't matter. And we both were like, guess the fucking what? We got BET right here. We do have BET. Did you tell them it was because of me? Yeah, we did say it straight up. We were like,

because of you, because of Ms. Pat. Well, great. And keep on paying for it. And keep a bitch in a job. All right, we're going to go next door. She need more no jobs.

I'm paying for that shit. We're going to go next door. Because she need more no jobs. I'm paying for that shit. We're going to go next door and do that video where you answer the internet, all right? You know they love that video by that time, my brother. He ended up getting out. He got out? Yeah, he got out. Fuck yeah. Yeah, he got out.

He did. Did you show him that? Has he seen that? No, he don't got the internet. He still got lab monitors on. He did get out. And I wish for it. And I wish for it here. He said, one thing you could do to get your

wish for, what would it be? I say, give my brother out of jail. Oh, fuck that shit. We need hair, don't we, Chris? Alright, so season two is out now. Out now. And the Pat Down every Tuesday every Tuesday make sure you

and I will be here in New York the comedy festival week in November oh great yeah so come on out and see me I'll be at Caroline's

hell yeah Miss Pat it's always a pleasure thank you and go to misspatcomedy.com សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.