KFC Radio - Akaash Singh Says Pete Davidson is “The Michael Jordan of Pulling B***ches” Ft. Ali Macofsky

Episode Date: November 15, 2022

Akaash Singh joins us for the full episode to talk about Pete Davidson and Emily Ratajkowski dating, Larsa Pippen is dating Michael Jordan's son, the rude British guy front row at Akaash's show, and much much more +++++++++++++++ WhistlePig: Buy our Whistlepig KFC Radio PiggyBack 100% Rye Whiskey at https://barstool.link/KFCWP Bearbottom Clothing: Go to https://barstool.link/Bearbottomkfc to get free shipping on your first purchase. Allbirds: Discover your perfect pair at https://barstool.link/AllbirdsBSS Blue Nile: Go to https://barstool.link/BlueNile and use code KEVIN to save $50 on your purchase of $500 or moreYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. But, now I'm really glad this bitch is dead. Like, I'm so happy. Are you ready for this? It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Today we got Aakash Singh. You know him from Flagrant 2. He's been on our show a bunch of times, Answer the Internet.

One of the funniest guys on the planet. He will be at Caroline's this weekend right after us. We just wrapped up our West Coast Swing but our postponed New York show is on Wednesday night. If you're in New York, it's our last show of the year. We want to go out with a big fucking bang. Please come out. If you're in the New York area, if you're in Jersey,

if you're on Long Island, you're in Connecticut, come out. It's going to be a good time. Honestly, I'll shoot you straight. The live show has gotten exponentially better after the West Coast swing. So now I think we really are hitting our stride. If we hadn't postponed it, the show would have been fine. It'll be worth the postponement. It is.

Yeah, we're sorry about postponing it, but also you weren't going to come because the Yankees are playing the ALCS game. Game one, we will be getting drinks with everyone afterwards. We're doing live meet and greet all fucking... It'll be a whole night, man. A whole goddamn thing. No, actually, the regular tickets are all available for that, too.

It doesn't matter. I think there are VIP tickets. You don't need that. Get regular fucking tickets. Come hang out with us afterwards. Get drunk. Let's go. And then after us, Akash will be there Thursday through Sunday. His act is out. And his crowd work, too. I don't know what's better. His his actor's crowd work which is the highest compliment i think you can pay someone so it's a full weekend a full week of uh shows at caroline's go get both tickets and uh let's get into it with akash how you doing man i'm good man i'm good how are you guys we're

good we just got back from uh a west coast swing yeah yeah i don't know how the fuck you guys are we good over there yeah i i mean i've always respected what you guys did but we did uh denver phoenix la yeah and i am like bro i need a vacation man i mean granted we did three different cities in like three different days so it was a lot but like but that's you know three cities three days is still rough it doesn't matter But it's still pretty standard for you guys. I mean, the thought of, if that was just like, all right, it's Thursday, we run it back again, run it back again. We were at the airport yesterday like, oh, now the week starts now? How's it going to work?

Every city in America and you don't see anything. Right, right, right. Every city looks the same because you see the comedy club and the hotel and that's about it. I think Saturday night we did Wisconsin. It was great. We sold out the shows. It was cool. Then after the Saturday

and the late show it was over like midnight. You do meet and greet. I have to watch Izzy fight because that's our guy. So I get... What a fucking shock that was. Yeah, I mean,

we talked to him yesterday and he's handling it in such an inspiring way. But anyway, I'm sadder than him after he loses. I can't sleep till 3 I gotta wake up at 6

for a flight then yesterday I did 2 pods and a show at 11 and so I got home at like 1 I was just wiped dude it was funny

we went to Denver we stayed in this beautiful hotel where they do conferences and shit so it's like huge ceilings and marble this and that

and then we'd go to Phoenix and Phoenix was just like a regular hotel and we got all bougie real quick we were like ugh yeah yeah yeah get bougie on the hotel but then we'd go to phoenix and phoenix was just like a regular hotel and we we got all bougie real quick we were like oh yeah yeah yeah get bougie on the hotel but so then but then we go to la and it was like oh all right now now we got back because now we're going to we went to this like in a fancy hotel in west hollywood that's like kind of like hipster and cool and nice yeah oh this one's gonna be dope music blasting till like 2 a.m now fuck i want to go

back to that shit all the I'm on my sleep dude guys you need to be around old money even if you're not old money you just need to spend like them it's quiet it's nice they complain all the time so everything's on point if you can dude find a hotel hookup or something

it's the best I mean genuinely though if I was on the road like all the time it would be worth the money for me to be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you guys end up losing your voice? Like, we ran into a real issue with losing our voices. I have a bit of an issue.

There's just a couple jokes where I scream. By the way, you guys need to come through the shows this weekend. Yeah, I'd love to. Yes, absolutely. But there's one joke where I scream, like, you know, fuck or whatever. And then if I do it a few times, my voice is so weak, it'll get a little bit worse. See, that's the problem. You guys are funny

actually funny no no no so you can just deliver jokes with your normal voice we yell to compensate so we're always just like fuck you Feidelberg

and I'm doing it all show long I'm like I can't talk yeah I know you'll get that's just you guys not realizing how much people love you

and how funny you are because you get insecure when it's right there all of us big time dude I'm still a little bit I used to be real bad if an audience didn't laugh I would like cuss Big time, dude. I'm still a little bit, I used to be real bad if an audience didn't laugh,

I would like cuss more and talk faster. I still have that a little bit, but like as you get more comfortable and just like, oh, I'm funny and I'm good at this and these people like me

and I love them and like we're here, it'll be okay. I don't have to over try. That's gotta be a very like moment of zen when you, it's one thing to say it, it's another thing to like

really believe in it. Yes. It's not a moment, I mean I'm still, I'm still a real pussy about it. I write notes to myself before shows. All that shit helps. All of it helps for me to just remind myself, hey, I'm okay. And then Andrew told me a thing.

I don't know if he still needs to say it, but he used to say, I'm good enough. These people don't decide if I'm good enough. I already am. You'd say that before we walked on stage. So that's something I remember, and I'll still tell myself that. that's a nice thing if you believe it yeah I don't believe it I can tell it to myself shut the fuck up you gotta talk yourself into it dude confidence breeds success I know I'm a good liar so I can't lie to myself but I we did a few shows prior to this little batch we did a few shows and we didn't really do meet and greets. We were kind of like, you know, it takes so long.

Meet and greet is the most tiring part. Yeah, it is, right? And we were like, maybe we should be getting paid for it and all this shit. And then we did for this one, we just said, fuck it, we're doing it. Yeah. And while it was tiring, it's a fucking heavy dose of confidence and a good reinforcement when everyone's like, yo, that was awesome. You are the best.

We love you. I'm like, keep going, keep going, keep going. So I'm keep going keep going all right maybe we gotta hear that a little more often no i love saying actually the last show i did they charged for the meet and greet but i didn't know you had to have vip tickets to get you've had that happen to us before which i felt bad about yeah that's also especially barstool it's like the whole thing for the two decades now is like by the common man and you have access to us and we're just like you. And now all of a sudden it's like pay to talk to me. It is hard.

I saw Joe Coy at Madison Square, which is fucking, I mean, crazy. But think about you can't do a meet and greet for 20,000 people. So you have to. If I'm going to meet anybody, okay, fine. I guess y'all can pay. I realize at a certain level, I'm not there yet, but at a certain level it is. All right, you get the VIP thing, then we'll do the meet and greet. But I can't meet thousands of people at a time.

Right. I mean, we probably did, like, L.A. was like 250, I think. But I think, like, all 250 stayed. Yeah. They got on a line, and they waited. I started to feel bad. I was like, can we put some music on? Can we, like, make it a little bit of a scene?

Because they were just waiting. And I was like, you know, if we did any more than this, I think we'd have to say I don't know if y'all are aware of this, but I grew up listening to a sports station in Dallas called The Ticket I still listen to it and I have such a bond with, because it's like sports and guy talk kind of like y'all, and I have such a bond with those guys and somebody said it to me, I don't remember who

they said, people don't understand the relationship you form with fans in a podcast or radio because you are talking non-stop inside of their ears for hours a day it is as close to being in someone's brain as you can get in entertainment so the bond they form with you guys is like y'all don't know me but i fucking know you yeah i've seen you go through shit feidelberg you need confidence i love you feidelberg i'm gonna tell feidelberg if i see him how great he is.

You've been talking to them for years. They've never gotten to talk to you, and now they finally can. It is also, too. It is in every book. I'm thinking of radio and podcasting, too. It's in every part of your life. It's when you're driving your car. It's when you're working out.

It's when you're walking the dog. When you're cooking dinner. I'm in the shower every day. The shower, yeah. You're everywhere. It's wild. You ever bug out about that? Once flagrant really popped or you ever think

because people ask me this all the time and I still actually don't I think it's why I can still let it rip I just think I'm in the room I just got the microphone I don't think about like hundreds of thousands

of people listening I get rid of it in my head about it sometimes that's one of those times to write a note to yourself afterwards I'll be like oh my god we gotta cut this

and that and that because I shouldn't have said that because I've that oh yeah I am keenly aware to a fault I'm less aware on stage on stage

you don't have time really it's just you and the audience and you're in this thing podcasting somebody else is talking or you're talking you know what I mean

somebody there's time for you to just be like oh fuck and I'm still not as good as I'd like to be at being like dude who cares

let it rip don't think that's a bit of a process, I think. I mean, you should be at this point. Like, you fucking pop, dude. Yeah, thank you. Every time we've talked, I've explained it. I think you're hilarious.

Thank you. You're even great. You're one of the best in the game. But yeah, I mean, that feeling once you get there, I think, is when you really, there's that next, next level. Yeah, I feel like. Sometimes I think it's got to be strange when you're doing like arenas. It's like.

Yeah. You can't not. If you were to do an arena, you would finally – you'd be stupid if you didn't think you were good. You know what I mean? Like if 20,000 people come out, you're like it's fully proven 100%. But that moment should – depending on what kind of person you are, that moment should have come long before an arena. Yeah, you kind of need that moment to get to it. If you get to an arena and you haven't had that moment yet, I don't think an arena is going to do it.

It's got to be a million people. A thousand bottles, bro. One, zero, zero, zero. What else? What is a thousand? Point zero, zero. No, that's a thousand dollars. What?

Nothing. A thousand bottles. A thousand bottles. 1,000 bottles of whiskey sold in 24 hours? I don't even know where we're at now. That probably means we're... I bet now we're up to 100 cases. You get 12 bottles per case. That means how many bottles do we have to sell to get 100 cases?

No. 1,200. Yeah! My man's not so dumb after all. Especially because he was half of the man who created he's one half of the duo that created the spicy smoky single barrel kfc radio 10 year anniversary whistle pig rye it is our crowning achievement and watching it's the coolest thing yeah it was hands down it was cool to create it and honestly if we created like just a bottle

that was friends and family and got like just as gifts, it would be cool to see people buying it, like a lot of people buying it. Because, you know, I mean, you never know how it's going to fly. People usually just pick up their bottle of liquor on the internet or at the local store and not on the internet. You guys went right to WhistlePigWhiskey.com and bought our commemorative bottle flying off the shelves. And that is, I think, 10 years of trust and hard work on the podcast and getting to know our audience and them repaying us. And if it's not on sale at your local liquor store,

ask them. They can talk to their fucking retailer or whatever you call them. And if you are in a state, like in the very beginning, I think Massachusetts and New York didn't allow distribution. But that is that's just like a logistical thing that's getting done as we speak.

So you can keep checking back on the Internet to buy your bottle or keep checking your local liquor store. But it's smoky and it's spicy. And if you can get any sort of quality maple syrup, you can make yourself a maple old fashioned. You can drink it straight shots,, rocks, however you want it. It's got the two things that are the most important when you're drinking rye. It's got a little bit of smoky taste to it. It's got a little bit of bite to it with that spice. And so go get it, man.

It's a very cool bottle. It was a cool bottle to begin with, and then they threw the KFC radio and Moon Man and Sad Boy logo on it with the official commemorative sticker on it. Go get it and drink it. We don't want any of this like, I bought it and I don't open it. You can keep the bottle. You can make it your jar.

Put your money in. But drink it because we want you to taste it and enjoy it. So go get that Whistlepig. You can buy it now. Click the link beneath in our YouTube or go to Whistlepig Whiskey and find. Buy it. Honestly, buy it. And then also send me your honest opinions because I guarantee you it's fucking delicious.

Oh, and it's a great gift for like whether you're doing Office Christmas Santa. What's it called? Office Secret Santa. It's like, what do you get? You just get a bottle of liquor. But in this case, it's a commemorative bottle. You want to buy it for your dad, your brother, any of the men in your life, any of the girls who drink whiskey, anybody who's a fan.

It's a great gift. You know what I bet? I bet you at least one, there will be at least one instance where two people buy a case. Each other. Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, here's yours, here's yours. And then you two get married.

Doesn't matter what sexes you are or your sexual orientation. It could be related. You two get married. Yeah. Fuck it. Yo, we just heard confirmation. Larsa Pippen. What is it?

Larsa Pippen is now dating Michael Jordan. Jordan Jr. What a fucking hero this man is. What a mind fuck though, right? I'm so done with LeBron being the GOAT. I'm over it. It's over. I'm fucking done with it. I'm watching this guy piss his career away in L.A. And I love LeBron. the goat. I'm over it. It's over. I'm fucking done with it. Watching this guy piss his career away in LA.

And I love LeBron, but he's not. Dude, this is the fucking. Not given his ex-wife. He's dating Michael Jordan's son. What? Think about being so great that this is the only way your son can make you love him. That's who Michael Jordan is. He tried the ball

and it didn't work and he tried did he play like UCF or something like that I think so he played like you know did what he could

and then he did some shit with Nike and he's like alright I'll go fuck little skype that's right will that be it dad will you finally love me dad

there's a story of Michael Jordan like just thinking he's a good father where he tells his son when he goes to college you have one week if I don't hear from you

from one week I'm on a plane I'm coming to your college. Which is such a bullshit. Your son, Michael Jordan Jr., is never going to go one week without texting his dad. And I would love to see him not text for a week and MJ be like, I don't give a fuck. I didn't even have your number,

dude. Who is this? Yeah, that's some bullshit, man. I've never heard that one. So she's 48, he's 31. Marcus Jordan, Jesus Christ, that's some bullshit, man. I've never heard that one. So she's 48, he's 31. Marcus Jordan, Jesus Christ, that's fucking hilarious. Dude, how many people... Larsa's fucked everybody. Yeah.

I think she... Do you think she targeted him? I think so. I think Larsa Pippen is on some... She's got a board at home with red X's. Like, fuck this guy, fuck that. I can't remember who, but the last one was...

Bro, you can probably trace this back to she was fucking grooming him when he was like 12. Yeah. I don't know how long she was... Maybe. I don't know how long she was married to Pippen for,

but I can see her at like the 96 finals being like hanging out with MJ. Like, ooh, you can be so strong when you grow up. She's got a thing, though. She got like, whatever Kris Kardashian has, she has like a much shittier version.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the bootleg version. Yes, yes. Yeah, she's got a thing though She's got like Whatever Kris Kardashian has She has like a much Shittier version of it Yeah It's the bootleg version Yes Yeah she She's got numbers man And they're all like Everybody's a little

A little famous And like She's always What was the last one Where she like Clowned somebody Like in public Didn't she like

Dump somebody Yeah Left his wife Who I think was pregnant At the time For Larsa Then Larsa dumped him really I mean that is some like diabolical yeah yeah yeah that's not like uh oh she's the evil Larsa

Pippen wasn't like oh my god this is such bad timing I'm sorry that you did that yeah yeah my feelings have changed that shit was like yeah she looked at this guy and was like he seems a little weak I could get him I'll break I'll be in the headlines. Oh, she's smart, dude. She's like a reverse Pete Davidson, but like a bad, like the evil version. I don't know if this was a joke text or if somebody said Pete is fucking Ratajkowski. Yep. That's like fact. I mean, I love this kid.

He's the MJ of fucking bitches. He is, dude. He really is. Oh, my God. It doesn't stop it actually gets to a point where it's like it's crazy to me

I get that there are other guys in Hollywood who have done it where it's like you know Leo's fucked a lot of hot chicks but Leo hasn't fucked the level of fame

at some point like he's fucking A-listers and at some point if I was an A-lister I'm like I'm not getting

five A-listers second hands Leo's at least like Victoria's Secret models who we haven't really heard of Leo got to the A-list, I'm like, I'm not getting five A-listers second hands. Leo is at least like Victoria's Secret models who we haven't really heard of. Leo got to the A-list and then fucked a bunch of hot girls we'll never really know about. Exactly. I've heard Margot Robbie, all these things you hear. I don't know what's true.

Mostly it's just no name like 19-year-old girls. And he just does it on the low. Pete was not on the A. Pete wasn't in motherfucking Titanic. He was a role player on SNL. A show they didn't really care about anymore. And then he went

from there to the A-list just off of bitches. Do you think though, do you think it started when Ariana Grande dropped that nine inch comment? I mean, he already had Ariana Grande

so he was doing work, but. We had heard Pete had a big dick for a while. I don't know if that's, I don't know how that makes me look.

But I was like, I didn't know Pete had a huge dick. Because I knew another girl that he used to date. And then, you know, she was a comic and we were cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then we just, it was a thing that we would joke about. I mean, this kid, he was young, too. He's still young. He's a pop, man.

He was like 21 when he first started dating one of them. Yeah. Jesus Christ. He was like 18. I met him when he was like 21 when he first started dating one of them. Yeah. Jesus Christ. He was like 18. I met him when he was like 16, 15. And he's always had the whole world by the balls with his mentality. He don't give a fuck. He does whatever he wants to do.

That's why it works. Yeah. That is why it works. But it was just funny. This like 18-year-old kid who's like about to be on SNL apparently has a huge dick. And then he just fulfilled all the jokes that you made. Like, hey, this kid is unstoppable. This kid is whatever.

He's going to fuck everybody in that huge dick. And then he did it. He did it. He's actually the LeBron. he just fulfilled all the jokes that you made like hey this kid is unstoppable this kid is whatever he's gonna fuck everybody in that huge dick and then he did it he's actually he's the prince that was promised he's the LeBron

of fucking bitches for us cause we saw it we was like this young kid right before our eyes 14 years old I think I heard about Pete

yeah like when LeBron was on the cover of SNL yes that's Pete for fucking bitches yeah he did it

this guy fucking did it, dude. This guy fucking did it. And, like, I thought it would slow down, I guess, eventually. Like, he's getting better. Like, Emily Ratajkowski is arguably, like, the top on that list. Yo, she followed up Kim Kardashian. Ah, that's crazy. 333 million followers, bro.

Yo, I'll tell you what. That was weird. If you take Pete, man, you're, like, you're going to lose the breakup. Yeah the breakup yeah if you're one of those ones i want to win the breakup it's like uh you're not gonna top him i don't care who you went on to what guy you're banging pete's gonna beat you i want to revisit that in a second but the uh what i was just gonna say was fuck wasn't oh we had not we had a comic one a comic whose name i escaped me you ended up interviewing him solo um uh he said he didn't want to talk about pete he was like pete told your mate chris de stefano let's cut it it was derrick gains we heard derrick gains came in and he was like he told our our people like i will not talk about pete and uh i

was interviewing him solo and it was right when pete was i think going to space or some shit so right off the top i was like yo your boy's going oh no it was like right after something with kim so it was a very salacious gossipy question. I was like, what's up with your boy dumping Kim or whatever it was. And the look in his eyes, he was ready to fucking break my neck. He was like, all right, I'm fucking out of here. I was like, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking. But yes.

But he was on a podcast here probably two years ago where he was explaining that when he was Pete's roommate, Pete would just get logged on to TMZ and find out which rapper was about to break up with his girlfriend and then Pete would like go after that girl and like and like that that was how he like and again that was him so he said I don't know why I looked it was like I just saw like a clip of like a like a clip that they put out I saw that it was on fucking two bigs. It was on Willie and Brandon's podcast. And it was like, I was like, whoa, that's fucking genius. Because not only is it dope, someone's looking for a rebound, it's also such

a good way to get your name out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, fucking Travis Scott's ex-girlfriend's dating a comedian? He's got it like that? And then next thing you know, it's like, oh, Lil Wayne's ex-girlfriend's doing this? I forget what three rappers he did it with, but he did it with three rappers, I think he said. He is like...

He's a fucking smart kid. It's funny just because, I mean, I guess, I don't know him personally. Maybe you do a little bit, but it seems like he would be the opposite. He'd be like, I want to just be chill and low-key. He's too smart. I think part of his genius is he is mostly pretty laid-back guy and then he portrays that he maximizes that on the outside kind of like chris rock when he gets on stage picks up the hat yeah he pete just kind of picks up the you know i'm chilling and he's a lot like

that from what i hear and he and i aren't super close so this could be wrong but i think he's also like a fucking smart guy and he's like all, here's a good way to have sex with the hottest girl and get something out of it. What do you think? The rest of us are like, oh, my God, I have sex with this girl? Yeah, that's all I need. She can keep me in her closet. Just drag me back by a leash, put me in the closet afterwards, don't tell anyone. I promise, I'll keep you in the fucking seat, I won't tell anyone.

He's like, no, the world's going to know. Most people do the thing, comedy, sports, whatever, to get girls like this. Yes. Pete's like, I'm getting girls like this, and I'm going to make them make me. You know what I mean? It's like, what? Kate is brilliant. He's truly a smart person. What do you think the dates are like?

He sits down with Emily, and she's like, so how are you? What have you been up to? It's like, I've been up to fucking Kim. Dude, I bet Emily's like, what's Kim's pussy like? Dude, like, what are you doing? Bro, like, if I. You know they're all trying to, like, I got to make sure I one-up Kim. If I sat down at dinner with someone who fucked Tom, I'd be like, tell me all about his dick.

They'd be like, really? That's all I want to talk about is to describe. Tom and Emily should have happened. Yeah. That should have been the thing. That's the one, yeah. How old is she? She's got to be. Because she's been Tom and Emily should have happened. Yeah. That should have been the thing. That's the one. How old is she? She's got to be.

Because she's been around for a little while now. I guess late 20s. She was mad young when she started. Yeah. She's been around for a minute. That Blurred Lines video was like. 31. 31?

Okay. That Blurred Lines video was wild where fucking Robin Thicke was just like, everybody get naked. We're all doing this shit naked. Everyone get naked. I'm listening about gray areas and sex. That was crazy. That was wild, dude. I didn't understand. As long as it the shit naked. Everyone get naked. I'm going to sing about gray areas and sex. That was crazy. That was wild, dude.

I didn't understand. The song goes, though. I didn't really think about it. I never really liked the song. No? I never liked

Robin Thicke. I just thought I didn't understand how Paula Patton was so hot. How did that work? Yeah, well. I just didn't like him

from then on. I was just jealous, frankly. Dude, by the way, what I said I wanted to revisit was Waiting to Break Up. So, by the way, what I said I wanted to revisit was waiting the breakup. So Giselle's new guy is an MMA instructor, which is the only way you can... Also, what did I hear?

She's doing some football shit? I don't know about that. Was that true or was that some onion shit? I heard she was getting involved with, I don't know, laundry, football or whatever. That's the equivalent of dating Michael Jordan's son. You can't do that shit. But the only way you can follow up Tom Brady is if you date an instructor.

He can kick your ass. He's never going to be you, but he can kick the shit out of you. She's being so vindictive and spiteful about this. The guy wanted to play football for one more year. And I'll say this in Tom Brady's defense, he always said, I want to play until I'm 45. Yeah, he's 45. He retired at 44, and then he was like, you know what, I'm going to in Tom Brady's defense. He always said, I want to play until I'm 45. Yeah, he's 45.

He retired at 44, and then he was like, you know what? I'm going to give it one more year. Like if it's 49, 50, we're still playing this game, then you've got a case to make. Yeah, this was the plan the whole time. Exactly. Well, that also makes me think, though, that he did say that, but maybe behind closed doors starting at like 37. He was like, this year's the last year.

Well, who doesn't do that? This year's the last year. This year's the last year. Well, who doesn't do that with their significant other? This year's the last year. One more. Like Brandon Vine is with video games and not Super Bowls. Mine is every weekend on the road. I was like, I'm cutting back, and I did not at all. Never.

That's the dance we do, you know? And I guess eventually you can't do that dance when she's a bajillionaire herself. Yes. That's the problem. The out is, hey, I want to, and I do. I do it for us. I hope. I want to stay with this woman forever.

So I want to build a bank account, have kids. But if you're Giselle, it's like, motherfucker, I'll take care of that. We're good. We're home. What are you talking about? Especially if knowing. She's just mad he's always been playing for a million dollars a year. I know.

That's what it is. Well, and that's why. If you're going to do it, do it for 25, 30. Do it for aaron rogers money 50 that dude sucks he knows he's got 375 million waiting went for that fucking tv deal yeah yeah so it's like why don't you quit your football game get a raise going to fox after that ftx thing bro oh yo we were saying like i mean i'm sure every everybody signs something that says like I have no liability here

but I would imagine you take a hit as far as like Your spokesman fucking yeah worthiness, you know, thank fucking god. We never do that for them You're gonna listen to us we were like, you know go to FTX. us. We were like, you know, go to FTX. Yo, we were like, yo, go to FTX, bro. We were like, yo, put your life savings in FTX, dog. No, okay, here's the thing. We were probably more pushy than Brady West. These are an important sponsor.

Dude, empty the 401k. Fuck a student loan, dude. FTX is the move, bro. They just got the sponsorship of the Miami Heat. There's no way this fails, dog. You're right. But we're done.

When Tom Brady and Gisele Who I actually think They're known for three things Like modeling, football And people talk about how smart they are business wise So when they say something about your money And your crypto People actually listen

If you listen to us about your money You deserve to lose it all We are absolutely the worst business men Don't listen to us. But fucking... Except unless you're in the market for an apartment in Noonan, Georgia. In which case... Wait, is that an honest offer or are they... Yeah, $10 million.

Get the fuck out of here. Bang Bros is trying to get the new stadium now that FTX is done. Yeah, that's... Bang Bros Arena. $10 million is not too off. Well, actually, I guess for the Heat Arena. I just remember we made an offer. I don't even know if it's public. I don't know if I can say this. Yeah, million is not too off. Well, actually, I guess for the Heat Arena. I just remember we made an offer. I don't even know if this is public.

I don't know if I can say this. Yeah, it's a Bills stadium, right? For the Bills. And it was like, I forget the right. It's shockingly cheap. Really? But also, the Bills Stadium was, it's so cheap. I think the two we were making offers for was the, not the Metrodome fucking new orleans uh superdome and

and the bill stadium and the bill stadium was markedly cheaper because like they only have eight events a year right right the metrodome has like fucking concerts how sick would joe rogan arena be he's got the money to do it look at these numbers bro they're like all like in the single millions yeah i would have guessed. It's not nearly as expensive as you think. Wait, but what's Citi Field? Citi Field was like a long-term, lifetime sort of deal, I thought. Yeah, because AT&T Stadium in Dallas, obviously I grew up there, sadly.

Yeah. But it was like $3 million a year, $5 million, whatever it was. I was like, that's it? Look at that one. America West Arena was $166,000. What? Can we buy that? I want to say. $166,000. What? Can we buy that? I want to see.

$166,000. Still, though. I want to see Crypto.com paying because I want to see how their books are looking. I'm going to pay for this. What was this stat we heard the other day? Are you a crypto guy? I am. I am.

And I forgot. About 25% of my Bitcoin is in limbo because Voyager, which is Mark Cuban-backed, and one other one, BlockFi, which is Anthony Pompliano-backed. I had about 25% in there. I honestly am not that worried about it, weirdly. I think you'll get... Voyager gets bought by Coinbase, who apparently is pretty healthy. Coinbase was like the OG one

as far as I knew, right? That was the first one that public kind of could use. You get a drive, though. Hopefully it holds up until Thanksgiving. I have a friend who's like walking me through because I'm such a fucking retard. I'll definitely mess it up. He's like, you come to Dallas.

I'm going to give you a drive with a safe. We're going to do everything step by step. Yeah, because until you have that, you don't have shit. And I'm like, dude, I don't know. It just seems like a whole process. It's a whole thing. Dude, I have an FTX sponsorship deal. I don't need your help.

Thank you very much But we I've often said that like I would It wouldn't be like I retire But I would be pretty I'd be pretty well off

If Bitcoin went crazy Yeah And I root against it So fucking hard man I want it to Fucking fail so bad Like it'll be It's actually

It's like It's almost like I'm shorting Like my own happiness Yeah I'm like look If it goes great Fine whatever I'll get rich If it goes awful I'll be It's actually It's like It's almost like I'm shorting Like my own happiness Yeah I'm like look If it goes great Fine whatever

I'll get rich If it goes awful I'll be happy as fuck Yeah that's what a loser You think you are Is that you're rooting Against you being rich I'm not just rooting

Against me I'm rooting against I think I just think Bitcoin People are so annoying And I'm like look They're pretty smart They might be right

It's all in best of them But I fucking hate them all I hope it goes bad We particularly know a couple Who are like the Yeah yeah yeah traditional crypto bros yeah yeah yeah shut the fuck up man

I don't care what you're talking about if you're talking about it that much I don't want to hear it anymore it's just the internet Twitter ruins everything because when people start talking about stuff so much and I guess it's a contrarian aspect to me

where it's just like when so many people like something and so many people are so so voiceful about something that I'm like fuck that that's stupid like I was furious last so voiceful about something that I'm like fuck that that's stupid like I was furious last night

everyone tweeting about Yellowstone I was like are you guys pretending this show hasn't sucked the last two years are you fucking kidding me you guys are still

watching this and it was I guess people just everyone got on it late so now they're like are they realizing it's bad I don't know they're jumping onto it now

that show objectively stinks now yeah maybe it comes back this year. That's also the curse of if you're a little bit ahead on things or you just have, you know, you're ahead on the internet.

You see shit first. By the time everyone else gets to it, you're like... The genius of HBO is they'll always end a show early. Yeah. BBC's like that too. BBC never goes too long. BBC, dude. Sherlock, they started... I used to love that show. The last season got a little weird. But they usually end a show

right on time. HBO, outside of Game of Thrones, they fumbled the ending, but if they didn't, it would have been the right amount of time. Breaking Bad did it. But then Showtime will just drag a show forever. Dexter's still on TV? I watched that in college. I heard the first four seasons of Dexter

are fantastic. And then it goes down the fucking tubes. That fourth season with Lith TV? I watched that in college. I heard the first four seasons of Dexter are fantastic. And then it goes down the fucking tubes. That fourth season with Lithgow? I would love to hear those writers who are like, ah, we're done, man. And then they're like, no, you're not. You look at that check and you're like, all right, well, now he's got a superpower. Whatever, fuck it.

Because the money is just... That's why I would love some way to be like, if you could get your money in other ways, you know what I mean? Like, you get paid for the script, like, up front or whatever, and then that's it. So that whether you do four seasons or eight seasons, your money's the same. Because the money always makes you... Honestly, probably a viable option. FTX, guys.

For all your crypto needs. Yo, that man, I don't know his real name. SBF or SFB, the head of FTX. Sam, it's SFB. SFB? SFB, I think. There was some articles about him that were just so funny, like excerpts being like,

after sitting down with him and interviewing him, I can tell not only is he brilliant and not only is he a trendsetter, but most importantly, he's so selfless. He really does care about others. And then the next tweet was his fucking plane going to Argentina

and he's like I'm out I stole 25 billion dollars I'm gone dude the best the old tank exposed of Mr. Wonderful was that Kevin O'Leary

from Shark Tank and he is he's on stage at some conference and he's like my smartest investment I've ever made I gotta

I gotta I gotta give a little warning here i am a paid spokesman for and i have a shareholder of ftx he's like but you know i i i put my money where i know it's safe and and with sam backman i think his name is with sam backman i know not only do i have a good person but i have a man who both his parents are compliance officers, compliance lawyers. If my money is safe anywhere, it's with FTX. It's like one of the clearest old takes exposed to your life.

I could have told you, man, that I don't need to sit down with a guy. Once you're that rich, you have to be about yourself to get to that rich. Dude, that's where we sat down with Mr. Beast. And I heard his Rogan first. And I was like, yo, this kid is fucking incredible. Because he's one of those guys. But he's like legitimately on the spectrum. Legitimately doesn't seem to understand emotion.

And I think that's for the best. Because he's like, well, I don't need stuff. I don't need that. But he's just like this retard who's great at it. Yeah, think about it. Like you don't need some. I don't need that. But he's just like this retard who's great at it. Yeah, think about it. Like, you don't need some stuff, or you don't chase after pussy, and haters, and people chirping at you don't affect you. You're just like, whew.

But do these fucking YouTube videos. I just love, I want to be the biggest YouTuber ever. That's it. And we'll keep giving away money. But also, that is, I feel like that, and maybe it is because you're jumping on the spectrum, but I always think back to the line in, which I think was a real line delivered by Zuckerberg, in uh the social network when he's like if you know

me you know money's not a big part of my life and i thought that was so dope and then it was like oh wait eventually he's you just want to live in a different reality and like now it got weird now you use that much money and now it's weird yeah yeah i heard meta's failing oh it's like it's like i forget what i read It's like he's dumping like a billion dollars into it a month. And it's just like, almost like we've talked about with Musk and with like Trump where it's just like, they don't even really care about anything else. They just want to be cool and liked. And I think Zuckerberg's like that.

And like what's failing about it is he's trying to make himself the face of it. And everyone keeps seeing the fucking robot. Nobody wants to see that. The Meta Zuckerberg. Everyone's like, Jesus Christ. Dude, every time Zuckerberg no I want to part of that talks to me like yourself though right so why doesn't he just make it look like Tom from my space I like him no one wants to see that yeah and also like if we're being honest whatever that does not look like that looks like a cheap video game yeah I'm not that's what I

something yeah that's you put on like your goggles and you see that yeah I think also the problem is that you got You put on your goggles and you see that? Yeah. I think also the problem is that you've got to put on fucking goggles. You're not going to go home and put on a headset. When it can be a little like put on glasses. My understanding from talking to people smarter than me is they know it's not good yet, but they know they're getting a head start. So they're going to lose money for a while, take this PR hit for a while while and it'll eventually be the best. I think anything that is truly revolutionary like that, like there's a whole – probably even like up to the generation before us is probably not ready for that. Like even the young kids right now are probably not ready for it. See, I actually think of it like that.

We don't – I don't think we can get it yet because it's so far out there like where you're living in a different reality. So it's like, yeah, like 90% of the planet right now doesn't get what I'm doing but I'm doing it for, you know, for the future. That's actually probably why he makes it look so cartoony.

It's like Joe Camel. I'm trying to cat those kids. I won't get the kids. Yeah. I won't get the kids. Dude, because I remember I was at my friend's house

and he has two kids and he had some friends over who had their kids over and like three kids were just playing in the metaverse. They had their goggles on, and they were kind of just standing on the floor, all playing. And I was walking by them, and I just heard one kid.

Let's say he was six. I don't know the exact ages. But let's say he was six. If I could spot his exact age, that'd be weird. Yeah. He's a six-year-old. I can smell it on him. He's five years, ten months.

And he just says to no one out loud just whispers it to himself he goes oh I wish I could live in the metaverse forever and I was like and I heard that was like oh fuck dude this is gonna get weird yeah why would you give your kids they say don't give your kids cell phones and you're gonna put fucking VR goggles on them at six years old? We got Oculus and just the opening intro, they do this shit where you can slice a fruit and throw a ball. It's like little

geometric shapes. It's just the intro on how to learn how to use it. And my son was like, where's the Oculus? He eventually fell off on it but like but regular video games just like face buried in it could do it for 12 hours a day yeah you know but i guess i mean we were like that too but it's just so much better and more accessible like our thing was always you had you need a tv to play yeah dude there's now that you can play switch

like wherever you want i've been thinking about why the phone is such a problem and it's because when i'm looking at something this close to my face, and it's right here, nothing else exists. The TV is 10 feet away from me, 8 feet away from me, whatever. People are walking around. I'm aware. It's not great. In the world.

Yeah, it's not great, but there's something. I can see people around me. The phone is just me and this fucking thing, and that's it. That's true. Problems. I get so mad when I see people walking on the phone. Yeah. Even if they'd almost like, if I have to move just a little bit, I'm like in my head. I want so mad when I see people walking on the phone. Yeah. Even if they'd almost like,

like if I have to like move just a little bit, I'm like in my head. I want to just fucking show them. I'm like, get your fucking head up, you fucking idiot. Yeah. And then I look back at my phone. Yeah. 100%.

Dude, that's, I didn't know that number. He lost $100 billion in net worth this year. That's fucking. Yeah, he dumped most of it into fucking meta. Yeah, I didn't know. I mean, you know, there's dumping and then there's like, I dropped a hundred bill? I think that's just the stock price tanking, right?

Yeah. So if the stock price picks up, he's back. He's back up, yeah. Yeah, the only hope we have to get Zuckerberg out is Meta goes under, which would be hilarious. I mean, I'd be so happy. Imagine if Zuckerberg, like, failed. Yeah, oh, God, I'd be so happy. Like, he's just a destitute,itute. It's just on the streets.

For real. For real. I would jerk off to that news press. This guy just fucking annoys me. He is a very unlikable dude. It's weird. I'll pick my billionaire

that I like and it was Elon for a long time. You an Elon guy? The Twitter thing, I really from the beginning I was like, I hope this is just a PR thing. He's just doing it.

He's going to back out of the deal. And when he backed out because there were bots, I was like, great. This is the best move. You tease everybody. It's a funny thing. It's a funny troll. But then when he actually bought it, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? And then like AOC, who I don't even like, I really can't stand her, but she was just

like bodying him on Twitter. You saw the shot she was taking? Yeah. It was so rough. Well, that's also like what he was saying. Like, you know, that guy wants to be cool. And no matter how much money you have, you're awkward.

He's awkward. It's like you were already cool in your circle. You had those guys who called you the meme lord. And granted, none of those people were cool. But whatever. In your realm, you are the fucking king of the castle. Don't come over here. Because it doesn't matter how much money you have.

You're weird. There is no one cool on Twitter. People who are trying to be cool on Twitter, you're not doing Twitter right. Right. And when you come on and you're like, yeah, I'm the guy now. I'm the funny guy. Guess what? What we do is we tear down on Twitter.

You like Twitter? I don't. I'm always on it, but I'll read sports stuff or whatever for the most part. Or articles that could be good for flagrant news things that could be good for. Right. Right. But I do not love it. I like engage it. Well, you tweet and reply.

What I think I've realized about a lot of these places, I get affected by negative comments, which is not great. But I'm glad people have those spaces. But because I do get affected by it, I try not to see. I try not to look at my comments if I can, period. Because I'll get a thousand good comments and five negative. And I'll be like, oh, God, this is the worst experience. Why did I read this? And that's like 0.5%.

If I got a 99.5 on a test, I'd be thrilled. Absolutely. I wouldn't be beating myself up. That is the most, if there's like one thing I think that I could change about myself, because it changes everything, is if you can focus on the good and not the bad. But I think everybody's human condition is the bad. But I think everybody's like human condition. My wife has a great insight though. And some people are going to be upset by this.

But she was like, think of all the videos you've watched. And how many times have you as a healthy, functioning human being left a negative comment? Yeah. Right. Maybe once or twice in your life. Maybe. I don't know if I ever have. Yeah.

Never. And I'm a pretty, I love hating on shit. But like I'm not going to tell this guy and like ruin his fucking it's like it's there's like a mental illness to it hating you did a great thing where you called your troll i remember that yeah yeah yeah that was great and he all of a sudden was like yeah i don't know man i what was i'm sorry about that yeah that guy he straight up i am right he was like i'm dumb man i was still stupid i was just doing a dumb thing i was like all right well that was you know the interview's over i guess that's all i was looking at looking to hear i i think

there's a difference between like uh you were nice about that because i'd have been like you understand what a piece of shit you are right you affect someone's day every single day and you think that's just funny yeah like we talk about all this bullying shit and you're just some you're a bully and a loser that's what you're the worst of both worlds right there was a time on twitter where it was like like at him like like if you're talking about someone like people reply like why don't you add him why don't you add him i'm like dude do not ever at me with bad shit yeah you if you don't like me fucking say you don't like me that's fine i don't need to know it yeah i don't need to hear about it that is the worst part about social media getting so big and uh like enough success where the shit you say about people gets back to them now.

And I don't want to say that I want to be a troll behind someone's back. But it's like in the world of celebrity, entertainment, sports, gossip, I like to give commentary and shit. But I'm not trying to get it at that person. I just want to talk about it with you guys. But now Adam, Adam, Adam. It's like, well, I don't want to fucking, you know. I don't even know if I could ruin somebody's day on that level. But it's like I don't want to at them. I just want to talk about it with you guys. But now, Adam, Adam, Adam. It's like, well, I don't want to fucking, you know. I don't even know if I could ruin somebody's day on that level. But it's like, I don't want to at them.

I just want to talk with you guys. And that is the thing, as your profile raises, you get aware of is, oh, now there's a way for them to hear. We start with just talking with our boys. I hate that. And when you're talking with your homies, you'll say wild shit because it's never going to get back to the person and hurt their feelings. Then as your profile raises, it could get back to them. And you have to be a little aware of like, I don't want to be a phony, but I also don't, I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings in real life.

I'm just having some fun talking to my friends. Also, when it gets back to them, it's not getting back to them with your clip. It's like, did you hear what so-and-so said about you? That's not how I said it. Also, they're paraphrasing it. That's not what I meant at all, you fucking asshole. And even if it did,

I was probably trying to be funny and have a thing and entertain, and I didn't even think about it. And now you have to think about, like, oh, yeah, these guys could, like... I hate that. I don't want to think about it.

Lars and Pippin, I apologize for calling you Evil Pete Davidson. No, I don't for that. Some people can catch it. I want that bitch as far away from me as possible. You is live.

Larson, you can stay the fuck away from me forever, please. Did you ever see when Dion had Brittany Renner come in and talk to his team? Oh, yeah. That was probably, you know, you can have all sorts of people come in and talk to a team of guys that might go pro or whatever. You got to have people come in and talk about their finances. You got to have people come in and talk about, finances. You got to have people come in and talk about how to stay safe and all that shit. Having Brittany Renner come in and talk to them might be the most useful speech those

guys are... The little bit I saw, just like, don't get trapped by these hoes. She was very... I'm pretty sure she was very... She was like a scared straight? Yeah, kind of. Yes. I think she was like, here are my tactics and here's how I'm... It was right when she... Who's the dude, the young kid in the nba who she just recently washington i think yeah

like just trapped him with a baby and like and she was just out there you know giving advice on yeah basically scared straight yeah and like you know i'm sure she fucked all of them afterwards like actually my newest trick is to fucking get in there like that but i didn't uh so dion again i live in dallas he had like prime academy like that. But I didn't. So Dion, again, I live in Dallas. He had like Prime Academy, which failed and like he didn't really take any accountability. So I don't always love what he does. But that motherfucker is a way better coach than I thought he would be and a way better recruiter than I thought he would be.

Because he is electric. That Brittany Renner, to me, that was the smartest recruiting I have ever seen from a college football coach. And let me bring in one of the baddest bitches on earth and show how i'm helping my team even the and i believe he had good intentions but like putting out that clip of after offset got killed and he was like yo y'all can't go out this is something you need to be aware of it's not worth dying he said all these really profound things and they needed to hear them but he also put that online and it will help a lot of people yeah but also the profile of coach prime raises and then you're like you know this guy

might be somebody i want my kids to play for and kids might be like oh this might be somebody i need to play for dude he's a smart fucking guy with this if you are a supreme athlete that like you're gonna have all the attention on you just because you are one of the greats then like you go do your thing if you're like a middle of the road dude you're gonna to have all the attention on you just because you are one of the greats, then you go do your thing. If you're a middle-of-the-road dude, you're going to get way more exposure rolling with Prime and Jackson State right now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you could maybe go to a more well-known program,

but you're still going to be middle-of-the-road. Or go over here. You're probably going to be like Big Fish Small Pond, and Dion's going to be there. You're going to know the name. If you're looking to raise like your stock or whatever that's the place to go

I mean they stole the number one prospect in the country I mean that's like from Florida State and I love that he's doing it from Florida State I love that he's doing it

I hope he doesn't go to a big program because I love that little the push you're seeing a little bit for like HBCUs like one of the top recruits in basketball went to an HBCU

or was talking about and I think that's so cool it's inevitable he will eventually I think he was on 60 Minutes recently and my mom called me and told me about it. I didn't see it.

And he was like pretty upfront where he's like, yeah, no, I'm doing this for now but if there's another opportunity, I'll take another opportunity. Eventually, you got to, you know, you want to try to go because no matter how good he is,

there's just certain, you know, limitations Jackson State has. He doesn't need money. Have you seen that clip? This is, and again, that's why I'm kind of like ambivalent on him. Have you seen the clip where he's, that's why I'm kind of ambivalent on him.

Have you seen the clip where he's kind of clowning that reporter who's talking to him with the white voice? He's like, why are you talking to me? And I get what you're doing. Oh, yeah, that was dumb. I get what you're doing. You're saying to this guy, you don't have to change who you are for anybody. But why you got to do it now during the interview? Talk to me after.

I also didn't think he was particularly like, good afternoon, Mr. Sanders. Like, he wasn't, you know, it was a pretty standard, like, normal voice. There was really no reason to put him on blast like that. The other one was when he was, he wanted to be referred to as coach. And he was like, you wouldn't talk to Saban like that. And the guy just had, like, a million examples of what he called Saban Nick instead of coach. Whatever it was. But, you know, I also think Dion, you know, he likes to fucking.

Yeah. He spices it up. Yeah, that's true. But, I mean, as far as, you know, I think one of the best things in life is having like the gift of gab and just being that. Like there are certain people, man, they walk in a room and it's theirs. They own it. He was with Barstool for a while, right? Yeah, still is.

Still is. Which I thought was going to be a way bigger deal. I thought like Not not not I thought in a negative aspect I thought he was gonna get like A lot more And maybe he does in Jackson

But like Or maybe he wins It doesn't matter I thought like I thought it was gonna be like When you're doing like Sunday NFL shows And coaching a football team

But I've heard In season I thought was gonna be I think the first year He was like It was out of season And then in season He's still fucking with it Yeah cause the first year Was when they ended up Playing the spring schedule Cause of COVID I think the first year he was out of season and then in season he's still fucking with it. They ended up playing a spring schedule because of COVID.

Right. I always say I thought it was going to be a bigger deal but the only negative stuff is in your mentions usually. I'll never know if people don't like something about someone because I don't read their mentions. Who reads someone else's mentions?

Oh, there's weirdos out there, bro. Yeah, I'm curious. I don't think anybody with anything they've got to do. I have to remind myself, no matter how great I think this person is, their mentions are still, this guy sucks, this guy sucks. The guy, my best friend in this business that I do the podcast with, Andrew, is a fucking rocket ship. He's ascending to star, star, stardom.

And it's amazing to see. And sometimes I'll get in my head like, I bet Andrew didn't get fucking hate like this. And then I'm like, you know what? He probably does. All the time, dude. So just remember, no matter what you're doing or how revolutionary this shit is or whatever, it's going to be a lot of people saying really unnecessarily strong things to you. So just try to chill and remember that.

Again, these people. Both sides of it too, though. Also the people who are treating you like a god. It's like, well, don't feed in too much to them. It's heroin. You just can't have the fucking mentions at all. That's why I try to look at comments. There's the good and the bad.

The bad, bad, fucking bad. To your wife's point, I think I read once where it was like, and it was Yelp specific, but it was like, always remember when you're reading a Yelp review, it was written by someone who would write a Yelp review. Great. All right.

That's a good point. Great. That's funny. I remember I did a show on a boat for some Yelp people. It was in New York. Got free food, whatever. I was poor. I said, let's do it.

And then I said to them, I said, you know what's funny? I don't, it was like a bunch of their best reviewers, and I was like, I don't even respect professional critics. Yeah, you guys are amateur critics. You're the NBDL for critics. Like, it's pathetic. What is wrong with you guys? That's a great point.

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bottomclothing.com slash KFC. Yo, some of the clips you've been putting up, you've just been flaming, motherfuckers. Oh, thank you, man. Yeah, thank you. Who was it recently? The British guy? Yeah.

Yeah, I hated that guy so much. Yeah, what was his story? So this British guy comes to the show with his boyfriend. I'm in North Carolina. It's like during a hurricane almost. That was so cool when you were like, we just came out of the safety of the crowd and all that shit. So we did the show anyway.

And this guy comes through and he's just miserable the whole show in the very front row, which you are entitled to not find us funny. I would say, though, just leave. I'm not going to leave. People leave comedy shows. It happens. We walk people, especially if you're saying divisive things. funny i would say though just leave yeah i'm not gonna be if people leave comedy shows it happens we walk we walk people especially if you're saying like divisive things and what i also didn't like

is he two more things one my opener was just trying to like talk to him to get him to warm up and he was just a dick to the opener and the opener can't destroy you because he has to worry about me and if i if he flips the audience i gotta go do more work whatever he probably could have done better too but i'm not gonna put that on him because that's you're in a little tenuous situation then i go up and i'm like talking to him a bit and i'm thinking i remember vividly thinking maybe this guy is just a little anxious because he's a gay british dude and fucking raleigh north carolina and he doesn't know if people are cool with that yeah i wouldn't blame him for that so i I started asking him questions, how you guys meet. And they say it was a hinge date.

We, you know, whatever. People start clapping. And I say like, that's beautiful, man. People start clapping. And I say to the guy who's still not really talking, I say, see, man, you don't need to be nervous about anything, scared about anything. These people, just because whatever, just because you're in the South doesn't mean. And then he cuts me off and he goes, oh, I'm not nervous.

And I was like, oh, so you're not anxious. You're just a dickhead. That's your thing. It was like the way he was sitting too. Yes.

And it was smug and then he would like roll his eyes in the middle of the show and be like, like just exhaling mad loudly. And I'm trying, you always notice,

kind of like the comments, you always notice the one guy that doesn't like you. 100%. But you have, the whole room is laughing. you always notice the one guy that doesn't like you. Yeah, 100%. The whole room is laughing. I can picture the girl in Phoenix right now. She was in my view the whole time. I was like, God damn it.

And it drives you nuts because you're looking at them, not laughing. But you try as you do it more to be like, hey, let me not worry about this guy. Look at everybody else that's laughing. And it's a show that's going well. And so I've had shows where i'm like this was this guy's right but this show is going well i'm like don't worry about it do your jokes do your set i'm doing my i'm done with my set and as i'm done when i'm like introducing this like third part of the show we're gonna do like a little question and answer session

and i see for the last five minutes he's just looking at his hand picking his calluses like oh you don't have at least go on your phone it's not yeah it's not even gross it's just you don't have calluses you're a skinny fuck i know you don't work out nothing's wrong with your hands i think we edited that line i said that because i didn't want to make fun of him because it it feels a little bullyish to make fun of a skinny gay british dude for him so i remember thinking that in the, I don't want to pick on this guy, but I fucking don't like him and he needs to know it. And that was when I just snapped. And then my point was,

you're so shitty, you made me hate the queen more. Like, I never loved her. I'm an Indian guy. Fuck the monarchy. The reason my parents live here is y'all fucked India. But now I'm really glad

this bitch is dead. Like, I'm so happy. And then I just fucking go at him. And it was like 10 minutes that we cut down to five of the best minutes. Yeah. And, like, again, I didn't say anything cruel to him. I made sure, like, I'm not going to – I don't want you to walk away thinking anything

except maybe my personality sucks. I don't want to make fun of your teeth or whatever. I'm just like – I could, by the way. I could make a lot of fun of you. Yeah, because then it's like you can't control that. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to make fun of your teeth or whatever. I'm just like. I could, by the way. I could make a lot of fun of you. Yeah, because then it's like, you can't control that. Yeah.

That was the one line I had that I cut for that reason. I was like, acting like you're picking cows. You don't live weights. What the fuck are you talking about? Did the boyfriend get involved at all? Boyfriend knew. He was just kind of looking like, yeah, he's been shitty the whole hour. Right, right. And that's why I had the line where I was like, I bet he wouldn't do this to you if he paid for this date.

I know you paid. Just look at how shitty he's been. Yeah. I had my wife do this to me. I pay for something and she's not enjoying it. I'm like, bitch, you don't have some money in this car. Yeah. Crazy.

You're wasting our money by being unhappy. So we put the clip out and then on TikTok, it goes fucking crazy. It gets like 9 million views in like a day. And then all of a sudden, I start seeing more and more comments of like, no, this guy's anxious. And I'm like, yeah, he says he's not nervous in the clip, but whatever. Yeah, fuck you. And then Ladbible, which is some cuck British thing.

Yeah, yeah. They publish the article and basically kind of write the article as if I just rage out at this guy for no reason. And you can have that perspective. I think they leaned that way and made it clear they leaned that way but then i started getting all kinds of hate from british people and then i was on reddit front page and the whole thing is the whole title if you look it up it's like um spastic shitty comedian loses his temper because someone laughs at his completely unfunny jokes or whatever and then there's a deluge of like hatred and that's where deluge of like hatred.

And that's where, again, one of these moments where you got to practice like. Yo, Reddit is a place like front page Reddit. Yeah. You could be on like Little Reds. No, no. Reddit is the Reddit. Toxic place. It's the most toxic place.

To me, Reddit is just like the internet. Like I know it's its own website and app and all that shit. But it's like to me, it's just, you know, when they call it the front page of the internet, it kind of is. It's like where everything is born from in a way. So when you get on that, you get into the. Oh, it's like to me it's just you know when they call it the front page of the internet it kind of is it's like where everything is born from in a way so when you get on that you get into the oh it's an important thing and again that's where i don't want to look at the uh goes on cringy rant no it actually if you look at the actual like there's another one that's i i have a i have a i can maybe even dm you since you record or like text you after because i have a screenshot

that i texted andrew i was like honestly honestly, it's well-worded. It's alliterative. It's like really well. He did like a good job with the title. I got to be honest. It is crazy too how much like a headline does affect a reader. Yes. Like you never – I never really thought about that.

I always thought that was kind of like an overstated thing. Yeah, it primes you. Like, dude, like whatever it says right away, like yeah, okay. I actually really like try to pride myself on like I'll, if I see something and I disagree with the headline, I'll be like, no, like, that's wrong. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Because, like, you really should go into it with, like, an open mind because there's always

somebody with an agenda. With news, I try not to read headlines that are clearly biased. Yeah. But with entertainment, it's all emotion anyway. Yeah, yeah, right, right. So who cares if the headline, I don't blame audience members for being led down that road yeah that's just also fun too it's like there's really no you know and lad bible needs their clicks so i'm not mad at them i just it just sucks that it's me this time right right right yeah i mean if you're on the internet

long enough it's like you also take a turn in the blender you know yeah but it really blows my mind that people are offended that an indian doesn't like the monarchy yeah right if there's ever anybody who's got the fucking right to not like it yeah and then i've like looked up i was like maybe queen elizabeth nothing bad happened under her reign but there was a fucking genocide in kenya a propaganda war in indonesia there was a genocide in malaya it's like uh this this bitch sucks even if she didn't know about it you're a figurehead so fuck the figure you had you know know what? It's pretty funny. It's like everybody else in the world, you know, you can work for a company and you are

responsible for everything that company does. Or you're from a family and you don't fuck with them, but you have that last name, so that's it. But in this situation, during your tenure, you might have not done all the things, so you're good. If I'm the CEO of a company and I have a guy underneath me that robs billions of dollars, if the head of FTX didn't steal the billions and it was're good? If I'm the CEO of a company, and I have a guy underneath me that robs billions

of dollars, if the head of FTX didn't steal the billions and it was the number two, it's the head of FTX's fault. Fuck that guy still. You represent this company, fuck you. People can say, fuck Tom Brady, this is your spokes... People can hate y'all. You know what I mean? I was pushing Exodus, I don't know how they're doing.

I got no clue. My shit was in Coinbase. I tried to move it over, but the ui sucked and that might have saved me hundreds of thousands of dollars there were a couple of times where i was like i feel like i should probably use ftx since we we advertise it and i like same thing i logged in like i can't even figure this out so how else is shit going uh flagrant's good like flagrant is great it's really blown up in a way that just like i didn't fully under like i wasn't i don't even know if i was ready like i didn't understand being one of the biggest podcasts on earth it happened it happened yeah you know i should say quick because you guys were doing it yeah but like it went you know you're doing steady

growth steady growth and then yeah and i think covid we made the choice and i don't know what y'all and did y'all do in-person during COVID? We did. We went home for like two months. Yeah, we came back way early, but like the very early stages. We came back July 2020. We were back in the office. Okay, because I remember a call with Andrew, and I know I said it,

and I think he was like, yeah, that's exactly what I'm thinking. It was that weekend where everything shut down. I was doing a show in Canada, and it was i was like finally getting momentum with starting to sell out it was amazing i'd sold out the weekend and then they canceled the saturday show and the friday show a bunch of people didn't show so friday he called me he's like yo this shit is serious they're like talking about shutting down new york we got to figure out how to get you into america what do you want to do with the pod and i'm like look there's actually a huge growth opportunity here so i'm cool if you're cool and we come into the office and he's like that's exactly what i was thinking uh and obviously andrew's always then

he had his whole team there and then he did the netflix thing which is fucking amazing the rants but like that decision to be in person when everyone else was on zoom i knew zoom just doesn't look as good so if we can be safe everywhere else and then come be in person and people who are dying for entertainment can watch us. And he obviously was ahead of me too. Like I'm not gonna act like it was my idea and I took the credit,

but we both had this like understanding that that was the opportunity and that's when the momentum started going. And then as he's ascended, it's just kept going. And now I think my comedy's starting to ascend as well. And I think that's funneling into it a little bit. And then Mark, who's on the team, is brilliant with YouTube and knowing analytics and all that stuff,

and he's super funny as well. So it's just like hitting this thing where it's like, oh, shit. That's exactly what Bert and Tom said too, that it was the pandemic in person, the fact that they kept doing it in person. I also think, though, I bet if you guys did Zoom, I think the world just started looking for a lot more shit, too. I think there's a lot more time to fill. And podcasts and things like that were on the one hand, I think we actually took a hit.

Barstool was like so already kind of entrenched with podcasts and the Internet. Yeah. So much of that is on commutes and at the gym and all that kind of shit that I think all of a sudden it was like, I used to have an hour built in for this, and now I don't. But I think everyone was just like, I need more entertainment. I need something to do and comedy. We also didn't even really focus on YouTube

until after that. Yeah. Don't get fucking started on that. Ten years ago, Barstool told me, we're not doing YouTube. I said, okay. Okay. Whoops!

No, but you guys, I mean, look, you have two megapixel cameras in here. That's really, you guys are doing it. You got a whole setup. You got ring lights that Instagram influencers have on the straight from Best Buy, baby. I think that was $79.95. It's clear that Dave Portnoy

has invested in the YouTube space. I mean, this is the Fit Tea light right here. If you're selling Fit Tea that's going to kill people as an Instagram influencer that's later going to get flown out to the Middle East to get shit on by a chick, that's the light.

Did you see that New York Times article, I think it was recently? That was like, I forget if it was the Times, maybe it was just a Twitter thread, I forget. But it was like, I have uncovered something that is really dangerous happening in Dubai. There are influencers going there. And they're getting golden visas, I think they're called. They're getting golden visas. And you guys aren't going to believe this.

They're getting paid for sex. It's like Epstein's Island to them I'd heard of it I thought it was a myth It's so funny God bless dude God bless these fucking Oh let me

Oil shakes We got We do like Am I the Asshole segment Where we Read through certain scenarios And decide who the asshole is I think this one would be good for you

So Am I the asshole for being told think this one would be good for you. So, am I the asshole for being told to be quiet, for leaving after being told to be quiet at dinner? She is a 21-year-old girl. His boyfriend is 24. Boyfriend of almost a year. Invited me to dinner

with his family. Mom, dad, and 16-year-old brother. Never met them prior to that. The only thing I knew about them is that they're conservative and Christians, but lovely people. And they were were i got along really well with them before dinner they were lovely and they were talkative when it was time for dinner my boyfriend's dad wanted to pray after praying he said something along the lines of let us dig in and let the food keep us quiet this is a pretty popular saying in our country i don't know yeah uh this uh mostly told to young children in school all right that makes

sense like shut the fuck up eating your food okay um my understanding of it has always been that you shouldn't speak with food in your mouth or be extremely loud at the table i wouldn't say a cultural thing though i dug in took a bite it was fish soup absolutely delicious and you know like a good guest i wanted to compliment the cook i said this is delicious. It's the perfect autumn soup. My boyfriend's brother looked surprised. My boyfriend's father hushed me, big time, a really aggressive shh with a finger over his lips, and then said to me, let the food keep us

quiet. I apologized because I thought I had accidentally spoken with food. But a few minutes passed, and nobody said a word. Super awkward and weird, blah, blah, blah. My boyfriend was unusually quiet. After a few minutes, I was too weirded out and asked about their day. How nice it was that they invited me there. And then his mother did the shush thing.

I think this is when it clicked. No speaking at the table at all. Let the food keep us quiet. Really quiet. Super awkward. I couldn't deal with it. Imagine sitting at a table, five people eating soup, looking deadly serious. So I laughed and it just slipped out. Ended up being told off by the boyfriend's parents

That I was being disrespectful So I thanked them for the food And left for the hotel My boyfriend stayed Oh this guy sucks too Later my boyfriend told me That it was an asshole move That I should have just kept quiet

Or eat alone in the kitchen Nah nah fuck that Fuck that Fuck that That is You know what she should do She should go back there Eat in the kitchen

And be loud as fuck. Play music? Just bass, bumping, explicit black music. They're going to hate it. Black music will drive them crazy. Even if it's like jazz, they'll be like, oh, this is when they started getting rights. Oh, they're going to fucking hate it. She did what that British guy should have done.

She left. She did the right fucking thing. Go back Apologize And be like You know what You guys are right I'm gonna

I like to make a little noise I'm gonna be in the other room And then just be so fucking Be on the phone FaceTime Laughing Pull up a movie On your iPad

I'm with my boyfriend's family They're fucking insane They're fucking nuts They fed me fish soup First of all What is that Which is fucking crazy And now they're just

Sitting in the other room. Yeah, no, no. Can you hear? There's nothing going on in the background. They're eating dinner. They're all together in the room back there. Yeah, that boyfriend got a man up, too. I have fucked up before where, like, my mom was wiling,

and, like, I didn't defend my wife enough, and now she's cheating my girl all the time. And I was like, yo, you can't ever do that again. That's a moment as a man where you got to be like, oh, if this is be like oh this is the if this is wifey this is priority now and you gotta man

the fuck up bro it's the worst though where it's like ah my mom's gonna be so mad at me yeah yeah yeah but if they shush now if my mom

shushed my wife I'd be like are you fucking mind yeah how about you leave like you gotta learn bro yo but there's some comments you know like

you know you're the asshole it's their house their rules just suck it up and be polite those people are giant pussies yeah dude they're like How about you leave? You gotta learn, bro. But there's some comments, you know, like, you know, you're the asshole. It's their house, their rules. Just suck it up and be polite. Those people are giant pussies. Yeah, dude. They're like, I, speaking full on behalf of the giant pussies, I still would be like, yo, fuck this, dude.

You're crazy if you think we're just sitting here in silence. But particularly, if you want to serve me a steak, we'll sit in silence. A soup, motherfucker, just slurping nonstop, dude. Fish soup I gotta be quiet for? It's a shit food. Who's ever wanted fish soup? Have any of you? There's five of us in this room. Anybody ordered a fish soup in their life at a restaurant? What the fuck is a fish soup?

I've never heard of fish soup. This is some, yo, and they're not inviting you over out of generosity. They're inviting you over to test you. So you test them right the fuck next. Hey, girl, good for you. You're a man. That guy sucks.

Cheat on him. My family doesn't like you. Cheat on him. Feidelberg, you single? You single? Dude, I'll get you some dinner, girl. No fucking fish soup over here. We'll go to Carbone, girl.

Yes! We'll talk the whole fucking time. Get fucking drunk. We'll motherfuck these people. I like their house. I don't give a shit, girl. Yes. We'll talk the whole fucking time. Get fucking drunk. We'll motherfuck these people. I like their house. I don't give a shit, dude. You and your girl are both same heritage, same background. Yeah, different religion.

She's Sikh. I'm Hindu. But same. Is that all good? It's a bit of a thing. More for her than me. Because I think, I didn't even know that Sikhs had been persecuted throughout history, so they have a certain sensitivity when they feel like,

and my parents don't fully understand enough or whatever. I didn't know shit. So she's a little more sensitive about it than me, but both religions are very much like, we accept all faiths. We don't try to proselytize. We don't try to convert you. This is a way of life. You can choose it or you can not.

So for the most part, it lines up. There's little moments where it's a little bit like, eh. A little awkward. Yeah, yeah. But I get where she's coming from. That also helps. Like, I understand why. Once you understand why a person feels a way in a relationship, it's like, oh, oh, that's

way better. Yeah, you're not being a dick. You're just, you know, whatever. Yeah, this is where it's coming from. I get it. I can understand that. If you just see the thing. Right.

Like, if if you know somebody got killed for talking at a table maybe those parents would have a good idea right if they grew up in a time eight years ago

where you get beheaded for speaking at a table then I get your rules if not you're a fucking psychopath it's also like when I learned it was like Christian

I'm like oh that's my thing and I've never heard of this that means it's fucking insane I've never heard of this once in my life it's wasp it's not Christian it, oh, that's my thing? And I've never heard of this? Yeah, yeah. That means it's fucking insane. Like, I've never heard of this once in my life. It's wasp.

It's not Christian, it's wasp. That's just white people assholes. You know what I mean? That's just fucking... I want to know... Let the food speak for us. It's like,

I don't know why it makes me mad. And the husband's saying it? You didn't even cook? Yeah. What the fuck are you doing? If the mom said it, I'd be like, maybe she just thought

she put her foot in it so hard that like, let's just enjoy this food that I slaved over the husband also what she said though is to the point like that's what they say

to the little kids you don't say it to me I'm a fucking adult I'm a grown ass man you tell the kids to be quiet good for you girl I bet your boyfriend doesn't listen to this

he's probably listening to NPR fucking fuck you got any voicemails Pabs we're gonna run through a couple voicemails you got time love it I got all day okay cool I'm here with the boys yo Caroline's this weekend come through You got any voicemails, Paz? Nope. We're going to run through a couple voicemails. You got time? Love it. Yeah, okay.

I got all day. Okay, cool. I'm here with the boys. Yo, Carolines, this weekend, come through. I want you all there. Let me know what shows you want to come to. 100% there. I'm there.

15 through 17. Wait, 17 through 19. The weather's turning. Winter is almost here. And I know it's hard to stay active. I don't stay active during any season. But if you're one of those people who get outdoors and you like to run and walk and the winter comes, it's not so easy when the weather drops, right?

Temperature drops. That's why you got to get the Allbirds Mizzle Collection. Sounds like something that Snoop would be pushing. Shizzle my Mizzle. This is a Mizzle, dude. Designed for those who don't take snow for an answer. Boom. Nailed it, Allbirds.

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uh as a sneaker head like you know you them. You know what the All Bird looks like. And you can get your pair now. Go to allbirds.com, A-L-L-B-I-R-D-S.com. Discover your perfect pair at All Birds today. Get that Mizzle collection. Hey, boys. First of all, I was at the LA Live show. So shout out for coming out to LA.

It was incredible. Look at you. So for my job, a big part of it is I cover people's vacations for a week. So my question for you is for a week, if you had to cover one podcast, what would be your number one choice

and your last choice to cover? For example, what does he mean? He covers, like he works for someone while they're on vacation? I guess he's like, yeah,

like taking pictures or whatever, like a journalism sense, I assume. Or is he saying he fills it? He's saying he's a substitute. Oh, I cover for you at work. Like I cover your shit. Oh, he's a substitute?

Okay. In any field? In any field. I'm assuming. I've never heard of such a thing. I do. I've never heard of it. Can he cover this podcast?

Can I go on vacation for a week and you do it behind? That's what I'm saying. That would be so fucking funny. This is actually good, though. Can he cover this podcast? Can I go on vacation for a week and you do a podcast? That would be so fucking funny. This is actually good, though. Because the podcast, I mean, you obviously, the first thing is Rogan, because he gets the biggest guests in the world. But you're like, yo, fuck,

I got to do three and a half hours of really good interviewing. That's a lot of time. Bro, I get like three questions. Like, what's your name? Yeah. Wait, what the fuck are you talking about? And Rogan remembers, he retains information incredibly, insanely well. I don't.

No. So I'm just going to ask you questions for about an hour and then be like, all right, I think we're both done, huh? I'm going to have to ask this guy what exactly cover means because you can only be so good at so many things. Yeah, right. You can only cover, like I couldn't cover for a fucking doctor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if I had to cover a podcast. things yeah right you can only cover like i couldn't cover for a fucking doctor yeah yeah

but uh if i had to cover you have a specific field you work in what did he say he just has like he has like those uh he just said i cover for people while they're on vacation oh yeah probably some some blue collar shit right like i would guess so um so for my job a big part of it Cover people's vacations? That to me maybe means like I work in construction and then I bop around to other fucking every site that has a guy missing. You know what I mean? I'm like a utility man. You plug me in wherever you need me.

Right, I'll play second base. I'll play left field. But I would imagine it's within one realm. Because otherwise it's just like, I can do everything. A kindergarten teacher? Like, look, I'm hitting them all Ds. Yeah, right, a teacher hitting them all Ds.

Let's be serious. I'm going to Toledo for the week. If I had to cover for one podcast, though, I want to say Pivot because they get fucking this is sports podcast with the best athletes all the time what's pivot it's uh ryan clark um fuck i can't remember the other guy's name especially jay he's a linebacker for the dolphins he's good but anyway they'll it's like athletes you want those athletes yeah but they'd also look at me like what's this

little dork doing here pretend i actually don really – we get the opportunity a lot to interview athletes, and we don't really do it very often because I think a lot of times – I mean, obviously, in comparison to when we have comedians on, it's like, all right, well, they're not that funny. And they're also – I've noticed that there are a lot of athletes who have personality, tons of them. But I think a vast majority of them are like, dude, I'm not going to fuck up my money. Because my money isn't in being – Speaking candidly.

It's not being entertaining. That's not what makes me money. It's being fucking super talented and shutting my mouth is what makes me money. Right, right, right. If you can get them to open up, that's very interesting. BMT obviously does it and they're very good at it. They've become friends with a lot of them. But when we have an athlete that's our first-time medium, it's kind of like, all right, this is kind of boring.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that generic shit drives me crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So wait, so you spoke to Izzy right after the loss? Yes, yes. First of all, that's wild to be on that level where it's like he's probably not looking to talk to many people. I mean, you guys have been talking with him since before.

Yeah, dude, it was cool. He he came in 2017 and we were talking and he was he's been so confident and not it comes across to some people as cocky i guess but if you meet him you're like no this he's just very self-assured he just knew this is what it was going to be he's seen it the whole time he didn't see losing but once he lost he was like okay well this is part of the journey yeah and the loss was kind of cool i think because a lot of people started to love him again whereas before he was like too good so you started yeah yeah yeah well when you never lose and and let's be honest some of the some of those title retentions weren't like the most exciting yeah yeah so it's like he's a counterpuncher so if you're not swinging it's not much for him to do right so you pay some money and you don't get an exciting fight and that kind of shit plays into it and then yeah nobody likes to root for the guy who always wins

every time yeah and now all of a sudden you get plus i don't i don't feel this way but there's enough people out there saying that was an early stoppage so you get a little bit yeah yeah i would dude as a guy who cares about him i was like i would much rather an early stoppage and save his fucking brain i know he hates that i saw there's a screenshot like right before he jumped in and his head is forward. And the next one, whether it was a knee or a foot or a fist, like the next one was going to be ugly. So yeah, I and he kind of he was like, look, he got me and I know I can get him. He got me. This motherfucker did it to me again because that's what happened.

You know, if you are in the mindset, he is that's the story right it's like you got to get through this guy he beat you over here he beat you here like the next step is to win it back from that guy who you know that's got to be that's that's the end of the movie or like the big moment in the movie yeah exactly and i it's so cool that he saw that because i was so affected watching i never watched somebody fight that i cared about as a person. And I'm like, we're not like homies, homies, but we have a lot of love for each other. And I'm like. You were there?

No, no, no. I should have been. But I had Madison. I had this show. And the shows were fucking great. So I don't really regret it. But like I was watching like I remember in the round five, I saw this guy. He looks like Sagat.

Like he's a fucking monster Thai kickboxer. He's not Thai. He's Brazilian. But he looks like that. And I was like, dude, in roundboxer he's not thai he's brazilian but he looks like that and i was like dude in round five i was like please is he just fucking live just dodge and live and he said what happened is he got hit they were both kicking each other's legs and he got hit in the perineal nerve of his that shit and he's like i couldn't like lift my foot and i don't know if you remember if you saw the fight he like stumbled backward and like somersaulted in a really fucking cool way he said i actually tried to plant my foot but it just wasn't there so i fell i think the only time i ever recognized that well because i don't know shit about fighting and like the only time i

recognized it was what was it poirier versus mcgregor yeah yeah poirier was just hammering it hammering and when it goes you're done like it's it's and i as a non-fighter i know like i when i think of fighting it's like punch someone in the face. You never think about working the body, hitting the liver. Let me hit you in the nerve and your calf. Take away your ability to fight me rather than just knocking you out. I feel like as MMA has gotten bigger and I've paid a little more attention to it, I've heard so much about those calf kicks. Yeah, he said this one was a super specific spot that he was working on,

and then he sensed it, and he was smart. He gave, I forget the other guy's name already, he gave him credit. He was like, yeah then he sensed it he was smart he gave uh i forget the other guy's name already but he gave him credit he was like yeah he he did that was smart but it just fucking it was that one specific spot you know what though that's that's the difference right there it's like we don't even not to take away from that guy he's the champ and all that but like this this game is also about your your presence and your persona and it's like he'll be back bro yeah he'll be back and he'll be just fine i felt like so happy to see him handling it with such grace and such confidence and self-assurance that he'd be back and dude he was very cool in the yeah post game like he had fur jacket on he was like yeah and he and yeah he was like he wasn't

he wasn't salty because it could have been really disappointing but understandable but disappointing if he was like yo that guy got lucky blah blah blah not giving up credit but he made him so much more likable to be like, hey, I got got, it happens, he deserved it. I'll be back and I'll get him next time. But he got me this time and he deserved it. I could have done things better, but he got it. And that's the way to keep fans and win new fans.

When McGregor always kind of diminishes the opponent, it's just like, just be cool, man. Yeah, you hate watching it. I almost think, too, that there's a certain like a success you have to get to where you can be like i'm cool losing like yeah it happens it actually it reminds me of i think you were telling me once about like salvocano was on some podcasts it's being like just openly admitting like like yo for some reason tickets just aren't moving in san jose whereas like you have to get to a level of success before you can admit that that's where you're like where you're pretending everything's a sellout

and everything's this massive show. You're just being like, yo, I don't know. It's not moving there right now. The confidence and the success you have to have to just be like, yeah, I don't know. It just didn't work tonight.

Early on, you got to do the smoke and mirrors thing. Yeah, right. If I'm five tickets short of a sellout, it's a sellout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From five? What are we talking about? Let's round up.

Yeah, sure's round up. Yeah, sure, round up. 50, 100? 50% full? We'll round up. 50% full, we'll round up. That's how rounding works. It's more than half. All right, let's go to the next one.

What's up, guys? So, a little background. I've had shoulder surgery twice on my left shoulder. And a couple years back I decided to, I woke up one morning and just decided to casually jerk off.

Right? And so, hand behind my head, start going to pound town, just as I get close, shoulder dislocates my head, start going to pound town, right? Just as I get close, shoulder dislocates my head. And my first

instinct was to yell for my mother. What? You're jerking off. Get in here. What, dude? As soon as she was about, I heard the footsteps coming down the hallway and as soon as she was about to walk in, I realized the situation and just yelled, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do not come in here.

So my question for you guys is, what is the most, I guess, ridiculous injury or, yeah, most ridiculous injury you've ever sustained? I can sort of relate, Not the masturbation part. Or jerking off. Dude. I've had the same thing, just not with masturbation. I had. That went way better. I was like, the camera angle was like the full thing.

I was like, this guy's going to take his dick out. There's a lot right here. Ended up being incredible. I, so. Oh, by the way, to answer your other question, I would go two bears. Oh, the Phil in the podcast yeah that's great Bert's mentioned that before

and I think I think that might actually happen yeah that's a possibility oh yeah bad friends with Santino and Bobby Lee would be great oh yeah

who would you want to who would you want to be on with who do you want to fill in for they're both great I love yeah you know i love about santino's he's so comfortable in his own funny and i feel like i can be a bit of a chameleon always like it's never serious he's always clowning he's always coming up with he's always him he's never like i feel like i'm a chameleon and people will rub off on me and i'll adapt santino i love that

he's just him and it's funny and he's confident where he goes i think sometimes being in a I think sometimes being in a chameleon is kind of the way to do it, though. It's like, I don't know. It's like I'm on your show or your thing. But I think I would rather do Bobby Lee because we're both kind of more silly and upbeat and it would just be a frenetic thing. I would definitely rather do Cheeto because last time I spoke to Bobby Lee, I promised him I'd smell his penis. So I never want to see Bobby Lee ever again. I don't know why that happened but he was like my dick smells and John was like I bet you it doesn't. He was like no it does.

And he was like if you're ever here you're going to smell my dick. He was like deal. So if you ever meet Bobby Lee I just never want to see Bobby Lee ever again. Yeah he'll show you his dick. He'll find a way. I was I have had multiple shoulder surgeries too. At one point, I was basically in between surgeries.

So it hadn't been fixed yet. It was loose as fuck. It popped in and out all the time. And I was drunk, came home, and I was playing with a dog. And he was jumping on me and relaying. I did the same thing. I put my arm back and it popped out. And usually, I was at the point where it was so often,

I would put my arm down, I would hold it against my leg, and I could just like pop it back in. Really, it was so loose, it wasn't even really painful, it was just, but this one just

wouldn't go back in. So, but me and my girl at the time, we were like hammered, and I'm like, we have to like call the fucking ambulance or whatever.

So these like paramedics who ever show up, and I'm hammered drunk. I mean, we were like blotto, bleary-eyed. And I was like, hey, fellas. And they were just like, you dumb asshole. But it was stuck. Oh, it was brutal.

But I'd still rather that than my dick in my hand that I'm at my mom's house. So that's the most precarious situation ever. I mean, at that point, you got it. What's the horror situation like at these live shows for y'all? What's that? What's the horror situation like at these live shows for y'all? What's the whore situation like at these live shows for y'all? I don't know how I didn't think of that earlier. I didn't even fucking cross my mind.

I don't know how. I'm a married man. I'm not looking at nobody at my shows. If I was single, I might be out there looking for these silhouettes. We get a surprising amount of girls, but it's very often Our LA show

It actually sounded like More girls brought their boyfriends Yeah We were like Are there any boyfriends Any girlfriends here got dragged And it was like a little Woo

And they were like Are there any boyfriends here got dragged And there was like a louder roar for that A good amount of guys Being like Taking pictures with us Also like Fuck them

Get them out of here Yeah Come with your girls tonight We don't want that Yeah Bring more chicks Yeah You should just find the newest relationships

and then ruin them. That's what we've been doing on the show usually when they ask for help. Where do you live? Every relationship advice we've ever gotten, we're like, ah, just break up with him. Just fucking dump him. No, don't break up with him. Cheat on him.

I'm not looking for anything serious. You keep your boyfriend. No, no. He deserves to be cheated on that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you guys, you know, that's what's really wearing you out is you're not, you know, taking on these sluts. Dude, some of them are.

We've talked about before like the, like, so way back in the day I worked, like when I first started at Barstool, like 2011, I worked on this thing called the Barstool Blackout Tour, which is we would fucking travel the country with like this fucking blackout light set up it's like when edm was hot so we were playing like edm music at all these colleges and people would be like you must be fucking cleaning up out there and and the truth is i wasn't because one uh i drink too much so i always just be like i'm too drunk fuck. I don't give a shit. You prefer drinking to sex, though, right? That's like your thing.

Oh, yeah, big time. Big time. That's right. That's a good thing. It's great. I don't believe. I truly think he's lying to himself, but that's fine. It's just the same thing we talk about.

Dive it into comments. What if it goes bad? It's a severe lack of self-confidence. Drinking never goes bad for me. You know what I wish I knew? And I started to realize this, and I think that's how I got my wife, but if they say no,

it truly means nothing. It means nothing. Are we sure you want to say that? No, no, not in that sense. No, it means nothing about you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Let's clarify that.

There you go. Big time clarification. I was like, whoa, dude. Whoa. Yeah, fuck. No, no, not at all. If they say. I was like, whoa, dude. Whoa. Yeah, fuck. No, not at all. If they say no, you respect their no, and then you move on to someone else because someone else will say yes. Yes.

That is true. The rejection thing is such a – I wish I was – people ask the question, like if you go back and tell your younger self something. I always say I would tell my younger self or tell my son, like, the fear of rejection is the stupidest thing. It will stop you from doing so much shit. But I know it's stupid. But then even a step further of, like, so let's say you get over the fear of rejection and you do it and it goes poorly, but also fuck that. Like you said, like, okay, she said no.

Like, what's the worst that can happen? You're not going to go on that date or you're not going to get the hookup and you just go to the next one. Like, that is a blip. That is a grain of sand in the fucking desert who cares failure is the key to success in anything you do there's nothing you guys had so many shitty podcast episodes early yeah might have had you know other like iterations absolutely you wouldn't have got here if it wasn't for that one minute man was what made me realize that i did one minute man in like 2017 on facebook with like you know a

different setup and a different look and it was it popped on facebook then zuckerberg changed up the algorithm and it wasn't doing as well so i was like all right i'm not doing that anymore waited around kobe came around then it like then it came back and it was like oh at the time i thought of that as a failure by the time it was on instagram i was like that was never a failure that was just kind of waiting like dormant. You know what I mean? By the way, you talk about just changing the algorithm, which isn't what happened. It's just they stopped lying.

Facebook skates for that. They completely fucked the landscape of media by lying. It was like they were just making up the numbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was actually the real one. Every fucking network fired all their writers. Everyone pivoted to video. And then Facebook was like, oh, yeah, my bad.

That wasn't real. None of that was real. That was. That's why, I mean, being on these platforms, it's like, it's going well, but they decided to switch it up. Yeah. You're fucked, right? Yeah.

You just got to find a way to sell tickets at the end of the day. That's where the money goes. For real. That's why it's an audio only tangible thing audio to be fair it's like they're not really lying on numbers for audio because nobody's been thinking about it they were for a while well it depended on who you were like we were with certain networks that like were quadrupling numbers like like we would get numbers back and they'd be like you guys you know this is early on there was like 600 000 downloads and. And I was like, bro, no, we're not. Because we were at the point where no one's recognizing us in the street. No one's doing anything.

I don't have his number, so I can't tell him this directly. But we did an episode with Michael Irvin, my favorite episode ever to this day. He's amazing. He's so much funnier than everybody realizes. He's so much bigger than just football. I watched the whole episode. It's fucking amazing. And I heard his podcast before that on podcast one

and I was like these guys are doing you the biggest disservice the audio quality is not good they don't give a fuck they're not understanding they're like having to talk about X's and O's and you know that but you're way more interesting than X's and O's I hate X's and O's it's the worst

you can get Fugazi with it if you want but yeah wait so where were we But yeah, I mean, you can get Fugazi with it if you want. But yeah. Wait, so where were we? The injury. I've never been injured. I got my ass licked by a dog. That's sick.

That's fire. What was that like? It was like – Put some peanut butter in there? It wasn't actually leaving my ass. It was like – he probably got more balls. Yeah, totally, totally. It was a big fucking big beefy dog. my ass it was like probably he probably got more balls yeah totally totally got you yeah it was a big fucking big beefy dog oh it's huge not like a big like a fat wasn't like a little

like you got like a big lick like it was just like it was like i don't know he thought i was like i get it like i don't know why he licked me instead of bit me like he thought i was like fucking well you know fucking fighting his owner like he didn't really do dogs are perverts man you ever you have a dog with it and you live with a girl they are always up in underwear and always Well, you know, because they like dogs. Fucking fighting his owner. Like, he didn't really. Dude, dogs are perverts, man. You have a dog and you live with a girl, they are always up in underwear and always up in crotches and shit. Dogs love pussy more than guys. It's crazy. But I don't think I've ever suffered an injury.

I once, I've told this story before, but I smashed my girl's mouth. We were, like, kind of switching positions. So she was on top, and I tried to smoothly do a transition. Yeah, I'm not strong enough for that. And I put her down to be on top, and she bounced off the bed, and I wasn't strong enough to kind of prop myself up. So I head-butted her lip. Oh, shit. Bro, the sound it made to this day

haunts me. It sounds like when a watermelon hits the pavement. It was like this squelching smell and I thought for sure she was going to have like no teeth like I mean I rocked her. It hurt my head and it hit her mouth and by the grace of God somehow

it was just her lip and she's starting a job the next day and this thing was one of those like it blew up right away you know sometimes it takes a little while for a bruise to come out or for the swelling to start right away so she was like how did it look and I was like

it's fine and I don't know I swear to God man God was shining down that day we went out actually we went out to like a little wine bar and she just drank, and we had wine and cheese, and she just put an ice cube on it for hours, and it just fucking went away. I mean, it was a little swollen, but I was like, man, somebody was shining down on me that day, because if she was walking into a new job with that lip, because I tried to be fucking Fabio, it would have been a problem, dude.

That's the worst part of those things where you fuck up with your wife. She's going to remember it forever. Yep, yep. I hear about this every six months. Yep, yep. God, dude, this is unbelievable. And it's also a good lesson. Those things you watch on the internet, man, that's not real life.

Don't try to do that shit. Don't try to mimic. Don't try to be like those guys who are professionals. Keep it right here. It's like getting fucking hitched when you're teaching them to dance. You just go side to side. You just keep that. Stay in your wheelhouse, man.

That's good. All right, last one. What do we got? Holiday season is here. That means you got to get your girl some jewelry. It's tried and true. It never fails. Don't get creative.

Holiday season is the proposal season too, right? Yeah, well, there's a lot of guys out there who say, I promise I'll propose by Christmas. Christmas is coming, dude. Yeah, you always push it to deadline day. Who makes a trade fucking a week ahead of the trade deadline? No, you do it at 3.30. 4.59, right at that last minute. Maybe you can even push it until New Year's.

I thought deadline was at 4 o'clock. I thought it was a weird time. I didn't think it was end of business. I thought it was 4 o'clock. I thought it was a weird time. I didn't think it was end of business. I thought it was 4 o'clock. Whatever. I could be wrong. Either way, you got your deadline set. That's what my dad proposes what I'm getting at.

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code Kevin save $50 on your purchase of $500 or more that's BlueNile.com slash code Kevin at checkout for $50 off your purchase of $500 or more. What's up, fellas? So I got a little story leading to a question for you. A couple weeks back, I was on my honeymoon in Jamaica.

Late night, you know, getting it going in bed. I don't know if it was the 9,000 rum runners I had throughout the day, or if I'm really just that fucking stupid, but after I was done, for some odd reason, I stood up on the bed. And when I stood up on the bed, I got absolutely

fucking rocked in the head by a high-speed ceiling fan. Like, I don't know if you've seen it. So not only did I get knocked out for a second, but as I was falling, I was conscious enough to be like, oh, fuck. I'm going to land on my rock-hard dick right now. I sure fucking did.

So, I mean, I'm laying there, like, I think I just broke my dick. Maybe I have a fucking brain bleed. I'm like, if I have to go to a fucking hospital, what the fuck am I going to do? Do they even have hospitals here? Like, I was talking to a local earlier in the day

and he said that doctors prescribe fucking coconuts with lime mixed in them for high blood pressure. I'm like, if I go to a hospital, they don't understand me, you know, sex-related injury. Are they going to tell me to drink a coconut and go home? I'll be fine. So that got me thinking.

I used to think that going to a hospital in my hometown would probably be the fucking worst to go to with a sex-related injury. But now I'm thinking that a different country might be the fucking worst. So I want to hear from you guys you always want to be in a hospital in a first world country that's a I was in Jamaica six months ago thought I was having like a medical issue and for two days was just having a panic attack being like oh my god oh my god oh my god like this I can't even have to go to a hospital here and I just kept waiting it out being like is it

gonna get better it's gonna get better it's gonna get better and we were i flew into nashville because we were there for comedy fest yeah and the moment i landed in america i just everyone everything was better and i was like oh okay there's anxiety about it we're fine but i've had i i've gone to a hospital in the bahamas once with my buddy um uh where he had firstly he's very sick and he just couldn't swallow all this stuff. We were in Harbor Island, which is like a tiny little island in the Bahamas.

There aren't cars on the island. People drive golf carts. It's like a mile long or some shit like that. And he's trying to get better, trying to get better and nothing's happening. And then he reaches his hand

in his bag. We've been drinking all day. Reaches his hand in his bag to get a shirt or whatever. Accidentally hits his razor and slices his wrist hand area open. And because we're all fucking drunk, it's bleeding like a motherfucker. It's just dumping blood. So we get in the fucking golf cart, take him to the hospital or the doctor's office.

Again, it's a tiny lounge. It's not a hospital. Take him to the doctor's office. We're pounding on the door. It's locked. It's like midday. Midday, right? And then a neighbor comes out and they're like, oh, are you looking for the doctor? They're not here today. I'll go get them.

And so they go get... They can't find the doctor. They come back with a nurse. The doctor's delivering the mail, too. They come back with a nurse. The nurse unlocks the door, puts us in one of the operating rooms. Not operating rooms. Fucking whatever you call it.

Waiting room. Not waiting room. The room. Exam rooms. Exam rooms. And so we're sitting there, and he's got towels wrapped around his shit. And bro, at the sink in the fucking exam room is like a red stained towel. And my buddy keeps joking around with me he's like

dude i'm gonna get that i'm gonna fucking rub that all over your face and i was like you shut the fuck up we're drunk i was like you shut the fuck up and sit down and just shut up until the fucking nurse gets here he's like no i'm gonna get that i'm rubbing all over your face and i'm like dude like it's sitting there like we're in a fucking like we're in a mechanic shop and it's just like the oil rag is in there i'm like what the and the nurse finally comes in and she walks right to that towel grabs it and comes to him he's like get the away from me what are you talking about that's the blood right yeah what do you mean the away from you bloody patients i don't know what to tell you it's like get a new towel

that's what i'll tell you and then they have a new towel yeah they had a new towel i guess they i don't know didn't want to do laundry that day. I've been there. Hey, bro, I've used the cum towel after a shower before. Oh, God. Fucking gross. I like that laugh from Pat. Pat's used it too. Because you know the wet

re-energizes it. It re-hydrates the old cum. I don't use my face for that part. Jesus Christ. That old cum, man. That's gross. I'm going to use my face for that part. Jesus Christ. That's vile, dude. And then he had a sore throat. And they were like, oh, we know what it is. And he's like, what is it?

He's like, don't worry. We'll just take care of it. Open your mouth. And they come with this fucking massive needle. And they were going to just inject him with something. And he's like, no! Get me the fuck out of here. So he never ended up getting stitches

he just used just give me butterflies whatever and then he had the and then they they didn't give him the shot either

I wouldn't let anybody and then he just went right back to the beach and started drinking again what ended up being wrong when he went to America what did they do I actually don't even

think anything I think he was just sick like he got over it we were there for a week. Yeah, yeah. It was nothing. Whatever it was, it was nothing serious. You go away, you get fucked up on water or whatever, you know?

But, I mean, the funny thing is you can also go to hospitals in America where doctors don't know what the fuck they're doing. They're like your buddy from high school. And it's like, yo, that guy doesn't know what he's doing either. 100%. But you're almost guaranteed that some shit goes on in some of those other places. At least it's cleaner. You're going to get scarred. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, the thought of breaking your dick is one that, like, I think about if I think about it, it hurts. It's like Rodman broke his dick three times. You break your dick once, shame on me. Break it twice, shame on you. Break your dick three times, bro.

Go to a mental foster. That man, like, you do not deserve to have a dick. You get one dick in this life. You can break it twice you break your dick three times bro go to a mental foster that man like you do not deserve to have a dick you get one dick in this life wow you can break it once i don't know because i think he did pretty well with his dick yeah well that's what i mean though it's like i guess that his dick is is a he told his dick is like a base jumper it's sustained some injuries but it's lived a life you know what i mean it's lived a life but it's a good one now he broke it's a good one. Is that how he broke it one time? The third time, though. The third time? After this man has broke his dick twice, you would think you'd be like, I'm pretty protective of it. He sat on a chair like this, and a girl ran across the room and jumped.

Just tried to jump to land in her. To land in it. And guess what? It didn't work. And it just, he said, oh, he said said he heard a pop and then it just poured blood like out of it oh my god that is like oh i would legit rather like lose a limb than have a and i guess it heals you know it's it's not like it's not a bone obviously but there is like your shoulder where he just like pops it back in the place

i've done this a lot don't worry about it back in a place and wraps it up for a night. Hang on. Don't worry. We're good. I've done this a lot. Don't worry about it. The blood will stop in a couple minutes. Don't worry. But I mean, that's a funny thought though.

That guy standing up like, I just had sex. Boom. Done. Break your head. Break your dick and you're stuck in like Jamaica or something.

God damn. Lesson learned, man. Also, you couldn't just turn. Like it's just a shoulder. You know what I mean? Like you had time time it's a long way down to fall like just flat right yeah i'm very unathletic of this guy who seems to be a

firefighter or something yeah so i assume he's in good shape but like you put your hand like it's a very for your dick to break your fall yeah is either that or your dick is huge. You can't reach your arms out past it. I landed on my head. I feel like it was an avoidable accident. All right, man. You got shows coming up. We're Caroline's Day before you. We're Caroline's Wednesday.

Amazing. We're Caroline's Wednesday, so we'll see you Thursday, Friday. Actually, this is one of the few weekends I am here in New York, so I will definitely be around. Let me know. I got you. My parents are coming, too, so it might be Thursday night, but I will figure out in New York so I will definitely be around let me know I got you my parents are coming too so it might be Thursday night but I will figure out

when they're coming whatever day just let me know I'll make it happen and then you're on the road elsewhere Thursday, Friday, Saturday Caroline's Comedy Club

then I'm done for the rest of the year but January 14th thank you January 14th I'm going to be at the Wilbur Theater nice I take that back

I'm going to be at Arizona State University but not like a college show I was very unexcited and then I found out they're just at the college so Tem to be at Arizona State University, but not like a college show. I was very unexcited, and then I found out they're just at the college. So Tempe, Arizona, Arizona State, December 1st. Then the Wilbur Theater, January 4th.

That's right. Hell yeah. Never. It's my first theater. Dude, the Wilbur's dope. Oh, nice. Congrats, man. Hell yeah.

That's awesome. The Wilbur is a very cool room. It's an awesome scene, so that would be great. If you're in Boston, buy tickets. Let's go. I do think it'll sell out, but I would love to add a second show. Hell yeah. We might add a Sunday show at Caroline's

because there's not that many tickets left. I don't know when this comes out. This will be out tomorrow. Tomorrow. Okay. So yeah, we might be adding a second show, but I would buy just in case

because I don't know that we will. Dope. Yeah. And Flagrant is the podcast and check it all out, man. Thank you, bro. Thank you so much. Thank you very much.

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spit on whoa you're gonna want to hear it let's get into it these bitches from one group of gays to the next yeah pretty much they took our title of the gayest show about at barstool how are you guys what's cracking dude i like that shirt thank you thanks if i invited you to a halloween party this weekend i would have been you would have come in yeah yeah no no one came it's okay why why do you think that is? Thank you. Not. Do you do you think you don't have like fun party vibes? I Disagree, I think I have probably the fun Friday though, which is that been too early into I

Celebrated Halloween five fucking times this year. I was not a week No, I mean I was doing it a totally different way, like not a party way, but like I don't want to have to put the costume on 50 fucking times. Yeah. I also think Friday people are very last minute, so no one probably had their like costume ready. I bought. I'm trying to make.

You're trying. I bought costumes for everybody. Wait, that's sad. That's desperate. That's something I would do, though. I relate so much. How much money do you think you spend total on decorations I already heard not only do you not come to my party you steal my whole fucking thing

god damn he bought everything and then today I saw you say you bought little trophies I bought trophies to give to everybody this was your first attempt no no he's just put that you got to bed alone that night yeah no he's just i did who are the five that showed up um your new best friend uh tommy smokes yeah i mean you're like a gnome oh yeah yeah they're all people who work here i don't have any friends who don't work here whoa wait so did you did you move here for barstool yeah okay from where uh from boston okay but but it's been like six years it's not like but this does feel kind of culty oh yeah oh very much super big time because you guys we actually just spent a whole episode making fun of texas a&m and like it's like a&m and then us yeah we're

yeah but i don't want to be a cult yeah it's just a good habit and sorry but you guys have to like work here during the day right it seems like to work here during the day, right? Kind of. It seems like people are here during the day. And I'm like, why? Oh, and they all just go home. They live together. They go home.

They go out together. It's crazy. They see each other all 24 hours a day. What other things are you interested in? Maybe we need to get you into some kind of hobby. That's a great question. What do you think? And boy, would I love to answer it.

It is actually one of the scenes in television i relate to the most is uh when um not andy bernard what's fucking chris chris pratt chris pratt's character in parts whatever yeah when he's just staring at a window he's like i don't have any passion i don't like anything anymore this is the worst blah blah yeah and that's he's describing depression and but it's also i don't even know i mean yes it's depression but it's also like uh i think it happens usually like in your late 20s where you kind of realize that like you know i remember being like all i do is i go to work this is before i worked here i had a regular job i go to work what was your regular i worked as an accountant

so i went to work your own you do your own taxes? No. No, I am not. I wasn't good at it. That's why I'm here. But I would just go to work and then I would like go to a happy hour and drink and then like go out to dinner that I can't afford and like maybe go on a couple of dates and hopefully get laid and then do it over and over and over again. And you realize like that's just it, you know? And I mean, we got lucky enough to do something cool like this.

But if you don't fall like ass backwards into something you're just kind of like this is why people are so that's why like normie ass people are so stoked for the weekend that's why thank god it's friday as a thing because it's literally like every day is the same and they're like well at least i get to get blacked out this weekend. Yeah, like, at least I get to leave this planet. I get a little taste of suicide. A little, like,

preview. Just a little sip. Coffee's a little hot, but. Two minute preview. I'm not going to watch the movie, just the trailer.

I want to be like, be gone from here forever. Did you, did you ever have like a, thank God it's Friday in your life? No. No, yeah, you never, because you weren't here like from the jump. Yeah. I started here when I was like 21. from here forever. Did you ever have like a thank God it's Friday in your life? No.

No. Yeah. You never because you weren't here like from the jump. Yeah. I started like looking forward to five o'clock and then looking forward to Friday. It's some dreary shit. Yeah. It's some like, oh, man, this sucks.

It is. But there's also something like it's grass is always greener because there's something kind of cool about just being like, fuck this place. I'm just going to like sit here until a certain time or i'm just gonna sit here until a certain day and then collect my check and like fuck you yeah as long as you're doing a job even if you hate it that makes you enough money to be able to like enjoy your weekend you have to you again you're unless you're very very very lucky or super super talented you're not really gonna be like happy at work so you just got to make sure outside of work is fucking awesome yeah spend your money and do all the stupid shit but also that that kind of runs that's where i think it's cool if you have a hobby

or a talent or something like that where it's like what do you do and it's like uh i play in a band with my friends or some shit like that if you don't have that you're just like i don't do anything i used to look down at my parents because i'd be like, these old ass losers, they have no interest. They do not like, they have no hobbies. And now as I'm getting older, I'm like, oh, it's like, it's rare. It's incredibly rare. But it's also so easy to have a hobby. Like you could just hop into some intramural sport.

No, see, no, because I'm not interested. That's the thing. Anybody can have a hobby. What about knitting? Having an interest or being interested in your hobby is the problem and by the way i've tried i remember when i started drawing it's actually a decent drawer yeah but that's an isolated activity yeah i was like i'm gonna do an hour a day i've done an hour of drawing is so much drawing if you draw one picture it takes a lot longer than you think um i would do i went through

a phase i had an hour of drawing i had a phase where i was going to learn the ukulele yeah see these are all solitary i'm trying to get you a hobby to meet social friends oh oh i actually that's a video series i wanted to start yeah wanted adult friends and um i was gonna go do like adult hobbies the problem guess what i just didn't have interest in that you're talking to like you're really trying to crack this case here that I was going to go do like adult hobbies. The problem is what? I just didn't have interest in that. You're talking to like, you're really trying to crack this case here. Yeah.

Like we could put the best in the business on this case. And they'd be like, I don't know. Just go. Are you on antidepressants? Sometimes. Sometimes. When I remember to take them. Yeah.

That's not how those work. I'm also on anti-inflammatories when I remember to take them. Yeah, yeah. That's not how those work, guys. I'm also on anti-inflammatories when I remember to take them. Oh, I think I just got to the age where I'm starting to get some acid reflux. Oh, get the omeprazole, girl. That is,

he's on such a heavy dose of it. Really? That they said, be careful, this level of dosage will lead to dementia. No. I think you would enjoy dementia.

You seem like the type of person who might like that. Wake up every day and you're wiped clean. Please leave. I don't know. Where am I? What's today?

How are we feeling today? Not too bad. All right, let's go. Is that maybe like a redhead thing? Do you think that that might genetically be... First of all, I have blonde hair. No one's ever said that.

Just him. What does it say on your driver's license? Dude, this is blonde-ass hair, dog. No, it's definitely like orangey-red. It's not even red. It's bright orange. You have also a little bit.

My last not true. All right, so you're colorblind. That's cool. On my license, it says blonde because I fill it out myself. It's also why it says I'm 6'2". That's why it says I'm... My license says I'm 89 pounds. 89?

Yeah. No, it says like 120, which is what every woman's... Yeah. Yeah, no one's going a pound above that. But, fuck, what was I gonna... Maybe the acid reflux,

is that like a redheaded thing? Why would that be a thing? I don't know. I think it's more of a my diet is a piece of shit. Oh, okay. Yeah, I think. I don't think it has to do with hair color. I fell asleep in bed last night with pad thai.

So that's where we're at. That. Yummy. I didn't know that one until right now. I didn't tell you intentionally until microphones were in front of us. That is low. I can understand the falling asleep with candy or like a treat. It wasn't in my mouth.

It was just next to me. I pray to God it wasn't in my mouth. It was just next. I, I pray to God. It wasn't in your mouth. You bag of shit. But pad Thai is like a whole, whole thing. Whole thing.

Yeah. I also miss low main, not pad. Oh, well then it's okay. Did you, you ate it in bed? Yeah.

And are you worried about the sauce getting on the sheets? Clearly. I don't think you, Ali, I promise you, I'm not worried about that. So what do you think, John? What's your first impressions of John? Which one's the hot one?

Slim pickings, huh? No, you guys are both attractive in your own way. I think you guys got something to offer. To someone. To someone. Not you. What's your type? Like something like this this guy yeah normally says something yeah something a little quirky

there's something a little goofy about him something like this quirky and goofy let's go yeah i can see that he's like my boyfriend he like um he he he stands like um for those listening you she did one of these little like arm cross like holding a cigarette he has a very feminine like goofy stance like he it pisses me off but it's so goofy he'll like his feet go out like this he He's one of those people. When he's standing, he looks like a little ballerina. All the way, like horizontal? Because I kind of have a little angle.

Yeah, when he walks, it's all angled and pointed out. It's so goofy. And then when he holds a cup, he'll kind of do one of these. Oh, Pinky Owl with the arm holders. He just does these little things. Pinky Owl's classy. Yeah, that's class. Well, that's like, you do that, you're better than everybody else.

He doesn't even realize it, and it's so funny. I'm trying to... Is he affluent? No, not at all. Not at all. No, but he just kind of has that... He just kind of has this weird little feminine quality. Hot, real hot.

Yeah, I like the little... I like the soft voice. Hey, Pabs, how you feeling over there? I don't know how to take this at all. i got called out the other day for how i stand but when i'm always standing i stand like this i do i do the umarelle pose yeah you put your hands by your back a lot i'm a big like old man hands behind my back i like the hands behind the back i get awkward a little bit if i have nothing in my hands when i grab something yeah yeah you gotta hold on to something because when your hands are to your side i just feel like an npc or something i'm just a little bit too like aware of being a human

you know you're just like stand for too long be normal be normal be normal yeah i i have the the the duck feet a little bit yeah and it's when you take a i don't think most people really recognize except for her over here yeah but i think when you take a picture and't think most people really recognize except for her over here yeah but i think when you take a picture and if your legs are out like your knees kind of go in and you just become like it's the worst i have to like completely it feels to me when i when i take a picture i'm like put your feet like in and it feels consciously think that it feel if if i like close my eyes and do it and put my feet straight, and you ask me how far in do you think my feet are,

I think that my feet are pointing at each other. And then I look down, and they're just straight. You do the equivalent of girls sucking it in for a photo. Yours is like, got to keep my feet straight. Like, skis, just put them out there, man. It's because otherwise you just look like, ugh. I noticed myself in the reflection as i was walking over here and my neck sticks out yeah that's so much and that looks disgusting you know what else

i i have like if i'm sitting let's say i'm like sitting uh i don't know if i'm just sitting kind of forward you know like i realize how much my shoulders need to go back to really be standing like you know what i mean yeah like it's not just like oh I need to stand upright it's like I need to like lift my whole body up that's how bad I am yeah the human body is amazing it's also a piece of shit like it can it can create life it can create brain stems

and all this kind of shit just but also can't stand up right and also just like I wake up every day and it's just like you've slept wrong last night so now you hurt your body laid in a different position. I realized something fucked up. I sleep on my stomach with one of my legs lifted up, you know,

like, um, like, uh, like, uh, like, yeah,

yeah, yeah. With my knee up. Yeah. That makes sense. Kind of like a knee up. Yeah. Like,

you know, imagine if I was laying flat, but I was just like this. Right. Yeah. It looks like a, like a marking of a dead body oh oh okay i thought you meant up like no no no no just like yeah so i like that which isn't good for you and i got a scan of my back like i got an x-ray and my spine is literally curving because of that yeah but do you guys believe in the chiropractor i know it's very controversial i i don't not believe in it uh i'm just scared to do it i think i've never done it i think if you go to a real chiropractor and you go consistently there's nothing not real about it

but they're also not they're not going to like fix your wildly injured body but if it's like we're trying to get your muscles out of spasm and we're trying to align a couple things like that's what they do you got to get it we we gotta get a chiropractor in here so we do so i went to this guy i'm so pissed about this i went to this guy because i love that shit i love cracking and all that shit i'm i'm just worried they'll break my neck no they won't it's the best and i went to him and he was great and then he was a comeback and i was like i just never have time it's always a last minute thing or a cancel or an interview whatever was great and then he was a comeback and i was like i just never have time it's always a last minute thing or a cancel or an interview whatever so he and then a couple i did go i posted

about it and a bunch of people from here went and so now he's like i have eight barstool clients so he's like why don't i come to your office and that way you guys can he knows what he's doing he's smart yeah uh and he came the other day and I didn't know. He came the other day? Yes. He didn't even tell you? I think he did DM me and I think I did forget. But like the day of, the day of he didn't tell me. That's fucked up. So I'm like everybody, somebody said like, all right, I'm going to go.

I got, I'm going to go upstairs and get like adjusted. And I was like, excuse me? And they're like, yeah, Tom's here. And I was like, this motherfucker. I was like, I'm the one who's got to get. No, you give me your time slot. That one pissed me off. shit yeah i think i just like being touched well okay see i don't like that oh really you don't like massages nope

i don't like to work because he's gotten one i get massages and chiropractic shit all the time i love all this shit right he he went and he he calls me gay and weird he thinks i'm a strange person because of it i don't a strange person because of it. I don't call you gay because of it. Well, I might add that. But I know you think that massages are a little bit gay because of your experience. Because he went on one on a family vacation. Oh, and you got touched?

In his belly button. He fingered my belly button. They like... Where was the family vacation? Portugal. Yeah. But listen, the whole family went. Kind of like, I'm at 10 o'clock and you're at 11 o'clock. How old were you?

How old am I now? I'm probably about 30. Oh. Yeah, it was later in life. An adult belly button. It was very recent. But afterwards, his dad was like, you know, oh man, that felt great. How was yours?

And he was like, the belly button thing kind of weirded me out. And his dad was like, what are you talking about? Like the belly button thing. That didn't happen to me. So like this guy picked him out and was like that's so do you think that's a redhead thing that's so weird yeah it's really flattering i think i guess a little bit but that's like that's not that i mean it's i'm not i don't want a victim blame or anything but yeah that doesn't it's. Have you ever pushed the wall

of your belly button? I don't know about what happens to girls, but guys get a weird feeling in their dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You almost have to pee, right? Yeah, I don't like that at all. I used to be like, I'll get a massage from a guy. I'll get a massage from a girl. I don't care.

But then with guys, I get very on edge now because I had one where I was like like this feels a little bit questionable getting too close and it probably was normal but because he was a dude and i'm like all men are fucking pigs disgusting they all want sex i was like i don't like this now i only have women touch me if i was a chick a woman could finger me and i'd be like that was a great massage she really knows what she's doing in all spots yeah yeah they there's really no equivalent for the happy ending that and i think that kind of sucks for girls i've always would you would you do that i would do it but i'm also like very prude so part of me thinks i would but then i'd probably chicken out but i

did that would you want that to be a guy or a girl no girl girl yeah women just have even like a more nurturing feel so even if i was getting like fingered by a woman for sure probably finger better probably i don't one time i went to a brothel in tijuana and um all good stories yeah and my guy friends i went with them as uh ari manis and jamar neighbors and they were like we're gonna get a girl if we get a, will you get a girl? And I was like, anything for my boys. We're talking about massages. No, yeah, fucking.

And so I'm like, you know, I've hooked up with women in the past, but I've never gone to a brothel and paid for the nice thing to any ladies out there. If you want to go to a brothel and sleep with a woman, they will give you a discount. Oh, wow. It was like half off. Yeah, it was great. there if you want to go to a brothel and sleep with a woman they will give you a discount oh

yeah it was great but the the girl she's a little demeaning they all pay full price yeah it was nice though because doing charity work here she didn't know what to do and i was like i don't know what to do either and then she just she just kind of like spit on my pussy and it was like just kind of touching it and like it felt like she was cleaning it like there was and was just kind of touching it. It felt like she was cleaning it. Wax on, wax off? Yeah, just kind of rubbing it around. Was she cummed? No, not at all. It was more for the experience.

But I would do it again. How long does it last if you don't cum? Honestly, it just felt... You wait for the guys? Are you guys done yet? There was some... They were playing... There was a tv in the room but it wasn't on any particular channel and then like there was like top 40 hits there was no dj so the music wasn't being curated it was just top 40 hits you went to a fucking courthouse in

tijuana expecting a curated playlist i thought there'd be some d. It was like Adele's Hello playing in the background while I'm getting my pussy spat on. So I would say it lasted for the entirety of the song Hello, at least. Wow, you at least got that. You and Adele will always have that together. You know, it's weird. I feel like if you're a guy and you get a hooker in Tijuana,

you're pretty concerned about the cleanliness of the situation. I don't think so. I think the guys who I was with and you get a hooker in Tijuana, you're pretty concerned about the cleanliness of the situation. I don't think so. I think the guys who I was with who I think have frequented this place, a lot of times they have to get, this is their primary source of income. So they take it very seriously.

I'm imagining you can go to like, yeah, I'm sure there's, I'm picturing one that's like on a dirt road that's just like pay me $5 and I'll fuck you. So this is like a legitimate spot. Yeah, there's i i'm picturing one that's like on a dirt road that's just like pay me five dollars no fuck you so this is like a legitimate spot yeah there's definitely some of them that seem a little more grimy than others yeah so like were you you were you were like they were attractive and it was like clean and all that were you like that's the other funny thing about it is like my guy friend who i was with they were like oh my god like there's so many girls here like i'll take that one or that one or that

one and then i'm looking around and i'm like what like i i had such a hard time finding like a hot one to hook up with and then i had this entire like moral dilemma afterwards i was like am i a bad person i'm like trying to justify it i'm like it's their job i'm paying them for a service i haven't done that but at a strip club where you're like, I don't want to lap dance from you. You feel like you're at the market picking out apples or something. You're testing them out. It's definitely a weird experience. But as a girl, I think you could do whatever you want.

And they'd be like, you're cool. They have seen so much worse than dumb, drunk asshole men. That anything you would do there, they'd probably be a good girl. Yeah, it's so wild, though. I get so prude in those dumb, drunk asshole men. Yeah. Like anything you would do there, they'd probably be a good girl. Yeah. It's so wild though. I get like so prude in those, like I went to a strip club. It doesn't sound like you're that prude.

Yeah. Sounds like you let a Mexican girl spit on your pussy. I don't know if you know what prude means. It's more about like being, like I'm always down for an experience,

but like when I go to a strip club or something, I get very, that's when I start doing the hands behind the back. Because I'm like, I don't know what to do. Everyone's so comfortable with their sexuality there. And I just get very watched from afar.

What I do at strip clubs is I put my pants really far apart. So it makes a wall. Pants wall. So they can't get to my dick. Oh, nice. Why? Because I don't want them to feel my soft dick and I don't get hard from a lap dance. So I'm like, I don't want

this. I think they're probably fine with that. Oh, they're probably fine with it, I imagine. I don't know. I feel like if you're I guess it's like a comic and you're not getting a laugh. I'm sitting here. I'm dancing. I'm working my quads. I'm going to work. I don't want them to

feel bad about themselves. You guys are doing great it's just i've had 17 whiskeys tonight and it ain't happening this is not gonna happen tonight right yeah the um so back to this uh this this the session in the in the in the brothel how did how does that end like you were just like okie dokie like yeah i think like adele's over i think it just ended and then i looked for my friends we all met up and um and then we got street tacos after our indoor tacos and then we yeah we went back home but there was another time i went down with one of my same friends ari and we went to this other brothel that wasn't as good. And my friend Ari says the craziest shit.

We go in. We're sitting at a booth. We're looking around. Not a lot of good, not a lot of hot people around. And this woman sits at our booth, and she has braces. Oh, no. And that has nothing to do with the story, but I feel like it does paint a picture

it absolutely paints a picture and my friend Ari just goes so how many kids do you have and so now she's showing me photos and I'm like oh how cute that one I was like that's the last thing I want from my hooker I actually am proud of her

that she's got braces now things are going well that's that Cardi B shit. Get my teeth fixed and it's on. Yeah. Wait till I get my teeth fixed. I'm towards the top of the prostitute game. Yeah.

And where were you? Tijuana. In Tijuana. Yeah. I got braces now. You know, that's a good, that's a good perspective. Yeah. It'd be way worse if she just had, you know, rocks for teeth.

She's like, I'm doing this to get braces one day. Well, guess what? She's achieved her dream. Yeah yeah i want to go back i need to see the body i mean teeth is the number one thing on a person i think you have like if you have bad teeth you have to do whatever it takes to fix them yeah i had braces for like six years i had to wear headgear at night but i never wore them did you have one that went like this it was neckgear I never wore it I had like everything

how the fuck are you supposed to lay on a pillow I used to try to hook the pillow in between the bar and my cheek you know what I'm talking about now I have to sleep on my back because I'm just an old bag of bones but i used to lay on my stomach yeah and you can't do that with the headgear yeah how did you start laying on your back i really want to i i have like a like i've had surgery on my neck and my back and stuff so it just like i had to i if i

lay on my stomach i'm in like an intense amount of pain i want to get like but but i used to not feel yeah that helps i'd actually do that. Yeah. They seem comfy. You do what? Nothing, never mind. Pregnancy pillow. Wait, you have a pregnancy pillow? No. No, I do not.

Dude. That was, I, you have a pregnancy pillow? She said something else. She said she has a weighted blanket. I said that's what I have. Dude, that's amazing. That's incredible.

I'm not even making fun of you. That's incredible. It's like a C. It's like a huge, yeah. It's almost an O, but it's still a C, but it almost touches. So you just kind of lay in this little fucking thing. It just cocoons you. You're wrapped up, and you can't move.

I'll tell you what. You know what? It's cozy as shit. It's like what widows get when their husband dies. Yeah, man. This feels like it's cuddling me. I'll tell you what it's like. It's like what pregnantows get when their husband dies yeah man i'll tell you what it's like it's like what pregnant women get when they're fucking pregnant that's what it's like but it's comfy as shit and i just lay in it and that for some reason stops or helps yeah i want to get one

of those i used to just like stare at the fucking ceiling laying on your back is the worst yeah but it's actually the you know it's the best for you is it really i think so i think it's like for your spine yeah laying on your on your stomach is like the worst thing you can do and it ages you because you lay on your face yeah sure my face is beautiful you ugly fuck uh i use face moisturizer thank you very much wow is it just like hand lotion it is uh no she's hitting all the final burg like hits. He didn't wash his face for 30 straight years. That's pretty common. Yeah. But I started.

It's always people who don't wash their face who have the nicest skin. It's so annoying. You're playing into his hands. You are really playing into my hand. It's almost like we exchanged texts before you got here. It's bullshit. Yeah. I feel like guys who don't wash their face have the best skin i have a conspiracy as

soon as i started washing my face is when i got acne and that and that's how big acne gets yeah exactly i would agree with that i feel the same about lip balm that's oh see you guys have a weird thing with lip balm no it's it's yes it's mostly guys but there are people in general that believe like it you you, you get addicted to it and you need it more. Well, like chapstick brand chapstick classically makes your lips more chapped. That's like a pretty fun fact. I didn't know that, but I, but I also don't use that cause I'm not trash.

But if you use like an aquaphor or something. What about like the little blue pot, you know, like the Carmex I think it is. Oh, I don't like that. Oh, I love that one. I don't like that. Why don't you like that? I don't know that oh i love that one i don't like that why don't you like that i don't know i don't trust it you trust aquaphor yeah it's just jelly well so is the little thing i'm talking about i don't trust what about just straight up uh vaseline like oh yeah yeah yeah throw it on there but then guys get so weird they're like but then my lips are

shiny it's like oh i don't care about that these guys are oh yeah i don't care if i use it then like my body will like need it all the time i'm like i don't know man when my lips get chapped i put it on and then they're not chapped anymore you fucking weirdos you know what i do is i actually happened this weekend my lips got real chapped and what i did was i said they're a lick it like a fucking fifth grader so you have big red lips i just ripped the skin off oh i love I love doing that. I just bleed constantly. I'm always ripping my lip skin off. Do you bite it and eat it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'll eat it too.

I was actually just doing that a second ago. Like this. But to rip it off and eat it. Well, because I rip it with my teeth and then it falls into my mouth and I'm like, well, it's already in there. At that point, you might as well just give it a little. But to rip it off is absolutely vile and disgusting. Did you used to be a scab eater?

Would you eat your scabs? Heavens no. Oh my God. Did you do that? Well, don't act like you're that far above that. It's in my mouth. Don't shame me. If I had to take it off my knee and put it in my mouth, no.

Yeah, I used to peel off my scabs in elementary school and eat them what dude that's really really gross okay whatever I have a boyfriend he doesn't care I have a boyfriend he stands very feminine he doesn't care

do you ever bite your toenails yeah I've done that with your mouth? what else would I bite? I'm just making sure I want to make sure we're definitely on the same page yeah I love picking my toenails

the only reason you don't is because you can't if you could get your toes to your mouth you would do that shit lift your leg up as far as you can get it I used to be able to pretzel I don't think I can do it anymore. Over the back? Yeah. That's crazy. He can't even get there. Okay, that's pretty good, though.

It's pretty good? Yeah. It's pretty bad, yeah. Listeners at home, she has very low standards. That's not very good at all. But also, I would bite. I mean, if I couldn't get to my toenails, I'd bite my regular nails. I don't bite my nails, either. Oh. I've never been a nail biter. Mr used fucking clippers if i had if i had one like one fucking wish it would be to not

be a nail biter yeah that's how i get acrylics i literally cannot with these i think i would choose those two i think i would just well that's the nice part once it gets to the end and they start kind of falling off then you can peel them off and that's really satisfying but i at least have like four weeks of no i try i i've like i clip like crazy and i put lotions on and all that shit and my nails just get did you ever put like the poison on it yes you did no so my problem now is i don't i don't bite isn't that bad oh the one the one i got was like like it was like um salt almost. It was like very, very vile. My problem now is not that I bite anymore. I don't bite.

I bite a little bit. I used to chew like crazy when I was like a kid. Now I just clip like almost too much. I over clip. You clip. I mean, you got like what? Three pairs of clippers in this one? Yeah.

Like I cannot have my nails be long or if I have like a little thing hanging off. But then I'm like, oh, I got to get that one. Oh, I got to get that one. All of a sudden I'm like hurting myself. Oh, see, I'm the exact opposite i like i have long nails right now and i'm like i'll get it tomorrow oh i could never right they don't look no those are good you got good nails you got great cute you know what the problem is my cuticles and the nails are fine it's the cuticle yeah i agree cuticles because i don't fucking bite them all the time

bro i know i don't bite them either though i just clip them and yeah try to moisturize them and shit is that a tat on there? A little eyeball of something? Yeah. This is my first tattoo. I got it on Friday the 13th. Wow. How old are you? I looked up celebrity tattoos. I saw Miley Cyrus had it, and I said, that works.

Super original. Yeah. And then all of my other tattoo sins have just been last minute looking up celebrity tattoo. Really? Who else have you copied? I think Harry Styles. And then another One Direction member.

I think Louis Tomlinson. You have a Louis One Direction tattoo? Louis Tomlinson has a coffee cup with steaming coffee. And so I got that right here. Is he in the same place as him?

No, I think he might be in a different place that's almost weirder and harry styles has a butterfly a lot of people have butterflies harry has not claimed ownership you know i just look at it for inspo i'm like what could i guess so you have a butterfly here maybe like 11 you have 11 tattoos and none of them are original um i have a smiley face on my butt i didn't look that up from anyone a smiley face on my butt. I didn't look that up from anyone. A smiley face on the full face or just like the full face? And it's like way too thick. Like the person who did it had a heavy hand. It's just like a very thick smiley face on my butt.

Is it colored in like yellow? No, no, no. No color. Just like dot dot smiley and a circle. Yeah. But like very large lines. Is it exposed? Like if you're in like. Yeah. If I were bathing suit. Yeah. You can see it. Yeah. But like very large lines. Then I got a. Is it exposed? Like if you're in like.

Yeah. If I were bathing suit. Yeah. You can see it. Yeah. Interesting. Which one's your favorite? Um.

I want to say none. None. Yeah. I think that's a typical answer for tattoo people. Yeah. I don't like them. That's crazy to me. I hear that so often.

Just like I don't like any of my tattoos. I was. I was tweeting it the other night. I was watching the Jake Paul fight. And I was like. Jake Paul for a rich guy. For a guy who's been rich almost his entire life. Yeah. That's crazy to me. I hear that so often. Just like, I don't like any of my tattoos. I was, I was tweeting it the other night. I was watching the Jake Paul fight and I was like, Jake Paul for a rich guy, for a guy who's been rich almost his entire life. Yeah. That's right.

Has a pretty bad run of tattoos. And so. That's what happens when you start getting them young. You have to kind of follow the trend of whatever your first few are. Yeah. Yeah. And if you're young and you're getting them, your first few are going to be dog shit.

You're not going to know what kind of style you want. It's so hard. Unless you are like getting like a art like a fucking tattoo true tattoo artist you know all these tattoos are gonna fucking suck but they're they're actually like i've often compared it to because i have a couple tattoos myself and i often compare it to like losing your virginity where like the first one you're like it has to mean something yeah and then after that you're like do whatever you want to me i don't i have no respect for myself but your tattoos are like that like i can get down with your tattoos where it's like it's a sour patch kid it's my sad boy logan's or whatever you know it's the people who are like i have

a flaming raven on my it's like you thought about this really hard yeah yeah and like it it's from a piece of art or a book or something and it sucks right if you're just like yeah man one time you know my buddy nick fucking drew one on you know whatever it's like okay that's funny but it's like you thought that this like double-headed dragon was like the one yeah tattoo removal you're gonna get tattoo removal yeah i want to just because it feels like getting a tattoo. There's some pain involved. You're going in for a service. You're less inked up.

It gets... I feel like the ones I've seen, it's almost like, why even bother though? Because you almost have a scar. Has it gotten better than that? I think it's better now. It takes a long time. If you watch the new Always Sunny season,

you can see Mac Max tattoos fading. It's because he's getting them taken off. Interesting. I think right now it's something along the lines of 10 sessions. I'm sure that's not cheap either. I heard it's way more painful. I'm sure they're just burning your... They're just like,

we're going to slowly burn your flesh off over the course of 10 sessions. I know. I love those videos. I haven't seen those. Do you watch 10 sessions. I know. I love those videos. I don't know why I haven't seen those. Do you watch like power washing porn? Yeah. Yeah.

I love cleaning. Maybe I'll be on a new thing. Tattoo removal. Yeah. I like tattoo removal. I like the zits. Yeah. I like the people who clean up hoarders homes for free.

Those are so good. What kind of animal would do that? I don't know. For free. Yeah. I get like why you do it for money but why would you do it for free because this person she's like literally saving a life yeah yeah yeah i i just recently moved and i i was like i'm not a hoarder and then i packed up and i was like i

think i'm a hoarder yeah like and i'm not like you know like these people like literally can't walk around their house it's not like that but like the amount of just shit that I acquired over like five years, I would pack like 10 boxes and the room would look exactly the same. Like I didn't even put it. See, but then the difference is, did you get emotional when you got rid of anything? No. By the end of it, I was throwing away like perfectly good. Awesome.

Yeah. So this is brand new. Get fucking rid of it. I have a friend I was just talking to. She was like, we're talking about cleaning out her closet and like getting rid of stuff and she was saying that when her friend came over to help her clean out her closet she was like getting a mo like she couldn't let it go and i'm like oh that's like a real yeah i mean like i mean on a very surface level there were things like i would find a t-shirt that like we made here at barstool or i

wore like a t-shirt we wore on comedy central then yeah and i kept that like we made here at barstool or i wore like a t-shirt we wore on comedy central then and i kept that like little sentimental things but the problem is some of these people assign sentiment to like yeah no this is like a random dress from like target yeah that's like you're crazy yeah something's wrong that's crazy it's so wild yeah no there's something so much deeper than that like when you when you see it people on tv when they watch the tv they're like how do you let it get like this or when you're like 600 pounds yeah it's like that one i didn't fucking like yeah it's like when i watch my 600 pound life i'm like i see you i could just sit here and eat until i will be shocked if i don't gain 600 pounds i'm like trying to be 689 by the end of your life oh yeah but i watch that show as i'm

eating and like the emotions they're describing i'm like i get it they're like i feel safe when i eat i remember watching one where a guy had a bucket that he put money in and he let it out the window and the delivery guys took the money and put the food in and i was like i absolutely have thought about like a system like that where it's like i don't even have to go down the steps anymore like cool having a little like dumb waiter it's genius yeah no i'm about that i was i was who wrote pretty huh who wrote that uh jackie when she when you were here okay um i i was not i mean like not pretty fat but i was fatter at one point in my life and like one of like there was you were not ever a fat person, but I was fatter at one point in my life. And like one of them, like there was, it was, you were not ever a fat person though, but it was like, I was probably like two 50 and I was sitting outside in a beach chair in

sweatpants in the summer. Oh no. And, and I had no shirt on and it was like, it was gross. It was. And then my best friend just goes, Hey man, come on. When you want me to say it's enough, let me know. Wow. That'll do it. That'll do it. And I like, from then I to say it's enough, let me know. Wow. That'll do it.

That'll do it. And from then, I was like, all right, I got to get it together. This is crazy. You do. Why are you? I'm picturing it's like in the Santa Claus when Scott Calvin is walking around just all fat and in sweatpants. And it's you at the beach.

I had my sweatpants rolled up, though. So I was wearing sweatpants. Wow. So you were at the beach, but you probably didn't know you were going to the beach. No, no. We were just in our backyard. It was in Newport. Oh, God. It was a beach but you were like probably didn't know you were going no no we was in our backyard it was in newport like it was like got it it was a summer you were literally at the sand no no no we're in our backyard but it was like i don't know maybe i felt comfortable in sweatpants well you know he just loses the weight

then when he he he can just be like all right i'm eating nothing but like grilled chicken and i'm jumping who does the stuff here where you eat weird food you do the food stuff i do some of it he's like the king participant. It's not his show. Are they doing it today? But it's basically his show. Do you want to do something? I want to eat something funky.

If they're around. Because every week, it's not always something gross. Oh. But this week, I don't know what it is. If they're here, I would love to try some food.

Last week, we played What's in the Box. And you stick your hand like blindly in a box. And it was me in the box. uh you know you stick your hand like blindly in the box and it was me in the box oh that's fun and i was biting people and it was awesome it was the most fun i've had you had so much fun you were like beaming you were dude they kept the pause i was in the box like two hours it was first it was crazy hot and everyone they kept the pause and be like i'm so sorry like we'll we'll do as fast as we can i was like dude i'm having the

time of my life right now like i don't i'm sucking random fingers i don't give a shit yeah that's fun i just texted now i don't know if he's in the office or not but let's see if he can whip something up usually he has something on deck like in his little house of horrors also if your chiropractor is here in the office today i'm doing a barstool day whatever barstool has to offer i'm'm doing it. What do you, like your neck getting cracked or what? Like all of it. Yeah, I like all of it. I like my back. I'm a big back cracker.

Yeah. I like to crack my own back. I crack my neck a lot. But I can't really do my neck. Like I don't. Oh, right. I'm going to have one right here. Yeah, I can't do that.

If it just naturally goes when I do this, that's cool. When I get up in the morning. I. I actually had a. During quarantine. When everybody was just. Posting every single thing. They did on the internet. I. I had like a run. Of a couple weeks.

Where every morning. I woke up to. And I filmed my neck cracks. Because. I wake up. And I've just been like still. Yeah. And it's just like.

I don't want to do. I want to do my back. I'm going to do an ASMR. I hope it's a good one. We'll see. Okay. You want me to hold the. I'll hold the mic. Yeah. You want to do a lower back. Or middle back. do my back. I'm going to do an ASMR. I hope it's a good one. We'll see. Okay. You want me to hold the mic? Yeah.

Do we do a lower back or middle back? Like middle back. Oh! That's a good one. Oh, baby! Those are some good cracks. Talk dirty to me. I can't do the twist crack anymore.

I kind of do the... Like that. Jesus Christ. You guys are all freaks. Yeah. I can't do any of that. I kind of do the like that Jesus Christ you guys are all freaks yeah I can't do any of that oh I I pity you man

because it feels great oh I'd like to be able to do it I'm scared I'm going to break my own back don't be a pussy oh my god it's like it's like in the office when Pam doesn't want to come out of the elevator

and she's like nope don't want to jump out scared I'll get cut in half that's how I am when I crack my neck I get a little like it goes down my arm and i'm like oh i'm paralyzed for like a split second and then it's gone but the back don't be a pussy i'm going

to a musical tonight i'm gonna go see into the woods because i haven't seen that one that's like mega famous right i don't know i did this i did this thing called broadway roulette it's like this website and they kind of just choose one for you. You pay like 50 bucks or 60 bucks. Oh, that's fun. And then you cancel out like five shows you definitely don't want to see. And the rest they... And then you just get randomly surprised.

Oh, I'm going to see. Every time I've been here, I've been like, this is too overwhelming to figure out how to get... But it's like so... I don't know how to get Broadway tickets it seems like such a big process and ordeal especially if it's like a hot show it's like yeah so I'm like I'll do this because they

have like some hot shows on there I think Into the Woods is a big one maybe I'm wrong I don't know that one I'm quite a Broadway guy again you're playing into my hand um I if it wasn't for the family standing boyfriend I would see you guys just hit that off I'm going to see standing boyfriend I would see you guys are hit dead off I'm going to see

Music Man next week which I'm jacked about that's Hugh Jackman that is is he still is he performing oh that's sick yeah I was looking up

the cast for Into the Woods and they're like I'm going to look up Into the Woods right now I don't know if I know that you saw Hamilton I saw Hamilton I saw Hamilton after

you saw the because I don't like no no because I don't like what's his name we don't support Lin-Manuel. He just irks me. He gives off corny-ass vibes. Yeah.

Ever since his character in House. If you've ever seen the show House, M.D. I used to love that show. He is when House goes. As opposed to the other House. M.D. That's the actual name of the show is House, M.D. I give them their credit.

But he, like later, in one of the show is house md i just i give them their credit um but he uh he like later in one of the later seasons house goes to like a mental hospital or rehab whatever it is and lynn manwell's his roommate and he's just like a rapping annoying guy and i just still see him as that because that's kind of what he still is i can't he has like he has like kind of creepy substitute teacher vibe he wants to be like i the young kids so bad. He's so fucking successful that it's like, whatever, man. Obviously keep doing you. Yeah. But he's very, you know, he insists upon himself. He does

insist. That's a great way to say it. He very much insists. He's very, I'm Lin-Manuel. And also the thing that annoys me the most about Hamilton is that the dude who ended up being the second Hamilton co-wrote the whole show and just gotten just got fucking sucks no credit for it at all it's like got a lot of

it's like congrats to Lin-Manuel he made this amazing show it's like no the guy who waited two years to get to be Hamilton yeah also co-wrote the show that's bullshit is it like a 50-50 thing I don't know because that's bullshit that guy should get a lot of yeah we're calling him that guy for a reason yeah fuck that I would I'd kill I would kill him I would for sure kill him

and like I'd have a real gun and be like whoops I'm bald when you're dead I'm now I thought it was a fake duel I'm exhausted now that's crazy

supposed to shoot in the air did you like you liked it though right I loved it yeah it was dope they're so long though they are long I looked um the run

time and it's like almost three hours yeah you're talking just in general yeah for like that's what they got that intermission right yeah but do they serve food they they there is food yeah they're okay they're concessions i was getting stressed i was like you also get a little um treat is this your first time going i went a while ago i went to see book of mormon with this guy didn't like that yeah i didn't care for it i thought i would really enjoy people thought like the funniest play ever it was not good when i hear that same thing with hamilton hamilton was great but it was also like a bunch of like upper upper class white people being like it's the rap show yeah it's so good it's like all right relax

yeah my pants was like this is the best thing i've ever seen right and i think same thing when you hear people being like this broadway show is so funny and like well who are you you know i mean that was written by matt stone and i know i know that's why i mean that's why i was surprised to hear that it was like not that funny because i was like those guys actually do seem funny to me but other times i'm hearing you know it's like funny it can be a very there's different hilarious broadway show dear evan hansen you haven't seen it so bad it's very no yes i never saw it but i like i saw it i really like the music i was getting very obsessed i like like sad it is it is the story the story itself is not the story of a good person.

Evan Hansen is not a good person. I know. And I think that's the whole thing. He's fighting with that the whole time. No, he's not. He is like, it's like, it's like pity him. He's in a tough spot. Yeah.

He lied about being best friends with the guy who killed himself so we can fuck the kid's sister. Yeah. That's the story of Evan Hansen. That should be on the playbill the story of a guy who pretended to be friend with a suicidal guy who killed himself because he wants to pity fuck is the dead guy's sister whoa that's evan hansen you should do uh broadway reviews that's a great review whenever we go whenever i go i talk about it's just not enough of them to like do them like every but that's i didn't know that at all yeah fuck evan hansen how about fuck evan hansen i

would have done the same damn thing as long as you had a hot brother yeah of course i feel like we were best friends let me fuck for your brother my brother would want it this way yeah he talks about it all the time before he died his dying wish as a matter of fact yeah

it was in the note that I wrote I mean your brother wrote yeah by the way the note Evan Hansen wrote to himself oh my god

it's not the brother's note it's his fucking note this guy is a sociopath yeah it's truly sociopathic that's why girls are into it we've decided we are you into true crime and all that's why girls are into it we've decided uh we are you into true crime and all that shit yeah of course yeah no we're done with that you guys

are no longer you guys are no i'm actually okay with the true crime i'm done with like the full-blown obsession girls have with horrible like cannibals and shit it's not it's not normal it's and we just kind of like it's a funny like he was so hot he was so dangerous he was so edgy it's like you're glorifying one of the worst people to ever walk i'm getting upset because now that the dommer shows out and everyone's been loving the show and now everyone's obsessed with dommer i thought you were an og i was an og i thought he was hot back in the day and now everyone's on the jeffrey dommer bandwagon but there was it was only a short amount of time that he was hot those mug shots where he's like skinny and tall looking but my

my boyfriend was just telling me that people are like putting like flowers and like bras on the dad's like front lawn but i'm like why are women he was gay yeah yeah he was a gay man yeah yeah but even fuck you if he talks real quick he's not just playing hard to get he's definitely not interested i read it is yeah his dad is just uh chilling his dad's like 96 years old really that guy i while uh part of me says taxidermy in the garage with your baby boy stuffing dead raccoons big red flag probably should have stopped yeah you know and while there was at least according to that show there was many stops along the way where it was like you probably should have you know at least you had a hobby yeah i'd kill for that literally uh many red flags along the way where you should have said

you know like if you see something say something that all aside i feel very bad for that guy i i feel incredibly bad you have a kid and it's like oh that's got to be crazy i want to show about the stories of the family members of like terrible tragedy like the episodes that followed him i thought were like the the the best part it's also it's such a casting thing yeah i love that guy it's the guy from stepbrothers and he's the guy from whatever else he's in but like he's the man but i also that movie that show made me pity dommer and also feel happy for myself it's it's no it's there's a lot of parts where i don't feel that way and a lot of parts i'm like what a piece of shit blah blah blah but the the scene when they they caught fish and he squeezes fish guts for the first time and he feels like oh shit i'm horny yeah i'm like thank god i don't feel that i know

like it's not like he chose that he just he was squeezing fish guts it was like whoa i'm horny oh my peepee's tingling oh no imagine that this is gonna be a problem like shit dude fucking raw organs turn me on yeah that sucks sucks and then same thing with your dad like you know if you're like i got the serial killer kid yeah fuck i can totally understand where they just look past everything because like you don't want to admit it you know yeah parents do that shit all the time with like little things let alone like what would you do what would you do if you had a kid who was like big into cosplay would you be stoked for them because now they have this big community or would part of you be like i wish you were like a bully like i wish i think that caught i think that if you asked me this question like 20 years ago

i'd be i'd get what you're saying i think now that community is like the the cool community they took over the nerds like you know you go to comic-con and you go to these yeah but they still get beat up they still get beat up but i also feel like there's like my kid throw hands a little bit yeah come on dude that kid's being lame as fuck hit him in the face but if you're like a marvel fan and a comic fan and game of thrones all that shit like you're not like that big of a nerd yeah that's true but as we've met in the middle is what happened yes it's like it's like the bullies came down a little bit and they got a little bit tougher but it was just like it's like all right it's not completely like there are human elements now to

nerd stuff like also we're talking about thrones we're talking about marvel like there are human elements to these heroes young kids are super into anime now well that's where i was gonna say see then you go a little bit further to the anime and i still think then you're a weirdo i i tried to do the anime actually i think it was airbender yeah there's there's one on netflix i tried and i was just like it's the greatest thing you'll ever watch i can't get into it no no i'd like to be able to so i'd be cool but no i'm not like super into cartoon i'll watch like you know i watch big mouth i thought it was hilarious and yeah the cartoon has to be based in reality with like like i feel like the airbender yeah yeah of course no i do get it that actually

is very like real but i i can watch those and be like this is very funny but i just won't like watch it every week or whatever i don't like watch the whole thing yeah i can watch those and be like, this is very funny, but I just won't watch it every week or whatever. I don't watch the whole thing. I can watch an episode of Big Mouth and those, and I'm like, these are actually objectively very funny and well-written, but it's a cartoon. I just don't. Once Netflix asked me, are you still watching?

I was like, you're right. No. Thanks for reminding me. What's up with you? What are you doing? I'm in town. I'm doing New york comedy fest november 10th at the new york comedy club in the east village so that should be fun we we uh

brilliantly uh scheduled a west coast trip during the new york comedy festival no i think what happened was we we kind of started doing the live podcast and doing more uh interviews with comics kind of like in pandemic times like a little bit before that but then like through the pandemic and the new york comedy festival sucked during the pandemic and i was kind of like this isn't really a thing we don't need to like worry about this like let's just if we have good dates and good venues let's just go and now it sounds like the comedy festival is back a little bit and i'm like yeah i know it seems like every i mean the lineup for it is insane there's so many people everyone's gonna

be out here we'll be here because like like last year it was like we we we got like a couple interviews and i was like this is not that great but that's kind of nice because i feel like there's going to be so many people here doing shows like not that it would be hard for you guys to compete but even for i'm like there's just so why why would anyone come to my show yeah yes there's so many shows but also this show is like let's have the comics on our show that's nice yeah so we are not going to be here during that yeah and that's so proper and so fitting for our show yeah staggering but then you'll get the great people who didn't want to come. Yeah.

They're better than all the Phoenix comedians. Hey, there's some good Phoenix Phoenix comics. If you need Rex. Yeah. I got funny friends out there who are not in the New York Comedy Festival. We're not in the New York Comedy. Please let me know. We'll be in Denver, Phoenix and L.A. that week.

Well, anyone who's here who hasn't made the fucked up choice of going to Phoenix during New York Comedy Fest, please come to my show. What are the dates? November 10th, 8 p.m. New York Comedy Club

in the East Village. Okay, cool. Yeah. So, yeah, I just found out that I don't get paid at all if it's not sold out. So I'm really

cool. Yeah. All right. Everybody else, even if even if you can't come that night, just throw'm really at wall. Yeah. All right. Everybody has, even if, even if you can't come that night, just throw her a few bones. That's fucking bullshit.

Yeah. I, we kind of found that out. We had like a percentage thing, you know, you get 80% if you sell this much,

70%. And we were like five tickets away from getting the full percentage or like 80% instead of 70%. Yeah. And I didn't know that. So we were like at 250 out of 260 or something like that whatever the number was and i was like all right we're good

like we basically sold out like i'm not gonna like keep hammering this the day of yeah and then it was like thousands of dollars of difference because we didn't get that yeah and i was like if i had known i would have just bought five tickets myself and made the fucking extra money yes bullshit man that's actually not a bad idea yeah i'm gonna tell my mom and my sisters if if it gets close to the day i'm like just buy the tickets i'll be my christmas present or something yeah buy everybody buy 10 tickets and i'll give you the money back when i make you know an extra five yeah whatever but it'll be fun i think i'm i told a little sass that he could hop on and do a sass. So trying to get that barstool push. Yeah.

Oh, if you're a sass fan. Yeah. When did you link up with sass? Um, you know, for a little, I mean, I met him at, uh, I think I met him at moon tower comedy festival in Austin, or maybe we had met here when I was at the stand. We had met like in passing, but then at moon tower we got to like really hang out and um i love him he's so he's so fun yeah he's a funny guy yeah um what else you got going besides the show are you doing any like uh doing absolutely nothing hell yeah yeah

i'm just doing my show i might hop on i heard you you said that you you you were finished with your podcast because it was too tiring yeah i'm over it over it. I fucking love it. I'm over it. So many people. It's so goddamn tiring. I noticed I was like doing it for the wrong reasons. I was doing it either to like just keep making money, which isn't the wrong reason, but it's not like. That's the only reason we do this show. Yeah, I mean, but it wasn't even,

at a certain point I wasn't making, I was putting in more money than I was making. And I was like, I shouldn't be dipping into savings to keep this going and to just like say that I have a podcast but I'm going to be coming out with something a little bit different. What's that? It's a surprise.

You're ready to disclose? Yeah. Like an audio video product? It'll be a video situation but it won't be like the classic format of podcasting. Cool. I think that's a smart move I think. I just need to change. People ask me what should i do to start a podcast i'm like step one don't start a podcast yeah like unless you are really already famous or like supremely talented it's too crowded of a space like start with videos start with social media short-form video whatever because

doing a podcast now it's like people i already have like my you know like five podcasts that I like because there's only so many hours you can listen, you know? Or if there's something that you like are so passionate about that you could talk about every single week and you wouldn't get sick of it. That was the thing. I'm like, oh, I'm doing this thing for an hour. Just no format, no structure. I'm, this is my energy at all times so if i'm not like super interested in something i'm talking about like it's just the passion is not there for me i can see that yeah so i'm like i need something short sweet exciting fun what is what is exciting for for ali mac i like talking

to people i like talking to people who are interested say you win the like powerball 1.2 billion how would you react um i feel like you'd be like i won the bill i won it i would know i would be i'd be stoked but i would make the mistake of telling too many people it would be kind of like your halloween party like i would just tell too many people and then i'd realize it was maybe a mistake never mind guys i was joking yeah i would tell nobody about that shit man oh i would tell everyone and everyone would be like can i have like a million? I'd be like, absolutely.

And then by the end of the day. You would be one of those guys. I would be broke. I'd have two jet skis sitting on my front lawn. And that would be all I have to show for winning a billion dollars. Oh, yeah. I'd definitely get a boat. I would definitely get a boat.

Boats and horses. All the big money dumps. Yeah. By a jet. Yeah. You've done a couple of appearances on Rogan, right? Two, yeah. So, yeah.

Was that like career changing for you at that point? Yeah, definitely. I wasn't sure if it still is like the... Yeah, no, it definitely is. Because he has... I mean, so many people listen to that podcast. And so I just... And anytime like Rogan co-signed something like people really trust him

and like listen to him and it's weird because he does a lot of interviews with comedians and entertainers and stuff but i think you either a can tell that he's pretty still genuine in his co-signs or it's like you can tell which co-signs are kind of real ones and which ones are like you're doing this and that's cool yeah definitely you know like i actually like this you know yeah i i remember like the first time i did the podcast i was freaking out because it's such a big deal like you know that so many people are gonna listen to you're just like i hope i don't say something super like and you have like three and a half hours to like so inevitably you will say something stupid um but my sister's baby shower was the day that it was being released and i was like i can't be on my phone the whole time

at her or it was like her wedding shower or something i'd be like listen bitch yeah so i put my phone in the other room during the the shower and then when i checked it it was insane it was wildly overwhelmed yeah and it was so nice because then when i got it, it was insane. It was wildly overwhelmed. Yeah. And it was so nice because then when I got to do shows on the road, like so many people would come and be like, I heard you on Rogan's podcast. Like, it was so cool to see you in person. It's great, man.

So it's really helpful. Yeah. I mean, it really does make a difference because like without that, I'm sure like it would take so much longer for people to find me. And it's just hitting like the turbo button. Yeah, a little bit. Accelerates the whole thing. Yeah. All right, cool. cool well everybody get tickets uh november 10th yeah your comedy club yes yes it's gonna be fun you want to go do uh answer the internet it's a youtube video yeah let's do it

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