KFC Radio - America's Dad Bob Saget Returns, AITA Dating my Exes Dad, and Quarantine Silver Linings

Episode Date: April 23, 2020

Don't forget to subscribe, Rate 5 stars, and leave a review! We kick off the episode talking about Gronk returning to the NFL to go to the Bucs and how Feits is reacting to that. Feits recaps the Bruins rewatch of Game 7 of the 2011 Stanley Cup. AITA includes a woman who might be the biggest a**hole on the planet and a therapist who was caught pooping while on the phone with a patient. Voicemails include: Do you know your best friends penis sizes? Quarantine Silver linings, and Beat the Clock BJs. Bob Saget returns to the show. Feits tries his hardest to weird Bob out and succeeds, we discuss Bob's new podcast where he free associates and calls fans, and much more.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. It's your boy KFC along with Fights, rocking that Tampa Bay Gronkoneer shirt. Tampa Bay Gronkonatriots, Bruckonatriots. Let's go. The biggest super fans in the world of two fucking teams

cannot even begin to describe how much I hate your fan base right now. I know, Kevin. Look, Kevinvin i root for your teams okay i want you to experience sports happiness i wish we were destroyed right now so you could have a great stop i truly i'm like not even kidding i truly wish there was something you could like be like ah fuck you guys and it would mean something but it's like i think i just did a whole post on it and it's just the new england patriots were unprecedented what they've done and they did was unprecedented of course the end is going to be a little unprecedented too it's going to be something weird six months ago three months ago i completely agree with you you can't and it's not

having two teams but it's it's like if they went to the jetsets, guess what? I don't like Brady and Gronk anymore. They went to the Buccaneers, a team no one fucking cares about. They brought some relevance to a team that no one – that many people didn't know existed if it wasn't for a creamsicle jersey. You wouldn't even know that was a team unless it was to laugh at. So it's not like, oh, how dare they go to those guys. There's just – I don't know. It's just nothing I can be mad about.

I get it all. I know. I mean, I don't know, it's just nothing I can be mad about. I get it all. I know. I mean, I get that too. It's just that it's like, then what is the point of sports? I don't know what that means. The point of sports is- If you get to a point where you win so much that you just, like, don't feel anything anymore, then it really is like it's too much winning.

It ruins sports. I mean, I wrote that blog five years ago. I wrote that blog two Super Bowls ago, that the Patriots broke the NFL. The Patriots made the first game I care about in the NFL season was the AFC championship. Everything else was like, fuck it. Who gives a shit? We'll be there.

And it's actually – But to not fear one way or the other, like I get if you are not mad at Gronk and Brady, but then you should be feeling something towards your own team. Why? Because it's like – I don't know. If your team is bad, will you change your mind at all? If Jason –

If it's garbage, but if your teammates suck, then it will be like, yeah, that was fucking stupid. You guys were idiots. But I don't think they're going to suck. I think they're both going to be good football teams. I think the paper might be better. I guess that're both going to be good football teams. I think the Patriots might be better. I guess that's the difference. It's like people are comparing it.

They were like, were the Bulls fans mad? It's like, well, first of all, if Michael Jordan went and played for, like, the Miami Heat the next season, it would have been a little different. He retired. Talking about, like, the first time. And if he, like – and if he did i think people would be really mad at jerry kraus like no matter the bulls fans had six rings and they were furious with jerry kraus for breaking it up so one way or another there should be like some feelings it

shouldn't just be like i'm good with all this because either when you like the teams who are like oh i hate that player like these two players gave me and New England absolutely everything they had. Yeah, I don't want you to hate them. You don't have to hate them. You can't hate – but, like, I also can't get mad at Belichick doing what Belichick's done for 20 years, which has always been the right move. Like, if it turns out poorly, maybe the reaction will be different. But I think we'll be fine.

The Patriots, I bet the Patriots are rebounded this year. I bet they're rebounded. I bet the Patriots are right back to being the Patriot ways very, very quickly. Because this is what Belichick's done. It's what he's always done. You cut ties with an older guy who the fan base loves. This isn't the first time someone's left the Patriots, and we've continued rooting for them.

When you bring them too much success, it's like I can't be mad at you. People are like, go Lamin Dole on the Dolphins. Go Brian Flores on the fucking Miami – I'm not on the Dolphins, on the Lions. Go Brian Flores on the Dolphins in our division. Go fucking Rabel on the Titans. Like everyone's like, hey, look, you did what you came here to do. So I can't be mad at you going elsewhere to get a paycheck now. Yeah, and like I think that Belichick's been able to do so i can't be mad at you going elsewhere to get a paycheck now yeah and like

i think that that bill check's been able to do that all these years because of the luxury of brady i don't think you can just do to brady what you've done to other people i think that's like grossly discounting what tom brady is like that's what bill does he just cuts people like a little bit ahead of their time it's like well yeah you can do that when you have the guy who can turn anything into gold now when he's gone and you've done that to you have the guy who can turn anything into gold. Now when he's gone and you've done that to him, I don't think that's going to be the same. And I guess like if you're just – what Patriots fans are doing is like the mature thing. If it's like let's wait and see, and if they're bad, then we'll react,

and I'm not going to get emotional in the moment, or I'm not going to fault anybody for making their decisions. Yes, none of us should be sports fans, really. Sports fandom is irrational. It's stupid. It's immature. All that. You're being level-headed here. That's how sports rooting is. But we're being irrational by being rational. You're right. That's the way everyone always reacts. We're reacting different. We're reacting in a way no one's ever seen. That makes it irrational.

I guess, yeah. But I just don't necessarily buy that this is totally unprecedented because I feel like there have been other dynasties. There have been other greatness. There has been shit where someone's unceremoniously left or there's been drama.

When Jordan left, I don't know. You'll have to tell me. When Jordan went to the Wizards, were people furious? That was like a couple of years ago. You gave us what you gave us. He was gone for years. How long was he gone for? I don't know, 90. He retired in 98.

I don't know. I mean, it was not like the next season. If Tom Brady retired for a couple of years and then came back to the Bucs, it would be totally different. I mean, it doesn't feel that – like I said, I didn't remember. 1998, he came back in 2002. Okay, so yeah, that's a long time. But it's the – I don't know.

I don't know. That does make – 2001, okay. But it's like – I think you keep saying like sports are being irrational. I think sports are just feeling what you feel. I'm not going to tell you what to feel. I'm just saying that the way you're reacting, it changes all of sports. Like it's like when you're on top.

The Patriots changed sports. The Patriots changed sports. They did. Sure. But they don't change the, inherent foundation of sports fandom. And if they did, then that's – Then that's like – All right, fine.

That fucking sucks then. That's like being a Bulls, Lakers, Cowboys, Duke fan. You can say, okay, do that, but that sucks. No, it's not because it's not – People aren't going to keep rooting for the Bucs in five years. They're going to root for the – I hope the Bucs do well on top of the volunteer. I'm not saying it's a direct correlation.

I'm saying that you have every right to do what you want to do as a fan. But there are certain things over the past, I don't know, hundred years of being a sports fan that we've shamed and made fun of. Rooting for two teams, it's not really allowed. Not caring when you lose your Hall of Famers is just like, well, wait a minute, what? Like, you've been – like, everybody in New England's entire personnel – I mean, not caring when you lost the football game.

It's not being the winner who can't be – like, who can't get knocked down. And then when you get – it's like what Dave does. It's like when they – when we're on the rundown and he loses and he's like, ah, well, I don't care. It's on to the next thing. It's like, well, then what do we even spend all of our time arguing about for when things finally go bad for you if you're just going to be like, eh, I don't really care.

And you're entitled to do it. I can tell. I feel really bad that you don't get to be happy. But it's like, it's just the way, like, yeah, it's whatever. It's good to be happy. Huh? I'm happy. It's just weird that you're not upset.

But I know, like, you want us to be upset. You're saying like it sucks when dave's not like all right well we'll be fine i don't know kevin i guess there's no point in it it's it's just like and it's just like i'm not gonna watch sports anymore because it's just like well if everybody like dumped on me like the people who lose and everybody praises the guys who win, and then when it switches, it was just like, well, nobody cares. It's like, what are we going to do? I mean, we haven't lost. We haven't lost yet.

I don't know what you're going to do. If you're going to be – If the Patriots go 2-14 next year, you can dump on me, and maybe things will be different. I don't think it's going to happen. Yeah, but I guess that's – you know, you could always be like, let's wait and see. It's like, why react after a week two loss? let's find out where we are week 17 yeah I know

in the moment for our feelings we that's not new for us I mean I feel like I've always been that way like well let's see what that I I said that with I mean what was it three years ago when I went nuts on ruins fans like this isn't going to get you past Tampa like how the fuck do you know let's see maybe this does get us past Tampa. Like, how the fuck do you know? Let's see. Maybe this does get us past Tampa. We didn't even play Tampa that year. So it's like, I've always been a wait and see guy.

You are a little more volatile, a little more reactionary. You're like, we're going to get Steve Cohen and it's the greatest thing. And then it breaks your heart again. You should try this way. Yeah, I would love to be that way. I would love to not do any of this. But it's also just like not, like, wait and see is just like, I would rather not even that way. I would love to not do any of this. But it's also just like not – like wait and see is just like I would rather not even watch sports. It's pointless.

I disagree. Wait and see has worked out amazingly for me. Yeah, I know. I mean all of it works out amazingly when you just don't get emotional. I get emotional when we win. We win most of the time. It's like, yeah, when my team's good, I'm happy. And when they're bad or something goes wrong for us, I don't really care.

When you win a championship every year, you go, oh, well, wait. We'll see. It's like it's – I cannot imagine ever not caring about this. We're Silver Spoon kids. We are – what's the kid who was – what's the fucking word that begins with an A? The kid who, like, killed someone drunk driving and the judge found him. He was – fuck, what's the – affluence. He an A? The kid who killed someone drunk driving and the judge found him. He was... Fuck, what's the...

Affluence. He had too much affluence. And that's why he didn't have to go to jail. We're that kid. We have too much affluence. And it sucks for you. I'm sure. It's weird.

But we're going to be fine. We'll be okay. The Patriots will probably be good. The Bruins will probably win the Stanley Cup. The Celtics are going to go on a fucking great run. We'll be all right. Yeah, I guess. I just, I could never imagine being like,

like to just to chalk this up to like, Tom did what he needed to do. Gronk did what he needed to do. And it's like, it's not that. And I guarantee there's bad blood with those guys. I'm sure they would be weirded out by how the fans are reacting. Because I'm sure Tom Brady's like,

fuck the Patriots, and Gronk's definitely like, fuck Bill Belichick. They're mad at Bill Belichick. Basically, Pat's fans are now like, Bill's guy. You're backing Bill because he's still on your team, and those guys are down in Tampa Bay and being like, fuck Bill Belichick.

And you're just like, no, I like all of them. I don't think they're like, fuck Bill Belichick. I think they just like, no, I like all of them. I don't think they're like, fuck Bill Belichick. I think they're like, look, we had the – I don't think – I think they're like, look, I love what they did for me. I mean, they've both given glowing fucking public statements about each other. It's just sometimes a relationship ends. Sometimes you're like, look, this was great. This was a perfect symbiotic relationship.

This business transaction we had with these players was flawless. And now it's gone to something else. It's relationship. It doesn't work out. And to me, that's how this has happened. Do you think Brady wants the Patriots to be good? Yeah. That's crazy.

I think he wants to beat them in the Super Bowl. But I think he wants them to go 0-16 next year. He wants to beat them 100-0. I think there's a lot of players on the team he loves, and he wants to see them do well. But I think if they want to beat the field, Tom Brady wants to beat them 100-0. I think every competitive freak would love to be like, yeah, you guys suck without me.

It's me. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if it sucks. Maybe he doesn't. I know Tom Brady wants to beat them absolutely by a billion points. And if he wants to look at the sideline, he wants to do his fucking slow point at the sideline. Tom Brady wants to smoke them. I don't

know. I can't get in his head about that one. Maybe he wants them to go 116. He definitely doesn't want them to fucking be 14-2, but I don't think he wants them to be a disaster either but he wants to make he wants to beat the shit out of him he wants the absolute worst for them maybe and i think like definitely wants the worst for bill belichick maybe and if he does that's fine with me too maybe he can want that i don't want it but he can want it that's that's sure but that's where that's where it comes down to is like when like that's where it's always like there's a line in the sand with sports.

If someone wants to motherfuck Bill Belichick, you should be like, well, then motherfuck you. I mean, maybe. I don't know. I guess so. I don't feel that way. I mean, yeah, sure. Tommy, one of the pages would be bad. Okay.

It's just no fun. I wouldn't even. I know. I know. I know. I want to give you fun, and I the Patriots is bad. Okay. It's just no fun. I wouldn't even – I know. I know. I know. I want to give you fun, and I can't, and I'm sorry. No, you're not getting it. I'm having fun.

I want you to. This sounds so boring. So boring. I assure you it's not. Look at this. I apologize for it. Everything you're saying is like being a front runner, where it's like, yeah, man, it's great. I root for teams when they win, and then when they don't, it doesn't affect me at all.

And we as sports fans have been like, fuck that forever. I'm not being a frontrunner. I'm rooting for my team. No, but you're acting. That's what frontrunners are like. They're just like, when it's good, I'm happy. When it's bad, it doesn't affect me. And trust me, bro, it's great.

It's like, yeah, I know it's great. It's not like when it's bad, it's like, oh, who cares about the it's like i don't we're not gonna be bad like you're you that's i feel like that's the point you're missing they're not gonna be bad yeah i guess i i think they will be and i wonder if if that happens would you change your tune or i bet you you would just be like well we had a good run and it doesn't matter that we're bad this year too if we'll be because we'll be good next year so if if if you're bad for the next three years, will you care then? If we're bad the next three years, then we're going to take Bill Belichick. What will it take for you to be like, oh, my God, we fucked this up.

I'm mad at Bill Belichick or I'm mad at Tom Brady. What will it take for you to be like, oh, my God. Two years of no playoffs, no relevance. All right. If I agree, if it's not like, all right, we're back, then it's like, well, Bill, you fucked this up. Yeah, all right. We'll agree if it's not like all right we're back then it's like well bill you fucked us up yeah all right we'll talk in three years then until then no sports talk is worth it plus we'll uh what we're not we're not the highest we don't talk the most sports in the

world anyway yeah we're good we're good uh plus in the meantime you'll probably uh win a stanley cup which that's been a little bit of a drought right i mean nine years since the last one yeah we lost we were in it seven years ago what's that oh yeah yeah yeah you're in it but you know that feels like way longer or or no it it doesn't feel longer than it was what am i trying to say if it feels like the bruins won the Stanley Cup sooner than nine years ago. Right. And that was also to tie in the Patriots again.

When the Patriots were bad, it never felt – because the Bruins are good every year. It's just they weren't in the Cup. They're always in the top five in the NHL. They're always relevant. So it feels like they were always right there. Yeah. Red Sox would win and then be fucking awful, win and be awful. The Bru they were always right there yeah yeah like the red sox would win and

then be fucking awful win and be awful the bruins have always been there so i'm stunned to find out that they haven't won one in nearly a decade yeah but uh they did the uh what did they even call that something last night it was just like live stream it was the locker room experience i think or something like that it What it was was revolutionary. Honestly, I don't know whose idea this was. I'm mad I didn't come up with it. It's also weird we've gotten to that stage of like...

We do have such a reach at Barstool and we can pretty much put together anything we want to. This should have been us. Anything in marketing or anything, I'm like, fuck, that was genius. Son of a bitch. And I don't know if this was the Bruins' idea.

I don't know if this was the NHL's idea. I'd imagine it was the Bruins because if it was the NHL, why would you do it with a more recent team? Right, right. Or, well, it might depend on, like, which – I don't know. If you look back over the last 10 years, maybe they picked, like, this locker room had the closest guys.

We can get the most guys to do this. They are the most personalities. So they all got – The whole team. Like, everybody came back for a Zoom. Tim Thomas was there. Tim Thomas ran away to a bunker in Denver. He was – he made the American Hockey Hall of Fame this year,

which I believe was in Washington, or at least his ceremony was in Washington. The Bruins happened to be playing the Capitals that weekend, so Tank went to the game and got his introduction. He said, he's like, this is my first time seeing most of these guys since the Cup run. This is the first time he's seen

humans, probably. Dude, I can't believe he allows Wi-Fi in his house. I figured the radiation would be bad. I can't believe he allows Wi-Fi in his house. I figured the radiation would be bad. I can't believe he lets WIP cams in his house. And microphones. I'm sure everything, the tale of that has been greatly exaggerated. But as the tale goes, I'm shocked any of that is allowed in Tim Thomas' house. He's like the Unabomber, as far as I'm concerned. It was – and it was – it was this – and so the Bruins are –

the Bruins – I've always said the Bruins are my number one team. And they're – they were like – that's who I grew up. The Patriots, I was probably like eight, maybe ten, when I like really started to pay attention. And I didn't fall in love with them until Brady, which is why this makes it even weirder. Like it's Brady and the Patriots were completely matched how do i decide it's a mom and a dad splitting up we're like i love you guys like you're right um but the uh the uh the bruins are always been like my and so i am i am biased with what you said earlier about the locker room.

This is the greatest locker room I've ever seen in my entire life. This cup run was so fucking perfect with the way it ended against Vancouver. It was perfectly white collar versus blue collar. Prep school versus private school. It was the bullies versus the skill guys. It was public school. It was like the bullies versus the fucking the skill guys. It was beautiful. And like the fucking punks in Vancouver, they were biting. They were cheap shots.

Bergeron said last night he still has a fucking scar from that bite. They were like... The McFoyle twins. What are their names? The Sedan sisters? Those guys fucking suck. I hate those guys. Suck those guys.

And like everybody gets together on a zoom and watches the game and they get absolutely shit faced. And I'm sure they were around a little screwball whiskey. Cause that is the number one whiskey right now. If you're trying to kick back, have a good time, sip on some whiskey with a little bit of sweetness, a little bit of flavor, and enjoy it. It doesn't have a harsh bite.

It's not going to put hair on your chest. It's smooth. It's enjoyable because it's got a little hint of peanut butter in it. So if you're looking for an outlet to unleash your inner creative self like these guys did. They hop on a stream. They're talking about the old days. They're cracking jokes. They're painting the picture for you.

They were probably throwing back some screwball whiskey because it's the warm. They were throwing back screwball whiskey. They what? They were throwing back screwball whiskey. They were getting loose for sure. It goes neat on the rocks as a shot. It's amazing all by itself. Also, you can mix it up.

And what do people do? They do something to make like a peanut butter and jelly. They put like grape soda. Yeah, grape soda. So you can mix it up with some flavored stuff, and you can create some pretty cool cocktails. Right now, they're also doing a Screw COVID-19 campaign where they're donating $250,000 to the United States Bartenders Guild, $100,000 to the Children of Restaurant Employees. That sounds like a very specific charity called CORE. $100,000 to the California Restaurant Association,

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by screwball spirits llc san marcos california whiskey with natural flavors and caramel color 35 alcohol by volume um yeah so so they all get together so who's like the star that that's like uh like sagan is back on that in fact that was the that was the weirdest part of it is sagan was on team but sagan was like 19 and yeah okay actually most of the most of the playoff run didn't even dress i think it was sagan goes on to be like 50 goals, like hot shot, and now he's back. But these guys are probably like, we don't fuck. You were like a nobody to us, right? It's – I mean, Sagan went on to be like ESPN, the body issue, all this stuff.

But that plus – I forget exactly what game it was against Tampa. It was the baby game. It was sometime between game three and five, I think, when Sagan finally first dressed. And he came out with a lightning bolt, scored two goals that game. But, like, Sagan was a healthy scratch most of the playoffs. And so, like, his dynamic with those players, especially him being the pretty boy superstar, he's Adam Banks.

He's Cake Eater. Yes. He's the pretty boy superstar. And these are all just the fucking blue collar boys who and he's like sitting there he's just drinking bud lights and he had like his championship ring on it was it was it was real high school reunion energy for me he was very quiet in fact like i felt bad i was like oh like this yeah and and there were there were some dynamics that were funny like gregory campbell i think does not like him you could see.

It's crazy getting to watch because that's what our fucking dream is. Once our sports dream dies, like all we ever think about is like, God, what it would be like to be in that locker room with the fellas. And this was that. This was literally that. And then there were times you could tell, like, the whole team shut up while, like, Campbell would chirp Sagan. And you're like, oh, they're shutting up because they're like,

all right, dude, relax. They'd all jump in because it was like, yeah, this is a fun guy. Like, there's, like, 20 of them, right? Is it not, like, they were a good job about you talk and I talk. It was very chaotic at first before puck drop. And then once the puck dropped, everyone found a groove pretty quickly. A lot of the guys were quiet. Like a leader of it?

Like when Yara and me were talking, were people like, all right, we listen? No, Yara wasn't on that team. Oh. Yara came on 2013, I believe. Got it. But that was like Campbell said – he came up because Campbell said something like, oh, yeah, like they were busting Campbell's balls about being like on the Merlot line. And Campbell was like, oh, please.

Yara told me I was the greatest center I ever played with. And they were like, the terms they were just throwing, it went right away. Immediately, there were two things that happened that made you go, oh, this is fucking awesome. First thing was, Marshan came on, and it was totally, it was very black. And someone's like, Marshan, you look great. He goes, yeah, you should fucking see me naked, bud. And then I think

Mark Reckie, who was very much, he was the old guy on that team, and then it's a decade later, so Reckie looks old. Reckie was one-touching vodka sun-kissed drinks. He told us. And it was just like you'd see him just slam the whole drink and put it down.

I don't know if he had one of his kids behind making another. He'd never get up. He'd just have it full again. Just slam it again. But I think he asked – he asked – because they were showing the highlight of Nathan Horton. Horton brought TD Garden ice and then let it melt on the plane and everything and then dumped it on their ice. And that was like a big thing for our fans because we saw it and it was like,

oh, fuck. And Rekki was like, who knew he did that? And no one knew. We've always thought that was like a rallying cry for the team. I think Lou Cheap said Horton told him, but like 99% of the team was like, yeah, we didn't even know he did that until after. Wow. That's crazier because that means that dude like actually believed in it.

It's one thing to be like, we're going to bury the football because it's symbolic. We'll bring home ice with me. But you usually do it to be like, yeah, boys, let's go. And he just kept it to himself like a weirdo. He said Luchich said Horton wasn't on the stream. So Luchid said he came in the locker room and just kind of whispered to him, it's all right now, bud. And that was it.

Hockey players are the best. If hockey players weren't fucking like just like one-track-minded idiots who want to play hockey and bash your teeth out, they'd all be stand-up comedians they're all fucking hilarious they all have they're so quick-witted dude it was i think it was seidenberg oh no it was ferrets ferrets is a big tattoo guy and he's like he said something where he's like he's like hey sides bergie's got more tats than us now we gotta get back in the shop bud and he goes oh well he goes bergie how many you got now and bergie's like he goes none and they're like yeah yeah marsha goes he's just trying to cover up his body going to shit boom like like they i mean it's probably just from a lifetime of when when you play in hockey, it's like it's not – like you said,

you're always like traveling fucking 12 hours to go on like a tournament or whatever. Like you play basketball, it's like, you know, I see you at the practice, see you at the game, I go home. You guys like live together. You do the prep school shit. So you are just – it's 24-7. So it's like being a comic.

Like you just get your fucking reps in. So you know how to chirp. You know what to say. You're quick with it. It's fucking, that's why Whitney is the funniest guy at barstool. And even biz who like will admit that he's like a dummy is still like, you know, he will fucking chop you down in a millisecond.

You know, I think it's more than, I don't think it's the traveling obviously helps all that. It's, but I think it's just, you talk about practice like every day, it takes a half hour to get dressed. So every day you're – one hour you're sitting there naked with each other.

Yeah. Dude, they had – what was the other one? They were talking about like Tim Thomas always trying to give speeches. And Shane Knighty goes, Tank, what was – oh, no, it was Timmy. Timmy, what was that speech you gave after game five by? Can't fucking lose again? Pretty good speech. It was like, after game five, they went down 3-2.

They just couldn't lose again. That was, like, lose again, the series is over. Those are the rules. Can't fucking lose again? We know, dude. That's mathematics, bro. Five out of seven. We get it.

Dude, I'm trying to go through some of this stuff right now. Like, them calling Jager sniffles was great. Oh, dude, when they fucking had – they're talking about how – I think there was a goalie pileup or whatever, and someone was like, man, Timmy and Tuke, those are early years. You guys didn't take a lot of hits. And Lucic just goes, yeah, whatever happened to make him get so

sensitive about that rule? And at one point, Lucci buried Ryan Miller, going for the savior. Yeah, the still shot. People thought he decapitated him. People thought he fucking killed the guy.

And then Thornton's like, he goes, yeah, remember when I had to get my head kicked in a year later. Dude, it was, I mean, it was the happiest I've been. Even being able to laugh at that, like, you know, basketball players versus hockey players is such a cliche thing. But, like, if that ever happened, that would be, like, that would be a big deal where it would be like, yeah,

I don't like that guy anymore because he got me fucked up the season after. And this dude's just like, yeah, remember when you got my head caved in? Thanks for that, bro. It's just like we laugh about it and keep it moving. Dude, Chuka was chirping Seidenberg in the Montreal series, first round of that playoffs. Seidenberg got into – he's a defenseman. He got into the offensive zone.

And where a defenseman gets spacey, a lot of defensemen don't know what to do. It's like, I don't usually handle the puck. He took over himself and fucking went head first in the boards. They thought he got paralyzed. And someone just goes, yeah, he just wanted attention. There was so much about it. It was like – and obviously there's like a lot that went into making it so great, but it was,

you know, a, they were drinking B, they could say whatever they wanted. See, a lot of the players aren't in the league anymore. So like they're watching this and Lou teaches like, Oh,

Kessler, look at him chirping. Fuck you, bud. And someone else goes, Oh, you better watch out. And he goes,

well, what was Lou? She just lied. Someone goes, you better watch what you're saying on this stream. And Lucic goes, he's not in the league anymore. Fuck him. And he was saying whatever they wanted. It was, ah, it was, my face hurt.

I was up until 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock this morning. Just like, I was so excited. It's like after a big game, you're just so fucking happy. I was just laying in bed just like stirring. My face hurt from smiling so much. Honestly, I know people miss live sports. I like this shit more. I don't watch that game.

Hubs had tweeted after the Jordan doc. He was like, we all just like waited 22 years for this and live tweeted this. It was so big. Like, can you imagine when we actually get real sports back? We all just waited 22 years for this and live tweeted this, and it was so big. Can you imagine when we actually get real sports back? Yeah, I think a documentary chronicling the inside story of the greatest team of all time, I think that's way more interesting than a May baseball game. It's why I think that guys who turf girls for reality TV don't see it.

It's the same thing. It's the drama. I like, like, it's like, Oh, what are the, what are the personal relationships?

Like, that's, that's like, it's all great. It's all great. Don't get me wrong. But like when you, when you get to see that,

when you get just a glimpse into the chemistry and everything. Yeah. That's what you want to do. It's like, yeah, you want to play, you want to shoot. It's like, yeah, you want to play. You want to shoot, score, whatever. But, you know, everybody to a man says what when you retire?

What do you miss? I miss the guys. I miss the locker room. I miss the dugout. I miss, you know. And that's what's on display there. That is – I wonder if more teams, like, could – or more sports could do that. I feel like if you did that with basketball,

if you got the Miami Heat back together, it would be like the LeBron show and a couple other guys chiming in. Nobody would be busting balls. It might still be cool to see what they're like behind the scenes, but it just wouldn't be the same dynamic. Football is – we can have about 200 people in a fucking Zoom. It's kind of like – I can see baseball. I can see baseball being good too though.

I see like certain – at least you get together like probably also Boston. You get together the Idiots and the Beards and those guys. That would probably be good. But that's – That's what I said. That was actually one of the teams. I said that this in my blog. I was like – I'm biased here because this is my favorite championship team.

This is the team when I think of Boston Champions, my greatest time with them. This is the team when I think of Boston champions, my greatest time with them. This is the only parade I ever went to. We've had how many parades? This is the only one I ever went to. But the 2013 Red Sox and the Idiots were exactly the other ones where I was like, oh, and the early Patriots. So I said the early Patriots like personified Boston where it was like,

after 15 years, it was like, this is what we do. Where then it was like, oh, we're the blue collar guys, defense going up. The 2001 Super Bowl was very similar to the 2011 Stanley Cup where it was like blue collar Boston guys versus the already crowned skilled guys. And I mean, that's an idea. Quarantine is a good thing for internet content it just is it's like hockey's doing really well with it i think i think hockey i think it thank god they finally realized it that they do have hockey's tough because what you have to do is you have to

beat it out of people or you have to let them drink it out of themselves. Because the culture you're talking about, which is where it is so much fun, is also – I feel like you get so tight-knit with the guys that you never want to take credit or talk out or anything like that. So, like, hockey press conference, when they finally do get a mic, it's like, nah, the boys worked hard today, that kind of shit. And it's like – they all have crazy personalities, but you have to get – you have to get – you have to do – to get them to show that personality,

you have to get them to go against everything. Most athletes, occupation, you've been taught where it's the name on the front and not the name on the back kind of deal. No, no, no. Be you for a minute. Go crazy. That's why maybe 10 years later it works. Like you're not jeopardizing the team.

You're not going to ruin the chemistry. We can be real now. And yeah, you were a loser. You were the man. You fucked up. Whatever, you know? It was. You were talking about how with basketball or LeBron's show probably.

Gregory Campbell was probably the star of the stream last night. And Campbell's a fourth line guy. And it's like, he's fucking tuka was tuka was actually a lot louder a lot louder than i expected him to be because he's a he was a backup on this team i figured he'd be like oh this wasn't my squad um and goalies are just weird but he was loudest like the superstars were the quiet ones bergeron was quiet chara was quiet sean thornton was quiet which surprised me and he wasn't all right but i i mean really what they did was a a barstool like throw it together version of the last dance like the last dance like

this big fucking polished presentation and they were just like ah fuck it boys let's hop on a zoom and just do it and i'm like we'll just talk about it right now director a producer a package like let's just drink and talk about it. It was actually so barstool where they kept being like, what time of the game are you at? They couldn't line it up. They'd never talk. There were very few tidbits about

the game. It was just balls. There was the Horton thing, a few locker room things like that speech, but it was mostly just being with the guys yeah that's how all good content starts where it's like all right here's like here's what we're going to talk about we do it all the time let's do like our politics talk and next thing you know we're talking about fucking you know bestiality or something how the fuck

he actually cares about the play when it starts to flow. So good quality quarantine content. I wish. My dream right now. I just don't think we're the right company for it because of the culture here. But I think doing something like that for Barstool would be a smash hit. With the fans. I think the bloggers would have a problem with it. But if it was like we all get into Zoom and we talk about the manhhunt, like something that everybody was doing, and you all give like your inside take on it, or you talk about like the sale or one of our big feuds, I think it would be huge.

Yeah. I mean, I think you're right. But it's just not right. We could probably do it with like Friday Night Pints special episodes. Yeah, that's true. Well, the thing about it is like you need like a Dave. You need like the big people involved and whatever that is. No, I know.

But like Dave, you want to do it? Do you want to come on Friday Night Pints this Friday and we'll talk? But, you know, I feel like all those guys wanted to do it and were like into it. And I just don't know. Yeah, maybe we could try it. Maybe I'll be wrong. I just don't know. Maybe we can try it. Maybe I'll be wrong. You're probably right. I wanted to do the rap things

I've been watching where the producers go head to head. It's like a battle, but it's not really. It's basically like, let's just celebrate all of our fucking awesome music. We did all of our best moments and all of PMT's moments. We had it produced where it was like, let's just celebrate all of our fucking awesome music. We did all of our best moments and all of PMT's moments, and we had it produced where it was like roll the clip, and everybody just got to watch TNC Radio's top 20 and PMT's top 20,

and we talk about ours and theirs, and they talk about theirs and ours. It would be awesome. And it's just like, wow, I don't know if we're in the right place for that. That would be fun. That would be awesome. That would be fun. What? I think we'd lose that for that. That would be fun. That would be fun. What? I think we'd lose that one, but it'd be fun. Of course.

We would not win. I bet the producers get like... I'd be like, yeah, maybe we'd lose. Also, if we got you like, oh, you fucking suck at it, why'd we do that? In what I've seen with the uh i i haven't watched any of the music things but what i've seen is like

someone's getting mercilessly clowned it's like well why are you being a dick like i'm doing this we're having fun i know they're right and and i mean you know yes but there's also a lot of people who are like celebrating both sides but you're right. It's like the way our company runs and the way our fan base runs, it would be like we're just opening ourselves up to getting fucking roasted. When like instead it should just be like maybe this isn't a versus. Maybe this is just like we're going to go tit for tat. You go, I go. You go, I go. And I think it would be like 20, the 40 like best moments basically in podcast history you know what i

mean like the like the best shit that people have seen in the last couple of the last decade but you're right i think you texted me something similar to this but i don't think you explained it as well that's a very good idea that idea yeah i was thinking like at first i thought maybe we should go like blog for blog but also the problem is that it's like, if I was just like, this is my funniest blog. I sound like a fucking asshole, you know?

But if I, this is our funniest conversation that you and I and Nick and Brendan had together. It's like, we're just showing a moment. I'm not showing, I'm not bragging about myself. And then I,

so then that's kind of, it's like, like one of them would be Cutler showing up in that sweater. Yeah. That was so fucking cool. Yeah. It's not like the greatest thing that ever happened. It's like this is something that sticks out in my mind when I have this podcast.

Cutler showed up in a fucking Bill Cosby sweater while we had a fucking Skype conversation. I think I was on the road for the Blackout tour. I think I was sitting in a hotel. It was eitherout tour. I think I was sitting in a hotel. I was either him or tour where I was sitting in a hotel room for it. And it was, you telling this story, where were you? When,

what was going on? Like, I think it would be fucking awesome. I just don't know if, if like, I like that idea a lot. I bet. I mean,

let's do it. I mean, as long as you're okay with the idea of we know that the Barstool fans are going to be like, boy, PMT had bigger interviews and bigger moments. Whatever. Yeah, fine. You're telling me that part of my thing is big? Yeah, I know.

I'll do it with someone we're bigger than. I don't care. I'm not trying to make you feel like an asshole. We had some fucking awesome times. I am great to talk about those. I didn't have you on the clock. And I feel like we have a couple of our own guests. We have a couple of our own moments that I think can stand up to it.

I think it would be great. Let's talk to them maybe. Because I also think the way to do it, and maybe I'm putting a lot on Nick and Hank's plate right now, but if it was like in 2011, like this happened, like roll the fucking tape and then everyone can watch the clip. And it's almost like if you didn't,

if you weren't on board back then, you get to see it. If you were, you get to relive it. And it's not even necessarily about who wins or loses. It's about just getting to watch all those moments again. Yeah.

We're going to make it happen. PMT, it'll be KC Radio PMT versus the internet podcast style. And maybe we can like, I don't know, raise some money or fucking sell a t-shirt or something like that. But everyone is an asshole. So who knows? Let's get into Am I the Asshole right now. It's brought to you by Burrow. Burrow Couches. Right now, there's a few companies who if you got on board with them early, you are reaping the benefits and burrow is one of them. If you've got a burrow couch right now for your, for your, uh, quarantine at home, you are sitting pretty.

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You know what? I haven't slept on a couch since I've been home. I've been sleeping in a bed. Can you believe it? Dude, I've been telling my parents. I'm like, look, is there moving when this is all done? I'm like, you, I'm going fucking furniture shopping with you because you guys stink at buying couches. Isn't it crazy that leather couches were like the thing at one point?

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I'm on, I'm on like a combined page 80. It's, it's, it's not going well over here. How is a ukulele and Spanish going? I forgot both of those in New York. And I forgot,

I, I like, I like walked out of my apartment, like keeping eye contact with my ukulele. Oh shit. I don't want to forget this. That's awesome. It was like I was going through a lie in my head as I looked at the ukulele.

I was like, oh, boy, that's a shame. Can't believe I didn't get that. Alright, let's do a little Am I the Asshole? This one we sent to the KSU Radio group chat. You know that means it's a good one when it pops up like over the weekend and we send it and say let's do it. This was also tweeted to us a couple times.

So, Am I the Asshole? For clearing out my ex-boyfriend's childhood room in the home where he grew up. I moved in with my significant other of two years after my pay was reduced in February due to everything that's been happening, and it didn't make financial sense for me to live on my own apartment anymore. Right there, you're fucked. Let me just tell you folks right now, if you're similar to me, if you're in a big city on the East Coast or whatever. Moving in with someone for financial reasons is quite literally the worst thing you can do. It is the worst life decision you can make because you're just saying like, I'll basically get married because my rent's tough.

Don't ever do that. What's that? That's worse. That probably has a worse success rate than getting married for a kid. Yep, exactly. It's the same thing. You have to do it for the right reasons. Uh, my ex doesn't visit the house at all. Wait, okay. Hang on. Um, so my significant other asked me to move in with him and I took up up his offer. My significant other. I forgot. Okay. I forgot how crazy this one is. My significant other is my ex-boyfriend's dad, and now I'm living in the home where my ex-boyfriend grew up. Oh.

So we are going, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. This is going to get juicy. So my ex doesn't visit the house at all. So just to clear things up, this is like, just so you understand, ex-boyfriend, new boyfriend is his father. She's living and probably sleeping in like her ex-boyfriend's room. Why isn't she sleeping with her father? With the boyfriend, the father.

What? Why isn't she a with a boyfriend the father what why isn't she sleeping with the boyfriend slash father no she is i'm just saying that like she's like she's in his fucking house she's in his room she's in his his living room she's living in his place where he grew up my ex doesn't visit the house at all i suggested to my significant other again his dad that we should move everything out of my ex's childhood room and let me use it to store some stuff. So, yeah, so now she's taking over his room and let me use it as my personal office slash lounging room.

Bitch, you're an employee. You talk about your office. What are you, the president? Get out of here. So my significant other agreed. His father agreed. I boxed up everything in my ex-boyfriend's childhood room and moved it to the garage, including the furniture. I've redecorated and I've made it mine.

Before I even moved things, I emailed my ex about this and told him he should come by and take a look at what he wants to keep and sell or donate, whatever. After not hearing from him for three weeks, today he texted me calling me all sorts of names for clearing out my, clearing out, quote, unquote, she puts, quote, unquote, his room. No, bitch, it's his room. His room he grew up in with all his stuff in it. I guess it was his room. He left a bunch of his shit from when he was seven in my office. Get out of here.

I'm really trying to be sensitive and nice here oh are you like he is really making things difficult with his rage-filled outbursts and texts my significant other and i are giving him a year to clear out his childhood stuff in the garage like now we're gonna motherfuck you again uh neither my significant other nor i feel cleaning out his room is inappropriate but my ex is just melting down in a tantrum filled rage why does my ex feel like he owns his childhood room when he doesn't even visit it's very sad and bizarre bro this bitch this might be the one i think this is the biggest asshole this is a belladonna sized asshole enormous gaping asshole I'm actually usually a little bit more on the

other side of these things. If you've moved out of somewhere, I wouldn't really... If I moved out and my parents changed my room to their study, I don't live there anymore. If just the dad did this, you're kind of a dick

without a home or anything like that. But you're not in it. I don't know. It's your house. When it's the ex's idea to make it into her goddamn fucking study where she fucking smokes cigars, drinks whiskey, and reads books, you are nuts. I'm going through a fairly similar thing with my parents where, again, I mentioned they're moving. And they're like you gotta come clean out your room and i'm like just throw everything away i don't give a shit right

it's like the heads up too i guess they tried here but i mean listen the ultimate thing here he's not really upset about his fucking knickknacks he's upset that his ex-girlfriend is fucking his dad what the guy a fucking break He's not really upset about the physical room or you having a lounge or a study or an office where you're unemployed. He's mad that his ex-girl, that his dad is fucking his ex-girlfriend, that both of you would betray him that way.

And then that both, like, yeah, of course he didn't answer your fucking email because he's probably trying to block you out of his life entirely because what you're doing to him is emotional fucking torture you sick fucks i don't i just i i just genuinely cannot wrap my mind around how something like this happens like you obviously the father and son have had a bad relationship too you gotta be i'm just thinking about my kids and they're so so young so i can't even even fathom what it's like when they have

significant others and shit. If I were to start dating Keegan's ex-girlfriend, seriously, come kill me. Someone murder me. Put me down. Put me in jail.

Disgusting. Keegan can murder you. This man, the ex, is so well within his rights to drop a murder one on these two that it's not even a place you tie them to the bed like go m and rihanna on it tie them into the bed and set the house on fire that's that you're perfectly fine to do that honestly that is so unbelievably fucked and i don't know what's worse doing all that dating the father terrible stealing the room is just salt on the wounds insults injuries gas on the fire and the worst of all this fucking post to be like this is weird

huh guys you have to know deep down. I really feel like anytime you're on Am I the Asshole, if it's not a very clear cut, we've seen the situations where people are like, dude, you are an abusive relationship. You need to get out. And people are like, oh, wow, I saw the light. Otherwise, that's your guilty conscience coming out, right? Being like,

am I being the asshole? You're guilty conscience or you're looking for praise where you're just clearly not the asshole. Right. This is like, yeah, you know that you're a dick because you blow your ex-boyfriend's dad on the right foot. Your ex-boyfriend's dad

has probably been inside your butt. Jesus Christ. Christ. You made a father and son Eskimo brothers. They didn't even have any say in it. God damn! What is so... The room is what I can't give God.

What makes you think you need a study? Do yoga in the living room. Right. Yoga doesn't take up a lot of room. I imagine she's doing yoga. That's the only thing that could be a possible explanation here. She's doing yoga. Do it like the only thing that could be a possible explanation here. She's doing yoga.

Do it fucking in the backyard. Do it anywhere. It can't be yoga. This can't be a two-bedroom house. It can't just be that room and your guy's mask. Like there's got to be other rooms in the house, a basement, a deck, anything that you can take. The fact that you need to take this, you've already taken this dude's pride.

You've already taken his heart. You've already taken his relationship with his dad, and now you need to take this, you've already taken this dude's pride. You've already taken his heart. You've already taken his relationship with his dad. And now you need to physically take his stuff too. This might be the biggest bitch on the planet Earth. I swear to God. This dick is the fucking worst. It was a screenshot, right? So we don't have replies.

Yeah, I read it off a screenshot. I would, well, you know what? While you read yours, I'm going to go through and try to find it because I would love to see. Heaven fucking forbid. Let me find out that the Am I the Asshole community sided with this girl in any way. I might go fucking berserk. I mean, that would be – Disgusting. We might be done with Am I the Asshole if it's –

If that's the case, yeah. What do you – Okay. Am I the Asshole for asking my therapist if he farted slash took a dump i've been in there for a month i just found it you want to do the let's do the replies real quick here okay um we're just reading the top oh let me read some of the i love when people do this they do screenshots of the conversation on red so we get more color from the original poster.

So someone says, you're not the asshole. You have a claim, you have, oh no, you are the asshole, YTN. You're the asshole, you have no claim to this house, you're the girlfriend, not a spouse. Also, it's your dad, and she said, I don't communicate with him much, and the email was probably just the most convenient way at the time,

plus I get a read receipt from his email. bitch uh my significant other are just way up somebody asked why did you do this like why are you dating the dad her answer is the worst one possible my significant other and i are just more compatible sexually oh you you didn't know You didn't have to find that out. You can't just find it out. Yeah, right. That's like if she just said like if she said this is not acceptable. But if she said, you know, my boyfriend was like a child. He was like a boy.

And like he was this guy was a man and he was responsible. I had the young buck wanted the old bull to just be like well i fucked him once and found out we were much more compatible sexually i mean oh so someone says oh so you cheated on your ex with his dad and she said incorrect like no dude uh and last comment uh he has ample space in his own home he just never bothered to claim his own belongings god damn it someone said so you sound like you cheated on your ex with your dad with his dad and then liked the dad better and she said incorrect repeating it does not make it so and my relationship with my significant other is not under discussion be respectful bitch you don't make the rules of m on the asshole you give us all this information, we make the discussion. Fuck you. All right.

Let's do yours. Farting. Did the therapist fart or poop? Oh, shit. You said poop. I realized I fucked. Whatever. Okay.

I've been in therapy for about a month because I'm struggling with a few personal issues slash major life decisions. We've been doing therapy via Zoom and telephone. My therapist is a nice guy, and I feel like he's been helping. We had a session yesterday, and he asked if we could use a telephone rather than Zoom because his connection wasn't good. I agreed. Here we go. About one-third of the way through the call, I heard a fart, a really loud, unmistakable fart, and I know it came from his end of the phone. I was kind of shocked, so I just kept talking.

But then a couple of minutes later, I heard some unmistakable sounds. It literally sounded like someone was taking a shit while we were on the phone. I heard the water plop. I'm disgusted and annoyed and said, sorry, but are you taking a shit while talking to me? He got all flustered and denied it. I said, I heard you fart fart and now i hear pooping noises i'm not an idiot i told him i told him it was disrespectful because he wasn't focused on what

it was what i was saying and i feel violated too like what if this is a fetish or something it's just unprofessional he kept denying it and said it's fine but i don't want to and i said it's fine but i don't want to listen to you taking a dump, so I hung up. He didn't call back. I got an email today, hence the post, saying we need to reconsider therapy at this point because of my behavior. Seriously, what? Was I out of line for that? This is worse than what Louis C.K. did. On the phone.

On the phone. Strictly, strictly covering the phone situation. Kevin, if I called you, I'd rather hear you masturbate than hear you take a shit. That's just it. That's just a thing. Speaking for me. Let me try to play the other side of this. When you got to go, you got to go.

And if this guy's got a tight schedule and you're pressed for time, you need to talk, maybe this – is it better than him canceling on you and you don't get your therapy at all? Yeah. I mean, no. No, it's not. You're telling me something – if you just can't get off the toilet, like you could – there's so many You're out of that. You're telling me something. If you just can't get off the toilet, like you could.

There's so many other things to do here. You could just be like, hey, we're going to start 10 minutes late today. Right? Right. You're not going into fucking open heart surgery. You got to take a quick shit. Or if you have. I mean, maybe this guy is like, maybe he's going through it.

Yeah, maybe you're lactose intolerant. You just had a milk chugging contest. Then, like, hitting you on the phone when you're pushing, right? That's not that hard. There are plenty of ways to go. Look, if you talk to me on the phone, at some point on that call, I'm going to use the bathroom, okay?

It might be a piss, but it's probably going to be a piss. I don't think I'm going to shit. Have you shit on the phone before? Have you shit on the phone before? If I have, it hasn't been in quite some time. But piss? I'll rip a piss almost every phone call. You just aim for porcelain, you flush after.

It's easy. Or sometimes I'll do this. I hang all the way out the door on the phone, and then I flush. So I'm like two extra feet away from the toilet, but I'm convinced and then I run as it flushes. 100%. Yeah, totally.

You're 100% right as I push the button. Absolutely, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then by the time you can hear the swirl, I'm gone. That works 0% of the time, but I've definitely tried it as well. Yep. But I also – I mean, I think I've been on the toilet and gotten a call. I think it's weird if you're, like, chatting in the living room and you're like, all right, let me go over to the toilet and gotten a call. I think it's weird if you're like chatting in the living room and you're like,

all right, let me go over to the bathroom and take a shit. But if I'm like, if I need to take a call and I'm on the bowl, I've definitely done that. But the difference is for the duration of that couple minutes, I just sit there. I'm not like, so tell me about your father's house and his new girlfriend, Kerplunk. You know, I'm not doing that while the guy's talking

through his childhood trauma. That's the problem. I guess I'm going to look here. You're obviously not the asshole, right? Well, I mean, I guess... I bet you that there are going to be people who are on the doctor's side.

I wouldn't ask. I wouldn't be like I wouldn't ask. I wouldn't be like, are you taking a shit? I would either just plow through it or I'm not. I don't think I would. Yeah, no, you're right. I definitely wouldn't ask. I would probably laugh about this. I wouldn't be

offended. No, I wouldn't be offended because despite how this show has gone the last two months or so, I don't, I You are, you're on thin ice with this poop stuff, bud. I know. Because you were so anti-poop

and then you became king poop for the last six months. I know, it's bad. It's like anything. It's like we're doing the fucking Barcelona Confessions again and the disdain in your voice every time you say the phrase

you could be talking happy and then you'll be like barcelona confessions I forgot last week I just forgot it wasn't intentional I wasn't trying to motherfucker everybody I just forgot I didn't post it sorry this one's fake next this one fuck fake. Next. This one, fuck you.

Next. I told fucking – I told Josh. I was like, look, I'm tired of talking about it. I'm jerking off. And if they're talking to you about shit too, I'm like, no, I'm not doing that. I'll do it myself. And if you want to listen to this show. You reap what you sow.

It's like if we get phone calls about spitting in mouths i can't be like what's going on you guys why are you talking about this it's just you reap what you sow man anyway it's very much do as i say not as i do but don't talk about your shit you come that's it i definitely would not bring it up i would probably be like I'd probably like get another I'd probably get my computer out and try to like record this like are you guys hearing this shit record it and send it to the fucking HIPAA it's got to be a HIPAA violation yeah but I do like I'm actually on board you read the comments here but I'm actually on board. You read the comments here, but I'm actually on board with the doctor. This is the preemptive breakup. This guy, he's blaming it.

He's ridiculously blaming it on the patient because the patient is well within his rights to be like, yo, you can't poop while we're talking. But that patient-doctor relationship needs to be over. I would be like, well, we can't. You knew that I was pooping. We're done here. You don't respect me anymore. You're not going to treat me like a doctor. You've heard me kerplunk i'm out of here it's the uh yeah once

well that's it honestly people have thrown this phrase around a little bit with uh coronavirus where it's the great equalizer pooping is the great equalizer if i hear you shit i no longer respect you i do not care about your opinions i don't like it's just like we're on an equal playing field now i could never take your advice ever again and that's why you can't poop in front of your significant other because it just changes the dynamic great that's why your policy it ruins the romance because i just don't take you seriously anymore the uh but largely we're right again here all right you know what we're always right the other people are right. It's not the asshole.

But they did get a nice buzzword in there. People said that the therapist is gaslighting this person. They're saying they were inappropriate. They're worried you might file a complaint. They're trying to make you think you're the one who's being irrational so you don't file a complaint. I like the term gaslighting when it's used correctly. That term is getting thrown around a lot incorrectly i think that makes sense if he's trying to make that's right i'm okay with that but i feel like right

now girls are quick to go you're gaslighting when it's like we're disagreeing i have my side of things you have yours yeah i i guess in the sense it's right it's like we're disagreeing i have my side of things you have yours yeah i i guess in the sense it's right it's like i am trying to convince you you're crazy but that's because i think you're crazy and you think i'm crazy but i'm not subversively being like well she's being totally normal but i'm gonna trick her into thinking she's crazy i actually think you're crazy gaslighting i'm just turning it all the way down and being like, look, this is your fucking fault. All right. That's it for M.I.

The asshole. We're going to get into our voicemails next. And then we got Bob Saget on the show. Who's jumped into the podcast game. So buckle up for that because we did. This is, this is a tough episode, John,

for you to have just said, don't talk about gross stuff because your conversation with Bob Saget, I checked out. For the first time in my life, I just, I pushed back, and I was just like, I'm gonna let these two motherfuckers, motherfuckers, fuckers, talk about what they are. I was gagging

over here. It was gross. It was gross, but like I mentioned, I listened to Bob's podcast, and he kept talking about the free association. So I was just free associated with the motherfucker. I was like, look, I knew it went too far, but in my head I was like, I'm going to go with Bob Saget as long as Bob Saget wants me to go with him.

You actually pulled something I liked too. You gave Bob a taste of his own medicine at one point, and he was like, wait, for real? Are you telling the truth? You really do? he was like, wait, for real? Is that – are you telling the truth? You really do? I was like, yeah, see, motherfucker? See? It's not easy to have a conversation when someone's just talking fucking fake made-up world all the time.

So Bob Faggett gets a taste of his own medicine today on KCRN. I do want to clear it up while we're talking about something. I know a friend who had them lasered off. It was not me. But that's where my knowledge of what general awards get lasered off come from. I do know that. Boy, what a teaser for the audience. They're like, wait, what were you guys talking about?

Yeah. Okay, let's do it. Voicemails today are brought to you by Our Girl and Our Salon, Fleischman Salon. I mean, you can see it right here. I just had the Call Your Mom hat on. This is our new Mother's Day gear. Make sure you call your mom. Make sure you get the hat. But I mean, you can see it right here. I just had the call your mom hat on. This is our new Mother's Day gear.

Make sure you call your mom. Make sure you get the hat. But, I mean, this shit right here, my hair is as long as it's ever been. Look at this. It's going down completely past my eyes. I'm like Cousin It right now. The only way I can tame the beast when I need to is because of the new Fleischman salon products. Otherwise, I just do the fucking man bun.

I'm going to have the man bun going soon. I think I got a text. I think Casey asked me the other day if I can put my hair in a man bun yet. I think I just don't know how ponytails work because even when my hair was at its longest, I couldn't. Yeah, I don't blame you. The only reason I know how to do it is because of Shea. Yeah, I mean, you just got to, like, gather it all up and put it in the pony there.

And usually you want the sides. This is why they shave it on the sides because when it pops out like that, you look like you're Amish but, like, hipster. You know what I mean? But, yeah, I mean, look at this fucking thing. It's just out of control. Honestly, my hair looks fantastic right now. Yeah, I don't know how uh how are your sides so

so tight that's the only problem i have with quarantine hair is my sides get bushy when i want them to stay flat i think i just comb my hair when i get out of the shower and just that's why i use the the fleishman paste though so they have uh hair paste that's got some good like texture to it and i push it down on sides, and it keeps the quarantine puffed down, run it through the hair, and it gives it some grit. This is after I use the sea salt spray, which is just a delight. People don't realize the sea salt spray is when you step your hair game up. Everybody washes, conditions, has a little something they do. You blow dry, you put some product in, congratulations.

Until you've got the sea salt in there that makes your hair smell like you're at the beach, and that gives your hair a little bit of texture, you're not even on my level. You're on the JV. Step your game up. So I have here, I have it all, but in my shower we have the shampoo and the conditioner.

So what we're about to get right here is a non-paid ad read because my brother said it to me yesterday. Benny, how's that shit smell? He was like, what's that stuff in the shower? Because it smells delightful. It's so subtle. It's not like you're

going to walk around and smell like a chick with perfume in the department store. But there's just a little something that's going to make people go, what's that? What's that smell? something that's going to make people go what's that what does that smell and when you go your hair smells delightful and now my brother wasn't smelling my hair he was talking about the shampoo in the shower uh but if you can get a girl be like oh you smell delicious that is the ultimate and honestly i've learned at least maybe when you hit you know 30 whatever hair is man, because there's so many guys who don't have it that if you do have it and it's long and it smells good, the chicks are going to be happy. And you're going to be happy with yourself, too.

I actually – I've been using the conditioner on my beard because my beard gets itchy. I don't have, like, the flat hair. So that – the hair conditioner they have is, like – it's got some, like, thickness to it. because i don't get my beard gets itchy i don't have like the flat hair so that they're the the hair conditioner they have is like it's got some like thickness to it it feels like i'm moisturizing almost so i'm using it on my whole goddamn head at this point are you shaving your face at all i shave like just like right like where it gets straggly straggly i just shave right there and then down here i'm i'm letting it all completely go because I'm so excited to do a quarantine transformation video

at Fleischman. I'm not doing anything until I get into Erica's chair again. She's going to have a canvas that is just hair everywhere and she can do whatever the hell she wants. I get these

like flips up in the back down here. Yeah, you a little hockey bow? Yeah, I feel like I'm getting – I'm like the last guy to ever have fucking hockey hair, but I feel like I have it a little bit because it just – Yeah, I can see that back there. Hell yeah. I mean, when do you think you're going to get a haircut?

That's all I did. Most of my time in high school was spent wearing a dad cap like you were and just going like this that's all i did i noticed the other day i could it was out like this and i was like i can see the back of my hair from the front so then i just started doing yeah i put that hat on, and I'm seeing it like smoosh out the back. I'm like, oh, wait a second. What the fuck's going on? Let's go. So, yeah, I'm liking it.

But I also – I'm going to need a cut. Like when do you think you'll get a haircut? June? July or August probably. But you think that means that's when we're going to be back, or you think you're going to wait until July or August? I'll get one back pretty quickly. August 6th has always been my day back in the office.

Right, right, right. As it grows crazy, if you do need to look good, there's – see, I know we're not going out. But, like, for me, there's certain shows that I do or when I pop on a stream, I know I'm going to be in front of the camera for a couple hours. I want to make sure my hair looks good. So there's still reason to have your hair looking sharp during quarantine. You can get the shampoo, the conditioner, the hair paste. They have hair cream, which is a little bit softer if you're not looking for that real texture. They've got the sea salt spray and they've got the hair gummies. So I've been doing the shampoo with the gummies and I can literally, truly, I can feel my hair getting thicker.

I actually feel like my hairline is getting a little better. And, yeah, I mean it's thick. How about this look? So, yeah, I mean if you want long hair and you want to control – I can't think of his name. Fall Out Boy, not the lead singer, the guitarist. The one who – I think he's got a kid with Pete Wentz. He's got a kid with I think Britney Spears' sister or someone, Jessica Simpson.

Ashley Simpson, yeah. Ashley Simpson. Yeah, you look like Pete Wentz there. How about that look? No, I don't think I'm an alpha. No. What? It isn't hair magnificent.

You can do so much with it. It really is. So happy to have it. And if you want to grow it, get the hair gummies, get all of it, go to FleischmanSalon.com. Use the promo code KFC at checkout. You can get a discount if you buy it a la carte, and then you'll get – you get 20% off if you buy it a la carte,

and then you get an extra 10% if you get a subscription where they'll just mail it to you on the regular. So that's what I recommend you do. Go to FleischmannSalon.com. Go and buy something just because Erica made me such a nice little pouch. She made you the Nike things. Mine is a clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. It's like a coin purse. Mine is, uh, it's a power. It's clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose. It's like a,

it's like a coin purse. I put my AirPods in it. This is, she made me the Jordan ones, the 11s, the air force ones, and the Jordan threes. They're like these little,

I think there's supposed to be like, um, Christmas ornaments, but I think I'm just going to pin them on the wall back there as part of this little home studio. So she, if you, if you like that to go to bad bitch needle point,

she actually makes some pretty cool stuff with like needlepoint knitting. She made Bob Fox a baby Yoda. She made you the Friday Night Lights. I got the Jordan sneakers. So she does it all. It's Fleischman Salon. That's F-L-E-I-S-C-H-M-A-N salon.com. And then go to Stop and then use the promo code KFC. Voicemails,

let's do it. What's up, KFC Fights, DC. Alright, got a quick question for you. I was scrolling on Twitter the other day and came across this poll and girl was asking, do you know all of your homies'

dick sizes? I know a lot with the hockey locker rooms, the sports locker rooms. You see each other's dicks, and you might catch a glance. But do you really know your top three, top five best friends' sizes or inches? I don't think that I know my friends' sizes. It's not that weird, I guess, if they do. I mean, just soccer and shit. Let me know what you think. Diva.

I like this question. I mean, you probably do, right? No, not my... Not my... Like, my friends anymore, no. Like Brady was complaining about, we don't have a reason to shower together. I don't know. Even in high school, we don't have a reason to shower together. I don't know.

But, like, even in high school, I don't know if I told you, like, friends' dick sizes. It's like any, I don't know, I say like any sport. But with hockey, it was just like most people just have a normal dick. And then you know the guy's got the big dick and you know the guy's got the little dick. And that's it. Everyone else has got a regular dick.

When you were hockey, when you're showering, you could, like, I feel like you've got to have a real small dick. Well, maybe I'm projecting. I feel like you've got to have a real small dick, real small dick, to stand out when you're soft. Like, everybody's got a small dick when they're soft, right? Largely. In a shower, it's mostly.

And again, hockey, also remember the dynamic of, or the demographics of a hockey team. It's middle-sized white guys. There's, you know, not a ton of the guys are going to be like, whoa, what the hell is that thing you got there? You have a lot of uncut guys too? I feel like hockey's got a lot of cover wagons. No.

I think there was literally one kid, and we made fun of him. Yeah. We made fun of him to the point where he went in, he looked into getting circumcision surgery. And Chrissy D was talking about this. What? Chris DeStefano. Chrissy D had a friend who got an adult circumcision for a girl, and she broke up with him two weeks later.

To be fair, though, that's like, you know what? You're going to benefit in the future, period. That's like, I got my life together and got a job and bought a house for a girl. I'm still doing pretty good. Right. But the idea of like, you went through hell and you couldn't get a boner and you're worried about stitches and all that shit.

And then she was just like, imagine that that's the ultimate, that girl probably told her friends like, you know, I think everything else is perfect. I really just don't like his penis. If he fixed that, I would probably marry him.

And then he got his dick fixed and she was like, eh, actually, it's your personality. I don't like you at all. Oh, no. It's the way you close a cabinet. Never mind. That's tough. But, yeah, so that guy, he's going to benefit anyway. I'm just thinking, like, if you're in a locker room and you're like, whoa, dude, your dick is small, that's got to be really tiny and soft.

Because I am of the school of thought, at least. Everybody's soft dick sucks. Yeah, that's why I don't show it to anybody. Right, but, you know, when you're in a locker room, you have a fucking boner every time you shower. Yeah, there was a time in high school I could be like, I know what his dick looks like. But, I mean, I haven't been in a group shower in fucking eternity, so no. I can't tell you what your dick looks like.

Right. It was always teammates, right? Not just fans. Because I think you're also – I went to a small school where, like, I would – by the end of the season, by the end of the year, between hockey, football, and baseball, like, I was in a locker room with every guy in the school at some point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you did know everybody. I feel like you can also be, like, in a frat, or if you're, like – if you're, like, a party animal, someone's always pulling their dick out or doing the dick jokes. Like, it's hard. It's going to be sports then like what still happen yeah non-locker rooms in in like a in like a college party setting yeah yeah yeah like i think people are still like naked lap and beer pong or like you know okay like full i'm gonna go full send and jump off the roof naked like shit like that yeah okay i see what you mean i was thinking the guys

so like a trick like i don't know if that can happen anymore oh yeah well not in mixed company but i bet you fucking guys are doing it the guys still yeah yeah yeah you gotta you gotta be careful look 2020 you gotta be careful you show your penis to. Yeah, you really do. Dude, speaking of, so last night all the comics we love did a live stream for the Comedy Store to raise money because they're, you know, Comedy Store's about to go under.

Bobby Lee was on there. Bobby Lee's a good example. Bobby Lee is always showing off his insanely small dick and making it a joke. And so he was on the stream, and didn't watch the stream but I saw screenshots And Bobby Lee Was mooning them He had his pants off and he was like sitting down on the table

And you could see D'Elia's face was like What the fuck is going on And then the next reply someone else tweeted another screenshot And fucking Coco Joey Coco Diaz Was just standing there hanging brain over the edge of his, over the edge of his fucking waistband, just nutsack hanging. And it is, he has a fucking sack on him.

It doesn't surprise me like this old, uh, like Spanish, you know, Hispanic, like Cuban, whatever he is like old man. I knew he had some grapefruits on him, but this sack, it just looks disgusting. So maybe you can just show your dick. And I think like, I don't know who was in the box at that time, but Whitney Cummings was on the stream and like Bobby Lee's girl was on there. So maybe you can in mixed company. I don't know.

Oh, I was going to say like, oh, a comedy world. You never know. But I think I't know. Oh, I was going to say, like, oh, a comedy world, you never know. But, well, I think I do know. The only person I do remember when Diaz was hanging his nuts was Seguro was in there. And he just had this laugh on his face, just like, ah, this is awesome. Crazy, crazy, crazy. Anyway, what was the fucking question? Where are we?

No, we actually kind of stayed on topic. The question was, can you tell your friends penis sizes? Oh, right. Yeah, I mean, the answer for me at this age, no. I know one guy who's like my best friend's dick. He's got a hammer on him. We call him Nessie because of the Loch Ness Monster. I could actually pick his dick out of underwear.

If you showed me his bulge in a pair of boxer shorts, I could pick it out. I don't know about his raw dick, but in the underwear, I could pick it out. I think one day we're going to have to just show each other our dicks. Okay. It just feels right. It just feels like we can't actually fully consummate this friendship until it's just like, you know what, dude? Here it is. I'm going to grow a bush first.

Max Noyesville. Hey, Kevin. Hey, John. Hey, Brendan. It is 1026 on April 10th to Friday, middle of the week. I'm calling because I was just refilling my cocktail and I was looking at my refrigerator and I saw the invitation to a birthday party for a shitty little five-year-old in my daughter's kindergarten class tomorrow. And I remember just ruining the day that I got this invitation. Like, fuck, dude, I don't want to go to this kid's birthday party.

I don't like the fucking dad. I don't like the kid. I don't like anything about their family. And I saw this, and I thought, oh, what a pleasant thing to come from this quarantine. Sorry, man, it's quarantine. Can't come to your shitty kid's birthday party. So I guess I just wanted to know in this hard time,

what are some of the silver linings of your quarantine that you either haven't had to do or things that have been more positive for you? I mean, I feel like me and you are going to have a laundry list of things. I mean, I love

not having... What was the question? I just, I love not having – What was the question? I got to shout out what we talked about earlier. Roberto Luongo, who's fucking – I hated at the time back in 2011. Yeah. He's hilarious now. I love him. But he just quote tweeted the picture of the stream.

The tweet says, this is pretty cool. 19 members of the 2011 Bruins are watching Game 7 of the Stanley Cup final together. The game's about to start on Nessun. And Luongo just quote tweeted, this is precisely what my nightmares have looked like. Yeah, losing in the Cup sucks. Losing to those guys must fucking suck.

Sorry, sorry. Can you just read the question to me? It's just what are your silver linings in quarantine? This guy got out of going to a shitty five-year-old birthday party. He was like, I hate the dad. I hate the kid. I hate the party. Now I don't have to go.

And I thought to myself, hey, what a nice surprise. So, I mean, I feel like I got a ton of silver linings. I don't have to ride the fucking subway. I'm not in manhattan cram i'm not walking to work with fucking uh junkies shooting heroin on seventh avenue uh i'm not uh you know you're not walking by the homeless guy who shows you up you haven't thought about that guy in months just remembered him just boy he'd be jealous as fuck to see me sleeping in a bed nightly. Dude, what are the homeless doing?

I guess it's just business as usual for them, right? Yeah, I mean, they're probably pretty thrilled. Like, oh, the streets is empty. Well, you know what's crazy? No. You're begging for money. Yeah. You know what's nuts is people are still riding the subway in New York.

Crazy. That is. And because there's less people, like the ultimate irony here, I get it, but also it's kind of like contradictory. They cut down the number of trains necessary, so now you have to cram.

If they just had the full number of trains, you could spread out, but now they all... I mean, people are... It's like the regular-ass subway. You're holding the whole... I did not know that. That's crazy. There are people – the buses are still running. There are people just like, I got to go to work.

I'm an essential employee, and I don't have a car, and I got to get across town. Here we fucking go. So I'm not doing that. I don't have to see Dave. I don't have to go to the office. I'm getting extra sleep because, like, I don't have the extra hour of commuting in the morning. My back's starting to hurt, so I'm just going to lay on the floor.

The sleep is nice. Oh, God. It's actually kind of perfect. I got Larry Bird behind me. This is what Larry Bird did at the end of his career. He used to lay on the bench. I need a new chair. You said I was going to get a new chair, and I haven't. My ass is fucking killing me from sitting on this thing, man.

Actually, that is one of the benefits. I'm going to the beanbag chair. That is one of the benefits for me, the silver lining, is because I can't sit in our office chairs. I mean, you sit next to me. You know what it's like where I just have my legs up all day. My back must be so fucking weird because i've sat like that since i've been at barstool i sat like that in milton too i remember when i got in trouble for that with dave when what i got in trouble with dave for uh sitting with my feet up doing the radio. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He even said to me, he's like, I know this is like your logo and how you sit,

but I was like, yeah, it's how I sit. Don't give me a butt, you jerk. So I don't have to deal with shit like that. Dave doesn't fucking care about if I'm laying on the fucking couch to do my podcast, you asshole. So I think there's a ton of silver linings. I think that you're doing this wrong if you can't come up with, like, I know I'm a broken record, but

if you can't tell me, if you can't find one good thing about not having to go to work anymore, I don't know what to tell you. And I know there are certain people who are drowning at home with wife and kids and it's harder to get your work

done from home, but there's got to be some good shit about not having to go to your office. Come on. Definitely. Let's do one more voicemail because we are running super long here, and then we'll get into our interview with Bob Saget. Last voicemail is brought to you by Kendra Scott. Mother's Day is right around the corner.

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Celebrate her with Kendra Scott. KendraScott.com promo code KFC for 20% off, valid until the 31st. Last voicemail. What do we got? Let's have KFC fight to reduce their VC. So I have an M.I.D. asshole, I guess, for you.

I don't even know how to phrase this. So I have an am I the asshole, I guess, for you. I don't even know how to phrase this. So I have this special talent that is giving head, and I'm just really good at it. I just know that I am. I'm proud of it. I'm not a whore. I'm just really good at giving head. If it could be a resume booster without it being like a resume booster with quotation marks um i just would anyway so this guy's been begging me to come over and have sex with him and i'm like fuck that so i finally gave in and was like i'm

gonna make this a challenge for me and my friends how fast can i be in and out of this guy's house or in and out by making him come just giving him that like basically trying to test my ability so i go i park i set my phone uh my amulet to a timer i start before i even walk in the door i give my present over under 10 minutes everyone hammers you over because i'm hitting the elevator obviously I hammered you over like 10 minutes come on so I go in and uh during fellatio I guess he's like why does your watch have a timer on it and I was like oh it's for my parking meter and he's like okay so that like adds time anyway we finished eight minutes 36 seconds like a goddamn champion. And then I'm leaving and he's like, there's no parking for yourself at my house.

I just left. I've been ignoring this kind of ghosted him. But I got younger and I went with that with my friends. Am I the asshole for timing guys? Again, this was not happening all the time. It just so happened that it was a one-time thing. Decided to place bet on it. Am I the asshole or should this guy just hashtag get fucking

Roman sliced? Am I right? Alright, boys. Miss you. Can't wait for you guys to be back on tour again. Come back to Philly. Miss you. Love you. Bye. If you... Okay, there's a lot to unpack here. This is a Hall of Fame voicemail. This is an all-timer.

I love this story. Much like the girl who once called up many years ago and said, I'm not a slut. I just had a slutty eight-year phase. I'm not going to kink shame. I'm not going to call you a slut. I'm just going to say, if you're talking with your friends and setting time and setting a timer for how fast you can suck a guy's dick,

I'm not going to think of you as exactly like a wholesome angel okay or anything i'm just saying maybe enough with that disclaimer while you tell the story number two i mean if you're using roman swipes to last longer while getting head. That, I mean, that doesn't make much sense. No. No. That's great. I would never be embarrassed about coming fast from getting head. I wouldn't. By the way, little lady, you wouldn't get me under 10 minutes.

No way. You say that, but, like, I mean, if Heather Brooke is sucking your dick You don't think you're going to confess Well that was my big concern with Christy Mack Where that The most scared I've ever been in my life Was I thought Christy Mack might actually suck my dick That was

A terrifying Terrifying evening Where I was like son of a bitch What if she does it? Oh. So fucking funny. But the thing that stuck out to me in this voicemail is like

she thinks he's the one who needs to not be offended or whatever. You got played here, sister. I know. He knew the whole time. He knew what that watch was for. That's why he told you on the way out the door, yo, by the way, there aren't meters out there.

I knew what you were doing. Yeah. And also, I mean, now I know what you're saying. Yes, like this guy wins. But I think I might be a little bit hurt if you come over and leave in nine minutes. Like, I mean, don't get me wrong. I got exactly what I wanted, but I feel like I just got used. Like, my dick sucked.

It's one of those things where it's like you, laying here on the floor with my fucking feet up. We're going like full girl talk phone call commercial right here. You gotta like kick your feet up too. You gotta be like this. Hey, John. Anyway, if a girl came into my home and sucked my dick and left right away.

I mean, part of me, why would she do that? Why would you go out of your way in quarantine to go over to a guy's house, suck his dick? That means you have to like him enough that you would also probably want to hang out with him. Unless this girl is just like, hey, ladies, I got a fun quarantine game. How quickly can I fucking blow this guy? And then I guess I'll power to you. But it also just – it just doesn't seem very – it seems counterintuitive to me. I honestly think that's what it is.

I think she just wanted – Having a game? She's like fucking – she's a competitor. She's Jordan. She doesn't want to play one-on-one with anybody. She wants to fuck anything for 10 minutes. I mean, I kind of want to get a head from this girl. Yeah.

You know what? You know what we're going to start doing? We're going to start doing the callbacks, and we're going to call the show. We're going to call this girl. KSU Radio callbacks have been something. We have all your phone numbers. We're going to call you in the middle of the show, and you're going to have to explain yourself and or give me your address.

And that's what we're going to do with this girl. First one coming Tuesday, callbacks. Basically, I might call you at 2 o'clock in the morning on a Saturday drunk. This girl, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to call her. She's going to be like, aren't you supposed to be recording this for the show? Yeah, yeah, no. I got a camera running somewhere.

I promise. It's for the show. Then she's going to hear a kerplunk. I mean, good for you, girl. You sound like you could have Heather Brooke run for your money. I don't think anybody is the asshole. Good for you, girl. You sound like you could have Heather Brooke a run for your money. I don't think anybody is the asshole. But let's just be clear, as always, the double standard.

If a guy did this to a girl, he would be considered like a pig, and it would be rude. But a guy, you can come over and suck my dick and leave whenever you want. I'll feel used. I'll feel used. Definitely. And I will shoot you straight. If I like you, if I actually have feelings for you, that would probably hurt me.

I wouldn't be crying John over it. I'd be like, this is, you know, I wish he stayed a little longer, but hey, I did get my dick sucked. But guys can get hurt too. Even if you don't. I like how the feet came up. The feet came up like, guys can get hurt too. I swear.

I swear. All right. Let's – all right. It's time for Bob Saget, who I think is officially our best podcast friend. Yeah, I agree with that. I mean, we've talked to him like three, four times now. Every time we do, it just gets more and more familiar and friendly. Bob Saget loves us.

I mean, he always has glowing things to say about us, and we obviously love him. He's a fucking icon. So he's got a new podcast. It's called Bob Saget's Here For You. And if you've ever listened to our interviews with him, you know how it just goes off the rails and we go every which way. And that's what his podcast is like. He actually calls – he does the callbacks. He every which way. And that's what his podcast is like. He actually calls, he does the callbacks.

He calls people and just talks to them for his podcast. Uh, we talked to him about his quarantine. John gave, uh, sagging a taste of his own medicine. And it really just felt like a couple of guys hanging out. I think I need to see Bob Saget's deck.

You know, I'm going to see yours. I want to see what Bob's looks like. Cause you guys are my two best podcast friends. And what you do with your friends is you drink Miller Lite with them. You open up a cold one, and you share some stories. You ask some questions. You tell some tales.

You paint the picture. You spin some yarns. And this is what – this Miller Lite is what all good stories start with because you get a couple in you. You get loose. You start telling some details, you start painting the picture a little bit better, and all of a sudden stories become memorable, voicemails become memorable, podcasts become memorable. You don't have to be in the bars. You don't have to be out at a party. You can do it over Zoom.

You can do it with your friends and family who you're quarantined with. For fuck's sake, you can do it with yourself. As long as every time you're doing it, you're enjoying responsibly. Celebrate responsibly with Miller Lite. It's brewed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories, only 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. And whoever you're enjoying it with, Miller Lite will enhance the experience. Open up a cold Miller Lite and listen to Bob Saget with us here on KC Radio.

Yo. Yo. What's up, Mr. Saget? I'm sorry I'm late, handsome gentleman. I was talking, two things happened. I was talking to chicks in the office. They said they send their best and fuck off. And then I, you know, you got to use Chrome.

So you got to go from Safari and Safari kept opening. So, well, let me just like, you're welcome for bringing you into the 21st century and getting on Chrome, Bob. Well, Chrome though, there's a song, right? With Chrome in it. Yes. Right.

You know, what's up. Are you on TikTok, Bob? Am I? I have a million followers. Do you? I'm not surprised. Well, I am. I? I have a million followers. Do you? I'm not surprised. Well, I am because some people have 16 million, so now I must compete

with them. Are you making TikToks? What are you doing on TikTok? Damn right I am. Other than looking at the pretty girls on there. No, I don't. They're not all pretty. I mean, some of them, they zoom in close and the makeup just breaks off. TikTok, as far as glow-ups go,

like TikTok was like the girl in He's All That, where it's like TikTok at first, when it first came out was disgusting. I know, gross. I didn't see it when it first came out. I found out from friends that were on it and they just said, no, you should go on there,

Howie Mandel and different people. And I just went, okay. And then I got Stamos on it. And, of course, he gets a million five hits on his first video of just looking at his hair. Yeah, that was a bad move by you. That's like bringing around a guy who's just much hotter and cooler than you. What can you do? Stamos.

Stamos. Well, hotter and cooler. I mean, one of those things. He is pretty. Yeah, I would say you're right but um i just did one with my wife the other day because she did the als haircut challenge and it was supposed to shave your head but she wouldn't do that and so i cut off like four inches of it and uh and we and she was like upset i did it on an angle. Like, like, I don't care. And then she said,

the joke is she said, I cut six inches off. And I'm like, and I just said this a minute ago to the ladies, but I'm glad my wife thinks four inches, six inches. That's great. If I had a chode,

I'd be a made man. How is, you mentioned Howie. How's Howie doing with all this? Howie's good. Yeah, it's horrible for him, no? No, no. His life, my life doesn't change that much.

We like, you know, I like being with people. We go out on the road, we're with people, but we're still at a distance. You know, you're in a theater, you're not, you know, touching them. But Howie's a prophet. I mean, the guy said, don't touch people. It turns out he's the voice of Obi-Wan

Kenobi. The king of social distancing. I was Danny Tanner. Between the two of us, we're prophets. We're disciples. Are you a big journal fan? I didn't know you were... When you came in, we shook hands and stuff, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we rubbed penises. I'm not sure. So you're a germaphobe, but not like how? Well, I think we're all going to be more than we ever were. I mean, when we end up on planes again, it's like, okay, it's not corona, but I don't want to get a cold. I don't want the flu.

I don't want some disgusting person's. I don't want the flu. I don't want some disgusting person's particles of their poo that's on the doorknob to touch me because people don't wash their hands. Yeah, I used to be like if you wash your hands, you're a pussy guy. Yeah, now I'm all about it. I PRL every time I go downstairs. I wash my hands a lot. I'm even picturing seeing friends again in bars and people being excited and trying to hug me. We can wave.

Are you in bars? Are you going to bars now? No, no, no. I'm just saying in the future when we get back. Well, yeah, I don't like it all. And for years, drunk people have been spitting in my face. And then if you look at a movie years ago called Out that was like there's a scene in it and it shows the point of view of phlegm and it's everybody's in a movie theater laughing and i thought it was a joke when

i watched it but it actually is like it's a lesson a guy cough, ball of phlegm comes up. Camera follows the ball of phlegm. It does a U-turn and it goes into another guy's mouth. You go like, well, that's it. That's how you get shit. That's how you get shit. I feel like you're very plugged in with all of Hollywood, right? I feel like you know a million

people. Sorry, that's my mic. I didn't know what was going on. That's not my mic, actually. You got a little Bob Barker mic there? No, no, no. It's the thing that allows you to, you know...

Look at you. You're high-tech. ...really important. Oh, my God. The green button. I've been doing a lot of interviews. I did The View. I did CNN. So it's like I had to, hey, everybody on television that's doing late-night shows, don't be on Wi-Fi because you can't plug into an Ethernet cable. It's like get the adapter.

Look at you. Text-savvy Bob Saget. I did not see that coming. Well, I direct movies. And, you know, if you do that, you got to know how a plug works. That's true.

How are the Hollywood elite handling all this? Some people are, they still have groups of people around them, but I think they get the test somehow. I think I'm going to be able to get the test that allows me to – by the way, I can touch my face because my hands are clean,

but my face is fully infected. It's covered. I have syphilis and genital warts, but I don't have corona. I'm basically the same as you. I've been dealing with that for years, just not wanting to go to a doctor. And now there's even less reason to go to a doctor. You have genital warts? Yeah.

They laser them off, you know. So you really have them. Yeah. You got them from being with someone, and you got them, or do you just breed them? No, I started them. I didn't get them. Oh, okay. So you started them? I didn't get them. Oh, okay. So you started

them? First ever, yeah. I brewed this on this batch myself. How do you do it? How do you get a genital wart? You know when you kind of don't shower for a few days? You've probably experienced this in quarantine. You don't shower for a few days and you get kind of that scent?

That's like the brownies baking in the oven. Those aren't brownies. That's like pig knuckles sitting out in the yard no i don't do i don't do that i don't know me either once the funk happens and the firm under cheese starts forming from under right yeah you get the hell out of there you don't want no shmeggy, licious stuff happening. That's how you grow mushrooms on yourself?

Yeah, that Fremonda you're talking about, that's like walking into the kitchen, mom's breaking brownies. Like, ah, I know this smell. This is a good smell. No, it's not like mom. If that's your sense of smell, then you've got to see a doctor. No, are you, Bob? Are you telling me you don't like it? Come on.

No, I don't like it. I don't want to smell your Fremonda, but everybody likes their own Fremonda. I don't think so. That's farts. Farts, your own farts smell like Doritos. You've never scratched and sniffed? That's a fucking lie. I have. And then I go, I got to shower.

And if you haven't clipped your nails, you got a sample of Parmesan. You don't need that. When I get that smell, it's like a Thanksgiving turkey where you're like, oh, we got a few more hours of letting this go before we need to shower. You bend down, you tie your sneakers a few times just to get down there. I will tell you guys something that I've never admitted to anyone. Sometimes it's only worth it because it feels so good to scratch it.

Because it's definitely eaten away at your flesh. And you can die. That's why people in the Middle Ages or presently right now that can't shower because they can't afford because their plumbing got shut off the world's insane because we got a lot of problems they're scratching and it feels good but then you got to get in the shower yeah once you get in the shower after the scratching and you kind of work up the cards take a look and you're like oh i'm bleeding it looks like

Tiger King let one out and he just scratched your balls off. Oh, my God. You guys are fucking vile. You're both fucking vile. We wanted to open with something that would draw people in. Yeah. I can't wait for this headline. Bob Saget talking about

his Parmesan cheese nut scratching until he bleeds. Great. I didn't say I'd bleed. Well, scratch marks. I mean, it would be taken. They'd find it. The coroner would find it. I wonder if you can

die from that, from scratching down there. Just bleeding out. He scratched his balls to death. Imagine that. Oh, my God. Bob Saget killed himself. No, he was just scratching his balls to death imagine that oh my god bob saget killed himself no he was just scratching his balls i can see that you scratch it he caught the femoral right what you don't want to do right after that is not take a shower and purell there don't want to do that is a that is a ring of fire you want to do that. Okay, so let me change the subject because I'm going to throw up. So how are you guys

doing? Where are you? I'm in New York. He's in Boston. And we're thriving, Bob. Thriving. Now why you're in your both apartments or you're in family? He's at home. I'm at my apartment. Yeah. In fact, Bob, I'm in bed right now.

Oh, I can can see i have eyes i was sitting there over in the corner but the light was weird so they wanted me to move and uh my family's all here i figured they didn't want to hear this conversation so i stayed in my room oh no your family heard this conversation no no no they're they're downstairs but that they would have yeah i mean you're not the first person to have a weird encounter in bed with Bob Saget, but we didn't expect to have it here today. My wife's upstairs, which is good. She can't leave. That's my big joke.

I was ready to do a new special. Had to get off the road. And I just kept coming up with jokes. So I'm glad I didn't shoot it because there's 10 minutes of pandemic humor. He's on Wi-Fi jam. Look what happened. He's frozen. What a fucking idiot.

I'm back. You're back. You're back. You were going to shoot and then release? That's a big... You were going to shoot this special and film a comedy special and put it out for consumption um no I mean that's a fucking

curve I was think I was gonna figure out where it's gonna go first and have them uh come look at it as they do and see what fits right um my last one was an Amazon original and then the one before that was on Showtime and the one before that was I don't know but there was an Amazon original, and then the one before that was on Showtime, and the one before that was, I don't know. There was an HBO one before that. I don't know. You just lose track of all these major companies. Well, I lose track of specials because I'm like a four-year between specials guys where some people are every year, like

Bill Burr, Dave Chappelle. They're so prolific. They just churn. They're amazing. They're friends, which is even cooler. I love name-dropping. You know that. Did you see Louie's new one? You were just mentioning the new specials?

No. Louie's is very funny, Bob. Does he talk about the whole deal? He addresses it at the end. Oh, that's what pulls you in. It's interesting. It's very funny.

No matter what you think of him, it's very funny. The way he addresses it is like he does it in a humorous way. He does it in somewhat of an apologetic way but somewhat of like, hey, I didn't really do anything wrong. You know, I can see some people liking it, some people hating it. But, I mean, that's what Louis is right now anyway. But it was interesting to see, I mean, a full crowd of people chanting his name, laughing it up.

I wonder if it's just like, you know, he's back. I don't know. Well, you're back. If you have it, is it Netflix?

No, he does his own. He has louieck.com. He releases it through his own website. He's always, or that, I mean, the last one was Netflix.

So, I mean, it's, you know, it's, it's a, and his first first one he released it through his own right and he started the whole search engine of releasing your own special thing it was uh right wow uh and i've taken this time as you know because i'm on the promo i'm a whore tour but uh this is organic before the end of the year i was so upset with how the world's going

and how everybody's yelling at each other. It happened really three years ago. Even when I saw you guys, I was out touring. I think it was the vegetable in your studio. I was like, Titanic drown victim, but I'm bloated, full up with minnow juice covered in mushrooms

on my scabies. Aren't scabies like people that work on a ship? No, it's scabies. Oh, that's a pirate ship. They can get scabies too. Scabies are a disease and boy, we have no knowledge of disease right now.

None. No, actually, we don't. Yeah, that's true. There's a disease around the world that's killing people, and we don't know very much. And I think this is disease 2.0. I think 3.0 will be probably what you got on your sack, and then the other will be Cloverfield or germ warfare or something crazy. That's what it is in outbreak, right?

We were talking about germ warfare. Isn't that what outbreak is? That's why they want to blow up the whole town because they don't want to ruin their bioweapon? Exactly. Whereas in Contagion, it's more like this, I think. Yeah. Contagion, it's crazy. I'm not watching it.

Both those movies have gotten so big. I'd never seen either one until this. You watched it like day two of quarantine. The thing with them is, though, the big difference in those movies in the reality is how quick that kills you right like this isn't as deadly those are if you get some people it is i i know but so are the flesh-eating viruses that you'll hear someone

goes into a hospital they get a i had a friend um got a flesh-eating virus and um i was friends with his dad actually and three weeks he was gone. I mean that's and that was you know and everybody's always saying well the flu kills more people. It's like well look this we don't know what to do. The flu's going to kill people. Diseases are going to kill people.

Yeah people get hit by a car. Why should we care about this you know. Those are insanely stupid. I can't believe people are still using that it's nuts i have a daughter in brooklyn and and there's you know people outside partying and they're they're all and this is the time not just just we're not over the curve yet we haven't gone over we're like we're right there and it's like we keep it up it'll be it'll probably be okay and this is going to be the time we reverse.

And it's just so chaotic. Some states are, and the Jacksonville Beach is open. And we've been talking about this a lot. I even tweeted about it, which is it's like they're opening the beach, and it's like maybe there aren't cases there. Maybe nobody's going to die. Maybe no one's going to spread it. That's a miracle.

It's impossible, but great great that'd be amazing but it's kind of like the the uh mayor played by a guy named murray hamilton in jaws who told roy scheider you open that beach this is our top tourism time and then like nine people to get eaten by yeah family as you know means friendship right right but we are joint there is something about this time where we might have been at war with iraq right now i don't know what would have happened and this kind of made us all have a common enemy and i kind of like the quarantine of it i don't like cleaning everything all the time but it's what do you do for fun what's what's bob's like do you do you smoke pop did you stay a holiday for you no i don't i don't smoke pop but my podcast did premiere on 420 and i did that purposely

uh because everybody thinks i'm high anyway i mean they really do i do but i'm stopping right now because i i quarreled with my wife and it's like, that was Bob being bad. When you're talking third person, you're either a rapper or you're a self-loathing Jewish person. I feel bad that I did that. Alcohol will do that. Why do that?

They always say, don't drink at home anyway. This became like, wow. Who's they? Those four people I keep in my basement. I have a minion of slaves that tell me. What if one day we learn? I don't want you to think I believe in slavery. I'm saying they're sexual slaves, and I pay them, and they want it.

So my wife doesn't know about it. She can't hear me right now. I'm in my study. Have you ever seen the movie Big Fish? Of course. I love that damn movie. You know, in the end, like with the funeral, when he realizes that all of his father's stories are all real.

Yeah. What if that happens with Bob Saget one day? What if you die and then we like, you know, we're like, he did have four sex slaves in his basement. And he did do this. And he did do that. He did scratch his nuts until they bled. No. No, that's what's different about me.

That's why I haven't gone to jail. That's why I don't need to do a special that begs for redemption. I haven't. I talk about it. I've done a couple of things I'm not proud of. You know, I got the horse 24 years ago, 25 years ago, and I'm married now for two years. Been with her for four years and that's it.

I'm so happy. But I've done things, you know, for 20 years I was doing stuff. You know, I was single from, my midlife crisis is 90 years long. What's your most embarrassing moment that you would be willing to talk about? Do you have a party moment? I'm always doing something. I was – oh, my God. I did something yesterday.

I'm always bad cop, good cop, but you're fucked always bad cop good cop but you're fucked bad cop you know i a friend i a guy i've known for years he called me and he said hey you want to be part of this tv show we're doing it on on zoom and and and can you do it i went well yeah but what is it tell me about it and then he's like he's driving through tunnels and and then i like texted him and I left him a message and I went, look, I love you. I've known you for 30 years, but you didn't tell me about the show. You're driving. We're all in quarantine. Why couldn't you just call me from home?

It's kind of disrespectful. I would do anything for you. I just don't know what it's about. Why are you driving on a conference call with two other guys? The call keeps dropping. It turns out that he was driving to the hospital because his wife was having brain surgery. That's pretty up there

with being an athlete. It was Brian Cranston. We were going to do Breaking Bad. I will not name a star. It was OJ Simpson, my buddy the Jew. Oh, wait. Does he have a wife? I don't know.

He's got a putter. Anyway, back to the thing I was trying to – I'm supposed to talk about, but I want to talk about. Hold on. I just have a corona moment. That was good. Yeah, what a professional. I'm have a Corona moment. Use the pop button. What a professional.

I'm muted, that damn thing. I'm just up too early. I haven't been sleeping. Have you guys been sleeping? I haven't been sleeping. Bob, I was saying we were talking about it last episode. I'm turning into a geriatric during this. I'm in bed by nine, exhausted by seven. I eat a lot of raisins. I'm an old person now.

You sat in a rocking chair eating raisins watching the birds yesterday, right? Squirrels. Squirrels. Just kill yourself. I thought you meant the movie. You're actually watching the squirrels. You're looking out your window at squirrels.

Right out the window. Just watching squirrels run around the trees. Do you yell, get off my lawn yet? It's coming. In the end, I could see him being like, you damn kids, break that party up.

Hey, you know what? I actually really get it with old people too. I know what my neighbors do now. I'm spying on my neighbors. There's not shit else to do. No wonder that lady's gone for three walks today. There's not shit else to do. No wonder. That lady's gone for three walks today. What's wrong with her?

Her and her husband must be fighting. There's a famous Hitchcock movie with Jimmy Stewart, Rear Window. And he's got a broken leg. And he's looking out the window at all of the apartments. And he sees all the dramas. And he witnesses the murder. And it's, like, really cool. And we're kind of, like, living that.

It depends on where you live. But if you're living in the city, you know, you're looking out your window. It's a mosaic of just people doing all kinds of shit. And I like that. But I'm here in L.A. It's spread out. But I'm still not touching anybody. The UPS guy wanted to kiss me the other day, I think.

You can't lick linoleum anymore toilet seats you can't can't rub cardboard boxes on your junk you can tell that's why bob got on tiktok to do the coronavirus challenge to start licking toilet seats that's that's perfect how's the podcast going, Bob? That's what I want. Yeah, because I didn't think I was going to do one because everybody's got one. You know, literally, the kid across the street has one, for real. And I was like, no, but I got to – I wanted to do it because I was saying it because of all the anger in the world. And it kind of accompanied my stand-up, and it just made sense.

And then I started planning it before the end of the year and then the beginning of the year comes and i was able to put two episodes where you do them on youtube as well as your apple podcasts and spotify and all that stuff and then um little did i know that this happened so i was only able to do two episodes where i went in studio and then they started shutting it down and I was insisting they spray everything down. Give me my own mic, my own ear stuff, you know. You're a fucking diva, Bob Saget over here. No, it scared.

It was scaring me. And then they took care of me and I have the board here and I just started doing it. And it's really interesting what happened because it's called bob saget's here for you and the idea of it is exactly what the title is and i i the first two weeks on three episodes monday wednesday friday uh and then i go in the third week on monday and thursdays till the end of time, which apparently is next March. But the whole idea is I have guests.

I have big names, people that are really just my friends. I've got John Stamos, Macaulay Culkin, Howie Mandel. Yeah. That's such a get. He's such a good guy. And Tiffany Haddish and Howie Mandel and Bill Burr.

Bill Burr drilled me a new asshole. It's unbelievable. I'm sorry. Are you texting your mom? Are you getting a pizza? Sorry. Dave's sending you a frozen pizza. Dave's frozen pizza shit keeps me alive.

He is. Did you see his finger the other day? What he did to his knuckle? Oh, yeah. That's when his goldfish killed himself. You're in. Oh, I'm all over it. I can't get enough of it.

And I know his minions because he's a private account or accepting the world because he's got another million all of a sudden. Yeah. But I ended up doing this. The coolest thing I'm doing on this podcast, which I haven't seen a lot, but everybody's taking callers their whole life on all radio forever and stern was always amazing at it and then would just all of a sudden hang up on people you know and i used to be a regular on the show and stuff and now i put a phone number up in the link of the thing on the thing with the thing uh

you know on the habbo podcast and people call that number and i announce it on twitter and instagram i'm calling tomorrow pacific time 1 30 to 4 30 um i'm doing it two days and i for three or four hours i'll make three episodes of calling people and or two episodes depending on how how if sometimes it's a 90 minute episode because cause I can't not do it. Cause it just seems right. It is what the times are, what it's supposed to be. And I'm calling people and they're picking up sometimes not cause I'm blocked number,

but it's my phone's hooked into the board. It sounds great. And who are you calling? Give me an example. The people, just nice people. I talked to a guy the other day and he was stoned for 35 minutes. He just was stoned the whole time. He laughed the

whole time. These are regular people. No, because my friends I call, but that's like, that's different. Those are the guests. Like once a week I'll have, or you know, every few episodes I'll have a name of note. That's like good people. But then

in a couple episodes I'll just talk. It'll just be me riff good people. But then, and a couple of episodes, I'll just talk, it'll just be me riffing. And, you know, I can do that nonstop, end up scratching my junk, talk about it,

and then talk about peace on earth, you know? So it's like, I'm all over the place, but I'll have a guest. That's a lady that tells me she's a nurse and she's got a patient that died that day. And she's got an autistic son.

And I'm not going to be doing dick jokes on that call, you know. Right. And it just hits me and I'm affected. So it's literally one on one real stuff. And I'm not like one of the fake TV doctors that tells you bullshit that they have to apologize for the next day because they're making shit up. Inhale from a sardine can you know and then i'm able to also then get a guy on the phone that goes tell me the aristocrats let's talk about my dick i'm like sir i'm not gonna talk about it but let's talk about it and then you can show a lot of different sides of yourself.

I'm sure some people think of you as just Danny Tanner or just the dick jokes or just this, just that. And you realize, you know, you can do it all in one shot. And it changes. I'm a chameleon throughout the episode. And so it's really rewarding. I actually look forward to hitting that record button. The other day, I can't run it anywhere, but I was trying to film myself because I can't do the YouTube professionally because I wanted to record it on an iPhone so they could take that,

turn that up, put that up to YouTube, and then record the podcast. And as I was doing it, all the wires and everything, the board fell over. I fell on the floor. It's like it's hard. Why are you not putting it out? Put that out. Maybe I'll run it. like why are you putting it out put that out right maybe i'll run it maybe yeah that's the shit that people want they don't the the times that we screw up are our most like you know our fans favorite times definitely now i would assume

you've got more uh downloads than ever right now is that accurate accurate? The early going, I'm not sure what it is last few weeks. The first week there was a dip because I feel like a lot of our listeners are East Coast cities. So we're getting a lot of commuters and we're getting a lot of people at the gym. And that's like their time when you're, you listen to podcasts by yourself. And so without those two times, there was a spike down in the very beginning, but I'm hoping, I don't know what it's been recently. I'm hoping that people kind of found the routine, like, all right, I used to listen on the train, but now I'm going to listen when I'm eating lunch or when I go to bed or whatever it may be. Cause I think it was more just about finding more time to yourself. You know, if you're, if you're stuck at home

and you got your kids and your wife or your roommates or whatever, it's not like the same alone together situation. So I don't know what it is recently. I hope it's more than ever, but I know in the beginning there was a dip. I think a lot of people that you've accumulated over time need this. I think in the late night shows, the quality is this.

And their ratings are up because you're watching news all day you know the the younger people want to see jimmy or jimmy or steven and or or seth or or james or whatever but um it's weird it's weird that people need they need an outlet right now. Right. They need. Speaking of outlet, I listened to your podcast episode. I loved it. One thing you talked about a lot, free association. What is it?

Well, it's when you associate, you don't charge people. And that's why my podcasts are available for free. If you download Apple music, it's when you, it's almost, it's improv. It's letting your brain go down paths. I wrote a book called Dirty Daddy and I decided to do it. And the publishers were like, HarperCollins, they were concerned that I'm not using normal language. You know, I was talking about, you know, deaths in my family. And then all of a sudden, I'm walking up the stairs worrying I'm going to have drainage as I get older. And it's going to come out of me. And then I'm going to slip on the stairs and fall and die.

And then I'll wind up like after being very emotional about talking about true deaths in my family. And I had a great editor and they all had a meeting of the minds and it came out well. And I, it's just the way I've always been since I was a standup at 17 years old. So that's 40 plus years. My God, I'm going to die.

But I feel like acting is almost the opposite of that though. Right? Like the last time I think I saw you, I was doing a play hand to god in new york i think i'm not sure or i was i don't know if you were doing it but you mentioned it oh then i must have been done doing it but um but that was you you got to hit your mark you got to hit your lines you got to do your cues and there's no room for that but i did another play in new york once drowsy chaperone bob martin was the original and um and there's no room for that. But I did another play in New York once, Drowsy Chaperone.

Bob Martin was the original. And it's a brilliant play. And there's latitude within that. You've got to hit your cues, but you can. Because I had the man in chair, which was the lead. But my mother, who was alive then, said, man in chair, that's the name of your character? You couldn't get a real part?

But he was the star of the play. Not the star. He was the the star he was the narrator he was the uh our town but um it was you know it's it's all different everything's a different muscle but i love like if i'm doing stand-up i love and as and if it's a special especially that's great wording you i'm able to you know do that self-reflect make the laugh is in the fuck up you know how much uh of yours of a set of yours if you go on stage is you know canned material versus you know you just start riffing i like that you call it canned material it really gives respect to my art. And the laughs are canned. And I like those

Hormel little knuckles. Those little teeny little wieners. But the new work I'm doing is telling stories and doing jokes that are kind of more linear in a way. And then I'll go off

if something happens or if something reminds me of And then I'll go off if something happens or if something reminds me of something, I'll go off. But I am always pretty lucid. So I always come back to the topic. And that's where people are reassured. Oh, wait a minute. You know, because it takes a lot of preparation to go off. You can't, you have to know what you're going to come back to

if you go, woohoo, and you're gone. Yeah, I think that, do you think that people don't think you're going to come back to if you go to woohoo and you're gone i think that do you think that people don't think you're lucid at times like when you start to go i feel like you always do bring it back and i'm like oh all right like he he knew where he was going and he he took it there and then he brought it back to the question or i didn't or i didn't know where i was going purposely and that's like free fall. You know, you're just going. And then when you come back and that's like people go, whoa.

And then they realize, oh, this guy has been doing this for 40 years. Right. And bombed for the first 10, you know. Right. But then you look at people like Dave Chappelle, Bill Burr, a bunch of people, but those guys specifically that do a stand-up where they'll just

and I told Bill this on the podcast recently it's like they're diving into a swimming pool with no water in it and the audience is like, oh my god why'd they bring that up? This is not the time to bring that up. How could Dave say that? How could Dave say that? How could Bill say that?

And then you go, whoa. So it's so great that they think of something, and then they get the ending, and then they work backwards with how can I get there. And that gives them time. You have time in the middle to play. Right. And say it differently all the time

but you're still coming to a a resolution that has some kind of you know finite ending that makes sense and that whoa that's what that was about whether it works or not sometimes it doesn't always work um but most of the time it does because you've been out there doing it so and that's what i think it's good about podcasting too is the you know the bar is obviously a lot lower than when you're on stage for a comedy act where it's like people are paying money they expect to laugh it's got to be you know very tight podcast you know but i don't look at podcasts like that's what see but i'm a newbie you guys have been doing no i i don't look at it that way either i'm not saying that i'm

just like fuck fuck it. Who cares? But if you go off on a rant that's off topic, you can kind of just be like, anyway, let's get back to it. You know what I mean? There's not – it doesn't have to feel like it's all smooth and perfectly and all smooth. No, because the key to broadcast podcast radio is to be a companion. You're not performing. Sometimes I hear podcasts from people and they're working so hard

to cover their typed up sheets of questions. And sometimes that's amazing if it's done by people like Conan O'Brien. He's a master. And deserves all the

accolades in the world. He's brilliant. He can go through notes and make them work or just be brilliant because his mind is unusual. And there's a lot of people that I look up to. So I was like, I didn't want to be going, I'm going to do a podcast so I can compete with other people. I just had something to offer people that respond to my stuff and makes people feel a little better and yet it doesn't mean i'm not going to talk about my testicles or my butthole but i don't talk about my butthole but i do hold it up to the camera when i'm back on the youtube um i might post a youtube today of one of the episodes that was filmed.

There's only two of them. But maybe I'll show that screw up like you suggest. Yes, definitely. Definitely. And it's funny you say that because the companion thing, because we're trying to take the podcast. We're doing the opposite of you. You're going from stage to podcast. We're going from the podcast and trying to take it on the road and go to comedy clubs.

And I always feel awkward on stage and i think it's what you just said is that i'm used to people thinking of us as like just part of the conversation not the performer to which they are like paying to watch and see i'm always like oh shit we got to make them laugh we got to put on a show what we really want is just like bullshit but But you'll find that. There's people out there doing it. Kevin Smith and my friend Chris Hardwick sometimes. Doug Benson goes out. And they do their podcast. And Doug loves movies.

And people will talk about movies. And he gets a panel. And people want to be part of that because it's fun. And I guess it's considered hip. But it's a discussion. And that i guess considered hip but it's it's a discussion and that's great i think that's great and then you'll find things that work with everybody you know to give them a show you'll find you'll find a way to make it have a ending and a beginning right right right i mean it's not that hard and then once you do that you know where

you're headed at least At least you have closure at the end. Well, I mean, as far as free association goes, you're one of the best in the biz, babe. People should definitely look forward to that podcast. Bob Saget is here for you, available on all platforms

for free. I know how you keep saying that, for free. Most podcasts are free, Bob. Don't worry about that. I found that out. I found that out. I was like, wait a minute. Am I getting fucking paid for this? What's going on? I said, Apple Podcasts. It's free.

Bill goes, okay, let me tell you how this works, Bob. I have no advertisers. Then you end up with, if you get over 60,000 people, then you get some advertisers. Then you got to see there's so much out there that if you go up the thing, but I'm actually, you know, for just launching, I'm actually doing pretty well as far as what I'm told is audience and ranking and all that crap.

But that's like looking at being on a TV show and looking at ratings all the time. It'll drive you insane. Yeah, you can't do that. The day you start catering to the, to the ratings and the downloads is the day you don't get them because your show's never really done that. Well, I have done that. I did it for 10 years. You know, when you have, you know, real popular top 10 shows, you, you listen to the testing. Oh,

we're going to test your pilot. Oh, that's great. But, but it's, you know, there great. But it's whatever beast you're on. It's whatever medium you're on. Right now, we're on microfiche. We're on Viewmaster right now. I actually like this. I like watching shows if the people have a decent signal. Yeah.

I feel like it humanizes people even further. It's like, yeah, we're all sitting in our bed or hanging out in the kitchen or whatever, and it becomes much more relatable. I even enjoy some of the ones that are a little overproduced, and John Krasinski's been doing some good stuff, you know, and it's like he's doing it because he wants to do it. Some good news is such a good idea yeah yeah i i really like it you know and some of it is like okay i don't know you're not really helping anybody yeah it's it's nice because everyone's

trying something and then yeah yeah when he made that little girl happy and he had Lin-Manuel and they all sang from Hamilton. I'm sorry. I don't care how, you know, macho person you are. That was just awesome. That was great. But singing Imagine, I don't know. Yeah. Right, right, right.

Exactly. Well, I'm sure you're going to be having many of your own moments on your podcast. So everybody check it out. Bob Saget's here for you. And as always, we appreciate it, man. Thanks so much. I think a lot of you guys. I mean, I think a lot of you.

I can't stop thinking about you. I'm going to be thinking about all kinds of mushrooms growing. Everybody go shower. Everybody go shower right now. We're all going to shower right now. It's time to shower. Thank you so much, Bob. You're the best. Have a good one. You as well.

We'll talk to you soon. In her face. The mirror of your dream. Make believe I'm everywhere. Give it in the light. Written on the pages is the stars Lie a fantasy Dream a dream And what you see will be Rise again their secret tale A boat behind the clouds

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