KFC Radio - An Awkward Sleepover, King of The Fruits, and Jerry Springer

Episode Date: September 12, 2019

It must have been an odd night at the Brady residence in light of the Antonio Brown news. When are you too old to have a sleepover? Are you who you pretend to be on social media? Trolls, Doxxers and Shadowbans. Voicemails: King of the Fruits, is 3D porn cheating, Lifetime bank statement, best fake jobs. Jerry Springer joins the program to talk about Judge Jerry, how he got his start in showbiz and the time he fought a 6'5" neo nazi.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

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Promo code KFC for $10 off your first purchase. Well, last episode, things got dark, and I was riding high, and John didn't have a care in the world. And, you know, listen, it's a little bump in the road. It's not all roses. It's been a bump. Antonio Brown is, well, he's a fucking rapist. Well, I mean. Allegedly. Yeah mean that's a harsh one to go with

oh oh oh so now you're defending him okay John that's what I heard I heard John said I was too harsh on Antonio Brown I didn't say that it is weird like coming in today with it where it's like it's awful

it's like it's a wait and see with it where it's awful. It's a wait and see situation. I think it's a little weird that it just went to civil suit. I admit to it. There are some strange circumstances though. The one thing that stuck out to me that was weird was Deadspin. I actually read Deadspin's article on it because Deadspin's always so quick to be like, God, I'm like a pig, drain the blood, dead, dead.

And it was like, here's what happened. Something's afoot. And look, I don't know. I'll tell you this it's strange it's just i don't know what what to call it but i do know to call it strange when the thing we're all agreeing on is that he jerked off on her back yeah right like even well i don't i thought he's saying i jacked off on your back right i saw chuck chuck be like chuck if you read the Antonio Brown emails, which also, just to be clear, insane to send emails. Yeah. That would be.

If you fight with your girl or your hookup or whatever this is over email, it's a bizarre situation. It's an ill-advised text to send. Yeah. It's a crazy email. Crazy email. But we know Antonio Brown and technology technology are just like they have this weird relationship just a weird cat but when you're a social media expert and all these things like you're pretty with it could you imagine being mad at your girl and be like all right that's it

fucking jessica.smith at gmail.com subject i'm fucking mad body you bitch sends you know it's like you get the pop-up like do you want to send this without a subject? Like, what? Who fights over email? The it is. It's I mean, Antonio's lack of grammar knowledge is weird. I mean, it's like to decipher that. He was like, I think what he's saying is like he just came on her back in the sense that

like I've come on back before when I'm having sex. We had sex, and that's where I came. Yeah, okay, fine. That's just a weird way to lead off an email, too. Yeah. If you're mad at someone, you're about to have a discussion about details, just like, let me first start by saying, I sprayed cum on your back. Secondly, it's not a good situation.

I had heard some rumblings of something. I believe this has kind of been circulating in the rumor mill for a while. And it's just hell of a timing for the Patriots fans. Yeah. I had a problematic tweet in a literal sense because it sounded like I was on his side. I said, what incredible timing. Like, what a coincidence. This is stunning.

And I realize that reads as like this girl is faking it and she's just coming out now because he signed with the Patriots and da-da-da. When I met, I was more of a dig to the Patriots fans being like, oh, I hate to see that. You guys are – you got your new shiny toy and you're all happy about it. That's a pretty problematic toy now, isn't it? You want to tell me that I'm defending it? I'll tell you what, the people, I think every other NFL fan is taking,

I came in today to the office and everyone's just smiling at me. Like people are excited this happened. I know. Everyone's like, so John, how about Antonio? I'm like, yeah, man, it sucks. How about that poor girl? I don't know what you want me to say here

it sucks all i know this whole situation is that i am very glad i was not in the brady household last night because the tom brady and giselle have a little you me and dupree thing going on right now as far as i know brown that's where antonio brown is staying house guest and i cannot imagine what that conversation went like last night like i picture brady like brady goes to bed at 7 p.m so he this is actually I think it's 8 o'clock he said Listen Tom catches Jeopardy There's no way he goes to bed before Jeopardy But I can see him

Like fucking Charlie's grandfather just in bed In his like ion charging pajamas He's having his little avocado ice cream snack Turns out the lights Yeah Ugg slippers Turns out the lights rolls over and is just just so content and so happy well you know first first he talks the kids in mouth kisses them

tongues them down then walks to the hall slides into bed and you're at you're right yeah curls over my life is amazing yeah he's just like how's how could things be better than this i live in this beautiful home. I have the best football team in the world. I am so rich. There's no way anything can go wrong. He has not a single care, especially the problems he did once have were phony, but they were problems, the suspension and deflategate and the media and all that shit.

All that's now gone. There's literally not a care in the world for Thomas Brady. Absolutely nothing can happen that will ruin my night's sleep. And then from down the hallway, he just hears, Tom! Tom! Tom! In stilettos. Running up the marble staircase. And he's like, what happened here?

She starts shaking him. Tom! I want him out of the house! He's like, what are here she starts shaking him dumb i want him out of the house he's like what what are you talking about giselle what do you what do you mean what what are you talking about him him i want him antonio antonio get out antonio browses down the hall in the study like kid is in trouble and he can hear his parents yelling about him getting bad grades in school and she's like oh god this is gonna this is awkward i really it's gonna be a tough one this is it's it's honestly you mean to pre-type shit like if you have if you're married and you have your friend over again your friends stay at your house like

that that doesn't fly once you're a married man if you're anybody let alone if you are a notorious like second banana in your relationship if your wife wears the pants and she's the breadwinner and it's her money and her mansion and her life that she's allowing you to be a part of and you bring your buddy over and he's like not prim and proper if he's just drinking or hung or says bad words in front of the kids or doesn't pick up after himself or if he's accused of rape, you're in trouble, dude. I was thinking like I don't have much experience in the marriage stuff. But the – like when you were a kid and you were in trouble and you were – like your friend was over and you were trying to like calm your mom down. Yeah, yeah. Don't embarrass me.

Yeah, yeah. Stop. Stop. I'll embarrass me. Stop. Brady's like, baby, can you... I will not be quiet in my house! This is my house! I want him out of here, Tom! It's like, babe, babe, babe, babe. 19-0. You know I can't throw and catch the ball. You know that. You've expressed that

emotion. You know I need him. Do you want this or not? Come on, babe. We want immortality, right? Tom, I want him out of my house! And Antonio's just like, babe, will you please please i'm begging you i'm begging you i can sound i can yell as loud as i want in my house tom michelle's now turned russian or some shit and he's i don't know do a brazilian accent and and he just goes into antonio's room he's like dude dude come on look i got you gotta go man yeah that's where like if you're a real friend you've packed your bag you're like cinema i get it dude i understand it like it was a joint

decision it was a joint we did together we came as i you what you heard you didn't hear what you think you hear we came to this decision together but you got you gotta go man i'm sorry we got your hotel over at patriot place i'd love a social media video all black and white with some subtitles with that conversation like John Gruden. Like, man, Tom Brady walks in. Man, you know I think you're the most misunderstood guy on the planet. But, you know, the missus, like, you got to go. And people wanted Antonio Brown to destroy the Patriots from the inside. That's what Willie was saying.

It was all a joke or not a joke, but it was all a plan from the Steelers. It might have happened because Tom Brady, I imagine, drove to Gillette today, stormed into Bob Craft's office, and was just like, I can't believe I've been taking limited contracts for so long because I want to make enough money

where I have a say in who sleeps over. I want to have my friends over the house. How much money do I need to make before my wife tells. I want to have my friends over the house. How much money do I need to make before my wife tells me I can't have my friends over? If I want to have a slumber party, I got to make at least $30 million, Bob. Cut the fucking check. I have to pay half the rent, okay?

Until I pay half the rent, she makes the decisions. And look, I can't have wide receivers sleeping over unless you're paying me enough money to pay for, I don't know, I imagine that's a 40 million dollar house they live in i need to make 20 i can't i make 24 million dollars annually i can't put 20 million dollars on a house bob it's just budgeting it's just numbers here that i i once had a friend uh he i was like going back uh to pennsylvania to and he was like, stay at my house.

It's all good. We have another room. I'm like, bro, you're married, dude. I'm not staying at your house. And he was like, no, she won't care. She won't care. I'm like, yes, she will. Yes.

Yes, she will. She won't say anything. She'll be polite about it. She cares. Yeah. No, you won't hear about it that weekend probably because I'm a good house guest. But you'll hear about it. Oh, yeah.

It'll come out. You'll get it. At some point,'s gonna it's gonna come back to you there's no sleepovers and when do sleepovers end i even feel weird now like if i have a buddy who just like lives by himself yeah i'm still like agreed so when you're in college, you go to your buddy's college, you do a college visit, you sleep in their dorm, you crash, whatever. Post-college, I feel like there's a lot of – I had a buddy who moved to the city and needed to find a place, so he slept on my couch for – actually, the same guy who invited me to his house with his wife.

He slept on my couch for a month, whatever. But I who invited me to his house with his wife uh he slept on my couch for like a month whatever but i think once you're like mid-20s and have a job uh well i mean i don't know i i just i i definitely like like last year like i don't i don't think if your friend has if you're like going to the city to visit your friend you're 27 uh-huh and's not married, he's not in a relationship. Yeah. Yeah. It depends. If they have roommates, if they have three roommates.

I would not do that. No. I would get my own place. If I am imposing on a spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever, or roommates, or even if they're cool with it, but it's just like, I don't to like sleep on a couch in front of you i'm like walking around in a towel right you know i'm like it's almost it is like a i'm an adult i i can get my own hotel you know what i mean like i don't need to be like yelling to you where's the soap uh you know i ran out of toilet paper i have it's like it's a skewed because i have one buddy lives in chicago who i go see a lot and he lives alone alone is different Alone is different. But, yeah.

At that point, I feel like you can do that until you're dead. Yeah, he's got a nice couch, too. So that's an important piece. Yeah. Yeah, that's the other thing, too, is, like, if... And I'm a couch sleeper. Like, sleeping on the couch doesn't bother me. Yeah.

It would bother me if you're walking around doing life, and I'm... Yeah, yeah. Like, just, like, I sleep late. But if I can sleep as long as I want... Or, like, you know, the opposite. If you're staying up, there's a common room, everyone's asleep. Opening the fridge and fucking watching

TV. I'll just get a hotel. Plus, I want to go to a hotel and jerk off. That's the other thing, too. How close are we? Can I masturbate in your apartment? Because I'm going to in the shower. But could I do it out in the open air, too? I don't know. If not, I'm going to Holiday Inn. No, I don't think no matter where you are, your dick can't touch open air.

Yeah, no. Even if it's like your best friend's apartment. Like, I'm not, I'm not, your living room fucking climate will never smell my dick. But your bathroom will. Your bathroom will. Yeah. Definitely. I mean, have you ever not jerked off because of like your setting?

Decorum? No. Yeah. I i mean to me i mean i don't have any uh a need to like i gotta come in this room but if i if i i'm marking my territory right if i have to jerk off i'm gonna do it right well actually that's an interesting conversation for a broader topic here we'll we'll kind of spin it and uh it's it's a somber day but you know anything can be funny and so uh we posed this question last week around the the barstool bullpen and i'll pose it to you guys now it's brought to you by dl 1961 dl 1961 jeans are uh i'm gonna call it it's the most effective clothing sponsor I think we've ever had

I'm trying to think of another piece of clothing that has been sponsored not the clubs and the boxes like an actual piece of clothing the amount of people who respond when I wear the DL 1961 jeans is it's crazy it's through the roof the only thing I compare it to is the quilted hoodie,

which like launched a fucking clothing line. The amount of people who always say, would you get that hoodie? Would you get that hoodie? It's not the same amount, but it is comparable to

when I wear my DL 1961 jeans. On the rundown, you see it on Barstool Gold. If you're watching on Barstool Gold, barstoolgold.com slash KFC, you can always see what we're wearing. You can always see our shoes,

our style, what we got up on the wall. Make sure you go do that because the people who were watching on gold were put onto these jeans and uh the ones i have are the cooper slim tapered now uh they're sold out of those because you know your boy is a fucking uh what am i a maven is that what i am my maven yeah yeah you know what a maven is yeah that what I am? Am I a maven? Yeah. Yeah, you know what a maven is? Yeah. Yeah, a maven's kind of like a trendsetter or whatever, right? Yeah, at any time, yeah.

Yeah, I'm a jeans maven. How did the word maven exist, and we went with influencer? Yeah, for real. You know what? That's what we're going to do. Like, if we're talking to clients and stuff, and they say influencer, I'm going to go, excuse me. I'm a maven. I'm a maven.

You can talk to your influencers over there. I'll be over here waiting for the Maven conversation, okay? The Maven meeting. So the Cooper are out, but I believe they said that the Kingston cut and wash is the most similar to the Cooper jeans. But they've got the slim fit. They've got the different indigo coloring. They've got the different indigo coloring they got the different washes and uh i know i think the world went a little crazy with like the sweatpants jeans trend where eventually you were just wearing sweatpants that had like pictures of stitching and stuff

pictures of pockets that's a little too much now we kind of found the happy medium where he's a little bit stretchy a little bit of give but they're still slim tapered and all that so that they're stylish so comfortable affordable and i'm I'm telling you, it's funny because jeans, for the most part, and generally speaking, jeans are kind of jeans. There's different pairs, different colors, and all that. But for the most part, you think some light, some dark, some of this cut, some of that cut, whatever. These specific ones, every time I wear them, people want to know. So get your own pair. People will be asking you where you get yours.

You'll be turning heads. Go to DL1961.com and use the promo code KFC20. Easy to remember the 20 because you get 20% off all of men's products. It's DL19611961.com. Promo code KFC20 for 20% off. So it is 9-11 today as we record this. 9-12 as you listen. First of all, happy birthday to Mama KFC.

She never once cared about her birthday until all of a sudden she was upset that her birthday got cucked from her. You selfish bitch. That's a tough one. I did not. This morning I heard you and Brandon talking. You're like, how's mom doing? And I was like, what's wrong with mom? And you said, nothing, just her birthday.

I was like, ooh. That's a tough one. I'll tell you what's wrong with her. Her birthday is on 9-11. But it is, you know, of course it's a day for reflection and remembering. But we did pose a question a few weeks ago just kind of bullshitting with all the bloggers are there certain days you would never jerk off i don't know there you go i mean i didn't but not because of any like now that i've done it and you bring it up i do have

guilt post guilt yeah but never mind just for a second it's gone and you're bringing it up, I do have post-guilt. Yeah. But in the moment – Never mind. Just for a second. It's gone. Did you wake up, know it was 9-11, jerk off? Or did you wake up, jerk off, realize it was 9-11? I think it was – I must have known. It didn't really register, but I must have known. It didn't really register, but I must have known.

It's like, I never forgot. I want to be clear about that. I never forgot. If there's anybody out there who's forgotten, consider yourself a scumbag. Could you imagine, do you think,

do you think there's anybody who at least privately has ever thought, like, oh shit, I forgot. i forgot about that whole thing no that whole thing i don't think there's one person who's ever done that and i know we have to preach always remember never forget to continue the momentum as we go well i don't think anyone's ever forgotten i don't think anyone's ever forgotten I think people remember

And I'll tell you who the phonies Who can't remember Who are saying never forget You can't forget what you don't ever remember You can't forget what you never lived through Well that's the problem too I was thinking this in the shower this morning A problem with this is

It's not a problem It's a weird aspect of it Where social media is always separate it's like it's fake life it's not fake life because it is real life like yeah i say in 2019 like social media is real for very real but it's it's so different than real life but it's never more different than on 9-11 i think yes because it's if usually the phoniest day of the year on social media is 9-11. Usually it's things you're tweeting or things you'd say to someone.

Things you would, like, yeah. If I tweet about Antonio Brown. You would say that on the podcast. I'd be like, dude, did you see that Brown stuff? That's crazy. Yes. But no one would ever just, like, you woke up. This is how I know I knew it was 9-11.

You can't go on social media without seeing it. No. Everyone is just like, hashtag never forget hashtag never forget hashtag never forget if you just walked into the office and you're like yo what's up man good morning it's 9-11 do you remember it was sad and like and like everyone you walked by was just like hey never forget never forget never get like that's something you would never say out loud to a person you know it's it's almost like in uh hands made Handmaid's Tale where they have those weird phrases instead of like hello and goodbye.

You know what I mean? I've never seen it. Well, they talk weird in that movie, in that show. If you just walked up and was like, what's up, man? Never forget. How you doing? Always remember.

It's like you just have to like say these things. If you were speaking the way you talk on social media on 9-11, you'd be like a crazy person. Dude, can you give me a minute? Like if you just walked in your office and everyone was like, hey, have you forgotten?

Have you forgotten? What is it, Trace Adkins? The whole life turned into a Trace Adkins song. Dude, give me a fucking... I haven't even had my coffee. You haven't had my banana yet. I don't drink coffee.

I have bananas. Well, think about the virus attack afterwards. Can you just get a second? Give me a moment and then I'll think about the towers. Relax. Or even, I mean, I understand, especially with us,

we got a little bit of a platform. People have shows, and they have their blogs, where it's a moment to, it's an opportunity for us to maybe not always be clowning around, and maybe be serious, or maybe deliver a message. But we're the same guys who are just dicking around talking about whether we jerked off today or not and then all of a sudden you know these tweets are like it's a time for unity and a time for all that is the greatest part of the never forget stuff where it's like

well we remember the date i think the larger message of never forget was much bigger than like hey on 9-11 send us that yeah well really what it should be is like remember on 9-12 and 13 remember on may 16th remember on august 30th like continue to remember that we should all treat each other with respect and love and remember who you know we're not enemies and we shouldn't be divided that's what you need to remember i think no one has forgotten on 9-11 largely people have forgotten yeah but the the date itself. We're being serious here. Do you remember the way you were and the vibe in your community on 9, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 and maybe like for the next few months? Do you remember that? It's not like that anymore.

Yeah. It's actually the polar opposite of that now. So maybe maybe we haven't forgotten. What's even worse is hashtag. We are. We are choosing to act differently. We are choosing to ignore is what's really going on. We are blocking out.

Yes. We are acting differently than we should, than we were on 9-11. Yeah. So, but also the flip side of that is that it's almost like when there's a shooting and someone says thoughts and prayers, and then everyone's like, thoughts and prayers aren't going to fix this problem. And it's like, well, I once said that. I've definitely been that guy before.

But then you also remember that the pendulum swings back for me, and it's like, this is just a way for people to convey that they feel bad about the situation. Because, yeah, you're right, but no tweet can change this this issue you know so i'm just trying to offer some condolences and i don't know there's not that many ways to say it yeah you know there's only so many ways to say i'm sorry or i'm sending you good vibes or i'm praying for you so there's people just saying it to be nice so you don't

have to freak out the other direction if you want to send your never forget tweet and and you know speak about you know a bigger picture i think probably some of you are being pretty phony but hey whatever if you're being nice for maybe the wrong reasons or whatever you're still being nice for a day so right for yeah i'll give you the 24 hours so it's fine 9 11 is a day we're nice april fool's day is the day we don't believe everything we agree we read online you should do all of those 365 that would be a a really good live every day like live every day like it's 9 11 and april fools at the same time i think that makes a lot of sense the world would be a nicer and a and a a more intelligent place yeah i mean we just fixed the world calendar live every day like it's your last every day like it's like a calendar ends and it's kind of like split in half yeah when a month ends

yep and it's like every day should just be a box cut in half 9 11 4 1 hashtag never forget believe never believe forget never believe hashtag never believe never forget i think that makes a lot of sense i think you are really we're onto something hitting on some points here this is this is just what we do here doming hashtag never believe forget like never believe forget that's perfect we we just solve the world put that on a t-shirt. Put that on a t-shirt with a ribbon and the laughing emoji. That's April Fool's. There you go. Those are the symbols of the way we all should live our lives. The laughing emoji. Yeah, there you go.

The onion logo. I like it. If that wasn't patriotic, I don't know what fucking is. You did mention an interesting point there, too, though, the idea that social media is real life. And I think we are at the point now where that is true. And I but I think that there are there's a group of people in this world who I don't think get that yet.

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When you go to whatthefuckisthisshit.com slash KFC. So anyway, social media is... Can you hear that? Pretty good. So I think we're at a point in the world where everybody needs to understand that social media is real life. Yeah. And everybody – yeah. Like, listen. I know everyone on Instagram lives their best version of themselves, and it's not quote-unquote real in the sense like I only post pictures when I'm good-looking.

I Photoshop and Facetune. I post pictures that make me look happy. I post pictures that make me look like I travel or have more money than I do. All that shit is, quote-unquote, not real. But it's very real in the sense of, like, there are consequences. There are repercussions. It's not like playtime. It's not like you're a little forum to have a grand old time and then run back to your real life.

And the problem is is because other people it's extremely real for us it is our job so it is dead ass real all the time now does that mean it's serious all the time no we're joking a lot of time yes we're having fun it's not uh you know a a full depiction of who you are but you have to understand that it is to be taken seriously in the sense of it matters now. It's very, very real. I think people who pretend that the internet is fake, that was like something you could do when...

That's like what your grandparents did. Right. Like in 1996, maybe you could be like, that's a crazy thing. Right. Now, like in real life, I do this. Like IRL and not irl are all fucking the same in the year of our lord 2019 the internet is arguably more real than real life absolutely

it is more real what what you do on the internet matters so much it defines you it is it is who you are as a person who you are on the internet that it is with the exception of 9-11 where everything flips i'm so much more real online right if i walk into a room with some strangers i'm gonna be polite i'm gonna be i'm gonna act like i'm interested in you i'll probably be quiet i'll all that shit that's not really me when i pop on twitter online that's me what the fuck is up bitches wildcard bitches like I'm saying what I want I'm joking I'm clowning I'll talk to people I do like and don't like I mean that it's almost like the same thing with like online dating when people like not used to be taboo

now I think that's like the right way to meet people right you're in a bar yeah you you you rely your romantic life reply relies on you like going somewhere and just hoping by chance that another person shows up that you like. Or like you settled for that person just because they were under the same roof as you at the same time. No. I went on the internet where I – like there was a thousand billion people to pick from, and I found the ones that like are interested in me and all that shit. You know what I mean? That seems way more reasonable and the way you act online is is way more indicative of of the reality of the situation i don't get how people don't understand that and then and then they don't play by like the same

rules we saw it with uh keith put this chick on blast yesterday the girl who she uh she said something i guess we're starting what the fuck is teleport.com? Telegram. Telegram.com? I don't know what it is. It seems like everyone on Instagram is going to Telegram. I saw Asa was doing it today. Is it associated with Instagram? Or it's like competing with? No,

it's something. It actually looks a lot more like a messaging app. Okay. But you can have like a timeline. So a lot of people are just using it as posts. And it seems like the vibe is like you post what you can't post on instagram here yeah i mean i think they just don't have rules yet i mean right which is why it's fun that's that's why social media yes they don't have media platforms are fun when

it's like we just want all the people we possibly can i mean asta very famously has things i wish i could instagram.com now that's just going to be called telegram.com yeah uh but so yeah everyone's so we we put up a post saying we're going to go over to telegram.com and be able to post all the videos we want and this chick who's like a columnist and a political activist or some shit she posts a screenshot of it and says like oh i guess barcelo sports is going to go over to telegram.com where they can be nazis over there too and people responded being like fuck you and she posted screenshots of that saying you know look look how look what these with these guys are saying to me like in what world can you call someone a nazi and not expect blowback again in the real world

if you walked into someone if you walked up to someone and said like you know these people are nazis it would elicit a response i actually i agree that i don't know i i disagree obviously straight up disagree with anyone sending your messages and what that you're a fucking idiot just like it's real life but also just like if someone called me a nazi on stream like whatever fucking weirdo wouldn't you we would but there's a lot of people who wouldn't yeah a lot of people who would be like you don't fuck shut the fuck up you can't do that can't call people nazis that's also like it's not like someone calling you like you're a dick dude you we should take offense to being called a nazi i we should i don't think so that means you think

we are like the worst people in the world if there's no evidence to support i'm a nazi but what are you talking about again we would but a lot of people would would be like i guess you're referring to me as like the most despicable existence ever fuck you i think it's weird to respond for someone else i love the stoolies that have our backs uh i just would never ever care to like she was kind of she's talking about the fan base too like right right so if you words goes there yeah then all their Nazi fans are going to follow along. And if you are a diehard fan. So if you're a fan of Barstool Sports and you're like, you're calling me a Nazi, I'm going to respond. You know, it's like Philly fans, Eagles fans are trash.

And Eagles fans are like, no, we're not. Fuck you. Now they are. But I'm saying Eagles fans respond. Now in that case, it is a correct broad generalization. But I also would expect Eagles fans to defend themselves. So, like, you can't, you know, I don't think, I think that's someone online being like, no, I'm just giving my opinion and I'm just, like, making a joke or I'm, you know,

opining and editorializing and then, like, oh, how dare you respond? It's like, you threw the fucking first punch. Yeah, while I personally don't do it, I don't think it's crazy to be like, oh, how dare you respond? It's like you threw the fucking first punch. Yeah. While I personally don't do it, I don't think it's crazy to be like, I don't like being classified like this. You can't, you just can't have things both ways. And the same thing with people who operate anonymously. You can't be anonymous. And then if people find out who you are, or if you don't like what's now going to happen to you

in your real life. That is your real life. Part of your life is that you operate online and say certain shit online. If you're not willing to do stuff on the street you shouldn't be willing to do it online. Because it's all real life. It's how life works.

If you were to go into a bar and be a total fucking dickhead or be a racist or be a misogynist or talk violently or threaten people, you couldn't then be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is just like my bar life. I don't do this in real life. You can't come after me over there. That's a great point. I do this. This is my bar character.

Like, you don't have that's not the bar and your job and your home and your online that's all fucking the same now yeah i think whether you're you know i'm i'm talking extreme where it's like people who have like accounts that are like you know blatantly hate accounts down to people who are just like the the minifan guy the mhB, like in his, in his mind, he's just operating. Like I should be able to be left alone and say what I want about this podcast. And no matter what I say to people, I should be able to remain anonymous.

No, man. No. If you, if you start coming at people, people like people don't want to dig. If your existence is to dig dirt on people, people want to dig dirt on you.

Yeah. That's just like, that's the way it works. Or, and, and whether it's right or wrong i mean i think it's okay you could argue the other side of it but the point is you have to understand it's going to happen right whether you agree or disagree with it like that is the way it works now if you if you are doing like if that if mhb had an account that was just like an anonymous like puppy dog account, he wouldn't be worried. You're worried because you are saying shit online that is inflammatory or aggressive or could be you could be viewed negatively for it. Well, then you should have to answer for it.

If you're going to do anything that you're he was I think he was worried about like losing his job. If you're going to do anything that your employer would be mad about, that means you should have to put your name behind the things that you're saying because that means you're saying shit that's fucked up. That means you're telling Stephen Chay to fuck off and fuck you and all that shit. Then you should have to put your name behind that. I think we've always – I guess there was a time when it was – it was like we had – I never had a moniker.

It was just final version uh i mean i did it for a while but it wasn't even like even with dave without presenting it wasn't he never hit his eye it was just like that was a carrot uh that was a nickname right that was just like uh you know rather than saying dave it looks better to say like el presidente i was hiding uh and then i but i also would never like if i got caught i would have been like all right you know i wouldn't have been like no wait a minute i deserve to operate under this anonymous pseudonym like you can't do this to me if i got caught i would have been like yeah all right fuck i got caught uh and then it also did it's one thing if you're worried because you're like oh

my boss would know i work i do other work at work and i think like my boss knows at 7 p.m i'm a completely different person yeah yeah yeah right i think those are i think those are different things i think yeah i have a fake name and i really i don't think i i believe in the intersect of the internet and real life that's so much so that like i don't think you should have fake names i don't think you should be able to have anonymous accounts. I'm sure there are reasons why they're fine, like anonymous sources and stuff like that. But even anonymous sources are like checked by journalists. They're real people.

They know what they are. It's just like a leaking of information. It's not just someone who's allowed to just say whatever the fuck they want whenever the fuck they want. I don't know how you fix that. You can't like require a person to give it to get a Twitter account. Right. But the, I think it's like, I think the two worlds have become so intertwined that it's like, I mean, it's fucking cowardly.

I think to have this fake account and I'm speaking really about the people who respond to that girl, the woman who said, I don't think she said barstool fans are Nazis. He said, telegram is a Nazi platform. It's heavily used by Nazis. So she said that bros will be going to a Nazi platform.

Oh, okay. That's different. Yeah. But I think the people responding to her who called her a cunt and said she was gross or whatever. If you're going to do that, fucking be a man and just fucking do it. Put your name on it if you if you are do you think that there will ever be like a black mirror type of situation where like you have like a handle for everything it's like you're born and you get like at john feidelberg you know eight six seven five two three four and that's like your social

media account that's what you like sign up for cable with that's what you give to your employers that's it's just like the way you get on the internet and the way you the way you do your banking the way well it becomes centralized in any way because right now it's like you can have this you can have that you know but at some point i just feel like the internet kind of it's like remember when people talk about like facebook is going to like become the internet it's going to like take over the internet i don't know if that's going to happen or not but like if your facebook account just meant like everything i'd be surprised just because that means that like i mean because it would eliminate the idea of like anonymous stuff right

i mean it would it would it would only work if facebook overtook over the world because otherwise you need so many separate institutions to work together some shit you know what i mean yeah but i feel like a centralized thing i must feel like that would be like a civil war before yeah yeah because it you know the only way to really stop that is to be like remember when a lot of websites said if you want to comment you have to do it through your facebook account with your name and that weeded out a lot of the said if you want to comment, you have to do it through your Facebook account with your name. And that weeded out a lot of the people who wanted to comment anonymously. The only way to stop it would be if you want to get on the internet, if you want to comment with everyone else, if you want to sign up for this, if you want to buy this, you have to do it with your name on it.

Otherwise, there will forever be anonymous fucking bullshit. It's unfortunate. Yeah. I wish. I don't know. Because that would end like 99% of the bullshit. But I think this is a big criticism of like Jack and Twitter leadership. A lot of people are like, you can modify this stuff.

Like you can't. You should be able to tell if somebody is just using like um you know a fake picture or not a fake picture but you know like a lot of trolls will just like put a picture of their favorite athlete up or something like that yeah and it's like you like there's enough to tell if something is trending towards like a troll anonymous account and then you can do certain things like you can shadow ban and you can you can put them at the bottom of the threat like when people reply to other people and sometimes it had you have to click like see more of this i think twitter is doing a little bit of that but it's just like you can oh i'm on some sort of list on twitter no doubt yeah we we tested

it the other day or it was like i would send a tweet and it just wouldn't be on your timeline yeah something something fugazi's going on there and it's like you shouldn't be fucking with me that and that's another heavy criticism where it's like all right this comedian like ari shafir gets fucking banned because he says like fuck you to tom segura and uh or burke kreischer whatever it was and then like alt-right nazis are planning fucking rallies and they're not banned. You know, it's like focusing on the wrong fucking things here. But bottom line is all this comes back to none of this would need to be even like a thing is if everybody just put their name on it and wasn't a fucking coward about it.

Fucking anonymous doxing fucking pseudonyms. Doxing pisses me off. It might be the literal definition. That spiraled completely out of control. I feel like it was something to protect Edward Snowden. Yes. Doxing is about whistleblowers and people who are going to come under fire and scrutiny for trying to do good. It's like, oh, you doxed me.

You talk about how I doxed you, dude. I saw a real picture of you. That's what are you talking about? I doxed you, dude. I saw a real picture of you. Yeah. That's what we're talking about? I said your name. Yeah. Doxing is like, here are the coordinates in case you want to launch a rocket. Not like, here's a picture of them when they were seven.

Also, doxing is like, if you're worried about doxing, that means you're saying something and doing stuff that is fucked up enough that you should not be able to do it anonymously. You should not put your name to it. It's kind of like if you're not guilty, you wouldn't care about the NSA searching you or whatever. If you have nothing to hide, you would talk freely. I do think there's problems with that, but it does speak to the idea of like you're freaking out because it's like a guilty conscience sort of thing. You know you're doing shit that's going to get you in trouble, and you like hiding behind like a fake name. You shouldn't be able to fucking do that.

Or stay in your own troll world. You can't come over and fuck with me when I put my name on everything and expect me to just play – I'm playing at a disadvantage. Yeah, have a circle drug with all the trolls. I'm playing against a troll here. Yeah. I'm playing at a disadvantage. I'm playing against a troll here. It's like, no. If you want to talk shit or argue or debate, we can do this. But you have to come onto an even playing field and do it with your face out because I do. The only other example I think, though, where people take it too far is when you're just ruining the joke. Because I think people were saying that PFT was getting doxxed.

I don't think PFT was hiding behind anything. I think he was just trying to execute a joke. Yeah. Where it's like, now you're ruining the joke and he handled it well by being like i don't really care right you want to know my name you can know my name well honestly that's we're just trying to keep a joke going here so you can just not be an asshole and ruin the joke to me you can't be an asshole and then say oh i'm doing what pft is doing it's like no you're not yeah no. PFT's crafting a really great comedy movie. And the reason why it still works, once people did find out his name,

is because it's still just good material. Right. It's like, yeah, it probably had a little more something to it when it was totally unknown. But you still laugh at his jokes and shit, no matter if you know his real name or not. What the fuck? But other people are trying to hide behind that,

like, oh, I'm doing what he's doing it's like no you're not if you were pft you'd be pft right right the uh there was one account though was it didn't aziz ansari have a famous like fake account and then it got like ruined whatever i figured out it was him done ken tremendous yeah no it wasn't aziz i'm sorry but it was like no it's uh michael sure michael sure no so i think aziz had something wasn't it was like... No, it's Michael Schur. No, I think Aziz had something. But wasn't he like Ken Tremendous for a while and nobody knew? I thought that was like a big deal. Oh, was he? I thought it was a big deal when everybody found out.

I think by the time I followed him, he was like, it's Michael Schur. Right, right, right. I think for a little while he was like an alter ego. I just thought there was some secret comedy Twitter account, and then I think it ended up being an actor, and that did kind of get ruined. After people found out, it just ended. For the most part, if it's funny, it's okay.

It's one of those things where there's so many hemming and hawing about it. We're like, eh, I like that one, but I don't like this one. It is like, I don't know. I hadn't even thought about PFT. I guess I don't think about him as a troll account i think we're talking about people are hiding he's not a troll account he's a just a well i don't think he was trolling people like a friendly like you know i'm making like football jokes and shit like that it's when you're trolling people in a like a combative aggressive way and then you get to just be like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa

don't fucking come at me man it's like well you might have then you get to just be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't fucking come at me, man! It's like, well, it might have been a joke to you, but, like, you know, you're talking shit to all these people, and they're like, fuck off, man! It's like walking out to someone in a bar and, like, picking a fight, and they'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

You can't hit me back! I'm just joking at the bar! It's like, well, fine, but I fucking hate you! Fine! Whether right or wrong, you have to understand that's how it's going to fucking happen. All right. We got Jerry Springer on the program coming up after our voicemail.

Absolute legend. Was an awesome dude. Great stories. You can tell how he's part politician, part talk show host. He's got the gas. He's a pro. He knows what he's doing. He knows exactly what he's doing.

So he'll be up next uh but after our voicemails of course voicemails today are brought to you by arc whitening i haven't used the device yet i gotta get on that i i've like three nights in a row and i've been like all right tonight's tonight tonight's the night so we gotta we gotta get on that arc whitening is the combination of whitening strips plus the blue light mouthpiece that, and that really feels to me like you're doing something. Yeah. Like an electronic device, you plug in battery powered lights up, put it in. It feels like you're zapping your teeth white. I need that kind of stuff. It's like even brushing your teeth. It's like, Oh, this is whitening toothpaste. What does that mean? No, it's like oh this is whitening toothpaste what does that mean no it's not i want to put a strip on and like feel it change the enamel i want to put the device in and zap it with some blue light that to me is how i know the science is working uh just 30 minutes a day so you sit down watch yourself some jeopardy like i said before tom brady goes to bed you pop in the white

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Promo code KFC for $15 off. What's up, Kevinvin john uh seattle uh i just started a job and uh it's basically just repair and resale of electronics and uh there's this page on the company's website whatever

we use um and it basically tracks everything that you've you know done put the tag on it and then you can see when it's been sold and how much it's sold for. Basically, just like you're making us this much money while we pay you nothing still. It just got me thinking

you could have a bank statement for your whole life, but not just a bank statement, just from the day you were five years old and you used your parents' money to buy lemonade and lemonade stands to now, would you want to see that and why or why not? Thanks. Let me see what you guys have to say about that.

This guy fixes electronics? This is... I guess that makes sense because he doesn't know how to speak English. He doesn't know how to talk. This is the worst voicemail in seven years. That was so awful. What was he talking about the whole time? First of all, when he got to the – it got me thinking. I had a question.

Don't get me wrong. Sometimes I appreciate some backstory and if it's funny. But most of the time, you could just start right then and there. Hey, if you could get a bank statement for your whole life, would you look at it? But then that was the question, too. I was like, all right, we're finally getting to the question. And then the question sucked, too. Would you look at the bank statement?

Like how much money I spent in my whole life? Basically, that's what he's saying. Sure. Which is, I mean, there's a question there. Like how much money do you think you've spent in your life? Like things like that. How much money have you spent? How much money do you think you've spent in your life? Like things like that. How much money have you spent? How much money do you think you've spent in your life?

Um, well, you know, I don't have any now. So I'm at like zero now. So, you know, if I, if I just went salary by salary year by year,

break it even, it's gone. So, uh, throughout, you know, throughout, I've been making money since I was 18. And let's say so uh throughout you know throughout i've been making money since i was 18 and let's say i made you know ten thousand dollars that year and twenty thousand dollars that year

and then fifty thousand dollars and then and i kept adding it up whatever that number is it's all gone yeah throughout you know just for taxes on it and then it's gone that's that's a great way to put it like i have zero dollars so every penny i've ever made, that's what I spent. You guys can go back and do the math on that, but it's anything. And for you, it's everything you've ever made minus whatever you might have in your bank right now. But also, he said that you're counting, you borrow money from your parents to go to the lemonade stand.

So therefore, your college tuition gets added. Pretty big one. Oh, man. It's probably a staggering number where you think yourself, like, if you made a million dollars, you'd be obviously not set. But, hey, if I made a million dollars, I'd be rich, whatever. You probably spent, like, far more. I've spent way over a million dollars. Way over.

Way over. You know? Which is crazy to think because it's like, you know, you don't think of yourself as rich and you're not. And just because you spent it doesn't mean you have it but you have made enough money or been around enough money over the years to have spent probably millions of dollars i don't know i'm trying to do the number in my head like you are like the summation of a few million dollars which is crazy million dollars doesn't buy you what it used to buy you much doesn't get you what it used to that's for sure you could you could have you know like a uh several bedroom mansion

type of house or this think about that like think what my brain is worth oh you think it's like like my high school tuition my college tuition your your. My brain is worth so much money. No, but you actually are worth it too. Like the ideas you come up with and some of the shit you've sold. Like your brain, it's not for you. The money doesn't go to you. But you generated millions upon millions from this podcast to this ad for the boys to all the merch ideas to, you know, just the share you have of blog revenue from blogs and all that shit. Millions.

Lots of millions. Tens. My brain is fucking worth it. Now, your brain's too stupid to know how to make that money go to your pocket. But. But it makes the money. Generate money. i make it a money i don't get no money but i gotta make it a money this is why you need this is why people have like agents and shit it's like i need to corral this and put it into a bank account somehow but um that's like but i i i dropped out of college at the time when they're like now we're gonna teach we've taught you all the life skills you need now we're gonna teach you how to benefit from it right i was like i'm out i got a job fuck it so i don't need it

no no no you should stay you should stay this last semester really important it's super super important it's like i can't hear you what What? No, no. Sorry, bitch. Making 400 bucks a month. Got fucking money coming out of my ass. Go ahead and stay in college with your broke asses. It's funny how quickly, at least I, I'll speak for myself here. It's funny how quickly you adjust to like, if I was making, I don't think I ever thought I was going to make the money I make. And I'm not saying I make tons of it, but like there was a time when I was making i don't think i ever thought i was gonna make the money i make and i'm not saying i make tons of it but like there was a time when i was making 50 when i was making

like 75 i jumped up at one point from like 50 to 75 and i was just like this is amazing this is like holy shit this is incredible and if you told me then that i would be making what i made the following year and the next year and the next year, I would have been like, I'm going to be rich. And this was part of my suicide blog the other day. It's just like for every extra dollar I was making in salary, I seemed to be acquiring $2 worth of bills. Like, that is the main lesson, two main lessons here. And they go hand in hand.

Don't have kids until later speaking about guys at least i don't know i don't fuck with the biological clock but for guys because you will you don't get to enjoy your money once you have kids yeah i love spending my money on my kids and i want to see them succeed and be happy and all that shit so yeah i like it in that sense but as far as enjoying it meaning i bought i buy clothes I want, any sneakers I want, any electronics I want, go anywhere I want. I just can't even do that if I wanted to. I can't because right now I have all my bills. But even if I could, I don't have the time or the resources to do it.

And that goes into the second part is being able to travel. I was just going to say, I've actually thought recently, I think I don't want kids. You've always done the warning and all that stuff, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've always, my whole life, I've wanted kids. I mean, not my whole life. I was like six being like, can't wait to have a six-year-old. Honestly, I don't even know if you ever thought about it yourself. I feel like it's just programmed into you.

And I have this theory that I think we are the last generation and maybe already starting with you that is like, wait, I don't need to do that. I think it was so I don't know whether it was the boomers and World War II and that shit where it was like, we have to cherish life and build a family and all that shit. I think it's

back to like, this is a choice. This is an option that I do not need to do. And you can live a fruitful, happy life. You can be fulfilled and all that shit. And look, things change. I'm still an infant. So maybe in a few years, I would want kids.

Right now, as a 31-year-old, I have no desire for children. Which means I'm probably going to get someone pregnant real soon. I'm going to get you pregnant, girl. The thing about guys, too, is is like by the time you are 40 you have 10 more years right in 10 years you might want to have kids and you could do it perfectly fine you wouldn't be you'd be a little bit old but you wouldn't be like the weird old dad no you know so do that for 10 years like do the travel do the. Do the reckless whatever individuality. And then by the time you're 40, maybe you do it then.

There's just no fucking rush, especially as people are living older. It's like, I don't know. If you're going to live to 100 now, if that's going to become more standard, don't have kids when you're 28. Three quarters of your life spent with a kid. No. Terrible idea. And I mean, right now, it's just one of those things where it's like, you know, you want a swimming pool and then you have a swimming pool.

Do you ever go swimming? No. Would I be like on the Amalfi Coast right now? Would I be going to the Mediterranean? Would I be going to Yacht Week? Would I be doing all that? Probably not. But knowing I can't drives me crazy. Because what's the's the point of like yeah we're doing pretty well now we've

made we've made it on some level and we're getting paid good money and that's where you would want to be like yeah let's let's go fucking rent a fucking yacht and have and we'll sail around you know it's like are some crazy like that can't do it can't do it and you know you you're you could you don't but if you couldn't but like also you kind of can't because you like you don't get vacation but like you know what like we were gonna take vacation at the end of october guess what we found out this morning we're not going on vacation in october we got stuff to do i know and that's where that's that's our own faults where i think maybe we can just – it's crazy that every other show has an off season. Every other radio shows take basically the summer off

and have interns fill in. The guys like Desus and Mero, their show stopped for a long time and then came back. We just don't do that here at Barstool. Why not? Grind, man. It is a grind. I don't know if it's necessary.

I did have kind of like a panic attack the other day of like thinking to myself you know what's the point i really i mean that was my dramatic blog title but i really find myself saying that where it's like the point of making money is to like enjoy it and if you can't enjoy it then why are you doing it? And especially things with my kids. I don't mind spending money when they have fun. It's like we went to the park the other day. It was $120 to get tickets to the theme park, whatever.

It was awesome. But when it's recital and it's way overpriced, I'm like, this is fucking bullshit. Or I have to buy them shoes every two seconds because they grow out of it. This is fucking bullshit. When I have to pay for – I'm paying for – Keegan's going to buy them shoes every two seconds because they grow out of it this is fucking bullshit when i pay for i'm paying for keegan's going to school he's two he just turned two he shits in his pants all the time and he's going to school and they have like a soft launch he goes to school two days a week for the first three weeks he only goes one day a week because he's got to get acclimated. I'm like, we're already like halfway through the semester.

He's not even going to school. At least like babysit my kids if I'm fucking paying this money. The first three weeks, you just tell Keegan about school. Basically. You don't leave the house. You're just like, Keegan, at some point, you're going to go to school one day. And he's like, and you're going to – there are going to be kids there and some might be mean. Some might be nice.

And then you're going to have a cubby, and you're going to get a brown bag, and you're going to get a backpack. And he's like, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even speak this fucking language you're saying to me. And then that's the dip of the toe in the water. This is a great picture. It's very funny. I'm actually happy he's doing things like this.

But this was Keegan's first day of school. That's what he's doing. Just a monkey man swinging from a fucking bar. And that's awesome. But it's also like, why am I paying for that? We can have you swing from the fucking ceiling at home. I got you in a bar at the house. Sure.

He got nervous during the soft launch. So the nanny, my nanny stayed with him. So now I have a teacher and a nanny. You're paying them both. What are we doing here? I should be on a yacht with Leo. Fuck. Anyway, that was the worst voicemail ever. That guy, worst ever.

To start that, though, he was talking about how he's an electronics guy. Yeah. Fixer. I actually recently saw a documentary on this about the Apple and how they just run the most corrupt business ever. And it was like someone went in with a secret camera, body cam, and was like, how much to fix my laptop? And they're like, oof. They all take the thing out.

They're like, look, you got the red spots. That means it's got water damage, which they just – They always say water damage, right? That happens. Those dots will turn red in humidity. So it's like if it's been outside in the summer, those dots are red. And that's what, when I, mine broke. I had it for three years.

I had it since we moved to New York, and it broke. And Pete was like, they said water damage. And I was like, I didn't. He's like, you're surprised by that? I was like, I haven't spilled anything on it. There might have been like, I don't know. I don't know. Also, humidity probably, like, I bet legally they could say,

like, moisture affected it. But it's like, I didn't fucking spill water on it, on it but but so then the guy takes it to like electronic shop where i imagine this guy works like just a little like little mom and pop little mom pop shop guy fixes the computer in two minutes and goes what do you charge for they said they said it'll be about 800 bucks but a new one's 1200 you should just get a new one. He goes, what do you charge for this? And the guy said, for what I just did? Like, yeah. He goes, nothing.

I just helped you out. It was literally like a pop thing off, just like bent one piece of metal that was like a little bent, and it's fixed. And he's like, now, that's a temporary fix, probably. He's like, that might break again. But that will work. You know what I would argue? That's bad business by him.

He should be charging. Yeah. You know, it's like, OK, he's like out of the goodness of this guy's heart. Like, you're awesome, dude. But Apple made a fucking empire saying, well, if you can't do it yourself and I'm going to do it for you, you're going to pay me. Guess what? The mechanics and all that. Plumbers, electricians, they all do that.

He said he said I can give you a more permanent fix for like 200 bucks. Right. So either way, they're not jacking prices on you but yeah i mean if i if you can't do something that i can you're gonna pay for it how much stock on a podcast hey you probably got plenty of doing this shit for free that's not good not well Not good. Not well. Hi, Super Producer. What's going on? So I work with two other stoolies at this bar as a part-time job. I got a second job as a bouncer at a bar back at a bar downtown here in Nebraska. Colton calling again.

I know I call a fucking lot, but anyway, question is, whenever people ask me what my full-time job is, I don't want to sound fucking lame and say I'm just a garbage man. Like, that's fucking boring. So, to all the girls that come up and ask me,

what should my best lie of a full-time job be? Like, I heard some old episodes where there's a guy that trains monkeys that's an uber driver give me your best full-time job that's a lie i would i would challenge this guy we've we've done this before where i said uh you know funeral director is event planning yeah right so what could you say for you're not technically lying you're just uh you're just embellishing your description. Garbage man, sanitation.

Urban coordinator. There you go. Done. Done. I don't know what you're coordinating. The cleanliness of the streets. Correct. You're coordinating the disposal of waste.

Yeah. Urban coordinator. Civil coordinator, urban coordinator. This guy's a civil engineer. Civil engineer? He is a civil engineer. Sanitation. And if they say in what, say sanitation.

That was always the hardest part of when we first started this. Everything now, we were so early on so much of it that everything is almost accepted vernacular now but like one of the hardest parts was meeting friends of parents or parents of friends or just relatives or parents of uh paramours and them being like so what do you do for a living blogger i can't like blogger like i work for a sport we've said this you know countless times i work for a sports website blogger really did used to have the cliche connotation of mom's basement it's only a hobby you can't make money off it right and they always thought you can make money off that yeah and like luckily we were never what do you say now now and now it now barstool is big enough where i say i work at barstool just its own thing and and now most barstool is big enough where now most of the time

people don't ask me yeah because now most of the time people if it's as long as it's someone of someone i know then they know right like someone asked me the other day i had to like officially declare it and they and i said blogger but we're really not anymore right they were like oh and how often do you post and i was like a couple times a month now yeah you know what i mean for me it's like way down so i think what i'm technically now i should probably just say radio host. Yeah, radio host. I think when we moved to New York and I had to put something on my apartment application, I think Lou told me what to put.

I think I put something like content creator or something like that. Now we're mavens. Now we're mavens. Yes. I'm a motherfucking maven. Call me MFM. Yo, mavens are where it's at keep that influencer bullshit to the side come over here talk to the mavens yeah yeah i think broad radio hosts is and it's i actually you know what i'm gonna rail against that i'm gonna use the

new ones because that's like old hat shit what do you guys what do you i think i'll be a podcaster yeah yeah right i have a cause of a successful a problem i yeah i don't think of my radio job as like the my my most important thing here so why would i say that's like what i do yeah just to appease the old school idiots yeah fuck that man what would you say so this guy's a civil engineer he's a urban coordinator but if you're flat out lying what do you think is the best lie? Man, that's hard. I've never really been this guy. I think I said one time I said I was like the CEO or something like that, vice president of an insurance company. Vice president is always a good one because it sounds important,

but there's a lot of companies that have millions of vice presidents. A thousand VPs. That is whoever came up with that, Harvard Business School study, I'm sure, someone in finance or whatever industry realized, if you call people a vice president of something, they feel important. And then they don't even realize that

everybody in the middle management level gets that same title, because they, it sounds important enough to go around telling people, I'm a vice president of blah, blah, blah, blah. And that goes a long way. It doesn't matter here. Everywhere else in America and a lot of other industries, your title matters for that very reason. When you're at a barbecue, when you're at a cocktail, when you're at Happy Hour, what can you tell people you are?

I'm a vice president of like financial da-da-da-da. And people kind of go, okay. And it's like you're making like $48,000 a year. It doesn't mean a thing. That's something too that, like business cards. Yes. And I guess that's what, right? The title is important for what's on your business card.

We don't do either. I laugh in people's faces when they're like, do you have a business card for me? I'm like, what, man? I have a Twitter account. I had like a thousand business cards made up in 2009 when we first got, I was almost more promotion. Like I handed them to my buddies just to leave them on urinals. I was almost more promotion. I handed them to my buddies

just to leave them on urinals. I had one friend, he would lick them and stick them on windshields. I was like, that's annoying. Don't do that anymore. People are going to hate me. But it was more like street team shit. It was just like, what is this Barstool website? I don't think I've ever been to a meeting and been like, here's my card. And if people

asked, I left. One time, I wrote down my Twitter handle. On like a piece of paper? I said, send me a tweet. At KFC Barstool. Never, never. Across all platforms. Never contacted that person.

Never got, never. Never did. We never really connected. Yeah, I mean, the lying, I've said many times. I was the X Games cameraman. And what's the other one they did? I flew the planes with the sky writing ads yeah some of those are fun you know i almost feel like uh you gotta study like that's old school it's

just like you know there there was a time where like that pickup artist shit really like was a thing and it worked and it was fun now now you'll get got in five minutes seconds yeah they're like show me the pictures on your instagram you know what i mean like oh i don't have any or what's your name i'll look it up yeah and i do think girls like have evolved a little bit i think there are some things about the male female courtship that are like tried and true and will be how they are for thousands of years to come but i think there was like negging and shit like that i think used to work and i think girls are now like smart girls at least so like if you're being

a dick to me like i don't i never understood that when i was never able to do it it worked i mean i never tried but like you know i mean just talking in a mirror the art form of it was like you do it in a in a subtle way or a way that's like a compliment but a back-ended one and then they kind of are like, oh, what the fuck? And now I think, you know, don't get me wrong, being the douche and that kind of shit, girls are, they will always continue to chase that. They want to fix it. They want to conquer it. All that nonsense.

But if you're just kind of being like a dick in conversation, any girl worth her weight at this point is kind of like, I see through this bullshit. Yeah. You know? So I guess... Anyone who's seen a TV show ever.

Yeah, pretty much. Have you seen a TV show? I mean, once the... I've talked about it before. Did you ever read the book, though? The game? No. It's an awesome book.

It's like, part of it is they learn how to do it, but the story is unreal. Like, this guy was... He just... He linked up with Mystery mystery and then they like lived in a fucking mansion together with other pickup artists and it was like fight club they called it like project mayhem and they all like it was it was weird don't get me wrong but they all had

their pickup artist names they all like dedicated their lives to it but there was like i think like a few like two dozen of them living in a house together it was like a weird social experiment almost before social experiments were like a thing and i think like mystery ends up like you know i think he like got into drugs kind of went off the deep end there was like rivalries within this like pickup artist community part of it at that point when it was like a thing was kind of like oh i want to like know how to do this in hindsight that was like oh yikes but the story is like and the guy writing it i'm pretty sure neil neil strauss was his name he uh he and he had a pickup artist i can't remember what it was i think he started out like i'm gonna go write about mystery as like a writer and then like

became one it's a good story it's like an it's a compelling like uh true story the funny thing about that is too is like you know we've kind of hit the age of, of female empowerment and no slut shaming and fuck whoever you want, fuck all you want and all that. But like, and, and, and women used to always say that,

you know, a guy who fucks a lot is, you know, he's a hero and a guy, a girl is a slut. Right. Maybe I'm speaking for myself here, but like the dudes who went out to fuck all the time, men didn't like them.

No, no. It wasn't you. I guess maybe they were glorified in TV shows and movies. Well, you think of like Leo DiCaprio and those guys are glorified as such. But regular dudes, you're a fucking loser. If you made it outwardly noticeable, like, you know, let's go fuck pussy. And when you didn't get a girl that night, you were like, oh, this was stupid. It's like, dude, have fun.

Yeah. No one likes you. Like, the male sluts, at least, again, in my mind, I understand how in Hollywood and stuff like that it is depicted a little differently. But, like, anyone who I ever met who was like addicted to pussy i fucking hated them i hated being that and and i i mean and i don't even know i'm trying to think of examples of where you know the slut was is like i don't know i never was like oh get that slut away from me she has she hooks up a lot i can't like be friends with her sort of thing yeah i think i think largely the fucking

chick who was hooking up with people was the cool girl in school. Yeah. Maybe when there was a fight, someone would be like, slut. And that would be it. There's a Scarlet Letter that can be put on them if you need to. More or less. That's the hot girl who's the prom queen and king. The people who have sex are the cool people.

Poopers. Oh, crap. The people who have sex are the cool people. Super. Oh, crap. Pooper, seducer. No. Why can't I say it? Super producer. There it is. DC, hopeful as well.

Quick question that's been on my mind lately. Ten years ago, Phil Barron and Grudge interviewed at Abercrombie. Clearly, they were all just looking at the looks, and I didn't have it. The only question they asked me was, what fruit would you be if you could be a fruit? And the dumb chick, beautiful, the dumb chick said, I said to her, I would be a blueberry because I like the color blue. And she laughed at me and said that's the stupidest answer she's ever heard. Anyways, what's the right answer to this question?

If you could be a fruit, what fruit would you be and why? Do you want to do this one too? Yeah, I like this. Okay. If you could be a fruit, what fruit would you be? Kiwi. G'day, mate. Kiwis are Australian?

Yeah. No, they're from New Zealand. All right, listen. Those are the same thing. Yeah, you're the same. People tell me, no, no, no, that's a different country. No, it's not. Yeah.

You're the same. It's like when I say Japanese and Korean people are the same. It's not racist. It's just you're right next to each other. That's just a fucking fact. Yeah. I'm sure some of you are like, would you say that America and Canada are the same?

No, it's not the same. Yeah, I would. Largely. It's the same connection. Yeah, it's the same. We speak the same language. They're a little nicer, but we're the same. New Zealand and Australia, same fucking thing. Yeah, 100%. Give me a fucking break. So why Kiwi? I don't know.

I like them. I don't think anyone really dislikes Kiwis. Actively. Some people hate apples. I hate apples. Some people don't know i like them i think i don't think anyone really dislikes kiwis actively you know some people hate apples i hate apples some people don't like pears some people like bananas but you hate apples i despise them really yeah don't eat them i like an apple pie sure see i was gonna say apple because i think like apple to me is like king of the fruits yeah if a lot of people here if you're drawing a fruit if it's like you're in school like what's the picture of a fruit you pick an apple you know but i don't want to be that i want to be different i want to be subtle yeah i want to be like oh you

know what i would be what's this guy you know what's his deal he's all he's all furry i'd be let's see like inside oh he's completely different inside than he is outside i am a kiwi i'm a little different i'm a little strange a little out there right on the outside completely different than what i am on the inside. You're lacking the hair. That's all you're missing. It's a harm. You don't have the hair.

Yeah. I'm an inside out Kiwi. That's what I would be. An inside out Kiwi. Fucking, I might be the CEO of Abercrombie after that answer. There you go. They'd be like, holy shit. You got upper management written all over you.

This kid's got a million dollar brain for sure. He's an inside out Kiwi? I think I'd be a tomato. Isn't that the one that's a vegetable? You're a dickhead. Oh, a tomato. It's actually a fruit. That's like being like, what's your favorite Christmas movie? Die Hard?

Go ahead. Go ahead and challenge me on it. Challenge me on it so we can have a fight about this. I've already got my ammo. I already know this. But I do fucking love tomatoes, bro. Tomatoes are... I could eat a tomato like an apple.

Yeah, my buddy's dad does that. He did that. I won't because I'm not a savage, but I could. Yeah. Tomatoes are delicious. Oh, you eat the cherry tomatoes and they come in your mouth. Oh, they squirt everywhere.

That's why I always get the burrata at a Italian restaurant. A little balsamic glaze on there. Oh, buddy. It's fucking so good. Oh, buddy. I think I'd also... Kiwis are pretty gay, though.

It's a gay fruit. You're gay. What are you talking about? It's just gay. I'm a Kiwi. Yeah, I am a Kiwi. It's a great answer. It's a great answer.

Oh, by the way, you're gay because you got scared like a little bitch of a mouse. Look, if you're not fucking terrified of mice, mice are germ-infested diseased rodents. Vermin. Just a word, rodent. Vermin. They belong outside. Fights opened up his drawer. Opened Keith's drawer. Oh, it's Keith's drawer. I was going to say, opened up his fat kid's drawer to get

his Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, reached into the bag, and there was a fucking mouse in there, ran over his hands, and he went ahhh! I was high- his hands and he went the uh i i don't even really like i mean i like reese's they're good but they're really we i was tweeting about this last night justin's justin's are the new king of the peanut butter yeah you've been pushing justin's heart just then i also saw a tweet saying that sometimes they're dry and terrible yeah sometimes they are well you gotta get a good batch you can't be the king if you have big misses. Well, Reese's are bad every time.

Not bad, but when a Justin's is bad, it tastes like a Reese's. With better chocolate. Well, I don't know about that. I gotta test the good and the bad, Justin's. I'm gonna bring in some Justin's tomorrow. I need some dry ones to understand fully. Before we do our last voicemail, I watched yesterday. Oh, right.

Yesterday. I have a question for you. Two questions. One with a follow-up. One, what artist would you want this to happen to you? And two, we're not musicians,

so I kind of throw that out, but even just the lyrics, do you think you could do it? Do you think you could recreate some of these songs? No. I know a lot of lyrics, but if you were to just be like, okay, do it right now. Oh, I know.

I absolutely could. I think you might write your own lyrics. No, no, no, no. There's zero artists. I think there's an old question, like, there's a gun to your head to you just sing this one song word for word. What song are you choosing? None. I don't know every lyric to any song.

I mean, I know. It's a loophole. Dickhead answer. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Star-Sangled Banner. Something like that. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I couldn't do Star lyric to any song. I mean, I know the answer. It's a loophole. Dickhead answer. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, yeah. Star-Sangled Banner, something like that. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I couldn't do Star-Sangled Banner.

You can't? No? No. You might screw that up? 100%. I would screw it up right now. Absolutely. Do it right now.

Jose, can you see by the dawn's early light? What's so proud? dawn's early light or the what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming who's brought stripes and bright stars for the perilous

you're dead bro I wasn't pretending I could do it. I can't do that one. That's crazy. That one, you know, but like Happy Birthday, that would be the answer there. But I was thinking...

Honestly, I get nervous about Happy Birthday, I'd do an extra verse. Yeah. Like, no, you're going too far. The, you know, like, you think you know a song or maybe you step up and do karaoke and you can do it,

but you either have the words or you have the track playing behind you. If you had to just, like, recreate, you know, maybe you could up and do karaoke and you can do it, but you either have the words or you have the track playing behind you. If you had to just recreate, maybe you could do a couple. But this guy goes out there and redoes all the Beatles songs, and it's like, I wouldn't be able to do that. No. By the way, that movie was okay. That idea is so awesome. Someone should do that again and flesh it out a little bit more with a little more of like a thriller aspect or a drama aspect or something like that that reminds me of like uh

that movie that show flash forward you ever see that one with coach taylor yeah he lost like 12 seconds of the world like these these these big picture things like the world would change like there would be so much there's so much cooler things to dig into than just like this guy remade the music what what band would you take if you want to say you could know the all the lyrics i mean i'd probably be a rapper see that's crazy because you wouldn't you wouldn't succeed well i mean you'd have to assume that you're gonna succeed because that's the other thing by the way like no but'd get, you'd get out of it as a fake right away. Why? I don't know.

It was just some white boy went to Fordham. Well, I mean, I was going to be Eminem. Oh, okay. White boy. You know what I mean?

But even that, it's just like, yeah, I'm not like the trailer park, like tough guy. I was going to be like, I think like, uh,

Dave Matthews. Yeah. I just don't like him. I mean, I don't, I don't dislike him. I'm not a super fan. Like crash is fine. There are plenty of songs that I'm not a super fan. Like, Crash is fine.

There are plenty of songs that I'm not going to lunge at the radio if it comes on. But I don't know the deep tracks and things like that. But I think I would – I don't know. I think that's what I would fit best as. I mean, I'd probably actually be Jay-Z because he wanted to be like a billionaire mogul. But what's funny is that, like, I think that could happen in real life, and you might not necessarily just, like, be the Beatles. No. You know, it's like, chances are you'd probably just still be a middling artist

because it's like, it just has to be the right time, right place, right person. It's impossible. Right time that the audience first hears it, all that shit. All right, last voicemail of the day. Before we get into Jerry Springer, what do we got? KFC fights Supercharged producer BC, first time, long time. So I have a buddy that's married, has a kid, and he's been sucked into the dark and seedy world of VR masturbation with an Oculus.

So I joked to him that he's transferring his physical love and emotion from his wife to his futuristic beat-off machine. And his response was, I'm sorry, do you no longer jerk off since you've been married? This posed the question, if you have a significant other and you're beating off in 3D rather than regular old 2D internet porn, is it the same or more of a backhand to your significant other? I'm in the camp that when you add that extra dimension in there, it's a regular old backhand. Settle the score.

Viva. Anything that's not fucking another human is just jerking off. Just masturbating. There's levels to the masturbation, but your significant other cannot be more or less like impacted by it like if i if i go get a blow-up doll if i get some sort of rubber pussy if it's

a blowjob machine the koreans or japanese people make or if it's my hand it's all just me trying to get my own nut off until it's like and if it's a full-blown sex robot now that i don't think is cheating but i think you could worry that like, you know, you might lose a, there's going to be relationships that like end over sex robots where it's like, I don't need you anymore without a doubt, but, but it's not going to cheating. It's just because of like, I'm, I've replaced you. But I think, I think the rule is if it can touch your back, if it can, well, you know, like, like, like that, the, that, that machine that like bobs up and down the Japanese.

No, no, no, no, no. I mean, without it, not if it touches you, if it can touch you back. If you're sitting next to it and it can go. And it can reach out and touch you. If it can initiate sex. But if it's a robot? It can initiate sex. That's cheating?

That's cheating, yeah. So you can cheat with a sex robot? If the robot can be like, hey, welcome home, John. Come fuck me. Yeah. Yeah. But you still have to turn it on and off. But let's say I leave for work in the morning.

Let's say we get to the point where you can set this timer. So when I walk in at like 630 tonight, it's going to jump my bones. That's really weird. I don't know. That might be worse than cheating, if we're being honest. Scheduling your sex for the robot? Scheduling to fuck a robot. Yeah. I wouldn't. Also, that would take. I don't know. That might be worse than cheating. We're being honest. Scheduling your sex for the robot. Scheduling to fuck a robot. Yeah.

I wouldn't. Also, that would take that. That was just, that would take all the, all the fun for it. I don't want a robot to tell me when I have to have sex. Yeah.

That one time I'm about to get a horny. That's when you get fucked robot. So, but, but if, if the robot can be turned on and off and unplugged and plugged in, but when it's on it, it initiates with you

that's cheating yes and i and i think it's weirder than cheating i think i think i i would not let it i'm not letting a robot rape me let's just put it out there okay well i'm assuming your consent but even if i even if i did it would be you when you're on my turn i'd be consenting under duress i don't look if i don't fuck this robot, it might kill me. Because I've seen the movies. If I don't fuck a robot. Basically, it'll become a girlfriend. Yeah. If I don't keep this thing happy, it's going to be a problem.

It's going to be stressful for my life. I don't want to deal with it. I have no problem with thinking that it's weird and unattractive and I would maybe break up with you because of it. But I don't think you can say you've been unfaithful. I think if something else comes on to you. Okay. But what if it's a fucking ball?

What if it rolls over to you and it's got like a hole in it? Can it communicate like, Hey, what's up? Big sexy. Can you fuck me? No, it's,

it's rubbing. It's rubbing up against your leg. And it's like, it's like R2D2. I don's like, it's like R2-D2. If R2-D2 comes on to you, is it cheating? We're kind of splitting hairs here with cheating. I'm going over something I'd dump you for, and if you had a male sex doll, and you came home, and it was like, what's up, babe?

Let's fuck. I would dump you. Yeah. I don't know if I... Yeah, I would tell people. I'd be like, yeah, she cheated on me with a fucking robot. But if she hops up on a Sibian at home, you're all good. Yeah, that's fine.

I mean, even that's like... I don't think I want a Sibian. That's just like... Do you need this? I would love to talk to a regular girl who has a Sibian. Like a $2,000 sex horse in their apartment. Because I bet that chick fucks.

Probably she fucks her Sibian, though, because you're still going back to the dark side. Once you got to the dark side, you're not going back to a regular-ass dick. But I don't think I would call that cheating, but I think I would be like, you're addicted to your Sibian, girl. I just don't want to date you. But I don't think I'd say you cheating, but I think I would be like, you're addicted to your Sibian, girl. I just don't want to date you.

But I don't think I'd say you cheated on me. Again, splitting hairs. But it would get you. I'm a little touchy to the subject. Yeah, yeah. It would get you single. We'd probably have a different story to tell afterwards, but it would get you single. But so like when people are like, you know, you've been unfaithful or you broke the vows or like once a cheater, always a cheater because you fucked a robot.

I don't think that would reflect on your character. That's true. I probably wouldn't be like, oh, man, watch out dating him. Yeah, right. He fucks – I probably would actually, but it would be like for different reasons. Watch out fucking for other reasons. Yeah. But that's where we're going, by the way.

That's going to happen. I don't think – maybe maybe society well i don't think i'm gonna i'm gonna partake in that journey i don't i have no desire to fuck a robot probably be jerry springer is coming up next and he said you know he doesn't do social media because he was like too old for it he mentions that he was maybe even too old to watch his show because he kind of was phased out of it but he's living surrounded by that so we might not do it but there's gonna be people who are. We see on Saturday being like,

you fuck robots. You fuck robots. What about Whitney Cummings' robot? Yeah, man. I would fuck that robot. It's not even a sex robot, is it? Oh, it's a sex robot. It's picked out the nipples and everything.

It's a sex robot. Yeah, you guys are right. Nah, I pass. I don't trust the mechanics. Okay, so like I know a vagina can't break and just collapse

and squeeze my dick so now you're worried about the physicality yeah yeah yeah no that's what my fear has been all along I don't want to put my dick in like mechanical things

but what if the the part you're putting into is just rubber would you fuck a rubber pussy would you fuck a flashlight I have fucked a flashlight it's terrible did you I thought you lost it I found it I found it pretty recently Would you fuck a rubber pussy? Would you fuck a flashlight? I have fucked a flashlight. It's terrible. Did you?

I thought you lost it. I found it. I found it pretty recently. Do tell. It was like a hungover Saturday. So I also have a question. Did you go like this or did you hold it and fuck it? I did that down.

Yeah, so that's just almost like jerking off, by the way. I think part of the idea of robots and all that shit to me is that like you'd be doing the fucking like you'd be like laying down see i really i i don't like that at all i don't think i would like it but i'm that part of me is like otherwise i'm just jerking yeah so it didn't feel any it felt like a fucking a rubber rubber thing yeah really yeah it was no better uh maybe i'm not saying it was as good as like having sex with a human but it was no better uh maybe i'm not saying it was as good as like having sex with a human but it was no better than your hand i i i have not gone back to the well i've had no desire that was it was probably like three weeks ago and uh maybe even more and i i i have it and

then but i was gonna have this thing full of cum yeah i'm gonna throw it away because it's like it's bad i didn't clean it oh yeah i mean there's probably a child in there i think it's gonna give birth soon it was it was so immediate i was so immediately dissatisfied that i like there across my mind like we should clean this in case when you use again i was like this is one i'm never using this again put a cap on it who was it is it was uh check check see that would probably get me going i know but even then it's just mental huh well now i'm gonna fuck one too you are our pioneer you are a trailblazer yeah get one and tell me what you're thinking about i was

i was just slightly unimpressed okay i'm gonna'm gonna. I'll report back. Jerry Springer. Jerry Springer's on the show. He's brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. You know, if you're gonna have sex with your fleshlight, you're gonna have sex with a human girl, you know. You gotta clean it up. You gotta clean it up.

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for the regular price once you're in. So join the club now, dollarshaveclub.com slash KFC. Get the ultimate starter set for just $5. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash KFC. Let's talk to Jerry MF'ing Springer. Do you want me to cut out those voicemails? Ah, yeah. Those are particularly bad.

Jerry Springer's here, and he just said a very simple statement, but an important one. He said, I got this job. And my first question to you is, why the hell do you have a job at this point, Jerry? You're rich. You're successful. You've done it all.

Why don't you just ride off into the sunset and hang out all day? Well, because my next job, my final career is going to be working nursing homes. Okay. And I'm going to go on tour of nursing homes because I figure it's an audience that doesn't get up and leave. Captive audience. Captive audience. And I could tell the same jokes over and over again, and they won't notice. So that's –

Strong career choices. There you go. So that's my final. I'm going to beat you to that. I'm going to beat you to market there. So this is my next to the last career. What if we start touring nursing homes? Yeah.

I think we're a little blue for the blue hairs, but let's figure it out. We can open for you, Jer. Yeah. We got to do it. Here's Jerry. The new gig, though, prior to the last career is Judge Jerry, which is a fascinating gig to me in the sense that people just love the idea of these disputes. I mean, they've been going on forever. There's Judy, Judge Joe Brown, Judge Wapner.

I mean, there's been a million, and people still love them, and I think you're the perfect fit for the next one. Well, we're social beings, so people have always liked the drama of other human beings. I mean, 2,000 years ago, we'd gather in the marketplace in the town square, and we'd talk about what our neighbors were doing. Oh, did you hear that? Whatever. So we've always liked that.

The only thing different is now we have technology, we have television, we have social media. So now we talk about what's going on in the neighborhood, but the neighborhood is the planet Earth. So we know more about the Kardashians than we do our own, you know, someone living two blocks away. And we're just fascinated by this. So any drama, whether it's a talk show,

whether it's a court show, as long as you have television, you could have court shows. People love finding out what's going on. Do you think that's funny? I feel like it's a very popular thing to say, especially for men, especially for men in our sports world, quote unquote. I don't like drama. I hate drama.

Do you sit back and smile and go, no, you don't. No, we love it, because that's It was a drama. No, you don't. We love it because that's what we talk about. You know, no one ever says, gee, he went into the kitchen today. It's the same thing with sports. People say, like, I just want to watch football. No, you don't.

You want to hear about Antonio Brown and everything he's doing over in Oakland. You want to hear about in the NBA all the trades and all the subtweeting and all that stuff that goes on. That stuff is more captivating even in sports than sports are. You knew it early though. I mean you were on the idea of the drama and the gossip. I've ruined the culture. You have. You motherfucker.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean the thing I never knew though, I never knew that a guest on my show would become president. You know, the thing I'm ticked at Trump about is he took my show and brought it to the White House. That's not fair. Jerry, we were going to say – Yeah, I should get 10 percent of this. You are – we were going to pitch you on a new show where it is essentially that because you were ahead of the time. You were almost like James Cameron in Avatar when he was like, I had this idea a long time ago.

I had to wait for technology to catch up. Yeah. You had the politics and then you said, you know what? Let's just do crazy people. And now it's all together. And now it's all one. I am so proud. Can you imagine?

Oh, man. I mean, why don't you be president, Jared? I was born in England. Were you? In fact, I left when I found out I couldn't be king. No, I was pissed. I really was couldn't be king. No, I was pissed. I really was. So, yeah. So, no, that's never been enough.

Well, let's say we could change that rule. Oh, that'd be great. But you know what I found out a couple of weeks ago? I was in Edinburgh, Scotland, and they told me there that because I was born in England, I could be in Parliament. There you go. Even though I'm living here in America.

Parliament is actually almost that idea, the crazy people and politics. Oh, my gosh. So I am running for a member of Parliament. Oh, I'll have to talk like this, you know. Are we getting accents, are we? Oh, yes, we are. I love an accent, Jerry Springer. Yeah.

I saw that. Parliament has those clips go viral all the time and that was the one i forget his name but the guy who sits up in the high chair and he just keeps going order yes yes pass the black rod order yeah the black rod that's what they do the house of lords yeah yeah i mean your your entire uh you know existence for a long time was complete chaos and no order, right? I mean, you'd be perfect for the politics world in that sense. But I mean, you just dove in headfirst on the whole idea of fucking craziness, no? Yeah, but I didn't know it was happening.

In other words, when I got – see, I saw it out in politics, okay? So I did 10 years of that. That's all very real and proper. Yeah. It wasn't proper, but it was real. It was crazy. But anyway, I did 10 years of that. And when I finished being mayor, NBC came to me and said, when you finish being mayor, will you anchor our newscast in Cincinnati?

Because you know the city, obviously. So I did that for 10 years. The company that owned the station where I did the news also owned talk shows. They owned Phil Donahue, Sally Jesse Raphael. So Phil was retiring. So they took me to lunch one day and said, we're starting a new talk show. You're going to host it. So I was assigned to it. And then it took off. So it's like, I'm just on this lucky roll where I get handed these jobs. And now they came to me as I was ending the talk show.

And at 75, I was ready to retire. And they said, would you consider doing a judge show? Because you're a lawyer. Oh, you're right. And it's daytime television. It's your audience, people that like talk shows, like the judge shows. All coming together. It's conflict.

This is a perfect mix. It's the audience, people that like talk shows, like the Judge shows. All coming together. It's conflict. This is a perfect mix. It's the perfect storm. And so, you know, I didn't want to really retire. It's kind of like what would I do? I'm not that good of a golfer. I found out what's better than lessons, though, cheating. It's much cheaper. You know, but you've got to pay for lessons, but you just write down whatever score you want.

Cheating's free, want. Who knows? Who knows? I'm sorry. I just blanked right there. Oh, I was going to say, when you did the talk show and you had all kinds of stuff going on, did you ever fear for your life outside of the... Did you ever get a

bodyguard or something like that? Were you ever like, boy, those people were really mad today? No, because first of all, if they're coming on the show, they're fans of the show, right? No one comes on that show that – Not knowing Jerry Springer. Right. Or didn't like me. If you didn't like me, you wouldn't want to have anything to do with the show.

Well, you got money still. So, yeah. A couple bucks, right? A couple shillings here. Oh, I volunteer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, you think I do this for money? No. No, I just volunteer. Yeah. So, in other words, they're never angry at me when they come on the show. They're angry at each other, but they're not upset with me. So, you know, after the show, it's always like, oh, Jay, can we have a picture? What's a good restaurant to go to?

Just like everyday people. They go crazy when they're on the show. And when the show's over, they could have been tearing each other's wigs off. But after the show, they're just nice's over, they could have been tearing each other's wigs off, but after the show, they're just nice as can be. I was thinking you got countless bricks through your car. You do kind of take a side

maybe, or argue for someone versus the other. Well, I do a final thought at the end, but I never really get personal. I mean, maybe once in 5,000 shows I got personal with someone. But normally... Does anything come to mind? Once in 5,000 shows I got personal with someone. But normally – Does anything come to mind? Once in 5,000 shows?

Well, there was one that he was a neo-Nazi and he was raising his kid to be a Nazi. And I'd lost my family in the Holocaust. So – and then he says, you know, he says to me, you hook-nosed Jew, if I had your mother, I would have turned her into a lampshade and put her in the trunk of a car. Well, someone says that, you know, about your mom. It's pretty hard to say. We'll be right back. So I kind of got up in his face and I, you know, I said, you shut your effing mouth and whatever. And all of a sudden he stood up.

Well, he's like 6'5". And all of a sudden, you know, I go, oh, this is not going to end well. Well, security. I was going to say, you got Steve, right? Yeah. Well, security leaps up on stage, throws him down on the ground. And once he's on the ground, I'm going, come on, come on, come on, come on. Rightfully so.

I know that move. Yeah. I was a real hero then as long as I had him. Was there ever a time in the early going where, you know, you said you're a lawyer and you had this career in politics and then a real news show where, you know, you were kind of looking around at some of the people on stage and some of the stories you're doing and thinking to yourself, like, how the fuck did I get here? Or were you okay with just, you know, whatever people in my show, the exact same situation, and on late night television, we have the exact same stories except they're celebrities. They're beautiful. They're wealthy. They're powerful.

And they can talk about the very same scandals, the very same thing, and we can't wait to buy their albums, to see their movies, to buy their books. They talk about who they've been with, who they slept with, and it's great. And yet someone on my show comes and talks about the very same thing, but because they're not rich, because they're not famous, because they're not beautiful looking, we call them trash. It's the same behavior. So how hypocritical are we? We don't

like these people, people that complain about these people. It's not the behavior. It's the fact that they're not good looking. Yeah, it's just the aesthetic. Makes sense. And I'll tell you what, I don't totally disagree with it still. I think you're making very solid points. I can't refute any of them. But listen, pretty people get a pass. They get treated differently.

It is what it is, right? I mean, that's America right there. I'll buy a pretty person a drink. That's what happened. That's why no one ever bought me a drink. Get out of here, Jared. I don't think you needed it. Yeah.

What are your thoughts on your competition? I mean, I feel like you kind of were – when I think of that genre of daytime talk show that's crazy, I think you're king. But I do – Maury with the DNA – the paternity test was a big thing. Sure. Is there like a kinship with you kind of guys? Oh, yeah. You get together and have like a monthly dinner? Yeah.

Well, we're the same company, and we shoot our shows in the same building. We're on different days. So, yeah, Maury and I – i mean we don't hang out together because we shoot on different days but there's no competition oh no no no plus with television there's really no you don't compete because there's so many stations and there's so many hours in the day so in one market you may be opposite him but in the next market he's my lead-in so i want him to do well so he gives me a good audience so it So it's not that kind of a situation, and there are just so many stations that you're never really competing. Yeah, that makes sense.

That's like what Netflix says. The only thing that we compete with is sleep. TV is like there are so many channels now where it's just time. I have to thank you for – I'm 34, so I was a teenager right kind of in the middle of – You were seven years old when I started with the show. Six. But when Jerry Springer, Too Hot for TV came out, that was – I got the pimples off your face.

Goddamn right. I mean, there was, you know, it was like Howard Stern and HBO, you know, late night Skinamax and Girls Gone Wild and Jerry Springer Too Hot for TV. Those are the ways you could catch a glimpse of a boob or see something inappropriate. It was an important moment in my life. Well, a lot of people said you had to be a boob to be on my show. Did you ever take any offense to the idea? I mean, I know you

described the elitist, but you just kind of laugh in the face of people that do that? Show them your wallet? Look, it's not a show I would watch, but I'm 75. In other words, when I was in college or when I was your age, yeah, I'd be the first one to try to come to the show,

get a good seat, the whole bit. So yeah, it's age-related. But when you're an older man and you've got family and grandkids, no, it's not my taste anymore. But you watch different shows now than you would when you were seven. Right, right. So yeah. Well, maybe not us specifically.

We're kind of spinning our wheels here. Normal people, sure. They've matured. I've been pretty stuck in this. So no, I never – it's different than politics. In politics, people really dislike you if you don't have their politics. In show business, no one hates you. If they don't like the show, they don't watch it.

You don't run into – I don't run into that because it's entertainment. See, that's changed I think because there are plenty of people who don't listen to us, read us, and I'm talking about the company as a whole, who just despise us. And I think that's why it comes with the birth of social media and things like that. That's like being in politics because you're a sports show and you may say things about the teams that they love. But it's not real. They don't fall asleep at night hating you. You know what I mean? I think we have some.

No one in the street would come up to us. But I think we have some people who they have the vood come up to us, but I think we have some people who have the voodoo dolls and things like that. Fan bases are crazy. You kind of never had to deal with this. Are you on social media now? I mean, the show is, and Judge

Jerry is, but I don't. It's different. Fan bases can get nuts, I'm sure. I mean, how many times has someone just chanted Jerry at you? I mean – That's literally every day. I'll tell you the – oh, I'll tell you the one tough circumstance where it chanted. They're always chanting Jerry, Jerry.

My wife says, at your age, they should start chanting your address so you know how to get home. Yeah, because I forget everything. But, yeah, one place where it was kind of uncomfortable, I guess I was at a Bengals football game, and it's halftime. And, you know, you go in the men's room, and you've been in the men's room in these stadiums there. The urinal is like 20 yards long and you have literally 500 guys in a men's room at halftime, you know, relieving themselves. And I get spotted in there. So 500 guys are chanting, Jerry, Jerry, as it's my turn at the urinal.

I have pressure. There's enough pressure going on without guys behind me going, come on, Jerry, Jerry. I'll be right with you, all right? I felt like turning around and getting them. You asked for it. What? What is it? That's unbelievable.

So Judge Jerry is the new show, and I'm assuming we can expect the same old type of fireworks. Well, no, actually. Or is this a new take on it? It's a real court. Yeah. So I have to be serious because the decisions I make have legal validity. They can't then go to a court of common pleas and get an appeal. So when they file these suits in any of the 50 states in America, they have no idea one day they're going to be on television.

It's a million to one shot that you're going to get a call from us. So we have people that every morning check in every lawsuit that has been filed in America. And if they find – if our producers or the people, the stringers we have, find a suit that they find interesting, they call the plaintiff and the defendant and say, would you like to have your case adjudicated on national television with me as the judge? If they say yes, we fly them to Connecticut and we do the show. But it's not like, oh, let's file this suit and we'll be on television. You can't. So people don't file the suit with the intention of being on the show? No.

They're just filing a real lawsuit. I didn't know this. These are real lawsuits that have been filed. Has it always been that way with all these shows? Yeah. Oh, interesting. Yeah, with the courtrooms. They're all pretty good.

So it's nothing like, oh, this will be great. So no one's embellishing it. Well, that makes sense because it does feel real. I mean you can feel the grudge. It's totally real. You can feel the hatred. And therefore I have to be sincere with the judgments. I can't make jokes about that.

I'll joke around a little bit in the trial just because I can't help it. But when it comes time to making the legal decision, that has to be serious. Are you involved in the selection of the cases at all? No. No. No. Do you know this? No.

Well, a judge – right, because a judge wouldn't be anyway. Well, that's true. You show up in court and say next on the docket and who's ever next on the docket. That's the case you get. What's here, I know the cases will be interesting because the producers only call the people with interesting cases. What's the – can you give us a peek of maybe one of the most interesting ones? Well, one of them that I've just been dealing with last week was a guy shot the neighbor's dog with a shotgun. Killed it?

Knocked the two back legs off. Holy shit, Jerry. Yeah, and the plaintiff, of course, filed suit for the dogs alive, but for the vet bills. But there's a whole bunch of – there's a twist to it. Oh, a little tease. You are a professional, aren't you, Jerry? I mean I am. I'm sitting here racking my brain trying to think of a way in which you could maybe rule in favor of the guy who shot a dog with a shotgun, Jerry.

Well, if that's not the only option. For the longevity of your career, I hope you went with the victim here. Yeah, but it's not just a matter of which side you go to. It's then for how much and are there extenuating circumstances or is it contributory negligence? I mean, there are other elements that suddenly get into it. I mean, I'm hooked. I got to figure out that one. So what you got to do is the moral answer, the quick answer is obviously what justification do you have for shooting a dog?

But there could be some circumstances which lessen what the final penalty will be. So it's not just guilt or innocence. It's also what's the judgment. Interesting stuff. Factors that come in there. Well, we've been doing this blog stuff for 10, 15 years now, and there's always been viral clips and classic moments from all those type of shows. So we're looking forward to it with Judge Jerry as well.

Well, I appreciate it. Some of the best entertainment there is. And obviously the talk show was iconic stuff. Good job, Jerry. You've had yourself a hell of a career. Oh, man, thank you. But right before we head out, we started the interview before we were on air. You are out on

state fairs, right? Oh, yeah, state fairs. Yeah, because when I was in politics, I had to go to them all the time. Jerry Springer says state fairs stink. State fairs and county fairs. All fairs. Fairs in general. Well, I won't, you know, I didn't use the word stink. I said I was tired

of going to them. Yeah, I paraphrased for you. And I'm going to continue to do it. Once we're off air, I'll be like, yeah, Gary said this. Oh, yeah, and you have to milk the cows. Yeah, who wants to do that? And the chip throwing. You ever been in those? I've never been, Jay.

I'll never go. Cow chip. Oh, you've never been? Wait, you throw in the cow shit? Cow chips. Yeah, but we're saying the same thing, right? Yeah. Oh, goodness gracious.

Well, thanks. I'm out on that. Oh, they're great fun. And the food. No, but we're saying the same thing, right? Yeah. Oh, goodness gracious. Well, thanks. I'm out on that. Oh, they're great fun and the food. No, no, no. Don't change the tune now. Oh, man. I wish I could go. Harry Springer hates your fare.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah. Well, I got to be fair.