KFC Radio - Anders Holm Interview | The Great Providence P*ss Fight of 2006

Episode Date: February 24, 2022

Subscribe, Rate, share, and leave a review! 0:00 - Feits is Coming in Hot 5:09 - Witnessing a Mugging 14:44 - Feits Witnessed a Mansplaining 20:35 - Biz is the Best 34:50 - AITA Goes OFF THE RAILS 1:12:00 - The Great p*** fight of 2006 1:31:51 - Gummy Candy 1:36:18 - Voicemails 1:55:58 - Anders Holm Interview Tweet at us: @KFCBarstool @FeitsBarstool @Ders808 @Nickhammy5 @mikeypavss @jnics415 @macczack21 Support the show! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Travis Mathew Visit https://barstool.link/TravisMathewBSS and use code KFC for 20% off. Felix Gray For the best blue light glasses on the market, go to https://barstool.link/FelixgrayKFC Freshly Go to https://barstool.link/FreshlyKFC for $40 off your first two orders. Sling Go to https://barstool.link/barstoolsling to sign up now and try it free WhistlePig Visit https://barstool.link/Piggybackcraftcocktail for more info and make sure you grab a box in select stores! Dodge Now Hiring: Dodge Chief Donut Maker. $150k Salary, a Dodge Hellcat, and a year of epic adventures. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I like when Jackie's gone. The guys can talk. I mean, guys. This little guy talk for the boys. You know, when you cry jerking off, fellas. I'm angry hot.

I'm physically hot. Oh, let's go. What's up? The book's out. That's a different thing. Fine. I'll go. I'll fucking go right now. I had angry hot. I'm physically hot. Oh, let's go. What's up? The book's out. That's a different thing? Fine. I'll go. I'll fucking go right now.

I had a rip. I overslept for the first time in forever today. What? Are we telling truths or lies? I think so. Yeah? I didn't oversleep. I didn't oversleep for a long time.

I haven't gotten up so early. It's so annoying. Okay. I woke up at 9.34. I had to pack for this weekend. I got no drip for my trip. I have three separate events this weekend. I got to go to a Promise College basketball game tonight. I got to go to a Whistlepig fucking meet and greet Thursday.

I got a bachelor party this weekend. I don't to a Whistlepig fucking meet and greet Thursday, and I got a bachelor party this weekend, and I don't have a single outfit for any of it. I mean, what are you doing? I've never had this happen to me in the history of my life. You're gonna be the worst dressed guy in every event. I couldn't even tell you what I packed. I hope everyone else dresses with so much drip for their trip

at the Whistlepig event, and you just sit in the corner like Steven Glansberg with an ugly outfit. It doesn't make any fucking sense. How do you not have clothes you like? Oh, because the weather changed on me, Kevin. I woke up, and oh, by the way, we're in a new season now, apparently. But that's only going to last today. That takes fucking practice.

You've got to get ready. You've got to be in mental prep to get ready for a complete season change, a complete outfit overhaul. The wardrobe is gone. Yeah, no, I got nothing. I was like, do I even need a jacket? What about an overcoat? Oh, I can't fit overcoats

because I got too many fucking pants. I need a pants season. Who fucking knows? It's a mess. It's a mess. Luckily, I think I'll have enough time to shop in Boston on Thursday. But...

Luckily. Good news. We're back to being the gayest podcast. It's fucking nuts it was like out and about held the crown for about 48 hours there

but we're back yeah now I got fucking no drip for your trip is a harrowing experience no drip for my trip Kevin so what did you pack

I have no idea I'm just throwing shit in a bag well again I think I rolled up I think I just woke up with my own volition I think at like 9.34

something like that oh so you didn't even there's a chance you could have slept to like noon who knows what time it could have been I was up last night

watching fucking Inventing Anna which I quite like yeah I'm only on like episode 6 but so far so good and I also did a podcast last night at 10pm

did you see that? oh yeah that's what okay that's what happened the 10pm podcast and then he wasn't he like showered or something? he came out of the shower? And I also did a podcast last night at 10 p.m. Did you see that? Oh, yeah. That's what happened. The 10 p.m. podcast. And then wasn't he like showered or something? He came out of the shower? He was busy doing Peloton.

Like, what the fuck were we doing? Why were we doing this at 9 o'clock? If you're doing a Peloton from 9 to 10. He factored in his workout for your podcast time slot. That is the most disrespectful thing that's ever happened in history. And then we were waiting for... Why don't you do your Peloton from 10 to 11? Yeah, yeah. Podcasts from 9 to 10, Peloton from 10 to 11, you son of a bitch.

Son of a bitch. An absolute son of a bitch. That's a son of a bitch move. You're a real son of a bitch. And he asked me, is it too late? It's too early, you dumb asshole. It's 10pm on a fucking Tuesday night. That's almost as late as one can do a podcast in a day. There's almost no hours left in a day.

We're almost to the next day, Dante. And then Dante gets on, everyone else is a little late. Dave was on time, I think. And then Colin, very nice guy, host, he was late. Who's Colin? Why is he late? He goes, guess what? He just left the bar. He'll be here in a minute. I was like, what do you mean he just left the bar?

What are you talking about? It's 10pm on Tuesday. Why didn't we do this shit earlier? I will tell you what, man. These kids, these newcomer podcasters, they don't know the fucking game, man. They have no respect for the game. You're doing workouts. You're going to the gym. You're going to the bar.

Just don't do those things. Do the podcast first. Let's do the podcast first so I can chill and watch Inventing Anna. Everybody do the podcast at like 5pm and then you can do your bar and your gym and your TV. That's what people do after work. It's called work. Almost exclusively those are the two things people do after work. You go to the

work during the work hours so that you don't have to do the work stuff later. It was. When he showed up shirtless with a shirt slung over his shoulder like Fabio on the beach, I was flabbergasted. Absolutely flabbergasted. And what did you do about it? You just did an hour and a half podcast anyway, didn't you? I did about an hour podcast.

I think I done 1050. No, that's not right. I took one picture and remained silent until I got on my podcast only I said anything to anybody at any point I'm going to roll that into a new another thing I got here another thing I remained silent on yesterday

watching a mugging oh you're not a hero you're not a hero I don't expect anything else from you it was a mugging. Oh! Yeah. Well, you're not a hero. You're not a hero. I don't expect anything else from you. It was a mugging. Okay, Matthew Stafford. It was a reverse mugging, okay? It was...

I was walking home. I was walking by... Reverse mugging? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does that mean? It was a man trying to get his belongings back. Oh, okay. It was a man...

So I was walking by 7-Eleven on 7th Avenue. It's by the Copper Still. Let's call it 7th. Let's call it 22nd and 7th. Is this the one you were caught smoking a banana and eating an urn? No, no, no. That's over at Murray Hill. Gotcha.

Oh, I know that 7-Eleven. Yeah, it's 7-Eleven. That is like the 7-Eleven. Murray Hill 7-Eleven is like an oasis in the desert. Yeah, I once left my phone at that one for 48 hours and then went back and got it. Because I left it for collateral to buy cigarettes. And then just left my phone there. Real trash bag movie.

That's amazing. But so I was walking home, my mom was in his headphones and no music playing. And I see some guy on the left side of me going, like, coming. The moment I saw him, I was like, that dude just stole stuff. And he was white. How old? He was, like, I don't know, homeless-aged. And he was doing a strut like this.

And, like, he looked like the Grinch. After the Grinch had just stolen all the toys, he's tiptoeing out. And like, he looked like the Grinch after the Grinch had just stolen all the toys. Sure, sure. He's tiptoeing out of there. Yeah, okay. And he was doing that down Seventh Avenue.

As if his footprints on the sidewalk are making too much noise. Yeah, it was like he was slinking out of Seventh Avenue and then

he kind of scurries beside me and then I'm right on the corner like I think 22nd and then someone chasing him takes the inside curtainurries beside me. And then I'm right on the corner, I think 22nd. And then someone chasing him takes the inside curtain. And he bumps me. And he hits me.

And I kind of look over here. And is he homeless? Nope. This is a 7-Eleven employee. Okay. Wow. And he looks at me. He's like, sorry, sorry, sorry.

And I was like, it's cool. It's a little bumpy. Fine. And then he goes on chasing this dude who stole two Modelo 12-packs. It seems to be all he stole. So he's got two Modelo 12-packs. It seems to be all he stole. So he's got two Modelo 12-packs. He's still tiptoeing. And this guy chases him, and he's screaming at him.

I can hear it because I don't have fucking music in my headphones. I never do. And I'm like, guys, guys, learn to fix this problem. And he's, like, grabbing the guy. He won't give up the Modelo's. He's looking at me like, bro, are're just going to sit here and watch this. I'm looking at him like, bro,

are you just going to fucking get mad about two guys stealing two Modelo's from you? And he won't, the guy's kind of swaying and they're kind of like going like this. And then he pushes the guy, he falls. And then they get on top of him. He starts rolling around and he's looking at me again. Like he's like,

like, like dude, almost, almost as if the apology has bought my loyalty. And I was like, dude, I'm not coming to fight a homeless man. I'll give you $20 if that's what you want. I'll pay for the fucking beers. But why is he – why are you wrestling?

You work for a major corporation. Bro. And he stole, I don't know, $26 worth of beers. I'm almost certain 7-Eleven is one of those places where they tell you don't get involved. Absolutely. Guaranteed. Absolutely. It was almost like the guy when Rappaport filmed someone.

You just let those people steal. Yeah, he sold them Walgreens. I think they'll survive. He stole $20 worth of shit. It's fine. Two cases of beer, not a big deal. It was. It does make you feel, though, like I think those –

I think they let homeless people steal two cases of beer. But it got me thinking. I remember being like, what if I – you know, I'm like 25 years old. I was like, what if I just steal these beers? And then they would stop me. You know what I mean? You think so? I do.

I feel like it's like – because I think they would know deep down. We were told. We were told very clearly. As soon as they get up, you can do stuff stuff like can I help you with the bags for that or you know what goes great with that product maybe they would call me out on it and just bank on the fact that I would freeze up like a little bitch

but I still feel like if I were to try to run out they'd be like you're an asshole you can pay for these beers you dumb dick but either way there was a video from... You know what he ended up doing, though, which I think was this I tipped my cap to. Ended up being real genius. Dude, he threw a shoe at someone.

Who throws a shoe, honestly? I don't know whose shoe it was, but I'm going to guess, though, I'm going to guess it was the homeless guy. That one would probably come off easier, if I had to guess. And he just threw a shoe at him as the guy ran away. But what he did before the guy ran away... Wait, so the 7-Eleven guy is running away?

No, no, no. I think the homeless guy was running away sans shoe. Oh, and the guy threw his own shoe back at him. Threw his shoe back at him, yeah. That's not great. That's how you lost the tussle. But what he did, which is kind of sneaky genius, was

not something I do, kind of a dickhead move, but also sneaky genius, was when he realized that this homeless guy was willing to wrestle in trash for these beers. Not to mention you're just wrestling like a homeless guy. A homeless guy, yeah. It was – He'll fuck him. It was – I couldn't believe my eyes.

Yeah. And he – when he got up to run away against a homeless guy, he fucking just pulled the back of the beers. So they all just dumped out. Smart. And then he's like, fine, no one gets the beers. Yeah, yeah. Which is like a ticket.

Give me the homeless guy. Oh, I keep mixing it up. So the 7-Eleven guy. 7-Eleven guy did it. Oh, that's just, yeah. Come on. You know what I would have done if I was the homeless guy? I think I would have thrown one of the cases up in the air.

And whacked him with the other case. That would have been pretty good. Then you would at least steal one case. Yeah. Then you can just run with the one case. Hopefully it doesn't explode, but it's smart. Well, the one throwing I was probably going to explode. I mean the one you hit him with.

Yeah, I don't know. It could rip open. It could rip open. You also then run the, you know, now you're wanted for assault. But also, like, what is he going to say? Good news for you, bro. You're homeless. The homeless guy in the park?

Yeah. Whatever. Send me to jail where now I get shelter. Thank you. But it was also, like, as I was thinking, I was like, this is, like, with the Rappaport thing, where, like, some of the good films would be like, New York's going to hell. Yeah, because someone sold fucking $26 worth of beer from a major company. There was a video in my mall, the Westchester Mall, which is up in Westchester County, obviously.

And it's a pretty bougie one. And they robbed the Louis Vuitton store. And they just ran up in it and, like, grabbed all the shit off the shelves and grabbed shit off the mannequin and then ran out of the store but they're in like an indoor mall check the you'll see the um security guard in a moment he's just chilling outside yeah and and the employees are struggling there's a tussle they're ripping things they've got masks on i don't know maybe like ski mask and then they just run and then they just hop on the escalator they just like slowly go down the escalator and the the uh security guards in the mall dress like look at

him just chilling they uh the security guards in the westchester dress like uh like like state troopers yeah that's exactly and he was just like sitting there just absolutely chilling. Because the only security who like will ever do anything is like, you know, like private security, like bodyguard security. Like former Marines. Yeah. Otherwise, you're just like, you know, high school educated. Like I needed an hourly wage. Like I'm just here to, you know, you're a deterrent to people who don't know the rules. Because I would walk in there and be like, oh, my God, there's security there.

The scumbag thieves are like, that guy doesn't do anything. The only security that does anything is the security that wanted to be a cop but couldn't pass the mental eval. Right. So you do run the risk. They wake up every day looking for a firefight. But you do run the risk of that. Because what if you're like, all right, these guys, they only get paid $10 an hour. They're not going to fight me.

But you pick the guy who's like, I've been waiting. The guy's like, actually, I'd pay them $10 an hour. Hey, I'm not going to let you say you're fucking dead, dude. I mean. What do you guys think about finding this homeless guy, bankrolling him, suing 7-Eleven, say he hurt his neck. There you go. And then we take half.

And we split the profits. I'll pay for some legal fees. He was in a winter jacket with a hood up. I do believe ultimately... It would be more difficult to find than expected, but he'd have one shoe. Although maybe he's recently acquired it, others come into some money. If there are any one-shoed homeless people listening to this,

you could be compensated for damages. For mesothelioma, call 1-800-KFC-RADIO. Today's episode is brought to you by Felix Grey. Five years ago, Felix Grey Glasses, they said we're going to set out to create some eyewear to help out with daily screen time. I got a message the other day. For the first time ever in my life, my screen time was down. Really? Yeah.

Probably because half the week I was in Vermont. So it was down 26%. I was like, okay, yeah. And then I was like, wait a minute, that doesn't count. Because normally I'm staring at a screen until my eyeballs bleed. And that's why I rock my Felix Grey glasses that filter out the blue light. Their lenses filter 15 times more blue light than the stuff that puts the digital strain on your eyes. So you start to sting, you start to water,

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Whatever Earth looks like in 20 years, I don't think I need to see it. Cash out, please. Thank you. Did an interview with Gary V talking about how we still have so much time left on Earth. No, we don't. Hopefully not. I don't want to be here for 20 more years. A lot of things go right. But while I am here, I do want to have eyeballs that work. And so I'm going to rock these

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You know what I forgot to mention this morning? I guess it was implied when I said what time I woke up and what time it is now. This is my first time not showering in the morning. I couldn't even tell you how... Luckily, I did shower last night. I was going to say yesterday it was so hot here. I left here just

slick. It was disgusting. I worked out at home. It's hot, sick and sweaty. I'm itchy. I guess I'll have to travel later. I have to go on a train later. This is the worst day of your life. I have to go right to a basketball game. This is the worst day of your life. It's not going sick and sweaty. I'm itchy, yeah. And guess what? I have to travel yet later. I have to go on a train later. This is the worst day of your life. I have to go right to a basketball game. This is the worst day of your life.

It's not going to be fun. Why don't you shower here? Go to that one shower. No, thank you. I don't think you have time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this day sucks.

We don't leave for six hours. I don't think I have time for a shower. Stay really honest. We have podcast interview, podcast interview. Leave. Brutal, man. Yep. And then you go to a Providence basketball game,

which I know is your favorite thing in the world. I'm going to a Taylor Swift concert. And then are you going to do that at a timeout and then just leave? They only do it once. Right. No, I'll be there. I'll be there until the end. Dude, I'm a fucking friar.

You're a friar. You are a friar. I'm an alumni. There's a chance. Excuse me. Sorry for a chance. Excuse me. Sorry for having some school fucking pride. Is there a chance they stormed the court tonight? No.

Who are they playing? Xavier. Yeah. I'm going to convince people too. You being a... The last event I was at, by the way, I went to a Bruins Rangers game. I heard behind me

the most explicit case of mansplaining in the history of the world. It was honestly impressive. I believed in mansplaining, but I've always kind of thought that, like, that guy's just a dickhead, and he'd be a dickhead to everybody. And you happen to be in his crosshairs right now.

He's a fucking annoying asshole. And there's also no way you can really convey that message without mansplaining it. So it's one I've harbored pretty closely. I've dropped it. I've tiptoed around it. Sometimes you need to explain things and I happen to be a male. I don't know what the fuck you want, man.

Sometimes girls don't know shit. You asked me a question. How am I in trouble? Listen, if you're being honest, girls don't know a lot of shit. That's just a fact. And I know everything. Here's the thing. Guys know dumb shit.

It's almost a testament to how smart girls are. That they don't know dumb shit. And we know dumb shit, so I'll explain the dumb shit to you. If I'm mansplaining, you're smarter than me. Girls explained math projects to me in school, and now I can't explain fucking Marvel movies. And crypto. No, you can't.

No, you don't own that ape, okay? It's his ape. What are you crazy? You think you have the ape just because you saved it on your phone? No, it's his ape. You know what is so funny to think about? Do you think that when we switched to paper money, girls didn't know it and guys were like,

you don't understand, man. This paper represents the gold back home. This is a new form of currency. You just don't get it, girls. And meanwhile, the whole time on TV were commercials for money, and she's like, I've never seen commercials for money before. And he's like, it's money. I swear to God, it's fucking money.

It's good as gold, really. Seriously. What was this guy man's winning? It was hockey. And it got to the point where I was stepping in as much as I step in, which is I was just saying. You got involved in some strangers' conversations? No, I was talking to my friend.

Loudly? Loudly. Yeah. Because he was making fun of her for not knowing things, but he didn't know them either. Like an icing call would happen. It wasn't a teasing, playful man it wasn't like like fucking he's a dickhead don't get me wrong but it wasn't like like fucking abusive and uh it was like he's like

you probably don't even know what icing is and she's like i actually i don't you're right like i don't give a fuck i'm here i'm like a hd with you asshole i don't fucking know i'm not on an episode i've got a scene from slapshot right now so I don't know Icing when the puck go down and he's like it's when the guy shoots it from

before the blue line and I was like actually it's red line and then I was saying to my friend I was disguising my interactions but that stuff came

he was a dickhead for long enough where I was like alright I'm gonna start saying things and then there was another one where he was like I forget what the call was.

It was like a fight. It was so clearly not a cross-checking penalty. He's like, it's cross-check. That's a cross-check. You can't do that. You can't cross-check, guys. I was like, he punched him in the face. It's not a cross-check.

And then I forget there was another one, but it was difficult to listen to. I'd like to come here and apologize to all women mansplaining I listen not everyone can be as great

of a hockey analyst oh he asked if the game was over after overtime it was a shootout it was a shootout Bruins lost to the Rangers in a fucking shootout

and he asked if the game was over at the end bro you've been explaining the game of hockey to this woman for three and a half hours at this point and now you ask someone else

the game is over? Yeah, listen. After a shootout? No, there's more. Now they play a fifth period. That was the halftime show. What the fuck do you think just happened, dude? Not everyone can be as smooth of a

hockey analyst as our Paul Bissonnette. Oh? Who is truly, genuinely the Charles Barkley of hockey. Yes. He is going to be, if not already, just one of the biggest thing in hockey. He's hockey's great hope. Yeah, no, seriously. Basketball is so star-orientedoriented both on and off the court

because obviously the superstars on the court are huge. But then you have the guys like Shaq and Kenny and Charles that really do so much for the game, and Biz is alongside Wayne Gretzky doing that. But Biz is carrying the load. Absolutely. Absolutely, because he's funny. He's got charisma. I don't know what clip you're about to say but there was one when the

bruins played the uh excuse me when the bruins played the um abs i don't know it's called a month and a half ago when uh mckinnon got hurt in the first period then landis cog is a clean taylor hall hit and landis cog spent like the entire second period trying to get Taylor Hall to fight him. And the avalanche ended up going down two men. Bruins went up two goals. And after that period, they were talking to Biz about, like, why would you do that? Like, why would you consistently try and hurt, not hurt, but fight a player and rough player up to the point where you get a bunch of penalties. You go down two goals.

You probably lost the game. And, like, what's the point of it? And Biz was like, you know, I don't want to speak for another guy's mental, like, motivations. You go down two goals. You probably lost the game. And what's the point of it? And Biz was like, you know, I don't want to speak for another guy's mental motivations, but here's the deal. It's a game in January. Landis Scott is the captain. What you want to do is you want to make sure that your guys know you're going to protect them. Your guys are your guys.

You also want to let the other team know that this is a tough place to play. And you build that culture in the locker room. No matter what, this is our house. If one of our guys gets hurt, this is a tough place to play. People build that culture in the locker room. No matter what, this is our house. If one of our guys gets hurt, this is a tough place to play. People pay for that shit around here. If you lose a game in January, so be it. Whatever.

But that's a game you sacrifice to set that culture, set that tone. Landis Scott gave an interview after the game. Is that the exact same shit? It was fucking like he was quoting Bill. It was crazy. And Landis Scott admitted. Knowing those guys, he probably It was crazy. He might have been. It was. And Lance Hock admitted. Knowing those guys, he probably watched the clip before he went out there or some shit. He admitted it.

He's like, yeah. He's like, you know what? It probably was a clean hit. It was a freak accident. But still. Hall hit him. His own stick hit him in the face and busted his face open. And he's like, it probably was a clean hit on second watch.

He's like, but we've got to make sure it's a tough place to play. Well, no. See, that's the thing. So Biz is like a savant like that. It's like Manny Ramirez. He just like, but you know, we got to make sure it's a tough place to play. Well, no, see, that's the thing. So, so biz is like a savant like that. It's like, you know, Manny Ramirez, like, you know, he just knows the sport of hockey. Um, he also, uh, reads at a third grade level. Oh yes. Yes. Uh, last night, last night, uh, there was a clip that spit and chiclets posted and Biz said, oh my goodness look at that wingspan

like a pterodactyl. How do you think Biz, let's play this game, how do you think Biz spelled the word pterodactyl? Oh wow. I think he's kind of close. I think he did it super phonetically. Well yes,

but that's not super close. I said kind of close, super phonetically. I think he did it super phonetically. Well, yes, but that's not super close. No, but I said kind of close, super phonetically. I think he did it like no Peter Y for sure. Yeah, yeah. Like Tara, T-E-R-A, Dak, D-A-C-K, tall, T-U-L-L. He did T-E-R-I, D-A-C-K, T-U-L-L. And this is last night. So I see it this morning, and I text Grinnell.

And I go, is this some sort of troll, like a running joke or something like that on Chicklets? Or is this, like, for real? He goes, oh, no, it's for real. And then Grinnell goes, I got to be honest, I'd probably spell it the same way. Sends me a screenshot of him Googling it, and he goes silent. Can you spell the real way? Alright, I definitely knew about the P.

Yeah, here I am talking shit, and I'm like, I don't even know. I knew about the P and the Y, so that's like, if I fail, it's hard to fuck up that bad from there. So P-T-E-R. If I text it, I can do it. P-T-E-R. If I text it, I can do it. P-T-E-R-Y-D-A-C-T-O-L. Wait, say it again? Fuck.

P-T-E-R-Y-D-A-C-T-O-L. No, he switched the Y and the O. P-T-E-R-O-D-A-C-T-O-L. No, he switched the Y and the O. P-T-E-R-O. Pterodactyl. Yeah. D-A-C-T-Y-L. So here's the thing. Yeah, I'm not actually going to bust his balls for spelling.

Like, if you spell the word pterodactyl incorrectly, that's fine. You just can't spell it like that. If you mix the Y, the L, the T, if you don't know the P, even that's fine. But just... The T-A-L kills me. And, like, you know what that was? That was probably one of those no suggestions found. Yeah, yeah.

When you spell something so wrong – And he was like, nailed it. That all of Google or Apple or Microsoft is like, we don't even know what you're going for. Busy a flying guest was like, huh, no suggestions. Must have got it. Put it on the board. Funny enough, I think the PMT boys were just out with Chris Thompson again, and they relived the

spelling bee, and they ran some old clips where we did the spelling bee back in the day with Chris Thompson, and Hank was our lifeline, so if you got a word wrong, Hank could step in for anybody, anybody and everybody, and if he spells it right, you're back on the board.

And I think everybody got their first words wrong. Oh, I believe I was pretty quickly. But also, I don't remember this, but Hank stepped up and I think saved me, and the word was consensus. And Carissa Thompson was like, oh, you forgot the S, KFC. I was like, I got consensus wrong? Would you forget the S?

I guess I don't know. It's a very easy word to spell. Consensus. The S's are super loud. I must have just been like, C-O-N-S-E-N-U-S and just like blew past that second S, the sus part. I don't know. I was like, if I lost that on consensus, I'll kill myself.

Do you remember the second one? I was going word for word with Francis in the end when it was $1,500 on the line. Oh, yeah. That was actually like a legit spelling bee. And I, of course, fucking, the one time we have a Harvard grad in our fucking company, he's

of course at the end, which he had so much more to lose than me. If he loses to me, yeah, you're the idiot now. But the final word was like, they gave us German words. I was like, this is not even fucking English. And he was getting those right?

Yeah. That's fucking... Fuck you, Francis. I'll take a dive on that. I'm not a fucking American who can spell German. I don't want to know. I haven't read Mind Confidence, the original text.

You go off, Hitler. People learn fucking Latin to read the Bible, and then they fucking learn German to read Hitler's pure words. I'm all set. While we're talking about words, I meant to say this on the last podcast. I think there was a little bit of Wordle dissension in the beginning, but we've reached full-blown Wordle. The great war of Wordle is coming. It has come.

See, I'm back on Wordle. Yeah. Okay. So first of all, the people who are on the New York Times has ruined Wordle. I have learned it's just not the case at all because i am i'm i've gone back in the archives there's a website where you can do all the old ones yeah there have been ridiculous words the whole time so the new york times i'm pretty sure didn't change anything i don't think they touched it they just know the guy handed over the list yeah because he has a script written with 2500 words he auto-generated

so he's like, here we go. It's already there. And some of those early words, I'm like, oh, we would have been screaming and yelling about these. People who are mad at the New York Times, just look in the mirror. You're dumb. You're not getting the words right anymore. You're mad about it. Tom Scabelli is mad that he's losing word all now.

It has no problem. It's not to do with the New York Times. It's just that you're not getting the words right. It is crazy. It's unbelievable timing. I think my first 35, I went 35 or 35, and then the New York Times. It's just that you're not getting the one track. It is crazy that it's unbelievable timing. I think my first 35, I went 35 or 35, and then the New York Times took over,

and then I missed three of my next six. That's a pretty jarring change. Sure, and I do think it's probably more just coincidence than anything. I also think that there might be, like when Josh Wardell was making it, he was probably maybe like, I do hard stretches and easy stretches or like, oh yeah, this has been pretty easy, let me sprinkle in some hard ones.

But the people, the people who get really, really mad about Wardell tweets, I love it. Who gets really mad? My mentions are always... Like about what?

Are you sharing your score? The sharing of it, you think you're smart, you're try-hard, like you're rubbing it in. Those are your feelings, dude. I'm just posting about the word I spelled right. I think you got the word wrong and you're upset about it. It seems like you are a little in your own head here.

I think Chaps had a tweet where you had a screenshot of him muting the little squares. Like, just my eyeballs seeing the squares on my timeline ruins my day. I got people being like, you are a fucking try-hard, blow-hard, sanctimonious, holier-than-thou asshole because of Wordle. So now that I know that, now I am being one. So now it's like, you know, it sounds like you can't spell right. Like, you're dumb. You're an idiot.

I'm smarter than you. People like... There are people who are like, this in no way measures your intelligence. In a little bit of a way, it does. It kind of does. I'm sure it's something.

You know what's a real reality check? You it you want to complain about the new york times and shit this website where i do where they have the archive they also have head-to-head wordle where they match you with just like a random user it's insane it's got to be a robot it's got to be fake it's like so you can see their screen without the letters but you see their yellow and green squares flip over and it's just like brr brr brr brr

like rapid fire people must have a script in their head saved and they just like rattle off the same words cause I'm like on my fucking they're doing Wordle like fucking Rubik's Cube style. Yes, yes. That's exactly what it is. And it's just...

And they're like, you lose. It is like, honestly, maybe under 10 seconds. It is nuts. I'm like spelling my last word and they're done. It's crazy. But yeah, here's the deal. If you can't get Wordle, you're dumber than me. That's what I believe in my heart of hearts.

These are just little measures of intelligence. And if you can't, it's when people are like, oh, I don't test well. You're kind of dumb. You know? Oh, I'm not good with numbers. Well, then you're dumb. Oh, I'm dyslexic.

You're dumb. You're dumber than the average. You're dumber than the people who don't have that. Yeah. That's fair. In that field, as someone who has most of those, yeah. You're dumb. That's just what it comes down to. Anders Holm on the show, you know him from he's Durs from Alcoholics, Workaholics

and he's also in Inventing Anna, which is a great show. It's a fun show. It's a very Shonda Rhimes show. Yes, I shouldn't say great. I should say it's an entertaining show. Yeah, it's super entertaining. It's infuriating and a little cheesy.

Yes, that's what Shonda Rhimes does. Yeah, you've seen her shows before. They're Grey's Anatomy. They're How to Get Away with Murder. They're Scandal. They're very addicting. And they work. And they work, and they're a little cheesy.

Right. And all of the same people from Scandal are in it. All of the same people from Scandal. It's Amelio the whole show. Shonda is like she rides for her people. You get in with her, you have a job for life. We gotta get Shonda Rhimes on the show, dude.

Hey, you ever need two straight white males to do anything? I've heard she's not super nice. I would imagine she's not. I don't think you get to that level uh by but i've heard that from fans of her people like i love shonda she's so mean if you say one bad thing about her she'll cut you out of the episode out of the show forever i kind of like that oh okay that's kind of cool so i just ended our chances right there yeah we're

done yeah but i bet you can't get wordle so whatever uh so we got honors on the show um and we'll get into voicemails and uh oh and am i the asshole we have uh an am i the asshole today that is almost worthy of its own entire segment so let's get into that it's brought to you by freshly i'll tell you what you are an asshole if you're not using freshly uh becausely is like the meal prep for people who don't want to do meal prep. Yeah, boy, right here. This whole industry of meal prep has made it easier and then Freshly comes along and makes it the absolute easiest. There is no way that you can get easier cooking than this because there is no cooking. Freshly already cooks it for you. So it's basically like having a restaurant in your house.

That's what Freshly is. They are designed by nutritionists, cooked by chefs, then delivered fresh to you, and all you got to do is heat them up, which sounds perfect to me. People want to talk about easy to read instructions and 20 minutes, 30 minutes, this, that. You don't even have to do that with Freshly. It's chef-made, nutrient-packed meals, already cooked, delivered to your door. It's never frozen. It's always fresh, and you can reheat it in just three minutes. It's perfect for anybody who has a lifestyle where you're constantly working. I do it because I got the kids. I got the job. I'm always commuting home, scooping them

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All right. So we'll do some Am I the Assholes. But this singular Am I the Asshole. I intentionally don't know this one. I saw you send it. I started reading it. It's like four different screenshots. I got to the second one. And it was starting to make sense.

I was starting to put it together with other tweets i've seen bro so i was starting to figure out the story and i was like fuck it i don't want to know the story i want to hear it buckle in baby okay buckle in this is actually from reddit uh true off my chest so i guess this is more of just this this girl just had to fucking confess, I guess, here. And this is what's crazy. The title is I ruined my mom's life and reputation. Now, keep that in mind when you hear this story. It's long. Buckle in.

She is a 40-year-old female. My dad, 63 male, and my mom, 60 female, have been married for 43 years. I have six siblings, 42, 38, 34, 20, 20, and 18. I've been with my husband since we were 15. I got pregnant at 17 and we moved in with my parents. I gave birth to my now 22-year-old daughter when we got married at 18 shortly after. My dad's father passed shortly after our wedding and left his ranch-style house to my father. My grandparents built a house next to my parents when they retired my parents decided to let us live in this house and told us that it

would be my inheritance my husband and i had no issues with this we went on to have a 20 year old a 14 year old five year old and i'm currently seven months pregnant with my last boy due in april so this is some sort of wacky you know mormon family or some shit everybody's living like right next to each other i thought i had had a good marriage. We were intimate more than twice a week. We went out on date nights. We bought each other gifts. We didn't fight. My entire world was shattered on New Year's Eve when I returned home from a

girls trip I had taken with some friends. I walked into my bedroom to find my mom having sex with my husband. My mother screamed at me to get out of their bedroom, which really shook me up even more. Unfortunately, my oldest daughter was also home in her bedroom across from the house getting ready for a party. She ran out and witnessed my all but a bed sheet naked mother run out of our house next door to her house and slam the door. My daughter was devastated and went to my sister's house.

I asked her not to say anything until I first talked to my husband. I asked him for the truth. He told me that my mom seduced him when we were 18 and living in their house. They had been having unprotected sex at least once a month for longer than we were married. I ran the math and was horrified because the timeline meant that my twin brothers and youngest brother could be my husband's. I immediately called my dad and told him to come to my house without my mom. I made my husband confess and my dad was devastated.

He and my mom were high school sweethearts too. Needless to say, we could hear my mother screaming from the house. Uh, when he confronted her, uh, I told my oldest sister, she's screaming about,

right? I told my oldest sister and she and I decided, uh, I, she and I decided to, to have a party, uh, What is she screaming about? and siblings, and I told them exactly what they had been doing. Most of the family's on my side, except my three youngest siblings. They all say I'm an asshole for dropping this publicly. Word got out, and my mom's best friend, who was on the leadership at my mom's church, called me to verify. My mom has since been let go as the children's pastor there, and she claims I've essentially ruined her reputation and life. My dad kicked her out, now she's living with my 38-year-old

sister. And lastly, my dad insisted on a DNA test for the three youngest boys before he considered doing anything with their marriage. That's crazy. The twins are my husband's bio-children. I've since kicked him out, and he's living with his parents. Wait. Yeah. The twins

are my husband's biological children. Why are you calling them bio-children? Yeah, biological. They're saying kids. They're saying children. Yeah. The twins are my husband's biological children. Why are you calling them bio children? Yeah, biologically. Just say kids. Just say children. Yeah. Yeah. So my father and I are discussing.

There's no way to confuse that. Like my brothers are my husband's children. Like what do you mean biologically or how else? My father and I are discussing me moving into his much larger house and him selling my grandfather's house and him giving me the money to buy a new house somewhere else to get rid of the memories. My husband is appalled and furious that I proved he is actually about to have seven kids instead of five, that I'm going to be taking half his business away from him. My husband started his own HVAC, you know, yada, yada. Businesses are split 50-50. Inheritance assets are no longer subject to the split because of the divorce.

My mother is not likely to get any alimony. I mean, it goes on and on. My twin brothers, one of my sisters, and my ex's family have gotten no contact with me. She says she's developed ulcers and digestive issues. She's going to therapy, obviously. My 14-year-old knows why we're getting a divorce. She's so angry at her dad. I struggle sending her to his house on the weekends. I told my kids that it's okay to love their dad, blah, blah, blah. But, yeah, I mean, it continues to really go on and on.

So the too long, didn't read. My mom fucked my husband for 22 years, got pregnant with twins, continued the affair until I caught them in bed together on New Year's Eve. When I was seven months pregnant. I publicly exposed them. The mom lost her job, the marriage, and is now homeless. Dude, there's so much I don't get about this. But my biggest confusion is, like, how you get away with it for 20 years when you're just fucking in bed.

Like, you live in a compound and you're just fucking in each other's bed. I mean, I guess it's, you know, they probably just had a very scheduled thing. The way that they said once a month or every month must mean she goes somewhere every month. You know what I mean? Yeah. She has a monthly trip, and every time, we just fuck. This time, she just happened to come home early? Also, this is...

She just came home from work. It was like 7 p.m., right, she said? Yeah. No, it was a New Year's party, which is even crazier. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You fucking at the party Like fucking at a party you're always subject to someone Walking in the bedroom

That's why you fuck at a party you hope someone does But the There was another line in there that stuck out to me It was like since my husband was 18 She seduced him Seduced now implies Like nefarious doing yeah like like it's like it's not like forcing but it's like coercing in a way like you walk in the room kind of being like seducing is no longer sexy

seducing is now borderline problematic right he seduced me like yeah it's it's like i didn't i walked into this room not planning on having sex. I walked out having sex. Yeah. Which is probably the very definition of seduction. But it's more like pheromonal and spiritual. Not spiritual, but like, oh, I can't resist you. I think it used to mean like I walked into this room not expecting to have sex, but, you know, this person swung me off my feet. Now my hormones are going crazy. i met the one and i have butterflies

and we just did something spontaneous now spontaneous means like you raped me yeah but the and then i feel like that's like her kind of excusing the husband where like he was seduced at 18 and that's the other thing we do a little bit where it's like he she's been grooming him since he was 18 like 18 is enough bro i probably don, you don't want to tell me what was grooming me at 18. 18's your sexual pride, huh? Come on. Bro, 18, I was fucking. Fucking! Some hot old lady rubbed up on me at 18?

I'll fuck her. That's what happens. Yeah, it's straight out of Wedding Pressure. I'll fuck you for the next 22 years. Some hot old little woman made you fucking squeeze your boobs. Shut up about it.

I had a funny conversation with my dad. I told it on Kevin Clancy's show quickly. I got a flat tire in my car the other day, so I'm outside with my dad. I told it on Kevin Clancy's show quickly. I got a flat tire in my car the other day, so I'm outside with my dad. We're changing the tire. And he was like, the last time we did this, because I said something like,

I don't think I've ever actually had a flat tire. And he was like, no, no, no. There was one time way back, me and you did this. And I was like, really? I remember that. He goes, oh, no, I absolutely remember it, because it was when I asked you if you were having sex with your girlfriend. He goes, because I asked you if you were if you were having sex with your girlfriend he goes he goes i asked because i asked you if you you don't remember this i i it kind of came back i remember the conversation but i don't remember

i think we were doing something else on the car to be honest so i that's what i think we got he thought it was a tire i think it was something else but there was something car related because i remember being outside like in the driveway with the car and he goes like yeah because i remember i i asked you if you were doing your girlfriend. And he goes, you didn't even hesitate. Like, apparently, I was just like, yup. Because I've always told the story about how it was way too late. So he was like, are you doing it?

And I was like, yeah, man. And he was like, no nerves, no hesitation, no lie. You were just like, yup. And I was like, oh, shit. Hell, yeah. Fucking balls deep dad balls deep you know i'm putting a hurting on this bitch um so i obviously have opinions on uh outing people publicly about their personal relationships. How come?

Don't think you should do that. But this, I don't think this qualifies as outing publicly. She told the family. And the family's got to know because they got to find out who their dad is and who their fucking uncle is. Yeah, that's important stuff. Yeah, the dunkels. It's like the fucking twins.

That is, that's not outing publicly. Now, if like, I guess, you know, word got publicly now if if like i guess you know word got out but it's like you know i don't have sympathy for like if if if what happened to me if everybody found out just through the course of like life it'd be like i don't know you made some decisions and then people found out about them i don't love the fact that it was like i'm just gonna run to you know the the public and what was like I'm just going to run to the public. What about the church? The church being involved. And so that's why ultimately this

That was really funny. By the way, did you hear that? Whoa! You're like short-circuited. I was in a cartoon stuck in the trying to run. We need a clip. It was. This whole thing put a big old fat asterisk over it because this is some sister wives, polygamy, borderline cult.

Yeah, the church comes in. The mom was Costanza when she got caught. Was I not allowed? What are you talking about? Was I not allowed? I've been fucking him in your bed every night for 22 years. I thought you knew. How about that move?

That's actually, I would respect the mom. Oh, I don't knew. How about that? That's actually, I would respect the mom. I'm like, Oh, I know when you got it, when you catch your mother banging your husband and, and let's, I can picture it, right? Cause this always happens in the TV shows,

right? The girl immediately pulls the sheet up over her tits. You know what I mean? Yeah. Crawls up and, and, and imagine she's doing that. And she goes,

get out of our bedroom. That is a level of delusion and cockiness where it's just like, you got to roll with this, man. I respect like committing to it that fucking hard. I could see if I had something as a monthly thing for 22 years that I did. Bro, that is so long. If I murdered someone every month for 22 years, I would be like, well, I'm just allowed to do this. Yeah. Nobody's stopping me.

Clearly, this is just a thing I'm allowed to do. Not only is anybody stopping me, this hasn't even been like a speed bump in my life. I got a bunch of kids that I don't – he may or may not even know that they're his kids. This hasn't affected me in the slightest. It's like when people say you're not supposed to eat hot dogs, right? Whatever. Hot dogs take X amount of time out of your life and like you just you eat a hot dog every day look at me you're like 80 years old like this is it's just that's just wrong yeah i

can just do this right fine right and that's probably i mean you know part of this shit is uh you i bet these people again whatever weird religion they might be if there is any sort of polygamy whatever i could see someone being like, these are just made-up constructs. I can fuck you, I can fuck you. You can convince yourself of all sorts of shit if you've been doing it once a month for 22 years.

What was the age separation? Long. They were 40s and the parents were 60-something. That's not that long, I don't think. Oh, well, I mean, I guess it depends on what you consider. I mean, it's a parent-daughter. It's a parent-child separation, you know?

Yeah, I guess so. I was kind of quick to say that 40 is old. We're pretty goddamn close. They all had kids at 18. They've all had 5, 6, 7, 8 kids. So you could have an 18-year gap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were quick and they were young.

But it's still – at that point, it's not a number thing. It's a generation thing. You are the generation lower, and you should not be – but I mean once a month for 22 years. Would you fucking kick your mom's ass? If I was a chick? Yeah. I think I'd throw hands. In bed, just fucking bang. I mean what would you want some months fucking kick your mom's ass if I was a chick yeah I think I would well not in the moment I think I would well I think I would well not in the moment I think I would well not in the moment I think I would imagine that my dream is finally coming true what's what what is really just an all-out mom-daughter war. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get under here. I'll get under here.

The two hottest women in his life he's ever seen. He's pulling her in front of him behind. Turns into Phil Dunphy. I got Gloria. I got Gloria. I think once I found out it was 22 years once a month, I think that's when you throw hands. In the moment,

I don't know. Shows up outside her house with her and the rest of the siblings like, fucking West Side Story. Like a son of a fucking son of a brawl mom. Also, when she says, she was like, most of my family's on my side but my two cousins my three sisters their kids and i mean you have an 11 11 here you're playing

fucking pro bowl here uh what what is really wild is how she was like we fuck a couple times a week we go out like usually it's like yeah your marriage sucks this is like you know partly to blame because your relationship went down the tubes 20 years ago. But this guy's just... Yeah, her mom's just got that wet puss. And that's the thing. That mom's probably hot. That mom probably does some kinky shit.

Oh, no, disagree. I think this is just fucking... Because they're religious. No one's hot and religious. Religion is something you become when you're ugly. You're like, alright, I guess I'll find God. Because there's nothing else to do. Because I'm not going to find any other guys.

Bro, that's a funny line. Religion is what you become when you're ugly. Academia is something you find when you're not athletic. It's something you fall back on. You fall back on religion. You fall back on tyranny and fucking shame when you're not a hot person.

You just go fucking... Yeah. You gotta be, I'm waiting till marriage. No, you're not. No one wants to fuck you. No one wants to fuck you. Dude, there aren't fucking hot fucking religious people. Get the fuck out of here. They wear fucking burlap sacks. What? They wear their clothes the way they dress.

That's not how a hot person dresses. Anyone who's... I'm trying to think. I mean, that's... Obviously, we're generalizing, but I'm wondering, like... Because you'll also get the, like... I'm not talking about, like, I go to church sometimes because my parents... No, no.

That's how I was raised. We're talking about religious zealots. I'm talking about, like, fucking, like... Cult people. Cult, like, yeah. But I also could see, you know know there's the girls who are like I'll fuck in the ass to save my virginity.

You know what I mean? That's good but that's because those people are still in high school. They're still living under like their parents roof.

Those are the college and they won't be in high school anymore. BYU people are fucking they just don't fuck. Yeah. They just don't fuck each other.

That is so insane. They're like they're a fucking I mean I guess there's some hot people there and they just don't fuck it is so insane they're like they were fucking i mean i guess there's some hot people there yo do you want to just don't fuck each other you know being right you know we should do for the vlog one day is that thing where you go under the bed and push the mattress for me okay that'd be so wild to look at that just and it's while someone sits on you or while you i put it in or maybe i guess it probably would make more sense the guy is on

on his back girl's on top but whatever i think it's missionary or on, I guess it probably would make more sense if the guy is on his back, girl's on top. But whatever, I think it's missionary or on top. Guy or girl on top, and you go underneath and put your feet up. Bro, I would edge you guys so fucking bad. Well, okay, I agree. Say when you're close, say when you're close. Almost there. Nothing.

But wait. You're coming! I thought about this before. I think that would take hours to make me cum oh please I could fucking knock that out in 10 seconds you're basically just putting it in

and then relying on a little mattress lock the legs tight stiff as a board stiff as a board I get fucking real tight I cum real fast bro you've never had to force out a cum come on dude

you just flex every muscle in your body these got nowhere to hide come shooting out back into a corner back that cum into a corner I'm pushing it out man I really think that I think we should watch each other fuck Back into a corner. Back that cum into a corner. I'm pushing it out, man. I really think that, like, I think we should watch each other fuck.

I think the next step, you know, sometimes I'm like, how are we going to do this until we're like 60? You know, we got to just take another step. So imagine the material that we'd have where we'd be like, I've seen you. I know how you fucking cum. Oh, boy. I know how you force that cum out.

I'd be in the corner fucking like this. I'd have my notebook here pretending I'm writing. I'm secretly fucking pulling underwear. Just rubbing my leg. He's writing a lot over there. Oh, yeah. You are absolutely deplorable. Deplorable.

If I found out that you jerked off to me having sex, I don't think we could do this anymore. You're allowed to watch! You're allowed to watch! I've never watched someone fucking not cum, I'll tell you that. Nah, it's not true. We watch sex for morbid curiosity. Yeah, I mean, look.

Yes, I've seen fucking scenes, but I've never sat down and been like, I'm gonna watch fucking right now. And never cum. And not cum. I've gone to battle. right now. And never come. And not come. Dude, I've fucking, I've gone to battle. I was going to say, you definitely have not come, you've tried.

No, I, bro, I fucking, I've had to get new couches. I sweat so much trying to force one out. There is something, when I, when I am not coming

from jerking off, I'm like, no, sir. No. I'll fucking, no, I'm not going to succumb. Who the fuck do you think you are, bro? I'll make you come. I make the decisions here. I'm like, no, sir. No. I'm not going to succumb. I make the decisions here. I'll make you come, bitch.

This dick has a life of its own when I'm fucking somebody. You get all the decision-making power when we're fucking. I get the decision-making power when it's me. If I say we come alone, we come. I don't care if we can hear birds right now. We will come. When the sky's turning blue,

I'm fucking coming. That is so annoying. If I don't come before the sun comes up, who knows? It's like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing. It's like a vampire situation. You got that look in your eyes and it's like...

Your hand's turning into a paw, turning into a werewolf until you cum. I'm pulling myself. I'm out of both hands. I'm pulling myself in half trying to suck it. The cum is literally poison. I wouldn't be surprised if one of these days I turn into a fucking werewolf because of my cum.

Bro, I've been fucking jerking off so hard. Jerking off so hard. Jerking off so hard at such an early hour in the morning. I was sweating so bad that I was getting sweat in my eyes so I was crying. So I'm on my couch naked at 5.30 in the morning

dripping sweat everywhere. Sweat's in my eyes so now it's making me cry and I'm like, would get it that's just happened dude that's just happened you ever been covered in three of your own bodily fluids I like when Jackie's gone your own bodily fluids. I like when Jackie's gone. The guys can talk.

I need guys. This little guy talk for the boys. You know when you cry jerking off, fellas? Bro. Bro. First of all, we're putting out a poll. Have you ever, how many bodily fluids have you been covered in? One, two, three. And we can maybe throw a fourth in there if you're bloody.

You're bloody, crying, sweaty. Because you could be crying because of the blood you know that's unbelievable second of all god damn it second of all god damn it how recent was this because i know you all the apartment all the apartment all the apartment yeah yeah i've been couch sleeping recently i I was so afraid of, like, yesterday. No, no, no, no. This is old apartment. Well, old apartment. Not like it matters. It's like, okay, I was 30. Yeah, yeah.

I was about 30. Yeah. About 30 years old. And were you, like, drunk? Were you high? I was drunk. I was high. I was on drugs.

I was coked up. I was fucking everything. That's why. That's why. I couldn't fucking force it out. I had too much cocaine. But you just never thought to yourself, I'm still gonna stop what's that you just you were like not like i'm just gonna stop yeah no no no i know i'm gonna come i'm gonna come yeah

and then i probably fucking jerked off for three hours like it was crazy dude people people have finished marathons in less time than i fucking yo imagine if someone was like all right right, I'm going to go. And they go out. They set out to run a marathon. John's jerking off. I'm going to go run a marathon. They come back 26.2.

They've shit themselves. Their nipples are bleeding. He's like, you got me beat. You got a third. John did more work than that marathon runner. He burned more calories you come back for your Saturdays

your Sunday morning run I'm on the couch sweating crying who you been and your dick hurt so much after that wasn't even my dick

it was my arm arm yeah did you switch bro no I didn't switch I had to keep the momentum it was fucking sometimes I you switch? Bro, no, I didn't switch. I had to keep the momentum. Yeah. It was fucking... Sometimes I'll switch to the left to let my arm rest,

but I know I can't come with the left, so I'm like, all right, I get close enough, and then I go back to the pen, bring in the righty, bring in that bigger, bring in that 105-mile-an-hour righty out of the pen. Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow! Switching is a very rare thing for me. And it would not be feasible.

Have the Jackass guys ever... I feel like somebody's done this. Speed gun you're jerking off? I don't know. We should do that. Let's get a speed gun in here. I think we should do like... Yeah, I like that a lot. I feel like I might be copying that from somebody,

but I still want to see how fast I jerk off. Because it would be cool if it was like, you jerk off at 27 miles an hour. Oh, I was it a lot. I feel like I might be copying that from somebody, but I still want to see how fast I jerk off. Because it would be cool if it was like, you jerk off at 27 miles an hour. Oh, I was going to say 60. No. Rip your dick off. Yeah. But I don't know. I have no idea.

You could tell me I jerk off at 2 miles an hour or 100 miles an hour. Nah. Yeah, well, yeah, not too. You say I'm on the top end of the 50s. I believe you. I'm going speed limit. I want believe you. I'm going speed limit. I want to make sure I'm going speed limit for the highway. Give me 55.

Man, your dick hurts and it gets swollen afterwards. Bro, I thought I was going to have a heart attack for three days after my left arm hurt so bad. Oh, my God almighty. Anyway, here's the deal. deal anyway religious people are weird yeah i would say uh you know obviously the people who have been fucking for 22 years every month as a mom and a and a brother it's just a son-in-law they're the asshole um if this girl had like i don't know that is such a egregious thing and i know people are gonna be like who are you to talk about this but like i think in my situation there was some

private things that were going on that maybe changed the circumstances and shouldn't have been public i think that 22 years once a monthing children, all that shit is so outrageous that even if she did go public-public, I'd be like, I don't know, man. You fucked up. But she didn't even do that. She just told the family. So that's not going public. Now, again, if that just got out through gossip, like, that is the breaks.

But if that chick took out a billboard and said, like – Three bullards outside of Missouri. Yes. It would be worth it. Every time you – said, like, three bullets outside of Missouri. Yes. Worth it. Every time you drive. Yeah. You see another one and another one. I mean, that that I think is fair play.

I would be. I would McGregor that shit. Fair play. Yeah. All right. Let's do one more. Maybe maybe three. We'll see.

Am I the asshole for telling? This is this is the one that they tweeted. Like, we need your input immediately. Am I the asshole for telling my girlfriend to stop making excuses and clean her apartment 22 male my girlfriend 19 female is it crotchets or crochets or what crochets uh crochets a lot and i've encouraged her to start like an etsy shop or something but she hasn't that's a funny start like an etsy shop or something i don't know bitch uh the issue is that she spends all this money on yarn, even though she always buys the really cheap rolls at Michael's.

It adds up instead of making something that someone would actually want, like a want as a gift, like a dishcloth or a blanket or a sweater. She chooses to make these dumb little stuffed animals. The other day she finished crocheting a 13 foot long dachshund, dachshund, dachshund. So she had these blankets and shelves of these stuffed animals that she refuses to give away or sell, but she also

hardly uses them after they're done. The other day she was hanging out around her apartment and it was a mess. She claims her roommate made the mess, but I guess she was just hanging out in it. Instead of cleaning it, she's crocheting. When I brought up the mess, she said her roommate would clean it up and she proceeded to pull out this binder full of Polaroids of her finished project

and each of their names and was talking about them. I couldn't stand it, and I snapped, and I told her she needed to focus on cleaning up, and that I didn't care about her toys. She said her roommate would, she said her roommate would, and I told her that she's acting like a child. By the time I left, she was crying. It's been almost a week now, and

she's not answering my messages. Okay, I'm so confused here. She spends all her money on yarn, and she just makes stuffed animals. She made a mess. What I don't understand is this part right here. She has blankets of shelves and these stuffed... Oh, wait, no, where is it?

Where she said uses. Yeah. She hardly uses them. I guess you can use a blanket, but how do you use a stuffed animal? What does that mean? When I was 13, I tried to use a stuffed animal many times. That's how I ended up crying and sweating three hours later. All these psychopaths use stuffed animals.

People are like, this is mine from when I was a kid. Alright, so you have fucking weird issues with your parents. I think girls can do that. I know girls who have a little stuffed animal. I know girls who do. You think they're weird? Of course they're weird. It's weird. You can be a normal person with weird things. True, but I just think girls get it.

Let's tell a story about jerking off for three hours. It's a weird thing I have. This is... Weird thing I have. This is a weird thing. But if you having a stuffed animal wildly different than if Jackie told me she had a stuffed animal I'd be like whatever you're a chick

yeah but I would be like you have some weird dad thing it's a weird connection to childhood what do you think is wrong with Jackie gotta have something wrong with her I mean she's out of her fucking mind I think Jackie makes the most sense out of almost anyone in this room. Well, you would think. I mean, you don't get called a female Feidelberg without having some weird shit going on.

It seems like she comes from a loving family, but Jesus Christ. Something's up. So this guy. This is the perfect example of, once again, people who just are incapable. Don't date. No, just being. It's a be normal thing. I know it's our thing.

And I know it's like, but just like things normally. It was actually. And I know people and accounts and people do it for retweets and stuff like that. It's good for engagement and all that stuff. It happened the other day with the first Sunday without NFL football. Everyone was like,

what am I supposed to do today? I was like, first Sunday without football, I'm so sad. Chris Long just tweeted, and I thought it was perfect. He just said something like, hey, guys, we all miss football. You don't have to pretend to like it more than you do. You miss it a little bit. Right, right, right.

It's not here. It's nice to be watching football. But I forget what his exact quote was, but that was the sentiment, which is like, look, I like football. Just calm down. That's okay. It's not here right now. That's okay.

And like, did you see TJ Watt talking about Jersey Jerry? Yeah. He said, I don't know whether to take you out to dinner or get a restraining order on you. Settle down, Jerry. That was, Jerry,

that was nuts. That was great. That was all right. But that's also, you know what? That's, that's, that's,

you know, pre, pre barstool, Jerry was, he was a weird cat. He's going to do weird things. Now he's a professional. But boy,

I would have kept that one in the back pocket. I stopped reading it. I was like, oh. Yeah, this is too much. This is uncomfortable. This is too much. But this is, so this, she's obsessed with fucking crocheting? See, you can have fun with things.

You can enjoy things. And they don't have to consume everything. I'm going to say the opposite side here. She did a 13-foot dog, Kevin. 13 feet. It's long. It's a big dog. It's a big dog.

But I have big stuffed animals in my house. I think it's kind of funny. It's funny. See? There's a market for a 13-foot wiener dog. Like it's a wiener dog. It's funny. It's a wiener dog.

It's supposed to be long. You can't have a wiener dog that's proportional. It's like, look how long it is. It's funny because it's a long dog. Exactly. It's not. You see my dog? It's funny. It's a long dog. Okay, but here's like proportional. It's like, look how long it is. It's funny because it's a long dog. Exactly. It's not. You see my dog? It's funny.

It's a long dog. It's like also, it's in a room. Okay, but here's the thing. Other than that, what, what sounded so obsessive

about this? She buys yarn and she crochets. The fact that it's covering the house everywhere. So what? It's a messy apartment. That's not okay.

Like, like, no, you can have mess with mess. You can't have mess with fucking yarn. What? You walk into it. I would argue that yarn is like the least okay. Like, no, you can have mess with mess. You can't have mess with fucking yarn. What?

I would argue that yarn is, like, the least messy. No, because you walk in and you're like, what kind of fucking psycho world am I entering right now? I think this guy is mad. Dude, if you walk into a fucking house that's just covered in yarn, you've walked into a nightmare. But we don't know. Like, he's just saying we have no example of that. If he explained that, it's like there's a 13-foot dachshund, a little bit big.

Other than that. A little bit big. Little bit big. It's a 13-foot dachshund. I feel like your balls were in your asshole. You're like, hold them out. Ah! Ah!

It was weird. I'll tell you what the real story is here. It's a 22-year-old and a 19-year-old. You hate each other deep down. Just break up. They don't realize that they hate each other yet because they're young and they're both hot and they're still fucking,

but they don't realize that they're wildly incompatible and they hate each other and it's the little things that's going to drive them crazy. They still understand what hate is yet? This girl crochets. I'm 33. I don't know her that well. I hate her. She's a hateable person.

I feel like this girl's perfectly fine. What do you mean she has a house that is covered in yarn? She's 19 and has a house? Or a roommate, room, apartment, whatever. She's a child who cries when you tell her to put her yarn away listen again girls

fucking weird they don't know things and they cry and they have stuffed animals but he didn't even describe how it's just like he said it's a messy apartment because there's yarn everywhere I guarantee that that dude's apartment probably covered in sweat and tears I'm sure he's living in a gross fucking spot too dodge uh cars dodge automotive is looking for their chief donut maker which is

a year how well you think no yeah i was like donut i was like gassed up about it we're doing some sort of donut thing cool oh it's like crazy fucking activity no i'm all set on that but for you for the other folks out there you can get a year of epic adventures uh in a dodge hellcat with a hundred and fifty thousand dollar salary you don't even have to quit your old job it's a weekend job so you can do this in addition to your regular life but what you're gonna do is uh go around the world as the Dodge ambassador and partake in all sorts of badass shit. Like you're going to go to the Radford Racing School.

You're going to go to Roadkill Nights. And you're going to whip around the world doing donuts in a Dodge Hellcat. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. You don't have to quit your job. Can you pull up a Dodge Hellcat for me? You don't have to quit your job can you pull up a dodge hellcat for me uh you don't have to quit your job it's just a side gig it's like some people uh you know drive uber other people hop in a hellcat and become a dodge ambassador around the world doing dope shit like doing donuts on the infield track at a fucking road road race or some shit i mean it is

this is one of the this is one of the best opportunities we've ever presented to people. If you were like 24 years old, if any of you guys should do this, Jackie, you should be the chief donut maker. You want 150k? That would be actually really cool. You know how they would probably be so pumped for a chick to do it?

The Dodge Hellcat has a 797 horsepower. That's insane. Maybe Jackie should do this. Maybe we should pull That's insane. Maybe Jackie should do this. Maybe we should pull some strings and just get Jackie to do this. He's advertising for something we're going to, what do you call it, fix, rig? Yeah, go now. It's a contest that we've totally rigged. Dude, that was one of the all-time things for a beer booze a beer booze cruise that the we were friendly with the uh

what do you call it with the salesman there so they were like they're like yo put your name in the thing in the in the raffle because they're raffling off this is early early barcelona days and we were raffling off a trip for two on a booze cruise like to the bahamas and all those places and they were like are you going to enter? And I was like no I'm not going to enter I can't.

Like that's crazy. They're like dude who cares just enter. Right? I forget what bar it was at. It was at a bar like Dorchester

or something like that. I have insane luck. You won. Like dude I win everything. Yeah. Like I I think we've talked about this

multiple grandfather clocks. Yeah. I've won multiple grandfather clocks. I've won multiple grandfather clocks. You've never, we haven't parlayed that luck into anything professional,

but you got two fucking grandfather clocks. I have multiple grandfather clocks that I've won in raffles. So obviously,

I win this fucking raffle because that's what I do. I win raffles. And turns out, they were super fucking wrong that it didn't matter at all. Yeah.

Because I was very loudly booed. Yeah. And with violence. One time. People were like, it's fucking rigged. One of my. I really wanted to go to Nassau on a fucking carnival cruise ship. We did a Kentucky Derby party in the village, I think.

And there was a Budweiser, I think it was just like $1,000. I think it was just like straight cash or like gift cards. And one of my best friends, Vinny, won it. And I just never gave it to him. He was like, it's me. And he came up. We're like, cheers. And I was like, I'll get you when we're done with all this.

And I was like, I'll get you next week. And then we just never did it. You just never gave him $1,000? It wasn't coming out of my pocket. It was just that I didn't want to do the work behind it. Wait, did you have it and you never gave it to him or you just never even got it? Yeah, no, I had to go through Budweiser

to get whatever these gift cards were. And I just didn't do it. It's Vinny. Fuck you, man. So anyway, this Dodge thing is fucking wild. If you are young, don't have any responsibility. Also, all your jobs now are mostly long distance anyway. So you can be on the road and you don't have to have any prior knowledge or training.

You're going to go to Radford Racing School. They're going to teach you everything you need to know. Go to DodgeGarage.com. And you got to sign up and tell them why you would make a great chief donut maker. I swear, man. God, so many things that, you know, it's like we had to build all of this to get to these opportunities. So there's no way I can be like, man, I wish I was 24 because Dodge wouldn't be advertising with a podcast when I was 24 years old because it would be so small. So this is just the way it has to go.

But so many things that I'm like, man, if I didn't have two kids and I was an old man, I would be doing all... And you can't. I can tell until I'm blue in the face of these two idiots. They won't do anything. You know what I mean? You guys, none of you. You'll just be like, no, I'm just going to keep doing my regular ass boring life. I don't want to go be a Dodge donut maker. Morons.

The cutoff is February 28th, so you only got like five, six days left to do it. So go to DodgeGarage.com and explain why. One more here, because this one's out of control. Am I the asshole for peeing on a Fanta bottle after finding out that my new flatmate takes my drinks and food?

Believe me, I'm not proud of this at all, seriously. A new guy joined our shared house and he has awful habits. We explained everything to him and he could not care less. But he could not care less. To give you some background, in the house there is a uni student in my flatmate. Hello, governor.

It's Tuesday, isn't it? And she is lovely. And my two childhood friends, which are great and very respectful too. We have all been living together for a few years now. There's one more room where people come and go. The landlord brought the new guy in a month or so. One of our main rules is don't touch anybody's food or drinks without permission, as we had issues with some tenants who got too comfortable despite being strangers,

and there were many arguments. I highlighted it to him. If he ever needs something, just ask. Oil, sugar, salt. It's fine, but just ask. In the first week, I had a Fanta bottle unopened on my fridge. As my friends share my fridge, but

I bought one for myself since the kitchen is big. I come home from work and I see it open. I ask my friends and they deny it. I believe them since it's not how they operate. I very politely ask the guy and he denied it. Fine. A few days go by. Half a pack of my unopened donuts disappear and I got very upset. I ask him again. he denied it. Fine. A few days go by. Half a pack of my unopened donuts disappear and I got very upset. I ask him again. Denies it.

A few more days go and I wanted to test something. So I turned off my fridge and I put a little wireless secret cam from Amazon. This is the second time we've heard this, right? Someone with the cake or some shit. Wireless camera from Amazon and I bought a bottle of pineapple juice. I drank it.

I drank it and peed in it. So it seemed full. I'm seriously disgusting for doing it. Went to work, came back, and yes, someone drank 40% of the bottle. I checked what got recorded and that idiot was drinking from it. I asked him again.

He denied it. I sent him the video and told him that I peed in it. His eyes got wide open. He started losing it and making choking noises and calling me a psycho. He then told the landlord, and I explained everything to the landlord. The landlord said that it could have been solved differently, but he should not touch anyone's belongings.

I feel a bit bad because no one wants to drink pee, but at the same time, why steal? He also had an edit. I tried my best to get back to everyone, but it did not. I expected his response. Most of the answers related. Okay, yeah, it doesn't matter. I am going to take this.

I will start first. People who take leftovers and eat food and take things without your roommate's belongings, you are a jerk. You're an asshole. Mm-hmm.

If you set up secret cameras for people to drink your pee you should go to jail okay this person should be on a list this person should be locked up this is so wildly like the the punishment does not fit the crime and if you take the other side of this we're breaking up because that is so insanely over the top and so in the world of am i the asshole my answer would have to be everyone's the asshole but in but there's levels to this shit so i would say like you being the person who is committing a crime that like this is a a trope almost we talk about this ad nauseum where it's like they're's like roommates shouldn't touch each other's food. So this is something that happens. You know what doesn't happen?

People setting up secret cameras to watch their roommates drink their piss. That is premeditated. Why is everyone smirking? Have you done this to me or something? What's happening here? I don't know. You're just down with this. You just think this is fine.

You are an animal. You are a Neanderthal. I'm not down with it anymore. I've been down with it in a past life. He's crying. He's legitimately crying. You've done this. I haven't done it. He's got tears in his eyes. I did not do it.

He's crying. Did you drink it? Were you the other guy? You just witnessed it? I was just there. You just witnessed it? I was there at the great Providence College piss fight of 2006. I was there. You're going back to Providence tonight? I'm going back to P.C. tonight.

Wait. Stop the presses. The great Providence piss fight of 2006. One thing I learned. The floor is yours, sir. Maybe it was 2007. Whatever. The floor is yours. Do tell. I might go sit there with Zach and be in the

audience for this one. Dude, my best friend had this roommate who was disgusting. Like, vile. Like, dude, he would order chicken parm sandwiches and he would cut them with his fingernails and he would just eat it with his hand. It was a problem to be in the room with this guy.

It was disgusting. That is disgusting. And he'd always steal his Propel water bottles. His Propel fucking twist tops, the completely unnecessary twist tops that they have with water bottles now. So my friend decided that he's going to piss in a Propel bottle and put it in. We came home one night drunk back after. That Propel

bottle was gone. He looks at his roommate in bed. He's like, what is that? And he's like, it's a Propel. He's like, that's my Propel. And he was like, no, I bought this at the store or whatever. And he's like, that's my Propel. And he's like, no, I bought it at the store or whatever and he's like that's my propel he's like no i bought it at the store he's like let me smell it real quick he's like no you're

a psycho so they start getting mad and they're kind of pushing around finally he's like fine fine fine takes it off smells it he goes it's fucking piss it's my propel because it's my piss and then he dumps it on and then i forget how this ends up happening but there's so we're like we're drunk and then there's one point but chris is running because now like the bottle's been fought for and piss is just getting thrown around the room everyone's covered in piss at this point and so my buddy's running down the stairs from this dorm room, and the guy who'd been drinking the piss is now standing at the top of the stairs, fucking Patrick Bateman style, trying to piss on him, chasing him down the stairs.

It was unbelievable. Meanwhile, there's like, dude, I was so drunk, but like there's another side piss fight going. Hang on. I'm going to make a call real quick. A side piss fight? I'm going to see if I can. I was jokingly picturing the gasoline fight in Zoolander. That's what it's like.

There's just piss everywhere. Hopefully he'll call back at some point in the episode and we can get to the bottom of it. that's what it's like there's just piss everywhere and I I just don't I mean hopefully he'll call back maybe at some point in the episode and we can get there were like

other people fighting with piss like I want to say like were you fighting with piss? I was fighting with piss yeah I was like did you take your dick out

and piss? no I think I pissed into a cup and then like dude it was it was chaos I want to say it's one of those things where I was so drunk and it was so long ago that, like, I'm sure, like, things have been exaggerated and stuff like that.

But, like, I want to say somehow piss-filled water balloons got into the mix. And, like, it was, maybe that's a Michael Scott quote I'm conflating, but there was, like, there was so much happening. I remember my buddy who I just called, he ended up sleeping in a random person's bed because it was the only room he could find that didn't have piss everywhere. I was prepared to end this podcast if you simply sided with the person in the story. And now I find out you're pissing in cups and pouring it on your friends. It was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

And then so he ran away, right? And he got – he was chasing down the stairs. Oh, my God. This was unbelievable. And then – and then so he got away. And then he came up like a back set of stairs, sneaky, and came back to the room. And we're in the room covered in piss. Everyone pisses everywhere.

He pisses into another cup and hides behind the door and then when the guy who was trying to pee on him came back in he dumps it over the door second jar of piss i swear if someone ever pissed on me like that I'm killing no John I'm killing him I'm going to jail for fucking murder

we were all covered in so much piss it was funny rendered speechless man the great Providence piss fight of 2006

the great Providence it was such a piss fight dude it was and how does a piss fight end like it was

eventually everybody like good scrap good scrap let's all let's all hit the showers I have no were you puking

and shit no I was I was so drunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The drunkness. Because we were all so drunk, it must have been like we were all basically just pissing water on each other. On each other, really. Brought it home for me.

Fuck. I usually left that one in the chamber, Johnny. Our Kelly boys out here. Holy moly. They were. i i don't think i was maybe i was a freshman in college maybe i was my senior in high school and then they were either freshmen or sophomores in college and it was jiminy they were one year older than me whatever it was i was visiting my friend this was not this was not during my sit-in at PC. This was during a visit. And, yeah, just a lot of... That one got away from you, huh?

But the thing, I wasn't innocent. By any metric, I was a casualty of war. I was not KIA. It sounds like you got pulled into action. Yeah, it was like I was... You know what? You got drafted to war. Exactly.

I was a fucking... I had no part in a fucking... I had no part in any of the planning. I had no part in the execution. Any of the fucking... What do you call it? The actions that led to the planning of the first attack. It was just like, I was in the street.

We're going to war, boys. Someone fucking got shot. I picked up a gun and started firing. Like, it was... Whip that dick out. Here's the deal. Sling. Hold, please. Yes! Let's go. Yo. Are you at work right now?

But this is important. This is... I was just telling the story. The Great Providence Piss Fight. The Great PC Piss Fight Do you remember that? Yes

Alright On work terms Can you describe what happened Or are you completely at work right now? Oh no I closed my door I figured it wasn't going to be work You're on the show right now by the way is that

okay i didn't say your name or anything um no that's fine okay um yeah so you um i don't know i think it was i think it was i i've been saying saying Chris's name because that doesn't matter. He's dead. But I think Chris's roommate was stealing his Propel water bottles, so Chris pissed in one in order to catch him in the act. And then we came home drunk, and I think he had it in his hand, and then we started wrestling for it. And then piss went everywhere. And then I kind of don't remember what happened after that.

The next like clear memory I have is Chris's roommate like pissing after him as Chris ran down the stairs like Patrick Bateman style with the chainsaw where he was like Yeah, but then he got it wrong and because he's uncut

he had great propulsion. I don't know if that's really why he's that talented. He could float. I forgot. Dude, he had a fire hose. He could float. 30 feet down the aisle. Yo, I was saying I thought there was a water balloon involved in the hallway or something. No, it was just

It was just Because you probably pissed into it and then let it go You pinched it, filled it up and fucking let it rip And then how did it end? Because I remember Chris, when he ran downstairs, he came back up a different way, and then he was hiding in the room when his roommate came back.

Yeah, so I don't think he chased the guy down the stairs and then did Chris's waiting arms or something. He was waiting with another bottle. But wait, okay, here's my question. So, like, everybody is standing around watching these two guys fight. There's a spill of some piss. It gets on some people. And then everybody just whips their dicks out and starts pissing?

The only two active pissers were pissers. What do you mean active pissers? The rest of you guys are just biased? They were like bottles and stuff. There was like things you could grab to just throw at people. Bottles? I mean the penis in his bite were

piss. Holy fucking Christ. And then how did it end? How did we just like all right it's time to go to bed now everybody's bladders were empty it ended with a shower i remember my buddy just like getting in on the group shower no one really understood why. Because he didn't have to drop a piss on me.

Whatever, I'm getting in, guys. I think this was the same night that one of my roommates passed out and got covered in Sharpie. In the shower to clean it off. Do you know where I'm going with this? No, no. And when he got naked in the shower, his it off. Do you want to go over this? No, no. And when he got naked in the shower, his penis was completely sharp.

Like, he got in the shower, he was like, okay. Like, he's like my dick. No one ever admitted to it. I've literally been taken to the grave. If I had to pick someone I think I know. I think I know. We were pretty confident at the time

and we really got that one out. We really got that one out of him. Oh my fucking God. Dude. This is one of him. Oh my fucking God. Dude. This is one of the funniest stories of all time. Bro.

Dude, I forgot about the fire hose. He was pissing everywhere. That was crazy. I asked that guy about him.

He would bring up his piss in person it's for bullshit they were hiding in like someone was in like the trash room yeah trash room I feel like at one point you were just asleep in like a bunk bed where

fucking I remember I was like I was looking for for for um sanctuary and then like i just like found you i think i forget who's i want to see your room or something like that you're in someone's room i was like trying to just crawl into bed with you so i could stop getting pissed all over me that was your favorite? It was freshman year. Okay. Jesus. It involved like 10 different, everyone lived separate. It involved like 10 different rooms.

Like, we had like three unwilling roommates. Yeah. Those guys are probably, those guys are probably sitting around telling the, what's that? Those guys are probably sitting around telling their version of the Great Providence piss fight. Like,

remember when our roommates just came in and pissed on us for no fucking reason yeah that was not unreal yeah yeah yeah because That poor girl. Holy shit. I forgot about that she was there. Oh, my God. All right, I'm going to split. I'll give you a call later on today on the train. Okay, I'll see you.

Peace. Bro. Okay, first of all, it's just incredible. We need to, like, properly, you need to do one thing I learned or something. We need to properly turn this into, like, a i learned or something we need to properly turn this into like a movie trailer or something like in a world the year was 2006 separate to that sharp being someone's cock is unbelievable because you got to think of the logistics that man is passed out drunk his dick is as soft as can be you got to pull that dick and color it and you got to get underneath you got to get around

the tip and in around the hole and down to the base he probably covered his balls to sharpie someone's cock black like that dude wakes up right and here's the thing you wake up i've never been sharpied but i would imagine you wake up you've never been sharpied ever anywhere that's crazy town uh you wake up i would imagine you you know you don't know because you can't see at first maybe if they do your hands and shit but there's probably that first initial shock when people are looking at you. And that second wave when you look in the mirror. The third, fourth, or fifth wave where you take your pants off. And you're like, my cock's been sharpie too.

And that's one of those things. You might have a black marker, magic marker dick that you need to clean off right now. But it's the guy who did it, really. That wasn't the question. And I would venture to guess it's the dead guy. It was 100%. There's a reason why none of you guys have brought it up and been like, you know what?

It was me. It's because the guy who did it is dead. Because could you imagine right now if you guys were like, you know, you're at your parents' house and we're sitting on the tennis courts or whatever all high and drunk just talking and someone was just like guys it was me that would be i mean would bring the house down i hope to god it's there's i hope that would have happened by now yeah and that unless someone is you know unless one of these guys is like i'm waiting till we're

50 or something like that like the greatest reveal of all time. But the thought of being like, because you would probably start just with the marker, and it would hit all the flops and folds, and you'd be like, this isn't working. You got to scratch it out. And the thought that you were so hammered that you're getting your dick tugged on and colored, and you just. Man, those are the weirdest, most homoerotic, physical, sexual assault stories I've ever heard in my life. And really, the unwilling roommates who were involved in this are the real stories. I forgot it was freshman year in the exec because they didn't live together until sophomore year, obviously.

There's some Asian kid reading books. Also, the door flies open and you're covered in piss or whatever. You're like, you gotta hide! You gotta hide! The piss is coming! The piss is coming! Get under the couch! What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Stop asking questions! Just fucking hide! I need you to do as I say immediately!

Don't ask questions! The piss is coming! Who are you? He's got a fire hose. Get in the closet. I am thoroughly appalled. Utterly disgusted. And I don't know how to get to our sponsor.

Five minutes? I'll say something that I just said last before we said guest leave, and I was kind of joking, but I also do stand by it. This is a summer candy. Gummy candies are summer candies. Chalice candies are winter candies.

I haven't had a good pack of fruit snacks in a while. Great pack. So good. And these are sneaky because these look like they're going to be garbage. But they, you know, black forest. This package. So good. And these are sneaky because these look like garbage. But they, you know, Black Forest, this looks like bootleg, you know. People who know them know. Black Forest is good stuff. Black Forest is a solid product.

Even like Welch's. Welch's makes you feel like you're eating healthy because it's like Welch's, you know. Those are just like good fruit snacks, like good old-fashioned fastball down the pipe, you know. But usually you see the Gushers, the Shark Bites, even like Fruit by the Foots and Fruit Roll-Ups because they're the colors and the brand name and all that shit.

And if I saw these, I'd be like, I don't know, man. These are bootleg. These are like the off-brand. And I loved them. And I want to have a thousand more. And in general, this is something I would venture to guess, you know, you're a child. Yep. Most of our

listeners who are adults probably have not had fruit snacks in quite a bit. That's crazy. You all need to get your lives to the border. Do you guys all eat fruit snacks? Here I do. We just have them all the time. What do you mean? Like, if you were to ask Is a Swedish fish a fruit snack?

Yes. And people haven't had those in a while? Yeah. But I would also say... My favorite gummies, I am addicted to those. I'll get those. If I go to CVS, I'll just buy a pack of them. That's crazy.

I feel like Nate Bargatze right now. Swedish fish, you're right. There is a little bit of a loophole there where I could see some people eating it. But candy in general, kind of different than the fruit snack world. I would bet if you are an average listener of ours who's like 30 and you're living with a significant other or you have a house, you're married or something. If you don't have kids in the mix, I guarantee none of them have fruit snacks. What are you talking about? Yeah.

I would bet that's a... We'll find out. Maybe I'm wrong. We can do a poll. I think that most times fruit snacks are straight up a kid's snack. You're all making... And you're right. I just had them and I was like, these are so

good. They're chewy. These ones have the liquid center. They're gushy gushers. The shark bites are incredible shark snacks. Shark bites, I can't remember. Those are so good. Yeah, don't get me wrong. They're awesome. I feel like Bargatze.

Remember the Bargatze joke when he's talking about you know that phrase people say, I haven't had that in forever? I haven't said that in forever. I have everything all the time. He's like, you want to know if areas are still around yeah they're doing great you know nate is so funny because he he at heart is a fat kid you know the original reason why he was like his first interview and my first interview was on mail time one of one of his first it was like my first interview with a real person was because i saw him on the tonight show doing skinny

fat jokes and i was like perfect i gotta have a real person. It was because I saw him on The Tonight Show doing skinny fat jokes. And I was like, perfect. I got to have you on. And he talked about crushing donuts and all this shit. But he looked it back then. Now he's hot. But he still has that fat heart. You know what I like about Nate?

He still posts the one he posted yesterday. I just took a screenshot. Yes. That one. I took a screenshot of it to be like, yo, can you believe? I mean, he looks like Trent. That is Nate Borgazzi. Now he's got salt and pepper hair with some flow and a leather jacket,

and he's skinny and in shape. He's crushing the links. It's like, that's a good screenshot. I stopped it on. I don't even know what economy means yeah uh it's yeah uh but fruit snacks i think is way up there on the list of things that people like oh i haven't had that since like elementary school you guys need to get your lives in there voicemails today are brought to you by sling tv at this point uh you know people say that cable is dead but also that means you're getting all of these other streaming services

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and all of that is just $35 a month. You're not going to find that anywhere else, literally not going to find the Barstool Sports channel anywhere else. It's exclusive to Sling where you can watch all your favorite podcasts and video form. I still got a lot of people. We hit 100,000 and we kind of did a little discussion on that last episode and people are still like,

what are you talking about? Nobody watches podcasts. And it's like, you just haven't done it yet because once you do it, you realize it's the better way. It's not the easier way. I understand that listening when you're on the commute, listening when you're at work, yet because once you do it you realize it's the better way it's not the easier way i understand that listening when you're on the commute listening when you're at work listening while

you're at the gym is more convenient for those activities but it is the better way and you will realize that when you see it if you watch on sling because like i i promise you when you see us reacting to the the great providence fight it's it's a lot more entertaining when you see our faces or when we're trying to break records by climbing up and doing all these challenges and stuff it's always better and so you can get all that on sling tv along with all your favorite tv shows along with all your sports channels and uh all your your live news and live entertainment so right now at sling dot com slash barstool you can set it up entirely for free.

And after that, it's just $35 a month. So start out with a little free action. You can also catch Coach Prime. The doc with Dion down at Jackson State is back. So latest episodes are available on Sling Tuesday and Thursday at 8 p.m. Go to sling.com slash barstool to sign up now and get all of that and try it for free. That's sling.com slash barstool. Let's get into voicemails.

What's up, KFC, Fights, the whole gang? I was just listening to a podcast, and at the very end, they had a fact-check section, and it made me think, if you guys had a fact- check section at the end of the podcast it would be four and a half hours long just correcting all the dumb shit that you guys say so i guess my question is uh sir who is who said the most outrageous thing that somebody would have to go back and fact check back no no no that, no. That was completely wrong. They weren't even close. I don't think I like his tone.

I don't think I like his tone one bit. I think sometimes we may be incorrect here and there. I think for the most part, we're pretty deece. I think we're quick to call out when we know what we're talking about. I don't think I rarely will proclaim something that I think is true and be like way off base. So I'll be wrong, but I'll be like, I don't really know exactly what this is. Yeah, I won't.

I've never said a fact on this podcast. Unless we're talking about... Anytime I've tried to say facts, I say like, I don't know. Here's a fact. If we're talking about the female anatomy, we speak with reckless abandon in truths and certainties and we're almost always wrong. So that would be.

Yeah, yeah. Anything I've said I'm wrong about, but I just know that. So I don't think I've said anything like, well, this is correct. Yeah, yeah. I've been like, here's a dumb thing I'm about to say, and I say it. Pabs, if you would like to be stat boy, because that's what they did with PTI for so long at the end of the show, what'd you get wrong? If you guys want to look it up as we go,

I'd gladly have. Actually, the distance to the moon is like 100,000 miles, not like 10 miles. It becomes a six-hour podcast at that point, but I'm open to it. I don't think it will. That's my point. I don't think we're that bad. Let's try it for an episode and see how many things are factually incorrect, and I think we'll be fine. I agree with that many things, you know, are factually incorrect.

And I think we'll be fine. I agree with that. I bought to say a fact right now, Tom Brady is producing a new movie and it's based on the Brady four. I just rolled my eyes and then came back into it. What? Brady is producing a movie. I heard you say that the,

the Brady four, it's a road trip comedy about four best friends who tells a story of four best friends and New England Patriots fans who take a life-changing trip to 2017 Super Bowl to see Tom Brady play. I mean, it basically is going to be like that, yeah. I mean, he can't possibly, he can't do the jail stuff because we're too big.

That's our story. True, but this is the problem. This is why it sucks that we don't do stuff, like write the book or write the movie or do the pilot or write the screenplay because some motherfuckers are going to do it. Yeah. We're sitting on top of a story that is like a goldmine, just the Barstool story or the Brady four story or the, this story, like all the little things, you know,

and, and someone out there who has the time, patience and skills and, and whatever to do a fucking script is going to do it. You guys should make, so fuck this movie. Fuck Don Brady. Go make a real movie.

I mean, think about that. Think about if you had, imagine if you cast Charlie, Glenn, Rob and, uh, and, uh, Frank, uh,, Glenn, Rob, and Frank to be Danny, to be the Brady Four.

And you guys just had a fucking, you just have a field day of a movie of these guys going to jail and fucking around. Taking a shit. Taking a shit would be the funniest scene in a movie ever. Just hearing the ting, ting. You're taking a shit? I mean, sometimes I think, man, we're just letting money and fame

go right through our fucking fingers. Probably. Yeah, that's okay. Next. That's all right. I don't have to do anything. It's so fucking hot in here. It's so hot.

It's crazy. What's up, KFC crew? I was just listening to the Taylor Tomlinson episode, and you all were talking about gender reveals for abortions, and it made me think of a story about a friend of mine. So him and his girlfriend go to a gender reveal for a couple friend of theirs, and when they show up, they don't know anybody but the couple that's having the baby. But they have their childhood friends there, their parents, grandparents, everybody.

And it's a super elaborate party that the soon-to-be mom's best friend puts on. And so when it comes time to pop the balloon uh they pop the balloon and no confetti comes out and without skipping a beat my friend says it's a miscarriage and there's an audible gasp in the room everyone turns to look who the fuck just said that And the soon-to-be great-grandmother of this baby blurs out, who are you? And nobody talks to them for the rest of the party. He stayed? What turns out is the girl that put on the party played a prank

and had a fake balloon or a fake gender-revealed balloon, and so she brings out the other one, and then they find out the gender. So this brings up two questions what is the worst thing you said that you wish like five seconds after you said you wish you could just take back i know go back in time and be like hey don't say that dude and then two who's the asshole the person that plays a prank on a pregnant couple at their gender reveal or my friend for saying possibly one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Let me know. He's an asshole for saying. You have to leave. When it doesn't get a laugh.

You're an asshole for saying it because that's just not – you can't say that. Right, right. By the way, this is my idea for the abortion. I want to have an abortion reveal real bad. I want someone to pop it and be like, we took care of it. Don't worry. Freedom. We don't have to pay for this kid.

Miscarriage is a different story. So the abortion reveal would be incredible. Miscarriage, you can't be yelling. You can't stay at the party. Because a miscarriage, it could still happen. It could be a miscarriage reveal.'t you can't be yelling you can't stay at the party there's a miscarriage you it's that could still happen it could be a miscarriage reveal yeah right right right right we might be you know you just jinxed this shit bro it's a bad omen like it could be like that was the lord the lord speaking yeah you are having a miscarriage i'll see you in three months but this is the reason why doing pranking anything that's serious is just a dicey game, man.

It's like, why would you fuck around with this? People get all bent out of shape when the color's wrong or you fucked it up or whatever. The woman who let the balloon go or the people at the party place that mix up. People who burned down California. Yes, right. I mean, there's a lot of problems that come. Pranking anything serious like that, you are an asshole because you're, you know, any of these pranks, you know, when all of a sudden it gets too real too quick and you have to be like, it was just a joke. It was just a joke.

It's like, well, too late fucking now. Now you got to, you know, this woman's crying and this guy's, you know, lost all his friends and family. What's your biggest regret? I've said it before on the show. I had a teacher, my physics i had a teacher my physics teacher biology teacher physics teacher my freshman year high school someone's like uh how do you spell your name and i just went fat yeah and it was a complete blackout like i don't remember it wasn't like a plan thing it wasn't like and i i was just being mean like i remember like seeing like the

pain in his eyes as a class laughed their fucking ass asses off I was like we guys all shut the fuck up it was like it was it was the most subconscious thing I've ever done in my life yeah it was it was not I did not intend to do it no he's a big guy he's in fact he was a very fat guy I think it was but I like whatever like I wasn't like just constantly cause fat piece of shit. Who the fuck? He's a really fat guy. He's a really nice guy. We got along very great.

I liked him as a teacher. I don't know why I did that. It haunts me to this day. I mean, mine's probably saying that Colin Kaepernick has terrorist skin. Next up. Next up. Actually, last voicemail of the day. It's brought to you by... I'm going to put a name on it.

It's brought to you by Mortimer Jr. and Orwell. My two guys. I went up there. I was feeding them lettuce and onions and apples. Oh, God. Marshmallows. Their fucking farts must be amazing. They love marshmallows.

Put holes in the ozone with that. Yeah, man, that you can power a fucking, like a, a fucking aircraft carrier with that diesel. Uh, they're the two,

uh, pigs up on the whistle pig farm and they just, they just waddle over and they just eat. They, they almost bite your fingers off. Watching pigs eat marshmallows is very funny and very entertaining. Uh, and they are the two official mascots, if you will, of Whistlepig whiskey out on the farm.

You got the rye here from the piggyback six year, which is like the go-to bottle for rye whiskey that is taking over the world. And their latest, newest, most important, greatest contribution to society right now is the piggyback. Piggyback Rye Smashes. What is that? It's a whiskey cocktail in a can. This is the fresh ginger lime. There's also the citrus lemon and there is the blackberry lemon fizz.

This is going to be the drink of the summer. And it's whiskey so you can drink it now when it's cold. But also once the weather starts turning and you basically are having a whiskey cocktail right on a rooftop or or out at when you go to the beach this summer on the lake whatever it's going to be a life changer it's all of the whiskey it's all of the um seltzer revolution but with whiskey with quality whiskey like real fucking whiskey we met the the you know uh chemical engineers who created this shit so uh it is top notch all around how did your piggy whistle pick piggyback go last night piggyback nightcap uh it was good i did

like 20 25 minutes uh i was asked answering some questions had myself a nice cocktail to finish off the night talked about about Stuart Little. It was good. It was some good interaction. I'll tell you in a second. Now, if you're lucky enough, you can get it in stores. It's only available in, I think, like eight states. They're slowly rolling them out.

So continually check with your liquor store, grocery store. Tell all the people, the distributors, you want them to stock piggyback uh and tweet us when you have pictures because people are asking us constantly the pictures let us know when it's available in your state where you can get it so people can find it uh and if you can't wait you can go to piggyback rye smash.com and you can have these they come in four packs but they're eight percent alcohol so it's a double two for one so it's basically getting an eight pack for like 18 bucks it's unbelievable high quality cocktail one. So it's basically like getting an eight pack for like 18 bucks. It's unbelievable. High quality cocktail, ready to go in a can. Shout out to Whistle

Pig. They are my favorite company fucking ever. Get your piggy back on. Stuart Little, real quick. We don't have to get into it too much, but Stuart Little is the story of what? A mouse in a red car. Incorrect. It's the story of a boy who just happens

to be two inches tall and have a tail and look like a mouse. Like the plot description is not that it's a mouse that can talk. It says Stuart Little is a boy born from – like a human boy born from human parents that just happens to be two inches tall and look like a mouse. Then it's a fucking mouse, E.B. White. What does that even mean? It's not that it's a mouse that acts like a mouse. Then it's a fucking mouse, E.B. White. What does that even mean? It's not that it's a mouse that acts like a human. It's that it's a human that looks like a mouse.

It's ridiculous. If it looks like a mouse and talks like a mouse, it's a fucking mouse. What does that mean? Exactly. It makes no fucking sense. Last voicemail. Let's go. I'm furious right now. Isn't it totally insane? Like, they just kind of skip over that.

They're just like, yeah, he happens to be able to talk. What's up, Kevin, John, Nick, and the kids? What's up, girl? I have a question about titty fucks. What? So here we go. Let's go. So what I'd love to know is, are tit fucks still a thing?

I feel like I never see them in porn. I used to do them a ton. Let's go. So what I'd love to know is, are tit fucks still a thing? I feel like I never see them in porn. I used to do them a ton. Not a ton. I used to do them a lot when I was in my 20s. I bet you did. I'm just not sure if that was like a novelty thing or what. I will say, I do give a 10 out of 10 experience working with some fabulous equipment on there.

Girl, those are strengths. I'm not sure. Do they even feel good? Oh, they definitely feel good. All right. Also, by the way, for both Boston shows, our international KFC radio girl gang will be meeting up. Me from Ontario, Abby from St. Louis, Catherine, the male woman from Massachusetts, and Kathleen, also from Mass. So we will be there getting drunk and ready.

And we look forward to partying with you guys. Tickets available for our second show at the Wilbur March 18th. So it'll be St. Patrick's Day weekend. First show sold out. Second show is probably about three quarters sold out. So get your tickets now. We have confirmed we have bagpipes and acrobats.

Yes! Let's go! Bagpipes are going to be sick. There are. Oh, I don't know about confirmed, but like, yes. We're doing it. Yeah. Yeah, it's confirmed. I don't know if I'm going to say 100%, but it's 99% the people are working on it.

People are in contact with the people. It is. We're working. Yeah. We're trying to make it happen. It is. But the. Titty fucking.

When I first titty fucked as like teenager I thought it was the coolest thing ever She said let's do it And I was like fuck yeah Because I just thought it was something new and kinky and weird And then You know it's also You kind of like come on their face a little bit So it's an easy way to kind of get through that

But I haven't done it in so long I have a confession You've never done it? I might have like once, like a little bit here and there, but I've never. Oh, I think it's so fun.

I've never really like, like, like, like fucking, we're talking like lubed up and fucking. Yeah. There's, I have like one memory of one time,

a girl being like, we should try titty fucking. And we tried it pretty briefly. And like, we both laughed and like had fun. And that was, it is a fun thing. It's a novelty thing.

It's like, it's like 69 or shower sex. It's not like the best, and that was it it is a fun thing it's a novelty thing it's like it's like 69ing or shower sex it's not like the best but I that was like when I think of titty fucking

I think of it as like on like in porns where it's someone with like fucking Angela White titties where like they're on their knees

and they're kind of standing there like you guys like sitting on someone's like it's not easy for me to sit on someone's chest

it's hard for you to breathe so that is that might be why I did it as like a teenage boy so I was about 60 you know uh but it was it was a big like when she had her period and it was like you know she didn't want to blow me or whatever she'd be like just fuck my tits and i was like okay she had my tits it's all good i hate also by the way did you like lube them up and stuff i would just like yeah squirt a little little lotion in there and then i've also

we have lotion on deck i don't have lotion on deck yeah you have lotion on deck? I don't have lotion on deck. Yeah, I have lotion on deck. Well, I have lotion on deck now. I'm in her bedroom, whatever, we just go... I've also titty fucked from when it's just like a spit slobber mess and that's awesome. I've also been with girls who are like,

my tits are too small to fuck. Have you seen my dick? Like, no, they're not. As long as you can kind of push something together, I can cum. And also, shout out to C cck i can fucking

that's what i mean yeah i mean yeah i fucked that and it comes so um shout out to you know r.i.p to cck shout out to the rocket uh titty fucking butt cheeks is always out there too you can always just make a little sausage in a blanket it's like can i fuck your ass like no no no no man literally can i fuck your ass your Like, no, no, no, no, no, man. Literally, can I fuck your ass? Your ass cheeks. I'm going to put my sausage in those buns. All right, before we get into our next segment, if you have ADD, you probably do. You probably have no attention span. You have probably no ability to retain information for hours on end

and you just want quick, digestible clips that are funny, click over there, subscribe, leave a comment, hit the bell, and laugh. I don't know if what i translate what i was doing translated i was i was getting distracted i'm just like looking around i like it all right interviews time interview time with honors home talking about inventing anna and workaholics and everything else uh it's brought to you by travis matthew travis matthew is uh some of the most comfortable clothing i've ever worn in my life and you know that that is uh as close

to like the seal of approval as you can get the things that i the clothes that i wear are either mine the ones that i produce and sell or the travis matthew cloud collection i'm actually mad that they came up with that name cloud collections their hoodies and sweatpants are so soft so comfortable uh plain colors plain uh plain gear quality shit so you can wear them out uh it's a full lifestyle apparel brand. And whether you are doing that or they also have their polos and some more professional or serious attire. But the Cloud Collection is exactly what you need to just chill out. They got the hoodies. It's like you can dress it up, athleisure wear.

You can wear it out. And if you need to, they also have the button-ups and polos. But the supreme comfort from the Cloud Collection is absolutely unparalleled. Right now, go to TravisMatthew.com. I'm parallel. I'm right there with them, okay? TravisMatthew.com. That's T-R-A-V-I-S, Matthew with one T, M-A-T-H-E-W.com.

Use promo code KFC for 20% off polos, hats, hoodies, pants, button-ups, and more designed for that perfect balance of style and comfort. TravisMatthew.com, promo code KFC. Let's talk to Anders on KFC Radio. What's up, brother? Not a mocho. Looking clean cut with that hair. I feel like you're usually like a shaggier look, no? Yeah, somebody took a shower today.

Done for the week, right? Exactly, exactly. I'm still in that pandemic mode, man. I'm trying to stay in that mode forever, dude. Minus the, you know, widespread death across the world. I loved the pandemic mode. It was great. So you didn't like that?

Okay. Yeah, that part was- We all have different tastes. You're going to die on that hill? Okay. Other than that, I was having a grand old time, man. Yeah, man. Elastic.

I mean, we should have bought stock in elastic. Yeah, for real. Sweatpants everywhere, dude. I love that the world is collectively... At least in what I see. They're sticking with sweatpants. I feel like a lot of people aren't really going back. I'm seeing a lot of sweatpants in inappropriate places.

Athleisure. Yeah, that's what's up. Whoever came up with that. Yeah, who's the guy who's like, actually, it's athleisure, you jerk. It's cool. It's like, okay, Bob. Lil Yachty wears it. Yeah, well, that's what's funny is Lil Yachty wears it Yeah well that's what's funny Lil Yachty he can pull it off

You just look like a depressed father Dude You're not pulling it off like Yachty does That's true So I'm in the middle of inventing Anna right now Or Anna or whatever Who knows with that accent and everything

It's one of the i remember and i'm from new york so i remember it like vaguely happening and i kind of had like but seeing it all play out is uh just absolutely fucking bonkers it's crazy i mean so i never lived in new york but it just makes me wonder like how big was this circle of young dumb crazy people who had ideas and then had people that they were in contact with that were like well maybe we give them five million and him two million and then we make 400 million like we don't know who cares yeah man like if you caught the wave at the right time or with the right people where they're like yeah we'll take a shot

on on this or well i still don't even do you know uh and maybe they answer this later like i said i'm halfway through it like at some point she is just dropping benjamins all over the place like there was some amount of wealth right no was it all she was she was just begging and borrowing to pay peter whatever that's yeah yeah peter and paul but even with the cash it's one thing with the credit cards but that even the cash was still all she was cashing fake checks i mean when you get towards the end you'll be like oh she was flagrant like she was just wiling and then like every hotel in new york knew about this woman you know they were like you're not welcome here right and then her fucking face up on the wall like at a bar that's badass that's sick

that's how you live in the life right isn't it doesn't part of it feel like first of all about these people i always say if they just did if they worked half as hard at the scam as a regular job you'd probably be like a ceo but right i do also it's kind of cool with these people the tinder swindler i don, no. I disagree. I don't want to be looking over my shoulder. That's it. Right. I agree with that. But if you can pull it off, you're kind of like the ultimate fucking con artist hustler, you know?

To be a con artist, I think I've, through all the larger cons that have been getting exposed in media and TV lately, like watching The Madoff and all those movies. Madoff really kicked it off. Like you have to have a level of sociopathy that is unimaginable. Because I tell lies all the time, like joking and shit like that. No, nothing serious. I don't know if I've ever told a serious lie that could like come back to get me. And that's all because if I did, it would be all I think about.

It would consume me yeah being like am i gonna get found out that's the whole thing with these people that you're saying like if they just worked this hard at this thing they found out a long time ago that they can't do that right right so like but then they also found out right around that time that if they faked it till they made it they could do it yeah you know but if someone's like hey i need you to show your work on this math problem right they're like uh yeah yeah also you know i wonder if you stop looking over your shoulder like like if you were scheming and scamming and hustling and let's say you made it through like a year right would you be like i can just keep doing this or would you or are you always like going to sleep at night like oh maybe tomorrow's the day they catch me.

Because at some point you might be like, these people are all stupid. I got them all fucking wrapped around my finger. I mean, isn't there like an uncut gems-ness to it where it's like the rush of pulling it off? Yeah, for sure. And you're like, I must be some kind of Svengali. That I can keep doing this.

Like, I'm untouchable, you know? I think there was the, like, you can keep tricking. I'm untouchable. I think there was the... You can keep tricking people or something like that. I forget what senator it was, but such a cool-ass quote where he's like... It's from House of Cards. It's not a real senator's quote, I don't think. But he's like, your first day on the floor,

you look around thinking, how did I get here? And then after one year, you're like, how did everyone else get here? Everybody does. That's amazing. Everybody... I mean, these are the extreme cases, but everybody's a hustler. Everybody's faking it till they make it.

You know what I mean? Usually it's like I embellish on my resume or my interview. Right. Not, you know, whole scale money laundering. But everybody is a fraud, dude. And I would imagine in Hollywood, it's probably, you know, all over the place. Right. What?

It's as real as it gets, man. Oh, dude. I mean, it's probably you know all over the place right what that's as real as it gets man no dude i mean it's rampant everywhere and now we're kind of being coached socially towards doing that with social media my platform i'm gonna stand on it but like anybody you put a filter on your picture yeah you're only showing like you didn't show like the shit show you went through to get to the beach in mexico but you're just going to pose a picture of the corona and your feet up with the waves crashing. But nobody knows you lost your bags and a dog bit you on the way in or whatever it is. So yeah, it's a weird... We're at a weird place, man, where putting your best foot forward is now creating your best version of yourself.

You know? You know what else I found interesting about the show? And I don't know if you know more about it or if you just get the script and you just do the role. But as the – I read only my lines. So you're playing the husband of the journalist involved. Right. the journalist involved right and uh they act like the her article that got her in trouble was like she murdered a fucking baby when it was just like this dude this this scammer another

scammer kid she's like putting together a list of like the main reasons to live in new york and one of them is that this this kid made 80 million dollars gaming before he was 16 and it turned out to be fake and she didn't fact check and I was like okay well that's yeah that's not good journalism but right let's like you know it's just a little fake news that's all over the place now and they act like you know she got her job

offer from Bloomberg pulled and they acted like she was this you know scum I was like I don't think I was all that bad man and also particularly on like an article it seems that it was a list. It was a list. Yeah, yeah, it was weird. 40 reasons to live in New York.

Right, and one of them was fake. This didn't match my journalistic integrity. Right. Just to be clear, half of journalism is list articles. Yeah, yeah. You know, that's what you're going to get busted on. But, you know, I think it's just they wanted to emphasize that this woman has journalistic integrity.

She had a misstep. It involved, like, a minor who then, I think, sued and was considered slandered by the, like, assumption and, like, the tone of it might be off. So, like, you know, she wants to course correct through this article. And I think that's part of why she's so obsessed. Not only is Anna Delvey and the mystery behind how she got where she is interesting, but she's like, this is maybe my legacy before I go have a baby and become baby's mom to

everybody, you know, because I don't know if you guys have kids, but you're like, you end up being like your kid's name's dad. Right. So it'd be like, hey, are you Zach's dad? And you're like, well, I had a name, but I once was a person yeah right yeah uh how you got kids how many got i got three kids yeah how old are they eight four and zero oh wow so you got a fresh one you got a fresh fresh out the oven uh yeah he's uh's only a few months old. Three months old.

I got a question for you. If you are doing drop-off in the morning, do you get in clothes and comb your hair and get presentable or do you just roll out in sweats and PJs

and just throw them out the car? This morning, I'm in those rubber Birkenstocks. I'm in a pair of sweatshorts and a hoodie. Yes. My man. Sometimes, usually a hat though, just because it's like, you know,

that's why like my forehead's all red. I had a hat on 10 seconds ago. Yeah. But yeah, just, is this a fashion show? By the way, I used, we used to send our kids to a school that seemed like a little bit of a fashion show. And we've since moved and it's way more pajama time. That's what's up.

Because I feel like there's two camps where I go, where I drop them off, and I'm sometimes getting looks, and I'm like, fuck you, man. Fuck off. You're in your boxers, though, to be clear here. There was honestly one time where I went. You know some of the lounge pants that we sell At Barstool Sometimes you're exposing

They can tell if you've been circumcised or not And I wore those and I was like Oh shit I probably should have done that The helmet huggers Sir can you come with me You're in a school zone I gotta register on a list now Because I dropped my kids off

I think and this is going to come as no surprise to Kevin, I think I'd be a dresser-up. Yeah, absolutely. You scumbag loser. I hate you. I think there's like – when I have a reason to get dressed, and the reason used to be like prom was the reason to get dressed. Now the bar is on the floor with what a reason to get dressed is.

And it's just like I'm going to see people. I want to – You want to be the belle of the ball. Yeah. If to get dressed is. And it's just like, I'm going to see people. I want to... You want to be the bell of the ball. Yeah. If I'm in a rush, it's not necessary. But if I got nothing to do in the morning,

which if I have kids, I imagine I do have some things to do. That's the thing. So hold up. You don't have kids. So you don't have kids, right? No.

So let's follow up in a couple years when you do. And we'll see whatever garbage bag you're wearing to school. There was this story I saw today. A mother in Bolivia, somewhere in Bolivia,

somewhere in South America maybe, she was dropping kids off. I mean, she was, body was just banging, just like a super hot mom, and she was wearing wildly inappropriate clothes, and the other moms were like filming and yelling out the window like, inappropriate.

But I can't think of a better better a faster way to become a villain than being like the super hot mom dressing wildly inappropriate at the drop-off line you are you are lucky they don't get out the car i'll tell you how to become a better villain uh be the dad whose penis head is invisible right well and think about if those two uh characters cross paths gotta go to south we have a problem you know you're like hey how are you uh denise's mom oh my god i'm popping wood uh so what else is cooking i know uh you guys started a podcast correct yeah i mean the dudes workaholics dudes you guys started a podcast, correct? Yeah. Yeah. Me and the dudes, workaholics dudes, we, uh, got a podcast called this is important where, uh, we don't talk about anything that's important.

Um, and we just bullshit, you know, it's what the concept to us was the conversations we had on the roof and workaholics like this is that, uh, there's no topic. It just goes the problem is uh fuck you because we say this every time i'm getting a little fed up with famous and successful people coming into our lane podcasts are for the failures this yeah this was our last resort yeah we wanted to be you and we couldn't be so we make money this way and then you guys and fucking sunny and all these guys in the office, all your favorite fucking actors are now doing what we do.

And there's only so many ads to go around, man. Let's just say, first and foremost, fuck always Sonny. Love those guys. But, like, yeah, yesterday I was on a podcast. And they're like, so you have a podcast? And I go, let me preface this by being like i know that coming into the industry we are doing like a little grab um and they're like you don't have to you don't have to apologize i'm like but i know i know thank you uh but i will say the fact that like we we don't do anything – we don't do guests or we don't have a topic that's covering anything.

It's just us, which I imagine – unless someone else did a podcast about us. Well, that was my idea. We were going to do a Workaholics podcast where we pretended to be you guys and you totally fucked us. I wouldn't do it. I remember when – it happens a lot with comedians too, and we have a lot of comics on the show, and Whitney Cummings started her podcast. Her first guest was Dave Grohl for like a two-hour sit-down all about the history of the Foo Fighters.

I was like, well, we're over here just slinging fucking stamp.com. Jesus Christ. You're just settling for the third guy on workaholic have you found it like affects your friendship in the sense that like like what i like me and kevin don't talk because save it for the show like if we start with oh i gotta tell you something like no no i'm gonna tell you online i'm telling you for the mics right like because i want like the general reaction so like having that and kevin and i have always been friends but work friends so we've been doing the podcast for a long time

but you guys were friends for a long time before you ever did a podcast when you said work friends he looked at you like wait what no no i mean we met we had something we met through work yeah but you guys are friends before that like does it do you guys ever like you're on a group text like i can't even tell you the story i gotta wait till we record no um i mean so you have a good work-life balance yeah i was like you'll get there it's 50 50 i mean like we because of the podcast we don't talk as much as we might but we text there's like definitely a text chain going um but then no one's gonna go into a story over text yeah so like oh if anything happens. And by the way, I'll sit down in my chair ready to pod and be like, I got to tell the dudes about this.

And then I never even get to it. Yeah. Because like somebody will start with something else and I'll be like, oh, yeah. Like, dude, in the 90s, whatever it is, you know, organic is like a not that's like too much of a word but it is very much just the epitome of add inaction yeah podcast we actually just did that on a show we did it's a great topic actually where we were like like everyone shut up wait till we start recording and we'll talk about this topic and we did an hour show and it never came up and it was about it was a girl who used to work here she tweeted that she had remembered that guys

don't wipe their penises after they pee and she thinks that's crazy and then one of the guys here was like i like that she she remembered yeah like she was in fourth grade and like learned about it popped in her head 25 years later. It's like, oh, my God. Remember speaking spell from the 80s? Sure. But don't you think it is bizarre? But then one guy here says he doesn't.

Yeah. One of our coworkers, he says he always wipes when he pees. Unless he's at a urinal. Pees, dude. Pees. You know, on this is important. We're big sitters. We,

a lot of us, we like to take a sit with you. If we're at home, we'll just sit down, relax. And I guess I have before. Yeah. Cause you're just like,

I'm sitting. It's here. Might as well. Um, otherwise I'm very violent. It's a violent shake. Well, that's the thing.

Oh, I don't do that. I just pee my pants. This dude comes out of the bathroom with his pants half pissed every single time. I keep a sweatshirt at my desk, almost like a woman keeps a period sweater to wrap around the waist. I got my pee sweatshirt that I just leave on the back of my pants. What's cool is the woman who remembered the guy wiped their dick or whatever, she seemed like, I remember this guy remembered period sweaters on her podcast.

I don't even know if that's a thing. I think I saw it on a show once. I was going to say, I don't know if I've ever heard the phrase period sweater, but I'll go with it. Fuck it. Come on down to Old Navy. Our period sweaters are two for one. That's not a thing, right?

Once a month sale. I'm very impressed with the human penis that it's able to kind of cut it off. I think it cuts it off. We all are. It cuts it off, and you get it all out with just a shake, and it's like you don't need to fucking wipe, guys. I don't know. You just said human penis and cuts it off in the same sentence, and I was like, ooh't need to fucking wipe guys i don't know you just said human penis

and cuts it off in the same sentence and i was like oh wait yeah why do you why do you kill uh you keep it trapped to just the human penis that impresses you well yeah no i'll be honest the other penises other that dog we saw on howie mandel's instagram has been haunting my dreams check out how we have two of them sharks have two um i think so right the shark i met did yeah so here's the thing that's great about podcasting by the way if you just say it it's true that's true like as long as you said with an ounce of confidence we could run around being like yeah no andres holmes told us that there's yeah why another fun fact to learn the other day uh give it uh chicken

eggs are just the chickens period yeah that's that's a tough one to really conceptualize well yeah yeah it's just it's just kind of gross wait yeah why are you saying like yeah you didn't know that that's not a thing to know but isn't that they're the egg it's like but but did you ever think of that like i know that that's the case but when you sit down to eat eggs, are you like, I'm just eating this chicken's period? No, you're not. Hey, every time. That's why I eat them. That's why I like them so much. It's one of the weirder things that we do.

Somebody along the line was like, let's crack that egg open and we'll just eat that thing. Dude, we're animals. We've been doing this shit forever. Think of just cow's milk. We're like, that's that's wet tastes kind of good dip it in cookie or cookies yeah you know like it's fucking weird and by the way along the line like we're all testing all this shit people died being like well let me just uh let this snake bite my tongue and taste the venom up. That didn't work.

Don't do that. I saw that. I don't know if it was a tweet or if it was on Reddit or whatever, but it was like imagine being like the taste tester for mushrooms back in the day. We're like, that one made Jim see God. That one killed Steve. And that one has the texture of a steak a little bit. It is a high risk.

Big variance on that one has the texture of a steak a little bit it is a high risk big variance on that one i i love to think about the the first guy who ate a mushroom on purpose and was like yep that was cool or like i don't know native american some some bush caught on fire next thing you know you're feeling good and goofy like let's do more of this gotta be the best accidents of all time i feel like a guy did it and it was like holy shit everyone freaks out because he's freaking out and then like after the come down he's like you guys gotta try this yeah he did it by accident and then he was like now you guys do it and that yeah the thought of like all right i'm just gonna put in some paper and we're gonna roll it up i'll suck on it and we'll light it on fire and then we're all all feel good. How do we know this? I mean, did that come from like a fucking forest fire

where they're walking around in alien smoke and feeling high? That's what I mean. Or, I don't know, aliens came down and, you know, hook you up with some of that knowledge. Well, I didn't want to get to the truth so soon. Aliens are just fucking sick stoners and we love them. Wouldn't that be great if all that, you know they did that's what aliens did do some people like oh they they came and gave us knowledge of science and this and that it was like no i only just taught us how to get high yeah right pretty

useful dealer much better much much more useful uh right so and then we did build the pyramids we were just high as fuck for a thousand years. It wasn't aliens, but they helped. Honestly, that really is the only way you could just drag those bricks around and stack them up and just be like, well, I got to be a little high to do this. So what else is on the horizon? I mean, I feel like this Inventing Anna has been a big smash. Inventing Anna, man, this is what's up.

I just finished this movie with Robert De Niro And Sebastian Maniscalco Oh wow Which will be out later this year Yeah yeah yeah It was fun It's called About My Father

And it's a funny rom-com Kind of meet the parents That's what we do My big fat Greek wedding type thing Just three Italian guys together right You know you You Sebastian and Bobby De Niro. A couple of our ties.

Hey! Hey, is this offensive? Hey! No. I play like the blue blood douchebag brother-in-law to be of the woman he wants to marry. Natural fit. He's taking his dad to meet the family. And, you know, I'm just a straight up buffoon.

Do you ever, when, when you get those roles, is there ever a moment of like, like if they're like, you are perfect for the douchebag brother role, are you kind of like, Oh fuck man.

Or are you just like, yeah, give me that money. There's a certain, there's a certain point where you either know how much range you have. Uh, and you're like, I can be anybody or you're a type.

And people go, you're this though. And you go, hey, man, the check clears. But, you know, there's a lot of times where you're like, all right, I just did that part. I don't know if I want to do that again, like right off the bat. And then you always circle back and go, this is my wheelhouse. But this project was awesome like weirdly this is the second time i got to work with deniro after we did the intern together uh a few years ago that's a great movie man that's such a fucking wholesome ass just good movie yeah yeah that was fun and uh this one was crazy i got so like in the intern i'm like this cheating kind of yeah you were a bad dude yeah you know and i'm just being like kind of a normal guy uh in this movie i'm a

little bit off the rails it's not like an over-the-top comedy but i got to kind of let my freak flag fly in this weird like seersucker preppy oh yeah you just got my high school it's fun yeah and it would kind of like blew bob back for like he was like oh okay like you're different in this one i go well i hope so that's that's acting right yeah yeah yeah that's got to be cool though when you show up to set and like just like hey bob you know oh yeah i mean we did like the table read the day before and he kind of like looked down he was like hey how you doing oh it's so sick oh how i've been since the last time we worked together sorry guys uh personal connection happening here that is that is one is like objectively very very cool when you like when you just like describe people who have like their icons yeah like we we had

walberg in here this morning and and we kind of like and we started our own rumor that the Departed 2. Donnie? You're talking about Donnie Wahlberg? No, Mark. All right. The second best Wahlberg. Go ahead. We settled for Mark.

We were shooting for Donnie. Donnie is on the backup. We started our own rumor that they were they were doing the departed two had been greenlit and and he was like oh marty hasn't mentioned that to me i was like oh you mean scorsese that's what he means and he said something else too he's like so i just finished up doing two guns with denzel and then i was here and the names were just it's not name dropping because it's just his fucking life you know right right yeah i mean to be able to just talk casually about benzo washington is a whole nother level a whole

different ball game and that's what you guys are supposed yeah like honestly if you can if you can talk about robert de niro and say bob or bobby you can't have a fucking podcast like get adam arlene dude enough i agree enough and adam was in the intern too he worked with them i mean yeah You can't have a fucking podcast. Get Adam Arlene, dude. Enough. I agree. Enough. And Adam was in the intern, too. He worked with them. I mean, we've been super lucky to, again, fool everybody.

We're all con artists. Well, I was going to ask you if you were going to take up a con like Anna, what kind of con game we run. Acting. I guess it's it. Aren't we doing it this is it I mean shit

the next con will be tricking my kids into thinking that I had anything to do that was cool back in the day you know I can't wait for them to turn on workaholics and just be like this is it you're a loser you're a total idiot. These are the dumbest characters in the history of content.

It really is so dumb. It's so good. It's so brilliant. It's just dumb. If I had to show somebody dumb, if an alien came down and said, what's dumb about humans? Here you go, man. My favorite thing about those guys is that, like, they wanted to be the worst guys.

But the worst guys are like, you can't hang with us. Oh, those guys are so cool. And it's like, no, they're not. So when do we set up the workaholics versus Always Sunny three-on-three death match. Three-on-three death match? This is like a fighting thing? Yeah, yeah. We'll put you guys in a cage.

Maybe like a WWF hardcore match. We'll have some thumbtacks and some steel chairs and tables and shit, and you guys square off. You're a little more violent than I'd imagined it to be. Oh, yeah? I want to see bloodshed between these three. Let me just rate those guys over on that side, and then I'll get to my guys.

Look, Charlie, he's a smaller guy, right? But he's got the crazy eyes, so you don't know what's going to happen. He's from Rhode Island? Yes. Land of crazy people. And they know it. Remember the high school I was describing, the seersucker? Charlie also went to that high school with me

Yeah you guys are weirdos Yeah yeah yeah So you know Let's go with Glenn He's a very slender man But also reptilian in ways we don't know But he could blow over in a breeze He's got

Glenn's got rage He even said on his podcast breeze. He's got – I mean, Glenn's got rage. Yeah, he even said on his podcast recently, he said how he's got some Dennis in him, which is always a scary thing. Glenn is the guy who will take his thumbs and, like, press them into your eyes. You know? And you're like, no one needed to do that. Just go for, like, the larynx or something, like a normal person. Exactly what he'd do. go for like the larynx or something like a normal person um he like thumbs in your eyes and howls

as if he's like finally released from a spell when he does that uh and and then rob is just like fully jacked right so he's a problem i think he's gonna be the x factor um he's also got those vanity popcorn muscles though he's just trying to look sexy yeah yeah he's got biceps yeah but you'd be surprised where those vanity muscles can do yeah yeah it's like he's got vanity muscles like okay i have no muscles so right but then what's on your side of the table look adam divine is a full-on tank okay his low center of gravity you can't keep that guy down okay he's beefy he's brawny his he's he's a midwest corn-fed beast you don't want to fuck with this i mean the man took a cement truck to the head and just kept on living he's good he's cheated death he'll cheat it again um then you got blake anderson i don't know if you've seen the guy with the shirt off,

but he's muscle bound. He's cut. He wears the baggy clothes because he wants to just be looked at like a normal guy. He's abnormal. He's built like a shit brick house. Brick shit house under there. And then there's me. Come on.

You gassed everyone. You don't know. You don't know what's going to happen to Anders Holm. He's going to fucking kill you. You never know. All I know is I think I got 30 pounds on Glenn, so that should help, hopefully. And I'm four inches taller than all of them, so I got a little bit of reach. On top of each other's shoulders.

Yeah. And then I guess we could bring in Sweet D,'s real name escapes caitlin olsen who funniest funniest woman on television right never been nominated for anything bullshit that's crazy um she would have to fight kyle and kyle he's clocking in at about 240 these days so watch out now kyle's got fists that are like lunch pails unless she's squirrely man uh rob might have to come to her uh her uh her aid that's it and then devito i don't know maybe devito just bounces around that could be the

x-factor you don't even know what side devito's gonna be on yeah he might end up fighting fighting ankles yeah right yeah like fuck them have you seen what they did to me i was the one's proud actor i was like god god damn it i would love so i got us um but like also those guys are just like more refined than us we would probably show up drunk and they'd be like, this is a joke. We've been training for months and you guys are like on something. We were walking by a forest fire on the way here. It just happened.

We're trying to wake up Adam. Adam, wake up. The fight is now. I love it, man. I like to imagine all of us punching each other's fists at the same time and we all explode into some sort of fire. Or we just do like a golf outing like normal celebrity people. I love it, dude. I appreciate the time, man.

Inventing Anna is on Netflix. It's the big hit right now. I'm sure everyone's watching. It's the hit. This is a big one. You haven't started it. You got to start it and then you got to finish it. You had to know.

Did you know this was going to be a big one? Like dude, it's Shonda land. Yeah. I mean, Shonda does not miss dude. She does not miss. No,

you got to, you got to latch onto that dude. Like, Hey, anytime you need to do, if you white guy, I will play all that role forever on every shonda rhimes what's crazy she won't stop calling um no we what's funny is

that not only is she like uh obviously a talented writer and knows how to make a show like she runs a tight ship and like we did this during the pandemic it was not easy we started before the pandemic then came back like well into it and um it was going to be 10 episodes we had to condense it into nine uh so all this like kind of bobbing and weaving and she pulled it off and uh it's good i think it's a fun a fun show to live in for nine episodes for sure man it really is uh and appreciate the time and uh hope to see you again soon all right yeah man good to see you guys keep it going សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.