KFC Radio - Answer The Internet: The Game, The Yankee Hater Dynasty, and Abella Danger

Episode Date: October 22, 2019

Introducing... Answer The Internet: the card game, available October 29th at store.barstoolsports.com and Walmart.com. We've taken all the best questions from KFC Radio and ATI over the years and put them together in a card game. Go get it October 29th!!! John has a personal announcement. KFC revels in the 19 out of 20 victories he has over the Yankees. Voicemails: Street smarts vs book smarts, worst animal with wings Abella Danger returns...You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio, brought to you by Dunkin'. They got the fiesta of flavor popping off in your mouth with new burrito bowls from Dunkin'. Now, the burrito bowls are delicious. Really? And I'll shoot you straight, So, like, surprisingly so. I didn't know how I was going to feel about them.

Because, you know, whenever these, you know, it used to be donuts and coffee. And they, you know, as you extend out of that, it's like, are you doing it right? Are you doing it wrong? What's going to happen here? They got the eggs. They've got the potatoes, some spice to it.

And then you either get the chorizo or the roasted vegetables, both of which, and I'll be honest, why isn't there one with both? That's true. That's a good point. Duncan, get on the chorizo roasted vegetables one. Then you got yourself a real winner. You might have just invented something.

Like my uncle invented the Dunkuccino. He'll tell that to anybody who asks. My grandmother invented the electric screwdriver. Oh, yeah? Yeah. She just had an idea for a screwdriver that does the work for you. I was like, that doesn't count as an invention, Grandma. But whatever.

I think it does. Yeah? Yeah, I'll give Danana clancy the div there all right i just feel like you know i can be like yeah i i want uh i want cars that like drive themselves and then also can like go into the water and float oh wait it was just yeah oh she didn't even tell anybody no yeah oh okay i thought she like wrote a letter no no no no she's probably sitting there like i wish this just did good for you. It doesn't count as an invention. But what Duncan invented, the burrito bowls are great, obviously, for breakfast, but I also have them every afternoon with the rundown.

I get so happy when it's for an ad read. Yeah. They're really, really good. I have cauliflower in there. I usually would never eat cauliflower, but it's in there. I'm like, okay. I didn't know cauliflower was in there. Yeah, in the fire-roasted one.

So dig into something new for breakfast or lunch or dinner or a snack, whatever. America runs on Dunkin' Prince. Price and participation may vary. Limited time. Offer. John, we were just about to start the podcast. It's so much to know. What's it come to? It's taking over you. John, we were just about to start the podcast, and John said, I have a, what do you say, sizable?

Fairly sizable. Fairly sizable announcement. And so I sat right down. I said, let's fucking record. Let's go. So fairly sizable announcement time. I have not had a tobacco in a week. Ooh. I wasn't going to announce anything.

I wasn't going to say I was trying to stop, but it's a week now and I feel like I almost got over it. It's like a contest with myself. Now I'm in. Now the competitive side of you. Honestly, it kind of just happened like an accident. I just didn't have a tin for like two days and i was like

well let's see how long we can go and then once it's actually like in two weeks i've had one but it's only been one week straight out yeah um but like meaning a whole tin or just no more wow um i've had i've had some black buffaloes, but a tobacco. That doesn't matter. Yeah. A tobacco has been. You can do black buffalo until the fucking buffaloes come home, right? I mean, it doesn't matter. The biggest realization is that, like, everything in convenience stores is really fucking cheap.

I just always, like, you factor it in. Like, going in, there's a $13 add-on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You basically had a $13 cover. Right. Every time I even tell a convenience store, I'm like, hey, this is only $6? Are you fucking kidding me?

I get dinner from the deli where I usually get my tins. Yeah. I get whole sandwiches and waters and chips. I walk out, it's like $9. It's crazy. Things are obscenely cheap in this world if you're not adding $14 on top of it. Yeah. When you're not dependent upon basically a drug of some sort, life gets affordable.

Yeah. How come you get cancer from tobacco? I don't think it's the tobacco. What is it? I think it's everything else. I'm sure tobacco doesn't help. I understand with cigarettes, there's like like tar and you light it on fire, you're sucking smoke in,

but like, what about, what's bad when you do a lip? I don't, I don't, you know, I don't know. You know what?

Let me get it back on. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. That'd be so funny if you just pulled it out. The fiberglass. The fiberglass is good. Yeah, but that's not good for you.

I used to have, like you're consuming it. I used to play baseball with a kid who had braces and he would, because the fiberglass is the cut, consuming it. I used to play baseball with a kid who had braces, and he would, because the fiberglass is the cut, so it gets in your system, and he would, before you put a lip in, he would just rub.

You watch on barcelagold.com slash KFC, you can see me like, he would just like, just tear up the inside of his lip and then put tobacco on it. It was gruesome. That's bad. Yeah. That's when you know you got a problem.

And what were you, like, 15? No, I mean, I was actually, we were in college. But he was, like, the catcher on the, but he was, like, yeah, so I braced as a freshman. Look at you, man. Yeah, it's pretty exciting. Because it is, like, I even have a full tin sitting right by my bed, so I can't have one of my mom. Oh, wow, that's real bad. That's real good, actually.

I'm just like, it's there for you. I'm like, ah, I don't want one right now. I mean, you've been, you've been what, using it every day for? I was going to say about 14. I was going to say like half your life. Yeah. My first, my first. Every day?

Yeah, every day. Well, I've probably been a 10 a day for, I would guess I've been a 10 a day since like my senior year of high school. A 10 a day. A tin a day. And, uh, but, like... You ever just get them in bulk? I feel like you're always, like, running against tin. Down south, I would do that.

Just get, like, a box of them? Because down south, it would just be, like... Four dollars? It'd be, like, yeah, like, you get a deal for them. Like, yeah, it's, like, nine dollars a log. My grandma used to bootleg cigarettes. Kent cigarettes. She bought them off the fucking Indian reservation

She had a guy who would go to the Indian tribal lands And buy cases and crates And then she would buy them So she didn't bootleg them She bought them You basically have a dealer for your cigarettes, grandma Jesus Christ She was some OG shit

She was just like, I'm going to smoke until I die I'm going to get cancer and die. And she did. And she did. I respect that. Yeah. This is going to kill me one day. She just smoked her way through.

I kind of think about that with basically anything. I see it, too. I was thinking if I went to the doctor and there's always the inevitable question, how much do you drink? I drink every day. Every single day. We have a cut down on that. Probably not. No.

So, like, let the chips fall where they may. Especially once you're old. I feel like, you know, for me, I'm like, oh, I have these kids. But, like, for her, it was like, I had kids. Now they're grown. They have their kids. Like, it's on to the next generation. I did my job.

Like, I'm out. Deuces. Sounds good to me. I'm not here for a long time. I'm here for a good time. I'm miserable. She was like, I'm here for a good time I'm like a miserable She was like you know In the hospital bed

Like Yeah Letting it fucking rip My dad famously like Won her over Because she didn't like him Because my dad was a dick To my mom for so long

And She also just How about that How about grandma Just not driving She's just like I don't drive Oh my grandma

Wouldn't drive at night And it wasn't like An eye-opening sight thing Wouldn't drive off the island So we live on city islands A mile long She would drive like That I don't drive. Oh, my grandmother wouldn't drive at night. And it wasn't like an eye-opening sight thing. She wouldn't drive off the island. So if we live on City Island, it's a mile long. She would drive, like, that's it. Cross over the bridge, won't do it. So she got chauffeured around like a fucking diva.

It's a pretty good thing to make up a phobia. I think that's just like old lady stuff. Because both my grandmothers, one just never had a license, ever. Yeah. And then the other one wouldn't drive, like, after 4 p.m. She was like, nope. Oh, are we going to dinner? Well, it's going to be dark on the way home, so I'm not driving.

Can't do that. You know, there's lights and shit. Nope, nope, all good. But so my dad would drive her around everywhere, and he let her smoke in the car. That's what it's like. You can light up. And she was like, all right, cool, I like you now. That's disgusting, by the way.

Oh, in the car? You would just smoke in cars? Bro, we used to stink. We used to fucking go to her house. I used to basically half live with her for a while. I spent half my time there and half my time with grandma. I didn't realize it at the time, especially because I was young enough and I wasn't worried what girls think about me or what people think about me.

But I just walked around smelling like a stinky old woman. It was like grandma's perfume and cigarettes. I had a babysitter who would do that. And my dad would just like... My dad did not like people caring for me. Wait, you had a babysitter who would smoke? Yeah, with us in the car. That's crazy.

In front of you? Yeah. It's not like a babysitter. I'll be honest. No, it's Eduardo. It's the one who left the basement. I was going to say, I would lock her in the basement. And my dad came.

My dad one day told her. Because she would basically just take us to her house. And she would do her chores. Yeah. And then would just bring us back home before my parents got home. And my dad caught wind of it. And he's like, you're on the clock. He's like, you're not going to your house to do your fucking chores.

You're being paid to work at my home. Yeah. Work at my home. I do not want to see that. I don't want to hear about this happening again. And she was like, okay, okay. Sorry, senor. And so he went to work, and he realized he forgot something,

so he came back. And he came back. We were pulling out of the driveway. She was fucking smoking in the car, no windows down, taking us to her house to go do laundry. And I was like, get the fuck out of the car. Sent her home fired. That's it for, get the fuck out of the car. Sent her home, fired. That's it for Eduardo.

I mean, that's fair. If your nanny's fucking lighting up and just, like, hanging out at her house, come on. The whole locking in the basement didn't, that wasn't the end of Eduardo? Nope. No. And she would still. That should have been the end for Eduardo. Right.

She would have been like, I'm out of here. I'm not watching this lunatic. She would still come back after she'd been fired and, like, ask if she could take us to McDonald's and stuff because she just missed us. And I was like, get out of here, you lunatic. She would still come back after she'd been fired and ask if she could take us to McDonald's and stuff because she just missed us. And I was like, get out of here, you lunatic. Her son,

we'd hang out at her house with her son who had just gotten out of prison. What an environment. Ripping cigs, hanging out with convicts. And we're always probably going to kidnap you.

What do we got today? Elbella Danger's on the program the return of a bella and uh you'll you'll hear her on the podcast you'll also see her uh she ran it back for answer the internet which she famously has the most viewed barstool video of all time at like four and a half million so we did answer the internet part two with abella which uh is not out yet you'll see it in a couple weeks when we come back with Season 2 of Answer the Internet. And the Answer the Internet card game is here. We've been working on this for like a year.

It's time to announce it. Tuesday, next Tuesday, so a week from today as you listen to this. 29th, I believe. Tuesday the 29th, Answer the Internet, the card game has arrived. If you're watching on Barstool Gold right today as you listen to this. 29th, I believe. Tuesday the 29th. Answer the Internet. The card game has arrived. If you're watching on Barstool Gold right now, you can see it. Barstoolgold.com slash KFC. Answer the Internet questions as fucked up as you are.

This will be available in the Barstool store. It'll be available at Walmart. Walmart, he said. Amazon, he said. Amazon. Getting that Bezos money. This is the real fucking deal. Again, if you're watching on gold, you can see the cards.

It's a very sleek design, black with the neon colors. We got the cartoons drawn on there. It's 500 of the best questions we've ever received over the last eight years. We have the entire, every question ever has been cataloged, and we picked out the best 500. Now, they're the way to play this. There's there's there's gameplay. There's rules if you want to play it for real.

So there's answer the Internet. There's debate the Internet and there's poll the Internet. So the poll, the Internet questions has we tweeted them out like a few months ago. If you follow ATI Barstool, you saw us tweeting out, obviously, hundreds of questions. And so we have the percentage of Barstool readers who answered the question one way or the other. So when you poll the internet, your job is to try to guess what the audience said. Debate the internet is like a clear-cut one way or the other type of argument. And then answer the internet are just your generic, ridiculous questions.

There's a point system. There's a drinking game to it. But for the most part, this is just, you know, shooting the shit. This is like you're at a pregame, and you've got a stack of questions. You can pull out the deck, and, you know, you have one person judge. If you're at a bachelor party, bachelorette party, you're in a wedding, pre-wedding, you're pre-gaming before you hit the bar. On a first date.

Honestly, it's a great fucking icebreaker. It's a great combo starter. It sounds ridiculous. I think it was fantastic. You know, I would maybe pick certain questions. Maybe, you know, just much like what we do for certain celebrities. You know, certain people, I'm not going to ask them if they'd fuck their dad in the ass. Maybe don't ask your new date that one.

But it's honestly, every time we put out a video or any time we talked about it, people said, is there somewhere where we can get a master list of questions? And we've been working on this the whole time. So everyone's been asking for it. And we're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we got you. But, I mean, you did it at, what was that, a wedding? Wedding, yeah. That was what really sparked it was you asked a few of the questions. We had a list of like 20, I think i think yeah it was just like we were on the back of a trolley at a wedding yeah

it was kind of like it was like i think you know the wedding parties peppered because then you you you texted me being like is it written down anywhere right because i feel like it is a good thing like i don't know hey you need a conversation starter in that situation some people know each other some people don't and you throw out one of the classics you know you're like a hundred duck-sized horses or a duck-sized horse a horse-sized duck but then it was like everyone's loving it we need more we need more like yeah it ended up being like a real burden for me yeah because you're like the master yeah yeah yeah especially yeah it was the dealer i think it's fucking fiending for it i think we take it for granted because this is like our entire lives.

Like we're almost like used to it or whatever. When you hear these for the first time, you're a normal person. It's fucking fun. Yeah. It's great to like get the party going. I mean like the brides, like mom and dad were turning around like, hang on, what did you say? Yeah.

You're out to fight horses? Yeah. You get everybody involved. So the game will be available Tuesday the 29th. You can buy it right at Barstool, buy it on Walmart, buy it on Amazon. Spencer Gifts is still going to the mall. 500 questions. We'll be releasing, like, expansion packs and whatnot throughout the years.

But this is going to be big. It's a very big deal. I mean, you should have seen. We'll give you a little look behind the curtain here. We got an email that Walmart wanted to have a meeting, but and it was pitched to us like nothing's going to happen. Don't get your hopes up, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.

Like, like, just basically come through. Walmart wants to talk. But, you know, it's a pipe dream. Don't don't even don't worry about it. Whatever we get in there. I know Walmart's history and i expected to see like men in three i could see men in like mad men suits yeah we're just like sitting there smoking with a glass of whiskey where it's just like kind of very old-fashioned there's three people

our age who are fans and when they were like asking they it basically got down to them being like okay so can we have the game? It wasn't a pipe dream. It wasn't made to sell that. I was almost mad. Can we have it? I was mad afterwards because they, in the middle of the meeting, were kind of like, well, I mean, obviously we're going to do this.

It's just a question of how many. And I was like, wait, obviously. Wait, what? What was that fucking email that said don't have your hopes high? I would come in with a completely different mindset. It was just like, oh, yeah, these guys are definitely buying this game. We what? We quadrupled our initial order.

Yeah. Right? Even more so probably. Maybe 10x. Really? Yeah, it might be. Yeah, so once we talked to some distributors who expressed interest, we ordered 10 times the amount we had ready to go.

So it'll be out on the 29th. It's obviously going to be a huge black Friday, uh, type of sale too. It's great to make. It's great for gifts. It's great for you for fun. College,

post-college guys, girls, old, young, all of it. I want it to be like Barstool's cars against humanity. When that, when that game came out and basically took the world by storm with being like

edgy and vulgar, uh uh not so much compared to this so uh it's a little more creative it's a little more involved right now good hand job for your grandmother a bad hand job for your grandmother classic you ain't getting that one what's the meme or whatever the fucking shows are uh would you rather have sex with your dream girl once or get nudes from every girl you know? I would rather get – I've been off the nudes for a bit. Yeah, you're a fucking loser. I haven't had a nude in a while. I haven't fired off a nude in a while. I think I would rather do the sex in this time, which is crazy.

Just one time? John's finally picked sex. Yeah. That doesn't happen a lot with me. I think there's something to – You could offer me, like, would you rather have sex or a three-day-old egg salad sandwich i'm like i don't know i haven't eaten in an hour i guess my tummy's grumbling a little bit i feel like uh like a nude could be like a pick-me-up though especially if it's like everyone

you know i don't at all times speaking of that girl that'd be a lot of pretty fucking good i didn't see pull it up here this one by This one, by the way, is ridiculous. Would you rather have a tiny hot leprechaun that you could fuck whenever or have a leprechaun's gold? I don't get this one. It makes no fucking sense. You say that like other people are like, oh, I understand it. Oh, I understand. No, I would not want to fuck.

I want the gold. I want the gold. Where the gold at? Where the gold at? I want the fucking tiny hot person. Did you see bridget the midget uh yeah shout out to her i mean it's the funny it's like they're so bad the headline like bridget the midget and she'll be stabbing her boyfriend in the calf with a butter knife butter knife is strong yeah it's like that that is as as midgety of a story as you can get but listen if you sign up to date

bridget the midget who's also the front man of a punk rock band, did you know that? I mean, you know what you're getting into. The first time you fuck that girl, you're like, I'm going to get stabbed eventually. This is definitely going to happen. Duh me. I think this is, you know, we're not supposed to be like, wow.

Because we're supposed to be like, this is horrible that it got leaked. But like, you look hot as shit. Yeah, I mean, she's hot. Shucks, I wish it didn i'm shocked is that like old or new i think they're brand new they get like post uh post um od uh yeah i would guess so who would you want to represent you in trial by combat bridget the midget uh who i want to represent me in triallike combat probably you so you die yeah yeah you're right you're right i get it i see where you're going we we probably both would end up

in the afterlife on that one yeah we'd both be dead whatever fuck it who gives a shit i'm gonna die anyway give me a cigarette good dude i'm fucking so amped for this i'm very proud of this this is like this is for if you're an og listener this is like our entire show coming to life and for us who have been working on it for the better part of a decade now this is like the physical it's like you we boxed our career yeah we took not a very big box nope but it could have been it could have been bigger it could have been bigger it could have been bigger it could have put more questions than we wanted small box everything i've done for a decade fixing here but uh yeah it's and it's also like everything i've done is worth like

24.99 whatever the fucking price point we picked is but uh yeah it's it's we we wanted to make it more expensive we said fuck that we want to make it cheap for the fucking people yeah, it's cool. We wanted to make it more expensive. We said, fuck that. We want to make it cheap. For the fucking people. Yeah. It is funny, too, though, because if you're OG or like us, every now and then I pull a question from the deck and I remember the episode. Because the leprechaun thing makes no fucking sense.

But it was probably a St. Patrick's Day episode or there probably was a story about a little person that was making the rounds or it was the leprechaun in Alabama. So some of these things make like the one that's would you rather be falsely accused of murder or never be able to stop coming? And I'm sure there was like a story in the news to someone who was falsely accused of murder. And I'm sure once a year there's that story, like the girl, the girl who orgasms 800 times

a day or whatever it is like we had all that all that come to light for some reason on the podcast. And so it's out of context and it makes no sense now. Still makes for a great time. But I can be like, that was like 2013. And this was happening. So everything KFC Radio into one little box. Go get yours, like I said. Barstool, Walmart, Amazon.

Go get them next Tuesday. Tuesday, 29th, comes out. For you, for your friends. Tell your friends. Get it for your mother. Get it for your mother. Your mother would love to play. Honestly, your mother probably would love to play

on the internet, just like not in front of you. So we'll have a Bella later in the show. First, let's get into some voicemails. Voicemails are brought to you by Burrow. The best part of fall is here, and that means sitting inside when it's rainy and cold, watching the games, watching Netflix on a comfortable-ass couch, and that's what Burrow provides you. Comfortable, fucking intuitive, technologically advanced couches.

I'm rocking my barstool indoors every single night now. I am too. Yeah? Have I converted you from jeans? Let me make a correction. I am every weekend. I still stay in pants when I get home. Why?

But when I wake up on the weekend, I don't go to bed. Don't you think to yourself, like, wow, it was so comfortable on Sunday. Why am I not doing it on Monday? Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Just checking. Look, I'm defeating one habit at the moment.

That's true. One at a time here. We'll get around to that. But I put them on Sunday or Saturday, and I was just like, these are really comfortable. I am like a walking advertisement at this point because I did. I put them on, and I sat on my bar or couch all day. Beautiful. Yeah.

It's funny when people put them on for the first time because they, it's almost like they don't believe me or they don't understand. Like when you say those pants are really soft, people are like, okay, whatever.

Then you put them on, you're like, oh, now I get it. What is this business about you not putting cotton clothes in the dryer? Yeah, I never dry stuff. What are you talking about?

Anything that like I like that I don't want to shrink, never. So what do you do with it? You just hang them up? You hang it? Yeah. Cotton anything cotton?

Yeah. Cotton always shrinks. Everyone is like, oh, it's pre-shrunk? Like, no. Every time you dry something, it shrinks. I dry absolutely everything I have. Do you guys? I dry everything.

Yeah. I would be careful with certain things. You just don't dry. You hang up, like, every time you do laundry, you hang something up? Yeah. I don't do that. But I would definitely be worried. Any of, like, the nicer, like, things that I don't really care about, I'll dry.

In fact, I dry things to shrink them. They get too baggy when I wear them, and I shrink them back. That's not how that works. Yeah. I only wash my jeans. That all just happened from that works yeah i only wash my jeans that all just happened from washing it i only wash my jeans when i need them to tighten up again yeah jeans are a little bit different i'm talking about like shirts that won't fit you anymore anytime i have like a i have a couple long sleeve t-shirts where i'm like yeah i got bag any of my hoodies that i

really like if i wash them like at all with hoodies uh any like nicer quality t-shirts like expensive t-shirts that, like, fit me right, anything that I like at all, I don't. I don't even know if it's cotton. It's just, like, when people always talk to me about, like, should I dry it? I'm like, do you like it? Then don't fucking risk it. Don't shrink it.

Just hang it up. That's too much work. So then what? Would you iron it after? No, then you throw it in the dryer and just, like, de-wrinkle it. Oh, okay. Okay. I get it. Okay. Okay. I get it.

I just got so sick of fucking shrinking things. Just like, well, this was, like, a nice shirt that now I can't wear anymore. When it shrinks up, I hate that. When you put your arms above your head and your fucking, like, belly sticks out. No, no, no, no, no, no. I also just don't want, I mean, stop asking me about how to do your laundry, people. Yeah, I mean, that's bad. Like, you know what fucking size shirt you wear.

Well, how does this run? I don't know, man. Are you a large? Then get a fucking large. Then get a fucking large. And I understand in the one case of the quilted, like, it's a weird thing, but they ask me about every single thing, and I'm like, is it just because you have access to the person putting them out?

Like, do you get to fucking ask Ralph Lauren what size to buy? You just fucking buy what size you are. Yeah. And, like, I don't know. Should you dry it? Are you worried about it shrinking? Then don't. If you dry it are you worried about it shrinking then don't if you're not worried about drinking then what then dry it i don't fucking know man fashion thing though like wouldn't that be a trend like we'll just take all the mediums and we'll label them large why would you do that and this doesn't make any sense we'll label everything large some things this is barstool sports not some fashion

house we're not doing like right different Like, are you a large guy? Get a fucking large shirt. Do you want it to be, like, a little bit baggier? Get an extra large. Do you want it to be tighter? Get a medium. There's only fucking, like, three or four choices here. Crazy.

And I'm also sorry to the fat people. We're just not going to make, like, triple and quadruple X. Yeah. Consider it a motivation. Okay? And if not, if you're not going to work out, stick around on your burrow couch.

This is all one big burrow. And right now, uh, the burrow sofa can handle anything. You can, you can lounge on it for days on end. It's a high quality. It's made from, uh,

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all of it comes with a USB charger because it's a smart couch. And the best part is super affordable. And you can get 75 bucks off when you go to burrow.com slash KFC. It's B-U-R-R-O-W dot com slash KFC. Free one week shipping. Save a couple hundred bucks trying to ship a big ass couch. And so you can get it, you know, order right now. You'll have it in time for Sunday football.

Go to burrow.com slash KFC for 75 bucks off. I went back to the gym, speaking of working out. Me too. And. One Saturday. I, we were doing a bunch of squats and shit. Oh. I mean, I couldn't even like walk this weekend.

Squats? You couldn't take a shit, could you? It was. You couldn't plop down? It was like, I mean, every time I got up, pushing off with my arms. And I had the kids for fucking four days straight, four nights straight, five days. And I was just like chasing them around. And like, they're like, pick me up.

I'm like, I can't. Daddy can't fucking walk. Okay. Figure it out yourself. It was brutal. But I got one of those Theraguns. Oh, I got a Hypervolt. What do you do with it?

I make sweet, sweet love to it. This thing, the lowest setting will blow your fucking mind. I've seen Asa fuck herself with one. You definitely could fuck with that thing. I literally watched Asa

fuck herself. You want to get your girl off? Fuck her with a Hypervolt, because that shit will make her cum instantly. It's like,

you know, you felt like a vibrator type of massage thing before, right? Not really, I've never really had a massage.

This is like, beyond. Like, anything you've ever felt that, like, vibrates, it's like, this thing is like, and I just sat there i don't

know for like two hours just fucking i probably like injured myself i just i just fucking take it and i just run it up and down my legs it's it it is a borderline actually just maybe full-blown sexual experience it's like i almost want to go back to the gym to get sore to use my gun maybe this is going to be something that motivates me that's a good idea there you go speaking of uh sexual experiences i guess we should probably touch on the yankees i i had one of the dirtier moments of my life on saturday night i know i was not happy with it where i was not happy with this i was standing up like not on the bar but on like the bar, the bar railing, slamming the table, going, let's go! After the manual run.

I mean, that's disgusting. It was, look. You know what's really concerning? A, you were rooting for the Yankees. B, you bet, like, ten games in a day. Yeah, it was 0-8-1. Nine games, John? You are gone to the dark side.

It was. In the beginning, it was like, I just want to get in on, like, the gambling craze, so I'm just doing a single party. Now it's like, oh, i'm a degenerate addict the one thing i will acknowledge is that like it is one of those things where someone's like dude i like i'm like okay i almost won indiana verse maryland my buddy who just texted me he's like i really like indiana today i'm like all right like you're wanting you've gone to the dark side it doesn't make any sense i get it that's what everybody says and i'm like it doesn't make any sense. I get it. That's what everybody says, and I'm like, it doesn't make any sense. But then even you, who said that, you now do it. I acknowledge it doesn't make sense, but it was just bad.

You can't do that again. It was nice. Don't bet where you have to root for the team. You thought the Yankees were going to win too, though, right? I know, but I would never bet so that I have to root for them. The nice part of the redemption angle it was that like someone bought the bar shots and it was like i mean there were like seven people in the bar it was an empty bar it wasn't like some packed new york bar um and uh by the time i got the shots this game was over so now it's a celebratory shot yo i i loved it so much i I love it every year.

And I don't care how it's sad that I'm not rooting for my own team. I walk away from October baseball happy every year. That's true. Not because of the Mets, because the Yankees lose, but it happens every year. The Yankees stink. John, I'm in the middle of a dynasty. 18 out of 19 years, I win in October.

I'm the fucking biggest winner here. Courtesy of the Yankees. 18, 10 straight years. A decade long dynasty of me laughing every October. And it just keeps going. That's true. It ain't the 90s anymore. Derek Jeter, Paul O'Neill, Mariano Rivera.

They ain't walking through that door. It is. Scott Brocious and Hideki Matsui. They're gone. They're dead. It is crazy that Yankee fans still act like it's the Yankees. I think this is the year. I'm going to lead this charge.

I said it on CCK. I love every year. I think next year when it happens, I'm just going to be like, all right, cool. That's what happens. Because that's what happens. They are the Atlanta Braves. One World Series to show in the last 20 years of dominance for them. Multiple 100-win seasons, always in the playoffs,

minus a couple years, you know, contending with the Red Sox for AL East every single year. And then they lose in the playoffs. You won one. You bought one. And 2009 was the most purchased and last purchased, I think, World Series ever. I think that was, like, almost the end of it.

That's when the luxury tax shit started. That's when the Steinbrenners changed. And it was just like you went out and you bought the top three free agents because you missed the playoffs the year before, and you won one, and then you lost it again. If they didn't have that, this year would tie their longest drought ever. So, I mean, you can't take it away, but, like, it was a different feel to it because of the way they bought it.

They are a great regular season team. When do we stop? When do we start? And I will shout out Tommy Scabelli. He did say what's something that makes me think that Yankee fans are coming around. Self-aware? He goes, it was a fun baseball

season. That's what they play for. You know. They play for fun. And I mean, the amount of chirping about like, you know, we made it further than XYZ. We made the playoffs and you didn't or whatever. Did you win your last game? That's all that matters. That's all that matters.

And like, if you really want to start to break it down, it's like, all right, well, the Mets have been to the World Series more recently than you. So like now we're better than you. I don't know. If you can just make up these metrics for the Yankees, it should be nothing other than World Series wins, and you don't do that anymore. You don't even go to that anymore.

So, let's just, it's just business as usual. It got like that with the Patriots before the Seahawks. It was just like, they lose in the playoffs. That's what's going to happen every year now. I mean, it was like a decade-long drought. Same thing with the Yankees right now. Brady obviously just like restarted the dynasty, but, you know, I don't know. I mean, when do you start to just say, I don't think Yankees anymore.

I mean, everything being pre-war, pre-Kennedy assassination, like pre-integration. I'm arguing all day on the radio, and people call up. I was like, at what point, you know, what makes you, like, the big bad Yankees anymore? And they legitimately, unironically, say 27 rings. I wouldn't even, did you even talk about, like, the 04 anymore? It's like, that shit is done. I don't even talk about it.

I talk about what happened last year. Right. It's like, I don't even. I don't even talk about it. I talk about what happened last year. Right. It's like, I don't even, I don't talk about the 2015, Matt. It's just like a long fucking time ago. That's what happens with, even with like the Eagles, Eagles fans are like, well, chirp me about it, because every time I lose the Eagles, and it's, I think I tweeted last night, like, without Michaels,

I always had a great call. That might set the record for most wide open receiver in history. That's a great call for the Eagles secondary. Well, this guy was open, and it's like the fucking Philly special. Dude, I won the last one. I know. Especially when it's like we already got our fucking redemption. I already got it more recently than you.

Get that the fuck out of my – that does not hurt me. It cannot hurt me anymore. No. And that's the way – But it's like what Bill Burr said. He was sitting sitting right here and when he thought i was a red sox fan he was like what do you even care for anymore i i mean i i what the rocket did on that stream it was it was a fucking award-winning performance i think it it's not you can't compare to like actual baseball calls but it was one of the best baseball calls of all time what was it uh when they when

the astros hit that walk off he he was was, I mean, you got to hear it because I don't want to do it a disservice, but he was just like, couldn't have happened to a worse guy, an abuser, a man who shot a gun at a woman. And he had the announcer voice going. And it was, I mean, it was a thing of fucking beauty. But honestly, I'm happy that he still has that hatred because if I was him, I wouldn't.

Yeah, I mean, I don't. I i i i'll always it's in my blood but for the rest of you guys you should be like this is the braves could you imagine if john like years from now tom brady eventually retires maybe oh maybe never never but you know many years from now and he's bragging about the patriots like they're this patriots like they're're the Brady and Belichick. We're talking like 20 years. Now, imagine that that was 100 years ago and he was talking about it like it matters. Like if Tom Brady happened 100 years ago, you'd just be like, that's a relic of the past. I get asked a lot.

Like, what are you going to do when Brady's like when that's gone? You know, you're going to suck again one day right yeah and guess what i don't fucking care i don't care i've compared it to it's like i found the love of my life this woman's beautiful she's gonna die one day and love me and she's gonna die of cancer okay i was saying that as a joke that's what's gonna happen she's gonna die of cancer and the rest of my life would be like look i had the love of my life i'm good i don't need to go find someone new so true you can try and hurt me be like oh you're a single now like bitch i had 20 amazing fucking years yeah don't worry about me dude i i forget about like what you've had if i can win one

i just want one and i don't know if i'll ever care again i might i might even stop hating the yankees i might just like give up on sports altogether i just want to get to the top and once you're at the top it's hard like i was doing the blog today which is gonna be after but we're going to wicked wolf and uh i was like like it's a big day and i couldn't even write that earnestly like no it's not no i mean it's a monday in october i don't know maybe maybe the jets will win we'll find out it'll doesn't fucking matter patriots will be there in the end like like what if i go whoa like if the patriots happen to lose tonight which is would we get a surprise all right does that fucking matter no and even if

you're losing the playoffs it's like you've had so much. I mean, I guess the Bills are, what, 5-1 now? So maybe you've got to keep pace. All right, but even still, I mean, I feel like Tom Brady has grown quite accustomed to his bye week. But if they were the wild card, would it be like, all right, we'll just win an extra game, too? Yeah. No, I mean, the Patriots are going to win the AFC East. The Patriots are going to win the Summer Bowl.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I know. I know. That's why I went to the gym this weekend. I got to go to fucking Miami. Yeah, you got to tighten up. 100 days?

100 days to go? Less than 90, 98 days or some shit? Ugh. But, yeah, you know what? This is like, this will be the last year in which I'll revel this much because, you know, at one point is it just like I'm bullying I'm bullying the Yankees at this point like they lose that's what they do and I don't need to just keep bringing sand to the beach here I don't need to just keep kicking you while

you're down uh but actually they're all scumbags so I mean that's another thing it's much like Philly yes every fan base has like shitty. When there are just constantly videos coming out, constantly stories being written about it, you are the bigger of the scumbags. The proof is in the pudding. Embrace it. You're all trash. And you lose all the time. The Yankees go.

All right. Now we'll get into our voicemails. Brought to you by Raycon. Shout out to Ray J. Raycon. You saw Brian Cashman in the suite with his portable headphones in? Yeah, that was wild. Right?

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fights BC. First time in a long time. So earlier, I was on my way back to my room after a nice shower, got all clean, it was beautiful. I had with a bomb, a little baby spider, nothing too major, nothing crazy. But of course, you know, you're doing business where I sleep, so I had to

do the job, I had to kill them. It had me thinking how, like, done with society I would be if, for whatever reason, you know, spiders just develop wings out of nowhere so sure i started thinking about that i was thinking about that all the time what animals could do worse damage with wings and i was like shit man a centipede that would fuck me up i'd mentally i don't anything more than four legs i've done um and i fell down that rabbit hole for a

little bit trying to figure out what's the what's the best animal that you could just pop wings on and it would become unstoppable. First of all, on the topic of spiders, yesterday I'm in the car and Shay says, Daddy, there's a spider on my window. Like, mad calm, though, because, you know, children are stupid. Like, mad calm? Mad calm. Totally calm.

Where was that from? What do you mean? I don't know if I've ever heard you talk. No? She was mad calm back there i i i guess i i guess i guess i don't say that much anymore i used to say mad all the time yeah you like but that's a it's an old lexicon yeah i'm bringing it back we're bringing mad back she was mad but it was so weird because it was like and i look over so i look over my shoulder

and on her window it's like a not a tiny spider, not like a big one, but enough that I was like, oh, fuck. But she's kind of just like, whatever, because I don't know. She's dumb. She's not afraid of fucking spiders. So I'm like, on the highway, there's not a shoulder there, though. So I'm like, all right, I'll pull over and get it in a second. But again, she's just kind of like, she's pointing it out.

Daddy, there's a bird. Daddy, there's a spider. So I finally get, this is maybe like a minute later like two minutes later i finally there's a shoulder and i pull off and i open the door up and the spider's gone and she's like she ate it she's just like i don't know the spider's gone and i'm like shade where's the spider like we can't i can't just like get back in the car spider i don't know it could be fucking on the ceiling are Are you scared of spiders? Are you not scared of spiders?

Yeah. Well, you're the weird one. I mean, I'm not like, I don't love spiders. I wouldn't let like have a tarantula crawl over my arm, but like if I couldn't find the spider in a room, I'd just be like, okay. You're probably one of those people who eat seven of them in your lifetime. Probably. I mean, I didn't like really, I was like, all right, well,

I can't find a spider. Let's just drive away. And it was fine. But this little dummy not getting that spiders are scary i need to sit her down and be like stay away from spiders i saw one the other day i should have taken a picture of it this shit was poisonous as fuck this was like a spider spider this wasn't like a little thing or a daddy long legs one of the spiders you've seen before this thing was also yes to be clear by the way i'm scared of like those like a black widow yeah i'm scared of, like, a black widow. Yeah, I'm scared of that.

Right. But would you even really know them if you saw them? That's my thing. I just think the ones that look like the beads, the ones that look like the Spider-Man spider are the dangerous ones. When they have, like, the legs that kind of. Yeah, I have absolutely no proof of this. This one was, like, it was probably, like, that big.

It was, like, a sizable one. Wasn't it? I think Chrissy Teigen was playing with like a super dangerous insect recently like over the summer her kids were like playing with something oh yeah it's like uh that's the most poisonous thing like in the world yeah yeah uh anyway what animal if you gave it wings would fuck shit up um all the scary ones just give them wings i don't think it's like what fucking bears had wings too you'd be fucked yeah yeah gorilla imagine imagine a gorilla doing like and then just the wings pop out it starts flying at you you're

fucked i got it i hadn't thought of those i was thinking like lying like a griffin uh that would obviously not be good. I mean, yeah, you're right. All the scary ones. Yeah, I don't know. If a shark could just pop out of the water and start flying too. Imagine sharks were flying. Yeah, it'd be very cool if their fins, if you're like, well, they don't really.

No, they go like this, right? Yeah. But then imagine if those side fins just became wings. And then they like, let's pretend they didn't need to be in the water. Oh, yikes they would fuck your shit up I would think I'm trying to think

like a snake a snake yeah it just looks so weird yeah that would be weird it would be like a cause it would just be like a cross yeah

but it would look like a mig from uh Star Wars yep yep yeah X

X fighter or uh yeah like a mig well I think mig's from Top Gun. Yeah, no, it's X-Wings. Yeah, yeah, because they're shipped like Xs. They went pretty self-explanatory with that one.

This is the land of Tatooine. That's an X. What does that one look like? An X. A cross? No, an X. The Death Star. But imagine being like a penguin

imagine having wings that don't work you just didn't i mean that's what a raw deal like an ostrich or a godwin or a puffins like why the fuck do i even have these things i don't have hands i don't flamingos do flamingos fly flamingos they only have one leg in my mind. Do they fly? Flamingos? What a useless animal the flamingo is. They just stand there. I think there are more, I think they're kind of in danger. I believe I read the fact recently

that there are more fake flamingos in the world than real ones. Good. Fucking wipe them out. Somebody wipe out the flamingos, please. The, uh, what was I going to say? Fuck, I forgot.

Yeah, I think this is an accurate answer from you. I think it's just, this is anything. Scary ones. Spiders. All right, spiders. Flying spiders. What if you, nah, flying ants would just be, it's a fly. Yeah.

Flying monkeys, like from Wizard of Oz? That'd be scary. How about just dogs, too, though? Imagine if your dog could fly. What about, like... Holy shit, I was on... Like O.J. Simpson. The worst animal in the world.

What if it was, like, just... O.J. O.J. just came flying in. Imagine that. I would love to... O.J. just flew into the side of the building. You know how, like, when they land, too? I'm thinking, like, an eagle.

They kind of, like... And they, like, tuck their wings in. It's all like majestic and shit. Imagine if that was O.J. Simpson. Imagine if he rolls up in the spot and like tucking his wings in, and you're like, whoa. That would be. It would be like, what is it, at your funeral? That's the one celebrity you want?

Imagine if he flew in. I forgot about that. What a great answer. Great answer. And then who's, I think it was Dan Soterus. Somebody else that we really like, like echoed that. Fuck, it was. Segura, I think, was Dan Soders. Somebody else that we really like echoed that. Fuck, it was... Segura, I think, right?

Yeah, it was Segura. Somebody really big, and it was like, oh, yeah, that's how you know it was a good answer. I was on Nikki Glaser's show this morning, and they had this girl from This American Life on there named Elna. She told the craziest fucking story I've ever heard. We were talking about working out and eating and shit and she said she had lost 125 pounds. She had a total body transformation. But she still is crazy about

food. It's almost like drugs. She's like, I can't be around it. I'm going to eat it. She was at her brother's apartment once and he left a full pizza out. One piece was missing. She was a full, but one piece was missing and she was working there like all day and she said,

she just kept like taking little slivers of it and she pulled like in a lane in Seinfeld with the cake, you know that episode where she just keeps taking slivers until it's like fucking gone. So she looks up all of a sudden and the whole pie is gone

and she felt like- Are you taking little slivers of a pizza? Was she cutting her own slices yeah she was like you know when you make those like mini slices when you're at like a four-year-old's birthday party i think she was doing those and then like the whole thing's gone and she felt like deep shame about it and she didn't want to tell her brother that she ate the pizza so she takes the pizza box and she bites it. She rips it. She like punches it and like tears it apart and throws it on the floor and blames the dog.

Okay. So I'm already like, boy, that's fucking crazy. And he comes home and he's like, where's the pizza? And she's like, what pizza? I don't know what you're talking about. And they find it and they're like, oh, the dog ate the fucking pizza. She then continues the story. She took the dog for a walk.

It was a pit bull. And it had one of those choke collars. And she did not put it on properly. And the dog lunged and it broke off. And so she lunges to grab the dog. And the dog thinks that she's playing. So it does that jump thing, jumps backwards into the street, pow, hit by a car, fucking dies.

Oh, my God. And she's just telling the story on the show. I'm already still laughing that she ate the fucking pizza box. And then she starts telling this bad story about the dog, and I'm like, if this dog dies, I'm going to, and the dog fucking dies. So she's sitting there. She's literally holding this dog in her arms as it dies.

And the brother, she calls her brother, I guess. And the brother shows up. And everyone's crying and weeping. And the brother is like consoling her. And he's like, well, at least her last meal was a pizza. And she said she's like weeping. And she's like, I ate the's like i ate the pizza wasn't the dog and they like i was just like this is fucking insane i honestly think it should be like a pilot

of a tv series that was an episode of television that i saw i'd be like this is too fucking good to be this is this is fact is stranger than fucking fiction and uh so as she's telling the whole story we're like laughing and then it was in la at the time and and uh nikki glazer was like where was it and she said koreatown and i nikki just like like she was like because she just wanted to make a joke about asians and dogs someone was like why does it why does it matter where and she was like because i can make a joke right now. This shit is crazy. It was Nikki, this girl Elma, and Nikki's friend who's on the show a lot, Anya.

It's like me and three girls, and they got all deep and talking about all this crazy shit. I was like, this is wild. This is a lot different than talking about my dick with my buddy. So, yeah, I think dogs with wings would be cool. Not like scary. i would like those wings yeah like go get me that fetch all right last voicemail is brought to you by thursday boots the fall is here it's boot weather and you know thursday boots you know well we've done our collabs with them we've been wearing them for years now they've sponsored multiple podcasts and with the uh with the fall winter here it's time for some high quality handcrafted boots sold at honest prices.

So go to Thursdayboots.com and get yours now. That's Thursdayboots.com. Hey, guys. Got one here for you. I got into an argument with my buddy last night at the bar. Street Smart versus Book Smart. He's kind of a fuck-up. He thinks that he dropped out of school, all that.

He thinks now he's going to be fine because he has StreetSmart. I beg to differ. Do you guys actually believe in StreetSmart versus Booksmart? Let me know. Do you believe that, like, the world is round and the sky is blue and the sun rises and sets? You talking to a guy who didn't go to college? Who are you calling and asking this question to, bro?

I mean, that's insane. You're talking to a guy who didn't go to college and a guy who didn't use any of his college at all. I mean, I don't think that's carte blanche to just be like an uneducated buffoon. Right. I think if you have to have one. Yeah. No doubt.

If one has to be working at 100%, one has to work at 50%, take 100% street smarts, take 50% intelligence. Billion percent. Not even intelligence. That's like being informed almost. You know, like people at Jeopardy are just like,

they just like have a good memory basically. They just like learn facts and shit like that. They're not, I mean, I would. It's one of those things where it's like, this is just factual information, like, have a good memory, basically. They just, like, learn facts and shit like that. They're not, I mean, I would. It's one of those things where it's, like, this is just factual information that, like, athletes and the popular kids end up, on average, making more than the smartest kid in school because they have street smarts and social skills. You know how to read a room.

You know how to, like, you know, make people laugh. You know how to, like, even make people, you know, like, argue. You know how to stand up for yourself. You're not just like a, you know. You know how to even make people argue. You know how to stand up for yourself. You're not just like a... You gotta do long division. Congratulations, dude. It's not gonna matter in your life. What's the derivative of the quadratic equation?

School is the stupidest fucking thing in the world. If you go to school, that just shows how you're stupid. That shows that you have no intelligence if you're going to school. Because it's not necessary. You go to school, you're dumb. You're a dumb idiot. If you go to school, you're stupider. You're more stupid.

When should you stop school? When did I stop school? When should you stop school? Probably after high school. That's fair. I thought you were going to say sixth grade. No, no, no. You need that. Going to college is absolutely not necessary. It was a complete waste of money for me going to say sixth grade. No, no, no. You need that. But going to college is absolutely not necessary. It was a complete waste of money for me going to college.

It's so stupid, just like the lessons. Honestly, God, I was the first on the train. I was a junior in high school. You and Zuckerberg were. I was like, wait, you're going to make me go to college? Why? And they were like, you have to. I was like, why do I have to? But you used to have to. That college why and they're like you have to well but why do i have

but you used to have to that was true like like but not for you like previous generation it was like you ain't getting in the door you ain't getting a job offer you're not getting an interview unless you have a degree right now it's almost like the smartest and best and richest and most influential people are all like dropouts and i think i think an average person is gonna be tough for you i still think an average person needs a college degree but yeah probably but like i think it's getting less and less necessary i being more educated can't hurt you but if it means like if i would if you would rather come out of school with like what'll be 200 grand in debt pretty soon and like a couple more job offers at some of these corporate places versus like not being crippled with debt and being able to maybe find like an alternative job or a place that doesn't value that the same.

I don't know. Maybe I'm speaking from a place of like entitlement here in Fantasyland where we have this fake job. You know, if you were just out there getting denied interviews because you don't have a college education well then fuck me but if there is some sort of choice where you can pick between like you know not having to pay and not having to waste four years and all that shit i would do that yeah i i would absolutely i think bob fox is the best example to me like i remember glennie wasn't finishing school a couple people at barstool were thinking about like not finishing school and bob like didn't he i think he did like a day he like and he got his offer and like this is what I want to do, so I'm dropping out. And I remember being like, I don't know if that's a good idea, and now it's proven to be completely the right move. Again, special circumstances, but street smarts, 2 billion percent all the way.

It'll help you forget about – that's just life to like girls or guys, if you're dating and like friends and if you do work, knowing how to interact with coworkers and your boss, all that shit. That's street smarts. I remember being like there was a time when I was like embarrassed to admit that I didn't finish college. And now it's like a badge of honor. I'm like proud. Like you fucking losers. You wasted your whole time. I was sitting in biology class.

What the fuck am I doing here? What is the point of this? If you specialize in something that you need for your career, all good, fine, sure. A school that needs to exist for doctors, architects, all that sort of shit. For the rest of the regular people in the world? The way that the world convinced fucking people

who just want to go into regular workforce. Construction. You're going to go to college for four years, then're gonna go work construction just go work construction go do construction go learn on the job that's where that's where you know what's funny about like in construction jobs like don't if you have a degree like you get like the higher management jobs yeah yeah right so again it can't hurt you but if you ever had to pick between the two street smarts all the way time for abella the queen is back interview with ab the way. Time for Abella. The queen is back. Interview with Abella is brought to you by Figs.

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Go to wearfigs.com, promo code KFC. I can imagine if you're walking the street, it's turning a lot of heads. Got a couple weird stares. It's like if LeBron James is walking the street in his Los Angeles Lakers outfit. I just called it an outfit. I wasn't going to call you out. If LeBron James is walking down the street in his Los Angeles Lakers outfit. It's get up.

Yeah, this is a porn star uniform. This is the Brazzers thing. But they tell me, they're like, you know, go be cute if you wear some Brazzers stuff. Well, you are a company woman then. Yeah. I really always dress in crew necks and jeans. I never wear stuff that show my belly. Well, I guess I do at work, but not in my...

I was going to say, I've only seen that. You're two for two. This one's white, this one's black. Okay, all right. She's very versatile. So you're back for the second time. The first time you came through was quite literally the biggest appearance in varsity sports history.

Oh, stop. It's just factual numbers here. is quite literally like the biggest appearance in barstool sports history with answer the i mean four point whatever three maybe million views now most viewed barstool video of all time we've been around 15 years had a lot of celebrities come through a lot of views you're the queen can i just say i love the jerry springer one Yes. It was so good. I love him. That's why that series is the best, by the way. It's like we can have you. We can have Jerry. Yeah, I mean, it really helped blow the whole thing up. It put us over 100,000 subscribers.

It was quite the performance. A lot of people came up to me. I was waiting for a flight to Canada, and I had no joke, like 10 different people be like, I just saw you on Barstool. Really? So it was good for me too. All right, good. I'm glad to hear that.

So you actually, you put it on your Pornhub account as well. Yeah, I think it has like 200,000. It's up over 300 now. For not being porn. It's a pretty good deal. Yeah.

So like another 300,000 views on Pornhub. It has more views than some of my pornos on there. And well, so the best part was some of the comments that were up there. Oh, really?

I haven't read any of the comments. There's like 45 comments and a couple of them. Oh, my goodness. The one guy says, can you put up some nice fucking porn? This porn sucks. This one guy goes, it's always nice and it's always interesting to see celebrities away from what they usually do, especially when it's something that actually allows you to show their personality. So, like, nice comment.

Someone comments below that, yeah, but the porn is pretty cool, too. I mean, there was a lot of people. One guy was like, why would you be talking about murderers right now? So I can imagine. Yeah, I can imagine you show up, you search for Bella's name, you basically have your dick in your hand, and someone's talking about how many

murderers there are in the world. But we weren't, like, misleading. It's not like, Bella's gonna go suck a dick it's like no shit what did you think you were gonna get the thumbnail is not exactly the most like enticing thing if you wanted to see you want to find a belladanger porn there's plenty more to click on yeah they they've had hundreds and they chose to watch this one that was not porn honestly though that that video like yeah i'm sure you know your porn career and fan base like was a lot of those views but as you were doing it i was like this is funny and interesting like you could tell and like we've seen the videos that perform the best are the people who like give good answers and keeps people watching like the full length of the video

so you were very interesting very compelling thanks yeah i I tried So what's going on now? I mean You moved to Miami right? Yeah Are you officially in Miami? I did move to Miami Yes It's really hard

To live Where the Dolphins play It's very depressing Every time they lose Are you a sports fan? I heard you're gonna do The short porch Yeah I really hope

I have time Because I have to run To this other interview After this But I love the Yankees And I have to run to this other interview after this. But I love the Yankees and I hate the Red Sox. That's more of like the thing. Are you legit?

Are you a real fan or are you just like saying that? No, I really am saying that. And I mean, no, I'm not just saying that. No, I really am. But it's really hard to be like, I never liked the Marlins. The Marlins only won the World Series, I think, when I was in first grade. And then the Dolphins suck. Yeah, I was in first grade in 2003. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Did you even know they won one before that? Did they? Yeah. No, I didn't. You probably weren't alive. You were probably just about. I was born in 95.

Okay, yes, you were two. Fucking shoot. Well, I didn't. You probably weren't alive. You were probably like just, well. I was born in 95. Okay, yes, you were two. Well, you were, you were born. You don't, no. Well, you were born. You were born. What year do you think I was born? Um, 87. I'll take it.

85, 85. Okay, I was close. I was close. I thought you were going to be like 72. No, because my mom was born in 73 and she's like. You say my mom? Oh, no. We were good. I'm not doing it. Fuck. 72? No, because my mom was born in 73. So you're my mom? Yeah! Fuck.

When was your mom born? 56. Oh, okay. That's a little age difference. A little bit. Go to dollarshaveclub.com right now. Use the promo code KFC. You get $5 on all your Dollar Shave Club starter sets. That means you can get the dental set.

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It's really sad. They're going to be literally the worst team of all time. Yeah, it's really sad. Like, guaranteed 0-16, I think. It's really sad. The Jets are always there, though. So you got this pop-up shop going on? Is that what the deal is?

Yeah, we're doing an art exhibit. I honestly have no idea what's going on. I think last time you were here, you also didn't know what was going on. Yeah, I did. You were doing ASMR, and you were like, I don't know what's fucking happening. Yeah, like yesterday, they were like, oh, how do you feel about, like I was doing an interview, and they're like, how do you feel about this art exhibit that they're doing? And I was like, wait, I thought it was a pop-up shop.

I thought we were selling stuff. I really don't know what's going on. I just know that I have to be here. So I'm sorry. Does this happen a lot? You just don't know what's going on. I just know that have to be here So I guess it's Is that how your career works just like show up and they're like No, I get the script beforehand I know I'm actually prepared for those things but every non porn thing I I have no idea. But I shot a porno directed by Bella Thorne. Oh, that's right.

I swear my bar still sports, and so the internet has more views than that because people hated that. Why? Because it's like really soft core. Oh, come on, Bella. So wait, as you're doing that, are you like, this is going to suck? No, I mean, because I did really have sex in it, but they didn't show it. Yeah, exactly. That's a waste of time.

Yeah, and it's on Pornhub Premium, so people have to pay to watch it. And people are like, I paid to watch fucking South Court. Yeah, but it was really fun. She's cool. Yeah, she's cool. She's really hot. That was kind of misleading when like they the headlines made it seem like she was in the porn i know she's directing it i was like okay

but you know i know she's she's i would love to see a porno with her in it i feel like that's kind of on the table i feel like you could like convince her just give her a hug she'd be like abella abella does abella it's like perfect come on it'll probably be softcore It'll probably be softcore, though, because I feel like that's how it was. More of the artsy. Yeah, it was really artsy and weird. Like, my boyfriend thought I was going to kill him kind of thing. I don't know. I kind of didn't know what I was doing.

Go on. Yeah, like, he borrows my phone, and he saw that I Googled. Well, it was Googled on my page, how to kill your boyfriend and get away with it. And we go through this whole spiel. I was going to say that's not a very smart way to learn how to kill your boyfriend, but I've seen that. People get caught like that all the time.

Casey Anthony did that shit. Casey Anthony did? Yeah. Really? Well, Casey Anthony got away with it. She did get away with it. But that's what she said. Casey Anthony, that was one of the greatest moments of my life.

When I read that, she said that Zanny was the one that killed the baby. You remember that? No, who's Zanny? She said that Zanny was supposed to be their nanny. And it was like, Zanny didn't exist, but someone just asked her. Zanny the nanny? What's the nanny's name? And I think she just panicked and just changed the letter.

It was Zanny. I mean, it was a literal scene from The Office. Zanny. I mean, it was a scene. It was a literal scene from The Office. Zanny. When he asks, Dwight, what's your dentist's name? And he says, Crentus. He says, your dentist's name is Crentus? Your nanny's name is Zanny?

I was in bed cackling laughing. And she got off, man. I was just like, damn it. Something else in Florida. It's always Florida. It makes me look so bad. I was just like, damn it. Something else in Florida. It's always Florida. It makes me look so bad. And you just chose to move there. Well, I don't associate. You hated LA so much, right?

Miami is so different from the rest of Florida. It kind of is. So they're like, oh, you live in Florida. I'm like, no. No, Miami. I live in Miami. There is a difference there. But it should go down there, too.

I don't know. Something about the air, the water down there. It's crazy. I lived there for two years. It's not great. You lived in Miami? I lived in Tallahassee. OK, OK. I don't know. Something about the air or the water down there makes me feel so crazy. I lived there for two years. It's not great. You lived in Miami? I lived in Tallahassee. Okay, okay.

Tallahassee. Shit's crazy there. Shit's crazy there. The worst Chinese food in the history of the world. Oh, really? That's not surprising. It's a famous thing.

It's so famous it was written to the script of Lost. You got a better chance of finding good Chinese food in Tallahassee than whatever the other, I don't know, find out what the smoke monster is.

The only time it's fun to be there is during the UM and FSU game. No, it's not. Yeah. No, it's fucking nuts. It's like you took a legit. I described going into the UM FSU games as like, it was like walking through a literal war, like a battlefield. Like afterwards, like people were just passed out.

Not from drinking. I'm used to that. People would just fight violence yeah lots of violence the rivalry is super real they both stink though stop

I'm from Miami I love the U what's going on with the porn career what's like do you just like keep doing porn once you're like

super successful like just keep shooting the same scene it's fine. It's kind of like you've already done everything you can kind of do sexually or whatever. I did a trailer park movie, and it was really interesting. Classy. It was like a three-day movie, and I grew up in this trailer park, but I wanted to have more with my life, so I ran away.

And then they don't go into detail about it, but I had a really tough time when I was in the city. It wasn't, like, everything I thought it was going to be. So I came back to, like, my childhood love, Melanie. And her mom is, like, really strict, and she's, like, this, like, born-again Christian and stuff. I think we're talking Oscars. I feel like best actress on the way.

And me and her, like, start making out in the trailer, and her mom catches us. And she's like, what the fuck are you doing with this girl? And she sends Melanie out, and then her mom and me go through this whole thing. And she's like, I have to strip you of your – I know that. I think I can predict this ending. I have sex with her mom. And then she's like, you have to have sex with me

or I'm not ever going to let you see Melanie. And I was like, oh, fuck, okay. And then. You make good points. And then at the end, she was like, no, leave anyways. So I leave, and then I'm like hitchhiking, and then this guy picks me up, and he's like, where do you want to go? And I was like, to the city, honestly, anywhere but here.

But he's like, I have to start at my house. I live two doors down, and it's still in the goddamn trailer park go and i was like to the city honestly anywhere but here but he's like i have to start with my house i live two doors down and it's still in the goddamn trailer park and i was like oh fucking fine and then i go into his house and i see a picture and it's melanie so that's his her dad and i was like please you have to like go save your daughter like she's in a really bad place with her mom and then then he's like, well, only if you have sex with me. Jesus. I was going to say, I was going to say, I'm happy to hear

there's no incest in this, but it's kind of like right on the border of incest. So you're still... I have sex with the mom and the dad never with the daughter. And you never fuck Melody?

No. Well, part two. You got to have trailer part two. Well, that was part one, two, and three right there. Four it is. I mean, you got to

give the audience leave it on a cliffhanger if you never fucks Melody. The incest is real, but that's because so many people love watching it. It's not our fault. No, no, it's not.

No, you blame us and we blame you. Go look right now at the most viewed porn video. I know, but that's because you keep putting them out. If you guys stop making,

I swear to God, people watch porn before the incest revolution, we'll keep watching after. Just stop doing it. Maybe I promise. Say no. I can't. Say no.

Next time the director says you have to fuck the brother, just say no, he's not my brother anymore. I can't. I can't. Gotta make that money. We're really gonna start making alien porn though with all the Area 51 shit going on. But like normal alien porn.

Not like tentacles and shit? Not like Japanese anime come to life? Fuck, I don't know. But I feel like it's gonna happen. You should fuck like this is the scientist who knows the aliens. Yeah, something like that. Something Area 51 related.

Have you ever done porn where it's supposed to be not a human? No. Everyone's not a human No Okay good Everyone's been a human Yeah You know Dude I think I think Asa Has like one where

It's like She's like He's like literally done up Like a Like a walking dead zombie Yeah And it's like What the fuck

Zombies are human though We've had this debate before Zombies are human They're just dead He said he wouldn't. Let's say a zombie is super hot. Whatever that means in your mind, would you fuck it? He said no. What a prude.

I think a zombie could be hot. Bella, you're nuts. What are you talking about? I think they could. Like if a skin was falling off and shit. Yes, absolutely not, Bella. I'm sorry. You're beautiful. Not only are you a prude, but you're being rude to our guest. it was like if her skin was falling off and shit? Yes, absolutely not, Abel. I'm sorry. You're beautiful. If your skin was falling off,

I'm not going to approve of that. You're being rude to our guest. I don't take it personally, you know, to each their own. I've never seen a hot zombie. If you're alive, sure, we can have a roll in the hay. If you are a dead person, I'm out. What if she's dressed up like a dead person?

No, well, no. I mean, now we're talking about Halloween. I was going to say, would you fuck a zombie on Halloween? Halloween is different than like an actual zombie. I've really never seen a hot zombie, but, you know, never say never. I might see one one day. I've going to say, would you fuck a zombie on Halloween? Halloween is different than like an actual zombie. I've really never seen a hot zombie, but you know,

never say never. I might see one one day and then... They're not real, Bella. I've never seen any of them. What do you... Wrap it up? Okay.

All right. I can talk to you forever. We got to go to ATI anyway, though. So the Brad's Pop-Up Shop is going on this weekend? Yeah, it's happening this weekend. Whatever is going down, it's happening. You should go.

Great fun. Got to be there. Great fun. Do you know where it is? It's in Manhattan. It's in New York. I don't know. The link is in my bio on Instagram.

I don't know. I was told they're making it look like a 90s video store. Yeah, it's like 1994. It's going to be like a vintage VHS store. Oh, we got to get a little bit about it. I know something. I'm not completely clueless, so that, you know. There you go.

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