KFC Radio - Apple Picking, PowerPoint Sex Lists, and David Wright's Last Stand

Episode Date: October 2, 2018

KFC had a miserable time at the Mets game, determining which athletes you grew up with, and sex doll brothels. Voicemails include: calling her the wrong name, would you rather look at your own face while masturbating or while pooping, would you rather know all the bad things people think of you or all the good things, and powerpoint presentations of everyone she had sex with, and dating without apps.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Today's episode of KFC Radio is brought to you by a shit ton of boots that we're selling! Thursday Boots and KFC Radio has collaborated to create the Barstool boot, and they are flying off the shelves. We designed this boot, I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know if the price point was going to be too high for stoolies. I didn't know if people were going to rock with boots in general. We've always talked about sneakers and whatnot.

People love the boots. People love the boots. I knew they were going to be successful. I did not expect it to be that successful. Sold out. Gone. Just very quickly. i thought we were going to be selling these like throughout the fall yeah like here and there like grab a pair of boots like

grab it for christmas grab it for thanksgiving grab it for apple picking 12 hours they're gone by the way speaking of apple picking this guy went my mom went this weekend don't can't climb ladders anymore what is that liability yeah there weren't ladders i hadn What is that, liability? Yeah. There weren't ladders. I hadn't been in a long time. Did you get one of those, almost like a lacrosse stick looking thing? Yeah. Oh, my God. That was the fun part.

You climb a tree? Yeah. I haven't been out picking it for everybody. As a kid, I kind of liked it. I got an apple cider donut, went and picked up a, climbed a tree or two, had a hell of a time. Not anymore. Now you get to whack branches with a stick.

Real fun, guys. And you paid them money to do it. We didn't even leave with any apples. The line was too long at the end. We spent all day there with two kids, and then we had to wait online to pay for the apples. We just left a box of apples. We just put it down.

We'll just get it at the store. And I appreciate that. I appreciate that. At least she came to her senses there. Yeah, we didn't do it. There was no reason to do any of it. Right. We could have just bought apples at a store. And I appreciate that. I appreciate that. At least she came to her senses there. Yeah, we didn't do it. There was no reason to do it. There was no reason to do any of it. Right. Could have just bought apples at a store. But I was like, alright, at least

this is fine. We'll skip this out of it. Well, did you wear your boots when you were rocking them? Because right now for the fall, the barstool boot is what you should wear everywhere you go. Work, play, the bar, the game, tailgate. I'm not lying. I mean, I was stopped by a stoolie, but I was stopped in the street so someone could check them out. And they were like, dude, the bar, outpicking, the game, tailgate. I'm not lying. I mean, I was stopped by a stoolie. But I was stopped in the street so someone could check them out.

And they're like, dude, those are sick. Right? Yeah, I know. Yeah, man. And I've had them for like a year now. So mine are a little worn in. When you get them broken in, they look even kind of more rugged. They get a little more dark.

It's like a new boot as you put some wear and tear into them. So they are restocked. Hopefully. I was going to say, by the time you're listening to this, they might be gone again. But we will keep asking them to restock as long as people keep buying them, and we'll probably get some more in the works here now that we know the Thursday Boots collab is a hit.

So right now, if you can, go to Thursdayboots.com, check out the Barstool boot. They're $199. They have other options for $1.49. And I didn't appreciate this. The promo code, freeship2day with a number 2. We put them on sale. They sold out.

And someone tweeted me a picture of them. Got my boot today. I was like, holy shit, that was fast. Really? Yeah. It's two days, and you got it. So we put them on sale. And it's guaranteed within two days.

But that dude had them like Friday. Basically got it in a day. Holy crap. I didn't know that. He didn't add me, bro. No, I think you're on it. Oh, okay. I missed it.

That's what's crazy that you don't do Amazon because getting stuff quickly is the best thing in the world. It's like you just think of something like, I need this and it's there. But I don't ever think of things I need. I'm not good at it. It took me three weeks to buy a deal. I was going to say the deodorant story. Three weeks to buy a deodorant.

I bought two sticks this time, so I'll be good for another year. But I don't have soap right now. I'm using shampoo in the shower. I guess I could get out at Amazon and do it. But I don't trust computers. I don't have a doorman, so I don't like just leaving it outside. Right. And granted, everyone does it, and boxes are all there,

and no one ever complains about getting stolen. But I still just don't trust people. You know what? I'm the opposite. I don't trust the machines. Like when I have to, if I make a deposit at the bank, I like to go to the teller because I feel like if I just put the money into the machine and it disappears and then it doesn't register,

it's like, well, that's it. That's been a fear of mine. That was a fear of mine when it first came out. And then you just kind of succumb to it. Yeah. that's it that that's been a fear of mine that was a fear of mine when it first came out and then gotten over it you just kind of succumbed to it yeah but yeah that was definitely a fear of mine for please please count it right it was you know what it ended up being i lived on martin's vineyard one summer and they didn't have a bank of america and i got paid in cash so i had to do it that way but uh that way and then i kind of just got over all the apps let you cash the check yeah just by taking a picture i can't i don't i don't trust that either.

You know what I do try to do is I'll cash it like that, and then I try to go cash in the machine and double dip. Thursdayboots.com, promo code FREESHIP today. Get the fire, Boots. My mom bought two pairs today. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, everybody wants to get them.

Also, I've promised so many friends I'd get them a free pair. Guys, that's not happening. I told Francis I'd get him some. I don't even know if that's going to happen. He works here. Yeah, I had Connor. I told Collins I'd get him a free pair. Guys, that's not happening. I told Francis I'd get him some. I don't even know if that's going to happen. He works here. Yeah, I had Connor. I told Collins I'd get him a pair. I'm probably not going to get him. I don't have any boots yet.

You're probably not going to get him either. I say it genuinely meaning it, but then we're still so kind of, like, trained to be scared to ask for things here. Right. So I'm scared to ask. Maybe if we ask. I don't know. It's a secondary company.

We just made them $100,000. Maybe if we ask. I don't know. It's a secondary company. We just made them $100,000. I think we can get a pair for free. But we're still like, please, sir. Please may I have a pair? But also there are other things where we ask for free and they're like, absolutely not. No, yeah. Are you crazy? What the fuck is going on here? It's a $30 t-shirt

and it came for free. We got a lot to get into. Voicemails, of course. But this weekend I was out. I think I was out for the first time in a non-work event in like two years. I mean, it was all stunning. I was home on the couch. I actually had Matt, who is our sales guy.

The only sales guy who's really not scared to talk to us, which doesn't make sense. We're very nice people. I know. sales guy the only sales guy he's really not scared to talk to us um which doesn't make sense we're very nice people i know but the uh he came over friday night and uh he he actually didn't come over he left the bag and he's coming to pick it up from lou and um stayed and did some drugs you guys he just no i'm in backpack lou was out he he called me to see if i was home and he got i'm in backpack he came upstairs and he said, I never believed you when you always said

that you just kind of hang out on the weekends and don't do anything. So you're really just literally what we do. You're sitting here all night? Yeah. Yeah, it's great.

Do you mind if I watch the second half of Florida, Mississippi State? That's fine. Sit down, man. I don't mind company. I just don't want to go anywhere. But anyway,

the reason I brought that up is I was following your evening. So I guess it was Saturday night. Obviously, we're watching Florida, Mississippi State. I guess it was Saturday night. So I was just sitting there following you. And it was surprising. It's like seeing a teacher. Yeah, I get that a lot.

Seeing a teacher at the market. Or I saw my principal, Mr. Kelly, at the beach once. And he had a Speedo on. It was very weird. And so it was weird to see you that was bizarre i mean i've gotten that when we when i do go to like a barstool happy hour every now and then uh daniella like one of the assistants here was like looking at me like i'm a fucking zoo exhibit what is what is going on here this is so weird and i forget i forget that

like because in my mind everybody who follows barstool has been following it from the beginning like that's how I perceive it. So today I put out a storyboard and people are like, wow, I didn't know you could do this. And I'm like, yeah, I started this like four years ago. But people haven't heard it. Or even when I started blogging again, people were like, oh, I didn't know you write. And so I still think that everybody who knows me knows that for the first five years of Barstool, all my stories were like, I blacked out the other night and did this and that and the thing nobody knows me as a social butterfly so yeah i was out and about it was very strange uh and i guess it was kind of for work because we went shout out c geek

but it was the david wright retirement game had to had to go to that put that shit on the calendar like 10 days in advance i was like i'm going out not watching the kids i'm going out and boy do i wish i didn't go out thank you seat geek the seats were incredible i think we were like in like the family and friends section because we sat exactly where steven matz's grandpa was when he was hot in the streets a couple years ago so it was awesome seats beautiful night like perfect for baseball wasn't even like you know when it's like oh it's gonna be a nice night and then you get there it's a little bit windy and chilly like wasn't even that was perfect it was the most boring excruciating fan experience i've ever had in my life was that bad it was that bad i mean it was a zero zero 13 inning game against the marlins i didn't realize it was zero zero i knew what

extra innings zero goose eggs bro Nobody scored for 13 innings. And it was David Wright's retirement. And now, I mean, David Wright is a corpse. I love him, but to say he's like a shell of his former self is a gross understatement. Spinal stenosis fucked that guy over in the worst possible way. The Mets fucked him over in the worst possible way. So it's not like he was going to... Still got that vitamin water money, though.

He still got 185 mil from playing, like another 100 from vitamin water, and his wife is a smoke! Did she say the whole game? She's a real writer, she was there. She was rocking that baby behind home plate, like, get me the fuck out of here!

So it's not like he was going to step in and, you know, fuckingcguire this shit and blast balls to the moon i was hoping i was like just don't embarrass yourself first at bat first of all it was the first inning uh they bunted a man over to third to get him in in like an rbi situation like in the first inning like let's get this shit done let's get this guy an rbi for the season so his first at bat he like milks a walk which was like good baseball like he worked the count the pitch was high good eye he walks like david nobody wanted to see that like tomahawk that shit if you have to swing the bat

but whatever fine second at bat he pops up into foul territory behind first base. That is the most anticlimactic thing I can think of in baseball. And that was his last at-bat, right? Yes. They did two at-bats. They took him out from the field to do the ovation. And then he went and did TV and radio. Which is fine, but also, there was a game Sunday. You could have done that the next day.

Especially after your your last at bat was so shitty it'd be like all right give me one more yeah you know uh they stuck to their plan probably because david wright was like if i like swing again my my spine's gonna explode he probably had two wet bats in him and that was it but i mean a pop-up behind first base in foul territory and the fans were so mad at peter o'brien for catching that ball i love the name you're right so perfect i gotta get pissed off they were i mean you got you got to just like let that bounce off the heel of your glove or just muff it and then like everyone knows what's going on you can even like flash a smile and you give this guy another shot

and then you groove one over the plate like 82 miles an hour come on this is how it fucking goes the cal ripken all-star seriously the derrick jeter all-star game too it's like come on and uh actually i'll say this vets fans we did a horrendous job sending david right yes you absolutely did it was the most uninspiring like we were clapping it up like it was a regular game. His curtain call was like a fake curtain call. It wasn't like a one more time, like bring him back out. He was just like, oh, now I have to go back up and wave the cap. I was watching the – I wasn't watching live, but I saw it tweeted out from SNY or whoever as I was on my couch. And I was stunned.

It was not a necessary curtain call. I was watching it. It was actually one of the more nerve-wracking movies I've watched in a while because I could see the bottom bar as time was going. And I saw it. I knew it was going to end. There are 20 seconds left and the crowd has pretty much stopped cheering. You got to get him out for one more time.

Right. And they have to pick it up. Get going. Start yelling again. And they never did. And he came out anyway, but it was not a necessary curtain call. Here's the thing. That's Mets fans.

Like, the rest of the night, you want to talk about, like, passionate fans. We booed the fuck out of Peter O'Brien. Like, the most deafening boos I've ever heard. Every at-bat, every pitch, he would boo. And then, like, a pitch would go by, and we would, like, stop. And then, as the pitcher was, like, ready to deliver deliver we would start the boos again all every like four at bats in a row it sounded like chase utterly and chase utterly broke a guy's leg and we were like our rival for like years on end this guy i didn't even know his name to start the night and so that just

shows we hate hard we don't love hard we don't we don't have nice things we don't know what it's like to love somebody yeah but we also showed a lot of love to Jose Reyes. Yeah, that was crazy. On David Wright's night. It was like Jose Reyes night. It was unbelievable. David Wright requested to have him play Start It Short to like, you know, whatever, good old days. Fine. David Wright gets what he wants.

But we were cheering and doing the Jose, Jose, Jose chant like way louder and way more than anything for David Wright. That's sad. It was so sad. And what's crazy is the hashtag was, one of the hashtags was thank you, David. So it was very clearly a thank you, David. And we just didn't do that until he was gone.

I get that. I'm not a chant starter. But I was sitting there. I was like, this should be the moment where the whole stadium is going, thank you, David. I was like, but I'm not going to. I'll join in. I'm not gonna i'm not gonna do it i'm like i'll join in i'm not gonna start it and then we did it after the curtain call and he was gone and it was like a smattering it was like kind of like off you know when one stadium's a little behind the other side of the stadium it's just just terrible the i kind of get that though the fact that it was very clearly supposed to be a thing so i think that's

just human nature where that that's why i've never tried to start hashtags, because I think that immediately turns people off to the idea. I think people want to say, fuck authority, fuck you telling me what to do. Whether or not it's a conscious decision, I think immediately people see that and are like, fuck it, I'm not doing that. Don't tell me what to do. I always revert to that decision for the boys.

That was not a hashtag. That was just a story that people like. And you turned it into a hashtag. Right, and yeah, eventually became one, but it didn't start as one and i think thank you david is the same thing like maybe all week you could put out videos be like thank you david thank you david thank you david like iconic pictures of him the iconic moments highlights thank you david thank you david thank you david and eventually people would get it but if you start it right away with that hashtag and you try to make it a thing. I do the same thing. Boston sports are pretty good with it.

They don't really do it where it's like, let's get loud. As soon as I see that on a Jumbotron, I sit down. Fuck you, man. If it's not organic, I don't want to be a part of it. People were standing up for Jose Reyes at bats too.

Sitting down. It was so weird. The whole thing sucked. But I mean, that makes perfect sense. It was like, this is, of course this is how he went out. Anticlimactic, disappointing. We didn't support him.

That's David Wright's career, right there in a nutshell. So it was actually a very fitting night. But it really, truly was the worst. The worst part was he was giving a speech after the game. So people wanted to stay for the speech. And I'm sitting there with Clem, and Clem's buddy drove us, and he had, like, a good parking pass,

like, and the players, lots of it was, like, in and out. I was very happy to have this ride. But it was fireworks night, and David Wright had a speech, and this guy had his kids with him, and he wanted to stay. And I was like, I want to get the fuck out of here. And I was waiting and waiting and waiting, and finally Clem's buddy was like, all right, want to get the fuck out of here and i was waiting and waiting and waiting finally uh clem's buddy was like all right let's get the hell out of here and thank

god we did we left like the top of the 13th and then it ended in 13th and uh the speech was the worst speech of all time was it he was just like thank you fans you've always had my back i wanted to be like pun intended and he was just like you know that's love like you guys love me and i love you back and thank you it's like people wait around four and a half hours for that bro i was waiting for today today today i consider myself myself nothing so the whole thing was just flat so let us know what you were mark maron has a uh i think in his new stand-up has a bit not really a bit because he's gonna be doing bits but a story about that how he's a big rolling stones guy and he recently went to a stones concert with his buddy and he said that

he had a fun at the concert it was cool to see mick up there even though he thought mick might pass out and die at some point as he's running around his leotard. But he said the most exciting part of the night was him pulling out of the parking lot as the rest of the people pulled in. Or walked in. He's like, I got out just in time. I didn't stay for satisfaction or whatever as an encore, but I listened

to that in the car as I drove by everyone getting the fuck out of there. Let us know what your least or your worst fan experience ever was. I mean, I was hyped for this game. I don't know why. It's baseball. Aside from fucking goddamn Derek Jeter, you're not going to hit a home run in your final game. You're not going to have a walk

off. You're going to pop up and walk and that's it. But I don't know. Poppy's last game, I don't it was uneventful i don't really remember anything specific i know he didn't hit a home run um but and he gave a little speech afterwards but it's almost weird with poppy because it was he had such an iconic speech already right so it's kind of pencil that one in your brain that's that one's always going to be the first yeah right this is our fucking no matter what he said yeah it's always going to be the big

one and it was cool they had a little banner out and they meet i want my dad and my brother That one's always going to be the first one. No matter what he says. It's always going to be the big one. And it was cool. They had a little banner out. And they meet, I want my dad and my brother. But I think things like that where you're saying goodbye to your athlete is like you have high hopes. It's like sex for the first time where it's like you have these high hopes and this is going to be great. And it's just like kind of pathetic and sad. And granted, Poppy wasn't there. Poppy wasn't wasn't you know he had a hell of a year slash right right someone was coming up kind of as a mascot

but even that was just like it was very underwhelming right anytime you have expectations it's gonna end up pretty under pretty much keep the bar as low as possible i got home at like midnight crawled up the bed i was like i never leaving again. But there was a funny moment outside the stadium with a fan on the news, which poses an interesting question. I guess he's Pin Man. Pin Man. And Matt's Pin Man. He's a fucking loser. You know who he is? Yeah, I mean, I've heard of him. He's a wannabe superfan. There's the Detroit Dons and even the Fireman Eds of the world who people know Pin Man is a wannabe super fan. There's the Detroit Dons and even the Firemen Eds of the world who people know Pin Man is a wannabe.

But he posed an interesting question on the news. We're going to dive into it. It's brought to you by Dunkin Donuts. I saw you slandering breakfast for dinner the other day. Big time. Between the jeans thing and that, I don't like you.

In high school, they used to do it where they'd have The beans thing and that, like, I don't like you. In high school, they used to do it where they'd have, you know, probably once a month. It'd be breakfast or dinner night. People would get excited. I don't want a goddamn pancake right now. I want steak, bitch. And even when I was a kid, my mom would be like,

today I'll get you eggs for dinner. Well, here's the thing. Lady, you're being lazy. Just make me chicken. I don't mind you slandering the idea of, like, celebrating it like it's the thing like i'm a lady you're being lazy just make me chicken i don't i don't i don't mind you slandering the idea of like celebrating it like it's a thing the way duncan does it is the way we all should do it you eat whatever you want at any hour great they just have i just like i love breakfast foods but i don't i'm not hungry in the morning i want i do want my chicken in the morning i want like i want to eat breakfast when I want to eat food. I'm not going to force it at 7 a.m. I'm going to eat it

all day long. So Duncan has two bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches for $5 all day long. Two bacon, egg, and cheese for $5 at any hour you want. That is how you make money. That is how you sell food. That is how you keep America running.

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Pin Man was talking about David Wright, and he was like yeah, you know, know the captain I grew up watching him he said it would be the worst thing he'd rather be dead than not there and he kind of gives a no seriously seriously well guess what Pin Man you might be dead soon because you're old as shit

and he said he grew up with him to say that he grew up with him I'm going to try to look Pin Man is Nick Giampietro Giampietro. Giampietro. This guy has got to be, I don't know, 50? Oh, 50, easy.

55, probably. Yeah. Looks 60. I'm taking five years off from Mets fandom. Yeah, oh, yeah. That's a great point. This guy might be 27. Maybe he did grow up on David Wright. So he says, I grew up on David Wright.

I mean, David Wright, he started in 2004. So he's been around for like 14 years. David Wright's 35 years old. Right. So I would say to grow up on David Wright, I don't even know if I grew up. I didn't grow up on David Wright. Growing up means like your childhood athletes. Well, I think...

Pinman was probably like 45 to 50 in David Wright's career. You didn't grow up on shit, Pinman. You grew up... Pinman grew up with Daryl Strawberry. Pinman grew up like the Mets weren't even in existence yet. It was the 50s, bro.

Yeah, you grew up on the 86 Mets, pal. You didn't grow up on david right but it it it begs the question we talked about these kind of things before uh like jim murray figured out that that age i think it was like 27 where you stopped caring and 26 and we've always learned that like your music when you listen to in eighth grade is like what's going to stick with you the most so there are these ages that we've talked about in kc radio before where it like defines your fandom or your preferences or whatever your memories what is your i grew up on period of time i think it's we kind of talked

about beforehand and what was the the formula you thought well, I think to say you grew up on means you were a child when you were watching them. And I think that the unofficial, you know, 18 is when you're an adult. But to me, I think you stop being a child when you fuck. If you've had sex before, you're not a kid. I was after 18. Right. So you have a little, yeah, you were a baby. You were a little boy for a long time. I think when you once you're like i'm sticking my dick inside someone

else which also probably coincides with some drinking and some partying i don't think you're a kid anymore i think you're like i grew up on basically stops once you've had sex i think it's a little different i think it's because i i did put this is one of those tweets I I want. I looked at for a long time before sending because I didn't know if it was going to be received poorly. Like, no, you grew up on blah, blah, blah. So I thought about it a lot before I even hit send. By the way, first of all, shout out to just the fact the only reason I saw this is because as soon as you turn your TV on, it's always New York one. Yeah, I've cursed that every single time I turn my TV on.

And except this one this time, I finally got why aren't time I turn my TV on except this one time. Why aren't you just on the TV, the channel I always watch? But the I thought about it for a while and I think it's very sport dependent and team success dependent and whether or not you loved that sport. I think there are a lot of factors at play. I don't think it's just

a number. I wouldn't describe myself as growing up with David Ortiz, but I would describe myself as growing up with Tom Brady, and they came in right around the same time. I think because I loved baseball before David Ortiz. So I grew up with

Mo Vaughn and Nomar. So you weren't watching football the same way you were watching baseball for your childhood childhood. Correct. That makes sense. And then I followed the Patriots. I loved Curtis Martin. I loved Drew Bledsoe. But I didn't have that fucking fire.

So it's more your first true love with that team. So if you started late in life watching one of these other sports, those guys are going to be who you quote unquote grew up with. But eventually that just stops. If you pick up a team when you're 30, you can't say I grew up with them. But if you're still like pre-teen or adolescence or whatever, whereas baseball

you were watching since you were like six, you can still say you grew up with. My sports have always been primarily hockey and baseball. So I grew up with Nomar, Movan, even Clemens to an extent just because my dad hated him so i would just remember clemens being like part of your yeah and i guess i'd put pedro in there too because he was before poppy um and then hockey is um it was like joe thornton sergey samson off and pj stock um who was just a fighter he just went to the fighter um he was the fucking man he is, um, it was like Joe Thornton, Sergey Samsonov, and PJ Stock, um, who was just a fighter.

PJ Stock was just a fighter. Um, he was the fucking man. What about Ray Bork? Bork was a little young for me. Shout out to Lark. I remember, I,

I mean, Bork was my dad's favorite player. My dad talked about him. He still talks about him like he's a god. Awful short game. Uh, terrible short game. But,

uh, he was, what year was it? He was 96, maybe? He was traded to the Avalanche. Right. And you were born in 95? Yeah.

Motherfucker. I was like eight when he was traded, but it was like, the Thorntons, they were a little after him. So that's kind of where I'm there. And then basketball, I'm Paul Pierce. Yeah. And football, I'm Brady. See, now for me, it's just like the the real problem part of the formula too is this

is if you even had anybody to really qualify growing up with like for the mets jeff kent like bernard gilkey butch husky like those are the guys i grew up with your jets your Jets guys? Jack Pennington? Yeah probably I guess you kind of got Curtis Martin Yeah I got a little bit of Curtis Martin The first time I was really into the Jets When they were good enough to really care

Was that 99 season I think it is When they were wild card Piazza, Ventura, Oroon But I don't think I grew up on that That was actually when I was like, okay, I have a team finally to root for. Right. You know, so to me that was like You were like 14, 15, no?

Yeah, but I think it used to be younger. But by that point I was like a decade in. Right. Because I was watching like with mom like right away. So I remember like fucking firecrackers and bleach in people's faces. Yeah. Brent Saberhagen like like trying to blind reporters, you know?

So like by the time I was getting to like, even, you know, the infamous Bonilla, it was like, I was like a veteran of watching the jets. I picked up on my own. Cause we weren't like a football family.

So it was probably like the test of Ernie type of years and Chad Pennington. And then even like the, the first time I truly like dug into it was really more like with Barstool and like the Rex Ryan era. So football, I don't have that same childhood type memories, but, and basketball,

it would be like the, I guess the best, you know, like the, the, the Ewing Knicks, like, I mean,

they didn't win anything, but they were always there. It was contending. John Starks, right? Yeah. Starks. I feel like then I would consider like the late era ewing nicks the larry johnson

spreewell nicks as like the same thing as the piazza met so i was like all right we're like we're making a run again but that early 90s nicks where you're like losing to uh the jordan bulls was like what i grew up on that's the problem All of our team sucks so we don't really keep guys around a long time. Like you had 15 years of Poppy and 15 years of Brady. That's nice. We got to revolve the door to these assholes. These guys just keep playing and keep winning.

It sucks. So two things. Let us know your worst experiences as a fan. Let us know who you grew up on and what you qualify as growing up on. Before we get to voicemails. Uh, we got to talk about the latest development in the world of prostitution,

a regular topic brought to you by Robin hood. Yes. And you want to, you want to save some money. You want to make some money to spend it on certain things. I'm not telling you what to spend it on. Actually, what we're going to talk about is something that's completely legal to replace that, telling you what to spend it on. Actually, what we're going to talk about is something that's

completely legal to replace that, which you could spend some cash on when you go ahead and you make it on Robinhood. Robinhood's an investing app

that lets you buy and sell stocks, ETFs, options, cryptos. Shout out to Uncle Lou. My Bitcoin, I mean,

I have like $0 in Bitcoin. It's like, I bought it at like the peak of everything. I have never, I never even look at the balance anymore because i just keep being told that it's going to go to like 500 million dollars one day and until then is he out on that is he just like no yesterday morning him and bitcoin marty were over at the house we i ended up i ended up going to watch first of all real quick so weird yesterday the jets were on fox yeah that was very strange

they i left left my house. I thought for sure they were having an NFC opponent. I saw the Jags up there. I was like, wait a minute, the Jags and the NFC. I put myself in a pretzel. Yeah, I didn't know what that was. I was out at a bar because I figured there's no shot the Pats are on. And I asked if the first bar I went to didn't have the package.

They were like, no, the Patriots are on. No, they're on CBS. I said, excuse me, ma'am, you're wrong. It's the Jets and Jaguars. They're obviously on CBS. She said, no,, ma'am, you're wrong. It's the Jets and Jaguars. They're obviously on CBS. She said, no, no, no. I said, look, it's the pregame for the pass. That's the pregame, but it'll be blah, blah, blah.

I was wrong. Technically, the Pats were on CBS halfway. Halfway. Half the Pats. I just turned it off in the third. I missed that Patriots team. Ten minutes left in the third quarter. They said, this game's not competitive anymore.

Crazy. Baby, I miss you. How about that one dude, the Dolphins fan, who was like, that was a good win. How about next week we go to New England and we don't lose 38-7? 38-7. Spectacular. Anyway, back to Robinhood. You want to go get down with Bitcoin, Marty and Lou?

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Yeah, let's do that. You can buy me. I will become an actual prostitute. How much is the share? I don't know. We have to figure that out. I don't want to underprice myself. I can't imagine it's too expensive. the share? I don't know. We have to figure that out. I don't want to underprice myself. I can't imagine it's too expensive. Probably not. I don't know, like $11. Go to barstool.robinhood.com and get your investment on. I love how Bitcoin Marty and Lou have romanticized just saving money.

That's what buying Bitcoin is. Buy it. Leave it for 10 years. It'll be great for you. That's what buying Bitcoin is. Buy it, leave it for 10 years, it'll be great for you. That's like buying a savings bond. That's like advice you get from your grandmother and it's like, super cool, buy some Bitcoin. I also bought it to

height, if you can't tell. Thanks, Marty. So, legal prostitutes are very upset that sex doll brothels are putting them out of business. So we're going out to Sherry's Ranch out in Nevada. Shout out to the Bunny Ranch.

We all know that from our HBO days. And they are very upset that Kinky S. Dolls, it's a sex doll rental business, has been opened in Canada for over a year, and it's planning on expanding into the U S and they're saying offer offering sex dolls as a substitute for women, uh, for human sex workers is not only an insult to sex workers, but it's also an insult to the millions of clients that seek genuine sexual and emotional connections with professional women like me every day. I totally agree with her yeah yes i think that uh i mean i can see the point what that it's you know i mean listen having sex with a human is

better than having sex with a rubber doll true no doubt and i can understand the idea that you get the emotional connection you get a little bit of a snuggle before and after you get a little conversation because most of the time if you're're buying hookers, you're lonely. But I also think there's guys out there who are just looking to dump it out and get the poison out. And if I can fuck a rubber doll and not worry about anything else, there's probably going to be a lot of guys who are okay with that. That doesn't do it for me.

When I have that. You're a romantic. Exactly. Why do I want to romance my horse? I very much need human connection. I have that. John, you're a romantic. Well, exactly. Why do I want to romance my horse? I very much need human connection. I have no interest. Aside from really scientific curiosity, I have no interest in having sex with, like, a doll or a. Would you fuck a flashlight?

Like a flashlight. I'm interested in trying it. I guess I'm just really basic curiosity. We have to just do this. It's not something that I'm... We've been talking about this for years. We have to just fuck something rubber. See how it goes.

It's not something that I... I can't see myself doing it more than once. Maybe it'll blow my fucking mind. It'll be crazy. But I can't see. It would scare me. Because if I had my own place, I'd probably just keep a doll in the closet and just bang her every now and then.

You know, just be like, you think I don't go out now? Let me find out that fucking a doll is really fun. I'll never go out. It can't be fun. I don't know, man. Everyone has. I mean, do you like jerking off? It's probably just that, but better. No, it's weird.

I mean, I agree with you. It does sound weird. I'm just saying. You've had sex with a dead fish before., it's weird. I mean, I know it's... I agree with you. It does sound weird. I'm just saying... You've had sex with a dead fish before and that's terrible. Yeah, but it's like... This is a legitimate dead fish. Yeah, but you know it's dead going in and you just kind of make the... I don't know. I'm just saying it's almost like, you know, I'm not gonna do

heroin because I'm like afraid I'm gonna like it too much. Not, you know, I'm like never gonna... Like you with the gun. You're like, I might enjoy this too much. I don't know. What happens if you really like banging a doll but what but i i guess you could i guess i again i'm speaking from total ignorance so i don't know for sure you're in on but how about all the whores you banged i've never had sex with a whore i've called whores invited them over to watch sopranos never had sex with them big see that's the human connection you can't watch sopranos with a hooker yeah with a doll exactly and that's the human connection. You can't watch Sopranos with a hooker. Yeah. With a doll.

Exactly. And it's just, I mean, everything in life is, why make it more difficult? Right? We live in this age of technology where- Well, this is something making it simpler. But no, it's not simpler than masturbating. Oh, right, right, right. Why am I going to break a fucking sweat when I don't have to? Well, yeah, I'm thinking that these are people who they have decided that jerking off

just doesn't do it for them. I think I'm going to have to fuck the hell out of this doll to come too. I'm going to have to really put it down on this doll because it's just going to be I'm going to be gassed

and I'm going to apologize into it because I dripped sweat on its face and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm like, I'm being polite

and saying, look, I'll sleep on the wet spot because don't worry, just slide over. Yeah, listen, that's and saying, look, I'll sleep on the wet spot. Don't worry. Just slide over. That's the most gentlemanly thing I do.

Sleep in the sweat spot. Who said chivalry? I got this. You can have the clean part of the bed. And she's looking at you with the heart eye emoji. Oh, he really does like me. Yeah, I would imagine when it's really just fucking a rubber thing that it's tough. It's like, hey, that's another problem, John, is that a doll can't figure in the ass when it's taking too long.

Dude, the fucking worst part of this, too, is there's one thing to own a sex doll. It's not a thing to have a whore sex doll, right? are rented things yeah you're fucking blowing up some of it yeah like when you're having sex with a woman you understand that she's having sex with other people and it's fine you understand like you get it this is just such a new foreign idea that i i i okay one time i got my parents bought cutco knives because my my cousin sold cutco's okay when he was probably in college or something like that. There we go. Everyone knows that one of the selling points of a Cutco was that wood, wooden knives, they have a plastic handle. Wooden knives retain bacteria much differently than plastic does.

I don't know what the inside of these things are made out of to make them feel like a pussy. Hopefully not wood. Right? And like, I don't know exactly what kind of texture material it is yeah so it it might hold on to bacteria better than human skin i don't know you'd have to imagine listen if you're having sex with the hooker they make you put a condom on you have sex with a rubber doll you're probably wrong guys you're fucking going out there no problem it's like sharing shoes like i feel weird putting my shoes in my foot in someone else's shoe except it's your dick that's probably not great but either way i still despite all this watch out sex workers because

this is just how the world evolves toll booth workers easy pass put you out of business it just happens bank tellers atms came along hookers you're fucked yeah but i'm gonna sex dolls i'm gonna become a sex doll advocate i I mean, a sex worker advocate. Yeah, where it's, you know, like adopt, don't shop with dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck a whore, not a doll. Fuck a whore, not a doll. Fuck a whore, not a doll.

You're thinking of the slogan right now. I'm watching the genius at work. Whores, not stores. That's why the kid is fucking, well, not rich or famous, but should be. That's why the kid should be rich or famous or famous but should be that's why the kid should be rich or famous buy whores buy whores not in stores there you go the i think that you know they deserve it i think it's a totally different experience i think you should buy buy get a female accompaniment john john pettelberg big hooker guy

voicemail never fucked one, but I love them. That's a great slogan. The kid's great with it. Voicemail time. It's weird when probably the most aggressive part of the show is not the voicemails. Or maybe it will be. Let's find out. Voicemails are brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. More buckets for John that go in? Buckets Feidelberg over here.

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You're going to smell fresh for her. That's another thing. A doll can't be like, oh, you look great tonight. Can't make you feel good about yourself. Can't give you a compliment because they can't talk because they're not human. Or you can get the Big Cloud Good Shake Hand Cream. You can do the Boogie's Pomade for your hair. They got it all, man. So right now, you can get the Dollar Shave Club Executive Razor and the Shave Butter and the Amber Lavender Body Cleanser when you start with the Daily Essential Starters Kit. It's five bucks. You get the entire starter set. And then after that, products ship at a regular price monthly, every other month, whatever you want. Go to dollarshaveclub.com slash KFC to start with the daily essential starter kit set.

Voicemail, let's go. What's up, KFC? Bites. Producer BC. First time, long time. Quick hypothetical for you. Would you rather be able to know all the good things that people think about you? No. Or only be able to know all the good things that people think about you? No.

Or only be able to know all the bad things that people think about you? Neither. So on one hand, you could tell whether or not someone really likes you and for fights that might help them find love. On the other hand, you could tell who's been fake to your face and, you know, truly despises you. Neither. I don't want to know what people think. Next question. I don't think that it's good.

I don't think either of those. I mean, Grant, he's not pushing it as a punishment, really. It's kind of just a hypothetical, but it's a punishment. It feels like a punishment. Either of those are punishment. That's not a good way to go through life is knowing good things or bad things about you solely. Right. Because it's, you either get this air of confidence that you don't deserve.

That's kind of the kids who are raised with your precious little angel. Snowflakes. I don't even mean snowflakes. I roll my eyes at terms like that. The, I mean like. Spoiled breath. Just like you, long before snowflakes were invented, you knew that person. Yeah. And it's not necessarily

A snowflake It's just like a person It's just fucking Just someone who Just thinks they deserve great things And you don't No you don't You don't deserve great things

Just cause There's you Everything needs a proper balance Moderation is key You need to have people telling you What you did Tell me when I did a good job And if you think I should change things, tell me that too.

Yeah, you need to put people like Nate in their place when they completely step out of line. But you also – it really is like the feedback we get on the blog. It's like if you're going to say that all the trolls who say you're absolute trash don't mean anything, well, then when someone's like, yo, that was an awesome podcast, well, that doesn't mean anything either. You're probably somewhere in the middle. I think that I already know who doesn't like me and is nice to my face. I think

the value in this, this guy was like, so you'll actually know who's talking shit about you behind your back. I think I already know that. I think I do too. I know who in here is nice to my face, but probably has some thoughts. If I found out that like trent was like going on foreplay i'm like fuck kfc that would i would be like oh shit but i think

i don't think you know i don't think trent is and i think i do know all the people in my life friends family co-workers who are probably being like kind of phony and i'm phony back and it's just like well that's because we're just adults you need to get through the day um like i'll do that with nate now i'll just be, like, you know, randomly polite. But it's like, I hate your guts. But I don't want to know what, like, the people... I guess it would be nice if I found out that people were, like, behind my back and being like, yo, KFC is really great.

But that would be weird. I think that kind of... No, you know what? I wouldn't want to know that. Cause like nobody's doing that. Imagine it's like, all right, Jeannie, I want the,

I want to know, like I flipped the switch and I can see, let's say, let's say you flip the switch and like a little text bubble, a pops over a person's head and you see their nice thoughts about you. I'm like, all right, one,

two, three, go. Nothing, nothing. Silence. And then it's like, so,

oh, you can find out who's being nice about you behind your back. Nobody is. And that's the most depressing thing ever so i'm not gonna risk that at all because nobody's probably saying anything good about me if if i had to choose i'd probably take the negative just because just so you know who to you know cut out of your life sort of thing yeah but not even that i i think it is more as like uh i don't know i don't know i just wouldn't i've never been like my entire life i've never been good but is that like stuff like that isn't that just like you you are forced to see

the comment section all the time you know like we talk about like that's true you don't want too much feedback because a lot of feedback is negative so if you like constantly had to expose yourself to that i don't know if that's a good thing it was i also so different like if you have a normal life right if it's just like you know you have you have a normal life, right. If it's just like, you know, you have, you have a few friends and a few coworkers and a few family members. And that's what we're talking about versus like we constantly put out

ourselves for like the whole world to judge. Yeah. I guess if you're a normal life, I guess you take the negatives and then it's just, you know, who's mean to you and you don't have to interact with anymore. Yeah. Um,

I don't know. So everyone thought I was super ugly on that um on the blogger picture thing and then i tweeted that picture of you the other day i wore the the fuck and i was wearing my pajamas out i really hit rock bottom this weekend i was just in pajamas out and about in life so i take a picture of it to show the sherpa and i was like oh damn i look kind of good in this picture i want to tweet it out and everyone was like oh you're gross so i was like this was the good picture. I thought I was good looking in this one.

The hair looked good though. The eyes were popping. I mean, I always, I'm going to have bags under my eyes for the rest of my fucking life. But people were like, oh my God, I was like disgustingly hungover and felt bad about myself until I saw this picture. I was like, this is the after picture. This is the good one. Fuck.

The, uh, the, I've never in my whole life, even as a child, I've never done well with compliments. I don't like This is the good one. Fuck. I've never, in my whole life, even as a child, I've never done well with compliments. They make me feel uncomfortable. So good things would not be okay. You would just be cringing your whole life. Yeah, I guess I'd have to do... It was a good thing my cousins would do to tease me. John, you look nice today. I like those shoes.

And I'd run away. John, you're a pathetic, depressed piece of shit. How about that? I get it. Hey, boys, I just got a little hypothetical for you. Would you rather have a mirror in front of you

every time you take a shit for the rest of your life or a mirror above your bed for the rest of your life or a mirror above your bed for the rest of your life? Alright, Viva. Say it one more time. A mirror in front of you while you take a shit or a mirror above your bed?

I guess a mirror above my bed. Yeah, I don't want to see myself take a shit. It's not going to be great above my bed either. Particularly because I'll just be like masturbating in it. Yeah, that's right. I know what you're inferring. Like, yeah, you're going to have to watch yourself have sex. It's just probably going to be mostly drinking.

Well, how about that? Make it that. When you take a shit, a mirror pops up and you have to look at your own face while you grunt it out. Or a mirror pops up and you have to look at your own face while you masturbate. I'll tell you that masturbation. Pooping's gross. Pooping's disgusting. I hate poop talk

the I guess I would do I guess I would do I don't know so I can't watch porn even if it's in front of my bed on top of my bed I'm not looking at my ceiling when I jerk off I guess I'm not you're forced to watch then I mean if I have to look at myself

I jerk off I'm never coming again I mean I have much less of a problem then, I mean, if I have to look at myself like a jerk, I'm never coming again. I mean, I have much less of a problem with, like, I mean, when you're doing, like, your O-face, it's pretty bad. But, like, pooping is way worse, if you ask me. Sometimes I... Well, it depends on what, I mean, you're talking, like, sometimes it just

happens. Let's say it's a particularly, you know, adversarial edition. You're just, like, fighting it. That's awful. That's awful. Plus you're sitting down and there's like... I don't even like to look at myself, period, when I'm sitting down. Bottom line, I don't want

any sort of mirror. I don't want to look at myself. But I do. It doesn't make sense, but I do. I want to look at myself when I'm walking and I have my best outfit on. Yeah, sunglasses. Then I feel like I'm cool. Otherwise, if I'm just like naked, and afraid. Although,

I have had sex in like a mirror room before, and that's fucking fire. Yeah, is it? Oh my God. What do you mean? What did you have sex in a fun house? It's like,

a mirror room. My parents, my parents room, not at their, not in my, not in my like childhood house, at like their summer house, they have a room,

that's like, it's got two, my mom's like vanity, which is like a big mirror, and then, like my summer house, they have a room that's like, it's got two, my mom's like vanity, which is like a big mirror. And then like my dad's over by my dad's dresser. So when I go out there by myself, I sleep in their room. Cause like, we don't really have rooms. It's kind of just like, everyone's always kind of going in and out. And, but they have a room.

And then like my dad's dresser has a big mirror on it. And then they have two, it's just a wall of mirrors. It's like they're two closets. I don't know what they were doing. And it's like, it's like two, like two big closets that have two sliding door mirrors. And when I lived out there for a summer earlier, it was, Kevin, I know, my parents have sex. They have mirror sex.

But I have a lot of mirror sex in their room, too. And it's awesome. Very, very awesome. This one takes a little while to get to it, but it's an interesting scenario. Hello. Hello. So, yeah, I always get anxious whenever I leave a voicemail because although I'm 21, hashtag legal, I feel like I sound like an infant. Definitely.

So I always feel like whenever I leave a voicemail, people will be like, okay, why is this 12-year-old calling? But two things. First thing is I can out-eat my boyfriend concerning. Fuck you. Also, so this has happened

to not just to one of my friends, but, no, I know multiple girls of mine in my sorority, and, okay, that in my sorority, who have made PowerPoints of all the guys they've fucked. how old they are what they were like during sex like pros cons like one of them was like came in five minutes like told me he was gay yeah it was amazing and I just want to know

this is a well known thing because I never knew this was like a thing to do and until I learned that my friends did it. And honestly, it's the most entertaining thing I've ever experienced in my life. So I'm going to know if like you all like ever heard of that.

It's like. I never thought about this. Do you think that you're in a book? I mean, the only time the movie Mallrats had that girl who did that. Remember she kept the log and she had like smiley face if I came and double smiley face if he came and all that shit.

I didn't know if it really happened in real life. But now I'm thinking about if I'm in anybody's book and what the game notes are on me. I don't think I am. You don't think any of the girls you had sex with keep – I mean if you're on a log, if a girl keeps a log. I wasn't a hussy in college and I'm not now. But the I think that's a college thing. I think girls I've slept

with more recently are just I have other stuff to do. Yeah, like I have a job. I have responsibilities. I make PowerPoints for work all day. I'm not doing it. Right, when you wake up at like 11.30 in college, you're like all I have is like a 4 o'clock class so for the next 5 hours, I'm just going to make

a fuck log. That doesn't happen in real life. Sitting at work, you got an Excel pivot table. You press refresh and all the new guys you fucked pop up into the Excel spreadsheet. If you were in a log, you think...

This is more than a log, though. This is a PowerPoint presentation. I don't think there's'm uh what is she showing she's showing these people i guess to her sorority it's multiple girls i think that is like what they did on a friday night like we're just gonna go through amanda's presentation see this is the problem too and this is why you know 2018 girls are fighting for equality. We have female CEOs and we have men who stay at home with the kids and pay gap is

lessening. You know, everyone's meeting in the middle, but at the end of the day, like, girls are still doing this kind of shit. I think guys do this too. Not PowerPoints necessarily, but I think guys started this long before girls did where it's just like, I fucked Tammy and I don't know what Tammy... I think we started this long before girls did, where it's just like, I fucked Tammy. Yeah. I mean, I think we talk about it and it's like, yeah, like this chick got fat ass or this girl is like crazy in bed.

But we don't like sit around creating a PowerPoint. I think I think there's a period of time where girls are just consumed with boys. It's like their most important thing where I always think that there's a level where guys are consumed with like fucking chicks, but they're just like, I think that's a lifelong thing. I think, I think mostly we're more involved where we can, um, we can handle that.

We can, we can demolish. Yes. Girls can't like you get, if girls get boy crazy, they're like, I need to go make a PowerPoint presentation where guys are like, I really,

really want to fucking beat tonight. And then it's like, but also I gotta like, I got a fantasy draft. We can do, well, I can handle both little things. I'm like, I really, really want to fucking beat tonight. And then it's like, but also I got a fantasy draft. We can do both at the same time. I can handle both little things. Like a stay-at-home mom. Guys are stay-at-home moms in the sense that we can do a lot of shit.

Right, right. We're very versatile. Don't do it. Jack of all trades and master of none. But I just hope if any girls out there made a PowerPoint slide about me. Well, no, don't tell me. Unless it's really good, then tell me. I think I'm a good kisser.

I don't like it, but I'm good at it. I don't know. We can't really talk about it. I could genuinely think it would be. What do you think? I mean, it'd be like jocking Muck Barn, for sure. Yeah, I feel like... I feel like... I would just be so stunned if there's

any guy out there who's just like yep like my stroke game is just legit like what i can't imagine that somebody if i just had the confidence like yeah i put it down with my dick like i make up for it i make up for it in other ways but my dick dick's in there. It's not great. I hope that's what my slides say. Pretty good. Really puts on a show. Creates an atmosphere for certain. A lot of heart. A lot of effort.

Grit. Big time grit. He'll make you... I feel like I do a really good job of... I've said this before. I'll slap you around and do crazy shit that makes you feel like it's about to be crazy. And then it's just not. So there's a big letdown, but the build up is good.

And then... Your sex game is a David Wright not. So, like, there's a big letdown, but the buildup is good. And then, like... Your sex game is a David Wright finale. Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much. Yeah, then, like, the note would be, like, but, like, when his dick's inside me, it's not great. I, yeah, that's... I don't know.

So, boys, it's Thursday morning. I'm on the way to work, and I might just kill myself. Okay. I took this girl out. I've been seeing her to work, and I might just kill myself. That's great. I took this girl out. I've been seeing her for about, dating for about a month. Awesome girl. Really like her. Been seeing my drop in the L-bomb.

Take her to a really nice dinner last night. Rooftop. We had a bunch of drinks. It was great. The whole thing. Come back, hook up a little bit, and then sit down to watch a show. We both fall asleep watching this show. And apparently at some point we wake up and start hooking up again.

And I do not remember it at all. I was in the sleep zone or whatever. We're still half asleep. We hooked up. She remembers it very clearly apparently during that time I said my ex-girlfriend's name during sex and I mean this is from three years ago I had no feelings for like I don't know where it came from I just said it how the fuck do I dig myself out of this hole? Because I've apologized profusely.

I said I'm sorry, and she says it's fine, but I know it's not fine. So help me out, boys. What do I do? You're screwed. Your first misstep was apologizing profusely. I think something like this, you need to just be like, I was half asleep. I couldn't have said anything. I could have called you fucking Bill Clinton.

Move on. Find a new slant. Don't even give them an inch because they'll take a mile. If you're like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. They know that you think you did something wrong and they'll hold it over your head forever. When you've actually done something wrong, genuinely heartfelt wrong, you have to apologize. Sometimes you have to apologize profusely. When it's something like

you're half drunk, half asleep, you were sleepwalking, sleeptalking, you really genuinely can't be responsible for your actions, you need to let her know, this ain't shit, shut up. Because otherwise, it's too late now. Yeah, I think you're having sex, I don't know, that's a tough one. I think it's very simple.

Like you said, it's just I just said it's a tough one, it's very simple. It's a tough situation, but the answer is very simple. Yeah, it's a very simple resolution. What are you fucking talking about? I'm not talking about make them feel crazy, but illuminate how crazy they're being. Right. Point them in that direction.

Be like, look, I don't know what the fuck. You know what? I guess it's kind of a weird thing, though, because I think this is a very guy thing. I've never called a girl the wrong name. I've never had a girl call me the wrong name. I don't know how. It might make me angry. Yeah, I think I would be no matter what

it was like sleep talking I think I would be like upset with it but I would not I'd be like that was a shitty break like I'm not going to hold it against I might it might be one of those things I'd be I wouldn't be actively mad I don't get it I think I might be like you know I

I know this is I know you didn't do this on purpose but like I'm hurt by it yeah like a girl like a girl move oh yeah you'd give your honest opinion on something your honest emotional opinion you'd say that look let's sit down i i don't blame you i know it wasn't your fault but i just want you to know it hurt me yeah i mean that's what i should say that's what a functioning adult would do where it's like i i'm not mad at you but i do want you to know that like when i close my eyes and think of that moment i'm like fuck that didn't happen i would probably i mean if it happened to me i would just be like you know what i would i would joke like i do everything else i

would uh use humor as a defense mechanism and i would just bring it up all the time like oh yeah it's like that time you called me steve you know and say like i'll call her zach yeah right right the black ranger i don't know i don't know how these names get into my head when i just randomly Yeah, right, right. Oh, Zach. Zach. The Black Ranger. I don't know. I don't know how these names get into my head when I just randomly choose a name. That one I was thinking of the Power Rangers. I mean, I probably would have said a girl name if I were you, but. Well, I don't remember.

Kimberly's a little too much. Right, but do you understand what I'm talking about? Like, you should have been having sex with girls, so you. No, I'm using her boyfriend's name that she called me. Oh, you're saying her. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I don't know why you say a guy's name, but they're talking about girls here. I would just start calling her the that she called me. Oh, you're saying her. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I don't know why you say a guy's name, but they're talking about girls here.

I would just start calling her the name she called me. Yeah, I would do that. I probably would be a little bothered by it, but I think the difference, again, between guys and girls is girls will really hold that against you, whereas guys will be like, that sucks. I'm going to fucking bust your balls about it. But everything you bust your balls about has truth.

I don't know if girls recognize that. I think it's guys, when someone sarcastically makes fun of you, you're being serious. You mean it. You're just being a pussy about it. That's what we do. I know what's in your head. And I respect it.

I appreciate the fact that you're being a pussy about it. But it is what it is. Let's call it. I know you're mad about it. I think the ultimate lesson here is that from an early age, when you become sexually active, you need to train yourself to not say names. No names.

Say pet names, fucking dirty names. Call her a slut. Don't call her a name. I'd feel out slut. I wouldn't come in guns blazing. Slut is so hit or miss. But if it hits, it's a grand slap. And if it misses, you're a rapist.

Last Voice of the Day is brought to you by Common Bond. Right now. I actually forgot. I've never really been with many people who say the name a lot. My ex-girlfriend was a big namer. And even as it's happening, i knew we were playing with fire i never got the wrong name but like even even when she would start being like john john i'd be like you're gonna fuck up one day you're gonna throw a tom so it would it would john john it would

actually take away from it because i'm like just wait and i'm just like oh she's gonna say zach i know it i especially all these like waspy hoes that John fucks. Oh, John Henry. Oh, John Henry. Commonbond. Listeners are going to get a $300 cash bonus when you refinance your student loan with Commonbond. You could be, I mean, listen, student loans are a disaster. If you're racked right now with student loan debt, your life is going to be... I hear about this all the time.

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I don't know about that. The average, that does not sound average to me. That does not sound average. $300 a month. God bless you if you can do that. But common bond is whether you're saving, whether you're not saving, if you're racked with that debt, they're going to help you manage that.

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But also, oh man. So taking care of kids is a real thing now? Well, when you're... If you were doing something like refinancing your loan, and it was like, on top of that, I'm going to fund Om Prasad, you were just money out the door to some 24-year-old Puerto Rican in the Bronx.

Om Prasad. Get out of here. Go to commonbond.co slash KFC. It's commonbond.co slash KFC. It's commonbond.co slash KFC. Refinance your loan and get that $300 cash bonus. That student loan stuff is crazy. I see the number with the student loan debt.

Do you still have student loan? No, no, no. I'm saying my kids, I mean, by the time my kids go to college, it will legitimately be like a quarter of a million dollars a year. You know? And I am banking on either the bubble bursting, because I think it has to. I don't think it can become a million dollars to go through four years of college. So I think either the bubble will burst, or I think college will go back to being, like, not essential. Like, it's like everybody goes to college now.

Back in the day, it was like the fancy people did, and other people went to, like, trade school. I think I'm going to be like, yo, Che, you want to be a beauty fucking something? You just go do makeup on YouTube. I'm sending my kids to YouTube University. That's what I'm saying. You can learn anything there. It's 100% free. Right.

I remember I was in college. I was the kid. Even my freshman year, I was the guy being like, this shit is not going to last. This is a bubble for sure. It has to. Pretending I was a genius. It's like, this book costs $600. Youending I was a genius. It's like, this book costs $600. You can't keep

doing this. It's true though. That's why I didn't finish on principle. I don't want to encourage this institution. I'm not going to keep doing this nonsense. I'm going to tell my kids, learn whatever you can online and I'll give you like $10,000 a year to travel and do whatever. It'll cost you $40,000 total.

You get to have your fun because that's the problem. If you tell your kids they can't go to school you don't have the social experience yeah you don't i mean it's a lot of fun go to college but go i mean i'm telling you know obviously shea only gets to go to like a local community college and commute and keegan has to go to an sec school i mean those are those are facts uh but yeah i mean i'm not going i ain't doing the whole you know 100, a hundred grand a year sort of thing. I mean, it literally can't happen. Unless like, unless inflation, like unless my salary, unless a dollar is now worth like

a hundred dollars, you know? Well, what about how people just defaulted on mortgages and life's not paying them? What if you just send your kids and we're just like, let them rack up the debt as an 18 to 22 year old and then just have a kid not pay. I feel like I don't want to get thrown in jail for college loans. I feel like they're like medical bills. Like I still get medical bills from all my surgeries and stuff.

And I'm just like, I'm not paying that. Like I get a collection agency call me like, how would you like to take care of that today? And I'm like, I'm not, I'm not going to do that. And they're like, what? And I'm just like, no, I'm not doing that. And because it's because they know that like a doctor being like, all right, this is $1,000. It's like, no, it's not. You made that up.

I feel like if you had a student loan and you just didn't pay it, I think they'd be like, well, listen. There was a professor who was performing a podcast over the internet with his lecture. It shouldn't have cost any money. So, OK. I wouldn't pay for it either. That was a viral tweet recently where it was like Sally May tweeted out what the student loan debt is and it's like trillions of dollars.

And someone quoted, y'all need to have a come to Jesus moment and realize we ain't paying this. It's just not happening. Forgive that shit and move on. What was it? Neil Brennan had a good bit where he was talking about he dropped out of college in a semester

because he said, I realized that a college loan is a small business loan and maybe I'm not such a great business. My business stinks. This is failing. That was John Mulaney had that too, where John Mulaney's like, I paid someone $150,000 to tell me to read The Iliad or something. And then I didn't do it. I think as long as you can make friends and hook up and party a little bit and all that shit

I don't know just go like hang out on a campus and come home have some friends and go visit them at school right that's what I'm gonna do I'll send my kids on a tour like all of his friends will be at all sorts of great schools do you think though like I mean I don't put anything into practice but I don't know I feel like if I

didn't have learned anything I would just be like a stupider person I don't know. I feel like if I didn't have learned anything, I would just be a stupider person. I didn't learn anything in college. Okay, fine, but if you didn't go, do you think you'd be dumber? Because, alright, I don't remember how to do the net present value of this, that,

and the other thing, but if I didn't sit in a class and have to meet deadlines and have to do the responsibility of it all. No, no. I didn't go. I went away to college. I didn't go to college. have to meet deadlines and have to do the responsibility of it all. You think you'd be the same exact? I didn't go. I went away to college. I didn't go to college. I went to a really good high school.

I was really smart in high school and then I got to college and I was everyone was doing things I learned in fucking sophomore year of high school and I just got mad. John was one of those kids he wasn't challenged enough. Exactly. This is so fucking stupid. I'm not coming at you with it. This is easy to me.

Do it again. Do it. Do it. Do it. It's like a 10th episode in a row we've done it. This shit is easy to me. This shit is fucking easy. This is easy to me.

We do that every episode. Last voicemail. What do we got? Hey, KFC. Hey, Fights. First time, long time. So there's this study that came out recently that's saying that the majority of people are now meeting their significant others online personally not an online dating app guy at all

i really just want to meet someone the old-fashioned way in a bar or whatever uh so my question for you guys is how do I go about dating without getting into the online dating world? Shut up. Am I just going to the wrong bars? Is bars not a thing? Shut up. Should I be looking elsewhere?

Could really use some help. Shut up. Uh, thanks boys. Yo, you're living in the wrong era. How do I avoid the internet in 2018? This is just how it goes. This is how it fucking goes, man. I agree with her.

No. I have no interest in a Tinder or anything like that, but I also just don't have an interest in going to a bar either. De-stigmatize that shit. Nah, it's going to take more than that. You can't just give an uninspired sentence. De-stigmatize it. Okay.

Well, no, fine. Don't. I don't give a fuck about this, girl. Live your life lonely and miserable because you refuse to go on an online date. I mean, it's different. It is. It's kind of just, again, kind of just the way you were raised in a particular way, people in general. It was don't talk to strangers, don't talk to people online.

That was what you were being into. So it is. It's hard to get over that. I mean, listen, John, we are fucking internet nerds that live our life on the internet like we're also gonna have a romantic life on there too yeah for sure you know like i i have followers that it's like i i basically know some of these people more than i know like i haven't talked to my reading app i think that's different than i think that's different than the swipe someone you followed for six months and know and and have liked each other's tweets which is a big deal i genuinely believe that um and yeah all right fine okay fine i was thinking just more like

the internet so you don't have to go tinder on it and shit get on twitter yeah i think also like it's funny because a lot of people talk and then you can like develop a lot of people i think have made friends on twitter like i've seen a lot of KOC Radio fans that are like my internet friends and like people flying out and like hanging out. Yeah, the fly out culture. It's wild. But just like, you know,

because, because. Same sex, people just like, you know, making friendships. Because what happens is Twitter, if you are a Twitter nerd like we are, you are your true ass self on Twitter if you really dive into it. And so I have friends that I'm still,

like my best friends, I'm still not like fully myself around them i go on twitter i put my whole goddamn self out there and these people like me back like we're gonna get down we're gonna be cool together friends we can have sex we can do it you like me if you like my twitter self you love me more than anybody in my life does maybe that's what you're dating your dating profile like me you can still call it that because you don't go on on twitter to find someone to spend your Saturday night with. That's the difference, too, though, is that hinge and all that shit.

You're forcing it, and that never works. It's the hashtag of dating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like hashtag hookup. It's like, no, I don't want to. But it's like, oh, I'm just going to live tweet this award show. Oh, look at this person who's liked all my tweets, and they said the same thing. And da-da-da-da, let's fuck.

But then you just need an app that aggregates all the single people who are willing to potentially meet for the night. Well, that's Tinder. But it's just... I like this. You build a dating profile on Tinder still. It should just be your Twitter. But it's like you go on here and you see all the people

willing to talk. So someone just takes your Twitter activity and says these are the people that have your connection. Because a lot of it it you log in with Facebook you should have to log in with Twitter it should just like post your last 10 tweets and then there should be like a

like an algorithm sort of thing that connects you but then there's a way you yeah I guess I don't know you could just be like DM me on Twitter

that would be see that would fuck with me though if I knew my tweets were getting out it's like when a famous person follows you and you're like my next one's gotta be

a fucking monster son of a bitch if a girl potentially is gonna like me off this tweet, I better. You almost need to do this secretively. What you need to do is involved, but it's going to work.

You need to sign up other people. I'm going to secretly sign up, John, for this Twitter hookup thing. In a year, I'm going to be like, here's a list of all the girls that you're compatible with. Because you were just being your natural ass self. That's smart. That'd be a great gift. It it's like here's a christmas gift i've been i've been monitoring your online activity for 365 days and these are the people that you're

compatible with but it would be great i think that with all the stuff that people are putting out about themselves online i think it's easier now than ever to like build this algorithm but i think it's harder now than ever to just be the one to reach out like if you gave them all this stuff is john gonna dm that girl no i basically, is John going to DM that girl? No, I basically need to do all the work for John. Are you going to be able to find that girl? You need to go on the date, too. Okay, another romantic comedy movie. This is going to be the new, like, Netflix one.

Where, like, that's what's going on, is I'm committing to, like, finding love for you, but in the process, I end up falling for the person. So, I am committed to finding someone for you, and I find this girl, and I, I am committed to finding someone for you and I find this girl and I like, you know,

show her you and all that shit, right? And she actually likes you, but I have fallen for her in the process and it actually puts a strain on our friendship.

It becomes a devil's triangle. Right. And then it's like, which one does she end up with? And then we end up, we fuck her together. That's it for today's episode. It was brought to you by SimpliSafe. SimpliSafe home security. That's it for today's episode. It was brought to you by

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Simplisafe.com slash KFC radio. Fight. Any last words for him? No. Buy the boots. Buy the boots. Shit, forgot. Buy the fucking boots. Boots. Quick. They're going to sell out. They might be sold out right now. They're. No. Buy the boots. Buy the boots. Shit, forgot. Buy the fucking boots.

Boots. Quick. They're going to sell out. They might be sold out right now. They're probably gone. They're gone.