KFC Radio - Are You Garbage Guys Would Blackmail Bezos Ft. Jessica Kirson

Episode Date: January 13, 2022

**DISCLAIMER** We had audio issues with Feits' mic for the first 22 minutes of the podcast, so it may sound a little odd for a little bit... So sorry about this Kevin Ryan and H. Foley, the two members of Are You Garbage, join us for most of today's show, including helping answer AITA and video voicemails. The guys talk strip clubs, sushi at strip clubs, leaking Jeff Bezos' sexts, Drake's hot sauce condom, travel agents, and much more. Later, Jessica Kirson joins us in an interview discussing childhood trauma, a failed 3-some story, her impressive comedy career, and much more ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - Who has the fatter neck? 00:18:05:16 - Johnny Notebook 00:25:33:20 - Rico Bosco Drama 00:37:57:26 - Are You Garbage (AYG) 01:30:15:20 - AITA with AYG 01:42:13:20 - Voicemails with AYG 01:57:27:15 - Jessica Kirson Interview ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Whistlepig WOULD/Mario Badescu: Would is available at getwould.com or your local CVS. MVMT: Join the MOVEMENT and get 15% off today — with FREE SHIPPING and FREE RETURNS — by going to MVMT.com/KFC HelloFresh: Go to https:barstool.link/HFKFC and use code kfc16 for up to 16 free meals AND 3 free gifts!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. A personal one is, like, I am never doing, like, steak in the strip club, the buffet in the strip club. There's a one that Flash Dancers here has sushi in the strip club. Sushi's a little much, but I won't say no to a steak. I've had a steak in a strip club. I like how you're patting yourself on the back for that. That's where I draw my line.

Complete despair. Maybe an appetizer, all right? If they got the cheesesteak egg rolls, I'll have one. But I'm not dipping it in nothing. I'm not dipping it in. I'm not using their aioli. I'll tell you that right now. Let me yell about Jackie first. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.

It's Feidelberg and Clancy. We're here to fuck around. And I've realized how important. I made a decision when we moved to this office that I didn't know was going to be as important as it was. And it was to make this table. And to do this V-shaped table thing. Because just ever so slightly, I'm turned. And what I've learned when I do the Kevin ever so slightly, I'm turned.

And what I've learned when I do the Kevin Clancy show, I have a head-on camera. And you know, John, I'm a survivor. I've had neck surgery. I'm a survivor. You can see the scar here. It was scary. It was a trying time.

It went through my neck and around my windpipe and my trachea. They did what they needed to do. And as a result, my neck's a little, I get this line, I get the scar, but then I get this crease here. It's also because I'm a little bit fat. And usually because of the turn or maybe my camera person having the wherewithal to, you know, hit them angles as the kids might say, as Drake would say. Jackie yesterday, I think she put the camera two feet from the ground, and it was just looking right up at me, and I'm just getting flambéed on the internet.

Just roasted on the internet. I didn't notice anything. I saw one of your videos. I saw you talking about Rico. People said that I look like the guy from Men in Black who's trying to fit inside his human skin. Look, that's what they're saying I look like, dude.

See? I'm a survivor. See that crease on my neck? That's because I'm a survivor. And any of you making fun of me, it's because you're cold-blooded and you're making fun of a man who almost died. Bro, I... I'm leaving like this because there's a... I'm not being a weirdo. There's just a light that I can't see in my neck. I... If you can't remember what you're about to say, because I'm leaving like this because there's a, I'm not being weird, there's just a light that I can't see in my neck.

I, I... If you can't remember what you're about to say, because I'm a survivor. I see slightly what you're saying, but I, the worst news for you is, I think that's, okay, the turn changed things. Yeah. It's okay.

That's the problem. But that's exactly where, that's exactly where the trauma happened, and that's what, you know, that, I'm a survivor. You looked like me when I had that thing. Yes. Well, let's be easy.

When I was physically, when you're dead, yeah, you look gross. I'm okay with that, but we do have to clarify, I don't look like you when you had that thing. That was insane. But this is like, you look like me a little bit. No, no, no, no. I know what you're thinking, but but when you find the picture, no. And again, you were sick. I'm a survivor. We're talking about people who have medical issues.

Bro, I think you look more like me than you're willing to. No, I don't think you remember what you look like. You were insane. Let's pull that up just for posterity here. Side by side? Yeah, let's go. Let's go that up just for posterity here. Side by side? Yeah, let's go. Let's go. Because I have one crease.

You had just a... When you think about it, I had no creases. You had a loaf of bread. And this has been a problem. You know what's interesting? It's been a problem when Nick Hamilton's not around. Because Nick Hamilton knows how to hit them on the fucking angles. And there's been another time where I –

So the last time this really happened, I, you know, Survivor. But also I was like bloated or fat or – I mean you're – come on, dude. Like your cheeks are – That is wild. You got like a quadruple. Like it's like one, two, three. We're just gross humans.

We talk about that a lot and I think it's under-talked. It is. I mean, that was one. And of course, that was Zoom. You mean a pelican? Yeah. It looks like you had about four or five fish in your gullet. That was also Zoom.

That fucked you so bad. Biggest baby in Iowa history just in your gullet. And so I texted Pabst and Jackie, because they're usually the ones that are recording for me. I also, I hate to. Oh, are you going to, are you done yet? I hate to do this, but I'm not the one. And there he goes.

Here comes the bus. Here comes the bus. I just love when Jackie stops things and she knows she's about to throw someone on the bus, but we don't know yet. And she'll be like, can I just say, or like, hang on a second. But wait about, what about? And then it's boom, right under the bus. She was looking at me like three times during it.

I'm not the one who set up the camera. You set up the cameras. I set them up. You set up the cameras. But then when you go set everything up, when he sits down, you adjust. No. So you can't do this on me. Because he's not there yet.

But if you set it from a low angle, like there's not much that I could do at that point. But then you say, one second, let me rise the camera. Yeah, what are you talking about? Well, yeah. You were the one who set it up before and did everything before. Technically, it was me. Technically.

I don't know if there's some way I could have been like, all right. Like technically, but figuratively, it was Pat. No, it was fucking you. Because he was the one who set it. You set up everything else, and then I... Now I have a follow-up question. You don't understand right now, right?

Yeah. Put your hand on the Bible. Okay, do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth nothing but the truth so be god yeah okay while recording did you notice no i didn't i swear okay so that so so listen so listen i texted pavs and jackie i said we got to work on our camera angles and kevin clancy show she said ha ha ha i thought you looked fine but next time we'll send a pic of the screen before we film that, I feel you. And I said, you did me dirty, girl. And then she said, well, that's karma for the Stephen Hawking picture.

Which you never put out. Which I never put out. So then I said, well, now I'm definitely tweeting it. She said, fuck, no, I take it back, I take it back, I take it back. So as of this moment, the Stephen Hawking picture is not out. And I just kind of want to like you know remind you of that and let you know like what are you going to do in an inappropriate way what are you going to do to make sure that i don't post that picture just something to think about as you go about

your work day when you're usually just a fucking bitch to me now think twice because maybe just maybe whoops i'm tweeting the stephen hawking it's not as different as we're saying. John, come on. I have one wrinkle in between three loaves of bread. In between three loaves of bread. Okay, we don't need to, you know, we're good.

Put it to a poll. Twitter poll. What? Is this close? No, I think we're both good. We don't need to put these out. And if we do, the Stephen Hawking picture is going out. I'm going down.

I'm like, everybody's coming down with me. I'm a survivor, god damn it. You guys are just fat and ugly. I'm a survivor, goddammit. You guys are just fat and ugly. I'm a survivor. That picture is so goddamned funny. Why is my face so different color than my chin? Your chin and then your, yeah, your chin. Yo, I'm going to draw, the way I drew the picture On your knees

I can draw another one Out of whatever that is I don't know what I'm seeing yet But I could draw like A whole fucking animal Or something on that neck And the Oh man

That's so good You're all fucking Insensitive Rude Just you know Survivors okay To all my other survivors out there

I know the struggle it's tough so I mean the question is should I put on the Stephen Hawking picture yeah of course at this point

you just keep using it above me and it's gonna come out at some point what I wanna do is almost like every time but what's not fair

about that picture is Jackie can just be like well that's not what I look like. Yeah. I guess that's what I do with pictures where I'm just like, I'm like, whenever I have a bad picture,

I think it's funny. That's not what I look like, so I'm like, that's hilarious. Yeah, we just look like that. Well, no, you don't look like that. And then, you know, You also don't look like that. Yeah, I mean, well, I mean...

I think that's what you have to accept. Yeah. You don't look like that. Well, you know, sometimes I do. I've known you for 10 years now. Right. I've never seen that before.

Now, but do you question them when they're like, you look fine? No. You know what the problem is? I know what I look like. The problem, though, is that, you know, it's like we always say. You take a picture with someone, you look at you. You don't look at anybody else, you know? Right, right.

And when you look at yourself in the morning, you have your body dysmorphia. You go through your own photos with, with like a fine-tooth comb. She sat down and was probably like, I don't know, that person on the screen, that's not me. It looks okay. You know, if it was her, she'd be like, all right, hang on. Wait a second. No, no, no. We got to change this.

For me, she was like, good. And she started talking about glitches in the Matrix. Me and Jackie were going. You would have thought we were super stoned last night. But, you know, you almost need. She was like, I'll take a picture and send it over to you because I would be like, no, no, no. Camera up last night um but you know you almost need she was like i'll take a picture and send it over to you because i would be like no no no camera up camera up you know or we need like a you know uh the tv needs to be like over there where i can see it or something

you know what i mean see yourself but anyway you know um what i want to do is i bet i'll bet that's i bet that'll be like a very one of the higher higher watched Kevin Clancy shows because like it'll get comments, the algorithm will catch it. You're welcome. Oh, fuck you, Jackie. Welcome. You're so grotesque at all times. Make that a clip

so we can actually get the views. I mean, you know, like I definitely think there was a point where Trump was intentionally misspelling things just to get everybody corrected him. You know what I mean? So you do things like that, so let's just be ugly. Yeah. But we set the – you can be ugly on a podcast and not get famous because you're just ugly.

I think we set the baseline of, like, decent looking, and then we're ugly, you know? What we should do is – You can have an occasional day where you look like it's a Halloween cut yeah and then you can be like oh it's a bad you gotta like

spread them out maybe like every like three weeks or something like boy I look you know this is a fat episode so people don't read you know because if it's every day

they're just like okay these are ugly podcasters which we you know we're already we're not ugly we're not good looking just standard looking people just

we are we have faces that could well not me ah maybe me like We're not ugly We're not good looking Just standard looking people We are We have faces that could Well not me Maybe me Like I could get away with most crimes Well you Could get away with most crimes

Because everybody looks like you Yeah you're like No it was them It was you Oh how about The Feidelberg Carabas crossover That was so embarrassing for me Why?

Because there's There's one set of genetics dragging that dude down. No. They're clearly mine. No. It's like Jared's hair and Jared's beard. I mean, that guy's old. He's not fat.

That guy's older. His face is fat. No, it's not. His face is droopy. Droopy. He's older. He's older. But like the schnoz and like you in like 30 years, 20 years will look like that when you

have some droop on you. But the hair and the beard Like the hair is bizarrely Like Karabas Where he has that like That thing on the side there That The final verse continues To grow to the point

That you could probably You know Go murder someone And be like It was They be You look like a guy I mean

If you're ever really like On the stand Back against the wall Your lawyer can be like What do you guys You seen a little bit of Like reasonable doubt Or whatever

Like He's 50,000 All of these people your lawyer can be like, what are you guys, you just need a little bit of a reasonable doubt or whatever? He's 50,000 other people. All of these people. All of this. This guy from Germany came over to the Durex ad and killed someone. This, you know, Georgia fan or whatever that guy is. You know, he tucked his hair up in a hat and murdered someone. But I think somehow what I'm going to do

is every time she bothers me, I will tweet the picture, like just the bottom of it. And then the next time, the next one. And the next one. And the next one. And I want to build it. Just tweet the whole thing and then just get it over with.

No, no, definitely not. Now I'm definitely going to do the growing thing. Yeah. But you're going to start from the top, so you're going to reply to the tweet. And you're going to have to put together the mosaic. No, I'll just tweet, like, in the beginning, I'll screenshot this, and then I'll screenshot that, and just keep going.

You know what I mean? So it'll... I want the face to be the last part, you know? Maybe I'll give you the shot, too. I'll give you a chance to take away pieces. How do I do that? She's so dumb She's so rude to me

and so ridiculous She can't even fathom how you would make me take away You look fantastic today, Kevin I would maybe consider taking it away on that one Well, you know Listen, everybody knows the only thing that we can really get complimented on

that will make us happy is our hair. Everything else is like you're either lying or I don't really care about it. You know what I mean? So if you tell me my hair looks good,

I might consider taking away a piece. It has to be, you know, genuine. But for the rest of this episode, I'll just be doing the chief. I'll just be doing it like this. You fucking assholes

making fun of a survivor. Anyway, oh, somebody did say to me, they were like, what's crazy is that if you were to just eat You fucking assholes making fun of a survivor. Anyway. Oh, somebody did say to me, they were like, what's crazy is that if you were to just eat, like, one meal a day and, like, cut out snacks for, like, two weeks, you'll be skinny. But if you, like, binge the next two weeks, you'll go full fat. And I was like, and therein lies the beauty of skinny fat. We're just like – and that's why you stay skinny fat, by the way, because it's like you don't – you're never going to like get fully healthy because you know you're not fat fat. And then you don't get fully fat because you can just kind of like have a good

couple days and stick in that skinny fat realm. So until my metabolism just totally shifts to bed, I probably will just stay right here. Stay normal. Yeah. You'll stay. But what's weird is like, like, like when you say I look totally normal,

I'm like 20, 20 pounds heavier than, I don't know how long it's been, like probably pre-pandemic where like, I don't think I look any different, you know? No. I don't think so.

Like 20, 25 pounds is like a big difference. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a finger. Yeah. You know what it is? It's the clothes. It's just like when I can't fit in the large.

You're like, I don't look that different. Two weeks ago, we were doing I Don't Have Pants on this episode. That's what I mean. But I don't look that. You wouldn't say, oh, my God, that guy probably doesn't even fit in any of his clothes, but I don't. That's true. So, oh, speaking of clothes, I am going to take all of the... I'm drowning in clothes at home from samples and shit that I buy and shit that we sell and all that stuff.

I'm going to donate all my clothes to the victims of the Bronx fire. And I don't know if there's a way to get other people involved, but maybe there is. So if you want to donate some of your clothes, I can probably get you an address because these families just got fucking wiped out and have no clothes, no nothing. They're living out of hotels, but they have nothing to wear. Which is, that story is fucking unbelievable, by the way. The fact that it's, like, not, I mean, it got news coverage, but it was kind of just like, oh, wow, keep it moving. But, I mean, 17 dead people and eight of them are kids is like a fucking tragedy.

There are, like, historical tragedies that have far less than that, that are like, we have anniversaries, and we have slogans and hashtags and all that shit. But yeah, these guys, when you live in a poor section of the Bronx, and you know what? Not one of them died from flames, which I guess is a good thing, but it's just so preventable.

It was all smoke inhalation. In these high-rises, when the alarm goes off and sprinklers and shit, there are these doors, like all your doors are supposed to automatically close

to stop the smoke and they just like didn't do that. So wherever the fire started. Yeah, I mean, that's where, I was saying

part of the reason why you don't get all the attention on the Bronx fire is because there's no gunmen and there's no terrorists or there's no, you know,

whatever, to put your blame on. But it's kind of like, there is, you know. I don't, I cannot have a real opinion on this because I don't know. I have been a victim

of the lack of media. I don't really know anything. John's the real victim here. But like, if the landlord was negligent in his... Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's probably on the table. Like, it was caused by space heaters because the heat was shitty.

And so that's probably, like, you guys should have fixed that. And then these doors were not... Like, they didn't do what they were supposed to do. So I think, like, you know, let's say the fire was on the fourth floor. I think people died, you know, all the way up because they just got like inundated with smoke. I'm hoping it sounds terrible when you hope that they like pass out and die before the, any, I don't know. I don't know if they, I think they actually got to the bodies and then they put the fire out and then found all these bodies, which is, I don't know that for sure. But, uh, but anyway, it's just

not getting any, any coverage or any attention. It's right around the corner from Fordham. Really? Uh, I was born in the Bronx. It's a little local thing for me. So I think we're trying to come up with a design kind of like a New York City design that everybody here in New York and anybody outside of New York wants to help. We can donate money to these

you know, probably a dozen or 15 different families. There's still like 20 people in critical condition. It is a wild – they said it's like the worst fire in modern New York City history. Really? Yeah. Like back when they used to like kick over – a horse would kick over a lantern like in Chicago and burn the whole thing down. But I think in modern history, this is the worst one ever, which you say really, but you think about it.

It's like how many fires would be worse than almost two dozen people dead. But anyway, today we got the RU Garbage Boys on the podcast. They'll be joining us. We're going to get into Am I the Asshole and some voicemails with them. But before we do that, Johnny Notebook, are you running out of paper in that book, babe? Me? Is that like a pad you put into the leather thing so you can replace it? Yeah, I have one.

Okay. Have you replaced? How many times so you can replace it? Yeah, I have one. Okay. Have you replaced – like how many times have you ever replaced? Probably three. Probably my third. So many times. You save those or you throw them out? Save them. Okay.

You should. It could be like A, one day when we're rich and famous, it could be like a relic, you know, like put that in a Planet Hollywood on the wall, you know. You should make a Planet Hollywood for the internet. Right? Planet Hollywood? Yeah. Yeah.

Where, like, they have the statues, wax museum things, and they have plaques and all that shit on the wall. People are smarter now. They'll just sue us for everything. That does suck. But wouldn't it be a – I own that NFT. Wouldn't that be – Take it off the law. Yeah, I guess – I'm surprised that didn't – you think they probably paid all those celebrities, right?

I think they did. And wouldn't it be – I actually read an article on it very recently weirdly recently I want to say it was an Esquire or something like that like the history of Planet Hollywood

and it was it was wild yeah that dude was like Planet Hollywood when Planet Hollywood first opened it was harder to get to Planet Hollywood

than like any other like club the movie studios hated it right because they were actors weren't going actors weren't going to their own movie

premiere red carpet because they were like I'll go actors weren't going to their own movie premiere red carpet because they were like i'll go to planet hollywood to celebrate it which is like it's cool but it wasn't that cool like fucking in the cliffhanger premiere because he was too busy riding an elephant into the into like to planet hollywood it was fucking but wouldn't that be cool if it was like you know cool in in in like the same way Planet Hollywood is cool. It's like corny and over the top. But if like, you know, you walk into your booth with your waiter, with your hostess to seat you and there's like the leprechaun from Alabama on the wall. Like a little drawing of that and there's a picture of a grape lady or like – it doesn't have to even be real.

But imagine if you had like the bucket that she was stomping in or something like that. All of these relics from our internet days. I'm going to do that. I gonna make an internet an internet cafe like an internet you know internet cafes but this is like the internet cafe mm-hmm yeah what are we gonna do that every every half hour or something. Ow, Charlie. No, how about this? How about this? Every half hour, there is one of those. It could be like, Terry, back up. What are you doing?

Back up. One. The whistles go. Woo. Yes. And you can bet on that somehow. You can predict what quote's going to come. And anybody who gets it right gets a free shot or something.

I'm really confused. Shot? I might be done with Twitter. Bro, Twitter made a change. Famous words from a fucking addict. You ain't going anywhere. Twitter made a change. Yeah, I saw this.

What do you mean? Explain to me. First of all, I blocked all of them. All the other fucking things in New York you can do fucking gambling things on. I blocked all of you because it was just, I mean, every three tweets. I saw. Every three tweets. You mean specifically gambling in New York is legalized, yes. Bet this, sports that.

We can go through it right now, right? Like, okay, boom, advertisement. One, two, three, four, five. Okay, advertisement. One, two, three, four, advertisement. Wow. I mean, my Twitter timeline is just ads. That's wild.

And then it's just like it's more sensitive to the touch. So it'll open up instead of scrolling? While I'm scrolling. It happened last night. I noticed it while I was in bed last while I'm scrolling it happened last night I noticed it while I was in bed last night and then it was

still happening this morning they made a conscious change to put way more ads in we just want to do it there's definitely a bunch more

every four to five tweets I have can I scroll and see if I would open them up because we might have to get the tinfoil hat out

for crackpot fucking final I swear I swear my thumbs are not touching the sword. Okay, I'm just going to scroll. Basically, if you forget your finger on it for like a second, it'll open up. You know, you fucking, I don't know if I'm reading another tweet, my thumbs are in a different place. Yeah.

Then it'll pop up. Yeah. But it is, it's just nonstop. It's all fucking ads. And I actually. It's a lot. It's wild. It's a lot. It's wild. It's a lot.

It's crazy. I'm not being crazy here. It truly is like, I don't think there's more... It's not more than four ever. More than five ever. It's mostly three to four tweets every time on Final Bricks. I can't replicate the... I'm trying to

gently touch it with my thumb. How about this? I noticed this last night. So Scream is coming out. The new, the final. Blocked them. Did you see their little campaign though? Non-stop ads. Blocked them.

Did you see their campaign with the liking though? No. It said, this one I thought was actually kind of cool. I thought this was like if you could replicate this and do it a little bit better, I think it could be a cool thing. It said like the final chapter premieres blah blah blah blah and then it said like this like this tweet to find out how you're gonna die and first of all you you like the tweet and like a knife goes like jokes on your screen i already know dick in hand port hub on belt belt too tight

jar jar jar um you going you going topless oh okay um and so you like it and immediately

it auto generates a like a reply to you that has a gif from the scream series of other people the way they got stabbed or burned alive or whatever. And it has a corny thing like, you know, you might not make it to the premiere or something like that. Very good.

Yeah, like it was like, you know, it's sure to be like a smashing time and you're getting hit with something. So a little pun and then a gif. But if you could replicate that with Barstool and you send someone a deep, old-school gif, you know what I mean? Like this to find out which Barstool guy you are or something. And then you get a funny old King Richard's Fair or whatever. I mean, it was fast. And then if you go to the Screams page

and you look at tweets and replies, they're not in there. So it doesn't take up their whole page. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know how they did it. But I did think and it's you know sure i clicked on it three times to just keep getting to keep getting new ones so i was like you know good way to find a cool way to die yeah and the gifts are kind of shitty they're like they don't show the full thing so they could do it better but um but yeah they're getting smart out here man the bird is is not fucking around dude you know what i've been doing recently another Another thing, and this is just another.

Everything's just one step towards my eventual disappearance. I've been doing this a lot lately. Tweet and delete. Because it scratches my itch to say something to nobody. And I go, no one cares. Delete it. I do it all the time now. It's not like I'm scared of what people are going to say.

I just tweet and I delete it. What about blocking people? Nah, I don't do that. A lot of people say that. Like, I would never give them the ammo. But then I started doing it and it feels great. Yeah. I'm a muter.

Yeah, I'm a huge muter. You're still King Mute. But, you know, part of me started to think, you know that they want to follow you. And when they can't, it bothers them. Yeah. So like a mute is fine for you, but they still think they're getting their points off

and they still think they're burning you. And now, like how many times do you see people, please ask Rico if you're going to unblock me. Tell Brandon to unblock me. Oh yeah, what do you think about Rico? This is going to gonna be one of your uh you know along with Rappaport and uh you know some of the other people where you were like from day fucking no because I never I never hated Rico I don't hate Rico it was a one-sided thing right I it was yeah it was there was a confusion there was a lot I thought Rico was a lunatic sure

correct like I thought Rico is a lunatic. Sure. Correct. Rico is a lunatic. Rico presents himself as a lunatic. But there's a difference between you're crazy and you're a lunatic. Yeah. That was the behavior. And he knows it. That's the thing.

I'm a firm believer. I hear from Dan and Dave that they're like, he is not in on it. He doesn't get it. He's fully. There's no self-awareness. He's a crazy person. And I don't think that's true because i maybe maybe this is maybe i'm speaking at a turn here and giving you a look behind the curtain but he's said things saying before like you know doing that for the fucking you know the whole show here so um breaking kayfabe yeah i guess whoops but i i yeah good job thanks uh but

i think he needs to break some kayfabe permanently anyway, so maybe it's a good thing that it's out there. But I think he is more aware of what is going on, and he knows he's being ridiculous at times. But this, I think he blacked out. I think he went too far. I said on Twitter, I said there are roughly 500 people at Barstool Sports who regularly talk about their mental illness. Too many of us do it too often, in fact.

And none of us are in the top 50% of Craigslist. Yeah, none of us are the real people. None of us are the real fucking psychopaths. That's why there's a difference between mental health. You know what it is? There are people who are there's mental health issues and there's mental unhealth. They're mentally unhealthy. We're trying to keep our health better.

You know, it's being like, I'm out of shape versus I'm really fat. We're like, you know, our mental is not great their mental is unhealthy that shit is broke it is there are there are a couple we're not going to name names for anyone here but maybe you know i'm talking about maybe you don't there are people who i've said before we're like look i'm fine with it i'm okay laughing at someone with a mental disability with a mental illness but let's just acknowledge that's what's happening here. Yes. That's real.

We are laughing and being entertained by someone who has severe anger issues. That's fine. I don't give a fuck. I'll do it. I'm not above it. Get confident. But, like, that's what we're doing. And we laugh at my mental illnesses and disabilities all the time.

That's what we do. You can be allowed to do it, but let's not pretend it's not happening. Right. There are lunatics amongst us, and we use them for entertainment, and it's probably to the detriment of their mental health. And it could end poorly at some point. And probably to the detriment of our physical health at some point. And that is how.

But it's just. Let's call it what it is. It's like when Kirk was like, yeah, this will crash and burn. In his first interview on our show. This will end poorly, and we But it's just Like It's like when Kirk was like Yeah this will crash and burn In his first interview on our show This will end poorly And we know it's coming So I mean

You know That hits big T I said this on Kevin Glantz's show That hits big T He's blind His orbital bone's broken His teeth are knocked out

You know He whipped that thing Can't do it Would probably You know Would be like legal charges if he did hit him you know yeah um yeah oh you'd be there'd be a dude when i have i've told this story before um where uh when i was in high school freshman high school freshman year

high school before i changed schools one of the things that led to my parents being like we should get you the fuck out of that school when someone walked into class and just flicked a nickel at me and it they walked into my physics class. It was some kind of science. Physics, yeah. And they just flicked, did one of those things with a nickel, and it hit me in the eye. And I just dropped like that.

Boom, boom. Like, it was like, bing, boom. Because if you get pushed, like, in the eye hard enough, you go unconscious. It's like when they cut the strings of Pinocchio. And it was like, it scratched my retina and the school was like, you should sue that kid.

Yeah. And my parents were like, he's fucking fine. Like, if he was blind, he's fine. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. And my parents,

honestly, I think that's what pissed my parents off more than the nickel itself. Why they were like, we gotta get my dad to school. It's because the school was like, sue him.

And so they're like, no, he's fine. Shut up, you weirdos. They were like, John's eventually gonna get sued at this place place he's gonna be on the other end soon so let's get the fuck out of here um but that was you know that was over like a scratch retina that healed perfectly um that would have fucked that would be like your face is hamburger meat right that would be you know depending on what it, that's like scar for life type shit. Yeah. Oh, you'd have.

You'd get like a Joker type fucking scar. A disfigurement to the disformity for sure. And I. It is. I'm surprised. Huh? What would you have done in that situation if you were Big T? If I was Big T, I would have acted exactly the same as him.

You would have stayed sitting? Until he came over. Yeah. Then I would have like struck first. I was like, I don't know what's happening. Yes, not because I'm a tough guy. Just after the throw. But because I'd be like, this guy, if he's crazy enough to throw it,

he's crazy enough to walk over here and just, like, punch me. So I'm going to, like – I probably would have waited until he punched me in the dick. I'd have done a scoop. Leg scoop. Leg scoop, yeah. I probably would have punched him in the dick. But, yeah, I don't know whether that was – I'm surprised it's only a month.

I will say that. I'm surprised it's only a month. That is – that was fucking serious. You know, Dave said as much on his show. But, yeah, I don't know. I'm surprised it's only a month. I will say that. I'm surprised it's only a month. That was fucking serious. You know, Dave said as much on his show. He was kind of like, you know, Dave always is open that there's different treatment for different people. He's like, I've known Rico for two presidencies, you know, the whole nine. I think, you know, had it hit him, it would have been a wrap.

It didn't, you know. It's, you know, it's attempted murder instead of regular you know but yeah i always thought that was crazy you know it's like you shoot you shoot a gun at someone and you don't kill them you can't punish someone for murder i get it there has to be what's that mens rea and mens culpa like you know the action and the brain you know you know mens rea mens culpa i i uh no it's like i know mea culpa there needs to be um the You know men's Rhea, men's Culpa? I, no. It's like- I know mea Culpa. There needs to be the, you know, it's almost like it can't be an accident.

Like your men's Rhea, I think is you had the brain, you were choosing to do this and the Culpa I think is the, like it happened, I murdered you. Something like that. I don't know. But like I've always thought,

okay, I understand you can't charge this person for murder because the person's not dead. But he was really, we're going to let him off because he's a bad shot. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, if I fucking try to chop your head off with an axe and I'm not strong enough to do it or something, we're going to let me off the hook just because I'm weaker? You know what I mean? I still was about to chop your head off.

And if we're talking about deterrence and not having it happen again and all that, we should probably just charge you as if it happened. Yeah, he's not in trouble because he's Chuck Knobloch. Yeah. Yeah. It's like if you got the yips and you can't hit me with the fucking can, but one month. I mean, that's – it's also – I don't know how Rico's going to operate.

He can't even – he can't have like an outburst anymore. No, I mean, no, he's got, yeah, that's what he does. He's allowed to yell. He can't, like he can't go at it. He said, he said you can't touch anybody, obviously. You can't like rush at anyone. I don't even think he can do like that. Like anything that is like intimating any sort of physical, you know, can't do it.

So I think Rico's just going to sit there and just. Yeah, he'll bring in a gun soon. Yeah, I was going to say, what's going to happen is this is going to, like we almost should let Rico, we can't let him hit Big T in the face. We've got to start just like fucking Dave and everyone who works for Rico, they work on certain days, everyone else who works on different days. Or different floors. You guys go upstairs.

We have key codes. That's the way it goes. The gambling world is too much of a pressure cooker. It's too much for them. So we got to figure something out where we can let Rico let some of the air out of his tires so it's not going to fucking explode, you know? One day, you know what we should do? I was going to say we should, we should encourage him to shoot up the place

and then nobody come in that day. So he gets it out of his system and then he's like, oh my god, I can't believe I was going to do that. Oh, nobody was here today. I was going to say gun rage in the office, but that works too. No, you can't have that. Well, a gun can't come out of the gun range like a classic gun rage. I've never been to a gun range.

I imagine that's how they work. I just never get in gun rages. You don't bank on. You just hope that nobody turns around and just shoots the person next to them. Yeah, fingers crossed. Got plenty of good guys with a gun there, though. Yeah, exactly.

I think they're here. I got an open challenge for all the stoolies out there. Every night when I wrap up for the day, whether I'm putting the kids to bed or I'm finishing up a long day of recording, it's time to whistle pig. Wait, nope, that wasn't. That was a terrible pig. Yeah, that was.

This man can't wink. That's my gag reflex. How can you snore as loud as you do but you can't Just say wink, wink, wink. Like this. So every night, I either pour a few fingers of the whistleback rye or I pop open a can of the piggybacks.

Piggybacks are the canned seltzer drinks. This is the new one I'm having this session. Citrus mint. And the fresh ginger lime. Whistleback, could you get us the raspberry? Because the raspberry is the one I'm having this session. Citrus mint. And the fresh ginger lime. Could you get us the raspberry? Because the raspberry is the one I'm really looking forward to drinking. I'm going to throw out a word to you right now. You're going to call it delectable?

Effervescent. Effervescent. Man, I thought I was going to nail it with delectable. I would have been so sick. It is delectably effervescent. It's got the mint and the citrus and the bubbles and the whiskey. It's just effervescence coming out of this can. Because effervescence means freshness. Yeah.

Effervescence doesn't mean bubbles. It means fresh bubbles. Oh, I love it. And so that's how I end my night. And I open it up to Instagram and I say, why do you whistle pig? And I get a lot of answers of people explaining why they do it. A lot of people saying, just because you do. People said, because John Feidelberg and Kevin Clancy do.

That's why I was a favorite. That's very nice of them. I said, at advertisers. This is why. We say to drink it, people listen. Also said because John Feidelberg and Kevin Clancy do. That's why I was a favorite. That's very nice of them. I said, at advertisers. This is why. We say to drink it, people listen. But because it's also about us. We are going next week. And I can't wait. To their distillery or whatever

it's called. Up in Stepping Stone, Vermont. But if you want to, it's an open challenge. And you gotta be honest. Honor code here. The best reason why you whistle pig. The hardest day you had, what your kids did, what your work did, what your boss said to you. You can't go out here lying and making things up, and we will send you some merch. I don't know what it is yet because we're not allowed to do an alcohol contest.

I wanted to send you a case of piggybacks. Maybe I'll just do it myself. Nobody can stop me. But follow along on KFC Radio or at KFC Barstool and we put out the challenge. Why do you whistle pig? Let us know why you crack a piggyback at the end of the night or why you pour a few fingers

of the rye. It also means you got to go get it by the way. If you're lucky enough, you can get the piggybacks in store in Vermont and a couple spots in the Northeast. Also down in like Georgia and Tennessee. It's a very strange kind of couple places. They're coming soon to New Jersey and New York and whatnot. But you can order these off the internet at piggybackrysmash.com.

And you can have a couple cases of these sent to your house. And you can take a picture of yourself drinking it and explain why you whistle pig. And whoever has the best story there will get themselves some piggyback merch or some KC Radio merch or maybe some piggybacks themselves. In the meantime, get your whistle pig. Get the rye whiskey. They got the 6-year, the 12-year, and the 15-year, I believe it is. It's some of the best whiskey on the market, man. Genuinely is. They don't – Whistlepig – no one fucking tell Whistlepig this.

Whistlepig is way above us. No, they know it. They know it. They are slumming it. They know they're slumming it. They know that they're like, we're going to sell these party cocktails, and we're going to get to the guys who are more on that level. And which scumbags can we find?

Found the best ones. But really, I mean, I'm getting like Francis hit me up and was like, how did you pull this off? I was talking to Chito Santino, Andrew Santino, because he's always drinking whiskey about where he ranks Whistlepig. He ranks it up there with all his other high-quality whiskeys. It's crazy that they're in bed with us. So drink your Whistlepig. He ranks it up there with all his other high-quality whiskeys. It's crazy that they're in bed with us. So drink your Whistlepig.

Follow along on Instagram. Tweet pictures. Post pictures. Let us know why you Whistlepig, and we'll return the favor. Federal Boy gets crazier looking as the beard grows in. I got a good argument. You look like you'd be riding a horse over Tora Bora right now What's Tora Bora?

I don't know Afghanistan I mean who goes specific cities in Afghanistan? Just say Afghanistan The famous battle, what the hell? Dude I thought it was in like Tahiti or something I thought it was somewhere exotic Yeah me too

White sand, fucking clear water. You're at a sandal somewhere? Okay, you're good. Zora Bora. Ooh, you got that new money, huh? That's what I thought. In one of those huts out in the water, you can see the sharks and shit. Those things are tight.

You want to go to those? We'll get into it. Hang on. Hell yeah. You are you garbage boys are back in the building after a little we had it on the books and we had to reschedule because of COVID. We almost had to reschedule this one. We got them here. The place is hot.

Yeah, in many more ways than one. It's like Wuhan in here, dude. The clock is hot. This place is dicey. Would you like some feta? It's like Tora Bora. We should put Foley in the elevator. Putting Vermectin in the bagels. Trying to keep everybody going.

Are you calling it Vermectin? Oh, man. Well, we are, this is about as garbage as it gets. We're just, me and Feister's eating a loaf of Italian bread while our guests come in. That's why. You walked in with a handful of bread of Italian bread while our guests come in. That's why. You walked in with a handful of bread. I worked on a big one.

That's crazy. How common is that, though? How often? Because that was always my thing about working for a company. What's the bread situation over there? Listen, I'll do it, but I need three loaves an hour.

And that's non-negotiable. Can you handle rye? What's the situation? No, the lunch situation. Is that constant? Is there always goodies here? I would say like once a week. There's always goodies.

Yeah. Lunch, we have a snack. Flat out lunch? No, I think once a week is too much. So what was this? Honestly, someone bought too much bread. There was probably like three loaves of fucking bread. That's my favorite bread.

In front of an Italian restaurant this morning. When it's hard, you can fucking knock somebody out with it. I know, yeah. It's like a club. Have we offered any to the guests? No. Well, I'm not going to eat your hand bread. I brought some ice, too, and then I put my paws in it,

and Pauly was like, well, now I'm not using that. He tried to hand us an ice cube with his hand in the middle of a pandemic. I did it for myself, but then pussy's over here. The paper cups are something. You know what? You don't have a bottle? You guys are like a media conglomerate. You don't have bottles of water?

No, here's what happens. We get an obscene amount shipped to us. Like, kill all the tortoises and all the animals in the ocean because there's plastic fucking everywhere. And we drink that dry. That's a hard point. It's a huge wall of it and it's gone in like a week.

And then whenever we run out, I think we have to make it the first of the month. I don't know. I think it's every two weeks. Is it? And then This stinks. What are you talking about? Which toilet is this from?

People get mad at me when I say this. I'm like, no, I use water bottles. They're like, dude, just get it from the sink in a paper cup. I'm like, fuck it. I was going to get them the pipe glasses and Jordan said she goes I feel like I'm in a child's birthday party. Lukewarm tap water in a paper cup birthday party it was weird Jordan said to me lukewarm tap water

in a paper cup you can feel the paper fibers going down you come to our studio you get a bottle of water at least this is fucking crazy the dentist gives this to you

he tells you to spit it out this is right after Mr. Thirsty comes in you know what give me those glasses you guys can drink out of a fucking these are dirty

these are dirty it's a cigarette butler Jordan said to me paper cups they'll be better drink out of a fucking little sniff. These are dirty. It's a cigarette bucket. Yeah, we did. Jordan said to me, paper cups, they'll be better. And I just went with it.

No, no. It's amazing how much I'll just go with. New York's a standard ground state. If anybody says anything, I'm just like, okay, yeah. Yeah, man.

Yeah, yeah. Jordan tells me, all right, she's the paper cup queen. I don't know. Paper cups are better? You tell me, girl. Whatever.

But yeah, pretty much still garbage. You smell? You look like you smell. I had the smelliest Uber driver ever. Oh, you think it stuck with you? One of those deals? You bring it?

It was a throwback. It was something from the 90s. That is kind of gone now. The dude pulled up in a town car. That's when you know it's bad. Beat the fuck up. Black car? Oh, dude.

Yeah, the whole nine yards. Like one of those gypsy cabs? That's when you know it's bad. Beat the fuck up. Black car? Oh, dude, yeah. Like one of those gypsy cabs? I remember almost getting in a fight in a gypsy cab when I was in high school. My buddy lived in New York, so we came down to stay with him once. We went to a party in, like, fucking, I don't know, Brooklyn. Took a gypsy cab back. Fucking, I remember him on, we were on the, what's the other highway? Henry Hudson and the what?

Eastside. Yeah, Eastside. Cruising up the FDR and the what? Eastside. Yeah, Eastside. FDR. Cruising up the FDR. I can see the picture. Dude, and like. Asking if you can smoke in the back and stuff. I'm sure you guys are real, I'm sure you're a real polite gentleman the whole way. Dude, he was like screaming.

He's like in New York City, like raised, born and raised in New York City. He's like, what the fuck are you doing on the FDR? We're 16 years old. He was skinny as a fucking twig. I'm like, this dude is going to get in a fist fight with a driver on a highway. That was back then. They would fight you, too, back in the day. Before, like, cell phones and shit and computers.

They'd beat the shit out of you. As much as we're talking shit, gypsy cabs have saved my life many a time. Oh, I do gypsy cabs. I do gypsy cabs in the Highland. And nobody else was around, and all of a sudden some guy finds you, and he fucks you up the ass with $80. $80. They always start at $80.

And if you're lucky, you get it down to $60, and that's still $30 too much. And then, you know, what we always used to do, I needed to get back to Pelham, which is like one of the first suburbs of Westchester. And if you tell them Westchester, they're out. But there's Pelham Bay in the Bronx. So I can be like, we're going to the Bronx. And they're like, okay, we can do that. And then they say, where?

Once we start getting there, I'm like, I'll take this exit towards Pelham Bay. And then they just kind of keep going. Like, wait, that was the exit for Pelham Bay. I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's the next part of Pelham Bay. It's quicker if you go to Westchester. It's right past Connecticut. Keep going. There was always a moment where they would be like,

we're going to Westchester. I'm like, ah. But no matter what those guys cost, they were like angels. Middle of the night, south end of an eight ball, you're in the warehouse district. Dude, that's like a medevac chopper in Nam coming to get you. Take my money. just get me home. Get me home tonight, night.

I swear to God, anybody who's ever charged me $60, like I said, you can maybe negotiate it down to if they charge you $80, you can maybe negotiate it down to $60 but if they wanted to charge me $120, I'd probably do it. Yeah, you have to. Otherwise, I'm stuck at Giant Stadium for the next five hours. I gotta get the fuck out of here.

Those guys, they're gone, right? Giant Stadium, I do them all the time. No, I took one from Giant Stadium. Really? When we went to the Jets game, that was what? When Sam Donald saw ghosts. That game, I took a jiffy cab home from that game. Because, I mean, the yellow cab kind of got smoked by the Uber.

You don't feel great about yourself in one. You don't. You feel like you're on your way to a YMCA to put something in a locker and leave the key with somebody else. Yeah, it's a bad luck. Dude, do you know what I love about them? The time I took one before that was in Columbia. Fucking moron.

This is actually a great story with the phone. Yeah. It was. Dude, it was. Hello, sir. I'm going to the bank, please. Where can I withdraw cash? Is it possible to take local routes to see the country? Can you put I'm going to the bank, please. Where can I withdraw cash? Is it possible to take local routes to see the country?

Can you hold my cash bag in the front, please? Can you put your cash in the glove box for me? I had texted a friend being like, I was going to stay with her, and I had texted her being like, hey, flight will take off. What's the address? And then she texted me the address, and I was like, okay, so are you meeting me at the airport or whatever? And then the plane took off.

And then when you land in the new country, it takes a little while for the phone to switch over. Sure. So by the time I got outside, someone had been like, you need a ride? And I was like, fuck yeah, I need a ride. Perfect. And I get in the car, and then the texts start coming in before I leave the airport. Whatever you do, don't get in that guy's car. Whatever you do, don't get in a gypsy cab.

Make sure you wait in the taxi line. I look out the window. It's a little bit raining. It's not downp't get in a gypsy cab. Make sure you wait in a taxi line. I look out the window. It's a little bit raining. Not downpour, but a little bit raining. So through a rain-soaked window, I look out and I'm going to see the taxi line. I was like, that's not where I got in this guy's car. And I don't speak Spanish well enough to be like, never mind, let me out.

So I was like, alright, let's just see what happens. And it's also funny you said 8-ball earlier because as he's letting me out of the car, he's like, you need Coke? I was like, oh, this is perfect. He was incredibly polite. It was perfect. It was one of those, like, I'll see what happens. I don't speak Spanish well enough to ask if you'd not kill me,

so we're just going to see what happens. Well, that's also not a language barrier. That's your apathy coming in. I just don't want to cause a rift right here. I'll let you take me to my death. Just kill me quick, please. That's all I ask. I can't believe you guys all try and haggle with a gypsy cab. Whatever you say, I'm like, here you go.

Let's fucking do it. That is the one time I'm like, because I just know that they're fucking rats doing it. That is trashy, though. Negotiating in the middle of the night. Yeah, that is garbage. I'll do 80. I'll do 80. You want to do 80? It sounds like we're doing an auction here. I got 75. Things I'll do 80. You want to do 80? It sounds like we're doing an auction here. I got 75.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Things cost what they cost. I'm not a... Yeah, you're right. But that's the thing is I know how much... Like when the mechanic fucks me, I'm like, I don't know how much the carburetor to the fucking this and that. You got to aerate the...

I'm like, same thing with the vet. The vet's like, this is going to cost you 700 bucks because I gave him this shot and that shot. I'm like, okay. But I know that a car from here to there shouldn't be $80. So I feel like something kicks in where I'm like, all right, I'm going to at least get $20 out of them. But, man, you know what I love? The little ashtrays in the door handle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, mama. Those town cars still have those. The leather was like extra slippery, like plastic. You could slide. When they were nice, they were nice. But after 7,000 proms and 800

corporate dinners... Can I say something real quick before you say that? Why do you have so much glitter on your face? Something is happening to me. I didn't see when I was sitting in that chair. Now that I'm sitting in this chair. So this happened to me.

Something is happening to me. The music takes me over. You wouldn't like me when I'm glittery. People have been pointing this out to me and I must be like something of Shay's is in my clothes or something. I put all our laundry together So she has a little sparkly shit. I don't see it. I don't know what it is, but I keep getting told yeah It's also I was at the strip club for lunch

Trip clubs, you know universally the most garbage place in the world I feel like that's a probably a a what do they say a font of fucking material for you guys? Yes, there's no real classy strip club. You can paint it and put the nice thing. I mean, there is classy strip clubs. But it's a strip club at the end of the day. Relatively speaking.

You can't have fucking bare exposure in Atlantic City that's not classy. I've been thrown out of there. It takes a lot. When you go with a group of guys for a bachelor party, it's like somebody's go with a group of guys for like a bachelor party or you're out. It's like somebody's going to overstep the line at some point. And you're going to be asked to, you know, not so politely to leave.

Dude, I'm one of the guys they try and trap me in there. They're like, this dude. Sucker. Is going to fall. I am the biggest sucker. Dude, I'm pretty. I fall in love. The cab driver in fucking Columbia had you.

Are you kidding me? I married that guy, too. Your picture's circulating around everywhere in that world. Dude, I went out to our bachelor party in New Orleans. We went to a strip club, and there was like 14 of us or whatever. And I did the strip clubs a lot when I was in my early 20s. We went all every... I feel like everyone...

Once you hit mid-20s, it gets a little hard. I'm over this. You're talking New York City local ones? No, Philly. Oh, Philly. Like Delilah's and the fucking penthouse and shit. Over 35, you shouldn't be in there. No.

It gets okay back in the 60s. What's the one that Drake rapped about? Tootsies or something like that? Oh, Tootsies, but that's like an after-hours club. Yeah, that's like a lounge type thing. I think I've never been invited, so I don't know. I don't think that's your kind. Wait, Tootsies?

You're talking about the Drake song? Yeah. This bozo's never been there. No. Who do you think he is, Meek Mill? What are you talking about? This kid's at the diner with his buddies by 1230. Strikeout City. He's going to split the check.

Tootsies. I like how you played it, though. I would have been like, yeah, I've been to Tootsies a couple times. I only know what it is because of the Drake song. But, we were in New Orleans. Drake and Kev were getting backrugged. Do you guys live with the roots? We roll in like 14 deep and it's like, you know, pretty, you know, the extracurricular activities are flying around.

Everybody's fucking charged up. Drugs. They're doing drugs. And I'm like just hanging back. I'm like, I'm over this. I don't fall for the allure anymore. So I'm just like sitting in the back. You've got a cup of coffee. You're real shady. A cup of coffee and a grapefruit.

She's like, oh, you know, how about this or what do you do? And I'm trying to get me. And I'm like, listen, save your time. First of all, I have about $40 in my account. This is a dead end. I'm like, listen, all those guys are willing to give it. Go talk to them. You're really wasting your time.

She's like, no, no, no, I just like talking to you. I'm like, okay, you know, and we're like talking. She's like, you know what? You seem like way smarter than the rest of the guys. I'm like, yeah, you know, I did pretty well on my SATs or whatever. Dude, next thing you know, I'm like fucking overdrafting my credit card and shit. I'm like, I'll be right back. Where's the ATM in here?

It's like, you fucking got me. Dude, she just played to my ego. Dude, she got me. I'm like, what's her number? I want to call her right now. She's like, you don't fall for this. I'm like, nah, nah, nah, I don't. You're too smart to fall for this. What kind of sinker is she fucking up? You're the first guy walking out she really liked me yeah oh my god there was i i i was at a place in new orleans i think it was called lipsticks or something like that that one sounds

about right i don't know it was a bad one yeah you know it was not one of the nice ones it was like i think you could bring in you know your own beers and shit and there was just creatures just creatures on i was just like these are just not even attractive by any standards. Oh, you're talking about the women? Yes. Okay, I was going to find out. I mean, yes, everyone's a creature. I'm sure it wasn't the Kennedys in there. But I mean,

I remember a girl coming up to me, and I just had like a flash of her or Crystal Burgers. The White Castle Burgers. They call them Crystal down there. And I remember being like, no. Get off of me.

And I went and got burgers, and I ate them in the hallway of the fucking hotel we were staying in. And it was great, though, because I got, I think, a 30 rack of them. And I just ate them in the hallway. I think I couldn't get in for some reason. I watched all of them one by one come back from the strip club, like, dejected. Like, I can't believe I was spending money on that, man. I think I couldn't get in for some reason. I watched all of them one by one come back from the strip club, like, dejected. I can't believe I was spending money on that, man.

What was I doing? I was like, you should have been with me this whole time. I gave you a burger for your sorrows. It was amazing. The first one I went to was in Philly. It's called Show and Tell. It's like the epitome of what you think a dirtbag strip club is. Wait, you're talking about the one over the river in Jersey?

No, Show and Tell is on Delaware Ave, like across from the Home Depot and shit. And it's 18 to enter and it's BYOB. So like dudes are rolling in with kegs. Dude, I never knew that. Like fucking full-blown crazy. A keg? What do you mean? You never do what? No, like when we were doing like the Blackout Tour and we'd go to like

different frats in like the Midwest and stuff like that, they'd be like, we're gonna get the strip club tonight, bring a keg. And I was like, you're gonna do what? Like a stolly? Yeah, dude, like wheeling in a fucking keg. He's got the beer guy with him. I double-packed that front. Yeah, Bud Light truck pulls up. It's great. Well, it's BYOB. And they're like kids, right?

Yeah, so it's all 18-year-olds. And like one guy's gotta have an ID that says he's 21 to bring the beer in. And then once you're in there... I'm gonna drink this keg. No one else is drinking. I have a thing that the keg is, would you guys agree on this? The keg has run its course. Unless you're in college getting fucked up. That's the only time I ever use the keg.

So you've never seen a keg at a family party or anything like that? He's high class, man. It's 2022, and Movement is back on board with KFC Radio once again. They just never quit that. We're going to, this is like the longest relationship I've ever had is KFC radio with movement watches. It's unbelievable.

It spans three offices, right? This is HQ three. It spans. It's back in Millen, multiple presidencies, multiple offices. I think MVMT was real doing rundowns on a random ads.

I know. I think I went from a single man to a married man, moved to the suburbs, had kids, got divorced, sold the house, and moved back into the city, back to Mount Vernon. And that whole time, movement's been around. I mean, they're around. They're going to bury me, man. They're going to have a movement watch on my wrist when they put me in the casket. That was way too long. They've got – the main thing they've got right now, they doing it all i mean they started with the watches they have some watches now that are so fucking like high quality looking like they

are like they look like fucking rolexes man they look like i mean they have some sleek awesome watches that's of course the og that they have really fancy looking ever scroll glasses. I got a new pair of them. The blue light filtering glasses are coming my way since you've sat on mine. You left them on a chair! Who doesn't check where they sit? Where you fall in the toilet bowl?

That chair is too low. I don't check low chairs. Low chairs are truss falls. Low chairs are like, hello! But they also have new, they have jewelry. They have bracelets. They have chains with these male, it's much more male oriented, but they have these kind of chains and bracelets that have these, I don't even know how to describe it, but it's jewelry that is very sleek and looks good for men.

The sunglasses, the regular glasses, the jewelry, the watches, all of it. And all of it's at an affordable price. And right now, when you go to MVMT.com slash KFC, you get 15% off, plus free shipping and free returns, as always. I don't even know why I went to check it, because it's been the same thing for a decade. MVMT.com slash KFC, 15% off, plus free shipping and free returns. How about this? How about this? I was lambasted for this the other day.

You pull up to, and this is old school. The reason I brought this story up was because. Party ball? What are we getting into? No, no, no. This is something totally different. This is totally different. This is going to make fun of Holly Feidelberg and her fake bougie ways.

Back in the day, you roll up to your buddy's house to pick him up. You honk the horn so he comes out. Okay. What are your thoughts on that? I didn't grow up in a honking era. It was texting. Because your family's bougie too. Oh, yeah.

It was texting. Yo, I'm leaving my house now. So that's why I brought it up. I'll be there in five minutes. What's the specific situation? So this happened the other day because I left my kid's stuffed animal at my parents' house when I was visiting. So I had to turn back around, and my dad texted me and said, just honk when you're there, and I'll come out and do it. Come out and bring you the teddy bear.

Yes. And I honked, and my daughter was like, what are you doing? And I was like, wow, the world of honking is dead because you just text now. Sure. But I said that, you know, I was explaining it. You know, you pick up your buddy and you say, I'll be there at 5, so right around 5 you hear a couple honks. You know it's time to come outside. He was like, ah! Garbage!

You're a trash person! Never, ever, ever! I understand. Yeah, I see where he's coming from. See, that's why I asked this specific situation. That's different. You're not picking your buddy up to go bowling or something like that. It's not the first... You're not picking your buddy up to go bowling or something like that. You're picking up your buddy to go bowling. You're fucking starting out pretty

trash to begin with. The bookstore. We were about to hit the lanes, dude. I'm defending you. You shouldn't have to go back in if it's the second time you've been there. Your dad's doing you a favor. Ah, shit, we forgot this. Run out and meet me.

That's different. But the act of honking is no problem? No. These guys are like, don't honk. Give a little toot toot. I see where Feidelberg's coming from. Well, I don't like to agree with him. Honk, honk. A toot toot.

My mom would be like, what am I, an animal? I can see how it would be offensive. It's a fucking pitfall. I would take offense, yeah. You would take offense? Not, I can see. In that situation? You would be offended? He's already been there. Not, I can see. In that situation? You would be offended?

He's already been there. Hey, I forgot something. What am I going to get out of the car, turn it off? I got the kid in the back. I don't know. Why is she busting your balls, by the way, too? It's her teddy bear we're getting. That's what I said.

I would have told her to zip it. This is how it progressed. She said, why are you honking? And I said, oh, so Grandpa will come out. And she goes, how did he hear it? And I was like, it's actually loud enough that he could hear it from the inside. She goes, how did he know it was our car making the honk? And I was like, you want the fucking bear or not?

Holy shit. I mean, be quiet back there. Wow, they're so far that removed from that shit. We're like dinosaurs. Yeah, I know. It is nuts. How do they know if it's your car? That's a pretty smart kid.

I look back, there's got her eyepatch swiping, zooming. It's nuts. She's probably a Bitcoin in the back. She's mining. Father, get the teddy bear. She's buying Shea coins and Keegan crypto and shit. Anyway, the strip club shit. Yeah, the strip club, I feel like, you do kind of graduate out of it.

But to show how trashy. Hopefully, if not, you're that dude. You're that dude. You're that dude. My buddy was a bouncer at one for a while when he was in his late 20s. And, dude, he would tell you about the scene in there in a small town on a Wednesday night. It's just dudes. It's like five or six dudes getting fleeced.

Yeah. Just fleeced. How many times do you think on, like, and I guess your buddy could probably give us a better answer on this. Like, how many times do you think in his life he threw out a dude with a hard dick? Probably a lot. He's tussling with a hard dick. I don't know, but I like where your head's at. As a strip club bouncer. KFC after dark.

And what happens in the parking lot? How many times do you think you fought a man with an erection? I honestly don't think it's that. I remember I'm telling there were a lot of dudes that wanted to get kicked and stuff like that. Oh, weird shit. But a lot of dudes just wanted to sit there and talk to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this one girl had this guy so bad that she was studying for a real estate exam,

and she got it to the point where the guy had used up all his money, so she helped him refinance his house to keep the juice rolling. Yeah. I love it. I love the long con. There's paperwork involved in that? That's a lot. You've got to have a bank sign-off on that.

She's doing day hours on it. That's great. She's earning that commission. She's waking up with a pot of coffee like, all right, let's get this refined up. All right, let me fuck over Barry. She's a go-getter, brother. I don't mind that. If that idiot's stupid enough to give them her fucking...

That's crazy. It's not that they're stupid. They're sad and they're lonely. I know, but at some point you walk out of there and you get hit with daylight and you go like, Oh, fuck. What the fuck am I doing here? There's a clear divide between plenty of people are sad and lonely. You also got to be stupid.

Yeah. I'm very sad and lonely. I would never sign over a fucking hat. I was trying to help the guy out, but fair enough. And it was me, by the way, Dick. And it was my parents' house. Goddamn Patty. And I was sad and lonely.

Sad and lonely is there, no doubt, but you need to sprinkle in extra ingredients. Yeah, yeah. And yes, I went out for my bachelor party. It was very impromptu. We were at a family party, and everybody's like, oh, fuck, Kevin's getting married. It's all good. It was like their excuse to go out. So we went out.

We get all fucked up. We go to the bar, and then we end up, obviously, at a strip club. With family, that's no bueno. It's cousins and stuff, which is the first time we're doing this when we're commingling. Sometimes we're getting a little chubbed up. In situations like that, you could see somebody in an awkwardling. Sometimes we're getting a little chubbed up. In situations like that, you could see somebody in an awkward spot. There was a couple like, we're not going to talk about this at Thanksgiving.

This never happened. I'm so over it. Somebody was like, bought me a lap dance or something, which I'm like, at this point dude, it's like fucking pushing 2am. I'm like 100 drinks deep and she's grinding on me and I'm like, at this point, dude, it's like fucking pushing 2 a.m. I'm like 100 drinks deep, and she's like grinding on me, and I'm like,

she's like trying to find my penis, and I'm like, I'm like, you can hit it with a blowtorch right now, and I wouldn't feel it. Like, this thing is dead. I got it. I got it. I'm like, there's no chance of this thing getting harder and is retreated in, and you need to pull it out. Oh, yeah. Here's what you do when I'm in that state

when I'm, it's the 2 to 4 a.m. shift. The graveyard shift can be ugly. I spread my knees as wide as possible to tighten the jeans up. So it's like you can't even feel my soft. That's what she was doing. She was looking for it. I'm like, lady, give up. Sorry, pants are new.

I don't want her to feel how little my soft dick is. I don't want to hear how little my hard dick is. That's even worse. I'm going to start wearing a cup. Those files are closed. I'm going to put on a jockstrap and wear a cup to the strip club. You ain't touching this thing. It's not a bad idea.

Having a fucking patented move in the strip club is real fucking shit, though. I'll admit that. That's a fucking. That is something. And I've always thought there's a few garbage lines. You know, we've talked about this before on the show. The beauty of it is that everybody's a little bit garbage. Sometimes you even want to be garbage.

That's where the fun is. That's where life is. Sure. You know? But there's a few garbage lines, like, you really don't want to cross. And one of mine, a personal one, is, like, I am never am never doing like steak in the strip club, the buffet in the strip club. There's a one that Flash Dancers here has sushi.

Sushi's a little much, but I won't say no to a steak. I've had a steak in a strip club. I like how you're patting yourself on the back for that. That's where I draw my line. Complete despair. Maybe an appetizer, alright? If they got the cheesesteak egg rolls, I'll have one.

But I'm not dipping it in nothing. I'm not dipping it in. I'm not using their aioli. I'll pay that right now. Realize that. You guys will hit the buffet in the strip club? Never. I had gone.

It was with a work event before I started doing comedy. He took us out for steak, strippers, and whatever. It was tough. It was like a Sunday night down by the airport in Philly. It was bad. Yeah, it wasn't great. This is the roofing company? This is the roofing company.

I was trying to avoid that because I just got a message from my previous boss being like, I love all the stuff you've been doing. So I've been trying to avoid driving the Nade. We'll go beep in there. No, it's fine. They weren't interior design, I can tell you that. It wasn't high-end stuff, you know what I mean? It wasn't working for West Elm or anything.

But then I did it up here. We were day drinking all day for another bachelor party, and we went in at like 3, and I'm like, I was seeing like 15. It was like all double vision. I'm like, I got to get some fucking carbs in me or something. So I did it there. That was the buffet. You're sitting there.

I remember they were all up at the stage and they're like, where's Kevin? Yeah, and they turned around, dude. I was just like fucking mulching chicken fingers. It was my fucking job, dude. It is funny that I draw the line there, but when I do go, I don't get the lap dances. I do have them rub my back, though.

I wouldn't mind that. Rub your back. Yeah, you're going to get the lap dance? I clean my car, too. What are you, Kim Jong-un? You're getting back rubs? You know what's even better? You know how they do it?

You go AC Slater. You turn your seat around. You sit backwards, and that's how they rub it. So you're sitting there like AC holding the thing, just getting rubbed. I don't mind that. That's all right. That's better than a fucking lap dance. It is.

I'm getting my knots out. I don't have to go anywhere. I'm still sitting with the boys. I'm chit-chatting while they're rubbing. Here's a boss move. I dance. It is. I'm getting my knots out. I don't have to go anywhere. I'm still sitting with the boys. I'm chit-chatting while they're rubbing. That's a boss move. I'll give you that. I'm chit-chatting. I know.

Like you're a crime boss or something. You're something like Boba Fett. Listen, I had a buddy at Centerfolds do it once for so long. You know this buddy. He's tall, is the hint. And he did it for so long that she ran out of lotion. Wait, wait, wait. He was getting shirtless?

It was a button down. It was only his right shoulder. It's so bad, I don't do it. What, so what, he got a sports injury? He wasn't shirtless. Yeah, she's fucking stupid. Wait, was there just a hot dog in there? Some guy sitting with hot stones on his back?

Oh, no, they were, no, she was skin to skin. She had lotion. It was like, he just kept holding back like 20 bucks, being like, keep it coming, keep it coming, keep it coming. Yeah, they were, no, she was skin to skin. She was, she had lotion. It was like, he was like, he just kept, like, holding back, like, 20 bucks, being like, keep it coming, keep it coming, keep it coming. Yeah, I mean, that's what I did. And she was like, I'm out of lotion. I need to go get more lotion. Jeez.

So did he just, like, kind of, like, pop one off? I don't remember clearly. If you're shirtless in a strip club, that's a bad one. No, he wasn't, he was, I would have remembered completely shirtless. But we were sitting at a bar. He wasn't A.C. Slater. He was sitting on a bar stool. And we were, like were sitting at a bar. He wasn't AC Slater. He was sitting on a bar stool and we were like sitting at a bar

upstairs at Centerfolds in Boston and it was, I don't, it must have been under like a button down or something like that. I don't know, but he wasn't shirtless. There was no way he was shirtless.

As we're talking through it, I'm like, I'm not a strip club guy, but God damn it. They're just ridiculous. Anyway, you guys want to go hit Rick's? Yeah.

What are you guys doing after this? Let's wrap this up early. Fuck answer the internet. Let's go get a fucking T-bone. I would no joke do it right now if you guys want to go. I'm throwing it on the table. I would go. Let's take a look at the lunch menu, see what they're serving.

We'll call them. I'll let them know we're on our way. Dude, we can put it on our company card if you want. It's a fucking write-off. Hey, you guys doing a soup and sandwich today? What's the deal? The most egregious thing I've ever seen, probably maybe in my life,

happened at the first time I went to a show and tell strip club. Walk in. We don't know what this is. Like, they're rolling the kegs in. You walk in through, like, a sex store. We don't know what. We're trying to wrap our heads around this. And it's Philly.

This is, like, real dirtbag Philly shit. the sex store never had somebody working there that made you feel comfortable about browsing around i just want to say that yeah i felt like i was being it was real like carry up and buy yeah but try to enjoy myself they bring out uh they're having like a sex show on the stage like you know uh two two two female dancers and... Actors. Yeah, actresses. This woman from the crowd gets pulled up on stage. And

Hot Fudge is now introduced to the scene. Is that a rapper? Yeah, him and Drake. Bring out Hot Fudge! And they pour it in the stripper's vagina. I don't know. Is this a clean show?

She pours it in her pussy, and the woman from the crowd starts eating it out on stage. And the place goes bananas. She had to be a plant. No, because the guy's going. They were working together. That's what I thought. And the guy goes, that's my fucking girlfriend. He's in on it, too.

And everybody was like, what the fuck? No, they left him like a Corolla. I didn't say it was profitable. Not even a Camry. It was a fucking scene, dude. Yeah, it was tough. I've never really done. I was hard, but just for the record.

Dude, eating fucking hot chocolate or hot fudge out of a pussy has got to be a fucking mess. It was like out of a jar. It wasn't like squirt. It was like jar. It was like hot fudge.

Yeah, it was like... I don't know what it was. Like the Smucker's hot fudge? That stuff's awesome. I think it was Smucker's hot fudge. I don't think they imported it from Switzerland. It was fucking show and tell. Probably lint.

The only way to warm it up is you got to put it in water on the hot stove. I think they warmed it up a different way this time. That's tough, dude. They got it in the microwave right off stage. Hurry up. The dildo show's almost done. Did you see the story about the... Peanut butter.

I just posted it speaking of putting things in your pussy. The Drake story with the stripper. The hot sauce? Yeah. Did he do it before or after? I don't read. Before what? Did he do it before sex or after?

Ooh. Interesting question. I don't know. I never saw that. I always assumed after. I think the idea. That's what I assumed. First of all, this story is not real. Jesus Christ.

Of course. But as the story goes, I was taking it. He came in the condom, goes to the bathroom, takes it off, pours it in there so it kills it. Can't pull whatever.

I'm fine with that. And then she poured it in and it was hot. Dude, a bottle of hot sauce is what, $3.50? What's a kid gonna cost that guy? Fucking $50 million over the next 20 years?

Millions, dude. I'm also thinking, though, at that point, you know, I don't know, fucking pour it down the sink. Get rid of that shit. It's got to be so

cool to be at the baby trapping level. To be such a baller. I disagree. Don't get me wrong, it's not cool because these people are trying to fucking manipulate you for millions of dollars. I don't even like having it now.

I'm not having it now. It would be a fucking sin. I'm ahead of the game. Good luck getting me. I'd start fucking dudes. Right? Anal only. Guy or girl.

I don't know, but it's not going in there. I just can't imagine being like, people are going to try to exploit me and fucking steal my DNA. I mean, that's like, you are baller. I got to put hot sauce in my cup. Just keep me keeping a bottle of Cholula in the bathroom. What's this boy? Squirting lemons in there. I guess why not just like dump it out or flush it or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. But well, it's not as a fucking story. Storrow. He probably asked somebody. He probably talked to some scientist or something like that. He's got the cash. He's got guys on the payroll.

He's got a cum scientist. Yeah, he's got a personal cum scientist. Now, you can use crystal, but, you know, sometimes it's ineffective. Me, personally, I use Tabasco. The green stuff.

Green stuff, no kids. Do you think that Bezos has any garbage left in him? I think that dude lives in a world where it's like I can't even comprehend

the world that guy lives in. As we've learned, no matter what money I make, I'm going to like an above-ground pool. I just do. But is there a level where you've been so rich for so long, and we're talking so rich, that you don't even do anything that's even a little? But he made that jump pretty quick. He wasn't born rich, right? No, he was born pretty good.

He was born up the middle class No, he was born pretty good. He was born, like, upper middle class. That's how Amazon got it. They gave him, like, a $250,000 loan. So they had $250,000 to throw around. That's all right. That's all right, Rich. You got $250,000 to throw away to your kid. I think I'm going to give you an upper class tag.

Will you? I wasn't getting a $250,000 head start. Yeah, no shit. Don't forget taxes. I'm doing a $50,000 deal start. No shit. Don't forget taxes. I'm doing a $50,000. I'm still in the hole over there. My parents are probably like, you want to fucking add it up? We can add up the numbers here.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Oh, if they ever pulled my card. Yikes. That's what I was just talking about. Now that we do have a little bit of cash, I'm trying to pay back. There's like six people that have been like, I would hit up and be like, yo, I need $40. And they'd be like, say no more,

Venmo it. I'd be like waiting at the turnstile for the money so I could get on the subway or whatever. And like, I took my one buddy to the Dominican Republic. You know, like we like,

you know, that was like the thing. And then like, I was talking to my brother this weekend and I'm like, yeah, I gotta do something. And he was like,

dude, you couldn't even start to fucking pay me back. Like, what are you, you'd have to send me to the moon to fucking, to even make a dent in this cap. I'm on a blue urgency.

Exactly, yes. Pay for me to star in a movie with Leonardo DiCaprio. Wouldn't even come close. No shit. I used to, back in the day, I used to, my buddy who I live with, we would, like, who would take the hit that month for overdrawing? And then we'd overdraft, and we'd give each other, like, who would take the hit that month for overdrawing? And then we'd overdraft and we'd give each other like a hundred bucks. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But this, I bring that up to, uh, this is actually perfect for you guys. I was going to bring it up on the regular show. I was reading, um, Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain. I just, I just, I listened to it, the audio book.

Okay. So do you remember when he was talking about when he was working at the Rainbow Room in New York? And all the Spanish kitchen workers would, you remember what they would do? Where they would all pool their money every month. And basically everyone lived below their means all the time except for one dude. And that dude got to be rich for the month. And it would just rotate through.

They did that in the, I used to work at a law firm, and they did it there, too. Really? It was like a very, like, we represented, like, billionaires. I never heard of this. And they would do, they would be like, hey, do you want to get, I never heard of it. The guy's like, yeah, man, if you give me 300 bucks today, then, like, in a month, or like, whatever, in five months, you get four grand. Right. Like, what, like.

A lot of cultures do it. Yeah. No shit. I think it's a big Hispanic thing, too, yeah. Wow. I never heard of it. And then, like, one month month you're just balling the fuck out because you get 400 bucks from everybody but how often you have to give it every paycheck or like whatever and then you get it however many whatever the cycle is it's like all of a sudden one month you got like three jihads

yeah and you're just living it you just get like one month you just buy a car yeah whatever i mean it kind of makes sense because you're like, I'd spend that however much. It's probably a little bit like communism, right? We're towing on that line a little bit. Yeah, yeah. I feel it more money. Dispersing the wealth. I feel more like old school Italian neighborhood kind of thing.

Like it's almost with like the numbers and stuff like that. Right, right, right, right. Things the grandmothers did. I wish I lived in that time sometimes. Oh, it'd be awesome. I wish I was doing that in numbers and shit like that. No kidding. Run, get a bagel downtown Brooklyn and play was doing that in numbers and shit like that. No kidding. Run, get a bagel downtown Brooklyn, then play to numbers.

Give me two, four, five, Joey. Run back to the stoop and hang out. I'd play some stickball. Go catch Mickey at the fucking Yankee Stadium. That'd be awesome. About Bezos, I want to say that you say there's never any garbage in him. The one thing I've been thinking, and I say this with the utmost respect, Mr. Bezos. Yeah, I want to say that you say there's never any garbage in him. The one thing I've been thinking and I say this with the utmost respect, Mr. Bezos.

Pull your fucking card. Have me working in a satellite tower in Siberia. Fucking moving packages. And I'm happy for him. He's got a new lady. Yes. She seems fun.

She's a whore, you could say. I did not say that. She looks like if there was any garbage in them, there's a little bit of it there. And I'm saying that in a good way. She seems fun.

She seems like a little bit of a party girl. There you go. A party girl. If you talk to people for a while,. She's like, there you go, a party girl. That's what I want to say. Yeah, yeah, she's like, if you talk to people for a while, they'd be like, oh, I remember Stephanie in high school. She was a wild card. Yeah, if you run into her old crew, they're like, ah, you got a handful here. Yeah, exactly.

She has a little Fredo's wife in her. I'm going to say that. And I say that in a good way. You know, he got his divorce. He's got his business going. He tightened it up. He looks great. That's the, I think that's the, she's his divorce. He's got his business going. He tightened it up. He looks great. I think that's

she's his Margaritaville. That's tough when you get that. She's dragging him into a fucking Jimmy Buffett concert. When everyone's like, I don't know how you handle this one. And you're like, she's completely normal to me. What the fuck is going on? He gave

her a job. Doesn't she run like Blue Origin? Yeah. I could be completely wrong. This was when he's still married. Am I going to get whacked now? He took his side piece and gave her the job of running his outer space

travel company. She's got to have some kind of background in it, right? Oh, no. I'm glad you said something there. She was a to have some kind of background in it, right? Oh, no. I'm glad you said something. She was a waitress for travel. Find out she was working at Bloomingdale's. She was a fragrance girl. I don't think she was.

Was he the one who kind of... Yeah. His sex leaked because of her brother, right? Yeah. He leaked it. That's garbage. He got a payday, yeah. Which also, you know... I respect it. I don't hate it. I don't respect it.

I understand. Like, dude, if you're poor and your fucking sister is fucking Jeff Bezos, I'd be... But did he release it? He released the pictures. That's a piece of shit move. If you went on a low and said, listen, I could drop this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you go through with doing that, you're a fucking scumbag. Wait till you see what I release on you, big man. Just waiting for that Patreon to get a little bigger. Me and sidelineders. You didn't know, but you sent him morality clothes.

Morality clothes. I'm going to cut you out. Imagine that, though. Your sister's sexts are like, man, I don't want to see any. That's crazy. That's tough. You got to be a real big dirtbag. You know what I think is weird when you get to be that rich?

Is it the lady that he's with now? Yeah, I think so. Damn, so he's got to see that dude at Christmas and shit? I'm sure he's fucking... Hey, Ronnie, remember when you fucking blackmailed me, you fucking prick? How's this? Trying to make the world more efficient and send people to space and I got you on my back?

I can't imagine when you're that rich, like, how many people expect money from you. Maybe, like, you got people who hit you up, but then there's got to be people who are like, because I feel this way. Like, you know, if I knew, if you had like a hundred billion,

I'd be like, you should give me 150 million. Well, here, here's a very trashy thing. It's a drop in the bucket. We're friends. Why don't you just hook me up? Yeah, yeah. But it's like, well, no, it's my fucking money, man. No, I would do that.

I would do that without a doubt. I think I would do. I think I'd be I would I was thinking like you get fifty thousand dollars if you come on my show just you know what I mean like sure dude I was unlimited with like like like NBA players and shit like that where and I was thinking about it I'm at my sad myself and then I was like extrapolating I'm like I would just give like like Steph Curry but here's a game check I get another one tomorrow night right sure yeah it's a drug dealer money I'll make it all back tomorrow yeah a game check. I get another one tomorrow night. Right. Sure. It's like drug dealer money. I'll make it all back tomorrow.

It is. I get another one tomorrow. The PR you get from that is like. What? It's like 300 grand? Something like that. Here, I get another one tomorrow. Here's the thing.

Only trashy people think like that. Yes. And you know you're trashy if, do you have a list? Because I got a list. Are people going to take care of? You got a list? No. If you got a list in your head, if you thought about it.

I have a list of people I take care of. Yeah, who would be getting broken off? Oh, yeah. I don't think that's trash. That's very trash to think that way. That's like playing the lottery. You're like waiting. Like, when my number comes in, I'm getting a gold-plated Lamborghini.

I don't have a list, but my circle is so small that it's just the list. It's like, yeah. I know and hang out with so few. I don't have a list. I just have the list. It's just my people. There's a golden retriever in Connecticut worth $80 million. I love you, Mr. Sparkles. You probably would. Her name's actually Maddie.

Maddie and Maisie are going to get that bankroll. They're going to get that check. Oh, by the way, Maddie does this thing. I was home this weekend. I think I still have the video. My dog does this thing. What do you think of that, by the way, Maddie does this thing. I was home this weekend. I think I still have the video. My dog does this thing.

What do you think of that, by the way? That's pretty sick. I hope I didn't delete it. When I'm petting her belly, she pushes my hand to her pussy. Stop talking about your mother that way. She starts eating up hot fudge. It's crazy.

I did delete it, but I think I can... I think I didn't recently delete it. Where's your dog's pussy? Next to its asshole. I don't know. Where's your dog's dick? I know where my dog's dick is. I don't know where a dog's pussy is.

I don't know, man. I try not to look down there, to be honest with you. It's right down there. They got like a pussy, though? Something. You just said... You described it like it was a deli down the street. By the way, it's not like I thought it was on its back or something, Foley.

Like, oh, I thought it was, you know, the tip of the tail. Look at this video. Watch what she does with her hand. She is kind of moving it down. And then I move it, and then watch. She's like, no, no, no, no, get down there. Get down there, dude. And then I... I'll bring it.

Were you guys drinking or anything? What were you doing? You were asking for it. I know. I bring it back up, and then she fucking brings it. It's like, she just does it nonstop. Yo, that's real weird, dude. Where'd you take it at dinner that night?

That is a horny dog. That's crazy. It's nuts. I'm like, dude, so did you finger her? Maddie, fucking get out of here, dude. You guys going steady or what's happening? You're my dog. It's nuts. I'm like, dude, so did you finger her? Maddie, fucking get out of here, dude. You guys going steady or what's happening? You're my sister. That's gross.

I'm trying to watch the pads game right now. That's one of the more disgusting things we've ever talked about. Look, I'm not fucking my dog. You're sitting there. Okay. You're leaving her a whole bunch of money. I don't know. She's a black man.

Look at what she's doing. She said she'd show the video to the vet. Okay, so I want to remember this earlier. You said travel agency. Kevin's gotten on me before about using a travel agency. I just experienced this with my family. But yeah. We went to a really nice hotel.

When, man? In the 80s? No. We went to a really nice hotel. When, man? The 80s? No! We booked it through a travel agency. My mom's like, I booked it, I talked to the travel agent. I'm like, travel agent? That's crazy. If you don't use a travel agent, you're a buffoon. It's a no-brainer. Dude,

here's the deal. You're saying if you do or if you don't? If you do not. If you do not use a travel agent, you're nuts. It is, I think. If you do not use a travel agent, you're nuts. It is. I think people have this idea of what a travel agent costs with another vacation. A travel agent costs like $200. And they take care of everything? They take care of everything.

They set up your fucking flights, your hotels. They get you shit to do. They get you deals on the hotels. They get you fucking restaurant reservations. It's so cheap and such a no-brainer. And I have heard that they're coming back. It's not the cost. It's that it's trashy. It's not trash. Do you go down to the

office on your lunch break and sit across from you in that desk with that fake picture of Hawaii? I just said that my family has a travel agent they've always used. I just sent her an email. Yeah, it's probably not that anymore, but I am picturing going down to it, I'm some guy hanging on by a thread.

Like excursions or something. And you open it up and it's just, it looks like it's in the city. Smells like cigarettes in there. And there's like a fax machine. They have a desktop computer. Old vending machine. But I've heard that they are on the comeback because people have realized what a pain in the ass it is to do all your own research on fucking shit. Well, I think if you

are, like, you know, I think if you are because I I do, like, I book us when we go on the road. So it's like, fucking, you got three or four people. Imagine, like, you're taking a family of five. Right. It's like travel, fucking airfare, all that shit. You know what I'm realizing? I made fun of this, but I did it for my honeymoon. It just wasn't, like, called, they weren't a travel agent.

You know what I mean? Yeah. It was just like a Greek, you a Greek vacation expert, it said. But I was using it. And they booked it all for me and they had the car waiting to pick us up. It's a lot smoother. But we're also the people who don't

fucking submit our expenses or do any of the easy things in life. So don't expect me to go fucking find the travel agent. The expenses aren't easy. The expenses are, I have to do something. This is, I send one easy. I have to do something. I gotta go find the fucking travel agent. Gotta trust them. I don't know.

I'd like to go to Europe. Here's everything that's happening. What are you going to use them for? What's your next trip? Go to Delaware for the weekend. That's like a Barbados trip. It's very game show. I like to travel. I'm a travel guy.

I have fun experiencing new cultures. You're supposed to go to Europe right when the pandemic hit. Maybe Puerto Vallarta? Have the guys set you up? Tora Mora? Let's set you up with some extracurriculars there. That's how the travel agents make a comeback. Tell you what a score in town. Look for money at the gas station.

Here's how to not get arrested. I think we're going to do Am I the Asshole and some voicemails. But before then, I do want to do something real quick. I want to tell you guys, ask you how trash this is. I don't know if you can see the front of my hair. It's like they're like baby hairs. I'm going to come over to you. This is got to be Agile.

You see all the front of my... All this stuff here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Laying a cigarette on the stove. Just put his face flat down into it. Do you have a gas or an electric stove? Gas? It was fire.

I thought you were going to tell us you were losing it. You think I'm going bald? I had a lobotomy. Welcome back to Is This Crazy? I mean, listen, I've smoked for a very long time. That's, you know, standard. I actually, I see. I get.

The eyebrows are worse. Yeah, I think it's the most classy. Because it's not even. It's not knowing that you weren't supposed to do it. You're so not used to lighting cigarettes on the stove. You're so classy, you didn't realize your hair would burn in the fire. Your whole face is blown up. I call that a little spin.

I did the same thing, blew my eyebrows off. Eyebrows are worse. I was in seventh grade. I was a child. He's an adult. Happens in are worse. I was in seventh grade. I was a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It happens in high school or college, whatever you learn. But if you weren't a dirtbag back then, you didn't know that. What's crazy is you strike me as a guy who has an electric

stove in his apartment. No, you've been in my apartment. I know. I could see an electric stove. Is an electric stove a night? I feel like an electric stove is garbage. Yeah, it's pretty garbage, especially if you have tin foil around the thing. Did you ever see that? That's bad. I see what you're saying there.

Thank you very much. Let me find some. Can you get voice notes ready? Yeah. And I'll find some of the assholes. You sent one yesterday. That'll grow back though, fights. Yeah, but I don't know what to do. That's why I have to wear a hat every day.

I kind of like my hair long right now. You can't tell from here. But it's not noticeable. You can't tell from here, though. It's not noticeable. I can't tell. It's in my own head it is. So it's all I can have. Of course, then it is.

Yeah. If you think it, then it is. An eyelash is tough. Because they stick together. I've burned my eyelashes before. Really? Oh, that's embarrassing. Yeah, it's bad.

Yeah, you fucking get caught on the... Like, lose them together. It's like I'm welded shut. Yeah, it's like someone came on your eye. Listen, at Barstool Sports, we've done it all. We've reinvented ourselves and became so many different types of companies. We started out as a blog. At one point, we were a traveling techno circus.

And then we got into the merchandise and fashion game. And then we get into the alcohol game. Now we are officially into the cosmetics and toiletries game with our new brand, Wood. Barstool Wood. They've got everything. They've got body wash. They've got shampoos and conditioners.

They've got shaving cream, aftershaves. They've got lotions for your skin and your face, lotion for your hand and your body. They've got serions for your skin and your face, lotion for your hand and your body. They've got serums and pomades. I mean, when you see the whole line, it's like a thousand bottles. It's a lot. And it's also made by – we were, I wouldn't say heavily involved, but we were involved in the making of this. Where we would get samples and we would get little smells.

We were testing the scents and the feelings. And when ladies would see me get the sample sent to me, they'd be like, wait, that's made by that company? Mario Badescu is like the company when it comes. I believe it's Marie. No, it's Mario. Are you sure? Yeah.

What? Yeah. It's Mario? It's Mario Badescu. I thought it was Marie. It's not Marie. Okay. I believe. Yeah, you're right. You're right. You're right.

How about you get some class? Yeah. I never heard of Mario Badescu. Thank you very much. Mario Badescu. And if you know the industry, like I do, I'm going to call Marie. Fidelberg does. You know, that is like, I mean, they make.

It's just flat out Mario. I love that you still didn't believe it. I'm still scrolling looking for uh i mean they make like the most high quality cosmetics and makeup for all women i don't even say in mario now i'm fucked up let's go uh but that's why like this is high quality shit one of the things one of the problems we've run into as a as a company is every time we do branch into a new industry people would be like why would I get my clothing from a sports blog? And it's like,

oh, I don't know because we're partnering with a guy who Kanye West partners with for Yeezy. How about that? We find the brilliant people in these fields to do their work and they partner with us. So when Mario Badesky comes around and they're like, we can,

you can use our creams and our soaps and our fragrances and all that, and we just put it in our bottles with our branding, and you put it at a better price point because that's what Barstool does for you, it's like you get the best cosmetics in the game. And it's all from Barstool Sports. It's insanity. And girls, like the face wash is very quality. The face scrub is good. I like the scrub a lot. Oh, the scrub, it takes that top layer of your skin off. It's great.

I'm new to the face wash game, thanks to Marie Badescu. Shout out Marie Badescu. Badescu, ba-doop-a-doop. And I've been glowing. Girls, get it too. It's not just for guys. You can probably get the same level of Mario Badescu stuff

at a better price point. So, go to getwood.com or go to your local CVS. It's going to be in over 9,000 CVSs. We're starting to roll it out now. So it may or may not be in your spot, but will be soon enough. And if you want to get it right now, it's getwood.com, W-O-U-L-D, and everything. All of these items are under $15. You can get everything you need in your bathroom for under $15 each. That's getwood.com.

Check it out. Okay, 36 male. My girlfriend, 26, makes her vagina talk and will not stop. She's amazing, cute, funny, emotionally self-aware, great communication skills, everything I've ever wanted. She's also quirky and dorky, which is new for me, but I enjoy it. After a lifetime of dating, quote-unquote, bad bitches, I will now forever endorse dating dorks, which is new for me, but I enjoy it. After a lifetime of dating quote-unquote bad bitches, I will now forever endorse dating dorks.

Except this one thing. She thinks it's incredibly funny to manipulate her vagina and provide a voice for it. I'll just be minding my own business playing What is that? Is that a video game or something? Vidya? Vidya? Yeah, I don't know. Playing video games, whatever. Yeah, this isn't your first nerd, bro.

And working on my laptop or whatever. And then, boom. Hey, handsome, how was your day? Are you hungry? I bought Cheez-Its. There she is, dress hiked up, no underwear, both hands gripping her vulva a foot from my head and making her lips talk to me in this horrible,

high-pitched, Grover-esque Muppet voice. Bro, I was out on this. Now you're in. I fucking loved it. I came full circle. I am boned up over here. I could see you. You always say you like goofy, fun sex.

Yo. I could see you doing the same thing with your dick. Yeah. I'm like, oh, how are you? I get a fucking nut on each side. Well, hello, Grover. How are you? Feidelberg's writing for us.

We never even fuck. We just have puppet shows. Dude. Just have conversations. I am. Because I'm out on chicks. No, that's weird, man. I'm out on chicks who do like to fuck in.

My schluchla, my hoo-ha. Call your fucking twat like a lady. It's a cunt. But this, for some reason. But if you play with your slippery hoo-ha then i'm down with it that's fucking funny man i think sex gotta stay sexy yeah that makes you try to get goofy with it it's like i'm not gonna ever see that thing as anything other than grover and it's also like if you're playing a video game or whatever like if if you're not in the, I'm like, I'm kind of even semi-charged

or whatever, you just look over and it's just like, a fucking cold, stale vagina just fucking talking to you. The lesson, it's like,

I'm out. You gotta use, like when you're watching porn, right? I don't like when they're like zooming in on everything. I need a wide shot. Yeah.

Give your man the wide shot. I like front row seats. I'm paying for courtside. I like to be backstage. I don't like it. I think if I am playing video games, you're trying to seduce me or whatever, you've got to use your butt, use your tits,

and then we can get a little... But to just go 0-100, I'm going from Call of Duty with the bros to vulva in my face talking. That ain't gonna get the job done. Calling it a vulva like that's... I know. I guess this is not even her trying to seduce, though. This is just like...

See, dude, you always say you want to be with the boys fucking around. That's the boys fucking around. And look... Well, a dick would be funnier than a vagina. I'll be honest. Dicks are inherently funny. I was gonna say, I do this.

Yeah, dicks are inherently funny. Who am I to say no if I'm like fucking doing the Rise of the Valkyrie with my dick? Have you done that before? Of course. Yeah, I pulled it out. Yeah, that was way too sensitive. That's the only part of the song I know, though. And how was that received?

It's a long fucking song. I do the strings and everything. I say this chick, fuck this guy, what you should do, you start going all out with it. Get the makeup on there. Maybe a TikTok account go viral. Maybe paste a couple of little hands on either side. Or the googly eyes.

Do the googly eyes. Put a little hat on top. Really go into the character. I'd start fucking Grover's mouth. Grover gives great head. Who's Grover? My wife's pussy. Have you seen this guy dancing with his knees yet?

I have. It's his latest endeavor. Yeah, I mean, see you guys later. I love it, but it also annoys me for some reason. That's Finalberg. Yeah, yeah, yeah. John Finalberg, nice to meet you. Hand us your business card.

Let me get one more of the asshole. Yeah, that's a little strange to me. The knees. No, the knees I get. The knees are a good time. The talking vagina. The pussy talk. It's also like, do it with the boobs. The boobs are funnier. If you were going for a laugh, you would

workshop from a comedian, you would workshop it and go like, okay, he's not a huge fan of the talking vagina. Let it with the boobs The boobs are funnier If you were going for a laugh You would workshop From a comedian You would workshop it And go like okay He's not a huge fan Of the talking vagina Let me try the boobs The boobs probably have A better fucking response

The boobs are more playful Then that's funny I say she should stick with it Yeah I think I think it would Hit some open mics Everything's cyclical It'll come back in style

It'll start lagging again Couple of rewrites She'll be alright The tits you do have more The goo The goo The goo guys are built in True Come back in style. Start lagging again. A couple of rewrites, she'll be all right. The tits, you do have more of the goo. It's the goo guys are built in. True. That's what I'm saying.

It's just funnier. Yeah. Yeah. They are funnier. I think this is a great one to have you guys on here for. Am I the asshole for being furious with my husband for getting the sublime sun tattooed on his arm? Oh, yeah, man. That is garbage. You know what I'm talking about?

Oh, I know. The only thing is, thank God it wasn't the other way. Married for two years, no kids. I'm 23, he's 25. So we're talking about youngins. They don't even know sublime. That's like, yeah. This is like a crazy thing.

My husband has both of his legs fully tattooed, and he has always said that he'll never tattoo his arms. He got drunk last weekend, and his friend tattooed the Sublime Sun logo on his upper bicep. It's a quality tattoo. The friend is a good tattoo artist. It was his favorite band

in junior high school. He thought it was hilarious in an ironic way. When I woke up the next day and saw it on his arm sleeping to me, I exploded. It's a fucking sublime tattoo.

Like, I can't take him seriously anymore. And honestly, this makes me question his judgment in general that he would take his leg tattoos so seriously, and he's always said he'd never touch his arms. I told him this.

He said I'm overreacting on an asshole for making him feel bad about it. I think he's just regretting it and won't admit it. Now, he might be regretting it. Well, that's not going to make him feel any better. You're busting his balls. What the fuck? He's got his both legs fully done. That's where it switched for me. You're in that world.

It's not crazy. But it sounds like he took that very seriously where it's like it probably has some meaning and it's like a picture that I'm going to have. You can't be in love with all of them. That sublime stunt's pretty cool. When you're 25 and you've already got both legs done, I mean you started when you were like 16.

Yeah, it's like what are we doing? You're in that world. I've said that before and I only have have, I think, seven or eight tattoos. Only eight tattoos. The first one. He only has eight tattoos. About six months ago, he had one. Are you getting them more and more?

I got two recently. No, I've had, I mean, these are like five years old. That one is. It's lying. It's not five years old. What's CRM? It's a three, four. It's a friend who passed away

oh okay they're like well KFC's acting like the girlfriend now no they're not you just got it what was the one and you said you would

never do past the elbow I was shocked how you gonna get a good job John how you gonna get a corporate job that one's new what is that one again

Picasso thing right the once you get one they're all after that I've compared it to losing your virginity once you get one, they're all, after that, I've compared it to losing your virginity

where you get one and like that's supposed to be meaningful and all that shit and then after that you're like, who gives a fuck about it? Yeah,

you realize the bubble, yeah, the bubble's first. Just get Chlamydia, who cares? It doesn't fucking matter at all. Who gives a shit? Who cares if she's fat?

Then you move down to Tampa and let her rip. I would say it's Lying's Five. This one's probably like nine years old. I've gotten more and more recently, but I would say my first one was probably eight years ago. Okay.

I say she shouldn't be busting these chops. You know what the thing is here, too? It's like you can be upset, I get it, but just fucking let it go. There's nothing worse than to wake up. Married two years, that means she was 21, he was 23. This is probably a dirtbag couple from Fort Lauderdale, and you can't be mad about anything that happens here.

Once you got the legs, it's a switch. If you've never had a tattoo and it's just like you got a dumb tattoo, then that's dumb. Even two full legs. That's a lot of ink. That's a lot of tattoo. That's a lot of fucking ink. You know what the scariest thing is is the wake-up fight.

That's traumatic. Yeah, where she's going at you right away. You're in the middle of it. That's fucking. Dude, the wake-up fight. I got a pee. I you right away. You're in the middle of it? That's fucking... Dude, the wake-up fight. I got a pee. I got morning wood. You're yelling at me.

If you're doing wake-up fights, the tattoo ain't the problem. Especially when, like she said, they got drunk. And you wake up and there's a bag packed and some stomping going around. What the fuck, dude? A bag packed? She's got her carry-on luggage. There's a cab out front. Where are you even going, dude? She's on the carry-on luggage. There's a cab out front. Where are you even going, dude?

She's on the phone with a travel agent. I'm on my way to JFK right now. Book me something nice. I need a delivery cab, but I'm not paying over price. I also am a firm believer of, like, if it's... I mean, I guess, let's say he was upset about it. Like, if he thought he regretted it, guess if, let's say he was upset about it, like if he thought he regretted it and you're just piling on.

Yeah. Like certain, I've always found when you're dating someone or even a friend, when you really fuck up is almost when they should surprise you and be cool. They should be behind your back a lot. Where it's like, I know that you know, you really fucked this one up. Of course. Or if it's a permanent thing where it's like, we can't do anything about it. So now's the time.

You got to soften the blow a little bit. Yeah. It's not that bad. It's cool. It's fun. So now's the time to be like, hey. You got to soften the blow a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not that bad. It's cool. It's fun. It's like a day-to-day shit. But no, she wants to freak out fucking 9 o'clock in the morning on a Saturday when he's got to go to work.

But it's also like, listen, dude, if you're at a party and you're friends, if there's a live tattoo gun at a party and you're drunk, what do we do? You're in that world. All of a sudden. That's not the first time. This and the rant that comes up. Oh, I love 3-11. March 11th. It's my favorite day.

It's over. John, this next segment of KC Radio is brought to you by HelloFresh. Okay. I've been doing their ad reads for how long? Years now, right? Yeah. And every time, I joke about how many free joke about how many free meals they're giving, and every time I open it up and I check the ad read,

I check the copy to see if they've actually increased the number of free meals, they've done it again. It's 16. I was going to say, we went to 16, didn't we? We went from 10 to 12. They did it. This is like Kramer on Saturday. We're going farther past E than anyone's ever gone before.

You crazy bastards. You've done it. You've done it. You've gone to 16. We went from 10 free meals with promo code KFC10 to 12 with KFC12 to 14 with KFC14 to 16 with KFC16. And guess what?FC 14, to 16 with KFC 16. And guess what? As we always tell you, it is double.

It's 32 free meals. It's 32 free meals. So let's math it up. We used to say 10 meals was like a $700 deal. Then we said 12 was worth like $1,000. Then 14. I think it would probably be around $1,000 right now. So 32 times 30 960 we're at a thousand dollar discount

when you go to hellofresh.com slash kfc16 and then use code kfc16 i use hello fresh every night you've seen me do it on the christmas stream uh i actually talked a story about it today on this podcast where i'm i'm still eating my paella because I couldn't stay on paella on HelloFresh. I got pork chops coming up tonight. It is so fucking good. It is honestly one of our products, aside from Whistlepig, to be totally honest, that I use the absolute most. It is a staple. I get three meals a night, so three meals a day, three meals a week.

Three times in a week, I am cooking HelloFresh. And you know Final Broke's an idiot, and they make it idiot-proof because all of the ingredients are prepackaged, pre-portioned. You just pour all this in, pour all that in, follow the ingredients in the recipe card, follow the steps on the card, and go bang-go-bongo. You got your meal in 20 to 30 minutes. It's cheaper.

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It's America's number one meal kit. You would be doing this without the discount, and now we're giving you almost $1,000 of free food. It's incredible. KFC16 is the code at HelloFresh.com slash KFC16. We got some voicemails teed up. What, Jackie? Yep.

Jacked up. Is that what it's called? That's pretty good. That's her segment. Her weekly segment. She breaks down all the NFL action. Jacked up. Jacked up.

That's tight. Nick sent these. This one's not video, but it's just... Hey, boys. Quick one here. You ever go to the same fast food place on the same day

and shoot everybody? Jesus Christ, buddy. Not this kid a fucking cup of decaf. Did they ever fuck up your Whopper and you must seek vengeance? Oh, buddy. Got this kid a fucking cup of decaf. Did they ever fuck up your Whopper and you must seek vengeance? Holy shit. Good Lord.

Yikes. This kid needs a travel agent. Get the fuck out of town for a couple of days. Need to get away. Holy shit. I'm sorry. That was fucking hilarious. It is a funny thought, though.

I don't think I've ever doubled up. I've doubled up. What was the whole question? I'm just... Going the same day. The same fast food place? Have you ever seen the same person behind the register? Like, I'm back again.

Oh, yeah. Dude, he walks into a McDonald's in Queens and goes, Follet! He's got his own seat like Norm. Someone's in my seat. What are we going to do about that? Come over by the lobster tank? Of course, I've gone to the same fast food place

Sounds like a nice gentleman to be honest with you That's loyalty right there When he walks in it's like, have you ever gone to Moe's? Welcome to Moe's! So wait, so you go for lunch and dinner sort of thing? Yeah I think it's lunch and lunch Yeah, that's what I mean though

Is it almost like you just go back for lunch and dinner sort of thing? Yeah. I think it's lunch and lunch. Yeah, that's what I mean, though. Is it almost like you just go back and... Lunch and dinner. You make it sound like there was a bottle of wine involved. Two by the window. Thank you. No, I would say it would be McDonald's, breakfast, and lunch. Okay. Or breakfast and later on in the evening.

Yeah. Because that breakfast doesn't fill you up. I don't think I have, but I am certainly not opposed to it. No. I don't know if I have. I am certainly not opposed to it. No. I don't know if I have. At some point, I'm sure. I'm sure I've had McDonald's for breakfast and then drunk walking home from the bar. Yeah, I've definitely done that.

I've never seen the same person where it's like, what's up, man? I've never had that. You know what I get is a lot of the the I get a DoorDash driver who keeps coming back. Really? We are the burbs. I mean, I get my dinner delivered and then I get like some ice cream delivered and then there are times where I'm in a jam and I'm getting like

Benadryl to drug my kids so they go to sleep and he's delivering that and I'm just like, hey again buddy. Full night, huh? Yeah. I've done that in like a small town on the road where I'm like there's like one, it's like Larry's the Uber driver so like from the hotel to the club it's Larry and he's like I'll see you later it's just fucking Larry

yes you will I'm actually wondering if this is trash since we're speaking of food here I cook a lot more now but I leave like when I when I cook it's two meals I do HelloFresh it comes you cook two meals but I'll save them like for lunch today I had pa when I my cook it's two meals. I do hello fresh it comes you cook two meals But I'll save them like different lunch today. I had pie a I cooked last Wednesday last Wednesday

Yeah, that's too What are you storing it in shrimp isn't it? Yeah? Oh, what are you doing? Oh? Yeah? I had it for lunch yesterday because it was a lot of rice right so you know I had it for lunch yesterday because paella is a lot of rice. I had it for lunch yesterday. We then deleted it. And then I had it again today right before I came here. I had more paella. And guess what? I'm going to have it for lunch tomorrow too because there's a lot left. The crazy thing is he leaves it in the cabinet.

I can't imagine. Do you have nice Tupperware or some shit? Is it a bag? I don't know. That's what I'm saying. It's not glass. It's not glass. It's like click. It's a little more heavier duty. Because like, you know, I'll put shit I'll leave leftovers in like the bag

and you know, that's one day maybe. Yeah, last Wednesday's no good. You said you're reading Kitchen Confidential. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I think the rules are different for when it's been cooked. I agree with you. I really, I'll really push the limits I smell it first. I'm not an animal. It smells like seafood.

You're not going to get violently ill. How does something go bad after it's been cooked? I don't understand. I'm with him on that. I hate when I agree with him. I hate that I'm like, damn, Feinberg's making some good food. It starts to decompose. Bacteria is working on it. But the fridge is preventing the bacteria.

Not all the time, not forever. Enough. Enough. It is. Not last Wednesday enough. You say that like it is. It's not. Nah, nah, nah, nah.

Last Wednesday was December, by the way. Oh, here's the deal. Here's the deal. I'm sitting here right now just fine. I did it yesterday just fine. I'll do it tomorrow. We'll see what happens. This is also the same guy who he ate some Chinese food.

You're a unicorn, though. You're food poisoning. Then was puking and shitting for like two days, wakes up, finally comes out of it famished. Wakes up from the bathroom floor. From the bathroom floor. Eats the leftovers. I mean, this is why I don't like agreeing with you, dude.

I try to support you and be like, no, he's not an animal. He is an animal. Did you get sick again? He's like, who's little sex want beef left? As you tell the story, I go, you ordered from the same place, didn't you? He goes, I had the same exact, the actual same meal.

I was like, you're hopeless. Because even as fat as I am, if I get food poisoning or something, I'm off of it for a while. I didn't fuck with Ben and Jerry's for like two years. Really? I caught a bad, yeah, I got a bad chubby hubby. Shrimp paella. Yeah, bad chubby hubby, don't say it. I got a bad chubby hubby.

And it wasn't Ben and Jerry's fault, obviously. They do no wrong. The bodega that it was at, it had melted and then refrozen. No, with those, you got to go to like a proper grocery. Those bodegas play a fast and fucking good. It's like the Hoth system. Yeah, they don't know what they're doing, the bodegas. Jam me up, and I couldn't touch it.

Especially not the next night. Jesus Christ. We were just talking with Gaffigan. How long will you eat pizza that's not refrigerated? Like if you... Three days, four days? Just out, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same. You'll just put it in the stove or whatever.

In the box. Just leave it on the counter. Till it's gone. It's like an overnight kind of thing. Yeah, me too. I'll go days. I'll have it for breakfast and then I'll reheat it it's like wine it hits a certain point like three days in where it's like crisp but wet

it starts to roll itself up it's close to zero when the cheese starts drying up it looks like Groom Lake my pizza's been aged four days I like it the cheese has some funk to it. I think that comes from, because in Philly there's a thing called tomato pie, which is

like just- No cheese, right? No cheese, and just, you know, it's room temperature. It's awesome. It's really good. You're crazy. It's an acquired- You get to a christening, you're taking that acquired pie.

Yeah, you know why you have to acquire it? Because it sucks. Yeah, but it's like, as a kid, you don't like it. But I started liking it as I got older. My dad, you would eat tomato pie. You'd be like, get that fucking shit out of here. But then as you get older. And tomato pie is not the issue here.

We're discussing how we keep things on the counter. Yeah, it comes warm, yeah. I will not sit here. Let's do one more, Jack. Yo, yo, what's up KFC? Fights? Nick? Super producer BC? Pav? Zachak jackie there's too many people

what's going on i just have a quick question hypothetically i'm asking this to KJ and Foley. If Toby were to, say, pick up a can like a high noon, a whistle pig. Probably not a whistle pig. That would kill you. But high noon, let's say, and throw it at your head. You got to dodge it. I don't know. Have you seen the drama we had here, Foley?

What are you doing, Foley? Does KJ come out? What's going on? What would happen in the RU garbage operation if one of you was through a full fucking can at somebody? You're talking to two company men. You're putting us in the spot. I say I have no comment on the situation. I was home with my kids all night. I wasn't aware.

That's all I have to say. Our work environment dynamic is a high wire act of craziness, of repressed anger, of lash outs, of verbal abuse. What you guys got going is like early days barstool. And Dave had said if this happened in Milton, our old office, he was like, I wouldn't even bat an eyelash. Yeah, in our place, it wouldn't be anything as nice as a high noon. I can tell you that. Maybe a Mountain Dew can. With a cig butt in it.

A code red. That's the thing, man. It was sealed. I know, I saw, man. That thing fucking cooked. I would be, I mean, I wouldn't care as like a fucking business owner. I'd be like, what the fuck? But like, if that happened to me, I would be very upset.

I have a deep rage in me. Yeah, in our person, that would be a fight. That would be a fist fight. We've fist fought over weight. We've like fist fought over like this. Have you guys thrown punches? Nah, we've come very close. There's been times where it's like. What was the last thing you guys almost fought over? You told me to shut the fuck up. Let's bring it up. Yeah. Let's

grab this wound. We were having a real big morning. It was when Schultz was coming in. I don't think I said shut the fuck up. You said he did. No, you said... We just started kissing. It was you better shut the fuck up. Which to me,

my insane brain takes it as there's implications if I don't like you better right or I'm gonna do something right and then I go buddy what are the kind of going on now I gotta know the consequences or what let's try the hard way number two it's like Schultz was like on the elevator to come up and we were like I'm like like, I'll fucking kill you. We were like yelling at you. Sometimes you got triggered. Hey, everybody out there.

But it is crazy you get that red light syndrome where you're like, alright, we gotta put it on record now. That's just our relationship. Like we're fucking, you know, we shit on each other, we fucking snap at each other. But we come from two seriously fucked up families where it's like that's what it is

good people and was there any like after you ended that was like don't ever fucking say that to me again is it that has he said shut the fuck up or you better shut the fuck up since we're pretty good

what can I say to you that you would fucking we're definitely getting better. We're way better. Dude, if we had the success five years ago, we would literally be fist fighting in the streets. We've definitely gotten way better in our insanity. Over Instagram control. Oh, dude.

The pot almost blew up a year ago over me not giving him the Instagram passwords. Dude, he was calling me at night. Check the DMs. See what's going on. He was calling me at night in the Instagram passwords. Dude, he was calling me. Check the DMs. See what's going on. He was calling me at night in the morning. You better give me that fucking password. You fucking piece of shit.

I was still walking into my day job. I had a day job. And I'm walking in. I'm like, dude, I'm fucking floating this fucking podcast. I'm fucking building the studio. I'm going to work right now. You're laying in bed just pissing me off. We would fucking.

Never got those codes either. Kids tight. Dude, meanwhile... Never got those codes either. Never got those codes. Kids tight. Dude, meanwhile... It's a tight fault. First of all, he can't share anything. He shares the wrong links to everything. I literally have to go press this button. I don't know what's going on over there, but I want the password.

I'm fully aware. I don't know what's going on. I'm like, you just do it. I don't fucking... You need more Feidelberg in you. Which I'm getting more Feidelberg in me. You're the Feidelberg. He's the me.

I'm getting more fights. I am. That's not good. I know. Yeah. Let's put a plug in that. My doctor's under a bridge. I'm fingering my dog.

What more do you want? When Gillis and McCusker were here, I think fights. Shout out to the dogs. Yeah, the dogs were in. I think Fights mentioned he needed to go to a doctor for a pancreas checkup from drinking too much or whatever it was. And Shane was kind of like, fuck. He was like, you were one of the guys that I would watch along on social media and be like, all right, I'm still good. Yeah, you're the canary in the coal mine.

The second you start going to fucking, the second you start getting checkups, I'm like, fuck. The canary in the coal mine. I'm looking at your stories. I'm like, well, he's out five nights this week. I was only out three. I'm alright. The thing about it, though, the thing that the worst part about it. The next pandemic is you get gout. It shuts everything down. The worst part of it all

is I've gotten worse since I've started drinking less. That's a fact. That happens. Your body goes into shock. Like, as a person, I have devolved since my drinking slowed down significantly. Really? Yeah. I mean, like, I have no joke.

I'm more depraved. Like, there is. Depraved? Yeah. Yeah. Who throws that word out about themselves? When do you hear that in like four times? I'm a daily baser.

What are you doing? I brush shoulders with depravity a lot more regularly. Makes it sound like you're Batman prowling the rooftops at night. I'm not the Fidelberg day one. Kevin's being scarily silent because he's like, you're right. No, no. I mean, you know, we're always fucking disgusting and depraved on the show. I don't think you realize.

You were probably too drunk to realize that we were fucking idiots. I just love that nickname, man. I want you to fight in rough and rowdy just so that we can be like, John the Canary in the coal mine, Fidelberg! All right, boys. We're going to go do the answer to the internet.

Thank you. So, are you garbage? Yeah, you guys are fucking on tour. What a name for a tour. Thank you. That was the big man came you're just fucking on tour Going on tour What a name for a tour Thank you That was the big man came up Middle class famous baby

Middle class famous That's beautiful The garbage men are going out on tour Also the Patreon I'm assuming Tritter Roof The numbers Cooking

We're doing alright We got the special too The specials Oh man you got it all You got the tour The special The Patreon The podcast It's all Everything You know the tour, the special, the Patreon, the podcast.

It's all everything trending up. So new money, Rich. Thank you, buddy. Where's the tour head first? We're going to, I'm going to run through them real quick. Hartford, Albany, Syracuse, Atlanta, Tampa, Orlando, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Detroit, Denver, Phoenix, Salt Lake City, Chicago, and Rosemont, Illinois. That's the first leg.

That's the first leg. That's up until May. And I'm sure a lot of these places are like it. That's before May? I'm going to see Orlando in March. I can't believe it. He's going to Disney. So our next thing is at 2,800 patrons,

I got to take him to Disney. And we're very close. And we're going in March. So I think we're going to just knock it out then. I can taste the lollipops now. Big one. Get out of my way, kid. Thanks, guys.

Just thank you boys alright big thanks to Uncle Hank and Aunt Kippy the Are You Garbage Boys make sure you follow them and check out everything all things

Are You Garbage related now time for today's interview it's with Jackson was unfaced that was fucking kind of

pick that up hell yeah leave that that's it leave that That was fucking kind of... Did I pick that up? Hell yeah. Leave that. That's it. Leave that. And that's our interview. Michael Jackson.

That was unbelievable. Totally planned it. Totally planned it that way. No, it's not MJ, but it is another incomparable artist. We've got Jessica Kurson on the show, who is a very funny woman, who I think would appreciate even that right there. So, Jess Curson on KC Radio. Let's talk to her.

That was nuts. Today's interview with Michael Vick. What's cracking? Oh, God, all is good. All is good? I mean, no. What am I talking about? I don't know why I just said that. I do like...

You know what? Are we recording? Record. Because that's so perfect. We're just so programmed to be like good, and it's like... I like you like that. Don't tell me how you actually are. Leave it on.

I always... When people are like, how are you? I'm like, good, but I'm never good. You're not good. I haven't been good in like 15 years. But also, you don't want to be the fucking jerk who's like, well, never good, not once. Let me just post this real quick. I love that you're posting while I'm here.

Well, we just came in hot, you know. I think the difference, though, is that because you also you don't want to be like if I say, hey, how are you? And you were like, well, you know, like my arthritis is acting up and my grandma is dying and I'm like, shut up. I just cut myself. How are you? I didn't bleed out in time so they saved me. You know, I'm back here again. I always say I'm okay, which

is the truth. I am okay. I go fine. I'm fine. I'll survive. Am I ideal? Heavens no. I think I say good. Am I ideal? Heavens no. I think I say good, but I don't think good is really... Good's a little too much. Do you think so?

I'm not good. Am I being pretentious with my good? Have you ever felt good? I don't mean from like you just bang someone. I'm saying in your life... Oh, that's when I feel the worst. No, I... That's when I feel the...

That's where I'm from. I'm not even kidding. You guys are both laughing way too hard. I'm dead serious. That's one of my lowest points after I fuck somebody. No, I feel the answer is. That's where I bought him. I'm not even kidding. You guys are both laughing way too hard. I'm dead serious. That's one of my lowest points after I fuck somebody. Why? No, I need to know why. I have to know why.

Why? Because I hate sex. Sex fuck kids. Why do you hate sex? Sex sucks. Can I tell you why? I will tell you why. He's been molested five times.

And you're laughing too hard. Who hasn't been molested five times? Not you ugly ass kid Nobody wanted to fuck me as a kid Not even You've never been molested? I don't think so Oh my god

Bro did you What is going on right now? Why am I the fucking I feel bad that you were never molested I guess me too You grew up before the 2000s And didn't get molested by an adult You must feel like the fucking loser

When did you guys You got molested by your babysitter You got molested by an adult? I feel like a fucking loser. When did you guys get... You got molested by your babysitter. You got molested by your doctor. I can't even count. Computer teachers, dude. When did you get molested? Oh, God. Give me an example of when you think I could have got...

You didn't even get this? I thought you just said you didn't even get fisted. You didn't even get this? This didn't even happen to you? Well, did you grow up like... Did you go to church? Yeah. So nothing happened to you? Well, did you grow up like Catholic? Did you go to church and shit? So nothing happened to you? No, I never was.

You're adorable. Stop it. Go on. I went to church a lot, but I was never like an altar boy. So I was never like with the priests or anything. I was in a CYO like group. I was doing like, you know, resume shit to get into college where we would like do like charity shit.

But, and there was some fucking weirdos there but nobody fucking touched me were you stinky? you probably gave up the vibe like get away from me yeah did you smell?

no you motherfucker I was never the smelly kid that was the one thing my mom is like you'll get picked on in class we won't get molested no my mom said she was like

I always made sure you guys were not like the smelly kids like you know you can be other things but like we're gonna make sure you're clean no I just nobody tried to fuck me guys I don't know being like being the smelly kids. You can be other things, but we're going to make sure you're clean. No, I just...

Nobody's trying to fuck me, guys. I don't know. Being the smelly kid that everyone makes fun of or getting molested once or twice? Well, judging by you... Judging by you... What do you think as a long-term figure? You know what? I think being smelly. I think so, too, because look at me. I'm fine.

Me, too. I have no problem. She's going to... I me, I'm fine. Me too, I have no problem. She's going to... I mean, I do... We're good, we're totally good. Everything's fine. We've just been saying we are never good. Ever, ever. Sure, I am in debt

because of how much I pay for therapy, but aside from that... I know, I go to a lot of therapy too. I have to. Most of my friends were molested. Fuck, man! I know, I go to a lot of therapy too. I have to. Most of my friends were molested. Fuck, man! I'm starting to feel actual.

I feel like, when did you grow up? Well, I mean, I grew up in the... What were your prime molestation years? 70s, 80s. You were a lady in the 70s and 80s. When I was a kid, a guy used to call the house and he talked sex with me 80s. When I was a kid, a guy used to call the house, and he talked sex with me on the phone when I was a kid.

Who was he? He was some random man. I know. He would just call the house, and you would pick up? And I was home alone all the time. No one was around. And he'd be like, hello. He knew who you were?

Well, he somehow, I guess, randomly called the house, and I was a kid, and then he got a hold of me, and that was it. He's like, oh, but you called back? So you got wrong number molested, somehow I guess randomly called the house and I was a kid and then he called back like you like so you got wrong number molested and then they were just like I'm gonna yeah I'm gonna remember this guy's yeah that's trying to figure out the numbers he's like yeah he's like I meant to hit a nine I hit a six or a fucking five is actually to me and I off on the phone. And you never told your parents or anything? No, I never told anybody.

Right now. This is the first time I've ever... Hi, William! I missed you. Were you, like, talking back or were you just kind of, like, a sounding board? I think I talked back a little bit, but I didn't... You were like, yeah, fuck me, yeah. I was like, can you help me with my math homework after?

What's six divided by three? After you come all over the house. So if you busted five nuts and fucked three women, how many total orgasms did you have? When you molest four kids and one cries, how many are okay? We'll find out in 40 years. And then I talk about this on stage, but I was molested in fat cam.

Oh, that seems like a place. And I say if anything's going to keep you fat, it's being molested in fat cam. I mean, you're going to keep weight on to keep people away. But I think I asked for it because my clothes were tight. to keep you fat. It's being molested in fat camp. I mean, you're going to keep weighed on to keep people away. Fat camp? I think I asked for it because my clothes were tight.

I hate when the crowd doesn't laugh at that. That's a great joke. That's like a true like comics joke. Yeah, I know. The crowd goes, uh.

Fuck you. Fuck you. I was the fat fucking person getting molested. Fuck you. I wasn't even fat. I was Jewish fat. I was the fat fucking person getting molested. Fuck you. I wasn't even fat. I was Jewish fat. I was jet.

Jet is not even fat. I was like six pounds overweight when my parents sent me. I was not fat. Isn't that the classic joke? Yeah. You're like the queen of the fucking ball, right? You're the belle of all. I was the most popular kid.

I was not fat. I was athletic. And I was sent to fat camp. Because you just weren't like a two-inch amount. I was a shortstop on the softball team. I was getting scholarships from SUNY Oswego. SUNY Oswego. That is the gay, that's the most lesbian school ever.

And I don't know where it is, but when you go to SUNY Oswego. Mount Holyoke and Smith, those are like fun. Mount Holyoke. I know girls who went to both those schools. I know a girl who went to Mount Holyoke. And actually, this flies in the face of your theory. but she would um i i worked at a summer camp with her and during lunch while i would eat this this is how bad i am at reading signs from women while i would while i would eat a sandwich she would show me how deep she could get a pen in

her throat and i would be like that's pretty fucking cool and just keep eating it oh so you didn't know i didn't get she was like watch what i could do with a dick and i would be like that's pretty fucking cool and just keep eating at the oh so you didn't know I didn't get she was like watch what I could do with a dick and I was just like you know I'm the same way

I never know when someone's hitting on me like and like I'd like to say someone could be like can you fuck the shit out of me

and I'm like what movie do you want to see I have no idea and he is the worst the worst and I'll tell you what she could get that pen mighty deep

and I thought I looked at it more as like a circus act than like something sexual. I was like, she is impressive. Well, also, let me tell you something. You're not thinking about your penis when you see something this long. None of that translates. You don't even need that. I got a bugle you could try. It was a golf pencil.

I'm getting upset that I wasn't molested though. I'm sorry. Do you want me to act something out? Do you want me to act it out right now? Spiced his day up. Maybe I was so molested

I repressed all my shit. You could have. That does happen. Maybe I got really molested you fucking pussy. Oh, I don't have memories before seven I think. I have every single thing.

Every time he tells a story he's just like, I was seven. And it's like, it doesn't matter if he was 16. I was like seven. So we're in the car and I'm driving. It's my freshman year. I was seven. It makes no sense.

I think all those years just get blurred out. It's crazy. It's crazy. I have very specific memories. I was voting. I guess that's what a memory is, though, now that I think about it. I don't remember everything, but I have when something of note happened, I remember. But I mean, all of

his molestations came out during the show, where like, he'd be telling the story, and I'd be like, oh god. That's assault, brother. You know, and he'd be like, oh, I guess it is when you're like, when you're being considered dirty. No, the baby said you put a carrot up my ass. What are you talking about? Did someone really put a carrot up your ass? No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, that I wish they did. She would just make me watch porn with her and stuff. It wasn't touching. Yeah, but that's still very inappropriate. Yeah, sure. In today's world, yeah, but you can't judge society through today's lens back in the day. So she wouldn't do anything to herself? No, no.

We'd just sit there and watch weird porn. Because she was like this fucking pussy. Rotten.com. Fuck me. Like what kind of porn? It was Rotten.com. It wasn't even porn. It was just naked people doing fucking stuff to each other.

Rotten.com is like faces of death type. It's like you can just see. You can see some sex, but you also see someone like chopping their toes off with an axe. And your babysitter watched that with you. Yeah. Wow. We wonder why we're so. No, I've said part of me believes that my generation is the greatest generation because we – I say this over and over again because we are young enough that we can use the internet and we're technologically adept, but also we remember a time without it so we can remember what this Wild Wild West shit was starting during our formative years, puberty, all that shit.

When it was like, sure, you can watch this girl put this bottle in her ass. I know. You're right. Because I was older, but I still remember when it started. When your first thing is like, wait, what's sex? Let me find out. It's like, oh, you put like everything in the world inside your fucking holes. It's like, oh, wait, that's not really what we should be teaching just yet.

You eventually learn it, but it just shouldn't be when you're 12, 13 years old. We're also the most fucked up generation because we're the most experimental. Yeah, that's true. I had pills in high school where I had a couple of pimples, and I went to a dermatologist, and they were like, here, this will take care of the pimples. And my mom was like, and that's it? I'm like, well, it's definitely going to make him suicidal as well.

And then we were just like, fine with it. We're like, all right, that makes sense. Accutane was like heavily suicidal. I also wouldn't let him anywhere near a rope. You're hanging from the ceiling, but you have no sense. Just beautiful. Like, open casket was amazing. He was glowing at the wake.

Die young and leave a pretty corpse. Sosilic acid. Yo, but really, the Accutane shit was crazy. When they say side effects include heart attacks and this and that, it's like, yeah, it did happen to a couple

people. We do have to legally tell you this, but you're going to be okay. Accutane was like, put away the knives and the ropes. Don't let, get rid of those shoelaces. They're wearing Velcro for the summer. But it also was a testament to like, okay, what would you rather be? The suicidal kid or the kid covered

in acne? Because guess what? You're going to be suicidal with that too. You might as well be pretty. Would you rather look like Edward James Olmos or be dead? Take the fucking death, man. 14 year old me, hand up will be dead. And you're like, dead. Take the fucking death, man. 14-year-old me, hand up fast, dead. Yeah, that's painful. I watch pimple popping shit.

Do you watch that? That's so weird. You just said that. You know why? You really just read my mind. So I never did. I was like, I will never. And all of a sudden, and recently on Instagram, I started scrolling and it came up. Because once you start watching, it feeds it to you.

And I was like, why am I getting a little into this right now? No, there's something psychological about it. There's some of it I can't watch. I bet it's going to be psychosexual. Oh, I don't think it's sexual. Why not? No. Orgasm.

Orgasm. Pop. Bodily fluids. Ejaculation. You're the one thinking of that, bro. Dude, I don't like this shit i hate this i'm disgusted but i'm also disgusted by sex so wait i need to know something we need to backtrack what disgusts you about i know you i'm exaggerating well it's also i mean

he's closeted and he was molested you know that's that'll be enough to fuck a girl. You're like, this is all fucked up. I don't want to have sex with you. And the last time I did was like when my babysitter was fingering me. So, you know, all of it leads to tears. Fingering me. No, but you guys are the fucked up ones for liking. I love it. I don't like all of it.

There's a lot I don't like. I don't like when it shoots at someone's face. Yeah, that's disgusting. That's a lot. That is disgusting. There's a lot I don't like. I don't like when it shoots at someone's face. Yeah, that's disgusting. That's a lot. That is disgusting. That's a lot. But usually I'm into that, but just not with pimples. No, I don't.

You know what the best is? The best for all my fellow pimple popper fans out there. Old people, blackheads. Old people on their face. They have had blackheads that have been in there legitimately probably for like 40 years. I haven't seen that. They are black as night. And they just squeeze them and it all comes out.

I get something. It's not sexual, but it's very. It's not sexual for me. I'd admit it if it was. It's very like a clean. Like people who like their bed made and shit like that. It's one of those things where like you just get it all out and now it's clean. I get that.

It's a clean slate. It's like when there's a fresh thing of snow. It's like there's a dirty thing. You clean it up and it's clean and you're fresh. It's a clean slate. It's like when there's a fresh thing of snow or there's a dirty thing you clean it up and it's like. I also don't like when there's 30 of them. Oh, that's when it gets good.

No, I don't like that. That's like the equivalent of a gangbang. That's like, yeah, now we're really cooking. Yeah, I don't like gangbangs. They're too confusing. I don't like gangbangs.

Really? Yeah. What's confusing about it? I once had a threesome. There's one girl getting fucked by a bunch of guys? No, I once had a threesome with two women and a fucked by a bunch of guys No I once had a threesome With two women

And a hotel And I didn't even want to do it My girlfriend did I think that's too much pussy Well I got very confused And then I got annoyed And I was like You guys continue

Really? And I went on the other bed In the hotel and watched TV I swear to God Just right next to? Yeah I said I'm not into this That's rude

What? That's rude And then I got in trouble For things I did For my girl It was all her idea You said you got in trouble for things I did for my girl. It was all her idea. You said you had a shitty girlfriend. Yeah, I did.

Yeah, I always have a shitty girlfriend. It was her idea. She's like, I want to do this. I'm like, I don't even want to do this. She's like, come on, let's just do it. Yeah, did she bring in someone who was very different than you? We went to a bar. It was my girlfriend.

And she started kissing someone. Right in front of you. On the dance floor, yeah. And you guys weren't like that? You weren't open kind of no it was great we were wasted yeah yeah were you younger um yeah 25 so you're still like yeah crazy shit happens yeah partying whatever and then like did she go get like uh a blonde so it's like the total opposite of you sort of thing did that piss you off no it wasn't it wasn't the I mean, this girl was very attractive, but like me. No, I'm joking.

I'm talking. I'm ugly. No, the woman was very attractive, but I was like so drunk and I'm like, if she's gonna kiss her, I'm gonna fuck her. You know, like that was me. Wait, what's some? Drunk lesbian sex. Dr drunk girl on girl sex it was

hot in the big like but then I got in trouble like just like it's so ridiculous with lesbians like there had to be like a fucking like we had a talk we had to have a talk before like you're allowed to do this you're not allowed to do that I mean it was ridiculous what's the no-go well I think it's like you're not allowed to kiss? No. Or like you're not allowed to fuck this way. No, like we started, we fooled around. We were wasted again. But I fingered the other woman.

And then she... She was like, no? No. She said no to that? I mean... No, I got in trouble afterwards for doing that. There's like limited things you can do. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah. But plus I left the whole thing and went on the other bed. Because I was so bored. I really was bored. Could you... I don't remember what I watched. That would what I watched it was probably like Schindler's List have could you ever afford with Cunnilingus but no fingering or like no that would have been worse so just kissing Cunnilingus would have been worse I didn't know what I don't know this girl picked out somebody she wanted who she made out with but I don't want to have but I don't want you to first of all she made out with someone in front of me.

Yeah. Right? Without ever having talked about it. No. We're going to go out and have a third time. Right. And then I put my hand down there and got in trouble. And she didn't talk to me for a week.

I hate women so much. Also, how did you fucking take this? Is there a conversion therapy to become straight? Yeah. Because I'm going to go to a fucking class. Yeah. No, I always say- Mike Pence set you up. Yeah, he's still bopping around. I'm going to go to a fucking class. Yeah. No, I always say we... Mike Penzel set you up.

Yeah, he's still I'm not kidding. I really am considering it. I told Stefano I want to go to a conversion therapy to become fully gay. Chris and I talk about this

all the time. So many straight men feel like that. Just need to love dick. That's it. I know. Because you don't have to. You guys don't...

I know, but you know what? It's so much easier. Dick? Yes. Like fucking dicks? Yes. Oh, you crazy town. No, she's right. No, it. I know. That's the only problem. You guys don't. I know, but you know what? It's so much easier. Dick? Yes. Oh, you crazy town. No, she's right. No, I'm being serious. It's easier to like dick? Meaning, you guys can you just fuck and the next day you're like hey, what's up?

There's no, I'm telling you, a lot of my gay male friends, there's no there's no. I know a few gay people. They're all fucking psychopaths. No, of course there are. This one, the other one. I know he's been giving me very weird looks. I'm joking. I'm totally

kidding. They're crazy people. They're just like lunatic people, gay or straight. I'm saying with girls, and this is why I think lesbians is probably a whole shit show, because you get all the emotions and the hormones and like the girly shit, the stereotypical

girl stuff, you just get two of that, right? Well, it depends. There's also craziness with men and women. I mean, of course. You're talking about two completely different people. I would imagine two more like effeminate gay men would be a shit show too, where it's like they're in their feelings and they're gonna be difficult as well.

Yes, that can be hard. I guess any combination can be hard. But I'd imagine if it's two regular dudes and they just kind of like fucking hang out. That's why I want to try it. I just want to be able to fuck. Just a couple of straight guys fucking each other, man. That's it.

It's just straight guys who fuck. I'm not gay. I'm a straight guy who fucks dudes i think i really think it depends on the people you know but it is it can be difficult with two women it can be very intense when did you when did you know i i mean i met my first uh partner first girlfriend the first person i was with when i was a senior in college. That's pretty late, right? Yeah. You only found out then, or you knew and you just didn't? I didn't know, but I never could fall in love with a guy,

and I never wanted to, like, I had guy friends, but I never wanted to, like, spend time with them. Right. You were saying you actually liked to have sex with them, but then afterwards it was like, I don't want to hang out with you. Yeah, like I could have sex with them, but I was like, bye. Like I just didn't want to hang out with them after. I'm like that with people across the board.

Get what you need from them and then you're done. See you later. I mean, men don't gross me out. You know, I just I couldn't fall in love with them. I didn't want to be in relationships with them. You know, yeah, it's just I just got to get into the dicks.

Yeah. That T-ass porn, we're getting there. I guess if you can't I know Chris, I know he wishes he could be gay too. He just is, come on. I think he is too. Enough, just stop.

It's not even funny at this point. Did you see the video he put up? Maybe it was this morning or yesterday of his baby mama doing the laundry? I saw something, but I didn't watch it yet. Now, I've actually talked about this fairly recently. When I've been folding, I've been doing my laundry, and I'm looking at my underwear, and I'm like, you're a fucking animal. It's just like the elastic is all out of whack

and like there are holes in the crotch of his it's not like I have stains or anything I'm not that big I'm not a pig I'm an animal

well it's also cause you wear the wrong size underwear but keep going yeah and uh but DeStefano's DeStefano's girl was holding up his

and it was I mean the ass was just blown out well Chrissy there wasn't a hole in it it was it wasn't an ass just blown out well Chris. Thank you. What did there wasn't a hole in it? Size 38 put down like a 32 is ripping through it It was

It's like it's like it's like a jockstrap where the whole back is just wide open Fucking Christ he kills me. He's unbelievable. I just saw him the other night. We were laughing so hard. I almost don't want him to be gay because I feel like the power of this. It's almost like that's underwear

for people with like three legs Oh my god That's a third leg Chris is doing pretty well And I've said that like Yeah but he's He's so crazy He makes me laugh so hard

Could you I mean that That just has to be Your whole middle You know like Like he can take a shit without taking off his pants. Exactly. He just drops jeans to take it off.

He could have a baby with that. There would be nothing on his underwear if he had a baby and no blood. No blood. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. He kills me. So, wait. Senior year. No blood Oh fuck Oh my god He kills me So wait Senior year

That's when you're like Alright Yeah I was in a sorority And I fell in love With a freshman That's pretty late man That's wild We had a secret relationship

For years And then you came out Right away Or no Obviously we had A secret relationship Yeah then after She graduated

We came out. Oh, that's a long time. And no one cared. No one cared. I cared, but no one else cared. Was that like kind of disheartening? I was like, yeah. They're like, really?

I was like sobbing every time she left. I was like, ah! My mom's like, obviously, you're with her. You're so stupid. Nobody cared. We've seen you throw across a diamond over there last week. Oh, we do. We watch you pick it out of the ground at first base.

No straight girl could pick a ball in the dirt like that. I'm like taking the rappers or her food out of the garbage. Smelling the sheet. Yeah. So you were like 25 then by the time she came out? She had like four more years to go Yes I think I was 24 When I fully came out

Fuck that's a long time Yeah I cared what people thought I really cared And you don't anymore It's kind of funny when About anything Of course I care

About that no You know I don't I think everyone in the world Cares what other people think, no doubt. And then I usually say kind of it's just a matter of whether you change what you're doing or who you are or what you say based on that. But I think everyone does that to an extent as well. But I think it's just a matter of how much you let other – because I really – at the end of the day, I really don't care what people think I actually think. Oh, I absolutely do.

So much. You do? A sick amount. I mean, I the end of the day, I really don't care what people think I actually think. Oh, I absolutely do. So much. You do? A sick amount. I mean, I care about a lot. You do, but you also just, like, still just do what you do. Like, what do you do in your life right now that is, like, based on other people? Maybe how you dress. Oh, nothing.

I'm the most selfish person in the world. But. That's what I mean. But it'll just. You care, and maybe it's in your head but it's not like I just get that hot feeling when they tell me and then I forget

almost instantly that's the difference you read all the fuck no I mean everybody on twitter mentions everybody on twitter mentions but that's it

he's the only one I know he's the only person I believe when he says I don't read like the comments yeah I don't read a lot I mean it took it takes a long time to get over that.

And when you do it, it is like freeing. I really don't anymore. My therapist gave that to me as a homework assignment once. She's like, I want you to read all the comments this week. I went back next week. I was like, I'm going to fucking cut your head off. I was going to say that. That is bad advice.

I'm going to throw you out this goddamn window. That is bad advice. I quit. I quit. That's what I did. I quit. You're fucking fired. That is legit bad advice. Because you know what? I feel like I quit. You're fucking fired. That is legit bad advice.

I feel like I'm on Accutane again. This is another thing. The fucking therapists don't get this world. No, a lot of them don't. And I know that you're super smart, and I know that you can probably apply a lot of things, but I've talked to therapists who have been like, listen, I've talked to like billionaires before. I've talked to actors. Okay.

Like I can deal with it. It's like good for you. That's not what this is like. Yeah. Like the billionaire, the actor, the singer, that's all actually pretty well documented already by now. You know, this shit, internet, comedy, podcasting, following, getting followers. I know. There's no books on it yet.

Yeah. And they think they can apply all their schooling. And it's like, no, you can't. So don't act like you know what's going on. When I'm like, oh, you know, it's like we live in this weird world where to the people who know us, we are like mega famous. Yeah. But then like the rest of the world doesn't. I know.

But so sometimes people are like falling over themselves to take a picture with me. And then other times it's people like, you know, fuck you. They'd spit on me. Right. It's like, I don't know how to handle that. And other times it's people like you know fuck you they'd spit on me right I don't know how to handle that and like neither do you because you know what I mean yeah you've never had

a fucking client or patient like this I swear to God you haven't unless it's him you haven't had anybody that can you know yeah and and so I don't think like the

world has caught up to and social media and all the highs are so high and the lows are so low and you're only as good as or big as your last game your last thing was like a day ago so I know so fast but the good thing about my therapist is i i've been with

her for a while so she's you know i've i've gone up with her like i've been through a lot of lows and a lot of highs yeah that's i like when they know so she knows a lot and everything yeah yeah i how about that you know what what bothers me? The comedian therapist. That guy's got to... Do you go to... No. Okay. No. Okay.

That feels like a scam to me or something. I don't think it's a scam. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. He seems to help a lot of people. I personally wouldn't go to someone that everyone I know goes to. We have that here, you know.

You do? You guys all go to the same place? No, no, no. here you know you do there is like no no i don't but there is like a barstool therapist who like really i would say like not not to the extent of the comedian therapist but i would say like there's a comedy seller four people or so five people or so the same therapist i mean maybe those numbers might have changed but at one time there was like four or five people i guess logically you can you kind of get it if it's like okay i'm an expert in the stand-up comedy world or like I know the barstool world well. But also, you know, if you were like, oh, like I bombed yesterday.

You're like, oh, that sucks because I heard that, you know, Rachel killed. I know. I know. It's like, well, fuck. I don't like you knowing everything about everything. But I mean, maybe. Yeah. I would.

This is just me. I'm not judging anyone i would feel very uncomfortable going with therapists that like everyone i know goes to right i mean comics it is it is cool how that's kind of changed not that as all like very specific yes but i was like that my parents started making me go therapy when i was real young me too yeah i threw a chair out a window and they're like all right this kid's got problems um and uh but i was there was like at that time i was probably in middle school maybe early high school and there was like i was mortified i would make my mom like park in a different going to parking lot and i would like

walk back so absolutely because it was by like a friend's house i was like what if that age especially as a boy it's different oh and that still, as far as we've come, is still very hard as a guy. Yeah, totally. But even just saying it is awesome, but seeing someone, you walking out of the comic service and seeing a comic, say you're crying, I'm like, well, my career's over. Yeah, I don't want any of that. It's cool we can all admit we're here, but you saw fucking tears.

Yeah. I'm done. Yeah, any of that. It's cool we can all admit we're here, but you saw fucking tears. Yeah. I'm done. Yeah, and even that. I saw a fan once as I walked out, and I was like, that's probably not supposed to happen. Yeah. But I'm sure when he's doing the billionaire or the actor, they have some backdoor or they make sure no one's around. So don't mention me with the billionaire actor unless I'm getting the backdoor key code. Exactly.

If you're going to do me backdoor, then we can do it. Backdoor. But yeah, I still think as a guy, it's like we say that it's like we've progressed or whatever. But we haven't because you'll judge somebody if you see a guy crying, you judge him. Yeah. You know? You know, it's funny. As a Jewish person, it's much more – this is a very general thing, and don't, you know, people that watch this, it's not everyone, but as a non-religious Jewish person

growing up, it is common for Jewish men to go to therapy. It's more accepted in what I grew up in. That's good. Yeah. It's not as like, you're going there, forget it. Right, that's what I'm it. The fucking Irish Catholic. It's different. Put it away until you commit suicide.

It's different. I've been re-watching Seinfeld on a background thing. I was surprised to see Costanza in therapy. That was late 90s. By the way, Costanza's not Jewish, right? In the show? No.

Costanza's Italian. I've been trying the show? No. Costanza's Italian, right? Yeah. But I don't think they ever, I've been trying to pay attention to see if they ever made, because his parents sound Jewish. Oh! Yeah, yeah. I know. George, what were you doing with your body?

Yeah, I know. But it's just like, But you know what I mean, Italians and Jews are, you know, right there with each other. Very, very similar, but also very different. I mean, it's, we're. But, like, as far as the mothers, it's like they worry about if you eat enough, they worry about if you find a wife and, you know what I mean? Like, a lot of that shit does translate.

But, again, like, the non-religious Jewish, it's called reform for people who don't know. Like, that's how I grew up, reform Jewish. There's, like, reform conservative orthodox Hasidic. Listen, if you got a name You're in it Yeah You know what they call Christians who don't They call them bad Christians

Right They call them Catholics Whatever It's reform If you go to synagogue I went to Hebrew school And I was bat mitzvahed Okay

And then you stopped When? You know Like I mean I always went to temple But I guess I mean I don't go often now But I'll go for the high holidays.

You still do? Sometimes, yeah. This was the first year, or maybe last year. It's important to me. It's the first time I ever went during the holidays. I bailed. I was that way for a while. I'd go Easter, Christmas, and then one day I just learned I didn't have to.

I was like 24, and I was like, I'm not going. I go when I want, and I'm not religious at all, but I'm proud of, you know, I'm proud of who I am. I love the traditions and the custom. Yeah, that's And I'm not religious at all But I'm proud of I'm proud of who I am And I love the traditions Yeah that's where I'm at My grandma really cared So we had to go And then she died

And it was like Okay we can go a little bit less But my mom still wants us to go And then she kind of like Has fizzled And now I have kids And I'm like Well

I don't go at all But But I liked I did like my upbringing With the tradition well, I don't go at all. But I did like my upbringing with the tradition and all that shit. Me too. I had to go three days a week for years.

What? Every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Did you ever do CCD? Fuck yeah, I did CCD, bro. Got molested there. Probably.

I was about to say I want my kids to do CCD, but that's out the window. I'm kidding. I did. But I did have a girl put my fly up. She's like, your fly's down. It was my teacher. She's like, but that's out the window. I'm kidding. But I did have a girl put my fly up. She's like, your fly's down. It was my teacher. She's like, your fly's down. She's like, grab it and zip it up

for me. But that's not a molestation. That's just being helpful. No, I think you asked. I don't think you're supposed to touch. She was like, it was like... You're helping out, but if you're eager to go touch a little boy's dick area... And plus, didn't you tell me she did it with her teeth? You said something earlier

that reminded me of something else. You just said you're proud of who you are. Good for you. I was watching Sunny recently, the new season, and Mac says... He's talking about what he identifies as. Where does Jewish land? What's the first thing you identify as, second, third?

That's a good question. Yeah. I don't have an answer for myself, so don't ask me that, please. That's a great question. Woman. Woman one?

Yeah. I am woman. Hear me. Jewish would be second. And, you know, it's funny. I hate saying lesbian. Why? Because I'm not.

So just say dyke. Make it easy. I eat box. Because I don't feel like I'm 100% a lesbian. Even though I will always be with women and I prefer women. I'll never end up with a man. You're saying there's a chance you might fuck a guy still? No.

So then I say you're 100%. No, I can't swear on my children that I would never be with a man again the rest of my life until I die. That's being honest to God truth. I can't say that with my foot, but I don't think I would. I doubt I ever would. I doubt it. Are you just looking at the window

open for an assault? You're like, fingers crossed, but I can't promise. No, I don't think that's ever going to happen, to be honest with you. The more I think about it, I'm like, what the fuck am I talking about? I just don't identify as 100% lesbian, but that would be my last thing that I identify as.

Because I think that's also from doing stand-up for so long. You know what I was going to say? I'm happy you didn't say comic. Yeah, that's not. I wouldn't identify myself first as a comic. I feel like a lot of people who do comedy would be like, I'm a comic. Oh, I think most comics would probably put that first or second. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. That's probably one of the last things I would say. Good for you. Yeah. Because I think sometimes. It's one of the things I am. Too seriously. No, I don't take it seriously at all.

I don't even love it. I don't know what I would. I do it so much. I have 20 shows this week. I swear. I probably have 20. Literally. I'm probably going to I have 20 shows this week. I swear, I probably have 20. Literally, I'm probably going to do almost 20 shows this week. So that's like almost three times seven. I'm not kidding.

I have probably three or four tonight, three or four tomorrow. I'm at the Cellar probably six, seven, eight shows this weekend. I mean, I do a ton of it, and I don't love it. You do it for the money, which is an okay reason to do things for me. I do it because I'm supposed to. What does that mean? I'm supposed to make people laugh. According to who?

This is my path in life. Is this some Jewish shit coming out? It's what I know. It's what I'm supposed to be doing. I know I'm good at it. I see people laughing. So you think that you can have a calling of some sort that doesn't necessarily mean that you like it? Yes, whether that sounds disgusting

to people, I don't care. You think you were meant to do this, but that doesn't necessarily translate to I'm happy to do it. I love it when I'm up there. When I'm on stage, I have a blast. But beforehand, I'm not really happy.

All the sitting and doing all the work And the social media And all that shit I fucking hate Dealing with agents And bookings And all that shit I fucking hate

I love like Between the lines Like we do this And like that's it Right So when you're sitting here You have a blast When I'm on stage

I'm present I'm in heaven Yeah But The rest sucks The whole rest of the day is not fun for me. I love doing characters. I love making videos. There's other things I like a lot more than stand-up. But I know I am supposed to do it, so I do it.

I know there's kind of that clique of you guys. I know I see you and Cannon doing the therapy thing that's my that's I'm doing so but but so Sarah Highlands here in the room my friend Sarah from LA she's an incredible character comedian she's also a comedian but she does characters so the one we I just put up the new one goes out tonight it's on my Instagram right now if you guys go to Jesse Kersen. She does amazing characters, and she did this character Martha Owens with me and did Kentucky Lightning.

So I dress up as different characters, and I interview comedians. How many characters do you have? I mean, I have a ton of them, but I do like four major ones on the podcast called Disgusting Hawk, Right. And it's on YouTube. And, you know, Sarah dressed up as characters, and so did Mike Cannon and Brendan Sagalow, and it's hysterical. But sometimes people just are themselves.

Like Big Jay just did one of them himself. Tom Segura did one. How many costumes do you keep on hand? They have all the costumes at the studio I have a ton of them I wear wigs I do a second I've seen them I was wondering

what the back room looks like and I love doing that I love doing that shit you know but I mean you can't you know of course

like I have kids too you gotta make money and like with stand up I can make very good money so I do it yeah once you have kids too it's like fuck

right if you didn't have kids right if you didn't have kids right if you don't have kids you can make like twelve thousand dollars a year right right it's like god I didn't realize how how much yeah life is just easy yeah there's a lot of things I would do if I didn't have to make a lot of money? Like what? I would just be more artistic and do things I want to do with like videos and shit where it didn't matter if I made money

or not. But it sounds like the videos you're doing are like, they're fun and shit that you liked. Like, what's a video you would do if you weren't doing it for the money? You were just doing it for the passion. I mean, I would put out more character stuff, which wouldn't lead to a lot of money. Does that make sense? I would do like a podcast stuff, which wouldn't lead to a lot of money. Got it. So you do the character stuff kind of as the passion, and then the podcast and the standard stuff is regular. That's for the money.

Yeah, I would do, like, series on the internet, which were, like, character stuff, character series, maybe a talk show. Yeah, the character stuff is, like, you know, when it hits, it hits. But I think for people to really, like, continually watch and you get enough views and enough downloads and subscriptions and all that shit, it's a different – it hits, it hits. But I think for people to really like continually watch and you get enough views and enough downloads and subscriptions and all that shit, it's, it's a different, it's a harder path. I feel like,

I mean, it's good for TV. Yeah. Do you do, do you do acting? Like, cause I feel like that would, Oh yeah.

I've done, I've been on a bunch of sitcoms and I've done, that feels like I've done, I think three or four, I've been in three or four movies. Um, and I love to act. Now there's not a ton going on, as you know.

They're not filming a lot. There's a lot of things I want to do. I've always wanted to do a talk show, and I've always wanted to do sketch stuff. So I'm working on both things right now. I was just about to film a... I was just about to film a, I was just about to film, thank you,

I was just about to film a crowd work special at the Cellar, which was going to be sick, which I'm going to do now in March, but that was, I was doing nine shows in one night

at the Comedy Cellar in all their rooms, only crowd work, nine 15 minute sets of only crowd work. So it would be the first woman who did a crowd work special

and we're going to make it into a documentary. That's wild. Because I do a ton of crowd work so it'd be the first woman who did a crowd work special and we're going to make it into a documentary that's because i do a lot of crowd work i thought crowd work specials were just like anytime you do crowd work you have it on video but you specifically no i'm doing one night you go up only at the cellar in all four rooms of only crowd work so no one's ever done that like uh okay let me start with you exactly because that's my thing i can just improv and talk to the crowd but no one's ever done that. And you're just like, okay, let me start with you. Exactly. Because that's my thing. I can just improv and talk to the crowd. But no one's ever done that. That's nuts.

Yeah. Because I was always saying, like, I'm always very impressed with stand-up comedy. And then we do our live podcasts. And that's very different, right? You do it at Caroline's, right? Yeah, we do it at Caroline's. We've done it at a few places. But we go up there with a very light, like, framework of what we want to do.

And then we just do a podcast, which is nerve-wracking to me because it's like ordinarily a comic's on stage, and they have a set that they've refined, and they know when the laughs are coming, and they know when the big joke. So they're comfortable, whereas I'm like, I don't know. Sometimes we talk about shit that's not that funny. It's interesting, but it's not laugh-out-loud funny, and now we have an audience. But you are kind of doing both of those combined where it's like, it's a standup set, but it's winging it completely. I'd rather wing it. Really?

That's the thing. And you're not, you're not ever nervous about like, what if there's what the crowd's like? So it's, it's, it's, it's, see, this is a business decision that I'm making. You understand? I'm a business. I mean, I'm a business.

Sarah's laughing because I went off on someone at the airport yesterday. Do tell. Because this woman was said, I had to get a COVID test in Canada. And she's like, we send you the email. And I'm like, you didn't send me the email. I'm a business person. And I became my father.

I was screaming at her. I'm like, I'm a business person, OK? Like, the thought that I even fucking screamed that at someone is so insane. Kill yourself. I'm a business person. It's disgusting. But she was doubting that I, you know, doubting me that I didn't get the email. Well, you didn't check your spam.

I'm like, I fucking checked everything. I know what I'm doing. Fucking piece of shit. See, the exact opposite happened to me. I'd be like, you are completely right. I didn't look at it. Oh, no, I'm the opposite. I'm like, don't ever doubt me.

You're right. I have 80,000 unread emails. I'm sure it's in there. Oh, that's, you're like, yeah, I'm a piece of shit. doubt me. You're right. I have 80,000 unread emails. I'm sure it's in there. Oh, that's, you're like, yeah, I'm a piece of shit. I should kill myself. Yeah. Nothing worse than when. A homeless guy will see my email collection and be like, you got to clean it up.

There really is though nothing worse than when they are right. You know, if it is that. No, it really was not. They were not. You're like, fuck it is there. You're like, but you don't tell them it's there. Are you kidding me? No, right. You say like, no, it must not. Send it again like fuck it is there you're like but you don't tell them it's there are you kidding me no right

you say like no it must send it again there it is now I found it don't look at the time stamps yeah but anyway it's the reason why

I mean I love doing crowd work I'm good at it and I no one's ever done that no women has ever done it why do you think women don't do it

like you're saying like statistically historically speaking some do I mean there's some who are amazing at it there's some female comics who are so good at it you know judy gold and paula pounds i mean there's incredible but a lot don't i don't know why maybe they just don't i don't know why a lot of women

don't do it but i i do and it's part of what i'm i'm i'm known for and i've been putting up crowd work clips on tiktok and it's been blowing up. Blowing up like millions of views. I feel like you know what I like about a lot of your crowd work? It's not like comedian destroys this person. It's usually kind of funny with them. And I also destroy myself normally. It's me making fun of myself a lot. I mean a couple

times I've gone off on people and those have gone really viral. That's why you always see it. Nobody likes a heckler when someone gets dunked on as a but sometimes it's also devolved to the point where like like the comic can be like yo you suck dude and everyone's like oh he got him it's like it's got to be funny still like yeah of course people are so eager to trash the heckler that they think anything is like you got eviscerated it's like not really no it's not i think people like when you really get them when it's something funny it's great yeah and also i do it in a way where

it's still loving i mean i really and i do attack myself a lot so i think people it's endearing because well again when you don't take it too seriously yeah at the end of the world that someone's drunk and maybe talking a little bit during your set you know right like when people get so mad about that i don't like it either But it's like I don't know Oh there's so many comics Who get so crazy about that shit It's like take it easy I get more annoyed And this is

I'm not talking about someone on the stage I'm talking about someone in the crowd I get more annoyed When I see people Doing the It's right It's right That's right

Yeah No shit it's right That's why they're saying it on stage Because they're professionals Who fucking know it's right Like that's so true That's so true Yeah

They know We all know Just laugh Why are you Yeah You need to get some of Did you see that That's right. That's why they're saying it on stage because they're professionals who fucking know it's right. Like, that's so true. That's so true. Yeah. They know. We all know. Just laugh. Why are you? Yeah. Did you see that? It's a person on stage.

We all saw it. Yeah. You should see England what it's like because when you perform in London, they make comments the whole time. They heckle you, but not in a mean way. They're like, yeah, I understand. I went to the stool the other day and the same thing happened. Like, yeah, they yell out comments. And you're supposed to just keep it going?

Yes. It's weird. They're not being mean. It's a lot. It's a lot. Because you have to stay focused and listen to their comments the whole time. Like, I had the same experience the other day. I had a scone and it was stuck in my tooth.

That's why I'm doing it. It's relatable. That's why I said it. I know you didn't do. Oh, I completely understand. You know what I mean, Henry? We both understand. They're having whole, so you have to, it's the whole.

Well, something happens too. Some people get in a comedy club and they think they're a comic. You know what I mean? Oh, that happens a lot. They think they're funny. Oh, speaking of DeStefano, did you see that guy at the Hey Babe live show? No. He's up there with Sal. Yeah. Speaking of DeStefano, did you see that guy At the Hey Babe live show? No He's up there with Sal

And I think they do I think they have a mic in the aisle So people come up So I don't think that was that crazy But I think this guy comes down the aisle And he's got his hands up He's kind of like, stop the show And they're like, yes sir, what do you want?

And he's like, $150 right now Poopy in the butt And Sal is like, $150 right now, poopy in the butt. And Sal is like, what does that mean? And he's like, $150. And he's like, is the poop coming out of your butt? Or you want someone to put poop in your butt? And the guy was like so fucked up.

But Sal said something funny. He's like, so before you tell us what's going on, when did you lose your wife, your kids, your family, and your life? How did you get to this point? I love Sal so much. But, like, I mean, you know, imagine for, like, a couple thousand people being like, oh, $150 for pooping your butt. I'd absolutely kill myself. People make the biggest fools out of themselves. And they're always just shit-faced, right?

It's wasted. Yeah. Wasted. I would be terrified to be shit-faced in a comedy club. That'd be the last place I want to be. Oh, yeah. I would just sit there silent no there's always a guy

it can be a woman too trust me but it's normally a man and it just is I don't care that's what it is and I've gone off on people and said when someone's really been mean like wasted and like you suck or whatever I'm like I know you want attention and you hate yourself and you've always wanted to be a comedian.

But your friends are mortified by you. I'll go off and then they look so stupid. I'm like, your friends can't stand you right now. And you're making a fool out of yourself. That's what people are kind of like. Yeah. Yeah. That's like the comedian's version of like, I'm not mad.

I'm disappointed. I'm very disappointed in your act. Everyone in the stream is disappointed in you. You let us all down. You're like, Jesus Christ. All right, we'll go home and fucking reevaluate everything. Yeah, I'm like, you don't want to end up in a church basement putting a dollar in a basket. Take it easy.

You want to go do Answer the Internet? You haven't done that yet? Yeah. Yeah. Let's go do that. So what do you, you got any dates

coming up or anything? I have a ton of dates coming up. I'm going to be on. Sounds like it. Shit. I know. I'm going to be

in Rhode Island. Whereabouts? At the, oh my God, in, oh shit, where am I going to be in Rhode Island?

You fucked up and talked to someone who used to live in Rhode Island. Yeah, look at my schedule to someone who used to live in Rhode Island. Yeah, look at my schedule. 17 people used to live in that state. I'm one of them. Jesus Christ.

Yes, I'm going to be. And then I'm going to be in Rochester at the Carlson. And I'm going to be in Vegas at the Laugh Factory. When's that? That is at the end of the month. That's like beginning of February. I'm there. You are?

February 2nd or 5th, I'm there. Sarah's opening for me. That's what, yep. Really? Yep. We're going to be there the beginning of February. You have to get your tickets. Yeah.

Oh, I would love that. East Providence at the Comedy Connection. Yes. East Providence at the Comedy Connection. He's working GNC over in East Providence. When is this episode coming out? Probably next week. Awesome. Thursday. This Thursday Probably next week. Awesome.

Thursday. This Thursday. This Thursday. That's what it says on our schedule. Oh, good. Great. So you can plug all this in. Yep.

I mean, just go to JessicaCurison.com, and she's in Jersey, she's in Rhode Island, Rochester, Vegas, Bloomington, Montana. Is that what MN is? Minnesota. Minnesota. I was like, do people perform in Montana? Yeah.

I mean, I guess if you go to some of those cities, there's like a city in Montana, right? Yeah, I think it's just a hill. Helena? No. Helena's the capital of... Helena's Montana? Helen is the name of my old housekeeper. Helen is my slave.

Helen does my dirty work. Yeah, so everywhere. Dallas, Tennessee. Yeah, I have a bunch of, ton of dates coming up. How long do you think you do that for? Till I'm 78. That's the date? Till I'm dead.

That's a little light at the end of the tunnel. That's why I'm saving money. I can't. I'm not going to. Buy crypto, bro. Really? No, I don't fucking know. I'm like, really?

No, I mean, I do think you should. This whole podcast is the Ponzi scheme. I'm saving money to buy a little house so I have to have a little farm. I got to have a house to go to. Do you want to just get out one day and be done with all of it? With traveling, doing stand-up, yeah. I'd do two dates a month. That's fine with me.

I don't think I will actually do it, but I say one day I wanna throw the phone out the window and go live on a farm. But I think by day three, I'd be like, what's trending on Twitter? Just yelling my stupid opinions. I need some outlet. Who used to love me.

Yeah, you guys would have to do, I would produce. I want to eventually just become a producer and do some stuff on the side, but I want to produce shows. Amen. That's, yeah.

All right, let's go to Answer the Internet. Awesome. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.