KFC Radio - Are You Garbage is Flabergasted by Feitelberg - Full Episode

Episode Date: January 19, 2023

H. Foley and Kevin Ryan of Are You Garbage join us for the pod today to discuss Childhood debauchery, Bar Mitzva's, the best way to eat a bagel, Disney world, being stuck in the mall with 5 cobras or 1 Gorilla, and much more. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:02:32 What kind of student they each were 00:12:26 Childhood debauchery 00:24:23 The Era When Four Loko First dropped 00:26:16 Kids with Bar Mitzvah's had it so good 00:30:27 Childhood pets 00:33:30 Cruises 00:45:40 Disney World 00:52:09 Scary Drivers 00:55:51 How do you eat your bagels? 01:00:55 WYR be stuck in the mall with 5 Cobras or 1 Gorilla 01:04:22 Backpacking Through Europe 01:10:20 Who's The Biggest A**holeYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Taking granite countertops over here, I'm not really sure. Probably sub-Zs and Vikings, I think. Meanwhile, he's got that big tent around the house. He's got the carnival tape. You're an idiot. Really?

Look who the fuck it is! Look at these fucking guys! Coming in hot! Whistle, pig ass! Oh, my fucking ring light's falling! Kippy, all right? Call the lawyer! What's up, buddy? How are you?

Good to see you. I see two of you. Oh, thank you for the... You were my fucking eyes and ears on the street. Right here, pal. How are you? Happy New Year, buddy. Long waters?

You got waters there? This is good. These are cold. What's up, boys? Look at this. What the fuck is going on, fellas? What are we doing? This is awesome. God. I don't think it's... It's been a little while since you guys have been here, correct? It at this. What the fuck is going on, fellas? What are we doing? This is all right.

I don't think it's been a little while since you guys have been here, correct? It's been a minute, dude. And I think every time we have done this, I keep saying the same thing. Work is, business is good. I feel like you guys just keep on fucking going. Business is good, man. The garbage, your sanitation business is doing all right. Carting and hauling.

I love that if someone were to ask, you know, uncle foley do you could say garbage yeah he's in the garbage business he yeah he's in a waste uh waste management business and believe me he is um but shit it is i mean it's it's one of the great success stories and i feel like we're actually at the point where it's like we know that of the great success stories. And I feel like we're actually at the point where it's like, we know that now. The great success stories. Two idiots figured out a podcast. One of the true American heroes. It is.

It's the new American dream. Is it not? I was going to ask you to borrow seven grand. Yeah, you're nuts, dude. Maybe I should call it one of the great middle-of-the-road accomplishment stories. Sure, yeah, yeah. We make about as much as a plumber, you know what I mean? It's like fucking, you know.

Dude, I'll tell you what. You need plumbers. You need plumbers. With some OT and paid vacay. Everybody has that moment. I think particularly if you're a guy, just because it's, you know, stereotypically us. When you learn sometimes how much plumbers and electricians and garbagemen make, you're like, wait a second. I'm just gonna fucking do this. My whole family, my family

owns a construction company, plumbers specifically, and I would have to cut their paychecks. And I'm like, you motherfuckers are making more than me, dude. This is crazy. It's nuts. They have full bennies the whole time on pension. And then you retire when you're like 28. And you're done. It's crazy. The boys you had in high school that everyone else was going off to college and they

went to to trade school and started working as an apprentice. Getting a union, yeah. All of a sudden, they got a house and you're fucking coked up at some college bar.

And you're 32. You know what it is? It's like, there's a couple years where you're like, they didn't go to college and then all of a sudden it goes,

when you're 200 grand in debt and you don't have a job and he's like, oh, I'm buying my second house in the Hamptons. Yeah, and you get out of college making like 32.5 entry level and he in debt. Oh, I'm buying my second house in the Hamptons. Yeah, and you get out of college making like 32.5 entry level. And he's like, yeah, I'm making 88 plus fucking a 401k.

Did you guys both graduate? Ha! It's one of your dreams. Graduate, graduate. My dream. I still got two years of eligibility left. Westchester, give me a call. I got arguably three.

Really? I don't even. Dude, it is. It's one of my great dreams would be for content, send Feidelberg back to college. Because he's like, I think a couple classes, like one semester. I don't know the answer to that. It depends. I think he's pretty close. To being a beautician.

I do hair. I got to pass my nails exam, and then I'm in. We talk about it probably too much on this show. But every guest is shocked to hear it when it comes. I went to seven different colleges. Of course you did. It's the most Weidelberg shit. I went to 14 colleges, kicked out of nine of them, asked to leave four.

Seven of them? Seven? No. Some I wasn't literally enrolled in. Some I was just Hanging out You're one of those Kids that did that

What Sat in on classes You weren't enrolled You were just Taking classes I was just trying To keep the routine up I was like

I gotta go to college That's real Drifter shit Dude it was Bro at like Fucking UMass Dartmouth Not even the UMass Not even the zoo

Satellite campus Dude a satellite campus Is a tough look University of Miami Pittsburgh or whatever Shout out to Penn State Altoona the zoo. Satellite campus. Dude, a satellite campus is a tough look. University of Miami, Pittsburgh or whatever. Shout out to Penn State. Bro, I still wouldn't go to class. So I would leave my family.

I was leaving my parents. I would leave my family home. This is crazy. And I would buy like an egg and cheese fucking McMuffin or bagel, whatever I'd get it on. And I would just go sit in the parking lot at school, eat it, listen to talk radio. Did they know you were not enrolled, or was this to keep up the guys that you're still enrolled in college?

No, they knew. They were paying to go to college, and I would just sit in the parking lot and eat, and I'd be like, all right, that was a good day, reverse, and drive. Jesus Christ. Like Costanza. At the very least, go to the class and just sit there and eat the sandwich there. Maybe something will go in your brain.

Here's the deal. I was such a fucking asshole. I don't even need a college. Dude, I wasn't on a third grade yet before I was telling people college is a scam. I was like, you know they charge it for textbooks now. Yeah.

But like I would, I remember when I was in there. You got to get into real estate. That's what you want to do. When I was at FSU, I was like, everyone here is so goddamn dumb. Why am I here? And then when I was at UMass Dartmouth, I had a writing course where I actually was going to class and I actually did good in the writing class. The only classes I ever passed were English classes.

But I had written a paper. It was a small writing course where we kind of passed a bunch of papers and we grade everyone's papers in classic discourse style. And someone said to me – Oh, I'd love to get my hands on one of your papers. Bro, I probably got a couple still. I am Fidelberg. My mother could write, dude.

No, I don't doubt that you can write, but I know school writing is very different than blog writing. Oh, I was blog writing the whole time. Oh, you were? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bet the house on the pats. Feidelberg majored in clickbait. Right at the time where you were challenged. This one time I put a little too much on the pats when the baby went down.

This paper has been brought to you by Body Armor Water, ladies and gentlemen. Whistle, sponsor by Whistlep whistle pig use promo code fight but some kid i had read a paper about like i don't know what the paper's about but the kid was like it's really good i very much enjoy it but like i don't know i don't need to make up words and i was like what did you say what does that mean what did you just say what does that mean? What did you just say? What does that mean? You just said. And he's like, like aforementioned. I don't like, I don't know. I get it.

Probably means like before men like, and I was like, well, I'm done with this college now. Yeah. That's crazy. There's an idiot who's enrolled here. So I'm fucking all set with this. Smarter than you. Yeah.

And he's grading your paper. I was big on. Honestly, don't think I went to another grading your paper. I was big on... I honestly don't think I went to another class after that. I was big on aforementioned that kind of shit.

You would type in a word and then I'm like, I need a bigger word for this. And then you just, whatever it was in Microsoft Word at the time,

it was like, you right click it, synonyms, and it would throw in like a $10 word. I'd be like, line, type me up

with these bad boys. Thesaurus.com has got to be one of the most visited fucking sites of all time. Oh, yeah. I mean, anybody who's ever written anything, you just go, change that.

Did you guys ever fuck with Cliff Notes? Oh, yeah. I never even... I wouldn't even know where to get them. It never made sense to me. They always had a little spinny like stand at like the library or the bookstores. They were like yellow. Yeah. And then it became, on the internet,

it was Spark notes spark i remember spark so that was just like cliff notes kind of got taken over that was the uh you know spark notes was like netflix taking over blockbuster yeah spark notes because it was just on the internet i had a high school teacher who fucking he he found the only way i've ever seen someone successfully make cliff notes impossible where he would check our books. We had to write marginalia and he would fucking grade our marginalia. That's not a word. That's not a word.

You get up and walk out. That sounds like a skin condition. Yes, I was just saying I got a bad case of marginalia. I mean, I don't know. That's what he called it. That sounds like a STD. That's wild. I got marginalia on my dick.

No, margin. Like in the notes you'd write in the margins. Marginality. Like it was the notes you'd write in the margins, and he would grade those to see our thoughts on different – Oh, like how you thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like showing your work in math. Showing your work.

Which I hated. But you were defacing a textbook? I don't like that. It's true. We had to pay for them too? Yeah, this was high school too, so you were defacing a textbook? I don't like that. It's true. We had to pay for them too? Yeah, this was high school too, so it was like,

I don't really like the paperbacks kind of deal. Garbage. That's trash. You didn't pay for your textbooks in high school, did you? I don't know.

That's trash. No, you returned them. If you lost them, you had to pay for them. Do you do that on the garbage questions? What?

Like, I remember people, some people, I think we might have bought them in high school. I was a brown paper. Oh, brown paper. Dude, my dad would do it

like he was wrapping a present. It was fantastic. Like the marine flag, right? Oh, it was so good. The first couple weeks with those things, you felt like fucking John Nash walking around.

You started writing on it and everything. It was all right. You felt good, dude. But by the end, for me, I remember they started to make like stretchy. The spandex, yeah.

That shit was wild. Yeah, that shit was. I didn't like that. That was like that was like new money shit. It was also the old school traditional Acme shopping bag. I don't think I did any of it. Of course you didn't. You're probably selling your textbooks. He didn't know. Anybody want a math book?

17 OBO. Bro, I would take my textbooks out and they'd have like a fucking squished apple. Dude, I had a banana in the bottom of my school bag for about four months, dude. And my mom was like, what the fuck is that smell? And I don't know. She's like, it's coming from your school bag. Why the fuck you give me a banana, lady? Have some fucking cookies or something.

Bro, every single, every, for, dude, my entire existence, fucking pre-K through, not through high school, but through, at least through at least through like middle school it was fucking a fruit a pear an apple just so you know I'm throwing I'm destroying it's not even making it to the bus stop lady what are we talking about I'd get like busted by

teachers for like not doing my homework you didn't open your book cause like that fucking apple was there cause there's bacteria growing in it throw out that Snickers bar they also you didn't open your book because that fucking apple was there. Because there's bacteria growing in it. Throw out that Snickers bar. They also had, I feel like if you had a Trapper Keeper in school and the fancy five-star. Sure, five-star was big.

The five-star, five-subject notebook with the hard plastic, that was a fucking game. The ring with the hard plastic, whatever color fucking game the ring with a hard plastic whatever color you had you were flexing on some yeah and those i remember getting those being like this is cool yeah having a little pencil slid in you feel all right we used to take our i'm just i'm learning how dumb i am like i didn't you know what trapper keeper is i know what a trapper keeper is i don't have but you know what a five Keeper is? I know what a Trapper Keeper is. But you know what a five-star is. Five-star notebooks? I know five-stars.

I'm thinking a Trapper Keeper is like one of those accordion-type deals. Yeah, but not for the Penske file. You know what I mean? You don't look like a bad lawyer. No, no, no. Trapper Keeper binders were like... You got the roll-top desk. Oh, is that one of the three punch holes?

It had the three ring, and it would have a notebook in there, a folder. There was a place for a calculator. But a hard plastic cover. It's ringing a bell now. I did not have one. I was against it. No wonder you went to seven colleges. This is not going to be a surprise.

Fucking bozo. I was the one who, like, it was like, by the end of the year, I was out of people who would give me pens. Oh, dude. I've been that guy for a couple of... Oh, Steve! Girls would always give you something because they felt bad for you being an idiot. I was the guy. You give me a nice bick

I'm like right away Here you go You can keep that Mine wasn't even I destroyed them It was just like we've given you 15 By the end of the school year I was getting up asking Because you usually ask someone around you

You turn around I don't know where they went I feel like I was like alright all right, finish the pen. Just chuck it. Yep, that's not yours anymore. I just went in there. If anybody else saw that, that was wild. I wish the fucking camera was on that.

That was great. One in a zillion. No, but I remember I had this one, the Ferrari or the Lambert, whatever that is. Let me see. At what age though? How did you find that so fast? Elementary school, I'll give you that. If you're going to high school with a Ferrari fucking trapper Keeper, I'll give you a wedgie right now.

I think at any level you had a Ferrari Trapper Keeper. That's not a good... These were so fucking... These were it, man. Unless your class had two teachers, that's the only way. The three rings, and then you would get pinched on it. But then the... The five star came out as a canvas.

Not canvas, but like, yeah. We used to take the Trapper Keepers and put a little slit and put our own pictures in there. Really? Yeah. That was the move. Oh, yeah, because it's plastic. Yeah, slide it in there. Take the Optimus Prime out and throw Pamela Andrews in there.

You fucking. Got a fucking chubby all day. Tell everybody that's my girl in Canada. You don't know her. She goes to another school. I was saying this the other day that I had like when I first. Beauty. That rings a bell.

I never had it, but I've seen those. I just had like a black. That's the five star. That's the proper five star. They were all right. In like junior high, they were all right. But then like carrying that became uncool. Because you're trying to learn.

You're like in high school, you're trying to learn. In high school, you're like, you're trying to learn? What are you doing, man? Let's go smoke cigs and drink beer. Backbacks weren't cool in my era either. It was carry a couple of books in your hand. I got, you know, like a girl in the 50s? You remember the belt around it?

Oh, they would miss? Fucking rings would go like that. Yeah. You'd catch your finger in one of those things. Oh, baby! It's like getting hit with a sickle. Just amputate. Just take it.

Take the pinky off. Did you guys do... This is awesome, by the way. I love just talking middle school. Did you guys do the fucking Big Reds? What's that? Where you just give... Of course he has something no one else knows.

With the gum? With the gum, yeah. Where it gets hot or whatever? Yeah, where you fucking... Lick it? You lick it. You lick a piece of Big Red. You look like a person. one else knows with the can't with the gum with the gum yeah where it gets hot or whatever yeah where you fucking lick it you lick it you lick a piece of big red you look like a person you get the person wet don't you like the rapper and maybe they'll maybe lick the rap would work too but i feel like that would get on your tongue you get the person wet what the fuck hey come here for a second i swear to god it's cool let me just get your neck wet real quick it was like they're

yeah i don't you do it's like i don't think they let you lick it. Oh, and like the flavor would... And then you snap it on them. And yeah, it gives you a second degree burn. Ah, no, we never did that. Way worse than you think. I am pretty sure we did. We would lick it and put it on you. Fucking nerd alert.

Maybe that's what it... I know saliva was necessary. Maybe I forget what it is. Licking other people's hands. I know saliva was necessary. Maybe I forget the exact process. But I thought licking the wrapper would get all the poison off. I don't think so. The poison. It's not poison, dude. It's not a snake poison.

Bro, if you put it on your skin and it burns, you're poisoned. It's poison. I'll give you that. You're making good points, Vitor. Try a wet and willy, will you? When's the last time you had an Indian bird? A Native American bird? Native American skin bird.

We're going to bleep that. Like all those things that just, you know, you're never going to... Yeah, there was the one, remember, it was like you would draw the house

and then you'd be like, oh, and you'd be like, did I show... Oh, put the pool in. Yeah, I bought a house. Here's the house and you'd take their hand. Like, here's the driveway,

here's the basketball net and be like, here's the pool and then you would spit in their hand. I remember being... Someone did that to me. I'm like, dude, I will a house. Here's the house. And you'd take their hand. Like, here's the driveway. Here's the basketball net. And be like, here's the pool. And then you would spit in their hand. I remember being, someone did that to me. I'm like, dude, I will fucking fight you right now.

Even though we're six. All those things were so stupid. You just spit on me. My favorite, I got tabletopped once. I still have the fucking scar on my elbow. What's tabletop? That's what you called it, right?

Yeah, yeah. So it was like, I remember I was, What the fuck are you two doing? I will never forget this. I was in 6th grade This dude who was an 8th grader Tabletops should be illegal

It should be attempted murder So one friend just gets down on his head I mean yeah That's good clean fun where I come from That'll take the wind right out of my hair I landed on my elbow Scarred to this day I was a 6th grader

This 8th grade dude came up to me like he's a cool kid. I was like, yo, the eighth grader's coming. And he was like, yo, what's up, man? Saying hello to me. And then he just went, pow. Boom. And I went down, and they immediately were like, oh, fuck. Because I was like covered in blood.

And I was like, what was the point of that other than this? Like you're just fucking knocking people over. That's tough, dude. That sucks. You've got to do that on a carpet or grass. Yeah, I was right on the plate. It hurts there man Cause it's so

Unexpecting And then like your world Your world gets turned upside down Immediately He's right though as much as I was hurting I was looking around like I'm fine Cause I didn't want to be the pussy But I don't know about this guy Fucking poisoning people like a Russian spy

We would do it. So my middle school was on this. On the moon. It was on this really steep hill in Fall River. So we threw the kids off a cliff. Yeah, so we would do it. On this 300 style. So you would tip them over and then they would go down the mountain?

I can't really find a good picture of how steep it is. But for the fucking five people listening to this who went to Morton Middle School and Fodder Bath, it was like right at the fucking... The hill was so tough that we would all hang out halfway up. Because it was just such a journey up. And so we'd hang out halfway up, and always someone would get tabletop, and you'd just see fucking...

Jesus Christ, you're doing that on a hill? Damn, dude. Books flying back and forth. See, that's funny, on a hill? Damn, dude. See, that's funny, though. I'll give you that. Throw me on the concrete, I don't get it. You throw me down a fucking mountain, I'm laughing. Pushing Schmitty on the interstate. It's like that scene from Hot Rod that just keeps going.

Yeah, all that shit. Did you guys shoot wasps at people? Shoot wasps? Where did you guys go to the fucking Amazon High? Poisoning each other and fucking shooting insects? Shooting wasps where did you guys where did you guys go to the fucking Amazon high fucking Con Air poisoning each other fucking shooting shooting insects shooting wasps

I think it was like you would take not that I was stealing cigs from my dad that's what I was doing you say from or for both the guy needed his fix

you would take paper and you would do it smaller than this but I'm just doing this because the smaller it is the harder they are and then it hurts more but you would take this, and you would do it smaller than this, but I'm just doing this because the smaller it is, the harder they are, and then it hurts more. But you would take this. Oh, the rubber band?

You would bend it around the rubber band. I'll give you that. You could pinch it. Oh, yeah. I didn't know you guys had names for that. I called it shooting paper with a rubber band. Real old school. You'd get caught in the neck with one of those.

We had one time. You flick the coins. I can never do that. Or the bottle cap. I do it, but it goes I don't know, I'm doing something wrong because I do it and it just shoots down. I feel like that kid didn't graduate though. He absolutely did not.

He probably died in high school. Dude, he came in one day freshman year of high school. He came in like there was one kid. Physics class. He comes in like there was one kid. Dude, physics class. He comes in, he just goes, Feidelberg. And he's like that, right? And it fucking smoked me right in the eye.

You know if you push your eye back hard enough, like you pass out? So it just – No, you know. Shout out to Dr. Feidelberg. It hit me in the eye and I – Like a train dart. Like, dude, like exactly like a train dart. Like it dude, exactly like a train dart. Like, just fucking knocked me out cold.

And then the school, I scratched my retina. I had to go to the nurse and all this stuff. And the nurse just, like, told my mom. She was like, you're going to, like, you should sue the city, sue the school. You're going to do well. And I was like. Who said that? The nurse?

The nurse said that to my mom. I was like, we're not suing the fucking school. Cut me in 10%. I'll play ball, lady. Put this neck brace on. Man, that's the dream. I got injured twice where my mom was told we should sue. What was the other one?

The other one was when I got E. coli. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember that story. And they were like, you should sue the people who sold you rotten meat. Yeah, you know, you sue your fucking mother for cooking it and giving it to you. That's not true. I couldn't have a different job other than this stupid one. Hell yeah.

If I had got my two settlements for my E. coli. Yeah, I mean, yeah, right. You would hit up J.G. Wentworth to get your money right away. It's my money and I need it now. I got to go back to college again. Million dollar settlement. You take $2,500 up front. See you around, suckers.

I used to... Dude, I used to... This is so fucked up. When I was a kid, Iers. I used to. I used to. This is so fucked up. When I was a kid, I was like two years old. I was like an infant. And I won $5,000 saving money. I was two years old.

I was an infant. Or two completely different things. He doesn't know. When it comes to kids. I was an infant. I was about 14, 15. You weren't two years old. You don't remember that. I'm surprised he didn't say it. Every story is usually I was six or seven. And then he's like, so I was like 14, 15. You weren't two years old. You don't remember that. Everything. I'm surprised you didn't say it.

Every story is usually I was six or seven. And then he's like, so I was like six or seven. I'm in the car driving. There I am getting my dick sucked. I'm about two, two and a half. I got my best girl

and her kid with me. What are you talking about? Yeah, dude, you're nuts. All right, so you're two years old. I was an infant. I know because there are pictures of this day where I won like a $5,000 savings bond. Who are you doing a 50-50 as a baby? How do you win a savings bond?

Can't you play blackjack? So I'm on a heater at the Trump. They don't want me to leave, so they give me a $5,000 savings bond and the palm sweet for the night. They told me the plane didn't work. I had to stay. You're a fucking idiot. A $5,000 savings bond. He won.

He just won it. So it was just a random person selected at Gillette. It actually wasn't Gillette. I think it was Sullivan Stadium or whatever. Okay. And it was just a random seat. And these people... You had your own seat at two?

It was. I think so. He's not two in this. He's clearly not two. He's probably nine. I don't remember. You've seen the picture. You don't remember fucking two weeks ago.

I got you. You were a kid. You were a kid. In the pictures, my dad's holding me. So I'm that young. You're young enough. A toddler. You're like this.

We hold you like this. No, he's up. All right. But that can be like seven. Anyway, fucking yours. You were probably passed out drunk. 28. The person who was actually sitting in the seat was my cousin who went to boarding school. It was his friend from Mexico.

And so the people came down and they're like, you want a $5,000 savings bond? And my dad's like, great. My son John Henry's going to have it. And my cousin was like, Uncle John. It's Ricardo's seat. Like, Ricardo's sitting in that seat. My dad's like, look. He was.

I'm glad Ricardo had a good day today. I hope he had fun. He's not going back to fucking Juarez with five grand. He's technically not even a citizen. He can't own a US savings bond. I have to do the math on it. Who's going to fill out the paperwork? Let me call ICE right now.

Ricardo's going home. We're taking the bond with us. So I actually go on the field, and I meet the U.S. treasurer. She's the only woman. What is he talking about? This isn't real, right? They made me head of finance for a couple of weeks. He has a picture on his wall or something. I forget her name.

She's the only U.S. Secretary of Treasury to ever go to jail To lose her job She was super corrupt Like recently no? No she went to jail pretty shortly after this But anyway I get this $5,000 I'm so young my parents just do whatever with it

And then when I get to middle school High school age I'm like where's my $5,000 You guys stole my fucking money. I've done that move a lot to my mom, and that has not received well. They are not happy when you go, give me my cash. I'll call JG right now.

I got a bunch of savings bonds and never saw a dime. Communion was supposed to be there. I got robbed at a birthday party one time for a C-note. Never let that broad live. In the moment you're upset, and then the circle of life, I will be stealing anything that comes my way from my kids. So you've got to wait it out.

You're on the sheet. As a kid, you're on the fucking sheet. You're in the red. And then it's like, all right, you finally start making a couple of bucks. That's got to pay off the house. Oh, I never saw that five grand. And then I think it went to, because in the frame thing we thing we have that day there's a letter from victor kiam they paid 900 grand for colleges i think you're up it was like victor kiam i believe was the

president of the patriots at the time and it was like dear john i'm so happy you won this i know you're going to put it towards smart money like your son's safe education or whatever smoking ketamine i just pictured you as a two-year-old getting these letters. Dude, I'm going to call him. Mom, do I have any mail? You're like, what? You're a fucking toddler. I'm going to see if my mom is home right now.

I'm asking her for a picture of the framed thing. My stepdad, rest in peace, he just passed, but he owned a townhouse. And when I graduated college, I rented it from him. And he was so against it. He's like, dude, no way. You're going to fuck it up. And we fucked it up. And I was living at home and I moved out of my house with my mom and my stepdad to his rental property.

And within nine months, the place was four loco. It just dropped. So it's like, we just fucked this place up. You know the era I'm talking about. That's a rough time for everybody. That's such a good thing. How you put a pin in a time.

Four Loko had just come out. It was crazy. 24 years old. Four Loko just dropped. And it was just fights. That was our Vietnam. Dude, you were 48 when it dropped. What are you talking about?

I was crushing him. So we fuck it up. He put in white carpets right before we moved in. Like a fucking bozo. We immediately ruined the carpets. Sig holes, four low, just red shit everywhere, dirt. So we move out and he keeps the security deposit. Doesn't even like attempt to be like, hey, I'm going to give it back to you.

Or this is what it costs on the road. He was just like, you fucking asshole. I knew this wasn't going to work. So I moved back into his house. I moved from his rental property back into his house. I'm laying on the couch, and I'm like, mom, he better give me that fucking $1,200. If he don't give it to me, I'm going to take him to fucking court.

I'm going to sue him. I've read my rights. He has 30 days to provide a list of detailed items where all of that money went, and he has to provide me the balance. If not, I'm taking him to court. I was like, you shut the fuck up right now. You ungrateful piece of shit. You ruined his goddamn house.

I was like, fuck, dude. So should I send the invoice to you? Looking back, I'm like, you fucking little piece of shit. The man threatened to take my stepdad to court after ruining his house. Yeah, I held that communion money over my mom for a fucking few years. Because I remember when I got older, I rekindled it because communions, I don't know, probably, what are you, 10, something like that?

Eight, second grade. All my Jewish friends, when they were 13, they had these fucking porn statues. The fucking Jews, man. That were fucking racking up like 20, 30, 50 Gs. Dude, a Jewish grandmother drops you about 10 Gs on a fucking... When I heard my Jewish friends were like, yeah, I walked away with $5,000. That was nothing. We were doing like 30 and 40.

Really? I mean, to me, if you just even said the word thousand, it might have been a million. Like, you have thousands of dollars now? And the party was awesome. The party was sick. The inflatable thing and the rockers. It's all fucking... Fully fanatic running awesome. The party was sick. The inflatable thing and the rockers. It was all fucking silly fanatic running around. It was fucking nice.

There, luckily, I never knew this as a kid. Luckily is a weird way to say it, but luckily I didn't grow up around Jewish people. So I had no idea about bar masters until I moved to New York. They were a big time, man. That was like fucking Saturday at the Copa. They were fun. Actually, it's funny until I saw Entourage. I was like, wait, they do it big over there.

It's a whole scene, man. Remember that MTV show that was like 2016? They also had some bar mitzvah action in there where it's like, some of these Jewish dads would be like, how much does Drake cost? Let's get him in here for a performance. If we have any 12-year-old Jewish listeners, hit us up. We'll come to your bar mititzvah for 10 grand. I'll do it.

I'll cheat with a drink. And I'll bring a 30 rack and sneak you beers. I'm not fucking kidding you. I play ball, guys. I am not kidding. I would do that in a heartbeat. You get some rich dad who's like, I want KC Radio at my kid's Bar Mitzvah. I am fucking there.

You'll do it? No joke. 10,000%. Are you? Yes. I would go to a thing for actual money. you at my kids bar mitzvah i am fucking there you're no joke ten thousand percent are you yes that i would go to a thing for for actual money would you i would do anything in new york for 1200 bucks i would go anywhere in new york city for 200 just for the fun of it just for the story dude would you sneak him beers yeah i don't give a fuck dude i was thinking about that recently we were talking about something like hold on a second. Folks, he would not sneak them beers. Go ahead.

I'm sorry. How about this? I definitely will. I don't know if kids are still doing this, but if you walk into the liquor store and there's a kid waiting outside, are you buying him booze? I want to do that because that sounds like a sting operation where I come from. No one's doing that anymore. I don't know if it happens. I used to rip Hey Buddies.

Yeah? Oh, yeah. You got to do it. But that was back then. Now, if you're hanging out in front of a convenience, maybe in the middle of New York or the surrounding area, I'm not doing it. What about if you had kids? Would you do, is your house the party house?

If I had not like that. I'd rather keep it under my roof so nobody's drinking and driving. I don't like that. It's the 90s. You can't do that here. I would say you can fucking pop the- I would jam you up. The problem is somebody gets hurt, someone drinks too much, kids are having sex in your

house and shit like that. I just texted you the photo. Oh, but Nick has it. I just texted him. Nicky Bones is all over the kid. I'm pretty- I kind of nailed that one. You're not two at all. You did that quarantine thing.

No, that's- I mean, in non-child person having eyes, you're two. I'll give you that. He's like, you're 36 months easily. You're two. Fuck yeah, man. He's got the fucking, he's got it. Sitting on five G's too. Holy shit.

Get a Choco Taco. Whatever you boys want. Johnny's fan. My mom's actually sending me a bit of pictures. I texted her asking her to take a picture of it. I forget her name, but she is the only woman to ever be arrested as Secretary of Treasury. And then we got the Grandfather Clocks.

I mean... I win a lot. I win a lot of raffles. I never win. He won two lot Win a lot of raffles You won a I never won Really shit Two grandfather clocks Two grandfather clocks In raffles What'd you grow up in

The 1800s Who the fuck's Giving that away I know How about a mini bike Who the fuck's Giving that away Who's really happy

Other than like Probably some like Grandmother who like Thinks that's great decor Like if I went somewhere And I won a grandfather clock, I'd be like, don't get me wrong, but in the moment, I'm like,

what? As a kid? Can I get cash value, please? What are we doing? That's nuts. Or how about when we were kids and you'd go to the carnival or whatever, you'd come home with a bunch of goldfish and a bag of water. That's way better than a grandfather clock. That is a couple days of fun. Something to kill real quick? Keep tinies for a couple of water. I remember my mom being like, what the fuck is this? That is a couple days of fun.

Something to kill real quick? Keep tiny for a couple of days? I remember my mom being like, this is going to be dead in a day and then I have to deal with these, you know, crying over that shit. I had a hermit crab for about five years. I don't know what the fuck he was eating.

Those are the ones in a little shell. He smelled when he died. He was killing her for a while. I hated going into my sister's room because she had a hermit crab. It fucking stinks. It smells like a pet store, dude. It's awful. And I had an iguana in my room.

What the fuck? You ever had weird pets? Yeah, we had a lot. We had mice. Not mice. We had gerbils, hamsters, ducks, chickens. What are you, on a chickens. No. For one year for Easter, my sister was like 12

or something and her friends got baby chicks. They were like a dollar. There was a farm 40 minutes away that all these moms drove to. That's a fun couple of weeks though. He died the second night.

It doesn't get cuter than that. He died the second night? He tried getting out of the cage and fell and broke his neck. No way. So he went. We had two ducks. They went rogue and started biting us. It was a whole scene.

The ducks were like, wah, wah. Yeah, the ducks bit me. We had to get rid of them. We let them go in a pond. I don't think they were domesticated. Yeah, I mean, I was like seven. It hurts. It scares the shit out of you.

Yeah. They were like, chasing you, dude? Oh, my God. I tried it like birds. Yeah, well, you see them with their mouths open. And they move on the ground. Have you ever seen? Then they can take flight and you're done.

You go to certain suburbs and there's a lot of geese, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't fuck around. They don't fuck around. And there's nothing more embarrassing. If you're a grown man and a goose is chasing you, you're running for your life. You can't do anything, dude. You're running for your fucking life.

You can't punch a goose. Yeah, what are you going to fucking do? I'll fucking hole up and hit a goose. I'm just saying. You're never ready for it,. What are you going to fucking do? I'll fucking haul off a head of goose. You're never ready for it, though. And their necks are smaller. It's like... Oh, you mean the head movement? Yeah, there's no way.

I bet you couldn't touch a fucking goose. I'd love to try. That's why I hate her. Especially if you're walking around the pond with your girl and a hot dog. All of a sudden, the flying V breaks out on you. You're fucked. I watched a kid kick a goose once. We were on campus at Fordham.

I was walking with my buddy. I know that sound, unfortunately. I hit one with a golf ball one time. It's like a hollow thud. Dude, I wailed one with a three. Not on purpose. I just fucking worm burned this thing And it barely got off the ground

It's like a hollow thud I watched this kid kick the goose And my buddy who I was walking to the Cafeteria with he saw it And went like vigilante justice I watched him he ran like across Our quad and he did like a WWF two legged drop kick

To this kid Respect that To the kid our quad and he did like a WWF two-legged drop kick to this kid. To the kid. I lost track for a second. I thought he did a double drop kick. Get that motherfucker! We just gave away a cruise on our live stream which

it just turned into us. We just got to give this guy cash now because we were drunk. We were like, oh, we'll give away a $1,000 gift card to a cruise line. You get to pick the cruise line, like wherever you are in the world, whatever, or the country. And then we got drunk, and so it's like, you know what? We'll just give you the $1,000 cash, right? And then Bully's like, and I'll pay for your airfare.

So it's like now we've got to come out of pocket. We've got to come out of pocket two grand to some guy in California. Because he's a Patreon guy? Was he a Patreon guy or was he just a random? We did a live stream on, like, Moment. He's just a random person. Yeah, he bought a ticket to the live stream, and if you bought a ticket

to the live stream, you get entered, and you get fucking entered in the contest. So now I'm like, I don't know how to send this guy two grand. Like, do I write him a check? I don't know. Where does he live? I think in California. You get Venmo, no? What's the geese have to do with that?

I don't know. What are we doing with that? I don't know. We're talking about giveaways. Oh. I want more geese in town stories. You think you don't have a checkbook? I apologize.

Yeah, who has a checkbook? You do? I got a checkbook. I got to pay my rent. I write a check every month. Really? Yeah. a checkbook. I got to pay my rent. I write a check every month. Really? Yeah. It's crazy.

But also, I think I can have it automatically taken out of my account. Yeah. Of course you can. It's New York in 2023. I get an email like once every six months. I'm being like, can you fucking give us your account number and all that shit? I'm like, I don't know. Really?

I'll give you halfway on that. Well, that, yeah. You know, some of these fucking, you're talking about the landlord? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I'm giving out information to landlords. I don't know. Really? I'll give you halfway on that. Well, that, yeah, you know, some of these fucking, you're talking about the landlord? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if I'm giving out information to landlords. I don't auto-pay my rent, but I'll schedule a payment on the app. But that's too big of a thing for auto-pay. Yeah.

Somebody gets cute over there, takes two out one month, I'm done. Yeah, you stop watching. I'll be looking for a geese. It's a house of cards. Be getting that cruise money back. Well, wait, so this cruise is just for them? Yeah, it's just for them. It's like you're going on it.

Yeah. He got me a cruise for Christmas. I was going to say, I heard you saying you want to go on a cruise, right? Whoa, thank you. Yeah, I had to eat my words a little bit. I fucked up. Yeah. I saw the evidence.

He got me a cruise for Christmas, and I fucked up. I saw the evidence. He got me a cruise for Christmas and I fucked up. I caught a lot of shit for being a dickhead that I can be sometimes. He got me a cruise for Christmas and I was like, dude, that's I'm like, that's I will say that's a nice obligation. That's like, now I gotta go on a

fucking cruise. Agreed. And then the only time available was hurricane season as well. She's like, October's wide open. That was my bad. Now wait, did you do that because he specifically said this

or you just were just picked out of a hat on the cruise? No, because he specifically said it. And I figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal because the

one I was thinking, he sent him down to the Bahamas from Miami, hop a flight, hop a Delta flight down to Miami. Now I'm out airfare too.

Which I didn't really think about. He could have took one from New York and gone north. He could have went up to Boston on a cruise. Who wants to go to... Are we whale watching? I'd rather take the Staten Island ferry for three days. Fucking three days on Deadliest Catch.

I'm on the Cornelia Marie. I'm going on the cruise I'm gonna go on the cruise Is this your first one ever? First ever, yeah, yeah, yeah I've only been on one Is it trash? Because I think there's like high end

And then there's trash ones I think they're all trash I bet you it's nicer than There are some Obviously there's like You can get like sweets and shit You know what I mean? You should go like during

Like spring break season and shit And just see what kind of trash it's out there. I had a third-class cabin. Yeah, I'm down with Leo, dude. He's fucking shoveling coal into the thing that keeps the fucking steamboat going. Bro, I did a—I won a trip, actually, on a Bud Light booze. Dude, this is— Oh, Bud Light booze crew? How many things have you won?

A lot. Who's entering that many things, dude? I know. I'm always so suspect of filling anything out. What was the grandfather clock for? What were you involved in that? Like elementary school, like PTA. I have no idea.

What? It was like... That doesn't even make sense. And actually, what ended up happening, too, is I won so often that my family just started putting my name in for stuff. Thinking like... You had the hot name. happening too is I won so often that my family just started putting my name in for stuff. I think I actually technically only won one of the Grandfather Clocks, but the other one my name was pulled out.

For somebody else put in. But this one, the Bud Light Booskers was... Like Mr. Papa Giorgio. Put a dollar in it with a car. Put a dollar in it with a car. We were... Barstool Sports was giving away a Boos... This is 20 years ago. We used to sell those in New York too. Yeah, and I knew the Bud Light reps. We were We were Barstool Sports was giving away A booth This is Yeah Because I remember

We used to sell those in New York too Yeah And I knew the Bud Light reps So while I'm at this event And we're We're giving out this cruise And they were like Fights

Don't even name it And I was like No that's crazy I'm not gonna fucking put my name in They're like dude There's like 500 people here Like just fucking put it in Like who cares

And I was like I guess I'll throw it in Put in my name First one out. John Feidelberg. I've never heard such boos. Yeah, you can't win as a guy, dude. That's like the DJ winning the radio.

Holy shit, it's me. It was legit. It was legit, yeah. So I was already on the stage because we were giving it away. You were making the announcement, and the winner is. I'm going on a cruise. See you around, losers! People are screaming, rigged!

So what we ended up doing is... It was rigged. It was genuine. But we ended up pulling another name. I still went on the cruise, but we pulled another name to give them. But on this cruise, I thought... The Bud Light booze cruise commercials, they were fucking hotties all over the place. It was like Kenny Chesney, fucking Pipple, All-American Rejects, all this private island you go to like a concert for.

This wasn't recently, was it? It was, no, like 10 years ago. That's good to say. And I have, the Bud Light booze cruise in particular, I can't speak to other cruises. I've never been around. Oh, Lil Jon was on the boat. Damn. Lil Jon's awesome. Yeah, he DJ was on the boat. Lil Jon's awesome.

He DJ'd the party one night. He is awesome. It was the most white trash thing I've ever heard. But if you go into that expecting that and being like, let's play the part and dive in. I was expecting college hotties. Because that's what the Bud Light Boots Cruise commercials were. Yeah, it's like the Coors Light train when you see

it in a commercial. You're like, oh, this is awesome. And it's like, nah. It ended up being like a bunch of people. So all of us got jerking off when it pulls up. It was a bunch of people from the Midwest who were like flabbergasted that I won it in like that way. Sure. Whereas they're like, oh, we are. No, they're. No, they're professional contest winners is what they were.

Where they have like Facebook groups where they like share. I don't even understand how it works. I forgot i find the edge on the odds but it was like yeah it was finding the odds of like what could you have to buy like 30 packs was how he was one and it was like oh like they got the hot hand over here in fucking schenectady or wherever like it was like all like they follow it yeah no those those contest people somebody reached out to me we're at a show or something she's like i've, and she was telling me all the tickets she'd won on radio contests. She's like, I want this. Yeah, contest people are fucking nuts. It's like they figured out how to game it, like how to get that extra edge.

How about, did you see the Netflix special on that kid with the Pepsi? Yeah. He kind of came off like a fucking asshole. Yeah. Like I said. Of course he is. They had Pepsi. Do you remember that whole?

I remember the initiative. That was fucking cool. I don't remember this at all. Pepsi had this proof of purchase. That was fucking cool Pepsi had this like Proof of purchase If you bring in proof of purchase I mean they were so overpriced You could get a glass, a leather jacket, a t-shirt

But it would be like You'd have to drink like 2,000 cases of Pepsi To get a t-shirt And in the commercial They were like, you know, this costs $2,000 and this costs $10,000 and then they had this kid land in

a Harrier jet. When Harrier jets just hit the ones that would take off like helicopters. Oh, okay. Was it True Lies or whatever? Yeah, True Lies. And it said like, it said $7 million. $70 million. $70 million, whatever. But it was a joke. But on the screen screen it didn't say

like this is a joke or like actual product not included whatever and so he this kid was like that's advertising like either that's false advertising or you have to give it to me and he figured out a scam with some dude who kind of bankrolled him and they bought pepsi for like three years kept all the things and they went to them they're like give me my fucking jet and they made a they made a netflix special special on it just like two or three months ago. And he was like, I just want my jet. But he was just like, what the fuck are you going to do with a jet, you fucking asshole? There was one guy.

Take the money. What are you doing, man? I just want my jet. I could rent it out. I'm like, shut up. Nobody's going to rent it. Where are you going to keep that fucking thing? There was one guy who was like, it could have been.

Fuck, dude. Dude, who wants that? You're going to fucking wake up. Your throat's going to be slit in the middle of the night. That's just asking to get. Fuck, dude. Dude, who wants that? You're going to fucking wake up. Your throat's going to be slit in the middle of the night. That's just asking to get whacked, dude. The guy on the special was basically like you going, like, you know what you're doing right now. You know that that didn't count. He was just like screaming because that's kind of the point.

I even get that, hey, man, it doesn't count. They got caught. You caught them. They fucked up. Whatever. There had to have been a counteroffer, man, it doesn't count. Like, you got, like, they got, you got, you caught them, they fucked up, whatever. There had to have been a counteroffer, a van, something like that. They did offer them, like, I do think the first offer Pepsi fucked up was like, hey, we'll give you, like, three coupons for three free six-packs. It was real low, and he came back like, fuck you. Some Super Bowl tickets.

And then they came back with something else, and he was like, no, no, no. And then they were like, they finally were like, oh, dude, we're Pepsi. You're just a guy. Yeah. We will just go to court for like six years. What was our barstool gift cards for? What was our big fuck up? Oh, we stole a girl's content.

Yeah. That was tough. But also fuck that girl. Yeah, back in the day, Twitter, like, you were able to take someone's content, repost it, tag them, like, share it with them. But a girl got very mad, and then our lawyer offered her a $50 coupon. Oh, that's a good one. To our own store. Hey, how about a t-shirt?

That's just smart business right there. Keep it in house. Did she bite on it? Oh, no, no. I think I remember this blog. All right, we'll do 75. She tweeted that out, and even Dave was like What fucking idiot

Offers that That's a slap in the face So Where are we at On like your various Patreon tiers I know you like took a limo At one point What have you done and what's next?

So the first one, we did Cribs Edition of the houses we grew up in. That was the first one. That was cool. And two, then we did Dave and Buster's with you guys. Yes, that was great. We had a bunch of guests. Nicky was there. Nicky was there.

It was like 25 guests at all, like New York guys, and we all just fucking hung out, ate, drank, played games. That was great. That was a good time, man. Did you win the basketball contest? You were in it. I didn't win it, but I was. You got to the finals or something. Yeah, I was in the final four, play games. That was a good time, man. Did you win the basketball contest? You were in it. I didn't win it, but I was... You got to the finals.

Yeah, I was in the final four, I think. Did a pop-a-shot contest. One of your boys... I think it was Takar. He was doing bench shots. He was just winging it at the backboard, and it was just dropping in. I know Ryan Long was fucking hilarious.

Long was doing good. Long, I think, had the line. He was like, I've never left a place not with the high score. Anywhere that has this, I am the winner. When you get a group of fucking comedians in a Dave & Buster's, you see the real dirtbaggedness. I was just happy to be in the finals. I mean, I didn't even fucking care if I was in the finals.

I was like, oh, cool, I'm in the finals. Ryan Long and them were so dialed in, like, I have to fucking win this. You know who was the big loser that day? It was Mike Cannon. Because he was like, he's good at basketball. Oh, he is a basketball player. And he went first and had like 42. And the rest of us put up like, I'm Mike Cannon. And he was like,

I remember Mike being like, I'm distraught right now. He wasn't warmed up yet. He was eating nachos. Meanwhile, if any of us played something on a real basketball court, he would fucking annihilate any of us. But this wacky hoop moving back and forth shit, he didn't do well. And he was like, well, I have to kill myself now. Like, I'm done. I did feel like it was that four-minute mile thing.

Like, once everybody consistently did better. It was like, oh, I can get 40. I can get 45. I can get 50. Yeah, the guy who went first. Yeah, Mikey went first. But whoever – Tom Takar, yeah yeah he's a real

fucking dirtbag he hit me up he was like yo what time you getting here and this was at like say the party started at like five or whatever he's like what time you getting here it was like 240 i'm like what i'm like i don't know at five man and he's like i'm here practicing i'm like oh dude he put up like doing 310 points yeah but he was what dude he was just like he was just throwing it like it was a quarterback. It was just hitting the thing. Hitting the backboard and falling in. We did that. We did Foley's first limo ride.

That doesn't bother me. We have Disney coming up in two weeks. He's never been to Disney, so we're going to do a week at Disney. Disney on ice yesterday. Oh, I saw that. You were front row, too. Shout out to Game Time, our sponsor.

They hooked it up. No, Pr. Second row. Shout out to Game Time, our sponsor. They hooked it up. Was that at the Garden? No, Prudential Center. Okay. Oh, this is in Jersey. Yeah, I heard you say next door. Oh, yeah. I went all the way to Jersey.

I was thinking it was the PNC Center, like all the way down on the Garden State. And I didn't realize that it was like Prudential Center, like a little spot, like in a little bubble, I think, around Newark where it's like, stay in this zone. But it was nice. The performance was great. I mean, my daughter fucking loved it. If you're a little girl, it's money. That's a Super Bowl. But it was, you know, we grew up on Disney movies, so it's obviously ice skating and

princesses is obviously for chicks. But if you grew up on this shit, you can watch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. I mean, I'm taking him in two weeks. He's more excited about Disney than anything. Are we doing rides? Are we doing Epcot drinking? Are we doing Mickey ears?

We're definitely doing Epcot drinking. Do the Mickey ears and get fucked up, but I'm not going to fit on any of the rides. I know that. I'm not waiting two hours to get on a roller coaster and he gets tossed at the front of the line. I just want to walk around the Star Wars thing for a little while. Have a drink at the bar, check out the fucking Millennium Falcon. That's it.

I was, we literally were just talking about this with Bob Fox and he was telling me like, I didn't realize there were all these worlds there now. I guess it's like a toy story world. Oh, it's pretty cool. I was just down there with my family. I'll check that out. Really? Like, yeah. It was like, I guess it's like, it feels like you're in a kid's room where everything's giant, but you're a toy. It's huge.

Like the slinky dog. Yeah, that's what you say. The slinky dog. It's like what you walk under. It's like, you know, it's probably where everything's giant, but you're a toy. It's huge. Like the dog, the slinky dog. Yeah, that's what you walk under. It's like, you know, it's probably like 120 feet long. And I guess there's Avatar World, which I don't even know. I don't think I've ever seen Avatar. There's a couple of rides, the Soarin' or whatever. I don't even know what movies they're based off of anymore. It's like, it's kind of like, it's pretty, it fucks you up because like you sit in, it's

like a roller coaster and you sit in it like straight and then the whole thing lifts and you go out into this screen that fully surrounds you and then all of a sudden you're there and you're hanging and you just drop off a cliff. It feels like it's all sensory deprivation. Do you move or does the screen move? You move a little bit but the screen moves.

But then they have the wind. You'll go through the Serengeti. You're flying over the Serengeti and you can smell the grass. You can smell the dirt. You'll go through the Serengeti. You're flying over the Serengeti, and then you can smell the grass. You can smell the dirt. You can hear the animals running. I'm not going to fit in that shit. Nah, dude.

You're not. It's a fucking scene, though. Those sensory deprivation ones, fucking. I start panicking. You really feel like you're falling off the Great Wall or whatever. When I was in fifth grade, I did the fucking alien ride, which I don't think is there anymore. I don't know that one, yeah. And it was like, the alien,

which I'd never even seen the movie. I don't know why my dad took me on this fucking ride. And I wasn't like, let's go do alien. I'm sure that's what it was. But I was so small, because I was a child, in the ride, that when it spits on your face, I reacted.

It's like someone spit on my face. So I went to duck, but I was so small, I couldn't still duck into a metal bar. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The shoulder harness wasn't high enough. An adult was just like, nope, I'm fine. And I came out just bloody. We're suing!

What the fuck did you just do to me? Get another settlement Disney pays too I'm sure no that's that's their famous thing right nobody's ever died

on Disney property because they just drag them next they took you they have that series of underground tunnels they take you down there

and flush you out flush you out it's like how they they do with the I don't know what highway maybe it's Route 88 or Route 26 One of the big highways in America

Way more people die on that highway Than die on the Autobahn And it's because the Autobahn If you're not dead when they get there You didn't die on the Autobahn They also, dude, I've driven a bunch on it It wasn't a car accident It was a whatever

Can you really go like 200 miles an hour? You say you've driven on a bunch on it was a whatever can you really go like 200 miles an hour whatever your car you say you've driven on a bunch on it yeah yeah my wife's german german oh so we would go like every time i'm over that and also autobahn is just their word for highway yeah yeah so like i thought the autobahn was like a specific thing she's like we're getting on the autobahn i'm like again like she's like that's just highway like it's just like yeah and certain places uh i forget what the the signal is it's like you know uh there's a circle around it or no circle around it and whatever the indicator is means you can just fucking open it up but the germans follow rules very tightly hence the 40s

you know what i mean they're very like whatever said they just fucking follow and you know they don't ask questions they go this is what we do. All right. Yes, sir. Yeah. You know? And so nobody, and then she drives over here. She's like, this is chaos. Like, people passing on the right lane. She's got a lead foot, dude. She drove his car. We were all fucked up upstate one night. She was, like, blowing stops on it.

She's crazy. Fucking Jason Bourne. She is. Well, she's also not used to driving automatic transmissions, so she, like, gets bored. You know what I mean? She gets, like, forgets that she's driving. Like's driving and be like oh shit i don't think i knew your wife was german that's wild so uh we'll drive and they all stay in the middle lane so just say there's three lanes no one's in the left lane unless you're passing and then like if you see

it properly executed it's like music like you don't have to worry but everyone has to be nice in an agreement that's the they just operate under where it's like music. You don't have to worry. But everyone has to be nice and in agreement. They just operate under that. It's like the fucking dickheads on the Jersey Turnpike that won't move out of the left lane. And they're doing fucking 60. But even worse than that is when it's time to merge and it's like, you know, it's a zipper. You go, I go.

It's one for one. It's the standard. It's the society, people. And you got some guy who's inching up almost touching the bumper and not letting you in and he's side-eyeing you like, I'm not letting you in. It's like standard. It's the society, people. And you got some guy who's inching up, almost touching the bumper, and not letting you in, and he's side-eyeing you like, I'm not letting you in. It's like for fucking one car length, dude. You're going to get one car length in head? Standard one for one all the time.

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on YouTube to subscribe. I hate that. The other thing, I actually just saw this the other day. I'm looking it up right now. What German cars do in traffic on the Autobahn.

What's that? Where they all pull to the side. Oh, no. This is also crazy because they all follow the rules. Again, like they just know. Like if an ambulance comes. If an ambulance comes,

instead of like, ah, moving over, zigzagging, let's just say, say it's three lanes again. The left lane pulls all the way over as far left as they can and the two right lanes

pull over as far right as they can. And then it's just a huge lane that all the emergency vehicles come through they can. And then it's just a huge lane that all the emergency vehicles come through. Look, yeah, it's crazy. It's like music, dude. Seeing them do it, it's like it's like perfectly orchestrated. All those people agreeing is crazy.

Dude, that's all they know. I'm guilty of this. I love getting behind. I was going to say. So nobody can be right behind. So not one person says I'm hitting the fucking I'm riding that way You couldn't do it in America

That's my freedom Yeah I know Suck my dick That's what I'm saying Red Buddy's in that ambulance I don't know how bad of a fire this was Or how bad of an emergency I saw a truck going uptown, a fire truck going uptown on 7th Avenue against the traffic.

I've seen that before. I was like, yo. And I'm assuming maybe it was like one block over and rather than go all the way down and around. But it looked like he was going for at least a couple blocks. You're going against the traffic. Damn. Dude, I saw. Could have been another lawsuit for you. You're going against the traffic. I am. Could have been another lawsuit for you.

You're laying in the middle of the road. I saw on the West Side Highway, I was going up. I live uptown, so I'm going uptown. It's nighttime. After shows or whatever, it's midnight. This guy is going the wrong direction. We're going north on the West Side Highway. He's coming down

on the upside. I don't know how the fuck he got on the... He's in He's coming down on the upside. I don't know how the fuck he got on the... In the wrong lane, no headlights. Just cooking. Dude, and people are fucking flying out of the... It was crazy. Yeah, that is. Luckily, the guy was like a good driver. My guy was a good driver. He was like...

We saw him at the last minute. That was always the urban myth as a kid. The guys that ran coked in the black Lamborghini. Where night vision. They would turn all their lights off and night vision. What? That was the story. In the desert, though, right?

That's what I heard. We always heard down to Miami. Yeah, that's what I heard. Or us to New York. You would get on 95, night vision, in a Lambo, just do like 200 miles an hour. A couple of keys. Yeah. I mean, there's no way that actually happens.

I've never heard that before. At least the way I heard it. You're going to see him in like a Corolla with night vision. Chasing an ambulance. Got his flashers on. I wonder if like one person did do that. Go around. I got coke in here.

Jesus Christ. I wonder if one person did do that like once I'm sure of something at some point cause yeah as I understood it

it was like going so fast that either nobody can detect you or see you or if they do see you they're just like that guy's got it

you know he's like by the time you get you pull your car out he's fucking you know a mile away yeah I would like to give that a whirl, though.

But see, I had always heard it like in really like rural areas. Because even if you're on 95, there's going to be other cars and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just whip it in the middle of nowhere type thing. I mean, there's street lights on 95. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, dude, we see you. I don't care.

I don't care if your lights are on or not. At least, I don't know about down south,, there has been construction on 95 literally my entire life. At some point, like around the border of Connecticut and New York, forever. I know. You catch a cattle shoot, you're jammed up. You can't road work. It's just a guy with the stop.

I almost had a little lawsuit incident myself. Today, I was walking out of the fucking bagel pub. How is that joint? I guess not good if you're yelling your name. No, no, no. Their food and all, that's fine. It's your typical bagels and sandwiches and shit. Do you toast your bagel?

No. Well, that's... That's smart, man. That's... It depends. Depends on the bagel. Scoop it. I don't...

No. I don't do that either. I have full ass fucking... The full bagel with a shit ton of cream cheese untoasted, but that's like if they come out... Put it this way. I'm only eating bagels if they're at a nice place. It's at a place

where they're cooked. It's not coming out of a plastic bag. If it's coming out of a plastic bag, you toast it. If it's already kind of stale, I'll toast it to make it a little crispier and crunchy. But if not, I'm going raw. It's the standard rule in New York. I like a light toast, though. I don't disagree. I understand the light toast. I like them scooped and toasted.

You like the scooped? You get the soft in there, though. I like that. Well, it's good for... That and some alfalfa sprout. I don't like the onion and garlic. I don't mind that for a time. But that, you gotta toast.

You gotta toast the onion and the garlic? I know onions there. I don't like that. But that you got to toast because that's got to open that... You got to toast the onion, the garlic, because that's got to open up. I like either just a plain, give me a sesame. I'm a sesame man. Yeah.

I was sesame. I know what the... If it's... It's almost like what Portnoy does with the pizza. Like, if it's a really good bagel, I just want it to be plain

because I just want... You want the bagel. The bagel. Of course. And so, give me the plain or the sesame is a little bit of something to it. You know, this bagel. I just want it to be plain because I just want the bagel. So give me the plain or the sesame is a little bit of something to it. You know this bagel pub though, they have like 30 different cream cheeses.

Oh, the cream cheese. Yeah, which I thought was kind of like, it's almost like if you have two quarterbacks you have none. If you have a bunch of tasty cream cheeses, it means your bagels suck. Yeah, I agree. They're good. I got like walnut, honey, maple or some shit. I was like, ew. No, I've been on a scallion cream cheese cake. Scallion's good.

Scallion's good. That's the OG. That was the first time they took plain cream cheese and threw a couple of scallions in it. That's the first time I've ever strayed from the plain cream cheese. Yeah, of course. And I'm like, woo. Some of them are crazy. Some of them are like chocolate.

And one they made, it's called Cookie Monster. They just dyed it blue. Okay. And they put some cookie crumbles in it. I was like, I can fuck with that. They have cannoli one. Shout out to Brooklyn Bagels. it. Cannoli's not bad. They have cannoli one. Shout out to Brooklyn Bagels. Wait, so that's just a bagel with cannoli cream.

That's usually how I would do it. I'll get like an entree bagel and a dessert bagel. But they're scooped, so it's okay. Back in the day, I'd have three bagel mornings. Where I would have like... You gotta finish it off with a cinnamon raisin. Hungover's two bagels for sure. A bacon and a sausage.

I usually do two sausages. You're a sausage man. It's a cinnamon raisin. Hungover is two bagels for sure. A bacon and a sausage. I would do – I usually do two sausages. You're a sausage man. Yeah. It's a heartier sandwich. And then I would do cinnamon sugar. That's all right. That would be a dessert with that cinnamon sugar with butter. Dude, that's like I would eat – I would start my day with three loaves of bread and like wonder why –

Start your day at 8,000 calories. Yeah. You remember when they were – Wonder why you're sluggish around lunch. You remember when they were pushing bialis real hard? Yeah, fuck that. And flagels? Yeah.

Get that commie shit out of here. It's like if you're going to do it, either... What are bialis? It's like an Italian bagel, I think. They are like flatter. I just saw it on a Soprano. They have bigger holes, right? Somebody started buying them.

It was flatter with a bigger hole. It's not for me. Nah. That rings a bell a little bit. Stupid. They're stupid. But what happened at the bagel joint? The fucking bagel pub

When you walk out There's like The ever so slight Incline And they're Fuck They had a rug out there And I don't even know

What happened But I The rug was not Like It was lumpy Kind of like So I opened it And it kind of hit the rug

And bunched up And I fucking Rolled my ankle Which at You know You roll your ankle When you're like A 12 year old, which at, you know, you roll your ankle when you're like a 12-year-old playing basketball. You're going to be fine.

You roll your ankle at 38, and you're like, ah, amputate this thing. So I'm on the fucking sidewalk, and I let out like, I'm like, fuck! I'm like screaming, and I'm almost hoping that somebody inside hears, and at least just comes out and says, oh, my God.

Please have some Cookie Monster. Something like that. In my mind, I'm like, you know, maybe this is my loss. Through the bagel pub. Sure. And they don't come out and do anything. So I just took their rug and I just fucking threw it. Jesus.

But then I went like, I went. But you just threw it where? Like to the street? Not into the street, but like where the street. Like, get this out of here type thing. I was like, and nobody did anything. This guy, I don't think he worked there, but I think he was delivering stuff on the hand truck. So I thought maybe he works here. Maybe he doesn't. the street like get this out of here type thing i was like and nobody did anything this this guy um i don't think he worked there but i think he was delivering stuff on the hand truck so i thought

maybe he works here maybe he doesn't he just said to me like excuse me sir and i was like all right well either you don't work here or you're an asshole but either way like you're gonna see this so i was like yeah let me get out of your way and i just threw it and then i went uh to the different place like one of those fresh co place whatever or whatever, and was there for two minutes. By the time I came back, it was all nice and done. Nobody cared about anything. I was like, but this is – that was my moment of protest. Are you going to go back in there?

Yeah. Are you going to give a piece of your mind? No, I'm going to buy a bagel. Just so you know, the other day I was in here. I spilled my tea. I do. There's just no reason for any of that. I would never – I never return anything.

I never complained about anything. I mean, you just threw a rug in the middle of it. Well, yeah. I mean, I'm going to do it. In the middle of fucking something. I'm going to have my little peaceful protest. Freaked out at a poor delivery guy. The people who, you know.

He's telling that story now. That's some lunatic. Threw a rug in the middle of the street. The fuck's that guy's problem? Well, this is actually good. Where's our cards? We'll do a new round of M.I.D. Asshole. Do we have the cards? Oh, wait. Before we do that, we have Gorilla vs. Snakes. Oh, yeah. All right. We, this is actually good. Where's our cards? We'll do a new round of M.I.D. Asshole. Do we have the cards?

Oh, wait. Before we do that, we have Gorilla vs. Snakes. Oh, yeah. All right. We'll start with this then because we got the new game, Are You the Asshole?

We got, of course, the ETI. Would you rather be stuck in a shopping mall? Let's say it's like 24-7. I'm also, for some reason, I thought of it as empty. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so you're basically in a shopping mall. There are no people, but are the stores filled? Like, are the stores have merchandise in them? yeah, yeah. Okay, so you're basically in a shopping mall. There are no people, but are the stores filled? Like, do the stores have merchandise in them? Yes, yes. Okay, so it's just a mall after hours, essentially. You're stuck in there with five cobras.

The whole mall? The whole mall. All right. Or a gorilla. I think this is a no-brainer. Yeah. Yeah, you got to go to the snakes. Five snakes in a shopping mall?

I fucking never see them. But that's also the problem. You're sitting there eating a slice of tomorrow. You fall asleep or something next thing you know this thing is sneaking up on you. Are they real ones? Don't get me wrong. The answer is snakes. I just don't think it's – it's more like for the first couple hours or whatever, you'd be fine.

It's more like – It's that night time. The night goes on. The days go on. All of a sudden, you're like, so wait, where are they? But I would just take the escalator. You think a cobra knows how to take an escalator? I think a cobra knows how to snake up things.

Yeah, man. I don't think so. I think an escalator would throw a cobra for a loop. You don't think that a cobra could just go on the loop? It's also you don't know if a gorilla's going to attack you. A snake's going to attack you. The gorilla might just be like, oh, hey, what's up? Gorillas don't always attack people in the wild.

So wait, you're taking the gorilla? No, I'm just saying that is a... The snakes aren't... It's not like a fucking walk in the park. Snakes are mean motherfuckers. Just think if you took the gorilla, though, and you became friends. You take the gorilla to fucking Antian's, that's pretty sweet. Give him some fucking cinnamon sugar pretzels.

Until you take him to the fucking mini golf course over there, and he hears like... He misses a punt. He hears like the rainstorm come. The one mall I used to go to as a kid. You had mini golf in the mall? There was a mini golf, yeah. Jesus. And it was like. How the fuck did you grow up?

It was. No, this was not a nice mall or a nice mini golf course. It was just they had one in the mall. It was almost like the fucking Rainforest Cafe It made noises and stuff So if the gorilla's walking by that He has like some nom flashbacks I throw him in there and lock the door

I mean a gorilla People don't realize we do these questions all the time The answer is like always The other side of the gorilla Gorillas are They will massacre you in a fucking Also you could kill the snake You're probably not going to be able to of the gorilla. Sure, gorillas are what it is. Gorillas are, they will massacre you in a fucking... Also, you could kill the snake. You're probably not going to be able

to kill the gorilla. Chances are the snake will kill me. I got the fucking club on me. Those snakes can't get to me. Bro, snakes can get to you. Not when I have a club. I at least have a chance that if I can just step on you

or grab you. Now, in that time, you're probably biting me. I'm probably going to die. You can't step on a cobra. No, but I can hit it with a club. I think I could. And also, don't they go up? Yeah. I'm probably going to die. You can't step on a cobra. No. But I can hit it with a club. I think I could.

Yeah, no, you could. And also, don't they go up? Yeah. Yeah, that's. I mean, I think I could. That's clearly, yeah, fucking. Decapitated. Yeah, dude.

Well, all of a sudden, you have a fucking club in your hands. It's a different story. That's what I'm saying. But you have at your disposal whatever's in the mall. There's a Dix in there. I get a gun. I'll take that gorilla out. Oh, yeah.

There you go. Dix? Now we're talking. They used to. I think in New York, they stopped. Or maybe they stopped everywhere. But guns. Oh,. I'll take that girl out. Oh, yeah. There you go. Now we're talking. I think in New York they stopped. Or maybe they stopped everywhere. Oh, because it's like hunting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come out with a fucking bow and arrow.

Yeah, something. A wrist rocket. Bandana on. Get some Big Red. Poison them. I don't know, man. What the fuck? Pop up from the counter of the walk and roll.

Tonight's your last night. The other one we had, I don't know if this is where Colin got this. But this was a good are you garbage type thing, I think, where... What do you think backpacking through Europe means? Backpacking through garbage? No, backpacking through Europe? Yeah. In my head, that's like very little luggage and staying at hostels.

Okay. That's what I think. But like drinking and like going to the cities and stuff. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, traveling like city to city on a budget, drinking, partying. They thought it was like climbing mountains. Oh, no.

No, it's fucking dirt bike. I thought you went through city to city, but on it you're doing outdoorsy shit and hiking and all that kind of stuff. You're trying to go fuck people from that country and you're getting fucked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Traveling on a budget. Like $3 a night and shit like that. I guess I'm like a poor

dirt bag if you think that it meant life. Why did you do that? Did you backpack? I did not. No, I had friends who did, but no, I never. I did like I studied abroad, but I never like backpacked. Where was that? I studied abroad in Spain. No, I had friends who did, but I never, I did like, I studied abroad, but I never like backpacked. Where was that? I studied abroad

in Spain. Ah, where at? Salamanca. Where's that at? It's like, yeah, I think it was an hour and a half from Madrid or

something like that. Hour and a half southwest of Madrid, I think. Something along there. Satellite school, I suppose.

No, I studied abroad in high school. No, I'm just fucking kidding. All he did was sit in the parking lot. Fourth grade,

I had an internship. He sat on his Vespa in the parking lot fourth grade i had an internship he sat on his vespa in the parking lot he's a bacon egg and cheese dude it was so we we went with like a college but we had to live with parents because we were in high school still so like the college kids got to go live in dorms or live in hotels whatever and we would like with me and my buddy madre and padre we would do My mom got so mad at me When I was like I was like yeah My Spanish mom She's like you have one mom

Don't you ever call her Your mom again Paella's on point No dude We weren't allowed to eat So I was just with my buddy Who was it? I was just with my buddy

Who I studied abroad with Recently And we were talking about Like how bad And I'd forgotten How bad it was You were like the stepchildren? Dude So like there were other kids in the house, in the apartment with us.

And they got to eat at the table with the parents, and we had to eat hot dogs in the kitchen. Were they the family's kids? No, no, no, no, no. There were other people studying abroad. Wow. And it was – dude, they fucking hated us. Because we would keep a bottle of whiskey under our beds. Yeah, I mean, yeah, that makes sense.

It was like they fucking, what do you call them? The midday naps. Siestas. Siestas are awesome when you need a nap. Sure, of course. Siestas are the absolute worst when you're an adult. When you're like, it's 2 p.m. I fucking, like the restaurant's closed down.

The store's closed down. Everything fucking closes. You're like, I don't know. I don't want to go to bed right now. So we'd have to get drunk to fall asleep for four hours before we went back out to do everything else. And they were like, they hated that. I mean, there was one time where the mom hit me because she came out. She was like, I invented this dish.

And, like, I wasn't talking back. I was kind of just being playful with her where I was like, it was sausage and potatoes. Okay. And I was like, I think the Polish might have been into this, maybe the Germans, I don't know, someone. Sure. Playful banter. Bang! Whack me right in the face. And I was like, alright, I think...

I think it's time to call my real mom. And sue this, bro. She also wouldn't do our, like, she wouldn't let us do our laundry. She did everyone else's laundry, folded it for me and everything. Wouldn't even let us use the washing machine and dryer. Jesus. God damn.

Sounds like a good summer. How long was that? Just a month. It was a month. I forget. A month and a half. Life and time is a Heidelberg. My parents were never going for anything like that.

Studying abroad, exchange students, nothing like that. Yeah, no, I never did that stuff. We had an exchange student from Iceland for a little while. My brother went to a private school. That's got copper written all over it. And he came in, and he wasn't in one place. He just bounced around house to house, like on the soccer team. He came over like a soccer exchange thing, and he fucked up everybody's house.

He flooded our kitchen because the bathroom was above the kitchen. And, of course, my brother and his boys go out and get them all fucked up high and drunk. We end up throwing up all over my sister's bed. He woke me up. He's like, I had an accident. I go in and just puke everywhere. I'm like, hey man, get in the shower. It's alright. Shit happens.

I'm like fucking 12. No worries, man. I'll put a pot of coffee on. Get your head straight. Get some eggs in you. What do you think? And he showers for like an hour and a half. He's up there forever. And he didn't put the shower curtain in the tub because he never had a shower curtain.

He always had a door. So the shower curtain was on the outside. So he showered for like an hour and it flooded. And then like the fucking kitchen just opened up. As we were sitting there eating breakfast. I got caught up with that shit, too. Yeah. The shower curtain actually opened up? Yeah.

I mean, like a bubble started forming. Yeah. Water, and then it just broke all over the kitchen table. No way! Yeah. Like, next day? No, we were sitting down. He was in it, and it just flooded.

Oh, my. It was like three inches of water. I thought that stuff, like, takes longer to happen. Oh, no, it came down right away. Do you remember Carabas in the hot tub in Miami? No. I remember. Can you pass that one?

We stayed at this hotel that every room had an individual balcony with, not every room, but a lot of them, had an individual hot tub outside. Damn. Damn, that's tight. And so he got into it. Must have been a Marriott. This guy with courtyard money. I like it.

I think it was like you needed to fill them, though, or something like that. Yeah, you had to call them and have them come to us. And I guess they had a hose or whatever was running, and it started to overflow. It just got real trashy real quick. Yeah, it went from like, oh, we got our own hotel room. Yes. That's a bad look. But he was laying in the hot tub just watching it overflow.

And it was raining outside, so it was like everything was kind of wet but it was just water falling down to the other fucking hotel and he's sitting in it being like yeah it's fine whatever he said he thought it was one of those infinity pools where he just goes up to the edge meanwhile he was just like flooding other people's fucking i don't think i remember that all right we'll do a couple of these because i think we're also going to get you to do the video up to the edge. Meanwhile, he was just flooding other people's fucking bodies. I don't think I remember that. I think he was ridiculous. We'll do a couple of these because I think we're also going to get you to do the video. Let's start with My boyfriend doesn't have a job, so I pay for everything in our relationship. Recently, I got

a promotion that will require us to move to another state. Now my boyfriend is mad I'm making us move without running it by him first. That's tough. I think you still get a heads up or some input. You can't just be like, hey, don't make plans this weekend. We're going to be in Kansas.

You can't just fucking. You have to have the conversation. But at the end of the day, he should be like, yeah, okay, this is a better opportunity for us. But also, presumably, he's looking for jobs and shit, so it's like... He'll look for jobs in the new state. Right. That's, I guess, the question. Guy's a deadbeat.

Unemployed. If you're unemployed, you're always the asshole. Honey, ditch this bozo. You start a new life. You know what? You want to do something different? Get a job, then. You know what?

I don't disagree with that. I was against this, and now I'm in. If you're unemployed, you're an asshole. Half of our audience is like, fuck you. There's extenuating circumstances, of course. Of course. If you're making demands and unemployed. That's a tough look.

That is bad. I just see them having that conversation where he has the fucking video game headset on. What do you mean? What do you mean we're moving over Maya? All right. how about the flip side uh i threatened to leave my girlfriend if she didn't take a job offer that paid way more money she was only staying at her old job because her friends worked there i'm with that yeah you gotta fuck your friends forward yeah a hundred percent with that yeah that's crazy because

girls i don't know i like it i like a good hang dude well i guess i guess here's the deal though guys is different i can understand a guy hang girl hang what you're making enough money and you're like yo i'm not super ambitious i just want to fucking hang and this is a good time and i like i enjoy going into work yeah fucking i think i've come around on it too because i'm thinking like it's like dude what if they go to the new office and it fucking blows yeah no one to hang with no No happy hours. No hot guys. You're making more money. But the peace of mind and the solitude you get in a relationship when your significant other is happy is priceless.

Yeah. Then she's going to be holding that over your head and put this fucking job for you. And it fucking sucks. I got to go to this. The only thing I would say is. No way. Stay happy. Money and everything.

Only thing I'd say is, babe, if you.com. If you're leaving twice the fucking salary on the table, let's say it's a big one, right? Yeah, fuck that. Because you like this girl. I can tell you almost... Get out there and make that bread. What are you talking about? I can tell you with certainty that you and this girl will have a fallout in the next 12 months.

Because that's what chicks do. I get it. You will end up hating Donna by the end of the year. And now we left another 100K on the table. Yeah. It's true. I guess it depends. I guess it also depends how old you are as well and what you want to do.

I don't know. But if you do have a career that there are rungs to it, sure. But if you're like, hey, I'm a nurse here or a nurse there type thing, you're just going to be a nurse. I totally flip it if it's a guy. You're not trying to be like nurse. I totally flip it if it's a guy. You're not trying to be the head of finance or something. Having the guys at work that you're cool with, if you're a guy, I'm good with it. Oh, really?

If you're a girl. That conversation would go nowhere. Hey, I got offered double the money, but I like hanging out with Stewie and Stevie. She'd be like, fuck you. Fuck Stewie and fuck Stevie. She would never offer you that same courtesy. I'm a bigger person, man.

I do that a lot, man. I'm always like, I'm not going to fucking put you to the fire on this one because I wouldn't want you to do that to me. Everybody's got to keep earning. So you've got to fight fire with fire. Pauly's just like, give me that money. Cash rules, dude.

I also think that there is an aspect to the, like, I don't know. And I guess this is a girl submitted this. But if I was a guy, I'd be like, oh, boys, this is going to be double salary. I'll hit you up on Thursday. Yeah, no shit. I know. Fucking Buffalo Wild Wings. Also, at the same time, there were guys I hung out with at Deloitte that when I left, it was like, see you never.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. But if I had actual friends, if I actually liked the people I was hanging out with, it's a no-brainer. But I genuinely did like those guys, but it was just like, we're work friends. That's the way it goes with work friends. Yeah. That's just the circle of life. Yeah, I don't know, though.

I don't know, because we't know though Especially the four of us A job was just a job Your focus and passion was always somewhere else You know what I mean So you're like I have to do this so I can fucking blog Or whatever If you're the guy that leaves a job And then goes back to hanging out with your buddies at the old job

You're a bozo Because I remember waiting tables That's like being a super senior. You come back around five, six years later. I remember waiting tables, and there would have been a period of where this was the cast of characters, and then this one got fired, that one got fired. And being in there training, and some dude sitting at the bar, like, who's that guy? Oh, that's Jason.

He used to work here, but he hangs out all the time. Fuck Jason. Fucking dork. What are you doing? That's Jason. He used to work here, but he hangs out all the time. Fuck Jason. Fucking dork. What are you doing? We've also, we've had people leave Barstool before. And not a ton, but people who have been like, I have one in particular was like, hey, man, I'm sure we'll see each other a lot. And I was like.

Probably never. You guys would be insane. It's the way it goes. I will see you never. This is the guy I want to be close with here. When you weren't here, we didn't hang out. I thought your name was Bill. What makes you think that you're moving to a new state is going to make you hang out?

I had that with a kid I bumped into from high school in New York a couple of years ago. He's like, oh, let's fucking hang out. Let's get some beers. We didn't hang out in high school. We're not going to hang out now that there's 8 million people to choose from. I love a good, mutually agreed upon, fictional, let's get together sometime, and we both know we're never going to see each other.

But it's just, let's explain. I got six of those going on right now. Yeah, because you know what? We're not animals, and the alternative would be we have to go our separate ways, and I would have to say, have a good life, dude. I know, yeah, yeah. I hope your life is okay.

Yeah, hit me up. Yeah, hit me up. We are never going to see each other. Totally. Let me get your number. No, it's all good, man. Yeah, hit me up. Yeah, hit me up. You're never going to see each other. Totally. Let me get your number. No, it's all good, man. Your voice just tails off. All right, let's do a couple voicemails, too, and we'll get out of here.

What do we got? What up, KFC Radio? I just have a quick one. So my current girlfriend I've been dating for about two years lives in an apartment complex and the girl I dated right before her for about five months Lives in the exact same apartment She was very very intimate and I kind of

slow goes her so Here's my question. I ran into this old girlfriend I've been dating in the apartment complex. And I stopped and said hi, but then I went back and explained to her why I was in the apartment complex. And my current girlfriend was like, you should have said hi, you're really awkward. But in my mind, I was thinking, I gotta explain to her why I'm it. Dude, that's a tough situation. Wait, so he... I get it.

Wait, he doesn't want to say I'm with a new girl? No, he did say that. He did. He didn't want to just be like, hey, I'm waiting around for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's, I mean. If you saw your ex in your building, you'd be like, what the fuck are you doing here? Bro, if I saw my ex in the fucking city.

Hey, New York's mine, all right? Kick rocks. What the fuck are you doing here? But that's what I mean. I guess the only thing is I can think of certain scenarios where if I told certain exes that I was sleeping with someone in this complex, she might burn the whole place down. Yeah, yeah. So, like, you know, so, like, yes, personally, like, it's a no-brainer because, yeah, I don't want you thinking that I'm, like, stalking you. Don't worry. I know somebody here. But then certain people would be like, who is it?

Where do they live? Right, right. Hey, John, I'm not a creep. I'm stalking you. Don't worry, I know somebody here. But then certain people will be like, who is it? Where do they live? Hey, John, I'm not a creep. I'm just a creep. I swear. But if I say, don't worry, I'm with fucking Jessica in 5F, she'd be like, okay, okay. Boom. Kaboom. The next day, a woman blows up apartment in Complex. So it depends. I think it's a little...

I don't know. It depends on the ex, I think. I think you... Actually, it definitely is but i would actually it doesn't matter who the x was i would have that inkling where i'd be like no she she can't think that i'm here for her there's no way i can't i know but that's probably this is the feel like i've had that if you feel like you need to say something you probably should yeah you should probably just be like that's my crazy anxiety right right someone who was cool let me just be like hey what's up i think you just feel like you know if you bump into him again it's like oh what are you doing here

again it's like oh i'm fucking tina in 4d or whatever yeah i think that anytime like you just said like no matter what scenario is if if if you were mr calm cool and collected how would you act you'd probably be like hey what's up yeah keep it moving so just do that don't feel the need to be like oh i know you think i'm talking to you but but I'm... If you do that, you'd be like, hey, I thought it was weird when I was leaving. I didn't mean to be weird, but it was... You're the loser. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It wasn't that weird outward. I didn't get the vibe that he did it like that, and no matter what he did in that situation, the current girlfriend, as he called it, was going to fucking give him shit for it anyway. I can't believe he told her. I wouldn't tell her. Yeah. What are you doing being honest with your current girlfriend? Well, I could jam you up. Yeah. I could jam you up. I could jam you up. What are you doing being honest with your current girlfriend? That could jam me up.

Who's that girl? Telling the truth to your fucking girlfriend? No way. You're in a bad situation all around, buddy. I think you gotta tell her. That would have been... I used to date a girl in this building. Being like, I used to

fucking bang her through this wall. You know what I mean? That's crazy. Like, you have to move. Did he say the time difference? Was it four months that I hear that, or did I make that up? I don't know if he said.

If it was like three years ago, it's whatever. But if it was like a couple weeks ago. He said he's been dating the current girl for two years. Yeah, he did say that. Oh, okay. So this was at least a while ago. The current girlfriend moved into the apartment. So the ex-girlfriend moves in or something?

No, the current girlfriend moved in. Oh, that's on her then. That was his territory first. I think so, right? Run it back real quick because it's like... Either way, it's not great. It does depend on who starts where. My current girlfriend I've been dating for about two years lives in an apartment complex, and the girl I dated right before her for about five months

lives in the exact same apartment complex. He doesn't say who moved there. She was very, very intimate. You see, I think he's intimating. I think he's – no, but I think – I love my huge dick. No, no, no. Boys, I think that's more like she's a little off the reservation.

Sure, that makes sense. Every time you say it to me is the polite way of saying she's cuckoo. It's also just a funny thing for how men see themselves. She really liked me. There's something wrong with her.

She's obviously crazy because she really, really liked me. I think you probably got to dump this girl and move on. Just get out. Run. Hopefully they're both understanding, but if not, it's going to be messy. That's going to get thrown in your face at some point.

Oh, for sure. One of them, yeah. For sure. Probably your current girlfriend. Why don't you go fuck Debbie down the hall? That's not great. Are you garbage if you're getting your walls torn down because they have a lead in them, but instead of telling people that, instead you tell everybody you're getting your house renovated?

It's not a health concern. I'm reventing. Shout out to him, man. That's what I'm talking about. That's a pro move, dude. Asbestos, what do you mean? I'm painting in here. That's all right.

Just a new design. And you need a new feng shui. They were supposed to put a skylight here. That's all right. Just a new design. A new feng shui. They were supposed to put a skylight here. I don't know what happened. I'm hardly here anyway. I got my place done in Poland. Meanwhile, his skin's green. Hair's falling out.

Has anybody seen my Lamborghini Trapper Keeper? I'm out of here. Nah, that's alright. That's a move right there. I've never heard of that. That's unbelievable. I respect it. Respect it.

Thinking granite countertops over here? I'm not really sure. Probably sub-Zs and Vikings, I think. Meanwhile, he's got that big tent around the house. He's got the carnival tent. A bunch of skull and crossbones everywhere. I'm glad that went the way it went because I thought it was going to be him. He was the landlord and he was just telling people.

That's great. Girl renovation. That black mold's good for you, I hear. It's natural. Plates of mushrooms. Let's go. That is great stuff. So what?

You boys are on tour? You got dates? What are we doing? When's Gramercy? April? Gramercy Theater. We have. We're doing three shows at the Gramercy Theater.

There's a couple of tickets left to the third show out of which is Friday the 3rd. Friday, February 3rd. February 3rd. There's about 50, 60 tickets left to that. The other two are pretty much sold out, if not sold out completely. New York City, come to that. That'll be a fucking party. I'm going to be at that.

I'm going to be at one of them. I think I'm going to do Friday. February 3rd. No, days of the week. Oh, it's Friday and Saturday. Friday and Saturday. So we're doing those, and then we're about to announce. We don't have the dates all locked in yet, but we're about to announce our 2023 tour.

Nice. Going all over, baby. Going all over? baby. Yeah. Going all over? Going all over. Ready? In Texas, Virginia. We're getting ready.

Yeah, we're getting ready. They'll start in March. I'm getting ready for airport shape. Yeah. Doing a little walking. He's always a half a mile behind us. Yeah. Every single time.

Just turning like this. Shout out to the moving sidewalks, man. You need those. I don't like those things. Really? Wait. What, bro? I don't know. There's something

about them I don't like. There's something about them. You move faster and it does the work for you. Totally can't figure out. You think a cobra can? No chance. I would like those if I could stand on them, but the pressure to keep walking. Oh, I guess that's what he thinks. He thinks he should

just be able to chill. He doesn't like the fact that he has to walk. I like the fact that you're walking normal but you're flying but then when you stop you feel like you're fucking i know you come off and you go like quicksand the bottom of the ocean which is like i should be able to understand i don't know if it's inertia or what but like i know when i want inertia when i watch movies inertia and someone falls off the train and i'm like why don't you just jump? Backwards? I thought that was a kid.

I'm an adult. You're traveling 60 miles an hour. If I'm on the back of a train and I jump straight up, I should be able to just land on the ground. The train should move out from underneath you. Yeah. It does. But you're also moving 100 miles.

Whatever the train's going, you're It does. But you're also moving 100 miles. Whatever the train's going, you're also going. I kind of get it, but I don't respect those laws of physics. Okay, fair enough. And you don't have to. I mean, you got your $5,000 savings bond. You can do whatever you want. I don't respect those laws of physics. Never change, you fucking moron. You're my kind of

crazy, dude. Alright, boys. Always a pleasure. Always garbage. Go follow the boys. Kevin Foley. Hit them up on Instagram. Get the Patreon. What do you got? What levels? You can sign up for like five bucks. Five bucks, ten bucks, twenty, fifty. Don't be a cheapo.

Ten dollars is the best level. That's 90% of our people are ten dollar levels. You get the whole feelings on that one. Yeah. That's where we let it all hang. Yeah. Alright, good shit, boys. Thank you, boys. Thanks, the feelings on that one. Yeah. That's where we let it all hang. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Good shit, boys. Thank you, boys. Thanks, gang.

Thanks, guys. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.