KFC Radio - Are You Garbage Wanted to Donate to Billy Football's Congress Campaign

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 07:22 KFC asks AYG for advice of how to act richer 16:29 Ghost stories 29:23 Billy Football (aka Congressman William) is asking Kevin for money 43:27 AYG is now bringing in some good cash 50:15 Running Bert and Tom's 5k 01:08:05 Voicemail: Playing dumb 01:13:30 Voicemail: Holidays 01:14:55 AYG's Ireland trip +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Bilt: Earn points by paying rent right now when you go to https://joinbilt.com/KFC. BetterHelp: KFC Radio is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/KFC today to get 10% off your first month. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. And I'm sitting here going, do I have to give Billy football $3,300 right now? Yeah, you do. I think so. Are you crazy? Have a congressman in your back pocket? What are you, nuts?

You should all be donating The boys are in the building Actually, can we close that door? The boys are in the building Finally Pump fake My mom's gonna come in Mom, we're recording That was, yeah

That was real adolescent shit Get out of here! I'm combing my hair! We, uh, I mean, it's comical how long we've been trying to get this on the books. It's been a minute. It's been a minute. We're on tour. You're on tour.

We gotta cancel. You gotta cancel. Somebody died. Somebody this. Somebody that. I think those were all actual true excuses that we pushed. There was a couple of deaths, a couple of flights. A couple of people.

Good shit. But, man, it's been, I feel like, I say this almost every time you guys come in, but from one appearance to the next, it's always just. But I feel like this last one, really, I mean, because also it's been a while. But, I mean, we're doing, we're all over the world. Yeah, man. We're still growing. We got fucking Patreon money.

We're making appearances. We're looking great. Just trying to hold on to this fucking rocket ship. Until it crashes. Because it's going to crash. We're opening up grocery stores all across the country. Got the big scissors and everything. Oh, folks, good to see you.

Have you, what's that thing Marty and Dana do? Moon Man? Rocket Man? Yeah, yeah. These guys do this online gambling thing

where you watch this screen and there's a rocket and it takes off and it goes and it goes and it goes and you place your bet and you have to jump off

before it explodes and if you do that, you win a certain amount of money and as it goes higher, it multiplies. Oh, shit. So it can go like 10x. Sometimes it goes like 1,000x. And these two idiots sit.

Oh, I'm in. That's got me all over it. But I was like, these two guys, you guys are doing that in real life. Is it going to pop? Is it going to pop? Is it going to go? Is it going to explode? Let's keep going to the moon, baby.

Everything's in his name. I'll be halfway to Mexico by the time the feds come looking for us. Dude, I mean, we've been running this thing like idiots. We got some guy to come in and manage the business end of it, and I was just like, they were like, dude, your fucking QuickBooks is a mess. I was like, I don't know what I'm doing.

So you were running it yourself? Yeah. And you have any experience? I have a little bit of it. I know enough. If this was a roofing company, I'd be, like, it would be, I would be better than most, it would be okay. But now it's like...

You have to pay taxes in like a million states, I'd imagine. I'm sure it's a nightmare. Why are you bringing that shit up? What the fuck? It's fine, all right. Bring it up, old shit. Knock it off.

That's the new guy's problem. This guy watches a couple episodes of Billions all of a sudden. No, I got fired by my accountant. His favorite thing is taxes in different states. Fired by your accountant? See, I got back in with her. I called her this tax season. She's like, I'm very surprised to get this call.

And I was like, why? And she's like, well, we've been trying to get in touch with you. The mob hasn't got a hold of you yet. She's like, you don't reply to anything. I was like, well, you don't send me anything interesting. Yeah. I said, you have to always just be like, hey, just checking in on this. I'm like, guess.

I don't know, man. I don't know. Yeah. I don't check email anymore, basically, at all. I don't check the mail anymore. Oh, for that. Bro, I'm not checking the electronic mail. You think I'm checking the paper mail?

But I got to do that. I'm missing a lot of important stuff on both fronts. Sure. And I keep being like, yo, what the fuck is this? Why didn't you tell me? And they're like, here you go. And there's like five emails from like a month ago. My car registration is currently suspended.

I found out yesterday. I had to pay easy pass bills by the 28th miss that and now i'm currently suspended i paid it but i'm in a limbo period till the suspension lifts you're riding 30 i thought about that when we drove because we drove up to uh we just did the wolver and we did a comedy connections in providence yeah he was driving up there he's got a little bit of a of a of a tacky track record in upstate New York. Oh, yeah, I do have that. You got warrants?

And I thought about that when we were driving up. We get pulled over. I don't think I have warrants. I have an outstanding ticket that I was supposed to pay. Moving violation? Moving violation. I pled it down through some school. I did some online class, and they pled it down.

But they don't take fucking credit cards. So I have to mail it because the town's so small. This is my biggest problem. This is my biggest problem. I had to mail a check. I didn't have checks. And now they're just not hitting me. I don't know.

I don't remember the town. I don't remember how much. I don't remember fucking anything. I also have a problem. If I get a ticket in that exact moment, I'm ready to pay it because I'm like, I don't want to deal with this. And every time – You should be able to hand them $100. Don't.

You settle it. Or they have some scanning thing. But every time – and I don't know if this is my town. But no, because it's New York and Westchester. It's everywhere. I go on to pay and they say 24 hours. It has to hit the system. Well, guess what?

I'm not going to do it 24 hours. And then I'm never remembering that. They want you to do that. I know. I'm sure they do, right? They want the fines and the late fees. Can I tell you what I'm currently doing? Easy pass?

I probably quarterly just pay easy pass by like $1,000. Yeah. That's what you're supposed to do. No, no, no. In a different form. You don't have easy pass? I have easy pass. What do you send them? Change?. In a different form. You don't have E-ZPass? I have E-ZPass. What, do you send them change?

I got a new car and did not... This is why mine got suspended. It was the old car. Oh, I had an old license plate. I had the tag and everything. But when it does the cameras, it looks like I have a stolen tag. Well, my thing is, you figure it out. You have my credit card information.

Right. You know I own the car. Just you do the math yeah what the fuck so i've been driving in and out for yeah that's what got me right on top of that so they i i eventually i check something because i'm like this is i'm gonna get suspended or whatever and every time it's like four grand worth of that's crazy but then i know this that what you do is you just go like, well, I'm not paying that. And they go, we can knock it down to like $800. Because a lot of it's the fees. It's a huge drop.

If you're ever dealing with that, do not ever pay the full amount. Because the total will be $16 and you don't pay it in 60 days. Then it goes to $86. And then if you don't pay that, it goes to $126. And then so you usually have to pay the toll. It's the fees that get knocked out. But if it goes to collections, the collections can't fuck you. You have no idea what we're talking about.

I've never driven a car, I don't think. You really don't drive much, right? What are these bridges and tunnels I hear so much about? I never drive. Yeah, like, I mean. I drive in the summer when I go home. Right. That's about it.

Yeah, that time we were in the car in Newport. I remember being like. And that's at head speed. Hey, Mrs. Camerary. Hey, Johnny. Let's get to the nitty gritty. What did you upgrade to? What are you whipping around in?

A Ford Explorer, bro. Oh, man. I was, no, it's terrible. I mean, I'm not a car guy. You got a couple of bucks now. You got a couple of bucks. Yeah, what do you mean? You should have bought a fucking F-15 or something.

I guess so. I guess so. You're a couple of bucks now. You should have bought a fucking F-15 or something. I guess so. I guess so. Get that old school Hummer that Schwarzenegger used to roll around in. That's what I want to buy, you know. I'm happy you're here. You guys are two guys I want to talk to about this. Don't take any financial advice from us.

But I am still... I got two works for you. I get you a 15-year shingle if you need it. I am still... I got two works for you. I get you a 15-year shingle if you need it. I am still so decidedly white trash after new money that it's... I don't know. I might be some sort of, like, case study. I mean... Sure.

Well, I mean, that's... I wouldn't argue that's... That's the smart thing to do if you get cash is to not spend it like you're going to be making that the rest of your life. But it's also like I'm not being smart with my money. It's like dumb things like that. I'm just like, here's $1,000.

Yeah, that's stupid. That'll get you. You're going to look back at some point and be like, that was $8,000 that I shouldn't have spent. Right. It's like I'm not buying gold chains and shit, but I'm also probably, I wish I was rather than giving it to the fucking motor vehicle. You bought a house? I got a house.

You bought a house. I had a very nice house with a very nice property. If you paid that off, are you doing a mortgage? Straight cash, baby. No shit. That was my big – Mortgage. That was my big –

What do you do with that? Write a check or do they just wire transfer to your account? Yeah, wired it. I always thought that like – I don't know if it was with you, but I very extremely recently learned when you buy a house in cash, you're not getting the cash. I thought it was a duffel bag of money. We had that. What is cash?

Words mean things. Like, you bought a cash. I fucking got cash. There should be another word for it. Non-mortgage or some shit. Watch those dye packs in there. Syphus Sound showed up to his fucking closing with like a Jordan box. They said, no, you can't do this.

Yeah, that was my biggest expense. But that's good. That's done. You don't have to think about that ever again. You know what? My financial guys told me like we should do a reverse mortgage. That doesn't sound right. Who are you rolling with?

Basically, you can still take a mortgage out. That sounds worse than our guy. Based on the rates, the money that you're paying for your mortgage, now that we have that money back and we're investing it, you'll be making like a... They start playing in those percentages. And I was like, you might be right. No.

I don't want to pay a mortgage. My favorite fucking thing in the world is that I don't pay a mortgage. Like, I just don't have to pay for my housing anymore ever again if I wanted to. I can stay in this house forever if I wanted, and I don't have to pay a dime. You know, insurance and shit like that. And I fucking love that. And if you could have made me a couple bucks on arbitrage with the rates versus this and that, fine. I don't care.

You pay rent for so long, and you and i'm just like it's done what's there's a reverse mortgage the thing that tom said it's not yeah i shouldn't say reverse mortgage it's just like reverse in the sense that like i bought the house cash and then they give you a loan back so you can take a loan out on it at like three percent but you can make seven percent in the market so you're making three and they're like we could make more money i'm like i don't fucking care and you can't get money like the money can't buy the peace of mind dude when i start thinking about that, my brain starts to hurt.

If I have to have more than two imaginary numbers, it starts getting real tight. So you got new house, new car, you buy the car? No, I don't think I even

got a new car. I had the car already. I just got a Ford Explorer. Okay. It's funny. You got a CD changer in there? I went down. It's a Ford Edition. It's nice.

I was in... Yes, the Eddie Bauer. Is that what you were on? I almost wish, though, because that, to me, would be a flex. The Eddie Bauer Ford Explorer from the 90s. I remember my buddy had that, and I was like, whoo, baby. This is the real deal.

Fucking L.L. Bean edition. Those things hit. That was always some rich friend. Fucking L.L. Bean edition. Those things hit. That was always some rich friend. Yeah. That was a contract. They had the aftermarket speakers in it and stuff like that. Remember dads when bows hit? That's all they talked about.

Christmas quality. Quality audio. I always tell this. My dad recently discovered water. Dad's rediscovering things or discovering things. Oh, that's pretty good. I'll tell him anything good. He's like, I'll tell him anything.

He'll be like, you been drinking water? I'm like, no, I have to drink my water all my whole life, dude. You're new to the show. I used to watch my dad every morning come downstairs and he would fill

a half a cup of coffee up and then hit it with water and just crush it so he could get out the door with it. That's the only time I ever saw him drink water. That's the white trash espresso right there. Making your own That's the White Trash Espresso right there.

Making your own Americano. I'll be honest, most of the stuff you guys talk about I've heard of or seen or done. I've never heard of that. That's fucking insane. Right out the door. Then he had to stop drinking it because he started to have a massive panic attack.

That's worse. When you're shooting thousands of milligrams of caffeine right into your brain with water. I came home from school one day, and he got home from work, and we were on the couch watching TV, and he started breathing into the bag. No way. And I'm like, what the fuck? He's like, yeah, I got the caffeine. He's like ripping his skin.

He's doing a shot of whiskey. That's funny. But I went to Bert and Tom's launch for the vodka in austin and you know those guys roll they roll different these days oh yeah i mean we were just out on tour with burt yeah i'm so and burt's crazy but tom is like even you know and in one the boss of bosses as we call one exchange one like fluid like hey how you doing and then turn to this conversation i met a billionaire and then a ferrari dealer sure right and burt was like let me introduce you to him and he of course starts thinking this is like a business thing and i was like buddy

i drive a ford explorer it's not even the eddie bauer like i i theoretically i could get one but you're talking to the wrong yeah guy. Yeah, that's crazy. Like, I'm not, you know, I'm not dropping a 275 on it. I think it's kind of crazy when I see literal Ferraris and shit like that in New York, in Manhattan. It's like... I feel like I don't see them that often. It's like, I don't think it's worth it having a nice car like that to drive in, you know, basically bumper-to-bumper traffic all the time. Or back and forth with my kids.

It's like, I don't know. But I really have never been a car guy. If I was a car guy, I would probably have bought one. It's never a hot dude in there either. It's always some 90-year-old worth of guy. Never some piece of ass. That's what you're looking for. This guy ain't even hot. I would never fuck you.

I don't care what kind of car you're in. It's always some old dude. And he's real meticulous about it and a dick about the car. It's a funny thing that guy who Tom introduced you to, like, that guy has probably had a conversation with, like, MBS. Yeah. I mean, there's only, like, a handful of Ferraris around the world.

He's the one dealing them. Yeah. Yeah, I heard that you can't just get them. You have to buy the license for one. You have to be, like, accepted into the crew. Into, like, the crew. But I think it's also like, I think if Tom has one and he's like,

give one to Kevin. I think a lot of them are, a lot of the, who was telling us? Charles was telling us. Most of the, all the purchases are like after, like you bought it from someone who already had one.

You buy one from them. Oh, forget it. The numbers, I'm making this up, but it's like 30 a year or something crazy. That's why they're hand making the fucking engines and this and that. But yeah, that was never my, I'll 30 a year or something crazy. That's why they're hand-making the fucking engines and this and that. But yeah, that was never my...

I'll take a genie any day. A what? A Lamborghini. A genie. Like, what color? Huh? What color would you go with? They'd have to build it around you.

It's got a little bubble on the side. I'm gonna play it. I'd go deep purple. That was a low to the ground, brother. I know. That'd be a nightmare. I'd go deep purple. I like that. I like that. I'd go deep purple. That was a low to the ground, brother. That'd be a nightmare. I'd go deep purple. I like that.

I like that. I'd go deep purple. Lime green. Really? That's insane. I'm going Lamborghini. I'm going as obnoxious as I can. What are you, an Autobot?

You're going to go lime green? I would go yellow or something like that, you know? Something. Something somebody can drive you. I don't know. I also, like, I even feel this way a little bit about the house I bought it's like

it just became like the place that I live like it looks nice from the outside and in the beginning that kind of gave me a little bit of like wow like I bought

this fucking thing right you've seen it it looks nice right but now it's just like it's where I live and the car to the maximum because it's like

my kids are in it I'm carrying fries and shit in it so it's like when that allure wears off it's like my kids are in it. I'm eating fries and shit in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like when that allure wears off, it's like now I just have this thing. Did you furnish the whole house? Are you shooing me out? So not.

Because you just have the apartment. It just, like we just cleared permits and all that shit. I'm doing a bunch of renovate. Okay, you. The one thing I'm going to do, I got a tennis court on the property. What? Shut the fuck up. Bro, I got this steel. It was the fuck bro i've i got this steel it was

the first house i looked at and i bought it and i don't know whether that's gonna be a good thing or a bad thing in the long run shit because it's old but it's well yeah westchester without being so specific okay all right on a corner of maple and elm what the fuck got a tennis court yonkers well that's the thing though it's like it i every property i looked at that had even a little bit of of a yard it's like three million dollars you know in westchester it's just fucking crazy and i found this place i don't know if it's because it was two old people i think they might have died because i never met them i only met their kids i'm out and i don't know what was going on but it's a big piece of land and it had a pool

and a tennis court dang And it was for a price that was like comparable to all these other regular houses. Yeah, you gotta do it. Ghost or no ghost. And so I bought it. Yeah, there's definitely

some shit going on. You gotta take that. You can buy sage. Right, right, right. I literally, I, I mean, do you guys really believe in ghosts? Yeah, 100%.

Yeah, because I just bought a Dyson. Not right now, but if I'm in an abandoned house i was gonna say i just bought a dyson and thought i was killing it i thought that was in response to the ghost like oh i believe in ghosts i bought a hair dryer i've been sucking them up for weeks your hair will freeze up yeah 100 but like i say i believe in it but then it's like I don't know and then like some funky shit

happened in my house that I was like I cannot explain this and I got a little out of the house as well I'm sitting next to you man I don't yeah

but it's funny because when you watch a scary movie I always say to myself like bro if that was me and that happened I would get the fuck

out of there I don't care how much I paid for it and you're like ah it's probably paint yeah i was like i just dropped how much on this cash i'm staying here until i'm dead you know like what happened so uh well first of all we walked the property when we first bought it uh-huh and this has it in burial ground written all over it it all looked good like the next day my dad goes up there for the first time and he goes, like, you got your first squatter. You didn't tell me about the statue.

And I was like, what does that mean? And he sends me a picture and there's this little boy statue in the back corner. And I didn't really walk the property as intensely as everyone else did. I was kind of like, eh, we're good. But everybody else tells me, we walked every corner. And they're like, we did not see that last time. And it's old. And it's creepy.

And it's a little boy. And it has a polo on. And he's like this. And I was like, we have a fucking weird statue. Next to, I have a well on the property, which is also creepy, right? Oh, man, no. Get out, dude. Get out.

And then, and then, and that was weird enough that was weird enough but i was like i don't know maybe we just missed it maybe some kids are fucking around they put it there there are some explanations right no one night this was this was the thing that really fucked me up one night i cleaned the kitchen top to bottom before i went to bed i know it for a fact because i scrubbed it all down and I was like, I never do this. I was just leaving for the morning

and that night, I did it. Were the kids with you? Were the kids staying over there? No, no. The kids were with their mom that night. No chance anybody else was.

Wake up the next morning and there is a coffee stain the length of the countertop. I don't drink coffee. There's no coffee in the house. And the way it didn't connect to a sink first of all I kind of like touched it and smelled it

it was sweet so it was coffee but I was like maybe it's dirty water it didn't touch the sink it didn't go to a window it was just like a stand alone puddle was it like puddle or dry it was dry by that point there was no cup there was no nothing

but it was just a stain. Nothing in the ceiling. Nothing from the windows. Nothing from the sink. It was sweet, so it was some sort of drink. I think coffee. I don't have it. And it was just like a contained, like it looked like somebody knocked it, and it spilled down the counter, and then they took it away.

And then I was like, maybe I don't have ghosts. Maybe I have a fucking person in my house at night. Yeah. So I don't know. There's all that shit going on. You check the attic? Crawl space? You got a crawl space?

Bro, so then I had to like. That's where they live, dude. That's where the EBGBs are. The video where the lady comes down out of the guy's kitchen? Yeah, she was living there for like two years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's making the rounds on Twitter right now. So then I start seeing.

Yeah, and I did have to go up in the attic, and I was like poking my head up. Like, I'm going to get decapitated. But anyway, this is all to say I got a tennis court, and I'm going to turn it into a basketball court. That's fun. There you go. I bought a place in the Burbs. Are you in Philly or New York? Jersey.

Jersey. And we used it on the weekends and shit. We still have our apartment in New York, but it's just to be close to my family. And it's me and two of my boys and my wife and my dog. We're all in the kitchen. It was like midnight. It was like right almost at midnight. We're drinking, having a good time, talking about death.

And it was like, so-and-so died. What do you want to do? Just whatever. And out of nowhere, one of the panels in the other room, like we're in the kitchen in the living room. One of the panels on the fireplace, the other room like we're in the kitchen in the living room one of the panels on the fireplace the glass panels just shatters oh no just shatters is there a fire going on though no oh just like you know the fireplace panels shattered yeah and we were like we all walk in we're like what the fuck and like now this is i'm like for sure there's a ghost i have to start lying to myself and be like, ah, the temper glass, there could have been a crack.

The heat, the wind. Because the choice is either you lie to yourself or it's like, should we get in the car and run away like a bunch of pussies? Follow you. You go to bed, you're like, what are they going to do? It's going to murder me? Like, this would be happening everywhere. Like, no one's just ever like, oh, he was stabbed in his sleep. You know what i

mean like that shit doesn't happen when you actually get confronted because that's why i said when i watched those movies i was always like i would just get up and leave and then it's like well i'm a i'm a grown adult and i'm and what am i really am i gonna like run to my mom's house and be like i think there's i don't know what i thought about it i make sure my buddy stayed the night it was also a time i ended up uh i had this well and there's a little well house built on top of it so you like is that where the water comes from it's just an old well uh i use like there is clean water i can like fill a pool with it but i like my my house has a regular connection but a well and a well house is a very creepy thing you know like sure and uh one night

like the first night it gets dark out and a light was on in the well house. And I came to find out that it's like, if this switch is in house, that turns it on. But I remember going, I was like, that light was not on earlier, so someone's in there. And I remember going out to make a video and I was like, I'm gonna pretend that I'm seeing it for the first time.

I was like, I'm gonna do a little social media magic with my video and pretend I'm seeing it. And I started to do it and I walked out there and I got actually scared and I turned around I was like I'm not doing this I had a video of me turning around going nope nope not doing it I was uh I was smoking it was it had snowed and I was like I would crank cigs kind of hiding them from my wife about how much like not but like how many I was smoking right and uh I would just flick them in, I would stand by the door and flick them in the, thank you.

Check, check. It was snow, there was snow on the ground, so I flicked them in the snow and then it was covered. And then like the snow melted and she went back and was there like a night by herself and I was meeting her the next morning. So she woke up in the morning, just looked like someone had been standing at the window

looking in. That ghost is breaking six! She's like, someone's been smoking cigarettes and staring in the windows. I'm like, nah, that was me. Yeah, he's a real creep. He's got a huge dick. This ghost is a chain smoker. Jesus Christ, he's

despicable. It's made me an adult where I've realized I'm not an adult. I've lived in apartments for the past ten years, and so they're like, oh, there's, you know, this needs app. And I'm like, well, call the super. Oh, fuck. I have to figure this out.

I have a very good relationship. And I'm not the guy. Then all you guys, it seems like with, like, I, like, grew up on a cemetery and have, like, for some reason, my family has only. Dude, my family. I love when you mean? Dude, my family... I love when outsiders come in and John says a John thing. I mean, I've known you for like three years now, and I'm still confused. I thought your parents did well. I thought you had a nice place.

Yeah, but they just... So my mom grew up on a house that was right across the street from the cemetery. I grew up in a house that was right across the street from the cemetery. When I was young, they bought a house on Martha's Vineyard that was literally attached to a cemetery and then i'll tell you what that's three too many cemeteries and then they're their house now they bought a new house and the house now has a it's an it's in like it's you go when you go down this little private street at the top there are graves and they probably lived there for a year before i was was like, what are those graves at the top of the street? And they're like, they actually are.

It's an old Indian burial ground. It used to be at this house, but they moved down to build this house. It's straight up. That's what they haunt you. You disrupted the dead. But despite all this, I've never had any interest. It's just always raining over your house. I think it's one of those things, it's almost like Santa Claus. You gotta believe in it to have it happen.

I've never had anything where I'm like, that was a ghost. Sure. I also think that's the thing. If your mind's just closed off to it, you're like, okay, whatever. I used to watch this thing. When you start hearing things that are, like, sometimes I'm like, I can't, I don't know what that sound was. And there's always a clank in a pipe, but it's like... Do the kids say anything?

No, that, yeah, that, that, the day the kids start going like, who was there, who was here last night, daddy? And I saw the man. And then I'm like, let's get in the fuck out, really. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the kids, because they say the kids can hear it. And this guy came in, or my, whatever, it was my nephew and his friend,

it was like a birthday party or something, they were upstairs, and they came down, and they're like, why are you, like, go upstairs. And they're like, no, that old man yelled at us and told us to go downstairs really yeah and then my that was like that was somebody outside of the family that didn't know the story of like i think the old the old man died upstairs in the house no way yeah that was like a third party that my sister had never told anybody and then my my nephew at one point came upstairs and was like came into my sister's like why is that old man yelling at you?

And she was just she was like nighttime was just her and him in the house. And he was like, well, what's crazy, though, did and they had someone come in and be like, please leave. Well, you know, this house is now ours and we want to raise our family here. And since priest in there. Yeah. Since then, rosemary. We did that once. Once in high school, we did that. We got a priest to perform an exorcism then, not burning rosemary. We did that once. Once in high school,

we did that. We got a priest to perform an exorcism. Wait, say that again? In high school, it's like my buddy who kind of did it.

Did you go to school in the 20s? I went to an abbey. Kind of, yeah. I went to a fucking abbey. I went to a Jesuit abbey. I don't even know what that is.

It's where monks live. So all the, not all, but a lot of our teachers were monks. And one of them had performed exorcisms before, Father Pascal. And my buddy was like, I'm just going to tell him my room's haunted. And I think the haunting family.

Just for shits and games? Yeah. That's pretty fun. That's a Friday night right there. Let's see what you're made of, Pascal. So it was the haunting of Emily Rose had just come out. he was like i forget i forget what time she wakes up but she always wakes up at like 3 33 or some shit like that so he's just telling this fucking priest the plot of the haunting of emily rose and the priest is like we got to fix this get out of here that's so crazy like they're

supposed to like vet that shit right you gotta like talk to the bad guys but they want he wants to believe it at the same time he's like I want to do it yeah he's he I mean I just told this during the podcast where he like

he would sing walking down the stairs because he thought stairs were haunted so he would sing like homily or sing like what do you call them

not homilies hymns hymns and he emptied out the whole dorm he's like no one can be in here for this it's dangerous

because it was a boring school and he emptied out the whole dorm. He's like, no one can be in here for this. It's dangerous. Because it was a boarding school. And he emptied out the whole dorm and everyone had to stand outside while he just performed yelling. Did you hear? I wasn't there. So he was my buddy who did it. I wasn't a boarder. And he emptied the whole dorm out at night and had them perform like an exorcism. Real cool school.

That's what the cool kids were doing. I was just going to say something before that that you reminded me of, but fuck, I forget. There was a really good, I don't know if it was really good, it was back in the day, it was called Paranormal State. It was on like A&E or whatever. It was the Penn State's Ghost Club or whatever. And they would travel around.

Also known as the Lady Killer. Yeah. A couple of mutants in this group. But it was pretty good because they would go and people would write them and be like, hey, I'm having this in my house and this and this. And I liked it because they went with the idea of we do not believe this is a ghost. We're going to disprove. We're going to listen and watch and come up with reasons of

why it is not a ghost so like that was the way they approached it they're like oh it's the boiler it's the hat it's the whatever and like they never found anything after like nine seasons when that kind of shit happens like it happened with me with the coffee i i was on the phone my brother explaining it and i was like so i'm a little bit like scared to be honest i don't know what to do, and I'm talking from the point of view of a ghost, and he's talking from the point of view, he's like, I think someone was in your house. He's like, you gotta go get a

fucking alarm system, because I think a person was there. So then when kids start saying shit like that, I'm like, well, the first thing I need to do is make sure that it wasn't an actual old man yelling at me. He's off his meds. If you get the locks changed, it could be some doll walker from a few years ago. That's what I mean, yeah. I. He was off his meds. He's in the wrong house. He's got a squad house. Did he get the locks changed? It could be some doll walker from a few years ago.

That's what I mean. Yeah, I didn't. I still haven't done any of that stuff. That's crazy. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. Whatever. I got another topic for the fellows here. Because when you come into some cash, you know, people start hitting you up a little bit.

Really? And we have a gentleman here. Let me just hold 20, baby. I've got a big exorcism. We have a gentleman here. Are you guys familiar with Billy Football at all at Barstool? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He has decided to run for Congress. Oh, is this real? I had seen the post. I just wasn't sure how much of a baby it was. No, he's running for uh republican congressman of some district out on long island um state congressman yes yes yes yes yeah uh right no he's not running for the u.s congress is he no i think he is no he's yeah he's running for george santos yeah whatever george santos was no shit yeah yeah that's that's easy money It might be a lot. Are you kidding me?

And it kind of started out, I was like, this is stupid. And then he went on, I think, Fox News, and he had an appearance where he crushed it and spoke. I mean, it was all politician speak, but I was like, he can do what all the politicians do. Sure. I don't know if he can do it in real life. He's speaking the language. He can play the, yeah. He's not running under the name Billy Football, is he? Well, that's what's funny is his Twitter is Billy Hot Takes and he's like tweeting out all these things that are like real serious and he's now fighting against

some corrupt incumbent and all this shit okay and he hits me up the other day and he says i mean we never talk on the phone so i thought i was gonna be about work and he and i said what's up billy and he gives he goes right into the spiel i'm calling you today as a running as a member of Congress and he says and I say, he goes, would you be willing to support and I say, how can I support the campaign he goes, well we could start with I can send you the donation link

and I said, sure Billy, send me the link and he sends me the link and as we get off the phone he goes, just a reminder $3,300 is the maximum and I say, okay, and I hang up. And that was like a week or two ago, and then I get a hit today. He texts me again. He says, hey, I was looking at the link, and I see that you still haven't donated.

Just wanted to, you know, however he worded it, just reminding you or whatever. Following up. And I'm sitting here going, do I have to give Billy Football 3,300 bucks right now? Yeah, you do. I think so. Are you crazy? Have a congressman in your back pocket? What are you, nuts?

You should all be donating. What are we doing here? This is what you live for. Yeah, those parking tickets. Now you got money. Now you got to keep that money. No show job. Kick back.

You nuts. I didn't think about it from this way. I don't necessarily know if Billy football is going to keep that money. No-show job. Get back. Are you nuts? I didn't think about it from this way. I don't necessarily know if Billy Football is going to be mine. $3,300 for the chance. I don't think Billy Football is going to be doing it. Send me the link, Bill. There's a house of cards over here. Inside stock tips.

All the money Pelosi's making. What are you, crazy? Political parties. Give me the goddamn link. Yeah, you're nuts. I'll be over there handing out flyers. That's the dream, baby. Get somebody on the inside.

What's wrong with you? Oh my God. That is brilliant. You're 100% right. Somebody in Congress? He's building football at the same time. If it was like... There's somebody running out there.

So does he have a chance of winning? I don't think so. Is he running against anybody else? The problem is right now, he's being squeezed out. The parties don't like that. Yeah. As much as it's kind of silly, they don't like some Trump shit.

They don't like an outsider who comes in and shines a light on some of the dumb shit. That $3,300300 go a long way. He's also running against, I learned this the other day, he's running against a young kid. Oh, really? Yeah. He's not running against some establishment dude. I think with the machine of Barstool behind him

we can get this thing done. Mike Lepetri. Metal and Mike Lepetri is also a kid? He's like 35 or something. Madeline Mike Lepetri? What's he, a Scooby-Doo character? Well, Billy's doing his Donald Trump. Oh, okay. That's great.

I thought Ted's like, well, okay. Madeline Mike is all right. This goddamn kid's a winner. He started with Lepetri dish, and I think someone told him that doesn't really hit. I think somebody might use a reboot. Make like a tree and get out of here. But what I learned also the other day is that, again, this is, you know, who knows what's really happening, but he's using, like, a fake address.

Like, he's using, like, his parents' address, like some Dylan, Texas shit. That's what I was wondering, too. I was like, do you live on Long Island? No, no, Billy's not. The other kid is. Oh, okay. Billy is? I was going to say, photo burn. What are you doing?

Man, these guys are screwballs. But the kid lives in Hoboken or something like that with roommates. And I was like, you can't. Oh, come on. You can't be a U.S. congressman and have roommates. Oh, so this whole thing is a circus. I know sometimes congressmen. I might throw my hat in the ring.

I thought he was running against whether crooked or quality. I don't know. But a real politician who's like a dad and older. But at the end of the day, he's running for George Santos' seat. So there's no one who could have had it because George Santos just had it. So you can't have some establishment guy who had it. That is a good point. I don't think I made that connection.

I knew George Santos was the guy, but I thought that this other dude had been around or was older. But if it's all a joke, maybe I will have to donate to the cause. Kickback money. Yeah, that's right. How many problems do you make? Plus, it's a write-off. Our political donations are write-offs, by the way. Spend money you don't want to spend so that maybe your taxes are a little bit lower.

It's not maybe. Yeah, but it's how much... You know what I mean? You know what I mean? It's like, unless you got fucking somebody really cooking your books. No, the U.S. government does not reward you for earning and saving money. They want you to spend it. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

Check out my helicopter. This tax season was... I got the money last year, but they deferred it. They pushed it because there's a lot of moving shit with the equity. So this was the big tax year. Ouch. Oh, my God. Yeah.

That's no bueno. My God. I know Mark Cuban was out there parading around his $280 million tax bill. I would have put a gun in my mouth before I hit transfer. $280 million? $280 million. Just think if you had Billy play ball in the driver's seat all right that'll go away i i know what he's talking about like my civic duty it's a great country but it's also like but fuck you dude like this money is going to like absolute corrupt bullshit we all know yeah

if i really thought your 280 million dollars was like going to good it's like but then when you're like the i'm i'm i'm more cuban than anything i'm like i don't give a shit who cares the like if you're arguing you're jewish uh-huh the like it's just like the rules of democracy though like if you're like well where's it going it is it is i do think it's the biggest scam in the world though i think we have just accepted it but it is a scam but someone's gotta pay it i wish some i don't think you do i wish they would just i was gonna pay for school yes but like then i think there's like hippie billions more once you're done with walking into the shit that you need to pay for and the rest are going to fucking dirty politicians' pockets. Well, my thing would be like...

Which we could be involved in. If you would pony up $3,300. What is this, we talk. You want to get in? You pay, what, $800? We'll split it all right here? There you go. I want a full $3,300 share.

And immunity. I'll send you the link. I want full immunity. I'll pay that for whatever. I think the problem now is that this is the first time we're working for ourselves rather than jobs. Yeah. Where it was like, I didn't care about paying taxes before because I just got what I was allowed to spend. But now I'm getting it all.

And then they're like, we want half in a year. I'm like, what? I can't fucking. You can't control me with that kind of power. I got hammered waiting tables. I always got fucking jammed up. Really? Always.

Because they. You weren't fucking pocketing it? Not telling them? Everything got pretty legit. You were like reporting it? They got real tight on it. Yeah. In the 2000s.

And everybody started using credit cards. Yeah. Back in the day. You know, whatever. But they still would always claim the cash but you get a check so you get paid waiting tables you get a check for like two dollars and 50 cents an hour right and that's supposed to cover the taxes like don't even from the tips and it doesn't so at the end of the year i'd go to fucking h&r block and i try to get

my rapid refund like a dirt ball you're jammed up if you're looking for the rapid refund. When you're young, tax season used to be great because I always got a return. I planned any vacation I could have had. I'll be getting $1,200 back. And then it became not that.

I was in the Bahamas once on spring break and it hit and I was like, boys, night's on me tonight. I had a real I don't want to say crooked, but I had an accountant who was a family friend in Yonkers in like a

little one room office. Seems straight. I don't know what you're talking about. A Yonkers CPA in a one room office. A hundred years old. Was that the racetrack? Worked with our family forever. He would just be the type type of guy like how much did you donate to charity this year and i'd be like nothing he'd be like you 10 grand yeah one of those guys and there was a time in my life where that worked and then again now we start talking about equity and stocks and all this shit

and i needed somebody you know real sure and uh do you have a portfolio i guess you do right yeah yeah but like i got i still got a bunch of shit i gotta clear up before i could really start investing it and but i uh you are i went with uh some tax people that have worked with people here you know like everybody who's already made money here we're gonna follow in their footsteps and i i um i switched over to like a reputable accountant firm you know and i was like we're gonna do it the straight way because this is too much money now to fuck around with and they immediately find out i owe 120 000 in taxes i put a gun on that's crazy that doesn't matter

you might as well be more cuban to me that's crazy i mean i only had nothing to do with the money my money coming in so had i like caught that let's say yeah i would have been fucked i couldn't have paid 120 000 in taxes before that money came in. And the guy who I left had the nerve to say to my mom, he was mad at me for breaking up with him. And I found out later, he was fucking up my taxes. Oh, shit. It's the tune of $120,000. That's a lot.

I have old tax bills, too. I'm on a monthly payment plan. I just take a little bit out. Yeah. Well, what they say now is they want me to pay it forward, like ahead. They're like, if you pay a quarterly amount

when tax season comes, you won't get hit that hard. And I'm like, I'm not doing that. Yeah, miss me, call that shit. What do I die tomorrow? I'm not paying you

ahead of time. I'll pay you in April and it'll be bigger and I'll just fucking cry about it then. Anybody that I... My cousin told me that when we started

kind of doing that for a minute. We did it once why am i you should start making quarterly payments we're like okay we made the first one late and we're like yo fuck that why would you do that why would you let them know bro my dick let them get their interest when you can be in your party i heard yeah i know i'm gonna get jammed up with this but i like what you're saying our one guy guy said, no free loans to the government. I was like, you make so much sense.

It's also these things. It's like, I don't know. Am I investing it right? I don't know. But what you said is right. They're not going to earn it. I don't know if I'm going to earn it, but they're not going to fucking get it on my money. You know what I mean?

I don't know what I'm doing, but. We may or may not have just signed everything over to one guy. I was trying not to say that bro we've done that but this guy's got everything he's got my personal account he's got everything we've we've transferred shit all over the place at barstool we we had i think the original thing was just like dave portnoy's like personal accounts and then he was like i gotta open up a business and i think it was like barstool sports llc and then he got jammed up a couple times and some things and we made purple starfish productions and we put the money in there and then we made our sales guy we made our sales guy the president

of that and i think feidelberg was technically not even employed by barstool at one point like you know we had it all going i respect that john fidelberg independent contractor here's a 1099 how you doing i'll see i'll see you on the april 15th it's all i i it's all a scam i don't want to i don't want to have to ever think about i like i said it's just reached the point where it's, I can't think about it, so I just go, hey, someone take care of this, because I can't do it. You're making more money now than you ever were before, right? Yeah, I think in 2020, I made $12,000.

In 2020? Yeah. No shit. I think it was, whatever, because that was the year I got married and my wife was from another country. So legally you have to make a certain amount of money. I think it's like you have to make like $24,000 a year. You have to make enough money to get married? That's a thing?

Because you have to be financially responsible for if I'm saying like, hey, this is my wife from another country. Like I'm sponsoring her citizen, whatever, green card. You're fiscally responsible for that person. No fucking way. Yeah, and I think I'm fiscally – even if we get a divorce, I think I'm fiscally responsible for that person no fucking way yeah and i am i think i'm physically even if we get a divorce i think i'm fiscally responsible for oh let me tell you buddy if you get a divorce you are still yeah so whatever it was i think it was like 24 000 or something a year and i i made it by like i think we lost i think i think i made it by like 300 that was a cash tip i got I booked a gig at the Chuckle Hut.

I swear to God. We're going to make it to $24,000. Yeah. That's crazy. But do you, so, I mean, obviously when you come from $12,000 a year to like money, things get a lot easier or whatever.

But do you stress and worry about your money now? No. I really don't. I mean, I got to the point where it's like. I do. It's also like, we're not, we're doing well, but it's like, to the point where it's like... I do. It's also like, we're doing well, but you gotta think it's like, half goes to taxes, managers, agents, business managers,

then he gets half, then we have to split whatever's left. Right, right. After paying, it's like, we're stupid, dude. We just rented a tour bus for four days because we didn't want to drive. We put everything back into the building. It's it's like hey let's just have fun yeah let's ride this till the wheels fall off as long as like everyone's bills are paid and you're putting some money away it's like yeah we're not like i'm not like we're not like scrooge mcduck

right yeah yeah that's the way to do it though man i'd like i'd rather have fun now and then figure it out when i'm 50 yeah yeah every time there's we're doing some fucking cockamamie thing at barstool there's a prize uh you know the prize gets very highly touted and talked about and john's always the one going it's not 50 grand it's 25 and then really if you think about it he'll talk he'll talk down we did survivor for a hundred thousand dollars and he. And he was like, it's not $100,000. It's barely. And he's like, at the end of the day, you're talking about like $5,000. What? How did we get from $100,000 to $5,000?

I work like the English Premier League. They announce salaries post-tax. Rather than like, Shohei Otani is making $600 million. No, he's not. Shohei is making about like, again, $300. Then you got $10 to your agent, $10 to your fucking manager. $10 to your lawyer. It's like.

He's taking a bunch too. Once you see like, we'll get a check on the road and you're like, oh, great. And then you look, you're like, oh, no. That was like, we should have stayed home. If you go into it with that fucking mindset of like, I'm going to have a huge shit, then it's disappointing. If you're like, well, if you acknowledge what the number actually is we're doing well we're we're you know we're all our bills are paid we pulled ourselves out of debt we're fucking chilling yeah we we definitely i'm still in debt my bills are not paid you know what's funny every every podcast duo we know

there's always they always align. Sure. With this. Complete opposite. I'm a fan of money. There's always a KFC in the final burn, or a Kevin in a Foley, or a Tom in a Bert. There's always one that aligns. I'm a fan of money in the sense of I have this thing where I'm like, I'll spend an extra 800 bucks on whatever it is, and then I'm like, well, if I ever need 800 bucks, there's an apocalypse.

That's going to come back to bite me in the ass. If I do that every week, that's pretty bad. Yeah, but I always say that if it comes down to like $5,000, I wasn't going to make it anyway. Yeah, if I ever need $3,000, we're fucked. I like a cold seafood tower.

I don't know what to tell you. Before I got the money, I got down to zero with lawyer's fees and shit. I hit zero. And once I got approached zero, I started getting more frivolous because I was like, what's the difference? 1,000 versus 800. I'll just drop this 200 here, which is not smart. I'm not saying it's the right thing. Got to hit rock bottom.

But once you get that close, it's like, well, I am fucked no matter what. I mean, I was going to have to ask for a loan from somebody anyway, any minute. Last year, I was, whenever taxes were due, I was like, oh, I have to clear out everything. Like, I was at zero. Yeah. I was like, that's it. Yeah, we got hammered. I was managing it, so I'm like, okay, cool.

So it was like, and then they're like, yo, taxes or this? And I was like, oh, I have no, I think I had like $800 in cash, and I had to deposit to make the payment. And I was like, okay. That is so sick, though. It's like you guys. It was also just me being an idiot. I know, but it's like the system is either scamming you or difficult enough that you guys are the perfect story of you grind grinded and now you caught on fire and it's working and you deserve it and you just get

fucked anyway yeah the iris cares about our sob story i got missiles to pay for going to palestine jesus christ uh yeah no i'm also too like uh i think we were so poor for so so broke for so long that like it's kind of like being you know how like like uh soldiers are like you can't worry about you have to resign that you're like dead already yeah yeah otherwise you so i'm like oh i'll go back to i made it work with that i was born in the dark i was always saying i'll always be able to go do a show and make some like make enough cash to be like, oh, I can pay my rent. I can pay my car payment.

So it's like, I'll figure the fuck. I'll scam something. I don't know, you know? I've always said that with this one. I'll run for Congress. If it ends in a dentist's office in Milton again, that's fine. Yeah. I'm okay.

We always knew, too. My goal here was always like, let's cover salaries. Is that where you worked? Yeah. That's where he was. That's where the first office was. His office was a dentist office. Oh, yeah.

It's in Milton. Well, that's the same thing. I'm like, we can always go back to- I think you're going to blow your brains out. I had to get high on the dentist office. This is where it ends. It ends at Dr. Cooley's office. It ends at Dr. Cooley's office.

I was fine then. I'll be fine again. I guess. Who cares? The day that I was able to do a clown job to survive. Oh, we're winning. The rest was icing on the cake. And I've been lucky enough.

There's a lot of icing. But that moment was when I was like. Whenever it goes downhill, I'm fucking. I'm here. Because it goes downhill. Everybody goes up and goes down. I want it. You know what I mean?

I'm like, let's see how bad this is going to get. Let's see how low we can go, baby. I'll still be in that Eddie Bauer. Yeah, it's like you own your house. I do keep thinking that. I'm like, they can't take this. They can take that at some point. But I don't have to pay for that.

I can sit in this thing until... You can sell it. Yeah. When this comes out, you boys, we will have run the 5K. You guys are going too? Yeah. I just shit myself. Did you really?

Austin, what's his? I forgot. Davis Clark. What are we looking at for times? I'm walking. You're walking. Yeah, of course. This is a personal appearance. I'm not fucking having a heart attack.

Bert and I discussed that. I couldn't. My knees are all fucked up. No, Bert fucking sandbagged us. What happened was he got us all drunk on that hoochie splishing. Which is fantastic, by the way. I'm not a vodka guy. It's very good.

I had that in a Sprite. I was fucking cooking. He also does this lime juice in a bottle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He knows what he's doing. We were in Vegas and they came on the show to promote it for the Super Bowl and they brought

I think Tom had just gotten it from a bartender down there. Those Busby's or whatever they were. Oh, yeah. I heard about that. That was flower buds almost. You put them in your mouth and it's like effervescent, like bubbles your mouth and then you drink the vodka and it's little flower buds almost. You put them in your mouth, and it's like an effervescent, like bubbles your mouth, and then you drink the vodka, and it's like, oh.

No kidding. Yeah. Dude, I had like a five-minute span. I had a Busby, a vodka, and I took mushrooms. Jesus. Then I had to go talk. I was like co-hosting like an event. You were fucked.

And I was like, the world was moving on me. She's staring at a wall. What what's up I'm John Feidelberg 20 minutes into it so we did it right to start the interview and then like 20 minutes into it I looked at Tom and there was like a desert backdrop behind him and that was just waving and I was like fuck I shouldn't have done it this early god damn it

we were in Virginia or something we went on a run with him we did like the Chicago United Center which was crazy. It was just arenas. It was like 15,000 people. When you do that, because you guys are doing theaters and shit now, so that's a big jump. Sure, yeah, of course.

And you just go out and play your game? Or do you freak out and you're like, how the fuck am I going to do this? A little bit of nerves, but I think the pretty good thing is, there's a saying that if you can swim in six feet of water, you can swim in a thousand feet. And it's like, obviously the nerves and everything and lucky enough we were doing it together so like he went out first the first night and then i went after him and it's like we followed each other our whole career so i'm like you know i got a good shotgun like in my

head i'm like if he's doing it i can do it let's just go do it sure yeah just yell i was just yelling let's go let's go it also charges you to 15th hour, however many thousands of people. You're like, ah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, just get my jokes out. They'll do okay. Just don't bomb the first one. And then you can build your confidence.

That was a cool education. But the behind-the-scenes stuff is crazy. Like, what he's built. Like, the last time we went out with Bert, there was like, you know, I think we did like a 4,000 seat place in Vegas and then like a 3,000 seat in California, somewhere in Northern California. And there was like a tour bus. There was a truck. You know, there was guys and all that stuff. This is like, it's like a movie set.

There's like four tour buses. There's like five tractor trailers. You wake up. There's catering. There's an omelet bar. Like everywhere. He was like, dude, I could get used to this. I'm like, every room we turn and there's catering there's an omelet bar like everywhere so he was like dude i could get used to this i'm like every room we turn and there's a fucking charcuterie board

i can get used to just meat and cheese rolling around in the united center just rolling through there's the nets it's crazy i always laugh when i when i see like uh you know like overly nerdy comedy fans on YouTube and Reddit and talking shit about Bert and Two Bears. And I see how they live. And it's like, guys, you have no fucking clue how much this guy is crushing life. Shut your fucking mouth. This dude is doing it like perfectly.

You get a taste of that. And it's like, oh, my God. The pop Bert gets when he goes out. It's unlike anything. I filmed it every night because i'm like you'll i'll never see this again yeah i'll never see somebody this fucking big rock star shit dude yeah that shirt comes off yeah it shakes every time it shakes we learned in austin he's the greatest introducer of all time. Yeah. Like, he's talking to literal billionaires

and guys who own restaurants and, you know, titans of industry. And what he should say is like, these are my two fucking clown friends. These are my number-head sons that I like. Instead, he's like, these guys have the biggest podcast on the planet Earth. He's this and he's that.

And I'm like, we're none of these things. But these guys are like, oh, cool. Nice to meet you. And I'm like, okay. Yeah, things. These guys are like, oh, cool. Nice to meet you. And I'm like, okay. Yeah, he's the man. Yeah, he's... But he sandbagged you into this. We're all fucked up.

He's real fucked up. I'm pretty, you know, I got my wits about me at least. We're hanging out after the show and we're getting in a car and driving to like the airport at like midnight or whatever and the tour's continuing on. We were just doing like a short run with him

and he's like, let's do it. Let's do it. I think it'll be good for you guys. Like, you know what I mean? at midnight or whatever, and the tour is continuing on. We were just doing a short run with him, and he's like, let's do it, let's do it. I think it'll be good for you guys. You know what I mean? Which it was. It's worked out. It has. How long ago? This was a month ago, right? Yeah. What has worked out? Training for it? I've been walking more than

I ever have. Why don't you walk with Foley? Yeah, maybe I'll do that. Sure. If I have somebody to walk with, I'll walk. I don't want to run. You gotta bring bags, though. Huh? You gotta bring bags. What does that mean?

In case I poop. And he likes his treats, too. His beggar strips. But then we're like, he's like, all right, let's do it. He pulls out the phone, and he's like, we got a commitment from Kippy and Foley. And then we're leaving. He's like, like dude i'm not gonna post that till tomorrow like we're real fucked up right now well because we have talent

we're shameless plug we're doing town hall in new york on thursday may 9th let's go so it's like we're flying out monday doing the race tuesday flying back wednesday town hall on town hall fucking town hall's still tickets available. I hate that one. But we did the same thing with Austin. We literally flew to Austin just for that party. And that's something I ordinarily would never do. He's much more like a yes and I'm a no kind of guy. But we both agreed.

I was like, that guy's been so good to us. Oh, he's the best. They're the both of them. It's so fun. It's a fly in the air. I know, but yeah. Right. And then I get there and have a blast. And I'm like, yeah, why did I even consider not doing this? this five years ago i was working a brunch shift wanting to blow my brain yeah it's like yeah i'll get on a plane and go hang with

my famous boys yeah yeah yeah uh but he's like i'm not gonna post this till tomorrow we'll have a phone call i'm like i don't even know if we can make it work schedule wise like he's like i'm not gonna post this let's we'll talk sober in the morning i'm like all right my man we hop in the uber we're not even out of the parking lot and it's like burt kreischer tagged you in a photo that's fucking great i was gonna say me dude i can't believe he even hesitated at all yeah obviously but we're excited yeah we're stoked people and the rose bowl dude i've been running almost every day i haven't trained at all. Bert asked me like a month ago, and I was like, I'll get back to you. I just got back to him like last week.

Not that I would have trained anyway. Can you hack it? Is it like a race? I mean, no. Is someone trying to win this? I haven't run. I haven't ran positive my freshman year of high school. I think you can run it.

He can do it. You should be able to do it. I'm doing. Hold on. You haven't ran three miles since your freshman year of high school. I think you can run it. He can do it. You should be able to do it. I'm doing... Hold on. You haven't ran three miles since your freshman year of high school? No. Definitely. Are you doing any cardio?

Jumps rope. That's pretty good. He's going to be fine. What about the heaters? You're on the heaters? Not regularly. He's very in shape. His cardio is probably not great, but you are in very good shape.

You'll be fine. Dude, if I can do it, you can do it. I one time did. This is back when I was in shape. I was probably like early great, but you are in very good shape. You'll be fine. Dude, if I can do it, you can do it. I one time did, this is back when I was in shape, I was probably like early 20s, mid 20s. You're in shape compared to this side of the room. You're in shape, dude. But I showed up for, I signed up for... You're fucking

David Goggins compared to us. He really is. We did the Barstool Combine. I mean, I've been gushing about this for like a month now. He put up 135 42 times. The only person who beat him was Will Compton, who just got out of the NF fucking hell. He's just a regular dude. But the like, like, I may or may not be haunted.

Like, I was like 25 and I agreed to do a charity bike ride and it was 50 miles. And I was like, fuck. I was like, those can be gnarly, though. Dude, but I showed up. So I was like, I'm in shape. This is easy. Who gives a fuck? I showed up in a skateboard helmet because all I could find in my garage. And I had a mongoose with pegs.

And I got to the front of the line. That's crazy. And everyone was in spandex and had bikes. You did a 50-mile race in a mongoose? That's hilarious. Put that on. Are you garbage? Jesus Christ. That's hilarious. Put that on. Are you garbage? Jesus Christ.

That's unbelievable. I had a skateboard helmet with skateboard Skater Island stickers, Providence Road Island, as it was in Tony Hawk video game, and I was just sitting there pedaling on a bike that my knees were like... I was going to say, you can't go like five miles on a mongoose.

Those are made to go from one end of the park to the next. That's it. I got like 15 miles in. I finished it, but I got like 15 miles in and I was like, this is going to be a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. 50 miles. That's a lot. That's the way to Philly. For real. Let's exit whatever on the bike.

We're excited, man. I can't wait. Are you guys doing anything else out there? No. We're literally just going out, coming back the next day. Fuck yeah. We got Town Hall. Yeah. But we'll be there.

In and out. His main concern was that I wasn't going to be able to walk. He's like, I'm not fucking dealing with you. Yeah. My thing is, obviously, I love him to death. I'm not talking shit on him. You're talking about me? Yeah.

He's a big personality. Yeah. He's uncomfortable or hurt, which he has been. He's had a bad leg, a bad knee on the road. A bad knee, not a bad leg. Yeah, yeah. What's the difference? It's a difference.

It's a difference. It's a difference. He's a lot. It's a lot to be around. Ah! Ah! Every movement, he's screaming. Dude, I'm not doing the biggest show of our life.

I don't want to have to be like, ah, somebody made a fucking chore. I'm like, I'm not dealing with that. I'm not dealing with you waddling out on soundcheck, complaining the whole time. I want to have fun this night. In this situation, I think we now cross because I'm that. I can't do any of that shit anymore. I'm all banged up too, so I'm always the one. He sent me the text with the flyer

for the john did not for the 5k and he just said like we should probably do this and i just never replied i just started talking about some other shit because i don't want to do my knees are shot from sports and from having the weight for so long so we'll just the orthopedic and he was like uh he's like you have the knees of a 70 year old man really man. Really? I probably do, too. A winner of a 12-year-old. Who you been talking to? I got told I'm going to need a new hip at 40. You know what you should do, though, is do that. Do it at 40.

Yeah. Because when you get surgery at 70, you can't recover. You can handle hip surgery at 40. You start running a low-grade fever. Yeah, for real. My brother's about to get a thing. In your 40s, you're gonna need new hip yeah my buddy because you guys are like statues like stone you're made like you know their hips your hips don't like move yeah it's like touch your toes he's like i can't touch my fucking knees all of

my toes you know you're gonna go titanium yeah yeah but the hip i hear is easy the hip i hear is like like i think it's the hip whatever one of the replaces are now like it might be it might have been me, I forget. Three aunts all get it. They're all pretty. They're walking in two days. Especially if you're in shape, you can get a replacement right now, you'll be fine.

It's when you're out of shape or old. You have to bounce back so much, and you never come back full. My uncle got his knees, two bad knees from college football. They were like, we're going to do one, and then six months later, we'll do the other.

He's like, fuck it, do them at the same time. My mom did that. My mom got both her knees done at the same time. It was a terrible decision. How did she do it now? She just went around? No, not at all.

She's like the one person who didn't bounce back, and they're like, we'll try it again, and da-da-da. So she's in bad shape. What the fuck? Yeah. The Clancy jeans are not

the strongest, I guess. Maybe you shouldn't do this 5K. We'll walk it. We'll have a good time. I'm not fat enough to walk it. I'm in this weird in-between where it's like I'm not skinny enough to walk. He's just having fun.

I got money riding on you, dog. You better get the fuck out of here. I was not going to do it at all, because I'm not going to run, and I don't want to run, and I don't like that stuff, and I'm not good at it. But I didn't think, if there's somebody to walk with, I'll go walk with them. I'll be chilling back there.

You guys haven't, like, signed up for anything, right? I just told Bert I'll do it. No, I have a feeling I'm going to get there, and they're going to be like, you're not on the list. Who are you? We're just going to be walking around. I'm going to have, like, my YouTube page page out and be like, look, it's me. People have bibs and all that shit.

We're going to show up together then. I'm going to stop by DXL. I'm going to get some new gear. I'm going to get a fresh pair of hokas. It sucks. Maybe a headband. Nice pair of sunglasses. We'll stroll it together.

Grab a bite. Head over. Smoke a little bit. Drink a little bit. Have a nice little stroll. A couple of shroomies wouldn't be bad. Yeah. It'd be beautiful out there.

Yeah, apparently they have a pretty big recovery thing afterwards. I don't know if you saw that. They were just talking about it. It's like they have the leg stations where you can put your legs in those things. Oh, I've never done that. Definitely doing that. They have cold plunges. They have a bunch of fucking.

There's a bunch of stuff they have. I'm not doing a cold stuff they have at the field. Don't talk me into it. It's a walkable 5K. I don't think you need a cold plunge. I was going to say a chamber. It's going to be wildly unnecessary, but I'm going to do it.

If your muscles and knees are sore when you get into that, it's unbelievable. I played hockey yesterday or Monday for the first time and like, well, I play hockey probably twice a year, but this is my first time since maybe a year, two years ago and I am sore in places I didn't

even know I had. Like inside my quads back here, I don't know what the fuck it is. I'm in tough shape right now. I got that from sitting in the seats at Fenway Park. Oh my God. I didn't reply to that text. You didn't?

I was a little hurt. Fuck. A little hurt. A little hurt. Honestly, I think I was at the gym and I just saw it and then fucking... I think there's also,

did you initiate the text? I think you texted me. I texted you, yeah. He texted me, I think, and then like mid-conversation just bounced. I'm a really bad text. I sent him a picture from Fenway.

I'm like, oh, we're in your neck of the woods. Bro, I'm so sorry. That was really rude. Do not take offense. I almost canceled disappearance. He literally has to silence his notifications. Yeah, I know.

I'm D&D the whole time. Bro, D&D always, if he has his phone within his reach, it's a miracle. Like, don't. That's just how John does. Do not disturb. It doesn't buzz. It doesn't ring. It does nothing.

You put that on. All the time. I got a real problem when I'm texting with somebody and it says notifications. Me? Yes, that's what I have. Fuck you. You think you're better than me? Yeah.

We're all addicted to this shit. Come on. I'm limiting my screen time. Get the fuck out of here. Fuck you. I very much have tried, and I've been pretty successful for what I used to be. Because I used to be, particularly when Barstool was really young, and I was the kid with our friends, and I was always on my phone.

I was on Twitter. I was always on Twitter. Yeah, well, it's like part of your job. But that was the excuse I always used. Now that I've kind of separated myself from it, I don't think it's as necessary as I had convinced myself it was. So I believe we're corrected with how one of the things I just tried to do, I want to get another phone with no apps on it,

but it's the same number. I've thought about that. But I was just at fucking T-Mobile, and I asked them to do that, and they were baffled. Really? They're like, why would you want to do that? I'm like, can you do it? Is it a possibility because

online it said it was a possibility but they're like oh no we've never even heard i'm like i just want a phone with no apps on it but then i can call and text that i'll like you know but then like one with that is that just get do the opposite you get one that just has the apps you know what i mean keep your phone and then get a new number that the number doesn't matter because you're just going all the apps are oh there you go damn they're gonna miss all the hot guys if i'm on that phone sending a text like to my wife or something before i put which before i put my phone down up this i'm in instagram i'm in twitter and then like i have my account and i have the ru garbage account so i'm like doubling up on just noise that I don't need to hear.

But yeah, I roll over, I gotta text my kid or their mom or something and it's like I do have, I can't just throw my phone. Yeah, of course. You're your father. But even that's an excuse at points. It's like you don't need to be on your phone every fucking second. No, of course. But there was a time, especially, and I still do it somewhat now because I do those One Minuteman

videos where it's like I do need to be plugged in but you reach a point where you're like the world will keep spinning if you don't comment on this one there was a time at bar store I was like I have to comment on every single thing I think we got to where we're at because we all had that mentality but now it's like it's different you don't have to do that you know

we got some voicemails I'll let you guys go we're gonna play some videos from our fans and get you out of here this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. We all carry around different stressors, big and small. Sometimes the smaller ones are more annoying. When we keep them bottled up, it can start to affect us negatively. Therapy is a safe space to get things off your chest

and to figure out how to work through whatever's weighing down. I have said countless times. I've said countless times I've said countless times. I've said countless times. I've said countless times, but it's a great thing to learn coping mechanisms, coping skills, kind of how to see the light at the end of the tunnel, how to learn how to balance plates. Again, that's one I always go to because the therapist always says it. Balancing plates, balancing too many plates, balancing not enough plates. You got to balance plates. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It is entirely online, designed to designed to be convenient flexible and suited to your schedule that is why they offer

free train changing of times or therapists or whatever no charge um all you do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and as i just said you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge get it off your chest with better help visit betterhelp.com slash kfc today to get 10 off your first month that's better help help.com slash kfc okay fc fights the crew i had a question for you what do you do wrong on purpose to come off differently to other people or people around you reason i'm thinking of this now is because i was just in wawa and you know i've had the touch screens for the food i get the same thing every time so i could rifle through that touch screen in 0.2 seconds and get exactly what i want but

on purpose i like look like i've never used a thing before and slowly go through the menus just so everyone around me doesn't think I'm a degenerate and just slam Wawa for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. So I'm going to know what you guys think. What's one thing you guys do wrong on purpose? Wrong on purpose. That's pretty good. I do the dishes bad so my girls didn't ask me to do them. That's a whole different. That's a tactic.

Yeah. You know, that's like, I'm going to look as incompetent as I can so I never have to do this again. That's smart. I don't know, but I feel like I've had that emotion where I'm, like, embarrassed by how quick I'm doing something. Yeah. So you, like, slow it down. You're like, I don't know. I don't know.

I definitely felt that emotion, but I can't place it. Yeah. Yeah, that's fucking brilliant. I wasn't expecting that twist. Who gives a fuck? You're getting a sandwich. Yeah, I understand the emotion. I don't think I'd have it there.

I wouldn't have it there either. I wouldn't have it there, but I get that. Yeah, I definitely get it. Maybe like a check cashing place or something like that. I've never been here before. Those kind of places where you walk, not even the check cashing, but when you walk into a new restaurant or anything like that

that's I'm doing it intentionally the opposite where I act like a champion you act like you know what you're doing I'm like I'll do the barbecue pulled pork

or something like that I'm more often to do that pretend I belong and I know what I'm doing when I don't there's so many places I walk in and immediately know I don't belong

just act and I'm like what am I doing here I'm acting like some guy I many places I walk in and immediately know I don't belong. Just act, and I'm like, what am I doing here? I'm acting like some guy I'm not. Let me ask you this. If you guys go to a restaurant and the server comes up and says, have you guys been here before? Regardless, do you say yes? Yes, absolutely. Cool. Absolutely. Even if you haven't been? Yeah. You are? Yeah. Should I do that?

Why do you do that? Because you gotta go through that whole thing. You gotta treat yourself. Well, we do things a little different here. Just bring the food. Well, are you cooking a little different? I don't need to hear your fucking rundown. Sometimes I've been to places where it is wildly different, where I'm like, I'm glad I knew that.

They're like, oh, it's actually served upside down in your ansel. Oh, thanks for letting me know. Yeah, I love when they're like, you know, medium here is a little bit pink. Yeah, they're all the fucking same. Dude, this actually reminded me. Could you pull up my tweet from last night did you see stew finer last night eating no dude wow i your tweet made so much sense it was i i there was one where like you know sometimes you pull up twitter and you see it and then it disappears yeah and i was halfway done reading

your tweet and i'm like i have to go i then went to your profiles the way it was still that one now watch him eat he eats like a king like it's how I but I also love the I don't know if this makes sense but it does make sense like Frankie it's like a homeless person yeah Christ I saw this the cannoli yeah but it's he just takes a he looks and it's very decadent. It's very regal. It's like pinky out kind of. Slow. He gets a little bit of a smile going, that's good. He gets the chin up, too. It's like, I'm bigger than you. It's always reaching around like, I'll do a little of this.

I'll try a little of that. I'll have a little bit of this. Goddamn gentleman. Yeah, he really is. It's amazing. It's amazing. That's true. That's true.

He pulls the fingers back and puts it in. He's got a napkin. It's unbelievable. What can only be. I've watched this clip of Sue E. Is this new? Yes.

This is last night. There's something else. The ice cream. Remember the ice cream last year? Ice cream, yes. Last year he got caught eating ice cream and he was like,

oh my God. Really thinking about it. He was dialed in on it and everyone else was watching hockey and he was just going. They put out another one of him. It's the full scroll, because I quoted this one, too.

It's just a highlight reel. It's fast-forwarded. It's the whole game. Watch this. It's unbelievable. I mean, he's the best. He is a machine, dude. I love this guy.

It's a minute and a half of him just crushing it's the full game I saw a text from Frankie he said Borelli's opens at 7 for the game and we're going to have this and that served and he's like here's how I'm pre-gaming and he ate like a chicken parm

and a meatball marinara he eats like none other dude and he's what like 5 fucking 4 yeah ball marinara and all this. He eats like none other dude. And he's what, like five fucking four? Yeah, yeah. Puts it away. That's awesome. The energy is crushing it. Again, though, very

regal. It's precise. A lot of it is he's very good at bringing the fork to his mouth. He's over a little bit, but not like a peasant. He's not shuffling it in. Wait.

Watch the very last because it's the full game, so it ends with the Islanders losing, and he puts his head down. So, yeah, they lose. He's going to eat again. Yeah. A little bite. A little bite. Incredible.

Incredible. That's fantastic. That's fantastic that really is all right that is really awesome he's unbelievable all right next one hey gang long time no speak um no hypotheticals or anything this time i just really want to ask a question um why are we not celebrating the best holidays you know christmas sick you know top to bottom no no complaints there then you get to thanksgiving a holiday dedicated to eating what's not to love fourth of july love good old-fashioned american freedom none of those are the best holiday i just found out today is drink bourbon with your dog day. Why am I not getting work off the back?

They've gotten a little crazy. That's jumping the shark. I mean, everything is a day. I always thought that was a joke. I always thought when somebody posted like brother appreciation day. No, that shit's real. They're real somewhere. It's a joke to people with a brain.

I thought it was like a steak and a blowjob day on March 14th. You say steak and blowjob day? That was the one when you're a high schooler and you're like, I don't want to take my girlfriend out for Valentine's Day. And they're like, have you heard of steak and blowjob day? It's next month where they got to do what you want.

It's like, oh, yeah. It's like no one has ever actually done that. And if you have, you are a scumbum man if you have ever taken your girl out for steak and blow job night jesus christ the uh skirt steak well done please the um but me just saying march 14th i think march 17th was maybe i think it's like i just say maybe remember you just got back from Ireland. Yes. Where was your favorite spot? Where'd you guys go? We went to Dublin, Kilkenny, Cork,

and this very small town on the east, far west coast called Clifton. Okay. So a listener of ours' family has a crazy house out there, like an insane, nicest house I've ever been in. Biggest, and it's on the cliffs, and it's like so remote, and you're just out there staring out into the ocean. So you went to a listener's family's house though?

Yeah, they hit us up and they were like, hey, they sent us a house. State hut there? Yeah. It's like a vacation. It's a rental property. And the place was that sick. So the family was not there?

No, no, no. Oh, I thought you were like bunking up with mom and dad. Four shepherd's no, no. Oh, I thought you were like bunking up with mom and dad. That's a little fucking weird, fellas. Four shepherd's pie, please, Mr. O'Malley. Okay, that's a different story. No, so it was crazy. It was fun.

That was like what you picture the clit. It was crazy. That was my favorite. The where'd you go on court? Because I just got back as well. Oh, shit. Feilberg put an old lady out of business.

Took her last fucking sweater. Yeah. Is that right? It was incredibly emotional. That was actually a great great story she was retiring and she was selling him last like she was like this is the last one and like i hit her that like it was it was less than my size the store was around but it was like she's like it was like gotcha the color of the size and she's like it was just like well this is the last one vitalberg took it and kicked it but that was in galway but But when I went to Cork. But Cork's just the county, right?

Is there a city called Cork, too? Yeah, there is a city of Cork. Oh, okay. So I went to Cork County, and we went to Cove and Kinsale, which are my two favorite cities in the world. Oh, shit. Yeah, no. We were there a day.

We went to a hurling match. No, I was trying to get to one, but there wasn't anyone. It's insane. Yeah, that shit was very cool. No, I was trying to get to one, but there wasn't anyone. It's insane. Those lads are out to hurt each other. These guys could be professional in baseball, hockey, football. I always say, we had these arguments. Who's the best athlete? Soccer, football.

It's these weird sports. These guys can do it all. They're throwing this ball up, cranking it while running like a hundred yards. And then the one guy's catching it barehanded in the... It's crazy. They get chippy. They got sticks. It's wild.

It was very tame. It was one of the semifinal matches between, I think, Kilkenny and I forget who else was playing. Cork, maybe? Maybe it was Kilkenny and Cork. Respectable affair? Yeah, it was very nice. There was no booze allowed like in the stands. Yeah, it was super, super

fucking chill. The teams were, the sides were mixed match together. There was no like home and away. Very respectable. They're all amateurs, right? They're all amateurs. They're not allowed to make money. It's all done for pride. No, it's just like that's the way I'm imagining. Each county county has it was explained to us so many times each county has its own team its own gaelic football team and hurling team yeah and they're like stars in their

but it's just for the love of the game but there's people making like it's like it's like how college used to be there's people making millions of dollars that's exactly what i was like And they're not allowed to drink for nine months of the year they're training. Can you bet on them? Can they bet on them? Sure. By the way, did you see? Oh, Dave and Buster's? That's right up your alley.

I still don't understand it. You can gamble on the outcomes of people playing. On the outcomes of people playing, like, arcade games. No shit. Yeah. I'm sure it's going to be like $5 limit or whatever. But it's like, you two are going to go at it. I'll take action on Foley.

That's not bad. Thinking about the future. Sometimes I'm worried when I see stuff like that. I'm like, everything's okay. If things go downhill, I always got Papa Shot in the back pocket. We'll be alright.

The one thing I can say about Ireland is I loved it all. The food was. Oh, yeah, that's not our. It was unbelievable. No, we loved it. We were also so fucking drunk. I said that every meal we had drunk was our. We're like, this is so good.

The only ones that were bad. Sauces rolls in the morning. Dinner, bangers and mash. I think we're just sober. The wings were unbelievable. All the beers in the morning. Bangers and mash. I think we're just sober. The wings were unbelievable. All the beers were top shelf. Every pie. Ice cold.

Did you notice the Guinness different? Yeah, 100%. I didn't really. Really? Yeah. I don't really fuck with it over here, but I liked it over there. I like it in both ways. I think that's placebo.

And I switched pretty quick. No, it's a little cleaner. It is. It's a little cleaner. It's four different. At least unless I'm buying into the hype, which could be short. that's what i think i i had a couple buddies who lived there so like when i was in dublin i went out and met up with them and went to a few of their favorite pours and that while we were doing it they're like it's a little silly because like everyone has a different bar like

sure do you remember where you went i went in dublin i went to gravediggers yeah gravediggers are good that's a good gravediggers are sick yeah That's a good time. Gravediggers are sick. Yeah. I like the cemetery. It's in the cemetery. It's right up there. That's on the outskirts. Yeah. You walk in and the wall is painted with 70s cigarette smoke. Yeah.

Like everything. That dark blue. Yeah. You kick in the saloon style door. Did you eat there? Because the food looked good at the next door. You had to go to the other side. I did not eat there. It looked really good.

Yeah. Gravediggers was sick. Gravediggers. I have to tell you this. Gravediggers, so I'm in the cab on the way to Gravediggers, and I'm just kind of making conversation with the cabbie, and I was with my brother, and he's talking about, he's like, Gravediggers is one of his favorite pours,

and I was like, oh, where else do you like? And he's like, ah, you know, I'm off the drink now. And I said, ah, you know, that's good. Smart, glad to hear that, whatever you wanted to say to someone. And he's like, yeah, you know, I'm off the drink now. And I said, ah, you know, that's good. Smart. Glad to hear that. Whatever you want to say to someone. And he's like, yeah, I used to drink 50 pints a day at Guinness. It's not even the

alcohol consumption. It's just the liquid. I looked at my brother and I was like, he must have said 15. And then the story kept going. And he again said, like, you drink 50 pints a day. And I was like, that's two pints an hour. That's so much. Not waking hours, two pints an hour

of the full day. That makes it seem a little more doable. Are you saying pours? Yeah. What, like bars? No, who pours the best Guinness? Okay. Right. And he liked it. Yeah, knock that off. Yeah. He's going to be saying cheers and mate. Yeah, knock that off. Yeah. He's going to be saying cheers and mate.

Knock that off. I think that's pretty regular, right? Who pours the best beer around here? I don't know. I've never heard that. No? My favorite pour? If I was talking about a bar on the Upper East Side,

that's one of my favorite pours. No fucking way. There it is. I only say in response to the Guinness. Yeah, I think it's Guinness specifically. Like, we went to Gravedigger's because they have the best. They pour the best Guinness. I think that's what he's saying.

Gotcha. Yeah. You weren't referring to the bar as a pour. No, no, no, no, no, no. But that doesn't make sense, too, because they call them pour houses. You're suspect, Fido. I'm paying you right now. It's like somebody who studies abroad and goes back and says,

it's called a pour. It's a fucking pour. You're saying a slight British accent? Dude, I fell in love with a woman the other night who had a slight British accent. Hey, you're speaking my language. Bro. So I was in Chicago like two nights ago. I get a text like 1230 p.m. Fraud alert.

And I had an American Express Express so I call right away and this woman the fucking girl on the phone unbelievable uh bro I thought it was gonna be a real no no it's real I love I love this I'm with you so it's real she loves me dude she calls me and and um I'm talking to her to her I got an American Express solely so I didn't have to deal with shit I do none of the benefits I do none of the points we're a big points family when I call somebody I just want to talk to a person

talk to her right away she has like a part British part like South Asian what? you can just fight for that? I like part British, part like South Asian. What? You can just say that? I wouldn't even know what a South Asian. Like Indian, like Pakistani. Who are you, Jason Bourne?

And what part of Malaysia is your family from? On your mother's side. What? She's like, hello, it's Makeha. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry, could you repeat that? And she's like, you can call me Meg. And I was like, no, no, no, I want to call you Meg. Oh, boy.

Did you have a couple of pores in you at this point? I hate that shit. They shouldn't have to change their fucking name. People who can't pronounce it, just say the fucking name. Meg's a cute name. And she's like, it's Mokeha. And I went, oh, nice to meet you, Mokeha. And she went, I love the way you say that.

And I was like, whoa, we are... All right, come on. That's your Chubbina for a little bit. Break up, Allah. Hang on, I wrote down what this woman said to me because I was like... I was like, she... It went both...

The sparks were going both ways. And then she's like, was this you trying to buy $88 worth of McDonald's? I'm trying to find her right now, bro. We'll put her out there. She goes, hang on, where is this? The... Okay. So when I was like, with the card, she's like.

By the way, this is a crazy move to write down the conversation. You wrote with a notebook, by the way? Yeah, dude. I'm a comedian. That's crazy. What do we got? So, first of all. Just a list of sandwiches you have.

She has a space pen up top, too. This is unbelievable. And she goes, so I guess when American Express, when it gets, what sucks about getting your card stolen is you have to change the numbers and you have to keep changing your card. I went through it in Ireland. It sucks. She's like, your card will still work with the chip. So you can still use that until you get your new number.

And I was like, that's amazing. Thank you so much. She goes, well, John, you deserve it. And then she said, you've been a customer with us for three beautiful years. And then at the end of the call, she said, promise me you'll have sweet dreams. And I said, sweet dreams. Promise. You made me promise.

What did you say back, though, is the question? I said, Mikayla, I promise if you promise me to. Did you get her number somehow? I'm trying to find it out. Yeah, it's 1-800-839-4926. I would just start by a lot of fraudulent charges. What's your ticket number? Give me your card for a weekend.

That's a romantic comedy right there. Yeah, it's a BQ. The fraud charge was from a company called Player First, whatever that was. It was like $1,000, $1,200, something like that, $1,500. And whoever had it. Thank you. But he run that again. I was like $1,000, $1,200, something like that, $1,500. And whoever had it, buddy, run that again. John, let me ask you. Did you buy a double-sided dildo?

Man, I'm telling you right now, that wasn't me. I bought a ticket to wherever you are, is what I'm doing. That's awesome. I love that. That's very cute. Well, I love you guys, and I appreciate you coming. Thank you so much, boys. Go get the tickets to see these boys on stage. The RU Garbage

Empire is fucking unbelievable. It's great to watch you guys thrive. Town Hall Thursday night? Town Hall, May 9th, Thursday, 7pm. Handful of tickets left. Yeah, handful of tickets. We want to sell it out, baby. Go get them. Love you guys. Thank you. Thanks, guys. Thank you. ...... សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.