KFC Radio - Ari Shaffir Has the Richest Comedian Friends (Episode + Interview)

Episode Date: August 22, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 00:24 Feits saw OAR at Red Rocks 05:51 Feits' awkward valet profiling 09:25 What did they use to do for alarm clocks? 13:43 Bathroom talk 23:47 Alex Cooper signed with Sirius XM for $100 Million 36:12 Feits' ad conspiracy theory 38:29 Best Plane Movie? 48:37 Ari Shaffir Interview 51:10 Island theory 56:28 Medical vacation 01:02:30 Kids in the crowd at Kill Tony 01:11:48 Ari's super rich friends 01:35:07 Arenas vs Theatres vs Clubs 01:41:37 Marriage is overrated 01:47:50 Ari is a bad traveller 01:50:23 You Be Trippin +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Cann: Head to https://DrinkCann.com and use code KFC20 for 20% off your order of Cann and a free Roadie 6pk sampler. BlueChew: Use code KFC for your first month free. First month free with code KFC at https://go.bluechew.com/KFC. Check them out. Thank you to BlueChew for sponsoring the pod. HelloFresh: For a limited time, kids eat FREE! Go to https://HelloFresh.com/kfckids to unlock this offer.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I'll be honest, I thought the phone connection was going to be better, so the bit would have been cool, but the phone breaking up, it's just not that funny. Killed the whole vibe, bro. Yeah, I've got a kid here, I'm f***ed. And it's just kind of ruining it. Red Rocks is the coolest place on Earth.

Yeah. It's definitely the coolest place in America. It's... I had so much pressure on myself going into it to just enjoy it, just because, like, people have just said it's amazing. It's amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's so few things that live up to the hype. Right if i don't like if i don't think it's amazing i'm the weird one yeah because everyone just says it's amazing yeah wait did you watch it from like backstage or as no no no like 10th row it was it was a borderline religious experience they're also a great oar is a great band yeah you know but you get like they're a great band because they can also like you can tell they're they're thankful like they're they're not like fuck we're rocks like they're like yeah we can't this is an amazing moment this is happening for us like i think it's funny when like like bill burr did red rocks yeah yeah that to me is a funny thing because you're like sitting in this it's like an amphitheater right kind of yeah and it's beautiful like it's

like god painted it himself right and then bill and it's beautiful like it's like god painted it himself right and then bill burr is like that's abortion cake over here you know it's like totally totally juxtaposition of like the two you know two sides of like human life basically but oar is jam band and like you're a little bit high and you're very grateful and you're in love and it was all that shit there were were so many things. It was delayed by a half hour because of weather. And I think any traveling, any band that's outside

should hire someone to control the weather and get a half hour delay. Because it just galvanizes the crowd. We were all like hiding. Wind was whipping. Everyone had ponchos on. It was like... That's all you could hear was this plastic whipping sounds terrible i would never want to

do this the half hour delay sounds terrible but it just kind of got the crowd like juiced up and like all right we're all in this together let's fucking beat this and then from the jump like it was so like the skies open up it's all clear it's all perfectly clear like yeah this good and then like you have to keep checking throughout the day like i get to keep being like you gotta look behind us because you see up that's where the rocks are yeah yeah yeah it's almost a view for them right yeah exactly right and then i would take like laps every 15 minutes just because the sun would go down more and then like the sunset would change oh and then like as the night goes on the moon starts to come up and the moon's over like mark's head it was just i think that's why it's such a big deal because i think it's a cool venue for the artists yeah they are like usually just looking at the same fucking

thing everywhere they go yeah and now they get to play in front of like this you know landscape you could decidedly tell like they were you know i've seen all they are 20 30 times and and they're always great but But they are... I actually told them last night. I was like, I think I'm officially a groupie now. So whoever needs a hand jibber, let me know.

That's great. It is like in Zach Bryan's Red Rocks album. Like he says, he's like, it's so fucking cold like every five minutes. But it adds so much character to the album.

And you can tell, you can just see everyone's huddled together during it. It adds a cool element. He says it's so fucking cold every five minutes, but it adds so much character to the album. And you can tell. You can just see everyone's huddled together during it. It adds a cool element. There is, yeah. It's like us versus everyone else. It also is crazy. You think there's pressure on you as a fan?

Think about the pressure as the act. And they're like, we're doing Red Rocks, and we have to make sure it's a religious experience for the whole fucking crowd. Do you know how Red Rocks came to be? We were talking about it be we were like talking about it while we were there like how the fuck did this happen it was uh i think 1942 no aliens no it was fdr fdr whenever the great depression was um when you say 1942 yeah that's world war two but you know whatever but the Great Depression was in like 1929.

Was FDR still president? FDR was president for like forever. Yeah. Yeah, because he was the one who pulled us out of the Depression, and then he stayed around for four terms. He was just like, fuck you. I'm not leaving. He basically got the Civil Engineering Corps to build it because he thought the country was too depressed and we needed a big party. So they built it and had like a fucking big-ass party there. Think about how depressed the country is now.

And then imagine it if we were in a period called the Great Depression. Imagine if it wasn't just people being whiny. Imagine if you actually had to sit in line for food. Imagine if you were starving and broke. Imagine the depression then, you fucking pussies. Imagine if every picture was in black and white. That's how bad it was. Like just waiting on line.

I don't wait on line. I can't imagine waiting on line for anything. And they would just wait on line for a piece of bread. Wait for like an hour. And then like here is a piece of bread. Fuck that life. Enjoy the day. Ugh.

Grace. Could you imagine? You know when people say like would you rather be, live your life now or live like Rockefeller back then? It's always now. Yeah. I agree with that. But also, like Rockefeller, I think they said his like, his net worth was almost worth like a trillion dollars back then.

Because he was a billionaire back then. Right. Can you imagine living that life while like the rest of the world is starving to death that's some crazy i don't you know it's not on him to fix it but it's just like oh i'm good i own 80 of oil i don't know about you guys the stock market fucked you guys up i own all of the oil i don't know i'm gonna go live in my mansion and like drive cars see you the fuck later like when you do the math you still could technically like it's on him but like like hook a brother up yeah you know you don't have to but

like break off a hundred million dollars and like people would be doing all right yeah because again things cost like 20 cents you know you had you had 2024 money back in 1924 help him out help him out bro that guy was evil that's that's fucked up shit man uh speaking Speaking of 100 million. Wait, I want to say something that happened. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So after Red Rocks, I drove home, and I was shit-faced. No, I'm kidding. I didn't get a reaction at all. I drove through the mountains hammered.

No, no, I was not drunk at all. I didn't flinch. But the... So I get home. I had driven the car. And I had done the GPS. So my phone was plugged in. I bring the car to the valet.

Get up to my room. Realize I left my phone in the car. And so I was like, fuck. I was so tired. I didn't want to get up. I had like a 730 alarm for my flight. so I was like fuck I was so tired I didn't want to get up but I had like a 730 alarm for my flight and I was like

I have to go get my fucking phone now the hotel is in a in the train station like the lobby is the train station it's like Union Station it's called the Crawford Hotel

and the I go down so it's like it never closes like it's always kind of active downstairs. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Not a lot of people, but there are people in it, and it's not weird.

And so I go down to the front desk, because the valet wasn't there. So I went to the front desk and was like, hey, the valet's not there. I just parked the car out there. Here's my key. He can do what he wants with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I go down. I'm like, did you get my key?

Did you get my key to the valet? I got to get my phone out of it. And he's like, he wants with it yeah so i go down i'm like did you get my key like did you get my key to the valet like i gotta get my phone out of it and he's like i just gave it to the guy um but if you hurry you can probably catch him so i run outside car's still there no valet out there still so i go back in i'm like hey i don't know where he went but i gotta get my phone and he goes he's oh he actually just came in he's just sitting right outside and i'm like okay cool and i walk back outside and probably like a little further than us but there are three guys sitting there all black guys none dressed like a valet and i'm like do i make that i gotta ask one of these random black guys if they're the fucking valet. Are you the car servant? Are you the car servant, sir?

So I paced around the lobby three separate times being like, I don't know what the hell this is going to be. It's like, I need my key. I need that phone because I have to get up for my flight in the morning. There's three guys sitting there minding their business. Oh, man. And I finally said, like, all of them just normal. And I was like, I just went to the one in the middle because he was the most, like, sitting across from the lot. So the big lobby is kind of the train and everything.

And then off the main thing is, like, the like you go into another room and he's kind of sitting the most in line so i could point like yo are you the valet and luckily i nailed it first time it was him and he's like i got you man why couldn't you just be like do you guys know where the valet is sure i could have done that yeah that would have been that would have been great that's what i my exact thought yeah oh it's me that's that's that's that's good uh it was 1 30 in the morning i was so tired and i was just like i need this fucking phone and i have to do like a racial exam before it's so awkward being white so awkward like 1 30 in the morning the train station excuse me sir are you the valet dude's like no i have a train in 20 minutes the fuck were you thinking on that oh no yeah that is terrible i've asked this before but what did people in old times

do for alarm clocks uh wake up call uh what wake up call oh how old time you're talking yeah like 18 okay yeah yeah yeah like a long time ago they i think they legit they i've read this before they first of all they they they created some shit that's like um like a candle that just like when it melts it eventually like you know the wax like drops some um it eventually like the wax like drops some it was like nails like drops like metal or some shit like that but I do think they also I think like town criers were just people who would walk

up and be like wake the fuck up I think they had people who would just be like murder that guy every day that guy's job sucks you want to talk about awkward like it's 7 in the morning I gotta be the guy to yell to wake up the whole town also does how i think it was just sunlight too how you select that guy is like you have a town meaning who gets up the earliest yeah probably who's the who's the biggest loser here yeah yeah you call the shot you control this town's economy now i

also can't imagine wake up in time right yeah i can't imagine there was much sleep going on back then but also i can't imagine they had anything early to wake up for like you Right. Yeah. I can't imagine there was much sleep going on back then. But also I can't imagine they had anything early to wake up for. Like, you don't have like a 6 a.m. flight that you need to catch.

They exclusively needed to wake up early for like, to work during the sunlight. But that's, that's, that's the cocks wakes you up.

Roosters. Yeah, maybe those guys just woke you up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

but then like. Give me your best rooster impression. Nah, you gotta do it. You gotta do it. Do it. me your best rooster impression. You got to do it. You got to do it. Do it. Crow like a rooster.

Cockadoodledoo! See, they don't actually say cockadoodledoodle. You got to do like a... Cockadoodledoodle! They kind of say cockadoodledoodle. They don't have tongues. They don't have tongues? You don't think roosters have tongues?

That was a good one. Your turn. No, I'm completely not going to do it. You have to do your turn i'm not completely not gonna do it you have to do it you do it first you do it first i just did it that's really fucking good this kid can he's peter pan he can grow like a fucking rooster um yeah but like nobody's waking up okay i think they woke up early to like work on the farm though they for sure did yeah like that was no no no i i'm saying that for sure but other than like your standard like like yeah there's nobody that's like defaulting from their standard time. Like, does anyone have to be like, I have to get up at 3 a.m. tomorrow?

Did anybody ever have to get up at 3 a.m.? Yeah, I guess there's, like, people working the night shift of jobs, just like they do now. Yeah. That's a good question, though. Or, like, one-offs. There's no way anybody slept back then. You were laying on, like, a fucking rock mattress. It was hot all the time.

People were probably murdering you. There's animals everywhere. There's dysentery in the streets. were probably murdering you there's animals everywhere there's dysentery in the streets people probably didn't even sleep at all yeah but it's but you don't have blue light you don't have yeah yeah they didn't have ipads so i'm sure they just slept like babies in the middle of like the civil war another thing like i don't understand what people like even like my parents did when they had downtime like when you get out of a shower and you're drying off when you get in the shower what are you doing i'm sitting there on my phone in the shower practically that's crazy

the one time that you should still not be able to but like i don't buy it i don't believe you just sat there and what like dude train rides used to be the worst yeah if you didn't have a paper or a magazine or something you just sat there i can tell you all the ingredients of l'oreal shampoo still yeah you read the bottle or the back of the lysol can call 1-800 like poison control weird shit like that it was the the worst. That's why traffic and shit like that used to suck dick. Because it was like, first of all, you didn't have GPS. You don't know how long this traffic's going to last. It could be 10 minutes.

It could be 10 hours. You don't know what's going on up there. You're maybe listening to the radio or the reports. Like, there's a big accident on the GWB. You're backed up 45 minutes. But most of the time, you're just like, I don't know what's going on here. And then you would just listen to the radio and it would like play like the same five songs and that was it now i get in traffic i'm like i'm gonna be on my phone here or back home

i don't fucking care i would argue now i'm just kind of realizing this now that like it's almost becoming clear how how not engaging my phone is because I've never really, in as long as I can remember, lost feeling in my legs on the toilet. I used to lose feeling in my legs on the toilet every day. Every day. You try to get up and just collapse. Every day I got up with pins and needles because I was too busy reading shampoo or reading like a...

Oh, before your phone. Before my phone. So you just get lost in like the shampoo. I get lost in the shampoo or like my dad had Rolling Stone magazine. So I'd read Rolling Stone or GQ. You read a whole ass article. Now you're looking at like a 15 second video. This is like, you know, this is a 10,000 word piece.

But you can theoretically sit there and scroll as long as well i think people i mean there was an era of smartphones and in the blog era motherfuckers were in the bathroom for hours yeah yeah because it was like you had to read and there was always something new i had a buddy who would always print out simmons page too yes yes print out papers to go to the bathroom at work yeah yeah that's like you're announcing a's crazy. You're going to announce it to the whole office. I'm going to dump. It's so crazy. I'm not going in here for a quick one, boys. It's going to be a while.

Bill Simmons just compared the NBA to the MTV Challenge. I've got to go read this for 30 minutes. You realize this is where we sound old. Talking about printing out entertainment. Print out entertainment? That's insane. We're ancient. What's the least amount of battery that you'll have on your phone before you go to the bathroom?

Like how much would you risk it? Like before you go take a shit. I'm not going with anything less than 5%. Yeah, because if it dies in the middle, you're fucked. You're being left with your own thoughts in the toilet i'm also at the point where i have a about an eight foot charger in every outlet in my house i bought 10 10 bricks and 10 ropes 10 wires and i just have them all over the fucking house uh but yeah i mean yeah being alone with your thoughts used to be a very real thing one thing

that haunts me like so I was I was talking to a guy and I was like I was like oh I'm gonna I'm just gonna like I was gonna meet him I was like I'm gonna go shower and shit before but I was like saying like shower and like shower and do stuff oh I thought you meant you said like a guy like the guys go like shit shower no no i was like i was like i was about to be like you're off the shelf no oh my god that's exactly so this is exactly the issue that i ran into i was like i'm just gonna shower and shit and then i and then like four days on and i was like does he think that i meant because i just said so then i would like try to overcompensate and be like yeah like just

shower and then i really quickly got ready and then like i did things there was nothing else that i did like but it still haunts me to this day like does he think that that's what i'm i literally just went like a casual like shower and shit you're gonna start adding n shit to everything then i literally did that like shit i'm gonna going to go like do this. Like there's a big difference between shower, a pottery and shit. You actually said that recently. What? I don't know.

The last time maybe we were on the road or maybe I forget where we were, but you didn't like in the KFC radio group chat, you were like, all right, I'm just going to shower and shit. And I had the exact, I was like, I was like,

I actually specifically remember that because I had ptsd being like i know what he means but i don't know if these are the motherfuckers i was like all right yeah wow yeah definitely didn't mean that because i was like i did not say that but i would say yeah and get ready you know i gotta shower and shit like that wow that's it i was just about to say you can't ever say that and here i am myself doing it yeah i forgot i i it's very like common thing i used to that used to bug me out when like even when guys would do it they'd be like you know shit show or shave i was like all right like i don't know let's fuck it five six twenty four you said it wow wow this guy has the date i was about to say no i didn't i'm happy i didn't

say that wherever we were i can't believe i still remember. May is a long time ago. I thought it was like last month. Would you just search and shit? Yeah, I just searched shower and shit. Was it in Austin? Yeah, I was going to say it must have been on the road because I was telling you guys where I was. May 6th, wherever we were May 6th. I feel like I remember where I was.

Oh, no, we were in LA. Jesus Christ. Would anyone like to go to Erewhon in the little? I said, what's the little? I'm down like an hour. Kevin said, yes, I got a shower and shit what time are people thinking that's funny thought of everyone like on their phones it's funny because we went to air one without you i've never been that guy though i i never i was in and out i think it's weird to just sit

on the toilet like all gross and shit i saw a map the other day of all the countries that use bidets it's a staggeringly low amount of countries. Really? Yes. Is it just like the EU? I think you can pull this up. Also countries you wouldn't think. It's a lot of the countries that we probably look down upon. It's like, oh yeah? Just do a map of countries that use bidet.

You guys are going to watch me type bidet. Oh yes! Let's go! Come on. Come on. There's so much pressure. Watch me type a day. Oh, yes. Let's go. Can you? Come on. Come on. Screen record pass. So much pressure. Wait. Yeah.

Film him. Just use your phone. Use your phone. Somebody just film. This is pressure pack. This is also making me think he's not going to be that bad. No. It's bad.

It's bad? Okay. There's not even one clue. I know we have B, and that's it. B-O-U-D. It worked. Listen, it got the job done. It got the job done.

Once you hit B, it was the very first auto-fill. I was purposely not looking. I was like, oh, no, it's right there. B-O-U-D. Oh, she's got a bounty. Bro, look at this, though. It's like a lot of the Middle East and shit like that. Yeah, I mean, not the Middle East, but like. Yeah, it's like the EU, Brazil.

India? Is that India? Where's India? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like the EU, Brazil. India? Is that India? Where's India? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that big boy. Yeah, yeah. I thought they were the opposite. I mean, that's like not a lot of countries.

Actually, no, because it's all fucking countries that have been colonized. Right? So it's just all England? It's Brazil and all where the fucking Europeans fled. And then India. I think it's a European thing. And then Japan, right? That's Japan.

Yeah. You know how you're not supposed to drink the water when you travel? Are you drinking on a bidet? Yeah, yeah. Dude, I don't need to drink the water. Does it go up your ass? Does it get you sick? Is that what you're saying?

I imagine it can't be good for you. Jackie's in Mexico. It can't go up your ass. Does this get you sick? Is that what you're saying? I imagine it can't be good for you. Jackie's in Mexico. Hey, Mal, go up your ass. I got Montezuma's Revenge. It's like, oh, did you drink? No, I didn't drink. I think maybe just a drip got in my ass in the shower. Bro, I don't even drink water when I leave New York.

Really? If you go down south, there are waters. You go to Florida, that water is weird. It's got all the minerals in it and shit. I think I drink water everywhere. Really? Yeah. Well, yeah, I'm sick all the time.

Yeah, I was going to say, the most food-poisoned man in the world. It strikes again. Yeah, I guess you're right. That's all just kind of uh but like i think it's one of the weirdest things in the world that we still just wipe with paper that seems extremely archaic for this era right like everything else is like ionized and you 100% clean and fucking blah, blah, blah. It's like, yeah, just wipe it with some paper. The messiest thing we do, we just smush it around and walk away. It's disgusting.

The American asshole is like a vagina. It cleans itself. These are the kinds of conversations that, like, I didn't want to get stuck in. Yep, well, you're back. Here you are. You're stuck i think i think every toilet i think it should be like a thing that like showers your ass i think it should be something

like the the toilet like seat like seals around you and it's like a car wash that's what we should be doing in 2024 and instead at the most you might get a water fountain i have thought like if i were to do like pr for the like tushy or like the things it's like just spread like have somebody go and call her daddy and be like that girl was nasty yeah and then it spreads and then everyone will have. There you go. Nice clean butthole. Call her daddy. I think call her daddy. I think Alex Cooper.

Wow, what a transition. I was going to wait until we got through this. And I was going to go, that was some of the most massive podcasts I've ever heard. She knew the topic. We almost broached earlier. There is no way she did that on purpose. If she did, it would have been great. I'm honestly giving you credit for that. I way she did that on purpose if she did it would have been great i'm honestly giving you credit for that i think you did that subconsciously subconsciously i think you're like we we touched on this earlier i'm gonna i'm gonna bring it back around and get

the fuck out of this toilet talk that was actually scary manipulative now I'm scared of you I don't know my own strength I think we're going to do a toilet talk segment every episode called TT with Jack what's the TT girl I think Alex Cooper will be a billionaire will be a billionaire

I think it's just a matter of when not even if I'm thinking about when to put the date on Alex Cooper becoming a billionaire, not just will she do it. Five years. Yeah, I was going to say before the end of the decade. Yeah.

What year is it? It's 2024. Four? But I also could see a world when she just rides off. I knew it made it to 10. When are you talking? Like four and six. I knew it was one of those. I know what year it is. I know what year it to 10. When are you talking? Like four and six.

I knew it was one of those. I know what year it is. I know what year it is. Okay. Although last night. It made it to 10. What the fuck does that mean? I got home.

I'd been away for a few days, obviously. And I opened my mail and I had a check from my mom for $360. And I was sitting there and I was like, why the fuck did you give me this money it's your birthday and i called her and i was like what is this check for so it's your birthday check i'm like okay but like why is it for 306 dollars she's like you turned 36 i was like all right that checks out like i could i could not for the life of me figure i was just staring at like sitting in my kitchen like why the fuck do i have this check oh i thought it was, a dollar for every day of the year, except minus, like, five. No, but it's not a regular thing she does.

Like, I didn't get $350 last year. Like, I don't know. She just, for some reason. Oh, that's weird. I thought it was, like, a ritual you guys do. But, yeah, I think Alex Cooper, I mean, she's 29, just signed what's believed to be a $100 million deal. She signed a $60 million deal at like 24, 25. So, you know, she's just going to run these like three, four-year deals,

maybe like five-year deals. Let's say this is even a 10-year deal. No chance. No, but let's just say, you know, something crazy. She'd be signing another one still in her 30s. And there's so much time to go when you're in the entertainment world yeah it's not like she's gonna it's not like an athlete who stops you know first of all technically she's almost 30 because as we know she's a leo podcaster

so her birthday is obviously coming up that's right it's a callback but it could have called back from the pro what could have happened but i guess if you know that she's 29 right now then it hasn't happened yet why and i've heard that her Hamptons birthday party is coming up. Okay. There it is. There's no doubt in my mind. Jackie stalks Alex Cooper. You are now.

Because it was a whole controversy because she, because you were people released, um, like all the brands that she asked to somebody on our team released all the brands that she asked to like fund her birthday party. And then people were like, why are you doing that? Like you're rich. Yeah, I can never do that.

I think that is a little weird. Yeah. But that's just like what influenced me. You have $100 million. Just pay for your own fucking birthday party. Yeah, that's nuts. But I think that's how the rich stay rich. Like I think that's what they do.

I think if you have a birthday party every year and you have $100 million, you can stay rich for a long fucking time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, for real. I don't like that. Even I'm doing the house and brands are reaching out and stuff and it's like I don't like to do this.

Yeah. When it comes time to do the conversation, they're like happy to do it. But I'm like especially it's like I see you guys do work. You know, it's like I see you guys do work. It's like, I hope these guys are getting paid. You know what I mean? And that's for, I mean, a birthday party is like you could just do that yourself. Just tell me what it costs.

I will pay you that money, and we will be done with this transaction. I don't want to have to hear about if you got enough signups and shit like that. Well, the other thing, though, is I think you also reach a point where, like, we worry about sign-ups. They don't worry about that. Yeah, yeah. Like, they're on the other end where brands are like, we would love to sponsor your birthday party. Right, right. So you're actually helping them.

Yeah. And you get it for free. It's like everybody wins. You're doing, like, the whatever, the fashion world or the makeup world a favor by allowing them. It's not the same for us. So I do get the difference in that. But I also, I don't know why. I guess maybe because maybe it's just the way she does it is, I don't know if it's, like, disarming or charming or whatever. But, like, the fact that she can talk about the things she talks about and talked about more because she kind of like softened a little bit and then go do the Olympics and then do, you know, the Hollywood reporter called her what?

The Gen Z's Barbara Walters. Gen Z's Barbara Walters. It's just like everyone else is like, you know, oh, like you can't. That person is like, you know, you know, radioactive. They're third rail. You can't touch them. They live in like a crazy world. They, you know, radioactive. They're third rail. You can't touch them. They live in like a crazy world. They,

you know, we can't have them to do this. And it's like, Alex can just, I said that. You can go back and forth between those two worlds. You are the most powerful person there is.

You, I don't think you were here that day, but I was talking about, it was right after the Olympics, right after the Olympics started. And I was like, two of the three biggest faces at the,

people like always whine about, you can't say anything these days and you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't about you can't say anything these days and you can't cancel culture and like it's alex cooper and snoop dogg show right alex cooper used to talk about getting fucked to the ass and like a jalapeno seed getting stuck in the guy's dick yep and and snoop dogg was on trial for murder they're both the two faces of this broadcast yeah i mean like they're that's why at the end of the day it's it's always just like talent charisma whatever you want to call it and like not not letting that shit like affect you because i don't i'm sure alex cooper could have made like a a big deal out of this birthday thing or whatever and had bad press i think she just doesn't fucking care yeah and when you actually don't care it just never becomes a big deal but there is something

it's it's weird that like she can kind of just like code switch between like that shit yeah and when you actually don't care it just never becomes a big deal but there is something it's it's weird that like she can kind of just like code switch between like that shit yeah and like i'll cover the olympics it's amazing for her it's great i i don't think many other people get that to like she's like a day walker you know what i mean she can like walk in both worlds but i can't believe it's serious that to me i was i was i had to explain to them what serious xm is yeah it's like it's a radio station that you pay for uh they must have like some podcast platform launching or something i'm sure they have an app like anybody else but i don't know i mean i still think that is a heavily like car radio type of company what i would do is like launch all that with her i would be like you you're taking us into the new era right where we are a fully digital like platform now but you know perhaps

was like i don't know how to sign up for this i don't know where to go you know i was trying again and i was explaining like howard stern and the days of fucking remember when serious none of you guys were here obviously steve was, but you guys weren't here. Oh, I meant the creation of SiriusXM. Oh, yeah, yeah. But yeah. I mean, Steve was a huge part of it. Steve is basically, he should have been on the payroll of SiriusXM. I still use it to this day.

Yeah, so wait. You're actually an interesting case. How the fuck were you on SiriusXM? So we have it in all the cars, obviously. Then you would use it on the web app, stuff like that. So you paid for it? Yeah, and I still do because Bruce has a channel so I listen to that all the time.

It's still, and this is why I guess the deal makes sense and doesn't make sense all at the same time. It's great for old white guys. Yeah, yeah. It's like Howard Stern, Bruce Springsteen, the 60s on 60s, all that shit. And then now you have Alex Cooper and the Daddy Gang. Like, I mean, these girls are going to be like, what the fuck is SiriusXM?

Wait, so how much does it cost? That's a good question. I'm on my parents' bill for that. I feel like it's like at least $10 a month, right? But I think you can always haggle them down. Like, if you call a cancel, they'll be like, we'll give it to you for like $2 a month. Like, they want to do anything so that you don't cancel. I think it's a big, that's a big, we'll give it to you for like two bucks a month yeah like they want to do anything so you don't cancel i think it's a big that's a big uh we'll

give it to you for like 90 off just keep giving us like something but you have to like fight the fight but i do let's let's look it up i'm sure you can find it i bet you it's like i bet you there's different packages but i bet you there's one for like 15 bucks uh news sports and talk is 16 a month that's a lot platinum family plan is 27 so the lowest is 16 yeah and then the uh music and entertainment family friendly is 21 i mean that's a lot there's like more plans like get 12 months for five dollars a month yeah there's there's shit like that yeah where you can probably if you if you want to haggle and and find deals and codes and shit you probably can get it cheaper but like 16 bucks a month is not jeep so i we'll see. I mean, the Daddy Gang would probably pay that.

I think the bigger problem is, like, they'll pay the money. I think Daddy Gang will do anything. It's just, like, finding it and knowing how to access it and listen to it and shit like that. You know what's funny, though? I don't know if you guys deal with this, but, like, just growing up, I've always been, like, on my parents' family, like, Netflix, whatever. So, then, now that I'm an adult, it doesn't occur to me that like i can get my own subscription so like the whole time i was like like with the olympics i was like do we have a peacock account and i was like fuck i guess i can't watch the olympics and then it looks up

it's like seven dollars a month and i was like i guess technically i could pay for that myself but that feels like really like permanent and like i'm an adult and like i'm on my own so i wonder if see that's like that's the the issue it's not like your generation just like when you're younger and i actually think i was pretty good at it but you the things you like that's why i'm mad at you you still haven't seen long legs yeah you have to see the things you like because you have to support it so they can keep making if you like the oldest shit he's ever said it's the truest shit he's ever said but it's like support the arts yeah so are you mad that everything's fucking tiktok and shit because

you didn't go see long legs you gotta see the things you like because then you're like oh then then they make money and the people go oh we gotta keep making these things yeah so if you want to watch something you gotta pay for it and like when you're when you're when you're like i did pay for it does anybody does anybody have an illegal stream that I can watch the fight? It's like, just pay for the fucking fight, man. Just buy. That's one thing where I don't feel bad one way or the other. I'm just not cheap about it.

But I don't feel bad about the fight game is the dirtiest, most corrupt, and profitable game in the world for the powers that be. So I'm like, whatever. I don't care if you steal from them. I mean, this actually, if we talk about recently like all the things millennials killed i i think millennials can't take blame credit for like killing good entertainment because it was i because i i've been a buyer for a while like a long time i think basically like if i wanted something and i wanted to watch that i'd pay for it it. And I was ridiculed on Twitter. Like, you don't use fucking, what's it called? BitTorrents.

BitTorrents and shit like that. I was like, no, I just buy it on demand. And they're like, you're an idiot. You're losing $4. I'm like, I'm happy to lose the $4. I buy shitty movies for rent for like $25. Every single night. Yeah, like if there's a new movie out,

it's like it's only available for $25 right now. I'm like, and then I fall asleep and I don't watch it and I'll rent it again. And it's easier to say now like we're older and stuff but like when i was in college i would buy movies on demand if i wanted to watch the movie because that's what you have to do so they keep making those movies um yeah but like on my parents account but now i have to memo them like if i know you don't it's okay no no i actually do you do that like once i did that yeah we've actually crossed like ships in the night where i pay for all my parents shit now just just i mean like they don't need me to pay for it but just it's all my prime

it's all my stuff like logged in at their house yeah and i'm like i don't even think i tell them like i just get an email like, you bought blank. And I'll call them the next day and be like, how was whatever? Like, how'd you know we watched that? You should get your favorite

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Check them out. Thank you to Blue Chew for sponsoring the pod. I have a conspiracy theory for you. Whoa! You never have conspiracy theories. It have a conspiracy theory for you. Whoa! You never have conspiracy theories. It's not a very good one. And I think it's not very good because I think it's so obvious. On Twitter, they made the ads more sensitive.

The ads more sensitive. What does that mean? So when you're scrolling. Oh, yes. It'll click. It'll like it, bookmark it, follow it. It'll open it. Like when I'm just like every day, at least twice a day when I'm just scrolling Twitter

and just like moving my thumb like that. If it lands on an ad, that ad will open. Nothing has ever been more clear that Elon Musk like really was the supervillain who just like bought a platform to then use it for his political. I believe today. Yeah. That is like very, very obvious what he was doing. villain who just like bought a platform to then use it for his political i believe today yeah that that is like very very obvious what he was doing today was um i think it's announced see if you

i at least saw a tweet see if you see how right it is the it's officially the worst investment for a bank since um oh wait wait meaning like the bet what do you mean like the loan they gave him for twitter is like officially the worst wow i mean it was 40 what 44 million 43 billion billion yeah billion a billion yeah that's crazy 13 billion that he borrowed but he borrowed yeah yeah yeah so i think he financed some of it himself and then i mean it's just it never was going to be worth it but oh so we officially bought it out okay that's why that's why it was i was trying to think like have any so they just cut it they were just like this is fucking i i don't i i obviously don't understand like the financial world worst buyout for banks

since the financial crash that is not great. Just go back to making spaceships. That's what you know how to do. Are there any trolls that are CEOs? Is Elon Musk considered a troll? I was going to say he's definitely one. I bet you all those CEOs have burner accounts and shit. I don't know if

a Twitter troll would have the qualities to be a successful human well we're seeing it play out in real time jackie prove positive right i guess the story's not finished just yet but we are seeing it play out um what is the best plane movie well it depends i think people have different definitions of plane movies i feel like like movie to watch on a plane i know that oh but i'm saying like i'm saying i think snakes on a plane i guess i think some people like i think of a good plane movie is like i wouldn't go see it in theaters. I'm not super excited to see it, but it's on right now, and I'm just going to... You know what I mean?

Yeah. It's kind of like, to me, it's like the last version of scrolling through the channels. Yeah. You know what I mean? Which, I mean, this fits in that as well a bit. Which is? Because I definitively decided. I watched it on the plane yesterday for the 20th time well a bit. What's yours? Because I definitively decided. I watched it on the plane yesterday for the 20th time on a plane.

It's Mamma Mia. Mamma Mia? Oh, my God. I think the Mamma Mia is the best movie in general. That's why it's kind of a cheat. One and two. But if you, one and two, for sure. In fact, two, I wanted to watch two on a plane yesterday, but two wasn't available.

So I had to watch one. Two sneaks up there. But when you're... This is the gayest thing I've ever seen. Dude, so it's so perfect. First of all, it's just a monster cast. Second

of all, it's just like, it's fun. It's a crazy-ass movie by the way. You know what it's about? You know what it's about? It's about some whore getting pregnant and not knowing who the father is. Is that really what it's about? No, I thought it was about a wedding. Well, I mean, that's not what the it's about? You know what it's about? It's about some whore getting pregnant and not knowing who the father is. Is that really what it's about? No. I thought it was about a wedding.

Well, I mean, that's not what the movie's about. You're thinking of my big fat Greek wedding. The movie, yeah, it's a girl trying to find her dad. But yeah, it is. She knows it could be. She finds her mom's diary and she knows it could be one of three guys. So she invites all three guys to her wedding. Oh, I thought it was that it was a woman who didn't know who the dad was. It's the daughter who doesn't know who her dad is.. Oh, I thought it was a woman who didn't know who the dad was.

It's the daughter who doesn't know who her dad is. Yeah. I thought it was a pregnant woman who didn't know who the dad was. No, no, no. Well, the mom doesn't know either. She doesn't know. Yeah, she's not pregnant. She is a whore.

But she's not the whore in the... It's Amanda Seyfried. Seyfried is the daughter. And then Meryl Streep's the mom. And Amanda Seyfried's getting married. And she invites the three guys who her mom hooked up with. Wait, this was a Broadway show first? No.

I don't know. Actually, I don't know. Mamma Mia, like Mamma Mia 1. I would guess yes, actually. It is a musical, though, right? It is a musical, yes. But the movie is, like, relatively modern. Yes.

Because you're talking about 1 and 2. 1 and 2 are both, like like both made in the last 20 years right but then I think the musical's that old is it like Abba does the music right Abba does all the music

yeah is it like La La Land musical where it's like not really musical no well I mean like La La Land has what five musical breaks yeah

shit stinks Paps this I would say is probably no no no I can see myself hating Mama Mii I can see myself hating Mama Mia. I can see you hating Mama Mia. I can see you probably hating her. La La Land's a top five movie for me, though.

Yeah, but La La Land's a good picture. And Mama Mia is, too, but Mama Mia's just fun. But La La Land's also gut-wrenching. Mama Mia's fun. And that's why it's perfect for a plane trip, because either you're going somewhere, gets you excited, you're coming back from somewhere, it's perfect for a plane trip because either you're going somewhere, gets you excited. You're coming back from somewhere, it's a nice come down.

It's just a couple of old birds talking about being reckless sluts. That's a quote from the movie. It's just like, it's a fun time. I would argue that when I'm on a plane, I associate stuff with planes. If I listen to a song on a plane, then I associate that with planes. If I listen to a song on a plane, then I associate that with the plane.

And then I feel gross and nauseous and whatever. So I don't like to watch anything that I think I'm going to like on the plane. So you just watch intentionally bad stuff? Yeah. Interesting. Because you associate it with the plane? I don't let myself listen to music that I like on a plane.

What? Really? I exclusively listen to sad music. What the fuck does does that mean and why would you do that you people are crazy dude ferris um who wants to be like i'm getting all emotional and shit on a plane dude oh come on it's the best it's actually it's actually i actually agree with that yeah ferris hollywood is not america is the ultimate plane song what is hollywood is not america what are these things you're talking about mama mia and ferris dude if you put on it's f-e-r-a-s hollywood is not america you put that on you look out the window while you're

taking off yeah well that's what i mean like that's why i think people do listen to music that like yeah like you said you're either going somewhere or and you're gassed up for it. You're coming back with the memories and you, you know, you think you're in a movie. But this one over here is just intentionally put. So you put on bad music. You just don't listen to music because intentionally putting on music you don't like is fucking nuts. I only listen to music. But if it's like my top 30 favorites. I can't listen.

Because I've done that before. How do you? I'll listen to music. Who makes the cut? Are you like, ah, this one's 27? Yeah, well, I'd be like, I like this one. Skip. That is so whacked in the head.

No, it's a good system. Yo, you know what I watched? Sidney Sweeney's horror movie, Immaculate. I haven't heard of it. I wanted to see that. Is it good? It's a good horror movie. It's a good horror movie. It triggered me because there's a person who gets buried alive, and I

was freaking out when I was watching that part. Super claustrophobic. But it is a... I mean, it's a horror movie. You have to judge by horror movie standards. So it's a different type of acting. It's a different type of movie. But by those standards, I think she did an awesome job. so it's a different type of acting it's a different type of movie but by those standards i think she did a awesome job and it's super creepy and they show a lot of shit like a lot of gory stuff that like gory stuff and just like fucked up stuff that like

every other movie cuts away from or just insinuates they just fucking show it and it's a pretty good horror movie i'll check it out if you like horror movies it's it's definitely i mean it's all nuns nuns freak me out i got a weird thing with nuns and old ladies and there's a lot of nuns and old ladies and there's this weird like religious shit going on and and it's the devil and all this shit so it was like creepy and gory and like there were there were there were many moments where I was like yelling at the screen like oh oh oh oh my god oh whoa

they're going there they're doing it it was like three or four times I did that that sounds like one I'm not going to watch yeah you probably wouldn't like it I would not watch it on a plane I would watch that try to scare yourself you know what's so funny Yeah, I would not watch it on a plane. I would watch that.

You know, try to scare yourself. You know what's so funny? I was watching it the other night when it was raining again. And so anytime there's – I mean we've had these monster thunderstorms, you know. And me and Pavs are working on this home renovation thing and this haunted house series. So anytime that's happening, I go try to get different footage and ordinarily like i just watched that movie my house was pitch black everything's under construction creaking like you know whatever yeah like the plastic drapes hanging yes all that shit but i'm such a like sick fuck for content i was just walking around like whenever whatever getting this angle getting

that like i didn't even think once about being afraid it's like if i'm ever if i you know whenever my ghosts come back i'm just gonna be like i'm gonna start doing content with you and then apparently i i don't get afraid of mtv's fear yeah like like i was walking out by the fucking step by the way we have now had like full-blown hurricanes that statue still fucking straight arrow general just has a couple rocks that's like holding it down everything else trees are down branches are down like roads are wrecked concrete's breaking that statue perfectly standing i'm not touching that statue i am not touching it the there was two schools of thought either get rid of it or leave it and i said i am not touching that thing that keeps you know the demons in the hole the minute i open that up the whole thing whole thing is fucked

freak your kids out i also found you know what i found like two feet from my front door dead rabbit no did you know that already did i tell you that i just guessed no you know that already? Did I tell you that? No, I just guessed. No, you knew that. I just guessed. Did you tell her? She said deer bones. I did not tell you that. I found a deer vertebrae. Deer neck bones.

How did you know that? Did I tell you? No, you said it in the ad read yesterday. That's right. Fuck. Fuck. That really, you shouldn't have said that. You should have just gone with it because I definitely forgot about it.

Between that and the fucking Alice Cooper thing, I was like, all right, Jackie's one of those ones. Dude, this dried out white vertebrae of, I think it's a deer, but of some animal. What's that about? Come on in, you son of a bitch. Look at this guy. What is going on here? You're going to Yankee Stadium after this? Are you really?

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slash kfc kids if you're a parent i imagine this is a humongous uh issue for you free kids meals is unreal it's hellofresh.com slash kfc kids who knows maybe you have Free kids meals is unreal. It's HelloFresh.com slash KFC Kids. Who knows? Maybe you can have the kids cook it with you. Teach them about the importance of making your dinner. Is this an intern? It's 15-year-old Steve. So 15-year-old Steve.

You look like a pedophile. Really get in there for a nice pedophile hunt. Jesus Christ, Ari. It's a catch one. God damn, dude. Steve called into our radio show when he was 15. Yeah. Like every day for how many years?

Four years. Four years. And then, you know, came back around as he's graduating to be like, can I work with you? And you didn't age during that time? Yeah, he still got the same look. Jackie, what are you up to? Jackie is now officially the third chair on the show. No way.

You bumped her back out so she's really she's out for the interview so Ari's on his creepy shit today talking about pedophiles and asking girls to sit on his lap

Ari also said that Steve is great for a pedophile and is asking Ari is asking Jackie to come sit on his lap like this. Keeps doing that.

I heard there's a third chair. We don't have a third chair. We do have one right here. Jackie, what's up? You can't fuck up a recording from here. I would not. That is true. I would not let Jackie sit next to you.

Why? I've known you for... How long have I known you for? It is insane that any women let you near them. Agreed. Like what? Agreed. Like what?

This lady's about to get here. I'd be so happy to see when this lady gets here. I got in the wrong Uber. So she got in his and he got in hers. And she's still in his. And then she's just been going. No way. The wrong way. It said 1220 drop off. It's 1228 now. And she's about to find out. Like, what the fuck?

I realized pretty early on at first wrong turn, I was like, this ain't the way. But it was faster. 14th was faster than the fucking highway. Wait, so there's a woman just in her Uber? Orlando's about to get fucked. Enrique thought he had a great fucking ride,

just somebody got out early, but Orlando was about to hear it. Am I at Barstool Sports? This is my worst fucking nightmare. Yeah, I do want to know where she was really headed. Yeah. What is this shirt you got here? Oh, it's Adrian's merch.

I met the Clintons and lived to talk about it that's hilarious that's a real photo that's very funny that's a real photo I'm sure those are flying off the shelves how you been bro

no but wait back to why women have sex with you oh yeah I don't know I just can't envision a world like I know that funny is kind of the ultimate

thing with chicks Jackie how many days on the island I saw this clip? How many days? Also, your three years thing, that's retarded. After four months on an island, anyone will do.

But with the guy from 50 Day Fiance? You would be like, I fucking hate this guy, but I need it. I actually fall in love so easily. Also would be like, I fucking hate this guy, but I need it. I actually fall in love so easily. Also, you know what I did? Oh, that? Yeah, that guy. He's bad. Oh, I didn't realize. Yeah.

Oh, I didn't realize. That's the guy. Big Ed is his name. I thought you were like, you're in his league. I also, I think, I have a theory. I have a theory that half the reason you won't fuck Big Ed is because he looks like that. The other half is because of what other people will think.

And that other half is gone. It's gone. You're on an island. You can just do that. And you can just do your dirt. It's kind of like when you stop seeing anybody and you don't even nobody knows about it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No one knows. That guy. I bet he has a girthy dick. Yeah. A short and girthy dick for you, and nobody else knows. I was going to say exactly. I'd fuck him day one.

Day one? I got to see this guy's dick. Just like that? I got to see. That dick is the same as that neck. Look at that orange shirt. That one is unbelievable. That's his cool phase.

And, dude, if you've ever watched the show, he marries this, like, beautiful, like, Argentinian woman. What? Who is just so very obviously using him for citizenship. Yeah, sure. And she's, like, saying it to his face. She's like, I will not fuck you. Like, this is gross. Yeah. She's like, I just need, I just need, or maybe, yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah, and she's just i just need i just need or maybe yeah yeah that's

it yeah and she's just like get away from me you're gross i need citizenship i'm saying after three months of whatever you start to forget how ugly he is maybe he loses a little bit of weight he'll definitely lose a little bit down what if he gets fatter and you're like what are you hoarding what if he pulled a hurley and was like, have you been getting food? What if you pulled a Hurley? Topical references from Ari Shaffir. Dude, I'm watching Sex and the City again. Not again. For the first time.

First of all, Jackie, I know you're going to be upset about this. It's the most retarded show in history. It's so fucking dumb. It's so stupid. It's so dumb on so many levels. It was like Entourage. It's the same thing. It's dumb and it's entertaining. I saw's so dumb on so many levels it was like Entourage it's the same thing it's dumb

and it's entertaining I saw a clip the other day and it was one of those like Twitter things where it's like you're not gonna believe where this ends kind of deal

and it's what's Samantha what's her name I don't know fucking horse face whoever the main oh yeah Carrie

and she's walking down the street and she's doing like the dubbed or narrated and it's like and I started to think to myself maybe married couples and single maybe married people and single people walking down the street and she's doing like the the uh dubbed or narrated and it's like and i started to think to myself maybe married couples and single maybe married people and single people

are a lot like like northern ireland during the civil war and i was like what is it real yeah there's some real problems with that show she's a sex columnist and somebody's like i want you to she's like i don't this is fucking nuts uh interracial couples like what the fuck and you're like was this in the 40s couples all the things are so regressive especially for someone who's supposed to be that far uh overboard over like yeah yeah like sex positive yeah sex positive yeah she was she was the caller daddy of her day and you know what it was though it was the first show on TV to show a cum shot. Oh, wow.

I didn't get to that part. Really? I think it was a happy ending, and you just see a... Oh, wow. Also, Big is always like, he comes in, he's like, you're not ready yet? Come on, we have to go. And then he starts lighting up a cigar. An hour and a half long smoke. Like, come on, let's get a move on.

And it's like, what a fucking acting tool. The fun thing is, though... Is this the peeing, I'm assuming? The guy standing over no no she is somebody asked a congressman asked her to pee on him and she was like i can't do it that pee on him is even easier yeah in the shower but in the shower but it's fun a million people all i do in the shower is exactly it's fun to quote exact episodes to women and they're like oh yeah what it was like this is like season two episode seven when uh carrie are you watching this by yourself or with a woman no by myself you're it's so fucking dumb you are so sick dude yeah rather than just watch something you want to watch you're watching this out of spite hate watch bro i have a whole algorithm why i have

a netflix account says hate watching for like really shitty specials i don't want to fuck up my algorithm smart yeah so it's. I don't suggest me anything. That's great. I thought about that with all of the platforms. I watch a lot of shit out of Morbid Curiosity or just like, what is this? And then it thinks I like that. Don't think I like this.

You should be able to guffaw out loud. And it should read like, okay, you're not into this. You do that. To be fair, it does have like, you're not in here you do that well to be fair it does have like you can rate it i know but yeah when is who's ever clicked that or like or like um the big thing they say now in netflix is like you need to set the reminder that's how they like judge yeah set the reminder make sure you know you set the reminder for my for my special like suck my i've only ever done that for tires. Set the reminder.

And you're doing it, like, to do it, right? Not like you're actually doing it. Yeah, I didn't need a reminder. I just do it because I know it helps. That's what they tell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love people like, there's this new show you should watch. Oh, what's it on?

You're like, just fucking say this show title into the button and it'll come up. It's all just becoming one fucking thing anyway. Dude, if we had an ounce of foresight and we took... I got an ounce of foresight. Yeah. And we. I got an ounce of foreskin.

No, you don't. Yeah, I keep it in my dresser. It was an exceptionally large one. The Moyle thought I wouldn't want to keep it for when I was older. And we dried it out in an air dryer. My uncle did that with a. My uncle had a tooth pulled by a witch doctor what he like after college he just went like traveled the world for like two years and needed his wisdom teeth out

when he was i think somewhere in africa yeah and they they ripped his wisdom teeth out and he still has them like in a jar wow that sounds like something you would do yeah oh i mean what do you do actually no i got my teeth done in Ecuador. I had all these impacted gums. I was like, at the end of the trip, I was like, let me just check for the dentist. The last place I'm doing dental work is Ecuador. Okay. That's what I would think.

Except a lot of people go there for that shit. Really? Yeah. So she was like, oh, this crotch is good. I'm like, nice. And then she's like, oh, awful. Oh, these are all going to fall out. These are all going to fall out. And so she's like, I got this done. And I out these are all gonna fall out and so she's like okay this done and i was going home in about

a week and i was like all right when i get home i'll do it and she was like you know people travel here to do this specifically dental you'll play 10 times the amount well i so i did see uh what do they call it now it's um like i think it's called like medical vacation or something like that yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah medical tourism medical tourism yeah like this girl went to turkey cheaper for the flight yeah the hotel all that stuff she flew turkey got everything scanned this girl's also like a hypochondriac so you know she was just like i thought i had all these things wrong with me i don't think she ended up having anything wrong with her but got like every organ scanned every test done every everything paid like 700 bucks for the flight

it was like 250 bucks for the whole fucking medical thing yeah and in america it would have been like 25 grand yeah and she did it for like 1200 bucks so i told the lady i was like i'll do when i get home she's like you're nuts and we have a surgeon like like i'll have him do it i can like fit you in like that's crazy to go back to america for this and i was like did he like go to a good school she was back to america for this and i was like did he like go to a good school she was like harvard medical school really and i was like all right let's do it so we did it but then he's doing in ecuador though living he's from there he probably came here to study yeah also there's no insurance it's just so much cheaper yeah but like uh so then i but i couldn't

get the stitches out and nobody here would take them out they're like we didn't put them in we're not taking them out that's nuts and i'm like so i should just die so none of you guys will help i knew a uh dentist who's like a friend who would do it yeah yeah he outside a ranger game we stood outside his car his kids put their cell phone flashlights on me and he took the stitches out on the streets much more much more reasonable. Much more reasonable. Jesus. There was one time I was in the Bahamas. I was in Harbor Island. Yeah.

And a buddy, we were drinking. We were really young. We were in high school. And a buddy reached into his bag to get something, and he sliced his hand open on a razor. And we were drunk, and like he started pouring blood because your blood's so thin and we were like we gotta find a harbor island if you don't know like it's a very small island that like cars aren't on it it's just golf carts so we drive the golf cart to the uh to the doctor's office of the hospital and it's closed so we're just running around the

island be like does anyone know where the doctor is? And someone calls the nurse who lets us in. And I'm just sitting there with him while he's bleeding everywhere. And in the corner of the room is a bloody rag. And he kept joking with me, being like, I'm going to take him and smother that with you. And I'm like, dude, shut up. Just fucking sit there and wait for the doctor to get in. He's like, no, I'm going to shove that down your mouth. I was like, just sit down and shut up. The the doctor's gonna be here soon like the nurse is off like

finding the doctor the doctor walks in first thing he does is grab the rag he's like all right let's see the hand everybody's like no like dude i'm fucking touching me with that with that just that's just the fucking soak up rag it's just for everybody we've thrown in the laundry at the end of the day holy shit all right so ecuador yes bahamas no no wow um speaking of travel you gotta come to my show still you'd be tripping but also i just had a good trip that would have been good for it canceled what happened i couldn't get my visa to turkmenistan why because of the rapes is that a big thing yeah they they look into your history and they're supposed to go to turkmenistan. Why? Because of the rapes. Is that a big thing? Yeah, they look into your history. I was supposed to go to Turkmenistan October 1st to 7th, and we officially can't get our visas. Really?

Yeah, we're going to go play hockey with the Turkmenistan national team. Oh, right, right, right, right. Wow. And what happened with the rapes? I don't know about the rapes. They looked into his rapes. Oh. And Feidelberg's rapes.

Oh, my past ones. Yes, yes. Is that a thing? Oh, watch this. This guy's trying to sell me ivermectin for the last four years. Hello? Hello?

Sometimes they don't talk. Hello? Ah. Yeah. Hello? What city in India are you from? All right, fuck your mother dude you look good joe rogan does not tell you the side effects of this ivermectin they continue to call you take me out of your number list

yeah once you once you get in that rogan circle you must have a lot of weird shit a lot of weird stuff popping up yeah um yeah i was just like yeah get that ivermectin here's the number here's how to get it so you got all right i'll get it and then that's like for the number for delivery you're like fuck i'm gonna change my number just for them uh ari always looks like this though i look what i think you look good like ari never aries looked that like that for 20 years. There was that period of time where you had the ring of hair and that was it. Yeah. You had the glasses. I've seen those clips of you.

Glasses was fun. But you've looked like that since probably 2008. Little boy, come. Little boy, come. How much... Ari, how much Ari how much more how much more money

do you think you could make or not do you think you would make more money if you weren't the way you are or less money you know how many people would be like

we're actively separating ourselves from you yeah yeah yeah right but also then maybe you would be lame though and you wouldn't even have this level of success

that is true yeah every time I get one of my Jews one of my whatever Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, but also then maybe you'd be lame, though, and you wouldn't even have this level of success. That is true. Yeah, every time I get one of my Jews, one of my whatever agents or whatever, they're actually not Jewish, but more or less, they dabble in the Jew arts. Honey was right. Wait, wait, wait.

You have an agent that's not Jewish? It's crazy, right? That's insane. That's like a little... I gotta look into his history. Just fucking, you know... Italian or something? You gotta be Italian, which is just fake Jewish. Yeah. I don't know. Italians and Jews without the money. like a little i gotta look into his history just fucking you know italian or something you gotta be italian which is just fake jewish yeah i don't know just italians are jews without the money he's

got the sense i don't know he might have like had like a forefather is he a good agent up for adoption yeah he's the best he's such a fucking jew it's just in his but every time he's like if you didn't do this it'd be easier i'm like yeah but then i'd be this like lame well that's so that's what i wonder though it's like yeah on some level, there is certain people where it's like, if you just take that joke out. Yeah, you have to expose yourself to a 13-year-old at their fucking forum. And I was like, yeah, man, I had to expose myself to a 13-year-old at a forum. I know.

Who else is set to remember? That was crazy. And you've pulled it up? Or you just, i had the jersey i pulled a i pulled it through a hole in a kobe jersey so then i cut a hole in it well i did not know the president of netflix is over there watching that is truly the most offensive yeah and then while where he played where kobe used to play i'm just like walking around with my fucking dick out of my you're a lot i mean that you probably probably should have got in trouble for that, right?

Because of kids. First of all, why were there kids in the audience? Why were there kids that killed Tony? When was this? I don't really remember. Yeah, they said there was a 13-year-old in the front row. In the form wearing nothing but a Kobe jersey. You know, because of the joke.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Kobe fans hate him. No, okay, I do remember that. I remember that. Yeah, that was fun. And then you just poked it through yeah i pulled it through and i just walked out to the back interrupted to the back i mean if there's ever a show to do it i fluffed it a little bit and i was like you jerked off on

stage that was where they they could get me on a little thing but they were like uh but they were like i said just like kobe he is risen i'm not trying to work up a boner but it wasn't gonna happen dude i actually i actually watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall last night, and I was thinking with celebrity when you're showing. Did Jason Segel fluff before? Oh, yeah. I don't think he did. I think he wanted to be soft.

Was it a good show? Yeah, his thing looked good. I would never go out there full not fluffed. Yeah. Because you can't fluff in front of the whole crew you can't so you gotta fluff in the back and then you gotta run i'll tell you from experience so we used to have i'd build a fluff room yeah i'd have a little closet right next to the set pumps to get it long you don't want it harder you want it longer yeah but that's what the helicopter i feel like does it's almost like a pizza dough just kind of gets

the blood out to the head. Yeah, yeah. It always was. We used to do this at the comedy store. We would call them cockings. And a long time ago, we're like three years in, and it'd be like, someone would get so excited. So you'd be the distractor. Okay. And you'd be like, Kevin, what kind of plan is that?

And you'd be like, what? It's a cactus. And then I'd come behind and I could do it. And I would just like put my balls just and you wouldn't know you just feel something but it would like you wouldn't think that's possible so you look you're like we would do it all the time and then we started trying to work up hard-ons and come up there was a foosball room we try to work up a hard-on and then hey what's what's going on you guys but when you're when it's funny it goes down so fast.

You can be fully, like, almost to the point of coming, and then you're like, you know how funny it is. It's like, no. Dude, I had to work up. It just doesn't mix. I studied abroad when I was in high school, and we were in Spain, and we were playing kings with these two girls.

Nice. And I ended up losing. And it was like, I had to strip. I had to be naked. And I was, I was like 60. I think it was a virgin.

And no, I lost a Virginia on the strip. And, uh, the, I went into the bathroom to like helicopter and get it hard. And then the girls knew what I was doing. So they came to the bathroom door and they just started like moaning and shit

like that. And I, cause I was good. I was going to get hard and hang my hat on it and come out like that that's a good move but i couldn't get it hard yeah so i just had to walk out with a limp dick sorry for the letdown ladies after trying trying and failing to get hard it's way worse than just not being hard yes that's where you really gotta you gotta know your relationship with your dick because if it's not gonna get hard it's better to just be like this is it yeah and if it is gonna get you know halfway

then then you go do it but if not now it's like now you have performance things yeah now now i know you're bad in bed too yeah just you have a small day it's like if you don't think you hit a free throw try a full court shot there's no there's no there's no loss in a failure there yes yes it's exactly that no. No one would expect you. Yeah, right. No one's going to be like, oh, you missed the full court shot. Yeah. What's on UHF today?

I haven't seen one of these in a while. I think it does work. It's a 20 and then 22, 24, 28. We were just talking about. What? What was that? UHF? No.

How old are you? 36. It was just before your time. There was the NBC, ABC, CBS, and then later Fox. I know what the dials are, but what's 20? Then there was 20. 20 went to the above dial, and then it went from 22 to 100. But those weren't real channels, right?

They were weird. You would have Star Trek reruns. Doctor Who was up there. I just remember cranking that for fun almost. Yeah. I don't remember watching. Doctor Who was up there. I just remember cranking that like for fun almost. Yeah. I don't remember watching anything. PBS was up there. Yeah.

It was strange. Yeah. These guys, we were just explaining like radios and Sirius XM to them and stuff. They're like baffled by this. You don't ever listen to radio ever? They definitely don't know. Rental car? But I did like going to school growing up.

Like there was Sirius XM but only in the car. Right. But like a TV like this with a dial. It was so advanced when that came out. You remember there was two of them

before they split. Oh yeah. But I mean I remember before there was Sirius and XM. It was Sirius and XM and it was like radio. And then they had like

then Stern was like we're going to do this new thing. Yeah. And it kind of just never really worked. Never really worked. But they still have, they just threw $100 million at Alex Cooper. So they still have.

Who's Alex Cooper? The Duke Center? It does sound like that. Cooper Flack. It does sound like that. The Call Her Daddy Girl. Oh. Her name's Alex?

Alexandra, yeah. Get her in here. They still have, you know, they still pay um howard they still and now they pay she should be a star yeah she and she is brother she just signed 125 million dollar deal that's three years after her 60 million dollar deal really she was the girl like alongside her and rogan signed spotify to serious so spotify is like first of all i love how it's like jumps spotify is like we're not renewing thank you anyway and that's not a

it's like when who's the fucking old man who now has a podcast he's so lame he's so fucking lame sometimes he's so old Bill Maher oh yeah yeah yeah he tries to be like cool and he's just like he's so out of time it's funny did you see him with the hot girl that was a tough watch oh my god bro why are you even

having this on why did she say yes to that that was tough that was a tough watch oh my god bro why even having this on why did she say yes to that that was weird but I remember when he went from ABC and then he got fired for saying like

the troops are cowards it was a funny joke actually does he do stand up he used to yeah yeah now he just does it for his own audience but anyway

he goes and he got to HBO and he's like cursed his first episode he goes this is why i wanted to come here i can say whatever i want and it was like i'm at home like you got fired you don't want to come here don't say it like that jumps too serious is like that's not the right word yeah no rebounds at serious for 125 million yeah well that was... Hello? Hello? Please, I'm begging you.

Leave me alone. How often does this happen to you? Yeah. It's the same noise. It's the same, just noise. Are you AI-ing my voice? Fuck. Dude, we got this, don't you?

We got them. I get those. I think it means your dad has been sold on the black web. It's all I get those. I think it means your dad has been sold on the black web. It's all I get. My phone rings all day, text all day. I heard they got a new one where they do get people's voices and then call your dad and then see your voice going, hey, dad, I'm in trouble.

I need this. An email is one thing, but you hear your son's voice. Really? Yeah, I'd be like, all right, you got me. If that ever happened to me, I don't know. What if you called and said, hey, dude? I would, yeah, I'd be like, all right, you got me. Yeah. If that ever happened to me. What if you called and said, hey, dude, you're the only number I've ever heard. Yeah, I'm in a Mexican prison. Send a thousand bucks.

I'm sorry. I'll call Uncle Ari. I'll send it back to you. Yeah. It's like, oh, fucking. You'd do that? Okay. Yeah, if it wasn't like a hundred grand.

If I heard your voice. Yeah. I'd do it for you, like it wouldn't surprise me if it were you right it's gotta be the right person yeah i guess it wouldn't surprise you if it were me either that's a fun game we should play on here try to see who we can get to send some money a thousand bucks on a call. Can comes in three award-winning flavors, blood orange cardamom, lemon lavender, and grapefruit rosemary. And it comes in a variety of doses for every drinker, ranging from 2 milligrams to 5 milligrams of THC.

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been evaluated or approved by the FDA. Who's the comic you would call? Shane would just pay it. He has too much money. That you would get. What do you mean I would get? You would call them and ask for the thousand bucks and you could get them to do it. All those super rich friends I have would just like, whatever, you just have it.

I don't care. Yeah. Would they even ask questions? Yeah, Tony. I to tony once i was i needed a tip tip money at the comedy store i was like hey do you have any money on you and he was like yeah i just pulled out a few hundred he was like take it i'm like no no i just tony's making that money now well i mean like i know now now but like there was like a year or two ago but but maybe a year ago i think actually the netflix thing festival when i that yeah i was like whatever so he just went because like i know kill tony was very popular but now

like the roast and then the tour of kill tony is a whole other level of fame and money so arenas yeah that's crazy where where where are you like when you hang out with all your rich friends yeah are you like are you keeping up with the joneses like do you or this is what i do before i leave before i leave to go to my my friends my rich friends all right so they're like uh ari uh you know tim dillon's here to come get you i took my wallet i put it down i'm like let's go it's like in train spotting where he puts his knife away because he doesn't want to use it like i don't even want to have this wallet it's gonna take up space needless space in my pocket to have my wallet today but you let them all play you're not like i don't know oh yeah like it's i make a joke of it it's like obviously you yeah everybody you know the dinner ends and they all

kind of like yeah no we know i'll pay for like young comics because it's the right thing to do but i feel it yeah they don't feel it right right right right well that's where like if if if what amount of money would you have to be worth right now yeah if i told you like you toned it down but you you kind of reviewed as like a lame comic i'll be viewed as okay and how much money would. I'll be viewed as, okay. And how much money would I have to get to? Yeah, like, what level of money? It would have to be a hell of a lot.

What do you make now? Are you a millionaire? No. Are you on the cusp? I was doing a show with, we do a show at Skankfest, Ari and Joe DeRosa. Ari and Joe shit on any comic you suggest. And the crowd suggests anybody And we just shit on them for five minutes

Yeah it's a great show We're getting yonder pouches this time I already did a long announcement Get every door guy to be like Hey any phone out That has to be This cannot exist in recording era Right right right

Like it's gonna be bad what we're saying Have you ever heard like People got It got back to people And and they got back to you It's like yeah Shay made a joke like I heard you should I'm is it we should on everybody. Yeah Yeah, some people like what you say But as long as you don't hear it it from my mouth Better if you heard it from me so you can see I'm joking. Yeah

Because someone else delivers it in a shitty way it's like oh yeah yeah there was at some point tony was there and he like comes up and he said something he goes no that guy's cool then whatever like that's not the show man yeah right he's cool i'm like hey we just shit on norm mcdonald for five straight minutes before you got here oh oh fuck that guy um um oh but anyway i said something about like how much money i had in the bank. Tony was just like, I have more money than you. Yeah, a lot more. He was so happy. He was so happy.

I don't know it. I fund my own specials for fucking, you know, I don't know. I keep paying for shit. Yeah, you're very self-sufficient. I also don't even think you'd be that different if you had money. I'm extremely rich. I don't have wants. Yeah.

You know? That's why, yeah. I have a nice apartment in New York. I never go, like, if I feel like upscale booze, I get upscale booze. Right. Is there one thing that you, like, if you had money, would you be, like, a car guy or a clothes guy? I would be a, let me think. Yeah, well, I mean

in the Airbnb area, I'd be like, I want a vacation home or something. But I'm like, now it's like, now you're stuck on that spot forever. Yeah, you like to bounce around. So now it's like, even a beach house. I'm like, I'll go to other beaches. Yeah, every time I'm in like Montana and I see like a house way up in the woods, I'm like, oh, I'd want that. But then I'm like, then I have

to go to Montana every summer. I'm just getting back from Denver. I went to Red Rocks, and I went hiking. I saw OAR. But I went hiking in the Rocky Mountain National Park. Yeah. This house right here, dude, is in the middle of nowhere. Oh, my God.

That's some Ted Kaczynski shit. But it's like a nice house, though. Right. Rewind because you got to get the zoom in. Yeah. That's like a... That's like a... Where's the house?

Oh, wow. That would be it. Yeah, right? That's like you are actively trying to avoid all humans. I mean, that would be really nice. I've stayed in places like that over the years, but it's great. You can't get in. You do that solo, though?

Or would you need a partner? Me, O'Neal, and Matt Edgar had a place in between Spokane and Tacoma. And it was an old fire lookout that this guy rebuilt. It was about an hour hike to get up there so you take your shit and he was like you guys don't have enough beer i'm like fuck no we do not and he goes i'll get you some on an atv and bring it up to you i'll leave it there wow but a deck that's 360 so the bears can't get in um and we stayed there for like four days doing mushrooms but like you're nowhere yeah you're no one's around if something goes wrong you're dead yeah and there's

another fire lookout like miles away but no one's around. Like if something goes wrong, you're dead. Yeah. And there's another fire lookout like miles away, but no one's in that one. They're not really used anymore. It's like a quiet place. Yeah. It's like a quiet place. Dude, when I. Those places rule. But how long could you go there before you go nuts?

So you really. What? You really. Yeah. It's like, what do you want that you don't have enough money for right now? I have a fucking shitty car for when I need to drive to like go on a hike. Where do you hike around here? The Hudson River Valley, like north Hunter and like Delaware Water Gap.

And like you really get, you could take a Metro North, but it's like way easier if you have a car. There's other places that open up. I went skiing out there once. I forget what mountain it was. It wasn't Whiteface. That's Lake Placid. But something like that. It was cool though.

I mean money... What else? I kind of knew that about you already but you're pretty much unaffected by money. You heard that $88,000 thing? No. Let's change it for inflation but anything over $88,000 doesn't, depending on where you live

too and stuff, doesn't affect your happiness income over $88,000. It affects your happiness up to... If you go from $88,000 doesn't, depending on where you live too and stuff, doesn't affect your happiness income over $88,000. It affects your happiness up to, if you go from $30,000 to $40,000, you are now happier. Yeah, right. You can afford things you couldn't afford. But from $88,000 to $120,000, you're just getting a new car. So it might be a nicer new car, but the feeling you get from a new car. When you were 16 and you got your first fucking used Nissan. But now we're also getting into the definitions of happiness and shit.

Right, right. But it doesn't increase your happiness. So whatever your reach is gives you a happiness of like, wow, I just got a really nice meal. And then Tim Dillon's like, that's a disgusting meal. Yeah, yeah. It's like, well, you've lost your joy. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, well, you've lost your joy. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there are some people I think that still maintain,

like they do like having that nicer meal or getting that nicer car. There's some security and stuff. Yeah. I was actually thinking that very recently because I bought a shitty pair of headphones. I was like, this is the same fucking thing for me as like the old headphones. And I was thinking kind of what you're saying where you're like if you didn't have the upgrade you wouldn't think about it's the same it's like what you had

from standard definition to hd tv like if it never changed you don't know what you're missing i remember when hd started being like i don't even i don't need that yeah i don't even like this doesn't even look that different and then when i went back i was like oh these are like yeah it's going back as's harder going for all those guys that fly private jets think first class is a fucking affront to their manhood

right yeah yeah yeah and it's like first class rules what are you talking about first class is the coolest thing there is in the world yeah one time

I needed to get tickets to Firefly Festival in Delaware music festival and it was sold out and I asked my agency it was like can you help me get tickets

like do you want like VIP all access I'm like no I'm just going with three regular people like we just want to get in yeah i'll get you this and this like no one's expecting that right they're gonna be over the moon with tickets just with getting tickets on a sold-out show even if we pay for it it's gonna be like yeah so all that stuff is like no one's even thinking about it yep so anyway with that in mind i'm like incredibly wealthy yeah no you No, you are. I mean, you are. I can't get a fucking boy to sit on my dick.

Oh, it's Steve's last day in like a week. How did you get the Ari experience? I mean, do you guys feel like that? I have found as I've gotten money The boy sitting on the dinner I can get that That's the difference I've found that as I've gotten more money

Everything has gotten Worse and harder and more expensive And bills go up and all that I would much rather be where I was There was a sweet spot When I first got out of school And I was working for Barstool part time I was there was a sweet spot when i first got out of school and i was working for barstool part-time i was making like a hundred grand at the age of like 25 and it was like

yeah all disposable the jump up is like wow yeah and now i have way you know more money than ever imagined and not you know and i have to pay so much more of it to other shit that i'm like this sucks this fucking sucks so i get what doesn't increase happens what do they say mo money hold on there was a second part to it you know i mean i actually said it better what did he say uh having money is not everything not having it is yeah i think that kind of goes what you're saying we're like 30 to 80 is a huge difference once you're over 80 it's yeah i frank thomas said that when he was gonna re-sign a contract. He came up with a new contract for the White Sox. And he goes, hey, I just want to be here. My kids grew up here.

Yeah. Like, I love this town. My agent's going to hate me saying this, but I'm just not going to sign with another team. And he goes, the difference between $12 million a year and $20 is nothing to my life. Dude, Jalen Brunson. Jalen Brunson signed with the Knicks for, I think it was $156 over $4. Okay. And he could have got 250 something over five and the city like threw him a parade for taking 100 million less because now they can invest in

the team and what you learn is that it actually timed it so that he'll be a free agent right when he's at his 10-year um so he can sign even more so he's actually doing like but as long as just taking that less money people were like he is the king of new york and he still gets to walk away with 150 million dollars it's not like he's going home poor and i can't believe everybody if you look at the athletes he's not going home with nothing you're going home with unimaginable wealth. Yeah. Every athlete who's ever become like the next level did that. Tom Brady took less money. Jared Jeter took less money.

Mariano, all those guys. So why aren't there more athletes who are like, I'm going to go that route. Be a hero of a town. Yes. Run the town. And even if it doesn't work, it's like we signed this new wide receiver because he took less money. We signed this new point guard because – Or like those college basketball coaches like, I've got my family here'll i'll have a radio show in this town for forever i'm never

gonna be saying this whole community is part of my community right i'll just stay at gonzaga forever right but then but like gonzaga is a little different because we get pacific northwest mostly we need to stay in some fucking shitty little town that's true that's true that's true you don't want to live in tuscaloosa you know yeah but it is interesting that my friends are so wealthy you roll with like the most well yeah it's it's a crazy level of you're the poorest of the bunch right yeah yeah yeah yeah oh yeah i mean you watched everybody pass you now i saw rogan one after another after another any sort of jealousy there was a time probably where like Mark Norman and Sam Morrill

and some of these guys and then they blew by. Yeah, I remember we went to, did a Denver show. We were doing a ski trip that I always try to pay for

with just like ticket money and then calling favors for like Lyft tickets, calling favors for like trade, like give me your Lyft ticket, I'll give you free tickets to a show for rentals

and stuff like that and we all stayed this wasn't that long ago we all stayed on like the floor of the Denver condo Norman List I think that's so much better me, Renesisi

and we're like alright one person but like Norman was like happy to be here he got a check at the end for like a thousand bucks on top this is crazy

and now it's like I won't he's still cool enough to like renting a fucking chateau yeah exactly yeah is everybody else there they've gone hollywood though they won't they won't do shit like that normal still do it shane will still do it just doesn't ski it's it's then some guys just like no way like bert's just like let's just go to it to the alps for vacation right

ian finance can't come if we do it like that yeah yeah they really have lost lost like well what it's like to be normal uh yeah i mean also you do reach a point where it's almost hard to maintain normalcy when you're making that kind of money yeah it's like insane i saw rogan yesterday put on sale uh kettlebells with his face on them jesus when you're selling kettlebells that have molded to your face, you got crazy money. That's a double level of – Inventing new ways to make money.

Oh, it just rolls in with him. He just walks into money. But he also – I mean, at least his persona, I don't know, behind the scenes or not, it seems like he could be a normal dude without money too. Yeah, one time we were at a UFC, and you get those good seats. Sometimes you get good seats.

Sometimes you're like, oh, I'm going to take it for you. Sit right behind me. And that's like, you can hear the punches and shit. That's like the best seats. And I went to go get something to eat. And then I was like,

oh, these guys, let's just get them some hot dogs. And I want him, it was the Goldie era. And I just like brought him hot dogs. I was like, oh, thanks. And I just fucking shoved them down their throats. Because there's six hours I can't eat.

Right, right, right. Let's go. Try it again. Third time's a charm. Hello? Yes? Well, hi, sir. How are you doing today?

Pretty good. How are you? Yeah, it sounds good. I'm fine, sir. Thanks a lot. So, sir, how are you doing today? Pretty good. Good afternoon. How are you? Yeah, it sounds good. I'm fine, sir. Thanks for asking. So, sir, this is Johnny Hopkins. Hey, did you remember me? What's up?

Did you remember me? This is Johnny Hopkins. Oh, yeah. What are you selling? I forget. Yeah, sir, because this is the last The final call from my company Because you're not going to get Any of the single piece of

Education from my company Buddy, I gotta be honest with you The connection's not great I don't know I don't know what the call center's going on What do you guys sell? My wife is breaking up What are you guys selling?

My wife is breaking up My phone is breaking up? Your phone's breaking up Do you sell phone service? My phone is breaking up. Your phone is breaking up. Do you sell phone service? Bro, I thought this bit would go better. I'll be honest. I thought the phone connection was going to be better. So the bit would have been cool.

But the phone breaking up, it's just not that funny. I've got a kid here I'm trying to fuck. And it's just kind of ruining it. What's that? What city are you calling me from? No. All right, bye. You got to give them credit for sticking through that.

That's such a glorious waste of their time. He wants to sell that $20 thing so bad, he's like, I'll just ignore the kid fucking part. One time I was like, I've talked to those supervisors a few times like please take me out i've said like no wrong number wrong number no that guy's not here you guys keep calling me wrong number and then uh i go to the supervisor i'm like come on man i'm never gonna buy anything yeah i was like it was a weird time during covid we're all worried about it i'm not like it could be a resurgence like i don't want no please i'm done we got other stuff like what please take me out of the list he goes buy 200 pills right now i'll take out of my list and i'm like fuck you did you do it so you did it no

i didn't buy anything i mean like i i obviously just said that like i get calls a lot i mean that's you've gotten three calls since you got i was like man to man please please please it's wasted for your time yeah bro it's sometimes it'll go away for like a month gloss over the fact that that guy just totally ignored him saying i'm trying to fuck a kid if you were doing cold calling and someone said i'm fucking a kid i think i'd probably just be like really likes guys who buy this shit yeah he's like's like, oh, I got Viagra. That's what you're looking for. That's what you're telling me you need by this kid fucking.

So wait, when are you, so if this is the case with your, like, I can't imagine your. It's funny. One of my friends, one of my rich friends is going to buy a vacation home somewhere in Europe, some like crazy place. And he's telling everybody else like that's so amazing they're all making fun of me which is fine i'll be the whipping boy like all right see when you sell out shows ahead of time you get to add second shows and i'm like all right fuck you guys but i don't but there is something it's only you really yeah there's just like something more honorable about the way you did it i don't know it's like it's like those guys can make those jokes but there's a little bit of them that i bet wishes

they were like art there's a bukowski line it's something where he's like he's like all these like other poets of the time they all have like nice houses and mansion because i'll do like these public speaking things at colleges and he's like that's not how you do poetry you shouldn't do it because i'm working in a mail room and so they're all looking down on me but they also all wish they had my balls it's kind of that about the other poet and it's really just with you everybody else is just broke yeah anybody else who's like no well i'm still like a real comic it's like no you suck yeah and you just don't have the goods the way those guys do sponsors that i fucked over by doing a funny ad read and like change i'm like no we'll just go our separate ways

yo you the fact that you have any representation is wild it's crazy it's crazy nate said it once margaz he was like i don't apologize for my friendship with anyone else as much as i apologize but you know what what they all stay friends with you yeah exactly this european vacation is like and they're like oh you could afford a place like this whatever you could and i'm like hey this is all funny that i can't afford it i'm the only one that could come visit i was gonna say the other guys can't clear their multi-million dollar schedules enough to just go out there right i'm the only one who can afford to go maybe you don't go to like a chateau or whatever but you're the guy i know most that travels the world and like

sees things and does the most shit so it's like you know who you you kind of the uh cormac mccarthy cormac mccarthy from the road and other books that I've never read. I did read that one. No Country for Old Men. Oh, really? Nice. He's doing well. The Blood Meridian was a big one.

But when he died, this is one of my favorite little stories. He died like last year. Fuck. No. I was just going to try to link up with him. I need some pills. I can't deal with this emotion.'s get me some pills opium when he died his second wife had told a story where i think it was after blood marini came out and like it was like new york times bestseller all that stuff and they were still living in a cabin shower showering bathing in

the lake behind the cabin and eating only beans and it's all they could afford and she's like we're living like this and colleges are calling offering tens of thousands of dollars for him to speak to come speak at the at the college and cormac would always go anything i have to say about the book i said in the book and you hang up the phone and i'm like what a fucking gangster that's so fucking g they did that with dolly too they tried to get on her about not speaking for like trans rights and gay rights and she's like why won't you say something why won't you put a statement out she goes i literally made over 50 hall of fame songs covering your side of this right you want me to tweet for you right that's nuts out of here. That's nuts. I put out- So much more work. So much better work.

Yeah, that's crazy what you're not associating me with. Yeah. That's a great point. You know that fisherman fable? Yeah. It's a great one. Yeah. And that's it.

I mean, that's the realest- What are we doing? Yeah. It really is the realest shit, though. It's like- But I do feel like, at least in comedy, there is a little bit of room for having it all. Because you do get to do what you... But I think some guys cross over too much and become Hollywood and have to deal with all the bullshit.

But there's that sweet spot where it's like you're still kind of on the road and doing your art that you love. But all of a sudden, now you're rich. If you see the guys who don't come and do local spots, they're done being kind of like everyday comics. Yeah. If they're not going to the stand or the cellar or the comic store or the New York Comedy Club, places like that, just going and working on stuff for $25, it's because you're only kind of doing it for the money.

Yeah. Yes. It's like, why would I do this? Or just getting ready for a tour, and that's the only time they do it. Right. Or do they go, oh, I thought of something. I want to come in and do it. I want to do it on stage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there something, too, when you have an arena like tour you're not allowed to do that kind of stuff oh you are you are yeah yeah you can like not put your name on there and go in right but you can't you can't be like a headliner at the cell you can just go pop in yeah yeah yeah yeah sure the seller doesn't have headliners like that but you yeah like so like you mean like the arenas won't let you because they need they want the ticket sales yeah yeah you couldn't do like a big if you know it's more like if you're doing a 1200 seater and then you go do a 300 seater the night before the like dude you didn't sell out yet yeah what are you doing but like in denver

they were like it's like i'd sell really well there like it's time to move up to the to the big theater and like you could make a shitload of money. But the Denver Comedy Works is the best club in the country. And I love it. And I'm like, why would I leave an amazing thing? Get the fuck out of here. Jordan, where do I know that name? Oh, from Barstool. Hold on.

Jordan from here is calling you? Yeah. Hello. Oh, she's calling. Hi, it's Jordan. I was just making sure you went to sleep. Oh, fuck. I didn't tell her we moved the time

What time did I Oh shit Alright tell them I'm gonna be late Okay I'll leave now How late I'll get there and like fuck What happened

I don't know I was like fuck I was watching Warrior I'll just tell them I overslept. I had a late night. I was watching Warrior. I'll just tell him I'll be there in like 35. You actually overslept? Yes. I'm sorry. You do this every time. Get my goat milk.

Goodbye. Bye. Hopefully she comes in. She's going to come in and tell us. Yeah, this is going to be great. You actually overslept. actually do this every time. Dealing with you is a fucking nightmare, bro. It is so funny.

Like, while we're having this conversation. Oh, my God. The industry must hate. They're like, why did Kobe die? Why couldn't it have been you and that fucking helicopter? The world would have been rid of you. That's so fucking good. The world would have been rid of you. That's so fucking good.

I like to have fun. What were we just talking about? I don't know. But wait. So, but like, you made peace with the crack shot, right? So I did two weeks in Denver. I did two straight weeks in Denver. I had the best time.

So, yeah. And I made a lot of money it's just more work for you but you can do 100 people 10 times or 1,000 it's like the same idea I also cannot sell out an arena it's not like I choose

not to I find it silly some of the like arenas used to kind of be reserved for, like, three guys. And now it's... It was diced, and no one till Dane Cook, which was 20-plus years later, and now it's tons.

I mean, it's like everyone. Tony did two straight nights. It's crazy. You should have seen in L.A. all the fucking bitches, male bitches, when it came up up it was like tony's doing mad square garden and it's like they wanted like you know you want to shit on things and i go yeah he is and he sold it out and he's gonna do another one and sell that one out yeah

and they're like why like because he's had this show for 10 years and it's in the belly room has recurring characters it's so cool i've done a hundred times he just opens the door for comedians to be funny it's so great it's such a good thing right yeah and they're like yeah yeah yeah like that's a perfect example of something that's like he did it for nothing right in the beginning yeah and probably did it for nothing up until like two minutes ago and then it fucking you know that that's the sort of leap and then i'm one little leap and then a massive leap. Yeah. But also, always fun. It was never not a fun show to do. Right. Except when Ric Flair was on.

It was so fun when Ric Flair was on. That was probably actually the most fun, right? What happened to Ric Flair? He was just shit-faced. He started drinking at two. He was hammered. And Tony is a huge wrestling fan, and specifically Ric Flair is his idol.

And Ric Flair was so bad that the crowd was booing and i think were you on it yeah so i came in they made lewis and zach sit in the back row because like oh we got shane ari and mark might come in and and they were going around to the mothership to go on and i just went into the back and i was like what the fuck and just like you know rip my shirt off and then flair was like okay i know what this is this is cool he was like allowing it and then we're sitting there talking and we're making fun of one of the open micers and then flair just goes if there's one thing you know about me it's that i don't make fun of people who donate their time yeah he wouldn't make fun of people on kill tone and like the whole

and i'm like if that's the one thing we would know about rick flair that's the one thing everybody always says rick flair doesn't make fun of people who donate their time like what and then i kind of looked behind me at lewis and zach and they were like holding back holding back and we he kept talking about his dead son and whatever and then at some point lewis just like and it was like it just not verbally let's light this guy up let's light this motherfucker up and tony was like no no please tony was trying so hard to be like this man is a legend hero he wanted to do a whole podcast with him like a separate whole like series and he was like but then he sees like

he's great for this he goes this is the right comedic moment he goes as a fan of this guy and as someone's trying to business man i'm really against this. But as a comedian, I have to be for it. I have to be. He was so sad. That was great. It was. Yeah. He keeps his morals there, Tony.

I mean, you would never not be able to watch it. Really? It was a train wreck. Yeah. It was an unmitigated train wreck. That took a big jump for him, too. Yeah. That was a big one.

Yeah. I remember even. All these guys. Have you seen an arena show? No, you have. Yeah. I was at one with you. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. What you seen an arena show? No, you have. Yeah. I was at one with you. Yeah, yeah.

It's crazy. What do you think of them, audience-wise? For... Oh, right. You don't know Kill Tony. Regular stand-up? Stand-up. I've only seen Burr.

I saw Burr at MSG. I saw Louis C.K. at MSG. I think it's pretty well understood, though, that it's not the best forum for the art, if you will. But it's also... There's a different level. There's also another feeling of like, holy shit. We're in this big thing.

This is fucking nuts. I saw a blink at Citi Field recently. I saw them there. You did too? What did you think? Hey, this is where the Mets lose. I've never seen them before. That was my first time too.

My buddy, Matt Edgar, who I went to that cabin with, he's seen them 20 times. He's a SoCal to the core. He goes, this is the best they've ever been, this tour. Really? Yeah. So I actually thought they were great, but I thought the crowd wasn't. It was too big. It was too spaced out.

You're away from people. I mean, a small rock show, like The Smell in LA or some small, like when you're there. Yeah, it's like punk rock. You want to be like, yeah. It's so much better. I walked away thinking, Mark, Tom, and Travis put on a great a great show but the crowd sucked but it was cool to see them there a little bit of fireworks and stuff but for an arena show you really want it to be like roger waters or muse or something that uses the space yeah and then like that's what i'm gonna bring it up to

say like that's kind of how i feel seeing the comedian arena show we're like they're doing their thing the crowd's not great but it's not great much people are walking around yeah yeah because that's the thing is you're like i'll get up to go to the bathroom and you don't do that it's like sporting events if somebody whistles loud you ignore it right right right i've never performed on one of those i don't see how it could ever go good well i think it's a conversational comic it doesn't make sense i mean you can't really do like com uh crowd work you can't yeah and then when you're watching from my perspective from the seats i'm like this is good it's it's fun to be in a break it's just like not as good a show as you end up watching it on the jumbotron yeah you know what i mean but i i think that it's

what do you what do you think is the best a club a theater club club like a like a 50 person club you think is like the best oh oh that's interesting i usually sit like a 300 seater sometimes it's like sometimes the 1200 seaters can be really good because they're all your fans too but still a club is so cool you can hear everybody individual laughs it's a real conversation like a 280 you know what you should do is just flip the game and and and perform only in like 50 person rooms and the tickets are like 500 bucks. There you go.

When I saw Dolly Parton, it was like fucking a lot of money and it was a 500 seater. Really? Yeah. I know the story, but I didn't know it was only 500. Yeah, it's pretty gangster to be like, you know, cap it. Yeah, so there were no even bad seats. And then you like do whatever you want. Could have spent a quarter of it

and still been in a really good seat. How much was the ticket? I think a grand, but it might have been five. No way was it five grand. Even a grand is not too bad for 500 people to see Dollar Art. For a legend and like seven to 10 rows out.

Yeah, that's nuts. You could see where her wrinkles would have been if she ever went to. What's the most you ever spent on a ticket for something? Is that it? I think it might be. And you became America's sweetheart. That's how I got you down.

Are you going to get married? No, dude, I don't know. That shit's fucking. Well, aren't you married? Are you still get married no dude i don't know that that shit's fucking well aren't you married are you still technically married did you get married as a joke a long time yeah from that yeah it just seems so dumb i went to a wedding it's so dumb what it's so fucking antiquated i i would it's like you're publicly declaring your love in front of a fucking bunch of witnesses it's like you know on like instagram or facebook or or or i guess that's it when somebody posts like five years with you today it's been an amazing five-year journey i couldn't have lived without you um and it's like why are you doing this publicly yeah yeah i hate that it's embarrassing that's what a wedding is i I saw somebody the other day.

They must have a tripod. And it was this big fat guy. And he was just kissing his girlfriend sitting on the dock of a bay. And that was it. That was the post. And it said something like... There was a caption on it. And the top comment with a zillion of votes was like, not everything needs to be on the Internet.

Like, yeah, where do we. It's like, I'm not a homosexual, but I am gay. You know, there's nothing. It's like, what are you doing? What are you bored for attention? This is crazy. It's just so it's such a private moment. Or when people do this one, the ring thing, the pose.

I'm like, you're including hundreds of thousands of strangers or just even a couple hundred strangers or even 20 strangers. Why are you telling them about this? I think that the engagement ring has gotten like, there's no shame. You send a picture to your friends. It used to maybe be you're trying to like subtly like, we're cheersing with my champagne and you can see my ring. Now it's just, there's one of the slides is just like, this is the rock.

Yeah. It's crazy. And so you just brag. If you were to start from scratch on like, hey, let's make a union together forever, what would you make up from scratch? I don't think it would be a ring. I don't think it would be a public display. I don't think it would be vows. I think you should definitely sign

over all your financial belongings definitely sign up for your financials make it legal finding and financial yeah that's what i would do i think with all that like and and this is this opinion is formed by my knowledge of very few young people but like i think that people are going to look at our generation be like like, you guys shared. Like, almost like... Yeah, like, what? Why? Almost like we were the first people to have this new addiction, and they're like, why did you tell everyone everything all the time? What the fuck is wrong with you? I hope they do that.

There was no pullback moment. There's still been no pullback moment. I think when you get married, you got to sign a prenup, which means you get to see all our friends' nips. I want that in writing. I want that in writing ahead of time. That joke sucks, Ari. friend's nips uh i want that writing i want that writing ahead of time scrap that one back to clubs are you so close to an arena and then i did the pre-nips joke where's jordan knock him she hasn't come in here yet i'm stunned because she would have told you you're waiting i just got the uh you know the

alert to be 130 no i'm saying it says like rafir 130 popped up on my phone so i i should write it right i mean i guess we have seven minutes till i'd be like where maybe she's waiting till 130 yeah yeah yeah to tell you like it could be taking a dump right now what should i i'll text her and be like just okay which is no no should i just say like okay i'm on my way should i give her a time yeah be, be like, I'm stuck in traffic. Oh. Oh. Damn it.

Alright. Well. Yeah, okay. It was three minutes after that, so he must have told her I was here. Why are you so mean to me? I was thinking there's no way she would have not told us right you so i was thinking there's no way she would have not like told us right away i was either she's i was thinking she's either like really irresponsible to not say right away yeah yeah it's the first thing you do yeah just call call the boss and be

like oh hey i already fucked us over again the one time wasn't my fault it was big cat who kept me there for way long yeah i was gonna say i don't i't view you as... Segura and Bird always fuck us over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We always end up with like seven minutes of time with them left. But it's also the same thing. It's like the other guys go with them. It's like, hey, you have 45 minutes

and they go for an hour and a half and they just fuck us right in the face. But yeah, I don't think of you as that. I think of you as disgusting and a liability, but I don't think of you as... How much complaints do you get? It's like they always say about Ric Flair and Ari Shaff shafir like you're donating your time my favorite i saw these reactions i did tucker carlson show oh fucking sweetheart nice guy totally cool it said like

it was the first uh show back after the debates because we got to talk about that you know and i was like i don't know anything about it i don't care about politics you're scraping the bottom of the back yeah we talked to a brick wall i just don't give a shit about any of that shit because we'll skip it we don't have to talk about any of that shit. He goes, we'll skip it. We don't have to talk about it. So we talked about other stuff. And the comments was so many of like, Ari, I'm done with you now for associating with this guy. And then like, this guy didn't read the real testament.

He stopped at the first testament. That's why he's a heretic. Too nihilist. We're going to lose our country. And then my favorite was, Tucker, I'm done with you now for having this guy on. Really? Mutual and short destruction. And we both destroyed each other's careers.

You do have like, you're talking about like not seeing, not like knowing anybody. I remember seeing you, I think you were at the stand once and you were just kind of explaining your thought where you're like, yeah, I just don't look at the news. And then I don't, it doesn't bother me. But there's also something about you. I don't know if it's because you travel or maybe it's because people know that you like used to study

study religion or whatever but I do expect you to be like well informed and have like I could go talk to Ari about those things and then you start talking it's like oh he's an idiot

yeah I'm an idiot I mean especially when Middle East shit pops up everyone's like Ari what do we do it's like I don't know man I mean I know the answer is bomb them all

that's really the only answer it's a corrupted system it's like ari what do we do it's like i don't know i mean i know the answer is bomb them all that's really the only answer it's it's a it's it's a corrupted system it's like it's not gonna work out yeah yeah yeah uh start from scratch but like uh get some nice netherlanders in there and fucking repopulate some nice fucking nice whites some folks people in the netherlands get them in there yeah get some d in there some Neathalanders there I think about Neanderthals where's he getting Neanderthals what we're looking for is Dutch I try to be a good traveler

but like I was in Greece and I did my show and then I was going to stay for another couple weeks after that but I was like I'm going to walk home and the guy's like no no we'll give you a ride home I'm going to walk and he's like oh no you don't and I get it this is what happens with all like comedians like let us take care of you but i'm like i travel a lot you know yeah and i'm like no i'm good man i travel a lot i i know what i'm doing he goes well then you'll know you're gonna walk through

the heroin part of town they're gonna rob you i wouldn't i live here i would never walk through this he goes if you want to walk let me drive you the opposite direction. And you walk around. But that's crazy. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm a really bad traveler. I don't do any of the research. When I travel, I think Europeans, I just don't respect them. I was in Dublin recently. I got some beers with some buddies who are Irish, and they're from Dublin.

And afterwards, it's probably like 10 o'clock at night, 11 o'clock at night. And I was like, all right, I got to head back. And they're like, ah, Jesus. Yeah, no, you should be all right now. And I was like, yeah, dude, I want to be fine walking through fucking. You guys don't even have guns here. Are you fucking kidding me? You're telling me about, like, we're a dangerous part of town?

What, they have knives? We're going to get fucking gonna fucking come in with sticks like i'll fucking make it dude yeah you're dangerous as nothing yeah dude like we have guns also isn't like everywhere you know it's like dub is dublin now a dangerous city we have to worry about i think it's just certain parts but even that generally like everywhere me and rogan were what I mean. Certain parts are like everywhere. Me and Rogan were in Rio for UFC, and we had this driver slash bodyguard. And Rogan's like an alarmist. He likes seeing what animals can kill him around there. He was like, look at this spider. It's in Brazil.

I'm like, is that in Rio? No, it's like 600 miles away in the jungle. I'm like, oh, dude, stop looking that shit up. But anyway, he goes, is it dangerous here? And the guy goes, no, you're too like men. They're not going to bother you. Right. They're looking for to bother you. Right. They're looking for a lone, drunk old man.

They want boys. Yeah. Jackie and Steven. He's wearing that tan on tan. I like it. It reminds me of skin. Jesus Christ. Well.

You can be interned on my dick. You can be interned. I'm not into boys i don't even know what i'm doing i signed up for the bid i just kept going we're ending on that note not into boys yeah it's just like there's neighborhoods to watch out for but also like you'll still probably be fine yeah and worst case it's like they're just gonna like take your wallet they're gonna be like i'll figure it out how's uh. And worst case, it's like, they're just going to take your wallet and they're going to be like, I'll figure it out. How's UB Trippin doing? It's doing great.

Rob fucking Lowe is on. Yeah. I'm having all these people now start to reach out of finding out, like, oh, I travel also. I never get to talk about this. I just had Harlan Williams on. His episode hasn't come out yet. So cool. Yeah.

He's so good. I had this map. You went to the old studio. Now I have a new studio. And it's like, the background is a map. And he's like looking at it. He sat he's so good. I had this map. You went to the old studio. Now I have a new studio. And it's like in the background is a map. And he's like looking at it. You sat like in a room

in your apartment. It was my spare bedroom. It was a closet, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll go to the new one. This reminds me of a picture I got sent. We can cut this if you want to.

Okay. The Challenge. I was going to say, boy, that's Well, no, because it's just stuff about like your special but i want on don did oh yeah and he sent me a picture of your wall and it's just it says school shooting heroin retarded galley potato trans summer feidelberg white privilege there it is In summer, Feidelberg white privilege.

There it is. There's all my set lists. You can leave that in. Yeah, all the big ones, baby. Cappy Petito retarded Feidelberg. What a three-person run that is. I have some good bits in there. Yeah, it's just going well. It's just the people who should be doing are starting to reach out like i have instead of like hey i want to do your podcast what's it about

it's now like hey i actually i i have a reason to want to do it yeah yeah so it's just like it's fun i sit there sometimes i finish an episode and then i just kind of like like me and soda finish one on on uh iceland we just like sat there and like sighed for like a minute. Like, fuck, I want to go there now. Yeah. My mom said it's like the better ones are the ones that make her want to go. And the worst ones are like, eh, it doesn't make me want to go there. Your poor mother.

She listens to your shit? Yeah. But even like Danny Polish that came on, who was talking about getting dengue in Laos, dengue fever and being in a hospital, it still was like, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an experience, yeah. It sucks in the moment, but like i did that yeah yeah looking back on them it's just like

had a u.s olympic gym uh skateboarder silver medal winner came on to talk about this year uh-huh yeah yeah i came right back and talked about it no shit i'm sure yeah um i've been thinking about which one i would tell yeah what would you what would you probably el salvador el salvador i haven't had one of those yet yeah i've had to put a moratorium on uh amsterdam and just surprisingly and mykonos it's like it's like certain people like the same trips and like i can't do another one about like how crazy it was to smoke weed in amsterdam yeah yeah yeah yeah you've got it you got in there first yeah and then you also had a very stripper heel up the ass

last second that's an interesting the whole getting there was part of it yeah that was honestly the bigger part of the experience was that and then like and israel surprisingly a lot of people did so i'm like all right enough of those those but then like it's fun different like my Israel is way different than fucking Jeffrey who just like did a year abroad he's not even Jewish he did in Israel he's from what Wisconsin? Milwaukee?

he seems he's from the Midwest yeah but he's got the go in Midwest to Israel that's a culture shock they're all culture shocks but that one's gotta be pretty yeah you can see it from an outsider perspective. You see his joke about Caitlin Clark.

He's just railing on her. Just being like, she's ugly. She's not hot. She's hot around a bunch of dykes. It's like a different scale. You're a three. You shoot them and you are a three. It's like, oh, Jesus Christ.

His joke about the Olympic boxer was unbelievable. Really? The one I sent it to you. I'm putting one up today about it. The Algerian woman. I don't want to tell it because I feel like I'm going to butcher it. Come on, you're telling me an Italian woman doesn't know how to get hit by a man? That's funny. I think I've seen that I've seen that

my take was that people were like she's too ugly it's not fair we have something to lose with our face she's such a fucking ugly bitch she can leave with her head and it won't affect her dating at all regional beauty queens and a fucking monstrous pugilist wailing on her that's totally unfair i get it i got i got a dove ad reworking after this you know yeah

all right bro good stuff as always thank you very much all right like your call was like uh it's time for a semi semi-annual twice annual whatever yeah I mean you're by far our best recurring guest really

well you know in a lot of like tied into what we talked about you always say yes you always do it so many people are like

yeah yeah we'll do it or like we'll get to it we probably started a hundred right away yeah yeah

we just go but everyone now it's working out schedules and I got around my tour and I'll cancel and make it up again and it never happens you know jump in someone else's Uber 100 right away yeah we just go but everyone now it's working out schedules and i get around my tour and i'll cancel and make it up again and it never happens you know jump in someone else's uber and get over here oh you know what you know what the real thing the real thing that's tough is when

people are like i you know i'm too busy it's like i know what busy means in this industry it's like i know that you're busy but not really between the hours of like 11 and 5 ever so don't tell me you can't throw an hour my way you know this week's a little tough yeah like i i get it but you know it's not like you're too busy like too busy to make time for you that's what it is it's too busy just want to have a day to walk around and do nothing yes which i also yeah yeah it'd be nice but it's also like you know every now and then come on back through yeah you know oh yeah things are going pretty well come on back yeah but you always You know? Oh, yeah. Things are going pretty well. Come on back. Yeah. But you always say yes. I'll be back more in two.

I'm only in and out one day. I'll be back in like two weeks hella. Yeah. Then I'll do it. Yeah. Hella? The door's always... Hella?

Yeah. What don't you understand? You just said, I'll be back in two weeks hella. Yeah. That doesn't make any sense, right? No. I'll be back in two weeks hella. Like, I'll be a lot back in two weeks i'll be back

quite often in two weeks dude that is a stroke no baby is that how you think you're supposed to use that word yeah dude i know how to use the word hella more than any of you i don't think you're using the word hella right i'll be back in two weeks hella means that's like in two weeks it's like the words are back all the time i'll be hella back in two weeks no way nowhere is it cool no it's not even supposed to be in the sentence at all but you're saying you're saying quite right i think i'm i'm you're from california you're with ari i'll be back hella he's from california where nor so that but he just shouldn't be using this at all i don't feel like saying i'll be back in two weeks hella you're not from the Bay Area so why do you say

that didn't sound good either well Jackie I've been there a lot Jackie's a fake California from New Jersey I have hella friends from there

I've been there a ton that makes more sense that was right you're putting it at the end of the sentence you're simple people I know I'll be back

in two weeks hella it's you come to this from such a fucking minor understanding of the fucking grammar of Oakland សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.