KFC Radio - Ari Shaffir's Muse For His Special Was (John) Feitelberg - Full Interview

Episode Date: January 28, 2025

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 08:34 Timothee Chalamet is a truly talented child actor 09:51 Music snobs 12:15 Are Bill Burr and Billy Corgan half bros or is it fake? 16:05 Ari got turned down by Kanye's (Ye's) team 24:28 Ari was much more physical in this special 25:22 Ari and Feits' experiences with taking dr**s without knowing which they are 31:36 Ari Bashes Feitelberg in America's Sweetheart 36:22 The downfall of Pete Alonso 39:31 Evan Longoria is Ari's most famous Eskimo brother 44:10 The Top 10 highest paid comedians 44:36 Top 10 Highest Paid Comedians: https://www.billboard.com/lists/top-comedy-tours-2024/matt-rife/ 49:04 Shane calling Nick Saban Alabama Jones 51:04 What older comics would be in their prime during this era of comedy and podcasting? 01:02:35 Ari is watching Sex and the City on his own 01:10:25 comedian and bowler groupies who want to f 01:12:23 Ari's early commercial days 01:20:15 Going to the movies alone 01:25:36 We tried to sign Shane +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Presented by Jackpocket: GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, in NY Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY. 18 or older (19+ in Nebraska, 21+ in Arizona). Void where prohibited. 1 per new customer. Enter promo code at checkout for $2 non-withdrawable credit. Terms: jackpocket.com/tos/free-ticket-promo/. Based on iOS download data collected by Sensor Tower from October 2024. Scratch tickets subject to availability Gametime: Download the Gametime app today and use code KFC to easily score great deals with Gametime Picks! Draft Kings: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code KFC. GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, [phone] or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), or visit www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min. $5 bet. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: dkng.co/dk-offer-terms. Ends 2/9/25 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. Eroxon: Try Eroxon today – available in stores and online. Visit https://www.eroxon.us to learn more. TBS: The Joe Schmo Show is out now on TBSYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I made Feidelberg shirts. The first title of the special is going to be Feidelberg. Oh, yeah! How about that? Whoa! He asked me about shirt sizes. I was like, what's this going to be? Yes!

Bro, it's going right up on the page. I was legit, I had it as my title for a while. Feidelberg. Cause I thought it'd be like the net was like, what does that mean? I'm like, you'll know when you get to the closer. And then Becky,

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Promo code required for $2 non-withdrawable credit. Prize amount may differ at time of drawings. Terms jackpocket.com slash TOS slash free dash ticket dash promo slash. How are you, Ari? I'm great. How are you guys doing? What's up, dude? Good, man. Yeah. You're always on this side. Yeah, it's very different. New chairs

too, huh? No? You usually sit on the couch. Yeah, you sit on the couch there usually, yeah. Freaking me out. You're not usually this close to me. I usually have some sort of distance. Whatever you're going to do to me, don't put some shit on me. Don't touch me. Don't poke me.

Dude, I saw somebody take a dump in a toilet and throw it at the crowd. What? At the box, some burlesque show. Oh, at the box? Yeah. So they had the toilet on the stage? They wheeled it in. Usually, well, that's new.

Usually, they just shit in the box. Wait, they threw the feces of the crowd? Yeah. See, come on. I was upstairs and I was like, oh, and then I was like, curtain, curtain. I'm not getting it. I can see through it. I don't need to see every moment on this one.

That place, man. Like, we got to have a line. You can't throw shit at people. You want to throw shit at yourself. You want to stab yourself in the dick. You want to poop on stage. You want to fucking bleed. All that shit. You kind of throw shit at someone who want to stab yourself in the dick you want to poop on stage you want to fucking bleed All that shit you kind of throw shit at someone who is not signed up for shit throwing

I guess when you go home though you like you go to the box for a story, bro You go now. I'd you go to the zoo right you like yeah, the monkeys are throwing shit at us. It's funny Monkeys it can't hit you if they got a good arm. I should usually behind the glass I don't know. I was thinking cage. No, cage, cage. Monkeys can throw a piss on you. That's a common thing.

Jerk off on you. It's got to be some videos of, yeah. It's a little tug. Yeah. Yeah, I was all mollied out, and I cracked a tooth grinding too hard. No way, dude. Yeah, I was like, what the fuck? It's like right in there on this side. It's up and down cracked.

Yeah, holy shit. Oh, God. I'm like, what? I kept thinking it was food, and it's like, no there on this side. It's up and down cracked. Yeah, holy shit. Oh, God. I'm like, what? I kept thinking it was food, and it's like, no, you just grind. You're just scratching the fucking nerves. I'm just like doing that. You know, you're like grinding. Oh, I know, the grind, yeah.

And then it just like. Wow, that snap. Ah! God damn. I actually don't know how I never grinded my teeth off like on Adderall. Adderall used to make me grind like a motherfucker. There's a few drugs. They're grindy drugs. What is that? What is that? is that i don't know in particular that's why people use up

pacifiers they didn't do remember that yeah yeah yeah being like weirdo like yeah gum something you gotta do but sometimes i get like like cuts on my guns so i'm sucking it in too much dude i had a kid so i played baseball my of college, and our catcher on our team still wore braces. And this was like we all dipped and stuff, obviously, we played baseball. And our catcher used to go like this. Before we put a dip in, he would go like this and just scratch. To get it in there?

To cut himself. And then he would put a lip in, and he would say, like, because there's, I don't know there were always rumors about fiberglass in chewing tobacco to cut your lip open to get i don't think that's a rumor i think it's yeah i mean i've never seen it officially i've heard enough that it probably is true but he was like yeah it's a little extra fiberglass like you're a fucking animal there's a video i don't remember if it was john crook or lenny dykstra they probably played together right around that time but one of them slid headfirst into first to beat out a throw,

which is never smart, but it works once in a while. Cut himself up completely. And you see him bleeding out of the mouth on one side. And then he goes and picks all his dip out. Puts it in the other. And goes to the other side.

That's what Lenny used to chew, man. Dude, we ever hear this story about when Lenny Dykstra showed up to Barstool? No. Dude, this was sad. This was actually, like, sad. It was really sad. It was the old office.

It was a little funny, too, though. Like, the elevator opens up into the office kind of deal. Oh, yeah, I remember that one. And we were sitting there, like, the whole, at the time, it was probably, like, 30, 40 people. And there's just this old guy walks in in the middle of them doing the rundown. And everyone's kind of staring, like, who the fuck is this and he's like i'm talking i talked to el presidente he dm'd me told me to come by the office and dave was like i don't know who are you man he's like i'm lenny dykstra he's like i haven't talked to lenny dykstra and it was basically like

some stoolie trolled lenny dykstra and got him to show up to HQ. Meanwhile, you should talk to him. Yeah. Well, this was also – We would. We didn't. So, yeah, somebody made, like, at Dave Portnoy instead of at stool Presidente, whatever his name was. What a win for that guy. Yeah. Like, prank to perfection, you know?

Yeah. But Lenny is not the most lucid of fellas these days, and certainly not back then, because he does have stories for days. He's kind of like what Barstool's done very well with the Grudens and Dion, hire ex-athletes. He is

just too far gone to do that. Do you know who his son, Pat's checked this on me, I believe his son is married to Jamie Lynn Siegler. Patrick Dykstra. Yes. Yeah, I made that up. No, Pat's checked this on me. I believe his son is married to Jamie Lynn Seigler. Patrick Dykstra. Yes. Yeah, I made that up.

No, it's Cutter. Cutter Dykstra. Yeah, I did know Cutter. Because when I lived in Philly, it was when Dykstra was there. And he was, hey, he's a good looking guy. Damn, she's not bad.

Dude, she's so pretty. She's, I mean, she. Oh, that's Jamie Lynn, the one on the right, one further right of that. No, no. Jamie Lynn. Yeah, that one. No, that's Jamie Lynn. The one on the right. One further right of that. No, no. Yeah, that one.

No, that one. Right there. Next to the right of the one you just went to before. Yeah, that. No, no. Idiot. Right of that. Yeah, that one.

Look at those titties. I mean, you're making me work for it. I've not. They're in Austin, I guess. She is. I usually don't play the lookalike game because it can always offend somebody. But I feel like it's pretty safe when you say Marissa Tomei. I feel like her and Marissa Tomei are – Can you zoom in on quadrant G5?

Zoom in. You know which quadrant I'm talking about. Just zoom that shit in. Their show is kind of funny though because Rob is like – Rob is like one of us. He's kind of like – he's actually zooming in on us. Wow. Look at that. Rob is just like kind of, you know, like a regular guy, like a scumbag.

Yeah. You know, and she's so, like, nice and, like, you know, she's just like, you did what? And, like, I can't believe you said that. And he's just like, yeah, whatever, bitch. Your father was a murderer. Admit it. What I really like about Rob is that he's just like, I was such a shitty actor and just caught a wave.

And like, that's that. It's so funny that child actors go into another era while they're acting. A kid from like, who's the boss? All these people, they're hired for their cuteness. I don't know. And then they lasted 10 years. And I'm like, now you're a 16-year-old with no chops and not cute weird awkward face you know what it is though i think if you make it past that you're like a legend you're like it's like timothy chalamet type shit like you're gonna go on to what

was he i i don't know i mean he's not a child actor but i feel like he was young that guy's gorgeous he was definitely young interstellar yeah yeah he was the kid he was playing the kid i wouldn't call him like a child star but he was a young actor who then became like, you know, he's the fucking man. He's the man. Did you ever see him impressing McAfee with his knowledge on Game Day? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, did you see SNL the other night? No, was he on it?

He hosted it, and he was a musical guest. He does music? I hate Bob Dylan, to be honest, but he nails Bob Dylan. He smoked it. I don't even really know bob dylan that was and and i think even the third song was only when he kind of did like dylan-esque but like he was so funny he sings normally he's a musician he's not until this movie but like now he is i definitely know like when he was like a kid he used to make like videos that's what's

also funny is he grew up like in the internet era so he has like videos of him being like trying to be like a white rapper and doing like silly dumb shit like that and then it's also funny is he grew up like in the internet era so he has like videos of him being like trying to be like a white rapper and doing like silly dumb shit like that and then it's also like yes but I'm also the most talented guy in the world

Bo Burnham same thing grew up in the internet and he's like actually I'm good though that's funny about Bo Burnham I haven't talked about him

in a while I showed my dad country song this weekend the parody he has he's one of the most underrated comedic guys. Yeah. Just because he doesn't do straight stand-up or something.

I don't know. I feel like he's pretty praised, though. I wouldn't say underrated, would you? It's just like I don't think people quite give it up for him enough. They don't really mention him. I'm surprised you like him. I can see him being someone you hate. Yeah, there was a time when stand-up hated him

because he was him, Reggie Watts. There was a few guys who were like, not exactly traditional stand-up comics. You guys are so know it wasn't me it wasn't me people got mad because like why and it's almost like guys i told them all both of these guys are gonna be in clubs for like six months and then i'm moving on a giant yeah it's a stopover gig to way bigger stuff don't worry about this yeah with these genres and like definitions of what it it's a stopover gig to way bigger stuff. Don't worry about this. With these genres and definitions of what it is. It's like, who gives a fuck? The guy's funny and unique and interesting.

It's like music to me. It's like if you were a rapper complaining about country, complaining about opera. It's like there's just different ways to entertain people. Like Beyonce. That's not straight country. Who cares? Is the song good?

Do people like it? Not even if it's good. I don't think it's good. But is there a huge market that people do think it's good then i actually i actually fucked with cowboy carter i did like that i didn't like her last one renaissance but i thought i was in uh yeah the fucking what's the name of that one song he has art is dead so fucking yeah art is dead's awesome whoa um i was in pittsburgh we're at some speakeasy like like dingy like neighborhood drinking club.

And one of the guys there was from Kentucky or something, from the Sticks. And something came on like Korn. He was like, fuck yeah. And everyone started making fun of him. He goes, I don't care. This speaks to me and my whole crew. Yeah, you're right. Korn was funny.

Korn was always smack in the middle of, it would be like like trl would be like nine straight boy band songs and then corn and then yeah yeah they were great man what kind of music did you listen to white boy music top 40 for a while then straight to like art whatever arcade fire genre is and like green day and and smashing pumpkins came i was like oh i'm about to go to a new spot is that bill birthing a bit? I think so, but I don't know. I can't believe you think it's not. I mean, did you watch it?

That's why I... It's funny. When you said that's funny, I was like, oh, that kind of like... I was saying that it's so funny. I don't think Bill does that kind of shit. That's why I can see through it. He's not doing it well. But I think if you watch just that, it looks pretty real.

See, I'm with Ari. I thought it was like – when you sent it, I was so deciding on what to say back because I didn't want to like over say. So I was like, ha, ha, ha, that's pretty good. And I meant like that's a pretty good bit. For someone famous to have a half brother right is crazy for someone famous to have a half brother who's also famous is look through that anytime you have like an andrew huberman going i'm seeing someone start a new forest fire like oh yeah you saw a celebrity

that's wrong the only person in the world yeah yeah but the like howie mandel also does that shit he did it with daniel white last year that's what I also forgot like oh yeah once people pointed that out but I just I don't know maybe Bill I mean

I mean Bill is and also Billy Corgan is a look at Billy Corgan's shirt what I haven't noticed that before what is it it's an AEW shirt

yeah well he owns he owns NWA Wrestling I know but he's cutting a promo right now wearing a fucking wrestling shirt i thought it was good though i thought the way they did it was i didn't think if it wasn't an unbelievable story let's say it was something that wasn't as far-fetched as two guys named bill of the same brother or not i thought it felt like bill being like his usual

like i'm angry at yourself uh i i i maybe it's because i knew how he does this stuff but like i wasn't i didn't think for a second it was real. It's funny when you know something's fake and you tell somebody and they're like, no, because they so want to believe it's real. Yeah, well, I mean, it's funny watching different platforms too. It was like one platform totally bought it. Another platform thought it was fake.

Instagram was like, you put up a poll, it was like 50-50. But it really, I think, Anchor Bias. What? Anchor Bias. That reads on who shows it to you, how you see it the first time. How it was like 50 50 but it really i think it uh anchor bias what oh yeah that depends on who shows it to you how you see it presented to you there's a video of a lady or trans or non-binary lady getting thrown out of a seat on a plane because she has to say if she's a miss or mister she's like what this crazy you're asking me this and he's like if you don't say who you are i can't leave you in the seat she's like like, that's ridiculous. What are you talking about?

I'm like, ma'am or sir, I got to – and people are like, this is the problem with the woke left now. She refused to say or whatever. Or like the right wing is going this way. And it's like it's a plane I've seen in 30 fake videos. It's a rental plane. None of these guys are wearing actual outfits. It's this.

I basically – I assume – And it's like – it's so fake. I just assume everything I see on the internet is fake. I don't believe. The problem is there's just so much money. I was watching a video today about somebody who made a fake AI influencer. So he made a hot chick.

Wow. And allegedly, supposedly is making 50 grand like a month. That's probably fake too. But there is just so much money to be made by making dumb fake shit that people fall for that it's like a ton of people are gonna do it so it's all fake because it's like someone's like just rent a plane studio and we're gonna go viral and we're gonna make 30 of them one will take off we'll make money that or just repurpose Shane Gill's videos the repurposing is crazy

all you gotta do is just take someone else's shit yeah that they've gotta figure out a way to stop that cause that is just

it sucks look what so and so popular did all the Rogan reaction videos all that I mean comedy you guys get

fucking raped all the time before we were like please mention us and now it's i mean comedy you guys get fucking raped it's so funny time yeah before we were like please mention us and now it's like all right now you guys all made money once once you all make money and then it's like well that's mine now yeah um we were talking about music earlier america's sweetheart ari shafir on netflix now thank you very very funny name my closer after you yanni vital we're gonna get to that. But did you actually discover Kanye after he became anti-Semitic? I went, I mean, I knew who he was, but yeah, I got way into him after that.

Christine Oakerson called me and she goes, hey, I know this is all popping off right now, but have you heard Black Skinhead? It's really good. And then I listened to it. I was on a treadmill randomly, not very often happens, in a hotel. And I was like oh my god i've never understood the word slaps before and then i started listening more asking people about him and they're like have you heard his gospel album like no and it's like he's redoing

the gospel album it's just like wow he's amazing dude when you got when you started referencing the gospel i was like oh he's deep yeah i got way into him i was like, oh, he's deep. Yeah, I got way into him. After Jesus Walks, I just lost him. I knew a couple songs here and there. You are the complete polar opposite of 99% of the population.

Everyone did the opposite. That makes sense. Everyone was like, fuck that version. Yeah, they say he's crazy, but I'm like, obviously. But who cares?

What are you talking about? I mean, it's a great point want to say your whole bit but it's a great point like why he's a generational artist why do we expect why are we holding to some other standard yeah it's like van gogh i was a big kanye guy and then i kind of went the opposite way you once he was anti-semitic i was like i'm probably gonna step away from kanye a little bit interesting well you gotta listen quietly you're like is that who it is he won an award for villain of the year nma what's nma i've said it's a magazine right you know what that's bullshit on google we're talking about uh you know like

people that's what we're gonna list for his awards the motherfucker has like 40 grammys he won enemies villain of the year 2010 by the way that's it like that's not even his number one on his top Google search it says awards villain of the year

Kanye's won number one award he's won Grammys like a lot of them yeah that is crazy that was the year he did the Taylor thing that's why

so I tried to get Black Skinhead for the closing song and I was like this would be good because I actually once Christine told me that, I just like, that whole tour for this hour, I like, I went out to that song.

Because it goes so, It's so good. And so I go out with it. I was like, let me try to get this. And I asked, I was like, there's no way I'm going to be able to license this high level of song. No, yeah.

So maybe I'll go through Shane or Rogan who's known him Rogan is like I text him that's a different number he changed his number I'm like story tracks black guy Shane was like I don't have his number either and if I get it it's just going to invite just a shit load of drama into my world I'm like fair fair fair

so then I just had my people reach out to his people like can we get they have this whole big long bit about how really legitimately amazing kanye west is and how people have done him wrong i didn't even i didn't i had this whole long thing about fucking kim kardashian how i would never stop fucking her her pussy's life and everything like that that didn't even make it i cut that out for time that's where he would have been like no fuck let me see the bit in the way but i cut that out and i was like can we use this thing and they go first of all i hope goddamn well you're not referring to him as kanye because he's yay

i also refer to it as twitter it's not that but it was like all right so that's over yeah i'm happy you got a response yeah it was even for one second, they entertained the idea. The whole organization is nuts. That's why he's that talented. What was I going to say? I have a question about the special that might be dumb. America's Sweet are on Netflix right now. Game time.

The official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. Had a great experience with my kids at the Knicks game. Feidelberg's been going to Broadway. Ari Shafir's on the show if you want to go see him or any of your stand-ups, any comedy shows. Nate Bargatze, Shane Gillis, all those people moving major tickets.

Lakers at Knicks, Golden Knights at Rangers. This is all this weekend. All available on GameTime, especially Monster Jam. That's February 1st. One of my dad friends took his kids to that the other day. All available on GameTime, especially easy. Monster Jam. That's February 1st. One of my dad friends took his kids to that the other day. And right now, easier than ever with GameTime, with GameTime Picks.

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What time is it? Game time. All right, this is it. The Super Bowl is upon us. Patrick Mahomes is going to win another one. Let's go. Great kingdom. I oddly found myself rooting for them.

I was indifferent. Like in a good indifferent way. I'm like, I don't really care who it is. I was the same way. And I was like, I want Josh Allen to win. I like Bill's Mafia. But the amount of discrediting that people are doing to the Chiefs pisses me off.

Oh, does it? Does discrediting a great fucking dynasty piss you off? No, but yes, you have that argument with the Patriots. But I said specifically, I hate the Patriots. I hate the Yankees. I always acknowledge I hate them because they fucking are awesome. Yeah. It is pretty crazy how there are questionable calls every game.

It's every game. But, you know, they win for a reason man it's not just the refs it's not just luck at some point when you are 15 and 2 on the regular season and going back for a three-peat and four and five years it's not like just because of the refs it's it's it's in no it's so i don't watch enough chiefs games to really get worked up about it like you know i watch the monday night game the thursday night game sunday night game everything else i'm kind of like watching the pats or it's gone yeah so i don't like i'm not like tuned in locked in enough to have like a real opinion but when i hear people talk about it i just hear the flake gate i hear spy yes i hear like yes it's the same i hear brady gets all the calls i'm like

no he's like yes they do because but they all no they don't you know what i mean like well i'm sure that didn't make any sense. I'm sure if you go game by game, call by call, it's probably 50-50. With the Chiefs, it feels a little bit higher. You probably get a couple breaks, but they're also that team that makes those things happen. And even the drop pass is like, because Spagnuolo sent this fucking amazing blitz, and everyone was scrambling. It's like, yeah, it hit his hand, but maybe he dropped it because he was like oh fuck and you know like at some point all of these things are a

product of being the best team exactly that was my although you know what this is a little sports talk here during the draft kings ad read my buddy was texting me yesterday morning not about the chiefs uh he's a pats fan and he was telling me that he me that he's got his group chat all riled up because he's been saying that Jaden Daniels is just Mac Jones 2.0. And he's like, I don't really believe it, but the stats are actually shocking. Jaden Daniels, 69% completion percentage. Mac Jones, 67.6. Jaden Daniels, 3,568 yards mac jones 3 801 uh average pass 7.4 for daniel 7.3 for mac jones touchdowns 25 for jay and daniels 22 for mac

jones interceptions 9 for jay and daniels 13 for mac jones they're like they're not the same one is being anointed the next patrick mahomes the other is the other is backing up that's a great one dude so no matter who you're betting on to hoist that lombardi trophy drag kings has got you covered you can bet all the props all the all the touchdowns uh anything you you want drag kings has got you covered and right now you can bet five dollars to get two hundred dollars in bonus bets instantly it's your last chance of the year to bet on touchdowns and to bet on football do not miss out use promo code kfc at draft king sportsbook today five dollar bet get two hundred dollars in bonus bets only on dragging sportsbook the crown is yours gambling problem call 1-800-GAMBLER in

new york call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY 467-369. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort in Kansas, 21 and over, age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario, new customers only. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, Are you more physical than you used to be?

Maybe. Somebody said you're really physical. I'm like, when did that happen? Fucking Mr. Dane Cook over here. Yeah, around stage. I think I might be really physical. You were very physical in this. I loved it.

But I was trying to, I hadn't seen Jew in a while. And I was like, I don't remember him being this physical in Jew. But you're like, Jew, you kind of were. I mean, it was very. I was still moving around a little bit. I'm trying to remember, hiding behind candles and stuff. I don't know. I don't know what I was.

Somebody mentioned that once. And I was like, no. Yeah, I guess so. I'm not trying to be. I actually, at one point, I started being like, he might be doing it on purpose this time. Yeah. I mean, I don't know where you're going to go to.

You didn't change anything? You didn't make a conscious decision? No, no. It wasn't like that. Yeah, not a dumb question, but someone has said it, and I was like, I guess so. I'm glad someone else has said it, too. That makes me feel much better.

Yeah. Did you feel like we were saying it's almost impossible? I dance a lot in this. Yeah. I do dance a lot. A lot of Molly jokes. Damn, my fucking mouth still hurts. So you just run around and you're still doing Molly?

It was pre-pandemic Molly. I found it in the freezer. It was pre-pandemic Molly. I saw, I was in one of those dude tubes. It was like a three packer. And I was like looking for mushrooms. And I was like, wait, what's it? I was like, it's Mandy on it. I was like, what packer and i was like looking for mushrooms um and i was like wait oh what's it i was like it's mandy on it i was like what what phase was i going through my

life where i was referring to it as man and then i opened it up and it was like two tabs like you know the the press powder that's in there and you could empty out the kind i got burnt with and i'm like uh this is that two tabs, oh, we got to do these soon. And I went to the box and did them. It was a perfect environment for it. Because you got to be up late to go there. It lets out at 3.30. So you got to be up late.

That'll help you. You were not solo, right? You were with people? No, I was, yeah. I found a chick to go with. Yeah, you got to show up in style at that place. I wore a suit. Did you?

Yeah, I wore a handmade suit. I'm Molly with your broken teeth and a nice suit with a pretty girl on your arm. What a night. Dude, the last time I took, I think it was the last time I took Molly. But. What? I was moving. And I was.

Molly to move? No, I didn't. Well, I didn't really take it to move. You just took floor drugs. We were moving the couch. And we lifted up the cushions before we moved it, and we just saw it uphill. And it was like 7 a.m.

You knew what it was? No. Wow, roulette. It was like 7 a.m. My roommate's dad was coming to help us move, and we were just sitting there staring at it, and he's like, take it. Take it. I was like, fucking fine.

All I needed was one voice saying that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Appalachian roulette. And then next thing I i knew it was like 10 hours later i was driving a u-haul down starro drive which is not where you can be driving a u-haul in boston oh yeah it's tiny right yeah i like somehow hit it perfectly where there was another exit before there was a a bridge like in starro drive in boston there's a lot of bridges that are like 12 feet or something really short and basically every august someone will crash a u-haul into it yeah and i we were

on the we were on star road he was like you gotta get off like i can't get off until we have a fucking exit dude um but i think uh moving on molly is out of all the things in the world to do on molly it might sincerely be the last thing moving is just the last thing you want to do in the world so it's also it's gonna delay you every time you see anything that's memorable you're like oh yeah what a fun ticket that was i went to a move with my friend god i gotta call him it ended up honestly being it wasn't it makes it better i woke up really hung over it was 7 a.m yeah it gave me a lot of energy probably you woke up to get the move go oh that will get you started like the night

before the night before it was fucking uh bud light are you up for it so we had to do like a barstool ad where like we had a party bus and we were driving around boston walking into bars being like yo you want a bud light you up for it and they're like what are we doing like you just gotta get on the bus and find out that's fine and we had a sweat we had a suite at i think it was justin timberlake and jay-z did a concert at fenway so we had a suite at fenway that we're taking everyone to but we got fucking destroyed and i had to move the next morning luckily Molly saved it wow what a good you're up for yeah I got some drugs at a nightclub in Berlin and some guy was like you want this and I was like what is it goes I actually

don't know somebody gave me like 12 of them I just bought him and I was like and he's like take it it's like all right it and man I was having such a fucking blast then I saw him later I was dancing I never danced except when I'm on performance enhancing drugs I was just going nuts by myself and I saw him I was like dude Molly

he goes oh ok good to know dude Molly dude speaking of Timberlake did you see that clip of him performing with the NSYNC guys in the crowd? No. I thought this was crazy.

He was on stage at an arena or whatever, and Lance Bass and JC and Joey Patone. They just came? And they were just there, and Timberlake's dancing and shit, and he sees them, and he's like, you guys should have texted me. While he's singing and dancing, I just thought that was crazy. That would be weird, no? Oh, yeah. Like, if we, like, split up and...

Yeah, let's go. But then, like... Aren't we still friends? And then I just, like, went to your comedy show and, like, didn't say anything. Like, I didn't even say, like... I didn't hit you up for tickets or whatever, but I was just like, hey, man, like, you're in my city or I'm in your city, like, I'm gonna... I'll be at your show tonight.

And they went on stage. I actually... But, like, he sees them. He's like, what the fuck, dude? Why didn't you fucking text me? Now it's awkward. You saying it like that, I intentionally don't tell people I'm going. Like, I've seen you.

I've never told you I went. I kind of agree with that. But then you can't. They're like front row. Front row. And then he sees them. Yeah, you can't see the front row. It's like, if you want to sneak in and sneak out, I do understand that.

But they're like in the spot where there's. You don't even see it. Like, when you zoom out, they're like right there. They're like right there. There was like 100% chance. maybe this whole thing's fake cool but it was like your gun yeah look at that they're like right fucking there yeah i've seen i like i've seen you like five times i never told you just go like i don't know because i'm not gonna ask you for tickets and then like i know you're doing stuff and you're like you know on the low

asking for tickets is the cheapest thing in comedy it's no skin off our back oh you mean like it's okay to do it it's free for us oh I thought you meant like it's cheap for people to ask

no I mean if I if I don't barely know you it's like hey a friend's friend wants this I'm like you're making me send a text

and what's his name and then sure but also like I'll do it with my friends like hey my sister wants to go see sure no problem

see I always I always think like if I'm good friends with them I like hey my sister wants to go see she's like sure no problem see I always I always think like if I'm good friends with them I know you enough it's fine it's just like save two tickets I think that

and if they're like we're sold out I'm like get him a seat someone will know show you just get him a seat he's cool I think you're probably I might be like

hey I gotta run right after my spot to my next spot if it's in town so I'm like I can't stay but sure I think you're probably a minority

though I am minority look at his profile baby I think who do you think what got a bigger nose yeah

Yoni Feidelberg that guy sucks I changed the first thing of it too I called him like Shlomo for us

and I was like and somebody's like did you know first, and I was like, and somebody was like, did you know you're Fidelberg? I'm like, oh, maybe I did. And I changed the first name to Yoni, short for John. Well, you know, because I don't know if you did it intentionally. It's not right before the final closing bit with Fidelberg. But no, no, no, but like kind of right

before the closer, you're talking about your man pawn. So you might have done this unconsciously. Just give us like 20% of the whole fucking... No, I made Feidelberg shorts.

But the first title of the special was going to be Feidelberg. Oh, shit! I didn't notice that! I asked him about shirt sizes. I'm like, what's this going to be?

Hell yes! Bro, it's going right up on the fucking thing. I was legit. I had it as my title for a while, Feidelberg. Because I thought it would be like Nanette. I was like, what does that mean? I'm like, you'll know when you get to the closer. And then Vecchione was like, that's two Jewy things in a row.

I'm like, fuck. So the last minute I changed it. That is sick. Close soccer, bad breath, one under. That's my birthday. And then my date but of the year in the holocaust that uh bergen-belzen was liberated he didn't make it i was telling friends about it and i was like you gotta watch ari's new special like the closing bits about like how feidelberg sucks i was was like, it's really funny. And my friends were like, is it funny, John?

And I was like, yeah, no, like Ari and I are friends. He's doing it kind of like he's joking. It's an ancestor Feidelberg. And they're like, are you sure he's doing it because he's joking? You're saying he says you suck? I was like, I guess there's a chance Ari's like, this guy can't take a fucking hint. Now that you

say it, maybe he was fucking with me. That would be unbelievable behind the scenes. Ari's like, this guy can't take a fucking hint. Now that you say it, maybe he was fucking with me. That would be unbelievable behind the scenes. Everyone's like, that dude from Barstool sucks. And we can't get rid of him. Let's lay it on as thick as humanly possible, man. Who wears purple? He dresses like an aunt. I love also the Vecchio like like complaining that or pointing out that stuff that Ari does is Jewy like. Yeah.

No fucking kidding. Was there any feeling we were saying that Jew was so good and so you and kind of in a weird way. Very. Like a culmination sort of. Yeah, yeah. It was a lot. So far from the end of your career. Was there any feeling of like it's going to be hard to top that?

Like I was saying, maybe you should have just done Jew 2, Jew 3, Jew 4. Have the candles every time and just like it was so good and so perfect that it's hard to get away from it. Yeah, 100%. I was like, what am I going to do? I actually asked this guy I got in touch with, this guy Ragnar Karlsson. He's an artist. Me and Adrian just randomly saw a piece. We were looking for a Yayo Kusama piece.

And then we wandered to this. And it was like blown away by this video art piece. Like blown away. Like crying. And then looked it up later. And it was named as the best piece of art of like in like a 10-year period i was like oh i'd never heard of it icelandic so my friend the whole icelandic art scene music movies stand-up art it's all sponsored by the government

they're all friends with each other so small he goes i know that guy and he's doing another exhibit at the met do you want to go i was like yeah I want to go didn't meet him or anything then he randomly reached out to me about someone else no fucking way did you post about it or anything no I did not

no way so it didn't exist totally coincidental yeah and I asked him and I was like hey man so this thing the visitors was

I said I saw it I loved it so much I mean it spoke to me I was like did you have it I was working on this special I was like did you have it I was working on this special I was like did you have any issues

with like any feelings of like I'll never do anything that good again and he was like yeah for sure I knew I nailed it

I didn't know what I don't know if I'm gonna hit it it's like a blessing and a curse to nail it but then you have to deal with the fact that you nailed it

I'm like I have to follow this up even the set design I was like my director reached out I was like what do you want to do I'm like I mean all eyes are on us.

Yeah, but you do it. There are 800 candles. Yeah. That's crazy. Abortions cost two times at $4.25 each. So kids would have cost a lot more. So with that savings, I put it into $85,000 worth of plants. 85 grand.

I said, dude, we either got to do something better or just a blank white screen. Yeah. Well, you got to go one way or the other. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, 100%. That's a good question. Yeah.

I mean, it's like it's a burden to raise the bar on yourself kind of. Yeah. Obviously, you want to do it. But once you do do it, it's like it's kind of like having a good season, too. Like in sports, it's like some people expect it. It's like I got to hit 40 a year every year now, or I'm going to be considered less than? I thought I was just going to do one year of roids.

Yeah, Brady Anderson. There's a dude on the Mets. You watch Pete Alonzo? Yeah, Pete Alonzo. His rookie year, he had 53 home runs. It was the juice ball year, but he set the record, had more home runs than Aaron Judge, and has just never got back there

and i think it really fucked with him like he's had good seasons 35 40 home runs whatever but like he just that's crazy who doesn't have home runs and stats that's great that's so it went from you know 53 to home runs 53 60. Okay. But, you know, 37, 40, 46, 34. Those are good years. Those are all. You know, 34 is, you know, you're talking 20 homers less than your rookie year. That's a problem. 40 he got back there, but still his slug percentage was way lower.

But, you know, so he comes up. He has 53 home runs. He is the rookie record. And Boris, at that time he didn't have Boris, but everyone's in his ear. You're going to be a $300 million man 200 million minimum you know and then he just starts to decline decline decline now he's a free agent he turned down 158 over seven somewhere in like the 2022 range wow and there's like no market for him now and it's it's just got to be the most the biggest mind fuck in the world 17 and 20 and 2023 that's that doesn't cut it anymore

and it's like he you know he's good but like the you know 78 the mets are like here's like 70 million over three and he's holding out and it's just like i but you know then it's like shifts your brain bro so you're gonna get 70 million dollars but when you think you're waiting at 300 and you thought you were gonna be a hall of fam of Famer and go up your rookie year, this shit's easy. I would like to see a Mount Rushmore of turning down contracts. Like the Kaepernick pulling out of that last year deal because he can test the market. Never played another game. That was not a good idea.

Kaepernick. Who is the? Dennis Schroeder. Dennis Schroeder. Yep, that's exactly what I was thinking. This one's real bad. Four years, $84 million. He got $5 million. This one's real bad. Four years, 84 million. He got 5 million bucks.

Woo! Woo! Wow. Dude, that kind of shit would haunt me for the fuck. Why didn't he get anything? Did he get injured or something? He just didn't play well. Wow.

He just didn't play well, I would think. I think it was the Celtics he went to, right? I love that people are like, always bet on yourself. No! No, but for real. You need an agent or family or friends or whatever to be like bro like you've been declining every year like you probably so you were never a big name to start with so this is all but like pippen took a long contract when he signed

before the rookie contracts were set and he goes i'm playing in like division two i'm not a known guy i want to make sure my family's provided for. I might get injured. And they did. Then he became a top 50 of all time guy. And he goes, I'm being underpaid. Which is true. But you took the deal. You're a fucking female soccer. You took the deal.

You get the financial stability when you are a little bit risky. I'd rather be in that second category than the straighter category. Totally. Oh, yeah. Because at the end of the day, you are still talking about like. Yeah, I made a shitload. 0.01% money. Evan Longoria had that. at the end of the day you are still talking about like yeah I made a shit point all that money and then Longoria had that yeah He was one of the successful gave up like five or six years of

Like arbitration and all that shit for a big is like I think it's like ten years 80 million I've been long for you fucked everything in Southern, California Fucked everything are you just saying this you know I know I am Eskimo Brothers with Evan Longoria. Probably more than I know. At least once I know, probably more.

Evan Longoria slings dude. I love there's another world where Evan Longoria is going, Ari Shafir fucked everything in Southern Florida. I think he grew up in SoCal, if I'm not wrong. Otherwise, why would he? That's really fucking funny.

Where is he from? He's from California, I think. Downey. Yeah, there it is. There it is. It makes sense. Story tracks. Is he your most famous Eskimo brother?

Interesting. I mean, there's got to be some. You got one? I don't have one that comes to mind hold on there's gotta be there's gotta be

um I don't trust you when you reach down I mean for sure a lot of guys in comedy Shane's pretty famous I don't know

I don't know if I'm Eskimo Brothers with him though you could be Eskimo Brothers with like a random buddy and then one year goes by and now you're Eskimo Brothers with one of the famous

most famous people on the planet right Evan Norman norman's more famous than evan longoria no no no i don't think so no tim dylan and i've doubled these days it's close some twink imagine fucking somebody with Tim oh my god talking about losing your boner he's gotta be a nightmare in bed yeah just the most demanding bossy bitch out there I bet he eats while he fucks but only caviar

yeah who could I be I don't think I'm Eskimos with Rogan there would have been a possibility a long long time ago no no think i'm eskimos with rogan there would have been there would have been a possibility long long time ago but no no like uh uh waitress or yeah who jeff ross jeff ross yeah but he's not is he more famous than evan longoria i don't think so yeah again these days it is like no one knows who the fuck evan longoria is anymore in this room right now, yeah. But like, I don't think Evan Longoria is.

And also on the other side, you know, Mark Norman's on Rogan every fucking five minutes now with you guys. So where we see somebody's specific fan base, like here, this guy's way more famous than in another region. They have no idea. Yeah. Yeah. Nate was saying he was going to do somebody's podcast. I'm like, who's that? He goes, the host of Good Morning America.

I'm like, yeah, I don't know. Is that show still on? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To you, that means literally nothing. Nothing. somebody's podcast like who's that he goes the host of good morning america i'm like yeah i don't walk right by that guy i have no clue yeah i actually i think i saw a clip of the show you're talking about because it's nate talking about how he didn't make his high school basketball team even though his dad was the coach yeah it's very funny but i recognize that guy i saw him fat and slow why would he make a better than that he was on uh i think it was skanks yeah and he didn't make like the football team no are you garbage he didn't make the football team and and he said he was in a class of of 56 kids yeah yeah it's like half of them are girls yeah the other like, how did you not make the team? Some guys had to go both, play both ways. How did Skankfest get you not to make the team?

That means no subs on certain positions. Yeah, Nate, I believe, is the only and will be the only person, comedian, who has done both Skankfest and SNL in the same week. He rushed from Skank fest to snl rehearsals and that snl was the it was when bam uh vandy beat bamma that's right i'm having a good week he had to say on stage he's like vanderbilt just beat bamma i was like that must have been quite a moment yeah he is on a he's on a tear went to that one. I went to the Yankees playoff game. Me and, fuck, it doesn't matter.

Who do you think is on a bigger ride, Shane or Nate? Certain worlds. Each one of them is more famous. But they're both doing like. I think you can make the argument that they're like. Yeah. Right there. They're playing only arenas. Nate will do two in a night.

So ticket sales, it's Nate. Wait, two in a night? He does like a four o'clock show and a seven o'clock show. Shane can't do a four o'clock show because he's not awake. Dude, two arenas in a night is nuts. Someone told me that most

comedians, when you sell tickets, you're selling two at a time. And Nate sells six at a time because he's selling to families. Well, the best is Lewis's tour name. The Please Bring Five People Tour. It's so great. It's so great.

82 million. And he's still dressed like a Tasha Ho guest in 1987. Sport jacket and t-shirt. Grow up, Nate. 1.1 million tickets he sold. is a lot of fucking tickets you must hate your family i mean yeah when you're bringing like your seven-year-old you know you could bring like literally anybody that yeah from your grandma to your elementary school age kid you know damn i know a lot of these guys who's that Burt Burt fat ass Christ

you're tripping me dude Jerry Seinfeld what was that so Nate sold five times the tickets that Jerry Seinfeld sold

wow do you think do you think that like um Joe Coy's a surprising one but I know about it but no one

rates him yeah do you think where am I on that list? I was going to say, where's Ari? It sold over 13,000 people this year. What's sick is that it's a great year. It is great. These guys just turned into

rock stars. It's hard to stay in positive when you're going up and they go like that. And you're like, are you okay? I'm like, I'm doing well. I'm in the nicest apartment I've ever been in. And friends go fuck you say that in the special to you like are you sure if you're the most the least successful all his friends yeah that's not something that bothers you right now I just but I'm aware it's a thing my friends but Joe's like if you buckle

down a little be successful I'm like joe i'm so successful and i'm freer than all of you i'm freer than all of you yeah we have talked about that before the fact that you can just pick up and go to the amazon and do whatever the fuck you want is you can't put a price on they're making fun of me one of them was like bought like a super sick vacation home in another continent and they were like you got to come and then like burt was making fun of me he's like all right so when you sell out shows ahead of time you can buy real estate. And I was like, this is really funny. I'm literally the only one with enough time to go visit them.

You guys have this money, and you can't go visit your friends. So fuck off. Shane's making fun of you for whatever. And you're like, I can order a Miller Lite if I want right now. I am legally allowed to say, then whatever you got is fine. Whatever this bar has, I can fucking drink if I want to. You I'm legally allowed to say then whatever you got is fine. Whatever this bar has, I can fucking drink if I want to. You know what I love about... Shane does have a...

He's the only one of those guys that still has this level of freedom. And actually Nate. There's actually a lot of them. I take it back. But what I like about a guy like Shane is like all the money, all the success,

everything in the world. But right now, like if you were to clown him about Notre Dame, it would cut him to his core. As long as you're an irrational fan and one of the guys like us, you are vulnerable till the day you die.

You know what I mean? There's no amount of money that can make over the fact that Notre Dame just got whacked. If you don't hit him with trash talk, if you hit him with like, damn, that might be the only chance you guys get. You're never gonna get back. Something really that hits your core.

It's so rare, especially with this playoff system, it's so rare to even go. I mean, do you ever think that might be the only chance you guys get. You're never going to come back. Something really that hits your core. It's so rare, especially with this playoff system. It's so rare to even go. I mean, do you ever think that might be it? I feel bad for you. Would you ever do, I feel like Dave has done it here. I think Dan's mentioned it at some time with Wisconsin. Who's Dave? Porto.

Oh, okay. Has mentioned like. Has Etel been here? Like, huh? Oh, Etel, no. I don't think Et tell has ever been. He wouldn't be on this podcast. I wouldn't be.

We like one time, like he was like, I can do like right now, like Thursday, like five minutes from now when we weren't available and it was like, that was our only shot

to ever get a tell. They've all done this what? But they are all like helping the NIL. Do you have any like connection to Maryland that you'd care enough to do that?

No. Good memory though. I didn't even know Ari went to Maryland. Yeah, go Terps. Go Terps. Those who know, know. The Jets were looking at the Maryland head coach at one point. I was like, this guy stinks at Maryland.

Yeah, exactly. What the fuck are you doing? Oh, yeah. No, I wouldn't help the NIL. I don't donate to my school. I don't donate to my high school. That's going to be a problem. Dave is going to buy.

Well, Shane said he wants to do that too. Michigan. They won. But see, the thing about... Yeah, Shane had a fundraiser for the NIL. Shane will benefit personally. You can really...

It's like an investment. Dave will make his money back with T-shirts and just like shit if Michigan's good. I mean, he built Barstool on the Patriots being good. So going back,

if you could be like, what if I told you in 2002, 2001, whatever it was, you could like invest and somehow make Tom Brady happen. I helped him.

Yeah. And then I'm making money off the story. Yeah, yeah. It's like actually business for him. So he could probably get taxed right off on top of all the benefit from it. it is going to get a little messy if that's it's going to get messy if you don't have a bat shit it'll be like super packs where did kanye go to college

yeah yeah all that go to college toronto u is going to be a fucking player i mean that's all it is also it was before by the way it's who got paid the most and now it's like we can do it on the level now yeah well now it's yeah now it's like you can access a guy like you used to be a couple crazy boosters. And now there's just a million. Do you see Shane fighting with that cheater? Yes. My God. Cheaters get so mad at being called cheaters.

Wait, what was it? Some old man from fucking the South. Some old cheater man from the South. I waited a week to text Shaneane about that because i was like i genuinely didn't want to be a prisoner of the moment but i thought about it more and i think you calling saban alabama jones is the funniest thing i've ever heard alabama jones he was not in the mood to laugh no i mean is he ever knowing sheen too like because i i feel like he's gotten in a couple of those where he's like because he goes hard yeah his jokes go hard to

people like what the fuck's that supposed to mean like i'm joking around right yeah but you're saying things that are like he knows he's like i'm joking but it's like you know you're saying shit that's gonna cut someone down i just saw a clip of him uh making fun of bobby kelly i don't know when i was from uh somebody uh oh it was like do your best uh retard voice and shane did and they were all like you win i guess it was like his was better than bobby's and bobby was like yeah but you got the face to go with it and shane goes shut the fuck up bobby you slug and bobby started to come back at him he goes you don't want to do this you don't want to do this because you're going to become bobby the slug you're going to be bobby the slug if i do this and he just had all of a sudden had

the whole crowd chanting slug slug slug and it was like you're now bobby the Slug if I do this and he just all of a sudden had the whole crowd chanting Slug, Slug, Slug and it was like you're now Bobby the Slug because Shane just will fucking put you in the ground yeah that's funny he'll say stuff like what would have happened do you ever wonder what would have happened if you never had a kid and changed the course of your life and maybe you would have gotten more success he'll like say something like

what the things you're already thinking about shut up man where's the second level on that joke? It's like, what the fuck, dude? Is there a punchline, man? You just stated. Oh, I mean, when he's doing it with Tommy and Chris on Stuff Island, too, they're just. I mean, when you're close and they're your friends and you know everything about them.

He's just so mean to them. What is... These shirts are available at arieschapierre.com. Are they? I only made 30 of them, though. There's another shirt on there, a State Positive shirt.

I made a lot more, but there's just 30. That's a collector? Hurry up and get it. I had to make these fast because they're being printed right now, so these aren't as quality. But still, they're cool.

When I realized, I was like, I am saying fidelberg's name i changed it was shlomo fidelberg i'm like no no okay i'm so happy you went with yoni that was a full homage sorry about the phone dude we are even steven when you uh going back to how like everybody else is like exploding like uh do you think like the the seinfeld was a good example he sold what 200 000 tickets do you think if 198 it's not round up is there a comic from that era that if they were in their prime in this era that you think would be even bigger than the Rogans, the Shanes? Would Seinfeld at his peak in this kind of podcast, the golden age, be even bigger than those guys?

Or do you think it's as big as it gets? So it would have to be. Good question. These are two good questions. I saw, who's the guy who fucks everything in music? And he was friends with Chappelle. Wadis of Wonderland? John Mayer.

Homo. Homo. Homo. Just knowing John Mayer's name. No, I did not. I'm not dead. I'm not a homo, bro. But I asked him a question. Somebody goes, what do you see when you play?

And he goes, I say, damn, man, good question. Because I've never gotten a question like that. He goes, I see shapes. And I was like, whoa. somebody goes what do you see when you play and he goes i say damn man good question because i've never gotten a question like that he goes i see shapes and was like whoa and it was like and he just stopped again he's like that's a good question yeah two good questions what was it oh so they'd have to be a good at podcasting right seinfeld's not a riff yeah so it wouldn't be him yeah but also sebastian's not on a lot of podcasts. He's massively successful. Yeah. Gabe's never on podcasts.

Massively successful. So maybe necessarily you don't need to. But someone who's good on podcasts like Shane, Mark, they're both in Elevated by it. Big time. Yeah. Tim, who would be from back then

that would be so good now? Like would Eddie Murphy be a bigger? You know what? Geraldo would probably be fucking big. Eddie Murphy, yeah. He'd be Geraldo would probably be fucking big Eddie Murphy Yeah he would He'd be doing arenas Cause him and Dice did them then

They'd sell out multiple ones Yeah Uh Dane would probably be even bigger Dane Cook Dane kind of was He was really humongous Yeah

He played arenas But he already Dane Cook a podcast You think He would have back then Yeah We had him on like 10 years ago and i wouldn't say it was great yeah we had him on like once you already got a big head sometimes i bet you guys get this

a lot where somebody's like what am i doing here and they take it out on you instead of actually jumping in and just like make the best of it man i don't know i don't know it's not good no but you're kind of you're kind of right in this and like most like i would say in the last few years, I kind of fell out of love with interviews. And I think it was because we started getting such big guests that it became more of a talk show vibe. I always use you as the example. You're one of the only people who will just come through. I mean, I know you're promoting right now, but you'll also just come through and just talk. Well, I have a good time with you guys.

But also, in fairness, I knew you guys before I, I really had much going on or just at the beginning. So, so it's like, so it's like, I'm not like, yeah,

I just, I have fond, fond feelings of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like those podcasts I'm always going to keep doing.

I would hope, yeah. Views or no views. You guys get views too, but like, it doesn't matter. It's still like, this is fun

and I don't know yeah i don't know but that makes total sense to me and i i feel the same way but i do feel like a lot of people view it as like also you're going on a big press tour next next i was in uh jfk i think and they're like we're my friend had the lounge with a plus one i was like okay we're hanging out there at the delta lounge somebody comes over like, just so you guys know, Kelsey Grammer's coming in in a few minutes to give a little speech. I was like, what? And they go, Kelsey Grammer,

they're celebrating a partnership between Delta and Paramount Plus. And you could tell, I see him wheeling. He's on one of those stretcher things. He had a broken leg. He had to go on one leg. Yeah, yeah. And you could see him. He's coming in. He's he's like hi but he could just see on his face like why did i agree to this yeah like

kelsey it's in your contract did the wire five of their option we're making a lot of money right and it's just six housewives that bothered like going over to that part of the delta lounge we were like no i'm not going over there i passed by on the way to the bathroom once i was like um do you ever hang out with the people from Frasier? Good question I just felt bad for him I just felt really bad for him He doesn't want to be doing this

I can't believe how many people do stuff they don't want to do Once you've made it Have you ever done something You absolutely did not want to do? No I learned early on. Diaz told me, he goes, you got to start. Once the podcast exploded, he goes, say no. Unless you're friends with them or they're big, say no.

You're not driving to Irvine to do some guy's podcast with 200 views. It's not worth your time. Yeah, right. So if you want to help out a friend, launch one. Or if it's a fun one or something really big. Yeah. I just think that I like doing podcasts. If you like it, then fine.

I think other people view it as work and promo. It's like, well, yeah, if you go there and you just have a – like you said, if you went and you don't make the most of it, yeah, it sucks. Yeah, you get in a mood. Just go and kick it and have fun. We used to always talk to people who drove us to radio on the road. It's like, who's like a diva? I don't want to know who's nice. Yeah, he's an asshole.

Somebody with boogers on their seat like i'm like that's my car it's not a company car what are you doing that's just yeah and the people who just didn't want to do it they were the bitchiest because like they're just mad they're not selling out yeah but there's certain radio stations even on the road that i'm like oh you've already sold out i'm like no no but i haven't seen that guy in a while like get me in there they helped me out when it was time and it was a fun one yeah i think it's important to I'm like oh you've already sold out I'm like no no but I haven't seen that guy in a while like get me in there really so you'll go to morning radio on the road yeah they helped me out when it was time and it was a fun one yeah I think it's important

to remember that like if you blew up doing somebody's podcast or whatever like and then you get big I feel like you should return the favor yeah Shane coming on to Legion of Skanks right after hosting SNL right just going I love you guys right I can say and do whatever I want here.

I'm done with that. Now I can do it. I couldn't do it the week before. Too much to lose. But it's already out. Can't stop me now. Who's most justified using the n-word thing? Not now, guys. Just not this week.

Wait like 72 hours. I saw a clip early this morning. A dude got in a car accident with the Uber driver. Airbags and everything. It was a bad one. And the Uber driver was like, dude, can you say you were driving? I don't have a valid license. Wow.

Would you do that for somebody? Someone I knew. Not an Uber driver. Fucking points. Fucking what? You get points for fucking what you get points for your buddy though points are no fucking joke I've gone to court

four times I have another appointment another court appointment in like a week I'm trying to kick it down the road I'll hop in the seat

if you're drunk for sure I'll hop in the front seat the punishment is too much for you but you have to but we're gonna talk about the points

and the money coming back to me it's also like you gotta pay for my insurance every month now. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, it's not just like a one-time sum. We're tied together pretty much for life after this. We need to live together. You've got to pay me back in all sorts of ways at that point.

You've got to be good friends with somebody. But for a drunk, would you do it for like, are we good enough friends? If I was drunk, would you take the fall for me? Drunk for sure. Me and Bobby Kelly went to Cuba and this guy was telling us about crime there

and stuff like that. And he goes, there's just not much. It's a totalitarian state. This guy, Kurt Kaz, made a video of some hookers there and they went to jail

for 15 years. He just thought he was making an influencer video. He didn't know. He was like, what? He went to jail for 15 or the hookers?

The hookers. So it's just not worth it. So this guy, the one we were staying with, said, I got robbed last week. And he goes, it was my fault. I was drunk. And his wife's like, I know you were drunk. I fucking, you better tell him that. And it's like, all right.

He goes, I was drunk. But some guy grabbed my, now the problem is he put his hand over my throat. And his friend came in and did it. So now that's stealing with violence. He goes, that's 15 to 20 years. And he goes, I want my phone back. But the police were like, can you describe? And he goes, no.

I'm not sending someone to jail for 15 years for a phone. Really? It's honorable. There's no way. So if you're going to drunk driving, no fucking way. But if you're like, I've already got some points. I don't want any more. I'm like, buddy.

Come on now. Don't hit somebody. I told you to slow down yeah yeah yeah you're a good friend man how many times have you lied for a friend when they're in some level of cheating hey i was with you yesterday goodbye and like waiting for the call you're like yeah i feel like that's like a trope like Like you've seen it on shows but that's real. Yeah. I told my friend was this an ex? It was an ex.

Brian Redman. It was an ex. It was an ex. He's like hey I gotta change my shirt take a picture of us at the Santa Monica Pier and post this

one in like tomorrow saying I'm with you. Don't post anything for today. Like he knew he was going to cheat. I need to'm with you don't post anything for today like he knew he was going to cheat i need to be with you tomorrow no you gotta if you're doing that shit you gotta stay one step ahead because those girls man they'll in this era with all the tools they have and the apps at their disposal and the websites they can use you need to be three steps ahead because they are at least

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Like even before reality TV show really had its revolution. And the Joe Schmo people had the idea to be like, what if it wasn't a reality show? And only one person thought it was, and the rest are actors. And now in the middle of this, you know, reality TV show golden era, Joe Schmo is back with Ben, who was our unwitting, unsuspecting hero who thinks that he is just involved in the most ridiculous reality show ever competing for $100,000. And unbeknownst to him, he is surrounded by a bunch of highly skilled comedians and actors who are all just trying to trump it up and make it as ridiculous as possible

while this guy still continues to think that he is actually competing. It's one of the most audacious ruses in TV history. It's a social experiment that embraces the hilarity of the game. They have over-the-top physical humor. They got action packed moments and all sorts of pranks that they take to a new height. So check out the Joe Schmo show out now

on TBS. It was like in season 3 of Sex and the City when Carrie takes the big wife to the hospital. Homo. No, I'm watching it now. It's so bad. I'm watching it now for the first time.

It's so bad, but I also can now, because I just watched this episode, reference specific episodes and girls are like, what? You're watching it solo?

Solo, yeah, from start to finish. Wow, that's insane. Just to be able to talk to chicks? It's so fucking bad. It's such a bad show. Is it really?

It's so badly written. It's such a bad show. Is it really? It's so badly written. It's clearly written by homosexual men about homosexual men. And they're just like, let girls play it. It's so dumb and bad. They're so obvious. I see the jokes coming a mile away. Like, I say it out loud. And I'm like, word for word.

And I'm like, God, damn i i've heard from like friends i trust all girls but like like it's so good and i've always thought about watching grew up on it and they always say steve they say steve's the best character he's a soft boy he's a soft boy and they all go steve is a great character he's the best man on the bunch you like steve for your girlfriend. Not one of you would date Steve. All of you say, my girlfriend should like Steve because you don't respect your girlfriend and you just think she dates losers and you

want her to date a winner, but that's not something you'd be attracted to. Admit it. Wait, which one is Steve Mr. Big? He's the f***. Bleep that out. Bleep that out. On tour now that's Steve

that's Steve farewell tour he doesn't make the decision it's Steve he's such a soft boy he's like yeah he's this is my impression

I don't know I just thought you don't want me around I'm not successful like you I just don't know what to do everything's a fight with him god damn he sucks dude I remember watching that

in high school I'll tell you what for a show you dislike you're very passionate about it the fact that you're watching this, I remember watching that in high school. I'll tell you what, for a show you dislike, you're very passionate about it. The fact that you're watching this is crazy. I watched it in high school with the first girl I was ever having sex with. Yeah. And that's why I was watching it.

And even then, I was like, this sucks so much. And it was very much a means to an end. And I was like, I'll do it. But man, even I know this sucks. One thing makes sense to me now. So that redhead chick that dated Steve, who became, I think the... Isn't she like a political? Yeah, I think she might have been

the head of SAG for a while. I might be wrong about that. I think she was a New York senator. Yeah, I think so. Or a New York congresswoman. And she was just a bitch to every man. And it didn't make sense. But now in hindsight, it makes sense

because they changed her character to her real life self. She's a homo and she's gay and so now you have this lady who has to date dudes when she's not into dudes

of course she'd be mean she's the only character that makes sense an in the closet homosexual woman who's got to date bad men of course she's cunty

dude you need a series of Ari Reviews Sex and the City 25 years old that is unbelievable The first show ever With a cum shot You what?

First show ever First regular TV show With a cum shot Somebody was getting A happy ending If I believe If I remember correctly And you see it

Kind of like Like a whale Popping out of the water It pops out of the bottom Of the screen Wow If I'm correct Yeah

Yeah that one's like Oh maybe not Maybe it was just Somebody getting cummed on. I don't know. You just remember it as the cummed on. Your mind filled in the white. The other guy from fucking Californication speaking of. Yeah, he was in that.

The one chick is ugly. The other chick's ugly but pretends to be hot because she was hot when she was 21. The hot chick is that girl. She is hot. And then the old she was hot when she was 21. The hot chick is that girl. She is hot. She is hot. And then the old lady's hot for an old lady. And then Sarah Jessica Parker is, guys, look at her again. I'm not talking about L.A. Story.

I'm talking about, look at that Jew fucking, she looks like a Halloween costume. What the fuck is that? Zoom in on Squadron two four that is a fucking ugly horse face bitch she has a schnoz to fucking she should do only 3d movies to be honest look at that i mean you become a jew that's a fucking attractive person what What are you talking about? I'm renaming that bit. I'm going back in and editing it. Yoni Clancy. That's, I mean, not like, yeah, that's a hot person. She has clear skin.

Nah, that's someone you would like hit on at a bar, but like you wouldn't like real, you wouldn't go like, I'm going to go talk to that girl. It would just happen through booze. That might be the meanest thing ever said you're so plain a drunk guy would eventually stumble into you yeah your pussy is i might fuck the redhead over her no also she never showed her tits she's the only one who never showed her tits you think you're better than that we had to look at your fucking gross face all you did was make up everything we had and you couldn't want you always fucked in a bra you're a sex columnist take your fucking bra off let him at least fill me from behind

this guy is tortured by sex in the city by his own volition just stop watching i'm trying to relate to women tyler perry's next what's your show like you could be watching so many other shows i know you ever get caught in a show that got bad but you're stuck on it oh yeah oh yeah walking dead i'm like and then eventually you gotta make a decision no i finally was like season 11 like this has been bad for five years still on i know it's still on i'm like i'm done i'm done i'm done i'm freeing myself i almost shameless i did that and i and i still liked it but it was like season seven or eight i was like i think i got it I was like, I think I got it.

Sometimes they're just keeping it going for the money. Oh, yeah. 90. Dude, any show over five seasons is about the money. Yes. You know what happened? That's why I love Breaking Bad was like. Stayed good till the very end.

Wrapped up nicely. Six feet under. And if you look at season five is actually like season four part two. They made an agreement like we only have let's say 20 more episodes and they were like we want you know three more seasons whatever it was they were like let's break this up so that it's just two more season we'll give you you know they negotiated kind of the episodes because there was only so much actual content left so that that's the way you got to do it anything Anything beyond that, you have to be telling a wildly epic tale to be like seven, eight seasons in.

Also, look up Sarah Jessica Parker, bad pictures. Looking ugly. Do that. That was like a perfect poster. You know when you're looking up somebody's Instagram or whatever, you're like, I want to find the worst possible, the morning shots. Because that's really you. The rest are filters. What was it?

In Failure to Launch. I was like, that's a rocket launcher. Who? Failure to Launch. The movie she did withew mcconaughey and she's in that she's in it i thought she's high in it you're probably gonna disagree oh now she's dolled up no go back one uh go no no no oh no up to the back no rewind rewind the clips. Whatever. Rewind the clips. One more. One more. Okay. That one.

Third one. That's it. That's it. That's who you're waking up next to. Yeah. Old and gross. Just poor Jessica Parker has been out of the game she's outdone herself she's gonna wake up tomorrow

and like some Google Alert is gonna be on her name and she's just getting flamed she has two years of not she has excelled she's like the midget from fucking

Game of Thrones when you were born the possibility of what you could have become you launched past it same with Luis Gomez too you're a Puerto Rican whose father got stabbed

to death in front of you. The odds of you making $100,000 in your lifetime are slim. Let alone running a company. God damn. Yeah, she excelled. She's fine. But, yo, you're ugly. I sure am.

But I'm in a lovely field. I'm in a lovely field. I'm in a lovely field. Yeah, that's true. I'm not in a field that... No one runs around saying that Ari's hot. Yeah, no one is. No one is. Every girl's ever fucked me.

I'm like, what are you doing this for? That's crazy what you're doing. Isn't that crazy that everybody has sex? That's crazy. Really, when you think about it, only 10% of people even have sex. I like the idea of groupies, and there's different groupies. My old podcast used to ask anyone in any sport or theme, like, what are the groupies like in here? And there was a pro bowler I had, Tommy DeLutz, comedy fan too.

And he was ranked fifth in the world at some point, made $34,000 that year. Getting that bowling pussy? Made $34,000 that year. Yeah, yeah. It was one guy, Payne Weber, got money, and everyone else just slugged by trying to hustle, and the internet agent couldn't even hustle. They were like, I know who you are.

I let you out. Yeah, yeah. The groupies there, it was like mother of two, some level of addiction, and they would come to Fontana, to the places where they played, and then just wait for people. No way.

Bowling's got groupies? But they were somebody who just liked to fuck bowlers. There was a UFC-type groupie, and they looked like fake stripper look with the white lipstick. You've got to be nuts to just roll up and fuck random UFC guys. You're asking for it, man. That could be a tough fight, bro. Yeah. Back in the day, sometimes at thenery store, you'd see like, just

like, you know when you meet a woman who's, we're tangential to Hollywood or to show biz in some way. We overlap once in a while. And you see some girls like, I mean, it's like, you talk about a nine or a ten. We're talking about our nines or tens. Then you see someone legitimately a nine or ten. You're like, it takes your breath away yeah you pass a model on the street like a swimsuit model and it's like you lose your train of thought for a second you see him live and i

saw one of those girls coming down the front steps of the comedy store i'm like what the fuck and then every time i've seen that it was like four or five different times it would just be dalia steps up from tying a shoe like let's go's go. And you're like, right, right, right, right, right. There it is.

He fucked a level that was like, wow, wow. Dude, I remember, I did, I did, we're here to help podcast

that Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds do. I did a commercial with Jake Johnson. Oh, really? A long time ago. A great guy. Before he was famous. No shit. Yeah. Does he was famous no shit yeah does he know that like what do you know like i believe he'd

remember just because i went on to some level of i bet he comes up like i think i know that guy yeah jeremy renner also real and i saw jeremy renner at 7-eleven and he was already a movie star then he goes oh it's a barry i'm like ah you're cool no way i thought jeremy renner i would i did not have renner pegged as a cool guy no renner jake johnson coke zero commercial damn where would it be ari videos no i already made this up we were spraying we were like test tasting coca-cola versus coco zero we were shaking it up and spraying it in the guy's face and he goes again again giving him fucking cum shots but i was saying it because

i when i did their podcast i walked out and in the waiting room was a person who came out and just put me in it yeah like a level of attractive that i've never seen i was just like yeah i think i don't know who that is but that's a person and it ended up being rachel bilson after but i was like i remember seeing her and being that's why it's so fucking funny. Like when the internet will be like Margot Robbie's mid, it's like, bro, if Margot Robbie walked in this room, you would be. There you go. That's not him.

No. Yeah. That's not him though. That's him. Wait, was that you on the right there? Yeah. That's so fucking funny. Good find.

What year was that? 16 years ago. Ari Shaffir, YouTube. Oh, yeah. This is a big win for me getting that. Yeah, that was huge. Dude, you looked ridiculous back then. I looked ridiculous.

That hair. It's crazy that you look less dewy now. I had this whole outfit for so long. They put me in this, and I was like, do you want to buy the outfit? Sometimes they can do that because probably Coke's there all over. We can't return it. And I was salty for half price. They're like, no, it's okay.

They're like, you sure? Professional wardrobe people are saying this is what an IT looks like. And you're like, oh, yeah. I booked 20 commercials with this. Yeah, those glasses made me a lot of money. Great tidbit, man. You're going to want this. This is basically, man. You're going to want this. This is basically a costume.

You're going in for IT. No way. That's crazy. And you would just go to an audition like that or send them a tape like that? Yeah, it's a knit tie.

And they're just like, yeah, whatever, that's all we need. Oh yeah, play that one. This is a commercial I made for myself,

Doritos, the red kind. You made it for yourself? Yeah, go back, go back, there, no, yeah, that. Let's see how this came out. Doritos the red kind you made it for yourself yeah go back go back there no up yeah that see how this came out did it in Ecuador I wasn't paid for I mean the brand Doritos. I mean Doritos, the red guy. Doritos Flaming Hot is your flavor.

Or maybe Doritos Ranch is your flavor. But the reality is, that's your favorite. I'm going to talk about Thornton Party. Maybe you go to somebody and say, hey, Doritos Flaming Hot? You know one friend. You know one friend. That would be like, ah, no thanks. I'm not just taking the Doritos red.

Case in point. Hey, you want some Doritos, uh, dinamita? That guy. Doritos also suggests, you have some water on you. Because getting up to go to the kitchen, it's a fucking ordeal. Maybe Doritos is even bad because it's not healthy enough.

Doritos says, get some fucking fruit. Hey, what's your first plan of eating? commercial. It's a great backdrop? I just made it up. I didn't get paid by them or anything. That was a pretty good commercial. It's a great backdrop, man. It's awesome. We had a game show. That's me too. Okay. Subway commercial.

We'll make it one way. How much do you get paid for these? It's residual. So if they never play, you get 500 bucks. That's the end of it. If it plays, the most i got was like 40 50 grand over like a two three year period that's pretty sweet though yeah and you never know yeah and i'd be at a bar once in a while when it plays on an a spot which is like any network show um you get

paid that rate one time friends or like the wayans brothers same you know it doesn't matter how popular it is and you'd make 170 whatever170, whatever it was, the rate. And I was at a bar once. I saw my commercial play on a game. And I was like, what channel is this? Like NBC. I'm like, round. It was so cool.

It's awesome. That is great. That's very cool. I mean, that's a great little gravy train if you can get on it, right? Yeah, I was on it for a while. I was on it for a while. I did a lot of good ones. Were you trying to be an actor or you were no it was just it was the so in new york the the way

comedians low-level comedians would make money is dog walking um in la it was substitute teaching or or commercials yeah yeah you were out in la so i started in la one of those things 12 years commercials makes kind of sense uh Dog walking, anybody can do. Substitute teaching is fucking wacky. Bro. I don't know. Because you have kids, right? Yeah.

You don't got kids. No. You send your kids the test to be a substitute teacher. Bro, if Ari Shafir was my kid's teacher. Brother, during the test, I was bored from how easy it was. Yeah. I couldn't even finish. I was tuning out.

It was like i mean it was like sixth grade education i'm sure to be you just got to be able to open is there anything more disrespected in the world than a substitute teacher good question i feel like though like when you know when you're a kid you walk in you see a substitute teacher it's like this is a piece of meat that we're gonna tear meter made gets disrespected by adults but not the level that all the kids all the kids you mean nothing that is bring the fucking tv and shut up we tried to make them cry do we have the test can we like pull that up the c-best the c-best test i remember that that's it so you you did it i did

it yeah i passed i i never did a class. Oh, you didn't? Okay. I was just going to say that nobody ever asked you. That's a question. You are subbing for XYZ High School. When the bell rings for the class, what are you supposed to do? Like start teaching the appropriate answer? I probably – It's a little open-ended. Wait for your students in the doorway of your assigned classroom.

Yeah, it's like duck because they're throwing shit at you. Don't cry. Which of the following are not role responsibilities? You just read all these. So you just read the whole thing. It's a paragraph. And then you got to remember it

a minute later. Yeah, this is some dumb shit. Yeah, nobody respects them. And they shouldn't. Well, now that I know, especially I used to think that maybe it was like aspiring teachers or something. Now that I know, it's just like some shithead comic who is trying to make a buck. I think he got like 160 a day. It was pretty good.

What a great movie. Remember that movie, The Substitute? It's with like a Liam Neeson type guy. It's not him, but he's like, yeah, that guy. He's like an undercover cop. And he goes in, but he's like, yeah, that guy. He's like an undercover cop and he goes in there and he like, the kid, you know,

it's kind of like a dangerous mind sort of thing. All of a sudden, for some reason, the kids are like involved in crime and he fucks shit up.

You would love this. Tom Barringer. Mission Impossible? Tom Barringer. You would fucking love the substitute. He had a bigger name than you'd expect too.

Yeah. Where do you know Tom Barringer from? I feel like he's in Mission Impossible at least like Dead Reckoning or something like that. Oh, Major League

is what I know him from. What was he in Major League? He's like the main pitcher. Oh, the old guy who's trying to make a comeback. Yeah. Are you a big movie guy?

I can see you being one and also hating movies. I used to. I was studying like film in college. You did? Took my focus for English major. Yeah, I used to love him. I don't go enough You did? That was my focus for English major.

Yeah, I used to love them. I don't go enough anymore, but I still like going. You like going? I go all the time. You go all the time. I like going. I was saying I'm going to New York. There's so many cool theaters, so many cool movies, and no one fucking talks to you, Adam.

It doesn't get better. He just discovered the new world of going to movies alone. It's the best. I think it's one of the most important moments of at least a guy's life. I don't know about girls. When you realize you can. With guys, you think you're a loser. It's such a loser dork thing to do. When you flip that switch, it's like...

It goes from like, oh, you can't find a friend, you can't find a date, to like, I can. I just didn't. I just don't want to. And now you can go see movies that aren't maybe popular at different times, pop in. For me, it was Spider-Man on the way home from the old stand, walking down 3rd Street. You remember the movie, you did it.

Yeah. And it was like, walking back, this movie plays 1115. I was like, yeah, fuck it. Dude, when I went to it. That's the nice part of New York is you're walking by a theater and you're like, what time is it? You know they play it like 1, 3, 5, 7. You're like, oh, I'll wait 10 minutes and go see a movie.

Fuck it. And there's second runs. You see like 2001. It's like they're playing it on 70 millimeter, 35 millimeter. You're like, okay. That's something I haven't gotten into yet. I'm mad I missed the interstellar thing. Like Owen does that all the time.

He'll go see like classic movies. I'm like, that fucking, I should do that. The grainy. There's a couple theaters that do that all the time like he'll go he'll go see like classic movies i'm like that fucking i should grainy there's a couple of years i do that all the time yeah i was available the most one of the most depressing pathetic things i've ever done was i uh it was like fresh post-divorce just like living alone i went to a like a 12 15 midnight 15 showing of uh cloud atlas the bread the brad pitt you know i'm like a space guy, so I was like, this movie's going to be awesome.

And I was kind of sitting around, and I was awake, wide awake, and there was a midnight showing, and I was like, why not? I can't, why not? And I couldn't believe I wasn't the only person there. I was like, there was a couple others, and that movie sucked so...

Wait, no, no, no. Just go with it. I think it was just Atlas. Yeah, just Atlas. Atlas Shrugged? Atlas brad pitt that movie sucked i don't know that fuck what was the word it's something like that dude brad pitt space movie that movie sucked dick wow and i remember being like well whatever i'll just be here till two in the morning. Yeah, fuck it. Who cares? If you have enough money. I'd be watching TV.

Yeah, if you have enough money and you just kind of went on a whim, you're like, I'm going to leave. Yeah, yeah. You can't leave when you're with somebody. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of movies I would have walked out of that. Ad Astra, I believe, was produced by Brad Pitt's film company, which is Plan B Films. So bad. They do some great movies but they do like mid

mid-level mid-budget movies so it's like it's actually one of the only or not only obviously is that why they call plan b like yeah yeah but like it's it's they do a lot of the movies in hollywood that are like mid-level that you don't know about do you know what a mid-level budget is i was gonna say is troy a mid-level it's 10 to was going to say, is Troy a mid-level? It's $10 to $100 million. That's crazy. $10 to $100. $10 to $100 is like... Anything over $100, like full-blown blockbuster. I don't want to fogey myself.

You just got like $10 to $50 maybe. Yeah, I don't want to fogey myself, but when Waterworld came out, it cost $100 million. $100 million, I remember that. I'm like, wow. That was a thing. That was like a $100 million movie. That movie stunk, too. Fever Pitch was...

Oh, that's mid-budget. $10 to $90, sorry. No Country for Old Men. Wow. Malcolm X, because they didn't have to pay in full rates do you know forrest gump 2 was going to come out but 9-11 happened that was what stopped it why was he one of the pilots tom hanks planned it dude um the dude let's go conspiracy theories about why it happened uh the dude who wrote it said, because I think there is a book, there is some sort of Forrest Gump sequel already out there,

I believe, or a script or something. And he said after 9-11, like, it all felt trivial. If you have something in the works and then it gets sidetracked for some reason,

it almost never gets picked back up. I actually can see that. Yeah, so if it got pitched in 2003, it might have happened. Oh, okay. But it was already that. Yeah, so if it got pitched in 2003, it might have happened. Oh, okay. But it was already sort of,

they're talking about it like, we don't want to do this right now, and then it's like, I guess it faded away. Someone else has the rights, it's done. I don't know if this is true because it does sound a little bit like a Bill Burr bit. We were doing the dog walk the other day when we talked about this.

I was told that the script got submitted September 10th. I don't know if that's true or not. That seemed a little too timely. I had a friend who was in LA, and he was one of the first guys that we had that got a development deal. He went to Montreal Comedy Festival, and everyone's trying to woo him to go over there.

And I was like, what happened with that meeting with Wilson Gray? And he goes, got fucking delayed because of 9-11. And I was like, what happened with that meeting with Wilson Gray? And he goes, got fucking delayed because of 9-11. And I was like, buddy, don't make that take out loud.

You can say that to me, but don't ever say that to anybody else. I get it, but like, just say it got delayed and be that pissed. I was saying though,

I mean, imagine, you know, if you just include 9-11 in the Forrest Gump movie. Yeah. He was just there. I said,

Forrest Gump's on Flight 93. Let's roll. Let's roll. Sequels that just take parachutes out. Let's roll is pretty good. Should have gotten more. I love you guys. Still need a Barstool comedy.

It can't just be this show. I tried. I tried tried many many times porn or what do you hold on i got it what are you frightened of bro why are you so scared i remember and i remember bringing seriously bringing to stefano to him and uh casually talking about shane yeah and the response was like we don't need any more funny white guys. We've already got those. And I was like, I promise you we don't have these. We have casually funny conversation guys.

We don't have these. They would still be that kind of loyal that we're talking about. We'll also go to certain clubs that I wouldn't do. I'm like, no, those guys always treat me right. I'll go back to certain shows. Shane was like, once a month I'll come in and record an episode yeah you know you'd have like the biggest guy in the world doing it next time next time we have a multi bajillion dollar conglomerate that's porno spit out the fucking pizza also that's not one bite i've seen videos that's six bites at

least on the at least mid mid alright well we appreciate you coming through as always man yep yeah I like to sleep America's Sweetheart on Netflix

you need a fat bag for that I'm on tour right now no I made less than my budget for that wait how does that work they have these rental deals

they gave you the budget no they say we're gonna rent this for this set amount of money and then your budget's whatever they're they're incentivized netflix incentivizes people to put out cheap shit they're like oh you should put out cheap shit that's really without saying personally for the for the production yeah and i don't put out cheap shit so i make less than

they pay me and then oh wow yeah um i don't know why i was just saying america's sweetheart reminded me did i name this special too America's Sweetheart I have a tweet with 3.1 million views that says Ari going viral as America's Sweetheart I was going to bring that up Fidelberg might have come back

from the dead to name my special after all you might have put it in my head I think it was like set on the show wow yeah it might be that might might have put it in my head because I remember I think it was like set on the show wow yeah it might be that might be where

it got in my head from I am the muse for this whole goddamn special yeah you are I would say give him some money but it's not making any

you don't want to be a part of this it's losing it's hemorrhaging cash John dude you gotta come you gotta tell me next time you're coming

to the show I gotta get you free tickets we gotta make the stand pay. Hey, you got a t-shirt, bro. What's 50% of a losing proposition? That's right. You owe me $3,000.

Hey, you're right. Let's do it. You just get a DUI. I'll pop in the front seat. Great stuff, man. Thank you. Yeah, good job. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.