KFC Radio - Ashton Kutcher || We Finally Got Invited to Barstool's Big Game Week

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

- You can just say "no" - KFC got flown on a private jet and then went to the Big Game - The Wheels Up party is pretty cool - Feits's all time text from his grandpa - Ashton Kutcher is the best human on this planet - Feits accidentally went to a 16 year old's birthday party - New Rules For Behaviors - Which Level of Basketball Player are you picking? - Video Voicemails - Ashton Kutcher Interview ++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:01:57 You can just say "no" 00:09:04 KFC got flown on a private jet and then went to the Big Game 00:16:36 The Wheels Up party is pretty cool 00:21:53 Feits's all time text from his grandpa 00:26:15 Ashton Kutcher is the best human on this planet 00:37:01 Feits accidentally went to a 16 year old's birthday party 00:58:48 New Rules For Behaviors 01:19:18 Which Level of Basketball Player are you picking? 01:25:58 Video Voicemails 01:40:19 Ashton Kutcher Interview ++++++++++++++++++++ Whistlepig: Click the link to buy our KFC Barrel Allbirds: Discover your perfect pair at Allbirds.com today Fitbod: Get 25% off your subscription or try the app for free at fitbod.me/kfcYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I'd have him wrapped up! He's tapping out. Like, nah, dude, once it's out, mama, once it's out, I turn back into a pumpkin. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. It is Super Bowl edition. Arizona. Arizona.

This is our eighth. Oh, I wouldn't even have a guess. I would have guessed five, though. I mean, you've been to more than me. I've been to more than you. Have you, though, actually? Maybe not. Because I remember the Patriots have been to more than me.

Patriots fans. Because I remember guys, Dave and Hank, went down to... Yeah, those guys have been to like a thousand. Pat Seattle. I started going... Houston might have been my first one. Yeah, so we're probably at the same one. So what's that, 2014?

Yeah, but we skipped two. Right. Because of COVID and one. So what's that, 2014? Yeah, but we skipped two. Right. Because of COVID and shit. So like six? Six. Let's call it six. Six. Yeah.

And usually, it's funny. So Miami was obviously dope. But other than that, it was like Houston, Indy, Minnesota. No, Indy, you went alone. Oh, right, right, right, right. That was a wild story. I'll tell that in a second. But all the places we've gone. Houston, Atlanta, right, right. That was a wild story. I'll tell that in a second. But all the places we've gone.

Houston, Atlanta, Minnesota, Miami. This might be our fifth. Yeah. I don't know what happened in between those other ones. No, because it wasn't 14. It was like 16 was Houston. 15, I think. Anyway.

Whatever, yeah. Anyway, is this your guys' first Super Bowl? Yeah, so this is the gang's first Super Bowl trip. The people at Barstool were like, only you and John can go. And I was like, no, absolutely fucking not. We don't know how to do any of this shit. Could you imagine if it was just us? Look at this.

We wouldn't do shows this week. It's fucking ridiculous. And they were like, okay, then only Nick can come. And I was like, no, the whole team is coming. They were like, okay, Nick and Jackie can go. And I was like, no, the whole team is going. They were like, okay, Nick and Jackie can go. And I was like, no, the whole team is going. They're like, okay, Nick, Jackie, and Pavs can go. I was like, yes.

We got there. We got there. It makes me wonder how many things, and this applies to not to everybody in the world, but a lot of people. Like, this job is obviously unique, but it's like they tell us things us things and then i was just like no we're doing the opposite of that and they were like okay and it makes you wonder how many things

they just like cross their fingers and hope you say you you agree to yeah you know so like whatever your job is like everything everything like like just expenses and and things you can and can't do. Like driving sober? I'm like, no. That I like better. I was thinking about the world of employment. I like expanding it To just life in general

Yeah Everything is a suggestion Everything Like no No I'm not doing that No Dude I often think about the

Cause like We talked about this before actually When you think of like Like when I was Growing up Like when I was probably like 18 17

When I started going to bars 17 to like 25 Like It went like Marines Like, when I was probably, like, 18, 17, when I started going to bars, 17 to, like, 25. Like, it went, like, Marines, Green Berets, Navy, Air Force, whatever. And then right below them was bouncers. Bouncers were cops. Yeah. Like, now a bouncer tells me anything, I'm like, I'm a polite gentleman, so I'm not going to be a dickhead. But you're basically like, go fuck yourself.

But I'm like, no, I'm not going to do that. I don't want to do that that yeah dude just so many things like like you gotta you gotta think about when you genuinely don't care about something and you're like no no i'm not doing that you know like you're you're so confidently or yes i'm doing this whatever it is when you really don't give a fuck you're just like i don't care who you are and what you say so i'm gonna do what i want you should just do that with life yeah and definitely do it at work because what you realize what you realize eventually is that everybody is is faking it and everybody is acting like they're more important than they are yeah and then when they get called out on it they're more important than they are. Yeah. And then when they get called out on it, they're just like, oh, shit. Okay, fuck. Sorry.

Dude, I actually saw... So just fucking... The amount of people who get like... And everyone's guilty of it. I'm not saying like, you know, nobody's immune to it, but like you're afraid of your boss or you're afraid of your superior

or you don't want to ask for the raise or the promotion or do whatever, you know, like just fucking do it or say it. And they're probably just going to go like, okay, fuck. Well,

I don't want to fight about it either. I was hoping my higher position would take care of this situation. Seems like it's not gonna kick the can down the road or, or they're like, well, I've been getting away with this guy's been like agreeing to everything I said for like 10 years straight. So it was a good run. And yeah, I guess you can do whatever you want now.

Dude, I was thinking of a story. My uncle was like in the summer. He actually had the best setup ever. He told me a story before where he would be a lifeguard on Horseneck Beach, Massachusetts. And again, a position of power. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he would be like, dude, I would just fucking take beers all day. Where, like, he's like a car would roll into the parking lot with a cooler.

Oh, like you would steal them from kids? A cooler full of beers. Like, he was the same age as everyone. Right, right, right. But it was like, he's like, look, give me six. We'll call it a day. I don't fucking care. He's like, I'd do all that.

And then I'd go to my next job where he was a security guard at fucking um i think it was called great woods at the time the xfinity center or whatever yeah the comcast center it's been a bunch of things but um in mansfield and and he's like i was a security guard there and i would just sit on the hood of my trunk and drink beers and like and i he's like and in both places i was a respected person yeah he said he said like a feared person. Yeah. He said what he said. Like a feared person almost. That's actually a great one. Fucking lifeguards at the beach.

People will be like, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, we got to get in between the flags. Why? Because that guy with a whistle said so like that like that guy is some sort of fucking professional like ocean marine biologist who's like that kid is 16 hung over and just like right get in between the red flags that way i can reach you if you start drowning otherwise you're too far away right there's just so many people in life that you should just say no i'm doing it my way it's fucking people in your family, your parents. For so long, you just do what your parents tell you.

Eventually, you just be like, no, bitch. Dude, I remember, and I obviously learned that no was a valuable word for me at a young age. Clearly. When I got to Mondays. Yeah. But I remember I was much older this time, but when I was sitting in the dark,

I might have been drinking a beer. i was in that beer range i probably like you know 18 you can kind of start having a beer on the holidays i was probably like maybe 18 to 22 something like that and i was sitting like in the dark it's not pitch black but like you know like lights were out and it was getting ready for christmas eve mass and uh my family family just yelled up to the living room, John Henry, time to go to mass. And I just went, great one. No. And you said it like that.

Like if you could see yourself in the mirror, you were like, no. No. It's Costanza. Yeah. I didn't know her. All right, we'll see you at the house later. I was like, I want to see you at your aunt's house later. And I was like, I want to see you at your aunt's house later. I was like, yes. And then it's like taking the red pill in the Matrix, whichever pill.

It's like the world just changes all of a sudden where you're like, I'm going to do this for everything now. That is a fucking great one. Everybody say no to Christmas and Easter mass now. I want everybody. I want all the chicken heads to go atheist and just say no. You don't think I'm doing it. And you know what? Do it with your fucking husband and wife too.

Like, hey, we gotta go to the you know, your cousin's friend's baby's christening. No. What do you mean no? I mean, I'm not going. I don't know those people and I don't give a fuck about their baby. Oh, and by the way, I hate the Catholic church mean i'm not going i don't know those people and i don't give a fuck about their baby oh and by the way i hate the catholic church i'm not going and then what then you get a divorce but whatever you know like then then you say yes i want to get

a divorce yes but the the the lesson here today is uh just do what whatever you want because because whatever you think is just do whatever you want. Because whatever you think is probably stopping, whatever you think is stopping you probably isn't. That's the lesson, kids. Are you guys, like, jacked up for this? Is this a big deal for you guys? I was pumped. I've been to one Super Bowl when I was, like, eight. But it's different.

We don't even go to the game. Every year I tell people I'm going to the Super Bowl, and then they like wow what's it like i'm like oh no i leave on saturday and everyone's like what the fuck i'm like oh i don't i to be honest i have no interest i went so i went to the super bowl i went the only thing that could top this would be a jet super bowl i went to giants pats round two and um i mean i've told this before but it's probably been many years since i've told it so even if you have heard it it's been a long time i was uh what year was that 2012 12 13 like round two yeah it was 07 and 11 with the team so it would probably probably would have been february 2012 2012 so um i believe at that point the bar out in Montauk, the Sloppy Tuna, had opened up that summer prior.

And they were making waves because they were, at this point, Montauk was still like low-key surfer town, a little bit of partying. Now it's like Sloppy Tuna got replaced last year. Yeah. With like a joke so sloppy tuna came in and they and others but i think sloppy really like brought the fucking party vibe and this guy who owned it was like a real wall street shyster like like why is there's up there with words that sound racist that sounds like the other one that you know like what's the other one shy there's a oh yes okay maybe that's why that's probably why you're thinking it yeah um he was he was like i think he was like one one rung above madoff like really

grimy dude i think he actually actually i know he bought bernie madoff's house slippers at his like estate sale he went the shilling road with it? Yeah. Yeah. I was like, this is something. He's like your idol. So this dude, he came in hot for the summer. He's the guy.

He flew me out to Sloppy Tuna on a helicopter with me and six of my friends. He gave us one of every single thing on the menu. We partied there. He took us out on his boat all day. We partied at Sloppy Tuna in the evening. We did the... Did you ever do the goldfish races? I have not done that one.

Dude, goldfish races are awesome. It's one of the most fun gambling things you can do. They have these tubes that all mix and match. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you have five of them, and you drop a fucking goldfish in, and whichever one gets to the end Is the winner

And people could bet and stuff And it's like You feel like you're Like Frank Reynolds In an underground Like Vietnamese gambling ring You're screaming At goldfish in two

You're banging on The little thing It's almost like Marble racing kind of Yeah yeah yeah So that same dude And he was paying me well This was back when like

We were making bar money On the side So he was like You know He was making a rain just to post on the website. And I was like, this is amazing. Anyway, he then hits me up for Super Bowl. And he was like, in the summer. Sorry to interrupt real quick. Yeah.

What was the demographics that you bring for your friends? Because I heard you go down the boat and all that stuff. Were we going you and five bros? I brought Caitlin. Okay Caitlin and then four dudes. Four dudes? Yeah. Like four of my closest guys. Yeah.

We got in a fight that night. Literally can't win. I remember being like, are you fucking kidding me? We're fighting tonight? It's like, we just got off a helicopter So anyway this guy says I'm taking you to the Super Bowl He told me that in the summer And I was like alright I don't know whatever man

Super Bowl rolls around He takes us On a fucking Like when I say a private plane I don't mean like a private jet It was a fucking, like, when I say a private plane, I don't mean, like, a private jet. It was a fucking plane that he rented out private. Like, it held, like, 200 people. He got, like, a 747.

It had rows of seats. That's weird. And it was, like, a bunch of Wall Street people. Oh, but he filled them all up? Not all, but a lot. Oh, okay. He probably took, like, i want to say i mean maybe this doesn't make sense like i don't know if he got everyone a ticket or what maybe he like

they all sort of had their own tickets and he flew them i don't know but i think it was like 100 people that's i remember the fucking so so man these two guys what do we i uh i had to make up a nickname for them when i was telling the story back in the day i think i went with like patty and uh patty o'shamus it was patty it was these two irish brothers were on the plane and they got rocked and uh we were flying out that day it was like flying to indianapolis flying back that night we're getting on a fucking like 747 uh with like no rules and uh they were so hammered on the plane before we even took off and he was yelling at the stewardess i remember him going like yeah why don't you see the stewardess said something like shut up like oh the stewardess said shut your, shut up. Oh, the stewardess said, shut your clam. And he said, how about you open yours?

That's a good response. And it was like, these guys were blacked out before we even took off. And I'll never forget the stewardess, because they hired a pilot staff and everything for this fucking plane. Got on the little phone thing and was like uh ladies and gentlemen please take your seats contrary to popular popular belief this is an airplane and rules still do still do exist because like everyone was just like we're doing whatever we want so we fly there we get in a suite we watch the fucking giants beat the patriots again i was going like bananas as if like i was a full-blown giants fan and then we hop on that plane back and that was like con air i can't going home from that

that night i was like i was like scared i was almost like we should maybe just like get around like well that's one of those i would definitely i'd want to stay for the party and for all that i'd be like but also i'm a little fucking terrified about what's going on in that but we're fucking real dude like like the only reason like the people on like the white house for all that. I'd be like, but also I'm a little fucking terrified about what's going on in that place. For fucking real. Dude, like the only reason the people on the White House Cowboys survived is because they were professional football players. Yeah.

I don't have that kind of build to survive a fucking drunken flight home from a football game. I will say that it was, I think when we were boarding, it was like, I think people were missing the flight and they were running down the runway,

I remember, because you go on one of those fake terminals world war z style yeah but then it was like fucking when we pulled out of afghanistan people were hanging on to that fucking plane and everybody was like rowdy and wild and the stewardesses were like scared for their lives and then the whole plane crashed like the people on it crashed that was the only super bowl i went to outside of barstool every other time i've gone to the the week and then never the actual game um but i i just like this is one thing i feel like an asshole about like i totally take this week for granted for sure i was like this is like just almost a nuisance i'm like oh i gotta plan this oh we just got back to mansterdam i gotta do this i gotta fly out there and then i'm thinking like we i hear that we have a house with fucking field goal uprights and a basketball court and a pickleball court mini golf pool table

mini golf i'm like holy shit man maybe i guess it's time to remember this is pretty cool this is this is pretty cool so you're here saturday right i know you can't stay i the only thing i would recommend as someone who's done the full weekends the wheels up party is sick but it's not like it's sick people watching it's what's that what it's like like one of the like private parties that like our big oh wheels up like the company yeah i thought i thought okay no like saturday afternoon um at least that's when it was the one time i went but like there's just so many stars dude it was like i won't put my brother and my dad that year yes and i would whisper into benny i'd be like i'm gonna turn around turn around and he turned around he'd be like he would like hit steve smith in the head yeah it was like everywhere you know like uh not not gronk because they were playing

but like the gronkowski's and actually no gr Actually, no, Gronk was playing that game. The Gronkowskis were there. But it's just, like, everywhere you look is, like, a celebrity. I remember you, I remember thinking you repaid your father. I remember thinking this because, like, I think about, like, trying to repay your parents for, parents for literally money and time and effort and being an asshole for all these years. And it's almost impossible unless you can give them a boatload of money. But you took your dad to the Super Bowl. The Pats won.

Well, he paid for it. Oh, no, but you got him into the parties and shit, right? I got the tickets. I got the hookup for the tickets. Right, you got the hookup. So he paid more. But then it wasn't the most. That was so embarrassing. Because it was and shit, right? I got the tickets. I got the hookup for the tickets. Right, right. You got the hookup. So he paid more. But then it wasn't the also. That was so embarrassing because it was still like, this was like five years ago.

Right. And like, I mean, honestly, now I could do it now. But it was like, I called. So like, I call. I'm friendly with the crafts as we like, all of us are. And Dan helped me out. I was like, do you have any tickets? And he's like, I got you. And he goes, I'm gonna put you on my assistant. She'll take care of it. And I was like, do you have any tickets? And he's like, I got you.

And he goes, I'm going to put you on my assistant. She'll take care of it. And I was like, fuck yes. So sick. I got the hook up, man.

And I was like, what's your credit card number? John Feidelberg plus two. And she was like, it was like, I forget what face value were, but let's call them like, let's say it was seven grand.

Yeah, it was like thousands each, right? Yeah. I want to say it was that, because I think I remember it was like 21 grand. It was like seven grand per. Yeah's call them like, let's say it was seven grand. Yeah, it was like, it was thousands each, right? Yeah. I want to say it was that because I think I remember it was like 21 grand. It was like seven grand per.

Yeah. And I was like, what's your credit card? Motherfucker, I have a debit card. I don't know, I got a Red Bank of America card and I played it so cool.

I was like, you know what? I'm sorry, can I just, I'll call you back in like 10 minutes. I just gotta, I gotta go find the card.

I don't want to waste your time. Yeah, right. Played it cool. She was like, okay, Baroque bitch. She just gotta, I gotta go find the car. I don't want to waste your time. Yeah, right. Played it cool. She was like, okay, broke bitch. She was like, hey Dan,

you know that guy you want me to hook up? He's broke. But it was luckily my dad has my same name. So I called him. John Feidelberg. Middle initial?

Doesn't matter. Don't ask. But didn't, wasn't there like, but then yeah, we got him into the parties and stuff't ask. But wasn't there like... But yeah, we got him into the parties and stuff like that. And I think there was someone at the party that... It was me and the Gronks were shirtless wrestling. Yeah. And someone at the party with us was like,

he was just watching, beaming ear to ear. Yeah. It was like you and the Gronks wrestled. We were the only people on the dance floor. The chain smokers. And it was just me and like four shirtless dudes wrestling each other. That's your dream. It's the Pats.

It's the Super Bowl. You're with your family. You're drunk, and you're wrestling. That's like if you, when you die and go to heaven, it's just that on a loop, bro. Wow, like Olympus has fallen is in the background. That's a dream come true true man if you haven't gotten your kfc radio whistle pig bundle yet what are you doing you get yourself a bottle of our 10-year

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gameday23 for 15% off it's also a great Valentine's Day gift or any gift at all it's perfect get it for the game get it for Valentine's Day just get it I'm going to try and use a segue so we can come back if we have more to say do you have more to say?

I got just speaking of family I just got such an all time text I'm going to try and use a segue so we can come back if we have more to say. Do you have more to say? I think so. I got – just speaking of family, I just got such an all-time text from my grandfather today. I forget that you have grandparents. I got one. I got one. Yeah. And so he texted me. Is this Polly's dad or no?

My dad's dad. Yeah, dad's dad. Yeah. And so he texted me. I call him papa joe's my grandfather papa joe and so he texted me a picture of papa joe corner and it's like a street sign kind of deal and he's like hey you know one of my cousins found this picture found this street sign today just like funny yeah who you got in the super bowl whatever yeah yeah and i for i forget and i was like i was like yeah i'm heading to the super bowl, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I forget. And I was like, yeah, I'm heading to the Super Bowl right now.

Hard to bet against my homes, whatever. And then he gives me the etymology of the name Papa Joe. Okay. That's what I've called him my whole life. And he's like, and I'm the oldest of the grandchildren on that side, on both sides, I think. And he goes, you know, I remember when you were born and your mother asked me what I'd like to be called.

Yeah. And I said, Joe. And she said, well, that's insane. So you're going to go Papa Joe. But I was like, I even called my mom. I was like, I mean, his name is Joe. His name is Joe. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. And he so he just wanted his grandkids to call him Joe. I was like, can you imagine if I was a two-year-old being like, what's up, Joe? Like, imagine if I was five years old. Dude, my kids 100% do not know my grandparents' name. Like their first name? Yeah.

Oh, 100%. No way. No way. No way. I'll tell you. I don't. One of my grandmothers died when I was like three or four. You don't know? I don't. I mean, she's Mem, but I don't. Margaret. I'll tell you. I don't. One of my grandmothers died when I was like three or four. You don't know?

I don't. I mean, she's Mem, but I don't. Margaret. I think it's Margaret. Good shot. Yeah. Back then, you could be like Margaret or Agnes. Like, there's a good chance.

No, it's Pauline. It's Pauline. It's my mom's name. But wait. No, it's not, right? What's Pauline? What's Polly's real name? Polly's name is Pauline, I think.

Paula. Paula. Paula. Paula's my mom's name. No, but what was it? My mom's name is Polly, I think. Paula. Paula. Paula. Paula's my mom's name. No, but what would... My mom's name is Geraldine. Geraldine. Oh, Geraldine.

Yes, my mom's name is Geraldine. So that's probably what... But also it's Paula. Also it's Polly. But I was thinking about, like, what if I was, like, a kid and I was, like, hanging out at my friend's house and my grandfather came to pick me up and I was, like, don't worry, Joe's coming. Joe's coming. What up, to pick me up And I was like I was like don't worry Joe's coming Joe's coming

What up Joe This old man pulls in the driveway Like Who's that It's Joe Be cool it's Joe He's like He lives down the street from me

In this fucking big house Like we mean That would get so complicated Like when Like when When teachers would Like you know what I mean They'd be like

Is that your grandpa I was like that's Joe I don't know Is that just a random man Who takes care What are you an idiot I'm the They'd be like, is that your grandpa? I was like, that's Joe. I don't know. Is that just a random man who takes care? What are you, an idiot? I'm the kid here. I know that's fucking Joe.

He just didn't get it, or that's what he wanted? Oh, he's a very prim and proper man. Got it. He probably wanted me to call him Mr. Feidelberg, if I'm being honest. Dude, I randomly, my dad's dad, we called Grandpa Clancy. Yeah, but that makes sense. It's kind of weird to have your last name in it. It's a little – you went full-time, full tilt all the time?

I guess – I only saw him like very, very sparingly. So I guess when we did see him, I wouldn't say – I would be like – like if he was across the way, I'd be like, hey, Grandpa Clancy. But if I was talking to him, I would be like, Grandpa, what's... I don't know. Sometimes I would say it, sometimes I wouldn't. But that was kind of weird. I don't want to know weird. So after I reply to that text from Papa Joe, he hits me with this one. Your grandma moved to her new life seven years ago today. My grandma died seven years ago.

Moved to her new life. It took me a while to even figure i actually googled her obituary i was like february 6th okay that's what he meant death day yeah were you like like condolences i am the fucking joe this is all not going on social but i am the king of like knowing how to talk to people um like like give them what they want yeah yeah right and um this is right after ashton kutcher so i just had a big interview and was very nervous before ended up going great no doubt that was helping yeah that's a good one that's a good one that's what he wanted to hear for sure. Wait, is Ashton Kutcher on this one? Yeah.

Dude, Ashton Kutcher's on this episode. And let me tell you, take all of those lists of sexiest man alive or like who would you switch lives with, coolest Hottest guys. Top ten Hollywood celebs. Take all those lists. Throw them in the fucking garbage. Make new lists with Ashton Kutcher number one. And don't even bother with the number two. That's how fucking cool Ashton Kutcher was. And this is not prisoner of the moment. This is not recency bias.

He is genuinely my number one, probably now and forever. I cannot think of anyone who's going to top it. And the only reason we don't think of him as a number one is his own doing. Because he intentionally doesn't. That's why he's number one. Exactly. He would 100% be at the top of every list. If he wanted to live that lifestyle,

he won a fucking modeling contest. That's how he got into like the business. They were just like, yeah, you, you're now the face of Calvin Klein. And he went on his first audition and they were like, yeah,

you're on that 70 show. Like he is, he just tweeted at you. What'd he say? He said at eight 55, it's eight 55. You guys are a blast. Thank you. What did he say? He said, at 855, it's 855. You guys are a blast.

Thank you. Be still, my heart. I'm a little wet. Dude, that made my fucking day. He was awesome, too. He was, like, talking shit and, like, busting my balls. And if he wanted to just be, like, himbo mimbo, like he could have been. He could have just gone that route. And instead, he's a fucking biochemical engineer and he's fighting human trafficking.

Like, like all you know, yes, he's handsome and like a cool cat, but also like does amazing things with his life that he was. I always knew he was makes money I always knew he was smart. Makes money, like all of it. I knew he was a smart investor. I didn't know. He kind of gives us like his trajectory here. I didn't realize it was like I was a biochemist. Yeah.

I thought it was just like a guy who was rich who knew how to spend his money. He glossed over it, but he has a fraternal twin who had a terminal heart disease and needed a heart transplant. And he was like, I'm going to go into this field so that no one else ever has to do this. And we only had a half hour with him. Maybe, God willing, if there's a second interview where we can dig into some more of it. According to his Wikipedia, I might go on a limb and say Ashton Kutcher has the best Wikipedia of all time.

I almost told him that. It's like some people's Wikipedia is like they were on a limb and say Ashton Kutcher has the best Wikipedia of all time. I almost told him that. It's like some people's Wikipedia is like they were in a movie and that's it. His is like thorough. He almost apparently, accordingly, did some John Q shit and was like, I'll give him my heart. I'll kill myself and you can take his heart, which is fucking crazy. That is pretty good for a 13-year-old. Yeah, he was young at the time, which is fucking nuts. At least that was the age he said.

Yeah, who knows if that's blown out of proportion or not real, according to Wikipedia. But anyway, the inner... I've seen that clip. He said he's like, I was going to go walk him. Yeah, he was going to jump off a bridge, and his dad had to be like, no, dude. But just like the most selfless, cool cat. who am i to correct a guy as smart as him

but if if someone wants your organs if you want someone to have your organs i don't think jumping up a bridge not the way to do it no imagine if it was just like well you ruined the heart dude yeah you're both dead i mean he again he's a much smarter man than i he might know what he was doing um i think if you're if you're in the game for someone else having your organs, it would be best not to put them in a blender first. So maybe you're not so smart, Mr. Kutcher. I hope we're laughing about that, Ashton, if you're listening. Yeah, he's probably like, you fucking assholes.

One thing that is not on the interview, when he left the building, he got mobbed by a bunch of fans. And we talk about it in the interview, kind of like celebrity life and what it's like dealing with the rise of TMZ and social media and stuff. He was on the phone, walks out of the building, and doesn't even break his conversation and just lets these people fucking grab him, twist him, take a picture here, take a picture there. His manager's like yelling like, guys, come on, keep it moving. I stopped him at first. I was like, do you want to go out the back way? And they're like, no, no, no.

We're used to this. I don't know how these people even found out that he was there. And it's actually like pretty fucking horrible. It was like I can't believe that they keep their cool and do that all the time. Well, do you? Sorry, you finish. But, yeah, I mean, it was just like weird. There were weird people who were very, very into it.

And it was like, you've changed my life, and I love you, and it was all nice shit. But he's clearly on the phone and trying to go somewhere, and they're like, I'm next, I'm next. And it was just like, this is fucking bizarre. And that's Ashton Kutcher, who's got a low profile and keeps it like, you know, very under the radar. I can't imagine when you're like mobbed everywhere you go with that kind of shit. Well, that's why I'm glad you brought all that up, because the there's some hullabaloo. I don't know how to say I. I'm so sick of what people are saying. So, I don't know.

There's some hullabaloo around the idea of LeBron. That's the scientific term. Hullabaloo. LeBron said that, you know, there are parts of his life he regrets. He wishes he could go to get his name written on a Starbucks cup one day. Or he wishes he could go shop at Target.

And people are reading these quotes in type. I haven't seen him say them. I don't know what Tony was saying them in. And frankly, I don't think it matters what Tony was saying them in. I completely understand what he's coming for. He's totally entitled to feel that way. What are people's...

People are like, oh, poor billionaire, poor fucking sad rich guy. You can be both. Dick. He's like, yeah. Imagine if you were like LeBron, you can be living in your car again as a 15 year old or you could be the billionaire but okay i'm gonna be the billionaire yeah but

also in a perfect world i'd like to be able to like fucking walk down the street how many fucking rich people have we seen end up dead or addicted or depressed or in jail how many do we need before people realize that like it's not a cure-all it's not the best thing in the world it's not it you know what i mean yeah how are we still thinking that like money money fixes a lot of things but like it doesn't mean that you're and it's my it's my second favorite kanye quote um having money's not everything not having money yeah yeah yeah i mean the they're they're the feeling, I think... I thought you were going to ask me my first one.

What's your first one? I like Hitler. What? Got him! Got myself, at least. That's all I'm in the game for i'll hitler funny because it's fucking true man it's so wild that that all happened um i i think money like the the hardest thing i think the the biggest pressure in life is like worrying about money and then when that's

gone like every you know you can open up other doors and like a lot of shit can change but like that's that's really it you know and i also think it's just like yeah we all no one's envious or no one's sympathetic about lebron's wealth but you can understand his standing i had a tweet about it was like yo michael jackson rented out a fucking mall and hired people to pretend to shop just to be just to feel normal for a fucking day yeah just so as to know what it's like to go grocery shopping it's not like it's not look no one's arguing that lebron has the hardest life of all time but i do have some empathy for someone who just wishes they could go out in public one day you know it'd been really cool so if you don't know that story michael jackson rented out a mall specifically rented out a

grocery store though oh it was a grocery store i know i think yeah yeah but i think but like so specifically within that is a grocery store portion of his day okay and they're like pushing carts and they're pretending to shop and they're just not they're fucking actors and because you just wanted to know what it feels like what if those actors like just behaved in a fucking ridiculous way where it was like this is how it is yeah like like michael jackson did you know that like you have to throw your groceries like through a fucking you know this guy doesn't know what it's like to shop so let's just pretend this is what we do. Anyway, what drives me crazy about people who pull that card with the money,

almost everybody can – has – I would hope or imagine has experienced like I was young and had no money or I was dirt poor and now I'm making more money. But like my life is not necessarily better. Yeah. So just like extrapolate that. That's how it goes. How about this? How about you got recognized by someone you didn't want to see in the store and now they're talking to you all the time.

Only that everybody second of your life. It's every person you see ever. It's someone who's like, Hey, I haven't seen you since high school. How's things been? Right. Get the fuck away from me.

Imagine that. It's ten of them at once every second of your life. And they're asking for pictures. And you can't imagine how that would be bothersome? Or how about you have an annoying family member who takes money from you or bothers you or you have to take care of imagine everybody imagine all like it's just it's not that far-fetched it's like yeah all right he has a bunch of nice shit but remember when you you know you got that big raise and now you make a lot more money but you have a lot more bills and all that shit like that's just just a bigger

version of that i'm not i will not lose an ounce of sleep tonight for lebron james i will not cry for lebron james i understand where he's coming from when he's like i just wish i could go to a store one day i also remember when i was talking to christian yelich um like right after he got his big contract and i was like there's got to be part of you that's like i'm good man like i made it now yeah if nothing else goes right like whatever and he's like no it's the opposite now i have to live up to this money he's like, no, it's the opposite. Now I have to live up to this money. He's like, no, watch this. I'm in this shit.

They're banning this shift. My boy Yelly's going to be fucking back. You damn right, Kev. You could hear it in his voice. No, no. This is where it gets hard. You could hear it in his voice No No This is where it gets hard So

Alright We got We'll do some voicemails I got a few We got a few Yeah we got a few things We got One other thing I was gonna say

Is that this weekend Oh damn I fucking accidentally closed it So this weekend I I was out with Getting some beers with a friend On Friday night.

And we got texts from our other friends. We're like, hey, we're going to dinner with these older people who I know. Why don't you come meet us? And I said, I'm not going to crash. I'm with a high school buddy right now. I'm not going to crash at dinner. Why don't you tell me when you're going to get drinks afterwards? And we'll come meet you there.

We'll come meet you for the nightcap. They said, dude, it's fucking, you're not crashing anything. We're just getting drinks at the Hotel Chelsea. Like, we're just getting drinks. We're just chilling. Just swing by. I said, all right, I'll come. I walked into a 16-year-old girl's birthday party,

and I was like, when I said I didn't want to crash dinner, also implied in that was I didn't want to crash a 16-year-old girl's birthday party. We know Ravi Patel. We know his friends who produce and write. We have a bunch of people now who are in Hollywood who know this show. How is somebody not making a fucking show out of your goddamn life? In just the last two weeks, you have three fucking new episodes.

His cousin's friend is crashing and they have to end trips. He's going to 16-year-old girls' birthday parties by accident. It's his fucking season three episode. We're on season 10, episode three. Here we go. I actually even know the girl whose birthday it was, so I actually did

pop into the room to sing I Have A Birthday To Her. I do know, I say older couple, but they're not old people by any stretch of the imagination. They're just 16 years older than me give or take yeah and uh so at the hotel chelsea they do have this private room which is where the girl's birthday was and then there's a bar right next door which is where the adults were so i really wasn't crashing anything until they were like it's time to go sing happy birthday

and then we ended up staying in there a little bit longer and i was with my buddy and and that's where a real moral crisis moral quandary started i almost just need to preface this with like if you're a lawyer or somebody like this doesn't count okay this part of the podcast if you're in law enforcement bro i think this or child protective services, this is JK, all right? All right. So you're two adult men at a 16-year-old girl's birthday party.

And mind you, a couple of these girls were stoolies and took pictures with you. Oh, my God. Heavens to Betsy. So we're standing there, and in my head this none of this was an outward conversation no one would be foolish enough to say it out loud and but i was like gonna stare at the ceiling right now for this fucking segment i was like in my head i was like do i want them to think i'm ugly or hot because of the two of us there's one of us who's ugly and there's one of us who's hot as far as the girls are concerned.

I'm like, which one do I want to be? And I still don't know the answer. That's the moral quandary. My ego doesn't want me to be the ugly guy. Yes, your ego wants to be the hot dude. What part of you would say, just like the moral part of you? I guess I just don't want to be lusted after by children. Yeah, they're responsible.

Call me a hero if you must. What does it say? No, no. I think there's nothing wrong. If you ask the question, if you could have a genie snap your fingers, whatever you want to say, every room you ever walk in, everybody will think you're hot. You'd be like, yeah, fuck you. Yeah, right.

And then it's like, well, you just walked into a second grade class. Now what, bro? Tell those kids to get their mind out of the gutter. It's just funny that if you really think about it, there are times you don't want to be hot. Well, I don't want to be thought of as hot. But you want to be the hot one. It's actually 16-year-old boys. I wouldn't really care about their opinion.

But if I was, like, hanging out with, like, 7-year-old boys, I'd be like, I want these kids to think I'm cool. Wait, you don't care about the 16-year-old boys? You play sports all day? All day, guys. All day. I just play sports and video games. I watch TV. I have the best...

I have pockets full of candy all the time. Holy shit, he's got the best life ever. You're goddamn right I do. Tell your parents I'm cool as shit. No ice cream? We know ice cream?

We know ice cream. We love ice cream. I eat it all the time. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. You know when your mom says no? I'm on my second point. All I do is want to impress children. You really do. You live a seven year old's dream life

A dream life But that's specific It's that It's like stay up late Watch TV Eat candy Remember bedtimes? Not me

I don't anymore I don't remember the last time I couldn't tell you the last time I had a bedtime Guess what? I don't go to church on Christmas I'm just done with it I'm just done with it What?

Yeah Wear whatever I want Eat whatever I want go to church on Christmas. I'm just done with it. I'm just done with it. What? Wear whatever I want. Eat whatever I want. Do whatever I want. Dude, I wear hats for corn companies. Just get dressed. No one stops me. It's Halloween. I wear a costume

every day of my life. No one has stopped me in over 10 years, I can just do whatever I want I'm gonna be a blogger when I'm public No hang on a second But if now But if it was 16 year olds You don't care about their opinion

Or you think that they wouldn't Think you're cool 16 year old boys are little shits So they're gonna be envious of my life They wouldn't think it's cool though you fucking loser well so i hear i think i think you want the 16 year olds to think you're cool and you're afraid that they wouldn't and so you're saying i don't care what they think okay you're a fucking corn hat you idiot go to church yeah 16 year olds now are so lame it's like 21 jump street it, you know, they'd be like, what's your carbon footprint like?

But that notion of whether or not you want it to be the hot one. I think it's a reasonable notion. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I've been wrong before. Probably have it again at some point. I mean, here's the thing. You just don't.

I don't want them to be lusting after me. Like you said, I also just don't want to be't want them to be lusting after me like you said. I also just don't want to be the ugly one. Yeah, exactly. I don't want a crew of 16-year-old girls no more than I want a crew of 30-year-old girls, a crew of 100-year-old women saying, that guy's fucking ugly. Because you never want to be the ugly one.

Never. But also that means you're sitting there and going, hope everyone doesn't think I'm ugly. Exactly. Which is... I hope everyone in here thinks I'm hot. That's why everybody judging at home, you're in the same boat with us. Go hang out by a middle school and then tell me how you feel.

Walk a mile at the high school prom before you judge me, okay? Jackie, what would you do in a boys' room? I do think it's different with guys and girls. It also kind of reminds me, when I babysat these two boys, I would feel so weird because they would respond to me significantly more if I put on makeup. But then I was like, is it weird if I'm putting on makeup for these six- and seven-year-old boys?

So then I was in a predicament. So you got dolled up like it was date night to go babysit? No, I wasn't getting up like date night, but I would be like. It's a catch a predator here. Why don't you take a seat, Jackie? No, no, no. That's not what I meant. These kids, I would put on a push-up bra.

I'm wearing a mini skirt and they would listen to me all night long. Shouldn't have come on. Jackie learned the hit me baby one more time routine so the kids would go to bed. It's like I'm talking about like a little bit of mascara just when I like made myself

sure I wouldn't do it and I wouldn't do it because I felt too creepy and then they and then they would like be like shut up bitch. So so in that case in this in a room

full of 16 year old boys you would want to be? No, no, no. 16-year-old boys don't give a fuck about. 16-year-old girls give a fuck about. I want them to think that I'm cool. Yeah, that's. Right, that's what I was saying with the opposite sex is easier.

No, but you said you don't care about the 16-year-old boys. No, I care about the 7-year-old boys. Right. Right. God, but. We don't have to be as specific as we're being. We can say. We can say the young boy

never mind there's really no good way to do it um by the way your nose is like i i for so long i was like i don't see a difference and i'm happy you're happy but now i see the difference well thank you it's still swollen but people are so mean about it on social media people are like fuck them yeah whatever i'm gonna be mean about everything forever. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. No one would say it to your face like they would about your hands. Tanning? Yeah, it looks like you were wearing gloves.

Yeah, I fucked up a little bit. I fucked up a little bit. I noticed it when we were playing. Yeah. You know what the problem is, too? It's worse when you don't say it out loud. It's worse that you were thinking that Well I was looking

I was saving it for being in front of cameras Also the problem is When Jackie When her hands are tan It's because they're fucking massive Yeah well There's these giant tan paws I'm glad you said that

Because when we were playing What is this game here? Ski ball Shuffle board We were playing shuffle board is this game here? Ski ball. Shuffle board. We were playing shuffle board. I thought she had on like... Clothes. It was like Andre the Giant with the soda cans.

No, like fucking Always Sunny with the gloves. Uncle Jack. I was like, why is Jackie wearing gloves right now? Okay, I specifically tanned them so that they would look smaller because you guys are so mean about my clothes. Let me tell you something that happened. We call that a backfire. It was a backfire.

Those are just giant. Great job with that camera. I'm going to stand up still while you're doing it. Huge tan paws. It does. They look like gloves. Stop looking at my hands. I have a pair of ski gloves.

I'm going to put on gloves. I have a pair of ski gloves. I'm going to do like the – I'm going to put on gloves. I have a pair of ski gloves. I like that color. Stop. They're brown leather. They look like really old gardening gloves. Stop. And I got my nails done, and it turns out I'm just allergic to all nail polish now,

and so I'm currently breaking out in hives again. Oh, no. You can't travel without breaking out in hives. Anyway, back to being pedophiles. Back to the meat of the show. Welcome, Ashton Kutcher fans. Thanks for tuning in.

Bro, his life's work is about stopping people from sexualizing children. Oh my God. I didn't even think about that. We're going to have to cut all this and just put it in the next episode. I'm not sexualizing children.

I'm talking about children sexualizing me. And you know what, Ashton? We need you to help us out on that front too. We need an app for people like John getting exploited by the 16-year-old. Stumble into 16-year-old birthday parties. This is, when I say off the rails, like we have derailed and went over the cliff and the train exploded. But in deep down in places you don't talk about, you don't want to admit.

You want to be hot. Okay. Like if you have... I was like, turn down carbs. If you have kids... Cake? No, not for me. I keep it tight.

This is full Dennis Reynolds. This is full blown. I'm kidding. I keep it tight. This is full Dennis Reynolds. This is full-blown. I'm kidding. I hate cake, obviously. If you have kids and they have friends and you're in the community and known in school and shit, you want to be a MILF.

You want to be a DILF. Right, right, right. That's inherently weird. That's want to be a MILF. You want to be a DILF. Right, right, right, right. But that's inherently weird. That's what I'm missing a spouse. Yeah, that's why. That's why like. Yeah, I'm weird uncle.

That's why. I should get used to. What's his name in The Departed? Alec Baldwin, his character. That's, you know, that's why you got to get married. Let's, you know, you know, you're not weird. It's like, so you can be the DILF. Otherwise, you're just old man.

Yeah, that's true. There's plenty of fucking dads and moms get dressed to go, like, pick up their kids at school. Yeah, totally. You're right. Oh, yeah. I'm in the fucking clear, bro. But they have their own. They have a reason to be there, John. Bro, I didn't.

John, they have a reason to be there. I got tricked into going. So earnest. Tricked into going. It's not my fault. Dude, I will show you the text exchange. Like, tell me. Yeah, whatever, you little pervert.

Tell me where I got, if it's actually wild to have, when you read what I said versus when you see what I walked into is crazy. I would have given anything to see your face. I'm just like, was it like shock? was it awe? oh wait I forgot about this the gif I said when I decided I was just gonna go

it's so funny what am I reading from the top? can I read it? yeah yeah sure John says I'm not gonna be joining for dinner as i'm already getting drink with pat uh but we are for sure linking up for the post dinner post dinner bevy oh yes it's no dinner just drink so please come with pat blah blah decided to book a room oh shoot okay we just met his girlfriend for a drink at the

spring lounge we'll head that way shortly yes take your time but just hanging bar is great vibes and then john sent uh a gift from what is this wider tombstone tombstone you tell him i'm coming and hell's coming with me with a big fucking shotgun and then bro he just writes back oh lord no she does. She does. She does. So this kid. Tell me. Find in that test. Yeah, no. I mean. It says it's a goddamn birthday. I mean. I mean.

Yeah, no. Like, unless. Somebody did a bad job here. Like, the husband was supposed to fill you in or something. No one did nothing. Because this just reads as, you know, like, yeah, we're going out as adults. So imagine you're inviting someone

to come to your 16-year-old daughter's party and he responds with a fucking gif of, it's not Val Kim or who is that? No, it's Kurt Russell. Kurt Russell with a shotgun saying, you tell them I'm coming and hell's coming with me. And she just writes back, oh lord.

I thought I was going to meet them at the bar, dude. The text before that is take your time, but yeah, we're just hanging. Bar is great vibes. No, you are right. You were swindled. You got duped.

You were led astray. Bamboozled. Hoodwinked. I walked in there. I was like, what are all these children doing? They said they were great vibes. What are the children doing here? The exact opposite of great vibes.

There are children here here what time was that this is a friday night at oh wait it's actually earlier than i thought it was i think i've said this like five or six times in our lives that we need a tv show just to have a pilot we have we have like five or six pilot episodes. This is the one, though. This is the one. And this whole aesthetic would be it. What did you wear? What did you look like? Because I kind of like this trucker vibe.

This looks like you just got off the rig and you're rolling. What's up, kids? I'm bringing hell with me. I know what I was in because it got commented on, like, nice sweatshirt. I was in my orange Noah sweatshirt, my big, like, coat that I was wearing in Amsterdam, and a pair of, like, checkered pants and sneakers. So you were, like, stylish that night. But even the mom was like, would you just come off the ranch?

Like, she commented on it. Or not what she's saying, were you just hunting? Because I had a bright orange sweatshirt on. No, dude. I was at a bar with my friends. Got tricked into coming to a kid's birthday party. The way, I mean, I wouldn't even, like, we've written the script. I wouldn't change anything.

You said there were great vibes. There's a bunch of kids here. That is so goddamn funny man only fucking you bro only you it gets weird uh like even when you when you do have kids and you have a reason to be there like this this this little kid uh who's at all these like things that i go to with my kids he he calls me Shay's dad or Keegan's dad, depending on like which person, which kid is around at the moment.

And then this weekend he just started calling me dad. I was like, I don't know what this means. He's like, I don't know what's going on. That's zaddy to you, bud. But then like, you know, like I'm playing with Shay. I'm dancing with Shay and like I'll pick her up and shit. And then like other little girls, like, you know, like, I'm playing with Shay. I'm dancing with Shay. And, like, I'll pick her up and shit. And then, like, other little girls are like, can you do that to me?

And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm like, Frank. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like, they, you know, they don't know. And I'm like, no, go find your parents. We were at a thing the other day. It was a bowling alley slash arcade And the arcades these days You have to buy those credit cards

You know And then you have points and shit You have power cards So I'm buying one for Shay And these kids Form a fucking line behind her These two other girls And

I give Shay her card and this girl's like, can I have one too? And I was like, is your power card? Yeah, I was like, is your dad here? And she was like, no.

What's your poor father? Is your dad here? Does he have a job? What's his W2 look like, you little broke bitch? Oh, no, your dad's EBT he have a job? What's his W-2 look like, you little broke bitch? Oh, no, your dad's EBT isn't working on this game. I bought like fucking $40 worth of cards for these random kids I didn't know. That feels weird, too.

Because then, because you know what's going to happen is their parents do eventually come around and they go. I meant vodka, but thank you. Then their parents come around and they go like, wait, how are you playing these games? And they go, that man over there bought it for me. And then I look like the fucking creep. Meanwhile, I'm like, it's just because you're poor and absentee. That's why I bought these fucking cards for these kids. Just trying to get your kid a stuffed animal.

Sorry, I'll back off, I guess. Alright, we're in Arizona. The weather goes from like 75 down to like 40. We're going to go back to New York where we can get anything ranging from sleet and snow to a balmy 50 degree day all this weather all these occasions whether i'm doing a podcast or going to work or going out or hanging out with my kids all this weather all these occasions all birds fits the bill every single time they are the shoe that uh is comfortable, stylish, and environmentally safe. They are, I mean, they started out being known by like the fucking Silicon Valley tech guys, right?

And you think to yourself, those guys are smart and they are cutting edge, but you also don't think to yourself, like, they know what they're doing when it comes to fashion, right? Then you see the Allbirds and you realize that they make them from legit materials.

They make them in all different sizes and styles and that they make they make them from legit materials they make them in all different sizes and styles and that they go with everything and you're like all right maybe these guys know what they're talking about the all birds you can out there ahead of the curve once again who knew you can actually use them to work out like i love when people think about how many people buy running shoes and never run in them you know a lot yeah like the vast majority of running shoes yeah yeah and so if you actually want to work out you can do that in the all birds trainers if you're just looking for a casual look or an everyday wear and you want to make it affordable stylish and environmentally conscious that's where all birds comes in we had uh last winter i i rocked the uh sherpa pair they had like a sherpa uh

interior which somehow didn't make your foot sweaty it was awesome it was like warm but it's still a sneaker it was the best get them this winter you won't regret it uh go to allbirds.com right now to get your pair that's a l l b-D-S. That's allbirds.com. Get the wool trainers, the wool runner, whatever you want. It'll look good, feel good. Allbirds.com. All right. Let me run through a couple other things, and then we'll do voicemails because there was a couple good internet things I thought.

I'm going to go back to our group text. Yeah, I have one open. Okay, go ahead. So this is, and I want the whole gang to chime in here. This is the new rules for behavior. Oh, yes. I haven't read this, though. No, and I want the whole gang to chime in here. This is the new rules for behavior. Oh, yes. I haven't read this, though. No, have I?

Okay. So I want to go through these. This was a big thing, New York Magazine. Yes. Do you know how to behave? Are you sure? Presenting 194 updated rules for existing in polite society. Now, this is, I haven't read it, so I don't know if I can't co-sign it yet or whatever,

but this is exceptionally necessary. Because, like, we're big time, and the rules are not updated. When you're talking about tipping and all that shit, like, 20% on when you're just swiping or picking up and all, like, there's a lot of things that technology have changed and the way we do things that have changed changed and all of a sudden the old rules are still in there so before we even get into it it's like i hope i hope this is good and if it's bad somebody who knows what the fuck they're doing needs to write this so they are so um i guess to start so it's broken down into categories okay. The new rules for friends and lovers, strangers and others, going out and staying in, tipping,

work, the city, parenting, posting and texting. Okay. Okay. So you guys... Let's do one from each thing. Thanks, Jack. Are you fucking kidding me? You just got him empty cups

And a bottle Pour the fucking drink Would anyone else like one? Nobody better than you Yeah I'll take one I'll take one One glass of New Amsterdam vodka please One of the finest in the game

Cheers Brought us this house One of the finest in the game. Cheers. Brought us to this house. You can sip on it. You can shoot it. You can mix it. What we're doing here now is we're going to learn the new rules of society, so to speak. Let's do one from each at a time. Okay.

One from each. So start with friends and lovers. New rules for friends and lovers. Okay. This one's kind of interesting. I didn't know this. This is for friends and lovers okay this one's kind of interesting um i didn't know this is for friends and lovers rule two you may callously cancel almost any plans up until 2 p.m at 2 p.m there's still ample time for your friend if they so choose to text around and find another dinner

companion by three they almost certainly will be alone for the night this doesn't apply if you want to cancel on someone who is cooking for you in that situation you tell them the night. This doesn't apply if you want to cancel on someone who is cooking for you. In that situation, you tell them the night before. So this implies what? In yester... No, I know what it means. But in yesteryear, 2 p.m. was not enough time to find a replacement because you can't just text somebody or DM somebody.

Yes, that's... This doesn't really surprise me comparable to years past. This is just something I didn't know. I thought day of, you're locked in. There have been many a time where I'm like, 11 a.m., I wish I could cancel. I'm like, ah, it's too late. I agree, but also I would say if we're going to put a number on it,

like 2 p.m. is the absolute latest. Yeah, 2 p.m. for sure. Yeah, because it's still like early, mid-afternoon. you're to three you're basically to like late afternoon evening and then that's like your plans start yeah so uh but also i'd like to write my own one you can cancel plans whenever you want because deep down you want your you want to cancel plans too and we should all be we should all remember that when you get canceled on that it's like pay it forward see i disagree that one day you get to depends there there are times no doubt i'm happy i got canceled on but i usually i'm pretty excited for something like if i'm if i'm being like Being excited for things Yay boy The movies

What's happening right now? This is a live stream Up your nostrils Wait can I see that? Is this on? Is this something really gross? Is this being live streamed To the internet right now?

Yeah Are people watching right now? Wait why is your nose Are people watching right now? Yeah. Just in case we need a different camera. Oh, what the... It's in my bus. That's ridiculous. Wait, why is your nose, like, hooking into your lips like that? Like, my hair. My hair looks so weird.

How did you figure this out, bro? Because I agree. But how do you know that? I think you can almost tell by the expression. They're very, like... Yeah, they're like, yeah. Well, it's like they're flat. It's like a porcupine.

Yes. I couldn't figure out what it was. It's a porcupine. That is, if there's anybody watching that, that was very harrowing. Is that actually live? No, we haven't. Oh, that's live on the internet? No.

Oh, I see, I see. Here's this one. I haven't read it yet. These are longer than we expected them to be. I thought they were going to be like one rule. Don't use friends as foreplay. Already disagree. If, as a couple, you start an argument in the middle of a group of friends,

that group of friends may start looking at a lot like potential allies. Resist that urge. Do not attempt to shore up support. Do not ask if you are clearly in the right. Continue debating with your significant other if you must, but leave the others out of it. Okay, so that, I agree with that wholeheartedly. I don't tell my friends what I'm going to find. Bro, that's a very weird way to word that.

Yeah. Use your friends as foreplay. Because using your friends as foreplay, I am all for. I was like, wait, are we doing some kinky like group sex shit the i mean i i know i have friends who i've gotten laid that night like by their significant other because they had fun when we were out yeah yeah like yeah like oh i got you i got you that nut whatever yeah. Yeah. Like, that is very fine. This, I don't understand. No.

I have been, like, asked that. And, like, you know, I've had friends vent to me. That's one thing that's completely different. But, like, dude, I'm right, right? Like, I don't fucking. One thing, particularly, too, if I'm friends with both of you. Right. Like, no, I don't fucking care.

Don't tell me about any of this shit. This is a great one. I don't know if this uh has anything to do with again like the new modern world or if it's just like hey we forgot to write this one down on the original commandments if someone starts telling you a story you've heard before you have two seconds to tell them otherwise you got to sit through that fucking story oh i think it is so here's a caveat to that. If you are telling a story, and this is someone who tells repeat stories a lot, I go, I've probably told this before. And in that case, you can either go, yeah, you have to tell it.

Or like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. Right, right, right. But if you don't and you're just a repeater, you can't like halfway through be like, I know the story, dude. You got to make a decision as an adult. Am I going to embarrass this person right now and tell them and make, and have them feel like, Oh fuck. Or am I going to ride this out?

But it's all, it's all, that's only allowed one-on-one. If it's in a group. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's totally, totally.

But yeah. Also, if you're a person who tells stories a lot, make sure you always have that. Like I might've mentioned this before. I might've told you this before. And then they have the window to say, this is a good one for the modern world it's okay to ghost after one date oh fuck off that's not a ghost at all yeah that's just like we went on a date and like didn't yeah like that's i mean i guess you should say like the

idea is like should i say hey hey didn't go that well i i think you went out one time that's not you don't you have not earned any any level of like yeah i need to explain myself and obviously if one is okay one day it's okay less than one is okay totally and also it's like i've just never replied to that person ever again the main thing is like what you really want me to just send something that's gonna be be a blatant lie? Right. Whatever I do say to you is going to be a lie. Is that much better? If you ghost someone, stay gone forever.

Also agree with that. I don't think so. I'm the fucking monster under your bed, kid. Knock, knock. I'm back. I'm back. You get a bed, kid. Knock, knock. I'm back. I'm back. You get a couple new hamsties in me over a Super Bowl week or the big game week. If you're a dating adult, you should own lube.

What? Just like everybody's got to have lube in their bedside table it's 2023 man you got to have your lube at the ready oh i don't have a bedside table imagine if you just had lube on the fucking ground oh no you'd have lube in your in your sheet pocket i gotta fucking clone a willy in my top drawer but no fuck water anywhere to be seen that's such a great brand yeah fuck water i love it the uh the lube is the um i i like to uh count myself like i don't need lube i don't need lube and i'm i'm getting up there lube i can see lube being helpful one more from uh from dating and then we'll move on if your friend is dating someone and we've then we'll move on if your friend is dating someone

and we've talked about this before so if your friend is dating someone you seriously object to you have one shot to sit your pal down and say so i notice how they say these things for guys and girls some of these are gendered yeah and it's like i think for guys it's very different to sit down and be like yo that girl sucks versus a girl doing it to other girls guys you can't really do it until it's like a guy i don't even know if you can ever i know you did it once i did it once and that's why i i do i think it has to be the closest guy in your life and it's got to be a catastrophically bad thing like this was married girl dangerous husband going like a marriage that could go nowhere in life you're becoming a worse friend and i was like dude totally disagree with this

and he said thank you for your input and he disagreed he disregarded me for like a couple more months and then he it was the ultimate i told you so but yeah you're always right it's just like basically you you don't get to say anything you have to be a silent soldier like all soldiers you just fucking march on and then you pick up the pieces when when they when they're never right yeah when the fucking sarin gas comes in you gotta share masks because it's gonna get bad but i mean like you can't because if you do it early they're gonna be like fuck you dude We don't even really know her yet. And then after early, it's too late.

Right. Like, there is really no. Yes, there's no. If you do it, like, after two dates, I'm like, bro, I don't know. Like, maybe you might be right. But yeah. But fuck you. There's no definitive.

Right, right. All right. This is the first one for strangers and others. Love this rule. And I think we can expand upon it. If you've met someone and they clearly don't remember your name you say hi we've met i'm kevin i think we need to normalize either reintroductions from uh like the mutual friend or the people involved like i i don't just don't

be weird when i say what's up baby how about when i when I say, what's up, baby? How about when I say, Hey mommy, yo, what's up, baby? Uh, the, I think we need to,

and I, I have not fully worked this into my social life, my social game, but I'm a big fan of like, like if you're just like, I remember before, right. But I'm sorry, I bet with names,

you know what I mean? Just like fucking say it. Yeah. Like even i i think even being like i mean like we're going back to the first thing we started the podcast i would not say it still i would like you're right we should say no we should do this but there needs to be a word for this because this is all very wordy we need to sum this up and you be like, you're a blank to me. And it's like, oh, okay. You know what I mean? Visage.

It's like an apparition. You're kind of real, but you're not really real to me. Hello, you're a visage to me. And then they go, oh, okay. My name is Kevin. I get it. I don't know if apparition a visage to me and then they go oh oh okay my name is kevin like i get it i don't know i don't know if apparition and visage and then they appear once they yeah okay okay now you're a person okay psycho but if there was a way to say it and then you would go like it's kind of like my idea for the pineapple breakup where it's like this is just a sign to sum it all up if i could just say to you hey man you're i guess it's an acquaintance is what I'm looking for.

Massage. Well, one thing I've said before and I'll say again, my friend does for me is be a gangster when they're coming over or you're coming to meet you. Yeah. And you're with people they've met. You've met Rick. He's in the orange shirt. You've met Tom're with people that you've met. You've met Rick. He's in the orange shirt. You've met Tom. He's in the blue shirt.

You've met Steve. He's in this. You've got to have smart friends who know that. Basically, it's girls. You've got to have the women in your life that do that. To take proactive. I'm just going to be like, John's not going to know anybody.

I'm just going to let him flounder. And I'm going to come in and go, good to see you. Good to see you. Good to see you. Good to see you. Good to see you. How you been? Let's see if there's another good one.

I think we should keep this a recurring segment, so let's not do them all. Okay. And we'll come in. All right. We'll do going out and staying in. Don't foist your allergies onto a dinner party. Oh, I love a good foisting. You don't foist? I onto a dinner party. Oh, I love a good foisting. You don't foist?

I foist all the time. Foist sounds like a word. I never foist. Foisting is a word that sounds strangely sexual to me. Foist? Yeah, it's like a moist mixed with like fucking. She was foist, bro. Did I ever tell you you're looking up foisting over here?

It's like the push on. It's a force upon. That's just someone saying force with an accent. I foist her. I foisted her. I foisted myself upon her. Yeah, exactly. You have a foister?

What are you doing, Ricky? I'm foisting myself on it. Don't worry about it. Everything's going to be just jack. Rape is a lot funnier when you do that voice. Yeah, I foisted myself upon him. It's funny, man. We're all just laughing at him for some reason.

I foisted myself. Baby, it's cold outside. Why don't you stick around so I can foist myself on you How about this Just drink up I'll tell you For group dinners With friends Always split the bill evenly

Let's just make that a universal rule No I disagree with that What? I disagree with that What? Yeah With friends? With friends friends?

With the boys? Like you want to split Like based on who ate what oh no i mean one person picks it up someone else we're we're friends oh okay but that that nest that eventually is the idea of splitting it evenly yeah but like that that's like okay fine so then you want to get stuff further but that that's tough to sometimes ask people to be like this thousand dollar bill is on you well I don't have that many friends. We're usually in the $200, $300 range, the four of us.

Yeah, no. Actually, my mom would tell this story. New Boston Breakery, Fall River, Mass. She was behind these two old women in line getting their lunch for the day. And they both had their change purses out change purses out and they were paying each separately and they turned around they said to my mom we've been best friends for 80 years because we always pay our own share and i was like i disagree with that my friend was fucking checking out the figure out the change out of his out of his pockets to pay i'd be like hey dude i got this one i forget, man. A guy I used to live with used to send us an Excel spreadsheet splitting the toilet paper and the toothpaste and everything down to like four ways.

And I was like, kill yourself, man. Dude, I had a friend who would like, he would like Venmo me. If I bought like the group around the shots, he'd Venmo me his shot. I was like, dude, that's not like. That makes us all feel very, our friendship feel transactional. Yes, yes. I don't like that at all. Yeah, it's like, we're going to do this again and you can get mine it's okay yeah you're just getting 10 minutes

get it then so yeah i mean we'll we'll uh we'll continue to go through the new york magazine new rules for tip uh for i think i think that's a good segment because yeah it's kind of about a two months worth yeah and it's also i think um a lot of these suck, too. Yeah. So we will make our own. Fuck the New York Magazine. We'll do it KFC Radio style, where it's like... Whooping Gangnam Style. Just another way we could do it. We need to make some specific ones for degenerate life, too, though.

You know what I mean? Yeah. What's a good we we need to we need to end the segment with a true kfc radio one like um like what happens if you um what do you do if you just wreck somebody's sheets in bed what do you mean i don't know something like that like what if what if what if like you just leave someone with a fucking mess like if you pee in your bed or just come in the bed or blood in the bed

i mean i've only dealt with well i mean i've dealt with calm too but usually that's we both know it's there the piss is, the piss I'll leave you with. Blood? I've never had blood in the, well, not even my blood in the bed. You never had blood,

like, sex that was, I mean, it's their blood and it's their bed. That's their own problem. Yeah, I just,

oh yeah, I've left a bloody woman in bed. Yeah, I wrapped her up in a carpet. Threw her in a dumpster. What do you mean, man? Oh, that? Yeah, no, I'm not a prude. Sure.

All right, what's a good one, then? What's a truly, like, depraved... Actually, that was something I wanted to say to Ashton Kutcher today. What? That I didn't get a chance to... I wanted to tell him that when we were talking. It was it was weird because we with those hard half hour interviews it's so tough like i don't even like i don't want to i'm gonna make a joke because i don't want to derail things by the way we've gotten very good at it we get through a lot in a half hour and we get one

subject you can do a half hour totally so it's like a half hour like i don't even really kind of chime in like even today we were doing the vibrator thing i was like ah it's just bail on it's just bail on it but i wanted to talk about the period playlist in period playlist in my in no strings attached she makes oh yeah yeah yeah a period playlist and i was gonna be like yeah dude like i like i stole that move from you like i use yeah i use a period playlist and he was gonna go really let's keep going dog dude birds are gross your vibrator analogy was nails yeah i don't think he cared to discuss it but i was like this is fucking accurate yeah this is accurate talk chat gbt and sex toys versus penis play i'm here come to casey radio it was like yeah was talking about will ai take over the world and he was like well, you know, it's a very important tool, but you still need the human element.

And John was like, it's like vibrators for chicks. I was like, holy shit. Like, vibrators didn't make dicks obsolete. Neither will fucking AI, all right? That's a good one. Okay. Okay. KFC Radio rules.

You can bring your sex toys into the bed like right away. Fucking right away. Let's go. Yeah. Like date one, hook up night one, one night stand. Bring them out. Bring them out. I don't give a shit.

Let's go. Let's make this as fun as possible. Bring them out. Bring them out. I like that. You know what you should do? Grab bags, sex toys, day one. Ooh.

Like dealer's choice? Yeah, you ever do grab bags with nips? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Start a party. But it could be like a butt plug in this case. I don't know. This is going in somebody's ass. She comes out with a fucking duffel bag.

Looks like something Ben Affleck carries on AR-15s with. I just watched Triple Frontier. it's another human you pull out a person oh oh any toy so he hits this the fucking opens up all right maybe i fucked up um okay another thing that i sent um oh this is a good one for answer the internet kind of. Which one of these are you picking? You have to score. We're talking basketball here. You have to score on a fifth grader, you get a million dollars.

An eighth grader, you get 10 million. A varsity high school player is 50 million. A division one hoops player is 100 mil an nba player is 500 million and prime kobe bryant is 600 million which are you picking i mean this is pretty easy fucking backing down that fifth grader and i'm just taking mil tell how much fucking candy i have in my pocket too i'll be honest though i i think if you are gonna body a fifth grader you could probably body an eighth grader yeah no because they're i mean like i i'm imagining like not the greatest eighth grader alive because not even fifth grade fifth grade alive i couldn't be but like i'm imagining

it's a solid player and there's some big ass fucking eighth graders yeah dude there's there's some like that's what's tough about these is like yeah the kids these days are like freaks like you see some of these high school football player kids were like eighth grade and they look like they're fucking pros already dude i remember my eighth grade kids are fucking well like you know posterize you dunk on you and clown you my my high school graduation party um we were playing basketball in my yard and uh we were playing basketball in my yard and we were like picking teams, shit like that. My buddy.

You were playing basketball at your, like that late in your life? No, it was just like we were drunk and just like. Okay. I can't imagine you being like, let's play ball, fellas. Like when you're like 18.

It was not my idea. It was not like, it was like my entire school was there. My whole grade was there. Someone started playing. Got it. We all started playing. And we were picking teams.

And it was basically just the hockey guys playing at this point. Yeah, when you got to beat people up. And none of us are good. Yeah. You've ruined every basketball game you've ever played. Playing basketball with hockey guys sucks. Sucks. Because you also look like a pussy where it's like, can you stop elbowing me in the neck?

Like foul. Yeah, yeah. Like, what are you, a bitch? Right, right. But my buddy who had first overall pick picked my sister because she was the only person who played basketball. Oh, no. And she was just raining on us. Yeah, that's also shitty.

And at the time, Neely was like fucking, I don't know, like in fourth grade. Like seventh grade maybe. Yeah, when I was a senior in high school, she was probably in seventh grade. Doesn't she have the all-time leading score for her school? I don't know where it is, but yeah, she's just fucking dropped buckets. She's definitely not leading, but she was like... The next year in the paper, when the team wasn't doing well, the coach's statement to the paper was like,

Paulina Feidelberg's not walking through that door. Which he took from fucking Patino. That's fucking great. I think it's still on the that door. He took from fucking Patino. That's fucking great. I think it's still on the fresh list. That feels awesome, I bet. Paps, who would you take? Are you confident? I'm confident up to a high schooler.

I mean, the jump from high school to Division I, by the way, is fucking crazy. Yeah, it is. So, like, you got to be a D1 or above player yourself to pick any of those final three. I think that you can roll the dice and be like, if we just, like, check up one-on-one and I just shoot a jumper and make it. That's what I was thinking.

Can I get $50 million? Like – But I'd rather – Can you get your own rebound and shit? This is like – I don't know. It just says, you just says you score on. I'm assuming it's like you first to one is how I imagine this.

Once they score, the game is over. So let's say there's a 16-year-old kid playing varsity. I mean, yeah, I guess for all the money in the world, he's going to be up in your fucking grill, so it's not like you're going to get an open look. But you could conceivably just be like, check me. I think it's almost a guaranteed bucket with a high schooler. I'm just going to back him down, or I'm just going to go by him.

I think when it comes to anything above that, it's a 50% chance. 50%? I'm going with a 50% chance, yeah. You think a 50% chance you're scoring on an NBA player? I'm just a jumper. But he's going to play defense on you. Bro. Are you?

You're saying it's just a checkup? If it's just like... So he's putting the ball in my chest? Bro, he's going to put that in your face. But he's putting the ball in my chest? So fast. If he gives me... He's going to put that in his throat?

If he's in the NBA, he can hand you the ball from here, and he's swatting your shit. Let's say, how would you check up the ball? If I'm in the fucking NBA, I'm checking you the ball, and I'm swatting this shit out of the fucking sky. I got to see your release. If you think you're fucking – I think it all comes down to how far.

How quick is your release, son? I had a quick release. I think it all comes down to how far. How quick is your release, son? I had a quick release. I think it all comes down to how far his distance is where the checkup is. I don't even think it matters. I don't even think it matters. My AAU team is long out. Let's find out. We'll find you an NBA player real quick.

Dude, the – This is like that – Remember the Harrison Barnes debate? Yeah, could you score – Could you score on Harrison Barnes for like $50 million? Yeah. Everyone was like, what are you fucking – Not everyone.

A lot of people were like, yes, and then everyone else with the brain was like, what are you fucking insane? It was like you can run around the court. You don't have to play by any – You can shoot on any hoop. Any hoop. It was like you still wouldn't. You still wouldn't you still wouldn't um yeah i i think it's probably a safe bet to just body up a fifth grader put your fucking boot in his face and lay

it in i mean like yeah i'll take a quick million and i'll invest that with ashton. You know what was the funniest thing of the group chat? So we send all of our... I send all of the Am I the Assholes to... That's the funniest thing. Jackie just sent this one thing that just went completely... It was like a couple and the way

that they operate and have a good relationship and it just was crickets. I saw it. I didn't even. First of all, no response to anybody. Second of all, I. Was this.

Yeah, no. Are you making fun of this person? No, I think I just send stuff that looks like it would be maybe on up your guys' alley. Okay. I don't need responses. Yeah, no, I didn't think. I didn't think anyone responded to me. I think those

when like when those are said yeah i put god do that next step but no one replied to it this this uh i'm not gonna send anything anymore did you did you like send this like a green with these people okay yeah because i i saw this this is so annoying i hate this girl i hate this girl automatically see you have something. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. Okay.

Let's get into our voicemails, and then we'll get into Ashton Kutcher. What do we got? As Portnoy would say. Fucking five days of radio with Dave Portnoy again this week. You know, I had to dig deep. Four days. Four days. That's right.

I had to dig deep for Amsterdam. I'm going to fucking dig even deeper to do radio with Dave. It's February, and now is when everybody starts to fall off from their New Year's resolutions, is when the gym starts to thin out a little bit. What's that? Open up again. Yeah, basically. And that's what happens to everybody because they come up with some unrealistic resolutions

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I have a bad diet, and I hate working out. Figure it out, Fitbod. Honestly, Fitbod will help with that very much. I used to think it was like you had to have a personal trainer, and it's not. You need to have something or some someone or something just holding you accountable right and if you like you're like i know i have four workouts this week i have to get like whether it's a person yelling it at you or or your it doesn't even like you don't even need to push notification you just need to know what exists yep you need to know you

promised four workouts this week and like okay i'm in i i have to do it i'm gonna get it done and these so they'll come up with all these exercises that won't overtrain you. You won't get burned out. It'll last all year long. And whether you're in the weight room or the bedroom, FitBod has you covered all year round. And they've got the demonstration videos in HD. So it's not just like, it'll actually know, it'll actually show you how to, how to, uh, accomplish these workouts and reach your goals. Go to fit bod.me slash KFC. That's F I T B O D dot M E slash KFC and get 25% off your subscription, uh, or try the app for free.

When you go to fit bod.me slash KFC. What's good KFC, uh you go to fitbod.me slash kfc what's good kfc uh wanted to reach out i was just thinking the other day um was at a house party at my place back in college um and i've been boozing all day kind of come out it was a game day kind of come out of a blackout in the middle of a house party middle of a keg party my own place look down tons of people there and i'm drinking a fucking glass of milk i don't know at what point i decided to grab it don't know why i decided to i thought that was the the best option at that point but look to the the girls and people i was with like how fucking long have i been drinking

milk like i don't know. You grabbed it from the fridge. Thought it was kind of fucking weird. So my question is, what is the weirdest thing that you've come out of a blackout and just been like, what the fuck is going on? Why am I doing this? Where the fuck am I? I don't know. Let me know.

John's got a room of 16-year-old girls. Oh, I kidnapped a puppy, obviously. Yes. Shout out. Shout out, L. Let me know. John's got a room of 16-year-old girls. Oh, I kidnapped a puppy, obviously. Yes. Shout out, L. L, dude. Shout out, 11. I woke up with a dog on my fucking chest. Yeah.

Wasn't my dog. I thought I'd rescued the dog. Turns out it was just a neighbor's dog. I thought, bro, I thought I saved the fuck out of that dog, dude. I was like, but here's the thing with L, whose real name was like Roy or something like that. As a guy, I called it a girl dog. I was so drunk I missed a penis. Not the first time that's happened.

It was the, but like she just followed me to the beach. It was like she, he. Wanted to. Needed to be rescued. Yeah. We were just hanging out to the beach. It was like she, he... Wanted to. Needed to be rescued. We were just hanging out on the beach, playing catch. I mean, a dog doesn't... A dog wanting to hang out with you doesn't mean it needs to be rescued. Well, I didn't...

He just followed me around all night. I was like, yeah, all right, man. You want to crash at the house? Crash at the house. You know? I've had people just crash on the couch. Why not you too, dog? I got you.

We had dog food in the houses Because there was a dog there regularly So yeah when I Newport, Rhode Island Pete Blackburn and DJ Bean were with me We accidentally kidnapped a dog So that was the weirdest thing I did I also had one time where I was at

West Deck in Newport And it was the 4th of July I couldn't even tell you what year it was but it was it rained that 4th of July like to the point where like it wasn't even like you don't wake up and go to the beach you don't wake up and pretend you're gonna have a cookout it's dumping all day right to the bar like 10 a.m at the bar woke up drunk started drinking before the bar opened. Showed up at the bar. Damn it. Drunk. By noon, they were taking Gansett.

And I know the bartenders there. It was really my heyday in Newport. Where I'd have to fucking slit someone's throat, like ritualistic style, to get kicked out of a bar. And I was just slamming these fucking Gansett tall boys. And I was like, I am drinking a million drinks. I was like, I was like, I was like crushing the cans. Like another fucking Viking. Give me another one.

And like, come like the end of the day, they're like, you are the most hydrated person here. Cause we've just been taking cans out of the trash and filling up with water no that's fucking great that's hilarious i don't i actually don't have one of these like i'm not a when i blacked out when i black out i come out of my blackout in the morning like i i i've never had that really i remember waking up i remember david David Wright's brother. He once either owned or managed or just bartended at a bar. And we met up once, me and my brother and him. And we just, we, he poured out so many Jameson shots.

It was like, I think he was trying to kill us. Because it was at an obscene rate it was like I would finish one put it down and there'd be another one in front of me and I was like this happened again and I remember waking up the next morning like lights on bubble jacket still on like when I say clothes on like fucking everything and i was like i felt like sweet d like am i in america i've never been like what day is it like where where what happened here but i don't come out of the blackout i once i'm blacked out it is see you fucking later it's it's it's not a blackout if you're still able to like remember things and come out of it you know next up who's drinking enough milk that milk is funny in the calcium that is really fucking funny like how long I drinking milk like like

the thought that like imagine if someone was like dude that's like your sixth class that's really funny you were just downing milk it's like pouring them out as a newly lactose intolerant person I was like tomorrow going to be a tough day. You guys think you're going to have a tough day tomorrow? I'm going to have a tough day tomorrow, dude. Can't even fucking smell Cinnamon Toast Crunch anymore. I don't fucking adjust it. What up, KFC Radio? It's your boy, Patio.

Shout out to the whole gang. Shout out to Tico, Texas, and our weird-ass belly button. Is that the Philly show? Fucking electric music video. All right, quick question for you. Let's say I'm a magician. I guess I'd already be dead if I'd sort of had me wiped off the face of the planet. But let's just say I can do magical curses.

I curse one of you, doesn't matter which one. Immediately you have a vagina. Only way to get your dick back is to fuck another man. Who you fucking and why is it each other? Viva. Well, I mean, it is funny how guys will twist the English language into being just like, dude, just ask me what guy I want to fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just all roads. Don't worry, it was a genie who gave you a pussy, and you need to do it to get a dick back. I'll tell you what guy I want to fuck. I don't care. All roads lead back to fucking and sucking dudes. Who, what, when, where, why? Just fucking ask me, man. Also, I can't believe this dude's from Philly,

because one, he just looks like Boston. Two, I could have sworn that was a South Bay target. I've had some times in the South Bay parking lot. Yeah. I mean, just witnessing. I mean, it's not like I was a kid drinking or anything like that. It's just like, if you know about South Bay, it's a scene. Me and Sean used to go.

It was when I lived in my first apartment, which I don't think you ever came to. I lived in the South End in Worcester Square. And we used to go to apple bees in south bay on like sunday mornings just people want to drink margaritas it was fucking dope dude yo that's that's when kanye was like life is dope that's you guys at fucking apple bees at 9 a.m um so wait he said i i lose my dick You get a vagina The only way to get your dick back Is you fuck a guy

Okay I thought that was your Okay that's what he said Yeah yeah no no no Yeah that's literally what he said Okay got it Ashton Kutcher Yeah okay Don't make it weird Kevin

Just shut up man Just play it cool dude Ashton you can fuck my pussy Kevin's got He just got his legs spread like a gymnast Fucking lips open Thumbass Fuck man

Fuck you made it weird I did Well this is also another one of those If you had a pussy And you're just trying to get your dick back, do you want to get banged out or do you want it to be like a minute man? I think I'd like to experience what it feels like to get fucked. Dude, I'd be like, why? Can we make it like 10?

Can we date for a little while? Can I have a boyfriend for six months? We're not married. I'd become the biggest prude. Like, dude, I don't want to fuck you because I get a dick back then. And I'm busy fingering myself. Don't go.

I'll blow you. I'll suck your dick. But you're not fucking this pussy, man. I don't want this to end, man. I don't want that dick back. But come here. Let me suck your dick. I think I would definitely like to get absolutely dicked down and be like, wow, that's what it's like.

To just be like torn up. See, I... You know when chicks are like, oh, I'm sore? Yeah. And let's pretend it's real. They're not lying. Like, that's got to be cool. To be like –

It's got to be cool? Yeah. Right? I think so. I wake up every morning sore. It's the opposite. Well, but like when you – that's because it hurts and deep down you're depressed

because your body is deteriorating at an alarmingly fast rate. When you get your fucking pussy banged out, I bet it's a different kind of feeling. See, here's the deal, though. And Timothy, this is what you're going to have to deal with. Sorry, continue. This is an issue Timothy's going to have to deal with. Like, if you're trying to bang me out, bro. Bro, if you're trying to...

Bro. Bro, if you're trying to fuck me, fuck me. I got a fight or flight, and my shit says fight. So, like, we're going to fight. If you want to fuck me hard while I'm fighting back, fine. But we're fighting. Like, this is going to be a wrestling match. Dude, if I'm shirtless in bed with another man, I'm wrestling.

His dick might be in my pussy, but I'm wrestling. I'm putting him in a headlock. Throwing some grabs. What's the last thing Timothy Chalamet sees before he fucks me? Let's go, kid. Let's go, kid. You want to fuck? I don't fucking singlet.

Ready to shoot some grabs. Fuck his ankles. Come on, Tim. Come on, Tim. Where's that dune training at now, baby? Come on, Tim. Where's that dune training at now, baby? Come on. You and Momo fucked around on set like this. I know.

But you could go the other route and just be like, and be like, you know, just give me some fucking minute man, two pump jump, give me my dick back, you know? Yeah, yeah. If you were gay. That way I don't even fucking know what that's the then I will never

know what it's like you know what if you get banged out get your dick back and all you want is a pussy that's a danger see all right no now that guy in a target parking lot now Now I'm flipping my answer back. I'm waiting for the Target genie to come back to my pussy.

You're trying to recreate it every night, you know what I mean? Throw the money in the fountain at the same time. Maybe he'll come back again. Because I think I changed my answer. If you get fucked and you really like it and you can't have that genie come back, then you forever will be, it'll be the forbidden fruit. You'll be chasing the high

at the time you had a pussy. So give me the worst sex of a vagina's life. Bro, I'd have... Because I don't even want to be thinking about that shit again. I'd have dude in a bear hug. You know what it's like? Don't let it come out yet.

Don't let it come out yet. I'd have him fucking wrapped up. He's tapping out. Like, nah, dude. Once it's out, mama. Once's tapping out. Like, nah, dude. Once it's out, mama. Once it's out, I turn back into a pumpkin. Oh, my God.

Do we have one more? No, we don't. We're done. That's it. We're done. Ashton Kutcher's on the show. Jesus Christ. This ad is brought to you by 3Chi.

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uh 3g.com promo code kfc15 kfc15 you get 15 off your whole order Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please use responsibly. What's up, man? There's no bar. How you doing, man? I mean, there's a whole bunch of whiskey on here. Well, that counts, right? Kevin, how you doing? We're going to put you here. Hi, I'm Kevin. Yeah, that's

our choice. This dude stole a bunch of my money What? We talked about the Whistlepig Like it was his favorite whiskey And I'm like Alright I can't drink that stuff

Wait whoa whoa whoa Wait some dude Who likes Whistlepig Stole all your money? He stole a bunch of my money And he And How did that happen?

He was a swindler. You got swindled? I got swindled. You got swindled. You would think by now you would know how to not get swindled. I'm telling you, I got swindled. I got swindled. What was his pitch?

Well, it was like, so I went to this, I was at a Dodgers game, and I was in a box, and it was this guy's box. And he had Whistlepig out. Listen, let's leave the Whistlepig out of it. These guys are great people. Whoever this fucking hustler was, yeah. This guy had, like, cops. He, like, swindled a bunch of people's money. And my neighbor was friendly with the guy and was like, I can't.

This is not even. I feel like this is not a real story, Ashley Kutcher. This is a fake story. I got swindled by the whistle pig, man. I'm not joking. You had the Dodgers game in a box and your neighbor who was a cop. What would you say? No, my neighbor was there and there was a bunch of cops.

This guy was friends with and the guy was like swindling people's money, man. He swindled my money. And if I ever see that guy, that guy's going to have a very bad day. It's not going to be a good day. How much did you get swindled out of?

I'm not even talking about it. I don't like losing 50 cents. So, I do not like getting swindled. So it doesn't matter how much it was. What matters is this dude's a swindler. You take a dime from Ashton Kutcher. It's a problem.

And listen, listen. If I ever see the Whistlepig again, and I refer to him as the Whistlepig. The Whistlepig? Really? Yeah. The Whistlepig man. Because he kept offering up Wh pig like oh this is some bullshit man you're just writing off his whole brand no i'm because of one swindler no i'm dead

serious he kept he kept he kept promoting the whistle piece like this is as good as any scotch you're gonna have any rye you're gonna have any this and i was like all right i'll try it and i tried it and then he swindled me that's's the trick. You get him with the whistle pick. They start throwing the money at you. He was right about one thing, okay? I don't know about the rest of it. But it's as good as any scotch or rye you're going to have. I'm telling you, this dude disappeared to Mexico with my money.

Really? I'm dead serious, man. Oh, when you were saying, if I see him again, I thought he was in jail or something. No, he's gone. He's in the wind. The feds are looking for him. Really? I'm telling you, man.

The whistle pick is on the loose, and he's going to get caught. Someday this dude's getting caught, and I'm telling you, he better hope it ain't me that catches him. I was going to say, who finds him first, the feds or Ashton? I feel like you've got one of those boards with the pin boards and the red lines. I've tracked him down. I know where he is.

I think I know where he is, man. But the feds are looking for him. But the whistle pig don't want to run into me, man, because I'll tell him this guy's going to have a bad day. That's the interview. Get out of here, man. I got to be honest, Ashley Kutcher. I hate your guts, man.

I hate your guts. I hate it. Wait, what do you want to do? You want to do something about it? Assh is coming in here looking for a scrap, bro. You want to do something about it? Ass is coming in here looking for a scrap, bro. You can just throw down now, man. In the name of Whistlepig.

You are the world needs. Yeah, I see you sweating. Yeah, I'm sweating. I am sweating, dude. I do sweat. I get hot. He sweats a lot. I thought I was making you nervous.

No, no. Don't flatter yourself. I sweat all the time. No, because you hate me and then you're about ready to scrap and now you're sweating a little bit. I can see the beads coming. Now I'm embarrassed. The world needs models and actors

and then the world needs smart people and developers and investors and all that shit. You are too much of the same. You can't combine those two things. Why not? Because that's not you are too much of the same. You can't combine those two things. Why not? Because that's not fair to the rest of the world.

Okay. Because there's some fucking... You just need to stay in your lane. Because there's some people who are smart and developing apps who all of a sudden are going to get swooped out by Ashton Kutcher and vice versa with the fucking actors. What if I told you that I just don't know what I want to be when I grow up? Then I really hate your guts

because you're fucking super successful at all this shit and you didn't even like, you just fell ass backwards into it? No, I didn't fall ass backwards into any of it, but I just don't think that you have to pick one thing. Like, why do you have to pick one thing?

Okay, I went to school. I was studying biochemical engineering. I wanted to be a geneticist i learned how to code in computer code in fortran in like 1996 then some lady comes up to and i and i did every junior high school play high school play i was in the thespian society and competed in like acting competitions and things like that because i always wanted to be an actor but i was in iowa and you're in i Iowa and you're like, what,

what am I going to go do? Like local theater? Like I'm not getting out of here. And that's your, that's the sensibility I had. So I was like, all right, I'm going to do the sensible thing. I'm going to go be a geneticist.

My brother had a heart transplant when we were like 13. And I was like, I want to figure out how to keep that virus that attacked his heart from going into lysis. By the way, they just figured it out with COVID, which is kind of amazing. But that is what I wanted to go and do. I wanted to do that job. And then this lady came up to me and was like, hey, have you ever thought about being a model?

I thought Fabio was the only male model. I'm like, I don't fit. I'm not that guy, right? I was like, and I was at a bar. It was actually funny. She comes up to me and she's like, how old are you? And I was like, I don't fit. I'm not that guy, right? I was like, and I was at a bar. It was actually funny. She comes up to me and she's like, how old are you? And I was like, one second. Can I get a beer?

Amazing. 19. And then she's like, have you ever thought about being an actor? I was like, no. And I was like, I've thought about being an actor. She's like, well, you could just be a good way in. So I go to this competition and I win a trip to New York. I get to New York.

I have $100 in my pocket. I have my Boy Scout duffel bag, my sleeping bag, a Swiss Army knife. And I'm like, got here. I called my dad. I'm like, I'm not coming home. I'm going to do it. And so then I would, like, walk down to Broom and West Broadway every day, sat at the agency for eight hours a day because I didn't know.

I was like, it's a job. I got to be here for eight hours. My agent's like my agent's like uh he just like sit in the waiting room i would just sit there man i would just sit at their desk i'd only ever work like nine to five jobs like you at least have to be here for eight hours a day right that's great and i think my agent got so annoyed with me sitting there all the time she got me a manager and so then i would go and sit in my manager's office and be like send me out on something if you want to get rid of me and then i would go and then i started working and then i started getting work as a model and then uh and then i did like a student film an nyu student film and then i booked a pizza hut commercial and then i got i got flown to la to for a show, and then I booked that 70s show the first couple days I was there.

That's insane. And then I was working, and then I started a production company when I was 21 years old and had like seven, eight people, ten people working for me by the time I was like 25 in the production company. And then I saw buffering speeds getting faster and faster online. And I knew from my engineering days that that was going to be the moment that the internet became a real thing. I was like, we need to shift all of our production to digital production. And my partner and our board was like, and I was like, we should invest in these companies, produce content to build up the value of the assets, and not take payment, but then grow the capital through the investment in the companies.

And then the board was like, no. And so then I started an investment firm. And then now that's what we're doing. That is – Do you not see why I hate you? You're like, so I was a biogeneticist engineer. And then I was like, and then I became a model. And then I got that 70 show on my first shot.

And now I'm a production. I mean, it's a bit much. It's a bit much. How much do you sleep every day? Not enough. Maybe too much. Get after it, man. What time are you off today?

What time do you finish working today? I'll tell you this much. If you start a podcast, then we have problems. Stay out of that lane. That's what we always yell at the people who are like, you know, fantastically successful in something else, and then they start a podcast. You're not. You don't hate me.

You hate you. Yeah. That's right. Oh, welcome to a podcast. You don't hate me. You hate you. Oh, welcome to the podcast. That's the show. That's the theme, sir. Welcome to episode 1,375. So I recorded one episode of a podcast. No, no, no. And it was called Let's Be Honest.

And it was with a buddy of mine. And I listened to it and I was like, nah, this isn't good and then i canned it so there you go that's good most that's how most podcasts i think it's like something like 92 percent of podcasts don't get the episode two yeah and keep doing i just listened to it back and i was like well it was good but i i would i probably would have gotten canceled had i put it out and i was like because the hard thing i this is what I envy about what you all do, is that the hard thing is it's easy to have a conversation for 30 minutes, for an hour, without saying something stupid. It's really hard to have public conversations day in and day out without saying something.

So eventually we all say something stupid. Oh, yeah. day in and day out without saying something. So eventually we all say something stupid. And the resilience that it takes to be able to do what you do and talk and have these conversations, talk about things, talk about all types of different issues without putting your foot in your mouth or with putting your foot in your mouth but then figuring out a way to get it out, that's hard. That's more the vibe, yeah. That's hard. Yeah. Thank you.

That's the nicest thing anyone's ever had to say about podcasters. Speaking of getting canceled, there's an article I read a while back, back in like 2019, I think. And it was in The Hollywood Reporter. It was about how social media ended nightlife in Hollywood. Yeah. And you were in it. And nothing salacious or anything like that,

but it was just like Ashton was at E-Bar a lot or whatever the bar was called. I don't know. I-Bar. I-Bar. It's not cool enough. It's okay. Do you agree with that thesis thesis do you think social media changed because like dude there was a fucking they painted a picture of one night out in that uh

in that article where it was like beyonce was dancing on the floor jay-z and connie were rapping prince was sitting in the back that 70s show was in a booth like was it really that like that crazy it wasn't social media it was two it was really a three-step process so the first thing see we used to be able to go out and you would just go out and it was it was it was it was the early aughts, like 2001. That age too for you, right? Yeah, I was like 21, 22. And it was like 2001, 2002, like right around that time.

It was amazing. I mean, honestly, we would go out to the club, and it would be like Justin Timberlake and Britney and this one and that one and the other thing. And we would all go out. We would finish taping on a Friday night. And we would go out to the clubs. And we would just go until like 2 a.m. until they kicked us out.

But it would be everybody that you knew that was there. And nobody would say anything. Nobody would talk about anything. There was no chatter about who did what, where, when, what. You would just go have fun. And most of the time. But there was regular people too? Or it's like very exclusive?

Yeah, everybody. No, it was like whoever got into the club. Right, right, right. We got fast-tracked into the club, which was amazing. And I will never discount. And you become friends with the people who ran the club. So there was like a Wednesday night club. There was a Thursday night spot. and I will never like discount and you become friends with the people who ran the club so there was like a Wednesday night club there was a Thursday night spot there was a Friday night

spot Saturdays and Sundays you didn't go out because it was a little too aggressive there was too many people out yeah and then there was a Monday night spot and so like four days out of the week you would go out and you would always run into like and then like Hugh Hefner would come in and you'd be like, what the hell is going on? Then TMZ happened. That was step one where like when you left the club, you were filmed between leaving the club and getting in your car. And that was like the first start where it was like, ah, this isn't right. Like this, because I don't, I'm not responsible for myself at two in the morning. Like I've been in the club for three hours.

Like, are you kidding? And then the point and shoot camera happened and everybody had a camera in their pocket and the point and shoot camera. And that was like, that was when like, it was a picture in the club, but you kind of knew who the people were.

And if somebody whipped out a camera, they'd be like, nah, knock it out. Then the phones started to happen. And then everybody had a camera. And then social media started to happen. And then it devolved. I was out by then. So when the TMZ thing happened, it was right about, I think I was like 25, and I was getting married and had three stepdaughters. I wasn't going out anymore.

But it's a bummer because these kids aren't, I'm not a bummer. These kids these days. No, but they're not going to get to experience it that way. No, and never again. Cats out of the bag. Cats out of the bag. You know it can never like reset

or go back to the old ways. It is absolutely over forever. But it was it was fun. I think there is like that

like the what is it Gen Z is the young one? Gen Z. They're doing like all the 90s stuff now where I guess I read like

they're taking instead of taking their phones out they take point and shoot cameras out. So maybe things are so cyclical.

Maybe the kids are going out, but there's always going to be the TMZ and the people making money off of it. I heard that Sony re-released the Walkman. I'm like, really? Are we going back to the Walkman for real? I get it, though, because if you're a kid and you see your parents on their phones all the time, you're like, that's fucking lame. I don't want to do that.

Wouldn't things be cyclical like that? You're always kind of railing against the prior generation. It's just so much worse, though, no? A tape and a Discman skipping and all that. Oh, yeah. Remember when you had to have the audio tape that you plugged into the car radio, and then you had the Discman, and it would jump when you were going. You're like, dude, hold it.

Don't let it skip, man. We were just talking. What's into these beats out here? We were just talking about getting shitty cars and putting in a system with a subwoofer. Massive subwoofer. Massive subwoofer. We were in Iowa, and my buddy had this Cutlass Supreme with the tops on it. And he had these massive,

massive subwoofers in it. And we would just drive around the block for hours listening to some DVD, some CD that was just like, Baaah! Baaah! Baaah!

Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah!

Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah!

Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah!

Everything was shaking. People talk about how dangerous it is to be on phones now when you're driving. And I completely agree, obviously. But it's like, you think I can't text? I used to have a fucking full CD envelope. Like a laptop. Clip it through. Clip it through.

I'd have my disc in one hand and the CD in the other. Pulling out rusted roof. You get like rusted roof. And put it in your bed. Like, send me away. I can handle it. Yeah. I can handle it. Yeah. I can handle it.

We're good. I will say, here's the difference, right? And this is like pet peeve of mine. The difference is like, yeah, you would be flipping through the thing and whatever it was, but you would never sit at a stoplight and be like, sit there while the light is green for like 30 seconds and not move. And I sit behind people. I'm like, get off your fucking phone, man.

Let's go. I get so pissed. And there's been like crazy studies about texting and driving that it's actually more detrimental to be texting and driving than driving drunk in some cases. That doesn't surprise me at all. That's how bad it is. It depends what level of drunk we're talking about. I was going to say. People just bury their heads.

Get off your phone. I'm with you on that. I'm unknown to that. I am never not constantly heads. Your phone. I'm with you on that. I'm with you. I'm unknown to that. I am never not constantly. On your phone. It's the worst. It is the worst. Shocker.

Man. Shining Whistlepig Man. I'm at the bottom of the list right now. Whistlepig Man and then me. So your place or mine? I got a bone to pick with it and I don't want to do any spoilers with it.

Okay. You're so much more in the right. I don't want to I want to talk about in the film it's not comparable. In the fight

like what do you do to each other the main conflict you're so much more in the right. Like again I don't want to give spoilers so it's hard to have

the actual talk about it but you're so much more right. It's interesting you say that because there are some people that are like, she should have went with the other guy. I can see that too. I can see that too. But like if we're having the fight, if we're going to figure out a year, like someone gave away like your precious life's work

and then you went to hockey practice. Her kid got a concussion. No, he didn't! He was staying overnight for observation. They didn't think he had one. It was just precautionary. He'll get over it. Look, it could go either way.

It could go either way. Some people have different parenting styles. John doesn't have kids, so you can tell. way. Kids can go either way. Do people have different parenting styles? John doesn't have kids, so you can tell. When you have kids, it's interesting because she basically has my character's baby, if you will, and I have her baby, and we both are, you know. One's a real one now. Living and breathing. Neglecting the respect of each other relative to that.

I get that. I understand. And as someone without kids, I'm like, dude, and as someone who played hockey, like, he went to hockey practice. It's fine. It's all right. That's the perfect, like, the perfect scenario for you to be like, he's not a big deal. Played hockey. Don't have kids.

How many times I went head first into the boards? Look at me now! I also am like always so impressed in rom-coms when I watch, like, and I'm a huge rom-com guy. I love rom-coms. You get a seal of approval on the rom-com from John and it's like... I'll tell you what,

No Strings Attached, one of my all-time favorites. Happy to have you back. How much did you guys hate Friends with Benefits, No Strings Attached, one of my all-time favorites, so happy to have you back. How much did you guys hate Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached that? Is that even in your mind when that shit happens? When we were making it,

I was barely aware of the fact that that other film was being made, and it's crazy because it's my wife, and then the craziest thing of all is then we literally lived out that movie in real life where we're like, okay, look, we're going to hang out and we'll see what happens. And then if somebody catches feelings, tell the other person.

Then we lived out the movie that we both made that the other one didn't know that we were making. That should be a movie. That's the movie. That's the rom-com. Yeah, like, oh, we watched the movie. Let's do that. We're so dumb. We know how the movie is.

We read the literal script. That is funny because I feel like people, there's a few. There's those two. And then there's the illusionist and the prestige. And then there was Armageddon. Hold on. Hold on. My wife's calling.

Wait. I got to take this. Who's this? Who's your wife? It's my wife. It's Mila Kunis. Hold on. Hello?

Hello? Hi. You're on a podcast right now. Oh, she hung up god damn it i was like oh i was about to be like we technically interviewed mila kunis you don't think we're putting that in the title you're crazy man uh those there's those three sets of movies that all kind of came out at the same exact time that i feel like movie watchers always like either pit against each other or talk about at the same time and those things really just do come together like you don't know that another production or another actor like

no there's no through the great generally like these well so i heard murmurs when we were shooting the movie that there was this other movie and the writer felt like the other person jacked their idea and whatever it was but usually like these kinds of things happen a lot. Like, there's two projects right now that are about the Galapagos Islands, right? And they're both apparently really good and interesting. It was, like, the Prefontaine movies, right? There were, like, two Prefontaine movies. And then, like, Tombstone and Wyatt Earp, right?

Oh, shit. Those two movies. But so oftentimes, like, the story surfaces somewhere, like, because those two movies but so oftentimes like the story surfaces somewhere like because sometimes they these the movies they come from like a new york times article or new yorker article or like there's some article and then everybody and so there's we all have this kind of collective vibe going on of like inbound of content that's coming at us and then writers get inspired and then they end up with competing projects but i didn't i wasn't i knew about the other movie but i thought it was probably different enough and then uh you know i'm like whatever where is this going to be better but i

don't know was it and you did you see both i i agree which one's better in fact you agree way better yeah oh my god okay hold on. Now I'm calling back. Call back Mila. Call back Mila. See what she thinks. I loved the other one too, honestly, I did. But yeah, No Strings Attached is one of my favorite rom-coms of the last 20 years or so. Right on, man. Thank you. It was a classic. I appreciate that.

What do you think you are most proud of in your career? My career. Or your life. Everything you've done my my kids i'm just like like i got my dad hat on right now because it's like it is the number one job i have um most proud of in my career you know i actually think that i was really afraid early in my career that i was just going to get pigeonholed and only be able to do one thing and that was going to be it. And I'm, I'm actually probably most proud of the fact that

I've been able to do a diverse number of things and do them well and, um, and not do anything stupid enough to get me like knocked out of the game. You know what I mean? Because we all do stupid stuff. Like it's impossible to not go through life without making mistakes. And I just haven't done anything

that was like dumb enough to get me knocked out of the game. So you can just keep doing. Yeah. I mean, longevity is hard to achieve. For 26 years, I've been doing this,

living in public, you know, like 26 years, I've been doing this, living in public. 26 years of having people watch what you do and not do anything that is offensive enough to get you whacked out of the game. Aside from not knowing who Harry Styles is. Aside from not knowing who Harry Styles is. Come on, guys. What an idiot you are. How many times have you had to answer this question?

I just talked about this. I'm like, hold on. First of all, this is like five, six years ago. Okay, see, in the article I was looking for the year. So that's fair. That's more fair. That is fair. But kind of, I mean, I felt when somebody was like, no, dude, that's Harry Styles.

I was like, oh, okay, maybe I should have done it. But I also, I don't watch, I don't look at pop culture stuff. Right? Like if somebody asked me like what's going on with the Hubble or what's going on with like the latest in like Alzheimer's research or what's going on the latest in like AI or what's going on in the latest, I'm going to know, I'm going to be aware of that. I don't know about pop culture at all. Okay, so that chat, was it chat GPT or whatever? Is that going to be for real? It is insanely for real.

Is that going to replace writers and shit? Podcasters? Can I do a funny podcast? Here's the thing. So everybody was predicting that software was going to take everybody's jobs. And you know, there is like questionable,

like it helped people were tools to help people work better. When the question comes about AI and whether or not it's going to replace, replace people, it's far more likely that it could replace people. And so we have to be thoughtful about how we apply it, but it might change what people are good at. Because right now you get a ton of credit if you're good at coming up with the creative content

or the quality of the writing or the quality of the interview or the quality of whatever it is. I mean, you could go on right now and go on ChatGPT3 and go, give me 10 questions that I should ask Ashton Kutcher in an interview. You can do that? Yeah, and it'll pop out 10 questions that are, like,

legitimate, decent questions, right? You can go on ChatGPT3 right now and say, who are the 10 greatest Yankees of all time? And it'll pop out arguably the 10 greatest Yankees of all time? And it'll pop out arguably the 10 greatest Yankees of all time. Like, it is that good. But knowing the prompt to give it is the thing that you have. Knowing how to use it effectively is the difference between giving you an extraordinary answer and giving you an answer that, like, you know, anybody could give you.

Right, right, right. And so – but, yeah, it's the real deal. It's crazy. I feel like it's almost like a vibrator, though, where, like, sometimes, like – Use it in addition to? Like, or – but, like, girls are, like – You're going to have Chet Chibithier whispering sweet nothings. Okay. No, no, no. Tell her something more sexy. No, but, like, girls are, like... You're going to have Chet G.P.T. whispering sweet nothings. Okay, no, no, no.

Tell her something more sexy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, like, more, like, more sensual. Well, like, girls will say... No, no, anything that'll turn her on. Just get her to sleep with me. You know, girls will say, like, oh, it's, like, it's great, but, like, sometimes you need skin to

skin contact technically it's more impressive that's the guy they want so i think i think there's i think there's a decent likelihood we went from like the you know agricultural age to like the industrial age and it was like brute force and might that was the king of those eras. And then we came into this like knowledge economy where it was like, you know, just broad intelligence would allow for you to be extraordinarily successful. And it may be that, um, intelligence is about to be really commoditized and everybody is going to have the smartest, best friend in the world. And at which point in time we might move into like the kindness economy where the only thing really left is like the service industry where being a kind human and,

uh, and being good to others and being generous, uh, are the most valuable attributes that a person could have. I like that. That's a good time to live. I don't, yeah, I don't, I don't, as long as you're not a dickhead. Yeah. are the most valuable attributes that a person could have. I like that. That's a good time to live. I don't... As long as you're not a dickhead. A lot of people...

As long as you're not hating on other people. This morning I watched your Thorne speech. I've seen it a bunch of times. If I were to say what I think your career, the best thing in your career is that when it panned out when it panned out

and I've seen it a bunch of times but I think maybe this is the first time I've watched the 16 minute version does it piss you off that half the seats were empty when you rolled in there you're like what the fuck this is serious stuff did you look at the date i it was 2017 so the date that i showed up to congress to talk about this issue and we're talking about

thorn which is a non-profit that i helped i co-founded to fight against the sexual exploitation of children. And we build software that helps private enterprise and law enforcement and people find kids that are being abused. So I show up to talk about it. And I walk in and I meet with John McCain and Bob Corker and a bunch of other people that were Jeff Kuhn. There were a bunch of other people that were Jeff Kuhn. There were a bunch of different senators that were there.

All of a sudden, there's a Russell in the room. I'm like, what's going on? People are coming in whispering in their ears. I'm like, this is like a movie. He's like, excuse me. They go.

He comes back and the next person goes, excuse me, I have to go. And they're all leaving. The day I was there is the day that the Donald Trump Russia, the whole thing dropped on like is Donald Trump in like a conspiratorial something with Russia. And was he a part, was Russia a part of his campaign finance and everything else? And so the whole time, both sides, like Democrats and Republicans are like shuffling in and out because they're going to get caught up on what's going on.

That's going to be hard as fuck to get. I'm sure you're used to that on like sets and things like that. That's going to be hard to give a speech while people just fucking sit down and shut up. Well, I, so I, I, I was aware of it was happening but but to me it didn't matter like i because i i've always looked at that work as like life's work like that's going to be like a multi

decade push uh in order to really do anything effective and it's kind of like chasing the tail too because there's always no more content that's going to be being created or people that are sick that are abusing these kids in these ways. And I can't stop these people from being sick. And so, so we're always going to be working on this. And so part of me was just kind of going like, okay,

I'll be back. Yeah. It's not a one day thing. And yeah, it's not a one day thing and it won't be a one a one-day thing, and it won't be a one-day thing. And the work goes on. And we're, you know, I think, like, in the last year, there were, like, 500 kids.

I think there were, like, 6,000 kids that were identified using our software and, like, 500 kids that were actually rescued. Wow. Like, pulled out of the situation and i think it was like 2 000 people have like you know gotten prosecuted uh and so the work still goes on man yeah um we just keep doing it that's really cool i mean and for someone like yourself who could have just i think it's very easy to just be a model or be an actor and live the easy life. It's really cool that you do real shit that actually matters. Carlos Slim has this crazy quote.

I think that work's important, but this quote from Carlos Slim that always sticks with me is, a lot of people try to make the world a better place for their children when what they should really be doing is making better children for the world. And so I, I take my role as a parent like incredibly seriously, but I also like want the world that they live in to be like a place they want to live in and a place where they're like not being exposed to abuse and

that they're, they're safeguards for like really horrible things that happen. So I think it I think that's incumbent upon all of us to try to do our part. Making us other dads look pretty shitty. Well, thank you very much for coming. Come on, man.

We're getting the rap sign. But check out Your Place or Mine on Netflix. It is fantastic. Great to have you back in the rom-com game. It's super fun. It's an absolute pleasure. And watch out for the Whistlepig Man. Watch out for the Whistlepig. Let's make some fucking app to save us from It was an absolute pleasure. And watch out for the Whistlepig Man. Watch out for the Whistlepig. Let's make him some fucking app to save us from the Whistlepig Man. Watch out for the Whistlepig.

This dude swindled me. Make sure you subscribe to KFC Radio on YouTube to get all the video content. Subscribe, comment, like, and make sure you turn on the bell notification so you know whenever new video content drops. I want to say something សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.