KFC Radio - Aubrey Plaza || Dave Portnoy and Other Barstool Employees Might Move Back to Boston
Episode Date: August 2, 2022Timecodes: 0:00 - Feits' feminine shirt 6:55 - Girls hate this Influencer 19:40 - Feits is Gassy 21:01 - Barstool Moving back to Boston? 42:35 - KFC's kids went to a Yankees game 50:41 - Andrew Tate ...won't have much time left 58:47 - Guy With Crypto Hard drive 1:06:05 - Taylor Swift's Private Plane 1:16:09 - Deshaun Watson's suspension 1:19:04 - Pav's shocking admission 1:26:10 - Snake Bite Pill 1:28:04 - Nick's Comically Large Couch 1:34:37 - Video Voicemails 1:51:12 - Aubrey Plaza Interview ----------------- Cortina Health: Get your first month free with promo code KFC at https://barstool.link/CortinaKFC Hellofresh: Go to https://barstool.link/HFKFC and use code kfc16 for 16 free meals across 7 boxes AND 3 free gifts!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr
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Cut that.
I keep forgetting what we're talking about. Big news for the first time ever.
Huge.
Huge.
Huge.
Enormous.
Big mistake.
Huge.
Not the tour.
Nope.
I jumped.
Yeah.
Kevin, go. KFC Radio is. Huge. Not the tour. Nope. I jumped. Yeah. Kevin, go.
KFC Radio is announcing their first ever live tour.
We've done one-off shows here and there.
God, I hate you.
We have five dates available starting in D.C. on September 29th.
Then we're going to be back in New York City at Caroline's on October 19th.
We're going to be then hitting the West Coast for a Denver-Phoenix-LA swing in November 9th, 10th, and the 12th.
So November 9th, we'll be in Denver at the Comedy Works.
November 10th, we'll be in Phoenix, Arizona at the Improv.
And November 12th, we'll be at the Masonic Lounge in Hollywood Forever.
Yeah!
So come to D.C., New York, and the West Coast if you're ready for us.
Yeah!
Get your tickets now available on all the KFC Radio social platforms.
Click the link and bye, bye, bye.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, baby.
I bet I fart 21 times this episode.
You didn't call the shot.
You actually did it.
Farted 21 times.
It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.
It's your boy KFC.
It's my man Feidelberg rocking a shirt
that honestly is
turning me on because it's supposed to be
worn by a lady. This is a really
nice shirt. How about that?
I don't doubt it.
Was it expensive? Oh yeah. How much?
How much did you get? $180.
No. $200. No.
Higher? Yeah. $350.
A little higher.
$375?
It's like 395 I think Wow
I can pull it up
I'll tell you exactly
How much it costs
What brand is that?
Not telling you
No free ads
Actually fuck it
Bro
Hey
If you recognize this shirt
I was gonna say
I'll fucking say it
If you send me a bunch more free clothes
I was gonna say
Say it right now
Maybe actually
They're probably not in the
If they're doing this
they're probably not
in the game for fucking
yeah bro
they're gonna send me
a cease and desist
for wearing it
see this is the thing
with fights
I don't even know
what that is
Cavs would probably
know what it is
but I don't even know
what it is
it is
it is flames
but don't you also
see it's funny
because I also feel like
you're like a thrift shopper
guy
and like you could find that I just buy shit I think it's cool oh wait i was wrong so so like i feel like you
could find that exact shirt like the old at a starvation army oh no no no no no no no i don't
i don't high quality no no i'm just saying i don't like to work i don't like to i'm a thrift
shopper okay got it got it as this has been curated and it's expensive. I don't want to actually go looking for it.
You're a vintage shop.
Yeah.
I've fallen for that before.
It's like, let's go thrifting.
It's vintage stores and it's like, everything's $300.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It's crazy.
They've curated the good stuff.
Remember that t-shirt I had?
The Holes?
From 1969?
No, not that one.
That one was amazing.
The one I bought that day.
It was like, I think a $100 t-shirt that just was so ill-fitting.
And it was like – the neck was like – I still have that t-shirt because it's a fucking sick t-shirt.
It just says like technology on it.
And it looks like a bunch of like Microsoft art around it.
It is fucking funny.
Technology.
See, those are shirts I want to try to sell like
i see some of these things and it's like you can't you can't sell that shirt that can't be
mass produced like like if we were to just put another word on a shirt like that it wouldn't
work yeah you got to just find those in the wild right and have it be a one-off you can't recreate
that sort of thing the my favorite one was the Woodstock one that you thought was original.
Yeah.
Because it said 1969 on it, and the tag was a brand that was invented in 2003.
No, it was the 80s.
It was the 80s.
It was the 80s, okay.
But it was like a long time after Woodstock.
Yeah, and now whenever I wear that, I'd be like, is that the original Woodstock?
I'm like, no.
I wish I was a liar and I could just tell you, yes, it is.
I'm like, it's not.
And then I tell them the whole story, and they're like, all right, I don't fucking care. I don't was a liar and I could just tell you, yes, it is. I'm like, it's not. And I tell them the whole story.
And they're like, all right, I don't fucking care.
I don't fucking care that much.
Your bill's $18.36.
It's going to be a cash or card.
That was a moment that happened.
I was explaining it to the Amtrak bartender type deal.
Whatever, dude.
She's like, I don't fucking, I don't know.
I was trying to make the day pass and you ruined mine i listened to a an interesting podcast these two girls do a a
podcast called celebrity memoirs book club they just read celebrity memoirs and they talk about
it bro sorry no good i i was home this weekend, and I was just looking at one of my parents' bookshelves.
Dude, look up.
I didn't look it up, but I actually didn't pick it up.
Mark Twain's autobiography.
It was volume one.
It was the biggest book I've ever seen in my life.
Just for volume one, too.
It was.
Bro, I want to see how many pages.
Just about his own fucking life?
Dude, it was crazy how thick it was.
How long do you think your autobiography would be, front to back?
Ten pages?
I'm not even kidding.
Ten chapters, one page per chapter.
Like childhood.
Kind of got molested a bunch of times.
Page two, like college.
Went around to too many colleges never fit in
chapter three like got an internship
at barstool chapter four created
Saturdays for the boys chapter five
like didn't
get anything for Saturdays for the boys
chapter six
is
no yeah chapter
five would be like moving to New York
chapter six would be Saturdays for the Boys.
Chapter seven.
That was pretty New York.
Yeah, yeah.
That was the summer before.
Right around there.
Moving and then Saturdays for the Boys are together.
And then chapter seven would be like the beginning of Sad Boy season.
And then like eight, nine, ten would be like the last three things that have happened this year.
And that's your life right there.
Chapter nine is I saw Mark Twain's autobiography.
That autobiography's section here.
I looked it up.
Actually, it's shorter than I thought.
It's 792 pages.
That's some George R.R. Martin shit for volume 1 of your autobiography.
It was.
There must be, like, the copy they have, the version they have,
must be, like, I don't know.
It was way thicker than 792.
These two girls read the Danielle Bernstein. You know that girl, the We War What show?
Remember the girl that Bennett made fun of, that Dave made her take it down because he's friends with her?
Yes.
So that girl is regarded as like the worst girl on the internet.
The We War What?
She War What?
We War What.
Yeah, that always fucks me up because I always think it should be
What we wear
But the podcast is called Who What Wear
And she just called hers
Who wore what
So she just like jacked that as well
She is known for
Buying her followers
She's known for buying out her clothes
To make them look like they sold out
Like she buys them herself
So this memoir she's now like 27 but her memoir
is like talking about her time as like a 19 year old and it's like i'm talking about her life
experience and it's like bitch you don't have any and these two girls who probably deep down are
somewhat similar to like this kind of girl.
Like they probably want to be like famous podcasters and famous like in the scene.
And she.
Yes, Jackie.
Yeah, no big deal.
Can I help you in the middle of the cameras?
Dude, sorry.
So this girl is known for, unfortunately, she photoshops her body every chance she can get.
That's what Alex Bennett called her out for.
She steals.
The reason why I brought this all up is because she goes to thrift shops, finds these things,
and then just steals the design.
Smart.
I mean, you know.
The difference, it would be like Barstool if we were claiming to be like leading the fashion industry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So she like steps on the little guy.
She's a fraud.
She's a phony.
She talks about how like oppressive, you know, being a female, like the expectations can be.
But then she just continues to like Photoshop herself and lead you into it.
Anyway, these two girls read the memoir, and it's actually a funny concept.
I think this one kind of blew up a little bit for them on TikTok,
so maybe their podcast is going to go.
I don't know if there's anybody as controversial as this girl, though.
They just read clips, like segments,
what are they called, like excerpts of the book,
and then just like trash her.
And I mean, this book is like comical, dude.
It's like the entire thing is one giant name drop,
and talking about like, I think at one point she had dated,
she had been with like four people total in her life.
And she was giving out dating advice.
And she sold one shirt and was talking about being at the top of the fashion industry.
But boy, do bitches hate this chick.
Do you know Daniel Bernstein?
Do you love her or hate her?
I don't like her.
Yeah.
I mean, it's one or the other.
It's one or the other.
This chick is...
But I feel for her.
I mean, I don't feel for her.
I just think it's interesting.
Because I know that I'm viewed that way from some people, too.
If I were to write a book, I'm sure there would be people who would sit down and hate
read it and take out these little segments.
And I would hope it would be better than that.
I mean, this is garbage.
It's like if you wrote a book saying that Gossip Girl was real.
It's just all a Gossip Girl book, but it's her life.
I actually don't know gossip.
I know.
I've heard gossip.
It's just like imagine if you wrote a book trying to –
and the girls say as much if you listen to the show.
I think it's called Celebrity Memoirs Book Club, so I don't want to just reiterate everything they said.
But they said it's just like if you were writing a book to look cool to a 12-year-old girl.
That's what this is.
Like my boyfriend was handsome and my clothes were pretty and I worked in a big building.
And it was like, you know, I live in, yeah, even just read the thing.
This is not a fashion story.
Taking chances, breaking rules, and being a boss in the big city.
That's the fucking title.
I followed her for like a long time.
I used to think that she was like the sickest person ever.
And now I'm like.
You suck.
Yeah.
But.
Read the intro.
The first paragraph is unbelievable.
Five years ago.
Oh, man, my eyes are going.
Fuck.
Five years ago on the kind of bright morning that reminds me why I wanted to live in Manhattan,
I woke up besides a naked male model and decided to write a book.
His name was Elevator Hunk.
Obviously, that's not the guy's legal name.
His passport doesn't list Elevator Hunk above his birth date.
Really?
But it was the nickname my friends and I gave him during our many weeks of stalking.
She definitely had a word quota.
Yeah, well, I mean –
I love how chicks can just get away with stalking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a fun thing.
It's so weird, right?
But like –
It is like there's just such a – we're just thrown around.
Right.
It's like, oh, I was stalking you.
After months of doing that illegal thing that like tormented people.
I was in the bushes outside your apartment.
The whole book is like that.
You want to see Star?
I'll show you Star.
Fuck it.
But man, I've never seen someone get like,
this girl gets hate, dude.
Hate.
People despise her.
But I also kind of tip my cap
because she just keeps going like i don't i
think this book was put on sale like a couple weeks ago and like the first first day it was
like 25.99 and now amazon has it for like 11 because i think it's just like not selling
but she just like puts her head down and pretends something happening like she gets outed where the
the designer will be like that's my design here it is. I know for a fact that you saw my design at XYZ event,
and now you're selling it.
Fuck you.
You robbed that from me.
And she just blocks, blocks, blocks, moots, moots, moots,
and keeps it going.
And I'm kind of like, yo, this chick.
Her book should be more like how to snake it through your life
and how to just pretend that, just to block out all the haters
part of me i'm almost like you know yeah this is the real battle you know it's it's easy to be an
actual fashionista what's hard is to fake it and to have everyone know you're faking it and still
just make tons and tons of money but i'm sure she comes from from you know money and has it all set. But what's very funny is the fact that Dave went to like battle for her
and called Alex and Jordan mean girls.
And like she is that girl.
Yeah.
It's like sticking up for Regina George and calling other girls mean.
Like it's genuinely the one girl on the internet you can't do that for.
And Dave did it for her, which is kind of perfect.
It really fits in perfectly.
She's got the table at the club, and that's why Dave likes it or whatever,
but it would be like being on Amber Heard's side in a relationship
or something like that.
It's like, no, no, no, no, not this chick.
So anyway, that is all to say that she's the type of chick who would steal that shirt from a thrift shop and then sell it herself and wear it herself.
I bought it.
Because it's a female shirt.
It's not a female shirt.
I walked in to do a couple of swipe ups and shit for Jackie, and she just goes, it's just like it's the neckline.
The neckline is from her.
I was like, Jackie, I haven't even said hi to you yet.
But, again, you just pull it off.
Thanks.
That's nice.
It's one of the most valuable traits in life.
And I've said this many times, and it can kind of morph it into however you see fit.
Manny being Manny is the most important thing in life.
And it's a reference to Red Sox player.
I can't believe we're old enough that I have to kind of describe this now.
There would have been a time 10, 15 years ago I said Manny being Manny.
Everyone in the Barstool world would know what I mean.
Manny Ramirez, baseball player for the Red Sox.
Monster at the plate.
One of the best hitters of all time.
But also the biggest doofus out there.
He's like a Gronk, the Gronk of baseball.
Doesn't know how to, like, read or write.
Can't, you know, can't do a simple math problem,
but could tell you exactly what pitch is coming on a 2-2 count in the bottom of the seventh on a day game in the playoffs.
But what his thing, Manny being Manny,
meant he can kind of do whatever he wants,
act however he wants, say, fuck up, fall down, whatever.
And people just go, ah, it's just Manny being Manny.
Whereas like if A-Rod would like fart at dinner, someone was like, this man needs to be put
in jail.
Um, and I think I've talked about that before.
Like the, the, the, when I did that A-Rod documentary
On storyboards
Like
It's because
A-Rod put out this image
Of like
Professional
And like squeaky clean
Or
Not even clean
But just like
I am
Put together
And I play baseball
That when he did fuck up
It was like
Ooh get him get him get him
Whereas Manny fucks up every day
Or Dennis Rodman does something wild It's like Yeah what else is new Yeah you drown him in fuck ups Yeah it was like, ooh, get him, get him, get him, get him. Whereas Manny fucks up every day or Dennis Rodman does something wild.
It's like, yeah, what else is new?
Yeah, you drown him and fuck up.
Yeah, it's kind of like the Tyson zone that Bill Simmons coined where you expect anything for those guys.
So Manny being Manny, I think, can kind of apply to like certain anything in life.
And I think you're kind of at that Manny being Manny stage when it comes to fashion.
Yeah.
When it comes to style.
I like that.
I actually was compared to Manny Ramirez on my high school baseball team.
For how you played?
Both.
It was more how I acted.
Because you're a goofball, but then you could rake?
Like, one kid's teammate's dad was like, you just remind me of Manny.
You're just like, you don't even really know what's going on.
I swear.
I'd rather be a Manny.
I'd rather be known as the guy who like,
wouldn't you, like anybody, not anybody,
but a lot of people can be good at something
if they like bust their ass
and dedicate their entire life to it.
I think it's cooler to be the guy to be like,
oh, I'm up?
Oh, all right, give me a bag, give me a helmet.
Home run, you know?
That's so much cooler to me.
I was at a Sox game with my uncle, and he just yelled for no reason.
He just goes, that man in left field doesn't know what month it is.
Wait, who said this?
My uncle.
About you?
No, no, no.
It was Manny.
Oh, to Manny?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I thought you were talking about in a Little League game.
No, no, no.
That's true about Manny too. And I still remember the stakes. I'm like, yeah, he. I thought you were talking about in a Little League game. No, no, no. That's true about Manny, too.
And I still remember the stakes.
I'm like, yeah, he does it.
Remember the story about his game checks?
Where he just forgot them?
Manny would have his game checks.
And I'm sure there's probably direct deposit or something.
So I don't think he's not getting his money.
But stacks of them in the cubby on top of his locker where the reporters are like, what is that?
And he's like, oh, you know, like for a game, like for a game like 450 000 like i don't know whatever dude he had so my grandparents
lived in the same building as him um for a while i think i don't know exactly how long or whatever
but uh apartment yeah in boston and um they they told me that the the concierge whatever you call
receptionist front desk guy when manny moved moved out, was telling them, like,
Manny, so there's a bunch of Soxies
that used to live there.
And one was that Manny
came down one time
after the season
and gave them a trash bag.
Oh, yeah.
And was like,
can you just hang on to this for me?
Or whatever.
Or like, can you have it shipped to the house?
And then they forgot to ship it to him
or something like that.
And when he came back
for the next season,
they're like, Mr. Ramirez, you forgot forgot this year and he's like oh thank you and
it was his silver slug reward all the fucking all the awards right clanking around trophies in a
bag the best i think that is like so much cooler of a way to be like if you if you are like this fashion fucking nut always trying it just feels
like whatever you put on it works it's just the vibe bro it is but that's the vibe you've made
for like your life like we could have the same exact body shape and still wouldn't work because
like i just have not people don't know me as that guy yeah You know what I mean? But isn't that so weird?
It should be like a visual thing.
It should just be like,
my eyeballs look at you,
and does that work or not?
But it's like,
I know who you are
and what you say
and how you act,
and so it doesn't.
You carry yourself
in kind of a different way.
I don't know what month it is.
That's what helps.
I actually don't.
Maybe we should try this. It's July. No, no, it's August 1st's what helps. I actually don't. Maybe we should try this.
It's July. No, it's August 1st.
Maybe we should try this
in the fall when clothes are a little more
stylish. What if I just dress
like you for two weeks?
I'm down for that. Either
we go somewhere and shop and you
pick it out or I literally wear some of your
clothes from your wardrobe.
I think we go literally.
Then it's like a literal comparison.
Then it's like I could try and throw it a bit if I was buying clothes for you.
These are like I could get something that's even a little extreme for me.
Yeah, right, right.
This is actually my shirt.
But just to see.
You got to wear underwear too, though.
No, no, no.
No, that's not going to work.
Dude, speaking of underwear, I have farted like five times to you already.
Well, tell the people why.
I just ate a part of my cheesesteak.
I was in the kitchen.
No, no, no.
You ate a part of my cheesesteak in how many minutes?
Well, I was in the kitchen, and someone on the social team,
in fact, I don't feel bad.
I don't know her name.
This is the first time I've ever seen her.
So many new people.
She came up to me, and she said,
would you try and eat this in a minute and a half and i said why not so i tried to eat a part of my
cheese steak in a minute in a minute and a half uh i did not succeed i came pretty goddamn close
um but then once once we finished she goes thank you so much you're literally the only person who
said yes that's like who the fuck is saying no? Everybody!
Why?
Who's in the middle of the fucking workday?
That's actually, I take fucking, I can't think of the word, I'm just going to keep saying
I take, I take, I take, I take, I take an issue with that.
Okay.
Take umbrage.
I take umbrage with this.
Like, hey, fucking people at Barstool Sports, if someone asks you to do something, just
fucking do it.
Yeah, well, that's true.
That's why.
Who the fuck do you think you are saying no to eating a cheesesteak fast?
It's a free lunch.
I had to work for it, but it was a free lunch.
It's a free lunch.
I'm shitting my pants right now.
But hey, I think you're right, though.
If you're one of the people who fucking said no to doing a social clip for somebody, suck a fucking dick.
Yeah, well, that's why you're you, and that's why they're them, though.
They'll be bums, and you'll be successful
because that's how you fucking make it in this game,
and that's how you make it at this company.
Shout out to
Massachusetts, by the way. Yeah.
Do you think that Massachusetts has
legalized gambling, collegiate and professional,
online and...
...
...
Do you think that means... I think Dave has kind of said, when that happens, I will move back to Boston. online and in person.
Do you think that means,
I think Dave has kind of said when that happens,
I will move back to Boston.
I don't know.
I think that means I will get a house in Boston because I think he's addicted to the Miami life.
But first of all, when that happens,
and also Dave had a tweet that said,
we're in.
It's not like New York.
We didn't get in because of politics
and people not liking Barstool.
Six.
This sounds like we're in New Like, it's not like New York. We didn't get in because of, like, politics and people not liking Barstool. This sounds like we're in in New York.
Exactly.
Jesus.
Is it just like...
Those little ones?
Eight.
Do you think that you could get up and blow it all out?
Or it's got to be...
Like, can I sit up and shit my pants?
Yeah.
Well, not shit, but do you think you can get up
and just give us, like, a Tom Segura's mom? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, I shit my pants. Yeah, I'll get up and shit my pants? Yeah. Well, not shit, but do you think you can get up and just give us a Tom Segura's mom phone?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I mean, I shit my pants.
Yeah, I'll get up and shit.
Let's draw the line there.
Manny being Manny, we'll draw the line of shitting yourself on camera.
This ain't, you know, pardon my shit dogs or whatever.
Shit my pants dog.
Your fart counter threw me off.
Oh.
It doesn't smell like that. I don't really have that.
You can smell a little bit.
Being told that there's seven farts in the air over there,
that's eight.
I don't have.
I'll occasionally have a go.
I don't smell as bad as you think I should smell.
No.
Something happens.
Armpits and all that shit. You don't smell as bad as you think i should smell no well something happens armpits and all that shit you don't smell bad when you should stank um but we're gonna make
everybody's gonna make so much money in massachusetts because of the the props that we
put up the odd boost that we give it's not just the the company and pen and the app making money
but oh my god i mean everybody in new england and once everybody you know gets legalized along with
is that a fart no okay uh i mean that's gonna be i'd say none that's gonna be a lot of money it's
hopefully everybody hopefully because i just did because i said so um with content kim and she
asked uh about i guess one of the things people said to ask.
Oh, that was wet.
Ten.
Ten.
I snuck it a little.
Ten.
No, no, no.
That was not a tenth fart.
That's your first poop.
That was juicy, bro.
I hope that the headphones, like, I hope you're all listening in HD headphones. That was like,
that went like this.
Even wetter than that.
That one I can smell, too.
And he has
the nerve to count it out
loud as if we didn't know Eleven just arrived.
Oh, by the way, Eleven,
no fucking kidding,
bro. There's a hole in your pants, man.
You ripped a hole through the mesh in your chair.
Do you want to go do a safety wipe?
I think you might need to.
Do we have dude wipes today?
Jesus Christ on the cross.
I was going to say, hopefully everyone makes money,
because I guess people had told Content Kim to ask me about my investments.
And she was like, so what are you investing?
I think, you know, obviously people more talking about the uh north carolina atlanta at noon and
just 45 minutes in the airport but but my first one my my heaviest investment would be ben so
right hopefully right uh i i really think that makes a like should be a very big deal
stock wise and all that shit.
Now, Dave looked into buying the Milton office, I believe.
First of all, hopefully it's available.
Second of all, if it's not, I think Dave's just going to make a godfather offer.
Congratulations to whoever is currently in there.
You're about to get 3x the market rate, and you're going to be like,
what the fuck is going on here?
Oh, it's for a joke?
Okay.
Do we know who bought it?
No.
There was a real team. Or was it sold right away?
No, it was vacant for a while, I think.
And then, no, I haven't driven a basset in a while.
I don't know.
There's some art gallery there right now, let's say, who's about to get, Dave's about
to be like, how about I give you $10 million?
What?
What is happening?
That could be cool.
I think we should have a museum.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel like maybe I've said this before, but, you know, when you go to like, you go to Baltimore, I think,
and you can go to like Edgar Allen Poe's apartment, and they have a room that's at least set up to look like his or whatever.
I think we recreate it.
We fucking hang up that girl's dog. I bet people change the rug. I think we recreate it. We fucking hang up that girl's thong.
I bet people change the rug.
I bet people...
I don't know.
We gotta like pit my ride.
Like pit my apartment.
Pit my office.
Like we recreate.
We make it shitty on purpose.
We nail the thong to the wall.
We put the posters up again.
We have...
That was 12, 13, 14, 15.
You know what's exceptionally funny?
When people say...
You're going to do it again.
I'm waiting for you to go 16, 17.
You're good for like 30 seconds.
When people say things like
that person could just get up and
fart into it i thought you did again no when people say like that guy could just like fart
into a mic and it would be funnier than your podcast i don't think that statement holds true
because it's funny when you fart when you fart into a podcast it's funny it's up there with like
some of the best podcasting so it's like yeah if you can get up and fart on command into a microphone that is funny that would be a top 10 podcast if there was someone who just
every day just got up there and you could just listen to it for 10 seconds every day at the same
time i would be impressed i would be impressed i'll be impressed if you make it through this
without shitting your pants i probably will because you're pushing i'm gonna get it because
now you're getting cocky Yeah now you're
You're like taking a shit
You're basically going to take
Not shit your pants
You're going to take a shit
On this podcast
Thank god Jackie's not in the room
I think
If Jackie came in the room
Well actually Jackie
I can't believe it doesn't smell
It's crazy
I
I
Pat come put your nose
In John's butt
Tell me if it smells
When I was doing
The Swaybub stuff for Jackie,
I was just doing a mic check, and as I said, I burped,
and then I was like, sorry, I just had a cheesesteak in a minute and a half.
I am Cassie.
Stand up.
She just goes, you don't need to say everything.
We're all good.
I just want to see, is it not smelly because you're trapping it in,
or is it just not smelly because you're notpping it in, or is it just not smelly because, you know, you're not smelly?
This is disgusting.
You're disgusting.
When Kim said, like, what else should I talk about with Feidelberg other than puking,
and you were like, I've become the puke guy.
You've been the puke guy for a long time now, and you've known it,
and now you're the fart guy.
You shit your pants with couscous.
You puke every day at work.
You're the fart guy now.
I'm a disgusting beast
I know
You really are
What's it like an unsomethingable brute
In Seinfeld
You are
I don't know I'm uncouth
Well that's because
You ate
Greasy food
In under 90 seconds
By the way
Before we do this,
the idea like Masters,
if they all go back there,
I wouldn't move back, obviously.
No, we'll talk about it in a second.
If you don't want to be
disgusting
like Feidelberg,
make sure you get your HelloFresh.
My problem is I've been on the road for two weeks.
I haven't had your HelloFresh. I've been postponing the meals. Today, we're here for a full week. I got your HelloFresh My problem is I've been on the road for two weeks I haven't had your HelloFresh
I've been postponing the meals
That's the problem
Today we're here for a full week
I got my HelloFresh
I know it does
I mean we've been on the go man
You more so even than me
I haven't even been in my
Even when I've been home
I stay at my parents place with my kids and stuff
I've barely been in my own bed
I've barely been eating my own meals
And that's the difference
Let's see what we got today
What's coming over to the Feidelberg household
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It's a tuckity of pork bowls, lobster ravioli in a lemon cream sauce.
Yeah.
Lemon cream.
You can put on anything, dude.
Dude.
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That's a fucking delicious deal.
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and you can have these delicious meals.
Maybe not 90 seconds, but they are between 20 and 30 minutes to cook.
Also, how about this what you just said john you paused it and you resumed it you can also just get a sense of your
vacation yeah yeah oh that's what i did during heavy lockdown when i went home so you can change
it you're going out to the jersey shore you're going out to the hamptons you're going to la
you don't want to just pause it or stop it. You can say,
you know what, send them here, only do it for a week and then bounce back and get it back sent
to your home. It's, you know, the number one food service. We've been doing it forever. John,
the only reason John is still alive to this day is because of it. And you learn how to,
and you learn how to rattle those pots and pans. We'll talk about that in a little bit,
our experience with Bert. Oh no, we already did that on the podcast, right?
Yes.
We talked about Bert?
Yeah.
But Bert was, you know, he had all of those ingredients ready to rock.
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kfc16 get 16 free meals plus the three gifts so boston is back on the table milton to be specific
who knows maybe something like actually in downtown boston um you know dave has always said
he'll go back there i think it's more about having a place there,
maybe retiring there one day, going reverse retirement almost.
I don't know.
But I would imagine there's a lot of people from the Boston area
who would love to have a Boston office and go back home.
And you're saying you would not be one of them.
Not that I would not be one of them.
First of all, I'll probably just go.
I tweeted it last night, but I'll probably just go wherever PFT goes
because me and him are starting our own podcast because fuck you and Dan.
Bert Kreischer did say that the KFC podcast and the Big Cat podcast.
Barstool's number one for me.
And it's the Big Cat and KFC.
Okay, right.
We're the number one shows.
If you haven't seen the clip, we'll run it right here whitney
cummings asked bert top three places if you could only go on three places to do press who would you
pick who would you pick number one choice from bert he lumped barstool together he was trying
to say kfc radio and pmt and he said kfc and big cat which as we know is what he does he called
he called to adam sandler's face, he called his movies Happy Madison.
He called Uncut Gems Precious Gems.
It's a miracle he even gets his own fucking name right half the time.
So what he meant to say was this podcast and Pardon My Take are his number one press stop.
Which is, I think, the best thing coming from the best person, the best endorsement you can get right now.
Yeah.
Like more so than like maybe, you know, people like.
I mean, his second was Joe Rogan.
Right.
He goes number two, Joe Rogan.
I was like, what?
I think that's the most, like the best sign of respect we've ever gotten.
And again, coming from a guy who I really trust,
like if Dave Chappelle said it about us,
like I know Dave's like the king comic, but like, I don't know he i don't think he's as plugged in yeah burt is the
king of marketing right and and and everybody agrees with that his promo and his plugs are like
the best and so he's being asked like when you market who do you go to so the king marketer said
this show number one which is like i said here you go like booking team
sales team other uh uh acts entertainers athletes whoever like it's like it's like the sugar night
like come to ksc radio you want your shit plugged come here burke reicher says so but he did slip up
and describe it kind of cutting you two out yeah that's okay i'll survive um the uh the um but no not that i wouldn't go i
think i i think i would i would i would probably hopefully like get an apartment there or something
like that but i don't think i'd be invited i don't think the people who are gonna work there
really like me i i don't think the people that I go with are – I don't think you like them. No, no. I'm like Dave.
Dave and Gaz are nothing like me.
And then Hank.
I think Hank and I get along.
Dave, no.
Gaz likes one person.
Yeah, Gaz.
Gaz, right.
Gaz likes –
Gaz is surprised when he looks around the room and there are other people there.
Here's how I put it.
The same way I say I have two favorite teams, the New York Mets and whoever's playing the New York Yankees.
Yeah, yeah.
Gaz has two favorite people in his life, Gaz and the girl he's fucking.
Whoever it is at the time, you know, and if you can get him, if you're a means to that end,
if you're a club owner, if you own a boat, if you're whatever, in that moment, you're his third.
That's how he lives.
Henny's, he loves you.
Yeah, no, no.
Hank.
Hank is like the head of Barstool now.
So you could go to Barstool, Boston.
I think I'd walk into the Boston office and people would be like, why aren't you here?
I think I'd like to work there
But I do not think
I'd be invited to work there
I bet when our contracts expire
Nobody talks to us
I think the same thing
That happened to Jared
Is going to happen to us
Where
Like one day
I'm going to pick up
And be like
I don't think I work here anymore
My key card just stops working
Yeah
They're going to be like
Oh your contract expired
Oh okay
I could genuinely
See that happening Where they just forget that our contracts are up.
But is there a list of people?
I mean, those are the four you're thinking of.
But are there other people who are like, oh, I'm going to the Boston office?
Not that I've spoken to.
I don't really know who's from Boston here.
Well, we had the end Of the Coley era
Right
Unfortunately
See you later
To the McMahon
Best of luck to him
I told my dad
My dad was distraught
He said
He's like
Coley's
My dad has
A lot of pictures
In his gym
And he's like
Coley's on the wall
Yeah he's
Oh that's right
And
He's like
Coley's on the wall
Coley's on the wall twice
There are very few people
On the wall twice It's like Woza And fucking Coley It's you Cole's on the wall. Cole's on the wall twice. There are very few people on the wall twice.
It's like Woza and fucking Cole.
It's you?
I'm on the wall twice?
Yeah, because there's a picture of us at the figure skating.
There's a picture of us at...
Warms my heart.
Couchella?
Yeah.
The Wilbur one.
I'm honored.
Dave's on the wall.
The Brady four's on the wall a couple of times. Yeah. And then after that, those are probably the only Barstool boys on the wall. The Brady Four's on the wall a couple of times.
Yeah.
And then after that, those are probably the only Barstool boys on the wall.
And the McMahon.
Yeah.
I texted a picture of it, and he sent a heartfelt.
I honestly don't know if it's heartfelt, but it made me tear up.
Yeah.
I'm going to miss Cole very much.
That's a sad one to see go.
I don't quite understand.
Actually, I actually don't know if I've ever told this story,
where I'm going to read you what he said.
Where is it here?
Coley, Coley, Coley, Coley, Coley, Coley.
Coley, Coley, Coley, can't you see?
He says, Papa fights, really entire fights fam.
Whatever, this part's not important.
He said, I will be around, ready to be attacked, ready to keep my pregnancy secret from my wife.
Have I told you about that?
When I saw Coley at a Pats game, I saw Coley and his wife at a Pats game.
And Coley kind of nudged me.
She was talking to my dad.
And he kind of nudged me and pointed to her.
And he went, do.
And I was like, oh, are you pregnant again?
He's like, yeah.
And then I didn't bring it up with her because I was like, maybe she doesn't know.
That she's pregnant?
Yeah.
Like the way he kind of whispered to me made me like, shit, this is like.
That's what I said.
Keep it locked down.
I had the same exact thing.
I think we were doing an M on the asshole, and I almost said that out that out loud and i was like this is one of the stupidest things i've
ever said that she might not know that she's pregnant yeah yeah congratulations you fucking
morons like all right let's fucking keep this there is a one percent chance that like if i don't know
how but it could happen but that is very funny yeah but that that's also a testament to how much
of a a vault that you are
and B,
how little you want to be involved
in like drama and shit.
It's like,
I'm not going to tell that person
because even who knows.
I'm not going to say congratulations
to the pregnant woman
in case she's not aware.
But even more so,
what if Coley wasn't supposed
to tell somebody yet?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm always just like,
I think through these things.
I'm like,
could anybody,
can I get in trouble for this in any way
You know how you can't get in trouble
Shut your fucking mouth
Ain't getting in trouble for that
I don't quite get the
The joke kind of the end there
Trading Coley to DraftKings
But
If you listen to the A-Port
I'm sure that's kind of what they arrived at
It does mark Jared and Coley leaving marks some sort of turning point.
Yeah, like those are two – who else is a Boston person?
Oh, geez.
Oh, Boston.
Yeah, oh, geez.
It's like it's the big guys, us, and that's it for the OGs.
Boston, yeah, I mean –
I'm sure there are people who are in production and editing
from Boston who I don't know about content.
Brianna's from Boston.
I don't think Brianna's going back to Boston anytime soon.
No, no, no. Brianna is going
to Los Angeles. She's in Los Angeles.
I don't think she's ever going to come back.
We were going
to the comedy store, and
Bri was trying
to get on the list, and she she was asking me and I wanted to be
like I'm about to ask you I wanted to be like you're the famous one here do you not do you not
get that's why Brie's awesome because I don't think she does get it yet uh if you also if you
haven't listened to the last episode I feel like like LA was like a different podcast I want to
go listen to those podcasts in case you haven't i'm sure you've listened to both but you guys
almost getting those tattoos was banana absolutely wacky shit next time you guys are coming we're
going to la having these two having jackie there specifically but both you guys to capture all that
shit would have been there was enough stupidity floating around having these two morons alongside would have been even more ridiculous
the way you two gassed each other up partying
I woke up the next day and I was like
I was calling you the Bonnie and Clyde of drinking
and partying
at one point I said like
Bree was sneaky drunk
and Fights was not and I remember
leaning over to Nick and I was like
what happened there was almost the same thing at Whistlepig
we were at Burt's and I had like five liquor drinks.
Yeah, I had an old-fashioned and a whiskey.
And that was it the whole time.
I think you guys like doubled that and then something.
Yeah, yeah.
And you were drinking pint glasses, Burt style.
I was in the back and Peter kept just, he got me in like Miller Lite, Miller Lite.
Yeah, you were getting.
Well, so that night at the bar
though i was like uh i was like john's shit face i don't know about brie and i was saying it to
nick and nick was like well i'm shit face he's like so am i actually everybody got bombed that
night except for me really and and i was talking to josh potter i don't think i've said this on
the podcast yet he also was buying tequila gold shots In those like
Goblets of some sort
Some people didn't do theirs and I did theirs
Yeah
But I wasn't bombed
But Josh was talking to me
And he said something that was very funny
And stuck with me
He was talking about how I'm always doing
One Minute Man or KFC Radio
And because I'm doing One Minute Man
It's like I gotta know about the kardashians i'm doing the mets i gotta know
this this like all all like the walks of life and he was like do you ever get like tired just
having like all that going in your brain and he said that i was uh dr manhattan from the watchman
yeah you know he couldn't be in a relationship because he knows everything all at once the past
and the future and all of time like all at once he was like one day man he goes i hope someone
just comes and hits you in the fucking head with a baseball bat and just makes your brain go like
to mush think about this anymore and he used a different word he said turns you you know into
something else and he was hammered and he kept saying and it was very funny but i was like oh god
i get it but uh but calling me dr manhattan almost made me i had like an anxiety attack i was like
yeah you're right you're right there is too much going on in my brain uh we're we're we're getting
in yay yeah there's a there's a manny being manny and then there's dr manhattan yeah yeah right i
we just need to even out halfway if you could just take half of these things out of my brain
and i could just get half of your emptiness, it would be great.
No, yeah, you don't want to.
Yeah, I don't want to.
Absolutely.
You played it right, man.
You don't want to be documented.
You played it right being a stupid asshole.
You have, though.
You really fucking have.
I want to be John when I grow up.
Anyway, where were we?
We're all over the place right now.
So this weekend, I do have too much going on in my brain.
And there's one thing that has just completely preoccupied me recently.
I went away for the weekend.
And I usually have my kids every Saturday, every week.
And I pretty much try to never miss that.
Only for work and
shows and stuff like that but
went away this weekend
one Saturday away
and I text them like how's
everything going what are you guys up to
and they went to a Yankee game
oh no
they went to a Yankee game
and I actually it's an episode that's coming up Yankee game. Oh, no. They went to a Yankee game.
And I actually, it's an episode that's coming up.
Fuck me, dude.
That's fucked.
Sickler's episode of The Honeydew that I was on.
When we were out in LA, we went on Sickler's podcast,
Fights and I, separately.
In my episode, we talked a lot about being a divorced dad and dealing with new people coming into the relationships
and stuff like that.
And I was like, no, everything's good.
We're all friends.
Everything's fine.
Go away for one Saturday.
And everybody's in pinstripes.
Dude, that is fucking crazy.
That is something.
That's like, I mean, I don't know what your son's dick situation is,
but, like, that would be like getting him circumcised behind your back if you would want.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, no, my son's going to have foreskin,
and they're like, you went away for a weekend.
Guess what?
You got snipped.
Like, you can't come back from it.
First ball game, right?
First ball game.
That's what really upsets me.
Baseball's my thing.
I should have had that moment.
And it should have been it with the Mets.
And we talked about it.
Football was a free agent.
If they want to be Giants fans, that's okay.
You can raise them Giants fans.
I was like, I've got to have baseball.
And that was agreed upon.
So you guys were a Yankee Giants, Jets, Mets household?
Yeah.
No wonder.
I've always, I've never dated, I have never dated a,
because there's so much more.
You know, like, Jackie, you're so lucky you missed a lot. Oh, you think that that was a good jesus christ by the way you need a jesus christ compilation he farted 15 times while you
were 15 he told me when we were like um um oh no he said he's gassy right yeah he said i'm gassy
he was they were like loud. I said,
thank God Jackie's not here. I think he would have quit.
It would have been nature.
Can we open a door? It's surprisingly
not smelly though. I don't care.
I know. It's like we're breathing it in.
This place is disgusting. That's a good point.
We probably should open a door.
Enrique came in here last
week and was like, can I schedule
a cleaning day for this place?
I'm like, you go right ahead, buddy
You do whatever you want
Well, that's what people are doing these days
They're doing whatever they want, I guess
Taking people to Yankee Stadium
A lot of pictures were posted
One caption did say
Yankee fans for today
Just for a day
You know
There was some effort to be made to ease my rage
but i was like you got to be fucking kidding me um so i immediately called your lawyer
better i called chris de stefanoano And I said I gotta get in
Cohen's suite
I was like
You gotta
You gotta
So I hit up Stu
I hit up DiStefano
I'm like
I am getting the best
Fucking seats
We're gonna pick a day game
Cause they made it
They only made a couple innings
My kids go to bed early
So like 7 o'clock start
You gotta get Mr. and Mrs. Matt
Like in there
Yeah yeah
We're doing it all
So I'm gonna have to really
Bring the fucking noise
To make sure That they remember the Mets game
and not the fucking Yankees game.
God damn it.
I do want to hit up the Lord.
Are they forming memories yet?
Shea is.
Keegan, I feel like I have memories.
I definitely have memories from six and on.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I feel like I have memories.
Shea is six.
Keegan just turned five.
So Shea's almost seven. Oh, okay, I thought Keegan was four. Yeah, no, yeah. I feel like I have memories. Shea is six. Keegan just turned five. So Shea's almost seven.
Oh, okay.
I thought Keegan was four.
Yeah, no, he just turned five.
So they're making them.
Whether or not they'll remember all of them.
But, yeah, I mean, to take away the first baseball park experience is pretty shitty.
On the one Saturday I go away.
If it was on, if, listen, if they went to the game on a Sunday, it's like, hey, you could plan your shit.
I could plan my shit.
I could have taken them all summer. So I guess like you snooze you lose but i'm like okay well you know what like uh i'm taking shea dress shopping oh speaking of
you want to see have you sold your feet yet you tried to to sell your feet, right? Yeah. I'm about to sell my fucking feet, dude.
You got to check my feet out.
What?
You got to check my toes.
Ready?
The big reveal.
Oh, my God.
Those are some fuckable feet.
Dude.
These are some fuckable feet.
I don't...
I never had a foot fetish, per se, but I am out on feet now.
These are fuckable feet, man.
Dude. Are you kidding me? Look at these toes, Jackie.
These are fucking fuckable.
Feet have been ruined for me.
Ruined.
Why? Because they're so sexy?
And you're afraid of your sexuality?
It is.
I am the exact
opposite of turned on.
I can
defend I am the opposite of turned on.
Did you just nod yes?
I said, you guys, you want to fuck my feet?
I thought you went.
Oh, no.
So here's the funny thing.
What?
Were these professionally done?
That's what's crazy.
Shay did these.
Really?
But they look really.
I mean, if you look really closely, they're not like some of it's on my skin and shit.
But they look from a
Normal distance
I got to get a mic
From like a normal distance
They look professionally done
Yeah they look
So I don't know if you noticed this
Like when we were at
Bird's house the other day
He had his flip flops on
And he had a full set of
Painted nails on one foot
Cause it's a girl dad thing
Your girls want to fucking
Paint your toenails And you let them do it Especially at shay's days his daughters are older so they
probably like fucking around but shay loves to do makeup on people's faces and paint nails so i let
her do it and i really don't like the smell of nail polish and that feeling you know that feeling
jackie of nail polish you know what's up let jackie start painting my nails. We were really bored.
I let her start with the pinky and by halfway through the pinky, I'm like,
you just don't know how to do this.
You wanted the pinky done.
I was going to let you go if you started doing a good job.
It was like all the way down.
Is it white? Is that what she was doing?
This is how far she got.
My seven-year-old daughter can paint nails better than you.
Definitively.
So I get these nails painted and I haven't taken it off.
And I mean, I'm legitimately going to post these on the internet,
and I think someone's going to pay money for them.
You should probably shave the hair off first.
At the wedding, no, they like that kind of shit.
The people who like feet, that is.
Not me.
At the wedding this weekend, this girl sees my sees my toes we all kind of have a laugh
about it and then like a few minutes later she's like so did you get those professionally done or
did you do that yourself and I was like why did someone see your feet at a wedding I was getting
changed I wasn't like at the wedding it was like that wedding weekend um I was like wait you think that i do this like i thought it was just understood that
like shea did it whatever she just thought that i had a full set of toes purple and blue purple
and red and that like you know did you sit there and paint them or did you go to the salon and do
that i was like what do these people think of me a child yeah like i i thought it was pretty
understood i got to reevaluate a lot of things
if this is just on the table as like yeah man that's how that's how you do it uh uh one gentleman
who would not uh like these what i'm doing here is um andrew tate is that his name andrew tate
this guy is taking over the internet in my opinion is the biggest asshole there is. This is, if we were doing the Barstool Sports
like villains tournament again,
I think he would be Final Four,
top two champion of it all.
I don't really know his background.
I know that he does Twitch streams with Aiden Ross
and then now has a podcast.
He's a gamer.
I think of FaZe Clan,
one of those guys sort of thing, right?
Yeah, former kickboxer, like four-time world champion.
Andrew Tatis?
Andrew Tatis, yeah.
And so he kind of does this ultra macho,
almost like the liver king,
little bit of Joe Rogan, you know, like,
takes it to the maximum, though,
about how, you know, men are superior,
women are inferior, you need to run your house.
You also said that you could have multiple partners,
but a female that was with you couldn't also have multiple partners well a woman could say that same
thing if she decided she could say i can sleep with multiple men but my men can't sleep with
multiple women if she so choose we're all free individuals right yeah but you don't you wouldn't
agree if a woman said that i would personally find that revolting correct but there are women
who find what i say revolting so you're not telling other people what to think you're just
saying how you think i think of a man is uh sexual is not sexually exclusive it's not the same as if a woman is
because with a woman you have the paternity issue with a man you don't have a paternity issue
if i have three girlfriends and they all get pregnant we know who the mother and who the
father is if you have one woman and three men you don't know who even the parents are if she
got pregnant yeah you could definitely figure that out dna tests are pretty accessible nowadays
of course yeah that's exactly it so i said science can step in and fix it but that doesn't mean it's not haram and against the will of god look read
the bible every single man had multiple wives not a single woman had multiple husbands it's against
the will of god it's disgusting in the eyes of god himself see so he's that people like listen
yes so i i actually don't know that i don't know if it's the will of God.
I didn't think we were going down a Bible path.
Well, my first experience with him was a clip where he was like, yeah, men are more capable than women.
It was kind of like, all right, what's the joke here?
Make me a sandwich or whatever.
And then out of nowhere, he goes like, so listen, if you're on a plane and you're flying into the eye of a hurricane.
And I was like, whoa, whoa, I didn't see that coming.
Got like a decent chuckle out of me where I was like, whoa, whoa, I didn't see that coming. Got like a decent chuckle out of me
where I was like, okay, I'll be honest.
If we're flying into the eye of a hurricane,
I would probably want my pilot to be a male. I'm just saying.
I just, that is my gut.
I'm being truthful.
I don't know if I'm
enlightened. I probably wouldn't care either way.
I don't think I'd care.
Pat myself on the back.
I don't think I'd care.
Beta cucked all day After that one
White knight John beta cucked soy boy
He doesn't care if his pilot's a female
I'll fix that real quick
This is awful
This is not my fault
This is a true story
My flight to Buffalo
I think
First time I've ever gotten car sick on a plane my flight to Buffalo, I think.
First time I've ever gotten car sick on a plane.
Okay, so the plane has landed.
Right?
We're taxiing to the gate.
It is the craziest, herky-jerky, like, stop, go, stop, go.
I'm like, head bouncing off the fucking windows and shit.
Like, I'm getting nauseous reliving it right now.
It was so fucking awful. Your head?
I was like, what the fuck is going on?
We've landed.
This is the easy part.
Just drive the fucking plane to the fucking terminal.
How the fuck are we fucking this up?
Yo, planes and shit are a nightmare these days, man.
As I'm walking off the plane.
This is a true story.
This is not like a joke.
This is just what happened.
Pilots, Chinese, co-pilots of women.
I knew.
That's just what happened.
That's just what happened.
I am just reporting facts.
That is not a joke. That's what happened happened I am just reporting facts That is not a joke
That is not
That's what happened
Look I'll give you my flight number
You can look up who the pilot
The co-pilot were on that flight
I'll fuck it
It was a fucking
Asian guy and a woman
Stunk and driving
And you know they're sitting there going
I can't even drive my car
I want to stress
That is not a joke
That is just
I don't make it funny
What happened I'm just telling you a story Of what happened. I don't think it's funny.
I'm just telling you a story of what actually happened.
I was walking out of the plane.
I kind of peeked out.
I was like, come on, dude.
You're forcing me on, man. You're forcing my hand on this one.
I can't possibly not.
I was rooting for you.
More than anything, I wish it was a white fucking cis man in the privacy.
But it wasn't.
That Tyra Banks gif.
We're all rooting for you.
Well, yeah, but this guy is...
So I saw that clip, but then everything after that.
I mean, he's just a shock jock and just kind of an asshole about it.
I can't believe that...
Why is he taking the internet by
storm currently i don't know i i have like an algorithm thing i don't know why he's on
everybody's feed though yeah he must have had one thing that was uh our girl uh our newest girl
caroline had a very funny uh can you pull that up she had a good tiktok impersonating him have
you seen that one no it basically just gets progressively gayer, which is, you know,
obviously this is all stemming from a place of monster insecurity.
Instagram.
I think it's on both, but we'll pull that up.
She has a couple funny things with her and Tommy Smokes, too,
doing the new sex podcast.
Just being awkward as all fuck.
It is quite funny.
Watch this, though.
People today are too soft.
You dying of COVID?
Okay, suck it up.
My grandma, they say she died of COVID.
No, she died from being a little bitch.
People today complain just because a shark bites them
and they lose their arms.
Next time, maybe grow a pair and bite the shark back. You know what really pisses me off? Pregnant
women. They're lazy. They're fat. We have to look at them. They can't even drink. They're a total
buzzkill. Women shouldn't even exist. Men should have children themselves the way God intended it.
We don't need women. If I'm dating a woman, she shouldn't even
exist to other men. Other men shouldn't even know that she's alive. I shouldn't even have to know
that she's alive. I wish the women I date could just be men. Men are stronger, they're more
attractive, they're better lovers. I think it's pretty gay to like women.
I was like, that was very, very good.
Very clever, very brilliant.
And this was her other one with Tommy Smokes.
So I thought maybe you and me could have a podcast.
And it's like, you know Call Her Daddy?
Yeah.
A couple of my best friends.
Yeah.
I thought maybe we could do a sex podcast.
God, it's the best.
It is. I love the slit and, it's the best.
I love the slit and the flaps of the vagina.
What is it called?
Blowjobs.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Blowjobs.
You put the penis in your mouth.
Well, you would.
The girl puts the guy's penis.
Or gay.
It's like a popsicle.
You just want it to be over.
It's like dripping everywhere.
It's like...
Yeah.
And then sometimes I'll eat pussy.
Sometimes, yeah.
Yeah.
Do you season it?
With my tongue.
Oh, with it, yeah.
You know what's funny?
Don't actually eat it.
No, I don't.
Do you ever get drunk?
I mean, just the two most awkward fucking people in the goddamn world, apparently.
Tommy, I knew.
I didn't know Caroline had it in her.
But yeah, anyway, that Tate dude is just popping off, and I can't even, you know.
Like I said last episode about being on the internet too long. I just can't even do it, you know.
Yeah.
We've seen the villains come and go.
The Shkreli's of the world.
Dan Blazarian.
It's like there's always one.
Exactly.
It'll work for me.
And he'll be gone soon.
And then it's like, what the fuck ever, dude.
I don't give a shit.
We're going to do a new Tuesday segment.
One Minute Man, KC Radio crossover, where we rattle through all of the most important
and or interesting headlines from the week in current events, pop culture, you know it all.
You like that guy?
You ever seen him?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So there's this dude who has a hard drive, one of these classic stories.
Oh, yeah, I know this guy.
This guy's been in the game for a while now.
Yeah?
Oh, yeah.
I've known about this guy for a while.
Okay, so I didn't know what you were about to say.
So we've heard this story and multiple stories for a long time now
of people who have a treasure trove of Bitcoin and can't access it,
mostly more often because of password issues.
It's kind of like my Trevor Truffle's safe moon.
Safe moon.
Man, if that thing ever pops, we're set, baby.
No.
If that thing ever pops, I'm not going to get anything
because I don't know how that happens.
How to get into it, yeah.
What's happening is everybody loves that it's unregulated
and like the Wild West until someone loses all their net worth.
And then they're like, how could we let the system be like this?
It's like, well, because nobody's in control of it.
All of the dollar and the money and all that shit is set up
so that you don't get fucking wiped out or scammed or schemed.
And anytime there's money involved,
people aren't just going to do it out of the goodness of their heart.
That's why Bitcoin is weird.
The reason why Bitcoin first became a thing
was because there was Satoshi Hashimoto and all these guys who like were just like we just want to put out a coin
that is like for the people rather than just being like i'm gonna keep it all for my fucking self
because that's how it always goes yeah you know that's yeah um but anyway this dude this one has
a hard drive that he knows he accidentally threw out has 185 million dollars worth of bitcoin i
believe and he is raising he has raised 11 million dollars worth of cash to fund a search through the
dumpster through the through the landfill so uh he i think he did a gofundme if i'm not mistaken
or it was giving out what percentages for?
Yeah, I'd imagine there's some sort of payback.
If you can scroll down a little more there, perhaps.
Yeah, $11 million in venture capital funding.
So he's considering it like a high-risk investment.
And we're literally talking about a needle in a haystack.
And it's going to have human sorters, robot dogs, and AI-powered scanners that looks like a conveyor belt. it's going to have human sorters robot dogs and
AI powered scanners that
looks like a conveyor
belt this is going to be
cool to see if you can
figure this out I don't
know how long ago he
threw this out because I
think you're right
okay so that's crazy
yeah that's like do we
even know that's nuts
that there's still just
like the same garbage
from 2009 like like
enough so like like whoever runs this dumpster,
this landfill is like, oh yeah, there's still shit in there.
Bro, they're never going to find it because they have human sorters.
And guess what?
Every human sorter is a pot.
I guess although.
They have a password, you know what I mean?
Yeah, the password.
So like that is going to be interesting though.
But you know what I would do is I'd be like, I'm holding the sausage.
Yeah, you're right.
I would take it home and have a ransom and be like, it now costs $179 million worth of Bitcoin.
Once you open that shit up, you can have a million and I get $179.
But then when he opens it up, he just runs away because none of this is regulated.
It's the Wild West, man.
But I'll tell you this much.
If you find that shit, that's going to be awesome.
The only thing better than that is the guy who had like 20, 20 zillion dollars and he
had one more attempt on his passwords.
Yes.
He had 10, you have 10 password attempts and if you fail all 10, it like collapses into
itself and it disappears forever.
And so I believe this dude tried nine times and failed.
If, if that guy, could you imagine the moment where you're like, I think, lowercase, uppercase,
and exclamation point, enter, and it just starts to work?
Yeah.
You get the pinwheel, and you're like, ah!
That would be absolutely come everywhere.
I do that like logging into my Netflix.
Right, right.
When I get it right.
So imagine I was getting $300 million.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Fuck, guys.
I get to watch a show I've seen 500 times so we'll see
what happens
with the
the great bitcoin search
would you
would you
ever consider
being a part of that
what would have
what would your cut
have to be
to sort through
garbage
in a Boston landfill
uh
I don't know
it could be fun
I was gonna say
it's treasure hunting
but he's doing it
in garbage
it's like I could but he's doing it in garbage.
It's like... I could see...
It's not garbage garbage.
It's worse than that.
It's landfill garbage from 2009.
Landfill garbage is nice garbage.
It's garbage...
Pray tell.
I don't think it is.
It's garbage that's like...
I don't know, man.
I've driven by landfills before.
They never smell.
They never smell.
Like, I think...
I think...
I think that's false i'm gonna say i've
driven by one i grew up near one it smelled like shit yeah there's always like vultures and seagulls
and shit swarming them and everything like it's like there's food and i'm sure yeah yeah
all right enough out of you uh
uh yeah no i think that's incredibly stupid and wrong.
I think it would suck.
I think it's very stinky.
It's like being in the Star Wars.
I'll nerd it up for you.
Like the Star Wars fucking thing where there's like the snakes fucking swimming around.
Trash compactor.
Trash compactor, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's like that.
Yeah, it's like that.
Have you seen, there's this show on, I think it's on Netflix.
There's this town or island, I believe, like off the coast of Iceland or some shit like that.
Or I don't remember where it is.
But there's this town that there was a, like, I think pirate treasure, like, crashed off the coast of it.
Or there was hidden treasure. I don't think it's, like, from the sea of it or there was hidden treasure i don't think
it's i don't think it's like from the sea i think it's in the land i'm butchering this but basically
there was like um some spanish some spanish um treasure that was hidden there like something
like 180 million dollars worth or whatever and in world war ii these guys found one of 50 chests that were known to be lost so they were
like if there's one here there's probably more here right but because they fought world war ii
there there's also these like underground mines and bombs that have been sitting there since like
the 40s so they're like trying to use technology to be like is this a bomb or a fucking treasure
chest also because
this place is like in greenland or iceland or somewhere weird i can't remember where um it's
like the town is like falling to shreds like there's no more business there's no more tourism
so the company the the uh the mayor is turning this into like a um like a community-wide thing
like we're all going to search for this because it's our last
ditch effort to save our town.
It might be like, you might explode,
or you might find a treasure chest.
That's the mirror from Jaws
just being like, get the beach open.
Go walk in there and play with the mines. We might find gold.
Amity, as you know,
means friendship. Could you imagine, though, just being
like, I think it's a
treasure chest. And you put something in the ground, kaboom.
John was wrong.
On to the next thing.
But I think it's a Netflix documentary.
That seems pretty cool.
Anyway, keeping it moving here.
Your girl Taylor Swift was in some hot water.
Her carbon footprint was something like 1,185 times more pollutant than the average human because her jet flies 170 times every six months.
It is so fun when we, like, as a society, decide we care about something for five minutes.
Yeah.
Well, even more so.
This was, like, five seconds because they said that she loans her jet out to, like, companies and shit.
So it's, like, 170 flights, flights, but like for 10 different companies,
it's not just like,
she's not Kylie Jenner-ing it.
But the thought even,
let's say it was like,
Kelly Keegs had a good point.
She's like 170 jets take off
like every 10 minutes at the airport.
Like what is the fucking,
who cares about this?
But also if you've ever complained about someone's carbon
footprint suck my fucking toes suck my actual feet like you are a loser that is the ultimate
you don't actually care and you're just trying to pick on someone for something yes like leo
dicaprio is a freak about the environment and and he still flies his plane. He's like, well, I'm not going to get off my jet.
Which they say is, like, hypocrisy.
I don't know.
That's what I mean.
I could not care less about, like, this is what even the internet, like, even the people
who are as passionate as they possibly can online, which is just all fake passion, you
don't care.
You don't care.
You could tell me that Taylor Swift uses her fortune to sift through the sea to find the six-pack bottles, wrappers,
and sew them back together after people have clipped them, put them back into the water to kill the fish and the turtles,
and I wouldn't fucking care.
I wouldn't care one fucking bit.
There are too many fish in the sea anyway.
Yeah, get rid of them.
Get rid of some of those fucking fish, Taylor.
I just can't imagine ever being like, this person pollutes too much.
It is.
How about you shut the fuck up? We've talked about this extensively, not extensively, but I think it's something like 78%.
I forget the exact number of pollution is done by 90 companies.
Yeah.
It's not in the- Hold what's up 71 is done by 100 oh okay it's right here okay yeah 100 companies and you're gonna
get mad because taylor swift flew her plane that's get the fuck this shout out to this person
for fucking knowing exactly my arguing point yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah. That's exactly what I was going to say. No, but that's why I, you know,
it sounds like ignorant to be like,
I don't really care about like the environment
because it's like, it's a lost fucking cause, man.
I cannot stop it.
I kind of feel that same way about politics and voting too.
It's like my vote doesn't matter
and my garbage doesn't matter.
Remember that?
The machine is rolling, man.
It's too late.
The classic film, classic show, The Newsroom, which I love.
Yeah.
People, very polarizing show.
Very polarizing show.
I was a big fan.
Dude, that opening scene is still one of the best scenes in the TV.
Season one's great.
It's so good.
Season two, terrible.
But when he has the music scene, one of the worst in TV history.
Season three, then they get canceled halfway through.
And you can tell they're like, all right, we've got to wrap this in two episodes.
But the first one was like, America Sucks, right? That was the first one. Yeah, yeah. That montage where he's like, we got to wrap this in two episodes. But the first one was like, America sucks, right?
That was,
yeah,
that montage where he's like,
we're not the best in the world.
Yeah,
great.
Yeah,
great.
You know,
we're anti-America
at this point.
Anti-constitution,
it just means anti-America.
But not because we love
other countries.
We're just anti,
anti-Earth.
Anti-Earth?
Yeah,
pretty anti-Earth.
I mean,
I don't want to live
anywhere else.
I don't want to live any,
you know,
you've seen my map, all X's.
It doesn't mean that where I do live is great.
I would venture to say if we could live on another planet, it would probably be better to do that.
How about this?
As long as there are people there, it's going to suck.
How about this?
This is an interesting thought.
Let's say we can live on Mars.
If you move to Mars, would you care about Earth?
No.
Would you keep up with Earth news?
Probably for entertainment value.
But what if, like, Mars has its own sports leagues
and its own superstars?
Hmm.
Would you care about news from another planet could you imagine stealing the superstar from
earth though that'd be yeah like we post away taylor she's coming to mars with us
because right now like you do you care about uh other countries because that's like a smaller
scale but no but but they're like you don't give a shit about who's like the biggest pop star in
germany right now right no it's hasselhoff. I was going to say, I said that. Bad example.
But we would be leaving Earth to start Mars.
So in the beginning, we'd be like, we miss Earth and all that shit.
But once Mars has a couple generations, would you be like,
I don't give a shit about Earth.
I live on Mars.
I don't know.
I think yes.
For how long would that last, though?
I think forever.
No, but if we move to...
How about another galaxy?
I think...
You'll always care about Earth?
I think I have a pretty personal connection to Earth, yeah.
But, okay, but if you...
Let's say you were born on Mars.
Let's say you were from Boston to LA,
like, you still watch the Red Sox.
If you were born on Mars,
if you're the first generation to be born on Mars, you'd probably still care, because your parents teach you everything born on Mars, if you're the first generation to be born on Mars, you probably still care because your parents teach you everything, right?
What if you're the second generation?
What if you're the third generation?
Yeah.
How far out?
That will happen.
Yeah.
It happens with immigrants.
Their great-grandkids don't speak the language anymore, and they find that it's hard for them.
Do you think that it's the time spent on Mars or the number of planets?
Like, we have to be on – there has to be six planets that we can all live on before you only care about your one planet.
Because that's another thing.
If you're on Mars, you care about Earth, right?
But if you are on Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, and Neptune, do all of them care about Mars?
Or eventually you're like, there's so many planets, I only care about the one I'm on.
Or is it a matter of time?
You only care about the one you're on.
It's not time.
It's just like, again, because I lived here.
So if I went, I would care about it. I lived here. I grew up here. I have personal – You still care about Boston. I have people I care about the one you're on it's it's not time it's just like again like because i lived here so if i went i would care about i lived here grew up here i have you still care about boston i have
people i care about with yeah like but you've kind of removed yourself a little bit from it no a
little bit yeah i guess like the the the local comings and goings you wouldn't care about but
you still root for the team right all that but it would be cool to be like it's just never even been
a consideration where it's like oh i don't we don't even give a fuck about China versus the U.S.
We're on to this part of Mars versus that part of Mars.
Yeah.
Major things that it would just be like, that's just on another planet.
Again, if you're third generation, yes.
But I think if you yourself move there, you're always going to care.
Okay.
But do you think first generation?
No.
Where you were born, you think you still care
about Earth?
What?
If you were born on Mars
Again
but the people raising you
were like
it's like first generation
Yeah, like I just said
like yeah
you would not care?
No, I think I would.
Because I feel like
a lot of people are like
Only the Italians
you know
the Italians are like
my parents were
fresh off the boat
so I care.
Everyone else is like I don't know I was born in America, bro parents were fresh off the boat, so I care. Everyone else is like, I don't know.
I was born in America, bro.
I'm American.
I'm not Italian.
I'm not Irish.
I'm just, I live in America.
No, I think people like to say I'm Irish.
I think I'd be like, not like the Guineans.
It's only the Italians who really care.
Irish people like to be Irish.
People like to be Irish.
But I don't think Irish Americans really like, are like, I'm from like.
You don't say.
You don't say.
Irish does.
The exact part. But like. Yeah, Irish is an asshole. Cork. But like, people are like, I'm from... You don't say the exact part.
Yeah, I was an asshole.
But people are like, I'm Irish.
I mean, you talk to an Irish bartender.
People are always like, oh, I'm Irish.
Are they Irish?
Or like with a brogue?
No, no, no.
I feel like if you're from Ireland,
I'm from Ireland.
I'm Irish.
I feel like if you're born in America,
it's Italian people. I think Greek people really like to be like, I'm Irish I feel like you're born in America it's Italian people I think Greek people
really like to be like
I'm Greek
and
Irish people
very much
very much
yeah
maybe you didn't
grow up around
many Irish people
in Massachusetts
people
like being Irish
yeah
yeah
it's definitely
on the list
it's definitely
on the list
for sure but I feel like it's Yeah. No, it's definitely on the list. It's definitely on the list for sure.
But I feel like it's just the Italian thing.
It's like such a thing.
Such a thing.
Anyway, I feel like I would move on to Mars pretty quick to be like – because you could be – if we get to Mars, imagine if we had like the podcast on Mars.
You know?
Yeah, pretty sick.
We're the only choice.
You know what I mean?
You can't get anybody else except for us.
That's why we should go with Elon.
Speaking of Elon, Elon's dad says that Elon is the disappointment, and he favors the other
son.
You know why the other son is worth?
700 million.
What's the other son do?
He does...
That's pretty dope.
Isn't it?
He's worth $700 million.
And you're the bum.
You're the bum of the family
not even like the bum i mean yes he is the bum but like you like you just get to do your own thing
like no one's ever gonna be mad at you no no yeah yeah you're right i have i have a crude
incredible wealth that i probably shouldn't have it's the manny man yeah because because his
anybody else who has 700 million dollars is under the microscope, not when it's in comparison to $270 billion.
He does something.
Fuck, I should have remembered this.
It's pretty like, I think it's like a tangible thing.
Kimball Musk, of course.
He owns a kitchen restaurant group,
which is a collection of community restaurants.
So he's in the restauranteur game.
That's pretty funny.
One guy's like, I'm going to reinvent rocket ships.
He's like, I'm going to do cheeseburgers.
Now, he's worked with Elon,
and he worked with Compaq and software and shit but he does like restaurants but imagine being like he said that kimball musk is my pride
and joy and that elon is a disappointment it's like well you fuck your stepdaughter so i don't
know if you're you know your power rankings of your kids are really all that important i i think
it's also like i think think Elon threw the first punch there
where Elon's like, he's a terrible person.
I don't even like him anyway.
Classic. That son sucks anyway.
He's my
bum son worth $270 billion.
Deshaun Watson gets
six games after
Calvin Ridley got a fucking year
after other guys What did Calvin Ridley got a fucking year after other guys
What did Calvin Ridley do?
He placed a non-football bet.
He had one sports bet.
He bet on his own team to win.
I thought it was a non-football bet.
He bet on his own team to win.
He was hurt, right?
Josh Gordon
has been suspended
78 games in his career for weed.
Deshaun Watson, making girls finger his asshole, suspended six.
Well, you know, he likes to have his asshole massaged during massages.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Dude, I have not kept up with this.
That is...
But he used to, like, ask for it or, like...
To massage my asshole?
Yeah.
Well, the non-consensual part isn't really a laughing matter.
But I'm laughing at just someone asking to massage their asshole.
It's like if you're hooking up with a chick and you kind of do the rollback.
She's going down on you and you're trying to get more.
Get that more.
Give her more access access let's say you know you're doing that or you know any of those other things to make make that more of an accessible
activity i think he was doing that kind of stuff while getting a massage or just like blatantly
being like do you do that now whether or not he like forced them to or they did it but i think
he did bring up the b-hole quite often good for you to Sean cut that I keep forgetting what
we're talking about
my good for you John I think we keep the thing with so much fucking having sex
we're not talking about having sex it No, it's not consensual sex.
It's a different thing.
Jesus Christ, John.
Get it together.
Can we at least say this?
Never mind.
Can we say this?
It's a gray area, the massage world.
Like where there are happy endings and there are places that you can get your asshole massaged.
I remember the first time I was at Rathbones with a bunch of the people who own Rathbones.
There's a million of them, so it doesn't really narrow it down.
And I remember he was talking about going to West Garden,
which is like the spot.
Oh, I know it.
Oh, I know West Garden.
Yeah, I mean, if you lived around New York,
you know West Garden's the spot to go get cracked off.
My first time I was living in the city, I was like 21.
I had buddies come to
the city.
We were getting drinks. It was a Sunday.
We were somewhere where you get
the powers of beer.
I went to the bathroom. I came back.
There was a fucking actual note on the table.
Went to West Garden's spot to be back in the house.
That's great. West Garden is like I'd be backing that up. That's great.
West Garden is like when you are an athlete
and you come into town to New York City for the first time
as a rookie or whatever, you know you go to West Garden.
West Garden is like...
I actually had never gone until I got divorced.
And I was like, everyone's jerking me off.
Let's go.
I'm as free as a bird, baby.
You're jerking me off too.
This is the most depressing handjob of all time.
Awesome.
I probably went on a run where I was there too often.
Really?
Why did you tell me about this, dude?
It's not exactly the coolest thing to disclose.
You would have gone with me?
I'd have gone with you.
Oh, hell yeah.
I never got whacked off at a massage bar.
You haven't?
Never.
You're not lying right now? You've never got a happy ending? I would have gone with you. Oh, hell yeah. I never got whacked off at a massage bar. You haven't? Never. You're not lying right now?
You've never got a happy ending?
I don't think so.
Have you?
Me and my friends used to go when we were like 15.
Hell yeah.
I don't know if I'm allowed to say this.
Hell yeah.
No, you were 15.
It's all good.
There was like a stage in high school where like Sunday morning, the boys would just get
together.
Sunday morning.
And you'd all go together?
All go together.
Long Island or the city?
Long Island.
And then like to the city.
I mean, yeah, we were, like, once we got older, we stopped going.
But, like, there was for a while.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Totally good.
Yeah, that's where you totally stopped going.
You would all go at once?
We were going, like, groups of ten.
We were, like, ten kids fresh coming out of, like, gym class.
They're like, I'm so tired of jerking off dicks without hair on them.
They probably love that.
Well, that's a question.
Would you rather like a fucking gross old man or an underage but like, I don't know.
Never mind.
Would you guys go and like wait in the waiting room And stuff
Yeah well we would split up
Five would sit in the car
Five would sit in the car
I'm dying
This is the best story ever
Just getting fucking chubbed up
Everyone's like slowly
Touching their teeth
This is so
It felt like an app
Where like people put it together
The spots where you could go
Yeah
Like you didn't have to say anything
Rubmaps.com bro
That's the spot
Have you ever talked
To a Glenny about that
There's like the whole Like the whole website That it has like a you i think you have to like subscribe and then
you can get the real info but it's like five stars four stars it has like all these different
ratings and shit um uh i know a guy he went with his buddies it was not 10 i think it was like four
and um and they called her Mama San, which is funny.
They're like, we're going to Mama San.
And old chick, old woman.
And they all went and all had their turn.
And all of them, she fucked all of them except for one.
So they were like, man, that was awesome.
We paid whatever.
And she just hopped up on top and started riding me. And he was like, yeah, man, that was cool. we paid you know whatever and like she just hopped
up on top and started riding me and he was like yeah man that was cool and you know the guy was
like yeah i didn't expect that and the one guy was like wait what you guys fucked her what do you
mean and so for this old woman to just i mean that would crush my confidence if a paid basically
prostitute was like you're only getting a handjob, that sucks.
That means your dick or your body or something about you really, really sucks.
Sorry, sorry.
I don't have to do it again.
West Garden.
I have something about West Garden.
Oh, wait.
One time I went to West Garden with a chick.
Really?
And I was thinking we were going to do some kinky shit,
all going to be in the room together, you know?
And they just gave us massages.
It was just a couple's massage.
So the whole time I'm kind of waiting for the fun part to start,
and I'm wondering what they're going to do with her.
And they were just like, okay, you're done now.
And I was like, fuck.
I didn't want a massage.
It was your first day at West Garden's box?
Yeah.
Guess what?
Someone's got to take care of my butthole.
Oh, the real reason was because of the Rathbones guy.
The reason I bring it up because I don't even know why I came up.
But the guy was saying he was talking about going to Rathbones first or after.
And I was kind of like, oh, I don't know, man.
You get like a couple of Bones burgers and you eat some wings.
You get like nice and full and then you're all sleepy and you go.
And he was like, literally, I remember him like kind of picking his T's and he was like,
oh, no, I can't do that because I like the asshole play too much.
And I was like younger and new to that at that point.
I was like, whoa, you said that real casual, bro.
No, because I'm afraid like I got too much ash on me.
Like, god damn, dude.
So that's why I bring it all full circle.
There are places that that is just like that's what's going to happen here.
So when you go there, it's like when you go to a bar and you say, hey, do you
have XYZ on tap?
They might. They might not.
Go to a massage parlor, it's like,
do you have ass play on tap? Yes or
no? Two knuckles? No.
God bless the happy
ending places. Also, though, if you're at a
sports massage at
your athletic trainer's
place of work, probably not going to
get your butt fingered.
We had one
where we all went, like, this is
a bachelor party in Montreal
and we all went and
everyone's sitting in the waiting room
together for like
an hour. It was like 4am
and we only had one person working and
it was a new room massage spot and and we're like what the fuck is going on
it's a the buddy in there is a buddy you know and again it's like 4 a.m. so with
late and just sitting there probably four or five was just sitting there how
long has it been like 40 minutes minutes to an hour. Okay.
Like a long time.
Right.
But that's like a massage.
But it was 4 a.m.
Right, right.
We were supposed to be like, let's get it done and go. Truck and take, let's go.
Yeah, yeah.
And that's what it was.
And he came in.
We were like, when was it taking so long?
He comes into the waiting room stark naked.
Fucking clear coke dick.
And he goes, bro, I ran out of money.
Anyone else got some cash?
Because he just paid a hand.
Another round, another round, another round.
And then she came out afterwards and was like, I'm done for the night.
I'm tired.
My arm is done, dude.
I'm going to get a dick for 40 minutes.
That's great but goddamn 10 15 year olds going together on sunday morning is so despicable
i fucking love it man what what what like that's that's at the point where you're like
i'm still using my allowance money to get jerked off at a parlor like we would spot each other
like i don't have it today.
Every week? You're talking like every week.
This went on for a couple months. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's fucking unreal.
I legit didn't do it until
I was 30-whatever years old.
I was always kind of like,
is that like, are you paying for
sex? Is that a hooker?
Whatever.
And then I did, and I was like was like okay that was one of those things like i think whether you're 32 or whether you're 15
when you first go into this world you're like i'm doing this all the time like if i had a free hour
i'm i'm getting jerked off last couple things here um taylor playing Andrew Tate. Sports Massachusetts, Bitcoin.
That pill, we got a pill that's going to stop all snake bites.
We have like one pill that's an anecdote for all snake bites.
Not interested.
Snakes.
What do you mean?
Bro, I've already stopped all snake bites.
By never being around snakes?
My life is designed to not ever get bit by a snake.
Will you put the tornado stamp of approval?
Yep.
I will never die by a snake bite.
Well, not anymore because we got a pill.
But will you say right now, I want a written fucking form.
You are not allowed to have this pill because you're so confident you will not get killed by a snake bite.
Deal.
I will never get bitten by a snake.
Ever in my whole life.
You know, you're probably right.
Yeah, no, I'm definitely right. I'm not going to get bit by a snake.
But, like, there's a chance that
you... There is absolutely
a chance. You kind of are like
an outdoorsy guy a little bit. You kayak
and do this. I could see you, like, hiking
in the Grand Canyon area. Oh, I'd find
Mount Katata. No big deal. I don't know if there's snakes
there or not, but I could see you
going somewhere
where there's a snake.
I could see you
doing something stupid.
Oh, I just hate,
I really hate
the American Southwest,
so.
Okay, but there's other,
you're telling me
you'll never be around
a rattlesnake drunk?
Not once.
You can't,
you can guarantee me that?
I can guarantee you.
I don't think
you can guarantee me that.
It's done been guaranteed.
I fucking hope
you get bit by a snake and you have to honor this.
This one is for sure a lot harder than the –
Like a tornado, you're definitely going to have to.
More realistic than a tornado.
You might get bit by a snake.
Yeah.
No, it's a possibility.
And then when they say take this pill, you have to say, no, sir.
Nope.
I made a podcast guarantee.
I'm Miles Teller and only the brave.
Right.
I don't deserve this.
Nothing for me, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. None for me podcast guarantee. I'm Miles Teller and only the brave. I don't deserve this. Nothing for me.
None for me.
That's fucking it.
Last thing here.
Nick Hamilton's couch is nice.
I don't know what we're talking about.
Nick Hamilton has a couch that is
so big and he put it in a room
that is so small. It's just the
couch room. I have a very small living room.
Look at that. It's just the couch room. What? To be fair, that's just the couch room. I have a very small living room. Look at that.
It's just the couch room.
What?
To be fair, that's a wide-angle lens.
Yes, the lens is false.
Fuck you.
I've had that.
I think I've had that or have that exact couch.
It's a monster.
It's a huge sectional.
It's bulky, and it's long.
It's a long rectangle, and he put it in a long rectangle room to the point that you're sitting front row at the movies every night.
That's exactly right.
To be fair, I was doing that already with our couch that we had the past two years.
You get kind of used to it.
We are lowering the TV, though.
But honestly, it's fucking awesome.
I slept on it the other day.
You could fit a whole other person on there.
It's like 12 feet long.
I don't doubt that the couch is not comfy.
I am saying that the room is too small.
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, yeah.
No, it's eight feet across.
It's a piece of shit room.
Yeah, like you get a guy with, you know, you put like a pat in there and he can touch arm to arm.
Yeah.
He can touch wall to wall.
That is some New York City shit, man.
That is wild.
Like that is a funny picture and you're right because it is partly the lens and I laughed at it but like that
is exceptionally common
for New York City and if someone from like
the Midwest who lives on like a 50 acre
plot of land saw that they would like
oh no that's all my mentions are
is people being like why would you ever live in New York
I'm like I don't know it's fucking better than
the Midwest
do you need like a huge
like that is that's down to business you got a couch you need a huge...
That's down to business.
You got a couch, you got a TV.
If you have kids and shit, I guess you need to be able to run around and play. But do you really want
your TV to be like 50 feet
away from you?
Then you have to have
a thousand inch screen TV.
So at what point is it like
you just need a... This is the TV room and all you do is couch and TV. So at what point is it like, yeah, I don't know. You just need a,
uh,
this is the TV room and it's all you do is couch and TV.
Everything I do.
Um,
like in New York,
like I'm always thinking like if I were to upgrade,
what would I do?
I mean,
nothing.
My,
my,
I don't need more room.
Yeah,
I have,
I have,
I took a picture of it today.
My trash room,
bro,
you're not going to believe my trash.
You want to compare rooms?
Wait,
well, Oh, I thought you were going to like, say like, you know, apartment buildings have the trash room. Bro, you're not going to believe my trash room. You want to compare rooms? Wait, oh, I thought you were going to say like, you know, apartment buildings
have the trash room. This is your trash room.
This is, I live in a rather
nice apartment. Let me see your trash room.
No.
Bro, that's just the whole room.
Now, okay, you know what?
I'm going to go home and take pictures
because I'm in the process of moving
and so my house looks like this,
but it's because
this is just how you live. My room looks like that every day.
That,
I think there could be like a human body under there.
You need to check.
There might be a snake under there. You might get bit by a snake.
That is, that's,
I love the light box.
Do you just go in and like kind of –
Yeah, just kind of kick stuff to the side.
I do that all the time, man.
So like I have – I don't know what I – I know what I was thinking.
I wanted to throw out a bunch of my shit.
I have old-ass furniture.
Wherever I move next, I'm going to buy new furniture.
So I threw out all my dressers.
So now I don't have any dressers for my clothes.
And I'm moving very soon, but it's still a month.
Yeah.
A month of not having dressers and needing to put on clothes every day is a lot.
It's a lot.
I didn't think it through.
I probably should have just kept one of the dressers.
One dresser.
Threw them all out.
So now I just have like piles of clothes like that.
And I'm like, is that the dirty one or the clean one?
I don't know.
It's a whole fucking fiasco. But again, that's because I'm moving soon. You just live like that every day. I live like that and I'm like, is that the dirty one or the clean one? I don't know. It's a whole fucking fiasco. But again,
that's because I'm moving soon. You just live like
that every day. You are a special
man. You are a special
boy child. It is embarrassing.
It is a lot. Alright, let's get into
our voicemails and then we will talk to
Aubrey Plaza who's on the show today.
Actually, we talked
about it with Aubrey Plaza, how
awesome basements are.'s what i want i
need a basement to put my kids in and lock them away forever but you need like a place to be like
go down there like take all your shit down there play down there because when you're yeah yeah
like the babysitter down there with them like it's it's uh it's a lot when they're like when
your space is their space get your shit out out of here, kids. Take your fucking Yankee fucking clothes and toys and get the fuck out of here.
Okay.
Voicemail scenario brought to you by Cortina Health.
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Girls, you can join as well. But I know girls have always been keeping up with this.
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Jackie, how many skincare products do you think you have?
A zillion.
Yeah.
And you're paying for everything individually?
Mm-hmm.
This is $39.99 a month, and you just get everything you personally need.
You talk to a doctor, a board certified dermatologist, explain to them
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okay, you need this sort of cleanser and this sort of moisturizer and this sort of D this and
whatever that, um, and it's all tailored for you for just 40 bucks a month. If you think about
$40 and it's like the amount of things that you'll just drop $40 on,
how about having a better face?
If I could just be like, do you want to have an ugly face or a pretty face?
It's going to cost you $40 right now.
Would you give it to me?
And then next month if we did that again, would you give it to me?
Of course you would.
It's one fucking round at the bar.
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And you can have a pretty face instead it's a no-brainer when i tell you that the compliments i get for having nice skin
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Voicemails, let's go.
What's going on, KFC Radio gang?
Hope everyone's doing well.
Hope you guys enjoyed the trip to Vegas.
Had a great time, stuff like that.
Love the pods.
Not even glasses.
As always.
You know, I just sit here every day and smoke weed and think stupid shit. And I was, you know,
staring at the ceiling like normal. And I came up with a good question. I thought, you know,
I think it's a good question. We're going to find out. You know, we'll see if Nick even gets up
there. We'll see if you guys fucking roast the shit out of me, you know, whatever it may be.
But what would what would my life be if I was the opposite sex so like would would i be further
in life would i be happier would i be fatter would i you know would i give a fuck about the way i
look would i suck a bunch of dick would i use my titties to get jobs that i wouldn't really be
qualified for stuff like that uh you know what do think? Do you guys have any issues in your current
life that might be easier if you were the
opposite sex? Could you foresee
any issues or any problems?
I'll tell you. Stuff like that.
Would the podcast be
as popular?
I'm just thinking.
I'd also love to hear what
everyone else has to say, Jackie included.
If we were girls, we would
have been Call Her Daddy before Call Her Daddy.
Just two big clitted hoes chatting up.
Peace out.
We would be
Call Her Daddy.
We would be... Oh, I'd have the fattest.
No, you'd have the fattest.
I'd have a fucking dick.
Your clit would be bigger than your dick.
My clit would be so big, dick right now i my clit would be so big guys but you got a cock on you
big clits weird uh we would be call her daddy for the uggos you know
we would be like this is call her daddy chicks you know when you're jerking off your clit
dude that's gross i know i'm gonna keep i'm gonna keep saying my your clit. Dude, that's gross. I know. That's fucking gross.
I'm going to keep saying my big clit.
That is.
It is.
It is disgusting.
I'll tell you one thing I know for sure.
If you're watching on YouTube right now, John is furiously jerking off a tiny clit.
Just fucking. I love
I fucking love
nothing more than
nosedive in this show
like this is
this is the moment
of the program
where like
if someone were about
to buy
like a sponsor
was about to buy in
they'd be like
nope not anymore
not anymore
John torpedoed it again today
that big clitted woman with the cigarette voice
ruined it.
You watch KC Radio?
No, it's Helen. It's the woman with the guy
and the girl with the big clit.
I want a clit the size of a fucking thumb
and I want lips the size of my ass
cheeks.
Oh, God.
Jackie, do you and your girlfriends
ever compare pussies
yeah right i feel like every group of girl i know every group of girls that i know have at
some point been like let me see yours i'll show you mine to just find out if you're weird or not
see here's the time she's like stephanie your clit is so fucking that's the problem every time
i've heard this story i've heard it three times that not a lot, but it's kind of a lot when you think about the sample size of life.
Every group of girls has done it and been relieved.
That can't be real.
There's no way that every group of girls that does this all feel good about their pussies
or actually have nice pussies.
Everybody might feel good.
They walk away because it's like, oh, wow wow jackie yours is great and so is yours and yours we all have it's
all different but they're all fine right and then they walk away and there's a group text and they're
like we're all in agreement that samantha's is ugly though right and samantha's like going like
oh i have a good pussy and all the other four friends are like that chick's clit is huge we're
just not telling i was gonna, if every girl walks over
and leaves, I've had sex with a lot of girls who
never did this.
But it's a lot like the quote
in Rounders, like if you can't spot the sucker
the first 30 minutes you are.
If no one
else is talking about how weird their pussy is,
you've got the weird pussy. I've only been compared
with two of my friends. I don't think I've ever
compared with a big group.
I feel like that's something
you do tight with like
the close ones.
Like if you're just like
bending over and
spreading cheeks.
Yeah, yeah.
You're not doing that
for the whole world to see.
But yeah,
I have to imagine
that there are girls
going like
weird buttholes though.
Yeah, absolutely.
Like the whole shebang.
It's like
but don't you like there's gotta be girls That's good. I wish I had chick confidence. Yeah, absolutely. Like the whole shebang.
There's got to be girls.
I wish I had chick confidence.
To show your asshole to other girls.
That is weird.
That they all have no problem doing it.
I would never just be like, yo.
I hope we've literally done that right here.
We'll shave each other's assholes.
You've shaved each other's assholes?
Sometimes.
On special nights. On special nights where it's like, we've got shaved each other's assholes? Sometimes. On special nights.
On special nights where it's like, we've got to really make sure this is on point.
How does... Okay.
The kids table is on fire today.
What's the logistics?
Like, you hop on your hands and knees?
Put away from the mic.
Oh, sorry.
You hop on the hands and knees?
Yeah.
And they go razor blade to spokes?
Yeah.
I mean, just bend over.
Is there anybody?
Is there like a spread going about?
You or they?
There's a spreader and a shaver?
Or they're all one?
It's a three-team deal.
I was thinking you got to go.
I'm trying to think.
I guess I have pictures.
I'm not going to show show them I'm just like
Only fans
Cause here's what I'm thinking
He's right
You want some pre-shaved butthole shots
No I said yeah
No I spread
So you spread
But then
But then
If you're hands and knees
But you gotta spread
I don't know man
I don't know man I don't know
I can't believe
you guys shave
each other's assholes
I'd have to imagine
that's something
you can get done yourself
but I don't know
I mean I applaud it
because it's like
we really gotta make sure
this one's on point
Yeah you just have to
make sure sometimes
Yeah just make sure
you get that extra
Wow
Wow
Yeah
You wanna talk about
domino effect
With that meme
Yeah
That guy gets high
And stares at the ceiling
Jackie and her friend
Shave each other's assholes
What was his question?
How would life be
As the opposite sex?
Oh
It's still one of my
Favorite tweets of all time
Is
Basically this question
Gets asked
Men say
I'd just play with my boobies
And figure myself all day
And women say I'd just play with my boobies and figure myself all day.
And women say,
I'd run at night with headphones.
I wouldn't worry about being raped 24-7. Yeah.
I wouldn't carry my keys
through a fucking garage.
I would go,
because I'd have a big clit and fat lips,
I'd be like,
I'd be like a fucking,
I'd be a burly chick.
I'd be a bull dyke for sure. I'd be a barrel chested. Yeah. And so I'd be like a fucking, I'd be a burly chick. I'd be a bull dyke for sure.
I'd be a barrel chested bull.
Yeah.
And so I'd like go around looking for fights.
I'd start like a female fight club.
You would be Miss Trunchbull.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You ever heard of her?
That's you.
For sure.
With a fucking clit dick.
Yeah.
Dick clit.
Just.
You would absolutely
be wearing a ton
of women's underwear
obviously
you love every day
it's a dream
you're like now
I can wear this
like normally
like I'm not even weird
if I do this
hell yeah
just check out my underwear
that's what a small underwear
has been about
about this whole time
no I'm just stretching
okay
no I did fight once
during the
interview though
and I fought twice during this one so I did I said it I said it stretching No, I did fight once during the Albert Paz interview though And I fought it twice during this one
I said it
I think 20
I said 18, 19
You're right at 18
18, 19
So 20 would be nice
Give us 20
Give us 20
Next up
I think it's more difficult
Hey guys
I heard that
I do
So my girlfriend has seen the TikToks of the girls walking in on their boyfriends playing video games.
Wait, stop.
Stop.
What did you say?
I can't even focus.
I know it must be funny because you whispered it like that.
What did you say?
It's right in my ears.
What did you say?
That's just a little treat for me to listen to.
No.
You're going to have to fucking listen to this episode now.
Yeah, don't tell me. I actually want to listen and fucking figure it out that you just went
nick is fucking cackling over there all right run it back one more time hey guys got a am i the
asshole question for you um so my girlfriend has seen the tikts of the girls walking in on their boyfriends playing video games, walking in naked or doing whatever to try to distract them.
Well, the other day I was playing some video games with my friends and we were on a Xbox party.
And she walks in fully naked and proceeds to start sucking my dick and I mute my headset and sit there and
let it happen. You know, finished all that good stuff is actually kind of hot. But am I the
asshole for doing that with my friends on the chat? If they ask me something or we're trying
to talk, I would unmute really quick, answer the question, and mute it back.
So, am I the asshole for doing this?
And part two of that, should I tell them or leave that between me?
Thanks, guys.
Love to hear what you have to say.
Well, too late.
Yeah, you told us.
Too late, they know.
But the –
You're an asshole for not sharing it with the boys.
You should have just fucking angled that shit down for –
This is fucking –
This is video, right?
Like, he's not just talking about the chat like they can see his face or no
Oh, then who fucking cares? Yeah, I thought he was like pretending to fucking like I'm not getting my dick sucks
This is one of those clearly not the asshole calling for a sick brag. Yes
Yo guys, I'm already asshole for having my girl suck my dick really good that one time. Let me know. No, man
Oh man, so that is That is the most clear cut.
This guy looks like he's from Super Troopers.
This fucking guy is just so happy he got his dick sucked.
Shout out to that TikTok meme because that girl probably was never sucked.
It's just like girls trying to distract their boyfriends when they're playing video games
so they start sucking your dick.
I think usually it's more of a joke.
It's a good meme.
Shout out to that meme. It's a good meme. Shout out to that meme.
That guy has not gotten his dick sucked in a long time,
and now he did because of TikTok.
That's one of those memes that was definitely created by a dude,
just like putting it on, and now everyone's benefiting.
It's a good meme.
Effective.
I don't know why I'm thinking of this comparison but when
it's sunny when they run this scam the uh let's all do our job scam like that is like you're
putting that out there to start that um but the uh but yeah you're not the assholes you are uh
even if it was on camera i thought could you was going to be like. Could you imagine if I was like, hey, guys, like, got to let you know something.
I'm sorry that I wasn't too attentive in the chat the other night.
I was getting my dick sucked.
I imagine people being like, oh, that's why Jeremy didn't respond when we were about to, like, storm the castle.
What the fuck, bro?
I had to go Leroy Jenkins on everyone.
That's my only video game reference.
I'm wondering if.
I thought she was going to be naked on camera
I was thinking his face was on camera
He was trying to keep it together
While she was sucking his dick or something
Call me when you've done that dude
I think that has been a trend
I'm pretty sure
Little stone face
I'm wondering if
Jackie's going to successfully get whatever food
Stuck in her teeth during of it during the podcast.
It's crazy.
Sorry.
The whole time.
I have a bar that the thing came undone.
Oh, like a retainer thing?
Yeah.
Okay.
Last voicemail.
What's up, KFC?
This is Fitz down in Atlanta, Georgia.
I'm the manager at LA Fitness.
Yeah, this is the guy we got fired
Yeah, so I'm actually listening to y'all's episode
With Dan Soda right now
And on the way home from work
I saw or I heard y'all talking about
You never want to be the drunkest guy in the room
Or the only person that's drunk in the room
And you never want to be the only person
That's sober in the room
So, question for you
Would you rather For the rest of your life
when people are drinking you always be the sober person or from now on at all social events you
always be the only drunk person okay that is a good one that's a good one i i've been i've been
around a lot of drunk people recently, pretty sober. It's tough.
Yeah.
It's tough.
Because it's not even that I'm like, oh, this isn't fun for me.
I'm fine with it.
But I'm just like, everybody's stupid.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're all being stupid.
And it's like, yeah.
It's just, I'm just like, well, now I know you're stupid.
Now I can't undo that stupid. Hey, well, now I know you're stupid. Now I can't undo that stupid.
Hey dummy.
Now I know that you're stupid.
If I wasn't,
and if I was drunk,
I wouldn't,
you know,
I wouldn't remember.
I wouldn't know.
Or I'd be stupid myself,
but it's,
it's hard.
It's hard.
I used to always be like,
I think I can like not drink and,
and I can still have fun,
but I,
it's hard to not be judgmental,
you know?
Cause I'm just like,
that story sucked or that wasn't funny or whatever it is.
You know what I mean? Um, but there'm just like, that story sucked or that wasn't funny or whatever it is.
You know what I mean?
But there's just a lot more danger in always being the only drunk one is kind of like – one is like you have to deal with the burden and the other one is everyone else has to deal with the burden.
And I think if everyone else has to deal with you, you stop getting invited places and you're a liability and like you could lose your job and fuck up a funeral and fuck up a wedding fuck up
you know how drunk do we talk i say slurring your words oh you can't do that then but not like
but just being like a like a little loud a little bit like your speech is in impeded a bit you're
not fall down drunk but it's like as soon as you open your mouth you're like that's a little too
loud or you're forgetting some things you know it's it's you could get away with it but you know people who
do drink would pretty much know i think that i think that that i was thinking like four beers
which is because that's like a little but if you're talking about the word drunk yeah right
you know drunk has to mean your motor vehicle your motor motor faculties or you're speaking
like all like something's off to the point that people can recognize.
Yeah, then you got to go sober.
You can't be.
Which sucks, but it's just like.
You got time for a hiccup.
I do have the hiccups.
I'm also going on day four or five of my ears not popping after a plane ride.
It's not like totally.
I got home from the airport.
We landed.
It didn't pop.
I got home.
I went to sleep.
It hadn't popped.
One side of my head was like, you know the feeling,
just like you feel like you're going to explode.
And I was covering my nose and my ears, my one ear,
blowing it out, and it still wasn't working.
And I still have not gotten that that satisfying feeling yet I think
it just like slowly like leaked out or went in or whatever it has to happen to fix that but I was
waiting for that moment where it just goes oh and I tweeted about it and I was like I am like starting
to have this horror story in my head about what if I'm the man who it never goes away and I got a
handful of people who tweeted me like it happened to me for six months it happened to me for an extended period of time one guy told me to get in an elevator and
go up and down a skyscraper until it popped uh a lot of people out there i was like you none of
you are helping none of you none of you are helping that um but um i don't even know why i brought that up. Anyway, fuck it. 21. Huh? Cool.
Oh, my God.
I just got it.
Me too.
God damn it.
All right.
Interview time with Aubrey Plaza.
If you know, if you've watched Aubrey Plaza's shows and you know her as an actress, I think she gives off this intimidating vibe and almost is kind of like a
she she doesn't like you might not get along with her like she might get you know she if she doesn't
like you she like tell you or it could be an awkward interview or whatever i think miss
aubrey plaza enjoyed herself on this interview i think she did too i think she was flirting with
john at one point i think that there was some some She liked my shirt.
vibes exchanged.
She did like your shirt.
I think there was some jokes and some
some negging going on
and some just good
old-fashioned flirting
happening.
I think it was
I think it was impressive.
We did a good interview.
It's brought to you by 3Chi.
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on kfc radio let's talk to her hello hey what's up where am i is this video uh you're yeah there you are you sound super excited oh here we go there it is
evil hag huh that's the that's the name that's right the fucking production company better
recognize that okay i gotcha i you. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I haven't seen much coffee.
I was nervous before we started.
Now I'm really scared.
I'm so nervous.
I'm so nervous.
You definitely got, like, that intimidating presence about you, right?
Why?
Because I drink demon blood?
Because you're very funny and you're very intimidating.
And I've never totally guessed this before in my whole life.
I'm very nervous.
Shut up. very intimidating. And, and, um, I've never totally guessed this before in my whole life. I'm very nervous. No.
Yeah.
I think it's the dry sense of humor and,
uh,
the drinking,
the blood,
the evil hag.
And,
uh,
yeah.
The drinking,
the blood,
um,
the,
the Puerto Rican thing.
Let me tell you something.
Puerto Rican Irish is not to be trifled with that's quite a
calm that's quite a combination I can't remember who it is I don't know if you ever met an Irish
Rican before I I'm trying to remember if it's somebody I know in person or if it's just another
person like in in entertainment or whatever but I two words Kevin Corrigan actually I don't know
who else no yeah I feel like i've talked about it before
though i remember being like yo irish and puerto rican like watch the fuck out oh i think the
a priori might be irish and puerto rican either way it's like you you are not to be fucked with
yeah it's a lot of alcohol on both sides
yeah yeah that's no joke i like your shirt very much though
oh thank you yeah that's that's putting me at ease a little bit so we're good we're good we're
ready to rip oh do you want to do you want to reciprocate and say that you like his yeah do
you want to compliment mine oh you should great too um mr nick hamilton! We do that every time. That's not my name at all. My name's John.
Okay, cool. Fuck. Damn it.
God damn it. In no world should you
know that, so that's why.
It's all good. Where's Nick Hamilton?
He's the producer. He's not even on this thing.
Thanks a lot.
All right, you fucked me over, Nick.
You guys look great. Thank you.
We were just watching a little bit of emily emily the
criminal and that shit looks intense i didn't know what to expect at first i didn't know if
it was a comedy or what and uh it is decidedly not and it is fucking no joke no no jokes here
i don't think i don't think there's one There's maybe like one funny moment in the entire movie.
No,
it's like a fucking,
no,
it's like,
it just goes.
Yeah.
It just goes.
Yeah.
White knuckle,
scared,
intense anxiety the whole fucking time.
Right.
Yeah.
It's just all those little,
it's just like little baby steps into this insanity,
but it just,
yeah,
it does.
There's it's relentless.
It doesn't allow you to breathe.
You're just kind of like you're on the ride and then you're off.
Have you ever broken the law?
How about this?
What is like what's your best like kind of scam you ever ran?
Like did you ever have a scam going?
What's the most illegal thing you've ever done?
Have you murdered anybody? will i'll shut up um no my my like illegal stuff is like more like what do i
like to do that's legal like i don't know when i was younger like probably like vandalism things
like that breaking and entering but um just like but in abandoned buildings and stuff like i wasn't like going to people's houses like
whatever um i don't think i ever did that but no i wasn't into that i was gonna say i know like a
lot of people go through a klepto phase when they're like a teenager some of like the most
like put together people i know usually girls would like i would i never in a million years would think that they would do it
we're like oh i stole constantly when i was a teenager like i never paid for clothes ever
i stole a pair of baseball batting gloves once and it was i was scared for weeks
i yeah i was too like catholic school girl like i got that irish yeah that Irish. That's a double whammy that
you pretty much accept
the fact that you're going to hell and you can't
do anything but repent
all the time here on earth. I know, but
I repent every day, but it's still not
good enough. It's still not enough.
You don't repent.
Well, in my own way.
I give myself, I lash myself.
I believe me. Believe know. I give myself, I lash myself. I believe me.
Believe me.
I punish myself.
Believe me.
I punish myself.
Don't you worry about that.
Don't you worry about that.
I used to.
I had a scam I ran.
I had a couple of scams.
I had a scam I ran where I would go to bars.
This is when I was in college and really, really poor.
I'd go to bars with like like like fucking like the american express cards
where like you like like $50 gift cards and i would spend way more than that and then would
just leave really yeah it's really did you ever get called out for it never once but i've made
a lifetime making it up to the service industry um for my my you've been over tipping and over
spending at bars ever since yeah since so honestly they came out ahead
when I was a cocktail waitress
I did a lot of scams but it was
more like I would
just give people pictures of beer
and not charge them
and just left and right
give people free drinks and not charge them
because then I would get more tips
that's not a scam
but I was scamming the restaurant fuck the man and honestly that's
what i'm saying that's what i'm saying no no it's kind of a scam to the to the patron as well because
i used to have everywhere i ever lived when i was in the city i always had like a bar and a bartender
and they would give me so many free drinks but i would end up spending more money
by feeling the need to over tip them by being cool right then i was like i wish you just paid
i wish you just fucking charged everything and then i'd give you 20 and we'd be all gravy but
now i'm giving you 40 50 on every bill and you give me like two free martinis but i'm giving
you like a 700 wait a minute did you used to go to Bulmore?
No. Wait, are you guys in New York?
Yeah. Where are you?
Do you remember Bulmore Lanes?
It was like that bowling alley nightclub.
It's called Lucky Strike now, I believe
is the name.
It was on
University. Anyway, I was probably a waitress.
Entirely possible.
I worked at a lot of different places entirely i worked at a lot of different i
remember i worked at a lot of different places we had what was the worst one
um i mean i was i probably probably bulmore i guess i can say that now it doesn't i would
imagine it would be the bowling alley i'm not sure what what it was it was the ball it was
the bowling alley nightclub and i'll tell you why because when i gonna when i got hired to work there
at the as a cocktail waitress in the lanes,
um,
my first day,
they,
cause you had to,
I don't know if you ever went there,
but you had to wear,
you had to wear like these kinds of like slutty,
like outfits,
you know,
the women did.
And then,
and then like fishnet tights and boots and these like little dresses or
whatever.
And then the first day they were like,
Oh,
congratulations.
Like you're working at Baltimore.
Here's your outfit bulma here's your
outfit and here's your other outfit for the our private nightclub upstairs but you will also work
at called pressure one night a week and i was like excuse me i didn't that sounds a little bit
different than bowling pressure i was like i don't remember i don't remember signing up to work there
but apparently that was like a package deal uh it, it was, that was more of a like vampirist,
like,
like slutty,
like black,
like rat,
like dress that had like weird,
like rags coming off of it.
I don't even remember.
That sounds like a set club.
That sounds quite different than a bowling lane.
It was different.
It was very different.
Um,
at that point you might as well just go be like
the cocktail waitress at the strip club and make a billion dollars more yeah yeah yeah
but that's what i'm saying i was i at a certain point i was like fuck this and i would just yeah
you know go in the retail closet drink my own alcohol go out in the lanes give everybody what
they wanted hell yeah revolution man but i mean i
know i know girls as hostesses you know you can make fucking big money you just have to tolerate
like working a bounce yeah and all these places where it's like you want to put a bullet in your
head but oh yeah you're walking out of there with a lot of cash if you play your cards right you're
walking out with 600 dollars in your pocket you're like all right that was one and it's usually out
of time where that means like the world to you right like for sure six hundred dollars in college that would last me a
semester yeah oh wow that's a little lot no no i know yeah that was me when i was in i was working
there probably right in call i think i was in college still the end of college you were and i
was like you make this much money yeah see that's it's it's crazy being in college in manhattan you know
because it's like it's hard to make it it's hard to live here when you're making like six figures
let alone when you're a college kid you got to know every deal and every scheme dude i know
were you do you have to school were you a page when you were in college or was that after college
no that was my first job after college after i graduated you can't be a page if you're
in school
it's a full-time job oh right that makes perfect sense yeah dude my you have to work seven days a
week really are you used to yes dude some of my shifts were seven days a week and i was like how
is this a week how is this legal my my only knowledge of the page program comes from 30 rock
and like so i just picture everyone as kenneth but you you had like a didn't you do like a guest spot on that weren't you a page i was a yeah that was a scam actually
i pulled i put that was i pulled a scam to get my sag card because basically i was a page
and then i left the page program kept my uniform which you're not supposed to do and then they were shooting
they were shooting the 30 rock pilot in the in the building obviously and they were they were
just shooting the pot or was it the six episode they're shooting the first season or whatever and
someone that i knew was working working the casting and they were like oh they they need to
like they need a page they need to cast someone to play a page to just do like three lines at the
opening of the scene or whatever i was like just let me do it i was like i have my uniform i just bring my
own uniform i was like we're good to go like i know that i know my lines because i know my
fucking speech and whatever and i was like just put just throw me in there i'll do it and uh i
just like was you know like harassing them and they finally were like all right all right do it
do it do it and then i and then i did it and then because I was speaking on camera and it made it into the cut, I got my SAG card.
I got into the union.
Oh, wait.
That was like the first thing?
That was your first thing?
Yeah.
Dude.
That was the first time I was on camera.
Maybe because I'm always watching.
I'm kind of perpetually watching 30 Rock.
So I think of it as far more recent.
But that's easy.
I didn't have a character.
That was literally like I was basically like a glorified extra.
I never came.
They didn't know who I was.
I was nobody.
I just did one.
I literally was just doing the actual speech that I normally give.
I just made it onto the camera.
I don't know.
That's a great hustle.
That's crazy.
But you were going to be an actress anyway, right?
Like that was.
No, no, definitely.
I was trying to be an actress.
I was doing comedy at UCB and stuff.
But yeah, I was just in that building all the time.
I just kept getting different jobs in that building.
I was an intern in so many different departments.
I'm just going to be on one of the floors here.
Just fucking give me a job, guys.
I'm not leaving.
Seriously, I was.
I worked at all kinds of weird jobs in that building.
The be there mentality has gotten me a lot of things we've had a few
people here i just happen to be here so the the be here and i'm not leaving either yeah yeah we've
had a couple people get fired and they're just like no no i i will not i'll be here tomorrow
and it's just like well okay yeah i try you can't fire someone who doesn't want to be fired
you're not making any money but you're still here so you are making money it's it's all a scam what is my biggest scam this fucking job yeah podcasting this like this whole
world on the internet is a big scam right it's all gonna come crashing i feel that way every movie i
make i'm like i just pull it always feels like we've just pulled off a scam really like a heist
because i can get any movies yeah i guess indie movies are like uh you're doing it by the skin
of your teeth.
This movie for sure.
I mean,
yeah,
we had,
we had no,
we did not have a lot of money.
We were shooting in Los Angeles.
We did it down and dirty style.
We,
you know,
we did it without saying too much.
You know, we did everything we could make it.
Did you have craft services?
Yeah,
we did.
But you know,
with COVID now,
yeah,
but no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no
craft service no no no wait a minute craft services on this movie was like it was literally
like a couple things of ritz crackers and like some gatorade or something i swear to god it was
like nothing you can't have that services i was i was in a uh a music video recently and i was
really looking forward to the craft services,
and we had to make our own sandwiches, and I was super disappointed.
Yeah, because of COVID?
I don't know why.
That's probably why, yeah.
I was like, hey, come on, man.
It's my first time ever going to have craft services, and they made me make my own fucking turkey sandwich.
Those days are over.
Those days are over.
COVID ruined everything.
It's not bouncing back.
That's what they do.
Once they can make something more expensive or less hard or cheaper for them,
it's like, okay, it's all over.
It's like we're still paying baggage fees.
They don't need to pay anymore, and gas is going to stay expensive forever,
and craft service is going to suck forever because they just give an inch,
take a mile.
These fucking rats. Yeah, they just take
and they take and they take and they take until you get the goddamn
rules yourself. That's right. Emily the criminal.
You're not going to fucking stop us.
Change the rules yourself. I've
been changing the rules at the grocery store.
My biggest scam right now,
the self-checkout
technology is just not there yet.
It's fucked up what we did to old
people where we're just like, hey, by the way, you guys have to use
computers now to buy groceries.
Have you ever seen them stand there
just trying to figure it out?
Here's the deal. You have to scan
and then you have to put it in the section where
the weight is correct.
You also have to have
a bag. If you don't pick up the
fucking bag, then it beeps you out of there.
It's like, where's your bag? If you buy something that doesn't weigh have a bag if you don't pick up the fucking bag then it like beeps you out of there yeah and it's
like where's your bag and if you buy something that doesn't weigh a lot it the fucking thing
doesn't register and then if you start to bag it too early they're like please put that back
so if i'm scanning and it's the and i know what i'm doing and it's the computer's problem
i just steal it i just take it like the other day i was trying to scan the fucking chicken i was
buying and it wasn't doing it.
And I tried and I tried and I tried and I was like, I'm fucking stealing this.
I get it.
There's a point at which, you know, they deserve it.
Yeah.
I put in the effort.
I tried to stop and shop.
Kevin, the criminal.
You don't work there.
You don't work there.
It's like you don't work there.
I don't owe anything to stop and shop.
Like, why would I care?
It's not fucking coming out of my pocket.
Why pay for groceries at all?
Just go to the store and take everything, right?
Yeah, exactly.
Guess what?
I'm going to shop.
I'm not going to stop.
I'm just going to keep walking.
I get it.
Was this movie...
Is it easy for you to do? know like a intense fucked up scary you know i'm
gonna be a criminal type role has that has it been like something you've always kind of like i want
to be you know i would like to do that yes in acting or real life like sometimes i think about
being the bad guy in real life it'd be be kind of cool. You know? I mean,
I don't know.
No,
not in real life.
I don't think I'm not like,
you know,
I'm not just like trying to,
I mean,
I,
but look,
I grew up,
I'll just say,
you know,
the people that I grew up around,
you know,
I knew a lot of criminals growing up,
you know,
it's still not them.
You had no chance.
So whatever,
but I'm just, I mean, it was, it's not a world you had no chance so whatever but i'm just i mean it was it's
not a world that i'm unfamiliar with um you know so i guess there is a part of me that it feel it
felt you know it feels kind of like familiar um in a way so but i don't know i never thought about
playing a character like that until i read the script and then i was like i got this one in the bag like i i got it and then i yeah i mean like you see i've always wondered that about
actors in general like or or writers produce whatever like when someone writes saw or hostile
or whatever i'm like yeah you are fucked up you got some issues if you can come up with some of
these yeah we're gonna have rats eat your head because you haven't confessed your your crimes or you know whatever yeah that's fucked up or or it's why you
know brad pitt and angelina jolie like actually fall in love like sometimes we're out here like
acting a little too real and if all of a sudden too real a little too believable emily can't just
turn it off when she goes back to her regular life and she changes the rules you know it might be dangerous no i sleep with the taser under my
pillow um but yeah no i can't yeah no it's everything everything that i do i feel like i
wouldn't do anything i think that i that i didn't feel like i could tap into because i wanted to
feel real like i i don't want to just pretend like i want to i want to like go there you know so it
felt but it felt this character for me felt like you can see like all the little kind of
oh uh-oh
sir what no we lost we lost you fucking zoom zoom stinks we lost you for a second there
you had your arm up.
You were saying something about tap into.
You said all the little things.
You lost me?
Is it my Wi-Fi?
I thought my Wi-Fi was good.
We're an internet company that doesn't have internet, so it's probably us.
You said you can see all the little things.
I don't even know what I saw.
See, because I'll tell you what else is a big scam.
This shit right here.
I'm boring.
You guys just hop on. You're like, I don't know just watch the fucking movie where are you are you in a basement somewhere like where
that's a that's a nasty podcast stereotype that was rude i am not in my mind that was rude
apologize all right all right all right it's just the walls. I don't know. Apologize. I'm sorry. No, definitely not.
Fuck you.
We're in this windowless.
We are.
It's nice.
Honestly, if it wasn't on the second floor, it would be considered a basement.
So you're not totally inaccurate.
Your signal's not good.
Maybe you guys should move up a couple levels.
Yeah, probably not.
You know what we need to do?
Here's the thing.
What?
If you're in a studio that has like
the uh the soundproof shit on the wall it's okay that like you don't have any windows or ventilation
or anything yeah because it's like that's how it's supposed to be we don't have any of that so
it just looks like we're in a fucking we're in a basement yeah basically no you're very you're
very accurate you kind of hit the nail i wasn't saying that like about basements are cool i grew
up with a lot of cool things happening in basements basements are where it's at basements really i grew up with basements all right fine rank
rank the rooms of the house right from attic oh to basement one um basement probably is one
basement's definitely one you can do anything in a fucking basement and by the way shit goes down in the world you know
other than like i guess i don't know earth an earthquake it's like where do you go
tornadoes basement basement i used to drink and watch the lizzie mcguire movie when i was 14
hell yeah we would have exactly like a weird experience where dreams are made of
i used to watch the lizzie McGuire movie on repeat.
That movie was sick, dude.
My sister is obsessed with Lizzie McGuire.
My sister is obsessed with Lizzie McGuire movie and made me watch it on repeat
and then visited me in Italy and went to the Trevi Fountain to recreate Lizzie McGuire.
You have nothing on my Lizzie McGcguire like obsessed sister so i get it
me and your sister could talk lizzie for for are you single i am yeah
how old are you i'm 33 should you guys should i just should i just check out really
no no i was just i was just asking what's your no. I was just asking.
What's your last name?
It's Feidelberg.
It's F-E-I-T-E-L-B-E-R-G.
Do you want my address?
I'll give that as well.
No, no.
We're good.
Mother's maiden name.
Actually, address.
That would be a weirder one.
A phone number.
How about that?
I'll say that live on air.
I don't fucking care.
Why are you pressing in for all this information?
No, no.
I was just asking about it for my sister. Just forget about it.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, no, no.
Sorry, sorry, man.
But you're going to marry into this family now.
Yeah, goddamn.
You'll be John Plaza.
Wedding in Italy at the Trevi Fountain?
Yeah, let's go.
Yeah, I got a little something there.
You better
know how to commit crimes. Oh uh i know how to commit crime you better
know how to drink somebody under the table ah now you're talking i was gonna say he's lying
about the crimes thing but you for sure fit in with the drinking yeah i can handle that
you got you got you got the irish side of you when it comes to drinking
i would, well...
I guess Port Regans drink too, but Irish.
Oh, Port Regans definitely drink.
They drink.
So it's a real toss-up.
But I guess Irish, I guess, trumps that.
What do you think is your favorite meme of yourself?
Because the one I always see is alcohol.
What is it from April Says?
Like alcohol is losing all the world's problems or something like that. Oh, yeah.
I don't know. Come on.
Am I a meme of myself? Yeah, dude.
No, I don't. You don't know your own memes?
More long. People don't send them to you?
I've seen memes
of myself, but I don't know
what
the popular
ones are. And by the way,
can I make money off of this?
Or is this like an NFT thing?
I was thinking about that.
Oh, yeah.
That's a good idea.
I actually was thinking the next step
is going to be people being like,
I own my own memes.
Fuck you.
But that kind of sucks for the rest of us.
That would make a lot of sense.
I think there's a meme.
You know what?
I think there's a meme of me
holding up a knife or something.
With a knife.
Because I feel like I've actually used that I've sent it to people I've been select I very selectively have
sent have used my own yeah that's the same people I mean April's just a Trevor Trove of them like I
actually don't even remember these ones the only things I like are dogs sleeping late and weird
birthmarks you can't make museums about those.
I don't remember that at all.
I don't remember.
It's when you guys are at the, what is it?
The roll in the ball.
I think it's one of the later seasons.
I wanted to make fun of stupid people while I get drunk by two true passions.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're having a meme off right now. Yeah, those are some lines right there.
You don't even remember lines like that you don't remember moments like i remember some
of them but i would say the later seasons of parks and rec like are really blurry to me i don't know
i like i think because after what like those were the days i mean i'm sure there's there's still
sitcoms on the air that shoot 22 24 episodes a season but like back in those days like yeah
we're shooting what episodes a season.
I saw a tweet the other day
that said,
what if some of those shows
were a tight 10 episodes
that were really funny
or really dramatic,
the best episodes,
and you didn't have filler?
But part of it,
I like the fact that...
I don't think those shows ever have...
The Office, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, when I go back and watch like that thursday night mbc which was stacked as shit
yeah i i don't i don't ever think of like a filler episode but i wonder you know i mean i'm sure some
of them weren't like the best jokes i mean but i all part of me also loves there were dive in for
fucking like five months you know you get so many episodes i just don't think yeah like i think those
shows are really comforting to people.
Like, I hear all the time, like, we all, all of us hear all the time when people are like, I got really sick and I was sick for months.
And this is the show, like, your show, like, saved my life because there's so much to watch.
It's a different kind of show.
Like, I don't think it's like, it's more like character based.
It's like, you just want to like be with the, you just want to like be with the characters.
You don't, it's like, you don't care, like the you just want to like be with the characters you don't it's like you don't care like the big dramatic
cliffhanger moment like who cares like the plot doesn't matter it's not about the plot yeah it's
like you're part of like it's like you just want to like you're in the group yeah you just want to
see people shit on jerry at least that's what i was just like as long as we're mean mean to jerry
like this episode will be good jim oHare is one of our most memorable guests
because he came in and he just showed
how fat his goddamn tongue is.
And it was...
Honestly,
swear to God, it looked like your couch.
It looked like your couch.
I've seen it.
Oh man, that thing was gross.
I've seen it. I felt it.
I felt it in my mouth.
Serious.
Yeah.
Do you remember that?
We made out on this night show.
You made out?
You did?
I don't remember that.
You don't really remember that?
No.
Look it up online.
It's disturbing.
Did it, like, fit in there?
Like, was there enough room for your tongue and his tongue?
I don't know, dude.
It's all on camera.
Talk about blurry, fuzzy moments.
That's got to be one.
That thing just trying to put
a big SUV in a tiny garage.
It was a prank.
It was my idea and I was like,
Jim, if we make out...
It was like the whole cast of jim if we make out like because we it was like the
whole cast of parks we sang like a song on like was it jimmy fallon i literally don't remember
but it was a it was a late night show we sang it was on nbc was this stuff my agreement we sang a
song the cast sang a song and then i was like i was like we should start making out at the very
end of the song it'll freak everybody out because the show it was like the we should start making out at the very end of the song. It'll freak everybody out.
It was like the end of the show.
I was like, it'll be so disturbing.
Mike Schur will kill himself.
He'll be so freaked out.
And then Jim has a really dirty sense of humor.
The dirtiest out of anyone.
And he was like, I'm down.
I'm watching it right now.
Your hands up in the fucking sky.
You're like, just do it.
When he came on, it was like,
someone kind of warned us, just so you know.
Oh my god, you guys went in.
Dude, that is a fucking...
You went in.
Yo, you're still going?
This is so long.
I told you.
So long.
I told you.
Oh my goodness gracious. That is a moment. I mean you. I told you.
Oh my goodness gracious.
That is a moment.
I mean, you're absolutely right.
Comedically, it was fucking hilarious.
But it's so wrong, right?
It's so wrong.
Yeah, it's one of those things.
It's like, this is...
Because especially a show like that,
you kind of almost forget
that they're real humans.
I know.
That's why I thought... that's why I thought,
that's why I was like, this will be hilarious.
Like, Mike Schur, Mike Schur is the creator of the show.
And everybody else.
Chris Pratt's just singing.
Everyone else has the fucking,
the lighters out.
Like, no one else.
No, but everybody went back and watched it and they were horrified by it.
They were like, this is the grossest thing I've ever
seen in my life.
But isn't that like kind of
it's funny, but it's
also when people are like, yo, that's
fucking disgusting. It's like, okay,
well, relax. Hey, it's not that
gross, whatever. We're just two people making out.
I mean, we were.
He was like my brother or something, but that's fine.
When people came in, we kind of got the warning that he has a very dirty sense.
Not a warning, but just a heads up.
He's like, you're dirty.
And then I watched, I think probably one of the more famous bloopers of all time
is when Chris Pratt is doing the uh it's when he has the
comeback and and he is like he's like oh he's like he's like kim kardashian like well she didn't
come back no i think she got some gum on her back yeah and like yeah yeah everyone kind of pauses
like thinking about it for a second and jim is the first one to start losing it. Get it? Come.
Get it?
He also mentioned, we've heard this from a couple
of your castmates,
that the Parks and Rec group
text is like one of their
favorite group texts that they have
on their phone.
Do you engage in that? Are you one of those people?
Yeah, of course I do.
I can see you being a group text watcher but not an engager i'm not like yeah i would say that's pretty accurate
i'm i mean i engage i engage but i'm not like um you know i'm not just like hitting everybody up
every five seconds and i'll i'm selective about you know but no i engage i know i'm just i don't know i i'm normal i'm a normal
i'm a normal texter that is the way to announce i am not i was gonna say you're a fucking weird
texter you don't know the way i do it the way i do it is normal totally normal way everybody
that's wrong i do it normally you send i respond I do it normally. You send one text a week.
No, I don't.
Yeah, you do.
I wish.
I wish I was one of those people.
I wish I was one of those people who's like, I'm not going to have an iPhone anymore.
I'm going to have a flip phone.
It's like, yeah, you can do that because whatever.
You can.
But I can't.
But I wish I could.
I fucking hate my phone.
I wish I could throw it.
I'm fired.
I've slowly been becoming anti-phone.
It's fucking awesome. I'm getting there. It's really detrimental getting, becoming anti-phone. It's fucking awesome.
I'm,
I'm getting there.
It's really detrimental to my career.
Yeah.
I was going to say,
it's awful for work,
but Hey,
whatever.
As long as you're happy,
you're weighing us down,
but whatever,
dude,
it is.
It is.
I,
I just,
this past weekend,
I was like,
I was out.
Oh,
I wasn't even doing my phone out.
Like I was,
I was leaving the phone at the house.
It is. It is great. That that's freedom yeah man that is free we talk about a
lot these phones are they're tracking us they're they're watching us okay so you're weird okay
they were like they were like where is he they don't even know what yeah it is if i didn't have
kids i think i would i would be slowly going off the grid as well with like we talked
about it extensively that like one day people could be like you run your phones all the time
like no wonder you will have brain rot all of you we'll we'll be we'll be in homes by the time we're
50 it's really what do you mean you run your phones like we were always like the fact that
we were constantly on our phone i think in the future people would be like can you believe that
like they used to be on their phone like 12 hours.
For sure.
For sure.
It's going to be like cigarettes.
People being like, this was bad for you and we didn't know it.
100%.
Do you engage a lot on social media?
No.
I mean, I have one because like you were saying, like as a business woman, it's stupid for me to not have one because it's a
it's a way to you know market the shit that i have like i use it for work i don't do a lot
of personal stuff like i don't and do that and i can't wait um i mean yeah it's like as a producer
you know if you don't have it and you make that your thing that almost becomes your like your
promo it's like oh she doesn't even have social media she doesn't even need to promote but i feel like you do have to
look if i was just if i was just an actor i would not be on social media i'd be out but if i was
but because i'm producing and writing and i have all these other things i want to do it's like i
want you know it's like i want to you know yeah know, get it out there. And, and, and, and also I like, I like having control of my own messaging and my own
marketing. I do like that part of it so that I can control how I, how it, you know, how I put it
out there, but it's all bulls. It's all garbage. I hate it all. What would you rather be? Would
you rather describe yourself as a hashtag girl boss or a hashtag boss bitch i guess well i mean literally boss bitch just because i don't the girl boss i just don't i'm
first of all i'm a woman and i'm not a girl boss woman doesn't really roll though so i'll be a
hashtag woman boss bitch or whatever but um beautiful but yeah whatever you you also produce little demon right that comes out like
august 25th is that is that the cup is that is that a little oh you want to talk about scams
voiceovers man that's you guys got the best racket in all the whole world doing voiceover
you know what honestly honestly that those things have changed okay those there's like a select
you're gonna try to pitch me on that that that that, that applies to, I'm telling you,
I'm telling you, cause I'm, I, I do it sometimes. And I'm, I thought that too. I was like, whoa,
like they're going to ask me to be in like some huge, like animated movie. I'm like, this is it
baby. And then they're like, Oh no, you're not getting paid anything. And I was like,
I was like, why? There's, there's. No, no, no. There are certain people that that's still that.
Like, I do.
There's a leftover era of voiceover people that I think are just breaking it in.
But I don't think that that's as.
Because you're saying, like, the pay started to kind of reflect, like.
I mean, I'm obviously joking.
I just think those things have changed.
It's like the industry the industry has changed it's like obviously everyone in the you know
everyone is still like privileged and and making a real good earnings and stuff but like it's
different like in the 90s you know those like syndication deals like it's like things aren't
the same like you know what i mean like things have changed. I feel like it used to be like you get like, I don't know,
you get like an appearance on a late night show
and then like you're in one movie and you're set for life
because every movie, like the movies roll in, the money rolls in,
and now it's like just not like that.
I don't know, dude.
I don't think so.
But I don't know.
That's my experience.
But maybe I'm stupid and I don't know.
Nah, you're a hashtag girl boss woman.
Woman boss bitch.
Woman boss bitch.
WBB.
Don't type that in.
Little Demon,
working with the DeVitos has to be...
We had Danny on
I don't even know.
Four or five years ago he is awesome he is
like the funniest interesting man in the world you know it was really funny he was doing we were
promoting dumbo because he did the voice of the carnival guy oh yeah he was dumbo no no he's but
he's he's the ring man right that's him and so. Yeah. And so we had like Disney in the room,
but we wanted to talk a lot more about like always sunny and just some of like the,
and he started talking about like,
I think we asked him,
what's like the one thing that didn't make it to,
to,
to cut,
uh,
like one of the,
I,
it was some horrendous story involving like sexual assault.
They were pranking him.
And Disney was like,
Oh no,
it was,
it was a script for,
for,
for Dennis, for Frank Reynolds
and it was an April
Fool's Day prank where it was a
horrific script.
And the Disney people were like dude you can't say
all this. It was awesome.
Danny you know Danny
will just say what Danny wants to say
and that's what Danny does.
In all time
I mean
who's better than him
Danny DeVito as Satan
it's like
it's perfect casting
and it's the most fun
because we get to improvise in the booth
and I play like his baby mama
and our relationship
is super fucked up
it's like you know it's
like we're super into each other we're like turned on by each other and we like are attracted to each
other but like you know i hate him he's literally the devil i'm like this guy i can't believe i
like you know i'd suck with the devil i'm like oh i was so drunk who would be uh worse who would you
what would be worse than being the baby mama to the devil?
Wait, what?
Who is worse than?
I can't figure out how to phrase this.
I guess it's your baby father, right?
Who would be a worse baby father than Lucifer?
Who's the worst baby father than Lucifer?
I don't know. I'm just trying to think of the most hateable um I don't know I just I'm thinking like the hate the most hateable
I don't know don't make me think of a hate a person that I hate well done I can't believe
you even considered answering all the obvious no I was like she's gonna say something right now
no you probably do have to go right now though so
we don't want to take up too much more of your time but um emily uh the criminal is out and looks
yeah it looks fucking intense yeah we didn't get a screener but i'm very excited to watch it but
we didn't get it so we only saw the trailer but it was like oh holy serious why i'll send you guys
a screener hell yeah please do yeah well you also got to get his number for your sister.
In the email with your sister's number.
Let's all just get together
and watch it in Italy together
for the wedding. I'll be best man.
You can be the maid of honor.
It'll be a whole thing. We'll play Lizzie McGuire.
Whatever.
Danny Vito will be there.
Sounds good. I'll see you there. Sounds good.
I'll see you there.
Thank you.
Thank you very much, Aubrey.
Later.
All right. សូវាប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បានប់បាាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.