KFC Radio - Barstool Alien Mets Fans + Smitty Drama - Full Episode

Episode Date: October 8, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 KFC might not survive the Mets winning anymore 28:58 Smitty corners KFC to yell at him about missing work 47:05 Klemmer needs to shut his mouth 52:01 Microdosing Haircuts 58:29 Feits' take on Will & Harper 01:09:48 Jack Doherty films totaling $200k car 01:18:54 Zillow commercial 01:24:01 Sabrina Carpenter 01:32:47 Video Voicemails 01:36:54 Video of Shaving cream ping pong balls WR: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DAQfnfGBG-P/?igsh=MXgzZjVmMmx1cDEyZg%3D%3D ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ PRESENTED BY JACKPOCKET: New customers, use code KFC and you’ll get your first ticket free at https://jackpocket.onelink.me/sY17/KFC GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, NY Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY. 18 or older (19+ in Nebraska, 21+ in Arizona). Void where prohibited. Promo code required for $2 non-withdrawable credit. Prize amount may differ at time of drawing. Terms jackpocket.com/tos/free-ticket-promo/ Gametime: Download the Gametime app today and use code KFC to easily score great deals with the new Gametime Picks! Simplisafe: Protect your home with 50% off a new SimpliSafe system, plus a free indoor security camera, when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring at https://SIMPLISAFE.com/kfcradio. Huel: Try Huel with 15% OFF today using code KFC15 at https://my.huel.com/kfc15. Fuel your best performance with Huel today! Express: Use code SADBOYSZN for an extra 20% off your purchase in store or online at https://www.express.comYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. So Smitty came into the office and people were saying... The report from Nate was... And Tommy was... Apparently Tommy was shaking. Jackpocket Jackpocket is easier than ever to order national and state lottery

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Terms jackpocket.com slash TOS slash free-ticket-promo slash. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. I am still here, still alive, but I don't know how much longer I will last. This baseball shit is killing me. Because of... You don't know how much longer you'll last because you've met somebody

eliminated or because you're just gassed. I don't know how much longer I am alive. Physically alive. I was saying that recently it's funny that there's kind of a shift in in like the good teams at barstool yeah which i think is going to be interesting to see because you're rooting for your fan your team very differently like like how you portray your your cheering if I'm making sense here. Sure.

Like, I don't think I was very good at being like the champion. Dave, obviously he was great. Yes. Yes. Yes. And I think it's a harder thing to be like the lovable or a harder thing to

be the champion than the lovable. Totally. And so like, like the commanders look great. Bears look like they might have their guy. Yeah. Mets, Mets turning around.

Like a lot of the like bottom of the totem pole teams seem like they might have their guy yeah that's not Mets Mets turning around like a lot of the like bottom of the totem pole teams seem like they're going to be pretty good yeah and then you got to be like because they could first of all the way you root for the team I think has to change and second of all the amount of time you spend rooting for the team gets a lot longer I cannot even fathom the thought that Champagne Problems, if and when, God willing, have to do another series for seven games and then another series. And the Mets are a little bit special in that we've been doing this probably since September 15th-ish. So we've already had two, three weeks under our belt. Yeah. And then also the first four games, five games, whatever, have been probably like the four best baseball games I've ever watched. Probably.

Like crazy, you know, like Tommy Pope from Stumpf Island texted me being like, that was the best baseball game I think I've ever watched. And I was like, I've had three in a row. Yeah. I've had that game three in a row like truly there was some stat that was like no team has ever in any situation had four games where the team leading in the eighth inning did not end up winning the game or something like that and it's like the mets did it four times in a row in the in this postseason that's fucking bananas yeah so um you know we're not used to it and it's it's physically like you have to be at the office and doing a lot more it's emotionally killing me and we have compiled this alien crew that i think

is top like three groups ever up yeah i don't know how else to really group people it's like everybody gets grouped by their fan bases but then there's also just like this podcast and this the punk band and there's just bands that like link together me tank clemmer meek clem jenks pavs kyle rico jack mac freaks we're all fucking freaks every other name you kept adding i was like oh god i forgot oh my god we look ridiculous shout out to geo from wfan in the morning show he said it best it looks like the bar in star wars yeah mose mose mose isley cantina where it says this guy has antennas and this guy has five eyes and this guy's fat and this guy's small. And it's just like you look at this ragtag crew that, you know,

it's like act like you've been there. We've never been there. And we're having these most unbelievable dramatic games and we all look and act crazy and different. Like I honestly, the philly matchup brings juice and dave being like a de facto phillies fan because of his bet certainly adds another element but i don't think we need the opponent in the cave no we really don't know you you know like ronan gia were there and did a great job matt max brought some flavor but like it's just us because we will infight.

We will celebrate. It's the Mets show right now, baby. Fucking Clemmer, that alien. He's like 100 pounds. That crew is a wrecking crew, dude. What was it? When we were out in Chicago, we went to a bar Thursday night? That would be Thursday night.

Thursday night. This was Alonzo. Alonzo home run. He told me he almost got kicked out. Dude, he went crazy. He was going to rip his shirt off. He went sprinting, running around the bar,

screaming, and he came back and he had both hands right here and I was like, he's going to rip his shirt off. I don't know what he's doing, but he's going to rip his shirt off. And then he disappeared for like 10 minutes afterwards. And I was like, where the fucking paths go?

And he was outside on FaceTime. And Owen just goes, him and his dad are figuring out the bullpen right now. I'm like, Peterson? Yeah, Peterson. Oh, man. We take the OMG picture

after every win. It's fucking great, man. It's been so, so fun. And I've gotten a lot of... Sorry. You can just say anything. Can you just screen record? Yeah.

Thank you. I've gotten a lot of, of course, hate people being like, your reaction makes me want the Phillies to win, whatever. But I've got a lot of people being like, I'm rooting for the Mets now because of you guys. I'm watching the Mets. Yeah. Yeah. I think we got back to good gambling cave streams.

When you care about the team. I think that is a huge difference. I used to call it the electric chair. I always loved that. Because it was like, at that point, it was like one or two guys sitting in a chair. And I was like, and I remember someone saying it was electric. And I was like, oh, it's like the electric chair.

You're sitting there and you're like, it's like the electric chair. It's like a double meaning. One that we made up or it's a sports thing? I think we made up. Oh, yeah. I think that's what I'm saying. Like when we first did it, I was like,

it's like sitting in the electric chair.'s watching you to die because when i was watching everyone wanted to see me lose yeah so i was like it's like i'm actually sitting in an electric chair and then we always say electric at barstool so it's like this funny double meaning and that would that was just when you were rooting for a team and then it kind of became gambling cave where it's like because gambling is so important here it was like whether you're bet and all that shit dude now it's back to like i think some i think some of you guys have been betting on the game but nobody has been like oh fuck my you know the under runs or whatever no the care team i care about for 30 years yes dude that's that same night i that night i wish

we had a camera on us the whole night because first first of all, Pabst and I called every single step of that comeback. Every single step. I don't know who bats before Lindor, but he struck out to end the eighth. And I went, that's good. You want Lindor up. You want Lindor to start it off. And then Lindor starts. He starts every round.

Every time. And I went to Pabst. I went, you want a home run or you want a single? And he goes, single. I went, right answer. And then he goes, really? A walk? And I was like, oh, well, walk. you want a single? And he goes, single. I went, right answer. And then he goes, really? A walk? And I was like, oh, well, walk, the bets win.

And he's like, yes. It's true. Right. That guy's coming around to score. And then Alonzo got up, and I walk into it, we were both like, it's either double play or a home run. It's either double play or a home run. But then what sucked is afterwards, after Paz went nuts as i just described like five different people

were like dude what'd you hit what'd you hit yeah and i was like hey message to gamblers and look i like gambling i'm watching the game probably got a couple shillings on it but people just like sports that's like the more yeah like it's like that's the end like people used to say like oh you root for them we're rooting for why you like them and like like that's the end. Like people used to say like, oh, you root for them? Who are you rooting for? Why do you like them? And that's, people, some people just like fucking sports. And Pabst's reaction would have been an insane reaction for someone who had $20 on him.

Right. You won a couple hundred bucks or something. You don't have to be like you hit, you know, a Dave type bet for that kind of reaction. It's like every time we walk into a bar, every time we're excited, it's like, oh, what'd you hit? What'd you oh what'd you hit what's on the phone nothing man the fucking team i've been rooting for for 34 years just fucking one yeah that's what i hit yes that's it yeah man and that's i mean that is this crew to a t it's like obviously and and me and frank getting along is like this weird you know like uh plot twist in the movie because i we've been saying we have Frank Fleming in the cave. We don't have Tank. He's been great.

And when he's not being an asshole, he's actually amazing to watch because he's like this encyclopedia where he's just telling me stories about the games and the last time that happened was this. I was like, oh, no way. And Clemmer's got a lot of weird

knowledge too. And it is uh i got my sponsor clem in there excuse me you know somewhat even keeled and meek's crying it's it is a very i wouldn't have it any other way like i wouldn't want to be with like the cool kids watching yeah i mean i want it to be the the absolute weirdos um what fan base do you think is the coolest? The coolest? Like the cool kids? Yeah. I mean, you know, Boston had all the winning and the money.

Boston. I wasn't going to let Kevin say it. Boston. I mean, Chicklets is not Boston, though, right? I mean, Whitney is from Boston. Grinnell is from Boston. R.A. is from Boston. Yeah, you got a lot of the gang there.

But Witt is Boston outside of hockey. Witt doesn't root for the Bruins. Got it. Right. Okay. But so, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's part of Boston. That's a tough crew to beat.

I'd say we're the biggest losers. But we're winning now, baby! It's been... It's been draining. I wake up sore every day. Everyone keeps saying I look tired. I don't know. Yeah, it's like... And it just started. But I keep telling people it didn't just start. The playoffs are supposed to be a month. And we basically are

if, God willing again, if we make a deep run, we're going to do two, basically. Because that final... And that's not unique. A lot of people have fought in a pennant race race but this one was particularly crazy with the double header and all that shit uh but i like in the sixth inning last night my neck was like killing me i saw you were walking are you stretching out yeah and i was like what's wrong with me and it's like oh i've been like this for two and a half hours it's funny It's like taking the bench warmers and putting them in all game. That's right. We're not used to

this. Not like the cardio. Dude, that was the when I was on Boy Dad a couple weeks ago. Sash was talking

about his growing up a Boston fan. Yeah. He was like, he was like, because again, like you got to prepare your stamina.

He's like, we didn't even care until the Super Bowl. Every year it was just like, oh, we watch the Super Bowl. Pats are on. You got to prepare your stamina. He's like, we didn't even care until the Super Bowl. Every year, it was just like, oh, we're going to watch the Super Bowl? Pats are on. You've got to get your stamina. You've got to realize, all right, this series is pretty important,

but you can't go all out this series. Do you see J.D. Martinez? No. Oh, what, we suck the suck off? Well, that was funny, too. Yeah, he said, let's go have fun sucking. You think we suck? Good, you suck.

We all suck. Let's go have fun sucking. He was like, suck good you suck we all suck let's go have fun sucking okay uh but he was just doing his his post game he had the it was during the celebration for the i think beating the brewers he had the goggles on he's champagne soaked and he was just like this and they're asking him questions and he's like yeah you know it's great game and they're like you're pretty like cool calm collected he's like yeah you know i mean i told the guys you can never get up too high or too low. And I'm just thinking, he's been through the fire. He was in the playoffs every year for like six, seven years.

Right, right. Dodgers, Sox. Oh, right, right, right. So yeah, he's been around a lot. Yeah, you won the 2020 World Series too. Did he go over in the Betts trade? What's that? Was it the Betts trade?

He wasn't involved in that, right? He was not involved in the Betts trade, but he went from the Sox to the Dodgers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he wasn't there for the World Series because Betts was there for that. I don't know. I think he might have been. Either way, it was like a playoff bet. So he was like, you know, stay calm.

The rest of the guys are fucking freaking out, you know? But yeah, I'm very happy for an off day right now. It's like I'm going to go watch some trash reality TV and maybe maybe get some sleep because then you go home and you watch like every fucking it used to be like highlights but now it's like i go home and watch every hype video and mashup that's the whole this whole it's a whole new way to consume sports which is actually really cool it's like bro and then when you get home and you're fucking like you get in the morning and like the sports center anchors are sucking your team off yeah but so that's it used to be for me it was like sports center and i used to run i'm so fucking old i'd be like i gotta go get the papers yeah i wanted to see what

the back page paper said and what like you know fucking uh uh mike mike uh what's his name mike not rapoli mike lupica used to write about it you know it's like you have these journalists and then i would put on francesa at one o'clock but now it's like write about it. You know, it's like these journalists. And then I would put on Francesa at 1 o'clock. But now it's like, oh, I got to go. I know this person's account makes good hype videos. And this person has the clips right away and like all that shit. And it's also the part where you're like, oh, I got to be Francesa now. Yeah, yeah.

Honestly, right. There are people who are coming to see my reaction. Yeah, so what I'm hoping is I'm like, I want to put this out there. I really think that Citi Field is like sneaky, like the best home field. I would say so. In like maybe the sport. And I'm like – I was like we will hold down the internet. You guys got to hold it down at Citi Field.

Seven Line is going to be there. But like I think Mets fans, I hope they show out, are the type that – it might be like the top of the first batter, two strikes, everyone is on their feet. And I want it to be like that way from – of it it's just like you got a job tonight just one night one fucking night four hours you gotta you gotta put it in the work you're gonna be sweating you're gonna be tired you're gonna be sore but like put in the work and let's make this shit rowdy and we'll be you know uh sitting in guantanamo bay like getting tortured on the internet uh it's so fun when you win

and it's so bad when you lose. It changes everything about it because Sunday morning, I woke up after the win. I got so much shit done, did my laundry at like 9 a.m. It literally changes your life. Just a better person overall,

nicer to people. When they lose, I'm fucking miserable and I'm a cunt. People know to like steer clear. But then also to maybe like take you guys off edge a little bit like some of my favorite moments it's they come years later it happens but like i won't lose like i love seeing the video like like that gets posted like when when we thought brady

through the pick in the afc championship in 2018 and like i dropped my knees i'm like no but that's because so you're saying because you then also had like the win afterwards yeah yeah yeah but so like that's that's fun in the moment they're not but like the heartbreak moments will be awesome for sure yeah for sure because some of even like the best videos we watch was like pete alonzo dropping that ball and then next inning he hits a home run right so that's like the grand version of it where it's like things were really bad you were down and out and then it got good again i guess it'll only be awesome if you win yeah it just sucks yeah if you don't have that those moments

it sucks but uh yeah i mean that the cave is is a trip man i uh on that v i knew that viento's home run was coming i couldn't believe that it went out. I knew it, and it went up, and I did the, for whatever reason, the Joe Buck call from the Braves and Yankees series in 96. Jim Laird's hit a home run to win, to tie it. And I think it was played on some highlight, and I was thinking about it. I was like, he's going to hit a two-run home run here,

and I just did Joe Buck's call. He he goes back at the track at the wall we are tied and it was damn close to not being a home run and i would have just looked like a colossal asshole and i and like you know he's like slow down at the warning track and i was like oh my god it's gonna be a fly ball like you just you don't want those fucking moments on camera. But I think we're a pretty lovable bunch, man. Like, I'm sure, you know, I'm sure some people view us and me specifically as like a loud mouth asshole New Yorker. But like, we all care so fucking much. And it's just so few and far between.

And I remember you saying in 2022 that, like, it's not your time. You got to – this is like, you know, you got to lose now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, like, by that logic, it's probably still not our time. But, like, I actually – this will change my feeling on the team forever because it used to be, like, we would get in and then seven years of nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was always, like, if you don't capitalize now. But it was, like, we would get in and then seven years of nothing yeah so it was always like if you

don't capitalize now but it was like we got right back you know we were there in 22 and like a couple years but we got right back and as long as i feel like we can keep getting back i will stop being so 100 you know so uh man man it would have been nice to go going back home it's right there bro their lineup is sick i don't want to get too much into X's and O's and shit, but Schwarber, Turner, Harper, Castellanos, and then a bunch of like Philly fucking grimy guys.

Yeah. It's like, holy shit. It never stops. When Castellanos, the first game I was watching, when he came up after Harper, I was like, Jesus, I forgot they had him.

Yeah. I honestly, thinking back, I think I would have walked him. We were talking about this morning. We should have walked him. And it would have put a man on third base, and you run the risk of a wild pitch or something being the winning run. But I would take my chances against one of those long beard, long hair dogs.

Yeah, yeah. Who are also just as likely. Oh, it was Stott, who hit a fucking two-run triple the inning before. And obviously, he did great himself. But I would take my chances over him then guess longs and then we had like tyler mcgill pitching who is like the last guy like it's he's literally the meme like i accidentally became important at work yeah yeah that's great it would be like all of you guys are out and like me and steve have to do the podcast

i get a uh i get a text in the ninth inning from Caitlin, and she says, this is great for the kids, these starts. Every game's at 4 or 5 o'clock. And so Keegan, once again, all Keegan cares about is video games. And he called me once during – we were doing – after the Braves, we did an emergency podcast with We Gotta Believe, and Keegan calls me on FaceTime and I was like oh I called my mom

my mom was on and then Keegan I was like I gotta go Keegan's calling me and I'm thinking he's gonna be like the Mets won and I'm like Keegan the Mets did it can you believe it and the guys are chanting and I see Keegan like yeah yeah yeah and I'm like what do you think man and he goes I was able to defeat Gannon after

the Divine Beasts and i didn't have any weapons and i was like i gotta go buddy all he cares about is zelda and so he calls he calls again and it's it's the ninth inning and uh or the eighth inning maybe and i was like buddy i love you i'm gonna help you with this problem but like it's it's gonna be the ninth inning why don't you go watch like get shay and tell her the game's on tell mom to put on so's it's gonna be the ninth inning why don't you go watch like get shay and tell her the game's on tell mom to put on so i get a text in the ninth inning caitlin saying your your your children are enthusiastically watching the mets and i was like oh my god my heart man but it was it was uh uh who got the game winning hit casal yeah so casal was up and i

said oh my god that that makes my heart like so, but we are about to lose this game right now. Because we had the worst pitcher in, and it was the ninth inning. It was just like, we're going to lose. And so they lose, and for better or worse, it's complete. Shea has been fully institutionalized. FaceTimes you right away, crying her eyes out. No. Just like ugly crying.

And I was like, so I FaceTime. And Caitlin takes the phone. She steps out of the house. This is a great story. So first of all, she's like, Shay's crying her eyes out. And I was like, let me talk to her and he goes she goes but first there was uh a sign in the stands that said omg the mets lose and keegan saw it and goes what is that what is that omg the mets lose bitch please

and and caitlin said she was like what did you just say and they both like like pulled back like oh fuck we did it now and right away he goes shea told me that she told me to say that she goes i didn't tell you to say that you told me that you learned it at school and i told you it was a bad word and so caitlin's like you can't talk like that so she's like they're both crying right now and keegan was screaming bitch please at the top of his lungs I wanted this and I be careful what you ask for I got Keegan screaming bitch please and Shay crying but I had to have a legit talk I was like it's like baby like buckle up like this is this is what our life is and I didn't want to talk her too much to the point where she was like well wait why the fuck are we doing this and I was like this is this is what our life is and i didn't want to talk her too much to the point

where she was like well wait why the fuck are we doing this and i was like this is just this is what happens to bets fans they lose a lot but you know you got to get back up and we have we have this little uh we have this little phrase uh it was one time we were doing uh art did you guys ever do like art hub for kids or is that a new thing it's like you watch youtube and they teach you draw along with them oh yeah and yeah so one time keegan was doing that and we were drawing strawberries and his strawberry just sucked it was like i was like i don't know what happened here you didn't follow the rules at all man and he's crumpling it up i can't do it and then we did it again and the next time it was a good strawberry and so i was like this you see

like you stick with it and you can do it so we had this thing wherever whenever it feels like you know you can't do it or you're losing and you stick with it and you do it strawberries we always say strawberries so i was just saying her i was like strawberries baby strawberries and she was like strawberries like what have i done i was like i wanted this so badly i watched and that's the other thing i we haven't done the pod since that game so and this will tie into a bigger Barstool discussion. But the Alonzo home run game, I watched at home. I missed the stream. And I just made the business decision, or I guess the non-business decision,

the family decision. I was like, I'm going to watch it with my kids. I have Thursday nights with them. The game was on Thursday night. They're doing these early games so I can watch it with them. And I was thinking to myself, I want to make, like, I have some core memories when I was younger of the Mets, or not even really the Mets, but just like, you know,

watching sports with my family and wanted to make some of those. So I was like, I'm'm gonna watch the game at home with my kids and my mom came over we made it a whole thing and we like we got at the mets bowl and we made popcorn and i turned all the lights off with the big tv we got on the couch it was cozy they were loving it in the beginning they loved like the idea of it yeah and then the next nine innings or seven innings was i want to play Zelda. Hey, can we do gymnastics? Like just not paying attention and goofing and talking because they're fucking seven and eight. And I'm just sitting there.

I was like, never again. Never, never again. I had to put him to bed at like seven, eight, eight o'clock, whatever it was. It was the seventh inning. As I'm putting them to bed, I'm telling them their bedtime story. I'm looking at my phone. Back-to-back home runs from the brewers. I'm like, motherfucker.

Shay's like, what happened? I'm like, nothing. Don't worry about it. We just closed it. God damn, I was close. It's really like that. She was like, keep going with the story. I was like, the story's almost over.

The story is ending right now. And I was like, I can never, ever do this again. It's just not made for children. It is not made for children. Playoff baseball is here, baby. The Mets are rolling right now. I think one of the hottest tickets in the world. Mets versus Phillies at Citi Field.

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So download the Game Time app today. Use promo code KFC to score easily and get great deals with new GameTime picks. What time is it? GameTime! Woo! But, you know, at Barstool, you got to make the decision sometimes

of whether you're going to... Barstool, the hardest part about Barstool is balancing your family life and your Barstool life. If you have a family and you're an adult. If you're a young kid, it's got to be the best fucking place in the world to work for. You kind of basically come and go as you please. You have some fun. You might get yelled at by Dave every six months or something, and that's really about it.

When you've got kids and a family, I always feel like it's me a little more often than other people because we were talking about it on the podcast. Jackie, we had a very manifest-y type conversation when you were gone. Jackie was like, you got to just manifest. You just say good things will happen, like good things will happen. And then she was like, but I don't think for you. I think you might just have bad luck. So I'm always thinking, like, for me, it's like any time

I need to do something big for work something big at home happens like i'm telling i'm selling you like 25 times in a row people who i've told that to like wouldn't believe me and then they've watched it play out where i'm like see this see this every single time it happens and uh but i'm sure it happens to other people too and that that that's the big drama right now here because smitty missed the stream and dave the dave smitty rivalry is now reignited for the millionth time but um it's going down the road of the paintball gun shot and the uh the sexual harassment shower situation if you're not aware of those,

Smitty in the old office, office manager Brett was fucking around with a paintball gun, and it went off, and it went across the office and hit a wall, hit a window, and it came, it missed Smitty by several feet,

a couple feet, and Smitty acted like he was, like, getting murdered. And then one time Dave went into the bathroom while he was showering, and, like, the glass was frosted. Nobody saw Smitty naked or anything like that, but I think Smitty threatened a sexual harassment case. So Smitty tends to have these moments where, you know, it's something with him and Dave, and then he turns it into something bigger. and then the latest one is he had his 40th birthday party on the on game two

which turned out to be like the biggest i think the phillies fans are calling it the best game in their team's history we just i don't know which one's the best we've we just had a bunch of them i was like welcome to the show this is how apparently every game's gonna go but they're saying it was the best game ever and smittyitty was just at his birthday party and couldn't make it. And I think – and maybe this is why maybe I'm divorced and he's not, but I think I would not have gone to my own birthday party on that one. I think I probably would have skipped it too. But also it doesn't matter what you would have done.

That's what you do, And you just say it. You just do it and you say it. Yeah. Actually, as I say that, I probably would have said something along the lines of like, I am not going, just straight up, I will not be able to enjoy this now. But I understand if you put a lot of work into this and all the family is coming to see me and I will just tough it out but i'm telling you now like it's not going to be fun you know uh and then have the

discussion from there and whether or not i need to stay or go or whatever but it's very tough because it's just like this is our job and nobody wants to hear that no none of the wives want to hear that you know at least or at least some of them where it's like oh what you need to go sit on the fucking couch with your friends yeah and it's like yeah i know that seems silly and i know that you hate that it it's fun for me but i will say as a woman like if i planned a whole birthday party for my husband i wouldn't love it if he right but let's say you planned a party for your husband and like the boss called and was like we're about to close this like merger deal and we need you in the

meeting yeah but then i would be a little more inclined like if you had a business job if you had that kind of job then yeah i'm i i think we don't have that kind of job and you have the it is that version of this job but all like i don't know you have of job and you have the, it is that version of this job, but all like, I don't know. You have to miss it. You miss it. Fine.

Whatever. But like, there's right. One more. Yeah. Yeah. You just got to get ripped. Then you can get ripped and cool.

If you got ripped me, that's fine. I mean, I made a decision. Like I've done that before. I've missed dreams. I've missed stuff. Like,

yeah, I'm doing blank. I mean, I literally, I just missed the Alonzo home run. I'll tell you this much too. I filmed myself not out. Like, yeah, I'm doing blank. I mean, I literally, I just missed the Alonzo home run. I'll tell you this much too. I filmed myself not out of like, uh, uh, like I didn't care how those videos performed. I just wanted to be like, in case shit goes sideways, I could be like, I still made content.

Yeah. That's why I did it. It was not particularly good. I just put up my computer and put up quick time, happened to catch a good moment. My mom also talking about, did you see that clip? No. So my mom has a crush on starling marty and if you've been listening to we gotta believe she's been talking about him for a couple years now starling marty is this jacked black dude like chiseled from stone okay went to the sbs can you pull up the sbs uh went to the sPYs. Can you pull up the ESPYs? Went to the ESPYs in just a jacket, just a suit jacket.

Did not have a shirt on underneath. Just absolutely fucking goddamn internet. Just chiseled from stone. Right? Like, packs out. He's got like an eight pack. And also one time when he got a walk-off hit, the Mets ripped his jersey off. And my mom's been talking about it for like two years now.

And she goes, they tore his jersey off. And look, I mean, he's a don. Holy shit. And so actually, can you pull up the video of it? Because Steve made it for me. It's pretty funny because it was after the Alonzo home run, but we were still scoring and shit. So do we have volume on this? Oil himself up.

Wait, go back, because you need... Settle down, Ma. Marte should just go model somewhere. Take his shirt off. Oil himself up. Settle down, Ma. Settle down. Oh, my goodness.

I've never seen that before. He's always had a shirt on. Oh, my God. Come on, run, Winker. Run, run, Winker. Yes! I've never seen that before he's always had a Sherman oh my god come on run Winker yes I fucking love Jesse Winker broke his fucking helmet I love this guy

you're sitting with your mother clean your mouth I want to see that man oiled up yeah you clean your mouth up so I was like you know I get you know I got a little bit of content there and so if anything really was if Dave was to give me

a hard time I'd be like listen I was still making content but I was definitely that was my version of like FaceTime at work you know what I mean because you know if you miss it you miss it yeah and also if you miss the most epic game you have to be prepared for people to go hey you missed it you missed the good one and then you just go like fuck but now it has turned into

this very big fight uh that i i i don't know where this one's gonna go uh so smitty came into the office and and people were saying the the report from n was, and Tommy was, apparently Tommy was shaking, which John said the best. Don't take much. That's not really going to be. It's like the chihuahua dogs are like always shaking. Sorry, Tommy. But Nate said, I've never seen anyone this angry in this office.

And that includes, you know, the Rico high noon situation. I feel like there's been the Brandon and, and, and Devlin shove. Just in general, a lot of like screaming and fighting has happened here.

And they said it was the, I mean, it was bad enough that they didn't publish the videos. I can't believe that. I thought Viva La Stool would put that out right away because Viva La Stool is the most godless, just soul-sucking account on Twitter who will just put any of your business out there

for the sake of likes and views and clicks. But they did not put those out there. It was apparently that bad. Smitty tends to find himself in these situations and then kind of go off the handle. I don't even remember what he was yelling at us for on Barstool Radio one day. So I got pulled aside by Smitty as well. After this big blow up with Gaz, we were about to start the podcast, and he jumped off of Pick Central,

threw his headphones on the ground, pulled me into Erica's office and went off on me to the point that security Dan was like, I i was gonna have to come in there because i heard so much screaming i didn't know what was going on um he was mad that we on that episode of barstool radio when dave was like you don't do anything here that we didn't like have his back and i was like i don't know man i was like anything that goes on in there is content you know the game dude and i'm sorry you know i'm sorry if shit's tough at home and i definitely understand the struggle of juggling trust me i really do we all you have your version i have my version but we all get it and uh like them is the breaks that's the job but i sympathize and he

was like well like fucking how about you do it in public one time and i was kind of like i don't know no one did it in public for me i don't feel the need that i should have to do it for you maybe that makes me shitty maybe it doesn't i i here i am publicly sympathizing with you i do get it juggling your family and and work is very difficult at this job but i just think like you know like i just think you can handle it better than like like you make a decision and then you know it's gonna have consequences one way or the other and like again we've all made decisions i've made decisions where i sacrificed at work and i dave gave me shit and you go that's gonna happen yeah and then

but you've also made the decision right wasn't there a time you landed in chicago and got right back on a plane yeah yeah that. I didn't even leave the airport. Was the Bruins made or something? It ended up being Brady's last game. It was Pat's Titans. Right. And it was Pat's Titans. I landed in Chicago.

I forget what I was doing. I think it was going. Wait, why did you not know? Did you just make the playoffs or something? No, it was Dave wasn't. We didn't know if Dave was going to be here. We didn't know if they were going to stream. Yeah, so the game was already set, but you didn't know Dave was going to be here. Yeah, we didn't know if it was going to be a stream.

I landed in Chicago. I was going through the sliding doors, and I was like, I texted him, hey, I was like, yo, we're going to stream. I was like, all right, turn around. But those decisions I don't think are the important ones. I think the important ones are the ones where you decide you're not going to work, and then you go, I'm going to get shit for this, but fuck it. I want to do this.

Because, and it really was, this is the nicest truly the nicest i've ever heard dave be about personal life and work life because he's a single guy and he never did anything but work so he does not sympathize like i don't i do not ever bring up my kids or anything to him if i if i say i can't make it i just say i can't make it or i'm gonna be late or i can't do it and i just leave it at that yeah because if you say it's your kids he's like oh now i really don't give a fuck now i'm really mad because he doesn't today he doesn't care at all he doesn't care about anything i remember dude i i've had i've had two situations with dave where i was like trying to explain to him where my head's at. One was before mental health got the in-swing of maybe 2015 to 2020 or 2022, maybe, whatever,

where we're in Milton, and I was like, dude, I'm not doing good. And he's just like, what do you want me to do? I'm like, all right, I'll go back downstairs. You learn right away he's not that guy. What do you want me to do my best friend died on a sunday and i texted david i was like yo my best friend just died like i i'm not i'm i'm not gonna be able to work he just goes i can't make it back till tuesday can you work tomorrow because he was in nant there talking it was in the summer and i was like i was like i was like yeah i got tomorrow

that's crazy honestly we'll probably cut that but i was gonna say if you want to i'll shoot him a little bit of bail on this one because when my i had a when i the first week i was going to say, I'll shoot him a little bit of bail on this one because the first week I was supposed to start Barstool, my cousin died, and he was actually very good. He was like, don't worry. Well, he actually said he was like, K. Marko will handle it. It wasn't like, we'll push back the date. It was just like, okay, take your time. But he was very gracious on that one.

No, well, honestly, we'll probably cut that because it was like, he was very sorry he couldn't make it. He's like, I don't have a laptop. I can't be back. It was like 10 a.m. on Sunday. I had plenty of time to get back. It was so much time. We gotta leave it. It's part of the legend

and the lore. It's a good lesson. The reason why he is who he is and the blog is what it is, it's because of shit like that. And it's not heartwarming and it's not fuzzy wuzzy and it is not going to make you be like, oh, wow, you know, like they're a family or something like that. It's just motherfucking business and pay juice.

Just work, dude. Yeah, just fucking work. So, yeah, I mean, right now the big hoopla is not that he missed the game anymore. It's the reaction. Yeah. Missing the game. Dave legitimately just said,

oh, it was his 40th birthday party. He's in a tough spot. That's coming out of Dave Portnoy's mouth. Not my barstool. spot yeah they that's going on a day port noise mouth not my bar that sounds like someone coming up on their 60th yeah bro like you know what we do have to make a little bit of amends because we did say a couple weeks ago that dave was going soft because of bernstein yeah yeah and then we come to find out like the next day that dave purchased the producer for a day and like the next day that dave purchased the producer for a day i wasn't even saying dave was going so i was just saying like

barstool has gone yeah like we've we've become the enemy we tried to cancel the guy yeah yeah he said something we didn't like we tried to cancel yeah but then we found out right away that dave is like you know behind the scenes master puppet um but yeah man he's just not you know that he's not that dude like it's not it's not his style uh but he's like i think oh my point being that you know he usually still like i i would be very afraid or prepared if i was like i'm missing something for my birthday party anybody's birthday party but if it was just like it's my birthday party yeah yeah like you're you're a grown man now it is much more like you said like his wife planned

it all for him and that's really i don't think smitty's like i need to be around for my birthday it's like my wife planned and and paid for you know people coming in and bought a cake and all that sort of shit you know right but it's like make your decision stick by it don't cause a scene now it's a scene yeah problem yeah like i think i i guess from you know i wasn't here from everything i've heard is it was set off by gaz going mr hell this is a good one that's gaz 101 and like like dude ever i remember salts let me just gas you leave the office at you know 4 49 you walk by gaz's desk he's gonna go oh half day and he's gonna say it loud enough for day two yeah that's just what yeah you gotta laugh and go yeah what's gonna happen and then dave's gonna say some shit and like you're not gonna be

in trouble you're just gonna get your balls busted and then that's it and i mean gaz knows that we say that to his face and he still does those shitty things which is borderline impressive it's like you're just gonna keep being an asshole dude guys would make an announcement like a principal's pa oh fuck off dude come on but both of them it's also another good lesson this applies to pretty much everyone in life i think we i might have said this last episode with jackie too you're talking about sports fans you're talking about politics you're talking about to pretty much everyone in life. I think we, I might've said this last episode with Jackie too. You're talking about sports fans, you're talking about politics, you're talking about your wife or husband,

your boyfriend, your girlfriend, whoever, whatever. Nobody in this world changes their mind or adapts or changes at all. So there's not going to be a moment

where Dave Portnoy of all people goes you know what man like you're right i'm sorry i'll change going forward and no one's probably going to do that in your life maybe if you're lucky you have some very special people in your life who are very understanding and will do that some really like people can really like self reflect and realize they were doing something wrong or not even wrong but just like I need to change for this person otherwise they are going to do what they do and you do what you do and you got to

stick to it and don't expect anything else from anybody I actually think the like reactions all are like reactions of someone who doesn't agree with their decision like yes you make if I make a decision and I made a decision every decision you make you know you're not gonna please everybody right some people are gonna get pissed right this is the right decision for me and so i'm just gonna do

it and i'm gonna say yep i made the decision and yeah you might get your balls busted but you probably should just go eh rather than you know pick fights with people so i've so done that before though we're like like i had a friend who would get really mad at me whenever i was late and like to the point where when i was running late to see her like i would like make up excuses in my head and then i would come in so hot and be like it was like it wasn't even my fault like you always get mad at me for this and i'm like oh i made that so much worse and she was like i wasn't even gonna say anything that is the worst when you shoot yourself in the foot like that so i've just been there where it's like he's probably building it up in his head being like we get so much trouble and then the second somebody kind of says something and that's gas yeah yeah i mean that's

the butterfly effect if gas if smitty goes in the back door instead of the front door or whatever you know you don't see each other none of this happens but goddamn we don't need any more dramatics in this fucking baseball series than we have right now so i don't need this on my plate so i guess somebody's gonna be at the next stream great i'll tell you what when we go through that door content man i'm with my aliens i don't give a fuck about any of your shit dude i got i do have to say we'll move on from baseball and all this shit in one second but chris klemer's to shut his fucking mouth well you know what i'm team klemmer on this no well the only way no the only way i'm not team klemmer is he was a pussy too much about it like i i don't and maybe because i was actually talking to get passed about this a little bit before uh we started recording we're like he was

too like he's good but he's not that good no he fucking sucks yeah well that that like that you don't be like that no no I'm against all of it I don't want to live in a world where like I can't say the opponent's star sucks because you've always been on winning teams huh you've always been on winning teams where your team is better I've been on losing teams I lost I've lost more than both of you combined

yes but you've also won ten times more than us yeah what are you talking about like I've lost more championships than you guys have. Oh, championships. Yeah. Yeah. I've lost more. The opponent's star, he fucking sucks.

Fuck that guy. If he was his little pussy. Would you have said that in 2004? Did you say that kind of shit? No fucking way. In 2004? Yeah, fuck. You were not poking the bear back then.

Fuck that dude. That dude's a bum. That dude's a bum. He wasn't bum. He wasn't bum. That's just a bum. That dude's a bum. He was a bum. He was a bum. That's just a fact. That's just a fact. No.

I think the... You shouldn't have to be like, don't say the opponent's bad. No, no, no. Fuck them. They stink. Here's what I really think about that. If Dave Portnoy was not involved,

I agree with you. What do you mean? I think this is more of you're breaking the Portnoy rules than baseball rules because Dave hates Clemmer and Dave is looking

for any little thing that he can just hammer Clemmer on and being the guy who says I'm not afraid of Bryce Harper gone within

a matter of seconds is like you are now going to get roasted for the next 48 hours and if they lose the series

Dave will put this on your head for the rest of your life. So you are not playing by the Dave rules, which is like. We're playing Peyton Manning in the playoffs. Good. He fucking stinks. That guy's a bump.

We're playing Steve McNair in the playoffs. Good. Oh, Jesus. He played Steve McNair in the playoffs. You've also never been on the other side of Dave during the playoffs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when he got involved being like, I'm putting the Phillies on my back, I was like,

fuck, now we gotta really... I actually said to Clem, I was like, I'm thinking about sending a group text to the guys being like, just watch what you say. Watch what you do.

We're very likable right now. We got a lot of momentum. People are rooting for us. Don't change that. And alien Clemmer just starts... He also does this thing... His little dancing

where he's like, well, he's not quite as good as Shohei. No, I'll tell you what Bryce Harper is. He's a bum who stinks. Fuck him. He does this thing. Whenever the other team strikes out, he goes, Get him.

Every time. And it was Roan or Max. He's sitting like right in their ear. Get him. I was like, oh, that was me. I would be punching you in the face. So, yeah. I that that that's uh we'll see how long it goes it could be three more days could be three more weeks and i think i'm going to die from it all but um but yeah anyway have you been talking? I haven't seen you in a while. I haven't heard from you.

How you doing? You're like, oh, shit, you're here. I'm just being so caught up in my own shit and the mess and everything. I'm like, how you doing? I'm good. How's it going on? You went to Chicago? Yeah.

Film a skit? Yeah. We actually did three sketches. Nice. It was a very good day of work. Have you committed to calling those sketches over skits? Yeah. Is that the preferred nomenclature? In the SNL movie commercial, or movie trailer that's coming out,

someone says skits, and then the writer in the back goes, they're sketches. All right. I honestly don't know the differences. Pat has called them sketches, so I call them sketches. I feel like skits has a connotation. Skits are filmed on a phone. Yeah.

I make skits. You guys make movies. I make sketches. You over there with your phone, you make skits. But sketch doesn't exactly feel like, you know, but it's definitely

a cut above skit. I'm good. Yeah. Yeah. Any weird Feidelberg shit going on? I got a bunch of stuff, actually, in the notebook.

Oh. Open it up. Pat actually already wrote it down okay but okay what do we so we'll start with first i gave you an idea this morning jackie reverse haircuts reverse haircuts yeah like extensions no so i was i was shampooing this morning and i was like damn my hair's gotten long and you don't really realize it because it's just kind of daily happening. Yeah. Girls who want short hair, what if you just like every night you just do a snip of little hair? Wait, what? So it's just kind of slowly disappearing like hair comes in.

So you just keep your hair straight? No, no, no. You take more off. So you take hair off and then it's like everyone's like, whoa, I didn't realize Jackie had a faux hawk. You're like, I've been slowly cutting you for two years you mean like cutting somebody like somebody else's hair like you would have a hairstylist come cut your hair every night at night while you're sleeping okay oh you can be conscious if you want you know no one else knows okay so you're just talking about daily haircuts you like microdosing a haircut yeah microdosing a haircut because then it's not the shock to

the system like if you go cut your hair into like a pixie cut right now everyone's like whoa shit big change if it's slowly losing weight or gaining weight where it's just like it's just yeah like oh shit and i think jackie's always had that hair yeah the girls want the i want the attention sometimes they'll get a haircut just because they want attention yeah they always get mad they're like you didn't even notice my haircut yeah wait so you are you you're characterizing the whole like oh my god you cut your hair is a bad thing yes well I do like this because whenever a guy gets a haircut I'm like why would you do that I've never seen a guy have a haircut yeah every time like it takes like it takes like I have to like keep in mind like just

wait a week and it'll be fine but every time I I'm like, you don't look good. I think fresh cuts is like... No, you got to let it marinate a week. Yeah, okay, fine. I agree with that. That goes for all of you. I think your hair looks best after a week. But in general, having your hair cut looks better than... I feel like when I get my hair cut, I feel like I transform into a different person.

Really? Yeah. I think particularly, my hair does not look good long. It's a hard – I have a lot of cow licks and shit go. I can't have – if I don't do my hair when it's longer, it looks terrible. It gets floppy and not curly and it just looks like shit. So then I have to do it. But when I do it and I have a lot, it looks hard.

When it's a little bit shorter, it can be a little more natural. I think natural looks better. I did a hard slick back for a wedding last weekend. Really? It might be coming out. Really? It might be coming out.

Do you have any pictures? Yeah. Like wet? Did it look wet? I don't really tell wetness in the pictures. And I know you had your suit on right no i had tux on this is a different wedding you probably look like a really tell actually trying to think of like a slick back hair and it talks you probably is it what you did for the bear

um kind of you can't really tell the uh you can't really tell but i I can kind of understand where you're going. It was like hairspray and pulling it back. Yeah, like flat type shit. Yeah, that's... It does have a wet Kim Kardashian look on it. Which is also a fun fact whenever... Black shoes are interesting, by the way. It looks kind of like you're wearing socks. They're loafers.

They're Del Toro... Are they suede? Don't know. don't know don't know um the uh well i was just saying like when whenever uh celebrity like kendall jr just dyed her hair blonde people are saying that's what they do when they get a bunch of face surgery because then you're like oh she has blonde hair yeah that's why she looks different. And then, anyways. Yeah, that's smart. I didn't know that. That's smart.

I think the only, this look back only works when I'm dressed up. You can't do a slick back in a t-shirt. You kind of look like a, like a henchman who's fighting Steve,

who's fighting Jean-Claude Van Damme. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks like you should have like a pinky ring. Like a greaser. It is funny how much you can get away with more when you're dressed

up where it's like i'm doing a thing yeah but if it was just like every day like what are you doing i didn't look bad um i approve you approve all right the bar is it didn't look bad to cap it i like your microdosing idea oh okay nice thanks but it flies the face of every reason to get a haircut so we'll take that one back to drawing board. I think usually, at least for guys, aside from Jackie, I think people are usually like, oh, you got a haircut? You look great. No, no, it's a girl thing. Girls don't like guys getting haircuts?

Yeah. Really? Yep. Not in my experience, but I guess the rest of the internet says so. I've always known. I actually, i've heard two weeks it takes two weeks i've known that but like i also think you would rather have someone who has like long hair on the sides and their neck is growing in and all that then a fresh cut well

i'm a fan of like shaggy hair so there's that but also yeah like a fresh cut it it takes like i just i'm not a big fan about the fresh cut it's too like, I just, I'm not a big fan. What don't you like about the fresh cut? It's too like, you just got a haircut. You also might just be getting a bad haircut. You know what I mean? No. Okay. Um, no. Sorry.

Frog is wrong. No, no, you're wrong. Okay. I guess I'll just go fuck myself. Um, All right. Another thing I got. This is I've been talking to everyone who will listen to me about this. I feel bad.

Paz must have heard this. Is this Will at Harvard? Ten times. It's so funny. Just traveling with fights. I'm obviously cool with it because I now know the story and I can chime in. But he'll tell the story first to me. And then we'll meet like 15 other people.

He tested out. He's working material. And I'm like, he people. He tested out. He's working material. He's getting better with it. He's almost there. Paz has just heard everything I have to say. Usually I'm like bothering my mom with this. You were talking about Will and Harper again? I'm like, I'm working material, mom.

What is Will and Harper though? So Will and Harper is the new documentary on netflix that is about will farrell and oh the transition yeah yeah and his friend uh harper steel who was formerly andrew steel uh head writer of snl all this stuff and uh andrew's transition to harper and they go on a cross-country journey to find out. Andrew liked to travel cross-country. He loved Americana. He loved going to bullfights and dive bars and all kinds of shit.

And Harper is wondering if she can still do this as a woman who's transitioned. And so they have the idea, like, let's go cross-country. We'll bring cameras, and we'll figure out our our friendship figure out what this new face of our friendship is yeah because will ferrell i saw was like i i need to like learn how to interact with you now differently yeah right and honestly 99 of it is like very tip your cap to america like everywhere they go i'm sure the fucking 4k cameras and will ferrell helps um but like everywhere they go i'm sure the fucking 4k cameras and will ferrell helps um but like everywhere they go they're pretty welcomed you know be at the rodeo be at dive bars and wherever like it seemed to me like it was pretty heartwarming and then they get to texas

and will ferrell does what i'll go ahead and say is the craziest move i've ever seen and i don't know if people disagree with me because I haven't really seen anyone say it or if people haven't watched the movie. They go to this Texas barbecue where it's like 72-ounce steak. Eat a 72-ounce steak. If you eat it in an hour, you get it for free. And they're like, let's go there tonight. Let's do that. Great.

And then at the restaurant, they have the stage where if someone's taking the challenge they sit on that stage so everyone can watch them eat and all this stuff will farrell comes out dressed like sherlock holmes which if i'm traveling the country with my biologically male friend who is now a woman dressed like a woman the last thing in the world i'm gonna do is dress in costume because that tells the rest of the room, hey, we're just in costumes up here. And so he's out on stage, full Sherlock Holmes, full pipe, speaking in a British accent, and his friend Harper's just sitting there in a fucking dress and stuff. And so that was the one night where apparently things didn't go great. They don't really show it, but

it kind of smash cuts to the next morning. I could also imagine, even forget about the transitioning stuff, just people being like, hey, asshole, what are you doing? Yeah, like Will Ferrell, I've always had something of a complicated relationship with. I love his movies. I feel like he's probably a little much in person. Like, one of the guys is always on. And you're like, dude, just relax. We're just sitting here watching the game.

And they do that. So it smash cuts to the next morning. And Will Ferrell is sitting shotgun while Harper drives. And he's crying. And he's like, I'm so sorry. That was so fucked up. I wasn't thinking about your safety and all this shit. And then like 10 minutes later, they get to Vegas.

Will pulls out another costume. No. He's got a full Fu Manchu this time. And his hat. And I'm like, dude, you can't go out with your trans friend and dress like it's fucking Halloween. It gives a bad message to everyone else in the room. Like, it's a crazy thing to do. Yeah.

I mean, it's just like these two guys are both dressing up. This is just costumes. Like, it was full on costumes. Yeah, that is crazy. I mean, the line is always, my culture is not your costume. And you're turning it into a costume party. And he's like full in. He's in Vegas.

He's like, I'm David Abernathy. And you're like, dude, your friend is there. And look, obviously they have their own friendship and they have their own relationship. And maybe Harper is fine with it. The gist I got was she was not. But, dude, when they get to Vegasgas he's like let's dress up tonight let's dress up and i'm thinking there's no fucking way he does it again he must be talking about talks he must be talking about something yeah comes out like bieber hair fu manchus flashy

hello i'm david abadon it's like bro this is crazy. Did she say anything? Like, yo, hey, asshole. So when he's crying in the car, she didn't seem to really care too much. It wasn't like, hey, you're okay, buddy. She was kind of focused on driving. And then at dinner in Vegas, she's like, I think Will Ferrell was saying he was doing it so people wouldn't realize it's Will Ferrell. But Will Ferrell, you haven't seen him in 20 years. He looks less like Will Ferrell

when he's just there in a baseball hat and t-shirt than he does in costume. Also, I mean, it's like... I'm not trying to draw attention to myself. So let me dress up as David Abernathy. They're not great costumes. It's Will Ferrell in a wig and Will Ferrell in a wig. It's Will Ferrell in a wig and Will Ferrell in a wig. Yeah.

It's pretty clear. But they don't show whether or not he takes it off. But at dinner in Vegas, she's like, why don't you get rid of it? So I think Harper... Yeah, because, I mean, if it's as told, they've been friends for, like, forever, right? Yeah. So to the point that I think I could be like, yo, John, costume going to dinner man relax yeah she was the head writer at snl when he first got there right and he actually has a cool thing in the beginning of it where he's like this is will farrell where he's like he's like if you're ever wondering why will farrell did something

it was andrew steel's idea or it was because of andrew steel where it was like remember when he did those commercials during the super bowl that would like only air in like topeka kansas and it was like an old milwaukee and he like yeah just be him cracking a beer that was all andrew steel's idea the i didn't even i didn't even know will ferrell did this but he's like you're wondering why will ferrell ever did a movie exclusively in spanish andrew steel remember the um or because the usc fight on what's up i said or because the us of USC Fight on USC get out of here Or what? Fight on

Trojan Will Ferrell's Trojan Right but why Why the Spanish movie? No she's just saying Everything he's done Is because he's from USC Oh

Yeah just saying Oh okay Oh you're just making A bad point Don't let the people forget Oh alright Yeah no Cool

I just don't want the people to forget. Oh, all right. Yeah, no, I'm cool. I just wanted to shout out USC. Let me have it. But yeah, that was... It's hard because, I mean this in the nicest way, but Harper has a little bit of a Miss Doubtfire thing going on where it's dressing up. It does look a little dressy. If I was Harper's friend and she came out how she was dressed, I'd be like, why are you dressed like that? Not in the sense like a woman.

I'd be like, dude, that's a terrible outfit. You know what you need is a micro-nose haircut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I interest you in a nightly sneak haircut? I actually wish I had a trans friend so I could roast their outfits. I'm like, bitch, that outfit sucks. Those are ugly heels. Your makeup sucks.

Nobody wants to fuck you. You're an ugly girl. i wouldn't fuck you i wouldn't that would be fun to be like i would never fuck you you're a trans friend you're a slump buster babe the uh but yeah it was the documentary was fine you know i'm not much of a documentary person but uh it was it was it's all I've thought about like why would you go out dressed like Sherlock Holmes what was the thing um it was him the what was the little baby's name Will Ferrell and the rent the landlord right what was the name of that like skit I forget the land do you guys do you guys know that you probably don't even know it uh it was the funniest thing that, like, skit? I forget. Do you guys know that? You probably don't even know it.

It was the funniest thing in the world. At the time, it was... I have no idea how it's aged. It was Will Ferrell, landlord. His little baby was his landlord. And he would be like, waka, waka, marmarmarmar, like gibberish. And he'd be like...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen this. Bro, that was, at the time funny or die i mean that was the funniest thing ever put out at the first time i watched it i would i would have said that's the funniest thing i've ever seen in my life yeah it's crazy how things age i mean that was funny but yeah it's cute but it's like at the time because you gotta think there was just like no internet content it was like you watch tv shows and movies and then it kind of reminds me of like you know what it was it was like movies and tv and then like america's funniest

videos like yeah get hit in the dick or like the dog does something funny and this was like this scripted weird you know it was like that and you bit my finger yeah yeah like viral videos that were just like dumb heartwarming shit and guys getting hit in the nuts and this was like oh my god it's like it's a baby it reminds me of the

like why is your baby looking at me like that thing which is like it's funny nowadays what's that I don't even know it's like the Nicoletti

Real Bros of Simi Valley I don't even know you know about Real Bros from Simi Valley I know I've never seen it but yeah

it's Jimmy Tatro right yeah oh okay yeah yeah yeah alright right now I am burning the candle at both ends I know. I've never seen it. It's Jimmy Tatro, right? Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right now, I am burning the candle at both ends. Burning the midnight oil. I'm watching the game. I'm on streams. I've got to be up in the morning

for the kids. I've got to be doing the podcast during the day. So when you have busy mornings and late nights and you're working through lunch, I never eat lunch, dude. I get home at like 4 o'clock and I'm starving to death. Life, when this happens, you don't always have room for a balanced meal. And that's where Huel comes in. This podcast is presented by Huel, spelled H-U-E-L, the world's number one complete nutrition brand. I'm going to have to get this. Just grab it, sip it, and go. No more skipped meals or unfulfilling snacks.

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That's my.huell.com slash KFC15, promo code KFC15 for your best performance today. Well, that Jack Dougherty kid went viral. That kid's the biggest loser in the world. He sucks. You know this kid? I've seen him before. Yeah, I know of him.

Did you see him? I did see this. Yeah. I mean, this kid definitely sucks. He looks like a prick. He acts like a prick. He picks fights with people and then hides behind his that security guards that's what's really like like everything else is just kind

of like you're annoying that was like oh you're an asshole yeah yeah to people and this was he was texting and driving in the rain his driving his mclaren and he totals it i thought it was gonna be a publicity stunt at first because it cuts he goes oh no and then it cuts and i was like this is gonna be fake and then it comes back and the car is fucking wrecked yeah and the kid is bleeding and there's video of them like trying getting pulled out of the car by these like mexicans and the whole time he's still like he's like michael are you okay like here take this phone film with that one too but the so i i actually have seen this video. Did I say 88 million views?

Yeah. Why? I actually thought the video was pretty unimpressive. Yeah, so did I. Like, I didn't think it was. I mean, it's still, like, behind-the-scenes footage of a streamer almost fucking dying. You see how smashed up the car is. You see the kid bleeding. But those cars are fucking.

You can punch those cars. Those are, like, the street fighter cars. It is actually pretty interesting, though, how pretty interesting how you see where it stops. It's safe enough that it didn't kill them. I think it's because he's the most hated guy on the internet now. Really? Yeah, he's up there.

He's up there. He's not a household name, but if you're on the internet and you know the streamers, he is known as the biggest prick. And then he went, yeah, he's filming his friend in the hospital. I thought it was a little bit in poor taste,

the amount of people relishing that this kid almost died. Because I actually did see a video of him. But also, to be fair, you're filming and you're texting. Well, no. It doesn't even look like he almost died. He had a car accident. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But a lot of people were like, we were so close.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sort of shit. Which is kind of funny. But also, it's like, what is he? 19, 20? He's definitely under close. Yeah. That sort of shit. Which is kind of funny. But also it's like, what is he? 19, 20? He's definitely under 20. Yeah. And I did see a video of him talking to his girlfriend that seemed very, very real.

Where he was like, I have to do everything all the time. I have hundreds of thousands of dollars of bills every month for all of you people. You're all on the ride in're you know you're all on the ride in my wave and i'm the only one who does anything and he was like really either a great actor or really going through it and i was like this kid has problems like this is a cry for help if it was an adult i'd be like you know whatever i don't know man but i was like this i don't know where your parents are i don't know who your true friends are seems like you have a bunch of leeches and you're really like

We have to keep filming during the car accident Because I gotta be able to pay for the fucking So part of me was like I think this kid is probably Has severe severe emotional issues Right now because he was ultra famous And rich right away But also

This I don't It didn't grab me one way the other like i i think there are many people at barstool good people and bad people who like would film their car accident i probably i'd probably whip at the camera like i didn't see anywhere i'm like i don't know anyone who would do this if you were bleeding if i had just if i had crashed and you were like bleeding i don't think i think i would be like making sure you're okay and being like apologetic but there are cuts that he probably yeah he probably was like oh you good and i think he tried to delete everything like off he posted it right away and then everyone was like your insurance is gonna see this and

you're fucked and he's like tried to delete it and then kick said you're banned for life and i was like oh wow and then i saw like he's been banned like 50 times yeah it's like banned for saying this banned for saying that bad banned for whatever so he'll be back and he there's one picture of him i think it's his wikipedia can you just go like his wikipedia he is the king of that haircut that awful like gen alpha fluffy hair that one yeah oh my god the worst do you like that no well you say that but there's a whole generation of girls who love that yeah but like that's oh you're too old for that that's what i was gonna say is uh i think that that generation i mean it is technically my generation but like gen z they're just good at filming stuff like they're

good at doing day in the life. They're good at that. It's just like a skill that they have that like older generations being like, they just don't feel like it's insensitive to film that. It's like, that's just like, you guys just don't have that skill. So it's more like out of the way for you to set a camera up.

Then like, it's for like somebody Gen Z. It's like, that's just natural. Yeah. I also think that, that we view it inherently as like wrong. And I don't necessarily think it's like that's just natural yeah yeah I also think that that we view it inherently as like wrong and I don't necessarily think it's right or wrong I think it might be at certain times in a

little bit of poor taste but I think these people are like people are interested in my life and what goes on right so I'm filming it it's their job they're just good at their job yeah I mean I'm sure can you google like how much money he makes they you like jack doherty per month i bet it's fucking his hair is so bad i mean it is the worst i i could see him be one of these guys that's you know making yeah he's making 200 grand a fucking month look at that net worth from 2 to 13 million yeah what are we talking about but these guys make so much streaming and he is like the king asshole i think even all the other streamers are like you're a fucking prick dude right yeah but he is like how old is he is he's 20 20 it's like

you we are talking about a fucking kid man you know it's like maybe this is we maybe maybe uh mark and anna there need to you know step in and make sure their kid doesn't fucking i think he was a dr phil kid where the dad brought oh he's one of those wrong with my fucking kid so he's a he's a male uh catch me outside yeah those two should marry and create the most vapid uh whatever asshole child the world has ever seen oh but he looks he looks older he looks like he was already a streamer look at his his his cheeks look i don't know if he lost weight or got surgery or something he looks like a different kid though that's a crazy he looks like a caveman there but yeah he that was mega viral man that was like a overnight

tens of millions almost you know 88 million views no fucking joke the um i got in a car accident the other day yeah no i didn't i mean i did i did hit a car but i i was just parking and i bumped a car and the stress I felt having to leave a note. I wrote the note four separate times. Really? It was damaged? It was damaged? Honestly, no.

Like, honestly, there wasn't. And I left a note where I was like, but I kept being like, hi! Exclamation point. I was like, no, I didn't. Sort of like that. Screwed it.

Like, hey, hit your car blah blah um but i was i did not film it and it was not a good story to tell wait did they contact you yeah did i ever tell you guys about communicate the app that i made no communion would you communicate communicate okay so back in my coding days it's a great name i made an app and it was like for girls who code like at the end of the summer you had to like make an app and so mine was carmunicate which i fucking stand by today i can't believe i forgot to tell you guys i made an app and it's actually like i was talking about the fucking popcorn funnel but like this is actually a genius it's like you take the license plate and it's as if it's somebody's number and then the

app is communicate and then you like if you need to send somebody a message like you hit their car you put in their license plate and you go hey by the way so sorry hit your car contact me here whatever or somebody on the road like their taillights out hey seven six xyz whatever your taillights out you think somebody's qr code it's like oh oh that's also a good idea too no yeah i mean it's the same idea that you don't have qr cards on so you'd be at the red light and be like i saw you on you know i saw you on rodeo drive you're hot like all things texting you'd be used for like oh no kidnappers and yeah you'd be raped which was something i thought about putting in my note first line like i'm not a rapist this isn't just to delay you so i can kidnap you yeah like like right away it would be like i was

jerking off yeah i want to fuck it would become overly sexual immediately yeah but there's just like never not the risk of being raped right that's true that's true carmunicate is a killer name right but like like and maybe it's it's my lizard brain or whatever where i'm just like drive by a hot chick you probably said it with that yeah yeah i said that in my uh like in like to my coding class and they kind of were like okay slut you could use this to get dick down misconnections I saw you on the highway trying to get that dick they did not fuck with me

well fuck them in the same vein as inventions I saw a commercial the other day that was the bleakest commercial I've ever seen in my life Zillow and it was like it was three girls bought a house together you saw it too? and it was like it was three girls bought a house together you see you saw it too yeah and

it like so that means that zillow's marketing team whatever has come together and realized like hey like people can't afford homes so there's no reason to sell homes because they can't afford them so we got to start selling them in a different way. We'll just sell them to groups of people. Yeah. Like, that is dark, dude. No. Here's what happened is they thought if, like, three girls, what's going to happen is one's going to send it and be like, oh, my God, we should do this.

We should all buy a house together. And then they send it. And then. Yeah. That's the ultimate thing that, like, you think sounds like a good idea. I mean, I can't imagine a worse idea no buying a home at least like maybe you know you want to get a vacation house with your friends whatever something like that but like buying a permanent residence well yeah because it's like we live together like we rent right but we should just have like why don't we we'll pay a mortgage where we have something to show for it at the end of it

it's like no no no this is gonna end up horrible i mean every every especially girl girl apartments always end horribly one moves out to go with their boyfriend and the other two are so mad that she got a boyfriend and then the next one brings a boyfriend in and you're mad that that he's taking up too much time and not paying enough rent and blah, blah, blah. And you eventually all hate each other and go your separate ways. Except now you can't go your separate ways. Now you're locked in a fucking house. Nightmare. That's not true.

Girls should not be loving together. All my girlfriends, I've had fine move outs. Oh, man. I've watched them all crash and burn. I haven't specifically had a good one but no that's just because it was a bunch of other shit yeah yeah totally totally totally but but but living with them is the most fun i've ever had in my life yeah i remember at one point i was living with uh four dudes it was four dudes, two girls, and a cat.

It was a fucking scene, man. Four dudes, two girls, and a cat? It was like a sitcom. Yeah, it really was. And we were above a pizza place. I remember being like,

there was that show. Was it in the city? Two guys, two girls, and a pizza place. Right around. Yeah. In the city, 28th and 3rd.

It was me and my three buddies. The one buddy, his girlfriend was moving to New York City and got an apartment but had like a month in between. So she came to stay with us. My other friend was hooking up with a married woman who finally separated from her husband. And she didn't move in but just came and never left.

And she brought the cat. And we were all like, it was like, I gotta get the fuck. And then the one guy was the dude who, I got duped so bad by one of my friends. Labor Day weekend of like 20 whatever, we were all moving into the city and looking for a place and we had three guys and this fourth dude they went to loyola with showed up and was the life of the party we all stayed at his house for the weekend this one friend's house and he and his friend he was from loyola and this guy came and he was awesome i was like this guy

is the man he's fun we're partying whatever i'm like yeah let's get it let's get a place with him within like five minutes he's like i go to bed early i don't stay up late i he used to put on a full cyclist outfit and go ride his bike for like hundreds of miles and he used to grill his chicken on a george foreman on top of the back of the toilet oh yeah i used to grill chicken on the toilet. And I remember saying, I don't really love your toilet chicken, but I was like, I am eating out and ordering so much.

How about I, I will pay for all your food. All you gotta do is cook it for me. And he said no to that. And I remember being like, that's kind of an asshole thing to do. I respect him being like, I do my own thing.

But I was like, he also was very cheap. He used to split up. He would buy a tube of toothpaste and split it four ways. We would get the Excel spreadsheet at the end of the month. And it would be like 89 cents for toilet paper, 82 cents for toothpaste. And somehow, someway, he ended up. I remember being like, I was paying like $1,200.

And he was paying like $800. And I was like, what is going on here? So he was cheap. And remember being like, I was paying like $1,200, and he was paying like $800. And I was like, what is going on here? So he was cheap. And I was like, I will buy all the food. You just have to cook it. And he said no. And I was like, fuck this guy. So I hated him.

And I loved all the other guys. But I was like, your girlfriend's here. Your girlfriend's here. The cat is fucking meowing. It was one bathroom. I was like, this is a fucking nightmare. But I had more fun than I ever had with anybody else in that apartment in that apartment so you know take the good with the bad uh voicemails yeah did you have other stuff on the notebook no nothing well i want to hear sabrina carpenter i'm curious about sabrina

carpenter i've become a fan of sabrina carpenter i I like her. When the album first came out, it didn't really do it for me. It's grown on me quite a bit. You've been singing it a lot today. There's a line in Taste that infuriates me. When she's like, so Taste, the song is about someone left their girlfriend to hook up with Sabrina Carpenter. They got back with their girlfriend. So she's like, the chorus is like, you'll just have to taste me when he's kissing you. Yeah.

Damn. She's playing for keeps, that bitch. I'm walking around. But it's like, she has something about sweatshirts. And then she's like, I bet all his jokes got better. Guess where he got them from? Never in the history of the world has that happened. Because she's a girl?

Yeah. No guy has ever gotten funnier after dating a girl. I'm not even saying women aren't funny. I'm just saying a guy's not stealing your bits. No. And and being like yeah this girl used to fuck you this great bit i'm gonna start using like get the fuck out of here never never in the history of the world like there's zero chance that it's a female comedian female comedian but even then like i just i wouldn't take your bits because they don't really work with me yeah you can't i can't be doing a girl bit guy girl girl but i don't think it works that way girls like what are your bits about i'm i want to be clear i'm not saying women are funny i'm saying

i guys don't steal your bits what are your bits jackie what's like a bit you're working these days uh i can't like on the spot i can't think of anything. I feel like if I was dating Jackie, I wouldn't like go back to the guy group and be like, we're living in a simulation, man. My girlfriend told me about it, dude. No, no, no. Like when my friends and I were like all together, like we got approval from guys being like, that was funny, man. I'm sure you're so funny.

You're so funny. No, I'm not saying like we're like funny, but I'm saying like.'m sure you're so funny so funny honestly we're like funny but I'm saying like you're very funny no no but like it would like girls I think have their own bits that guys don't see yeah okay I agree with that

yeah probably but I think that when we do see them I don't think we're like gotta go back to the fellas I'm gonna go run that on some chick I'm fucking. See ya. Like, that's... Is it possible? Sure. I don't think anyone's

stealing Sabrina Carpenter's bits. I would be stunned. I'm little and horny. What's your bit? I'm 4'11 and I like dick. You might as well start stealing Sabrina Carpenter's bit. Just come in here every day and i like dick you might just always start stealing sabrina carpenter's bit just come in here every day be like you guys want to fuck me what about lingo would you steal lingo no because i i don't think it really not not that i can't appreciate you using it but i don't think it really fits me using it i think a lot of i i could get lingo from you within the relationship i don't

think i'm bringing your and my lingo to the friends i feel like lingo's like the equivalent of a sweatshirt like i'll get excited to like adopt a guy's lingo and like all of his friends i think i yes i think i've seen it with almost all of my crew and their women all start talking like us and acting like us and that's fine it all becomes like a big just one big like family all saying the same things but i don't think anybody adopted any of their stuff i any of the guys adopted any of theirs yeah the it just it just it doesn't really like work like your bits work because they're you. Because you're dumb girls.

Most of the bits, most of the women I'm around are small people. It's funny when you talk about lingo. Your bits don't work because I'm big. You're small. It doesn't make sense. If I start talking in a cute little phrase, why the fuck is that adult talking like that? I've heard, I've been

hearing where, I guess it's like Love is Blind recently I've been watching. There's like a male vocal fry thing going on right now and it's tough. I've heard guys doing a vocal fry and it's like very I'm like, oh, it's very off-putting. Like the influencer accent?

I was like, this is the Lulu. If I started saying that earnestly. You do off-putting. It's like the influencer accent. Like, what if I started, like, this is DeLulu. Like, if I started saying that earnestly. You do say that, dude. I never say that. You jokingly had, like, a day where you were like, DeLulu. Oh, yes, sure. But, like, if I was, like, if I. That's technically taking a bit.

Accidentally. You might be right. Yeah. Remember what I said about people changing their mind? He's the only one who'll do it. I get that you're doing it ironically, but technically, you're taking a bit. Because girls are doing like, DeLulu, to be funny also. They don't really think DeLulu is a reasonable word to say.

They say it a little more earnestly than we do, but we're still all just saying it to be stupid. Have you ever said ick? That one, not earn. That one, I've repeated it back to people. I've never been like, that gave me the ick. DeLulu, you might have me on yeah I own apologies Sabrina carpeting right That bothered me for a week. Put one up for the women. That bothered me for a week. It's like nine billion to one. I can't think of a single other thing other than DeLuca, but I can't.

Whatever, stop while you're ahead. By the way, speaking of the Sabrina Cardburn, do we give her enough credit that on espresso, when she says, mountain do it for you, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Is it a mount and do it for you? Oh. Or is it mountain dew? Are we giving her the credit

for the double entendre? Yeah. You think so? For sure. I didn't even know the lyrics say mountain dew, but it doesn't have like mount and do it for you. I'm going to ask Sabrina. Sabrina, did you? Okay. Just tell us. Just hit us on Instagram

at KC Radio. Did you say mount and do it for you? Please. Just tell us. Probably listening. Just hit us on Instagram, at KC Radio. Did you say Mount Anduakia? Please let us know. It's kind of like the, well, okay, wait. Is the Eminem P. Diddy line, people are saying like that they're going back

and being like, oh, but that's a new song, right? That was very intentional. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that, but it's a fairly new song, right? It was off his new album, yeah. People are like, wow, we missed this. Like Eminem knew it all along it didn't say anything but i

was like no i mean it was pretty like it was like before the arrests were made but it was after the cassie stuff i think yeah yeah yeah no i mean he he meant it anyways people are giving him credit for like predicting it predicting it he's always been going at puff for a while i think a lot of people knew behind the scenes what was going on and didn't say anything but like we're like yeah you're fucking you're an asshole and then this came out it was like green light to people are saying kanye's no more parties in la was also like a pd thing too a lot of credit being or like yeah things the puzzle pieces fit after the fact but all right voicemails i just got myself an express makeover and i'm'm telling you, everybody loved it.

The guys knocked it out of the park. White t-shirt, denim jacket with the bracelet and the glasses. I got the glasses back at home with me. And the dark navy jeans. Everybody loved it. And that was just put together by two guys just randomly picking out stuff at Express where they have all of the necessary staples you need for your closet. That has been expressed from day one when I was a kid going to Express.

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Hi. I think I didn't wave. So last week, y'all were talking about Al Capone and the mob, and it reminded me of this story my law professor told us that I fact-checked 100% true. In the 1940s, in an effort to combat the mob, Mayor LaGuardia of New York City outlawed games of chance. I guess the theory behind that was people gamble on games of chance, so he was trying to undercut their funding. So a weird offshoot of this was pinball machines were criminalized because they were categorized as games of chance.

So they had created a task force of no shit SWAT team style raids of houses and bars, pulling pinball machines out, smashing the sledgehammers in the street, throwing them in the Hudson. Crazy stuff. So the pinball lobby, I guess, didn't like this. So they hired the best pinball player in the entire city of New York to go to City Hall. He played pinball in front of the mayor, in front of all city council, called his shots, hit every single one. Mayor Lombardia was forced to say, I guess, pinball machines are games of skill and not chance. And so that loophole created a way to, I guess, make them legal again. So I kind of wish Twitter was around during that

because it's awesome. Also, Jackie, don't sleep with your head on the pillow like that, facing up. Sleep with it on the side. It cures sleep paralysis. No, I've tried. Does it work? No, it's just like i just like

now i'm just paralyzed sideways exactly um um was there like a question in there or just a story um just this fun story about the pinball yeah yeah like that's pretty fucking cool stepping up there and being like fuck you i got this know? I saw, we might have to do this. I saw, like, Guinness Book of World Records tweeted out this video, being like, we have a new world record. And it was ping pong balls caught in, on your head, full of shaving cream. So he put on a shower, a swimming cap, loaded it up with shaving cream to the point that it was like a ball. Yeah, a guardian cap.

It wasn't just like, yeah. Yeah, exactly like that. And then did how many in 30 seconds? He was just taking ping pong balls and throwing them up into his head. Yeah. They were sticking. How many do you think he did in 30 seconds? Eight.

What do you think? I was going to say Eight. I would have. What do you think? I was going to say 50. Yeah. I was going to go higher. It was 16. We could get that done by this afternoon. I was thinking that. I think we can break that world record.

The only reason I said eight is because I knew it was low because you were asking. Yeah. I think we could do that. Yeah. I think that's. I mean, that's also like something that's like. It was just like they were like sticking, but like kind of starting to fall. And he was just like, go, go, go, go.

And it was just like... Could he throw like five at once? I didn't see all of the, you know, details. Yeah. I'm sure there's some things in there. Or maybe he was like bouncing at first or something. But I feel like if he could just go bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. You get that done. I feel like... You get that done. And maybe it's harder than I feel like if you could just go, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. You get that done.

I feel like. And maybe it's harder than I think, but I'm telling you, if I put a little bit of time, I could get more than 16 in 30 seconds. Like Marty, I feel like could do like 100 right now. But like think like one, two, three. One, two, three. How long did it take to peel a banana? Remember you were factoring like 10 seconds into peeling bananas

and they were just like bam, bam, bam. I feel like you just go quick. Probably max you could do 30. Where is it? One second for each. Searching on Instagram. The worst. Here.

Most. Okay. Most... Okay, wait. Most table tennis balls bounced and caught. So you do have to bounce it. That makes it significantly harder. I think this is actually easier. He just got a rhythm going. It went table, wall, head.

Table, wall, head. Table, wall, head. Table, wall, head. Now, maybe if it's like you have one chance to do this, that would maybe be impressive but if this guy has had any practice which I'm sure he did

I feel like you just get a rhythm yeah so it's more like how many balls how many do you think you could bounce in 30 seconds

it's also I'm sure that any amount of balls he would have gotten would have been a world record so I don't think

that he's reaching like the max wait what did i say the record was did i say 12 he's at 16 okay it is 16 i guess 12 for the record so i was the closest um this kind of reminds me i don't know why at all okay i think this was going around like tiktok but so it's like a legal like people are trying to figure out what side they're on um a guy brought like would bring food to work and then somebody kept stealing it so he's trying to figure out who's stealing it so he put laxatives he brought a sandwich one day saw that yes yes

it was a guy because i when i saw it was a girl it was a girl so it makes me think it's like an urban legend thing that people are yeah yeah yeah think, I don't think it's actually real. Okay. But then, cause then it was saying like the people, three people went to the hospital. I don't know why. Anyways, then they realized like it was like a, almost a lethal amount of laxatives. But who's like legally, he's putting laxatives into his own sandwich. But he's doing it knowing somebody's going to take it. But somebody did steal his sandwich.

So who's to blame? The thief. The thief is to blame. But you are intentionally poisoning someone. It's the perfect crime. You've done this? I've done this. I've done exactly this.

Really? Like, not quite exactly. I ordered done this. It's the perfect rhyme. You've done this? I've done this. I've done exactly this. Really? Like, not quite exactly. I ordered a pizza, Providence College Hockey Camp. This is probably, I don't know, early 2000s. I would stay for two weeks.

It was a week-long camp, and I would stay for two. Why? Because there would be another camp that starts up at the end of the week. So camp would end Friday, new campers come sunday or monday you'd be like fresh meat but the i would stick around for the weekend and i lived 15 minutes away i could have gone home i liked being away and um there were like five other guys who were also staying for two weeks and they'd

stayed first night i got a pizza a bunch of people ate it second night I get a pizza I'm like I'm putting a bunch of X-Lax in this pizza one time? not many once? I think you were just going to do that no matter what and so I put a bunch of X-Lax in the pizza except for

my slices and everyone got really sick and I felt bad i was missing out on the fun so i took x-lax myself i was like i was like the boys are having a good time this is great i felt i felt left out so i just took a bunch of x-lax something's so wrong i was like damn man that's the most final work story ever only one person in the world yeah fomo for shitting your brains out you're despicable bro i just remember we were watching choo-choo and chong i don't remember which one but we

were watching choo-choo and chong and everyone was running in the bathroom and i was like take a couple pills you really are deranged like oh my stomach hurts now too that is maybe the worst case of phone law did they know no I don't think so wow this was a long time ago I was young

you were despicable but I think I was just like damn it bet they're having a great time crazy um you were just applicable but i think i was just like damn miss out on anything with the boys yeah bet they're having a great time crazy that'd be funny in the court case like if this was the thing it was whatever cheech and john they have to smuggle i think they smuggle drugs across the border in an ambulance maybe such a fucking idiot next up yeah that also that video you can keep playing a new one but that video reminded me of when we went to italy and the guy at uh laguardia was like shocked he looked at my boarding pass and was like the airport is called leonardo da vinci airport

yeah we're at laguardia da vinci's arguably a We're at LaGuardia. Da Vinci's arguably a bigger place. Way bigger than LaGuardia. Boys, more questions for Kevin in his fights. Real simple. The older I get, the more I realize being a bandwagon fan, probably fucking awesome.

You get to root for success for whatever fucking team is doing well that year, it's gotta be great. You don't gotta fucking sit through the bullshit. You don't gotta fucking be angry. You just get to root for success. That's it. I would've, you know, two weeks ago I would've said

yes to this, but like, what's going on right now is why you stick it out. Because you just don't feel the same. It would be fun to just be like yeah man like the celtics won and i told myself to enjoy that yeah but you don't actually enjoy it yeah yeah the celtics win does nothing for me yeah like like it's it's it's you gotta actually have it in your heart and soul and if you don't care about a sport heavily i'm all

about it you know no no no sense in in making things harder on yourself if you don't care about a sport heavily, I'm all about it. No sense in making things harder on yourself if you don't care about football, basketball, baseball, whichever. But the ones you care about, you got to stay true. Yeah. I'm sorry. I missed it. He was just saying pick a new team. He just said being a bandwagon fan when you're older is great. I mean, I'm kind of a bandwagon fan.

I don't. I guess I'm not. No, you're not. I. I mean, I'm kind of a bandwagon fan. I don't... I guess I'm not. No, you're not. I guess I watch every game. Like, I will watch... I always pick a rooting interest in the championship series and the playoff series,

even if I'm not in it. And I'll root for... I mean, I'll root against the Yankees, and I will root for that team like they are the Mets. Right. So I can pick up teams and adapt to them. But if I don't have like a dog in the fight,

if it's just, if the World Series is going to be like, you know, Tigers, Padres, I'll be like, I like the Tigers. Like they have a good story. Like I'm going to root for them. Yeah. But when they win, I'll just be like, cool. Cool. Good for them.

I'm not going to be like fucking celebrate celebrate you know you can't celebrate uh the only way you get to celebrate is if it's like i watched this team like for yeah the i i kind of like have said lately that i'm kind of a bandwagon fan but like that's by here standards right like by the outside world but yeah by the outside world i'm probably like a die-hard fan like i don't even consider i'd never even consider that until literally right now 100 but the like yeah i still watch every game and i follow the team but i'm not you know i'm having a hissy fit yeah yeah i'm just like all right and you and so you and your girls just are out there just like not caring about any championships or anything huh yeah but like we care about other stuff we have other interests i don't think that but there's nothing that you

get like you can get like as worked up about well i think it's like i get worked up i'll cry on tiktok i'll cry over tiktok like i don't have the emotional bandwidth to be watching sports and be following a sports and be falling like i'm I'm already, I'm all cried out. I can't be doing that. And, like, I cannot figure out how to care. I just don't. You either do or you don't. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm trying to get Keegan to like sports. He likes playing them. By the way, game-winning touchdowns for, like, football. Yeah, he's fast. Yeah. Bro, pretty awesome. First, he ran the ball we played on like a 60 i think like a 65 yard field which i thought was pretty big for these little kids and they made it mad confusing they had an orange cone and a

yellow cone and that symbolized the end zone and then an orange cone and another yellow cone and that yellow cone symbolized a first down and then another orange cone and then the next yellow cone, and that yellow cone symbolized a first down. And then another orange cone, and then the next yellow cone was an end zone again. So this was like there was two end zones and then one yellow cone. And he got to the yellow cone after running like 40 yards, and he thought it was a touchdown, I think. And he turned, and he started running sideways. And then people were like, no, no, no, jackson yeah basically basically and then he started to run back a little more

but somebody got his flag and he got all embarrassed that he did it wrong i was like bro you just broke off a 55 yard run like don't be fucking upset about anything you know and then he uh and then he had the game winning i was like this is the best moment of my life it was like 30 seconds left nobody's even keeping score but i knew what was going on we were down by a score he uh scored the touchdown and we went for two for the win we got it but yeah i i uh you guys are at such an advantage because you pay played these sports at like a young age yeah like and then well if you really don't grow up jackie? You were amazing 12 under. You got me there.

I don't know. My point was that we played it, but he doesn't really care about it. I try to get him to care about watching. He doesn't care. I'm like, why didn't you? It's just on a screen. I don't care. I'm like, okay, worth it. I have my little brother. My little brother didn't care about sports at all.

Then he turned 14 and his nose flipped. It's just crazy. He knows everything. I felt like young. I have my little brother. My little brother didn't care about sports at all, and then he turned 14, and his nose flipped. It's just crazy. He knows everything. I felt like young. I was like seven watching sports. I feel like I was that too, yeah. Keegan, we're on the football field, and I was like, that was so amazing.

And he was like, when we get home, can I play Zelda? And I was like, that's what he likes. We'll play it, but if he doesn't get into it, it's okay. Yeah, I mean, I've said this. In like, I would not even know what the score was. I'd be like, I don't give a fuck. So I was kind of always, like, like that. I was kind of like that in football. I was like, I don't really care.

Yeah, but that's the other thing. You have your sports, you, like, agonize over your sports, and you just kind of watch. Yeah, yeah. But it's also, like, I, if I had grown up with it, like, there's too much lore. Now I'm too late to the game. It's too late. It's too late.

Yeah, it's too hard. You can't just jump on. I have to, like, read history. You could jump on. Like, if you started dating someone and they were diehard, you could, like, jump on. And you would probably,

over the next couple years, it could build, but you'll never be like... Yeah, but even then, it's so daunting because you're like, it's like the 1963 game when there was the, you know,iel i i do that with liverpool daniel daniels

like like particularly when i was at anfield and people were talking about like things that happened in the 80s and i don't know what you're talking about i got nothing anything pre-2014 if mo sala wasn't on the team i got got nothing for you. All right, last question. Just talking sports to remind me of that. So to watch the Pats, I have to watch Stream East. And Stream East, the people in the Stream East comment section have to be the saddest people alive. It's like an illegal way to watch any sport.

I know I'm team buy stuff. I just can't buy the Patriots games. I don't have DirecTV. I don't have YouTube TV. There's no way for me to watch a P sport yeah i know i'm team buy stuff i just can't buy the patriots games i don't have direct tv i don't have youtube tv there's no way for me to watch a pass game except streamies so i watch on streamies and there's a comment section next to it that i can't close and it sucks because like i don't care about your fucking comment but to see it but like you just see people like like and like they're the most pathetic people alive and i don't even mean that by what i i i mean i genuinely mean it in like not a mean sense like you have to be them you have to be so pathetic to be like i'm gonna log on to streamies today and just comment like caps locks like touchdown

like you're so starved for like interaction right i genuinely feel sorry for you and like i'm not you're not pathetic in a weird way. And I mean, you're pathetic in the true sense of the word. The definition of the term. You are a very pathetic person, and I'm sorry for you. I wish you had a friend you could text or a friend you could watch the game with or a family member you could watch the game with. But you don't. So it's just the illegal streaming comment section.

Just kill yourself. I was on streamers before they cleaned it up, and you can't write bad words in it anymore. Oh, my God. These are the worst people in the world. The bad people. You can't even really read it. It's going so fast. I like this. I think I want to tune in.

Honestly, I'm obviously not paying attention to it, but I can see how fast it's moving. I'm like, even if I wanted to read it, I don't think I Stream East. Obviously not paying attention to it, but like it's also I can see how fast it's moving. I'm like, you know, I want to read. Right. It's just like you sad, sad, sad human being. But that also reminded me that watching streamies yesterday. I've always said I'm not a commentators guy. I don't really care who's calling the game. I think it's because With success Patriot success

Meant like You just got the good commentators Yeah So like It was more like Like who calls the Patriots Well Jim Nance calls the Patriots games Right

Yeah yeah yeah That's why I don't really know this Because it's Jim Nance and Al Michaels Call the Patriots games And yesterday I'm watching it And it's fucking Mark Sanchez and Christina Pink Who like

Christina That sounds like a tabloid couple from like the early 2000s like guess who got spotted outside Lavo but it was Mark Sanchez and Christina Pink and you know Christina did a fine job she was a sideline reporter just a funny name but I was like oh this kind of sucks

yeah man it matters dude right now the baseball games is Adam Wainwright and two Jamokes. I don't even know. And I'm like, this fucking sucks a dick. I mean, the Mets broadcast during the regular season. The cameras, the broadcast is amazing. But the camera angles and the production value and everything.

This is like Fox is missing pitches coming back from commercials and shit. It's like they peel down the first. They don't fucking show it. It's like you're missing the fucking game. I personally love the Shohei Otani's up in four or five batters. We do that for like real life.

Yeah, but when it's Bryce Harper, I'm like, yeah. I like when they do that. It's not the same at all, but like, sometimes I'll have

get up on in the morning or something like that. And when it's like, back from commercial break in 3.29, 28. I like that. I'm like, oh, I gotta know when Steven Hayes, when Green it's like back from commercial break in 329 20 i like that i'm like oh i gotta know when steven hayes when greenie's coming back to give me a steak so just i like no we know

commercials i like knowing like the pti thing like knowing what's coming yeah no that's different than like like it's a commercial break i imagine they'll be back in three to four minutes yeah i've been doing this my whole life it's probably a bunch of people who don't know yeah my kids would be like well i don't know. Is it ever going to come out? Is this channel just commercials now? Yo, what's up, KFC? Just watched the most recent episode when you guys were talking about Sabrina Carpenter. And it's actually a bit of family business.

Last name's Gigantiello. Talking about my uncle. No way. So, a little bit more. I'm here. But I hope you guys are getting after it on a Saturday night. And, yeah, it's Gigantiello. The Gigantiello family.

That's the priest who, you know, Sabrina Carpenter, church of the mayor. Did you hear that story? I heard she said something at MSG, but I didn't't so so she wanted to do a music video at a church and she went to this guy Jamie Gigantiello who was a Monsignor Gigantiello and he was like yeah you can use this church and I'm pretty sure probably came with a fat check yeah and then the video is her being like she's showing skin and she murders these dudes and the funerals are in the fucking church she's dancing on the altar and uh father bobby brennan a good irishman was like what the fuck is going on in your church how could you allow this she's talking about sex and killing

and all that she's running some good bits she's doing great she was she was she was ripping her bits. She was ripping her bits. You're going to rip your bits. So Bobby Brennan investigates Jamie Gigantiello, and then we find out that Gigantiello is rubbing elbows with Frankie Caron, and Frankie Caron is a businessman in New York City who does things a little not by the books, who turns out to be Eric Adams' best friend and mayor campaign guy, and it all unraveled from there. So this music video, they were investigating,

and they subpoenaed this guy and that guy, and they started to dig and dig, and that's when the Turkish Airlines came out. And that's when the $10 million came out, so she kind of did take down the mayor. Damn. Now I've realized I'm a bit stealer, and she took down a corrupt mayor. came out so she like kind of did take down the mayor damn all because they were like now i've realized i'm a bit stealer and i'm like and she took down like a corrupt mayor like there's gonna be a sabrina carpenter pond yeah queen yeah yeah queen and slay we steal from the girls

see but even that i don't think i use those even but i don't think they really do either yeah it's all like one girl in the beginning did i mean even joking oh oh like i'll do even but i don't think they really do either yeah it's all like one girl in the beginning did i mean even joking oh oh like i'll do it when i'm with like talking like pat and joey or something like i can picture you you've said slave slave because you do the shoulders like he said slay to me recently and she said and i was like did you say slay to me and she was like i can't believe i just did that. I'll do it. You just snap. All right, yeah, we're bit thieves.

Guys are bit thieves, man. I don't know if I fit in that one, but I'm a DeLulu stealer for sure. I like riffing bits, man. I'll riff your bits, girls. I'm watching this new show, The English Teacher. Really, really funny. Really funny. Strong recommendation. Yeah. It's on Hulu. It's on FX. your bits girls uh i'm watching this new show the english teacher really really funny really strong really yeah it's on hulu uh it's on fx i think there's two episodes left in the season

it's really really really funny um but there's a scene in one of it where like uh one of the high school kids is like he's like no i was a bit. And the teacher goes, what does that mean? He goes, it's just something I'm really doing and actually mean. I'm just hiding behind this word, this terminology. By the way,

while we're talking about TV, I'm watching From. From has a little bit of a following that I'm learning. From, I think, is a show that if it was on in like 2005, would have been like

the number one hit really? yeah it's very Lost-ish it's like a is it the one with the guy from Lost? yes

yeah I've watched a few episodes yeah that started to gain some steam on like social media there was a death in the show the other day and it like people were like

busted up over it and she was tweeting and like they call it the Frumily the Frum family that's a good show if people are looking for it's a kind of a horror thriller type tv show week to week though brutal the uh the in english teacher the gym teacher is sean patton he's a comedian

very he's funny dude really funny but also really reminds me of tommy pope's like the character oh yeah okay he's kind of like it's in austin texas he's got a gray beard and he's got some gray hair okay kind of he's just so funny dude it's english english is great it's honestly a really really really strong recommendation for me it's really funny okay i'm gonna watch that we got it are you watching love is Blind? No. Fucking bitch. You dumb bitch. Fucking watch Love is Blind. So I'll start watching Love is Blind. Yeah.

I actually like... New season is out. There's a bunch of guys we have to make fun of. Okay. I'll get on that. I'm in the middle of Monsters, and the girls are losing their minds over Nicholas Chavez. I don't know how to say his last name. Oh, the Menendez brothers? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they love that. The actors are good looking, but're all no no no they're ugly i'm just saying that one like my whole tiktok is just like edit like thirst edits yeah there's like the edit which uh the ryan what's his name ryan murphy who makes those yeah said the menendez brothers should be sending me flowers yeah Yeah. What a fucking asshole thing to say. He like sexualized them villainized them

like turned their whole story like embellished and lied and like no man I'm not sending you flowers

you like butchered our story. Could have just told a sympathetic tale of how we like fucking were you know like raped or whatever by our parents and like we needed to put an end to it and instead you like our story yeah could have just told a sympathetic tale of how we like fucking were you know like raped or whatever by our parents and like we needed to put an end to it instead you like

turned us into these fucking caricatures fuck you i'm not saying you flowers but if this does get the ball rolling oh oh if that happened okay yeah and then yeah yeah then you gotta send a flower yeah yeah they like get out or something like that yeah for sure all right it's like the um the quote what's the quote from like that book that's like sorry we should we gotta go okay i'll just finish it's like it's like um well i don't know the quote see you tomorrow that's the episode yeah you're perfect Perfect សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye. you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you