KFC Radio - Barstool Has Crossed A Line Yet Again With The Barstool Beast Jackets Ft. Kevin Heffernan and Kat Timpf

Episode Date: April 20, 2023

Timecodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:06:54 John is the Bad Boy of Barstool Once Again 00:23:41 Michael Bolton is a Legend 00:35:04 Richard Jewell and Olympic gear 00:44:21 AITA - Anthony Bass kids popcorn sit...uation 00:56:06 Video Voicemails 01:07:47 Kevin Heffernan and Kat Timpf Interviews +++++++++++++++++++++++ Pirate Water: Go to https://barstool.link/drinkpiratewater to find pirate water in a location near you Sportsbook: Must be 21+ Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLERYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Now you're getting fucking yelled at. Now you got a spotlight on. Next thing you know, you're going to have to have a morning show. Next thing you know, wake up with Anthony Bass three times a week. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. How young do you think you could pass for?
Starting point is 00:00:48 Who's the youngest you think you could pass for? I don't know. My brain's all skewed because I think – I still watch college. I watch college sports. I'm like, that dude was old. Right. Well, you just posed the question. Would people look at me and say that –
Starting point is 00:01:01 if someone said, is that an adult, would they say yes or no? I'm in a hoodie and a throwback shirt. That's's the thing i think they'd be like i don't think so but you also just he had like adult weight yeah that's the thing your size your bulk your mass does not say child or like not child but like kid yeah young but your look and you know the way you fucking sit on the phone the way you eat 90 pounds of mangoes and all that shit. If someone watched you live – Eating 90 pounds of mangoes is the most adult thing I've ever seen. That ain't adult.
Starting point is 00:01:35 That ain't adult. But they would look at you and be like, this is like a college kid, the way you live. The way I live. But they know. But looking at you, your beard, your your weight your face your you're weathered you're you know you you know the look of like a a young fresh-faced college kid versus like a i've been through life you know i've been through some things the last decade so but like you the reason i you this question has come up is because a woman just asked me in the snack area,
Starting point is 00:02:06 whatever the fuck you call it. Even the fact that I just called the kitchen the snack area means I'm... Get your bag, get my snacks. Like, she was like, where do you keep the pots and pans? What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:02:17 I don't know what pots and pans are. Then you asked, was it a woman? And I said, yes. And I corrected, it's a young woman. I think you'd say, I'm a young man.
Starting point is 00:02:23 I'm not a young man. Yeah, just walk through. Just walk through. You don't be a young man. I'm not a young man, but I think my look is that. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's for certain.
Starting point is 00:02:41 Jackie, do your friends know how old we are? Mm-hmm. Why? I was going to ask you to ask them. How old do you know how old we are? No. Why? I was going to ask you to ask them. How old do you think Kevin and John are? They don't know your exact ages. It's not even close. It's not even close.
Starting point is 00:02:55 It's just... J6 Jackie at it again. I feel like I've been told within the last like year or so that I, somebody thought I was like late twenties. So you were late twenties? Yeah. See, I don't want people to think I'm late twenties. But it's also like, I think I was at like a wedding or something. So I probably had a suit on.
Starting point is 00:03:24 I was looking at my best. I don't know. But I wonder, you don't want that? I don't want people to think I'm late. But it's also like, I think I was at like a wedding or something. So I probably had a suit on. I was looking at my best. I don't know. But I wonder, you don't want that? I don't think so. Because I feel like if I, that's like, I would like people to know how old I am. But just be like, oh, I wouldn't have thought that. Okay. Be like, oh, he looks.
Starting point is 00:03:40 But also, but then that implies like I'm trying to look younger, which I'm not either. But I mean, that means, yeah, that means you want to look younger. But I don't want to look younger. I don't want to look – You don't want to look your age. No, I'm fine being 34. I think maybe 35 might bring a reckoning. But 34, I don't care about.
Starting point is 00:03:55 35 is all right. 36 is weird. 36 is like, what is this? And then 37 is like late 30s. Yeah. So then you're fucked. 36 is one of those years that's just like, ugh.
Starting point is 00:04:06 I guess now that I'm like, I don't know if I want a gold or a gold, I guess I'm fine if you think I'm, if you look, if you think that's a 34 year old. Yeah. But it's also just more,
Starting point is 00:04:16 I wonder like how weathered and old we look, you know? Yeah. Because again, the style or the behavior might scale you down but somebody might look at him and be like, was that guy president?
Starting point is 00:04:27 Like, he looks weathered, you know? What's the youngest you think me and John could pass for? Thirty. This is for me? Or both? I just feel like there's no... The correct answer is the good answer. What?
Starting point is 00:04:54 The right answer is the good answer. Whatever you actually think. 30 what? I think for both, 32. You basically are 32. Yeah. 34, 32. You basically are 32. Yeah. 34 is 32. But if I were to pull up pictures of me when I was 32 right now, I look a lot different.
Starting point is 00:05:16 I look a lot younger. Really? Yeah. Like just like skinny face, tiny neck, just skinnier. Like it is pretty jarring because like 32 is like 32 is what uh like 2017 that's like oh yeah it's not that long ago 2017 is a long time ago that's what i mean it is a long time ago but like it doesn't feel like like if you were to tell me like oh that album came out in 2017 i'd be like oh a couple years ago oh no bro that's six fucking years i would say i would
Starting point is 00:05:49 think longer than that you really i'd be like that was 100 years ago yeah like i think about like the mets going to the world series i'm like 2015 like that that 2015 team was not that long ago that was like two whole sports regimes ago we're coming up on closer to a decade of that ago i used to be that way when people talk about the 90s and shit like that. I do think the pandemic was a real
Starting point is 00:06:13 splitting point where it's like, wait, it was before the pandemic? Yeah. That's right. That's a long time ago. I don't know. To me, that's like, if you told me late 2010s, early teens, I'd be like, that's like if you told me like late 2010s early 2000s like teens i'd be like yeah that's like he's that's still happening or that thing is still around or whatever it's like
Starting point is 00:06:31 no man that could be long gone yeah i'd be like you know i don't know people the pandemic and tom brady as long as tom brady was alive yeah yeah it's like yeah life just stayed the same yeah like things are just normal those two things ended around the same time Those things are still so That's so long ago It's like if you were Making jokes about someone who got divorced In the late 2000s
Starting point is 00:06:54 And you're still doing it today God damn that's so long ago So fucking long ago Well The bad boy of Barstool weidelberg he tried his best to fight the man and fight the fight and stand up for what once was the proud and funny reputation of barstool sports and he declared there has to be a line you were you were like president miller like you will not go quietly into the night we need to draw a line
Starting point is 00:07:32 and we're going to live on and either some interpretation there either is no line or we have blown so far past the line it's in the rearview mirror and people don't even know the line ever even existed because if you thought that uh the the golf themed happy hour was bad what do you think about the barstool beast club where if the top performers of the business side of barstool gets a custom it Oh, no, it's all a Barstool. Oh, we're eligible for the Beast Jacket? Yes. Oh, I can win a Beast Jacket, you say. I might go all out to win a Beast Jacket
Starting point is 00:08:14 to just throw it in the garbage. I'm going to sell it on eBay. A Barstool Beast Jacket. It's like a custom leather bomber-ish, I don't know, something along those lines, that has, I'm assuming, like a monster on it or something. No, it's two Bs. It's a B and a backwards B. It's a a custom leather bomber-ish, I don't know, something along those lines that has, I'm assuming, like a monster on it or something. No, it's two Bs. It's a B and a backwards B.
Starting point is 00:08:29 It's a terrible logo. Whoever designed that is going to take that so personal. It's awful. Look at it. Where is it? Here. Yeah, it looks like a beast with the horns. I get it.
Starting point is 00:08:46 Yeah, sure. This is how i know i'd be a nazi because like i fought back a little bit at first and now i'm like what are we doing where we going all right give me the jacket yeah yeah all right fine i i voiced my opinion once yeah i do all right whatever there's a fine line. I said this before. This is the world I live in now? We don't like this. Sure, I'll acclimate. We don't like this stuff. But there's also an equal but opposite side of the spectrum is being the guy who's like so up in arms that somebody is trying to motivate employees. Well, I mean it's awful.
Starting point is 00:09:22 It's really, really bad and despicable. But awful and it's really really bad and despicable but whatever i'll be really bad and despicable i guess that's what we do now like it's it's it's disgusting and offensive uh but that's what we are as a company now so whatever why fight the idea or the jacket itself but which is worse which is worse yeah uh like if this was a cool jacket would you change your opinion no no i'll give them that the the fact that it's a hideous jacket actually what makes it palatable what if they just said if they really try to make it cool what if they just said uh best employee gets a fucking thousand dollar leather jacket sure oh no no no no no like like it's just a a piece of clothing that you would like maybe.
Starting point is 00:10:07 Whether it's a jacket or – This is a worse version of – turns out I wouldn't be a Nazi. This is a worse version of my kid made the honor roll. This is I made the honor roll jacket. Yeah, yeah. This is I'm an adult who made the honor roll. What are you going to do when I get fired? Like I'm going to get fired.
Starting point is 00:10:29 I started this with being like I'm going to pretend I like it. And that lasted 10 seconds. I appreciate that everybody has a job to do. And so you think that like what I do is corny. And it's like but fine, man. I want to get a raise. I want to get a bonus. I want to do well. And so you think that like what I do is corny and it's like, but fine, man. I want to get a raise. I want to get a bonus.
Starting point is 00:10:47 I want to do well. And so I'm going to come up with new ideas and like suck my dick if you're too cool for school. I get that. I don't think this is too cool. Like this isn't like someone trying a little bit and people who are like, we're so old school. Because like I wouldn't do that. If it was like a regular thing. Like a regular motivational. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:07 I don't know. Bonuses or things. Money. People get bonuses in the business world all the time. I mean, if they did something like at the end of every month, you know, whoever wins gets two tickets to an event of their choosing. Sure. Yeah, I'll buy a concert ticket. So this does come with a $500.
Starting point is 00:11:29 Right. Lead with that. It's probably a a 500 gift card to the barstool sports store yeah that you have to use to buy a jacket so yeah that's what they should leave with it should just be i bet you that it might be something to do with bonuses and money and what you legally could do but if you just said like you win or you performed well you tell me like do you want or you have you have an option you want a cash value do you want a ticket to something we're literally describing bonuses yeah yeah i would have no problem with bonuses being handed out to people yeah i i think there's something though bonuses are usually like discretionary or merit-based you do them you get your money that's it this is a little more of a public thing. So if there was like a game ball, if there was a performer of the month and not only – part of that is like – I'd rather be subject to a public hanging than a women's jacket.
Starting point is 00:12:15 Like we always talked about you never get like a pat on the back or an attaboy. This is what some people come up with where it's like we're going to let the world that you were the you were the top earner you were the top views at the company you did the most blah blah blah this month at barstool you're the best people like that like it could be corny but that helps people like in the workplace some sometimes the corporate shit matters because it's like otherwise they feel like they're with the point of Yeah. Hence, you know, us now, this is, I think when, you know, you overcorrect too far,
Starting point is 00:12:47 but this is all a long winded way to say, like, I do understand that some people are just trying to like motivate and coming up with ideas that they think are good without just thinking through the logistics of like, where, you know, you know,
Starting point is 00:13:00 where this is out on a date, you're going to wear this out. Don't tell me. Yeah. Like, yeah, I don't know. I don't need to know about this. If Gaz was giving out his stickers all alone, go ahead, dude.
Starting point is 00:13:10 Give out the stickers to the kindergartners. This is – I came home and there was a billboard. I fucked a neighbor. Like, I don't fucking need to see that, dude. Just be an adult about it and fucking keep it low key. Like everybody else. Yeah. It's – but, you know know coming like what's what's truly concerning is this comes after the the public shaming that you've done which clearly had no impact they clearly don't take you seriously. I will say I did not see many photos from that party being posted on social.
Starting point is 00:13:49 Yeah, the party. That they stole from PGA. You should sue us, by the way, for that. Now, so someone's going to win the Barstool Beast jacket. Now, to be fair, we're not just the only assholes. Let's just beat the fuck out of them. Riggs posted this, too, being like, what the fuck is this? Oh, I was going to let this go.
Starting point is 00:14:05 Yeah. Nick told us about it because Nick was in the meeting. And I was going to be like, look, I've said my piece. I'm going to shut up and they'll do their thing now. This one has become more public than the other one. Yeah. Riggs posted about it. Did anybody else post about it?
Starting point is 00:14:20 Like, everyone's quoted Riggs. Yeah, everyone's jumping on it now. Many people are responding to Riggs. I don't know if anyone else is doing it individually, but Riggs seems to be. From Barca. From BAAA. I think Trent, Jeffy Lowe, Kelly Keyes have all added B. There's been a significant amount of people.
Starting point is 00:14:34 I mean, if anything, yeah, this is just an indicator of how little fucking influence Final Perk has over here. This is not new information to me. This, I just, you know who I really feel bad for? It's whoever wins Barstool Beast of the Month first.
Starting point is 00:14:55 Let's do it. Let's make it rigs. Let's rig it. We gotta make it. Let's rig it for rigs. I want someone who we know hates it to be like, or even better, let's rig it for rigs like i want someone who we know hates it to be like uh just or even better let's let's make it like somebody let's make it trends or somebody who's like really nice actually it would be you if you didn't this is the this is when feidelberg finally just is not a nazi and he's just like no fuck this but if someone who was like genuine like uh generally a pushover and like just go with the flow and they're like great thanks so much for
Starting point is 00:15:26 this like i don't want this fucking jacket at all if who's a good candidate for that you know you know deep down frankie really fucking hates this oh but if he won everyone i don't think anyone i don't think anyone i i i can't speak with her but i would be shocked if even they like like whatever if you like it you like it i don't i'm not trying to yuck your gum again like i said like i said with the other thing okay here's the thing to my head do i care separation of church and state yeah all how it's always been a third floor but this is not right this is everybody right right so so third floor gas can get out of stickers and they can you know during nap time and and, they can count their stickers.
Starting point is 00:16:08 They can trade their pogs and their fucking whatever. And then the rest of the third floor can give away jackets. And you leave us alone to rot and die on the inside, literally and figuratively, until we're gone and we're alone as we cease to exist. If you think about the business or barstool sports as elementary school, which it is now, it does make sense. Like, you know the fucking weird, like, kind of dickhead,
Starting point is 00:16:38 kind of depressed, kind of dark kid in the back of class who, like, never spoke up and you always wonder what they become? It's podcasters and bloggers. And then you guys on the third floor are the people who were trying to get an honor roll and sat in the back of class who like never spoke up and you always wanted what they become is podcasters and bloggers yeah and then you guys on the third floor are the people who were trying to get on a roll and sat in the front yeah and you kind of like we're like all right let's be in the back of weird i'm not gonna talk about that guy smells a little weird just leave us like you did it our whole fucking school careers keep leaving us alone this is a calling it the honor roll sticker is a really good example except it's I won the honor roll.
Starting point is 00:17:05 I won the honor roll. I love that you call it I won the honor roll. It's how often John was on honor roll. He won it. I definitely was never on it. I don't even think I was on it in elementary school. I must have been on it in elementary school. If I did, my parents didn't care.
Starting point is 00:17:23 They didn't put a bumper sticker on their car. Yeah. But – So the question – I kind of hope I didn't care and put a bumper sticker on their car. Yeah. But – So the question – I kind of hope I win now so I can burn it like an American flag. Yeah, that would – I mean imagine – that's what I mean. The first person to win it. You know, you see those highlight videos.
Starting point is 00:17:33 Like, ah! Oh, no. You know what we got to do? Highlight videos. You don't want SportsCenter. You know what we got to do? We got to win the Barstool Beast jacket, make a video being like, Viterberg's feeling a little frisky today.
Starting point is 00:17:48 Take out your AR and just fucking blow holes in the Barstool Beast jacket. Definitely getting fired. What's that? Yo, what if we put the Barstool Beast jacket? Not my beer. Not my American. If we put the Barstool Beast jacket on a mannequin and we shoot it with guns, we're getting fired. We're going to get fired.
Starting point is 00:18:10 I don't know that I'm not getting fired already. We're going to get – Yo, this is the first time I've ever had a little bit of concern about getting fired. There are a few parts where I was like, you probably shouldn't have said that. What is this? What is that? Nah, leave it. Whatever. I think it would be funny if i got fired like that would be something so bottom line we asked no nay we declared that there needs to be a line and the disrespect was loud and clear not only not my first time
Starting point is 00:18:49 not my last not only is there no line there's not they're not even considering the line after you called for one um so what now like do you just stop caring at all? Do you not even like when next week there's a, you know, we're giving out like a crown for the best person and then walking around in a fucking tiara. Are you just going to be like, okay,
Starting point is 00:19:16 yeah, no, I know what this is. Now I, now I work in corporate America. Now I work for companies. I used to make fun of, you know what this is 10 years from now you are in office space
Starting point is 00:19:25 yeah and you're and we're just sitting there we're beating up a printer with a fucking baseball bat right it is i mean again we said it last time like we really are gonna be we're not gonna be i think we're about done with this but the uh there's a lot of repeating ourselves like it is you live your long as you die the hero you live hero. You live as long as you can be the villain. We're the villain. We are a lame corporate company now. Nope, nope, nope. No, we're not.
Starting point is 00:19:51 Not New York. We're not going to be. I won't let it be. If I know the two of us, we're going to let it be. I won't let it be, John. I won't let it be, John, for a week. I won't let it be. I don't know. I wrote a blog. Jesus Christ. I won't let it be. I don't know. I wrote a blog.
Starting point is 00:20:06 Jesus Christ. I haven't done that in 10 years. It's the hardest I've worked in a long fucking time. Usually I just talk on a couch half asleep. This is where you needed somebody. I haven't sleepied today. Dude, I'm so tired. How big of a Bruins fan are you?
Starting point is 00:20:20 Did you get super sick to be fucking standing in line with Patrice Bergeron? Because that's what I did. To stand in line with Patrice Bergeron? He that's what I did. To stand in line with Patrice Bergeron? He was ill. Oh, got it. That's right. We won. Our captain didn't play.
Starting point is 00:20:33 I forgot what I was going to say. Oh, if we had somebody at the top really paying attention right now, they would have said, holy shit, he wrote a blog. He's not fucking around. We need to think about changing course. Because, you know, one of the OG guys here really took so much note of this that he put pen to paper. He put fingertips to keyboard.
Starting point is 00:20:58 That's a problem. It's a problem. Nate came in here asking Feidelberg to write a whole new blog about it. He goes, nah nah I'm good I'm all set on that this is where we work now it's not ideal but here's the thing
Starting point is 00:21:14 it doesn't really affect anything it gives us some content it's a good thing in this sense but it almost is like it makes people at Barstool the third floor is like one of the people here who don't work but they provide content in their non-work that's a lot of this uh now if there was a competitor to us i would be jumping all over this but there's not
Starting point is 00:21:39 you know yeah so it doesn't even matter. Someone offer me half my salary. That's Final Work's line, as we know. What's the lowest you'll work for? Half of my current salary. I would have given anything to see that agent's face. If you don't know, an agent legitimately asked John, like, what's your base? Meaning, pick how high of a raise you would say yes to and still work here even though you think it's disrespectful. How much higher would you need to go? And John said half of my current.
Starting point is 00:22:17 He said he would take a 50% pay cut and still work here. That agent doesn't work with me anymore. Those agents, it was like reverse arrested development. Got the worst fucking clients. I'm not saving up for anything. I don't plan on being here long. Today's show is brought to you by the Barstool Sportsbook,
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Starting point is 00:23:49 I have an issue. I've recently discovered this thing. You don't say. And I don't know if you guys have heard about it, but it's pretty good. It's called online shopping. And I use all these different apps and websites, like Amazon is one.
Starting point is 00:24:05 Whoa. And you get shit pretty quick. That's amazing. Amazon. It's pretty amazing. But the issue with all this online shopping is it's crazy. I just got a bunch of toothbrush heads, 10-pack. I've been using one for two years.
Starting point is 00:24:23 I was going to say 10-pack. 10-pack for life. That will last your fucking kids. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be handing down Sonicare's. But with all this new deliveries, I have a job at a company that gives out jackets for doing good. So I'm always working as hard as i can um and and uh with all these packages they're always texting me and they're like hey let me in
Starting point is 00:24:55 and i'm like why my work so they just leave it on the street and people rob you i don't get any of my packages how many packages have you had stolen, you think? I buy 12 things a day, so I lose count. I don't know. But I'll say this. When I get home and there's a package, I'm surprised. I think we're both going through something right now. And I told you I want to make some content out of it.
Starting point is 00:25:20 So I think we should do a series together. All the dumb shit that we're buying yes because you bought the uh we both bought the hand not the grip grower it's called the gripster but it's not a grip it's the other way it's the opposite yeah i broke mine the second time yeah well that's the thing uh in i still use it i just don't use my thumb anymore in i broke my middle finger one so i just moved move these two over one. So now you're just going to have a really strong back of your hand. I figure my thumb's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:25:50 I think your thumb is pretty strong. My thumb's the strongest. It doesn't need the most. So I use the other four. I get targeted for a lot of I get clothes, I get toys, which I would say is for my kids, but they're not. It's because i'm a man child and like oh you know what i got stolen the other day today what uh vintage t-shirt not today it's oh
Starting point is 00:26:11 by the way when you reach out to somebody and you say my package is gone they go usually it turns up at 24 hours that's because they don't want to have a conversation totally they're just like and he'll do it and i'm'm like, oh, okay, cool. It says it's delivered. How would it just turn up? They never turn up. These things just have a way. It doesn't turn up at all. So I got from a vintage store,
Starting point is 00:26:35 I bought a dope 90s Michael Bolton t-shirt. It's gone. I'm totally talking about it because I'm never going to get to show it to you. No, we got to get a new one then. But it's not a vintage shirt. It's gone. I'm only talking about it because I'm never going to get to show it to you. No, we got to get a new one then. It's a vintage shirt. I'll show it to you.
Starting point is 00:26:51 Michael Bolton has some bangers. It is. Those songs bang. Do you guys know who Michael Bolton is? Oh, man. He's got some ballads. He has a Christmas song that it's like an illegal song it's not on any streaming right now our love is a holiday holy shit that will rip your christmas dick off and slap you in the face with it it is you can make it you can see enough there um oh yeah it's
Starting point is 00:27:22 i mean we really probably it's crazy our audience like probably does not really know who he is he looks like fabio he probably don't know who that is either he's got like long flowing hair dude one of my favorite songs of all time like not even really kidding i don't listen to a lot on spotify but it's like one of the only youtube videos i go watch is this is a tale of captain jack spire atrow i don't know that lonely island oh oh yeah yeah i was gonna say that that does not sound like a real song and he just keeps singing about jack sparrow yes yes yes what do you think is there volume on this song yeah that song is a heater how am i supposed to live without you is these i don't know these are like his songs though when a man loves a woman that's like a cover
Starting point is 00:28:05 right i don't know is that is that an original an mb original he has a he has a song though which one is it um it like it's just, how can we be lovers? Do you know that one? How can we be lovers if we can't be? Yeah. That is like the definition of an eighties, nineties love ballad. That is just, dude, I love it.
Starting point is 00:28:35 If you go to, if you go to Spotify and you look up like, this is Michael Bolton, Jack Sparrow's on there. Yeah. He's got a great voice. He's the man. I love that shirt.
Starting point is 00:28:44 Now that I'm looking at this I'm never gonna have it I think like all of these fucking things are like covers I don't know if any of them
Starting point is 00:28:50 are real like his song lean on me definitely not a Michael Bolton original but I can see him
Starting point is 00:28:58 crushing lean on lean on me when you're not strong George on my mind. Like none of sitting on the dock of the bay. Is Michael Bolton having real songs? Does he just do,
Starting point is 00:29:12 I will always love you. How about this one? Can I touch you? Dot, dot, dot there with a question mark. No, you cannot.
Starting point is 00:29:23 Michael Bolton. That's very infantilizing. There's a Jack Sparrow ballad version. Just banging it out. Now back to the good part. Can you guys text Kelly right now and ask to get Michael Bolton on the show?
Starting point is 00:29:37 She will be so confused. The jester of Tortuga! Yo, NB, Mikey Bolt. Can you bring me a 90s shirt too? Amazon just leaves it. Despite the fact that on my front door at my apartment, it says, please do not leave packages outside.
Starting point is 00:29:57 They get stolen. Well, it could be them too. You know how many of these people just, you know, they just fucking take a picture of it say they delivered it and they don't even that's that's the rub of it they don't even do that pictures it's a it's a it's a tough thing i happened with my t my polos the other day um those got stolen inside my apartment but this is it's just like i i am i am spending let's call it three hundred dollars a day on packages and i am getting on average one of them maybe
Starting point is 00:30:30 what that is crazy town dude you really you're really shopping that much i bro it's it's instagram it's i i i used to shop i used to not use prime for things like soap and shampoo yeah yeah like that and i've i've discovered that it's pretty nice uh well it's it's it's easy to not because we actually talked about it with nick for monday's episode i i've gotten so annoyed with the pushing the button at pharmacies yeah to get something that i'm like i'm not doing that because it ruins my day having to wait for them to come unlock it for me to get something that I'm like, I'm not doing that. It ruins my day having to wait for them to come and lock it for me to get a fucking shampoo. I'm done with this. So I started doing the Prime and
Starting point is 00:31:09 I don't get a lot of it. But yeah, I don't know what the end game is. I think I'm just going to keep doing it. Just keep hoping for the best. It's like railing against the third floor. I'm just going to keep doing it and hoping for the best. People are going to just keep saying,
Starting point is 00:31:25 we're just going to take it. Well, I got news for you, pal. I just bought two of these Michael Bolton T-shirts. Yes, my guy! I found them on eBay. Are they worn? I wanted it to be a little worn. I don't want it to be like I want to make sure my Michael Bolton T-shirt
Starting point is 00:31:42 is secondhand. I don't want to go, he just made it a fake. No, this is from the 90s. It's like my Woodstock shirt. It's from the 60s. If you want, I don't know, I can wear one around for a little while and then give it to you and you can pretend that it was worn in the 90s. All right, you hit me at about 30 years.
Starting point is 00:32:01 My Barstool Beast jacket will be nice and worn by then too. I'll tell you this, though, my friend. But it'll be my barstool beast jacket will be nice and worn by then too. So they'll go. I'll tell you this though, my friend, that one we, we got is very cool. There are some really cool Michael Bolton. Okay. Let's get all.
Starting point is 00:32:16 How cool is that one? Oh mama. Yeah. Get it. Definitely. Definitely. You can start. That's an XL.
Starting point is 00:32:24 We'll never get them, but no, I don't even know how to log in. Yeah, get it. Definitely. Get it. You can start – That's an Excel. We'll never get them, but I'll buy them. I don't even know how to log into my eBay on the app, but I'll do it on the – Yeah, okay. Okay. Buy it. Add to my cart. No.
Starting point is 00:32:36 What the fuck? Now I got to get rid of the app because it – Yeah, these are fucking dope. Really, really, really big fire. really what is renamed in the podcast this is now a Michael Bolton appreciation podcast that is so cool okay let's buy that one buy it now
Starting point is 00:32:57 thank you bingo bango eBay is dangeroso let me tell you man it's just wait how are these even going through that credit card doesn't work anymore eBay is dangeroso. Let me tell you, man. It's just... Wait, how are these even going through? That credit card doesn't work anymore.
Starting point is 00:33:09 That said purchase. Thank you for your order. That's wrong. That is not right, I don't think. So anybody... How about this? Let's crowdsource a little bit. I'm sure there are people out there with some fucking dope 90s vintage shirts maybe you can put them up for sale maybe you can donate them to the show or but just tweet at us with your best prize possession vintage gear okay uh now in the
Starting point is 00:33:40 barcelona sports store you can get the who's the Biggest Asshole game. It's one of the biggest sellers, one of the best cocktail party games. It is the best thing you can do in life is to sit in judgment of other people. And, yeah, it's really great when they're your friends. It's even a little bit better when they're complete strangers, a.k.a. these are just things that have happened to me and Kevin. We try and decide who is the biggest asshole in a variety of situations there are a couple of easter eggs in there uh i'm gonna give it to you right now because i don't fucking care um it is uh a a girl a guy was seeing her dad died this guy had met him he'd been to parties with him. And they were
Starting point is 00:34:25 borderline dating. And he did not go to the funeral. That did not happen to me or Kevin. That happened to one Zac Efron in that awkward moment. There are other things like that. Other little Easter eggs throughout it from some classic movies. I don't know if I can legally say that we took that.
Starting point is 00:34:42 But whatever. I fucking said it. And the other songs, things like that. It's a fun game. It's great at a party night. It's great at a cocktail party. It's great on a train, plane, car ride, wherever. Again, you get to just judge other people. That's fucking what we're here for, right?
Starting point is 00:35:00 Go get it now at store. Store. At store.barstoolsports.com. Store.barstoolsports.com. My buddy texted me the other day. I was watching not a new movie by any stretch of the imagination. I was watching Richard Jewell. By the way, that movie is outrageous.
Starting point is 00:35:31 If you haven't seen or don't know Richard Jewell, he's the guy who they pinned the Atlanta Olympic bombing on him. Even though – because he was on the scene, but he was being this like over-eager security guard who wanted to help. Like he's the one who found the bomb and told everyone to get out of the way. But because he was on the scene, the media and the cops needed a scapegoat so they pinned it on this guy who was like you know special needs elephant basically it was it was again i it's a movie so hollywood probably had some some the netflix version is even i'm sure even more i mean they made that the the um chick, the reporter sued them for like defamation because they just painted her as a straight up whore who fucked people for money. Wait. I think you watched the real movie then. No.
Starting point is 00:36:12 I've never seen it because that's a – I mean it's the same story, John. Yeah. So the show – So they painted – because the movie did it. So maybe she's a whore then. Yeah. That's Olivia Wilde in the movie. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:22 No, no. This was not Olivia Wilde. That is – Have you guys seen this movie? I've never seen that one but I watched – You've seen Richard Jewell? Yeah. That's Olivia Wilde in the movie. Yeah, no, no. This was not Olivia Wilde. That is – Have you guys seen this movie? I've never seen that one, but I watched – You've seen Richard Jewell? Yeah. I watched the Netflix – remember that mini-series on it?
Starting point is 00:36:33 No. I think you do. Remember they made one about the Unabomber? They made one about him as well. Oh, the one with Manhunter? It's called Manhunter. Maybe. Maybe.
Starting point is 00:36:42 Or Manhunter. Manhunt. No, he's Manhunter because it was crazy because it sounded just like Manhunter. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's called Manhunter. Maybe. Maybe. Or Manhunter. Manhunt. No, he's Manhunter. Because it was crazy. Because it sounded just like Manhunter. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's called Manhunter. Where it was one of those like, it's a little bit like a cheesy Lifetime movie, but a higher
Starting point is 00:36:52 level of that. Yeah. Dude, the one about the Unabomber was great. I didn't know they did one for it. That guy got butt fucked. Well, he did. He did. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:01 Obviously. Don't you tell me you're not Team Jewel. No. Well, yes. I'm not Team Jewel. how you're not team jewel well i don't think you should be in prison but you didn't do anything he didn't do anything he should not yeah no fucking kidding a man who's completely and totally innocent shouldn't be in prison but when like the whole movie the two hours of it whatever it is is like this guy borderline and i'm being generous special needs clearly some issues yeah and and he is a uh
Starting point is 00:37:38 has been cited many a time as a police officer for overstepping his boundaries, for being power hungry. Well, I think it was more like he was like a nerd who was like, I want to be. It was almost like a child being. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. A special needs child. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:57 Yeah. Yeah. More so than like a corrupt cop who's like overstepping his bounds. He was like. I mean, he was like pulling people over on the highway when he didn't have jurisdiction. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But to me. like someone who's playing cop would yes but that's better than like a straight-up cop who's a dirty cop this is like a little kid who's like i'm here to protect the the world you know also cited for
Starting point is 00:38:18 he was forcing the psyche vows because you know and then it ends as if it's like a feel-good story and then he became a cop and then we gave him a gun and a badge i was like wait what i think you should have been in jail i don't think you should be putting people in jail either that one of the lawyers shows up at the police station and it like reveals behind the desk like, like, reveals behind the desk, like, look at what we made of the bus. I feel like for the last two hours you've been telling me this guy should not be a police officer. Like, don't give that to me. Like, and look what he did. And then we gave him power and a weapon.
Starting point is 00:38:58 That's like, again, like, I'm not arguing he should be in prison. But I don't know. Maybe a construction worker or something. Yeah, perfect. I was like, wait, what? But anyway, all that's to say that I was watching Richard Jewell, which is a 10-year-old movie. No, no, no. That's like five.
Starting point is 00:39:19 And my buddy texted me this in the middle of watching the movie. Look what I just found. This all ties back to the vintage gear. That's flames. Oh, Atlanta Olympic gear. All that was to say that this jacket's sick oh right right yeah i mean olympic atlanta olympic gear that i feel like i mean maybe it's just because it's america so it has some like but wait sorry one more thing i don't think we're talking about how crazy it is that he texted me that while i was watching richard jewel what who my buddy texted me that he's a good guy just found oh just by chance yeah one in a trillion it was i was like one in a trillion it was like there's no text before
Starting point is 00:39:54 there's no nothing it's just crazy it's just louis jacket that that is you know those kind of things just they don't happen right it's like have you ever said a word out loud while they say while this person says something on the same tv on the tv at the same time no i don't think i have it's actually happened to me a couple times so maybe it's not that rare but every time it happens i'm like did anybody see that did anybody notice that um the olympic the olympic year is fire and i don't know if it's because it's from america but i feel like the new olympics like yeah i don't know covid ruined the olympics i guess so yeah i used to get jacked up the olympics I don't know. COVID ruined the Olympics. I guess so, yeah. I used to get jacked up at the Olympics. I don't think I've even watched them since.
Starting point is 00:40:27 I don't know if it was COVID versus everything's ruined. Yeah. We don't watch award shows. Even sports don't have the same juice. We don't watch anything. TV is still there, for sure. People still get jacked up for Game of Thrones and Succession. And, like, that stuff is there.
Starting point is 00:40:45 But like why did award shows stop? I don't know. Like – It's just too much to watch. So nobody – Yeah, nobody agrees to all watch it at the same time. Yeah, I guess so. Like we would – it would be like we all know we're watching.
Starting point is 00:40:59 Terribly. Like they're – I never know. I love award shows. I never know when they're on Until like they're on When people start tweeting about it Yeah it's not like the NFL draft I thought that was three weeks ago Yeah they asked me am I ready to do the NFL draft show
Starting point is 00:41:16 I was like great It hasn't happened yet What are you talking about It's all non-stop Artists are playing It's Kansas City The Combine was a fucking it's a nonstop artists are playing. It's Kansas City. This is like you talk about the combine was a fucking it's all it's nonstop. I'll say my.
Starting point is 00:41:33 You said last week the Internet ruined home runs. I think I'm going to say the Internet ruined the Internet made and then ruined award shows it was that sweet spot yeah where you could live tweet all the award shows and everybody all the memes are flying the video clips you know people filming on their screen jokes were left and right everything was awesome and then i guess there's just too much internet too much streaming too much to do everybody stopped covet hit whatever it was and now r.i.p to any award shows they They're just fucking dead. That used to be the ultimate. Like, you're not watching sports.
Starting point is 00:42:08 You're watching an award show. What are you, gay? I was like, I don't know, man. These are fucking great. They were always so entertaining, dude. They were great. I used to do like wrap-up blogs on them. Like, here's what you missed sort of thing.
Starting point is 00:42:19 They were like that much a part of pop culture. And now it's like – I mean, have you guys ever even like watched an award show? Like when you were growing up, would you get like excited for – I don't know. Jacked up for the Oscars. Yeah, he would. The Oscars was the one I actually never really did get jacked because that show itself was The Golden Globes were the good ones.
Starting point is 00:42:39 They were all drunk. And Gervais was hosting every time. VMAs were hot. Like when we were kids, that was a big deal. Golden Globes were, I guess that was the big one because the Emmys it's more the red carpets. I don't really care about the awards themselves
Starting point is 00:42:54 but the red carpets were always where shit went down. It was a good time. Yeah, I would watch the pre-show. I'd watch the pre-show. He used to do a pre-show for like eight hours. Remember that? You could turn on the Oscars at noon. We'd live-sweet the whole thing. We'd have interactions.
Starting point is 00:43:09 And the internet ruined. We're kind of talking about Twitter, but whatever. This morning, I was like, oh, do I need to send a tweet that I'm excited for the Bruins game today? Yeah, so lame. And then in my head, I'm wondering, what made you that I'm excited for the Bruins game today? Yeah, so lame. And I was like – and then in my head I'm wondering, well, maybe people think I'm a fake fan.
Starting point is 00:43:29 I probably live tweeted 70 to 75 Bruins games this year. But people will. There are people who tell me I'm a fake Mets fan. Because I didn't say I'm ready for the Bruins. I didn't send a tweet like Bruins are on tonight. No, I know. I know how you feel. I spend one-fifth of the year every year tweeting about the Boston Bruins. And I'm like, well, I didn't send – they have a playoff game today and I didn't send a tweet like Bruins are on tonight. I've been one-fifth of the year every year tweeting about the Boston Bruins
Starting point is 00:43:46 and I'm like, well, I didn't send, they have a playoff game today and I didn't send a tweet about it. I can't, I hate that feeling. I hate the tweets that are like 12 hours until game time. Yeah, you're just blatantly putting out there, I'll be watching the game. 46 days till kickoff and it's just like some random number 46 jersey. Yeah, I hate that shit.
Starting point is 00:44:02 It's like, every brand does it. It's like, I don't know, man. I'll be excited when it happens. I get people who tell me you just started watching the Mets this year. You might have just started following me this year. Yeah, that's probably what it is, man. And then I get people who tell me, shut the fuck up. Stop talking about the Mets.
Starting point is 00:44:18 Like, you know, I'm here for other shit. Pabs, change the password. Get me off of fucking Twitter when it comes to baseball. Can't take it anymore. change the password. Get me off of fucking Twitter when it comes to baseball. Start the counter. I can't take it anymore. Change the password. Oh, this motherfucker. Be a devil.
Starting point is 00:44:31 Just got a message from my Amazon driver chat. Let's see what he says. Parties, don't want to answer the door. Hi, I'll be arriving with your delivery soon. Please secure pets if you have them and turn on lights if it's dark. Everybody gets that now. I get that all the time now. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:44:43 It's like an automated thing. All right. Am I the asshole today? This is my one from now. Oh, okay. It's like an automated thing. Alright, am I the asshole today? This is my one from yesterday. Hello, this is your Amazon delivery driver. I'm trying to deliver your package. How do I access the address? I'm not receiving any response from the buzzer. This is 22 hours ago, so it was at 3pm? Whatever.
Starting point is 00:44:58 Any other buzzer I can use? Do you have alternative delivery instructions in your package? No! I don't! Just deliver it to my house! Am I the asshole? This one was inspired obviously by the MLB pitcher Anthony Bass. This happened a couple days ago.
Starting point is 00:45:13 It's the ultimate Am I the asshole? So we got it covered today. Am I the asshole? There's multiple here. I guess who's the biggest asshole is more appropriate. Anthony Bass is a pitcher for the Blue Jays. His wife, who also happens to be Jesse James Decker's sister, was flying 22 weeks pregnant with their five-year-old and their two-year-old. She's not very pregnant. We'll get there.
Starting point is 00:45:36 People are saying that. You know who are saying that? People who are not pregnant. You find a bitch who's 22 weeks pregnant and tell her to do all sorts of shit and get down on her hands and knees and clean up and shit. It's pretty pregnant. She's flying with her five-year-old and her two-year-old. United provides them some sort of popcorn. I don't know whether that was like a, hey, there's these two little kids.
Starting point is 00:45:57 Here's a bag of popcorn. Or if it was like, here are our snacks. And they bought popcorn for the kids, gave it to them complimentary. I think that matters. The kids end up spilling popcorn everywhere the flight attendants hand the bag a garbage bag to the mom and say clean this up every last bit and then anthony bass gets a picture that i'm sure his wife sent to him he's not on the plane he tweets it out and says united you got to be fucking kidding me now the internet went nuts i mean that went really viral really fast i don't know if he's gonna have staying power but it like dominated everything i saw for like 24 hours
Starting point is 00:46:31 uh it's a professional athlete complaining online about airlines with a parenting slash child angle that is a that's Mad Libs that is that's the perfect storm for a story to explode and I think at least I don't know where we're at now the first wave I couldn't I couldn't believe it to be honest because who the fuck
Starting point is 00:47:00 is ever on big airline side like who wants to be on the fucking side of... Fuck airlines. Airlines buttfuck us every single day of our lives. They have been buttfucking us. I just have that poster hanging up. I just go...
Starting point is 00:47:18 You go, all right, all right. I'll pay the baggage fuck airlines hey remember this so but yeah everyone was like you clean up after your own kids this is you're ridiculous you're despicable like the plane shouldn't have to do that like if you're i don't know i am on the side of like you should always pick up at your kids i told the story on the rundown i went to the movies the other night the other day with the kids we saw the mario movie and keegan spilled the entire bag of popcorn not just a couple of mrs mouth
Starting point is 00:48:00 there was a heap of it and and the whole rest of the movie i was going fuck what am i gonna do what am i gonna do i can't just walk out. I'm not, but I'm also not going to get down on my hands and knees in the movies here and clean this up. And as I was walking out, I saw the kid who came out with the broom and the dustpan, and I was like, oh, give me that real quick. I got to clean up. We made a big mess.
Starting point is 00:48:17 And he was like, it's all good. I'll get it. Fine. Which is probably what should have happened here. That's why I think they were probably this woman and whoever she was with was probably being an asshole. They probably were fighting to begin with and the flight attendants were like, fuck you. Because like I would have to imagine 99% of the time they go like, I'll get it. I'll get it. Just like get off.
Starting point is 00:48:36 Yeah. The thing to me – two things. Cleaning like an airplane like happens. Like they do it anyway. I think it's like built in basically and two i don't think there's any circumstances where you telling the pregnant woman to do shit is worth the potential fallout i think that's a crazy move i know a lot of people are saying 22 weeks isn't really pregnant like you're i've seen girls 22 when pregnant. When you're like 20 weeks is like when they tell you your first. Oh, wait.
Starting point is 00:49:09 What are you thinking of? Never mind. Yeah, it's more pregnant than I thought. Yeah, yeah. 22 weeks is like halfway. You go to like 40 weeks. And it's also like right on the border of when your warning sickness is like supposed to stop. And like sometimes it doesn't.
Starting point is 00:49:23 So you can be like puking your brains out you can be you can be like little basketball belly you can also be like swollen and fat as fuck yeah and like you're sick and and not capable and all that shit now you're flying somewhere i'm sure you are i don't think i'm not saying it's impossible but it was just people were just quick to be like on the airline side telling this pregnant woman to clean up and not – I don't know. I mean Dave said that children should be thrown off of airplanes with parachutes. Just throw them out. We'll collect them later.
Starting point is 00:49:56 But man, that was – people got fucking fired up. I just think we respect people in uniforms too much. Like why are you listening to her just because because she's, she's wearing one uniform. Flight attendant. Yeah. Yeah. Like, like,
Starting point is 00:50:08 like, I'm not going to run the movies because I, I still popcorn and movies all the time. Oh, so I was going to ask you that. What do you do? Thank you. I'm so happy.
Starting point is 00:50:17 You're willing to admit that the only reason I was going to clean up my mess. Don't walk out. Like if I, if I had a spill that you're describing with Keegan, I would have a similar reaction to you, but I buy popcorn. I buy a bag of popcorn. You spill half of it. up my mess they don't walk out like if i if i had a spill that you're describing with keegan i would have a similar reaction to you but i buy popcorn i buy a bag of popcorn you spill half of it eat the other i eat a couple of curl i eat like three handfuls during the previews and i put it on the ground i forget it's on the ground it's inevitably kick it over yeah and i pick up the bag and i
Starting point is 00:50:38 maybe depending on how much is there i might give it a brush in but that's it i'm not picking up individual thank you and that's the same fucking thing. Yeah, right. I agree. And so like what are these people so – I'm fucking keeping people employed. I picked up my mess every time. Guess what?
Starting point is 00:50:55 That kid doesn't have a job. It's also like – No health insurance. Fuck. You don't care. The people acting like it's a big deal that the movie theater floor or the plane floor is dirty that's not a thing you just want to yell about kids yeah you either have a problem with kids and don't have kids or don't like kids or you want to or you think that that mlb pitcher and his wife get preferential treatment and you don't like that there is something underlying here
Starting point is 00:51:18 and that's why you're screaming and yelling about it because that's you would be insane to care about it's an insane tweet to send that and so then then the other thing that's the you would be insane to care about – It's an insane tweet to send. And so then the other thing, that's the who's the biggest asshole. Is it her? He's up there. He's up there. I think he might be the highest. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:32 Because look what this is fucking caused. Right. Like now your wife is getting like death threats I'm sure and United is fighting. It's like for what, dude? What were you going to get other than some complaints off your chest? Also, like when you're in that position close your eyes i i believe anthony bass has a era of seven seven so he's a middle of the road reliever seven era close your eyes middle of the road reliever is not that's terrible yeah i'm sorry i'm in journeyman okay um and uh and um envision that person a person of that level drawing all as a
Starting point is 00:52:11 barcelona employee yeah yeah you go hey buddy just fucking let the gravy gravy drink rolling don't bring attention to yourself now you're getting fucking chance every time you're in the game now you're getting fucking yelled at now you got too loud. Next thing you know, you're going to have to have a morning show. Next thing you know, wake up with Anthony Bass three times a week. I don't want to do all this. I want all this attention. Dude, the jokes right away.
Starting point is 00:52:39 The top reply was like he said like the cleaning people should clean it up. That's the job they were hired to do it. The top reply was like you he said like the cleaning people should clean it up. That's the job they were hired to do. The top reply was like you got a 7ERA. It looks like you're not the only one not doing your job. It just opens up so much criticism. It's like it's not even like you're an asshole for – because it like offends me or someone else.
Starting point is 00:52:59 Just an asshole for what you did to yourself. But I ultimately – Dave, we argued it was it was a time warp dude we went 10 years back to the past and we just had the same argument we had about kids crying on a plane and the nets being put up in baseball stadiums and all that shit and he hates when i say it and i i don't understand how anybody can't like understand the the legitimacy of it if you don't have kids, you don't get it. Like – and he's like, what does that mean? Why can't I understand?
Starting point is 00:53:29 It's like – because you haven't gone through an experience that changes the way you view things. Yeah. It's like it's the same thing as if you never had a job, if you've never gone to school, if you've never done something – like you never had these kids. You've never been pregnant. You don't know what it's like. It's like – I don't get why you can't understand that. You can have an opinion on it and then – I do have an opinion on it and then I will – I'll go, I don't really agree with that. But all right, you have a different life experience than me.
Starting point is 00:53:59 Right. I would say like there was definitely a time where I was like, fuck crying babies on planes. And then I had a crying baby on a plane and I was like, I'm so sorry. I know this sucks. But anybody who would be like, you know, you and your kid can't fly. I'd be like, shut the fuck up. How about that? You know?
Starting point is 00:54:14 So I guess it's one of those rare. Everyone's the asshole. ETA. Yeah. Yeah. This is everyone's the asshole. For sure. Voicemails are brought to you by Pirate Water.
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Starting point is 00:56:16 It's the underrated genius here. It's about time I make my KFC radio debut. I know, I know. Your boy's looking stupid hot right now. But anyways, i got two things for today one fellas not if but when you guys start doing taylor swift numbers at these live shows what venue would mean the most to both of you to sell out i think kevin and john i know the answers kevin is probably msg or city field. John is probably TD Garden or Fenway.
Starting point is 00:56:46 And two, when are you letting your boy come sit in on a podcast live in the studio? It's about time. You guys are enjoying the Corey Deuce Retiree. He edited this himself? I didn't mean to plug it there, but I did. Oh, my God. Anyway, I can send more over if you guys want. But I will see you guys live in person May 12th in Boston.
Starting point is 00:57:06 Buy your tickets now if you haven't already. Underrated Genius out. He actually took a cool picture. Wait, was that outro music? He's got a fucking outro music and a logo. Oh. I'm actually surprised more people don't do shit like that. They just get their blatant plugs
Starting point is 00:57:23 in. He took a picture. you. That's actually cool. I've been meaning to bring it in, email it. It's you like chugging a nip from the – Oh, yeah, yeah. I know the picture. Yeah, the final part on the back. It's cool. Yeah, like MSG, right?
Starting point is 00:57:36 Boston Garden for you. Wow. I was going to have a reasonable answer. That's what I mean. Of course, that would be the dream. What do you think is a – Fucking Wembley. What do you think is an attainable spot?
Starting point is 00:57:46 I actually don't know venues like this. I don't know. An iconic 350-person venue. The Wilbur is pretty fucking – like that's probably it. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if there's like an equivalent in new york like like irving plaza would be a cool we haven't done yet where they could like put tables uh chairs out yeah i think that fits like almost 2000 that's like a big you know but it just like in new york new york goes from like a couple hundred to like radio city and hulu theater
Starting point is 00:58:18 and shit that's like that would be ways down down the line but uh irving plaza has had like some cool bands and we've had history there with blackout tours and all that so uh that would be ways down down the line but uh irving plaza has had like some cool bands and we've had history there with blackout tours and all that so uh that would be it for new york and i and i already i think the wilbur is already the one for boston so wilbur is the one for boston get your last like like very minimal tickets probably like single digit tickets left from uh for the wilbur i don't i don't think i think the wilbur sold out i think austin sold out i think dallas sold out one show sorry one show. I think Houston just... Houston. You can buy your
Starting point is 00:58:47 individual tickets now. So go to KC Radio. Find the link for your tickets and you can buy one or two or three tickets. You don't have to buy them in sets of four anymore. Come see us. You're kicking off the tour, so it's got to be filled or I'm going to burn down your city. Or we will just leave you out of the highlight reel video.
Starting point is 00:59:06 Next up! Wait, I wanted to think burn down your city. Or we will just leave you out of the highlight reel video. Next up. Oh, wait. I wanted to think about that real quick. Another one. All I know for venues, I don't really go to a ton of live shows, music, I mean. So all I know are places we've been on the Blackout Tour. Basically anywhere on the Blackout Tour, actually,
Starting point is 00:59:22 would be fun. Yeah. If we did like Blue Face Heartbreak Hotel in Providence that was crazy if we did wherever we went in Iowa City that place shut down I think someone else might have bought it that would be a fun spot to do
Starting point is 00:59:33 you know what was cool was the Masonic Lodge we already did it now that was a cool venue I want to do some weird shit like that some of these classic ones are good for reputation but I want to do some weird shit like that. Some of these classic ones are good for reputation, but I want to do some weird shit like, I don't know, like overlooking
Starting point is 00:59:49 the water at an outdoor venue or something crazy like that. Have Jackie hike us up a fucking hill or a mountain or whatever. We'll do a live show there. Pier 17 in New York would be cool. Yeah, we could do some water shit there. We should do like a barge in the middle of the Hudson River.
Starting point is 01:00:06 We'll get a boat out there. We can kill someone in the barge with a little beast jacket out there. It's international waters. Next up. What's up, guys? In the past couple episodes, John has admitted two separate things. One, that he doesn't really clean his asshole. That it just seems like he lets water slide down it however clean it gets
Starting point is 01:00:25 that's not true and two that he's been shitting so bad that he needs to literally scrub the toilet to clean it after every time he shits why do you have to scrub the toilet but not your own asshole yeah like why are you doing these things like why why are you talking about that publicly? Yeah. I don't know. It just happens. I get it. But it's like – It's a huge regret of mine. No. Talking about it or living that way?
Starting point is 01:00:56 Everything I said in the show I regret. Yeah. It's crazy that people want to have sex with you. God. They don't. Just so you know. They do though. I don't know if you want to back, but like there are people who want to have sex with you.
Starting point is 01:01:11 I'm like, for reals? For cereal? I heard what he said yesterday. You're going to get mango farts all up in that blanket. I've severely cut down on mango intake. Thank God. Severely cut down on the mango intake. That video of her, did you see that yesterday?
Starting point is 01:01:31 No. Maybe you can see her from where you're sitting. I can't see her. So when you were talking about like your toots, Pabst was filming her from there and she was just like – I make you a promise. What is this fucking – I avoid eye contact with Jackieie like she's medusa but basically anytime i talk on this show like i don't ever see she was she was just like he's doing
Starting point is 01:01:54 just awful horrid horrid i don't even know what that guy had a question i think he was just like you're fucking why are you doing this dude yeah uh but i don't know it is that guy had a question. I think he was just like, you're fucking, why are you doing this, dude? Yeah. But I don't know. It is. I like, yo, it's one of those things. Like, I beg you guys to stop listening. And then I can stop talking. No.
Starting point is 01:02:14 Don't listen to him. Don't ever tell someone about this show. Don't ever. Spread, you know, word of mouth. Tell your friends. No, no, no, no, no. Don't. Don't. Don't.
Starting point is 01:02:21 Don't. Fucking stop listening. Less people listening. Stop buying stuff from the advertisers. I'll almost be a freak. Last voicemail. Hey, guys. I'm watching your Ben Schwartz interview as I drive home from work.
Starting point is 01:02:41 And it got me thinking I'm barely in it. And we were pumping fights up for his new amazing little skit show. So funny. Everyone check it out. And it made me think if you both had to be or you could star in a TV show that's already been written
Starting point is 01:02:58 and you were the character instead of the actor, which show would you choose? So for example, I could be Pam Beasley. Super understandable concept. First of all, shout out to her for watching the interview while driving.
Starting point is 01:03:14 That's how I roll. This is an easy one for me. What do you think? Fit? This is an easy one for me for fit. I'm surprised. First of all, it's the accurate description of it, but I love how
Starting point is 01:03:31 anytime anyone, from my parents to callers, it's actually how people used to talk about barstool, which I guess is a nice thing. It's like, how's that little blog going? How's your little podcast? How's your little sketch, Yeah. How's your little sketch show? It sounds so offensive.
Starting point is 01:03:50 She said little? Yeah. Amazing. It's amazing. Your little sketch show is amazing. How's your little sketch show going, huh? Hey, little cutie pie. How's it going?
Starting point is 01:03:58 You playing with cameras? That's so cute. That is so unbelievably demeaning. So rude. So fucking rude to say that. How's your little sketch, your little skit, your little go-go? Your showsy-wosey. I saw this meme the other day.
Starting point is 01:04:16 This guy's great. He does, like, open stand-up memes and shit. Which is a perfect time. Put that in your little skit. It is. It is. Yeah. No one knows what to call it.
Starting point is 01:04:32 I don't either. You can just call it a sketch show. I don't know if they're sketches. I don't know if they're skits. I don't know what they are. It's a comedy show. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:04:38 It's just a little funny thing. Little doesn't need to be in there. I just said that. That was me. It's a little project we're working on. It's just little funny things we have to do.
Starting point is 01:04:47 I don't know if it's a character I resonate with the most. Probably is. But it's for sure 100% the character I've gotten tweets about the most where it's like, oh, this is you. That's Nick Miller in New Girl. Yeah. That's the one I think. Again, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:05:04 Maybe we said it's an easy to understand concept maybe it's not anymore because I don't know if it's a character that I could seamlessly go into I think Nick Miller would be the one I'd want to go into Nick Miller's up there too, he's a great character but I like to be
Starting point is 01:05:23 something I'm not so I would probably be like a man. Yeah. Like Nick Miller is like not a man. Right, right, right. Like I can't even think of a man. Yeah. So not a man.
Starting point is 01:05:37 That's how fucking straight you are, bro. All I can think about is chits. I mean, I think with all the rage and the – like – Dennis? Yeah, Dennis would be my least – or my most relatable, which is not good. Remember that time I told David Duchovny I relate to Californication, his character, the most? And he was like, that's not good. That character is a bad person.
Starting point is 01:06:07 He was like, why don't you call me in five years? That's going to get to be a tough road for you. That was one of our first interviews ever. I remember you so excited because I was going to say it. If you didn't say it, I was going to say it. I completely agreed with you. I love that character. I envy him. He's like, what?
Starting point is 01:06:40 This is a despicable human. Everything about him is terrible. He's like, it's not a fun life. He's the best. He's drunk and fucking hookers. Daughter hates him. Yeah, that was funny. That was the time where television was probably like, maybe we should move on from anti-heroes.
Starting point is 01:07:00 Because it's not happening. We're getting a little heavy on the anti. And not so much on the hero anymore. No one else is picking up on it. This guy's the best! Tony! Yeah! Walter! Sure! What is his name? Hank Moody.
Starting point is 01:07:16 Bro, you know what? Come to think of it, if I could rethink when college, when I should have just dropped out then instead of continuing to try the first episode of Californication. I was like, that's what I want to be. That's what I want to be when I should have just dropped out then instead of continuing to try, the first episode of Californication. I was like, that's what I want to be. That's what I want to be when I grow up. All right.
Starting point is 01:07:31 Let's get into our interviews. Unfortunately, I kind of got it. You did. I was going to say, you kind of nailed it. I regret my choices. Back to college. We got a double dip for you. We got Kevin Heffernan and – Kat Timp.
Starting point is 01:07:49 And Kat Timp on the show today. So two interviews to round things out for you. Let's start off with Kev. We'll see you next week. We will see you next week, some of you. Otherwise, we'll be back with other episodes. Yes, sir. Mix on Monday.
Starting point is 01:08:02 Regular episodes Tuesday, Thursday. We'll see you in Texas. Houston Wednesday, sir. Mix on Monday. Regular episodes Tuesday, Thursday. See you in Texas. Houston Wednesday. Dallas Thursday. Austin Saturday. Austin Saturday. Are you guys not going to Chicago? I hear everyone's going.
Starting point is 01:08:12 No. We are New York. Well, I'm a New York boy. He's a Boston boy. We're staying put. I remember Boston. I remember that. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:19 Was there pressure to go there or no? Or do you regularly go? Well, I mean, it was never in the cards for me. I'm a New York guy like through and through. I also – we're more like doing the stand-up comedy. We're not doing stand-up. A lot of our show is comics and whatnot. So New York makes a lot more sense for us.
Starting point is 01:08:36 But the – What's going to happen here? Is it going to empty out or what's going to – I think they'll probably trim – it will trim out a little bit. But I think we were kind of overcrowded as is. So I think there's a lot of people that will have more space to operate here in New York and hopefully flourish a little bit. This is – for us, it's kind of like, yeah, like we have more room. We have less people to deal with.
Starting point is 01:08:58 We have – The man is not cracking down on you? Yeah, no, not really. He is a man, you know. Yeah, he's – okay. He's gone. He's in the now. Yeah, he's, okay. He's gone, gone. Okay. He's in the middle
Starting point is 01:09:07 of a race war right now. He's fighting people on the internet all day. He did the Angel Reese thing. Oh, did he weigh in on that? He dove head first into that one. Oh, he did.
Starting point is 01:09:18 And whose side did he take? The Iowa side or the LSU side? I do, his reasoning is he was like, I bet on Iowa. Yeah. He lost. He would have won $250,000 if AFL-SU lost and they won.
Starting point is 01:09:32 So he does not like them. And so, yeah. I mean, that's the internet at its worst, man. You're from Connecticut, right? I'm from Connecticut. Are you a UConn guy? I am a UConn guy. But like –
Starting point is 01:09:43 Congratulations, I guess. Yeah, they had a good one. I watched it last night. I mean, I stopped kind of following UConn guy? I am a UConn guy. Congratulations, I guess. I watched it last night. I stopped following UConn basketball, but my dad is a huge UConn guy. He watched the girls way more than the guys. That's so weird. That was the only other time. Women are having their moment now, but UConn women's was fucking force.
Starting point is 01:10:00 My dad was like, fucking hardcore. Really? Well, he comes from an era where the game was below the rim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And fucking hardcore. Really? Well, I mean, like, he comes from an era where the game was below the rim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's what he likes. That's how they play. No, that is a big-time,
Starting point is 01:10:11 old, white guy. The passing is crisp, and the fundamentals are great. Yeah, yeah. New balances and tube socks. Yeah. But, like, to, you know, see kind of a guy like that,
Starting point is 01:10:22 like, he's, like, you know, defending, you know. Yeah, it's very... The women's team, you're like... It's funny to... It's like, hey, the Giants like that. He's defending the women's team. It's funny. He's like, hey, the Giants are on. I don't care. UConn's in the thing. It's very backwards.
Starting point is 01:10:33 I'm not a big basketball guy, so I watch very little and even less college basketball. But I watched this weekend, basically. I watched the games. And last night, I was like, there is a noticeable lack of Kaitlyn Clark in this game. I'd care about this game way more if Kaitlyn Clark was in it. But it wasn't much of a game, Andy. It was over when it started. Well, that's the problem when you have
Starting point is 01:10:54 the Cinderella's make it deep. I guess so. God bless them. I watch less college basketball. Yeah, no, no. UConn, and they're a storied program. UConn could be a 16 seed, but people know UConn. They have a good run. Ain't nobody giving a shit about San Diego State.
Starting point is 01:11:08 Sorry, boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a great run and all that, but you just don't have the history and all that. And that's what college basketball is built on. But that was the excitement of them being there. But it was like they would get within like seven and people would be going crazy. You know what I mean? But it was like – it was never –
Starting point is 01:11:23 I actually turned off – there was an ad for a TV show for Rabbit Hole, which I watch. What's Rabbit Hole? It's the Kiefer Sutherland one. Oh, hell yeah. Sure, it's Kiefer. And they put an ad
Starting point is 01:11:34 in the middle of the game. They were like, check out Rabbit Hole. I was like, oh, fuck, that's right. There was a new episode last night. And it pulled you away. Advertising, it works.
Starting point is 01:11:41 It really works. I put that on and then I was still kind of messing around on Twitter and people were like, oh, it's a game now. And by the time I turned the game on 30 seconds later, it works. I put that on, and then I was still kind of messing around on Twitter. People were like, oh, it's a game now. And by the time I turned the game on 30 seconds later, it was like 15 points again. I was like, what are you talking about? You're my keeper for this?
Starting point is 01:11:51 The dream tournament is Cinderella's make it to the Elite Eight, and then the final four is all like ones and two seats. Which is kind of usually, then. Yeah, that's why it's usually great. But this is why everyone's bracket was fucked. Yeah. I haven't filled out a bracket in a while. I couldn't tell you when. But I saw this year, after the first weekend, there was zero crack brackets.
Starting point is 01:12:14 I mean, once there was two 15 and a 16, it was like... I'm sure there's a few people who picked UConn to win it at all. But, I mean, that's... Dan? Dan, Big Cat, one of the guys leading Chicago, he put down $5,000 January 9th to win it all.
Starting point is 01:12:32 $175K. Holy shit, Shabby. He's a Chicago guy, isn't he? What's he rooting for UConn for? He's a gambler first. Gambling knows no bounds. Gambling is, you know, there's no allegiance to anybody anywhere other than the green. Okay.
Starting point is 01:12:48 Responsibly, of course. Yeah. So I was, you know, we were just watching some of the trailers and some of the stuff out there on Quasi. March 20th. No, April 20th. March 20th. 420, bro. 420, bro.
Starting point is 01:12:59 420. That's marketing. That's advertising. Can I tell you something about the 420? Work a 69 in there and we're good to go. I've you something About the 420 I've recently gotten Into the 420 It's legalized here I never do illegal things
Starting point is 01:13:09 I do the 420 Got into the 420 You know I got my The 420 I got you It is We've talked about it before But it is
Starting point is 01:13:17 It's chaos What it does To my eating Like it's It's I'm so I'm such a rookie I'm so Stereotypical about it I'm such a rookie.
Starting point is 01:13:26 I'm so stereotypical about it. I'm like, give me munchies and I will eat anything in sight. It's insane. I think there was one night recently where I live above a deli and I ordered food, like a DoorDash, whatever.
Starting point is 01:13:41 And then I was like, I don't have time to wait for this. So I went downstairs and got a sandwich. Then my DoorDash came and I ate that. Then I another door dash so I did two doors is a new thing for you yeah just discovering this I got never really smoked I mean he's been a disgusting piece of shit a lot yeah right but the weed is now it's the amount of food that you you know but I always ate a lot like it's not like like this is a lot of part of my brain perspective this is him well you weren't high yesterday were you no okay this is him sober yesterday his new thing like i dragged that silver well because i feel when you say sober about weed it feels yeah you know uh
Starting point is 01:14:16 he is into dried mangoes right now and when i say into he he ate that whole bag last night. That's not like a stoner thing. No, but it's – Dried mango? He has 60 servings of mangoes in a week. Holy shit. I said this last – It's good for you. It's madness.
Starting point is 01:14:37 I would – Imagine if he's high. Forget it. I'd venture to guess I've eaten more mangoes in a week than 99% of the population eats in their life. In the American population. That's a weird stone food, though. I mean, you know. But that was sober. What's even weirder? Is he sober?
Starting point is 01:14:54 Yeah. That's even fucking weird. I thought you were saying you did it because you know. No, when I'm stoned, it's like a bear broke into my house. I'll wake up in the morning and the cabinets are open. There's melted ice cream on the floor. When I'm stoned, that's when I... We used to say when we were stoned, 100 baby chickens must die. Because you get 50 wings.
Starting point is 01:15:16 So 100 baby chickens must die. How many baby chickens do you think you've eaten in your life? A shitload. That's actually a great... High and not high. We have a question, and we'll do it after this interview for Answer the Internet. And it's if you die and you get up to the pearly gates and you could ask one – you can have one statistic about your life. Right.
Starting point is 01:15:38 One number. How many – how much money did I make? How many beers did I drink? Whatever. Right. How many chickens did you eat in your life? Just for you alone. Because chickens are out here just getting so hard.
Starting point is 01:15:50 Because sometimes you're in a room with five dudes and you order 200 wings. That's so many chickens. That's a lot of dead chickens. Factor in how many eggs we ate too. I don't know where you're staying on abortion. That's unbelievable. That's a lot of fucking chickens. Little chickens though. Little wings. I don't like the big stand on abortion, but that's kind of unbelievable. That's a lot of fucking chickens. Little chickens, though.
Starting point is 01:16:06 Little wings. I don't like the big ones. The little ones. We had Steve-O on, and Steve-O was talking about that exact question. His answer was, he's like, I'd like to know how many animals I saved in my life by being vegan and his activism and all that. We're the opposite. How many cows did I murder? I don't even think you can calculate that if you're vegan.
Starting point is 01:16:26 It's easier to figure out how many cows I killed. There's a direct correlation. Add the ounces up. Cows, pigs, and chickens. He's been eating tons of mangoes. I've been legitimately eating a pint of ice cream a night for probably nine straight months now.
Starting point is 01:16:46 Shout out to Haagen-Dazs Caramel Cone. Please send me free product. I'm begging you because it's killing me. Wait, you're – A pint a night, John. You're hassling me about my mangoes and you're eating a pint a night? That's why I'm telling the world because everybody's got their thing, at least the despicable ones. Do you have anything disgusting like that? Are you despicable?
Starting point is 01:17:07 I don't think I'm despicable. I've had this conversation with my wife recently and Steve Lemme, the guy I worked with recently, and they asked if I could bring a food to an island. What would I bring? And my answer, they are always flabbergasted. My answer is pretzels.
Starting point is 01:17:24 What? And they think that's the fucking lamest thing. Well, it's also the worst thing. You're stranded. You don't have water. You're fucking. You're talking about not, you know, like, tortilla chips. Like, Doritos.
Starting point is 01:17:33 And they're like, no, pretzels. I would bring pretzels. And they're like, what are you, fucking crazy? And I'm like, salty bread. Salty bread. Are we doing rods? Are we doing twisties? Are we doing nuggets?
Starting point is 01:17:42 Are we doing? Any of them. You've got to have a preference, though. I like a good sourdough pretzel. Sourdough? Sourdough. Yeah, krill. What about soft versus hard?
Starting point is 01:17:49 I like soft. Soft is great. Soft? Soft pretzels? But, like, they think I'm a fucking lunatic, because I said I was supposed to eat a desert island. That is a pretty ridiculous choice. Just sucking pretzel rods to get the salt off.
Starting point is 01:18:00 I get that fucking tub from Costco. Yeah, yeah. Big fucking pretzel. And I just plow from Costco. Big fucking, and I just plow through that. And that's not as sexy as mangoes. I wouldn't bring mangoes to an aisle. There's plenty of mangoes there. That's where I get them from. From Costco, right? The bag of dried mangoes.
Starting point is 01:18:16 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get those too. I don't eat them like you do. Nobody in this world does, man. I, as, you know, we've been here now now we've been in this podcast for over on our 11th year okay i've been a bar stool three three yeah so i you were our first post pandemic i was but that was remote that was remote but you were we were uh yeah yeah remember that but that was the one where that was funny because like you and steve were in your houses and you
Starting point is 01:18:43 were just like giving us a tour and i was like oh this is gonna be cool like zooms do tours and then and then everyone's got a studio in their house now yeah yeah it was less you know less sexy right yeah i i uh i remember that yeah because we were promoting super trooper no no tacoma but even just you know being in the in the game for a little bit uh i'm starting to you know we've been together longer and seen a lot of people come and go and all that. I mean you guys have been a tight-knit crew consistently working with each other for a long time now. I think going on 30 – 25 or 30 years. That's crazy.
Starting point is 01:19:19 Yeah. So as long as we've been doing this like times three and you guys are still cool with each other, still pumping out good. For the most part. For the most part. You're getting fights and shit. Do you guys have fights? I saw a clip recently of Charlie Day and Rob McElhaney. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:37 And they were talking. They were both kind of drunk. They were talking on their Always Sunny podcast. I think it was a Christmas special. It was a St. Patrick's Day special, whatever it was. And they were talking about the fights they have in the writers' room. It's not like friendship fights, but how they go at each other. And it was a very interesting clip.
Starting point is 01:19:53 It was like eight to ten minutes, something like that. And they were talking. They were like, I want to fight right now. We're not going to do it because we're on camera. I want to fight with you right now. Like fist fight or just kind of get into an argument? Just to argue. And they were arguing over episodes because they've been doing it for the longest shit too.
Starting point is 01:20:06 They were arguing over jokes in an episode like 15 years old. And they were like, no. Charlie was like, no, I still think we shouldn't have had that in there. I still think this would have been funnier. Yeah. And they're kind of like – But it was like tense. It was like, oh, boy, this is a little something here.
Starting point is 01:20:20 We do that sometimes. It's definitely when you're younger you did it. You know what I mean? You dig your heels and shit. But we also have a – ago. We do that sometimes. It was definitely when you were younger you did it. You know what I mean? Yeah. You'd dig your heels and shit. But we also have a – God, I saw it recently. I'm going to talk about it and you're going to want to see it, but I don't know how to show it to you. But we had a fist fight between two of the guys in Boston.
Starting point is 01:20:37 And we were promoting Super Troopers. And we were at a bar or whatever and everyone got drunk and it spilled out onto the street. Because, you know in Boston they shut their bars at a one o'clock yeah
Starting point is 01:20:47 plus ease and so JJ Foley's they'll keep you until 3 or 4 so like 1.15 we're out on the street and
Starting point is 01:20:53 Jay Chandrasekhar and Eric Stolhansky two of the guys started getting into a little shoving thing and it started as a joke as always it does and then it turned into
Starting point is 01:21:03 not a joke and you know the cameras were out. The things were out. We had a documentarian with us. Oh, your cameras. I could use fucking film at, yeah. I thought you meant, like, fans on their phones and shit.
Starting point is 01:21:11 No, no. We were shooting it. Oh, wow. And we have the footage, like, of them. No way. Like, beating the shit out of each other. And, like, one of the guys, like, rubbing the guy on a fence. Like, outside of a bar.
Starting point is 01:21:22 You know what I mean? Waking him. And every once in a while it'll pop up and I'll tell you this Searchlight who we made the movie with I think Jay
Starting point is 01:21:31 turned over a bunch of videos to them recently for promotion and he I think accidentally turned over that video and then somebody watched the Searchlight
Starting point is 01:21:39 and then Slohanci who was the guy who got beat up who got this face you know he was like I don't want that video to be seen
Starting point is 01:21:45 I know so wait that was a time of real fist fight is this public or no it's out there or not out there
Starting point is 01:21:50 it might be it's out there for you guys well because we shot a documentary of that tour and then
Starting point is 01:21:55 like some of it went out as EPK stuff somewhere you might be able to find it but it's Chandrasekhar beating
Starting point is 01:22:01 Stolansky up on the street in Boston outside of a bar brother you gotta if that's not out there you gotta putcker beating Stalinski up on the street in Boston outside of a bar. Brother you gotta if that's not out there you gotta put that out there.
Starting point is 01:22:08 You put that on the internet to promote the movie? There's a guy who doesn't want it out there. Fuck it. You know how many
Starting point is 01:22:14 videos I don't want out there myself? My whole career is don't put that out but I gotta put that out there. He has some sort of control.
Starting point is 01:22:20 So your face is getting rubbed against a fence while you're being physically assaulted? Big deal, dude. I love it and I love to see it every time I see it.
Starting point is 01:22:33 I'd like to be a fly on the wall at the brunch the next morning of people who walked by rubbing their head, I need a water and a Bloody Mary. Walking home last night, I think I saw a broken lizard kicking the shit out of his hand and he's got a fence
Starting point is 01:22:48 with a handprint on his face and whatever no that that was the only I think that was the only real fist fight but that was
Starting point is 01:22:55 that was a legit fist fight that's fucking hilarious it's in Boston it inspires you the last fight I was ever in hopefully I
Starting point is 01:23:03 it was like a bar scrap sort of thing. I had a friend who is in a wheelchair, but he's also still very mouthy. Okay. That's the worst. It's going to get weird. Dude, I'm going to have to do this fight. It's like when your girlfriend picks a fight for you.
Starting point is 01:23:16 It's worse because he's funny and he's clever, so he would kill these guys. And he'd be drunk and he'd be like, what are you going to do about it? I'm going to punch your friend. That's what I'm going to do about it. But no, this one guy, he started to kind of grab him by the collar. And then me and all his buddies are kind of like, you can't hit our friend who's in a wheelchair. So it ends up being almost like a cartoon scrap where there's a big ball of dirt rolling. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:23:42 And it spills out onto the street. So they're fighting the guy in the wheelchair? He was grabbing the guy in the wheelchair. And we jump on him i think he had a couple friends next thing you know we spill out into the street this is this is at uh 30th and third at tonic the bartonic which is like the most bridge and tunnel place ever yeah uh and like we spill out and it's rolling in the street and it's such a mess that at one point I'm in a headlock. Someone's got me in a headlock and I'm kind of like throwing punches and we realize that was my buddy. We ended up just grabbing everybody to the point that my friend
Starting point is 01:24:13 But that's the guy in the wheelchair? No, no, the guy in the wheelchair. You're hitting a guy in a fucking wheelchair? But I remember being like, I got to hang it up, man. What are we doing? We're fighting each other in the streets. but I remember being like, I gotta hang it up, man. Like, we don't, what are we doing? We're fighting each other in the streets.
Starting point is 01:24:28 That's like the, you know, the action movie moment where the guy's in a bar fight and they turn around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you this. Where does the inspiration for a film like Quasi come from?
Starting point is 01:24:41 Like, what's the moment where you're like, you know what we gotta do? We gotta do Hunchback. We gotta do the Hunchback movie, you know what we gotta do we gotta do a hunchback we gotta do the hunchback movie you know uh yeah no it was a long time ago we were we were actually it was when we were writing super troopers and we were living here and um lem let me uh worked at uh hmv records which you know it's no longer anymore no there are no record stores anymore right but he would he a record store. We all had odd jobs or whatever. He worked up on the Upper East Side.
Starting point is 01:25:09 How cliche. It's super. Inspiring comedian actor working in the record store. Yeah, and he would steal CDs and take them home. He had a CD collection. For sure. And so there was some guy there that he worked with who was in the jazz department or whatever. And he was this weird guy who kind of talked out of the side of his mouth and he would tell him about you
Starting point is 01:25:28 know the lonely weekend that you had because nobody likes or whatever and it's just like let me start doing this guy's a character you know like started doing like this guy like talking outside of his mouth and we always thought it was a funny character he would do it in like the right moment you know and uh we started writing this character and we were like oh how can we make that guy such a sad guy and we put him in this position and we were like, oh, how can we make that guy such a sad guy, and we put him in this position where he was caught between the king and the pope, and we thought it was really funny,
Starting point is 01:25:50 and so we just started writing that script, and that was 20 years ago, and then we would put it away, and you'd pull it out, and there'd be jokes in there that didn't make sense anymore, but some of them remain. We have a Mark Gasano joke in this movie.
Starting point is 01:26:07 people watching don't know who the fuck's Mark Gasano. And they're like, well, I know Mark Gasano. But that was a 1990s joke or 1980s joke or whatever it was. But anyway, that stuff's still in there. So we kept pulling it out. And then after we made Super Troopers 2, the studio was like,
Starting point is 01:26:23 what do you guys want to do next? And we're like, well, we have the script. And they're like, how about Super Troopers 2, the studio was like, you know, what do you guys want to do next? And we're like, well, we have the script, you know? And they're like, how about Super Troopers 3? Have the script.
Starting point is 01:26:31 And, and they're like, okay, okay. And they read it and they thought it was really funny, you know? It's just the,
Starting point is 01:26:36 you know, it's, you know, Monty Python-esque. It's very, very much Monty Python-esque. It's like, you know.
Starting point is 01:26:40 I was a huge Python guy too. Yeah. At a weird age. I was like nine, like doing doing the clapping doing the black knight we always wanted to do that when we did sketches and stuff
Starting point is 01:26:54 you'd put weird wigs on was Monty Python a part of specifically that? definitely that's like the Beatles you can't touch that so whatever we try to do it
Starting point is 01:27:06 but you know we said let's do this and we were shocked that they said yes because we're like in wigs and doing like weird accents
Starting point is 01:27:15 and that type of shit but it was hysterical what a pain in the ass it's gotta be oh it's horrible yeah who draws like you draw
Starting point is 01:27:22 straws that was his character that's what he wanted to do And then like He said that wasn't as bad As he would have to walk As a hunchback Yes
Starting point is 01:27:29 And that was the thing And I think it like Fucked up his spine I bet Or his leg or whatever Turned into an actual hunchback Doing this shit And
Starting point is 01:27:38 But I mean you know We would be on the set And you're like looking around And that dude's in like A pope outfit And that's a king outfit And you're like Holy shit this is hysterical in like a pope outfit and that's a king outfit. And you're like, holy shit, this is hysterical. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:27:47 Usually we're in whatever cop uniforms or firefighter uniforms or whatever it is. And so, you know. Usually you're a stripper. Yeah. It was shocking. It was shocking. I mean, it was great. What's the amount of acting that Lemmy puts into learning how to walk like a hunchback?
Starting point is 01:28:04 I remember we had Juice from Sunday Anarchy. Oh, Theo Rossi. And he was talking about, I forget what movie he was promoting, but he was talking about how he learned to do a limp. And he took it for weeks and all that stuff. And we're like, dude, just put a rock in your shoe. And he's like, no, no, no, I'm dedicated to the craft. Method acting when you've got to turn into Quasimodo is a tough one. just put a rock in your shoe and he's like no no no I'm dedicated to the craft yeah method acting
Starting point is 01:28:25 when you gotta turn into Quasimodo is a tough one I don't think Lemmy does that like Lemmy better than me like he jokes about it
Starting point is 01:28:33 we did the movie Club Dread and in it I have a scene where I like do sword work you know and
Starting point is 01:28:40 so they're like alright we're gonna get you a martial arts expert to show you whatever. I was like, fuck that. Yeah, come on. And I just went out there and did this shit. It's kind of funny.
Starting point is 01:28:52 Yeah, definitely. Those guys gave me shit of like, don't you care about your craft? Like, fuck that. We're making a comedy movie. Seriously. So that's been kind of the vibe after that. It's like, we did get a guy to come and do accent, like a dialogue. Sure.
Starting point is 01:29:05 That makes a little bit of sense. I can see that. It made a little bit of sense, but it kind of went out the window. It's like – So you're doing it halfway doing it? Yeah. Like Chandler Zegar, every scene he's in, he does a different British accent. So like in one of them, he's like Senator Palpatine or whatever from Star Wars.
Starting point is 01:29:21 He's a Monty Python guy in another one. That's hilarious. Talking about like the – Who fucking cares? Having like's a Monty Python guy in another one. That's hilarious. The talking about like the, having like the karate guys or whatever come in. Yeah. Like, Ron's like,
Starting point is 01:29:32 who was it? Fucking, I forget his name. John Wick. I'm going to see that tonight. The, but who else said it? Anthony Hopkins also said it
Starting point is 01:29:41 where he doesn't act. I can't think of the acting person that was like, have you tried acting? Oh, olivia yeah yeah yeah marathon man and um that's that's been a hot topic for a couple years but certainly right now i feel like brian cox talked about it again because yeah his co-star is like a maniac yeah he's like fuck that shit he's like go back to your trailer and smoke a joint shut up yeah actually he's
Starting point is 01:30:03 awesome it is like daniel day lewis does that too where it's like uh uh you like it's like, go back to your trailer and smoke a joint. Shut up. Yeah, yeah. Actually, he's awesome. It is like Daniel Day-Lewis does that too where it's like – it's not acting anymore. You just became it. Yeah. It's way more impressive to me. You're not an actor. You're a black belt. Yeah. It's like I'm impressed that you're so dedicated.
Starting point is 01:30:16 You made your actual life about this. But it's way more impressive to me if you can go, I'll be this guy. I'll be this guy. I'll be this guy. You can just flip a switch. That to me is like acting. Yeah, yeah. And also it's like – Who am I? I'll be this guy, I'll be this guy. You can just flip a switch. That to me is like acting. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:30:27 And also think about it. We have five dudes. You get made fun of so hard if you take it too seriously. Oh, my God. I can't even imagine you guys. For whatever it is. I mean if somebody did that shit, you're like, oh, you're fucking getting a dialectical. Yeah. Oh, you need a karate guy.
Starting point is 01:30:44 That's exactly it. Those guys, God bless them, and I'm sure they do great work. Those guys don't have their buddies. They don't have friends. They don't have them on set. And they probably don't have the right guys in their life to be like, you fucking loser. You're going to become a black belt for Club Dread?
Starting point is 01:31:02 Why don't you just go out there and do this? We were having a debate about the most embarrassing things to get caught doing um the other day using a using a bubbler was one like using a water fountain you come up like a little messy and shit but one i thought of on the walk here for some reason uh the word once embarrassing to get caught doing is bettering yourself. In any way. Trying. You're trying? What a fucking loser. I've said before, like, early Barstool days,
Starting point is 01:31:33 I would get, like, under my desk, just take my daily multivitamin. You take your vitamin. Which is bullshit. I mean, you know, but that's the culture, right? We used to call it the house of pain. The house of pain because you just get to know. Look at Feidelberg. Look at Feidelberg getting his vitamin D
Starting point is 01:31:46 and fucking idiot. But if I was Keanu Reeves and I'm going to do that movie, I will learn how to use those guns and how to do
Starting point is 01:31:54 that thing, you know? But we're making a comedy movie. There was a time at Barstool, now some people get some money and a little bit of fame
Starting point is 01:32:01 and they want to dress right and look right and be cool and all that. There was a time though he's always been pretty fashion forward while the rest of us were not. Good for you.
Starting point is 01:32:10 But when I say fashion forward, like, he came to work wearing a scarf. And we were like, dude, this guy's a loser. No, dude, the worst one was I wore a raincoat. A raincoat. We're like, what Kevin? I'm not talking about, like, what kind of pussy wears a raincoat? Sure. I'm not talking about like,
Starting point is 01:32:28 I was looking at the deadliest catch. I wore a waterproof jacket on a day. It was raining. Sure. Like a black jacket. Yeah, black is bright yellow. You are such a loser. You should kill yourself. What are you trying to prevent?
Starting point is 01:32:36 Getting wet? Yeah, it's fucking thumping rain. You know, every series of things. Like, I remember when Jay Chandrasekhar, the first time we saw him use a cell phone and he took it we were at sundance he like he was talking to somebody about business and he had a cell phone he he went and hid in a bush because he didn't want anybody to see him use
Starting point is 01:32:59 this is like 1998 anything anything you can get an edge on. It went to, it got to a head for him though. He, we made fun of him so hard, Super Troopers 2. We were shooting in Massachusetts and he was away from his family
Starting point is 01:33:14 or whatever and they came out and visited. They brought the dog with him and so it's a, he has a little dog and so there's one scene where,
Starting point is 01:33:22 yeah, like, while he was directing, like, he had the dog in his fucking hand as he's directing. It was like Mike Myers in – Doctor Who. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:33:32 It was relentless, just ripping. And whatever. He was happy to see his dog. We should have been nicer guys. Yo, you're experiencing happiness? Let me fix that real quick. Yeah, it's like Lemmy makes fun of me Because I've had the same clothes for 25 years But the second I get a new piece of clothes
Starting point is 01:33:50 He gives me shit for it I like that Like you know the Fashion will go this way and then come back that way And you just go right in the middle Stay right in the middle the whole time That's why I still have an AOL account It's going to come back around My I still have an AOL account.
Starting point is 01:34:05 Welcome. It's going to come back around. My mom still has an AOL account, and it's like – it's a borderline inappropriate name now. At AOL.com? Yeah. What do you mean inappropriate? We'll beep her email address, but it's her email address because this is – when she was – when my brother was young, he had a paper route. OK.
Starting point is 01:34:27 And like he was like eight, whatever he was. He did not had a paper route. Okay. And he was like eight, whatever he was. He did not have a paper route at eight. He's the worst with ages. I was driving a car at seven. I'm going to text my mom while we do this. But she had to do it. He was so young. My mom and my dad would wake up and drive him on his paper route.
Starting point is 01:34:48 Wow. Talk about parents. I'd be like, guess what we're not doing anymore. Take care of the dog. The kid's dog. Her email address was papergirl at AOL.com which was our address. papergirl at AOL.com
Starting point is 01:35:04 Polly the paper girl. She still uses it today. Is that at AOL.com. Polly the Papergirl. Let's go. And she still uses it today. Is that right? I get email, like,
Starting point is 01:35:08 she has another one now that she uses for, maybe she doesn't have a job, but like, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:35:14 But like, when I get emails from my mom, they're from Papergirl. Do you remember that acronym, the club she
Starting point is 01:35:18 worked for? Oh, no. The old ladies in the sea thing? No, it was just, my mom moved
Starting point is 01:35:24 to like the country and is just so bored. What's the country? Like they live in Westport, Mass., which is like there's beaches and farms and shit like that. And they – she has nothing to do. She's so impossibly bored. And so – Why don't you get a new email address?
Starting point is 01:35:43 That would be exciting. So she fucking joined this club called like Old Women Fishing for Trash or something like that. And they just go – and she's not that old. Like she's – I think she does it to feel better about how old the women actually are. She's like, yeah, I'm in this. She's like – Here it is. It's old ladies Here it is. Old ladies against underwater garbage.
Starting point is 01:36:10 Olog? Yeah, Olog or whatever. Underwater. Like tires. Look at these broads. These hardened broads from another era just on the kayak.
Starting point is 01:36:23 They go and clean up dirty oceans. And look at them pulling out tires and shit. That's pretty nice. There's like the size of a football field off the coast of LA. Do you guys think you'll just do this until you're shitting in your diapers? I think so. We keep trying to figure out what different scripts we have to write in order to, as you get older,
Starting point is 01:36:49 what you can do. Because they want to make Super Trooper straight. I'm like, okay. Who's that? The studio or you guys? The studio, yeah. Well, so do we. We've written a few drafts of it.
Starting point is 01:36:59 But it's like, how long can you go? Have you ever thought about just doing Fast and the Furious? Like, let's just make 10 of them. Seriously, though. Like, what, you know, like, I think there was a time where some people at Hollywood kind of got stuck up about, like, you know, the art form,
Starting point is 01:37:14 and we've got to diversify and show you can do this and that. And then there are guys who do Fast and the Furious and Olympus Has Fallen and these things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kevin's listening to my favorite movies. That's all he's listening to. Let's just run it back and do it forever.
Starting point is 01:37:28 Make a boatload of money and have a ton of fans. And every time you get more and more silly. But they didn't want to. The studio didn't want to. Oh, really? That's why we did a crowdfunding thing for the second one.
Starting point is 01:37:40 That's right. We tried to make it. Yeah, well, there was a thing. They said, no, no, no, no. Funny how that works. And then we did the crowdfunding thing, and we raised, like, five million bucks in 24 hours. Jesus.
Starting point is 01:37:51 And before that, they were like, just why don't you do it on your own? Don't mention our names. And then we raised five million bucks, and the next day, they were like, you can say our name. And then it delivered, and then they were like, let's make another one. And I know that's how it works. And you're like, let's just go make the money and do the movie. Everyone's happy.
Starting point is 01:38:09 But it should be like, fuck you, we're going to the other guys. It should be. Marilyn Monroe. If you can't handle me, my crowd fund me. You don't deserve me. Go fund me, whatever. I think you guys should just run it forever, man. I would.
Starting point is 01:38:23 I mean, we talked about it. First of all, Brian Cox, how long could he go? Until he can't. I mean, he's still an animal. Yeah. But like when we shot two, he was like, you know, I don't work after dark. I'm like, what do you mean?
Starting point is 01:38:40 He's like, don't write me into any night scenes. I was like, okay. And so I remember we shot one scene with him, and we made it the easiest. It was like, Brian, it has to be nighttime for this scene. He's like, no. I'm like, we'll make it super easy. He's like, okay. So his scene, he had to shoot at like 930.
Starting point is 01:38:59 We waited to the last second, drove to his hotel, picked him up, brought him to the set, and he was there for about a half an hour. And he was fucking furious. He was furious. Like Logan Roy. He's like, fuck you, fuck this, fuck you. And we couldn't have been, I thought, more accommodating. Yeah. But he was pissed.
Starting point is 01:39:20 But it's because he's like like i don't work after night so like now we write the third one and you're like well fuck we can't write anything at nighttime with brian in it you know the whole movie just occurs during the day and then like when do we start doing that you know how how hard is it to do because we've started trying to do our own little sketch stuff here and like i never realized and it's stupid i should have how important like the vibes are before to do something funny yeah like like i can't imagine having brian cox angry and then being like all right it's time to be funny now like we almost just scrapped the whole shoot the other day just because like we were all we had to drive out to
Starting point is 01:39:59 long island and it took a while or take the tram to long island and we just like someone was late and like no one was feeling we're like let's just go home yeah like we're not ready to be funny. Oh the sketch guys are becoming divas out here. The vibes aren't right. I think it's the opposite where it's like how are we gonna be funny right now like we're all at each other's throats right yeah how hard is it to like flip that like it's kind of what we're talking about with you know other acting things where you know just acting but like it's even doing a podcast man sometimes like you don't want to do a podcast it's the shittiest podcast in the world because you're just like who cares you know but you're fighting fighting fighting whatever then the microphone
Starting point is 01:40:32 goes on yeah that happens all the time though i mean but you know first of all it's the money of it right so like when it's like you know when someone's paying millions of bucks right right right get over your little squabble and fucking act. Yeah, but also it's like, you know, like we were talking about, it's like these five dudes you went to school with. So it's like, it's never really, like we could have the worst fight in the world
Starting point is 01:40:56 and then the next day it doesn't fucking matter. Yeah. It doesn't really matter. It doesn't even need to be like discussed, right? But I mean, I could see like, you know, if there's bad blood or something's toxic or whatever, it starts going downhill, you know. there's bad blood or something's toxic or whatever starts going downhill you know
Starting point is 01:41:05 but we've never really had that problem because we kind of insulate ourselves from it a little bit you know but I don't know I think it's
Starting point is 01:41:12 I think it's way worse than a drama or you know something like that but at least drama you want attention so you're I guess so yeah
Starting point is 01:41:19 you're already like you're kind of going for that but I don't think I've ever I can't do this like we never I don't think we've ever I can't do this I've read that the Kevin Costner on
Starting point is 01:41:30 Yellowstone as the show got more and more successful his demands and his scheduling went from like we'll shoot six months out of the year down to like 90 days and his latest request and I think the reason they're splitting
Starting point is 01:41:44 was that he said I'll give you five days to shoot the season yeah yeah i read that like i don't know but it's kind of true like did you have you watched yellowstone yeah yeah yeah yeah like i feel like the first seasons was less costner like they would use costner you know every once in a while yeah and like then this last one's he's like the governor or whatever it is and you're like you know in his mind he's probably like fuck, fuck, I didn't sign up for this shit. Next thing you know, he's in a gunfight in the streets. And you're like, wait, I don't know if they jumped the shark or whatever. But you're like, I mean, he's probably like, oh, man, I didn't sign up for this shit.
Starting point is 01:42:17 Well, you know, how funny is that? I'm sure you're at an age, you get to an age where it's like, it's awesome that all of a sudden you're on a hit show. But then you're also on a hit show yeah but then you're also on a hit show yeah yeah i was planning on doing a small screen thing for one season next thing you know you got to do six it's like oh you know champagne problems but it is something to think about i mean but like you know he's got probably whatever other projects he wants to do or whatever but that's a fucking money machine stuff and so like you know those the creators and stuff they don't want to lose him or lose that situation
Starting point is 01:42:46 I read yesterday or a couple days ago that like Paramount Plus is very confident in Hogan Beck they're gonna work it out but whatever they got fucking
Starting point is 01:42:53 10 others I mean I've watched all of them too I watched 1883 and 1923 I've watched all that shit it's just years now it's just gonna be
Starting point is 01:42:59 you know in a year they'll do it it's good I enjoy it it's like it's just like cowboys. It's like you can make it just... Yeah.
Starting point is 01:43:09 Those have been cool forever. But put Harrison Ford in it. Put Sam Malley in it. And it's... McConaughey. Do you think that there will be a... What's the modern equivalent of cowboys? Like 100 years from now, will people make a movie being like
Starting point is 01:43:26 they were Silicon Valley men. It just doesn't seem to have the same... We were talking about gangster movies the other day. I've never seen Sopranos and I'm watching it now. What I don't understand, I can't grasp,
Starting point is 01:43:42 is why that became aspirational for a generation. Why people grew up, and there are so many people now still who are like, I'm a gay, so I'm a tiny guy. They don't live well. It's not like... Even when you're doing the gunfights and selling
Starting point is 01:43:58 drugs and all this stuff, you think at the end of the day, I guess you could argue Tony Soprano's house is nice. It's fine. It's not like he's living lavish. This is what you get. Most of them live in two deckers. It's about the familiar, I guess you could argue Tony Soprano's house is nice. It's fine. It's not like he's living lavish. This is what you get? Most of them live in two-deckers. It's about the familiar. It is, but it's also the same way the fucking Cowboys. Did you watch the 83? It's like
Starting point is 01:44:13 smallpox and whatever. This is 2000s. I said, just go work at Fidelity. You'll have a better life. You're not risking life and limb. If you don't greet someone the right way, you're not risking life and limb and if you don't greet someone the right way you're not risking
Starting point is 01:44:26 disrespect it's the adrenaline bro it's the adrenaline you know having like the AJ Soprano of the skit just go work for Fidelity
Starting point is 01:44:32 like that I don't want to do it I'm selling insurance leave me alone have you guys watched Tulsa King no I started it
Starting point is 01:44:40 the other day and I heard yeah I wasn't able to I was shocked the first episode of Sly just like rolling into Tulsa
Starting point is 01:44:47 and dominating the scene robbing those guys and barking out orders like you forget like you know in the movies you don't see he doesn't say much
Starting point is 01:44:54 or you know whatever in a lot of these movies but this Tulsa King he's in every fucking scene and he's having sex with women you know
Starting point is 01:45:00 whatever it is and you're like holy shit this is fun and I still do he's up there in age too isn't he yeah he's like 75
Starting point is 01:45:04 they lean into it they're like yeah I this is funny and I still do he's up there in age too isn't he yeah like 75 they lean into it they're like yeah I'm 75 years old why are you sleeping with me there's a scene when he gets he did like 25 years and he kept his mouth
Starting point is 01:45:15 shut the whole time and then he gets on the outside and they don't really reward him and he flips tables and he's screaming and they lean into it
Starting point is 01:45:23 like he's got the fucking shitty like weird haircut and the and the tan you know and they lean into like he's got the fucking shitty like weird haircut and the and the tan you know what I mean but they I don't know
Starting point is 01:45:29 they do it well what was your like when you were growing up what were your movies that were like or actors or whatever were your
Starting point is 01:45:37 I would say like those like all those kind of Landis movies and whatever like Blues Brothers and you know Animal House
Starting point is 01:45:43 and those things were definitely like the movies that we watched or you know like Eddie Murphy and you guys were making movies and whatever like blues brothers and you know animal house and and those things were definitely like the movies that we watched or you know you guys were making movies and tv and scripts in front of the beginning or are you doing stand-up we were doing sketch sketch so and we started doing sketch um like videos you know and um and then um it was kind of like we were here in new york it was kind of that era of Kevin Smith and Richard Rodriguez and Linklater. Robert Rodriguez and Richard Linklater. And those guys were making those low-budget movies.
Starting point is 01:46:14 And so we went in that direction. And we started making movies that way. When you were doing sketches, where were live sketch comedies? Yeah, we were here. Yeah, we were like... Was there anywhere you were putting it out for consumption? You mean in terms of like out on the... Yeah. No were here. Yeah, we were like... Was there anywhere you were putting it out for consumption? You mean in terms of like out?
Starting point is 01:46:28 Yeah. No, no. It was just live here. I mean, it was, you know, that was 93, right over it. So we would do wherever we could get space downtown. Usually it would be
Starting point is 01:46:37 like a cabaret club like in the village or something like that. These guys just started a sketch show and one episode was out. Barstool has always been more never been scripted, just podcasts or videos.
Starting point is 01:46:48 It was off the cuff. Yeah. And this is by far our best. And you're shooting them. Yeah. Do you have a set or are you shooting stuff in locations? No. It was a apartment or whatever.
Starting point is 01:47:00 But God damn, it came out so fucking funny. The first one, most of the apartment. And the sky is the limit for stuff like that when you get the right guys together and the right vibe and the right writing and the right premises
Starting point is 01:47:10 and who's paying like Barstool puts up some dough for it or are you paying out of your pocket I mean it's super low you're not allowed to discuss that
Starting point is 01:47:16 no it's just more that no one's putting money into it and it'll probably never make a dollar but it's the funniest fucking thing we put out there but you have the platform to put it out
Starting point is 01:47:24 I mean you're right you got the audience to put it out. I mean, right? Don't get me wrong. It should make some money. And it was... Barstool, even the most popular people put things out and there's a huge group of fans. Sure. You hate it.
Starting point is 01:47:37 This was like 99% positive response. I've never seen anything like it on the internet. You know, there's always people who hate. And these like it was so well received it was so funny it was like three skits 10 or 12 minutes 11 minutes whatever it was like awesome and it just opened like my eyes and i think a lot of people's eyes to like wow you have someone who's shooting it and editing yeah yeah we have... They're faking it. They don't know what they're doing.
Starting point is 01:48:07 It's fun though. I mean, fuck it. I mean, we learned as we went along. You know, when we shot the first stuff, it was like a VHS camera, you know, like one of those big fucking ones that you have in your thing. You put the tape in, you know, and then you would edit tape to tape, like a VCR to VCR tape, you know what I mean? And we're like, oh.
Starting point is 01:48:22 And we would just edit, you know, whatever, three-minute sketches so that we could change our costumes between, you know, in the live show tape you know what I mean and we're like oh and we would just edit you know whatever three minute sketch so that we could change our costumes between you know in the live show I think there's something to that like anytime you just have an idea
Starting point is 01:48:32 of like wouldn't it be funny if the boss said this and did that it's like let's just do a sketch
Starting point is 01:48:37 the thing is to rally to do it that's the hard thing because it takes longer than you think and it takes longer than you think to edit it
Starting point is 01:48:44 and then you gotta do fucking sound whatever it is there's so many elements to it particularly with this you think. And it takes longer than you think to edit it. And then you've got to do fucking sound. Whatever it is. I mean, there's so many elements to it. Particularly with this where it's like our – it's everyone who's on doing it. It's like everyone's fourth job. Yeah. A little passion project. It's hard to get everyone together.
Starting point is 01:48:55 But it is fun too because it is like – you kind of always talk about like the old days and you reminisce about doing shows in the village and when things were like harder. And once you make it, you kind of don't really get that anymore. Everything's kind of taken care of. And this, we were doing a shoot in Long Island the other day and the scene was in a car and we had cameras taped up with duct tape and we had socks shoved under them to get the gang going.
Starting point is 01:49:20 People were taking off their socks like, shoot that one, shoot that one. I need another one. Take your shoe off, man. Oh, yeah, but that's the fucking fun stuff. That's the stuff you remember. That's awesome
Starting point is 01:49:28 because we are at a point here where, you know, again, champagne problems, but it's like a little more corporate, a little bit more big media, and to get back to some of that, that's where it's really funny.
Starting point is 01:49:38 It's stressful. It's fun to look back and be like, that was hilarious. But I still tell all those stories anyway now. It's like, I was walking around
Starting point is 01:49:44 with my kids the other day. We had a guy sneak us into NYU in Tisch in the film school at like 1 o'clock in the morning so that we could use their edit stuff for free. See, that's awesome. You know what I mean? It's a dude who's a student. He's like, get us in there. And they got us in there.
Starting point is 01:49:59 And we would be editing in there at night. And then one night we got caught. Like, who are you guys? Nobody. And then you you run away and that's it and it's you know it's a good experience
Starting point is 01:50:09 a fun story you guys ever think about almost like a biography in a way like telling the broken lizard story yeah I think so like one of the guys
Starting point is 01:50:17 Jay wrote a book recently and he tells a bunch of the stories but we give him shit because his memory's bad so like you know did he not consult you guys on any of because his memory's bad. So like, you know. Did he not consult you guys on any of this shit?
Starting point is 01:50:28 It's funny. He did. Like, he's like, he gave it to me. He's like, you know, what are they called? The galleys or whatever. He's like, you read my book and tell me if I'm off on anything.
Starting point is 01:50:36 And I was like, I read it. I was like, oh, Jesus. That's wrong. That's wrong. And I typed out notes from him. I gave them back to him. And he's like, ah, thanks. I'm them back to him and he's like ah thanks
Starting point is 01:50:45 I'm not going to change anything but you know this was a courtesy so you fucking had me read your book and I went through and checked and made sure
Starting point is 01:50:53 it was 1998 instead of 94 whatever it was and he's like ah you know it's my truth it's my truth I think Audrey Hepburn
Starting point is 01:51:01 said don't let the truth get in the way of a good story yeah man if you wrote if everybody here at Bar truth get in the way of a good story. Yeah, man. I agree. If you wrote this, if everybody here at Barstool wrote the book of Barstool, it would be 10 different books.
Starting point is 01:51:11 Radically different books. Is this the same company? Yep, same time, same company, same people. And it happens now when we go around promoting. We were in there, there's five of us, and somebody will tell a story, and you're like, that's not what the Wade fucking said. Yeah, right, right.
Starting point is 01:51:24 And sometimes you just keep your mouth shut, and you're like that's not what the way it fucking happens and you know sometimes you just keep your mouth shut and you're like oh he's telling the wrong story so you guys just divide and conquer on this kind of shit
Starting point is 01:51:31 sometimes yeah I think we're gonna meet up they have like a we're gonna do a little tour where we're gonna do like five or six cities with screenings
Starting point is 01:51:39 cool and so that'll start next week because it's kind of weird like you know now it's the streaming world you know like we made the deal for this movie in the middle of the pandemic
Starting point is 01:51:49 when there was no theater and so now it's going to be a Hulu film and so you don't get that experience of sitting in a movie theater with a crowd I totally understand that but I'm more of a homebody and so the world going that direction
Starting point is 01:52:03 I would love how do you feel about this I'm more of a homebody and so the world go in that direction I would love you know well that's what they said it's like you know you guys you know how do you feel about this because the company Searchlight
Starting point is 01:52:10 they're a very theatrical company you know like it seems like it's the way of the world and for us nobody fucking watch Super Troopers in the movie theater
Starting point is 01:52:17 right or Beer Fest or whatever they watch it with their buddies and they watch it in the living room or whatever and so you learn that that's unless you're doing
Starting point is 01:52:24 you know Avatar fucking Top Gun yeah maybe you need the imax whatever yeah yeah i mean is there a lack is there like do you like miss something with that like we were talking to russell crowe yesterday and he was talking about master commander and nice guys and how they didn't really find their legs until long after they left the airs nice pretty quickly, I think. Master Commanders until very recently. Yeah. I like that movie. It's a great movie. Everybody does.
Starting point is 01:52:50 If you could only pick one, would you rather it be popular in like... It's hard because then it gets kind of that... I guess I think more people see it in their living rooms. Yeah. But there's nothing... I mean, you know,
Starting point is 01:53:04 the same way it is going to see whatever, John Wick or whatever, there's something nice about sitting with 300 people
Starting point is 01:53:11 laughing at the same time. There's just something nice about that. Comedy is great like that. But then at the same time, there's something great about five guys in the living room
Starting point is 01:53:20 who are high watching your movie. It's the same thing eating dried mango. I think there's... you know, there's good to both. When people say cult classic, do you like that? Yeah, I like that. I mean, I think that means like you watch it a lot.
Starting point is 01:53:34 Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You watch it more than once. I feel like some people almost, it's like a backhanded thing in a way. I'm like, no, I think it's a great thing. No, I like that. You know, I think that's kind of where we live. I think most cult classics
Starting point is 01:53:45 are no longer cult classics. We're like, they've gotten so popular that they're super mainstream. It's not a cult classic. But the people who see it still think of themselves as the only person who loves it. There's millions of people
Starting point is 01:54:02 watching the show. But cult classics are also you know different eras you know it's like you know people
Starting point is 01:54:08 whatever age you started watching those movies you know those are your cult classics yeah I'd have Holy Grail
Starting point is 01:54:15 as a cult classic yeah I think it is but that's you know that's traditional low budget you know movie that's really what
Starting point is 01:54:22 it's more about is that it feels like it's you know Broken Lizard is just a crew of guys friends who got together and made it happen. Making the movies. Is this your first time directing? I directed a movie – what was it?
Starting point is 01:54:34 Maybe 10 years ago for Broken Lizard because Chandler Secker usually directs. And he had another movie. I made a movie called Slammin' Salmon. And then this is the second Broken Lizard one. And then I've been doing I've directed like about half of the Tacoma FD show oh shit have you
Starting point is 01:54:48 yeah so is that always something you wanted like to kind of move it's fun you're not moving behind the camera because you're also
Starting point is 01:54:53 on the other side of it I like it it's kind of weird are you a a barker yeah you in a nice way you and I have done
Starting point is 01:55:01 professionally yeah no no I think in a nice way I am. I mean, I like, like Lenny makes fun of me. I like the trains to run on time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's a little bit of that. You need some of that, yeah.
Starting point is 01:55:12 But I think, you know, I also love a loose set. Like, I love improv. Yeah. And so, you know. Here's the script, but let it go. Yeah, if you're like too much of a, too bitchy or whatever, I mean, it's not a good vibe for them. Right. I mean, you want people to feel like they're comfortable. Sure. Having sure having a good time whatever so i think on our show we do that a lot
Starting point is 01:55:28 um but it's also like it's gotten to the thing where you're kind of older and like i don't have to explain things like when we write stuff or and someone else directs it you have to explain them this is what we meant and this is what i want to do you know or like it's you got another broken lizard style of humor. You're like, we meant the joke to mean this. So try doing that. And then you end up having all these conversations and so now you're like, ah, fuck it. You just do it.
Starting point is 01:55:52 Just do it. We train people to be like cameramen and editors and stuff here almost in a very different way where it's like sometimes we've hired outside camera crews and they're like, okay, we got to get the wide shot. And it's like, no, hired outside camera crews yeah and they're like okay we got to get the wide shot and it's like no no put it on dave's face right now because he's about to flip out because we know you know and you really got to know like the group and all that and
Starting point is 01:56:13 you guys have that together i feel like with broken lizard yeah way where it's like that's not the funny part this is the funny part and you know you can just cut right to the chase and you'd be like oh do it like that time you know whatever yeah i remember on the set or whatever yeah that's awesome i love that or like we'll reference like And you can be like, oh, do it like that time, you know, whatever. Yeah, remember on the set, back in, or whatever. Yeah, that's awesome. I love that. Or we'll reference a line from one of our old movies, do it like that, you know what I mean? And they'll be like, they'll do that.
Starting point is 01:56:31 And then you just know what you're talking about. I think every industry has that. I remember when I first moved to New York, when I was like 21, and I was an intern here, and we weren't making any money. And I was like, well, I have to make money, so I'm going to bartend tonight. And I went to a bartending school. And then every bar I went to, they were like, no, we don't take any money and i was like well i have to make money so i'm a bartender tonight and i went to bartending school and then every bar i went to they're like no we don't take bartenders in bartending school really like because we want you to do it our way
Starting point is 01:56:51 not that way oh really yeah like i never ended up bartending at all until one one night kevin got me a job and that was it i was the best man he lost money on the gig you got a job in a bar kevin got me like it was it was early early early barstool and i was tin lizzy on the gig. A job at a bar? Kevin got me like, it was early, early, early barstool. And it was Tin Lizzy on the Upper West Side. East Side. East Side.
Starting point is 01:57:10 Tin Lizzy was the best shithole in the world. But my God. It was owned by a bunch of guys. I don't think any of them were over 30. It was on 88th and
Starting point is 01:57:18 Lex or 2nd, 3rd. Yeah, I know that. And at the time, like four or five, like 25-, I know that. At the time, four, five, 25-year-old guys owned it. It was strictly to get laid. They gave away all their booze. I remember one time I met my ex-wife there and I was like,
Starting point is 01:57:36 hey, I'll get you free drinks or whatever. She was like, yeah, so do we and so do they. Nobody here is paying for anything, tough guy. But yeah, so he was desperate for some money, so I was like, can my buddy guest bartend? And looking back on it, they were like, he needs to wear all black.
Starting point is 01:57:54 I was like, he could fucking come with no pants on at Tin Lizzy, it wouldn't matter. But in order to go out, he bought the black outfit, and he made less money. He paid big bucks for your black outfit. Yeah, I got a pair of black jeans and a black t-shirt, and he made less money big bucks for your black outfit yeah i got a pair of black jeans a black t-shirt and i made 15 bucks you probably wore it again though man right i mean you robbing a building yeah well it's awesome to see you guys still all together doing it it's uh i don't know there's
Starting point is 01:58:20 many people in hollywood who uh who know, I mean, you guys just seem like normal fucking people throughout all these years and it doesn't seem like it's changing so it's cool to see. It's fun. It's fun to know
Starting point is 01:58:32 that you've been with those guys for a long time. We used to live in the same apartments here, you know, all five guys in one apartment
Starting point is 01:58:39 and now we have families and shit but we're still doing it. Are your kids into this stuff? Are they into it? yeah like the movies I put them in this movie
Starting point is 01:58:47 actually they're in this movie but they are they kind of do their own thing you know you kind of work in the business and you're like
Starting point is 01:58:55 I wouldn't want my kids totally I get that for sure you know what I mean I don't want my kids on social media or doing any of this and so like
Starting point is 01:59:02 you see the kid actors or whatever and then they're lucky because I put them in this. I gave them little parts in our TV show. And it's like Uncle Whatever. It's like all the crew is our crew.
Starting point is 01:59:14 It's been always our crew. The actors are our guys. So it's like that's the guy who was at the barbecue on Memorial Day weekend. They know everybody. So it's not that weird industry thing. I don't know if they would pursue it, but very cool. We'll see.
Starting point is 01:59:30 Awesome, man. Well, Quasi is out. When is it? 4-20. 4-20. 4-20. Get your mangies ready. Get 60 servings of mangoes and your friends and get ready.
Starting point is 01:59:40 100 baby chickens must die. Thank you, brother die thank you so much yeah thank you thanks for having me tell Lemmy by the way I still don't have a a bidet remember he was pushing bidets
Starting point is 01:59:50 oh yeah yeah he still is he still is he had it in his trailer in Quasi no way he put a bidet in his trailer yeah yeah yeah
Starting point is 01:59:59 there he is what's on your rider a bidet no it is he's like he knows the transpo guy he's like put the bidet in my trailer. Yeah, you got it, buddy.
Starting point is 02:00:07 It's like you're some big fucking tattooed dude. You're like, put that bidet in my trailer. You got it, pal. Sure thing, boss. He does it all the time. Stupid.
Starting point is 02:00:17 Good to go? Let's fucking go. It's Kat Tiff back in the building. I'd imagine you, have you done something with Barstool since you left? Or is this the first thing? No,
Starting point is 02:00:28 I mean, I was on like the morning show. Right. I was still a thing. Right. You were at a cocktail party fairly recently. Yeah. Then I came here and drank.
Starting point is 02:00:36 Yeah. You came back for the good shit. I appreciate that. Yeah. I love, it's just Barstool can be so dramatic More often than not But like I loved that your time here Was kind of like
Starting point is 02:00:49 And then departure was not It was just like you came through Did your thing Some stuff worked Some stuff didn't I don't know how you feel about it But like And then you went on to bigger things
Starting point is 02:00:57 And it was just like cool Yeah that's exactly how I feel about it I mean I had a great time here It was crazy Because like when I was here I was doing the man on the street stuff But it was just me and then gaz with a camera yeah of course of course he was i can't believe it i can't you know what's funny is there's been a lot of new hires and gaz didn't personally go film a lot of them fucking gaz he. He did. Unbelievable. With that Juggalo video that goes revirally.
Starting point is 02:01:25 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was Justice 2 and he was wearing salmon colored shorts. And everybody was like looking at like what the fuck. I mean, we gotta get
Starting point is 02:01:35 out of there, I think. I swear to God, he's the greatest of all time. Gaz, despite the salmon shorts, if Gaz just dressed normal and looked like himself, Gaz blends in with white trash.
Starting point is 02:01:46 Real good. I'm surprised he's not at the Juggalo Festival as is. If you saw, Gaz has the white trash body type. Totally. Down to her teeth. Wearing a tank top and long shorts. I'm taking it. I pictured him stark naked.
Starting point is 02:02:00 I don't want to think of that. I think he did that one, too. Of course he did. Of course he did. He did. He picked out your outfits did that one too of course he did he did he did he did he did he did he did
Starting point is 02:02:05 he did he did he did he did he did he did he did he did
Starting point is 02:02:06 he did he did he did he did he did he did he did he did
Starting point is 02:02:06 he did he did he did he did he did he did he did he did
Starting point is 02:02:06 he did he did he did he did he did he did he did he did
Starting point is 02:02:06 he did he did he did he did he did he did he did he did
Starting point is 02:02:07 he did he did he did he did he did he did he did he did
Starting point is 02:02:07 he did he did he did he did he did he did he did he did
Starting point is 02:02:07 he did he did he did he did he did he did he did he did
Starting point is 02:02:08 he did he did he did he did he did he did he did he did
Starting point is 02:02:13 he did he did he did he did he did he did he did he did
Starting point is 02:02:17 he did he did he did he did he did he did he did he did
Starting point is 02:02:17 he did he did he did he did he did he did he did he did
Starting point is 02:02:18 he did he did he did in there every single day. Yeah, I mean... But I mean, I got to do such fun stuff. I mean, some of it was great. Some of it that I did was like bad. I did some stuff that was also not good. But that's how this works. Yeah, that's how this works.
Starting point is 02:02:30 And that's what my book is about too with comedy. It's... If someone makes a bad joke, canceling them is ridiculous because you don't really know if something's going to work until you try it.
Starting point is 02:02:38 Yeah, yeah. It's swinging and missing. It's like, oh, I fucked up. Okay, if you're trying to make a joke and you're not trying to be an asshole,
Starting point is 02:02:44 then you kind of just gotta let it go. You should be able to just say what you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean up. Okay, if you're trying to make a joke and you're not trying to be an asshole, then you kind of just got to let it go. You should be able to just say what you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, like, did you find yourself, like, pulling back or did you just let it rip? I always just have to let it rip. Yeah, me too. Because, I mean. It's like I can't.
Starting point is 02:02:57 Yeah. And also, it's a lot of the tough stuff I've been through in my life. I write all about a lot of different things in my book where making jokes about it is the only way to really go through it. That's the other thing, too. I think people who've gone through some real shit are like, this is not that big of a deal. You know, it is a big deal like this. And if you're lucky enough that you haven't had that happen, you're lucky enough to get upset about something as insignificant as a stand-up comedian on stage. Absolutely.
Starting point is 02:03:30 And the thing is, maybe one day you you are gonna go through some real shit and there could be a joke out there that could help you but you've made people too afraid to make jokes about it right i mean well it takes a certain type of person i mean i think everybody here just by nature of being here are the type of people to laugh at the most fucked up stuff. But if you're not one of those, people probably think we're crazy. I'd already been through some fucked up stuff by the time I started working here. I mean, I had like a really rough six months. I write about this too,
Starting point is 02:03:56 where my mom died, then my grandma died, and the guy that I thought I was going to marry broke up with me. He broke up with me in front of my father at Coney Island. Like, the beach in New York. Wait, wait, wait, hang on. Okay.
Starting point is 02:04:08 Mom has just died. Grandma just died. You're at Coney Island with your boyfriend and your dad. Yeah, so my dad's there. My boyfriend comes later. And he broke up with me. And it was over some stuff that had happened before. So this was a first-degree breakup.
Starting point is 02:04:21 Like, he wasn't like some shit went down at the beach. And he was like, I'm done. He went down at the beach and he was like i'm done right he knew he was done and he came there and then he's like my dad went to go get another round of margaritas he broke up with me my dad came back and i'm like was he still there wait oh yeah fuck yeah yeah wait this was a week after mom died no it was the same six months about six months but grandma died oh those must have been a tough five months for him he was just waiting until he was out. He was like, I gotta give it six.
Starting point is 02:04:47 That's the thing. And then he comes back. My dad comes back with drinks. And he's like, what happened? And I was like, he doesn't want to be. And he stayed for that? He stayed. And he was explaining to my dad.
Starting point is 02:04:56 He's like, look, her moods are all over the place. She's not really eating. I think she needs mental health. My dad's like, her mom did just die. Like a minute ago. His alarm goes off and he had sent an event. Like, you can break up with Kat now. It's been six months to the minute. But he also stayed
Starting point is 02:05:14 at the beach with us the rest of the day. Wait, what? He stayed, he sat next to me on the Ferris wheel and he stayed there the whole rest of the day. Bro, this is madness. Yeah, and I was like, please don't break. Like, stop. He took the train back with us.
Starting point is 02:05:27 Shut the fuck up. No. How many hours was this man with you after breaking up? Like six or seven hours. No. No. Yeah, yeah. And then, but he truly broke up?
Starting point is 02:05:41 Like, there wasn't, like, a get back together? Oh, no, we didn't truly break up. I mean, we kept hooking up. Yeah, right, right, right. And then there was a true breakup. That was the conversation in his head where he's like, if I stick around six hours, I could probably get three months of severance pay out of this. But then my dad obviously hated him.
Starting point is 02:05:58 My dad was like, who makes this decision? I mean, he must have really been at his wits end or something because to break up with someone in front of their father is borderline suicidal. You don't know how someone's dad might fucking react. I would audible from a breakup to a proposal. Yeah, for real. I'd be like, fuck this. If I was like, all right, today I'm doing it, and then you were like,
Starting point is 02:06:15 hey, I decided to bring my dad along, I'd be like, get down on one knee. I'll ask for his permission. And not just anyone's dad, but this man who's, you just watched him watch his wife die. We went through some serious shit together, and anyone's dad, but this man who's – you just watched him watch his wife die. Like, we went through some serious shit together. And he's like, I was obviously really upset. But then three days later, I got hired at Fox. And, you know. I mean, that –
Starting point is 02:06:33 My life changed. Big time. I mean, I like how you do Fox, too. Like, I mean, everybody has their opinions politically or whatever. And there's obviously the extremes. But I feel like you and Gutfeld and that show, like, kind of does it in a way where we know where you like where you lie but it's not belaboring the point and it's not totally over the top and shit like that no i mean i'm i'm not i'm independent right i'm not really right wing i'm very like socially liberal i'm a libertarian right so i mean it's exhausting
Starting point is 02:07:00 when people are like oh fox like oh you work at fox so i know exactly i'm sure you are dude i i feel like that if you just like make an oh, you work at Fox, so I know exactly who you are. Dude, I feel like that if you just like make an appearance or you associate with them. I mean, working there has got to be... Yeah, and it's crazy. If I'm at a party and people ask me what I do
Starting point is 02:07:12 and like they don't know, I'd just be like, porn. It's way less controversial than saying I work at Fox. I'm like, I'm in pornography? I fuck on camera for money. Yeah, I fuck on camera for money. Yeah, I fuck on camera for money. Oh, great, great.
Starting point is 02:07:25 You said Fox News, like, burn your head to the stake. By the way, to be clear, if you do porn, that's great for you too. Everybody's an individual. Right. And there's a lot of people
Starting point is 02:07:34 at Fox that work there that aren't, you know, everybody's different. I did that with Barstool. I was going to say, Barstool and Fox are similar. I guess Barstool, Fox, and I guess the major news outlets
Starting point is 02:07:44 in Barstool are similar in the sense of like of if you – apparently everybody is the same under this huge umbrella. There's got to be thousands of people who work at Fox and CNN, and now at Barcelona, we're up to 10 million here. Not that I'm worried about people getting upset about it. It's just like I work in media, and then – There's a follow-up. It has almost become like I went to school in Boston. At Harvard.
Starting point is 02:08:08 Well, not outside Boston. I work for a sports company, like a media company. They're like, what kind? I'm like, it's like sports media, podcasts. What is it? Barstool. And it's not for a reason. I'm not concerned that they'll have some opinion of it.
Starting point is 02:08:20 I don't know. I feel weird saying it. It can go either way too. It's like sometimes even if you're going to hate it gonna hate it if you're gonna love it sometimes i'm just like i don't wanna i don't deal with either of that you know what i mean there is no positive to telling someone what you do they're like right they're gonna bother you about it or they're gonna be interested in it right like oh no now i gotta answer questions about like who what's this person like behind the scenes being nice to someone who likes you and you're like, oh no,
Starting point is 02:08:45 this isn't what I want. That'd be someone who I hate. In my image, in my head, I'm talking to someone a lot cooler than you when I'm talking.
Starting point is 02:08:53 Yeah, it's exactly like the people are always like, so what's Tucker Carlson like? I'm like, you understand he's not just walking around the building.
Starting point is 02:09:00 Right, we can hang out all the time. I don't really interact with him very much at all. Right. When you started getting down with Gutfeld, was he already – I feel like he's always had a successful thing, but in recent – like last year, two years, whatever, it just exploded. Is that accurate or no? Because at this point, I feel like I heard it was the number one late night show in the world or based on certain metrics or whatever.
Starting point is 02:09:25 Yeah, no, so definitely. But when I first met him, I did Red Eye because he did that show. Red Eye at 3 in the morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my life was like a disaster the first time I did Red Eye. I mean, like I lived in East Harlem. I had like no hot water and I took a cold shower. I had a bad mouse problem.
Starting point is 02:09:43 It was really bad. I went there. Did we come home and you'd be loud to scare them? Bang, bang, bang, bang. I was on crutches for a while. Jesus Christ. Was there a walk-off?
Starting point is 02:09:52 No, there was elevators but they barely worked. Humans would shit in our stairwell. It was really bad. I was going around crutches and I used to be going up on the subway i don't have like taxi money yeah and there would be this guy that would wait for me to get off work and he'd sit there and he'd level his face with my ass as i was going up the stairs
Starting point is 02:10:15 on the crutches and be like go as slow as you want goes and i'm just like crying like why am i doing this like what am i doing why am i here but i did red what am I doing? Like, why am I here? But I did Red Eye. We hit it off. And then he was starting the new show, Gutfeld, like, once a week. And so I had some auditions for that. I was super nervous. But then we, like, 2021, I think it was. Yeah. So, yeah, you were there from the jump.
Starting point is 02:10:39 Yeah, I was there from the jump. That is sick. I feel like Red Eye is a good barometer. Like, if you've made an appearance on red eye i'm probably gonna like you yeah i mean like there's been i don't know if that i gotta see the list of everybody but a lot of times when i've seen people who are like who would who go through there it's like yeah that makes sense you know people who don't give a fuck one way or the other they just want to make like funny jokes want to talk a little bit it's it's got a
Starting point is 02:11:03 good list i think but uh but god damn has it fucking blew bit it it's it's got a good list i think but uh but god damn has it fucking blew up yeah it's it's been absolutely crazy and again i think it's it's super fun because it's like we have different people we've had mary ann williamson on the show i mean we've had but we've also she's the she's the the she ran for president right she's yeah that mary and williams we've had her on the show But we've also had Roseanne on the show Right We've also had So it's not like
Starting point is 02:11:28 You can know everything How was Roseanne? She cool? She was Like you get Everything that came Out of her mouth Was funny
Starting point is 02:11:33 Yeah You know Again I didn't hang out With her after But like Everything that came Out of her mouth
Starting point is 02:11:38 Was funny For someone who is Such like an icon In the field I couldn't tell I've never seen the show I've never seen You stand up
Starting point is 02:11:44 I've never seen Anything about Roseanne The show was I've never seen a new stand-up. I've never seen anything about Roseanne. The show was fucking monster. I'm probably three years too late. Yeah, I was going to say, you might be a little too young for it, but whenever people talk about the biggest shows of all time
Starting point is 02:11:58 and most influential shows and stuff, I don't think it's really ever mentioned, and it was for sure one of those. Well, it's still. Isn't the sequel still on, right yeah well so yeah the conners was like the the reboot and then but then she was not a part of it because yeah i write about that my book too it's just so crazy how like what one tweet or one thing and again she was tweeting a lot of stuff and yeah but her whole life changed and a lot of people it's just one thing that you
Starting point is 02:12:25 can say even if it's not like someone like she's tweeted a few things you can say one thing and the way social media is is people see the one thing and they're like now i know everything there is to need to know i need to know about this person and that's never true not even sometimes that like sometimes they don't even know the thing no they don't even know there are definitely people who will go after cancel whatever you want to call it and not know why they're just like well you know my mob and my my crew of friends are doing it like so am i too that and then you find out like oh wait a minute that's what we're doing that wasn't even that bad or whatever you know the the kelly keegs and i i've been working on getting off the grid very slowly for a few months now and that i think one of the
Starting point is 02:13:03 one of the main inspirations for it was that keegs tweet that you quote tweeted whereas like some tiktok she had about fucking some shit i don't care about that people had strong opinions about that i don't care about and then she like tweeted the the metrics of it and it was like a tiktok that was going oh yeah yeah yeah and it was like yeah i know what it was it was uh just recently How they're changing the lyrics To Little Mermaid No You guys No
Starting point is 02:13:27 No No I'm not having it I'm not doing it I refuse I refuse to accept A change in any lyrics In any of the Little Mermaid
Starting point is 02:13:35 I won't I won't accept it And Cause kiss the girl Is like implying Like just kiss her without consent Right And so they needed to fix that
Starting point is 02:13:42 I guess I didn't hear that in the song So Kelly Who works here Was like I You know fuck that like i love little mermaid i grew up on it it's legendary the song's iconic you don't need to change anything and the the tiktok generation was going after her but the metric showed her video was like you know i don't know two minutes long let's say where she was talking about and the drop-off was like after like three seconds like nobody was even watching no listening to what she said and they were like fuck you you boomer blah blah blah blah like you don't even know boomers but when somebody said they get they get real yo if you're if you're like 28 and older and you're
Starting point is 02:14:23 arguing with like a TikTok crowd, they'll be like, yo, plan your funeral today. But they're also like, why are you arguing with a 20-year-old? Shut the fuck up and go raise a family. You're right. That's happened to me so many times where somebody will take a little clip
Starting point is 02:14:36 of something I said and post it saying that I said something else. Like I was at, this was a couple years ago, I was just like out to brunch with my husband and everyone on social media was calling me like a pedophile and i was like what like what what happened that's the best you open it up what happened and there had been i was talking about that was like some like matt gate stuff was going on but it was it turned into a larger conversation
Starting point is 02:14:58 about sex work where that was what we were talking about and i'm like decriminalized sex work i'm very pro-ho and like i'm I'm a libertarian, whatever. Someone took a little bit and was like, oh, Katz timps as you're a Puritan if you don't think it's okay to sleep with underage girls. And I'm like, we weren't even talking about underage anyone in the entire segment. No, it's crazy.
Starting point is 02:15:15 And I'm like, can you rewatch this? And people are like, oh, sorry, but they've already gotten pissed. But you know what? I've also found, I mean, to some extent, I think you gotta have a little bit of thick skin and just let some people, let the baby cry i think that the person's reaction also dictates a lot of how much fanfare there's gonna be because there's been a few things recently where in years gone by i
Starting point is 02:15:37 would have quote tweeted with it with evidence of the opposite and what about this and what about that and i just didn't and then it just like just fizzles out you know what i mean so it's like they want they need like the pushback and then they're like we got them almost like let's keep going and then it keeps building and then you get more people in and then they dig up more dirt and it's like if you just said shut up the first time but i also i go back and forth because then there are times where i'm like i don't care about that i want to yell back because like fuck these people i know it's never worth it but sometimes it's never worth it.
Starting point is 02:16:05 But sometimes I got it. Yeah. Because I've, it's getting increasingly less worth it though. Like, I don't know if it's because I'm getting older, but I'm just tired. I think I just hate the internet in general now. I think it's just to the point where it's ruined every single thing I like, whatever it is. I'm like, it's, it's not worth it anymore.
Starting point is 02:16:21 Whereas I used to be like, it was worth it. I liked it. I liked dunking on that person or proving them wrong now i just i can't anymore yeah i can't either there was a lot of dunking too the dunking that i used to do back in my um dunk contest days like i would be dunking on people who were just taking like what i said correctly like like they didn't know who I was. Right, right. And I was being sarcastic, but they were just reading it at face value.
Starting point is 02:16:48 Sure. What are you, a fucking idiot? You read words and took them at their literal meanings. But who are these people, though? I just feel like, who are these people? Well, that's the other thing. Like who am I even arguing with? I've seen stuff where I've been like, I don't like that.
Starting point is 02:17:00 And I'm not like, okay, I'm going to log on. I'm going to get this account, and I'm going to tell them to go fuck themselves. No, that is the inherent difference they're like i mean we're as as everyone's got on the internet you realize that there's just like everything's on a spectrum right of all walks of life everybody can be all sorts of every you know you can't put anybody in a box i think you can definitively say are you a person who sees something and like feels the need to create a username and comment on why you don't like it and try to change it? Or you just go, I don't know.
Starting point is 02:17:31 I don't like that. To me, that's like there's black or white. You either do that or you don't. No one's ever like, well, I used to and then I don't. You know what I mean? You're either fucking – you go crazy about that stuff or you don't care. I mean I obviously think not caring is the way to be. But I don't know.
Starting point is 02:17:43 I guess those people live in their life that way. I don't care. I mean, I obviously think not caring is the way to be, but I don't know. I guess those people live in their life that way. I don't know. Yeah, I think the internet raised a good point that the argument for the internet when it first started was give everyone a voice. I think we've reached the point where we didn't need that. No. Everyone should have a voice. No, no. How many people do you think
Starting point is 02:18:01 deserve voices? 10? 12? The whole world? I think everyone deserves a voice. Oh, come on. Get her out of here! What about that dude checking out your butt in the crutches? He doesn't deserve a voice. What's his take?
Starting point is 02:18:13 You should literally take that man's voice away. I would be shocked if he was still alive. I would be shocked. Because he looked like he was right on the line at the time. And this was a long time ago but I think the problem is not enough people are actually talking it's people just lobbing grenades
Starting point is 02:18:31 at each other and I think that actually if we all were more honest and more open then we could actually understand each other but there's a lot of listening that's involved in that too like you're asking way too much of people and it's it's you really are it's crazy but you really are because you're just it's just you know we're not designed to like talk to this many
Starting point is 02:18:53 people at once and give all this feedback and receive feedback you know it's just like ordinarily you should just be talking with like you know your couple family members and a couple friends and instead you're arguing with like hundreds of people simultaneously on the internet well there's a difference in terms of like why you're talking too i mean there's people who are talking so like hey this i think this is an important thing to say or even like hey my feelings are hurt it goes both ways you can be an asshole if you're saying something as an asshole like fuck you go kill yourself or whatever you're a whore or whatever stuff people say to me or the other side can be an asshole too the other fuck you, go kill yourself or whatever, you're a whore or whatever stuff people say to me. Or the other side can be an asshole too.
Starting point is 02:19:28 If you're someone who's like, you can't say that, you should be fired. You're an asshole then too. I mean, everybody. It's just, you just care about whether your side is winning or losing. Because it's like, you know, you complain,
Starting point is 02:19:44 people say like, oh, you know, cancel culture is terrible. But the minute that they can cancel someone that they don't like, they're trying to get them, you know, get rid of them too. It's like, you know, if you, everyone's a fucking asshole. Yeah, I just think it's too important because again, like all the tough stuff I've been through, I've needed to laugh at it.
Starting point is 02:20:01 I need to talk openly about it. Something that's in this book that people are going to find out about when it comes out tomorrow I had a shit bag for five weeks I had an emergency ostomy surgery I saw an ostomy bag and I was like
Starting point is 02:20:17 I feel like I know what that is no I never talked about it and I almost died and as I was getting wheeled into surgery I'm fine now I was one of the.00 I'm fine now it just like I was just we don't know I was one of like
Starting point is 02:20:27 the.001% where I had a perforated bowel it was only five weeks I say that like it wasn't like the most traumatic experience I was going to say five weeks
Starting point is 02:20:34 it was so bad it was only leaking but as I was getting wheeled into surgery I was like how am I going to talk to people about this and not like
Starting point is 02:20:44 oh I hope I don't die on the table because people get weird when you say something like when i say that to people you guys are like laughing that's cool because it is kind of funny yeah rather than people like like it's like okay i already feel weird that this is going on and then when i got it reversed there was some like complications a lot of blood i won't get too graphic but guess what day that was 9-11 January 6th the the the January 6th and like that's a pretty good alibi
Starting point is 02:21:10 yeah I was all I was all alone too because like everyone at Fox was there no no not me actually
Starting point is 02:21:17 I was in the and then Keith is over there with me Keith was with me because I had like two hours of visitors a day and like two visitors because of COVID
Starting point is 02:21:23 so I'm just like sitting there I'm like Dilaudid in my arm and I'm like watching this stuff and I'm like, what is going on? Dilaudid might be worth having a bag of shit for five weeks. That's the two ways I got through it was Ivy Dilaudid and laughter. Yeah, because even like I never talked about it in this book. I'm like, I'm gonna write a whole chapter about it. It's gross.
Starting point is 02:21:42 But like every time I see people talk about January 6th, that's the only thing i think yeah for real you have your own your own insurrection your own nightmare whenever i see adam kissinger cry i'm like i bet i i get it january 6th bad i get it but mine was worse i guarantee it it was the darkest day in our nation's history you goddamn. And also my history. Dude, I just randomly opened this up, though. This, talking about Will Smith's laughing Chris Rock. Yeah. I mean, this was like, you know, you did this.
Starting point is 02:22:15 When did you stop writing this? So I stopped. So it took me about four months to write it. And I started it when it invaded Ukraine is when I started it. So it was pretty recent. And you wrote it all? I wrote every single word. Every word? Oh, lookbag yeah chapter five don't eat if you want to read it and if you think it's gross imagine living it but yeah the will smith thing to me was more like about the whole we can't be surprised about that when people are running around saying
Starting point is 02:22:40 words are violence all the time because if words are violence then violence isn't isn't appropriate response to violence. And that's not a progressive thing. That's how cavemen behave. That's how people behave in the Old West. Where they're like, oh, you said something bad about my mama. Now I'm going to shoot you in the face. We're going to duel to the yard.
Starting point is 02:22:55 That's not progressive. That's a Neanderthal behavior. That's very true. I used to have a roommate in college who was much smarter than me. And whenever we'd get in arguments, I'd just fight him and uh whenever we get in arguments i just fight him and so you punched him in the face he'd be like he'd be like you just always you always turn to violence but yeah i'm stronger than you you're smarter than me i'm going to my i'm using my tools yeah who's smart now but at least you're honestly at least you're honest about that
Starting point is 02:23:19 you know i mean at least you're honest about that. I mean, it's not a compassionate view. It's like you're just telling people to shut up. So just say that. It's okay to have feelings. I'm an emotional person. But it's not okay to have the expectation that the entire world is going to revolve around your feelings. Then you're like a selfish asshole. And that's who all of these people are. Which, again, a lot of people use the word snowflake.
Starting point is 02:23:42 It's like if you're writing me a six-par six paragraph email because my skirt was too short on the show like bernice you might also be a snowflake i can't even fathom how much time you have to have in the day to do that i mean if you have any sort of responsibilities at all. Where are you taking up the time to write a fucking five page letter to some random girl about her dress?
Starting point is 02:24:09 Well, I think she was probably retired. Yeah, I guess that's the thing. Yeah, her name's Bernice. Yeah, that's true. Or their friend like Agatha. Yeah, there's like a lot of grand...
Starting point is 02:24:17 Like people think people on Twitter are like grandmas in Facebook. They're the meanest. Some of your grandmas are the meanest people oh like my grandma horrible people your grandma's probably dead dead of being mean
Starting point is 02:24:30 jada pinkett smith and she's out now have you seen uh jermaine dupree uh and uncle luke two guys in the rap game are making a documentary documentary about Freak Nick, which is like for like I think like the entire decade of the 90s. You would go to Spring Break in Atlanta. And it was just like it was like Black Spring Break, really. But it was fucking wild. It was like Girls Gone Wild type shit. And I guess they have a bunch of footage from it. I don't know how it works with like finding it and clearing it and publishing it but there is a lot
Starting point is 02:25:06 of like older women on like facebook and shit putting out videos being like so your girl was at freak nick in 1997 and like just know that you know i used to be a little bit different than i am now and like all this shit because it's like what if all of a sudden you see grandma out on fucking twerking on the street in atlanta you know i would be i'd be happy for her i feel like you look like she looks like she's having a good time yeah i mean it's very rarely is it ever that serious for real i mean god just let people be freak next geez i uh i think there should be an age minimum and age max age limit for the internet i think that would help a lot. Same thing with driving. I think it's kind of crazy that 16-year-olds drive. Sometimes I'm like, that's wild.
Starting point is 02:25:51 I'm not sure I believe in driver's licenses. Period? You think everyone should be able to drive? Dude, because... I wholeheartedly disagree. I know this is a take, but I have a driver's license. Good for you. But I don't know that I should.
Starting point is 02:26:07 Oh, okay. All right. That direction. I passed this test back when I was 16. So you're saying it should be harder. No, I'm saying it's like, I don't think a driver's license proves either way. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 02:26:18 If you can drive, then drive. That is, yes. But like, remembering during COVID when they just gave everyone in Georgia, everyone got passed? Yeah. And then they tried to take it back? Yeah, they can't. That was great.
Starting point is 02:26:31 No, no, wait, never mind. This is not a bad, this is a bad idea. Everyone bring back your licenses. Yeah, I'm sure the 16 year old kids are going to be doing that. But I think, I mean, the fact that the vast majority of people, almost like, I'm talking like 100% really, right, when you turn 16, are allowed to drive machines that are thousands of pounds just at very high speeds. Crazy.
Starting point is 02:26:55 I was like, I'm an adult. This is crazy. I have to wait this long. And now that I see it, I'm like... You're a fucking child. Yeah, it is. And also, everyone does get them too easy. Because I think people, the people who a fucking child. Yeah, it is. And also, everyone does get them too easy. Because I think people,
Starting point is 02:27:05 the people who do the tests don't really care. Mine, I never left a Chili's parking lot. What happens in your life that you become a driver's driver? A couple DUIs. You know what a driver's test, driving test, whatever it's called, should be
Starting point is 02:27:21 a test. I had to get a tutor. Like, I sucked. In New York, you have to do a five hour program it's called you have to do your five hour do you have that i had to go to school okay yeah i don't know how long so i think i think we went like i think you could either go like you wait till you're 18 one hour sessions or one five hour session or whatever the fuck it was yeah i don't remember exactly but it was that sucked it was so stupid but what if they were like all right we're gonna take you on the highway you gotta be going like 80 miles an hour we're gonna like throw some shit at you you gotta prove you can drive because driving around
Starting point is 02:27:50 the parking lot of chili's is not gonna prove a goddamn thing i got in like a blowout fight with the next girlfriend once because she was she was driving and we were looking for a parking spot and we kept driving by parking spots and there was like street parking and i was at a spot and i was being a dick why weren't you driving yeah why are you why do you think i was drunk i haven't driven in like nine years so i have this cat that i've had forever he's like 13 years old and he's got like all these health issues so he can't fly because his heart will blow up and i like won't let him die wait wait cats can't fly on an airplane you are burying the lead that was maybe the dumbest thing we've ever done but you said it in such a way i don't know why
Starting point is 02:28:36 looked at me at face i was like you know airplanes okay like you've been on them before but i so i i my husband it's like i always we have to spend christmas at my dad's house but also we can't fly because the cat has health issues and he needs special care so we have to drive to detroit from new york every year and by the way i'm not gonna help drive so we're going to my family's house i was like she was driving That would never fly with me That would never That's why we like all this Are you like you physically can't do it? Like you're
Starting point is 02:29:09 Like you're nervous I'm gonna need to take lessons again Or something Cause it's just been too long I used to do it But it's been like But when you used to do it Were you okay?
Starting point is 02:29:15 Or no? Well I mean like how many accidents How many accidents is too many? What would you say is a lot of accidents? I would say any Like a legit accident Not just like fender benders.
Starting point is 02:29:25 See, the thing is, I never really ran into another car. You just hit things. Poles. Yeah, like, okay, so there's a garage. Buildings. When I was, like, a teenager, my mom would never let me drive the car, and I was gotten in a big fight because I wanted to go to the library and burn CDs. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 02:29:39 And I got in this huge fight, and then as I was pulling back, I misjudged. And I ran into the house, like the garage. I totally miscalculated. So yeah, I've never been good at it. Also, how many accidents? So that one... I actually think it's better.
Starting point is 02:29:56 I think bumping into things is better than fucking hitting other cars. So I think you're... Yeah, Bills, Bills, Bills came on the radio once. And I drove up on a curb. As one does. That was one of my favorites. You're fucking having a time in the car. I was like, let's call it, I was like, how old were you?
Starting point is 02:30:12 I was going to say I was 14. I was a little older then. And that was, I became aware. I was like, Destiny's Child went borderline back-to-back. I don't know if it was exactly. It was like Independent Woman, Bills, Bills, Bills. Independent Woman to Bills, Bills, Bills. I was like, oh, they'll just say anything. Okay.'t know if it was exactly. It was like independent woman, bills, bills, bills. Independent woman, bills, bills, bills. I was like,
Starting point is 02:30:25 oh, they'll just say anything. Okay. This is how it works. Okay, it doesn't matter. Just say things. Absolutely. That song was great when you think about it.
Starting point is 02:30:36 The hook is literally, can you pay this bill? Can you pay that bill? It's fucking great. And then I hit another thing. I never hit another vehicle. I think, have you hit a human?
Starting point is 02:30:44 No. Or an animal. So just inanimate objects. But again, it's like great and then I hit another thing I never hit another vehicle I think have you hit a human? no you're good or an animal so just inanimate objects but again it's like I mean I wouldn't want to be a telephone pole near cat timph
Starting point is 02:30:51 but otherwise you're good no but my husband drives he you know when did you get married? I got married in the pandemic I got married it'll be two years did you
Starting point is 02:30:59 were you dating him for a long time or no? yeah we were dating for a couple years I mean I was prior to the pandemic? yeah I didn't even want a boyfriend like when we met him like i i just was very it always happened i didn't want like i was like i'm good like i was dating well few i had my roster basically
Starting point is 02:31:14 i had all the attention i needed and i met him and he was not my type because he was like really he's like a good like man with a good job from a good family. I'm just kidding. No, he was in the military. He's an investment banker. He played... Okay, so Kat's good and bad. I didn't want to go out with him. Well, I didn't want to go out with him.
Starting point is 02:31:39 My sister convinced me. I met him on Raya. My sister convinced me. Fuck Raya. My sister convinced me she liked his profile. He was wearing a fucking lacrosse sweatshirt. Oh, yeah. No. Lacrosse is not a sport. It's not.
Starting point is 02:31:49 It's not a sport. It's not. I don't care. It's an arena of people masturbating to how rich their family is. Because think about it. Sport, to me, is like capitalism. You can make money if you reach the highest level of the sport. You reach the highest level of lacrosse you still
Starting point is 02:32:05 you're still in the hole with all the money we got a guy here here here who's a professional lacrosse player and he's also you know filming us so that says everything my husband played d1 lacrosse he played lacrosse at west point yeah and i also just tell him all the time like thank you for your service. But yeah, it's not a sport. So he, yeah, good, like clean cut man. Great job. Great family.
Starting point is 02:32:32 Army veteran. And like, I went out with him once. I was like, I don't really know. I canceled two dates on him. Wow. Third date. My sister was like, go out with him again. Like what, what actually are you doing? Cause I had all these... I just liked losers.
Starting point is 02:32:45 I dated a lot of losers. What is it about that you think? I don't know. I mean, there's this one guy that I just couldn't get rid of. He actually was squatting in my apartment. Okay, so if they're not physically just making themselves heavy, if it's not that, what do you think it is that makes... And you're going to
Starting point is 02:33:05 speak for all women here because yeah that's how this works you are a woman um what does why do you think that happens um is it sex is it fun is it sometimes sometimes toxic sex is like the best sex if you and i know there's plenty of guys that are doing that for sure i know that's the reason why guys are with toxic toxic women but does it go both ways? It does, definitely. If you and somebody hate – if you're blocking and unblocking each other all the time, then you're having really good sex. Right. But also I think it was just – I didn't really – you couldn't really hurt me that bad if you sucked. I'd be like, okay, I don't need to take this that seriously.
Starting point is 02:33:40 I don't think I was ready. I don't need to take you that seriously because you're a joke. I can be dating other people. You're not a real human. I don't really care. ready. I need to take you that seriously because you're a joke. I can be dating other people. You're not a real human. I don't really care. You're a subhuman asshole. But also I just always really liked people who were comedians or people who were – Well, so that's what I was going to say.
Starting point is 02:33:55 Is there a little more fun to it? Are those guys sometimes like maybe they're not as financially secure or whatever, but they do something cool or they're hanging out in the spots you want to hang out in? Yeah, and I also really liked the look. I mean I dated guys who were tatted. financially secure or whatever, but they do something cool or they're hanging out in the spots you want to hang out in. Yeah. And I also really liked like the look. I mean, I dated guys like who were tatted. I dated, I mean, I dated people who were also more successful like in music or, you know, comedy.
Starting point is 02:34:14 But I, we were too much alike doing the same thing. Like my husband, like he'll just listen to me talk about myself all day. Like he, like all the attention he likes the attention being on me and he sits there and does his little charts and graphs or whatever the investment makers do i don't really know it's like he has a headset and like he has the charts and the models and there's q1 and q3 and q2 and q4 as far as i know you're practically an investment banker as far as i'm concerned i'm always like like babe Howard the model and I just like mock him for it but you know it's like
Starting point is 02:34:48 and then he pays for everything I make money but we're completely opposite are you the breadwinner we both make money so you're just balling out I mean yeah we got no kids if you don't have kids you don't even really need to have that high paying job
Starting point is 02:35:04 and you're a baller. I realized that. I remember thinking because I had kids when I was like 31, I guess, and I wasn't really making a ton of money. I was doing fine, but I was like, oh, my God. If I didn't have kids, we could do whatever we want within reason. You're not going to buy mansions and cars and shit, but you don't have kids and like both of you are making money it's like go on whatever trips you want you can buy whatever little things you want it's just it's it's almost like being rich it's the opposite too so i'm like okay like i think i'm gonna do the baby thing at some point and like i don't know
Starting point is 02:35:39 like i because i haven't tried it yet my My sister's like, that's a horrible reason. People have worse reasons. Well, it's not something you really get to try. I'm like, no, because I know. You either do or do not. It's not fun. But I've done everything else. I've done everything else,
Starting point is 02:35:52 so I'll be a mom. Let's do that. Well, I don't know. People have had kids for worse reasons. People are like, I went to spring break and I got fucked up.
Starting point is 02:36:00 Totally. My mom had my brother because she wanted to get rid of her acne. Because when you get pregnant, it helps your acne. Man. She got knocked up for it. So I'm fine.
Starting point is 02:36:12 That's why they invented, what was the acne? Accutane. Accutane. They were like, you can either get pregnant or have suicidal thoughts for the rest of your life. Guess what? I'll do the second one. Guess what? Both ways you're going to have suicidal thoughts.
Starting point is 02:36:24 Yeah. You know, yeah, give it a go. If you don't like it, you can just send it back, right? That's how that works. I mean, if you don't like it... You know what you should do is publicly get an abortion. That'll go over well. Oh, yeah, exactly. That tip on Fox News.
Starting point is 02:36:40 Post-abortion. That'll be the lower third. Just got an abortion. No. I just feel like, okay i'm 34 uh and you know i mean like biological clock sucks i was just talking about it last week on an episode with a girl who works here uh and it's just like it's the one thing that's still everything else is so modern and everything's like all good we let you guys vote and work and all that shit uh but yeah the
Starting point is 02:37:05 biological clock clock still fucks you oh we already froze embryos yeah i've never talked like i've never talked about this before but like wait so embryos means fertilized i walked into my i wanted to walk into like my 33rd birthday right i mean like i've got kids on i was gonna say this just in cat tim has children she froze them just frozen children in a fucking well because you know my brother was like
Starting point is 02:37:28 I love how as soon as you made money the first thing you did was like you're gonna be able I want to approach this like a man I don't have to worry about it
Starting point is 02:37:35 how many do you freeze how many do you get I got nine of them six boys and three girls oh and you even already know that yeah
Starting point is 02:37:41 it's crazy it's crazy and then how much did you sell one for that's a great question and then you sell one for you would probably make a lot like with him and yeah like both you like your resumes and shit and looks i'm assuming he's a good looking dude he's probably calls you up oh i would i would do it for the tea i would love to be invited to that christmas party you're gonna have one of my kids like absolutely i mean i i just kanye is gonna raise it though oh yeah whatever it's not yours it's
Starting point is 02:38:13 hers now she bought it she bought answer the deed you know i'm still at the christmas party though but i still get all the okay so let's say um so you you you do a lot like that in case they don't take or whatever, how we would describe it. Yeah, I mean – But what if, let's say, you want to say – let's say you want to have three kids. Okay. What do you want to have? One? I want one.
Starting point is 02:38:35 He says you need to have two. Okay. So let's say you have one, two, whatever. And let's say you get lucky. Everything goes good. You have two kids. And then what do you do with those other seven numbers? Or I just get knocked out the sex way.
Starting point is 02:38:43 Oh, right. So you might even – and then what do you do those other seven numbers the sex way oh right yeah you might even and then you have nine for nothing so then do you really do you can you sell well here's the thing is this like human trafficking or is it like then you can you know i don't someone has like a you should give one to someone for christmas yo yo yo who wants to be in my uterus Yo there are nine winners At the end of six months We'll determine The nine baby mamas
Starting point is 02:39:09 Who get to take a kid From cat tip This would be I mean But you probably do Do something like that right Where it's like I don't know
Starting point is 02:39:16 Like a surrogate mom Or someone who can't Get pregnant But we can just Insert that Does that work I don't know Well they make you
Starting point is 02:39:22 Do all this paperwork Like in the case of What happens if you break up. Sure. They're mine. You're yours. That's such a bigger power move than marriage. I can get pregnant with your kid anytime I want.
Starting point is 02:39:35 You can't say anything about it. Technically, I'm sure it says it in the paperwork once it becomes alive that it's both of yours. I was like, no, no, no. I own that shit first. That was a big thing with um this is my we're happy we're not when her because she got divorced she's not married to joe man yeah yeah i remember that like her husband was like i want yeah she's like no and he's like no i want the 50 is right or no i don't know how that works i only i did one round
Starting point is 02:40:01 of it and like i got i wasn't expecting to get that many and and I don't want to... It's like a surgery, right? Yeah. Well, I actually went to work after my egg retrieval because I'm like psycho. No, but it's like people are like, how many did you get? Because I know a lot of people go IVF, they have fertility struggles and that kind of stuff, so I want to be like insensitive. Yeah. How many did you get?
Starting point is 02:40:15 And I'm like, nine. Because then you feel like an asshole. Right, right. But that's also why I went through it at a younger age, too. Because you're also doing it, though, out of like timing, right? Yeah. Because there's not a problem. So it's like you are going to be... But I had no idea, though, because of, like, timing, right? Yeah. There's not a problem. So it's like you are going to be.
Starting point is 02:40:25 But I had no idea, though, because I've been on birth control my entire life. So I just assumed I'm, like, scrawny. I mean, this is, I'm a padded bra. I've got no titties. Like, this doesn't hurt. This doesn't hurt, right? So I just, like, assumed I, like, wasn't, I was like, there's no way. And I'm like, oh, wow, apparently it's good that I've been on birth control.
Starting point is 02:40:44 Because I make babies. You would have a lot of fucking baby. I do think that, like, yeah, there's, we're probably seeing it now that, like, throwing kids on birth control from age, like, 11 through, like, you know, 30, whatever, when they want to have kids, probably not the best thing for your body. I wonder what I'm going to be like when I go off of it. Yeah, probably crazy. Like, and also, like, I've been on amphetamine since i
Starting point is 02:41:05 was five years old from adhd and add like and i'm i actually have really bad add like i couldn't function in a normal classroom setting yeah i know that this is shocking to you guys because you know me it's being so reserved and not at all impulsive and like very well behaved but i'm gonna have to go off of that and then you know so we'll see how that goes we've said that before that we are like hands down by far the most experimented on generation. Everything from medicine to social media, we'll see how this works with the human brain.
Starting point is 02:41:32 And I think they're going to rule the day. I think so. I think once we get a little bit older, they'll be like, we fucked that one up. They used to do shit like, you're sick, just cut them open and let them bleed for a while. There was some wacky shit that they did to those. A little bloodletting.
Starting point is 02:41:46 A little bloodletting for the boys. I got to sneeze. Time for a little bloodletting. It's going to make sense. Something wrong with your blood. Get that blood out. We'll get the new blood in. You're fine.
Starting point is 02:41:53 I also do the elliptical machine 20 minutes a day, three times a week. And I do an ab video and a butt video, 10-minute YouTube video every day. So I'm the pinnacle of health. For real. I mean, that's way more than I expected. So you good you got nine kids you're in shape you're making money and you got a fucking book you're a published author i am you're killing it man it is it is interesting that you chose us to come on to promote a book it's like you went on a blind show i'm sorry a deaf show from music yeah well i From music, yeah. Are you doing audiobooks?
Starting point is 02:42:25 I am. I narrate. Kevin's actually big on audiobooks. Yeah, I'll listen to it. Kevin listens to audiobooks and plays video games. There you go. I'm not shocked. No, I already knew that. You didn't even tell me that he plays video games. Like an illiterate idiot. He wasn't being mean. He was just
Starting point is 02:42:42 saying you're illiterate. Like he's some fucking learned man over here. I'm actually reading a book right now. It's called Finding Your Way in the Dark. I get scared telling people that because it's not a self-help book. It's a novel. How many pages in are you? I crossed the 100th threshold yesterday.
Starting point is 02:42:55 So I'm about done. It also is a little weird if you don't strike me as a reader when you're like, I'm actually reading a book right now. I knock out like three a year. that's a flex that's great you have to tell people three years if i read three books a year that's gotta have me in the one percent absolutely i think it does totally yeah bro you don't even understand how many people just fucking can't read a book and then even if you can the vast vast majority of people do not i would say i do it exclusively like in the warm months though because i'm like well i gotta at least get
Starting point is 02:43:30 a tan while i do this i'm not gonna sit inside it's probably a lot like the gym like you're gonna sell a fuck ton of these yeah and probably only like five percent will read it that's the thing i think a gym membership my book also it's you don't have to read it in order it's not like game of thrones you're gonna pick it up kid who lost. There's different chapters about different things. And also, I think I have something important to say. I think it's very relevant. I also share a lot of personal stories about myself, and people do have a voyeuristic interest in my life.
Starting point is 02:43:56 Kat's a wild one. Kat is a wild one. I hope that butt guy is still alive. I've been wondering about her. I don't think he's doing, you know, he wasn't doing, there's no way he's still alive. I bet you everybody
Starting point is 02:44:07 that was roaming those streets. You talk about it very certainly. He's dead, I assure you. I mentioned my husband's a Marine, I promise you.
Starting point is 02:44:15 In the Army, I promise you, he's dead. This is great. This is like the back fold or whatever. She's a co-host of Gutfeld,
Starting point is 02:44:22 Fox News contributor, worked on the National Review and Barstool Sports and was a stand-up comedian long enough for her to be this she was a stand-up comedian long enough for this to be her third time quitting yeah it's true it's true it's true but stand-up i mean the stand-up comedy stuff is i started doing that when i was really broke and living like a horrible life in los angeles and also being the worst waitress you've ever had yeah i wasn't good at it that's
Starting point is 02:44:44 why like i was the worst waitress because the add thing. Yeah, I wasn't good at it. That's why, like, I was the worst waitress because the ADD thing. I'd be like, I'd forget your ranch. I'd forget your whatever. And then instead of just saying, I'm sorry,
Starting point is 02:44:52 I'll be right back with that. You know what I would do? I'd be like, are you mad at me? No, I'd be like, are you mad at me? You know what, though? That's a great way
Starting point is 02:45:01 to bully someone back into the tip, though. No. You know what I mean? Like, the people who are, I can't even imagine not tipping because it's like something silly like that. But if, if a waitress says to me,
Starting point is 02:45:09 are you mad at me? You'd be like, well now if I don't tip, no, that's, I spilled a whole bottle of wine on someone. I was like, instead of getting paper towels,
Starting point is 02:45:15 I was like, are you mad at me? Like, I'm just placing myself firmly, firmly there. Like, like what, what if they are mad at me?
Starting point is 02:45:21 That's going to ruin the rest of our relationship. Like they're here to get food and drink for me. And I was so bad. Like I have – anybody who is waiting tables and like if I get bad service, I still tip huge. I'm like that was me. Like I actually – I'm so rough. Are you one of those people though who are like you don't know life if you haven't worked in the service industry? I wouldn't go that far.
Starting point is 02:45:43 But I definitely make fun of my husband like you never had like a minimum you never had to work a minimum wage job he's like babe i went to war what do you know about service you've never served anything other than the goddamn country i went to afghanistan and we were watching the movie waiting and he was like why are these people working in this restaurant they're like 20s, 20s. I was like, probably for money, like the woman you married did. My first job out of college was Boston Market. Like, I had a hustle. I feel like everyone who does that, whether, like, you, like, it's service industry or it's retail.
Starting point is 02:46:18 Retail. Teachers. And it's like, yeah, we all, like, 95% of people did these jobs. Right. But I think they're talking to a much broader audience. It was, like, that, like, you know, only 20% of people did these jobs. I think they're talking to a much broader audience. It was like that like only 20 percent of people worked those jobs. Like we all – yeah, I was a waiter. I was a bartender.
Starting point is 02:46:31 I was a barback. I worked retail. When I was a child, I grew up and got a real job. It's like, yeah, I did it. Some days it sucked. Some days it didn't suck. It was like – Yeah, there was other days.
Starting point is 02:46:41 Any job where you fucking – There were some days here I'm like, God, I wish I was a fucking bartender again. Absolutely. Or there were the times that somebody left a fat tip for you bringing out a jar of ranch. Like, who knows? Like, I'm buying drugs tonight. I was so excited. I was so excited to become a waitress because before that I was working at Boston Market.
Starting point is 02:46:59 And there's no tips. And people treat bathrooms differently when they know they're not going to be the ones cleaning it. And I had to clean these bathrooms. My my husband's like you don't clean a bathroom now and i'm like i know like i used to do it professionally though suck it yeah but i mean like it was rough and then so when i finally got new york right now i live in new i live in new york yeah i live in manhattan which it's you say right now does that mean you're leaving yeah i mean i can't because of my job right it's just so expensive and they film yeah we film here in new york it's just so expensive and like i'm not really like going out i'm not going out clubbing right right right yeah once
Starting point is 02:47:33 you don't do new york anymore it's really stupid to live here yeah but like i all my roots are here you know like i like me my family everything's here And it's like if I could just pick all you motherfuckers up and move to like Virginia, I don't know, where it's just like so goddamn cheap. But I don't know. It depends on where you are with that. So where would you go if you left New York? I don't know. Anywhere where, like, I don't know, like Texas maybe, Florida maybe. I mean, I just.
Starting point is 02:48:02 There it is. Fox News for you. The thing is, is just the taxes just kill me, man. It's like I struggle and I struggle and I struggle and I finally make money. They're like, we'll take half of that now and the whole city will still smell like piss. I get the idea of like when you start making money, that tax number becomes huge. But wouldn't it stand to reason that the people who are not doing well would like... Like the taxes still hurt them more just because they don't have any
Starting point is 02:48:25 fucking money see I don't believe in taxes either just like driver's licenses because it's stealing and it's not that I don't like I would give money to help people who need it I just don't think that the government is the best at spending it I agree with that but the problem is there's nobody like you you know very few people that would
Starting point is 02:48:41 actually willingly give up their money I think you should at least be able to pick like this goes here this goes here there's no transparency at all it's like the amount that I go to charities like you. Very few people that would actually willingly give up their money. I think you should at least be able to pick, like, this goes here, this goes here. There's no transparency at all. It's like the amount that I go and tax is... It's like donating to charities. You know that shit's not going to the right people. You walk around and it's disgusting. That's why I don't donate to charity anymore. That's, yeah. I do. I just... I'd rather...
Starting point is 02:48:58 Like, at Barstool, we've picked out individuals and donated money. I'll do that shit all day long. When you're giving it to a fucking huge, basically like a corporation... Totally and that's like another way of getting rich totally the government i mean like remember in the pandemic de blasio's wife was running like the homeless mental health thing i'm like where it was like where did that all go it seems to still be quite a problem i don't yeah for real what were you guys doing de blasio was the best he was so bad like eric adams is just blah you know he's not he's not doing anything good he's not like he's like i'm
Starting point is 02:49:32 famous now i'm on the national stage it's like either be really great and make the city amazing or i don't know be like de blasio and give me material for my show yeah he was fucking terrible it's just so that was the you know what that was the one thing that united everybody everybody everybody hate is the biggest motivator like you know bring you together of all time people fucking hated that guy that's true but he didn't know it he was like i need to run for office totally oblivious and that's that's what did he run for he ran for president he uh did he like his name. And who has it? And everyone was like, no. That was real quick.
Starting point is 02:50:08 That was done real quick. Did you do the Pompeo campaign? It's like I'm declaring for the NBA draft this year. No one's going to draft you, but okay. All right, good stuff, Kat. So you are now a published author. And Gutfeld is fucking right that way, babe. It's a great book. I'm actually a ride that way babe it's a great book i mean this i'm actually i'm very proud of it yeah it's a funny book i mean it's legit that you know writing
Starting point is 02:50:31 it on your own so many people do these things and it's all no yeah i wrote every collaborated rob gronkowski still has my favorite interview of all time about his book and someone said did you write it and he said i read it well, that's actually something people don't even do that. Oh, yeah, Gronk didn't read it. That was a lie, but he at least said, I read it. But I just, I mean, just in flipping open here, you know, it's just like, it's written, it's almost like our style of writing
Starting point is 02:50:55 where it's conversational and it's smart, but it's just, it's not like hoity-toity. It's easy to read. Yeah. So. Like, fuck, with 11 u's in it love it all right thank you so much it's out now it's out yeah yeah this will be out thursday so yeah exactly you can't joke about that why everything is funny nothing is secret and
Starting point is 02:51:21 we're all in this together yes love it great to be back guys សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� Thank you. Bye.

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