KFC Radio - Barstool Has Crossed A Line Yet Again With The Barstool Beast Jackets Ft. Kevin Heffernan and Kat Timpf
Episode Date: April 20, 2023Timecodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:06:54 John is the Bad Boy of Barstool Once Again 00:23:41 Michael Bolton is a Legend 00:35:04 Richard Jewell and Olympic gear 00:44:21 AITA - Anthony Bass kids popcorn sit...uation 00:56:06 Video Voicemails 01:07:47 Kevin Heffernan and Kat Timpf Interviews +++++++++++++++++++++++ Pirate Water: Go to https://barstool.link/drinkpiratewater to find pirate water in a location near you Sportsbook: Must be 21+ Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLERYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr
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Now you're getting fucking yelled at.
Now you got a spotlight on.
Next thing you know, you're going to have to have a morning show.
Next thing you know, wake up with Anthony Bass three times a week.
It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.
How young do you think you could pass for?
Who's the youngest you think you could pass for?
I don't know.
My brain's all skewed because I think – I still watch college.
I watch college sports.
I'm like, that dude was old.
Right.
Well, you just posed the question.
Would people look at me and say that –
if someone said, is that an adult, would they say yes or no?
I'm in a hoodie and a throwback shirt. That's's the thing i think they'd be like i don't think so
but you also just he had like adult weight yeah that's the thing your size your bulk your mass
does not say child or like not child but like kid yeah young but your look and you know the way you
fucking sit on the phone the way you eat 90 pounds of mangoes and all that shit.
If someone watched you live –
Eating 90 pounds of mangoes is the most adult thing I've ever seen.
That ain't adult.
That ain't adult.
But they would look at you and be like, this is like a college kid, the way you live.
The way I live.
But they know.
But looking at you, your beard, your your weight your face your you're weathered you're you know you you know the look
of like a a young fresh-faced college kid versus like a i've been through life you know i've been
through some things the last decade so but like you the reason i you this question has come up
is because a woman just asked me in the snack area,
whatever the fuck you call it.
Even the fact that I just called
the kitchen the snack area
means I'm...
Get your bag, get my snacks.
Like, she was like,
where do you keep the pots and pans?
What are you talking about?
I don't know what pots and pans are.
Then you asked,
was it a woman?
And I said, yes.
And I corrected,
it's a young woman.
I think you'd say,
I'm a young man.
I'm not a young man.
Yeah, just walk through.
Just walk through.
You don't be a young man.
I'm not a young man,
but I think my look is that.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's for certain.
Jackie, do your friends know how old we are?
Mm-hmm.
Why? I was going to ask you to ask them. How old do you know how old we are? No. Why?
I was going to ask you to ask them.
How old do you think Kevin and John are?
They don't know your exact ages.
It's not even close.
It's not even close.
It's just...
J6 Jackie at it again. I feel like I've been told within the last like year or so that I,
somebody thought I was like late twenties.
So you were late twenties?
Yeah.
See, I don't want people to think I'm late twenties.
But it's also like, I think I was at like a wedding or something.
So I probably had a suit on.
I was looking at my best.
I don't know. But I wonder, you don't want that? I don't want people to think I'm late. But it's also like, I think I was at like a wedding or something. So I probably had a suit on. I was looking at my best. I don't know.
But I wonder, you don't want that?
I don't think so.
Because I feel like if I, that's like, I would like people to know how old I am.
But just be like, oh, I wouldn't have thought that.
Okay.
Be like, oh, he looks.
But also, but then that implies like I'm trying to look younger, which I'm not either.
But I mean, that means, yeah, that means you want to look younger.
But I don't want to look younger.
I don't want to look –
You don't want to look your age.
No, I'm fine being 34.
I think maybe 35 might bring a reckoning.
But 34, I don't care about.
35 is all right.
36 is weird.
36 is like, what is this?
And then 37 is like late 30s.
Yeah.
So then you're fucked.
36 is one of those years that's just like,
ugh.
I guess now that I'm like,
I don't know if I want a gold or a gold,
I guess I'm fine
if you think I'm,
if you look,
if you think that's a 34 year old.
Yeah.
But it's also just more,
I wonder like how weathered
and old we look,
you know?
Yeah.
Because again,
the style or the behavior
might scale you down
but somebody might look at him and be like, was that guy president?
Like, he looks weathered, you know?
What's the youngest you think me and John could pass for?
Thirty.
This is for me?
Or both?
I just feel like there's no...
The correct answer is the good answer.
What?
The right answer is the good answer.
Whatever you actually think.
30 what?
I think for both, 32.
You basically are 32. Yeah. 34, 32. You basically are 32.
Yeah.
34 is 32.
But if I were to pull up pictures of me when I was 32 right now, I look a lot different.
I look a lot younger.
Really?
Yeah.
Like just like skinny face, tiny neck, just skinnier.
Like it is pretty jarring because like 32 is like 32 is what uh
like 2017 that's like oh yeah it's not that long ago 2017 is a long time ago that's what i mean it
is a long time ago but like it doesn't feel like like if you were to tell me like oh that album
came out in 2017 i'd be like oh a couple years ago oh no bro that's six fucking years i would say i would
think longer than that you really i'd be like that was 100 years ago yeah like i think about
like the mets going to the world series i'm like 2015 like that that 2015 team was not that long
ago that was like two whole sports regimes ago we're coming up on closer to a decade of that
ago i used to be
that way when people talk about the 90s and shit like that.
I do think the
pandemic
was a real
splitting point where it's like, wait, it was before
the pandemic? Yeah.
That's right.
That's a long time ago.
I don't know. To me, that's like, if you told me
late 2010s, early
teens, I'd be like, that's like if you told me like late 2010s early 2000s like teens i'd be like
yeah that's like he's that's still happening or that thing is still around or whatever it's like
no man that could be long gone yeah i'd be like you know i don't know people the pandemic and
tom brady as long as tom brady was alive yeah yeah it's like yeah life just stayed the same
yeah like things are just normal those two things ended around the same time
Those things are still so
That's so long ago
It's like if you were
Making jokes about someone who got divorced
In the late 2000s
And you're still doing it today
God damn that's so long ago
So fucking long ago
Well
The bad boy of Barstool weidelberg he tried his best to
fight the man and fight the fight and stand up for what once was the proud and funny
reputation of barstool sports and he declared there has to be a line you were you
were like president miller like you will not go quietly into the night we need to draw a line
and we're going to live on and either some interpretation there either is no line or we
have blown so far past the line it's in the rearview mirror and people don't even know the line ever even existed because if you thought that uh the the golf
themed happy hour was bad what do you think about the barstool beast club where if the top performers
of the business side of barstool gets a custom it Oh, no, it's all a Barstool.
Oh, we're eligible for the Beast Jacket?
Yes.
Oh, I can win a Beast Jacket, you say.
I might go all out to win a Beast Jacket
to just throw it in the garbage.
I'm going to sell it on eBay.
A Barstool Beast Jacket.
It's like a custom leather bomber-ish,
I don't know, something along those lines,
that has, I'm assuming, like a monster on it or something. No, it's two Bs. It's a B and a backwards B. It's a a custom leather bomber-ish, I don't know, something along those lines that has, I'm assuming, like a monster on it or something.
No, it's two Bs.
It's a B and a backwards B.
It's a terrible logo.
Whoever designed that is going to take that so personal.
It's awful.
Look at it.
Where is it?
Here.
Yeah, it looks like a beast with the horns.
I get it.
Yeah, sure. This is how i know i'd be a nazi because like i fought back a little bit at first and now i'm like what are we doing where
we going all right give me the jacket yeah yeah all right fine i i voiced my opinion once yeah
i do all right whatever there's a fine line. I said this before.
This is the world I live in now? We don't like this.
Sure, I'll acclimate.
We don't like this stuff.
But there's also an equal but opposite side of the spectrum is being the guy who's like so up in arms that somebody is trying to motivate employees.
Well, I mean it's awful.
It's really, really bad and despicable. But awful and it's really really bad and despicable but
whatever i'll be really bad and despicable i guess that's what we do now like it's it's it's
disgusting and offensive uh but that's what we are as a company now so whatever why fight the idea
or the jacket itself but which is worse which is worse yeah uh like if this was a cool jacket would you change your opinion
no no i'll give them that the the fact that it's a hideous jacket actually what makes it palatable
what if they just said if they really try to make it cool what if they just said uh best employee
gets a fucking thousand dollar leather jacket sure oh no no no no no like like it's just a
a piece of clothing that you would like maybe.
Whether it's a jacket or –
This is a worse version of – turns out I wouldn't be a Nazi.
This is a worse version of my kid made the honor roll.
This is I made the honor roll jacket.
Yeah, yeah.
This is I'm an adult who made the honor roll.
What are you going to do when I get fired?
Like I'm going to get fired.
I started this with being like I'm going to pretend I like it.
And that lasted 10 seconds.
I appreciate that everybody has a job to do.
And so you think that like what I do is corny.
And it's like but fine, man.
I want to get a raise. I want to get a bonus. I want to do well. And so you think that like what I do is corny and it's like, but fine, man.
I want to get a raise.
I want to get a bonus.
I want to do well. And so I'm going to come up with new ideas and like suck my dick if you're too cool for school.
I get that.
I don't think this is too cool.
Like this isn't like someone trying a little bit and people who are like, we're so old school.
Because like I wouldn't do that.
If it was like a regular thing.
Like a regular motivational.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Bonuses or things.
Money.
People get bonuses in the business world all the time.
I mean, if they did something like at the end of every month, you know, whoever wins gets two tickets to an event of their choosing.
Sure.
Yeah, I'll buy a concert ticket.
So this does come with a $500.
Right. Lead with that. It's probably a a 500 gift card to the barstool sports store yeah that you have to use to buy a jacket so yeah that's what they should leave with it should just be i
bet you that it might be something to do with bonuses and money and what you legally could do
but if you just said like you win or you performed well you tell me like do you want or you have you have an option
you want a cash value do you want a ticket to something we're literally describing bonuses yeah
yeah i would have no problem with bonuses being handed out to people yeah i i think there's
something though bonuses are usually like discretionary or merit-based you do them you
get your money that's it this is a little more of a public thing. So if there was like a game ball, if there was a performer of the month and not only – part of that is like –
I'd rather be subject to a public hanging than a women's jacket.
Like we always talked about you never get like a pat on the back or an attaboy.
This is what some people come up with where it's like we're going to let the world that you were the you were the top earner you were the top views at the company you did the most blah blah blah
this month at barstool you're the best people like that like it could be corny but that helps people
like in the workplace some sometimes the corporate shit matters because it's like
otherwise they feel like they're with the point of Yeah. Hence, you know, us now, this is,
I think when,
you know,
you overcorrect too far,
but this is all a long winded way to say,
like,
I do understand that some people are just trying to like motivate and coming
up with ideas that they think are good without just thinking through the
logistics of like,
where,
you know,
you know,
where this is out on a date,
you're going to wear this out.
Don't tell me.
Yeah.
Like,
yeah, I don't know.
I don't need to know about this.
If Gaz was giving out his stickers all alone, go ahead, dude.
Give out the stickers to the kindergartners.
This is – I came home and there was a billboard.
I fucked a neighbor.
Like, I don't fucking need to see that, dude.
Just be an adult about it and fucking keep it low key.
Like everybody else.
Yeah. It's – but, you know know coming like what's what's truly concerning is this comes after the the public shaming that you've
done which clearly had no impact they clearly don't take you seriously. I will say I did not see many photos from that party being posted on social.
Yeah, the party.
That they stole from PGA.
You should sue us, by the way, for that.
Now, so someone's going to win the Barstool Beast jacket.
Now, to be fair, we're not just the only assholes.
Let's just beat the fuck out of them.
Riggs posted this, too, being like, what the fuck is this?
Oh, I was going to let this go.
Yeah.
Nick told us about it because Nick was in the meeting.
And I was going to be like, look, I've said my piece.
I'm going to shut up and they'll do their thing now.
This one has become more public than the other one.
Yeah.
Riggs posted about it.
Did anybody else post about it?
Like, everyone's quoted Riggs.
Yeah, everyone's jumping on it now.
Many people are responding to Riggs.
I don't know if anyone else is doing it individually, but Riggs seems to be.
From Barca.
From BAAA.
I think Trent, Jeffy Lowe, Kelly Keyes have all added B.
There's been a significant amount of people.
I mean, if anything, yeah, this is just an indicator of how little fucking influence Final
Perk has over here.
This is not new information to me.
This,
I just,
you know who I really feel bad for?
It's whoever wins
Barstool Beast of the Month first.
Let's do it.
Let's make it rigs.
Let's rig it. We gotta make it. Let's rig it for rigs.
I want someone who we know hates it
to be like,
or even better, let's rig it for rigs like i want someone who we know hates it to be like uh just or even better let's let's make it like somebody let's make it trends or somebody who's like really nice actually it would be you if you didn't this is the this is when feidelberg
finally just is not a nazi and he's just like no fuck this but if someone who was like genuine like
uh generally a pushover and like just go with the flow and they're like great thanks so much for
this like i don't want this fucking jacket at all if who's a good candidate for that you know
you know deep down frankie really fucking hates this oh but if he won everyone i don't think
anyone i don't think anyone i i i can't speak with her but i would be shocked if even they like
like whatever if you like it you like it i don't i'm not trying to yuck your gum again like i said
like i said with the other thing okay here's the thing to my head
do i care separation of church and state yeah all how it's always been a third floor but this is not
right this is everybody right right so so third floor gas can get out of stickers and they can
you know during nap time and and, they can count their stickers.
They can trade their pogs and their fucking whatever.
And then the rest of the third floor can give away jackets.
And you leave us alone to rot and die on the inside, literally and figuratively, until we're gone and we're alone as we cease to exist. If you think about the business or barstool sports as elementary
school, which it is now,
it does make sense.
Like, you know the fucking
weird, like,
kind of dickhead,
kind of depressed, kind of dark kid
in the back of class who, like, never spoke up
and you always wonder what they become?
It's podcasters and bloggers. And then you guys on the third floor are the people who were trying to get an honor roll and sat in the back of class who like never spoke up and you always wanted what they become is podcasters and bloggers yeah and then you guys on the third floor are the people who were trying
to get on a roll and sat in the front yeah and you kind of like we're like all right let's be
in the back of weird i'm not gonna talk about that guy smells a little weird just leave us
like you did it our whole fucking school careers keep leaving us alone this is a calling it the
honor roll sticker is a really good example except it's I won the honor roll.
I won the honor roll.
I love that you call it I won the honor roll.
It's how often John was on honor roll.
He won it.
I definitely was never on it.
I don't even think I was on it in elementary school.
I must have been on it in elementary school.
If I did, my parents didn't care.
They didn't put a bumper sticker on their car.
Yeah.
But – So the question – I kind of hope I didn't care and put a bumper sticker on their car. Yeah. But –
So the question –
I kind of hope I win now so I can burn it like an American flag.
Yeah, that would – I mean imagine – that's what I mean.
The first person to win it.
You know, you see those highlight videos.
Like, ah!
Oh, no.
You know what we got to do?
Highlight videos.
You don't want SportsCenter.
You know what we got to do?
We got to win the Barstool Beast jacket, make a video being like,
Viterberg's feeling a little frisky today.
Take out your AR and just fucking blow holes in the Barstool Beast jacket.
Definitely getting fired.
What's that?
Yo, what if we put the Barstool Beast jacket?
Not my beer.
Not my American.
If we put the Barstool Beast jacket on a mannequin and we shoot it with guns, we're getting fired.
We're going to get fired.
I don't know that I'm not getting fired already.
We're going to get –
Yo, this is the first time I've ever had a little bit of concern about getting fired.
There are a few parts where I was like, you probably shouldn't have said that.
What is this?
What is that?
Nah, leave it.
Whatever. I think it would be funny if i got fired like that would be something so bottom line we asked no nay we declared that there needs to be a line and the disrespect was loud and clear not only not my first time
not my last not only is there no line there's not they're not even considering the line after you
called for one um so what now like do you just stop caring at all?
Do you not even like when next week there's a,
you know,
we're giving out like a crown for the best person and then walking around in a
fucking tiara.
Are you just going to be like,
okay,
yeah,
no,
I know what this is.
Now I,
now I work in corporate America.
Now I work for companies.
I used to make fun of,
you know what this is 10 years from now you are in office space
yeah and you're and we're just sitting there we're beating up a printer with a fucking baseball bat
right it is i mean again we said it last time like we really are gonna be we're not gonna be
i think we're about done with this but the uh there's a lot of repeating ourselves like it is
you live your long as you die the hero you live hero. You live as long as you can be the villain.
We're the villain.
We are a lame corporate company now.
Nope, nope, nope.
No, we're not.
Not New York.
We're not going to be.
I won't let it be.
If I know the two of us, we're going to let it be. I won't let it be, John.
I won't let it be, John, for a week.
I won't let it be.
I don't know. I wrote a blog. Jesus Christ. I won't let it be. I don't know.
I wrote a blog.
Jesus Christ.
I haven't done that in 10 years.
It's the hardest I've worked in a long fucking time.
Usually I just talk on a couch half asleep.
This is where you needed somebody.
I haven't sleepied today.
Dude, I'm so tired.
How big of a Bruins fan are you?
Did you get super sick to be fucking standing in line with Patrice Bergeron?
Because that's what I did.
To stand in line with Patrice Bergeron? He that's what I did. To stand in line with Patrice Bergeron?
He was ill.
Oh, got it.
That's right.
We won.
Our captain didn't play.
I forgot what I was going to say.
Oh, if we had somebody at the top really paying attention right now, they would have said,
holy shit, he wrote a blog.
He's not fucking around.
We need to think about changing course.
Because, you know, one of the OG guys here really took so much note of this
that he put pen to paper.
He put fingertips to keyboard.
That's a problem.
It's a problem.
Nate came in here asking Feidelberg to write a whole new blog about it.
He goes, nah nah I'm good
I'm all set on that
this is where we work now
it's not ideal
but here's the thing
it doesn't really affect anything
it gives us some content
it's a good thing in this sense
but
it almost is like it makes people at Barstool
the third floor is like
one of the people here who don't work but they provide content in their non-work that's a lot
of this uh now if there was a competitor to us i would be jumping all over this but there's not
you know yeah so it doesn't even matter. Someone offer me half my salary.
That's Final Work's line, as we know.
What's the lowest you'll work for?
Half of my current salary.
I would have given anything to see that agent's face.
If you don't know, an agent legitimately asked John, like, what's your base? Meaning, pick how high of a raise you would say yes to and still work here even though you think it's disrespectful.
How much higher would you need to go?
And John said half of my current.
He said he would take a 50% pay cut and still work here.
That agent doesn't work with me anymore.
Those agents, it was like reverse
arrested development.
Got the worst fucking clients.
I'm not saving up for anything.
I don't plan on being here long.
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I have an issue.
I've recently discovered this thing.
You don't say.
And I don't know if you guys have heard about it,
but it's pretty good.
It's called online shopping.
And I use all these different apps and websites,
like Amazon is one.
Whoa.
And you get shit pretty quick.
That's amazing.
Amazon.
It's pretty amazing.
But the issue with all this online shopping is it's crazy.
I just got a bunch of toothbrush heads, 10-pack.
I've been using one for two years.
I was going to say 10-pack. 10-pack for life.
That will last your fucking kids.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll be handing down Sonicare's.
But with all this new deliveries, I have a job at a company that gives out jackets for doing good.
So I'm always working as hard as i can
um and and uh with all these packages they're always texting me and they're like hey let me in
and i'm like why my work so they just leave it on the street and people rob you i don't get any of
my packages how many packages have you had stolen, you think?
I buy 12 things a day, so I lose count.
I don't know.
But I'll say this.
When I get home and there's a package, I'm surprised.
I think we're both going through something right now.
And I told you I want to make some content out of it.
So I think we should do a series together.
All the dumb shit that we're buying yes because you bought the uh we both
bought the hand not the grip grower it's called the gripster but it's not a grip it's the other
way it's the opposite yeah i broke mine the second time yeah well that's the thing uh in i still use
it i just don't use my thumb anymore in i broke my middle finger one so i just moved move these
two over one.
So now you're just going to have a really strong back of your hand.
I figure my thumb's pretty good.
I think your thumb is pretty strong.
My thumb's the strongest. It doesn't need the most.
So I use the other four.
I get targeted for a lot of I get clothes,
I get toys,
which I would say is for my kids,
but they're not. It's because i'm a man child and
like oh you know what i got stolen the other day today what uh vintage t-shirt not today it's oh
by the way when you reach out to somebody and you say my package is gone they go usually it turns up
at 24 hours that's because they don't want to have a conversation totally they're just like
and he'll do it and i'm'm like, oh, okay, cool.
It says it's delivered. How would it just turn up?
They never turn up.
These things just have a way.
It doesn't turn up at all.
So I got from a vintage store,
I bought a dope
90s Michael Bolton t-shirt.
It's gone.
I'm totally talking about it because I'm never going to get to show it to you.
No, we got to get a new one then. But it's not a vintage shirt. It's gone. I'm only talking about it because I'm never going to get to show it to you. No, we got to get
a new one then.
It's a vintage shirt.
I'll show it to you.
Michael Bolton has some
bangers.
It is. Those songs
bang. Do you guys know who Michael Bolton is?
Oh, man. He's got some
ballads.
He has a Christmas song that it's like an illegal song it's not on any streaming right now our love is a holiday holy shit that will rip your christmas dick off
and slap you in the face with it it is you can make it you can see enough there um oh yeah it's
i mean we really probably it's crazy our audience like probably does not
really know who he is he looks like fabio he probably don't know who that is either
he's got like long flowing hair dude one of my favorite songs of all time like not even really
kidding i don't listen to a lot on spotify but it's like one of the only youtube videos i go watch
is this is a tale of captain jack spire atrow i don't know that lonely island oh oh yeah yeah i
was gonna say that that does not sound like a real song and he just keeps singing about jack
sparrow yes yes yes what do you think is there volume on this song yeah that song is a heater
how am i supposed to live without you is these i don't know these are like his songs though when a man loves a woman that's like a cover
right i don't know is that is that an original an mb original
he has a he has a song though which one is it um it like it's just, how can we be lovers? Do you know that one? How can we be lovers if we can't be?
Yeah.
That is like the definition of an eighties,
nineties love ballad.
That is just,
dude,
I love it.
If you go to,
if you go to Spotify and you look up like,
this is Michael Bolton,
Jack Sparrow's on there.
Yeah.
He's got a great voice.
He's the man.
I love that shirt.
Now that I'm looking at this
I'm never gonna have it
I think like
all of these
fucking things
are like covers
I don't know
if any of them
are real
like his song
lean on me
definitely not a
Michael Bolton
original
but
I can see him
crushing lean on
lean on me
when you're
not strong
George on my mind.
Like none of sitting on the dock of the bay.
Is Michael Bolton having real songs?
Does he just do,
I will always love you.
How about this one?
Can I touch you?
Dot,
dot,
dot there with a question mark.
No,
you cannot.
Michael Bolton.
That's very infantilizing.
There's a Jack Sparrow
ballad version.
Just banging it out.
Now back to the good part.
Can you guys text Kelly right now
and ask to get Michael Bolton on the show?
She will be so confused.
The jester of Tortuga!
Yo,
NB, Mikey Bolt.
Can you bring me a 90s shirt too?
Amazon just leaves it.
Despite the fact that on my front door at my apartment,
it says, please do not leave packages outside.
They get stolen.
Well, it could be them too.
You know how many of these people just, you know,
they just fucking take a picture of
it say they delivered it and they don't even that's that's the rub of it they don't even do
that pictures it's a it's a it's a tough thing i happened with my t my polos the other day um
those got stolen inside my apartment but this is it's just like i i am i am spending let's call it three hundred dollars a day on packages
and i am getting on average one of them maybe
what that is crazy town dude you really you're really shopping that much i bro it's it's instagram
it's i i i used to shop i used to not use prime for things like soap and
shampoo yeah yeah like that and i've i've discovered that it's pretty nice uh well it's it's it's easy
to not because we actually talked about it with nick for monday's episode i i've gotten so annoyed
with the pushing the button at pharmacies yeah to get something that i'm like i'm not doing that
because it ruins my day having to wait for them to come unlock it for me to get something that I'm like, I'm not doing that. It ruins my day having to wait for them to come and lock it for me to get a fucking shampoo.
I'm done with this.
So I started doing the Prime and
I don't get a lot of it.
But
yeah, I don't know what the end game
is. I think I'm just going to keep doing it. Just keep hoping for
the best. It's like
railing against the third floor. I'm just going to keep doing it
and hoping for the best.
People are going to just keep saying,
we're just going to take it. Well, I got news for you, pal.
I just bought two of these Michael Bolton
T-shirts. Yes, my guy!
I found them on eBay.
Are they worn? I wanted it to be
a little worn.
I don't want it to be like
I want to make sure my Michael Bolton T-shirt
is secondhand.
I don't want to go, he just made it a fake.
No, this is from the 90s.
It's like my Woodstock shirt.
It's from the 60s.
If you want, I don't know, I can wear one around for a little while
and then give it to you and you can pretend that it was worn in the 90s.
All right, you hit me at about 30 years.
My Barstool Beast jacket will be nice and worn by then too.
I'll tell you this, though, my friend. But it'll be my barstool beast jacket will be nice and worn by then too. So they'll go.
I'll tell you this though,
my friend,
that one we,
we got is very cool.
There are some really cool Michael Bolton.
Okay. Let's get all.
How cool is that one?
Oh mama.
Yeah.
Get it.
Definitely.
Definitely.
You can start.
That's an XL.
We'll never get them,
but no, I don't even know how to log in. Yeah, get it. Definitely. Get it. You can start – That's an Excel. We'll never get them, but I'll buy them.
I don't even know how to log into my eBay on the app, but I'll do it on the –
Yeah, okay.
Okay.
Buy it.
Add to my cart.
No.
What the fuck?
Now I got to get rid of the app because it –
Yeah, these are fucking dope.
Really, really, really big fire. really what is renamed in the podcast
this is now a Michael Bolton appreciation podcast
that is so cool
okay let's buy that one
buy it now
thank you
bingo bango
eBay is dangeroso
let me tell you man
it's just
wait how are these even going through that credit card doesn't work anymore eBay is dangeroso. Let me tell you, man. It's just...
Wait, how are these even going through?
That credit card doesn't work anymore.
That said purchase.
Thank you for your order. That's wrong.
That is not right, I don't think.
So anybody...
How about this? Let's crowdsource a little bit.
I'm sure there are people out there with some fucking
dope 90s vintage shirts maybe you can put them up for sale maybe you can donate them to the show or
but just tweet at us with your best prize possession vintage gear okay uh now in the
barcelona sports store you can get the who's the Biggest Asshole game. It's one of the biggest sellers, one of the best cocktail party games.
It is the best thing you can do in life is to sit in judgment of other people.
And, yeah, it's really great when they're your friends.
It's even a little bit better when they're complete strangers, a.k.a. these are just things that have happened to me and Kevin.
We try and decide who is the biggest asshole in a
variety of situations there are a couple of easter eggs in there uh i'm gonna give it to you right
now because i don't fucking care um it is uh a a girl a guy was seeing her dad died this guy had
met him he'd been to parties with him. And they were
borderline dating.
And he did not go to the funeral.
That did not happen to me or Kevin.
That happened to one Zac Efron in that awkward moment.
There are other things like that.
Other little Easter eggs throughout it
from some classic movies.
I don't know if I can legally say that we took that.
But whatever. I fucking said it.
And the other songs, things like that.
It's a fun game.
It's great at a party night.
It's great at a cocktail party.
It's great on a train, plane, car ride, wherever.
Again, you get to just judge other people.
That's fucking what we're here for, right?
Go get it now at store.
Store.
At store.barstoolsports.com.
Store.barstoolsports.com.
My buddy texted me the other day.
I was watching not a new movie by any stretch of the imagination.
I was watching Richard Jewell.
By the way, that movie is outrageous.
If you haven't seen or don't know Richard Jewell, he's the guy who they pinned the Atlanta Olympic bombing on him.
Even though – because he was on the scene, but he was being this like over-eager security guard who wanted to help.
Like he's the one who found the bomb and told everyone to get out of the way.
But because he was on the scene, the media and the cops needed a scapegoat so they pinned it on this guy who was like you know special needs elephant basically it was it was again i it's a movie so hollywood probably had some some the netflix version is
even i'm sure even more i mean they made that the the um chick, the reporter sued them for like defamation because they just painted her as a straight up whore who fucked people for money.
Wait.
I think you watched the real movie then.
No.
I've never seen it because that's a – I mean it's the same story, John.
Yeah.
So the show –
So they painted – because the movie did it.
So maybe she's a whore then.
Yeah.
That's Olivia Wilde in the movie.
Yeah.
No, no.
This was not Olivia Wilde.
That is – Have you guys seen this movie? I've never seen that one but I watched – You've seen Richard Jewell? Yeah. That's Olivia Wilde in the movie. Yeah, no, no. This was not Olivia Wilde. That is –
Have you guys seen this movie?
I've never seen that one, but I watched –
You've seen Richard Jewell?
Yeah.
I watched the Netflix – remember that mini-series on it?
No.
I think you do.
Remember they made one about the Unabomber?
They made one about him as well.
Oh, the one with Manhunter?
It's called Manhunter.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Or Manhunter.
Manhunt.
No, he's Manhunter because it was crazy because it sounded just like Manhunter. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's called Manhunter. Maybe. Maybe. Or Manhunter. Manhunt. No, he's Manhunter. Because it was crazy.
Because it sounded just like Manhunter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it's called Manhunter.
Where it was one of those like, it's a little bit like a cheesy Lifetime movie, but a higher
level of that.
Yeah.
Dude, the one about the Unabomber was great.
I didn't know they did one for it.
That guy got butt fucked.
Well, he did.
He did.
Yeah.
Obviously.
Don't you tell me you're not Team Jewel.
No.
Well, yes. I'm not Team Jewel. how you're not team jewel well i don't think you should be in prison
but you didn't do anything he didn't do anything he should not yeah no fucking kidding a man who's
completely and totally innocent shouldn't be in prison but when like the whole movie
the two hours of it whatever it is is like this guy
borderline and i'm being generous special needs clearly some issues yeah and and he is a uh
has been cited many a time as a police officer for overstepping his boundaries, for being power hungry.
Well, I think it was more like he was like a nerd who was like, I want to be.
It was almost like a child being.
Sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A special needs child.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
More so than like a corrupt cop who's like overstepping his bounds.
He was like.
I mean, he was like pulling people over on the highway when he didn't have jurisdiction.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But to me. like someone who's playing cop would yes but that's better than like a straight-up cop who's a dirty cop
this is like a little kid who's like i'm here to protect the the world you know also cited for
he was forcing the psyche vows because you know and then it ends as if it's like a feel-good story and then he became
a cop and then we gave him a gun and a badge i was like wait what i think you should have been
in jail i don't think you should be putting people in jail either
that one of the lawyers shows up at the police station and it like reveals behind the desk like, like, reveals behind the desk, like, look at what we made of the bus.
I feel like for the last two hours you've been telling me this guy should not be a police officer.
Like, don't give that to me.
Like, and look what he did.
And then we gave him power and a weapon.
That's like, again, like, I'm not arguing he should be in prison.
But I don't know.
Maybe a construction worker or something.
Yeah, perfect.
I was like, wait, what?
But anyway, all that's to say that I was watching Richard Jewell, which is a 10-year-old movie.
No, no, no.
That's like five.
And my buddy texted me this in the middle of watching the movie.
Look what I just found.
This all ties back to the vintage gear.
That's flames.
Oh, Atlanta Olympic gear. All that was to say that this jacket's sick oh right right yeah i mean olympic atlanta olympic gear that i feel like i mean maybe it's just
because it's america so it has some like but wait sorry one more thing i don't think we're talking
about how crazy it is that he texted me that while i was watching richard jewel what who my buddy texted me that he's a good guy just found oh just by chance yeah
one in a trillion it was i was like one in a trillion it was like there's no text before
there's no nothing it's just crazy it's just louis jacket that that is you know those kind
of things just they don't happen right it's like have you ever said a word out loud while they say
while this person says something on the same tv on the tv at the same time no i don't think i have
it's actually happened to me a couple times so maybe it's not that rare but every time it happens
i'm like did anybody see that did anybody notice that um the olympic the olympic year is fire and
i don't know if it's because it's from america but i feel like the new olympics like yeah i don't
know covid ruined the olympics i guess so yeah i used to get jacked up the olympics I don't know. COVID ruined the Olympics. I guess so, yeah. I used to get jacked up at the Olympics.
I don't think I've even watched them since.
I don't know if it was COVID versus everything's ruined.
Yeah.
We don't watch award shows.
Even sports don't have the same juice.
We don't watch anything.
TV is still there, for sure.
People still get jacked up for Game of Thrones and Succession.
And, like, that stuff is there.
But like why did award shows stop?
I don't know.
Like –
It's just too much to watch.
So nobody –
Yeah, nobody agrees to all watch it at the same time.
Yeah, I guess so.
Like we would – it would be like we all know we're watching.
Terribly.
Like they're – I never know.
I love award shows.
I never know when they're on Until like they're on
When people start tweeting about it
Yeah it's not like the NFL draft
I thought that was three weeks ago
Yeah they asked me am I ready to do the NFL draft show
I was like great
It hasn't happened yet
What are you talking about
It's all non-stop
Artists are playing
It's Kansas City
The Combine was a fucking it's a nonstop artists are playing. It's Kansas City. This is like you talk about the combine was a fucking it's all it's nonstop.
I'll say my.
You said last week the Internet ruined home runs.
I think I'm going to say the Internet ruined the Internet made and then ruined award shows it was that sweet spot yeah where you could live tweet all the award
shows and everybody all the memes are flying the video clips you know people filming on their screen
jokes were left and right everything was awesome and then i guess there's just too much internet
too much streaming too much to do everybody stopped covet hit whatever it was and now r.i.p
to any award shows they They're just fucking dead.
That used to be the ultimate.
Like, you're not watching sports.
You're watching an award show.
What are you, gay?
I was like, I don't know, man.
These are fucking great.
They were always so entertaining, dude.
They were great.
I used to do like wrap-up blogs on them.
Like, here's what you missed sort of thing.
They were like that much a part of pop culture.
And now it's like – I mean, have you guys ever even like watched an award show?
Like when you were growing up, would you get like excited for – I don't know.
Jacked up for the Oscars.
Yeah, he would.
The Oscars was the one I actually never really did get jacked because that show itself was
–
The Golden Globes were the good ones.
They were all drunk.
And Gervais was hosting every time.
VMAs were hot.
Like when we were kids, that was a big deal.
Golden Globes were, I guess that was
the big one because the Emmys
it's more the
red carpets. I don't really care about the awards themselves
but the red carpets were always
where shit went down. It was a good time.
Yeah, I would watch the pre-show.
I'd watch the pre-show. He used to do a pre-show
for like eight hours. Remember that?
You could turn on the Oscars at noon.
We'd live-sweet the whole thing.
We'd have interactions.
And the internet ruined.
We're kind of talking about Twitter, but whatever.
This morning, I was like,
oh, do I need to send a tweet
that I'm excited for the Bruins game today?
Yeah, so lame. And then in my head, I'm wondering, what made you that I'm excited for the Bruins game today? Yeah, so lame.
And I was like – and then in my head I'm wondering,
well, maybe people think I'm a fake fan.
I probably live tweeted 70 to 75 Bruins games this year.
But people will.
There are people who tell me I'm a fake Mets fan.
Because I didn't say I'm ready for the Bruins.
I didn't send a tweet like Bruins are on tonight.
No, I know.
I know how you feel.
I spend one-fifth of the year every year tweeting about the Boston Bruins. And I'm like, well, I didn't send – they have a playoff game today and I didn't send a tweet like Bruins are on tonight. I've been one-fifth of the year every year tweeting about the Boston Bruins
and I'm like, well, I didn't send, they have a playoff game
today and I didn't send a tweet about it. I can't, I hate
that feeling. I hate the tweets that are like
12 hours until game time.
Yeah, you're just blatantly putting out there, I'll be
watching the game. 46 days till
kickoff and it's just like some random number 46
jersey. Yeah, I hate that shit.
It's like, every brand does it.
It's like, I don't know, man.
I'll be excited when it happens.
I get people who tell me you just started watching the Mets this year.
You might have just started following me this year.
Yeah, that's probably what it is, man.
And then I get people who tell me, shut the fuck up.
Stop talking about the Mets.
Like, you know, I'm here for other shit.
Pabs, change the password.
Get me off of fucking Twitter when it comes to baseball.
Can't take it anymore. change the password. Get me off of fucking Twitter when it comes to baseball. Start the counter.
I can't take it anymore.
Change the password.
Oh, this motherfucker.
Be a devil.
Just got a message from my Amazon driver chat.
Let's see what he says.
Parties, don't want to answer the door.
Hi, I'll be arriving with your delivery soon.
Please secure pets if you have them and turn on lights if it's dark.
Everybody gets that now.
I get that all the time now.
Oh, okay.
It's like an automated thing.
All right. Am I the asshole today? This is my one from now. Oh, okay. It's like an automated thing. Alright, am I the asshole
today? This is my one from yesterday.
Hello, this is your Amazon delivery driver. I'm trying to deliver your package.
How do I access the address? I'm not receiving
any response from the buzzer.
This is 22 hours ago, so it was at 3pm?
Whatever.
Any other buzzer I can use? Do you have alternative delivery
instructions in your package? No!
I don't! Just deliver it to my house!
Am I the asshole?
This one was inspired
obviously by the
MLB pitcher Anthony Bass.
This happened a couple days ago.
It's the ultimate Am I the asshole? So we got it
covered today. Am I the asshole?
There's multiple here.
I guess who's the biggest asshole is more appropriate.
Anthony Bass is a pitcher
for the Blue Jays.
His wife, who also happens to be Jesse James Decker's sister, was flying 22 weeks pregnant with their five-year-old and their two-year-old. She's not very pregnant.
We'll get there.
People are saying that.
You know who are saying that?
People who are not pregnant.
You find a bitch who's 22 weeks pregnant and tell her to do all sorts of shit and get down on her hands and knees and clean up and shit.
It's pretty pregnant.
She's flying with her five-year-old and her two-year-old.
United provides them some sort of popcorn.
I don't know whether that was like a, hey, there's these two little kids.
Here's a bag of popcorn.
Or if it was like, here are our snacks.
And they bought popcorn for the kids, gave it to them complimentary.
I think that matters.
The kids end up spilling popcorn everywhere the flight attendants hand the bag a garbage bag to the mom and say clean this up every last bit and then anthony bass gets a picture that i'm sure
his wife sent to him he's not on the plane he tweets it out and says united you got to be
fucking kidding me now the internet went nuts i mean that went really viral really fast i don't
know if he's gonna have staying power but it like dominated everything i saw for like 24 hours
uh it's a professional athlete complaining online about airlines with a parenting slash child angle that is a that's
Mad Libs that is that's the perfect storm
for a story to explode
and
I think at least I don't know where we're at
now the first wave
I couldn't I couldn't believe it to be honest
because who the fuck
is ever on big
airline side like
who wants to be on the fucking side of...
Fuck airlines.
Airlines buttfuck us every single day of our lives.
They have been buttfucking us.
I just have that poster hanging up.
I just go...
You go, all right, all right.
I'll pay the baggage
fuck airlines hey remember this
so but yeah everyone was like you clean up after your own kids this is you're
ridiculous you're despicable like the plane shouldn't have to do that like
if you're i don't know i am on the side of like you should always pick up at your kids i told the
story on the rundown i went to the movies the other night the other day with the kids we saw
the mario movie and keegan spilled the entire bag of popcorn not just a couple of mrs mouth
there was a heap of it and and the whole rest of the movie i was going fuck what am i gonna do what
am i gonna do i can't just walk out.
I'm not, but I'm also not going to
get down on my hands and knees in the movies here and clean this up.
And as I was walking out, I saw the kid who came out
with the broom and the
dustpan, and I was like, oh,
give me that real quick. I got to clean up. We made a big mess.
And he was like, it's all good. I'll get it. Fine.
Which is probably what should have
happened here. That's why I think they were probably
this woman and whoever she was with was probably being an asshole.
They probably were fighting to begin with and the flight attendants were like, fuck you.
Because like I would have to imagine 99% of the time they go like, I'll get it.
I'll get it.
Just like get off.
Yeah.
The thing to me – two things.
Cleaning like an airplane like happens.
Like they do it anyway.
I think it's like built in basically and two i don't think there's any circumstances where you telling the pregnant woman to do shit
is worth the potential fallout i think that's a crazy move i know a lot of people are saying
22 weeks isn't really pregnant like you're i've seen girls 22 when pregnant. When you're like 20 weeks is like when they tell you your first.
Oh, wait.
What are you thinking of?
Never mind.
Yeah, it's more pregnant than I thought.
Yeah, yeah.
22 weeks is like halfway.
You go to like 40 weeks.
And it's also like right on the border of when your warning sickness is like supposed to stop.
And like sometimes it doesn't.
So you can be like puking your brains out
you can be you can be like little basketball belly you can also be like swollen and fat as
fuck yeah and like you're sick and and not capable and all that shit now you're flying
somewhere i'm sure you are i don't think i'm not saying it's impossible but it was just people
were just quick to be like on the airline side telling this pregnant woman to clean up and not – I don't know.
I mean Dave said that children should be thrown off of airplanes with parachutes.
Just throw them out.
We'll collect them later.
But man, that was – people got fucking fired up.
I just think we respect people in uniforms too much.
Like why are you listening to her just because because she's, she's wearing one uniform.
Flight attendant.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like,
like,
like,
I'm not going to run the movies because I,
I still popcorn and movies all the time.
Oh,
so I was going to ask you that.
What do you do?
Thank you.
I'm so happy.
You're willing to admit that the only reason I was going to clean up my mess.
Don't walk out.
Like if I,
if I had a spill that you're describing with Keegan,
I would have a similar reaction to you, but I buy popcorn. I buy a bag of popcorn. You spill half of it. up my mess they don't walk out like if i if i had a spill that you're describing with keegan i would
have a similar reaction to you but i buy popcorn i buy a bag of popcorn you spill half of it eat
the other i eat a couple of curl i eat like three handfuls during the previews and i put it on the
ground i forget it's on the ground it's inevitably kick it over yeah and i pick up the bag and i
maybe depending on how much is there i might give it a brush in but that's it i'm not picking up
individual thank you and that's the same fucking thing.
Yeah, right.
I agree.
And so like what are these people so –
I'm fucking keeping people employed.
I picked up my mess every time.
Guess what?
That kid doesn't have a job.
It's also like –
No health insurance.
Fuck.
You don't care.
The people acting like it's a big deal that the movie theater floor or the plane floor is dirty that's not a thing you just want to yell about kids yeah you either have a problem with
kids and don't have kids or don't like kids or you want to or you think that that mlb pitcher
and his wife get preferential treatment and you don't like that there is something underlying here
and that's why you're screaming and yelling about it because that's you would be insane to care about
it's an insane tweet to send that and so then then the other thing that's the you would be insane to care about – It's an insane tweet to send.
And so then the other thing, that's the who's the biggest asshole.
Is it her?
He's up there.
He's up there.
I think he might be the highest.
Yeah.
Because look what this is fucking caused.
Right.
Like now your wife is getting like death threats I'm sure and United is fighting.
It's like for what, dude?
What were you going to get other than some complaints off your chest?
Also, like when you're in that position close your eyes i i believe anthony bass has a era of seven seven
so he's a middle of the road reliever seven era close your eyes middle of the road reliever is
not that's terrible yeah i'm sorry i'm in journeyman okay um and uh and um envision that person a person of that level drawing all as a
barcelona employee yeah yeah you go hey buddy just fucking let the gravy gravy drink rolling
don't bring attention to yourself now you're getting fucking chance every time you're in the
game now you're getting fucking yelled at now you got too loud. Next thing you know, you're going to have to have a morning show.
Next thing you know, wake up with Anthony Bass
three times a week.
I don't want to do all this.
I want all this attention.
Dude, the jokes right away.
The top reply was like
he said like
the cleaning people should clean it up. That's the job they were hired to do it. The top reply was like you he said like the cleaning people should clean it up.
That's the job they were hired to do.
The top reply was like you got a 7ERA.
It looks like you're not the only one not doing your job.
It just opens up so much criticism.
It's like it's not even like you're an asshole for – because it like offends me or someone else.
Just an asshole for what you did to yourself.
But I ultimately – Dave, we argued it was it was
a time warp dude we went 10 years back to the past and we just had the same argument we had
about kids crying on a plane and the nets being put up in baseball stadiums and all that shit
and he hates when i say it and i i don't understand how anybody can't like understand
the the legitimacy of it if you don't have kids, you don't get it.
Like – and he's like, what does that mean?
Why can't I understand?
It's like – because you haven't gone through an experience that changes the way you view things.
Yeah.
It's like it's the same thing as if you never had a job, if you've never gone to school, if you've never done something – like you never had these kids.
You've never been pregnant.
You don't know what it's like.
It's like – I don't get why you can't understand that.
You can have an opinion on it and then – I do have an opinion on it and then I will – I'll go, I don't really agree with that.
But all right, you have a different life experience than me.
Right.
I would say like there was definitely a time where I was like, fuck crying babies on planes.
And then I had a crying baby on a plane and I was like, I'm so sorry.
I know this sucks.
But anybody who would be like, you know, you and your kid can't fly.
I'd be like, shut the fuck up.
How about that?
You know?
So I guess it's one of those rare.
Everyone's the asshole.
ETA.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is everyone's the asshole.
For sure.
Voicemails are brought to you by Pirate Water.
It's water. but for pirates.
And it's got a lot of booze in it.
It's 12 ounces of 10% alcohol, $2, 12 to 10, 12 to 10.
It's $12.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
That's not it.
It's 12 ounces.
It's 10% alcohol. It's $2, 12 to 10. It. Nope. Nope. That's not it. It's 12 ounces. It's 10% alcohol.
It's $2. $12 to $10.
It is for partiers. It is for ragers.
It is for anyone who likes
to get their brain wet.
It is everywhere.
It's incredibly popular, so make sure you get it.
It is going to be perfect. Springtime,
you put it on ice. People put it in slushy
machines. Get a little drink by the pool. Get a little bikini on. Get a little Speed be perfect. Springtime, you put it on ice. People put it in slushy machines, get a little drink by the pool,
get a little bikini on, get a little Speedo
on, go have a couple
bevvies by the pool,
get a bikini Speedo by the pool.
I'm delirious, clearly.
It's not because I had
pirate water, but it will make you delirious.
It is that fun. You wake
up the next day and you'll be like, what the hell was that?
That was quite a haze I was in. brought to you by Pirate Water, it comes in Margarita,
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Go to drinkpiratewater.com.
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They must be 21 or older to drink.
Please drink responsibly.
What's up, everyone?
It's the underrated genius here.
It's about time I make my KFC radio debut.
I know, I know.
Your boy's looking stupid hot right now.
But anyways, i got two things
for today one fellas not if but when you guys start doing taylor swift numbers at these live
shows what venue would mean the most to both of you to sell out i think kevin and john i know the
answers kevin is probably msg or city field. John is probably TD Garden or Fenway.
And two, when are you letting your boy come sit in on a podcast live in the studio?
It's about time.
You guys are enjoying the Corey Deuce Retiree.
He edited this himself?
I didn't mean to plug it there, but I did.
Oh, my God.
Anyway, I can send more over if you guys want.
But I will see you guys live in person May 12th in Boston.
Buy your tickets now if you haven't already.
Underrated Genius out.
He actually took a cool picture.
Wait, was that outro music?
He's got a fucking outro music and a logo.
Oh.
I'm actually surprised more people
don't do shit like that. They just get their blatant plugs
in. He took a picture. you. That's actually cool.
I've been meaning to bring it in, email it.
It's you like chugging a nip from the –
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I know the picture.
Yeah, the final part on the back.
It's cool.
Yeah, like MSG, right?
Boston Garden for you.
Wow.
I was going to have a reasonable answer.
That's what I mean.
Of course, that would be the dream.
What do you think is a –
Fucking Wembley.
What do you think is an attainable spot?
I actually don't know venues like this.
I don't know.
An iconic 350-person venue.
The Wilbur is pretty fucking – like that's probably it.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know if there's like an equivalent in new york like like irving plaza would be a cool we haven't done yet where they could like put tables uh
chairs out yeah i think that fits like almost 2000 that's like a big you know but it just like
in new york new york goes from like a couple hundred to like radio city and hulu theater
and shit that's like that would be ways down down the line but uh irving plaza has had like
some cool bands and we've had history there with blackout tours and all that so uh that would be ways down down the line but uh irving plaza has had like some cool bands and we've had
history there with blackout tours and all that so uh that would be it for new york and i and i
already i think the wilbur is already the one for boston so wilbur is the one for boston get your
last like like very minimal tickets probably like single digit tickets left from uh for the wilbur
i don't i don't think i think the wilbur sold out i think austin sold out i think dallas sold out
one show sorry one show. I think Houston just...
Houston. You can buy your
individual tickets now. So go
to KC Radio. Find the link
for your tickets and you can buy one
or two or three tickets. You don't have to buy them
in sets of four anymore. Come see us. You're
kicking off the tour, so it's got to be filled
or I'm going to burn down your city.
Or we will just leave you out of the highlight reel video.
Next up! Wait, I wanted to think burn down your city. Or we will just leave you out of the highlight reel video. Next up.
Oh, wait.
I wanted to think about that real quick.
Another one.
All I know for venues,
I don't really go to a ton of live shows, music, I mean.
So all I know are places we've been on the Blackout Tour.
Basically anywhere on the Blackout Tour, actually,
would be fun.
Yeah.
If we did like Blue Face Heartbreak Hotel in Providence
that was crazy
if we did wherever we went in Iowa City
that place shut down
I think someone else might have bought it
that would be a fun spot to do
you know what was cool
was the Masonic Lodge
we already did it now
that was a cool venue
I want to do some weird shit like that
some of these classic ones are good for reputation but I want to do some weird shit like that. Some of these classic ones are good for reputation,
but I want to do some weird shit
like, I don't know, like overlooking
the water at an outdoor venue or something
crazy like that. Have Jackie
hike us up a fucking hill or a mountain or whatever.
We'll do a live show there.
Pier 17 in New York would be cool.
Yeah, we could do some water shit there.
We should do like a
barge in the middle of the Hudson River.
We'll get a boat out there.
We can kill someone in the barge with a little beast jacket out there.
It's international waters.
Next up.
What's up, guys?
In the past couple episodes, John has admitted two separate things.
One, that he doesn't really clean his asshole.
That it just seems like he lets water slide down it however clean it gets
that's not true and two that he's been shitting so bad that he needs to literally scrub the toilet
to clean it after every time he shits why do you have to scrub the toilet but not your own asshole
yeah like why are you doing these things like why why are you talking about that publicly? Yeah. I don't know. It just happens.
I get it.
But it's like –
It's a huge regret of mine.
No.
Talking about it or living that way?
Everything I said in the show I regret.
Yeah.
It's crazy that people want to have sex with you.
God.
They don't.
Just so you know.
They do though.
I don't know if you want to back, but like there are people who want to have sex with you.
I'm like, for reals?
For cereal?
I heard what he said yesterday.
You're going to get mango farts all up in that blanket.
I've severely cut down on mango intake.
Thank God.
Severely cut down on the mango intake.
That video of her, did you see that yesterday?
No.
Maybe you can see her from where you're sitting.
I can't see her.
So when you were talking about like your toots, Pabst was filming her from there and she was just like –
I make you a promise.
What is this fucking –
I avoid eye contact with Jackieie like she's medusa but basically
anytime i talk on this show like i don't ever see she was she was just like he's doing
just awful horrid horrid i don't even know what that guy had a question i think he was just like
you're fucking why are you doing this dude yeah uh but i don't know it is that guy had a question. I think he was just like, you're fucking, why are you doing this, dude? Yeah.
But I don't know.
It is.
I like, yo, it's one of those things.
Like, I beg you guys to stop listening.
And then I can stop talking.
No.
Don't listen to him. Don't ever tell someone about this show.
Don't ever.
Spread, you know, word of mouth.
Tell your friends.
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Fucking stop listening.
Less people listening.
Stop buying stuff from the advertisers.
I'll almost be a freak.
Last voicemail.
Hey, guys.
I'm watching your Ben Schwartz interview as I drive home from work.
And it got me thinking I'm barely in it.
And we were pumping fights up for his new
amazing little skit show.
So funny. Everyone check it out.
And it made me think
if you both had to be
or you could star in a TV
show that's already been written
and you were the
character instead of the actor,
which show would you choose?
So for example, I could be
Pam Beasley.
Super understandable concept.
First of all, shout out to her
for watching the interview while driving.
That's how I roll.
This is an easy one for me.
What do you think? Fit?
This is an easy one for me for fit.
I'm surprised.
First of all, it's the accurate
description of it,
but I love how
anytime anyone, from my parents
to callers,
it's actually how people used to talk about
barstool, which I guess is a nice thing.
It's like, how's that little blog going?
How's your little podcast?
How's your little sketch, Yeah. How's your little sketch show?
It sounds so offensive.
She said little?
Yeah.
Amazing.
It's amazing.
Your little sketch show is amazing.
How's your little sketch show going, huh?
Hey, little cutie pie.
How's it going?
You playing with cameras?
That's so cute.
That is so unbelievably demeaning.
So rude.
So fucking rude to say that.
How's your little sketch, your little skit, your little go-go?
Your showsy-wosey.
I saw this meme the other day.
This guy's great.
He does, like, open stand-up memes and shit.
Which is a perfect time.
Put that in your little skit.
It is.
It is.
Yeah.
No one knows what to call it.
I don't either.
You can just call it
a sketch show.
I don't know if they're sketches.
I don't know if they're skits.
I don't know what they are.
It's a comedy show.
I don't know.
It's just a little funny thing.
Little doesn't need to be in there.
I just said that.
That was me.
It's a little project
we're working on.
It's just little funny things
we have to do.
I don't know if it's a character I resonate with the most.
Probably is.
But it's for sure 100% the character I've gotten tweets about the most
where it's like, oh, this is you.
That's Nick Miller in New Girl.
Yeah.
That's the one I think.
Again, I don't know.
Maybe we said it's an easy to understand concept
maybe it's not anymore
because I don't know if it's a character that I could seamlessly go into
I think Nick Miller
would be the one I'd want to go into
Nick Miller's up there too, he's a great character
but
I like to be
something I'm not
so I would probably be like a man.
Yeah.
Like Nick Miller is like not a man.
Right, right, right.
Like I can't even think of a man.
Yeah.
So not a man.
That's how fucking straight you are, bro.
All I can think about is chits.
I mean, I think with all the rage and the – like –
Dennis?
Yeah, Dennis would be my least – or my most relatable, which is not good.
Remember that time I told David Duchovny I relate to Californication, his character, the most?
And he was like, that's not good.
That character is a bad person.
He was like, why don't you call me in five years?
That's going to get to be a tough road for you.
That was one of our first interviews ever.
I remember you so excited because I was going to say it. If you didn't say it, I was going to say it.
I completely agreed with you.
I love that character.
I envy him.
He's like, what?
This is a despicable human.
Everything about him is terrible.
He's like, it's not a fun life.
He's the best.
He's drunk and fucking hookers.
Daughter hates him.
Yeah, that was funny.
That was the time where television was probably like, maybe we should move on from anti-heroes.
Because it's not happening.
We're getting a little heavy on the anti.
And not so much on the hero anymore.
No one else is picking up on it.
This guy's the best!
Tony! Yeah! Walter! Sure!
What is his name?
Hank Moody.
Bro, you know what?
Come to think of it, if I could rethink
when college, when I should have just
dropped out then instead of continuing to try
the first episode of Californication. I was like, that's what I want to be. That's what I want to be when I should have just dropped out then instead of continuing to try, the first episode of Californication.
I was like, that's what I want to be.
That's what I want to be when I grow up.
All right.
Let's get into our interviews.
Unfortunately, I kind of got it.
You did.
I was going to say, you kind of nailed it.
I regret my choices.
Back to college.
We got a double dip for you. We got Kevin Heffernan and –
Kat Timp.
And Kat Timp on the show today.
So two interviews to round things out for you.
Let's start off with Kev.
We'll see you next week.
We will see you next week, some of you.
Otherwise, we'll be back with other episodes.
Yes, sir.
Mix on Monday.
Regular episodes Tuesday, Thursday.
We'll see you in Texas. Houston Wednesday, sir. Mix on Monday. Regular episodes Tuesday, Thursday. See you in Texas.
Houston Wednesday.
Dallas Thursday.
Austin Saturday.
Austin Saturday.
Are you guys not going to Chicago?
I hear everyone's going.
No.
We are New York.
Well, I'm a New York boy.
He's a Boston boy.
We're staying put.
I remember Boston.
I remember that.
Yeah.
Was there pressure to go there or no?
Or do you regularly go?
Well, I mean, it was never in the cards for me.
I'm a New York guy like through and through.
I also – we're more like doing the stand-up comedy.
We're not doing stand-up.
A lot of our show is comics and whatnot.
So New York makes a lot more sense for us.
But the –
What's going to happen here?
Is it going to empty out or what's going to –
I think they'll probably trim – it will trim out a little bit.
But I think we were kind of overcrowded as is.
So I think there's a lot of people that will have more space to operate here in New York and hopefully flourish a little bit.
This is – for us, it's kind of like, yeah, like we have more room.
We have less people to deal with.
We have –
The man is not cracking down on you?
Yeah, no, not really.
He is a man, you know.
Yeah, he's – okay.
He's gone. He's in the now. Yeah, he's, okay. He's gone, gone.
Okay.
He's in the middle
of a race war right now.
He's fighting people
on the internet all day.
He did the Angel Reese thing.
Oh, did he weigh in on that?
He dove head first
into that one.
Oh, he did.
And whose side did he take?
The Iowa side
or the LSU side?
I do,
his reasoning is he was like, I bet on Iowa.
Yeah.
He lost.
He would have won $250,000 if AFL-SU lost and they won.
So he does not like them.
And so, yeah.
I mean, that's the internet at its worst, man.
You're from Connecticut, right?
I'm from Connecticut.
Are you a UConn guy?
I am a UConn guy.
But like –
Congratulations, I guess.
Yeah, they had a good one.
I watched it last night. I mean, I stopped kind of following UConn guy? I am a UConn guy. Congratulations, I guess. I watched it last night.
I stopped following UConn basketball, but my dad is a huge UConn guy.
He watched the girls way more than the guys.
That's so weird.
That was the only other time.
Women are having their moment now, but UConn women's was fucking force.
My dad was like, fucking hardcore.
Really?
Well, he comes from an era where the game was below the rim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And fucking hardcore. Really? Well, I mean, like,
he comes from an era where the game was below the rim.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that's what he likes.
That's how they play.
No, that is a big-time,
old, white guy.
The passing is crisp,
and the fundamentals are great.
Yeah, yeah.
New balances and tube socks.
Yeah.
But, like, to, you know,
see kind of a guy like that,
like, he's, like, you know,
defending, you know.
Yeah, it's very... The women's team, you're like... It's funny to... It's like, hey, the Giants like that. He's defending the women's team.
It's funny.
He's like, hey, the Giants are on.
I don't care.
UConn's in the thing.
It's very backwards.
I'm not a big basketball guy, so I watch very little and even less college basketball.
But I watched this weekend, basically.
I watched the games.
And last night, I was like, there is a noticeable lack of Kaitlyn Clark in this game.
I'd care about this game way
more if Kaitlyn Clark was in it. But it wasn't much of a game,
Andy. It was over when it started.
Well, that's the problem when you have
the Cinderella's make it deep. I guess so.
God bless them.
I watch less college basketball.
Yeah, no, no. UConn, and they're
a storied program. UConn could be a
16 seed, but people know UConn.
They have a good run.
Ain't nobody giving a shit about San Diego State.
Sorry, boys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like a great run and all that, but you just don't have the history and all that.
And that's what college basketball is built on.
But that was the excitement of them being there.
But it was like they would get within like seven and people would be going crazy.
You know what I mean?
But it was like – it was never –
I actually turned off – there was an ad for a TV show
for Rabbit Hole,
which I watch.
What's Rabbit Hole?
It's the Kiefer Sutherland one.
Oh, hell yeah.
Sure, it's Kiefer.
And they put an ad
in the middle of the game.
They were like,
check out Rabbit Hole.
I was like,
oh, fuck, that's right.
There was a new episode last night.
And it pulled you away.
Advertising, it works.
It really works.
I put that on
and then I was still
kind of messing around on Twitter and people were like, oh, it's a game now. And by the time I turned the game on 30 seconds later, it works. I put that on, and then I was still kind of messing around on Twitter.
People were like, oh, it's a game now.
And by the time I turned the game on 30 seconds later, it was like 15 points again.
I was like, what are you talking about?
You're my keeper for this?
The dream tournament is Cinderella's make it to the Elite Eight, and then the final four is all like ones and two seats.
Which is kind of usually, then.
Yeah, that's why it's usually great.
But this is why everyone's bracket was fucked.
Yeah.
I haven't filled out a bracket in a while.
I couldn't tell you when.
But I saw this year, after the first weekend, there was zero crack brackets.
I mean, once there was two 15 and a 16, it was like...
I'm sure there's a few people who picked UConn to win it at all.
But, I mean, that's...
Dan?
Dan, Big Cat,
one of the guys leading Chicago,
he put down $5,000
January 9th to win it all.
$175K.
Holy shit, Shabby.
He's a Chicago guy, isn't he?
What's he rooting for UConn for?
He's a gambler first.
Gambling knows no bounds.
Gambling is, you know, there's no allegiance to anybody anywhere other than the green.
Okay.
Responsibly, of course.
Yeah.
So I was, you know, we were just watching some of the trailers and some of the stuff out there on Quasi.
March 20th.
No, April 20th.
March 20th.
420, bro.
420, bro.
420.
That's marketing.
That's advertising.
Can I tell you something about the 420?
Work a 69 in there and we're good to go. I've you something About the 420 I've recently gotten
Into the 420
It's legalized here
I never do illegal things
I do the 420
Got into the 420
You know I got my
The 420
I got you
It is
We've talked about it before
But it is
It's chaos
What it does
To my eating
Like it's
It's
I'm so
I'm such a rookie
I'm so Stereotypical about it I'm such a rookie.
I'm so stereotypical about it.
I'm like,
give me munchies and I will eat anything in sight.
It's insane.
I think there was one night recently
where I live above a deli
and I ordered food,
like a DoorDash, whatever.
And then I was like,
I don't have time to wait for this.
So I went downstairs and got a sandwich.
Then my DoorDash came and I ate that. Then I another door dash so I did two doors is a new thing for you yeah just discovering this I got never really smoked
I mean he's been a disgusting piece of shit a lot yeah right but the weed is now it's the amount of
food that you you know but I always ate a lot like it's not like like this is a lot of part
of my brain perspective this is him well you weren't high yesterday were you no okay this is him sober yesterday his new thing like i
dragged that silver well because i feel when you say sober about weed it feels yeah you know uh
he is into dried mangoes right now and when i say into he he ate that whole bag last night.
That's not like a stoner thing.
No, but it's – Dried mango?
He has 60 servings of mangoes in a week.
Holy shit.
I said this last –
It's good for you.
It's madness.
I would –
Imagine if he's high.
Forget it.
I'd venture to guess I've eaten more mangoes in a week than 99% of the population eats in their life.
In the American population. That's a weird
stone food, though.
I mean, you know. But that was sober.
What's even weirder? Is he sober?
Yeah. That's even fucking weird.
I thought you were saying you did it because you know.
No, when I'm stoned, it's like a bear broke into my house.
I'll wake up in the morning and the cabinets
are open. There's melted ice cream
on the floor.
When I'm stoned, that's when I... We used to say when we were stoned, 100 baby chickens must die.
Because you get 50 wings.
So 100 baby chickens must die.
How many baby chickens do you think you've eaten in your life?
A shitload.
That's actually a great...
High and not high.
We have a question, and we'll do it after this interview for Answer the Internet.
And it's if you die and you get up to the pearly gates and you could ask one – you can have one statistic about your life.
Right.
One number.
How many – how much money did I make?
How many beers did I drink?
Whatever.
Right.
How many chickens did you eat in your life?
Just for you alone.
Because chickens are out here just getting so hard.
Because sometimes you're in a room with five dudes and you order 200 wings.
That's so many chickens.
That's a lot of dead chickens.
Factor in how many eggs we ate too.
I don't know where you're staying on abortion.
That's unbelievable.
That's a lot of fucking chickens.
Little chickens though. Little wings. I don't like the big stand on abortion, but that's kind of unbelievable. That's a lot of fucking chickens. Little chickens, though.
Little wings.
I don't like the big ones.
The little ones.
We had Steve-O on, and Steve-O was talking about that exact question.
His answer was, he's like, I'd like to know how many animals I saved in my life by being vegan and his activism and all that.
We're the opposite.
How many cows did I murder?
I don't even think you can calculate that if you're vegan.
It's easier to figure out how many cows I killed.
There's a direct
correlation. Add the ounces up.
Cows, pigs, and chickens.
He's been
eating tons of mangoes.
I've been legitimately eating a pint of ice cream
a night for probably nine straight months now.
Shout out to Haagen-Dazs Caramel Cone.
Please send me free product.
I'm begging you because it's killing me. Wait, you're –
A pint a night, John.
You're hassling me about my mangoes and you're eating a pint a night?
That's why I'm telling the world because everybody's got their thing, at least the despicable ones.
Do you have anything disgusting like that?
Are you despicable?
I don't think I'm despicable. I've had this conversation with
my wife recently and Steve Lemme, the guy I worked with
recently, and they
asked if I could bring a food
to an island.
What would I bring? And my answer,
they are always flabbergasted.
My answer is pretzels.
What?
And they think that's the fucking lamest thing.
Well, it's also the worst thing.
You're stranded.
You don't have water.
You're fucking.
You're talking about not, you know, like, tortilla chips.
Like, Doritos.
And they're like, no, pretzels.
I would bring pretzels.
And they're like, what are you, fucking crazy?
And I'm like, salty bread.
Salty bread.
Are we doing rods?
Are we doing twisties?
Are we doing nuggets?
Are we doing?
Any of them.
You've got to have a preference, though.
I like a good sourdough pretzel.
Sourdough?
Sourdough.
Yeah, krill.
What about soft versus hard?
I like soft.
Soft is great.
Soft?
Soft pretzels?
But, like, they think I'm a fucking lunatic,
because I said I was supposed to eat a desert island.
That is a pretty ridiculous choice.
Just sucking pretzel rods to get the salt off.
I get that fucking tub from Costco.
Yeah, yeah.
Big fucking pretzel. And I just plow from Costco. Big fucking, and I just
plow through that. And that's not as
sexy as mangoes.
I wouldn't bring mangoes to an aisle. There's plenty of mangoes there.
That's where I get them from.
From Costco, right? The bag of dried mangoes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get those too.
I don't eat them like you do.
Nobody in this world does, man.
I, as,
you know, we've been here now now we've been in this podcast for over
on our 11th year okay i've been a bar stool three three yeah so i you were our first post pandemic
i was but that was remote that was remote but you were we were uh yeah yeah remember that but
that was the one where that was funny because like you and steve were in your houses and you
were just like giving us a tour and i was like oh this is gonna be cool like zooms do tours and then
and then everyone's got a studio in their house now yeah yeah it was less you know less sexy right
yeah i i uh i remember that yeah because we were promoting super trooper no no tacoma
but even just you know being in the in the game for a little bit uh
i'm starting to you know we've been together longer and seen a lot of people come and go and all that.
I mean you guys have been a tight-knit crew consistently working with each other for a long time now.
I think going on 30 – 25 or 30 years.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
So as long as we've been doing this like times three and you guys are still cool with each other, still pumping out good.
For the most part.
For the most part.
You're getting fights and shit.
Do you guys have fights?
I saw a clip recently of Charlie Day and Rob McElhaney.
Yeah.
And they were talking.
They were both kind of drunk.
They were talking on their Always Sunny podcast.
I think it was a Christmas special.
It was a St. Patrick's Day special, whatever it was.
And they were talking about the fights they have in the writers' room.
It's not like friendship fights, but how they go at each other.
And it was a very interesting clip.
It was like eight to ten minutes, something like that.
And they were talking.
They were like, I want to fight right now.
We're not going to do it because we're on camera.
I want to fight with you right now.
Like fist fight or just kind of get into an argument?
Just to argue.
And they were arguing over episodes because they've been doing it for the longest shit too.
They were arguing over jokes in an episode like 15 years old.
And they were like, no.
Charlie was like, no, I still think we shouldn't have had that in there.
I still think this would have been funnier.
Yeah.
And they're kind of like –
But it was like tense.
It was like, oh, boy, this is a little something here.
We do that sometimes.
It's definitely when you're younger you did it.
You know what I mean?
You dig your heels and shit. But we also have a – ago. We do that sometimes. It was definitely when you were younger you did it. You know what I mean? Yeah. You'd dig your heels and shit.
But we also have a – God, I saw it recently.
I'm going to talk about it and you're going to want to see it,
but I don't know how to show it to you.
But we had a fist fight between two of the guys in Boston.
And we were promoting Super Troopers.
And we were at a bar or whatever and everyone got drunk
and it spilled out onto the street.
Because, you know
in Boston
they shut their bars
at a one o'clock
yeah
plus ease
and so
JJ Foley's
they'll keep you
until 3 or 4
so like 1.15
we're out on the street
and
Jay Chandrasekhar
and Eric Stolhansky
two of the guys
started getting into
a little shoving thing
and it started as a joke
as always it does
and then it turned into
not a joke
and you know
the cameras were out.
The things were out.
We had a documentarian with us.
Oh, your cameras.
I could use fucking film at, yeah.
I thought you meant, like, fans on their phones and shit.
No, no.
We were shooting it.
Oh, wow.
And we have the footage, like, of them.
No way.
Like, beating the shit out of each other.
And, like, one of the guys, like, rubbing the guy on a fence.
Like, outside of a bar.
You know what I mean?
Waking him.
And every once in a while
it'll pop up
and I'll tell you this
Searchlight
who we made the movie with
I think Jay
turned over a bunch of videos
to them recently
for promotion
and he
I think accidentally
turned over that video
and then somebody
watched the Searchlight
and then Slohanci
who was the guy
who got beat up
who got this face
you know
he was like
I don't want that video
to be seen
I know
so wait
that was a time
of real fist fight
is this public
or no
it's out there
or not out there
it might be
it's out there
for you guys
well
because we shot
a documentary
of that tour
and then
like some of it
went out
as EPK stuff
somewhere
you might be able
to find it
but it's
Chandrasekhar beating
Stolansky up
on the street
in Boston
outside of a bar brother you gotta if that's not out there you gotta putcker beating Stalinski up on the street in Boston outside of a bar.
Brother you gotta
if that's not out
there you gotta put
that out there.
You put that on the
internet to promote
the movie?
There's a guy who
doesn't want it out
there.
Fuck it.
You know how many
videos I don't want
out there myself?
My whole career is
don't put that out
but I gotta put that
out there.
He has some sort of
control.
So your face is
getting rubbed against
a fence while you're
being physically
assaulted?
Big deal, dude.
I love it and I love
to see it every time I see it.
I'd like to be a fly on the wall
at the brunch the next morning
of people who walked by
rubbing their head, I need a water and a Bloody Mary.
Walking home last night,
I think I saw a broken lizard
kicking the shit out of his hand
and he's got a fence
with a handprint
on his face
and whatever
no that
that was the only
I think that was
the only real fist fight
but that was
that was a legit fist fight
that's fucking hilarious
it's in Boston
it inspires you
the last fight
I was ever in
hopefully
I
it was like a bar
scrap sort of thing.
I had a friend who is in a wheelchair, but he's also still very mouthy.
Okay.
That's the worst.
It's going to get weird.
Dude, I'm going to have to do this fight.
It's like when your girlfriend picks a fight for you.
It's worse because he's funny and he's clever, so he would kill these guys.
And he'd be drunk and he'd be like, what are you going to do about it?
I'm going to punch your friend.
That's what I'm going to do about it.
But no, this one guy, he started to kind of grab him by the collar.
And then me and all his buddies are kind of like, you can't hit our friend who's in a wheelchair.
So it ends up being almost like a cartoon scrap where there's a big ball of dirt rolling.
You know what I mean?
And it spills out onto the street.
So they're fighting the guy in the wheelchair?
He was grabbing the guy in the wheelchair. And we jump on him i think he had a couple friends
next thing you know we spill out into the street this is this is at uh 30th and third at tonic the
bartonic which is like the most bridge and tunnel place ever yeah uh and like we spill out and it's
rolling in the street and it's such a mess that at one point I'm in a headlock. Someone's got me in a headlock and I'm kind of like throwing punches
and we realize that was my buddy.
We ended up just grabbing everybody to the point that my friend
But that's the guy in the wheelchair?
No, no, the guy in the wheelchair.
You're hitting a guy in a fucking wheelchair?
But I remember being like, I got to hang it up, man.
What are we doing? We're fighting each other in the streets. but I remember being like, I gotta hang it up, man. Like, we don't,
what are we doing?
We're fighting each other
in the streets.
That's like the, you know,
the action movie moment
where the guy's in a bar fight
and they turn around.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me ask you this.
Where does the inspiration
for a film like Quasi come from?
Like, what's the moment
where you're like,
you know what we gotta do?
We gotta do Hunchback. We gotta do the Hunchback movie, you know what we gotta do we gotta do a hunchback we gotta do the hunchback movie you know uh yeah no it was a long time ago
we were we were actually it was when we were writing super troopers and we were living here
and um lem let me uh worked at uh hmv records which you know it's no longer anymore no there
are no record stores anymore right but he would he a record store. We all had odd jobs or whatever.
He worked up on the Upper East Side.
How cliche.
It's super.
Inspiring comedian actor working in the record store.
Yeah, and he would steal CDs and take them home.
He had a CD collection.
For sure.
And so there was some guy there that he worked with who was in the jazz department or whatever.
And he was this weird guy who kind of talked out of the side of his mouth and he would tell him about you
know the lonely weekend that you had because nobody likes or whatever and it's just like
let me start doing this guy's a character you know like started doing like this guy like talking
outside of his mouth and we always thought it was a funny character he would do it in like the right
moment you know and uh we started writing this character and we were like oh how can we make
that guy such a sad guy and we put him in this position and we were like, oh, how can we make that guy such a sad guy,
and we put him in this position
where he was caught between the king and the pope,
and we thought it was really funny,
and so we just started writing that script,
and that was 20 years ago,
and then we would put it away,
and you'd pull it out,
and there'd be jokes in there
that didn't make sense anymore,
but some of them remain.
We have a Mark Gasano joke in this movie.
people watching don't know who the fuck's Mark Gasano.
And they're like, well, I know Mark Gasano.
But that was a
1990s joke or 1980s joke or whatever it was.
But anyway, that stuff's still in there. So we
kept pulling it out. And then after
we made Super Troopers 2,
the studio was like,
what do you guys want to do next? And we're like, well, we have the script. And they're like, how about Super Troopers 2, the studio was like, you know, what do you guys want to do next?
And we're like,
well,
we have the script,
you know?
And they're like,
how about Super Troopers 3?
Have the script.
And,
and they're like,
okay,
okay.
And they read it
and they thought it was really funny,
you know?
It's just the,
you know,
it's,
you know,
Monty Python-esque.
It's very,
very much Monty Python-esque.
It's like,
you know.
I was a huge Python guy too.
Yeah.
At a weird age.
I was like nine,
like doing doing the clapping
doing the black knight
we always wanted to do that
when we did sketches and stuff
you'd put weird wigs on
was Monty Python a part of
specifically that?
definitely
that's like the Beatles
you can't touch that
so whatever
we try to do it
but you know
we said
let's do this
and we were shocked
that they said yes
because we're
like in wigs
and doing like weird accents
and that type of shit
but it was hysterical
what a pain in the ass
it's gotta be
oh it's horrible
yeah
who draws
like you draw
straws
that was his character
that's what he wanted to do
And then like
He said that wasn't as bad
As he would have to walk
As a hunchback
Yes
And that was the thing
And I think it like
Fucked up his spine
I bet
Or his leg or whatever
Turned into an actual hunchback
Doing this shit
And
But I mean you know
We would be on the set
And you're like looking around
And that dude's in like
A pope outfit
And that's a king outfit
And you're like Holy shit this is hysterical in like a pope outfit and that's a king outfit. And you're like, holy shit, this is hysterical.
Yeah, yeah.
Usually we're in whatever cop uniforms or firefighter uniforms or whatever it is.
And so, you know.
Usually you're a stripper.
Yeah.
It was shocking.
It was shocking.
I mean, it was great.
What's the amount of acting that Lemmy puts into learning how to walk like a hunchback?
I remember we had Juice from Sunday Anarchy.
Oh, Theo Rossi.
And he was talking about, I forget what movie he was promoting,
but he was talking about how he learned to do a limp.
And he took it for weeks and all that stuff.
And we're like, dude, just put a rock in your shoe.
And he's like, no, no, no, I'm dedicated to the craft.
Method acting when you've got to turn into Quasimodo is a tough one. just put a rock in your shoe and he's like no no no I'm dedicated to the craft yeah method acting
when you gotta turn
into Quasimodo
is a tough one
I don't think
Lemmy does that
like
Lemmy better than me
like he jokes about it
we did the movie
Club Dread
and in it
I have a scene
where I
like do sword work
you know
and
so they're like
alright we're gonna get you
a martial arts expert
to show you whatever.
I was like, fuck that.
Yeah, come on.
And I just went out there and did this shit.
It's kind of funny.
Yeah, definitely.
Those guys gave me shit of like, don't you care about your craft?
Like, fuck that.
We're making a comedy movie.
Seriously.
So that's been kind of the vibe after that.
It's like, we did get a guy to come and do accent, like a dialogue.
Sure.
That makes a little bit of sense.
I can see that.
It made a little bit of sense, but it kind of went out the window.
It's like –
So you're doing it halfway doing it?
Yeah.
Like Chandler Zegar, every scene he's in, he does a different British accent.
So like in one of them, he's like Senator Palpatine or whatever from Star Wars.
He's a Monty Python guy in another one.
That's hilarious.
Talking about like the – Who fucking cares? Having like's a Monty Python guy in another one. That's hilarious. The talking about like the,
having like the karate guys
or whatever come in.
Yeah.
Like,
Ron's like,
who was it?
Fucking,
I forget his name.
John Wick.
I'm going to see that tonight.
The,
but who else said it?
Anthony Hopkins also said it
where he doesn't act.
I can't think of
the acting person
that was like,
have you tried acting? Oh, olivia yeah yeah yeah marathon man
and um that's that's been a hot topic for a couple years but certainly right now i feel like
brian cox talked about it again because yeah his co-star is like a maniac yeah he's like
fuck that shit he's like go back to your trailer and smoke a joint shut up yeah actually he's
awesome it is like daniel day lewis does that too where it's like uh uh you like it's like, go back to your trailer and smoke a joint. Shut up. Yeah, yeah. Actually, he's awesome. It is like Daniel Day-Lewis does that too where it's like – it's not acting anymore.
You just became it.
Yeah.
It's way more impressive to me.
You're not an actor.
You're a black belt.
Yeah.
It's like I'm impressed that you're so dedicated.
You made your actual life about this.
But it's way more impressive to me if you can go, I'll be this guy.
I'll be this guy.
I'll be this guy.
You can just flip a switch.
That to me is like acting.
Yeah, yeah. And also it's like – Who am I? I'll be this guy, I'll be this guy. You can just flip a switch. That to me is like acting.
Yeah, yeah.
And also think about it.
We have five dudes.
You get made fun of so hard if you take it too seriously.
Oh, my God.
I can't even imagine you guys. For whatever it is.
I mean if somebody did that shit, you're like, oh, you're fucking getting a dialectical.
Yeah.
Oh, you need a karate guy.
That's exactly it.
Those guys, God bless them, and I'm sure they do great work.
Those guys don't have their buddies.
They don't have friends.
They don't have them on set.
And they probably don't have the right guys in their life to be like,
you fucking loser.
You're going to become a black belt for Club Dread?
Why don't you just go out there and do this?
We were having a debate about the most embarrassing things to get caught doing
um the other day using a using a bubbler was one like using a water fountain you come up
like a little messy and shit but one i thought of on the walk here for some reason uh the word
once embarrassing to get caught doing is bettering yourself. In any way. Trying.
You're trying?
What a fucking loser.
I've said before, like, early Barstool days,
I would get, like, under my desk,
just take my daily multivitamin.
You take your vitamin. Which is bullshit.
I mean, you know, but that's the culture, right?
We used to call it the house of pain.
The house of pain because you just get to know. Look at Feidelberg.
Look at Feidelberg
getting his vitamin D
and fucking idiot.
But if I was
Keanu Reeves
and I'm going to do
that movie,
I will learn how to
use those guns
and how to do
that thing, you know?
But we're making
a comedy movie.
There was a time
at Barstool,
now some people
get some money
and a little bit of fame
and they want to
dress right
and look right
and be cool
and all that.
There was a time though he's always been pretty fashion forward while the rest of us
were not.
Good for you.
But when I say fashion forward, like, he came to work wearing a scarf.
And we were like, dude, this guy's a loser.
No, dude, the worst one was I wore a raincoat.
A raincoat.
We're like, what Kevin?
I'm not talking about, like, what kind of pussy wears a raincoat?
Sure.
I'm not talking about like,
I was looking at the deadliest catch.
I wore a waterproof jacket on a day.
It was raining.
Sure.
Like a black jacket.
Yeah, black is bright yellow. You are such a loser.
You should kill yourself.
What are you trying to prevent?
Getting wet?
Yeah, it's fucking thumping rain.
You know, every series of things.
Like, I remember when
Jay Chandrasekhar,
the first time we saw him use a cell phone
and he took it we were at sundance he like he was talking to somebody about business and he
had a cell phone he he went and hid in a bush because he didn't want anybody to see him use
this is like 1998 anything anything you can get an edge on.
It went to,
it got to a head for him though.
He,
we made fun of him so hard,
Super Troopers 2.
We were shooting in Massachusetts
and he was away from his family
or whatever
and they came out and visited.
They brought the dog
with him
and so it's a,
he has a little dog
and so there's one scene
where,
yeah,
like,
while he was directing,
like,
he had the dog in his fucking hand as he's directing.
It was like Mike Myers in –
Doctor Who.
Yeah, yeah.
It was relentless, just ripping.
And whatever.
He was happy to see his dog.
We should have been nicer guys.
Yo, you're experiencing happiness?
Let me fix that real quick.
Yeah, it's like Lemmy makes fun of me Because I've had the same clothes for 25 years
But the second I get a new piece of clothes
He gives me shit for it
I like that
Like you know the
Fashion will go this way and then come back that way
And you just go right in the middle
Stay right in the middle the whole time
That's why I still have an AOL account
It's going to come back around My I still have an AOL account.
Welcome.
It's going to come back around.
My mom still has an AOL account, and it's like – it's a borderline inappropriate name now.
At AOL.com?
Yeah.
What do you mean inappropriate?
We'll beep her email address, but it's her email address because this is – when she was – when my brother was young, he had a paper route.
OK.
And like he was like eight, whatever he was. He did not had a paper route. Okay. And he was like eight, whatever he was.
He did not have a paper route at eight.
He's the worst with ages.
I was driving a car at seven.
I'm going to text my mom while we do this.
But she had to do it.
He was so young.
My mom and my dad would wake up and drive him on his paper route.
Wow. Talk about parents.
I'd be like, guess what we're not doing anymore.
Take care of the dog.
The kid's dog.
Her email address was papergirl
at AOL.com
which was our address.
papergirl at AOL.com
Polly the paper girl. She still uses it today. Is that at AOL.com. Polly the
Papergirl.
Let's go.
And she still
uses it today.
Is that right?
I get email,
like,
she has another
one now that
she uses for,
maybe she doesn't
have a job,
but like,
yeah,
yeah.
But like,
when I get emails
from my mom,
they're from
Papergirl.
Do you remember
that acronym,
the club she
worked for?
Oh,
no.
The old ladies
in the sea thing?
No,
it was just,
my mom moved
to like the
country and is just so bored.
What's the country?
Like they live in Westport, Mass., which is like there's beaches and farms and shit like that.
And they – she has nothing to do.
She's so impossibly bored.
And so –
Why don't you get a new email address?
That would be exciting. So she fucking joined this club called like Old Women Fishing for Trash or something like that.
And they just go – and she's not that old.
Like she's – I think she does it to feel better about how old the women actually are.
She's like, yeah, I'm in this.
She's like –
Here it is.
It's old ladies Here it is. Old ladies
against underwater garbage.
Olog?
Yeah, Olog
or whatever.
Underwater.
Like tires.
Look at these broads.
These hardened broads from
another era just on the kayak.
They go and clean up dirty oceans.
And look at them pulling out tires and shit.
That's pretty nice.
There's like the size of a football field off the coast of LA.
Do you guys think you'll just do this until you're shitting in your diapers?
I think so.
We keep trying to figure out what different scripts we have to write
in order to, as you get older,
what you can do.
Because they want to make Super Trooper straight.
I'm like, okay.
Who's that?
The studio or you guys?
The studio, yeah.
Well, so do we.
We've written a few drafts of it.
But it's like, how long can you go?
Have you ever thought about
just doing Fast and the Furious?
Like, let's just make 10 of them.
Seriously, though.
Like, what, you know, like, I think there was a time
where some people at Hollywood kind of got stuck up about,
like, you know, the art form,
and we've got to diversify and show you can do this and that.
And then there are guys who do Fast and the Furious
and Olympus Has Fallen and these things.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kevin's listening to my favorite movies.
That's all he's listening to.
Let's just run it back
and do it forever.
Make a boatload of money
and have a ton of fans.
And every time you get more and more silly.
But they didn't want to.
The studio didn't want to.
Oh, really?
That's why we did a crowdfunding thing
for the second one.
That's right.
We tried to make it.
Yeah, well, there was a thing.
They said, no, no, no, no.
Funny how that works.
And then we did the crowdfunding thing, and we raised, like, five million bucks in 24
hours.
Jesus.
And before that, they were like, just why don't you do it on your own?
Don't mention our names.
And then we raised five million bucks, and the next day, they were like, you can say
our name.
And then it delivered, and then they were like, let's make another one.
And I know that's how it works.
And you're like, let's just go make the money and do the movie.
Everyone's happy.
But it should be like, fuck you, we're going to the other guys.
It should be.
Marilyn Monroe.
If you can't handle me, my crowd fund me.
You don't deserve me.
Go fund me, whatever.
I think you guys should just run it forever, man.
I would.
I mean, we talked about it.
First of all, Brian Cox, how long could he go?
Until he can't.
I mean, he's still an animal.
Yeah.
But like when we shot two, he was like, you know,
I don't work after dark.
I'm like, what do you mean?
He's like, don't write me into any night scenes.
I was like, okay.
And so I remember we shot one scene with him, and we made it the easiest.
It was like, Brian, it has to be nighttime for this scene.
He's like, no.
I'm like, we'll make it super easy.
He's like, okay.
So his scene, he had to shoot at like 930.
We waited to the last second, drove to his hotel, picked him up, brought him to the set, and he was there for about a half an hour.
And he was fucking furious.
He was furious.
Like Logan Roy.
He's like, fuck you, fuck this, fuck you.
And we couldn't have been, I thought, more accommodating.
Yeah.
But he was pissed.
But it's because he's like like i don't work after night so like now we write
the third one and you're like well fuck we can't write anything at nighttime with brian in it you
know the whole movie just occurs during the day and then like when do we start doing that you know
how how hard is it to do because we've started trying to do our own little sketch stuff here
and like i never realized and it's stupid i should have
how important like the vibes are before to do something funny yeah like like i can't imagine
having brian cox angry and then being like all right it's time to be funny now like we almost
just scrapped the whole shoot the other day just because like we were all we had to drive out to
long island and it took a while or take the tram to long island and we just like someone was late
and like no one was feeling we're like let's just go home
yeah like we're not ready to be funny. Oh the sketch guys are becoming divas out here.
The vibes aren't right. I think it's the opposite where it's like how are we gonna be funny right now like we're all at each other's throats
right yeah how hard is it to like flip that like it's kind of what we're
talking about with you know other acting things where you know just acting but
like it's even doing a podcast man sometimes like you don't want to do a podcast it's the shittiest podcast in the world because you're
just like who cares you know but you're fighting fighting fighting whatever then the microphone
goes on yeah that happens all the time though i mean but you know first of all it's the money of
it right so like when it's like you know when someone's paying millions of bucks
right right right get over your little squabble and fucking act.
Yeah, but also it's like, you know,
like we were talking about,
it's like these five dudes you went to school with.
So it's like, it's never really,
like we could have the worst fight in the world
and then the next day it doesn't fucking matter.
Yeah.
It doesn't really matter.
It doesn't even need to be like discussed, right?
But I mean, I could see like, you know,
if there's bad blood or something's toxic or whatever,
it starts going downhill, you know. there's bad blood or something's toxic or whatever starts going downhill
you know
but we've never really
had that problem
because we
kind of insulate ourselves
from it a little bit
you know
but I don't know
I think it's
I think it's way worse
than a drama
or you know
something like that
but at least drama
you want attention
so you're
I guess so yeah
you're already like
you're kind of going for that
but I don't think I've ever
I can't do this
like we never
I don't think we've ever I can't do this I've read that
the
Kevin Costner on
Yellowstone
as the show got more and more successful
his demands and his scheduling
went from like
we'll shoot six months out of the year
down to like 90 days
and his latest request
and I think the reason they're splitting
was that he said I'll give you five days to shoot the season yeah yeah i read that like i
don't know but it's kind of true like did you have you watched yellowstone yeah yeah yeah yeah like
i feel like the first seasons was less costner like they would use costner you know every once
in a while yeah and like then this last one's he's like the governor or whatever it is and you're
like you know in his mind he's probably like fuck, fuck, I didn't sign up for this shit.
Next thing you know, he's in a gunfight in the streets.
And you're like, wait, I don't know if they jumped the shark or whatever.
But you're like, I mean, he's probably like, oh, man, I didn't sign up for this shit.
Well, you know, how funny is that?
I'm sure you're at an age, you get to an age where it's like, it's awesome that all of a sudden you're on a hit show.
But then you're also on a hit show yeah
but then you're also on a hit show yeah yeah i was planning on doing a small screen thing for
one season next thing you know you got to do six it's like oh you know champagne problems but it
is something to think about i mean but like you know he's got probably whatever other projects
he wants to do or whatever but that's a fucking money machine stuff and so like you know those
the creators and stuff they don't want to lose him or lose that situation
I read yesterday
or a couple days ago
that like Paramount Plus
is very confident
in Hogan Beck
they're gonna work it out
but whatever
they got fucking
10 others
I mean I've watched
all of them too
I watched 1883
and 1923
I've watched all that shit
it's just years now
it's just gonna be
you know
in a year they'll do it
it's good
I enjoy it
it's like
it's just like cowboys.
It's like you can make it just...
Yeah.
Those have been cool forever.
But put Harrison Ford in it.
Put Sam Malley in it.
And it's...
McConaughey.
Do you think that there will be a...
What's the modern equivalent of cowboys?
Like 100 years from now, will people make a movie being like
they were
Silicon Valley men.
It just doesn't seem to have the same...
We were talking about gangster movies the other day.
I've never seen Sopranos
and I'm watching it now.
What I don't understand,
I can't grasp,
is why that became
aspirational for a generation.
Why people grew up, and there are so many people now
still who are like, I'm a gay, so I'm a
tiny guy. They don't
live well.
It's not like...
Even when you're doing the gunfights and selling
drugs and all this stuff, you think at the end
of the day, I guess you could argue Tony Soprano's
house is nice. It's fine.
It's not like he's living lavish. This is what you get. Most of them live in two deckers. It's about the familiar, I guess you could argue Tony Soprano's house is nice. It's fine. It's not like he's living lavish.
This is what you get? Most of them live in two-deckers.
It's about the familiar.
It is, but it's also the same way the fucking
Cowboys. Did you watch the 83? It's like
smallpox and whatever.
This is 2000s.
I said, just go work
at Fidelity. You'll have a better life.
You're not risking life and limb.
If you don't greet someone the right way, you're not risking life and limb and if you don't greet someone
the right way
you're not risking
disrespect
it's the adrenaline
bro
it's the adrenaline
you know having
like the AJ Soprano
of the skit
just go work for Fidelity
like that
I don't want to do it
I'm selling insurance
leave me alone
have you guys
watched Tulsa King
no
I started it
the other day
and I heard
yeah I wasn't able to
I was shocked
the first episode
of Sly
just like
rolling into Tulsa
and dominating the scene
robbing those guys
and barking out orders
like you forget
like you know
in the movies
you don't see
he doesn't say much
or you know
whatever
in a lot of these movies
but this Tulsa King
he's in every fucking scene
and he's having sex
with women
you know
whatever it is
and you're like
holy shit
this is fun
and I still do
he's up there in age too
isn't he
yeah he's like 75
they lean into it they're like yeah I this is funny and I still do he's up there in age too isn't he yeah like 75 they lean into it
they're like
yeah I'm 75 years old
why are you sleeping with me
there's a scene
when he gets
he did like 25 years
and he kept his mouth
shut the whole time
and then he gets
on the outside
and they don't really
reward him
and he flips tables
and he's screaming
and they lean into it
like he's got the
fucking shitty
like weird haircut and the and the tan you know and they lean into like he's got the fucking shitty like weird haircut
and the
and the tan
you know what I mean
but they
I don't know
they do it well
what was your
like when you were
growing up
what were your
movies that were like
or actors or whatever
were your
I would say
like those
like all those
kind of Landis movies
and whatever
like Blues Brothers
and you know
Animal House
and those things
were definitely like the movies that we watched or you know like Eddie Murphy and you guys were making movies and whatever like blues brothers and you know animal house and and those things were
definitely like the movies that we watched or you know you guys were making movies and tv and
scripts in front of the beginning or are you doing stand-up we were doing sketch sketch so
and we started doing sketch um like videos you know and um and then um it was kind of like we
were here in new york it was kind of that era of Kevin Smith and Richard Rodriguez and Linklater.
Robert Rodriguez and Richard Linklater.
And those guys were making those low-budget movies.
And so we went in that direction.
And we started making movies that way.
When you were doing sketches, where were live sketch comedies?
Yeah, we were here.
Yeah, we were like...
Was there anywhere you were putting it out for consumption? You mean in terms of like out on the... Yeah. No were here. Yeah, we were like... Was there anywhere you were putting it out
for consumption?
You mean in terms of like out?
Yeah.
No, no.
It was just live here.
I mean, it was, you know,
that was 93, right over it.
So we would do
wherever we could get space downtown.
Usually it would be
like a cabaret club
like in the village
or something like that.
These guys just started
a sketch show
and one episode was out.
Barstool has always been more
never been scripted, just podcasts or videos.
It was off the cuff.
Yeah.
And this is by far our best.
And you're shooting them.
Yeah.
Do you have a set or are you shooting stuff in locations?
No.
It was a apartment or whatever.
But God damn, it came out so fucking funny.
The first one, most of the apartment.
And the sky is the limit
for stuff like that
when you get the right guys together
and the right vibe
and the right writing
and the right premises
and who's paying
like Barstool puts up
some dough for it
or are you paying
out of your pocket
I mean it's super low
you're not allowed
to discuss that
no it's just more that
no one's putting money into it
and it'll probably
never make a dollar
but it's the funniest
fucking thing we put out there
but you have the platform
to put it out
I mean you're right you got the audience to put it out. I mean, right?
Don't get me wrong.
It should make some money.
And it was...
Barstool, even the most popular people put things out
and there's a huge group of fans.
Sure.
You hate it.
This was like 99% positive response.
I've never seen anything like it on the internet.
You know, there's always people who hate. And these like it was so well received it was so funny it was like three skits
10 or 12 minutes 11 minutes whatever it was like awesome and it just opened like my eyes and i
think a lot of people's eyes to like wow you have someone who's shooting it and editing yeah
yeah we have...
They're faking it.
They don't know what they're doing.
It's fun though.
I mean, fuck it.
I mean, we learned as we went along.
You know, when we shot the first stuff, it was like a VHS camera, you know, like one
of those big fucking ones that you have in your thing.
You put the tape in, you know, and then you would edit tape to tape, like a VCR to VCR
tape, you know what I mean?
And we're like, oh.
And we would just edit, you know, whatever, three-minute sketches so that we could change our costumes between, you know, in the live show tape you know what I mean and we're like oh and we would just edit you know whatever three minute sketch so that we could change
our costumes
between you know
in the live show
I think there's something
to that
like anytime
you just have an idea
of like
wouldn't it be funny
if the boss
said this
and did that
it's like
let's just do
a sketch
the thing is to rally
to do it
that's the hard thing
because it takes
longer than you think
and it takes longer
than you think
to edit it
and then you gotta do fucking sound whatever it is there's so many elements to it particularly with this you think. And it takes longer than you think to edit it. And then you've got to do fucking sound.
Whatever it is.
I mean, there's so many elements to it.
Particularly with this where it's like our – it's everyone who's on doing it.
It's like everyone's fourth job.
Yeah.
A little passion project.
It's hard to get everyone together.
But it is fun too because it is like – you kind of always talk about like the old days
and you reminisce about doing shows in the village and when things were like harder.
And once you make it, you kind of don't really get that anymore.
Everything's kind of taken care of.
And this, we were doing a shoot in Long Island the other day
and the scene was in a car
and we had cameras taped up with duct tape
and we had socks shoved under them to get the gang going.
People were taking off their socks like,
shoot that one, shoot that one.
I need another one.
Take your shoe off, man.
Oh, yeah,
but that's the fucking fun stuff.
That's the stuff you remember.
That's awesome
because we are at a point here
where, you know,
again, champagne problems,
but it's like
a little more corporate,
a little bit more big media,
and to get back to some of that,
that's where it's really funny.
It's stressful.
It's fun to look back
and be like,
that was hilarious.
But I still tell all those stories
anyway now.
It's like,
I was walking around
with my kids the other day.
We had a guy sneak us into NYU in Tisch in the film school at like 1 o'clock in the morning
so that we could use their edit stuff for free.
See, that's awesome.
You know what I mean?
It's a dude who's a student.
He's like, get us in there.
And they got us in there.
And we would be editing in there at night.
And then one night we got caught.
Like, who are you guys?
Nobody.
And then you you run away
and that's it
and it's you know
it's a good experience
a fun story
you guys ever think about
almost like a biography
in a way
like telling the
broken lizard story
yeah I think so
like one of the guys
Jay wrote a book recently
and he tells a bunch
of the stories
but we give him shit
because his memory's bad
so like
you know did he not consult you guys on any of because his memory's bad. So like, you know.
Did he not consult you guys on any of this shit?
It's funny.
He did.
Like, he's like, he gave it to me.
He's like, you know,
what are they called?
The galleys or whatever.
He's like, you read my book
and tell me if I'm off on anything.
And I was like, I read it.
I was like, oh, Jesus.
That's wrong.
That's wrong.
And I typed out notes from him.
I gave them back to him.
And he's like, ah, thanks. I'm them back to him and he's like
ah thanks
I'm not going to change anything
but you know
this was a courtesy
so you fucking had me
read your book
and I went through
and checked
and made sure
it was 1998
instead of 94
whatever it was
and he's like
ah you know
it's my truth
it's my truth
I think Audrey Hepburn
said don't let the truth
get in the way of a good story
yeah man
if you wrote if everybody here at Bar truth get in the way of a good story. Yeah, man. I agree.
If you wrote this,
if everybody here at Barstool
wrote the book of Barstool,
it would be 10 different books.
Radically different books.
Is this the same company?
Yep, same time, same company, same people.
And it happens now when we go around promoting.
We were in there, there's five of us,
and somebody will tell a story,
and you're like, that's not what the Wade fucking said.
Yeah, right, right.
And sometimes you just keep your mouth shut, and you're like that's not what the way it fucking happens and you know sometimes you just
keep your mouth shut
and you're like
oh he's telling
the wrong story
so you guys just
divide and conquer
on this kind of shit
sometimes yeah
I think we're gonna
meet up
they have like a
we're gonna do a little
tour where we're gonna
do like five or six
cities with screenings
cool
and so that'll start
next week
because it's kind of
weird like you know
now it's the streaming
world you know like we made the deal for this movie
in the middle of the pandemic
when there was no theater
and so now it's going to be a Hulu film
and so you don't get that experience
of sitting in a movie theater
with a crowd
I totally understand that
but I'm more of a homebody
and so the world going that direction
I would love
how do you feel about this I'm more of a homebody and so the world go in that direction I would love you know well that's what they said
it's like you know
you guys
you know
how do you feel about this
because the company
Searchlight
they're a very theatrical company
you know
like it seems like
it's the way of the world
and for us
nobody fucking watch
Super Troopers
in the movie theater
right
or Beer Fest
or whatever
they watch it with their buddies
and they watch it in the living room
or whatever
and so you learn that that's
unless you're doing
you know Avatar fucking Top Gun yeah maybe you need the imax whatever yeah yeah i mean is there a lack
is there like do you like miss something with that like we were talking to russell crowe yesterday
and he was talking about master commander and nice guys and how they didn't really find their
legs until long after they left the airs nice pretty quickly, I think. Master Commanders until very recently.
Yeah.
I like that movie.
It's a great movie.
Everybody does.
If you could only pick one,
would you rather it be popular in like...
It's hard because then it gets kind of that...
I guess I think more people see it
in their living rooms.
Yeah.
But there's nothing...
I mean, you know,
the same way it is
going to see
whatever,
John Wick
or whatever,
there's something nice
about sitting
with 300 people
laughing at the same time.
There's just something
nice about that.
Comedy is great like that.
But then at the same time,
there's something great
about five guys
in the living room
who are high
watching your movie.
It's the same thing
eating dried mango.
I think there's... you know, there's good to both.
When people say cult classic, do you like that?
Yeah, I like that.
I mean, I think that means like you watch it a lot.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
You watch it more than once.
I feel like some people almost, it's like a backhanded thing in a way.
I'm like, no, I think it's a great thing.
No, I like that.
You know, I think that's kind of where we live.
I think most cult classics
are no longer cult classics.
We're like,
they've gotten so popular
that they're super
mainstream. It's not a cult classic.
But the people who see it still think
of themselves as the only person who loves it.
There's millions of people
watching the show.
But cult classics
are also
you know
different eras
you know
it's like you know
people
whatever age
you started watching
those movies
you know
those are your cult classics
yeah
I'd have
Holy Grail
as a cult classic
yeah
I think it is
but that's you know
that's traditional
low budget
you know movie
that's really what
it's more about
is that it feels like
it's you know
Broken Lizard
is just a crew of guys friends who got together and made it happen.
Making the movies.
Is this your first time directing?
I directed a movie – what was it?
Maybe 10 years ago for Broken Lizard because Chandler Secker usually directs.
And he had another movie.
I made a movie called Slammin' Salmon.
And then this is the second Broken Lizard one.
And then I've been doing I've directed like
about half of the
Tacoma FD show
oh shit have you
yeah so
is that always
something you wanted
like to kind of move
it's fun
you're not moving
behind the camera
because you're also
on the other side of it
I like it
it's kind of weird
are you a
a barker
yeah you
in a nice way
you and I have done
professionally
yeah no
no I think in a nice way I am.
I mean, I like, like Lenny makes fun of me.
I like the trains to run on time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So there's a little bit of that.
You need some of that, yeah.
But I think, you know, I also love a loose set.
Like, I love improv.
Yeah.
And so, you know.
Here's the script, but let it go.
Yeah, if you're like too much of a, too bitchy or whatever, I mean, it's not a good vibe for them.
Right.
I mean, you want people to feel like they're comfortable. Sure. Having sure having a good time whatever so i think on our show we do that a lot
um but it's also like it's gotten to the thing where you're kind of older and like
i don't have to explain things like when we write stuff or and someone else directs it you have to
explain them this is what we meant and this is what i want to do you know or like it's you got
another broken lizard style of humor.
You're like, we meant the joke to mean this.
So try doing that.
And then you end up having all these conversations and so now you're like, ah, fuck it.
You just do it.
Just do it.
We train people to be like cameramen
and editors and stuff here
almost in a very different way
where it's like sometimes we've hired outside camera crews
and they're like, okay, we got to get the wide shot. And it's like, no, hired outside camera crews yeah and they're like
okay we got to get the wide shot and it's like no no put it on dave's face right now because he's
about to flip out because we know you know and you really got to know like the group and all that and
you guys have that together i feel like with broken lizard yeah way where it's like that's not
the funny part this is the funny part and you know you can just cut right to the chase and you'd be
like oh do it like that time you know whatever yeah i remember on the set or whatever yeah that's awesome i love that or like we'll reference like And you can be like, oh, do it like that time, you know, whatever. Yeah, remember on the set, back in, or whatever.
Yeah, that's awesome.
I love that.
Or we'll reference a line from one of our old movies,
do it like that, you know what I mean?
And they'll be like, they'll do that.
And then you just know what you're talking about.
I think every industry has that.
I remember when I first moved to New York, when I was like 21,
and I was an intern here, and we weren't making any money.
And I was like, well, I have to make money,
so I'm going to bartend tonight.
And I went to a bartending school. And then every bar I went to, they were like, no, we don't take any money and i was like well i have to make money so i'm a bartender tonight and i went to bartending school and then every bar i went to they're like
no we don't take bartenders in bartending school really like because we want you to do it our way
not that way oh really yeah like i never ended up bartending at all until one one night kevin
got me a job and that was it i was the best man he lost money on the gig you got a job in a bar
kevin got me like it was it was early early early barstool and i was tin lizzy on the gig. A job at a bar? Kevin got me like, it was early, early,
early barstool.
And it was Tin Lizzy
on the Upper West Side.
East Side.
East Side.
Tin Lizzy was
the best shithole
in the world.
But my God.
It was owned by a bunch of guys.
I don't think any of them
were over 30.
It was on 88th and
Lex or 2nd, 3rd.
Yeah, I know that.
And at the time,
like four or five, like 25-, I know that. At the time, four, five,
25-year-old guys owned it.
It was strictly to get laid.
They gave away all their booze.
I remember one time I met my ex-wife there and I was like,
hey, I'll get you
free drinks or whatever. She was like, yeah, so do we
and so do they.
Nobody here is paying for anything, tough guy.
But yeah, so he was desperate for some money,
so I was like, can my buddy guest bartend?
And looking back on it,
they were like, he needs to wear all black.
I was like, he could fucking come with no pants on
at Tin Lizzy, it wouldn't matter.
But in order to go out, he bought the black outfit,
and he made less money.
He paid big bucks for your black outfit. Yeah, I got a pair of black jeans and a black t-shirt, and he made less money big bucks for your black outfit yeah i got a pair of black
jeans a black t-shirt and i made 15 bucks you probably wore it again though man right i mean
you robbing a building yeah
well it's awesome to see you guys still all together doing it it's uh i don't know there's
many people in hollywood who uh who know, I mean, you guys just seem
like normal fucking people
throughout all these years
and it doesn't seem
like it's changing
so it's cool to see.
It's fun.
It's fun to know
that you've been
with those guys
for a long time.
We used to live
in the same apartments here,
you know,
all five guys
in one apartment
and now we have families
and shit
but we're still doing it.
Are your kids
into this stuff?
Are they into it?
yeah like the movies
I put them in this movie
actually
they're in this movie
but
they are
they kind of do their own thing
you know
you kind of work in the business
and you're like
I wouldn't want my kids
totally
I get that for sure
you know what I mean
I don't want my kids
on social media
or doing any of this
and so like
you see the kid actors
or whatever
and then
they're lucky
because I put them in this.
I gave them little parts in our TV show.
And it's like Uncle Whatever.
It's like all the crew is our crew.
It's been always our crew.
The actors are our guys.
So it's like that's the guy who was at the barbecue
on Memorial Day weekend.
They know everybody.
So it's not that weird industry thing.
I don't know if they would pursue it, but very cool.
We'll see.
Awesome, man.
Well, Quasi is out.
When is it?
4-20.
4-20.
4-20.
Get your mangies ready.
Get 60 servings of mangoes and your friends and get ready.
100 baby chickens must die.
Thank you, brother die thank you so much
yeah thank you
thanks for having me
tell Lemmy by the way
I still don't have a
a bidet
remember he was pushing bidets
oh yeah yeah
he still is
he still is
he had it in his trailer
in Quasi
no way
he put a bidet in his trailer
yeah yeah yeah
there he is
what's on your rider
a bidet
no it is
he's like
he knows the transpo guy
he's like put the bidet in my trailer.
Yeah, you got it, buddy.
It's like you're
some big fucking tattooed dude.
You're like,
put that bidet in my trailer.
You got it, pal.
Sure thing, boss.
He does it all the time.
Stupid.
Good to go?
Let's fucking go.
It's Kat Tiff
back in the building.
I'd imagine you,
have you done something with Barstool since you left?
Or is this the first thing?
No,
I mean,
I was on like the morning show.
Right.
I was still a thing.
Right.
You were at a cocktail party fairly recently.
Yeah.
Then I came here and drank.
Yeah.
You came back for the good shit.
I appreciate that.
Yeah.
I love,
it's just Barstool can be so dramatic More often than not
But like I loved that your time here
Was kind of like
And then departure was not
It was just like you came through
Did your thing
Some stuff worked
Some stuff didn't
I don't know how you feel about it
But like
And then you went on to bigger things
And it was just like cool
Yeah that's exactly how I feel about it
I mean I had a great time here
It was crazy
Because like when I was here
I was doing the man on the street stuff But it was just me and then gaz with a camera yeah of course of course
he was i can't believe it i can't you know what's funny is there's been a lot of new hires and gaz
didn't personally go film a lot of them fucking gaz he. He did. Unbelievable. With that Juggalo video that goes revirally.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was Justice 2
and he was wearing
salmon colored shorts.
And everybody was like
looking at like
what the fuck.
I mean, we gotta get
out of there, I think.
I swear to God,
he's the greatest of all time.
Gaz, despite the salmon shorts,
if Gaz just
dressed normal
and looked like himself,
Gaz blends in with white trash.
Real good.
I'm surprised he's not at the Juggalo Festival as is.
If you saw, Gaz has the white trash body type.
Totally.
Down to her teeth.
Wearing a tank top and long shorts.
I'm taking it.
I pictured him stark naked.
I don't want to think of that.
I think he did that one, too.
Of course he did.
Of course he did.
He did.
He picked out your outfits did that one too of course he did he did he did he did he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
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he did
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he did
he did
he did
he did
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he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
he did
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he did
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he did
he did in there every single day. Yeah, I mean... But I mean, I got to do such fun stuff. I mean, some of it was great. Some of it that I did
was like bad.
I did some stuff
that was also not good.
But that's how this works.
Yeah, that's how this works.
And that's what my book
is about too with comedy.
It's...
If someone makes a bad joke,
canceling them is ridiculous
because you don't really know
if something's going to work
until you try it.
Yeah, yeah.
It's swinging and missing.
It's like,
oh, I fucked up.
Okay, if you're trying
to make a joke
and you're not trying
to be an asshole,
then you kind of just gotta let it go. You should be able to just say what you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean up. Okay, if you're trying to make a joke and you're not trying to be an asshole, then you kind of just got to let it go.
You should be able to just say what you want.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I mean, like, did you find yourself, like, pulling back or did you just let it rip?
I always just have to let it rip.
Yeah, me too.
Because, I mean.
It's like I can't.
Yeah.
And also, it's a lot of the tough stuff I've been through in my life.
I write all about a lot of different things in my book where making jokes about it is the only way to really go through it.
That's the other thing, too.
I think people who've gone through some real shit are like, this is not that big of a deal.
You know, it is a big deal like this.
And if you're lucky enough that you haven't had that happen, you're lucky enough to get upset about something as insignificant as a stand-up comedian on stage.
Absolutely.
And the thing is, maybe one day you you are gonna go through some real shit and there could be a joke out there that could help you but you've made people too afraid to make jokes about it right i
mean well it takes a certain type of person i mean i think everybody here just by nature of being here
are the type of people to laugh at the most fucked up stuff.
But if you're not one of those,
people probably think we're crazy.
I'd already been through some fucked up stuff by the time
I started working here. I mean, I had like a
really rough six months. I write about this too,
where my mom died, then my grandma died,
and the guy that I thought I was going to marry
broke up with me.
He broke up with me in front of my
father at Coney Island.
Like, the beach in New York.
Wait, wait, wait, hang on.
Okay.
Mom has just died.
Grandma just died.
You're at Coney Island with your boyfriend and your dad.
Yeah, so my dad's there.
My boyfriend comes later.
And he broke up with me.
And it was over some stuff that had happened before.
So this was a first-degree breakup.
Like, he wasn't like some shit went down at the beach.
And he was like, I'm done. He went down at the beach and he was like i'm done
right he knew he was done and he came there and then he's like my dad went to go get another
round of margaritas he broke up with me my dad came back and i'm like was he still there wait
oh yeah fuck yeah yeah wait this was a week after mom died no it was the same six months
about six months but grandma died oh those must have been a tough five months for him
he was just waiting until he was out.
He was like, I gotta give it six.
That's the thing.
And then he comes back.
My dad comes back with drinks.
And he's like, what happened?
And I was like, he doesn't want to be.
And he stayed for that?
He stayed.
And he was explaining to my dad.
He's like, look, her moods are all over the place.
She's not really eating.
I think she needs mental health.
My dad's like, her mom did just die.
Like a minute ago.
His alarm goes off and he had sent an event. Like, you can
break up with Kat now. It's been six months
to the minute. But he also stayed
at the beach with us the rest of the day.
Wait, what? He stayed,
he sat next to me on the Ferris wheel
and he stayed there the whole
rest of the day. Bro, this is madness.
Yeah, and I was like, please don't break.
Like, stop.
He took the train back with us.
Shut the fuck up.
No.
How many hours was this man with you after breaking up?
Like six or seven hours.
No.
No.
Yeah, yeah.
And then, but he truly broke up?
Like, there wasn't, like, a get back together?
Oh, no, we didn't truly break up.
I mean, we kept hooking up.
Yeah, right, right, right.
And then there was a true breakup.
That was the conversation in his head where he's like,
if I stick around six hours, I could probably get three months of severance pay out of this.
But then my dad obviously hated him.
My dad was like, who makes this decision?
I mean, he must have really been at his wits end or something
because to break up with someone in front of their father is borderline suicidal.
You don't know how someone's dad might fucking react.
I would audible from a breakup to a proposal.
Yeah, for real.
I'd be like, fuck this.
If I was like, all right, today I'm doing it, and then you were like,
hey, I decided to bring my dad along, I'd be like, get down on one knee.
I'll ask for his permission.
And not just anyone's dad, but this man who's, you just watched him watch his wife die.
We went through some serious shit together, and anyone's dad, but this man who's – you just watched him watch his wife die. Like, we went through some serious shit together.
And he's like, I was obviously really upset.
But then three days later, I got hired at Fox.
And, you know.
I mean, that –
My life changed.
Big time.
I mean, I like how you do Fox, too.
Like, I mean, everybody has their opinions politically or whatever.
And there's obviously the extremes.
But I feel like you and Gutfeld and that show, like, kind of does it in a way where we know where you like where you lie but it's not belaboring the point and it's not
totally over the top and shit like that no i mean i'm i'm not i'm independent right i'm not
really right wing i'm very like socially liberal i'm a libertarian right so i mean it's exhausting
when people are like oh fox like oh you work at fox so i know exactly i'm sure you are dude i i
feel like that if you just like make an oh, you work at Fox, so I know exactly who you are. Dude, I feel like that
if you just like make an appearance
or you associate with them.
I mean, working there has got to be...
Yeah, and it's crazy.
If I'm at a party
and people ask me what I do
and like they don't know,
I'd just be like, porn.
It's way less controversial
than saying I work at Fox.
I'm like, I'm in pornography?
I fuck on camera for money.
Yeah, I fuck on camera for money. Yeah, I fuck on camera for money.
Oh, great, great.
You said Fox News,
like, burn your head to the stake.
By the way, to be clear,
if you do porn,
that's great for you too.
Everybody's an individual.
Right.
And there's a lot of people
at Fox that work there
that aren't, you know,
everybody's different.
I did that with Barstool.
I was going to say,
Barstool and Fox are similar.
I guess Barstool, Fox,
and I guess the major news outlets
in Barstool are similar
in the sense of like of if you – apparently everybody is the same under this huge umbrella.
There's got to be thousands of people who work at Fox and CNN, and now at Barcelona, we're up to 10 million here.
Not that I'm worried about people getting upset about it.
It's just like I work in media, and then –
There's a follow-up.
It has almost become like I went to school in Boston.
At Harvard.
Well, not outside Boston.
I work for a sports company, like a media company.
They're like, what kind?
I'm like, it's like sports media, podcasts.
What is it?
Barstool.
And it's not for a reason.
I'm not concerned that they'll have some opinion of it.
I don't know.
I feel weird saying it.
It can go either way too.
It's like sometimes even if you're going to hate it gonna hate it if you're gonna love it sometimes i'm just
like i don't wanna i don't deal with either of that you know what i mean there is no positive
to telling someone what you do they're like right they're gonna bother you about it or they're
gonna be interested in it right like oh no now i gotta answer questions about like who what's
this person like behind the scenes being nice to someone who likes you and you're like, oh no,
this isn't what I want.
That'd be someone
who I hate.
In my image,
in my head,
I'm talking to someone
a lot cooler than you
when I'm talking.
Yeah,
it's exactly like
the people are always like,
so what's Tucker Carlson like?
I'm like,
you understand he's not
just walking around
the building.
Right,
we can hang out all the time.
I don't really interact
with him very much at all.
Right.
When you started getting down with Gutfeld, was he already – I feel like he's always had a successful thing, but in recent – like last year, two years, whatever, it just exploded.
Is that accurate or no?
Because at this point, I feel like I heard it was the number one late night show in the world or based on certain metrics or whatever.
Yeah, no, so definitely.
But when I first met him, I did Red Eye because he did that show.
Red Eye at 3 in the morning.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And my life was like a disaster the first time I did Red Eye.
I mean, like I lived in East Harlem.
I had like no hot water and I took a cold shower.
I had a bad mouse problem.
It was really bad.
I went there.
Did we come home
and you'd be loud to scare them?
Bang, bang, bang, bang.
I was on crutches for a while.
Jesus Christ.
Was there a walk-off?
No, there was elevators
but they barely worked.
Humans would shit in our stairwell.
It was really bad.
I was going around crutches
and I used to be going
up on the subway i don't have like taxi money yeah and there would be this guy that would wait for me
to get off work and he'd sit there and he'd level his face with my ass as i was going up the stairs
on the crutches and be like go as slow as you want goes and i'm just like crying like why am i doing
this like what am i doing why am i here but i did red what am I doing? Like, why am I here? But I did Red Eye. We hit it off.
And then he was starting the new show, Gutfeld, like, once a week.
And so I had some auditions for that.
I was super nervous.
But then we, like, 2021, I think it was.
Yeah.
So, yeah, you were there from the jump.
Yeah, I was there from the jump.
That is sick.
I feel like Red Eye is a good barometer.
Like, if you've made an
appearance on red eye i'm probably gonna like you yeah i mean like there's been i don't know if that
i gotta see the list of everybody but a lot of times when i've seen people who are like who would
who go through there it's like yeah that makes sense you know people who don't give a fuck one
way or the other they just want to make like funny jokes want to talk a little bit it's it's got a
good list i think but uh but god damn has it fucking blew bit it it's it's got a good list i think but uh but god
damn has it fucking blew up yeah it's it's been absolutely crazy and again i think it's it's super
fun because it's like we have different people we've had mary ann williamson on the show i mean
we've had but we've also she's the she's the the she ran for president right she's yeah that mary
and williams we've had her on the show But we've also had Roseanne on the show
Right
We've also had
So it's not like
You can know everything
How was Roseanne?
She cool?
She was
Like you get
Everything that came
Out of her mouth
Was funny
Yeah
You know
Again
I didn't hang out
With her after
But like
Everything that came
Out of her mouth
Was funny
For someone who is
Such like an icon
In the field
I couldn't tell
I've never seen the show
I've never seen
You stand up
I've never seen
Anything about Roseanne The show was I've never seen a new stand-up. I've never seen anything about Roseanne.
The show was fucking monster.
I'm probably three years too late.
Yeah, I was going to say,
you might be a little too young for it,
but whenever people talk about
the biggest shows of all time
and most influential shows and stuff,
I don't think it's really ever mentioned,
and it was for sure one of those.
Well, it's still.
Isn't the sequel still on, right yeah well so yeah the conners was
like the the reboot and then but then she was not a part of it because yeah i write about that my
book too it's just so crazy how like what one tweet or one thing and again she was tweeting a
lot of stuff and yeah but her whole life changed and a lot of people it's just one thing that you
can say even if it's not like someone like she's tweeted a few things you can say one thing and
the way social media is is people see the one thing and they're like now i know everything
there is to need to know i need to know about this person and that's never true not even sometimes
that like sometimes they don't even know the thing no they don't even know there are definitely
people who will go after cancel whatever you want to call it and not know why they're just like well you know my mob and my my crew of
friends are doing it like so am i too that and then you find out like oh wait a minute
that's what we're doing that wasn't even that bad or whatever you know the the kelly keegs and i i've
been working on getting off the grid very slowly for a few months now and that i think one of the
one of the main inspirations for it was that keegs
tweet that you quote tweeted whereas like some tiktok she had about fucking some shit i don't
care about that people had strong opinions about that i don't care about and then she like tweeted
the the metrics of it and it was like a tiktok that was going oh yeah yeah yeah and it was like
yeah i know what it was it was uh just recently How they're changing the lyrics To Little Mermaid
No
You guys
No
No
No
I'm not having it
I'm not doing it
I refuse
I refuse to accept
A change in any lyrics
In any of the Little Mermaid
I won't
I won't accept it
And
Cause kiss the girl
Is like implying
Like just kiss her without consent
Right
And so they needed to fix that
I guess
I didn't hear that in the song
So Kelly Who works here Was like I You know fuck that like i love little mermaid i grew up on it
it's legendary the song's iconic you don't need to change anything and the the tiktok generation
was going after her but the metric showed her video was like you know i don't know two minutes
long let's say where she was talking about and the drop-off was like after like three seconds like nobody was even watching no listening to what she said
and they were like fuck you you boomer blah blah blah blah like you don't even know boomers
but when somebody said they get they get real yo if you're if you're like 28 and older and you're
arguing with like a TikTok crowd,
they'll be like,
yo, plan your funeral today. But they're also like,
why are you arguing with a 20-year-old?
Shut the fuck up and go raise a family.
You're right.
That's happened to me so many times
where somebody will take a little clip
of something I said
and post it saying that I said something else.
Like I was at,
this was a couple years ago,
I was just like out to brunch with my husband
and everyone on social media was calling me like a pedophile and i was like what like what
what happened that's the best you open it up what happened and there had been i was talking about
that was like some like matt gate stuff was going on but it was it turned into a larger conversation
about sex work where that was what we were talking about and i'm like decriminalized sex work i'm
very pro-ho and like i'm I'm a libertarian, whatever.
Someone took a little bit and was like,
oh, Katz timps as you're a Puritan
if you don't think it's okay to sleep with underage girls.
And I'm like, we weren't even talking about underage anyone
in the entire segment.
No, it's crazy.
And I'm like, can you rewatch this?
And people are like, oh, sorry,
but they've already gotten pissed.
But you know what?
I've also found, I mean, to some extent,
I think you gotta have a little bit of thick skin
and just let some people, let the baby cry i think that the person's reaction also dictates a lot of how
much fanfare there's gonna be because there's been a few things recently where in years gone by i
would have quote tweeted with it with evidence of the opposite and what about this and what about
that and i just didn't and then it
just like just fizzles out you know what i mean so it's like they want they need like the pushback
and then they're like we got them almost like let's keep going and then it keeps building and
then you get more people in and then they dig up more dirt and it's like if you just said shut up
the first time but i also i go back and forth because then there are times where i'm like i
don't care about that i want to yell back because like fuck these people i know it's never worth it
but sometimes it's never worth it.
But sometimes I got it.
Yeah.
Because I've, it's getting increasingly less worth it though.
Like, I don't know if it's because I'm getting older, but I'm just tired.
I think I just hate the internet in general now.
I think it's just to the point where it's ruined every single thing I like, whatever
it is.
I'm like, it's, it's not worth it anymore.
Whereas I used to be like, it was worth it.
I liked it.
I liked dunking on that person or proving them wrong now i just i can't anymore yeah i can't either
there was a lot of dunking too the dunking that i used to do back in my um dunk contest days
like i would be dunking on people who were just taking like what i said correctly
like like they didn't know who I was.
Right, right.
And I was being sarcastic, but they were just reading it at face value.
Sure.
What are you, a fucking idiot?
You read words and took them at their literal meanings.
But who are these people, though?
I just feel like, who are these people?
Well, that's the other thing.
Like who am I even arguing with?
I've seen stuff where I've been like, I don't like that.
And I'm not like, okay, I'm going to log on.
I'm going to get this account, and I'm going to tell them to go fuck themselves.
No, that is the inherent difference they're like i mean we're as as
everyone's got on the internet you realize that there's just like everything's on a spectrum right
of all walks of life everybody can be all sorts of every you know you can't put anybody in a box
i think you can definitively say are you a person who sees something and like feels the need to
create a username and comment on why you don't like it and try to change it?
Or you just go, I don't know.
I don't like that.
To me, that's like there's black or white.
You either do that or you don't.
No one's ever like, well, I used to and then I don't.
You know what I mean?
You're either fucking – you go crazy about that stuff or you don't care.
I mean I obviously think not caring is the way to be.
But I don't know.
I guess those people live in their life that way. I don't care. I mean, I obviously think not caring is the way to be, but I don't know. I guess those people live in their life that way.
I don't know. Yeah, I think the internet raised a good
point that the
argument for the internet when it first started was
give everyone a voice.
I think we've reached the point where we didn't need that.
No. Everyone should have a voice.
No, no. How many people do you think
deserve voices?
10? 12? The whole world?
I think everyone deserves a voice.
Oh, come on.
Get her out of here!
What about that dude checking out your butt in the crutches?
He doesn't deserve a voice.
What's his take?
You should literally take that man's voice away.
I would be shocked if he was still alive.
I would be shocked.
Because he looked like he was right on the line at the time.
And this was a long time ago
but I think the problem is
not enough people are actually talking
it's people just lobbing grenades
at each other and I think that
actually if we
all were more honest and more
open then we could actually understand each other
but there's a lot of listening that's involved
in that too
like you're asking way too much of people and it's it's you really are it's crazy but you
really are because you're just it's just you know we're not designed to like talk to this many
people at once and give all this feedback and receive feedback you know it's just like
ordinarily you should just be talking with like you know your couple family members and a couple
friends and instead you're arguing with like hundreds of people simultaneously on the internet well there's a difference in terms of like why you're talking
too i mean there's people who are talking so like hey this i think this is an important thing to say
or even like hey my feelings are hurt it goes both ways you can be an asshole if you're saying
something as an asshole like fuck you go kill yourself or whatever you're a whore or whatever
stuff people say to me or the other side can be an asshole too the other fuck you, go kill yourself or whatever, you're a whore or whatever stuff people say to me. Or the other side
can be an asshole too.
If you're someone who's like, you can't say that,
you should be fired.
You're an asshole then too.
I mean, everybody.
It's just,
you just care about whether your side
is winning or losing.
Because it's like, you know, you complain,
people say like, oh, you know, cancel culture is terrible.
But the minute that they can cancel someone
that they don't like, they're trying to get them,
you know, get rid of them too.
It's like, you know, if you, everyone's a fucking asshole.
Yeah, I just think it's too important
because again, like all the tough stuff I've been through,
I've needed to laugh at it.
I need to talk openly about it.
Something that's in this book
that people are going to find out about
when it comes out tomorrow
I had a shit bag
for five weeks
I had an emergency ostomy surgery
I saw an ostomy bag and I was like
I feel like I know what that is
no I never talked about it
and I almost died
and as I was getting wheeled into surgery
I'm fine now
I was one of the.00 I'm fine now it just like I was just
we don't know
I was one of like
the.001%
where I had a perforated bowel
it was only five weeks
I say that like
it wasn't like
the most traumatic experience
I was going to say
five weeks
it was so bad
it was only leaking
but as I was getting
wheeled into surgery
I was like
how am I going to talk
to people about this
and not like
oh I hope I don't die on the table because people get weird when you say something like when i say
that to people you guys are like laughing that's cool because it is kind of funny yeah rather than
people like like it's like okay i already feel weird that this is going on and then when i got
it reversed there was some like complications a lot of blood i won't get too graphic but guess what day that was 9-11 January 6th the
the
the January 6th
and like
that's a pretty good alibi
yeah
I was all
I was all alone too
because like
everyone at Fox was there
no
no not me
actually
I was in the
and then Keith is over there
with me
Keith was with me
because I had like
two hours of visitors a day
and like two visitors
because of COVID
so I'm just like
sitting there
I'm like Dilaudid in my arm and I'm like watching this stuff and I'm like, what is going on?
Dilaudid might be worth having a bag of shit for five weeks.
That's the two ways I got through it was Ivy Dilaudid and laughter.
Yeah, because even like I never talked about it in this book.
I'm like, I'm gonna write a whole chapter about it.
It's gross.
But like every time I see people talk about January 6th, that's the only thing i think yeah for real you have your
own your own insurrection your own nightmare whenever i see adam kissinger cry i'm like i bet
i i get it january 6th bad i get it but mine was worse i guarantee it it was the darkest day in
our nation's history you goddamn. And also my history.
Dude, I just randomly opened this up, though.
This, talking about Will Smith's laughing Chris Rock.
Yeah.
I mean, this was like, you know, you did this.
When did you stop writing this?
So I stopped.
So it took me about four months to write it.
And I started it when it invaded Ukraine is when I started it.
So it was pretty recent.
And you wrote it all?
I wrote every single word. Every word? Oh, lookbag yeah chapter five don't eat if you want to read it and if you think it's gross imagine living it but yeah the will smith thing to me
was more like about the whole we can't be surprised about that when people are running around saying
words are violence all the time because if words are violence then violence isn't isn't appropriate
response to violence.
And that's not a progressive thing.
That's how cavemen behave.
That's how people behave in the Old West.
Where they're like, oh, you said something bad about my mama.
Now I'm going to shoot you in the face.
We're going to duel to the yard.
That's not progressive.
That's a Neanderthal behavior.
That's very true.
I used to have a roommate in college who was much smarter than me.
And whenever we'd get in arguments, I'd just fight him and uh whenever we get in arguments i just fight
him and so you punched him in the face he'd be like he'd be like you just always you always
turn to violence but yeah i'm stronger than you you're smarter than me i'm going to my i'm
using my tools yeah who's smart now but at least you're honestly at least you're honest about that
you know i mean at least you're honest about that. I mean, it's not a compassionate view. It's like you're just telling people to shut up.
So just say that.
It's okay to have feelings.
I'm an emotional person.
But it's not okay to have the expectation that the entire world is going to revolve around your feelings.
Then you're like a selfish asshole.
And that's who all of these people are.
Which, again, a lot of people use the word snowflake.
It's like if you're writing me a six-par six paragraph email because my skirt was too short on the show like bernice you might also be a
snowflake i can't even fathom how much time you have to have in the day to do that i mean if you
have any sort of responsibilities at all.
Where are you taking up the time
to write a fucking
five page letter
to some random girl
about her dress?
Well, I think she was
probably retired.
Yeah, I guess that's the thing.
Yeah, her name's Bernice.
Yeah, that's true.
Or their friend like Agatha.
Yeah, there's like
a lot of grand...
Like people think
people on Twitter
are like grandmas
in Facebook.
They're the meanest.
Some of your grandmas
are the meanest people oh like my grandma horrible people
your grandma's probably dead dead of being mean
jada pinkett smith and she's out now have you seen uh jermaine dupree uh and uncle luke two
guys in the rap game are making a documentary documentary about Freak Nick, which is like for like I think like the entire decade of the 90s.
You would go to Spring Break in Atlanta.
And it was just like it was like Black Spring Break, really.
But it was fucking wild.
It was like Girls Gone Wild type shit.
And I guess they have a bunch of footage from it.
I don't know how it works with like finding it and clearing it and publishing it but there is a lot
of like older women on like facebook and shit putting out videos being like so your girl was
at freak nick in 1997 and like just know that you know i used to be a little bit different than i am
now and like all this shit because it's like what if all of a sudden you see grandma out on fucking
twerking on the street in atlanta you know i would be i'd be happy for her i feel like you look like she looks like
she's having a good time yeah i mean it's very rarely is it ever that serious for real i mean
god just let people be freak next geez i uh i think there should be an age minimum and age max
age limit for the internet i think that would help a lot. Same thing with driving.
I think it's kind of crazy that 16-year-olds drive. Sometimes I'm like, that's wild.
I'm not sure I believe in driver's licenses.
Period? You think everyone should be able to drive?
Dude, because...
I wholeheartedly disagree.
I know this is a take,
but I have a driver's license.
Good for you.
But I don't know that I should.
Oh, okay.
All right.
That direction.
I passed this test back when I was 16.
So you're saying it should be harder.
No, I'm saying it's like, I don't think a driver's license proves either way.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you can drive, then drive.
That is, yes.
But like, remembering during COVID when they just gave everyone in Georgia, everyone got
passed?
Yeah.
And then they tried to take it back?
Yeah, they can't.
That was great.
No, no, wait, never mind.
This is not a bad, this is a bad idea.
Everyone bring back your licenses.
Yeah, I'm sure the 16 year old kids are going to be doing that.
But I think, I mean, the fact that the vast majority of people, almost like, I'm talking like 100% really, right,
when you turn 16, are allowed to drive machines
that are thousands of pounds just at very high speeds.
Crazy.
I was like, I'm an adult.
This is crazy.
I have to wait this long.
And now that I see it, I'm like...
You're a fucking child.
Yeah, it is.
And also, everyone does get them too easy.
Because I think people, the people who a fucking child. Yeah, it is. And also, everyone does get them too easy. Because I think people,
the people who
do the tests don't really care.
Mine, I never left a Chili's parking lot.
What happens in your life that you become a driver's
driver?
A couple DUIs.
You know what a driver's test,
driving test, whatever it's called, should be
a test. I had to get a tutor.
Like, I sucked.
In New York, you have to do a five hour program it's called you have to do your five hour do you have
that i had to go to school okay yeah i don't know how long so i think i think we went like i think
you could either go like you wait till you're 18 one hour sessions or one five hour session or
whatever the fuck it was yeah i don't remember exactly but it was that sucked it was so stupid
but what if they were like all right we're gonna take you on the highway you gotta be going like 80 miles an
hour we're gonna like throw some shit at you you gotta prove you can drive because driving around
the parking lot of chili's is not gonna prove a goddamn thing i got in like a blowout fight with
the next girlfriend once because she was she was driving and we were looking for a parking spot
and we kept driving by parking spots and there was like street parking and i was at a spot
and i was being a dick why weren't you driving yeah why are you
why do you think i was drunk i haven't driven in like nine years so i have this cat that i've had
forever he's like 13 years old and he's got like all these health issues so he can't fly because
his heart will blow up and i like won't let him die wait wait cats can't fly on an airplane you are burying the lead
that was maybe the dumbest thing we've ever done but you said it in such a way i don't know why
looked at me at face i was like you know airplanes okay like you've been on them before
but i so i i my husband it's like i always we have to spend christmas at my dad's
house but also we can't fly because the cat has health issues and he needs special care
so we have to drive to detroit from new york every year and by the way i'm not gonna help drive
so we're going to my family's house i was like she was driving That would never fly with me That would never
That's why we like all this
Are you like you physically can't do it?
Like you're
Like you're nervous
I'm gonna need to take lessons again
Or something
Cause it's just been too long
I used to do it
But it's been like
But when you used to do it
Were you okay?
Or no?
Well
I mean like how many accidents
How many accidents is too many?
What would you say is a lot of accidents?
I would say any
Like a legit accident
Not just like fender benders.
See, the thing is, I never really ran into another car.
You just hit things.
Poles.
Yeah, like, okay, so there's a garage.
Buildings.
When I was, like, a teenager, my mom would never let me drive the car,
and I was gotten in a big fight because I wanted to go to the library and burn CDs.
Hell yeah.
And I got in this huge fight, and then as I was pulling back,
I misjudged.
And I ran into the house, like the garage.
I totally miscalculated.
So yeah, I've never been good at it.
Also, how many accidents?
So that one...
I actually think it's better.
I think bumping into things is better than fucking hitting other cars.
So I think you're...
Yeah, Bills, Bills, Bills came on the radio once.
And I drove up on a curb.
As one does.
That was one of my favorites.
You're fucking having a time in the car.
I was like, let's call it, I was like, how old were you?
I was going to say I was 14.
I was a little older then.
And that was, I became aware.
I was like, Destiny's Child went borderline back-to-back.
I don't know if it was exactly.
It was like Independent Woman, Bills, Bills, Bills.
Independent Woman to Bills, Bills, Bills.
I was like, oh, they'll just say anything. Okay.'t know if it was exactly. It was like independent woman, bills, bills, bills. Independent woman, bills, bills, bills. I was like,
oh, they'll just say anything.
Okay.
This is how it works.
Okay, it doesn't matter.
Just say things.
Absolutely.
That song was great
when you think about it.
The hook is literally,
can you pay this bill?
Can you pay that bill?
It's fucking great.
And then I hit another thing.
I never hit another vehicle.
I think,
have you hit a human?
No. Or an animal. So just inanimate objects. But again, it's like great and then I hit another thing I never hit another vehicle I think have you hit a human? no
you're good
or an animal
so just inanimate objects
but again it's like
I mean I wouldn't want to be
a telephone pole
near cat timph
but otherwise you're good
no but my husband drives
he you know
when did you get married?
I got married in the pandemic
I got married
it'll be two years
did you
were you dating him
for a long time or no?
yeah we were dating
for a couple years
I mean I was
prior to the pandemic?
yeah I didn't even want a boyfriend like when we met him like i i just was very it always happened
i didn't want like i was like i'm good like i was dating well few i had my roster basically
i had all the attention i needed and i met him and he was not my type because he was like really
he's like a good like man with a good job from a good family.
I'm just kidding.
No, he was in the military.
He's an investment banker.
He played... Okay, so Kat's good and bad.
I didn't want to go out with him.
Well, I didn't want to go out with him.
My sister convinced me.
I met him on Raya.
My sister convinced me.
Fuck Raya.
My sister convinced me she liked his profile.
He was wearing a fucking lacrosse
sweatshirt. Oh, yeah. No.
Lacrosse is not a sport. It's not.
It's not a sport. It's not. I don't care. It's an arena
of people masturbating to how rich their
family is. Because
think about it. Sport, to me,
is like capitalism. You can make
money if you reach the highest
level of the sport. You reach the highest
level of lacrosse you still
you're still in the hole with all the money we got a guy here here here who's a professional
lacrosse player and he's also you know filming us so that says everything my husband played
d1 lacrosse he played lacrosse at west point yeah and i also just tell him all the time like thank
you for your service.
But yeah, it's not a sport.
So he, yeah, good, like clean cut man.
Great job.
Great family.
Army veteran.
And like, I went out with him once.
I was like, I don't really know.
I canceled two dates on him.
Wow.
Third date. My sister was like, go out with him again.
Like what, what actually are you doing?
Cause I had all these... I just liked losers.
I dated a lot of losers.
What is it about that you think?
I don't know.
I mean, there's this one guy that I just couldn't get rid of.
He actually was squatting in my apartment.
Okay, so if they're not physically just making themselves heavy,
if it's not that, what do you think it is that makes...
And you're going to
speak for all women here because yeah that's how this works you are a woman um what does why do
you think that happens um is it sex is it fun is it sometimes sometimes toxic sex is like the best
sex if you and i know there's plenty of guys that are doing that for sure i know that's the reason
why guys are with toxic toxic women but does it go both ways? It does, definitely.
If you and somebody hate – if you're blocking and unblocking each other all the time, then you're having really good sex.
Right.
But also I think it was just – I didn't really – you couldn't really hurt me that bad if you sucked.
I'd be like, okay, I don't need to take this that seriously.
I don't think I was ready.
I don't need to take you that seriously because you're a joke.
I can be dating other people. You're not a real human. I don't really care. ready. I need to take you that seriously because you're a joke. I can be dating other people.
You're not a real human.
I don't really care.
You're a subhuman asshole.
But also I just always really liked people who were comedians or people who were –
Well, so that's what I was going to say.
Is there a little more fun to it?
Are those guys sometimes like maybe they're not as financially secure or whatever,
but they do something cool or they're hanging out in the spots you want to hang out in?
Yeah, and I also really liked the look. I mean I dated guys who were tatted. financially secure or whatever, but they do something cool or they're hanging out in the spots you want to hang out in. Yeah.
And I also really liked like the look.
I mean, I dated guys like who were tatted.
I dated, I mean, I dated people who were also more successful like in music or, you know,
comedy.
But I, we were too much alike doing the same thing.
Like my husband, like he'll just listen to me talk about myself all day.
Like he, like all the attention he likes the attention
being on me and he sits there and does his little charts and graphs or whatever the investment
makers do i don't really know it's like he has a headset and like he has the charts and the
models and there's q1 and q3 and q2 and q4 as far as i know you're practically an investment
banker as far as i'm concerned i'm always like like babe Howard the model and I just like mock him for it
but you know it's like
and then he pays for everything
I make money but we're completely opposite
are you the breadwinner
we both make money
so you're just balling out
I mean yeah we got no kids
if you don't have kids
you don't even really need to have that high paying job
and you're a baller.
I realized that.
I remember thinking because I had kids when I was like 31, I guess, and I wasn't really making a ton of money.
I was doing fine, but I was like, oh, my God.
If I didn't have kids, we could do whatever we want within reason.
You're not going to buy mansions and cars and shit, but you don't have kids and like both of you are making money it's like go on whatever trips you want you can buy
whatever little things you want it's just it's it's almost like being rich it's the opposite
too so i'm like okay like i think i'm gonna do the baby thing at some point and like i don't know
like i because i haven't tried it yet my My sister's like, that's a horrible reason. People have worse reasons. Well, it's not something
you really get to try.
I'm like, no,
because I know.
You either do or do not.
It's not fun.
But I've done everything else.
I've done everything else,
so I'll be a mom.
Let's do that.
Well, I don't know.
People have had kids
for worse reasons.
People are like,
I went to spring break
and I got fucked up.
Totally.
My mom had my brother
because she wanted
to get rid of her acne.
Because when you get pregnant, it helps your acne.
Man.
She got knocked up for it.
So I'm fine.
That's why they invented, what was the acne?
Accutane.
Accutane.
They were like, you can either get pregnant or have suicidal thoughts for the rest of your life.
Guess what?
I'll do the second one.
Guess what?
Both ways you're going to have suicidal thoughts.
Yeah.
You know, yeah, give it a go.
If you don't like it, you can just send it back, right?
That's how that works.
I mean, if you don't like it...
You know what you should do is publicly get an abortion.
That'll go over well. Oh, yeah, exactly.
That tip on Fox News.
Post-abortion.
That'll be the lower third.
Just got an abortion.
No.
I just feel like, okay i'm 34 uh and you know i mean like biological clock sucks i was just talking about it last
week on an episode with a girl who works here uh and it's just like it's the one thing that's
still everything else is so modern and everything's like all good we let you guys vote and work and
all that shit uh but yeah the
biological clock clock still fucks you oh we already froze embryos yeah i've never talked
like i've never talked about this before but like wait so embryos means fertilized
i walked into my i wanted to walk into like my 33rd birthday right i mean like i've got kids on
i was gonna say this just in cat tim has children she froze them just frozen children
in a fucking
well because
you know
my brother was like
I love how as soon as
you made money
the first thing you did
was like
you're gonna be able
I want to approach this
like a man
I don't have to worry about it
how many do you freeze
how many do you get
I got nine of them
six boys
and three girls
oh and you even
already know that
yeah
it's crazy
it's crazy
and then
how much did you sell one for that's a great question and then you sell one for you would probably
make a lot like with him and yeah like both you like your resumes and shit and looks i'm
assuming he's a good looking dude he's probably calls you up oh i would i would do it for the tea
i would love to be invited to that christmas party you're gonna have one of my kids like
absolutely i mean i i just kanye is gonna raise it though oh yeah whatever it's not yours it's
hers now she bought it she bought answer the deed you know i'm still at the christmas party though
but i still get all the okay so let's say um so you you you do a lot like that in case they don't take or whatever, how we would describe it.
Yeah, I mean –
But what if, let's say, you want to say – let's say you want to have three kids.
Okay.
What do you want to have?
One?
I want one.
He says you need to have two.
Okay.
So let's say you have one, two, whatever.
And let's say you get lucky.
Everything goes good.
You have two kids.
And then what do you do with those other seven numbers?
Or I just get knocked out the sex way.
Oh, right.
So you might even – and then what do you do those other seven numbers the sex way oh right yeah you might
even and then you have nine for nothing so then do you really do you can you sell well here's the
thing is this like human trafficking or is it like then you can you know i don't someone has
like a you should give one to someone for christmas yo yo yo who wants to be in my uterus Yo there are nine winners
At the end of six months
We'll determine
The nine baby mamas
Who get to take a kid
From cat tip
This would be
I mean
But you probably do
Do something like that right
Where it's like
I don't know
Like a surrogate mom
Or someone who can't
Get pregnant
But we can just
Insert that
Does that work
I don't know
Well they make you
Do all this paperwork
Like in the case of
What happens if you break up.
Sure.
They're mine.
You're yours.
That's such a bigger power move than marriage.
I can get pregnant with your kid anytime I want.
You can't say anything about it.
Technically, I'm sure it says it in the paperwork once it becomes alive that it's both of yours.
I was like, no, no, no.
I own that shit first.
That was a big thing with
um this is my we're happy we're not when her because she got divorced she's not married to
joe man yeah yeah i remember that like her husband was like i want yeah she's like no
and he's like no i want the 50 is right or no i don't know how that works i only i did one round
of it and like i got i wasn't expecting to get that many and and I don't want to... It's like a surgery, right?
Yeah.
Well, I actually went to work after my egg retrieval because I'm like psycho.
No, but it's like people are like, how many did you get?
Because I know a lot of people go IVF, they have fertility struggles and that kind of
stuff, so I want to be like insensitive.
Yeah.
How many did you get?
And I'm like, nine.
Because then you feel like an asshole.
Right, right.
But that's also why I went through it at a younger age, too.
Because you're also doing it, though, out of like timing, right?
Yeah.
Because there's not a problem.
So it's like you are going to be... But I had no idea, though, because of, like, timing, right? Yeah. There's not a problem. So it's like you are going to be.
But I had no idea, though, because I've been on birth control my entire life.
So I just assumed I'm, like, scrawny.
I mean, this is, I'm a padded bra.
I've got no titties.
Like, this doesn't hurt.
This doesn't hurt, right?
So I just, like, assumed I, like, wasn't, I was like, there's no way.
And I'm like, oh, wow, apparently it's good that I've been on birth control.
Because I make babies.
You would have a lot of fucking baby.
I do think that, like, yeah, there's, we're probably seeing it now that, like, throwing
kids on birth control from age, like, 11 through, like, you know, 30, whatever, when they want
to have kids, probably not the best thing for your body.
I wonder what I'm going to be like when I go off of it.
Yeah, probably crazy.
Like, and also, like, I've been on amphetamine since i
was five years old from adhd and add like and i'm i actually have really bad add like i couldn't
function in a normal classroom setting yeah i know that this is shocking to you guys because
you know me it's being so reserved and not at all impulsive and like very well behaved but i'm gonna
have to go off of that and then you know so we'll see how that goes we've said that before that we
are like hands down by far the most
experimented on generation.
Everything from medicine to social media,
we'll see how this works with the human brain.
And I think they're going to rule the day.
I think so.
I think once we get a little bit older, they'll be like,
we fucked that one up.
They used to do shit like, you're sick,
just cut them open and let them bleed for a while.
There was some wacky shit that they did to those.
A little bloodletting.
A little bloodletting for the boys.
I got to sneeze.
Time for a little bloodletting.
It's going to make sense.
Something wrong with your blood.
Get that blood out.
We'll get the new blood in.
You're fine.
I also do the elliptical machine 20 minutes a day, three times a week.
And I do an ab video and a butt video, 10-minute YouTube video every day.
So I'm the pinnacle of health.
For real.
I mean, that's way more than I expected. So you good you got nine kids you're in shape you're making money
and you got a fucking book you're a published author i am you're killing it man it is it is
interesting that you chose us to come on to promote a book it's like you went on a blind show
i'm sorry a deaf show from music yeah well i From music, yeah. Are you doing audiobooks?
I am. I narrate. Kevin's actually big on
audiobooks. Yeah, I'll listen to it. Kevin listens
to audiobooks and plays video games.
There you go. I'm not shocked.
No, I already knew that.
You didn't even tell me that he plays video games.
Like an illiterate idiot.
He wasn't being mean. He was just
saying you're illiterate.
Like he's some fucking learned man over here.
I'm actually reading a book right now.
It's called Finding Your Way in the Dark.
I get scared telling people that because it's not a self-help book.
It's a novel.
How many pages in are you?
I crossed the 100th threshold yesterday.
So I'm about done.
It also is a little weird if you don't strike me as a reader when you're like,
I'm actually reading a book right now.
I knock out like three a year. that's a flex that's great you have to tell people three years if i read three
books a year that's gotta have me in the one percent absolutely i think it does totally yeah
bro you don't even understand how many people just fucking can't read a book and then even if you can
the vast vast majority of people do not i would
say i do it exclusively like in the warm months though because i'm like well i gotta at least get
a tan while i do this i'm not gonna sit inside it's probably a lot like the gym like you're
gonna sell a fuck ton of these yeah and probably only like five percent will read it that's the
thing i think a gym membership my book also it's you don't have to read it in order it's not like
game of thrones you're gonna pick it up kid who lost. There's different chapters about different things.
And also, I think I have something important to say.
I think it's very relevant.
I also share a lot of personal stories about myself,
and people do have a voyeuristic interest in my life.
Kat's a wild one.
Kat is a wild one.
I hope that butt guy is still alive.
I've been wondering about her.
I don't think he's doing, you know, he wasn't doing,
there's no way
he's still alive.
I bet you everybody
that was roaming
those streets.
You talk about it
very certainly.
He's dead, I assure you.
I mentioned my
husband's a Marine,
I promise you.
In the Army,
I promise you,
he's dead.
This is great.
This is like the
back fold or whatever.
She's a co-host
of Gutfeld,
Fox News contributor,
worked on the
National Review
and Barstool Sports
and was a stand-up comedian long enough for her to be this she was a stand-up comedian long enough
for this to be her third time quitting yeah it's true it's true it's true but stand-up i mean the
stand-up comedy stuff is i started doing that when i was really broke and living like a horrible life
in los angeles and also being the worst waitress you've ever had yeah i wasn't good at it that's
why like i was the worst waitress because the add thing. Yeah, I wasn't good at it. That's why, like,
I was the worst waitress
because the ADD thing.
I'd be like,
I'd forget your ranch.
I'd forget your whatever.
And then instead of just saying,
I'm sorry,
I'll be right back with that.
You know what I would do?
I'd be like,
are you mad at me?
No, I'd be like,
are you mad at me?
You know what, though?
That's a great way
to bully someone
back into the tip, though.
No.
You know what I mean?
Like, the people who are,
I can't even imagine not tipping because it's like something silly like that.
But if,
if a waitress says to me,
are you mad at me?
You'd be like,
well now if I don't tip,
no,
that's,
I spilled a whole bottle of wine on someone.
I was like,
instead of getting paper towels,
I was like,
are you mad at me?
Like,
I'm just placing myself firmly,
firmly there.
Like,
like what,
what if they are mad at me?
That's going to ruin the rest of our relationship.
Like they're here to get food and drink for me.
And I was so bad.
Like I have – anybody who is waiting tables and like if I get bad service, I still tip huge.
I'm like that was me.
Like I actually – I'm so rough.
Are you one of those people though who are like you don't know life if you haven't worked in the service industry?
I wouldn't go that far.
But I definitely make fun of my husband like you
never had like a minimum you never had to work a minimum wage job he's like babe i went to war
what do you know about service you've never served anything other than the goddamn country
i went to afghanistan and we were watching the movie waiting and he was like why are these people
working in this restaurant they're like 20s, 20s. I was like, probably for money, like the woman you married did.
My first job out of college was Boston Market.
Like, I had a hustle.
I feel like everyone who does that, whether, like, you, like, it's service industry or it's retail.
Retail.
Teachers.
And it's like, yeah, we all, like, 95% of people did these jobs.
Right.
But I think they're talking to a much broader audience. It was, like, that, like, you know, only 20% of people did these jobs. I think they're talking to a much broader audience.
It was like that like only 20 percent of people worked those jobs.
Like we all – yeah, I was a waiter.
I was a bartender.
I was a barback.
I worked retail.
When I was a child, I grew up and got a real job.
It's like, yeah, I did it.
Some days it sucked.
Some days it didn't suck.
It was like –
Yeah, there was other days.
Any job where you fucking –
There were some days here I'm like, God, I wish I was a fucking bartender again.
Absolutely.
Or there were the times that somebody left a fat tip for you bringing out a jar of ranch.
Like, who knows?
Like, I'm buying drugs tonight.
I was so excited.
I was so excited to become a waitress because before that I was working at Boston Market.
And there's no tips.
And people treat bathrooms differently when they know they're not going to be the ones cleaning it.
And I had to clean these bathrooms. My my husband's like you don't clean a bathroom
now and i'm like i know like i used to do it professionally though suck it yeah but i mean
like it was rough and then so when i finally got new york right now i live in new i live in new
york yeah i live in manhattan which it's you say right now does that mean you're leaving yeah i
mean i can't because of my job right it's just so expensive and they film yeah we film here in new york it's just so expensive
and like i'm not really like going out i'm not going out clubbing right right right yeah once
you don't do new york anymore it's really stupid to live here yeah but like i all my roots are here
you know like i like me my family everything's here And it's like if I could just pick all you motherfuckers up and move to like Virginia, I don't know, where it's just like so goddamn cheap.
But I don't know.
It depends on where you are with that.
So where would you go if you left New York?
I don't know.
Anywhere where, like, I don't know, like Texas maybe, Florida maybe.
I mean, I just.
There it is.
Fox News for you.
The thing is, is just the taxes just kill me, man.
It's like I struggle and I struggle and I struggle and I finally make money.
They're like, we'll take half of that now and the whole city will still smell like piss.
I get the idea of like when you start making money, that tax number becomes huge.
But wouldn't it stand to reason that the people who are not doing well would like...
Like the taxes still hurt them more just because they don't have any
fucking money see I don't believe in taxes
either just like driver's licenses
because it's stealing and it's not
that I don't like I would give money
to help people who need it I just don't think that
the government is the best at spending it I agree with that
but the problem is there's nobody
like you you know very few people that would
actually willingly give up their money I think you should at least be
able to pick like this goes here this goes here there's no transparency at all it's like the amount that I go to charities like you. Very few people that would actually willingly give up their money. I think you should at least be able to pick, like, this goes here, this goes here. There's no
transparency at all. It's like the amount that I
go and tax is... It's like donating to charities. You know that shit's
not going to the right people. You walk around and it's
disgusting. That's why I don't donate to charity anymore.
That's, yeah. I do.
I just... I'd rather...
Like, at Barstool, we've picked out
individuals and donated money. I'll do that shit all
day long. When you're giving it to a
fucking huge, basically like a corporation... Totally and that's like another way of getting rich totally
the government i mean like remember in the pandemic de blasio's wife was running like the
homeless mental health thing i'm like where it was like where did that all go it seems to still
be quite a problem i don't yeah for real what were you guys doing de blasio was the best he was so bad like eric
adams is just blah you know he's not he's not doing anything good he's not like he's like i'm
famous now i'm on the national stage it's like either be really great and make the city amazing
or i don't know be like de blasio and give me material for my show yeah he was fucking terrible
it's just so that was the you know what that was the one thing that united everybody everybody everybody hate is the biggest motivator
like you know bring you together of all time people fucking hated that guy that's true but
he didn't know it he was like i need to run for office totally oblivious and that's that's what
did he run for he ran for president he uh did he like his name. And who has it?
And everyone was like, no.
That was real quick.
That was done real quick.
Did you do the Pompeo campaign?
It's like I'm declaring for the NBA draft this year.
No one's going to draft you, but okay.
All right, good stuff, Kat.
So you are now a published author.
And Gutfeld is fucking right that way, babe. It's a great book. I'm actually a ride that way babe it's a great book i mean this
i'm actually i'm very proud of it yeah it's a funny book i mean it's legit that you know writing
it on your own so many people do these things and it's all no yeah i wrote every collaborated
rob gronkowski still has my favorite interview of all time about his book and someone said did
you write it and he said i read it well, that's actually something people don't even do that.
Oh, yeah, Gronk didn't read it.
That was a lie, but he at least said, I read it.
But I just, I mean, just in flipping open here,
you know, it's just like, it's written,
it's almost like our style of writing
where it's conversational and it's smart,
but it's just, it's not like hoity-toity.
It's easy to read.
Yeah.
So.
Like, fuck, with 11 u's in it
love it all right thank you so much it's out now it's out yeah yeah this will be out thursday so
yeah exactly you can't joke about that why everything is funny nothing is secret and
we're all in this together yes love it great to be back guys សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� Thank you. Bye.