KFC Radio - Barstool's Halloween Party Has an ABSURD Prize for Best Costume ft. Hasan Minhaj

Episode Date: October 27, 2022

- Feits bought a 12 foot tall skeleton and he'll be streaming the building of it - Barstool has a halloween party and the prize for best costume is absurd - The dirtiest man alive died - which is cleaner: bar soap or liquid soap? - Adidas cut ties with Kanye West and now everyone is pulling skeletons out of big corporations' closets - Man is rejected from a job for having too big of a d*** - AITA - Video Voicemails - child hugging postman - McLovin license plate - Taylor Swift therapy - Hasan Minhaj sits down to talk about how debate team led him to his career today, getting crossed up by Caleb McLaughlin from Stranger Things in a celebrity basketball game, aliens, and much more. ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - Feits' 12 foot tall skeleton 10:41 - Barstool's Halloween party 20:47 - Dirty man / soap debates 32:18 - Adidas cuts ties with Kanye 50:58 - man rejected from job for having too big on a d*ck 01:00:01 - AITA 01:18:50 - Video Voicemails 01:50:17 - Hasan Minhaj ++++++++++++++++++++++++ Thursday Boots: Go to https://barstool.link/ThursdaybootsKFC and try a pair today with free shipping & free returns LetsGetChecked: Visit https://letsgetchecked.com/KFCradio and use code KFC25 for 25% off LetsGetChecked’s at-home health testsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Can make the wash not as effective, not as effective it says. This is one site. At removing dirt, oils, and odor from your body. That is describing getting clean. I'm sold. I gotta admit. Guess what's in that fucking bag right there, baby?

Bars of soap. Bars of soap. Bars of soap. And I'll beat you with them if you have a bad cavity. My back, left tooth, my mucous. But like, it actually, when I chew, I intentionally chew with that tooth because it feels like I'm scratching an itch. What?

You see, so many things are just like not relatable. It's fun. It feels so good. Like I can't even put myself in your position and be like, what would that feel like? Fine, I'll tell you what to do. Start eating a bunch of candy and fall asleep without brushing your teeth. Then you're going to get a cavity.

Chew on that side of your mouth. It feels good. I've never gotten a cavity, so it wouldn't work. Ever? What? It's not a big deal. All right. It's KFC Radio.

Kevin's not here. He's hungover again. We have to talk to him. Got a problem. I mean, he's got to slow down. Well, at least he started once Jackie got here. So we are going to do basically a rundown. I have a list of things that we have to talk about. We have a list of things that we have to talk about.

We have a list of things that we have to talk about. I guess. Look at this. Look at this. We're cruising along on this rundown sheet. Kevin's out. He's hung over. Check.

That one's done. We did not mention on the episode last week or last week. I'm on to this episode. How I was suckered into buying a 12-foot tall skeleton for $800. Can you go to Amazon and just search giant skeleton? 14-foot, please. You're the wealthiest on this panel right now, right? This is under $400.

Will you buy us each one? Yes, absolutely. It was probably 15 feet. 14 feet. It was, yeah. Well, I just saw 20 autofill. Let's go bigger. Well, if it was 20, was probably was it 15 feet 14 feet it was yeah well I just saw 20 autofill let's go bigger

well maybe it was 20 I don't want inflatable bullshit on an 8 foot 1 for 350 no that was bigger

than 8 feet oh what's it I would imagine a 20 is going to be around 600 bucks 749 Johnny

749 boys Johnny we can $7.49. Johnny. $7.49, boys. Johnny. We have to get it sent here, though. No, I want it in your apartment. My bad. I want it in your apartment. No, I'm going to put it in my apartment.

Come on. It's just on my back porch. I can fit it. I can fit it. I can fit it. Buy it now. I will come over and help you assemble it. I can fit it. Buy it now. I will come over and help you assemble it. I'll chip in $100.

I'll throw $100. Yeah, we got it! Yes! Read the reviews first. It's, wait, I'm just going to get it at my prime. You've got to make sure it arrives before Halloween. Oh, no. We'll put it up for Thanksgiving.

Yeah. $740, not bad. It was a what? What's it called for Thanksgiving. Yeah. $7.40. Not bad. It was a what? What's it called? Home accents, 12-foot giant-sized skeleton. You can put, like, a Santa hat on it for the holidays. No, only two left in stock. Her.

Oh, that one has lights that, like, fucking... Oh, it's creepy. Is 12 feet that big? I don't know if I... You could also just give me a Nick, like, $100. No, no, no. Is there a bigger one? Delivery October't know, Fights. You could also just give me and Nick like a hundred bucks. Delivery October 27th, 28th. Wait, let's see if there's bigger.

Fifty's too big. I can't do fifty. Wait, let's go off of Amazon. You can't find anything more than twelve? Maybe that's the shipping limits. Alright, I'm gonna get it. If you come over... 700s. If you come over and help me assemble it, you have to...

Deal. Deal? Deal. You coming? Yeah. Do you have 12-foot ceilings in your apartment? I have a back porch. You've been in my apartment, haven't you? Yeah. Wait a minute, but you do have pretty high ceilings. It might fit inside.

I think... We'll check! We'll i think i bought it well jack the replies that have been seen where everybody else has gotten that skeleton for about 200 bro bro bro so actually let's check what it's at right now i've been following the market it's a very volatile market the 12 foot tall skeleton market and like depends what time you log on to amazon i've seen it as low as like 460 that's why um i i i have not seen any higher than what i got of that i really bought it at the peak um okay right now it's 405 dollars currently it's 405 dollars marked down from 697 which I don't think is... Whoa! Oh, I fucked up, dude.

But if you order it now, it probably won't get there in time. No, it doesn't get to November 2nd or 7th. Got it. But had I seen this one... Can you return this after you build it? I would imagine no, but what I'm going to do is I'm just going to... So you've ever been to my apartment. Nick, you have.

Yeah. The back porch. It's very easy To get to the building Next door Like really Just like I don't have to jump Or anything crazy like that

You can just kind of Swing your leg over the Jump building Building Something I can do Yeah I'll call you if I need you But you can just kind of

Swing your leg over the railing And you're on the roof Of the next building And that building Is the bodega And I'm just going to put it You're going to put it On a bodega you're gonna put it on just put it on the bodega like oh i'm sure yeah i can't imagine they have security cameras out there i'll wear a mask just in case um they're absolutely like that's gonna be the quickest like we we looked at the camera you threw it over your balcony

no i don't i'm not gonna put it there like I'm going to put it there standing up overlooking the bodega. You should just get like a 50% off sign and just... But what I said is I fucked up because there's a 12 foot giant inferno pumpkin skeleton with life eyes. What does that look like? I'm opening it up right now.

It looks pretty fucking scary. That one will run you 800 bucks. Ooh. Is that made out of noodles? Weird, like noodle-like things? Sorry. What is this made out of? Tree trunks.

Why? This is confusing me. I don't know why. I'm sorry. This kind of broke my... Just ignore. Wait. You thought it was made of noodles?

It looks like it's made of noodles. You think it's made of noodles? Cooked noodles. It is. Or tree trunk looking noodles. I don't know. I don't know. I don't even know what you mean, bro.

But so what we're going to do is we're going to build that. It doesn't look like Donnie's going to be able to make it. It is going to be here Friday at the latest, either Thursday or Friday, 27th or 28th with delivery dates. What we're going to do is we're going gonna build it on a live stream at my apartment i fear that the live stream is going to be really quick i think it's gonna come in like five pieces i think it's gonna come like a torso you attach the legs to it you attach the arms to it you slap the head on it you go i mean people have been tweeting me a lot of these fucking things there can't be this many people in the world who are handy yeah the ones where like houses have six

of them set up it seems which also again the amount of money that is going into these it is it is a crazy amount of money if you have more than one of these you need to be taxed in the billionaire tax bracket yeah it is a complete you have an unnecessary amount of money if you have more than one of these fucking skeletons um maybe you dress him up a little bit, too. I'm going to dress him up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, actually, I don't really have many 12-foot clothes, but I have a couple.

What's going to be his wardrobe? I don't know. I might just, you know what? Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe I'll just keep him here around and I'll always dress him for the theme of the holiday. Like a 12-foot tall skeleton Santa? Uh-huh.

We do have a bizarre amount of skeleton merch here at Barstool. Do we? Yes. Every time there's a championship, it's just a bunch of skeletons on it. It's kind of a Grateful Dead look, but then all the quarterbacks are dead, but they won. It's not something I've fully grasped. I promoted it for the Rams because we were Rams fans for two weeks.

Yeah, the Rams had a ton of skeleton stuff. I was like, why is Matt Stafford dead? I don't understand it. It's every team that wins a championship. It's a bunch of skeleton merch. Pabs is getting bodied by the TV right now. He's like, this is – But anyway, there's also going to be a barstool party going on during it.

So it's going to be a live stream outside, barstool party inside. I had to send out a guest list, and I'm not going to. Also, Nick had the audacity to ask me what I'm going to be serving for food at this party. You said you were going to be dressing up in possibly skeleton-themed costumes. I sure will be. I didn't know if you'd be serving skeleton-themed food. Oh, yeah, I'm going to bake a skeleton cake, too. I don't know.

What's HelloFresh got? Yeah, everyone in this room is definitively invited to this party. I think anyone who's listening, I'll be able to invite plenty of people. Is there a – wait, is this tomorrow? No, this is Friday. Yeah, yeah, it's Friday. All right, my brother's in town. I might bring him through. Bring him on. Bring him on. Wait, is this tomorrow? No, this is Friday. Yeah, it's Friday. All right, my brother's in town.

I might bring him through. Bring him on. Bring him on. Yeah, so Friday we'll have a party. Friday night. What I'm saying is Friday night, set your clocks for a live stream. I think we'll do a live stream earlier in the evening, and then we can probably turn that off and focus on the party a little bit later. But let's say A 7 o'clock

Time definitely could change Because I haven't talked to The other person building the skeleton Which is Nick Turani But let's say 7pm Friday night The KFC Radio YouTube There will be

A live stream At some point around then Okay Just to clarify Sun goes down by 6 What does that do then? Are we building it inside and then taking it outside? Maybe.

I also have lights outside. Oh, I don't know. But, yeah, sometime around then there will be a full-on skeleton build. And everyone comes to the party. I want to say everyone who comes to the party has to be in skeleton theme. I think, yeah. I'm not going to totally say that. But some

kind of Halloween theme. Don't fucking come like a lazy little dickhead. What are you going to wear? I'm going to wear skeleton stuff. How are you going to wear skeleton stuff? How? With skeleton stuff. Like the pretty standard t-shirt. Not t-shirt but the long sleeve shirt and pants with the skeleton on it. Lazy skeleton

type stuff. Hopefully with a glow in the dark theme. That would be nice if it glows in the dark, but we never know. Okay, check that. I guess since the Dave Portnoy show is in hiatus,

there is a vapid gap to be filled with Barstool drama. And I have some. It is juicy stuff. Tonight, Wednesday, as we record this, actually momentarily as we're recording this, probably in the next hour or so, there is a Barstool Sports Halloween party at the office, on the third floor. Costumes highly encouraged.

The prize of this Halloween costume contest. No, it's actually not even the Halloween costume contest. It is just a fucking, it is just a raffle. So just you come, you get raffled in. Do you know what the prize is? No. Do you know what the prize is? No. Do you know what the prize is? No one knows what this fucking prize is?

I know what the prize is, and it's similar to a prize if we steal your content and post it everywhere. It is a fucking gift card to the Barstool Sports Store. What? Dude, I don't know who's on the party planning committee here, but you fucking can't be giving out gift cards to the barstool store at barstool parties. That's just you can't have it. I could steal that just from upstairs. You could just steal it.

Yeah. Listen to Jackie. She could just fucking steal it. No, I don't do that. I wouldn't do that. I'm good. Don't do that. It is. We are one fucking step away from being like a corporate party where you get access to the vending machine for 30 seconds.

As much as you can grab is what you win for having the best costume. Which, by the way, we're going up to this. And if somebody's dressed like a complete asshole, if there's somebody dressed as a baby, we're coming back down and recording. It's going to be all third floor people. I'd be shocked if there are content people up there. Maybe one or two people up there stealing some food I can't imagine that there are many content people Like

Heading that way But even more so than the party The party in the office is a little I mean we've really Crossed a line into overly corporate A while ago We had meetings today talking about how we can't swear anymore Don't worry we're not going to

listen to him. But the the party in the office is bad enough. The party at the office is bad enough. Isn't that like an every year thing? Yeah, not this. This is like supposed to... We've never really done

the in-office happy hour for Halloween. We do like that but again like that i'm actually okay with that it's i draw the line at the 50 i don't actually i don't even know it was 50 it just says gift card the barstool sports gift card has a prize at a barstool sports party it's just flat out unacceptable you cannot have that that's crazy not my bar not my barstool. Not my Barstool. Everyone's a fucking pussy about live streams, and the company gives out gift cards to it.

It's like, here's 50 bucks. Give it back to us right now. There is no price. But it is also kind of wild that our discounts are like 10% off that we get here. So that is actually kind of something if you want Barstool merch. that like we get like our discounts are like 10 off i don't know we get here so it's like like that is actually kind of something if you want barcelona merch yeah that's a way to get it yeah or you could steal it like you do it is or you could steal it just for the record i don't actually steal it or you could fucking buy it if you're listening uh i'm wearing the weird but

fucking beautiful hat and i'm wearing the it's me hi i'm the problem it's me which is definitely going to be something i have to say to somebody about everything I'm saying right now I'm definitely going to have to talk to someone about this but whatever don't have shitty presents I don't have to talk about on my fucking podcast or if there was still an inside barstool podcast I wouldn't have to talk about it at all

however I can't let it go unmentioned that we're giving out a barstool gift card at the barstool sports Halloween party it's a crazy town it's like the last However, I can't let it go unmentioned that we're giving out a Barstool gift card at the Barstool Sports Halloween Party. It's a crazy town. It's like the last time we gave out a gift card, it was a whole hullabaloo. The last time we gave out a gift card, lawyers were involved. To give a $50 gift card to the Barstool store is still the dumbest thing I've ever heard. It is.

I don't know. We'll see what happens. I'm excited to see who's there. I'm excited to see who's jacked up for the fucking gift card. I think we should go grab some costumes from the corner and try to win this thing. I have a feeling that we're going to lose. I'll just go steal a dozen shirt and I'll go as Frank the Tank. There you go. Because, by the way, actually, now that this is out, there is a new Lowering the Bar today where I am inside a box,

and everyone is reaching their hands into the box, and they're trying to guess what it is, and it's my living head is in the box. Were they, like, touching your face? Oh, yeah. I was biting them. Yeah, you definitely have hand-foot-mouth disease. Yeah, probably.

Bro, if I have hand-foot-mouth disease by now, probably. Bro, if I have hand-foot-mouth disease by now... He just said that he hasn't bought soap in two years. We're going to get to that. We're going to get to that. Hang on a second. It wasn't two years.

That would be ridiculous. You said hand-soap in two years. Oh, hand-soap, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hand-soap's been since I moved into my apartment. Whatever, bro. Fuck it, eh.

We'll get to that. We'll get to that. But the... What was I just saying? Oh saying oh oh in the box everyone was so i actually want a super cut of this if we can ask colin for it like so accurately describing me without ever guessing me it was it was probably the most offensive thing i've ever taken part of yeah the way that you were describing it sounded Vibs brought you on to do the lowering the bar roast of John Feidelberg.

It would go. But like without knowing it was, it was people just cutting me down like limb from limb. Like what did Kate, what did Kate say? So, all right. So first it started with Nick Tarani who went,

no, no, I'm sorry. It was Donnie who was feeling my face, and he goes, whoa, big nose. And then he said, kind of a mustache. And then he feels my head and went, oh, that's a big head. Frank the Tank? I was like, Frank the Tank's fucking bald, bro.

I had my hair out um and then i forget who was saying what but there was a spattering of um who has low enough self-confidence to let you put them in this box who has enough time to let to be in this box who who is who sweats this much who who throws this much you would come back like gross yeah you're always kind of sweaty it was who throws as much heat um a lot of lacking self-confidence was it was was big in there and then the most impressive one of all was joey kamasta who touched my head like this and went oh that's john feidelberg like i'm talking like a pat on the head oh that's john feidelberg and i i snapped i was like what and he's like i know exactly how long and soft your hair is um so joey's background and beauty i think joey was the only one who got me but it

is very funny watch it um i was grabbing people i was squirting people i was spitting on people i was biting people do you think that they asked you because they knew that you would? Yeah. Yeah. I think there's a reason everyone was like the second everyone saw me, they're like, ah, I should have guessed it was him. So how many people guessed it was you? One.

Just Joey? Just Joey. Yeah. There were other people who said Kate had all that with the self-confidence and the sweaty and the big head and this and that. And then she said, is it John? And then she said, John Rich, not John Feidelberg. But everyone was like, once they saw me, they're like, oh, of course.

I sucked Ken Jack's finger at one point. It was a whole thing. It was a whole thing. But I had a lot of fun. Check that out, lowering the bar. Is that the weirdest thing you've had to do on that show? Or where would you rank that? No, that was fun. They kept apolog apologizing i'm having a blast they just kept

feeding me candy inside there so i just i'd be sitting in the box eating candy fucking with people like kidding me don't apologize to me i'm having a fucking time of my life i saw the box was like closed is was that just when people were walking up okay i was gonna say cool down when the when they start sticking i was wondering also if there was just like a GoPro inside of it. So it's just like that wide shot of your head. Nothing inside. It is wild that you haven't gotten kidnapped. Like you didn't get kidnapped as a kid.

Like just you were in a box, fed candy, you're happy. I'm an adult now. As a kid, I would have more demands. Where's a kiss? Come on, give Johnny a kiss Where's my sugar? Here's a milk that I got that kind Okay, so today's episode is going to be brought to you by GameTime

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Not a bad deal. Go to GameTime again. Thank you very much. I don't know why I said thank you. Whatever. I guess now we are going to do, we're going to do, I guess we'll start with the Dirty Man

since you already fucking ratted me out on that one. If you guys haven't known, R.I.P. What's my dirty dude's name? He's Iranian. I know that. Dirtiest man alive. 94 years old. Just passed away.

Big stoolie. Long time stoolie. Little chaps there. What's his name Amu Amu Haji Amu Haji R.I.P.

Amu Haji Has died He was a very very dirty man And What I Feel Sounds like weirdly kinky When you say that

He's a dirty boy What I feel That I was hoodwinked So I got tweeted this a lot yesterday. A lot of people tweeted this. Is he also a dirty man? Yeah. Yeah, I imagine that's why they were tweeting it.

I saw yours in Kevin's exchange where he's like, I had one typed out but thought this is far too mean. Like a jarring amount of people added me in. Which I think it's – Not a crazy amount, but a jarring. I think it's meaner to admit that you thought it was too mean. It's like, ah, no, this is too direct. Sorry, was this man going for, like, why didn't he just wash himself? Was he going for Dirtiest?

I'm glad you brought that up because that's what the headlines all left out of their fucking news yesterday. It was a big story yesterday. Everyone left it out. Everyone was, oh, the dirtiest man alive died. Dirtiest man alive died. You know what he did recently? He fucking showered. Well, then the dirtiest man alive did not just die.

A good point by you as well. My argument is that's what killed him. He was doing great until he fucking cleansed himself, and now he's dead. It's like when you clean like fishes tanks and then they die is that is that true it's a thing i think really that happened to my fish so i thought it was a thing but i actually oh there it is am i sorry the um the yeah well but my point is with all this this, is I was very offended that I got all those tweets yesterday.

I was a little upset that a lot of people were like, fights, you're next in line for the throne, you're on deck, baby. And then today before the show, I stopped in at Dwayne Reed, and I got soap for the first time in probably a month and a half, two months. So my question to everybody in the room is how long have you gone without using soap? Like body soap? Body soap. I've definitely gone like probably a three-week period where I just keep forgetting.

Yeah. Colleen? What? Not more than a day? Yeah. Not more than a day? A single day? Yeah.

In your whole life? Since you've been in control of your cleanliness? Yeah. Maybe if I don't shower, if I miss a shower or something. A single day in your whole life since you've been in control of your cleanliness. Yes. Maybe if I don't shower, if I miss a shower or something. Well, that would be longer than a day. Okay, so it's like, but that's like under weird, like when I got my nose job, like I didn't shower for like three days or something like that. Okay, so three days a year.

So I couldn't soap my, soap, put soap, soap. What? Yeah, no, you're just great. Sorry, I'm feeling really awkward today because i couldn't wash myself with soap yeah then i don't think i've ever like no never i mean so yeah you what like i have it on hand at all times you have soap on like right right now oh the the i i i don't think it's what about you you know i've got a long time there was a point in college where like nobody wanted to buy the next bottle so it's just like a standoff somebody had a date and they just had to give it bro i went through i went to that i had

that standoff with myself where i was like, I had a fucking – so I probably haven't had – I'm a bar soap guy. I'm team fucking bar soap. If you're team body wash, that means you're team I like to be dirty. Yeah. The body wash doesn't do fucking – What's your logic there? Body wash doesn't do shit to you.

What's your logic there? My logic is body wash is just like you're rubbing a lotion on yourself. You're not fucking getting clean. If anyone who's a body wash person is shaming me about being dirty, get the fuck out of here. You're a disgusting human being. If anyone who's a body wash person is shaming me about being dirty, get the fuck out of here. You're a disgusting human being. Wait, but you didn't have any kind of argument. You just said that... Like, it's like... When you're using a bar of soap,

you're fucking... You're getting a layer of skin off. You're getting that dirty layer of skin off. No, it's just the same thing. It's just like a thicker... No. I would say it even... No. I'm passionate about this topic. I think body wash is bullshit. I think body wash is bullshit. I think body wash is just fake. It's not real.

Like, when you're fucking sudsing up with your hair and the shampoo, you're like, okay, this is doing something here. You just rub body lotion on you, and then it just washes off. No, it suds it up. It doesn't suds it up, but it doesn't get the layer of fucking dry, dirty skin off. Wait, are you using, like, a rag, though? Because that's, I think, kind of what you got to do

to get it to suck. Yeah, I'm not using a rag. Oh, well. You're not using a rag either. You're using a loofah? Get the fuck out of here. You're not a loofah person. I, I, I.

Yeah, don't try and lie to me. I'm just like, there's just not, like I have sensitive skin so loofahs just make me like break out in hives. Yeah, okay. So you have sensitive skin

that you don't clean because you just rub body wash on. No, because I, but it's all clean when I use the liquid soap. No, it's not. Yes, it is. It's not has it's all clean when i use the the liquid soap no it's not yes it is it's not it's like the bar does not clean you that's a goddamn motherfucking the bar of soap doesn't have any kind of like exfoliating factors yes it does no it doesn't the kind i buy does it's slippery no no no no it's like drop the soap but it's like because

it's slippery oh we're getting homophobic now fantastic it's like it's like you know it's like don't drop the soap because like it's easy to drop the soap because it's slippery. Oh, we're getting homophobic now. Fantastic. No, no, I'm just saying like, it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, don't drop the soap because like it's easy to drop the soap because it's slippery. Because what? Because a guy will fuck you?

No, that's nothing to do with homophobia. That's exactly what don't drop the soap means. I know, but I'm saying, but I wasn't saying it in like a

homophobic reference. I'm saying it in a soap is slippery reference. The, the idea that you think, so you, so you just like, you think body wash cleans you equally or the same, or, or do you think So you just like You think body wash cleans you equally

Or do you think it cleans you better Well I guess if I'm taking a stance I think it cleans you better Yeah right Give me a google Let's check the science on this There's not going to be any kind of scientific experiments on this Oh I beg to differ

There will be science on this And that's a god damn motherfucking fact I think There will be Okay wait wait wait Riddle me this before we look up anything this one okay so bars of soap where the og soap yep way forms right yeah so then why wait sorry to interrupt i have a mosquito in my apartment who is just running my show you know why because you Because you're dirty. No, that's not why. It's because I have fucking juicy-ass blood.

It is, dude. It's fucking like every night, he's just fucking, I can hear him buzzing my tower, and he just fucking gets in, gets out. I can never catch him, but I am, I was looking in the shower,

I was looking in the mirror after I got out of the shower today. First of all, I put on some weight. Second of all, I am covered in bug bites like everywhere he's just running my show oh my god could also be the fact that you're like sweating through your sheets from not having air conditioning for like months the mosquito might be the least here problems no it's not it's my number one problem right now not having soap was

number two i rectified that one today all right so what's your argument here don't look at that yet don't look at that yet my argument what oh okay so it starts with bar soap and then they have to make the science community says well this isn't working we have to come out oh you think that's what it was you think the science community decided that's what it was i think or you think it was maybe capitalism and they were like consumers seem to like this more. You think scientists... Got me there a little bit. No, no, no. I do think scientists...

You think scientists were like, excuse me, is this Procter & Gamble? Yeah, I got to talk to the Dove company. Seems like that soap you're using isn't cleaning people. Well, they just said our people are dirty. We need something that's going to be stronger. And they said liquid soap is the next thing. So it's like if there's an OG and then something better, that means that there was a problem with the first one that's that's that's

incorrect so there's a problem with what we got here we got here what's what's the result uh so basically it's better the body wash is better for hydration okay but it can irritate your skin and it's not as effective at removing dir, oils, or odor from your body. You just described getting clean. You just described that it is not as effective at getting clean. This is one search. Yeah, all we need is one. Don't look any further than that.

It says the gentle nature, not getting the layer of dead skin off like I mentioned, the gentle nature of liquid body washes. I fucked that up. Liquid body washes I fucked that up The gentle nature of liquid body washes May boost hydration to your skin Fantastic you look very Liquidy whatever You got hydrated skin is what I'm saying But

Can make the wash not as effective Not as effective it says This is one site Removing dirt, oils and odor from your body. That is describing getting clean. I'm sold. I got to admit. Guess what's in that fucking bag right there, baby?

Bars of soap. Bars of soap. Bars of soap. And I'll beat you with them if you have a different opinion. Can I just say that this would be the perfect opportunity for my website? I knew this was coming. My website. I want to create, the fake news website. Are you describing Snopes?

No, no. She wants to make a website that when you go to it, it looks like Google, but it gives the results that you want. Oh! So, yeah. Smart. Right? Very smart, yeah.

I came up with another invention, too. I was going to say, when you first pitched that to us, you did not realize you were just making fake news. But it's a – I mean, it's catch your phrase. Just run with that one. But it exactly – like, so we don't know the paths. Like, you could have gone to the site and just said – like, so then you type in how you want to phrase it. Like, is bars of soap cleanlier than

body wash and then you get the results whatever um but do you want to hear my next idea yeah jelly pillow and it's just a pillow full of jelly and i'll be honest i put that together but it's not to put myself on the back there It wouldn't be like smuckers So it would be something like odorless and whatever But it would just be a comfortable pilly full of jelly So basically you're inventing Kind of waterbeds in a sense

Like a thicker waterbed Like a thick waterbed I guess Okay so it's a jelly ball. Like a thick water bed. Thick water. I guess. But it's... Okay, so it's a thing. But no, these aren't full of... No, these aren't... You mean like full of smuckers.

I want full of jelly. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I'll fuck with that. I can get down with that. Okay. I mean, I'll give it a try. I like a more...

I will make some prototypes. I like a firmer mattress, but a softer pillow. Jackie, I actually... I might be a preserves guy in a pillow. I want you jelly... That's going to be but a softer pillow. Jackie, I might be a preserves guy in a pillow. I want you to... That's going to be like a nugget? I like a preserves.

I like maybe a couple seeds in there, harden it up. I'm a preserves guy through and through in every sense of my life, so why not continue that to the pillow?

Okay. All right. I want you... Do you guys want jelly pillows? I want you to actually make a prototype for the vlog. Yeah.

Okay, I will. Yeah. That's a to actually make a prototype for the vlog. Yeah. Okay, I will. Yeah. That's a great idea. You can expense the jelly. Okay. Okay. Okay. You're going to need a lot of jelly.

Okay. Next topic. Right? We got the dirty thing out. We are... I mean, we are... I've convinced everyone about we're all done with body lotions here. You sold me.

Okay. Yeah. No, I'm getting a bar of soap. Yeah. All right. Thank you sold me. Okay. Yeah, no, I'm getting a bar of soap. Yeah. All right. Thank you very much. Now, a former fan of, someone I'm a former fan of, pretty hot in the news this week, Kanye West, been dropped by Adidas due to anti-Semitic remarks.

Jackie, your opinion. I think that it's good for Adidas to drop him. You think so? I think that Kanye West is, I don't know what he's on, but he's got to. He's off his Lexapro because you've never seen something as crazy as Kanye off his Lexapro. I believe he uses the N-word in that line. I'm going to say Kanye. Yeah, I think that he really, really dropped the bag on this one, and I don't see how he's going to make any kind of money in the future.

Yeah, I think it's going to be pretty tough for Kanye to come back from this. My sister, I don't know why, she's like so in on cancel culture for some reason. Oh, the feeling saying this is cancel culture are the dumbest people alive. And also, this is what cancel culture has always been. It's always been capitalism, people making the right decision. Maybe not making the right decision, but making a decision that they feel is best for their bottom line. That's what cancel culture has always been. Yeah, people say that this is cancel culture. It's like that's it.

But every person who's ever been canceled, it was just because a business decided that that's bad for their bottom line and they're going to be done with it. Yeah. That's exactly what's happening here. I'm not saying Kanye got canceled. I'm saying cancel culture has always been this. Yeah. Are they trying to say because people were tweeting at Adidas, you have to drop Kanye, that that's why Adidas did it? That's not why Adidas realized.

I'm sure it played a part in it. Yeah. If you're going to have that against your brand. Wait, so was Adidas the one that lost 120 – No. I think they lost like 250. They lost 250 this quarter or something like that, 246. And then he's – I think his wealth got cut in half.

Like he's worth around $400 million now. So if he doesn't make another penny, he's fine. But, yeah, then like I mean Aaron Donald and – Jalen Brown. And Jalen Brown left Donda. The Donda fucking high school girls team, which, by the way, the Donda, if you've ever seen the video, like the clip of the kids all singing good morning at Donda Academy,

it's a goddamn motherfucking cult. Everyone should get the fuck out of there. I think I tweeted, like, isn't this what the CIA, like, assassinates people for to protect the greater good? Yeah. Because this is about to get out of hand. Dude, it is. It is.

The Don, I guess the girls basketball team got uninvited from tournaments, all kinds of shit. Antonio Brown said he's riding with him. Well, Antonio Brown is the president of Don Academy, which I don't think anyone knew until, not Don Academy, of Don the sports. Maybe Don Academy. Check that. Check his statement. I think Don the sports. But I don't think anyone fucking knew that until he tweeted out, I'm not quitting. academy of donda sports maybe donda academy check that check his check his statement i think donda sports um but i don't think anyone fucking knew that until he tweeted out i'm not quitting everyone

you have a job he's talking about the president of donda sports yeah um so yeah kanye and uh and ab yeah if you if you're finding yourself aligned with those two guys right now it's it's not the place to be one guy who's just mercilessly tweeting at Kanye, Tom Brady wants to fuck his wife. And then the other guy who is just really anti-Semitic. They've teamed up. They're on the same squad. So if you're a person who's out of their goddamn fucking minds

and looking for a place to hang, might I suggest wherever Kanye and AB are. However, now that we got the serious stuff out of the way there's been a lot of rumors swirling about other corporations that have not so great ties okay a lot of people which really sucks for them like i i was trying to think of like like when you were a kid and like maybe you got a C on your report card. And you're like, my parents are going to be pretty pissed, but I'll get over this. But then your brother really got in trouble.

And now they're going to be mad and this is just going to make them more mad. I would have gotten away with this if you had to go and get arrested. And now they're pissed about my C too. I would have been fine with just a C. i would have talked my way out of this one but like now they're furious and they're on the fucking warpath there's a lot of a lot of companies catching strays um on twitter and the internet right now because people like they said uh excuse me nazism speaking of and then they're listing things such as Hugo Boss, Mercedes, Volkswagen, Kodak, Coca-Cola. I didn't know Kodak was involved. IBM.

Wait, hold on. Basically, before you say hold on, what I'm going to say is, do you know what brands used to be Nazis? All the best ones. All the best ones. All the good ones. I disagree with them, but this is just a fact. If you're a high-end brand right now, you are a Nazi. The only fucking companies that weren't into Nazism are white trash companies. Like fucking Pepsi stayed true to the American dream.

And now every restaurant is like, is Pepsi okay? Like, you're fucked now. Fucking Lil Debbie, fucking Pepsi and Spam are the ones who are like, we're not going to do anything with Nazis. But everyone else, everyone else it seems like worked with not. Doc Martens was getting thrown out there. There are, Doc Martens, what did I say? Yeah, I said Doc Martens.

Give me, Pat, give me as big a list as you can fucking fanta of the yo fanta was like invented by the nazis oh my god yeah no they were like these are companies with like nazi collabs oh god doc martin's ex-nazism there's a dark skit out there of, don't you want to Fanta? Like when that got created. Oh yeah, BMW. Ford. Ford? Ford betrayed the American dream, those sons of bitches.

What'd they do? I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, like, if you didn't work with the nazis there's a ceiling on how classy your brand can get the elite brands the supreme brands worked with nazis i don't know if i could say any of this i'm kidding i'm very much kidding sad boy has dropped john feidelberg i'm stepping up. SAFPA Industries would like to make a statement. Top 10 American brands that aided Nazis.

10, Coca-Cola. 9. Wait, go back up. Is that a Nazi symbol in Coca-Cola? Yeah, it is. It's a swastika with Coca-Cola written on it. Jesus. That's a tough one for Coca-Cola.

By the way, I'm not even making jokes. I'm just listing facts. High-end brands worked with Nazis. Chase Manhattan. MGM. MGM. Oh, MGM probably made Nazi propaganda, right? See what they did.

Hold on. Yeah, wait. Go up to that because that's the great dictator, which is like mocking Nazis. Hey, Pat, zoom in a little bit. I'll read it prior to world war ii germany had what had been one of america's most important film markets as implied in the above entry germans had a bit of an obsession with the heavily romanticized version of america and as such american film studios were willing to bend over backwards to appease the german

government even warner brothers who developed a reputation for being the most anti-nazi of the major studios at the time, ordered that the word Jew be taken out of their movies and invited Nazi dignitaries to visit their studio. Yikes! But the single greatest act of Nazi support was one done by MGM after the invasion of Poland in 1939.

They donated prints of 11 of their films to the German relief effort. The German relief effort? After the war with Poland began. These bewildering dreams of maintaining a market in Germany only died off after France and Britain's markets threatened to die out too in response to all this collusion with their enemy. So they saw a crystal knock, then were like,

they're probably tired, they smashed up a lot of shit, go send them some movies. That's crazy. That is nuts. All right, let's check out what Chase Manhattan do. Chase Manhattan. The Chase Manhattan Bank form of colluding with the Reich was particularly heinous. Chase Bank, folks.

This is so fucked up. Oh, God. This is what I mean. I apologize to all the Nazi sympathizing brands that were outing here. But you guys were high end. So that's good. I'm going to get my account closed. It's like you keep going high end brands and you keep doing like a hail thing.

The Chase Manhattan Bank form of colluding with the Reich was particularly heinous. Because Carlos Niedermann, Chase's representative in Paris, had very good personal relations with the Nazis, he agreed to their request that the bank seize the assets of at least 100 Parisian Jews that were considered especially worth pursuing by the Reich. Yikes!

This doubtlessly helped the Gestapo capture those people. Chase Manhattan was hardly alone in this, though. In 1998, the company was part of a suit demanding reparations from J.P. Morgan and Citibank for the millions of dollars stolen. In the end, the payouts were $200 a month. Yikes. The survivors and descendants had to fight not only that large amounts of their payments that had to

fight to not have large amounts of the payments eaten up by the wire transfer fees so even then they were 98 they was trying to be motherfuckers about it jesus let's see what else we got number seven dow chemical i can't i can't say I'm too surprised that chemical companies are a bunch of motherfuckers. I have a question. Yeah, ask away, Jack. Do you think that, like, hail, the word hail, like when you hail a taxi, right? Yeah. Is that what came first, the chicken or the egg type of thing?

Well, Heil is Heil. I get that it's Heil, and I get that it's German and everything. I actually don't know what the definition of Heil is. But is that, did that come, like, was that specifically a Nazi thing, and then we just said, like, you hail a taxi? It means salvation. It means salvation? So save Hitler? God save the Queen of Germany?

It's relations between man and his God. Okay. Yeah, yeah. God save Hitler. Jesus Christ, don't cut that out. So then when we say hail a taxi. When you say hail a taxi. When you say hail a taxi. You're saying God save a taxi. God save a taxi. No. No.

No. No. But I'm saying like is that are we referencing? No. No. I don't honestly I don't know. I'm going to say no. But why hailing a cab is problematic and associated with Nazism. Jackdog.

Bro, we are fucking. This episode is all over the place. And I love it. Dude, the promo of this episode is we get deep into Nazi time. Kevin's going to wake up to that headline be like what the fuck happened i wish i was there i can't be hung over again um so yeah i can't really read that one pass why don't you let me know on that alt-right users on 4chan have sent out messages to their followers to hail cabs all across the world to signify their allegiance with Adolf Hitler

and Nazism. Oh, well that's different. Yeah, but this report right here is basically telling people to not associate yourself with Nazi fascists. Good advice. You know, I don't think this is 4chan. I think people that run Uber got

onto 4chan and were like, alright, we're gonna make it so if you get a cab, you're Nazi. And then we're going to be the good ones. They gave a list of tips, though, on how not to be associated with Nazi Germany. First, stop hailing taxis. Second, stop doing the okay hand gesture famously known as a survey. That was ridiculous when they convinced the whole world. I was like, it just means okay. Third stop memeing Pepe the Frog.

What? Pepe the Frog. When did Pepe the Frog get turned into a Nazi? Pepe was one of the first to go. Was he? Yep. Because I still see him a lot. I'm glad I know that because I've definitely almost fired one of those off.

Oh, Pepe the Frog? Yeah. All right. I'll be honest. The origin of hail is Germanic. I am. I mean, there's no way, but there's no way. Okay, one more Google on this path,

and then we'll get back to companies that are Nazis. When did the phrase hail a cab get invented? It was pre-40s. Alright, here's what the deal. I'm going to give you a solid maybe on this. Okay, I'll take that. That is a... I don't know. It sounded

kind of silly at first. But when you're hailing something, there's no way after the war, we were like, we should use this to get fucking. We were like, all right, we'll take all the Nazi doctors and we'll take all the Nazi scientists. We'll get to the moon real fast. And also, what if we use that Hitler greeting to get cabs? We'll repurpose it now that it's gone.

What I would imagine happened was this is still equally fucked up. When you have to get a cab, you put your arm out and then people are like, oh, that's kind of funny. It looks like the Hitler. Are people saying that? I don't know. That's what I would guess. They were hailing a cab and I was like, that's kind of fucked up. But I don't know. I don't know either.

I'm giving you a solid maybe. I don't even know when taxis got popular in the States. I feel like it was before the 40s. But I can't tell you definitively. I don't know. I don't know. I'll do more research and I'll get back. Yeah.

Okay. The first taxi accident was in 1899, so that was before that. Okay. But did the phrase hail a cab exist then? I don't know. I don't know. My homework is jelly pillow. Jelly pillow.

Figure out Halo taxi. Halo taxi. All right, pals. What are our top five Nazi companies? I know one was IBM. Yeah, IBM made some kind of technological chip for the SS. I know that. When you originally said IBM,

I didn't realize they were such an old company. So I was like, were they doing this shit recently? What's going on? We got up to a 7, which is Dow Chemical. 7 is Dow Chemical, which, again, I can't say I'm surprised. Brown Brothers, I don't know who this is. Brown Brothers Harmon? BBH.

BBH? Is that a Bush right there? Is that George H.W. right there? That is Bush Family Fortune, yeah. Okay, that'll do it, yeah. They ran a business. Don't really know what they did here. Okay, so them.

Woolworth. Their entire inventory came from Germany. The entire store, okay. What did Woolworth do? They sold everything The Nazis They sold things So the Nazis Could make money

Is basically what They funded the Nazi regime Okay Then we got Alcoa I don't know what that is Aluminum producer Aluminum

Aluminium Is how it's pronounced Actually That's how the British say it They invented the language You went to British Like Britain Or England But everyone just kept Saying aluminium It is is pronounced actually. That's how the British say it. They invented the language. You went to British, like Britain or England.

But everyone just kept saying aluminium. It is. I'm kidding. I've heard John Oliver say it. I didn't know one single person say aluminium. I was going to say, that sounds like a Rudy word.

What's this one? This is Ford. And they were supplying 1,200 Russian slaves to Ford's factories. What, dude? So they had Russian Jewish slaves, I imagine, working at Ford? In 1998, it came out that the Third Reich was providing Ford's factory in Cologne with 1,200 Russian slaves. As a form of compensation.

Compensation for what? By the way, on the cover of this I looks like maybe the Ford's like worker paper. The Ford's I don't know, whatever you call that. The headline is The International Jew, Colin The World's Problem.

Did you just say Colin? You just said Reich. I said Colin. I meant Colin Reich. Yeah. The International Jew, Colin, The World's Problem. You said Colin, and then I still can't get over Reich. Yeah, right. All right, so Henry Ford was a committee member

on the America First Association, which advocated America to stay out of World War II. Yeah, America First was pretty heavily full of Nazis. America First was like the rallying cry of Nazis in America. And last but not least, IBM. In 1933, international business machines began providing German with punch card machines that functioned as precursors to

modern computers and databases. Documents have since been uncovered that show that as late as 1941, IBM was working in tandem with the Reich to liquidate Jews from Holland. Liquidate is a fucked up word. Yeah. I get that that was their goal. But liquidate just sounded like, oof.

Jesus Christ. IBM employees were training SS personnel goal but liquidate just like oh jesus jesus i've been i've been employed trade i am ibm employees were training ss personnel how to use their machines to record the movement sorting and mass execution of large numbers of undesirable liquidate and undesirables are two words i wouldn't have used in this fucking thing yeah um in this article written in 2020 right At times, right in the headquarters of death camps. These machines, however, remained IBM property at all times. In 2002, IBM was sued

by five gypsies to collect... Man, the gypsies really caught a raw deal. I think Sam Rill has a joke where he's like, yeah, there were other people involved in the Holocaust, but like, if you were someone who wasn't jewish aren't you like because there's someone i could talk to yeah i think there's been a misunderstanding um

ibm was sued by five gypsies to collect reparations because their parents had been killed during the holocaust after four years of legal discussion the case was dismissed due to the statute of limitations let's show fucking motherfuckers off on a statute of limitations is scumbag shit you can't you cannot drop a statute of limitations Is scumbag shit Scumbag shit You cannot drop A statute of limitations On the Holocaust Actually guys

It was 50 years And you're about 30 late it seems So yeah Anyway Tough day to be All those companies Those companies were like

Really working with Nazis I didn't realize That they were like I thought it was kind of like Here and there You thought Accidentally made some Clothing for them.

Not just like took on their slaves. Yeah. Yeah. That was bad. Yeah. That was pretty bad. Yeah, there's a lot of companies who are like, Kanye, I wish you'd shut the fuck up

so everyone doesn't think about all the companies. The getting a C reference is a good reference. What's that? So the getting a C and then your brother or whatever. Yeah. Living fine Okay and then last but not least I guess we will do Can you pull this story up for us Pabs?

A man was rejected from a job Because his penis is so big They thought he had an erection during the interview It's via the New York Post First of all Bro congrats Kind of fucking sick To be like yeah I didn't get the job what happened It's via the New York Post. First of all, bro, congrats. Kind of fucking sick to be like, yeah, I didn't get the job.

What happened? Big cock. They couldn't take on his extraordinary qualifications. A man with a nine and a half inch penis I don't think is big enough. Maybe it's like the thick. Jackie's like, oh, he's girthy. So a man with an impressive nine and a half inch penis. That's a big penis. That's not you get fired from your job big.

Or you don't even get the job big. You got to start asking what kind of pants was he wearing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You might have been asking for it. A man with an impressive nine and a half inch penis has alleged he was rejected from a job because they thought he had an erection the whole interview

British television network channel 4 featured the man Joe on their show aptly titled my massive cock shout out British TV

what should we call the show what's it about it's about a big cock let's call it my massive cock apparently there's like a British dating show where it shows

like like it's men and women where it shows like like it's men and women and it shows it starts scanning up so it starts in the feet and you don't show the face you show the face last and then you like you sit with the person it's like love is blind but it's like you sit with the person and like they then you start scaling upwards for like whoever and then it gets to the genitals and then like from the genitals you just you decide yes or no so maybe it's like he has a small dick but he has a really hot face and you're like fuck like i fucked that up wait oh like they're naked they're everybody's completely naked oh i missed that part yeah sorry i meant to say that completely naked and this is on like live television they show everything

yeah the british don't fuck around yeah that that's like next on a whole nother level like you remember that mtv show yeah. Where they just see him, and they're like, you're butt ugly, get the fuck out of here. When they next you, when they see your dick, that's tough.

That's tough. There's no coming back. That's very tough. I would like to get that TV show, like... But also, like, if you have... I feel like she next to me, and my cock was too big. Yeah. But if you have, like, a small dick,

then you don't go on that show. So I'm sure, like, everybody's fine. Yeah, that's a good point. That's a good point. Because no one, like... If you like a small dick Then you don't go on that show So I'm sure like everybody's fine Yeah that's a good point That's a good point Because no one's like If you have a small dick You know you're not getting past it Yeah Like you're like alright

She'll be okay with the knees But once you get to the dick It's a real fucking disaster scene Mastercock Which follows well endowed men While some of the series admit They don't mind their large While some of the series

Yeah there's a missing word there While some of the series admit They don't mind their large while some of the series yeah there's a missing word there while some of the series admit they don't mind their large appendages others are seeking reduction surgeries following struggles to fit in among peers and strangers again i i've seen dicks bigger than nine and a half inches and they seem like guys who operate in society just fine joe who chose to withhold his surname is among those who have said that their large penis has gotten in the way of leading a normal life and even derailing his career. The scaling is off, quite off.

It's thicker than my forearm. Knew it. I'm on fire today. It's about seven inches around. Oh, my God. Ow. Seven inches around. I don't even know.

Is this seven inches around? We need to get a tape measure and like a shering to figure that out hang on i can i'm gonna i'm gonna mark this my thumb's about an inch okay one inch this is gonna be hard to mark i'm gonna be honest i feel like i'm not gonna do the science experiment had to have had kind of a boner because it's like like that like you could see that that's just a big dick. That's not a boner. But if they're saying he is boner,

then I think, I was going to say that. Wait, is that his dick going down his leg? Yup. This is it right here. Oh, Jesus.

I thought it was the fucking thing hanging. I was like, that was a good dick. I think that's just his ball. So that's his thing going all the way down to the forearm? Going to the middle of his quad? Yeah. Jesus.

All right. Maybe this guy fucking deserves to not have a job. That's a fucking horse cock. That is... All right, man. I don't fucking blame anyone for not wanting to be in the same room as that thing. Yeah, what? Is this small?

That's the dude? Bro, his dick is bigger than his bicep. Straight up, his dick is bigger than his bicep. Oh, my God. Dude, that is fucking preposterous. Oh, my God. Dude, that looks like the fucking thing that Ben Stiller uses to pump up his junk. Yeah.

When he's like fucking jacks it up a bit. This is crazy. Bro, this guy has to hit the gym. That's the problem here. If his body wasn't so disproportionate, it would look better. Like, go do some squats. Do some curls, have a fucking meal replacement shake

after a meal, get a couple LBs on you, and then maybe your massive penis won't be as visible. Also, what are you doing with the job? Would that just, to the OnlyFans

and fucking, like, rake in and be like, what's on here? It's my massive cock. Like, I think, I think even more than OnlyFans, it's going to be be like, what's on here? It's my massive cock. I think even more than OnlyFans, it's going to be part of a horse show. Be the fucking horse.

It is. I mean, I don't blame these people. I hate to victim blame. I hate to be part of a society that doesn't give people employment because of their looks. But I can't have this guy fucking walking around, put his dick on my desk, coming over to talk to me for a second.

I'm like, get your fucking cock out of my face. But he has to, if you want to work here, you have to wear hockey pants. That's the only thing you can wear every day to work is you wear a big pair of hockey pants. Otherwise your dick's going to take my eye.

All right. Speaking of dicks, let's get checked. Folks, let's get checked offers a range of sexual health testing options. They are, Jackie, you want to reach behind you? There's a box around here somewhere. We got one. It's over there. Perfect.

Right here. Boom. You get this nice little box sent to you. You put your sample in here. Very discreet packaging. Very discreet process i don't know if anyone here anyone listening or here in the room has had an ordeal where they went to get checked for stds um i had one the one time i not the one time but one time when i was younger i thought i had herpes i've told that story before a bunch of times. And I went to the clinic, but I was still, I think I was like 19. So I was still on my parents' insurance, and I didn't want it to come up that I went to the clinic on their insurance.

So I was just paying in cash, but I had already showed up to the clinic. Then I went to go to the ATM, and I come back, and it was just a whole ordeal. It was not convenient. Let's Get Checked is super convenient. It's sent right to your house. You can try at-home STD testing for fast and discrete results with follow-up. This is important. With follow-up virtual consultation and treatment options available.

You hope for good news. If you have bad, they got your back there too. Standard 5 is the most popular choice covering the same STDs as testing done by physicians or hospitals. I'm going to guess. What do you think Standard 5 is? Chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, syphilis. What's the fourth, you think? Pat, check up there with their standard five as well.

I'll do the rest of the sad read. You can order a testing kit that will be delivered to you in discreet packaging, as I mentioned. Did we say gonorrhea? Chlamydia? I don't think we said gonorrhea. No, I think you did. I did? Gonorrhea to chlamydia.

It is HIV. Gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV. Syphilis. Syphilis. And what's the last one? I've never heard of it. Trichomia. I don't know what that one is.

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All right. Time for am I the asshole? Am I the asshole? I ask in a German accent because of the Nazis. Mark that. But also to answer the question Yes you're assholes Nazis are assholes I'm not afraid to say it

Some people are Some people go on drink champs And say they can't They can say anti-semitic things And not get in trouble Not me Not me dude I say pro-semitic things

Cause I'm a pro-semite Am I the asshole For not wanting to share my bed With a teenager What? Initial gut reactions, no You're good This is actually also before I even read this

Makes me think of the line in 30 Rock When Jack is dating God I forget her Fucking name, Julianna Moore is her name But I forget the character she plays. And she comes to visit New York with her two teenage kids. And Julianna Moore's got the worst Boston accent

in 30 Rock. And she says, Jack, I gotta go home. You know how hard it is to get a teenage out of bed in the morning? And to which Jack Donaghy replies, I do, but not for the reasons you're talking about um very funny line jack donaghy's like an all-time classic character he's as good as it gets that's i haven't watched all 30 rock but like any episode i've seen he's he's stealing the show started absolute you had him in like your when that picture came out of

all like the women's national team with all the other like American heroes. Yeah. I had Jack Donaghy on there? Well, yeah. It was one of our first live shows. You had Jack Donaghy. I think Jenna Jameson was on there. That might have been Kevin's.

But it was like Jack Donaghy was one of the main ones on it. I got to go dig that up. Okay. Am I the asshole for not wanting to share my bed with a teenager? I'm a divorced mother of three, only one at home, and was seeing people but not dating anyone seriously. I started dating a friend of almost three decades who had been widowed for five years.

I think that he would be a widower, right? I think so. I never learned that one. Who had been a widower, right? I think so. I never learned that one. Who had been a widower for five years and moved back into the area after his wife's passing. He recently asked me to move in with him, and I have slowly begun doing that. However, his kid uses his bedroom as theirs.

His kid uses his bedroom as theirs. So the kid sleeps in his bedroom. Okay. Yeah. That happened before me And so I didn't expect it to go away anytime soon Without serious intervention By the way, the kid is 17 years old

I'll wake up on a weekend Fix my coffee and start moving around Only to walk by the bedroom and see a teen In what is supposed to be my bed I'll have to work And find a teen in what is supposed to be my bed. Keep in mind, this isn't a kid lying on top of the bedding. This is a kid wrapped up in the blankets and sheets

in various states of undress. I've spoken to my boyfriend and he says, well, you weren't in it, so? I've allowed my children to sleep in my bed past childhood, but we have boundaries and they definitely would not come into my room over their own. Am I the asshole for considering moving back to my own house?

This is fucking the craziest thing I've ever done in my life. I'm trying to think. Not crazier than IBM fucking helping the Nazis. Yeah, true. Wait. There you go. Just when was the last time you think you slept in your parents' bed? Child.

The last time I slept in my parents bed i have no memory of it that's i'm thinking i might have in high school because the computer was in the room and i might have just like laid down like when because it was like middle of the day they weren't there yeah but i don't think i ever got like tucked in dude i don't even i wouldn't do that shit either i know i know i knew kids in high school who were like they'd have a party and their parents would be out of town. And they'd be like, dude, my parents aren't home. I'm sleeping in their bed.

I'm fucking in their bed tonight because they have a big bed. And I'd be like, that's fucking weird, dude. That is weird. Like, go fuck in your own bed. That's very bizarre to fuck in your parents' bed just because it's like a little bigger than yours. Like, I don't know. You have a full bed. They have a queen or king or whatever.

Like, it is. Now, I've slept in my friend's parents full bed. They have a queen or king or whatever. Like, it is, it is, I've slept, now I've slept in my friend's parents' bed. But I wouldn't, I would never, I would never sleep in my parents' bed. I was thinking even like when we had you guys up to my parents' house this summer, there was a chance where they were going to be gone that weekend. And I was like, one of you guys are going to sleep in that bed. Because I wasn't going to. I think it's, I think it's fucking, I think you're fucking sick if you're laying in the bed your parents have sex oh god yeah when was that you did it i don't even remember when i was young

very young i can't remember yeah thank god we have a room full of normal fucking hold on i i did just remember a time i did, but it was because I also, it was probably like five years ago, and at the time I shared a bedroom with an eight-year-old because my brother had moved back and he had a real job and I was a background actor. So they just moved my little brother into my room. And during the day I'd be like, all right, everyone's gone. I would go actually sleep because it was a weird couple months. I think there's a little something different about a midday nap versus going to bed in it.

Oh, yeah. But going, dude, there is nothing worse than even – at least in your room when you're a kid, you know no one's going to fuck with you. You're like, I can go to my room and maybe at dinner they'll knock on the door. But it was like the one place you had in the house that was kind of yours even though when you when your parents got mad at you they reminded you it was theirs um but like where people would leave you peace at least in my house where it's like yeah no one really fucked with you when you're in your room yeah yeah so to to choose not to go to that room

where you can have peace and to instead go into your fucking dad it's even weirder when it's like your dad and his girlfriend yeah we don't know confused so he he doesn't sleep in there the whole night no he just goes in he just wakes up and then once they're out oh yeah that's i mean yeah it says uh i'll come over to work and find a teen in what is supposed to be my bed that is super weird i'll wake up on a weekend Fix coffee And start moving around Only to walk by the bedroom And see a teen In what is supposed to be my bed Yeah I'm like

I can't imagine a world In which this is acceptable And like the boyfriend being like Well you weren't in it Like who the fuck I just made it What do you mean Who cares who was fucking in it

I made it That means That's essentially Putting a lock on it The only thing I'll say Is I have like a weird thing where beds – like sometimes I just get in my head about – like right now I'm sleeping on my couch because I can't –

because like I just – I don't know. Ever since I was young – Well, you live alone. I've said this before. I live alone. Ever since I was young, I've just had a thing where like beds freak me out. Like beds – they don where beds freak me out. They don't gross me out.

It's not like a germaphobe thing. My point is I would imagine I probably have a little bit of something, like some weird bed fear, and maybe it's where my own bed freaks me out. I could sleep in somebody else's bed. It's fine, but my own bed grosses me out sometimes. Do you have a studio apartment? Even though I'll clean my sheets every day, whatever. Do you have a studio? I have a studio apartment. Do you have a studio apartment? Even though it's like, I'll clean my sheets like every day, like whatever. Do you have a studio apartment?

Do you have a studio? And I have a couch and a bed. And like right now, I'm just in my head about the bed. Like I just like, it freaks me out to sleep in a bed. I don't know why. I don't know what it is.

I go through periods of my life. Like the first time I really slept under the covers was college. Other than that, like I always slept with a blanket on top and like on top of my comforters. What are you saying right now? But like, you were on top of your comforters.

I've said this before. I don't recall this. Okay. Now, I'm also, to be honest, I'm not a fair judge here because I'm not the best bed guy either. Yeah. But I don't have a weird feeling about the bed. I'm just like, I'm lazy. I don't feel like getting up.

And I sleep on the couch all the time. But that's not like, I'm not scared of my bed. I'm not scared of my bed. You think there's a monster under it? No, I don't think there's a monster under it. But I just have a weird thing since i was young i just have always slept with blanket on top of comforter and then just didn't feel like making it again no i just like for some reason the idea of sleeping in the sheets it for some reason it grossed me out it wasn't

about the sheets being dirty it wasn't about like i don't know why but for some reason i just couldn't do it like every single time i would like like have like a little panic attack before like if i had to get in the sheets or something so like so i feel like i have some kind of weird bed fear i feel like i've said this before but maybe not because you guys are all looking at me like it sounds like something you might have said to a therapist okay okay i have said this to a therapist and they like had no idea what it was but they're like maybe you have like some weird like childhood trauma or whatever yeah that's that's what I would guess. Like with beds or something, but I don't.

Anyways, so then- And I'm sure that's a good trauma to have. Of all the traumas I've had, I'm sure there's something fucking weird happening in bed as a child. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not trauma. Like maybe I had a bad dream in bed or something one night. Anyways, okay, point is, point is, maybe like he has some weird affliction or bed thing where he just like is freaked out about his bed. I would guess he does.

I mean, I can tell you definitively he has a weird bed thing. Yeah. I don't know where it was born of. Yeah. But yeah, he has some fucked up shit. I mean, maybe he's, I mean, he's 17. Like even like 12 to 14,, 14 is even pushing it. I could excuse it as, like, a childhood crush.

Like, maybe he, like, wants to be next to his dad's girlfriend. He finds her cute or whatever. I mean, 17, you're turning into real creep. Yeah. Let's call it what it is. This kid's a pervert. Yeah. That's what it feels like.

Yeah. I mean, like, but also, also like if he was doing this before his his mom before this woman ever moved in he was just doing it in his dad's bed yeah bro like how often you think single dads are cleaning their sheets oh bro never fucking never yeah okay now i'm not quite a single dad, but I don't clean my sheets very often. We used to describe getting fucked up as getting single dad, divorced dad drunk. With that kind of mantra, I feel like you're not cleaning it. Yeah, dude's coming home every night, nice little buzz on from the bar.

He pulls in every night, fucking one eye open at about 8.30, 9 o'clock because he doesn't have the old ball and chain saying, I know you were off at 5.30. He just rolls up. His kid's all cozy up in his bed because he misses his dad. That's what the whole thing is. This kid's a pervert who just misses his dad because he's too much of a drunk. That took a turn.

Would I be the asshole if I took my deceased grandmother's ex-boyfriend for selling a painting he made of me? Again, to be clear, would I be the asshole if I took my deceased grandmother's ex-boyfriend? This fucking shit here with these fucking parents and grandparents having boyfriends and girlfriends is nonsense. This has to be cleaned up. There has to be a new word for it. Once you're over 50, you don't have boyfriends and girlfriends anymore. Stop being gross about it. Oh, that's what my great aunt had, a boyfriend that, like,

he got real weird with the family where, like, he was a kiss you when you showed up. Yeah. It was, I'm like, what happened to your first wife? Is she dead? No. I don't know what you'd call it, but we've got to think of something. Even 50 is maybe a little old.

If you're divorced, no, that doesn't work. Well, I'll stick with 50. I'll stick with 50. If you're over 50 years old, you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend. You have to think of some new word. Granny friends. What? Granny friends.

Granny friends? 50 is not really granny level. But 50 is the age where, like, stop. Don't be fucking gross about it. That's for fucking people in high school. Anyway. Growing up, my grandmother had a boyfriend.

Let's call him Sam. He was, and still is, an artist. He was really into photography and painting and drawing. I'm not quite sure what initiated it, since it was a long time ago, an artist. He was really into photography and painting and drawing. I'm not quite sure what initiated it, since it was a long time ago, but one day when they were visiting, he ended up making a painting of me sitting on my dad's truck as my dog sat there enjoying the sun. First of all, is this a boy or a girl? I don't know.

I'm asking if you're a painter. He doesn't say. This has got to be a girl. You think girl? I'm thinking guy. Truck and a dog? It's grandma's boyfriend? The grandma's boyfriend, yes, but I'm talking about the subject of the painting.

Yeah, no. I'm going to go with girl. You're going with girl? Everyone's thinking girl? All right, you guys can all be wrong together. You're just sexist. Why am I sexist? Truck and dog?

I'm judging by the language of this as I read. This is masculine language. I'm not sure what initiated it since it was a long time ago, but one day when they were visiting, he ended up making a painting of me sitting on my dad's truck as that dog sat there enjoying the sun. It was a pretty painting and four-year-old me, now 20-year-old female, was really excited. Sam was about 20-ish years younger than her, but that didn't matter to her. To me, she seemed happy with him, even though he would often be in a nasty attitude and would never let her be alone with anyone. He wasn't a fan of her family and would rarely allow her to visit us.

We all live in a different state than her. So I only met her roughly 10 times. Since we got to see her, my mom called. Since we never got to see her, my mom called her every Sunday. That was something she always looked forward to. My grandmother was healthy and was always helping out in her community, always a busybody. That's why it shocked us when she suddenly had a, quote, heart attack.

This seems like she's suspicious that Sam might have killed her. We believe there could have been something else that happened since she was highly allergic to hazelnut and we don't have heart issues in our family. But they never performed an autopsy since she was on the older side. She was 82, but in our

family that's young. Typically, healthy women in our family die in their late 90s. Our family was a mess after that. And after her body was taken up to our state, we held a funeral. He didn't show up. But once it got to financial matters, that's when he started talking. The house they lived in was under my uncle's name, paid for by my uncle. Sam fought us tooth and nail to get the house and for him to keep my grandmother's belongings. He didn't want people in the house at all.

We ended up getting her belongings, but I believe we are still fighting about the house. She died in 2014. Despite the issues, the family was still friends with him on Facebook, and he would post about his new girlfriend, also much older than him, in the comments of one of those posts. In the comments of one of those posts, he told my mother

that he was glad he found Elizabeth's replacement. Yikes. My mother found the kids of the new woman on Facebook and warned him to be careful about Sam since he rarely does have alone time with her and would be controlling. Needless to say, I do not like Sam. But a few weeks ago, I got curious about the painting and searched it up. I found it and noticed he was selling it as a print on different websites for a hefty price.

I immediately got uncomfortable because some new strangers out there have a painting of a child me, and it just doesn't sit right with me. I also don't like that he's profiting off of me. I knew the painting was featured in the magazine, and I knew he would have a direct copy, and he has the original, but I didn't know he was selling it to people. I told my aunt about this, and she suggested I take him to court for using my likeness without my consent, and I've sort of considered it.

So, would I be the asshole if I take him to court for using my likeness without my consent and I've sort of considered it. So would I be the asshole if I take Sam to court? I mean based on the fact that this guy seems like he killed your grandma, no. Fucking do it. That's something that we have to fucking deal with of getting those things signed. I was going to say he seems like a scumbag. You have a 0.0%

chance of winning this in court. No. Like a four year old dude? Are they just taking him to court for the just for the painting if you could prove that like that is the truck that is your dog and that it's you like if you could somehow prove it i think you actually have like kind of a decent shot really yeah i would think you have no fucking chance winning i don't know we get like new rnc emails every week that threaten we could get sued for everything. So I think, I don't know. Yeah, but it's all threats.

How many times does that happen? I'm not sure. I mean, if he could make a profit off of the girl's face name and likeness or whatever. Yeah. I mean, again, this is something we do pretty often. But we do it with celebrities. I don't know. I feel like with something old.

First of all, definitively, you're not the asshole. This guy sounds like a real cunt Yeah So you can't be an asshole To an asshole Is what I always say But What you don't agree with that?

You can't be I'm just trying to wrap my head around that You can't be an asshole To an asshole Yeah Someone's an asshole You can be an asshole To them

You just treat them The way they want to be treated Just like Jesus did The golden rule Okay Alright thank you The But yeah I mean this is a pretty I think this is a pretty cut and dry one I can't really speak to like Jesus did, the golden rule. Okay. All right, thank you. But yeah, I think this is a pretty cut and dry one.

I can't really speak to what your legal shots are, but you're definitely not the asshole for suing a fucking motherfucker who maybe killed your grandmother, was a dickhead to her, didn't let her see your family, sued you for the house, and didn't want anyone to even have any of the belongings in the house that belonged to your grandmother. I would say you are not an asshole that's a pretty quick pretty quick yeah this is kind of off topic but kind of on topic so like if so like i remember learning like there was like a lawyer named justin bieber for example or something so if lawyer justin bieber wanted to

make a podcast named like justin bieber's podcast or something like that is that infringing on yes is it but that's also his name but it's also his name it doesn't matter it's like it's like that i i i only the only reason i know this is like when i was younger i remember someone was trying to open a store called madonna's in like time square oh and their name was Madonna. But they couldn't use it. But like, it's fucking Madonna. Like, it's not your name. That's so annoying. It is annoying,

and it does suck, but like, I mean, to be fucking totally honest, we don't have to talk about stars that big. If someone was like, opening like,

Feidelberg's fuck shack, I'd be like, uh, no. You would say no to that? I mean, not to that. I was going to say

I'm a bad example I'd be like, whatever But the Yeah, I think if you are a public figure You have rights to You can't start suing people for naming like this We have a lot of people to go through Durex, number one

I think when you're a public figure, I think you have I don't know if I want to say a legal right to your name, but you have a little more standing to go. If someone wanted to open Dave Porter and wanted to open Dave Porter's pizza, that wouldn't

happen. It just seems so sad. It is sad that your name no longer belongs to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your name only belongs to you as long as... I agree. All the Jackie Nichols is out there. You can do whatever you want.

Oh, I hope Jackie Nichols kills somebody. Well, don't do that. So we just go right into voicemails now. All right. What's going on, KFC Fights? Nick, Jackie, Pabs, the whole squad. I got a story to share with you guys about something that happened earlier this week. So I have a 4-year-old son.

I picked him up from school and pulled back into our apartment, pulled into my parking spot, and a mail truck pulled up right behind me. And I knew I had shit I needed to get out of the trunk, so I my son out of his car seat and then I run around the back of the car and I load it up and as I'm doing this I noticed that the mailman getting out of the car is like probably mid to late 50s early 60s but he's not dressed like a mailman at all like he's got like a crewneck sweater on and a pair of jeans just it was it's just a weird like look for a mailman um but all that aside i'm just kind of doing my thing and my son's standing next to me and then all of a sudden i hear my son go hi and i turn around and i look and my son has his arms wrapped around the mailman's waist and the look on this guy's face was like if you just slipped an alcoholic a shot for the first

time like you tricked him into it he looked at my kid like oh my god it's happening again i'm going to jail i'm going to jail it's been 20 years and i'm going back to jail and i had to just fucking laugh in this guy's face because it was so absurd. It's like telling on yourself. The look on his face, you're just like, oh my god. So

obviously you have the talk with your kid about like, okay man look, you can't just go running around hugging random strangers. But at the same time, all I could do was fucking laugh. I audibly laughed at this guy because he was so shocked. So I guess my question is, have you ever been put in a situation like that where something so absurd happens that you just fucking laugh in somebody's face?

I don't know about that, but I don't think the male guy did everything right. Because if the parent is turned around, a child hugs you, and then that parent turns back, if you're doing anything but looking scared, you're getting swung on. It is. I haven't had that so often with children. I've had them with dogs a lot. Dogs like my penis. It's not the same thing it's the same thing like dogs are always like fucking nuzzling up and i always like have to do like oh okay okay

um so uh i get what they're i get i get exactly what this mailman's coming through um i've had i've had fucking labs put their noses on my junk. I mean, I can't think of a situation where something that extreme. I mean, yeah, I exclusively laugh at absurd things. This is called a defense mechanism. It is. Fuck, who was it? Oh, Barenaked Ladies.

I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral. So yeah, that's one. I laughed at a funeral a lot. But I don't think that's that crazy. I think that's pretty normal. Did you see the TikTok going around of that guy describing why he did that? I'm going to tell everyone something real quick.

Oh yeah, you didn't see TikTok. If your question starts with, did you the tiktok my answer is no okay the second i said it i was like you said it five times this episode i have not gotta get you addicted to the tiktok how do you just get on tiktok i'm on tiktok i just don't use it i have a tiktok 5 000 followers almost i'm gonna keep saying did you see this tiktok until you start watching tiktoks fine well we'll just start sending them to you but uh no that guy described the story of it and it was like his brother's funeral and the priest quoted uh who was it i uh leonard skinner and that's like he just started like laughing he's like what the

fuck is like normally it's like a bible verse and I forget what Skynyrd's song he quoted. But I was like, that's... Simple man. I was fucking perfect when I was Skynyrd. By the way, you know Lynyrd Skynyrd is a real person? Speaking of that kind of your question, Lynyrd Skynyrd's a real man. He's a lawyer in their hometown. Really?

Yep. My dad told me that when I was a kid. I was a kid. I was going to say, did they just change how to spell it so they could be – just to shove it to him and be like, yeah. I think it was Leonard Skinner, maybe something like that. Let's see. Leonard Skinner. He was a high school gym teacher, real and bar owner okay i thought he was a uh

i thought he was a lawyer for some reason but yeah leonard skinner is a real person that's how that's where leonard skinner came from um what was the question here oh anything absurd ever happened yeah yeah i don't i don't really i don't hang out with kids i feel like this happens with kids maybe he just doesn't like kids It's kind of like a jump to Oh if I would Dude if I was Some random kid hugged me

I'd be like hands up You can't touch kids anymore Well like you can never touch kids You know what I mean Like that came out wrong But you just What happened You just

No Just relate back to the childhood trauma On the bed No no no You just can't Like in this You just can't Yeah What happened? Just relate back to the childhood trauma in the bed. You just can't, like, in this, you just can't. Yeah, America's going to hell in a handbasket. You can't even touch kids anymore. I think it's a good thing that you can't touch kids anymore.

I'm just saying, you can't do it. I'm just saying, it's against the law. You can't touch kids anymore. The same way that you're against Nazism, I'm against kids equally equally maybe even more you're more against touching kids and nazis no no no if you had to rank the two which one would you more against you no i'm i'm super against both but which one's more no it's like a favorite kid like i love both i know i'm not gonna be like you hate one more what are you not going to break that. Nazis or touching kids? I'm not going to answer that. Okay, alright.

I feel like Nazism does kind of, I do hate that because that is fucking with kids. Not a bad choice of words, but like this. Okay, fine. What if I change it

because Nazism really evokes memories of like Holocaust and more violent stuff like that. What if I just change it to white supremacy? Like, are you...

I don't like that either but is touching kids worse than white supremacy that's a great question I really don't want to rank that but if I had to yeah like gun to your head no this feels like a trap

I'm not gonna is that a trap I feel like I think it's gotta be kids kids are yeah kids are worse but i do feel like um because if you're just a quiet white supremacist you just mind your fucking business and just say all the words in your head you're not hurting anybody you're right but if you're touching kids you're touching you're hurting kids it's a physical action yeah you're doing okay so touching. We're ranking number one.

White supremacy is number two. And if you throw Nazism in there, I'm going to put that one. Nazism is one. Because that's a whole thing. Well, should we just go top five right now? What? We'll stop there. Yeah, I don't know.

Nick's face right now where he looks like the postman. What the fuck are we going to do? Alright, next voicemail. Hey, what up, crew? Okay, I just finished work for the day. So I've got a am I the asshole for you um oh um am i the asshole so you guys are just talking about vanity plates am i the

asshole for having this vanity plate on a prius i know i'm the asshole i'm absolutely the asshole but just figure i'd throw this in there anyways. Wait, what did that say? What did it say? McLovin. McLovin. I think that if you have a vanity plate,

I think it's best to like, I would do something that makes that people behind you think. Like, sometimes I'll see a plate and I'll be like, what does that mean? If you did something like lots of owls or something.

If it was like, I don't know. It's just the first seven letters. Lots of, I guess that's eight. Lots of owls. Just bear with me. I don't know. So far I'm in. Then the person behind you would be like, what the fuck does that mean? Does this person have a lot of owls Just bear with me I don't know No no no So far I'm in So far I'm in Then the person behind you

Would be like What the fuck does that mean Like does this person Have a lot of owls Or like They would just like Be like something That doesn't quite make sense

And then you just know That you're fucking With everybody behind you I think that's the best way To go with the vanity plates I completely agree Thank you How did you think

You would come up With lots of owls I was thinking about Owls earlier today And then then I was just thinking of three-letter words. Do you know someone thought I was an owl in the box we were talking about earlier? No. Yeah. Well, he's an owl, which, again, the nose thing, they really hurt for the beak. Yeah, Jesus.

They have small beaks, though. That's true. Yeah. That's true. If it was a toucan, different story. It's not. So you should be flattered. Yeah, That's true. If it was a toucan, different story. It's not. So you should be flattered. Yeah, sure.

I'm flattered. It's like I got a nose job. Speaking of, are we going to get it? Oh, fuck. It's not trippy right now. It's not. So for those who don't know, it is October 26th. It is the first day Jackie is allowed to blow her nose

since the surgery um i've not blown it today i'm pretty scared of what's gonna come out eddie has bought me this gold eddie eddie farrar barstool eddie oh i actually don't know his last name what is i think i know you know you nailed it he got because he uses barstool Eddie. Oh. I actually don't know his last name. What is his last name? I think I know. No, you nailed it. You nailed it. He got it because he used his barstool surviving money. Oh, okay. Is that a nice handkerchief? What? Is it a nice handkerchief? No, no.

It's like Amazon. Whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have matching ties. So I told him that I would blow my nose. Okay, so it's a pocket square is what that is. Yeah. So it's a pocket square.

Yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah, I guess so. He had it sent to me and like when it got here i was so confused because it looked like it was just a tie i was like did eddie just get you a tie to i had to like text him be like let's let's give it a try right if nothing comes nothing comes whatever okay but you gotta we gotta give you guys okay can everybody look away? Yeah, sure. We have a million cameras on you, but we'll all look away. Okay. Three.

No, I'm scared. Three. Two. No. One. Negative one. This is, I can't do it. You have to do it, dude.

Okay, okay, okay. Blow, blow, blow, blow. Okay, everybody look away. Okay. Pass, Nick, Colleen. But, no, okay. Blow, blow, blow, blow. Okay, everybody look away. Okay. Paps, Nick, Colleen. But no, you're doing that thing. Your hands are there.

Okay. Oh my God. It didn't sound like much. No, but it was. I mean, it wasn't, but like I could do more, but like that's all I'm doing for now. It hurt. I could feel the cuts. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Whenever I for now it hurt i could feel the cuts oh oh yeah okay whenever i

have spicy foods oh my god did you so painful did you see ben polizzi's uh video yesterday no can you go to his twitter real quick i didn't do that i didn't know that there was going to be pain involved in that. I thought, like, it would be gross. When you said I felt all the cuts, I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what, like, stitches and shit in there? Mm-hmm.

Well, I could just feel, like, right there. It's like... Hey, guys. I feel amazing. Oh, yeah. I'm beautiful. I'm finally pretty now. Thanks for all the support and messages.

I feel amazing. Thanks. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.

Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.

Okay, as for the, I forget how we even got to nose blow. Yeah. Not a bad license plate. Nose blow. Nose blow. Yeah. N-O-Z-B-L-O. That sounds like cocaine. It definitely sounds like plate. Nose blow. Nose blow. Yeah. N-O-Z-B-L-O? That sounds like cocaine.

It definitely sounds like cocaine. Yeah, definitely. That guy's got a lot of inositol in the car. Like, that would just get you pulled over pretty easily. Oh, you think so? They'd be racially profiling? Like, if you start my speeding and then their thing says no blow, nose blow. Nose blow.

No, I like it even more now. Because I'd be like, no, I'm not, motherfucker. I just think it's funny blowing your nose. I have a childhood trauma from my grandmother pinning me down to blow my nose when I was a kid. And I don't do it anymore. Then they'd be like, okay, let's test you. And you'd be like, fuck.

No, I'd be like, don't fucking come near me. I blow my nose once a year, maybe. Wait, are you serious about the childhood trauma? Yeah. I thought you were just throwing some shit out. No, no, no. I'm dead serious. We've talked about this on the show before. Wait, are you serious about the childhood trauma? Yeah. I thought you were just throwing some shit out. No, no, no. I'm dead serious. We've talked about this on the show before.

Wait, what? It wasn't like a fucking actually violent act or anything like that. But my grandmother was like, you have to blow your nose. And I was like, no. She's like, you have to blow your nose. And I was like, no. And then she held me down and was like, blow. And I was like, no.

I know. Is it a family retreat? No, not a family retreat. Family reunion in North Carolina. I was like, get it out of here. And then she made me blow my nose, and I fucking hated it. And the tissues tickled me, and snot went all over the place. I was like, fuck this.

I'm never doing this again. And now I never, ever, ever blow my nose. Polly's mom? No, my dad's mom. Oh, wow. What about shower nose blows? Oh, that's a different story. That's a different story.

That's a snot rocket. I'll do a snot rocket. Yeah. Ew. I'll do snot rockets. I'll do nose blowsnot rocket. Yeah. I'll do snot rockets. I'll do nose blows. Different thing. So you're just scared of handkerchiefs.

Yeah. I don't like the way it flutters on your face. This is one of those things I'm saying. I cannot put myself in your shoes because you say things that are so unrelatable. I'm 100% in on that. I never blow my nose. You don't like the way a handkerchief flutters on your face? Yes.

Yeah. There's little butterfly kisses on my lips. never put my nose. You don't like the way a handkerchief flutters on your face? Yeah. There's little butterfly kisses on my lips. Get out of here. I don't like that. Okay. Next voicemail? Next voicemail. Last voicemail, right?

Last voicemail. KFC, Fights, rest of the crew, what up? Fights, tried to take your advice earlier in my therapy session. I was going to bring up anti-hero of course um but she beat me to it uh i get there she's just like before we get started i know that taylor's just dropped so i know that's some way you're going to like to one of the songs so let's talk about it i don't know i don't know about that you're just coming at me off the bat but uh so it was a session anybody that would have you like that you know roaming targets for four or five

hours staying up till midnight 3 a.m that kind of crazy shit um like if tupac you know was actually alive would that do it for you let me know even wait so what was the question to kevin oh what artist like he would stay up and like he would go oh oh oh so we can't get kevin's answer on that um jackie who's yours i guess well first of all sorry um when folklore came out my therapist did like the same kind of thing that's's awesome. When Evermore came out. She was just like, so you want to get into it? I was like, what? She's like, you're going to have a lot of this Taylor you relate to, right?

And I was like, let me tell you about, was it Dear Theodosia? Were you just singing Dear Theodosia? It was kind of Dear Theodosia but it was also not it was uh there's a song where the rumor is that the album was uh the song is about it's a it's from her to young her it is uh dorothea dorothea yeah and dorothea they all want to be it but are you and it's like basically like are you the same person you were when you were younger? Like, it's like, congratulations. Like, you're on TV now and you're in magazines and everyone likes you and you're famous and,

like, things are good. But, like, are you even remotely happy anymore? Oh. I was like, the chorus is like, you don't have that glimmer in your eye anymore. And I was like, yeah, Tiffany, I got one. Let's start. I remember when Mirrorball came out and you were like, this song is actually about this. And I was like, holy fuck.

I didn't catch that at all. And then she said verbatim in the folklore long pond sessions, like what you said. Really? It was, dude, like I got to go put those clips side by side cause like you got it I'd like you to do that please yeah um the uh but yeah it was the exact same thing like what song is you and I was like

never grow up by Taylor makes me cry every single time really yeah that was like about like it's like the line it's like your mom like don't make your mom drop you off like a block ahead like she's getting older too and it's so sad there are talking talking sad taylor will get me to tear up quicker than anything you can tell right now i'm tearing up oh my god can you tell yeah i can yeah no i'm talking

talking sad taylor songs and songs you relate to with taylor yeah i'll cry every fucking time thank you very much um except anti-hero really though because anti-hero i absolutely do relate to very much you get the shirt um it i i relate to it in in the it's me high on the problem it's me aspect but also like just the overarching theme of the song is like how do you guys still like me like like like why aren't you fucking sick of rooting for this like and like yeah i think i put myself in those shoes just like aren't you fucking sick of rooting for like the man child who can't get his fucking life together i am so i want i want to see you have a conversation with taylor swift so bad because if you start hitting this shit that like i don't think other people are

looking at it that way and like she's like no yes, her. No, there's one where it's like, it must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero. So I'm not an anti-hero. Oh, yeah, yeah. But it must be exhausting rooting for me to get it together. I have so many people in my life who are rooting for it. And you guys all must be so fucking sick of it. I do feel that with friends who try and make me be more on time, like make me make my doctor's appointments and all that.

It's not going to happen. I'm not going to get better at that. It's just... Yeah, give up. Just accept me. But yeah, Antihero would be one. There are a lot of songs on the album, on this one, that I related to.

But Antihero is probably top of the list. But what is your artist? Who would you stand for? When I was younger. Have you listened to full Midnight's Hit? No, you haven't. Half. How are you at half, bro?

It's like a 45-minute album. Yeah, but I haven't sat down for the rest of it. I'm a busy girl. You have headphones in 24-7. Yes, because I'm a busy girl. You have headphones in 24-7. Yes, because I'm editing you. 24-7. You talked about Nazis for 30 minutes today. I had a lot to edit.

Yeah, Jesus Christ. But no, One Direction when I was younger. I was a huge One Direction fan. Directioner, as we call it. Dude, I vividly remember where I was when I first heard That's What Makes You Beautiful. Dude, I was in the fucking backseat behind the driver of the Chevy Silverado on the Barstool Blackout Tour. And I was like, turn that radio down. I was on my laptop because we had one of those hot spots in the car that must have cost so much money. And I was on my laptop. And I one of those hot spots in the car that must have cost so much money.

And I was on my laptop, and I think I blogged it right away. I was like, this is the hottest fucking song I've ever heard in my life. Barstool back in the day used to be like, this is what we're doing right now. This is what we're listening to. This is what we're wearing. All that kind of shit. It was a very different website way back when. I don't know better or worse, but very, very different.

And it was just like, I probably played that song 15 times a day yeah that is a song that it's like yeah you're gonna keep going it's also kind of like i remember not liking the song for a while because i was like it's like basically just telling you like to be insecure and like it's cute when you're insecure but it's like that's not what guy like it's just not a very good message when you think about it that's not a good message yeah it's cute being insecure it's like i think i think i think like anything a healthy balance is cute i think like i i think like i know like what's your name danny does, those prank videos where it's, like, you want to eat my box? Yeah.

And I'd be like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. What? That one was so aggressive. You're too confident. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Props to her. She commented on our Josh Wolf clip that was, like, being embarrassed is just a mindset.

It's like, she's like, exactly. Yeah. That's actually very impressive. Hey, you want to finger my asshole? I don't think so. What's the, I mean, like, if you're too confident, it feels like a trap. Like, what are you doing here?

What's going on? You 12? Yeah, John, March 23rd, 2012, your first One Direction tweet. If anyone has the cure for One Direction infection, which I think you coined. I had a virus. I'm going to need that ASAP. Yeah, speaking of, there was also a Danny DeVito One Direction crossover at some point.

Like that you posted a photo. Wait, 2012? I bet that's when fucking. That was 2014. You have tweets every year about One Direction. Yeah. One Direction's fucking fire. Yeah.

All right, Paz, who do you say that for? Frank Ocean. Frank Ocean? Oh, yeah, yeah. I would do the same. Really? Yeah. Dang.

That's a good one. Nick? I don't know who anymore. Like, back in the day, I would have stayed up. I think I stayed up when Blink dropped, but also when I stayed up for that album. That album sucked. Oh, I'll probably stay up for Blink this time around. Yeah, this time around I will, but if it's anything like Neighborhoods, keep your expectations

low because that album was awful. But Neighborhoods wasn't with Tom, was it? I think that was the one when he came back that they did. Yeah, I thought so. Because I know they got back together and did a tour and i went to that original one maybe it was like the purple album cover black it was like um that's all right it doesn't really matter yeah uh but uh i don't know if i'd stay around like literally i think lately it's been taylor like those are the only ones i've stayed up for

because it's it's a thing on social media and it's fun to like tweet along everyone's on the same song at the same time um it's very fun it actually was funny when I woke up I mean I slept for one hour Thursday night or one and a half hours yeah when you tweeted like you smoked a pack of cigs to stay awake I'm like I know that fucking game that is that's you start getting just fucking does it keep you awake or it's just like yeah something to do i mean if i fell i guess i could fall asleep but i was outside the fresh air i mean like if i was if i was in bed yeah i probably fall asleep and lit the house on fire but that didn't happen um i actually did stay up for the noah cajon album for the noah cajon

album did you really i mean i've been on stick season for like i didn't wait why why did you gotta verbalize that i played it for you in in Vermont a couple times waiting for you to be like, this is a bop, and you just did no reaction. How many times did I play it in Vermont? No, he did. I remember because we were doing it, and he was doing his little surfboard dance. He was like, ooh, like this. I did.

Okay. But I don't think he realized how good of a song. You were playing Stick Season? Stick Season, the song, yeah. And then the album came out what? the album came out a week before Taylor. A week before Taylor? Okay. And I was the first one to find it.

Yeah? Mm-hmm. She was there when it was on release. I was going to say, I heard that from you guys in the car traveling to different shows and stuff, and now it's going to be like my number one Spotify rap. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the Noah Khan album is really, really, really fucking good.

Moving Sideways or Growing Sideways? Growing Sideways. Growing Sideways is my number one, but the whole thing is fucking sick. Colleen. I would say Younger Jonas Brothers. I would have done anything for them when I was young, and I did meet them and it was one of the best moments of my life the

Sorry to you you as you were getting up you kind of interrupted yourself and you just stopped it young And I was like Who the fuck is she going to get to the microphone and say, right? You're not. Let me beg you. Jonas' thug. Yo, younger Jonas Brothers. Okay, that makes more sense. That one checks out. The only people I really stay up for is Taylor Swift. Taylor. She's the only one I would say. It is.

With her, it's like a cultural movement. It is a big thing when Taylor Swift drops an album. And like you said, everyone's staying up. Everyone's tweeting about it. But speaking of the Jonas Brothers, a young Barstool Nate was hanging out with them the other day. Young. What? Nate saw – I guess they just moved to Murray Hill, Joe and Sophie Turner.

And they're like – I brought this up with Fran, and Fran was like, oh, yeah, it's a thing on TikTok that Joe Jonas is just like the new king of Murray Hill, Joe and Sophie Turner. And they're like, I brought this up with Fran. And Fran was like, oh, yeah, it's a thing on TikTok that like Joe Jonas is just like the new king of Murray Hill. And so Nate also lives in Murray Hill and was at a bar and just they were there with their baby. And like he just went over. He actually, what he uses an opening line was like, I work with Fran and Rhea. And Joe was like, oh, they're awesome. I love those girls. That's awesome. I mean, it wasn't an extended conversation, but it was a quick little.

I was walking the West Side Highway one morning on a Friday after Thursday, I think, I went out. And so pretty hungover walking. And Joe Jonas ran past me. And I was just not in the mental state, like, where you're, like, kind of foggy. And all of a sudden,e jonas just ran past me just like sunglasses on like so casually were you running or were you just i was just walking and i was like i was like i swear to god that was joe jonas so he's everywhere we've already met them yes when i was younger so i told my siblings and one of my sisters

texted back she she goes do you recognize you jojo this tv show was underrated like that what was that it was just a tv show with the jones brothers it was good okay all right there you go that's the episode now now time to talk to our boy hassan minhaj um hassan i say our boy because i actually love i, I like Husson a lot. We've interviewed him before. I actually told him after the interview, I didn't want to bring up during it. Husson is the first person I've ever interviewed solo. It was years and years and years ago. I'd probably call it five, six years

ago. I think Brandon Clancy was our producer, and I think, if I remember correctly, he had just forgotten to tell us we have an interview. So he called us at like 9.30 in the morning. And I was hungover as fuck. And shocker. And he's like, Kevin couldn't make it in from Mount Vernon or wherever Kevin lived at the time.

He's like, Kevin can't make it in. We have an interview with Hasan Minhaj who is promoting. He might have been promoting Homecoming or might have been promoting Patriot Act. I forget. And he's like, you get to Sirius so I fucking shower real quick throw on clothes I lived over on the east side I lived in Murray Hill at the time

take a cab up 3rd Avenue go into Sirius which is on like I forget where it is now but mid 50s and traffic was crazy so I had to get out on 3rd sprint across by the time i got to the interview i was like like very breathing heavily and i had to be like can i

just can i just have a minute to get together and i i told huston i was like yo that was my first ever solo interview and you were very cool because i'm sure it fucking sucked so i appreciate that and he in a testament to how cool he is he was like he's like nah dude i remember that you were in like the camel coat and glasses. I remember you. That was fun. And I was like, the fact that you remember that. That's wild.

There's no reason for him to remember that. Probably because he probably couldn't remember because it was so fucking bad. And he just played it cool. This guy is breathing real heavy. But Hudson is the man. If you haven't checked out The King's jester on um on netflix it's really really cool we talk about it uh extensively in the interview but like it's not just a stand-up comedy act like it is it's a kind of a multimedia one-man show which probably turns some people off

but i i promise you it's not it's worth checking out if someone described it to me this way i'd probably be like i don't know but it is it's really fucking good i recommend it to my parents i recommend to everybody it's very very good specials very very funny like. But it's really fucking good. I recommend it to my parents. I recommend it to everybody. It's a very, very good special. It's very, very funny. Like we say, it's like five stories that are fucking crazy. One of them is how he was in a United Arab Emirates embassy the day Kalagashi got killed fucking with them. And when he got home, he heard all about it. It's fucking nuts, dude.

He got home. He had told his wife he wasn't going to go to that meeting. It's fucking nuts, dude. He got home. He had told his wife he wasn't going to go to that meeting. His wife was like, do not fuck with them. They're not people to be fucked with. And then when he got home, his wife was like, thank God you didn't go. And he's like, I got to tell you something. But it's awesome. It's a bunch of great stories.

It's really funny. Check it out. And also, I think Kevin and him are just best friends now. At one point in this interview, I was like, these guys just fucking vibing. I'm just going to step back. Yeah, this was one of those interviews where I was getting blown up by our booking team because they're like, they got to rap. I'm like, they're just – I can't stop them.

And then they finished and him and Husson started talking like basketball and fucking Mount Vernon and shit like that or City Island. It is kevin and hussin minaj might be like just true friends now yeah um but it's an awesome interview with hussins the absolute man um listen up oh oh and brought to you by uh the barcelona sports store in the store right now you can find this hat weird but fucking beautiful this hat i feel like every girl should wear this hat every girl should get his hat so i think every girl's like i'm so weird but like you're fucking not you're totally normal uh and i don't mean that in an insulting way like you're just fucking normal like you're not like you're not weird at all but i think girls like i'm so weird like this is nuts look at me i'm eating like avocado toast for dinner. He's got me.

I'm just doing that. We have a bunch of Taylor merch. It's me high on the problem. It's me. Tons of other stuff. This ad is in for the Barstool store. Anyway, check all that stuff out. Also, the inaugural Barstool Sports Invitational is coming to Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia

on Friday, November 11th. Tickets are now on sale to the public, and stoolies and hoops fans from around the country will be there to watch Barstool Sports pull off a college basketball event like none other. In Game 1, UAB will take on Toledo at 5 p.m. Eastern, followed by Mississippi State vs. Akron at 7, with a lot of surprises in between. I can't tell you what they are because I do not know what they are. Join Dave, Big Cat, and the rest of the Barstool Sports on November 11th in Philly.

Secure your seats now at barstool.link slash invitational. That's barstool.link slash invitational. That is barstool.link slash invitational. Hasan Minhaj, he's the man. Listen to him. As always, got to say, the hair is juststool.link Start slash invitational Hasan Minhaj He's the man Listen to him As always Gotta say

The hair is just The hair is Is something Are we recording? Let's just dive right in We're rolling We're rolling Hasan's hair looks

Your hair looks Like Your hair looks fake bro It looks like It looks like a It looks like a toupee No no I mean in a good way

Like it's like If you were to draw If you were to draw A cartoon And it was like He's like a toupee yeah no no i mean in a good way like it's like if you were to draw if you were to draw a cartoon and it was like he's gonna be the the jock like the popular yeah yeah it is it's a hairline dude it is it's something i'm so by the way i'm so lucky like for guys my age i'm 37 so like guys my age is like yo what are you on you are you are you all all natural all natural i took a picture i was probably 29 yeah my my grandfather looked just like me and he died with like a full head of hair so my whole life my parents everybody in my family was always like you're gonna have hair till the day you die and i just i just and i also was new to the internet

it was when i first started barstool so i wasn't constantly critiqued by the world for every fucking, you know, so I never thought about anything to do with hair loss. Right. And then I took one picture. I was like 29, put it on, on Barstool and everyone was like, yo, that hairline is like running away, blaming me. And I, and it was like all of a sudden, uh, like the matrix, I was like, I saw myself and I was like, oh my God, it is.

Yeah. And I was on Propecia and the gummies and the creams and the lotions. It's working though, right? I didn't know you got on Propecia. Yeah.

Oh, shit. Wait, you didn't know even now I was on it? I've been on it for- You're on Propecia now? Forever, dude. Get out of town. Dude, are we starting

with diagnoses right now? They were like, you know- Are we violating HIPAA? Is that how we're starting right now? They're like, you know, there we violating HIPAA? Is that how we're starting right now? They're like, you know, there's some side effects. I don't give a shit about my dick.

I want hair, bro. Don't you have a lot of friends now we're at that age where a lot of our friends are like doctors or pharmacists where like, yo, I went to high school with you.

Yeah, you guys are fucking dumb, dude. I don't have doctors. I have lawyers and financial advisors. I got a lot of lawyers. Oh, I got a ton of financial advisors. And I'm like,

I know, dude, I have been drunk with you. You are not a bad person, but you're a bad person to get financial advice from. Bro, you're in remedial math. Are you telling me? I have one

in particular. Everyone's going to know what I'm talking about. It was like, I don't even think you took math. I don't think you were. I never thought of you as a math guy. like now you're sending me emails like asking my financial advisor i got uh two friends in the fbi which is weird like oh shit can they be trusted uh one yes no actually they both oh no yeah they're they're actually the two most as i think about it they're the two most like if you had to pick two guys from my crew would end up in the fbi somehow it's them but at the same time we both say or is that cia you're probably you're

yeah no these guys are like out and about like they but but they're like female body inspector but they got you know they got guns and shit i think one of them has done like raids before like i was like we used to be you know like in the hamptons getting shit faced or at the jersey shore being morons like and it was like a career change for both of them i was like, we used to be in the Hamptons getting shit-faced or at the Jersey Shore being morons. And it was like a career change for both of them. I was like, you guys are crazy. They've changed? Legit?

Yeah. One was an accountant. You were an accountant of the FBI? Yeah. It was funny because – Jack Ryan? Well, we kind of did it at the same time. I was an accountant before I did all this, and he was an accountant.

So he went and did FBI, and I went and did smut. Did anybody from your high school end up playing in like the league did anybody from that you went to high school or college with play gopro i went to a really really small high school no no we had one dude darren sorocco got drafted uh to the twins i think in like the 30th round yeah uh and i mean he was the man he was hitting tank job i hitting bank job he was like a stud in baseball I think he played in the minors a little bit I don't know where he ended up but he was like I mean I still know his name to this day

I can tell you the first and last name of all the guys who were fucking nasty and I went to a shitty high school too a buddy of mine went to Dominguez so he played with Tyson Chandler he was a writer at the Daily Show, Trayvon Free really funny guy but I was like how much better was Tyson Chandler than everybody he's like it's it's not even funny I played against I played against one kid so I played hockey and I played

against one kid who ended up playing for the Capitals and it was it was fucking insane really really dude he I swear to god I had another kid Shea Guthrie, up at George's, who he was fucking sick to. I don't think he ever made the leave. He was probably in the EJ or something like that. Yeah. And at one point, he just dangled me, just embarrassed me. Yeah. And then just turned around to do it again.

He could have gone and just scored. Oh, he didn't even shoot it? Yeah. Oh, wow. He just turned around and was like, I'm just going to fucking do that again. He could have gone and just scored. Oh, he didn't even shoot it? Oh, wow. He just turned around and was like, I'm just going to fucking do that again.

That's mean, dude. Oh, he did like House of Highlights hockey edition. Yeah, yeah. That happened to me in basketball. I played against

Mount Vernon is where Ben Gordon went to high school, right? And so we played in a summer league. It was like, there's like Mount Vernon and New Rochelle,

a couple teams from the Bronx and then we were in this little fucking suburb in the middle. Yeah. Awful team full of tiny white boys. Yeah. And we played Mount Vernon and New Rochelle, a couple teams from the Bronx, and then we were in this little fucking suburb in the middle. Yeah. Awful team full of tiny white boys. Yeah. And we played Mount Vernon.

I think legitimately, I think the score was like 87-9. We couldn't get the ball across half court. And Ben, at this point, was going on to UConn. So he wasn't even really playing, but he would check in for literally the first play of the game. Yeah. And then be like, I'm out of here, you know? Uh-huh. That's wild. I wouldn't want to do that. Because Ben Gordon, who was point guard for the bulls and all that stuff yeah yeah but it was like he you know he was he was going to

yukon he was like he wasn't he wasn't hurt himself and did you guys all know did you guys all know we all knew yeah yeah and i remember there was this kid demarcus nelson he went to duke and he he uh he declared as a sophomore and he dropped 64 on davis it was just crazy it was just crazy to watch yeah i was like what is happening like with the picture you show in the special yeah like that's who's playing yeah yeah you got just a buck 35 yeah i'm trying to flex there's just no separation from shoulder and arm it's just a stick Straight down I also lived outside of Philly For a little bit And my brother I'm trying to think of the years

But they played against Kobe In Lower Merion Wow And so a kid I think my brother Was like a freshman Yeah And one of his friends

Was a freshman Who was playing varsity So he was like pretty good Yeah But guarded Kobe as like And they He was good enough That he was playing varsity

And they Told him like Here guard Kobe tonight So he's like fucking you're a freshman in high school how old are you like sick 15 yeah 15 15 years old and you gotta go play kobe like yeah and uh i mean he obviously does he recall it yeah oh yeah i'm sure i mean to this i don't ever talk to him but yeah we tell the story that like yeah we know we didn't play him we didn't know but i've ever talked to him. We tell the story that like – we didn't play him. We didn't know. But I was like – I act like – Have you guys had the comedian Rick Glassman on this podcast? No. Rick Glassman grew up in Ohio and he famously talks about how he's like –

He plays ball a lot, right? Yeah, yeah. He plays ball all the time. So you've probably seen his videos. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Because there's that video recently where he's taking it really fucking seriously, right? He's like yelling at –

I'm saying this on the record. He does take it too seriously. We've been multiple times like, Rick, stop. Yeah. It's too much. Yeah. And then he came out and he was like, hey, like, I take it a little bit too seriously and I apologize.

But he did play against LeBron in high school. Wow. And he has photographic evidence. Yeah. Of like him. LeBron's at the free throw line. Because it's funny. Like, you know, those games are, obviously you get dominated, but like you'll, you catch

him one time, you like pick his pocket like, you'll, you catch him one time and you like, pick his pocket or whatever happens and you score on him and it's like, that happened. That fucking happened.

Yeah. Even if he just dusts you. Yeah, right. I get to tell him, like, I played Kobe. Right. It doesn't matter what happened.

Yeah, that was a, that was a moment of pride I had where I was in the celebrity basketball tournament. I did the NBA celebrity. I wouldn't, I wouldn't go that far,

but I, but I, but I do launch. When I play, if it's weekend warrior basketball, I'm like, it's anybody's game.

Like, I'm letting it fly. And I remember the first time I played, like Master P had his son on and he was trying to control the bench

and I'm like, hey bro, I'm not playing for a record deal. I'm here playing for pride. I'm going in. Romeo can sit too.

Lil Romeo can wait just like me. It's anybody's game at that point, you know? But like, him, Quavo, they took a really, Quavo can bomb

from like half court, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's the other thing too is if I'm in one of those games, like, I ain't passing, man. If I touch the ball, it's fucking, it's going on. Don't pass and don't play D. Yeah. I'm not hustling, I'm not diving of those games, I ain't passing, man. If I touch the ball, it's fucking going up.

Don't pass and don't play D. Yeah. Because I'm not hustling. I'm not diving on the floor for loose balls. I'm not taking charges, bro. We're chucking from half court. I'm saving my energy for a run. You think I'm going to work on my defense, back check?

Not happening. Well, my dumb ass was like, I'm not getting the ball passed to me, so I'm going to play defense. And then I got crossed up by Caleb, the 10-year-old kid from Stranger Things. No way. And so everybody was like, oh, because I'm biting. I'm trying to get a pick. I'm playing the passing way.

You open yourself to being clowned, right? If you don't play the events, you can't get crossed up. Then I chased him down, and then I grabbed the ball from him because he's small. He was like 5'6", right? This is season one. He's an adult now. So he was maybe – and people are like – they started booing me.

They're like, you're going to steal the ball from a 10-year-old? I'm like, technically he's an adult now right you know so he's maybe people and people like you they started booing me they're like they're like you're gonna steal the ball from a 10 year old i'm like technically he's 13 like hey he's he's he's in middle school and sometimes that's high school you know so this is all fair game so they're like you're damned if you do you're damned if you don't right right right i get crossed now i I got crossed up by middle school. I don't take the ball back. If I take the ball back now, I'm a bully. So I was like, man, fuck you guys. Dude, that's a great story, man. Bro, that is a great story, and we were just talking about the special.

The special has, what, I'd say five of the best stories I've ever fucking heard. Bro, thank you. That all, you segue into them so well. But like, you know, if you're, if I, put it this way, if someone was doing a special

where they're telling personal anecdotes and like getting crossed up by Caleb from Stranger Things doesn't make the cut. You've got some fucking stories, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was watching,

I watch it as, I mean, I obviously love jokes, but like when I see a special that's like stories, it doesn't sound like what podcasting is. It's like you can't really write jokes, so you just tell stories. see a special, that's like stories. It doesn't sound like podcasting is like, you can't really write jokes. So you just tell stories.

I'm like, fuck, that's like, those are five stories that I would fucking kill. I don't even have, I think that's like a, like a borderline, like a one man show,

like a play. Yeah, kind of. So like when you are honing that, are you, you, you did that act as your all around the country? I'll take it out.

If I'm here in New York, I'll take it out to the clubs. I'll do it like 15 minutes at a time. Okay. That makes sense. So there was this guy that works at a hedge fund who was kind of picking on my girl one day. And I decided to just go mask off. So it'll start there. You know what I mean?

So it'll start like I'll be working on like how petty are you? Like I'll be doing crowd work. Like I'm petty. Here's how petty I am. Did you like sit down and think working on, like, how petty are you? Like, I'll be doing crowd work. Right. Like, I'm petty. Here's how petty I am. Did you, like, sit down and think, like, what are, like, the five best? It'll start, like... Like, did you have a list of things that didn't make the cut? Dude, it'll be, like, two hours of material.

Yeah. It'll be a bunch of stuff. Yeah. There's a bunch of stuff, stories that just don't even make it. You should release that. Do you have that? I should. That would be unbelievable.

Yeah, I do. I do. Like, The King's Jester, like, Cutting Room Floor. Yeah. I'll get, like, 10%, bro. Yeah. Just tag me on it I do. I do. Like the King's Jester cutting room floor. Yeah. I'll get like 10%, bro. Yeah. Just tag me on it, bro. I will say this.

First of all, love and special, everything with that. Thank you. When it starts, I was like, fuck, did Kanye design this set? It has something. I was like, did Kanye design this set like a year ago and then went off the rails? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got like the Oregon vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got like the Oregon vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a great set. Oh, thanks, bro. A compliment to this great designer. I mean, not to nerd out. It's all the stage design heads at Barstool. But it was the great, you know, we took the great James Turrell. Turrell was the one who was like the big inspiration behind like Hotline Bling, Yeezus, Dua Lipa. So not far off, bro.

Not far off. Bro, you're actually, yeah. How did something like that happen? Does that, like, Netflix took that up, or you know him? No, like, for me, it's not. Or he reached out to you. I mean, James Turrell is, like, one of the all-time. That's, like, no one Van Gogh.

He's like, you can't get him. But for me, bro, I'm just a nerd about it. Like, there'll be stuff that, even outside of comedy, I'm just like, I love this thing. You ever have those things where you're just like, I'm really into watches? This has nothing to do with comedy, but I'm like, I'll go really deep on this. And I just always loved movies and cinema and just visual storytelling. When I was a kid, my parents, we didn't have cable at home, but they just let me have Slam magazine.

So I remember just having Slam and Dime magazine as a kid and just loving the visual. I was laid out. Yeah, man. Those 90s Nike ads with Barkley, Lil Penny, Penny Hardaway, Chris Webber. Remember the one where they jumped through doing the high dive? Yeah. I love that. So I grew up with all those print ads.

I just always loved visual storytelling. So for me, I was like, oh, man if i want this to feel like a movie like it's yeah flicks i want it to dude it's super cinematic you know i almost it almost feels like you're selling it short if you said like it's a comedy i feel like comedy special it's kind of getting a little but you know what loose with it but if you it's more than ever hung out with like segura if you were hung out with um even burt kreischer a lot of value kreischer blew up off a story yeah r Russian mafia story. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was like – Yeah, storytelling to me is – Yeah. Like there's two art forms to it, and I think when you're an amazing joke writer and teller, you're so witty and clever and the misdirection, the punchlines, all that shit. Yeah. But I think when you've got – because like nobody can do that. Nobody can do your act.

I mean, no, no, no. Nobody could do maybe my version of it. But Chappelle is actually a storyteller. Sure, sure. Chappelle's one of the greatest storytellers ever. There's plenty of storytellers. But I'm saying, you can kind of steal a joke

and repurpose it. And like, nobody can steal a story about, you know, Alden Capital. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Eric and Sherlock shit. You connect it all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That shit is just you. Yeah. And I wanted to have like a, you know, when you watch stuff and you're like, that really happened? Yeah.

There's kind of like, we're part of that era of like receipts. Yeah. And you have everything on yours. Zooming in on his face. Brother Eric,

the fed. Yeah, receipt. Yeah, this dude was just, yeah. But there's the one clip where you're like,

it's going back and forth with you on stage to the show itself. And you're mouthing it. And I was like, oh, wait. How long did it take you to get that right? It almost confused me for a second. You know what the feeling I'm chasing is?

Say we didn't have all these lights. We weren't recording this, right? Say we were just hanging out. And you're like, yo, I went to high school. I'm like, no, you didn't. And you pull out your phone. You're like, no, I'm telling you. Or like, did you see that thing?

That feeling is awesome. I'm chasing that feeling. I'm like, how do I give the audience that feeling yeah of like did that for real happen yeah no way no right because it's like right on the border of like so fantastical but it's like no man like here yeah those are the stories of a famous person yeah well i was gonna say i i the way you did that is like literally my dream to do do a one-man show like that. I just don't have the talent or the material. I bet you got crazy stories.

I mean, everybody's got some stories, right? It's really the way you sequence it, and then you tag it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You also really towed the line perfectly of like – because I've seen other specials that bounce back and forth between funny and serious. Right. And sometimes the serious takes between the funny and serious. Right. And sometimes the serious takes itself a little too serious. Right, right, right. And it's like, wait a minute, I was just laughing a second ago.

Now I've got to, like, cry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's almost too crazy. And, like, every time where I thought you were about to go too far or I was like, this is going to get too serious, you hit, like, a joke. Yeah, man. Or your tone changed.

Hopefully, yeah. And it was very balanced. I know it's not for everybody. Like, some people are like bro i'm not trying to get in my feelings right now like this is kind of like drink comedy i'm not trying to cry and call my ex right now but um but you know what's interesting man like i was actually talking to samarilla about this just like in basketball is my favorite sport but just like in basketball there's different guys

that have like different superpowers where you're like oh this this guy his handle is crazy this guy's uh you know he's a he's a power Zion Williamson is a power player Kyrie's this crazy ball handler cross you up body control guy so-and-so's pure shooter Steph's like pure shooter run off the pick guy I feel like stand-ups like that too When you really nerd out there's like Some of the best kind of set up punch joke writers Are like Sam Morrill Mark Norman Joe List

Anthony Jesselman Set up punch Then there's guys that are like Kind of like philosophy take guys Like Chris Rock Was just at Radio city like you gotta go sit down and be like all right what's his take on this yeah yeah what's his take on this george carlin back yeah like then there's guys who like to me they're like they have all the infinity

stones which is dave yeah dave will be like yeah i'll do i could do setup story tells i can do yeah he'll cross over cross over cross over and then he's like all right bro now let me like he's like all wax poetic. I'll do a whole – Who's that new kid? Wembayana? You see that? He's like the next high school prospect. He's got an eight-foot wingspan.

Oh, wow. And he can shoot. Yeah. And he's skinny as like a – I think he's like seven feet tall, like 165 pounds or whatever. But they're saying he's going to – like if he puts on some weight like Giannis, he will like literally be the best player of all time. He'll be like Giannis meets Steph. Yeah. It's honestly weird. That was – I actually did like he like pulls up from like half court already yeah it's very strange like his it's like uh

people said um he looks like the guy the alien from uh signs you know like when he walks in the alley in his arms like but he can but he can fall um i I fuck with signs. Yeah. As a movie. I was like, people kind of. I can't say I fuck with it too hard. I saw it the one or two times when I was younger. Okay. I enjoyed it then. Have you watched it recently?

Like a couple years ago, I was like, oh, this movie's kind of good. You know, you ever been at a hotel and you're like, I'll spend nine hours. It's on TNT. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to watch Shawshank Redemption. Yeah. Shawshank Redemption's on. It's three o'clock. It'll be 11. It'll be over. But yeah, yeah. I'm going to watch all the commercials. Yeah, Shawshank Redemption is on. It's 3 o'clock. It'll be 11.

It'll be over. But, yeah, let me lock in. I did a fucking hungover Saturday in college where I watched, like, Titanic on TNT. And that was the one for me. It ended on Sunday. It was like we started it at 1. It's, like, over on Sunday. Have you heard the theory that it's not aliens?

Wait, what? It's one of the wilder... Environmental, right? I think it's more religious. I just found this out. The theory is literally on pull-up of Reddit thread nine years ago. Wait, but didn't Trump release the documents that it is UFOs, right? Isn't that crazy

that the government was like, alright, there are aliens. What is really crazy? And we're like, yeah, that's fine. And we just kept arguing with each other on Twitter. We i think we got stuff going on yeah i'm obsessed with aliens and ufos and shit and i and i think what is it about it that you're like well this is what i think happened i think what i learned is i'm not obsessed with that i'm obsessed with the mystery of it because once they were like yup i you know what people release all the documents. They're redacted and shit, but you can go,

there's a website where it's like, you can just read them all. And I consider myself like pretty into that shit. I didn't even consider reading it. It was just like, yup. And then you're like, wait a minute.

You're like, it's just in the PDF. The one that freaks me out, the, the, the, the, the,

yeah, it's that guy. He just tweeted it out. Yeah. We've been, we've been searching for aliens and you just put it on a PDF. Yeah. The,

the, the, the thing where they're the, you, the Navy is saying like those like Tic Tac zooming things. They're like, those are, we don't know what those are.

But to me, that's like, that could be, you know, Russian aircraft or whatever. Like there are things that you could still explain it. There was one where they said, this is made from materials,

not of this earth. Oh, wow. They were like, we don't have this like compound on this planet and what's your theory are your theories they're coming to visit us or no they're just i don't i don't know i don't know what i believe man earth is the atlanta airport where they're like just a little hop and go yeah fucking they'll help to send you to the next galaxy i don't know what i believe anymore but i'm like what do you guys they said it like it was like it was like a footnote on the new york times you know

i remember i remember in like 2019 i think something like that hillary was like if i win like the first thing i'm doing all stops if i win like we're gonna put out the ufo thing hilarious and i was like the election's over like we all want to see this there's no way like we're gonna vote for anyone else yeah and we like, we're not interested in that. Wow. Which is shocking. I couldn't believe it. I'm trying to find this.

Because there was a reason Walter killed them. That's why, like, it was. Oh, for real? They talk about that? No, no, no. This is just the flying objects, right? But there's no government documentation of, like, fucking aliens with the big ass. No, no, no.

This is just the aircraft or whatever. Yeah. What's your weird obsession? Bro, when you said that, I was like, man, I just wish I had something I was passionate about. It was – I actually got introspective. I was like, I don't have an answer for this. Like the way Jay Leno is into cars where he's like, this really was – this all was just a farce for me spending time with cars. Yeah, yeah.

I got like like i got nothing your your obsession is i like drinking a lot booze and candy yeah yeah drinking and sour who's the greatest drinker you've ever been around that's a great question who's unfuckwittable i mean we've done dude he's up there like you read read yourself. I would never go toe-to-toe, drink-for-drink with him, ever. I could never even consider it. How old are you? How does your body handle it now? It is.

It's happening. He's finally getting hangovers. This weekend, my buddy and I did an impromptu, like, bro, fuck it. Let's go to Liverpool, Man City. And so we flew out Friday night, just drank all day Saturday, drank fairly heavily sunday yeah got on a plane monday came back here and did like the podcast and i was like i was starting to feel it there but it is like i i would put myself up there i would think you have you i i swear i think

i drank for 30 hours straight between friday and saturday bro he is it's not i think man i will put gillis on there oh gillis no shane is bro he he, it's nuts. Fuck, man. I will put Gillis on there. Oh, Gillis is in it. No, Shane is. Bro, he, when it comes, he was talking recently about, he was, somebody was like trying to go drink for drink with him. Yeah.

And he was saying, he was like, this person surprised me. Like they could, they could hang, but I think they were drinking like whiskey. And then he was like, and then I just switched over to Bud Light and I just fucking crushed him. And I was almost thinking about like,

it was like a race where he had like the CO, the NOS or whatever. It was like, you're, you're, you're a neck and neck. And then he just goes, a math test.

Yeah. No, I've seen comics be like so high functioning. And I'm like, I wonder if like you take another skill set. Yeah. You do that. Yeah.

I did the SAT twos drunk. Fuck. Really? And that was, you didn't read comprehension. No, it was, I did a Spanish SAT twos drunk. Fuck, really? And that was... You didn't read comprehension, did you? No, it was... I did a Spanish SAT twos drunk because what has happened,

my buddy and I in high school, we went to like a boarding school and it was like we got to study abroad between our junior and senior year.

Okay. And so we studied in Spain between our junior and senior year and we were like, we're stupid 17-year-olds and we're like, dude,

he fucking speaks spanish better drunk there is some truth to that because i think there's like the no inhibition right is removed so then like the next year when we're taking the s82s we're like dude should we sneak in like we had the little gatorade all-star bottles you remember those yeah and we had like four each in our pockets like mixed drinks uh-huh and then we were just Four each in our pockets And like mixed drinks And then we were just Crushing them in the back Doing the SAT Like Like just kind of

Cheers to each other Every once in a while Being like Dude fucking hammering this I honestly I wish I could And how'd you do? Did you do good?

I honestly have no idea I don't I'd venture to guess I would venture to guess no I didn't have a lot of Colleges accept me I'll say that What are the soccer games

Out in Europe like? Dude I mean we talked about Ad nauseum yesterday Do they blow us out of the water in terms of the our our fandom or do they make us look it's absolute chaos it is all know like every they have songs that they've made up and they all sing all the time and it's call and response and they're always on their feet it's like i said i was like i would give anything to be able to like, because as a fan, every fan wants it to be like that. Yeah.

So if we just all agree to do that at Madison Square Garden, like, let's just do that. And we just don't because we're, I don't know why. I actually got an answer. Someone from England tweeted me. I mean, it is like, this was like the biggest match like of the year. This was a huge, this is like the one versus two at like this magical stadium. It was like, it was Liverpool, perfect storm at like this magical stadium it was like it was liverpool man city at anfield like it's fucking nuts yeah um but and it was not it

was not quiet for a single second there was not like a second where there was someone singing and all that and so we were talking on the podcast yesterday about like why that happens and what someone answered what they do and i knew they this, but I didn't really process why it works, is the away fans only get two sections. So the away fans are right here, and the rest of the fans, and that kind of inspires the tribalism. Yeah, like, fuck you. It's like, it is all of us are together, all of you. They were doing chants back and forth. It was fucking...

Oh, like one side of the arena is like... It would be like the away fans, fan city fans would be like, where's your famous atmosphere? And then the whole crowd would be like, here's your famous, here's your famous, here's your famous atmosphere. And it was like – it's almost like a musical at parts. It's like a dance. It was nuts. It was so much fun. And ours were just like drunk people fighting.

Right. But while I was just – well, I'll be at a game and I'll be like, we'll even guess how long is the wave going to go. Yeah. Who's going to stop? You know what I mean? Sometimes it doesn't

even make it around the entire arena. Yeah. You know what they also do which is smart? Yeah. They force you to your seats after halftime.

They're like, everyone get to your seats. Oh, so there's no like dilly-dallying. And how about this? There's no really drinking. They don't serve beer. Are you serious?

You can't be within vision of the pitch? You can't see the pitch and drink it's because of a law from 1985 to prevent hooliganism because if you think about it like when you're when you're you're most drunk yeah you're rowdy but you're not like focused on the game and you know if i'm like dead sober and i'm focused on like the moment and the play and the tension like that's probably when you're at your best. What do you like watching live here, stateside, here in New York? I'm a baseball fucking – I'm cursed with being a baseball fan.

Really? You know, I've never been to the Yankees or the Mets out here. Don't go. Really? I don't think baseball translates. I think out of all the sports, I think going to a baseball stadium even. I don't even want to call it going to the game. Going to the stadium is kind of like

a little bit of an experience. You see the field and it's like, it's Americana almost. You get a beer and a dog at the game. But watching it live, unless it's an important game, you go to a fucking Mets-Reds game in the middle of August.

I love it. Garbage. It's just, you know, it's four hours long. But also what fucking sucks, and we've talked about this, is that I've been to a couple of Yankee games. I've never been to a Mets game. Yeah. And it takes six hours to get into the game.

Yeah, it's great. At Yankee Stadium, they have clear now. That's how fucking long it takes to get into the game. You can use clear to get into Yankee Stadium. You've got 55,000 people through the... Bring your laptop. He was saying that over there, they didn't have metal detectors because nobody has guns. So you just walk right into the game.

We were like, listen, there's a lot of – I hate the mass shootings, but let's get rid of the guns so we can get to the fucking – get to our seat for first pitch or whatever. That's really funny. Crazy. The closest that I get growing up in Sacramento, the closest feeling I get to that feeling of that arena, that disappointment, that anger is Nick Gaines. When you go to Nick Gaines now, you feel... When I go to Madison Square Garden now, the feeling

I get, the way the crowd is angry at the players and the organization, I'm like, oh, I feel like I'm back. It's this hopelessness, but it's like, but we're still family. You know what I mean? We're in this together. What's unique about the, but it's like, but we're still family. Yeah. You know what I mean? Right, right. We're in this together.

Well, that's what's unique about the Knicks in New York is everybody is a Knicks fan. There's no Mets, Yankees, Giants, Jets. Everyone's always fragmented. There's just Brooklyn Nets nonsense. I couldn't believe it because I remember thinking, like, this is going to be interesting. Like, the Nets might make some noise. And they tried with Garn and paul pierce and all them and it didn't work then but i was like ah those guys were aging it was a bad move and

then they assembled like this real big three and they still were like a footnote yeah man and maybe if they if they win the championship obviously they'll get some more love but like the knicks making the what they were four seed that year was like remember that game they won against atlanta yeah like the one game they played was like andin'. And Puerto Rican Spider-Man was going crazy. Remember that dude? It was like the Spider-Man with the Yankee fin. Oh, yeah. Bang, bong, blew up the whole nine.

Yeah, it was crazy. And I think we kind of – and then when you lose, you kind of become a little bit of like a punchline. But I was like, man, this is the blueprint. Yeah. Like it's a little silly when you're celebrating the streets from a first-round game. The Nets are the Hudson Yards of basketball teams. Say again? The Nets are the Hudson Yards of basketball teams. Say again? The Nets are the Hudson Yards of basketball teams. Yes, yes, yes. I like that.

Why is there an H&M inside of the arena? That's the vibe at Nets. It's so corporate. Yeah, and I'll get invited. I'm like, nah, I'd rather go to... And it's crazy. They're a better team. Right, but the fan experience is absolutely unparalleled. And that's if the Knicks ever do win.

If you're going bananas for winning a game against the Hawks in round one, imagining a game seven in the finals. Bro, it would be so amazing being in the city if the Knicks are good. I'm from Boston, so I don't really care that much about New York sports. But I remember I was walking home from a friend's apartment, and I didn't even know the Knicks were playing that night. And I thought I didn't know that there was a parade. And I was like, what?

Because I live on the west side. And I was walking down past MSG, and I was like, what the fuck is happening? Why is there chaos in the middle of the street right now? And it was just a regular season game, right? No, no, no. It was the game two game. No, it was the game two. And it was like, I probably should have been smart enough to put it together.

There's a bunch of Knicks jerseys here. It might have something to do with that team. But I was just like, why is everyone in the street? What is going on? Even regular season, you'll see it. We're right around the corner here. That's also, it's right in the city. You've got to go to the Outer Boroughs or Jersey for all the other sports.

It's like, take the subway. You're at the game. But it is, man. There's nothing like it. By the way, shout out to Deezus and Merrill. They kind of banned them from sitting courtside. Did they? Yeah. Really? of banned them from sitting courtside. Did they?

Yeah. Really? MSG or Brooklyn? MSG. So I want to say free Deezus and Mero. That's funny. Yeah, bro. Get them back. Yeah.

I mean, how bad was those bivvy years when, I mean, you got- Well, I feel vindicated now. Because- Because of Donaghy. Yeah. I mean, you got fucked. And everybody knew it in the moment. Yeah i mean that you got fucked and everybody everybody knew it in the moment yeah and then you got like the hardcore proof well the well the problem is

is that everybody rubs it in our face because we couldn't hit free throws at the end of the game yeah i was gonna say you also yeah yeah yeah and paja could fucking choked and hit that three but that that back pick and kobe Hook him. Yeah, hooks. And they called a foul on Bibby. Yeah, that's cooked. Yeah, right. And that's an atrocity. And we would have won the championship, by the way. Oh, yeah, you guys were.

That was the Nets in the finals. I mean, that was Weber, Bibby, Peja. Vladi. Wait, that was the Nets in the finals? Yeah, bro. Richard Jefferson and fucking. Garbage. Garbage.

Kerry Kittles and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Garbage. That was in the finals? Yeah, bro. Richard Jefferson and fucking – Garbage. Garbage. Kerry Kittles and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Garbage. That was a fun team. Yeah, bro. We were a great team. And everybody, like, no matter where I go in the country, when they're like, blah, blah, blah, they're like, I remember your era.

Like, I remember the Kings. We had that 98 – Oh, Jay Will was on the team, right? White Chocolate. So 98 to, like, 0-2, like, say, 0-3. The Kings were it. But, I mean, how much does that suck when, you know what 98 to 0-3 is? It's fucking Kobe and Shaq on a runaway train, you know?

Just a tear. On a tear. But you had them. But we were as good as that Lakers team in that. It was also just a fun like Brandon Ball. It was like White Chocolate and Bibby had the handles and Pager could shoot and Chris Webber was like the guy. Like we had the handles and Pager could shoot and Chris Webber was like the guy

depth like we had Chris and Deb with Doug Christie Bobby Jackson all those guys coming off the bench yeah all those guys

getting off the bench so that like depth chart that you see now with the Warriors being super deep and you got multiple squads like we got the starting five but we got the starting three

but you have like an A team and B team yeah you gotta get fucking fourth grade again yeah that shouldn't happen but that's the league now. You know what I mean?

Yeah. So you're just straight basketball? Are you any? Straight basketball. But everyone's like, you got to go to Rangers games now. So I was going to say, the same way I say don't go to a baseball game, everyone, it's cliche, but you go see a hockey game. Preferably if you can go see a playoff game live, but any hockey live is bananas.

I was going to say, when I, the soccer game, was like, people were like, when you see it live, you get it. And as growing up a hockey fan, you go to a hockey game live, you get it. You're like, all right, everyone's fucking crazy. There's also just such great sounds in the hockey. It's kind of like baseball with the skates in the ice, the ping of the post, things crashing off boards. Do you feel like it translates to TV well? I feel like the game doesn't translate well at all.

Like, unless you like, unless you really are a hockey fan, it's impossible to follow. Yeah. You don't know what's going on. Yeah. But when you're there,

it's also, I think kind of like the last, like, because it's such a, like the fourth tier of sports that like the blue collar can still afford to go to. Yeah. So like, they're like,

I'm going, I'm going to get fucked up. I'm going to get loud. And it's a big deal for them. Yeah. I had a bad day at work. I'm going to take that out on a fucking 20-year-old. Weren't the Rangers good

and nobody was talking about it? Like, they made the playoffs, right? The Rangers are always... Last year was like... But it got talked about. Yeah, no, they get... Really. When they get cooking,

it's pretty... I mean, it's still... As much as when the Knicks were making that run against Atlanta. I remember the mellow years where they went far against Indiana. Like, that was a real – The Knicks are bad versus the Rangers being good.

Like, the Knicks are still the story. Dude, the bar is low for hockey. Hockey's so low. Do they have us on NY1 tonight? Bro, like – Yeah, hockey's the C-span of sports. Hey, there's a particular demo. Who's watching that shit? There's a particular demo. hockey's the c-span of sports hey there's a there's a particular demo there's a particular demo c-span yeah there was always that government government and legislation from like channel 12 to like 20 when i was a kid was just like a million c-spans yeah what the fuck is this one of my first girlfriends i like went

to visit her at college she was like staying at her friend's college like we were still in high school uh-huh and like we were like sleeping in like a bunk bed together and i woke up and i was like is c-span on purposely watching and she was like yeah i've watched c-span when i can't fall asleep and i was like you're so goddamn weird like i think i love you that's actually kind of beautiful. Yeah. How did you, were you always politically, you know, savvy or like well-read or whatever you call yourself? I was into history out of everything. Like I was into history and I was a speech and debate kid.

Like I loved speech. And that's so fucking nerdy. This is so nerdy. I was, I did forensics. I did impromptu speech and debate. It was, it was great. Yeah. I kind of liked that though.

Like there is to me, that's almost like a sport in its own right where it's like oh the debating is like there's nothing better anybody listening that knows that's a forensics head they know what it is yeah yeah it's so it's like pitch perfect but with like hell yeah let's go yeah bro it's serious we have a lot of forensics heads on this show yeah people take it really really seriously you know debate club is kind of like a trope almost like nerds but it's like it's like a rap battle it's like a fucking presidential debate it's like a you know everybody loves to argue it's proven your girlfriend wrong it's and i was yeah and i was like yeah i was i did impromptu so it was like oh yeah it was perfect for me like a kid with add

that doesn't want to prepare too much but just enough so what they just give you a topic yeah so it'll be like, so like me and you are debating and they'll be like, okay, we're obviously, we're in Cincinnati today for nationals and you will be given the topic of fiscal spending for the town

and blah, blah, blah. So you'll be given like, we should spend more money on the library. I'll be given, we should spend less money on the library. And even if you categorically against it, you gotta argue it. See, I love that.

And I actually kind of love, because it's great for comedy if you want like the contrarian perspective. Yeah, yeah. Yo, I kind of get this. You know, you kind of flip it on its head. We did a segment,

his last name's Feidelberg and we used to have Big Cat on our show, so we called it Cat Fights. And I would give 60 seconds and I would give them two topics. So like, and whatever, I would fucking do it on purpose.

I'd be like, why is baseball, why is basketball better than hockey? And make him argue it. And he was like, and whatever. I would fucking do it on purpose. I'd be like, why is baseball, why is basketball better than hockey? And make him argue it. And he was like, ah. And I was like, to his core, he doesn't believe in any of it. That's, I'm so bad at that. Oh, really?

I would, I was like, I was going to, it's funny you remember that. Like, I was like, if I would never do good in debate club, if I did it, I'm just saying, is because like, I'd be like, I don't believe that. So I'm not going to argue. My favorite one, I remember, you know, he's like a, I don't believe that. I'm not going to argue. My favorite one, I remember, he's like, I don't even know what your musical tastes are. And Dan is like a classic rock guy.

And I was like, Tupac and Biggie, you're Biggie, you're Tupac, go. And they both were like, I got nothing, man. Are you serious? They couldn't for 30 seconds. There were redeemable qualities about both. I think we just didn't even do the fucking segment. I don't remember that one.

But yeah, you were just like, I don't know, man. My favorite thing to do was like, you're just in a high school gymnasium and I would just totally break the fourth wall. I'd be like, what are we doing? That's the comedy company. Yeah. I'm like, we're 15 years old. You want us to talk about like fiscal spending for the city?

Like we both live at home with our parents. I'm like, is that your dad? Like I have an allowance, dude. Yeah. This is a conflict of interest. By the way, if I lose, it's because y'all are cheating. So it's just like you would kind of do crowd. I would whip it into a frenzy.

And I remember my teacher, Miss Takeuchi, she was like, she'd show me the report, like the little score sheet. And she's like, hey, they would always give you like 10 or 15 points more just for being funny. I didn't know it was a talent. I didn't know it was a thing. You're just like, I'm just kind of like shooting the shit. I'm just talking shit. And so when did you realize that? I mean, especially talking about the you realize that I mean in the special

You talk about the first joke That you landed With the terrorism thing Yeah but right around college Is when you knew Like I'm gonna be a comedian I could just see Like there was

Open mics and shit Like that at school And I was like Oh this is like a thing And I went to college Where'd you go UC Davis So I went to college

During like the Napster Kazaa LimeWire Yeah So people were downloading Like everything So I just remember I just felt like I, Kazaa, LimeWire era. So people were downloading everything. So I just remember I just felt like I was plugging into the Matrix. Right. Give it all to me.

Yeah, give me every episode of South Park. Give me every episode of all this stuff. Did you ever watch Clone High? Nah. Fuck, I swear to God, I'm the only person on the planet who ever watched Clone High. Is it like a Disney channel show or something? It's brilliant. No, it was on MTV.

It got canceled because it's wildly inappropriate. Yeah. Brilliant, no. It was on MTV. It got canceled because it's wildly inappropriate. The idea was that some mad scientist cloned everyone in history. Yeah. And they are now all of teenage age, and they're going to high school. So JFK, Cleopatra. JFK is the villain. Abe Lincoln and Gandhi are boys, but they're like these hormonal, horny teenagers. And it's very well written.

Gandhi is like this ADD, horny party animal. And Abe is trying to win over Cleopatra. It's a cartoon? Yes, it's a cartoon. That's so funny. It got one season on MTV. And I think there was a scene. I think Gandhi was jerking off on something.

And they were like, this shit is done. And it was like 2003 and they still were like, this is too offensive. But it was like a great like, you know, history and smart, but clever, but comedy. It's kind of like, but you can do that. I mean, I think comics are all inherently kind of smart people. You got to be clever and witty and wordplay and punchlines and shit like that. For sure. And then if you can combine that with like actual you know you're well read or you have some

aptitude and you know things like that's when you can really do yeah and some of those guys by the way like um there's this comedian i don't know if you ever saw him greg giraldo that dude is a fucking monster yeah but he was an attorney so a lot of a lot of comics actually were like attorneys before so like interesting greg giraldo was an attorney dimitri martin was a attorney right yeah bro he worked at the white house too people don't know that he works at the white house yeah yeah it's crazy he's super smart if you if you like it's puzzles man it's like it's verbal like word right right it's like you're this one's serious yeah set it up the same idea. Same thing with like rap music and punchline. You know, T.I. was trying to do comedy recently.

And it's like if you think about it. How's that going? I know he's doing comedy. It's not going well. It went poorly, I think. So it went – in the beginning it was like – it wasn't great. But it was like, I don't know. This is like rap punchlines.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was very humble about it. He was like, I can't just be rapping about hoes and jewelry until I'm 50. But then there was a night that a female comic got on stage and I think took a fair shot at him, nothing bad. And he bum-rushed the stage and took a mic from her. Oh, I saw this. It was fucked. It was like, you're done.

You can't do that in comedy. You can't be taking the mic away from me because you made a joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the notion stands. I think all those guys, if they wanted to be comics, they could just kind of like pivot over to here because it is all the same thing. You just got to hone it in a certain way. What's the story behind that? Hell yeah, greatness.

Yeah. Our future president, bro. So we had Rocky Dale Davis, the other guy tagged on that. He's a comic and he's boys with The Rock like for real boys? well I shouldn't say boys but like internet boys yeah they're cool Rocky what he had like a joke in his special about The Rock

that like The Rock just saw some joke I don't think it was about The Rock and then we followed him on Instagram and then ended up like sharing a bunch of his stuff they interact a lot on the internet and so I very much was pandering. Like, hey, Dwayne, you love Rocky Dale Davis, but what about the guys who were interviewing him?

They're great, too. Hell yeah, great. You know you were talking about receipts earlier? Yeah, yeah. Fake receipts. No, that's real, though, right? I mean, it is real, but it's like the phoniest shit. It was like six degrees of separation.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I got to get a better story on that one. That was the time I beat him arm wrestling. He's probably one of my all-time favorites. Or wrestlers. Are you a wrestler too? Did you get to talk to him about that? Oh, bro, this is from my grandfather.

Interesting. Wrestling's big, bro. Yeah. Is that your whole family? Well, like... Just you and your grandfather. Well, actually, funny enough, for Iranians and Greeks,

wrestling is huge. Like, proper wrestling. Right, right. Greco-Roman type shit. But then also professional wrestling. My grandfather was really into it when I was a kid, and then I got really into it,

but I was from the WCW, NWO, that era. Yeah, so... To me... Wait, that's funny you say that. Ray Mysterio Jr., those guys were my... You went WCW instead of WWF attitude? That's crazy. That is the craziest thing I've ever heard.

Yeah, that actually kind of is kind of crazy. I mean, they ended up poaching all the guys that were... But I remember Monday Night Nitro over Monday Night Raw. You're fucking crazy. Yeah. The NWO kind of was cool, but like... NWO was kind of fucking badass. Yeah, yeah.

They were. Yeah, Nitro was kind of whack when, but like. M.U.O. was kind of fucking badass. Yeah, yeah. They were. They were. Yeah, Nitro was kind of whack when Raw was where. Raw was like fucking tits and violence and cursing. It was crazy. For an adolescent boy, it was like, holy shit. But all was awesome. That era, so I started getting into it.

Remember right when Yokozuna died or whatever? Like that was right when I was a kid and I was getting into it. And I'm like, oh, this oh this is there's snakes here yeah yeah i remember valvinas got his dick cut off choppy choppy your peepee yeah bro yeah i also i hate that undertaker yokozuna like that era was like yeah that's the one yeah it's got me in yeah i i've fallen off but uh aew wrestling i've kept apprised of anything that's going on now no it's kind of like aew is like another federation wwe kind of became the kids family version oh yeah they're not like what's aew like backyard like the backyard it's not quite like that it's still like you're on tv and it's wrestling but um there's a there's a

wrestler now uh mjf max max maxwell j friedman he plays this like got a burberry scarf on he's like i'm better than you but he's like 24 25 yeah and he has got the juice man he is like really he's like the next the rock in my mind so i like he kind of drew me back in uh but i to me that was like i think the attitude era was like the most entertained i've ever been sports comedy movies whatever like every monday and thursday i was like the most entertained I've ever been. For sure. Sports, comedy, movies, whatever. Like every Monday and Thursday, I was like, what's going to happen next? Was Dwayne in that era? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like Stone Cold and The Rock. Yeah. Triple H, Undertaker. Yeah. DX, Suck It, all that. Yeah.

But yeah, The Rock was like prominent. He was a heel. Mankind as well. Mankind. Hell in a Cell, we was throwing him off the fucker. Yeah, bro. It was great. The DX, Suck It. The fact that we, I think I was in middle school at the time, maybe a little younger. Yeah. Mankind is wrong Hell in a cell We was throwing him Off the fuck Yeah bro It was great The DX suck it

The fact that like We I think I was in Middle school at the time Maybe a little younger Everyone It was just like Suck my dick So aggressive

I went to like Smackdown once At TV Garden I can't believe Our middle school teachers Let us do it We play two hand touch We score a touchdown

We do that And I'm like I mean it's pretty Even if you don't know And like Mr. DeMarco's like, I'll allow it. If you throw up a middle finger, I'm going to be pretty pissed. But you can suck my dick. Bro, we're asking someone to fillet me right now.

You're cool with this, Mr. DeMarco? This is fucking insanity. I remember, bro, I was like such a fan. I went to Borders Bookstore and bought Have a Nice Day. The book and everything? I made M i wouldn't have thought that uh that your family was into it yeah yeah that is funny it was just you know he had the puppet and is that just it's not like a cultural thing like is that is it big i think it's just like that that idea bro if you think about it wrestling kind of is bollywood in that nature yeah well that's why bro, if you think about it, wrestling kind of is Bollywood in that nature. Yeah, well, that's why I wonder if you translated it.

Hero, heel, spectacle. It's very enhanced. Yeah, man. And if you also understand, like, if you understand wrestling, you understand politics. Right. Yeah, I can see it. No, no. I think if you understand wrestling, you kind of understand, like, life.

It's like black, white, good, evil. You know, like Vince is pulling the strings. To me, it's like that, white, good, evil. Vince is pulling the strings. To me, it's like that's why it works. And it's also like in any given situation, who's the hero, who's the heel? Yeah. And if you can't be the hero, you're like, I'm the heel. Lines are blurred. And if you actually go full heel, you're like, now people fuck the heel.

You become the hero. Yeah. For better or worse. I think there's some people employing that that shouldn't. So, yeah. So it's like, I don't know. If I ever got asked to do it like i'm kind of hell yeah i'm kind of jealous that like che and jose got asked to do it but i'm like i'll fucking do it in a heartbeat i saw action bronson he just did a recent yeah i was like fuck yeah dude if you can

get in there i remember the it can backfire though david arquette he won he won the wcw belt at like the big pay-per-view and the fans were like fuck fuck that no no you gotta be like you gotta come you gotta come and you slide under you do the you just the chair yes like a low blow or something and then you're out just chair it yeah yeah which is by the way like people you know it's like wrestling's fake and you feel those chairs like they're the fucking chairs oh have you felt them are those chairs have you ever felt a chair because they're just chairs they're chairs they are not like they're just chairs the They are not like, they're just chairs. But the ring has a little bit of bounce in it. You know how when they go, bro, yes.

That's also, I think MJF was telling me, it's not, it's like, okay, if I had a wooden board on springs, would you be willing to just throw your back on it? It's not like soft. It's not concrete, but it's not soft. It's not like your parents' master bedroom bed. When you're wrestling as a kid,

you're like, I'm going to do a pile driver. It's real. I've sat, because our company does some work with WWE,

so I sat on the floor at SummerSlam last year, I think. So what's that environment floor at SummerSlam like last year, I think. And then I've sat... All right, so what's that environment like? That's insane, right?

That's actually... I would put that up there with the soccer. That was fucking nuts. But I've also sat on the floor at a Triple G fight. And at both,

you can feel the vibrations like that from the ring through your seat. Yeah. And it was pretty similar. Like, I mean, we were like in the second row at SummerSlam.

And I was like, they're just... Oh, he's just kicking him in the head. It's not like there aren't mics. It's not like on TV. I could just hear him getting fucking kicked in the head. And I think they said the punches when you throw, you're throwing a real punch and you're hitting them in the head. But you're supposed to be able to hold a roll of nickels in your hand.

So that's all. It's not a full knuckle. But again, if I just kind of half punched you right now, you'd be like, what the fuck? Yeah, for sure. Wrestling's a mess, man.

I feel like they're too nice now, though. Because I did the Tonight Show when Roman Reigns was on, and he's like, hey, how are you? And I'm like, oh, fuck.

Yeah, you gotta stay. If I'm at Disneyland and I meet Mickey, I want your Mickey Mouse. Yeah, be fucking Mickey. Don't break tape, man. Yeah, yeah. Don't be like

Hi Mickey You gotta get back to that Suck it Mr. Mouse here Hello man How you doing Mr. Mouse here I'm like come on bro

Man I think we could go on for hours But I think we gotta wrap up Right Yeah I did get a kick out of I just gotta say When you When you're talking to your crowd

In the beginning of the special And you were like Shout out to all the doctors And the DOs Oh shit Bro how did you know That was gonna happen Bro You well indian people right you know yo man if you bring out niche physician jokes yeah you're bringing but you will you will raise

the wrath of god because because it's it's a secret they hide deep inside of them right nobody can know this right you gotta go loud pop, pop the boots. That actually was the best when you were too serious, when you went from serious to funny, when you said like when don't want becomes can't have, right, D.O.? And I was like, ah! Yeah, come on, man. Yeah. And what's crazy is like it's almost like physician warfare

because some of the shows on tour when I I would shout out the DOs are like, boo, fuck you. Like we're paying for tickets. I was like, you want me to make fun of nurses or nurse practitioners or God forbid, chiropractors. So then it was like class warfare.

I'll throw in a dentist. You can all catch it. Yeah. And then they were like, they were like, yeah, fuck that. Like the nurses were like,

fuck that. We do all your work anyway. And I'm like, yeah, I'll find it out. Y'all find it out. Up in the balcony, jump down. Yeah. Because they didn't know. There was a little bit of like, you're just shitting.

I was like, no, no, no. I know how deep this goes. Right. And it's like a jam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you also, when you continued on, you shouted out everybody from Deloitte. Oh, fuck, yeah. And I got such a kick out of that. Because when I was an accountant, I worked at Deloitte,

and we opened up an office in Hyderabad. Hyderabad. Yeah. And we would finish up our work for 6 o'clock or whatever, and we would send it over to them, and they would work on it overnight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I had this team of heroic Indian guys and girls who would do my work for basically I would come in and sometimes they would completely fuck it up and I'd be like

come on man but I would will come in and everything would be done for me and it was like this magical like you're asleep at night and then your work is done your 8 a.m. is there a p.m. yes you do this like call yeah yeah and it was the best thing that ever happened and then they were like we also need people to start doing like six months over there like do you want to go and i was like bro i don't even go to like brooklyn i'm not going to go in there but like did you get your cpa no that was where i uh began because at the beginning of this when you're like i was an accountant i was like wait a second yeah no cpa test is hard i did not do that no i'm not saying that you wouldn't pass i was very bad at it i was like i gotta go i gotta

fucking go it's like i need was like bro I needed a whole new I needed a whole new career you worked at Deloitte yeah bro why didn't we start the podcast this way I I

I know we'll do it for next time alright for next time alright so everybody go see The King's Jester it's fucking awesome thank you so much

thanks man yeah សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.