KFC Radio - Be Like the Swedes

Episode Date: April 22, 2021

Subscribe, rate, review, and tell a friend! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO -We listen to your song submissions: Submit through [e-mail] -Feits is sick of the argument against milk -The difference in American and European sex -AITA Thursday: Making your kid's friends follow your rules -Voicemails: Are men oblivious to their female friends hot features? Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @FeitsBarstoolYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Ladies and gentlemen, I now need to introduce to you, the greatest show on earth! You want to take the anxiety out of sex? Fucking be a Swede, go down on that puss first. Are you ready for that? Are you ready for that? It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network.

What up, chicken heads? Whoop, whoop, chicken head. Whoop, whoop, chicken. Ka-cha, ka-cha, ka-cha. I've been re-watching that, by the way. I think the later seasons are funnier than they get credit for. The Netflix seasons? Heavens to Betsy Johnson.

I think it's just like... No. I think people just like to hate the new thing I'm not saying they're like season 1 and 2 are like unbelievable I think you like to like these things that people don't like I think you're a positive contrarian I don't think so it's just like look I laughed

I'm not saying it's a great show but I laughed during it well that's fine but yeah I mean the bar they're a victim of their own success you know their bar was so high but that doesn't make it not funny yeah i guess so yeah it's like it's they're very funny actors with funny writers and like maybe the the writing isn't as great as it was or the premises are a little different but like there are funny parts of it for sure yeah but you, it's like I'd rather just watch an entirely different show than a bad version of... Bastardized version of your show.

Yeah, yeah. But we do have our subtitle shirts on. Dance music playing for John. Awkward laughing for me. So go get your subtitle shirts. If you are team subtitle, this is your official uniform. If you are team subtitles and you always use subtitles at home, closed captions, you have to have the official gear.

So buy the hoodie and let us know. Let's make a submission form, Nick, for other subtitles that you want to see on a shirt and the most popular one wins. Okay. Also, we need to get our music submissions. So we're not allowed to use music anymore as our intro. So The Greatest Show and Kid Cudi is not allowed anymore. So I wanted to get an original KFC Radio theme song made.

And we've gotten a couple submissions of people making real attempts. Apparently, we've also just gotten idiotic ones. Yeah, we got a few that are just voice notes of people just screaming and whatnot. I'm leaning towards those. I was going to say, can we play one real quick? Is there a way you can at least get a taste of one? Yeah, the email for that is kfcradiointro at gmail.com. I was going to say, can we play one real quick? Is there a way you can at least get a taste of one? The email for that is kfcradiointro at gmail.com.

kfcradiointro at gmail.com. If you have an idea for our intro, it could be a well-made theme. Nick's been playing like a generic beat at the end of our shows. Have you heard that? No, because you don't listen to our shows. Neither have I. I'll pull it up here if I'm even subscribed. At the end of our show, it's like a pretty cool beat.

I'll play it through the TV right now. Okay. I want to see if you can tell me what song this sounds like, because it definitely sounds like a song. Just kidding. I don't have my hard drive. It's like a rap song that I'm about to sing along with it, and then I just don't. sing along with it. And then I just,

then I just don't, um, smoke weed every day. No, that was funny. Gangster's paradise. No, I mean,

uh, run away. I haven't heard it yet. Yeah, I know. I'm just guessing. Uh, this is like the last like 20 seconds.

Like how last, last minute and a half. Like young and wild and free. i was gonna say uh trick daddy good day is that what's trick daddy good day trick daddy because today is gonna be a good day and oh wait is that that's not trick daddy that's um yeah it's roots it's uh but trick daddy has a song like that too And all my problems Gonna go away Oh yes

Yeah that's what I was thinking of Yeah yeah okay I didn't know That was by Trick Daddy No it's not But Trick Daddy Has a song like that

It's Nappy Roots Okay this is Nappy Roots What's the Trick Daddy Like happy song I think he's got a lot Of like But What are you talking about

Nappy Roots, Good Day? Let's begin now. Yes, this is it. I can't believe I just got a rap question. I can't believe it either. Unbelievable. And that it was Nappy Roots. Like, that's not.

Oh, I was. Because all my people go. Yeah, I, that's the exact song I was thinking of. So good job, OU. Never in a million years would I have guessed that's Nappy Roots. I thought that Nappy Roots fell off the face of the earth after they did, I don't know, hell no, man. Y'all done up and done it.

I don't know that one. I was at a show last night. I was at a comedy show. You don't know this song? Oh, we can't even do this. I was going to say, you're playing music. I can't. But I was at a stand-up comedy show,

and this guy was doing... He's a black guy with long dreads, and he's talking about how his grandma loved his hair, and it's because he looked like that rapper from the Fugees. And I was like, oh, man, that's pretty cool. And he was like, Wyclef. And my grandma was like, like nah the one who did the miseduc and I started laughing and like no one else really laughed yeah and he's like hold up

you got the joke he's like you know the miseducation and I was like yeah Lauryn Hill and he came over he gave me a pound he's like he's like I've been doing this for a lot of white crowds no one gets that and I was like really well wait first of all that's very, I've been doing this in front of a lot of white crowds. No one gets that. And I was like, really? Well, wait. First of all, that's very cool. I've never been called out in a stand-up comedy. Oh, I was called out very often last night. Yeah? I was. Well, once that happens, then you're.

Well, I was literally like, OK. So I was at a, it's called Prohibition Comedy. And a lot of our guests have been on it before. Yeah. And they were just at Factory. Right. They were at my bar. Yeah.

So I was like, oh, I'll check this out. Yeah. And because it's our bar, and I was just like, yo, I'm going to come tonight. And I guess they were thinking, like, you want to sit in the comedy's front row. That's where I was sitting to the mic. Oh, heavens to Betsy. And you're sitting there with your stupid face and your mustache. Oh, my mustache.

Guess what? Someone was doing Chauvin jokes, thought I was a cop. And they were like, you look like a fucking cop, huh? And I was like, was a cop and they're like you're like a fucking cop huh and i was like no and then they're like all right what do you do then i wasn't gonna say like i'm a podcaster yeah so i was like uh i think a fucking cop that's funny i mean i get kind of what you're saying but uh you either got to have something on deck or just tell the truth because you can't go, I don't know what I do. Yeah.

I wasn't saying it. Fucking cop. And then there's another one where they're like, people like someone's doing a bit with like, no one really meets famous people. I got a great famous person story. Like, who's like, have you ever met a famous person? And they ask me. Oh, man.

And I was like, uh. And I hit, I was sitting with Rudy. And I hit Rudy. Rudy, you answer. He goes, fuck that, you answer. I didn't say anybody. Like, what's the biggest obnoxious, you know, you could have imagined if you were just like, well, yeah, I mean, I met David Ortiz, Alex Rodriguez. I wouldn't even know who to say.

I know. I wouldn't have any idea. I should have been like, just started listening to like, stand up comedians. Right. All of them. Yeah. I know. I wouldn't have any idea. I should have just started listening to stand-up comedians. Right. All of them. Yeah. Bill Burr. Like, everybody.

But it was very fun. It was a good show. But yeah, it was the opposite of the Zack Snyder thing. Yes, yes, yes. Where it was like, I'm Zack. And I was like, I'm not doing that. I'm not telling you who I am. Because I'm not Zack Snyder.

So I'm just going to shut my fucking mouth. Yeah, because. We have the worst job in the world because it kind of sounds braggy, but it's not braggy at all. But also, if you were to be like, oh, man, you know, it's... Yeah, I'm on KFC radio. And they'd be like, who the fuck is that? Who is that?

Somebody might be like, oh, wow, no fucking way. But somebody might be like, shut the fuck up. I don't know what that is. No, I followed a few of the comedians after. And two of them did reply, DM me right away. Like, I thought I recognized you. Cool, cool, cool. So they, cool, cool, cool, cool. But second half of that, by the way,

knowing Lauryn Hill is a crazy thing now? I guess. I guess it's a long time ago. And I guess, I don't know. It was my dad's favorite rapper. Yeah. And so the guy was like, he was like. Did you say that? Yeah I don't know. It was my dad's favorite rapper. Yeah. And so he was, the guy was like, he was like. Did you say that?

Yeah, I was like, yeah, it was my dad's favorite rapper growing up. My dad would like sit me down and listen to the Fugees. I mean, that's surprising, but like not. Like the Fugees is fucking unbelievable music. And she is one of the greatest rappers. Not like, she's definitely the greatest female rapper of all time. But like one of the greatest rappers, period. I think my dad's favorite rappers were Rage Against the Machine and Lauryn Hill.

It's a shame that she absolutely hates white people. But but but she's great. I was like, he's like, oh, man, your dad's got a pass. He's been up in Harlem, hasn't he? It was very funny. It's very fun. It was always like I don't think I learned about it until like 5.30 or 6 o'clock. The show started at 7.30.

I was like, oh, yeah, I'll go check that out. It's awesome. Great time. The Prohibition thing is awesome. Natalie Cuomo was there last night. Yeah. She's the hottest girl in the world. She's very pretty.

She is so hot and obviously like a great stand-up. But, boy, those tats and everything. God damn. Yeah, I remember just like I think she was on R.E. Garbage. And she was just like, yeah, I have to cover everything, like, goddamn. Yeah, I remember we were just, like, I think she was on RU Garbage, and she was just like, yeah, I have to, like, cover up a lot of my, like, exes' tattoos because I just get their names tattooed on me. Oh, John's in love. I think she said, and I don't know how much of it is a bit and how much isn't,

she said she has seven coffins tattooed on her because she covers them with a coffin. Coffin every time they break up? Wow. I hope that's real. Do we have an example here to play? Yeah, I'm going to play the one that probably won't make it, but it's very funny. See, the more you say that, the more I think this is going to become our theme song right now. From CJ Brown, my friends and I wrote this song when we were high off our asses and recorded it on his cell phone.

Quality isn't great, but I think everyone and the rest of the crew will be down. There we go. Whiskey dick, what can you do? Whiskey dick happens Jay, and you. The other night, I was at the bar. Started talking to a girl. Got her to my car. I was fine to drive. Got to my place. I got her some wine, and she sat on my face. Got her upstairs and into my loft.

Gave her a scare when my Johnson was soft. Bro, who's good enough to drive but not get hard? I don't know. I've been there. This is a song about whiskey dick. KFC Radio needs a song I got. Yeah. Guys, get over here. We went to my room and we ripped some ball.

She's grown impatient. She wanted my shlong. She took off my pants, but she couldn't find my doll. Whiskey dig. What can you do? Whiskey dig. This is like halfway done. We got a long way to go here. This is a ditty. This is like, we're like halfway done. We got a long way to go here.

This is a ditty. This is a full song. I've never heard people less on beat than this in my entire life. Whiskey Dick, what can you do? Whiskey Dick happens to me and you. Whiskey Dick, what can you do? Whiskey Dick happens to me and you. It sounds like a fucking chant at a sports game that's gone past three times.

And everyone's looking around like, are we still doing it? Are we going another Whiskey Day? All right, Whiskey Day. Ryan Brown, is that his name? CJ Brown? CJ Brown. CJ, appreciate you, babe. Thank you. You know, I don't know. Listen,

I don't think it's going to be the theme song for our podcast because, well, it's like inspired by KFC Radio, you know? But it has nothing to do with our podcast other than our dicks don't get hard. You know, maybe it does have a lot to do with our podcast. Do you want to do another? This one's a little bit more legit. Yeah.

Here. I forget which one it is. He sent all the stems, so some of it's just like vocals and stuff hold on Get ready for some hot sex. Get ready for some hot. I thought he was going to say, like, sex. Yeah, I did too. I couldn't understand any of the words.

Yeah, the beat was cool. Well, if you want just the words, we got that right here. Wow. Where is it KFC radio oh oh oh I'm down for that so what you wanna know oh oh oh

I think that coming in and out of interviews or maybe I like the KFC radio I don't know we'll put that somewhere we just drop that in and out We're gonna We're gonna Give me

Play with one more Pick a random one Or was there any other ones That you thought were good Or particularly bad Some part of me wants to hear The really bad One guy just sent me

A Spotify link to like Somebody else's song I'm like Alright you didn't You are failing this exercise sir It's like yo man Here's this Warren Hill song It's awesome That was Ryan Fine by the way What's that. That was Ryan Fine, by the way. What's that? That was Ryan Fine, by the way.

Okay. Gay FC radio. I haven't previewed all of them. Let me see. Oh, yeah, no, that's just DJ Shadow. I think we're going to end up getting a great song or a very funny song out of this. Spotify.

That's just... Yeah, no, I don't... People are just sending links to songs. Guys, we don't need help finding songs. This one is like, this guy just makes music. And I think this is more for a movie. Wait a second. This is awesome.

Yeah. Put this with the whiskey dick. Whoa. This is hot. This goes. I think we got some of the boys. I think we got some. That is. Particularly that beginning, that. It's like a bong in here.

Yeah. We should make a video doing that. Yeah. Okay. Okay, so now we need some vocals. So we just need that dude, Lewis Music, to lay some vocals on. Does he have other shit there? He has multiple ones?

Yeah. Let's play another one for me. That one was superhero. I was going to say that felt like the beginning of the DC movies for some reason. This is championship. Okay, so he's got one sound here. He's got one sound he's got one instrument okay next well the last one there's three there right this is final showdown okay Okay, next.

The last one. There's three there, right? This is Final Showdown. Okay. It's... Okay. We've got to diversify a little bit here, Lewis. I just want to get a beat drop on this one. You know what's wild?

The fact that guys like John Williams and Hans Zimmer are really good at that. I mean, it sounds stupid to say they're good at making music, because obviously people can be good and bad at that. But the fact that they're good at making instrumental movie music, where it's like, those songs, those were good. And they sound very dramatic for the final showdown, the final scene of a movie. But the Hans Zimmers and the John Williams,

it's just that much better. Or it's like, I don't know how or why. We've got But the Hans Zimmer's and the John Williams' is just that much better. I don't know how or why. We've got the next Hans Zimmer here. Huh? We've got the next Hans Zimmer here. Maybe. We don't know what scene those movies were. Those could have been for the opening of DC.

That first one felt like... That was good. I'm picturing the darkness and light coming into the shadows. That was... BONG! So, all darkness and light and coming into the shadows. That was bong! So, all right, we're well on our way. If you want to make a Whiskey Dick song, you want to make a very dramatic song, you want to make a rap song. I mean, that one beat was okay, but you've got to have some words about the show.

Not even much, but you've got to say something like KFC Radio. Yeah, if it was a TV show where you did an intro, an intro, we could just put goofy images on that. Yeah. That would be very cool. Well, we could have, like, a YouTube opener. Yeah. Watch it on YouTube and subscribe. We have one.

Oh, yeah, yeah, we do. I've actually seen it. Yeah, that one I know. Yeah, yeah. All right, Nick. What, you want your work respected and stuff? Jesus Christ. People respected.

Today's show is brought to you by Lightboxer, by the way. Johnny Lights. Johnny Lights out. You guys. They call him Johnny. They call him One Punch Johnny. I'm surprised that, I mean, this thing must be able to take a beating. It can.

Yeah. I've made sure of that. It can take a hit, for sure. John's been just beating the shit. John's, like, punching the sides of it. I've hit it so hard it went into my wall and put a hole in it. Yeah, so the wall broke. The wall broke.

The Lightboxer did not. So Lightboxer is a boxing machine that has a big stand. You stand on it, and then it's got six light-up pads that you punch. And two more falter cuts. On the bottom or something? Yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah, it's sick. I mean, this thing is really awesome.

It's like a toy. It's like a fun... It's like... If somebody got me a rowing machine, I'd be like, thank you. That's very expensive, and it's a good piece of equipment, and, like, I'll get exercise. But somebody gets you a light boxer, it's like, oh, this is cool. It is. Boxing is, hands down, the most fun workout you can get.

So they get a bunch of anger. And I've, like, gone to boxing gym before, and that's just, it's, like, super intimidating. Yeah, when you go to a gym, like, the guys at Mendez Boxing and, like, I know Eric Kelly wanted me to work out. I know it's a great workout. It's like, I'm just really not that interested in you guys like judging me for being really shitty at boxing. You know, like I need the beginners, beginners, beginners room or something. Or I could just do it alone at home with the light boxer where it turns into a little bit of a game.

It's like it's like Simon says where you got to like or the game Simon where you put, you know, you got to follow the patterns of the lights. So it lights up and you got to hit each one. And then it measures how hard and how fast you're punching and how accurate you are so all your stats get taken get recorded so you know if you're getting better or worse so it challenges yourself it keeps your statistics like you are like you know an athlete like a boxer and it is the best having like just someone just be like, OK, you can go another round. You can keep doing this. I'm like, fuck, yes, I can. Right, right.

It pushes you, right? Yeah. And you just fucking burn the calories. It is melting off you. I am feeling much better now than I did. I've probably been doing it for like two or three weeks. What do you think is more important, the physical part or the mental part? Physical.

Yeah? Yeah. Because I could see getting the violent aggression out uh being oh okay yes i see what you mean i meant i like i thought you meant like the the scorekeeping of it which is awesome and gets like but and even like the you know follow like go this way this is like there's like a little bit of a puzzle element but i'm talking about like you feel fucking sick and they're like one two two four six one two and i'm like that is cool i'm like all right i can hit that-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

That is cool. I'm like, all right, I can hit that. That's cool. I feel like I'm getting Mr. Miyagi kind of. Yeah, definitely. Like, I'm going to get in a fight one day and I'm just going to be like, oh, look who's fucking juking, jiving, ducking, bang, bang. John's going to be like in a bar fight and they're going to be like, you want to do this?

You want to do this? And John's going to be like, one, two, two, four, six, one. What'd you say? What'd you say? I said, one, two, two, four, six, five. What'd you say? What'd you say? I said, one, two, two, four, six, five. The guy's just on the floor. I'll be like fucking Spider-Man after he gets bit by a spider. I'll be looking at my hands and be like, I didn't even know I could do that.

It's just in my brain. Did you know, you probably might know this already, the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man. Do you know what I'm about to tell you? Nick knows. The scene where he catches all the food on the tray he did that oh i could do that no you couldn't yes i guess okay let's get a fucking tray i'm gonna throw a bunch of things okay how about this so when that came out there's no way you could do that i was working in a pizza shop there's no way i don't care what

you're about italian restaurant and it was John caught like one thing once. Nope. This was one of the coolest things I've ever done in my life. Yeah. Okay. And it's not the same. It's not the same. So I probably couldn't do that. But maybe I could.

I don't know. We'll see. It was someone knocked over a glass. Like one of those, you know, you see in pizza shops, like the red Coke cups. Yes. Yeah. Plastic. Those are great cups, though.

Yeah. Great cups. They carry a lot of ice. And someone knocked it over. And I grabbed it as it was like falling. And then I went, though. Yeah, great cups. Carry a lot of ice. And someone knocked it over, and I grabbed it as it was, like, falling. And then I went like this. Caught the ice? Under the table.

And caught, like, eight cubes of ice. And people were like, what the hell was that? And I was like, yeah, that was awesome. I was bit by a spider in a lab. I was like, I'm not even going to try and play that cool. That was awesome. So that's what I thought was interesting is, and I know you're acting, so you probably got to keep your cool. But it said it took him, like like 156 takes, you know?

Oh, I would be like, let's just CGI this guy. It's after five. That's what I'm saying. And again, actors, I know. So they're going to try to get the shot. But like Kirsten Dunst is just like, ooh, like she gets hugged because he hugs her and does it, you know? Yeah. And she keeps her cool.

And he's just like whoa you know i would be like it's like these kids when they do their tiktoks for a thousand shots in a row and they make it and they're like yes i did it i mean the the the joy you must feel when you finally got that i can't that must have been him wanting to do that because if the director was like all right like again again i'd be like no cgi this shit we're like four days i think there's another way to do it right or like just cut the fucking scene or like i catch one thing but he catches like the plate the sandwich the this to that the cup like everything it's wild 156 i'm like i i feel like that's not that many i think that would take me literally forever yeah

but i don't know i learned my lesson with with the marty mush challenges like i used to be like that's gonna take you like you never infinity and he took him like seven tries when he threw the pencil into the two liter bottle that was nuts so um anyway light boxer yeah uh light boxer go to lightboxer.com slash kfc and get $100 off your Lightboxer purchase. God bless you. Are you mad at yourself? Huh? My back just hurts so bad.

Look at this. Look at this. Oh, I can do that. He caught the bowl on top of the juice box. That's crazy. Are we sure? I don't know if I believe it. It sticks to like the...

Yeah, there's no way. Yeah, no, no way. I mean, I saw it on Reddit, but you know. The apple doesn't really roll around. By the way, I saw a fucking... Five minutes. I got to tell you something. Five minutes okay involving an apple um lightboxer.com slash kfc get a hundred dollars off your purchase uh it's you know it's a great fun workout machine so lightboxer.com slash kfc um

you will not okay i have i'm going to show you a challenge For light boxer Okay Get a light boxer And someone Show me you punching At a five out of five Because I've been trying To get a five out of five

Punch strength And I can only get Four out of five And I really want Five out of five And John can throw a punch And I like take I like taking a workout easy

So I don't get too tired Where I'm like Are you like Grow hopping And throwing it in I don't like grow hopping But I'm like. Are you like grow hopping and throwing it in? I don't like grow hopping, but I'm like, I'm punching as hard as I can. And I just want a five out of five. But what's the difference?

Like, if you like tap it, do you get a one? Like, what's the difference between like a four and a four and a half? You know what I mean? It doesn't. I've never seen a middle number. Oh, okay. So it's like one, two, three, four, five. So you're getting a lot of fours?

Exclusively fours. My first workout, I got a three out of five because I didn't know they were keeping track of it. So I saw at the end, I was like, oh, well, that's not happening anymore. So I just unload on it now, and I still haven't yet to get a five on it. John hangs up the phone after a conversation with his mom, and he just starts throwing fives. That's all you got to do is get Pauly wound up. Well, actually, that did happen the other day where Polly and I got in a bit of an argument. And it's not her idea.

It's just an idea that has been gnawing at me for a while. And she said it. Okay. And it was just like, someone's going to catch hands over this. Might as well be you. Might as well be my mother. I'm going to have to beat someone's face in. Might as well be mommy.

It was, she said, we were talking about, I don't know, like something like my diet or some shit like that. And she dropped the line on me. A lot of like, I don't know if it's vegans or influencers or whatever they are, use it where that unless your mother moves, you should not be drinking milk because humans are the only species that drink the milk of another animal. Will you like move for me, bitch? No, Kevin. I was like, do you realize we're the only species that do so many goddamn things? And maybe we're the smartest species.

And maybe just fucking take our advice for one time. Like, oh, no one else in nature does that. No one else in nature drives cars. No one else in fucking nature drinks beers. No one else in Nakers has a Snickers bar. There's so many things that we do that no other idiot animals can do. Stop. Why are we playing down to their level? No other animals talk.

Yeah, no other species fucking talk English. Yo, shit! We're the smart ones. Listen to us. We think milk's good. Milk's good. Oh, it's so dumb. It's like playing down to your competition. Maybe fucking monkeys should be drinking cow milk. We're the apex competitor, right? Apex animal, apex predator, whatever the fuck it is.

Right. You take advice from us. Hey, fucking rats, go start sucking cows' dicks, and then maybe you get fucking big like us and smart like us. That's what it's been. You're not wrong. I'm not wrong. But now I will say.

We're the only fucking species that watches movies. How about that? Right. Pretty good way to pass the time is to lay in a fucking field of grass. We're the only species that has like an alphabet, has numbers, that talk, that do math, that go on the computer, that. If you want to give me an argument that's not good for you, come with something other than.

Well, no. Humans are the only ones who do it. Yeah. I think the argument is who do it yeah i i think the argument is just that it's really fucking weird weird fine whatever it's also delicious i don't compare it to you know to like it's i mean it's i think about this all the time with everything like who was the first person to be like see that big bag hanging at the bottom of that cow with it's got those four dicks hanging out of the bottom.

I bet if I put a hole in it, some gummy juice would come out. And then let's drink that. That'll be good. Like, what the fuck? My dad used to drink milk straight from the cow when he was a kid. He was living in the sticks of Pennsylvania. Yeah, that's some badass shit. That's some illegal, gross shit.

That's raw milk. And he was like... Unpasteurized. That's a good shit. He was like, unpasteurized. That's a good shit. He's like, do you ever have, like, father, son, like, son, do you ever have some unpasteurized milk? I was like, no, dad. No.

And he's like, oh, yeah. You realize we live in the Bronx, right? Like, I've never even seen a cow, dude. Like, right now, I don't even know if cows exist. I'm just taking your word for it. I think there's cute cartoons on the side of a milk cart. Yeah, the only animal I know exists are the 30 stray cats that live on our block. While they're in cat milk.

That's all I know. Dude, we used to live Schofield Street on City Island in the Bronx. Not even kidding you. 250 stray cats on our block. Why? At least. All day and all night. You just...

Cat poop before bed? It was like Catwoman. It was like, yeah, when Catwoman's in the alley. Oh, I was doing Sunny. Oh, I was doing the actual Catwoman. I have 10,000 rats outside because I have 10,000 cats outside. You think you have the cats because of the cat food, Charlie? No, I have 10,000 cats because I have 10,000 rats outside. God, I miss Sunny.

It's got to be somewhat soon, though. I would think it's coming up. It's been like two years, right? Yeah. Usually there are a couple years in between. God, that's going to be great, like a new season of Sunny. We got to find out and do like another ramp up. We've been, you know, we've done like a big thing for every season.

Yeah, just tons of stray cats. God, that sound like haunts me. And they would fight because they were strays and shit. They would fuck too. Yeah, well, that's why there was 250 of them. But you would never see a kitten. They'd eat them. Yeah, probably.

You know when everyone always says, like, where are the baby pigeons? It's like, they're probably in the nest, you know? But the cats, like, where are they? Down in the sewer or wherever the fuck they live? Some homeless guy's blanket. Cat house, yeah the fuck they live? Some homeless guy's blanket. Cat house, yeah. Pissing on some homeless guy's blanket. But it is, yes, like the first person to drink milk really.

Oh, my dad used to go, yeah, we'd scoop the top, the cream off the top. You know, cream rises to the top. Like, that's what they're talking about. I was like, ugh. Give me the cold, pasteurized. I'm going to scoop the solids out of my milk. Yeah, it's like, you know like that's what they're talking about i was like give me the cold yeah it's like you know what that's called like that's like sour milk dude get the fuck out of here um i what five minutes i i just saw a girl put an apple in her ass all the other day and it was just it was fucking insanity and it was in the title. Fuck a segue.

It was in the title, so I knew exactly what I was getting into. But she put a fucking apple in her ass and then put the dildo in. Just was ramming the apple in even further. Did she get it out? Yep. It was a struggle, but it got out. It got out. It got out.

Not easily, John. Did I come? Yes. Dude, Tom Segura was on Rogan this past week. He was talking. It's so gross, but it was so funny. Tom Segura says that when he comes minimum 12 shots upwards of sometimes 17

and he said his whole life growing up and the way that Tom says this is just like he has that same cadence that he does he was just like every girl I hooked up with in my entire life was always like dude it's so much cum it it's so much cum.

It's just so much cum. He said growing up that his friends would be like, yeah, man. So I grabbed a sock for cleanup. He's like, a sock? I need towels, man. He's like, a sock? I need, like, towels, man. He's like, it's everywhere. If you're using a beach towel to clean up cum, you got to see a doctor. I don't think I would jerk off.

I think I would have to exclusively jerk off, like, in the shower, into the toilet. Like, it would never be a dry run, like, in a. So, like, Tom's never jerked off on a toilet before. Like, he's never been sitting on a toilet jerking off because he painted the walls yeah well you would have to point it down and then it would like fill a bowl and fill up i mean because you know it started it started off of uh joe rogan was talking about the donkey cum x factor uh fear factor episode and tom didn't know about it he was like you guys are talking about drinking cum and then and and they pulled it up and and rogan was like look how much cum talking about drinking cum? And they pulled it up and Rogan was like, look how much cum that is.

He's like, it looks like one of my loaves. And Joe was like, what? And he said something like, you know my, he's like, you know the pulsating? You know like the gyrations? Or he uses a word like that. Like, yeah, I do like at least like 12 of those. What is this, Nick?

This is from his ATI? Yeah, he like, Nick? Is this from his ATI? Yeah. He alluded to this. If he fucked a dog, I'd be like, yeah, we all got our thing. Would you rather every time you cum, it comes out of your mouth, or it's two liter bottles worth? I got to tell you, I already do about two liters. I thought he was joking.

I cum buckets. It is absolutely revolting and exciting to whoever's on the other side. It's not an impressive piece of equipment, but if you want to see a lot of jizz. Any interns? First of all, great memory by you, Nick. Second of all, that was a time i thought that was a comic just yeah i've never heard anybody say i come bucket that one's stuck in the brain i mean that is one of those things it's a good ati question kind of like you know you grow up watching peter north

and you grow up watching these guys who just fucking sling it and i'm always like that's pretty cool but it's like would you would you want that you know would you it's so weird i'm weird dude just like the male yeah okay i was gonna say don't you fucking single me out yeah that's a cool amount of cum that guy's shooting yes i mean how gay is everybody how gay is absolutely every dude you know it's it's it's a running joke but it's you know everybody wants a big cock in their porn, and I want a lot of cum. I better see that dick just shooting cum. I mean, it's disgusting, but at the same, I wish that I could have that, I would say, one out of every, like, five times. Because I do think it's cool.

I just like to have, like, a NOS button. Like, yeah. Like, in my car like yeah like all right this is right this is the big shot here like yeah like in like you know like in that what's that what's that competition show like uh people are like yeah there is a button it's inside What a cruel joke. What a cruel joke God has played on us. God was like, I'm going to make man, right? And I'm going to make him all sorts of insecure.

We're going to make him have all sorts of masculinity issues. And then about 2000, I don't know how many thousand, We're going to make him all sorts of insecure. We're going to make him have all sorts of masculinity issues. And then about 2000, I don't know, how many thousand, I don't know, whenever the fucking garden meeting was supposed to start. 5,000 years later, we're going to let them get sexually advanced enough and we're going to tell them, we're going to teach them that they got to put shit in their ass in order to really come. And then I feel like the Joker, like, here we go. He just came down one day and was like, let's tell them that the G-spot's in their asshole and really watch them go nuts.

I mean, how funny is that to think that the truly straightest thing you can do these days to come is, you know, put stuff in your butt? D, what makes you think? Oh, boy. I'm still the Nas button thing. And, like, you got a girl. She's on her knees, and she's, like, she's got, like, weight in there. You know, that awkward face where you're just like,

all right, one of us has really got to do something here. Yeah. Even when that happens in where you're just like, all right, one of us has got to do something here. Yeah. Even when that happens in porn, I'm like, you can cut some of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he's jerking off. I just watched the guy jerk off on top of a girl for three minutes right now. Yeah, yeah. When she's like, yeah, baby, yeah.

It's like she's getting tired. She needs a breath. Her tongue's drying out. It's like somebody fucking come here. Yeah, yeah. Like if you fucking start here. Yeah. Yeah. Like, if you fucking start reaching back. Hang on. And then she's like Ja Rule of Fast and Furious.

Where he's like, Monica, no! After the knots button gets pushed. No, Monica! I'm trying to think how he says it The NOS button is in your ass That is like There's a car goes fucking screwing by him. The face he does too is like, no!

It's too much cum. That's, yeah, that you want to have. So, yeah, if you could have a button, you know, I mean, you do, like you said. But if you could just, you know, you've ever had like a session that's fucking you you know great and then the you know the grand finale is like yeah and it's just like wow that didn't live up to me you know i wish i could push like like the the golden button in that show you know i'm talking about when there's a really good performance on like the yeah all the fucking things come from the ceiling you hit the golden button boom great performance by me i'm coming everywhere all over the apples everything

where are we at on this show um five minutes yeah where where where were we before i did apple talk oh your mom so you hate your mom i Oh, so yeah, I was saying like, the way we drink milk, the way we make coffee, that always has driven me crazy. The coffee drives me crazy. And we just like found this bean, we ground it up,

then we poured hot water in it and strained it through paper to drink. What? Madness. Everyone's so much smarter than me. How about the people who... Actually, I think it was all just invented by dumb people. I think it was all invented by accident.

I think these things happen by accident somehow. Like the first person to smoke, I would say, who grabbed this leaf and rolled it up and sucked on it while it was on fire? And I think that's just because at some point a weed plant got set on fire, someone breathed it in and was like, whoa. We have to figure out a way to do this, you know? But the idea of like, let me roll it up, get the fire, someone breathed it in and was like, whoa, we have to figure out a way to like do this, you know? But the idea of like, let me roll it up, get the fire and suck on it. Crazy town.

Everyone is either so much smarter or so much luckier than us. I'd say dumber. I think it's just dumb luck. Yeah. There's no way that happens on purpose. Yeah. I mean, some of the things are. There's still so many plants in the world that like people could be doing things with,

but we just don't. Think about it. What if there was another weed out there? What if there was a plant that gives you a different type of high? It's like, we found mushrooms, we found weed. I don't know, the cocaine plant? Does coke come from plants? Coke comes from a plant, yeah.

What is it, a leaf that you just ground up? Yeah, and then they put a lot of other shit in it. Amphetamines and fentanyl and gasoline in it and things like that. How does it turn into a powder? Just grind up that much? It's like turn into almost like a paste. And then they let the paste sit in the sun and dry. And then they kind of beat that up.

No, I did watch someone make pasta or something the other day, though. Well, those are two different things. It was like tomato sauce. It was like they were making tomato sauce, like tomato paste. And they were doing it like they just weren't doing the last step of the cocaine part. Interesting. Crushed it into the powder. But yeah, I think, I mean, from movies I've seen, I've never made cocaine.

From movies I've seen, they almost have like saran wrap on a picnic table. They kind of just like smear it out there in the sun. And then once it dries, they fucking beat it. I think is how it goes. I don't know. Cool. Some cool shit. Well, and even sex when you think about it.

Like the first person to, you know, I've always said, what do you think came first? The blowjob or anal sex? Anal. Accidentally, but anal. Right, that's what I was thinking, right? Actually, not accidentally because I bet the first people to ever fuck was a guy fucking a guy. No.

No, because there's something instinctual about like me. Well, then why were the Greeks doing it? Well, that wouldn't make any sense. at all not because they're people before them yeah uh i think the first people to fuck were they were in god kevin i think the first people to fuck were were breeding i think the greeks were the first people to like throw fucking parties yeah parties like everyone else was just like we got to have sex to have kids and shit like that and there was don't get me wrong i, I think the Egyptians were getting kinky.

And I think they come before the Greeks. True. But I will bet the Egyptians invented BDSM. Yeah, I could see that. Like, you know, in a pyramid, you're like. In the mummy, they seem to like to tie people up. Yeah, a lot of strapping down and whipping and shit like that. I could see all that. I think that, you know, the first people were like breeding, and for some reason. I don't think, I don think that the first people were breeding, and for some reason...

I don't think only one person was... I don't think their safe word was respected. Yeah. No, it was not consensual. It was a non-consensual BDSM. It's called rape. Yeah, I know. I was avoiding it.

I feel like we all understood what word we were going for. I think I've Googled... They invented sadism okay the the masochism part of it didn't come till later when someone's like well if you did it a little less hard it's actually pretty good yeah just pull it back a little bit really trying to beat the shit out of me like there's parts i could get down with here i i think when i googled like like how do people first have sex And they all say It was from watching animals Like you were They were alive

And they would watch animals do that And they were like Alright I'm gonna do that too But I wonder if there was Something innate Where it's just like I'm gonna put my dick In that pussy

Like I just know to do that And then from there I feel like You know The asshole's just so close Yeah I was like let me try there But then

But like who Then I think I tried I definitely Googled this before. I never remember it. The first blowjob. When was that? When people come to my apartment, they stop by a liquor store first. It's right there.

Yeah. It's not the same thing. Yes. Yes. The first history of oral sex to the modern. Yeah. So this is what's crazy. And I've read this before.

And I just can't so this is what's crazy and i've read this before and i just can't believe this is true oral sex was not popularized until give me the date give me like uh you know not the date like the year i don't even have a century kevin i'm gonna say 1947 I'm impressed that you're, it's the 1970s. I was going to say 60s. I was going to say like the year 1000. You're telling me that there just wasn't people sucking dick way back when? Well, it's Jackie. The, uh, I think.

I don't, like the Greeks were not sucking dick. Yes, they were. The Greeks were getting face fuckedfucked, no doubt. There's those – I feel like they're floating around the internet. There's these statues. Joey tweets it all the time. Yeah, yeah. It's like statues with water shooting out of them and stuff.

And there's one of a guy's head and a dick going in his mouth. Like you watch on porn. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The head's over the couch. It's his own dick though. going in his mouth. Like you watch on porn. Oh yeah. Heads over the couch. His own dick though. Sure. But whatever. Either way.

I think that putting dicks in mouths, you're telling me in the sixties, no one was sucking dick. I think the difference there is like, we weren't talking about it. So that's what popularized me. I think I was like pop culture. Like people were like, all right, yeah, we suck dick. Oh, I mean, all right. I guess that's, if you're talking about literally popularized, meaning we're not talking about it in pop culture.

But I think if no one was talking about something, you can't really know if it was popularized. Right? Like if no one, it's only like shady back rooms. We're like, oh, only my fucked up friends do this. Yeah. Like if there weren't fucking people talking about it on podcasts until the 1970s, then, you know. But yeah, that is what I mean. In the year 79 AD, there were pictures of people doing a rock.

Yeah. I mean, look at these caves. People getting fucking absolutely railed in the face. That's a threesome right there in the middle. That's like a human centipede type thing over there. Down one. There you go. Yeah. I think that's a suction cup dildo stuck to the wall yeah those are cool i'll click on those

i'm almost i'm almost i'm almost waiting for these uh little thumbnails to animate like on when you put the mouse up anyway but so i i thought I think there's actually Some truth to also The French Like were sucking dick And getting down More so than

Like anybody Oh there's 100% I saw a They used in Boardwalk Empire They talked about that The French Yeah of course

It was something In Boardwalk Empire I think it was like Do It was on like Paint Me Like Your French Girls It was like Do what the French girls do From like World War. It was like, do what the French girls do from World War I.

Whatever. Slow jobs? Yeah. Do what the French girls do. I saw actually a BuzzFeed list today. It says 11 ways sex in Europe is different than in the United States. Oh, Johnny history lesson. Yeah.

And I could click this, no problem. I almost resent BuzzFeed, so I won't click things. I saw this, I was like, well, I'm clicking this. Yeah, well, sometimes BuzzFeed finds a nut. Yeah. It's brought to you by SA Company, where they provide the best protective gear you need to brave the elements and explore more and more every day.

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It's no secret that the United States has a weird relationship with sex. Have you heard this? What's that? The United States has a weird relationship with sex. Yeah. The media is seemingly obsessed with sex and nudity, yet a large portion of the country preaches a very conservative approach towards sexuality. We are very confusing. Europe, on the other hand, is way less uptight about sex.

This was highlighted by a Reddit thread where user IrishMuffDragon asked Europeans to share some sexual normities in their country. You know what? I'll just say real quick. Are we weird and uptight while fetishizing sex and all that? Yeah. Are we running around with IrishMuffDragon titles? No. We're running around with pretty much worse ones. We're like school shooters, 469.

Yeah, I was going to say communist cum daddy 69. Oh, man. Okay, one. From my experience growing up in Sweden, when I was younger, it was more normal for guys to go down on girls than girls to go down on guys. Some of my exes and friends that I knew only tried a little bit and not often until completion. That's interesting because that's for sure the opposite here. It's definitely the opposite here.

It's getting better, I feel like. I think it's become more 50-50. I don't think it'll ever be. I think I used to eat more pussy than my dick sucked. That doesn't surprise me. that doesn't surprise me that doesn't surprise me i think i think i was like like i like 16 being like i'll fucking eat you out in the backseat well there's two things going on there that's that's uh i think that's you being like like i i know like i'll i feel like going down on a chick is like an ace up your sleeve or it's like a secret weapon or like a last resort sort of thing. It's like if your dick can't get hard or you don't know what you're doing or things aren't going well, I'll just bury my head in there and do a good job.

You know what I mean? So I feel like it's a fail safe. It's like when all else goes wrong, you can go down on her and you know that she'll be happy. Yeah, I mean I agree with everything you're saying. But I win the whole shot. I'm like the rabbit. I don't know. What are with everything you're saying, but I win the whole shot. I don't care. I'm like the rabbit. I don't know.

What are these things you're saying to me? You win the whole shot. I'm the rabbit. A whole shot is the start of a race. Okay. So I want to be the guy in front. So I'll be like in the rabbit. I'm talking about the rabbit versus the hare versus the turtle.

Okay. Whereas like I sprinted ahead. Okay. So I'm going down on you. I come out guns fucking blazing. You're going to get my fucking tongue in your lower intestine starting fucking five minutes in. Okay. Fair.

And then after that, whatever happens, happens. Because I already know, like, things are good already. Okay. I definitely feel like. Then I'm playing with house money. That's what I do. Okay. That's definitely what I do. Where it's like, now I can last long.

I can last short you might come you might not come I might not get hard but whatever like you could have the best performance of the worst performance ever but you're good you want to take the anxiety out of sex fucking be a swede go down on that puss first put that on the quote of the day calendar for 2022 please be a swede that's why fucking amy teagarden fucking julie taylor wanted the swede so bad she she read this thread from irish muff dragon by the way we just hit four o'clock too i think there's something totally about like that's like when you you know when you want to get all your work done and your chores done and then you sit down to watch a movie or whatever.

You're like, I'm done for the day. That's eating a chick out. Yeah. All right. Now I can finally get my dick wet. Yes. And it's like, you know, I'm going to fold you up like a pretzel and do all sorts of wacky shit that's not even enjoyable for you. But you already came.

So, you know, no complaints. All right. Number two. Imagine if that worked the same way on the reverse. If it's like, all you, but you already came, so no complaints. All right, number two. Imagine if that worked the same way on the reverse. If it's like, all right, a guy already came. Now I can do what I want. And I'd just be like, I'm twisted in a – I can't even touch my knees. And I'd be like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

That's what sex is for a lot of chicks. Where it's like, yo, so you're just going to bend me in ways I don't bend while you sweat on top of me? I have a better idea. Throw me off the roof. This sucks. Here, how about you just kick me in the head instead? Can you touch your elbows? Can I touch my elbows?

No, no, elbows together. Yeah! I just, this is totally unrelated uh uh i was watching a tank sinatra video and and someone commented can you touch your elbows together and he was like absolutely not and so i was just dying laughing and i and i i commented on that we were we were texting and he was like bro i can't he's like i can barely wash my face he's like i can barely reach he's like touch I can barely wash my face. He's like, I can barely reach. He's like, touch my elbows. And then I, so I, you know, I can, I have no problem. I have no muscle.

I have no, nothing's stopping me. So he was like, he got to like here and his elbows were like. He was like. Like. Continue, sir. The hinges on the door being pulled the wrong way. Having sex with your significant other as a high schooler in your house with your parents home and your parents were just cool with it. That happens in Europe?

Apparently. I believe that because my first girlfriend, that international slutty girl, her parents and the whole family was Scottish and international. And we used to fuck all the time in her house. Yeah. There was no – she was a couple years older. So that was in play as well. But we were still young and in high school, like freshman, sophomore, junior, sophomore sort of shit. And there was no curfew of any sort. And we would just go down in her room and just, like, fuck.

We weren't, like, moaning and screaming and shit. But it was, like, very obvious what was going on. And I remember, like, it started to kind of, like, it just kind of became common. So, like, we would be at my house and we'd be, like, laying on the couch. And we'd kind of be, like, spooning and, like, touching or whatever. Nothing couch, and we'd kind of be spooning and touching or whatever. Nothing sexual, but just touching each other. And I remember my mom, my grandma was over the house once, and my mom was like, clean it the fuck up. I was like, sorry, my girlfriend's parents love us fuckers.

I don't know what to tell you. This sounds like absolute hell. I'm thinking about when you were playing over at your friend's house, and you're in the backyard playing basketball or football or whatever, and you come in, and their parents are like, ooh, looks like you're having fun out there. And I'm like, oh, my God, they saw me strike out. What the fuck? This is so embarrassing.

And I come up from the basement, and they're like, ooh, so you had a good time. I'm like, her dad knows I don't even fuck her right. Jesus Christ. Not only do they know that we have sex to be i'm not doing it right either i can't even throw it out yeah her dad knows i ate her pussy just so i could fucking just like a little bit because you know i don't do it that's the problem it would lie with me and then guess what i'd never fucking again bro you have so many issues. It's crazy. Oh, do I, Kevin? I mean, I'm not saying I wouldn't either, but I definitely have never worried that my friends' parents saw me strike out playing in the backyard. I mean, like, I'd be like, it sounds like you're saying that condescendingly.

Cheryl, why? When I'm not competitive enough? Yeah. Oh, well, your son struck me out. You're fucking proud of that? Big fucking deal. What's the problem with it? And yeah, I'm sure she was just saying, like, looked like you guys are having fun.

But I took it as her subtly belittling me because her son struck me out. Next up. In the U.S., nudity seems to be always seen as sexual, while in Europe it depends on the context. A mixed-gender sauna without clothes is common and non-sexual in many European countries. I mean, that one I think is weird. I think I'm okay with that. That one we are right. Yeah.

Because a naked body is sexual. Well, that's what they're saying is that that's not true. But what I'm saying is what they're saying is not true. Yeah. We're in a not true off. I'm going to fucking get the last word on it. I see what they're saying, but it's just like, I guess it would be better if it wasn't. Like, I don't know.

I don't know. I see both sides of it. I'd probably be a lot less horny. Well, that's like any time I see. If I see a naked, if you're walking around and you're naked with your dick hard, then it's a sexual thing. If you're just walking around not, you know, I think the point is that you should be. Dude, an unloaded gun is still a fucking weapon. True.

Facts. You know what's weird for girls is there's no, you know, there's no, you know, a naked. I can't tell, you know, there's no there's a warning sign for a girl. It's like you see a hard dick, you know, run for the hills. Thompson girl is going to come buckets on you. The girl, you know, there's no change. She has you squirt on you at any moment. Because of poor insulation and design in England, it is normal to hear your neighbors have sex.

Well, yes. I mean, that's New York. New York. Yeah. New York. Get over yourself, England. We hear each other fuck here, too, right? Yeah.

I mean, I guess maybe in fucking Omaha, they don't hear each other fuck here too, right? Yeah, I mean, I guess maybe in fucking Omaha they don't hear each other fuck, but we're a little different here. In France, people who have sex together don't necessarily need to label every kind of physical romantic relationship. You can be friends with someone and have romantic moments and go back to being platonic. I think we're kind of there. Well, I have a question for you so i was talking to this girl and we were talking about um like hookup culture if you will and how like uh she was kind of saying that like late 20s generation it is like oh how did this start this started with uh basically the idea that the fuck boy is like a new thing and i was like maybe the label is but there have been fuckboys forever

and she was saying yes but that everything it's like there's more of them and it's it's more now than ever between dating apps and social media and ghosting and like uh the frequency and like and like and then we were talking about like hookup hookup culture huh who you talk about this girl i was talking to. Oh, okay. It was like that's always been going on, but because of technology with the phones and the apps and the sites and shit, it's encouraging more. Like there's less relationships. I think the generation after, I think Gen Z is the young one, something like that, is more monogamous.

Really? Our parents were in the middle because everybody was just fucking and nobody would label it. Everyone was afraid of relationships. Everybody was ghosting. Everybody was just hooking up. And I didn't know about it. I'm like, what do I

know? She was talking about her generation, her people, so I was like, you would know better than me. But I feel like that's one of those things where it's like it's like the news now. Like the world's so terrible. It's like, no, you just see the news every day. Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to say. So I think that guys have been like fucking girls and ditching them. And people haven't been putting labels on it.

And they've been, you know, no strings attached, trying to, you know, all that shit. You up texts and shit forever. But it just wasn't like as obvious or known but then i was also thinking that maybe the like iphones and shit did enable it more where you are able to like 3 a.m your night's over where it's like you can call the like the landline but you are able to be like you up come on over and smash right or you are able to hop on you know craigslist in the beginning and now through dating apps and shit. So I was wondering if it's real or just we know about it more.

I would think we know about it more. And then they're publicly shamed more and made to go viral and that kind of shit. I would think – Yeah, like the accountant dude's down bad or rape dogs and all these things where it's so much more in our face. But guys in like the 50s were like, you know, you want to go study, and then they would smash you at, like, the lookout point and then leave you, you know, ditch you the next day. They wouldn't talk to you in school anymore.

Right, right. There's nothing you could do. I would think. But it's interesting whether it's actually happening more or just we know about it more. It is weird that you said, like, Gen Zs are now more monogamous. I don't know if that's true. In Dubai, these are things that, you know.

Yeah, you heard one time. The study says or whatever. But, like, it is weird when you think you think about like the butterfly effect of stuff like even reading this list like puritans moved here in i don't know what year to be honest the 1700s we'll call it right sure yeah and uh and then like they set in motion like laws and religious restrictions that then hundreds of years later, I mean, like, it's weird to see like a nipple. Yeah. Yeah. That isn't in your mouth. Right. Right. It's like that's that. And like then the butterfly effect, what they think of that is like like gen z saw us for 15 years on the internet and be like those this is weird they just fuck everyone yeah they're mean and rude to each other

and they hate each other and they're none of them are happy yes so i'm gonna have a girlfriend i'm gonna date this boy and be like nice and happy it's like i always think like little things where i'm like there's no way that's actually going to matter ever. And then like. All of a sudden. It does matter. Like the puritanical restrictions that founded this country literally still have an effect on this stuff right now. Right. So like, and that's hundreds of years later. So just maybe like a little law right now, like that's going to matter big in 10 years, whatever.

And like that sucks. And that's why, you know, you got to trust that we're making the right rules and shit. Public sex. number one. What number are we on right now? We're on six. Second half of Johnny history here is brought to you by SimpliSafe. So whether you're trying to protect your husband or wife or it's just your hookup late at night or, you know, when you got a family, a house full of people or belongings or anything of

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Public sex is a very normal thing here in the UK. Look up dogging. It's a massive thing nowadays. Dogging. I know this. Dogging. The practice of carrying out or watching sexual activities in semi-secluded locations, such as parks or car parks,

often arranged by email or text messages. Yeah, I've seen that before. You want to go fucking dog in the park? Yeah, that's a good idea. I mean, that's like... It's just like voyeurism and public sex and stuff like that. Yeah, but, like, I think that's weird to be like... Oh, yeah, don't get me wrong.

Like, do you want to go fuck in the park? I've fucked in parks before, but to set it up is weird. Yeah, the whole point of it is spontaneity. Yeah, that's the whole part of it. You're like, wow, I can't control myself right now. Yeah. You know, one time I had a buddy who he was on and off again with this girl forever. And then he had dated a different girl, and she once gave him a watch.

And then they were, then the the ex like he was getting back with the ex and um they were fighting and everything and he took off the watch he was like i don't give a fuck and he like threw it over these train tracks and she blew him on the spot like that was so hot you just like got rid of that shit from that girl i hate uh but that was yes that's the kind of shit you just do it on uh but to be like meet me in the park i'm gonna fuck you is the car park but i was, that's the kind of shit you just do it on. But to be like, meet me in the park, I'm going to fuck you.

Is the car park. But I guess, but that's the thing. I guess the thing is that we are like, oh my God, because then someone would see you naked and having sex.

I don't give a shit about someone seeing me. These Europeans are like, it's okay. My friend's mom. But the, I don't want to get arrested for a nut.

I think the whole point is that like, you know, it shouldn't be. It should be arrest worthy. I think the whole point is that, like, you know, it shouldn't be. It should be arrest worthy, I think. Have sex in a park? Maybe not arrest. Citation, at the minimum.

You shouldn't be fucking in public places. I'm with you, but I do believe. I've made a Bruins game. Fucking Marjan scores a nice goal. I can just start fucking dogging there. No, of course not. But if you go to, like, if it was, like, otherwise empty or some shit, you know, late at night, you're like at a park. It's empty.

You're laying on like a blanket and you're having sex with your girl. Should you get like arrested for that? I don't think arrested. Yeah, I guess like the night thing. It's like, come on, officer. I was, you know, we even do not hear your pervert. But you should be arrested for looking at us. All right. let's see.

We'll go through. The next ones are pretty quick, I think. I don't get why the U.S. is scared of nudity. It's almost like stereotypical Victorian era. Meanwhile, my boyfriend and I, not to mention our roommates, hang out naked whenever we can. See, that's weird. That's bizarre, you European freak. Like, bro, I don't hang out naked by myself because I can see my own body.

Okay? I don't want to fucking. You want to know what's a mood killer and a vibe killer? A mirror? My naked body. Yeah. Like, everyone's having a good time, smoking some weed, drinking. People are, like, having fun.

Everyone else is sexy. And then you walk in, you're like, so, guys, what are we watching tonight? They're like, you and your fucking disgusting skinny fat body. Dude, I'll be like, sometimes if I get out of the shower and I, like, I usually have, like, TV on. And I'll get out of the shower and I'll get dry. And sometimes I'll just be tired. And I'll be like, you know what? I'm laying back down.

Yeah. And I'll be laughing at a show. And I'll look down. And I'll look down. And I'll be like, well, nothing's funny anymore. It's like, ha, ha, ha. This doesn't. Oh, it's moving. It's like, you know what, I'm laying back down. And I'll be laughing at a show. And I'll look down and I'll be like, well, nothing's funny anymore. It's not like, yeah, that, but also just seeing it. I could not be laughing. And it will ruin the comedy I'm watching. Just knowing what my own grotesque body looks like.

I'm with you, man. I don't want anyone to see me. If you want to sit around naked around me, that's fine. No, I'm heavily judging you. Not the idea that you'll be there naked. Just what I'm seeing naked. I'll be thinking like, boy, that is a fucking fat pussy. Can you believe that people have sex with you?

Can you believe that people have sex with you? Can I believe people have sex with me? Yeah. It's not that deep. I guess I can. I guess I can I guess I can You can? Yeah

Like Over six feet tall Kevin I know There's literally one rule in the world now And I fit that one I'll pose this question to you I had it I did it with Shane Gillis

It'll be on the Kevin Clancy show next week Would you rather be Six foot three And you have a claw A fucking deformed hand that's like this, like a monkey paw. Small,

smaller than usual. It's permanently like this. It's useless and it's rather scary like a monkey paw. Or you're five foot five. Six three. Yeah.

I'll just cut it off. Like no... Which is another question. I'd probably rather have one arm than have a... One hand. I'll just cut it off. Like no... Which is another question. I'd probably rather have one arm than have one hand. I'll just cut it off. I'll get like a fucking cool hand. Well, I'm not going to let you do that. You're not going to let me do that.

I'll let you have a hook. Okay. But you can't have like just a functioning robot hand. That's cool. If you could tell me I could get robot hands, I'd cut both my hands off now. I'd be like fucking Will Smith and I robot. But the fact that no hesitation no questions asked five five uh uh five five small five would you rather be five six no because i'm much bigger five seven

we're talking we're on like the five eight to ten range no no five seven five seven is kind of like the i think that's actually like kind of an average thing or whatever there's a five seven is a number that floats around. Who's 5'7? Dave. You were 5'7? Yeah. Oh, I was going 5'7 then. Yeah. Hell yeah. You're better than a monkey paw.

But like one inch shorter than Zach, you're like, give me a monkey paw. Isn't it funny? 5'7", no doubt. This much less than 5'7", give me a deformity. I don't know. Now that I'm thinking about it, I might be back to 5'. Does that mean, like, Spider is 5'5"? Yeah. I love Spider.

Spider's a short king. Yeah. But, like, Spider, God bless him, if he wasn't a barstool and all, like, I don't know, if Spider just, like, came out of Fordham and was going to be one of those pussy-posse guys from Fordham. I feel like Spider-Man really found himself and became confident and popular and funny and all that. Oh, I think Spider-Man was always like that. Yeah? Yeah.

I hope so. But I think a lot of people, because of this, you're like, I'm 5'5 and this sucks. And you don't even get the confidence that you need to overcome. It's a vicious cycle. You know what I mean? But, I mean, the fact that it's just like – you even could be cool, confident, popular, whatever, but there are certain people who just won't even look your way, won't even click on your profile, won't even swipe on you.

You are just out. I think that's more of a meme than anything in reality. I don't think so at all. Really? I don't think so at all. I think that's one of the most realistic things in the world. There are girls who just won't even consider you if you're absolutely yeah you're probably so real you're

probably right and they'll be like yeah give me the guy with the monkey paw all right um uncircumcised penises yeah we know that yeah you got well but guess what oh my god we're the normal ones i had such a weird session the other day on the computer session huhession, huh? Yeah. This girl was, like, chewing on it. Oh, yeah, it's the worst. And he held it, like, open. Yep. And she, like,

kind of, like... Like tongue twirled? Yeah. Yeah, it's bizarre. We talked about this when you said... But you know what's funny? Manuel is your number one

porn star of all time. Who? Yeah, Manuel. Yeah, like I said. Yeah, I've never seen him. I've said Manuel's got a girthy dick on him, but it's fucking really, really disturbing to watch people bite his foreskin.

I haven't seen that. It is funny that I'd be like, oh, my God, you swirled your tongue around it. That's absolutely vile. But I'll lick your ass off. Whatever, man. You can legally have sex at 15 in Denmark, And as long as the age difference isn't enormous It's accepted You're wrong

I don't know why in America We think everywhere is 18 Nowhere is 18 I'm going to google this again I want the government to know It's for a podcast There are certain things You can even make the

argument for drinking where it's like younger kids drink wine at dinner and they and they get to know alcohol and they get better with it and so they drink more properly like i think that you start sexualizing kids and teaching them young shit and letting them do shit at a young age i don't think it works that way i think it just is weird in almost every so i don't know if they're giving exact things okay so yeah in like in all let's see there are one two three four five six seven eight nine ten there are 11 states in the union with the age of consent being 18 or above so like we just think everybody's 18. But you know what is weird? The thing about getting parental consent is nobody these days is like,

hey, mom, I have a boyfriend who's 18. I want to fuck him. Can you sign off on these papers? So it's like, yeah, legally there's one thing, but also just practically there's another. I'm trying to see. It's 16 in most places, also with close in age exceptions. Yeah. It's terrible. But I, also with close in age exceptions. Yeah. It's terrible.

But there is no 15. But I'm not with Denmark on that one. There are no 15s. They all start at 16. I thought there might have been a 15 or two. Excuse me. Last two we got. No, I'm sorry.

Last one. You can change into your bikini without a towel at the public beach and no one will die. Yeah, we kind of just touched on that, too, with the Puritans. Sorry. Also, if I see a nipple, I'm not going to die. I'm just going to see it. But also, that's not even necessarily sex shame. That's more like body shaming. You've

got to be hot if you want to do that. Even just fucking straight up wearing a bikini. God, it sucks to be a girl. It sucks to be a guy too, though. I don't want to take my shirt off anymore. You know what we should do? We should go back to those olden days where you wear like the the one piece t-shirt into the shorts bathing suit that are like like black and white stripes i'm gonna start wearing the three stooges bathing suits you know what i'm talking about

like the black and yeah let's do that for the summer we're gonna get some of those nick remind me to buy some of those off amazon uh let's do some a quick m of the asshole and then our voicemails m of the asshole today is brought to you by... No, never mind. We'll just do... Yeah, okay. M.I. the Asshole today is brought to you by Truff. Yeah, there we go.

Let's buy those men's... How much is that? 54 bucks from the historical emporium? Done. Yeah! Those are goddamn prison suits. Is that a one-piece or a short and... I would like it to be a one-piece, but I will wear those.

Everyone's like, let's get our two-and-a-half-inch inseams for the summer. Fuck you. I'm wearing the Three Stooges onesie. Yeah, look at that. A fun shack. An old-timey bathing suit. Get me a Victorian swimsuit. That kind of shit, you jump in the pool with that, you drown.

You got tons of fabric that's just weighing you down. costume i don't want to cost them i want the real bathing suit yeah i want it to look like that but i want to be the bathing suit trough trough is the is the uh the luxury hot sauce brand that has taken over the internet and that's going to take over your meals every meal you eat now uh can be enhanced with a little bit of truff. Truff hot sauce. It's truffle infused. And you know truffles. High society.

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Am I the asshole today? We'll rattle through a couple of them real quick. We'll begin with, Am I the asshole for threatening to kick out my sister-in-law after she became vegan? I know this title. I'm 32 female, currently divorcing my soon-to-law after she became vegan. I know this. I'm 32 female, currently divorcing my soon-to-be ex-husband, 38. Even though we're not together anymore, I'm still very close with his sister, 27 female. Boy, that's a whole other fucking thing. I think you're an asshole for that.

That's a big bag of nightmare. We're going to call her A, the sister. A lost her job during the pandemic and couldn't pay rent anymore, so I let her move in with me since I have a pretty big house i mean that is weird your ex-husband moved out his sister slides in this is jacked up i don't want any money for it but since she's staying at my house 24 7 i am looking and i'm working a 50 hour job we made an agreement that she makes food for the two of us it all worked perfectly until two days ago she said she wants to go vegan and won't cook meat anymore now hear me out i regularly have to lift heavy objects at my job got a 32 year old female is

lifting heavy objects so i need my meat to stay in shape i also also this is my house and i don't want to be forced into a diet i started shouting at her and said she can pack her things and get the fuck out she started crying and called me a psycho. Yesterday, her parents called me and told me I was too harsh with her and that I'm the asshole. This is lunacy. Wait, so she moved into her house and said she was not allowed to have her own meat in there anymore? She moved in, said, you don't have to pay me rent.

Just cook for both of us. She said, okay. Then she's like, by the way, now I'm going vegan. I'm no longer cooking meat i'll just be cooking vegan if that's basically your form of of rent in an agreed upon living situation you can't just you can't go vegan no you gotta cook meat over here i mean they're definitely fucking insanity the the parents of your ex-husband is calling you to say you're being too mean to my daughter the sister of your ex-husband is calling you to say you're being too mean to my daughter, the sister of your ex-husband, because you want to kick her out of your house?

It's your fucking house. You're insane for letting her move in in the first place. But if you want to do that, fine. You have some sort of agreement on the rules of your house and she's going to live by them for free. Then she can't go ahead and change the rules and say, I'm not doing it anymore. And also, like, why are you so like, there's definitely, there are definitely fucking vegan chefs who cook meat. Yeah.

Well, that's, yeah. Right. It's your fucking job. Wait, no, I don't think so. Right. You don't think so? No. Vegan is like, you can't ever be like alive or whatever.

Yeah. No, I'm not saying they eat it, but they cook it. Oh, they cook. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right.

So yeah, it's like, take, you got to cook two meals now. I don't know. Like, it's extra work for you, but you live here for free. You shouldn't live here at all because you're the sister of my ex-husband. Everyone's the asshole here. Everyone. ETA. Why would you – I mean I guess if you're like homeless, that's one thing.

But I don't know. If you're homeless, maybe stop making the choices you think you should be making. Yeah, like you need to Costanza this and go against your gut on everything. Like, all right, I'm going to be homeless, so like worst thing I should do is just move in with my brother's ex-wife. Be like, you know what? These are the kind of decisions

that got me to the place I'm at right now. Right, so let me go the opposite of that. That is fucking nuts, man. Am I the asshole for refusing to let my boss inspect my bathroom usage? This is a part of a long series of events, so I need to start at the beginning what i do isn't really important all i can say is that i have trouble with a co-worker

and often this person has a habit of trying of trying to boss many of us around uh mind you we have totally different positions and our jobs are of standing of our jobs are of equal standing and we're both at the bottom of the totem pole. So I refuse to take orders from them. Well, my boss, the one at the top, for reasons unknown, this person does not use even any punctuation here, for reasons unknown, tried to protect them and has been trying to find an excuse to fire me. Last week, my boss, this person sounds paranoid, and I'm sure she's going to be the asshole.

Last week, my boss blamed me for a clog in the bathroom he claims he watched cameras for five hours and i was the only person to use the bathroom a claim i know is a total lie he claims i must have made the clog well today my stomach was upset and as i often do use the restroom on my break he saw me enter i was in said restroom for about 10 minutes major hershey squirts, and he came in and stood in the restroom for about eight. I don't know why I'm picturing this as a girl. So was I. So was I. So was I.

I'm picturing guy now. Now, definitely. But I did start as a girl, probably because he's being a little bitch talking about boys to be around at work and shit. He came in and stood in the restroom for about eight minutes. I know it was him because I peeked under the stall and I noticed who came in did not. This person just I mean, this person has a mental deficiency here. His shoes were easily recognizable to me. After I finished my business and turned around to flush, he approached my stall and demanded

I let him in before flushing after I was decent. I refused. He said he needs to inspect my droppings. This is not real. His exact words to compare them to the clog from last week. I immediately flushed them and told him I would not allow such an invasion of my privacy and I would be calling HR. He is now trying to write me up for refusing to cooperate.

My friends and his family, as well as a few coworkers, insist my behavior was wrong and only makes me look guilty. Edit, I would like to add that this is not an April Fool's prank. This happened on the 31st. I mean, if your boss is saying I need to inspect your shit to compare

to last week's clog. Honestly, dude, I'll let anyone who wants to inspect my shit inspect my shit. I don't fucking care. You're the weirdo. I can see my shit. I'm not inviting people to do it, but if someone's like, I need to see your shit, I'm like, all right, go ahead, freak, flush it when you're done. Imagine that.

No, no, no. I start calling him my personal flusher in front of everyone in the store. Shit, this guy flushes. Hey, Rick, go ahead to the bathroom. Make sure you get in there and flush it afterwards, you fucking pussy. Be there in about seven and a half minutes. Yeah, you little fucking pervert. You want to go check my turds?

I'd make a big scene of it. I'd make a big stink of it, Kevin. Every single time I was taking a shit in that office. I'm done. Come wipe me and flush. Come on in, Ricky. Not front to back, you know that, or back to front. But if someone was accusing you of clogging the toilet

and they were going to use that as evidence and you flushed it rather hastily, I would think that you are acting guilty. I mean, I wouldn't because I have an understanding of how the human bowel system works. Like, you're taking different shits all the time. Sure, but maybe not. I guess this fella here had the squirty squirts. That's not clogging the toilet.

I think that if you had, you could have different shits every time. But if those two shits do look the same, then it's coming from the same body. I don't think so. There's never any chance that you and I are going to have the same poop. Oh, I bet for sure. No way. Absolutely. Not like identical. It's like a snowflake. I disagree. Disagree. I think

there's a chance. If there's two shits that are identical, it's more likely it's coming from the same person than different people. I mean, first of all, you're not going to find an identical one, but I think we can have the same style of shit. You mean the same style? Yeah, you can have a float find an identical one, but I think we can have the same style of shit. You mean the same style? Yeah, you can have a floaty bonoty one night.

A floaty bonoty. Yeah, you got the Hershey Pershies. You're just saying rhyming words now. The poopy whoopies. The brownie townies. Oh, the pellet wellets? Come on. Who hasn't had the pellets? Last one.

Last fucking one. Am I the asshole for enforcing my kids' friends to follow the same phone rules as our kids? My kids are 17, 14, and 8. The 8-year-old does not have a phone, but my two teens do. The rules are they are not allowed to have their phone in the bedroom alone or the bathroom during any time of the day because they are jerking off. Right? If you're not allowed to have it in the bathroom. Oh, I the day because they are jerking off. Right? If you're not allowed to have it in the bathroom. Oh, I thought she said that.

They are jerking. They will not stop coming buckets all over this house. And at night, they bring us their phones to me and their dad, and we lock them up. These rules are mostly because I know how vile the internet can be. I've had younger siblings who grew up during the rise of the internet tell me horror stories as well as I clearly remember things that I saw on Omegle as an adult. I don't really want to risk any of these issues with my kids

as well as it helps them not procrastinate, yada, yada, yada. Last week, my oldest had a new friend come over. The girls were going to my daughter's room, and so I asked for their phones. My daughter looked embarrassed but handed over her phone. Her friend then asked me what I meant. I told her of my rule, and she told me that she wanted to keep her phone. I told her then they could stay out in the living room.

The girl got a little bit irritated, but they ended up staying out in the living room. The hangout then turned into a sleepover, and I called the kid's dad and talked to him a bit about the rules. The dad was a bit skeptic of our rules. We often get that, but he agreed. He told me he would relay this info to the mom as she was working. Nighttime came and everyone gave me their phones except for my daughter's friend. She said that she felt she was more comfortable keeping her phone in case of an emergency. I told her if there was an emergency, she can come wake me up and my husband up.

She told me that she didn't really feel comfortable with the case. I said this is the rule, no questions asked, period. She called her mom in another room. I could hear her crying. And while I felt bad, I stood my ground. The mom apparently had just gotten home off of work and talked to the dad and thought that our phone rule was creepy and invasive and told me that just when she got, told me that

just when she got to my house. She said that I should have let her daughter keep her phone and that she doesn't need to follow her rules. My oldest is now embarrassed and really upset with me. Even my husband thinks I should have let her daughter keep her phone and that she doesn't need to follow her rules. My oldest is now embarrassed and really upset with me. Even my husband thinks I should have relaxed a little. Just to clarify, the girl knew before sleeping over that they turned their phones in before they went to bed. She also knew her phone was included. She said she was not randomly blindsided.

Let me paint you a picture here. Sure. Paint away, Picasso. So you invite your daughter's children, your daughter's friends, over to the house for the evening. And you say, everyone give me your fucking phone

because they're going in and it's safe. You'd be arrested on the spot. Absolutely. You'd be absolutely arrested on the spot. Totally not. Then you have to be like, I said, you know, Shay's friends because this is about children,

but like, it doesn't have to be a child. It could be an adult. Anybody. Some adult comes into my house, I'm like, give me your phone. It's going locked away. You don't get to have it. I understand why, but when Chappelle takes away phones and stuff, I think that's weird.

I understand there's a purpose for that, but it seems like a liability. I don't have a problem with that being the rule at home for the kids. I get it. I think it's a little bit extreme I don't have a problem with that being the rule at home for the kids. Like I get it. I think it's a little bit extreme. But there's a lot of weird shit on the internet. You don't want them being alone with it. You don't want them like seeing some of these things. You can have that rule.

You cannot enforce your rules on strangers, kids, on other kids. Well, no, I disagree with that. I think if it's – I'm not okay with the rule in the house. So – but I think if you're okay with the rule in the house, it's kind of like you're okay with the rule for everyone. I think you can do weird shit to your kids, like give me your phone. I don't think you can do that to other people's kids. I don't think you can do it to your own kids. I think it's just like setting a weird –

You don't think you can restrict your kids' phone time? I think it's a very common thing. I think it is, but I think it's just weird that it gets locked up. I mean, I can't have my – Well, I mean, I guess so, but I – why are you locking it up that might be extreme but i guess it's like you know we you know the kids sneak down and grab the phone but it's like you know you can have a bedtime that's weird telling people when to go to bed yeah you do that to your kids you can't really do that to like other that one actually you know i i do feel like it's lights

out like 10 o'clock in our house as long as it's not like something bizarre like you're making the kids go to bed when the sun's up but like i don't think that's a that's an example of uh you know it's my house it's my rules like some things sure uh like you know we take we take our shoes off in my house like little things like that but i think nowadays you know what's funny like everybody has kind of bought into like even my mom like used to usually makes fun of me for being on the phone too much like our generation's on the phone too often. But also, you should maybe look into getting one of those phones for Shay, like an emergency one.

And she says, you always got to have your phone on you in case there's an emergency or something. I'm like, what did you do 15 years ago? Were you just worried that there was always going to be an emergency? Yeah, we just died. Yeah. Got kidnapped. Yeah. That was it.

We were just gone. But no, I think you can do it to your kids emergency. Yeah, we just died. Yeah. Got kidnapped. Yeah. That was it. We were just gone. But no, I don't think – I think you can do it to your kids. I don't think I would, but I might have some variation of this rule, a certain amount of time or whatever. Probably not. I used to say there's going to be like screen time for the iPads, and now I'm like, raise my kids for me. Here we go.

But I don't think you can make other people's kids do weird shit like that. I mean, if it's the house rules, the house rules, I know about it. Don't come sleep over yeah that again that needs to be like if you're from in the house rule i i i would let my i'd be like do whatever the fuck you want i don't know i think i would not be that's why i'm gonna be an uncle and not a father but i also okay yeah that's a good uncle way yeah but i think like she agreed to do the living room thing she's like my rule is like you don't go in the room by yourself with the phone. And she was like, okay, fine.

And then so meet me halfway. Let me just put my phone next to the bed at night in case something happens or whatever. How old were they? Did it say? Because also there's always that kid who wants to go home from the fucking sleepover. I don't think there's a good age here. I don't think – because if you're here I don't think Because if you're 12 They want to text their mom at night

And if they're older They're fucking 17 years old Let them have their goddamn phone you psycho Yeah I guess it just depends on It's kind of like your parenting style But then I do think if you're going to have a house rule That's got to be known ahead of time She said they knew

She knew like then like that day I feel like it's got to be like known ahead of time she said they knew she knew like then like that day i feel like it's got to be like you know going when you go over to their house you don't get to go in the room by yourself or you don't get to sleep with your with your phone and then guess what your friend never has a sleepover and then what you do is you drive your your daughter to go to the other people's house where they have parents from switzerland who let you like fucking bang in the middle of the living room and film it with your phone and then post it on your Snapchat. All right, voicemails. They're brought to you by Roman.

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And the best part is it's only $5. So when you go to GetRoman.com slash KFC, you can get your first month of swipes for just $5. That's GetRoman.com slash KFC. Dr. Voiceman, I think I need to rephrase this. My best friend and I are debating if our guy friends know what our hot qualities are. I think they always know. And then eventually they tell you, she thinks that

they have no idea. And then one night you show up in leather pants and they're like, oh shit, she had an ass or something like that. And then I recently hooked up with one of my guy friends, and he was like, I've always been into you, so that's why I was like, yeah, obviously. But I think some of them are idiots. Would love to get your take, Viva. So girls are wondering if we... Guy friends know their, like, hot features?

Like, if they know what they consider their hot features. Oh, what girls consider. Yeah. So, like, if a girl knows she has a great ass sort of thing. I would guess yes. This is not even, this is just like guy friend, girlfriend.

It's just like, I think this is like everybody, I think I would be pretty sure if a girl knows if she's got great ass,

great tits, great hair, pretty face, good body. Yeah, I would think so. You have to give, you have to show me a woman who and then like you have on the back of her card is this her favorite quality but is this more like

your think they think that guy friends don't like look at them in that way like why would oh she's that's right she's all guy friends yeah your guy friends look at you in that way so is that that's what she's saying that's what she's asking right I think you're right. Yeah. No, we know what your fucking hot qualities are. It's like, oh, my God, I never realized that you have monster tits. I didn't realize that you've got dumps like a truck. Wow. It's just because we've been friends for so long, I never even considered your fucking ass. Right.

Like, come on. Come on. Oh, I averted my eyes every time you walked by. She's like a sister to me. No, I walked by. She's like a sister to me. No, I fucking know. She's like a sister with a fat ass. Yeah, if you don't have my DNA, I fucking know what your ass do, girl. That's a fucking no.

Girls are so silly. That's so stupid for you even to say that. And also, I mean, you know what your guy's hot for. You know what his hot features are right yeah that's right this is just like right do you right do you just have like any perception at all it's like do yeah so easy i'm friends with you so i just have not noticed that you have like rock hard abs and like a great head of hair with like piercing blue eyes or something like what? It's I mean, that can't be true. Women can't be doing that.

I hope maybe I'm misinterpreting this question or something, but I can't even see where the. Oh, I just see. He's just like a dude. Yeah. Like I'm so blinded. Like it sees all that. We're so blinded by his humor. I didn't notice his fucking gray sweatpants fucking dick poking me in the face.

He's just so funny and nice. I've never noticed that ass, like, fucking, you know, wobble while you walk in that tiny dress. Because you're a sister to me. Get lost. Not even, I mean, yeah. Next. Just a resounding yeah. What's up, boys?

So I was just thinking about, like, this stupid game I used to play when I was, like, a legit, like, little kid. We would, like, you go up behind someone and, like, you stick your thumb up their ass. And we would call, like, Gaddafi them because that dude Gaddafi who died by, like, getting stabbed up the ass. That's pretty dope. And, like, obviously at the time we didn't even realize, like, how fucked up that really is to play that as a game and like be laughing about it so i was wondering like what was something you guys would do with kids that was like really messed up that you didn't really like realize you just thought it was like funny you're so innocent all right well that's that's kind of a an interesting paradox there uh we didn't realize it funny just because – I mean we didn't realize it was fucked up just because it wasn't at that time.

It wasn't because we were so innocent. We were actually the exact opposite. We were sexual offenders. It was just – OK. I think he's almost more talking about the terms that you use. I see. I'm sure they're – I mean Beirut.

Beirut's a great one. It's like, yeah, that poor country, you just get just ravaged with bombs. So it's almost like these ping pong balls are fucking missiles blowing up your buildings. Beirut's a good one. We played that with Gaddafi, but we didn't do that. You didn't call it Gaddafi. No, we call it Gooch. Gooch, right?

But I think I learned that from you. You call it what? Gooch? No, you Goos them. Goos. Goos! That's what I mean. I learned that from you Gooch No you goose him Goose Goose That's what I mean I learned it from you

We didn't put our thumbs up each other's asses Bunch of fucking losers we were I mean Yeah we just sexually assaulted everyone Yeah definitely Like a lot Yeah that's A real lot

We did like We did like sack tap Like that was Yeah What did we call that? Tased Tased Tased Scoop and slam

Fucking scoop someone's titty And smack it down A guy's tit Guy and girl sometimes Oof Yeah Oof It was

We had some out of shape guy friends It was dangerous to be in the hallways Yeah we We um This was middle school I guess it probably stopped like Once we were sure everyone's hit puberty. I think there was a phase where people ran around pinching each other.

Oh, to make city twisters. That pinch, you don't just pinch. Snake, no, monkey bite. Something like that. No, horse bite. Horse bite. Whatever it was. I remember that.

People ran around doing that. I remember offensive. I mean, offensive's different. I remember we used, I think you called it tabletop? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we're just going to take I remember we used, I think you called it tabletop? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we're just going to, like, you know, take your legs out from underneath you and slam you to the ground. Yeah. I blew up my elbow.

I got a big scar on it because I just landed on the pavement bleeding everywhere. I was like, great fucking joke, Tommy. I'm gushing blood. Like, awesome. Now, like, I can't use my arm, and I'm profusely bleeding all over and everything. The wasps were very dangerous and inappropriate. We talked about that last episode. But as far as the offensive goes, I mean, car bombs we talked about, Beirut.

I feel like there was probably some, I mean, wigger is a weird term that people used to like throw around, right? Yeah. Like that. We never would say the other word, but we were casually throwing that around. I'm sure there's probably a ton more. Well, like calling everything gay was, you know, that was a big one for a long time. The wigger one, though, like that wasn't innocent. We just didn't care.

I don't think I said that one very often. Well, not innocent, but it was like a song. It just was like that meant, you know, you're like when. Someone like redid Jigga with it, didn't they? There was like a, I don't know if it was an actual rapper or if it was like a YouTube person, but it was like, Wigga, what's my motherfucking name? Right. But even then like Malibu's Most Wanted and Bullworth, it was just like they were like, oh, that's the movie about the guy who was a wicker. Yeah. Boy, you know, we realize what this is implying. Right.

But yeah, I'm sure there's you know, like there's going to be things from that from our generation that are like, oh, boy, I can't think of them now. Other than like gay, the F word, a lot of that was was that was pretty common that one yeah uh i also didn't know godolphin got stabbed up the asshole yeah rough way to go not great all right last voicemail hey guys what's up kfc okay so my best friend dm me on twitter the other day okay don't ask please dm each other. Anyway. The worst.

He DM'd me this and asked me a question, and, you know, now it's like 420 and everything, and I can't stop thinking about it. So I'm just going to read you word for word what he said, and I need an opinion. So it said, super stoned question. I'm writing here so I don't forget, but I also get an answer. If you were eating a mermaid, parentheses, they are real in this case, what would the flesh be? Would it be red meat or white meat, like the flesh of a fish,

or would it be both and blend together halfway? Or would there be a hard cutoff at the waist where the red meat ends and the fish meat starts, so it's blended? And I can't stop thinking. Murr, you're half man, half fish. We're talking about the actual chicken of the sea now. Light meat, dark meat, done deal. What about those minotaurs, centaurs?

Would it be horse meat or man meat? Well, if you cut from the horse place, it would be a horse meat. If you cut from the man part, it would be human flesh. I think that's pretty obvious. Girls, sometimes they try to... Well, no, that was a question from the guy. Oh, well, then that guy's just a girl. Fucking idiots.

All right, that's it for us. Make sure you subscribe on YouTube. Make sure you rate, review, give the thumbs up, both Kevin Clancy Show and the KFC Radio and give five stars, all that nonsense. Yeah, or else your grandma's going to die tomorrow. Whiskey Dick What can you do? Whiskey Dick, what can you do? Whiskey Dick, after me and you

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