KFC Radio - Bert Kreischer, Josh Duhamel, Marc Roberge, and KFC's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Episode Date: November 24, 2020

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review! -Last Thursday we recorded KFC's immediate reaction to his car breaking down. It's as sad as it is funny (and it's the hardest I've laughed all year) -Jets are officially eliminated from the playoffs and KFC is in hot water with Cam Newton fans -Thanksgiving Roundup -Voicemails -Top 5 Voices you've heard in your life (01:09:00) Bert Kreischer returns to the show. We talk about balancing work and partying, having your funny ideas shot dow, finding a friend that helps you find the funny in everything, birthday gifts, male porn stars, crafting jokes, and much more. (02:10:00) Marc Roberge returns to the show. We talk about adapting to performing music online, Taylor Swift and her masters rerecording, creating an amazing experience for your fans, and much more. (02:58:30) Josh Duhamel joins the show. We talk about the classic "hard guy" comedies that are packed with a dark sense of humor, your friendships meaning more to you as you get older, we play answer the internet, and more. Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @BertKreischer @MarcRoberge @JoshDuhamelYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I was a founding member of a company worth a half a billion dollars and I can't drive a Hyundai! It's another edition How do I start the show? Yeah, that's it It's another edition of KFC Radio On the Barstool Sports Network I mean, I've done like 800 in a row

And I couldn't remember that little opener uh it's a thanksgiving week episode we uh we got a one gigantic episode for you instead of two so we can take a little vacation ourselves you got three interviews burt kreischer on the show who might be as always i say this about him each time he's always our best guest because he's not a guest did you you catch – by the way, sorry to interrupt you. Did you catch – I always return an I love you. I return it to Bert there. You snuck it in at the end. You didn't?

I don't. I think it's weird. I think it's weird for me to tell Bert Kreischer I love you. He said I love you guys. He said I love you too. Yeah, I know. It's so weird. It's definitely weird.

But I don't – I love you guys. I know – I've heard from Tom, Segura, and Berturt now enough that I know that they're down with what we do. They've reached out and said, if there's anything we can ever do to help you guys sort of thing. So I think he means, I love you. I love your operation. I love you guys. And you're like, I love you, Burt.

I love you too, man. I know. But I love you too implies a true I love you, not like a, hey, I'm down with you guys. Burt's saying I'm down with KFC Radio. I'm down with Burt. I love you, Burt. I love you. And i'll be honest like i don't even like i don't love burt but i like i love i don't let a love you oh so now it's disingenuous no it's not disingenuous it's not disingenuous because i love burt well i don't love burt enough to say and i love you well then you

but i i don't love burt enough but to return it but i love you too. Hell yeah. I think that's weird. I think it's weird. I think you're definitely right. But I just don't let love use linger. Don't let love use linger is like a Taylor Swift lyric. That could be like the hook. I don't let love use linger. Because it is one of those, just more broadly rather than interview zooms but like love you like there there's a little bit of awkwardness after like

I love you like because there's certainly a lot of awkwardness after you tell Burt Crusher I love you too but people are like people panic and they don't know what to say because it's like yeah man I've erased that moment of panic in my life I love you too you're gonna try to make this awkward for me I'm gonna make this awkward

for you it does not matter at all like fucking Moosa and Lena can tell me he loves me love you too Donald Trump says I love you love you too no you would not

I think I'd say it to anybody just because it's an instinctual response I don't even process it I don't even think who I'm saying it to Pav. You would say I love you, Donald Trump? Just because it's an instinctual response. I don't even process it. Trigger. I don't even think who I'm saying it to. It's just like Pavlovian. Just love you, love you too. If you love me, I love you.

I'm trying to think of who else you really hate that I think you're wrong. Like you wouldn't say that back. Who's like your most hated? You said it. It's probably Donald Trump. There's like, I don't know. Just like, love you too. I hope that Burt closed that out and was like, fuck too Like I want I hope that Bert Closed that out

And was like Yeah I want to make it clear To everyone listening If you ever tell me You love me You're getting it back I'm gonna tell you

I love you too It's just It's just easy Now the Now where you lack Is the condolences Department right I know

I will always give a condolence It's just I won't Piggyback on condolences I don't piggyback on anything Right I actually forgot Marco Bersin's on the show and me him and Nate grabbed a coffee earlier and Nate said thank you

right away and I was like well I gotta get him later and I got him like 20 minutes later I was like yo man by the way thanks for that I didn't drink a coffee I got a green juice but I was like yo by the way, thanks for that. I didn't drink coffee. I got a green juice. I was like, yo, by the way, thanks for that green juice. Okay.

I love you. Mark's on the show. Always a great conversation. Bert's on the show with... I can't remember it, but there was some very funny moments with that. I feel like there was a moment that I was like, oh, fuck yeah. With who? With Bert. We had

a really funny moment. Bert's Christmas present. His birthday present that I was like, oh, fuck yeah. With who? With Bert. We had a really funny moment. Oh, I mean, they were a million. Bert's Christmas present. His birthday present with Tom? His birthday present with Tom. I've told that to everyone I've talked to in the last week. You gotta understand with Tom. Bert wants a million dollar present for his 50th birthday. So you got that. And we also have

Josh Duhamel, one of the handsomest guys. I love interviewing really handsome dudes. How about this? I don't think I said this on the show, but I thought it, and I've thought it since. He said he was in Mexico City. That's in Mexico, right? Yeah.

Okay. Well, it could be in New Mexico. True. But I don't think it is. I think it's Nick. There it is. See? Yeah.

I mean, there's definitely a Mexico City in Mexico. That's where they play football when they go down, like when they're doing the international show. But why is he in Mexico? He said he was filming a movie. Oh, right. Yeah. Okay.

All right. But first, we're starting off with a little pre-recorded segment we did several days ago. I texted the group on, what was that, Thursday maybe? And I said, I will be in at 115, have the microphones running, the cameras recording, because I'm coming in hot because it was the day, the morning that my car broke down. And I was raging and losing my mind i actually like lost my mind later that day the car day i had like you know the only the car wasn't the only thing breaking down on thursday folks i mean i was surprised when this segment ended

and you didn't start crying yeah i well i did later i later. In the privacy. Not even in the... In the fucking... Goddamn jets. No, I definitely cried. I shed tears during the goddamn jets. I cried in like the little fucking... Like those little booths. Really? Yeah, and I grabbed my shit and I ran out of here.

I saw that. Okay, I saw you run out of here like that. I literally put my hood up and I ran out because I was crying. So what I did is I went right home and I... I you didn't even say bye i didn't i was like i was like gotta go i did see that i ran out of here but i did i was like that was an odd exit just gone head down uh and i went right home and i opened up the three chi because i needed to calm the fuck down the anxiety was through the roof the anxiety was through the roof. The stress was through the roof. My back was acting up.

I was a wreck. And so I needed some natural hemp derived cannabis products to ease my night. I took a half a gummy and I hit the vape pen and I was Gucci. I was good because three Chi has figured it out. They have cracked the code. They figured out the matrix. They have the Delta eight, which is the federally legal version of THC. Delta 9 is what you get from, you know, that shitty swag you smoke from, you know, when you were a high school kid.

Now that science has got a hold of it, they take the CBD, they combine it with Delta 8, which takes the extracts from THC. And that way you get the similar buzz and all the medicinal effects of Delta nine without the laziness, the anxiety, the paranoia, or the fogginess of, of that same, uh, you know, compound. So you get all the good, none of the bad, you get, you get a little bit of the buzz, you get all the medicinal effects and, uh, and it's all legal. It's all real. It's all natural and it's all legal. You can order it from their website right now. You don't have to have a connect. You don't have to do anything illegal.

You just have to be 21 years of age, have a little bit of money in your pocket and you can get gummies. You can get tinctures. You can get oils to put into your own edibles. You can hit the vape pens any which way you can get the CBD and Delta 8 THC into your body. 3Chi's got it for you.

Also, you can get 5% off when you go to 3Chi.com. That's the number 3, C-H-I.com, and use the code RADIO at checkout. 5% off your order. Must be 21 years or older to purchase. Get those Delta 8 vapes, gummies, tinctures, and oils. 5% off when you go to 3G.com. Use promo code radio. We're rolling.

You know, the mush when you're talking about, like, sports is one thing. The mush when it's, like, clearly your life is just a fucking problem. How often does inconvenient shit happen to me? It's not bad shit. I'm not going to go crazy. I'm not going to do what you think I'm going to do and flip out. I know that it's like, yeah, life pretty much is good. But something is always wrong in my life

in a wildly inconvenient way so take me through what happened so starting like yesterday my car just starts going like and at first at first it wasn't actually that bad but i have a piece of shit car i have like a probably like 120 horsepower hyundai so the the engine never sounds like good you know so i it usually sounds like a fucking mario kart go-kart you know but then all of a sudden it's like and that started like last night on the ride home and i was like well that fucking sucks no no lights are on except my tire pressure which never works i fill up the air with pressure two seconds later it says there's there's no air in it i don't know my tires are fine so i'm like i don't know but i get home and i'm like that's a that's a later problem you know and then i get in in the

morning and now the engine is cold like it was you know so now it's like and every time i hit the hit, like, there's no pickup. And I'm like, oh, fuck. So I know something's pretty wrong. But I'm like, you know, I went over. I picked the kids up. I was taking them to school. And then I was like, all right, like, I got to get to work.

But I was like, this is getting real bad. So let me just, like, go to a local mechanic. He's like, he hears me pull in. And he's like, whoa, like, what's that noise? And he's like, it sounds like there's, like, a, what do you say? Like, hears me pull in, and he's like, whoa, what's that noise? And he's like, it sounds like there's like a, what do you say, like a band that's like flapping, you know? And he pokes his head in my car. He sees there's no lights on.

He's like, how's your oil? I'm like, Chuck, oil's not on. We're fine, I guess. And I just got my, my registration has expired. And in my mind, I thought I was thinking inspection. So I took it to a place like a week ago and got the inspection updated, which I don't know. I guess maybe he didn't really do an inspection because he was like, here you go. You're all good.

So I'm thinking like, I don't know what the fuck's wrong. I just got it inspected. There's no lights on. So then and it's a 2019. It's not like I have like 250,000 miles on this thing. It's a 2019 model. And he checks it and he's like, he's like, no, the oil is low. And I'm like, well, how the fuck was I supposed to know that if the goddamn fucking lights not on? I don't know what I'm supposed to check the fucking

oil. I don't have like a feel for this thing. I'm not a car guy. It's a 2019. It's the year 2020. I don't, I don't have a lot of miles on it the lights not on I don't know the fucking oil's low so then he fills it up with oil he fills the whole fucking thing up with oil then the light goes on then the light turns on once he filled it up with the oil and he's like

yeah well you know you've been driving around with low oil so like you probably got a rod that's fucking clanking around in there he's like your engine's probably shot he's like this is gonna be a big problem and i was like you gotta be fucking kidding me now like i said it's a 2019 i'm a i think i got it in 18 that's like a 2019 model like at the very end of the year whatever so like i have to be under warranty but i am going to guarantee you i am not under warranty. I am going to guarantee.

Well, we're going to delete all this because I think that would probably void the warranty. They're just like, yeah, you didn't change the oil. So is it warranty? But how am I supposed to do this? No, you're right. But I feel like they'll find a way to fuck you. Actually, though, I have fucking video from this morning where I was videoing it. And you're going to see there was no check oil light on.

Show that to the dealership in the court of law. Who's going to say the jury's going to side with you then? I'm like, I'm thinking to myself, if there was a moment, especially when I got that car, when I was broke, broke, and I'm almost back there, by the way, I'm guaranteeing if there was some sort of like, do you want this warranty for like an extra whatever a month? And I was like, nope, can't afford it right now.

So I know that I'm not going to have coverage for this. It's going to have to be like, I'm going to have to like buy a new Hyundai engine. Just get a new Hyundai. Right. Look at all the bells and whistles that come with a 2020 so and then

and then because of just like the job that we do and I I'm gonna complain about this while fully understanding like it's my fault and I walked into it but when these things happen

I'm like alright well let's at least make some content out of it so I put it I put like the video out of it making noise half jokingly half being like I don't, maybe there's a stoolie mechanic. I was like, car guys, let me know what's wrong. Fully expecting every dickhead in the world to be in my mentions, but maybe like one dude being like, I know exactly what that is.

Or like, hey, I own a shop. Bring it by. No, none of that. None of that. Just nothing but fucking assholes being like, did you put it in rice? Did you try turning it off and turning it on? What's even worse than that, I don't give a shit about the people who are just being assholes or just trying to be funny. Fine, whatever.

That's what we do here. Like I said, making content. The people who are like, ah, bro, just happened to me last week. It's the converter band. Like, from my fucking 10-second video, you're going to tell me what actually is wrong because you had some. Everyone with their predictions like, oh, it was the heat fan. It was the this band it was the catalytic that no you're all fucking wrong there was no oil in it fuck you guys see so now i've opened myself up and then so then then like so then my car dies like i i was getting i'm i'm a hundred yards from my house and it just like

turns off now i'm in the middle of the road road, and that's when I started filming and started pushing. And then there was like three or four garbage guys, and they see me pushing it, and I needed to turn and get it into a parking spot. So the one guy jumps behind, and he's like, get in and start pushing. And then I got half the internet being like, you stop pushing?

This guy's going to do all the work. Well, you don't fucking push the car. It's like there was three fucking garbage men pushing who said get in and steer so we can park this thing. And now I'm getting car push shamed by the internet too. Fuck you guys. I give every goddamn inch of my life to fucking content. And you're still all assholes to me at all times. Fuck you guys.

I think that our problem, because I don't have a car anymore, but it was a problem that I dealt with regularly when I had a car, is that we're not not car guys. We're anti-car guys. I'm so anti-car. My car is lucky to have me, and it should fix itself at all times, and any problem it has, it should take care of. Definitely. Like, I give you the pleasure of me driving you.

I have no responsibility in taking care of you. I don't even consider, like, upkeep. No. You know? Flat tires, oil changes. Oil changes. Engine. You know what, motherfucker?

First of all, the other thing was I had like an eighth of a tank left or whatever. I get fucking lunatic Kirk Minahan telling me it's crazy that my car is on empty, that I ever let it go below half a tank. I would regularly need to. I kept a gas tank in my car because I would regularly have to go walk to a gas station and dump it into the car. I just kept a tank of gas in the back of the car, which is also wildly dangerous in and of itself. Like, gasoline!

Yeah, just drove around with gasoline. I was lucky because my car was such a mess I could just wedge it between things and it wouldn't spill all over the back. That's the other thing. People are looking at the video like, well, it's because there's fucking garbage in your car. But fuck you guys. They're telling me that it's because I don't put supreme gas in my car.

If you think I'm going to do anything other than regular ass 89 octane, whatever the fuck, you're crazy. That car needs to just work. I'm doing the driving. You're doing the fucking working. Just work. I'll steer. You work. That's it. That's what the car is. That's the agreement we have. That's doing the driving. You're doing the fucking working. Just work. I'll steer. You work. That's it.

That's what the car is. That's the agreement we have. That's what the lease is. You just have to fucking work. For four years or 100,000 miles, you drive. Dude, I would. There were times when I had a car where I lost, I would lose the keys, and I would just fucking, like, leave it unlocked.

And then, like, I would just let someone like if they wanted to take it just make sure you bring it back like i had no respect for my car but there was one time when it snowed it was like probably 2015 i forget exactly what year it was it was a crazy february in boston we're like we didn't go to work for like a month of february yeah and there was one time where i just hadn't shoveled my car out one single time in that month. So I had to climb a mountain to get to the top of my car to start shoveling it out. And things finally stopped. And then you're surprised if your car doesn't run perfectly after it was encased in an igloo for 48 hours.

I had to chip off because as I was trying to scoop the snow off, I ended up shoveling off both the fucking windshield wipe with things that... The fluid? Like the little things that shoot the fluid? Yeah, that actually shoot the fluid. So it would just come out like it was spitting at me. And I was like, yeah, I treat you like a piece of shit. But I'll be honest, it never really stopped working.

Except for the times it would run on gasoline. It just worked. It was... Honestly, I think you gotta get a Jeep. Well, that is the thing. I have a piece of shit car. Because that Jeep, I mean, I drew that thing. It looked like fucking, like, Rockefeller Christmas tree.

Like, it was just lit up everywhere. The whole front. And I was like. Oh, I mean, that's. The only reason, like, my tire pressure thing light did go on. The only reason I actually checked that was because the engine was making noise. Otherwise, I was fully prepared to just completely ignore that. Yeah, I treat it like a whiny son. It's like, well, you

just shut the fuck up and go do your schoolwork. It's almost like when you say, like, you're in a fight with your girlfriend, your wife, like, are we going to break up or get divorced over this? Then if not, then shut the fuck up. Are you going to stop working? Then I don't care. Well, in this case, it's not working. I think it's a Jeep because I had that one, which I drove for I don't know how many years, and I don't think I ever changed the oil once. Right. And then I had a buddy in college who had, like, a 96 Jeep that he – Still going.

Like, he took pride in, like, I've never changed the oil in this car. And this was, like, 2008. This was 2019 that I – granted, I have been driving it more now, but, like, other than that, I've been driving it been driving it to the one town over to pick up my kids and back. It's not like I'm putting miles cross-country on this thing. I probably shouldn't even have to have changed the oil. And then I get the fucking you're a millionaire crowd coming out. I don't have any money. I have none.

Everybody listening probably has more money than me. I give all of it to the kids. I have none. Everybody listening probably has more money than me. I give all of it to the kids. I have no money. I am so fucking broke. Do you think I would drive a Hyundai if I was a millionaire? I am poor. I don't know how else to say it. I have like $18,000 left.

I have no money else to say it. I have like $18,000 left. I have no money. That's it. We really got to win this Jenga match today and get you a new car. I need the $10,000. Dave's buying Armani suits and flying private. I got a Hyundai. That doesn't even work. I don't need to be doing private jets.

I just need a Hyundai that works. I can't be the broken Hyundai guy. The bar is very low. So low. It's like you're being reasonable. I just need a Hyundai that works. I just need a fairly functioning Elantra. That's it.

I had motherfuckers in my mentions going, you should have got the Santa Fe instead of the Tucson. I'm being patient. I just have to wait several more years. But guess what? At this rate, we're not going to make it. That's what I'm functioning on today. I don't want to put this energy into the world, we're not going to make it. That's what a functioning Hyundai.

I don't want to put this energy into the world, but I'm going to do it. Like a day before you're going to have a heart attack. Kirk said that right away at the Super Bowl. He's like, I don't think you're ever going to get that money. And I was like, that's a pretty fucked up thing to say. And now every day that goes by, I'm like, I think you're right. I think you're absolutely goddamn right. There's no chance I ever see that money.

I just want a functioning Hyundai. I mean, there's no chance we win Jenga today. There's a chance I might knock it over on the first pull. Like, that's just the day that I'm having. No, just like, you know. It comes in threes or when it rains, it pours or whatever fucking adage you want to give. It's going to be a catastrophe today.

So how, did it just rain Ran in or take an Uber? I hopped an Uber. So and now of all days, it happens on like a night that I have my kids. So now I don't have my car seats. I don't have I don't even know. Like, I don't even know how I'm going to drive them around or do the shit I'm supposed to do with them. We have a couple interviews and Jenga.

So ordinarily, I would have been like, I'm blowing everything off. I'm just going to get wasted right now. But like, today's the one day I can't do it. It's just. Well, I had a tough morning too. I got a little car sick in an Uber. It's like, it's like, Hey, we put the window down. I'm a little sweaty.

I got a tummy tummy. I actually was thinking that. I was like, because I walk to work so much that, like, I took a cab home last night. I took a cab to work this morning. And I got so sick in those 14 blocks both times. It's like a straight shot, too. It's just like, boom. No turns.

You go from here to there. You got to go one avenue. It's not like we're zipping through Manhattan. It's like from here to here, and that's it. On the one home last night, I literally just got off at the corner because I was too sick. I was like, you can't take a turn here, bro. I'm going to throw up. God. God.

I just. It's just. I think. I really think. I mean, the Truman Show or the Deal with the Devil, like something's got to be going on where I just think that the universe, it just has to even out. I think I'm just the yin to Dave's yang where it just has to be this way. Like, so we'll lose in stool streams today, and I bet Dave makes like $700,000 on day training today.

That's just, when one goes down, the other goes up. When he goes up, I go down. It's just how it's going to fucking go. God. It just – it is a really bleak moment in your life when you set the bar at just want a functioning Hyundai. When you can't achieve that. For all that we've achieved here, when you can't achieve functioning Hyundai status, that's bleak. There are people on Wealth there like, no credit, bad credit, doesn't matter, we'll give you a Hyundai. All of those commercials are specifically talking about Hyundais.

And here you are, a rather famous celebrity with a great job. Bro, I'm on pace to do a billion views on Instagram this year. Our podcast is regularly the top 50 in the world. I was a founding member of a company worth a half a billion dollars and I can't drive a Hyundai. It's insane. It's insane. It all started with like,

I give so much of my life to content. I'm watching you have a mental breakdown right now. And I'm laughing. And everyone else is laughing. Oh, the saddest clown in all the land. I'm the literal Joker meme, man. I'm the literal Joker meme, man. I'm the fucking Joker meme.

Every morning I wake up, I put my makeup on, and I just dance. I'm the dancing monkey for the fucking public for nothing. God damn it. All right. God damn it. Alright, so yeah, that was the... I feel like... It was funny. The reason I had a breakdown, I was talking to my therapist,

and I told him... I knew it was going to happen. And I was like, these things are my trigger. Like, I am a... I am like a balancing act. I have like a balancing act I have like A million things on this side

Of the little bar that you hold And a million things on that side But it's balanced So I got like crazy divorce shit Crazy kid shit Did you just not know the word for like dumbbell? What? Like a barbell?

Like the bar No it's not a barbell When you like the bar that like no when you're so removed from exercise no it's not a barbell it's like a when you when you walk a tightrope and you have the huge fucking bar it works for a bar okay i see what you're saying yeah okay yeah i was thinking oh just like a weight i was envisioning it no no no but i probably wouldn't know that either uh but so it's a ton of shit that i carry but it's all in balance i can do it it's like a house of cards it's there but then you put one card in you put one more thing on the side like my fucking car breaking down and so i was talking to him and i was like i know i know what i do i bottle my shit up for months and then one thing

out of the ordinary that i'm not used to just sets it off and i was like so in like a couple hours i'm gonna go home and it's gonna happen i was like or it's happening right now i literally said or it's gonna happen right now it was like i or it's happening right now. I literally said, or it's going to happen right now. It was like I was turning into the Incredible Hulk. I was like, nope, we're doing it, John. Let's go. And he was like, let it out. Let it out.

So the car fucked me. You want to know my most recent odd breakdown? It wasn't a breakdown. I just cried. It wasn't like a breakdown breakdown. I just cried. I was reading a a breakdown breakdown. I just cried. I was reading a GQ article on George Clooney. Like you, the number one feminine podcast in America.

We cry reading George Clooney articles. It takes you like your car breakdown. It takes me George saying a nice thing. What did he say? It wasn't even a nice thing. It was just like a very interesting thing. So one of the questions is like, you know, George doesn't a nice thing. What did he say? It wasn't even a nice thing. It was just like, it was a very interesting thing. So one of the questions is like, you know, George doesn't really act much anymore. Right.

And he basically only acts in movies that he's directing because. The bag. He gets money. Like the only way those movies get funding is like, they're like, well. Starring George Clooney. George Clooney's got to be in it. He's like, all right, fine, I'll do it. And I think, I forget exactly how many movies he's done, but I think it was over the last

14 years or so he said he's very much... Only a handful, yeah. Right, removed himself from the front of the camera. Yeah. And he was asked why. And he had a lot of good answers for it. You know, he was just like,

one, I enjoy the directing, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. He said, two, that he... He said, I did 11 seasons of ER, or whatever the number was, and he said that... He's like of ER or whatever the number was. And he said that, he's like, that's 22 episodes a season. He said, I'm filming 11 movies per year doing that. And I'm just like, well, how much more do I have now?

I'm just kind of burnt out on it, so to speak. And then the third one was he sat down and thought about his life. And he realized he had 25 summers left. Wow. And I thought that was such a cool way to say it. 25 summers realized he had 25 summers left. Wow. And I thought that was such a cool way to say it. 25 summers. I got 25 summers left. Yeah.

Like, if I do two or three movies, I'm down to 22 summers. Yeah. And I was like, that's a really great way to look at it. 25 summers. That's 25 summers. It's a 25-year sprint to the finish line now. And I just started thinking about it. I was like, that's what my parents probably have.

Yeah. And I started thinking about that. Right. And I did a fake one because I was actually doing it. I cried during the goddamn Jets. This week's episode was the anniversary of the butt fumble. So Nick played the therapist and I was talking. And I wasn't crying about the Jets but it was scary how not deep beneath the surface I needed to go to get to tears like I wasn't even thinking like you know I I feel like when actors

cry it's more like biological they can just like I don't know plug into their tear ducts and make it happen but I feel like for me like if I were to try to cry on camera like I was like for if I was an actor I would probably sit there and think think about like the things that make me the most sad in life. I didn't even need to specify. I just stopped stopping myself from crying. That's all I needed to do. I'm just constantly – it's almost like I'm constantly just like flexing. And for one second, I just stop flexing. And the tears would come out.

I'm just always stopping myself. Stopping myself from crying. I just let them flow. I was like, oh, we should. Like my tear ducts were like, we've been waiting for this for months. Let's go. Now's our opportunity. Let his guard down.

And I just squeaked out a couple real. We finished up. And actually, we should put that out as like a blooper. Or is it in the video at the end? I don't know. At the end, Nick was like, there was real was real tears there i think i think i have footage of it i know i stopped rolling on my phone i think i have there was a second camera set up so get me that if you've got it yeah uh yeah it was yeah so an emotional week here but you said something

interesting you said that my car is you and you are my car your car or my i've been thinking about your car a lot yeah it's like so has like the everyone the world keeps being like we need an update i'm like it's fucked it's fucking broken guys it's still the dealer and i probably won't have an answer for like a week so the um but i was just thinking about i think it was in the shower or wherever i was and i was just thinking about it and i was like i am kevin's car in that like so i i've i've recently started taking care of myself a little bit. Like, yeah, in the sense that I exercise again, which is always a fat I do routinely. Right.

I've exercised and I've been taking multivitamins and I've been eating fairly healthy and I've never felt worse. And that is like your car deciding to break down once oil is put in it i filled my i made sure it was filled with oil and the light went on my my body just has just become used to he's like we are we run on bourbon and bad decisions yeah we're running on empty and if you give me something else well now we're out of whack bourbon and bad decisions that's a that's shout out. It's not London. It's not Angel.

Olympus has fallen. It might be London has fallen. Bourbon and Bad Decisions is a good country. But shout out Mike Banning. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. He's like sprinting with the president. He's on a run with the president. And this is before chaos happens.

It's one of your earlier scenes in the movie. The masterpiece. He just starts running backwards. Nope. John Cho one of the earlier scenes in the movie. The masterpiece. The trilogy. Nope, John Trudy. The fourth has been announced. Quad? Night has fallen. Night? What is that one going to be? I have no idea.

Night. Probably the monarchy or something. Is it a double play on night? No, they already did London. They already did London, yeah. But he starts running backwards and he's like, Jesus, the president's like, Jesus Christ. What have you built on? Bad decisions.

By the way, speaking of bad movie series. It is not an original, but it is accurate. We got a scoop that we can't announce, but there's an announcement. This is just mean. Yeah, but I want us to be like, we knew. When this drops, there is an announcement coming for a series of movies that John really likes that if it does in fact happen, is a major announcement and addition that I just want people to know us sitting on it is going to kill me. Honestly, it's not even going to kill me. I'm happy I know and you don't.

I mean, it's a doozy of an announcement. Did he say it might happen or it's going to happen and just hasn't been announced yet? Because I could still see it not happening. That's how ridiculous it is. Probably. He's like, it's happening. He didn't say it's happening. I'm not putting that on anybody.

But he's like, let's be honest. It's heading that way. It's going to be a tough amount of money to turn down. Right. The godfather offer. I mean, it's going to be a big one. The Patriots are bad, right? Yeah.

Okay. No, but I mean, yeah, congrats to the Bills, I guess. You know, like, oh, you won the AFC East. Who gives a shit? That division fucking sucks. I hate you guys so much. There is nothing losing to the Texans will nothing. There is nothing that will derail your Super Bowl dreams.

You assholes like losing to the Texans, particularly for the Patriots of all people. Right. I mean, they beat the fuck out of the Texans the last 20 years. I mean, we ended the franchise. Yeah, right. So right so i mean that you guys could not have been more off uh you're just bad i'm caught up in a racial whirlwind by the way i can't even tell you that like i can't even definitively say like we're bad oh no you are no because i didn't i didn't get to watch the game because we're so not the Patriots Patriots anymore that it just was barely on red zone again. Like the final drive, they kind of got to.

Yeah, they don't really care. Because they stink. Now, to be fair, at the same time, the Titans, they play Vikings? No. The Titans play the Ravens. The Titans, Ravens, like final drives were happening. play. The Titans play the Ravens. The Ravens' final drives were happening, so they were focusing on that. But I saw a little bit of the final drive.

And it was... I saw very, very, very little of that game, so I cannot definitively tell you that the Patriots are bad. Well, they lost to the Texans. Yeah, they're bad. I'm caught up in a racial whirlwind right now on Twitter. About what? Well, I'll tell you about it once I tell you about Tommy John first.

Tommy John is they're already rocking with their Black Friday sale right now where you can get a discount on the most comfortable underwear, loungewear, pajamas, bras, thongs, everything for the guys and the girls. They're trying to fight the cold and they're trying to keep you cozy. Right now, you can give the gift of comfort for everyone on your list. These Tommy John pants are, I mean. Those are nice pants. I didn't know they were Tommy John. Yeah, these are. I don't know if you're supposed to really wear these out, but I do.

So these are supposed to be the lounge pants, but I think that they are perfectly acceptable in the outside world right now. They are so goddamn comfortable. They pockets which is clutch deep enough pockets that you can actually ever get the pajama pants that have like shallow ass pocket your phone sticks out of it nope real pockets it's got like the jogger bottom but not not like too tight it's they're they're uh cozy but like light so you're not sweating in them they are perfect i highly recommend the lounge pants along with the t-shirts, the underwear, the sweatshirts, all of it.

So comfortable, fits perfectly, and it's the same level of comfort and innovation that goes into everything that Tommy John has made. They started with the underwear. They changed the game with that. Now you can rest assured that all the clothes they make are going to be that comfortable and that stylish. No risk with Tommy John.

When you buy the underwear, you got the best pair you'll ever wear or it's free guarantee, or if you don't like your first pair, you can send them, you can get the money back and keep them. And right now, when you use Tommy, john.com slash KFC,

you get 25% off your entire site. That's Tommy, john.com slash KFC order it right now so that you make sure you get everything for the holidays. Don't wait for the black Friday now so that you make sure you get everything for the holidays. Don't wait for the Black Friday rush. Make sure you get it in before that. It'll arrive in time for you, yourself, your loved ones, whoever you're ordering for. Go to Tommy John dot com slash KFC.

I said that Cam Newton dressing like a goddamn Ricola fucking yodeler and then losing to the fucking Texans. You look like an asshole. And I am caught in some sort of white man who's trying to keep the black man down and I need to shut my fucking mouth and everyone gets to wear whatever they want. I mean, I thought it was the most, I thought it was actually a tired take. It's like Cam

always dresses like an asshole. Now, I think it's particularly rough to lose to the Texans and I think this outfit, even by his standards, was particularly ridiculous. But the amount of sports fans, like, actually, even sports fans I saw being like, you can wear whatever you want. It's like, this is how it works. When you lose, you're a fucking asshole. When you win, you get to wear what you want, say what you want, do what you want.

I'm with them, and I think it's because, obviously, I don't think it's a racial thing at all, but I'm with them for all the reasons you just described. I think that is a tired take that people just... It's not. I mean, it's tired, but it's the way it goes for everything in life. If you're going to look like an asshole and be a peacock and flex, then you better win. I think that people who show up to games in sweatshirts are bigger assholes. I think you just look stupider. I think it's dumb. I think just wearing... I think it's just like, I think you just look stupider. I think it's dumb. I think just wearing like, I think just what happens now.

You wear extravagant clothes. No, but like Cam Newton puts like time and effort into like looking good and looking cool. Right. And that's an okay thing to do. And then when you lose, see, because I think you were like, oh, you spent more time like getting dressed and you spent studying the playbook.

I think that's just idiotic. No, that's stupid. But when you like, you are, you're participating in something that's all about your bragging rights and your cocky and your swagger and being cool and being the winner and being on top and you want to look the part and then you don't play the part, well, you look like an asshole. Yeah. I mean, I'm fine with it. I obviously don't think that your take is awful.

I just think that everyone always says that now. I think Jeff Garcia ruined it for me. Where Jeff Garcia was recently like, you can't dress like that and play bad! I don't know why I did Bill Burr for that. You kind of look like Bill Burr. My brain just registered that because Jeff Garcia sounds not like Bill Burr. Not at all.

Not at all. I do think you can just dress however you want. With the suspenders and the... I mean, he looks really – Don't tell me you like that outfit. No, no. In my core, I, like, I get it. Like, I get what you're saying.

And I probably – more part of me that's willing to admit, like, agrees with you. Yeah. But I just think, like, saying is so – It's like when you wear – like, when the Knicks wore black to the funeral and then lost to the Celtics. Right. But that's – a team thing becomes – For sure. But the same type – it's like removed from that.

But it's the same idea where it's like you showed up to look – to make a statement today and then you lost to the Texans. But I think it's – I think one that's just what you do every day. That's just how we dress. Yeah, but I also – if it wasn't that crazy of an outfit, I wouldn't have said anything. That one was outrageous. Yeah, it was – The shorts, of an outfit, I wouldn't have said anything. That one was outrageous. The shorts, the suspenders, the clogs, the hat. I mean, people said he looked like the little fucking guy from The Price is Right. The little, like, mountain man yodeler that goes up the piano.

I mean, when you're drawing comparisons like that, it's above and beyond. It's not a normal Cam Newton. It's something special. And he's just not that good. Honestly, yesterday he didn't play bad he played yeah lost to that jackson right but he threw i think he threw for like three and four for the standard that we're talking you know i mean no no he's not tom bray i will yeah no but i mean that it's like i do it with sam donald all the time where eventually i was like yeah like every now and

then he goes off for like a good game but he just constantly loses yeah you know it's not not that good no he no i mean cam's he's not he's not bad but he just constantly loses. It's not that good. No, I mean, Cam's... He's not bad, but he's just what we are. I mean, like Belichick said today, do you think you're better than your record? He said, our record's our record. That's what the Patriots are for. I love that Tomlin quote.

I mean, the Steelers are good. That game wasn't perfect, but nothing's perfect except our record. Yeah, I mean. Although that is the first thing, like, that's the first. I mean, people have been talking about the Steelers having a perfect record, but, like, that was the first comment I've heard from them, and now I think it's officially, like, bullseye on your back sort of thing.

Like, if I'm a Steelers fan, I want to lose next week. I can't believe this is their first time ever. I think it started at 8-0. 8-0 is, like, their best record ever, right? It was 8-0. I believe it was 8-0. 8-0 was the first time they went 8-0. And, like their best record ever, right? It was 8-0. I believe it was 8-0. 8-0 was the first time they went 8-0. And, I mean, that's a broke boy franchise right there.

Are you fucking kidding me? You are in no position, sir. Not right now. I mean, your first time ever is in 2020? I would guess. Top of my head, Pats have gone 8-0 seven times. At least. At least.

I actually think it's lower than that. Oh, yeah, 8-0 is a lot. 8-0 is a lot. I actually think it's lower than that. Oh, yeah, he knows a lot. I would bet it's probably three to four, but I'm just going to throw seven out there. Fuck it. If I'm a Steelers fan, I want to lose next week. Get it out of the way. I don't want any of that undefeated shit. See, because I lost

an undefeated season, personally, I was always like, I want it again. I never... Because of how that happened is why I would want to lose. I'd be like, I don't want to be the Patriots, so let's get this out of the way. Let's regroup and win and all that shit. Alright, let's do our voicemails

and then our... Bats have gone 8-0 three times. Three times? Okay. Alright, we got our voicemails and interviews, but first, we got to talk a little Thanksgiving. It's our Thanksgiving week episode, so we got to talk a little Turkey Day. It's brought to you by ScoreMaster. Did you know the average American has 97 points you can add to your credit score? That's a fucking lot.

What? If you can add 100, that's – How high can your credit score be? I think like 700-something is like the good, that good, good. I can't. I got that good, good. Yeah, you're already in that 700. Well, not everybody can be like you, John.

And so if you are slacking on your credit score and you want the new scientific way to boost your credit score, you got to go to ScoreMaster. Don't do any of this little nonsense like, oh, I raised it a couple points. Fuck that. Go big or go home. Scoremaster, on average, will raise people's credit 61 points in 20 days. That's the Carmelo special. 61 in 20 days. Let's say if you're in the mid-500s to 600s and you're going to get a new car, you could raise that average 61 points and you could save money on that car.

If you're about to go apply for a home loan and you raise your score 61 points, you're talking about like $100,000 over the life of your loan. We're talking about major money. If you're a small business yourself and you're going for a business loan to fund a project or finance equipment or whatever have you, ScoreMaster will help you and your company achieve that goal and hit that next level of business. So Scoremaster puts you in control of your finances, not the banks. You can enroll in minutes and see how many points Scoremaster can add to your score.

Visit scoremaster.com slash KFC. Sounds like a fucking video game, you know? Scoremaster.com slash KFC. It sounds like not a video game. It sounds like a movie about a video game. No, I was going to say like the – What was it? GameShark?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds like a cheating thing. That's kind of what it is. Put it on – put this on for your life and raise your – Yo, how about Coach Doug's found me two grand in cards. I saw that. I got two magic cards. He's worth like a thousand bucks.

Are you actually selling them? I don't know. Part of me is like – Get a new one day. Yeah, I was going to say I probably need to. But part of me thinks – I don't know part of me is like good monday yeah i was gonna say i probably i probably need to but um but part of me thinks uh i don't know the the card industry is like oddly booming like gary v and logan paul and them are like kind of oh you're holding out i think i could probably uh yeah hold out or like do some find somebody like there's somebody out there right now who's getting back into it who's like all i need is this one card to fix my collection i'm like 15 grand bro hey i got you you see logan paul trying to bait floyd uh i saw it

i didn't i didn't listen to it i saw the incredible what he's like like i'm trying to figure out who's better floyd at boxing or logan paul at like internetting he's just he is just poking and prodding and trolling to the point that i think Floyd's going to have to take it. I think he will. Also, I don't think Floyd does that, though. Floyd takes these little fights. Floyd does the exhibitions.

It's like me playing a baby in basketball. He is a lot bigger. He is a lot bigger. I don't think it does. It would just be interesting to like, with Conor McGregor, it was like, you're an even match.

Right. So, if somehow... You're building the combat world at least. Logan Paul is a trainer. He's training, but he still is not a boxer. But it's more like, if Logan Paul could connect, I think he would knock him out, but I don't think so. That's a huge... You don't think so? I don't think so you don't think so I don't think so

he's like 8 inches and like 60 pounds tall maybe if they had to stand like like a Dan style like if I could just unload on him right

but like if he can move yeah you're never gonna well I'm just yeah but if I'm not saying he's gonna dodge it but he'll get glanced

you'll never like squarely connect but the payday will obviously be there if he ever gets it done. Right. I mean, it's like, again, I mean, it's like me fighting fucking, I don't know, Vips. Poor Vips keeps getting some burger shots on the show. Like, if you came to me and you're like, yo, if you do Rough and Rowdy this year or this month,

whatever the hour or how often we do it, like, we'll give you $100,000 to fight Vips. I'd be like, okay, fine. Yeah, no big deal. I think that's what it is to Mayweather. We'll give you – I bet it's a $10 million payday, right? We'll give you $10 million to fight Logan Paul. All right, fine. Yeah, I'll do it.

Okay, sure. He's like – he was like, I'm eight inches taller. I'm 60 pounds heavier. I'm twice as hungry. I'm 10 times as smarter. He had this like bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. And then he was hitting the bag, and he had Floyd Mayweather spelled out to teach him how to read. He's doing the 50-cent school trolling.

And then Floyd started to take the bait, and you can see Mike and the rest of Logan Paul's camp chiming in, being like, we got him. Let's reel him in now. And it's just the ultimate showmanship where he's like, I'm not gonna beat floyd mayweather in a boxing match we're gonna get fucking 20 million dollars from it so uh i once i saw floyd respond i was like this this probably is gonna happen some some level some way um but anyway thanksgiving uh i did the dog walk snake draft big philosophical debate is gravy a side? no I kind of feel like I'm in the middle on this one

I can understand drafting it it's like it's like one of the most important parts of the meal someone has to cook it someone has to make it someone has a recipe someone's assigned to it

it's like a real part definitely not a side what is it then? a sauce but it's not like you know it is it's? a sauce but it's not like you know it is

it's like pasta sauce someone has to make it someone has to do it yeah but if there was a Thanksgiving if there was a meal a holiday like a round Italian food

I bet you those guineas would say that the fucking sauce is I don't even think I don't think anyone I don't even understand the argument it's just

you can't just eat gravy well that was that was the reason why we we ultimately said no but I mean even understand the argument. It's just a sauce. You can't just eat gravy. Well, that was the reason why we ultimately said no. But, I mean, I think the argument is that it's the most important part of the meal. It is. So then it gets the respect it deserves. It's not just a condiment. It's not just a sauce.

I think everyone thinks it's a sauce. I think if you have a recipe for it and it changes the food in that way or one person always does it, I think it's way more always does it. You're just describing a sauce. There's only one other sauce that was like that. There's only one other sauce. There's only one other example you can have. But the only other example would be the Italians who do treat it that way. You have yet to give me a sauce or a condiment

that would not get the response. Well, they're few and far between, but I don't think Italians call it a side. It's not a side. It's just, it's not a side. It's, it's just exceptionally important. I think if there was a, a holiday around it,

you would, the sauce would be like the most important thing for the Italians. And they would, of course, you ever had dry penite? Terrible. So that's what I mean. I think the importance of it is like,

if you're drafting the most important parts of, of the meal. Okay. Definitely. It's definitely the most important part. Just the work. It's just not a side. If I was Carl, I would have made the argument

that then it should just be included because now we're just doing the semantics. I have no problem with the inclusion. It's just I have a problem with labeling it a side. So it was not included. He was not allowed to draft it. I probably would have let you draft it. But I'd be like, okay, it's a great toss.

What's your favorite dish? Stuffing. It's got to be stuffing every time, right? It be like yeah it's a great sauce yeah what's your favorite dish stuffing it's gotta be stuffing every time right it's every time it's stuffing now stuffing with a ton of with a lot of gravy on it i feel like stuffing can survive it can but i just like it better that way yeah the the stuffing is uh the eternal it's the it's the number one thing. It's the only thing I said in society that we as a people have self-control with. We just eat it once a year. We love it. By the way, I get into. You go through stuffing phases.

Well, I just like I have a Thanksgiving season where I just eat. Yeah. And I order the Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah. When it starts to hit the menu at some of these places and and you get a cranberry turkey sandwich at a deli, it's something like that. But for the most part, it's just that one. But I didn't get a sandwich.

I got a full meal. I got stuffing, mashed potatoes. So you've already done Thanksgiving. Yeah. How about this fucking... The Carrabba's household is a goddamn circus. They have prime rib, meatballs, and ravioli, along with the turkey.

That's insanity. That's too much. That's insanity. But, like, we do a steak, too. That's crazy. Really? Yeah. No.

Crazy. We have, like, steak. Sometimes we have lobster. But we have other meats. But it's nuts. There's no, like, ravioli. I don't know. No, there's no ravioli. I don't know. No, there's no ravioli.

Ravioli is nuts. Meatballs, nuts. Prime rib's insane. You got to do something. Give me a nice filet or something. I'm not a prime rib guy. All of that with the turkey. Those all clash.

Can't be doing the red sauce. That's a Hank order. Yeah, right. That's a little kid. I like all these things, so I'll just eat them all at once. Well, there's got to be some cohesiveness to the meal. There's nothing. Fucking Karabas' house is the wild goddamn west.

I think it's the one time you should just stick to the fucking turkey stuff. I think turkey also gets a lot of flack. I think people are like, if turkey was good, why don't we eat it year-round? Turkey's delicious. And it was stuffing. And it was stuffing. It's just the one time we have self-control. It doesn't make any sense.

I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't understand it. And I might start fighting against it. Well, the only thing is maybe the proof is in the pudding. Maybe it isn't that good. Maybe it's like you would probably eat it more often. I think I get it. Whenever it's on a menu, it's really more about big restaurant.

And they don't offer it. Big restaurant. Big menu out here limiting stuffing's type of success. Whenever I see turkey on a menu, I go, maybe. Maybe the government is controlling this. Maybe the government's like, we can't kill that many turkeys. Maybe there's a turkey supply

issue. Then we should just breed more turkeys? Breed more and then torture them for their entire lives like we do with every other animal. That's how it works. Put them in a fucking chicken coop, whatever, a turkey coop, until they're ready to fucking get slaughtered. We'll do it in fucking summertime now, folks. I'm going to try cooking a turkey this year.

Oh, boy. I want you to deep-fry turkey and blow up yours. Well, heavens. I would love you to. You would definitely be the guy who blows up yourself. Yeah, but I'm the guy who would never in a million years try. I'm not that ambitious. But we're doing it.

Have you ever had that? I bet you that's delicious, right? Deep fried turkey. It's really good. It's got to be insanely good. I don't know if I've ever had it. I've never had it. But I'm sure.

Just like deep fried everything is delicious. I'm sure it's. Yeah. I mean, I said on like anything that you could potentially blow up for. Better be. Better be. It better be worth it. And I would imagine mostly it is.

Explosions aren't the issue, right? It's more. It's the spilling and the fire it starts. Oh, no, there's a lot of explosions. No, there are a lot of explosions, but I think the broader issue is the spilling. The spilling of the oil? Yeah. And then?

And then it starts a fire. Oh, well, yeah, as long as shit's burning down. Right. However you want to say it started. But yeah, you burn down your house when you do your deep fried turkey. Yeah. Not good. No.

Not good. You have to, ultimate self-awareness. You have to know whether you're a deep fried turkey guy or not. I can, you know, I can just off the rip tell you I'm not a deep fried turkey guy. And you know, if you kind of are or not, you got power tools and a fucking garage you hang out in and you're a cook and all that shit, then you can deep fry a turkey. Otherwise you can't deep fry a turkey. Yeah.

No, you have no limitations. If you go to work in an office, don't try right exactly that exactly that if you're basically very capable radio listener don't try to do it voicemails are brought to you by simply safe it's the holidays you're gonna have a lot of expensive stuff in your house you know just ask the mcallisters they got broken in like all the fucking time because they have a beautiful house and a lot of belongings and a lot of gifts and a lot of presents, a lot of nice stuff, electronics, everything you're buying for your family sitting there until fucking one

day where you open it. So, you know, burglars are going to hit up your house the whole Christmas season, the whole holiday season. So what better time to get down with simply safe and secure that home than right now? I have 40% of 40% off any simplyafe system right now with a free security camera

when you go to SimpliSafe.com slash KFC Radio. I got to be honest. SimpliSafe has been down with us for a long time. And ordinarily, for the longest time, they were just like, money, like a risk-free trial. I was like, all right, there's really not much. And then they were like, you get a free camera. And now they just jumped to fucking straight up to 40% off.

So now is the fucking time. Now is the goddamn time to save your house and your family. Go to SimpliSafe.com. Deal expires on Friday. Having a deal stop on Black Friday is a flex. So go get it done right now. 40% off plus the free camera. Make sure that you and your loved ones and all your belongings are safe.

24-7 security. It helps with burglaries. It helps with break-ins. It helps with earthquakes and fires and all sorts of disasters. It's the number one in full home, total home service and safety. Go to simplisafe.com slash KFC Radio. First voicemail, what do we got? Hey, KFC Fight. So my question is, would you ever date a girl or marry a girl with the same name as you?

So for reference, my name's Cassidy. My name's Cassidy, and I've dated one girl who has the same name as me. And I find a lot of girls that do have the same name as me. So I was wondering where you kind of draw the line. I mean, that is, you know, Kevin and John are going to experience, you know, we're never going to experience this. Cassidy. I'll tell you what, Kevin.

I bet most girl Cassidys sat there and said, we're never going to experience this. I've never heard of a man named Cassidy. This is like a boy named Sue. A man named Cassidy? Yeah, I boy named sue a man named cassidy yeah i feel like it's bruce cassidy i feel like butch cassidy i mean bruce cassidy rapper butch cassidy uh there's a rapper just called cassidy there's butch cassidy i feel like it's not i feel like it's kind of unisex i i think it's very effeminate. Double letter? A Y? Tommy?

Timmy? Tommy? Johnny? That was quick. Like almost all of the fucking... Double S. An S is a girl letter. Because you're just thinking of sissy. I think I'm just thinking of pregnant women.

I think it looks like a pregnant chick. This is your... You might be right, but that reasoning is your dumbest reasoning ever cassidy i i think i think cassidy is an exceptionally feminine name now i know nothing against that but i just think cass i i think you're actually totally wrong why it comes from the irish curly headed i feel like a bunch of curly headed boys are probably named cassidy i don't think so when you name name a child, it doesn't even have hair yet. And if anything, it's straight hair. No one comes out of the womb with a fro.

You get too much embryo. The origin is an Irish boy, Cassidy. I've never met a Cassidy, a male Cassidy. I don't know if I've ever met a female Cassidy. I don't know any Cassidys. It's a girl's name. I mean, it's definitively not, but okay. It is a girl's name and uh so i mean it's definitively not but okay it is it is a girl's name it's just every every letter in that word how about this meaning curly haired or clever

those are two entirely different things those are two entirely different descriptions i think i think every letter in the name cassidy is a girl letter c is a girl name a girl letter yes pregnant woman just looking the other way d pregnant pregnant s pregnant a pregnant yeah i was like a dick that's the only that's the only masculine part of it and a y y is for fucking poofs yeah yeah, I mean, it is. I understand my logic may be flawed, but I'm right. It's weird because I think it is overwhelmingly. I think its origin is male, but it's just I think it's mostly. Yeah, I mean, it's like a word that's just it's been redefined. Sure.

When it was first created, it was supposed to be a boy's name. In the year 2020, it just isn't. Right. Right. But either way, very few people are going to run into this. Mostly, you know, you're going to get like. I ran into it. Nick.

Just Nicky. Nicole. Nicole. That's different. I mean, Nick and Nick and Nicole is different. If they both call you Nicky, like, maybe. But Nicole is different. I think it's got to be, like, if you're both, like, aren't there some male Whitney's?

Are there? There's some weird names. What's another example of this? I mean, like, Kyle. Terry. There are girl Kyles. Well, now people are getting cute with Ryans and Kyles and shit like that. So actually, the later generations are going to run into this.

Your sons and your daughters are going to be fucking each other with the same name. I'm Ryan. Oh, so am I. Oh, your parents are an asshole. Like, okay. So, I mean, as always, these things, like, how hot is she? Right. uh so i mean as always these things like how hot is she right you know if i'm cassidy and she's cassidy and she's a rocket then we're both yelling cassidy in the bedroom if she's ugly do you say a lot of names in the bedroom never never never i don't do a lot of talking i just lay there yeah

no i'll make i'll make noises and say things but i'm not saying your name ever what kind of noises do you make you want me to do them right now yeah definitely not for sure not the the that's the most sacred of all things like your sex and then a step below that is like your your like bedroom talk and noises you know if that ever like if you're you always say if your sex ever leak like out of context they're just like awfully cringy can you imagine like your moans and groans and see my moans would they be like he's a fucking lame yeah definitely you're you're you are lame your sex and your moans you're a fucking prude bro you don't say shit in there i don't say anything it just weirds me out i just don't like me so but i'm like hey bro you stay out of this but if there was a chick named john that's what my dick says to me. It's like, dude, you stay out of this.

This is between me and you and they're out. See yourself out. Would you fuck a girl named John? Yeah, me too. I have no standards. I'd fuck a girl named as long as she's hot. I'd fuck a girl named Satan. I'd fuck a girl named Hitler. Would you fuck a girl named Hitler? Definitely. Really?

Oh, without a doubt. Probably more so, right? Yeah. Just be like i fucked hitler you could say i fucked hitler and it's not wrong you could strap me up to a fucking polygraph and i could say i fucked hitler and it'd be like there's literally no name that's like i just fuck i don't fuck anybody could you fuck a girl named dave portnoy yeah yeah i mean the answer is yeah all All of it. Of course I do. I don't care what your name is.

You can probably fuck a girl in the dick, Kevin. I can probably fuck a girl who's not a girl. I can probably fuck a boy named Cassidy. Next. KFC,

Nick, so Ryan Felipe on the last podcast he was talking about the voice that he's heard the most in his lifetime who do you guys think the voice that you've heard the most in your lifetime obviously probably your parents

first but then after that for me it would be I mean y'all two and then probably Big Cat and TFT so I'm just wondering who you think the most is like you listen to certain podcasts that make them great question it's all about it's all about uh quantity and quality it's like like i i said that i i heard alex trebek's voice almost like every day for

like my whole life but it was like in short bursts you know and here and there versus like if i you know when i listened to like boomer and carton for 10 years it was like hours in the morning every day you know yeah i i would probably go with someone like jim nance maybe yeah um also a a reasonable guest for me is on the show today yeah mark roberts might be one oh oh i thought you i mean probably me for you oh right yeah yeah you probably you probably surpassed my parents yeah i would i would guess you are definitely my one yeah because it's like you know for your first 20 years whatever it's a lot of them but then after that it's all like you you pick you know and then i think once you get married it just becomes that person pretty quickly but i don't know how quickly well again if you have a

job like this like we're gonna be all day every day for like you know oh many many years then nobody can keep up with that yeah but if you have a regular office job where you just a job like this, like we're going to be all day every day for like, you know, many, many years. Then nobody can keep up with that. Yeah. But if you have a regular office job where you just kind of like stick to yourself, it's you probably when you go home. That's probably what you do more talking. We do more talking here. Way more talking. Way more talking.

The. Yeah. But yeah, Mark's on there, too. I would say definitively your one. And then after that's why my mom. And then after that, i guess probably my dad mark for my music purpose like you think you listen to oar more than any other band in the world i think for the last 20 years right not quite 20 16 15 years whatever it's been

uh since i was a sophomore in high school it's probably my most listened to music of every year wow interesting i don't know if i have one artist that dominates that way i have the artists that i've liked the longest like the rappers that i've known the longest and listened to the longest but i don't know if i listen to them consistently enough that it could be them so i mean that's going to be a question that prior to the like advent of podcasts it probably was like talk radio yeah but before then before that it's just like who you happen to talk to the most going forward it's going to be like all podcasts all the time. Right.

If you're a diehard Joe Rogan fan and you have multiple like four-hour long podcasts to listen to, it's probably Joe Rogan far and away. It's Joe Rogan by the end of the week. Right. You get obsessed with Joe Rogan. Right, right, right. All right. So let's break it down then. Let's do an impromptu top five.

The top five voices you've heard the most in your lifetime. Okay. I will go one, you. And me too. One, you. So second pick. Two, I will go my mom. You know what?

I'm going to go one, my mom, two, you. Okay. I think I probably talk to my mom. Because I still talk to my mom every day. I can talk to her pretty much every day. And I'll hop on like sometimes we're on like long phone calls and shit. So I'm going to go my mom one, you two. gonna go me one you two your mom two yeah i think so it's it's definitely close right but like i talk to you for hours at least hours a day yeah like i

i talked to my mom like but the but the first 20 years right so you got 20 years on you yeah but the i think i think it's still gonna be you yeah but yeah i i talked about i'm pretty much every day and sometimes it gets between one and two yeah yeah all right then now now now they're getting gets good okay three i'm gonna go i think it's probably jim nance i listen to games i mean we were the new england patriots jim nance called every game. CBS games, yeah. And then. So you get him at least.

But that's like three hours, four hours a week. Right. That's more than I listen to most people. So that's, for my number three, it's Francesca probably far and away. Right. That makes sense. I mean, I had a diehard. Actually, I'm surprised Francesca, because he's.

Like, you watched Mike Francesca on TV. Television. That was the craziest thing. You know what? Mike Princess on television. That was the craziest thing. You know what? Mike might beat you. Yeah. I mean, I got like that would make sense because Mike had a five hour, six hour

show, you know. So I'm going to have to probably amend that because then but then also for the last several years, it was like I was working and I would see like Francesa clips, but I wasn't like sitting in front of my when I was at work or working from home I had Mike on all afternoon every afternoon

but he takes all the summers off eventually I started working during the afternoons like to the point that I couldn't listen and I do talk to you almost every so alright I'm going to leave it Mike Francesa 3 3 okay I will go 4 I'm going to go Mark Robesh the music angle.

It is. It's very. I just can't think of who would be beating him. If I'm thinking about musicians, I can't imagine I've listened to anybody more than OAR in my life. I think four for me is kind of an odd one. I think it's probably Boomer Esiason. From the morning show and football. Yeah.

Carton kind of dipped out for a couple years at the end there. But Boomer's still gone over 10 years, and I get him on Sundays. I mean, Boomer's a good answer. Yeah, probably Boomer. All right, I'm going to go five. Probably my dad. Yeah, I probably should throw my dad in.

Poor dad. Yeah. I mean, I'm trying to think of my music angle like i don't think i have anybody like i said that i listened to enough to really give that title billy joel was probably the most consistent like from start to finish that i've listened to billy joel was in your house oh probably my brother my brother oh right yeah yeah my brother that's an interesting it's interesting to see whether you have people in your life or like if you're a fan of something, you know?

It's like either, you know, your closest loved ones or like your favorite radio host, you know? All right. Let us know your top five most listened to voices in your life. Let's get into our interviews. Let's start off with Bert Kreischer. Bert Kreischer. Bert Kreisler.

Bert Kreisler burt kreisler he is uh i think the most prolific comedian of our time prolific what a word yeah and i i don't even think you can dispute that the amount of work that guy does doesn't miss a beat doesn't stop we outline it today on the interview he's got like four shows two netflix specials and a fucking partridge in a pear tree genuinely good dude good dude. Hard worker. Awesome cat. Very funny. He's the best brought to you by movement watches.

If you want to get the perfect gift this year, it's movement. You got to make sure you spend enough, but not too much. You got to make sure it's something cool, but not, you know, too like flashy or too,

you know, it's got, it can't be garbage, but it can't be like over the top. It's gotta be the perfect in between. And that's where movement comes in with watches and accessories and sunglasses and glasses that look cool, are stylish, fashionable,

affordable, and high quality made. We've been wearing the watches for years now during the summertime. At least I'll wear the sunglasses. You're going to hit the slopes. You might be wearing them during the winter. If you're crazy. And now they've got the blue light filtering glasses which are the spectacles that help keep

your eyesight on point while you look at screens and tablets and phones and all that blue light that just make your eyeballs bleed uh so for the gift giving they've got you know what's cool about them the box it comes in you could just give it to somebody forget about the wrapping it comes in. You could just give it to somebody. Forget about the wrapping. It comes in like this black matte box with the stuffing styrofoam in there. The watch comes set into it. So it looks like you did a nice presentation when you didn't really do a goddamn thing. So get the men's watches, the women's watches, big face, little face, colored, black, white, all sorts of leathers, all sorts of metals, everything you need to mix and match and make a great watch. And then you can match your accessories.

It's a whole fucking movement, folks. Shipping is fast. They get free returns. And so right now you can save on the biggest sale of the year with their Black Friday sale when you go to MVMT.com slash KFC. Free shipping, free returns, and the Black Friday sale at movement, the biggest of their year. It's MVMT.com slash KFC.

Speaking of Black Friday, check out the Barstool Sports Store. We have a lot of stuff in there. A lot. A lot dropping. A lot of Viva stuff, a lot of Sadiva stuff a lot of sad boy season stuff a lot of other stuff i will actually go i got we got three fire shirts coming with what oh yeah yeah yeah we got a whole new line coming a little pop culture line i will shoot you absolutely straight i need a couple more goddamn jet shirts and a couple more clown shirts to pay for my hyundai

so we are going to call it the the hyundai Hyundai Fund to either make sure that I can drive my children around or make sure that I have money left over after fixing my car to buy them Christmas gifts. So one way or another, you are supporting Shane Keegan by buying Goddamn Jets t-shirts or hoodies and buying the Clown Nose de Blasio shirt, both of which are eternal, both of which you can wear for seasons to come.

So buy the Goddamn to come so buy the goddamn jets buy the the clown nose buy sad boy buy viva and uh make sure that we can you know celebrate christmas too you there big boy yeah there he is what's up brother how you guys doing we're doing good man how about you? I'm doing... I need an intervention. Well, I think that's something that Bert Kreischer has probably needed for quite a long time now, but in what sense? Yeah, what do we need an intervention

for? I just need, like, I need someone to drug me at four o'clock in the afternoon so that I just go to sleep. If I could get a Bill Cosby-esque guy to just come in and roofie that first drink i have and then put me to bed instead of last night last night i got i i mean this i'm so almost embarrassed to this but like i was i were building a new house and so i brought

my parents over my parents were out here and we all went out and we had some champagne to like kind of celebrate. It's still really long away. And, and all of a sudden I get one glass of champagne and I, and, and it's, and the sunset. And I listen,

I listen to widespread panic comes on the radio. And, and I'm like, man, I haven't listened to widespread in a while. Next thing you know, I am cooking three blue aprons at a time, smoking weed,

listening to widespread panic shirtless behind my house, smoking a joint by myself. And I end up in the pool smoking a cigar. Here's the problem. I wake up this morning thinking, man, I did good. I probably didn't eat. I ate three blue aprons and I smoked a cigar. And I'm like, oh, my God, I was a mess last night. I went off the rails.

And you were solo for most of this? Like in the beginning, you had your parents and your family, but then the rest of it is just you hanging? My girls in the back. Oh, and then I got in a fight with my daughters because I go, hey, you guys need to clean up the kitchen. And they're like, they walked in and they're like, you made the mess. Why are we going to clean up the kitchen?

We didn't eat any of this food. And then my wife was in, my wife's don't even get me started, but my wife's taking classes at UCLA. So she was doing a zoom meeting back here, like in her class. And so I'm by myself in the pool, just smoking a cigar, listening to watch for a panic. See,

you know what? I, I, I was thinking that I also need an intervention, but I don't need an intervention. I just got to talk to Bert. So I'm like, Oh,

I only had two glasses of whiskey last night. I'm fine. I didn't, I didn't smoke. I didn't cook food. I just got to talk to Bert. So I'm like, oh, I only had two glasses of whiskey last night. I'm fine. I didn't cook food. I was shirtless eating like a day old Domino's pizza. And I was just kind of like, I left it out on my kitchen table and I was just like standing there

eating that in the dark. But that's like, that's child's play compared to Bert. Nothing compared to what I did. So what you need to do is... Dude, i cooked a butternut squash like what so what we need to set up is almost like a pyramid scheme we're like i just talked to you and i'm like i'm fine and maybe you need someone else richard yeah you gotta find a real you have a zoom with keith richards today what'd you do last night and be like oh i, oh, I'm good. Don't worry about it. I called Stan Hope.

But here's the thing, man. And I just heard you talk about this on BurtCast with Adam Devine. Like, you deserve it, dude. You are legitimately, like, the hardest working guy in fucking comedy. It's crazy how much you do. So if you want to black out and cook a butternut squash then suck and fucking so be it man yeah right i mean seriously you you have what four podcasts now right you you you you didn't stop working you're the only person in the world who just didn't stop working during coronavirus you probably worked more than ever you got two shows and a fucking

partridge in a pear tree it's it's of course you need to unwind man dude i i literally i can't i'm not i and i'm i i've made a statement and i've and i regret very much regret but i used to talk trash about kevin hart when he'd say he's the hardest working man that's why he says yeah i remember that i was like i i get so worked up because i really believe in luck more than i do hard work. I really genuinely do. Because if you're not lucky, you don't get the opportunity to work. Like, you got to get lucky a couple times so that people go,

oh, I want to go see his shows. But, like, I am definitely – I'm starting to empathize with him because we must have that same gene where I go, if I'm not working, I start losing my mind. Like, I can't just sit on my hands. And so when the pandemic started i was like i was like why i'm not gonna just not tour like i'll figure out a new way to tour yeah like i mean some people have come up with brilliant brilliant brilliant ways to do stand-up there's there's a

place i used to do last unlimited in sacramento where they give everyone motorcycle helmets and so so everyone's got like headsets on and then you do stand up and everyone's socially distant like it's amazing it's amazing and they do it outdoors so people are walking by and you'd be like look at this fat couple it's amazing so i i'm one of those people i love a workaround i love a good workaround and so and so i can't i i didn. And so I came up with the idea to my agent of doing drive-ins. I'm sure a bunch of people came up with that idea at the exact same time. But my agent found a way to do drive-ins. Yeah.

I mean, you did it right away. You didn't miss a beat. We've done 40 cities. My very last show was in Escondido on the 28th. Three shows just out of the Friday show. And yeah, and then the cabin came out and I did a talk. I did a game show with Snoop Dogg.

And we doubled down. Me and Bill have a podcast, Bill Burt. And then me and Tom have one, Two Bears, One Cave. And both of us just doubled down. And then I started doing extra episodes of Burtcast because I knew I was tearing through podcasts. So I was like, I might as well put the content out. And, yeah, I feel like I'm.

But, yeah, all right. So maybe at one point you got lucky. What would you say was, like, your break? I mean, I know the machine was when you popped. But, like, did you get lucky in the sense of, like, it fell into your lap? Oh, are you kidding me? 1997, Rolling Stone Magazine discovered me and Coleman in the wrong part of the country. I mean, like, I look at that. Like, I can't help right i mean like i look at that like i

can't help and like look other people's luck like i was talking to sagura about his luck and he goes because we were trying to quantify times when we made a decision and went this way for whatever luck reasons and it could have gone otherwise and sagura pinpointed his he goes all right he goes i'm doing the maxim comedy tour char Charlie Murphy and Joe Rogan and John Heffron. And Charlie Murphy wants to go to dinner. And I'm like through the roof and I start to leave with Charlie Murphy and Joe Rogan stops me and says, Hey man, you're funny. We should work together more. And Tom's like, I'm trying to get out the door to go catch Charlie Murphy.

Right. You know? And he's like, had I not left at the time I did, I would never have become friends with Joe the way I am. And then I start going and then I start looking at it because I'm hardcore like butterfly effect sliding doors. And then I start going, that would have fucked up my career. If you hadn't met Rogan, I wouldn't have met him. Like, what the fuck? Right. So you have those moments. But now, you know, you could have just been like,

all right, two bears, one cave is a success, and, like, that's what I do. But you decided to add, like, five other things and do ten other shows, and so, you know, you take that luck, but now it's hard work on top of it. That's why you're really where you're at. Well, I love what I do. That's another lucky thing is I don't – don't by the way this is a job technically like us talking but i don't consider this work at all no not at all there are millions of people listening to you right now going uh yeah this i would do their job for free and so that's the

other part is that when you get into an opportunity where people would do your job for free you then just have to go all right i'm gonna focus and so but it is i i always say it is a hard job that we're not coal miners it's not fucking physically demanding but like this it's hard to come in and be like all right what are we going to talk about today do i do i have the energy to talk about this like what what what's the topics why how long do i have to sit here like when i get up my ass is going to be sweaty my brain's going to hurt because we have i have to like rarely do you have to focus and be so zoned in for an hour two hours however long you're doing the show so when you walk away i i always say when i get home and like i'm like i just i just don't want to talk today because i

did like four shows today and i don't want to talk because my brain hurts i just want to sit here have a glass of whiskey and just be in silence cook a butternut squash right and you feel like an asshole but like I am emotionally exhausted. I'm not physically exhausted. It wasn't the hardest thing I ever did. I didn't break my back, but it's fucking hard. And to do that four shows,

five shows a week is, is a lot. My parents just, my parents just came out to LA on my tour bus. And my dad was like, this is exhausting being on a bus all day. Like I get done and I'm like, I'm like drained. And I go, imagine doing two shows in a bus all day. Like I get done and I'm like, I'm like drained.

And I go, imagine doing two shows in a drive-in now. Right, exactly. And he was like, oh my God. Like he didn't realize, cause you're right. There are times like I did Two Bears with Tom yesterday and it was like a really intense episode. And then we sat, cause we're, we're doing another live. We do these live events.

Oh yeah, we'll get into it. And, and there're and we're planning the live event of what we're gonna do and and then and then you get home and i i know it sounds like i'm not a coal miner i'll tell you what man i respect i like i like i respect fat people who lose weight because then because that's work like that's what you don't no one wants to get on the treadmill no one wants to change their life out i respect sober people i never respected sober people before i never i thought they were weak i thought they were weak they couldn't get their shit together i agree with that though i i whole heartedly agree with that still because it's not that if you are sober right and you you lived a

life right and you partied and all that shit and then i'm like okay i get it like you you. Like you, you might've, you hit the breaking point and you're like, I can't do this anymore. People who never even stepped to the ledge. Those are people who freak me out because you're scared to be somewhat like, you're like, Oh, if I let my guard down, I'll start being someone else. Cause I know how fucked up I am in here. Whereas like when I get drunk, I know I'm just going to be me. Like it's fine. I know I don't have some dark triad inside of me that's gonna fucking scare everyone and probably get me arrested and shit like i'm just gonna be a pretty fun guy and get fucked up if you're scared to take that plunge there's something wrong with you you're saying that sober people are weak i mean it's like they're overcoming addiction and staying away from something using mental fortitude but people who didn't do it.

Right, right, right. The strength is to stop after two bottles of wine. Right. I used to think this is going to sound absolutely horrible and I'd like to apologize to them before I start this, but I used to look I used to look

down on Jim Norton and Bobby Kelly because they quit drinking when they were like 15 i was like you guys never even charged it man you didn't do mushrooms like what the fuck oh you guys oh you guys had a couple drinks went to juvie i guess i love it. But I think, though, it might be mentally taxing for a lot of other comedians or podcasters or anybody in entertainment. But I feel like it just comes very naturally with you. Like anything I've ever listened to you on, the way that you're like, like you always kind of set the scene up with Tom or you come up with the hypothetical or you say like, OK, OK, how about this? What if we blah blah blah and i feel like these type of ideas or scenarios or whatever you pitch just like pop into your brain like you know you don't have to sit around and think about it and like grind it out i feel like that's just how your brain works am i right

i'm a fight or flight guy so like i can't can't like, uh, Rogan was always like, he's always about, uh, getting behind the computer and writing his act out, you know, and like writing bits or writing, like coming up with ideas and writing that way. I'm not that way. I can definitely, I can write. I mean, I wrote a book, I can write like that. But for me, for some reason, it's like, it needs to be in the moment. Like even just us laughing about my night last night just for the record i woke up bummed out about last night like i woke up really upset with myself and my wife came in bed and was like hey do you remember our conversation and i

was like no and then i'm like oh wow i fought with my wife last night like this was not a great night but then for whatever reason when i get with you two guys or when i get with tom or bill it for whatever reason the the the adrenaline of the moment makes me helps me with thinking and it helps me line up my thoughts and and so i i i i i'm not saying i'm quick at things but like the the fight or flight part is why I can write on stage. It's why I get with Tom and I just start, I mean, I, I mean, that guy makes me laugh so fucking hard. And I mean, I told a story, I told a story to him the other night that I have, that happened to me and it is not funny, but when I told it to him,

we were crying, laughing. Right. And I was like, and I, and I, and I was like, Oh my God, I'm going to tell that. I got to tell that on stage. But for whatever reason, it happened. It would happen. Yeah. Well, that's what I mean. I feel like you guys just naturally find the humor in things.

And maybe it's your compartmentalizing or it's a defense mechanism. Or I'm sure there's something deep psychological why it happens. But when you can always just see the matrix and it's like that i can turn that into funny i can turn that into a bit it just flows with you guys like effortlessly but it's also it's also i'm really safe around him like the story was is should be a and and he's got a very perverse sense of humor the story is about a special needs woman and and i didn't you know i don't i personally don't find i don't find like mocking special needs people hilarious right and i and then so in this moment as a parent i saw the story

one way but then when i tell the story to tom i realized oh there's an opening in here that is that is fun really funny and you're not mocking this maybe you are a little bit but not really mocking the special needs person you're mocking your own inability like yeah i was mocking myself right and so and man i'm i'm like so pumped for this story i can't wait to get back on stage i'm on stage this weekend and next weekend in escondido and i'm i'm like so pumped how quickly do you work something like so that happened what a week or two ago and now you have it as like a polished bit or you're just gonna let it rip up there and kind of tell like story tell no for whatever reason i wish i'd recorded it telling it to tom but for whatever reason it worked telling it to

tom uh-huh it worked and and then i went okay now when i take it on stage it won't work i'll be very conscious like if i told it to you right now it wouldn't work you know yeah i'll tell you right now so so and this is by the way and so for whatever reason the first time you tell it you're very you're not you're not seeing the bushes in the forest you're just walking through the forest the second time you see it you start seeing the bushes and you're like oh shit like it's like skydiving when you go skydiving the first time it's amazing the second time you're like you should have pulled the chute by now right yeah you have a little bit of knowledge and now you're fucking yeah overanalyzing whatever well let it rip i'm gonna i'm not gonna overanalyze

i'll just tell you the story by the way i'm this is gonna sound horrible and this will be getting me canceled and you're gonna go wow you should have just worked out on the stage so so we were we were performing in boston me dave Williamson, my cousin Andrew's with us. And, uh, and it's the three of us and we're performing in Boston and we got to make all the flight, make the bus ride to like New York to catch a flight.

It is, we stay up all night. We party, we get to the airport, we start drinking at the airport and we're, we have a 6am flight, like the earliest flight out. And I have nothing to do that

day dave williamson has to go spend the day with his kids he's got to be a parent all day right and he's like it's fine i'm gonna just sleep on the plane and i was like cool so we get on the plane and i get my headsets in i have a cocktail we're sitting before takeoff and uh oh my dog just locked me in my my dog just hit the lock button on my door in what then like your studio here where are you right now my dog just climbed over the thing and hit lock and just got down so so we got on the plane i got my headsets on i get a double a double jack on the rocks i'm i'm like i'm passing out immediately right so right before takeoff i take my headsets on my phone's blowing up.

I take my headsets on and it's Dave and Andrew texting back and forth. And there, and as I take my headsets off, I hear an elephant. It sounds like an elephant. It's just like loud as shit. And it's directly like, it's two rows behind me. And I took my phone and it's Dave and Andrew texting. I go, what the fuck is that noise? And my cousin Andrew writes, there's a special needs woman in the front row.

And apparently she has some ticks. And I write, I was like, I was, I read, is that that noise? And they're like, and Andrew writes, yes, she's with her grandmother. Her grandmother is a fucking saint and people are being kind of rude about it. And then I go, I write back, are you near her? And Andrew goes, I'm sitting behind her. And then Dave chimes in. I'm sitting next to her. Oh boy. And I write Dave and I go, Dave, do you think you're going to get any sleep today? And he writes back,

definitely no sleep. And then right back. Definitely. Definitely. Definitely. So I write back back is she hot and dave dave writes back i wouldn't say she's hot no so i'm like all right whatever so i put my head i'm like not to be a dick but like as a parent i i empathize with the grandmother that it's gotta it's to be rough to have a child with tics yeah everyone's looking at and kind of like making eyes going we wanted to sleep on this flight but dave's also a dad so i know he's gonna be fine with it so we take off and uh and i pass out and i wake up and i've only been asleep i feel great but i've only been asleep like an hour and a half we still have like four hours left on this ride and this flight. And I hear the noise has gotten worse.

It is so bad that I'm like, I'm like, oh my God. So I decided to do the solid move. I go to the flight attendant and I say, listen, my buddy, Dave has got two kids. He's got to stay with his kids all day. He is sitting next to that special needs woman. I said, listen, can I get a double Jack on the rocks from you and then i'm gonna switch seats with him in first class i'm gonna let him sit in first class and get to sleep because i'm i don't need yeah listen i can deal with that i got kids i don't have a problem with that i

understand i'm not gonna be bothered by it but uh good friend that's some band of brothers shit man yeah right right i'm a solid dude so and then i tell her i go listen don't don't give him drinks keep sending the drinks back to me and coach. I'm sitting in his seat. Keep sending the drinks back to me. And she looks at me and she goes, you are a saint. And I was like, my name is Burt Kreiser. I'm on tour.

Make sure you tell the paparazzi about this and let me get some good press. She gives me a double jack on the rocks. And I start walking back to where Dave's sitting in bulkhead and coach. I open the curtain and the first thing i see is the grandma the grandma is a saint and she is cool as a cucumber she is calm and she is stroking the leg of the special needs woman and i then see the special needs woman who is six foot three looks like she cuts her hair with a knife. And she has two oven mitts taped to her hands. What? I look at Dave, who is fucking stone-faced like this, going... I take my drink.

I give it to Dave. I go, good luck, buddy. And I go... I get oven mitts taped to her fucking hands. This woman's violent i mean come on that's funny you know i was gonna try to help you until i realized it was dangerous i'm not gonna risk my life here pal i'm just gonna get some shut eyes catch a fucking elbow so i didn't i didn't i totally forgot about that and then tom and i were telling stories and then all of a sudden tell the story and then you tell the first time

you know you know you got a good end to it right you know the end and i mean i'm telling you when i saw that shit oven mitts duct taped her hands i was like my face went like this and i realized dave's been dealing with whatever's going on for two hours and hours. And I'm like, I am not double-dutching into this. Gave him my drink and went back to the flight attendant. And she goes, it's the oven mitts. I said, yeah. I like how you started, too, with like sometimes just like it's not making fun of these people. You just don't know how to deal with them, really. And I definitely don't because the entire time, and I'm still not sure if I'm wrong here,

I was picturing that she's covered in tics. Like when you were like, and she's oven mitts, I'm like, well, no wonder the tics are bothering her because she can't scratch at all. Oh, you're an idiot. I love it. I love it. Yeah, but for whatever reason, like, and then see that I'll tell it on stage and it'll be too quiet for times and then I'll rush it. I love it. Yeah, but for whatever reason, like, and then see, I'll tell it on stage. And it'll be too quiet for times, and then I'll rush it or whatever it is. And then you just got to punch up the story.

You got to find the story. It's the, it's the, it's sometimes a good misunderstanding is like what makes a bit great. And then, or just, I don't know. I like a good reveal. So, and, but, but I have a story, I have a story right now that I'm closing on that's so good. And it's about me finding a lost kid that the first time I knew when it happened to me, I knew this was a good story because I found a lost kid. I found a lost kid. I found a lost kid. I'll tell you,

I'll tell you very quickly, but it'll listen. If you're going to come see me live, do not listen to the story. This is my closing bit right now. Okay. But it's a good story. It's a really, really good story because, and I'm going to, I'm going to work it through how I would as a bit to explain why, what I liked about it. So I thought it was on 4th of July a year ago, one full year ago. And I found this kid and, and I couldn't, I, he, I, he was crying. I was with my daughters. We were

on a parade and he was crying aggressively. And I was like, buddy, what's the matter? And he was like, um, I'm lost. And I was like, uh, like kindergarten. And I'm like, yeah. And in a parade, right. And so I'm like, I'm a parent. So I'm like, what's the matter? And he's like, I'm lost. I'm like, is your mom here? And he's like, I don't know. I parent so i'm like what's the matter and he's like i'm lost i'm like is your mom here and he's like i don't know i said what's your mom's name he's like i don't know i was like okay i was like okay is your dad here and he goes i don't know i said what's your dad's name he goes oh like david maybe michael i'm like jesus this kid's a fucking mess do you know your name and he's like he's like he like, my name's Nathan. And so we find this kid, and we start walking through the parade. Me and my daughter's trying to find his family, yelling loud as fuck, going like, how the fuck are we going to find him?

He doesn't even know his parents' name. And finally, and then, by the way, this is the misdirect. This is what I love. A kid in his class, I'm telling you the very skinny version, a kid in his class recognizes him. Go over to that kid. He's with his family. And I go, hey, he's lost. And the dad's like, like oh his family's like right next door and i'm like oh okay cool so i go over next door i'm like hey i found a nathan is anyone did anyone lose a nathan

he is really lost he's confused he is there a david maybe a michael this dude comes out the dude comes out and he, and he's like, my name's David. And I said, do you have a Nathan? He goes, I do. I said, well, he's freaking out. He's kindergarten age. And he goes, yeah. He's freaking out.

He's lost. And he goes, my Nathan's not lost. And I went, excuse me? And he goes, my son's not lost. And I went, OK, but you have a Nathan? And he said, yeah. I said, well, do you want to come and take a look? And he goes, I'll look, but it's not my son.

And I went, whatever. Like, who do you think this is how I meet dudes? And he goes, I'll look, but it's not my son. And I went, whatever. Like, what do you think? This is how I meet dudes. Like, get the fuck over here. Come on. As we start to walk over to see Nathan, my daughters are with him. Another dude comes out and he goes, did you say you have a Nathan? And I said, yeah. And he goes, I have a Nathan.

I said, what's your name? And he goes, Michael. And I went, oh, I go, David, it's not your Nathan. It's his Nathan. And all of a sudden David goes, Michael, you were supposed to be watching Nathan. Are you drinking again? And I realize all the fucking math in my head. In this moment, I'm like, oh, my God.

Turn the corner, see my daughters. And my daughters are like, shut up. And I'm like, Nathan, look who I found. He's like, daddies? Runs to them. And immediately, my youngest daughter goes that's why he doesn't know his mom's name and so that mister act for me was like oh shit i can write a bit about this punch it up make it funny and then what happened is that by the way this bit

did not work the first time i did it but i have another bit about finding a black dude's wedding ring on a beach when i was like oh he's she's going to connect the two, find the theme. My name's Burt Kreitzer. I find lost things. And then have that be the brilliant bit. And so, but, but you can work it out. Like even still, you got to kind of like sit with it and go, how do I end it? How do I like what my, my favorite part of that whole thing is my wife's a redneck, and she does not use hate language. She always says things in, like, interesting ways. Like when you go, when I said his dads were gay, she goes, oh, his dad is a sugarfoot?

And I went, what? She goes, a sugarfoot, you know, a sissy. And I went, I've never heard that ever in my life. Like, what fucking world are you living in? And then I said, is that Foxworthy? And he goes, oh, yeah, a sissy. A sissy. What the fuck, word?

I thought a sugar foot is what you call diabetic people. Either way, sugar foot sounds worse than hate speech. Someone calls me a sugar foot. By the way, I love being called a sugar foot. I'm probably a salt foot. But, yeah, I mean, everything you described there, man, it's why it works so well with you guys. It just, you know, when you guys get cooking,

especially that latest live show that you alluded to, the next one you're going to do. I mean, the first one was fucking bananas. You guys went nuts. When you went, I got the reveal of owen gray i i've never seen and and then you did it this week when when tom got you that fucking electric bike and you were just like dude you are the best friend ever like you make me so happy that when when he did that for you with owen gray that was maybe like the most wholesome friendship moment I've ever seen.

You were so happy and so grateful. And then the way that you interviewed Owen Gray as if you were talking to fucking Michael Jordan about basketball. They were like, you were telling him how he fucks it. I mean, it was incredible. Then you showed he was dick. It was wild, man. It was insane. I'm telling you right now.

Tom said to me this week, he goes, you know, because this week on the podcast, we got gay dudes to send their gifts that they've bought their boyfriends. Right. And they are phenomenal. Awesome. Gay dudes buy the best gifts for each other because they know what to get a dude. And they spend some money on it. They want to make you happy they're trying to get you a good gift the way that we do for the women in our lives and it never gets reciprocated and it's dialed in it's like being able to hit a home run

and hitting them yeah i'll tell you right now i am i am planning tom's birthday for april his birthday's in april i'm planning my gift now and I am trying, I'm trying, I may not hit it, but my goal price point, because for everyone that doesn't know, Tom bought me an e-bike and it was like the best present I've ever got. He spent $3,000 on my birthday, like $3,000. My wife spent like 1500 bucks. He spent $3,000. I don't even fuck this guy. And so I said to him, I said, this is our challenge for every birthday. We will get the next person. The next person's birthday.

We'll spend more than the last guy spent. So I've got to spend more than $3,000. My goal. I'm looking at a present that costs $311,000 right now. What? 311. Dude, let's get to a million before I'm 50. Let's get to a million before I'm 50. Let's get to a million before I'm fucking 50.

Are you getting a Lamborghini? I guess you can't reveal it. Listen, listen, listen. $300,000 for your buddy? Listen, this is what I know. I'm blessed in the way that I can leverage my services

for a product. Right now, I'm shopping my services out to a number, a number of businesses saying, here's what I can give you. Here's what I offer you. I offer you, uh, for advertising on my podcast.

I can offer you all these things. I'll shoot commercials for you. I'll do whatever you need. I just want to, I want to spend it. I got to break a hundred grand. That's my thing. I got to break a hundred grand.

I would love to get to 300 grand because if I spend 300 grand then you know it's not half a mil yeah yeah and then for my 49th birthday i'm gonna get a half a million dollar present are you fucking kidding me i mean i know i know you said this is for a guy you're not fucking but if you guys keep on this path you're gonna have to eventually fuck each other just be like listen nah you know yeah i'd be cool with it i'd be cool with it i mean it's it's such a you know to have someone who is consistent this is what's i mean amazing about having like friend like friends that you work with but to have someone who consistently agrees with your ideas even when they're stupid and allows you to help think them through. Which is a very important

trait for if your buddy's with Bert Kreischer. You got to get all that wacky shit out there and let you fucking navigate it. Last night I got into a fight with my wife because I said because I guess I said because I'm the dad and I said so. She goes, what about

me? My wife can't even agree with me in a hypothetical situation i mean we were we we we were at it we were at dinner with some friends this is like a week ago we were dinner and you know everyone's leaving la and all my friends and my and they said hey burt where would you hypothetically where would you move if you could if you were gonna leave la and I went probably Florida, I love, I love Florida Key West would be my, and let my wife goes, hold on. You're not going to talk to me about this. And I went, it's a hypothetical situation. And she goes, I know, but still,

I don't want to live in Florida. I go, Hey, they didn't say, Hey, Bert, can you consult with your wife? Get back to me in a month as opposed to right now where it's convenient and we can continue this conversation. I go, what was I supposed to say to them to them you know what i can't answer hypotheticals without running them by my way i was so angry i was like i was like they just said hypothetically hypothetically i think i think that i'm going to generalize here i think girls sometimes have a hard time living in that fantasy world because everything is supposed to be so real.

Right. And so, like, no, we're just – this isn't real. We're just fucking around. We're just making up fake things. When we're in fucking first grade, you know, like, who would win in a fight? Or who's your favorite this? Or could you – what's your favorite superpower? And, like, dumb shit.

Who would win, LeBron or Jordan? Right. We can't figure it out. We're just going to yell at each other about our stupid opinion. They don't do any of that. It's all so real to them. I can't even pitch a good idea to my wife without her shooting it down initially and then going, like, for Tom's birthday present. I go, I want to show you what I want to get Tom.

And I pull up a picture and I flip it. And she just goes, no. I'm putting an end to this. I go, hang on. Hang on. I haven't told you anything about my no, I'm, I'm putting an end to this. I go, hang on, hang on. I haven't told you anything about my idea. She goes, I'm looking at your idea. I go, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not paying for it. She goes, well, then how are you getting it? I'm like, I was going to tell you all of this. I was going to tell you all of this. You adjust that seriously.

Like the way a dude would seriously, seriously. mean i you know tom and i've had some of the like let me tell you something on that live gig we did we tethered our penises together with electrodes and got electrically shocked by uh by a dominatrix for those you not that didn't watch it that's what happened and so the the the purity in in a relationship when you're sitting in a room with another man holding on to electrodes that need to go around your dick and you hand it to him and you say put this on your dick and he goes i think this is a bad idea and you go trust me and he does it yeah that's the ride or die no i mean when when when you guys walked in that room with the dominatrix tom at first was a little uncomfortable just taking his shirt off.

And by the end of it, he had electrodes on his dick and he was getting like fingers in his ass. I mean, you he followed you to the end of the earth. He followed you into the gates of hell in his eyes. Yeah. And my wife would never do that. Like she just goes, no, I'm not doing that. You know I've got a back problem. By the way, I don't mean to shit on my wife, but she's a great woman

if you're comparing her against other women. You just can't compare her against a man. My relationship with Tom is so much stronger than my relationship with my wife. But of course it is. Of course it is. There's it is. There's no complications. There's no drama. It's just all the good shit.

I got a doctor that prescribed us peptides, right? Like peptides, no one even knows what they are. They're not FDA approved, but they help you lose weight and look young, right? So I get 25 peptides sent to my house. Shot. You inject yourself with shots. By the way, guy didn't take my blood results. Guy, I don't even know if the guy's got an office, right?

Who knows? I get them, and my wife goes, what's in them? I go, does it matter? I go, we're going to look young. And she goes, I'm not taking them. And I go, you mean serious? And she goes, I'm not taking them. So I talk to Tom, and he goes, have you started taking those peptides yet? I said, no, Liam won't take them. And he goes, I'll take hers.

And I'm like, that's what a friend is! Yes! 100%! A friend injects themselves with anything! Yeah! I said, no, Liam won't take them. And he goes, I'll take hers. And I'm like, that's what a friend is. Yes. A friend injects themselves with anything. That's why it works, man. You know, we did a, like, I mean, by the way, now I'm doing, because I'm in therapy because of this, because she just, she takes my ideas and just shuts them down. Whereas Tom, I've said the dumbest thing. When I tell you, I'll tell you off air

what Tom and I are doing for the next live gig we're going to do. We're doing another live gig. I can't tell you the day, but we haven't announced it yet. Let's just say New Year's. Anyway. Let's just say it's a day.

We'll play it today, but right around the stroke of midnight. Anyway, so the idea that we're doing is so hilarious. It's so, I mean, it literally is maybe the greatest idea I've ever had that is the worst idea for my career like the the thing that may get me not any more work ever again but the fact that i'm doing it with tom gives it a green light for it to be hilarious right now if i told it to my wife by the way i told this to my wife my wife would be like no fucking way like just no no no and just

this doesn't she doesn't see the possibilities of, of, and maybe, maybe it's just like, listen, Tom and I are just creative dudes who see endless possibilities in comedy, and she isn't. She's someone that lives, very tactile, lives in the moment, and she's like, hmm, that doesn't make sense. Why would anyone like that?

Does that affect you, though? Because, like, I, when I have what I think is a great idea And obviously it does affect you Because you said you're in therapy And then like one person says No that's not a good idea I believe them because I have more faith in them than I have in myself

Whereas I'm like So I can't tell basically anyone but Kevin anything Where I'm like alright this will be good He's like yeah we'll give it a try sure And we're not nearly as extreme as you are It's more like talking about things and shit. But there's the second someone tells me they don't think it's a good idea. I'm like, fuck it.

Never mind. Let's skip it. And the negative always gets harder than the positive. You know, you have 10 people say that's a great idea. The one guy who shits on it is what you focus on. Yeah, I stopped telling my ideas. I'll tell you. I'll tell you a great idea.

I had an idea on the treadmill i was watching uh netflix did a documentary on the challenger explosion yeah and immediately i just said tom and i should do a movie called fat astronauts and right okay so this is it's like i'm super excited i walk in and i tell my wife and she goes that's dumb why would they send fat people to space i was like why would they send fat people to space? I was like, why would they send fat? You just asked a question. You asked a question that this movie clearly will answer. That's why we would answer it in this proper movie. What do you mean?

Are you being serious? That is a, that's a, that's a hilarious answer. I think one that should be 90 minutes long and end with a fucking two fat guys saving the Earth. I told it to Tom. Tom not only thought it was a great idea, mentioned it in a meeting and fucking practically sold it. It's like, so now we're going to make fat astronauts.

If that is not made, I would be stunned. Especially you guys, you painted that picture of at one point, don't you like slaughter a bunch of porn stars in the spaceship or something? There's like dead porn stars floating by. I mean, it's going to be the, not only

is it a good idea, it's going to be like the funniest movie of all time, but she, you know, but you also... You must be like, hey, if you didn't turn down these good ideas, then you already have an answer to how I'm paying for this $300,000 gift because we're making a lot of fucking money. You don't even have to ask.

You're not allowed to say that in our house. You can't say daddy makes all the rules. Daddy makes all the money. That's a big no-no apparently. But it's all rooted, as you said, in her. Like she doesn't want you to look stupid or do anything bad for your career. But sometimes you just got to say yes and like just let me do my thing you know but you guys have listened i came out with a lot i mean a lot of my ideas a lot of my ideas are stupid and just stupid and like i can own that i'm cool

with letting but i'm also cool with letting an idea fail and there's so many people that are not or that are afraid to fail here's what happens when you get a little bit of a success there's a very easy road you can take you can do red carpets and you can do access hollywood which by the way i did the other day was really fun but you can do like you know like you can do stuff like that and then and then kind of stay in the safe modular path of it do a podcast don't curse on it don't say aggressive things and and then and then but i never found that fun or or you could be a comedian and not to drive in movie theaters that's what i mean there are a lot of guys that said and then by the way tom was my best friend said i think that's a bad idea i don't want to be a guinea pig right now in what's going on in this world and i just was like

i think it's a good idea i'm gonna do it and so i'm the kind of person that goes i think it's a good idea i'm gonna do it i've had a lot of bombs like a lot of bombs but like i stand by there's certain ideas that i stand by where i go just let me let i had the idea for something's burning my current cooking show i pitched it to food network and they passed they said who's gonna watch a guy who can't cook and i went i don't know i think i would yeah it was funny right and now it's got millions of downloads on youtube right you're like and so um but my wife is very but here's the crazy thing is that when my wife does like an idea it's usually a banger like if if you can so that's good so she has like the high the high standard where it's like you do know if you got her approval that it's going to be like platinum. And then the other ones, you know, you know, I think that's as long as,

as long as she keeps it consistent, then, you know, We were on it. We were on a call. I was on a call and someone said, you know, I think we'd like you to, I wrote a book, a lot of the party. And we're like, we were interested in you writing another book. And I was like, okay. And so I was like thinking about it. And, and I'm on the treadmill and i'm writing down like just ideas that i have and then i come into my wife i go hey they want me to write another book i go i think i'm gonna write a self-help book and my wife starts laughing

hysterically and goes that is a genius idea because you are the dumbest fucking person when it comes to your life she's like she was like just i want to know what chapter one is like chapter one's give yourself a nickname like and she goes oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god and and and i start and like she goes what's number two chapter number two i go chapter number two is everyone needs a treat and she was like oh my god yeah your fucking way you live life you have been successful with the most fucked up set of rules that you like established for myself. Yep.

And she goes, this is going to be fucking hilarious. And I go, I didn't, I go, it's not gonna be funny. It's going to be for people that need help. She was like,

no, no, no, no. The fact that you're being serious about it means it's going to be hilarious. He was like, Oh my God,

you really think you can help people? I go, listen, baby, there's, there's one or two people out there like Jocko Wilnick or David Goggins. There's millions of birds out there. If I can help a guy like me who is going nowhere in his life at 25 going, maybe I'll operate a lighthouse. Maybe I can fucking get them on the track and we can get a couple scientists out there. I mean, I am very – I reject self-help books because I always think they're written by more to-do people.

And I'm like, look, I'm not going to get up at 6 a.m. every morning and do push-ups and make my bed and all this fucking shit. Right. But if I can just do a little bit, like you said, get me on the right track, I'd read that book right fucking now. Yes. Do it, Burt. Yeah. Actually, to be honest, it only needs to be the two chapters. Give yourself a nickname and the treats thing. Burt subscribes to the idea of you gotta have a treat.

You gotta have the dangling carrot. At the end of the day, I do my work, I get myself a treat. That could be the end of the book, and you're on the right path already. Dude, I'm telling you, one of my buddies is a big movie producer and we were talking about this idea. And I said, and he goes, so like, what are your chapters? And I was like, you know, give yourself a nickname, got to have treats. And he goes, oh, got to have treats.

I went, what? He goes, got to have treats. Oh, my God. Oh, hold on. This makes a lot of sense. And then he started explaining in philosophy and in practicality of like life lessons of philosophers who believed in this thought and he goes you know there's actually some weight to the way you're living your life and i was like really and and then i was like whoa maybe i'm but here's the thing i

have a problem with self-help books is i'm not shitting on i just named david goggins and choco i love those guys i bought both their books i haven't read either of them i bought both their books but like they're not the guys but there are a lot of guys out there i won't name names there are a lot of guys out there that are regurgitating stuff they've heard other self-help people say and just repackaging k hill gabron and going like you know yeah and especially if you have an accent it just sounds like it makes more sense totally Totally. Totally. I go, why not take, you know, why I had a dream one time. I had a dream one time that Matthew McConaughey and I were in a,

in a car and he was telling me philosophizing about life. And I go, man, I'm so sorry. I can't listen to you. I have a hard time. I go, I'm stupid. And all these. All these things you're saying, like, I don't know what they mean and I'm not listening anymore. I go'm not as smart as you and he goes he goes you're smarter than me

i said why and he goes because you have brand new thoughts i'm just telling you stuff i read you have brand new isn't my dream my dreams are never good but you are man to go back to kind of like full circle, like you are a wildly successful dude. I'm sure you're pretty wealthy now. Your family is in great shape. Like, yeah, all right. You like to fucking – you get banged up and you have like goofy ideas. But generally speaking, you are in like the top 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1% of people who have ever walked the earth, Burt Kreischer.

You are – you know what I mean? Think about it.. One percent of people who have ever walked the earth. Bert Kreischer, you are. You know what I mean? Think about it. The trillions of people have been alive. You're like in the elite, elite, elite club. So fuck anybody else who tells you otherwise. Fuck them. It's going to be awkward when you're at my funeral and I play this clip.

Did you put a sizzle reel together? Everyone going, Bert Kreischer ran a marathon with no training at all yeah the Alex Jones of fitness right the Alex Jones of fitness we're gonna rip I definitely

I don't know about that statement but thank you I will definitely think of that when I'm on the treadmill. Yeah, flesh it out. All right, we're going to rip a little answer to the internet before we let you go. I don't know if you remember playing it last time. Hypothetical questions from, all right, so start off here. If you were in an open field with an aluminum baseball bat,

how many 10-year-olds wearing bike helmets could you take down before they got you? You know, this is very amazing. I've actually thought this question before in my life, not with the aluminum baseball bat and not with the helmets, just how many I could defeat. All right, let's see. We can do it your way too. We don't need to do the bat and the helmets.

We can do it your way if you've already thought it out. No, no, no, no. Bats and helmets are good. All right. Bats and helmets are good. Now, I'm facing this off of a round of golf. I'm going to definitely say that I, I start getting tired around 95 swings.

Okay. And that's 95 swings throughout a two hour period. If you're talking about 95 quick swings, right. I'm going to be pretty gassed. I think I can get 35 of them. That is actually the most realistic answer. We've gotten to this question where you thought it, you had a number.

Some people think infinity, like I'll never lose. So 35, so you're talking like 36, eventually you'd tap out and they would just mob you and you'd be done. I'm just figuring every kid, the first few kids are getting one swing, and I'm going to tee off, but you know I'm going to over

swing. You see a dude in a fight start getting gassed after his fifth punch. It's hard. Those first ones are going to gas me out if I can pace myself. Then the next, say, 20 are going to take two swings. Those last ones are going to be three, five swings. You know when you're just

barely moving your arms? 30 kids, 90 swings. This is one of our more dangerous questions, so be careful here. If you could describe your significant other as a day of the week, what day would they be? Oh, boy, Leanne. I mean, you said Monday.

Monday's like the one day you can't say. Every other day, like, there's some goodness to it. I don't know. Tuesday sucks, too. Actually, Tuesday might be the bad day. somebody calls you a tuesday you she's not monday because she's not all just home home home she is she's definitely not friday saturday she might be sunday sunday's a good one yeah sunday because because there is a sense of dread with her that like she looks she's very practical like you know like i have a i have a tooth that it needs to be fixed and i i just said maybe i'll maybe i'll just i'll ride it out see if

i die first now let me just counterpoint let me stand up for leanne for a second she was just on a podcast with christina talking about like how to give really great blowjobs. So, you know, that's why she's a Sunday. That woman could suck her way out of a Chechen prison. I'll tell you. Oh, boy. OK, let's let's let's get crazy. Oh, boy. Okay. Let's get crazy. Would you rather live your life as is, or you could be a billionaire,

but you got to blow a dude every day? Oh, wow. By the way, when you said blow a dude, I almost went, yes, and then I heard every day, and I went, hold it. Wake up in the morning. You brush your teeth. You get ready for the day. And before you head out, you just got to blow a dude real quick.

But you get to be a billionaire. I love that you go, I'm going to brush my teeth, then blow a dude. Well, I think you wake up, you got the dry mouth and shit like that. You're going to get a good blow job, Bert. How long do you want to be down there working? Do you want to come in with a wet mouth or not? Get it over with. Ask Leanne. It gets complicated because as a billionaire, I can do a lot of good for people.

And all I got to do is suck a dick every single day. Every single day, I got to suck a dick knowing that some child in Afghanistan, some girl gets to go to a school in Afghanistan. By the way, right now, I have no idea of politics. I have no idea if women are allowed to go to school or not in Afghanistan. I'm just, I'm just guessing. Is it the same dude? Yeah. Okay, that's it.

That's a little different. What if it's Tom? What if you had to blow Tom every day? Oh, then I'm going to stick with my own self-taught. But if it's a stranger, and it's the same guy every day. And he's clean? Yep. We'll say, you know what?

It's Owen Gray. Bert's like, I'll do it for free. I'll take Owen Gray and the billion dollars. Change the world. Okay, if you could relive, I'm sorry, if you could erase one thing from your mind to be able to relive it again, what would you do? Erase it to relive it?

Yeah. You've done a lot of shit, too. You've lived a life, man. You've got a lot of shit too you've lived a life man you got a lot of thought you know this is gonna sound super cheesy but like i would love to i would love to be a parent again like i would love to go through parenthood again parenthood was so much fucking fun like when i was younger i would love for you to do that and then when you're like you have a newborn again i would go up to you and say bert you did this yourself you wanted this to happen you sick son of a bitch i went when we had our second kid when we had isla i remember the day she was born that night we went to bed and she cried in the middle of the night and i thought

oh fuck why did i do this again exactly i'm just thinking of the good times i just want them to have no i don't i just want to have like i just want to have like walking through the mall with them getting them in the car yeah i don't want to be broke again i don't want to be but like i just i i feel like i missed a lot of that because i was working so that's what I'd want to do. A couple more here. Would you rather go back to 18? I guess this is kind of similar to what you're talking about, but you go back to 18 and you keep all the knowledge, you know,

everything you know now, or you get, let's say you're pretty wealthy now. Let's say $10 million. I don't know how much, I don't know. I have no idea how much money you guys make. You work so fucking much.

Whatever moves the needle for you is some of money like that. Or you get to go back to 18 with the knowledge, you know, now. Okay. Hold on. So, okay.

So I keep saying that, like, I, I don't know what, what fuck you money is, but like, I always think $20 million is a retirement money. Okay.

Like I, I don't know what, I don't know what it is or it isn't, but that's in your mind. Yeah. Okay, so you get the retirement. You get $20 million or you can go back to $18

with the knowledge you have now. I so badly want retirement money. I so badly want. I want that because, man, if you think I'm off the rails now on podcasts, you hear me with fuck you money. You think I would be i would be like i mean i'm i'm pretty reckless now but i even like there's some bits i don't work out because

i'm like yeah it's too risky it's too risky yeah too risky but like yeah i'd take i and by the way i don't think i'd get to where i am today if i went back to 18 because i spend the time i would i didn't fuck anybody like my whole life I've only had sex with six chicks. It's not a regret, but I know for a fact if I was going to do it over, all I'd do is fuck. That's all I'd ever do. I feel like you could have sex with six chicks

or 600 chicks. If you went back in time, I feel like that's what everybody would do. Just fuck more. I feel like it's the one thing everybody wants to do more of. So much more. I would fuck so much more. I would fuck everyone. I used to not fuck people because I thought I don't love them the one thing everybody wants to do more of, right? So much more. I would fuck so much more. I would fuck everyone. I used to not fuck people because I thought I don't love them and I don't want to put myself out there to this person. And they may – what if they love me? Like, I'm going to be respectful.

Fuck that, man. I would fuck everyone. I disagree with – I think I'm a weird person because, like, I don't have that thought. Like, oh, if I could go back i'd have sex more sex because i always had that choice really where i had that moment where i thought to myself that night where like i'm out partying i'm having a good time i'm like look i can either fucking turn this party up to 11 and not be able to get a hard dick or i can go home with a girl tonight and i oh i i don't have one single regret when i chose party 211 I have regrets when I went home with a girl I don't either

it's like when the me too shit went down I was like well I'm out of that race but it's weird because of course I did questionable shit that now you look back and you're like oh I ripped my clothes off at a party I guess some people get you know like whatever but I never

whatever part of me doesn't have the perviness of like going like i'm trying to leverage power or whatever yeah and so so yeah so like uh like don't get me wrong i definitely did questionable shit i remember my wife being like i was like wait so my buddy passed out in college drunk and i put my balls in his mouth you're saying i raped him he's like yeah yeah definitively right yeah shout out to tony or that i have died and i'm only alive in a parallel universe. I have that feeling sometimes, too, where I'm like, how would you know if maybe this is like my afterlife, and it's just incredibly mediocre or something? I don't know.

Oh, this is my afterlife, and this is kind of like heaven. I go back to this one time. Probably should not have said her name. We can blur that out. I remember this one time probably should not have said her name we can blur that out i remember this one girl i remember this one girl was driving and uh we were in high school and she was please blur out her name because i think she was drunk no she was in an accurate she was in an acura and she was flying down uh hyams avenue and flying as she flew through a light and spun the car through the light it literally swerved swerved over swerved swerved did a circle in the center of the like where the traffic light was we had a red light they had greens cars went on both sides of us and she straightened it out and

kept going and we just went yeah i think of that i think of that as the one time i should have died but then there's so many times honestly what if you did die bert what if like that in that moment you died and your afterlife you just like kept moving but there's another world where there was the scene of the crime and you guys were just massacred oh i definitely i actually believe that isn't that crazy i actually believe that i think of times on travel channel where like where i almost died and i go but i'm here i wonder if it just if it just fractures yeah you just keep going in this new universe and if that's the way it works i'm cool with it yeah yeah yeah that is a good way to do it like not really with the hindu where you're reborn as a different animal or you know whatever you're reborn as a different animal or whatever you're reborn as.

It's just like, yeah, you keep living and somewhere else you died. I died in Mexico one time when I got swine flu. I died in Mexico. I remember, man, you want to talk about like people talk about coronavirus and like not being able to breathe. I was like this in a bed. In Mexico? In Mexico. And i passed out i remember drinking so i could not think about it because i was having panic attacks about it and i'm sure yeah no doubt

all right one more here uh along the lines of uh you know women uh if you had to watch your biggest enemy fuck the girl of your dreams in order for you to marry her, would you do it? I think you don't have enemies. I think, like, just everyone loves to have enemies. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. For those listening, Burgess, like, lowered his head like, yeah.

And by the way, there's I didn't have like, I think it i think what happens is i know for a fact most people didn't care about me like before and then when you start getting a little success that hatred just starts swelling yeah right and then oh and i don't yeah there's definitely people that hate me um i can i can name three right now uh i couldn't no i couldn't do it i couldn't do it i couldn't watch my wife is despite everything I've said about the woman, my wife is the woman of my dreams. But I don't, I could not. Couldn't endure that.

Okay, hold on. That's a great question because you're saying, could I have gotten past this dude fucking her so that I can have this life with her? Yeah. Yeah, I would. I definitely let that happen. Yeah.

Atta boy, man. That's the way to look at it. That's why you are who you are. All right, man. I got to pick my enemy, though, because I know one's got a smaller dick. Dude, as always, incredible. We thank you for the time. I mean, you've got the cabin, the game show, Burt cast, Burt Bill, two bears, as always, incredible. We thank you for the time. I mean, you've got The Cabin, The Game Show, BurtCast, Burt Bill,

Two Bears, One Cave, The Tour. I mean, anything you specifically want to get out there, but there's just, I mean. Everyone check out The Cabin on Netflix. Enjoy it. Share it with people. Tell friends about it. It's great.

It's so funny, but it's like heartfelt as well. There's like a message in every episode episode and you get to see his family. When your daughter's, give me the honest answer. When your daughter's asked if you were in rehab, that was real. That was not scripted or anything. That was, no, I'm not in rehab, girls. They caught me off guard with that one. I always joke about going to rehab.

I always go like, I wish. I always say I had rehab life where they served white wine and marijuana. They are so militant about rehab. I don't want to. I want to do a little bit less. That's called a bar. I just want to go to a bar.

Get a little high and drink white wine. I want rehab with Xanax. No, Xanax and lightly laced marijuana and cigars and Prosecco. You know, like you're going to get sick if you drink too much Prosecco. You'll stop. I love it, man. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much, man. Pleasure. I love you guys. Love you too. Appreciate that, man. Have a good one. I'll share it everywhere. You got it, man.

Let us know when the next live show is. You know, we'll pump everything out there for you too. All right. Big a good one. I'll share it everywhere. You got him. And let us know when the next live show is, you know, we'll pump everything out there for you too. All right. Big thanks to Bert. Uh, love you. They're, they're killing it,

man. They're making so much money. Yeah. If you can spend a million dollars on someone's birthday, but he is also said, he's sponsored and ship is still, and like you're doing big, big shit.

They're doing almost more reflects to get someone a million dollar present and not have to pay a million dollars oh and and he did tell us off air what their plan is for their next live show and it's it's incredible it's almost like knowing the that that movie news like knowing that ahead of time i can't wait to be like i knew this i knew that when you guys find out about yeah i knew that already all right next up we got mark roberge it's brought to you by faraday brand faraday brand's a nice a nice brand i actually saw it in a like fancy boutique in bronxville which i live next to not i no longer live in but i live next to one of the fanciest

bougiest towns in america and uh they have a hyundai's in there didn't they that's why they like like they were like like i crossed the border into the town they were like we got to get this car out of here it knew it knew it's like the city rejected my car uh faraday brand is uh in like the fancy boutiques in bronxville which is how you know you're like a high quality fashionable stylish brand um and so now uh they're getting down with kfc radio they've got uh quality, comfortable clothing for life that's in tune with what's fashionable and what's stylish right now. They are all high quality made guaranteed to last a lifetime. They're very good for like the adult male who wants to look sharp, but it's not like fucking on TikTok and trying to look like a trendy kid.

This is a classic timeless look for guys who just want to look like they're put together, sharp, stylish, and you don't drive a Hyundai. It looks like you drive an ICE car. Poor Hyundai. Hyundai is going to call up and be like, how much for you guys to stop slandering us? They're going to buy ads just so I can't say anything bad about them. The Legend Collection right now at Faraday is truly legendary. They're the softest, coziest shirts.

Have I ever been more right on something than I've been on the cozy trend? No. I mean, I might have been the reason why everything's so goddamn cozy and soft right now. Everything I did for the last couple years is all about comfort and cozy, and now everyone's doing it too because Faraday is smart. They make pieces that last forever, buy forever, a timeless piece that will last a lifetime of wear, make you comfortable and stylish every single day. Every single day you can wear it.

Go to Faraday brand. That's F-A-H-E-R-T-Y brand dot com slash KFC. And they give you 25 percent off. That's dope. I like when people go the extra 5%. That's Faraday brand F A H E R T Y brand.com slash KFC for 25% off. Let's talk to Mark. Let's do it.

We got one of our favorite guests who it's funny, Mark Roberge. I feel like you have not been on as often as our friendship would dictate you know yes like it feels like you've been on a bunch but you're saying this is the first time you've been here in the studio and in this office and maybe it's because we just talk outside of uh the podcast so it feels that way but i'm like wow recurring guests well yeah i mean we've been here and you're in new york like we we shoot got to come on more, man. I know.

And Nate is always awesome. He's always like, dude, you got to come in, come to HQ, come to HQ. And it just wasn't working out. So we've been planning this for weeks. And today worked out great. So thanks for having me. I should be here an awful lot more. Well, it's hard when you, we were just talking about, you know, you got to be be a rock star and now you got to be a teacher on top of being a dad yeah and like half a scientist and

a doctor and i tried to be a golfer for a minute did you i was like i saw everyone playing golf i'm like i'm gonna fucking go play a bunch of golf and then i would go play golf with all these athletes and shit and i'm like i fucking suck at golf had you had you never played at all i played when i was young i I worked in golf. I cleaned. I was at a country club cleaning people's carts and clubs. I was in the back of the house cleaning shit. And I was playing.

I was a good golfer. And then I think my 20s, I just did not play. We just were on the road. And now I'm trying to get it back. And I went out there. It's awful. It's ugly as hell. But I'm getting it back.

I'm getting there. Are you still working on it? I'm still working on it. So you're one of the few who kept their quarantine hobby. Yes. I went through four or five of them. They all lasted six hours maybe. What were they?

I tried to learn Spanish. I tried to learn the ukulele. Each of those things lasted six minutes. Yeah, six hours is a stretch. They were both very momentary things. I actually don't know what else. The ukulele and the Spanish. He got a ukulele and a book.

The way he was going to learn Spanish was that he bought a book in Spanish and the same book in English. And then was just going to compare. And when things really popped off, I had a scare in the very beginning because I was sick. He was waiting for my test. Yeah, he was waiting for my test before he went home. I ended up getting the negative test. He knows the coast is clear. Has his bags packed. Walks out the door. As

he's walking out, he looks back and sees the ukulele and the Spanish book. And he just lets the door close. He just kept on going. I was like, oh, I'm going to forget those. Yes, I am. You left the door closed on a chapter of your life. It's like you knew it. When you were sick, I followed that man. that was the time yeah and everyone was i was almost

too sick to be honest i was like i feel so shitty that well it was also at the point where the you know the symptoms were ever changing so i was like all right i have a dry i have a wet cough not a dry cough and then a week later they're like oh you can have a wet cough too i don't fucking know but yeah that was touch and go for a moment you were the one i saw take the test for the first time right it was crazy but even that i feel like they did you know mine kind of went up as opposed to in and i was like fuck of course i'm the guy who gets it wrong yeah i remember him being like it literally hit me in the brain and like the test we take now like it goes like this yeah it's the outer rim which i'm like very possibly be getting some you of the information you need from this.

So I got tested as well. And then recently, I think I did like some sort of saliva quick, quick, quick test, like 10 minute, 15 minute test. I'll tell you right away. Those are the ones that always come back positive, right? There's no way this could be accurate. There's so many false positives, positive negatives, whatever. But the negatives are always accurate. But sometimes you get false positives.

That's a good place to be in, I feel like. Yeah, you never want to get the other one. That would be tough. Like, oh, we were wrong. You do have it. But yeah, now you got a bunch of kids. They're not in school. And I say this all the time.

I half make fun of teachers, half praise them. But I feel like if you're a nanny, a caretaker, child care, whatever, you deserve to make a billion dollars a year. Dude, we had this talk this morning. It was like, you know, the PTN meeting. You're watching this thing, the folks complaining at a public school, principal or teacher about, like, what's expected. All these things.

You're thinking to yourself, like, god damn, these people are not getting paid enough to do this. No. Bullshit, man. You should be anyone who's teaching, especially a principal, man. They deserve way more than they're getting and zero fucking complaints. Like, man. You should be... Anyone who's teaching, especially a principal, man, they deserve way more than they're getting and zero fucking complaints. Like, none.

It's the same thing we were saying the other day with soldiers and cops, how we don't have that duty to service, that call to service. I would never enlist. I would never sign up. Never had that feeling. Same thing with T.

You have to have the same thing to be an educator. Totally crazy, man. Because no one does it for the money. I struggle with putting up with my kids bullshit and i have undying unconditional love for them if i had like a class of like 30 kids and i'm like oh there goes like that spoiled brat there goes that kid his parents are an asshole this kid's annoying i would i mean i i don't know how they fucking do it i went to college to be a teacher so i went went in hard. I was like English lit, studied, studied, studied.

I'm going to be a teacher one day. And then I'm going to fucking move to a college campus. And I'm going to live near the campus. And I'm going to like throw the ball around all the time. I'm going to be the cool professor. Yeah, I'm going to be like, hey, bros. Did you read that Salinger? So when did that dream go?

Never mind. I'm going to go become an international rock star. April 14th of this year when I was at my house and I'm screaming at my little kids who are looking at me like, who is this animal monster? I realize I have no business anywhere near a classroom. It's very funny. You found out early enough. I had a friend who went all the way through their master's and she got her master's very funny. You found out early enough. I had a friend who went all the way through their master's,

and she got her master's in teaching. And then before Thanksgiving of her first year of teaching, she said, I'm done. She quit? It was my one year. No, she finished a year, but that was her one year. Wow. What age kids?

Fifth grade, I believe. Yeah, that's a tough one. That's a tough one. At least you found out early. Going through Masters in Discovery. That's a lot of money and a lot of time down the drain. I just knew this was not for me. But in my head, it's like I saw Dead Poets Society.

Yeah, right. We're going to stand on tables and shit. Right. And it's never going to be like that. Dangerous minds, man. I'm going to be in a gang with these kids. It is funny watching the amount of people who are like, I can't take care of my kids every day.

That's why if you're a stay-at-home parent or, like I said, a nanny or whatever, most parents have them get home from work. You see them in the evening. You put them to bed. And then on the weekends, you have them. To do that around the clock during the weekdays is like, oh, I fucking hate these kids this is awful

I thought life was like how my like 1957 or like how my dad's life my dad came home a highball hey how you doing how you doing

you know and that was it we're not gonna talk about our fucking feelings that was it and the next morning he's like see you later

and I'm like alright I thought that's what it was going to be. But now it's totally different. If you were that type of parent where you're like work, home, work, apparently that's not even allowed anymore. You got to be very involved. Which, I mean, we probably should be.

Of course. But it just got to a point where that's just not how it really works. So it's like, oh, wait a minute. This is a lot different than what I thought it was going to be. There's got to be a happy medium in there where sometimes you just not how it really works so it's like oh wait a minute this is a lot different than you know what i thought it was gonna there's got to be a happy medium and there were sometimes you just got to say you know what we're just not gonna talk for the next the work-life balance for me and i guess this is interesting for you as as a musician like the the hardest struggle in my life like literally was trying to balance home meaning the kids and and marriage and work where it was like at home everyone thinks i work too much and at work everyone thinks that i'm like slacking

because i'm at home i didn't want to travel i didn't want to do certain things and i'm like well i'm losing on all fronts nobody thinks i'm doing a good job like fuck you know yeah this is the this is the fucking when you're in the bathroom and you're like nobody fucking cares yes i fucking swept the kitchen four times today not one person said thank you i do see a hairspray over here which makes me so fucking happy yeah man just to see that y'all are in the you know taking care of it we make it look good yeah it's quality uh but yeah that that uh that balance so i mean for you like when you would go out on the road, I guess when you're in your profession, it's just kind of understood that things are going to be a little bit different too, right? Well, you know, there is that understanding.

But I'll tell you what, the first time we were on tour with Dave Matthews Band, we were at the Gorge three days, and I saw that they had a bus and like an 18-wheeler and like a whole setup just for the kids. So I was like, oh shit, you can do that? And then you start building your world a little bit differently because at first you think

A, you're supposed to do party animal stuff. You're supposed to do that and so you do it for years and you literally almost die like once a week. And you're like, this is what I'm supposed to do. I mean, do it for years and you literally almost die like once a week and you're like this is what i'm supposed to do i mean i'm not kidding and that's how you act and then these doors start to open where you realize like oh no no no i can shape do it how i want to shape what i want to do yeah so family became super important to us when we realized that we can be a rock and roll family that That's very cool. And that's how we look at it. Like, my wife is, like, down, like, the coolest girl in the world. So I was like, oh, we can definitely pull this off.

So we just always talked about it. That's so key, right, to have, like, to have a, I think in anything in life, having, like, a partner who's down, but anything that's, like, entertainment-based where you're either on the road, you're traveling, there's a lot of attention, negative and positive, there's groupies, there's haters, da-da-da-da. You have to be a down ass chick or god like whatever dude just to be cool with it and and because is a trust factor right so once you got that it's all good and she would just be full of advice and we would follow that advice in so many ways and it led to more fun times so i

thought okay we can we can do the rock and roll family thing. Was she the only one? No, they all are. No, no, no, but I mean like for you, had you dated or been with anybody who wasn't down during your career? She was always the one. No, like I just lucked out because we got together. She saw all my shit, right?

So we got together when we were just taking off in college. So I'm like, yeah, we're going on tour with Kid Rock for however many days that was. And if you've ever seen the Kid Rock show, it was wild. Hey, college girlfriend, college so i'm like hey we're going on tour with kid rock for however many days that was and if you've ever seen the rock show it was wild hey hey college girlfriend i'm 21 and i'm gonna go on tour with kid rock and that was our first tour yeah so we step out of the thing and his staging

had strippers on it i mean that was what he showed people right that wasn't even that wasn't even in yeah so i'm just saying we were always we always lucked out in that and everyone involved with our world so we we saw other folks doing it right and we said okay we can do this right so that something we took even to now like when when we're home and i'm at the studio and i'm home a lot we're not really touring for a year that whole vibe still exists where it's like hey you should go to the studio and work on some stuff. You should go do, you know? Right, right.

So that's what you got to have. And you go and you're like, it always like fascinates me like how artists work when we have writers in here or comedians even like when they write. So you're like, I'm going to the studio. I'm going to work. It's not just when inspiration strikes. It's like, I'm going to go sit there and make sure I work.

Yeah, so there's like different schools in my opinion. There's like the Nashville school where you go in the morning and you do a co-write and then in the afternoon you do a co-write. So you're hoping to get two songs done in a day. A lot of people get one song done in a day, but if you get one or two, that's huge. So that's like the Nashville school of thought.

Then in New York, I feel like you go in there to work on the song and you're producing and working on sounds and recording a guitar. I just need my space where I can go and create. It's like behind the house when you grew up, if you had a treehouse, it's like having a treehouse. And that's kind of where I am. We get in there.

It's a great spot in the city, and I can get in and just make stuff. I brought a song for you guys now that we're just making on the fly, and it's a lot about just having that clubhouse vibe where you leave your apartment, go somewhere else and do your stuff, and come home and don't bring that back home. Don't then go into the corner and worry about a bass sound. Oh, my God, that bass sound is so round. It's like at work you can be like that,

but at home it's about like Sid the Science Kid. So finding that balance, but you've got to have a spot. I like that. But at home, it's about like, you know, Sid the Science Kid, you know? Right. So finding that balance. But you got to have a spot. I see people making records at home. I see that. I don't know how long you could possibly do that for where you're just like balancing the noise of the house with the thing. It's too much. So I lucked out.

We got a great spot in New York. And I'm there all the time. How was quarantine for you? Did you work in it? I know Taylor Swift wrote Folklore or whatever just in quarantine, like time for her to work. Yes. But I guess it's a little different when you don't have kids and family

and all that kind of shit. Also, Taylor Swift, I have to say, this person, she can visualize and hear a song in her head and then go make it. Did you know she was like that? I feel like she started out as such a kind of a, she's the 16-year-old poppy country princess, but is she actually talented? And now she's showing off.

But no, she always wrote her own shit, right? So in the music industry, was she known as like, oh, this girl's going to be like a, not just a hit, but like a timeless musician? Yes, because I was lucky enough to be aware of nathan chapman this dude and and rose who is this the other writer with her um so nathan is a producer writer and he came up with taylor i think her first three or four albums and she would come in and say i want my song to sound like this and nathan would go chase it down and make it sound like that.

When someone can come in and do that, I mean, there's like Bruno Mars, there's certain people, like Michael Jackson, if you listen back to old stuff where he's hearing these songs in his head and he's just into a voice memo, just kind of doing the beat and doing the rhythm and all this stuff,

that's next level shit when you can actually make it sound like that. I mean, we all hear songs in our head and we go to work and try to get as close as we can get but this girl taylor she she hears a fully done product in her and then goes and makes it happen to me that's like when i you know i'm like yo what you know that song that goes like no i don't like the noises you make that me nowhere, you know? So respect to her always. I mean. That's what happened with Folklore was, I forget, who was it, the guy from The National who wrote it with her. Yeah, I don't know, but I know what you're talking about.

He wrote, like, the music, and she, like, reached out to him on, like, one night and was like, hey, you know, I was, I think we're writing an album in quarantine. Like, would you like to co-write it with me? You know, would you like to write the music? And he was like, yeah. And he figured it was going to be a throwaway thing, like a hobby. He figured it was going to be like learning Spanish or the ukulele. Yeah, she wants to do a quarantine album. And he just sent her his folder of music.

And he said the next morning he woke up. So he sent that, I think he said 7, 8 p.m. And the next morning he woke up and he had an email from 2 a.m. that was Cardigan, the one, no, no, the one was one of the last ones written. Cardigan, Betty, and Seven, or something like that. And it was just three done songs. And he's like, oh, okay, she's really doing this. It's really tempting, I think, especially with pop music, in my opinion.

Because I got turned on to pop music late. My wife's like a real big pop music fan and when someone in your life starts introducing you to more and more and more great songs you start to see the quality in them you peel away the layers it's like damn that's not easy to do

so it's easy and tempting in pop music for someone to go oh she's just I saw that documentary that she did last year, whatever that was. Yo, so what's your opinion on like the business side of things with her masters and whatnot? Is that something that like do you guys just kind of accept? Part of me thinks that's fucked up.

It's like if you write and create a song, it should be yours. But also by this point, it's like that's the business, right? Like are we still really that surprised by this or, you know, like it's just how it goes right i think what but her situation is different in the sense that she just wanted to buy them right they just won't let her right i feel like i feel like the the good but like the middle ground is that you should have right of first refusal if it's your music you should get like dibs and if someone outbids you then and it's not that like someone it well it wasn't her original contract. Someone bought her a contract. And she's like, no, I should be able to buy it.

If you're selling it, I should get to buy it. And they were like, no. So I think her situation is wrong, but I think Scooter bought Big Machine. So he bought the umbrella company, right? Under that would have been Taylor's catalog. And what I believe I heard with that too is that Taylor did have the option to buy the whole label and was like, I don't want to. But that, I think, is like, I don't want the label. I want just my shit.

Here's how I feel about masters. It's like you get these record deals, and you're looking at them like, damn, I got a record deal. I get to go make my records. You're not really thinking about the long-term effects. No, of course not. If you have a lawyer who is, which luckily we did, that in 10 years we'll have every record lawyer who is, which luckily we did,

that in 10 years we'll have every record we ever made, every song we ever wrote, anything we ever did we'll have back. We already have half of it because we had a lawyer who was thinking, listen, let's do a 10-year deal or let's have an end game on this thing. It can't be perpetuity. I don't know what her deal was.

I do feel for her, but it's also just business. So I'm not mad at anybody else for doing what they got to do. Look, Scooter had to sell that stuff already. So he bought the big machine for $300 million. He then sold Taylor's catalog for $300 million. So he still maintains a lot of that other stuff. But he sold that because he's a management company

and the last year no one's making money I feel like he just did it he just kind of came off as a dick I think he could have done it and done it in a way that was more like I don't know what the word for it is it was cooperative with her or whatever

he just kind of did it in a way that I think there's always a better way there's always a better way. Yeah. There's always a better way. Especially with someone of that magnitude which, look, respect is so big.

Like, when I come, respect is everything, right? So like, that has to work in music. Well, you can't just have a business

and go, oh, but it's a bad business. It's just rough. You deal with it. Well, that's like, that's a pretty rude thing

to say to somebody who made a hundred hits. So I feel for her, but it is just business. It's such a catch-22. There's really nothing there. But I always have respect for any artist who can have one hit song, awesome. But if you can maintain a career for 10, 20 years, I mean, you got respect. Yeah, no matter what genre, no matter what type. Also, that was very subtly you, right?

What? If you're like, I don't know, if you start out as just some jam band, and the next thing you know, it's 2020, and you're still doing it, that's pretty fucking good, right? I'm always so fascinated by the videos I see of you guys on social media, where it does seem like you guys just kind of get in a room and start jamming and fucking around until – I mean how does that work where it's like you're going to play the guitar, you're going to play the drums, you hit on the keyboards, you're going to start humming and everyone just kind of does their own part and feels off of each other?

So that's where you got to have chemistry and know each other and know the styles and all that. A lot of it comes from if I'm walking down the street and I hear something happen, I always say it's delivered. Like, you have a good idea. It's delivered to you. I mean, you're not sitting at a crumpling of paper. You have a pile of...

It just comes to you. Now, what you do with it, like Taylor, she knows and makes the beginning to end. I need help. So I'm going in the room i'm saying boys i got this idea this california idea i want to write it about a kid who goes to california lives out his dreams but i want it to mean a lot more than that i want it to be about anything you want to do whoever you want to love go love them but i want it to sound like this then it's they'll come in and go shit i got this what this. What about this bass line? How about these drums?

So when that happens, what if they do something that you don't like? You'd be like, nah, dude, that's not what I thought at all. I'd be like, okay, sounds good enough. No, because I learned this from Nashville. So Nashville, I learned you sit in a room, and it's like check the ego at the door. Don't mention bad ideas, first of all. Have a self-filter. Be awesome at all times, and this isn't a problem. Don of all have a self-filter be awesome at all times and this

is a problem it's a good note and if it comes out and it's something that someone doesn't want to hear it's not a personal attack to say hey bro let's try it this way or what do you think about something so everyone in this group has so much of their own like i don't know i just feel like when they are themselves it it's always good. Like when Jerry plays saxophone or comes up with a guitar line, I'm like, I always like it. Bench, bass, I always like every one of those dudes. I always like what they do.

So either they're self-filtering really fucking great, or we just really like each other. And I think that that's what's been most valuable. You look at any of these groups that have camaraderie teams, football teams. I always listen to athletes like Tanner Glass, my favorite hockey player ever. I see him with his family. Every time he goes somewhere, he goes, all right, team, let's go. All right, team, let's go eat dinner. Let's mow the lawn, team.

It's that team thing. So we bring that into the band. And when you're making songs, if everyone feels like they're part of a team no one's gonna want to fuck up the team and uh it's been it's been great when someone goes solo in a band yeah that's almost always like god behind the scenes be like kind of bad right dumb as shit ever yeah it drives me nuts look one direction is the greatest example of this like why not just stay in one direction forever well hang on here we're gonna we're gonna downplay harry styles right now i can't downplay harry i'm just saying i wonder maybe that's not a great example they're all i mean like he isn't like considered like the next

bowie is that just because of his dress or like i thought like i forget his album name he's so talented dude i mean he's so talented when i hear these songs and I see a three-year-old, my kid love him and my wife love him and I love him, I'm like... You're hitting something. I'm talking more about when I think Zayn left the group. Yeah, he was the first one to bounce out. I was kind of like, damn.

Oh, he was first? I think one of the lesser guys was the first to jump off. I think you're right. Which to me was like a big red flag. But I think Harry was like, all right, fuck you guys. So maybe that's a terrible example. But say like when it's uh like when justin timberlake leaves in sync and it's kind of like we know that you're a cut above you know no shade but like chris kirkpatrick you know it's like understandable right but i mean those guys must be like fuck you man right or do you

think it's ever like a done in a truly amicable way i wonder if you want to if you wanted to do a mark roberge album would the guys be like, we truly want your best, or would they be like, fuck. No, it's totally cool. It's like I do projects that they work on. They do projects I work on. Everybody in this group has something else that they do, whether it's owning restaurants or running this or doing this.

It's like we got your back. Everyone advertises for each other. That's one thing. We look at our thing as like a family business and you all kick back to the family like it's all very you know it's the mob you know kiss the rings because it's all we got yeah it's all we got so when i see people who don't feel that way yes i think it's a huge mistake um in sync i mean justin it's the writing was on the wall what What are you going to do? I mean, I think J.C.

Shazay could dance his ass off. I remember thinking he was kind of like the one at first. He's a Maryland dude, too. I think they said he was the best vocalist. He's like the best singer. JT's JT. I guess those are different, too, because those

weren't guys that like grew up. They're just kind of manufactured, right? I think it's a little bit different. So you don't have the same love for the group as you do if it's like a family like yours where it's like,

yeah, we're going to do our time together and then split off. Again, the Dave Matthews thing. They got a great band. Matthews will go and make a record. They'll play on it. They'll help them out with it

and then they come back. It's all good, I think. But yeah, I wonder what it's like when it's a manufactured thing. It's got to be, it's a bad idea. Like I saw article this band little mix yeah yeah i don't know one song don't know any of these people but it was like i'm going solo i was like who the fuck i'd ride that shit out yeah i mean when you got a good thing going like that but that's

you know do you have like managers and agents and shit in your ear? Or are you kind of you and your wife making all the decisions? Oh, yeah. No, we've been lucky. We started out with our management when it was just four bands at the company. And now it's two or three hundred. So we went the same. I feel like that's where people get bad advice or selfish advice from their point of view.

Maybe a new person comes into the world and is like, you are fucking great. Yeah. Let me tell you, you're great. And then one of the things, no one ever tells you you're great. I've never had anyone tell me you're great. If they're fawning over you like that. You should probably do something more. So yeah, I think that happens.

But in our situation, we literally have the same team, folks we've been working with forever. And they come and go and things, but it's always, again, we really try hard to maintain a family vibe. If you came up now, would you try to do independent, or do you think it's necessary to go through a label? I would do independent, absolutely. Now, having said that, touring going away right now is probably, that was my one thing

with all young artists, I would say, you know, you could be, you could have a million streams on a song, and be hugely successful. I have never toured, you're never going to make money. So once touring comes back, which it will in a year, I would say stay independent and go tour and make money and make them want to pay you more.

They're not going to pay you if you don't have tour history. But if you do, then go sign. Just build your worth a little bit. It's so about touring right it's so about tickets and t-shirts that's a grind

you guys know t-shirts t-shirts is like what built this company people turn their nose up at t-shirts and it's like it's crack man

I feel like a drug dealer when I drop a new t-shirt seeing like internet personalities now like learn that merch is a thing we just made new merch. Merch has always been the biggest.

I feel like that's so easy to understand. First of all, you have to have a brand that people want to buy the shirt. A brand that people want to represent it. But once you have that, that's the money. I think merchandising was one of the two reasons Chernin bought Barstool. Merchandising and podcasts.

That's the difference too. It's like you said, because a lot of people, you might have success, but if you don't have people who will purchase something tangible. Have these TikTok stars capitalized on merch yet? I don't think I've seen merch. You would know that better. It depends. Some people do, some people don't.

I think they've done things like the D'Amelio family, they partnered with Dunkin' Donuts. Like that kind of shit. I don't know if you can buy the Charlie shirt shirt but it's like you can buy the charlie it's just like uh i think it's just like a latte that's the charlie you know it's the same fucking thing anyone holister so yeah they are getting into it yeah it's more partnerships i think than than independent merch but but the top dogs are doing that kind of shit. See, if I had access to 98 million or 30 million people, I'd be putting shirts out. Hell yeah. Without a doubt.

You convert a fraction of those purchases. Yeah, it's not even like being – it's not a negative thing. Put some good shirts out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make them want to wear them. Not garbage. But if you hear that with people like, oh, Bella Thorne joins OnlyFans, makes a million dollars day one,

you should have put shirts on sale. You would have made $2 million. You would have made probably half. Some of that shit. I'm way curious about the younger artists. I mean, they have a lot of great songs, success in so many different ways. But I think the tried and true still exists. It's that radio still exists. People are still in their cars different ways. But I think the tried and true still exists. It's that radio still exists.

People are still in their cars every morning. Touring, still huge. And t-shirts. It's trying to maintain that foundation and then adding on all these millions of eyeballs. That's like the magic number. So hopefully there'll be some that kind of come out and real songs.

I always wondered, you know, I see a lot of the artists on the internet who are highly successful singing other people's songs. I say, get some writers, get some producers and make songs. Own the songs. And publishing, sell that shit later. You know what I mean? There's just so much more to the game. And I think they obviously know what they're doing,

but I think song ownership is huge. Why don't you do this stuff? Why don't you become a manager for Young X in your old age? I'm 105 years old. When I look at this shit, I'm like, I'm not dancing for anyone. However, I appreciate and respect it, and I'm learning so much from you,

from my wife and all our friends. We're like, look, he's from maryland i'm like okay fine i'll give him a pass okay but you know all right well too why don't you uh run for president that's you know either you get young and you're doing tiktoks or you get old you run for president yeah i don't know the politics thing is so gross to me at this point you know i always look at all these folks is like you know i'm just waiting for the shoe to drop. It's like once you start supporting somebody, four weeks later you find out

they blew somebody in the coin. It's always something. And I'm thinking, why can't we just have people who don't have shit like that? I can't believe there's just so many normal, just like a normal fucking person. But I guess when you get into that game, it ain't normal.

I think there's a line in Mindhunter which RIP where they they first meet the have you seen the show no but they get cancelled which is ridiculous

it was highly successful it wasn't cancelled it was just like he wanted to move on to other shit and timing like he said he was like

we just didn't have enough viewers for our budget he was like we were that's the last I didn't think that would happen our budget. That's the last... I didn't think that would happen anymore.

I figured that there's always enough streaming services that if there's a niche audience, even a small one that... I think it's a pretty good size audience. I can't believe it's a niche. Why not? It was a hit. I think budgets are an issue.

Having talked to a couple people about great shows that they just literally, right now, there's not enough income coming in. Right. We were talking about that with I'm Sorry, my girlfriend the other day, where we were watching I'm Sorry on Netflix, and she's like, it's something so sad,

like, this got canceled. And I was like, I think that once companies understand what their budget will be, like, I think right now they have no idea. Right. Whereas, like, let the year wrap up, and then we'll find out what we have for next year. I think at that point, they're going to want to be like,

they'll take a shot on a show like I'm Sorry, because it's a show with a proven audience. And it's a pretty low budget, I would imagine. And it's like, I know this show has fans, so rather than taking a complete risk on this new show, let's just take I'm Sorry. Right, right, right. I mean, you guys are on the verge of having, I think, scripted,

not scripted, but maybe some sort of shows. I'm imagining so many people. I think right thereed, not scripted, but maybe some sort of shows. I'm imagining so many people. I think right there, yeah. Yeah. Because you've amassed such a following in so many, and it's growing and it's spreading. Yeah, we're getting a new audience and new bubbles. And we're getting new talented people.

It used to just be like, here's my opinion on the sports team or the story, and now we're getting people in the mix who are like writers and they can come up with original ideas and fictional ideas and characters and all that kind of shit. So like truly talented people starting to come through, which I think you start to see where this is like a hundred-year process. You know what I mean?

We're in the very beginning, but hopefully it kind of like grows and grows and grows, you know? I mean, because once people get the – like everyone has an opinion, which is awesome. It's what's great about the world we live in. Is it, though? Do you like the disclaimer? Good program to say that.

But they're mainly uneducated opinions. Almost exclusively. And you look at Barstow's Comedy Network, you know, so it's like, in my opinion. But there's a lot there. There's storylines all over the place. I mean, John Boy, I look at you all the time. I say, this guy. This is like a famous actor face, this guy right here, you know?

And it's bound to happen. But I think, you know, and you're reaching so many folks that are coming up to me, hey, you know KFC? I'm like, yeah, I fucking know KFC. You said your wife, right? You said his wife and her crew love One Minute Man, which is a weird dynamic to get into of all the things we've done and we've had success in a lot of different realms kevin's success with one minute man is so jar not jarring like

surprising but like so clear like people come on like they want to talk about one minute man yeah we have i haven't had anything like that where we've done some things some failed some succeeded but i haven't had one that's like, oh, this is working. It was like Mario Lopez, Miz, Josh Duhamel, and then Ryan Felipe. Ryan Felipe, yeah. And it was like four very big celebrities. The first thing they were like, of course I'm coming on One Minute Man's show. I couldn't believe it.

I've never had that. And you talk about the tipping point and all these things, right? I mean these are these are signs right but that one for me it was that group just her and her friends yeah commenting on things that i'm like i didn't even i mean i knew it was happening and i think i'm seeing views of like 40 000 oh i know but it's on the barstool account it's like millions like four million but as far as just like first day oh yeah yeah yeah, yeah, they're flying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that to me was a big flag. I was like, oh, shit.

Yeah, that's what you know. Did you have that for OAR? Was it just like crazy game of poker or was there something before that or what? There was a lot of those types of situations. But for me, I grew up 90210. Y'all are a little young for that shit. No, I know. I know it. I know it. it i know it you know uh you know like dude

it's sideburns alone sideburns for years my wedding photo i was like oh my god but that show was a part of my world and then when shattered became thing, like a hit song for us, and it became the theme song for the new 90210. And then, look, get this, a Blackberry commercial. And boom, that's when I started to be like, holy shit. Like, we're in the zeitgeist. Right. That was weird. You first thought, like, okay.

At that point, you're massive. But not in my head, dude. Like, in my head, I'm just in a band who's running around. Not like the tours with the people screaming. That to me was like, that's what my life was going to be. Like, I wanted to be a touring musician. I didn't want to be, I didn't try to be famous or something. It just wasn't in, that's not something we were used to.

But we wanted to be famous or something. It just wasn't in, that's not something we were used to. But we wanted to be road dogs, road warrior, touring people where like we knew we grew up in like. I want to be the polar opposite. I want to get in

the Blackberry commercial and just sit there and use money roll in. So to me, when that started going and you're on TV shows, I mean every show we were on got canceled

before it even came out. But like we were on set and that was cool and I'm like Matthew Mody and like the first term when I heard like they were like hey bringing number one to the set and i'm like who's that and it was modine they don't even say your name on the radio it's like number one uh i was like this is a whole nother ball game dude and when we got into that world for me it was mind-blowing and those things kept happening like even like we did times square

on new year's eve taylor swift walking by to do shake it off right in front of me i'm looking at this person who's like six eight inches taller than me looks like a superstar you can just you know what i'm saying those moments are like mind-blowing but everything else is just where it's like what you're doing it's I don't know how to explain it. Do you think you're still doing it right now if you weren't good enough to sell out, let's call it what it is? Do you think you're still out there

grinding on the streets? We grind because that's a great question. No. No. Because if I had been doing 25 years straight all right with no sort of like it'd be that taps on the back like yeah you're doing all right with no blackberry commercials no commercials i'd probably be yeah a lot less motivated i'm gonna go be a teacher i find it very honorable if you're like still chasing your dream but after when would you have

like what when do you think you would have given up? How many years in do you think a band, a musician, a rapper, whoever, some sort of act, it's like, okay, dude, it's not really gonna happen for you? I think there's no age for it because what I've learned is that folks can do amazing things at any age, and I've seen

hit songs for 50-year-olds and 60-year-olds. I've seen amazing things happen. I'm blanking on any sort of olds. I've seen amazing things happen. Uh, I'm blanking on any sort of example, but it happens. I swear, but there are people. Um,

and like, was it Rodney Dangerfield didn't get successful until way later. But don't you feel like those usually you do know those stories, you know, but, but there's urban legends. I always heard like, you know,

Danny DeVito went on like 300 auditions before he got it. I don't know if those are true or not. Right. But I feel like for the most part, you know, you got a song out there or a hit or whatever within a certain amount of time. And if it's not happening, I think after that. You got to follow it up. For me, it would have been, yeah, when I started having kids and they were looking at me like, you're going on tour again and you're gone for a long time, months and months and months. It's got to be worth it, right?

It's got to be worth it, or else at some point I would just say, this isn't right for me. I'd rather be with my kids. So that would have been. Everything else, I would have kept going because I just really like waking up in a parking lot, all the buses, the diesel, the trucks, everyone's unloading, throwing the ball around, everyone's working out eating doing it's just that summer camp thing that i would never stop but i don't know if i do

the i don't know if i'd do the uh year-round freezing cold in fargo north north yeah i'd be touring in you know like south beach i was saying i remember valentine's day landing in Fargo in the snow and going, it's February. I'm like, what am I doing? What am I doing? What venue are you playing in the Dakotas that's worth that? It wasn't pretty. It wasn't pretty. Let's just play a game of football and get the fuck out of here.

Let's be honest. A lot of folks get out there and they're not honest about it. And they're just like you know it's for the art and it is for the art but come on it's also for the money

feed your kids yeah I know it's like that's you know who says that like unsuccessful people you know it's all about the love

of the art it's like yeah okay man I can just do the art and love it I tried to feed my kids some art this morning we're not having it

I love it man man. Well, thanks for the time, as always. You're doing internet shows, right? Was last week the first one? One of the bigger ones? So when the pandemic started, for a month I was like everyone else, didn't know

what was going on. Eventually I felt like I should be doing something. So I just play songs in the apartment right and it looked it looked like you were playing a song in the apartment people appreciated it i did six or seven of them just on sundays just for fun there were no sports nothing was happening but then i stopped there because i thought you know you people have seen enough apartment shows yeah and i just saw that coming so i didn't want to be the last motherfucking doing apartment shows.

And so I waited months and months, and I waited for some technology to come out that would actually make this to the next level. So I was watching the NBA, and I noticed all the TV screens around, people's faces on them. A lot of the sports were doing it. No one was interacting directly with the TV screens. So I thought, what if we had all the screens, hundreds of people on them, and I could see them, they could see me, I could hear them, they can speak to me. And eventually, we could probably pump some some lighting into their house. And we're going to get into that point soon to where it's a lot more interactive, and then 1000s of people can watch this thing happen. So a company came up with the technology where this could happen. And I said, let's do a

series of three. The first one would be in the studio where I'm showing you where I work. We'll play some songs. I'm kind of used to seeing this. I'm talking to the screens. I'm talking to people. It's great. The next one's in a barn, much bigger and very nice barn up in Connecticut. And it's going to be me and John Lampley, the trumpet player, talk through some songs, a little bit more of a show. The third one's going to be in an empty venue that we all know and love, a famous venue we all know and love. And it'd be a straight up show. We'll have some fans in the audience, but it's more, again, letting people come into your world. I can see them on the screens.

And growing that into a point where, like, I'm seeing Tony Robbins has bought a warehouse in Florida and loaded it up with screens. And he's off the road just doing that for 30,000 people a pop. I'm not interested in the amount of people. I'm interested in some technology that can separate it so that when touring does come back, we've done our best to make it our best. And we can put it down and get back to the real shit. So that's my goal. There is something, too, though. I feel like it started as a, like, instead of touring,

because we can't, we're going to do this. I think there's, like, a whole, it can be a separate thing that almost coexists with, you can get back on tour, but people also want to see you in your home studio and watch the process or whatever the fuck you're going to do there. We're so fucking dead on. We were, just yesterday, came up with this idea that once we get back on tour, what if every day, we have a lot of rooms just like this

when you pull into a venue like Jones Beach or whatever. You have a lot of these types of rooms in the back. What if every day you had a staff who came and set up six or ten of these and people from all over the world who couldn't be at Jones Beach that day, from 5 to 6 p.m., we're warming up in a room, playing drums, fucking around, talking to people, and people are with us.

So I think you're dead on melding that. Another revenue stream, another way to reach fans. We're going to build up the production big, big, big, and when real touring comes back, we'll bring it back, but have it. Keep going, yeah. I mean, the rap world has been doing these versus battles. Genius.

And I think, like, that started because of quarantine. And I hope they do it forever because it has nothing to do with, you know, I don't think of that instead of going to the concert. I think of that as just this whole. Again, dude, you're right. The collaborative, the collaboration is what people want to see. They had 2 million people watch that last one. That was nuts.

At one time. 2 million. 2 million lives. I think that's also because there was a chance That was nuts. At one time. 2 million. I think that's also because there was a chance there was going to be an on-camera murder. Thankfully, we avoided it. You should get you and Dispatch, you and Dave Matthews, you and Steve Miller Band. We're so locked in right now. Could you imagine that? We have major plans on the books with Dispatch

we have if I could sit in a room with a person I mean there's a huge list of people but yeah sitting in a room with Matthews or with anyone else that I love to sit and do something like that

it doesn't matter it would be sick OAR vs Dispatch let's go it would be so fun and again nothing to do with pandemic

that's just something I would want to watch whether the world is open or closed it's all these experiences I want to watch like this Tyson fight coming up

I mean I gotta see every second of this thing when is that going to happen again I mean Roy but you know it's going to be one of those ones. We're all going to watch it. And you're going to go, ooh.

You know as soon as we turn it on, it's going to be like, ugh. Yeah. Look, I feel, we're all big boxing fans. We love fighting and all these things. But there's a part of you that is kind of worried. Yeah. For Roy and Mike. Right.

But mostly Roy. It's not a fun, you know. Mostly Roy. But you know the rules, right? You can't try to knock someone out. Oh. Yeah, but you can punch them in the kidney. But you know, I mean...

We hyped up a Mike Tyson return to the ring like 30 years ago. It wasn't good. We were disappointed by that one and the other one. We've done this a couple times already, like 25 years ago, wasn't good. We were disappointed by that one and the other one. Like, we've done this a couple times

already, like 25 years ago and those were disappointments. Imagine now. I sold tickets to my basement for the Spinks fight. Yeah.

My mom made Mama Celeste pizzas. Uh-huh. Five bucks a pop. Kids came down, 93 seconds, and shit's over, right? So we've been,

we're disappointed by Mike and Ann. All the time. We're still going to do it. All the time. Always do it, man. But these experiences is what I want to see. I mean, like a show about what y'all do.

These are things people want to be a part of. They want to experience from another angle. But you've got to change the angle. That's the thing. In my opinion, again, you're seeing the same type of performances over and over and over. You're going to get tired of it. It's the Zoom effect.

Nobody wants to be on Zoom. You got to do the Garth Brooks? You got to do a... Did you see what that son of a bitch did? He was like, I'm going to do 90 cities, drive in, but then it was just, he played it on the screen. You drove in, and then it was just a recorded

thing. I mean, Garth, come on. Anyone has't go to the city. And then it was just a recorded thing. I mean, anyone has the budget to do it. Dude, I got to sing with that dude one time. We did Friends in Low Places. Wow. Really? That's like the one to do. I told him a story about it.

I was like, man, my car when I grew up was 84 Civic. It had three tinted windows and dead stickers all over it. An ashtray and blah blah blah and he comes up and he goes you should make an album called Three Tinted Windows

and I was like no fucking problem that's my when I'm done that's my last album it's like Three Tinted Windows that is a great line

because when Garth gives an idea but that idea he had he should have just shown up I mean he's amazing he's awesome he makes big money too

he's like rich rich I know that he's amazing. He's awesome. He makes big money too, right? He's like rich, rich, right? I know that he flew from his house to tour and back to his house. I think it's like the Travolta thing with the landing strip and the house. I think it's one of those deals. We're not on that shit. Not yet. Not yet.

Alright, brother. Thanks as always, man. Thank you guys so much. When's the Connecticut show? December 15th. We're going to head up there. We're going to make it look really pretty. It's in this guy's place. It's beautiful.

It's one of those barns that shouldn't be called a barn. It should be called mansion. It's probably nice in the most houses. So we were excited for that. And then the next one after that is January 12th. Beautiful. We'll pump it out. Thanks, y next one after that is January 12th. Beautiful. We'll pump it out. Thanks, y'all.

Thank you, man. Appreciate it. All right. Mark is like a friend, mentor, brother figure, I feel like, right? Like when he talks, I listen, you know? Yeah. But what's funny is like I think he thinks the same about us. Yeah.

He's not that smart. Yeah. He's always like, you guys are killing it. And like you guys, like I'm'm just trying to get on your level. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about, man? He's like, I'm interested to hear what you think about this. Why? Why?

Why would you care what I think about anything that you're doing? You're a wildly successful person. He is like so smart, though, because I knew as soon as we started about Masters, he was going to be like, I knew he owned it. Yeah. A good portion of it. I just knew. Sounds like wifey was not letting that happen. All right. Last interview. Jake. Jake. it. Yeah. A good portion of it. I just knew. Sounds like wifey was not letting that happen.

All right. Last interview. Jake. Jake. Josh. Josh. Last interview. Jake Duhamel.

What? What's his name? Josh. Josh Duhamel. Josh Duhamel. Yikes. All right. Last interview.

I'm going to forget it again. What? Josh. Josh. Josh Duhamel. All right. Last interview of the day is Josh. Just leave that in. Just leave that in just leave that in

that's not like a knock on him that's just me like my brain stopped working last interview of the day josh dumel he is a a name of one of our jenga teams for some reason he's one of the most handsome cats you'll ever meet he's good dude funny movie coming out seems like a real normal like down-to-earth guys guys so he fits right in with us let's get into it it's brought to you by miller light a real guy's guy who wants to crack open i would love to have a beer with jake josh do hamill hamill man uh he seems like the type of guy who can throw him back right i bet you if i asked he'd be like yeah i can drink many of those yeah uh we always celebrate responsibly here but i feel like you know you know a guy who can throw him back he's one of them and whether you're celebrating a new movie coming out or you're trying to get through production or you're

just kicking back and having a conversation miller light is the go-to beer because it's great taste it's less filling and whenever you get together with your closest friends you got to get your closest beer and for me it's miller light it's the beer i'd go to the most it's the it's like we talked about what voices have you heard the most what beer have you drank the most it's miller light because it's miller every single time for me. It's brewed in a Miller Brewing Company in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It's only 96 calories and 3.2 carbs for 12 ounces. And you can go to MillerLite.com slash KFC to find delivery options near you.

I hate to put it out there in the universe, but I feel like we're all going to end up back at home shortly. And so you've got to make sure you stock up, and you've got to make sure you have your delivery options ready and know exactly at all times how to get Miller light into your hands. So go to Miller light.com slash KFC, find the delivery options near you and always celebrate responsibly. Josh,

let's do it. There we go. What's going on, man? I like, you know, I forgot about the last one. I'm having a bad hair day.

I wasn't going to wear the hat, but now you're wearing the hat. I'll put the hat on, too. Let's go. How we doing, dude? I'm doing all right. Where are you right now? I'm in Mexico City. Okay, because I was going to say, you know, we rarely do 10 a.m. interviews,

and so you just did a couple. So you're up, but I don't know where Mexico City is. What time is it? I thought you were going to say L.A. I'm laughing, but I don't know where Mexico City is. What time is it going to be at? I thought you were going to say L.A. I'm laughing, but I don't know the answer. So basically, what time is it there? Central time. Okay, so not too crazy. I'm behind you guys.

You guys are in New York, right? Yeah, we're in New York, yeah. But even still, you know, pretty early for, you know, usually we're talking to, you know, fancy actors and entertainers who aren't getting up early in the morning to do this shit so i feel like you're cut from a different cloth maybe no well you know i do what i gotta do to promote my movie man yeah i get it i get it man we were just watching the trailer and uh it looks like that had to be a fucking fun time to uh to film that huh yeah it was it was i still can't even believe we got it done.

I mean, it surprises me that any movie gets made after going through what we did because it's, there's just so many things that have to come together in order to even get it, you know, shot. Right. And then, you know, from the writing to the rewriting to getting, you know, the money, to getting the cast, to getting, you know, the, all the pre-production and then the shooting of it and then editing. And now're in the you know and then now now we're now it's game time yeah and i'm really proud of the movie as you can see in the trailer it's pretty wild did you watch the

red or the green we did green yeah the red is probably the green is pretty like it's pretty good i can imagine the red must go hard in the paint then, man. It really does. Well, that's what I wanted to do when I made it. I wanted to do something. Because I love hard dude comedies. Yeah. That's a new genre. I like that.

Josh Duhamel, star of hard dude comedies. That's not quite what I meant, but yeah. I feel like that's a category on porn hub hard dude it is yeah it definitely is or at least implied on every video but that no there is something to that i feel like um well are you friendly with a lot of these guys or was this is this just like you know a regular process of actors coming together because it it does feel like it could be something where you know yeah you're acting of course but it feels like you guys are just kind of being yourselves and like fucking around while the cameras are rolling yeah i didn't know i knew

let's see i knew nick really well i knew dax really well i hadn't met kevin dylan um i knew dan i knew james roday i knew olivia uh so it was there was definitely some history with all of us which i wanted you know this movie wasn't going to work if it didn't feel like a real group of I knew Olivia. So it was, there was definitely some history with all of us, which I wanted, you know, this movie wasn't going to work if it didn't feel like a real group of friends, like a real, like deep-rooted, like, you know, a group of friends that have been friends forever. And so that was part of the reason why. And plus they all did it for basically free.

That's always a plus. That's always good. If the movie movie does well they'll make good money but you know they i got i got a hand it to them they stepped up and and and showed up and then laid it down when i got there i was just i'm so grateful to have had them you know come and do that movie for me and it was just how does that process work because you're i mean you were involved in absolutely everything start to finish on this project. Right. So like when you when you get them in the room kind of like so, you know, it's not going to pay the best or what. But they're just like down to like like like let's fuck around, have a good time or like that process seems like it's got to be different from other movies.

Well, Nick and I had been friends. He was in from the beginning and he loved the script. But whenever you're trying to put one of these, they have what they call a cue number where they have, you know, every actor's got a certain number that they place on you based on what your international value is. Oh, right, right. Yeah, yeah. So I needed to get a Dax Shepard and I needed an Olivia Munn to make this really, to get the green light.

Right. So I was brilliant in going to Olivia and telling her, you know, talking about the movie, how I was going to direct it, what I wanted her to, I'd love for her to be a part. She's perfect for it. Never committed, but said, you know what, I'll, I'll take a look, whatever. So then I talked to Dax and I said, so Olivia's in. And I said the same thing to Olivia. I was like, so Olivia Dax is in.

Without having either of them really on board. But again, they both showed up and they both did a great job. The movie, I'm very proud of it. We've shown it a few times in screen tests and people absolutely lose their shit, which I was really scared of because I've got a pretty messed up sense of humor. Yeah, clearly. You put so much time into something,

you don't know if people are going to think it's funny. Right. That's always like the scariest thing to me, like on a very shred of a level because we write blogs, it only takes an hour. It's not like a months, months long but when you when you put in a joke or you make a reference that you think is gonna hit or other people are gonna get and then they're just like uh no dude we never did that like i don't know what you're talking about it's like oh fuck i thought everyone would like

that well yeah so yeah you know i mean it was but to see them react to where they did, it was like, it was just such a feeling of relief to know, okay, this movie actually works now, you know, now we've, so I was more worried about the screen tests or the, uh, the, the screenings that I, that I, that I am now, because I know that it's funny. It's just a matter of, you know, it's not for everybody because you know it is pretty hard-hitting um we do a lot of hard stuff in this movie it's hard dude it's hard hitting let's go there's some stuff you can't unsee man and i want to do you come up with that kind of stuff i always say that like when i watch a a horror movie like hostile or saw one of the

really fucked up ones, I always think like whoever comes up with that stuff, like they're kind of crazy. Yeah. And obviously this is in a more comedic way, but I'm like, is that, are all these things your ideas? Because you're fucking weird then, bro. Yeah. Well, I'm pretty certain people are going to have a different opinion of me after seeing

the movie. But that's okay. You know, it's, I wanted, I love these kinds of me, but that's okay. You know, it's, uh, I wanted, I love these kinds of movies, you know,

and these are the kinds of movies I go see. Uh, what else would you put on this level when you say these kinds of movies? Well, I love hangover. I thought that I thought I love Todd Phillips. So he's one of my favorite directors. Right.

Um, it's got some Judd Apatow in it. It's not, it does have heart too. It's about friends and how friendships become more valuable as you get older. So I want, I don't want to just do like dumb comedy. I wanted it to actually, I wanted to earn it. You know, I wanted to earn it through story. And so that's, that was, that was the idea.

So Todd Phillips, Dumb and Dumber the idea. So, so Todd Phillips, Dumb and Dumber is one of my favorite movies of all time. Yeah. We got a guy, he's 28 who just watched it for the first time the other day. And I, I mean, I like, I almost like sent him home as a homework project. Like you have to fucking watch this movie. It's inexcusable to not know it. Yeah. You know, the Fairley brothers, they don't, they don't pull any punches, you know? And I, and I wanted to make that kind of movie. Uh, it's probably, you know, a lot of times for, for, you know,

actors who go direct for the first time, they want to prove their artistic ability and telling something about, you know, suicidal poet and, and, and, and Lower East Side or something or something right right no i want to make people laugh i want to i want it to be fun i want people i want to do it something that i would go see and that's that's what we did i love that outlook that's like what would you rather if i gave you like you could win like a an oscar for being the suicidal poet on the lower east side of the passion project or some shit or be regarded as like, this is like the funny, this comes out and it's regarded as like

the funniest movie of a generation, a cult classic that people will be talking about forever. Which one would you pick? I would take that. I mean, listen, an Oscar would be great. I can tell you with a fair amount of certainty that I'm not going to win an Oscar for this movie. Yo, you never know, man.

You know, these guys, sometimes they flip a switch. They lose some weight. All you got to do is lose weight. No, you got to put weight on. Yeah, right. You got to make a body transformation. So if you get fat and you change genders or something, you're good. You're good to go.

We can do this, man. Josh, if you become a fat woman, you'll definitely win. Done. Yes. And then you. We can do this, man. Josh, if you become a fat woman, you'll definitely win. Done! And then you can make a movie about hard chicks. Hard chick stuff. A hard chick comedy. There you go. I love it, man. Is this how you are?

Well, actually, let me back up. You just said something I think is interesting. You said, as you get older, friendships... How do you phrase it? Friendships mean more? I think that as we get older, our friendships become more valuable because the longer I mean, my buddies and I, some of them are since kindergarten, you know, and that is important to me because some people fall off. Some people, you know, you meet new people, which is always part of life. But those people that have been there and seen everything and know you inside and out. Yeah. That's what, like, that's like a 40 year friendship, right?

Yeah. I mean, literally my buddy, Chad, my, my buddy, they're both named Chad, Chad Schmidt, Chad Bjork. Of course. Josh, you have two friends named Chad? Chad. There's Chad Bjork, there's Chad Schmidt, there's Chad Kelly, and there's Chad Arnbacher. There's four of us. Get the fuck out of here. You got four Chads and one of them's Chad Arork, there's Chad Schmidt, there's Chad Kelly, and there's Chad Hornbacher. There's four of us. Get the fuck out of here. You got four Chads and one of them is Chad Armbacher? I mean, goodness. No, Hornbacher. Hornbacher.

Oh, my God. Be more stereotypical. That's unbelievable, man. He's got a twin brother named Corey. Corey and Chad. That's incredible, man. Are you the – like, did you fuck around with these guys a lot? I feel like –

Oh, my God. Yeah. I'm not even going gonna get into some of the i mean we're mid 40s now and we literally immediately revert back to our 16 year old selves when we get together what's the uh most that you can tell the most you know ridiculous stunt or bet or whatever that you've gone through with with, Chad, Chad, and Chad. Oh God, what can I say without, without like pissing these guys off? Uh, so one of the guys, I won't say who thinks it's really funny to whip his junk out and, uh, or, or take your credit cards or something that you use or put on your face or brush your teeth with or whatever. he likes to take video of using it like he'll he'll take his he'll take his pecker and he'll put his

somebody's glasses on it and then he'll do like a whole bit like speaking and then what sends you the video a couple days later when it's too late and you're like and the character's name is peter of course and so he'll say but then after you'll see the guy with the glasses on and he won't say anything but then he'll send the video out that's sociopathic that's vile yeah that's vile stuff it's an incredible breach of trust. Or he'll mix drinks with Peter, you know. I love it, man.

I feel like either there's not many guys in Hollywood who are like that, or they hide it, or they don't put it into their work. I feel like that's the kind of shit that resonates with other dudes who want to do hard dude stuff. Well, I think that the premise of the movie is about these games, and I think that that really resonates. I've talked to so many people who do something similar where, you know, football season, baseball season, there's always a game going on in the backyard,

and sometimes guys take it even further. Well, they'll go do, like, whether it's a weekend golf trip with the boys or a full-on buddy or like a guy Olympics or whatever. Go for the same thing, you know. I think it's inherent in all of us to have some sort of competition going on. Yeah. At least with my crew. We love playing games.

We love, and it's not just about the games. It's as much about the camaraderie as it is the, you know, crushing your brother. Yeah, well, so in the movie, the stakes is what, 150K, right? It doesn't start out that way, but you'll see you'll see when you see the movie that one of the two of the one of the characters got injured uh five years earlier in a prank that went really wrong he loved to teabag people and one of the guys was sick of it so he shot him with a paintball gun and he lost not one but two of his testicles oh no no balls chat that guy's gone

down you know a dark spiral ever since and mom comes to me i play i play the bob father and my buddy bob i play in the movie comes to me to try to get the boys back together to bring her boy back to get him out of this rut that he's been in. Well, he agrees to do it if the guy that shot him isn't going to be there. Cause he doesn't want anything to do with him. So I make up this thing, like we're all putting in a bunch of money this year. And I know that Nick Swartz is the guy that he doesn't want there. And Nick is broke, living in his van. And his, you know, I tell him that we're all putting in 50 grand and he goes and

does some heinous shit to raise that money oh that's yeah the minivan's rocking right yeah yeah that becomes about 150 000 bucks um but yeah there's a there's a reason the reason i say it though is like i feel like uh if you're a crew that does these sort of things, maybe you make the stakes money, whatever it is, I feel like it's more about the ego and the pride of it all. There's a producer here who every year does a challenge with his two brothers. So it's three guys. He's the oldest.

And they do their own Olympics where some of it's mental games, some of it's physical games. And at the end, they declare dominance, you know, dominance over the family. Like I'm like the alpha brother. They take this shit very seriously. And like the older brother won for, you know, so many years. But like finally the younger brother crept up and got a W. And like it's a huge thing for their like pride and their family dynamic, more so than any money or prize could be, you know?

Oh, absolutely. It's as much about bragging rights as it is anything. We don't, our group doesn't play for money, where there might be some, you know, golf, like a new putter or something that you could win. But, you know, it's mostly just pride. Well, yeah, because you're also the rich guy in the crew, I'd imagine. So, you know, they can't keep up.

Well, it spans. Some do well, some don't. Oh, man, that sucks. You know, guys on the other end of the spectrum yeah he knows that guy who doesn't i don't know well yeah all right we're gonna play a game here with you uh it's called answer the internet it's a card game and an app and a youtube series we created using uh all the calls we've gotten from our fans over the years and just weird hypothetical questions from the internet. So we're going to put you to the test. All right, you ready?

Yeah. Let's start off. We'll start off with some food. Would you rather give up appetizers or desserts for the rest of your life? Appetizers. That is so wrong. I mean, so just to be clear. Now, appetizers, you got to.

No more matzah sticks? No more matzah sticks. No, I think of both of those as an appetizer. Wait, are you saying give up or give out? Give up. You can't. No, no, no, no. I'll give up the dessert.

You're giving up dessert? Yeah, of course you're giving up dessert. Sorry. I thought you said give them out. No, no, no. That question would suck, man. That would be terrible. Which one would you rather serve?

No, so you're a – All right, Josh. In this hypothetical, you have to work at a TGI Friday. You're a waiter. I think appetizers – I think you're right giving up desserts, but – Here's the thing. I usually get to a restaurant and I'm so hungry that I can't wait for the appetizer. I can't give that up.

Yeah, yeah, right. That's a good point. But I don't even want dessert. Yeah, yeah, I hear that. Okay. All right. If you had to go to war, would you choose to fight during the Middle Ages, during the Revolutionary War, or World War I? Boy, none of these are good.

That's a tough one. Middle Ages, Revolutionary War, or World War I? Correct. So we're doing, you know, you're doing Revolutionary. Yeah. Why? You just really hate British people? Because it seemed a little bit, it was, you know,

you go back to the Middle Ages, that shit was barbaric. Yeah. You go to World War I, they had way too much advanced weaponry. Revolutionary War, it was just sort of in between. It felt a little bit more civil. Yeah, I could probably dodge a musket bullet. I was going to say, I feel like you could hide out and just dodge shit and just not really fight.

All right, here, we'll get philosophical with you. It seems the least traumatic. What's that? It seems the least traumatic. What's that? It seems the least traumatic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you rather go back to being 18 years old, but you know everything you know now, or you get a million dollars?

But I don't know, you're pretty rich, so let's call it like 10 million? 10 million. Or you get 10 million dollars? I would definitely go back to 18 knowing what I am now. And what would you do? What would I do? Yeah, like with that knowledge.

Not all the dumb shit I did. So it's not about what you would do. It's about what you would erase. So let's talk about your regrets, Josh. What are your biggest regrets in life? Anybody who says they don't have regrets as full as shit i mean listen uh i i can understand what you're saying but also things have worked out pretty well i don't know how much i would go and change that josh jumel's like i'd rather

live my life over again yeah fuck you man you're doing all right i think listen no i i'm not complaining but yeah i've done i'm working on some stuff i love dropping that i'm working on things i'm working on myself working on myself um are there any universally loved movies that you hate be honest uh let me think here um like i hate that tad hamilton movie that fucking sucks that movie's the best shut up um let me think here uh well i can tell you a tv show that i never really got yeah go ahead hogan's heroes i never got that show. Hogan's Heroes? Old school throwback.

Am I dating myself with that? A little bit. I don't know. Our show is kind of like we age a little bit older. There's probably some college kids listening who are like, what the fuck does that mean? Hogan's Heroes. Was that a type, though, like you would like... I hate the

Godfather. I just said this last episode. I hate the Godfather, and when people try to convert me, I'm just like – it makes me hate it more. Like, no. So I rally against the people liking it. Was there a true hatred for Hogan's Heroes? No. I just never thought it was funny. It was supposed to be a comedy. But I did like The Godfather.

What's that? I did like The Godfather. Well, yeah, you're not alone. Like 99.9%. You said that like it was an admission. You're like, well, did like The Godfather Well yeah you're not alone You said that like it was an admission Well I liked The Godfather I'm trying to think There's some sci-fi movie that I'm trying to think of That everybody talks about that I just never really understood

Or got I don't know I'd have to think about that one Let's go Come back to it What do you think okay would you rather eat only shitty airplane food for the rest of your life or you can

have every meal you eat is amazing but you can only drink non-alcoholic beer shitty airplane food you gotta have your beer yeah airplane food sucks man i honestly think it's pretty good yeah well you have no standards no yeah it does but then you'd have to give up beer it's not it's absolutely not worth it airplane food's fine it gets the job done it does yeah no offense to people that have given up you know drinking but yeah i mean it's come on you can get through airplane food for like an airplane ride if it's every meal for the rest of your life are you kidding me man or you can or

you can only drink non-alcoholic beer yeah that's not like i I would much rather have an airplane get Delta a Delta. Can it be first class? No, no, no, no. We're talking like shitty, you know, regular. I was just trying to resonate with Josh. By the way, if you could fight one person to the death and you get to switch lives with them. If you beat them, who would you fight? Now, you got to pick someone who obviously you think you can beat. Otherwise, you just die.

So, you know, you can't just pick. I would have to actually, like, in reality, beat them up? Well, yeah. Let's say, you know know nobody's watching it's all you're gonna be known as the guy who like beat someone to death but if you could beat him in a fight you get to become them let's say you don't have to kill him but you gotta like knock him out i'll say patrick mahomes whoa you could kill patrick mahomes i don't think i could but i'd try if i could have his love.

Give it a shot. I don't know. I feel like that'd be a pretty good fight. I mean, he's a world-class athlete, but Josh is no fucking slouch. I also don't know if Pat Mahomes, are you a fighter? Do you do any training, like MMA type shit? I watch a lot of UFC. Does that count?

Yeah, sure. Good enough for me. Good enough for me. Imagine that. That guy, I'd have to say right now, in the entire world of, just the entire world, he might be riding the number one wave, highest of highs, a $500 million contract, MVPs, Super Bowls, and he's only like 17 years old.

That's crazy. He's unreal. I don't mean to change the subject. What do you guys think about Trevor Lawrence? Is he going to be the same? Is he going to be the same? Is he going to be the same from COVID? No. Is he going to be the same type of quarterback?

Oh, he's going to be the same type of player. Oh, yeah. I don't watch enough college football to really know. All I hear is that he's a once-in-a-generational type of talent. I'm a Jets fan. You can't have a once-in-a-generational talent. Every fucking, you know, yeah. But, well, I guess they don't say that,

but they say he's like Andrew Luck. They say he's like Peyton Manning. But, by the way, there's a huge difference between Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck. Yeah. Huge difference. But I'm a Jets fan, so I am hardcore rooting for, you know, an 0-16 tank,

and that we pick him up. But I don't know. I mean, my team's so bad, I don't know if he's good enough to turn it around. So I feel like even if he is a Patrick Mahomes talent, I don't know. My team's so bad, I don't know if he's good enough to turn it around. So I feel like even if he is a Patrick Mahomes talent, I don't know if it's enough. But it's a very high bar that you set. Are you going to be like Patrick Mahomes?

You could be very good and still not be Patrick Mahomes. Yeah, that's true. What do you think? Well, I think that the Chiefs had a lot of tools there already for him. That's what I mean, yeah. They got Andy Reid. It all depends. These guys can be great, but if they don't have the right system around them.

Right. So the Jets need to outplay the game. I mean, the Jets don't have a system, like, period, let alone a good one for a young – I mean, a shitty coach, no weapons. Yeah. I mean, I think there's – he's probably not going to do it because there's too much money on the line, but I would heavily consider not going out in this draft i don't get why he

doesn't just go get drafted and say no to pull the eli manning yeah how about that if you were a a top college quarterback say you're trevor lawrence and the jets gotta have the number one pick would you pull an eli manning and hold out and say like i i will refuse to play for your team you can draft me but you got to trade me because I will not take the field. Because then you kind of become an asshole and a diva in the moment, but look how it worked out for Peyton. Everyone forgets. Everybody forgot. Eli Manning goes on to win two Super Bowls.

He does it with a smile on his face. He's a really great guy. Good family guy otherwise. And they just forget that he was kind of a really selfish asshole to kick off his career. Well, you know, Elway did the same thing back in the day. Right, and nobody talks about it. I mean, the difference is you have to get it done. his career. Well, you know, Elway did the same thing. Right. Right. And nobody talks about, I mean, the difference is you have to get it done. If you do that, you have to deliver. But if you do feel like nobody brings it up anymore,

would you pull that? Would you pull that stunt? Maybe. I mean, I don't, I mean, you only get one shot, right? No, you don't want to be the number one guy and be a bust either. You need, you know, you have to have be the number one guy and be a bust either you need you know you have to have a good supporting cast around you anybody who's successful does and it's also the only you know industry in the world where it's like you get forced into a job that you don't want to do you know it's like if you were applying for a job in like finance it was like well i can go

work for like a good company or a shitty company and that's my you know i have the choice you know it's crazy that we like force these kids to play somewhere they don't want to play yeah but the jets could be and should be good you know i feel like they could turn it around i feel like you've been saying i've been saying that my whole fucking life man and it just should be good they're just somehow not they just never are it is i'm a vikes fan and they're always they're better than the Jets but we can never really get we can never really you know

get over the top either. Yeah. It's frustrating. What was that 98 that you had your shot? Was it? Yeah. That's the kind of shit

that haunts you for the rest of your life. It changes the whole franchise you know what I mean? You get that one done and it's like you know the whole trajectory

of your team changes forever. I mean you did have the sex boat, though. That was pretty cool. Sex boat was cool. That was cool. Would you rather win a Super Bowl or be on the sex boat?

I got one last philosophical question for you here. All right. Do you believe that the Helen Keller story is real? Why would I not believe that? Because think about it, Josh. This is one I've been thinking about my whole life and career. Kevin dies on this hill. And I honestly, I'm with him.

It's just impossible to do what she did. I think it's a story. I think it's a made-up tale. And I don't think it's possible for someone who's deaf, blind, and mute to learn how to read and write. I mean, how would you teach that, Josh? How would you teach someone? How did Ann Sullivan do it?

She did it. It's impossible. Give me your first, like, what would be your first thing that you would do to start teaching me? Think about it. Everything you say to me or do to me, I wouldn't know because I can't. What would you do? Teach me how to, teach me the word dog, Josh. Teach me what a dog is.

Try it. And I'll pretend that I can't see, can't hear, and can't read or write. I'd bring a dog in and I'd let you pet it. Okay, now I'm petting a furry thing. And then I would take what are the little um

what is it? Braille? No, when you like for people that can't, that are blind to read, they can touch the braille. It's like the writing with the bump. Braille, braille. Braille, yeah. Braille.

I have her pet the dog, and then I have her, I teach her the braille of what that is. Okay, so I touch a fluffy thing, and then I touch some bumps, and you expect me to know that this is a system for reading and writing for people who are blind. It's never going to work, Josh. It's not a real story. It's not real. I think he doesn't want to get in trouble, but he knows the headlines are going to read. He knows what's up. Somebody made that story up.

Why would you make that story up? I mean, you know, it's a good it's sold some up? It's quite a tale. It sold some books. It's a good tale. It's an inspiration to everybody. Just think about it. Just give it some thought. You'll be thinking about this the rest of the week, I guarantee you. I really will. Get back to me when you realize I'm right.

Shoot me a DM or something. You're right. Alright, man. Thanks so much. We really appreciate the time. Buddy Games is out on november 24th josh he wrote it he directed it he stars in it uh it sounds like it's a real if you're i mean if you're like a barstool fan you're in our audience you're you're a guy's guy who likes hard dude stuff this is the movie for you so thanks a lot for the time it's gonna be in 400 uh screens too we just found that out a couple days ago so they're

going to be showing it in theaters too which is awesome i know that the the goal post keeps moving with the covet situation but right now we're going to be in 400 screens which is going to be awesome it's a great place to it's a great way to see the movie yeah get back out there get a bucket of popcorn and enjoy it in theaters thanks a lot man, man. We really appreciate it. Have a good one. Thanks, man. You guys take care. You too. I've got some issues that nobody can see And all of these emotions are pouring out of me

I bring them to the life in me It's only right This is the soundtrack to my life The soundtrack to my life To my life To my life To my life To my life

To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life

To my life To my life To my life To my life To my life Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.