KFC Radio - Bert Kreischer, Shane Gillis, and Mark Normand Recount Memories from Bus Hangs - Full Episode

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

Bert Kreischer, Shane Gillis, and Mark Normand, three of the hottest comedians in the industry right now, join us to talk about - Dave Portnoy on Joe Rogan - Comedy and Only Fans has the same audience - Mark Normand fell out of a tree recently - Malaria shots f*** you up - Comedy scenes in different cities and top comedians in every city - Comic who asks for clean AF1s on their rider and other rider asks - people who can't read - Bert's past assistants - Bus hangs - Comedy industry - Can Bert catch Christian Mccaffrey? - Steroids - Basketball Money hypothetical - if you had a terminal disease how many years to change +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 00:00:00 Start 00:10:40 Dave Portnoy on Joe Rogan 00:16:38 Comedy and Only Fans has the same audience 00:20:27 Mark Normand fell out of a tree recently 00:22:06 Malaria shots f*** you up 00:24:18 Comedy scenes in different cities 00:30:21 Comic who asks for clean AF1s on their rider 00:33:38 people who can't read 00:35:51 Bert's past assistants 00:42:54 Bus hangs 00:56:16 Comedy industry 01:01:18 Can Bert catch Christian Mccaffrey? 01:10:41 Steroids 01:13:15 Basketball Money hypothetical 01:19:11 if you had a terminal disease how many years to change +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Sportsbook: Must be 21+ Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER Manscaped: Get 20% off + free shipping with code KFC at https://barstool.link/ManscapedBarstool Betterhelp: This episode is sponsored by Betterhelp. Go to https://barstool.link/BHKFC for 10% off your first month +++++++++++++++++++++++++You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. So we get out, and he's feeling confident, and he's doing an interview. You can see this is the best part. He's doing an interview with the camera, and behind, I'm serving to his tennis coach, and I let one go. And his tennis coach comes up to him, and he goes, Your boy's got a D1 serve. And he's like, what?

And he goes, we miscalculated this. It's going to be rough. And I aced him 27 times. I mean, that is so demoralizing. So much that it was so demoralizing. And his children were there. His wife was there. They were cheering for him.

Come on, Daddy. No. You can do this. Are you ready for this? Are you ready for this? I do this thing when I sit. Are you rolling right now? Okay, perfect.

I do this thing when I sit at dinner with people. and if I sit there, then these two people get ignored because I focus that way, and then they talk to my back the whole time. So I organize where people sit when we go to dinner, and I'll sit them where I can make sure that everyone has a good time. So it's better that I'm on the outside because if I was there, then I'd have my back to these guys the whole time. That makes sense. That sounds very nice to you. Yeah.

Why not? I'm a soft narcissist. A soft? Come on. I think it's pretty hard. Let me run a scenario by you right now. What if you took your... You can't talk.

Dead hooker in my trunk from last night. Can you help me get rid of him? What if you took your team out to dinner? Let's say it was 15 people. Okay. And half of them just got up and left before the bill even came. Oh, I heard this happen at Barstool. Last night.

Shut up. Last night, and it was one of the more angry, one of the most angry I've ever seen Dave. Not even screaming and yelling. He was just like, you guys are fucking animals. Like, what the fuck's wrong with you? I have genuinely never seen anything like that before. Hank came to the bar. He was one of them.

He came to the bar to meet us last night. And he told me what happened. And I was like, dude, what are you talking about? You just got up from dinner? It was a $9,000 bill. What are you talking about? How just got up from dinner? It was a $9,000 bill. What are you talking about? How much? $9,000.

Holy hell. And not only did some people get up, one person left a $20 bill. I like that guy. Who left the $20? It was Brandon Walker. Classic Walker. Now, what's funny was I asked your team, and they said, you would just be most mad that you were leaving the party.

Like, where are you guys going? Are you going somewhere? Are you going somewhere fun? Let me go to the bar with you. We went to this place called The Box. And it was bottle service. It was in London. You watch, like, I don't want to ruin it, but it's a fucking sex show in London.

It's insane. But it's bottle service. And Pete always picks up the bill. It's my credit card, but Pete always picks up the bill. And Pete got the bill, and he was hammered. And it was so bad that as he looked at it, he just couldn't make sense of it. And we watched him get the bill. He's never had a bill that big. What was it, $6,000 or something?

And that's just booze. No left dance. Just booze. Nothing. I've had bills like that. I've had fucking ridiculous bills. You get used to them where you go, I'm just expecting this is what it's going to be. I wouldn't

be upset if I was Dave. I'd be upset that they left early and they didn't want to hang out with me. Right, that's exactly what they said. You wouldn't be mad like you motherfuckers can't even bother to stick around? Can't even say thank you? Do they make a gesture? Do they go, hold, let me

throw in? I don't think so. They just fucking got up and left. It's crazy. One of them was coming to meet us. Yeah. It was Will. Will and Hank. It's crazy. One of them was coming to meet us. Yeah. It was Will. Will and Hank. And then Will today was kind of like trying to double down and defend it. He's been defending it.

Wait, how does he defend it? He's like, what the fuck? There's 15 people. Who cares? We were sitting there for three hours. It was a long meal, but I don't know, man. Dave, I mean, here's the thing. I don't know. I mean, I's i mean here's the thing i don't i mean i'm i'm in dave's position always right and i i or unless rogan's there like rogan i don't think i've ever

i've paid for i paid for one meal after sober october ended the first time i bought the meal because i wouldn't let rogan buy it because i was like he always pays for everything i was gonna say do you ever do you do the the reach for your, and then he goes, no, no, it's okay. No, no, no, no. That's a fucking coward's move. If you're a man, and you want to pay for the bill, you walk over to the fucking server, and when the meal starts, and you give a credit card, sneak it in. This is the card.

That's how a man does it. I did that one time with Ralphie. We ate sushi. Fucking $2,000 worth of sushi later. I was like, that was a fucking mistake. That was a fucking massive mistake. But yeah, you don't, the whole fucking reaching into the pocket. It's like going like, yeah, don't worry, I'm not going to cum in you.

And giving her the whoops. That's how Ralphie died. No, I always pay for that. I don't even want... I like telling people how much I paid. You like to get the credit? Oh, yeah. Super Bowl, guys? $125,000.

Whoa! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enjoy it. We haven't even gotten snacks yet. No, six people. Yeah, six people. Me, Big J, Mark, Shane Gillis, my buddy Tony Hernandez, and his son, Jax. Wait, how much is it?

Thank you. $125,000. Hold on. Let me help you. I don't even know where we're sitting. I don't even know where we're sitting. You'll make it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here's a 20. But I committed. Get the Uber. I committed to buying those tickets to them before I knew what they were going to cost I said let's do this show it'll be fun

it'll be a great time and these guys are so fucking big as comics right now they could have each done a night at the arena themselves we're doing four fucking nights at the arena 17,000 people it's a ridiculous lineup you're being hard on yourself I don't know. We're doing four fucking nights at the arena. We're moving 17,000 people. Bomb squad lineup, man. It's a ridiculous lineup.

Big bomb. You're being hard on yourself. You really are, dude. It was a tough set. We don't have to get into it. But I'm bringing it tonight. There was not even a moment where I was like, oh. No.

It was a totally normal set for you, I thought. You're crazy. You really are. Tough spot. Every comment's harder on themselves. The Ashy joke is in the fucking pantheon for me now. That is one of the are. Tough spot. Every comment's harder on themselves. The ashy joke is like in the fucking pantheon for me now.

That is one of the funniest jokes I've ever heard. Ah, jeez. I mean, it's always, I said out loud, I've never gotten, nobody's ever gotten this reaction on me.

I said, oh my God. That's fucking awesome. Oh my God, he's bombing. You're crazy, dude. You really are. Comments are always hard on themselves. They're hardest on themselves

unless you're married to my wife, and then she'll be much harder on you. Oh, she's tough. She's a fucking. Really? Oh, dude. Comments are always hard on themselves. They're hardest on themselves. Unless you're married to my wife, then she'll be much harder on you. Oh, she's tough. She's a fucking... Really? Oh, dude. Really hard to get off. She'll give you feedback.

She'll give you feedback that hits you in the place that hurts the most. Yeah. You need that, though, no? No. No. No, sometimes just don't speak. I do not take constructive criticism. I don't do it well either, but we're fucking animals.

If I'm doing something you don't like, shut up. Yeah. It's not going to change. It's just going to make me sad. There are some people you want to just vent to and don't want to hear the truth or whatever. But I think some people being like, don't put this out. It's going to suck is necessary. Sure.

Need a little honesty. You get a bunch of yes men. We did the Greek. Me and Mark and Sam Morrell. Yeah. Did the Greek. That was awesome. Did the Greek.

It was great, right? We all had great sets, all right? Hot show. Great crowd. Everyone murdered. The Greek. Get in the car. That was fun.

And my wife goes, so funny, I thought you bombed. Oh, that's divorce. And I go, why would you say that? She goes, i'm just saying like my i had a really bad seat i just sit on the side so i couldn't really see you on stage the whole time and like my seat i just thought and i went hold on hold on i just did the greek i'm i got a good buzz going all you had to do is just not say a word let's go to bed yeah yeah to bed and i go why would you say that and she goes well no i was just saying like i thought you bombed and

i went no i know what you said. I got the words. Don't even repeat it. I didn't think you would ask everyone there. That was your opinion coming. Risky talk. OJ's wife talked like that. I said, I wrote a joke right that night. I said, I wonder if my wife and I had been married when men could hit women, if we'd have

the same relationship. I feel like you'd swing on Leanne once, she'd duck it and just fucking clean your cloth. She's southern. She'd rip out a pocket knife on you. I was in Atlanta two weeks ago and the symphony hall was the first big theater I've ever done.

And get done, these two dudes were at the bar, they were like, we fucking love you, that was the best thing. And both their girlfriends were like, eh. It's crazy. I was like, no, what do you mean? I asked. Yeah. And they were like, it just seemed like the room might have been too big for you.

No way. You got me. You got me exactly right. And then I was like, oh, they probably just don't like my style of comedy. Maybe whoever they like is going to suck. I was like, who do you guys normally like? They my style of comedy. Maybe whoever they like is going to suck. I was like, who do you guys normally like? They're like, we like Tony Ingecliff and David Lucas. Oh, weird.

And I was like, wait, and you thought I? And some of your jokes were like cheap laughs. What? They just fucking dripped. Wow, jeez. And then they started talking to me. And they were trying to be like, no, we were just, you're going to be better at it. They kept trying to like. Keep it up. I was like, I'm going to leave. I were like trying to be like no we were just you're gonna be better at it like keep it up i'm gonna leave that's like when a girl says is it is it in yet

that happened to me when i lost my virginity oh really yeah the first time yeah i put a condom on i got on top of her i blew my load and then she said it are you gonna put it in and i went what am i doing between her butt cheek and the bed. I didn't even want to fuck a person. I fucked a mattress. I didn't even get her to be there. Compromised condom. I went back in. Oh, biggest mistake of my fucking life.

Yeah. Yeah, it was. Well, you just waited to get like a little recovery time and went back in? No, no, no, no. I was 17. No recovery time. I went back in. I just went back in.

Condom. Full. And I went back in it was like if you were going to take a hike and you go hey do you want to jump in the river

and get our socks good and wet first fucking most unenjoyable hike of my life my dick's you ever try to keep jerking off and just go we'll see if I can just

push through this miserable I mean if there's a time in life you can do that at 17 try to do that now for fucking forget about it. But back when you were a kid, you could maybe get the reload.

We had a girl at the bar last night, yesterday, where we were doing two hours of radio, and Dave was doing some mini golf shit. Who's this Dave? Portnoy. I'm joking. It's a joke. He's excited about Dave.

Yeah. Norman, two times yesterday, was like, you know, I heard Portnoy is going to be out here. Really? Are you a big Dave fan? We got to get him to the show. Yeah. I think he would like the ashy joke. I've heard David doesn't like stand-up comedy.

Oh, that's right. Wait, are you serious? Yeah. He likes Chris Rock. Yeah, we all like Chris Rock. That's it. It's weird. Wait, are you serious? What the fuck does that mean? Yeah. He likes Chris Rock. Yeah, we all like Chris Rock. That's it. It's weird. Does he like Coke?

Cocaine? Yeah. He's done it 11 times in his life. Yeah, he's not a cocaine guy. Oh, for real? No. He always says he does it 11 times. He may not like comedy.

11 times. Guys who don't like Coke, you should don't like comedy. He likes Adderall. Adderall's Adderall. Same thing. I saw that on Rogan. Wow. Yeah.

What did you say? I was like, that was a good, I liked it because it's like, he's being honest, but you fucking line yourself up for the trolls on that one. I think that slipped out a little bit. 50? 30. 30. 30 milligrams.

You said I'd do 30 milligrams every day. Yeah. And people were like, He just said it and then Afterwards people were like holy shit dude I'll tell you it cures a hangover like nothing else Let's bring Dave out to a show He's probably busy as fuck I think he'd fucking like one of us

I think He definitely would not like my act Without a doubt Dave's too smart To see me and go, I have this shirt thing. I like it. Oh, you take it off.

Okay. I also like we've done so much in comedy with our show that he automatically has to not like it. He never likes comedy. I agree, but I think the double down on it's like, oh, these are your friends?

Okay, never mind. Does he like Bill Burr? Yeah, he does like Bill. He likes Bill as a person. I don't even know if he knows Bill that. That's the first. That's usually the opposite. Jesus Christ.

Well, I think they are. No, he likes OJ's work after football. Likes Harvey now. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah. I don't know. I remember when he was doing pizza reviews, and Sebastian came to New York, and he sold

out. I think he sold four nights at the Garden. I went to one of those. He moved like 100,000 tickets that weekend. And Dave was like, who is this guy? And I was like, he's selling out the entire city. There you go, big boy. I'm not going to get sunburned on my fucking arm for my show.

I'm getting fucking... I'm going to get my whole fucking body and look gorgeous on stage. I offered you the good stuff. Yeah, let me get some of that cream. You're getting pink. But he was like, I don't even get, like, why would I have him on my show? I was like, he has like half of Manhattan going to see him this weekend, man. That's why. In all fairness, I am a huge Sebastian fan as a person and as a comic.

Dave Portnoy and Sebastian Maniscalco on a podcast. Oil and water, man. I would rather watch a fucking beheading video well it's a good fun anyways i mean those two those two sebastian's he does he's not an over sharer right and dave doesn't doesn't like drown in the shallow end right so like the two of them together it just would be you're right you're totally right but to just you know he's like i don't even no i don't need this guy. I did a podcast with Dave.

Dave's got a little bit of the Rogan in him. I did a podcast with Dave one time, me and Bill did. Steroids? No. And he just is a guy that goes like, what the fuck do you mean? I don't get it. Just put it on your face, bro. I know you want to do it.

Yeah. He's a guy who goes like, what the fuck do you mean? I don't get it. Put it on your face, bro. I know you want to do it. He's the guy who does what? He just goes like, you'd ask a fun question, you know, like a question that could take you into a fun direction, and he'd go, no, I don't get it. Dave is not here for hypotheticals and fun. I did that for ten fucking years

where, you know, sometimes it's like you just go with the joke. You laugh at the joke, you understand the take. joke. I think I said to him, I said. You laugh at the joke. You understand the take. Dave has a beautiful left-handed swing, baseball swing. I think I said to him, would you ever want to buy a minor league team? And he's like, no, next question. Why would I ever want to do that?

And I was like, okay. Good fodder. Maybe I can tell you my bit about wanting to buy a team, but I guess we'll Brewster Millions this. Yeah, we once did a Barstool Idol it was called. We had people compete to try to get a job. I remember this guy

came up and he goes, I got a buffet of bits for you guys today. It was like, eh. This kid waited online for hours. I was like, see you fucking later, man. You remember Michigan Man crying? We had a kid This kid waited online for hours. I was like, see you fucking later, man. Oh, yeah. You remember Michigan Man crying? Oh, yeah.

We had a kid compete for this job, and it was like elimination day. So there's three judges, me, Dave, and someone else, and he's sitting in the crowd. And I look out, and he's just going. And I was like, are you fucking crying fucking crying man he was outright weeping it was like it was kind of like a it was like a game show it was like

day one you all have to sleep in the office day two there's a competition day three you've got to do some stand up

whatever the fuck it was yeah and they so they get to know each other a little bit and he was like I just I just know

one of us is going home and Dave was like get out of here you pussy. You kicked him out for that? Yeah, no, he got the boot, I think. No, he got the boot later. He got the boot eventually, yeah.

He was Michigan, man. I'll never forget that guy. Was that in New York? Yeah. Man, that office is so nice. Yeah, this was the office prior to that, but yeah. Yeah, we've got a monster spot now. It's fucking crazy.

This is the business model. Like, this is like, Shannon and I were talking last night about, you know, what you guys do and how it's such on a fucking big level and how it really is good for comedy. But I don't think it's been good,

despite Dave not caring that it's good for comedy. It's good for comedy. Like, you guys have all been so kind to comedians and putting us over with your fans. It's kind of symbiotic. It's my pleasure. Yeah, totally. I was going to say, like, I love to do that, but it's been huge for us because, you know,

I think you guys are in the middle of a, I don't know, golden age of comedy or a renaissance of comedy, whatever you want to call it, where podcasts and stand-up are just... You got that right. Cosby's back. it where it podcasts and stand up are just, I mean, it's, it's, it's, to me it's like sports, you know, it was always King. And then if you think of like the next, the next thing that people follow or have fan your fans of, it's in our demo, it's comedy. We were talking yesterday, I think it was before mark got to the house about how our demographic is also closely tied to only fans models really you think the same people who

it's why glennie balls is a goddamn genius because because every person who subscribes to those only fans also love sports and fucking fat dudes who tell jokes. And we were literally trying to brainstorm of how to do something adjacent to what Glennie Balls does because it's really brilliant. It's really brilliant. The idea was good. You wanted to bring them on and punch them?

Hold on. That was a plan. Hold on. You're pitching it wrong. I wanted to knock the wind out of them. Because everyone makes a hilarious sound when they get the wind. It's like hot ones, right? Everyone's like, oh, it's so hot, it's so hot.

It's the moment. You want to catch the moment, the real moment. You can't script. You can't fake. You can hear most of those girls get the wind knocked out of them. How much do you want everything else knocked out of them. How much do you want to mix? They consent. You get a doctor on thing.

Everyone's behind the camera on staff. You put on a funny boxing glove with a sponsor. And then you just punch a whore. Like right in the back? Punch him in the stomach. No, in the back. Maybe in the back is better, but you knock the wind out of him. So they go. Guys would jerk off to that. that honestly that's probably easier than their

regular the regular one just one punch to the stomach and i'm done let's fucking go it's a lot easier than we got sportsbook ads kfc radio where all the real sportsbook players come to listen to podcasts the sport the barcelona sportsbook is the sportsbook made for stoolies, and it's the only place to find exclusive picks and parlays from Big Cat and El Pres. This is funny that they have us reading this. Yeah, these two guys, Big Cat and El Pres, man, they're giving out good picks all the time. It's crazy.

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gamblers, and unlock $1,000 new player bonus. Un and unlock $1,000 new player bonus. Must be 21 plus. Gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER. What I'm about to do. It's the funniest thing when someone gets the wind knocked out of them. There's nothing good about aging and getting old, except for the fact, I think pretty much after the age of like 15, maybe a little older when you're in college, you do some dumb shit.

Like, I'll never get the wind knocked out of me ever again. It could happen. Put it this way. If it does, something has gone catastrophically wrong. I fell out of a tree last week. See, I'm not climbing a tree. I think the picture. I'm not climbing a tree. Just watch porn.

Why climb a tree to jerk off? I was chasing a kid. I can't tell if this is a normal tree. I was just climbing a tree just fucking around, and I fell back. You ever see a tree that's so climbable? Low branch? There's not many climbable trees for me. It's got a little fucking ladder on it.

We could get you on a stump. But yeah, I climbed that tree and I just lost it and fell backwards and I hit a branch on the bottom like a root

and I just and it sucks. See, I will never climb a tree again. All right. I'm keeping both of my feet on the ground until I'm dead.

Do you know the number one reason people mostly fall out of trees? And it's not overconfidence. Shout out to Shane Moss. Snakes. Oh, really? They grab onto a branch and it's a snake. Whoa. Really? Yeah. That would terrify the fuck out of me.

Oh. You grab the snake? We were in Vietnam and they told us, don't grab onto the trees because it'll be a green viper and you'll grab onto it. Like you'll, if you're to like steady yourself. So you had to walk through the thing and just, I was like looking for vipers every step I took.

Fucking terrifying. I'm so happy you didn't pick a weird place like that for a trip. I had a, I had a bad feeling you were going to do that for the comedic effect. I told you we were going to go to Morocco. But Morocco's not too crazy, right? It's technically Africa, right? But it's not like... I thought you were going to be like,

we're going to the Serengeti. Get your malaria shots. Just to be like, ha ha, isn't that funny? It's like much, much happier with fucking Amsterdam. Just went to Africa, took the malaria shots, fucked me up more than malaria would have. The dreams are horrible. They're horrible. The dreams.

They're horrible. No way. Wild dreams. That was MLK. It was crazy. He had a dream. Yeah. But I had stomach pains.

I couldn't move one day. I had to take a whole day off. Just give me the malaria. Yeah. And I just stopped taking it. I was like, this is too much. It's not worth it. My dreams were fucking magical.

Like magical dreams. I ended up selling them to Comedy. My dreams were fucking magical. Like, magical dreams. I ended up selling them to Comedy Central. They were fucking amazing. Like the stories of your dreams? My dreams, they were so intense, I would get up and record them. Because I was like, these are, this isn't real. Like, they were, I mean, they were next level. I had a dream that, I mean, I had, I, I, it, I, I'm normally, I had a dream one time that I went into Stanhope's house

or into Rogan's house and they were it was like Game of Thrones there were fires everywhere and they were like Rogan grabbed me he goes Stanhope's been waiting for you

he wants you to read his book I was writing a book at the time so I go I go see him and he goes I go what's up and he's like

I want you to read my book so I was like sure and he gives me a folder and it's got a piece of paper on it with just like three paragraphs. And he goes, read it.

So I read the paragraphs. I go, it's great. It's awesome. He goes, turn the page. I turn it. It says, take one of these and read it again. So I take the little piece of paper. I read it again.

I go, I don't get it. And he goes, it's acid. Wait till it kicks in. I've picked the perfect words to show you the perfect story. And then I look at the paper, and now the letters are fighting each other. Like, on horseback. Like, and then they glimmer

and they raise off the thing. I bet the N won. What? And I was like, and that was a dream I had. So I fucking woke up, I wrote it down. I had a ton of them. I had fucking crazy goddamn dreams. You were there for comedy Or for Honeymoon

Oh that's right honeymoon Yeah safari Congrats man No comedy I figured where I've been to China We've been to Australia We've been to Europe

Where will somewhere I'll never do a set The jungle So That's where we went It was awesome Oh you know Did you go to South Africa

Yeah I did stand up in South Africa Really Yeah it was. It was awesome. Did you go to South Africa? Yeah. I did stand up in South Africa. Really? Yeah, it was awesome. It was great. Yeah, South Africa is fucking great for comedy. Really? Do they have clubs?

Yeah, they have clubs. And you do theaters. I mean, they show up. You could do a theater in South Africa. And then there's a short trip to Antarctica, if you want to go to Antarctica. Antarctica. They have a show for 3,000 scientists. 3,000 in Antarctica?

3,000 people living in Antarctica And they all live in the same little fucking village Whoa And I guess if you You know There's nothing to do up there Private jet $15,000

That's nothing I know right Private jet South Africa South Antarctica $15,000 And you said there's a theater there

Or just 3,000 people live there? A theater You can set up They do I think they do have a theater. You can set it up. They probably come from far and wide. They're fucking human beings that moved to Antarctica. They're social. They're the weirdest fucking humans we have on this planet.

It's people that think Lex Friedman's too outgoing. You know what else is like that? I just went to Key West. That's a whole other world over there. Antarctica, Key West. Well, it's people who ran over a kid in the 80s, and they're like, I got to just escape and just drink all day.

Anyone who lives on an island is running from something. You know, for sure. It could be fucking Martha's Vineyard. It doesn't matter. Yes, exactly. I say you're all, yeah, you say they're year-round. Forget about it. Alaska's got those people.

Yeah, for sure. Alaska's got those people. alaska's got those people um but yeah qs is fucking awesome it's awesome i fucking love q i always say live there it's like if new orleans fucked a red lobster you know because you got the party but at this beachiness too that's so funny let's do states that you have because mine is um alaska's like color Colorado but with a big dick Alright Let's see Dallas is like If Texas let you come in it

Oh that's Austin Fuck that fuck I fucked it up Denver is like if Portland raped Dallas What's Philly Shane? I'm not participating Come on Philly, Shane? I don't know. I'm not participating. Philly's like if Belfast could read. I was going to say if Boston had a pill addiction. Yeah, I like that.

But they already do, I think. We were silly after a show once, and we were walking to McGinn's. Is that the bar there? Yes, I think. They love the opioid. We were silly after a show once, and we were walking to McGinn's. Is that the bar there? Yes, it is. Yeah. It's an old school Philly bar. Yeah, real old.

And we were walking, and dude, it was like, it was, I had heard that Philly was crazy with like the perks and shit like that, and it was like walking through like The Walking Dead. Everyone was a zombie. Yeah. And some dude comes up to me just like fucking all pilled out and he's like, dude, do you have $5?

And I was like, no, I don't. He goes, come on, bro. I'm about to shit my pants. What are you going to do with the $5?

I'm not going to help you. You fucking plugging it? What are you talking about? Now I shit my pants but I have $5. Right. But Philly, what's interesting about Philly

is it's a good comedy town. Yeah. One of the best. One of the best comedy towns. Philly, Right now, Philly is, there's like, there's like One of the best. One of the best comedy towns. Philly, Ballston. Right now, Philly is there's like eight to ten of you guys who are all fucking awesome.

You guys are like the Pete Holmes crew of Chicago. Yeah, that Chicago crew is there. Mulaney, P. Holmes, T.J. Miller, Goumel. Do you think that's like coincidental or do you think it makes sense that like you guys all kind of like push each other and competitive and all that kind of shit? Yeah, I think that's probably how it works you need enough people in the city to have a club

and a scene yeah right and then because like i'm from new orleans we had no comedy there's a bar show once a week maybe so yeah i would think that it would be good to be like you'd be like the king of comedy there but it's like there's not enough of a scene to have people come out and buy tickets and all that shit. I was the king, and then I moved to New York, and I was the worst. Right. You know? It's not good. I never did it anywhere.

I just did it in New York. I did it once in Tallahassee, and I was like, I'm better than these people. I was like, I'll go to New York and just murder. Yeah. And then I was like, no, they're taking my lunch money every day, Mom. Exactly. That's what I'm supposed to do. I felt like Mary Tyler Moore when I got here.

Throwing your shirt up. I'm going to make it after all. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Those comedy scenes are fucking fascinating to me. San Francisco was a common scene for Mark Maron, David Cross, Pat Noswald, that group. Florida had a great comedy scene. Mitch Hedberg, Jim Brewer, Billy Gardell, Brian Regan, Dennis Regan. Todd Berry.

Todd Berry. Brian Regan. Tosh. Brian Regan. Tosh is Florida. Yeah, Florida's big. But Philly's a good, Philly's always had, like, you had Big Jay Oakson, Kurt Metzger, Kevin Hart. That was a good Philly's always had like you had Big Jay Erickson Kurt Metzger

Kevin Hart that was a good little group but your scenes yeah I mean we'll see I don't know what to say yeah

good group you got a good group of guys you're getting along because you're the top dog in Philly right now and you don't like to say that

you don't like to admit it everybody knows that you're killing it and you're always just like nah man but that's fucking the fun're killing it, and you're always just like, oh, man, oh, no, no, no. But that's fucking the fun of shame. It's like you've got to love the thing for what it is, right? Yeah.

It's like Slash used to collect poisonous animals, and one day there was an earthquake, and they all got loose in his house, and everyone was like, what the fuck? And he goes, yeah, but that's why I love them, is my house is filled with fucking poisonous animals now. That's what I like. What? Yeah, yeah.

But that's the thing. If you don't like me, right, because I am who I am, but if you like me, then you go, but that's why I love Bert. Yeah. And so there are people that may go, I don't get it. But then once you get it, then everything he does is great because you're like, oh, no, I get it. I get it. Yeah.

I mean, I feel like it's got to be awkward when you go from, not that it can take a long time. You grind it out and shit, but when it does happen, I feel like it happens. Yeah. And all of a sudden, you go from clubs to theaters and then arenas real fast, and all of a sudden, you're like it happens. Yeah. And all of a sudden you go from, you know, clubs to theaters and then arenas like real fast. And all of a sudden you're like, wait a minute, I'm doing the same type of material and same act and now I'm making it hundreds of thousands. Yeah.

I gotta get, I gotta get better at like when there's like a team of people now, like when I show up to a venue and there's like, here's the promoters, there's like six people, there's like a catering person. Like, what do you need? I got, I'm just like, just Bud Light. Yeah. I like that. That's all. We do that. What's on your rider? there's like a catering person like what do you need i got i'm just like just bud light yeah i like that i like that that's all we do like what's on your rider i'm like uh yeah just yeah bud light and water i don't know we're fucking good man it but i i mean i think the

longer you can stay that way i think the better though yeah it's gonna be i mean it's hard once you start to make real money right things are Yeah. Things are going to change. But people use the shit out of it. You know, the Air Force One stories you've all heard. Actually, I'll defend him on that. Wait, what was this? I don't want to say his name. I don't want to say his name. But there was a comic who, in his rider, he had to have Air Force Ones for every show.

Provided by the club? Brand new. Brand new. And it makes sense. Get the fuck out of here. By the way, and this sounds crazy, I always thought that was insane. Until you start realizing

you're making, you're also making a lot of people money, what would make your life a little easier? And I would be like, traveling without shoes would be very fucking nice.

Yeah. That's true. That's true. If you're fucking a pain in the ass and if I want to wear fresh ones brand new every show, I could definitely go buy them or I could just say,

put it in my rider. It's coming off the top. Yeah, right. The club isn't paying for it. Good point. Somebody I could definitely go buy them, or I could just put it in my rider. It's coming off the top. The club isn't paying for it. Somebody's got to go buy you a size 11 fucking Air Force Ones and have them on site. It's not coming out of a waiter's pocket. It's coming out of his money.

I would like in my rider, but it would be too difficult for them to find, but a brand new James Purse shirt for every show they're 70 dollars they're expensive 80 shirts why are you getting a shirt i love it because i want to take it off and throw it into the audience but i want to have a shirt at the end of the night so like it would be nice to have a shirt that i could throw into the audience and then go i also have a shirt to go home with got it got it but then i'm all of a sudden i'm'm literally buying, I'm like traveling with like 20 fucking shirts and coming home with two.

Right. I mean, that's the life of taking off your shirt like an idiot. Yeah. I've just been putting like toiletries and shit on my rider. Because now I don't have to buy toothpaste. I don't have to buy deodorant. Damn, that's a good idea. That is a good one.

I just put it in my bag. That is great, actually. I always fucking forget toothpaste. Every time. It's disgusting. Deodorant and toothpaste. Every time. I'm like, the two things I absolutely need, I fucking forget toothpaste every time deodorant and toothpaste every time I'm like the two things I absolutely need

I fucking forget every time Rogaine Rogaine Rogaine Rogaine Rogaine Rogaine that's a good one

Rogaine but it's not I don't need it every day but what was happening is they were buying it every show and then I had like 270 bottles of Rogaine

and I was like I'm never I won't be long this long yeah I won't be long this long. Yeah, riders are interesting. You know, the old one, I think this has played out. But Van Halen had green M&M's. Oh, I've heard that as Mariah Carey. I think that's a little bit of an urban legend.

Everybody had it. I heard Mariah Carey. I don't know if it was no green. I thought it was. Maybe one specific color. Or maybe a Skittles too. Whatever. I heard Nick Cannon Carey. I don't know if it was no green. I thought it was, but maybe one specific color. Or maybe a Skittles, too. Whatever. I heard Nick Cannon just request diapers.

Dude, he's wild. Who's got more, Nick Cannon or Elon? He did answer the internet once, and we're not so sure that he can read. I have to take over reading the cards. There's a lot of people that can't read. Floyd Mayweather. I think you'd be shocked how many people can't read. People not being able to read is so fucking funny. Driving down the street looking at road signs like,

maybe. Is that one way? Could be. You should hang out with my daughter, Isla. My daughter, Isla, is dyslexic, and she really has a hard time reading. She can get the idea there, but sometimes she'll fuck it up.

The other day she came in and she goes, can you believe they're outlawing adoption in Mississippi? And I looked at it and I go, that says abortion, I love it. And then she looks at me and goes, oh, so they want orphans. Okay. The exact opposite. I met a guy who couldn't count. That was crazy.

What? Yeah, I never learned how to count. To like Eddie? He'd be like, one, two, five? That's crazy. Who's that? How many of you are worth it? And he's like, 20?

No, no, no, no, no. That's hard. I just made that up. Someone we work with was trying to explain their idiocy. And they were like, I have dyslexia, but it's for numbers. Rudy says he's dyslexic. And it's like, well, that's just called being dumb's for numbers. Rudy says he's dyslexic. And it's like, well,

that's just called being dumb. There's a word for that. Dyscalculia. That's what he was saying. But I was like, no, that's made up. You're just fucking stupid.

Oh shit. My mom told me I had that. What could that, what could that, what does that mean? But if you tell me like, if you tell me like, so when I get my numbers

at the end of a show, I get my settlement. I like to add up the weekend and find out how much I made at the end of the weekend. And so I'll go and put like, this is, I'm going to stop telling this story. Well, let me ask you this. Well, tell it one more time. No, no. I just realized in telling the story, it's coming out as a brag.

Yeah, no fucking kidding. I was about to be like, so, you know, a couple coming out as a brag. Yeah. No, I'm kidding. I don't remember so many numbers. As I'm doing this, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I got, it's like 9,

1, 3, 0, 7, 4, 9, 1, 3,

0, 7, 4, 9, 1, 3, and you go, do you make $900,000 on this show?

So, but in the middle of telling that story, I was like, this is nothing, bro. This show is sponsored by better help. When you're at your best, you can do great things.

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but they're all part of a complete life. Therapy keeps you in line. We're all about it. If you're thinking of giving therapy a try, BetterHelp is a great option. It's convenient, flexible, affordable, and it's entirely online. I think I've always said my issue with therapy is always sitting in the office, in the waiting room, and I'm always, because the stigma's not completely gone

with everybody, no matter how bad we want it to be, and I'll be like, what's wrong with that guy? What's he doing here? And that's a good thing. Everyone there, most of us are just pretty normal, doing maintenance days. Fill out a brief questionnaire to get a master's or a licensed therapist, and switch therapists anytime with no additional charge. Do you guys have managers?

Like, how does that work? I mean... We have bosses. Yeah, like we... That's good. We're in a weird spot. Yeah. Because we like...

Barstool has people that do manager work, but... Are they taking 10%? You know? No, that's like they get a salary and then so they just do that. Yeah. But like we have been around long enough and we're starting to do our own thing a little bit, kind of doing our own tour. But I don't know.

I feel like a lot of those professions are not necessary anymore. I know. They're starting to kind of go away. People are just getting an assistant. Yeah, I'm sure it's like logistical shit that you don't want to take care of, but you could if you wanted to. Yeah, but assistants are incompetent. Oh, really?

Yeah, they're fucking useless. No, what's happening is it's the Segura model. It's the Ali Wong model. What they do is start a production company. Yeah. They start a production company, and then they do what they want, and then they have that person that they hire. You've got to find the really right people to be an assistant.

I feel like that would be for me to trust somebody with everything, the numbers, the family. It would be like a relationship. It's like, I don't trust you. So it's not even, this isn't going to work for me because I'm not going to trust you. Yeah, they read the DMs. What would you do if you had an assistant

and you said, hey, if I cheated on my wife, you'd keep it between us, right? And he went, nope, I'd tell her immediately. You'd fire him, right? Yeah. Yeah, probably. Of course. He goes, and then Leanne just leans in.

She goes, he knows where his bread's buttered. Fucking bread. I said it in front of Leanne. I go, Pete, if I cheated on Leanne, would you keep it between me and you? Oh, it was in front of her? Yeah. You got to say yes, of course. I'm going to you If I cheated on Leanne Would you keep her Between me and you I was in front of her Yeah you gotta say yes Of course

I'm gonna imagine In real life he did Did you mean it Yeah You fucking You bitch dude Dude If your assistant did that

You could kill them I think you'd be allowed To murder them on the spot Yeah No jury would convict Come on Pete's pretty fucking legit You hung out with. Pete's pretty fucking legit. You hung out with him. He's pretty fucking

legit. That's what I mean. If you find a guy like him, it's awesome. Trying to go through that, though. One in a million. How many did you have before Pete? How many assistants? A couple. My cousin Andrew was the most hilarious assistant in the world.

I didn't want to bring it up. I wish he was here for the Super Bowl. He likes the birds. Yeah, he's fun. He's funny as shit. What happened? He's fun as fuck. He just...

He's got to be a loser like Pete, and there you go. He was a fucking... And he was, like, great. There's a generation of dudes who I'm not i'm older than them but they're the guys who really get memes and really get like like uh like uh harambe and uh like fucking jeffrey epstein like that generation of dudes where that's their joke right and andrew's that generation is shane's that generation. And they're the same generation, but he was the,

what was the one with the guy who was running? Oh, dude. George Floyd. We said it the entire time. Automatic. Oh, yeah. Automatic.

Yeah. It was the Supreme Court guy they said raped that girl. Yeah. John something. John Ferry or something. What's his name? Brett Kavanaugh.

I was really off. He was the best. Close. John something. John Ferry or something. What's his name? Brett Kavanaugh. Really off. I was really off. He's the best. Close. He's the best. We watched it the whole tour. Andrew said it the entire time. Automatic.

It's so good. That's where Andrew's skill set laid in like bringing that to you or telling you like he's really good at like jokes and like what was off and what was maybe not so politically correct anymore. He'd be like, no one says that word for 20 years. They're called travelers now. Oriental is out. And he was great at movie night.

He'd go, who wants to watch Apocalypto? And everyone was like, fuck yeah, we'll watch Apocalypto. Dude, he was the fucking best. That's an important person. It was. But not the best at getting you to an appointment A good hang Talk about

This is a perfect Andrew story I hope he's not mad that I'm telling this We were in Serbia we take the whole cast And crew to this bar And it's Fucking bottle service It's fucking expensive the bill comes back I don't even know it's like $7,000

And my director Peter Atencio was going to pick up the bill model service. It's fucking expensive. The bill comes back. I don't even know. It's like $7,000. And my director, Peter Atencio, was going to pick up the bill because I'd already taken the crew out to eat. I'd done a lot of big things. And Andrew just steps up and is like, I got the bill. And we're like, fucking big dog. And he goes, eh, give it to me. And fucking signs it. $2,000 tip.

Dunzo's next morning. He goes, uh, I was a fun fucking night. I said, yeah, it was. And he goes, I appreciate you picking that up. I said, you picked it up. He goes, well, I've got it for you. Like I just did that. Andrew, you don't get to fucking be the guy that writes the thing.

And then I thought you paid for it. He goes, I'm going to fucking $7, that writes the thing. I thought you paid for it. He goes, fucking $7,000 to spend on beers? The fucking legendary. Someone else might have paid for it. Now Andrew works for Portnoy. Andrew would be a great barstool guy, but he does

his own thing. He likes his own. Do you guys have assistants and shit? No. Are you going to go down that road? Eventually. Hopefully, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hopefully, if things go well.

I feel like you're going to have, you'll pick like just a great dude. We'll be late for everything. Sorry, we're watching Apocalypto. Yeah. Yeah, that reminds me

of when we were watching those movies, just Dave. Oh, yeah. It was so fucking funny. What was it? Manzy. Yeah, Apocalypto. it? Manzy and Apocalypto. Yeah, Manzy and Apocalypto. Manzy and Dave came.

We were so pumped to watch the rest of this movie. Oh, my God. We watched the first half before the show, and then we were like, oh, I can't wait. And then after the show, we're like, nice. We get to watch the second half of this movie, the three of us. It'll be nice. And then, yeah, Dave and Manzy got on the bus and they were just they fucked that movie up dude they didn't shut up fucking once dave said at the very end of apocalypto you know

when the ships are on the you know i mean at the end of apocalypto the fucking spanish are arriving and dave just goes pirates full serious dude just discovered the. Full series. Discovered the minds. Manzy, we start the movie. Manzy and the subtitles are on. Manzy goes, turn off the subtitles. And we're like, what? He goes, turn off the subtitles. We're not supposed to read it.

This is an art piece. Oh, God. And then Shane goes, Manz, are you fluent in ancient Aztec? He goes, we're not supposed to read it. And then we get to the part where he goes, my name is Blackpaw. I have hunted these forests for years. My father hunted this forest. My father's father's hunted this forest.

This is my forest. And I go, Manzy, were we supposed to just guess that speech is what it was saying? Yeah. Those bus hangs are great. Good movie on there. You do describe the bus as like we did, we had a Barstool bus. But you didn't have the bus.

You just drove around a pickup truck, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the Blackout Tour, we just had a pickup truck. But then we ended up getting an RV. Do you think the Blackout Tour would have been better if it was an RV? Probably, I guess. I mean, the truck didn't really bother us. But, like, I mean, we were, like, fucking 20 years old. Yeah, it was like anything didn't really bother us we were like fucking 20 years old

it was like anything didn't matter the truck was fine we destroyed our RV though we were just a bunch of animals we treated it like trash so then being on the bus it smelled bad it didn't have this it didn't have that I'll never forget Hank

when he was emptying out the shit. Yeah. Cuking on the ground while emptying out the raw sewage. On that bus, we were in Tallahassee one time. We were parked outside Potbelly's. Some kid had, like, definitely done a bunch of coke. He had not done it on the bus, but he was just, like, he started having a heart attack, like, on the bus.

What? And Barstool was such a young company where I was, like, and, like, I think I was, like, the senior person on staff. I was, like, get like on the bus. What? And Barstool was such a young company where I was like, and I think I was like the senior person on staff. I was like, get him off the bus. Yeah. He can die on a fucking sidewalk.

You can't die in here. You can't die on here. You're not dying in this. Drive him off in fucking 911. We kept him on until the ambulance came and then we went for a walk. You know what Hamlin? Pot Belly's first place I had to stand up.

Really? That's the first place I ever had to stand up. At a Pot Belly's? Yeah, at that Pot Belly's. It's not even a restaurant. It's a bar. Oh, ever did stand-up. Really? That's the first place I ever did stand-up. At a Potbelly's? Yeah, at that Potbelly's. It's not even a restaurant. It's a bar. Oh, okay. Wait a second.

It's the name of his next album. Potbelly's. That's not bad. That's not bad. The Blackout Tour would have been... Burr would have loved the Blackout Tour. Did you know about that? Were you like...

No. Blackout Tour was just... When EDM and techno was the scene, we jumped on that early. Our first ever Blackout Tour was just, when EDM and techno was the scene, we jumped on that early. Like our first ever Blackout Tour was featuring Avicii. Wow. He was doing it for free. He was just like, yeah, we'll do it.

And now, and then like as it grew bigger. Did you take a pill to show him you were cool? It was like every. I talked once, Boom, got one. Every frat we went to, and then it graduated to like, I guess like theaters, right? Like Irving Plaza type places.

Yeah. And then they did like the Duncan Center or whatever. No, DCU Center. DCU Center. But yeah, I mean, it was just, these guys were all like between 20 and 25, traveling from state to state, frat to frat, bar to bar, playing techno music. That must have been crazy.

Doing drugs. I drank every day for three days. I mean, the kids were like, you know, the kids showing up were. I'd piss on that. I went to like one of them. I couldn't hang. You were doing hay, Austin. We'd say a prayer before every show

We had no insurance or anything We'd say a prayer that someone wouldn't buy in the crowd that night There was one kid getting blasted With the phone machine that one time Yeah yeah yeah One guy got hit in the eye We had those giant bottles of champagne Popped the champagne

Cork hit him in the eye It was madness He also was like giant bottles of champagne, right? Yep. He popped the champagne, corked him in the eye, sued us. It was madness, dude. Wow. He also, he was like, like, shut up. Oh, dude. If you're ever bored on YouTube,

put in like Barstool Blackout Tour. Put in like Delaware was the foam show, the first foam one. Jesus. It is fucking absolute chaos. They all dressed up in mascot outfits and shit.

Darth Vader, all these movie costumes. Fidelberg was dressed up in mascot outfits and shit. Darth Vader, all these movie costumes. Fido Berg was dressed up in a giant frog. There's a compilation of Fido Berg. Dude, it's my favorite thing ever. I would, Gaz, Paul, one of the sales guys here, I don't know what the fuck he does anymore. We called him sales guy at the time.

And he would encourage me for the video. He'd get me hyped up. He'd get a couple drinks in me. Dude, you know what? When the beat drops, you got to make sure you crowd surf. Stage dive. And I, at the time, probably 6'1", 220.

And everyone in the front row was just 17-year-old girls on Molly. I would take it out like a fucking plane crashing in the forest. Dude, I jumped molly i would take it out like a fucking plane crash in the forest i jumped i jumped every fucking night i think i got caught three times total like the smoke machines go like like that and he jumps and the smoke hits and then as it disappears he's just on the ground. It's so awesome. But yeah, that was like, man, I wish I, by that point I was like a little bit older.

Like I was like getting, I was like almost engaged. It was like, if, if, if, I don't know how you guys did it, man. I don't know how you're still standing this day. That was the thing. I remember they, everyone was like, that must be awesome. And they were like, get me the fuck out of this life. It was the weirdest thing too, because we had to,

we had, we brought all this, our own equipment. So we do it, mostly it was at bars, you know, for, there was a little run,

run where it was like a little bigger venues. It was mostly in bars. And we'd bring all our own equipment, our own like fucking trestles, or trestles, whatever you call them. And like, we'd hang all this shit up.

So if you were lucky enough to convince a girl to fuck you, at the end of the night, we had to break down. So we'd be like, can you just go sit in the corner for an hour and a half while I do manual labor? Breaking down at the end would be fucking horrendous. That'd be terrible.

While you're fucked up? Everyone's fucked up. It was crazy. It worked. It was like doing... The lights were heavy. It's not scaffolding, but whatever you call the fucking things. And it was fucked up. It was crazy at work. It was like doing, so the lights were heavy. It's not scaffolding, but whatever you call the fucking things. And like, it was like construction, obviously.

You also just guys didn't know what the fuck you were doing. It's not like you had union guys who know what they're doing. And we were 10 drinks deep and probably either Coke or Molly. Yeah. We were fucking running. The Gronkowskis were at one

just in costumes. Dude, Gronk came to a full one and he just stayed in costume the whole time. He walked out like a mascot. Dancing bear on stage, playing on Sunday, and he's fucking dancing in the blackout door. Nobody knew. It was great, man. But I think, to bring it back, if we had a nice bus that we treated nice and all that shit,

because I'd imagine, you know, you have a tram bus. This doesn't get too bad. No, doesn't it? The next one I have is, I bought one. I'm building it out. And that one's going to be, I think that's my grown-up bus. That's my grown-up bus. That's about you, grown-up.

That's my grown-up bus. What exactly does a grown-up bus mean? What, you drink wine? No, it's going to be less bunks So right now The bunks were great I do love the bunks The one thing I think is kind of fun about that

Is like you pop your head up You're like what's up dude That's the best part, it's like summer camp When everyone wakes up and they're like Someone farts and someone goes What did that asshole say? And then you see one guy's sheet moving And you're like, someone farts and someone goes, what did that asshole say? And everyone starts laughing. And then you see one guy's sheet moving and you're like, he's jerking it.

But we had Joey Diaz, you, you, Big J. It was a sleepover. It was a great. Snores and farts, dude. The back of that bus. It was Auschwitz. Yeah. That fucking bus and Joey ate mushrooms one night.

Oh, God. That's when we had to stop Was it Oh yeah Did he get off Yeah we had to stop He had to get off Ron had to He rolled up

He was like Dog I can't do it I'm fucking dying in here And Ron Ron had to drive him To a hotel And just got off the bus

He was uncomfortable With some shit Yeah I guess No you took a fucking Ounce of mushrooms Oh And ate fucking a thousand milligrams

of marijuana and then got into a fucking time capsule of a bunk and was like yeah he's huge that must have been wild yeah and was like

with his sleep apnea mask he was Chris Pratt from that fucking movie and he was like and then he woke up in the middle of the night and was like ah dog

someone mansy woke me up he goes hey Joey's not feeling good night and was like, ah, dog. Someone, Manzy, woke me up. He goes, hey, Joey's not feeling good. And I was like, wrong curtain. Talk to someone else. I'm not dealing with Joey right now. Fuck that. Last thing I want to do is a fucking angry Joey Diaz at 3 in the morning.

I'm going to panic attack because he's on fucking mushrooms. I go, tell him to go talk to Ron. They'll work it out. He's the only guy who takes mushrooms at the end of the night. Yeah. All of a sudden, you end up puking in a casino on an Asian woman. I missed her. She was fucking quick.

Light on those feet. Oh, yeah. When we were in Amsterdam, he... We hate mushrooms. Truffles. Truffles. Those stink. The truffle, yeah.

I didn't like them. They're not the dry. They're wet, you know. Yeah.les. Truffles. Those stink. The truffle, yeah. I didn't like them. They're not the dry. They're wet, you know. Yeah. And it hit John wrong. And as he was going to the bathroom, his little Asian woman was walking in front of him. And she did, like, a look over the shoulder because John was, like, starting to run. Oh.

And I saw her. She kind of did, like, a little high step. She was, like, trying to get away from it. I was behind her. I was watching you puke while trying to get away from it. I was behind her. It was amazing. I was behind her like a car leaning on the horn. I was like... Listen, lady, you better get the fuck out of the way

because something's coming down the pike right now. You puked and rallied, though. That was a good rally. I walked out thick with cash. That was a fucking great fucking day. What were you playing? I was going to put $1,000 on, because you've got to gamble on Chinese New Year's. We were celebrating Chinese New Year's.

Yeah, that was, you're such a dick. He was like, I'm going to put $1,000 on red. I was like, I'll do it with you, man. We'll just do it together. And he just didn't do it, and I did black. No, no, no, no. I put like $500 on red and then $500 on 11. So I was like, maybe one of them will hit.

And it didn't hit. And then he walked out. And then I was like, all right, well, hold on. I don't want to walk out with money. I want to get rid of the money. It's part of Asian years. Just spend the money. Gamble it away.

It's fine. It's part of getting good luck for the year. Well, good. I got a lot of that. I went in my pocket and I had a bunch of cash. I said, whatever it is, just put it on red and it hit. Damn. And I said, I said, and this is the interesting thing, as I had said to Kevin earlier,

gambling doesn't really mean anything to me anymore because I make money. So winning or losing $1,000 isn't going to break me, so I don't feel the rush anymore. Right. And I looked at him, and I was like, it's rolling. I go, I don't feel it. I don't feel it. I don't feel it. And she goes, red?

And I went, I feel it. I fucking feel it. I was lying to you guys. I was lying to you guys. I feel it don't feel it. I don't feel it. I don't feel it. She goes, red? And I went, I feel it. I fucking feel it. I was lying to you guys. I was lying to you guys. I feel it. I feel it. Hey, guys, it's my wife. She doesn't know I'm here.

Hey, what's up, babe? Oh, shut up. What are you doing? I'm doing a podcast. I'll call you later, okay? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, yeah, bye.

All right, bye. That was pretty nice. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. This would be great sorry This would be great This would be great If we could be drunk right now

Yeah I don't know why you're sober, John Getting there Huh? What are you sober for? I don't know why you're sober Good question Actually, you know what?

I got a pee I'll get a high noon Yeah Good for you You know what? I mean, I feel like everybody Woke up a little Dragging today

We're banged up No, not everyone He was going Fresh of the day I got after it but yeah but i i i wake up my my my penance or whatever the thing that i pay is all we were saying this earlier it's all internal you don't know it because i don't like showing it to people yeah so like i'll feel bad and i try and i just hide it and i just like pete will see it pete knows when it's going

through i'm going through it but like I just try to like fake it almost. Or even when I'm by myself, I just go, let's work out. Let's do something. It's kind of thoughtful. Like I mope like a fucking bitch all day. Yeah. It's kind of fucking annoying. Don't put your hangover on me, man.

Yeah, I'm kind of like, oh, great. No, that is nice. You're like, come on, guys. You're fucking up. I feel like you always get a bad hangover anxiety. I do. Oh, the worst. You always beat yourself up

It's like Dude it was a totally normal night Yeah yeah You're always like No I'm never drinking again Well I don't say that I'm pretty

Yeah I'm practical You had a couple runs at Barstool there Oh there was Yeah there was some Barstool ones That was like I'm gonna take a week off Yeah

I'm gonna put down social media To take a week off Between you and O'Connor. Well, O'Connor's fucking Eeyore, dude, every day. Yeah, he is a bummer. Every day. He's hungover, and he's like, oh, God. This is all the time.

This is it. My life's over. Shut up. And then we'll go get fucked up. And your drunk's like, ah. It's pretty fun. I feel like the comedy world's in a good spot now i feel like everybody's kind of like nobody's really doing covid jokes anymore i think everyone's kind of

settled in on like well like this will stop me from getting sunburned oh it's brutal right yeah yeah definitely okay uh you know like the you guys did the youtube thing like kind of pioneered through that and like we know that works now you know who's getting i'm good you know specials like all that shit where it's just like i feel like everything's kind of set now and now you can just do your thing and crush it yeah but you you don't want to let you put off the gas too much because you never know it'll go away yeah but maybe that's me being paranoid that's also what's it fucking social media stuff is kind of a pain in the ass with like if you start to build your social media and then they just switch the algorithm or switch the rules like well what the fuck you know so yeah youtube got all queefy now

if you have you curse in the first five minutes they they dock you brutal yeah it's why people are like bleeping out saying on our barstool like main accounts we we bleep out the words and we bleep out the son of a bitch the text thank you i'm good i'm good it'll right your boat yeah the best part about booze is it doesn't let you down it's there for you when you want it again. You can turn your back on it all you want, and it just stays there and goes, hey, man, I'm here for you. I knew you'd be back. Nipples?

Yeah, you can feel it in the nipples. Get hard. Yeah, first sip. I'm excited for my first beer of the night. You want to drink something cold? Yeah, want to get cold? Really? Yeah, me too.

Yeah. Really? I never even thought of it. Bro, if I catch a wind the wrong way, my nipples get hard. You got weird nipples. Still soft. My nipples also get hard. My nipples are hard the wrong way.

My nipples go out like that. It's bizarre. Mine aren't hard. Mine don't get hard very easily. I have perfect nipples. I love my nipples. You got nice nipples. Let me see these nipples.

Come on, man. It's my thing. Oh, never mind. They're pretty solid nipples. They're fucking horrific. They're beautiful. They're like... They're almost like island nipples.

They're good island nipples. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a cartoon island. It has like one tree on it and a dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cartoon island. They are the opposite of Glenny Ball's nipples. Those fucking wonky-eyed...

Was I talking to you about that in Amsterdam? Privately, yeah. Yeah. Well, the motherfucker's shirtless every weekend. Before he said something, he said, yeah, that guy's got breast cancer or something like that. No, I know. I know like shitting on Glenny Balls. I love that dude.

But it's clearly what side he sleeps on. Right. That's it. You know. Yeah, because that happened to me. I started noticing that was happening to me is that my left side

was getting fatter and I, and it was, and it like, noticeably, like my body was, there was more fat on my left side and I was like,

is that even fucking possible? And then I realized my right shoulder, I can't sleep on my right shoulder so I always sleep on my left side and so why would fat

just fall that way? Yeah, you're there for eight hours. Yeah, eight hours a day every day. I'm not moving, just laying there. I'm not crushing it all.

That's the thing about you. Why don't I lay on my stomach and lose some fucking weight? That's the thing about your gut. It's hard as a rock. Yeah. So Taylor was saying that to me.

He goes, I saw you in that video. Your gut doesn't move around. It's not like it's loose. No jiggle. It's hard, right? Yeah. That's the beer belly, right?

I don't know what it is. I'm kind of the same way. My gut is hard. You're a barrel. You got like a barrel chest. It's probably a barrel chest. Ball bladder stone. It's probably the cirrhosis.

Shit and blood. Yeah, but do you want to know if you have cirrhosis? Or do you just want to die Like one day you're going to die Anyway It's pretty hard to not know You fucking You turn yellow

You turn the car You're like Jondas Your eyes turn yellow My cat got Jondas Really You're good You're golden Okay good

Chocolate chip cookie Tan cookie I had a cat who died with Jondas Really Really Yeah it got out It went outside It was out for like a month

Because a dog came into our house And it just Just fucking it's not tibble no tibble's still going this was deuce mcallister deuce mcallister how old is tibble tibble he's getting up there dude he's probably like eight or nine he's a good cat longer than that yeah he's there he's locked in but well i wasn't there. And I liked Deuce. And Deuce clearly got mauled to death by an animal. Oh, no. But they didn't tell me that until, like, recently. Yeah. They said it came home, like, it was yellow because it was malnourished.

But it was, like, crawling back to get to our house. It's like an eye hanging out. Oh, my God. Yeah, they found it in the yard, like, trying to get home. Oh, my God. Did you kill it? Yeah, my to get home. Oh, my gosh. Did he kill it? Yeah, my dad killed it.

Shovel? I think he gave it a bonk. I know a guy who just came out there and was like, fuck. I love that last night, how you described Leanne. Her family disciplined dogs with shuffles. That's her family. That's a good line. Her family's an interesting family.

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I mean last night was between Christian, Shane wants to say goodbye to you. God damn it. Is that a player? Don't embarrass me in front of the cool players. He said he never got a one-on-one picture. No, I do, dude. You're the best.

I was just being coy. I mean, that green room last night between all you guys, Nate Bargatze, the Chiefs O-line. I mean, it was like. Do you think I could catch him? Huh? Christian? Like right now, if I was like, hey, man, try to get away from me. Just try to get away from me.

I'm putting my money on Christians. Yeah. Bert? Like in an open field type situation? No, just like in the same room. If I go, hey, man, you can't get out of the, hang on, don't let him leave. You can't get out of this box, right? You can't get out of this box. And you got five minutes, and you can't let me leave you can't get out of this box right you can't get out of this box

and you got five minutes and you can't let me take you to the you can't you can't let me it's not a wrestling no like we start over there and he's just got to stay away from me i actually you are sneaky athletic but that's uh that's one of the most athletic humans i've said some really stupid fucking things. Yeah, yeah. Some really stupid things. About like sports, like when you said you could beat up Stylebender. Well, hold on. I didn't say that. He's actually at Diaz recently.

Yeah, Diaz. Hold on, hold on. The Stylebender one is great even out with the drinks. Hold on, you're going to like this. Nate was supposed to come down to this, and I was texting him, and I was like, you've got to help me out and surprise Bert in the locker room before the show, just come in, just swinging on him. He would slap you. Dude, that was one of the dumbest things I've ever said.

Yeah, that was crazy. Yeah, that was actually. Was there any caveat to that one? Because sometimes I'll make a joke, and for whatever reason, I don't let on that it's a joke or I play it too serious. Like, I mean, it's about Tom the other day, but that one with Nate was dumb as fuck. So I go, do you think me and you could, because it's the same thing, right? I go, do you think me and you could beat up Nate Diaz? And he goes, no.

I said, what if he wasn't expecting it? And he was like, no. And then, I don't know, I guess I was like, well, Nate, if you ever see me and Tom, watch your fucking back. It was meant to be a joke. And then they cut it right where the laugh happens. Goddamn it, put the fucking laugh back in, Tom. But, like, it would be cool to see, like, I would like to see, like, feats of strength and ability with every man, and then these super humans. Because when you see a man, like, when we were with that, you were talking about the back room.

The O-line. I mean, those guys were comically large. I mean, this crew is hilarious. You guys are big guys. It was like a crew of bigger dudes. And then the O-line walked in, and we were all little baby peanuts. I walked out. One of the bigger guys in the room went to the bathroom, came back with like the third shortest guy in the room.

They were huge. And they're all, and you know, they're all faster than you and strong. It's not that they're just like big fat. But like Orlando Brown, you put them in a hotel room, right?

In a hotel room. And then it's the five of us. We would get mauled. No, I think five of us. Like the fucking revenant. I think we could take it. Wait,

so we're just fighting or? We have to render him unconscious. Oh, we got this. I think we got that. I think we got take it that would be so we're just fighting or or we have to render him unconscious ah we got this i think we got that i think we got that can we use uh my logic with this is uh robbie robbie uh fox who does mma for us it does a great job he's a man um he recently or at least he reposted recently, he was interviewing someone. Some badass. I don't know MMA that well. But, I don't know. Some fucking big tough guy.

And Robbie's a skinny little dude. And he was like, how many does it take, how many me's does it take to fight you in a back alley? And that MMA guy who is, I would think, a tougher fighter than Will Edelbrown, that MMA guy was like, he said probably six or seven of you.

Oh, wow. And Robbie's a skinny cat. And he's not very intimidating. The MMA guy laid out why. He's like, growing up, I was always getting jumped and shit like that because I was a tough guy. So I had strategies for how to fight more than one person. And he said after four or five, it got hard. It's just like too much.

Yeah. Yeah. Jesus. All right. I love that. I love that conversation. Like, I wanted to do a show where you put a backpack

with $100,000 in it on the back of John Jones in a ring. And you go, all right. Get as much as you can. Shane, you get to pick.

We just pick, you and like 80 of your friends, can you get that backpack off of him? That's a squid game right there. Yeah, yeah. It's a tough one. But like eight of your friends. Can you get that backpack off of them? That's a squid game right there. Yeah, yeah. But like it's simple. It's simple with Christian like there.

Could he not? He would shake you so quick. He would fall down. First of all, I'd get winded. Yeah. Also, any of these guys, if they're fighters, you take one punch or kick and you're fucking done. Oh, yeah.

And not even a knockout. We're talking you hit me like in the body. I got the will knocked down me by a tree. We were talking about it with Rogan. It was you, me, and Ari. And they were like, I think we could take him. And Joe, without it, he was like, I would fuck you guys up. He was right, dude.

And he mapped out what would happen, and it was completely right. One leg kick, it's over for all of us. That's where I made one of my larger missteps with Joe was when I started challenging him in that first Sober October, like really going after him. Yeah, he's a psycho. Because he is a fucking psycho. That dials him up. Oh, yeah. I said he did a video with him and his dog, and he was like, hey, Marshall, you know, we're out here doing two miles.

Me and Marshall, my buddy Marshall. Sober October, having a great time. I hope you guys are getting after it. And then I was like, and I didn't have my dog with me. I was just doing a hike, and I was like, what's up? I'm out here hiking, running with my dog, Priscilla. Joe, I saw your post. Bitch, you do two miles, I do four.

How do you like that? You do four, I do eight. You do five, I'll do 20. I go, isn't that right, Priscilla? And then I'm like, Priscilla? Oh, shit, I do four. How do you like that? You do four, I do eight. You do five, I'll do 20. I go, isn't that right, Priscilla? And then I'm like, Priscilla? Oh, shit, I lost my dog. It was a joke, right? Joe did not get the joke.

All he heard was, you do two, I do four. And the next day, he fucking broke his sprinkler system and his fucking gym working out. Jesus Christ. He has steam off of his body. He took a picture of it. It's hilarious. It's like the elliptical.

Wow. And then he said, he goes, when we did this last Sober October, I think it was this, or yeah, I think it was. He goes, let's not do the whole challenge thing. Let's just do something we can all do together and have fun with it.

And he goes, because I want to murder Bert. And Tom goes, yeah. He goes, I think I have visualizations of murdering Bert. Because Bert gets in my head. Because Bert, because I have this weird sneaky part of me that does sometimes win.

And Joe, that's why you couldn't take him. because he's already got everything mapped out. Yeah. Going, you will not win. I will fucking win. I will beat you. Remember the antibodies? Yeah.

We took these antibodies to his studio. Wait till I tell you what joke I thought. Look at mine. Look at mine. And yours were like up, up, neck and neck. He was like, what the fuck? You have no good antibodies? I did at the time, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. This is a year ago. We've been talking about getting our testosterone levels tested, see who has the lowest T. I don't even want to see that. My T's in the shitter. I read something that the average 20-year-old male today has the same testosterone level as a 65-year-old in 2000.

Whoa. That's not that long ago. We-year-old in 2000. Whoa. That's not that long ago. We're not talking like in 1965. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're all just like low-T pussies these days. What do you think that is? They said it was like...

Probably the protests. It's a vaccine. They did say like diet and drinking and smoking, but they're also like higher stress and just like other shit like it sucks to be...

Phone shit. It's like not as cool and fun to be a guy anymore. I'm trying to get on it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I feel like there's some, I think you also can get cancer from it or some shit though.

No, no, no, no. What would you do at the levels that like... There's some bad side effects if you do too much tea or something. Oh, no, yeah. If you're doing windstraw and you're like stacking them. I've done that. You got it from Russia. Really?

Whoa. I got it mailed to the old Barstool office in Milton I got it mailed there Because I was scared If like Like the police Would deliver it to my house So I got it mailed to work

So I could blame it On someone else It's like What does it do? Huh? Did it work? It did to Superman Bro

Bro Bro Bro You have to try Winstroll Oh really? Dude It is Fucking

Crazy Superhuman? Dude, I fucking, I took it, and like I took it, and I can't believe I've had my body checked since, and I did not do any permanent damage to anything. I can't believe I didn't, because I didn't stop drinking or anything. I was still going out, but like taking

fucking Russian wind stroll on the side. And I suck at pull-ups. I never know how to do pull-ups and like day two in the gym i was just busting out like 14 wow that's crazy i was like i am made of stone awesome i can't recommend one so highly enough i got my full blood panel done and i sent it down to the guy that to the company down in Austin that does all the, I've gotten, what's the fucking, stem cells? Yeah, I've done stem cells with them.

And I sent it to them, they're like, your testosterone is super low. They put you on a cocktail, not to like send it through the roof, but just get it to normal levels. And secret time, my cardiologist suggested I get on testosterone because he said it'll help repair any damage you've ever done to your liver. Really? Yup. Big. There's a little cheat code. Little cheat code. Then you start drinking again.

And then I was like, well, what if I do too much? He goes, well, then it damages it, but don't do too much. Don't do too much. He goes, you need to check your levels and follow. He's like, I think it'll be good for you. Did you feel a difference?

I haven't done it yet. I haven't done it yet. I did my thing when I went to Europe and then I'm waiting to talk to my guy, Brigham. Shout out to Brigham.

Yeah, I feel like we should all be on HGH, testosterone, whatever, fuck it. The natural shit. I'm not saying,

I don't want to do an you know, anabolic steroids. I'm not doing primobolin. You should. Let's just do a little HGH. Did you have to inject? Huh? No, no, no. I had a pill.

Oh, it's a pill. Okay. If a boy comes in a Russian cock, he's got to blow loads in your ass. It's Windstraw, man. It'll make you feel good. Let me hit you guys with two hypotheticals, and we'll get out of here before we die in the sun. One, you have to score a bucket on a fifth grader. You get a million dollars.

What race? Eighth grader, you get five million dollars. Varsity high school player, you get ten. I'm done. D1 player, you get 10. I'm done. D1 player, you get like 50. NBA player, you get like 500 million.

And then a prime Kobe, you got $600 million. You just got to score a basket. You can just pull up for a jumper. That's what I was thinking. You could just get lucky and fucking check it up, throw a Hail Mary,

maybe it goes in. But you could just back down to five. Fifth up, throw a Hail Mary. Maybe it goes in. But you could just. I could back down a fucking eighth grader. Fifth grader you're out? Eighth. Oh, I was going to say, yeah. I could bully an eighth grader. I think so, too.

I think you could back down. I could back down most high schools. Like a varsity player, you probably. I don't know. Where are we? Like good? That's the thing. Are they good?

What race? Where are they playing? Right. Like, are they like a, you know, 170-pound junior who's made varsity? Or are they like, I'm going. I'm going. But that's, you know, that's the rough. Transcode Mafia.

That's the rough. Or the Bill and Clee Bowl. Yeah. Let's go. So you're going eighth grader? Yeah. For five? Yeah.

Who are you going? Fifth grader. Yeah, because I want to make sure I get my money. Yeah, yeah. It's a no-brainer, fifth grader. because I want to make sure I get my money Yeah yeah It's a no brainer Fifth grader I suck at basketball So it makes it easier

But I do suck at basketball If I had money Like you guys though I'd be like Let's try fucking Do you lose anything? No Oh alright

Then let it rip you know But it's more the opportunity Like oh man I could have had a million dollars Right By putting a layup On this fucking ten year old Oh I'm not

No I'm shooting a jumper And I know for at a certain level At I put a layup on this fucking 10-year-old. Oh, I'm shooting a jumper, and I know for at a certain level at D1, they are going to D me up, and I'm going to not get my jumper off. Right. And so I'm not, you know, I don't even have a shot at those guys.

Yeah, they'll close out. Did you play, like, you can pick up a lot of sports. I don't think I've ever seen you play basketball. Yeah, I was playing with Tom the Day, broke his knee. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. I was doing a thing called Just fucking around, because I'm a comedian. Tom, tell you what had happened.

I don't want to get too into the weeds on this, but what had happened is I had beaten Tom so handily in anything we'd ever done that this was the first time he was starting to excel. And he wanted to really put... Because he had won the dunk contest. Oh, yeah. Did he wanted to really put, so we had played tennis. Because he had won the dunk contest. Oh, yeah.

We played, well, did he? Did he? We played tennis, and I beat him so bad in front of his children. I remember. You could hear him talking on the podcast about that. You could hear it in his voice that he was like, oh, fuck. Like, that killed him. It started with those, I'm going to take tennis lessons. I said, I'll destroy you. hear it in his voice that he was like oh like that killed him he's how badly he goes i i've

been taking tennis lessons i said i'll destroy you and he goes you've never seen me play i said i don't need to and he goes you don't know if i'm good and i said i know i don't i know how good i am i will destroy you and he goes then let's play i said let's fucking play so we get out and he's feeling confident and he's doing an interview you can see this feeling confident, and he's doing an interview. You can see this is the best part. He's doing an interview with the camera, and behind, I'm serving to his tennis coach, and I let one go. And his tennis coach comes up to him, and he goes, your boy's got a D1 serve. He's like, what? And he goes, we miscalculated this. It's going to be rough.

And I aced him 27 times. I mean, that is so demoralizing. So much that it was so demoralizing. And his children were there. His wife was there. They were cheering for him. Come on, Daddy is so demoralizing. So much that he, it was so demoralizing and his children were there, his wife was there. They were cheering for him. Come on, daddy.

No. You can do this. At that point, you got to go home. Christina's got to know, get the kid, let's go. Did you ever see me

and Matt versus Big Jay and Lewis in basketball? I've heard stories about this. Classic. It's the exact same thing. Yeah. You dialed in those guys.

We were just on the podcast talking shit and they were showing their highlights because they played each other one same thing. Yeah. You die with me, those guys. We were just on the podcast talking shit, and they were showing their highlights because they played each other one-on-one. Yeah. They can't play basketball. We suck, but they literally can't play. Jay's not bad, but they can't play.

And we were like, you guys can't play. They're like, we'll beat you. It's like, what? We'll kill you. You can't. And then we played, and we beat them 12-0. It was crazy. They were like, are you going to fight each other?

You got to guard him, man. What are you going to do? The whole thing fell apart. I feel like Matt was. We were like mad blood. It was like we didn't like each other for like a month. It was tense. Oh. Yeah.

Well, with all that built into Tom's brain, when we go to play basketball, he says to me, the first thing he says is, literally as we step on the court, he goes, you know the average male over 40, if he plays basketball, blows out his knee? And I went, for real? And he goes, that's the number one way men our age get hurt. And I heard that, and I went, and this is just from doing so much television. I go, 50% looks like 75%.

75% looks like 100 i'm just gonna fuck around out here i'm not gonna myself yeah i'm not gonna go up for anything i'm not gonna fucking try to fucking do anything nice but tom was actually pretty good at basketball and he goes up to do a dunk and we both dunk then he goes with another we're both dunk then he goes up another dunk and i can't get it and he gets it and it is that is the second that you hear ving rames say that sting you feel that's your ego kicking your ass yeah ignore it because tom felt that thing he was like time to put a start on him next you know i got a fucking weight belt around him and I'm carrying him out of a fucking car

into a fucking van. Jesus. It was. I can't watch that snap. It's so brutal. The noise. Oh, God. It was,

dude, it was so fucking tough. That whole period was like, but man, God bless him. He, you know, obviously I'll shit on Tom all day, but like,

that was a moment in his life where he was like, I am going to change my life. I will never let that happen again. Damn, he's fucking jacked now. Oh, shit. That's why he did it? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's hilarious. Yeah. He broke his arm and he was like, all right, I'm done. It's time to get jacked. Yeah. Last one was if you had a terminal disease, how few years left would you need for it to affect your everyday life? Where you would wake up in the morning and be like,

I've only got blah, blah, blah years or months or whatever left, so I'm going to go do my bucket list and travel and whatever. Interesting. It's funny. I said one time to Leanne, if I got a terminal disease, or I said to Dr. Drew, maybe I said, if I got a terminal disease, I'd probably want to have sex

with like all the chicks, like a bunch of porn stars, all the chicks I never had sex with. And then Dr. Drew's like, yeah, but you will die. Why don't you just do that anyway? And I went, because I love my wife. And he goes, then the answer is, you love your wife. Don't fucking do that. Wouldn't you want to be with her? And I was like, shut up, Dr. Drew. I'm shut up dr drew fucking metal on this fucking gay ball leave me alone

that's a great question how many years before i don't really get it if someone tells you have 10 years to live tomorrow you're just doing your regular life you know yeah see i don't know about that really you start 10 yeah dude mine's like one if you told me i had two years left i'd talk about it but i wouldn't really change it yeah if I don't know about that. Really? You'd start 10? Yeah. Dude, mine's like one. If you told me I had two years left, I'd talk about it, but I wouldn't really change it. Yeah. If I have two years left, I'm still going to work every day. Yeah.

True. I don't have enough money not to. Like, maybe if I'm in a different position, I would fucking quit my job. I also feel like you would do things differently for like a week, and then it'd be like, I got like, you know, 80 more weeks to go.'m just gonna like yeah play video games again beauty is you get that sympathy though everybody knows you're dying you really you know you get merch oh man you know you really let everybody know definitely going on i can't tell him if i got five years i'm on tour four of them exactly tour hard this guy would die. When I was 22 years old, I got involved with the Rockies the last time he lived. You're emaciated.

Yeah. Take my shirt off and you're. That's actually pretty sad. Totally. Cancer Bert. Jesus Christ. All right, we'll end it on that note. Yeah.

I appreciate you guys. No, no, no. We got one. If you could punch one Instagram model in the stump. No. We'll end it on that. Yeah. I appreciate you guys. we got one. If you could punch one Instagram model in the stump, no kidding. Shane and I did a podcast one time where we got so fucked up

at the end. We were saying stuff going like, we got to edit all this out. Like three hours. It was terrible. Release it, man. Release the lost tapes.

All right, boys. Thanks. You're all on tour. Everybody knows you're famous. Everybody knows where to get your tickets. Nice. it, man. Release the lost tapes. All right, boys. Thanks. You're all on tour. Everybody knows you. You're famous. Everybody knows where to get your tickets. Nice. Thanks, guys.

I love you guys. Comedy. Love you. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.