KFC Radio - Bert Ranks the Most Entertaining Comics to Travel With - Interview + Episode

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey KFC radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC radio on Apple podcast, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. You can tell someone's funny when they're just funny. And Shane wasn't even that great on stage yet, I don't think. But he was in the green room. He's a funny person. He is just funny. He's just funny.

Starting point is 00:00:19 And he was in the green room. We were in Philly. We were doing a Calling Sick to Work show. And he's just like, hey, so, I heard we're drinking today? It was like 10 in the morning. I go, yeah, let's do fireball shots. He's like, oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:00:34 So he's telling me a story and he brings the mentions to his girlfriend. Her name's like Big Tuna. And I said, what? And he goes, it's her nickname. And I went, no, I know that. I know that. ["Sweet Home Alone"] You know, it's crazy, I've never had a special trend over six.

Starting point is 00:00:58 Really? And they've all gone really well. I'm surprised by that. I've never had one get over a six, and this one has been like, was it two for half a week? Yeah. It's been a three stand there. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:01:11 So it's, they texted me the day it came out and Netflix said they're like, huge special. I was like, really? Dude, that, are we rolling? Are we good? Yo, that is so encouraging to hear because I was thinking it we were talking that This is your sixth Netflix, right my sixth special Netflix, but you had your your um The Burt Kreischer collection below it had six things in it. So it's the machine

Starting point is 00:01:40 Yeah, but either way Was in there so maybe yeah, yeah, I don't know. But either way, my point being that like... The cabin was in there, so maybe it's five. The cabin's in there, yeah. The movie's in there. Oh, okay, yes. But the fact that you have that many specials and like, you're still growing, like that this did the best, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:01:55 I would almost think that if I was at your level, part of my thought would be like, I've peaked and like, I plateaued and there's no way I can keep going up. It's like, no, you can keep going, man. No, That's exactly what I was thinking all this whole last nine months, right? I was I was actually I've actually been terrified for this special to come out because Because I was like I you just don't do stand-up enough you when you stop doing stand-up I've taken nine months off when you stop doing stand-up. You just start going I suck. Yeah, I saw this is no good

Starting point is 00:02:23 No one's gonna like it. Right. Everyone's gonna hate this dog story. I should've never put it in, I should've entered on a joke. What the fuck am I doing trying to be, I wanted, I have to give credit to like, Bill Burr was the first person I ever noticed that every special he did something different than he had done before. He seemed like he was challenging himself,

Starting point is 00:02:40 whether it was one special he did this really brilliant act out and I remember talking to him about it and he was like, yeah, you gotta keep trying new stuff. Yeah, and it is true It's when you get stagnant in comedy as you start you just become this I do the one thing I did this Yeah, and does that yeah? and so I Challenged myself when I told the machine the first time is a 12 minute story and I was like, wow, man I've grown and then on on secret time. I found found this, I learned how to make a special for Netflix.

Starting point is 00:03:08 And on this one, I was like, I wanna try to do this thing where you get people to cry and laugh at the same time. And it was crazy because we were, it was happening on the road, and it was like dudes coming up and they're like, dude, you have me fucking bawling my eyes out, man. He's like, what the fuck, man? And I'm crying laughing and god damn it man like fuck you better put that in special but I was like I was like I don't know I thought

Starting point is 00:03:31 I was gonna get mocked you know yeah well yeah that really surprised me you just Bert just told us that in the hallway but I did not like watching it live I was I didn't cry I'm not much of a crier. But... By the way, I'm taking my shoes off. I hope you don't mind. I'm so uncomfortable. I'm this close to saying open one of those bottles of whiskey. I instinctively just took... Oh, I gotta drink for you by the way. We'll do it in a little bit. But like watching it, I was like, I thought it was great and awesome, but I like never did I think like,

Starting point is 00:03:58 Oh, people might mock him for this or something like that. I get mocked for everything online. I mean, my whole life, I live my life out loud, and you just gotta realize, if you're going to be who I am, where I've posted pictures of my semi-hard dick in a Speedo, I've posted pictures of both my girls crying when I dropped them off at college, both of them, if you're going to do that, you can't be a bitch about it and be like, oh, they don't like it, they're gonna make fun of it.

Starting point is 00:04:23 Even like, Legion of Skanks mocked me for the dick picture. They were just, but you go, dude, that's what you are. You're a comedian, everything's a fucking joke. If they're gonna, if people are gonna make fun of you, let them make fun of you, that's them making fun of you. You would do it if you were them. And so, but. Yeah, once you realize, and some people are not,

Starting point is 00:04:40 some people are just assholes, but most people are just like busting your balls, talking shit, and the same way you do it to other other people once you kind of like can look through that lens It's like none of this really matters And I mean on this I get a ton of hate too and like you just if you let that stop you What the fuck are you doing? We were just saying the other day you like bro you have Dominated life you've absolutely

Starting point is 00:05:03 Own life right like your family's happy the money the you're always like partying dominated life. You've absolutely, you own life, right? Like your family's happy, the money, you're always like partying, you're the life of the party. Like your wife's great, you've crushed it. And if there's gonna be some people who talk shit online, I mean, fine, bro, that's the one drawback. You're coming out way ahead. Georgia is leaving, studying abroad.

Starting point is 00:05:22 She's been studying abroad for 90 days. And she watched a special and texted me, and she goes, Dad, this is amazing. She's like, I'm so proud of you. And they hate you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was like, I had to skip through the sex with mom. I was gonna say, did she like all of it?

Starting point is 00:05:38 Because the first 10, I was thinking, boy, when you're going, what, what, what? It was like, George and I must be like, ah! I can't believe you had any fear about the special after the opening, opening three seconds, five seconds, whatever time it was, when you throw the shirt and it lands right on the mic stand, I was like, that's the most Burt Kreischer thing

Starting point is 00:05:57 in the world, like it perfectly landed on the mic stand. I can't believe he wasn't just confident because you were fucking shredded up. I can see that you put a few back on. Put a few back on. But man. He was like, what if he gets too skinny? That's not a problem.

Starting point is 00:06:09 Guys, I got these things. These things take care of it. I just need bread. You know what I was thinking while, I forget what story you were telling, but it actually kind of a nice moment where it was zoomed in close on you and the background of the special looks very Taylor Swift. It looked very like Lover. Like the Lover album is kind of like that pink

Starting point is 00:06:33 with the blue kind of deal. And then I saw the watch and I don't even know, I'm not a watch guy, I don't know what kind of watch it is, but my thought was I bet the first time the machine story was told, he wasn't thinking, I'm gonna be telling this with a Rolex on one day. No, I did not have that watch then, but my dad gave me that for my 40th birthday.

Starting point is 00:06:53 Oh, okay. Yeah, so that watch is not, oddly enough, not my favorite watch, but my dad gave it to me, and Joe Coy, at one time, texted me, and when I did Secret Time, and he was like, subtle flex, I love the watch. And I never even acknowledged, at one time, texted me and when I did Secret Time and he was like, subtle flex, I love the watch. And I was like, and I never even, I never knew, I never knew you could get hate from people that saw a watch on you. Oh watch people get big time like, oh yeah, this brand versus that brand or this

Starting point is 00:07:20 model versus that model and all that shit. Or even like people going, dude, fuck that guy, he has a Rolex. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't need to watch him, so I'll keep my wrist real low today. Because the one I have on is fucking- Fucking full-ass shit, bro. Sick. Hell yeah. Are you fucking, hey, suck my dick, take a look at this.

Starting point is 00:07:39 I just got myself robbed. I can't wear this ever again. We'll find you right on time in the office. Dude, how about secret time for this? I hope I'm not talking out of school, but I was just with Burt in Austin. He told me a few things. First thing, and it's actually very funny to see now

Starting point is 00:07:50 that the special came out and you know it's a hit. Because this motherfucker told me, leading up to the special, he said, this is my last one, I'm done. Really? Or maybe you said one more. I said, I said, I owe one more to Netflix. He said, one more and one more tour and I'm done.

Starting point is 00:08:03 I said, you you know fucking chance That's the case and then also he was flying to Palm Springs to go roll like shopping goes I'm only gonna buy one more You're doing all these things many more times. I'm gonna amend all of this I Had intended to do one more tour one more special and be done And then I did stand up this weekend in Vegas and I did two hours on Saturday night and I'm like, I'm not even fucking close. You're not even close.

Starting point is 00:08:28 You guys wrote, I have one of the best stories that made me laugh so hard and murdered about Leanne take, Leanne, it's so embarrassing. So you know we're empty nesters. I'm not gonna do the whole bit but I'll tell you the premise. Leanne recently, her and her friends, took a stripping class.

Starting point is 00:08:51 And so she came, I didn't know about it, and she gave me an unrequested lap dance, and this woman has never been to a strip club. She does not, man. I was like seeing your sister naked. I was like, what are you doing? What, stop, you're fucking this up. I won't be able to unsee this

Starting point is 00:09:10 every time I get a real lap dance. And I just casually told it to Catherine Blanford and them backstage. And then I was like, I thought it might be a bit. And so I did it as a bit, and as soon as I did it, I was like, okay, like this is gonna, and then I have the it, I was like, okay, like this is gonna, and then I, I have the greatest, I mean, I have so much new great new material,

Starting point is 00:09:30 I'm like so excited. I have a great joke about Shaq's dick. I got so many great fucking jokes, I'm like, okay, I'm on, I'm on. Yeah, dude, especially. Permission to Party World Tour starts September 18th, and I'm going hard in the fucking paint. I'm gonna cancel a movie to do this

Starting point is 00:09:46 Didn't you and Shaq like just put out like a Premise of the movies unbelievable No, no one knows it. Oh, no, it's absurd. The premise of this movie is so good So good and Shaq Put it in the universe. he gets what he wants that guy's that guy's the man for a reason. It happened already this was before. It's happening. I mean this was after. You're filming it us. We're we we have we're in a we're

Starting point is 00:10:15 working that out. Shaq's the man. Shaq's the fucking man. I was gonna ask like you know Kevin had mentioned you might you know whatever you'd flirt with the idea of hanging it up, and I was gonna be like, what are you gonna do? And you're like, you love this. But you got plenty of things to do. What? But no, but also, like, the type of comic and person you are, you're gonna tell me

Starting point is 00:10:34 that Burk Reicher's not gonna have a special or comedy or material when he's a grandfather. Yeah, yeah. When you are, now you're empty nesters, now you have your grandkids, now you have this, like, as long as you're alive, you're gonna have stories stories to tell bro. I just gotta figure out how to transition into shirts Dude I I'm I would love to be like that old man comic and like and sit in a chair and

Starting point is 00:11:09 do stand up with a cigar and a drink. I would love to do that. Yeah, do a little white action. How old different are you than Asian Marin? Marin sits on a stool a lot. Yeah, he does. He does. I don't know how old Marin is. Those guys are all like sneaky. I don't know. Like some guys, there's some guys that are like, and I know people maybe get affected by like saying they're older that would bother them. I mean, it bothers me. I'll tell you what, this is crazy. So I released special. I'm telling you all the secrets. Okay. I definitely am going to need a drink. I'm texting Jackie right now to get his glasses. So I released special. I do not know how it does it comes out at midnight you get a full day on

Starting point is 00:11:48 The site before you find out if you're trending. Okay the 24 hours It seems like everyone seems like they like it like I'm seeing positive stuff online But you never know right and and the real key is like I'm just being very real all the kids and I say kids, or my friends, that I helped or worked with when they were younger are all doing really big things. And you wonder, am I relevant? Like, am I, do I still matter?

Starting point is 00:12:14 Like, does it, like, you know, I know my friends think I'm funny, but like, to the landscape at large, are they like, they're like, eh, he had his time. We're ready for the next generation. I mean, Shultz's special is fucking amazing. Gillis's beautiful dogs might be one of my favorite specials I've ever seen.

Starting point is 00:12:29 And Gillis is doing record numbers in any city he goes to. He sets record attendance for the arena. For the arena. Not comedy, for the building. Not comedy, for the building. And I definitely remember setting record attendances. Those are gone now. I remember getting plaques.

Starting point is 00:12:47 Now you're only doing 15,000. Getting plaques, congratulations, record attendance. Gone. Now someone's sweeping up a Eggad show. But again, you're doing what, 15,000 people? You're LeBron, bro. 10,000 people. LeBron's putting up like 25,000, six and six.

Starting point is 00:13:02 It's not 27,000, seven and seven anymore. You're still fucking right there, bro. I don't need to be the best. I don't need to be the goat. I don't need everyone to say, you're my favorite. What all I want was like people to watch my special and go, it's good. And I said to myself, if it just trends in the top 10,

Starting point is 00:13:18 I'm happy. I don't need it to be the highest I ever had one trend I think was like six maybe. And I was like, oh, I'm good with that. Maybe four. I was like, that's all I was like, oh I'm good with that, maybe four. I was like, that's all I need. And so I give it 24 hours, I wake up, I do morning radio and get good response from the guys,

Starting point is 00:13:33 but I'm like, I'm not gonna look at Netflix, so if it's not trending, it'll fuck my day up. And so I'm not gonna, it's like, I don't need that. Push content, don't pull it. So I get in bed, I take a nap after radio, and I get a text from a kid I really like. His name's Ricky Velez. He's so funny.

Starting point is 00:13:50 I just saw whatever he did on YouTube. I saw a bunch of clips, maybe on his Instagram, and when I saw it, it was probably like two months ago, three months ago, maybe later than that, earlier, I was like, dude, he's doing what I was trying to do when I was his age, but way better than I was at that age. What is that? Family or his family or his stand-up or like the stand-up his stand-up and I'm like I'm like dude He's doing what I what I was trying to do at that age

Starting point is 00:14:15 But he's doing it way better and I just I was like in my feelings like like in your head No, I texted him like dude, you're hilarious. I didn't dislike him. I was like god damn it man I was trying to do that and I couldn't do that. He's so much better than I am at that age. And he texts me, and he's like, dude, I've been fucking with you for a minute. Your special's awesome. Dude, you're fucking, keep killing it.

Starting point is 00:14:36 You push this pace, or whatever it is. Yeah, bro, you're like the pioneer of this shit. We're the Trailblazers. I started crying. I was like, I'm madder? Like, it's like the idea that like arms I get to still play in the game Still suit up and then wait. No, I'm gonna stop you you're talking like, you know

Starting point is 00:14:53 You're some like 12th man off the bench getting like garbage time. You're you're at number two special on Netflix I know you're still in the top of the game. That's the end of the story is uh, is I then Check my messages and every fucking message is from Everyone I work with everyone they're like number two number two And you know what it would have been number one if it wasn't that little fucker on Posted and I wrote the comment. I said number two is amazing. You're probably not gonna knock that little fucker off Timing you would have been number one. No no no no no, no, no, no, no, you want a banger Yeah, that's true. That's the rule the way Netflix works

Starting point is 00:15:30 Fuck trending that ignore it if there's nothing if you're it's scary if you're number one That might mean that there's nothing competing against you which definitely means no one's bringing Strangers aren't coming to the platform. Yeah and finding Right, right. If you are, if you are. What do you want, you want whiskey? I want anything. I had the, I got a bottle of four O's that's been sent my house. The best part of college basketball is here.

Starting point is 00:15:54 And as we know, you're excited and we want to watch the big upsets throughout the tournament. I think it's been pretty much a slow tournament as that goes, but usually if the first rounds are crappy, the later rounds are good. So whether you're streaming in the cave or you want to get out and see the live action in person, Game Time is the official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports and of KFC Radio. They make getting tickets easy and faster on their app where prices will go actually down as you get closer to show

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Starting point is 00:17:04 Cigurra's at MSG. The water champ. Who's opening? Kirk Fox. Yeah. No, let's go. Yeah. That's right.

Starting point is 00:17:10 That's right. He told us that. I got your guy. I don't know. I hope so. But he had said that we were out there. We got to reach out and get him in here. He's probably in this week.

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Starting point is 00:18:07 21 and over age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co slash audio. So I'll tell you this, sorry, one of the highest I've ever tried it, I think was like four, maybe, I think four.

Starting point is 00:18:24 I'm gonna say four. I'll tell you,, the highest I've returned I think was like four, maybe I think, four. I'm gonna say four. I'll tell you, that was my biggest special. By far my biggest special. And I don't know if I'll ever get as big as that one special. Do you know what dropped the same week my special dropped? A show called Tiger King. No!

Starting point is 00:18:42 I remember that, yeah, yeah, yeah, you remember that. And it didn't hurt that everyone in the country was asked to stay in their house I was dancing about the pandemic. I was like numbers I think I was number six or number four and I remember going I was like I was like this fucking the feedbacks crazy Like I mean I go to my Instagram and I was like so many people were why I was like What the fuck and then I figured and then I mean, I go to my Instagram, and I was like, so many people were watching. I was like, what the fuck? And then I figured, and then I watched one guy trend at number one,

Starting point is 00:19:08 but then just disappeared, and I get the numbers. I mean, I shouldn't say that, but I get numbers. And I was like, he didn't do as good as mine did. And it's because of what is showing up on the platform. So when I saw adolescence as number one, and me as number two, I was like, nice. Nice, yeah. People are saying that it's like the best piece

Starting point is 00:19:26 of television in the last like 20 years. So if you're in the ring behind that, cheers to that. Everyone said that. Cheers guys. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much. Oh. Oh. Yeah, it's, the algorithms, those algorithms are crazy.

Starting point is 00:19:40 You know, I've said this before, but like Netflix changed the way we do. I do a special because I always put closers at 22 minutes. Who read? I read that in the you in LA with LA Times interview. Yeah. Yeah. We're talking to you about this. And I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure. I did my when I see your time. They said I was with a couple people in the green room. I'll say their names just out of

Starting point is 00:20:03 respect for them. But the one of the guys is a really, really big comic. And he goes, yeah man, he's like, they only watch 30 minutes. And I was like, what? And he goes, they only watch 30 minutes. He goes, I can still do my closer for my special. No one saw it, everyone turns it off for 30 minutes. And he's like, you should do a 30 minute special with them.

Starting point is 00:20:19 And I was like, well, the art form's an hour. And then this other person said, no, they watched the whole thing. You might be able to tell who that person is by that. And then I watched that person special and I barely got through 14 minutes. And I was like, oh wow. And then I was like, why didn't I wanna,

Starting point is 00:20:37 and then I went to that person's closer and it was a really good closer. I went, why didn't they put that earlier? And so I said, all right, I'm gonna do this. I took, it was secret time, it was a zip lining story about taking my family's zip lining and when in doubt, spread them out. And I took it and I just, and I took everything in the back

Starting point is 00:20:55 that was like really building to it and I just kind of front loaded it and then put that at like 24 or 22 minutes. So I go, okay, so if they're only watching 30 minutes, they're watching a gangster ass 30 minutes. And then I was like, and then I'll slow down the rest of it. Shack.

Starting point is 00:21:12 The, he calls and I stop. So, and then, and when I got the numbers back from Netflix, they brought me in and they sat me down and they go, your rate of retention was the highest we've ever had on the platform. That's the name of the game these days. And they're like, can you tell us what you did? And I was like, yeah man, I just, I put my closer at 22. And they're like, what? And I was like, yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:35 That to me, it was Nimesh. It was Nimesh, yeah. Nimesh Patel on the other day, we were talking about that. And like, that's not like the art form, you're still, you're not totally radicalizing changing it. But it's just like a little tweak that's like this is what the audience is doing. It forces you to write two closers.

Starting point is 00:21:50 Yeah. And then you have two closers to choose from. So for this one, I want to say Oven Mets is at 24. I want to say either Oven Mets or, I want to say it's Oven Mets, maybe Traffic Hones. But one of them, and then the other closer was the dog closer Which I couldn't put anywhere up there and that's also like a different type of closer You know one's like this funny like a joke a story and this is like a heartfelt thing

Starting point is 00:22:13 So yeah, and that's and then and then but bro. That's what you've been you know that was like that takes like a lot of Innovation like to think to like I mean we're gonna over exaggerate here a little bit but like you are completely flipping the art form on its head and Reinventing it that takes a lot of like foresight innovation. That's fucking we've been doing that. I really like seeing that clip I saw that I saw the clip on Instagram and then I think the next day you tweeted the LA Times link so I read the interview and I was like god damn like Bert doesn't get enough credit as like So I read the interview and I was like, God damn, Bert doesn't get enough credit as like, that takes a lot of fucking thought.

Starting point is 00:22:48 You were doing the 360 deal with the arenas and all that shit, you have always kind of led the pack in terms of the technical stuff and the business stuff and all that shit. You get a lot of shit for it though. You get a lot of shit for it. I'm sure you do. For ambition, any ambitions not looked nicely up on in stand up.

Starting point is 00:23:09 Ambitious comics are like, they're like needy or like, there's like a phrase or something, but they're like, I don't know. And so sometimes ambition, people kind of roll their eyes at. And I think my ambition, I think there's people, I mean, I'm lucky enough to be friends with Shane, so he tells me what people say about me. You get Shane drunk enough, and we were in Vegas,

Starting point is 00:23:32 he's like, we did, me, him, Bobby, and Tommy did the MGM Grand Garden Arena. Bobby goes first, Shane goes, then Tom, then I closed it. No one wants to close that show, but because I take my shirt off, it's kinda, you know, I think we might have flipped a coin to be dead honest with you. And so, I go up last, I get on stage,

Starting point is 00:23:53 and Shane's kinda sitting back like, you know, in like a, and I was like, what's up? And he's like, dude, I mean, I'm just saying, fuck what anyone says, You're a brilliant comedian. And I was like, well you could have just said you're a brilliant comedian Shane. You could have just said that. But I know that some people think

Starting point is 00:24:13 because I take my shirt off it's a cheat code. I think, and by the way, I gotta be honest. I do it, I do it. I'm not regretting it. But I've seen comics that take their shirts off and I see them and see my good what the fuck Dude I knew a barefoot if I could What the fuck's wrong with you? Dude, I'd do a barefoot if I could.

Starting point is 00:24:44 You can, do whatever the fuck you want. I think on my next special it's gonna be leather pants, no shirt, no shoes. There you go. I'm gonna call it no shirt, no shoes. I'm gonna call it no shirt, no shoes. No shirt, no shoes. Yeah, the, it's, yeah, I think that's been

Starting point is 00:24:59 one of my downfalls is that, you know, what happens is I sign a different type of deal and it gets people upset in the industry and like agents and managers and comics, comics, comics. Why didn't I get that? Good friends of mine were like, what the fuck are you doing? This is stupid.

Starting point is 00:25:12 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you can guess who it is. And so it wasn't Tom and it wasn't Joe. And so like they just get upset. And then when I signed that deal, I had people shitting on me for signing that deal. Uh and so like uh they goes on the building. Normally if they bring in an act, they hire the act. They just hire No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It's like it's a kid rock deal really is kid rocks the first one to get it. I know everyone's got one First comedian yeah Yeah, but I got shit on by a lot of people like I got shit on by a lot a lot of people accept me Nasty fucking messages, and I'm someone who doesn't like conflict

Starting point is 00:26:17 And I want everyone to like me and I know that's not possible But when you get people that just straight-up dislike you because you're deciding to do a business deal and it's like yeah But that's just hell. Hey jealousy. That's you know what I mean. That's all that is it also is as I understand it It like it's progress right like you're making more money Progress is always gonna be fucking someone's gonna be like don't change the status quo Yeah, right, all I change no matter what it is. They don't I mean even starting the vodka like You know there are people that just like what the fuck you doing that for and you're like, I don't know man I just like I like doing fun shit. Yeah

Starting point is 00:26:52 You know what I mean like like if someone else who it doesn't fit their personality at all is like sure slap my name On this vodka and it's like yeah, you're just shilling for money But it's like for a crusher was born to sell vodka. I was, dude, I was, hey listen, number one, I don't live in, I live in yes and love. Like I love to love shit. I love to fall in love with shit. Falling in love is the coolest thing in the world. When you fall in love, there is no better

Starting point is 00:27:17 goddamn feeling in the world than when you realize this is my person, I want them forever, how do I make this happen? God damn it, falling in love rocks. Dude, discovering a band, how great is it? Even better yet, how great is it when you put on Steely Dan and you forget how much you love the band? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:35 What's your boy's name, AC Law? RC Drive. RC Drive, RC Drive. For real? Yeah. I mean, they're already on their way, but like they could still, you know, you can still find them. They're they're the next one I'll tell you listen, you know, I don't I don't operate in like the negative space of like I

Starting point is 00:27:54 Want to say and I'm you know, never say never but like I've never Left a negative comment. Yeah There's only two types of people in this world the people who do that and the people who don't do that like there's never like you're never gonna wake up one day like I'm gonna do it just today once you know you're either like a negative person who chairs people down and does that shit or you don't listen uh I'm the kind of person this is a perfect example what's the name of that band kronga banga that you like krong been you ever listen krong been no okay it takes some getting into.

Starting point is 00:28:25 But I'm the kind of person that when I didn't get it and I didn't like it, I said I might be wrong. Or it's not for me, right? No, no, no, everyone likes Krongbin. Okay. And so Krongbin's very weird. Krongbin is a guy and a girl and I don't know how you can explain it.

Starting point is 00:28:43 That's it, I don't know which is a guy and which is a girl And but but I'm the kind of person like as opposed to what you see on the internet is like, oh fuck this guy He sucks. He's a piece of shit unfollow I Can't imagine I really sincerely can't imagine being that powerless in life. Mm-hmm that you would allow something you don't like imagine being that powerless in life that you would allow something you don't like to just talking about this this morning we're like I don't know why I am obviously I've noticed it forever but very recently everyone was celebrating NBA ratings being down people like haha and I was like what do you care if you

Starting point is 00:29:18 don't like basketball you don't watch who cares if you like basketball you watch who gives a shit who else is watching right and then we were talking about because this weekend was Snow White people were like hot bombs like what do you work? I go see the fucking movie. So who gives a goddamn shit I like what does it matter how it did like just enjoy the things you enjoy and the leave the things alone that you don't It's fucking so easy people trans WNBA. You're like, okay, just don't watch it Like I mean, you know, there are some people that like it a lot For some dad and his daughter

Starting point is 00:29:46 who really fucking love the sparkles or whatever they're called. I don't watch it, but I'm not gonna go trashing it. And then, you know, it's like, so when I got Karangbin, I was like, all right, that's the way my brain works. I go, so there's something here that people are liking. I should try to investigate to see if I can also like it.

Starting point is 00:30:04 My favorite band, Goose, my favorite band goose my favorite band goose. I Was told I was doing Red Rocks by the way, I'm doing Red Rocks again in October. Oh, yeah So we'll see there but every time I do Red Rocks and it's not happening this time But I got to kind of pick where I wanted to be one year. It was Wilco I got to go right the day before Wilco. That's your jam, right? You love it. I got to go right Wow, I'm a buffet became friends with Jimmy Wilco. Jimmy Buffett, I got to go right before Jimmy Buffett. Became friends with Jimmy Buffett. Like Jimmy Buffett was a man to me. Next year, I go, hey, who can I pick?

Starting point is 00:30:32 I'd like to go after Widespread Panic, before Widespread Panic. And they go, yeah, we're not doing Panic, but we got this band Goose, the promoter, this guy who owns Red Rocks. And I was like, who's Goose? He goes, well, you got a year to get into them. You got a year to make them your favorite band

Starting point is 00:30:46 so that you can enjoy next year. And I love that challenge. And so I said, all right, we're getting into Goose. And man, I tried. And I was like, okay. I was like, it's weird music. It's jam bandy, but it's jam band adjacent? And I was like, okay.

Starting point is 00:31:02 And I'd play them, I'd play them, and I'd play them I play them I play them and a lot of times It just takes one song one song to get you to understand the band The day my fucking you remember this day Pete the day my movie came out Hit my radio. I woke up. We are we had just done the red carpet. I was at the hotel and I made I had a glass of champagne first thing in the morning, and I hit Goose, so ready. Change everything. I'm the biggest Goose fan in the world.

Starting point is 00:31:32 One song explained their catalog to me, and then I got them, and then all of a sudden, now I'm obsessed with them, and I follow them everywhere. Dude, I can't imagine if I was, and I don't mean to be disrespectful to the guy typing a negative comment right now. I don't imagine if I was and I don't mean to be disrespectful to the guy typing a negative comment right now Adult but if I was you as you're typing I can't imagine Your life where you wouldn't just give things a chance And maybe you find something you fucking love if I was the guy that was like fuck this band. They suck. I'm next Yeah, I would not have the favorite thing in my life. I have a video of them playing slow ready,

Starting point is 00:32:07 it's a slow version, acoustic, in my kitchen, with my daughters and my wife. I gave myself that opportunity by opening my mind and allowing myself to love this band. Tony Chong told me when we were high, you choose your reality, no one else does. You pick your reality. If you wanna live in negative space, you can. reality. If you want to live in negative space,

Starting point is 00:32:25 you can. Or, or you can choose to live in positive space. And he told me that the next day I got up, Leanne and I were fighting. We had a fight that night. We were angry the next morning. And I went to go get her coffee. And I heard Tommy Chong's words. And I was in my car. And I looked at my house and I said, I have a beautiful house. And I only have this beautiful house because of that woman. I would have never bought this house. I would never bought our first house. I just am not that guy I don't think that way I would never have these beautiful kids I wouldn't have all the shit in my life without this woman my career. She edits my whole specials She runs my whole summer festival. She she's executive produced the fucking cabin with us

Starting point is 00:33:01 I mean that woman and I said I get to choose my reality. Wait, and I was like, does this work? Can I choose not to be mad at her? And I went, absolutely. All I gotta do is look at all the good shit she's given me. And I went, you know what? I'm not mad at her. I chose my reality.

Starting point is 00:33:16 That's crazy. And that was Tommy Chong High telling me that. And I fucking got his coffee and I came back and I go, baby, I am so sorry. I love you to death. And if I was being a dick last night. That's all me and she was so confused She doesn't fight right? Like that's the crazy thing is like I I love the positives. I love doji. I fucking

Starting point is 00:33:40 To like everybody like this is movement of like she's an industry plant And she doesn't deserve to be on stage with Lauren Hill and she... Doji's the baddest motherfucker out there. Fuckin' let the girl live. Industry plant is such a weird term because it's just like, why do you want to admit you don't know ball anymore? You know what I mean? It's like, you don't know Doji, but plenty of people have been, yeah she's been out since 2019 or whatever, like grinding, and now she blew up. The Chapel Rowan was the same way. It's like, well, this song that everyone loves now

Starting point is 00:34:07 came out six years ago or four years ago or whatever. Well, it's like Pink Pony Club was out before. Yeah, you're just old and wild and lame. It's crazy, it's crazy. I think Dochi's bringing dark skinned chicks back. I'm telling you, I know this is creepy, and Dochi, I hope you never hear this. She probably won't.

Starting point is 00:34:22 I am stoked. I hope it doesn't come across your desk you are sexy as fuck you are I am telling you right now I got I got a handful of crushes out there one's dead Shannon Doherty I would I would all right P I got one I'm gonna tell you off air just saying what we'll bleep it, we'll bleep it. Oh yeah, why do we have to bleep that one? Bleep this too. Okay. She's sliding in my DM. No! What is Leanne thinking of that? Not comfortable. I would not be either, bro. That's like that's like hall pass territory Please give me one Here I will say this she is that woman is hall pass material to the max dream material to the max Do you know what is a real dream?

Starting point is 00:35:17 Leanne Crasher But I know what you mean I'm not gonna be that guy but like watching her operate free I don't even know about your relationship, but I'm saying the way she's a gangster, dude. And the shit that you, like just the whole empire you put together, like that's the fucking dream. But also you should fuck. Please that one too. She, Leanne, she did a screening of the special at our house. Rover invited our friends and my sisters.

Starting point is 00:35:47 And we watched it and I watched the whole thing. I was like, mostly that whole set was inspired from Chappelle because Chappelle and I had a night where we partied and we talked and he explained how he does a special. And I don't normally do them that way, but on the last, the sixth show is the one where the thing landed on the mic. And I kind of took a little hint from Chappelle and I went off book and did things I hadn't normally do them that way, but on the last, the sixth show is the one where the thing landed on the mic, and I kinda took a little hint from Chappelle,

Starting point is 00:36:07 and I went off book and did things I hadn't done. I wasn't gonna tell the Snoop story, that went in. That got slid in, cause I was fucking around. And I said to Leanne, I go, god damn it. Like, I forgot I'm a good standup. I go, but that dog story, I told it perfect. And she goes, easy. I said, what? I really big piecemeal that together

Starting point is 00:36:28 haha she goes trust me I told you that you see there's a lot of you sobbing like a bitch on that haha we killed her. Now wait, let's back up though. So what's what's a what's she saying in the DMs? Enough that it got flagged. No way. Yeah it got flagged no way yeah it got flagged wait what does that mean like like so I don't read my DMS okay so someone else saw it it was like hey you gotta check this out so it's not just like hey I'm a fan it's like it's it's it's provocative it's a little more You know what it is. What was the picture?

Starting point is 00:37:09 Got the fuck up Barrow dude, it's you know what I'll say though sweating right now And by the way, it wasn't just like like it was my whole office is all women I have like 15 women that work before me and once they got flagged, they were like, yo. Yo, here's the thing. Fucking that woman would be awesome. Getting the messages is almost better. It's better. It's way better. It's like you coming on to me.

Starting point is 00:37:32 It's way better. I've had sex before. I know what it's gonna feel like. It would be pretty cool to look at that while it's happening. But the fact that you're doing that to me. I understand dudes that like, I understand it, cause like I never, I don't, I know I say that I don't

Starting point is 00:37:45 read DMs and I have read DMs obviously I saw I saw hers had been read I was like oh what did she say and then I went oh wow I like yours too and then and then And then, shit, the one time during the pandemic, I had never DM'd anybody. I never DM'd, like friends or something. I'd never DM'd with a stranger. During the pandemic, there was a girl who DM'd me, I think she was from Philly, and she DM'd me, and it was like a heartfelt DM

Starting point is 00:38:24 about going through mental health problems, about being in the pandemic and I just wanted to know that I read it and I was like, I was like, hey, I hear you, we're all going through it, my girls are going through it too. Hey, things get better, everything gets better, I promise. And then she fucking took that off on a and like the next picture she was in thigh high socks with panties on and she was like, I didn't know you were going to read these. I'm fucking in love with you. Now I had never had that happen. And I always hear stories of buddies getting caught

Starting point is 00:38:50 in the DMs. And I was like, how does that even happen? Dude, it's like emotional cheating. Like it's, dude, I tell you a crazy story. I don't know how the right way to tell this. But like, I was working with someone one time I don't know how the right way to tell this but like I Was I was working with someone one time and they said They're talking people people having affairs on set. Mm-hmm. And I was like, that's crazy. I can't imagine I don't shit where you eat and they're like, yeah, and then they're like, there's an emotional affair

Starting point is 00:39:17 So what's an emotional affair? She's very pretty and she goes, you don't know what an emotional affairs I know she's like when you establish a relationship with someone she goes here let's do an emotional affair I'll just show you what it is like hey what if me and you were to go on a vacation somewhere where would you want to go and random as fuck we both said the Canary Islands at the same time random as fuck and then we started texting about this vacation like going like hey we should go to when we go to the Canary Islands. I remember that day, that day I said,

Starting point is 00:39:47 will we go with other people? And she goes, no, no, no. We would go there and not tell anyone, just say we're going on a trip ourselves. And you'd wait for me at the bar. You're gonna be in flip-flops, khakis, and an opened Hawaiian shirt, and I'm gonna come out no bra,

Starting point is 00:40:02 with a thong on and a sundress. And I'm gonna sit next to you and we're gonna pretend we don't know each other. And I was like, okay, okay. I got so into this emotional affair that all of a sudden I'm Googling things to do in the Canary Islands. I had to be like, yo, I can't talk to you ever again.

Starting point is 00:40:19 I was like, this is fucking crazy. For some reason, her telling you what you're gonna wear, I was like, whoo, baby. You are. The flip-flop, whoo. Dude, I'm not one of the guys, I know a lot of guys get told what to wear, and I don't ever get told what to wear.

Starting point is 00:40:33 I'm like, am I getting treated tonight, then? It was crazy. I'll tell you who that woman was, too. You gotta edit it out. Yeah. She's fucking. No. Oh oh really? She's sexiest however

Starting point is 00:40:50 Was she tattooed No, no, no, okay. That's I will you know what I was thinking of Recently promoted lucky my girl Kristi Mack. Oh my god Did you see that video? I like the tweet dude do I never like tweets anymore Tell you something people if you are promoting a product you send it to Christy Mac Unboxing that woman is a god It's Christy so I'm a little messy, but you can see my nipples

Starting point is 00:41:25 I must have watched that a hundred Hey guys, it's Christie. So I'm a little messy, but you can see my nipples. I must have watched that a hundred times. She's the best dude. You know it's so funny because they do the box. It's like the business is like, we want to send one to Dave Portnoy and I'm like, absolutely not. Dave Portnoy is not opening it. You know what's so funny is I spoke to Leanne like the next day on the phone and she was like, thank you so much for the video you posted and then.

Starting point is 00:41:47 Both of you guys posted, yours. But then, but it was funny, like she saw mine and talked about mine and you were talking about Chrissy Mac. Yeah. Well she was putting the boxes together and she was like, you know, I think maybe she met Dave or something, I like Dave, so I've always talked nicely

Starting point is 00:42:00 about Dave around her, I think Dave's kind of a, I think he's a little bit of a gangster. Yeah. And so she's like, well someone to Dave and I was like, no, he's a little bit of a gangster. And so she's like, well, send one to Dave. And I was like, no, he's not gonna open it. And they cost money. It's my money. And I'm like, no.

Starting point is 00:42:10 And if Dave wants one, I'll send him one, but he doesn't want one. He's got enough stuff. And if he, you know, and she goes, what about Big Cat? And I go, I don't think Big Cat will open it either. It's not, they're not like Instagram guys. It was gambling they're in, but it's like, I go, definitely KFC send them both those boys and then

Starting point is 00:42:27 She's like what about Chris Rock and I went no She's like Kevin Hart because they these are the guys that send stuff to me Yeah, both of them have sent stuff to me and I do the unboxing but that's and so I go no send one to Christy Mac She's like really yeah, that's what you want I was like someone to look Lindsey Pellisis. Yeah, really both of them gangster unboxing My man knows oh my god. He's doing Fucking she's like someone to shack. I was like, no You know how to do this bro. Like you're you're even just watching you operate in Austin at South by Southwest

Starting point is 00:42:59 It's just like you put actually was very funny to watch you and Tom both at the house right it was like like you both show up you do your podcast you do your thing and I and I watched Tom go to one of his people he's like alright let's make our rounds like tell me what I gotta talk to good done he's like I'm out here and and you were like I'm not leaving I'm here for the next 18 hours I think I went to another bar after that we went to the after that. We went to the mothership. Oh we went to the fucking mothership. That was that was the funniest too because Burt I mean I don't think I've ever outlasted the machine. Really? Like Burt was like I gotta go home. I'm good at an Irish

Starting point is 00:43:35 go-bye. I know when to call me. Yeah. Like I'm not you know. We went to the mothership and and we watched Shane go up and and then you were like I'm out of here. And we all always have the same thought before I was Shane. He was like, don't let Shane know I'm leaving because he's not gonna let me leave. And he just dipped out before Shane could get a hold of you. He's a bully and I'm a bully. Yeah. Like my favorite text in the world to get is a no from Shane Gillis. I'm gonna go home and when I'm not coming, no you're not.

Starting point is 00:44:01 Are you gonna be, hey, I'm gonna, this is a really good one. So I texted him. I go, are you gonna be, hey, I'm gonna, this is a really good one. So I texted him, I was in St. Patty's Day, I was doing Rogan, St. Patty's Day. And I texted Shane, I was like, yo, are you going out tonight? And he was like, no. And I went, okay, I'm gonna let it be a no, cause I'm gonna fly home.

Starting point is 00:44:20 And he went, well wait, what were you thinking? And he was like, no, I gotta rest. I gotta go to London next week. I gotta go to London next week. Talk about those fucking Philly mouth breathers all in London. I mean, talk about, those are the revolutionaries. Those are the guys, they went,

Starting point is 00:44:36 that's exactly who they fought. Yeah, 300 years ago it was Shane O'Connor and Tommy Pope. Like fucking Ken George. Drop the tea in the fucking river. Dude, uh, no, the, um, the, the, that, that day was so great. Oh, bro, that, I'm so mad he wasn't there. He would have loved it. Oh, he would have loved it.

Starting point is 00:44:56 The tats, the cold plunge, the sauna, it was like, it was like meathead activity mixed with just like booze and food and chicks and partying I mean you definitely would have got a tat he would have been in the sauna with us with the crazy guys trying to live forever what a what a what a who's this Shane would have no you it was like gourmet sushi gourmet burgers from Philip Lee the

Starting point is 00:45:20 cold plunge in the sauna with the guy trying to live forever who was Brian Brian Johnson Which was that was like a fever dream to me I was like I'm in a sauna with Bert and and Brian and then there was that guy that you kept going to twink That's Tommy's employee, okay Fucking guys and girls little shit, but I was like, you know We're pressing him about trying to live forever. And then a couple hours later, you

Starting point is 00:45:47 got the tattoo gun in your hand tattooing the most beautiful chick at the party. That was insane. What did you think of the guy who wanted a tat? I was like, I was like. Yeah. He laid on the table. He got it on his ankle.

Starting point is 00:45:59 So he kind of did the Costanza. He leaned his ankle out. And I was like, I mean, this is cool that you're down and he tattooed lucky and he promoted the special But I was like I wouldn't have done this Pose you wouldn't have I just don't think I would have been I would have let Bert Yeah, but I don't think I'd be like tattoo my ankle I don't know. It was just a little bit weird and then and then like the most beautiful girl I've seen in like a long time. I really had a dad moment in there. I said,

Starting point is 00:46:25 I can't do this to you. You said, I'm thinking about her father being like, what the fuck. She goes, my dad has no ownership over my body. I was like, stop it. I've had those exact words come out of my daughter's mouth. Yes, he does. He created that fucking body. When she said that, I was like, oh, this dad's, the tattoo is the least of this dad's concern. She's doing other things with that body. I did a good one. You did. You did. Yeah. It was pretty impressive. Yeah, I've been, I've given out a bunch of them. Did you pick the clover by the way or did she? She picked the clover. Because it like, I mean obviously it's not

Starting point is 00:46:52 Lucky was the name and everything but the four-leaf clover was in the box and everything. It was like, oh this girl picked the right fucking thing. It's so funny. I had a woman that uh, that I think people thought I was having an affair with. You know her. You know her. You know her. Who? Tasha. Oh yeah, yeah, from yesterday.

Starting point is 00:47:11 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I can see why people would think that. Yeah, because she was my assistant on the set of The Machine, so we were with each other all the time. All the time, yeah. And everyone in the comments were like, Bert's fucking her, oh God. But you know what, Tasha is the funniest fucking human.

Starting point is 00:47:25 She one time asked me for $50,000 so she could plant four leaf clovers and grow four leaf clovers to then give to people. And I was like, okay, what's the investment, what's the return on investment? She goes, what do you mean? I give them away to people. She goes, yeah, I just give them to people.

Starting point is 00:47:42 And I was like, Tasha, we wanna make money make money. How many of you think you'll grow? And she goes, well, I don't even know if I can grow them. I was like, Tasha, well, I'm just gonna try. Does it take 50 grand to grow? Field. She wanted to buy rent a field and grow four leaf clovers. The worst idea I've ever heard heard can I tell you that Tasha kid was fucking first of all she's gorgeous but she is fucking hysterical one day shit for an art project she recorded herself following the Sun what does that even mean I have no idea she got lost as fuck and didn't realize her GoPro battery died so only has the first hour of her walking.

Starting point is 00:48:27 That kid is, she's here in New York I think. Wasn't she just, she was just like a local, wasn't she? Or no, she was just kind of like, it wasn't like she was in acting or the business or anything, right? She was just like a local who showed you around? Yeah, she was a local who showed me around. And to be a Serbian, and I mean this with respect, but to be a Serbian and then to be a part of a

Starting point is 00:48:49 Dare I say like a wealthy American movie guy. Yeah. Yeah be a part of their lives. It's super intoxicating Yeah, like I would be like I remember one time I just I'd be like Tasha Let's do a party this weekend and she'd be like, what do you mean? I go, let's do a party. Let's get a sommelier to come to the house, bring, let's do like, I'd say 15 cases of wine, and let's invite the crew, and get a DJ. And she'd be like, that's gonna, she literally said to me one time, she goes,

Starting point is 00:49:18 that's gonna cost like $1,000. And I was like, well here's $5,000. Figure it out. She would be like, the last day, the day I left, she gave me a hug and she was crying. Wasn't because she was gonna miss me. She was gonna miss my lifestyle. We'd have so much fun together. I was like, you know, I was making money on the movie,

Starting point is 00:49:39 but everything was so cheap in Serbia that I'd live crazy. And she was like, oh, I mean That's that's like hero trip when they get wherever they can say a nickel by the hotel She was she was a great chick the Yeah, I don't know the the the the party scene was was a great one. And then, I mean, it's just, you're the ultimate, we've said it before, the ultimate hype man, the ultimate wing man, the ultimate party connector.

Starting point is 00:50:13 I don't know, if you didn't do comedy, I think somehow, someway, you still would have been a club promoter, a fucking DJ, something that would be- I honestly can tell you, I should have been like a boat salesman Whatever luxury item that you shouldn't buy and is stupid But Bert will talk about the sparkle and you'll have a cocktail at sundown on this boat with your wife And you'd like yeah, I'll take two. It's dude. I RVs

Starting point is 00:50:44 side-by-sides Something you should not buy Yeah, I'll take two. It's dude, I, RVs, side by sides, motorcycles, something you should not buy. I would be a perfect salesman. Yeah, you would be. Oh my God, I could sell cold plunges to Eskimos. How come you don't own a bar? You know, I think I'm really, you know. I'm really thinking about opening a bar in LA,

Starting point is 00:51:05 but just get one of those boxes. Like a real small dive bar. Yeah, yeah, don't make it even like a club, loungey place. Like make it a drinking bar. I told you my one idea for a bar. It's called Rick Shaw's. Oh yeah, you have read this before. And there'd be Rick Shaw's in front.

Starting point is 00:51:24 Five Rick Shaw's. And if you live within a half a mile, we'll take it free ride I'll pick you up in a rickshaw and take you home but like the whole concept of what I miss the most is like And when you know, I love I love England. I love London I love the idea that every corner's got a pub and in those smaller cities, especially in like Ireland in the smaller cities The whole community surrounds that pub. I love that we were in Brighton I think and we went to like a local pub in Brighton and It was such a great vibe and Pete you're seeing moms and sons

Starting point is 00:51:59 Sitting having a pint together in a corner. I would love to create that in LA But I you know, it's it's just LA is not a big walking city sitting having a pint together in a corner. I would love to create that in LA, but you know, it's just, LA's not a big walking city. Dude, the, I've been to a lot of great bars in my life, but there was one weekend I went to Liverpool, and it went to the game at Anfield, and then, Liverpool's a working class town, like pretty small town, and the stadium is like the Packers,

Starting point is 00:52:24 where it's like in the middle of fuckingers where it's like in the middle of fucking nowhere it's just in the middle of homes and near it is this pub I don't I don't know the name it's the greatest pub I've ever been in my life like it's a carpeted rug there are signs all over the place that say no children after 9 p.m. but we were there as a day game so we were there probably like 6 o'clock we got there and all the kids were running around and like the bartenders were messing with the kids and they're chasing the kids around and I was like this feels like a fucking community center like a public house yeah this is what's supposed to be and then we

Starting point is 00:52:54 stayed all night so like at 9 p.m. the bartenders while chasing the kids out like get the hell out of here and I was like this is the fucking spot. I would love there's they have old school bars in the valley that are like boxes, like honestly just a sliver of a wall painted a different color with a door. Yeah. Initially what I was gonna do is offer my likeness to the bar and be like, yo, I'll be a brand ambassador

Starting point is 00:53:18 for the bar, but you can use my likeness and we'll say it's my bar. I was gonna do that at first and then I was like, I just wanna buy a bar. Buy a bar. You know what, I want you to buy an unsuccessful bar. It's not possible because, but you know what I mean? I want it to be a bar that fails and you're like,

Starting point is 00:53:35 I'm not even here for the money, I'm here for the vibe. You know what I think you should do? So a dive bar opened up right below my apartment fairly recently, but I popped in and I was like, this is a great bar. Like the bones of this bar are fucking great. It's low ceiling. Walk down to get into it. It's like, it's like off the street. And, but what, the, the negative of it is it's a dive bar and it just opened. But so everything's new. So I think, I was like,

Starting point is 00:54:04 I think they should have run this for two years before they ever opened. Like just have the friends come and be like, yeah, fucking hang that up on the wall over there. Can someone spit some blood over there? Yeah, exactly. Can I put up this picture? Like, yeah, fuck it.

Starting point is 00:54:18 I don't know. Throw it on the wall over there. Because everything there right now feels very like Applebee's. Like we curated our neighborhood corner Right like here the pant the the penance and all this stuff and I was like if these things like get lit on fire a few Times accidentally like that's what it's a great. I have so much shit I can put in a bar when it comes to college basketball and March mania one thing is for sure Nothing is for sure upsets buzzer beater Cinderella's advancing top seeds going home early. It's tough to write all these

Starting point is 00:54:49 Sucks But the favorite When it comes to March everybody loves chalk Everybody loves top seeds Literally says top seeds going home early for sure not not. But as always, it is like, one of the things about March is when 11, 12, and 13 seeds win, like the final four in Elite Eight stink. So now you're gonna get to watch all the top teams go at it.

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Starting point is 00:55:47 I have so much in my posters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have so much shit I'm going to put in a bar. One of the best bars I ever went to was this place called Tin Lizzie on the Upper East Side. I remember Tin Lizzie. Did you go to Tin Lizzie? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:56:00 Yeah. It was, actually, Fidelberg, when he first moved to New York, needed a few bucks, and I got him a guest bartending gig for the night. Made zero dollars except for the money Kevin gave me. And he had to go out and buy black pants and a black shirt. He lost money on the endeavor. Because I didn't realize that it was not a profitable or functioning bar. It was owned by, at the time, guys who were like 27, 28. And I thought of them as like old guys who blatantly were like, I own a bar to get my dick sucked in the office.

Starting point is 00:56:26 You know, and they would give away, I remember being, I was like, oh, you want like maybe a tin Lizzie? I get free drinks there, and the girls were like, so do we, asshole, everyone gets free booze here, they don't charge anyone. It was like, it was the type of place you walk in, it was daytime, and there was already puke in the toilet.

Starting point is 00:56:42 It's like, how did, did you just not clean this up from last night? Like, why is there already puke here? And it It's like, how did, did you just not clean this up from last night? Why is there already puke here? And it was just a absolute shit show. I remember they wanted to advertise a bar stool, early bar stool, it was like 09. Maybe the first bar I ever worked with. And I remember the owner of the bar being like,

Starting point is 00:56:59 yeah, if you do the party here, you can do whatever you want. And I was like, cool. He's like, no, seriously, watch this. And he just starts pouring his beer on the ground. And I was like, okay, cool. And then he, seriously, watch this. And he just starts pouring his beer on the ground. And I was like, okay, cool. And then he takes a bottle and he just smashes it on the ground. And then there was a big open window right out to second Avenue, uh, I, I, and on the Arthur side,

Starting point is 00:57:13 and he just took a picture and he threw it like a football out the window onto the street. And I was like, I was like, this is like an old saloon. There are literally no rules. You guys are not fucking kidding. We did a, uh, we did the first event I think I ever did. It was a Irish truck bomb contest. It was a, it's a pitcher of Guinness. Oh my God. And a, right, yeah, pitcher of Guinness.

Starting point is 00:57:34 Yeah, pitcher of pint. And he dropped, and it's a pint of Jameson and Baileys. And they dropped it into the pitcher and chugged it. They could chug that in the amount of time that Pat McAfee chugs a regular beer, like five seconds to do a whole fucking pitcher. Jesus Christ. It was one of the most obscene, absurd,

Starting point is 00:57:53 and Barstool had just started, so the people who were there were real Barstool fans. It was crazy. But I want a bar like that. I want you to have someone, their job is to show up and puke in the toilet the first thing. We had a really great bar.

Starting point is 00:58:05 It still is a great bar. It just, what happened is a couple pivotal people in the scene had to get sober. And the pandemic happened. But we had possibly one of the coolest bars in Hollywood. It's called Pat's. It's in the North Hollywood. the coolest bars in Hollywood, it's called Pat's, it's in North Hollywood, and I won't say their names,

Starting point is 00:58:33 I won't say their names, but some very big movie stars that were not sober at the time would hang out there, and low-key be fun as fuck, but the coolest aspect of it is all the black actors would hang out there. So all these huge black actors would hang out there. So like all these huge black actors were half of the bar. The other half is A-list celebrities who are, who clearly have a problem. And then this swath of neighborhood dads who, and everyone seemed to mesh. It was such a great hang.

Starting point is 00:59:03 And then the pandemic happened and now it's kind of died a little bit. That reminds me of an article that I've talked about on this show a ton of times. I'm gonna send it to you, because I think you'd really like this article. Oh yeah, you'd probably know Burt might have been there. Yeah. I'm not even kidding.

Starting point is 00:59:15 It was in the Hollywood Reporter, and it was about Hollywood before smartphones. And it was like smartphones or social media, whatever the title is, killed the Hollywood Hollywood hang and it was talking about some bar that I forget the name of the bar but it was it was describing this market the like snake pit no I wouldn't remember it was the shit it might have been the woman who was like the catalyst for all these bars was kind of the person they're talking to in this article she she managed or or whatever, three or four bars.

Starting point is 00:59:47 And she was talking about this one. And she was like, on a regular night, like, the cast of that 70s show would be in one booth. The cast of Friends would be in another booth. Beyoncé and the Destiny's Child would be on the dance floor. Jay-Z and Kanye would be standing on the bar rapping. Justin Timberlake was running the line out front. Jason Momoa and so and so were here. And Prince was in the back the whole time with the water just watching everything.

Starting point is 01:00:12 And I was like, holy fucking shit. I remember the bar that What's His Name worked at. Jason Momoa worked at. Really? Yeah, it was called Guys. Guys? Guys, a cool fucking bar. I guarantee you it's that bar.

Starting point is 01:00:27 It was over on Melrose. There's a picture of him in this article, so he's heavily featured. There was some really great bars. I was just saying to, I was talking to Jelly Roll about it, about what great dive bars used to be. One of the best ones was on Beverly. It was attached to a hotel, and it was attached to a hotel,

Starting point is 01:00:47 and it was attached to a Greek restaurant. And it was like just a sliver of a bar, and man, you'd go in there, and it was people hiding to drink. I was telling them, I was telling them, you'd go in there to watch dreams die. All people would do was telling you their dreams, and their dreams were dying.

Starting point is 01:01:03 My buddy Croy, who killed himself, my buddy Croy, my buddy Croy and I would go there All people were doing were telling you their dreams and their dreams were dot My buddy Croy and I would go there all the time and Croy would say, you know, these dreams aren't leaving this bar I mean guys that have portfolios. Let me show you my work Should open a bar called dreams What do you think the best celebrity owned bar by far has to be the Viper Room. Who owns that? Johnny Depp. Oh, yeah. Other than, you know, the River Phoenix passing away at it.

Starting point is 01:01:35 I went there a couple times. That place was cool as fuck. Who was the? Did that just not exist anymore? Did he sell it? What was the demise of that? I think someone else bought it. Was it Waukee and Phoenix who bartended there?

Starting point is 01:01:46 I think Waukee, there's some mega celebrity now, some A-lister now who, maybe it was RDJ, Robert Downey Jr., who credits Dr. Johnny Depp with saving his life where he was like, I was out of control. He was like, you gotta get out of Hollywood, not get out of Hollywood, he was like, you gotta stop living the Hollywood life,

Starting point is 01:02:02 you're a bartender at my bar now. And I'm pretty sure- You know, when I'm trying to get living the Hollywood life. You're a bartender at my bar now. And I'm pretty sure- You know that's when I'm trying to get you to slow down, come be a bartender at my bar. Dude, I remember it was a bartender at another Upper East Side bar I used to do a lot of parties at. And he, in his partying days,

Starting point is 01:02:16 he used to fill up his pocket with Coke and put a straw in it. And just. Just. Just. Just. Just. The old Frank Reynolds with the sausages.

Starting point is 01:02:26 I told someone if you can let go of the, I don't know, I can't do this. I never was able to do this with Coke and I barely can do it with Boost for real. But to let go of reality and just go, yeah I'm going to wake up and do it and I'm going to do it throughout the day and we're gonna have ourselves a day. I can't do that with Coke because the next day, I mean, if I have one line of Coke, I have the worst day the next day. Like, it's crazy. Thank God.

Starting point is 01:02:56 Because you would be, you know. On this episode, we were just talking about that and I was like, I never got, drinking I'd be like, poof, I got a headache, you guys wanna pop a beer? But like, Coke, I was always like, get that the fuck away from me too. That was never the solution. That was the criminal, that's the one who did the fucking grind.

Starting point is 01:03:14 God damn it, now you guys make me wanna buy a bar. I can't believe it hasn't even, I thought you were gonna say, we've looked into it or whatever. No, I just started looking into it and there's a bunch of bars, they're not that expensive. You will lose money on it, right? Oh, actually, I don't know, you're so big in like,

Starting point is 01:03:32 if I only start porozos, I might break even. I think of bars the same way Steve Cullen thinks of the Mets. I think of bars, it's philanthropic. It's for the neighborhood, it's for the community. And I think when you run it that way, it'd actually be successful. If you open a bar trying to make a profit

Starting point is 01:03:45 you'd have like you know John Taffer designing it the right way to make sure you maximize and then it doesn't work if you just said beer is it's two dollar beers here or something crazy do you think Joe makes money on the mothership are you asking me or do you I mean I think you know you don't know I would I've never asked about money ever would think Joe Rogan makes money at everything he does. One time I said to him, I was like, I'm rich, and I know what that feels like, but what's rich, I feel like.

Starting point is 01:04:14 It was really funny, he kind of thought about it for a second, and he goes, I don't worry about anything. Yeah, incredible. I went, really? And he goes, yeah, at all. Well, I went, incredible. I was like, that's gotta be nice, just to that like life is good, life's gonna be good.

Starting point is 01:04:29 Now I get to do whatever I want. You're on that level brother. No I still go, I still go like, I don't know, I still wanna hustle and make money. Sure, but you don't worry do you? I had too good, no I don't worry about money, but I worry about, I don't worry about money, but I don't worry about money, but I worry about, I don't worry about money, but I don't know about money. Like I don't know what things cost, and I'm always waiting for someone to say no.

Starting point is 01:04:55 This is really crazy, but when I bought this watch that I'm wearing right now, I knew I wanted it. I didn't know how much it cost, but I knew I wanted it, and I knew it was a really hard watch to get, and so when I got it, I didn't know how much it cost, but I knew I wanted it. And I knew it was a really hard watch to get, and so when I got it, I didn't even, I don't even remember paying for it. But I knew, this is how I registered it. We were at that event, a tennis event,

Starting point is 01:05:17 and I told Leanne, listen, I may have a watch waiting for me when I get to Vegas to celebrate the special. It's a gift for the special, but like, I don't know how much it costs, but only you can tell me if it's affordable. And so Leanne went over to Christine and did casually kind of did some research. And then Leanne didn't say anything.

Starting point is 01:05:37 She went, you should go get it. You should stop by Christine when you're in Vegas. So I was in Vegas. I did not look at the price. Pete didn't look at the price, neither of us did. I bought it. And then I called Leanne and I said, was it expensive? And she goes, yeah. And I went, okay, is it bad? And she goes, no, it's not too bad. But like, let's just say you won't be buying a watch for a while.

Starting point is 01:05:55 Got it. Yeah, yeah. That's good to have that check though, right? But like, I don't like, but I also don't want for a ton of shit. Like I don't care about cars. I don't care about houses. Like I like my house, but like if we moved back to our old house, I'd be very cool with that. You're an experiential guy, not a tangible guy. And then by the way, I don't need fancy shit. Like I don't like, I don't, I wear lucky jeans. I wear, these are expensive shirts, James purse, but I just like the fit of them. Like they're kind of tactile thing. Also, we're still talking about a t-shirt, even if it's expensive t-shirt, we're not talking, you're not buying like, you know, I buy four old t-shirt even if it's expensive t-shirt we're not talking you're not buying like you know I buy four-dollar t-shirts you want hats yeah I don't buy hats yeah I don't and I sneakers like these are expensive sneakers why wear

Starting point is 01:06:31 them so like it's not like I'm collecting them so yeah I don't like Tom's I mean I'm not shitting on Tom and I know this is like a very touchy subject on the internet but Tom has like elegant taste right he loved yeah I mean I remember at that that the poros was launched when he was like, let me introduce you to this Ferrari dealer. And I was like, don't, don't, don't even bother. He's like, don't talk to me, bro. He introduced you to his Ferrari dealer and his jeweler.

Starting point is 01:06:54 Yeah. And I was like, I'm not this guy. They haven't gone public yet. Stop it. I was like, you don't want to waste your time on me, bro. He's like, I, you know, that's not my shit. We're like, like even like, we were talking about like, now that the girls are gone, Leann's like,

Starting point is 01:07:09 what if we downsized? Cause we don't need the house, the house is too big. No one uses the upstairs ever. We only use one, two, we use four rooms in the whole fucking house. And so we were talking about downsizing, and then we were talking about moving to Tennessee. We're like, maybe we'll just move to Tennessee because yeah

Starting point is 01:07:26 Cuz we leon really likes Tennessee fucking Taylor wants done a number on that lady They they she loves them like little brothers. Yeah, and she does the same with you guys, but like she was like Maybe we'll move to Tennessee. Maybe we'll just get out like a some land. Let's get a bus The only thing I care about is my tour bus. Yeah, you check that out, right? I love it. Well, you're spending all your time on there too. So it's like I could I could get rid of all you should do is go be like the king of Tampa. Go back home and just like own the city. I own this block. Yeah. Yeah, you get an old college athlete. Be like, I got a car dealership. Yeah, I got some pizza

Starting point is 01:08:04 places. I could open a bar like Bert drive but you own a city you own you own the streets yeah but it's fine what Tuscaloosa looks like with Saban right take Tampa I could I could own Tampa by the way I got but I also have money in Tampa that I could leverage like I got friends with money in yeah yo let's get in on this Get on a boat every simple phase now Tampa Burt like What am I doing in LA yeah, I respect that you stayed in LA I Mean, I don't even know if you if you're happy you did it or whatever But like when everybody fled to Austin and wherever and you were like I'm going I'm going down with the ship I'm staying home or however you viewed it fuck Fuck yeah, well it's I thought I felt it

Starting point is 01:08:47 I mean I felt a lot of things about it, but like Lian and I definitely talked about moving to Austin and we looked at houses and we both of us were like I was like I'm honestly am I am I moving here because Joe and Tom moved here Well, so that's am I moving here because I like it you want to live here Yeah, and then I was like at one point. I was like, no I'm a grown man, I'll decide where I live. Totally. I'm not going somewhere because my buddies went there. Listen, different people at different stages of their careers. There are certainly people

Starting point is 01:09:14 who like, if Rogan and Tony give you the blessing, you go. If you're a young comic and you can get into the mothership, buddy, don't even pack your bags, start walking tomorrow. But if you have your career set and a family and all that shit to just pick up and follow somebody, I think is kind of... Did you see Schultz talking on maybe All in Pod? I'm not sure what it was. He was like, let's just be real, this is a tax haven.

Starting point is 01:09:41 You're doing it for taxes. And that's fine, but don't tell me that it's like this quirky, weird, hipster city that's so amazing. It's like, if it was here, you'd go there. If it was here, you'd go there. It's just about the taxes. It's about taxes. I remember finding out what Tom was saving and being like, oh.

Starting point is 01:09:55 Yeah, that makes sense. That's how you got that car. I mean, but also I run my life different. Like I, instead of having like, if you go to Tom's podcast studio, it looks like an abortion clinic. Honestly, I think it might be next to an abortion clinic. And if you go to mine, it's-

Starting point is 01:10:14 It is an abortion clinic. Tom records and gives abortions. Guys, it's in Texas. It's not an abortion clinic. Bad example, bad example. It's the dentist's office. But if you go to my place, it's in a house, my tour bus is parked out front, cars are fucking littering the parking lot, the driveway, our dogs are in there, we've got every podcast

Starting point is 01:10:35 studio is in a bedroom, we've got a big office where there's 15 fucking women working, the kitchen is, someone's always cooking, someone's cooking in the kitchen, but that's the way I like to live my life. I like to be like, I like to have fun with it. Everything, I mean, everything should be fun. And if it's not fun, then you really should be doing it. When I did Last Comic Standing 2, I remember getting ready to go to stage,

Starting point is 01:10:55 and I was so nervous. I was so nervous, my ass cheeks were sweating, and they were running down the back of my legs. And I stopped, I was in a stairwell, and I went, this can't be it. If this is what I chose for a living, this is not it. I was like, this cannot, this is not enjoyable,

Starting point is 01:11:13 this is not fun. And I was like, I don't wanna do this if it's not fun. And I went out and I bombed. And I got booted off the show, and I just was like, I'm never doing another competition again. I was like, that's stupid. I was like, I'm just I was like I'm just gonna do the road and I did the road and I loved the road but even like specials can be stressful you know. Sure. Where you're like ugh but then if you do six of them it's not that stressful.

Starting point is 01:11:36 I think I mentioned this to you in Austin but I think you should be like almost like a bar stool. Like if Burt Burt Burt or Bertie Boy Productions or whatever was like a Content house and you put on because you already kind of do you put on a lot of the younger comics you put on a lot Of your friends you're always pumping up other people and like do that for real and like Let me ask you this sorry to interrupt because I like all I do the the the I feel like There's almost like a finite amount of comics that people like. And I know that like Shane and Schultz were probably like a little bit after you guys, so you're not, you guys are different classes or generations.

Starting point is 01:12:15 But for the most part, you guys all are kind of the same, in my mind. Yeah, yeah, I think, I think, I think ultimately we are. But are there, is there somebody right now, I know there's I think ultimately we are but but but are there is there somebody right now? I know there's a bunch of great comics, but is there somebody who's like backfilling? You Shane Schultz, you know, I guess there was enough years in between you guys So maybe I'm answering my own question, but it almost feels like these guys, you know The fans find the podcast that they like they watch the specials They like they all can only spend a certain amount of money and go to a certain amount of shows,

Starting point is 01:12:45 and there's not a new crop of 10 comics coming up that are gonna reach the level you guys are at. Well, I think the new crop is the Kill Tony kids. Yeah, okay, yeah, and he's probably- Well, here's the thing, and I'm looking, I'm speaking a little out of school because it's not my beef to have, but there are comics, there are road comics. So you got New York comics, you got LA comics, then there are comics that are road comics.

Starting point is 01:13:05 So you got New York comics, you got LA comics, then you got comics that live in the center of the country that do the road, living in maybe Atlanta and Nashville, and there are road dogs, like they do the one-nighters at the Funny Bones, and they do the Tribble Runs or whatever, and then you've got the Kill Tony comics who are wildly, I mean, and by the way, there's two crops of Kill Tony comics, in my opinion.

Starting point is 01:13:25 There's the monsters who are legit fucking incredible comedians, and I mean that, like David Lucas, Ari Manti, is that what I'm saying? I think I'm saying Ari Manti, Kam Patterson. Kam and Ari were, Ari's like the Russian type. Yeah, Ari's really talented. Him and Kam at the mothership. I'm not naming everyone and I apologize. I just stopped at those three.

Starting point is 01:13:48 Because I know they're doing a tour called the Killers of Killtoni. And I looked at the lineup and I was like, okay, that's legit. And then you got some lower tier, younger guys that have been doing Killtoni for a year. Or doing stand-up for a year. And they did Killtoni and they pop a little bit. But there's a division between these road guys who don't do kill Tony because they're a little bit past in their opinion kill Tony right you can hear it like I'll work with some of them and they'll just you can hear the bitterness because these kids who are

Starting point is 01:14:16 who've been doing it for a year pop and they've been they're getting the spots they're getting so sick now Cam Patterson is is Cam Cam and Ari both I mean I've know David Lucas very well David Lucas is fucking Hysterical but Cam and and already I mean that it was gonna happen for them whether it was killed Yeah, right right there really and I think can be a real special I don't think he's gonna stand up all that long cam is really The mothership I was in tears man it was he's funny. Did you see that the joke he had about? Being at the Emmett till Memorial he there was an Emmett till exhibit and he was like I was sitting at the summit till exhibit and I saw this

Starting point is 01:14:55 Fat white chick so I figured out holler at her right Emmett would appreciate it Love about cameras his dad He's really close with his dad, and his dad comes with him. When we took him on the road, his dad came out on the road with us. And so you're like, he's a solid kid. And those guys are, you know, blowing up, but are they, you know, some of you guys are putting up fucking, you know, eight, nine figures. Like, is there enough room for more of those,

Starting point is 01:15:22 or do you think almost like a couple of you guys gotta like fully retire before they spend that much money on tickets, and watch all the specials, and download the podcast, you know? you think there's room for more of those or do you think almost like a couple of you guys gotta like fully retire before they spend that much money on tickets and watch all the specials and and download the podcast? You know, I don't know. I mean, I'll tell you, Schultz and Shane are

Starting point is 01:15:37 the I think are probably I'm I I know I'm misspeaking and I Stavi is in that group. Uh Chris Chris DiStefano is in that group. Mm hmm. I don't and I'm only because I've had a drink and I can't remember everyone's name. I don't wanna disrespect anyone. Soder, I think. And not Soder's in that group.

Starting point is 01:15:48 Jay's in that group. But Jay's more my age. But those guys, they just started. And in my opinion. Yeah. They just started. Yeah, like at their age right now is probably when you were doing like Travel Channel

Starting point is 01:16:00 or some shit, right? Oh, bro. You're breaking your back doing Berk the Conqueror or whatever. I don't even think I got in Travel Channel. I think I just I was Shane 32. Uh I think he's my age. He's probably 36. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:10 There's 32. 36. I just had oh at 36. I was not. I was headlining for $1300 a week. Yeah. 36. Like they're so ahead of the game. Yeah. 37. He's so ahead of the game man and by the way, let's be real. He hasn't even started doing movies yet. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:25 Shane is a very talented comedian. Dare I say, he is an even better actor. I mean, he is. Scary. I said it in an interview, I think he read it and texted me and thanked me. I don't know why he thanked me, but I just said, cool, whatever.

Starting point is 01:16:41 I think he's gonna be the best comedic actor of our generation. I absolutely think there's no one that can hold a candle to him. He is so naturally talented. I don't think that's a bold even statement. I think that's like, yeah. I mean, I think, and I love his stand-up. I'll tell you what's crazy. I had never seen his stand-up. All the times I'd worked with him, I was always backstage. So we did Red Rocks, we did the Super Bowl, when we did Fully

Starting point is 01:17:04 Loaded, whenever I took him on the road with me, I was always backstage. So we did Red Rocks, we did the Super Bowl, we did Fully Loaded, whenever I took him on the road with me, I never got to watch his act, because I was always backstage. So I never saw the act outs, the shame-isms, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, behind the back, I never saw. So I saw beautiful dogs, and I knew the material. I was really like, kind of like, yeah, check it out, you know. Give a shout out to my boys on Netflix.

Starting point is 01:17:26 Hey guys, check out my buddies. Woo, streaming number one on Netflix. I was like, wow, that's nice, good job. I was like, oh, oh wait, there's a lot of big shit on Netflix this week, Jesus Christ, hey. But I watched it and I'd never seen it. And I was on my treadmill crying, laughing, going, I've never seen this.

Starting point is 01:17:44 This is why he's Georgia's favorite comedian. Georgia and Isla love Shane. I mean, Shane was the first one to get Georgia to laugh at like inappropriate jokes. Because she was woke. She's not woke anymore. He broke her. But yeah, I think that generation just started. I gonna be real I don't know if I don't I and I apologize if I'm

Starting point is 01:18:11 Saying this Andrew. I don't know if Andrew Schultz has ever done a funny bone Right, like he just kind of skipped it almost right like I if you told me I would bet Whatever my salary is in Vegas that he hasn't done the Omaha funny bone which is like one of the greatest clubs in the country and we're all the spent all of our time I mean honestly the Omaha funny bone is this was this wild like spark stone of everything the fucking greatest funny bones the Dayton funny bone great fucking club I don't think Shane or Andrew has ever had to do morning radio. Like where they get up and they're like, give us five jokes about yourself.

Starting point is 01:18:55 And they dodged a lot of shit that we didn't do. But you know, and I think that's, I look back and I go, yeah I would have loved to have dodged that shit. That's why I think that's, you know, I look back and I go, yeah, I would have loved to have dodged that shit. Yeah. Well, that's why I think- Which is also how they should be looking at you when we started the interview talking about, like, doing new stuff. You're like, yeah, I'm fucking saving your asses, dude.

Starting point is 01:19:13 You guys don't have to do with this fucking- But when people get mad about that, or like, I had to do it so they do too, it's like, no, bro. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's always how it goes. You made it easier for the next people. Dude, you dodged. They are dodging.

Starting point is 01:19:25 Do you know how many of those funny bones ruin marriages? And then Andrew Schultz is gonna have a happy life because he just does arenas now. I mean, it's a beautiful gift to not have to do those funny bones. Now for me, it taught me how to do stand-up. I think I'm a better comic because of those funny bones, because there was no phones.

Starting point is 01:19:44 You could say wild shit, you could do whatever the fuck you wanted, and I learned how to write. I've never, it's the reason I did two hours the other night, having not done standup for nine months, I was like, yeah, fuck it, let's just get up there and write. And whoever I was with was like, do you always write in theaters this big?

Starting point is 01:20:00 And I was like, yeah, I write in arenas. Like, it's because I've been doing it so long yeah so fucking long I mean easy for you yeah when Shane started to a stand-up I mean I was already like 12 years in how did like it's like someone like Shane did you know or like when his controversy happened did you like is that when you connect no no no I knew Shane before. So just from the industry, just like, you know. So I would say, like, you can you can tell someone's funny. You can tell you can tell someone's funny

Starting point is 01:20:31 when they're just funny. And they're like Shane wasn't even that great on stage yet, I don't think. But he was in the green room. Funny person. He was just he is just funny. Yeah, he's just funny. And he was in the green room. We were in Philly. We were doing a call and sick to work show. And he's just like, hey, so He was in the green room. We were in Philly. We were doing a call and sick to work show and

Starting point is 01:20:47 He's just like hey, so uh Her we're drinking today. It's like 10 in the morning. I go. Yeah, let's do sharp fireball shots. He's like, okay So he's telling me a story and he brings mentions his girlfriend Her name is like big tuna and I I said what he was just her nickname and I went no I know that And then he looks at me like, you know in a she a Shane way, and he's like, she's a big girl. And I go, Shane, her nickname's Big June. And I go, I fucking love this kid. I fucking love this kid.

Starting point is 01:21:16 Like he just, and he's a fuck, and Shane will say the exact same thing about me, I promise you, he is the best hang. He's top five, top five best hangs. How many people do you think are out there who are a great hang and are really funny, thing about me I promise you he is the best hang yeah well that's how many people do you think are out there who are a great hang and are really funny who just either don't have the desire or the ability to like harness it and make a stand-up career out of it but are like naturally probably the funniest fucking

Starting point is 01:21:37 people out there oh I know I know ten guys who are probably funnier than any comic greater than any comic and you guys are just the nerds who took the time to write it down and craft A artsy stand-up. They're just fucking funny. My buddy's a funny black guys in a room They're gonna trounce all you guys. You know what I mean? Like I used to say the average black guy is funny Funnier yeah, I think Kyle Canadian had a quote once that I love where he said something to the effect of, every comic is not the funniest in his friend group. And remember that.

Starting point is 01:22:11 Without a doubt. When my friends watch me do stand up, they're kind of like. Yeah, right. And if they're not, they're like not your real friends. So you're saying that, huh? Yeah. My early stand up, I was just stealing phrases

Starting point is 01:22:24 from my friends my entire personality I remember it was one of the things one of the nicknames. I'd call people like doing crowd work was PFT prison fuck toy That's what my buddy Pete Whalen Mean all my friends my friends were my fraternity was possibly the funniest individuals, the hardest I ever laughed. Now I would say, the majority of them would say I was the funniest guy in my fraternity, but I was so much quicker then,

Starting point is 01:22:56 I was so much quicker. The hardest I've ever made anyone laugh. 180 dudes in a room, and we got, I hope I haven't told you this already, and we're doing homecoming. Remember I told you this story? We're doing homecoming with Theta. And my buddy Eddie Fernandez is running the meeting and the president at the time is this

Starting point is 01:23:13 guy named Kurt. And you got three strikes in a chapter meeting before you got kicked out. And usually it's like if you were disruptive, three strikes. So I'm on two strikes already and we haven't even gotten to homecoming. You know a strike's coming. But if you could get them to laugh hard enough, you didn't get a strike. So Eddie brings up a joke or brings up something about theta

Starting point is 01:23:36 and I make a subtle joke, big laugh. Kurt's like, yo, watch it. Eddie says another thing about theta, homecoming. And he goes, hey, that's and he goes hey That's it. Okay, that's it If I hear one more fucking joke about Theta you're out got that and it's quiet And everyone's kind of looking at me and I go To Theta's walk into a bar Booted out. I mean, I remember there was a guy named Jason Filamino

Starting point is 01:24:06 who was jacked and he had tiny legs. And Damien Burdick was walking by, walking by the lounge and he casually hears, I mean it's like the perfect moment. Jason Filamino standing in front of the doors at the lounge as Damon's walking by and Damon goes, Jason goes, yeah man, I work out every day but I can't get my legs to get bigger. And Damien just goes, start putting the needle in your ass.

Starting point is 01:24:27 I mean just the funniest things. I, my friends in my fraternity were like, fucking wild. Yeah, and like they're just not the people who are gonna turn into a career or whatever. But the actual humor. My buddy Eddie Ferdinand is the funniest guy I know. He is the funniest guy I know.

Starting point is 01:24:42 He is the, without a doubt, the funniest guy I know. And unbridled humor. He just, dare I say it made him feel gross to repeat a sentence for a laugh. He just was like, so you do that again? A guy and again and again. You already know it's funny. And I was like, yeah I know, but it's like,

Starting point is 01:25:06 he was just so funny. I get that, but then it's funny. And I was like, yeah, I know, but it's like, he was just so funny. I get that, but then it's also like, a hundred million dollars later, I bet you wish you repeated your jokes, bro. You know what I mean? I mean, I just saw him in West Palm when I was doing whatever thing down there, and you could see he was looking at it like,

Starting point is 01:25:19 so this is what you do, huh? He's like, yeah, eh. But yeah, I think. It's a weird thing with like even with podcasting like you like you'll be like I've said this before I've tweeded Before like you always want to give me which sucks cuz like then it kind of takes some Windows in the sales for the listener, but like I I get that where's like I don't want to say it again without acknowledging I've already I know I've already said this there's I mean there's something inherently phony about if you don't say that It's like, I'll do a video for Instagram,

Starting point is 01:25:46 and now I'm trying to put them on, I'm trying to do like a long form of One Minute Man on YouTube, so it's more like a show. So I still have the same take, you know? And it's like, if you're saying it in a way where you're acting like you haven't said it for the first time, you're lying. You know, and that feels like, ugh, to me, you know?

Starting point is 01:26:03 But that's the part that it's like you are willing to do those awkward Things and to and to work on it and workshop it and that's why you get to be you know who you are because you got To have both you got to like be able to put it all together. You know yeah, I love that one minute man Thank you, man. It's a tiger woods is dating fucking well Vanessa Trump I Saw the tweet I didn't see I was like oh, it's a blonde person. I didn't know it's a Trump his ex-wife Well, it's Don Jr's ex-wife has like five kids with is her no shit I did not I thought just a long girl her daughter their daughter

Starting point is 01:26:36 Plays golf with Sam and Charlie or Charlie woods really they go to like the same school And I guess I guess it had been speculated and and like rumors and shit So he was like I'm getting ahead of it, but it's kind of crazy to announce it and say now respect our privacy Yeah, nobody fucking knew nobody fucking knew and they said love is in the air Which is just a funny like like we've seen the tax tiger. We know what you get down Now you're like you're my you're my soul mates like you you pee on Perkins waitress You're my you're my soul mates like you you pee on Perkins waitress He's the also like the quintessential like he's just so awesome and at the time there was like, you know this scandal And then it's just like now you're awesome, man

Starting point is 01:27:13 You're just a dude who like did live the normal life had regular not normal, but like you were regular guy Yeah, and you're fucking awesome. You know what? You know what? He gives you the hope for just any given Sunday any Sunday. He may come back Yeah, one more time with the masters one more time Yeah, just one more time. Well once he did that I remember being like it's over, bro But then he did win that yeah, and it's like okay now It is it is crazy that it's just like I remember back in like the part of the interruption days when they were they'd be Debating there's like who you taking this weekend Tiger the field and it's like you're just

Starting point is 01:27:41 Tiger or the field is crazy. It's still like yeah I think he tore his ACL or he had some issue Achilles and I remember seeing that tweet and going, he's still got another one. And I'm like, it was you see, it was I think Charlie's son was talking about. They were at the indoor golf stadium and it was his birthday, whatever it was. And and or younger golfer, whatever it was, was like, like when you were my age, like, were you on tour yet or something like that? And, was like, when you were my age, were you on tour yet or something like that?

Starting point is 01:28:07 And he was like, what was that? Yeah, I had won like three masters by the time I was your age. Like, he wasn't doing it in like a cocky way. He was just recounting, like yeah, no, I won like two or three majors by that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know where it was. Yeah, yeah, it's funny, you always wondered what, like the craziest thing in this business

Starting point is 01:28:23 is to watch people blow past you, right? To like, I've watched people dislike me because of it, and then I've watched people celebrate me. And I didn't realize how important the celebration was. Like, and then you watch someone like Shane. Wait, you're saying when you blow by somebody, some people don't like it, but some people also celebrate the fact that you did so.

Starting point is 01:28:41 Some people are like, you know, and I say blow past them. I just mean like do bigger things than they were doing at the time or whatever they did. I can simply say that when Shane started, Shane broke my drink sales in Arizona, which is like, that's, ticket sales are one thing. You break my drinking sales. That hurts.

Starting point is 01:28:58 He texted me, he's like, guess who has a new record. Gotcha, bitch. For the celebrity theater. You guys have a good like magic bird thing going I think. It's like a rivalry but it's friendship. Not even a rivalry, like it's just, it's funny. It's like, it's just, dude, that dude knows I root for him. That guy knows I root for him.

Starting point is 01:29:15 The day he got SNL, the week he got SNL, we were together in Austin. He's like, hey, can I talk to you privately? And I was like, yeah, and we went into a stairwell. Went somewhere and just pulled me to the side. It's like he's coming out the closet and he goes I'm hosting SNL and he saw Genuine love in my eyes for him for him coming back and for him being on top Well of your fact that even thought to pull you aside to tell you that you know Yeah, I was I told the story that when we got the mothership he was talking to James McCann and he was like

Starting point is 01:29:42 This is Kevin from barstool. He does a show with final bird KFC radio They're like they're really good to comics and and James was like coolann and he was like this is Kevin from Barstool he does a show with Fidelberg, KFC radio they're like they're really good to comics and James was like cool cool and he was like no no no like for real those guys put us on a lot of us on when nobody else did. You guys did. But I was like wow thank you for saying that man like it's you know it's very much appreciated to hear that and I think the people people know who are the ones rooting for you and who are the ones who are, you know. You don't know, you don't know.

Starting point is 01:30:08 That's the crazy thing is like, you don't, there's times where you're like, I didn't know we were competing to other people. But then I remember Billy Gardell pulling me aside and going like, hey man, congrats on all your success. This is really special, I hope you're enjoying it. And then I didn't blow past him. He's a TV star, right?

Starting point is 01:30:26 I was having a moment and he meant it. And you don't realize it until you start having people hate your guts. When you start doing better than them, they start hating you and then you're like, oh shit. So the real joy I've had, honestly, is watching someone like Stavi, how did he just have his movie come out?

Starting point is 01:30:41 Absolutely I go to your fucking premiere. There's no way I don't go to your premiere. You're having a premiere in LA, you think I'm not gonna show the fuck up? And to watch Stobby kill it in that movie, that movie's so fucking funny and it is because of him. That's the gift in this business. You think, do you think Joe Rogan's ever been jealous

Starting point is 01:30:58 of anyone? Anything? Do you think Joe Rogan gives a fuck, he is so happy that you are doing well. I've watched him celebrate every single one in his circle. To me, Tommy, Joey, Ari, he celebrates everyone. And then celebrates you back to yourself. That's the energy that's pretty awesome.

Starting point is 01:31:18 I've always like compared, it's Barstool, but it applies to industries and stuff like that where I've always been like, it's just like sports, dude. We're on the same team. I wanna kick the shit out of you in practice, but I want you to be fucking good when we get out there because the better you are, the better this team looks, this industry looks, whatever.

Starting point is 01:31:37 I wanna be the MVP, bud. When it's one on one, I want to win. But when you win, I'm gonna fucking root for you. I'm happy for you. But there's less people like us than there are. Oh, there's way less people like us. Dude, there's so many people. I mean, look, and that's the truth, though.

Starting point is 01:31:49 You can't, like, hate them for it. It's just natural. It happens. Maybe they're, you know, it's like you can't control what someone's dad did to them. And then that's the shit they're dealing with the rest of their fucking life. It just rears its head. As soon as you started saying that, I started thinking, what if Rogan had started a bar stool when he started his podcast?

Starting point is 01:32:09 Dude, I mean, if he owned, but if all of you guys, all those comics that he put on were under his umbrella, forget it, that's what I wanted to do here. I wanted to do that, it didn't end up working, but I was looking at guys like Soder and some of these guys who I think need to even hit the next level, but I was looking at guys like Soder and some of these guys who I think are like need to even hit the next level and I was like I mean I had said I think Soder's I think Soder's gonna be the next one to pop. In my opinion, Dan Soder is... He's the funniest natural funny guy out there.

Starting point is 01:32:34 I think he is. I've been saying that forever. I remember saying I was like, you know, when I didn't have my barstool money I remember being like, oh if I had money now I would like invest in this guy but by the time I have it, you know, it won't be an option. And then, but I, you know, I said to Stefano, I said Shane, I said Soder, and I was like, if all of these guys were barstool guys,

Starting point is 01:32:52 it would have been fucking who knows, you know? You could see it, you could see it. You know, it's so funny, I was scrolling, I was just looking for pictures of when we put Priscilla down. And one of the pictures that showed up was, cause I guess back in the day on Instagram, if you shared a story, it would get saved in your camera roll maybe.

Starting point is 01:33:13 It was a video of Schultz turn it sideways thing. And I was like, if you told me, at that day, right before, I think it was probably the day Priscilla died and I shared it right before, if you told me I could invest in Shultz's career, I would've done it all. If you told me, now I'll tell you,

Starting point is 01:33:28 the only one that snuck up, Shane's career snuck up on me. So I go, this is gonna be, I know how funny he is, but this is gonna be like a long haul. Like this is not, I didn't see it happen in the way it happened. Like I was like, I mean, we knew how funny he was. Like we personally knew how fucking

Starting point is 01:33:46 relentlessly dude with the day the hardest we've laughed in that tour bus is we're watching apocalypto and It's me and me Shane, I think Andrew you and my cameraman John man's and Dave Williamson and John man's my cameraman goes Mans and Dave Williamson. And John Mans, my cameraman, goes, oh, oh, oh, turn off the subtitles. And we're like, what? And he goes, turn off subtitles,

Starting point is 01:34:11 you're not supposed to watch it with subtitles. And Shane goes, you speak ancient Aztec, man? And he goes, you're a meathead, you don't know what you're talking about. This movie was made so you can understand it without subtitles. And Shane goes, no, you don't know what you're talking about, this movie was made so you can understand it without subtitles, and Shane goes, no, you're a fucking idiot, why would they have put subtitles on there if they didn't need them?

Starting point is 01:34:31 And he goes, it's on, and they start fighting over subtitles, so through the whole movie, all, I don't know if Shane watched the movie, all he did was, anytime there was a scene where it was important what they were saying, he goes, man, what are they saying? How the fuck were we supposed to know that his name's Sluber Fox, and this is his jungle, he's hunted and sent to his child, man, what are they saying? How the fuck were we supposed to know that his name's Sluberfarts? And this is his jungle. He's hunted since he's a child.

Starting point is 01:34:48 Man, he's standing there talking. And then Shane goes, that does it, mans. That does it. I'm going on Joe Rogan tomorrow, and I'm calling you a pedophile. And mans goes, you can't do that. That's slander. And he goes, you watch me do it. And Shane goes on Joe Rogan, and he goes, Joe's like, so how you been on the road with Bert? He's like, yeah, it's been great,

Starting point is 01:35:06 except for this one pedophile, John Manz. And Manz is like, and Manz saw it, he got so upset. He's like, he can't, he goes, we need to do a rebuttal video. I go, Manz, it's not real, you're not really a pedophile. That actually makes me scared about Manz. He goes, we need to make a statement? So Manz and I did a rebuttal video to Shane's video.

Starting point is 01:35:28 I mean, Shane would torture John Mans and it would make us laugh. The fucking, the hardest we laughed was, I mean, do you, I remember one time Dave Williamson saying he could pretty much be a Navy SEAL because he played water polo. And Shane, now Shane quit the army. So Shane knows how hard it is and he quit it.

Starting point is 01:35:52 And what he's hearing is I'm tougher than you because I played water polo. And buddy, Shane called a Navy SEAL on FaceTime, said, just take a look at this fat fuck. You think, I mean, he would get on that bus. He made us laugh So hard What was the one what was at the end of apocalypto? They chase running Fox or whatever his name is to the ocean the two Aztecs they finally got their guy He drops to his knees. They're gonna behead him and a ship comes in. Now, anyone else who knows anything about history knows

Starting point is 01:36:26 these are the Spanish colonizers. This is Cortez. And they're about to, all of this society is about to be decimated by smallpox, including Montezuma, all the fucking things. The ship comes in and Dave Williamson goes, oh, pirates. And Shangil has almost jumped out of his fucking seat.

Starting point is 01:36:49 He goes, you ruined a goddamn movie with your stupidity. Fucking pirates, Dave? It's not pirates. Oh my God. Yeah, that guy was singularly the funnest guy on a bus. If it's just the fellas hanging out, there is nobody better, man. Tim Dillon's the best gossip.

Starting point is 01:37:10 I can't do that. Tim Dillon's the best gossip. He's not a great hang on a bus because he doesn't fit in the bunks. I mean, no, lengthwise, lengthwise, lengthwise. For real, lengthwise, he's a large dude, and he just is uncomfortable in the bunks, so he can get hotel rooms every night,

Starting point is 01:37:24 and then sneak out in the morning and go get donuts. Like he can get a dozen donuts first thing in the morning and I think it was two dozen. And he was murdering a dozen. Bring us a dozen. But fucking Tim Dillon is the best. Gossip. Mark Norman is the funnest.

Starting point is 01:37:39 He is the fun, oh my God. Mark Norman, Mark Norman Mark Norman man oh he is because he's when he's not trying to be funny he is so much funnier like he's always funny he's always funny when he's doing like one-liners and I took Mark Norman to Europe with me this is when Mark was very young and he was I don't I don't know if he was selling it I don't even know if he's headlining yet. And man, I put him at my speed, we're at like eye party, and every morning he was coming out with dents all over him.

Starting point is 01:38:11 And all I can say is one morning, he knows the morning I'm talking about, he had me dry heaving, crying, laughing, telling me about his evening. And I have never laughed harder. And a guy, me and him together, we walked into a, we went to a strip club. There's two parts to this story that are so great.

Starting point is 01:38:31 So we go to this first strip club, it's in like Sweden, I think. And we go in and we're like, hey, Mark's like, hey, two, two for us. And the guy's like, ah, no. Mark goes, no. And he goes, no, no. And he goes, no, no. And Mark goes, why not?

Starting point is 01:38:47 And he goes, what are you guys here for? And Mark goes, we're strippers. He goes, no, our girls are looking for more of a commitment. And Mark goes, well, I don't know if I want a commitment. So he turns around and they go, what is it? And he goes, the girls want a commitment. And I go, like what, we gotta sit and watch go, what is it? And he goes, the girls want a commitment. And I go, like what? We gotta sit and watch Game of Thrones with them?

Starting point is 01:39:07 And we started going back and forth volleying. What type of commitments? What type of commitments we want? We couldn't stop laughing. Couldn't stop laughing. Laughed all the way to the next strip club. We sit down in the strip club and Leanne texts. And he goes, hey, what are you gonna do with that?

Starting point is 01:39:20 And I said, I ain't answering it. It's my fucking wife. I text her. I said, hey, I'm with Mark in the strip club. Mark goes, whoa, you gonna say that? And I said, I ain't answering it. It's my fucking wife. I text her, I said, hey, I'm with Mark in the strip club. Mark goes, whoa, you gonna say that? And I was like, yeah. And then she wrote back, are you getting a lap dance?

Starting point is 01:39:31 And I hadn't gotten one, and I wasn't getting one. And so Mark goes, what do you say to that? I wrote, I tell her the truth, I wrote no. And then the bubbles show up on my phone, and it pops and Mark grabs it and he goes, oh, oh, oh, I said what? He goes, she called you a. Dude, Mark Norman, Mark Norman. The bubbles show up on my phone and it pops and Mark grabs it and he goes, Oh, I said what? He goes, she called you a.

Starting point is 01:39:45 Mark Norman, Mark Norman on that trip was just partying his dick off. I remember he ate, he was like, he was like, he had a big bite of a velvet cupcake and I was like, what is it? And he goes, I think it's marijuana. He got man, he's the funnest. Dude, speaking of trips, what is, what's like Amsterdam 2.0? When are we running it back? New city, same city? What are we thinking?

Starting point is 01:40:12 You know, I'm certain I'm going to announce a European leg of this tour. Permission to, pull up my dates. I wonder what dates I have. Permission to party world tour. I got offered Abu Dhabi. It was just the, uh... You got offered Abu Dhabi? Ooh. Well, apparently the permission to party was denied The it was a two-year anniversary of

Starting point is 01:40:32 Amsterdam that popped up like I'm a you know, I saw that whatever and I felt like altogether it felt like much less time But also much more time as well 5k to 5k by May May 4th, right fourth jelly roll, dude That's gonna be massive. Oh, I thought it was in Vegas. You know what? I still don't know what I ran the first time. For real? Yeah. I I'm sure there's a way to find it out but I don't know what my uh. Oh, Great Altours Comedy Festival, Halifax, Spokane, Calgary, Vancouver is uh all in August and September. Those are fun dates but then the tour,

Starting point is 01:41:01 the permission of World Party World Tour starts in Rockford, Illinois September 18th, Milwaukee Oh wait, where's that place? They just changed the name of that place Am I doing a different place than normal in Milwaukee? Yeah, that's probably like where the bucks are now or some shit right like that. Oh shit. I like the other place I was that it was right next to Packer State at Lambeau. Hey, you're gonna stress me out. What's the capacity of this fucking place? I'm looking at it going, god damn it.

Starting point is 01:41:28 I'll tell you what, I'm really happy to do arenas again. God fucking damn it, how big is this guy? 18,000? Hey guys, Shane Gillis is gonna be there with me. By the way, I'll probably be doing lower bowl seating. I can't imagine we're gonna get basketball capacity. Shane Gillis is probably gonna be there with me. Shane Gillis is stopping in. I hope you guys enjoy it. St. Paul, Duluth, Eugene, Oregon, Morris. I'm at Red Rocks October 1st. That's

Starting point is 01:41:58 the fucking show. I don't know who's coming with me to Red Rocks. Man, that's the only thing that sucks about all my friends getting famous. You know who you should put on? Who? Does someone do a stand up? Yeah dude, I've been doing stand up. Are you shitting me? He is fucking funny. Wait, wait, hang on. Have you gone on the road with anyone yet? I've gone on the road with Francis and I did a show, some shows in Austin at Cap City. Francis, man, I think about Francis more than I should You know, I don't ever get in traffic without thinking about Thinking about friends Really good actor go to the grocery store. We were just talking about how you watch white lotus

Starting point is 01:42:44 No seeing it. No, but there's a like a sociopath like creepy weird character and he was like I would be perfect for this role and I was like you would be. He's so good man. He's awesome. Yeah, he put his story was that he did something like he wrote a vlog and got kicked out. There was a story about a girl who had been kidnapped and then her Instagram was active and everyone was like, oh she's alive and the story was like she's a sugar baby and sugar daddy. And so we wrote a blog talking about that and he pressed publish and like two minutes later, they found her remains had been burned. They burned her body. It was like the worst luck ever.

Starting point is 01:43:16 And Dave at the time was like, you know, he was not, Francis wasn't really established. He was taking a lot of heat and he fucking fired it for it. But he made it. You wanna see a bad one? This almost, I almost derailed my career a week ago a Week ago. Yeah, there's nothing I could derail you now. How bad could it have been? It was pretty close So there's a I wish I had my glasses on I could see your readers. Yeah, I don't know

Starting point is 01:43:40 What is him right there with a die coke? Okay, here it is. I'm gonna show you the picture. Okay, don't do not get this on camera so I don't know what was him right there with a Diet Coke? Okay, here it is. I'm gonna show you the picture, okay? Do not get this on camera. So... Magic Johnson posted a picture of him in Hawaii with another couple. That's all I saw. I don't know if my readers are on, I can't read what it is. And all I know is it's very Photoshop-able.

Starting point is 01:44:00 So I cut me and TI and Tiny into that picture right with magic and his wife and And so and it looks real right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so I was like fucking done this kind of looks real So I'm gonna post it so I think I think I sent it to the group and then Pete goes whoa buddy I'd pump the brakes You didn't read the caption did you you? I was like, no. She goes, that friend passed away. I was gonna post it. Imagine if you were just like, look at this funny shit.

Starting point is 01:44:31 Hey, hanging out with the black people. Half of them are dead. There's still one that I was questionable. You've heard of Fat N-Word Season? No. Are you fucking shitting me? It maybe is the greatest. Dude, you know what was a great joke, by the way?

Starting point is 01:44:50 When you just said, does everyone know that the letter B is next to the letter N on the keyboard, and you let it sit, and then when the punchline hit, she was cool, she said, well, let's go with the Escalade. Yeah. You gotta do a little bit of math to figure it out. That was a great joke. The story I left out of there, which I wish I had put in and I didn't think about it,

Starting point is 01:45:07 but it's almost too much to it, is sending text without readers. As I sent a text to Nate Diaz, he was like, yo, you're coming through Stockton. Me and the boys wanna hang out, come through, and whatever, and I just did a voice text. I was like, I have some fucking lootly, and I hit send, and then I read it,

Starting point is 01:45:20 and I went, wait, what did I say? And voice text changed it to, I'm so fucking lonely. What? I can't think of anything worse to say to a guy like Nate Diaz. Nate Diaz is like, all right, I gotta fuck Bert, I guess. I'm not certain, and they've reached out. The company's reached out to me. They're called Fat Fellas on Instagram.

Starting point is 01:45:40 And they've reached out. I don't know, I think they're selling cryptocurrency. But to be honest with you, I'm investing. Because I've drawn so much joy from this. Like the other day, Shaq was like, hey, did you find out what season it is? I said I did, and he goes, don't say it Bert. Dude, I've never. We don't let you that much.

Starting point is 01:46:01 I've never said that full sentence. I've never said it. But. I've never said it but buddy What the day I die on my desk? My last words is yo shut the fuck up All right, I don't know what they do I think it's cryptocurrency but Yeah, boy, but you gotta put my boy on though Wait, but you gotta put my boy on though. Yeah, okay, yeah. The moment I knew that final break was the real deal.

Starting point is 01:46:26 Let's take a look. When's a close date? You don't want to do Red Rocks, that's too much for you. Oh wait, I don't understand. Hang on, are we being serious right now? I'm not gonna open for you. Yeah, no, you are. You are. Hang on, go back to it. You're gonna do it.

Starting point is 01:46:40 Hartford, Connecticut, November 13th. That looks like a good one. You got to do a run. You wanna do that run? By November, you'll good one. You wanna do that run? You wanna do that run? By November, you'll be ready. You wanna do that run? Hang on. November 13th, November 14th, November 15th,

Starting point is 01:46:49 November 16th, we end in Richmond, Virginia. Look, here's the deal, Bert. If you invite me on this, I'm going to come. All right, yeah you are. I do not know if I'm going to do well, so think about that. It's okay. Dude, here's what I'm doing with you real deal. I promise you, they're not coming to see you.

Starting point is 01:47:04 It'll be okay. That's okay They're not coming to see you We were in LA and Michael Turner was was running a show and like texted Fidel Berg and was like do you want to go up and we were like We had some shit to do he was on the fence. He was like, alright fuck it I'll do it we walk in and like within 30 seconds, they like force him on stage. It wasn't like figure it out. We'll set up like when are you going to go? And it was just like put a mic in his hand and he went up and he just smoked it.

Starting point is 01:47:34 And I've been around enough of you guys now to know when you know, it was it was a perfectly normal comedy set that if any of our peers had done it and be like, I don't know, they were up there doing their thing. And it was like within five minutes, he found out about it. We got there and he went up on stage and did it. it'd be like, yeah, I don't know. They were up there doing their thing. And it was like, within five minutes, he found out about it, we got there, and he went up on stage and did it, and I was like, oh, wait a minute, this is not just like a little hobby.

Starting point is 01:47:50 Like, he's doing it for real. Dude. So Hartford, November 13th, Feinberg. What is it, November 13th, 14th, 15th? Hartford, Baltimore, Hershey, Pennsylvania, is that it? I mean, I'm gonna do it. If you're actually invited, I'm gonna do it. There's an official offer. Hartford on the 13th, Baltimore on the 14th, Hershey on the 15th, and November 16th, Richmond, Virginia. It'll be a blast.

Starting point is 01:48:17 Four days. Four days on the bus. Party balls, have a good time. We'll bring, it'll be two comics, it'll be you and another guy, so we'll bring someone adjacent. We should bring Francis too. I was gonna say, we should probably bring Francis because he'd be pissed off if he didn't get a mic. We should bring Francis too. We'll do me, you, and Francis that week. Fuck yeah, dude.

Starting point is 01:48:34 Are you serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ask Francis if he's in. I don't have his number, but yeah, let's do it. Are you serious? It'll be a blast. You'll love it, you'll love it. I will, I'm excited and I will love it.

Starting point is 01:48:43 I'll tell you right now, you could tell Small Stick in the room on stage. That's a bit. I mean it's a bit. When I heard it, I mean it's something that lives rent-free in my head. We did the smallest dick on the boat competition for our cruise. I told you that, right? Did you see it? No, I don't think I knew that. Pull up the dick. Pull up the dick. We did it. We did it. And we said I'd give $5,000 to anyone who's got the smallest dick in the world. How small was it?

Starting point is 01:49:07 You'll see it in two seconds. Like micro or like just small? It was pretty bad. It was pretty bad. We were talking about with Frankie Burelli. You know this, but the second half of that story now is that, so we told that story a million times and we did a show in Buffalo.

Starting point is 01:49:21 Oh right, right. And they came, because that's where, it was the event took place in Buffalo the first, right, right. And they came, because that's where the event took place in Buffalo the first time around, so they're from the area. They came, and they showed us a picture. Bro. It's not a regular dick, Bert. It's a big dick.

Starting point is 01:49:33 Not only was it not small, I was like, if you guys consider this a small dick, you all have hammers. It was like, I was like, I'm jealous of this guy's dick. And he's the who's got smaller guy Which I don't know if that kills the story Yeah, it almost makes me think it's like the only reason this guy was willing to be like look at my small dick is Because it was like five inches soft In the port of the in the original story. I was taking a piss so I like never really turned around I never saw anyone's dick and by the time I was done. They were still pants down, but I wasn't you know

Starting point is 01:50:03 I wasn't like yeah, let me get a good look at that guy. I was just kind of walking out of the fracas. 100 miles away. I was talking to Shaq. I was talking about stage the other day. I was like, wait, have you ever gotten your whole dick in someone? And you could see he didn't realize that was a thing.

Starting point is 01:50:20 Right, he was like, what do you mean? Your whole dick goes in? I only get like a quarter. And then I was like, Shaq, I go like pubis to pubis. Yeah. I get all the way in. And he was like, what? Hold on.

Starting point is 01:50:31 And he like, I don't even know how some of this guys come. He put his back on the idea. He was like, wait, your whole dick goes in? You see the video, it's on his podcast. He just did a podcast. And he's, you can see that he doesn't realize that like, that dicks come smaller

Starting point is 01:50:45 and that you can put the whole thing in and that it disappears in a vagina. And it's just Shaq going like, yeah. And then me and his co-host are sitting there laughing going, you know Shaq, ours go all the way in. Shaq, what do you think the phrase balls deep? You know when those They I don't think their dick gets fully hard

Starting point is 01:51:15 Yeah, I think they have to hold it and and use like their hands almost I just I don't know how black That's why these guys even come we like this is even enough to get you off when I was in high school There was a kid who was a prince, I believe, in Africa. And he was very tall. He was like center on the basketball team, all this stuff. And there was a rumor, I'm sure it's not true, but I don't know one way or the other, that if he got fully hard, he would pass out. Because he lost too much blood.

Starting point is 01:51:40 Yeah. Was it Shaq that was saying that his fingers tingle? I don't know. Francis, it's Bert Kreischer. Listen, I have an offer, a firm offer. November 13th, Hartford, Connecticut. November 14th, Baltimore, Missouri. Maryland.

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Starting point is 01:54:22 It's probably because we're all just consuming. Yeah. Yeah, but like so what? Right. Oh, what's the thing? Like our grandfather's consumed asbestos our fathers consumed lead We will consume plastic and then our kids will consume something like titanium or some shit. Yeah, whatever it is Coke so Like it's like it talks you know that just balances out well I don't do coke so I can use whatever glass I want I like that I like that do whatever you want go well I don't do yeah yeah I mean I fucked that guy but like I don't do coke yeah like I killed that person but I don't do coke

Starting point is 01:55:03 everyone has their vices and like coke isn't one of them for me. But you don't get credit for that because you want it to be one of your vices. No, but I like don't like. I did, I watched Jackie get offered coke the other weekend and her turn to be down. But it's by, it was by a guy.

Starting point is 01:55:17 I heard about this. Yeah, she's mad that it was from Pat and not like a hot guy. She wants a hot guy to be like, I wanna do coke with you. No, that's okay. But you want the offer. Yeah. I wanna be up with you until six a hot guy. She wants a hot guy to be like, I wanna do coke with you. No, that's okay. But you want the offer. I wanna be up with you until 6 a.m.

Starting point is 01:55:30 Unable to get hard. Just rambling, if that's okay with you. Is that something you're interested in? I wanna talk at you for a good five hours. Disappoint you sexually. Does that sound fun? You know how everyone, like all girls post like, this and yap. Like, you know, like it's like a'm fun. You know everyone like put like all girls post like this in the app like yeah

Starting point is 01:55:46 You know like it's like a martini and like yeah, but I've I've always wanted to be like I'm not gonna this it cuz like you Talk a lot Have you ever done coke yeah? But like but like you're just not you don't have the coke aura like like let's go to the bathroom And you want to be that gross. I just, it's just like whenever I wake up I'm like, that was weird. Like the more I talk, the more I say stuff that I shouldn't say. And so then it's like I have to reduce that.

Starting point is 01:56:18 Oh and that's, cocaine's not gonna help back. Coke, I never understood how like people got addicted to cocaine. Where like, like the day after I was never like, let's get some more Coke. Like I was like, with drinking I'd be like, you want to get a beer? I think you power through that. Well that's probably true too.

Starting point is 01:56:35 Everyone has their thing that really jumps out at them. But I think it's when you get past that and then you need it. Not want it, you need it. I don't necessarily want to put it on blast, but Kelly Keegs had maybe the all time best line about cocaine ever. I want it you need it. I don't I don't necessarily want to put her on blast but But Kelly Keeks had maybe the all-time best line about cocaine ever Well, we were coming back from the funeral a couple months ago, and and I don't even remember why we were talking about coke Oh, she was just talking about how like she gets hate online and someone was like you're like a coke or yeah

Starting point is 01:57:01 Yeah And she was like I don't even fucking do Coke anymore. And everyone kind of laughed. And then she was just looking out the window, and I swear to God she would've said it if there was no one in the car. She goes, I mean the only reason I stopped was because I fended all the migraines, but I don't do it anymore.

Starting point is 01:57:12 I remember when she stopped and she was like, I would just get such bad migraines. I don't even know, that's never a side effect I've heard of it, but. Yeah, I mean Like really hungover the next day like yeah the crash maybe it's not a migraine Yeah, the come down is it that's just a man versus a woman like I've never set up my Holes getting drilled in my head this goes back to the conversation last week's like men are such bitches like when was last time a Guy has been like I have a nervous stomach ache

Starting point is 01:57:47 Literally every single day of a girl's existence that's not true. Yes, it fucking is That's not true I would say that the amount of times that a girl talks about our headache or stomach ache compared to men is like 100 to 1 Yeah, cuz you're bitches I don't have I don't have have the mental fortitude to fight you on this. Well, that's also because you're a girl. Are we doing the podcast right now?

Starting point is 01:58:10 I don't really know. We're going. Yeah, no, we're going. We've been going. I don't know if I've been in podcast mode. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:58:18 I thought we were just here chatting. Ain't that a podcast, bro? Isn't that a podcast? Did we catch the coffee stuff? Uh, yeah. Yeah. Alright, this is all going in. I feel like we all talked about us doing coke. You guys talked about you doing coke.

Starting point is 01:58:36 Yeah, I know. I don't think it's the first time I've done cocaine before. I'm cool. I've done it. Have you done coke? You guys have never done it? I've never done it. You've actually never done it? I've never, no, no, no. I have, I just, not out of any, I don't have the interest in it.

Starting point is 01:58:52 I mean, I just count on my hands at times. That done it. The, like, what I think is the appeal for people is the exact opposite of like, you can stay out later, you can keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanna check out. But like, in your 20s. Yeah

Starting point is 01:59:07 You know maybe maybe I should have gave it a whirl But I usually was like when my I also just drank like I would drink until I Stopped until I went to sleep like I you know what I mean? Yeah, like I never really we've got the bars of 4 a.m I'm still drinking. Yeah, no, I really But then you go to sleep at 4 a.m. I'm still drinking. Yeah, no But then you go to sleep at 8 a.m. That's what I mean I have no interest in for a like, you know when people say there's nothing good happens after 2 a.m That's not true some fun shit can happen to the floor Nothing good happens from 4 to 8

Starting point is 01:59:41 No, I got some fun stories Nothing good No, I got some fun stories. Okay, okay, I'll do this nothing good That occurs from four to eight can't be done from two to four But it didn't happen. So we got to extend the game, right? It's like fouls. Yeah, but that's what I mean Crazies happen. No, no keep the fucking game going My point is that is that you're you're You're gonna go have like a 15 hour night Because like if you know the nights ending at 2 or 4 you get that shit done if you know you have four extra hours Of coke hours like you won't do those things until 4 a.m.

Starting point is 02:00:16 No, it's one of those things like they just about naturally like yeah, cuz it's the same thing It's like after midnight like why didn't you do it from? Yeah, you have to tend to you keep knocking it back because these are fucking the witching out And this is and that's the only thing I will say is I've never had like true degen moments like that where you're like It's you and a couple strangers, you know Coming up through the window coming up through the window. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:00:43 Did he call him now? It's the day. He's bringing his kids to school. He'll come by after. Yeah. Wait, yeah, I don't really think I'm. That tackle was on the way up. I think I have to stay down to like six max.

Starting point is 02:01:01 But now you're making me feel like FOMO for that. Yeah, you should have FOMO. No, you should have FOMO. If you haven't had like three day vendors, you should have FOMO. No, but did you're making me feel like FOMO for that. Yeah, you should have FOMO. You should have FOMO. If you haven't had like three day benders, you should have FOMO. Did you see? Oh fuck, who's the comedian's name? Damn it, I wish I could remember so I could give him credit. He's a British guy. I think he was talking to Daniel Sloss. One of those, you know, there's that British crew, guys. Scottish. Scottish, yeah. And he was just like the three-day bender is The key to life. Yeah, have you seen that? I've seen that. Yes One you wake up you're hungover and

Starting point is 02:01:38 Like you you know you power through you rally the troops and like day two It's like when the real all-stars come out like a day three like you've earned it. You know, it was just poetic I was like I like I like never really miss drinking like hard and did that make you miss it? Yeah When you're talking about like with like if you're like dude the chicks are no I'll give a fuck if you're talking like the boys hunkering down getting in a foxhole on the weekend. Yeah I miss that. That was the only time really, really don't miss partying. I just, it's not, I can still do most of the stuff that I, it's not that the partying I still do is the stuff I wanna do.

Starting point is 02:02:15 I'll go out, we have some drinks, we hang out, we have some laughs, and then I go home. I'm good, I don't need to fuck anybody, I need to party all night long. But that, the one thing that I do miss is that. I remember like- The rot? What? The rot? No, not the rot, the camaraderie. No, the refusal to accept the rot.. But that, the one thing that I do miss is that. I remember like- The rot? What?

Starting point is 02:02:26 The rot? No. No, not the rot. The camaraderie. The refusal to accept the rot. Yeah, yeah. Like fighting it off. We're fighting the rot, dude.

Starting point is 02:02:32 Like, how do we keep the rot away? Let's get some beers. Let's get a bag. Let's walk and go. Hair in the dog. Yes, yes. I remember Hoboken St. Patrick's Day was always the big day and we would start at six in the morning.

Starting point is 02:02:43 And I remember, or maybe we would wake up at six and so you know waiting for the party to start like eight and we're all up and like one of my buddies was cooking up breakfast sandwiches at like 6 a.m. like we're you know we're cooking rations to go to war. Yeah. Have you eaten? Have you eaten? Like here, take this, like a mother helping everyone out. Like get your armor on, get ready, get your belly full because we're going to war. I do like fueling, like I'm about to run a marathon. Like I get my electrolytes and I get my carbs

Starting point is 02:03:14 and I get my fucking, like. It feels, it's like gladiators walking out of the tunnel. Yes. We ready. We ready. And like remember in Amsterdam, we were just talking about this recently, Bert, Bert's on the show today and he texted us a picture out of nowhere of the Amsterdam trip. And there's a picture of all of us out on the street at like 1am of the whole gang.

Starting point is 02:03:41 And it was it was right after the comedian Mark Smalls like re-emerged. He had too much mushrooms and smoked too much earlier in the day and was down for the count. Probably went home at like 1 p.m. right? Like he was like afternoon down for the count. We were like all right like Mark's done for like the trip. And we stumble out of like the sex show or whatever it was and then he just sidled back up like into the crowd of us. Like we were kind of all walking on the street and he just like reappeared and was in the group. And it was like, wait, Mark's back.

Starting point is 02:04:15 Mark's back. And it was like this eruption of like, he's alive and he's here and he's ready to party again. That sort of stuff is, and you can only get that by being like an idiot drunk, you know? You can't replicate that in any other way. I can go out and share some laughs and shit and be sober or whatever, but like, that you can't get.

Starting point is 02:04:34 Yeah, no, I get that at wah-wah. Our veterans listening might disagree, but like, it is like, we went to fucking war like how do we survive? Yeah, like literally? This guy's injured this guy should have got arrested this guy's lost this guy You know he showed up in those shoes like whatever it is like we survived a war How the fuck did we live? What do it again Man I was wondering, like, I know this is kind of over exaggerated because people still do

Starting point is 02:05:10 drink, but those stats about like the younger generation not drinking are crazy. Right. It's like down 70% or whatever. And my kids are so young. So I who knows what my kids will be like. Also that those that I'm sure right. Like everything with polls and stats. I'm always like, we asked a thousand people. Yeah, that's a lot of people.

Starting point is 02:05:28 So, but like I walk around the West Village, East Village, they're drinking. Yeah, everyone's drinking every bar. But I wonder if there's going to be like, yeah, teenage drinking as much. I don't know. There's underage drinking that. Yeah, I that's what I'm wondering. Yeah. No.

Starting point is 02:05:41 Also somebody said the other day, was it on the pod? I think it was here that those stats are including underage kids. Well, yeah. They're the young generation. I mean, I guess if they're comparing apples to apples, when we were that age versus they're that age. But they weren't running these studies

Starting point is 02:05:59 back when we were that age. Right. Or at least no one was asking me. Right. I'm sure no one was asking my parents. Right. Out of the 1,000 people asked, they weren't in my town good all thousand would be like but I'm just like I mean I guess this is a silly thought because

Starting point is 02:06:11 they're eight and nine so who fucking knows but I could see both of them growing up to be like like we're not breaking the rules we don't do that yeah I mean maybe they will be you know I mean but I remember it's actually funny this is all coming up because I was talking to my mom this weekend and my cousin had gone, she'd gone like her first official college visit or whatever. And I was like, just talking about my uncle. And I was like, do you think they're, do you think that they think like she went and had some pizza in the library? Or like, do you think like they think she went to party?

Starting point is 02:06:43 And my mom was like, they probably know. and we got into a larger discussion about like my childhood And I was talking about like I said the first time I got caught having a party and I was like why? Were you guys so surprised like they were like I was like I just remember getting yelled at by you and being like why? Are they surprised by this? It's all anyone in my family talks about like Not not all we do all is an exaggeration obviously But like our families are kind of similar and that's like all of the best all the fun stories Are about learning drink high school partying and stuff like that I was like I was like yeah, and not because my you know all my siblings got caught having parties

Starting point is 02:07:19 And I was like yeah, we all Wanted some of that in our I mean down to like the Irish wakes and the wedding, even the family events. Like you guys are all getting fucked up. If you wanted to be mad. Sure. Be mad that I lied and all that stuff. But why the fuck are you surprised by this? Was it the drinking that they're mad at or you threw a party in their manner? That's a great question.

Starting point is 02:07:39 That's what she specified that I was supposed to be staying at my grandfather's house. It was because I went to a different high school. I didn't have February vacation, and my whole family took February vacation, and they went up to Canada, they went skiing or whatever. Oh, Polly, that's on you. I mean, what did you expect the guy to do? I do, it was actually-

Starting point is 02:07:56 Just go sit with his grandfather? I was fucking, I was having a multi-day party at my house, but was going home to my grandfather's after school and like I was just letting people live in the house like I was just like you guys can stay I caught is my aunt showed up and my friends were just there playing video games I don't like when they check the mail and she's like, why are you guys here playing video? Cuz they were all on spring or all over vacation. So they didn't have school squatters. I would go to class It was like college. I would go to class

Starting point is 02:08:25 I'll see you when I come back fucking party That's another thing I missed is the like Like I'm going to class and I'll be back like you guys are drinking I gotta go to do this thing for like one hour do not let this stop while I'm going right and like and I come Back I'll catch up. You know I I mean? Rip like three shots and I'm right back in there. And that right around now, it's still a little bit early, but like right around now is like that first day when it's like 60 degrees and everyone just

Starting point is 02:08:53 goes outside and drinks. Those moments you can't really keep in touch. I remember one time I had like a, it was a one hour class and I called my friends like after, be like, hey, where are you guys at? Three of them were in the hospital. I was like, what? One hour class. of them were in the hospital. I was like The like stove was on

Starting point is 02:09:15 Like so I came back to the apartment and like it smelled completely like gas And so I was like what the fuck happened and like we had everyone had pregame there And so then three of them ended up in the hospital But turns out that it thins your blood when the gas is on So it it said everyone is a hyper Like before like a pregame Trick for you Give yourself fucking carbon monoxide poisoning. You get fucked up pretty quick.

Starting point is 02:09:50 We don't have serious conversations being like, if we do it right, like if we have the right amount of gas, we will have the perfect drunk for almost no cost. Just like Huffin' Propane or whatever it is. That's hilarious. That's very funny. Oh god I miss it. Did you guys ever sneak out of your house?

Starting point is 02:10:09 I never did that. I wish I did that. I was very much, again, because of a weird high school situation. You would tell them about your own. It would be like, if I went to a party, I was gone for the weekend. It wasn't a lot of sneaking out for a few hours coming back so like we were also just like allowed what my parents were doing so we were just like at a bar on a Monday night like what did they think I was doing a bar on a Monday night is what it was

Starting point is 02:10:41 $10 well you can drink the best it was summertime so like that kind of counts, but like Just like hanging out at someone's house, I guess I guess that's what I said I don't really I don't even think I had to lie I think I just like went and came in when does I want it? I was like I didn't have parents. Yeah, I have a family. I'm an orphan. What's going on right now I remember like like that Mattly so what'd you do last night like again? I'd be gone for the weekend so I call him like driving home on Sunday and they're like what'd you do last night and it would almost it would be like one of those like Watch the movie

Starting point is 02:11:13 And then they were like a pause like okay. What's up this week? What I don't get is like Like your parents knew that this cousin went to visit schools and Polly and your dad are sitting there going oh yeah like she partied all weekend right so what you know that about other kids but when it's your kids use you like and don't put the blinders on your kids to do like I don't know I got I've again I think about it getting older I'm like if I had kids like I would want them to be popular and you invited the parties and go to parties parties I do you know you

Starting point is 02:11:51 tell him like be safe and all that good shit but like yeah if you're not getting the word parties then we have to have a talk I really like I just know I'm gonna have weird kids I just have like a bad feeling and I'm already kind of like, guys, you're bumming me out. Come on. Jackie's non-existent boring kids are dragging her down. If you guys just do coke, like I don't do coke, but like, do's I say not as I do?

Starting point is 02:12:19 I don't know. The exact opposite of do's I say not as I do, the polar opposite of what people want. I always remember that phone call with my mom when we were talking about drugs or something. And it was like, I honestly forget what we were talking about. But she was like, she said something like,

Starting point is 02:12:39 she listed three drugs. It was heroin, something, and coke. Oh wow. And then she was like, it was like bad and coke and then and she and then she was like it was like bad drugs or hard drugs or whatever and then she was like I don't even know what they're like like heroin or meth or anything I was like coke noticeably absent she's like all right move up then I said that I woke up this or like on Saturday morning and like I had first of all just like a slew of random numbers like I don't know

Starting point is 02:13:10 But one of them was just crack pipe girl and then he sends an address and I was like and I was so hung over And I was like did I do crack? But and then and then another one just says bathroom Riz You're texting these to people like Jackie is Fucking in the back like I eventually remembered all of them and they all had very piece GPC Backings to them, but there was a moment of panic like seriously. Did I suck some guys took in the bathroom? Did I do crack? Was it the same? Did I do both of those at the same time?

Starting point is 02:13:48 Did you hear the story about that teacher who had the gangbang with her students? No Fucking bonkers dude She had middle school students Brought them over Gave them mushrooms And then had an orgy where she made them wear the mask from scream What?

Starting point is 02:14:04 What? God. What? You're thinking just how lucky you are to not have like perverse desires like that. Like I wanna fuck a couple 12 year olds in a Scream mask. Yeah. If like, what's your thing? My thing is fucking 11 year olds in a Scream mask.

Starting point is 02:14:18 Well that was the thing, dude. And I know. You'd be like, bro, what? She gave them all peanut butter sandwiches and like drug them with the mushrooms And then fucked them all and I know when it's well people I gotta give her credit They might peanut butter sandwich is how you eat mushrooms, so she was delivering it Yeah, yeah, yeah, but she was doing it to 13 year old yeah I didn't say the whole thing was right. I said that part was right the peanut butter sandwiches was weird at first and I was like, oh, yeah, that's right. That's mushrooms. She she

Starting point is 02:14:49 What you know, everyone kind of makes fun makes jokes when it's a female teacher and boys, you know, and I get that I'm not gonna be like a loser over it downer but like this is kind of crazy Like certain people in my comments were like, lucky and like, which is fine, whatever. But then there were people like, how old were they? Like, they left that out. Like, that's a key piece of evidence. Like, were they like, high school, like, were they, you know,

Starting point is 02:15:12 18, were they seniors? And I was like, they were in middle school. There's your answer. Yeah. Like, 11 to 13. How about now, dickhead? Bro, if I was, if my teacher in middle school was banging me, I would have to fake cum so much

Starting point is 02:15:30 You know I mean like Yeah, I hadn't hit puberty yet. So like You're a little boy fucking. I've fake cum as an adult. I would have had to fake cum as a child They're like, ah, I'm done. I don't even know if I would know how to fake cum at that point I wouldn't know. I just be like, is this, is this, is this, am I doing it right? Is it over now? I think I finished. Is it over? I'm about tired now. I think I'm good. Fucking sickening. And then the husband, the husband went to the kids and said, if you guys say anything,

Starting point is 02:15:59 I will slaughter you. This might be like as bad as it fucking gets. Totally. He was in on it. He was not on it? He was not doing anything, but he was like, don't go public with this. And then she, when she got caught, her reasoning was she said, if I was 150 pounds or heavier, I wouldn't have done it.

Starting point is 02:16:19 So basically she was like, I'm not fat anymore, so I'm fucking these kids. If I was an ugly broad, I wouldn't fuck these children. Wait, wait, wait. One of the most insane stories of all time. Dude, that's... the husband too, like, Defending it, being like, If I lose the $40,000 a year in my middle school

Starting point is 02:16:34 right, yeah. I'm out of house and home. Bro, you better shut your fucking mouth. I got sugar mama over here. She provides the mushrooms, the peanut butter, and the masks. I think I can afford that shit on my own. That woman is like an absolute fucking scum. Wait, I'm not really following her logic.

Starting point is 02:16:52 It might have been the opposite. She might have been a pedophile, so there's not going to be a ton of logic. But her mushroom logic is good. The mushroom logic is out. We've got to give her credit, right? It's a much much It was like if I was 150 pounds or more I I Would you know Indiana? Yeah, so she was 31 And it was like let me find the exact quote She blamed it on her 150 pound weight loss. Being like I'm on a shit.

Starting point is 02:17:25 I think so. So I gotta fuck kids. You know, everyone wants to go through a weight loss transformation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I respect her trying to make it empowering. Not quite yet. She had like a stripper pole and sex toys at the house.

Starting point is 02:17:41 Yeah, she said, she told police she regretted shedding 150 pounds in weight saying she would have acted differently if she was still heavier. Listen, I'm not fat anymore, I can't be held responsible. At least there's a defense. She regrets losing the weight. Not fucking the kids. If only I didn't get that George Foreman grill. RIP to a legend, man.

Starting point is 02:18:06 You know, he was making $8 million, what was it? $8 million a month at its peak. Really? Mm-hmm. I was a George Foreman guy. Dude, I think everybody, like everybody in our generation was. I was whipping up burgers on the George Foreman all the time.

Starting point is 02:18:19 Dogs? I was cooking dogs in college. I would double cheese it. Double cheese it? I would put the cold fucking, I'd make a mess of it. I was gonna say, you'd put the cheese on the grill? She would be furious. I'd put it on with the patty, like raw,

Starting point is 02:18:34 and I'd cook, and then I would lift it up, and it would be cheese everywhere, and I'd throw another slice on, cook some more. And then. This is how a retarded kid would use a George Worman grill. And then I would fucking just stab it with you know that thing that had like the prongs so you could clean it and I was like fucking jawed away at it because the cheese would harden while I ate my sandwich. Fucking grilled cheese.

Starting point is 02:18:57 I would just come home every day and be like what are you doing? Relax it's better this way. It's healthy. Do you know what that is? Yeah. I didn't know that's healthy. Do you know what that is? Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, I mean, that's a little that's not crazy. It was from like the 90s. We're still kicking good for him. The office. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:19:16 The office. Yeah. Oh, I mean, he was a two-time heavyweight champion, fought Muhammad Ali, fought Joe Frazier all that shit He's the girl guy like yeah, the George Foreman grill is his jam. Oh, that's not how I pictured him looking he He Sold the rights like he finally he was like he had like a revenue deal He was getting 40% of every grill sold out of speak and then he just sold

Starting point is 02:19:42 Just sold like you can use my name and all that shit for 200 200 million really it's like 180 something like that you just boom give me a lump sum so no you just died like that oh damn it and fun little fact he has I think 12 kids five sons named George. George. And then one daughter Georgina. Yes, someone named Georgina. But he named, like, it's George the first, George the second, George the third, George the fourth. They're not in different generations. I mean, I guess they still are, first, second, third, fourth, but like, they're just all... How do you think he calls out his kids in the house? They're all, Cause they all also have the same middle name.

Starting point is 02:20:26 It's like George Michael Foreman. The first. George Michael Foreman the second. So I don't know what he does. He's gotta call them like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Junior third. Junior probably is the first one. So there's probably like George, Junior, Tripp, Quattro. I like G3.

Starting point is 02:20:44 Wait is that what Tripp is Quatro I like G3 Wait is that what Tripp is short for? Yeah, the third triplet Never knew it I just thought Tripp was the name Yeah, no I have a buddy who's having a son Had a son

Starting point is 02:20:55 And he's the fourth And I'm gonna call him Quatro That's awesome This motherfucker, we've called him VJC3 his whole life And his dad's VJC2 And he found out he was having a a boy or didn't find out he was having a boy till he was born But I was like if it's a boy and he was like I don't really know Fuck out of here. He's the guy you're gonna start the blind line now When you when you have a chance to take it to four it's over

Starting point is 02:21:18 Yeah, you could maybe break it at if you're a junior. You don't want to go three once. It's four Yeah, it's going it's going to 30 if that guy keeps having boys if that it's gonna go to you know BJC 40 it's this it's a Starbucks line I'm not gonna pay for that person behind me right stop it now national news dude I am NOT no different middle name I don't know if someone called me junior don't you dare but I've never been called it or anything like that like I guess it does have to be the full full name to be an official junior third yeah junior I do find demeaning like I wouldn't go as far to be one of those guys.

Starting point is 02:22:05 Have you ever seen the people who call themselves the second instead of Junior? No. There's people who put like two. Oh, yeah. I just never say it out loud. I honestly, once I get to your name, I don't read the last. I don't care if you're a doctor, a dentist, the third, whatever. What's your fucking name?

Starting point is 02:22:19 But I wouldn't mind being like Kevin Junior. I wouldn't like somebody calling me just Junior, unless I'm like Ken Griffey. See, I think that I don't. Because of that? I don't think I have a negative connotation of it because my first introduction was Ken Griffey Jr. and everyone called him Junior.

Starting point is 02:22:35 And I was like, well, he's the man. So can't be anything wrong with that name. I know a guy who calls his son Junior and he's not a Junior. He just has a different name, but he calls his son Junior. like guess what that's gonna confuse the fuck your kid included he's not gonna understand what the fuck is going on he's I think he treats it like you know sport like a little guy yeah junior like that's not how this no no it's not just like that's just a that's a demeaning I've always wanted to name

Starting point is 02:23:00 my son Jax but like I can't do that because like it's just weird to name You could name him like Jackson and then call him Jackson for short. I bet I want Jackson's Sorry, it's Jackson's Billy Have you seen The empty foodie boys these days. No, they're feeling themselves Chubb pert and put up a 20 Chubb Pertton put up a 20 scroll carousel of just like life, you know? And it had like some like ASAP Ferg song and like he's got his big baggy jeans on. They're kind of like, you know, they're probably about to like hit high school. Like even just in the time that they've been famous, they look a little less like

Starting point is 02:23:40 chubby little kids. Yeah, you know, boys, you know, these guys are gonna be a fucking problem. They were like, oh my god chub perm with those like purple cheetah print jankos yeah my man is there's another guy at the school now called slim perm there's chub perm and slim perm and they're like eating at the cafeteria like yo how's that fucking blah blah blah just slim perm and they're like acting all cocky and shit I was like these kids are either gonna be awesome or insufferable but yeah they're not I mean can you imagine like if you're like in fucking eighth grade whatever they are and you

Starting point is 02:24:14 have like anything that makes you a little bit popular you're like the man yeah these guys what are they supposed to do fight them all with a stick unfortunately I think that middle school peaking in middle school gives you a bad... Rest of your life. Well, just a lot of kids who I know, at least in my middle school, who were cool then, were not cool in high school.

Starting point is 02:24:35 Yeah, yeah, that's usually how it goes. But they're doing it in a way that's kind of endearing. I would disagree with that. He's like, wait, what? I think, again again different high school, but I think my middle school friends were like cool in high school. I think I Think I know Thank God I didn't peek it like some guys goes to high school, but I'm I think it's usually after that I think I disagree with that stereotype as a whole. I think that stereotypes crazy.

Starting point is 02:25:06 I mean, I definitely know of it. I think there's also plenty examples of like, if you're the cool, popular kid, you have confidence and you like carry that through your whole life. You always see it like the guy in the varsity jacket who's like drunk at the bar. I'm sure it happens, but I think a majority of people who are cool or popular in high school or middle school

Starting point is 02:25:23 go on to because you have social skills and like... Well, but that's the thing. I don't know. I think there's two ways that that can unfold. I think you can be the popular kid because like I actually think really the most popular kids despite like movie tropes and TV series and shit are usually like the nice kids. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:25:42 You know? Yeah. And so you do have like personal skills. you're like the class president or something, you like do activities, so you like do have social skills. I think if you're just like I'm the man because I'm the quarterback, and you don't ever develop any of those things, then when you're not, like then you go to college

Starting point is 02:25:57 and you're not the man, or you grow up and you're like, I just, I'm used to people liking me. Those are the people who I think become the bums but Those are not as prevalent as I think you would think Yeah, even like the quarterback is like probably good at school and all these other things It's very I think it's pretty rare to have like the one-trick pony I was gonna say I totally agree with that too I think like that the only time I see it not be the case is middle school to high school

Starting point is 02:26:21 But then I think like if you're cool in high school, then that confidence carries on with you. That's why it's such a, like, even with Keegan now, I'm like, we're playing sports, you know? And I remember when I was playing sports, I was always kind of the kid who was like, do what the coach says and do the right thing and make the extra pass and hustle. And I'm like, go chuck it up there, bro, fuck it.

Starting point is 02:26:43 Yeah, but, see? Be that that guy I would disagree with that. I would say if I like thinking back for me I would always be like Do whatever but understand how that affects the game like I've been thinking about that watching like sports lately where it's just like oh Do winning that 50-50 battle was mad massive yeah right like getting that rebound was fucking but here's my point is like what you're saying is true and that's why I used to do those things but at the end of the day I peeked at like division 9 basketball in high school 2 and 18 yeah like, so who fucking cares? And had I had more fun and had a couple more highlights and you know, a 30 point game and like these things, I would remember,

Starting point is 02:27:34 like I think that would affect me now more so than like I won that 50 50 battle of these in this league that didn't matter. You know what I mean? Kind of, I don't know. I, I, like when you accept the fact that nobody's like going to college to play no one's going pro yeah then did you think you were going pro no dude I was hot yeah I was like one month before college I played college basketball I was like dude I probably spend like six months there transfer to a division one school probably gonna grow two to three

Starting point is 02:28:08 inches and in college I just started talking like you're you're you're probably 75% of the way closer than the rest of the world even just playing whatever college you played in so like at least there's a shred of possibility there but you guys are idiots. Like so incredibly stupid. Yeah. But there was it like, I was probably like 17 when I was like, this might not work out. I mean I never, I never even, I don't think I even had it when I was like seven. The most like the most probably silly I ever was at sports was I had jump souls. I had those shoes where you walk on your toes to try to like jump high because I want to dunk. And I guess I guess looking back my goal was just to try to dunk,

Starting point is 02:29:00 which I think is an admirable admirable goal. Like but I never was like, I'm working out and training so I can be a professional athlete. I feel like we were playing. Look at your parents. Look at what? No, it's not happening. But wait, first of all, it was hockey,

Starting point is 02:29:14 so the last sport for the middle-sized white boy. That is true. You had a shot. You had no chance. And I just remember, we were playing kids who had gotten drafted and stuff like that and I was like he's alright He's I oh I I can make a jump this summer Right now he's a senior I got a fucking other you

Starting point is 02:29:39 It's like you know these kids are getting recruited like five years ago You know these kids are getting recruited like five years ago It is it is obviously The belief was born of complete delusion and no understanding of how the system works But I was like I was like I'll figure it out But that's the thing is like kids sports has taken more serious Seriously than like anything ever and you're so consumed by it at the time that you're like, bro. If you think it was ever and you're so consumed by it at the time that you're like bro if you think it was now it's now oh my mom would like to tell you that she thinks that she is the best dancer in the world she might legitimately be like a real

Starting point is 02:30:13 dance the only thing that's gonna hurt her and it's already hurting her she's awesome gymnast but she's just gonna be tall I'm six foot her mom's like five eight like she's already kind of like tall and skinny you're fucked Yeah, no, I like the same size of Simone Biles already Well, she's got to drop something and I think I'm gonna make it be gymnastics because gymnastics is also weird If you think of paths logic, it's gonna make her shorter She's been dancing since she was like zero. So like, she can dance. You see?

Starting point is 02:30:51 The, no, I thought we were changing subjects, so I don't have it, by the way. Hey, KSU radio listeners. We all know what time of year it is. The wait is over, and the madness is here. We've got nonstop college hoops to look forward to, and nothing pairs better with March than Evan Williams' bourbon. Tonight, what have we got? No? We don't have anything tonight, right? No. When's that game

Starting point is 02:31:08 start Thursday? Yeah. Next Thursday, we'll ramp it back up again. And when it's another weekend of sitting in front of the TV all all night, all day, you got to have a Evan Williams game day pour in your hand. It's bourbon done right. Extra aged, always smooth with flavors of oak, honey, and vanilla. No better way to celebrate a big upset or a last second buzzer beater. I think there was only like one buzzer beater, right? I think Maryland. Maryland.

Starting point is 02:31:33 And that was a travel by the way. That was a travel. That was a travel. I'm college. Get the gather step in the NBA, but not a college. Make Eben Williams part of your game day from the first tip to the championship celebration. Visit ebenwilliams. com to find a bottle near you.

Starting point is 02:31:47 Evan Williams, Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey, Bardstown, Kentucky, 43 to 45 percent. Because I have one more thing. Did you see like a week or two ago, Hubs girlfriend? That was what my by the way was. Oh, OK. That was what my by the way was too. Bro, this is one of my favorite things ever. It's Dean. Oh, Jackie knows it. Jackie believes it. OK, so is one of my favorite things ever. It's, do you know it? Oh, Jackie knows it, Jackie believes it.

Starting point is 02:32:07 Okay, so I'm stumbling upon this as well. I had never heard of it. What I was saying the other day, what is crazy to me is, it's not so prevalent anymore, it's not really like the marching cry, but there was a while, I feel like when I was younger, where it was like, women can do anything men can do like we are the same and you guys said that believing

Starting point is 02:32:32 that our entire sex can slam dunk yeah that's crazy to me when I hear someone can dunk I'm like oh that's an alien that's a freak there that person nothing like athlete in the world you thought an entire sex could dunk. And then you thought that you could do that too? But I thought, cause I was saying like, I remember the moment that I learned that all men can dunk. And I was so disappointed. It was like in college.

Starting point is 02:32:55 I remember like, one of my guy friends said something and I was like, and I had been like being ghosted by a guy at the same time. I was just like, they are just constantly disappointing me. Like fucking dumb. Oh my God, I was so pissed. For some reason like, but I didn't think that. Wait, let me explain this

Starting point is 02:33:14 because I don't think we have to explain it. So, Hubs was texting with his, wait, what was it exactly? Hubs was texting with his girlfriend. Can you pull up the tweet? Yep, I got it. Cause I don't remember the exact circumstances of it and it's very funny so basically she asked my fiance just asked me with a straight face what was the first time I dunked just assumed throughout our entire relationship I've

Starting point is 02:33:35 been dunking was stunned beyond belief when I said none of my friend group can do it wonder how fast she thinks I could throw a baseball she said quote you play so much basketball I just assumed you could dunk I'm getting sadder by the minute here. He explains her because hubs is not a tall guy either He goes if I could dunk that would mean I have a fifty and a half inch vertical Like you thought that I could jump fifty inches. She was like, yeah, I just guess so and then so every girl kind of seems to be like Yeah, I just I was talking to a girl and I read this out loud I was cackling and I was like this is hilarious I read it she laughs she's

Starting point is 02:34:12 having a like we're laughing about it and then she's like but when did you That's what I said. So why are you laughing? She goes, well, you're taller than him. I was like, by a couple inches. Like, it's not like, what do you mean? Shut the fuck up, Pabs. Oh, this fucking asshole Pabs. Well played. I forgot, Pabs. Well played. Look at that face, look at that face.

Starting point is 02:34:34 He's like, I just fucking dunked. Oh, he's got multiple. He's got multiple. Ah! So I. Ah! Ah! Ah!

Starting point is 02:34:43 Ah! Ah! Staring down the camera a a a a a

Starting point is 02:34:48 a a a a a a a a

Starting point is 02:35:02 a a a a a a a a July 2nd. Oh, you better get on your grind. Today was day one. Like, like can you? I'm touching the rim. That's OK. OK. It's always a big difference, though, because I remember at my peak I could, like, nick the rim.

Starting point is 02:35:12 And the thought of having to hold the ball and get it up over it is like another six inches. It's not like you're right there, you know? That honestly is half the battle is like the ball, like being able to palm the ball and like all that shit. Like even to this day, I kind of feel like you guys aren't really trying. I don't know. I don't know. And what about you? I think there is. I answer your question.

Starting point is 02:35:33 Sorry. I I also thought like I probably could dunk if I tried. I just like I have to. I don't know. You guys play more basketball than us. So like you guys should all be able to like it. I guess this is why it's like the perfect like it's you're still Despite the fact that I think we've laid it out there. You're still not understanding how much of an achievement this is Trying to think of something that would like really like It would be the it's almost the same thing as being like you can climb a mountain

Starting point is 02:36:04 equal chance of those two things happening. It's zero. I know, but it's like recency bias, what we were talking about. Like, I had assumed that everyone could dunk. And now that you guys can't dunk, it really takes away from the thumbnail. Have you ever seen a regular person dunk?

Starting point is 02:36:18 I know what a dunk is. Have you seen a regular person ever dunk? Like, why? It's like, like they just I guess yeah, pass, I guess we just watch it But like, it's not like you see it all the time It just doesn't I mean you see it in the NBA, but like

Starting point is 02:36:34 But I guess like with the amount of basketball you watch You're not watching like men's league You're like, I don't know, everyone who plays basketball dunks You guys play basketball Yeah, it's like, but it's not like, you know, scoring a goal Or crossing the End zone, like crossing the goal it's like it's but it's not like you know scoring a goal or crossing the like the end zone like crossing The goal line like yes this feet that I would have assumed you guys Figured it out in like at least high school like you took gym, right?

Starting point is 02:36:56 You should be like well these guys aren't athletic. I mean like yeah, but like regular people with well I was just like I was just like they're not they're just not dunking right now The mood to unathletically run in a circle slam dunking If I could dunk It's all I would do I would live in a a gym and I would just make videos and make dunking. And that's all I would do all the time. I feel like men, rappers,

Starting point is 02:37:31 everyone talks about dunking all the time that it's like, well, now that's misleading. That's how much of a goddamn dream it is. I guess I was trying to think of a female equivalent without being just like an asshole stereotypical misogynist So like I can't even I was thinking like when was the first time you modeled for Victoria's Secret? Like, look at me! You thought I was a model?

Starting point is 02:38:03 It's like, oh yeah, you guys are always talking about makeup in here, so I thought you were a professional model. That's, hey, that's a fair play. That one was fair. That was a good shot. Yeah, yeah. Crazy.

Starting point is 02:38:15 I couldn't believe when she was laughing and then was like, but what about you? And I was like, what was the last five minutes about? I thought we just would have this funny moment. Whoosh, right over your head. Have you ever been able to like kind of? Oh, you just said Brim. Yeah, like like we would we would lower it.

Starting point is 02:38:31 I would I think at my peak, I was talking like a nine foot hoop, like on a fucking prayer. I actually think I'd never tried. I think there was a phase where I could have done with a small ball. I was going to say, I remember like running open, not not never not in a game and just dunking and it was probably like between eight and a half and nine feet or something like that.

Starting point is 02:38:50 In my, I think it was just a hand, like I don't think I can grip a ball. I don't think I have hands big enough to like, palm a basketball. Yeah. But like, in my early 20s, I was doing a lot of box jumps. There was a phase where, Really phase where I was box jumping high. Well, you know what the other thing is?

Starting point is 02:39:09 It's also about like- I would have like three boxes on top of each other. That's crazy. But it is also about like, dunking is also not just jumping, you know what I mean? It's like a, like if you can just like jump, but if you need to like run and jump off a one foot and have like a, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 02:39:24 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like there's, if you can just fucking two two foot jump dunk You really got hop. Maybe we should all individually transfer something like paths does the dunking I'm out This is this is the not doing things group January July 2nd though is Fast are you like you document all this working out? Are you I'm doing box jumps? I'm doing squats Like leg raises the whole thing is calves right cat. It's all cats It's all the twitching the cat and it's just like the number one thing is practicing the dunk

Starting point is 02:39:58 Yeah, I'm gonna go up to the coral. It's gets a little bit nicer out. Yeah, I remember you saying you weren't impressed with the dunk contest The dunk contest which one just like in general you're like, I'm impressed saying you weren't impressed with the dunk contest. The dunk contest, which one? Just like in general, you're like, I'm not impressed with it. You said Mac McClung wasn't impressed with it. Yeah. Probably the most impressive thing in sports right now is Mac McClung.

Starting point is 02:40:12 I don't remember saying this. I'm guessing it was two years ago, because I definitely didn't watch this year. But the dunk contest as a production, I am not impressed with it. No, no, no. Slam dunk, but like, yeah, the dunk production, the dunk contest, I don't give a but like yeah the dunk production the dunk contest

Starting point is 02:40:25 I know that does about that. That's not but like I don't even I don't think The vast majority of people could just jump and put a ball under their legs forget about dunking on a tent But yeah, just take a ball jump and be in the air long enough to go under your legs Yeah, I don't think most of the part of a dunk that you have to know no enough to go under your legs. Yeah, I don't think most of the part of a dunk that you have to know. No, not like the dunk contest. They do that. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 02:40:48 But again, regular people cannot do these things. I mean, these like the guys who can really dunk are like there are guys who now go like behind the back through the legs. Like I jumped over a fucking glow. Whoa. Like that's the craziest thing going right now. Crazy. But but I will say this if this was what my take was it is a lot more impressive in

Starting point is 02:41:11 Picture than in practice in practice. You're like, oh, I thought that was gonna be cooler Slow-mo is where it's really at you get the movement and it's slow enough when it when it just happens in fast mode It's just like boom. Yeah, like, okay But I mean, he's like literally skywalk in fast mode, which is like boom. And you're like, oh, okay. But, I mean, he's literally skywalking. Fucking crazy, man. What do you guys think of that guy's morning routine?

Starting point is 02:41:30 I would look at the table and nod. I've only seen the picture. What is the actual routine? Oh, it's insanity. It's insanity. What is it? You didn't see this either? I saw this shit.

Starting point is 02:41:39 The fucking, just some jacked black dude with like, he starts his morning at 4 AM. He wakes up at 3 AM or whatever. Yeah. Honestly, I would say go do anybody's page. And it was like, oh, I saw. What did I think of the routine as a whole? Obviously, it's performative and silly.

Starting point is 02:41:57 But I did, while I was watching it, I was like, then we talked about this kid very recently, it's pretty. I guarantee that's pretty morning routine Who pretty gases buddy Pedro? Oh? I was watching the whole time. I was a shout out pretty I was like I bet it was what pretty fucking does I love including like brushing the teeth. It's like yeah, man. We know that's part of your morning routine And he's just always talking his face in water Is this a turn on? No, no.

Starting point is 02:42:26 Anyone who wears that kind of shit in the gym? Fucking loser. Oh, what the fucking... I think one of the worst trends ever is the cross body. Completely agree. I hate that dude. I hate it. I think it's so... This was the best right here.

Starting point is 02:42:44 736 740 when he's in the pool because he floated for four minutes I think when you go to the gym, I want to see like a bill Belichick like like, you know rip t-shirt Yeah hoodie Like old shorts golds gym type shit, you know, that's what you should be wearing the I bet you there are people who are Or into this though. Oh, there's thousands. Oh my god. What is that? You rub the banana? Yeah, chaps did that I was gonna say yeah Yeah, I stye. Um, yeah the He's doing it every day he's doing it for this

Starting point is 02:43:24 But also like I'm sure you'll actually I don't know like Cory G gets up like 4 a.m. Every day So maybe these guys do yeah Is he crazy does go to bed at like 4 o'clock? Yeah, he must right? Yeah, oh, yeah, I bet I was always the thing about like mark mark Wahlberg It's like cool cool cool, but like you don't even stare past jeopardy You have a bedtime like Yeah, you gotta be going better date cuz I'm sure these guys aren't getting like there's so usually they're all about recovery

Starting point is 02:43:50 Right, so you're getting your eight hours. So you must be in bed at fucking 8 p.m. Yeah, that's insanity. I Cannot even Fathom what life is like to be in shape like that. I Can't even wrap my head around just feeling good and being like, like if anything comes up, he's just like, yeah I could lift that. You want me to move that couch? I'll just like pick it up with one hand.

Starting point is 02:44:18 Like I always see those viral trends where it's like. Well even this shit, like putting on all his jewelry to go to the gym that's all I would really hope that's performing for the video and he doesn't do that shit in the in real life but something tells me yeah I always see those things where it's like like a trend where it's like pick your girlfriend up and like put her on your shoulder like clean lifter up it's just it. No, this guy's just like, yeah, I can do that shit. No, no, no. It's just, it's so foreign to me. I can't even fathom it. Like even, I feel like even if I got in shape, I would not be strong. Does that make sense? Like I might make my body look a certain way, but I bet you it would

Starting point is 02:44:55 not be useful. You're like a vinyl siding. Yeah, yeah. Right, right. Like it looks away, but it is not structurally sound. It doesn't feel like what you think it's gonna feel like. I would love, I do want to, like, one ultimate thing on my bucket list would be to get in shape. Just even for a brief period of time, like, even if it's like for one year, six months it took me to like get trimmed, six months took me to put on some muscle and then like, I only have it for six months and then I get fat again. But like, I did it. I mean that's very doable. I know I do. I keep saying this, but I do think I'm reaching a point of like, boy, I really don't like living my life this way. It really,

Starting point is 02:45:40 you really like, I know we kind of like laugh about it a lot, like, and it's not even just us. everyone always says like once you're over 30 like your back hurts And your shoulders hurt and your knees hurt Are we we're kidding? I have I mean I have a lot of issues, but I I think I have that and I've had six surgeries So like you shouldn't yeah like I 30 is not old. 30 is pretty young. What I would say it is like so I this is why I'm always like I would love to like Freaky Friday switch into somebody's body because I'm like how much of my shit is from like if you

Starting point is 02:46:19 jumped in my body and felt some of these things would you be like oh my god I don't ever feel like this. Yeah. Or is it like yeah it doesn't matter that you've had surgeries, this is what everybody feels. So I don't necessarily find it to be that. There's definitely like, I can't lay certain ways on my shoulder, if I fall asleep with my arm over my head, it's probably gonna get dislocated. Weird things like that, but the main thing I feel is like, when I, in the very rare instances where I do work out or run or have to do something, I'm like, I,

Starting point is 02:46:47 I do not have it anymore. Like if it was like you need, you have to go run like a few miles right now. I don't think I could do that. Well, there's your problem. You don't have to go running. No, no, no. I'm just saying like you gotta go run a quarter mile. Right, right, right. And then run a quarter mile a few days and then run a half mile. Well, that I think is the main thing is like, especially if you've ever been in shape at all or played sports at all, it's like, I was never a big workout guy, but I could go do these things. And so when you like go to the gym or workout, you're like, I'm just going to go do what I used to do. And it's like, no, you have to start at like, and I think the problem

Starting point is 02:47:20 is that you start at like an embarrassing level. It's like lift up like two pound weights before you start lifting 20 pound weight We're 40 pound weights, and you don't want to do that You know I mean you like you do it like I've been I've had a million phases in my life But like when I'm there were many times like where I'm fat And I'm like I got lose a few pounds before I get to the gym Yeah, I can't be going to the gym looking like this so you like you work out at home for a few weeks And then you're like okay now. I'm ready, but it's just like

Starting point is 02:47:43 Yeah You start building a house by like just fucking building a house. You gotta like build a foundation first. And then you go. I think also I was, I was either like in any free time, I either was like working, doing shit with kids. Like I was always doing so much shit that when I then had downtime, I wanted just downtime. Yeah. And now I've had enough downtime for a long enough period of time where I'm like, this doesn't even do it for me anymore. Like I used to love relaxing and doing nothing. And now doing nothing kind of gives me like anxiety and feel bad about it. So now I like finally think because I know myself, at least I'm not doing it until I want to do it. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:48:21 You know, and like I don't have the fortitude and all that to be like this sucks. I don't want to do it. Yeah. You know, and like I don't have the fortitude and all that to be like this sucks I don't want to do it. I'm going to keep doing it It can suck but at least I want to do it You know what I mean until until I hit the want level it ain't happening Waiting till I bottom out are you at the want level though pretty close and pretty close I'm definitely at the level of I don't enjoy just sitting around anymore and I still do it and at the end of it

Starting point is 02:48:48 I'm like this was very like I feel like I wasted time did nothing was a bum and I'm not you know I mean like I used to be able to just like eat up hours of television and be like I'm just watching this TV show I'm talking about it's awesome, and now I'm kind of like I should have been doing something But even that I'm still trying to like doing nothing It's like a thousand days in a row of it not feeling good It's probably time to make some changes And I think I'm also at a point where it like there there really was there is like a decade there of like With younger kids and where work was I mean at that It was one point of work where it was like four different shows and five different interviews a week

Starting point is 02:49:24 You know it was nuts. It was crazy and it was like I didn't have the time I did have the time, but the little bit of free time I had I didn't want to spend it again Yeah, yeah, I hate it when people are like Like no excuses like you have to have that money. I mean yeah I'm just like yes, there are enough hours in a day. I could have I could be at the gym late at night I don't want it. I'm not done. You know But yeah, maybe we'll get there one day Look at easier as I get older

Starting point is 02:49:49 I'm definitely going to tell my kids like you have to stay in shape Like don't let it go Yes, I'm thinking more about I'm always so like unfair with it like I don't know what to tell Shay, but I'm gonna tell Keegan you have to keep working Yeah The other day he was like I'm so strong. Okay, sure man. Just drop down and start doing clap push-ups You weigh like 40 pounds, but whatever Keep that going man. We got Burt on the show but before we get into those,

Starting point is 02:50:26 White Lotus was this week, and I think that they were kind of, you know, the direction we were going was, will the Ratliff dad kill himself? And I think the odds on favorite for Ratliff to end up dead is now one of the brothers, because that's beyond the point of no return. You can't come back from jerking your brother off. You just can't do it.

Starting point is 02:50:49 I don't watch it every time I hear somebody talk about it. I actually was thinking about it, obviously you can't come back from it. You can't come back from it. But if it did happen, I think me and my brother would have handled it very differently. Okay, so I was about to say something very stupid,

Starting point is 02:51:04 like you can't come back from it, but if it happened to me, we would come back from it. Like, if this happened to me and you, I think we would stand on two feet and look each other in the eyes and be like, I was fucked up, but we're just gonna move on. I did, I just, I jerked off the wrong dick. It was an accident. There was one dick here and one dick there, and I just mixed them up.

Starting point is 02:51:23 The younger brother, who's like 18, like I think just lost his virginity maybe, is riding this girl and just reaches over while the other brother, and like they're blacked out and they're on drugs, they're in Thailand, and he is remembering the threesome basically and in his mind he's jerking off himself watching, which is weird enough, and then like the memories start to come back and it's him reaching over. And the little brothers, I blacked out. And then he starts meditating because they're in Thailand and he starts to remember.

Starting point is 02:51:53 So now their memories are coming back. And Patrick Schwarzenegger does an unbelievable job. The anxiety, bro. Is that seen by the pool? The way they made him look, dude. Yes, dude. Face change. That scene by the pool. I was like, I didn. Yes, dude face change that scene by the pool. I was like Didn't really have an opinion on Patrick Schwarzenegger one way or the other

Starting point is 02:52:10 And I but I you know, like it kind of what comes with a big name is like, oh he got strings pulled He probably you know, whatever and then I was pretty impressed with him the whole show It's been great and then that scene I was like, holy shit He's only smoked that one person who should have that role instead of him and it's Francis That was you know how fucking weird it's got to be for Frank to be to be watching that show And have He had a legitimate he said out loud in a legitimate tone, yeah, like as an actor

Starting point is 02:52:47 I was thinking like that rolls for me. So watch that guy and be like, I would've crashed this. You gotta look in the mirror yourself, dog. I was watching it last night and like, particularly when he's like hungover in bed and like it's just the morning, the morning is just happening and he's kinda having some flash flashbacks I was like right there I

Starting point is 02:53:07 would be like dude did you fucking jerk me off like you got it you either got a knowledge and joke about it pretend it didn't happen something but don't let it just eat you up like this I think now so my prediction now because I was I was talking through this in my head I was like if two girls in Thailand knew whatever right you go back to your regular life no big deal and if your Like if two girls in Thailand knew, whatever, right? You go back to your regular life, no big deal. And if your brother blacked out, now it's just you carry that.

Starting point is 02:53:29 And I carry plenty of things. I can just push shit down. I can compartmentalize that. I will Costanza that shit. It's not a lie if you believe it sort of thing. I will just tell myself that never happened. But once your brother starts remembering and if he starts to talk and have issues with it,

Starting point is 02:53:44 and this is why I think my crazy white lotus prediction is, I think someone's gonna get poisoned by that milkshake, the protein shake that he's always blending up, smoothie, whatever it is. And I think he's gonna get extreme and kill his brother. See, I think the opposite. I think Locke is the bad guy. Gonna kill Saxon?

Starting point is 02:54:04 I don't know if he's gonna kill someone but I think lock is The chain to break that sets everything off. But so I think he's evil I think he's a bad guy. I could see him snapping. Yeah, he's evil I think he's doing everything to please everybody. I but I think you I think he's doing some sociopath shit Like yeah his his smirk when he said, I don't even remember last night, that was like, that put up a red flag and then the whole shit with the sister right now

Starting point is 02:54:31 is being creepy too. Where I'm like, I'll go with you or I'll stay with you and I'll do it with you, yeah. I think there's something. He also might just be completely traumatized by his wildly fucked up family. Yeah. But they all like, before this weekend,

Starting point is 02:54:44 they weren't fucked up. I don't know. like before this weekend. They weren't fucked up There they just like it's not it's coming to light Yeah, like you like they didn't know that like dads are criminal moms a drug addict right like or I'm sure they were annoyed by their Parents, but I don't think they knew to the extent I like that timothy ratliff is coming around now, and he's like kind of enlightened and like you know yeah Like maybe living a materialistic life isn't that great Look where it led me. All right. I killed my wife now Bro if when he was holding it. I was like it would be very white lotus is just like Why didn't you stay in Thailand?

Starting point is 02:55:18 He's definitely he's gonna learn something at the dinner party from Gary Greig great. Yeah, dude. You're good You're here. You're in America. You'd be fucked. You're here. You're not in America You know when people flee the country you already fled. Yeah, you pre-fled you did the pre-flea yours No, I definitely think he's staying there, but I think Lachlan you know who he reminds me of the ice truck killer Oh, he looks like it. Yeah, see that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's too goody two shoes. Yeah Yeah, he was like just his look and like his like creepiness I don't know obviously I could be wrong, but I I got eyes on Lachlan There's about ten shows out route right now worth talking about that We'll do maybe next episode because I don't want to run too long

Starting point is 02:55:55 but I do want to say the the dick riding of adolescence is Driving me crazy. Really? It's driving me crazy I still haven't seen people are, this is the greatest piece of television in the last 20 years, and it is not. It is not. Really? It is not. It's very cool, the concept is four episodes,

Starting point is 02:56:13 every episode is one single shot. There's no cuts, there's no edits. They filmed every episode 10 times, and they just picked the best one. So a lot of it is improv and like timing and shooting it cinematography. That is all amazing. There's no denying that. It's very cool to watch. You don't realize how much a TV show cuts until you watch a show that doesn't do it at all. Kids jump out the window and the camera like somehow follows them

Starting point is 02:56:37 through the window and they go, there's drones everywhere I think. It's very very cool on that front. The first episode is incredible. You think you're about to witness something amazing. But then this one shot thing completely limits the show. Like the second episode, they want to show the other kids who are involved. It's like a kid murder mystery. And in order to show the kids at school, the whole fucking episode has to be at the school. You texted about that. So now none of the characters from the first episode are in it at all. And it's like the scenes in school are kind of OK. But a lot of it's like, I wish we were back over here.

Starting point is 02:57:10 And then the third episode people like is he's in the room. The kid is in the room with a counselor. And there's some heated, intense conversation. And then the fourth episode sucks. One and three are good. Two and four, I think, are bad. But either way, it's very, there's also some very heavy, like, it's very much a Andrew Tate is ruining young men

Starting point is 02:57:31 type vibe, and the parents are like so clueless in certain scenes, where I do think some parents don't understand it, but like, there's, like, the parents don't know that like emojis mean certain things, and like what certain words mean, it's like, bro, come on, you know what I mean? So some of that was bothering me. It's it's good It's fine but the way I think because of the subject matter and because of the the the technical aspect people are like this is

Starting point is 02:57:54 like I don't know so And that's the dad is I think the director of it. Yeah, it's Stephen Graham. He wrote directed peaky Right, right. Right. He is snatch, right? Yeah. He is a small guy. Yeah But we'll talk next episode there's the Amanda Seifert show is great. The pit is good There's a bunch out there, but those are the two big ones right now adolescence and white lotus So bird dogs classic quarter zips are perfect for when you're looking for something for the in-between. This is John's great theory that the whole world

Starting point is 02:58:29 met in the middle on quarter zips. People who dress comfy, people who dress classy, meet in the middle on your quarter zips, and you know with bird dogs, it's gonna be comfortable and stylish, whether you're golfing or going on a first date, whether you're hanging out with the boys or the girls, whether you're going to work or sitting at home, bird dogs, quarter zips are the new

Starting point is 02:58:47 go to. And now what are you going to pair it with? You got to get a nice pair of pants, right? I hate wearing nice pants. They're the worst. I was wearing jeans this weekend and Shay said to me, we're in jeans right now. Yeah. Okay. Jay said to me, I don't think I've ever seen you wear jeans, not a suit, not slacks or khakis, just jeans. And I said, I put my foot down, I was like, yes you have. She was like, no I haven't. I was like, damn it, yes you have, but barely. But Bird Dogs has you covered with stretch khakis

Starting point is 02:59:16 that look like you're dressing up, but they have the stretch and flexibility you need. Other athletes, your pants look shiny, you look like you're wearing warmups, you can't, too casual to wear them out, certainly can't go to work in them. Bird Dogs stretch khakis, you can have that comfort and style.

Starting point is 02:59:28 And for a limited time, you can get a free hat right now with any Bird Dogs order when you use promo code KFC at birddogs.com. Get this hat completely free when you use code KFC at birddogs.com. Support our show and let them know that we sent you. All right, we're gonna get into our interview with Burt

Starting point is 02:59:45 in a second, but before we do that, a little inside Barstool drama from, in one of the biggest snake moves of all time. I could not believe my ears when I heard this one. It's altogether shocking, yet very fitting all at the same time. And it involves our good friend Dante. I think Dante went too far this time. Beyond the point of no return on this one. So Dante, as we know, has been getting in trouble for music. He ran Barstool backstage, the social media channel

Starting point is 03:00:16 and podcast at Barstool that was trying to make inroads in the music world. And he kept getting in trouble for posting copywritten music to the point that we were getting sued for like tens of thousands of dollars every time and Dave eventually just said, you shut down, you're done. And every time he got in trouble, Dante just kept being like, I don't get it. I don't get it. Why other people can do it and I can't. And it's like, well, listen, you don't fucking, we don't know. Maybe they worked for the record label.

Starting point is 03:00:44 Maybe they got clearance. Maybe they're paying them or maybe, maybe they got clearance, maybe they're paying them, or maybe they're not as big as Barstool, maybe Barstool has a bullseye on their back. Whatever the thing is, you're getting in trouble, it doesn't matter that they are not, so stop doing it, he wouldn't stop doing it, Dave eventually just had to cancel the show. Now, a normal person would say, that sucks,

Starting point is 03:01:02 and we've all been there before, I've done it with baseball. It's like, I wanna post baseball clips to promote the game of baseball. It logically makes sense. The industry does not allow you, which is how it goes. And also I wanna post baseball clips to get retweets. Totally, totally.

Starting point is 03:01:17 No, yeah, but the logic of the league or the industry should like this holds. But they're also like this is how we make money. And we're going to make money off of every single time you get posted. I think it's backwards. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter that me and Dante think it's backwards. It's how it fucking goes. So you should just kind of take your medicine and it is what it is.

Starting point is 03:01:38 Or you could just as you're drowning, just reach up and grab people and pull them down with you. And that is what Dante did. Just completely sandbagging our boy Vinny, the Don Chens. The real fucking Don, if you ask me. Well, that's how funny is that, we're gonna have Don on Don violence now. Don on Don crime.

Starting point is 03:01:58 Dante is so fucking annoying, he's making me defend an Italian. Vinny was with KC radio for like a summer. He's the producer of Out and About working with Joey and Pat. And on the side, he does kind of like one minute man type videos for music. And he's made like a lot of headway in the in the rap world.

Starting point is 03:02:19 Had like several videos really pop off, like tens of millions of views steadily getting like hundreds of thousands. More more importantly he has labels and artists reaching out to him being like we want to We want you to interview us and he's kind of in that gray area of like I'm a producer I started making content off hours on my own Now people are reaching out to me like that's kind of the roadmap that's what's always kind of happened at Barstool and I was gonna say he also like is, it's always me and him here at the end of the day.

Starting point is 03:02:49 Like he's one of the hardest workers here. And like he gets his shit done. So this was part of it. Like he ran into an issue. Nice. It was always me and him. I swear my life. I swear. He usually leaves about 10 minutes before me.

Starting point is 03:03:01 I swear. He's here pretty late. Okay, God dang. He's the second hardest worker here, but I agree. I did not even mean to do that. I will fess up when I mean to do that. That was not one of those times. That's crazy.

Starting point is 03:03:14 Vinny ran into a couple issues where, like, at first, the head of production was like, you're a producer. And you're kind of wasting company time. And so then he was like, I only do off hours. I only do it after my work is done. He's like following all the rules. Um, and one of the rules is if you have a brand account, like a bar stool show backstage, right.

Starting point is 03:03:36 That's what barstool backstage was. That's kind of what their problem was. I think if Dante was just like, I'm the music guy, he probably could have done it, but he made it barstool backstage and that made, that put a bullseye on their back for labels to go after them. Now Vinny is in this weird gray area where it's like, he has like Barstool Sports in his bio and it says video creator,

Starting point is 03:03:57 and because there's logos everywhere you look in this place, like when he films at work, there's a Barstool logo. And like, if a label sees that, they're like, you're talking about our music, you're using our music, you're clearly a there's a Barstool logo. And like, if a label sees that, they're like, you're talking about our music, you're using our music, you're clearly a video creator at Barstool, you're, you know, we're coming after you. And so he gets an email being like,

Starting point is 03:04:13 you need to take that out, you need to take down some of this stuff, you can't do this, that, and the other anymore, you have to follow these rules. And Vinny's kind of like, you know, this seems like I'm being singled out, there are plenty of other people who post music. And I was saying my you're in this gray area because you're you're not just Posting music you're posting about music you're using music all that stuff. So I'm talking to him

Starting point is 03:04:33 he's talking to head of production gas everyone these emails with the lawyers going around and the whole time I had a little like Inkling in the back of my head, but I didn't I didn't say it cuz I was like I'm not gonna start any rumors or anything, but he has this meeting and he's like where this all even come from and He said that Dante flagged everything and brought it up to legal And not only that he noticed that The night before the barstool backstage account watched like all of his,

Starting point is 03:05:05 you know, you can see who's watched your stories and who watched your content. Yeah. And like Dante and Barstool backstage watched like an unusual amount. So Dante literally just went to the other guy making music content and was like, well, he can't do it either. What about him? Take him down to. There's no way to describe it other than he's a snitch, a bitch, a loser, a lame. Ooh, bars. Speaking of rap, Vinny's about to make a video on that.

Starting point is 03:05:34 You're a loser, what? Snitch, a bitch, a loser, a lame. Almost an eternal neck, like that went so hard, dude. But like, look, I'm always saying Dante's the dumbest guy in the world, which he is, but I'm also always saying he's a nice guy. That's just scumbag behavior. This is almost like indefensible. This is fucking- And then-

Starting point is 03:05:53 To fucking- to be like, if I can't- and here's the deal, because of the two things I always say about Dante, he's so dumb that I will- he will argue, and what I might even believe is he's like, I was trying to get my account back. I wasn't. Yeah, defend myself by pointing out another example. The lack of brain you have to have to think that that's a possibility is unfathomable. It's also like, it's just like,

Starting point is 03:06:18 you would never do that in like, let's say your girlfriend's mad at you or whatever, and you're like, but he does it to his girlfriend, you wouldn't do that to your boy! Because you know! You know! But you do that to someone who you're trying to take down. There is no world where Dave and Barstool goes, oh, the Don Chens does it, you're right Dante, you can do it too. The producer does it, so of course the bar- like, it doesn't make any fucking sense.

Starting point is 03:06:45 You have to be so stupid. Even if you're just defending yourself, trying to argue your right to do it, you have to understand nothing's gonna change the circumstances and by highlighting someone else who does it, you're just fucking them over. And I'm hearing additional rumblings that Vinny has heard from other people

Starting point is 03:06:59 that this is like straight up hater shit. Like he's mad that Vinny was not reaching out to Barstool backstage and not collaborating with him doing music stuff. So like. Oh yeah, cause music, once you know. I mean, well only one person owns music. Only one person can talk about music.

Starting point is 03:07:13 The Don. We only have one football show and we only have like one comedy show. Like of course, how dare someone else talk about fucking music when Dante the Don is available. And he'll do, he'll have another another excuse like the last one when he was making fun of movie and and and Kelly and he was just like I was just fucked up and I don't remember yeah no he'll do exactly what the fuck you were doing and it will be stupid put it this way if you ever

Starting point is 03:07:39 email Barstool legal about anything other than your own shit. I don't even open emails from Barstool Legal, let alone send them to him. I know, because I'm an idiot and I've had my own shit in the past, I know who Barstool Lawyers are. Nobody else should even know who they are. You guys shouldn't even know who legal Paul is. Every time I talk to him I go, I never want to talk to you again, Paul. No offense, but I hope I never talk to you again. So anybody who's reaching out to talk about other people's legal shit, you have to have a shred of awareness to go this might not go well for my boy. Yeah. You know? And it's clear that you're doing it

Starting point is 03:08:16 because he's not your boy because of whatever little fucking dick measuring thing you're doing with music. But like, yeah, I think maybe somebody's a little upset that these music videos do a little bit better than Marlon MacLeod Which I mean like it's just it's it's Legitimately disappointing. Yeah, like I'm like damn dude. I didn't know you were like that right you like that's that sucks There's dumb shit. There's like Disagreements whatever it's like I didn't think you were like that. Yeah There's like disagreements, whatever. It's like, I didn't think you were like that, man.

Starting point is 03:08:45 That's either. I'm sure he'll, I don't even care to hear it. I'm sure he'll have some fucking excuse that is, I mean, it's like 10 people are talking about it, about how Dante fucking snitched on Vinny. And there's no debate. No one's like, well. Well, yeah, there's no debate.

Starting point is 03:09:02 It's what happened. And that's fucking bullshit. And it sucks that you're that kind of person. This is like, this is like, it's like, well... Well, yeah, there's no debate. It's what happened. Yeah. And that's fucking bullshit, and it sucks that you're that kind of person. This is like, it's like Dante, the woman who claims her shoes 140 pounds lighter. Not excuses. It's crazy. Hit him one more time with it. What? You're a bitch.

Starting point is 03:09:20 You're a snitch. You're a loser and a lame. Get it, white boy! Get it, white boy! It's crazy. You're a snitch, you're a snitch, you're a loser and a wane. Get it white boy! Get it white boy! It's great, like, it is... I've actually... Dante's an idiot.

Starting point is 03:09:32 And then I've recently been like, Wait, is he dumb? Cause that's a different thing. At the very least, you are so dumb that you couldn't pause and say, Let me be an adult and think through my actions and think if this is going to negatively affect someone else, which it obviously is if you give it one ounce of thought before just going, he can do it, why can't I do it? Because it's like, you can do it on Dante the Don account.

Starting point is 03:09:57 It's fucking, I don't pay that close attention to these rules because I don't really live that close to the line of it. But I understand, I know that personal accounts can post music brand accounts cannot that's it that's it so why would you fucking rat out a personal account just doing what we're allowed to doing what a personal account is allowed to do right Vinny did absolutely fucking nothing wrong I guess the content creator whatever the fuck in the gray area where

Starting point is 03:10:22 I told him I'm like I understand why legal and chase the production guys are talking to you because it's like music is a little bit different And if you do these things that allude to you being a music content creator at bar still using music It starts to gray, you know, you know get a gray area and and like I'm almost arguing against Vinny on that I was talking through him on the phone. Like you got to see it from their point of view and all these other things But they were like as long as you do it this way like you're okay but oh it all only even came to light because Dante tore him down. Yeah, and and really it's a testament to Vinnie He's doing something right that like it's making people notice and now productions talking to him

Starting point is 03:11:02 And you know you're talking to legal because like you're doing content that's doing numbers so I I don't know I think there's one little piece of me that thought you know how Dave always hypes up to do to piss off Rico yeah there's one little part of me that Dave might be like Vinny the Don Chens is the authority on music at Barstool just to piss off. I so it might end up working out well for there's also a chance that Dave never hears about this, never cares about this or says, I don't want to deal with music at all. But there's a little part of me that's like, this might be a great thing.

Starting point is 03:11:37 I don't. I did. But the only thing there is I don't think he cares about that. Yeah. Well, he does. He likes riling up Rico, which is why he likes to do. He wants hair down down don't they but that's I think he can do that and I don't think he cares for the pageantry of it well he does that

Starting point is 03:11:52 privately yeah yeah I hope I hope not I hope they works with fucking balls off he's almost seriously as Jackie I hope I hope Dave backs him I would be surprised to see that but it's still fucked on to go Follow Vinny if you're interested in his in his videos. It's Don underscore chins What was his Bluetooth name Oh Now I fuck I can't remember he's just playing like slow tunes like slow are you going to jerk me off right now but if you go look at his page like the three top pinned ones 10.3 million 2.6 million 1.1 million yeah you know he's got a bunch of like hundreds of

Starting point is 03:12:44 thousands 244 thousand 35, 354,000. So if you're into music and more so specifically rap, like new rap, underground rap, like really in the hip hop world, Vinny is the guy. So follow him at Don Chens. I'm going to be using a I'm going to be a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

Starting point is 03:14:12 little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a Thanks for watching!

KFC Radio - Bert Ranks the Most Entertaining Comics to Travel With - Interview + Episode

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