KFC Radio - Best of 2021 (What a Year)

Episode Date: December 31, 2021

From g*pe gloves to fighting chickens in cars, to d*ck cracking and much MUCH more, we've covered a lot of ground in 2021. Maybe too much ground. Definitely too much ground. Here are only some of the best KFC Radio moments of 2021. Comment your favorite KFCR moment below. How many of these segments did you already know? Timecodes: 0:00 - Welcome 1:36 - Chicken vs Chimp 9:51 - G*pe Gloves 20:17 - Nick Turani Most Offensive Segment 25:30 - Spicy PB&J 31:45 - The Bookman 37:30 - SF Armory 45:53 - Thank You Adriana 50:58 - HardCock Tollbooth 1:06:15 - Gay Guys Should Do Everything 1:08:21 - Feits Sleep-Eats Ice Cream 1:18:14 - We Almost Kill KFC 1:21:35 - Failed Cold Call 1:29:20 - JFK Assassination 1:36:29 - Message to SPK 1:38:53- Megan Fox F***ing on Tables 1:45:48 - AYG x Marty (Meat Farms) 1:49:59 - Banana Cigs 1:53:04 - Dick Cracking Let us know what you think on Twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @JNics415 @nickhammy5 @Joshua__DM @macczack21 @mikeypavssYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Welcome. Why are you being weird? What? I'm not being weird. I'm just saying welcome to everybody. Welcome. Welcome.

I really already regret saying yes to doing this podcast. Welcome. Welcome. Am I missing something? Is this a doing this podcast. Welcome. Welcome. Am I missing something? Is this a joke? Stop. You're ruining it. We have to cut all this.

Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. This episode's called Welcome. Sorry. Welcome. Welcome. This episode's called Welcome. Sorry. Welcome.

You can't laugh, Dre. I'm not laughing with you. I'm laughing at you. Three, two, one. Welcome. Welcome. You laughed at him Okay This sounds real

Welcome Can I go get my fucking taser? Welcome to another episode of KFC Radio God damn it On the Barstool Okay Welcome Welcome okay welcome are you ready

yo what's up KFC? Fight everyone else. I have a question. Would you rather have to fight a chicken to death every time you get into a car for the rest of your life or have to fight a chimpanzee to the death once a year for the rest of your life

but you get a sword? Oh, okay. Let me know. I was going to say, I can't beat a chimpanzee to the death once a year for the rest of your life, but you get a sword. Let me know. I was going to say, I can't beat a chimpanzee. I probably still can't beat a chimpanzee with a sword, but if I know if I know let's say, starting right now,

I have to fight a chimpanzee this year. Right? So let's say we do it on July 29th of next year. So I have to fight a chimpanzee this year. Right? So let's say we do it on July 29th of next year. So I have a year to train with a sword and fight that chimpanzee and then be ready for the rest of my life to fight a chimpanzee with a sword. I think I have to take that. Because a chicken, every time you get in the car, is a fucking fiasco. Every time I get in the car with my kids, I got to kill a chicken?

Do I have to kill it? Yes. Fight to the death. To the death. Okay, what about this? What about if I get in the car with my kids I gotta kill a chicken? Do I have to kill it? Yes Fight to the death To the death Okay what about this What about if I get in the car And the chicken's with me And we just fight during the ride

And then once I get there I can get out No no no You can't turn that car on The keys magically appear Okay how about If I'm a passenger in a car I think he says every time you get in a car

That's what he said Yeah Are we talking like I call an Uber I gotta fight a chicken Yeah Every time you get in a car That can't happen I don't have time for that That's what I mean Every time you get in a car – I call an Uber. I got to fight a chicken? Yeah. Well, I can't. Every time you get in a car. That can't happen.

I don't have time for that. That's what I mean. Every time you get in a car, it's just a time difference. I get annoyed enough with Uber as it is how long they – by the way, I'm not Uber. I'm a Lyft guy. But the – I get annoyed enough with Lyft when they lie to me about how long it takes. And it's always three minutes. And it's always 15.

It always takes at least – yep. It's fucking forever. I was going to say 12. Yep. And it is – if I had to then be – I guess I have the rage in me to fight a chicken by the time that fucking car gets there. But it's such a thing. You're going somewhere, right? You're dressed up.

Now all of a sudden you got chicken blood and feathers all over the place. Yeah, you can't have it. You can't have that. You can't have it, no. Every day I'd come in fucking to work just scratched up and shit. What the fuck happened to you? Absolutely, because you're going to beat the chicken. You're going to beat the chicken. You're going to beat the chicken.

You'll kill the chicken. Probably. Maybe. A chicken could claw me for sure. A chicken, I'll tell you what. You know what? I don't even – I would fight the chimp once a year sans sword because this is – it's just too many bullets being fired. One's going to hit me if I fight a chicken.

Like one day a chicken will get me. Wait, why are you not fighting the chimpanzee with a sword? Just even if there was no sword, I would take that option. Got it. A chicken will get you, but the chimpanzee will kill you. Chimpanzees, dude, do you remember? Yeah, no, I know. Every year for like four years on the blog, there was some woman who got her face transplant done

because her pet chimpanzee turned on her as every wildlife expert told her would happen. You will get your face ripped off. And chimpanzees rip your face off. They beat you to death. This woman happened to survive. But they will kill you. So you're dead the first time a chimpanzee fights you if you don't have a sword. And even with a sword.

That's why I got to train. So I got to be good with a broadsword. Yeah. And it would be pretty cool to have that like. Like you can't even train to fight a chicken. That's just like I got to get my hands on you. And I got to wring your neck. And I will.

If your life depends on it, or I guess your life doesn't depend on it, but your schedule depends on it, early on, it would be a nightmare. I think eventually you'd be good at killing a chicken. But that doesn't mean that there still wouldn't be a fight and some clawing, and eventually they might get you on one. I mean, chickens are fast. Feathers, blood, but they're in a confined space. But you're not in the car.

Oh, I'm envisioning it in the car. Oh, I imagine he not in the car. Oh, I'm envisioning it in the car. Oh, I imagine he's guarding the door. Oh, I'm envisioning you sitting in it. And I've got to chase him under the fucking car. I'm thinking you're in. He's jumping over the car. Well, that's impossible. You've got to catch a chicken.

They fight the chicken to get in the car. Well, I'm not even saying you don't have to catch him because it's a fight to the death. But he's got evasive maneuvers. Yeah. So if you land a good shot. You can't even land a punch. No, no, no. You're grabbing it.

You have to hold it, and you have to crack and kill. Which is tough. But you know what? My dad said that my grandma on his side, his mom, used to, like, regularly kill chickens for, like, food. They were, like, backwoods Pennsylvania shit. So if, like, my grandma can go out to the coop, grab a chicken, and kill it relatively unscathed – That chicken probably thinks it's getting petted. Drew is not ready to fight to the death.

But still, the fact that she just – just the, you know, the hand, like, she could just pop that neck and kill it. I'm thinking an angry chicken. I was thinking in the car, so it's like you're in a confined space, which is good for you to kill it, but bad for you because it's just a fucking feather fiasco going on. But I also got kids, man. I can't be fighting chickens every time I gotta get my kids in the car.

So I drop my kids off at school, then when I'm getting back in the car, I gotta fight another chicken in front of the fucking school to get home. At that point, you're going, I'll watch you to the door. And think about that. Anytime that you stop somewhere and run in and run out. So I get in the car at my house. I fight a chicken and I kill it.

I go to like CVS because I need garbage bags. I get them. I get back in the car. I got to fight another chicken. It's been four minutes since I just fought a last chicken. You got to kill multiple chickens. But you're getting gas? Oh, you get out to pump and then you got to get back in. You got pump and then you gotta get back in. You gotta go to self-serve.

You can't go to self-serve. I drive to Jersey every day. Absolutely. You pump my gas for me. I gotta fight a chicken otherwise. You had some friend being like can you pick me up? No, I cannot because I gotta fight a fucking chicken. Dude, I would fight the chimp and guess what? I'd market that shit.

Once a year. Pay-per-view. I'm rich as hell. You might you might be dead but rich as hell no i i don't because if i knew i was fighting training with the i would be i what's the new uh marvel movie it's like it's like the legend yeah the legend of the chains or whatever yeah yeah yeah and it is uh i i would i would be in that ring i'd be in that octagon. And we'd have a jungle theme. That'd give them a little bit of help. And I would be fucking slinging the sword. I would be so fucking shredded. You could put me in a movie.

Because I would be like, look, this is my livelihood. Well, when you know that you've got to fight a chimpanzee, you will. And especially, let's say it's not scheduled. Let's say it's random. You'll hit the gym every day. Because tomorrow might be the day I've got to fight a chimpanzee to survive. Yeah. So you will live.

I'm training. You know what? So, yeah. Everybody, live your life like you've got to fight a chimpanzee to survive. Yeah. So you will live. I'm training. You know what? So, yeah, everybody, live your life like you've got to fight a chimpanzee at some point this year. You will live your life to the fullest. You will be a specimen. What's it like every time I put my feet on the floor, the devil goes, he's up. Every time I wake up, the chimp goes, today's the fight.

Dude, even like, you know, I'm always saying no. I don't want to do things. Like, you know what, man? I'm going to say yes. I'm going to go out because maybe I got to fight a chimp tomorrow. But it would be hard to kill a chimp because, like, when you, like, say you slice a chimp's throat, as it's laying there dying, you're like, that is a person. You also kill the person. Yeah.

It also would not be easy to massacre, you know, hundreds of chickens a year. Thousands. I think thousands. I get in the car thousands of times. I mean think about every time you're with somebody like you know like let's hop in the car. It's like I can't. Why not.

It's going to be a thing. You don't understand like come on let's go to the beach. I'll walk. Why. It's five miles.

It's going to be this whole thing. There's a chicken. It's a whole. I mean it's like Peter Peter Griffin. He literally fights right.

Every time. Yeah. That's like Peter Griffin. He literally fights a chicken. Right, every fucking time. That's a full-grown chicken. That's like a chimpanzee-sized chicken, to be honest. If you really want to get fucking ATI with it, we could do chimpanzee chickens or chicken chimpanzees. But I think that ultimately, I also think you got to hit a fucking – that sword's got to be sharp. But I feel like penetrating the fur and the flesh and the bones of a chimp is not easy. No, but I would be able to. Again, I have no concerns.

How would you kill? Would you go for the head? Throat, yeah. I think I would do a shraw. Oh, shraw. Yeah, but then you get fucking. Like through the stomach and up through. Like a shraw. That's a tough angle there.

But even like a stab, I feel like it's like he could still, with his dying breath, still stab you in the neck. Yeah, yeah. What about one of those, like, I jump from above and I, like a, through the top of their skull. He'd barrel roll right onto you. They're so fast. Next thing you know, you'd be on your back.

Monkeys are so fast. You're tough. Yeah. That's what I mean. I don't even think I could hit the chimp with the sword. I think, you know what I would do? I would wait in the corner. I would wait in the corner with my sword. I'd be like, come get some, chimp with the sword. I think you know what I would do? I would wait in the corner. I would wait in the corner with my

sword. I'd be like, come get some chimp. I think the best thing that I can do is I think the chimp would do a jump attack for me and I would hopefully have to just do one of those. I could hold it up. I think if I'm just trying to hit you. You're basically William Wallace doing the hold? Yes. With the spears, yeah. Because if I'm trying to come at you

with the sword. That chimp's in the corner just smoking cigarettes waiting you out. It'd be a game of chicken. It'd be a game of chicken. It'd be a game of chicken. I think we just do that one voicemail today. I don't think it's going to get any better than that. That was an all-timer. That almost sounded like the same guy from, like, when I heard that voice, it almost sounded like the rollerblade guy.

That was amazing. Olivia Munn was eating ass before Mike Adriano was. Olivia Munn and Chris Pine were putting tongues in sphincters before Mike Adriano had gape gloves. Show's over! He said gape gloves. That's what the gloves say! I know, John! I obviously have seen them,

but there are people out there who are not understanding the reference, so we're going to have to explain to them that it's a pair of fucking gardening gloves, basically, that girls have to wear because he oils them up so much. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Let's have a conversation. If you need gloves to open your butthole, too much oil. You use it too much.

I've never understood why you're putting that much goddamn oil on the girl. If you need, John, a drop cloth, if you need a tarp underneath, too much whatever. Too much oil, lube, fucking milk. Fucking too many sticks of butter

up her ass. Too much stuff. I've seen the video. I'm not making it up. The gape gloves is... I mean... Yo, do you think he sells them? You think he sells them on the website? Find out. Let's find out. Let us

find out. I'm just gonna google gate you look at like the website i'm gonna get gape gloves there are some prudes and some girls who are very confused and and okay there's a reddit you know mike adriano first of all has a reddit um what mike has a Reddit. And this is from one year ago. Someone posted in the Reddit. Anyone know where to buy Mike's Gabe gloves? And there's one reply and it says, ask your mom.

That might be the greatest your mom joke ever executed. That really might be the funniest mom joke ever. That is fucking classic. Bro, I cannot think of a scenario even remotely close to how awful it would be if you found your mother's gape gloves like you find you find you find your mom's fucking sex toys lingerie you find a sex tape with your parents you find you find your dad's sex toys, lingerie. You find a sex tape with your parents. You find your dad's sex toys and lingerie. None of that even comes close to if you open up a drawer

or a fucking closet or a box that belongs to your mother. And there's a pair of goddamn gloves designed to be able to spread your butt. Oily as shit. Freshly used. Ask your mom. Imagine you walk in and say, you know, your mom's in the garage wearing a pair of gloves one day like that.

Holy shit. The gape gloves. Gape gloves exist. Lenina Crown tells us what the fuck gape gloves are. Let's see what this YouTube's about. I mean, this is special. Gape gloves is a deep cut. Gape gloves is like knowing the San Francisco Armory.

Like, you are a real one if you know what that means and what that's about. I never thought, could I have an Etsy link to these gloves? I can't find them on Etsy. Are people making game gloves on Etsy, man? Are people making game gloves on Etsy? Of course, he's a German. You fucking perverts. Oh, is this the game gloves here. These are my favorite gloves

This are open open your sphincter This shit's got all the fucking supplements and shit here we go. Oh my god the mom because it's going to be easier because the cleaner you already are than the cleaner you already are and of course we must talk about the gape gloves i forgot about gape gloves this fucking pervert here i love the gape gloves now would you say those gloves would fit me if I wanted? Here we go. Let's keep going. They're so powerful. They're so powerful.

They are powerful. The heart is not so big. Are these something that you sell? No, I actually bought them online. I bought them on Etsy. Well, you should make your own and sell them. Mark, you'll need to explain to Dan what they're for.

Oh, here we go. Just for keeping your hands warm. Oh, yeah. I've seen tons of different... I've seen people use them in scenes. Oh, okay. Yeah, I've seen countless... Because it was one...

Hey, Dan, why don't you let her describe him, fucking idiot? You're ruining the moment, Dan. You fucking let the moment breathe. Alright, he's a fucking Italian asshole. I've seen the girls using him before. I've seen people use him in scenes. Oh, okay. Yeah, of course.

It's a popular thing in America for like Shreiner with Michael Giano to have these girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. A long time ago started a performer who had HIV, and he didn't want to infect girls. This is before we realized how, and he was using gloves. What?

I don't think that guy knew what HIV was. How about, first of all, that's not, yeah, that doesn't matter. Second of all, talk about sucking the air out of a room. Shut the fuck up, bro. We're talking about gape gloves, not the AIDS, bro. Let the fucking hot chick describe what gape gloves are and keep the AIDS in your fucking mouth. Let the girl talk about her anal sex equipment. Shut the fuck up.

Because he wasn't having sex with the girls. Oh, he was just doing the gaping bit. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You got to see that one. He was doing the gaping bit. He went like this. Because he wasn't having sex with the girls. Oh, he was just doing the gaping bit.

Doing the gaping bit. That's a Randy Moss fucking end zone dance. Ah! Wait, what was that laugh about? Things evolve. Yeah. Things evolve. Fuck you.

And things evolve. Yeah. And then somehow it became popular. But so, yeah. So I understand with the gloves. There's that glove, which is for the... And then there's the bad gloves with the lidocaine

gloves which is completely different because the lidocaine glove guy takes his glove off after time when a lidocaine

does that you should make your own gloves you should make your own branded gloves yeah maybe you know I could

put my logo on there put like an LC logo and like a crown yeah I could have my logo.

Hilarious. If people like Danny can make him like a boss. Who the fuck is this Dan guy? That is such a funny fucking pin by you. That is like... I don't think I've ever... Clearly, there's one conversation. I don't know how many conversations in the whole world

have ever occurred about gay plugs I think that's a pretty niche topic I mean everyone's seen them Not everyone Most people John I'm gonna tell you You were talking about Drake being prolific Mikey Drown's prolific

That motherfucker's everywhere at all times You gotta understand how many like vanilla people are out there Bro it's just anal sex I think that's just regular sex. It's anal sex with, like, special gloves and equipment for it, John. He puts speculums in girls and shit. He's pretty fucking out there. Speculums on the fucking...

That's fucking part of canon now. That's porn canon. That's what I mean. I don't think it is. I think that we're fucked. Ah, man, I hope not. We are, definitely. No.

All right, well, how about this? If we're fucked, everyone who listens to this show is fucked. Well, that's definitely true. So you're right. So then in that case, we're in the trust tree, basically. The way that Mike Adriano's dick comes out of the side of the camera, it's almost like you're wearing 3D goggles. It's just crazy.

It's like the way a shark comes by an aquarium. You know, like if you're looking at the aquarium wall, and all of a sudden like a giant whale or a manatee or something just floats out it's just like whoa that thing and he's got his own gloves and he fucking puts it in these gloves are so funny what we've learned today is everyone on the fucking true anal set has aids yeah what that like what was that about yeah there was the guy with the gloves because he had AIDS. What? What? Bro, I remember when I fucking wrote a blog way back in the day, like early. Oh, you had some ignorant talk about AIDS.

Like really. You used to think you could catch it. You used to run away from the kids or something, right? No, it was my roommate. That was another one that was super. You thought you could catch something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even more offensive than AIDS.

My roommate fucking... He worked... I never actually believed this. I was making jokes on the internet back when these kind of jokes were okay. Yeah, back when that was allowed. But he worked for a guy who had AIDS. And they worked out of his apartment. And he'd be like, yeah, he uses his computer all the time. I'm like, what if there's a fucking cum on his computer? And you come home and give me a high five and I have a cum who had AIDS. And they worked out of his apartment. And he'd be like, yeah, I use this computer all the time.

I'm like, well, what if there's a fucking cum on this computer? And you come home and give me a high five and I have a cut on my hand. I was kind of kidding, but as I say it out loud, it's not completely logical. I don't understand. I think almost everybody, I would imagine, went through a paranoid hangnail phase that you think you can get it from having a cut on your fingers. Oh, I didn't do that. Now I'm about to hit it.

I'm going through my phase starting now. I don't know why. Because I still kind of feel that way. It's like I know that if it's in the air, you can't get it. So that I understand. Come on the keyboard, it's dead. But if things are sealed and I've got like a hangnail cut, why not? Why not?

Yeah, why? I don't know. But Google said you can't. It's like I don't know, but Google said you can't. It's like, I don't know about that one, Google. Google's been wrong before. I, a 33-year-old male, have been married to my wife, a 29-year-old female, for seven years. We've discussed having kids, but we, see, like, right there.

You can't be 32 years old and married for seven years. That's just, you got married too young. We have discussed having kids before, but we always said we'll wait a couple years Until our careers are more stable We've been enjoying our child free lives But about a year back we decided Things were going pretty well for us And thought it was about time we had our baby

Working from home also frees up a lot of time For extracurricular activities We haven't had any luck so far But we're mentally having the When it happens it happens mentality It's very frustrating reading Reddit writers They're mentally having the when it happens, it happens mentality. It's very frustrating reading Reddit writers because they're not very good at it.

So we're not rushing anything. Sometime around October last year, wife suggested that we get a puppy. We're both animal lovers and we thought it was a great time since both of us would be at home and we could watch over it and house train it. We got the puppy and we both love him dearly. But ever since we got him, I've had to bathe,

feed, and clean up after him. Don't get me wrong, she helps out as well, but I would say it's a 90-10% ratio. It gets extremely tiring after a while, and sometimes I want to kick my feet up, have a beer, and watch TV without being interrupted with, hey, the puppy just peed. Can you come clean it up? That's an insane question to ask.

It carried on for a couple months and a couple of nights ago, after a long Zoom session for work, I exploded and told her that she needs to do her question to ask um it carried on for a couple months and a couple of nights ago a couple couple of nights ago after a long zoom session for work i exploded and told her that she needs to do her share of looking around after the puppy and i'm tired of being the one who does all the work she told me i was being calculative and trying to undermine her i told her where'd we go here i told her i absolutely told her she told me i was uh She just sucks at taking care of dogs. Yeah, I told her that it's clear that I've been doing all the work

and all that she wants to do is play with the puppy. This is where I might have gone too far. I told her I can't trust her to look after our puppy. How can I trust her looking after a baby? We had a baby. I won't be able to clean up after him all the time. And she had to do her share as well. She screamed at me, burst into tears, and left the house.

She's been saying it to her parents for a few days now. But things don't really seem to be improving. Her parents are telling me it's a horrible thing to say, as looking after the puppy is not the same as a baby. Whatever. You know why she's crying so much? She knows he's right. I will say, I do get very annoyed when people talk about

having a dog being the same as a baby because it's wildly not. But in this case, it's like if you can't do one, you probably can't do the other. But also at the same time, I don't know. There's no genetic connection to a dog. That's what I'm saying. I've had iguanas and I was like, I don't care if you die or not.

You had an iguana? He said iguanas. You pluralized that. Like cigars. No, I think it was only one. It was Godzilla. That's a good iguana name He said iguanas. You pluralized that. Like cigars. No, I think it was only one. It was Godzilla, but... That's a good iguana name. Solid.

I was like, yeah. You know, I would have named my iguana King Kong, just to fuck. Yeah. That's why you're fucking twisted, little bro. He would get out and I wouldn't even tell my parents. Wherever he is. I had a lizard once and I let it go. So it was a chameleon, so I used to put cool shit in the tank to colorful,

you know what I mean? And then one time it got spots all over it, and I was looking at the cage, and I was like, there's nothing in there that's spotted. I think you just had some weird disease, and I just let him go in the backyard. I was like, I don't know. So it was probably somewhere in the woods of Pennsylvania. There was a freak fucking giant lizard running around. Anyway, I do think when chicks have uh babies they you know

something kicks in they become different if she's a bad annoying yeah and then they really want to take care of the kids but if you really think she'll be bad have the kid just be like this is you this is your thing and then hit her with the biggest told you so right as soon as that little tiny casket is going into the ground. Won't it be sweet? Won't it be sweet when you look at her, your mouth in it to her? Whispering it to her in the service? Yeah. I fucking told you this was going to happen.

You only need one pallbearer. He's holding it like a pizza. Honestly, it's crazy, but that would be the biggest, the best feeling of I'm right ever. You only need one year on that tombstone. You save

money. This is the most offensive segment in this podcast. I need you to... We got to play the tape. I truly gasped when he said, casket. I was like... What did I tell you?

That's got to be the best feeling. Like vindication. If there's anything to brighten up the day your kid dies, it's like, that you called it. High-fiving your buds like, fucking, holy shit was coming down the pipeline, man. I saw it coming from a mile away. And you didn't stop it? Sometimes you've got to prove a point, Rick. You know how they usually lower them into the –

Yeah. You just drop it. It doesn't even make a noise. Drop it and you stand there and you do the Jordan drug. Look, Rick, if I didn't let her kill this kid, she was just going to keep asking me about it. How else was she going to learn? Mine is – it's lesser than it used to be. I used to have tobacco in it.

I used to have chewing tobacco. I used to have tobacco in it. I used to have chewing tobacco. I used to have weed in it. I no longer have either of those two things. So I basically just have my remote control, my clicker, and a lot of frozen. I mean, I have frozen candies, sour ones in there, and then I have frozen peanut butter cups in there. That's basically it.

And I like to eat them together, which I don't know if I've told you that before. I've been on a hot streak of that. What are you doing? I put the frozen sour patch, frozen candy. You're doing like sour candy with peanut butter cups at the same time? It's unbelievable. Oh, I got a combination of that. Bro, it's so fucking good.

It is. Because what happens is it's a peanut butter and jelly with a little spice on it. Yeah. It's fucking divine. No. It's so good. No. No.

We're not doing peanut butter cups with sound effects. Bro, it's a spicy peanut butter and jelly. No. It's fucking unbelievable. No. No. We're not doing peanut butter cups with sauerkraut. Oh, it's a spicy peanut butter and jelly. No. It's fucking unbelievable. No. Everyone's doing it. No one's tried it yet. Can you do it?

No. Can you run down to the winery real quick? No. Just for the family. Oh, I'll eat it. Just have a couple of fucking. That's the second weirdest combination I've heard in the past 24 hours. Last night my roommate goes – like my mom was in town and my little brother.

He's like, hey, I'm going to make dinner for you guys. I'm making chili and cinnamon rolls. And I'm like – Oh, that's fucking – What's his dick? Love that. I'm like, that's a weird combo to have together. And I was like, yeah, I guess for dessert we'll have cinnamon rolls and chili.

Fucking, I look over, he's scooping it. Who, somebody real? Will Compton, I believe, is a big advocate of that. Yeah, he said it's a big Iowa thing. It's Stephan. He's our fucking tech guy. And he's just, I look over, he's scooping with it. I didn't try it.

I fucking, I should have tried it before I talked shit about it. I'm more inclined to try that than this fucking shit. Can we just hear? Get a big old bag of fucking SBKs. Big old bag of PBCs. Reese's peanut butter cups. Justin's that they have. Nah, get Reese's for it.

Well, get Reese's, please. This is, oh, my nips are hard just thinking about it. It is fucking, fucking creamy. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. No free ads. Yeah, these are fucking random sour candy.

My mouth just started watering at the sight of Reese's Beets. I'm such a fucking fat kid. Alright. Ready? Oh, man. I'm such a fucking fat kid. Ready? Oh, man. I'm fucking hard. Oh, man.

Long. Wait. Wait. It's like a B-B-J. Spicy B-B-J! It is like a B butter and cheese. Ha ha ha! Spicy BBJ! It tastes like a BBJ. He's right. I don't like it, but it does taste like a peanut butter and cheese.

Yep. I've been whacking the fuck out of you, dude. Bro, I just sit in bed like this. Oh, no. You want to try one? I got to try it. like this. Oh, no. Everyone want to try one? I got to try it. Go on. It really is.

It really is like a peanut butter dog sandwich. It's crazy. It's just crazy. It's like so good. I get it. I get it. It's fucking. My pocket is just full to the brim.

With those anestKs. But I usually get, I have the individual Reese's, individual Justin's, and I know the exact recipe for that. It's two SPKs to one mini cup. That makes sense. It's a little harder to do with this. Right, right, right. To get like the...

You've just been smashing those, haven't you? Fucking hammering. Bro, I ate those from 8 o'clock this morning until 11 a.m. before I got out of bed. Three hours of that shit? Man, that's great.

I love the edge of the... I don't know how that happens. It's a PBJ. Not yet, I's great. I love the edge of the peanut butter cup. I don't know how that happens. It's a PBJ. Not yet. I'm cutting. I mean, spicy PBJs is the only way to call it, and it is. So get two to a bite. It's two to like a mini cup.

You know what I mean? Like the individually wrapped cups. You want one of these? You're not smoking. You're all set? What does that mean? I'm allergic to peanut butter. Oh, yeah.

You are gay. I didn't want to say this. I have never brought this up. You guys have had peanut butter in here, and I'm like, I didn't want to say this. I have never brought this up. You guys have had peanut butter in here and I'm like, I don't care. I'm not going to do anything about it because I knew you two make fun of anyone who does. That's why he's gay. That's why he's gay. This entire thing, entire time

I've worked on this podcast, I've tried to get away with not being gay. I was really hoping this wasn't going to be the time. He was in like 6th grade. He was in 6th grade. He was in sixth grade. Couldn't have any peanut butter. And he was like, I'm going to fuck guys. I'm not a normal boy. I'm going to fuck boys because I can't have peanut butter.

Obviously, you can be in the room, right? Well, allegedly. I will find out. To be clear, I did not know that before I sent them to buy peanut butter. That is pretty funny. I did. I totally forgot. This will kill me.

My bad. No thanks. I'll die. What was the first one? Yeah, sorry. I just started eating the sour patch. Oh, God. It's so good.

This is the best snack. I mean, I'd still rather just have regular Not me Not me Nick Yeah it's like somebody poured a bunch of sugar In a PB&J Sponsored PB&J

Chief's apartment 800 bucks in Hoboken 800 bucks It was great Three guys 2400 bucks total We had a backyard We all had a bedroom

The problem was I lived right above a guy named the book man this dude so this apartment was old and like this you know this wooden door to the apartment that like would expand and you had to kind of like jam your way in. So things like that that weren't like great and like old appliances and linoleum on the floor. But like for what we were, we were fresh out of college. It was my first apartment that I moved out of home for. It was in Hoboken, downtown, backyard, my own bedroom, big space.

Couldn't ask for more. But the book man lived underneath us and i remember so my two buddies moved in there was three guys living in the apartment and then one one dipped out and i filled in so and so i got his bedroom and uh that so the two guys who had already lived there they were like uh just to let you know our downstairs neighbor is a little bit weird and i was like we're on the first floor. And they were like, yeah, he lives in the basement. Okay.

And again, this is an old building, so it's not like it's a furnished basement. It was like a cellar. Really? It was like a cellar, man. So my room was directly in line with the entrance. So if you imagine a backyard of this like i think it was a three-story building so it wasn't like an apartment building it's a little house and you had to like go down these steps to get into this door and like that's where my window

was it was like right by the steps to get in so often, a few times a week, he would just be going, Where the fuck are my books? Shut up. My books. They're missing. Where the fuck are my books? Bro, that dude was a prisoner. And he did not get the new library cart to come by.

This dude was crazy. I legit think that might have been it maybe. In his mind, he was still living in a prison. I think he just was. Was in a prison. No, because we would see him. Then I would be leaving the apartment. And he would come up and I would walk out.

And it would be like, hey, man. Hi. That wouldn't be a hey, man. Hello. Hello. Just totally normal? Totally normal. Presumably went somewhere to work and then came home, lived alone, presumably paid rent to live there.

Lord, I hope it was like no more than like $ hundred dollars a month but you know i think he had a life but clearly like a schizophrenic psychotic multiple personality flipped the switch when he went down there and just became the book man so i don't know what it was i mean we used to joke it was like seinfeld you know remember the episode with the bookman yeah yeah bookman like this dude just would scream where are my books and like every now and then, you know, you have a girl over and the book man goes off.

You're like, oh, it's just book man, don't worry. Get back, get back down there. It's just book man. You know,

like, I mean. This guy's gonna come kill us. Better hurry up then. Better finish up and have a book ready. Better run from a book. I remember thinking.

You told people that. You guys should have read people like that You had people over and you just whatever he yelled you guys just started scrambling

Find the books Find the books He's read that one Catcher in the Rye I know We gave that last time Get him the Gatsby He'll love great Gatsby

What do you mean If you don't love the book you have a fucking book ready and 45 seconds you're gonna enter a world of pain you've never experienced not a drill not a drill find a book Find a novel of any kind. I would jump out a window. If you did that when I was in the apartment, I would do you. It's just a gif of a guy cannonballing out a window.

I'd just sprint and fucking. Right through the glass. Fuck. I'd have a book on me. I'm in the apartment with 22-year-olds. I'm going to be a bookkeeper for at least six to eight years. Your best bet is like a phone book or something from the past, a Bible or some shit.

I grab a receipt and start trying to write a tale. Here's my book. There was an orange. Imagine the book man shows up. You hear him yelling about books. We scramble, and he comes up into the room. He comes up in the apartment with his fucking AK. And it's like you have to present it to him.

So it's like he looks at the book. He's kind of like, okay, you're good. He looks at it, flips. He's like thinking about it. He's like, okay, you're good. He gets to you you and you're like You have like a magazine Here's Maxim and he looks at it and he's just like

Just one to the head Pow you're dead where's the next book Imagine having to offer up You have sacrificial books Cause the book man's coming We should have we should have like left piles of books

at his door in the hopes of like one day when he does come shoot the place up like Billy Madison he's going to cross our names off like these guys gave me books

we're all good he's a different 1B he's in jewelry the book man dude I made the mistake of typing in POV torture video and just a bunch of porn yeah

lotofkink.com. Send me those results. Send me those hits. The San Francisco Armory. Oh. That didn't get the reaction I wished it did. That took me a moment. If that takes me a moment, they're not going to know.

But, boy, that place. We should do a video. We should do a moment. If that takes me a moment, they're not going to know. But boy, that place. We should do a video. We should do a video. What's that called, Nick? Is that just B-roll? I mean, come on. You guys all know what I'm fucking talking about. I don't think they do. No, they definitely don't. Do you know? Yeah.

I mean, brother, you got to understand. We are deviants. There's very few of us who live our lifestyle. What's it called, Nick, when Friends is on and before they come back from commercial and it just shows a picture of the building and then they go inside? It's an establishing shot. An establishing shot. Okay.

This means nothing to you? No. Yeah. Bro, bro. You are so miscalibrated on this. Just closer to my face. She's definitely not going to know. I knew Jackie was going to.

I thought Nick might. What about this little fucking guy? I don't think they do gay stuff. I don't think they do gay stuff. Show it to him. I was just about to say, I don't watch street porn. I guarantee Kink has some gay shit. Nothing?

Minor, minorly. We should do a skit. I think there's another version. Now, okay, here's what I will say. I know this building. I'm a tad concerned that you knew it was the San Francisco armor.

Like, you could have said to me, you know that castle building in kink.com videos? And I would have said yes. When you said the San Francisco Armory, that is a seriously deep cut. I mean, this Reddit page says the San Francisco Armory, which some of you may recognize. I mean, this is up there with the black leather couch. But I did not know what. Well, I knew, Kevin. Okay.

I knew. I mean, that is very, very, very funny. But we should do some sort of skit where the establishing shot is the San Francisco Armory. And then we just find a basement somewhere. Like, imagine that. If we do some, we're doing just some normal stuff inside the San Francisco Armory. And then we just find a basement somewhere. Imagine that. If we're doing just some normal stuff inside the San Francisco Armory, and then

we hear two rooms down and you hear a cat of nine tails slapping on someone. You're like, I'm just trying to... It's like a WeWork. Imagine if you had a WeWork in the San Francisco Armory. We're just here with our little upstart, our little online store. We share a space with these people down the block.

You just hear fucking tasers going off the whole time. Is that milk coming out of that room? What's going on there? I'm casually eating a sandwich. We all hear it, right? Yeah. That's a fucking fucking skit. We gotta do that.

We all know what's going on here. I'm not gonna say anything, but we all hear this. We don't need to talk about it. We don't need to say anything. But we all know what's happening here, right? The San Francisco Armory. Why do you know that? In this episode.

Yeah. Why do you know that, John? I don't know, Kevin. John, why do you know that? John, we're not doing voiceovers until you tell me why you know that. Until we figure out why you know that. I don't know. Why do you know that?

Tell me. Why do you know that? Did you Google it? Were you like kink.com castle i gotta know where they film this i would for sure call that the kink.com castle the san francisco armory the fucking i just googled it one day so we can go hang out outside i don't know why but gary v and bud and Buddha Ben are now just hanging out on FaceTime. Talking NFTs, Buddha Ben and Gary Vee.

What a fucking world. The San Francisco Armory has got to be the most specific porn reference of all time. Of all time. I think I probably... Okay, so if I had to guess, I read an article once in GQ about James Dean. Right. And they went... If I had to guess,

here's this incredibly specific tale of events, chain of events that's going to lead to the answer. I think we know, John. He did a kink scene. And I don't remember them specifically referencing the San Francisco Armory, but they were on location at a kink scene, and they must have mentioned it there.

Just do a control F for San Francisco. National Guard Armory. Yeah, kinks. Kinks, yeah. Okay. There it is. Not that weird. I will say, but then you did put together San Francisco.

It doesn't say San Francisco Armory there. It says an armory. I'm going to figure out what armory this is. John went to some other armory. He's like, damn it. I thought it was the Boston Armory. I thought I was going to find out. Why aren't they being more specific?

Do you ever yes no like we're talking about how awesome the show is and down right do you ever just drop down to your goddamn knees and think about the butterfly effect that it took to get here because that was one of the funniest moments of my life. And it will stick with me forever. And so we had to start this episode and talk about all the things we talked about. The only chain of events that would lead to that, you know? If we didn't bring up QAnon, we wouldn't have brought up this. And if that didn't come up, we wouldn't have brought that. And it all led to you knowing the San Francisco Armory.

Honestly, I thought that was a reference that was going to crush. And it fell on deaf ears. He does this thing. I love when he does this to you. He goes, that didn't work. I didn't get the response I was looking for. It's my favorite Final Burn thing. That went over like a lead balloon.

So fucking good. The San Francisco, like... You know what? I'm going to do this right before this episode goes out. I'm just going to put out a poll. How many of you know what this, like... How should I wear this? Does this phrase mean anything to you?

Does this... Does the San Francisco Armory... Yeah, if? Does the San Francisco Armory... Yeah, if I said the San Francisco Armory, do you know what I'm talking about? Right. If I... I was going to say, if I said, quote, the San Francisco Armory,

would you know what reference I'm making? Yeah. Yeah, okay. If I said, quote, the San... I think this is going to be 100% no. The first 100% No, I got a few fucking couple real ones.

It's going to be like the founders of kink.com. Me and Fyter in a DM group, we talk about it all the time. How about this? You're so far off the mark. Do you guys even know what kink.com is? You do? You don't. Do you guys even know what kink.com is? You do? You don't.

Do you? Okay. Because I think that's even kind of... Really? Kink hasn't put out much in a little while. They have been slacking. I've bought multiple kink.com memberships. I bought kink.com memberships for other people.

For like a chick? Yeah, just so you know. You might want to start watching this guy's stuff. Wow. That's a move. Like, yeah, this is in your future. Yeah. No, I never did any of it.

Because I don't want to tie knots. Because I dropped out of the Boy Scouts. Because I never got that patch in Cub Scouts. I don't know how to tie knots! Alright, the buddy went over the tree. Let's see. Two words to you. Three words to you three words to you and oh oh how i hope you don't know what i'm talking about adriana chechik instagram i mean i know what you're what do you mean how am i not gonna

know what you're talking about it's a recent post um i think i saw her story recently um mike bring it up well i saw wait hey i gotta find it but she might have deleted it i i didn't i didn't see her it was her on lena the plugs yup that's what you're talking about how she broke her neck from y', why did that come... I actually don't think I follow either of them. Why was this on my story? On my feed? Instagram's been doing a lot of suggested for you lately that...

I don't know. It's probably... I sent this to you. No, you sent me. I know of the... I know this show exists. Yeah, so Len of the Plug Has a new show called Plug Talk And

Adriana Yeah And Adriana Cechik Is the first Guest on it And she said that she has Busted vertebrae At the top of her neck

From doing the pile driver Position so often Hang on we know Like we have to Like we have to find This Clip It's awesome

How is this just on my feed? I can't believe it. I thought I followed it or something. She's so gangster that she just keeps doing it. And it's like, yeah, man. No, I'm a pro. Wow, Lena. Just to set this up, these are injuries Adrian Chachek has suffered

having sex. And not the position I thought it would be. I have a pinched nerve. And a wrestler. And yeah, my C6 and 7 are out of place. The disc slipped. And then my brain stem actually comes out of pocket a little bit. And I know for a fact it's pile driver from bending my head like this

and having that like constant impact. So do you not do that position anymore? I mean, I try not to, but it's really hard because it's kind of like, it's like my move. She's committed to the hard work. I went to the orthopedic and he was like, you can't. And I was like, but this is like, but look. This is like my move.

Yeah, I showed him. So you go to the doctor and just tell him all this crazy stuff, the positions you're doing? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Bro. I mean, that is, she's committed to the art though. Dang shit. That is. That's like.

That's fucking, fucking Ronnie Lott. Yeah. Just chop my finger off. That's like. That's fucking Ronnie Lott. Yeah. Just chop my finger off. Let's go. I don't give a shit. Only is fucking with your brain stem. That is. Adrian Cechik is a 1990s linebacker of porn stars.

Right. Just like, fuck it. I know I'm going to die from it. I don't give a shit. Right. Donate my body to science. I just want to contact bodies. Dude, that position absolutely would destroy your neck and brain.

If you do that position more than like once in your whole life, that's something you do to check off and be like, I did it. Yeah. The guy doing it, you're like doing that squat thing. The girl doing it is like, oh my God. Okay, we did it. We're done. It's over.

She does it like every fucking time. I'll be honest. I also don't know if I would have said that's her. If you asked me what's Adriana's move, I would have said probably. I don't know if she, like, it's all her move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of it's her. It's all her.

I would say, like, three dicks in your ass. Yeah, I would. I would say too many cock and ass is, like, the Chechik move. That's what she does. I would say, like, it's just entirely too much spit is an Adriana move. We are in contact with Adriana too. She'll be on the show eventually. When the geography of it all works out,

we will be on the show together. That clip, I was aghast. When she says, because I was like, oh wow, she's never going to do a fucking pile driver anymore. No, no, no. She ain't stopping. She is like a wrestler. Well, I try driver anymore. No, no, no. She didn't stop it.

She was like. She is like a wrestler. Well, I try to stop. Dude, like that. Honestly, Adam says it best. Like, that is like a wrestler who it's like, if you do another tombstone pile driver, like, you're going to die. And it's like, well, that's what the fans need, man. I got to jump off the top rope. Like, mankind.

Like, I got to get hit in the head with a chair. I got to throw myself on the top of the LMSL. That's what they're expecting. She is the ultimate. It's like, Adrian, no, it's okay. We'll just watch you get fucked every other way. You don't need to fuck

with your brain stem, girl. The porn world needs to step in and be like, hashtag, thank you, Adriana. And be like, we don't need you to break your fucking vertebrae anymore. Adriana, we want you around for a long time. Have a good time. Right.

I'll make Adriana Cechik a solemn promise right here. If you never do Piledriver ever again, I will still watch every scene you do. That's a promise. I will not end an Adriana Cechik scene with a fucking belly full of cum. Belly full of cum. Thinking, oh, I wish you got pile driver. As a matter of fact, now, if I see her doing pile driver, I'm probably not going to cum. But the whole time I'll be thinking, that poor girl's neck.

Your body, it's all out of whack. Her brain stem is fucked. Come on, let her up. I get a text from Frankie over the weekend. Well, actually, we were talking about some other shit. I think we were talking about a mutual friend, right? We were just having a normal conversation. And then Frankie is like, oh, and by the way.

And that's what really makes it as funny. I'll get the exact wording of it because to bring this conversation up in general is obviously silly um but but the way it just drops in so yeah i did an interview on um the show brilliantly dumb frankie knows the guy from long island so we're just talking about that and him and his career and then he goes oh bro by the way trent and i had a debate on our way to the golf course yesterday. John? This is John's first time hearing it. If there was a toll booth on the road, and instead of a money transaction, it's a guy standing there with his cock out,

and you got to just grab it and give it a pull to get through, do you want the guy to be hard or soft? Now, before we even start answering, like, where did this come from? You know, we were on the road for like seven or eight days, and we're going through all these. It's got to be from his brain, right? Oh, yeah. He thinks of these things like that. We're going through all these crazy, you know, mountainous drives and all this stuff. And I think we saw this road called like hard rock road or something like that.

And I was like, Trent, you want to take a little spin down hard cock road? It was one of those dumb, just in the car jokes. Right. And then I said, what would happen on hard cock road?

Because you know, the joke was over, but I'm still sitting there thinking like, if there was a fucking street called hard cock road, what would happen if you fucking pulled down that street and there's a dude standing there being like, all right, like you got to give me a pull and then you got to go.

And then the fucking thing comes up after you yank his cock. So I said to Trent, what would you, like, what's the ideal position of that man? Now, I think this is a no brainer. I think so too. Okay. And I think we're going to be on the same page. And there's a person here who disagrees with us and it's fucking insanity. So I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to count to three, and you either say hard or soft.

Okay. Okay? One, two, three. Hard. Fucking Trent. He wants a soft dick. Why? I didn't like touching my own soft dick.

I can't imagine someone else's. Like, you got to think about it logically. You got to get, the back of your knuckles are brushing into that guy's sack. You got to push into his soft ball sack to get around his soft penis. You've got to lift it off the nut. To pick it up. And then go, honk, honk. And then you've got to drop it back down and it goes up.

We weren't actually doing it in the car, but we were doing it with our hands. Where if your dick is pressed up against the balls, you have to get under there and grip it. It was just a gut reaction. If it was me, I'd pinch it by the head. That's how I'd... Think of the man. Grab the

lip. Would you go like the tip or the lip? I'd grab it by the head. Like the pee hole? Well, not the hole. That's what I'm saying. I think I would grab the ledge of your tip. Dude, dude. You know?

Bro, think about traffic. This is a fucking traffic. So then you've got to really start to think about like the logistics now. Because let's say I'm thinking to myself when we used to drive down to the Jersey Shore and there would be five hours worth of traffic. Wait, let's see what you're talking about. I'm just pinching like right there. Yeah of traffic. I'm just pinching right there. I'm grabbing that part right there.

Like the ledge. Oh, you're pinching the ledge. If you're circumcised and I can just grab I don't want to grab the tip. I just want to grab that little ledge. I don't want to do any of this. I just want it to be a hard cock so I can just go Okay, alright.

I'm thinking of it like bop it. As things usually go when we get in arguments about this because we're yelling at each other I wanted to be a hard cock, so I just go. Okay, all right. I'm thinking of it like bop it. You know, bop it. Twist it. I just want to go. As things usually go when we get in arguments about this, because we're yelling at each other in the car about it, where Frankie then ends up making a good point for my side of it, where I hadn't even thought about it. Where, all right, you're talking about traffic jam, right? You think about lines and lines and lines of cars.

It's just endless. And if you, so this guy's getting his dick yanked thousands, hundreds of times. And by the time. He's getting the hand job. He's getting the hand job. He's getting the hand job. These people are running a train on him masturbation. They only got to get home and they got to get to work. That's just what it is.

It's like a very hellish hand job. Because like, you get two dogs, like, okay, if you kept going for ten more seconds, I'd get there. And then like, then they move out. And the next one is like, come on! Okay. Think about it. This guy is getting a stig tantric yoga handjob for seven hours. It's just building

up, building up, building up. You guys are making my point for me. The 21 unlucky guy. Right, because now you're in the traffic jam. You were saying, Frankie, you're now counting the cars because you can see up there that this guy is hard and he's been getting jerked off for hours.

He's sweating. He's red. He's like, I just need to cum so bad and you might be the guy. And this is a point for the soft dick where if you get there early,

if you get off work early or if you go to work early, it's a very soft dick. Yeah, you got to peel it off the balls but you're not running the risk. Also, you guys are in Vegas

when you're talking about this. This is sweaty balls and sweaty dick. But there is a chance that you go up there. It's almost like hot potato or musical chairs, one of those things where you're the last guy, where you're like, give it a tug, and it just comes over you. Dude, I'm going to paint a scenario for you right now. You've got a mid-30s guy.

He's a fucking accountant. He hates his life, right? His wife hates him. The whole fucking thing. He just put the kids. He put them's a fucking accountant. He hates his life, right? His wife hates him. The whole fucking thing. He just put the kids, he put them on a fucking bus. He's driving to work. He sees the traffic's building up. He hates his job. His boss is calling

him. He's late. He's got TPS reports to fill out. And all of a sudden he's in fucking traffic on Hardcock Road. He goes, no fucking way. He's counting the amount of cars. He's seeing the fucking guy out there and he's getting going, right? Like, this guy is like, oh, fucking yeah. And he's like, rush hour, baby.

He goes, am I going to fucking happen to me again today? And he's going, one, two, three. He gets up to that guy's car and the guy's fucking knocking on the window. Like, come on, bro. It's about to happen. The guy's like, fuck my fucking life, dude. Fuck my fucking life, bro. It's about to happen. The guy's like, fuck my fucking life, dude. Fuck my fucking life, man.

And he just pulls, and the guy just blows a load right out of his fucking face. What a way to work, man. Are you kidding me? You got to cock the shotgun yourself to kill him. Dude, when he's rolling up, he sees the guy's fucking, like, his body being like, come on. Come on. Come on. It's you.

It's you. He's pointing at him you he's pointing at him he's pointing at him come on next come on up pull up pull up let's go

there's a guy there's a guy the cock just points it out of the line like hey he's long enough I know what car it is he's like

he's like 27 28 29 Mr. 29 it's you come on now I've been working hard cocked home for 20 years I know what fucking car He's like 27, 28, 29. Mr. 29, it's you. Come on now. I've been working hard cock-toe booth for 20 years.

I know what fucking car I'm coming on. It's going to be you, motherfucker. And then you know what the worst is, too. We're going to end up looking like a bully at recess with dodgeball. It's you. Dude, and as each person's pulling on him, He's just making eye contact with the guy He's gotta flip the windshield wipers on after He wipes it off his glasses He's cleaning it off his fucking windshield

And you know what too When you're in those traffic jams And you don't You don't hit it, go. Sometimes you're stuck in that little – so you pull that and he comes on you and there's still traffic. And you're just sitting there like – Oh, fuck my life. This guy would have built – remember in – I think it was Ecuador or Nicaragua or something like that.

This is an old school bar school blog about how – Strike? The woman's strike about how they wouldn't fuck their husbands until there was a road built into town. Yeah. And like it was built in like a weekend. Right. It was that fast. This is the guy who would fix traffic in that like he would – You know how like with the issue of traffic is that like the human brain takes a second to be like, okay, time to go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where if all cars just went at the same time, we'd be fine. He would invent the system that just made cars all go at the same time so he could just get too quick, too quick, too quick. It would be one hand. Yeah. Oh my God, dude.

So while, yes. I feel like we just made the point for soft dick pretty heavily. But there's one in probably 5,000. How many cars go through there a day? We're like, that might happen to you. Slim chance. What's definitely going to happen to you is balls on your fingers and soft penis in your hand. You're going to feel the heat from the soft penis.

You know what I mean? You're getting like the post-cum penis. I think if you're pulling a hard penis. I think if you're pulling a hard penis. That guy just came and you're. I think if you're holding a hard penis, you don't even really know you're holding a penis. Right. I think if you're holding a soft penis, you know you're holding a penis. You're feeling the nubs and the reds.

A soft penis might as well be this thing right here. I could be holding. That's just a flesh-colored pole. Yeah. But a soft penis, I know that's a penis. You're feeling skin. You're feeling wrinkles. You're feeling hairs.

You're feeling. A mystery box. Right. If you put your hand in a mystery box and you grab a soft dick, you'd be like, that's a dick. You're feeling skin. You're feeling wrinkles. You're feeling hairs. You're feeling. A mystery box? Yeah. If you put your hand in a mystery box and you grab a soft dick, you'd be like, that's a dick. If you reach in and grab a hard dick, if you got it on the shaft, you'd be like, this could be. Could be a dildo.

Could be anything. Could be a finger maybe. I'm not really sure what this is. But if you touch a soft dick, you know I'm touching dick. And again, the balls. You know? Okay. The balls are non-factor to me because I'm grabbing the tip.

He might be like, no tip today. You can't grab the tip. I know who you are. My tip is fucking raw. You're here at 530 every morning and you can't grab the tip of my dick anymore. I wouldn't feel good. People pinching your tip all day long. So you're going to go pinch one hand and grab with the other? Yeah, I'd pull it up and then I'd grab it.

I would maybe do a pinch and grab. Flop it up and then... Yeah, but then you might punch it out of the balls. And then you've got to, like, squeeze a cock. I think... And then you're going to... A squishy cock is no good. You're going to give a...

A squishy dick might as well be a rat. You know how they say rats can just fit in any mold? Oh, yeah. You could just fucking... You could squeeze a soft dick into this fucking thing right here. You say that though. I'll go to the bathroom real quick. I'm just thinking

it's hard enough to get a soft dick into a goddamn vagina. Have you ever tried that? You can get it. I'm not saying it's the easiest thing in the world. Rats gotta get themselves pretty small to fit under a door but he can do it. You ever try to pee into one of those things while you're driving? Oh, yeah.

It's fucking hard. That? Oh, yeah. This is so much easier. That is right, but it's a fucking – it's like the Olympics trying to do that. You've got to line up with just the hole. But it also is – I peed into a soda can.

Oh. That's a sharp – That's top. You are living on the edge. I didn't do it – I got the idea from Dwight. Dwight does it as well. On the move? On the move, yeah.

Driving or passenger? I think we were in New Hampshire or something like that. We were in traffic skiing. And it was just like, I didn't try to put my dickhead in it. It was just like, if P is going to get everywhere, P is going to get everywhere. If you try to put your dickhead into a soda can, you don't deserve it, dude. That's what I learned from Dwight's shortcomings. That's how I had to not do that because Dwight does that.

You were driving or passenger? I was passenger, yeah. I think that's an impossible feat, driving. I peed in a – In the backseat, it doesn't matter if you pee a little bit on the stuff. The driver can't see it. That's really what it's all about, not getting caught. I peed in the driver's seat in a bottle like this in a traffic jam.

We weren't moving. But that's also awkward because in a traffic jam, you can kind of see. 100%. And then really, it's like you can't get a good shake. I feel like you leave residual pee in the tank when you're sitting down. Am I going to overflow? You piss about a shot into your pants. About two hours.

You're at the point where it's like, I should have just peed the whole thing in my pants. There's enough pee in there now that I'm uncomfortable. I could have just done this and been like, yeah, that's the same amount. And so you're sticking though, soft take for you. Yeah, I think this whole segment has been. Just because of the cum. That's a day ruiner. That's like a year ruiner.

A life ruiner. Remember the time the guy on Hardcock Road cummed on me? I understand. That's worse than a day ruiner. That's like a year ruiner. A life ruiner. Remember the time the guy on Hardcock Road cummed on me? I understand. That's worse than a day ruiner, but it's not going to happen. Yeah, it's like winning a lottery. You're playing Russian roulette with like a 50 cal with those fucking belts of bullets, and there's only one bullet in it. I mean, like, think about, all right, here's another question.

How many tugs, a little Kim style, how many tugs would it take under these circumstances where it's like car comes, tug, like 10 seconds go by? I don't think that'll ever come. Right, there's probably days where he doesn't come at all. It has to be. I would say no. Coach Joe goes home and beats his wife that night. If it is Coach Joe.

I mean, let's say there's a traffic jam, though. Because if you're just a tug and then a car comes by 20 seconds later, you'll never come. But if it's a traffic jam and they're just coming through. But every time it's, let's say it's a good, like, a one, two, three. I think you'd come. How quick, though? Maybe 30, 40 cars? No way.

You don't think so? If I just, let's say it was me and you, and I just sit here right now, and I go, and I stop and wait like 10 seconds. Yeah, that's tough. And then, 30 of those is not going to make you cum. I think maybe the guy working the booth gets conditioned to that, though, and he figures it out. Yeah. Well, also, is he-

That's true. You know what I mean? He's learning how to make himself cum from 30. Yeah, I think while you're doing this, he's like shoving a finger up his ass. Yeah. Right. He might be watching like hardcore porn on his little Tollbooth computer. Well, what if that's the other lane?

On this lane, you're tugging. On this lane, you've got to be poking. What about this? Which lane do you want on there? You know how they have the fast pass? Yeah. Like, fast pass is... Like, easy pass, you mean?

Yeah. Yeah, okay. He's working himself in between. Oh, shit. So, like, you Like, easy pass, you mean? Yeah. Yeah, okay. He can, he's working himself in between. Oh, shit. So, like, you're much more liable to fucking, so it's either you sit in a hundred car traffic jam, or you can get right there. You're driving through, and it's just like, bam! You're just like, please, please, please, please. He's just stroking his dick, like, come on, I'm gonna get you.

And he sees that one miserable guy coming, the one miserable guy coming a hundred miles an hour, he's like, I'm gonna to get you. And he sees that one miserable guy coming 100 miles an hour. He's like, I'm going to fucking get you. I love the point that the guy. I'm not even paying attention to these tough guys. You're coming up. It's you, motherfucker. Yeah, these ones don't count. These ones are just in the bank, but it's you that I'm looking for.

He just hangs his head in the car like, God almighty. I'm sticking with soft dick. I'm Trent Ryan, and I'm sticking with soft dick. This is our own version of the opening to Office Space. We have to make it. You know the beginning of Office Space where he's in the traffic, and he moves to the right lane? Yes.

We need to make it open to a movie with Hard Cock Road. I mean, you were texting me when we were on the plane. So we had this conversation on Wednesday or Wednesday or whatever, and then we flew out. Fuck, I don't even know. Can I ask a question real quick? Do you need to take a PCR test to fly? No.

No? You just got on planes? Yeah. Beauty. Okay, sorry. Here's the thing. Nobody cares. COVID's a hoax.

But then four days later, Frankie's just texting me on the plane. He's about to throw up. He's sitting behind me. Just paint the picture he painted for you guys on the podcast. It was that picture of the guy driving and pointing. I was just, bro, I couldn't control myself. The guy sitting next to me

was looking at me like, why are you laughing? There was tears rolling over my mask. It's like, brother, you don't want to know. It's like, listen, you got this guy holding this car. If you ask me one more time, I'm roping you in. Reverse gangbang, I guess. Reverse gangbangs don't really do it for me but it would be a reverse like so you're too many holes what all holes doing here you would think that like like when it's

like four girls one guy I'm like no no more women less dick no thanks bang is like what do you call call those light brights? But there's only one light in it. You're not painting me any picture. Too many holes, not enough pegs. You stole a full thing. Make it an orgy, make it a gangbang, make it full. What is that?

What? Like, when, you know, you go from lesbian porn when you're, like, a teenager to, like, probably multiple girls, and then eventually it's like, I just need one set of holes and a lot of dicks. What's that progression about? I think you're describing an Eminem song called, I'm cleaning out my closet. What's that?

As you get older, you start loving cock. How come when you hit like 30, you start fucking dudes? Which actually brings me to my next topic. Seamlessly. Proceed. I think, I think. Wait. Wait. Let me just tell you what his topic says here.

Gay guys should do everything. Give them the keys to the world! Give them the keys to the kingdom! Dude, my... My... The place I'm staying at in Jersey Shore, it's owned and operated by two gay guys, and every single thing in this house

is just for stupid. Perfect. Immaculate. Everything I touch, I'm like, God, I wouldn't have got that. But boy, do I love it. How bad is it? It's pretty bad. It's not like I'm going to get arrested for it. I mean, I would hope. It's not perverted.

It's something that I've started doing lately. And I don't know how to stop it. Is it food related? It's food related. Okay. Is it breakfast, lunch, or dinner related? None. Let's do 20 questions.

I actually kind of hinted at it with Zach the other day, But it's hot. The fucking... I hinted at it with Zach during his story with sleepwalking. And I made a joke about it, but I just kind of said, like, oh, yeah, like, I sleepwalk and eat. Oh, yeah. Oh, is this a real thing, John? This is a real fucking thing, man. What have you been eating in your sleep?

I mean, I eat everything, but mainly... Pickles? Cheese? Do you think I could guess it? Is it guessable? No. Yeah, no, it's definitely guessable. It's very common.

But, dude, this is so... I don't even know if I want to let you guess. I was going to show you the pictures of how I woke up this morning, okay? Wait, am I about to see, like, your bedroom or the kitchen? Kitchen. Okay. And me on the couch. I still sleep on the couch.

It's still too cold. Okay. I mean, it looks like there's shit all over your hands. Oh, my God. Bro, I... You're just eating pints of ice cream? With your hands? Are you just eating ice cream with your hands?

I wake up and eat... I have no memory of this. And I've been doing it. It's been regular. Yeah. Like, I keep four points of ice cream in my fridge because I wake up and they're gone and in the trash. I swear to God.

You eat four points of ice cream in the morning? No, no, no. I just want to make sure there's a bunch in there in case I go through one. Okay, okay. But I swear to God I have no memory of it. I woke up this morning and the pictures, I'll include them so you can post them. I am confused. I don't know why it looks like I'm covered.

I woke up, I was like, oh my God, what happened? That looks like, knowing you in this later stage in life, if I woke up and saw your hands like that, I'd be like, he was playing with his own shit. He was like, he wiped his ass. I was going to say fingering girl on her period, but sure. No, that looks like shit hands to me. That is a. When I'm fingering, you know I'm hitting this anyway.

When I'm fingering like that, what am I fucking 12 again? But like I had ice cream in my mustache. I had ice cream on my chin. I had ice cream on my nose. I had ice cream on my chin. I had ice cream on my nose. I had ice cream on my shirt. I had ice cream on my hands. I had two spoons, which fucking implies that I took two separate trips in my sleep that I fucking went up again. One of the spoons I destroyed.

I mean, bent like Magneto, bro. I'm like Magneto bent it with his brain. It must have been the first trip, and it was still pretty hard. And I guess it fucking warmed bent it with his brain. It must have been the first trip and it was still pretty hard. And I guess it fucking warmed up by the second trip. But one spoon, I just, I ruined a metal spoon unconsciously eating ice cream. And that

means it's time for a talk, Kevin. That's intervention status where it's like, you need to lock your fridge up, your freezer up at night. Guess what? See ya. I have no memory. None. Are you taking like You're freezing her up at night. I don't. And guess what? Bagged Sour Patch Kids. Thank God. See ya. Like, I don't. See ya.

I have no memory. None. Are you taking like Ambien or something? Also, nope. Took in nothing. Natural. Nothing but just fucking good hard day's work. Smoking?

Put me to sleep. Nope. No smoking. Nothing? No nothing. I am. It is. Because you know their stories.

Oh, by the way, I went down, took down two bags of 3D Doritos as well. 3D Doritos? 3D Doritos as well. 3D Doritos. 3D Doritos as well. Took down some chili nacho cheese and some fucking ranch spray was right in your face. 3D Doritos as well. You were proving a point. I don't know what to do. Well.

And guess what? You know what all this dairy means? Oh, no. Wake up with the real toots. I wake up and I go into my bedroom to change, on clothes cuz I don't leave my bedroom and I come back Into the living room. I'm like Jesus Christ what animals Their apartment is officially a goddamn barn like over here is where I eat my food out of a trough Over here is where I just have like a corner that I fart and poop in. I'm just covered in food.

This couch is where I sleep. Bro, I have a two bedroom apartment and I live in a studio without a bed. You are disgusting. It doesn't make sense. You are a deplorable man. Have you heard stories of there are people who like are on a diet and are gaining weight

and they're like, Doc, this makes no sense. I'm putting on like, I put on like 20 pounds since I started dying and it's because they sleep eat and they don't realize it. Really? Yeah. It can get like, it can get That's just what's happening. Like the difference is that you're just a child and you leave so much evidence behind. But I guess these people are either just throwing it out

or they eat, you know, whatever. I'm going to text these pictures to the group text right now just so everyone else can get a taste of what's happening here. The bent spoon is really the kicker. Because I'm just thinking about you sleepwalking and being like and just bending that shit. I'd love to see

like stepbrothers like just throwing trash around you. Can I send you home with a GoPro yeah or yeah we at least got a set like set up a like one in the corner of the room old school I'm TV style yeah yeah every everything's gone to shit I have always thought you know what right now we Yeah. Kevin, right now I'm wearing duct tape on my hat. I like it though. I'm wearing a shirt that's just a soft layer.

I'm wearing pants I cut myself. It's all gone down. What does that say? The world is a query and rewrite. The world is a query and reporting tool. This shirt doesn't fit me at all. That shirt sucks. This shirt sucks.

That shirt looks like Prison Mike. Is that why you're wearing. This shirt sucks. That shirt looks like Prison Mike. Is that why you're wearing it? No, man. That looks like Prison Mike. Kevin. That legit looks like Prison Mike. Kevin. I'm going to ask you a question right now.

Oh, no. You got a ball gag. Let's add that to the list, though, too. You got a ball gag. You got a ball gag here. Yeah. You think I paid for this shirt? Oh, no.

You probably paid like $100 for that, didn't you? I paid $130 for this shirt. I didn't try it on. It's terrible. That shirt sucks. I've been wearing this shirt the whole time. That shirt sucks. Look at this fucking thing. $130?

And did the stain come with it? It all came with it. No, the stain. This was at a thrift shop? I took it out of the bag today. Everything I'm wearing came with it. No. I mean, it also fits so bad.

Honestly, I like this shirt. This is a cool shirt. It's how it'll fit. This shirt sucks. It's how it'll fit. This whole thing sucks. And you know what really sucks about it? It's higher in the back than in the front. You know what I mean?

Like it like angles upwards. Put your arms above your head. Yeah, that shirt doesn't fit. That shirt doesn't fit. Yeah, you – yeah, rock bottom. We're approaching it or redefining it. I woke up covered in ice cream. We're not approaching it, Kevin.

I've always thought we do, like in this business, we at least always have one last gun in the bullet, so to speak, where we could just say, put cameras in my place 24-7. You know that there's like an audience for that. You know that if we ever wanted to go full-blown reality show, we could do it. And like, so there's no such thing as, like, oh, I need to go. Like, we could never go bankrupt. Yeah. At least for one try. You know what I mean?

Because, like, okay, you're going to watch me fuck. You're going to watch me puke. You're going to watch me live. It's mostly masturbating and ice cream. Yeah. That's a great series name. Masturbation and ice cream. Hey, man, you see the new episode of M&I?

Like, I mean, that's awesome. I would watch a show. I don not even enjoying any of it anymore. Man, season two. Season two, the guy. Season two's kind of funny, but season three, he is just he doesn't like any of it anymore. He's like Ted Lasso. This is getting dark. Just a guy sleeping

on his couch with a pint of ice cream and a hand of cum. He doesn't even put the TV on anymore. He just scrolls Twitter by himself in the dark. You know, season one at least he came home and put the TV on so there'd be noise in the background now he doesn't even turn on the living room lights

or turn the TV on so he just sits there he's got a broken spoon a broken spoon. A broken spoon, a half-hard dick, and a fucking spilled ice cream bucket. He throws his hands up every time he wakes up. He's like, fuck it. I did it again.

I did it again. I did it again. I could just see, you know, especially just like, just snoring. And he wakes up and just kind of Sees his paws And sees it And just goes That's all you see From the little security cameras

Him going Yeah fuck Did it again You see See the new episode Where he just Stood at his chocolatey Hardened ice cream hand

And wondered if he should Wash that first Or just go ahead And jerk off with it on it And what do you think He chose everybody Bubble and B folks watch that first or just go ahead and jerk off with it on it? And what do you think he chose, everybody? Bubble in B, folks. Bubble in option B.

Might as well not put the cart before the horse on this one. I don't want to have to wash my hands twice. And guess what? He washed his hands zero times. I am actually crying. The people running around the Barstool office wearing the whoop bracelets, we're probably the last people on earth who should be wearing these. Frankie Borelli learned that he is like the most stationary human of all time. You found out that your resting heart rate is 88.

You could switch me to any demographic of a living person. I could be an 86-year-old woman. No, because obviously that's probably a poor heart rate. Yeah, you could be like a young kid. I could be an 18-year-old man, and it is a bad – I don't even know which one I should be good at. I know, I know. It doesn't matter.

I'm bad at all of them. So your heart bumps like 90 times a minute. Anything over – basically anything over 82 is just it's not like unhealth it's just straight up it's poor let me see it's not below average i'm gonna open up my shit right now uh i'm gonna say that i'm doing activity which i'm not and probably will not be for the next month but that will tell me my resting heart rate so the calibrating no wait a minute. My heart rate's 100? There you go. You are more unhealthier than I am.

It says I'm running. It literally says running. You are. I am just sitting here here talking what is that you're on it says like start activity so that like will that will like check your heart rate right away kevin you should probably do this i am telling you that i will be yeah my heart rate is 103 right now. I mean, what? Dude. 110? What is happening?

Now I'm just nervous. Now you're starting to panic. Now 111. Let's go. How high can we get it on a podcast? 112. Further. I'm going to get this motherfucker a heart attack.

Let's go. Oh, my God. 114. High score. High14. High score. High score. High score. Wow. 1-19.

Can we get 1-20? 1-21. Let's go. This is so much fun. 1-26. 1-28. 1-32. This is the We Try and Kill Kevin episode.

Welcome to KFC Radio. Woo! Woo! Woo! How did you get here? I want to put that on too. Oh, man. 1.8 is my activity strain. I'm literally just sitting here.

Now I'm sweating. Post-art activity. Yep. Yep. That is so fucking funny. 132 is my heart rate right now. I'm at 122. What's wrong with us?

He says I'm running as well. I mean, what the fuck? We got a lot of work to do in the next month. My activity strain says 3.4. I didn't do a single thing. You bumped your arms a little. I mean, I am sweating. I was going to say, we both need a single thing. All right. You moved your arms a little. I mean, I am sweating.

I was going to say, we both need a breather. I guess it's probably pretty bad here. We got excited and laughed for a little bit. My activity strain right now is four. Frankie Borelli told me that the last week his activity strain throughout the entire day never hit five. Me just sitting here, my body's like, whoa. Okay, so instead of starting off with the voicemails today, we've got our new summer intern, Mike, has, I guess, what is this,

a recording of his buddy or something? Yeah, it's my buddy's buddy. It's his first day on the job. Okay, so his first day on the job as a cold caller. And I guess we got audio of it. And I'm sure he's terrible at this. Hello, how may I help you? Hey, I was looking to speak with the owner of ***. Is that you by chance? Depends, who are you? How can I help you?

My name is ****. I thought it was funny. No, okay. So, yeah. Hey, man. I'm with ****. Have you heard of us before, man? Dude, you suck at your job. You suck. You're horrible. Why don't you play pretend with the mirror with a friend or a classmate or one of your gay boyfriends or something?

Hey, come on. You made me laugh when you said that. Hey, come on now. Pull that dick out of your mouth. Pull it out mouth pull it out Or pull the dick out of your ass You suck. Hey, man, your website looks

pretty off to me. Whoa, your website. You're looking at my website. You want to look at my cock? You fucking f***ed up. Oh, well, on your website. You're looking at my website. You want to look at my cock? You fucking f***ing nut. Oh, wow, I called it. Dude, we have to replay that call, bro. Oh, my God.

That guy was insane. Fuck. Yo, that guy absolutely has or is going to murder people. That guy has some anger issues. He's like yelling at your buddy like he's 30 years into the career. It's a summer job, man. You're leaving the fuck alone. He wasn't the greatest off the top.

He was bad at the top. He was right until he started dropping F-bombs. Yeah, he wasn't very articulate. He didn't get the top. He was right until he started dropping F-bombs. Yeah, he wasn't very articulate. He didn't, like, get to it. He chuckled, literally. But then... A nervous laugh is a guy who does a lot of nervous laughs. Totally a normal...

Right away? We're going to call me on that? Right. Come on. But, I mean, that was outrageous. Take the dick out of your mouth. No, no, no. Take the dick out of your ass.

Practice with your little boyfriends. No, no, no. Take the dick out of your ass. Practice with your little boyfriends. Where did he just go? Where did he just go? Jeez. That is so good. Oh, we got to get Rudy in here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That made me think of Rudy. We'll do that on Thursday. We'll do that Thursday episode. Okay, okay. He goes goes jeez like like dude I don't give a fuck about your website

Jesus Christ that guy absolutely beats beats people in his family that guy kicks the dog that guy's an abuser that dude that dude has children

to kick the shit out of him like I'm getting tired of this one we gotta have another one so I can beat that one too new toddler smack around jesus that is oh the way he delivered that so it's so good did your boy just come home and he was like yo you got you'll never understand the day i had to work yeah it's my buddy's buddy so i think uh i think

that he just gave up after that i'm not sure sure. I think that it's over for him. Dude, that would be... I'd probably end up milking that one. I'd be like, I'm suing this company. You subjected me to abuse. Bro, I would call that guy

back every day. Oh, we should get that guy's number. We should get that guy's number. We'll do callbacks and just torture him. See, your website's looking a little messy.

My website! We didn't talk! Dude, the... I actually want to get that guy's number and sick the stoolies on him and ruin his life. See, your website's looking a little messy. My website! We didn't talk! Dude. I actually want to get that guy's number and sick the stoolies on him and ruin his life. Yeah. Ruin his life. Just every night in the middle of the night have someone call him and go, take the dick out of your ass.

Wow. The life of, like, cold calling. I know that's... The only reason I work here is because my dad wouldn't give me a job. Because he was like... He was like... And it wasn't his company, but he was like, look, I can get you a job at the call center. You don't want that. But you're going to be a cold caller, and you're going to kill yourself in three weeks.

I cannot fathom anyone ever having success at a cold call. No. Like, it has to work, right? Well, you hit lonely people. And they're like, oh, I think I have someone to talk to. I guess, right? And then they pay money, and then they're like, yeah, I'm so lonely, I'm going to talk to you, and then get my credit card out. I guess, yeah, right?

I can see, like, the boiler room shit where you call up, like, unsuspecting people and be like, I can make you $5,000 right now. And you're desperate, and you're just like, okay, sure. What is it? Like it's a penny stock or whatever. But like this, you know, we just need to update your website. I mean, I guess you just get lucky every now and then where it's like, you know, I need a website and lo and behold, the phone rang and like, here you are. I might as well just take you.

I forget what the company he said was. I think we're going to bleep it out anyway. But like when he was like, have you heard of us? Absolutely not. As someone who works on the internet and does. Yeah, I was going to say that. It's not like he said, like, have you heard of have you heard of like monster.com or something?

No. Your bullshit company? I've never fucking heard of it, man. Get out of here. Wow. Well, to all the cold callers out there if you got any I'm sure if he could

dig up his recording I'm sure the people can if you've got if you've got apps like

man this guy's so mad Jesus Christ this guy really really hates it he's like getting exhausted

like jeez my friend actually sends it to me on the day that I'm starting here. He's like, are you excited for your day tomorrow? I'm like, yeah. He's like, well, look how my buddy's first day. Just like, can't go any worse than that. Like, yeah, seriously. Like, be thankful you got that gig instead of this shit.

If you've got cold call classic audio recordings, send it our way. It's got to be good. But if you've got a moment that stacks up to... Can I hear it one more time, please? Can I hear it one more time? Jesus. You're looking at my website. You want to look at my cock?

Jeez. I don't even know what to say to this. He's thinking there's nowhere in the binder. There's no page to turn what to say to this. He's thinking there's nowhere in the binder. There's no page to turn to to react to this. Jesus. So good. Run it back. I'm going to throw up.

Or pull the dick out of your ass. Jesus. You suck, dude. Jesus. You suck, dude. Jesus. I have a stomach ache and I'm crying. Jesus. How old are you, Mike? How old is he?

You guys the same age? 22. 22. Jeez. Pull the dick out of your ass. That's got to be the most entertaining day in cold calling history. Secondary jacked up. Oh, I don't like these. In honor of last week's episode, jacked up the assassination of John F. Kennedy.

We can't do history. Okay, I guess that's fine. This seems like a little bit of a touchy one to do. See you navigate this one. He's riding in a car, right? Oh, God, I don't want to detail this. No, no, no, detail it. He's riding in a car.

This is for Gen Z who doesn't know this shit. And it's a drop top. Or it's a, I don't know, it's a convertible. John F. Kennedy dropped the top. Titties was out. Drop top, yeah. And Jackie. Spinning rims.

How else was that? It's a convertible. Yeah. It's whatever. And him and Jackie are sitting in the back and then his head like explodes a little bit. You're missing so many steps. Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Somebody shot him and then it exploded. What other steps are there in between? Let the girl go, let the girl go. And then his head, like pieces of his head kind of go flying everywhere. And then Jackie, like, goes. This is not funny. I'm sorry.

Jackie is, like, trying to, like, pick up the pieces of his head. Like, I don't know what her plan was, but she just goes and she starts like scrambling for his head fragments and then um like gathers gathers them and um that was probably like too much detail on the head explosion part so we've we've done the head explosion do you want more about that explosion part because well i just i i'm not gonna lie i don't know more about that explosion part? Well, I'm not going to lie. I don't know much about the history part. Like who shot him? Yes, it's the well-known guy's name. Super well-known.

Everybody knows his name. Don't you Google it. I want you to guess it. I'm not Googling it. Okay, what's his name? I'll give you a hint. It's three names. It's like a first, middle, last.

Yes, and it is, middle, last. Yes. And it is. You do the yes. Don't you Google it. I'm not Googling it. Is she Googling it, Babs? Yeah. She's so blatantly Googling it. Yeah.

No, don't let her. You're on camera and we can see you. Don't let her. Do you think you're in a separate room right now? I can see you doing it. There's so many words on this page. I can't even figure Don't let her. Do you think you're in a separate room right now? I can see you doing it. There's so many words on this page, I can't even figure out

who it is. It's, his name is Chris. Chris? I don't know, I just went with the most, like.

Chris? Remember three names, so first, there's a first, first, middle, and last. Chris?

Chris. Kevin. Chris. Kevin. Chris Kevin. Smith. Chris Kevin Smith. I knew you were going to say Smith. You were so close. The second you said Chris, it was a fucking foregone conclusion.

Wait, I do, once you say this, I'm going to be like, oh. Chris Kevin Smith. Lee Harvey Oswald. I was close with the Chris Kevin Smith. Wait, you said that earnestly. You were not. No, I know. I honestly thought I wasn't.

But, I mean. So Chris Kevin Smith shoots him. Do you know where he shot him from? Like, where was he? Probably behind him. His head exploded from the back. It's funny for so many reasons. Particularly because it's absolutely not.

It's the opposite. I'm sorry. I'm going to stop going on about the head explosion. So Chris Kevin Smith shoots him from the back. Chris Kevin Smith obviously didn't like him and was in the crowd because they were doing a little drop-top drive with crowd members. We call that when a bunch of cars are going down the street

and people are watching. Drop-top drive. Parade. They're in a parade. Are they in a parade? Well, that's basically what it is. You described a parade. I did describe a parade.

So Chris Kevin Smith is in the crowd behind him and just pulls out the gun. And he pulls out, yeah, I mean, what else? Clearly. He just pulls out a gun and then I think it's plain and simple. He just shoots. I don't know. Like, what else?

I feel like you guys are, like, trying to get me to say something else. And then what happened to Chris Kevin Smith in the aftermath? Chris Kevin Smith. Did he kill himself after that? No, he ran away. He ran away. He gets caught. He gets caught? Yeah. He got caught immediately?

Pretty much, yeah. What was his plan? Why didn't he run? Who killed Chris Kevin Smith? Oh, shit. No idea he was dead. The person who killed G. Day Tibbet? G. Day Tibbet. That just sounds coming out of your mouth. I honestly just...

G. Day Tibbet is your answer? First of all, first of all, it was J.D. Tibbet. But I... J.D. Tibbet. What is that about? I don't know. I honestly just looked at the first name that was highlighted on the screen. Is it Jack Ruby?

Yes. Is it actually? Yes. That was the second name highlighted. She's so surprised. So Jack Ruby kills Chris Kevin Smith. Wait, no. That's the Dallas nightclub operator.

Are you kidding about it? Did Jack Ruby actually? Jack Ruby killed Lee Harvey Oswald. Okay. Got it. Yes. Okay. Okay.

Oh, my God. I'm going to look so dumb! It's fine! And that is the assassination of JFK. Jacked up! History's gonna be a weak point, I think. I mean, it was...

I wouldn't have gotten Jack Ruby, I'll say that. It's also like... I think you would have probably talked more about there being a conspiracy and all that kind of stuff. I probably would have mentioned that. When people talk about the assassination of John F. Kennedy, it's usually more about there was a conspiracy.

Did you know that there was a conspiracy? I actually did. I've heard about that. You didn't ask for the conspiracy. You just asked what happened at the assassination. Sure. What did the bullet do? Do you know anything about the bullet? It went into his head.

I don't know. But it also went into other body parts. Oh. Did it? Well, it's the magic bullet theory. It would have had to go through and turn around and hit. That's part of the conspiracy is that like from the angle where he was the other other injuries because other

people got shot in the car like some guy got hit in his shoulder and it's like for those bullets to evolve in there like i think they like pose like a magic like like a theory that was like yeah no no it like hit here and then went there and like everyone with a brain. Yeah, everyone with a brain is like everyone with a brain, not John F. Kennedy. It was like, that's not really possible. You really did lean into the idea that his brain got massacred though. That was the only part that I knew.

So I just kind of leaned into that. Fucking Jackie Rovell over here. I'll do something here for a little YouTube visual. It'll be audio as well. Oh God, he's taking his belt off. Let. It'll be audio as well. Oh, God. Oh, God. He's taking his belt off. Let me take my pants off real quick.

Oh, boy. We're getting kicked off of YouTube. All right. This is a thing I've been thinking about for a while. John is now sick. No, I'm not going to tell you. You have to watch. No time like the present. Hey.

Hey, Sour Patch Kids, you motherfuckers. If you don't fucking start advertising with us, or at least give me free Sour Patch Kids, because I've had none. I haven't gotten one single. Nary an SPK have I received. I am going to get this fucking tattoo removed. That's a fact.

And I fucking promise you that. I've done a photo shoot in a bathtub. I have a tattoo on it. And I haven't gotten so much as a free mini Sour Patch Kid. So if you don't fucking subscribe. Fuck a free one. If you don't start advertising with this show, I'm getting this tattoo removed. I will hold a press conference like LeBron James and The Decision where I select my new candy.

Yes. Okay. Yes. That sounds awesome. That sounds absolutely awesome. That's what's going to happen unless you cut a check to Barstool Sports. Fucking hair bow, here I come. Oh, man. I can't decide what I want

to happen more. I can't decide whether I want SBK to cut a fat check or John sits there and he has a bag of gummy bears and he has a bear of peach rings and he has a bag of fucking the little worms the neon worms and you just twin snakes i'll probably come over that ass baby i'm taking

my talents to sweden motherfucker oh man yeah yeah it's getting it's it's almost if you were my friend and you were going after a girl like this and like this this would be like bro come on enough like she doesn't like you dude you know what I mean? Like you'll take DM me all the time. They DM me. They did me eyes emojis like they want to fuck me. You want to fuck me? Then fuck me. Get in bed with me.

Fuck me. Fuck me, Sour Patch Kids. Bend me over and fuck me. Shit or get off the pot. I hurt my back. Yeah, that's going to set you back about a week. I feel like I just started the show. I don't fucking care, John. What's tomorrow? It's Megan Fox. Yeah, that was, that's gonna set you back about a week. I feel like I just started a show. I don't fucking care,

John. What's tomorrow? It's Megan Fox. By the way, that little fucking minx, Megan Fox. Whoa, that table. I would go. I think sometimes it gets a little try hard. I, well, okay. You guys have sex. Congratulations. You're having sex, not inventing it.

Can I tell you, I'm so happy you said that. Because when I started this take, that was going to be my take. And then as I stood up and I just hollered like a siren, by the way. I watched Nick turn around like, what the fuck was that noise? I said to myself, am I really going to be the guy who has a problem with Megan Fox talking about fucking right now? And I didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth. I didn't want to ruin a good thing. But now that you said that, I am on board

with you. It's like, think about if we did that. It would be like, you know, okay, dude, so you fucked a girl on the table. Shut the fuck up. First of all, fucking on tables sucks. That table did not look good to fuck on. My knees are going to hurt. My knees are going to be in so much fucking pain.

You can't fuck anywhere but a bed past 30. If you're over 30 and you're fucking on the floor? Bro. On the couch, you're falling in between the cushions. You're on the ground. Your knees are hurting. Her back's rubbing. You're getting rug burns.

Your back hurts. Your pelvis is in pain. Beds. Fucking on beds. That's it. But first of all, I agree 100%. Pelvis is in pain Beds Fucking on beds That's it But like First of all Agree 100%

I think I last tried To fuck on a bathroom floor When I was like 27 Never again Never again On a bathroom On a tile Bro

I was in a I might have been even younger than that Because I was in a hotel Where like It was like my friends Were in the hotel room too So they're trying to fucking You can't fucking

Fuck on a fucking floor You gotta get You gotta be a little To bounce and give oh Boy no that hurts It hurts. It hurts. Like, yo, like for real. Ah! No! No, I can't do it. Try it.

Try it right now. I fucking can't. It hurts so bad. It hurts so bad. And now, I've got the jeans on, too. And now start, like, moving. Ow! I hate it.

I hate it. Don't they torture people like this? They make you kneel on, like, a thing of paper, right? Bro, this is so painful. This is going to hurt so much. Oh In order to get down you gotta put all your weight on one. I'm sorry. It hurts. I know I hit my shoulder. Oh, but congratulations to Megan Fox. What the fuck is that? Was that a good time for you, Megan? Colson, did you have fun on that marble table? And think about this, John.

I sat in my lunch. John, think about this. Another thing that happens when you fuck on tables, you sit in your lunch. Think about this, John. Think about this. Think about

what we just did, right? Think about if there was a generally accepted like like there's a reasonable expectation that girls are supposed to suck your dick on their knees like that that's insane if there was ever like get on your knees and eat me out i'd be like get me a pillow how about you stand up on the bed first that's the only way I'm getting on my knees My hockey bag's in my room, I'll go get my fucking shin guards I mean, that's like I'm gonna be bruised up from that, man

Look at that And also, despite the fact That how difficult it is to fuck on a table As we've clearly demonstrated Two able-bodied men Incapable of fucking on a table But if you saw that, I was giving you a quarter of an inch there That's all you were getting I was giving you a quarter of an inch there right

that's all you were getting I was like did you come yet did you come it was just guttural screams and a fucking fingernails length of fucking dick

splinters flying everywhere fucking it was bad but like also if you're fucking what are you guys pissing on each other well I was gonna say

what you got a little sweat on a table now I will say that table's huge. Did you see it? It was deep. It was a big table. It was like a – you could, like, run around on that table. You could, like, play tag on that table.

They might have been, like, wrestling. But, yeah, like, what are they doing? Listen, I don't doubt – I'm on record saying if I could pick one couple to watch a sex tape, it would be Megyn Kelly and Machine Gun Fox. Whatever the fuck. My brain just went totally backwards. But what are they doing that's so revolutionary? And if they are, please share with the class.

Did you guys invent some new shit? This table is some seeds of things. Oh, man, I'm so glad we don't owe that table anymore. What are you, snorting fucking lines of jizz off at Megan? What's fucking going on here? Yeah, like, I guarantee whatever you were... Megan was up here like this.

With her legs out, yeah. You were standing there. Like, I guarantee whatever you have done, Adriana Cechik has done. And better. Every Airbnb she's ever... By herself.

Every Uber. She doesn't even need partners. No. I've watched Adriana Cechik squirt out the window of a car. Bro, I watched Adriana the other day. Somebody... She was like, put the ball... Put...

What did she say? Oh, she said something like, put the tip in, right? So he put the tip in. And she was like, oh, wow. And I was like, what's the big deal, right? And then he pulls it out, and like a ball comes out of her ass that was in there as well. And I was like, oh, there was already a ball in there,

and then the dick went in. And then another ball came out. She had two ball, like bocce balls of some sort. And then a dick. It's like, that's what Adriana Cechik's doing on the kitchen table. What are you doing Megan? Bro I've watched and this is exactly

this is exactly what happened. I've watched Adriana Cechik Oh boy. Get her pussy fucked in her ass. Get her pussy fucked in her ass. She took a flashlight

and shoved that in her ass and then had a guy fuck the flashlight. I know I know exactly what you're talking about. And it was super hot. I don't know why I was so turned on by it, but I was like, this is awesome.

And technically, you know, that should be the next Tom and Bert loophole. It's like it was, you don't have to wear a strap on. They've got to wear a fake pussy. Technically, I'm just fucking a fleshlight. Adriana Cechik's just holding it with her ass. That's all that's happening. That's not cheating, girls. That's not cheating.

What was the name of the grocery store your mom went to growing up? Meat Farms. This guy's trash. Meat Farms. All right, listen. We've had a good time. You guys are fucking fantastic. April 20th, 21st, come and see me.

Yeah, we're going to be down in Raleigh and Zanies. Did you say meat farm? Yeah, meat farms. Is there multiples of those? That sounds like where Ron Swanson fucking got his voice. Yeah, it sounds like a Sam Raimi movie or something like that. It sounds like it's in the back of a van, to be honest with you. Yo, meat farms is out front.

Get your cash. Hey, it's Tony from Meat Farms. I got the day old you asked for, Mrs. Bush. Meat Farms. It's unbelievable. You could bring your chicken and get it sliced thin. Oh, you can't? Oh, I'm sorry.

Can I get a glass of champagne from Artie over here, please? What the fuck? Bring your own chicken. No, you don't bring your own chicken. Because don't you like your chicken sliced thin? I've never sliced chicken, though. Like chicken breast? Yeah, like chicken cutlets.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. What do you mean? I didn't know. I thought you meant like in a deli slicer. No, it's a guy. It's a guy with a big-ass knife. He wore an army hat. I like how Marty's dying on this hill.

He had a knife. He's like, wow, I usually do it's dying on this hill. He had to have a knife. He's like, wow, I usually do it with a fork. Wait a minute. Explain this to me. What do you mean? You go there and you buy chicken. Yeah, then you go to the guy with the army hat, and he's in the back, and he just slides it up. I don't think he's a general. I don't think he's enlisted. You meet the guy with the army hat.

You meet the guy with one arm, no teeth. He'll really cut your chicken nice for you. 20 years, he always had the same hat. He didn't even work there. I know. Kid, I told you five times, get out of here, all right? Hey, buddy, where you going with that chicken?

Holy shit, meat farm. Now, is that a chain? It's like a small chain. There are a couple out there. You know what? I think Whole Foods is buying that. That's the best answer I've ever heard. Where's your mom go to the grocery store?

Meat farm. Not even the meat farm. It's meat farms. It's over there on Avenue Z. Oh, that's beautiful. All right. I think we have enough to proceed. Maybe one more, just out of curiosity before we get to the cards,

is what did you get on your SATs? It's a loaded question. It's a loaded question? Yeah. Marinara sauce. Mine was at, like, what is it, 2,400? So the first time I got like a 1400, pretty bad. But then I went back the second time and it was a valid Victorian.

What's valid Victorian? Wait, what? The number one guy in your class. It's not a person's name. Valid Victorian. Sure. I thought it was valid Victorian. No, it was valid victorian i gotta get new teeth it's his whole thing's a setup is this the guy in the army hat was he the valid victorian

so i sat next to him and i went back in sections and i got a 1950. oh nice and then you'd offer but then yeah i cheated off him but then they sent me like i gotta go to court like they caught me they're like you cannot go they sent me, like, I got to go to court. They caught me. They're like, you cannot go up that many points. And they asked me to go to court. And my dad's like, what is the square root of 32? They're like, either you have to retake it and show that you can do it. Fuck. Holy shit.

I got lucky, boss. Who catches a case on their SATs? That's what I said. What the? I didn't get it back. And my dad's like, oh, we're going to court. You didn't cheat. I was like, eh. What? I didn't get it back. My dad's like, I don't want to go into court. You didn't cheat. I was like, eh.

Dad, dad, dad. Yeah. No, I don't know what I would have done in court. I cannot believe it's like a real thing. So what ended up happening? I took the zero. I would have cracked in court. You see me?

I can't do prison time. This kid would have gave up everybody. I'm too pretty. I'm too pretty to go to jail. Holy shit. Well, the first time we ever got the answer of zero. It's tough. I got caught cheating on my regents.

They made me shovel. They made me weed whack with a shovel. What's your regents? Regents like a New York state test. Yeah, state test. Why would the penalty be weed whacking? They made me clean up around the school. They gave me a shovel just to weed whack.

If you cheated on this test, you're probably going to be doing some blue collar work. Hey, listen, we're doing your favor, kid. Depression rolling here? Dude, this weekend, the other day, I had someone come by. I was at the bar, and I left the bar for a bit to go grab some cigarettes. And while I was in the 7-Eleven I also had to buy a bunch of candy. And then I was like, well, I'm trying to be

healthy, so I'll get this big bag of candy and I'll also get a banana. So I'm outside a bar. I'm outside a bar with doing alternating drags with cigarette, banana.

And at 7-Eleven, they just give you paper bags now. So it's got a paper bag crunched up in the same hand as a banana. Wait, you're doing a paper bag banana? No, no, no, no. The banana's on its own. It's in the same hand. But the banana's riding solo. Paper bag is full of candy that's just in the same grip.

Oh, on like your wrist? No, it's a paper bag. So I'm just holding it. This is bad. So you're lifting the bag and banana to your mouth a paper bag. So I'm just holding it. This is bad. So you're lifting the bag and banana to your mouth every time you take a bite. Yes, exactly.

This is bad, John. This is bad. And then I'm like... I'm kind of just saying that. Are you ever like eating the banana before you... Like, you know, what's it called?

What's it called in college when you like... You take a drag, then you do the shot, then you exhale? Oh, cannonball. Yeah. Yeah, no, then you exhale? Oh, cannonballing. Yeah. No, no, no.

Are you cannonballing your bananas? I'm doing this regularly. But I'm doing it on a street corner, not in front of the factory, the bar. Well, because I don't want the people I'm with to see me. So I'm staying there. This is just a break? You're going back to the bar after this? This is just a cigarette, banana? You back to the bar after this? This is just a cigarette banana?

You went on a cigarette banana break, John? So I'm sitting next to a trash barrel because I'm on the street going, I want to be out of view. So I'm smoking a cigarette, just kind of looking down, biting a banana, bag full of candy coming to my face. Cigarette, banana. Someone comes walking across the street. Hey, what's up, Fidelberg?

Big fan. I'm mid-drag. So I go to correct him. And they go, it's actually Fidelberg. And I go back to biting my banana. It's actually Feidelberg. He's so great. I don't want you to think I'm someone else.

God forbid you go home unsure if you've seen Feidelberg. Switching back and forth between a cigarette and a beer. Sitting by the trash barrel. Oh, man. If you don't believe me, I'll give you my social security. You want to take a picture? Let's take a picture. You can post it on your Instagram.

You want a bite? You want to bite the banana? You want to take a drink? Oh, man. And they were mobile. Because you gave me the wrong thing. And they want to correct them. So I looked like Cruella DeVille. Oh man.

We're getting close to rock bottom. What's up KFC Fight, Jackie, Nick, Cali Boy DC if you're still on this. I got a hypothetical would you rather for you guys. You guys are a bunch of sickos. So would you rather have a button that you could press and it would crack all the bones and joints in your body at the same time, just boom, done, you feel great? Or would you rather have a button that you press and it pops all the pimples and all the pores on your body and your face, your shoulders, all that? All right.

Let me know what you guys think. Viva. This is the greatest question of my time. I'm just going to say it's like Kevin's having an orgasm. This is such a great question. And I could write a dissertation on this whole thing i i yeah i'm you're the expert here so god damn right i just i just like to crack my stuff but like i don't feel any better afterwards it's just kind of uh when i crack my dick i feel so much better.

Wait, was this you? Someone was talking about cracking their dick recently. I thought that was you. You crack in the morning, right? Wait a minute. No. I was not talking to you recently. I was talking to Pat on Out and About about it. Oh, but then you told me this story then, I think. Not recently. No, I did not. So someone else told you that and I would like to talk to them because we're like a small bunch. We're like left-handed.

There's no way I have two people in my life who crack their dick. We're like left-handed gingers. I need to meet them. There's so very few of us that I need to talk to someone else who cracks their dick. No, I refuse to believe that I know two people who crack their dicks. You do it in the morning, right? When you have morning wood or some shit like that? I mean, that's the thing.

I've never said that. I do it when I have morning, noon, night. Is my dick hard? I'm cracking it. So who have you been talking to, John? Because I need to know. Honestly, it probably was Pat.

Pat probably told me. Does Pat crack his dick? Because he has... Well, he probably was like, you know your co-host is a psychopath, right? He might have like just said like in bell or something it happens in the morning.

Okay, so... That's different. What do you mean like you hear a crack oh it's yes it's like loud and clear i almost like want to do it somehow that's not like ragingly inappropriate you know what i mean i agree like i think i need to hear this like if i were to if i were to like make a video with my phone you would absolutely hear should i tomorrow morning should i make it just a a video that's all black? I'll just cover the... You know what I mean?

Yes. Can you explain a little further? What is cracking? The base of my dick. It's wild. It's right where your dick meets. No. That feels like cracking your knuckles.

Yeah. Tomorrow I'll expect a video. Sometimes... Again, your knuckles. Whenever you find yourself horny,'ll expect a video and when it sometimes you know again or tonight yeah whenever you find yourself horny send me a video

some I don't know if I can like posting that is like like here's KFC's dick cracking like that's I might send

I'll send it to you I don't know if we could do a public yeah no no private text you're my number we should do like 80k subscribers

yeah you guys want to see some dick cracking Don't private text. You're my number. We should do like 80k subscribers. Yeah. You guys want to see some dick cracking? Follow, subscribe on YouTube. Yeah, man. It's crazy. And the funny thing is

like if you crack your dick, we are small. We are a legion. We are small, but like, but like, like if you, if you are your dicks,

like I Googled this because I was afraid. What is happening? And then there are people who are... This is a new thing. This isn't your whole life? No, it's been a while. A little while, okay. But I mean, I guess not.

I was not like a teenager doing it. So I guess it's a little later in life. Or maybe I just didn't notice it. You know what it probably is? I don't think I was doing certain things with my dick until later in life. I was kind of sick of it. You were just tugging it this way and that way.

It's like Julian Edelman's MCL. Like, he's fucking... Yeah. Oh, oh, no. Before he started running fucking hot routes, it was like... Right, right. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I'm doing some things with it.

But, like, the people who don't crack their dicks are like, what do you mean you're going to break it? And, like, you're being an idiot. And I have people be like, I'm a doctor, and you're going to, like, fracture your... And an idiot and I have people be like I'm a doctor and you're going to like fracture your and then the guys who do crack their dick are like no man it's just like cracking your dick no big deal

I'd listen to the doctors no you don't need like internet doctors I have doctors being like oh I don't know smoking might give you cancer but me and all the boys in the smoking lounge are like it's just a cigarette who gives a shit all the guys with the tracheotomy

like no big deal it's totally fine I've been doing this for 30 years it doesn't affect me at all it feels great. And it can crack during action, which is cool. Girl, I'm going to crack my dick inside you, girl. Nothing like a fucking girl whose trachea is getting crushed going, Does your dick just break? The podcast is over.

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