KFC Radio - Bill Burr, Kirk Minihane, Paint & Sip, and Uncle Chaps

Episode Date: October 10, 2019

Bill Burr drops in to discuss his new special, Paper Tiger, his role in Star Wars, F is For Family, why he doesn't hate the Yankees, immediately regretting things, how stupid cancel culture is, and scaring pussy away.Uncle Chaps comes by to answer some voicemails including: paint and sip, sleeping in the closet, don't want to see his dick, and can girls smell each other?Kirk Minihane visits Barstool HQ and chats about the Minifans vs the Mincells, ASMR, his psychiatrist, Feitelberg's secret child, Ellen, George W Bush vs Trump, Gerry Callahan, Sirius vs podcasts, and his thoughts on Making A Gambler.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio brought to you by Dunkin' Donuts. Right now, they are rocking with the Burrito Bowls, which are, I mean, they're a game-changer. They're revolutionary. Really, really good. They're really good, and I mean, I love it because we have them for the rundown. We have them for KFC Radio.

Any given moment, I just grab a burrito bowl, and it's nice. They'll pick me up. It's got chorizo in it. Anything with chorizo, Ollie. I like a nice sausage. I like the roasted veggies, too. The roasted veggies are also good. Yeah, the peppers are all up in there.

The rice just adds a nice base to it. Yeah, it does. The consistency is thicker and stronger and heavier. It's nice and hearty. It's a nice fall meal. Yeah, and that's the thing. You can have it whenever. It's a meal for whenever.

Yeah, it's a breakfast thing. I've had it for lunch every day this week. I'm a big guy. I'm a nice fall meal. Yeah, and that's the thing. You can have it whenever. It's a meal for whenever. Yeah, it's a breakfast thing. I've had it for lunch every day this week. I'm a big guy. I'm a big first meal, second meal, third meal. Eat it whenever you want. Morning, noon, night, you can have yourself a burrito bowl, and it's the perfect stopgap, the perfect meal. Stopgap.

I love a stopgap. Yeah, it's maybe not a full sit-down meal, but it's better than a snack. Yeah. It's beautiful. And healthy. It's America. America runs on Dunkin'.

You can run on a burrito bowl right now. Go get yourself one at your local Dunkin'. Price and participation may vary. Limited time offer. We got a monster podcast today. We got Bill Burr. Have you heard of him? We got Kirk Minahan.

Have you heard of that fucking lunatic? And Pappy Chaps. All right. Pappy Chaps is in the building. of them. We got Kirk Minahan. Have you heard of that fucking lunatic? And Pappy Chaps. Alright. Pappy Chaps is in the building. Before we get to the thing with Chaps, I just gotta ask you a question real quick. Why are you sweating profusely right now? Am I sweating? You're pretty sweaty. You are so sweaty right now.

I don't know. The fucking... You did spend 20 minutes and then nobody's even wearing the headphones. We will. We will, we will. We got to do the voice. Okay. I was trying to untangle the fucking.

Chaps is telling me stories. I'm signing papers. It's a rough day. I got people fighting me at parent-teacher conference. I got the Yankees are about to win the World Series. Fuck off, Final Bird. Go to parcelgold.com slash KFC just to see how sweaty Kevin is. Fuck you.

It is. It's a jarring amount of sweat. It's such an overly used joke. I didn't even feel like I was sweating. But you look like Patrick Ewing on the free throw line. You look like... Yeah, you're very glistening. I don't feel it.

I was trying to think what you were doing before this. I was like, you must have been on a run or something. You're probably mowing. I was sweating during... must have been on a run or something. He was probably mowing. I was sweating during the Bill Burr interview because I'm just afraid of Bill Burr. I'm just going to come out and say it. He's scary. He's a scary guy. He's the most intimidating guest we've ever interviewed because he just has no problem

being like, this is fucking terrible. If it's not good, he'll just tell you. If he doesn't want to answer a question, he won't. If he doesn't want to be here he'll leave so so every time i'm like i hope this goes well i hope it goes well you never know what billy old billy redface might come out and then you're in trouble but uh interview went well he's uh the funniest guy on the planet right now he is getting into the star wars world so crazy he. He's getting season four of F is for Family. Like an actor in it? Or like watching it? He's into it, into it.

He's gonna be a bounty hunter in the new Hulu Plus or Disney Plus like series. So it's like they take the movies and they turn them into a TV show. I actually might watch that. I've only watched like half of Star Wars in my life. This is actually probably a good thing to get into where it's like

standalone. Yeah, you watch it week to week. You're getting the whole vibe. If you go back and you don't have that I've only watched like half of Star Wars in my life. This is actually probably a good thing to get into where it's like. I can watch a show. It's like a standalone. Yeah, you can watch it week to week. You're getting the whole vibe. If you go back and you don't have that like childhood nostalgia, Star Wars fucking sucks. Yeah, it's not very good. I think a lot of things are hard to get back into if you miss the like original wave. There are.

A lot of shows are tough. Bill talked about that. Bill said he didn't see it for 20 years, so he never got into Star Wars. Yeah. But the, I think Star Wars has lost its way in the movies. Because there are now movies that are on Netflix. I'm like, I didn't even know that came out. Yeah.

This is a Star Wars, that used to be an event. Yeah. But this one, this one looks dope. This one looks, it's all about the bounty hunting. Yeah, the bounty hunting is the cool part. And you think about it, they're casting a guy like Bill Burr. They're kind of leaning into the bounty hunter fucking rogue world, you know what I mean?

Where he's probably just like, give me a fucking money and shoot him. Imagine Bill Burr firing off a laser gun. No. That's going to be so fucking wild. Because I can't imagine it. So let's get right into it. Bill Burr. This interview is brought to you by Thursday Boots.

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Fall winter's here, baby. If you're wearing fall boots in the fall, you're nuts. High-quality handcrafted boots sold at honest prices over at Thursdayboots.com. Go get them. All right, let's do it. Bill Burr is back. We're talking Paper Tiger is the new special that's out. And last time we were talking,

you were promoting, you were here at the Garden. And you made me feel stupider than I've ever felt in my entire life. Because we went to the show. Sorry. Why? Because I actually said something smart? No, no. I said something funny. If he can get lucky, why can't I? We went to the show, which was hilarious, by the way.

And a lot of the jokes and material you had kind of like weaved into our conversation earlier in the day and we're so stupid we're like he just did that with us for the first time and he's up on stage doing it now he's so good it was like a conversation we had today and he's doing it at MSG right now

I probably did do you work material in like that short into I don't do I don't do my material. I would never do my material on the show because I wouldn't want people then to come and hear the same thing.

So just quick enough from that day, you worked it in? But if it's like, yeah, it's like, I've been doing this longer than you've been alive. So I always, how do I put it? It's... If something funny happened to you and you went to a bar,

I always tell it this way. You would just tell your friends the story and you'd act it all out and you'd be all the time just because you're not nervous around your friends. Right. So you just work to being, you know, hanging with your friends in a bar

level comfortable on stage. It takes for a long... It took me a long time to do that. So if something happens, I don't know quite what you're talking about but if there's like a if there's the conversation goes towards something that i have a bit on um and a line works i would possibly drop the line but i can't do the whole bit because like just everybody you know you hear here you hear that everybody just cross-checks everything.

Yeah, right, right, right. Oh, he wasn't even present for that. So, no, it's. Yeah, that's just wild. Or if I say something on the radio show and I just think like, oh, that's funny. I want to expand on that. Or if I'm doing my act and then something I say reminds me of that and I think, fuck it, let me throw that out there. I'm sick of my act. then something I say reminds me of that and I think fuck it let me throw that out there I'm sick of my act

let me say this so there's all of that because I'm actually going to put that out on vinyl and so much of that show I was screwing around same thing with my special so much of it like the in between parts of the jokes I was screwing

around because that's what I do every night. It's just what happens on the special night you just think, I'm doing a special. I gotta do this job. And then I have this and it has to connect by this bridge and you just go up there like a fucking robot.

You have to kind of trick yourself into like, hey, this means a lot but I don't give a fuck. You know I do. Whether there's 15,000 people or 15 people, it's all the same. Yeah, so the second you just start to think, yeah, it's the same thing. It'd be like hitting a baseball. There's no difference if there's a guy sitting there throwing the same fucking pitch,

but all of a sudden there's 60,000 people instead of watching six, instead of six watching, then all of a sudden it's just like, okay. Then you go up here. The second you go up here, you're done. You're done. I feel like I was watching the Twins Yankees the other day. The Twins were visibly nervous on the mound. Really?

The Twins just drive me fucking crazy. They come to the Yankee Stadium and they just can't do a goddamn thing. I was a Yankee fucking hater. It just drives me absolutely bananas. Did you see the drama with the Yankee fans making fun of the Twins pitcher? He was an Uber driver to start the season. Right. So they started chanting, Uber, Uber.

Right? Exactly. So all of a sudden the reaction online is, why are we making fun of someone who is trying to make ends meet? It's an honest living. Why don't you even get the joke? There's always three people that do that, and then they act like everybody said it

yeah we're big proponents of that people are saying it's like literally just two tweets oh that's my favorite way someone starts you've been called

I always go by who who said that by one person yeah and then we ran with it I know how this game works you're just gonna go negative and controversial

hoping that somebody stops and meanwhile you're kind of painting me out in a way that just isn't accurate. It's actually almost better now. It's always that way. I think this one was bigger than that, but

very often there are two tweets and someone writes an article about what people are saying. It's always been that way. Media's always been that way, but now we can check it. No, dude, two people said it. Here is it. You can search it online. This is the only fucking tweet talking about it, man.

The amount of log jam traffic that fucking Uber and Lyft are causing. And they go, oh, this is a little bit of Uber. You'd be driving anyways. It's like, no, these people are not full. They're like cabs. They're just driving around. So like, just imagine LA with all the traffic it had and now take all the cabs in New York City and put it, I drive to the club now and it's just, I'm in fucking like seven, eight, nine o'clock at night.

I am in like, uh, it's not gridlock, but I am in traffic and I have to add like another 15 minutes now. And I'm just thinking, I'm like, Hollywood Hollywood Bowl that show's going on now this isn't the traffic there there's no game I'm not near a stadium and I just finally was just like he's a bunch of you know I talked to a couple like I kind of take taxis still I'm with you on that

I like a pro they don't talk to you they don't give a fuck they earn that medallion I gave into the Uber thing though well sometimes it's, yeah, I kind of gave into it a little bit, but like I, um,

yeah. So, I mean, it's kind of fun. I don't know. It's a weird thing to just get in somebody's fucking car and they really haven't been vetted. Have they? I think I,

I saw someone describe Uber once as you give someone your credit card information, get in their car and hope they don't rape you. It's like, yeah, that's basically what it is. Yeah. I would think it would be for women. It would it would be more for them yeah i'm not in too much i think my sister was telling me she downloaded an app where it's basically like she registers when she gets in and out of ubers and people know where you are like if you don't say you got out in like 20 minutes or whatever the time is like it will send text but that's no good

until you got to tell the potential rapist that that's what you did. So they know they're going to get caught. That's what I said! I said exactly that. Because other than that, you just say, when you rape and kill me, they're going to find you. They won't see you laughing. You've got to be like, hey, just to let you know, I use this app.

That's exactly what I said. Do you get in the car and do you tell them, just so you know, I have this app. Don't try any fucking funny business. He's like, well, that's kind of mean. Yeah, I guess it is. Don't worry about her. The rapist's view. It is a funny way to say it.

Not saying you're a raper. Just put it out there. I have ways to find you. What do you think about the Bruins this year? Well, I mean, with 2-0, it's early. Is it cup or bust for you guys at this point? I feel like it is kind of. Are you a Liverpool guy, too?

What are we going to do? Are we just going to fucking get out of the league? We don't win it this year. That's it. We're folding up the tent. Relegation. Send them out. After 100 years.

Oh, you mean like break up the team? No, I wouldn't say that. I just think last year was an anomaly. It was a weird anomaly. Did I say it last year was an anomaly. It was a weird anomaly. Did I say it right? It was a weird – it was classic NHL, though. The officiating did not make sense. Yeah, that was crazy.

In that, like, they let a team beat the shit out of three teams that they weren't better than them. And it was just – and then they –, like the way the analysis was taught, they were like hyping up their goaltender. It was just like, he's playing behind the lock. They're running our goaltender. We don't have any tough guys anymore.

Cause you guys said you were getting that out of the league. And now they're playing, they had one line and they just beat you down to their talent level. Like when they played the seventh game against San Jose, there was like half their bench was in a mash unit. They just had destroyed them. And when I saw that series, I was telling my buddy, I go, dude, if they keep

letting them play like this, we got to beat them in five, six games tops, or we're going to be walking wounded. And I think, yeah, by then, I mean, Char was hurt by the seventh game and stuff. Which, I mean, when you say he's hurt, it's like it takes a lot. The big thing with those guys, how you had to beat them

is like you had to score the first goal so you took them out of that trap defense because then their goaltender, if they were playing from behind, he let up 10 goals

in two games and got yanked out of one of them. And then on all the other ones, it looked like Patrick was running in 86. It was a really like weird year.

So I had like mixed emotions. I hate that my team, I basically saw the Bruins get beat by Bruins hockey, which was really difficult to watch. But I miss the style of play that the Blues were playing. I was like, this is the hockey that I remember in like the maybe 90s. I wouldn't say 80s, but I would say 90s.

So I liked the way the Blues played, and I liked their players. I liked what they had. I was more pissed at the NHL. Like, what the fuck is this? I thought you said we couldn't do this anymore. You rewrote the rulebook and then threw that rulebook out the window. Yeah, and I sat there for seven games watching them run our goaltender. We didn't have a McQuaid, a Lucic.

Like, one of my favorite Bruins clips of this decade was when Rafi Torres threw that flying elbow at Andrew Ferentz. And McQuaid, just no questions asked, dropped the gloves, went over there, and just beat the shit out of him. I always show that to people. I'm like, this is how it's done.

This right here, this is the guy. He did that, and the whole Coyote bench was just like, oh, okay. Flying elbows are not in not doing that tonight and that's what we didn't have that whole series the first time somebody ran our goaltender we needed a mcquade type guy to go over there and uh let him know that that was not going to be acceptable and then they would have had to play hockey so i kind of understand that whole you got to let the it's the weirdest game where you have to let the players police the game.

I just think it's been out of hand for so long. It's like trying to get the guns. You've got to take back the guns. It's like, how? Pandora's box is open. I feel like the NHL is like that. It's like, you let them fight. It's too late.

It's too late. Plus, it's what people want. But I don't get why you've got to get the fighting out of hockey, but you don't have to get it out of boxing or the UFC. It's like that's all they do. It's part late. It's too late. Plus, it's what people want. But I don't get why you got to get the fighting out of hockey, but you don't have to get it out of boxing or the UFC. It's like that's all they do. It's part of the sport. Yeah. It's the entire sport.

Yeah, that's all they got. Do you make it to many games? No, I got the kid now. So I'm a big guy. I just buy the whole center ice thing. What's the $115 box? I was surprised how cheap it was. Yes.

That's not a bad deal. I unfortunately realized how old I was. I went to the Patriots Redskins game yesterday and I had to go out and get napkins and put it in my ears because my, my ears are junk from loud music and playing drums and shit. And like, it was just so loud. And then the fan next to me was yelling. He was saying cool shit. He understood the game, but it was, but he's just yelling like, like he was hitting on

me in a club or something. What are you doing for a living, sweetheart? So you're sitting there with like – You had an app you opened up? I just – yeah, I bought – Oh, yeah. No, and I'll tell you this because of my ears being fucked is like I can tell you without a doubt everybody who was there got permanent hearing damage. Because the decibels that that was coming out at through three hours, it's a combination of –'s a decibel level that your ears can handle, and then it becomes a thing on time. Time, yeah.

Okay? And then there's a decibel level that instantly. Like anything above like 120, you're screwed. And that thing was – I can gauge it by like the pain in my ears. You know, it's like an old man with his toe. It's going to rain. I can gauge. I'm like this is at a level that people they're not they're not you're not

it's not going to be a noticeable thing but every time you go in there it's i i kind of i had to read up on it because i had to see what i was doing to myself so it's all patriots fans too right um i was i was just on uh dan show and i compared it to the uh it's probably more accurate to say the the georgia florida game where they were in jacksonville it's probably more accurate to say the Georgia-Florida game. They were in Jacksonville. It felt like we went to a destination. Like a neutral site. Yeah, a neutral site.

It was like – it did seem more Patriots fans than Redskins fans. But when they scored that first touchdown and they went up 7-0, it got loud in there. 6-0 because we can't kick fucking P.A.T. Was it only 6-0? No, no, no, no. I'm saying the Redskins went up 7-0. It got loud in there. 6-0 because we can't kick fucking P.A.T. Was it only 6? No, no, no. I'm saying the Redskins went up 7-0. Wait, they scored first? I thought Pats scored first.

No. Did they? Was it 7-6? Maybe it was 7-6. Okay, I don't remember. Either way, I'm such a fan of watching at home now. I mean, the experience to me is so much better at home than... Yeah.

I mean, it's nice once in a while, the Bruins that we were looking at, have you seen the new seats with the Bruins? The new guard. I mean, I heard it's insane. I mean, anybody who's above like five, three, it's a five, nine person. Look at that. Oh my God.

I mean, like, I, like I physically couldn't sit through really bad and you're going to pay, you know, as much money as you got the whole package for the whole year at home to do that. And you're going to pay as much money as you got the whole package for the whole year at home to do that? That's a Lodge seat too. That guy's 5'9". If it's 7 feet tall,

does somebody own an airline just by the Bruins? That's easy. They added 400 seats to the Lodge. Okay, so wait. So that's just on the Lodge level? I believe so. But up top is already tight anyway. Up top, I don't even know what you could do up there.

Up top is very tight. Imagine that. And then how much you're paying for food and drinks and popcorn. It's $1,000. It's a $1,000 nightclub. I got a bad knee, and every once in a while, I got to kind of – I got to stretch it out there, you know? Someone's going to get kicked in the head.

You got old Billy Redface with his napkins in his ears, stretching his way down to the aisle. It all fell apart like three years ago. But it's a longer run than most people. I mean, I hit 27 and I was like, I was definitely, yeah. I was the Daryl Green of dads. I was, you know, I was still running a 12 flat. That's a good 40.

That's a good time for a dad. Right up to 47. And then the next year, the wheels fell off. And I just was just like... I took that Brett Favre hit when he was on the Vikings. And that was it. That was a career. What do you think about Paper Tiger so far? Has it been the reception? Absolutely. Insanely. The best, most positive,

awesome reviews I've ever gotten, both from comedians, people in the business, and of course the fans who matter the most because there's the ones that go um did you feel like it was like your best work or do you think that was just a matter of time like you just no i walked out questioning it really always going like oh did i was that special worthy or whatever and it's just it's it's you're so in your head when you do those things. So, but I mean, so much of it was Mike Binder, the way he shot the thing and the venue. Like I thought the way Mike shot it was as awesome as the venue, which is saying a lot

because that might be the nicest one I ever performed in. It was, it was crazy. Then the whole added element that it was like in a different country. So it had, the crowd just in a different country so it had the crowd just had a different sound to it so each special I try to do something a little bit different

as far as like you know so I'm playing the long game so somebody someday goes what's this guy about each one looks a little different this was in San Francisco this was on the east coast

this was down south this one was in black and white this one was in London so it's not just like I mean who's gonna watch like you know if I'm lucky enough to do like another – I don't know how many. We'll just say if you end up doing like 15 or whatever.

Like who would want to watch the same? Because then all you're doing is just watching somebody slowly dying. And it's going to remind you of your own mortality. And it is – I don't want to – this is depressing. Suicide note. Like I watched 10 Bill Burr specials in a row. I couldn't do it anymore. All that matters and it looks great, but like the content is king there.

Yes. And I mean, it's funny as shit. Content is king. So, and what I did was I really, you know, I stayed with my formula, which is I'm just going to say what I want to say and I'm going to try to be as funny as I can be and hopefully funnier than the last time you saw me. And I also respect people in that I feel people are adults and they know that they're watching something for adults.

They know that it's jokes and all that stuff. And I don't think that there's enough out there right now for mature adults as far as like people who just want to like see somebody, you know, cut loose a little bit and just say some crazy shit. Like, I mean, it's the most fun thing ever to just be like over the top absurd. Yeah. I was doing it last.

Oh, my God. Last night. I don't want to burn a joke because I need every joke that I have. But I was making fun of a certain someone on an award show. And just I'll tell you about it later. The shit I was saying, the shit I was saying and the fact that people would die in laughing

and the reason why they were laughing was because it was so ridiculous and so over the top but, you know, people who just,

you know, serious culture as I call it where they sit there and they act like you're on Meet the Press. I mean, I wouldn't even know

where they would start with that one. But that's like, and one of my favorite things to do as a comic is to just say something so ridiculous and absurd and get that, like, on the last special, the airbag joke was the one I always looked into the crowd and would see, you know, women and men just doing this and laughing. And that was my favorite. I just can't describe to you what that does to me to see that. And I got this bit on abortion now, and I saw there's this guy just crying, laughing. He had his elbows on his knees and was just like that.

And just as a comedian, you fucking live for that laugh because it makes you feel so good. And how I'm making him feel, whatever the fuck's going on in his life, when he has his hands, when anybody has their hands over their face laughing like that, you don't give a fuck about anything.

You're dying laughing. And it's just like, it's euphoric for both the person doing it and the person listening to it. That's what you're going for. So it's weird. So like all of this shit that people are trying to spin in a negative way it's like what you're at you're actually out there helping people

in a weird way you're like helping them like fucking just you know whatever yeah like i get a ton of emails of like people saying oh man i lost my job or uh yeah i just can't go and get through this breakup or my drive to work i listen listen to your podcast. It's just like you're actually helping people out. But they don't look at those fucking posts. No. You know, it's like when they vet somebody. They just scroll through all the good shit you did until they get to it. You know what I mean?

Works with the homeless. That's not it. Helped an old lady across the street. You know? Is there any concern? Like when you put out, because you kind of mentioned like the cancel culture and the special. Is there like, are you like, oh, I hope they don't get mad or like I don't give a fuck what they say.

Yeah, well, there's absolutely what would when you have eliminated your ability to defend yourself and there's not going to be any trial. And then you just take such a small like sampling of the general public and try to say that they're the majority. And then all these fucking pussy corporations cave to them because God forbid, they let one nickel roll out the door. So this thing can sort of write itself where we can meet in the middle because what they're trying to do is a good thing. They're trying to make it, you know, so people can't go around hurting people.

But it's just sort of just like, like water damage. It just kind of went seeped into everything. It's just like, how do we go from guys taking their dicks out at work to talking about my fucking shit joke? Yeah. There's a big gap there.

Like, what's going on here? Right. So, but the thing about it is, is that is not even remotely the majority of people. And so it is, but I understand what they're trying to do.

Like, I don't hate people who are out there basically trying to get comedians in trouble and shit like that. I don't hate those people. I just, I understand what they're trying to do, but it's like, it's a, it's gotta be within reason,

man. It's, it's, yeah, that's not going to solve anything. Like this whole political correctness now, um, you've just given people a roadmap.

Well, back in the day, you had to figure out where the sinkholes were because people just kind of talked the way they talked. And then you knew who they were. But now you can just easily go from this rock to this rock to this rock to this rock. I say he, she, and they. I have this stance on this thing. I don't make fun of Uber drivers, people who work for a living.

But all of that, it just teaches you. You're just teaching people what to say. You're not changing who they are as a person. You're just giving them the combination to the safe so they can look like they're a decent human being. And this whole thing of going back into people's past and finding mistakes that they made is just like – you can do that to me. You can go 10 minutes. This shit I did at yesterday's game. This guy came up to me and said,

are you Bill Burr? And my ears were hurting me so much, I just kept saying no. Okay? And I wish that I didn't do that. I wish that I didn't do that. Bill Burr's an asshole to his fans. You're done.

Then I got the napkins in my ear. You are way too famous to be doing that by now. Yes, you are. You are Bill Burr. I didn't do that. Bill Burns is an asshole to his fans. You're done. Then I got the napkins in my ear. You are way too famous to be doing that by now. Yes, you are. You are, Bill Burns. I got the napkins. It's kind of worth it for the face. What did he say? You don't even change your voice.

I didn't go, well, you know what? I'm not there, Sonny. I just said straight up. It's like, no, dude, I'm not. And he's just looking at me. Well, he also bugged me. No, dude, I'm not. He also bugged me because it was so fucking loud

and I was talking to my buddy and he just came up and he took his index finger and just was pushing on my forehand because he was like drunk so he started to be like he wanted to poke but I think he only had the energy to one time yeah and then he was sort of using that as like a tripod

to hold up so he was just sort of pushing on my forearm going interrupting going are interrupting, going, are you Bill Burr? Are you, are you Bill Burr? And I was like, nope. It's like, no, I'm not. Must have you confused with the other guy. Usually I'll put a twang. Well, no, I'm not. I don't know who the hell this fella is, but people keep saying, you know, I didn't do that. So that was yesterday. I regret doing that. I had a great. I regret doing that. I had a great two weeks with my wife, and right before I left, I got into some stupid fight about something.

I regret that. If that fucking stupid argument was filmed or recorded and put me on there, then I get like the Baldwin thing from back in the day, which he still gets shit about when he flipped out on his kid, which every parent does, and he never even cursed. I remember when I listened, that was my bit back then. I was like, Jesus, that's nuts. My mother said worse shit like that to me. So,

anyway, sorry. Got a little heated there. I like it. I like it. The passion's there, man. Is that 8-1? Yeah. Listen, as long as they get, as long as the Astros get to the ALCS, because someone's got to beat the fucking Yankees. That's all that matters. You're still hanging onto that? My entire life, dude. When are you going to let it go?

Never. Never. I will never, ever be able to let go of hating the Yankees. And then you know what? You're never going to be happy. I know. I know. That's the problem.

Listen. We just won six Super Bowls, four fucking World Series, an NBA title, and a Stanley Cup. It's just like, I don't have time. Like, the whole Yankee-Red Sox thing, it was over. If I won all that, I'd be fine, too. Oh, I thought you were a Stanley Cup. It's just like, I don't have time. Like, the whole Yankee Red Sox thing, it was over. If I won all that, I'd be fine too. Oh, I thought you were a Boston guy.

No, I'm a Yankee hater. I'm a Mets fan. Oh, Mets fan. So I got nothing. All right, I get it. I get it. I'm sorry. I get it.

Now you get it. You just have the anger of a Boston guy. No, but I saw a buddy of mine. He wrote something petty about the Yankees on Twitter. And it's just like, yeah, it's like, we played the last year wrote something petty about the Yankees on Twitter.

As a Boston guy, I'm like. Yeah, it's like we played the last year in the playoffs. We won. God bless you. You got 27. We're never going to catch you. I don't give a fuck. I just wanted you to stop yelling 1918, which you did. Mission accomplished.

Mission accomplished. And all I wanted to see was them win it once. I got to see everybody win it. So, like, I am right now, I am so excited for the Yankee-Astro thing. And I want to see great baseball, may the best team win, and I am also a huge stats guy, and I am fascinated with the fact that the New York Yankees, since Babe Ruth in the 1920s, every single decade,

they've been to at least one World Series. In only one decade did they never win one, and that was the 80s. Really? Because they went in 81, and they lost to the Dodgers. So I like a streak. Are you going to root for the Yankees? No, I'm going to watch. Okay, don't you fucking dare.

Don't you dare. Here's the great thing. The great thing about just watching is then it's in, because it's actually, there's a great thing about your team not making the playoffs, because now you don't have to die a thousand deaths. Even if your team wins the whole thing, you're going to die probably 10,000 because they went through the whole rounds.

You just can, I can just sit back. I just want to, I'm, I'm in Yankees, Astros. I am rooting for extra innings. That's all. I want, I want, I love October baseball. The way they mic up the crowds. I just want it to keep fucking going. You get the best announcers.

I love the whole thing. So I have let go. Like my Yankee friends still fucking like, you know, I got a couple of them. Like, you know, when Boston choked with Valentine, one of them out of nowhere, I heard him from in years. Yeah, fucking fuck Boston, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it was just like, dude, don't you understand that I just saw the sadness of your life? Yeah. I just saw you home alone just being like, yeah, yeah, fuck Boston, fuck Boston. It's just like

I saw I now know that you do that just how pathetic you are and that I don't do that anymore it's great

even like New York's big on that like living in the past like Giant fans still come up and try to give me shit about the Patriots and I'm just like

dude yeah you got us twice but I will take those two losses plus the Eagles all day long to win six. I was at the Giants game yesterday and some people,

you know, I'm a Patriots fan. They were kind of busting my balls. I was like, guys, come on. I'm way better than them. They would switch seats with you in a second. I mean, if you want to be a dick, you can be like, yeah,

and now we have more Super Bowl championships than the Jets, the Giants, and the Bills, all three of your teams combined. Like, why would you bring this up? Why would you do that? I don't want to rub it in your face because then I become like those assholes

like the Yankee fans were. So what I've discovered is what your rival wants is your misery. So if I was to sit here in like a fucking jerk-off, be upset, no, no, no, but my team won it last year and beat them i mean what's gonna happen every year if i actually sat here wasting energy doing all that stuff you know scaring my kid and the fucking fish it's like i'm not doing that anymore i want to see like yeah i want to see like uh yeah i want to see a fucking great series. I heard that the Yankees' starting pitching is a little questionable.

They got Verlander. How are the chess pieces all going to come in? I think Aaron Boone's a great coach. I love when a former player turns out to be great. I actually got excited when I saw Joe Girardi was interviewing for the Cubs. I just, I always like, even when he played with the Yankees, I just liked him because he just looked like a catcher. Yeah.

He is. He is a catcher through and through. And as an old guy now to see that he still looks like he could fucking tip me upside down and throw me through that wall. It gives me hope that I can heal my shoulder. If I put earplugs in, I can deal with the clanging of my getting shape girl weights. So I'm telling you.

You still got it though. Yeah. Dude, you gotta let, you gotta let go of that. It's eating you up, man. If I dude, you got to let go of that. It's eating you up, man. If I could just win one, I would be genuinely a much happier and more relaxed person. I just want one.

I know. Yeah, that's World Series. But literally the look on your face is scaring pussy away right now, and there's no woman in here. Just that energy just makes them like, oh, this is a rageaholic. I don't want to be around this guy. How are you? Nice to meet you.

What's up? I'm the one from fucking World Series. You want to date me? I don't know a lot about women, but they don't like clenched teeth. That kind of makes them be like, yeah, I don't feel like

that would be a conversation I want to be in. So there you go. All right. So the special's out. Paper Tiger. Also, I mean, fucking Star Wars.

F is for family. Oh, by the way, November 11th, that's Jon Favreau and all these incredible directors. They all did one episode, and I've never been a sci-fi guy. Yeah, how funny that you end up in the biggest sci-fi. Yeah.

I like more like, I was always more Blade Runner, Sam Rockwell movie, Moon, Space Odyssey 2001 I like that creepy sort of thing I just by the time I watched

Star Wars it was just too late in the game for me I was watching Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Animal House and shit and then just like you know

may the force be with you I just so anyways how I ended up getting that was I talked to John I was just like John you know

I've made fun of this like a million times my podcast and he goes yeah I think that's what would be funny I think it'd be funny because he's the coolest guy so then I did just like, John, you know I've made fun of this like a million times in my podcast. And he goes, yeah, I think that's what would be funny. I think it'd be funny because he's the coolest guy ever.

So then I did it and I was like, you know, I hope that went well because I don't know anything about that world. I mean, I know Chewbacca. I know the Mount Rushmore guys. Right, right.

So, but then on the last day, I don't know if I'm even allowed to say, like the level of technology, dude, was fucking crazy. Like I was almost, one scene almost got vertigo because it was like shit moving in the background behind the actor like if the camera moved the whole background moved it was it was fucked so on the last day they had me up on this

thing doing whatever and he goes and he came walking in with like this ipad into this like we were surrounded 360 by this green screen he goes he just goes you want to see the trailer and i was like yeah yeah you know and he pressed play and when i watched the trailer the trailer everybody's seen now and i was like oh my god this looks like a spaghetti western like when i saw the stormtrooper heads impaled on the stakes i was just like what the fuck is this? Like this, this is the Star Wars I've been waiting for. So, it's cool.

You know what's funny is I, I've always had like sports fans coming up to me going like, dude, you fucking fear the berries, dude.

That was crazy stuff. And yesterday at the Redskins game, I had like this Comic-Con type kid come up and they're like the nicest, most, they're the opposite energy.

Hello, Mr. Burr. How are you? Hey, just wanted to say I'm really excited about – oh, I can't wait for that to come out. I just started laughing. I'm like, you are the most adorable person I've ever met in my life. See, those are the people who aren't worried about the Yankees losing. They're happy. They're nice.

I am excited that I'm going to somehow be on people like that's radar. Cause I did one other thing out there. I've only been to one comic con. I got to host this thing. Vince Gilligan, once again, hooking me up, which is the reason I'm ever, I ever got to where the hell I'm at as far as like any acting that I do.

He had me host this breaking bad thing. You know, I was like typical comic con, bunch of nerds, dressed in like Chewbacca. I went down there. They were fucking the nicest. Yeah.

And they was, they were so into TV. They were just like, how did you mic that scene? They were like, I was just like, it was just like us if we talked to a baseball player.

Can you show me how to throw a knuckleball? How do you, do you just push it? I got a big wiffle ball game. I know you're busy. They're like that about all of these TV shows. So I think it's going to be a fun

next sort of thing where having a foot in both of those. I would say getting into the Star Wars universe is a good idea. Not bad for business. Thank you to Jon Favreau for reaching down, pulling me way up into that. Ride that wave. So there we go. And thanks to Mike Binder for shooting it. Paper Tiger streaming now on Netflix.

Go watch it. Have a good time. All right. Are you doing any – are you in the Breaking Bad movie at all? No. No, I'm not. I was going to do a better call. All right, that's Bill Burr.

Thank God, went well. It's a big relief. And then even bigger, ATI. Bill did it on the internet. Bill liked it. Yeah, he enjoyed it. That was scary because, again. I thought Bill Burr would hate ATI.

And some of the questions he would have. Like, I didn't give him anything about, like, you know, like, blowing your dad's dick. he enjoyed it that was scary because again i thought bill bear would hate ati some and some of the questions he would have like we i didn't give him anything about like you know like blowing your dad's dick he'd be like what the fuck are we doing here right what's wrong with you fucking guys huh i thought you guys were normal but then after we did it and it was all good he really he played along he like got into character to do it and then we were leaving and um i asked him if he wanted to take some of the questions with him and he was like, even that, I was like, Bill, do you want to take this with you? I'm offering him something for free,

but I was like, he might fucking hate me for this. And he was like, I already like you guys. You don't need to buy me with shit. And Kelly was like, here's your bag of t-shirts. He's like, I don't want the t-shirts. I'm fine. I just like you guys. Nope, I'm all set.

I mean, that's just his personality, I'm sure, but he's also on the level of like success and and and i feel like when you're a comedian for so long you just seen you just see the matrix you just know how people work and you know how people operate and he's just like i'm gonna do exactly what i want to do and not do anything i don't want to do and talk to i want to talk to not talk to it i want to talk to and fuck the rest i envy that because i would have i would not want that bag either. I would take that bag.

Not when you're out and about doing shit. You don't want a fucking bag. I would carry it down wherever you're going next to the hotel, to the airport. I'd carry it in my hotel and that would be a nice kindness that the world bestows upon me

that I just forgot about the bag, honestly. Otherwise, I would just have that and I'd bring it home and I'd put it in my closet and I'd stay there until I moved apartments and I'd probably bring it with me to a new apartment and like i just have this bag with me for the rest of my life it's actually my favorite kanye tweet when he woke up on a plane

and the uh stewardess had given him a bottle of water uh the yeah the flight attendant gave him a bottle of water and he just tweeted like i was asleep and someone put a bottle of water on my seat and now i gotta be responsible for this bottle of water. Like, that's how, like, what the fuck is this? Now I've got to watch out for this water all the whole flight? Yeah, no, when you get to that level of, basically,

the whole point of trying to, like, be rich and successful and happy is to not have that bag. Nope. People think it's the nice part about being rich and famous. You get free stuff. Saying No, the free stuff. Free stuff. Like, ah, it's a burden. Saying no to the free stuff.

Can I just pay it for it and be done with this? I don't want to feel like I owe you things anymore. I have to go to the Natty Tour this weekend, and I don't know what I'm going to do with all my stuff. You have to go to the Texas State Fair. I'm like, I have luggage that I'm going to need, and then I'm flying. It's not like I'm going to go all the way across town. Oh, you're going to the State Fair this weekend? Yeah. Are you a big State Fair guy, Chaps? I'm nervous because

you guys know what I've been dealing with since Easter of 2007 and having to be around that many fried corn dogs and all that stuff. I legitimately tomorrow have on my calendar to add alerts every hour to take Imodium. You need like an IV

drip if you're just walking around with the thing the bag hanging. just have a steady Imodium drip. Yeah, it's going to be terrible. Are you into state fairs? You know that we have like waged war

against state fairs around these parts. I think that Texas state fair is different. Like if it was like, do you want to go to the Delaware state fair? I'd say no.

Like absolutely not. But Texas one is just so enormous that you have to kind of try, like a fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Sign me up. Yeah. Well, that's basically... Everyone tells me about the fried food. That sounds good. I'm too old for the fucking

Gravitron, but I'll go. I was thinking about that. Specifically the Gravitron. I think if I went to Gravitron, now, I think I'd die. I think my brain would come out of my ears. I don't think I can handle roller coasters and loops and fucking rides and shit like that now. I was never scared of them now. The idea of that scares me too. Absolutely. I don't think it's going to work. The one that I do love. handle like roller coasters and loops and fucking rides like that now scared of them now like the

idea of that scares me too absolutely i don't think the one that i don't need to go off the ground i don't just spin upside down and all that the one i will ride while i'm there is the swings i fucking love the swings it's just so much fun to swing the swings swing with no effort we're talking the one like that yeah it spins and you're just like you're just like the one out there problem child too yeah he's like throwing up all over the place but the like i we're talking the one like that that spins and you're just like the one on Problem Child 2 where the dude's like throwing up all over the place but I'm still scared of those I haven't been to a place

where I would ride a ride in quite some time but just thinking on it, I don't think I'd ride a theme, because it's one of those things where it's weird, where it's like I just want to die but like I don't want to be an active participant. You know what I mean?

Like, like I'm always here. Like, look, if I just didn't wake up tomorrow, that's fine. And I don't have like the fear of death. I just don't want to be like,

I don't want to be laughed at in my death. Like they're like, yeah, obviously that fucking swing was going to break at the state fair, dude. You stupid idiot. No kidding. You were going to go fly in 300 yards and X crack.

You're going to be dead in front of, I would, if you die, I would like it to be like that. Imagine just like the little chains break off and you're just It's so easy for that to happen. Flying off to the horizon, oh man.

That's it. I have things to live for and I just don't want to do something where I'm like, I might die by doing that. It's great. That's the beauty of being a child, I think. You don't realize you have things to live for so you're just not scared of stuff like I got I used to jump off garages no but I also used to swan dive out of my treehouse yeah that's crazy yeah dove right that jump dove now that's like a third three-story treehouse just like three bags of leaves I think that like being reckless like that is like you don't realize

that, you know, if you like break a bone or whatever, it's going to be like a fucking pain in the ass. But I think there's something to like when you're older, like going on a ride,

I think fucks you up more than it did. I also think that when you're older, you're embarrassed to have fun in public. Like when you, if you're just like,

wee! If Japs in the swings, people seeing you smile big, you're like, I look like a fucking idiot here. I'm having such a great time. That was terrible. Who's that old man having way too much fun on the swings?

Who's that old bearded fuck laughing? Fuck this guy. Get a job. I love it. I'm happy I got you on here because I got a little podfather's situation. Okay. Last night was back to school night meaning i had to go to the auditorium they do like a presentation here are all our teachers

here's when our fundraisers are welcome back a complete waste of time completely and then uh and then you go to the classroom after that for like 10 minutes to tell you how your kid's doing with the other parents whatever so i get there and i i walk in I'm like 15 minutes early and I sit in the back row by myself and uh in your little chairs? no these were adult chairs when they make you sit in the little chairs it's so emasculating

the teachers must be like this is a power play we're gonna make you sit in these little chairs bitches just so you know I'm the principal I mean it is like a interrogation process and the teachers are I mean, it is like a that's like an interrogation process, right? And the teachers are, like, we all, I think in American society, we have to be like,

I respect the military. I respect first responders. I respect teachers. Teachers are fucking weird, man. Whenever they go up there and they start talking to the parents and they're like, I'm not used to talking to adults. I'm more used to talking to littles. Shut up, you fucking creep. Be a normal fucking person.

You work with kids, but you're still a fucking adult. Don't call them littles. I've said that before. I think we have to respect all of those professions. And I think another one on top of it that gets too much of a pass is service industry.

I think people are always like, if you haven't been a waiter, I don't want to hear your opinion. First of all, I've been a waiter. And guess what? It's not that fucking hard. People are dickheads sometimes. Every fucking job you work in,

someone's a dickhead that day. That just happens. And the teaching one, when they're always like, you don't even know. I have to buy all my students' materials. No, you don't. Why?

You know what would help the service industry? If people had tails like dogs. Because imagine if you were a waiter and you come up and you're talking to me and you're like, how's the steak? And my tail's between my leg. I'm like, oh no, it's good.

But if you come up and I'm eating steak and my tail's fucking going nuts, you're like, you fucking love that steak, you son of a bitch. People should have tails. Cosign. People should have tails. It would be so much easier because women get creeped out on elevators. Like if you walked in and you could tell if a lady's feeling nervous because her tail goes between her legs.

Like, oh, sorry, I'll get off. If you're uncomfortable, I'll get off. I'm not a rapist. Just so you know, I'm just going up to four. Just give me a couple stops. And then your tail's not like straight and pointed up so they know you're not horny you're just on the elevator you're just trying to get where you're going you spent too much time with dogs bro i i like all this and guess i think you just want to become a dog i think you're out on

human life i find your own nuts come on you think you think a girl having a tail would be hot i think i think i find a tail sexy i think I've seen a video or two in my day. Oh, like the plug. It's a plug, but it's a tail. Guess what? I'm like, it is hot. Maybe it's just because I know the tail is coming from the buttholes. It's that there's something in their butt that's hot,

not the fucking horse tail that's hanging out the back. I think it both plays. I think they both work. I'm not a big fan of the feather tail, though. No? Because it covers up everything you want to see. Yeah, that's true. That's always the problem with the

increased amount of butt stuff activity these days is that it's filled up most of the time. You don't really see what you're looking at. It used to be added visual while something else was going on elsewhere. You know what I mean?

I don't want to see the sparkly jewel back. I like that, too, though. I like it all. You like it all. I'm easy to please. Anyway, back to parent-teacher night. So I tweeted, because I'm also, you know, when I started Podfathers,

the whole goal was to shoot you straight and tell it like it is. No one's excited to go back to parent teacher night you know and it's not that i'm sitting there the whole time like fuck i don't want to be here this is terrible it's just kind of like i i don't know uh you know this is not the best use of time so i was eating my fucking plate and i was sending some tweets i had to send an email at one point i was nervous and awkward because i was going to see caitlin there and all that shit and uh then i you know, everything went totally normal.

And then later that night, someone replied to my tweet where I was talking about how awkward I am at these things. And he said something to the effect, I can't read it because it's since deleted, but he was like, yeah, well, maybe if you didn't just sit in the back with your plate of carrots on your phone talking to the other parents, you wouldn't be so awkward. Nobody cares about what you did. Just take care of your kids parents you wouldn't be so awkward nobody cares about what you did just take care of your kids and it won't be weird and uh i like how he just explained like you wouldn't be awkward if you just weren't a person who got awkward it's like yeah if you

were a person who would walk around and talk to people it's like sure anxiety and social situations you wouldn't be awkward i right i would love to walk up to all these teachers all these parents who i don't really know and socialize with them and hope that they're nice people. But chances are, pal. Nobody wants to do that. Also, you're right. That's not normal. That's not normal, right? That's not normal.

No doubt. But then also, when the crowd is filled with people like you, you motherfucker, who's going to sit here and watch me eat my carrots and have a problem with it? Everything about parenting is going through the motions. Like, whenever you're going to the parent teacher, I don't give a fuck what the music teacher says. I don't care what songs you're going to sing this year. I don't. Whenever you're going to the parent-teacher, I don't give a fuck what the music teacher says. I don't care what songs you're going to sing this year. I don't care what you're going to paint. I don't give a fuck. I'm there because my wife is going to be mad if I don't go.

That's it. And that's what we're here to do. Another dad saying that to me was the problem. If a mom said that to me, I'd be like, alright, lady. Fuck off. Another dad, it's like, what do you it's like an old school you're not a chick are you you can't you can't no you can't a dad can't shame another dad for saying oh man i'm at parent teacher night and it's awkward fuck you dude the real hero dad is the one that stands

up in the back and just like this could have been an email like that's all you need dude the teacher was like uh uh even the teacher when you need dude the teacher was like uh uh even the teacher when we went to the classroom was like scrambling she was like so we're learning letters um we're starting pre-k or yeah yeah like we're starting with the letters that have the straight lines and then we're gonna teach them the squiggly ones no i was like i can't even write number four he's a fucking idiot so we're doing some remedial shit she was like we're doing the weather uh where we talk about if it's hot that day or cold i was like yeah i know i fucking know the only thing that was funny was that she told me that uh that all the kids in the class are getting confused and they think that halloween is a month

they're like august september halloween november honestly just let it ride halloween like october is halloween yeah they're not wrong one of those things but They're like August, September, Halloween, November. Honestly, just let it ride. What's your favorite month? Halloween. October is Halloween. They're not wrong. One of those things. Actually, I like what we're doing with society. I think sorority girls get a bad rep for this.

It's like birthday week, birthday month. I think we're just taking the good days and we're extending them into long periods. And eventually there aren't going to be bad days. We just extended Christmas to every other holiday. Yeah, Christmas is... You need to get from Christmas to 4th of July. And then back around. Really, we're just taking huge amounts of time for very singular events.

All of October is just Halloween now. It's awesome. I love it. All of November is Thanksgiving. December, Christmas. February, New Year's. They're just full fucking months. It's a genius idea St. Patrick's Day

you can celebrate St. Patrick's Day every fucking weekend of March that's just a northeast thing when I come up here during March I'm like you motherfucking Irish people love your shit I don't do it anymore when I was like still drinking still partying but not

like fading out of my career in drinking yet, I mean, I couldn't handle the, well, the first weekend is Hoboken, and the second weekend is New York City, and the third weekend is Long Island, and the fourth weekend is Scranton. Every single weekend, there is, within driving distance, a massive St. Patrick's Day party. A major. That's dangerous. I'm also back in on green beer. I fucking love it. Yeah, sure. Why not? It's so festive. I back in on green beer. I fucking love it. Yeah. Sure.

Yeah. Why not? It's festive. I don't have any green beer, to be totally honest. Really? I'm sure I've been to places where a green beer was being served, but I don't know if I've ever consumed one. When it comes out of the keg green, it's funny.

Yeah. It's green. I haven't been actively avoiding it. I just don't think it's ever kind of, the stars have an alliance. We'll have some green beers this year. Okay. During the month of March. Yeah.

At some point. During the month of St. Patrick's Day. All right. Let's do some green beers this year. Okay. During the month of March. Yeah. At some point. During the month of St. Patrick's Day. All right, let's do some voicemails here. Chaps. Can I tell you one more thing before we hop into a voicemail? Yeah, sure. So I'm in a very big predicament.

Remember on Podfathers, we talked about how I was leaving the Braves for the Astros. Oh, buddy. Nightmare situation. Could happen. It could happen. I got asked it last night on the radio,

and I said, in my heart of hearts, like I wouldn't blog this way, or I wouldn't admit it publicly, which I still won't do. If they play, I would definitely be rooting for the Braves. Definitely. I mean, there's your answer, though. That's it, then.

I mean, we're not going to tell anybody about it. We're going to keep it private. Thank you. No one's listening. I mean, by the way, that's not like a terrible... It's like the Astros are... Well... Who knows what the Astros are doing right now, but they're both good teams. It's not like you're picking the Braves.

That's the wrong choice. I want to like the Astros so much, but whenever... We were at this resort this weekend, me and my wife. She was getting dressed and ready to go out, and I was watching TV. In the bathroom, she can hear... She was like, are you watching the fucking Braves? I was like, yes.

We're back. Like I'm sneaking cookies from the cookie jar. By watching the Braves, she was like, I'm going to tweet that out from your account. I was like, don't you dare. You better not. Oh, man. And the Astros are going to be tweeting at you and shit? They tweeted at me last night.

I talked about it a little bit on the radio. The official account did? Yeah, the official account tweeted at me, and they were just like, buddy, come on, come on, come on. I might be an asshole. I might be pulling for that just to see what happens. The Braves tweeted at me when my grandma died, and they tweeted at me, hashtag Nana's Braves.

We'll do it for her tonight. No way. Really? You get a lot of the official account interaction. We'll do it for her tonight. No way. Really? You get a lot of the official account of Interactive. You little slut. They're just coming after you. You're like the Bachelorette. Maybe you'll be an ALN guy. People really respect that. Yeah, everybody loves that move.

I think that's fairer than anything, though. I don't mind the Mets. Yeah, but the problem is when they meet. It's not a strong rooting interest, but there's like if the opposite conference, I think you can always have I don't mind the Mets. Yeah, but the problem is when they meet. It's not a strong rooting interest, but there's like, if the opposite, in the opposite conference, I think you can always have someone like,

yeah, when they play, I like to watch them. It's a lot easier, I think, in basketball where you just pick players. Because I don't really have a rooting interest for a team really in the NBA. I just pick players. Maybe I'll just do that, but just two teams. I'll just be two team guys. Maybe I'll just get the house divided jersey.

Two-team chapsy over here. Loyalty's just dead, huh? I'm too loyal. That's my problem. I guess, yeah, you still got that. The Braves blood's still in you. You heard the tomahawk chop, and you got a little chop. Got more Braves blood than Elizabeth Warren, folks.

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Yeah. I used to nut fucking quick as shit. What was your fastest nut? Like taking my pants off. And then just sticking around. But luckily, when I was younger, you had higher testosterone. So you'd be like uh just give it a minute i'll be ready yeah not anymore buddy no no let's pleasure you my lady yeah this is not about me yet just yeah maybe tomorrow it's like what video game was that's like contra when you stay away from the fight your power

starts going back up oh yeah that's basically what happened to my boner. You stick around. You go away for a little while, and it's like building up in the corner again. I'm like, I'm ready to fight. Put me back in, coach. No, we don't need any of that. You just wipe it on. Your dick stays hard, but you save that nut. Five bucks.

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a 10 inch deck and we didn't believe her because that's just absurd um and so after a long time of not believing her she just decided to show us a picture and I refused to look at it she's been dating this guy for like five years. Like we're at the point where they're going to get married. Like it's just a when and if. And I didn't want to see it. I don't want to have to look at him all the time and just know that I've seen his dick. I don't want him to ever find out that I saw his dick. And my friends think I'm crazy for not wanting to see. I just, I have no desire. And my other friends did confirm that it was actually kindred.

So still know it, but just don't have the picture. Am I the asshole or should I have left the picture? Thanks, guys. Okay, this is like one of the easiest questions I've been asked in my entire life. This woman's friend has a, her friend's boyfriend has a humongous penis no one believed him so she wanted to show that in picture show the whole picture to the table at dinner this one person refused is she the asshole yeah yeah yeah i i'll i make a solemn promise right now if you offer to show me any person ever naked thousand percent so and you want to show me

a penis a vagina a boob a butt you show me anything naked from any person alive good bad ugly i'll take a look so you know what and and you'll go back to bill burr when we did answer the internet one of the questions was uh if you stumbled upon your buddy's a porn that your buddy made with his girlfriend would you watch it? Yes. First of all, yes. And then would you tell him? I would fucking buy like eight more TVs and put it

on my wall. I'd go big screen on it. I'd invite him over. I'd have a 3D goggles. So Bill Burr, he thinks we're like young weirdos for that. You've got to look.

He was like, I don't want to see my buddy's old face. If you guys didn't look at my porn, I would be so insulted. So insulted. Show me anything. I did it with a buddy once. This is how old we are now. I watched my buddy's sex tape with his girlfriend once, and I was in his room.

We were living together in newport and i saw his camcorder and i was like i wonder what's on this thing and rewound a little bit hit play it's him and his girlfriend fucking i immediately ran to the living room got all my other friends i was like you guys gotta come in here we got chris's porn in here and we all just sat there watching on like the camcorder screen that flips out We were all sitting in bed holding the person in the middle, who I believe was me or my buddy Brendan, and holding the camcorder. Just everyone was kind of craning their necks, being like,

well, there were scene changes, location changes. Wow. Started in the bathroom, moved to the bedroom. That's not a testament to how old we are. By the way, that's a testament to how awesome your friend was at a young age, that he was rocking that lifestyle with the camcorder. I don't know that she ever found out. They are no longer together.

I don't know if she ever found out that I watched her have sex. She did now. Well, yeah. I think she lives in England now, to be honest. She probably won't hear this. Was it a good performance by your buddy? Oh, great. Yeah, he's got a big old dick on him.

Dazzy? Yeah. That would be the funniest part. That's the only way you do that. You only really want to make a porn of yourself if you have an above average dick. Or just a great stroke shape. If you have like a shitty dick, because there's comparison in porn, because I think it's kind of like water, like whenever it goes in, like your dick looks smaller on video automatically. Because just the perception of where you're at depth-wise.

That's why it's crazy when a dick looks big in porn. It's like, boy. There should be freak rules. I don't think that, like, if I, I wouldn't want my wife showing her friends, like, my slightly above-average penis. But if I had a huge dick, I wouldn't care. Right, right.

But there should be freak rules. I like freak rules. If you have a freak dick, anyone can see. And it's not even, like, a sexual thing at that point. That guy's not mad. He's like, oh, God, there's some giant penis and we're fawning over it. Right.

And honestly, and that friend, now maybe that friend now maybe actually i don't care i think it doesn't matter i know like some people have like shown like my dick pics i'm like whatever i don't give a fuck well it's not it doesn't don't get me wrong it does not fall into the freak rule but that means it's good enough that means you have a good enough dick i have a fine dick yeah a fine dick an okay if you had a bad if you had a have a fine dick. Yeah, a fine dick. An okay dick. If you had a bad dick, you'd be upset about it. And we've got to get to a spot in society where we are okay with that. Is it funny that we can't see it? Like, oh, I want a huge dick.

Well, first of all, no, you don't. No, you don't. I wouldn't want... If you offered me, do you want a 10-inch dick? I would say hell no. I think I would pass. I think I'd say I'm okay with what I have. That's cumbersome.

That's all you're known as. I'll take a 10er. You'll take a 10er? I'm not taking like 12. I'll take 10 would like i would really like nine my god like steal that's what i'm saying that's the number where i think you become a freak 10 i think is like i think you're you're a legend i think you you are cutting down on the number for potential sexual partners i think there are a lot of people who just cannot have sex with his penis i think that there's a lot of girls who probably i think you're not cutting down

on the number. I think the number is going up. I think the quality is going down. I think there are girls who are like, I'll fuck that guy with a 10 inch dick. And then halfway through, they're like, you're only getting the tip in there. But they'll say yes. That's true, because it is what they want to find out. I wonder if he did a poll. I want average dude would say.

I want an 8 inch dick. I think 8 inches is great. I think 8 inches is being like six, five where it's like, you're big, but like, you're not like, Oh, why aren't you in the NBA?

It's just like, I'm a tall ass dude. Like if you have like a 10, it's probably too much. You're right. You don't want to be like taco fall. Eight inch dick. Yeah,

exactly. An eight inch dick. I don't even know if someone would say like, you look at it like that's an eight inch dick. They would just make that guy is a fucking hammer on him. You know, like John Hamm's dick is probably a good eight eight and a half nice thick eight inches because that's the thing with like good hot italian sausage most long dicks they're not going to be long and thick looking like this fucking microphone like you don't want

that would you would you want uh heather brooks husband's dick? That pencil dick? Marine, by the way. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, his dick has got to be what looks like 14 inches long, but like a half inch wide. Yeah, I probably wouldn't trade that. But it's such a great dick for her skill set. Yeah. Because it disappears.

They were a locking key, bro. It was like, this throat and that dick are me. His mind had to be blown. Because, you know, like. His dick was blown. He went with so many. He had to be with so many other ladies before he got with Heather Brooke

and there's no way that anybody else can do that. And then when it disappeared, it was probably like a four-year-old watching a fucking magic trick. Just an absolute sleight of hand. Where'd it go? How did you do this? I think that if you were a single guy and you encountered a Heather Brooke

type girl, I think I would just marry her. I think that's how that guy got married. I think he was just like, single guy and you encountered a Heather Brook type girl, I think I would just marry her. I think that's how that guy got married. I think he was just like, well, here's a ring. You think so? I'd be overwhelmed. A performance like that? Have you had a performance like that?

I don't think I have. Yeah, that's what I mean. I guess, yeah, if you find a unicorn, you trap it. Yeah, that's one that's hard to... Or it would weigh heavily. If I was on the fence about things, that would be like, alright, tipping point. I think that's why so many people get in shitty marriages. Because the sex is good. That's always a line

I remembered from Fool's Gold, a classic Matthew McConaughey film. When they're in the divorce proceedings. I think the mom or the lawyer is yelling at Kate Hudson, like, you married a guy for the sex and expected him to be a good person or something like that.

And it's like, you're right. And I'm like, you could probably have that divorce proceeding and most of them. You could have that sentence. Repeat that same sentence. You married someone for the sex and thought they were going to be a good person. Like, ah, what are you going to do? I believe they went on to have kids, those two, right? I think that's the reason why they stopped performing or watching. What if they came, we talked about

that with like Eddie Murphy coming back and like Ch Murphy coming back and Chappelle coming back. If Brazzers had we got Heather Brooke she's got the comeback video three scenes or something like that Heather Brooke's an anal scene

and a fucking blowjob scene. That had to have been filmed 15 years ago. If she goes back to the laundry room, oh my god. I know for a fact some of them are in 2001 because they had the dates on the bottom. They had the watermark. Some of them were definitely 2001. I don't know when they stopped,

but there was absolutely filming of IDepthroke.com in 2001. God, that was almost 20 years ago. I believe I've seen 2002. I think I saw two on there. You saw two on there? If Heather Brooke comes back in the laundry room and she comes back with that shiny bikini on, I mean, forget it. That was the first time I ever

seen ass to mouth. I was blown away by just the premise of it. Just the sheer concept. To me still that just seems dirty. It's not exactly hygienic. It's a lot. It's a lot.

And it's not even something that behavior like that certain actions like that, I don't, it's not like. How do you approach that the first time? Like the first person's like, okay, now put it back in your mouth. You wouldn't know? I feel like that's got to be, the girl just does that on her own, to blow your mind.

Yeah, you can't ask that. You can't, let me make one thing clear. When I look at the camera, do not ask a girl to do that. That has to be a scenario where she's just trying to be like, I gonna blow his mind with how much of a whore i am and she does it and you were like oh my god that's so awesome but it really it doesn't feel different it's not anything i it's not like i want you to taste an ass dick but it's just that the fact that you're willing to do it makes me be like whoa there's so many things where it is like there is at least physical pleasure that can be derived from it there's none of that this is just all mental it's like be derived from it. There's none of that. This is just all mental.

So much of it's mental. So much of it's mental. How much would you pay for a Heatherbrook comeback tape? Mind you, portals themselves are expensive as is. They're like 50 bucks. They're like $50, $60 for a portal. Now, also, mind you, I'm going into this full well-knowing. It's going to be disappointing.

We've seen some people they it's the age father time is not nice to porcelainers when you get out of the game it's tough yeah so yeah it's one of those things i do think is best left alone but it'd be like paying for penny hardaway shoes whenever they come back out yeah it would be like a retro like a retro release. You know, they're not going to be as good or comfortable as what's, what's like modern, but you gotta have it.

Yeah, you do. I mean, you get the 2019 retro version of Heatherbrook. I would pay. What colorway did you get? I'm going to, I'm going to tell you a number,

but then it's also way higher than this number. Because if like, if, if you, let's say there was a door to door salesman and he was like, here it is. But like, if you don't buy this,

I'm walking away and you can't buy it. Like Beanstalk, like a Magic Beanstalk situation. The number is huge. The number is huge. What is it? I would pay like $1,000 for that. I'd drop four digits on that. I think that's fair.

And especially in our line of work, like I can't – say this book drops on Sunday. Oh, I don't even mean like charging it to the company. No, yeah. Say it drops on Sunday. I cannot come in here on mean like charging it to the company. No, yeah. Say it drops on Sunday. I cannot come in here on Monday and record without having seen this like monumentous tape. I'd be doing the listeners a disservice. I'd be bad at my job if I didn't watch it. You have to give it to somebody who's like a producer first to chop it up into pieces.

I think to make your thousand bucks worth it and just do it. Watch it over the course of like a year. So if it's like an hour long, give it in to you in like six minute increments oh i i like that i i feel like i couldn't the first i couldn't i'd have to binge i'd have to go netflix on that like no watch watch another one next week no no the full season is available right now we're watching it like if i heather brooke blowjob scene ends and i know there's more no no we're watching god bless that woman yes she's the best we'd love her to come on the show anyway uh the girl is is allowed to look at the dick. Anyway, look at everyone's dick.

That's a lot of rant on that. That's how we do it. Every single podcast, every single voiceover always ends with, anyway, what was the question? I'm shocked that you remembered what it was. There have been times where we were screaming and yelling about being in the future and going to my grandfather's funeral or something like that.

I was like, what was the question about? Oh, yeah, no, I like oranges. Would you – I say you were at dinner and you were some kind of connected friends of sorts. And they were like, do you want to see John's dick? Would you look? And would you be mad if I looked at yours? And Chaps as well. I mean, I'm offended you're even asking any of these questions yeah i'd love to see you yeah yeah and i'd love to show you mine i'm looking at your dick i'm

looking at everyone's dick i'm looking at brett i'm looking at that fucking pecker you're i'd be embarrassed if i hadn't trimmed up though i'd be like guys let me know how'd you get that one that was a B-roll. I was asleep for this. That's why. Have you ever seen sleep dick? You ever wake up with something that's a sleep dick? And it's just like, the dick is a crazy thing, man.

Some mornings I'll wake up and it's just like, you're having a good dick day. But there's some mornings I'll wake up and I'm like, God damn, look at that dick. And then there's some mornings I'll wake up and it'll, it'll just, like, it'll even feel different. It'll feel lighter. Like, it lost weight. It fluctuates. It's mass. It's density went down.

Yeah, like, I was taking a piss. I'm like, this thing is fucking, ew. A little pathetic little dick. My dick. I've said it for so many years. Like a fucking red dragon. My dick when it's performing, totally fine. My dick off hours, pathetic. I got the worst soft dick in the world. Yeah, my dick knows when to performing, totally fine. My dick off hours, pathetic.

I got the worst soft dick in the world. My dick knows when to clock in. It's like, look, I got to grind tonight. I'm going to grind. Your dick is like you. When you save your energy for the podcast, you know how to ration it out. My dick knows how to conserve the blood. He knows when to perform and when not to.

And when he's not performing, he is off the clock. I thought we were calling Dick cheese now. It's so funny to think of your dick just like fucking like not even flexing its core, laying on the couch with a bag of chairs like, I got the day off today, motherfucker. He's inside my balls, basically. I had the worst dick day in a long time recently. I started like doing a little bit of exercise and I'll go on these... You look great, by the way. Thank you. I go on these hikes with a weighted backpack. It really helps you burn calories

and shit like that. But before I go, I put this powder down my pants. It's something about working out makes your dick smaller. It just brings it back in. Plus go anywhere else. So I'm so sweaty. I take off the bag when I get home, put it in my closet, get ready to take a shower. I pull off my

shorts and look down. I'm like, this is fucking pathetic. Like, it looks like a ghost. Like a little, tiny, toddler ghost. Have some respect for yourself, penis. Look at you. Who would suck you? No one's sucking

you. Ever again. You don't deserve it. You didn't earn it. Put your penis away. You call that a dick? You call that thing a dick? Fucking pathetic. Next up.

Hey, what's up, guys? I'm the guy who called a couple weeks ago about the ants, the ants question. But I got a little different for you today. I have kind of a am I the asshole of my own? So basically, I've been talking to this girl. I go to school. She's an exchange student. She's from Ecuador.

Smoking hot. And like way out of my league but but she's like stupid rich and we've been on three dates and i've paid for everything i'm like i'm a gentleman um and we haven't hooked up or anything like that and she just pitched me the idea of going to Saratoga this weekend and doing a paint and sip. Now, Saratoga is like 40 minutes away from where I am, so I can't even drink that much. And a paint and sip? A paint and sip feels like the most domestic thing to me. Am I the asshole for refusing to do a paint and sip until we've hooked up?

This guy's annoying. I don't like this guy. You got a problem with this? I got, I find a paint and sip until we've hooked up. This guy's annoying. I don't like this guy. You got a problem with this? I got... I find a paint and sip delightful. Sounds like an awesome time. What else are you going to do? Go to a movie, you fucking loser? Like, it really is a nice

twist. We've gone to the movies, we've gone to dinner, we've gone to bars, we've done all the dates. We're going to go paint and sip. Sounds good to me. Correct me if I'm wrong. She's a super hot Ecuadorian who's out of his league. And also wealthy. And also wealthy? You know what, bud?

Fine. You don't do it. Send me her fucking number. Which upset me, by the way, the wealthy thing, because if he's paid for every dinner, she's got to at least be offering, I hope. It has nothing to do with her independent wealthy that just happens to make it worse. But like, come on, it's 2019. At least reach for the bag.

You gotta give me that reach. I get so mad when like, even like now. You still want your girl to... At least fucking pretend. I'm gonna get it. You know I'm gonna pay for it. I know I'm gonna pay for it. But you better fucking pretend.

It's like what you were saying earlier with the parent-teacher stuff. It's just checking the box. Go for the motions. I'm going to get it, but just humor me a little. 100%. Basic decency, if you ask me. But aside from all that, I've done multiple paint-and-sips. We were going to go do it ourselves.

Forget about if I was doing a sexy, rich Ecuadorian chick. What have you painted? A beach scene and a barn. Oh, I did Starry Night and The Scream. Wow, you did real art. Yeah. Mine was like, do a circle.

But you think... You're just like, hey, you see Van Gogh? But honestly, it takes away from some of these masterpieces. Like, eh, I fucking did that. Close enough. It looks pretty good. Does it look like he's not the smartest fella?

Like, sure. He's got a longer face, but you know it's the screen. Yeah, it's close enough. Yeah. I'd like to see that picture. Okay, I'll send it to you. I have several.

I did one with a fish. I've done a lot. I love it. It's a blast. They're like legitimately really fun to do. How could you not have a good time sipping wine?

I'll tell you how. Okay. This guy's, we've got to find out this guy's age. Did he say it in there? He's just young. He's just young and stupid with the idea of wine. Wine's gay and painting is for fucking, it's all gay. Everything's gay.

I don't want to do this. I'm too tough. It's emasculating. Everything in life that is enjoyable as an event to do, I called gay at 22. 100%. Everything that I like to do. Apple picking, gay. That's still pretty gay. Cooking class, gay.

Sign me up for both. Yeah. The thing is, because back then, at that point, those activities I do think are not the best, the most fun. And at that point in your life when you're 22, you're still just fastball, fastball, fastball, fastball. Just like party, sex, drugs, party, sex, drugs, bar, bar, bar, drinking, drinking, cake party. And then when you've done that like literally

thousands of times, eventually it's like, I think I'm gonna paint while I do this. I think I'm gonna go outside and walk around while I do this. All that shit. It's just like a nice little wrinkle on it. Yeah. I can't recommend it highly enough. I can't recommend like Jeff said,

if I disliked it when I was 20, I bet it's the coolest thing in the world. I bet it's awesome. And here's the thing, too. I didn't actively, I may have said I disliked it, but in my head, I already knew. You were like, call me. In my head, I knew I was going to be something I liked.

Although, I guess I probably didn't do it that often. I always say, like, I was on a fifth grade bus getting in fights because people were like, Instinct's gay. And i was like bitch bye bye bye it was like i i've one time progressive i literally got in a fight being like dude i was like you know n-sync is awesome why are you pretending otherwise and everyone you really can't like argue that n-sync sucks like you just can't do it it was it was gay like n-s. It was gay to like NSYNC. It was gay to like boy bands. Oh, yeah.

Big gay. Super gay. I was not accepting of that. Somebody was chirping me the other day and said, he said, like, 2010 version of you would hate 2019 version. It's like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's called, like, growth.

It's called, like, yeah, I changed in all, and 2019 hates 2010 version of me. Like, that's just called getting better at life. If you're, if you as a young person would like you now, you have not done much but sharing. No. Could you imagine if preacher chaps met me? Yeah. Lordy B.

Only thing you guys would have in common is pooping. That's it. Not even before. I was a solid school guy then. I'd be different. Different through and through. And same thing. I think Marine Me would hate me now.

Like, you fat piece of shit. Bro, like, yesterday hates me now. Now you got a beard, though. Yeah. Pretty good. Pretty good. You used to be a Braves fan, man. What the fuck?

Yeah. If I saw myself in the Astros, I'd be like, what kind of fucking sick prank is this? And they're in the American League? This is fucked up. KFC, fight, BC, what up? So I've been hooking up with this chick for a couple months. And Sunday night, she stayed the night. Then Monday night, I was having another girl over.

And I got really high beforehand, and I was thinking about if I needed to change my sheets or not, because I was wondering, can girls smell other girls, just like dogs smell other dogs? Viva. Can girls smell other girls? I think girls can smell other humans, I imagine. I bet girls with noses, I bet everybody with noses can smell. Can you smell stank pussy on these sheets?

Depends if Nikki Glaser was just here. By the way, by the by. She sticks sheets. So she told a tale about when she would be blacked out and having crazy sex, and she's like, you know, afterwards I don't want to be sloshing around down there. You're wet, there's fluids.

So she would take a sheet and tuck it in and like sometimes would like fall asleep with it tucked in like a rag and she was like she described it as like a biori strip afterwards you'd like peel it off that it was a stalagmite of pussy she went real in on that and she and i'm gonna have to follow up with her because she was like every girl did it i have not found a single one i haven't asked anything now i i what i do think i think you know maybe that there's a uncomfortable feeling like the sloshing around but i don't think many of them took the step to put the put the sheet in their pussy i do think that's one of the grossest things that ladies do whenever you're in like a solid relationship is have to go piss out the cum that's just disgusting and that's something

they don't talk about on movies everybody just acts like you put your jeans back on that's not what happens we've had that discussion before you come in there in the movies and it's like

it just gets sucked up into the walls and it's gone I feel like they like hop out of bed too and it's like I feel like

they go like like they try to suck it in like you close it off they always say it too they always say it, too. They always say it so matter-of-factly. Honestly, they say it exactly how you say it. I got to go pee at your comp.

I'm like, all right. Come on. A little bit of class here. Honestly, how nice would it be if you had beside your bed, instead of having a nice little candle or something like that, you just had a bowl full of wine corks. You're like, I understand the bathroom here. You've got to go down the hall.

I know that's kind of a long walk, and I don't want you to have to drip it into your hand. Here's a wine cork. Just plug that shit up. Yeah. See you in the morning. God damn. What was the question?

I don't know. Let's smell each other. Oh, yeah. This is actually why I want to talk about this because I have a real problem here with this God damn. What was the question? I don't know. Let's smell each other. Can girls smell each other? This is actually why I want to talk about this. I have a real problem here with this. I have no sense of smell whatsoever. I have never been able to relate to people like that. I'm very good at predicting behaviors.

But not when it comes to smell. Because I've never really smelled things. If I came into work hungover, I wouldn't think to put on a phone. I've never smelled someone and been like, oh, you smell like a booze bag right now. It's never happened to me, so I don't think to put on clothes. Sometimes I might just be, been out last night,

I just come and show it up like that. I wouldn't think to change my sheets if it were a girl because I'd be like, I've never smelled a person on sheets. Oh, I definitely think they know. They know. They would know. They know. They would know. They could smell. They could sense it.

They'd, like, see it. Oh, there'd absolutely be something that they would find something that you did not even know. It would be, you know, a strand of hair. It would be, like, some bronzer or makeup or some, like, glitter or a fake eyelash. There's something that a girl is going to leave behind. I had that happen to me once in college where it was like, the girlfriend was like, why is this blonde hair on your bed? And I was like, I literally have no idea.

I have not cheated. I don't know. But you're absolutely right. There is a blonde hair, and you do not have blonde hair. A female length blonde hair. You do not have blonde hair. I don't know where the fuck it came from.

Join a washer and dryer. Easy. Yeah, I was going to say, were you sending out your laundry? I especially we know how that you got a you got a chick who's trying to sabotage you now still to this day yeah that chick's gonna throw like a vibrator in there when my laundry lady is a laundry lady she's crazy she's like she'll throw on a random set of panties those random panties all the time and then oh and then listen to this i was this one time my girlfriend was here and we're going to pick up my laundry on Friday morning.

I think we're going into New Orleans or something. And I had to get my laundry to leave. And I walk in and she's like, hi, John. And she's very gregarious. She's very outgoing. And she goes, and you must be Caitlin. I have never said the name Caitlin to her ever in my entire life. I don't think I've ever even mentioned I had a girlfriend yeah you gotta fire her

I was just like and it was one of those things too where I had to like afterwards I had to like address it and I had to be angry about it I couldn't be too angry because that looks as if it was a real fucking debate I was having in my head for a while I was like what the fuck was Cece doing there

why would she say Caitlyn? I've never known a Caitlyn. Ever. Sabotaged. Yeah, I don't know what to do there. But she's probably not believing that. No, no, no. It was all fine, but it was just stressful.

But there'd be girls who wouldn't. There'd be girls who would maybe be like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, but in the back of their head, they'd be like, alright, I'm going to go search his Instagram for Caitlyn right now and see what's happening. And'd be girls who would maybe be like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. But in the back of their head, they'd be like, all right, I'm going to go search his Instagram for Caitlyn right now and see what's happening. And let me tell you, if that would happen,

there would be a whole other fucking story that we could think of. You just got to hope every Caitlyn on your Instagram is super terribly outgoggly. It's like, oh, it's definitely not these bitches. Last Voice of the Day is brought to you by Movement. Go to MVMT.com slash KFC. You get 15% off.

They've got the glasses, both sunglasses and get 15 off they've got the glasses both sunglasses and spectacles they've got the watches they've got all the different uh materials colors when it comes to frames and lenses and faces of the watches bands of the watches everything you need to look good look stylish and not burn a hole in your wallet keep that extra money in your back pocket and go out there are you i mean you're a glasses guy you've always had glasses are you uh feeling at all like your style and culture is being appropriated by the amount of people walking around with fake glasses i also do love the movement thing because it's allowed me to re-stunt on people i think that

so many people wear like apple watches and shit like that now that that's become a cliche poor person. So whenever you walk in now, if you walk in with a gold watch on, people are like, oh shit. Because back in the day, everybody had a gold watch, so it didn't really do anything. Society has gone so far digital that if you go back, they're like, he's not even that fucking dialed in.

That's sexy as fuck. That old school look. It goes a long way. The other day I turned around and I saw Trent and he has glasses, but then I saw Casey, I saw Ellie, I saw the dog, Nate Dog, and I saw, I think, Riggs all wearing movement glasses. Like, just regular, not the sunglasses.

Everybody's doing it. It's like a hat now. It's like, you know, it's just like part of your style. It's like a beard. My beard covers 40% of my style. It's like a beard. Where, like, if you... Changes your look. Like, my beard covers 40% of my face. If I throw on glasses, that's another 10%. People are like, you look great today.

I'm like, yeah, because you only see 50% of me. I'm hiding half my face. If I fucking got rid of all this shit, you'd be like, whoa. If I just came out naked today, you'd have a fucking problem. Yeah. That's the beauty of the glasses, both sunglasses and the spectacles, and the watches. Just basically distract people from your actual look. Yeah.

Don't look at my face. Look at my watch. Yeah, check this out. Don't look at, like, I'm fat. Look at my glasses. Like, whatever. Go to MVMT.com slash KFC. Get 15% off, plus free shipping and free returns.

Join the movement today. Hey, KFC. Fight Super the Day PC. What's happening? I'm calling because I recently made a big move and got a new apartment with a much bigger closet. And I've decided since because it's so much easier to make it quiet and dark in here that I'm going to put my bed in here and sleep in here. And then I'll have all that extra room in my bedroom to put better stuff like a couch and a coffee table and a real living space that isn't a living room. So my question to you guys is do you think that I can do this and still manage

to bring girls back? I'm currently super single and we're going to change that pretty soon. I'm hoping this isn't going to put a roadblock in front of me. Let me know what you think. I'm going to start off by saying this makes perfect sense. It makes zero sense. Get some fucking curtains, guy. It's dark

and it's quiet. I slept at the Super Bowl. I was going to bring that up. I slept at the Super Bowl this year in Atlanta. I slept in Kevin's closet. But they were huge walk-in closets. It was a massive closet. And that's the difference here. this year in atlanta i i slept in kevin's closet because i just had but they were huge walking closet it was a massive yeah and that's the difference here i mean if this guy is in some sort of like massive home where the closets are like the size of what a new york city bedroom

would look like i guess there's no difference if you are very clearly in what is appears to be an actual closet people are going to question it like crazy i don't think people would have questioned no yours no my the room i had there so if he's got yeah he's got a room like that had like it had steps up to the closet you have to go up two steps and open a door it looked like a little like loft area but if this is like if you fit a bed in it it's a big fucking closet but if it's like just a bed and you can't like maneuver at all yeah he would be like you brought me into a dungeon like some sort of dobby bro yeah yeah you live under the stairs yeah uh and now you know sure especially if you're splitting an apartment and the common rooms aren't really like all that comfortable or nice and you could have your own basically living space i mean this sounds like stepbrothers it's like let's have

bunk beds for more activities i couldn't believe he didn't drop that reference i think that was the whole reason he was doing this. Just to say no lie. He's like, no, he's like, I just want a fucking couch. It all makes sense, but I do think that any girl worth her weight is going to be like, you know what's going to happen? We're going to get a call from next week. So I went home with this guy, and we fucked in his closet. Is that normal?

He had a nice living space with plenty of room for activities. But not too many chaircloths is just fucking weird. That's just a weird thing. I get it, though. Sometimes I'll sleep in my living room because it's quieter. My bedroom's, like, right on the street. And I don't have blinds. I don't have curtains. It's also an animal.

How do you deal with that? Do you, like, wear the eyeglass things? I mean, John could sleep in the middle of traffic. Yeah, no, I just sleep. I just go to bed. He's like Jason Bourne. I feel sad. I am one of the middle of traffic. I just sleep. He's like Jason Bourne. I am one of the best sleepers

in the history of the world. It's crazy. It's a coma. They say that snoring is basically bragging about how good you are at sleep. You are cocky. I remember when we went to Rhode Island, you were sleeping

on the floor. I was like, oh, my God, I'm like three floors away and I can hear him. Yeah, especially if he's drunk. If you're passed out, not sleeping, watch out. I pass out every night. Yeah, it's pretty much you don't ever go to sleep. You go to pass out. It's not always because of alcohol, but every night my battery dies.

It's not like I don't get in bed and I'm like, oh, what a productive day. It's time to go to sleep now for a healthy eight hours. It's just like – Like a sniper gun, like a tranquilizer. I ran out of life to live today. That's how I fall asleep. Every time John goes to sleep at night, he dies a little. It's like, what happened?

Just like a 0.01% death. That's a good way to look at life. Your life is really like a lithium battery. It only gets full charged the one time, and then every other time you recharge at night, it's a little less. It's a half charge, yeah. And eventually it just dies completely.

That's a really good, nice way to think of it. Eventually it's just going to be a fucking broken battery. Throw it out in the trash. All right. That's it for Chapsy. Let's get into it with Kirk Minahan here. We're talking Ellen, George Bush, and Minahan just being the asshole that he is.

It's brought to you by Dollar Shave Club. They've been with us since day one, and I love them. I love them because it's easy, it's convenient, it's affordable, and they've supported us for a long time. Can I give you a recommendation? Sure. Blue 202. Blue 202.

It's their cologne set. Okay. Whenever I wear... Do you remember a couple times ago i came up and everybody was nutting themselves how good i smelled yeah that was that was blue 202 and 201 yeah so you can do the shave starter set keep that beard nice and trim you could do the dental kit and brush them them choppers keep them nice and white and then you do the blue 202 cologne and i mean it's just, better break out the mops

because there's just going to be wet floors everywhere. Wet floors. Get out those yellow triangle things. Just drop them down. Caution, wet floor. You're going to have to shove your seats in there. Put the corks in. Put the corks in because Chaps is walking around with cologne on, baby.

Caution, Chapsy blue 202 is here. Get it all at dollarshaveclub.com slash KFC. All the starter sets are just $5. So you can do the executive razor with the shave butter, the prep scrub, and the post-shave do for $5. You can do the dental kit, which is the toothpaste, then the toothbrushes, along with the floss, all that stuff for $5.

Or you can do the ultimate starter set, all just $5, at dollarshaveclub.com slash KFC. Dollarshaveclub.com slash KFC. Dollarshaveclub.com slash KFC. Kirk Minahan, what up? All right, Kirk Minahan's here. Yeah. You look like you were in pain. What do you want me to do?

I did his show for a little bit. Yeah, Feidelberg never does my show. You didn't ask me to do anything. That's true. That's probably why. Like you, I don't turn stuff down. If you ask me to do it, come on. I'm not going to have you go on a show you don't like.

What do you mean? I don't dislike your show, Kirk. Yeah, but Kevin's obsessed with it. Kevin is obsessed. So, I mean, that's so. Kevin loves talk. Like, you're, I mean, it's talk radio. Kevin loves talk radio.

But I'll hear you on, when you're on CCK or whatever. Like, he'll bring up a segment from my show, and you literally, I can tell you want to be like, I don't give a fuck. No, that is not true. That's not even a criticism. I'm just saying What segment? Well, give me an example when this happened.

He's fucking obsessed with the show. He'll just bring it up like totally inorganic during the show. You're talking about something good and he's like, yeah, it's kind of like the Minahan show. I was telling him the other day, like, not the other day, just on this recording we did. I don't listen to his show anymore because of his fans. I hate his fans so much. Which is a lie. He's legitimately, there's a term Minahan. I don't listen to his show anymore because of his fans. I hate his fans so much. Which is a lie.

He's legitimately, there's a term minifan. I don't like it. I'm king of the mincells. I like the mincells. In our world, these people have their own Discord channel. They have their own... What the fuck is that? I don't even know. I don't know what that is,

but I will refuse to chirp the minifans, because guess what? No, fuck. You don't want that smoke. You don't want it. But not even... It's not even, like, a fear of them. It's just...

Annoyance. ...to, like, people who don't want to listen to a minifan show. That's what Barstool people are. That's what Stoolies are. Yeah, that's what I just said to you earlier. Maybe I said to... Because I had Dan on, too. I was like, you can't shit on them.

They're, like, the Stoolies. Same thing. No, but I mean, like... It's exactly the same thing. Yours are a little a little more like you have so many fake parody accounts. I think there's like some of that. We have over a thousand. Somebody counted the other day. That's me.

We have over a thousand. That's us. That is. There's some like Dave ones and stuff like that. But like, and they're fake. Barstool thing. There's like, there are a lot of fake PFT commenters. Yeah.

But you know what? I don't like those people either. The people who do that stuff. Like, yeah, but they're the people who take it. The parody accounts. I will chirp. They? I don't like those people either. The people who do that stuff, like, yeah, but they're, but the people who take it, the parody accounts, I will chirp. They put fucking food in your plate, asshole.

I mean, play along. Well, I mean, really, if I were you, I wouldn't like, I wouldn't like those fans.

I'm in fear of them. Eventually they will turn. I mean, I know how this ends. It's going to end bloody, dateline disaster. Keith Morrison with whatever the fucking title is, you know. The talk show.

And then guess what? Your downloads will be fucking through the roof. Yeah, but I'll be dead. Whatever. That's a trade-off. Your ego in the afterlife. This last day, the downloads were great. So I'm not going to have you on the show. Well, maybe I should. If you don't like it, then we can talk about it. I don't dislike it. I just don't like podcasts. I don't like talk

radio. I don't like noise. What do you listen to? Nothing. You don't listen to anything? Music. You talk about it. I don't dislike it. There's your disagreement. I just don't like podcasts. I don't like talk radio. I don't like noise. What do you listen to? Nothing. You don't listen to anything? Music. You tweet about music. He claims he doesn't like music. You tweet about it all the time.

But it's not one of those, I don't tweet about music all the time. Fairly regularly. It's not one of those black or white things where I hate music, but just a lot of the time I prefer silence. He'll jump in the car and just drive. Silence.

That's weird. I respect that. That's weird. Although you're in New York though. Yeah, so it rarely happens well but like driving like driving skiing i love driving up vermont just in silence silence yeah huh like no classical music no asmr nope nothing no maybe a little wind blow i am but that's about it yeah i like it you uh like meditate with it or go to sleep with my lady who was good she was uh like a like a food chewer.

Oh, that's the worst. Comforting. I don't mind. You know what ASMR is? No, I know what it is. Chewing. Her name was Sassy Snacks. Oh, Jesus. Was it like sexual?

No. Some of the ASMRs are sexual. Sassy Snacks sounds very sexual. Super sexual. Well, first of all, she died. All right, Pete. Downloads went up that day. Say sorry for that or no?

No. It's not your fucking parents. Actually, it was a lot more personal. So my psychiatrist at the time, who I said needs a fucking raise. I think the psychiatrist is getting a little tired of hearing about the Boston Globe. In the culture war. He's like, I get it. There's a culture war. We get it. We get it. Canceled.

We get it. So he said... What did Shirley do this? Fuck you. So my psychiatrist said – he said, find things that – think of something when you were a kid that made you comfortable, that you liked. And I liked the sound of people eating an apple. Eating an apple. Okay.

Apple. So I looked it up on YouTube and there – I was like – I forget what the – Bro, the internet has everything. It's amazing. As you always learn, you always think, oh, I'm so interesting, I'm so unique. You're never alone. Everyone has that same fucking thought that you have. There's already conventions to celebrate what you thought was your thing.

So this woman is really good at it and she wound up dying young. She fucking died. She died. She left behind a pancreatic cancer. She left behind a... What's so funny about that? I said Jesus, that's a twist. With a laugh. With a double laugh.

Like a low laugh and a high laugh. I'll be honest. I'll be honest. I find it super funny that your ASMR person died. The same thing that my mom died of? I don't find that funny. I find the ASMR... You're honestly laughing.

I'm still laughing. Cruel. But she left behind a treasure chest of sounds over the years. I will still occasionally... Oh, like an unre left behind a treasure chest of sounds over the years. I will still occasionally. Oh, like an unreleased album? Yeah. Like Prince. You got a Paisley Hall.

Oh, yeah. Like 150 unreleased tracks of me eating apples. But yeah. So what do you do at night to unwind? Well, even like at the hotel, you know, just to help me sleep. Because I can't. It's hard for me to get to sleep. So I'll do white noise at night, but I don't think.

It doesn't work for me. It doesn't work for me yeah so i need somebody to chew an apple that's i mean i i get asmr there a lot of times where like like we had abella danger in here yeah yeah and she was doing like she was doing asmr it worked it was on oh yeah it got me going but like just i don't think chewing would do it for me well fine i mean you know it teaches on yeah i'm not you know i'm not gonna p you. You ever think about going off your meds and doing content like that? Well, I did for a while, and I wound up in a mental institution. Yeah, but you ended up number one on the EI, too. Was I number one in the race?

Did I make it? It was 13.7. I was like 13.7, you idiot. That's okay. Not a 15. Not a 15, though. So he was on Big Cat, and now it's all like, oh, you have three fucking stories that you tell. Well, fuck you.

No. Feinberg's defending me more than you are. There are things I'm passionate about. I like talking about them. Yeah. What the fuck is your problem? They're just different things than you. My problem is you're fabricating your culture war.

What the fuck you have me on for, then? You're fucking somebody else on. Yeah, I don't know why we did this. I would rather be a dolphin with three tits or three tits and six dolphins. He keeps lashing out. I don't know.

What the fuck? He keeps lashing out about answering the internet. Obviously, clearly. It doesn't matter. See, this is what he does. He keeps being like, I don't want to do

these fucking stupid questions and I gave him an example and he was like, well, it depends. I didn't say that. I didn't say that. You didn't say that. He's afraid to be bad at it.

I wouldn't be good at it. They are stupid questions. Yeah, I just wouldn't be good at it. I just wouldn't be good at it. I'm trying to, i'm trying to but like we did an example and we did the blind generation and he's like stupid things are fun sometimes i don't disagree with that i'm just saying i don't think i'd be good at it like you're better than that like you're above it well you're not let me i assure you i'm exactly that you do a fucking podcast with blind mike and and serial killer steve robinson like you are not above the people hate robinson in this building do they

well first of all i I don't know. You know, you're a casual guy. But his first day, he comes in here. He's walking around. He's never been here before. He's here right now? Yeah, he's been here the last two days. He looks like a serial killer mixed with Bill Hader.

I don't think I saw you. You weren't here yesterday, were you? I was here yesterday. I didn't see you, did I? No, I didn't see you either. Anyway. Could have reached out. He's avoiding you.

He doesn't like you. We could have lunch. He's walking around with shorts on his first day here. That didn't bother me. I wouldn't wear shorts because I don't like shorts. Put on a first day here that's kind of a power move I wouldn't wear shorts because I don't like shorts put on a pair of pants we're talking about barstool sports this is old man casual

what is that? it's a golf shirt is that their logo? I would guess yes team player 90% of the people here wear sweatpants. First day you're here, though, I think it matters. Especially if you're not a talent, if you're a producer.

I don't think it matters at all. I honestly would not. I don't give a fuck what Mike or Steve wear. It matters to me. That's different. You're running the ship over there. You're running the show. You've got to do what you say, but nobody here cares.

Yeah, there are so many new people here all the time. Yeah, nobody knows who anybody is. I have not seen Steve Robinson. Nobody knows who anybody is. I have not seen Steve Robinson. You don't know that. That's true. Is Mike here too? No, I definitely haven't seen him.

What's wrong? Hang on. Do you have your text that you can see the message? Yeah. 45 years old. Yeah, you're a reasonable man. But even though, still, like, most of the texts I don't want people to see aren't from, like, girls or anything. This wasn't a bad, it was a text saying.

Oh, I'm not saying this one in particular, but just there are times my phone's down, I don't want someone to see what someone's saying. What are you hiding? Everything. Oh, I mean, I'm constantly lying to, like, everybody at all times. That's true, it's a lot of work. But the, no, but that to everybody at all times. That's true. It's a lot of work.

No, but that was from my producer saying that Latham wants me or he's going to cancel that thing we talked about. It's Kirk or bust. I'm the chef thing. Are you a cooker? No. No, no, no. I'm a man. Christ sakes.

The wife does that. Don't you think it's so funny that Kirk has a wife and kids? Like, he has kids? Like, he goes home and plays with the kids? Two. Two? Yeah. I mean, I bet Kirk's a good dad. I'm a great dad. Yeah. I'm not saying you're a bad dad. kids like like his kids like he goes home and plays with kids too too yeah i mean is it really

i bet kirk's a good dad i'm a great dad yeah i'm not i'm not saying you're a bad dad i'm just saying like couldn't you see like his his kids like being doing some like weird quirky kid thing and being like fucking i fucking know it's all different you know that it's all different yeah but like on the inside you hate it certain things no no i have to say i really don't i so i i have i am an overly you'd be surprised and overly uh affectionate like i tell to the point where my kids like we get it dad you know because my dad was not with me it was okay dad we get it you love us you're proud of us fine fuck off it's almost that and my daughter's now 12 so she doesn't like she's like she's in fucking middle

school she doesn't care anymore yeah like she's an adult now you don't even you don't even she's gone like it doesn't matter she with her friends all weekend, and then she comes back Sunday night. Like, that's the way the kid, and then you get mad, and you're like, that's what I was like in middle school. What do you expect? You'll learn. These things happen. You'll learn soon. I don't think so. Pay attention. We all know he has a kid who he abandoned.

12 years old. Wandering around Massachusetts. I mean, there's a possibility, sure. Wouldn't that be fucked up? Well, how would you react to that? Door knocks right there. Boom. Little Johnny Feidelberg Jr., 12 years old. Like, how do you possibility, sure. Wouldn't that be fucked up? Well, how would you react to that? Door knocks right there. Boom. Little Johnny Feidelberg Jr., 12 years old. Like, how do you handle it? What do you do? I wish you told me this when you were pregnant.

Yeah. Take care of it. I'm talking about. Wish this guy didn't exist. I think once you're in the, I don't know what trimester that would be. I don't like that. The 40-second trimester is tough to come back. No, I would, if that were to happen,

I would be responsible in the sense that I would take care of him. I would not be happy. No. No. He would be active if he's like this. See, I think you would be a good dad. I don't think I would be. I think you'd be surprised.

You'll be a good dad to your kid that you plan and want. If a kid just showed up right now yeah so it's honestly no my biggest concern is my biggest fear is i'd shake the fuck out of a kid what i'd shake baby like i gotta tell you so i i it's so my daughter was great like first two months old exactly except through the night for the first time never an issue again we take naps great harry my son is a fucking nightmare so i remember it was just him and i one time no one else was around and he would not go to sleep and i was like i was careful i was fine but i was like because i was whatever 37 but i remember thinking if i was a

fucking 17 year old this was my kid yeah i don't know i would kill no i know i would kill the kid yeah i would have fucking dumped him in the river and went like i mean because you shouldn't have a kid at that age i would chop this fucking head off yo we had you know rude jude yes so he had a kid when he was like 17 18 and he said he was he would take uh his daughter who was like one years old to like the club in detroit like stroller you don't know at that age man i when i always see like the stories about like the mom who drives the minivan into the river with the car full of kids. I'm like, I get it. I'm not going to do it, but I get it. The woman Susan Smith did it years ago in South Carolina.

And I remember parents at that being like, oh, yeah, I would never do it. But yes, I recognize the thought. The frustration. I think all the freedom you'd have. As long as you get away with it. Casey Anthony. She's living the dream. She's got the life.

If it was just crying one night and I was tired. Yeah, you'd be bad at that. I have the longest'm like Casey Anthony. She's living the dream. She's got the life. If it was just like crying one night and like I was tired. Yeah, you'd be bad at that. Jacob, I have the longest fuse in the world. But you're older. How old are you now? I'm 31.

You'd be all right. You'd be surprised. You'd be okay. Well, here's the thing. Nobody's ever ready. Just get set for content. It's not like I,

you know, I hit 30 and I was like, okay, now I know how to be a father and I'm ready for this. It was just like, there we fucking go. Yeah, that's going to happen. No, he's I was like, okay, now I know how to be a father and I'm ready for this. It was just like, there we fucking go. That was going to happen.

He's convinced that no woman will ever convince him to do anything. I'm not going to propose if I don't want to propose. I'm not going to have kids if I don't want to have kids. It's going to be different for him, right? This is the most obvious thing in the history of the world. What is? You can't convince me to do that stuff. Why is that the most obvious thing in the history of the world?

Because it's a humongous investment. I'm not investing 20 years and millions of dollars into something I don't want. I'm not saying I will not do it. I'm just saying if I don't want to do it, I won't do it. And so you just think that you are the one. You are the one who's different from all the other 4 billion men on the planet.

You'll change your mind. And you're going to want to have kids I believe that I'm saying definitively forever I will not want that I'm glad you're not playing on the record my current state of mind is I will not have children maybe in 5 years it changes maybe in 2 months it changes

I'm not going to go cut my dick off that's when your girl starts nagging you that's when it'll change to change. What's that? When your girl starts nagging you. That's when it'll change. I think so far we're good. I think I'm... Oh, yeah. Okay.

How long has this been? Why are you pausing? Because it's one to three years. He explains his relationship to time like a prison sentence. One to three. It's not a prison sentence. They've been hanging out for three. They've been official for one.

It's somewhere in between there. i always ask like what would she say right you know she would probably say and i two plus i bet you know she would say one yeah oh yeah then you should i think she would be like yeah it's probably one to three but yeah it's one to three i love it uh the the reason i wanted to have you in here was this ellen degenerate shit uh she goes to the packers cowCowboys game in Dallas in the suite with George W. And the gays and the liberals are not happy. Of course not. You know, a Hollywood elite.

But keep in mind, of course, I apologize. I may interrupt. It's not my style. But they're not actually offended. I mean, let's be very clear about this. They want to tweet about something. Actually, I bet this one they're a little upset about. Definitely not.

Nobody's offended by anything. Can we cut the shit? I mean, nobody. We talked about this earlier. When are you offended? Oh, I've never been. I mean, it's impossible. Right.

I mean, I just talked about it. I think it's impossible to offend guys in general. To be offended? I think most normal guys it's impossible to offend. I think most normal people. I think guys are a little more prone to like, I don't know. I just, I don't, you know. I think guys are a little more prone to like, like I don't think. Well, yeah, I mean, I don't, I don't assign gender. So we're different, but I mean, sure, maybe.

But, but I don't, but like I saw that and I said, here we go. Like everyone's going to get worked up and this is easy to do this and da, da, da. Now I will say this. I said this before. I don't, I mean, I know this is a pretty political podcast. So I'll jump in for a moment. George Bush, if you want to be this kind of person a much worse president than donald trump in this country led us to a bullshit war

all that stuff by the way way more anti-gay than donald trump don't give a fuck i mean you can say whatever you want fuck who you want he doesn't give he fuck you know i'm she's probably fucked the guy at some point who knows i don't know who the hell knows one night new york doesn't even matter but you know all i can't believe she's doing this she's sitting in in a fucking football game eating popcorn, and the guy is fucking next to her. Like, what is she supposed to say to him? Like, how fucking dare you, sir? 14 years ago, you didn't do this. I'm fucking leaving.

Or should she say, hey, you know what? People change. Just have a good time at a fucking football game. Yeah. The only thing I think, though. What do they want her to do? Leave? Yeah.

Like, put the popcorn over his head spit on Laura Bush I don't really know too much about Ellen but like I feel like she also would be the first person out there to like lead a charge of like no she just does like she's corporate she's

because of all this you see the tweets today about people being like she's horrible she's like Oprah. You see the tweets today about people being like, she's horrible. She's like a monster to work with. Oh, no. So that is a famous story. So our show had an issue with that one, my old show. EI in Boston, where we were number one.

13-7. 13-7. I'll go book by book if you want. And since I left, if you'd like. But we had this kid, Sam Thomas, a sweet kid who was really, really sick. And the Jimmy Fund flew him out there to meet Ellen. And she fucking blew him off. This kid was dying.

And so we got called. By the way, was that like his dying wish? Yeah. I understand. But listen. Aim higher, kid. But here's the thing. I mean, Ellen's as high as you get.

I don't care for her, but she's huge. But he was in chemo all day. He was in chemo all day. He was in chemo all day with his mom, and he and his mom would watch Ellen together. Yeah, I've got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a story to it. I'm saying I may be getting his last name wrong if I'm an asshole, if I am. Anyway.

Kidding. You're an asshole, period, but true. So that day, we got the usual horror stories. People would send us links on Twitter where she is like one of these people who's literally like, don't look at me. But that almost makes sense in a way. I always think that's almost like fake. It's like on set, like you're not looking in the eye. What level of fame

is that where you decide that's it? But also, yeah, couldn't you see like, I mean, she's got to be worth like a billion dollars, right? Or like several hundred million. Oh, easily. If you tell me that someone worth that amount of money with her level of success is like an asshole. Yeah, but you can't just say, but you can't just say how you're doing.

That's really fucked up. The tweet I saw was like the first two things that happen when you move to LA are like you get an apartment in this side of town, whatever, and you hear a horror story about how LA is a shitty city. One of her writers who got fired, so they're bitter, had this long blog post

and they sent it to us. The usual nightmare stories like don't look at her don't talk to her crazy Cam was like now that I'm not in LA anymore I'm not afraid to say it like yeah she's horrible

that's crazy to me it's just like it's such a just like being so fake all the time must be so exhausting exhausting

if you're like a nice person dances and she's goofy even so that I want to be a dickhead some days I'm just going to be a dickhead on my show

today because I fucking feel like it or just be real at least and when she did that response video and it had like all these little

like jokes in there that was that response video was terrible that was really hard and I guess she was a stand up comedian right

she was like a real I actually heard her new she has a new Netflix I heard it was pretty good and I'm sure

in her day she was probably maybe a little more pushing the envelope and trying to be really funny that to me I actually heard her new, her new, she has a new Netflix. I heard it was pretty good. Yeah. And I'm sure like in her day, you know, she was probably maybe a little more like pushing the envelope and like trying to be really funny. That to me, like if you have any sort of like comedic pride, I feel like I wouldn't have read that. I wouldn't have done that. But she's serving middle America,

crap, shit, slop. Yeah. You know, for her, it's like, you know,

I'm actually surprised that like there wasn't a, for all, for every one fan of hers, that's like, you know, progressive and out and liberal. Yeah. I'm surprised there weren't people for all for every one fan of hers that's like you know progressive and out and liberal yeah i'm surprised there weren't people who were like middle america being like we love this it's george w and ellen together but this is what today is what's today tuesday so the story's gone by one thursday it's just then what's next like what's next what's next what's the culture war though it never stops but you have these and you have these podcasts and

all they talk about is culture wars and it's like just lay off have some fucking fun guys i mean just take the tie off let's really calm just lay off. Have some fucking fun, guys. I mean, just take the tie off. Just really calm the fuck down. Let's have some fucking laughs. What do we do? It could be worse. What is your main point? I don't care about any of this bullshit.

What is your main point? What don't you like about my show? I don't care about anything. I don't fucking care about Alan George Bush. Let's get the headphones on. We've got a voicemail from Bob Murchison here, if you want to listen. Wouldn't that be great? That's what I really want to do, is have Bob Murchison on the show.

I've told you about him, right? Yeah. Who's he? He was your partner at EI. Okay. I apologize. No, I envy people with passion. I think that's awesome.

I don't dislike your show. Thank you, John. I don't like this narrative that I dislike your show. Well, I've been told that. I've just never listened to your show. By people. Yeah, but you were in this room. Like on Twitter.

I almost said twitter no i have always told you exactly the truth that he doesn't like the like controversial like when you're screaming and yelling and fighting that's the show so he's just so i just don't like i don't i don't i don't care to listen to people yell at each other that's okay and i listen i subscribe and i listen to your podcast i subscribe to your podcast do you listen to our show i don't listen to any podcast or like yeah hey kate yeah i always the way i listen to any podcast. Occasionally? Or like, yeah. Hey, Kate, yeah. Like the way I listen to your show. No, no, definitely not. I know.

I would say, I don't stop conversations in the middle and be like, hey, did you guys hear KFC? It's fucking unbelievable. This clearly happened one time. So explain what the one time was. Wait, it happened one time? What's that? I don't know.

He's clearly referencing something. He played Sound of It one time on the show, and you were talking about it, and you were making a good point, because you're talking about me, so I was into it. But he was in that day, because God forbid all three of you were on your fucking radio show any of the same day. It's an optional radio show. Who's going to be in today? Feidelberg was like, he basically was like, in a nice way, he was like, I don't care, anything else. But they're just...

I understand. I've done this. Sometimes I don't want to talk about stuff I don't care about. I'm not saying I'm being rational about it. I'm just telling you where I'm coming from. I've never claimed to be rational about this. Don't forget, this guy I had on before anybody at Barstool. You're berating him.

We had a good time. I told Kirk afterwards, I was really scared about this. I thought you were... Kirk, you're known as the mean guy. Mean? Am I mean to you, you're known as like the mean guy. Mean. Am I mean to you? No, no, no. You're a mean old man. It was... With everybody in this room, I think,

except for the gentleman with the... That's Nick. I don't think I've met Nick before. Nick's a good dude. How's it going? He's better than you. He's above you. I don't question that. Who in the air would say I just want him to be like, fuck this guy down. Fuck Nick. Fuck him. Fuck like, fuck this guy. Fuck Nick. Fuck him. Fuck you, you fuckhead.

Fuck Nick. He looks like a pedophile. It's fine. There you go. It's fine. You're one to talk. There's no reason to do this. It's not an interactive experience, Nick.

Fuck up. And now you have a new enemy. Fuck Steve Chay. Fuck Nick. I like Nick. But I just go, you know, whichever way the wind blows, I follow. Yeah, it's just apparently.

What am I going to do? It's always blowing. You know where the wind's blowing? Miami, Florida. It is not blowing in Miami, Florida at all. Kirk Seamus and Dan were putting the press on to get Minahan down to Miami. Not necessary. Why not?

Because what the fuck? Why would I go down there? What am I going to add to that experience for anybody? I don't want to be there. Let me tell you something. I don't like. You don't think the culture war is going to be going on in Miami? Oh, it'll be going on. It'll I going to add to that experience for anybody? I don't want to be there. Let me tell you something. You don't think the culture war is going to be going on in Miami? Oh, it'll be going on. It'll be going on for Massachusetts. We'll be leading the fucking charge.

We'll have our food. We'll have our supplies. We'll have our gold. You never know what's going to happen. You never know what's going to happen. When I was at FSU, kids from Miami used to have bumper stickers on the back of their car that said the last American who leaves Miami, turn out the light and bring the flag. Amen.

Amen. Plus one. Speaking of culture wars. They were awful people. Who's locked, no doubt, going? At this point. You're going. You guys are going.

I mean, KS Radio, Bar My Take. Right. And like Barstool Radio are probably the only ones I can guarantee. Good. So why so what the fuck? Why would I be there? Because you're a fun guy. We could go out, we could tear up a fucking deal. We could see a club.

I have no desire. Collins Ave. I have no desire. Or maybe a fedora hat, linen pants, a white button-up. All set. Good. All set. Yeah, Dan's obsessed with it.

Yeah, Dan really wants to do it. What the fuck am I going to do? Dan was playing nice with Kirk, and then I came in, and then all of a sudden he switched and we bullied him. He was a fucking suck. It was like, it was my dream. It was like, he was like Brandy Love. He was fucking shaft, like the whole fucking thing.

Asshole everything. And then like, fucking Kevin comes in, and he's like, oh, we're going to talk. Dan's like, oh, you're talking about Murchison now? I'm like, oh, what happened? Wait a minute. What's going on? You're getting bullied around. Yeah.

Did you get bullied when you were a kid? Or were you the bully? I kind of got bullied a bit. You look like it, but I also used to be a lunatic. He might have been the bully. No, I was pretty. Did you like microwave cats or anything weird like that? I did, yeah.

I did a few times, yeah. You know what I said? Was that unusual? I said on his show. I microwaved my cell phone once. That was the most I did. Yeah, just like sparks fly on. I microwave.

You do that with a CD? I know that was CD-ROM. Put a CD-ROM in there. Boom. I said if Kirk, thank God he's his age, because if he was younger, he'd be a school shooter. I could see that.

Yeah. That makes sense. If Kirk was a 14-year-old, 15-year-old boy right now, well, I don't know. I'm not a gun guy, though.

That's the only thing. I'm not a big conspiracy. I'm not a big message board guy. No, it's nothing political. I just don't like guns. It just makes me uncomfortable. I've never been around them. I've always said I'm not a gun guy.

I wasn't raised in my... I have bad days and I don't need... I've never been a gun guy and I hadn't fired them. People are like, have you ever fired one though? And then I went to the gun range and I did it on a bachelor party and I was like, I don't ever have to do this again.

It was easy. Not easy, it was just like, I don't ever have to do this again. It was easy. Not easy. It was just like, I'm not in love with it now or I want to go buy one. I was like, all right, that was sexual for these people. It's a fetish. I remember I talked to some guy and he's like, yeah, I have like 70 guns. I'm like, what? Why?

He's like, I just like to look at them. I'm like, you're a fucking psychopath. Yeah, that's crazy. But yeah, I don't plan on, I don't think I would have done that. And I was not bullied. I was lucky. The schools I went to, especially the high school, all the guys got along like You were rich, right? Yeah, I was comfortable. Boy, he was telling me his salary at EI

He's rich now. Big money. Number one bonus. Not want to make it now. So I asked him what he thought when Big Cat was there. I was like, what do you think Big Cat makes? He's mad that I wouldn't say my guess. He just fucking turtled. I mean, yes, I'm not going to talk about Dan's salary.

Then they're both speculating what I make here. Like, freely. They're just like, yeah, I don't know. $300,000? $500,000? $600,000? Why are you doing that with me? You won't do it with him. I mean, you're different. You're a nobody. Everybody knows that Dan makes $75,000 per episode. So you do the math. Three episodes a week, 52 weeks a year, like, done. There's the number. Jesus. I'm So you do the math. Three episodes a week, 52 weeks a year, like done. There's the

number. Jesus. I'm trying to do the math. I think we all should talk about salaries. I'm just not going to be the first and only one to do it. I'll do it. Alright, go ahead. How much do you make? I thought you were talking about Dan. That's how much I make. You're fucking turtled. Not as much as I made before, but I make a nice, comfortable

I have no complaints. Unfortunately, have you asked me this. Do you think you make more than me? I don't know. I know. Do you think? It's a fucking guess, dude. I hope so. I hope I make more than anybody. Yeah, I don't know. I know I make more than Feilberg. That's a cop-out answer. Definitely.

You told me 45 grand. Over three years. My last contract negotiation, it was like, what's the least you'd work for? I said, I don't know. Probably about half of what I make now. Worst negotiator on the fucking planet. You'll never get fired.

If you cut my salary in half, I'd be fucking pissed, but I'd show up to work. Long negotiation. Yeah, it was quick. So speaking of that, your team are all like employees of arsenal sports now it's all full-time operation mike are yeah yeah mike and steve steve always was paid or yeah day yeah day one yeah yeah he fucking he's he's the quiet one who made way more money than he should yeah way fucking more like that was if i could do it over again i'd fire his fucking ass and bring in some dummy for like whatever shit that over there for a

fucking fifth of the price now we have to move to massachusetts to have to register as a sex offender in a whole new state which is cumbersome but once he got through that process he could then produce the show i don't get why people don't like me but no i i yes i i i we just before when you're looking before it was in do you think that like uh you can just do a show with anybody nowhere yeah bail me out yeah i was like what like uh just listen last 30 seconds no could you yeah like uh you get along with mike and steve but like okay was that your first option was that like i'll just do this like with anybody i know how to do this so it doesn't matter who my

i know i wanted somebody around who would just like essentially agree with you at all times like laughter is important you know so i wanted somebody who had a good sense of humor, understood what I like to do. And did you know him beforehand, Mike? A little bit. He was kind of a semi-stalker. He was very into me and barstools. For him, it's perfect.

And he's good. And I'm at the point where I don't want to have these massive political arguments about the Ukraine. I'm just not there. And I don't want to talk about sports. So we just bullshit and then find the story of the day and just fucking scream about it and play bad sound and get the fuck out not there. And I don't want to talk about sports. Right. So, you know, we just bullshit and then find the story of the day and just fucking scream about it and play bad sound and get the fuck out of there. Respect it. Seems like it's

going alright. I don't know. We just met with Erica. She seemed really happy. Are you showing everyone's salary? Yeah. Are you doing something with Jerry? I don't know yet. I want to. We talked about that too. I listened to that one episode. Oh yeah, he just listened to that one. I missed that one. I like him. I like that he just doesn't give a fuck about you. He's like,. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He just listened to that one. I missed that one. I like him.

I like that he just doesn't give a fuck about you. He's like, shut the fuck up, Kirk. That's right. He was my partner at DEI. He was in sixth place before I got there. What happened? And I left, and they were in fifth place. So he's really, really, somebody brings in the listeners. And why'd you leave?

That's a long story. I don't want to get into it. What we're talking about doing is maybe once a week, but we talked about this before, is maybe serious as well well because Dave's talking about reshuffling Lamp but you said stay the fuck away from Sirius I wouldn't do Sirius now it's below me I've always said when we do radio

the response I get on like Twitter and Instagram and stuff like that is like we'll do two hours of radio and maybe get a tweet about it the podcast is all day once it of radio and maybe a tweet about it. Right. The podcast, it's all day. Once it releases, you're just constantly talking about it. So like, and it's probably a bad way to judge it.

No, I think it's a reasonable, I think it's a reasonable, yeah, in terms of buzz. If I had to like put my heart into one thing, I would definitely do podcasts. For sure. Yeah. Did you put your heart into this? Yeah. Kinda. Well, I mean like.

Yeah. I put my heart. As much as of you're gonna put your heart into something yeah this is it yeah have you put my heart into it yeah definitely okay fine yeah i'm working two and a half three hours a day myself yeah yeah you know what he takes naps every day it's awesome he's like 45 years old what do you want me to do that's ridiculous i guess it's 445 yeah that's also self-inflicted. When you were highly paid at EEI, you weren't paid enough.

When the Matt Lauer shit went down, I said I would not take his job. I think it came out like he was... 25 million or something? I think it was like 40. You would have done that for two years. You just live on the other side of the world. Your whole life is like this weird, you're just never connected

to reality. Yeah, you're just not. So yeah, for that I would get up, because sometimes I would run before that show, and I'd get up at like 2.45.

How'd you guys do like sports? Like when you talk sports, would you get in there and have like a little recap video for it or something? Yeah, well, I mean,

Jerry would watch the games. He's a fucking psychopath. Yeah, he'd be like, I want to get in there the seventh inning. I'm like, Jerry,

I didn't watch, I don't watch any of this shit. Did you watch sports? Yeah, but like, if there was a, you know, like I'm like, Jerry, I don't watch any of this shit. Did you watch sports? Yeah, but if there was a... You grew out of it. You had to watch the Patriots because that mattered. Yeah. But was I watching Red Sox twins the fourth inning,

the fucking three? No, no fucking chance. So you just bullshit. I mean, you read two stories, you can do it. You did very little of it anyway. I mean, you watch highlights and you get the gist of the game. But I watch almost no sports now. I watch a little football. I watch a lot of golf.

That's it. I've recently gotten back into sports because I've started gambling a little bit. I've been watching the series. Thank you very much. Appreciate that. I like what you're doing. I like what you're doing. You're doing great. Thank you, John. I appreciate that.

See how I'm on top of things? Paying attention? You're a team player. That's why we need you in Miami. I'm watching that. See how I'm on top of things? Yeah. Paying attention. You're a team player. Making a gambler. That's why we need you in Miami. I'm watching that. Need you in Miami, man. I'm not sure why me being in Miami would help.

I just know it makes you uncomfortable. I was going to say, I had no... Hashtag perk to Miami. Why would you... I don't know. I think we have... I've been to Miami. Been to Miami.

Good, that's perfect. Miami hand. Good, anyway. King of the men's house. What were you saying Miami. Good, that's perfect. Miami Han. Good, anyway. King of the men's house. What were you saying about sports? I don't know. Nothing. I'm going to go do Big Yak.

Go cook it up. All right, good night. See you.