KFC Radio - Bloggers Vs the Coronavirus, Carson Kressley, and Finesse Mitchell

Episode Date: March 3, 2020

KFC and Feits talk about the high school photos of themselves that surfaced this weekend and the importance of hating your high school self. Feits' reacts to a horrendous video that friend of the program Josh Wolf sent to KFC unprompted. The guys weigh in on whether or not they'll survive the Coronavirus. Voicemails include: Vaccine Tester, Living Hot or Colder, and Watermelon Birth. Carson Kressley (RuPaul's Drag Race, Queer Eye) joins the show. KFC and Feits let him know how nervous they were picking out their interview with him. He gives the guys a few fashion pointers and talks about the importance of representation in television. Finesse Mitchell (Outmatched, SNL) stops by to talk about his years on SNL, getting a photo with Eddie Murphy, and how he got the name Finesse while playing for The U.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. I'm sitting next to my esteemed colleague, John Feidelberg. He's got a mustache right now. Yeah. He's a man of many looks. Over the years.

I like it. I don't think it looks good, but I like it. It's like a girl who fell in love with a guy with a little dick. It's not good, but it works for me. I think you're speaking about yourself in a lot of things here. I think it's more than just the mustache you can relate to. It's just cute. I like it.

Well, that's how this started wallow shaved your face in miami you looked ridiculous your girl liked it and now you're going with it it's i don't even think she liked it i think she just tolerated like everything just tolerated it no she well she said to me she liked it really yeah oh she didn't tell that to me yeah no that's really how compliments you should go with me they don't come directly to me i said something like you know oh my god he's a pedophile and she said like no i like it i was like well my man's keeping it then it's i honestly you are the first person telling me that she liked it i this was i shade i was just shaving this morning and i was like well the reason i bring it up the reason i bring it up is because you are a man of many looks you are you

have had all sorts of different styles and and and looks to you hair clothes everything the only thing that keeps the same is that ugly mug yeah well not really that got fatter yeah sure that got worse but it got way worse the pictures that surfaced this weekend if you're watching on gold you got to see them i'm i mean they're perfect they're so perfect in the newspaper too for the fucking hockey team so program on newspaper the program excuse me um but i'm just for so long i've been preaching self-awareness and like it that means like i in order for that to work i need you to be self-aware too right so i'm so happy that you tweeted that out on saturday night like i i can't even be a little bit upset

if people tell me they don't like me like look at me like it is astounding that anybody likes you you have been dressing and looking like an asshole for at least 15 straight years. It's so bad. It's so bad. I'm going to go two decades of you almost intentionally trying to look like a white douchebag. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's, here's what I was thinking.

I was looking at it the other day and just this phrase popped into my mind. And it's, I hate high school me and you should too. And it's not, I'm not referring directly to me. You should hate your high school you too. Not the golden us. You. If you don't hate high school you, then you – You haven't grown.

Not even you haven't grown. Like you weren't cool in high school either. Well, that's true too. Right? It's both. If you like high school you, you were a loser in high school. And if you – No, no, no.

I disagree with that because a lot of people live in the glory days, and they are – they were cool, and now they're not and but they so they like latch on to like yeah i was quarterback or whatever that's a misconception common misconception that's what people who are losers invent uh you think they weren't losers most cool people do not grow to be losers very very few i'm probably on board with that because you know what's funny about being the quote-unquote cool people is I guess you're right. Like the common trope. I don't even mean cool.

I mean straight up bullies. Like the assholes rarely become gross people. Yeah. They might have loser personalities, but they're not like – the guy who's sitting alone, the trope of the guy – that's my recent crotch trope. I just said it too. I've been saying conflate a lot too. Oh, yeah? Yeah, big time.

That's a good one. Yeah. It's a useful one but i've been i said enough that people realize that i just it's not like i just learned it but i just stumbled upon it again and now it's back into a word yeah um but the you know the guy sitting at the bar in his varsity jacket yeah that is well you know why that's bullshit because what i was gonna say is like usually the cool people are still like like if you're a captain of the football team quarterback football team like you're learning about responsibility and people relying on you.

You'll probably go on and have a good job. The prom queen is usually doing some organizing and she's learning how to make people like her and all that shit. You're probably going to go on to be a dickhead, whatever, but you're going to be successful in life. I said it the other day because for some reason in Toronto, the room across from me in the hotel had a doorbell. And it said on the doorbell, depress button for five seconds.

So I put out my Instagram story, which is a statistic show that if you were bullied as a child, that bully is likely in a higher social and economic class than you. And that's a depressing stat. But it's true. I totally agree. And I mean, anybody who still believes in karma is a depressing stat. But it's true. No, I totally agree. And I mean, anybody who still believes in karma is a fucking asshole. Karma doesn't exist. No. Like, I was talking to a buddy this weekend.

I mean, look at me. If karma, I am proof positive that karma doesn't exist. That person in those pictures deserves nothing good to happen to them. You are the guy who everyone says, like, you're going to get your ass kicked one day. I'm like, how many times have you had your ass kicked, John? I've never had my ass kicked. Never. Never once.

And, like, you definitely should have. Definitely. But, like, yeah, I was talking to a buddy who, like, pretty high profile and had, like, his girlfriend, like, another kind of high profile guy stole his girlfriend from him. And, you know, went on to very big things and he was like that was the moment i realized that like you know you got like you make your own life and you just deal with it and like you just got to like keep it moving and and you can't like cry about it and no one's gonna come save you and no one and nothing bad's gonna happen to that guy it's just like keep going keep keep living because there's the universe is not gonna fix things for

you karma is not real so those people probably go on to become the president or a millionaire or whatever. So, I mean, I'm sure – I think with sports it's a little different because I think there are people who latch on. You don't have to – maybe not like a failure in life, but there are people who latch on to like Uncle Rico type shit. And it's like that doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter that you were good in sports in high school. No, it doesn't. Those people probably also went on to like a good life, but not because of their sports. Yeah, they're not sitting at a bar alone drunk.

Right. They're doing fine. They might talk about that too much at fancy dinner parties. Right. But they're at those dinner parties. Yes, correct. Yeah, it's like you need to come up with something more to talk about, but we're still at you in the building. And having said all this,

kind of cool too. What? How you looked? Yeah. Yeah. Like, I don't think it's cool, but I'm like, I get it. The choker necklace is a regret.

Thank you. Shout out to the police officer in Bill Ricker who cut it off my neck because she thought I was going to try and hang myself with it that was a necessary step I'll probably still be wearing that thing today do tell no I've told that story it's the one thing I learned

it's when I got arrested outside a strip club in Bill Ricker, Mass, Mac 2's it was the police officer did not like me. And the police officer who was doing my mugshot and all that was going to let me keep it on. So I was like, look, I can't hang myself with this thing. It's a little fucking. It was like tied. So it wasn't like you take it off.

And I was like, I can't get the knot. I'm not going to hang myself on a fucking promise. Leather choker shamrock necklace. Not a shark to it. People were people were very confused. Get it fucking right. It was a shamrock. Feidelberg.

Classic Irish name. And while the cop was like, it's fine, it's fine. She came up. I assume it was a knife. I mean, I assume it was scissors. I say it was a knife because that's a better story. Yeah. But I don't know.

It was behind me. So who knows? But to me, it was a knife at the back of my head. Well, thank God for her. Yeah. Seriously, thank you. Thank you, officer, for your dedication. It would probably be on to relate back to last episode,

just out of convenience. Yeah, because I can't get it on. You probably would have got too fat. You probably have a fat neck. No, I actually have a really skinny neck. I have like a fucking, or maybe it's just a big head. I don't think it was as skinny as it was back then though bro well nothing was it's fine you know i mean they say like that was served that was serving protect right there people think that means like you

know lay your life on the line or like you know protect people from criminals it also could mean finding this this dumb douchebag and helping him out and slip snipping off his choker necklace so that we the people don't have to look at that. You're welcome. The pictures, like the four, the Mount Rushmore of Feidelberg pictures, the one where like the side profile, you got like the hat kind of and you got like fucking big puffy hair. The one that Tyler says he wants to fight. Yes. This is so funny.

That is true dickhead. I mean, I'm in Madra shorts, a button-down polo, fucking prep school hair, a backwards crooked hat like Scumbag Steve, and a choker shamrock necklace, throwing up a peace sign, probably in Newport, Rhode Island. That's the whitest picture ever. It's up there. That is, you know, there's white.

It's like Tom Steyer or whatever the fuck his name is. That's how bad your presidential campaign was, bro. I still do not know how to pronounce your name. That was a tough look for a juvenile, too. Like, I mean, his campaign got canceled, like, the day after. Yeah. I was like, this guy's going to make some noise. Nope, never mind.

Gone. Yeah, there's white like that. There's, like, old man white. I'm sure there's pictures of, like, you know, like, Alan Tipper Gore there, like, as white as can be. But then there's, like, the young white douchebag. That's you. You should be a meme. It's very much a young white douchebag. That's you. You should be a meme. It's very much a young white douchebag.

You really should be the meme, yeah. I mean, that is, if there was like scumbag Steve type of meme still floating around, you would be it, man. It was actually because I was so young in that picture. You can see. Crap School John's a meme. You can see me like mid-transformation. You were transitioning.

Like I just moved sorry i was born i was born a douchebag no i was i like just moved from fall river so like i have the white side i still have like the backwards crooked hat yeah but i'm now in my prep school uniform so you were you were transitioning from like white trash to elitist i i was changing from 50 cent to country music got it I had also just discovered it. Of course. Very much like Rascal Flatts. Speaking of, shout out to that fucking song.

Oh, yeah. But you know what the problem is? What you just said there. I don't even know their name. The song is called Rascal, right? Yeah, but Rascal Flatts is the band. Right. But I'm saying-

God bless the Broken Road remix. Right, but I'm saying the new one. They're not getting anything out of it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because everyone's just like, have you heard that song yeah like they they got to get credit for that that song is fucking fire um yeah that that's well that's you now you know what is you kind of put it all together now i i'm still just still i'm still a fucking

chameleon i'm still i can do everything it's still a douchebag i'm still a douchebag no doubt but i might still i can you can put me... We've said it a million times. You can put me anywhere. I'm good. Did you ever do pop collars? Did I ever do pop collars? Yeah, Kevin. Did you ever do the two pop collars?

I'm sure I've done the two pop collars before. I don't know the pictures out there. That was the most offended John's ever... Yeah, I did pop collars. You want to know why it was... Why pop collars are so popular? In prep school, it was back in the day and this is the story i was told i don't know i haven't researched it but this is what i heard

when i was in prep school it was that um you had to wear starched collars and if you'd like fuck the night before the starch would have come out and like you know you had you woke up in the morning you have time to restart your collar so it kind of it wasn't as starched down it would come up so like if you were walking on campus you had like a collar it was fucked up people were like oh he's cool he looks up that sounds like an urban legend i like it yeah i like it i i can't imagine ever being like like your collar doesn't pop all the way up because there's a little bit less starch no it's not even close but if it probably doesn't pop up at all it's like it's like anything where it's like oh it's a little off let's go all the way with it yeah no i'm sure i've done a double pop i'm sure i guarantee you i've done cornrows

yeah i that's that was a bad omission it just couldn't fit i have the picture i think i said it to you we need five the i look like such a fat baby in this picture. It's crazy. This is just a legitimate fat baby with cornrows. Just doughy, bro. Just dough. That's, what, 04? Yeah, 04. This is before you could do a little facial hair to hide the fatness.

God, Bronson Arroyo, you fucked my boy on that one. That is rough. You have, I mean, everybody, we've said this. If you look back at pictures of your old self and you're okay with it, that probably means you're a dickhead now. Like, you should have grown and changed and evolved and learned that your style, what was in vogue, what your hair looked, all that shit should have changed in the last, like, 10, 15 years. But it's funny.

Right. I'm not like, oh, fuck that kid.'m like oh man you're right it's the it's the awareness to know that like yeah yeah i looked like an asshole when i was 15 so did you the people who i mean if there's anybody out there who's like still defending their pick you know what i mean like no everybody all of us and we'll do it 15 years from now too i'm gonna look back and like you were wearing a tie-dyed shirt you fucking as a 35 year old man you are an asshole the only way you can ever get away with like if your ensemble every single day forever is like regular jeans and yes if you're trent like you know he'll always look the same forever and ever but it's but yeah it's just like you didn't

have you didn't live it up in that moment. You never tried. You didn't embrace the ability to look like quote-unquote cool on that day when you know you're going to look like a shithead later. But whatever, man. Fuck it. Who cares? I'm living for today. Chameleon, man. Just conform.

Follow others. Do what's popular. And yeah. Yeah, eventually it will become like a fuckboy outfit or whatever. But fuck it. Have fun with it. Eventually it's also going to come back into style. So at some point when chokers are cool again, John's going to be like,

I was on this trend 30 years ago, assholes. And until then, we can just look back at pictures and make fun of them. I don't know that choker. I don't think it is. I don't think it is. But I also, I mean, all of fashion is like you can look at all of it through the lens of like that looks weird, that's stupid. You through the lens. I'm like, that looks weird. That's stupid.

You know what I mean? So it'll come back eventually. I will rue the day. I will own that day. Be like, yep, fucking told you, motherfuckers. I mean, honestly, the necklace isn't the worst part. The hair with the swoop and the trying to look like a badass, I lied so much in that program, too.

I think I had listed. At the time I was probably 5'10", buck 60. I think I had listed 6'1", 180. It wasn't even close. So you got that mean mug on. And that was probably right around the time you were faking having sex. For sure. In the locker room.

No doubt. In those showers. I had some sex last night. I'll never forget the time I asked faking having sex for guys in the locker room. Yeah, no doubt. In those showers. I had some sex last night. I'll never forget the time I asked. I did sex. I was like, yeah, you do it for 45 minutes too, right? And to be fair, I think everyone else was lying because people were like, yep, that's about the right time. And that guy is that.

We were all virgins. Basically, high school just becomes the same chat rooms you were at in middle school. Yes. Where it's just a bunch of dudes trying to lie about having sex and stuff. And you just kind of progress. Like, okay, now we'll all be naked in the shower. But I'll be lying about how I fuck women. Or fuck girls, I guess it would be at the time. It was like, yeah.

I just looked at a porn and was like, that's about how long you should have sex. Cool. That's how long I do. 40 minutes? Is that what you guys do? Everyone's like, yeah, buddy. Good day. Nice job, fellas. We can get one. We can get one. to porn and was like that's about how long you should have sex cool there we go now that's how long i do 40 minutes is that what you guys do yeah everybody good day nice job fellas we get one we can get one oh my god everyone's such an asshole when they're young and older and older and forever and always

pretty much the uh yeah it's it's uh so wait how old are you in that picture? I'm a senior, so I would guess 17. Okay, so think about this. He's got maybe a couple years on you now, maybe even 18 months, who knows. Think about you and Zion Williamson. You're in that fucking program with that face, lying to guys about fucking girls, and he's going toe-to-toe with LeBron.

Because I was about to say something like, well, listen, everybody goes through this, and everybody does that. There's like a very elite crew that does not, and they do the total fucking opposite. You've been doing this to me forever. You know one Facebook status you posted once that really stuck with me? What? It was like a Facebook status. Whoa.

It was, I think it was on my birthday when I turned 22. Uh-huh. And it was something along the lines of, it was like Derek Rose's birthday, and he just won MVP. And then like Blake Griffin's birthday, and I think he'd won rookie of the year or somewhat had done something noteworthy. Right. And then me.

And we were all the same age, I think. And it was like, I forget what you said I do, but it was basically like, one rookie of the year or someone had done something noteworthy right and then me and we were all the same age i think and it was like yeah i forget what you said i do but it's basically like post daily links yeah it was just to knock it down a few pegs in case you weren't low enough he makes a couple hundred bucks a month to post links to other websites and derrick rose is the mv MVP of the NBA. Same shit. Same age. Same age. It's more a testament to them

and how ridiculous their lives are versus how much of a bag of shit you are. But I figured two birds, one stone. Two birds, one stone if you want to get yourself a burrow couch because not only are they comfortable, but they are smart, meaning they are technologically equipped

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They got rugs. They've got armchairs, ottomans, love seats. So you can get your whole living room, your whole common room, all in one shot over at Burrow. They also have the sleep kit, which will transform your sofa, your couch, into a bed. Whoa. Yeah. I mean, they do it all, man.

I need that shit because I sleep on the couch most of the time anyway. You really do. That's hugely important to me. I'm going to need one of because I sleep on the couch most of the time anyway. You really do. That's hugely important to me. I'm going to need one of those burrowed please. Thank you very much. To be honest though, then it's like – it's kind of cheating. It's like then you're sleeping in a bed. Yeah, that's what I'd probably do.

I'd have that capability and just sleep on the couch. Yeah. You would get up from the bed couch and go to the couch and sleep on that. But all of it, whether you're trying to sleep or lounge or chill or charge your phone watch tv you can do it all in in uh at burrow.com slash kfc so um we're talking about growing up and oh by the way i got it i got a couple anytime i put the picture of me from i think that's like seventh grade eighth grade up um like a whole new crop of stories see it for the first time you know yeah because i mean that's

that's that picture of me has been around for like 10 years so uh and every time that it kind of goes re-viral in our world i get texts from the guys in the picture so my buddy alejandro dro texted me and he was like all my boys are sending to this this to me like what the fuck is this so uh it's alejandro neil and cory are the guys in those pictures so i'm sure every time that happens they're just like what the fuck is see i i don't um i'm not like in touch with the other people so i cut them out of the instagram i didn't know like they wanted to be out there everywhere but the see the problem i didn't know i was surprised to hear that you're still i mean i'm not like i haven't hung out with them but like yeah we're still all in contact that's you know

the good part like social media and all that well i have to put them in there because that's the picture the whole point is that i was hanging out with black and puerto rican kids like it makes no sense that's true you know uh but we grew up that picture uh like it's also just weird in eighth grade to be like a bunch of guys hanging out of lockers. Take a picture of us. I think it was like a yearbook picture or something like that. And that's what it was. And actually, I think if you open it up a little bit more, I think Brian Levy's in there too.

Who was like the only guy who was whiter than me. We grew up in a time. It was a confusing time, John. Our generation, the reason why we are the way we are is because it was a weird time. And we grew up with the internet. And we've talked about this many times before. We grew up with Faces of Death. I know.

And Pain Olympics. And all sorts of shit. John's preparing himself. So I got sent a video this weekend from a gentleman who I fucking hate. He's done this to me, and I can't believe I got duped. Josh Wolf sent me this video. Josh has sent me a million videos like this, and somehow I didn't see it coming. It's always like a trick video. It starts as one thing and ends as another. and somehow I didn't see it coming. It's always like a trick video.

It starts as one thing and ends as another. And he used to send them consistently enough that I knew what I was getting into. It's been a little while since he sent one. He just said, have you seen this? And I press play like a fucking moron. And I, it's hard. There's different classifications's different, um, like classifications of internet videos where you can call them like the worst,

you know, it's like, is, you know, that little girl getting hit by a train. That's the worst because I watched like a seven year old girl die. That's a tough one. What video is this? Yeah,

that's a tough one. There's just like a face of death video. This little girl tries to cross train tracks, does not make it just gets creamed by a train. Uh, so like, yeah, that's probably beat the guy getting beheaded. Like, yes, creamed by a train uh so like yeah that's prop beat the guy getting beheaded like yes i'm watching someone die and like that was a you know

horrible shit so those are truly the worst videos but as far as like grossness i think this might be one of the worst it's not like the worst and so i was gonna just send it to you as well the way that josh did to me he did did me so dirty but I couldn't and I said we're going to do it on the show instead and what's funny is I thought I was ready to type back saying this is going to be great for Zillion Beers

I'm going to send it along. I thought it was going to be like a video like that and oh my god it is not so I'm going to pull this up and I just want to see john's john's reaction this is the first time he's seen it you ready and and you have to make your promise you have to watch it like through the end because like the end is the is important and you need to like see just how much how gross it gets okay it starts out with a man

on a dirt bike it does not end there really really not looking forward to this i can't wait okay ready this is the bicycle oh my god wait look look look, watch, watch! No. Look out! Behind you. No, no. Wait a minute, I didn't even watch. I didn't watch it this whole last time. It's that. Stop, stop, stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Stop. Stop. I'm sorry.

I didn't even know it went that long either. That was bad. I didn't even see that. That was bad. I just actually threw up. I? Did you get up get i thought that was who do you think put the garbage can there john yeah that was like one of the first times like it's actually i've actually i always gag that's one first time way longer than i thought i told you to watch the whole way

i i must have turned it off too he's playing with that like it's a punching bag no no no no no next topic no oh my god wow i mean that's fucked up uh that's fucked up to send to me right that's unbelievable i don't even know we can talk about that would you i mean i think it's the grossest video i've ever seen seriously i think that's the one it's I've ever seen. Seriously. I think that's the one. It is. The human body is a disgusting, disgusting thing. I mean, I guess we have to tell people what it was. It was two dudes getting fisted. I mean, like, to the elbow.

Like, amazing human feet. Like, plunging. And then they... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, I hated every second of that. The insides come out like it's like...

It looks like they're giving birth to a baby cow. That was the worst thing I've ever seen. Milking it. That was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. It looks like... You know what it looks like when someone's milking a cow, right?

Imagine someone doing that to your asshole. It looked like someone had been what do you call it when your guts come out? Impale? Heartier?

No, when you get cut open and your guts spill out. When you're entrailed and disemboweled. It looked like they'd been disemboweled. Disemboweled, yes. Yeah, it looked like someone got... It looked like they'd been disemboweled. Like, those guys aren't alive anymore. Those guys are dead.

That was the faces of death meets tub girl meets Goatsy. That was everything. So that's the one, right? I wasn't exaggerating when I said that's the worst video ever seen. I did not uphold my promise to you. I did not watch even remotely close to the full thing. Neither did I, though. That's okay.

And yeah, that's as bad as it gets. That's as bad as it gets. Oh, boy. Good news. Not gay. We can officially put that one to bed. It's always been in the back of the mind like, maybe? Yeah, but here's the thing.

That's not even... That's not sexuality but if that was a girl i could watch it no way yeah i could i couldn't i couldn't either there i could watch all right so then you're super straight yeah i mean you watch the girl put her whole outfit in her ass yeah but i didn't see the when you know what at the end when she tried to do the inside out i turned it off i was like that's enough this is disgusting you're gonna rewind when you put your tank top in there no the uh yeah i mean I wouldn't like pleasure myself to it, but I wouldn't. It's the hair.

It's the nuts hanging. It's everything. It makes it just so much worse, so much worse. The male body is so gross. Sometimes I think like gay guys, they got it all figured – like they're smarter than us. It's like when we're dealing with crazy women and they're like – all the shit we've been talking about for weeks now, the snooping and the insecurities and the lying and the like the craziness that girls I'm always like well maybe I can't get guys at once they got it all

done like this hang out it's all good but then I see that and I'm like my mouth is what are you guys fucking crazy that's what you're gonna do you're choosing to do that that's crazy that's that's a lot that's obviously an extreme situation but I that was bad I did not like you know the rules you know what I That's crazy. It's a lot. It's obviously an extreme situation. But I... That was bad. I did not like it. But you know the rules. You know what I mean?

It's like, if I see it, you got to see it. Yeah. I'm not bearing that cross alone. When I go to sleep tonight and I'm having nightmares and puking in my bed, I know you are too. We're in this together, babe. God, that's awful. So bad.

Can you imagine me? At least you braced yourself. Yeah, I mean, it didn't help. But that's one of the worst. That's the worst video I've ever seen. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. Okay. You know what's crazy? People are going to ask, like, I want to see it. I'm like, I don't think I can put that anywhere. Oh, yeah. There's no way you can put that. I definitely can't put it to my name or anything.

Maybe I'll upload it to some nameless video server some nameless like video dark web with it yeah like i imagine imagine if you search like at ksc bars to him that pops up josh wolf just ask him to send it to you he doesn't have a job he can maybe do it he's such a prick he's such a fucking ass like josh wolf can't get fired i said that's the most disgusting thing i've ever seen and i grew up on faces of death and he said that is well i have some more videos to see and then i said to him those assholes just kept growing and he said that's the quote of the year absolutely vile i mean i'm wondering if like like i hate being the puke guy now you're what i mean yeah because everyone just tries to make me puke. Oh, well, no.

We succeed. It's not like it's hard. Well, no. That was honestly probably the first straight up success. I legitimately puked that. That was like, there's always gagging, but as rarely is it just a full puke. You over there going, and the video's just being like, yeah. That was as vile as it fucking gets.

I hated every second of it but i'm wondering if like like if like 1999 you saw that or early 2000s whatever it was do you think you would be like have we gone soft no have you got better no it's like the the only thing i could ever like tolerate was lemon party because that was like that was just some guys. That was funny. That was just funny. That wasn't gross. It was just some dudes in love sucking dicks.

And Meat Spin was funny. Lemon Party was funny. Meat Spin and Lemon Party were funny because it was just like, I guess it was just normal sex. Goatsy was gross. Goatsy was gross. Tub Girl was gross. I couldn't do those things. Yeah, at least those were just still pictures.

Right. This was like Goaty came to life. Even Goatsy, even the picture haunts me to this day. I don't even like the pumpkin that looks like an asshole. That's just a poorly shaped pumpkin. I'm like...

Yeah. Alright, let's regroup. Let's regroup. We'll do some voicemails we have also got a couple interviews we've got uh carson cressley from queer from the street how do you forget things so easily you forgot the whole corona thing i'm i'm i got distracted okay who says i wasn't gonna get there you weren't gonna get there i there. I always wait for you to go voicemails. I'm like, wait, you forgot something. Yeah, you do.

But I was also introducing that we have. Because voicemails is proof that we're moving on to not our regular topics. Right. Yeah, well, maybe not. Maybe I was going to introduce our guests and then say, but first, because we have Carson Cressley on. He's from the original Queer Eye from the Straight Guy. He's also on RuPaul's Drag Queen show.

He is one of the most best dressed. Very drop guy. Very cool guy. I like talking to Carson a lot. Yeah. That was like when PFT meets Mike Allstott. That was your version of that. Fight over a guy.

I don't know if we have the mic rolling, but when he came in, he's like. My pants interrupted him. Yeah. He took. Did you notice? Maybe he didn't because you were like shaking his hand. And he, I mean, he gives like the once over. Like he looks down to your feet up, like totally judging.

And you passed. I passed. It was. It was. I feel like you have passed. It was high. Nice. Oh, I love those pants. But not too impressed with the inside out sweatshirt. Yeah. But that. That. I knew he wasn't going to like that. I feel like you half passed. It was high, nice. Oh, I love those pants. But not too impressed with the inside out sweatshirt.

Yeah, but that – But it still stopped him in his tracks. It talked about it. Well, I really wish those pictures had surfaced so we could have showed him those at the time. That's what we should have done. Yeah. Showed him old pictures. He would have walked out of here disgusted.

We also have Finesse Mitchell on the show, funny comedian. He's on Jason Biggs' new sitcom. So we've already been talking about their show so we got some awesome stories from him about life on saturday night live basically when you know when like if someone from snl is here we don't want to be like so man like he's like fuck a lot of chicks and do a lot of partying because like you know who knows if people want to talk about that he just offered all that stuff yeah he's like yeah i was like having threesomes and fucking partying like are you are you kidding me? I was on SNL.

I lived in Manhattan. This is what's up. So some very funny and interesting stories about him during his SNL prime. We'll get to our voicemails. But first, it's here. It's arrived. Coronavirus is here. Coronavirus is brought to you by China.

And I think we're going to get it. You think we're going to get it? I don't know. It's in New York. Everyone's going to get it. You think we're going to get it? I don't know. It's in New York. Everyone's going to get it. And we have bad immune systems. We don't. I mean, John, we very, very famously on the record don't wash our hands.

Yeah. That's how you get it. That's why I'm not going to get it. Because you're building up the immune system. I licked a lot of windows as a kid. I've been training for this. Okay. Wouldn't that be so funny if you were the cure?

If you were like my blood. Yeah. It's not patient zero, but like, you know, yeah, you're the thing that like patient X. Yeah.

They're like, we found it like with this gross kid. Like what's the cure? It's like, well, his bed's disgusting. He doesn't even have a bedroom. He's constantly exposed to everything.

His gums are rotting. He eats nothing but candy for dinner. His body is the perfect machine to fight this. Done deal. I think we should at least try that. We should at least donate John's blood to science. It's you. It's me.

And that's why I'm supposed to go to Europe at the end of the month. I haven't canceled that trip yet. They canceled the Louvre the other day. They closed the Louvre. Any reason to go to Europe, you're not going to be able to do any of the things that you want to do in Europe. My cousin's studying abroad in Italy. Sent home today. Only essential people allowed in the country.

Well, I'm coming, so you better get ready. Essential motherfuckers. It's actually going to be good. It's going to be like you in Florence, Italy. Like, I am legend. No, I'm actually not going to Italy. Don't go to Italy. Italy is fucked. I am going to Paris.

So that'll be one. It's pretty close. It's going to be like I am legend. You're going to be walking the streets of an empty city just being like, I'm the only one. Yeah, which would be fucking funny. That's a better story than I went to look at some paintings. I went like no one was allowed outside. You go to Paris, you pay like zillions of dollars

to go over to have a European vacation and there's just nothing to do. No restaurants are open, no sightseeing. It's just you walking the streets. That would be funny. Actually, I'm definitely going now. I've been on the fence about whether or not I should go. If I get there and everything's closed,

that's fucking hilarious. Here's the problem. You might not get back in. Yeah, so? so i mean that's a fucking hook for the podcast this is that's a good thing about our job no matter what like guess what we have to skype for three months because i'm not allowed to leave france if you get quarantined like that's that's legitimately so great if that's case live from from a fucking cargo ship container in Paris. Because I feel like if you get quarantined, it's not just like, all right, stay in your apartment. They're going to be like, you have to stay in this facility. No, you stay in your apartment.

No, but I'm saying now. I'm saying if things get worse. Those are people who came home in crates. Well, it's the sick people who get quarantined. I'm not going to get sick. We've addressed that already. I'll be fine. You might carry it.

You might not be showing symptoms. Wouldn't that be funny if they were like. If I don't show symptoms, I'm not going to get sick. We've addressed that already. I'll be fine. You might carry it. You might not be showing symptoms. Wouldn't that be funny if they were like, I don't show symptoms. I'm not going to the doctor. I'm not going to get tested. I could see them being like, look at this man. He's got aches and pains. He groans every time he stands up.

His sleep pattern is terrible. He looks bloated. He doesn't feel good. He must have coronavirus. I've had coronavirus for about 15 years. Dude, actually, the sleep thing was funny because it was – I've had to get up at like 7 o'clock in the morning for like two weeks straight now because it was hockey bullshit.

And I still – when I wake up early, I wake up like 6.30, 7. I – my body just assumes we're either sick or hungover. Yes. Like I wake up – I drank too much. Oh, 7, I... My body just assumes we're either sick or hungover. Yes. Like, I wake up, I drank too much. Oh, no, wait. I'm sober as can be. And I look around the room confused. No, we're okay. Okay. Yeah. Alright. Especially in college. I guess let's just go about

our day now. I mean, I used to... Every Wednesday, I would wake up with a hangover for, like, years on end, because we always partied on Tuesday nights, and then after college,, like Wednesday morning, I'd be like, oh no, how much did I drink? Nothing. Nothing. I didn't drink anything last night.

I watched Harry Potter and went to bed. Fresh as a daisy. Went to bed at 9 p.m. I am good to go. So maybe you are the cure for coronavirus. It wouldn't surprise me. I'd be willing to get tested for that. You can't test me for coronavirus.

That's not allowed. But I'd be willing to get tested if that. You can't test me for coronavirus. That's not allowed. But I'd be willing to get tested if I'm the cure. Because I think it would make perfect sense. I think I've... Like, we should just take, like, a vial of your blood, put it in a vanilla envelope. Did I just say vanilla envelope? Yeah.

Vanilla envelope. Send it to, like, the CDC and just be like, you're welcome. Just... And, like, they... Because I feel like they would take it... They'd be like, oh, my God, what is this? This must be, like...

This is the antidote. And they'll start testing it, and they'll find out. They'll be like, oh my god, what is this? This is the antidote. They'll start testing it and they'll find out. This is something we've never seen. Is this human? Is this extraterrestrial blood? What's happening here? Then they'll test it and it's going to eradicate coronavirus in a heartbeat. I think that would make sense.

Are you scared of it? This is like the vegan thing. Which clearly I'm really harping on. We're like, I'm not scared, but you're making me scared. Yeah, I mean, I think that... It's working. The people who are like, the common cold is worse. No, it's not.

No, it's not. Not even close. A lot more people have the common cold, the common flu, whatever the fuck they always say. But that kills 0.2% of people who get it this kills a full two percent that's a lot i mean like if if 100 people get the flu and two of them die i'll probably chances are for me i'll probably be in the two like i'm i'm more worried about the mush then was that me that's a weird number a weird uh sound um the mush is gonna get me before like it's like the coronavirus mixed with the kfc mush i'll be in the two this is another reason not to

have children because now you you guys are you guys are gonna get it fuck you can't like brand no same for sure you have no control it's not even the mush it's just the mush you mushed yourself five years ago because now you have kids running around who are not hygienic and you know what is just crazy how bad it is to have kids i see a lot of times uh i see a lot a lot of this on twitter um mostly with like when i'm reading am i the asshole or those reddit relationship tweets the gays are always in the comments so funny just being like what is wrong with straight people like you guys got it all fucked up like all the problems that straight people are always worrying about gay people are

like well we just don't deal with that at all and on top of that has to be because i mean you can have a family but obviously it's a lot different i'd imagine just the idea of like yeah no i'm just gonna give up like my late 20s 30s 40s and 50s to like have children who are just to bring new life to this earth that has too much life right so yeah we're already overcrowding and like it's dying out and boy things are getting really bleak let's bring some more to this party like imagine that imagine if you called your friends you're like yo should i come to the party and they're like nah dude like it's so crowded nobody can even get a drink everybody here is ugly like the police are about to come break it up it's dangerous people are fighting don't come to the party yeah when you're having kids you're inviting people to that party it's like yeah come on down to the basement it's great down here

it's ridiculous and yeah so now i just am like well you take you you take all my money and you take all my fun and now also you're gonna be like a harbinger of death. You're just going to, you're just going to, you're a vessel to carry these diseases home to me. Just, thank you. It's crazy how like often people, kids, people with kids are sick and stuff like that.

And now you're going to have it because of this. You know, what's funny too, are you excited? If you get it, because why P asked me this question and it's a stupid question. He said, would you get corona for $200,000? Which I obviously would do.

I mean, again, 2% chance of death. Yeah, but no, it's not 2%. Not for me, it's not. Not for you, it's not. The people who are dying are younger and older. Are they? Okay. Yeah, it's like middle-aged people who are dying are younger and older. Are they? Okay. Yeah. It's like middle-aged people who are healthy.

Well, I would, I would guess that they're middle-aged. Yes. Healthy. No. I mean, I'm healthy. I don't live a healthy lifestyle, but I'm a healthy human. I suppose. As it stands.

The, uh, it's all relative, but the, uh, like the, I don't know what the exact stats are, but I know it. That's what I need. I need like 30 year old men. How much do they? People who are not currently healthy are the exact stats are, but I know it's... Yeah, that's what I need. I need, like, 30-year-old men. How much do they... People who are not currently healthy are the ones who are dying. So I don't know what it is. Right.

It's like third-world countries and shit like that, right? Only two people in the U.S. have died. They're both over 70, pre-existing medical conditions. Right. Okay. So I'm probably not going to die. So we Gucci. Yeah.

So 200 grand, yeah, I'll do it in a fucking heartbeat. And what are the... Like, are the other symptoms are just, like, flu-like symptoms? I believe so, yeah. It's not like you're, like, bleeding, I'll do it in a fucking heartbeat. And what are the other symptoms? Are they just flu-like symptoms? I believe so, yeah. It's not like you're bleeding from your eyeballs and shit, right? No. It's pretty much regular flu. $200,000, that's a no-brainer.

I think it takes about three months. At least that's how long you have to live in quarantine. You have to stay in your apartment. See, that's what's up. But, I mean, that's what's up until it's not what's up. Three months is a long-ass time to be sitting in your apartment. Maybe. That's the ultimate test.

What I want to do is get quarantined somewhere else. If I find out I need to get quarantined, I'm going to go for broke and go rent a baller apartment. I'm going to sublet this place for three months. Then I'm okay living there. I'm going to get $200,000. I can afford it. I'm going to get $200,000. Right, right. I'll break even. My rent will be like $75,000 a month.

Yeah, I'll go get Martha Stewart's house. Yeah, right. That's what I'm saying. House arrest? Yeah. No, you know what? I'm going to go live in Tyrese's house with the Benihana table. That I could – I'll live there forever.

I was re-watching those videos with Aziz. Those videos make me so happy. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. that i could i'll live there forever i was re-watching those videos with aziz those videos make me so happy you know i'm talking about yeah like he flips the shrimp in his mouth and everyone cheers and then they play the i mean amazing i would be i would be quarantined with tyree skips and right fucking now for for nothing uh i feel like when i when i do these things in my head i'm like well i have kids. I can't really risk death. Well, I have kids now. I need $200,000.

So I think I got to do it. What's the lowest you'd go? Probably like $200,000. Really? I don't think I'm going much lower. Oh, I'd do a bid for $50,000. Probably less. I mean, I need every bid I can get, but 50 is like –

Three months. 50 to me is like, okay, the kid's pre-K tuition is done. Like, great. You guys are so stupid. Right. I mean, it's nuts. It's not 50, but it's a lot. I mean, I'd probably do it for 10.

10? You just get sick. Like, I'm just sick it for 10. 10? You'd just get sick. Like, I'm just sick for three months. Not even three months. I'd be quarantined. I would watch so much. I'd have so much. You're going to do exactly what you do.

Just be sick. Don't act like you're going to have more opportunity. Also, I'd go outside. Just violate the quarantine? It doesn't put a cop in front of my door i'm going outside imagine if you just get sniped that i mean that would be whatever i i'd i'd touche that i'd dip my cap but uh like yeah if i got if i got sick i'm not i'm not gonna go around like infecting people intentionally i'm gonna die i'd wear a mask i'd but like i'm gonna go get a tin yeah i'm gonna

go get some ice cream i wouldn't go go far. I wouldn't take the subway. I mean, then you're not quarantined, John. Well, yeah, I'm breaking the law, but as long as I don't get caught, I'm not breaking the law. And, like, I just go. I wear a disguise. I wear, like, Groucho Marx glasses and a fucking hood, mask, gloves. I go, look, let me get an ice cream cone. If you see a grown man with a fucking fake mustache and nose just eating

an ice cream cone wearing mittens out in new manhattan it's john with the coronavirus what i'm describing is just what i do every night there's just there's an ice cream shop right next to my where i get my tins i go i'll get a tin i guess my ice cream come upstairs i'm not breaking that routine okay that's not for nothing that's locked in not no way not no how so unless you're stationed like i'm like no i'm gonna, no, I'm going to go outside. Fuck you. Again, I'm not going to go on like licking poles or anything like that, trying to get people sick and trying to spread it. But I'm going to step outside for a minute. Would you have sex with someone about coronavirus right now?

Someone. Yeah, like, like, like, you know, dime. Super sexy. She's like, I got coronavirus. Nah. Making out with you and shit. Nah. Why?

Why would I do that? No. I mean, unless, unless people's fun. Unless I get it from her and I get 200 grand out of it. But no, I Why? Why would I do that? No. I mean, unless I get it from her and I get 200 grand out of it. But no, I'm not going to willingly get it for free. That's crazy. Like Summer Rae comes along, you're saying no?

Fuck no. You're not having sex with Summer Rae? I wouldn't have sex with someone with cancer because I think you can get it. That's a true thing. I always see that in movies when people have cancer and they're having sex. I'm like, well, you're going to get it.

What are you doing? That's just... Out of all the ignorant things we say, when you say that, it's the most ignorant. You can probably get it. It's kissing? You can get anything through kissing. I'm pretty sure you can get pregnant through kissing.

And to the... Oh, yeah, Breaking Bad when Skylar's fucking wall. What are you doing, Sky? You have kids. You can't be risking this. Cancer, the STD. Oh, yeah, Breaking Bad when Skyler's fucking wall. I'm like, what are you doing, Sky? You have kids. You can't be risking this. Cancer, the STD. It's not crazy to think you can get cancer through kissing.

I mean, I think it's pretty crazy. I mean, you can get cancer from fucking cooking something in the microwave. Why wouldn't you be able to get it from kissing? I mean, I don't know why you can't get it, but you can. I don't think the science is out there to prove that yet. I don't know for sure. I wouldn't risk it. It's just... You are so dumb.

Again, I don't know the answer either. Yeah. But I do know. Look, it's... I know you probably can't, but if I was having sex with someone with cancer,

there would be a part of me like, I think we're getting cancer. This is how I feel. This is how I feel about the earth being round. I'm like, probably, but I just personally don't know it. And everything you say to me, that doesn't sound like enough proof. Why is cancer any different than anything else? It's a sickness. You're swapping all the germs and fluids.

You can get AIDS, you can get sick. Why can't you get cancer? Well, I mean, you can't get AIDS from kissing. I'm talking about the whole shebang here. Okay. But kissing is what I really focus on because that's the grossest part. Can you get AIDS, can you get cancer from... What can you get cancer from?

Kissing? Yes. Probably. Regular sex? I'm not going to give hard yeses. I'm just going to give probabilities. Regular sex? Probably.

Oil sex? Any exchanges of fluids. Yeah, I would guess it's in there. Blood transfusion? No doubt. Well, that one I feel like you probably should, right? Right? I mean, I don't think...

If you get cancer blood pumped into your body, you should probably get cancer blood. I think they tell you you can't get it that way really i think so that's crazy how can you get cancer it's what i mean microwave cancer is not a cancer so fucking silly people who know people got cancer are gonna get mad about you know what i heard yeah big time big time people are upset all my grandparents had cancer too uh as many people so people have died post 9-11 from cancer and all that shit as died in 9-11. The day of. Isn't that crazy? That makes sense.

Yeah. It's just a big ass number. It was a four what? I think it was like three something. Three nine. I mean, I guess the fact that, you know, it's been 20 years and 3,000 more people. I don't know. I can't tell if that's a lot or a little.

I mean, a lot of people died from cancer, period, over the last 20 years. I would guess in the small sample size that was there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, that's a bitch. Listen, cancer sucks. Don't yell at us. Whatever. I'm also anti-cancer.

I'm so anti-cancer. I want to sexually be in blood. The first thing it says on Google is cancer is not contagious. I don't know that. I don't know that. Like you can pump me full of your cancer blood and I'm not going to get cancer. I don't know, Kevin. Kevin, if you listen to this podcast for scientific research, you're on the wrong podcast.

Big time. Yeah, you guys fucked up. What we're here for are the voicemails. And voicemails are brought to you by Grubhub. Grubhub is the OG, the originator, none greater. You always remember your first, and Grubhub was my first. The first time I ever ordered food online, it was thanks to Grubhub. And they are... What a time that was. Oh, it was like... I mean, it was thanks to grubhub and they are uh what a time that was oh it was like i mean it

was it was a revolution john it was it was it's almost like i can't remember life without it now like i watched the title the wilder fury fight in standard def when when i def came out i i remember being like this is like not that big of a deal yeah i remember what's what's the fuss all these tech people going crazy like this is regular tv and now you go back and it's like oh my god like i go back to a world where you can't order food online like you have to like i mean back then it was what like you got your pizza place would deliver and like the chinese food place would deliver and that's it that's all everything else you either had to go get yourself eat there or you you just had to make food at home. Cavemen.

Neanderthals. That's archaic, medieval times. Last night, I was too tired to order like an idiot, and I was too tired to cook, so I ate food that I'd cooked before I went away. Shrimp tacos. I mean, you were just constantly asking for food poisoning. And then I forgot. I thought I'd left Friday. I forgot that I'd been

away. I left Wednesday. So I cooked that food Tuesday. You ate a week old shrimp. A week old shrimp. And you kept your poop in your butt? Nope. Yes, yes, yes. I did. Maybe your body's evolved.

I sat there like one of those T-Rex. That old movie, Can't See Me. I just sat in my living room just perfectly still. Just been waiting for it and never – don't move. No sudden movements. The next few hours are going to be a wild ride. Turned out it was fine, but I should have just ordered food.

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So shout out to that. I mean, that's a business right there. 500,000 daily orders. I mean, I'm three of them, like guaranteed every single day. Right now you can get $15 off your delivery when you order, sorry, you get $10 off your delivery

when you order $15 or more on Grubhub. Just enter the promo code KFCRADIO. So a $15 order, $10 off any food on the Grubhub network delivered right to your door today. Enjoy the restaurants you love delivered to you by Grubhub when you go to Grubhub.com or you go to the Grubhub app and use the promo code KFCRADIO at checkout. Voicemails. Let's do them. What's up boys so yesterday trump gave a press conference

about uh the coronavirus and everything and one of the things that he said was they're currently working on a vaccine for it my question is what would they need to pay you to be the first tester, not knowing what the effects will be of the vaccine? I asked a friend at this at work, and he said nothing because he's experienced people, take experimental vaccines for other things, and they immediately get hives and allergic reactions and shit like that. So what would it take for you? I would take, well, give me 20 grand, I'll it take for you? I would take low. Give me 20 grand, I'll do it right now.

I don't care. But I want to hear your thoughts. Thanks, people. Hives? That's what we're talking about? I wake up with hives almost regularly. Like, regularly I wake up with panic hives. That's disgusting.

Yeah. Oh, it's my unconscious brain had watch out that thing is scary it's i mean i i've multiple times woken up in the night taking my house over the hospital panic attacks i wake up with hives regularly that's getting the that's might be sheets we're not really sure that's in a you know we're we're sussing that one out could be like like severe mental. Could be the chips in my bed. Not sure. Yeah, you need like an off switch for your brain.

I get hives a lot. Yeah. Very, very often. So I'm not worried about hives. Like sleep is actually when your brain goes like hyperactive. We need to just like turn you down. But it's weird because it doesn't go hyperactive. I don't do anything.

I never wake up. I don't remember it, but something's going on. Something's going on, yeah. So you're like, you'll do this for free. Yeah. I mean, I think what's worst case scenario, I get coronavirus. Which we've just gone through. There's too much coronavirus in the vaccine, so they got to dial that down.

Right. Yeah. Well, I don't know. Maybe worst case scenario is like something, you know, you die. What did they put in it? What could die? I don't know. How many people would die from experimental vaccines?

I feel like it's just like the vaccine. Get Jenny McCarthy on the line. Because by the time, oh, yeah, I could become autistic, which I obviously already am. I can't even look the fucking camera in the eye. Are you kidding me? I'm autistic. That was, folks, that was not like a podcast joke. That was so genuine.

He was just like scribbling, which I obviously already am. There are like five people in this office I can look in the eye. Yeah, dude, I'm autistic. I've worked with people for a decade and I can look at them there's so many autistic people here too they're not alone bro dude it's a lot of people on the spectrum my mom got me tested because she thought i was autistic and they said i'm not and that's bullshit um the uh actually no i'm retarded i forget i forget i got tested for one them. I don't think your mom thought you were retarded. Text her.

Say, Ma, did you think I was retarded? Motherfucker said, ah, ah. Holy shit. So, boy, we went on a ride on this one so what's your what's your number for the vaccine it's free obviously i mean you might as well get like 500 bucks out of it um yeah yeah no probably look there's a good chance by the time it gets to me it's gone through all the animals and everything like that like last i'm the humans are the last line of defense by the time it gets to me it's probably good it's not it's not like hey we just cooked this thing up why don't you have a

yeah yeah yeah but being the first human is probably always like a little bit of a of a risk yeah yeah sure but it's like all right we didn't kill the rat it didn't kill the monkey like you know it's time for this piece this bag of shit that's what polly said no she said no she said that she was tested for you to be retarded is it i feel like she's fucking with me because what are you talking about i'm like pretty sure she got what did you say to her i said i get tested for being retarded when i was a kid there's no way your mom down then i said or something like that. I'm just going to call her.

I'm dying. Ma, did you test me for being retarded? What are you talking about? I thought, I'm on the podcast right now. I thought, I thought I got tested being like autistic or retarded or something when I was a kid. First of all, autistic and retarded, no. I have no memory of that. Okay, I guess I just misremembered.

Oh, I hope so. I think someone took me to. I think one of your sisters took me to. One of my sisters took you to be there. I'm not asking that. I could have sworn someone not took me because I don't remember because I was too young but told me that I'd been

tested. Are you sure I wasn't tested for being autistic? Neither me or your aunt Kate would have done anything like that, and the other two are not touching. They do not have my permission. Okay, we got to the bottom of it. Alright, that's all I know.

Thank you, mother. Bye. Bye. I mean, it's not a full-blown no, I'll be honest. It could have been them. For some reason, I remember being tested. I remember being told I've been tested. I don't think that's something you make up. I feel like somewhere along the lines, they did.

Maybe they tested my sister? What was the test? I don't know. You don't remember it at all? No, that's what I just said. I remember being told I was tested. I don't remember the test. Your mom getting that text would be like,

what the fuck? No, you're not retarded. Well, we don't know. I haven't been tested, apparently. Meanwhile, my mom texted me and said, coronavirus is here. Wash your hands. Sing happy birthday twice. Yeah, that's like brush your teeth for two minutes.

I mean, it's impossible. I filmed myself doing it. It was like, Ma, what do you think? I got all day? Yeah, but if I did it, I would just do it like I used to count Mississippi. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. That's how just do it like i used to count mississippi like that's that's how i do it have you read the t have you read the t have you read it even that though doing the second round at that speed it's like this is way too long yeah people uh i mean the reason that i was having that conversation with josh wolf this motherfucker is appalled that I don't wash my hands. You send videos like that to people, and you're talking down to me for not washing my hands? Fuck off, Wolfe.

Piece of shit. What was the question? Oh, the question was the virus thing. Nope, the antivirus. Nope, the vaccine. Yeah, I'd do it. If they were like, we have a preliminary vaccine ready right now, and they could bring it to me, I wouldn't go wait in line.

I'd be like, I'm really dead. And by the way, if nothing goes wrong, not only do you have a little bit of gorilla in your pockets, but now you don't have coronavirus. You can go to fucking Europe. Go into Europe. I don't care about getting coronavirus. I really don't.

I'm not scared of getting coronavirus. At first, I didn't want to go and have everything be yeah but now now i realize i just don't want to get quarantined yeah i'm talking like quarantine like with other people like a bunch of strangers at the airport like quarantine quote unquote quarantine like i stay in my apartment fine deal done i love that quarantined like we're gonna put you inside of a crate on a cargo ship because like you're with a bunch of people who might be infected. But do you really think that's going to happen? Again, for me, where bad things always happen to me, yes. You, no. I think if I went to Europe right now,

I think I would get stuck on a plane that someone has it, and we would never get out. Yes, I do think that would happen. You don't think it would happen to me, though? No. All good things happen to you. You just transformed back to that kid with the choker. Yeah, like, I mean, when was the last time something bad happened to you?

I don't know. Nothing. Nothing bad has ever happened to you. Yeah, I showed you those two guys with their assholes inside out. Yeah, that was the worst thing that's happened to you. See, but that's why, like, bad things don't happen to me because I just don't register bad things. Okay. Let's flesh that out.

They actually said it this weekend, too. YP and Rudy, you are just easy. It's just easy. In order for bad things to happen to you, what happens when something bad happens? You, like, lose. You have to have something to lose. You have nothing to lose. It's true.

It's like you don't have worldly possessions. You don't have ego. You know, I mean, if something bad happened, you, like, lost your girlfriend, you would be upset by that. But other than her, like, you don't have anything that's like, oh, no. Nope. You don't have anything that's like, oh, no. You don't have bills to worry about. You don't have responsibility to worry about. I don't know if I've ever really explained it like this, but when I first saw the Bourne Supremacist, whatever, what's the first one?

Bourne Identity. Bourne Identity. You could be him? As a kid. I didn't want to be him. I wanted to be an asset. Yeah. I was like, that's the life right there. When the guys would just sit in an empty room and just get up with a bag and just move

on. You are so sad. I've basically done that. I achieved my childhood dreams. What are you talking about? I was like, that's so awesome. A dude just lives in an empty apartment and gets to go leave whenever he wants. That's great. See, that's what's weird is if you end up like that, like you just have a job, I work my job,

I don't get too emotionally attached, I don't get too high, I don't get too low. That's fine. But to aspire to be that when you're like eight is a problem. I just thought it was cool. That's pretty sick. You just hang out all day in an apartment. It started when I was even younger. Yeah, the coolest part of Jason Bourne is when he's just sitting in the apartment alone.

When the guy's trying to kill him is sitting there. When I was younger, I wanted to just live in my fucking tree house with my dolls. And then I was like, oh, wait. That's just an adult version of that. We are artistic. Something's going on. I don't know what it is. You got some sort of like phytosis or some some disease we're gonna name

after you i don't think so some some yeah it's autism yeah they already named it i was gonna take it like luke eric like asperger's you're the the bird you put the burg in asperger's um i uh yeah like when when bad things happen it's because people are stupid and take on too much responsibility in life you know you don't do that you don't do that it's like oh you can't get divorced if you don't get married true you can't like be a bad father if you don't have kids you can't like uh you can't like lose your job if you don't ever get really get a real one you can't uh you can't like you can't be bored about like you don't do anything when you never want to go out. I'm awesome.

Yeah. It's a freedom in your life that is just due to its simplicity. Yeah. I live very simple. Ignorance is bliss. I live exceptionally simple. It's very easy. It's very easy to do.

That's why you don't need the money for my Saturdays for the boys or any of that shit. You're just like, I'm good. I just do what I want. It was brought up. I need so little in life. The reason why he brought it up because it was like he asked me to put my seat up, and I put it in shotgun, and I put it all the way to the front. So my knees were up against the dashboard, And I had a backpack sitting next to me.

And then I had a big winter jacket shoved down there, too. And you're just like, I'm good. I could fit. I did a two-hour ride like that. I was fine. I never understand when people are like, I need more leg room. What do you mean? You're in the car.

How do you need more leg room? Well, I mean, in that specific instance, let's play that out. Like, people's legs, like, you want to be able to move them a little bit. They get stiff. Like they don't like they get uncomfortable. We fucking move them when we get up. Well, two hours is a long time. That's like stiff legs.

It's not that bad. I almost sometimes I think that you also have like the like Bruce Willis in Unbreakable. Like you don't feel things like you don't grow hair. You don't sweat. And I think you don't have like nerve endings uh that i definitely i definitely don't yeah like i could see you being like you know in like you could break a bone or like hurt something and be like i'm fine yeah well you talk about that for both times with broken bones i didn't go to hospital for three weeks yeah i think you're like a superhero i think i could be but like you're like from the boys like the that show where they they take a real look at what if there were superheroes in society.

There would be some that are on Times Square billboards and American heroes. And then there would be some who are like, what's my superpower? I can sit in a car for hours. I just choose not to use this. That's you. You're a mutant. Yeah. I actually would believe that.

I would believe I'm a mutant. Do you think that you're more evolved? Yeah, you're probably more evolved, actually. Probably. You just don't use it. Yeah. All this is accurate. That is probably the best diagnosis of me is that I'm some kind of mutant.

Yeah, the word superhero has a connotation that would be great. No, no, no. It's mutant. You are mutated. Correct. And the result is some pretty like cool things that you just choose to do nothing with. Yeah. Don't feel physical pain.

I do feel emotional pain, but just crush it down. I don't like to toot my own horn. My tolerance for physical pain is next level. Yeah? Very next level. Yeah? Very next level. Remember in Street Fighter when Blanca's getting, not Blanca, I forget, the fat guy? E-Honda? E-Honda is getting tortured, and they're like, how did you do that? He's like, I just put my mind somewhere else.

And the next time your mind goes out, tell it to bring back a pizza. And my mind just doesn't bring back pizzas. Yeah, I can see that. I've never seen John be like, ah, that hurts. hurts you got a stomach like a little bitch you throw up a lot but otherwise he's a superhero folks the uh you are like uh that's what happened this weekend when i fucking fell my helmet honestly when i got up erica was like running onto the ice and i was like your head like bounced off the ice a little baby we're just like am i supposed to be hurt should I start crying

don't you like have crippling back spasms occasionally I have back spasms yeah just that's it but that that makes me think

you guys were like I've never seen Johnny in a slightly amount of pain that's not so much pain that it's discomfort when I guess it's pain but it's like it doesn't hurt

it's just hot that makes me think if it happened to us we'd be like you know let's go to the emergency room. It's like hot and feels like my back's making a fist. So it's not really... It doesn't hurt. It's just like... You're uncomfortable, yeah.

Next voicemail. Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, I'd take the coronavirus. Vaccine. In a world where if you eat watermelon seeds a watermelon actually grows in your stomach well that's true do you think that women would make it so that before you had a baby uh before the woman had a baby the guy had to grow and birth a watermelon in his body and in this situation how many kids would you guys have and how do you think the world population would be different

if a man had to grow a watermelon? It's been a while since we've had an exceptionally stupid question. Here we go. First of all, he said in a world where if you eat watermelon seeds, a watermelon grows in your stomach. That's the world. That's what happens in this world don't be ridiculous so if that were the case if that were the case and women said like the only way i'm gonna get pregnant is at first you

have to give birth to this watermelon like i mean what would happen the world would cease to exist yeah i don't know who's the youngest person alive their last one to die yeah i mean i said that about birth like if there was if if men had to give birth and we were the same, like, we just all of a sudden had the ability to give birth. Because I feel like when women are able to give birth, they also have, like, a whole different psyche and a whole different, you know, set of, like, emotional whatever that makes them able to do it. If we had our same old makeup and then also had to give birth, we would just not do it. We would just absolutely not have one. The fate of humanity rests on your shoulders.

I don't think there's a single guy who would say they'd do it. That's why it's crazy when girls do it twice or three times. It's actually also true. It's funny because it's one of those things too where the male birth control pill is like, I don't know if it's to market yet, but it seems like it's getting there.

Yeah. And I feel like for years, guys have been, have said that, no, I'd take it. I'd take it. I'd take it. And now that it's almost there, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on a second. I don't know about that. Yeah.

You want me to take a pill that just makes my dick stop working? No. I'm going to skip it. Just keep doing the vagina one? Yeah. The ovaries one. It's one of those things where science called our bluff. Yep.

Oh, well, it's just for you. I'd take it. Well, I don't know if I would. Yeah, it's also like, okay. But we kind of call their bluff where it's like, well, we're just not going to use this. You know what I mean? It's like, great, but I'm not doing it.

No, I've just been lying for 15 years. I mean, I feel like if a girl was like, you know, heat of the moment, like, I'm only going to have sex with you if you take the pill. But I don't think it's a condom thing. I think it's like, you need to have it consistently.

Right, right, right. And every day I took that pill. See, because girls, this goes back to, because girls know that we're stupid and we'll forget, too. Like, I trust girls to take the pill because they're girls.

They're smart. They're responsible. All that shit. Like, if I had to take the pill because they're girls they're smart they're responsible all that shit like if i had to take the pill i'd be like oh shit i forgot and then i'd be like well it'll probably be okay anyway and i'd still you know what i mean i'd like i feel like girls don't trust us to be the ones to control the contraception but also i felt i feel like every single pill i'm taking is just uh an ax swing at a redwood yeah where my day this thing one day this thing will just kill it right see again girls don't is just an ax swing at a redwood. Yeah. Where my dick's just gone. The day this thing's gone. One day this thing will just kill it. Right. See, again, girls don't have to ever worry about performance.

So they're just like, yeah, something's happened inside of me. I don't know. Whatever. It's all good, though. Whereas guys would be like, well, this is going to definitely stop my dick from working altogether. 100%. And then it's my head. Yeah.

And it's not. I understand that it's not. It's like the same thing. Like a vasectomy to me feels like, you know, you went in there, you blew up the bridge. Now the cum can't get there anymore. But you didn't like stop my dick from working. This pill makes me feel like I'm just going to lose my ass. And you could tell me all the science.

I've made it very clear on this episode. Science I do not really believe in. It's like, no, like we tested it a million times. It doesn't affect you. Would you wear a patch patch i wouldn't do anything yeah other than vaginas vaginas fuck my dick yeah buddy that's that's about it i don't think i would do it is kind of crazy that uh i mean like i feel so bad for the girls girls when they're on the pill like it

fucks their shit up and then they're on it for like 20 years. You start when you're like 16, you have it until you're like 30, and then they come off of it. Their bodies get all fucked up and stuff, and we're just like, well, yeah, you gotta do the pill. You gotta do this. This is a given, right? It's a crazy expectation.

If there was a male birth control pill, and it was presented to me as, well, I'm stopping taking the pill, so you have to try to take yours, guess what I'd come back with? Fuck it, we'll have a kid then. Yeah, right? Guess what? Now you've got nine months. Now guess what?

We're only doing anal. One way or the other, I'm going to win here. What if it was a pill For your physical appearance What if you were going bald What if you were getting fat And there was a pill that like Re-grew your hair Not even like the shit we have now

Just like boom you'll have a great head of hair Bam you'll be skinny But like your dick won't work Would you do it then Oh well no I bet you would actually That's a great question Right now we're saying the ability to stop No. I feel like you would. I bet you would, actually. That's a great question.

Right now we're saying the ability to stop having kids is not worth the fucking up of my dick, right? So what is worth that? I'd have to see it, like see what I look like. Depends. Can the layers cover up? How fat? Can I layer up and cover up my fat? Huh?

Layer up with what? Like I do now. How much fatter am I than I am now? Put layers on you don't really talk about how fat I am. Got it. That's what you mean. You're fat enough that people are like – Right now you're not a fat person. We joke around you're a fat dumb bitch.

But when you're describing your body type, you're not fat. This would be people's first reaction. What does that guy look like? He's a fat person. You're fat enough that that's who you are. Yeah. I'd probably take it. Yeah.

And then just, cause then it is funny where it's like, cause then the reason why you're supposed to look good and all that shit is like theoretically, you know, to attract a mate and then you have sex and it's like, well now you can't do that. Well,

yeah, but I'd get off on people not getting to fuck me at that point. Cause I, you said it'd be hot. I had a six-pack. I had full head of hair. I'm hot. Guess what?

I'm going home and just fucking playing with my nipples and thinking about girls who don't get to fuck me. I'll get off that way. I was thinking this weekend about hot chicks who... I'd go... You'd become a girl. That's what girls... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Girls sit at home, super hot, being like, no, you'd become a girl like that's what girls girls sit at home super hot

being like no you can't fuck me yeah that's exactly I'd go to the bar right and I'd flirt I'd buy me free drinks right

shake my ass and then and maybe even I'll like go home with you and then be like no oh I wouldn't even go home with you I'd

that'd be I'd go home alone yeah I'd be like I'm going home see you later thank you very much Irish goodbye on these motherfuckers but that's what girls do and then

and then how funny is that they're they're thinking of me and me being like i know they're home thinking like what the fuck was that guy's deal why didn't he fuck me why didn't you hold me and i would be getting off to that that's for sure i i mean the reason that there's a lot of biological shit that goes on but part of the power of the pussy is how much we chase it and want it and then they withhold it and if we just stop chasing it their power would be lessened and if we flip the script

and we withhold it it becomes the power of the dick the power of the limp dick the power of the dick that doesn't work or the broken dick yeah if i if i went out every night knowing that like there's a no chance i go home with anybody and like it's just like i can't fuck probably be like the best version of myself absolutely 100 like when you like like it's when we talked about when when your girls like we're not having

sex tonight it's like a party you're fun you're happy you're easygoing you're drinking like there's no nerves there's no stress you're not worried about anything if you stop fucking you'd probably be great i've seen the future i know this night ends me alone playing with my nipples the nipples is just just an extra detail i did not need i've never even done i've never played my nipples but if my dick didn't work i'd start you have to try something out yeah it's just such a funny thought the idea of like god please don't do that well i just fucking got myself rock hard right now playing my nipples i'm gonna draw the line somewhere on this podcast we've watched things and said things and this is where that's where i am drawing the line. Just holding eye contact?

The rest of the podcast is just holding your nipples? God damn it. Just staring directly at you? I don't get that at all, by the way. Even just pretending. That does not feel good. I mean, not pinching it, but rubbing it. It's all right.

No. No. No. No. No. I just can't imagine that life of knowing of knowing that you're like hot enough to fuck all the time and and also knowing that you're gonna go out there and not do that it's gotta be a rush it's gotta be right like when i go and i truly fucking like dime girl like a 10

and she knows it she gets dolled up and she goes out and she knows everywhere she's walking guys are looking and wanting hitting on her trying to take her home and she knows everywhere she's walking, guys are looking and wanting, hitting on her, trying to take her home and you just know. That's better than sex. I'm not doing it with any of you and it's going to drive you all crazy. That is power like I could never comprehend. Yeah, that's absolutely better than sex. I mean, I guess it's got to

get there for a guy when you become, I mean, if you're really hot, I guess it's the same thing for a guy, but not really. But when you become like famous, when you become wealthy, whatever, and then the tables are turned and girls are chasing you. But I feel like most guys are like, yeah, fuck you. Right? Like, are rich and famous guys, like, are rich and famous guys as picky as, like, the hottest girls are? Still no, right?

Like, they're more picky than the average guy, but you're never attaining that level of girls where it's like, I'm not going to fuck you. I mean, if you have 100 women throwing themselves at you, then yeah, you're probably. But I think there are times where girls can have the cream of the crop, and they're just like, no, because I don't want to. I'm not into it. Whereas a guy is going to pick one of those. I think what needs to happen is you need to get me rich and famous, and I will test it out. Because I bet. You're the candidate to try it out.

I think it would be pretty... I think I'm going home to play with my nipples. Last goddamn voicemail so we can stop talking about Feidelberg's nipples is brought to you by Roan. Roan is the men's performance lifestyle and premium activewear brand that is engineered with unparalleled comfort and quality.

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and use the promo code KFC to get 20% off your purchase. So the URL is roan.com slash KFC, and then at checkout use the promo code KFC, and you'll get 20% off your first purchase. That's roan.com slash KFC, promo code KFC. and then at checkout, use the promo code KFC, and you'll get 20% off your first purchase. That's roan.com slash KFC, promo code KFC. Last one. KFC, Super Producer BC, what is up? Quick question for you guys.

I currently go to Pitt. I'm a student at Pitt, and I was walking back from class today, and it was fucking freezing. It was blistering cold, snow everywhere, and I was thinking, this sucks. I and it was fucking freezing my eyes blistering cold snow everywhere and I was thinking this sucks I wish it was warm but then I thought hey if it's really that hot and humid I also don't be making a walk with swamp ass chafing all that shit so my question for you guys is you had to choose between living somewhere that's blistering cold for 365 days a year or a place that's very humid and hot for 365 days a year, what would you choose and why?

No-brainer. Easy. Cold. No doubt. You can get colder. You can get hotter. You can't get colder. You can warm yourself up. You can put on more layers. First of all, straight up, clothing-wise, I think we both agree, you can get jackets and sweatshirts and sweaters and scarves

and all that shit. You layer it up. You get to wear fashionable shit, and you can stay warm. Also, there's an element of let's stay inside. It's good for team indoors. Sit by the fire and drink. Let's stay inside and watch TV. It's too cold to go outside. It's too dangerous.

It's snowing. The roads are bad. Hot weather is like everyone expects you to do shit and go out and go to the beach and go in the sun. It's like, why? This is the other extreme. Why don't we stay inside now for this too? The cold presents an us versus them locker room mentality. Yes.

And it's like we got to beat the cold by sticking inside by the fire, partying. Fuck that snow. Yeah. And the hot is like let's go. The hot is. The hot is like a super team. It's like let's go play with them. Yeah.

Let's go hang out with them. They're our guys. Fuck that. I have a friend who lives in San Diego now, and they were telling me, I just saw him last week, and they were like, the worst part is that in the summer when you wake up and you're like, oh, it's such a nice day, and you feel guilty about staying inside. It's every day. It's every single day.

I also don't get when, yeah, if we're talking like San Diego and it's like 72 and sunny, I get that that's perfect. But when it's like 90, 95 or whatever, and people are like, ohgo it's like 72 and like sunny like i get that that's perfect but when it's like 90 95 or whatever and people are like oh it's like a hot it's like a nice summer day it's like no this is a shitty this is like the extreme right like zero and a hundred are the extremes don't tell me it's like oh it's a beach day no why am i supposed to like this is awful it's hot i'm sweating i'm uncomfortable the sun. Why? Why? Stop putting summer on a pedestal. Yeah. It's an absolute no-brainer.

There's not even much to discuss. It's just, it's a summer. I mean, it's the winter. God, J-Man, I'm sorry. It's the cold weather. You take the cold weather every single time without fail. Let's get into our interviews. Plus, it makes your nipples hard.

God damn it. Interviews are Carson Kressley and finesse mitchell will start off with our boy carson uh is brought to you by mvmt now carson is going to explain to you all the things about being a fashionable male and that doesn't just mean you know let's go get gucci and prada doesn't just mean uh spend as much money as you possibly can. Movement watches have accessories. I think he actually even says at some point, get yourself a good watch. That's the hallmark of any good outfit is a nice watch, and that's what movement watches does.

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and get them now while the weather gets nice. You're going to be outside. You're going to be rocking the watch. You're going to be wearing the sunnies. Movement has every different color every different material every different style different bands different lenses different frames all of it so you can customize and get the look you want at the affordable price uh mvmt.com slash kfc carson kresley let's talk to him carson kresley's here everybody Hi, everybody. How are you? Are we live? Are we broadcasting? Not live, but we are.

We're doing a podcast, aren't we? Like the kids do. The youths. Wonderful. The youths of America. We've been looking forward to this. Thank you so much. I'm flattered.

Looking forward to isn't the right word. I've been ready. More than an NBA jam. I've been so... What do you think of the aesthetic in here? I think the entire office is a hellish walk down memory lane of doing Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Not that that was a bad memory, but we would go into places with a lot of Tabasco sauce and Sports Illustrated calendars that were framed. And grungy aquariums. So this is very –

Yeah, the aquarium is not a good look right now. It's taking me back. But the whole office is as though you've just... It's a post-collegiate bachelor pad vibe. Is that what you're going for? It's an adult purgatory, in a sense. It feels like it to me. I don't want to get religious, though.

You can fix pretty much all of our problems. But it also has a fun vibe, too. I don't want to diss it, because I do think it's on brand. It's fun. I mean, look at your logo. What do you think? I think it looks good. I think it's a logo.

It's accurate. Your hair is beautifully rendered in the cartoon drawing. What does KFC stand for? going to be a compliment on that hair it was actually a compliment on the drawing those are my initials so when I first started blogging I needed to have an anonymous vibe to it so I saw Kevin Francis Clancy

and then I was expecting chicken I'm sure you've heard that nugget before I would love to change the name of this show. You want to change the name of the show? You want to give it a new name? Yeah.

How about at the end? We'll talk. I'll think I have it already. Yeah? Bro Radio. Just all one word. You know what's funny is that I can understand why you think that, but actual bros don't think that we are like,

we're like the queer eye for the straight guys of the bros. Oh, you are? Yeah, like we get made fun of. Like when everyone's always talking about being like alpha and macho. Right. No, no, no. We're the beta boys. We're like – we're not that.

I hear you. Preaching to the choir. That's great that you're out there spreading the good word. Big time beta. You have cute pants on, so you must know. Do you understand the power you have? When you walk around the street, do you know people fear me? I don't think they fear me.

He's been thinking about this outfit for... I tweeted on Monday that it was messing up my whole week. Well, if you've been working on this since Monday, then it's not as good as I thought. What's on the inside-out sweatshirt? This has been a point of discussion. I don't love that myself. You don't? I honestly like it.

I thought it looked nice. It's your personal twist. Yeah. It's a little, I don't know. The pants are cute. Thank you very much. An oversized tartan tweed. It's a cute look.

It's very good. But you have to know, when people know I'm coming, they're trying. Right? That must be a nice feeling. Sometimes. But also like the flip side of like there's the scary like, oh, he's going to hit my outfit and be mean to me. The other part is that.

Definitely. Definitely that. The thing that I get to do that's fun is I could see somebody and be like, oh my gosh, you look great today. I love your lashes or whatever or your shoes. And there's a great, you can do a lot of good deeds and create a lot of like good karma and just good vibes by complimenting somebody.

Your compliment carries a lot more weight than the average compliment. Well, I try to be complimented. Because you're a judgmental son of a bitch. Not really. I mean, I do sometimes on the inside, but I very rarely share it when I'm not getting paid, like when it's not your job to be like,

those shoes are terrible. If I'm not actually engaged in a makeover show at the time, I usually keep it to myself. You actually, I'm just remembering this now, did a makeover for my high school basketball coach. Oh, in Sleepy Hollow? No, Pelham, New York. I remember that.

And did we go to a basketball game? The only thing I remember from it... Was he like a single dad? No, heham, New York. I remember that. And did we go to a basketball game? The only thing I remember from it. Was he like a single dad? No, he was married. He was a shorter gentleman, phallically disabled. Challenge. You're describing every man in the show. I remember that.

I think we actually went to a game or something. The one thing that I do remember is he was setting up some romantic dinner, and he was making a fire at the time. Right. And he ended up wiping romantic like dinner and he was uh making a fire at the time right he ended up like wiping his forehead and he got like soot like all over his face no that was always the best part of the show because it was like the keystone cops like they would have to like like make a kebab but someone would slice a finger off we're like that's hysterical he's messing up terribly and the emergency room that's kind of rude great episode

great episode but yeah those were always the best parts of the show well I feel we said I think where was this

high school Pelham New York it's Westchester New York I know Pelham it's like the very first suburb outside the city just north of the Bronx yeah

I've been run away with on a horse in that park isn't there like a Pelham Bay Park or something I've been run away with on a horse too what yep when Isn't there like a Pelham Bay Park or something? I've been run away with on a horse too. What? Yep, when I was about six years old. I think it was my little sister's second birthday. Right. So we went

horseback riding and I, for some reason, threw a tantrum. I don't know. I'm from Massachusetts, so somewhere around there. And Weston Mass, maybe out by Chickapee. No, I'm from the Southeastern Mass. I would guess like Westport area. So I thought you were going to say Westport. Okay, no, but the,

I guess I probably threw a tantrum of some sort and demanded my horse. I need a bigger pony and I want it now. Yeah. And was granted my own horse. And very quickly, they were like, here you fucking go. You want a little horse for yourself?

And then you get on Diablo. He ran, he ran all the way back. Right. Just right into his stall. Right. And I couldn't get off the horse. I sat there in the stall as bugs were swarming all over me.

Really an awful experience. At least you have all your appendages. Usually when that happens, something gets clipped off. I don't know how I wouldn't fall. I must have been strapped into the saddle. Have you been riding since? I have never been back. Talking to my therapist about it now. We'll get you back on the saddle. And have you been riding since? I have never been back. No. No. I'm sorry.

Talking to my therapist about it now. We'll get back. We'll get you back on the horse. That's my specialty. I don't do sports of any kind, but I do, I do, I am a good rider

of horses. I was going to say. You were, that was, you've done a question for a while, right? I have since I was a little kid. Yeah.

How do you get into it as a little kid? Your family needs to probably be into it. So my grandparents had a big horse farm. You've got to be rich. No, not really. They were very middle class. And they just made sure that we always had horses growing up, and I've always had horses since I was a kid.

How many do you have now? I have about seven. Oh, buddy. I have a farm now. You're going well, Carter. I have a farm. I have a farm. Still spending that Queer Eye money for the first round. Let's go. Oh, my gosh. You do everything, though. That have a farm. You're going wild, Carter. I have a farm. I have a farm. Still spending that Queer Eye money for the first round.

Let's go. Oh, my gosh. You do everything, though. That Diet Pepsi money. Yeah. You have it all, though. I mean, you've done style stuff, interior decorating. I have.

You've done books. You've done TV. I have. All of it. You're one of those overachievers, you know? You know, I try to stay busy. Apparently, yeah. You know, it's showbiz.

You never know. You know what we need? We need to, like, flip it. Okay. And we'll teach you how to live the lazy, fat, straight, boring- That's a great idea. Comedy Central did that. Yeah?

Did that work? During the first season of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, they did Straight Eye for the Queer Guy. We'll teach you how to sit on the couch and be a bag of shit real quick. And can you teach me how to burp? And say things like, bro, that was the worst shot ever! What the?

Yeah, there you go. You're picking up. You call that rhythmic gymnastics? Which one would you say is your passion? If you had to, because you've had, I would say before you came in that you could just fix everything, obviously. I i mean you're famous for fixing things but between

clear eyes your greatest challenge um you know how to look good naked right that was right yeah that was me which is what i've always said that's really the goal i guess i'm not very unique in that right but i always said it just takes a box of wine and a dimmer switch there you go and they're like no it's the whole show i'm like okay you want to hire me to do all that stuff. You're good to go. Yeah. What would I do? I mean,

I love, I love styling people because it is very, very empowering. And I think more than redesigning your home or like your job or the car you drive or anything, clothes are so personal and intimate because you're wearing them all day long. It's the first thing you put on.

It affects how you physically feel about yourself. I enjoy helping educate people that if you do this and this and this, you can improve your life vastly just by the clothes you choose to put on in the morning. Isn't it crazy that they're magic? They are magic.

When you're wearing something nice, such as my pants today, as Carson pointed out, you just feel better. It sounds crazy, I think, to, I guess, regular people. But even though you know when you're wearing something nice, you just feel better. Everybody feels a little better. Like if you have to get dressed up for something, you have a suit. Or if you put a tuxedo on and you're a guy, I feel like Brad Pitt

but with worse hair. And then the pictures come out the next day, though, and you're like, son of a bitch. In my head, I look way different than that. Well, that's when I facetune the shit out of them. Reshape my head and my nostrils and pinch my waist in.

Do you ever just mail it in? Are you always dressed to the nines? Oh, there are times when I do look terrible. When you're out in public, though? No. If you're leaving the house, you're in your – If I'm leaving the house, I'm not always dressed up, though. The rule of looking great, I think, and my mom was kind of the first person who instilled that.

Looking good is about wearing the right clothes for the right venue so if you're going to clean out your basement obviously you're not going to be wearing a tweed suit but you could wear cute sweats or whatever that's for that job if you're going to a job interview then you wear a certain thing if you're going on a date you wear a certain thing so really knowing what to wear when is the key to looking good

so I'm not always dressed up so it hasn't been something of a gift and a curse? Because you have the gift where you walk around with the royal sword, where you can knight people when you say again, John, nice pants. What kind of show is this? The royal sword.

But you must feel pressure sometimes. When you go out. Yeah, I do a little bit, but I try to just as I've gotten older too, I feel like there's a wardrobe. I just literally today have been purging my closet. If your closet's not organized and your checkbook isn't balanced, your life is not organized. What's up?

Right? Holla. Can I get a hallelujah? Ultimately, you just find that you should be like actually whittling down like I'm whittling down my wardrobe

to less but better and it's just I'm just acquiring shitty t-shirts yeah I have I have drawers of them from like

2001 I try to do the purge and I want to get rid of them but they're so sentimental yeah or I'm like well I just bought this and it's like it's still in good shape

it would be a waste. You have to use it. You must get so much free stuff too. You know, you do and you don't. I mean, it's not like Gucci's calling me. I'm like, what do you want? But I do get a lot of things, which is a nice perk and you get to try things out.

So that is good. But to my point about like, are you sometimes schlubby? You have like black track pants and like a black shirt everybody looks good in that, looks pulled together for some reason so that is my schlubby look and then I have my work look your schlubby look is my go-to look but eventually you find that

especially when you get older you just want to kind of have a uniform and it makes things very very easy so we have a guy here, his name is Trent he's from Iowa even he would probably say stereotypically midwest type of right he wears a black uh crew neck and khaki pants every every day that he has he has like a thousand black shirts and a thousand pair of khakis and he never has to think about it right and he's kind of steve jobs zuckerberg yes yes right well there's steve jobs who wears that and there's um uh michael kors basically wears like

white jeans and like a blue turtleneck always and there's something about always wears a black suit with a white shirt like i feel like they have the same confidence though like like if the idea is to dress so that you feel good i think he's like i'm I'm wearing my thing. I mean it's not glamorous. Maybe you're not going to love it, but I'm going to be like comfortable in it. If that works for you, I think especially in this era of everyone finally being allowed to embrace like who they really are, I think we should support that. And if it makes you feel confident and puts a little spring in your step and allows you to focus on – especially a work look. If it allows you to get up and be focused on work and not have this extra worry in the morning,

then that's great. I mean. The boredom must. I went to college in Florida, and it was. Which one? Florida State, where all the smart kids go. Is that in Tampa? No, Tallahassee.

Tallahassee, even better. Tallahassee. Wow, the panhandle. Such a shit city. Do you all know how Tallahassee. Tallahassee. Tallahassee. Tallahassee. Wow, the panhandle. Such a shit city. Do you all know how Tallahassee came to be? They couldn't decide whether the capital of Florida should be Jacksonville or Panama, so they said, let's just split it. And it's 350 miles between both, and they just built a city there and put a school there.

Well, it is the Paris of the panhandle, they say. It was so frustrating going there, because I went to boarding school, so I always got to change dress a lot there. Okay, now we're getting fancy. When I was at Exeter, some of the other boys were wearing cricket sweaters, and they made fun of mine. I felt so bad, Carson. It wasn't a uniform. You had a school dress code, but you can mess with it with tie and pants. I like doing that, and I like doing it now.

Because you like clothes. I like clothes a lot. Yeah, I can tell. But in Florida, it was just shorts and a t-shirt every day, so that killed me. It wasn't even the same color shorts or shirt, but it's still just, okay, this is all I can wear today. Sucked. So I would be— Because of the heat or because there was some rule?

Because I couldn't have fun with my clothes. Right, because there weren't the layers. Right, you need the layers. Layers create richness, I agree. Warm weather clothes. I like that one. Layers create richness? Yeah.

I don't know if you want to frame that. Can I get it written down and tattooed on my body? Nothing says sports radio like layers create richness. You will. He'll get that tattooed on him. Yes, please. Don't tempt him. He'll do it.ed on him. Yes, please. Don't tempt him. He'll do it.

Something in old English script, I believe. On my stomach like Tupac's thug life. Something they would like back at boarding school. Warm weather clothes. For us, for guys. I love summer, so I can deal with it. You want to put some jackets on, a sweater, a scarf. This is a great tip um and i

have no affiliation with these people but there are places like suit supply that make like these summer weight jackets that basically have no lining and they're like a breathable like almost like an open weave like linen and you can still wear a jacket maybe with a t-shirt and white jeans and still look amazing even in summer i would would look great in that. I can see. Yeah, you would. I got a question for you. I'm actually planning a vacation to Europe right now. Oh, fantastic. I was like, I can't wait to just get dressed in London.

Right. What's your favorite city to stun? Oh, gosh. In Europe? Or anywhere. I would say Florence from a fashion perspective because they have a Prada outlet. It's at the factory. It's as big as an airport.

Holy shit. And they have absolutely everything for like – it's still not like – I wasn't like blown away by their low, low prices. But it's still better, and you have the idea that you just bought this like literally at the factory. Yeah, yeah. And then also outside of Florence, there's a place called The Mall. Not the best name, but it's also like, they have a Gucci that's the size of a freestanding Macy's.

The Macy's that's at the Woodbridge Mall, basically. Slap Gucci on the outside. That's their outlet. I was in there for days. What brand is slumming it for you? I'm not really a brand snob, i love you know my life and the way i dress and the way i decorate and the way i live is very high low so i'm happy

to have an in-and-out burger or like uh shake shack or go to the polo bar like i love all of that if it's time for you to go out and i give you an Express outfit, are you going to be like, oh, God. There are items. Express makes, I know, all the landscapes. I'm a retail enthusiast. I go shopping every day. Really? I don't buy something every day, but I do see what's out there. Express makes a fantastic button-down in a stretch fabric.

Yeah, I mean, that's always their thing. That if you're athletic like I am, you know, if you do Pilates, they make a great stretch button-down shirt. I have them in black and in white and they're fantastic. I don't know what

they're made out of. They're indestructible. They come out of the washing machine looking exactly the same. So they're great for travel. So I'll mix it up. What about Joseph A. Banks

buy one suit, get like nine free? I will not do that. All right, so we found the limit. Yeah, limit yeah they once ran a deal it was buy one get seven free and you got an android phone i don't need all that i don't need all that why would anybody do this buy a tie and get a kia sofia um i i'm sure they have some wonderful product it's just like i don't buy that many suits so So I will just, I'll either do like a suit supply, something,

which is what I'm wearing now, or J crew. If it's like not super dressy and then I'll invest in like something really good for like a suit suit. Do you have like your own brand? I feel like that should be like the next day. I've done collections for women at places like QVC and shop NBC and Evine.

The men's market is really tough and I feel like people do it so well that you'd really have to have a reason to enter a market that I think is pretty well represented. Yeah, I think so. I would like to do a swimwear line. I loved your travel question because I do love traveling. That's also on my Instagram profile, at Carson Kressley. You can see it says world traveler or travel addict, I believe. I love

vacation clothes. I love swimsuits and terrycloth shirts. Then I also like skiing stuff and ski jackets. I would like to work in that space. You know what I'd like you to invent? A bag that somehow shrinks winter clothes.

In the past two weeks, I think that's already been invented. It was like vacuum sealed. One where I don't have to do any work. Magic. Invent magic. Let me call the Space Force and I'll get back to you. The last two weekends,

one weekend I went to New Hampshire, one weekend I went to Aruba. And Aruba, I just took a backpack. Got on the plane and took a backpack. And then New Hampshire, I had three different bags, and I was there for literally one night. Why? Because you had bulky sweaters? Yeah, sweaters. He's also, you're like a packaholic.

Right. Clothing is really hard to deal with. It's awful. But a packable, lightweight down jacket, those are good because those squish down in your bag to almost nothing. I travel with this everywhere. It's down. It's Altea. I don't know where I got it. Probably at Nordstrom maybe.

What would be the one – let's say you got a limited budget, clueless guy out there when it comes to fashion needs, uh, like a, uh, just the first step or whatever. First step. I mean, there's, there's key things that guys wear all the time.

I think that, um, we all live in jeans. So get great jeans. Don't get dad jeans. Um, find out who makes a great gene that works for your body type. And it could be rag and bone.

It could be Joe's jeans. It could be, um, it could be Levi's. It does not have to be designer it could be from uniglow or zara or h&m jeans are like kind of the cornerstone for most guys wardrobe so that's great a good shoe nothing kills an outfit faster than like a plastic pvc looking terrible like little dance shoe so i think having a shoe, a pair of black and a pair of brown,

and it could be a Chelsea boot that is a little bit more versatile. I think Chelsea boots, I think, I'm going to interrupt you real quick. Yes, please. Tell you a thing or two about fashion. Oh, please.

Let me buckle up. I think Chelsea boots have jumped the shark. I think they've become the outfit of the, oh, never mind. Oh, really? Isn't it, I think they call them brunch boys now, where it's like what kind of a... You're actually coming into our world now,

because the bros are like, oh, I wear Chelsea boots. It's only with a distressed jean or something like that, where it's an outfit that... A distressed jean, a Chelsea boot, and a white V-neck is just like what a fuckboy would wear. That's a brunch. Obviously, what you wear is completely different.

And they probably have some kind of felt hat hat on that's exactly what it is yeah i didn't want to bring that up because i have one but and said hat is the only hat in their repertoire and they wear said hat to every brunch yeah i've been there can i that was me in 2018 i'm becoming deeply angered and i must share something that um one of my pet peeves. So the hipster hat. I love it. I love a hat. I think it's fun. I don't have the greatest hair. It's a lifesaver occasionally.

But there are... Thank you. There are reasons why you wear certain things. There are rules. And I like to break the rules, but you have to know why the rules are the rules. And when I see a hipster wearing like a... Usually those felt hats are made out of beaver fur. rules, and I like to break the rules, but you have to know why the rules are the rules. And when I see a hipster wearing like a, usually those felt hats are made out of beaver fur

and you turn it into felt and you smush down the hair and it turns into like a solid thing and that creates a felt hat. That's made for cold weather. Beaver fur is pretty warm. So it's keeping in all that heat. So I'll see guys wearing these like in August. I'm like, dude, you must be wearing a straw

version of that like a Panama or something woven you're describing me to a tee oh I did exactly that the hat thing was perfect for him this is him to a tee also he went shopping for a hat

grabbed it went to the register turned out to be what like five it was four hundred dollars four hundred dollars no not expecting that no but i was just like i'm not committed but you know once i get to a register i'm there yeah yeah i don't want her to think i'm poor no no yeah i'm gonna overdraft on this purchase i would buy that and have someone discreetly return it the next day but instead what he did he wore it every single goddamn day for about nine months just to prove a point. Well, then you amortized it.

Yeah, there you go. Your money's worth. $7 a day. But was it felt? Yes, absolutely. So hot. And you wore it in the summer. I sweat like a son of a bitch, Carson. I was dripping every day in the office. See, we need to get you a nice Panama version. Those can be very expensive, too.

But you can find an inexpensive one like a J.Crew or something. But just listeners, there's a reason why you wear like a felt hat. That's for winter. It's made out of fur essentially. And a straw is for summer. And they're both great, but wear them at the right time.

Do not have seasonal dyslexia. Yeah. All right. It's a problem that all men, I think, suffer from. Yeah. That goes back to wearing the right thing at the right time and place. I have one more question before we talk about RuPaul. It's one more fashion question.

Of course. I just read a fantastic article on Larry David in GQ. And I guess his father was – he worked in fashion. I forget exactly what he did. Wait, a Jew working in fashion? What? So he has an eye for it, which you wouldn't really think if you watch Curb and all that, but he chooses all the

wardrobe and all that so he can keep it. But he had a line that I loved where he said, you always have to be wearing one nice thing, but you can only be wearing one nice thing because anything more than that is overdoing it. Really? That's exactly how I dress. I have a nice pair of pants and then an inside-out sweatshirt. Yeah, I think you're killing it.

Thank you. Do we like that outlook? I don't think that's a bad outlook. You got the handshake back there. I think it also goes back to that like a more modern take on that would be like you want to kind of wear things that are a mix and kind of do high low because that's how we live today

we have like a high end hamburger like in a restaurant that used to serve like filet mignon like we love a high low burger moment same thing like I might do a nice suit from J.Crew but like the sweater might be from Uniqlo, and I'm going to replace them every season or two.

But I think you can have more than one nice thing. I think you can have one showstopper. That was the other line. You always have one thing that says fuck you, right? A great watch or something, and then the rest can be pared down. I say for most guys, have a good watch, good shoes, and a good belt,

and you can wear almost anything. See, that's a good piece of advice. Right. That's something I think that people – anybody can take that on. Right. You can wear jeans and a white t-shirt, a great watch, a great belt, and a great loafer or something. You'll look really – And also –

Great. And this is huge. Okay. Be hot. Be skinny. Be hot. Be hot. Have abs.

Be rich. Have a job. That's the secret. I mean, be hot. Have abs. Be rich. Have a job. That's the secret. I mean, I have very low standards. You know what? You don't need to have a job. I do well enough. You're good.

Just be hot. So we're working with RuPaul now? Yes, we're launching season 12 of RuPaul's Drag Race on VH1 this Friday, the 28th at 8 p.m. I knew it was thriving. I didn't know season 12. Yeah. That's a big competition level. It is, but it's also been a slow build.

It was not like the international juggernaut that it is now. It took a long time. We're so grateful that networks like Logo and VH1 and CBS, Viacom, believed in the show and allowed it to grow. And the audience has gotten bigger and bigger and bigger. It used to be very much like a gay cult thing that only the gays were watching at home and then in bars. And then pretty soon, young teenage girls were like, oh my gosh, we can learn how to do makeup on this show.

And they're into it. And now that it's on VH1, it's become quite mainstream. And I literally run into little old ladies and they're like, I love you on the RuPaul. I'm like, thank you. Now I have a question and I don't know the drag community that well, but I look

on Reddit a lot. Just like the front page of Reddit. I'm never on that. Apparently you're killing it on Reddit though. The RuPaul, the R slash RuPaul is always towards the top of the front page. Yeah. I think of Reddit as people like me, like fat little guys in a basement. I don't know what Reddit is about.

It sounds like – It scares me. I don't know. It sounds very like 2007. It's very basic to set up. It sounds like MySpace. Yeah. It has not progressed at all.

Is it like a chat board? Kind of like a forum, like a message forum. I really just use it time-waster. I just go to the front, just go to red.com and there are memes and stuff like that.

You kind of just mindlessly scroll as you do with everything. Try this new thing called Instagram. I think you're going to like it. Instagram still hasn't grabbed me. I'm still liking it. We're not hot. Well, no, I don't need

personally for me. We don't have great calls like him. I never know who to follow. I don't. Right. I don't have great clothes like him. I never know who to follow. I don't know. I try to use it. I get bored of the pretty girls. This is a bigger discussion we can all stop, Carson. John, that's why we had him coming.

I get it. You're in a bikini. Mine's the same, but it's Brazilian guy. Holding a coconut drink, wearing a bikini, but having a 72 pack. I'm just like, wearing a bikini, but having a 72-pack. And I'm just like, oh, once you follow one, I've got to follow Rodrigo's friend,

Julio. It is dangerous once you get the suggested. No, it almost looks like porn. What? It can look like porn. You're at your feet, and you're on an airplane, and people are looking over your shoulder. I'm like, no, you're on an airplane and people are looking over your shoulder.

I'm like, no, that's a bikini. Especially when you're also following porn stars. It starts to look a lot like porn, Carson. Yeah, that can happen. That can happen. Suggested for you on all sorts of sites and apps is the most... You're looking at yourself in the mirror on those moments.

It's a black hole. When the artificial intelligence churn turns this out for you, it's like, and you know that they're right. My most fun thing is like when LinkedIn, I don't know why I'm on that. Yeah, I don't think you are. I am. Are you out here looking for jobs on LinkedIn?

It gets into your phone book, and then it sends you a message saying like, Darlene Johnson's wanting to connect with you. I was like, oh my God, she runs QVC. She probably wants to hire me. But it's just because she's in my phone book from like 10 years ago. And then I go on and I message her and she's like, I didn't want to talk to you because it was all just generated by the LinkedIn supposedly.

But I am on there. And every once in a while, it tells you what jobs you'd be good for. Like there's openings. Oh, really? You don't need any more jobs. Do you believe it? It's jobs you'd be good for. Like there's openings. Oh, really? You don't need any more jobs. Do you believe it? It's like data entry clerk for Gucci. I'm like, I could do that.

And then some are like, you know, nuclear cardiologist. I was like, why do you think I could do that? What? Yeah. They're all over the place. I think you could do anything. You have done everything. Yeah.

I mean, I would. I don't think you'd want me to be your nuclear cardiologist. Maybe not that, but I could see you being like, I'd hire you as my lawyer. I'm pretty good. I've seen Legally Blonde seven times. I could see you talking your way out of whatever jam on there. I object. You're on there.

There you go. There you go. So, I mean, 12 seasons. 12 seasons of Drag Race. We have an exceptional season this year. Get sick of anybody yet? I feel like, come on. You got to hate RuPaul by now, right? No, no, no. It's all good. We have a drag race. We have an exceptional season this year. Get sick of anybody yet? I feel like, come on. You got to hate RuPaul by now.

No, no, no. It's all good. We have a great time. I get to go to like a studio, which looks like a nightclub, wear a cute outfit and watch drag queens do death drops. Like it's kind of an amazing job. It's where like they can either do it from an elevated situation or just from where they're standing.

All of a sudden they just drop to the ground um google death drop sometime and you'll be endlessly entertained now we we can also break your leg doing it we i think we probably would have what would be considered like the the straight stereotypical opposite of that where we work with we're in sports and partying and girls and all that right but we have always said that a job kind of becomes a job. And a lot of people think that what we do is a dream job. And it is in a sense, but 10 years in, we're kind of just like, this is what we do. Are you ever like, oh, death drop. Okay, yeah.

Like clamor. Oh, splitter. Yeah. No. You're still loving it every day? Yeah, because every season we get a fresh batch of contestants from all over. And we have such a diverse group of contestants this season on the show from North Carolina and France and just all over the U.S. And they're just really, really interesting. And why the show, I think, has been so popular is that besides all the sparkles and death drops and makeup and all that, it's about – kind of about underdogs who are like finally having a light shined on what they do.

I mean being a drag queen is not easy. When you're from Ramsor, North Carolina, and you think you might literally be like thrown in a car and taken somewhere. On your way to work, people still have, you know, there's still a lot of bias. So to shine a spotlight on them and allow them to actually just be who they want to be and entertain and live their dream, it's a very

powerful moment to watch that journey on television. So I think that's why people love the show because of all that heart and celebrating the underdog. I feel like you probably have been at the forefront of, well, what's the word? I mean, you just said,

you were just alluding to how it's going mainstream. Right, right. From Queer Eye now through, you know, the Drag Queen. Next on a very special KFC radio show. It feels though that like, you know, you've been a big part of that becoming much more normal for people in certain places of the country that might not have ever.

Right. Yeah. I think that visibility is so important. Every era has their people who are like, wow, I didn't know. I didn't. When little kids see someone that reminds them of themselves or is like them on TV, it's not just like, wow, they're on TV. How cool. It's just it's wow. They exist. I didn't think there was anyone like them on TV. It's not just like, wow, they're on TV. How cool. It's just, it's wow, they exist.

I didn't think there was anyone like me. So I've heard those stories from gay people growing up who said, you know, I watched Queer Life of the Straight Guy with my family. My mom and dad were like laughing and loved you guys and said, isn't that Carson great? And it gave them the confidence to say, I'm actually gay and have that conversation. Yeah. Yeah. I get goosebumps every time.

Yeah. And I'll get like notes on a plane. Like you made my life easier. You made my life better. Like it's amazing. Yeah. We were just trying, I was just trying to eradicate mullets. You know, like that wasn't, I was like, I'm going to help gay kids.

But just that is the power of being in media and just when people see themselves, they say, oh, I'm not alone and I can be successful. I can be happy. I can thrive. And we've seen that through the ages with all different kinds of people. And now drag is also getting that spotlight and becoming mainstream because it was a very cloistered art form that unless you were a gay person you were going to gay clubs you probably weren't going to see it yeah um so that's you know that's one of the amazing things culturally um that the show has has uh allowed to happen yeah i mean it's invaded reddit so it's always like oh some queen was on reddit just talking smack about so-and- so and I'm just like

I have got to get this Reddit but I never do see I didn't know that it happened on the show they talk about that oh like the queens

are all like on Reddit it's crazy every time I would just if we were making a Venn diagram I would have

you know RuPaul fans and Redditors that's far apart very different and for some reason you're huge on there right yeah I don't know why keep it And for some reason, you're huge on there. Right.

Yeah. I don't know why. Keep it moving, man. Keep it going. You're doing something right. Well, it's incredible to watch what you're doing, and congratulations on it. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me.

You guys are delightful. Thanks for complimenting his pants, because we would have been hearing about that for a long time. Such good interviewers. You're very easy breezy, and that really makes for a good interview. It's because you're a good interviewee. And nice Chelsea boots, Carson. It takes three to tango. Carson, after we finished up the interview, he went and checked out Dana's mullet.

And I think he was being polite. He said you can pull it off, but I'm pretty sure you want it too. I almost think telling someone they can pull off a mullet is meaner than saying something good. Yeah, it's like, oh, you fit this white trash profile. Yeah, it works. There you go. Yeah, keep it. Keep it.

That's what you need in your life. All right, let's talk to Finesse Mitchell now. Now, he showed up even more dapper than Carson, like three-piece suit on, talking about all the women he's run through and the parties he hung out at and all the celebrities he rolls with. And he plays the part well. I can see that. I can definitely see it.

And, I mean, just the name, the name alone, the story of where Finesse came from. Once you get given the nickname Finesse, I feel like you have no choice but to live a lifestyle. That was very interesting. I like that, yeah. So learn about Finesse and where it came from now here on KFC Radio. Finesse Mitchell is in the building looking sharp as fuck, man.

Overdressed for here. I don't know what else you got on your schedule today, but certainly overdressed. But I'm not overdressed for life. Okay. You know what I mean? I like that finesse. You go through life looking the way you want people to treat you. I got an inside sweatshirt on right now.

What does that say? It's saying that you got an EBT card and, you know, tramp stamp. Your butt cracked. If I flip the sweatshirt inside out, it says self-doubt on the front. Does that make it better or worse? No, self-doubt. Jesus, what is going on in your life? You are on a roll today.

And look at your pants. My pants are fancy as hell, Finesse. Did you get dressed in the dark? Get out of here. I look fantastic. We got a guy coming in tonight later, Carson Kressley from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Okay. And I've been planning this outfit for a week.

So this isn't something just thrown together. Do you want the inside out? He's about to roast your ass. Wow. Wow. He is about to roast your ass the only way a gay guy can do it, too. Quick and sharp. Yeah, and painful.

It's like a six-year-old. A six-year-old just knows what to say. And if he starts with honey, he starts with that, you ain't going to like nothing else after that. Honey, let me tell you. He's going to go in. What's up, fellas?

Now, educate me on KFC. We've been doing this for... I was going to have some rice. Some chicken, right? That name's not great. It's just my initials. It's just kind of out there already. You know what I mean? I was going to have some chicken. That name's not great. It's just my initials. It's just kind of out there already. I started the podcast like eight years ago.

I didn't have a name for it. My moniker on the website was KFC, so I just said KFC Radio. Then it grew from there, and now it's too late to change it because that's the name that everybody knows. It's a very confusing name. It's a terrible name. Basically, we have this conversation to start every interview like like well this isn't at a fucking restaurant that i have to do this at a stupid we should just start getting child

fucking chicken i mean it's like if you come here you get some chicken i'm just saying even john amos was smart enough to call it mcdowell he didn't just call it mcdonald's he changed it a little bit you know what i'm saying switch it up well i'm still I'm still hoping that Kentucky Fried Chicken will come and cut a check eventually. It's getting obnoxious. Or send you a cease and desist. One of the other. I actually get whenever people are complaining on Twitter about KFC, like the cleanliness or the service or whatever, they always tag me on it thinking that I'm a part of it.

And it's always people from India and all over the world. It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. A funeral for a bird is a whole thing. Like Lorne Michaels say, as long as they're talking about you, that's all that matters. When Lorne Michaels speaks, I listen. He knows

what's up. You did a few seasons on SNL, right? I did three. I did three great, long seasons and the nightlife was just amazing. time my age when i was up here in new york was great my house on 42nd street or whatever my apartment uh between 11th and 12th on the west side highway i was just like it was a nice place bro it was so nice but it was it was probably like a little bit it was probably like this size with a bedroom.

Yeah, and a kitchen and a bathroom. And a bathroom. But it wasn't big. But everything was new in it. And it was nice. And girls would come to my building, One River Place. I'll never forget it. Oh, you fancy.

And my doorman would just be like, you here to see finesse, don't you? You pretty. So that must mean you here to see Finesse. As far as things for like, my doorman would say it's like a delivery man. He'd be like, ah, you're here to see John, I bet, aren't you? You're the fat guy upstairs, huh? My doorman would fuck me up.

You was pretty here yesterday, weren't you? No. He'd be like, hey, what are you doing? All right, so what was the better nightlife? Because something I learned about you, I didn't know you played at the U. So who had the better nightlife, the U or Saturday Night Live? Saturday Night Live. Come on.

Come on, man. I don't believe that for a second. You were there. You were at the U when it was like the U. I was at the U when it was the U, but I was also 18 with no money in Miami. You know, the name of it was dope, and the football team was dope. But here, I was having checks every week,

living in Times Square. You had it for you, too, though. Models? Come on. I've seen the documentary. It was cash. It wasn't checks. It was straight cash.

Yeah, straight cash. It was envelopes, sir. Envelopes. That was a good one. Instance of we got suspended many times. But, yeah, man, I mean, there's no comparison. New York City, you're on SNL. You get to start the conversation with, yeah,

someone come watch me on the show. What show? That's pretty easy. And then you don't tell them. You just give them the address and put their names down. And then a page, NBC page, brings them to your dressing room. By the time you see these ladies again, they're like, holy crap. This is crazy.

And then later that night, I'm just sorry. That's just how it went. I'm just sorry. That was my life, man. And that was a Tuesday. It was just dope, bro. God damn. man that was a tuesday it was just dope bro god damn me kenan thompson jb smooth uh horatio sams was a big partier um yeah i feel like it's almost you know it's like a stepping stone in comedy and all that shit but i feel like just the partying alone is worth it just the partying alone after

parties there's the people you meet dan ackroyd walking around with two 18-year-olds. It was just amazing, bro. It was like, holy crap, everybody's here. Did you have a lot of the older cast members hanging around, almost like fifth-year seniors? It just depends. It just depends on who was the guest. Like Eddie Murphy just came back, and everybody came. Everybody from the who's who of the cast to just New York celebrities, Spike Lee, you know, Gail and whoever, whoever lives in New York was there.

You know, I was hanging out with Usher and Chappelle and just like we just randomly just hanging out. But everybody came back to see Eddie. And the after party was dope, too. But it was more like a restaurant slash you know but it was just I'm sitting next to Rock on one side now here's a great story I'm sitting in the studio 8H and I'm watching the show

and I'm like yeah I should get up and just run you know roam the back scenes and get my pictures and hang out and I see Donald Glover and I see all these different just black celebrities Talib Kweli and just different people and I'm just likever and I see all these different just black celebrities Talib Kweli and just different people and I'm just like yeah I need my picture with Eddie like how am I gonna get this picture with Eddie and then they're like and I went to his dressing room and they had

all these people in front of him like yeah I'm not gonna get no picture with Eddie and then at the after party I sit down at my little table and I'm sitting actually with Eddie's brother and his agent and then Chris Rock is over here Marcy klein who used to book the musical acts on the show so we're just all hanging out and i'm like yeah chance to meet getting a picture with eddie they were like slim i was like yeah let's talk throw it out there and then eddie walks into the restaurant 10 people and i'm like yeah i'm not gonna get this picture just I'm not even going to be that guy. And he comes. His seat is right next to mine. And his table goes that way. And my table was going this way.

So we're sitting there, you know, just eyes touching. I'm like, man, great show, man. You did your thing. He was like, oh, thanks. Finesse, thanks, man. What are you doing out here? Thanks for coming to see me, man. That meant a lot.

I said, thank you, Eddie. Click, click, click, click, click. That was totally that dude posted the pictures got the likes it worked out it's like there are people who you can do that he's the one yeah he's he's on that if anybody's gonna say don't do that i'd rather take that from you know eddie murphy and i feel like you did it the right way i think the universe like presented you know he sat next to you because you weren't you know you weren't a dick about it you weren't like rushing over or bothering him well he sat next to me because that was a seat yeah that's what i'm saying it's like it just i who me i was crashing

it pretty much but i just happened to sit at his the only open chair and rock was there and i'm just like yeah we're just talking catching up about black sketches and how far the show has come you know one or two black people that is looking like in living color sometimes. You know what I'm saying? Because it had like five black people on it one time. So we were just all like, yeah, we've come a long way. We were the foundation. We paved the way for this.

The forefathers of this shit, yeah. Tracy used to be, it's so hard for our backs for this. You know what I'm saying? So it's just the way you looked at it. But to have eddie come in and just sit down next to me i was just like wow it's my comedy hero comedy icon let me take this picture and it was worth the trip i spent my own money to come out and i just wanted the picture and i got it so who else you hold in that regard chapelle yeah i'm in awe every time i'm

around chapelle but that's my peer and and friend. You know what I mean? But I still marvel at the way his brain works. And you think, and I never, he's like Biggie. You never see him write shit. You never see him look at a note. You just see him open up a pack of cigarettes, get to the last cigarette,

and then the show is over. But you're like, that was fucking brilliant. You know, so it was just great to see him come back. And he had, you know, disappeared because his daughter was young. And he was like, I just want to spend these quality years with my daughter versus it being this whole Africa thing and getting away. I lost my mind.

The way he explained it to me was I just took a break. I went on vacation. Didn't have no cell phone. When I came back, I was on crack. I don't know what happened. You know? does he still does he still go wild I remember I was watching

his the Mark Twain he won the Mark Twain award for American comedy I believe is what it's called this year and Aziz Ansari

was doing a little speech about it and he was at a show with Chappelle and said that he was going to turn in for the night and Chappelle was like Aziz I want to tell you something it's not announced that he was going to turn in for the night. And Chappelle was like,

Aziz, I want to tell you something. It's not announced yet. It's going to be announced tomorrow morning. But I have been announced the winner of this year's Mark Twain Award for American Humor. So you want to go home early? Or you want to tell your kids one day that you took fucking mushrooms with Dave Chappelle the night he announced the award?

And Aziz is like, and then I tripped on fucking mushrooms with Dave Chappelle. That question gets answered for you real quick. Can't say no to that. He announced the award. And he's like, and then I tripped on fucking mushrooms with Dave Chappelle. Right. That question gets answered for you real quick. You can't say no to that. Yeah, bro. I watched it. I was so mad that I wasn't there.

But it was just one of those things. I was like, I got to be there. I got to be there. And then the date just got away from me. And then next thing you know, I booked a TV show on Fox. I was going to say, you're getting a little busy with the sitcom money coming in. And now it's like, I'm too rich to be flying around randomly for other comics. I don't have my suit ready.

I just need to stay home. You feel like the Verizon guy going from NBC to Fox, like Verizon to Sprint? You're cheating on NBC. You know what? You know, I felt like, it's funny that you said that, because when I did go back, it had already been announced that I was on Fox. And I was like, learn! And he said, hi. And he just kind of kept walking and I was like, come on now, brother.

See, I was kind of kidding. Is there like a, you know, this is your network situation? I've always wanted to be on NBC. I've always wanted to be on primetime and NBC. But then, you know, if NBC doesn't come calling, what do you do? You know, you're an actor. So going from the Disney Channel to Showtime to just the different shows I was doing. And then I always wanted to have my own talk show.

So I was being geared and groomed for that and had two pilots that didn't go. And I'm like, I know I'm funny in the talk show world. I need my own show. But I guess I got to build up my profile a little bit more because I would just crush it. But I think advertisers was like, yeah, who is he again? You know, that type of thing. So next thing I know, I go on a random audition that I actually tried to tank. You know?

It was just like, I just, I was tired of hearing no's. And I was tired of the drive. I was, I lived, I lived far from what audition was. But I drove in and then when I got there, I wasn't prepared. And I went in, and I knew the casting director. And after my read, he was like, I want you to go outside. I want you to read this damn thing, and I want you to know it and come back in here and do it again. You have a shot at this, Finesse.

And I looked at him. I said, you say that all the time. It's 500 auditions later bro you always finesse you just go learn it so i go sit outside on the couch and i'm just looking at it i'm just like all right and i go back in he's like you i said you think y'all can do it he's a tisha campbell needs a husband i said tisha campbell i said for martin yeah i said she on the show he said yeah she would be your wife I said well everything

she make make it to air because it was also like I'm like what is this like and then he was like yeah they've already

ordered 10 episodes they're just trying to finish the cast and I was like oh let me go back outside say a little more yeah went back in

did my read they said they loved it invited me to do the test read for network. And Tisha was in there. And they was like, oh, she's going to read with you. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, let me go back outside and study again. Went back in, murdered it, bro.

You said that everything she does makes it to air. If a pilot doesn't make it to air, do you get no money? If a pilot doesn't make it to air? No, you do a deal. If they shoot that pilot, you get that money. Okay. You know what I mean? But what they do with it after that is out of your control.

But they pay you to do the work. Yes. Who's your least favorite person on the show? My least favorite person on my new show? Yeah. Jason probably. Jason was just in here. That son of a bitch.

He was just in here telling, I'm sure you've heard it, but he was telling the story of him trying to have a threesome with his wife. That was one of the more outrageous stories I've ever heard. Did it go down? Three nights in a row failed all three attempts. The first night was like not what they ordered. The second

night, I think there was like some performance anxiety and the third, whatever it was. Three nights in a row, she tried to make it happen for his birthday and three three nights he failed anybody got jenny mullen number oh it had to be two girls oh okay all right all right he probably would i don't know okay i'll have to think about that uh jenny mullen is wouldn't that be some shit your wife says like hey honey for your birthday we're gonna have a threesome and finesse walks through the door and i'll see you monday at work my wife would never agree to that i would imagine most wives would not yeah i was about to say white women but no i'm thinking about it most wives would not doesn't matter what color you are

you know i just left the wendy williams show and um i was talking to a person and she was beautiful and i was and i was just like you know what you always have such positive you know words for me and encouragement i said well you know um are you married and she was like yeah i'm married with you know been married for three years i said oh so it's new no we've been dating for eight like 15 years married for three i said oh okay great i was like oh okay so what's the secret she said just be free i said oh was free me she said just you know do what you want i said what you do you do what you want she's like yeah you know i love him but i love a girl too and i was just like oh that's the secret yeah and i was like yeah that is the secret find your woman who

doesn't care about that shit and it'll be good it'll be easy a lot it'll be good until until the two girls get together and then they want to go find a guy and you can cut it out or you get cut you know or i guess you start liking the you start liking the other one the other girl and your wife is like are you contacting her without me that's not out of the cards. There's a lot of rules to that shit. We've always said, I would not want to be part of that. It's good in theory. I wouldn't want to be part of the threesome with my wife. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I feel like it's got to be like a Vegas. In my SNL days, I got lucky once. I was going to say, Finesse, I feel like you've been part of threesomes before. You know, I got a threesome look. I'm surprised it's just once. Yeah, just once. But that was in my SNL days. How did that materialize?

Bro, it was just the weirdest thing. The two girls came up to my apartment, and I knew one of them really well. And we started making out, and I looked at her friend on the couch like, she's just watching us make out. This is weird. And then, you know know i'm kissing the girl i'm making out with and i felt more hands and i looked back over at the couch and the other girl was gone i looked at her and i was just like oh okay this is supposed to happen it's supposed

to happen my sketch got cut that week so it was like this is supposed to happen this is this is god saying i got you you know yeah that that's uh that's a combination of that's the but now i'm saved i'm a christian oh yeah now i'm sure i'm sure you're born again now no i'm just kidding you have to fucking lie yeah no but that's you're saying like what the secret is is to find a girl that's like being like how do i I get rich? Win the lottery. You know what I mean? It's like, okay, yeah. I think the secret to longevity in relationships is humility and staying humble.

As men, especially as men. To me, what's new gets old. But what's true stays new. You understand what I'm saying? I get that. I had a different take last episode. I was saying that you pay each other. I think it's not crazy.

It's prostitution. When you want me to go to dinner and I don't feel like going to dinner, it's not every dinner, right? Some dinners I want to go to, but if I don't want to go, you pay me 50 bucks, I go to dinner. And that's my part about staying humble. You know what I mean? I got a self-doubt shirt sweatshirt on. No kids. You don't have any kids.

I don't have any kids. Do you? That's what an adult man to you. Come on. Your shirt is inside out, bro. No. No, you do not. Any kids?

I got two, and he's my third. I got three kids. Now, are you married? No, divorced. Okay. Now, with your kids, what's the ages? Four and two. Boy and girl?

Yeah, older girl younger boy okay cool do you do you get frustrated or do you like i just want to be the best dad in their eyes a lot of times oh both i mean i want to be the best dad but anybody's saying they don't get frustrated when they're when they got a four-year-old and two-year-old just lying you know right now you know what we do as men with our wives we show the frustration way more sometimes with your kids you're like restraint because they're kids and they're like what i'm gonna do sock you in the face right i hear you but with our wives we're kind of like you sock them in the face you know what i mean

but and and a lot of times as men we just got to remember that you know their emotions are going to always constantly change we got to be always on our guard to pay attention and listen to them changing and and shift it's okay just just one little compliment here or one little this and that there it just makes all the world a difference than just being this is this is too arrogant talk show wisdom being too arrogant and sometimes just not having enough humility to just be like, you know what? I see something that's bothering you. And rather than ignore it or saying that shouldn't bother you, tell me what's bothering you and why.

See, I got a different take again. I think we don't get enough compliments. Surprise. I've started doing it in the office. You chose to wear those pants. It's like, what do you want? We talk about it all the time in the office. I go around the office always gassing guys up because guys don't get enough compliments.

Girls from people they do not want to get them from are always yelled, what's up, beautiful? No one sells me. I would love to get catcalled. Yeah. Say, hey, John. Hooray, be on the street, please. That's a nice inside out sweatshirt you got on today. You know what?

I thought that way, too. But, you know, New York is one of those places that you can get catcalled. And I thought to myself, I had a girl just say, mm. And it made me like, yeah. I get it. I mean, I did it when you walked in the room. Yeah, right? But let me tell you, if you walk down the street and 15 girls are like, mm, mm, look at that dick print.

Ooh, wow. After a while, you'd be like, hey, damn it. Oh, yeah, without a doubt. For sure. But one's nice. Yeah. Like 15 in a row. But'd be like, hey, damn it. Oh, yeah, without a doubt. For sure. But one's nice. Yeah. Like 15 in a row. But just give me like one a day.

Yeah. One a day. Your hair looks nice today. You want one girl to like grab your balls that you don't know. I've had that happen once. I do not care

for unnecessary touching. Right. I've had the, I've had, you ever seen all those old washboards how they wash like clothes and like the, you know, what old washboards? How they wash clothes? What's the show?

Little House on the Prairie? I had a girl once do it to me at a bar just with my penis. It was a charity event. I was the guest bartender. I came out and I was talking to people and she was drunk and just danced on me and just kept doing that.

I'm being sexually harassed right now and this is the worst. Right. Not a fan of him. It's a humility. But if she had said, you had nice hair, I'd have been in.

Right. I'd like that. Right. I like that story. I don't want nobody washboarding my dick though, but I like that story. You didn't feel comfortable with it.

You didn't like it. She just went straight for it. She didn't compliment you. You just felt like, cheap. Right, exactly. You just felt like, cheap. Right, exactly. You're used. A little slot.

Probably traumatized by that shit. Trying to work with your damn shirt on backwards. You know. You keep up with anybody from the U, from the football days? Rohan Marley is a buddy. Warren Sapp is a buddy. You know what? They didn't like me that much back in the day because I was a frat boy,

and they thought that the football team was its own frat, so they did not like me joining a real fraternity. Wow. And they also didn't like that everybody was calling me finesse. I was going to say that. That really pissed them off. That's either going to be people going to like it or they're going to hate it. Like, you know, like, nobody wanted to call Dwayne Dwayne,

but his name was Dwayne Johnson. Right. So we started calling him Dewey. You know what I mean? Because nobody wanted to say Dwayne. Well, I don't think people want to say Alfred. You know what I mean? Just not a football name.

From Alfred to finesse. We're talking opposite ends of the spectrum here. I said if I was going to go there, go all the way there. And it just caught on like wildfire, man. I was cutting people's heads, and I was the barber on campus. And I remember a frat girl, a sorority girl who I had a little crush on, she came up to me, and we were in a group of people, and I tried to talk to her.

And she just thought I was so bold because she was she was blushing but at the same time she was like what are you a freshman and she was a senior I was like yeah you know I'm from Atlanta I'm new you know I'm on the football team I was just throwing out everything yeah and somebody came up to her and said hey girl who's this she said Mr. Fines That's it. Thank you. So then one of my boys was like, Mr. Finesse. I like that.

The Mr. in front of it makes you sound like a wrestling character or something like that. I'm Mr. Finesse. So here's the crazy part. I'm in the locker room and I'm changing clothes

and there's always like 10 alpha males on the football team and one of the dudes was like, hey, hey, Rook,

what's your name again? And somebody said, that's Finesse. Didn't know that dude. Didn't know where he got that from or heard it. And then dude was like, Finesse, I like that. Where you from? I said, Atlanta.

All right, Finesse, get your ass up. You're in my locker. I'm like, oh. So after that, it just kind of like, hey, that's Finesse. That's Finesse. And then it just fit when it came to comedy. Yeah, I was going to say, I mean like it's a great nickname but I also think

professionally it probably helps right I mean it's memorable it's funny it's transgender it works it was like Jamie Jamie was like

hey I can never get on stage because they would try to block me so now when I started signing up I would just put Jamie Foxx and they didn't know if it was a guy or a girl right really

I didn't know that yeah it's not his real name what's your favorite part? You said you wanted to do a talk show. Do you like sitcom? Do you like stand-up? I love stand-up.

Stand-up's number one? I'm going to do stand-up for forever. Yeah. Till I'm John Witherspoon, rest in peace. But I just want to keep going that long doing stand-up. I'd rather be in Vegas and have everybody come to me. I was going to say, I want to do stand-up. Yeah, because it's just the best form of entertainment.

It's like a rock star without a band. You know what I mean? Like to be a Kevin Hart or a Chappelle and Joe Coy, the arena is filled with people screaming

your name. And you remember your first open mic night? That's just like... And there's no band. There's no music. It's just you. Just you.

And a leather jacket. How cool is that? So I want to do that. But I've fallen in love with sitcom life. I hope Outmatched on Fox goes for like five seasons. Right. At least five. Because it's a family show.

I don't know how old you guys are, but it's like family ties back in the day with Michael P. Keaton and Mallory. They were smart. And the parents were just trying to keep up and and and michael j fox back the time alex p keaton but michael j fox at the time was just so all over the place they just had to like yeah remember the drug episode when he was trying to get in that school and he took you don't remember i mean i i definitely uh family ties was like right like like probably on the tail end when i was getting i don't know a lot of sitcoms but i was more like growing pains growing pain yeah that was kind of i feel like it went from like family ties to growing yes so uh what was that dude's name something siever yeah mike siever mike siever

yeah so growing pains was another good one but fox Fox has, I feel like, a home run without Match. I just feel like people need to find it, know where it is, see who's on it. And when they see Jason Biggs, they're like, I grew up with this guy. I know this guy. And he's not disappointing. He's a dope actor. He's so funny. You had a Finesse Mitchell as a best friend.

That salt and pepper combination. We're killing it. Tisha Campbell is, you know, she's Tisha Campbell. She's a legend. And then there's Tony Danza, right? Maggie Lawson. I mean, this is crazy. It's a great cast.

So we come on after Tim Allen, you know, last man standing. So now people just need to find us because Tim Allen's had an older demographic. Right. And we got that young demographic, but we don't have that millennial demographic. You know what I mean? So the kids kind of like draw that in. And that's why I said it's something for everybody. We're going to let them know. We'll let that demo know.

But I love, multicam, you get there at a certain time, you're home by 3.30 every day. It's not paying the ass to work with the kids? No. No? I think Jay said it was. I mean, jokingly, of course. I'm sure he would. I'm sure he would.

That's because they're smarter than him. In real life, they're smarter than him. No, I think he was joking just with how kids can only film a certain amount of hours and stuff like that. Yeah, and they got to go to school. So it's like it doesn't affect our schedule. We're still in and out, in at a certain time, out at a certain time. And I've done single cam shows. I work with Cameron Crowe and J.J. Abrams.

They're like, yo, so yo so call time 3 a.m you know 25 miles away from your house and you know it's just like okay and then you work 18 hours a day and go to go to lunch twice and go to sleep in your trailer and tell your wife we're doing doing over it's like for what it's a it's-hour show. Why are we doing all this? You know, so I like multicam. I like being on the soundstage. It's a dope life, you know. And if you're an actor, and if you're a comic who started out on BET's Comic View and Deaf Comedy Jam, and now you're doing, you know,

mainstream network family sitcoms, you know, you can't beat that. It sounds like it's been pretty dope, dude. You see my suit? Yeah. Shit, man. We appreciate you coming through. Best of luck with the show.

Everybody go watch it outmatched on Fox and make sure it hits five, six, seven, eight, nine seasons. If you're a fan of dope comedy and you love stand-up,

I'm telling you, I'm in your top five. You just don't know it yet. You gotta come see me. That's a lie. You know what I'm saying? So, you You just don't know it yet. You got to come see me. You know what I'm saying? So, you know, go to finessemitchell.com or hit me up on Instagram finessemitchell. See my tour dates. Going to Dayton. I'm going to Philly.

I'm going to Chicago. I'm going to Vegas. Had to push everything back because I booked the show. And now we rescheduled everything. And now I'm ready to go back out and get ready for my next stand-up special. Go kill it, man. Congratulations. You got it. Thank you, bro.

Absolutely. Appreciate it. Turn around. Look at what you see. In her face. The mirror of your dream. Make believe I'm everywhere. Give it in the light

Written on the pages is The answer to a never-ending story Reach the stars Lie a fantasy Dream a dream And what you see will be Suns and kings, there are secrets here A boat behind the clouds

And there upon a rainbow Is the answer to a never-ending story Story