KFC Radio - Bob Baffert Blames Cancel Culture for His Horse Failing Drug Test

Episode Date: May 11, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, Share, and leave a review! Subscribe to our youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIO -The fifth anniversary of the Brady 4 arrest is on Wednesday and we're releasing the animated version to celebrate -Handsome Hank got emasculated by Jake Marsh -Do you wash your hands in your own bathroom? -Bob Baffert is emptying the bag of excuses after his horse, Medina Spirit, failed a drug test -Elon Musk -Top 5 Breakfast Foods, comment with yours -We're working on being more positive -Voicemails include: -Your biggest petty move -Sleepwalking multitask -Greatest conveniences Let us know what you think on twitter @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @nickhammy5 @JNics415You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to introduce to you the greatest show of all time. Life is a Lunchable. It's just, it's a parody. It's marketing. The greatest scam ever is that life is a gift. Ready to rock?

It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. We got a big episode coming up. We also got the Brady 4, one thing I learned this week. Oh! That's this week? Yeah, I saw it. It's great. Big time. The Brady 4 is, you know, Barstool's a weird thing where, you know, we talk about what?

I mean, it's just too hot. It's hot. I thought it was cold and then it wasn't. Now I'm already hot. It's too hot. Like, what the fuck? It's a great shirt, though. Thanks.

The Brady Four, Barstool's a weird thing where, you know, we, like we said with Tommy Smoke's winning survivor, people have their chance to live out their dreams here and you don't want to see it happen. Yeah. Uh, because if you do, not only does that mean your friends are happy, which, you know, nobody wants that, but also it means, you know, you didn't get to experience something incredible. You know, the Brady four is maybe the most jealous I've ever been about someone in content.

Really? It involves going to jail because what? Well, no, no. Uh, Tom Brady acknowledging the Brady four is maybe the most jealous I've ever been about someone in content. Really? It involves going to jail. Well, no, no. Tom Brady acknowledging the Brady four. Oh, okay. You know, like the actual Brady four. And then deleting, which actually I think makes it cooler. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, because he deleted it, left it up there long enough for the screenshots. Yeah, yeah, right. I feel like maybe not even just the acknowledging. Going to jail is pretty cool. Yeah. Going to jail for us when you know there's no real repercussions is like the best thing that can happen. It's like Dave getting kicked out or any of these things that happen where it's like, well, this wouldn't be ideal for a regular person but for a content person. This is fucking incredible.

It is. Perfect. I remember I obviously knew we were going to jail and I remember calling my uncle who is a lawyer on the way down. I was like, I'm going to get arrested arrested tomorrow and he's like don't it's still today you can avoid tomorrow as much as you want he's like just don't so you knew that it was gonna end in arrest like we were 100 yeah yeah like i mean like not 100 obviously like there's a strong chance it was. Yeah. It was a goal. Yeah. It was like,

let's spend a night in jail. Yeah. In fact, we were actually, I think this is, this is a little, uh, behind the scenes.

We thought we were going to get out because, because you're white. Yeah. Because the cops were stoolies. Because the cops were stoolies. Don't worry, we got you. And,

uh, and we were like, I, we were like, Oh, I think we're going to get out. Like, I think they're just going to let us go.

And we were all like, we stay off social media. We were going to pretend we spent the night in jail. That was another similar related time when Portnoy got taken out of the Super Bowl. And then went silent. And we didn't know where he was. And then there was a shot of him at that hotel bar. Was it a hotel bar? It was not just a bar.

It was a weird bar. And he was all by himself. He was the only one there. The loneliest man in the world sitting there watching the Super Bowl on a little screen, not tweeting to the world, letting everybody believe that he was in jail or in the basement of the building or something. And I was like, this man just created his masterpiece like he just painted his

picasso it was unbelievable like he made me goodell's basement like he was he was letting everyone think i could be and he was just watching superbowl like the rest of us it was unreal so yeah that that like air of mystery is is great uh i mean he used his one phone call to call me to make sure T-shirts went up. I remember you were on speakerphone. I remember how he was like, the look on his face where he was so confused that you were confused. Of course I called you. You're like, wait, this is your one phone call? And he's like, yeah.

Yeah, duh. Obviously, of course. It's like, no, not your wife, not your lawyer, not your friend. No one bail you out. We got to get T-shirts out. Also, yeah, I know. You didn't have to waste your phone call for that. We're going to put T-shirts on sale.

That's all we do here. It's the only reason I have a salary, Dave. It's crazy. Literally, T-shirts pay for 100%. Yeah, that's all we had. So Brady 4, one thing I learned on the KFC Radio YouTube this Wednesday night. So head over now, subscribe, and get ready for that. Yeah, here it is.

Play it. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. So literally, this is your one phone call and all you're worried about is me putting up shirts on sale? Yeah, pretty much. That's it? Nothing about bailing out? Nothing about when you're worried about is me putting up shirts on sale. Yeah, pretty much. That's it. There's nothing, nothing about bailing out.

Nothing about when you're going to get free. We don't know. We don't know what to do. All right. I'll just, I'll, I'll make sure free Brady's up on the Boston site. All right.

Bye. What's amazing is that two people on the phone together, they're both going, what an idiot for very different reasons. It was very funny. So that's out this week. And you know what's cool? Like, I always forget that we have been doing this so long.

And even that, that's like newer Barstool. New-ish. Yeah. And it's still, there are probably literally millions of people who not only have never seen it, but don't even know it happened. I would guess that, yes. I would bet that most people who follow Barstool fans do not know about the Brady Forrest saga. Yeah, the whole thing, the protest, the arrest, all of it.

That's why sometimes I'm like, I hate to like bombard social media with links and shit but it's like you gotta let these people know like you're because because also i really believe that blogging and podcasting all this shit is like sports where you're like you have a prime it's much much longer than athletics where you have like you know seven years max but you do have like a prime and so you know you got to make sure people see like your best work. It's like, I want people to know about my like MVP season back when I got arrested for Tom Brady. You know what I mean?

Look at that. Look at that footage. I mean, Hank, I don't even want to spoil it for people who maybe don't know it, but Hank took a shit in jail like 15 minutes in. He got to, they were in jail for like 12 hours and he took a shit while

he was there one of the most unbelievable unprecedented moves one of the other guys diaper boy said are you taking this shit it wasn't diaper boy and that was that's the most unfortunate part of it is that he uses the n-word not hank by the way we got the other is that taking a shit yeah yeah no no it was it was it was all right we're gonna i'll tell this little part of the story it it was you heard that oh tink right no you heard like a a fart echo through a metal toilet bowl. Which might be in a vacuum. Forget about this whole saga. The funniest noise on the planet Earth would be a fart echoing through a metal toilet bowl.

And then there's just a pause while everyone just kind of thinks about what's happening. And you run the gamut from Hank being this camera intern all the way up to Dave, eventual 100 millionaire mogul, and then other just criminals. Everybody in the place going, what the fuck is going on? Nobody knew. You could have heard a pin drop after you heard that fart echo. Everyone was like, wait, what the fuck was that? So everyone was in a cell? Individual cell?

Everyone was in individual cells at this point. Got it, got it. And we thought we were the only four. We didn't know that there was another person because we'd been arrested so early in the day. People don't get arrested at noon. It's just

not when you do crimes. We did. And Dave just goes, Hank, are you taking a shit? And then Hank had a very sheepish reply like,

uh, yeah? And then Hank had like a very sheepish reply like, yeah. And then from down the end of the hallway, this guy was just, people just forgot this guy was in jail. I think he'd been there for weeks. He just goes, Edward, what? And the way, we were like, who's that? I'm picturing, I'm picturing like Sean Connery in in the rock like he had been there for 60 years in this holding cell like what nobody takes shits in here man dude he said i forget his exact line but he said something to that effect like i think he said something i think he was like i've been in jail three times this week

shit well because you're in like like, the holding cell, right? You're not in, like, jail jail, like prison. You're just there for, like, a few hours before they move you. You don't need to. Like, there shouldn't even be toilets. Like, you shouldn't even. You don't have to go to the bathroom at all, you fucking idiots. Oh, man.

Like, that is so. I mean this. That is the most socially uncalibrated move I've ever heard of in my life. Taking a shit within, like, an hour of being arrested. That wasn't an hour. You're giving him too much credit. It was, like, ten minutes. Like, he was holding that shit.

He's like, once I get to jail, I'm going to shit. You know what's – yeah, what was really funny is knowing Hank. So Hank now is this, like, this, you is this producer of this number one show when he creates, although he got assassinated by Jake Marsh. What happened? You haven't seen the Jake Marsh clip? No. The ping pong clip? No.

Yes. Pull it up. Yeah, pull it up. I haven't seen it fully. I've definitely seen something about Jake, but I haven't seen it fully. The Hank Lockwood we know, he's dead. He's gone. For all we know, Rhea might have broke up with him.

Hey, real quick, before you change that, I want to take a picture. Just send it to Hank. For all we know, Rhea broke up with Hank. This happened. She went across the country to California. Hank, today, Jake Marsh showed up, sat down at the desk, and Hank said, I got a doctor's appointment. He left the building.

Wait, wait, wait. Make sure the audio is. Okay, go ahead. One million views? Yes. I'm the president in the office! I am the best one here! I am the best one here!

What? And he gives his little handshake. And then he tries to... He tries to... What a great match! Best in the office. Great competitor. This is my day.

I wasn't letting the Mets steal that. 21-18, Jake. So now... Poor... Oh, my God! I am the best one here. That was a different Jake Marsh than I've ever seen in my life. He went PVW on him.

Who do you think you are? Here I am. Jake Marsh went fucking like, he went like Ray Lewis on him. That was one of the most pumped up. That's up there with the Tom Brady, like, let's fucking go. It's one of the craziest outbursts I've ever seen coming from the quietest guy. So Hank's dead.

That was incredible. I always love Jake Marsh. I'm a humongous Jake Marsh. They're going to NFT it. They're going to sell it. They're going to. And now Jake is doing what's even worse. If that was you, that was Hank.

If you were Hank, the last thing you would want, right? Like Jake's walking around being like, he's a great competitor. If we play again in the playoffs and he beats me, he could earn redemption. It's not a – that's like, you know, let me pat you on the head, little boy. It's okay. I'd rather you be like, yeah, I fucking murdered you. Like let's just call a spade a spade because Hank's like, you're making it worse, man. So Hank's dead. It's okay. I'd rather you be like, yeah, I fucking murdered you. Like, let's just call a spade a spade. Cause Hank's like, you're making it worse,

man. So Hank, Hank's dead. Hank's gone, gone. But there was this Hank Lockwood that, you know, became a man,

but that was Henry Lockwood, the boy, when he was the sheepish guy who wasn't really going to speak up. So he was probably sitting at NFL HQ, like handcuffed to you guys being like, I gotta poop. I gotta poop. And I can't tell them likeuffed to you guys being like, I gotta poop. I gotta poop and I can't tell them. Like Dave's going to be like, I don't care, shit your pants.

He just had to go to the bathroom, but he was already chained to four guys. So he probably was so happy to go to jail just so he could take a shit. Just because it was either like, either I poop in jail or I poop in the lobby of the NFL headquarters. He kept hoping Goodell would take the meeting just so he could shit Goodell's office. I don't know how this is going to end up. You guys got a bathroom? All right, so that is the Brady 4, one thing I learned on the KC Radio.

It's actually, it's insane, because it feels like 100 years ago. 100 years ago. And it also feels like yesterday. Yep. But like five years, so that's the reason we're doing it this month. It's the five-year anniversary of it yeah and like i i honestly can't decide if it feels more recent

or longer i feel like five years is also when things become five years that that's like a chunk of time you know what i mean like anything before five years you're like a couple years ago a few years ago when you say like people have like five-year reunions and five-year anniversaries five years like five years as a delineate. When my kid turned five, I was like, I've had a kid for five years? That's fucking weird. So I feel like it's long, but also I feel like Tom Brady just got done with a deflated suspension.

He's won three Super Bowls since then and got to a different team. It's absolute madness. But that's blogger years. Dave talks all the time about he got in trouble that one time talking about Rhea aging in blogger years. Do you know how old Rhea is? How old Rhea is?

Like 23. She's 23 years old. I am 13 years older and I've always been 13 years older than her. She's been here for so long and she's still only 23. Hank am 13 years older, and I've always been 13 years older than her. But, like, I mean, she's been here for so long, and she's still only 23. Hank's the same way. Hank's, like, 26 or something? I think Hank's 27.

27? He's been here for a decade. I mean, it's absolute madness. So bloggers are like dog years. With them in particular, with that power duo duo that like i i my sister is significantly older than ria and i think of her as my little sister right and like she's a little baby and ria is like a co-worker uh like yeah contemporary like my sister's like yeah like i'm afraid of ria you know it's crazy so yeah the blog year is like it's important to make sure. That's why we should have like a, you know, a throwback page or a throwback day or something showing all of our best work.

Because like we said, it was our prime. All right. I went viral this weekend for what some might say is the wrong reasons. I I'm proud to do it. I'm proud to have died on this hill. So we'll talk about it's brought to you by Black Rifle Coffee. Black Rifle Coffee is some of the strongest, best dark roasted coffee in America right now. It's American owned by veterans who, veterans specifically, Evan Hafer, who spent seven years overseas in Iraq where he was such a coffee nut that he was in like out on the front lines brewing coffee

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In 2020, they donated over 6 million cups of coffee to deployed soldiers and law enforcement and medical workers. So not only will you get your coffee in the morning but you're helping out all the people on the front lines of america so go to black rifle coffee.com slash kfc use code kfc and get the freshest coffee in america shipped to you that's black rifle coffee.com slash kfc so kind of in in line with what we're talking about there's several internet type of like debates and arguments that happen like cyclically you know what i mean they pop up and we i'm happy to just keep doing them because like i said there's a whole new crop of people like every

day on the internet there's someone who finds out that some people sit down and wipe and some people stand up. And we've done it a million times. But whatever. I'll do it now. This day happened to be I was talking about washing your hands in the bathroom. The difference now is I did it once when I had like 50,000 followers and now you have like 450,000 followers. You did it once when Barstool was just a little blog. Now you're doing it when it's like a multimedia, you know, conglomerate fucking empire.

So a lot more eyeballs are on. So this all unfolded this weekend because of the Garbage Boys. Because of Are You Garbage? Somebody, and I love following along with them because their fans submit pictures saying, like, is this garbage or not? And you see some things, man. You see some people that make you feel a lot better about yourself where you're like okay i'm not there over the weekend i think that was i i honestly forget what i think the guy like was it a living room setup where it was like a fucking cardboard box and like all that it was no kev quote tweeted i think i'm sorry because

the one so the one that triggered this was that someone in their private bathroom at home had a paper towel dispenser on the wall. Yes, okay, yes. Like an industrial, ka-ching, ka-ching, ka-ching. Not like a little, yeah, there it is up there. I mean, like little porcelain sink, little mirror, and we've got the, you know, the brown paper towels with the jagged edges. I mean, that's insane. Insanity. And so I quote tweeted it and said something to the effect of like, yeah, who doesn't want to

make your bathroom at home look like more like a public toilet or whatever. And then I said something like, and you got to reload the paper towels and this is all in your private home where like, let's be honest, we're not washing our hands anymore.

Honestly, like, I think a throwaway comment to talk about like i mean whether you wash your it's almost like hacky in my mind like you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom do you just run it do you run the water do you use soap do you fake put it under it's again it's a debate we've had forever but this time this time it popped off first it was very funny culturally to watch it because it went like decently quote-unquote viral within the barstool world and it was like 60 40 no people were like nah man white people white folks my people like our followers and then it got then it went to black twitter and black twitter just thinks that white people are disgusting. They call us wet dogs. They're appalled that we don't wash the bottom of our legs.

And they were freaking out that we're that like this vote. And Barstool was saying like, yeah, if I'm in, if I'm at my public bathroom, it's kind of a different story. Not even necessarily. No, it's not. But it's a little bit like there are times where I'm like, oh, my God, this place is disgusting. If it's like really bad.

Like if I'm using like the Grand central or like penn station i'm less likely to wash my hands well because that that's true too sometimes because i don't want to touch knobs and all that so i'm with you on that but there are certain times where if i have to touch something i'm like i got it needless to say when i'm at home in my own bathroom that especially now like nobody else goes in there if If I go to the bathroom. Unless something drastically goes wrong. My hands are good. And I'm not washing.

And people were freaking out about this. And like I said. It goes into black Twitter. It goes into some of the corners of the Barstool haters. There's a ton of blue check marks. Being like Barstool is a cesspool. And now they're proving it. Whatever.

What the fuck? But then I come into work. And i have some of my fellow bloggers some of my fellow like brother in arms being like what are you kidding me and i was like are you kidding me dan dan was like i always wash my hands i was like you piss in sinks pee your pants and pour chili down your diaper like get out of here he's like that's for content when I'm alone. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. And now I will also say, too, it's like, don't get me wrong,

it's like 99% of the time, but, like, if things go wrong, if something goes awry in the bathroom, I will clean myself up. But for the most part, and I know apparently it's impressive to a lot of the internet, I have perfected going to the bathroom i don't pee on my hands i don't poop on my hands i i don't know if people aren't using enough toilet paper but there is no contact on anything with my hands when i when i wipe when i clean when i pee when i don't i don't understand why and then you get the then you get the scientists who are coming out saying, well, there's people matter everywhere. I'm like, well, then you better be washing your phone and your toothbrush and taking a shower after you shit every time because apparently it's everywhere.

So don't give me this nonsense. And then I had someone have the nerve to say, it's not that you need to use it after you go to the bathroom. It's that you should wash your hands three to four times a day and you happen to go to the bathroom three to four times a day as if you're using your goddamn bathroom habits as some sort of alarm clock to wash your fucking hands i mean the lying go and then what really pisses me off i got other i guess i'll say unnamed bloggers because they texting me being like i've never said this publicly, but I believe it. I got people in my DMs being like, thank you for saying this. I was like, fucking say it publicly, you cowards.

Dude, name names. Fucking Captain Cons. Cons? Cons. Fucking. Veteran of war. Too afraid to say that I don't need to wash my hands. You weasel.

I will admit this That I When I don't wash my hands Which is every time I think about it Like I Like It could be an hour later

And I'd be like That's kind of fucked up Yeah People keep saying like We argue on the run down We're having an argument on Twitter And then they'll say things like Like I don't know man

Final answer like You should wash your hands I'm like well yeah you should you should i should you know floss every day i should do a lot of things there are a ton of things that i should do almost exclusively things that i should do that i don't do so i'm not gonna argue that yeah we should probably shower five times a day and wash our hands every time we touch anything and you know these are the same people get off the subway and don't wash their hands but you know all of a sudden you're high and mighty with your bathroom fuck you you're liars 90% of you are fucking liars the rest of you are black people who think that white people smell like

wet dogs it's crazy if you let me just say this because this was on on stool scenes too i said okay fine you're in the bathroom you go to the bathroom the sink is right there you wash your hands what about all my parents out there you're in the nursery and You go to the bathroom. The sink is right there. You wash your hands. What about all my parents out there? You're in the nursery and you change your kid's diaper. There's no sink right there. You change your kid's diaper. Again, if it's a catastrophe, of course, you go wash your hands. That happens pretty often.

If it's a clean, easy wipe, now you got your baby. You're in a fucking nursery. You're not in the goddamn bathroom. Dan told me he would take his baby to the bathroom. And I was like, what did you do? Like put him on the floor? And he was like, like no i would wash my hands while i hold my baby it's like you would hold your baby and wash your hands at the same time literally no one has ever done that in the history of parenting so now now i don't believe anything he's saying. So just fucking admit it. Whatever.

It's. Give me a break. If I rip a piss. I mean, there's no chance I'm washing my hands after a pee. I haven't washed my hands after a piss probably my entire life. Dave says, would you touch your dick? I was like, first of all, I had people being like, well, like your balls. I don't really touch my dick. I was going to say, someone said to me, what about like your balls are dirty?

I was like, why are you touching your balls when you're peeing? That's how you ring the piss out. That, that's what, that was the main thing I, I found. I was like,

you guys don't know how to pee and poop. You're grabbing your balls when you pee. I don't think you're using toilet paper when you wipe. I'm getting the impression that people just wiping with their hands or something. Like, what is so, what is happening when you guys go to the bathroom that you need to, like, shower afterwards? I mean, I can... You kind of can just do it with

your... I just fucking pull it out, and this is how I piss. Yeah. Two hands on a phone. I am tweeting. I am texting. My dick's hanging out. I got two hands on my phone. That's how I'm pissing Dude And then I'll pull like the Fucking

End of the pants Yeah You pop your ass back And guess what Also If I fucking touch my dick I still wouldn't wash my hands I don't give a shit

My dick is not that dirty If you got a dirty dick Then that's worse Than your fucking back I don't even fucking Wash my hands after I jerk off Oh my god I also I also don't really like Come all wash my hands after I jerk off. Oh, my God.

I also don't really, like, cum all over my hands, but whatever. Nice. I mean, I get some cum on my hands for sure. I do not wash my hands. That is, sometimes I do. Sometimes I'll get in the shower afterwards. It depends on the situation. I'm not, like, staunchly anti-doing it, but just if it happens to work out into my schedule, then I'll wash the hands.

Right, if not, if it's inconvenient, pfft, not happening. You were making good arguments and I just... Yeah! No, no, now that just completely lost me. What are you talking about? I mean, at first you guys were like, I was like, okay. Yeah, makes perfect sense.

I mean, I'll admit, we went a little further with the jerking off. Yes. We went a little bit further. Went a little honest. Yeah. That's the main thing here. Nothing I said was a lie. That is the main thing here. There are people in this world who are honest and there are people who are not.

And there are people right now who are pretending to be some sanctimonious, holier-than-thou hand washers. I'm sure there are some nerds out there who do wash their hands every time. And then I know that there's like 35% of you fucking yeses on that fucking poll are lying. Especially if you're white. So, yeah.

You know, I'm just a regular fucking guy who tells the goddamn truth. Fuck anybody else who lies. If you wash your hands, you're a coward. Just like, fucking pussy. Listen, didn't get coronavirus, didn't get sick from the fucking

backs. Yo, I fucking washed my, I will admit this, I washed my hands for like a week once coronavirus started. That was it. I did the whole like, sing happy birthday. And I was like, this is stupid. I was like, I'm so fucking sick of singing happy birthday. I'm done washing my hands. I will admit to, I will, I'll rip a, if I walk like I'm so fucking sick of singing happy birthday I'm done washing my hands I will admit too I will

I'll rip a if I walk by a hand sanitizer it's happening oh yeah of course but that's a different story yeah no I've heard hand sanitizer

all the time you know it's I don't know it just disappears it's a whole magic thing but the soap and the that's the other thing

how many people let's take it a step further how many of you are doing happy birthday with the soap and everything how many of you are doing because then if you're doing

there's no fucking difference. As a matter of fact, sometimes I have this thing in my head where I feel like the water, like, grabs the germs and, like, spreads it all over. If you just go in your hands. You know what I mean? Like, I don't think that's, like. I don't hate that. I don't think it's, like, getting rid of the germs. I think it's just spread the germs in your hands.

So I think that it's worse. So you're either washing or spreading. If, I'll tell you this. How about this? If you replaced all sinks with just a hand sanitizer thing, my life would be a lot easier. I'd be clean too. My hands would always be clean. I'd use it 400% of the time.

Absolutely. Get rid of sinks. The sink and the knobs. I'm an anti-sinker. I'll say it. Yeah. You know what? I can't decide which I hate more.

You got the sinks with the knobs which is a whole thing to turn them or then sometimes you got the hands the hand motion which works i don't know six out of every 10 times sitting there just wiping all over like how does it fuck it and the whole thing and then you get the paper towel sometimes you have the paper towels you got to wash your hands then you come out and you're wiping it on your pants oh i never use a paper towel i use my hair hair. Hair, pants, or pocket. See, now that is a little weird because if you don't really wash your hands, if you just get them wet and then you're just wiping it on your,

then you're just pushing all the germs on your fucking hands. Yeah, that's what I do. So there's a new grocer guy at Barstool. It's this guy right here. I'm fine with it. I just, I just, you know, there are people who are cowards. I mean, again, if you are people who are cowards. I mean, again, if you're in my DMs or texting me that you, like, you are part of the problem.

You're not an ally. Speak up. It's not enough that you don't wash your hands. You have to be anti-handwashing. You have to speak up for the cause. We're anti-sinkers. We're anti-handwashers. Anti-washers. Fuck you.

And I don't want to hear it, like, because you, you know how many people on that poll talking shit probably had COVID? You dirty fucking rats. I was COVID-free for a year and a half. You didn't get COVID, bitch. That's right, motherfuckers. Washing your hands. I've also read that it's time to stop washing, like, stop going over the top with a hand

sanitizer. Because now... Now you're, like, you're not exposing yourself to enough germs sort of thing? Yeah, now it's like we're getting too clean. You know, you got to be exposed to germs. If I get sick, I'm dying. I don't get cold. It's one or the other.

It's like I am down and out. Because guess what? I'm used to all the little ones. I've been building up immunity this whole time. I've been jerking them out of my dick the whole time. I knew I was going to ruin it. I knew it. It's one of those things where it's like, I got a guy on my side.

Oh, it's not the guy you want. It's not the guy you want. Shit. We had like a good 15-minute run there. We did. And then we ruined it with a dirty dick. And I ruined it. Well, clean your hands.

Don't clean your hands. Whatever. Be a guy. Be a real one. Drink a Miller Lite. That's the thing. The real ones out here, no. The real ones are drinking Miller Lite, and they're not afraid to lie about who they are on social media.

So be proud about who you are. Be proud that you're a Miller Lite guy. I see that Dana said that switching to Miller Lite was the best decision he ever made in his entire life. Granted, I can't imagine he's made many great decisions in his life. But still, the bar is pretty low for the beer guy who sleeps outside on his balcony with balcony beds. That's actually a great decision. Evan. It's a little bit early.

It rained yesterday. Yeah, I was going to say. Let's not ignore that. It's a little early in the season, and it was raining. But nonetheless, balcony bed beers sounds pretty cool. It is. It's actually – I i was i drank a different beer for most of my life i will admit that because it's a regional thing too east coast and you know and then i never even saw this until i was older once they came on board and i started drinking my lights i was like wait this is just a way better beer yeah it's just a better tasting beer. And if I have anything else now, I'm like, eh.

So Miller Lite, it's great taste, less filling, only 96 calories, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. And you can get it delivered right to your house right now when you go to MillerLite.com slash KFC. They'll have all the delivery options near you where you can enjoy it with your friends, enjoy it with your family, enjoy it with your guy, your girl, by yourself, whatever. Always celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Get that Miller light. The Kentucky Derby popped off a couple weeks ago. Medina Spirit won, and lo and behold, that motherfucker Bob Baffert's back in the winner's circle.

He's got to be the greatest at anything, like, ever, right? I mean, hasn't he won, like, 40% of the races or something? It's, like, some absurd number, right? He's always there. No, it's not that absurd. No? It is the same amount of Super Bowls Tom Brady's won. Go fuck yourself.

It's just, and the only reason I know that is because after the derby, I tweeted Bob Baffert's the best at anyone. Like, no one's ever better. No one's better at anything than Bob Baffert is at horse training. And a significant amount of people were like, well, actually, Tom Brady's won seven. This is appropriate because they both cheat. Because Tom Brady is clearly either not human or cheating. And apparently Bob Baffert's horses always have some sort of illegal substance inside them.

So Medina Spirit got popped. I feel a little bit bad. This is a – it's a drug that they're allowed to have. They just have to stop two weeks before the race. It's an anti-inflammatory. Oh. But that's a big deal. These horses are just that much faster if they don't have swelling and whatever, if they use it right before the race.

But it's not like it's some anabolic, like, you know, turning this thing into a monster. But they just didn't. I think they just missed that two-week window. Why does it take them so long to test the horses? It's probably like you send it to a lab. But why don't you just do it beforehand? They probably do it before and after.

It's probably like, you know, right before it. And then, you know, there's like a chance that you, you know, it's like take the test. You can't test when they're, like, on the fucking track like you know right before it and then you know there's like a chance that you you know it's like take the test you can't test when they're like on the fucking track you know so it's probably they probably test like all the time for this shit and he's already under the microscope he's already been he's popped and popped before um like lost titles before and now this is the latest one whatever that's that's horse racing that's the interesting you know side of the horse racing thing what's funny is that bob baffert i promised i was not going to talk about cancel culture anymore but bob baffert's really forcing my hand here because his excuse he's throwing around he's throwing a lot of excuses out there which i don't mind yeah i like that just one of them empty the clip of them is going to work or all of them is going to work.

Like 5,000 people believe this one. 5,000 people believe that one. 10,000 people believe that one. So he said first that somebody or something, another horse or one of the trainers or something peed on the hay. And then that horse ate the hay and that's how it got into his system. Why? Okay. Questions.

Why would the trainer have that? Yeah yeah maybe not dave said the groom i don't know what that means he said the groom feed on the hay is that another horse or something like that i don't know i have no some horse pees on the hay you eat the hay you get his thing in there so that's one excuse and then the other one he's saying uh he goes yeah you know this is like an uh it's like kind of like cancel culture america's just a different time now it's like it's a horse it's a horse man that you are injecting with things it's not cancel culture i i i do like that though i do like that because there are people who are so anti-cancel culture if you use that word that term they're just like yup okay like if a rod had that back in what 2013 if he was just like cancel culture man yeah there would have been people on his side like america's different now can't take drugs a man can't even

a man can't even earn a living like what do you want me to do i'm a competitor it's just a different america i like america's different it's a different america and and he of did it like, I don't think he had the most conviction. I think he was like, it's like the cancel culture thing. Whatever. How about that? America's a different world now. Just fucking gay people can get married and horses can't take anti-inflammatory. Everyone can eat in the same restaurant.

It's just a whole thing, man. People just share fountains. That's Baffert, man. There's a guy who actually believes that and says all that stuff. It's Bob Baffert. It's Bob Baffert. I saw an Indian woman the other day.

Just here. In my presence. Mixing it up with me and local establishments. I'll tell you, America's a different place than the one I was raised in. A groom can't even take a piss on a fucking, on a bale of hay without getting in trouble for not washing his hands. That's the America I know. That horse just didn't wash up. That's all it was.

Dude, in the cancel culture realm, I can't help myself from doing this. And I shouldn't be hypocritical, but I am because I'm a spiteful, petty person. Chris D'Elia posted for mother's day a really nice post for his mother and his kid and it's all this like sappy shit and i swear to god i'm taking crazy pills i mean the comments are just flooded with like celebrities and people

just like love it's amazing how cute endless comments it can't i don't i don't he's got to be like monitoring his comments or something right otherwise we're not on the same worldwide web we are not on the same fucking internet that's insanity that's insanity it is it's insanity john say it it's insanity it. It's fucking insanity. And I'm like, good, I guess. But no. No. Not good. No. Not good. No. It's just... I think you just got

in trouble too early. I think now the internet's... Well, it is. No, but it's a different America. But it is. Honestly, as much as we're joking, he just played the cancel culture card and people were like, yeah, it's not right that he's losing his job. It's like he's fucking – it's crazy. You see Aaron Paul and his wife and Jeremy Renner and all these fucking celebrities.

Wait, they were – Yes. Arts, arts. Amazing. So cute. Like, what? I saw one comment that was like, you posted this from a hotel room with a teenager. One.

I surfed all 2,100 of them. I found one! I want to be like, like it. Talk to him, Dave! Let him know! Let him know,

SkiGuy420! Fucking madness. Alright, hang on a second. Was that actually his name? No, no, no. I wish I did know. That was super specific. I know.

I don't know why ski came to my mind. I was like, what's a hobby? Let me see if I can find it. I will give a full shout out to this guy. The only problem is it was like hundreds of comments deep. It's like it's just they're all just good nice comments i think you have a burner for crystal i might make one this fucking guy this fucking guy yeah i'll find him eventually though you will get your shout out

sir you see elon did you watch elon over the did not, no. Did you see any of it after the fact? No, but did you see his SpaceX thing? Yeah. I mean, that's just, like, it's the most cock-shaped thing. Oh, oh, oh, I thought you, okay, no, I didn't see that. What is it? Show it to me. I mean, I thought you were talking about, like, what he did with Dogecoin and SpaceX. This thing looks more like a penis

than my penis. You got a fucking weird-looking penis. I got a fucking weird looking penis. I mean, like, that's just like, that's such a cock. That's a cock. That's like,

why does it have to have balls? There's no reason for that to look that much of a dildo. Yeah, that's such a fucking, that looks like, like blast off into someone's pussy. That's like, Elon is so online that he's making rockets that look like cocks. into someone's that's that like elon is so online

that he's making rockets that look like cock that might not be just so far like he might be like make it like a dick will go viral yeah because everything else at this point is a meme and a joke and a storyline that's like why not the fucking rocket itself yeah i'm surprised he didn't fucking spray paint doge on the side of it so so he he tanks doge by saying it's a hustle and then just comes out the next day and is like, but we funded the spaceship with Doge and you can buy tickets with Doge. It's like, you want to talk about a hustle. It's what you're fucking doing.

Going up, down, up, down. I mean, this shit with the crypto coins is amazing. He's one of the most influential guys in the world. He can just tweet and bring it up, tweet and bring it down and just do it accordingly it's pretty fucking brilliant it's a pretty good hustle he also his his snl was like not obviously not good but he he copped to it so quickly where he was like yeah i'm not gonna be a normal guy he was like i you know he was like i i make electric cars and spaceships i'm not gonna be a normal dude so when he wasn't that good it was kind of like well it was like endearing almost like yeah he's a weirdo who's trying and it really wasn't

that bad i mean it was it was not good but it was like it was fine i don't know it was like if you saw a non-actor non-entertainer athlete do it it's like yeah that's what i expect but i i don't understand the hatred that the cast had for him i don't understand any of it people are acting like he's a fucking dictator who kills people. Do you think he's the first rich host of SNL? Yeah. You understand it.

Everyone's wealthy. All of them are mega celebrities. Right. And yes, Elon Musk is crazy rich. $200 billion is fucking unimaginable wealth. Everyone who's ever hosted SNL had more money than they need. Right. And could help

hunger and help this and help that and don't. And then it was just like he had those weird tweets. But he even copped to that. He was like he did a skit where he was a cowboy and he had a mask on. And he was like, yeah, you know, I once thought that masks didn't do anything, but now I understand their value. It's like,

that's what you do. He was self-deprecating. He was kind of witty. I mean, Fauci said masks. Right. That's what I'm saying. It's like science of all people are new things. If you're going to hold people to the standard of like, you can't host. If you said anything incorrect about SNL, well, then like no about COVID, then nobody

can. Everybody was wrong at some point. So, but like, yeah, all in all, not a bad performance by him. But the Doge thing is funny. I'm done with Do we're on to hoge block folio i'm talking to you block folio put hoge on your fucking platform just do it what do you have to lose tell me that riddle me that i would guess nothing nothing nothing put it on if buy it, then that's good for you. If they don't, it just sits there and nobody buys it. Hoge. Hoge.

Hoge. Hoge. Hoge. Hoge. Hoge. Hoge. Hoge coin is the future, and we need Blockfolio to put it on their app. Because they've got every other crypto coin.

You can trade Bitcoin and Ethereum and Dogecoin and, I don't know, the other ones. The other ones that are out there. There's over 10,000 coins. There's over 10,000 coins on. How is there 10,000 coins on Blockfolio? And Hoge is not on there. I 10,001. Give me 10,001 Blockfolio. It actually is.

That is insane. Like I can't name seven coins. Right. How is there 9,999 others? Like everything on my Twitter and social media, Hogecoin is like super viral. Everything I do is mega retweets. Put Hoge on there and then everyone else, you can still buy anything else you want. Any of the other coins are available. Zero fees. You get a free coin with every

trade over 10 bucks and you can download the app, do it on your phone and it's all free when you download Blockfolio. so go download it today and i'm telling you when they add hoge because i know you're gonna do it it's gonna be a smart move i'm gonna be so rich i'm gonna be so rich there's no way this doesn't work there's no way this falls through there's no i actually was talking to tommy tommy lay about it because tommy lay has 93 million hoge coins so if and when hoge goes like public if you will like so the masses can buy it he's he's gonna have tons of money if this happens and i was like the only thing i'm worried about is like if they put some sort of regulation into place that like right before hoge's time we're like we can't do this again you know and he was like

that is something that would happen to us isn't it we're jets fans we're losers like you are i've never seen you this confident ever the mets are playing well the knicks are playing well hoge is coming i said i was on the mets podcast but we were talking about the knicks and the mets i was like i think i'm gonna get hit by a car or something soon. Like, the other shoe has really got to drop for this, like, unprecedented sports, like, I mean, I just have two teams playing, like, pretty well, and I'm like, well, wait a second. I mean, the Knicks are, like, what, a three seed? They're the four right now. I think they have a chance at the three, but probably will be the four.

Julius Randle's, like, an MVP. They play defense. They're, like, a good team together. R.J. Barrett, like, had a They play defense. They're like a good team together. RJ Barrett had a big second year. I mean, watch out for the Knicks. That's all I'm saying. Watch out for the Knicks. So yeah, but download your blockfolio and buy and wait until you get your

hoge and then buy as much of it as you fucking can. I feel like you've been on one. Have you been on a little bender? Yeah. Oh yeah, big time. I just feel like I've been on one. Have you been on a little bender? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Big time. I just feel like I'm seeing a lot of social media at the bar. Yeah. And I don't know if it's because you're at the bar more frequently or if it's because

you just turn your phone on and throw it at everybody. Everybody in sight, in public, Feidelberg puts on his camera, like starts recording a video and just throws it at you. And if you drop it at you and you if you drop it you will be shamed i i i think people don't appreciate the fact that like there's not a case i don't have a case it is it is a caseless phone i'm that is crazy that's almost like those things were like if you if you smoke it's definitely broken right there with you yeah but like it should be shot i watch like four times a weekend he throws it across the bar

and it just falls right to the ground that's like when you smoke and drink till you're like 116 and the person who like takes vitamins every day and washes their hands after they piss they you know they die of coronavirus when they're 21 that i mean hey hey blah blah hey bibs hey scotty hey this hey that and it's like you better catch it i feel like uh if you don't catch vitalberg i i think what i will do is I will catch it and I will spike it. I will be like, I'll spike that shit. I was going to throw it to you pretty soon. I will spike it.

Not like this week. I won't spike it, but I will probably take it and take a picture of my boss. I will put it down my pants. I will let it just record and i will yeah that'd be great we'll do something ridiculous no doubt for sure uh but yeah no i definitely got a better it's actually a thing where it's like so my girlfriend went home this weekend oh no so like i was just i was left to my own devices yeah it is idle hands man insane that men exist.

That phrase, like, women make an honest man out of you, it's not an honest man. It's like, we make a functioning adult out of you. Because when we're left alone. She was gone for 15 minutes. And my apartment was a disaster. Food, garbage. And it's not like she cleans it. But you keep yourself in

check a little bit right she's around yeah like like i i pay attention to what i'm doing and things like that it was a fucking nightmare like everything was there i had there was one point just like one of the couch cushions were off you just almost on the floor it's like why is this even why was that like i walked out i was like floor. It's like, why is this even happening? Why was that? Like, I walked out, I was like, why the fuck? Like, how did that even happen? And guess what? I didn't put it back because who cares?

Yeah. It was clothes everywhere, chips everywhere. It's like you get the bag out and you're just like, blah. Yeah, like it was,

why? Because I care. Bro, Wendy's three times. Yeah. Like, just French fries all over the apartment.

It was It's the best. Isn't it the best? It was stunning. Yesterday morning I was just like looking around and I was like how the fuck

did I even do this? I remember when I when I first became single again I was like wait I can do anything. I want. Anything I don't want.

Literally. Whenever I want. Whenever I don't want. I was left to my own devices. It's freedom. And I ruined it. Yeah. Well that is the thing we take it too far like like all things in life moderation and you take it too far the other day so so the problem is when you like kind of what you just described you have a woman in your life who uh yeah in a lot of ways like like is good for you

a good influence it kind of balances you out but also in a lot of ways it's almost like the teacher like watching you right so you do that for years and years and years and years when you're married and like you grow to hate it right so my dad has been married for like 40 fucking years can't stand each other they hate it and we heard this story the other day about this guy who like he has a full-blown drinking problem like needs to go to rehab like passed out you know at like family events in front of his kids and my dad's's like, well, I mean, who among us? A lot of us among us. I don't know.

And he's like, but, you know, like who hasn't? And I was like, I'm pretty sure like they had to send him to the hospital, like, you know, at the family event. He was like, you know, it happens. I was like, dad, sometimes your wife goes to the bathroom for a minute. And you got to go to Betty Ford. Like, but but yeah, I mean, the bender, the like the bender is coinciding with the milkshake post. Oh, no, no.

Because the milkshake posts are post workout. Yeah, but I'm not drinking. I'm just saying that, like the amount of each, I, I feel like you've got a healthy dose of everything. You know what you're doing is living a healthy and balanced life. Yeah, actually, right? Yeah. You're learning words. You're eating protein.

You're working out. You're getting shit-faced. That's living. Living, brother. Yeah, no problem with that. As you're saying it, I'm like, he's making good points. My kid, Finalberg, is living the life. I might be the healthiest I've ever been right now.

Healthy as a horse who fucking takes anti-inflammatories. Top fives? We'll do a little top five. It's brought to you by Manscaped. Do you wash your hands after you Manscaped? No. Well, yeah, I do. Because I just get right in the shower.

Yeah, but I don't know. if you weren't, would you? All I'm doing is holding the fucking thing. I mean, the way I do it. Oh, no, you get in there. Yeah. I'm going to have some hair on my hands afterwards. Oh. I have a question.

Proceed, Jackie. Do you guys ever do, like, the hose thing? Like, when you pee? The what? Can you do guys ever do the hose thing? Like when you pee? The what? Can you do the hose thing? The hose thing. You know what I mean. Oh, oh.

You put your thumb over it? Yeah, and spray it. I think you could. You definitely could. I've squeezed and then let go. Oh, yeah, I've squeezed like I did all the time. Yeah, that's cool. It like builds up. Yeah, that's cool. It like builds up.

Yeah, it's very fun. Yeah. But no, you can also do that with other things. But the thumb over the top, I've never done that. First of all, you're just pissing all over your hands. We're not a fucking, we're living in a society, Jackie. There are rules here. You've never tried that?

The fact that she's calling it the hose thing makes me feel like there's a bunch of guys in California who are just doing this. What would you call it? I'm just saying the way you're saying it makes it feel like I did the hose thing with my dick. I guess I said it like it was a common term. It sounds like something you would do if you had a dick.

Guess what I'm doing later today. You're going to do it later today? I'll do it when I'm in the shower i'm not i mean it would be a wreck it would be a fiasco but i'm gonna give it a whirl sounds like a really don't tempt me with a good time yeah yeah i mean it's not really fun it would probably be it would be a mess it'd be a mess but in the shower i'll do it in the shower yeah we'll check it out still trying to send a video of my dick cracking just hasn't cracked like since i said it i got a dm the guy being like just stop talking about your dick cracking he's like i've been listening to you forever like enough's enough and much like your milkshakes i'm like i'm gonna do more yeah i'm

gonna talk about nothing but my dick crack top fives brought to you by manscaped manscaped has the lawnmower 4.0 we are on the fourth generation the Lawnmower here with Manscaped and KFC Radio. I believe they got down with the original Lawnmower. So now the 4.0 trimmer is available for purchase in the USA and Canada. Can you grab me one, too? Nope. Over 2 million men worldwide trust Manscaped. And you can get 20% off all your Manscaped products when you

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I feel like I'm the astronaut who has the the the headlights like and i'm like doing some work on the fucking ship i watched the worst space movie ever by the way oh my god so bad voyagers never so bad you love space love space i'll watch anything about space i'll tell you about in a second it was so bad uh so you you trim with the lawnmower and then you use the um the uh the crop preserver and you use the uh skin toner and all these lotions and creams they have manscaped boxers that have moisture wicking so you don't sweat uh and then uh you by the way i uh how about this because we've talked about this before

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Would you, if you only had one, would you shave your face and your balls? I would, yeah. I have no problem. I haven't always had multiple, but I have a Manscaped for my balls, and then I have. A face trimmer? Yeah. Because I have. I have a a Manscaped for my balls. And then I have a face trimmer. Yeah, I have. I look at Manscaped works for your face as well.

Just I mean, obviously, it's just hair on your body. But so I have two for both. So go to Manscaped dot com. 20% off plus free shipping when you use the code KFC. That's Manscaped dot com promo code KFC. Voyagers so bad if the idea it could have been so cool the idea was you got to get to another planet because

Earth's fucked which that must be happening right because that's what every movie is about they're like the planet they found is 86 years away so anybody who goes like you're dead and the idea was that your grandkids are going to be the ones who get to space but because you'd go up to space and you'd have nothing to live for and you would

miss earth and the outdoors and shit you would like lose your mind so they breed the crew they make test tube babies with like nobel prize winners and mit engineers and they grow them in like a lab and like these bags and then they grow them in a lab in these bags, and then they grow them like they raise them as kids. They never go outside. They never do anything but work on spaceships and stuff so that they're like, this is just their life. And it's like, we're going to send you to space,

and you're going to breed, you're going to have kids, and you're going to die, and they're like, they don't care because they just never experience regular life. And then they get up there. Sounds awesome. It's so cool. So they're like, they don't care because they just never experienced regular life. And then they get up there. Sounds awesome. It's so cool. So I was like, this is fucking dope. And Colin Farrell is the professor.

One adult goes with them. And he's like, I want, cause he's like, he's like their teacher, but he almost feels like their father. And he wants to like raise them and make sure they're okay. And when they're on the ship, they drink this thing every day.

And it has like a hormonal suppressant because they were like, if we send people up there, they're just the ship, they drink this thing every day. And it has, like, a hormonal suppressant. Because they were like, if we send people up there, they're just going to fuck and reproduce. And you're going to, like, have assault and all sorts of problems and shit. So they just have a bunch of, like, kids running around who are, like, they got no hormones, no emotions, no nothing. It's so fucked up. And, like, it's accurate. How humanity works. Like, if we teach them about sex sex they're going to rape each other

Yeah basically How about this More importantly there's only a finite amount of food And resources on this ship If they have unexpected children They'll be done with the resources So it's like kids Wait was it you who was talking about the other movie

With some other space movie probably where there was a stowaway yeah terrible okay i've been watching a lot of bad space um but it was like you know imagine that if it was like if you guys fuck each other and have kids everyone's gonna die and it'd be like well that's okay i'm not even gonna pull out like that's just how it worked uh anyway it just turns into like lord of the flies in space it's ridiculous i mean it's so bad so bad but such a cool concept i was like this when it started off i was like this was a good purchase and when it ended i was like that was so bad honestly like you haven't been trying to sell me but you've sold me i didn't turn it off i did watch the

whole thing like like i'm kind of into this movie. You said you gave the concept. You mentioned Colin Farrell. I was like, yeah, I did. It's one of those things. You ever see a movie that's borderline and you say it sucked just to cover your bases? Yeah. Because if someone sees a movie that you didn't like and they liked it, it's like, oh, a pleasant surprise. If I tell you a movie is good and it's bad, you come back to me like, what the fuck?

You wasted my time. You know what I mean? Also, I did the exact opposite. You hype movies. I say it's awesome just to cover my bases. But then I watch a movie that sucks. And I'm like, you the fuck? You wasted my time. You know what I mean? Also, I did the exact opposite. You hype movies up. I say it's awesome just to cover my bases. But then I watch a movie that sucks and I'm like, you told me it was good. And then I'll just double down.

No, it was awesome. You're an idiot. You don't know what good movies are. That's what he does. That is what he does, folks. Top fives are today is top five breakfast foods. And I will tell you why. John will tell you why. We were doing a video for New Amsterdam that involved drafting a bunch of ingredients, different foods and drinks and mixers and whatnot.

And one of them on the list was vanilla ice cream. And so there was a bowl of vanilla ice cream out there. And PFT was just crushing that ice cream. John grabbed a spoon, dug right in because he's a fatso. He offered. He went, John, would you like some ice cream? I said, absolutely If you offer John Vitalberg some ice cream, he ain't saying no folks And then

we were just standing there in the kitchen and PFT just very casually was just like, you know, I've often thought that ice cream is one of the better breakfast foods No cameras, no nothing for content, man's just said that ice cream is a breakfast food but he's not he's not wrong it's a dairy product it's it's creamy i feel like i don't know and then he he

he also he continued to defer the argument where he was just like look if you just start the day with ice cream like i don't know it's gonna be a pretty good day good and i was like he's not wrong like it's a treat it's a dessert yeah you started the day. And I was like, he's not wrong. It's a treat. It's a dessert. If you started the day with ice cream, the day can't go that bad. No. It can only go down from here, to be honest.

That would be my only argument. It's like, we're starting too high. It's all downhill once you add some ice cream. He was very passionate. Not very passionate, but very genuine about it. He's like, yeah, no, I just think this is a great breakfast. I was like, huh. He might be right.

He might have just reinvented breakfast foods. How about that? Don't fucking say. So we decided top five breakfast foods, which I have not given a single ounce of thought to until right now. Nope. So you can go first. Okay. Okay.

I mean, like, okay, so we're're gonna be obviously more broad i'm not gonna name an exact cereal i'm gonna say cereal yes correct okay so yeah i'm taking one cereal cereal is far and away the number one because it's just easy like when you wake up in the morning you don't want i i don't want to fucking make even bacon is too much for me i don't want to make bacon i want to make eggs i don't want the only beef i have with your pick is i don't want, I don't want to fucking make, even bacon is too much for me. I don't want to make bacon. I want to make eggs. I don't want to do anything. The only beef I have with your pick is, I don't even call it breakfast food. It's just a delicacy.

I mean, I literally don't have it for breakfast. I have it for dinner all the time. The other day, I was talking to that financial advisor. He's like, yeah, you know, I don't want you to, you know, do anything reckless with your money. But also, I don't want you to like, you know, I don't know, eat cereal either. Like, you know, upgrade. I was like, sir, I could be Elon Musk and I'm eating cereal four times a day. Multiple bowls.

I don't care what happens to me. Cereal forever. So great pick. It's a great pick. Thanks. Can I say something real quick, by the way? Speaking of the draft we just did, I think I ate too many pickles. I had about four.

I have like. I got a belly full of bacon and pickles right now. I have exactly that. And it is not going well. It's actually deterring me from picking bacon. Does it? Are you in pain? I'm not in pain. I'm in like a pretty fair amount of pain right now.

Like this entire show, I've been in a pretty fair amount of pain. I've been in like. Like it feels like someone is just squeezing my stomach. I'm not gassy. I just. in a pretty fair. I've been in like, it feels like someone's just squeezing my stomach. I'm not gassy. It feels like someone. I don't know if it's the pickles as much as just the general picture of an unhealthy man. It could be the bender.

It could be the endless amounts of milkshakes you drink. It's pickles and bacon. That's literally all I've eaten today. It is pickles and bacon. It's pickles and bacon. When I laugh, it hurts. You're making me hurt more now. I'm in so much pain right now, it's not even funny. What I'm doing right now is

borderline heroic. Well, it's also because we're trapped in the death coffin! There's no windows! I swear to God, it's a concentration camp in here. I feel like they're putting gas in here. I will say, you started looking real sweaty about a minute ago. I know. Can you pass me that fucking paper towel?

I was doing good. And then I start thinking about pickles and bacon. That's right about when it started looking a little greasier. Yeah, the pickles and bacon. I was like, you're convincing me that it's meat. The only thing I have in my body at the moment is pickles and bacon. It's so much salt.

You know what happened to me one time? The only time I've ever really dieted was when I was first getting married. I was like, pickles have zero calories. This is like a hack. I'm just going to eat pickles non-stop. Then I almost exploded. If you hit me with a pin, I would pow.

This is having the opposite effect. My first pick will be bagels. Oh. Oh, God. Can I tell you something? One of my favorite things in the world is Feidelberg suffering. I love it. When his back goes, when his stomach goes, he is just the best.

Watch suffer. It's amazing. Like, when I just reacted to that, I felt. I felt it, too. It was funny in a good way. It's like somebody, there was a little midget behind you and just stabbed you. It feels like there's a little midget inside of me just hugging my stomach. This goes with my argument of you guys are so dramatic.

What? You had four pickles. I had more than four pickles. By the way, that's a lot of pickles for someone to have. How often do you eat four pickles, Jackie? I could easily... I have eaten four pickles. Four pickles and, like, several slices of bacon?

That's not going to feel good. Every time I'm hungover, I'll have, like, ten pickles. Is that your hangover food? Yeah, you had the olives. Yeah, olives. Olives are literally my last choice. If we did a food draft, the last food on Earth. It would be my 296,000th pick.

They're so good. They're disgusting. They are vile, vile fucking food. Your pick. Okay. All right. I refuse to choose bacon. Number two. It's actually going to choose bacon. Number two.

It's actually going to be awesome. We just, in real life, literally drafted bacon. And now we won't do it in our fictional draft. I have too much in me right now. I am full of bacon. I cannot. I might puke. We'd have a streak going.

We'd have a streak going. I puked after last episode. It is. It's getting progressively worse. I am going to go with number two. I'll take sausage. Fuck bacon.

Sausage patties or links? Patties. I'm a patty guy. The only links I like are those little frozen ones that are basically patties just in a link. You ever seen those? No. You know how patties have that hamburger look? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They have these like, I think they're like Jimmy Dean or whatever. They're like frozen ones. Oh, brown and serve. Brown and serve. You ever have brown and serve? They're awesome. They come in a box. They're frozen.

You can put them frozen into the pan. But the point is, they're just like the patty but in a box. They're frozen. You can put them frozen into the pan. But the point is they're just like the patty but in a link. When you get the link that's, like, gray with the casing around it. No. And when you get it. I mean, look. I'll eat that. No, I won't.

Sometimes I won't. When I order a sausage, egg, and cheese and I get it and I see that they slice the links and there's, like, little arches, you know, I'm like, sometimes that's too much. It is. It's not good. I won't. Snapches, you know? I'm like, sometimes that's too much. It is. It's not good. I won't say. Snap is, you know. But the, I've eaten it plenty of times. I'll have it.

It's fine. But it's not great. But it is. The people who think that bacon, egg, and cheese is a superior sandwich to sauce, egg, and cheese are borderline the stupidest people alive. But I would take bacon over the links. Sauce, egg, and cheese with a patty is the superior sandwich. I would take it. It's the greatest sandwich.

It's by far the greatest sandwich. I would throw hash brown on there as well. Sometimes I replace the eggs with the hash brown. Just hash brown, sausage, and cheese. That sounds quite nice. It's great. Because sometimes the eggs are too much. Sometimes I like a little bit of egg.

When you get a sausage, egg, and cheese that has like a fucking inch and a half of egg, that's too much. Sometimes I like a little bit of egg. When you get a sausage, egg, and cheese that has like a fucking inch and a half of egg, that's too much for me. Yeah. I like the sausage and the cheese to kind of be the dominating. Sometimes I just get sausage and cheese. I just get sausage and cream cheese. That's

one that I remember being like, that's disgusting. And then I had it and I was like, that's good. But that is a that is a artery clogger. And then I had it and I was like, that's good. But that is a breakfast cheeseburger. That is a artery clogger. That's like you're going to have a heart attack later today. Cream cheese and sausage. I mean, you've had worse.

I would say it sounds worse, but it can't be worse than bacon egg and cheese. I feel like cream cheese is kind of dairy-ish. So are eggs and cheese, Kevin. That's why I said it slowly. I was like, I'm about to contradict myself.

Yeah, you're right. It definitely sounds worse, but I think if we think about it, it's not that bad. Or it's not healthy, but it's if we think about it, it's not that bad. Or it's not healthy, but it's just not as bad as other stuff. I'll have to take the eggs. Eggs? It's just the foundation. And it's also so versatile. I go on my kicks where I want, like, eggs over easy, where I'm just eating them as, like, an egg platter.

Then I want them on my sandwich. Then I want them cheesy eggs just scrambled on a platter. You know, eggs are important. Eggs, soft-boiled eggs are maybe the most underrated thing on the planet. Wait, what's soft-boiled now? I don't know. I'm not. What's the difference between hard-boiled and soft-boiled?

You just mean poached? Yeah, I think that's what you mean. I love poached eggs. That's when you like. No, but what's the ones they put in ramen? Those aren't hard boiled. There's a soft boiled where you like, you like do it for like half the time and then it's like hard. Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I pulled it. I keep thinking they pull it. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Where you, you like half boil it and then the inside is like, and then you like, you like. Yeah, those like, the eggs they put in ramen are unbelievable. And poached eggs are also delicious. But the eggs they put in ramen are like. The point being, you can do all these ways.

Yeah. Eggs Benedict and poached and over easy, over hard, over soft, over fried, over scrambled, all that shit. Eggs. Oatmeal. Oh, that's terrible. No. For your third pick, you could have had that with your final pick.

There was no way I was going to pick oatmeal. I mean, oatmeal is, you put some raisins in oatmeal. Put, that's terrible. No! For your third pick? You could have had that with your final pick. There was no way I was going to pick oatmeal. I mean, oatmeal is... You put some raisins in oatmeal. Put a little brown sugar. A little brown sugar, a little maple syrup. You could have had that with your final pick. I don't know. I just, like, it's just...

All right. I mean, there's a lot left on the menu. All right, I took Mac Jones. Sorry. I will go with... Waffles. I forgot waffles and pancakes existed. And then I was just deciding between,

you know, you can tap pancakes obviously, but I think I'm going to go with the waffles because I like that those little squares hold the syrup and I like them to be a little bit crispy. I think they're just crispier and better than the pancake in general. You're right. You're 100% right. I do like a good silver dollar pancake, though. When they give you like 30 of those little things. Silver dollar pancakes are awesome, because you get so many.

Actually, I think pancakes are superior because you can make them look like Mickey Mouse. Yeah, you can. You can do that with waffles, too. Just pour them in the same fucking bowl. Just pour the batter in the same fucking bowl. Just pour the batter in the same fucking thing. Oh, no.

I mean, waffle? You got a waffle maker. Yeah, that is shaped like Mickey Mouse. Well, I mean, that's crazy talk. You're just buying Mickey Mouse makers?

Well, I'm not. You can just do it with a regular pancake. Yeah, it's just three little holes. Three little fucking circles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, Mickey Mouse maker, that's... I see what you mean, yeah. just three little holes. Three little fucking circles. But yeah, Mickey Mouse maker.

I see what you mean. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I will take. Yeah, look at that one. It's like $29.99. Fuck you.

Fuck you, Fuddleburg. So I have bagels, eggs, waffles. I'm fucking kicking your ass. Fourth pick. eggs, waffles I'm fucking kicking your ass fourth pick cereal is a really good one though cereal is a good one to have this is going to be awesome people are going to be furious at this graphic if neither of us choose bacon

for the sake of that I'm trying to pick other things I'm being pretty disingenuous at this point because I probably would take it, though. Oh, I got one off the grid. I got a great one off the grid. Corned beef hash. That's a very good one. I love corned beef hash. I get two eggs over easy with corned beef hash on the toast, and I put it all in the toast together.

I don't even know what corned beef hash is. Is it easy with corned beef hash on the toast, and I put it all in the toast together. I don't even know what corned beef hash is. Is it potatoes with corned beef? Yeah, and I was going to take hash browns. Yeah, but it's just better. It's just better than hash browns. But am I still allowed for that? Yeah. Oh, okay.

Those are two different things in my mind. Okay. Hash browns. All right. So, yeah, I kind of want to use a different word because the hash and hash is. You can do home fries. Home fries. Home fries yeah, I kind of want to use a different word because the hash and hash is – You can do home fries. Home fries. Home fries.

Because I do think there's a difference. I think there's hash browns, home fries, and I think then there's breakfast potatoes. I think those are all different things, but they're all kind of the same thing. Yeah, it's all the same. They're all potatoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, potatoes, which are the best food in the world. Was that my fifth pick? Yeah. Okay. All right, so you're done. All right, so I got one more. Was that my fifth pick? Yeah.

Okay. All right, so you're done. All right, so I got one more. What else is not bacon? Just go put, like, blueberries. Yeah. Everything else. Oh, I'll take French toast.

Oh, great choice. Yeah. I actually, that's actually not. Yeah, no, that's a good pick. I would actually Oh, great choice. Yeah. I actually, that's actually not. Yeah, no, that's a good bet. I would actually have that over bacon. Yeah. Bacon, I will always, like Keegan likes to eat bacon. So I make bacon.

And then I eat the bacon. And I enjoy it. But I will never make it for myself, really. No, me neither. You know? Although, you know what I like? Really gross. Just a bacon sandwich.

Toast, a little bit of mayo, like a BLT, but without the LT. Without the LT. Just bacon. That's bizarre. I mean, the thing is, when I'm at home, I don't have lettuce and tomatoes sitting around. But I do have bacon. So I'm like, it's a BLT minus the LT. It's just a B.

I'm a single man. I don't have vegetables in the house. I mean, I don't have produce. I'm a single straight man. You think I got vegetables? I don't have... Yeah, I a single straight man. You think I got vegetables? I don't have... Yeah, I got a fucking dildo I shove up my ass to. I don't have like wet food, you know?

Like lettuce and tomatoes and vegetables and fruits. Anything that's wet, I don't have it. I only got dry food. I'm like a dog. Almost all of my food is wet. Oh, it's because you're gay. I got one good sleeper one. Cold pizza in the morning.

That's outside the box. I like that. Chinese food in the morning. Steak. Palma chicken. By the way, the wet thing. I got to find this comedian's name. Because I saw a clip of him, like this guy the other day, talking about Lunchables.

And he was like, is it the greatest marketing scheme of all time? He's like, because guess what? Put that in a brown paper bag and tell someone it's lunch. He's like, I got three crackers and some wet meat. But you put it in a little thing, in little compartments, and you're like, ooh, this is cool. Yes, him. What's his name? Brendan Eyre?

Brendan Neary? Play that shit. That's funny. Is it a long clip? Yeah, it's five minutes okay uh that is it is great marketing and it's i mean i used to love the like oscar my i hate a big piece of oscar mario ballon i only like boar said put in a lunchable i'll eat oscar mario ballon it's complete madness complete and total i eat lunchables all the time. All the time.

Like, I get Lunchables. And also, by the way, they're like $8 a pop. It's wildly overpriced. I eat Lunchables like Jack eats pickles. I eat Lunchables all the time. Do you remember the pizza one? Oh. It was like, here's just a cold, hard piece of dough, a bag of marinara, a stick, and a little bit of cheese.

And we're going to call that pizza. That is deplorable. It is. Bro, I had a friend who would cook it. Yeah, well, good for him. You should. Oh, no. Who wants to eat an uncooked pizza the cheese doesn't melt

like because it's not real cheese he would put it like in the toaster i mean dude you are putting way too much effort into eating this well yeah no that's i mean just get me wrong just get the sustenance in you and let's move on i would never do it don't get me wrong but him wanting his fucking pizza to be cooked versus raw is not that crazy. How about I never had this, but I believe I heard my boy Ross Bolin and his but his co-host Jared talking about this. I didn't know this existed. Taco Lunchable. Oh, I forgot it existed. Is it like is it like ground beef?

It's like it's like you squeeze meat out of a package. Wow. I mean, that's dog food. Let's go with spade to spade. That's dog food in a bag. But they were like, you know, we got some extra Purina left over. Let's give it to the elementary schoolers. Lunchables are the greatest paradox because if you had lunchables,

it meant your parents loved you, But it also meant they hated you. That's so good. That is so true, man. They did not care for your well-being at all. But they wanted you to be happy. Yeah. Oh my god.

That is disgusting. Yet mouth-watering. Again, the perfect paradox. That can't be America, is it? That cannot be. You just saw that plate and you were like, Mexico. That is Mexico, brother.

I cannot believe that that happened. Am I in America? Might be the funniest moment in Son Sunny history. She's like, am I in America? The way she says America is so fucking funny. Oh, man. I am.

Did you see McElhinney's Mother's Day poster? Yes. And then he finished it with like, my love, my wife, my birds. And somehow, it was way more romantic than Chris D'Elia's, I'll tell you that much.

Voicemails are brought to you by Shady Rays. The weather has almost turned, which means you're allowed to wear sunglasses again. You know that's the thing about mine, Jackie? You can only wear sunglasses when the weather, when it's warm out. Can to wear sunglasses again. You know that's a thing of mine, Jackie? You can only wear sunglasses when it's warm out. Can't wear sunglasses in the winter. That's fair. Did you hear that?

She agreed with me. She said that's fair. Suck it. Hey, John. Suck it. The sun reflects off the snow. So what? Like, it's harder.

Sunglasses should be more used in the winter. No. You wear them to the beach. You wear them to the pool. You wear them out. I wear them everywhere. There's sunglasses. The sun is out literally every day.

Not literally every day, but like 99% of the day. The sun during the summer, it's closer to the planet, so it's brighter. You need the sunglasses. The sun comes out. You just spend, it's closer to the planet. So it's, it's brighter. You need the sun. The sun comes out. You just spend a lot of time in the snow. Sorry. What? Yeah.

Like, I mean, like, like I don't go skiing or anything. I don't need the fucking, you know, I don't even see the snow anymore. It's like, you know, that's not, that's not true, but like, you know, it turns to slush and just mud in New York, like really quickly. There's not like blinding white snow. There is. It's just, you just have to go outside. Yeah. I don't white snow. There is. You just have to go outside. I don't do that.

In the winter, I don't go outside. There is absolutely snow in New York City. Not enough that you're like, ah, I'm blinded. Yes. No. Bro, it snowed a lot this winter. It turned black within like a minute. No.

Yes. Incorrect. You're never walking down Fifth fifth avenue like oh i'm blinded by the sun reflection of the snow not fifth seventh avenue yeah no no no no but it doesn't matter because it's almost it's almost summer so you are allowed to buy your sunglasses and i say that you go to shady rays to buy them because uh shady rays is down with with with one of my um one of my mantras and that's don't ever buy expensive sunglasses. Because you're going to break them or sit on them or lose them or bend them or they get just bent out of shape a little bit.

And you're like, oh, my God, like $300 down the drain. So Shady Rays, you can buy several pairs for the cost of a normal overpriced pair. They start at just $48. So go get yourself like two, three pairs, three, four pairs, and you're set for the summer. So when you lose a couple, break a couple, someone steals one pair, you lose a pair in the ocean, you've got another backup with Shady Rays that are stylish and quality made.

So there's free returns and exchanges if you don't like it. You either love the shady raise or they'll pay for you to ship them back. They also do some good stuff. They do some stuff that's good for the community. They provide 10 meals to fight hunger with every order placed. Unlike that asshole Elon Musk.

You buy one fucking Tesla. What do you think of his truck? I think I might buy that truck. You think of a cyber truck? I think I might get a cyber truck. Kevin, please get a cyber truck. Right? Like, it would be ridiculous if I was rolling around in a Batman thing.

Like, I think it's coming to America next year, and I think it's like 50 grand. Like, it's not like a crazy... Oh, Teslas actually aren't that expensive. Yeah, I thought they were, but they're not.

They're not. And the first thing I will do when I get it is I will throw a brick at the window. And we will find out if it's truly indestructible because when elon threw that brick through the fucking through the window at the at that big conference it was the funniest thing that ever that was it wasn't elon right no it was it was elon who threw it oh i don't know if he's he was there though yeah because he was like uh well you know we'll work on that

but that's also that's like he's so online that was on purpose well but i would say it it's actually it he just benefited from being such a social misfit like a normal person would be embarrassed but being the robot that he is he was like well we will fix that problem like anyone else would be like oh my god that's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened i said it was i think i honestly think he planned it just to go viral yeah it's a cool ass truck it's like it's either the coolest truck or the lamest truck of all time you know what i mean yeah it's it's just the 2020 what year is it 2021 it's just the 2021 hummer yeah like it the hummer and that truck are the only things that have ever been grossly

out of place. You know? Like, everyone else's car looks relatively the same, and then you have a Batman truck. Like, you know what I mean? Like, 50 years from now, I think all cars will kind of look like that. Right, right, right. But he just made a car 50 years too early. He just made it look like a fucking spaceship.

Well, I mean, like, we haven't made any cars that look like Hummers. Yeah, well, that's, yeah, Hummer. I guess Hummer probably has that one pre-lockdown. Yeah, well, Hum's what, yeah, Hummer. I guess Hummer probably has that one, pretty locked down. Yeah, well, Hummers are just stupid. I don't think we haven't made any cars that look like Hummers because they're stupid. Like, okay, you can just keep making those Hummers, you assholes. That shit got four miles to the gallon at one point or something crazy like that.

What? It was like single digits to the gallon. It was madness, dude. But I'll be wearing my shady rays while I'm inside my, what's it called? Cybertruck? Yeah. That's crazy. I'll be cruising with my Shady Rays on my Cybertruck. Go to ShadyRays.com

use code KFC and get 50% off when you buy two pairs or more so you get a good old BOGO. That's two pairs of sunglasses for $48. You are not going to beat that. Nope. Not for the quality that you're going to get with Shady Rays so ShadyRays.com promo code KFC for 50% off

when you buy two pairs or more let it rip what up KFC fights so when I'm on a once in New York traffic my favorite thing to do is when the light turned green about two seconds ago and somebody honks at me to go, sometimes I'll just hit the brake and just stop for a second just to say,

fuck you. So my question is pretty simple. What's the pettiest thing you do on a daily basis? Let me just say, I won a great race today. Oh, driving in. Yeah. There was this BMW, like a matte

green type of thing. That sounds nice. It was. Blacked out windows, blacked out windshield, and it had that engine that goes like, it's like, you know that one? No.

It almost sounds bad. It almost sounds like there's something wrong with it, but I think it's intentional. It's like afterwards. And this guy, he pulled this move on the West Side Highway, or not even on the Henry Hudson. It was like my car, next car, next car, next car. They were all perfectly staggered, and he went zip, zip, zip, zip, zip. And he zigzagged in and out of six cars.

It was like some Mario Kart shit. And I'm sitting there. I got dusted. I just like, because I'm always racing in my head. When I drive to work, it is, it's Mario Kart. It is Cruisin' USA. And I pick certain spots. That's the finish line.

And I will beat certain cars there and then i just got kind of blocked in and he went pow pow pow pow and i was like and he was he was gone and i just floored it like 100 miles an hour to catch up to him and he was getting off at the exit that i wasn't getting off at so i just said in my mind that's gonna be the finish line boom and i beat him by like a nose. It was a great win. I'm undefeated. I am like 100-0 in my one-man races. But I love the honk when it goes green.

Do you? See, I am the exact same. I think I'm a Midwestern. Wait, let me finish. Yes, that's why I like it. Because it's the most obnoxious thing in the world. It is utterly ridiculous. And I like it the same way that I like that, like, you'll see a homeless man jerking off in New York City.

Or it's just like, you ain't going to get that anywhere else. And it makes you harder, you know? It makes you a man. It's like, I live in this fucking godforsaken city where they beep 0.2 seconds afterwards like my foot is about to hit the pedal and you are honking at me go i love it it's you are the biggest asshole in the world you're not gonna get that anywhere else you can't get anywhere else in the world i would i would sit there i think, probably for three lights. Like, if the person... Maybe on light four, I would... I'd be like, okay, maybe the guy died.

Maybe it's a medical emergency. You know what I hate? What's your biggest pet peeve? My biggest pet peeve? That other people do. Boy. You're good for some road rage right oh yeah yeah road rage because you know you're a pretty passive guy like you don't have rage anywhere else but you get in the car you got some rage yeah uh but my pet peeve

like i don't have one on the road it's just i'm i'm just i'm i'm ready to be furious at all times yeah like but that's a weird psychological thing, where people get in their car and they're just like, ugh. It's just like, I'm in my own little private space, I can do whatever I want in here, and if you fuck it up, I'm gonna kill you. While John sits there in silence with no music on,

like a serial killer. It is... I think my biggest pet peeve is always just unwanted noise So honking Honking would be up there Closing cabinets is one I put on the list Don't talk about the car John

You said biggest pet peeve Oh I meant like in the I thought yes within we're talking about cars I just thought we were just Motherfuckers said cabinets That's a good one though You know why? When someone closes the fucking

What do you call it? I know why I know why It's because You know what girls do when they're mad They slam the cabinets While you're just sitting there Peacefully enjoying your fucking show

They're like I guess I'll do the dishes And they slam the fucking cabinets Like alright well I guess If you're gonna be a child about it What's your biggest pet peeve in the car? My biggest pet peeve in the car Cause I have a very specific one When I am at When peeve in the car? My biggest pet peeve in the car. Because I have a very specific one.

When I am the second car, or if I am behind, if there's a left turn happening, and you don't go halfway into the intersection, so that I can get into the intersection, so that even if it goes red, we can go through, like motherfuckers who just stay at the white line, I'm like...

The great one. I will lay on the horn. If you're not going to get into the intersection so I can get through it, I have to stay at that next red light. I am honking at you. I mean, it's a great, great answer. I don't have anything in common. That one is just the worst. It's a very, very good one.

Isn't it crazy? I've said this before. I think when we talked about the Unabomber, I've said I've had this take many, many times. But that we all just follow the rules. Yeah. Like, just there's a series of lights and paint on the ground. You know? It's like, I want to be over here.

But there is a solid line painted on the ground. I can't do it. Can't do it. There's no cops. There's nothing. Can't cross that line. It's nuts. It's not.

I don't have more than two people in my car. Cannot drive on the lane with a diamond in it. Can't do it. Well, that one, like, if I get caught. Yeah, if I get caught, I'm going to get a ticket. That's the reason I would do it. Right, but I'm saying, yes. But if, like, you know there's no cops around, if you know it's late at night and there's nothing, like, which is always a cop that could, you know, yes. No, no, no.

I'd say 99% of people is like, yeah, there might be a cop right around the corner. But when you know you're good, it's like, it could be like 2 in the morning and there's nobody around. You're just sitting under a red light. Okay, it's green. Now I can go. The HOV lane is a different one. So that one's police. But this is a strong take that I also like.

I like it. Oh, yeah. It actually is proof positive that people are more good than they are bad. Or at least are more, like, compliant and want good and rules and order than not. You know what? You want to know something crazy? The people are good and stuff like that. You ever had the Citizen app? Is that like the police scanner kind of thing?

Yeah. Yeah, no. I don't give a shit about that. I don't give a shit about it either, but I had it for like, I don't know, just a few days. Just crimes all over the place. Consistently being committed within five feet of you.

I know. It's always like man with a bat on 29th Street. I'm like, fuck. Bro, fuck. It was,

someone got shot literally like right on my face. And I was like, if I lived in a neighborhood, like I'd lock the doors and so yeah I'm gonna go get milk right now

right I know it's madness if I lived in like the suburbs like I would be there is so much crime bro there was like I didn't even know

I live 15 blocks from Times Square I didn't even know about that shooting yeah I know we're like a bunch of people like I woke up in the morning I was like wait

there's a mass shooting yeah a half a mile from me I know that's also one of those things where it's like you know how we say the thanks there's several casualties uh but when like you know the news we're like oh the world is so terrible now it's like no it's not you just know more that's why like you shouldn't have the citizen app because all that does is just

there's no need for the world is spiraling out of control it's like it's just been this way forever bro people are getting shot and hit all the fucking time. Forever. That's just a fact. It was just like constant notifications. I deleted it. I was just like, well... I wasn't getting scared or anything like that. I was just like, I just don't need this. I don't care about this. That's not great for the mental health.

Next. Hey, boys. It's KFC Radio. I've just got a little quick question for you. So I was thinking about the other day, someone mentioned to me that they sleepwalk. So it got me thinking, if you could do one activity while you're sleeping and you didn't know you actually did it, what would it be? For example, I know I didn't explain that very well, but an example would be like I would, while I was sleeping, I would have my body do just crunches and abs all night long. And then when I woke up, I would just have to stick back out.

Well, that's not the answer. You'd be tired as fuck. You can't exercise all night long. But if for an hour in the middle of the night I exercised and then I woke up and it was done, set it and forget it, like the crockpot of exercising. I was going to say dentists. That's also good, too. It's like, I wish I could sleepwalk to the DMV. Sleepwalk to the dentist.

Sleepwalk to, you know, I don't know. Any appointment you don't want to go to. Oh, therapy. Therapy was going to be one, too. Therapy. I want you to, like, subconsciously talk me out of being a fucking crazy person but i do not want to participate honestly i don't know why you guys all collectively laugh i was very serious about that oh i was actually thinking like like that's kind of like an agreement i'm

pretty sure yeah yeah like i wish uh i think there are things like that like like books on tape like motivational things on tape where like you can play it at night and just let it sift into your brain. Not like therapy per se, but just like hypnosis almost. I start doing that shit. My answer is just everything I do. There's just so many things to do, and I don't want to do anything. If I could just be alive, but I don't have to do anything to be alive. It's called being rich, brother.

No, even if I was rich, I just wouldn't want to be alive. It's called being suicidal, brother. I don't want to do this. Bro, the people who are like, you know, like life is the greatest gift. No, it's not. Life is a lunchable. It's just marketing. Your greatest scam ever is that life is a gift.

And they tell you that story with every religion. They tell you that story in politics. They tell you that story in movies and songs. That like life is this gift to experience and behold. And it is nothing but one giant homework assignment. It's just one long to do. And her face is like terrified right now. She was like, oh, she said that she was going to work on the mental health of the crew.

And I think she gave up. Yeah, she has not made one attempt in weeks. I feel like we should start with like mantras or like affirmations. Okay. What's an affirmation?

We've got a couple right there. Grab those little fucking thingies. What are those called? We've got a couple good ones. We've got be normal. That's not... My personal favorite. This is the most important one, Jackie. Fuck you. We've got there's always toothpaste left in the tube. That's very incredibly positive.

That's not what I'm talking about. And then we've got... What people think of you is none of your business. These are three incredible mantras and affirmations that we all should live by. So, fuck you. What were you thinking of? I don't know. Just like

I You're terrible because you're more like us than the other people. That's why you're here. Well, I just feel like we could collectively raise the positivity of you know i would like i'd love jackie i'd love to do that yeah i would love to be more positive

you know who's a real problem is zach zach this weekend tweeted gq tweeted an investigation into what's causing the mysterious drop in sperm counts and how to reverse it and Zach said let's not reverse it babies stink and people really stink that was at 3 43 p.m. and then at 7 59 he tweeted everyone here is too happy what the hell is going on be sad and realize that the world is terrible he's in California on like a nice country club right now. Just do yourself. Do the world a favor and kill yourself. Get out of here.

What is that? He's playing golf, traveling around the world. If he can't live this life, don't fucking become an adult. It gets way fucking worse, pal. He makes... He's tough. I've turned over a new leaf. I'm positive about the Mets. I'm a happy guy. I'm the positive

guy of the bunch. You don't even believe that for it. I could just see it and hear it. I couldn't get the words out. I'm the... I'm a happy guy. Yeah, that's it. Happy. He's like Fonzie trying to say he's wrong. Great reference that only the old people are going to get. Do you know who Fonzie is?

Yeah. Yeah? Yes, I actually watch Happy Days. Okay. Really? Was that because of your parents or something like that? Well, yeah. Yeah.

Right, right, right. Well, your parents are probably like 38, so that's crazy that they... They're not 38. They're not 38. Your parents are probably what? Your parents are probably... You're 21? Mm-hmm.

Your parents are probably like 47? I actually don't know. I think they're like... I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, they're probably in their 40s. Okay, this is also what we're going to do, is we're going to do a suicide jar. Where every time you guys say it...

Oh, I like that idea. Oh, I love that idea. Yeah, and we'll donate it to some fucking kid who killed himself. I thought we were betting on who's going to do it. Really like that idea. Really like that idea. So like what? So every time someone says They're gonna kill themselves

We have to put money in the jar Like a Like a Like a Like a Like a quarter Like not a lot of money right Put the money towards hoge

Yeah yeah We'll have a hoge We'll have a hoge pot And then That's why I This weekend actually The Actually no it was last week

Whatever it was I was just like Just so you know, today's the day that like, this is the reason I don't allow guns in the house. Cause I would just do it. Jar. Jar.

That's like a five spot. That's like a $5 bill. That was like a literal reference to suicide. That's like a $20 bill in the jar. Bro, it's so easy. It would be so easy. Jar! Jar, man.

Speaking of pools, I know a crew of guys that every time one of them gets married, they have to put, I think, $500 to a pot. And the last guy who's a bachelor gets the money. It's up to $7,500. Really? That's pretty cool. So then when you're pot and the last guy who's a bachelor gets the money, it's up to like 7,500 bucks. Really? That's pretty cool. So then when you're like one of the last ones

to get married, it's like, you better really like that girl. Imagine if it was like, you're pretty legit, but not like $10,000. I thought you were legit. We're like, honey, let's hold off another year. Steve's definitely going to get married. Then we'll split the money.

We'll go on vacation. Imagine that. That's how I'm like, here's what you should do. Everybody out there. Tell your girl that you and your friends have a suicide pool, a marriage pool. And tell her, let's hold off. You've got to give her some hope. You got to say, we're one of the last ones.

Let's hold off a little while longer, and then we'll go on a bomb-ass honeymoon. And if she's down for that, then she's the real one. If she's one of these people who's like, I want to get married, so I don't want to wait, I want to be first, I want to beat my friends, all these other reasons. If it's like, yo, if you wait,

we're going to just have $10,000 more to do whatever we want with it. But you're like saying lie, right? Like this pot doesn't exist. Yeah, right. Right. So then you have to pay for that vacation. Yeah. So, so, so, so.

Then you have a bomb ass honeymoon you have to pay for. You want to have a bomb ass honeymoon anyway. Yeah, that's true. You know, and that, see, if she does that, she, like I said, is a real one, and then you should be willing to spend the money anyway. I guess. Or do a real pool. If you're young, I would absolutely do this right now if I could go back in time. It's too late for me.

But everybody, if you're all, like, just out of college, young, early 20s, do the pool. And make it big. I think it would be very cool if you had to put like $5,000 into the pot if you got married. And then some fucking bachelor at the end gets like a hundred grand.

That would be so awesome. So sick. And then that guy is kind of obligated to be like for my bachelor party we're fucking spending it. Right, right, right.

And then you're not even really $100,000 bachelor party. Pretty sick. That's a great idea write that one down for when we kill ourselves and get reincarnated last voicemail of the day is brought to you by the zebra

you know it's been a long year for quarantine of spending money that you know you don't really have with like late night purchases and ordering food and all the luxuries and you're spending all this extra cash uh and now it's time to make it up with uh one of the places one of the worst spots to spend money is insurance oh it's the worst it is because you're either you're either you're betting against yourself as a child living insurance i was gonna say i'm gonna get a Step on in here. Insurance is the most important thing.

It's super important to have. Because eventually you're going to flood your apartment or burn something down or crash a car. It's super important to have. Literally used it like many times in my life. Yeah. I'm not saying don't have it. But what I am saying is every time my insurance payment hits, I'm like, that is either money that's never going to be spent if I'm lucky. But then if I'm lucky, it's like I'm betting against myself, you know?

Right. So it's one of those things. It's just like, fuck. So that's why you want to spend the littlest you can on insurance while still getting good coverage. And that's what the zebra does. They make sure that you don't overspend on car and home insurance because most Americans, when you add it all up, they overspend by billions every year.

With a B. I'll tell you something. I pay car insurance on a car that doesn't drive anymore. It's no longer in existence. Caitlin's got a new car, and that one's gone, and she got her own insurance, and my premium just still pays it, and I went on the

Geico app to cancel it, and it says you have to call to cancel it, and I'm never going to do that. So I pay like $400 a month when I could easily just pay 200 and that's why I need this assistant. I need an assistant to just do these things for me. I'll do this one for you.

No you won't. Because I tried. I called it and it was like press this number, that number, this. And I was just like not fucking doing this. Not fucking doing this. So yeah. I need the fucking Zebra. So, yeah, I need the fucking zebra. I'm going to go to the zebra.com slash KFC. That's T-H-E-Z-E-B-R-A dot com slash KFC has all the policies, all the prices, all the coverage.

You pick out the one that's best for you, for what you need, and the state that you live. Make sure you get the right coverage for the cheapest amount possible. It's the zebra.com slash KFC. Last one. Let's go. What's up, KFC? Hi, Jackie and all the chicken heads out there. So last night I was off a little bit of that 3G and I just had an incredible high thought.

I was thinking, what is the most underrated convenience someone has invented for all of mankind? My personal take on this one is that they have limited the number of times that your phone can ring before it just goes to voicemail. So let me know your thoughts. I'm excited to hear them. And Viva. I actually didn't know they did that. Well, yeah, you did. Phones don't just ring forever. Oh, oh, I see. I see. I actually didn't know they did that. Well, yeah, you did. Phones don't just ring forever.

Oh, oh, I see, I see, I see. I thought he was saying there's been an update. Like, we cut down the time. No, no, but somebody, they probably did. You know, in like the 19... I don't know, when was the phone invented? 1900s? 1910s? Whatever it was, they were probably like,

we gotta stop this thing from ringing. Yeah, it was probably invented. 1874. Yeah this thing from ringing yeah it was probably 1874 yeah invented but when was it like in your house 1876 what yeah

I mean that's pretty good yeah um that's also when you had to fucking literally go ring ring ring ring ring um

I would say I also I actually said this the other day like you're and I actually I tweeted it after i called you and you didn't answer and i i did hang up but i was like anyone who like lets it ring until voicemail is an asshole oh yeah okay i'll i'll loser button you next time

wait i feel bad i feel rude oh oh i don't have the self-confidence to do a bitch button either um but i'm just saying like like i just know i'm like okay like he's it's rang three times he's not answering this phone right now i'm just hanging up oh oh you did the call yeah you'll hang up got it yes i agree with that i'll just hang up like he's i also love when i'm when i make a call that i don't want to make i i want to get to three rings so bad because then i can't hang up on two because Because two, someone might call back or be like, whatever. Three is kind of like, I tried and you didn't get it. You can just pretend this didn't happen. I'm like, I wait until three

and then the fourth starts. So the greatest convenience of all time that's not a major one, not like... It would automatic transmission count because that's a huge one. Automatic transmission is a good one. Obviously, there's like air conditioning and remote controls and all that stuff.

Oh, the zipper fly. Zippers in general. Zippers are a good one. Sit around buttoning your jacket and all that shit. Velcro is a good one. How about nutritional facts? No, I hate nutritional facts. I wish they didn't exist.

It's like, oh, this is convenient. I know what's in here. It's actually also. I mean, if you care, yes. But if you don't. Okay. I'm going to. Plastic covers.

Like, you know how. Like a top? Like you have to break a seal on something. Uh-huh. Like a top of the Orton shoes where you pull the tab? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The pull tab? Because...

Oh, I have the answer when you're done. I have the correct answer. Do you know about... I forget what it's called. It was in Chicago when someone just went around just putting cyanide pills in Advil? Yeah, that was a big thing. Because they just didn't have tops. Right.

Very convenient to have that top now. Close it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how you knew if the seal was broken, basically. Right. Yeah. Okay they just didn't have tops. Right. Very convenient to have that top now. Close it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how you knew if the seal was broken, basically. Right. Okay, someone probably fucked with this. Yeah, remember when people were putting... It's just like you just opened it.

Remember when people were putting AIDS needles in payphones? Is that real? No. Okay. I don't think so. Maybe it is. I heard about it in movie theaters, not payphones. What, in the seat?

You sit down there or something? I heard when you went to get your change, you got pricked. You go, ah, fuck, something pricked me. It's AIDS. That would suck. All for like a quarter, you know? Like, just to get your quarter back.

Dead. One of the greatest inventions of all time, slash one of the most discarded inventions of all time, the bread teeth thingy. Oh. That little teeth thing. Because I use it once maybe, and then I do the twist and fold under. Like you bend it under.

You know what I mean? Oh, no, I know. Yeah. But that teeth thing, because it used to be the little garbage bag tie thing where you would, the twist tie. And then they just made it into the plastic tooth, you know what I'm saying, teeth thing. because it used to be the little garbage bag tie thing, the twist tie. And then they just made it into the plastic tooth, you know what I'm saying? Teeth thing. And I lose it immediately, but that's a pretty cool image.

It's cool, but it's like... Not necessary. In fact, I'd argue that's inconvenient. Because you could just do the twist and spin. You twist and spin. Yeah. Like the, you see like the viral TikTok where it was like a girl like takes scissors and then like cuts a brat,

the bag of bread in like half and then just ties it. I'm so sick of these people on TikTok. And they're like, I learned more on TikTok. It's like, and then I see them, I'm like,

that's a pretty good life hack, but fuck you. Well, it's not. It's just, it takes longer than just spinning it. Yes, but also it probably does get a better seal if you really care about the preciousness. Oh, please. Yeah, no, I mean, I'm not going to say that.

Has anyone ever noticed? But I'm just sick. Did you see the dandelion one? No. You know those, what do you call them? Some people call them Santa Clauses. Some people call them, I don't know, the dead dandelion, when it's the white thing. I don't think I have anything I call that.

You can take that fucking thing, and you can dip it in a cup of water, and it's waterproof. You can pull it back out, and that is still just a puffy little ball. It's madness. It's sorcery, at least according to TikTok. And I actually picked one. I was walking home from Mother's Day. We went out to lunch. $300 was a terrible lunch.

And I saw one and I picked it and I was like, did you see on TikTok? And then I tried. Yeah, watch this. Look at that. Look at that. That's fucking not possible. Nope, not that. Go back.

Underneath. Totally fine. That's got to be like the cameras are in reverse or something right I'm confused like why wouldn't this happen cause it gives a flower in there well but it's not a flower

so my point is that I so I picked it and I walked home with it you know what those are, the reason that it exists? Wind blows it. It's so frilly and fragile that it just blows and then it spreads pollen. So dipping something that fragile into water, it should just be a mess. Yeah. And it just comes back out perfectly like a little snowball.

I tried to bring it home to do it and and the wind blew, and it just went everywhere. I was like, fuck. I was walking home with a stalk of green. I was like, it was like Joe Biden when he was picking that for his wife. I was like, what am I doing? Because TikTok, man. TikTok's making me feel stupid. It's like, I didn't know this.

I didn't know that. It's like, neither did you. You just saw it on TikTok and then recreated it. But someone out there fucking does it first. That's true. We should start just doing it. We should just Google this shit. Just go viral on TikTok and then recreated it. But someone out there fucking does it first. That's true. We should start just doing it. We should just Google this shit. Just go viral on TikTok, you know?

Did you know that this was spoken? Brush your teeth in the shower. No. It doesn't make any sense. No, you don't. Wash your hands after you shit. Get out of here. Make sure you go subscribe on YouTube, both the Kevin Clancy Show and KFC Radio.

Make sure you like all of our videos and hit the bell and the buttons and the fucking, you know, the go button and the subscribe button and all the icons. Yeah. Otherwise, your grandma's going to die tomorrow. That should probably be a jar. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.