KFC Radio - Bobby Kelly & Paul Virzi Think Ryan Gosling is the More Attainable Version of Brad Pitt - Full Ep

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 01:37 F**shlights and Other S*x Toys 06:18 Bobby and Paul's new show 11:21 There's no baby in the baby carriage 13:54 Bone to pick with people on their phones 17:56 Barbie Expectations vs Reality 24:37 Ranking of the Gods / Religion 33:28 Bobby's bad experience with a priest 40:30 Bobby's the kinda guy to adjust his seat all the way 50:07 Robert Kelly's weight loss 54:50 Producer Mike 55:57 Handstands at the gym 01:10:19 Bath Houses +++++++++++++++++++ Pirate Water: Go to drink piratewater.com to find pirate water in a location near you or order on gopuffYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. That Brad Pitt Fight Club body. What? When you lose, I'm getting there. Okay, okay. I mean, man, do I. I mean, it's okay, okay.

I mean, I'm getting there. But to be fair for Paul, we are about a thousand degrees of separation away from you getting your stomach to Brad Pitt's fight club body. But here's the thing. You might need another hour-long podcast to get there. No, no, no. I'll get there quick. You lost me at the V. Brad Pitt thing. I'm going to get there.

I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. For the love of God, get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there.

I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there.

I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there.

I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there.

I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. Look at my mother. The boys are in the building. What's up, man? We got Paul Verzi and Bobby Kelly. You two getting together, I was saying, is like when you were a kid watching wrestling

and all of a sudden your favorite wrestlers would become a tag team. You know, like two guys that's like, oh, I like him, I like him. And all of a sudden they're together now. You're like the rock and sock connection. First of all, the quickness you started this podcast and the ease of it Where we're just going like that Is I'm shocking I'm 52

You can't just fucking Start yapping Alright I want to Yeah let's go I like you Are you ready to talk to me Bobby Yeah Get your thoughts ready

I've been doing this a thousand years Yeah I need a little Fucking heads up You've had a podcast since 2009 I know I've been doing this a thousand years. Yeah, I need a little fucking heads up. You've had a podcast since 2009? I know. Nine? I know. I was before any of them.

You're the earliest podcast. I think Kevin Smith is the only person in the world who might have you beat. Yeah, and they all have me beat financially. He's got the same t-shirt, though. Same thing. Kevin Smith said the same thing when he came in here uh he he was the one who uh he got the first i think the first podcast deal with fleshlight yeah and no he saw from he got through rogan i think it's the other way around i think that's the story i i think i

think rogan came to him and was like i don't know it's pretty like graphic like can i advertise with them and he was like, no, I do it. And, like, you should. And I think Rogan made, like, a billion dollars. And Kevin Smith got, like, a free flash. I think that's the story. It's not really that. But the point being that he was, you know, telling Rogan what to do.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a one-time thing. It's a one-time thing. Yeah, because they didn't figure. I never heard you done that. It's the cleanup afterwards that's the problem. Yeah, they didn't.

Yeah. You need a garden hose with it Yeah No you know what you need Is like A bigger penis A woman that will fuck you So you don't have to Fuck a rubber thing

Self esteem You really need it Maybe some pick up lines There's a lot of things here But you need like a Like You know how like your oven Has like

You push a button A self cleaner Yeah Like you should be able To push a button And just And it just like vaporizes it. What was that?

Because I don't want to sit there. Yeah. What was that spray they use for dog shit with that Jack Black movie? Remember that? They should come up with that. It just disappears. Like they throw the powder on the throw up. At what point, like what, during that period of time, when do you just feel like a piece

of shit? Like right when you start? Immediately. Yeah. As soon as you go like this? No, I think it's getting ready. You feel like a piece of shit. Putting it in, you go, okay.

And then when you finish, you want to blow your brains out. See, I'm not good at disassociating, I guess. Like the whole time, I was like, this is ridiculous. Also, here's the thing. I understand I would fuck a big sex doll before I ever fuck a flashlight again because if you're doing this like you might as well just fucking nah that's worse

because that's a human you have to clean that's like that's like a real vagina I mean you're sitting there she's just lying there like this. You know what's so terrible? All that we're describing is just what chicks have to do. Yes. You have to cum in these things. You have to fuck them. That's why. That's actually a great point. This is terrible.

And I'm sorry. There's girls in here. I apologize. But that's where I believe swallowing came from, where they were like, I don't want this in my hair. Totally. Yes. I don't want this.

What do you want it? It's like no hassle. Swallow it. Swallow makes no hassle. We have a dinner reservation. I this in my hair. I don't want this. What do you want? It's like no hassle. Swallow it. Swallow makes no hassle. We have a dinner reservation. I just did my hair. The imagery, I don't even know if I've ever had it myself, but the imagery in like a movie where a girl is like,

she runs through the apartment to the sink. Like, just get rid of this shit. Yeah. I mean, it's like oysters. It's hard to swallow. You know what I mean? It's not. You get Tabasco stuff, horseradish, maybe.

You ever heard of thick water? I'm sorry, what'd you call me? You ever heard of thick water? Thick water, it looks like a bottle like this, except it's just, it's a thicker consistency. For people with like, they have like throat cancer and shit like that, they can't handle like the thinness of water. It's literally just water thickening. A medical reason, right?

And we have this show here called Lower the Bar where you fucking try gross stuff. And the thick water – again, it's literally just water. No flavor, just – And they was like try drinking thick water. And like the consistency in your mouth was so disgusting. What makes it thicker? What do they put in there? Some kind of gelatin I would guess, but I don't know. And like every guy was like this is disgusting. What makes it thicker? What do they put in there? Some kind of gelatin, I would guess, but I don't know.

And every guy was like, this is disgusting. Can I ask why? How do you know it felt like cum? I didn't say it did. You did. He said it was disgusting. You said it tasted like cum. You went, oh, I know disgusting stuff, the cum I have in my mouth. First of all, I don't like you two fucking

ganging up on me. Where are you? Where are you? Yeah. It's them against us. Well, you know what? You lost me when you said oyster. I was like,

how is that? How is that fucking? But what was funny, that day, Lisa Ann was here and she was like, she was like, this tastes just like cum.

It's delicious. Bobby Kelly tried it. She had no problem. I invented it. Me and my mom have a shop in Marblehead, Massachusetts. It's called Thick Water. My mom was blowing, guys. No, I shouldn't.

This is going to go to my mom. My mom's going to see this. Jesus. We have a new podcast. That's why we're here. We have a new podcast. We did. Bone to pick.

Our wives are going to see this. I know. I fucked up. It's them. They get me tired of it. You're not alone. We have a new podcast. We did. Bone to pick. Our wives are going to see this. I know. I fucked up. It's them. They get me tired of it. You're not alone. We have a couple guys, people who even work here, who do other shows. We had a guy who does a golf podcast.

He just talks about golf. I'm sitting like you two. I'm sitting on my legs like a whore. Talking about golf. Obviously, you're like, that's what I call it with my mom. I come in my mom sometimes. Whoa. Whoa.

It's me on the coming in the... Cut that. Where's the guy? Anyway, when people come on the show, they just go, I don't know what happened. I just blacked out and started saying all sorts of shit. Very similar to ONA. Yeah? Just like...

Yeah, you just come home and you want to take a shower. You just talked about being molested for an hour and a half. Patrice is just laughing at you. Ah, Bobby got his dick touched. What? Yeah. Yeah, but me and him always been that together something.

Well, that's what it was. We're always trying to find something to do. There's certain guys you have that with in the industry. We're friends and we click. But should we do a show? You never do. It's cool to see it happen. That's what it was. Because you know, we're friends and we click, but should we do a show? You never do. It's cool to see it happen. That's what it was

because anytime Bobby would come on the Versi Effect or I would go on YKWD, people would go, dude, you got, like,

we had like a couple of viral things and then I'd be on the road doing my own shows and people would go, hey man, love you, dude,

you and Bobby together and he would hear the same thing and that happened for nine years and then finally, we called, we just talked on the phone

and go, dude, let's fucking, let's go and now this thing is like really firing, man. people all over keep talking about it so we're excited about it i've also learned um it's kind of like you know you only get one first impression sort of thing right like new shows for for guys that have been around for a long time especially yours being like one of the oldest you never got that like new like uh the you go to the top of the charts because there's a new show out like right like we were pre-podcast era so we just slowly built our audience and if you were lucky to um start your show in the era of like 2015 to till now everyone's like what's the new podcast i want

to see you know like new podcasts just go right to the top of the charts they get the the big marketing push they get the hype so for two guys who had their own thing going already to get that like yeah you know that bump is well we don't i don't want to do not i mean i've done it i do it you know just guys talking right because you know talking about stuff i wanted to do something that was like, I look forward to doing. And there's nothing more I look forward to doing than just bitching. Yeah.

You know what I mean? When I saw Bone to Pick with you two, I was like, oh boy. This will just be nine hour episodes. Because here's the thing. Me and him, every time we do a podcast, it usually starts out with, I got a bone to pick with you.

He's like, oh shit, what did I do? So when he does something to me that I don't like, I save it. I save it, I put it in my memory, and then when we do something together, I'll be like, listen, I got a bone to pick with you first. And then he'll be like, well, I got one with you. No, fuck him too. You always have one. So I'm like,

this is the podcast. And then when we open it up, we got Mike, Big Mike over here who's the producer of the podcast. And then when we opened it up, we got Mike, Big Mike over here, who's the producer of the show. Yeah, Mike Albanese. When he was involved with it, too, it was perfect. And then when we threw it out to the fans, that's when you can kind of test it.

We were like, hey, if you've got a bone, we have fan bones. It's so easy. So we got 800 emails, I think, the first week. Dude, it just blew up. It just blew up. Because it's something that everybody. Because the angst in life, we're the voice for that. got 800 emails i think the first week it just blew up it just blew up people were like something that everybody because the angst in life we're the voice for that and like you said it can go on forever like mike does a good job going like guys because he's going i'm going and then like

today it happened i called bobby and i go you know something dude what this is what you do and you go save it save it here's the thing i gotta i gotta bone to pick I got a bone to pick with you right now why who I don't like people who use the word angst what fucking grown man I got a bone to pick with people in 2023

angst people who use the word anal in regular conversation and expect me not to be thinking about someone about asshole fucked in the ass yeah

so anal about like well I'm so anal too why is assholes involved yeah why why are those two things even at all well the word anal So anal about like, well, I'm so anal too. Yeah, why is assholes involved? Yeah, why are those two things even at all? Well, the word anal, the asshole anal, right? And then the word anal, what does the word anal mean? I don't know, Shakespeare.

I'm just asking. That's why I just think of fucking assholes. I was going to say. That's me forgetting my thoughts. Trying to throw it back on you guys. And you cocksuckers called me out. I was waiting for some new anal shit. I was waiting for a new. The answer.

I'm taking on me. Do you know? I think it is like it came from the Latin. Like, you know. Because I saw something on the internet. That was great. So what does it mean? I thought we were going to all leave the show With a new meaning of anal

I think What a pro though What a pro So yeah Next topic This is what pieces of shit you are You all panicked and went I don't know

Then you went Go fuck yourself What are you doing? You caught me right at the end You caught me right at the end That good You caught me right at the end That was great I didn't want to look dumb I was like

I think it means like Clean Like you'd be so anal About something You're always cleaning Definitely clean adjacent I'll be honest I was rooting for him

I was going like What is it dude What is anal And he just I couldn't land it I threw it right on you guys Here's the funniest part He put his finger out.

He did a physical gesture and had nothing. But the thing, what I realized when we started doing this podcast, I was like, what if we run out of? You'll never. Never. Bones to pick. You'll have that.

First of all, it's a phrase everyone knows. And second of all, it's a thing that everybody feels. You will do this until you're fucking rich and dead. Yes. I was on the train today and there's two baby carriages. Two baby carriages blocking the entrance to the chain with two people on their phones. Two baby carriages. I can't get on the train because of the two baby carriages.

People with the babies. And there was no baby. There was no baby in one of the baby carriages. That's a bone. If you've got a baby carriage, there better be a New York City baby carriage, baby in the carriage. Was it like a homeless person?

It was a fucking, no. This is worse. This is worse. This is worse. This is the worst. Lady on the phone, first of all, number one, you've got a baby carriage, no phone. You get no phone privileges. This is Manhattan. This is people worst Lady On the phone First of all Number one You got a baby carriage No phone You get no phone privileges

This is Manhattan This is people with knives Shit in their hands This is You gotta focus on that Fucking baby And that stupid carriage Because people need

To get on the train You don't get phone privileges That's number one Number two There's no baby in the carriage Number three It wasn't a baby. It was an eight-year-old that had fucking little weak, tired suburb legs.

Okay? So whenever little fucking Susan got tired, shit Karen would throw Susan in the fucking little taxi. So she didn't even need it. The baby carriages are for babies. They're for babies. Not fucking humans that can walk What's worse?

If it was an 8 year old or a dog? If it was a dog I would have thrown them both on the track If I saw a fucking pug I would have kicked both of them on the fucking track Dude he was literally losing his mind I was on the train She's where you are I'm going she's got no baby I'm like the train. She's where you are. I'm going, she's got no baby.

I'm like the CIA going, there's no baby in the baby carriage. There's no baby. There's no baby in the baby carriage, Paul. Guys, he said it. I'm not joking. He's not even for the show. I'm going, yeah, I'm outside Barstool. Where you at?

He goes, there's no baby, Paul. There's no baby, Paul. There's no baby, Paul. And I go, all right, dude. I almost didn't make the train because the guy to the left had a baby in the carriage and he looked like he just got here, right? He's a tourist or whatever, right? Sure.

So, okay, fine. That's how we do a tourist with a baby. What's that? But anyway. That's weird, but keep going. Well, whatever. Yeah. The lady had the baby carriage on the phone, which fucking I wanted to murder her.

You're on the phone. This is the I wanted to murder her. You know, you're on the phone. This is the sub, this is the New York subway. People are getting stabbed. You know what, the phones are interesting though, because like, you're just on your phone always. The subway used to just be like, you just stare, you know what I mean? Or you go to paper.

Yeah. You go to paper, dirty black, yeah, black thumbs from sweating on the subway. Everyone's crammed up in your old New York Post. Nah, you had to fold it. You had to fold it. You had to fold it. The people, you know,

fold down to one article. Or you had your handspring and you're playing Dope Wars. You know, the lights would go out and you're stuck in the tunnel and you would just stand there and look. And now it's, you know,

everybody's head down. Everybody... I think phones should be banned in public. That's not a bad idea. I think they did it in car. They did it with cars. You can't text and drive. And it's exactly the subway.

When you're coming off the subway and people just start texting again right away because they just got service back. Just fucking walk. Just get out of here first. And then they get to the top of the stairs. They start looking for the GPS. I think phones should be banned in public. You need to at least there needs to be like a landing spot. You got to get out of.

And then you can look at your And then It's only a smoking section You can have a phone Well wait One of our bones During the During you know The beginning of the show Was when people were

Walking in the airport On the phone Yeah In front of you And you're trying to Get to your gate And they're just oblivious Yep

They're just And you know that There's like a A stat yearly Of people that get killed Getting hit by cars Looking at their Just crossing the street

Looking at their phone Sure People walk in, that is one of my fucking shitty bonus, New York City, walking through the crosswalk. Because I know people, you're a New Yorker, or wherever you live, you lived here for a couple years,

you get that vibe, that Saturday Night Fever walk. You're looking out of your peripheral, right? You know, the light turned red, you're going over here, you're cutting that way. You'll get it, right? You know, the light turned red, you're going over here, you're cutting that way. You'll get it, right? I love that vibe.

I get it. I get that vibe. I get that New York City. I walk different than regular fucking people. A little bounce. It's either I'm like excited or I think I'm like a fucking ninja or either way, I'm like feeling it.

You play the light game where you just don't miss. You're like, shit, I got the walk. I got this. You get a good jaywalk in where the car is shooting. And you feel great. There are people going, oh. He almost got his toes in.

I'm a professional, ladies and gentlemen. I know what I'm doing. When you walk up to a street corner, there's a bunch of people who are parked there, but you've already assessed the situation. You go around and you know. And you can just walk right through the crowd. You're like, don't worry, got this yeah like he's committed suicide like i don't know i'm good i'll be there in a second you get the orange hand for 12 flashes and then about five seconds of steady and then you know what's gonna turn oh there's nothing

better when somebody from out of town is with you and they're experiencing that and they're behind you and they're like well oh my god you're so good at this god damn right and you know what it's not. It sounds silly. And I'm sure people are like, well, these guys think they're cool because they're laughing. We do. Because they're walking. But when we used to have our show, when Asa Akira, the porn star, was our third co-host, she was like, I will fuck anybody who can jaywalk well.

She was like, there's nothing sexier than a guy who can walk. And I was like. Where is she? Porn stars just are, like, down for, like, whatever. Porn stars are like, I will fuck anyone who opens a door the right way. It's like, I think you just fuck anyone. It's like I've had sex with everyone,

so now it's almost like a drug addict who, like, is recovering and has this weird niche where they know exactly what they want. I know what sexy is it's not like a jack guy it's a guy who can fucking jaywalk oh that's i feel it though i get it there's something sexy about it and then and then you do feel superior to people who are like just like slow motion or when they stay back and you're the one that goes yeah and they're looking and then you make it yeah and they're like oh you thought you thought i couldn't make that what

about the mumble you ever do that i love the mumble when you're Yeah. And they're like, oh. You thought I couldn't make that? What about the mumble? You ever do the, I love the mumble. What's the mumble? When you're going through and you're like, God damn it, get the fuck out of the way. Yeah. The little, the little fuck. Oh, what the fuck?

Get off your phone. The little extra mumble where it's like, bum bum, get the fuck off the phone. Let's go. But it's past them. So they're like, what? Yeah. You're so slow, I can't even talk shit to you.

Here was my bone to pick earlier in the show. I went to the movies. I've learned this about myself. I go, everybody doesn't like waiting on lines. But for some reason, movie concession lines, I lose it, Paul. Like, I'm a pretty even-heeled guy. Inside my head, I start boiling. I start yelling out loud.

I'll be like, this is crazy. This is getting crazy, folks. So I was online, I swear to God, for like 40 minutes. I missed the first 10 minutes of Oppenheimer because of it. But I get close, and I'm like, okay, cool. It's only two groups left. I'm good. The first group, though, was four guys, and they all got and paid for their own thing

individually rather than just putting it together. was four guys, and they all got and paid for their own thing individually rather than just putting it together. But they were probably like 17, 16, like when you were younger. Acceptable or not acceptable? Because I was. No. If you're 15, 16, dude, I don't know. No, your father should have taught you.

It's a group thing. You order everything. I used to do this too. I only got $20 from my mom. I's a group thing. You order everything. I used to do this too like, you know, I can't be. I only got $20 from my mom. I can't be. But it's the Venmo era now where these kids are fucking sending it left and right. You don't get to be a group then. You have to be

one, two, three. Psychologically, you didn't fuck me. So I know psychologically, I know, you know what? I'm out. I'm not waiting five people. I do two, but I ain't waiting five. I'd rather go in. I'll come back out, whatever.

They stayed in a sideways line, in a circle. They were talking. They were laughing. That's rough. I figured that's one group. And then all of a sudden, so instead of two people, I had six. So I had like another 20 minutes. And I was like, so that actually is it.

You don't have to pay, but you got to then stand in the line that way. You have to stand in the line the way you're going to you can't group up like a pack i'm happy you figured that out for me because i was like they are young so i maybe i'm the old man you know that's the line i mean right there's line etiquette for sure look yes but when i was 15 with my friends i was kind of oblivious and i would be talking about the movie and i would only have a little bit of money and i wouldn't ask my friend for money so i I give a little pass with the age, but I understand what you're saying. But speaking of movies, here's my bone. Okay. And I said this the other day and I don't, this Barbie movie, listen to me. If I go on social media one more

time and see somebody go, just left the Barbie movie. What a piece of shit. What did you think you were going to see? What, what, what part of see? What part of that preview made you go, this is going to knock my socks off? I actually kind of disagree with that a little bit. Okay. We've talked about the Barbie movie ad nauseum today now. I think the Barbie, and at least

how I saw it, how it got to my ears. We just sat up for this one. We've been comparing it to Black Panther. Black Panther was always told to me, it is a Marvel movie. So I knew what I was getting into. Right. Barbie, at least in what I read,

was like, it's hilarious, brilliant writing. Where I was like, oh shit, maybe this is going to trick me. And it just, I didn't think it was that. Because I was you. I was like, oh, this is... Wait, you both saw the movie? I saw it, yes.

Okay, and? It's not great. It's horrific. Yeah, yeah. But she was like, oh, this is... Wait, you both saw the movie? I saw it, yes. Okay, and? It's not great. It's horrific. Yeah, yeah. But she was like, I went into it knowing I was not going to like it. I watched it. I didn't like it. I can understand why some people, Barbie fans, women, whatever, would like it.

But also, I don't. So, yeah, that's that. I just didn't think it was... So you guys went to a live action Barbie movie. And you guys were... Bro. You had expectations? No, that's what I'm saying. I didn't. I just didn't think it was fun. So you guys went to a live-action Barbie movie. And you guys were— Bro. You had expectations? No, that's what I'm saying.

I didn't. No, he read something that goes— I thought— I heard it during the hype, because when I first saw it, I was like— I knew girls who were excited to see it, and I was like, oh, that'll be, like, fun for you girls. And they were like, no, no, no. People are saying this script is, like, on another level,

and that it's going to be, like, I don't know, some sort of clever shit. Yeah. And then it got so much hype. So I'm like, oh, let me check it out. Nope. It's exactly what I thought it was going to be. Exactly what I thought it was going to be. And did people dress in pink?

Did you see that shit? I didn't see too much. I went, I saw it at four. I did. I did the Barbenheimer double feature. I like participating in culture. And it was, so I went Barbie Oppenheimer. You did back to back?

Oppenheimer sucked. Not the movie itself. The sound was all fucked up went Barbie, Oppenheimer. You did back to back? Oppenheimer sucked, not the movie itself. The sound was all fucked up. You saw Barbie and then that? Yeah. In the same sitting? Same, same, same.

I went to Oppenheimer then Barbie. Do you have friends? I had a friend come to Oppenheimer with me but again, we walked out because the sound was so bad.

I heard Oppenheimer was incredible. Spectacular. Yeah. And that's what makes it double. Like, Oppenheimer is such a dude. Like Yeah. And that's what makes it double. Oppenheimer is such a dude. Like, my dad is going to fucking love it.

He loves World War II. He loves the science. He loves the history. And then there's Barbie. That's why this whole thing was so funny, because it could not be opposite ends of the spectrum. So I came out of it. I was like, Barbie was a zero. Oppenheimer, man, amazing. So, John, you were legitimately disappointed in Barbie?

I wasn't disappointed, but I thought I was going to be like, that's actually pretty good. I came out, I was like, it was fine. It was like, it's obviously not. We've had broader discussions about all kinds of shit now. But, like, as a funny movie, I didn't think. The girls were not happy. There was a line or two.

I will see any Ryan Gosling vehicle. Dude, I think Gosling. That's what he's the fucking best. I think he's fucking hilarious. Yeah. Like, I think he's like, is there some attraction to him in that? A hundred percent. Hell yeah.

Bro. Yeah. Who the fuck guys? I read stupid love. He's hilarious. Ryan Gosling is the average dude's Brad Pitt. Like, you know what I mean? Like, he's I can get down with that. I what I mean? I can get down with that. I don't know if I can get down with that.

Brad Pitt's unattainable. He's on another level. I think Gosling is too, though. He might be a different level, but he's below. He's not Brad Pitt. He's not the average man. He's like a really in shape, slightly above average. You think Gosling's slightly above average?

I don't think he's that... No, no, no, no. I'll tell you what it is. It's not Pitt. Brad Pitt is Barry Bonds on steroids. Ryan Gosling is Barry Bonds not on steroids. Wait a minute, Brad Pitt Fight Club. Wait a minute, Brad Pitt Fight Club.

Brad Pitt Fight Club. Unattainable. Is every guy... I mean... It's crazy. I'm just going to say it to every guy out there, you'll never get there. Because we all are like, I'm going to try.

And we never did. When I was in college, when everyone had the Fight Club poster and everyone would go for a run. And everyone would say, I'm trying to get a body like Brad Pitt. Everyone said it wasn't just my college. It was my age group. Every guy was like, yeah, I'm trying to get a body like Brad Pitt in Fight Club. No fucking shit. It's the nicest body

in the history of the world and you're not gonna get there every god joined together and made that body Allah Buddha Jesus

Moses Zeus and then some healthy steroids too you're not gonna get there cause you're eating like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

and you go for a run once a day Brad Pitt's in the gym for like 25 hours Ryan Gossie you get there wait hold on I'm sorry did you put Allah and two in a day. Ryan pits in the gym for like 25 hours. Ryan Gossett, you get there. Wait, hold on. I'm sorry. Kind of.

Maybe. Did you put Allah two in front of Jesus? I said all the gods. Yeah, but then what did you say? Are you fucking coming at me about the placement of the gods? You can't put JC third. JC's number one. No, but you said Allah.

Well, then why'd you say number one? Huh? You said Allah, Buddha or some shit. I said Buddha, Allah, and JC. So JC's number one. Why'd you say third? The last, what was the last word you heard? Oh said Buddha, Allah, and JC. So JC's number one. Why'd you say the third? What was the last word you heard?

Oh, you're trying to leave me on the JC note? I said JC at the end. So that's the first. That's a first. Now, what if I said Jesus Christ, Buddha, then Allah? The last word is what? I mean, I should. The last one that sticks with you is what? Just say it.

It's always going to be JC for me. Say it. It's always going to be JC, Buddha, Allah. When you set the lineup at the club Who goes last? The fucking The headliner And I put Zeus at the end too

After J.C. I mean Zeus Zeus was the shit Zeus was the shit We can all agree Zeus is the man Zeus is the motherfucker That's what's so good about Bone to Pick

Is that like You end up With that sort of shit Why did the Greeks get away from that? They should've stuck with it. Well, the Greeks just kind of... Like ancient Greece and regular Greece.

I'm Greek. My mother's 100% Greek and Giannis Papas has to remind me every time I talk to him. Do you know that? This is true. I get a text message

once every three months from Giannis who's my neighbor by the way. Six houses down and out of nowhere he'll just go, you're a Greek kid. Your mother is 100% Greek.

You're more Greek than Sicilian. Act like it. And then I'll just see him two days later. He doesn't even mention it. Well, then ask him why. Like, if that was my culture, I would have been like, fuck yeah, Zeus and Aphrodite. Dude, they started sports.

They started the Olympics. Yeah, it was a little ridiculous. But they were also fucking each other and banging little kids and stuff, right? So they maybe wanted to. It was a little ridiculous, though, to do with a lightning bolt. I mean, you know what I you know what i mean oh yeah like ours is better we got to a cross and then he came back from the dead that's not silly don't you fuck with jesus christ how

dare you you irish motherfucker actually i'll be honest i'm done with jc you're done i can't do the church anymore are you catholic you're catholic you grow up my kids are in catholic school i can't fucking do it your kids are in cath Catholic school and you just said that? Are you out of your fucking... Is your grandmother alive? No, that's what happened. She's up there? Yeah.

Oh, you're crazy. So once my grandma died, we took it down a few levels. And once my parents die, we'll take it down all the way. Yeah, but your grandma's up with JC. Bro, they're just a bunch of thieving race rapists. Oh my God! Your grandma's up with them. Bro, they're just a bunch of thieving race rapists. Oh, my God! Your grandma's up with them right now! I'll tell you what.

Somebody up there's got a bone to pick with you. I've said this a million times on my show. I couldn't do it anymore. My kids were like four and five and came home to me asking why they nailed Jesus to a cross. And I was like, can we not just have to the five and four-year-olds, can we not just say love everybody and treat everyone the way you want to be treated? We've got to be doing the crucifixion to the kids. They could wait until that chapter gets a little later.

A little bit later. Hey, listen, if you're not fucking them yet, you can't teach them about the crucifixion. Wow. Wow. Then you can tell them how to crucify. How about that? Is that a good rule of thumb?

Hang on. I'll follow. I'll be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Deliver us from evil.

Amen. Hey, can we put this part at the end so people don't leave? Trespass against us. This is our temptation. Deliver us from evil. Evil. Amen. Hey, can we put this part at the end so people don't leave? My Lord. My grandmother is still up there. My grandmother's funeral was one of the times where we as kids were like, this is pretty fucked up, right? Wasn't your grandmother the one who didn't go to church on Sundays?

No. That was my great grandmother. She went on every other day and not on Sundays. She said, fuck the amateurs. That was through amateurs. Yeah. My grandmother watched church on TV every day. And she worked at the rectory. Ironing the priest and cooking the dinner.

My grandma did the rectory, too. How about when... I used to go to the rectory after school. Remember that picture that went viral when COVID started? People were watching at home on TV, but they had the church pew in the living room? No. They were sitting on a fucking church pew in their house. So they could do the whole experience while they watched it on TV.

It is funny. Lunatics. It is funny listening to older people that, as a kid, you looked up to talk about. My dad said to me not long ago, and he's not really in my lifetime that much at all. He's in Florida, but he'll go, hey, did you get the... And my father's like over the top Italian. You know, over just gaudy jewelry.

I couldn't have guessed. And he just... And like, yeah, my father roots for the bad guy and it's like... And he's really like that. What did he think of Barbie? Oh, yeah. Forget it. Forget it. He's still not over the fact that Tucker Carlson got fired. So, I have to hear that every time I talk to him. He goes, yeah, what they did to Tucker. Just hear my dad say, Tucker,

what they did to Tucker was it's a sin. I don't watch that shit anymore. He said to me, seriously, from him, it was just the way he looks. He goes, you know, did you get the kids baptized? He goes, you know, because you got to be honest. He goes, you know, that's the only way to get to heaven. And I'm listening to him. They're going to burn in hell

with little babies. And I'm like, you know, these are my kids. We're going to figure it out, but it's just a weird get to heaven. And I'm like listening to him. They're going to burn in hell. Little babies. And I'm like, you, these are my kids. We're going to figure it out. But it's just a weird thing to hear. Like a genuine, like they look you in the eye like, I mean, your kid's going to be eternally damned if you don't do this. That's like, it's like. Are you talking about a lunatic? We'll see. It's like we're going fishing today.

We'll see, Paul. We'll see, Pat. We'll see. As I see you right now, and I'm now, I don't hope to ever have kids. I'm like, yeah, that's crazy. But if I had a kid, I'd be like, we'll run him through just in case. That's really bad. That is kind of where I'm at.

We're doing the thing just in case. Just in case. I mean, nothing wrong with a little splash just in case. Just in case. At the end of his life, he goes, I'm sorry for all the shit I did. Boom. You're in. That's what I do.

We do have the best system when it comes to that. That's why I love Catholics. I mean, the Jews did it the best. Because they get Hanukkah and Christmas now. They get eight days of Hanukkah. Well, that's because they didn't used to do that. Now they just adopted both. Yeah, but that's great.

Why don't we just adopt Hanukkah then? Because it's kind of boring. It sucks. Why don't we just adopt Hanukkah then? Because it's kind of boring. Why don't the Red Sox adopt the fucking Paw Sox? That's my point is that the Jews don't do it right because their holidays suck. All the Jews flee to Puerto Rico and Caribbean Islands during Christmas because they know

900 vacations a year. That's true. And when people die, right in the ground. Yeah, but you know what they don't have? Weird shit. They go right in the ground? 24 hours. Then know what they don't have? We do that weird shit. Wait, they go right in the ground? Right, 24 hours. Then you sit Shiva after. Oh, then Shiva's out. Shiva's at the house.

Shiva does suck. You can't even sit on chairs and shit. You gotta stand up or sit on the ground or some shit, right? Yeah, but you're at your house. You can't be comfortable, but yeah, you're at your house, and the body is not in the fucking room with you. Yeah, you don't have to look at Nana's dried-up knuckles. But at the same time, it is weird to have a party with the dead body in the room.

It is a party. Like, the Irish wakes are, you know, the Catholic wakes are pretty fucking fun. Now you're talking about it. Your Catholic wake is, you know, crazy. It's a good time. Some of the best parties I've ever been to. Yeah. Dude, speaking of Jews, dude, I was telling him.

What? Just the way you say Jews. Okay, speaking of, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Speaking of Jewish people. Speaking of the Jewish people. Thank you. I told you. When i'm sorry speaking of the jewish people speaking of the jewish people i do i told you go speaking of the jews okay sorry i know some people get mad they're like don't say jews say jewish sorry speaking of jewish people i told bobby today 2023 was the first time in my life that i ever discovered bagel and lox i never had it i never

had it before until i've never had it i've never never had it either. Oh, okay. But you said discovered. I thought you didn't know it. No, no, no. I would see the smoked salmon and people eat it, and I was like, how can you mix that with cream cheese? Dude. Dude. With capers? Is it good?

Dude. With capers? I can't imagine how it's good. Here's the thing. I'm so stupid. I eat Philadelphia rolls when I eat sushi. It's fucking salmon and cream cheese. Oh, yeah.

I worked at a Jewish camp I would never eat a big one For a whole summer It's the same fucking thing You went to a Jewish camp? I worked at a Jewish camp As a lifeguard Camp Bowcrest What's up?

Shout out Bowcrest Mazel Tov Shabbat Shalom Adonai Lom Pateri Ko What was the last one? Pateri Whatever

I love you I need to pull the plug Nevermind They And they had I was there I used to have Catholic plug Nevermind They And they had I was there I used to have Catholic Corner On Saturday

They have service on Saturday And there was two Catholic kids there And I would I would get them in the corner While they did the services What was in the Catholic Corner? Cause I'll tell you what

Somebody comes to me Says do the Catholic Corner I'm not going with that That's cause you're What? That's cause I don't want to get raped Not every priest raped. The few bad apples.

There was a couple rapes. That sounds like my dad. I said that to my dad. I go, Dad, what about the thing with the Catholic Church? He goes, nah, it's isolated incidents. It was only 900 of them. All the way back to the Vatican. How many Catholics are there?

How many Catholic kids are there? There's a billion. 900 kids got a diddle? The percentage is nothing. And then they get raped. They got diddled. Most of them. I'm joking.

Don't justify what happened to you. I never got diddled. Just a finger in the ass. I was an altar boy. He never tried to touch me. I didn't almost get diddled. You know what? That says a lot more about you than them.

Wait. I had to wait until I was like 19 to almost get diddled by a priest. If I was like a 15 year old boy and no priest was coming at me, I'd be. I'd have the lowest. Wait. You were 19. I was 19. A 19 year old.

I was doing my fourth step in AA with. There was a priest in my step group. It was a priest. So I was like, hey, can I do my fourth step with you? Which is you write everything down And then you admit it to God and another human being Whatever it is right So I went

And I did it with him I did it at the rectory In his room And we did it And halfway through I'm admitting the most Outrageous shit Yeah

Like shit I've never told Like the stuff The burden shit I'm telling him this And he Fell asleep I was like And then he made me

What? Swear to God It fucking broke my heart So then at the end He gets up We you know Say a prayer Whatever he told me to do

Was he old or just an asshole? He was old He was old And then he got up And he came over And he gave me a hug This is a friend of mine We were going to this meeting together For like years Yeah And he came and he gave me a hug. This is a friend of mine. We were on this meeting together for like years.

Yeah. And he came over and gave me a hug and he kissed me on the neck. But like, like, this is the cat. He went like this. It was like. And then wait, wait, stop. I went. I really.

Bro. Wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. He went. He went. And then I went like this. Bro. Wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. He went, he went. And then I went, and he went. Two. I got two. I went, oh, oh, hey.

Two, I went, oh, oh. What happened to your dick? Got hard. You got a bone to pick. I finished that geezer off in this fucking little twin bed. I mean, that guy was definitely going to fuck you. No, dude. I felt it's...

He kissed your neck twice with a soft lip. Dude, that was the most romantic self thing I've ever seen. Not a bad kisser. If that was a hot chick. No, but it fucked me up because I never talked to him again after that. Yeah, no fucking kidding. I would hope not Jesus Christ

And be like dude this happened And he was like you know And it fucked me up Because we were friends Yeah I mean dude he was That's what the Catholics do Not all the Catholics

That wasn't a good That was not a good story For your side of the argument Can I say something though I was really hot At the time It was one of my sexies I had beautiful hair I like I mean dude I was really hot At the time It was one of my sexies I had beautiful hair

I mean dude I was smoking I was smoking hot I had abs I had the V-dick abs I had a curly mullet I used to wear a bolo tie Hell yeah

You were a bolo guy? Bolo in high school dude I was fucking smoking So I mean it's kind of Can't blame the guy It's on me too You know what I mean

You were asking for it The one thing The one thing about the show That I love The fan bones Cause I thought You know Cause you throw stuff out to them

And they don't respond You're like ah boo You know But the fan bones Are the funniest And dude we got flooded What was the one we got last week One of the funniest fan bones

Was just like Yeah an adult man Jumping into a pool Holding his nose. So that we were like, that's and that and that's what it's going to morph into. Like a bone to pick is usually like a incident that happens to you or like an argument when it turns into just like we ran through it recently. We were doing like thing. It was just like things that men can't do.

And it was like and it starts out normal. Like, I don't know. You shouldn't kiss your friend on the neck. But we got all the way down to like you can't eat brunch or whatever. You know what I mean? Like if you eat brunch, you're not a guy. Right. That sort of shit.

It just becomes its own funny. You can't hold an umbrella. Like these dumb things that is more like a joke than anything. That's going to have with Bones. It's going to be very funny. The thing with the fan bones is they're getting clever. So one woman was sitting next to the person at dinner. So instead of sitting across, sitting next to,

and she was just like, that's my bone. And it's true. She was like, if you're with your wife or your girlfriend, you don't sit next to each other at a restaurant. You have to sit across. And I never thought about that but that there's something there's something queer about sitting next to you

that's a couple being like not even for one meal can we not be next to each other it's almost like super new be an adult 15 years old I want to touch you every single second of the day how about we drink a glass of wine and look at each other like adults

instead of cuddle like we're in middle school. How am I supposed to check out the hot waitress behind your back if you're sitting fucking

next to me? Exactly. Move your 50 year old head. Move your pre-menopause hot and cold face over here for one second.

But the coolest thing because we said this on the show once we're like this show is for we want to help the world this show is for, we want to help the world. Yeah. Right? We want to help the world.

Let's have a discussion. Yeah, all that shit that gets you pissed off, we want to talk about. And I was telling Bobby, I was at like a musical thing, outdoor music thing, food truck with my wife and kids. And one like middle-aged woman was just like, hey, what's the next bone? I got to write one in. I think people are just getting a kicker Because everybody calls a friend to complain about it Everybody's like this shit happened

Can you believe this Now it's like watch this Are you doing written submissions Like they'll write into you with the bone Oh they write them in You should do like submit a video We got video bones Here's the best part about this podcast

A guy did one and he was like in a parking lot And all the spots were empty video we got video bones oh yeah here's the best part about this podcast this motherfucker a guy a guy did one and he was like in a parking lot and all the spots were empty and the one car was near him and he lost it and he showed it it's but that's exactly what it is the funnest part about the show is that people come up with new bones because we have video bones we have fan bones we did one where we there was a bone in a bone and then there was a... Then we got a reverse bone. Then we had Sherlock bones. Because we're in a bone and then we figured out what the bone was. So we Sherlock bones it.

I mean, and then we have the skeleton bones where it's like a bunch of bones. So there's people, fans keep calling in, coming in with different bones. That's a great hook, man. That's a good theme. That's the kind of shit that carries you. Nowadays, like you said,

you don't want to just do two guys talking. No. Because there's so much of that. We're lucky that we've been around for so long, so we're one of the first ones that people listen to, so they keep doing it. If you were starting a podcast today, and it was just like,

me and my friend are funny, so we think people are going to listen. They ain't, bro. Because there's only so many hours in a day, and there's so many podcasts out there, but when you have a hook, the way the garbage guys did it with, you know,

it makes you garbage or not, the way you guys are going to do it with What's Your Bone, then people, not only do they listen, it's going to go to, like, the top of the list if they want to listen to it.

That's 1,000% true, and I got to give Bobby the credit because we were going to do a podcast. I'm like, this is going to be great. We're going to get in the room, and when we riff, it's going to be great. And he was like, yeah, but let's make it

really specific to this. That's not wrong. He's right, but it's like... Right, but how many of those... You know, you got people doing that. It's like, I already listened to Tom and Burn. I already listened to this and that. Yeah, okay, but this is like... This is like, you can hear us do this. There is something therapeutic about it

because at times you bring up a bone and he'll disagree with it. But he'll at the end of it be like, yeah, you're right. That's the reverse. Yeah, the reverse bone is when you kind of disagree, but then both of you guys get on board and you flipped it. Yeah. I feel like it's either good to somehow sometimes have someone like I hate if you give a bone and someone is not on board with you. But it makes you go like, all right, maybe maybe they should all pay pay individually and i'm a fucking crazy person no you're not sometimes you also need someone to be like yeah fuck those people and you're like and either way

you can get a little something out of it and we don't know each other's bones when we do the show which is good because i don't know if he's going to agree or i would say the percentage of us disagreeing is probably it's almost what'd you say Mike 50-50 I would think that you two assholes are both like Yeah fuck everybody No that's the thing I'm glad the show never turned into just us going Fuck the world We're really looking at these things

In a real way We're not just trying to bitch about something So if he brings something up, and a lot of times he'll bring something up, and I'll be like, that's just fucking wrong. And he'll get mad. We get mad at each other.

It's almost like a honeymooners type of mad. We've never gotten mad mad. I've never gotten mad at him. You guys ever had a fight? Never. No, and like people, like one thing people say they like about the podcast is they go,

even when you two get heated at each other, it's like this fun loving thing instead of like, no, fuck your bone. Like it's never, you know, we're having about like. I get mad. He does this thing that fucking pisses me off. What? What? I'm going to say it.

All right, go ahead. I'm in the middle of it. Yeah, but we're in the middle talking how nice the show is and all of a sudden you throw this shit in. Because I'm trying to fucking add to the car. It's the same thing. Okay, go ahead. I was going ahead, so you fucking jumped in.

Okay, go ahead. He does this thing where he goes, you're one of those. Yeah. It annoys me. He's like, oh, you're one of those. Like, he'll do something. I'll do something. He'll be like, are you...

I'll say that... You like sriracha on your stuff? Oh, you put milk in your coffee You want a little Yeah so like He got in my car He got in my Lexus Okay I know

He's gonna say right now He got a Lexus I know I was gonna say You want a Lexus Yeah yeah yeah So no He gets

He's gotta do it Now I have a Lexus So I'm out of those I got a brand new Lexus It's a fucking nice He talks shit about it Until he got one He's like you're right

No He gets in the Lexus He gets in the passenger seat And got one He's like you're right No He gets in the Lexus He gets in the passenger seat And he starts He adjusts the seat But a normal adjust to me Is you go back He's doing the fucking this

The head He's doing all the fucking knobs So I just go Oh you're one of those And he's like What the fuck I want to be comfortable Somebody who uses

The fucking accoutrements In a Lexus That's what they're there for What accoutrements in a Lexus. That's what they're there for. What's the point of having a Lexus if you can't lower your seat? If it wasn't for me, it'd be on your side. You've got to be a psycho to get in someone else's car and do all the knocks. A psycho to use the fucking stuff. We were going 10 blocks.

It was for me. It was for me. This is one where you're both 100% right. You're right. Why would you not use it? It's also, people don't do it. Bro, I will get in a car. I'll be like this.

You'll stay like that, right? Yes. You want to know why, Kevin? Because you got fucking class. That's why, Kevin. It's not class. It's low class. I'm totally good.

That's white trash shit. No, it's not. I went to therapy I want to be comfortable This is mine And I feel comfortable Using your shit It used to be

Back and forth And the thing goes back Now you can do Now you can adjust Your pelvis down Now it goes down And slants Here's the thing too

You have it And then you tell me All the shit the car's got And then I use it And you call me One of those You're one of those How's that? I I use it and you call me one of those. You're one of those.

How's that? I am one of those that calls people one of those. I had a buddy talking car weird things. I had a buddy in high school who used to drive around all the time. And he used to get in my car, no matter how long the distance, and he just put his own headphones in. Oh, that's a bone. That's a bone. Dude, that's a bone.

Because that kind of says, listen, I don't even want the conversation with you. I'd rather be in my own world on this drive. I won't do it with an Uber driver. He was my best friend. Can I ask a question? Can I do a little Sherlock Bones on this? Is he autistic? No, honestly, he's not at all.

He's the most outgoing person I know. Touch his ears next time. No, honestly, he's not at all. He's the most outgoing person I know. Touch his ears next time. Touch his ears. No, no, no. This guy, no. I know who he is for sure. Not autistic. And it's actually, he's actually so social that it makes it hurt even more.

Because it's like he will talk to a fucking brick wall. The fact that he was like, see you later, bro. But that's not on him. That's on you. Yeah, it is. Yeah, but he was like, see you later, bro. But that's not on him. That's on you. Yeah, it is. He seems like a fun, he's a good dude. Yeah, here. He might be a chadroul in a fucking car. You're actually not wrong. Off a microphone, I'd rather not talk to you.

He might put on fucking yacht rock and a fucking dumb hat and drive. But wait a minute, are you like, you're a sports, do you just listen to like sports talk and he tunes out? No, at that time It was pretty I don't Nothing I'll go nothing a lot

You'll do nothing You go silent in a car At that age I was probably doing Fall Out Boy But like now I'm probably just Windows down

Oh so maybe he's just like Alright I'm not fucking With this serial killer I think that Get in the car Nothing I think it's on him Look you know

Dude I have an affinity for you You're such a sweet guy You've always been nice to me Even before I knew you I'm like this guy is such a nice guy No he's You are Great guy

I mean the no socks thing Kind of fucking Whatever One of those Yeah y'all Loafers with no socks You're one of those Wow

No socks with jeans And loafers And a fucking random shirt I mean dude Yeah Random t-shirt This outfit is as Normal as it gets

For your boy right here Oh yeah Oh my goodness But I think Listen If a guy's getting in the car Putting headphones on You have to

You have to look at yourself You know what I'm saying If he does it with everybody Does he do it with everybody I don't No I would I would guess the answer

That would be no That Okay so he does it with you He would say he only does it with you. I would think it was probably a me thing. Yeah, it's... But it also might be like you treat the people you're buddy, you're closest with, you can treat like a piece of shit.

You know what I mean? Like I'm not even... My best friends, I'm not putting on a front. I'm not putting on airs. I'll just be like, shut the fuck up. He's still my best friend to this day, by the way. I haven't driven with him in a long time. If he got in the car with me and put headphones on,

the headphones would be on the highway. I'd crash the car into a tree. I just feel like my clothes, I'm just like, okay, whatever, man. I don't know. You're going through something. Colin Quinn got in the car with me one day. He just got LASIK eye surgery, and he bought those fucking, he just went and bought these really big glasses at CVS and we were

driving and I looked over at him and I just took him and I threw them on the highway. I was like, I will not let you sit in the car. You're, you're a fuck. You have money. You're on fucking television.

You have your own show. Go buy Ray-Bans. They were like the, like the ones almost look like film. I don't know. Yeah. I was like, how that almost looked like film. I don't know. They were all like square. Yeah. I was like,

how fucking dare you? You're famous. I'm your opener driving you to fuck. I took him on the highway tossing him out the window. I could see Bobby just staring at me

if I put the headphones on. I could see him just staring. I could feel. Until you look over. But how about this one? Here's one. What about somebody, what's the time limit

somebody has when you're in the car with them and they get on the phone and they take a phone call okay and and they're talking kind of you kind of hear the conversation how long you give that without without it being disrespectful i i say it's got to be under five minutes i would say it's too high brother i'll tell you exactly however however long it takes to say hey i'm in the car i gotta call you back yeah that's how well wait wait wait though can i make a little? Hold on. Wife or mother?

You can go. Yeah. You got to go. It depends on the family. You got to go to a buddy to just like I'm calling a bitch about work if I or sports like an answer or something. But yeah, it's just to do this bullshit. And I'm already with someone who I'm about to do that bullshit with. But you have you have an amendment.

If you go, buddy, I'm so sorry. Do you mind if I you can ask? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you mind if I. But if Yeah yeah yeah Do you mind if I But if you just start

And then you get five minutes Then five minutes Then you get five minutes So okay So if it's business If it's your agent with work If it's your manager Something you go

But you gotta ask Do you mind if I take this I gotta just take this for a second But And the people that try to get off And they don't get off You know Yeah listen man

I gotta And then they continue Yeah That's passive aggressive I've done it on the show a lot too you know the signals when you raise your voice

well okay that kind of shit and people don't get it oh there's a couple sentences oh so alright dude if you hear alright dude alright sounds good if you hear alright dude

and you continue to go you're a control freak that wants to run it cause you're saying I'm not gonna be the one I'll end the conversation I'm gonna end the conversation you're saying, I'm not going to be the one. I'll end the conversation. I'm going to end the conversation. You're not. The worst. Like, take a fucking

hint, man. Speaking of Colin Quinn, he had a clip out the other day with Tim Dillon that was just talking about being Irish that was just so perfect. Just being like, who are these people? How did you understand either one of them? Really, it sounds like two old ladies from Everett,

Massachusetts at Lake Winnipeg Sake smoking Palomino. of them really it sounds like two old ladies from everett massachusetts at lake winnebosaki smoking pollen i want to anyways the fucking jews i'm telling you it was so perfect i was like these people with enthusiasm for life like they wake up and they're excited for things like i just everything is just one more thing i've got to worry about every day i wake up it's just another day i to worry about. Every day I wake up is just another day I've got to worry about shit to do. If I was doing cocaine and eating pizza all day, I'd feel the same way. Take a walk,

you fat fuck. How's that? Drink some water. I don't know. Stop doing drugs. I don't know what to tell you. What the fuck? I got my stomach smaller. I feel fantastic. They have surgeries, medication. Take them, test Oscar on. You put up a video, or you were live the other

day. I think you were up in your country house or whatever, and the comments, people just sucking your dick for how good you looked. I mean, you look great. I do. I do. I feel fantastic. I felt great. This is the

problem. You had a little bit of scruff A little more than you have now It's the Brad Pitt effect It really is that thing That Brad Pitt Fight club body When you lose I'm getting there

I mean man But to be fair for Paul We are about a thousand degrees of separation away From you getting your stomach to Brad Pitt's fucking fight club body. But here's the thing. We might need another hour-long podcast. No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'll get there quick. I think you lost me at the V. Brad Pitt thing. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to get there. For the love of God, get there. I'm going to get there. I'm going to have the patience

to fuck up my mother. I'm saying is that no matter how much weight I lose no matter how, I'll never be good enough I'll never be that I'm always going to fucking hate myself I'm always going to hate myself no matter how

so even yesterday, I was hiking I felt fantastic yesterday I woke up in the morning I meditated, I worked out. Then I went on this fucking hike up a mountain to a waterfall with my family. I'm running up the mountain. I'm feeling fantastic. I get up to the

mountain. There's a pool. There's a waterfall with a swimming hole. I get there and there's just a shredded dude with a fucking boner in his underwear. I mean a fucking half rod. What's up? My wife, my 10-year-old.

I'm like, uh, am I going to leave my shirt on? Do I still have to leave my shirt on? I'm like, yeah, you know. And I didn't even acknowledge his rod. It was like right here. He's like, how deep is it? I'm like, oh, it's kind of deep. Why don't you use your fucking rod to stick it in and see how far it goes?

I mean, a nice peck of two. This thing. And my wife, nobody cared. My mean, a nice peck or two, this thing. And my wife, nobody cared. My son, my son's a 10-year-old. I mean, push it down. Go in the woods, you piece of shit. So I'm always, I feel fantastic, but I don't take those compliments. No, he doesn't.

Because it's, when you're fat up and down so many times in your life, you have to let... I don't weigh myself. I know I wake up, I move. I don't fucking stuff my fat face. That's it. That's it. That's it because once you start taking the accolades in,

if I gain a little weight back and someone says you're a fat fuck, you'll take that in too. You can't take the good or the bad. I also think the Brad Pitt, I thought you were going to go with you're never going to... You could get a six-pack, but it's not Brad Pitt.

Never going to be that. And then if you look like Brad Pitt, well, you don't look like Conor McGregor or whatever. No, it's true. You'll never get to that. I'll never get to that. This is it. As long as I live 10 more years and I can move, I'm fine with that. Yeah, 10.

Jesus Christ. 10 from now or 10? 10 more than I was going to. Thank you for doing the math. These two fucking negative Nellies. Jesus Christ. As long as I live to 62. I am currently on vacation as we speak right now,

but it is so important to me that you know that it's pirate water summer. It's pirate water fall coming up. It's pirate winter coming up. It's pirate water spring coming up. It's pirate summer, pirate water summer again next summer. Everyone needs to know that. It is a party in a can. It is 10% alcohol.

It is 12 ounces. It comes in margarita. It is 10% alcohol. It is 12 ounces. It comes in margarita. It comes in Miami Vice. It comes in Sex on the Beach. It comes in Bahama Mama. It comes in absolutely everything. It is delicious. Ask anybody.

Ask Bert Kreischer. Ask Whitney Cummings. Ask Jay Pharoah. Ask any of the other guests we've had on the show and said, whoa, what's this? Let me try this. And then they try it and they go, let me get a case of this. We have sent, I think, Jay Pharoah 10 cases at this point. He jay farrow 10 cases at this point he keeps going let me get a little more of that let me get a little more of that and if i could do an impression of him i would but i'm not

but you can do an impression of him you can do it right now i'm giving you permission you can do an impression of jay farrow by going to drink excuse me drink pirate water.com right now get yourself some pirate water go to go to GoPuff. Order it. That's easy for you. Check your local liquor stores. Check a Walmart. Check a bodega. Check wherever you want.

Just get yourself some Pirate Water because everyone's doing it and everyone's going to be doing it next year. Everyone's going to keep doing it forever and ever and ever. Thank you, Pirate Water. DrinkPirateWater.com. Well, it's a good combo, and it's a great theme. Yeah, and the producer, Mike, is fantastic, too. What's his story? How'd you get in the mix?

He's actually Verzi's producer. So, yeah, Mike Albany's funny comic from Atlanta, Georgia. He had a studio that he was having like podcasts, people in New York that needed a studio, right? So we would go, and he's got a bunch of shows, myself, Steve Byrne, all these people. And he would just be there. And we, Bobby came in for the Verzi Effect as a guest. We had a great time.

We were kind of talking about the show we wanted to do. And he was like, hey, man, we can do it here. And here's the setup. And then he put together the setup and he started to like work with us. And we were like, and it just ended up working. He's the one that has to field all these. He's getting all these fucking emails. I mean, I've learned, man, just as important as the chemistry on the mic

and the hosts, having a good producer that gets it, does the bullshit. The clips. Yeah, we just like he helps us go in. We go in, do it, and then he puts it together. Do we have any of those? Are we going to? Can we do a fan bone? Yeah, let's do it.

You got fan bones, Mikey? I got a good one. What is it? Do it. Yeah. Just play it. He wants to stay anonymous. He said people that do work.

He has a bone to pick with people that do workouts in the gym that can be performed entirely at home. It takes up a ton of room to do sit-ups, push-ups, walking handstands, and a bunch of bullshit like that. Dude, doing a walking handstand in the gym is wild. Let's separate those. Sit-ups and push-ups are different than a fucking walking handstand. They're allowed to do sit-ups and push-ups.

You can't do a fucking walking handstand. If you do a walking handstand, you can go to any gym you want. You can go anywhere. If you can do a walking handstand, you beat the gym. You don't need a gym membership. I can't even stand up on a fucking canoe. If I saw a guy in a gym doing a walking handstand, I'd just push his legs down. Bro, I can barely do a walking footstand.

I can't even walk far. It really annoys me. I have a 24-hour, not 24-hour, I have What is it called 24 hour Not 24 I have anytime fitness Anytime fitness is my gym I love it Because you get the little thing

And you buzz yourself in There's nobody there There's nobody there It's great It's open It's small But when I go in there late at night There's a guy that comes in

Once in a while That does pushups And it's like Dude Fuck you You're right It's in front of the thing machine You know what you think

And I gotta use that For my lower tits Do pushups in the bedroom Before bed Yeah but you know I mean I should not be speaking On anything

Gym related Or workout related I'm the last person Talking about it But I could see like You could talk about freckles I could Any freckle ones

I can see like I go to the gym is like where I do all my workouts and shit. Like you could make that argument all like just do pushups all day. You know, like I go for an hour because I do. I am going to do the treadmill and this and that. Got it. And part of my workout is pushups, but that's my workout time. And then I leave the gym. Yeah, but pushups, first of all, you're sweating on the floor.

All right. Your little beads of sweat are going where I'm walking, right? And you're taking up space. Unless there's a designated push-up area, I'm fine with that. Well, yeah. If you're in the middle of the circuit, that's cool. But sometimes they have

a room for fucking yoga. I'm fine with that. You know what that room's called? The girl room. You go to the girl room, I'm fine with the girl stuff you want to do. But if you're in the middle... How about the incline push-up on the bench? So in between things, he'll start doing... This one guy will start doing...

It's like, what are you getting, an extra? What are you doing? Well, those people are showing up. You know what? I want to go do inclines in front of these guys. The one that I've seen recently that has blown my mind is and i understand that it is what athletes do and all this shit that it's better to do a squat with your bare feet it's better for your foot bones and your all the muscles in your foot and people just take their shoes off and just leave them by the squat rack and then do the

rest of their workout without shoes on by the squat squat rack in my gym, it looks like the Holocaust Museum. It's just a pile of shoes. I did not know that was a thing. You mean it's fancy marble with plaques? The Holocaust Museum is beautiful. You mean the place where it happened? I mean, there's a pile of sneakers at the Holocaust Museum. Oh, sorry. Sorry.

My bad. I apologize. There's a pile of sneakers by the squat rack in the gym. I don't know if they're sneakers. I don't think they're sneakers. There's a pile of sneakers By the squat rack I don't know if they're sneakers I don't think they're There's a pile of cobbled shoes I was not aware That's the thing

That's crazy It's nuts Like now Now's the part where I take my shoes off After I've been sweating You know what I hate When you go to the gym

When you go And there's somebody there This is a bone That really gets me When they have Three sets of dumbbells in front of their thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they're doing three different.

It's like, first of all, you don't know what you're doing because that's not how you do it. That's not a thing. That's not a thing. You don't do 15, 20. They just take as much as they get to show. 35s. That's not a thing. That's not a thing.

You get one set and that's what you do your workout with. You know what I'm saying? If you're doing shoulders, you do it with 20s because that's what you do your workout with You know what I'm saying If you're doing shoulders You do it with 20s Because that's what you can do You don't do 10s 20s And then a different

That's not it Okay Second of all There's only 135 There's only 125 There's only 115 Okay Now I gotta go

I gotta go 20 Or 40 Yeah yeah yeah It's like you're fucking up the gamut. It's like you're taking all the... If you're taking like the hundreds and the fives, okay, but you're taking the mediums and the extra-larges,

like you're doing the fucking size of the medium. I don't get why gyms don't have two sets, at least two sets of those. Yeah, that's great. Well, because, I'll tell you why, because we're human beings, and we're supposed to be civil, and we're supposed to have common sense.

So if there's more than three people there, and if the guy says, I'm going to use 35s, are you cool with it? Yeah, okay, yeah, I'll use the 25s. No, no, no, I disagree. He's right. What are you talking about? He's right. Even though every time I look at him,

you look like you're going to dinner in Martin's Vineyard tonight. He looks like, he really looks like, you look like you're having dinner by the water. Can I just say something? Up at your head is a man, down at your feet, you look like Carly Simon. You look like you're having dinner by the water. Can I just say something? Up at your head is a man. Down at your feet, you look like Carly Simon.

You look like Carly Simon. You walked into this one because we've been wrenching his name all over the place on this podcast. The other day, the brand of these shoes posted him and Brad Pitt wearing these loafers. Yeah, but they didn't. He looked a little better. But you look like my Peggy wearing those socks. Yeah, you look like ball game from waist up, and you look like fucking you came into some money waist down.

Yeah, like you look like you're going to do a line tonight on a yacht off of Martha's Vineyard tonight. Nailed it. My line. Gold's on. The sight of his feet makes me want to do a bump right now. I swear to God. Here's the thing. He's right, though.

A big gym should not have three pairs of dumbbells. Okay, fine. We're all paying. They're all paying good money. Everyone's paying good money. Can I stop you right here? Did I say big gym? I said Anytime Fitness. Small gym.

You know what? Well, then that's your fault for going to Anytime Gym and expecting it to be some haven. And you want to know why, Kevin? I don't mean to jump on you with him. Okay? I mean, it sounds like you're mean. No, no, no, no, no. But here's the... It looks like a Darth Vader helmet, doesn't it?

The thing with Bobby is Bobby loves gadgets. I'm Bobby's right here. Yeah, yeah. You don't talk to me. Yeah, yeah. I don't, you don't go, what are you, my mother? You don't fucking go, the thing with Bobby, when Bobby's right here. The thing with you is.

Yeah. He loves gadgets. I'm still here. So you love. Yeah, I love gadgets. The thing that buzzes. He like, I'm telling you, this is how nuts he is. He like, am I, tell me.

What's the thing that buzzes? He likes the fact that he's got the 24. Oh, oh, oh love Jackie. The thing that buzzes. I'm telling you, this is how nuts he is. Tell me. What's the thing that buzzes? He likes the fact that he's got the 24. Yeah, so he likes apps. Right. More than fucking the weights. This is what he said to me. Hold on. This is what he said to me that day.

He goes, I call him up. I'm on my way home from the stand. He's on his way home, going up to New Hampshire. And he goes, yeah, dude, I just got to stop. I got to stop at this guy's house and pick up a kayak. It's 10 o'clock at night. And I go, what? And he goes, I got And pick up a kayak It's 10 o'clock at night And I go what And he goes

I gotta pick up a kayak On my way up to New Hampshire And I go What are you You going to Dick's Sport He goes No no there's an app Where it's like a marketplace

Facebook marketplace Yeah Facebook marketplace I bought a kayak Off of two Mexicans in Connecticut Yeah yeah yeah In the middle of the night It was a dangerous thing And I did it

And I as a friend I go dude You shouldn't do that dude Okay They're Mexican No I did it. And I, as a friend, I go, dude, you shouldn't do that, dude. Okay? They're Mexican. No, I'm kidding. Kidding.

I said, dude, you shouldn't do that. It's late at night. You don't know these people. And he goes, Ferzy, it's Facebook Marketplace. I get the kayak for less than I could get it here. And then 10 minutes later, he goes, dude, you stay on the phone in case I get murdered. I'm like, don't. Well, Connecticut sounds nice with this section. I was near one of those sections

That's for sure You count the The check cashing places Yeah And the wig salons Yeah You know what I mean And there's just more than

Fucking one you know You know Sneak a place around And it's like I'm a little This isn't Connecticut You know Greenwich

Oh so now you like the loafers huh Well There I would have But I showed I wound up being two nice guys But it was a little sketchy You know Cause I bought But Oh, so now you like the loafers, huh? Well, there I would have. But I wound up being two nice guys. But it was a little sketchy, you know, because I bought it. But I got a kayak. It was a $15 kayak I got for $600.

And I got it, and I put it in my truck, and I gave the guy cash. It's insane. Dude, if Bone... You're doing all this shit to shave $500 off of a fucking kayak. Yo, Kevin, how hilarious would it be if Bone to Pick gets millions of dollars and Bobby comes the next time he's wearing those loafers and no socks? 100%. He's got a white shirt.

I've watched it happen. I mean, we clowned on this guy forever the second that Portnoy got money. He started dressing exactly like him. Two years late. We're always making fun of him and then two years later everyone's wearing loafers. We're like, oh, fuck. I'd wear a unitard dude first of all i'm gonna say something about your little thing and then i never it's called the key it's called the key it's called the key fob and

you love it i'm gonna tell you right now i love it i love one of the things i love about the gym is that i get to just buzz myself in that's what i Jim. That's what I. Nah. Not 24 hours, dude. I go at like one in the morning because sometimes I'm up. Oh, that I understand. And I'm different. Instead of watching TV, I'll just go to the gym and I'll buzz myself in.

Make no mistake about it. If they come out with a gym with new technology where you just go up to the door and they recognize your voice and he goes, hey, it's Bobby Kelly and the door opens.

He's dumping that key he's got now. He's throwing it in the river and he'll be there. 100%. 100%. 100%. I'm a big fan of technology. You are huge. Yeah, I fucking love it.

And it's awesome. Awesome. What's your favorite gadget you got? I'm fighting right now. When you get the iPhone the first day it comes out. I'm on the plan where as soon as a new one comes out, I get it. I don't even play the game anymore. I used to love.

I waited in line in San Francisco for the iPhone 3. And I mean, I made friends. Really? Dude, I was doing gigs. I woke up at 5 in the morning, went to the line, sat in line. We were, I mean, we started talking. I love lines because you start talking, then you start, and then you boom, and you switch it up, and then you start telling, you're laughing,

then you get emotional. And as soon as they go next. What the fuck? As soon as they go next, as soon as they go. Like I'm at the movies the other day with the four guys paying, I'm getting emotional. What are you talking about? I was in line for four hours.

That's insane. Dude, those are eyeglasses. So when you wait in a line for that long, you become, you go through this whole relationship with the people in line. Holy shit. But as soon as they go next,

it's like, go fuck yourself. I'll never talk to you again. And I never saw these people again. Oh, Of course not But I love that shit I love Right now I'm fighting

I'm fighting with myself Because I'm up at the lake We just got the lake rights So now we're on We have a private association we're on And so we have the tiny house up in the woods And then we get to go down the road Private beach right on Little Squam Lake

Which is fucking the shit Right I might get those shoes for the lake And then we get to go down the road, private beach, right on Little Squam Lake, which is fucking the shit. Right. I might get those shoes for the lake. And then they have these little jet things. They attach to your wrist or you can attach them to your hips and you shoot through the fucking water like Aquaman. Does it work, though? Dude, it works. A thousand bucks.

All right. So we got a rechargeable. You can put them on your wrist And just go through the lake So I want to go I want to put them on my wrist You'll use it like once Dude you just lost a hundred pounds

And we got a good thing going And you're going to come to work in a body case You're going to fly through a boat You're going to get chopped up by a propeller Because he was playing Aquaman Bobby Aquaman Kelly's dick. You don't have the manatee beef anymore to take that either. That'll chop right through your bones, bro.

He's back half hanging out of a boat with fucking things on his arms. He used to have some meat. We can lop that off. Now it's going right to the organs. The manatee meat. You're right. They won't even stop for me now. No, but you're right.

I thought of that. You can buy a red flag that's over your head. Oh, my God. Please let me see footage You can buy a red flag that's over your head. Oh my god. What did you do with a red flag? How great would it be? Because they have a store across the street. I want to shoot across the lake in the thing with the red flag going up. Boom. Go get some

snacks. Shoot back with my water bag on my back. Like James Bond. I'm fighting it though. Don't do it. Out of all the shit, that's the one you do. just saved the $600 did you hear the last sentence he said it only cost $400

that's how crazy people think I love that and here's how crazy and delusional the last sentence he said was like James Bond that's what you just said yeah

yeah yeah yeah first of all if I got the rocket on I would S to use it 100% everybody in this room.

I would blow you up and go, Bobby, I'm bringing the family. You know what I think I have arriving today at my house? What? I think I do. What? I have eight more pairs of these shoes. No way. Shift robotics.

I like the shoes. What's that? I like the shoes. Shift robotics. I'd wear those shoes down at the beach. I'll get you. I got eight pairs coming. Bro, these guys just invented for lazy

fucks who can't even walk anymore, I guess. The shoes? The shoes that you skate? You strap them on and you just glide faster. It's easier to walk and faster to walk. Oh, it's like in the airport when you go on that thing?

It's a people mover. I just posted in the airport when you go on that thing? It's a people mover. So I just posted it being like never like intending it. I was just like one day when these come out because I think it's still like experimental. I was like I've got to get these as soon as they drop. And they sent me. Here's the problem. How about this? I don't know.

I'll say it. I don't know if we're supposed to say it. They were like we'd love to send you a pair to test out. And I was like cool. When are you going to send it? And he was like, right now, David Dobrik has them at Kevin Hart's birthday party. So after that, we'll send it to you. And I was like,

well, it's... Don't book anyone after me because I want to get hit by a car. Can I say something? It's probably true. In New York City, if you get robbed, if someone tries to mug you, you're fucked. Because, yes, they're fast in Cleveland or like Ohio.

Imagine a slow, fast walking. Give me my stuff back. Yeah, dude, you got to be careful because you can't even fight with those. Yeah, no. I mean, you look ridiculous. And they got to go through the kinks. It's new. Yeah, I'm definitely going to break a tailbone.

That experimental was carrying a lot of weight You know what I think I am getting though Is the portable ice bath I'm so sick of this ice bath shit You're all just drinking the blood of Rogan Everybody's gonna sit in a tub of ice now It's the blood of Rogan The blood of Rogan

I love it I'm surprised the bath isn't ice and blood from Rogan. I'm telling you. I got the sauna from my house. I got the sauna from my house. Best thing I ever did. That's a good one. I got the sauna in my bedroom.

I do sauna four to seven times a week and look it up. The research, it's 60. Yeah, it's out there. Are you talking like you sit in a little, like it's a sauna? It's a brief search Yeah It's out there Are you talking like You sit in a little Like it's a sauna It's a sauna You sit in it

But is it like a one person thing One person sauna Oh Jesus Christ It reduces heart Heart attack It does reduce heart attack How long is your stress 65%

What How long I do 30 minutes 30 minutes And what do you do The ice bath Huh Well I haven't got it yet

I'm going to start doing the ice bath I don't know if I can do the ice bath though Because I tried the I tried going sauna to a cold shower and I scream like a little girl. I did. I did. One of those like it wasn't Greek, like a Russian bathhouse. Yeah.

In New York. And there was this dude there. There might have been Turkish. He's hit me with leaves and shit. Yeah. I'm sitting going, going from the spits to the cold, to the hot, to this. And the guy, the guy's like, when I discovered this, I stopped doing cocaine. This is a better high than I ever got.

And I was like, dude, you're doing the wrong cocaine. I'm having a good time. I was like, I'm going to fucking stop doing drugs over here. I did it in Chicago. I was sitting in the Russian bath in Chicago, which I love. What's a Russian bath? It's an old school spitz. You know, you go. That's where Russian bath? It's an old school schvitz. You know, you go... That's where the guys blow each other

and shit. Nah, nah. It's a steam room? That's a certain day. There's a cold room. There's a cold plunge. They do. They whack you with these leaves. There's like three separate levels of the hot... Schvitz, I always just thought was the Jewish word for sweat. It's actually like a room. Yeah, no. It's like the schvitz room.

That's like the middle level of the heat. It's hot. I think they're the same. Because I've heard Jewish people go, I'm Schvitzing. I think it comes from that, though. I think it was that first. There's nothing like going in the heat where it's so hot, man, you're going to die.

And then jumping in that cold, you can feel your feet hurt because the circulation... Why is that good for you? It's 100% good. You get your heat shock proteins kick in with the heat. Fucking Bobby Kelly's talking to you.

I mean... Wait, who's hitting you? Give me a gun so I can shoot myself. Shoot you and then myself in the fucking head. What are you going to do? Just fucking eat cereal and fucking die at 60?

Yeah, pretty much. Wait, what happened? What do you mean they hit you with leaves? It's like, as they explained it, it like puts the... Yeah, blood flow. It gets the heat into What do you mean they hit you with leaves? It's like, as they explained it. Blood flow? It like puts the.

Yeah, blood flow. It gets the heat into your bones. Sure. They're just hitting you. Get a massage. I was in the one in Chicago. The guy. I was in the one in Chicago.

Talking about massages with this guy. I'm sitting there by myself and this guy. Looked like a Japanese guy, but he was Russian. I don't know what the. What? He goes. What? All of a sudden I'm sitting there.

I think I'm just, you know, schvitzing. He goes, you, you, put your feet up. And I'm know schvitz and he goes you you put your feet up and i'm like what he's like put your feet up and i'm like what he goes come here he gets down he starts grabbing my feet and i'm i'm such a people i only have two gears i have hey what's up okay and i'll fucking murder you yeah i don't have the gears in the middle to go hey man i don't know if i'm into this right right but i don't want to murder you so i guess let you do it so i just yeah i don't want to fucking murder him so i'm just like okay so he's putting i put my feet up like this and he starts using his towel to blow the bottom then he goes okay he goes get up and turn around i'm like oh this guy's gonna fuck me in the ass

i gotta let him fuck me in the ass because i'm all alone i don't want to hurt his feelings so i turn around he starts doing the towel on the back And then he's like Come with me Come with me And he put me in the cold And he goes Just go in

Count to 30 And it fucking hurt Yeah And then you go back in I did it like four times And then I blew the guy And I think

No I'm joking I would rather just die And do all that Every one of those bathhouses I've only been to a few Has that guy Has that guy And they work there Has like the Sherpa Yep Sherpa I'm joking. I would rather just die and do all that. Every one of those bathhouses – I've only been to a few – has that guy. Has that guy. And they work there.

Has like the Sherpa. Yep, Sherpa. I'm going to take you through every – and I don't think he actually is employed there, but he's just like – there's someone who so loves it so much that they're like – No, this guy was a employee. Oh, he actually worked there?

Yeah, he worked there. Oh, dude. My guy, the guy who quit doing drugs over – He just does it for the love of the game. He just – yeah. The love of the game. He's got that life. The love of the Spitz.

He had a big angel tattoo on his back, like angel wings. And he's just like, this is better than coke. And I was like, I don't think so, but it is pretty cool, dude. How good did you feel? I felt great. I felt pretty good. Did you feel as good as you do when you're on cocaine? Yeah.

I've done drugs more since than I've been back. So it enhanced your coke. So it enhanced your drug use. That's good. There's always an old dude who's naked just way too freely. you know there's always that guy he's got melting nuts just hanging off and he like and it's like don't act like you're not like they act like it's like nothing like it's you're a grown man have you have you uh started testing the waters of that at all are you still like you know keep a towel on keep your underwear on i've always when i go into steam rooms and i go

into well if i go into a steam room I have a towel But if I go into like a sauna I'll just have like Boxer briefs and a towel Like I don't Or just a towel But I don't go

But if you were I don't know Oh shit I left my towel over there I'll just sit here I wouldn't sit there I wouldn't sit there naked No that's a bone That's a bone with me

If you go into a public sauna Well I don't care You have to have your shit wrapped up Yeah You don't I don't care how confident you are with your stuff or how much you don't care. It's not about that. It's just, listen, dude. It's not a homophobic thing at all.

No, it's not a homophobic thing at all. People like to say that shit. Like, why? What are you afraid of? No, I don't want to. It's just a weird. Dicks aren't pretty. I'm not afraid of it.

Dicks aren't good looking. I've never seen a, wow, that's a great looking dick. They all look weird and goofy. And I don't wow, that's a great looking dick. They all look weird and goofy, and I don't want to look at a goofy bald dick. Come on, you've watched a porn video. That guy's got a fucking great dick. I've seen two. I've seen two.

That guy's got a nice tan dick. Whose dick I'd see? Brad Pitt's dick. Wow, that's not out there. Look. They showed John Mayer's dick. I was like,, that's not out there. Look. They showed John Mayer's dick. I was like, kid's got a decent piece.

We saw his dick? I don't know. I usually know his dick. It's on the, it's on, yeah, somebody posted it. Really?

I don't know. They don't have Brad Pitt's dick and Dolly Parton's tits. You can't, never. You gotta respect, you gotta respect that. I don't like when people do that

where they make it a homophobic thing because I go, I was a member of this place and I got elements massage. And I would go there and they would go – and I always got the same – like there were like three different women I would get. And they go, we don't have them today, but do you mind a male? And I said, I kind of just don't want to. And then she goes – I swear to God she said this. She goes, well, Colston's really good.

It's like, dude, first of all, his name's Colston. It's always a dude with a Colston. It's never George. It's never fucking George or Sean back there. Oh, Colston's really good with deep tissue. That's what she said. I'm like, yeah, I'm not fucking with Colston. It wasn't a gay thing until you said Colston.

Now it's a gay thing. If you told me it was like Miguel and he's got great hands, he's going to like, okay, but Col's gonna like Okay but Colston Because you immediately picture Somebody with a cowboy hat Yeah Coming in with a vest Are you ready man? Yeah

And it's Let's be honest here The lights are dim There's like soft music on And the dude's name's Fucking Colston It's like no I'll wait for fucking Tracy

Next week I did the Asian massage Places here You know And you go in And I went in It's legit Yeah but I went in. It's legit. Yeah, but I go in even though I go legit.

Well, I go to the legit ones even with a rager because I just because I There's a trick with the legit ones go two hours, just legs. I'm just going to jerk them out because I can't do two hours. But I went in, I go, all right. The guy was at the front. So it's, you know, a real massage. So I go in, I get naked. 20 minutes and I look down in between the hall

and there's just guy feet and lady flip-flops. I look up and he goes, we were busy. I was like, you got to go, dude. You got to go. I can't. You have fingernails. I thought you were a chick for 20 minutes.

You got to go. You You gotta get me somebody else I'm sorry Dude see this is why your show is gonna work out so great Cause that all stems from talking about pushups at the gym Yeah That whole conversation started after we talked about Just doing pushups at the gym I'll be honest and I never really talk about this

With any projects that I got going I got a bone to pick with you real quick You know what I was about to say We know Don't say I'll be honest Okay go ahead Like are you lying the whole fucking time I got a bone to pick with you real quick. You know what? I was about to say what? We know. Don't say I'll be honest. Okay, go ahead.

Like, are you lying the whole fucking time? Why are you going to say I'll be honest? Like, we don't think. I think I'm going to pick a bone about you picking a bone on that one. That was like, just let everybody says that. I'll be honest. Who said? I don't like it.

I don't like when you say. I never say. I don't like you when you're still here. I don't fucking suck and love me, you cocksucker. Okay, can I say. I'll be honest. I hate it. I hate when people go. I got a bone to pick with you. What?

You know, here's my bone. Every time I start something and I notice this even on the show, sometimes I start something and you just go, hold on, hold on a second.

Let me fuck it. You know, I'm just. Yeah, legitimate bone. I'll agree with that. Yeah, that's a real life bone,

man. That's a real life bone. You know, fucking, I'll be honest bullshit. Okay. That's from being in a guinea. Yeah,

that's a guinea thing. That's what it is. It's your Italian. First of all, you're a guinea too. Okay, that's why I said guinea. Okay. If he said guinea, you have a problem. We're both guineas. Yeah, we're both guineas.

We both have too. What I was going to say was this is the first, one of the first things I did other than stand up in my career where I'm like, oh, this podcast is something. When I go on the road and people are like, dude, there's some magic to this shit. We both feel it, but it's like... Oh, yeah, you know it.

And having other people go, hey, dude, that one is... And it's really cool. And working with him is amazing, man, because we know each other. So it's like he throws me an alley-oop, I throw him an alley-oop, and it's the best.

You can't fake that chemistry. You can't fake that idea behind it. No, he goes until you're doing a good pocket when it's fun. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah fake that The idea behind it You can always tell you're doing A good pocket when it's fun Yeah You know what I mean Yeah when you actually enjoy doing it Yeah you're doing it

Yeah You're not like I'm gonna record You know this sucks Yeah when you Like yeah let's go He's like yeah let's do it Let's Monday night

Yeah let's go It's not a You know I've done some podcasts Where it's like fuck Yeah Fuck Right right right God damn it

You gotta love who you're doing it with And if it And if it doesn't Like he said If it doesn't feel like work You're going like we're just shooting the shit and people are loving it. It's like, that's the best. Yeah, that's when you stumble upon some magic. So Bone to Pick, all on regular podcast platforms.

Is it on video too? Yeah, we got YouTube, Bone to Pick. We got where it is and it's on everywhere. It's everywhere. We got Bone to Pick. What is it, Mike? Bone to Pick What is it Mike? Bone to Pick Cast Bone to Pick Cast

Beautiful Out there Me and Paul Verz You guys You're the best Thank you guys so much For having us dude Do you want to do a quick

Answer to the internet? Sure Yeah Let's go Yeah you you you you you