KFC Radio - Bonnie McFarlane and Rich Vos || Elon Musk Announced GROUNDBREAKING News And No One Seems To Care

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

- Jackie has big hands - Jackie went to coding camp - People can sense you aura whether you realize it or not - Jackie is Magical - homeless people stealing packages and JOing in Rockefeller Center - KFC's dad pulled the most selfish move in the hospital - Feits' second annual Xmas live stream is happening - Kanye West is becoming more and more of a loser / Chris Paul accusations - Steph Curry broke basketball... or did he - Elon Musk released jaw-dropping Twitter files and no one seems to care - KFC is done with Elf on a Shelf - Video Voicemails - Bonnie McFarlane and Rich Vos ++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - Jackie has big hands 5:46 - Jackie went to coding camp 10:27 - Auras 21:15 - Jackie is Magical 27:06 - homeless people JOing 41:48 - KFC's dad pulled the most selfish move 49:41 - Feits' second annual Xmas live stream 52:52 - Kanye West is becoming more and more of a loser 01:02:17 - Steph Curry broke basketball 01:08:35 - Elon Musk releasing Twitter files 01:13:19 - KFC is done with Elf on a Shelf 01:20:40 - Video Voicemails 01:44:27 - Bonnie McFarlane and Rich Vos ++++++++++++++++++ Whistlepig: Buy our Whistlepig KFC Radio PiggyBack 100% Rye Whiskey at https://barstool.link/KFCWP Hellofresh: Go to http://barstool.link/HFKFC and use code KFC18 for 18 free meals plus free shipping Betterhelp: This episode is sponsored by Betterhelp. Go to https://barstool.link/BHKFC for 10% off your first month Helix Sleep: Get up to $200 off all mattress orders and 2 free pillows at https://barstool.link/HelixKFC HEYDUDE: Go to https://barstool.link/HEYDUDEKFC and use code BARSTOOL for 15% off. Cannot be combined with other discounts. One time use per code. 15 item limit. Must enter code at checkout. Not valid on previous purchases. No rainchecks.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. If you're looking for the place to get **** on the Barstool Sports Network. We got a Jackie Epp. This is actually, I think, my first episode doing it with just you, not, like, Survivor-based. Is it the first time we're just doing a normal episode? There was one time where like after I'd gotten the nose job kind of.

Yeah, but that's what I mean. We always kind of had like a reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just. When John got back that one day super hungover. I think Jackie. Jackie. Oh yeah, we told him to go home.

I think I was still sitting over there Would you guys talk a lot today? Because I don't know No, you're going to talk a lot today Yeah, no, you're going to talk a lot today It is hard though, because usually this is I have the topics In the current events that I want to talk about

But usually this is where John just tells some story Or something that literally Only he and his brain could experience or go through. And that's why you're Jackie. Because I was going to say there's really maybe only like one other person on the planet who can fill those shoes. And I mean that literally with your big feet. Shut up. You are.

They're of average size. Maybe like a nine. If you've got to say they are of average size Maybe like a nine If you've got to say They are of average size They are absolutely not The only thing that's bigger Is your hands Those fucking paws

Have we put that picture out there? No We'll do that with this episode Jackie Jackie has hands like Uncle Jack From Always Sunny It was an angle It was like a fishbowl angle

The fishbowl effect It was the fishbowl effect You said Because I was sitting I was sitting like this. You're actually, you're not wrong. Yeah. But it doesn't matter.

And the self-tanner. It doesn't matter, though. Those paws were huge. Those things looked like, they looked like the foam fingers that you put on. No, they didn't. They looked like huge. That was one of the TikTok videos we'd made. Look at those.

And the self-tanner makes it so bad. Look at. Yo, yo, actually just stare at it for a second. No, actually don't stare. It looks like almost like when you just let your eyes kind of like unfocus. It's huge. They are enormous. I mean, even you know.

Look at that. Look at those things. They fill up the whole screen. No, because you're zooming in on your subduing. No, look how big they are. At least the fingers are nice. Like, the nails are nice. No, they're not.

Exactly. Shut the fuck up. That was so mean. You dick. Come on. They're even worse today. No, but that is, it is the effect, but goddamn, that's funny. I know.

I know. They're big. And like, it's goddamn, that's funny. I know. I know. It is so funny. They're big and like it's just – Doesn't it suck? It's not even something the procedure can fix. Not that it matters that much. Well, you don't actually have – I mean you have big hands, but they don't look that big. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're not like freakish man hands. It is the worst. I've never gotten complaints about them. Hey! Oh! The internet is like the worst Because you like I remember that video

We all went around and I think it was Feidelberg's Food bet We all did it And I watched you do that And you don't think twice about it You see it in real time Didn't think about Jackie's freakishly big hands And then it goes on the internet and it's a thing

I just hate giving you guys ammo for me, you know? But this is the thing. You can't, it's impossible to not give the internet ammo. It's what I've learned. You, you can be fucking like Emily Ratajkowski gets made fun of.

You know what I mean? Like you, there is no buddy. No, I'm saying you guys giving you guys, but, but that's what I mean. Like, you will always give us ammo.

You can come in here perfectly done up and we will find something. It's funny because, like, I remember, like, last year, like, you were John. We're like, just, like, let us know if, like, we're going, like, too hard on you or something. And, like, I was like, compared to, like, what my friends do, do like this is light work you guys are fucking fine yeah and you guys have caught up to that i was gonna say that's how you know that i mean barely you guys still have a ways to go saying saying something like that to somebody if if we say to you let us know if we're being too hard you're you're not you're not a part of the group yeah you're not in the group you know what i mean that's that's that's the way to know you did say that to me well at that point you weren't part of the group you're not in the group that's the way to know

well at that point you weren't a part of the group now you are and it's like you can also be like a part of the group but not like a part of the group now you're a part of the group so we know we can say whatever we want at all times but honestly it is I don't know if regular people do it

they probably don't but there's something kind of liberating when you are like, it doesn't matter what I do or look like. People will clown me. I'll take my turn in the spin. It's my day to get made fun of, and then tomorrow it'll be his day. You're just like, you don't have to dress up. You don't have to do your makeup.

You don't have to do your hair because even if I do, I'm going to fucking get crushed. It's's like what's the fucking point what's the fucking point so it's very it's like i don't know what it is about me but every single group setting i've ever been in people just sniff it out that like i'm the one that everyone just well that's an interesting thought because i actually think that is a big compliment no i i like it And now it's the only way I really know how to function as a human. So it's kind of broken me down. But like... So meaning like you are just prepared to be the punching bag.

Yes, I went to coding camp. It was a coding camp. When I was in... Like computer coding? I've said this before. Yes. No, she has not. No, it was in Idaho. You've told said this before yes no she has not no

you've told me this before you have never told me that but then you also said you lied about everything on your resume so I was just like well maybe that's fake too no no no

I fully went to coding camp it was like when I said coding camp it was the full summer 9 to 5 Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday you have absolutely never told me this

I have I've told you guys you did like 40 hour weeks for three months coding? At GE. Do you know how to code? Well, like. How come you don't know how to code? Well, I know like the basics of coding.

I've taken like a lot. You know like MySpace HTML. No, like Python. Like I actually kind of know Python. I don't even know what that is. That's fucking impressive. I was Java. Like I know like a little bit of Java.

Open source Jackie over here. What? HTML. Like I can actually do that., like, a little bit of Java. Open source Jackie over here. What? HTML, like, I can actually do that. But, like, Java I really can't do. But, like, I at one point, like, now I don't remember anything. I've taken, like, only intro courses. Like, I've probably taken eight intro courses. Why did you take this course?

Because I wanted to be an engineer. I applied for engineering school. That's right. I learned that when I met your parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I got into, like, three engineering schools. I would have given... We might have to send you back

to engineering school. No, no. Could you imagine... Yo, yo, you want to talk about... When Jackie walks into Engineering 101, there would be a fucking party in that classroom. Like, and I...

Oh, my God. You guys don't even understand. One time. Like, like, and I, oh my god, you guys don't even understand. One time I took, like, a, um, well, um, in college it was, like, a coding, it was, like, an intro to coding class. I did one of the best in it. I did one of the best. Really? I did. So, wait, what does that mean?

Like, like, uh, would an assignment be, like, build a fucking website or something? Like, like, code this thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, one of our projects was build a website, and, like website and like mine i this was when i was still working for us so i like paid somebody to do that for me oh yeah but um what what are the did you did you were there like engineering nerds who didn't like you was there like they were they all so so i would imagine just all dudes pretty they're pretty sexist towards me like that's what I'm saying. One time I TA'd a class and I was like it was all dudes and they

refused to ask me any questions. How young were you TAing though? I was in high school. I don't remember shit anymore. I can't code anymore. You were in high school as a TA for coding? Yeah. How old were the people that were taking the class?

Just younger. I was a senior. Okay. And this was because- I'll be honest. If I was like just a year younger and I saw Jackie Shum, I'd be like, this bitch doesn't know what she's talking about. Yeah, but no, but I would always be able to help them and they wouldn't ask for my help

and I would just come and then I would- I mean, that is just 1 billion percent stereotyping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I kind of get it. Yeah, yeah. No, I get it. Also, I wouldn't- Coders don't look like this.

Yeah. Coders don't look like this like yeah no they don't no but my point was so when i was in coat when i was in no they don't i'm not a coder when i was at coding camp like again it's all these one time i'm sorry like and this was like an all girls coding camp it's called girls who come look it up oh wait wait okay that changes a lot i thought you were like rolling in like this the one girl why does it change a lot because i thought that you were gonna be like feasted upon by like 35 nerds in a classroom and also in all my classes they didn't give a fuck about me those the the coding people they like literally they don't see

that shit they don't see like ones and zeros that's it um girls who code girls and they somehow i was like the laughingstock of girls somehow you just said you're the laughingstock of everyone i know but it was just like you would think and no offense to coders but like it was all nerds sorry but like in the best way possible and they all were like but that's what's funny is when you go into their world they were great it's like you're the loser. Like oh like what are you. Well no it was like funny it was like chirping whatever. Yeah but that's what I mean I think that people I think people

that bar is extremely low so yes we can put it on the record that Jackie was the coolest girl at Girls Who Code Camp. And they all made fun of her? And then they all made fun of her what and then they all made fun of you and then they all yeah interesting how that worked you were the most popular person

yet they all made fun of you because that's always how it works it was like in the loving yo i'm so fucking popular they stuff me in the locker every day man they love giving me swirlies i am the prom king dude girls who code add a fucking you know it's another layer of the onion that is jackie nichols that's why you fill in for feidelberg that's i was gonna say you just you started this with i'm not gonna talk that much every time so i think that people pick out who can take it and yeah and they and that's who they make fun of yeah it's like when dave when dave like um just you know bullies employees until they are broken and then it's like but if he doesn't do that to you then then you're like really on the outs like what you really want is dave

making fun of you you know yeah he's like dave always described it it was the the shower incident with smitty when when smitty like threatened to like to sue Barstool or Dave or something like that for walking in on him in the shower. And Dave was just like – do you know that story? No. It was in the Minnesota Super Bowl house. And there was big sports news or big Barstool news, and it involved Smitty. And when you go to a Super Bowl house, have you done that yet?

Yeah, we haven't really done that because of COVID and everything. It's like the real world. It's like cameras are rolling. You're on a reality show the whole time because it's just everybody under one roof and there's always content being made. So they were like,

let's go get Smitty's reaction. And he happened to be in the shower and Dave walked into the bathroom. But it was like frosted glass like you couldn't see anything it wasn't like it was like fucking smith's dick out yeah yeah like he was like fully behind like there was nothing but he was like you're walking in on me in the shower

this is like violating fucking like work codes or whatever and then afterwards Dave was like like I remember Dave kind of being like are you being serious right now like is this like actually a problem like like cameras off yeah yeah it was just like you know like i think smitty was just taking his frustration in general out on him yeah yeah yeah

and it was just like it's hard to know like what's content and what's well he i think it started out as a joke and then he kind of was like no wait a minute i should be mad about this like you shouldn't be able to do that to me and it's kind of like i don't know man if it was a girl or something i get it but i'm the guy and then but then so the point is being after that dave was just like okay it's all good like you're right can't walk in on you shower like you'll never be in content with me again like i just can't but not even like in a punishment way he's just like i can't trust that if i make fun of you or say something about you you'll just like roll with the punches yeah like you might go snitch on me into hr or something

like that yeah and i and i to be oh yeah which is sound but that's like everything it's like you make fun of your your best friends and your family the most that's why it's so funny when you say it all out loud but it like it is it's like yo you know one of the most popular guys on the internet was like making his vlog with you like you know and you were stopped him to me that's crazy to work at barstool and and not get all that but i do think that people can people uh have a good radar generally speaking on like who to make fun of and who not to and if you don't have a good radar that's when you become an asshole where you're picking on like the wrong person who's like yo you're being a dick but there is some kind of like radar where people can sense it like

before i even talk before like people even talk like do you believe in pheromones and shit yeah i kind of do too i actually don't like know if like i believe in pheromones where it's like guys are like attracted well that's what pheromones is so That is. So do you believe in it or not? No, but I believe it's like auras. I was just going to say I believe in an aura. I absolutely think – like when people say things like when they walk in a room, like they just take over the room. And it's not because they're like loud and giving a speech. It's just like they i don't know just like the way they look but also the way they carry themselves and the way they talk but also just there's something i think like

your body is just reacting to their john was talking about it last week where like there was that time when he anyone that took a picture with him it's your he like stole it yes john yes it's not john taking a picture and i and that's weird because uh that can't be like pheromones because you're looking at a fucking picture yeah but i definitely think there's something that goes on with whether it's scent or even if you were to i think like be like a deloitte whatever i think i would still be able to sense you're like uh yeah like when i was there it was kind of like you still we like the people like when you go to a job like that the people who are like funny and cool and I don't mean cool like popular I mean cool like

not normal you know yeah like not nerds at coding camp more just like this person is going to get my jokes and I don't have to worry about them and all that shit it just like it just like happens I was thinking about that actually on the way in on the car ride for some reason like I was thinking about Taylor and

Will because that moment with them and no not november is so fun he's like we were we were on the plane saying a couple of horny boys going to new york and i was just wondering like in the locker room setting how does taylor and will like link up like one day at practice one of them makes a joke and the other one laughs and they're like oh or like or they like got put together in a in a group they were put together they were the accountability buddies i caught taylor said that and it's why they started like vegging out together and i i was shocked that i thought that was like that was like a like a real i thought he just meant like yeah we like what like we made each other no yeah i think i think it is like the

coach puts you two together on it and it's funny how you know maybe the coaches can sense those things and know but how do you just become like like did they become one or were they always kind of like the same yeah and then and like why you know at barstool like me and john linked up but like why wasn't it you know me and frankie why wasn't it you know like why why does it be the way it is i definitely definitely think, and then when it comes to, like, men and women and dating and sex, I definitely think that that's there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you can be, like, you can be, you can look the same as someone, and it's just not, you know what I mean?

Yeah, it's so true. It's like, I always bring up Love Island, but, like, in Love Island, it's, like, all attractive people. But why do these two and those two? You could just tell, like, you could just see the chemistry is not there, and it's all attractive people. But why do these two and those two? These two, you could just tell. You could just see the chemistry is not there. And it's nothing against either one of them, which is good to keep in mind in the real world or whatever. Right.

That's what I'm saying. You could date somebody, and it's great, and you break up with them, and you get someone who looks like them and same background, almost trying to replace them. And it's just not the same. It's a crazy thing. As dumb as that sounds, it's like a – Right. And that's why you can have good sex and and bad sex and good relationship bad relationship all that stuff so i definitely believe in all that but then it's also like you know you can have that

connection and then be like but this bitch has huge hands and she sweats so like what do i do yo you guys you guys i don't know what my t guys. My TikTok, there's this girl, first of all, very normal, like, cute, fun girl. And she was saying that she sweats a lot when it's cold. It's just, like, a nervous, like, whatever thing. And, like, it's a normal thing that everybody does. And it's under armpits. Yeah, totally normal. But then she said that she found this, like, it's not deodorant.

But it's, like, you buy it and, like, you literally put it on, like, once a month. And then you just don't ever sweat. I've tried all that kind of shit before. I think the only thing that worked for me was fucking heavy duty procedure. Everything else didn't work. Oh, you got Botox? I got Botox at first, but then I did something called MiraDry where they just fucking blast your armpits with heat and I think it just kills the fucking sweat glands.

And then I stopped. That can't be healthy. It cannot be healthy i cannot be it's like here's this thing that like needs to do this function and we just like kill it i'm sure i've got i'm gonna get cancer or something yeah definitely but they i don't sweat anymore i know i know maybe i'll try that i'm gonna try this other thing first i also just learned candles you're not supposed to breathe them in it has what so many toxins in them. This is like not important because you probably don't use candles as much. No, I like candles a good amount.

If I'm going to be taken out with a candle, it's like I'm not meant to be on this. That to me is like you deserve to die. Like just a little house candle? You're telling me it puts off like toxic fumes. I don't know what it is. Yeah, carcinogens. Exposure to chemicals emitted by scented candles

is so low they pose no significant risk to health Let me ask you a question I saw one TikTok I was gonna say You saw a TikTok That's all it is

It was from on TikTok Yo TikTok I think we should actually start lying on TikTok That sounds fun right? TikTok taught me and just make shit up

That's like Right Like those Snapple facts that used to be Some used to be real Some used to be real, some used to be fake. When I had an idea that was similar to fake news, you guys all No, you had an idea to recreate

a fucking Google search engine that somehow builds websites in real time. This is my coding mind. Now it all makes sense. She's a girl who can code. You can light candles all you fucking want yeah yeah yeah yeah i think it's like don't stand above them and inhale them i sure like anything else that's what i do breathe it all you know how i do i also think um i think that smell i think

it's pretty well documented that smell is like the number one like memory uh scent like if you smell something you're like like i remember i like my mom used to cook that or like it smells exactly like my grandma's basement or whatever and you like go right back to those memories like instantly i think it is actually music for me though what do you what do you like if i hear a song i be like, I was playing this video game at my grandma's house when I was 12 years old and this song was on. It's almost fucked up because if I want to shuffle my music, I can't do it. I can't just chill, shuffle my music because it just brings me back to so many different times in my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like time traveling.

And you hear a song that was a bad time in your life or an old relationship or something. It's like, I. And you hear a song that was like a bad time in your life or an old relationship or something. It's like, I just want to hear the fucking song. It's not even that it really makes me remember time, but really I feel the emotions. I don't listen to Taylor Swift really because of that. Really? I think her songs are so well written

and they're always so fucking sad or intense or whatever. I'm like, this is depressing as shit if you listen to it yeah yeah yeah i mean there's some happy ones too but a lot of it is like oh like you feel it yeah like it's like i'm not trying to get all fucking emotional right now i want to listen to some tunes i actually don't let myself listen to sad music anymore because i just feel in terms of energies what we talked about yeah and like i I think Taylor Swift is breeding a fucking generation of, like, sad boys and sad girls. I only listen to sad music.

That's so hard. I find comfort in it. Like, it makes me happier when I listen to sad music. I used to work out to it. I used to, like, work out to it strictly. What's wrong with these people?

That's weird. I think, for me, it's, like, for me, it's always rhythm and stuff that, like, controls my breathing. Because, like, when I used to run and stuff, it would be the same song on loop. And now, when I'm working out now, I want it to be more controlled. But I'm like Adele's 21.

Interesting. To me, I know we do Sad Boy here, and I get it. But sometimes it's like, I think we're, you know. You're going to end up depressed if we walk around being depressed, listening to depressed music, doing depressed things. And you think of depressing things.

Wait. Yeah. Can I bring up manifesting real quick? Yeah. I watched Maze Runner the other day. American cinema at its finest. Guess who I watched, walked by? Dylan O'Brien. That's the star of it? That's the star of Maze Runner its finest. Guess who I watched, walked by?

Dylan O'Brien. That's the star of it? That's the star of Maze Runner. Yeah. And then, wait, can I also talk about this other day? Like, how does that happen? Have they ever finished that? Oh my god, he's so cute.

Wait, wait, wait. Okay, so this is why I think I'm like accidentally turning magical. So then, there was this one day. Do you remember? Do you guys remember this? Accidentally turning magical. Oh, you had that week where you were a witch. Yes, I was a full fucking witch.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. So I'm editing, right? Then you start saying some shit where you're like, wait, no, I don't want that to be true. I don't want that to be true. Yes. Well, yeah, if you're a witch, you got to be careful. And then you said the Mets were going to win the wild card,

and then that's where it ended. Yeah, because she had a magical run going, and it ended with the Mets. It ended with the Mets. I might have fucked that up, but you got to feel sorry about that. But, okay, so my magical um this is why i can't do drugs is like if i do like i will actually start to think i'm like it's so funny you're not even on coffee anymore i'm not even on coffee i can't do anything else i literally am gonna go into psychosis okay so um so okay

so it starts off the day so i'm editing right and i'm thinking like actually there's a point that you just said that that's point that you just said that. That's weird that you just said that because – so then I was, like, I was thinking, like – Now, wait, just real quick. Imagine her, like, three martinis deep doing this, and that's when the real fun comes out. That's when the noise comes out. That's when it gets really fun. Okay, so I'm editing, right?

And then I'm thinking – I'm kind of tired, so I'm thinking about coffee. I'm like, oh, like maybe I'll like never have coffee again. Like I should have coffee, but I want to see how long I can go. Like, do you think I can go my whole life without doing coffee? And then right at that,

right at that moment, you guys said something like, like, would you rather never have coffee again for the rest of your life or like whatever? Okay. So then I was like, okay, that was weird. Like that was funny.

Yeah, just what a weird coincidence. Yeah. And then I'm still editing and like Chris Clemmer walks in and i was like no no no chris castellani walks in and i was like not that it matters at all but i was like i was like he looks like a guy from my high school like blah blah blah and then right in editing that somebody said he looks like a guy from my high school so i was like okay that it was like the exact same time it's like a second after i was like okay that was weird so then i go upstairs later and i see like i walk by joe the tech room guy or the tech whatever guy and i was like oh shit that was joe i should have said hi joe and then i look and there's and there's like this

thing of coffee and it says like your morning joe and like it's like joe and whatever so i was like what is going on okay so then i'm scrolling through instagram right and and and then um this this thing from like grape juice boys which is like the meme account or whatever which like normally this is like not even on brand for them and i get that it's just a meme it was just bad timing it said it was like a meme or whatever that said if you're reading this you've been in a coma for 20 or like for the past 20 years or like six years or something like that like we've been trying to contact you we don't know whether this is going to show up in your like in like your world but like if so like you're this is your family we love you please wake up and i was like whoa that was fucked up to show me that today because now i'm convinced like i'm in a coma and like yeah so i'm starting to like come out of the coma because like you know

like in a dream if you think about something and then it appears yeah so i was like okay tough tough day to see that so then i'm like kind of like tweaking out so i turned to these two guys and i was like i was like you got like something's happening like i'm magical like i'm more witch whatever this is also when you know jackie's yeah yeah yeah yeah and so then they were like um there i mean they didn't believe me and so then i was like what do you want me to like prove like prove to you have to like give me happiness and i was like no i don't know how to do that and like then it was like the mats or whatever but then i was like okay let's do something like smaller and i was like the first thing that came to mind was like a lego figurine i was like okay a lego figurine i was like batman batman was what i was picturing i was like, okay, let's do something smaller. And I was like, the first thing that came to mind was a Lego figurine.

I was like, okay, a Lego figurine. I was like, Batman. Batman was what I was picturing. I was like, a Batman Lego figurine. If you guys see that today at some point, then that's – Wait, hold on, hold on. Okay, so I was like, if you guys see that today at some point, just know I'm magical. You're already crazy enough to say – to set this up yeah yeah i know because i was trying to test it because i was

like i literally have not seen a lego figurine i haven't come in contact with a lego in like years okay so then i'm like walking around like the day goes stop stop okay so then i'm walking around in the day the day um goes on and then then I was like, whatever. I guess I'm not magical. No Lego. And I was like, I mean, even then, I kind of set myself up. There's a Lego store. I see the Lego store bags all the time.

I was like, that would just be a weird coincidence. Somebody would actually have to put a Lego in my hand for me to believe that I'm magical. So then I see my friend later that night. And I was like, do you have chapstick? And she like pulls out of her purse, but as a joke she was like, oh yeah, here, and puts a Lego figurine in my hand. Not even a Lego, a Lego figurine, which is what I said in my hand. Wasn't Batman.

But still. And I was like, no fucking way. And she was like, yeah, I just have a Lego. And I was like, no way! She was like, yeah, it's like a Lego. She was like so confused confused fuck all the way up i mean it was insane that is pretty creepy right isn't that weird i mean anyways that was a long story to say i'm i'm you're magic yeah remember when you ran into the homeless guy that i carried yeah 13 bucks oh yeah yeah he just ran into him and carried him 13 blocks or How many blocks did you bring him?

To the store. Not as many as me. We brought him to the store. You brought him to the store. Finally got him there. When was this? I texted him this. It was like a month after.

I was with my parents. It was like my dad who carried him. Well, we know that you're way too friendly to strangers. We definitely confirmed that this weekend. Yeah, yeah. You goddamn idiot. It wasn't even me being friendly, though. It was, okay, so.

It's you being stupid. So I walk in. It's so funny how much it didn't occur to you. It's one of the funniest two-part Instagram stories I've ever seen in my life. One of the better just before and afters ever posted. Jackie, just a still picture of her saying pull it up exactly it was so perfect vitalberg was so right when he was just like don't ever change like just just stay just stay the way you are right there jackie puts up this fucking if

you're watching you're looking at it if you're listening she says i let a homeless man into my building because he asked to come in and I didn't know how to say no. And he just seems really stoned and not threatening at all. So I was like, okay, what's the worst thing that can happen? Next slide is he stole all of our packages. That's the worst thing that can happen. You dumb bitch. It didn't even occur to me that I was just thinking about like he doesn't seem like he doesn't seem like he's going to like, like punch anybody, rape or murder anybody.

So like, it's fine. He just was cold. And I was like, he just seemed cold. So I was like, okay, like what? You just can't. The worst that can happen. I know. I, I, I actually, it, seeing homeless people in the winter sucks.

Every time I see him, I've been here my whole life. And every time I'm still like, oh my God, this has got to be the worst. But like you do you dog figure that out. I'm not you in my building well so he didn't even like you're gonna rob me he was sitting so i walk in like my like thing and he has his shoes off and he has like nail polish and he's like painting his shoes with his nail polish and he's like he's like oh thank god like somebody came in like i've been waiting for somebody to open this door and i was like okay and then he was like he was like he's like on your stoop kind of he's so it's like when you walk inside there's like two doors in the

first door yeah and he's like sitting there and then he's like telling me that he makes his own shoes like with the nail polish he like paints it like looks like a fourth grader gone into like his mom's nail polish and whatever and he's like do you have nail polish like i can make your own shoes or whatever so i'm like he's really like talking me up and so it's like, he just follows me in and I obviously couldn't like shut the door like in his face while he's like,

you know, I'm talking to him about his shoes. So then I like, he comes in and he's like still talking to me and I like see my package like kind, and then like I,

but I like was carrying a bunch of stuff and so then he was talking to me and I like didn't want to like spend too much time like talking to him so I just went up to spend too much time talking to him. So I just went up. And it was a hefty amount of packages there. And I come down like an hour, like 45 minutes later,

and there's nothing and not my package is in there. I was like, oh, you got me again. I didn't even see that coming. I didn't even see it coming. That is, I mean, that's a Se seinfeld episode back in the day that's tale as old as time like do you let people in like it's because it's super insulting if you don't yeah like if you know if you live in like a high-rise building especially like you know there's hundreds and hundreds of people who live in there yeah and you see someone being like hey hey hey like i you

know i i dropped my key or i just ran out real quick hey can you let me in and if you're like no that is basically being like i don't trust you you are fucking homeless yeah dangerous or whatever it's like the biggest judgment you can cast on someone what i've learned especially in this city everybody's an asshole yeah and it's like yeah i know that guy that guy that you helped, like, he, like, took that money and, like, you know. Yeah. Fucking bought crack with it and you're an asshole.

I actually, when I first came to New York, I was like, I will, like, I will stay my, like, nice self and I will still be nice to, like. Wait. You can't be. You cannot be. Can I say something else about manifesting? One time I literally was walking and I was like you know it's kind of weird that like i've never seen like anybody actually like jerk off like to me or whatever and like there you go

right and i look and some guys jerking off i was like wait if i'm you gotta weird form of manifest you gotta start using your brain for good right start thinking about some good shit i know instead i'm just like man i have never I have never been on a podcast that's number one in the world. Let's go. Let's do some good with this fucking brain of yours. I don't you know what's funny. I don't know if I've seen like you saw like dick out stroking or just like hand down. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was like the sunny episode. We're like, yeah, because I was like, I don't think...

I don't know if I've ever seen like full-blown dick out. I've definitely seen hand down pants a lot. Oh, man. I remember seeing... Do you think he was jerking off to you? No, he was. He was looking at me and smiling and jerking off. But did you stumble upon that?

Or he was there, you walked in, and then he was like, I'm going to jerk off to this girl. I was... No. Because that is mighty confident of you to think that you inspired the jerk off. No, I. Well, I don't know if he saw me. Was he jerking off before you or after you? I think he was.

I think I was helping him finish. Like, I think that like I think that like he looked pretty happy to see me right then. So I think that like I i was that's hilarious you think you you think that you were the like let me scroll through to the end of the porn video one percent exactly you were the money shot yes exactly i was the one percent at the end we're like all right i'm ready to finish let's just get to the end of this video you were you were it and and i literally said i said no i said no and then he kept following me and like i like because he like no no put it away no no and this is also right in front of my building what is it on the street like you're

walking and he and he so i literally and it's weird because at the start of the street was when i had i thought like it's kind of weird that nobody's ever jerked off to me i was like really i must not have it like that i can't wait to get this no job because i have not he was like oh my god i just like it's like crazy like that. I can't wait to get this no job because I have not fucking. Nobody's even jerking off to me. He was like, oh my God. I just like, it's like crazy. Like the homeless people who jerk off to me, like everybody like in the streets. And I was like, yeah.

Totally. So crazy, right? And then literally I walked on the street and like a minute later and then I like see him. So maybe I was just like hopefully looking, like looking. You were looking for the masturbators. I was wishful thinking. Well, it's one of those things where you say like the red car and then you're all you can see is red cars yeah you

were just looking for homeless masturbators and they're probably everywhere if you're looking for it yeah and it springs up i remember this girl this woman oh it was the most horrific sight i've ever seen she had her pants pulled down to her knees and her shirt pulled up like over her tits so just like the middle was open and it was as unkempt as can be she was just riding the d train and i was just like it was i mean it was horrendous horrendous and there's an ati question would you rather hook up with someone who has their basically, washes their pits and their crotch or their mouth and their face or whatever. And I always pick, like, I want the crotch and the pits

because it's like I've never seen that and just being like, I was, like, freshman year of college and it stuck with me until now. Ew. Oh, horrible. And then you see, like, the guys who are, like, peeing and then there's people with their hands on their pants. I just don't think I've seen homeless dick. Yeah, I don't—

Exposed dick is pretty rare. I don't think I've seen an exposed dick. Usually that's if they're fully nude. So we've been seeing Rockefeller Center during Christmastime. I think this is the place to come on your clothes. Not if you're looking for the yo the new it's at the top of fucking you know like new york city hot spots if you're looking for the place to get come on your clothes racafella center that is what are you talking

about that's really i just i know like i don't directly know the people but i know people that just did the classic engagement in front of the tree there. Yeah, they're getting cummed on. They're on like guestofaguest.com Top 10 places to get cum on your clothes in New York City. Rockefeller Center. What? What do you search? Rockefeller Center? Cum. Get cummed on.

Get cummed on. I swear to God if this is like a top result. I actually think Chris... Is this a TikTok again? I mean, don't get me wrong. Someone has for sure gotten cummed on at Rockefeller Center. It's just a numbers game.

I don't know if it's like known for getting cum on you though. Wait, why am I blanking on his name? Who? Works here? No. The comedian. DeStefano. I'm pretty sure DeStefano said this. He got cuming on his name? Who? Works here? No. The comedian. DeStefano. DeStefano.

I'm pretty sure DeStefano said this. He got cummed on at Rockefeller Center? I think so. Let me text him and see if that makes sense. Well, so stay away from Rockefeller Center. I mean, I stay away from the regular people, let alone. It was an accident. It was a typo.

He's still the AFF. Hello. You get cummed on at Rockefeller. Yeah, you gotta keep your you gotta keep your head on a swivel. And also, if you think about

to bring it back to what we were talking about, you think that when if you have like an aura that there's also like like the freaks there's also like like like the freaks and the homeless people and like the jerks and the bullies and shit will like like they how they pick their targets you know yeah because like why'd you push that person in front of the tracks why'd you why'd you put punch that person in the face why'd you rob that person you know yeah how do they pick their targets that's the thing is like i like i think one of the reasons why i'm

so like confident is because i don't think i'd be the target to like nobody's gonna really fuck with me you started this saying people exclusively fuck with you no no no like physically i don't think anybody's gonna like physically like take me to fight because i look kind of sturdy what the hands and the feet because you will get fucking beat up your whole face you will get i part of me wants you to fight in rough and rowdy. I know so badly I do. I think you're going to do it eventually. No, I will never.

You have too much interest to say never. I know, but I also have so much confidence I don't ever want that. I don't actually want to know the outcome. I don't actually want to know that I'm a little bitch. Well, that's actually a smart play. It goes back to the days when Rocket and rocket and uh white socks dave had their their baseball yeah speed off um jared had thrown the hardest and like had that title and he could have just been like no man i'm the king yeah yeah and then he threw it again and he it was like 20 miles an hour slower and it

was like and then white socks they beat him so in your head right now you have huge hands and huge feet and we all think that you could probably beat a bitch up i'd be such an alpha male if i were a male i think that you might transition at this point yeah i know i think you want i think you want to dick so bad i think you want to be a guy so bad i mean you would have a hog with the rest of your extremities that's for sure i know i know but no it needs to be it needs to be natural. Do you, are you, you know when, this is gross or whatever, but whatever,

it's fucking capes you right now. If you hang out with a bunch of chicks, will their periods sync up to you? You're the one who leads it, right? Well, no, no, no. Not necessarily like periods sync up, but I pulled my mom out of menomause because my,

and literally her doctor's notes, I've said this before, also her doctor like has in her notes because every single time i come around this has happened four or five times now my mom like is desperately trying sorry mom for airing you out but she's her body's desperately trying to go through menopause and starting every time i go home for long periods of time she gets her period again on the dot whenever i'm there and my sister will sync up with me but not necessarily like my friends like whenever i live in a house i always like whenever i'm living with girls like we never really sync up but because that's that's that is the sign of the alpha alpha female they they you you run the show yeah but then it's also like

you have all the pheromones and the testosterone right i don't have testosterone i've gotten levels checked and i have very normal testosterone levels. Well, everybody has testosterone. Yeah, yeah. I think you would probably have higher than average testosterone. No, I don't. I got it checked, and I have very normal. If anything, it was actually lower.

You got this checked because you were so afraid. No, no, no. That's how you know you got a lot of testosterone. If you go to the doctor, you're like, please check my testosterone level. I am a fucking dude. No. In high school, I had really bad acne, so I was trying to figure out if it was hormones or whatever. And so then I got it all checked, all the hormones checked.

So I got everything checked. I still think there's a chance you beat someone in here. Yeah, definitely. That's mean. No, I wouldn't. Yeah, no, there's a chance. You believe that. No, I would not.

Who do you think you have more testosterone than? No, I don't that's gonna be when we do that that's gonna be a dangerous game to play that's gonna be that's gonna hurt somebody's feelings christmas is almost here and that means it's now time for you to start uh thinking of the gifts that you got to get for your brother or your boyfriend or your father and we all know that sometimes it can be hard to shop for the men in your life let me tell you something easy easy peasy get them some kfc Radio Whistlepig. The 10 year anniversary of KFC Radio. No better way to spend it

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so always be on the lookout for that for a KFC Radio Whistlepig cocktail. Shout out to Whistlepig for helping out and sponsoring the show. Great Christmas cocktail. The apple cider with that whiskey is unbelievable. Apple cider with the whiskey and, of course, the maple syrup Old Fashioned. The maple syrup Old Fashioned is the one for me. That is the best cocktail. I've been drinking it on the rocks.

And then my girlfriend, I'll give her a splash of the maple syrup in it. Just to sweeten it up. Honestly, I started doing that now, too. Yeah, hell yeah. Fuck yeah. It is so good. Speaking of getting tests done, we were convinced that my dad was going to die last week. So he got this blood work done and his numbers came back like way out of whack.

Like his blood was bad. Like my mom's on the phone. We're crying. She's like, it's either going to be colon cancer or leukemia. Like, we just don't know which one it is. We're hoping for leukemia. That's like the best case scenario. Meanwhile, my dad is fine walking like five miles a day. Takes're hoping for leukemia. That's like the best case scenario. Meanwhile, my dad is fine. Walking

like five miles a day, takes the dog for every walk. Like, he's like, and he's the type of dude who's just like, I'm fine. I don't, like, I don't care about this. And we're like, Dad, come on. You gotta take this shit seriously. Whatever. He didn't get his colonoscopy done when he went in to get it when he was like, when he hit the age. He went in and he had a little

bit of a fever. And they were like, we can't do it. And he was like, well, fuck this. I'm never doing that again. Because you've got to do all the prep to lead up to it and all that shit. So he never got his colonoscopy done. We thought he was going to be sick. And so we have a couple days of like really, you know, like wringing our hands and being nervous. And then we had to take him to go get a colonoscopy done.

Sorry for airing you out, Dad. And I go. My mom was like, I'm going to take him to go get a colonoscopy done sorry for airing you out dad yeah and um i go my mom was like i'm gonna take him but like if it's bad news i will like not be able to drive home so i so me my mom my dad go we are sitting in the um waiting room i hope i still have the video of it um first of all they start playing paths you'll know this, the fucking Chicago Bulls entrance music. You know that... And it's just like a rock song that they... I've never heard that anywhere else.

Anywhere else, right? Anywhere else, yeah. So I'm like listening... Where's my... Yeah, I'm like... I started filming myself being like, is this the Chicago Bulls entrance theme music right now? Like, what is going on?

And so it was just a weird vibe to begin with and we're in such a weird spot because we are like the paper is saying like the people who read the results were like is he unconscious

right now like he should be in a hospital he shouldn't be behind the wheel this is like these numbers are of a person who was like too ill to like be up and about but we're watching him like totally fine so on the one hand i'm like really nervous for the paperwork but like logically my body just like won't let me be that nervous because i'm like he's fucking fine he's just sitting there so it's just a weird vibe and but we're laughing we're joking that's what we do my mom finally like it sets in and she turns to me and she goes

i'm about to have a panic attack like it's setting in now as they say that my it's me my mom my dad we're waiting for him to go in as she turns and says I'm about to have a panic attack they say his name and it's his turn to go in the funniest shit I've ever seen in my life remember that dude who got drafted and just walked away from his family my dad just got up and just walks

like no regard for us no turning to us like it's gonna be okay I'll see you in a minute. Like, whatever happens will be fine. No, didn't. Nothing. Just up and walked away.

And my mom was like, did that just happen? And I started, I mean, there's other people in the waiting room. I am laughing maniacally. Like, my dad just, he just went, gone. gone nothing not even a word to any of us i mean he was like i'm fine i'm fine because he was like the whole thing was just like yeah whatever and he walks back out and he goes i don't have cancer i was like what i'm like dad it was like the arrested development doctor i was like you gotta fucking you gotta learn how to like have it was funny because uh he has a hard of hearing so he has like some hearing aids and he was like the arrested development doctor. I was like, you got to fucking, you got to learn how to like have, it was funny because he has a hard of hearing.

So he has like some hearing aids and he was like, we were retelling the story and he was like, oh, it's because I couldn't really hear you guys. And my mom goes, no, it's because you're a social misfit and you don't know how to behave. It was, I've never seen someone move faster. He was just, it was like he wanted to get in there and get away. It was the most like my dad moment of all time. So did your mom, like, was she panicking like even more after that? No, like she said it like killed her panic attack.

She was like, it was so utterly ridiculous that I like stopped panicking. Fucking ridiculous. They were just like, you don't have cancer, but we don't know like why your numbers are out of whack. He was like, I don't know, man. What do you want me to tell you? I want to meet your parents. Oh, he trip he is so fucking funny he doesn't he is just like he he lives the the perfect life of like it my brother said if confidence could like kill cancer yeah that's why he was just like i don't know it'll be fine i'm good we're good to go but

that fucking chicago bulls music was the weirdest part of the whole thing. That is really strange. You'll notice it when you hear it. It's like they play it when you're at a game and they're hyping up the crowd and shit like that. It was only during the Jordan. Well, they might still do it. But during the Jordan era, they would televise it. Yeah. From North Carolina.

Oh. This is on in the fucking waiting room. Imagine if I'm going in for like my call. That's why she had a fucking panic attack. Oh my God. Let's go. Two minutes to go. It's go time.

You might have cancer. From North Carolina at 6'6 Guard, Michael Jordan. I mean, that's probably why he just got up and ran in there. He was all jacked up. What is that? The Alan Parsons project? That song, it's called Serious? Is that the name of the song?

Yeah, I mean, that song is called The Chicago Bulls Entrance Team, as far as I'm concerned. I've never heard that anywhere else in the fucking world. But yeah, I mean, we got to get all of our tests done. We got to go to Let's Get Checked, and you're going to be testosterone queen of the... No, I'm not going to. I don't see why not.

Okay, we've got... That just made me think how funny it would be if we had a Thanksgiving, but not with your significant other's family. Just the podcast families. Bring them all together. Oh, like my family with your family with your family? Yeah.

Bring all of them in together and just let them. My family is so weird. Same. I would be so – I would not want to do that. I'd be like, you guys are too weird. I would be so – I would not want to do that. I'd be like, you guys are too weird. I would be curious. We have such a small, like, family, and so it's like we're just weird. You get weirder and weirder because you're just with, like, your inside people.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Like, we don't even know – we don't even do the, like – we don't hang out with aunts and uncles much, so we don't even do that, let alone hang out with strangers. Oh, I'm not including aunts and uncles on this no but but you know what i'm saying like because we don't even do extended family yeah forget about doing outsiders like yeah i'd be like there's no way you guys have any social skills anymore like there's no way you can do this you're all fucking

weird my yeah my parents like recently they've like been on like a social kick or whatever so i mean they were the life of the party at the la show i thought that you you were the you you have cool parents you have hot parents and cool parents they're hot i mean your dad's a good looking guy your mom's a small they're hot yeah i don't know where you went wrong but the jeans got crossed up there i mean were like, look at our beautiful baby. What are these feet? I want to see the little footprints that they do in the hospital. Probably toes hanging off the paper.

Her heel probably didn't even make it in the fucking picture. Of average size. You have to say of average size. You know who says that? That's what guys with tiny dicks say. It's of average size. Okay. Okay, little man.

Same thing for you, you big freak. Speaking of husbands and wives and them, how they interact, we got Bonnie McFarlane and Rich Voss on the show. Comedies, king and queen. The first couple of comedy they are on and they are, they're like my mom and dad. If my mom and dad had a podcast, it would be similar to those two. So we got them on the show. We'll get into our voicemails.

But first, let's rattle through some of the One Minute Man topics of the week. Oh, real quick. Did you see on there? I got John to agree. This is a very lofty one. Yeah, the Christmas stream. So he'll do the christmas stream but we need to hit 200 000 subscribers oh wow which we're like 40k away 45 away but how fucking funny would

it be if we ruined his christmas again last christmas he had covid so he was happy to do it yeah this christmas he does not knock on wood so he will probably would like to celebrate christmas but if we can get 45 000 more subscribers he'll do the Christmas stream, which is one of the funnier. John's streams are, he's two for two. They're so good. He needs a series that's called like John's streams. And it's all the holidays, whether he's doing Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, whatever. So everybody subscribe and tell your friends to subscribe.

We need to go like mega viral for that to happen. But it's on the table. 200,000 subscribers. It's one of those when I thought of it, I was like, this is something that our fans would just do out of spite. I would hope. Where it would break the bubble. Dude, Barstool fans do that with everything but YouTube. And I don't get why. I did an interview over the weekend with this guy who was talking about YouTube podcasts.

And he said, fuck, I can't remember the numbers now. I'll ask him for it. He said something like it's officially the majority of people, like something like 51% of people say they like to consume podcasts on video now. Which is like, I mean, the amount of people who told me like, people don't watch podcasts on YouTube. What are you doing dude like yes they fucking do you goddamn morons um but yeah i mean it is electric when he does it so if we if we ever said like if we ever said everybody go follow this twitter account or buy these t-shirts or buy these tickets we sell out we we get a hundred thousand followers like

right away whatever it may be youtube is still just a slow fucking grind i don't know why but yeah i mean it kind of makes sense i guess our our our demo is like the older yeah range if we had like a young new podcast where everybody was subscribed to youtube and using it the right way we'd probably be better off but the light mummy is still just unbelievable it's great man that was i mean he texted me two days before that and was like i think i'm gonna do a live stream it was incredible and then and it was like a full 24 right he went to sleep but like the sleeping was the best when i tuned in and it was just a dark room and you could just hear it oh yeah i forgot rosebud joined yeah we had a bunch of guests it was great um i jumped in and it was just a dark room. And you could just hear it. Oh yeah, I forgot Rosebud joined. Yeah, we had a bunch of guests. It was great.

I jumped in and shotgunned a beer real quick. If you guys want it, it's there. Tell your friends. Subscribe on YouTube. It's KC Radio. Alright, topics, Jackie. I gotta start with Kanye West. Kanye West

is the biggest fucking loser in the world. I honestly didn't watch the full thing. All I saw was the Nazi part. That's the only thing anybody saw. Yeah. He is so fucking dumb and has somehow convinced the world that he is this like genius when if you if you do listen to any of those interviews at length he's always like stumbling over his words he's never really making sense he he is not like this great like speaker who you know like he's he is still always just at heart like a rapper and a

producer who is like amazing at all that shit. But he just started to mention himself in the same likes like Steve Jobs and like he's like revolutionary people. And it's like, no, man, you know, you you are very like persuasive in in music and fashion. And like, that's it. And somehow he got the world to like take the bait but when you listen if you listen to the full things like i did a one minute man when he did an interview with the ceo of aloe the clothing company that was the first time i really heard him start to talk about uh jewish stuff yeah and that interview kind of went under the radar and i want to see if I can pull the clip up. At one point, he says something like about Jewish people. And like he basically said, like, it would be like stereotypically, like if you made fun of Jewish people for like the way they could dance.

Yeah. He was something like black people, white people, Jewish people. And he said that Jewish people can't dance well. And then he froze up and was like, we might want to edit that out. Let's edit that out. Yeah. And then he was like, and he got really frazzled and flustered and then was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's make sure we edit that out.

And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fine. Whatever. And I guess they didn't. I think it was like they, where did I see that? Maybe it was like there was a second video of like unreleased. Whatever it was or for whatever reason, they did leave it in. And it was funny though, because this was like, what?

That was like a month ago, a couple months ago? That's light work. And he was like worried about Jewish stereotypes. And that's why I think all of this is for show. There's no way you just become a Nazi. Yeah. why i think all of this is for show like there's no way you just become a nazi yeah like you have to have like deep-rooted weird mangled warped like views of the world to be a fucking nazi this is all just for attention and to stir the pot or to try to get canceled to try to get kicked off of platforms maybe that was like he he accidentally dipped his toe in the water

and a bunch of Nazis DMed him or listened. I mean, that could be where, like, I think if you all of a sudden... I mean, he was hanging out with that major white supremacist, too. So don't get me wrong. What he's doing now is wildly disrespectful, and I don't care what your reasoning for it is. If you are cosigning Nazis and hanging out with them and all that shit, you are the company you keep i'm just saying there is no way that like deep in his heart kanye west believes in this nazi shit i want to know if he thinks he's killing it right now or if like he

if his goal is to be in the media you believe in the idea of no such thing as bad publicity then then he's at the top of the game right now if you, you know, you have some nuance in your brain, it's like, no, being known as a Nazi sympathizer is not good. But I could see this being a Kanye thing where he's like, this was my plan all along was to like see how far I could push the envelope and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, well, that's just as bad.

It's one thing, you know, it's almost like if you were born and raised in, like by your parents who are Nazis and you're like, you never had a chance. Yeah. Not that I'm, you know, like, cosigning that or condoning that. But it's like, oh, yeah, like, you were taught this. Yeah.

He is almost doing it on purpose is almost worse. Yeah. Because it's like, you know how bad it is and how hurtful, like, it is to, to like talk lightly about it and you're like it's it is not real to go ah i kind of like hitler yeah that's it's a wild thing a joke that's like a punch line that's like i'm trying to be radical and what what's wild though is then him trying to say like the defense where it was all fake that hitler invented highways and microphones where it's like why are you trying to bring up this shit that it's like there's like loose ties to like i guess they were the first one to do a national highway but it was like you didn't invent highways bro bro you

know the german germany was you know ahead of the game in a lot of things they were a fucking almost took over the world like yeah they invented some they invented some things. There's some companies. There's Volkswagen and Mercedes and all this shit. Like, it's not that, like, Nazis were, you know, we took a Nazi scientist who helped us get to the moon. Like, it's not that they were, you know, that's not the problem. It's that they were fucking genocidal maniacs. So, like, yeah, to be like, oh, you know,

everybody has some good in them and to use Hitler as the it's just like to me, it's this is the this is the embodiment of embodiment of Kanye, where it's like you think you're something special and intellectual. And, you know, you're you're you're putting yourself in the Elon Musk class and, you know, like Lex Friedman and these like scientists and actual smart people. And it's like you're a fucking like dancing clown. It's like, look at me, look at me, you know like lex friedman and these like scientists and actual smart people and it's like you're a fucking like dancing clown it's like look at me look at me you know yeah and it has to be some kind of like i'm sure like his bipolar yeah and i guess that too but it's also like i hate that excuse where it's like it's probably a reason why it's happening but then i don't know take your meds and figure out how to fucking and And then the whole blowing up Chris Paul and Kim K was just a dick move. That was just a dick move. Just like, well, now, like, all of our teenage and, like, pre-teenage kids are, now what?

You know? Like, Chris Paul has three kids who I think are, like, 12, 11, and 10. And we know the Kardashian kids. It's like, so, now what? I didn't even really see this. His last tweet before he got kicked off was just,

I caught Kim with Chris Paul for no fucking reason. It's very funny that he chose this photo. It is. It's just the most random. And the fact that that Dalio guy

is right above it. I don't know why. Where is that photo from? No, it's got to be like the players union or something like that right like the state farm like right right right of employees and it is don't get me wrong his star and the fact that it's chris paul who's like this very like polarizing basketball player some people hate him some people love him like we're clean cut guys and absolutely yeah and

then it's like yeah i'm just gonna just going to fucking dynamite your marriage. See you later. I mean, he can be like, honey, it's fucking Kanye West. He's a Nazi. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Poor Kim has to be like. But it's also like out of all the people in the world you choose to like fake fuck my wife, I'm not picking Chris Paul. You know? I can't decide.

I can't decide whether Chris Paul is like I'm just not picking Chris Paul I'm picking someone cooler I'm sorry it's true I just I can't I am so happy to have been on the right side of Kanye West for so long now and I hope that like the people who still constantly defend him will also

now be able to admit that some of his music is fucking trash because the amount of people who would just defend him will also now be able to admit that some of his music is fucking trash. Because the amount of people who would just let him put out any music and say it was good, now that he's like the most garbage human alive, it's like, still, you're still going to ride for him? Hello Fresh is the perfect meal kit company for this podcast because I know you guys are all procrastinators and lazy. And you want to order and you're probably fat and have bad food habits like the rest of us here. And so you probably don't cook and you probably don't go shopping and you probably don't have fresh ingredients because it's all too much of a hassle. And that's where HelloFresh comes in.

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Why doesn't he just do that all the time during the games? That's what I said. If you can hit full court shots all the time, why don't you just inbound the ball right in the corner there and just fucking hit those threes all day? Because nobody would be guarding you, and you could just hit those every time. Right? Yes.

I think that he shouldn't have even proven that he could do that. Yeah, because now the cat's out of the bag that he can hit full court shots all the time. And then if everyone learns to be able to do that, the whole game basketball is defeated because then everyone just – The sport. This video ruined the sport of basketball. It's the end of basketball. It's the end of the game as we know it because now

You can't even jump up. This would be like someone hitting a fucking home run every single pitch or something where it's just like well now we can't play the game anymore. Every high school basketball

practice today I bet they're practicing this drill. Instead of doing fundamentals. Did you play basketball one game? Like one one year yeah like you know you do like layup drills and and like you know you run your sprints coaches are kids are gonna be like coach i'm just gonna practice my full court shots because steph curry can do that that's so true it's like it's gonna change it i also i think that that's impressive i don't think it's that impressive because i think that it's like literally basketball or like shooting hoops scoring goals all think it's that impressive because I think that it's like literally basketball or like

shooting hoops scoring goals all that it's like if you just practice that a million times you could be able to do that I get what you're saying I I think mostly the reason I I am not impressed by it is that there's no way it's real Jackie you're an idiot Wait what Wait what No you can't No one can hit Five fucking Full court shots In a row What do you mean

That's not real That's not real Yes you're watching it No it's not Confirm not real Everything on the Fucking internet Confirm not real

Wait what Wait I'm watching it Have you never seen A fake video On the internet Jackie Well this I will give it It's the best one I've ever seen

It's not real Not even remotely real It's the best one I've ever seen because One the editing job is like spectacular And two they picked the one Guy on the planet earth where you go like I don't know man maybe Good but no nobody can

See these other videos where like Remember the football one that I did with the new football? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like these are all fake. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Made by the same guy. Yeah. The big one is the Brady one when he gets it stuck in the like turbine. Oh, did they find like some evidence?

Yeah. What is that? That ball clearly just like missed all the way down here. That's one frame that he forgot to cut out. Oh, so he fucked up evidence? What is that? That ball clearly just missed all the way down here. That's one frame that he forgot to cut out. Oh, so he fucked up. Yeah, he fucked up. I mean, he did an unbelievable job. I can't believe he actually had that bad of a mess up.

That's why. When you texted me that last night, I was breaking that goddamn thing down. Yeah. But, I mean, I did. For someone who played basketball and grew up watching it their whole life, I was like,

I still was like, maybe he did it? I don't know. Like, he, it's not, like, I knew in my head it's not possible, but if there was somebody who would ever hit

five shots in a row, it would be him. The thought of Jackie watching that and just being like, well, that's it for basketball. The sport's done. Guys, the sport's over. That's it. We have to cancel basketball. We can't

do it anymore because it's ruined. Oh, so you guys did this the whole time? This one was real though, Jackie. Yeah, this one was dope. This one was... I mean, that's also LeBron. This is LeBron when he was in his prime. And it's like, you know, that's also LeBron this is LeBron when he was like in his prime and it's like you know that's different

totally is it? fuck I don't Jackie no he just made five in a row shooting like this oh fuck me it's a commercial on the television oh it's power I didn't realize it was power

show the Mike Vick one no stop showing me stuff I don't believe anything show the Mike Vick one. No, stop showing me stuff. I don't believe anything. You've got to show us something real. Show the Mike Vick one. Yeah, show the Mike Vick one. That'll prove it. That'll show that athletes can do crazy things. I mean, obviously, it's not real.

That is so funny that you were like, guys, basketball's ruined. Here, look at this. This is Mike. He's throwing the football. Wow, look at that one. That's not real. That was like 1999. People were like, whoa.

I didn't even know that you could think of it. But wait, is this the one where he throws it real. That was like 2000. That was like 1999. People were like, whoa. I didn't even know they could edit it. But wait, is this the one where he throws it out of the stadium? Yeah. Yeah. We were all like, whoa. Holy shit. He threw it out of the fucking stadium. That is one of my favorites.

Do you guys think that you guys would know how to edit something like that? So I was breaking it down. I think I figured out how he did the the five shot one i think half of the court is just recreated in cg so that way when the ball goes over yeah and the blue background really helps because that's a perfect chroma key like that's like green screen you could pull that easily and then just recreate everything there's no doubt you could do that oh that when kobe jumped over the car that was real you guys are so convincing every time that i don't know that is so funny i would believe that because i've like jumped over a small car before no you fucking have not like that with your feet like feet. It was sideways. It wasn't moving.

That's like me saying I could jump from a building. You jumped over the hood of the car? No, it was like the top. No fucking way. I planted a hand. I planted a hand. You did not jump over the top of a car. I used to be here 150 and 511.

I was... So you did like a car... It was like a smart car. No, it was like a very small, old maybe like a Corolla. It was my friend's car. We were running for cross-country and I just ran.

What? I don't think I believe that. Do you guys believe that Nick Hammy jumped over a car? No, I do not. Nick Hammy now ain't fucking Nick Hammy back then. Nick Hammy now couldn't fucking... Oh, no, I jumped over this fucking table. Well, if I have to jump from building to building, you have to jump car.

Yeah, that's fair. Fine. That is fair. It's very funny. Don't we own that building now? Yep. Yeah. Jackie's going to get up on that roof soon.

And then we'll rent a car. I officially am done with, like, ever. I'm done with everyone is what I'm done with. And Twitter proved that this weekend. Elon Musk releasing those, like, Twitter files. See? Exactly. Nobody even fucking knows it happened. Elon Musk went into, like, old Twitter before he owned it and went through all of the emails and all of the communication and released it to a journalist.

And it's just blatant proof that both political parties emailed Twitter and was like, delete this tweet, ban this person, censor this person. And Twitter did it it's it's the exact sort of censorship that both sides have been freaking out about for the last eight to ten years being like fake news and cancel culture and censorship and hunter biden hunter like they confirmed that the hunter biden shit was suppressed because the the democrats didn't want that out there confirmed that donald trump did it several times like here's what we want to suppress on your platform do it and they did it and nobody cares not a word which i think enforces two things one is that most people it's it the problem is it is that both sides so neither of the extremes can get upset about it so you're left with the people

in the middle and the people in the middle are like we don't care and i've also decided i said the same thing about the the aliens when they released all the information that there just are basically like confirmed ufos and confirmed aliens and nobody cared people don't want it answered they want the like the the threat to be there or the story to be there or the rumor to be there and then when you tell them it's true or false or whatever confirmed they're like well now there's nothing now there's nothing to yell about because we just have the answer yeah i also feel like it's something where it's like you know like if a joke is like too there yes nobody's gonna make the joke because it's like it's like too on the nose i feel like it's something like that like people

want to be more analytical like if we were to make fun of your nose job it's too it's too on the nose oh that was actually good like i'll give you that it's the same thing it's like in monster movies where they say like don't show the monster like the build-up of like the thing in the darkness is better than seeing the big monster when it's like, yeah, confirmed. You guys are right. There's suppression. There's censorship. Here it is. And everyone's just like, so Kanye is a Nazi.

It's crazy. Yeah, it should have been. It was like confirmed that the political the presidential election was affected by social media. Yeah, and people just aren't saying it. People aren't talking about it it's all we heard about it's all we heard about for a decade and then they confirmed it and because it makes both sides look bad nobody's talking about it it's like the spider-man and man where it's like it's fucking crazy everybody pointing at each other what are they gonna do like that's

the issue too i i i don don't know But it would be like Oh wow Trey Turner to the Phillies Fuck I did The Phillies were like We're getting one of them I would prefer

Not to be Trey Turner But they are gonna be a problem That's crazy That infield is nuts You have to just Fucking go get it Like Nimmo and everybody else You have to go get Nimmo

You can't play They're talking about bogey I can't see that happening. Bogarts. I mean, I kind of can only because it's like, I just spent all this money on players who are only going to be good for the next two years. So the window is now, no matter how good the Phillies get.

What'd they give them? Do we know? No, it's still in the works. Fuck. Anyway, I think if I was one of those people who was like, I guess it just goes to show how little people can put aside their politics because I'd be like, I told you so. I told you the election was tainted. And they'd be like, well, yeah, but your guy did it too.

And I'd be like, yeah, but also I was fucking right. But because they dick ride so hard, they won't mention anything about it. It's fucking crazy. I mean, it should be one of the biggest stories. I guess Twitter is not. Like, if you told me, if you had full-blown confirmation that Fox News did it and CNN did it, the people who are at home watching on TV would get it. But, like.

So, did, like, nobody cover it, really? Nobody. That's wild. The one journalist, like, Elon gave it. It's called the Twitter Files. and they're going to keep doing it. He's like, this will be a part of a series where we release all the information. It's a huge Twitter thread showing screenshots from the government to Twitter. Here, like, this link, this link, this link, please, thank you.

And, like, confirm, like, please confirm when deleted. And they wrote back, like, confirmed. He was like, just regular work. Like, delete this. Okay. Fucking nuts. Nobody cares. That is nuts and last thing

I do have a beef with the elf on the shelf people dude you're in the thick of it bro let me tell you, I'm in the thick of it my household my wait you got the oculus? you still got the oculus? I do yeah

I've been fucking around with VR shit so let's Wait, you got the Oculus? What? You still got the Oculus? I do, yeah. I've been fucking around with VR shit. Oh, yeah? So let's... Okay. I'll build you... I'll get a day for you. Okay. My kids and their world with the elf on the shelf right now is so hilariously modern.

So last year when they moved houses, they lost their original elf, like in the move. So she, so somebody ran out to buy a new elf for them on like the day, like November 31st. We started on December 1st. And so he comes home. She opens it up. It's a black elf. She got, he got one of the black elf on the shelves. So the kids were like, his nickname is Jingle Jangle is the elf's name.

She goes, why is Jingle Jangle brown? And they were like, he went on a trip to the Caribbean. He got tan and then uh eventually they they bought a white one and he came back and they created a new so now there's scott for scott calvin from the santa claus oh so there's jingle jangle and scott so they have a white elf and a black elf okay not by like we need to teach uh diversity just by a fuck up like a bonehead bought the wrong color so then i this year i lost my elf on the shelf uh so i went and bought new one a new one as well and as i'm buying it question also was the first the black elf on

the shelf was that bought for like diversity reasons no that was like he just grabbed one and it was like and he didn't think he didn't he didn't look at the color so i didn't realize this either as i'm buying one the it says i'm a boy then i look over at the the display and there's one that says i'm a girl so i was like oh you know that'll be cool i'll get a girl one so uh like shea will like that as a girl elf first of all you have to buy a skirt separately it says skirt not included what the picture is an elf with a skirt it's a skirt not included so i have to buy a skirt separately. It says skirt not included. What? The picture is an elf with a skirt. It says skirt not included. So I have to buy another like $19.99 for this little fucking little doily that's a skirt.

Wait, what happens if you don't buy the skirt? I mean, you don't have to, but I was just like, I don't know. I want the skirt. Okay. So I put them up there and I write a note from the new elf named Noelle that there's now a girl elf. First of all, she can't say Noelle. She's trying to read it, and she calls her Narwhal. So now we have Narwhal.

Also, the girl elf, the only discernible thing I can see is a little spot of lipstick. They both have rosy cheeks. They both have, uh, like big eyelashes. So I'm, I'm playing it up. I go, Oh my God,

is that a girl elf? And Shay goes, no, I don't think so. And I was like, yeah, no, look,

it is. It's, it's wearing a dress. And she was like, well, boys can wear dresses too. And I was like, Jesus Christ,

he's modern fucking kids. And I was like, I was like i'm like no look it's a girl and and she goes i go look it's wearing um makeup look at the rosy cheeks and she goes no jingle jangle has rosy cheeks too and i so i'm looking at him on the tree and i'm like and then i finally spot it or she actually finally spotted she goes oh no you're right uh it's wearing lipstick so it is a girl so now we've got a white man a black woman a white man a black man a woman and a and a like a transgender elf so i've got the most inclusionary fucking elf family on the goddamn planet earth for kids who quite frankly are probably too old to still think this is real so uh every fucking

night i'm writing i'm writing a like a letter and shay's reading it and she's like why why this and why that i'm like because it's not real this is just a ploy for us to get you to stop misbehaving, you dumbasses. Did you have Elf on the Shelf when you were young? No, no, no. This is a way modern thing. This is very new. Way modern, yeah. I mean, this probably came out in like early 2000s.

And do they give them presents? No, the whole idea is... 2005 Elf on the Shelf. It's that they're watching over you and they'll tell Santa if you're being bad. Okay. And they tell you if you touch it, the magic will end. But there's a glove that you can buy that allows the children to touch

it. So the other day the elves fell off the fucking thing in their house and they put the glove on to touch them. It's very cute. It's very cute. But I was also like the black guy, the trans girl, it's a whole fucking fiasco of elves. They fucking got it down though. Buy the skirt, buy the glove.

Oh, and not to mention, I thought it was going to be like $2.99. It's a whole fucking fiasco of elves. Yo, they fucking got it down, though. Making you buy the skirt, buy the glove. Oh, and not to mention, like, I thought it was going to be, like, $2.99. It's this garbage fucking thing. They put it in this big box, and it comes with a book, and it has this packaging, and it's, like, the story of the elves. It's like, I don't need this shit, man. I need, like, a $1.99 elf. Where the fuck is that? Spent $100. 11 years, $300 million for fucking Trey Turner, huh?

That's actually not that much. The years is a lot, but the money is nothing. I just don't get 11 years for Trey Turner. How old is he? I believe he's 28. So, I mean, it's the rest of his career at almost 30 a year? That's actually... I don't...

Yo, that kind of deal is what the Phillies do, man. They did it with Bryce, and everyone thought that it was a bad deal and turned out to be pretty fucking good man damn it whatever i think it just lights the fire under the mets um so anyway yeah fuck the elves um all right voicemails and then we'll do our interview this show is sponsored by better help unfortunately life doesn't come with a user manual. So when it's not working for you, it's obvious you're going to feel stuck and you don't know how to get out of it. You don't know how to get moving. And navigating all those changes and challenges can make you feel unsure whether you're talking about a relationship or a career change or problems with friends, becoming a parent, if you're just a crazy person like Feidelberg or Jackie, BetterHelp has therapists who are trained to figure out the cause

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That's BetterHelp.com slash KFC. First up. What's up, KFC radio crew? My question comes from a recent podcast. You guys are talking about the books of the Bible and stuff like that. I think Kevin actually asked the question, but nobody answered it. But who would you want to write the four books of your life? Like, Kevin, would you want your kids to to write like the four books of your life? Like

Kevin, would you want your kids like to write a book on their perspective of your life? And then John has a chapter and obviously you have your own chapter, but like Dan Soder, I think would write a really funny chapter about like his perspective. I don't know. Who would you want to write like the multiple books of your Bible? That's a great question. Um, I mean, it's gotta be people who like are in your life so you can like Dan Soder would can't write a chapter about my life

yeah I mean it would have to be like John it would be like you guys family friends lovers

right those like the four things you have in your life right lovers your family your friends, your lovers. I took a lover. Yeah.

Because like... Imagine if there was a Mary Magdalene book that they just fucking did. That's what I mean. You really don't know a person unless you fuck them, to be honest. You can be best friends with somebody. You can be family and you know them

in certain ways that other people don't know them. But the people who you're fucking and for a consistent period of time are the people who know you. I think that Nick would write a great bio for you and I guess with that logic, you should fuck him.

No, that's what I mean. Nick would write a great bio for me. You really have to write the best. But a girl that I fucked would also write a totally different book than Nick. So if you're really trying to tell the whole story, the fucking Bible is just the same dude's story four different times from other guys.

Who cares? I've already heard this story from this guy. You want somebody who fucked? Well, no, I don't think you do There are certain people that I fucked that I would want And there are certain people I fucked that I wouldn't want to write the story I think they all should have a little input So that you know that it's an unbiased take

Do you think that John would write a good bio for you? I do John's a great writer If he's motivated to do it I think he would crush it I just don't think he'd be like why would I do this He would have to get a fat advance. Yeah, yeah.

I started reading, just by the way. I already know that I haven't read a book since, a full book since fifth grade. I started it. What book are you reading? Well, it's like a romance, like third grade level reading. Right, that doesn't count. No, but it does count as reading.

It was a full book. It was 300 pages. 300 pages. 312 pages. You probably read it in like half an hour, because it's like a picture reading. It was a full book. 300 pages. 300 pages. 312 pages. You probably read it in like half an hour because it's like a picture book. It took me a week.

But I finished. Tell the people the book. I forget what it's called. Oh, no, you didn't. You absolutely know what it's called. No, it's like Love on a Yacht.

Love on a Yacht. Pull that up for me, perhaps I want to see what that looks like. Wait, just type in Ollie and Nina yacht book. Ollie?

Like Oliver? O-L-L. That's his full name. O-L-L. Nope, I-E, but it's fine. Ollie and Nina on a yacht.

Nina. Nina. N-I-N-A yacht book. You'll get it. When we find out this is smoke. No, write book.

Book. That looks like a full-blown picture book that looks like a children's book last resort that's it that's it last resort don't look at the cover that's embarrassing cover but you saw this you're like i need to read it commitment foam zoom out a little bit commitment foam nina Zoom in a little bit. Commitment foam Nina Lejeune. Scroll over. Lives by two rules. One, always have fun.

Two, don't rely on anyone but yourself. Don't read it. Don't read the point. Oh yeah, that's the one. Can you give me a review? I would love to see a review on this and see what people say. It's probably like

this is for fucking retards who can't read. Friends to best friends, to convenience, marriage to enemies, to forced proximity to dumbasses, the book lovers I needed.

Oh God, this is kind of the worst. Go to one of the one star reviews. I'm not saying it was the best book ever, but like, I just picked it up. But you read it.

You accomplished it. I picked it up. I looked at the cover and I was like, I'm going to finish it. No, just scroll up and click one star yeah none go uh go go to yeah let's read a bad one read that one i know i'm in the minority here but that's good but this one didn't work for me i found nina incredibly selfish yo if you're actually reviewing these was she selfish and immature

and annoying she was yeah she was it was her did her issues with her parents explain some of her maturity issues is that is that what it was yeah yeah god you can tell a lot about a girl um based off of like the books that are on her shelf next to her nightstand like people they look for the decorations or like all that shit that jack max says the book you look at the books Because I have looked over and looked at books and seen the perfect relationship. Yeah, some scary shit. Like how you know you find love. Yeah.

All of a sudden, that's when you got to go. And then for the one, the number one is, what's the orange book? What's it called? Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. If you see that on the nightstand, you got to run. That's a good book. I stand you gotta run that's a good book i stand by it i remember um when when 50 shades first came out i remember um blogging that like early on being like guys this is this is a book that every girl is going to be reading and i remember people being like well like what what the fuck the fuck is this? And then that summer when it blew up,

everybody was reading it at the beach. And I was like, I told you so. And then it was also with the girl with the dragon tattoo. And I remember being like, read this book or read the first 20 pages. And you can walk up to any girl and be like, yo, whatever, whatever happened. Don't you think that this character was good or whatever?

And they will fucking love you and you'll bang them and it'll be great. And the certain books that get into the pipeline and then every girl reads it, if you know about those, you are in. Your blog was titled 50 Shades of Grey Might Give You Herpes. Probably because you're going to get laid so much? I would guess, yeah. Oh, that's good. All right. probably because you're going to get late so much I would guess alright

oh no it's people checking it out at the library getting herpes wait the actual book? I think so that's funny library copies of Fifty Shades of Grey have reported positive for herpes I'm going to tweet this blog out tomorrow

that was not the first blog that I wrote about that was just the first one that popped up. But that is fucking hilarious. You can get herpes from a book, bro? Yo, maybe you should stop reading. Yo, whoever had that book last was a party. I'd be looking up the list of who had it last. I'd be like, let me go to that girl's house.

Let's go, girl. We'll wear a condom. We will have a good time. All right, next up. First time, long time. I think that's what, girl. We'll wear a condom. We'll have a good time. Next up. First time, long time. I think that's what they say. They have all the names. KFC, Fights.

I have bad dreams. I have nightmares. Bad dreams, nightmares, all the time. I was going to say. Kanye would not like this guy. No PTSD. Pretty normal guy. I just dream of terrible things every single night.

Wakes me up. Can't go back to sleep. My wife wants me to go to a doctor. I don't really want to go to a doctor and tell them, hey, I have bad dreams. So, what do you think? Dude, I am going through this thing now. It's not really bad dreams, but it's like I wake up

every day at like 5am, 3am, whatever, and I am just in a full-blown panic every night. I wake up, and I can't tell if it's my brain at its most lucid and thinking clearly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like these are all the problems I need to address. Or if it's like this is my brain when it's frazzled. You talk about this a lot.

Yeah. So I'm like maybe I can just ignore this because i just woke up in a panic but in the morning i'm fine or is it like no that's your your unconscious like that's your most clear brain telling you and i'm hoping it's not because oh my god and then i'm like i have to listen to a book to try to fall back asleep because if not i focus on and it is i live a pretty i guess my life is pretty pretty crazy i was gonna say that it's like but i do think even if you don't i was about to say you live like a normal life and you still don't learn that like people don't tell you that you you later in life you're gonna have like

anxiety and panic attacks even if you're not like a crazy person because you just as you live more there's just more shit that happens yeah it's just there's more time for bad shit to happen you know it's like when i was fucking 18 it's like you know nothing bad had happened now it's like your dad's gonna die and you're fucking you got a divorce and this happened your kids you know it's like well there just wasn't enough time for bad shit to happen when i was like fucking 21 years old yeah now you're 40 it's like twice as much time for twice as much bad shit. I had a John moment in therapy today where I was listening off shit, and she's like, I have like six

very strong stressors here. You seem to be doing well. Right, well that's the thing. I feel like we're actually handling it pretty good. Yeah, that's why I had that weird sense of pride that John will talk about. It's like, yeah, alright! If a therapist is horrified at you and you still got your shit together, that means you're fucking badass. know i was just saying i just started hypnotherapy

yesterday put a pin in that because i gotta do the rundown and we're gonna talk about that like yeah there's really nothing so you went so i went and it was i don't even think i went under hypnosis but i do part of me is is like part of me thinks I like that would not happen to me. But then part of me is also like I hate people who say those things. Yeah. Like, oh, I would never. And it's like, yes, you would. You're like you're you're not special.

You're like everyone else in the population. And if people can get hypnotized, like so can you. Yeah. But I just find it so weird. I think you have to like want to be hypnotized. You have to want to be hypnotized. You have to like believe it. And I was like, I believe it. Yeah. But do you think that I could be like I could make you cl to like want to be hypnotized you have to like believe it and i was like i believe it yeah but like do you think that i could be like i could like make you cluck

like a chicken and like all that kind of shit you see people like taking their clothes off i mean i think that like like there was one time in like senior year where when we graduated in high school like they had like hypnotherapists come or hypnotists come and they literally like everyone swore they're like i did not like right you know and like they were doing crazy stuff that's what i mean it's like when you see like a magician or whatever and it's like yeah like it's like i i you know you're not gonna get me i was like yeah you know you're gonna get god like it got out of hand like one one guy accidentally threw a girl like across the room and he was and like they had to stop it because

they were like whoa that was like too far and he just didn't realize he was doing he just didn't really realize he was doing and then like he snapped out of it and told him and he was like what i don't know that's what i was hoping for in this thing but it was like barely i think i just had closed my eyes that was a kind of like my dad uh took hypnotist lessons oh really and my mom um had this spot on her face that always itched her like like her whole life. Oh, that's right. It was like a weird itchy thing. And so he put her under and said, I'm taking the itchy spot off of your face.

Yeah. But for whatever reason, he said, I'm putting it on your hand. I'm taking it off your face and putting it on your hand. Yeah. And she swears she woke up and then her hand itches. Really? And she was like like why the fuck would you put it back on another spot on my body you asshole and he was like i thought i was just

doing this thing like i'm taking it off and i'm putting it here but like she's like it this doesn't itch but this does itch well when you think about it too it's like even like right now okay if you think on like a spot on your leg and like you're like really think about it like it will start to tingle yeah yeah yeah you can make these things happen yeah exactly and so it's like obviously the brain and also even like they even say like when you're like anxious it's because like if you are thinking about like let's just say for example like you're thinking about like you know like um something that's like making you nervous it's like your body actually thinks that you're in that like right that's why it's like reacting like that so it's like the brain can kind of like on your own,

like trick yourself into that. Like there's gotta be, you know? Yeah. I, I don't doubt that I could go into like a trance state. We should all get, we should get a hypnotist.

I get, I get worried though. I'm like, I don't like, like with Nick said, like I don't want people in there, but like, what are they going to do?

I don't know. Like, like realistically, like why would you care if they're in do? I don't know. Realistically, why would you care if they're in there? I don't know. Yeah. I just don't like not being in control. Yeah, I get that.

The last time we had a hypnotist in here, it was John, Big Cat, and Marty trying to be hypnotized to not take the unders anymore. Right, right, right. Not take overs anymore. They said none of them. They were all like, this is bullshit. Nothing worked. I think if you go in skeptical, you're just like shut the fuck up yeah but if you're like okay let me let me breathe and let me listen and let me you know meditate then it's possible i

just don't know if it's possible to be like like the people who are like i started speaking like chinese it's like what yeah no i think this is a scam. I think you fucking spoke Chinese. But I don't know. I don't know. I'll get hypnotized. You want to do it? We'll do it for the vlog. We'll all do it.

100%. Hell yeah. Like for somebody who works so much. Yeah, when do you do this? You do so much stuff. Really? Yeah. You're either here or like, you know, at engineer school.

Or hypnotized class or wherever. You know, at engineer school or hypnotized class or wherever. One of the most important things in life they don't tell you is getting sleep. You really don't realize how much it harms you when you don't get enough hours or enough quality sleep. And the only way you're going to do that is with a quality mattress. And I know that some of you think it can be expensive, but two things. Number one, with Helix Sleep, it's not. And number two, it's also worth spending a little bit of money investing in yourself and making sure that the bed that you sleep in and lounge in and watch TV in is comfortable because you're going to be in it like 80% of the time. So Helix Sleep gives you the sleep quiz that tells you exactly what kind of

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and two free pillows. With Helix, better sleep starts now. Sad boy, Beanie. Really stoked that you guys came out with this one that doesn't say sad boy season. I've been wanting sad boy merch, but my biggest fear or just not wanting it to happen is I don't want someone to ask me, oh, what's sad boy merch but my biggest fear or just not wanting it to happen is i don't want someone to

ask me oh what's sad boy season i'm like i don't have to fucking tell you that i'm fucking depressed and sad and shit and have to deal with that um so i love this little guy uh but it got me wondering is there anything that you haven't purchased or gone and done or just anything that you really like but you're just like i just don't want to have and done or just anything that you really like, but you're just like, I just don't want to have to explain this to anyone. So you didn't get it or you didn't go do it or anything like that. Let me know. Um, I,

I don't have something like, like, like he's talking about where those, I hate, um, like divorce talk and like it's like it's like who people are like some divorce people yeah there's a lot of times i won't tell people where i work and there's a lot of times i won't tell people that i'm like specifically divorced i'll either be like i'm not married or whatever because people just want to talk about like that there's plenty of times where i'll be like if people ask me where i work i still say an accountant yeah because i just don't want to go through the whole thing and then the divorce thing is like people it happens more with women it's like you should

meet her she's a divorced woman too and it's like what the like why okay she's nothing like me we would never be friends and now we're gonna bond over the fact that like we both had a breakup basically like fuck off with that but um but the the work thing is the main one where i will i'll just be like yeah like guys like aren't people our age we talk about like oh forget it it's like awkward to like yeah like do you know the important one yeah it's always like do you know them how much they make what do they really like every fucking time? Like something you try to avoid. Like he didn't want to avoid talking about being depressed. It's just like something you wouldn't buy because then you have to explain the story behind it.

Oh, I didn't hear the buy part. Oh, okay. Something I wouldn't buy. Or something you haven't bought because it's like then I have to explain the reasoning behind it to people. I don't know if this quite fits, but like, I mean, if you have have Balenciaga right now, do you wear it? Oh, yeah. I have a bunch of Yeezys that I haven't worn. Kanye's taking it specifically too far.

This was a couple weeks ago. I was like, I don't really think it's like... Hugo Boss was down with Hitler. A lot of companies, if you dig deep enough are like bad companies so it's like you're probably nike where's you know nike's fucking got sweatshop kids all over the world yeah the last time you were out we went through every single company it was all right yeah yeah it's a lot so like i don't necessarily think you have to like burn all the clothes of those companies but the minute it becomes a potential conversation,

the minute that someone might go, oh, you're still wearing Yeezys, huh? It's like, never mind. I just don't want to do it. Fuck it. Not even going to bother. And same thing. I also, I just hate people wearing Balenciaga in general.

I think they're like, Balenciaga is like the fake, the trash bag thing and the dumb shoes. But it's almost like, you're trying too hard. You're trying too hard. You're trying too hard. When they are so popular, they can't possibly be the cool fashion house. Yeah.

You know? The cool fashion house has to be like this small, underground, kind of unknown one. I don't blame you. Like, if you become... If you start out that way and then you become Balenciaga, like, by all means, make your money. But then, like, don't pretend that Balenciaga is still, like, the thing, thing the fashion you know the the fashion aficionados know where to go to valenciaga it's like no everybody can't be like even like though they're especially like because they're in the news for like bad reasons but like you can't be in the news that much either like it has to be

yeah it's gonna be like on the low only for like elite yes you know it's like like when when regular ass people are like let me save a couple paychecks and I'll buy the sneakers. Yeah. Yeah, the shit's lame. But that's hard because it's also like, there's a line between popular and then too popular. But... And, like, memes. They start becoming, like, with the...

Yeah. What's it called? The, like, runway person who was, like, walking. Like that. Yeah, once... And then it's, like, just common knowledge. Yeah. So you're not cool anymore.

Something I wouldn't buy that I do I mean there's a lot of tattoos it's like the same thing tattoos is a good example yeah I mean there was a time when I was growing up where I dressed like a rapper like every fucking day and then eventually I was like this is not normal it's not really like I have to explain it but it would be a thing

I kind of have done that with sneakers at this point though like there's a lot of sneakers now that I don't wear anymore that I would that I did wear like five years ago that it's like yeah and I probably could if I wanted to just put them on but like it's probably a little too I'm probably a little too old for that now sometimes like I feel like with like designer stuff just because like I don't have like a lot of designer stuff so I feel like such a fraud like yeah i have like one or two pieces it's like who am i yeah those right it's like yeah yeah yeah if if if you can wear like chanel or some shit yeah then you can wear it but if you like you got it for christmas one year it's like you're like i hate it when people have like one

gucci belt and then they like the rest is with their fucking like you know our pastel jeans yes exactly it's like what is this outfit yeah i had a pair of like um cargo pants that just had like random coordinates on it and every every single person so like eventually because i started making up stuff like it's my house see that's actually a good uh like a conversation starter in a way you know yeah i would like that it depends on where you are if you want if you want to be left alone or if you want to like you know? Yeah. I would like that. It depends on where you are. If you want to, if you want to be left alone or if you want to like, you know, start chatting people up.

But one time my, my Instagram bio was like, it was like an inside joke with my friends where like we did like some, it was just like a random Instagram bio and like we found it funny, but then people started asking. I was like,

well, but then I was like, who the fuck am I? Like you can't make your public Instagram bio and be like, why the fuck are you asking about me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. I was going to say, it make your public Instagram bio and be like, why the fuck are you asking about me? Yeah, yeah,

yeah, that's true. I was going to say, it's in your Instagram bio, HiMe5Cents, which, never change it. Yeah,

that was, we all know what HiMe5Cents is. The HiMe5Cents, so we put that on a shirt, we did, right? No, we never put it on.

You got to put HiMe5Cents on a shirt. I think that, I've seen hats that have similar stuff. I think that would look good. HiMe5Cents is the dumbest thing you've ever said that old nose Wow that is so funny Hive me five cents One of the things that I love

I would like to say Like I've grown since then But I just got duped By the fucking Steph Curry And whatever One of the things that I love About Stephen

In the control room here His tattoos Are all these fucking things Yeah They take so long To explain And he gets so annoyed When you ask about them

It's really weird He has the From I Think You Should Leave The song that's the bones are their money And so are worms or something He has a skeleton with bones as money And a wallet It is the most complicated thing

That takes him 30 seconds to explain Yeah no that's on you then man If you get a weird tattoo You can't be complaining about that. Yeah. All right. Interview time. We got Rich Voss, Bonnie McFarlane, two all-time comics, the comedy couple on KC Radio.

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Fucking jump right into it. How was out and about? How was the last show? It was terrible. We lived in the moment. It was good. It was good. It was, you know? That was the last show. It was terrible. We live in the moment. It was good. It was good. It was, you know.

They're very gay. They can be intense. They're super gay. They're really gay. Did you guys notice? He had his shirt off. I mean, it was insane. Was it two minutes?

Yes. That makes sense. That makes sense. Yes. We were like the gay podcast at Barstool, and then those guys came in and out-gayed us. You guys are like lumberjacks now. I had to plan a lot today.

Became tough all of a sudden. Now, you have comics in a lot, though, right? It's actually an honor to have you guys in because we've been on the list for... We've wanted to have you guys in forever now. Oh, thanks, because we just got our phones and emails.

Thank you. What was going on? We also had an incredibly – I see this as like I live in my own head so much. I don't know if you found our interaction as awkward as I did. When I was walking through the hallway and I just pointed at you because I knew you were coming. You were in the green room, and I just pointed at you, and you kind of gave a nod maybe or some acknowledgement. And then I was like, wait, he doesn't know who I am, but I know who he is. She's been fretting about it for the last 20 minutes.

I should have said something. I was like, wait, should I go introduce myself? I was like, wait, but that's weird before the show. Go in there. I don't really know what to do. So then I just kind of stood in the hallway for a little while until it was time enough to turn around and come back. Not as uncomfortable as this is.

Can I tell you something, though? This will happen the next time you see him, too, you know. He'll never know who you are. I'm sorry. I just feel like I should tell you that. Look, a young Kevin Bacon here. Take it. And Ron Howard stung by a hornet's nest.

How would I forget that? Accurate. That is accurate. Just today, people were tweeting, making fun of how swollen my hands are. Oh, they're extra today. Is that Oxycontin? It's crazy. Look at those sausages.

It looks like a glove filled with water. Jesus, is there plasma in that? You need a kidney transplant Probably And no pigment Are you part scallop? That's too much of a laugh I don't want him

Come on No because I love it Let me tell you why Let me tell you why Because making fun of his pigmentation Is like one of our favorite things We have Miss Pat in here And she goes You're not white, you're pink.

We don't know what color he is. She genuinely was surprised. Like, what race are you? I was like, I'm white. In the summer, he gets orange and weird. So his coloring is just a lot. Your beautiful skin, it's glossy. Motherfucker.

Take that back. That's like 10 interviews in a row where the guest says he has beautiful skin. You know why you have very beautiful skin? It's beautiful skin. I don't know what skin is. He's got small pores. This is what it is. He's got small pores and small pores, for whatever reason, it reflects. It looks like he has shiny, glowy skin.

Am I ugly? He has gigantic pores. God damn it. The light just sinks right into you. Black holes on my face. Don't you notice when you take pictures with him He's like bright I don't notice the pictures Every single person that comes in here says you have nice skin

So I must have horrific skin He's smiling and doesn't Realize how disconnected he is With the world He's got no kids He's candy every fucking two seconds and sleeps it. You can do whatever you want.

Are you married? He's Peter Pan. Nope. Single with no kids. Dude, it's amazing. You guys gotta try it. It's fucking unbelievable. I'm actually doing it now.

I started last year and it's really fun. I mean, he is completely it's Peter Pan life. Do you have kids? Yeah I got two kids Divorced with two kids So we're like on opposite ends of the spectrum

Oh my god This is the phenomenon that happens Is that like You know you're living with your wife You have your kids or whatever And you're like okay You get to do whatever you want to do Pretty much

And then she goes fuck this shit And she gets a divorce Now you have to do half So you pick up so It's like every woman on the planet should get married, have two kids, get divorced. It's like a perfect fucking situation. Let's have our second kid. Yeah, let's do it.

He's like joking about it, but then he'd have to do half. And then he'd be like, wait, I thought it was a joke. How long have you guys been together? This is our 17th and final year. Series finale. I've said that joke every year. It'll play every time.

At 25th and final year. Good old relationships are terrible and will always end in doom humor. It always plays. Everybody always laughs did you get along with your ex

since you have yeah I get along great with my with my ex-wife Kelly the one who got away when she was pregnant she was ironing

which you'll never see again I don't know why I was going through some kind of nesting phase so I was ironing a sheet

oh wow what she was getting ready to go to a march I read up on that then I cut the holes from the eyes sheet. Oh, wow. What? She was getting ready to go to a march. I read up on that. Then they cut the holes from the eyes. I didn't think that was

going to be a real thing, because it just sounds so wacky, but that happens for real. Everything is just always being cleaned and moved and touched. I was like, what the fuck is going on? She was ironing, and I'm talking to my ex-wife, Kelly, so I'm talking, and Kelly-wife, Kelly, so I'm talking. And Kelly hung up, and I pretend I'm talking, and I go, okay, I love you.

Goodbye. But she wasn't even on the phone. Well, you could see the iron in her hand. You said there was an iron in her hand? Yeah. No, I had to sit down. I was like, huh. Yeah, that's also one, like, oh, yeah, sure, she hung up.

Yeah, she wasn't on the other end of the line. Yeah, prove that one. Yes, I got it. Do you have hung up. Yeah, she wasn't on the other end of the line. Yeah, prove that one. Yes, I got it. Do you have boys or girls? I have a boy and a girl. Older girl. She's almost seven, and my boy just turned five. Good for you.

Yeah. Our daughter, I have, we have a 15-year-old, I have a 32-year-old, a 30-year-old, and a granddaughter is going to be one in December. Wow, congrats, man. And my other daughter just got married a month ago. Yeah. I heard a tale about a barstool bottle in the back

of one of your daughter's closets. You heard that? Yeah, our booker who was in the green room, I guess, with you. Yes. Was she eavesdropping or were you telling her that story? I told her. I told you he's got short-term memory. He's not going to remember you.

Listen, Susan. So I found an empty bottle. Like hidden away? She was trying to like. It was like anything in the room was hidden. The first thing is that you got to know is that Rich does this thing every couple of years where he loses an item of clothing and then he, it's all he talks about for two weeks. Consumes them, yeah.

Yeah, it consumes him, so he has to find the item of clothing. I would just, I'd say go buy another one, whatever. No, no, if he got the right hoodie or his jacket or whatever,

that's fair. He's making like a four-part documentary series on where his sweater went. Yeah, where my next sweater went. This conspiracy, where it went. Anyway, so he's looking for it

In our daughter's Mess of clothes In her closet And that's where he finds the Empty bottle I found the empty bottle And the two last podcasters So

And she's what you said 15? 15 That's right at that time. She was my friend. I couldn't go to Skank Fest because of it. Yeah. Yeah, I canceled Skank Fest because I was like, you know, maybe she needs me now. Wait, you canceled Skank Fest because you found the bottle?

Yes. And you were like, I've got a parent? Yeah, and also just because I was like looking at it like, what if something did happen while I was away? And then I had to be like, I was at Skank Fest. Literally the polar opposite of being at home and parenting. So she said, oh, that was my friend's.

And she said, take it out of the house before my mom gets home. That's what her friend said to Rainey. I was a drug addict. There's nothing you could say to me that I haven't said or done. You know, oh, are you going to come home pregnant?

Oh, yeah, it's my friends. She told me to take it, you know? But when I was 15, I was a fuck-up. At least my daughter, because I, whatever, my daughter is smart, goes to school, honor roll student, a lot of friends, just a great kid. You know, so if she, you know, who knows if she's drinking or partying, you know, and hopefully she doesn't turn out like me. What's the point of this?

That I have a great daughter. Plus, it's, you know, Pink Whitney is like, you know, not bad. There's worse things that can come home than a little lemonade vodka, you know? Yeah. Yeah, really? The Coke was cut halfway. It wasn't pure Coke. She wasn't smoking it.

I mean, I do think my daughter is like, I don't know what exactly she's doing, but she goes to school. Like, she does get up and get herself to school every day. Get herself to school at 15? Yeah. I didn't get myself to school every day and get herself to school at 15 I didn't get myself to school in college she's been doing it for two years she just like we just we don't get up just let her go she sets her own alarm

no fucking way you guys literally don't get up and she just puts herself together and goes and gets on a bus at 640 every morning where is this at our house why don't we give the address to your fucking psychopath listener? This is a very nice community in New Jersey. Right.

I mean, that's like, that's the dream. It's what I, it's what I, it's what I like constantly I'm saying, like, you're amazing that you get up. I mean, it's positive reinforcement. Now she's just like, it's not a big deal. It's like. So wait, what just like, mom, it's not a big deal. Everything else I don't care about. How did that weekend go? Were you like, we need to talk about drinking?

We had an after school special or was it just? I mean, I didn't really do anything. I just said, I can't follow you around. I can't. You have to start making your own decisions now. You got to think about what kind of person you want to be. I don't know. Probably didn't do anything.

Also, too, if we both went to Skank Fest, my daughter was staying at the girl's house that said, take the bottle. Which made me think maybe teens need a lawyer. You know what I mean? Yeah. Why did you say it was her bottle? You're going to spend time at her house? Right.

You know what I mean? Now you can never go there. Hang on. Let me consult. Speak to my representation. Maybe you want to. Now you can never go there. Hang on. Let me consult. Speak to my representation. Maybe you want to pick someone you're not close friends with. What did my daughter remember when my older daughter screwed up? Oh, she was on her Facebook and put a picture of her and a bunch of kids in a car and they

were drinking and her mom found it. But her mom didn't want to tell her that we we know your password or whatever right so that's when you found yeah i vote you know if you find evidence illegally it's got to be like stricken from the record yeah through the point of history right yeah yeah i it is when you're when you're that age disposing of contraband is like the most stressful thing like it really is put in the regular garbage throw it away. People are going through garbage, but you stress about it. I used to have sex in my parents' garage above it

and I would take the condom off, I'd put it in a Gatorade bottle, I'd close that, and then I'd bring the Gatorade bottle to school the next day and throw it in the trash there. I could just throw the condom away. You didn't recycle? If you took that used condom, that's a snack in another podcast.

Oh, my God. No, Joey would ask for it. Joey would ask for it. He said it. They were great. It's a great podcast. They're so funny. Oh, God.

I reminisce about the other. This one's okay, too. The other podcast. Oh, they, I reminisce about the member of the other. This one's okay, too. The other one, I guess. Oh, they were so fun. You know, just regular complexions, not one dull and one bright. I only look at him. I know, I want to bring him home so we have a nightlight. The whole time I'm thinking about like board towns.

You're just, hey, I can't see around. Where's, what's his face? Where's fucking Mount Rushmore head and his bright light face? Mount Rushmore head in his bright light face? Mount Rushmore head. Fucking. Somebody said last night, let me see if I can find a picture last night. We were at Caroline's last night and somebody

said. Wow, how did you do that? Was somebody working? You went to see somebody? Did you guys do a podcast there? We did a show last night, yeah. I'm with you, bro. I don't know how it happens either. I'm just asking if they were going to see a comic or they were doing a live podcast. Right here, I can hear every word you're saying. Why would you then retell it to me?

Boy, those did look not great. First of all, these are the hands that totally look swollen. Yes. You have hands like an offensive line. That's a heroin addict. That's a heroin addict. I have hands like a pregnant woman. But yeah, a heroin addict too. Why does a heroin addict. That's a heroin addict. I have hands like a pregnant woman.

But yeah, a heroin addict too. Why does a heroin addict swell up? It swells because they're shooting sometimes in their hands. Oh, really? I don't know. I am intravenous free still. Somebody else said you're turning into Mrs. Doubtfire. It's pretty accurate. I love Mrs. Doubtfire.

I'm not far off. That's so funny. Cut my hair today. Fuck it. They know just what to say. I'm like, who listens to these trolls? And then they say the exact thing. I don't know.

You have big pores. And you're like, fuck. Yes, I do. That's the thing I'm sensitive about. They always get you. I don't know how you guys do it. Because I would imagine you maybe are the only couple in the world that can do the podcast that you do with it being successful and not eventually. Successful? Wow.

They set the bar low. They set the bar stool low. Any other couple tries to do that and they either stop. Either the podcast ends or the marriage ends within a matter of months no i don't think the podcast helps the marriage i really don't i think it actually might make it worse i think it helps that's what you're just picking at a scab all the time you know you gotta kind of like well you don't have any separation either right like it's you know what do you like when we we talk a lot on the podcast and then we go to our respective

ways and we'll text here or there or whatever, but then we come back to the podcast. So it's the same thing with you guys. You go up there, I go down here and that's it. Do you guys do this every day or once a week? We do it three times a week. We do it once a week. And, you know, we have our lives too,

you know, whatever. You know, we do it downstairs. We don't go into a studio. We do it downstairs. We've never had a guest. it downstairs we don't go into a studio we do it downstairs we never had a guest well that's what we don't have any boundaries and we never have and that's i mean i've never i don't even understand couples that like like you know my neighbors or something i was talking to them and they'll be like oh i've never told my husband this or i've never gotten angry you know if he does something how do you, like we will battle it out until we're both drained completely. I've been in both the relationships where you fucking battle it out.

And I've been the one where you just silently shut the fuck up and stew. I prefer the stewing. I think I do too. I don't get to do it. How long? I wish I could. Just cook up a fucking pile of hatred. Do you want to fight every day a little bit,

or do you want to push it down into your toes until it blows up every six months? I'm trying to tell him all the time, you've got to learn to push it down. I think it's important. You let it out every day? He reacts to everything. He drives into New York every fucking night, and then he still is like, oh, to everything. He drives into New York every fucking night,

and then he still is like, oh, to traffic. You're like, you knew this was going to happen. Yeah, no, I do that too. I get it. But I also, I mean, the Irish Catholic in me, I just push everything down.

I think that's fine. And my heart is just turning into a black piece of coal. One day I'll explode and die. I've never blown up. One day I'll shoot up this office Probably You can shove it down and forget about it I think is fine

If you shove it down and stew on it That's where you're going to blow up But if you don't keep picking at the scab There's people that you've been mad at in your past You don't care about it You're now listening to Dr. Bonnie Dr. Bonnie I do feel like I have a little bit of knowledge How many rings do you have on? You don't care about it. You're now listening to Dr. Bonnie. Dr. Bonnie.

I do feel like I have a little bit of knowledge. How many rings do you have on? Are those fucking brass knuckles? Are we fighting? I used to not shut up, but now I do. Why not just go the whole way and get those Pointer Man figures? Why leave Pointer Man out? You don't think after the fourth you're like, that's enough.

That would cross the line. If he put rings on, he wouldn't be able to lift his arms. So he's right at the edge now. No, I'm empty. Now, can you go most of the day without your neck brace holding your head up? How long do you go before it just falls over and you tumble? That's funny.

Like, if I used to sit, I'd get tired. I can sit upright for, like, 40 minutes. I have to lay down after that. No, it's not that big. It's just out of proportion. You said you weren't going to cut the hair. Are you going to cut it now? No, I'm not going to cut it.

I'll cut it in the summer. We went through a fit. In the summer? Yeah. You know what year it is. I mean, what month it is, right? I basically, I cut my hair at the start of the summer

and then I don't cut it again. But you remember what you said, right? Like, we did this one time where you grew your hair out and then we went back and looked at pictures and you looked like those guys in British Parliament

who have a wig. Oh, I looked like George Washington. Yeah, and you were like, why didn't anyone tell me? So I'm like looking at you now and I'm like, we're almost at the tell-you phase. We're telling you, okay. This is me telling you. I think looking at you now, and I'm like, we're almost at the tell-you phase. We're telling you.

This is me telling you. I think that's cute right now. How much more time are you going to give until your beard really comes out? I can't do it, man. I can grow it in, but I hate the itch. And everyone tells me you get over it, and I don't get over it. But if I fully, cleanly shave, I have a fat face. So I've got to keep something there to cover up my pores.

Yeah, I mean, how high can you grow the beard? Yeah, let me describe this. Cover the hair down. I don't know if it gets it right below the eyes. It's crazy. Fucking White Sox Dave with that one. Yeah, but I was listening to the latest episode on the ride in.

So you guys can kind of put the mics on, go to war a little bit, crack some jokes, really take some digs at each other. And then it's all good. It's exactly the same as if the mics weren't there, I'm telling you. I get that vibe, yeah. Like we've been out to dinner before where people have been like, it's exactly like listening to the podcast. And we're like, oh, shit.

Shut the fuck up. But we can't stop. It's just like that's how we communicate yeah no I mean that's why I say I think you know you're one of the very few

that could do it because I don't think any other couple can like really make fun of I think it's me hey listen I just think that I'm the you know

I'm the glue for this thing you know what I mean she's the funny one right yeah yeah on the podcast she kills it

she's so fucking smart you know she's well-read. Not really. Just compared to him. I don't know what she's like. I'm trying to compliment you, and that's the problem with, you know, skirts. They can't take a compliment.

If it's, you know, you say one thing to this dame, and she's, oh, boy. You know, listen to me. Thank you, honey. No problem. Look at this. She's, you know, I couldn't think of, maybe if I had to do a podcast with anybody else, it would just be either her or my ex-wife. That's it.

God, do I miss her. Would that be fun to do a podcast with Kelly? No, I couldn't, you know, I love going on. You know, we. What is it you're trying to say? I don't know. I don't know. I'm just trying to, you know, I love going on. You know, we. What is it you're trying to say? I don't know. I don't know. I'm just trying to, you know, get through this.

It's just word salad until something pops into his head. He'll go back to you. I'm just trying to get my sweatshirt and get the fuck out. I got what I came for. So now you, you've been, we were supposed to come in like a week or two ago and bobby and ari were in here yeah yeah that was all kind of just like those two wanted to come in i said why don't you guys come together and then you were scheduled i was like why don't we just try to get a whole powwow going now which would have been yeah great yeah oh not all four together because yeah they

bobby and ari can't keep up with us. I mean, good kids. Good kids. Like those kids. This podcast, which I don't know if you've been talking the slowest anyone's ever spoken. I am now? They won't keep up with us. How do you not want to just punch somebody in the jaw? That's what I'm saying.

I don't know how you guys do it. You put on a lot of rings, first of all. So, you do this podcast three days a week. And then you have just all that other time free?

We do a couple... Live shows? Yeah, we do the the live shows we used to have a lot more going we kind of consolidated it all into this show it's like we had other podcasts that were we have to do content for your other yeah i mean i do like a instagram series where i make like short form videos every day during the baseball season i'm thank you during the baseball season i have a mets podcast i used i used to do a separate podcast that was just me solo but it was kind of like, what's the point?

Let's all just focus on just this. Why did I ask? Yeah, it's like, I can't believe, that is, that is, what are you going to do? I've never heard him,

I've never heard him ask anyone else a question, ever. So this is like, this is a mouthful. I was tempted to say, do you actually give a fuck about this?

No, I do kind of, because when you, like we've done live shows, two of them. If we do our podcast live, which we we haven't done we bring on a celebrity marriage counselor to sit and we've had bennington bill burr uh andy kelly i mean we eddie pebbleton great it's great it's great but we also do a show would you bang them uh where we have five comics. They go on. They do like seven minutes apiece, and we have three female judges and a gay judge.

Oh, I wish we could get those guys. Oh, yeah. It would be amazing. After the set, the panel discusses whether they would sleep with them or not. They're funny enough. Brilliant. Brilliant. It's a great show.

It's only based on their humor, not their looks? I mean, we do. Some judges just, you know, they'll use a laser pointer and stuff. They're going for a certain look. But the others are, you know, it's about comedy. When Michael Shea walked out, someone goes, I'll fuck him. Before he said anything. And they said that about this comic last week.

Good looking guy. Anyhow, so what I'm saying is, as comics, after our podcast, we got so many other different venues. But when you're not comics, I'm going, well, dude, it's great that they just can do a podcast and fucking live. That's great. No, yeah, I mean, we've started in 2012, so we've been at it for a while. So in the beginning, it was more of just like a...

Well, who's more like Heath and who's more like the girl? Random reference. But it's great that you could do it. It's fucking... I wish we could just do our podcast and not... I mean, you probably could, to be honest. We don't need... We stopped our Patreon years ago

because we got tired of doing the second one. Well, then, yeah, that's part of the problem. Yeah, we are. Well, so I actually always notice when I'm – it's mostly other comics when I listen to their podcast. They're like 11 minutes in. They're like, how much more time do we have to do this thing?

Whereas, like, we don't shut the fuck up. Like, we'll go like two and a half hours. I didn't want to say that. We talk too much. We make active efforts to do one hour episodes, and it's always like three hours. Like, all right, we probably just can't do it anymore. But it's also, you know, a couple times a week,

there's shit that builds up, like this story and that story throughout the week, and you want to talk about it, and it is our main bread and butter. Yeah. But there are also times where, like, if something's... You guys also have producers and whatever he is. We're just trying to keep our cat out. He ended up stuck in the lobby of the hotel in his underwear the other night.

What? He slept walked in his underwear and obviously didn't have his key on him. And then he gets in the elevator. He's finally like, I just got to go down to the lobby. It's like 3 a.m. He's like, I got to go to the lobby and just get a new key. And the elevator starts going up to the rooftop bar where everybody proceeds to get in with him.

Pack of girls, shit-faced, all touching him and rubbing him and giggling at him. And then he gets down to the elevator, to the lobby, and everyone is like, look at this dude in his underwear. So everybody's filming him. Girls literally sexually assaulting him, rubbing him, touching him. That's what you have to do? There's the key.

Sounds like Oxycontin. This is like a cover to ring here. The old sleepwalk scam. I think there was a comic that did a whole one-man show on it. I know. His next show is the young guy in the pool. I like that. The young guy in the pool.

Look at that. That's some positive reinforcement between each other. I'm so positive with her. We touched each other last week. Yeah. Wow. How'd that go? It was all right.

One time she was crying in bed. What was it? Oh, yeah. It was all right. One time she was crying in bed. What was it? Oh, yeah. It was before, during, or after sex. No, this was a long time ago. And I went to console her, and I took my stylus out of my phone, and I rubbed it on her. You'll be all right.

She came in my room the other day. That's how long ago it was when we had a stylus. I was going to say, a stylist with a phone. He has a story from 15 years ago trying to make me feel better. So you know where we're at. She was so sweet. She came in my room last week, and she sticks her head in the door. She goes, I love you so much.

You're such a good parent. This is so embarrassing, too. I love this story. That you're feeding. she goes not this part i mean this part is embarrassing she goes you know you came you've done so much with your life and all that you're a good dad you're everything you're a good provider i love you so much and i go can you watch me masturbate. I was laying in bed. And I did. What a woman. Are you an active participant

or just an observer? I kind of do it like a dude sort of thing. She put on a hat and walked away. Is there like vocal reinforcement or is it just literally

eyes on? That really helps them. You're like a kid in the back of the car on a road trip. I got shit to do. Are you done yet? Are you done yet? I don't know if I could. How long did that go for?

No, I can't get hard. I should forget it. We have separate bedrooms. I told her forget it. I went and played Wordle. I got Wordle on the second line last night. Oh, wow. Well, it comes like two years ago, man.

Where's the sweatshirt? He just learned how to share. Why? Wordle hasn't been around that long. Two years? It's like a year and a half. I got out I got out when the New York Times bought it

it got a little too mainstream for me oh my god yeah I love it I love it you're just so pure amazing honestly I liked it before

what happened was like I got like I lost my perfect score and then I got like three wrong in a week and I was like fuck this it seems stupid like any game

when I'm not good at it, I quit. Right. You're still on the mic. That was me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Look at him. He's laughing but crying.

Oh, yeah. That'll stick with him for a little while. That'll stick with me for a long time. You guys are – oh, I'm sorry. That's the start of my villain origin story. I'm like, all right, fuck that. Let me start burning down nice neighborhoods in New Jersey until I'm sorry. That's the start of my villain origin story. I'm like, all right, fuck that. Let me start burning down nice neighborhoods in New Jersey until I find yours.

Maybe start in the not-so-nice ones so that you're going to have a little more luck. It's a one-car garage. Anyway. Oh, I feel nice sleeping. Do you guys actually have separate bedrooms? Yeah, it's great. Yeah?

Did you always? After sex I'm like Hey look, you gotta run I always give her One of my CDs As a parting gift No I've got three CDs

We've been together 17 years It's because I would come home Late at night and snore And she would wake me up You're snoring And I was like No, I'm not And I would just walk down

To the couch And now we have three, four, five bedrooms. It's easier to... Three, four, five. I don't know why he wouldn't give you the exact number. That's like the Mitch Hedberg. Has as many rooms as you want.

Every house has as many bedrooms as you want. This bedroom has a fireplace in it. This bedroom has a fridge in it. He's not doing well. I used to argue. Yes, that's how I know about it. I used to argue the key to a successful relationship is have separate dinners, have separate bedrooms, keep these things that you make.

We have to eat together. We have to sleep together. We have to go to bed at the same time and all that. I was like like we have to eat together we have to sleep together we have to go to bed at the same time and all that I was like you have to do everything separate separate separate separate

and then I got divorced so I think I just Kevin would make that argument and I'd be like it seems like a guy who wants to be single but then I'd see like it can work

and I think when it does work it's awesome we have separate bank accounts it's like people get weird about that they're like what it's like why would I want to clear

every purchase with this guy? I totally agree. I used to have separate and then one joint. Yeah, we have our business account. I mean, I bought a car on a win the other day just for the fuck I bought a new car. Oh, yeah. Fuck her. Who cares what she does, right? No, I called her. It's our daughter who pays

the price. She has a good... You know, I go, my car's only not who pays the price. She has a good... My car's only not even a year old. It was a brand new Lexus. I go, look, I took it in to get serviced since nothing else in my house is. So I took my car in. That's a blowjob joke.

And I saw a sportier Lexus. I go, I like sport. And I call her and she goes get it you deserve it get it if you want it get it just don't come home

I'd love to hear you laugh again I like how the guy with six rings clarified like sporty cars we know brother we know when I was pregnant

he bought a two seater Porsche yeah that makes sense when I was like seven and a half months pregnant, he went and got it. That's a famous story in my house. My dad had a Toyota, whatever, sporty, Toyota sport car.

And my mom was about to give birth to my brother, who was the firstborn. And she was like, you got to go get a family car, go get a minivan. And he went down to the dealership and he came back with a second sports car. It was a good deal. This is your dad. Anything you want to say to him about your college fund or anything? Well, look, you know, you work hard. Look, I grew up with nothing.

It's obvious. Oh, really? That white trash is pulling you back, man. Listen, farm girl. Get a neck tattoo. I'm gonna. He plays the lottery like it's a job. You do scratchies or you play the lottery yourself?

Both. Both? Yeah. I fuck her without a rubber. Without a rubber. What else do you call them? Condoms? I don't know

I say prophylactic Do you think that you guys are good Because you are like equal In a way though Like you both have a successful career That's the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me I can't even believe I had to sit through that I think you run into a problem When one person is That's the funniest thing anyone's ever said to me. I can't even believe I had to sit through that.

I think you run into a problem when one person is like, you know. Like when one person's doing better, there's like a little bit of a... He's on fire now. We both have our own money. We both can spend. If you didn't or he didn't, then you get resentful. And all these jokes are not so funny anymore and all that kind of shit. No, she's on fire. And sometimes, look, I'm old.

I get a little jealous. Our manager called. We have the same manager. He called me one day. And I'm like I get a little jealous like she's our manager call we have the same manager and he called me one day and I'm like oh good something's happening and I get on the phone and he goes do you have Bonnie's banking information and I'm like let's get mine she is

so good at everything she does oh that's sweet she really is it's like a whole nother level of everything he hits me when I'm at home by myself. Well, if you weren't so lippy. No. Honestly, I think he loves it. He's like, oh, we're soulmates and stuff.

I don't believe in that stuff. But I do think like- I disagree. Yeah, I do. Fuck that. Here's a dude. He barely has a soul so

no but I think like it's like we're both we both sort of have the same values in terms of like how hard we're willing

to work in life like what we want out of life like you know and the fact that like I mean he's obviously the funniest person alive

still I mean almost dead but he's he's got a couple years left yeah no he he's obviously the funniest person alive still. I mean, almost dead. But he's... He's got a couple years left. No, he says things to me. Because we're comedians,

he says things to me that you couldn't... Both of us say things to each other that you couldn't say to anyone else. Like, what's your best friend's phone number? No, we do. And we both... Sometimes we're in the car together driving home from new york and we both can trash the same comic we both despise the same we do talk a lot about

that's humongously important more than loving the same things hating the same thing when you're like oh i fucking hate that guy that food, whatever. And the other person's like, oh, I quite like it. Get out. I know. We drove here today so we could talk about this going on. We're really going to bond over this one. This experience. His head matched the table.

Jesus Christ. I stayed in New York last night because I did radio this morning but yeah we get look we do projects together stuff on our own mainly stuff on our own but what we do together which is mostly her

like our we made a movie but she made a movie women aren't funny he paid for the movie. And I cast, a lot of casting. And we have the best roast. So what did you do? Did you do anything?

She directed it and wrote it. It's one of the best documentaries. And then our roast, the Voss roast, which is on YouTube, hands down one of the best roasts in history. One of the best. Because it was all friends. Colin Quinn, Norton, Florentine, Judy Gold, everybody. And she put this fucking roast together.

You know, it's on YouTube. We put it on during the pandemic. He forced me. This is the truth. He forced me to do that roast for him. Because I said, what do you want for your birthday? And he's like, a roast? Who does that?

Who makes the other person work that hard and then he goes how about televised he asked for that so we filmed it yeah

five cameras it fucking came out it's have you ever seen this roast I have not go on do you like roasts

yeah it's the best Florentine she killed I'm going to tell you her opening show what she said she looked at norton and said your radio show is so bad i'd rather listen to my daughter drowning that is great that that takes the cake we were actually just we had josh wolf in here and he was talking about how'd you get him he did a roast of uh david ortiz big poppy on the red sox it was years ago it ended up not getting aired particularly because of some of the jokes

that were made uh and particularly in Gronk, the football player, Gronkowski. He took the stage and his very first joke was like, we got Josh Wolfe here. I gave his wife a Cleveland steamer. I shit on her chest. That was it. That was the fucking joke.

The whole room was like, what the fuck? And he just goes, nah, I thought it was funny. He wrote his own stuff for it. Clearly needed a writer. No twist. My favorite Gronk was when he put out a book and someone asked him, he's still in the past at the time, and someone asked him, did you write it? And he went, I read it.

That's so funny. But that's better, though, than when people pretend. To be real about it. Yeah. It's like in the corner it says like and written by the real fucking writer it's like come on man

but lots of times they don't even put that it's like a true ghost edit yeah it's like come on we know who you are and who you aren't like if you ever wrote a book it would be like come on

yeah you know what I mean four letter words and three fucking pages a lot of pictures love it yeah okay

so when you do the podcast live do you like do you like doing that or i mean because i love we can't do stand-up we just do the live podcast versus going up and doing your routine well no it's live it's so much fun because it's ad-libbed the whole thing thing. So is a lot of our acts. But the whole thing breaks down to who's the celebrity counselor. When it works best, it's me and whoever our person is making fun of him. Getting up on him. Yeah.

And Bill Burr wouldn't do it. I told him before, I go, it works best if, I'm just saying, you can do whatever you want, but, you know.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You had a big fight. Oh, yeah, women in the audience were,

yeah, yeah, and then he starts going, none of this Oprah shit. That is true. I would be very hesitant to be like, all right, let's go buddy,

this bitch over here. I mean, I could take a joke. I was just trying to give him the like, heads up on let's go buddy. This bitch over here. I mean, I can take a joke. I was just trying to give them the heads up on how... People were walking out, yelling at him. Crazy. People still come up to me and be like, you handled that

really well. I didn't really care that much about it. Someone walked out of ours last night for the first time. We had a walkout? Someone told me that when we were talking about Harvey Weinstein, someone went, Jesus, I can't listen to this anymore and got up and walked out. There's a comic that you should walk on. I'm proud of that. Wait, I'm just actually curious

what it was that you're pro. No, we are. Very much so. Really, at this point, I have to see this man's dick. Have you heard all about his dick? I heard what Stern was saying about it. It's disgusting. His balls are in his thighs.

His balls are in his thighs. Then why keep them? That's a good question. What do you mean? His balls are in his thighs. They're just like hanging? No, no, no. They're implanted into his thighs.

He had a surgery because he has a fucked up dick. It got an infection or something. This is Harvey Weinstein? To save the testicles, they put an incision like in your thighs and they put it in there and cover it up so it can still grow and shit. No way! His dick has been

described as it's fish-like Oh my god! Looks like it was chopped off and sewn back on looked like it was put in a meat grinder looked like it was put in a meat grinder. Looked like it was... One was just skin.

Lots and lots of skin. And we're not even talking about his face. The kicker was that they said he also just smells like poop. If you're going to have a terrible dick, at least, you know, take a shower. For some cologne or something.

Oh, someone said it looked like a vagina. Oh yeah, and then also one that it just looked like a vagina. Yeah, I feel like now this actually, yeah. And then also one that it just looked like a vagina. Yeah. I feel like now this actually I'm going to change my opinion on it. He had no other choice.

You know what I mean? Like he had to offer them. You think Gwyneth Paltrow is going to fuck him? Fuck fat pussy wine scene.

Just by looking at that? No. He's got to put something pretty big on the table. Shakespeare in love? I feel like he's resourceful.

Is that wrong? Is that a bad take? He said it was a clip. The good thing is you can't really kick him in his balls. But imagine, I don't know, I sit like this, which I'm sure comes as a surprise. And I don't know, when you cross your legs, you're slamming nuts, right?

I slam my nuts enough and they're in a regular place. If I had them in my thighs, I'd fucking hit my nuts all the time. It's gross. There was a Deadpan comic. He's from Ken Kranz. He's funny, from Jersey. He used to walk on stage. He's real Jewish.

I mean, I'm a Jew, so he's very Jewish. Walk up there. And he would open up, in Harvey Weinstein's defense. He goes, they were all tens. He did, yeah. He had a good eye. His dick was gross, but his eye was very gross. His eye.

No, but wasn't there, did he fuck a plant or something? Yeah, he jerked off into a plant. Yeah, he jerked off into a plant. Oh, he jerked off into a plant. I was going to say, like, a plant might have the only configuration. The logistics, that's basically what we were saying. I gotta just see this for morbid curiosity. How does it work? I mean, what does a fish dick even look like?

It's just a woman's vagina. Disgusting! It's a blowfish. I gotta say, Harvey Weinstein with a pussy is a disaster. I don't know, other guys with a pussy, maybe not so bad. Harvey Weinstein's pussy's gotta be a nightmare. Why would he want people to watch him shower? It's like, wouldn't you want to keep that hidden?

Hidden. I would be asexual. I would be... I'd live in shame Go Harvey I'd be like the hunchback of Notre Dame I'd never fucking come out I'm a whole pussy Weinstein But the thing with him now The reason this is all coming out

Is the LA trial And he's already going to die in jail He's 70 years old He's been sentenced to 23 years in New York Why have another trial So they can be heard. Right, but plead guilty. I'm guilty. I'm going to die in jail anyway.

Somehow, Numbus came out in his New York trial. Now I've got to know about Harvey Weinstein's gross-ass vagina. So what are you saying? The ladies in New York can't see a gross dick, but the ladies in L.A. You know what I mean? How come they didn't bring that? I don't know. Some of the information wasn't allowed to come out.

Well, this trial had the court artwork being done, the sketches. Oh, but none of his dick. No, but listen. So it was like a sketch of the sketch artist drawing, or maybe it was actually, I'm assuming he has to put pictures up to show, right? So it was a person either holding or sketching what looked like a naked Harvey Weinstein body. So they either were like exhibit A or she had to draw it to the best of her knowledge, whatever it was. But the first picture was like a little fat, bulbous Harvey Weinstein look, you know?

And the second cartoon was Harvey Weinstein just sitting there like this. Oh, my God. Not that you have any sympathy for that fucking scumbag, but I just got to imagine, like, when that picture goes up, like, Exhibit A, you're on, and you're just like, holy shit. It's so gross. Fucking fish vagina. I would be like, put it away.

I'm guilty. Let's all go home. Yes, why? It makes no sense. No, that's got to be some weird power shit or, you know, like, I don't know. He can't accept ever being wrong or whatever the fuck it is. Because any logical person would be, let's keep my meat grinder dick hidden. On the DL.

She's sometimes why a guy wants to put, like, sometimes a pussy. Like, I'll go to my hotel room after a show and get naked. And I'll tuck my dick between my legs. And I'll run around the room going, who's a pretty girl? You know, once in a while. Who among us hasn't? That's our pre- and post-game show. That's what we do around here.

Now, I mean, it's probably as bad for his brother that he has to, that he was, he had to know what was going on right have to at least know at the very least that bad shit's going on like maybe you don't know about the dick and everything do you think he would when he told

his brother do you think he'd be like hey I fucked Gwyneth Paltrow last night but do you think it was like hey I raped Gwyneth Paltrow last night do you think he's being honest or I think it's gotta be like hey I fucked Gwyneth Paltrow and your brother's like well you clearly raped her because why with Gwyneth Paltrow. And your brother's like, well, you clearly raped her. Because why would Gwyneth Paltrow?

I'm seeing your vagina. Why wouldn't his brother go, why do we have so many baby plants? All growing and flourishing. Are you watering? Who's Pete Davidson going out with now? Emily Ratajkowski. Is she pretty? What does she look like?

Yes, is she pretty? Maybe the most. Yeah, she's very, she's like the... How did he get a more beautiful version of someone? Upgrading from Kim K. Yes! I'll tell you how. Upgrading from Kim K. is pretty much impossible.

Fucking his unit. That's how. Let me see a picture. Yeah, the 10-inch dick does not hurt. That's her Instagram. It does hurt, actually. Score one for Bonnie. Emily Ratajkowski is like the – I think Instagram kind of killed the it girl, so to speak, like the girl.

I don't see it. And Emily Ratajkowski is as close to it as you can be right now. Really? But also, I think it's a little funny that all of these girls are kind of cool with being the 7th, 8th, and 9th sloppy 9ths. It's not like that. For girls, it's like

one girl gets a handbag, they all get the same handbag. That's how you compete. You know what I mean? She's got them now. Don't you think that's more like the but also but that's what I like she's got him now see I look at don't you think that's more like that you know

which one was at the very beginning but Kate Beckinsale is like that's old news honey like fuck no no no if Ariana

if he goes down that might be it right but right now he's still but right now he's still climbing which is crazy what's next

I don't know I want the Pete Davidson handbag come on Bonnie dated comics before me I just looked at them as my opening acts

I came in and closed the deal I closed it out You don't have to speak on every single thing My wife was a whore I didn't say that I was

I look at it as I didn't have to do enough as much work she brought a lot to the table by the way I heard you I heard you guys say that you were hosting the other night

and they gave you the $120 fucking dollars for that and you split it I would have fucking spit on that lit it it on fire, and like walked away. That is wildly disrespectful to two people on your level. I bought a sport car yesterday for fun. What the fuck am I going to do with $100?

Fuck you, man. That is insanity. I know. That was fun. It's not money. Like the other night when we roasted Judy Gold On her 60th birthday Her wife came up to pay me I go I don't

Keep it Go buy some You know That's not going to change my life Right And neither is what we got paid The other night Even if we got

It's just a principle Right That you have That you could do that Here You two take this Oh really We could buy a snail

You guys You'll of course Be sharing a dinner Yeah This might cover the Uber home Here, you two take this. Oh, really? We could buy a snail. You'll, of course, be sharing a dinner. This might cover the Uber home. Hey, listen, anything off the menu you two want to split, go right ahead. There's a great story about the menu at the stand. Oh, yeah. So they're trying to push this steak on everybody.

It's a tomahawk steak. Oh, no, wait. It's a great club. Go ahead. It's a tomahawk steak. Oh, no, wait. It's a great club. Go ahead. It's a great club of good food. And I guess there was some kind of competition with the waitstaff or something. They had some kind of incentive program where if you sold so many of these steaks, whoever sold the most at the end of the night got one. So they were really – and they don't usually push food on you, you know, as a comic.

They're like – If anything, it's like a little, you know, little plate. Tomahawk steak. That's the one with the big bone and everything, right? Yeah, they came up to us. We're like, it's like a little you know yeah they came to us like you gotta get the steak we're like you know and it's a hundred and twenty seven dollars it's like yeah it's like a hundred it's between 130 I can't remember how much it is but it's a lot so um I see this girl you know she's hosting in the upstairs room so you know she's not making as But it's a lot. So I see this girl. She's hosting in the upstairs room. So she's not making as much money even as if she was downstairs. And she's eating the Tomahawk steak.

I'm like, okay. And then later I come back up from a show and I see her arguing with the manager. They're both like, no, I understand. But I thought it was – she thought it was free. And it turns out it didn't even have the half price. Usually you had to pay half price. She had to pay, like, she had to, like, fork, give them money.

She's still hosting. She said two more times and then it's paid for. It's paid for. You know, it's like getting an eighth of Coke on credit. It was so funny. And it's all gone and I got to pay for this? Come back up and hear. But it is funny to listen to two women arguing anyway because they're both like, right, I

hear what you're saying. It was passive aggressive shit in the moral. Yeah, it's like this. Yeah. Yeah, no, I get it. May I speak? Totally. I just think it's funny that.

Yeah. Fucking great, man. Well, I mean, you two are fucking both legends, and it's an honor to have you guys in here. Oh, it's an honor to be here. You guys are the best. You don't have to say that. I do.

I think it's really funny. Are you honored? Are you honored? You're not honored. No, but let me tell you. We'll get you the sweatshirt. If I tell you, the sweatshirt's gonna go on my biome

he's gonna resell it no this listen this is fun to go into especially some people you don't know and it's fresh

and it's good but maybe lose our number didn't even have it this was all done through email maybe lose our number. No. Didn't even have it. This was all done through email. So the podcast is My Wife Hates Me. Anything else you want to plug?

When is this air? Is this live? No. This will be Tuesday? Tuesday. Go to richfoss.com. All my dates. Maybe Thursday.

If you're in Pennsylvania next Wednesday night, I'm at some place called something goblet. Anyway, use your Google. Yes. Go to Rich Voss. Listen, watch Voss Roast if you like roasts. It's free on YouTube. My wife hates me. Podcast on everywhere podcasts are.

Right? All of them. Yeah. And listen, this. It'll never end. You have to cut them off. You know that, right? This will go on forever. Yeah. And listen, this... It'll never end. You have to cut them off. You know that, right?

This will go on forever. No. Listen, I'm a lucky man that I met my soulmate. Do your jobs. Turn our mics off, Nick. See how long it goes. No, really, thanks for having us. That was really fun. Thank you, guys.

Thank you so much. No, really, thanks for having us. That was really fun. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much. Oh, thank God. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you.