KFC Radio - Brendan Schaub Would Experiment With Harry Styles in the Hamptons

Episode Date: May 5, 2022

- Feits has an itchy butthole - What happened before dog poop bags were invented - Johnny Depp has basically already won the trial against Amber Heard - AITA - Telling boyfriend about her ex's P*nis Reduction - boyfriend got me an emulsifier for anniversary - Video Voicemails - job of collecting dead body - dumbest sports thing someone has said - Personal Trainer Month - Brendan Schaub Interview on everything from being in the Ferrari Club, expanding the Thick Boy Brand, experimenting with Harry Styles in the Hamptons, being a Blackbelt, getting Feits help with his mental health, UFC and much more ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Timecodes: 0:00 - Intro/Feits has an itchy butthole 08:51 - Doggy bags 11:20 - Johnny Depp Amber Heard Trial 14:40 - AITA 24:57 - Video Voicemails 36:48 - Brendan Schaub Interview MVMT: Get up to 40% off MVMT at https://barstool.link/MvmtKFC Gametime: Download the Gametime app at https://barstool.link/GametimeApp and redeem code KFC for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply).You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Hey, real quick, are we all gay? That's what happens on this show pretty frequently. I'm ready for this. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Make sure if you're watching on YouTube, you drop a comment below. Also, go buy tickets to Philly and Chicago. I got an itchy butthole today.

Like off the top like that, dude? Dude, I wanted to set the tone. I wanted to come out and hit someone in the mouth. Let everyone know. Everyone has a plan until you get punched in the mouth. Let everyone know what kind of day it's going to be today. And all of a sudden, he tells you about an itchy asshole. Dude, I was walking at work today. I'm thinking about my own now.

I'm like, wait a minute. How am I doing? I was like doing stretches on the floor. I know. I know. I'm literally uncomfortable. It's making me like – I have like a stomach – Better than an itchy butthole, bro.

Dude. It feels good when you get it though, right? Yeah, but it just comes right back. I think I got a mosquito bite on it. Yo, you know what's wild? Does it – if If you If I wear If I'm If I'm somewhere I sleep out

I don't have like Clean clothes If I don't take a shower I put on like yesterday's boxers Why does everything get itchy I do What is that That's what it was

That's what I did yesterday You put on yesterday's boxers So I know I fucking came home I came to work Had an interview Went home Worked out Showered Went to go, went to go meet my buddy

for Celtics game, but I put on the same clothes I wore to work. Yes. So I put on... But what is that? Because I was only wearing those underpants for like two hours. It felt like a waste to just put them right in the laundry. I totally feel you on this. And guess who's got an infected butthole today?

Guess who it is? It's John. But what is that? Why is... I'm just at the corner of the seat today. Why? Ah! Jackie's gonna quit, man.

Jackie's an intellectual now. She can't do itchy asshole talk. That Emily Ratajkowski Photoshop. She's sitting on the fire hydrant. But I just don't get why... It's not like the boxers are, like, you know, filthy or whatever. Like, why does, what happens

to the fabric that it just jumps to your body and makes you all itchy? I don't know, man. But it does. It does. It fucking does. You put on, like, even just worn clothes, not even, like, dirty clothes. You wore them yesterday and you're gonna be itchy all over. I gotta fucking, ah, I'm itchy all from that. Fuck. Goddamn you, John. Go buy tickets to Ph over. I got to fucking itch you all from that.

Fuck. God damn you, John. Go buy tickets to Philly. I swear to fucking God. If we don't sell out, we'll still do the show, and then I'm going to come and blow up the fucking city. Oh, no. If it doesn't sell out, I might bribe Bert to be like,

hey, make the trip this weekend. Oh, that would be great. That would be great. Make all you motherfuckers pay. Yeah. Everybody who does buy tickets, you're going to get a fucking show. I actually still haven't made the call. I have to make a call.

We might have a very special guest. You might get a double show. Ooh. We've talked about this. I think we say this every time I say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could get a special show. But buy your tickets.

It's going to be a good show anyway. We know exactly what we're doing now. The live shows are all awesome. We're going to be at the Fillmore in May, May 19th. Someone said to me, it's a Thursday night. That's why. The fuck? It's a one-hour show on a Thursday night.

It's not like it's a fucking five-hour concert. You'll be done by like 9 o'clock. Just leave the kids there. You can legitimately leave your kids in front of the iPad, run to our show, watch it for like an hour and 15, get back home. They'll still be watching the same fucking YouTube. If you want to waste money on Babysitter,

I'll reimburse you, but you don't just fucking put some food in the dog bowl, fucking put the TV on, come to the show. You'll be right back. It's fucking easy. Buy the fucking tickets. Leave a comment below. Last time I had you comment Who had better hair

Jackie or Feidelberg I think Feidelberg won that one Yeah Yeah I think so Jackie you know You look like a nice brunette though I mean I mean

You know what it is Can I tell you what it is What is it I don't wanna This might be a rude thing to say I don't know the rules You gotta If you wanna be blonde

You gotta bleach your eyebrows too Nah I'm not gonna do that Well then you're not gonna be blonde Why would that be rude I don't know I don't know the rules. You gotta, if you want to be blind, you gotta bleach your eyebrows too. Nah, I'm not gonna do that. Well, then you're not gonna be blind. Why would that be rude? I don't know. I don't want to talk about anybody's appearance.

The picture of me photoshopped onto Ben Franklin where we both have the same brown hair, like his haircut, I was kinda like, that looks good on me. Yeah,

you look great as a brunette. I should just go back and be a brunette. If you don't do the eyebrows, no one's ever gonna think you're a blonde. No, thick eyebrows.

I mean, that's what blondes have. Why am I taking advice from – I don't know. Why would you take advice from anybody? People do. Why would you take advice from straight guys on what it takes to look like a pretty girl? Yeah. I'm fucking telling you.

Listen, we are two straight white men. We're dealing out a lot of advice for ladies these days. We'll tell you what. You want to catch some about the hair? I'll tune you up on that too if you want. I did think about coming out as pro-life recently. For any reason? Just so all the ladies Of my past

Could be like Oh yeah Well what about this time And I go Told you I fuck And they go But seriously Let women make decisions

About their own bodies I was dancing around it Today on the radio I was like I was like I don't wanna I don't wanna talk about this But like

What guy And I'm pausing in my head Cause I'm like I don't know what I can And can't say But here I can definitely say it It's like What guy wouldn't want the option

To have an abortion Yeah bro I am I am pro- I don't know what I can and can't say, but here I can definitely say it. It's like, what guy wouldn't want the option to have an abortion? Yeah, bro, I am pro-choice. Like you are. I am pro-death. I'm like, kill them. I already caught two.

This is what I mean. I can't, I can't get going. When you're a kid, when you're a kid and having sex, when you don't want to have any kids

and you're an adult, if you don't have the money, like all these reasons, I love knowing that there's a safety belt, a safety net of like, well, we know what's going to have any kids and you're an adult, if you don't have the money, all these reasons. I love knowing that there's a safety net of we know what's going to happen if this happens. I thought that it was... We'll be brief with this. That's what I said last time, and I wasn't.

But let's be brief. I already said I'm pro-death. I saw, I think, Time tweet out an article last night that was like, these are the states where abortion will become immediately illegal. And I thought it was going to be like the two. I thought it was going to be like Texas and Florida. No, it's like all of them.

It's 50-50. It's crazy. It's like 25 and 25. It's wild. I thought it was just going to be Texas and Florida, like the ANOs. No. No, it's a lot. The America name only.

It's like, eh, not really. We don't blame you. But no, it's everywhere. Jack, I'm going to give you some more advice right now. I always think back in situations like this. I think back to an old blog we wrote way back in the day, early, early Barstool. I believe it was in Nicaragua. I could have the town mistaken.

And the ladies said, if we do not get a highway to town, we are done fucking. They got a fucking highway. It might be. That highway got made quick fast. If we can't get rid of babies, you ain't making them anymore. Guess what? You'll get that abortion real quick.

I agree. It's probably pretty difficult to hold out. It shouldn't fall on you, but it seems like it's going to. I was going to say, it's up to you. Sorry. And I think that – I think it was Nicaragua. I'm going to see if we can find it. It was somewhere in South America.

Yeah. Or Central America. I know. Yeah, I know. It was – like the power of the pussy is the thing for a reason. Wield it. Use that power. Or like somebody fucks all the congresspeople, gets them all.

I don't even think that shit works anymore. Right, right, right, right. But it's like, guess what? Now you're going to have a child with me. Yeah. And you know what those people do? They get abortions. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Those are the same people who, like, are against gay marriage, but they're sucking dick behind closed doors. But I doubt that they even have a swimmer or whatever that works. Jackie gets hot about abortion. I really, I really... Yesterday someone in this room said, don't you not want to use condoms? Who do you think it was? The gay one.

Oh, don't you not want to use condoms? Yeah, she was like, it's so much better without condoms! Just don't get it. You thought I said You said Not use condoms Did you think I thought

You think this guy Gives a shit about abortion Yeah Did you think I said Don't you do it Don't do it Whatever I was thinking more

Of the other A word Yeah The other life ruining A word A lot of A words Well the abortion Doesn't ruin life The abortion

Saves lives Saves the ruin Well it kills lives But it saves lives Yeah yeah yeah It's your life That gets saved Right The baby's life That ends Yeah if it's me or you It's gonna be you every time Well, the abortion doesn't ruin life. The abortion saves lives. Well, it kills lives, but it saves lives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's your life that gets saved. Right.

The baby's life. If it's me or you, it's going to be you every time. It's the baby's life that gets snuffed out right away. One of us are dying. I have bills. You don't. I love this show. All right.

We got Brendan Schaub on the show today. Monster episode appearance. He's like a third chair today. So we're going to jump into Am I the Asshole and voicemails, and then we'll get right to Brendan because it's like a two-hour episode where we chop it all up. Wait, real quick. This is another thing I thought of on the way to work today. What happened? I feel like there was a revolution in my life.

I feel like I was around for it when doggy bags became a thing. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like – Doggy bags like for leftovers? No, for poops. Okay. And what happened before that? You mean poop bags. Poop bags. Okay, yeah.

Yeah, doggy poop bags. You have a lot of – your words are like just off these days. Johnny Popper, doggy bags, just off. You know what I mean. Yeah, no, I think that did become a thing. I think somebody probably like monetize that shit so but like I saw someone pick up the dogs poop today and and What what happened before that before those bad people play it's to bring bring plastic bags or they just bring it up

That's what I bet you people didn't pick it up and then they and then someone was like, you know We need to fix this problem. How can we do it? Well, if we give everyone in the world these fucking bags, will you do it then? So we're dogs not as prevalent as they are now, or was there just poop all over the place? That's crazy. I don't know. I really, that's a good question.

Maybe, you know when they say curb your dog, doesn't that mean like have them shit and piss on, like, often? No, I think it means leave them outside. Leave them outside? I thought that was like, I think so. Because the picture always just kind of has them, I think he's just got them On a leash right And that just means Like leave them on

Like don't bring them inside Oh okay I thought that had something To do with like Don't shit in the middle Of the fucking sidewalk Otherwise yeah I feel like

Cause listen If I don't have a bag Like I don't know Sorry A dog means to Prevent them from peeing Or pooping on your neighbor's lawn Okay so

It did have something To do with that That's weird I see that all the time I see that also Where there's not lawns Yeah But whatever If I don't so it did have something to do with that. That's weird. I see that all the time. I see that also where there's not lawns. Yeah. But whatever. If I don't have a bag or something to pick it up,

that shit's standing on the floor. I'm sorry. And I know it's rude or whatever, but it's just fucking standing there. Same way that if I bring you a bottle of liquor, I'm taking it back. When they do a double shit, it's like, what the fuck was that?

I only had one. I'm not taking my socks off. I'm not doing that ridiculous shit. There's just... People take their socks off? Yeah. That's crazy. Come on.

Just leave the book on the back. It's going to book let's get a racer yeah i walk by human feces all the time i'm like well yeah yeah so like i don't know i don't know why would you pick that up no i'm just saying like oh that dog poop is that's the least of the problem yeah it's not it's not an issue yeah walking the streets in new york is like walking johnny depp's bedroom got him that was so bad I hated that cut that I think Johnny Depp rested I think the defense rested

I don't know how long it takes for them to if he doesn't win when he wins the Me Too 2 movement is having a big party and when he loses we're rioting I don't know about the abortion shit but we're rioting for Johnny Depp in his name. I want him to... Some dude at Stu Feiner's party had a great idea.

If he wins, he should do like... He should stand up in the courtroom and be like, you'll remember this as the time you almost caught Johnny Depp. Whatever his line is. We'll go out and buy him some Caribbean and walk out with that smirk. The way he's been laughing and smirking in this – He's coming out.

Because he knows. He knows. Win or lose, he's won. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if he wins, then he's really won. But already he's proven. She sucks. I'm cool.

She's the bitch. I'm not. We had some problems, but it's her fault. That – There's the clip of her complaining about they used to play guitar. She's like, I don't want to hang around old men playing guitar. He's like, that's awesome. Yeah, for real. And then don't date – Guess what? i don't want to hang around old men playing guitar it's like that's awesome yeah for real and then like guess what then don't date an old guy

who plays a guitar like i don't want to date a drug addict movie star who plays guitar i'm married to johnny jack come on yo by the way did you know amber heard elon musk and cara delavigne had a threesome i did not i know she dated elon, but I didn't know. Yeah, and you know that Kara girl with the big eyebrows? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had a threesome. I cannot imagine Elon Musk fucking, let alone fucking ever heard, because you know she's a freaky deke, let alone a threesome. Is she a freaky deke?

Dude, I don't know. I think she... I don't... You don't think that the reason why there was even... That he even continued to tolerate this? Ah, good point. Come on. I'm sold.

Okay. I can't... Come on. I'm sold. Okay. I can't... Come on. Come on, man. That's like... That's like the last 10 years for us. God. I was disappointed.

Of course that's what it was. She must have been... Elon must have been like... The reason why Elon's like such a fucking robot. Like, he lives. Like, he got a taste of humanity with Amber Heard. Like this is what humans do. This is sex. I'm out.

I'm going to go be an android. This is too scary. All right. Am I the asshole today? Brought to you by Game Time. Game Time is the best place. They say Game Time because it's a lot of sports, but it's also entertainment too. Your favorite band, your favorite comedian, any live entertainment you want to get in the building.

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You can download the Game Time app. You click on the account tab. And then you create a login. And then you use promo code KFC for $20 off your first purchase. Whatever those tickets may be. $20 off on the Game Time app. Last minute tickets. lowest price guaranteed. Am I the asshole for telling my boyfriend

about an ex that had to get penis size reduction surgery? Yep! That is just an unnecessary thing that does not need to be talked about. Next! Next! Next! Bro, what the fucking thing? What the fuck. Bro, that's a fucking thing?

What the fuck? Bro, that's how little my dick is. I didn't know that was a surgery. Didn't even ever enter my brain as a thing I might do. 33 years, that's never fucking crossed my bow. I can't even fathom sitting there with your girlfriend. Bro, what? Hey hey you remember uh you remember uh jeremy that guy used to date he got penis reduction surgery thank you so much thank you

very much miss lippy people went to medical school like dude you have to have surgery you it was by a doctor with a huge dick it was like, I gotta fucking, I gotta do this myself. People saw him in the street. That's like, dude, if I was this guy, I'd swat that guy. I don't know why it just feels like. Because that's the only thing you can do to ruin him. He's got a fucking weapon of mass destruction and he uses it on my girlfriend. Go fucking kill him.

Let's see, man. My boyfriend and I started watching Westworld together, and there's a lot of male frontal nudity. If you haven't seen it, you'll know that there's one penis in particular that's very shocking. I don't really remember that. I only watched it first. No, actually, I watched all of them. I forgot about that. Just during the pandemic, I did that show with Ken Jack

and Jepty Lowe. It was the worst show ever. That was the worst show about the worst show ever. I dreaded that. I was like, I gotta talk about this stupid ass, terrible fucking show. From my boyfriend, from that, my boyfriend and I had a conversation about how hard it is for that guy to get laid considering the fact that he has a giant penis. During which, the topic of penis reduction was mentioned. My boyfriend was in disbelief at the idea of a penis reduction and said that no man would willingly get that.

That's what we're saying. Like, it's not even a thing. So my immediate reaction. I'm not saying man would willingly get that. That's what we're saying. Like, it's not even a thing. So my immediate reaction. I'm not saying I wouldn't get it. I'm saying it's not necessary. Yeah, well, but I mean, yeah, it's not necessary for us. So my immediate reaction was to bring up someone I know who undergone a penis reduction. I told him that my ex-boyfriend had one nearing the end of our relationship.

I told him that the procedure was probably more common than he thinks. To this, his entire demeanor changed. Shut up, lady. And he said he was tired and went home. I was confused until the next morning. I went over to bring him breakfast, and he told me that what I told him was not something that ever needed to be said. He said it was being inconsiderate and trying to make him feel emasculated.

I was still confused. He clarified that telling me that I was with someone who needed a penis reduction is just incredibly awful of me and rude. I told him it was just talking about the topic that he had questioned. He didn't care and he kicked me out. I feel like I've done nothing wrong. He's just being insecure. He's being insecure. For sure. But this is like a reasonable

Yeah, very reasonable. I couldn't find the word. In reality No. It shouldn't be insecure. It is silly. But in reality, it's a thing. It's just like big dicks are a thing. Girls can say size doesn't matter.

Yet when they see one, they fucking light up. It's just a thing, right? So we don't want to hear about a guy who had a fucking inhumane cock that needed to be physically, surgically produced. Dude, what the fuck, man? Like, come on. That is nuts. That's like if I – What do you even do? Because, like, I feel like – I don't have a great understanding of the penis.

But, like, with a tit, you just scoop out some fat, right? Tits are just fat. Yeah, you got to chop tubes and regress them. But, like, there's a lot of shit in here. They can grow an arm on a dick, as we know he can. You can do anything. Yeah, they can grow an arm on a dick. On this guy's dick, maybe.

You can grow a dick. Yeah. You'd have to chop out a middle section and then put the two together and reconnect all the tubes and everything. You'd probably have a big scar right around the middle. But you could do that where the color changes. You put the scar right there and it kind of looks normal. I mean, this would just be like, I don't know, the equivalent of talking about

your ex-girlfriend who's got like a fat ass or a perfect pussy and a deep throat and I don't know. I guess deep throat would be something there. I was going to say like,

yeah, just like, if you're like, yo, we used to fuck wild. Right, right. We weren't even fucking. We were fighting.

Exactly. We just had our channels in each other. If there was like a movie where someone had crazy sex. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Yeah. And they were like, that's not real. And you were like, oh, I used to do that all the time with Jessica.

Like we used to break windows. We used to set things on fire. We had women and children calling the police. It was crazy. Yeah. You'd be like, I didn't even know that. Like, yeah, no fucking shit. You don't know

For a fucking reason Come on I mean that's just As basic as it gets And even And even that Has more of a reason To be brought up

Because it could That could at least be Inspirational It could be a pep talk Right I can't make my dick grow There's nothing I can do Trust me

I've tried I've tied things to it I've stretched it I've fluffed it I've beat it a little bit I've just stared at it For hours've stretched it. I've fluffed it. I've beat it a little bit. I've just stared at it for hours. Like, come on, you motherfucking casted spells. Doing some Harry Potter.

Wingardium. Wingardium. It ain't happening, man. It ain't fucking happening. Fucking tied it to a truck. Had my buddy drive it. All right. One more, and then we'll do voicemails.

Dude, I have worms. What does that mean? Do you ever see how the dog drags its butt across the ground? I think that's because it got worms. You're wearing dirty boxers. No, I'm not wearing dirty boxers. I'm wearing clean boxers. Now you are?

Yeah, no, I wore those last night. I put them on. I didn't exercise in them. I just wore them to work, and I put them on last night. I would have put on new boxers. Okay. Okay. I'm really put on new boxes. Okay. Okay. I'm really fucking done, dude.

Am I the asshole for buying my girlfriend a blender instead of the necklace she wanted on our anniversary? This happened last month, but my best friend is still giving me shit about it. I asked what she wanted. She told me something romantic. A little necklace or something cute. While browsing Amazon, I found an emulsion blender and pinged it in my head. My girlfriend loves cooking, always talks about the gadgets she wants. Plus, she made homemade tomato sauce, and I remember her complaining how hard it was to make a smooth sauce

because she didn't have an emulsion blender. The day rolls around. She gives me a little bottle of whiskey I've had my eyes on for ages, but I couldn't justify the cost. I was so hyped and encouraged my girlfriend to open hers. She opened it up and her face kind of goes, oh, an emulsion blender. And I told her, I remember her talking about the kitchen gadget she wanted and was so excited to give it to her. She kept her cool, but she told me while she appreciates the thought, she was a little upset that it wasn't jewelry. I was confused. I explained that she felt anniversary should be more romantic slash sentimental versus a practical gift. It was nothing fancy.

A $30 mushroom necklace is what she wanted. But am I the asshole? I mean, she got a rubble on her. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. She wanted it. But she said, get me this necklace for my anniversary. Then just get the necklace for the anniversary.

Yeah, that's crazy, Tom. But I will say, almost every other other time i think almost every other time you you get a girl a gift that she like had said a while ago like oh i need one of those and you remembered and you like took a mental note and then you got it and she like if you got me a blender i'd be like throw it in the garbage let's do finer like i don't fucking need this. But if a girl who cooks. I'm going to sit with you for a while. A girl who cooks and makes sauce and says, oh, I wish I had an emulsion blender. And then you get it one day. That's usually a good gift.

But when a girl says, get me this. Don't get cute with it. Just fucking get her that. It is the. My dad does that. My dad. Dude, if people knew what my dad gets my mom for gifts Like

They'd call like I don't know They'd make us think about it Cause he gets My mother Oh he gets her like Exercise shakes The most sexist gifts

You can imagine But they're truly what she wants Right It's like get skinny Cook me food It's like a fucking It's like a little girl Who wants like Barbies

It's just like I know I want to wear pink Why are you dressing up in pink all the time She likes fucking pink I don't know what to tell you It is If she wants My mom's like a little girl who wants Barbies. I know. I want to wear pink. Why are you dressing in pink all the time? She likes fucking pink. I don't know what to tell you. My mom's like, I want a vacuum, and I want an exercise bike. My dad's like, Jesus fucking Christ.

He's aware of it. He's like, don't tell anyone I got you this stuff. I'll just say it in a podcast. If you're opening up the wrapping, and it's a fucking vacuum. He makes her open it in the basement. you're opening up the wrapping and it's a fucking vacuum but he makes her open it in the basement yeah don't bring this up let's get to our voicemails uh voicemails today are brought that is by the way that is i maybe it's just it's older age um that is when you remember something that someone wanted and you get it for them and then they're like, holy shit, that is actually better than getting a gift.

It is. Like they say, giving a good gift is better. It's like fucking nailed it. Bro, I hate getting presents. I think we talked about that this Christmas. I was like – dude, I got a Christmas present when I went home this weekend. I got a Christmas present for my aunt. Socks.

Like not nice socks, just a pair of socks That she clearly Grabbed at Marshall's And she said Merry Christmas I was like Stop getting me presents I'm a 33 year old man Who makes his own money And I don't need

Any more socks Thank you very much I like socks But I just don't need It right now for you I just don't need A pair of thick wool socks In June

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so go to 3cheat.com use promo code stool5 i believe three three k. Use promo code STOOL5 and you get a 5% discount. What's up, KFC? Fights. Everybody behind the camera. This is kind of less of a question than more of just a story, but I remember last week KFC was talking about when he walked in on his grandma just dead in the house. And it kind of reminded me a close family friend of ours works for a funeral home and he would sometimes have to go and pick up bodies that had died.

And if you're going to a funeral home or something like that, or someone dies in their sleep, then they all come in in suits and they take the body and they leave a rose on the bed and they make it look all nice and try to be respectful but sometimes they don't die in their sleep and he told me a couple stories and i'll just share a couple um one he said they they walked in uh they had gotten a call that an old woman had passed away in their house or in her house so they walk in and she's face down in just a pool of blood and what had happened was she had just face planted, hit her nose, and it just kind of gushed out. So they had to, like, in their suits, pick up this woman and get her into the hearse all bloody. The other time, they said that one guy had gone alone to get this woman, and she had died in her bathtub.

And she was easily 300 pounds. And there were just, like like she had been there for days there were maggots all over the place and he had to just again in his nice suit scoop this woman up get her onto a gurney of some kind and get her into the hearse

that's a job I'm quitting right there I know that these things are usually like family owned businesses that family owned business stops with me right then and there. One thousand percent. I know that these things are usually like family-owned businesses. That family-owned business stops with me right then and there. There is not a paycheck you can give me, a legacy that we can have, a reason that you can give me, where my job will be to lift a 300-pound dead woman covered in maggots. That's it. I'm out.

Maybe even the dead woman in the pool of blood, too. I'd be like, there's no better time in America to be an employee right now than to be someone job hunting. I'll fucking see you later. The job market's booming. The dead woman with the nose, I would grab her by the ankles and just pull her out, maybe. Just leave the blood everywhere.

The dead maggot woman, she ain't getting touched, bro. I would quit that job. Bro, I quit a job once because they had me go two stories high on a ladder. And I was like, fuck this. I don't know how to use ladders. That's true.

Ladders are a lot harder than you think. Ladders are scary. Ladders are scary. It's actually the third story. But I was like, you want me to go up there and paint?

I got up there. Yeah, get up there and then you have to like move and shit? I did like two strokes. I was like, all right, guys, I'm out. I'll take that rose.

Here you go. Here's a flower for your troubles. I did like two strokes. I was like, all right, guys, I'm out. I'll take that rose. Here you go. Here's a flower for your troubles. See you later. There's another funeral home down the block. Bro, I forget when we talked about certain stuff. I know we talked about morticians on a YouTube live, so maybe people haven't listened. No people have listened, haven't seen that.

The people who live in the... In funeral homes. In funeral homes are fucking psychopaths. Yeah, no, they're terrifying. You families are all fucking nuts. No, they're all, like, haunted and ready to fucking... It's crazy. You fucking...

Who was it was telling the story about, like, that they... They do it for, like, the money or something. They do it for, like, a... So they can be on call. They can get there right away. It's like, you can leave. So you can go, like, yo, that woman's been there for three days.

She can handle it for a few more hours. Fucking crazy town. Four minutes while I go from my regular house that's two blocks away. Fucking lunatics. Dude, the, that was, I also don't remember when we said the, talking about your dead grandmother. And then when my grandmother died, and they were like, when I was living in Boston, and my grandparents had an apartment in Boston. And my dad called me, and he was like, he me and he was like, hey, your grandmother died. You might want to head over there.

And I was like, all right, fine. So it was like a Saturday morning. I was hungover as shit. And I get to the apartment. My grandfather opened the door and was like, she's dead. She's in the other room if you want to go see her. Oh, yeah. And I was like, oh, she's dead.

He's like, she is. Why would I want to see her? I'm way too hungover to see a dead body i'm gonna go i'm gonna go to the living room and if you guys have any beers that'd be great but the fuck there's something i was gonna say uh i don't know i don't know i'd be a bartender that's what i'd do i do exactly what i'm gonna do when you smarten up and start doing your own show instead of this I don't know. I don't know. I'd be a bartender. That's what I'd do. I do exactly what I'm going to do when you smarten up and start doing your own show instead of this one.

I'm like, I'll just be a bartender now. That's my skillset. That's what's happening. That's what one day, before I'm 40, I'll be a bartender. Next up. Hey guys, what's up? I'm going to keep this quick, but I just got a question for you guys. A couple weeks ago, I was watching the UFC Petr Jan versus Aljamain Sterling card.

Washing with a bunch of my buddies, and my one friend had quite the jacked up moment, if I can say so. I respect this. During one of the fights, two guys were on the ground. One of them was beating the shit out of the other guy who was just feeding it to him. And she looked at me and she asked, why does that one guy just let him hit him like that? Why doesn't he get out and like get on top or do something else and i looked at her with just contempt and confusion like what the fuck are you

talking like you know just one of those questions where you're like yeah i think they would if they could but anyways uh question is uh besides hanging out with jackie uh what was the moment where you guys are watching sports and someone gave you a question that just made absolutely no sense i mean so many times. But we say it all the time, too. There are things like in football, just run the two-minute drill or just stop running it right up the middle. Sometimes it does just look like.

Yeah, dude, football, just do that every time. We still don't get that. Just score every time. But USC is funny. But sometimes I am like, stop letting that guy punch you in the face. Run away. Turn around and run. Run the other way.

Climb the walls. Do whatever it takes. But yeah, that's why I'm not a UFC fighter. I don't know. I'm sure I have them all the time too, like we just said. I think one of the great disservices the American educational system does is that they beat into you. There's no such thing as a stupid question there are so many dumb questions dude it's like every teacher i ever had was like no there's no such thing as a

bad question there absolutely is and and i am lucky enough to have ignored all those teachers like i did in in most cases but in particular this one where i just don't ask questions ever no just if you have if you if you asking a question one, where I just don't ask questions ever. No. Just – If you have – If you – If asking a question is admitting you're dumb, don't ever admit to people you're dumb. It's better to stay dumb than get educated. Also, just fucking Google it.

Yeah. Just do it on your own and you don't have to admit to someone that you're dumb. Dude, I'm silently dumb. My sister once asked me, what animal do potatoes come from? She could have just Googled that and I wouldn't be making fun of her for the rest of her life. You know? That's a dumb fucking question it's a dumb fucking question girl i guess shoot i mean that's not a question that's a demand but shoot when people yell that at hockey games that's a bad one also uh when i'm like just throw strikes it's like i think he's trying but that's just like you suck yeah it's not like you're you're thinking wrong

it's like you're you're not good i don't i don't know i i mean that's obviously that's just like you suck. It's not like you're thinking wrong. It's like you're not good. I don't know. I mean, that's obviously – This is a good one. Tweet at us. Tweet at KC Radio. What are the stupidest sports critiques or criticisms or demands from fans? The hockey one, that's always one. That's the clearest dichotomy between someone who knows what they're talking about and what they don't.

People who yell shoot, literally the exact opposite when you're like oh they're showing and then someone when someone says the word patience someone says the word patience in hockey that's the one who knows what they're talking about he showed great patience there everybody just wants to fucking rape you alright last voicemail hey what's up you guys

trade guy here I was just listening to Tuesday's episode and I have something that I need to get off my chest Love this kid. He's always kind of whispering. Like someone who's listening. something to the effect of December is National Personal Trainers Month. Be sure to thank your personal trainer. Every time I pass by, I think to myself, there's only 12 of those motherfuckers and you think you deserve a whole

ass month? The PT community is on the same level of attention as gay people and black people. Whoa, okay. No, I like that. Let the man speak. Those guys that get their wrists taped,

or sorry, their ankles taped in like 0.5 seconds, the people that do that, they deserve a whole month. But I know that is not in all of their bags, so don't even fucking try me with that bullshit that PTs deserve a 12th of every single year. You're crazy uh so my question is what is another uh holiday or holiday month along those lines where it's like hey i'm never gonna hate on another brother's heat check but that's all that's a lie i am going to hate on

your cheat check when your community is obscure as physical traders. I love this kid. I love this kid. He's really 8% of all days ever. I think we should... So, anyways... It's early in May. We'd already started. But should the month of May be like National Podcaster Month? Sure. It's also Masturbation Month, so it makes sense.

Perfect. Yeah. So, please... One of the first blogs I wrote for Barstool. May is Masturbation Month. Happy Masturbation Month. It's also the highest month of suicide, so... It all checks out. It all makes sense. Yeah. yeah yeah so please one of the first blogs i wrote for barcelona may's masturbation masturbation month it's also the highest month of suicide so this is it all it all checks out yeah so dude speaking of that um the i was i was saying the other day where i was like i'm in a good mood

today i don't know if you guys can tell just a big fan of itchy buttholes and and uh this is the first time i've been in a good mood in a little while and And I was saying to someone, I think my mom or my dad, and I was like, yeah, I've just been down for, I don't know, the last three, four weeks. And then he was like, that's such a long time. Some people say I had a bad day. He said I had a bad month. He said one twelfth of the year.

I was like, yeah, okay, so that was one twelfth of the year. A whole chunk of your year you spent depressed, bro. And there'll be more to come, but just like, would you just like, yeah, I just had a down three, four weeks. Most people are like running to a facility. You're just like, hey, that'll be fine. It'll be fine. I had a bad night.

I had a bad month. But no, May will be National Podcast of the Month, so thank a podcaster There's not enough of us out there And we all do a great service to you So make sure We're on in the background While you scream at

Fucking traffic Yeah Basically So thank a podcaster Okay Alright The Fuck

There was someone else Who was gonna say though Yeah I don't know Nothing It's just National training That's crazy That's what I was gonna to say, though. Yeah, nothing. Just national trainer. That's crazy. That's what I was going to say. That's my big take.

Personal trainer. Bro, that's nuts. Get the fuck out of here with that. All right, Brendan Shaw today on KFC Radio is brought to you by Movement. MVMT is an American watchmaker. You know the deal. They make the sunglasses. They make the regular eyeglasses for the blue light.

They have the watches with the leather bands. It started at 95 bucks. The metal bands. It started at 95 bucks. They make the regular eyeglasses for the blue light. They have the watches with the leather bands. Sorry, $95. The metal bands. They start at $95. They go only up to $135. We actually mentioned them in Brendan Chobb's interview. It's so ubiquitous. They're so ingrained in us.

He said he drops his fucking promo code. Yeah, no, no, no, no. He also drops his promo code for therapy. And that's us. That's fucking us, too. That's our fucking territory. So when it's us, you go to MVMT.com Slash KFC And you get up to

Because it's a special deal You can get up to 40% off For Mother's Day Usually it's 15% plus free shipping and free returns This now is 40% off Because you can get gifts for the women in your life too So for the moms out there It's a particularly tough time for them

If you know what I'm saying So go to MVMT.com slash kfc get the watches the accessories the glasses and everything they need to look sharp with 40 off when you go to nvmt.com slash kfc it's brendan on kfc radio let's talk to him um what's up with this whiskey man you want some do you want any shows i've done let's fucking go man real good want some? Do I? Do you know how many shows I've done? Let's fucking go, man. Real good shit. We got the Boss Hog if you want it. Whistle Pig? Yeah, those are my boys. You want some? Let's do it, man. Okay. Can you go grab

some... I was just walking here thinking about the Celtics game tonight, thinking about not drinking, going, you know what? I think I'm going to go no drinking weekdays all of May. And that lasted literally 26 minutes. I'm proud of you, man.

Come on. We got to do this. No, no, no. I'm in. I don't need any swaying. I'm in. I'm good. If it wasn't you, it would have been somebody else.

I never celebrate anything, so this is kind of towards a celebration, man. No, we got to celebrate. Yeah, come on. The special special that's why i'm here man we're gonna get some good glasses i'm seeing you guys in forever i i got you know the new digs here dude he said uh he's like oh you guys got a green room and i was like yeah i was like oh shit you were at the old one that was the old one you never came here you came through when we were still on the come up old school man i've always supported you then now

yeah now you guys like i guess we'll fit you in. No, but yeah, you saw the – he goes, it was a lot like a frat house of guys trying to make a media company. Yeah, that's what it was. That's what it was really the whole time. Fancy, fancy. Yeah. Sure, buddy. Any ice or no? The Boss Hog?

Yeah, it's amazing. You go grab the Manicube or two? They surprised me in the green room in Austin with this. Those whiskey pickles are great. Dude, they're the best. Oh, you're good. You said ice or no ice? Yeah, can you grab a cube?

Yeah. Go grab it. Listen, I know you guys are big. I'm not The Rock. Come on, man. Can I get some ice, for God's sakes? I don't know. This shit is so good that you can sip on it.

I just like a little ice myself. No, it's all good. Let me wipe on these fucking tight jeans, man. Which I didn't know aren't in in New York. Yeah, oh, big bag. Yo, it's a big moment for guys like me. You had to run. Skinny jeans and tight shit.

Now everyone's doing fucking floppy stuff. I'm like, let's go. Athleisure, sweatpants, baggy shit. Lazy. Lazy. Thick boy, come on. Thick boy, but thick boy in tight jeans, dude. I don't give a fuck what the fashion trend is.

I refuse to give in to it. Dude, I said that. I think I started hearing about the baggy jeans, baggy stuff coming on like three years ago, and I was like, fucking fat chance. No way. Dude, the corduroy. Now I wear pants that like if I jumped off a building, they'd catch air. You have JNCOs on?

Yeah, basically, yeah. He has a pair of corduroys that pimp would be like, if I jumped off a building, they'd catch air. You have JNCOs on? Yeah, basically, yeah. He has a pair of corduroys that Pimp would be like, those are too much. I was wearing them yesterday. They're insane. It looks like he took, like, a roll of corduroys and rolled it out. That's saying a lot. That is because Pimp takes some fashion risks. I love that, by the way, that green shit right there.

Dude, you know, can I just do this? Is this going to be weird? Yeah, bro, you do it. Yeah be weird yeah things are different now man you guys are different I don't know it's your I'm gonna get banned from this shit to the green chairs yeah appreciate guys man success too yeah I need to get more successful it's never good I knew homeless pimp was a big deal, but I'm on the street, man. People are like, hey, will you take a picture of us? I'm like, I don't know, man.

It's never good when you're a videographer. It's more famous than you. So that's why I need to do more press. No, bro, you can't possibly do more work than you're doing. I mean, forget about, okay, the special and your own network, right? Network, yeah. But before all that, you've got two podcasts. You've got Fighter and the Kid.

You've got, you do Below the Bell, which is now Shop Show. Left Show Time. You had to deal with Show Time for years. Five years, yeah. I mean, the food truck. I mean, every time I turn around, you've got another show. Yep, King the State. You're one of the only people who does as much shit as we do, except we do a whole bunch

of shit because we're like, we got to just keep grinding, keep trying to get there. They're all successful, you dick. You're already a millionaire. Stop. Stop. Yeah, it's all organic because like King the Sting in the wing with Chris Dilley and Theo Vaughn, that's the big boy. We just went on Patreon.

Two episodes are on patreon now every month yeah then the thick boy network that all started with and you know this is i was with showtime for five years and you know they this is no shade at all but at the time they had no uh kind of footprint in the digital space podcast or anything like that so they literally built everything around me they bought me my own studio in santa monica and then they had the production team there and i was like oh this is cool and then they didn't know much about podcasts and so they picked everything around me and next thing i know they have their own show here here here i'm looking around like oh damn they wait a minute network yeah so then when my contract was up it's not like i wait till

the day i was like i'm out of here yeah i told him probably a year before i was a k-man you know this is how much i could make on my own doing this yeah so unless you could meet that and then also what it's going to grow into i just gotta go my separate way and they're like yeah we don't have the budget for that so they're like thanks for your time showtime doesn't have the budget yeah you know you're doing good dude it was a good thing at the time i needed showtime i really did you know they were great they're great to me still was that only for fight stuff or all your shit like that was only fight stuff so but out of that studio i'd run firing the kid and king the sting my other stuff but i had to pay rent because you know show times like covering those they had nothing to do with god and then i started food truck uh flashback fight nights with

them and then the shop show which was formerly known as Below the Bell I started that under them but I was smart with it where I created the show but I owned everything they produced it but it was all in my name so when I left

it all came with me so key that's smart I don't think we did that nope but that was a good idea nope we will be starting

from zero if we ever leave starting from zero is scary though though, man. You're goddamn right. Bro. You're goddamn right. We were talking before you came in.

We were just like betting on yourself is not something I'm ever going to do because I don't have the confidence that you have. I don't have the facial hair that you have. That's facial hair that says I'll bet on my fucking self. I guess, dude. I really have a great beard. It looks like a print around of ink. It was like finishing the fucking.

It's not a great beard. I have the worst beard in stand-up no no oh it's stand-up maybe but podcasting in podcasting i would have i would have taken the cake yeah i had a rough one for a while as far as battling yourself though i've always i don't know if it's a confidence thing maybe i'm over confident i believe in myself and my work ethic might be an athlete thing but also like with the special especially for a guy like me like you know i'm a tough sell especially when i first started i had my first specials on showtime so i've gone that route and then this one i had offers from all the big dogs that you know shut my team shot everything then i was like hey here it is fully produced or edited here it is we had offers from all the big boys and i was like man i just for what i do it's good to have that co-sign from those big networks especially for my peers and the fans but i need people the most people possible to see that so

it wouldn't have been able to be put out on youtube if we went to one of those correct right that is the big so it's like do you take the big upfront money and they own everything? Or I launch this new YouTube with Thick Boy and I put it on there and then drive everything. You know, Rogan, Logan Paul, Bert Kreischer, Are You Garbage Boys, Schultzy, KFC, Barstool, and Gary Vee. I'm pushing all that towards my own shit. Like, I don't own anything in Netflix or Amazon or, you know. Unless you, unless the number is fucking out of this world. Agreed. Or if you need it.

I don't think you're hurting right now. If you can afford to take that short-term hit, that's the move. I think in the long run. Especially, like, I mean, it's not like, you know, it's already pushing like half a million views. You know what I mean? It's not like you're desperate for an audience. If you need them, if you need the money, or if the number's crazy, go with it. But otherwise, I think if you know you can push your own views and get it out there and

then get outside that bubble. It's scary, though. Oh, I would imagine. Because you release it, and that thing gets 100,000 views. People are like, nobody watched that. Right, right. You look like an asshole. But also, the optics have changed a little bit because it used to be comics who couldn't get the OK from these big networks were like, go to YouTube.

You know, so that was the optics like the bad comics are doing that. Well, there is there is some I don't say bad, but there are I think there are some some people who are like, I'm going to just take it to YouTube because it's like, well, you have to. That was the only option. Yeah. You didn't have that was the only option. But but there's guys like, you guys like Shane Gillis and Mark Norman. They did it. Monster.

And don't get me wrong. I'm not some Rosa Parks of freaking comedy specials on YouTube. Like, Mark Norman and Shane Gillis blew up off that. For me, again, I'd meet with these big companies. With my team, I'd be like, right, well, what can you guys do for me? And they'd tell me, you know, the billboard and this commercial and stuff. So I go back to my team, like, hey, how much is a billboard? And they tell me, like, that's not terrible.

I go, that's off Hollywood Boulevard? They go, yeah. How much is in Times Square? They tell me, that's not terrible. Are you doing Times Square? Pass on Times Square. Okay. I was about to say.

Dude, see? Billboards can be cool, but also it's like, okay, you can do, like, a billboard for me. Sometimes that's not the advertising I want. Oh, it's also, yeah, it's not 1991. But also, this is why I'd never have me in the room ever during negotiations for anything. Because they'd be like, we'll get a billboard for you. I'd be like, fuck it, I'll be Kramer with coffee.

Like, so? Fuck yeah, a billboard? I'm going to put that on Instagram. It's going to be sick. But most comics are going to be like, my ex-girlfriend's going to see me on a billboard? Hell yeah. Yeah, that's how i was but most comics are like that so the bit the the billboard is such a flex dude it that is

has it equal i think it's cool has it equaled any views is anybody driving down hollywood boulevard like holy shit and then going to watch no no chance i literally did it just for other comics like all these guys promised you this? I did it myself, man. Like, check this out. It's a complete waste of money. That's a vehicle to something else. It was cool Instagram posts.

Exactly. How many people do you think have ever been driving and been like, I'm going to watch that special tonight? Right. That reminds me. That picture looks hilarious. It's always been that way. I was watching, oh, my God, I can't believe I'm forgetting his name.

You love him. Old school. He has, like, a weird was watching um oh my god. I can't believe I'm getting his name You love him old-school does it like a weird voice. Oh my god. I can't we were blanking on this stand up. Yes Seinfeld no he does a bit though about being on on David Letterman, and he's like he's like You know make some noise if you see me on Letterman. He's dead now. Oh my god. I can't I had bird had bird oh He's for some reason You were even saying Weird voice Might be Hedberg Yeah he got that weird

That weird voice Weird delivery And he's like I just was on Letterman You know this week Can anybody see me And it's like dead silent He's like I'm still

Looking for someone He's like it has like 10 million people watch it I never hear anybody In the crowd Nothing You know like it's never So and even something like that

And obviously when he was doing it Letterman was a bigger deal But sometimes These traditional ways of You know, like it's never, so even something like that and obviously when he was doing it, Letterman was a bigger deal but sometimes these traditional ways of, you know, you got to do my morning radio spot. No, I don't. Well,

dude, I'll tweet it out. I'll post it on Instagram and reach 50x what you're going to do. It's such an old school model. I think for some people that works like, you know,

I was going to, I'm like, all right, I'm going to do it myself. I'll bring on like a publicist. So I sat down, this publicist came to think, well, he sat down for like an hour. I'm like, all right, so like what to do it myself. I'll bring on a publicist. So I sat down. This publicist came. We sat down for like an hour.

I'm like, all right, so what exactly can I do? She gives me the list. I'm like, bitch, I'm not Jay Leno. Is it KTLA Morning News? What? I do love when comics go in there and just photo. They buy on purpose. Yeah, that is awesome.

That's fun. Segura and Sam Murillo. Didn't Murillo talk about getting molested or something? They were like, oh, Keith. Yeah, that is awesome. That's fun. Segura and San Marillo. I was going to say Marillo. I was going to say Marillo. Didn't they all talk about getting molested or something? Yeah. They were like, oh, gee. Yeah, like, okay. Yeah. It's just old school, man.

But, again, for some people, that works. For me, I was like, this is what I have lined up. And she's like, oh, Jesus Christ. I don't know if we can beat that. I'm like, all right. Well, thank you for your time. Yeah. Have fun.

Yeah. And even we put together decks and stuff here to go out to clients. And our main booker will like, they'll put the, you know, KFC Radio has some of the best guests including, and they list all these people who are like, you know, they're prominent actors and stuff. But I'm like, take that out. Put in Brennan Shaw. Put in Burt Kreischer. Put in Tom Segura.

Put in like, you know, those guys. You actually get eyeballs. It's like, this guy was A great actor in 1985 Yes And that was very cool That we talked to him That's not who I want Headlining like

Who my What my show is about You don't tune into a podcast To listen to that Right Cause you know It's its own world now I say we've

I think podcasts have kind of become Like the newer At least for A-list celebrities Right there are people who podcast Such as yourself Who know how to podcast Who know to come on And have a conversation

And all that shit And then there are like Celebrities who come on And they expect it to be question answer question answer and it's like that's not what we're doing here dude they just don't know how did you get your start yeah dude i'm firing the kid firing the kid we got to some point probably i don't know you remember firing kids 10 years old we were doing it before everyone their gay aunt was doing it and so you know we're one of the staples. But there came a time, like probably four years, five years in, someone got in Callan's ear because, you know, he was in Hollywood.

He's like, we need a booker. I'm like, I don't know. Sure, if that's what you think. And they're bringing these actors, like big-name actors, but they come on the show, the worst guest of all time. They're not open to anything. They don't want to riff. They don't want to joke.

To your point, it was like, well, I got my start at Juilliard I'm like I don't give a shit yeah yeah how's the chicks man what's your take on abortion bro whoa whoa whoa whoa so you ever get an abortion Roby wait that's just wow they're agents in the room well that Amber Heard must be a real tomcat, am I right? You ever ran into her? You ever had anybody shit in your bed? Cut, cut. There's no cut. And then afterwards you get all the emails being like, can you cut this, this, this?

I'm like, this will be a seven minute episode. This will be the intro and outro. I hate that. Can you just leave the part where they plug what they're showing? And even that, when people are like, you didn't plug the thing we're talking about, it's like, you don't have to. They watch it, they like it, then they search you, they follow you, then they find it. We don't have to do, at this time, on this network, and blah, blah, blah.

It's like, they just have not. And the people, the guests who do open up, because sometimes you get the perfect blend of, you are an A-lister and you do chop it up. Very rare. Very rare. You're a super megastar because that's what people want to hear. I think the sooner that people, and even the guys who do open up, they still, you can't be like, yo, so Brad Pitt, you ever been in a gangbang? But the day that we can and the day that some of those guys do and women do do that, those people.

It's never coming though because one person says. Because they'll always got to protect it. One person says something. Like Matt Damon was on a podcast. I had an armchair or something. It said something. And then Hollywood comes for it. So they're like, oh, fuck. They're like politicians now.

I do get that. Cancel culture. They're scaring everybody. Like Leonardo DiCaprio. I was talking about this the other night. I have no idea what he's like. I know he's in The Reverend and fucking Titanic. Right, but you have no...

I bet you he wouldn't be a good interview. Unless he was like, let's talk about the Pussy Posse. Let's go. See, that's what I'm talking about. Who did Vice Max? Did we talk to someone recently who was in the Pussy Posse? Kevin Connolly. Yeah, yeah.

And even he was like... When I brought it up, he was like, fuck. I thought I was going to get through this. They don't like it. Even Kevin Connolly. Kevin Connolly's the fucking man But Kevin Connolly's not willing to talk about it Cause he says like

Everything You know it's like Why do you guys It's when you were like 20 And in Hollywood Of course you were fucking chicks But I guess people were gonna be You know you're

Objectifying women I think Harry Styles Just had like a kind of cool quote About that Where he's like I'm tired of Doing like Pretending I don't I'm 26 I'm a single 26 year old guy yeah i fuck snap yeah men women whatever

i do it all i'm harry did he say men i was just saying i knew it there's certain guys we always said like lenny kravitz i think harry styles in that list they just fuck everybody this is they're in a room and they're not even bisexual, fuck. They're not even bisexual. Dude, this is my theory on that, and I'm not hating on it. I think guys like John Mayer, Lenny Kravitz, Harry Styles, Jared Leto, they fucked so many chicks for so many years. Finally, it's like vanilla ice cream to them every fucking day. It's like french fries, and they're like, I can't even get up for this anymore. We've got to mix it up, man.

And their handler's like, what do you mean mix it up? Like, that young boy who's over here the other day. Who's president of Epstein's Island now? To me, it's like, are they gay or are they just bored? There's nothing else. Gay or bored is a great segment.

Yeah, gay or bored. Gay or bored. I get it. I don't have the Ability to fuck as many humans Well not that I fuck robots either But like when I'm looking at porn When I'm looking at porn I get fucking bored of regular porn I gotta experiment

Get some weird shit And then fucking if I was If I had the access to pussy That I have to porn I'd probably do the same thing with pussy I don't judge. Also, nobody can relate. I was like, wait, hold on. So many girls

start sucking dick? Yeah, dude. There's like four guys in Hollywood who are like, yeah. And one would be like, God, that's gay. Really? I fucked three million chicks. It's literally the straightest thing you can do. You get sick of pussy.

If you think that analogy is really is. Get sick of pussy. If you think, that analogy really is perfect, because when you go on, like, Harry Styles' life is going on Pornhub. And so, he fucked, like, all these girls, it's the same old, like, watch a girl get fucked doggie style forever. And now he's into, like, Trini. Yeah. He's going down a weird road. What's he girls up to tonight?

I'm telling you. I'm telling you. Dude, Eddie Murphy did the same thing back in the day. He's been going on forever, right? That's right. Robert Dowdy Jr. A lot of these guys back then, everyone's like, that's ridiculous. But now that we know a little more about it, if it was me and Harry Styles, I don't know,

in the Hamptons, and me and him, whatever, connect. We're there, and there's a bottle of wine. Start rubbing each other's shoulders. Not even rubbing my shoulder. We're talking about fashion or whatever. And he's like, dude, I like your tight jeans. I'm like, oh, thanks. That means a lot to me, man. And then he's like, your sneakers are cool.

I'm like, cool. And then he just explains to me how he's fucked so many girls that sucking dick's not gay. I could be like, I get it, dude. Whitney Cummings always has a story that I've heard her tell on multiple podcasts where she said, like, very famous actor, friend of hers, who's a dude, got, like, paid for a blowjob from a dude. And he was like, you'll never go back after that. He was like, it's such good head. You'll never want head from a straight chick again.

Yeah, that's a gay man. I was kind of like, oh, I'll take your word for it. yeah that's a gay man I was gonna like I'll take your word for it but that's cool man that's cool that was him his entire life fighting his gayness and he was the third round I do always down 2018 you know the same way we always say like uh you know we can give a better hand job than chicks like the guy I don't know if I do that I disagree I don't know if I agree with that it I disagree. I don't know if I agree with that. Because it's the angle. It's like my hand. If I'm doing a no, I'm like, I don't fucking know.

There are times I'll be giving myself a handjob, and I'll just tilt it up. Because you know how... Oh, the angle. We call that jerking off. Because usually when you jerk it off, it's kind of like leaning back at you. Yeah, there's an angle. And then when you pull it up like a girl would have it, you're like, whoa, okay, that's a different thing. But you haven't gotten left hand? I don't really.

I've done it in dire times. I've done it in times where I was so fucking yipped out where I just couldn't come. And so I'd have to switch it. I'd have to go right hand. Because I'm a lefty. So I've switched before, but I just don't have. I don't have the hand-eye coordination.

At least. It's too hard. So to me, it's like jerking off another dude. It's like jerking yourself off left-handed. It's like, I don't know the angle, dude. I don't know what you're into. I don't know what to say. I'm gonna say some really raunchy shit. That's what I'm saying, though. If you're gay, right, and you're with a guy

who's similar to you, you would know what to say, and you would know what to do, because you know what fucking works for you and your dick. You know what I mean? Chances are all of us guys are knowing what we're fucking into. Everyone's a little different though.

Yeah, of course a little different. But you know there's some basics of where to fucking do this and do that. If I start treating some dude like I treat myself, he might not be into it. You don't know, man.

I mean, guys are weird. Hey guys, poor chicks, man. I slap him in the face and that's what I like. Hey real quick are we all gay? That's what happens on this show

pretty frequently. Did we just all three come out? When you were there's a part of Gringo Poppy where you talk about quarantining

with the homies. Where as like when you're with the family it's like I'm going to blow your brain out. But we were just talking about it on our show a couple weeks ago. Like,

if you got the choice of having sex with a chick or making the homies laugh, everyone was like, the homies. Oh, yeah. And his bit in it is about like, you start fucking too at the end.

Yeah. And I was like, that would, you know, yeah. Yeah. Bro, two years is a long time, man.

A lot of people have been down for a long time. Bro, that bit went south in certain parts of the country. I bet it did. Dude, I was in Kentucky doing that bit went south in certain parts of the country. I bet it did. Dude, I was in Kentucky doing that bit. There's a guy, you know, the meet and greet, the VIP have the front row.

So I come out. It's this little club in Kentucky. And the front, these guys are in, I mean, I sell merch. These fucking, the thick boy bike club hat, the whole getup, some shit. I'm like, we make that? They might have made it themselves or grandma's made it. They're in head hat, the whole getup, some shit. I'm like, we make that? They might have made it themselves or grandma's made it. They're in head to toe, both of them, head to toe. So the thing's going well.

I see them laughing, they're drinking, whatever. And then I get to that bit. And I always point to somebody. I go, dude, you know how much better it'd be being locked down with the bros? Let me sell it to you. Those guys just having me in front of them. I go, like you two. And they're like, yeah.

I'm like, right on, man. Think about this. We'd like work out all day. They're like, yeah. I'm like, right on, man. Think about this. We'd, like, work out all day. They're like, yeah. I'm like, we'd, like, play video games. Play video games? Like, Fortnite. I'm like, okay, sure.

Fortnite. And I go in there that night. We'd fuck each other. Crowd goes nuts. These two redneck Kentucky boys were not. I can't even laugh at a gay joke, man. That's how fucking straight I am. Bro, it was the closest thing I've had to Will Smith, Chris Rock's lap.

Really? He stands up, goes, enough with the gay shit. And I go, what? In the middle of the show, I go, excuse me? That's right. Enough with the gay shit. We've had enough. We didn't come here for this.

I'm like, I go, hold on, hold on. Enough is enough. I go, dude, you know how I know you two are the gayest in the room? Because you're offended by these gay jokes. So he starts coming to walk on stage. And then that's where I flip that. The old Aurora Brendan comes out. And I was like, hey, dude.

Please do it. Hey, dude, I'm telling you, bro. It would be a terrible idea for you to touch a stage. You get closer, man. I'm going to fuck you up in front of all these people. Do front of you every dream of that never I don't want to do that Okay, if so, I would that's what they want of all the people to rush the stage with the comments I mean you would probably last one right these guys Brian math Oh, which case might be tough night to be you dude

To rednecks on math. Yeah, how about that? Brendan Shaw versus two rednecks on math who wins I? Still I still think you actually do win. I think I would win. But I think you're going to claw your eyes out. Oh, it's like fighting two fucking down lines. It'd be a beast, man. It'd be a beast.

Yeah, in certain parts of the country, those gay bits get dicey. Which is just so crazy. It's like, just fucking laugh, dude. I'm not going to put my dick in your mouth. Relax. Unless you want to. I don't know. But if that offends you, it's like just fucking laugh dude. I'm not gonna put my dick in your mouth relax unless you want to I don't know But that offends you it's like holy do you have you ever so gay life enough of the gay shit enough is enough Good up. Do you have footage of that? No that being no we didn't have the video

I would love I do I was so pissed cuz I went in the back after the show cuz that was the first show I'm like Jesus Christ I come to the back and I'm like I'm yelling at my team, like, where the fuck's security? And this old black lady's like, you're looking at it, sweetie. I'm like, your security? That's what's so funny. Somebody shoots me. I got it.

When you guys travel, you'll do some of the highest of highs, fucking theaters, arenas, clubs, whatever, and then the fucking laugh house in the middle of Idaho or some shit. We'll get dicey. If I saw, this kind of goes to the not betting on yourself stuff, but if I saw that that was my security guard, I'd be like, all right, we'll take that out of the next act. We'll skip that. We're going to dial this down a little bit.

And then at night we'll get hookers with pussies. Yeah, at night we're going to have chicks pussies Yeah at night we're gonna have Chicks come through man Vaginas to have sex with We're gonna try to fuck so many girls We start fucking each other right Just showing each other technique This is how I do it

It's not gay it's my left hand I heard this is one of the cockier flexes i've ever heard and i learned about from you is being in the ferrari club or whatever the fuck it's called dude you have to be like in the what is it called legitimately what's it called you have to get yeah it's basically being the ferrari club to get allocated a flower yeah you can't just like buy a ferrari no you can but you pay like what twice the price Dependent on the model Probably 150 to 300 grand over at least Until you're on the list

As like a Ferrari guy And then you're allowed to borrow it Buy it as regular price And he just happened to end up talking to the head Of North America Ferrari didn't know it Came to the show yeah He was just talking about how he loves Ferraris And he was talking so genuine. But I was on the waiting list.

And he was talking so genuine. Yeah, I was on the waiting list. The next day he gets the call. You're on the list. Like, you've been allocated. Because you just didn't know you were talking to the head of North America. No, I had no clue. So it was coming through like so genuine being like, oh, I love this model and that model.

That's crazy. So now he's like in. I mean, that. And like you said, then it becomes a business. I'm the poorest guy on the list. I would imagine. I would imagine there's some other members who are like, get this riffraff out of here. Yeah, like, what is he doing here, man?

Was this make or live? Have you seen his beard? Yeah, was he going to die in 30 days? Can I buy his car? Yeah. But like you said, that becomes a business then, right? Because it's almost like, you know, you have this. It's an investment, yeah.

100%. All my cars are investments, yeah. No, I mean, I have a Bronco, but that thing even, you know, especially now, it's the first edition Bronco. Like, you can flip those and make money. The old school one or the new one?

The new one. I was the first one on the West Coast to get the first edition Bronco. Are you a big car guy? It seems like it, yeah. And I heard you saying, I think it was on Bert's show, that your dad's thing was always the Porsche.

Porsche was like the... If I can buy a Porsche, that means I made it in America. Yeah, that your dad's thing was always the Porsche. Porsche was like the- If I can buy a Porsche, that means I made it in America. Yeah, you made it. I made it. Yep, yep. So that was in your blood. As soon as I could, as soon as I started getting enough money through comedy, I leased a 911 Porsche. I thought my dad would be like, oh my God.

But he was like, cool. My friend has four of them. God damn, Dad. All right. So then with my insecurities i'm like oh say less dude the 911 was your dream very cool check this out bitch and i uh finally found like the ultimate porsche which is a gt2 rs with the y-shock package it's like it's a race car it's a fucking race car so i got that i was like what's up now bitch bitch? What did he say to that? He doesn't use emojis.

He just sent the thumb up. You didn't give him a call, just a text. What's up, bitch? Things are good, man. You get the three dots and he just disappears. This is why I struggle with my gayness. Thanks, dad. There's only one man's love I need

I'm gonna find it man However many guys I have to go through What would you say is your Favorite thing that you do Versus like your number one priority Number one priority is being a dad That's like I know that's cheesy to say You don't understand Like I've never and versus like your number one priority. Well, no more priorities being a dad. That's like, well, like this.

And I know that's cheesy to say, you don't understand. Like I've never, this is the longest I left my seven days. Longest I've ever been away from my kids. Yeah. I have horrible anxiety about it. Dude.

Horrible. It's like, it's ruining my experience. Yeah. I honestly, like I, so I'm divorced and you know, usually people do like the Wednesday and every other weekend.

And I was like that there's too many days. So we made up our own schedule where it's like, I have them basically, we split the weekend every other day. I have them on a Thursday night and then I make sure on Tuesday, Wednesday, I go to drop them off at school. I'm always making sure I'm there and not, of course it's like for them, but it's also for me. Cause if I go like several days without it, I'm not going to be, I'm not thinking, you

know, it just fucks with me thinking you know I'll get physically ill kind of silly because I'm sure they'll be there are plenty of good parents who are on the road yeah whatever yeah or not but yeah keep going yeah but you know they're I mean like we know people in music who go on on tour and I think they're really good dads but I'm also like you're also gone for months at a time and that's and I get it're really good dads, but I'm also like, you're also gone for months at a time. And that's cool. I couldn't do it. And I get it, teach their own, like if that's what the kids are accustomed to. But it's like, I was talking to Bert about this, like, and it might affect my career at some point. Cause I told Bert, cause Bert's like, shit, I leave for a month today, man. And he, and he was like, you know, I've missed out on so, so much of my kids growing

up. And he's like, I have that guilt and I struggle with it. I'm like, I get that. But whatever works for you, man, like, you know, I struggle with it. I'm like, I get that. But whatever works for you, man, like, you know, the kids appreciate it. Like you can lead by example. I get all that.

I I'm not that I'm not wired that way. And it might hurt my career eventually. Cause I told Bert this, I said like, if I got, and I'm not even an actor, but let's say they were like, Hey,

we want you to be the next Batman. We, we, here's the role. You're the next Batman. Do whatever you gotta do. Get shredded. Here's all the steroids in the world.

We can give you $40 million, but you're filming in fucking Belarus're the next Batman Do whatever you gotta do Get shredded Here's all the steroids in the world We can give you 40 million dollars But you're filming in fucking Belarus For the next 8 months And your kids can't come I ain't the next Batman dude I can't do it There's no amount of money in the world But they would let your kids come right though?

Is that a thing? I don't know I feel like there was I was reading an article I think it was like Matt Damon maybe And they were filming something That's also Matt Damon

But if you're the Batman, if they're like, we're going to make you Batman. Obviously, I know we're doing it hypothetically. But I think on most sets, they'd probably like to bring the kids. But what the fuck do I know? I feel like it's also different

when they're older, I might be able to. Or maybe, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe when they're older is when you really need them. But when it's like, if they're a teenager

and they're like, go be Batman, Dad. We'll FaceTime. Teenagers are different. I think they understand why you're done. There's ways to still talk and they're like, go be Batman, Dad. We'll FaceTime. Teenagers are different. I think they understand like why you're done. There's ways to still talk and connect. Dude, two and six? But when they're babies, yeah.

Two and six. And here's the thing. I wish I could fucking freeze them because it's the best time ever. I'm gone for seven days. When I come back, my two-year-old, he's learning new words and fucking – it's crazy. So quick. Speaking Spanish and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, fuck. Dude, we – this is a different level. I don't see my dad every seven days anymore. But we went on vacation like three weeks ago. And while we were on vacation, my mom and my sisters went on vacation. I love that, by the way. The boys went to Paris. You went where?

Me, my dad, and my brother went to Jamaica. My mom and my two sisters went to Paris. Oh, yeah, it's rich, rich. That's cool. That's cool. I can't relate at all, but yeah, that's cool. Wow, Jesus Christ. While we were there, my dad – so they left – we left on a Tuesday.

They left on a Friday, and they were gone for a week. We came back that Sunday. So while we were there, my dad's just kind of like – we're sitting at dinner. My dad's kind of staring off into the distance and he's like he's like this will be the first time in 45 years I didn't see your mom for seven days and I was like I was like that's fucking weird dude did he start crying he didn't start crying but I was like I was like he was like let's go I was like that a fucking, that's a long ass. You realize your dad's wild as shit.

He's like, let's get hawkers. Let's fuck guys. I'm in dad. Oh man. No, but I guess professionally I should ask you. So like, is it, is it this show, that show, stand up, the network, building other people's producing. Are you still doing like fashion stuff with E? That was cool for a while.

No, it was fun. No, I'm not. You got to get you the Met Gala, Poppy. We got to get you up there. I know, right? We were just earnestly breaking down Met Gala outfits. I love it. We started like joking around about it.

Jared Leto always comes with the heat. He looked like a supervillain or something. I don't even know what that is. No, that wasn't him. I heard it was a doppelganger. Well, that was not Jared Leto. That's not he. He looks like a supervillain or something. Yeah. I don't even know what that is. You know that wasn't him. I heard it was a doppelganger. Yeah. What? That was not Jared Leto.

That's not him. In the metal thing? No, it's just a designer who looks like him. No, no, no, no. You guys are talking about different things. No, we're not. He had two different outfits. He had an outfit change.

Bro. Did you see the picture of him with his twin? No, that's not the twin. I know what you're talking about. That guy in that weird thing, which, you know. No, that was Leto, right? I'm a big Jared Leto fan. Like, dude, if I'm going to have a bottle of wine and go gay, it's with Jared Leto.

Yeah. But I'm telling you, that's not him. This is what people are talking about. Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. That guy doesn't look like him. Yeah, they look alike. I mean, but that dude's famous, too.

Sure, that guy might be famous. The guy in the silver was not Jared Leto? No. Oh, wow. Okay. So he had multiple lookalikes. Crazy Jared Leto no crazy which is like such a flex but like the east of the Bravo when I first kind of like touch that's you know that's so Hollywood so I'm doing the Academy Awards the Oscars the

Grammys and I'm in like these dope suits that made me realize like that this I don't really fit in here because remember it would be like a christine uh cavallari and like all these you know people personalities they had me there it's the comedy relief the thing is like a lot of this stuff is like weird and they're like looking up these people and i remember when i got fired dude little uzi vert was like walking by and they're like oh my god and he you know he looked ridiculous and i start lighting him up on live air. And the producer's like, dude, what are you doing? And it got back to him and he passed on the interview. He did a super short interview because I was lighting him up.

Really? And then I was just like, I got to do me, man. The Lady Gaga walks by and they're talking about it. I feel bad for it. And I'm just being what I do, man. And then they're like, man, that's not what we do, dude. And I was like, that's what I do, though. But particularly because that whole red carpet segment,

really, at least, I don't know if it was born of, but at least gained popularity through Joan Rivers. She would light people up. You know, at the time, was that 2018? Like, times have changed. That's true. And I'm the one straight white male on the show, dressed like an asshole.

Yeah, but you can pass. You can pass. Maybe they didn't see this video they'll hire you back you're a Latino passing straight white male unless it's Harry Styles in the Hamptons

am I right Harry no but yeah so so you're I can understand the notes I got I was just like oh this

you can't you can't put but what they should have done was like have a segment then with you be like normal normal takes

from the Met Gala you know what I mean like for the normal people watching who think this is ridiculous you go that's actually that's a good idea it's like what people say about the olympics that like in the olympic events they should have a regular person also participate just so you can understand the difference but that's also what they remember they're doing will ferrell and uh was it tina fey or something doing the commentating for the o? You remember that? Yeah. It was like a side thing. You could listen to them. Listen, it's the same shit that I do with Calabasas Fight Campaign or me and Joe Rogan used to do with Fight Campaign.

You can listen to the experts where they're not comedy relief, or you can listen to us. We might talk about the fights, or we're going to talk about an octopus for five hours. You never know what you're going to get. But people dig both. But there's definitely a lane for it. Dude, what you guys do

with Ruff and Rowdy, there's lanes for that. They're doing Canelo this weekend. That's huge, man. They're wild. But there's lanes for that and hopefully these suits

realize that. Some people don't want such a stuck up... Slowly, slowly. Oh, it's such a beast. You know what we need is people from our generation to be old enough

to be like the CEOs. That's what's going to happen. When people right now in their 30s and 40s are in their 65 years old, they run ESPN. They run ABC. They run whatever. And they're like, yeah, that's funny. Yeah. Whatever.

That's good. Yeah, let's just have a regular guy. Yeah. Because right now it's still. Also, I say that. And then it's like, if you drop me in right now today and made me a CEO for $40 million a year somewhere, I'd be like, I'm not rocking the boat. Let's just go with the professionals who broadcast. A hundred percent.

If I'm the head of Disney right now, it's going to be a nightmare. The shit I say. Listen, as a comic, all the years of podcasts, I've talked some shit, dude, trying to make my friends laugh. But if you take it out of context, I can't be the next Batman. Because as soon as they announce it, my bugs on there all these dudes are gonna come after me we have a library of shit but I got like three specific tweets that always make the rounds that when you know why don't you just delete them I did the screen oh you know those are deleted I thought you were doing like I

don't delete I stand by I did for guess what I don't stand by anything I've ever said yeah you get mad about it sorry yeah I'm quick I I don't delete. I stand by. I did for a while. Because guess what? I don't stand by anything I've ever said. You get mad about it, sorry. I'm quick. I don't give a fuck. It depends what you want, especially as a comic. You got to be careful getting over in that Hollywood lane. If you get up there, you better be fucking pretty clean, dude. But also, I think it's fun if you have the money and the fans to fall back on.

Like, yeah, I'll do it. Let me give me a shot. And if I get fired over it, so be it. Agreed. But I also have friends who are super famous and I'll look at them like, oh, I don't want that life. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was like, oh, let's go get a beer or let's go to the coffee. I can come with my nine security guards. I'm like, I don't want that. What the fuck are you talking about? Let's go get a coffee. That's like having the waiter next to you.

I hate going out. This has been my whole the waiter next to you. I hate going out. This has been my whole life. Stop, period. I hate going out. It's not about that we have some notoriety now. It's just like I hate when a waiter, like I'm in the middle of a story. Why the fuck are you? And they're just doing their job.

I'm not actually angry at them. But when a waiter comes over and I just shut up right away. No matter what I'm talking about, I'm like, I stopped talking. Because they might be listening. Yeah, who knows? And again, I've done that when I was in high school. I've done that my whole life. So if I had just nine bodyguards around me, I'd be about, I'm like, I stopped talking. Because they might be listening. And again, I've done that when I was in high school. I've done that my whole life. So if I had this nine bodyguards around me, I'd be like, well, I'm just never talking.

Yeah, because you never know. I'm a quiet man. I mean, the ability to just go get a beer or do whatever I think is vastly underrated by people where they're like, oh, I want to be rich. I want to be famous. And it's like... But there's levels to it. You want a fan base where I always say this like

especially my crew like we have a following and we're in our lane we're famous but we're not famous famous

like most people don't know some people act like if they run into us they act like they're they sell the Beatles you know what I mean

and then other people are like who the fuck are you that's what you want you want to have the fan base where you have a business as long as you're rich if you're rich.

If you're making money, yeah. Because you gotta, like, fame without the money and the comfort and being able to pay for your family and shit is worthless. Which we had for a while. A long time.

They were like, they were probably just getting to the point where it's, you know, like, kind of worth it. There were seven years where it was just like, it was like almost a decade.

I'm making like 65 grand, guys. What are we doing here? We're gonna be alone. When people, like, offered to buy drinks drinks i had to take them up on it because i couldn't afford my own drink you're all i would love that dude i want to buy you a beer like please do because also like you know and it's nobody's fault but like fans they assume because you're on here and sparse to like you're mega rich or even for me when i was fighting the ufc or firing kid first pop you're not rich if you're in the UFC. Unless you're Conor McGregor.

So people assume you're rich and then they see you jump in a fucking Toyota Tercel. They're like, Jesus Christ. Be cool, man. Right now, my car is in the shop. But even my car that's in the shop is a Hyundai. So it's not like I'm like, put the Ferrari away. But you're not a car guy. No, but I'm also, I should probably have better than a fucking Hyundai right now. not like I'm like, put the Ferrari away. But you're not a car guy. No, but I'm also,

I should probably have better than a fucking Hyundai right now. But so while I'm dealing with these parts that are coming from overseas, like there's more problems than usual. Yeah. So my insurance ran out

on the rental car, yada, yada. Long story short, my uncle's like, you can borrow a car of mine for the time being and it's a 12-year-old Toyota Prius. Hell yeah.

And I'm getting some stop. People are seeing me, and they're like, yo, KFC. You're like, bro, what are they paying you over there? You're a 10-year-old Prius? Bro, you got a 2010 Prius? 2010 Prius. I got memories of 2010 Prius. 2010 Prius is my favorite.

Hey, you want to go get it? Let's do it in the back of a Toyota Prius. 2010 exclusively. Is there anybody at Barstool who flexes a little bit? Hey, you want to go gay? Let's do it in the back of a Toyota Prius. 2010 exclusively. Yo. Is there anybody at Barstool who flexes a little bit? All you guys are pretty humble. Yeah. Nobody's really flashy.

You guys wear, you know what I'm saying? Nobody really. Do you know Dave? I know Dave. Oh, okay. Is there anyone at Barstool who flexes? But he's always kind of been that. I'm saying like new money, new rich.

You know what I'm saying? Where you're like. Well, there's only a couple guys who have new money. We'll find out. I don't think – I mean I will – Like there's no guy in the office who's like, damn, Billy, where'd you get the gold chain? You know, with diamonds. I don't think so.

No, everyone's pretty – it's really not your culture. It's not your guys' vibe. Next year I finally get my equity money from Barstool and that will be the first time I have money. And we'll find out. But I really don't think i'll like i'm not a car guy i don't really like watches like i don't know what i like sneakers but i already i already i spent a lot of money on sneakers kind of as a fire yeah um but like and even like how i'd rather have like a smaller house that's like tricked out in a way with like

everything we're not stressed out with a big mortgage. Yeah, yeah. But it's all very nice on the inside. But how old are you? I'm 37. 37, and how old are you? 33. Yeah, so also, like, you guys, it's not like, you know, if you're an NBA fucking draft pick. You go from 19 to 20, and you're making, whatever, 400 mil.

We're like, holy shit. You're older, man. No. Your priorities are different. You got kids. If you were young and you got rich i did i've never wanted for anything like there's like i never had a materialistic guy nothing i know i'm super materialistic yeah real fucking okay you just say you never wanted it like but like there's nothing because he had it there's never there's nothing i forgot yeah there's never like there's never anything like I grew up where I was like I need to have that

When I get older That's because you had it But yeah I feel you To an extent You're right to an extent Yeah There's nothing wrong with that You can't help that

I don't know who's gonna Judge you off that I mean I was eating Yeah I mean I was eating Fucking peanut butter and jelly You're having caviar

You know it's like That's your You can't control it. You're a kid. Who gives a fuck? Sneakers kind of was that thing for me. What did you say? Sneakers kind of was that thing for me like when I was a kid.

Me too. It was a pair of Jordans I wanted. My mom wouldn't buy them. I couldn't afford them. And then when I could, I – but those are still sneakers. At the most, even if you buy some lavish shit that are a couple thousand dollars, I don't – Three grand at the most. I don't have anything that's – I'm not going to go buy,

I'm not a boat guy. I'm not a major car guy. I'll have nicer stuff, but I don't think, but I don't know, he's a famous last words. Maybe I'll become a fucking, you know,

rich asshole. I think you're going to get a necklace. A necklace? Yeah, I think Kevin's going to get a necklace. I'm not a, I've always been a necklace guy. I tried to wear watches.

The only watch I wear is movement watches. But the wrist. They start at $95. No higher than $135. Join the movement today. I've tried because I would love to rock like a nice Rolex, but I physically don't like having shit on my wrists and my hands. I tried to be a necklace guy for a little bit in high school.

But then I had tits and i still have tits so it would like fall into my cleavage yeah it's like come on man it's fall between your people come by like they wouldn't know what they were looking at like oh no that's a guy's tits never mind were you uh you're a chubby kid no no No, just a set of tits Yeah, you just had tits I've seen pictures of it Just a set of tits Nah, I mean, I wasn't like a fucking shredding kid Oh, it's on account of the steroids

But it was Is it gyno? I did Yeah, yeah I did steroids for like a little bit Oh, really? Yeah, yeah Like a little Russian windstroll for the boys

And uh Yeah, sure This guy Yeah You went You went PEDs for the Tough Mudder or whatever, right? Yeah, I blew out both hamstrings. What did you take?

I had some people relying on me, man. I went dark, dude. Whatever the rock's on, I was on that. Yeah. Do you remember that story? He tried to race his buddy, Chappelle, and blew out both his hamstrings. Trying to just race. My buddy's like, dude, warm up.

I'm like, you ever seen a lion warm up that much? Lion doesn't stretch before he gets his prey. Yeah, but also, I'm 38, dude. You ever seen an old-ass lion? They can't run, bro. Yeah, that's a good point. I wish somebody would have said that. Dude, I haven't got out of third gear in years, dude.

I thought I still had it, and my body's like, oh, no, buddy. It felt like a sniper went dude and then i think like two weeks later i have to do that tough mutter here's the thing about the tough mutter if it was just me i'd be like yeah both my hands are gonna blow the fuck out get out of here but remember it's called thick mutter i have my own race i have my own my fans come so 500 people signed up so if don't, and we're selling merch and all this shit and all this marketing, you know, and I'm signed with rain energy drink. So it's like all this shit.

I don't show up. So dude, I went full Russian gymnast. I'm talking dark shit. And when I was taking it. I know it's like for business and fans, not Tough Mudder, but it's funny to say I did steroids for Tough Mudder. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm a maniac. I mean, I was in Mudder. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a maniac. I mean, I was in first place. Yeah. Dude, I'm talking, I'm injecting a needle this big into my hamstring. I'm having a doctor come over. I'm fucking doing all this crazy shit. And now that steroids, like, fixes the injury? Sure, you just don't, like, you feel it and you just go.

That's Andy Pettit's idea. He did it did it for recovery right yeah yeah a little bit of both injury is different than recovery like or was there a hand strength just like back together uh it was it got me to the point where i could do a light jog which i can make it through i mean when you were first you were on fucking crutches i could have the first three days i couldn't walk i was like oh that's what was the time from the from the the hamstring to the mudder? Two weeks. Two weeks? Jesus.

Bro, steroids are dope. Now are you all good now? I'm all good. I ran another Tough Mudder. I ran another Tough Mudder like two weeks ago. Just don't ever sprint ever again. No. No.

Papa, don't. At 30, there's no. Fourth, fifth gear is gone, dude. I'm like your fucking 2000 Prius. You got to keep it in that neutral, buddy. I got a rule now. I don't leave the dude. I'm like your fucking 2000 Prius. You've got to keep it in that neutral, buddy. I've got a rule now. I don't leave the ground. I'm not jumping.

I'm not jumping off of shit. I'm not doing – I stay on the ground. There's no dunking. And it's all like – After Tom, I was like, nope. It's all an ego thing. That's because you tried to jump, dude. That's when I decided to stop dunking too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. It's all an ego thing. But the problem is – One kid or more two you have a six-year-old man almost a five-year-old oh so yeah so at six and two like my six-year-old he's in jiu-jitsu you know so and he has friends who their dads might have done some athletic something like that but even in jiu-jitsu yeah i don't have an ego without i don't have

anything but he'll come in and be like dad my, my instructor, man, he's a black belt. Yeah, he is. He's like, do you have your black belt? I'm like, do I? Are you out of your fucking – yeah, dude. And then – which it's interesting because I've never physically been handed my black belt. I earned it in the UFC choking out Matt Mitrione, but no one ever physically gave me a black belt. You don't actually have it. So he's like – So they asked me –

No, you don't, Dad. No, you don't. Yeah. So I remember my coach probably, I don't know, a year ago, Henzo Gracie called me, and then my coach in Denver called me. He was like, dude, we've had your black belt in our office for fucking six years. Come get it.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, whatever, dude. I'm telling dick jokes. I don't give a fuck. But then when my son came to jiu-jitsu, and he's like, you know, Dad, look at these guys. I'm like, do you know how to do these fucking guys? guys and then he has no idea i will fucking kill your instructor right now i would choke out all of them but you can't deal with your son so but my thing is i never want to lie to him so he's like give your black belt i'm like no i mean not physically but you have no idea

what you're dealing with dude so rendering a world of son. This is a road you don't want to go down. So then he goes through the class the whole time. I'm just like, motherfucker. So we get in the car, and I call my coach. I haven't talked to him in, I don't know, four years or some shit like that. He texts me about my black belt. So I call him. He goes, Sean?

I go, what's up, coach? Hey, listen, you still have that black belt? He's like, dude, yeah, we've been waiting, man. You just got to come get it. I go. You can't mail it? They have to be there or something? You have to do it in person.

Because there's a ceremony. You got to roll with all the other black belts. So I go, it's still there? He goes, yeah. I go, I'll be there Friday at noon. I call my brother. I'm like, book two flights to fucking Denver tomorrow morning. That's actually something.

Not much is going to get me out of bed to go travel, to go pick something up. But a black belt might be it. it. I flew my son down there, rolled with other black belts, got my black belt. I was like, there you go, you little bitch. Should have taken it and thrown it in the trash in front of him. That's right. I don't even give a fuck about this, son. What's up now, dude? You know who else got a black belt? This kid over here.

That's right. Oh, do you? Yeah. I had to type on down until I was like 14. Black belt. Sorry, Papa. Black belt. Sorry, dude. You and him, same guy. I respect him as much as I respect you.

That's it, dude. That makes sense, man. That makes sense. Saying you have a black belt in Taekwondo, karate, be like, oh, I went to college. I have a degree. Where, where'd you get yours? Harvard. Where'd you get yours? Phoenix, EDU.

When he first told me about that, I did not get it. I still don't really get it. I'm like, wait, wait, wait. I'm like, so you had a black belt at 14, and it's the same kind of black belt other people have? And I'm sure you're a badass. Listen. When it comes to taekwondo,

so in martial arts, it's like taekwondo, judo. You can get your black belt in around two years, even a year. Jiu-jitsu, unless you're a fucking savant, free. Minimum 10 years. Just the different challenges of different... It's just such a commitment. Jiu-jitsu, unless you're a fucking savant, free. Minimum 10 years. Why? Just the different challenges of different... It's just such a commitment. In order to have a legit black belt...

But is that because the jiu-jitsu community is just, they hold it tighter, you got to do more shit? No. To get that good, it's going to take that long. To actually master the art... So it's just a harder martial art thing. Yeah. Because it's just a different world. It's like a creative writing degree

versus an astrophysics degree. Sure. Yeah, have you ever seen, like, in Seinfeld when fucking Kramer's, like, man, I'm dominating the fucking taekwondo. I hit my black belt. Yeah, they come and he's just beating up kids. That's taekwondo in a nutshell, yeah.

This is coming from my dad's, like, whatever. Well, why don't we settle it? Why don't you guys scrap right now? Yeah, we might have to. Did you compete at all? Oh, yeah, I got my ass kicked. You went to, like, a taekwondo competition? Competition, yeah.

I made it all the way up to the championship. Made it all the way to the championship and then got my ass beaten. And it was the one time you competed? One time I competed and then I just went back to it. And were you allowed to kick to the head or punch to the head? Yeah, you're allowed to do whatever.

Did you have headgear on? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about that shit in the Olympics where that guy got shafted from the gold medal because he kicked his head? That to me was like, put a bullet in this whole karate thing.

That's what did it for you? Karate Kid did it for me. When I was four. Karate Kid got me into it, bro. You're above the crane kid. You know what, man? Fuck you. Even as a kid, because I grew up, my favorite movie ever was Bloodsword with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

So my dad was like oh if you guys like this my dad again he's like a fifth degree black belt taekwondo karate all that shit and he's like you guys need to do if you're into this you're like taekwondo so me and my brother i go hell yeah i'm gonna be like fucking frank dukes fucking fucking dudes up you sign up and they get you punching like this blocking shots like this i'm like This is some bullshit Dad I don't want to do this Man Where's the Frank Duke shit I'm trying to

Fuck people up man Where's the nut shots Yeah I was watching Joe List's New special the other day He's great And he was talking about

He does MMA now Dude every fucking comic Is doing MMA All you guys He was talking about When he like first Like his first like class Or whatever And he's telling the guy Like when he punches To like twist his hand He's talking about when he like first like his first like class or whatever and he's telling the

guy like to put punches like twist his hand. He's like, like you're pouring tea. Yeah. And Joe goes,

I feel like you don't tell it like that to everybody. This guy, you look like a tea guy. You look like a tea party kind of

guy. You just feel super gay. Like you're pouring tea. Is that what you told Bruno over there? That's hilarious. That's hilarious.

So the special, you shot in Dallas, right? Shot in Dallas, yep. But with my crew, Thick Boy crew. Shot, edited, original music from Little Browse. That was cool yeah that that intro is dope yeah man that's yeah yeah that's a better intro than we had we we did our show there uh in i don't know last month two months ago we had a live show in boston not quite our intro was like yeah our opening act it was uh so we had it was march it was saint patrick's day

saint patrick's day weekend where in b? At the Wilbur And we were like We're like yo We were like It'd be sick to have A bagpiper Do like Well I'll back it up Because originally

What we wanted While people were sitting We wanted it to be like A show A fucking show Hell yeah Like acrobats I dig that

And then you know We're lazy Plus budget We were just like Eh nevermind But we did whittle it down To this TikToker Who plays the bagpipes.

She's unbelievable. She's great. She's great. It just wasn't really a perfect fit for our crowd. I was under the impression she was going to play popular music over the fucking speakers. And then like, what's a bagpipe? It's a bagpipe. You can only do so much with a bagpipe.

Yeah. So it was For the half hour Lead into our comedy show Where people It was a cop's funeral Yeah where people It was It was just

34 minutes of And she would like Peace Back and forth And the audience was like This is dark And they were talking down the aisle They're like

Did an Irish Boston cop Pass away Yeah And like every now and then I'd like catch an ear And I ear, and I'd be like, oh, that's, like, the Game of Thrones theme song. Okay, cool. And then I would hear her be like, give me a request. And someone would mention a Taylor Swift song, and she would do it for a second. So it was like, she tried her best.

It was not her fault. It was a tough game for her. Yeah, right. But what was funny was- Hey, come in front of these savages and play your lame bagpipe. But you know what's funny? As the savages, we had a 7 o'clock show and a 10 o'clock show. Friday of St. Patrick's Day weekend, March Madness weekend, the whole nine.

7 o'clock show was fine. 10 o'clock show, they were like, yeah, like four bagpipes are all fucked up. You're like, this is awesome. Dude, I would say that. So at the wheel We're the same thing Early show late show Boston

At that late show When you get out Boston's the fucking purge dude You walk out You're like Holy Why is a car on fire And why are there bagpipes

We had a guy Apparently come from the balcony Down to the front table Sat down with a table of dudes Ordered a round of tequila shots on their tab, ripped a tequila, puked into a cup, got up and left. It was that. MVP, man. MVP. Madness in the crowd.

You guys had fun, though? On those live shows, it's you guys doing this podcast, or is it like a performance? It's this, but just ratcheted up a little bit. Ramped up more. Like a good example. Do you have a screen behind you? Yeah. So we play, you know, I feel this way.

I think he's a little more calm. I'm super nervous going into every show, and I'm like, we don't have anything planned. You should be. We don't have anything ready. You don't have an outline? We do, but I'm always like, it's not enough, it's not enough, it's not enough. And then seemingly every time. It always ends up being too much. Yeah.

So our last one was in Zany's a couple weeks ago. In Nashville. Yeah. Johnny Depp video came out the same day. The Mike Tyson thing on the plane happened that same day. So all of a sudden we had those two videos. A bunch of stuff. Yeah.

And that ended up being our end. So how long was the show? It was like an hour and 15. That's terrible. I thought you were going gonna say two hours no usually a little out usually like an hour 30 but found that like it drags after we've done a long show people's attention span like you get texted you can feel it you can feel it how long have you been doing it well we've been we've done live shows in 2016 it was but like one a year, special events. When you start doing more, you'll know.

We've been doing once a month now for the last year or so. You'll know, man. When you do those late shows. Late shows I'm even thinking about. Two shows are almost a lot. Especially because when you're a comic, you have a routine. You know when the laughs are going to be. You know when the punchline is going to be.

When we're just having a conversation the laughs are going to be you know when the punch line is going to be when we're just having a conversation it's like some it's gonna be funny but it might not be laugh out loud funny for 10 minutes or what you know so i feel like one good show i'd rather sell it out one good show leave them wanting more leave them wanting more yeah but two back to back especially a lot of our fans stay and then they're hearing the same conversation twice that's tough you feel that like there's nothing worse energy where it changes where it's like they're talking to each other they're texting they're not listening it's not into it but it's like this weird kind of trance like if you're doing live performance especially stand-up you're basically like a line tamer at the zoo like dude you let them get out of

control and not pay attention it's fuck you've lost them so especially with those late shows like sometimes you know the first 15 minutes it going well, and they can feel the energy. Especially on a late show Friday when they've been at work all day, and I'll know bits that crush everywhere. Crush. And when I get to it, it doesn't crush. I'm like, oh, this is. But then I've been doing it so long, I'm like, oh, I'm going to cut this, cut this, cut this, and I'll shorten the show automatically. Yeah, right.

I was going to say, are you like, you guys are locked in. We locked the doors. I'm like, that's my time. 10 minutes. See you, dude. 10 minutes. A good example, we kind of make it like a spectacle too.

We had a guy tweet us right before we went on stage. He said, I got a buddy here next to me. I'm in the balcony or like the top row, wherever it was, who says he can eat,

he could put seven pretzel bites in his mouth at once. And like whatever pretzel bites they serve at the place. Sure. So I was like, prove it. prove it let's go we got him on the stage he opened the show with him and it was like wild i mean the crowd people he was like four he was a showman five yeah thank god right i'm standing on a chair we're like i was like man we should have closed with this it's hard to follow yeah like bring out the bagpipe girl You just set her up For failure

Not stop We were like So um You know yesterday This funny story happened to me Like bring back the pretzel eater Did you call the bagpipe lady And we were like

Hey you interested in doing this She's like No I'm getting death threats Motherfucker This isn't worth The two hundred bucks At the Wilbur man She was so nice

Like again It was Whatever Whatever didn't work Was not her fault No Not at all She just said it for failure

What are you guys even thinking Why did you do this Crazy dude I'm surprised she didn't leave After the first show Like they're gonna try And put me on the second one I'm not doing that

Did she come to the back And was she like Okay well Yeah she was cool She hung out a little bit Was she older? No, she was young. She was a hot chick.

She's got a ton of followers. She's very cute. Plays the bagpipes. What a unicorn. You don't see young girls playing the bagpipe. I mean truly a unicorn. I would have told you that does not exist. Purely fat man with swollen livers.

It's such an old art art You speak Latin too? I remember the bagpipe What the fuck You speak Latin It's like being a black man in Taekwondo How much Latin can you speak? None You can't even say like a

I can't even say a I took Spanish I could No I can do Spanish Oh you took Latin? I took Latin What a waste of time What a waste of Spanish I could you know No no I can do Oh you took Latin I took Latin What a waste of time What a waste of time

I mean the most But it ended up being Fucking awesome Cause I took it like I don't know I took it like One of those fucking dumb things Like you'll get ready

For the SATs Kind of shit But I was a freshman In high school And then high school I transferred to That was when I was In public school

And I transferred To a boarding school later Where Latin was A mandatory subject You had to take What But because I'd already taken it I didn't have to take it At a school that actually Oh that's cool Like I took it At the public school transferred to a boarding school later where Latin was a mandatory subject. What? But because I'd already taken it, I didn't have to take it at a school that actually Oh, that's cool.

I took it at the public school. No one gave a shit. It was like, here, you all get seized. Where was this at? The public school was in Massachusetts. The boarding school was in Rhode Island. Gotcha. That makes sense.

Latin. Jesus Christ. It was not fun. Dude, I'm teaching my- This guy has royalty over here. Kiss the ring. It's Sir Feidelberg over here. Jesus Christ.

I'm teaching my kid to do some math, and I'm realizing that I'm teaching them the old way of doing it, like the antiquated obsolete shit, because they do this new math or whatever. But also there's calculator, math. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. We could focus on other shit, man. We could kick it. We have phones. What are you talking about? You had similar age. Do you remember the yeah, yeah, yeah. We could focus on other shit, man. We could kick it. We have phones. What are you talking about?

You had similar age. You remember the TI-83, the Texas instrument? Oh, yeah. That thing was lit. That thing could, you know. I'd play video games on there. They send people to the moon on those things. I was too dumb to figure out how to play video games on it.

I was too dumb to figure out how to play video games on that. I was too dumb to figure out how to cheat on that. I know a lot of people cheated with it, too. Well, you could enter. You could write. Yeah, no, I couldn't figure it out. Yeah, right. Yeah, nuts. People would have to do that test. I was too dumb to figure out how to cheat on that I know a lot of people cheated with it too well you could enter you could yeah yeah no I couldn't figure it out yeah right yeah no but like people have to do that test I was like terrible though you didn't just put it all in the calculator I didn't know how to like now with math like with kids it's like what are you talking about

focus on some other shit it is because that's something that and I get that in some sense because I I do have to know how to add some numbers. Not really. Because I barely do. When's the last time you had to do it? Look, literally the only time I ever do it is tips, and I take out my calculator for that. Oh, move the decimal one. It has it on the receipt now.

18% of 20, say less. Something to note, I'd add a couple bucks to that. That's the tip Without tax They tip off tax on that Which is crazy They fuck themselves Yeah but it's the company

They'd rather It's the It's not the waiter Who puts that in That's fucked up So whenever I do that I do I add a couple bucks on it

Another thing So math And also Listen my kid's only six He's in kindergarten I don't know if they're Going to go down this route But like cursive writing?

That's crazy. Hey, dude, I pay way too much money at this fucking private school for cursive writing? Cursive writing didn't matter for us. Barely. I'd have to write essays and shit. They should be teaching them legitimately, like, here's, learn how to fucking, you know. Well, my son's in kindergarten, and one of the, I think, three days a week, they do computer programming. Yeah.

I'm like, God, man, you got a big brain on YouTube. My kid picked up a Nintendo Switch and is playing Minecraft and shit, and, like, I can't, I played video games growing up. I loved Nintendo 64. I was one of those kids. Different animal, dude. And I used to be able to, like, pick up any controller on any station and play whatever. Figure it out.

And now I'm like, you know, he's like, can you do this? Can you help me, Dad? I'm like, I can't. I can't do it. And then within a couple weeks, he's like, can you do this? Can you help me, Dad? I'm like, I can't. I can't do it. And then within a couple of weeks, he's hitting both the L's and the R's. He's, you know, moving his head while he's moving the body. He scrolls through all the things he has in his backpack to pull out a fucking bow and arrow.

He's four. The problem is now, too, like when I was a kid, my dad would be like, hey, you're going to be a loser that lives with your dad all your life and play video games? I'm like, yeah, good point. I better get outside and play football. Now I tell my kid, like, hey, dumbass, you're just going to play video games all night? He's like, yeah, good point. I better get outside and play football. Now I tell my kid, like, hey, dumbass, you just can play video games all night? He's like, bitch, do you know Ninja? I make $40 million a

year, you broke bitch. I'm like, son, put down the homework and go play video games. Shouldn't you be playing video games? God damn, man. Start a YouTube channel, little bastard. Get on TikTok. I mean, but that's the blueprint, right? Thick Boy Networks. Thickboy Studios or Networks

What is it Thickboy Studios Yeah Networks seems a little Take it easy Are you gonna Well that's yeah That's why I ask I guess It's not really a network yet

Are you gonna try to Like have other talent Under you and shit See that's where it is A network Cause I do have Yeah I'm like Fucking

Alley Cat version Barstool Because I We do have other shows On the network. Like, you know, Chappelle Lacey has his own show. Chappelle's World. Mark Harley has his own show. We have this other young fitness guy

who has his own show. So those are on the network. And I have really so many UFC fighters who have reached out who are starting podcasts and want to come under the Thick Boy Network. So it's balancing that and trying to figure it out.

You don't want to water it down. When you build the network, are you thinking of covering other topics? Or are just like no i would love to these are are you just like these guys this guy's funny this person's funny if they're a talent i mean we'll figure it out we'll figure it out it doesn't matter any no i yeah i think we because you know with firing the kid and king this thing we cover everything then my stuff with like food truck diary and the shop show like that's so fight heavy but you get a mix of everything and now my comedy specials on there so you're

hoping you know to be honest it's like you know with barstool like yeah you guys cover sports but there's comedy and there's this shit and so i'm down for whatever man we kind of we did have that for a while i feel like we were trying to branch out and do like cover everything and then i feel like now we don't anymore. I don't think we have a basketball or a baseball show. Oh, Barstool as a whole? No, Barstool as a whole. You guys have football, you have that hockey show, right?

Football and hockey. Hockey, I mean those guys are a monster. Spittin' Chicklets is taking over. Are they? Yeah. They just have Wayne Gretzky on the podcast. Jesus Christ. Paul Bissonette is like the Pat McAfee of hockey. Like monster personality. Everybody loves him.

He now works on TNT. He's kind of like the Charles Barkley of hockey. That's amazing, man. And he's like, you know, I love to see it, dude. I fucking love to see it. But what's funny, and those guys know it,

and I've talked to them, and I think they know it. They're better when they're not talking about hockey. The same way I think you're better when you're not talking about fighting. Like when you're just talking about funny shit. And then because think you're better when you're not talking about fighting. Yes. Like when you're just talking about funny shit. And then because you get the non-sports fans and you get girls involved, old people, young

people. And it's like, talk about just funny shit where I don't really want to hear about, you know, the, sometimes I want to hear about the X's and O's of fighting. Kind of. But yeah, it's a fine line because also like with my Calabasas fight campaign, that came from, you know, Joe Rogan, Brian Callen, Eddie Bravo, and I would do that. It was my favorite show to do.

Then Joe moved to Austin, and I called him. I was like, dude, the one thing I missed out of everything we've ever done together was the fight command. Those were the best. I didn't realize it, but that was the best time of my life. He said, I agree, man. I go, let's do it. I'll fly to Austin, dude.

We'll figure out the fight. You're not working. I'll fly to Austin. He's like, dude, I love you. I'm just too busy, man. I can't do it anymore. You're not working. I'll fly to Austin. He's like, dude, I love you. I'm just too busy, man. I can't do it anymore. I'm on Spotify. It's just not what I do.

He's like, why don't you do it? And I was like, really? He's like, yeah, dude. Do whatever the fuck you want. That's your show. I'm like, say less. So we started Calabasas Fight Companion. But that's tough.

We'll have Chris on there and Jeff Dye and all these guys and then some fighters. It's a fine line of covering the fights, talking about the fights, and then just having fun. Some people are like, I need more X's and O's. I need more. The fight crowd? They got so mad at me the other day. There's this guy,

he's a security guard at MSG. This is going to be hard to explain. We have this guy here, Stu Feiner. He's a maniac, older guy, had this huge party this weekend. He was the original call 1-800-1900 to get gambling picks back in the 80s. What's he do here? Gambling. You ever seen Two for the Money?

Yeah. You know the movie Two for the Money with McConaughey? That's about Stu Feiner. Oh, wow. Does he look like Matthew McConaughey? No, he's Pacino. Oh, he's Pacino. But he does not look like a movie star. Love you, Stu. Oh, wow. Does he look like Matthew McConaughey? No, he's Pacino. Oh, he's Pacino. He does not look like a movie star.

I figured that. He's this larger-than-life personality that everybody knows, including this one security guard. Dave tweeted a picture of the security guard the other night at the Serrano fight. He's like, this guy was asking about Stu. I quote tweeted because Kevin and I went to the MSG UFC card. I was like,

this was our security guard too. And I said the Covington versus Nagano fight. And I meant Covington versus Usman. But people were fucking. And they're still in my mentions. They're like, are you an idiot? Are you the dumbest fucking guy alive? Do you know what a weight class is?

Jesus Christ, man. I casually like UFC. I'm not a huge. I mean, if anything, it's a little racist. But other than that, you're not stupid. I casually like UFC. I'm not a huge – I mean, if anything, it's a little racist. But other than that, you're not – It's not racist. The guy who's the only guy I know. I saw Jackass Forever.

I was like, that's the guy I saw. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with it. The crowd does that, man. It's like – But remember why that crowd does that.

Remember that crowd – I don't mean to interrupt you. The reason why the crowd does that, remember, MMA started online. Like, ShareDog, the Forum Kids. So that fan base is the best and then also very toxic. There's no middle ground. You're either the best or the worst.

No, it's true. Not really. Like, soccer and hockey and some of the lesser popular sports are always so mad. Like, why do you watch the NBA? The NBA sucks. You should watch this.

And then when you do watch it and talk about it and maybe get something wrong or maybe you have a casual opinion, they're like, fucking get out of here. Don't watch my sport. It's like, what do you want? You don't know shit about this. Oh, yeah. All right. You told me to watch it last week.

Kevin McHale. I don't tell you no, dude. Yeah, I watched the game, man. I thought it'd be fun. But I think most sports fans, we've kind of talked about this before, too, where, like, guys historically have, like, teased women for watching reality TV. Like, oh, how do you care about this? I think that's what guys like the most about sports.

It's not the X's and O's. It's the storylines and the drama behind, like. It's like male soap operas. Exactly. That's why WWE's so big. Right. And in, like, the big prize fights, the McGregor fights and shit, it's all, like, oh, did you hear what he said about his wife? behind like male soap opera that's why that's why wwe's so big right and then and in like the big prize fights the mcgregor fights and shit it's all like oh do you hear what he said about

it's a story it's a reality show and then we'll watch the fight but there's got to be all the juicy salacious gossip which is like kim k and all that and that's the best thing like that build up that reality show which is basically to your point like that buildup makes people buy the fight. It's very rare, very rare that fight lives up to all that hype. And you're kind of like, oh, where are you? Because like WWE. If you watch it, holy shit. If you talk about the drama of it,

not very, very, very, very few people can talk about the X's and O's of it. I mean, that's a 1% maybe. Correct. Oh, I mean, that's probably the rarest thing. That's like we – Actual analysts know what they're talking about. We went to – we were at the Super Bowl. Yeah, I know.

I barely know. Dude, see – I fake it. We were at the Super Bowl in Minnesota, and we were out with some CBS producers and some of my friends who work for CBS, and they were asking about our podcast. And they were like, do you guys talk about sports? And we're like, we touch on it, but not like you guys do. We don't know what the fuck we're talking about with X's and O's of football. And these are the producers of whatever the NFL Sunday show is.

And they go, just so you know, neither does anyone talking about it. Nobody knows what they're doing. They play college football. They don't know fucking NFL football. It's a completely different sport at that stage. Yeah, but I did this Super Bowl show. It was on Thick Boy Network, but also I think like Verizon and Mike Tyson's thing. So this is the most Hollywood story I have for you.

Originally, the boys from Busting with the Boys were going to come out and do the Super Bowl companion with me. I was going to do a Super Bowl companion at Thick Boy. Me and Will are super close. So we talk every week, right? So he was going to come out and do the Super Bowl fight campaign at Thick Boy in Calabasas. And then they were playing it. They were giving me shit. They were playing it. Then I get this offer from Verizon. Mike Tyson seemed

like, hey, we would love to do the Super Bowl companion, but we want it with Mike Tyson and Dan Cormier and Brandon Marshall. And it's going to be at Lenny Kravitz' house. It's Verizon, all this shit. It's Madler. We can broadcast on Thinkboy,

but it also has to be on Verizon and Mike Tyson's channel. I'm like, yeah, say less. And then you go, and we're also going to pay you this much to do it. And I was like, oh, man, Will and Taylor are banking on this. So I call them like, hey, fellas. They're like, you son of a bitch, man. They gave me shit when I went on there, but I that until that point like i played college football had a you know i literally peeked behind the curtains in the nfl with the buffalo bills but i don't know nfl football man like i don't know x's and o's

but i was the host of it i was the one that had to keep it moving throw to commercials do all the ad reads and make sure i teed people up and you realize, like, everyone's full of shit. So it's like, D.C., he's a football fan. You don't know football. Brandon Marshall, he knows, like, what the receiver's feeling like. You know, he's drinking tequila, getting wild, and then Mike Tyson's there on shrooms having fun. So it's like, dude, I was so stressed.

That sounds like a dream. You know, I had the craziest dream, man. I was at. Dude, I was so stressed. That sounds like a dream. You had the craziest dream, man. I was at the Super Bowl with Mike Tyson, Brandon Marshall. You know, like, that's just throw the name out there, man. Nuts, dude. Nuts. But, yeah, and people just, they don't even, you know, you can ask them a question, and they'll be like, yeah, you know, that is interesting. But, you know, but the receivers, and they just pivot to what they do know.

Yeah, I mean, if you don't even have to answer the questions or talk about what the topic is, as long as you say a professional and nobody fucking cares. Yeah, I think if he had, like, you know, like fucking Saban on or some shit like that, he would know what the fuck he's talking about. And it would be so boring. It would be so boring. That's why when I talk to Boomer Esiason, when he talks,

like, I know he knows what he's talking about, but he also knows how to just not be boring about it and talk about the other storylines. Everybody who seems to know the X's and O's just talks X's and O's. And the people who don't, don't have the information. When you can blend it. But that's what my favorite is Tony Romo. I'm sick of him, though.

I agree. He got paid so much money. But my favorite thing about Tony Romo is he spoils everything because you don't know what's going to happen every play. But this motherfucker knows football so well, he'll look at the defense and then, like, oh, they're going to throw a slant route. And they throw it like, dude, I don't need to know this shit, man.

You are paying attention to how many times he doesn't get it, though. Really? Yeah, he doesn't. When he does do it, it's a home run, and people are like, oh, did you see that? And then there'll be, like, five in a row where it's just like, nope, that's not what I meant. You're a glass half-empty guy. Welcome to KFC Radio. We're finally getting here.

Oh, you guys are haters. Okay. Of course he's great. I actually think I would be interested to see the breakdown because once the – and this actually kind of goes to what we were talking about earlier with like the different style broadcast. Once the Manicast happened, that's all I watch. I don't watch. Really?

I don't watch. I love the Manicast. I think Peyton and Eli are fucking hilarious. And I think Peyton hits at a higher rate than Tony Romo does. Agree. The problem is it's on Zoom. I agree. Yeah.

Who the fuck decides to do three Zooms? How come those two brothers don't get together? I think it's because of the pandemic. I think they want to set a precedent. Being like, dude. You don't have to be. Yeah. Like, brothers don't get together? I think it's because of the pandemic. I think they want to set a precedent. You don't have to be. We don't need the fucking money. No, they want the least work possible. If you want to set up my living room, I'll do it real quick.

Yeah, exactly. I agree. I don't need a job. There's definitely a better way to do it, though. To me, I wouldn't even be thinking about the money. To me, the same reason I don't want to do this podcast over Zoom is, like, it's a better product. I refuse to, man. Yeah.

In a pandemic, it was like, well, this is what it is, man. Like, I refuse to do Zoom because I can't. I need to feel the vibe. And what sucks is now that it's ending, celebrities have felt like, well, now we can do Zoom. And it's like, ah, come on. Then you ain't coming on. And to me, I mean, it's like, A, you know, if I couldn't get you any other way, if I'm talking to, you know, Mike Dyson or somebody huge, all right. But I'm not doing just like the average Joe on Zoom.

No, I hate it. I absolutely hate it, man. We got used to it. We thought we got used to it. And then as soon as it was gone, I was like, no, never mind. Yeah. Now we got used to it. Then we did an in-person guest and went back to Zoom.

It's so much better. But like this Zoom and this culture, like people want to stay at home now. And they're in their fucking sweats. And they're like, no, I'm more productive. I'm like, you're just lazy, bitch. Pandemic's over. Let's get going, dude. Easy. That's you.

Now, you know, we had a business meeting the other day and somebody said, oh, you guys look like you're back in the office with the background. And we were like, yeah, we've been back for a while now. We went back early. Yeah. And we did July 2020. We were back. So we said for you, we said we've been back for a while now we went back early yeah and we go july 2020 we were back so we said good for you we said we went back to july 2020 he goes oh coming up on a year it's like yeah we stopped we were out for like three months and then we came back you know because my own studio and everything i never we i never stopped never just kept going nothing yeah nothing and it was probably fine, right? I mean, people got it here and there, but it was not a problem.

I mean, I've had all three variants. I've only had the one. I only got the Omicron. I've had, name one. Delta, Omicron, this new one I had. You had the new one already? I had the original COVID-19 one. Oh, man, bro.

You're getting that first edition shit. What's that new shit? Well, the new one that was like, it kind of just- There's one after Omicron? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a variant of it. There's one like right now. Also known as the flu. But the thing is

people are going to hate that, but the thing is I've had all three so my antibodies, dude, I'll lick your asshole right now. I don't give a fuck. I'm telling you, I can do whatever I want. I'll lick the fucking subway. I'm like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, man. I'll get fucked, subway. I'm like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, man. I'll get fucked, dude.

And again, to each their own. It fucked a lot of people up, man. And some people passed away, and I get all that. But for me as an individual, I was fine, man. I toured all through the pandemic and all like that. I'm super blessed, but I did wear your mask when you have to. I did it, and I got all three variants. They brought it home.

It's a nightmare. It's a nightmare. So what you're saying is you were absolutely wildly reckless and got everybody sick. Yeah. When I got Omicron, me and my friends have this weekend. We go. We get away. Where do you go?

Nantucket or some shit? Martha's Vineyard. Yeah. Yeah. You knew. Yeah. No, I know. No, I knew this.

I'm proud of you. Listen, don't let them shame you for being rich as shit, man. Own that shit, man. You didn't earn it, but you're born into it. Own it, but don't earn it. Yeah. And it's just like, we go in the winter intentionally, so there's no one there,

and we just get to fucking get drunk in a house. Yeah. And this is the first year ever that some of my friends had kids and shit like that. So I showed up late because I was coming from New York. Yeah, paint the page for me. I bet the diversity is great. I bet it's like Mexicans, blacks, Asians. Am I right on that?

Or let me get – It's the United Nations over there. Hey, or is it a Trump rally during a snowstorm? It's not a Trump rally, but everyone is white. And everyone's too comfortable With the N word Around each other Yeah

We did watch Shane Gillis On that weekend There you go Everyone was like This guy's funny Yeah he's the best The best But the

The second day I was like I got a little scratch In my throat And I thought it was Because I put on a sweater For the first time in a while And I got sweater throat

He has this idea That he has Have you ever heard Of sweater throat? Sweater throat's a thing Never heard of it. Yeah. When you get your sweaters out of the closet from the past season that you get a sore throat.

That's a rich thing. It's because your winter clothes have been put away. They got a little dusty. So when you put them on now, you get a little scratch. Oh, that's such a rich thing. He's like, man, you ever break out in hives when your Rolex doesn't fit right? No. It's called the Lamborghini flu. You start driving around, you get break out in hives when your Rolex doesn't fit right? No. It's called the Lamborghini flu.

You start driving around, you get a little ear infection. In the winter, you ever take a break from Lamborghini and then you start getting a blister on your lip? I think you have herpes, dude. So you're right. It turned out to be Omicron, and I gave it to everybody. Really? Yeah. That shit's so contagious.

My friend's like, dude, we have our kids here. Why did you just come? And I was like. You didn't know. It was actually. It was one time I was responsible. I did get tested before I went to make sure. And I guess got a false negative, I guess.

It's all nice. When I first got it, same thing. I was like. Because I do rogue nicotine. I go through a can a day. And I was flying back from San Antonio. And I was doing a show. And I was in the green room,

and it was packed. There's people everywhere. This is the height of fucking COVID. Everyone's scared. The purge is happening. There's lockdowns. It's Russia. Fucking crazy.

We're in the green room, and it's wild. I just looked at my buddy in my open eye. We're definitely in COVID. Look at this shit. Joking around. I'm flying back on the plane, and I ran out of my nicotine, which I never do. I always have this fanny pack. Like a very Stiles.

Like a very Stiles. So without the dress. So I ran out of nicotine. And the flight from San Antonio to California, about halfway through, I'm like, oh, man, I feel terrible. I'm like, what the fuck? I feel awful. I'm like, oh, it's because I don't have my nicotine.

That's why, dude. Going through withdrawals. So I get home. I rush to the fucking 7-Eleven, buy my nicotine, put feel terrible. I'm like, what the fuck? I feel awful. I'm like, oh, it's because I don't have my nicotine. That's why, dude. Going through withdrawals. So I get home. I rush to the fucking 7-Eleven, buy my nicotine, put it in. I'm like, I still feel terrible. But even then, I'm like, dude, you went too long. These are withdrawals. You're an addict.

Three days later, I'm pounding the nicotine, dude. This is crazier than sweater throw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, yeah, this is some real garbage shit man yeah it's like he pounded the nicotine and finally i put it in i can't taste it like what the fuck is happening right now and then i was like oh fuck i got cold man dude i can't taste or smell anything and so having a bowl of nicotine tobacco here's the thing. I got three patches on my neck. Yeah, yeah.

Put an IV of nicotine. Dude, that's how you know I'm fat at heart. I still, even though I couldn't taste or smell the food, I still ate fat. I'm talking, I'm getting queso burritos.

I'm fucking pizzas. I remember thinking, I wish that happened to me. And we do a lot of, answer the internet, we're going to go do it in a minute. Where one of them is about

like if you lose the sense of taste and I'm like, i would love that because then i would eat healthy and it wouldn't matter but i know so many people when they lost their taste for this they were like i kept trying to taste something i got fat so i would get the ice cream and then i would get the cake and then oh i can't even taste the brownies oh i can't you know and they just keep eating more and more and more i don't really have a sense of taste i i can taste it it's not like i don't taste things but i i always say that my taste is my sense of taste I can taste things It's not like I don't taste things But I I always say that my taste is My sense of taste is not as strong as other people's

It can't be Why? I don't know It just can't be Since you were a kid? Because I don't I just don't love food the way people love food I kind of

Am more of like Ah it's just fuel kind of deal Then why don't you shred it? This is my point It doesn't matter It's just like Well okay It's the looks of it

This is one of the things Yeah it's the looks of it It's the ease of it But you also eat a shit ton of Sour Patch Kids And candy and chocolate and stuff That's addiction to sugar Oh okay Yeah

So you don't taste those? I mean I taste them I taste them I'm not arguing I have no taste I taste them Just not like other people I don't think I don't think my sense of taste

Bro you ready for a cheat code? Yeah this is a cheat code with sugar Cause you're talking about a real sugar addict Like my parents were like Whatever you want to do. I'm like, oh, I'm going to eat a pack of Dunkaroos every day. They're like, that makes sense. Eat the whole box, dude.

I'm like, say less. So I had all the cavities. So now at 38, I haven't been in dentists, I don't know, 15 years. You want to talk about cavities? Real quick, sorry to interrupt. Go ahead. I was born, my baby teeth didn't have enamel on them, and I had the sugar addiction even then. So I would regularly have to get my teeth ripped out of my fucking head. You're a dirtball.

You're a dirtball from birth. I'd have to go to a specialist, and they'd have to just get a wrench and just rip my fucking tooth off. How are you not Jeffrey Dahmer at this point? He is, though. He is. He's so close to being a serial killer. This is another whole story. I actually –

He says these things every couple weeks and I'm like, you know this. I've said this. You used to get your teeth ripped out. No. Did you know that?

Did you guys know this one? No. I went to a specialist, a special dentist in Bridgewater, I think. Never told this one. Would they rip your teeth out?

Of course you're a fucking depressed sociopath. They'd numb you up. You got teeth ripped out of your head when you were a kid. It would just always, like I was a young kid

and they just strapped me down and just ripped teeth out of my head. Oh, my God. Sometimes people are like. Hey, hold on. You need to hear this, man. I am so sorry. Hey, hold on. It's not your fault.

Have you gotten a therapy? It's not your fault. Have you ever gotten a therapy? I've done it. I've been molested five times. Joke or no? No. Really?

It's fucking gray areas. Like babysitters. I'll tell you, Gray. Teachers have rubbed him. Give it to me. gray areas. Like babysitters. I'll tell you gray. Teachers rubbed him. Give it to me. I'll tell you right now. That's a new game. Was I molested or not?

It's not like. It's like teachers. Yeah. No one touched me. Teachers would touch me. Touch you where? Just like in class. They come rub.

Earlobes. Big earlobes. They come behind me. It was my science teacher. They're not like sucking dick, but if a teacher is rubbing, if I saw a teacher doing this to a little kid, I'd be like, you're molesting him. I'd beat his ass. So enough that you would have an outrage.

But also, like a little back rub, like ear thing. Not too bad, dude. It feels good. He was older? Yeah, he was an old guy. He had real hairy ears, though. If I find out he's dead for sure, I'll say his name. Okay, real quick.

The audience have heard this one, but you're a father now, right? I've heard you talk about your kid. You raise him. You're hands-on. Correct. Especially sports and everything. A man, an old man, used to come out of the woods. He lived in a house next to a forest, basically, a wooded area.

He came out of the woods. Is this him or you? A friend of mine. No, it's him come out of the woods knock on the door and be like can john come out and play catch how old is this guy old mind you he had a cane he was he was he was a portly fit gentleman with uh he actually looked very much like ben franklin okay he's a portly gentleman with a cane who was baldy up top and had a long ponytail. And he was also my baseball coach.

So he would wear his jersey to come knock on my door. No kid on the team. Played on the Minnesota Twins. Baseball coach, but not a child on the team. We were twins. Fall River played up a... What's the question? So he... Hold on.

I've seen First 48 way too many times. Case solved. His mom is like, John Henry, come on out and play catch. Have a catch with this guy. His father comes home from work and sees what's going on. He's like, the fuck is going on here? Like, get off my property, honey. Why are you letting John play catch?

It wasn't the first time we played catch. We played a couple of catches before the— Yeah, catch those nuts in your mouth. Dude, what? And you think that's normal. Yeah, you might have blocked it mouth. Dude, what? Yeah, he got like fucked in the woods and he blocked it out. Yeah, he might have

blocked it out. I don't remember it. And you didn't have teeth? I don't remember it. And you don't have teeth? That's a fucking pedophile's dream. The guy you played catch with

ripping your teeth out? Holy... The only one that's for sure was... Old man in a jersey? Yeah, dude, he rocked the Minnesota Twins jersey everywhere.

Everywhere. Oh, bro. But it wasn't a Minnesota Twins jersey. It was our Little League T-ball. Not Little League. T-ball. Even creepier. Yeah.

I didn't know that part. That's weird. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I matched the little boys. It wasn't like an official Twins jersey. It was just our, you know, kind of like the BP jerseys they wear? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I get it.

It was kind of one of those type deals. I mean. You need betterhelp.com, promo code SHOB. I mean. The worst one was the babysitter. That was the closest to an actual molestation The babysitter was not Making him watch porn She made me watch porn with her all the time

Which is kind of like cool I was young But she was hot It was one of those where I was like This is fucking dope But that's the thing But it is It's not

Like we can all ask guys Oh you're a hot babysitter Made you watch porn Cool When you're like too young That's fucking Give me the age here Let Cool When you're like Too young That's fucked up Give me the age here

Let's say Nine Too young I was gonna say Nine to eleven I was gonna say Nine to eleven It's still too young

I'd be on your current Adventure But I see Shotgun arrest Look at his mugshot He looks hot dude He's gonna thrive In prison man

He's finally gonna be able To fuck all those guys And not be judged. I coached my son's Little League game this past weekend. It's not even a game. They're so young. But as I'm like, you know, there's girls on the team. There's little boys on the team.

They get a hit. I'm like, high five? You're not slapping asses anymore. And like one kid, like a couple kids really can't swing the bat, so I'm trying to do that thing where you're trying not to do it. And I'm like, can I even do it? I can't believe I'm even worrying about this. You shouldn't be, though, man.

Don't let that shit get to you. Stop touching my daughter. Yeah, but no, you got molested, man. But anyway. Long story short, you got molested. Dude, dude. And you said it the exact way fucking Rude Jude said it. Oh, yeah.

Kevin told us what Rude Jude wants, and Rude Jude goes, you got molested, dog. I mean, this is a no-brainer. Open and shut. Yeah, and then the trauma from getting your teeth ripped out. It's crazy. Again, how are you not fucking Richard Ramirez at this point? God bless you. He gets it out on the podcast.

It could be way worse. Maybe. Did you think about it? I'm like the fucking – the way I act is a out on the podcast. It could be way worse. Maybe. Did you think about it? I'm like the fucking... The way I act is a blessing to the world. Absolutely. I have excuses to act way worse than how I act. You don't have any anger issues or anything?

None. Well, yeah, I snap. He's wildly depressed. You have depression? I have pretty significant depression. I'm sorry, man. Anger is... I'll snap occasionally.

Hot temper. Do you take medication? You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. No, no, no. Noer is... I'll snap occasionally. Hot temper. Do you take medication? You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. No, no, no. No, I don't. Really? I have tried it and it wasn't... It makes you not funny, right?

Yeah. I wouldn't say not funny. It just makes me not fun. Yeah. Life is great. I didn't really care for it. I did it very briefly. Are you married?

No. You're single? Yeah. Hmm. What is that? We got to do some work, my man. I don't know what the health benefits are at Barstool. It's actually pretty good out here. I'm worried about you, man.

Yeah. I know we don't know each other. This is our therapy. I think we get it all out. I agree. That's not an excuse, but it's not therapy. We need real help. You might want to talk to somebody.

Not the two of us. Yeah. It's not a big deal, dude. I get my teeth ripped out when I was a kid every day. I mean, it wasn't by a fucking guy in an alley. Then a guy who looked like Ben Franklin with a jersey on would touch my wiener.

But listen, bro. We gotta make another card. That's not even the fucking tip of the iceberg. Yeah, it gets worse. Things get worse as I get older. This is some mix of like the Andrea Doria with also like Charlie Kelly. There's more, let's be honest, there's more abuse in your life? Oh, buddy.

The worst of it has probably happened in the last year. Let's wrap up on that note. Let's fucking finish this show. Let's go to answer the internet. God, how are you normal? You're such a nice guy, man. I actually am pretty normal. I'm going to give myself a little credit.

Trust me, Bubba, I'm in comedy. So I can feel darkness. Oh, there's dark. There's real dark. And I can, trust me, I can feel it. My radar for that darkness, yeah, man. That's the nicest thing someone's ever said to me yeah i'm grateful that i don't suffer from it thank fucking god i probably shouldn't when ct kicks in i'm sure i'll have it so enjoy me right now about four years to do this so but you need help hey bottom line is you need help And it ain't from me and Kevin here

Thank God you turned out normal Yeah Let's go to Answer the Internet But we got Thick Boy Studios YouTube YouTube's just Thick Boy The special The Gringo Poppy's on there

It's 30 minutes of me lighting up my Latin family And yeah Self shot Obviously wrote myself. My team edited it, shot it, everything. All self-made, man. So go check it out right now. And then you got all the other shows or what?

Everything else. Everything on Thick Boy. Then King of the Sting in the Wing with Chris Dillard. Theo Vaughn. You got Finally Killed with Brian Callen. You got Food Truck Diaries on there. You got all sorts of shit. The hardest working man in the game.

Thanks, brother. And then I'm on tour this weekend I'm in Charlotte Thursday Friday Saturday Whole new hour it's the Trash Panda tour Whole new hour and then I'm in Philly after that Beautiful man Appreciate you guys man Let's go get you help សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.