KFC Radio - Brianna Chickenfry and Feitelberg's Blackout Matching Tattoos

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

(0:00) KFC and Feits recap LA trip (48:40) Brianna Chickenfry and Grace O'Malley join the show to recap our night out at the Comedy Store that led to Brianna and Feits trying to get matching tattoos. eBay EBay Sneakers – Authenticity Guaranteed Shady Rays Get 50% OFF 2+ pairs of Adult Non-Prescription Sunglasses at https://barstool.link/ShadyraysKFC FFUPs Go to https://barstool.link/ffupsKFC and use code KFC15 for 15% off Roman Get $15 off your first order of Roman T-Support at https://barstool.link/ROMANkfc Blue Nile Save up to 40% on classic fine jewelry and 25% on engagement ring settings at https://barstool.link/bluenileBSSYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I'm so glad the tattoo shop is closed. I know. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Are we rolling? I do this every time, man. What? Popcorn.

I don't know why I eat it. And you know what happens to me? I get these little flakes in between my gum and my tooth. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not in between my teeth. It's between the gum and the tooth. And yet, I fucking eat the popcorn every time. I'm not a popcorn guy for that exact reason.

Except smart food, though. That shit fucks. White cheddar popcorn. That shit is. Except smart food, though. That shit fucks. White cheddar popcorn. Chopped top. That's the top snack of all time in my book. You could put that in your Mount Rushmore.

Put that on your dog walk. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Podcast. It's our last one. Our second and last one here from LA. Do I look fat?

Yeah, probably. My belly? I would. No, you're trim right I look fat? Yeah, probably. My belly? I would. No, you're trim right now. Yeah? Yeah. Last night you... Yeah, I knew it.

I don't care. I'm just curious. How about me? I actually made a mistake. I did something awful. You told me to record myself with a shower. I'll send it to Nick.

Well, I figured it out fairly fast. Did you have the handheld as well? Yes. See, I don't have the handheld. So there's no reason for that button in mine. Oh. If you go into mine, it's just the head, and you turn on the shower, and nothing happens until you pull and turn. Oh, yeah.

So I was like, what the fuck is this about? I had the handheld come on right away which is a weird thing to start with if so imagine if you just turn that and nothing happens so then i push that and nothing happened then i unscrewed it and came off and i was about to call the front desk like i don't know how to turn on your shower and then at the last second i pulled it but it's like if you pull and then let go it goes in yeah so i pulled let go and then turn so i had to and i was i was like on the phone i think or text or something like that so i was like pull twist pull like i need two hands to unlock this fucking shower but i i recorded it and then i uh

i put my phone down with the camera still open and i got a genuine real what he sees versus what she sees like you grundle and shit no no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I put it on the sink. Okay. So, like, it was just my stomach up. I mean, it was, like, any girl who's ever sucked my dick, God bless you. Terrible. It is a fucking nightmare. That's what they should do. It's so lumpy

in such weird places. You know what they should do? It's a fucking nightmare. We talked about the VR goggles. The VR goggles should be almost done, used for, like, educational and, like, perspective point of view. You know what I mean? Like, couples should have to throw those on and see what each person goes through. Because guess what?

It ain't pretty the other way around either. Like, most girls, straight girls, are not going to want a face full of pussy. Right. So you see us going in, and they're, you know, it's going in your garden. I'm fucking rhinoceros in you. Yeah. It's fucking. That's not great either.

But for you guys, especially because, you know, porn has made the eye contact thing a thing, you know? The eye contact thing. Like girls suck your dick and make eye contact thing a thing. You know? The eye contact thing. Like girls suck your dick and make eye contact with you. Yes. And I think that You mean eye contact as a whole. No, but you know, I think in porn girls are very intently like I'm doing the eye contact thing.

I actually, I'm like, what do you want? I could do, you know, there's a hotness to it but then it's like too long. Yeah, if we stare at each other if I just staring at Nick, it's going to get fucking weird fucking fast. And no one's dicks in each other's mouths. I'm like, all right, I think we've hit enough. It's like, I get it what you're doing. How about you look back into my belly button?

I don't even know what you call this part of your body. That's your pubic bone. I got to pee. Oh, you're hitting your bladder. I'm hitting the thing. I don't even know what you call this part of your body. That's your pubic bone. I got to pee. Oh, you're hitting your bladder. I'm hitting the bone. Right there. Well, see, maybe that's also why they do the eye contact, because the straight ahead is like your belly button and the hair.

I got like a lump under my belly button. It's like an overhang. You got to fucking, what do they call it? The drive, like the... Carport. Carport. You got to fucking, what do they call it? Like the drive, like the... Carport? Carport. You got a carport. A carport?

Yeah. This is one of the meanest things I've ever said, dude. I was going to say, I don't know what that is, and I do not like it. I'm going to Google carport right now. You're saying my belly button, my stomach, or my dick is a carport? Your stomach would be the carport for your dick. Oh, Jiminy Cricket. Is it like carport?

Come on. Come on. It's not just you. It's most people. Most people. I got it. You got a carport for your dick, bro. It's your fat stomach.

Keeps it dry in the rain. Like your dick could be out in the rain and it would stay dry. My dick is in the shade. You wouldn't have to shovel your dick out of a snowstorm. That's so rude, man. That's so fucked up, dude. So, anywho. I do...

We do have to report, sadly, after quite a bit of hype, if you're watching our social media and our vlogs and whatnot, we were supposed to... No, I don't think they know anything yet. Yeah, we haven't teased it on social. Oh, so we got to tell the whole tale.

It is all in the vlog. Okay, let me tell you a tale. Gather around, children. Let me tell you a tale of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Let me tell you a tale of sheer serendipity and happenstance and destiny. And I'll tell you a tale that ends in tragedy. And a life lesson to never get your hopes up. Yeah. That story, this tale, this fable, if you will, is brought to you by...

Richie. Nope. Brought to you by Roman. Perfect. Nope. Brought to you by Roman. Perfect. Perfect. We could have used... We thought I was about to need a full, whole array of Roman. I'm talking the dick pills to get them hard, the dick swipes to make them last,

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Pots. Pots and pans. Forks and knives. You step up to the baseball plate, what do you need in your hand? You need a baseball bat. I don't know what you can do. You're in the field, what do you need in your hand? Glove.

You need the tools to get the job done. And that's why if you're going to go fuck people, you need to make sure you have Roman swipes and Roman pills to get your dick hard and make them stay hard. Bottom line is you need the tools for the job. And we thought that we were going to have this surprise podcast. And whether it's something like that or your girlfriend at home or the first date you're gonna

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It makes sense. It does. I'm not a doctor, but I'm sure the testosterone matters about how – if you do or do not get hard and how hard you will get and how hard you will stay and how long you will last. And just making sure that your levels of – I don't know, whether it's being competitive whether it's being um uh i don't even know what else you know i don't know what testosterone does clearly we don't have testosterone clearly my level my t levels are low but it's all just about yeah you gotta get you gotta be a man bro and uh and for so long i think it was just like i don't know like lift more weights you get stronger and then you're a man, bro. And for so long, I think it was just like, I don't know, lift more weights so you get stronger, and then you're a man. But if everything on the inside is not really cooking right,

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Oh, you're going to be like the girl at a slumber party. All right, well, what if I do it like this? What if this is my position? I don't appreciate that. Fellas! Fellas. You my position? I don't appreciate that. Fellas! Fellas. You know what? I had a thought.

We'll get to the story in a second. I had a thought, and maybe we'll ask Grace and Brianna. We're going to have them on the show from Plan Bri on Cut. Is there a female equivalent? Is there a, Ladies!

I've got the biggest clit in this room! Oh, no, you're talking fat lips. You're talking fat lips. I got the biggest clit in this room. Fat lips. I got the biggest lips in this room. Who's got fatter? Who's got fatter? And some girl fucking bat wings and curtains and shit. Whoa. Nice set of fucking burger buns.

Yeah. Burger. Yeah. It's like there's the inside. Like, like I've heard it as like some of the sandwiches kind of spilling out of the buns. Yeah, it's like there's the inside. I've heard it as some of the sandwiches kind of spilling out of the buns. Yeah. Out of the bread. I'm okay with that.

Are you? I'm okay with that. Well, you're okay with it. Because there's also the flip side is what porn stars do when they get that labiaplasty. Yeah. You had that one on. Ready to rock. That almost makes it look a little, you know, there's nothing.

It's too tight. I've heard it be described as a fake mutant. It's like a fucking, like a perfectly white butthole. There was skid mark on there. You know when it's a little brown? Disavow, disagree. Dude, I don't want a fucking white-ass butthole. That's gross.

That's weird. Like, it's like... Oh, wait, wait, wait. You're talking about, like, the skin. You're not talking about, like, literal shit, right? Yeah. But, like, you want your asshole to be a little dark. Yeah.

I like my asshole to be pink. Well, that's the inside. The outside's weird. No, no, no. I'm talking about, like, yeah, the outside is almost like when your pussy and your kind of become one but yeah i like a little i like a dark ass yeah yeah it's sure it's don't believe assholes on this fucking podcast it certainly shouldn't just be like the same color as your skin you know what i mean yeah that's what i like like there's the white but i want like that red in there yeah i want one of the

spokes to have some coloration. Um, cause that, that's a little too much too, where it's like, it's just like a clit and a hole. I mean, a Fig Newton was really a good description of it. Like just the,

the, the skinniest on the side. Yeah. Yeah. And then just in the middle is, you know, the stuff. But,

um, but I don't like lips. I don't like here. Here's, I'm going to hit you with the word. I don't like lips. I don't like – I'm going to hit you with the word I don't like. Dangle. Dangle. I don't like there to be any, like, dangling.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Like if you kind of hit it, if it wobbles to and fro. It's like a pussy with a mudroom. Like you're not totally in yet. You're in a little bit. Knocking my boots trying to clean up before I get in there. It's the pussy's entryway where you're like, oh, I'm in. And then you go in deep. Oh up before I get in there. It's the pussy's entryway where you're like,

you're like, oh, I'm in. And then you go in deep. Oh, now I'm in. Like, you can fuck that girl who's outside of her pussy. No. I don't like when they like,

when they go like this, when they... I'm so glad Bree and Grace are on this episode. Their fans are gonna hate this. No, I think, I think, I think we've talked about

how girls will show each other their pussies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet you they've done that. I hate when girls like, spread it in porn, and it's like the lips are like – almost looks like an autopsy when they, like, open someone's chest. I was going to say I like it. I like it, but it reminds me of that thing you were talking about,

the Norwegian torture. The Viking blood eagle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is crazy. It also made me think of Independence Day. I think when they open up the exoskeleton, it looks like a pussy with too much lips. We're also describing oysters right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the classic. But I would rather say, hey, that girl's pussy. She's got so much lips. She looks like the exoskeleton of an alien life form in Independence Day. Anyway, I don't know how it got there. I don't know. But we are out here in L.A. We were trying to schedule a bunch of podcasts.

We were unable to do so because people were either back in New York or just not recording this week. So we ended up thinking we were going to have not a lot of time. And then all of a sudden, or we were thinking we were going to have a lot of free time. And then all of a sudden things start popping up. And one of the things that popped up was our buddy over at No Jumper, Adam 22, who was on the podcast a couple weeks ago, who I think ended up winning like tens of thousands of dollars

in the World Series of Poker, right? He needs it. And he goes, he texts me, and he says, yo, dude, would you be cool with me giving Adriana Cechik your phone number? And I almost wanted to fucking, like, if I could have gone to his place in LA and slapped him in the face,

I said, yeah, you can give him, you can give her my phone number. So, we get to texting. You and Adriana, yes. Me and Adriana get to texting. Adriana leaves me voice notes. Oh my god.

Adriana Cechik addressing you personally with her, she's got a cute voice, you know what I mean? Yeah. Because sometimes porn stars can be too valley girl or too stupid or too, like... I like a cigarette. Yeah, like a lot lizard who's been around. I like a gal who's been in bars that allow smoking.

But she's leaving me voice notes, and I said, you know, that's... Well, we'll talk about a good comparison to that in a minute. But I'm getting voice notes. Oh, and I said, you know, that's, well, we'll talk about a good comparison to that in a minute, but I'm getting voice notes. Oh, when I said to Feidelberg, I called him up, and I said, I played a home run derby with David Ortiz. You know, we've sat down and chopped up comedy

inside baseball talk of comedy with, you know, Bill Burr. We've broken down sunny episodes with the cast. Getting voice notes from Adriana Cechik is the peak of this job. Quite a culmination. That is the perk so far. And she says, I am about to go to New York. Can I do your show? Because I'm actually going to be in the barstool office

because i'm flying to nyc to do only stands featuring glennard balls what a world not not i'm going there to do like some porn and i'm also going to make an appearance here there and elsewhere and i'm also going to swing by Glenny's. I'm going to New York for an overnight to go on Glenny Balls' show. I've not talked to Glenny about this yet. Should we do a little

mid-show call, see what he says? So we now live in a world where Glenny Balls has a podcast that Adriana Cechik is rearranging her schedule, flying thousands of miles away to do his show. Earlier I was just sitting and thinking about Glenny Balls' life, just laughing. Just for comparison's sake, we flew out here to do Bert Kreischer's show. Yeah, yeah.

Like, that's the kind of shit, you know, that's the level you do, like, fly outs for. I'll go across the country to do this because it's special um so uh i said funny enough we're not in new york we're in la and she said well i fly out tomorrow i said why don't we just rip it tonight today we'll just get it done before you even go and that was the plan and we were going to go do Burt finish up Burt come back I said to her is this weird like can we come to your place I'm thinking she's probably got a beautiful fucking mansion right uh and I was like I know that's a little weird is that like an invasion of privacy do you not want to do that she was like I totally would do that normally but I'm getting work done

on my house right now and I said well do you want to come to our hotel room? And she said, yeah, sounds good. So we were preparing to have Adriana Chechik come to our hotel room to do our podcast. And when I say preparing, I mean Nick set up a full-blown. I mean, when you do a podcast in a hotel room, it looks like porn. Nick was preparing. John was preparing. I shaved my balls for it. Not again. I want to be clear about this.

I wasn't like, I'm going to fuck you, John Chachik. I just wanted, one, the confidence of knowing, like, all right, I'm good. I'm cleaned up. Because that makes you feel good. Yeah, yeah. I wanted to be cleaned up And then two I'm a big Second Amendment guy

I wanted my concealed carry license If shit popped off, I want to know I was strapped I was fucking ready to go If fucking I mean, if on the off chance On the incredibly off chance Like, I'm not I don't have start a porn company money So so I don't have enough money to have sex with Adriana Cechik.

But, like, it was, like, it was still, you get a girl in your hotel room, you might be, I don't know. Anything can happen. She might fuck. I don't know. I wanted to be ready. John, you get Adriana Cechik in an Uber car. Yes. And you might fuck.

So, I know you think, it's not about having Adriana Cechik fuck me money. It's about, like, it's about being within the vicinity of Adriana Cechik when she wants to fuck. So I know you think it's not about having Adriana Cechik fuck me money. It's about like, it's about being within the vicinity of Adriana Cechik when she wants to fuck. When she, yeah. Here's one of the balls.

Because here's the deal too. Here's balls. Glenn A. What's up, Glenn A? How did you already say sup fellas? Did you see us? I feel like the moment

you came on, you were like, sup fellas, like you knew it was both of us. That works. That's about how it goes, yeah. We were just discussing Adriana Cechik. And how, yeah. And how we

now live in a world where she is flying across the country to talk to you. What a fucking... And like... You guys talked to her? Well, so we're explaining the story now. We were supposed to,

and unfortunately, that did not come to fruition. But she said to me... Did you just fly here? Huh? Did you just fly to me? Yeah. I didn't know that.

Wait, don't you have her on your show tomorrow? Yeah, I didn't know she was doing you and she canceled you. No, no, so what happened was she got in touch with me through a friend and she said, I'm going to be in New York. I'm flying out there to do Glennie's Only Stands. While I'm at your office, can I also do your show? And we ended up saying, why don't we just do it in LA? One thing leads to another.

Everyone gets busy. We weren't able to do it. But the more important fact is that Adriana, it's not that she was flying to New York to do a scene with, you know, she wasn't going to do the AVN Awards and then, oh, while I'm there, let me do OnlyStands. She's flying 3,000 miles to do your show. I know.

They all do. They all do. They all do. But you're right. But there's a difference between some of the girls you've been having and Adriana fucking Chechik. Yeah, Chechik. I mean, today we had Real Sky Bree, which was you and Shifu in for that.

But yeah. Oh, buddy. Yeah. Yeah. Yo. Tomorrow we got Chechik and Ruby Rose. So, yeah. Oh, buddy. Yeah. Yeah. Yo. Tomorrow we got Tetrick and Ruby Rose, so it's a big two days.

Dude. Ruby Rose. Wait, Ruby Rose, I thought was the actress, right? No, she's an OnlyFans model. She's big. Yeah. Ebony loves her.

Ebony loves her? Listen, we're going to have to do a proper sit-down and discuss this. We should do a sit-down. Yeah. We're going to discuss to do a proper sit-down and discuss this. We should do a sit-down. Yeah. We're going to discuss this new life course for you. But, you know, it's just amazing to see it all come out.

And fuck you, by the way, for getting Adriana. The fact that Glenn is going to get Adriana Cechik before us is bullshit. You guys are – I'm the first person hearing about this. But you knew that she was coming, right? No, I didn't know you were doing her. I'm a respect my else's guy. I would have told her to back off. No, no, no.

This all just kind of came out of nowhere, materialized from the clouds, and we were trying to squeeze it in. Oh, I'm sorry. This is news to me. I apologize. No, no, no. Do not apologize. You take that and run with it, big man.

Let us know how it goes. And then after you do those two, come on our show and discuss the new life as the king of OnlyFans. I would love that. You guys got any questions for Chetrick? I don't really know much about her. Ooh. I was going to dive into her tonight. Well, well.

You were going to dive into her. The one thing I think you can bring up now, just to start the combo, is she broke her vertebrae doing the pile driver, and she tweeted about it and said, my chiropractor told me I have fractured vertebrae and that it's 100% from doing pile driver, and I'm not going to stop doing it because it's like my signature move. So you can just start from there and let it roll. I was really about to start looking it up, because Like I said, I'm a big Sky Bree guy. I was focused on that all day.

Okay. One thing at a time. How, wait, was that, are you done with that one? You did that? Yeah, we did it today. How was it? Oh, my God. Actually, the longest you've gone, the girl was like 45 minutes in chat.

You must have been using Roman swipes, baby. We went two hours. We did two hours. She was great. She was awesome. Amazing. I love you, Glennie. Nobody's better than you. I love youipes, baby. We went two hours. We did two hours. She was great. She was awesome. Amazing. I love you, Glennie. Nobody's better than you.

I love you guys, too. Enjoy LA. I'm sorry again. Enjoy, Adriana. We'll talk. So, yeah, we had this plan of, like, we'll go to Burt. We'll do an hour with Burt, and we'll pop back to our hotel, which looks exactly like the set of Girls Do Porn right now, and sit down with the queen of the industry.

Of course, we get to Bert's. It's not a studio that he rented out. It's his home. Bert's the only people in the world who talk more than we do. We end up going for like three hours. I kind of tried to text her throughout being like, hey, we're running late. What do you think? She kind of ended up being like one of those like, well, I i'm gonna be there for a couple days and then i'm coming back

next month so if you guys are too tired we don't have to do it and i was like say no more i get where this is going i threw one last hail mary in incomplete so i'm sorry to even this is one big nothing of a nothing burger here but what one funny moment that really came from it we had to call glenny but more importantly we had to call one other guy when we thought this was going down and it's the the the captain planet of pervert captain pervert before we get this can i think another comparison i was gonna give before glenny callback i one of the reasons i thought maybe we'd have sex, and I honestly feel bad even saying that

because of course Agent Autistic wasn't going to have sex with us. That's not true. She fucks Uber drivers. I'm not saying we were going to, but any others... I honestly don't even think we should be saying it before interviewing her because I think she might be weirded out by it. But we're saying it and it's happening.

But I thought maybe because she said she might be weirded out by it. But we're saying it and it's happening. But I thought maybe because she said she was doing a scene beforehand. Right. Right, earlier in the day. Yep. So I thought, you ever have a nice dinner and then someone else doesn't finish their food and you're like, I'll take the scraps.

You pick on that, yeah. I thought maybe she'd have a nice dinner with whoever she was fucking and she'd come here and be like, I'll pick you some french fries. I mean, I think the better bet would be I had a good dinner, but I didn't have any dessert. Yeah, but my dick's not dessert. My dick is not french fries. No, your dick is not french fries.

That is literally the ones that are mushy. My dick is not a fucking molten lava cake. No, no, no. Her pussy is a molten lava cake. Your dick is delivery french fries that are soggy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they tried to poke a hole in the top to salvage it, but it didn't work. Nothing working there.

So it turns out to be a whole big nothing burger. Nothing happens. But one great moment that came out of it was we had to tell one person specifically that this was happening we had to call glenny we had to call one other guy and it's it's almost like when captain planet when the powers combined this is like captain pervert and we called upon none other than frankie barelli now we've got the time difference so it's 10 o'clock at night. In bed at 10 p.m. He's in bed with wifey.

I haven't been in bed at 10 p.m. I mean, I guess that's married in the suburbs life, but Frankie was tucked in the bed at 10 p.m. Trying to get that beauty sleep, man. That's fucking nuts, bro. Frankie, grow up. That is crazy to be in bed, tucked in lights out at 10 p.m. Feidelberg will be jeans, shoes on at that point in the night in your life. Oh, 101.

I honestly thought you were going to finish to say something. No, no. You'll have a blazer on. You'll have fucking. I am in my pants at 10 p.m. Every single night I'm in my pants and shoes at 10 p.m. Crazy. No doubt.

That's crazy. The bed is a little bit early but the jeans and sneakers all night long you know it's crazy we called Frankie and tell him the news and he goes

that's like having a catch with Joe DiMaggio and I was like that's why we called you that is why we called you right fucking there. So nonetheless, at the end of the day, we will be interviewing Adriana. But these are the things, man. It's like you take these things for granted. It's almost like a team who's like, we'll be back to the World Series.

And then you never get back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're knocking on the door. It'll get done. And then I don't know what happens. We get hit by a bus. She gets hit by a bus by a bus you know something happens and we never get that done gotta get it done it's there's a window and you gotta fucking get in that window i'm very confident that one yeah i think i think we do it yeah so that was all uh a result of uh not being

able to do her was a result of the reason we came out here we flew across the country to do one show as well something's burning with burke kreischer his revamped uh you know re reboot of his cooking show and we were invited into his house and you've you guys have heard me wax poetic about you're making me uncomfortable how you're sitting. I'm too tired laying down. So fights, if you can't see it, his feet are dangling. His moose knuckle is out. And he's just fucking sitting perfectly. He's got good posture, which is crazy.

And he's just like, hello. Hello, podcast friend. Let's talk. This is a good show. I got to sit up. I do have good posture. What's that about? My mom.

She was like a ballerina mom. I'm like... No, she'd always go like this. Right, pull it up. When I'm hunched over, when I remind myself, you gain like a foot. You're like... And then you go... And you're like, holy shit. It's like Clark Kent turned into Superman.

For real. I keep telling myself, just fucking work out like your, you know, the whatever, the shoulder blade muscles and like have the posture and you don't even need to, the rest of you can still be skinny fat, but if you've got those rounded shoulders are brutal, man. Yeah. You could like draw a line from this shoulder to this shoulder it would touch you know what's crazy my i got these tiger stripes in my in my scar how cool is that that is kind of sick because i think they cut open like freckles so i think they were

like round freckles that got shredded apart and then put back together vagina i'm not that's not cool you know what kind of really you know what this looks like a libby vagina and then this looks like the vaginoplasty the rhinoplasty and sometimes when it curves I'm like you can fuck my neck anyway we go to Bert's house

and I've waxed poetic about that man a million times to the point that I probably feel like it's weird because we're at this point obviously way more successful but we're kind of like contemporaries and in the same industry and stuff but i've always said between the comedy and the podcasting and his marketing brain and his family and how polite he is and gracious he's just like the number one pick in the game and then seeing his home is like you know it's perfect like it's. He's just like the number one pick in the game. And then seeing his home is like, you know, it's perfect. It's not like a rich, gaudy Hollywood house. It's not like we have 50 bathrooms and a fountain.

It's just like, oh, this is a little too much. It's just like a great house that has a balcony, a little porch on the second floor that overlooks this beautiful backyard that has three different sections. One's the pool, one is a swing, one is a bar,

and he's got this little back house that is the studio and everything, and I was like, man, this guy has done it right. Yeah, it's perfect. He's crushed it, you know? Like, just did did life correctly except for he lives next to apparently a dog murdering oh my god do we have is that on camera at all

the audio yeah i started filming i haven't listened to back yet okay if we have the audio i started recording like 30 seconds after it started. And it was still going. It went for like two more minutes and then one by one it stopped. It's like a wolf howl too. I hear the puppies. I hope. You're right. I hear them getting hit and stuff.

You hear the pilots. Well it stopped. I don't know if that's good or bad. Slowly just dwindled. We were talking. I'm watching the Mets through my phone. We're throwing a tennis ball around, just shooting the shit.

And all of a sudden, like. It just escalated and escalated. I was like. It was bad. But, like, oh my god. It was bad, but like my justification for it was the fact that like I couldn't hear them getting hit. So I think they were okay. Yeah, there was no like thud and then like a. Yeah, I think it was just puppies yapping in reality. But it was.

It was either that or like a mass canine murder. Yeah, it was a tough scene. It was a mass canine murder yeah it was a tough scene it's a tough scene i hope it doesn't happen a lot but the whole house is so fucking sick i mean like the studio the gym the pool i mean uh we end up golf yeah he's just like it's it's i mean it's no no surprise you guys see the way he lives his life on the show it's where he lives his life in real life but getting to meet lian and george and family. And if you're a fan, like all these people, he always talks about, and then we end up Mets up one, nothing baby.

Um, then, uh, who was it? Let me make sure it's not like late door or something. Alonzo Homer, bro. That's going to pay out like plus seven 50. If we get,

if Scherzer hits the over on his strikeouts, which he always does Mets over three and a half runs, this goes a long way to happen. Uh, uh, Mets win and Alonzo Homer. We got the hard one done already. You hit the triple.

Yeah, now we just got to get a single and a double home run for the – it's funny that – no, we hit the home run. But no, we hit the triple. No, we hit the triple. Triple's the hard one. But Burt ends up cooking for us in what is a really cool – Delicious dish. That made me shit my pants almost immediately.

Fucking delicious. It was a little bit of a white trash. Yeah, but classy. Classy white trash. Yes, exactly that. Good. But of all the Bert stuff, one of the highlights was just rolling in in steve-o's vans in the driveway yes

and steve-o had an idea it's not an idea like you know obviously it's probably gonna end up being like a jack

actually i don't i don't think this becomes a jackass sketch it's borderline i don't i don't think i'm violating any intellectual property

here uh no one tweeted steve-o about this uh there's only like one person in the world who would do this. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's like... He wanted to... I thought for a second Steve-O was asking us to do it, like, right there. Right. And I was like, fuck, I have to. Yeah, you can't say no to... Steve-O asked you to do a stunt. You have to do the stunt.

Yeah. And Steve-O goes, do you want to... You know what would be... First of all, Steve-O talks like this, that, right? And then, so he's like, dude, you know what would be so fucking sick? We got, like, a double-edged dildo, and, like, fucking, like, you paint it like a ring, right? And you fucking spray paint it on the ground, you fucking, you spray paint the double-edged dildo, and that's the sumo ring and then what you do is you fucking both put it up your ass and then you try you gotta fucking back the other guy out of the ring you gotta push him out of the ring and i was like i was like wait wait wait wait with a double-edged dildo in your

ass he's like yeah and i was like is he asking me to do this? Because fuck, I'm going to have to. I mean, no matter, if Steve-O asked me to do a stunt, no matter what it was, I would do it. You have to. Even if it's fucking do a double-sided dildo sumo wrestling match. Well, and then, did you mention the helicopter there? No, because that one, I think, has more reality happening. That might actually do it, yeah. Yeah, but there's a helicopter involved.

Nick said, though, and it's a good point, we've talked to Steve-O, but meeting Steve-O was cool. Yeah. Yeah, it was really cool. I said to both you guys, like, I got giddy. I haven't gotten, like, giddy for a guest in a long time because you kind of get used to being around all these people. We saw him for, like, two minutes.

He told that whole thing. He's so gracious. These guys are so nice. You said his shirt was sick. I didn't this shirt shirt i didn't know what was it whatever everyone who drank the kool-aid it was like jones town yeah but what was that what was that that group called um wait the the the space one hail bop heaven's gate no heaven's gate it was heaven it was a heaven's gate shirt with like the they had like a logo yeah yeah yeah i've known i i've watched this uh documentary about that and i think that they're those like you can get those shirts like it's a cool shirt

um so uh yeah be on the lookout for that uh and making burt like when we we do it when he's on our show but like doing it on his show is different it was to me at least in my mind but like there's something incredibly cool about making Bert Kreischer laugh when he laughed I was like holy shit isn't that Bert Kreischer

that's fucking wild dude and like he's obviously one of the top five name in comedy. I was like, oh my god. And he's like, you're fucking – You know what? Even better.

You're on a run with this. You were making Schultz laugh and Burt laugh and there was somebody else in the mix too. But Burt was like – Burt was almost – I think at one point was like running some bits or at least retelling a joke. He said like, I have this bit in my special. And then you said something and he was like, ooh, that's that's a better punch line yeah yeah i'm always trying to punch it up yeah yeah like you know bird stories are always a little bit you know gotta take the square root of those but the fact that i you know a very successful comic was like oh that that way is better to tell my jokes like fuck we don't do enough of this and and i know you know fans may

not care we're just talking about ourselves right here but if you've been if you've been a kc radio fan for a long time listening i would hope that maybe you're you know you knew it and are happy for us because it's like we don't go out and do enough of this shit for laziness but also barstool doesn't really like book external interviews and we don't so we don't hear from other hosts yeah we don't get introduced and get peppered with questions and the same way that we're very complimentary of our guests like that comes back when you're a guest you know and it's like damn yeah man like like burt was like yeah this will be like the third episode and talk about maybe netflix and shit and it's like oh wow this is a big deal

we get so used to it like nick said you just kind of get used to some of these things and it's important to not you know lose sight of the fact of what it's like no man this was this was really cool and you also you know when you make somebody laugh you feel like uh you feel better about yourself we went to the comedy store and saw some people that I was like, oh, wait a minute. Okay, I'm funnier than I think I am. Because we saw some funny comics and then we saw one, particularly one, we don't need to name names,

that was like it was so bad that it became an experience. I don't think I was heckling, but I was like Jesus Christ! It was like, Jesus Christ. It was a good Jesus Christ moment. It was like the SpongeBob meme.

Get this guy out of here. Yeah, truly. Like I said afterwards, if you were writing a movie and the scene was a comic bombing, this would be the written, scripted bombing. I said if there was tomatoes and heads of lettuce, people would have been throwing them on stage. People would have been booing and hissing if it was allowed. It was so bad that... He was talking to people in the crowd,

and they were like, dude, just shut the fuck up and finish your sentence. He kept being like, this crowd sucks, and people were like, we're not the problem. What's the common denominator? It's you up there, sir. And it was like a half a conversation happening. People were like, I don't want to make this go on any longer than a half. I'm not going to participate.

Just do your jokes and get the fuck off the stage. Usually, some people think that they're better than the comics, so they'll start writing No, finish. I'm not participating in this. There's something... I've never seen someone bomb. Not like that. I've never been to a...

I was going to say, I've seen a bomb, but that was... It's be real time. That was catastrophic. Let's go. This will be a good Be Real. My angle is awesome. Take your Be Real. Let's go.

If you guys aren't on Be Real, it's... You have no need to. For some reason, we get obsessed with it. It doesn't work. It never works. First of all, it's a garbage app. Second of all, I've literally never looked at anyone's picture. No. But it's the next big thing, all I've literally never looked at anyone's picture no

but it's the next big thing baby it is somehow the most self-centered social media app while trying to be like the anti-social media all I care about

is getting mine up I could not possibly care less about social media but you know what in a way in a way it's kind of good like

maybe maybe it'll get us away from checking likes and interaction stuff. Just like, I want to see some of yours. You see some of mine. I'll show you yours.

You show me mine. I was saying that to Sickler that we both did Honeydew separately. And he was – I forget what he asked. He's like – it wasn't like your 10-year plan or whatever, like where you see yourself. But I was like, I'm out. I was like – Oh, yeah.

I said something similar. I was like, I have like – it genuinely like kills me every morning. I have to get up and log on to the internet and like check. Do it again. Here we go. Bang. Oh, terrible picture of me. That is also a rule of be real.

You can retake. I don't retake. I do one shot. It's real. One and done. Yeah. So we're the only ones on that app, but it's fun if you want to do it. Get them up.

You know, in case it is big, let's be the, what do they call it, the mavens or whatever. People who are like on it early. But you also can't follow me. I feel like you can't. Because I'm not going through my likes to accept everyone. So you can't follow me. Mine, I keep getting like the occasional like notey being like so-and-so wants to follow you and I just click okay.

Oh, see, I have like hundreds of followers backed up, but I'm not going through anything. I'll say, guys do porn. That's my caption. Oh, I don't put captions either.

Just the picture. Oh, I put not filming porn. You be the judge. So, I feel like this is this month's Wordle, though.

it will be hyped for a while, but if they do upgrades it'll be better yes i think that this is social media mixed with wordle and that's why it has a chance to succeed because the once a day thing we saw people like that like they like crack yeah and if it's involved with some pictures and then i do think there's a cool element like when tiktok when people started to learn how to like you can make it look like you're ripping your head off and like all those transitions and shit and it's like who can do this app the best i think there might be an element of like you can make the picture look like you know the front picture looks like you're uh

you know i don't know you can like get creative with your picture nick did a handstand the other day yeah you know it's like the front can look this way but the back looks like i you know you know did something you know cool with it so i don't know anyway that could be the new app that it's just easy enough it ain't like clubhouse where you have to like do a dessert a fucking like a debate club you know um so anyway back let's get back to the podcast we you know we're out here we did sickler if you guys don't know ryan sickler, I'm a huge fan of him. Fights did him as well. But I told him on his podcast, when it comes to listening to shows, because we did podcasts for almost a decade without ever listening.

You still really don't. I kind of dove in, right? You don't listen to anybody still? Yeah. Which is the better way to do it because you don't want to steal people's jokes. That's it. I don't get it. I don't care why you're listening to this.

The difference between us is that I probably would if I had to's it. I don't get it. I don't care why you're listening to this. The difference between us is that I probably would if I had to drive every day. I don't drive. I live eight minutes in the office. I listen to one song on the way to work and then that's it. When you're done, yeah. And that's it.

I live so close to the office that if I don't have... You know sometimes you walk out and you're like, oh, I don't have my headphones. I don't turn around. You don't even care. I just walk out.

You know what song you should listen to? Young Gravy song. Betty, you know that? No. It's a great one. It's a Rick Astley, Never Gonna Live You don't even care. I just watch it. You know what song you should listen to? Young Gravy song. Betty, you know that? No. It's a great one. It's a Rick Astley, Never Gonna Live You. Oh, yeah.

You know Young Gravy? I've seen him on social media before. Yeah, yeah. It's an awesome remake of that. I agree with you, and I think when I listen to music, I get kind of inspired or I have good memories and shit.

Sometimes I listen to, like I need to do more of that because podcasts make me think about mine and it makes me think about takes and arguing and all that shit it's like probably bad for me I think that's why

I don't like podcasts because I don't I never like talk radio because when I was a kid just screaming and yelling my dad listened to it all the time I'm like dude can we listen to music

I don't want to listen to the wiener weiner line well that's why listen to music dude that's why I like I'm a kid who like when i grow up i don't do whatever i want and that's listen to music not listen to talk radio that's why you know very rarely are we argumentative and all that we try to like have fun with it so it's not that way but sickler with the honeydew that's the name of his show he you know his taglines are these are the stories behind the

storytellers these are the highlights of the lowlights of the highlights highlights of the lowlights and uh you can you it's like he he does like good in-depth interviews with people that you know comics i like and people i know mine's gonna stink it's not dude i thought in comparison to those kind of things yes it is i mean but that's he's awesome i you don't have to go on his show and cry you know what i mean um so we did sickler we did bert we missed on adriana uh we got brie and grace on our show uh we did the comedy store saw annie letterman for a little bit we went to josh potter and did his show out with him. And now we're going to bring in two people who are out here at the same time as us

who are doing Barstool right, man. Bree and Grace are out here with Gia and Hannah. And I've always said if we were 25 again and doing this when Barstool was as big as it is now and we were no worries in life no no kids and divorce for me no bills to worry about none of that shit you know where we could travel all the time we could still party all the time we didn't we weren't beaten down by the fucking waves of the internet all that shit i mean how fucking fun would it be yeah you know and that's uh what what a lot of the younger people and what uh brie and the girls are doing so they're out here for two weeks banging out all sorts of interviews fucking red eyes for them yeah they're they're living like in

a house for two weeks out here um which i do have to say i talked a lot of shit about la still don't ultimately think I could live here. Time differences, too much traffic, some of the lifestyle. But it is really making me realize how much New York sucks. And it's crazy that the weather matters this much. But the New York weather is the worst. Yeah. And I don't think I realized that it's like 70.

I thought it was still going to be like 85 out here. I put on low-sleeved t-shirts for a while. Yeah, you put on sweatshirts and hoodies and long pants and I'm like, fuck, yeah.

You go outside and there's a nice breeze. You go outside at nighttime and the sun is down so it's a little bit chilly. In New York, you go outside at 9.50 and there's a waft of hot,

wet air that hits you in the face. And I'm like, man, you know, when I was driving driving to sickler i turned the corner off of santa monica boulevard and there's that strip it's like semi-famous of palm trees lined you know and i was like whoa this is pretty fucking cool so i do have to give la some props uh i was wrong in some regards about that. But these girls coming out here, doing it right, and they got a house. They're living the dream. And I would imagine they're snacking on some fups. Probably morning, noon, and night.

Drunk food, sober food, breakfast, lunch, dinner. Sit down, have a bag of fups. Now, what are fups? They are a puff snack, meaning they've got cheddar cheese puffs. They've got sour cream and onion puffs. They've got salt and vinegar. But then they also got like dessert puffs that are hot chocolate flavored and cinnamon flavored. So you kind of have a snack plus a dessert.

All five flavors you can get in one variety pack, or you can just pick which bags you want, which flavors you want, in one variety pack or you can just pick you know which bags you want which flavors you want and do just that this is not some like we're the healthy version so we're selling them online like no no they just reinvented the fups the puffs game and that's why they flipped it on its head so that's the name get it fups it's like puff backwards uh and right now when you go to fups.com, that's f-f-u-p-s dot com slash KFC then use code KFC15 you get 15% off your

I know that's annoying. I told them. Your code and your URL have to be the same. That's annoying. But it's slash KFC and then code KFC15 and you can get all these big puffy bags of the fups. I personally like the fastball down the middle, the cheddar. I will inhale those puffs.

Those Phups just disappear. And then you got the chocolate to kind of like wash it down as a dessert. Unbelievable. So it's Phups.com slash KFC. Promo code KFC15. Let's bring in Grace and Bree to recap how their L.A. trip has been so far. How was the rest of the night? That's a great sweater.

I'm so glad the tattoo shop is closed. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Are we rolling? You're in this. Let's go. That is perfect. We're rolling? You're in this. That is perfect. We're rolling, Seth? Yeah.

I hope the mics pick that up. Usually they say, what, famous last words. This is famous, like, next day words. I'm so glad the tattoo shop wouldn't take us. So glad that it wasn't open. We walked forever. That went zero to 100 really quick. How did that even happen? I don't know, dude.

We were sitting at, so it's the KC Radio crew and the Plan B crew go to this little dive bar after the Comedy Store. And how did it start? We're just sitting around drinking. Nobody's in the bar. It was very low key. It was just us, yeah. And then fights. You said, let me show you the around drinking. Like nobody's in the bar. It was very low key. It was just us. And then fights. You said,

let me show you the worst tattoo ever. That's what it was. And it was that fuck love thing. Oh, yo, I don't remember that. You don't remember that. So,

so it was, it's this tattoo that it says like, fuck you. But it also says, love you. It's like the top says, you don't have that right No no no

So the fight was like I'm gonna show you The worst tattoo you've ever seen I'm thinking it's gonna be a guy With like a dick on his face Yeah And it's this thing That's pretty fucking corny

And cheesy But so he shows it I think a dick on the face Would be better If it was up to me And you're like You have to pick one of these Two tattoos

Dick on the face I'll do a dick on the face Like a teardrop style though like small she goes oh oh this is bad this is bad and you're like you're right i'm telling you i kind of want it and then it was just kind of devolved into like tattoo talk you guys both have a bunch and then the next thing we know from that and you're hammered you did not seem hammered though that's my that's what's bad about me so i'm fucking blacked out i'll be talking to people like she's just weird i'm like no she's blacked out yeah that was my i was that way when i was when i was younger people like i would watch a whole game

with guys and they'd be like good to catch up last night i was like we we hung out right and they were like we watched a nine inning baseball game together dude and i'd be like yeah sorry so i didn't know that i didn't realize you were drunk and next thing you know you two walk over to the corner top corner of the bar and take a picture of the best picture of the exit sign oh yeah i was gonna say i was like what were we gonna get? Yes! She takes a picture of the exit sign as if every exit sign in existence doesn't look like this.

There was something unique about this exit sign. And look how fucking blurry the picture is too. It's like the worst picture I've ever seen. They took it and then it's like oh really good! This is the picture. That is the best. No, no. I look at mine and I'm like like, oh, really good. This is the picture. It's that is. No, no.

It was. We're going right now. It was. It was. It was a retro. That was a retro exit sign. I'll die on this hill. I'll die on this hill.

I'm getting the exit sign. I think I was going to. Well, the whole walk we're going there. We're like, where should we get it? And I'm like, I don't know. They'll put it like right here. I think I was going to put it like a big ass exit sign. I think we're going to. We're like, where should we get it? And I'm like, I don't know. They'll put it like right here. I think I was going to put it like a big ass exit sign.

I think we're going to get him matching. I think we've hung out twice. We got matching tattoos together. Brief story the next day on TikTok. Me and my, me and my friend

who I should not be getting matching tattoos. Excuse me. Like that's some shit you guys do. I was like, new friend and then we're getting matching with. I was like, new friend? Magic tattoos?

It's like siblings and blood and best friends. I have a tattoo with my siblings and that'd be awesome. I had a tattoo with my siblings and then went with chicken fry. By the way, we keep talking about this, I'm gonna go fucking get it. We have to wrap the pod so we can make the tattoo parlor and our flight.

It didn't happen because they were closed or they said you guys are too fucked up? It did exist. Yeah. Yeah. It didn't exist.

We were like in an industrial, we were walking around like the middle of fucking nowhere. And there was like these drug dealers in the parking lot and they were, and like I just walk up to them like,

where's the tattoo shop? Like we got coke, we got whatever you need. Just tattoos. No, where's the tattoo shop? We got a needle. Yeah, yeah. We can figure something out, I don't have tats i feel like you know they most tattoos are probably drunk right but they're also not supposed to take you in your shit face but is that just like a i've been turned away before you haven't yeah i know i was scared i was like we have to pretend

that we're sober you would have been fine fine. You would have not been fine. I was the drunkest. I was the drunkest person when I was turned away. Like, it was like, it would have been a real problem. What were you going to get? I don't even remember. Probably something I eventually got. A welcome sign.

That was like, probably from the welcome sign. Yeah, I woke up. I feel like if you woke up with matching tattoos with Feidelberg, it might be like. It's not the worst thing in the world, but it's not the best thing in the world. I was like, that would have been really good for the vlog. Yeah, absolutely. Do it for the bit. Still time.

Matching exit signs. You understand it. So what's this mean? Well, you know, I tell you. It's a retro exit sign that apparently is not retro at all. It's just an exit sign in an L.A. bar. You don't understand. In the real picture, it comes through.

It would have been. I love it. You're like, no, I mean, that was different. It was. I don't believe any of you. I think you guys are all lying to us. I think you guys are retro ass. I was excited for that.

I still might get an exit sign. It was green. That's different. No, it wasn't. Look outside our door right now. It was red? It was red. Get out of town. The picture's red.

Red and green. I mean, the picture. It's all the same, bro. I think I took a picture of a different exit sign. Yeah, I think. That wasn't the exit sign that we were going to get. There was a different exit. Oh, okay. Yeah, this isn't the one. See, no. That picture. I think... That wasn't the exit sign that we were going to get. There was a different exit. Oh, okay.

Yeah, this isn't the one. See, no, that picture, I think the picture itself is red, but I think that exit sign's green. Yeah. Or black. No, this was a cool exit sign.

It was a cool exit sign. I'll die. I'll go to the group. I'm going to text Pond and be like, dude, if you're back there at that fucking bar tonight... No, I'll go back.

Give me a date. Oh, yeah, sorry. I'll go back, yeah. Well, that was like the... that was the wrapping up the bar. On the way to the bar, shit almost went down with this dude. I'm imagining was either walking to or from the Saddle Ranch. Looked like younger dude. Yeah.

TikTok kid. Hammered. It was this crew plus Josh Potter. I was in the back of the line. Josh was in the front. And Josh had his head turned and was telling a story while he walked. And I watched it materialize last second. And I was like, ah!

Because this guy was marching down the block. Yeah, it looked like he had just gotten in a fight. Yeah. I feel like he was on fucking crystal meth. He was on, like, he was angry drunk. It was not like a sloppy drunk. He had tunnel vision, like, I't like he was angry drunk. It was not like a sloppy drunk He had like tunnel vision like I'm gonna fuck something up he threw his shoulder right into Potter's chest and

I can't believe Potter didn't go fucking fold like a house of cards. He got Yeah, and so and this guy was like you want to fuck a you know out of his mind drunk There was no reason for it at all item. I think this kept happening on the whole walk as his friend was like Every person he sees. I was like you're never going to get home. You're going to walk by the comic store and then this and that like you're going to fight the whole fucking city. But I thought we had kind of

like kept moving and then I turn around and I got Feidelberg who's loose and you're always down to throw a couple punches. Nicky Bouncer we all forget used to bounce in Iowa in college.

It was at a bar that we served dollar whiskeys and it was just a full pint glass of whiskey. Crack some skulls, right? Yeah, we fucked some people up. So I turn around. And he was like, my inner bones is coming out soon. That's why I was worried. So I turn around and I he was like, my inner bones is coming out soon. That's why I was worried. So I turn around and I'm like, oh, no.

And then you are in the middle of all of them. I had to protect my best friend. My tattoo buddy. I wanted to be – I like – the guy kept it moving. I was like, I totally could have got punched in the face. I wanted to be like, you're too famous to bring. You get out of here. You, no, I need you to be healthy.

We have too much money to lose. Nobody's doing this tonight. Bad mode coming out. We're not fighting on the streets of LA right now. Kind of badass, though. Here's the thing. That dude would have lost. Yeah, he was a tiny dude.

Brianna was pulling like a, no, you don't need this. This isn't you. You don't like this. You're not like this. You're pulling like a, no, you don't need this. This isn't you. You don't like this. You're not like this. You're not like this. You're better than that. I love, after that happened though, they were saying that you guys

have been trying to get arrested on your tours. Oh, for sure. It's not working. I got tips. I was asking. I was like, you can just arrest me. I was laying in the middle of the street in front of a cop car.

They come out and they're like, honey, just get up. I'm like, arrest me just arrest me. I was laying in the middle of the street in front of a cop car. They come out and they're like, honey, just get up. I'm like, arrest me. Take me. She's like, no. I'm like, yes. Please. We call that white privilege. I know.

I know. It's bad. We're trying to get arrested. So fucking bad. Grace was like, we just want the merch, the mugshot merch. Please. I was like, oh, man. When you guys inevitably do get it, because you will get arrested, those mugshot shirts

are going to fucking fly. Oh, my God. I know. I cannot wait. It's going to be good. And I'm going to look like a fucking nut. When I get drunk drunk, I look crazy. Have you been arrested?

No. No. Partially. I've been detained. Partially? It was 4th of July. Yeah, no mugshot. It was what? It was 4th of July they were busy

they said I'm too busy to put you in the tank so you're gonna have to come back here for court it was in Martha's Vineyard so I had to take the ferry back in the winter

it was awful I lost my license for a fake ID really? yeah I didn't know that that's bullshit such bullshit

I've been put in time out before I've been arrested before in like a cell no just like he made me like sit like crisscross applesauce

it was that country fest and I was trying to turn it into I had just gone to Preakness and I was like Preakness was so much

better than this I'm gonna turn this into Preakness so I was like cracking beers and just throwing them into the crowds oh my god

I was cracking it open first it wasn't a full I was in split skull. Killing people. Yeah. And again, white privilege.

Yeah, they're sick. It was my 21st birthday. I was like, dude, I don't want to rest on your birthday, but like,

just sit down for five minutes and have a water. And I did, and he's like, and he stood there, he stood by me while he watched.

And I was like, all right, you can go now. I was like, just so you know, that did nothing. I go right back to what I was doing. I got arrested

for a suspended license. And I... That's smooth. Yeah. It was like, I need a better story. But I was, I made an illegal turn

that like, I knew it was illegal, but it's one of these things like if I go the right way, I hit three more lights or I could just go, yoink, and the cop was ahead of me. And that's like illegal. You can't like pull somebody over if the cop's ahead of you. You saw me through your rearview mirror?

I think not, sir. That's exactly what happened. He saw me dip out. So I went this way. He went down and around, and I saw him come back that, like, we passed each other, and I just knew it. I was like, I don't know how, but I know that he's here for this. So I parked the car outside of, it was Shane Keegan's apartment, and I watched him spin

a Yui, and as he was pulling up behind me, I just get out of the car and run inside to pick up the kids. And I stayed, I stayed, like, inside, I got them ready and shit. And we were going to school. Shay's like poo at this point. And, no, she's like four. And I walk outside

and the cop is still fucking sitting there. Really? I got a quote on the hit. Yeah. Yeah. And I've had a couple run-ins with like getting pulled over

and shit. And it's always an older black guy who would never know anything about barstool. I'm always like, please just be a young white guy. Please be a young white guy. Well, dude, you know what's so crazy? When I did the Woods show, like the Rones show, and I like left and I kept driving back, we were driving in New York and I thought I was getting pulled over.

This cop like pulled up next to us, rolls the window down. They're like, we're on a chicken fry. Can I get a selfie? I'm like like what the fuck you know these cops in New York City always know when they like

they like put on the megaphone and like oh what up yeah yeah yeah but I guess like I'm in the burbs and this guy doesn't know so he's like

he runs my plates he runs my plates or whatever and he's like do you know your license is suspended and I was like I don't

and he goes it's like ten times suspended and I was like that's just not true but? And I was like, I don't. And he goes, it's like 10 times suspended. And I was like, that's just not true. But I guess I had like a court thing that I missed 10 times. So I had like a 10X suspension. And he fucking cuffed me. I was like, oh, okay.

Cuffed? I was like, let me get my nanny. In front of the kids? So that's the thing. I was like, I was supposed to take Shay to school. I call my nanny. I'm like, can you come down? Can you drive?

And I'll just hop in shotgun. And he's like, no, no, no. I need to take the car. And I'm like, literally, I have Shay right there. And I'm like, are you fucking doing this for real? You fucking dick. Cuffs me. What?

Puts me in the back of the car. Those are not comfortable. You've been in the back of the car? Yeah. Where it's like the plastic seats and shit. Yeah. And leaves me there for like a couple minutes while people are driving by and i'm like jesus fucking christ man so i'm like this oh like right in front of your house

and then yeah and then it was an apartment building so it's not like as bad but then we get to like the station and he cuffs me to the fucking like shut up you know you sit while they're running your your info and shit and he cuffed me to like fucking like – Shut up. You sit while they're running your info and shit. And he cuffed me to like – so I couldn't run. I was like, this is nuts, man. This is not white privilege. You know this is supposed to go, right? I'm white, right?

I know this. That's a violent crime. So that's what I got. I need a better arrested story than that. My favorite one is like – I got arrested a bunch of times for underage drinking before I was 21 and one was me and my buddy

were already put in the back of a cop car and our other friend who was with us had a fake arm he was just born with one arm so he has a fake

bionic who? what? I don't think I know this oh I mean I've told this one it's a much longer story than this

but I don't think I know your one arm Trent oh no you haven't met him that's him he's from fitchburg um and uh he's in the trunk of the basement but the uh there were me and two but me and one buddy are sitting in the back of the car we're already rested we're we're very uncomfortable as you mentioned um and this this fucking see they're cuffing me the last guy and she is about to grab she grabs one arm grabs the real arm then grabs the second and she goes what the hell is this and we start like like honestly it looks like we're fucking in the back of the car because

we're laughing so hard the cop car is like rocking. And then we finally gather ourselves. We get a little pause. And then there's a silence that falls over the backwoods of Lemonster Mass. And she goes, well, what the fuck do I do with it? And he just goes, uh, I guess treat it like any other. What do you, like like how do you cuff Yeah can you just take it off

Or something And then as soon as he got in the back of the car he popped his arm off She didn't like that very much That's awesome Almost want to have one arm If I had a fake arm I would go get arrested and be like What you gonna do cop That's awesome. Boom! Almost want to have one arm. I know. If you're getting arrested a lot. If I had a fake arm, I would go get arrested and be like, what you going to do, cop? Yeah.

You could totally be a criminal with just one arm. Yeah, absolutely. Flip him off with just one. He said he'd actually, he'd been arrested before as well. And it was like, I feel like he was at some music festival in Miami or something. And he was storing his drugs in his arm. Oh, shit. But no, they caught it.

They caught it they caught it that's actually probably not smart they're probably like they probably check yeah it's like John Mulaney's new joke

when he's talking about going to rehab and he went into rehab Mulaney went into rehab with like five grand in case there were drug dealers in there

like he has bricks of drugs 60 Adderalls three balls of coke and like something else that's insane and he had it all stuffed in that you know that little zip pocket and like a else and he had it all stuffed in that little zip pocket

in like a winter coat he had it all put in there and he's like the first thing they looked at the drug pocket and I was like how do I know about this it's what we do it's called the drug pocket that's a financial loss

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We're reckless. We're stupid. We're dumb guys. Well, any pair that they lose will be replaced by Shady Rays free of cost. It's ShadyRays.com slash KFC. We're going to get into some Am I the Asshole here. This one? What we do here is we figure out who's the asshole.

All right. So this is actually an article from the post more so and am i the asshole submission but my boyfriend eats his air earwax and eye crusts i'm grossed out but he won't stop so this is a uh not even his boogers his ear have some respect. Eat your boogers. Do not roll. Oh, God.

I didn't even think of that. I should have thought of that. Pussy. He's such a pussy. Oh, my. He's next. He's your next. Oh, we're all hung over here.

She's going too. She's going crazy. It's like a trauma bomb. This is like Family Guy where they're all puking on top of each other. I did not do this on purpose. I honestly always forget.

Can you pass me my bag? I'm going to need a drink. This is fucking ridiculous, you guys. No, God no. I just need a drink. Are you crazy? This is fucking ridiculous, you guys. No, I'm not. No, God, no. I just need a drink. Here, we have like straight up. This is the worst.

This is the worst. You two really are best friends. Get your magic tats if you like puking together or something. I did, I guess I should have thought of this. I don't know. Jesus Christ. Do you have a puker, too? Oh, yeah.

No, I have. Let's see. This is actually, I guess, a good debate. Who has the puker? Which team has the puker, Brianna or John? I would argue that I have the puker. Yeah. Yeah.

You have hangover pukes, but if you were sober, if you were fine right now, would you have puked? Um, yeah. Really? Just the sound. We straight up might have to skip this question. Yeah, no, I'm not doing that again. I can't believe I didn't think of this, but like, yeah. I just want to say one more thing. Wax is really tangy.

I'm gonna do it again. Have you? What a kid. You've dabbled? Yeah. I think ear wax is probably the grossest of things. I'm just saying

I'm not going to talk about I'm just thinking about between cum and sweat and all the bodily things. It's good, right? Wax is really gross. between like cum and sweat and all the bodily things. Yeah. It's good, right? Wax is really gross. Wax is really gross.

Yeah, we can just move on from that. I didn't, I can't believe I still forgot. Yeah, that was fucking crazy, man. But by the way, like real quick, jump to the, like cut to the chase. You're the asshole if you do that. You're an adult now. What the fuck?

You know what? If you do weird shit like behind closed doors, fine. You know, you ain't hurting me. But if it's in public or to the point that your girlfriend knows and then says to you, bro, you got to stop, you got to stop. And you can't stop? Yeah, that's like fucking crazy. At least tell her you stopped and then do it in the closet. What's the grossest?

It's like you're eating a steak. You got to stop. I'm not finished yet. Oh, it's a never-ending steak. What's the most embarrassing thing you do behind closed doors that you wouldn't want? Perfect. What's your deepest, darkest secret? Nobody's listening.

Don't worry. What's the most disgusting thing about you? Will you pick a booger? Oh, I pick my nose a lot. Yeah, you're a nose picker. I'm a nose picker. I always pick my nose on the podcast. I think you should be that sh lot. Yeah, you're a nose picker. I'm a nose picker. I always pick my nose on the podcast. Yeah.

I think you should be that shamed. Yeah. Especially if it hurts or you can feel it or whatever. If you're just sitting there digging, you're gross. But if it's like,

I don't know, you got a thing and you just get in there and you're like, whatever. You shouldn't be knuckle deep. I care about my appearance.

I don't want a booger hanging on my nose. Yeah. I care about how I look on camera. I care about myself. I pick my nose if I'm too conceited. It's quite an argument. I care about how I look on camera. I care about myself. I picked my nose because I'm too conceited.

It's quite an argument. I like it though. Let's see if we have another one. Well, we did, we went on Josh Potter's show,

the comic we were with. Actually, before we do that, we're not going to name names, but we mentioned briefly the fucking religious experience that we went through of watching that guy.

Best comedian of all time. Oh my God. It was epically bad. And I'll just say this. I ran into another, I was talking to another comic today and I said, yo, we went to the comedy store last night

and we saw X, I said, we went in and we watched XYZ and he went, at the same time he went, crush. And I was like, no. Oh, really? He thought, it was like, at the same time, he went, crush. And I was like, no.

Oh, really? He was like, he thought, you know, it was like I was going to say, like, we saw Bill Burr at the comedy store, and he crushed. I said, we saw blah, blah, blah. And he, and I was like, bombed, dude. No. He was like, I've never seen that before. Like, he always crushes. I was like, skeptical.

I think he was saying he was sober. I think he might have relapsed last night. Oh, for sure he needs to be drunk or whatever whatever that was we need the opposite yeah

that was painful that was like bad but also I really genuinely think it's it was a better memory like if this whole crew

we've all like haven't ever all hung out together if we went and we just saw a comedy a stand up comic and it was funny

it would be like cool for the rest of our lives if I run into any of you, I'll be like, do you remember that guy? That will be – He was a headliner too. I want to get him. Let's all get tattoos of that guy's face. Yeah. We'll remember that for hours.

Yeah. Below the exit sign. Yeah. It's still there. Now it's full circle. You should have exited stage. Yeah. It was so fucking bad.

That was amazing, right? Like, I mean, people were looking at each other sitting there like watching him like with his fist i was like it's gonna be okay it's gonna be okay we'd go it's a wild world the stand-up comic world where it's very like a lot of politics and who gets stage time and who gets passed and who doesn't i would be furious if i was like fighting for a spot and then I saw that going on oh my god just blaming the crowd which is like I think the easiest like cop-out ever like oh you guys are not laughing at my funny jokes actually we're podcasters and we're funny I am We pick our nose on podcasts. Yeah. We're all sitting there, I could do way better. I know. Like, genuinely, though?

Yeah. Like, genuinely. I am very hyper aware that stand-up comedy, you know, is, like, the hardest thing in the world. So hard. And we might get a couple laughs

on a podcast, but a stand-up routine is, like, forget about it. I will never say that I could do that. I could do better when we meet in a restaurant. Yeah, for sure.

I think we could have all tapped each other in and out. Yeah. Each tell one joke. I'm not talking, like, give me some time, like, to come up with a routine. I probably could have just, like, grabbed the mic and done bus. Yeah, for sure. I think we could have all tapped each other in and out. Yeah. Each tell one joke. I'm not talking like give me some time like to come up with a routine. I probably could have just

like grabbed the mic and done better. Yeah. That was crazy. I felt like I was in 1982 maybe like with those Bush jokes. It was so dated. Yeah.

Not Bush like the president but like a female. He just kept getting more homophobic and racist because he thought they would hit. He said something about like this girl's bush was so big

she was hiding a gun in it and that was just like the punchline. I was like, okay. I've seen some big bushes. They couldn't fit a gun in them. That's not real, dude. I definitely fuck.

The punchline is too far from reality. I can't follow the journey. So we were there with Josh, and that's why I brought that up. So we went on his show Monday night when we got in. And this was the latest M on the Asshole going viral. Right now I'm staring at my wall of sneakers. I've got about 100 pairs of sneakers all in these different boxes and cubbies in my bedroom, and I've got to move all of them because I was a man-baby who decided to buy sneakers,

and now that I'm a full-blown adult, I gotta move them so I don't have to actually box them up and send them to my new apartment. So I'm looking to move my sneakers. Where am I gonna do that? eBay, the number one place to buy and sell your sneakers. Whether you're a reseller and you're trying to make some money, whether you're a custom creator

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authenticity guaranteed go to ebay.com today to buy and sell your sneakers girlfriend boyfriend been dating for i think years i want to say 15 i don't know yeah long term terminal cancer she's gonna die that sucks dying wish was to fuck her ex-boyfriend again one more time. And she requested that from her. Is this real? Well, if you trust the internet. It was a submission. People being like, you know, the boyfriend was like,

what do I do? Am I the asshole for not wanting this? That laugh was amazing. She's like, he, he, he, he, he. I mean, you know. I mean, she's fucking dying. Well, so here's what I said. You're the asshole for fucking telling me and request like, I don't know.

Just go do it. Just be like, I got to go get chemo today and go get banged out by your ex-boyfriend. And then be dead in a couple months and nobody's the wiser. Yeah. You get your final dream and I don't have to think about how I just flushed 15 years down the toilet with Cancer Girl. Who was thinking about fucking her ex-boyfriend the whole goddamn time. That's fucking brutal. She's kind of a cunt.

That's what it means. It's not like, it really means like, that means every time you fucked her for your whole relationship, she probably was thinking about you. You wish it was your ex, yeah. Every single time she was like, don't. Like before, as you're taking her pants off,

let's say your ex's name was Jake. Every time you're taking her pants off, she goes, don't say Jake, don't say Jake. I've fucking done that so many times before. Yeah. Wait, you said you fucked that up before? I've done that before. No, I say it in my head.

Don't say it in my head. Don't say it in my head. I used to think that was very like a movie cliche. And then like after you fuck somebody and then you fuck someone who's not good. Like once you've lived it, you're like, oh no, that's kind of a real thing. Definitely a real thing.

You might be caught up in the heat of the moment and say something wrong. That's why I just usually don't say names. I don't either, but for some reason, it's like,

it wants to say it. It's like Michael Scott when he gets out of there going to say how the Michael Scott paper company is worthless, has no money, and they're like,

just don't say it has no money. The elevator opens and he goes, oh, I'm going to say it. Yeah. That is exactly how I am with other people's names. I never use it.

I'm like, oh, I'm going to fucking do it. I know I'm going to do it. But, like, at the same time, you know, I don't know. It is your dying wish. If you're croaking, you get what you want. Yeah. No, I would. She would not die of cancer anymore.

She'd die of a bullet to the head. I'd fucking kill you. How about that? It's dragging. I actually wouldn't kill you. I would get away with it. I wouldn't kill her. If I shot her in the head, the doctors would be like, this wasn't cancer.

But if I just suffocated her. You think? This was not cancer. If I suffocated her in her sleep, I'd be like, this wasn't cancer. But if I just suffocated her. You think? This was not cancer. If I suffocated her in her sleep, I'd be like, dude, the cancer. It went to stage four way faster than you thought it was going to. Go to one of those chemo treatments. You just put an air in her vein. Yeah.

More appropriately, you should just say to the doctor, it's like, well, here's what happened. She told me she wanted to fuck her ex-boyfriend. And then you go, okay, yeah, it was cancer. Got you, bro. We just ran it by the death panel, and yeah, it turns out that's a good one. Say no more. I mean, trying to play devil's advocate, I guess it's kind of like, you know, if you

are about to check out, relationships are something we kind of made up here on planet Earth with different rules and shit. We're talking about you and your, like your primal desires before you kick the bucket. You want to go do it, but I just don't think you have to. You don't have to tell. I'm on Homegirl's side, but just do it on her side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Cheat on me. Just don't tell me.

If I'm crooked, I won't do everything I wanted to do. Honestly, I don't care if you're dying. That's whether you're dying or not. Don't tell me. If we got something good going and you slip up, or even if it's cereal constantly happening, just don't tell me. I promise you good going and you slip up or even if it's cereal constantly happening just don't tell me I promise you

I'm not going through your phone keep that shit as long as if you if we are good and things between us keep going well

then we're good dude when I'm seeing a girl and she tells me her phone password I'm like what the fuck I don't even want to know it I don't even want to know it bitch

why'd you do that I actively try and forget. I just start yelling out random numbers. Hey, my password is 2468. I'm like, 5, 3, 9, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Trying to men in black. I don't want to know

any of that. Yeah, I mean, is there any spin zone where you would not... I don't know. Is there any detail of the story that maybe could make it be like, well, okay. If she was actually dead, he can fuck her. That's my spin zone. I was like, the moment you die – give me his number.

The moment you die, I'll call him and tell him to come over. I promise. If it was like – And then I'd just fuck with him i'd be like dude it's her dying wish for you to fuck her dead you have to fuck her right now like and by the way uh you mind if i watch okay okay what is that case what if it's like i want to do some group shit and you're involved what about that that's way better. That's a different question. Yeah, there's more wiggle room there. Yeah.

Because you're involved. How about this? I get to fuck my ex-boyfriend as my dying wish. You can fuck that guy's girlfriend. What movie is it? We get a little swap. What movie is it where the girl is, like, having sex? She's, like, a killer.

She's, like, having sex. Oh, Jennifer Lawrence? In the middle of sex, she, like, sweats up at night. And the guy... Jennifer's body? No, that's Gone Girl. Gone Girl! Gone Girl! She's like having sex and then like in the middle of sex, like sweats up at night. And the guy. No, that's a gone girl. Gone girl. Gone girl. Yes, yes, yes.

I'd fucking gone girl that dude. Be in the middle of the night full tower and have a fucking switchblade at my ass. Contraband, baby. You'll see him one day. Yeah, there's just no, I mean, like, could you imagine saying that like i wonder also if it was like hey i'm dead soon i have a dying wish because that sounds like you know she it's probably that because she wants to do this and she's coming up with some way to to justify it

right but even worse than that imagine if you're like, hey, baby. Is there anything? Yeah. What's the one last thing you want? And you're thinking like, let's fly to Paris. And she's like, I want to get dicked down by Roger again. It's like, fuck you, baby. I would never say,

if I say I was dying of cancer, my dying wish was to fuck my ex. I'd do the normal human thing and not say that. Yeah. Like, I lead my life not for my own pleasures. I just try and make everyone around me kind of happy. Yeah.

And she's going to get real mad if I say what I actually want. So can I go to Universal Studios? Can I go to Harry Potter World? Me and the rest of them make a wish. They really got a great Fast and Furious ride over there. But I guess that's the point is that's how you usually live. I'm like,

wish I was fucking my Instagram. Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it. If that's how you normally live your life, but now, that's the point.

Now you're about to die and you're like, I'm about to be selfish one last time because... Well, I wonder if you know when you're about to die you just like don't care

about anyone's feelings anymore. You're just like, I'm going to say crazy shit. Or you go through some shit where you're like, you realize... That's actually what's happening....I could just being if you know when you're about to die you just like don't care about anyone's feelings anymore you're just like I'm gonna say crazy shit you go through some shit where you're like you realize that's actually what's happening that's actually what's happening with old people it's not yeah it's about to die yeah it has nothing to do with like growing up with before Jim Crow era laws it's just like I don't give a fuck about anybody I'm dying all right so we're all out. She's the asshole, right? Yeah, that's fucked up.

And if he... I also think he's the asshole if he says yes. Oh. Like, you're an asshole for... You're an asshole. You have no self-respect. Bro, I would be like, dude, I actually, I would be like kind of... I would be so mad.

I would be so mad. Ruins everything. Like, now I don't want to go to your funeral. Now I don't want to, I'm never going to have a fond memory of you. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I'm glad you're dying of cancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Literally. You're going to make me say some things I really, really regret. I mean, that is brutal. I would break up. I'd be like, guess who's driving themselves to chemo now? Yeah. I'm fucking out. You think I'm using another sick day on you?

Not a fucking fat chance. I got a universal trip to save myself. How about she does fuck him, and he does let her go, and then she doesn't die of cancer? Ooh. What if this is the long con? What if this chick is just so, like, I can't break up with him, but I have to fuck this guy again.

She fakes cancer just to be able to fuck her ex-boyfriend again. That's the long con that I'd be like, I respect it. Yeah. Maybe you bet she crazy. That's just gone, that I'd be like, I respect it. Yeah, I would just go fuck that guy. Maybe you bet she crazy. That's just gone, girl. You want to do some voicemails? Do we have them, Nick?

Yeah. Voicemails today are brought to you by 3Chi. We are going to leave here and hit the airport for the Red Eye home and your boy's going to be dabbling in some 3Chi

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promo code STOOL5 for 15% off. What do we got? Nikki Voicemail. Alright, this is the PlanBree KC Radio Voicemail Crossover. What do we got? Nicky Voicemail. All right. This is the Plan Bree KC Radio Voicemail Crossover. What do we got? I like the segments.

Keeps it going. What up, guys? Just listening to the most recent podcast and said something about the guys that say it's fun being a dad.

And then you're like, fuck that. Shit's tiring. It's hard. It's a pain in the ass. It's not fun. I guess my question is,'re like, fuck that. Shit's tiring, it's hard, it's a pain in the ass, it's not fun. Guess my question is, is like, what's something that you have been telling yourself that you just realized you've been lying to yourself about

for like a super long time? Good question. I do think that people try to convince themselves that parenting is cool and it's not. You know, it's fulfilling and it's like, you know, special and special and all that shit but it's like literally i would do the opposite of this if i had no kids like i'd be out i'd be having fun i'd be hanging out instead i'm doing all this bullshit with you so it's not objectively not fun when you try to tell yourself no no i had fun with them at the park it's like no you didn't because if they weren't around you wouldn't go to the

playground you would be at the bar with someone else. So no, it's not fun. That's some deep shit. I know. You've been telling yourself that. You can go real deep with that or you can be. I don't fucking. I don't lie to myself that often.

I think you exclusively lie to yourself. Yeah, but that was a lie. You caught me. I think it's also, it's like the macro, macro, micro, like on the whole, I am lying to myself about my life. Yeah, yeah. I was going to say, I'm like happiness. Like I'm excited to do things. Right, right, right. No, I'm fucking miserable and I hate my life in which I was dead. But I don't lie.

Yeah, yeah. So like, I'm not, I guess. You're not lying. Right there, I just told the truth for a second the rest of the day is gonna be he got horizontal the fucking the box is gonna be fucking the lie detector yeah yeah i mean i guess there are times where i like with this job i'm like no I really like it I was going to say too that's what I was going to say too I was thinking that too

no it's the best job ever it's so cool I'm like it's so fucking hard I was going to say it I don't think that was just a given that's why I went more I took it more broad I was like I don't think that was just a given that's why I went more I took it more broad I was like I don't like life what happens is you know

if you've worked a real job before and you know that life it sucks and so I do have in the back of my head like I could never go back to that life and so the fact that I got out of it it's like getting out of prison I'm not going back there

so there is that but with that comes I like entertaining people and I like making a difference in people's days I don't give a fuck about any of that but when someone comes up to me and says hey man I went through a really dark period in my life where my cancer girlfriend wanted to fuck my ex-boyfriend.

And your podcast really got me through it. I'm like, that is cool. I genuinely am like, cool. But I was not seeking that. I did not need that. You told me that. And I forgot about that. Also, I'm always like, really?

I did that too. I helped the what? You didn't kill yourself because of me? If you said that about, like, I can't even think of a podcast that would matter that much. But if it was a really important person, a smart person. Oprah.

Yeah, I guess like Oprah. We're doing coops after this. She won't answer our calls. Here's what I've been lying about. Thomas Cooper's nice. That, to me, I can't imagine this saving someone's life, but it did. I know. I'm very happy to hear that.

Yeah. But it's not something that... But if the checks stop coming, you'd be dead. Yes. Good riddance. That's a must-winner. Yeah. But to be clear, I'd be dead. Yes. Good riddance. Yeah. But to be clear, I do it for the money.

That's a nice little side note. Go to therapy. If you think about it, there's probably, you know, like, let's say one person per show that we do tells us that. A few people. By the way, while we're on the subject real quick, one of your grandma's again that tomorrow yeah that's just the fact I like to be telling one of their grandmothers is gonna die it won't be She was fucking her ex-boyfriend. That'd be a corpse situation.

The amount of people who have told us that in person and probably said that in the DMs and all that, if you added all those people up and we did stop the podcast, there'd probably be a couple other people. Mass genocide. Yeah. Trump would have won. Trump.

Lost a lot of blue votes there. That's great. Any other? You can only hope. There's got to be a million, a zillion people who would answer this question saying, like, their relationship. You know, there's a ton of people who are like, yeah, I'm happy Yeah, life. I'm happy with I think maybe not like I believe in like monogamy

I don't I don't think I do. Well, I I don't but I do because like there are times where I'm like, I think Biologically we are just not supposed to do this and then especially when you add in like back in the day when you're you in your little town and you're like, okay, this guy or this girl fits. This is all I know. Let's just get married and do it. People used to – like they met 16 people the opposite way. That's – yeah.

Now you can find your exact soulmate who likes everything you like and dislikes everything you like, looks exactly what you want him to look. It can take a while, but it's a possibility. And you can go through the apps or just social media. You talk to people, whatever. So there's kind of this. And I also just think there's multiple people that you should be with. It's like the idea of one soulmate. I don't believe it at all.

But then, so part of me thinks like, don't be single, travel, do well at work, live the life. But then there's like, for me at least, there's a driving, like I want someone at night to like chill with, eat with, sleep with, snuggle with, all that shit, you know? So that also feels like a impulse that's like coming from somewhere too. So that's what makes it fucking hard. That's the bullshit, you know?

Yeah. You know what I mean? You're like, once the sun goes down mean you're like an anti-werewolf I need touching it's like you want to be single on a Saturday night and in a relationship on a Sunday night it's kind of an old adage but

I honestly think I'd rather the opposite really basically I'm just going to say don't touch me on a Sunday ever what the fuck was that Really? Basically, I'm just going to say don't touch me. On a Sunday? Ever. We have been in relationships where we're laying on the couch and it's like, what the fuck was that? Your hand's hot. You're sweaty.

You're weird. Oh, I'm not arguing that people should be like me. We started this answer with I hate my fucking self. If I could make some changes uh accepting human touch would be up there i think uh if i could like i've been saying that i think there should be a course in college that is not about like book smarts but more like life shit and one of them i think should be like a course in relationships like here's how to break up here's how to like you. Here's how to like,

you know, here's some steps. If you're going to move in, here's what's going to happen. Like all that kind of shit, because I don't think people know how to like do any of it. And it, and it like,

that's part of the problem too, is with the, yeah, I would love, I'm so bad at breaking up with people. I wait like years. Yeah. You should be taught that it's like,

it's okay. You're probably doing it because you don't want to hurt feelings. I feel bad. I'm like, yes, but you should be, somebody should teach you that it's – you're probably doing it because you don't want to hurt feelings. I feel bad. I'm like, yes. But you should be – somebody should teach you it's okay to break up with someone. I know. If you do it the right way, you're not an asshole about it and all that shit. Like if you're allowed to say, I want to take my life in a different direction and that sucks and it hurts.

But you know what? Like a month from now or like a year from now, you'll be the person dumping someone and like this is life. This is how it goes. The same way of like you leave jobs and you get new you know you leave apartments you live you know you you try out life and you have every right to say these things but you know you feel bad or guilty and you get trapped and then it gets bad and ugly and it's like that's the kind of shit that makes you be like i don't you know monogamy sucks it's like what if we did it right and we did it different maybe it it wouldn't be yeah i think nobody you guys are all crazy. I don't think anybody under 27 should be in a serious relationship.

That nature just keeps going higher and higher. It used to be like no one in high school should have a girlfriend. No one in college, eventually they're going to be like, if you're under 63, you need the AARP card. But really, as the world gets more and more, because of the internet and technology and all this shit, like, you can live, like, the craziest, wildest life, and you're going to, like, settle down when you're fucking 21. We were out in Chicago after our show, and there was a bachelorette party.

And these girls knew us, and she was like, can we bring the bride over and, like, do shots or whatever? And then she said to me and the three other guys we were with had all either been married or were married. And she was like, do you have any advice? And we go, how old are you? And she said 23. And the whole table in front of her face went. And I was like, well, the advice would have been good

about six months ago before you said yes. My advice now would be to give the ring back and call it off. But I think that's just so crazy. So crazy. But I'm like, you know. Well, maybe they're from that small town. Well, she said, we're from Canada.

So, and I was like, what does that mean? Nadine's getting tied down like that? But, like, maybe it works for you. But I bet what's happening is you think it works for you. And in about five years, you're going to be like, fuck. I shouldn't have done this. I wish I'm the best. it's not gonna work yeah let's do a couple more what we got all right what's up kevin fights nikki and uh the kids i got a little backstory though um

is men can get something called orgasm headaches, something women cannot receive, not because they can't have an orgasm, but, I mean, that might be part of the problem too. Regardless, they're essentially tension headaches that are caused by us coming. They root from not really knowing the cause, but it's usually if you're really stressed out, et cetera, you can get these headaches.

They can be super mild, last like 30 minutes, and then it's over, or lasts up to 48 hours um long story short i end up with these headaches one time my wife having sex i came and had an absolutely brutal migraine 40 hours straight had to take two days off of work it was brutal but as us males go we always try to find a way to have sex even when we're dealing with pain. So my wife and I figured out the only way that we could have sex was if I were to lay flat on my back like a fish and did breathing exercises throughout. And then I could cum without having one of these brutal headaches. So essentially, I would be like laying there flat and I would have to count to three and do a big...

And then I don't allow. To be completely honest, it's the most unsatisfying cum I've ever had in my life. Even brutal more part of it is this lasted about, I think, 125 days was the final count. Once it finally went away, thank God. But it was awful. Every single time it was a solid migraine or I'd have to stop midway through because i could not get through man i don't think i think you have a brain tumor this is the most emasculating voicemail we've ever gotten in my life duane johnson could send a fucking video of him just bench pressing and i feel like more of a man than i do right now

this dude comes so hard he uses sick days i come like a little pussy and just fucking get up and go about my day this dude comes and calls it he's got to hit the doctor you know fellas orgasm headaches yeah you said that's so casual could you look sick fucking brag that's why he's on the flowers the whole fucking day. I get people at work thinking I'm not coming because I'm coming. Coming so hard.

I'm not going to kick shit, but what's with this fish shit? I'm doing my breathing exercises. Let's do the fish thing tonight, honey. I gotta be honest. That's probably enough for me to not fuck you oh yeah I've been looking for an excuse for 48 hours sorry I'm gonna have a bang cuz you know you gotta do that but then you gotta act for 48 hours you can walk

around be like oh I got a flight in the morning I can't be coming. Yo, that, for real. 35,000 feet with a migraine, they don't have extension up there. I mean, that's a... Sounds like a you problem, my boy. Yeah, that's not universal. What was his ultimate question? Was he just bragging that he comes the hardest? Yeah, did he have a question?

I didn't want to put his face in. That's what I said. Oh, so that's the worst I didn't want to put his face in. That's what I said. He's going to have a migraine for 48 hours afterwards. And Jack uses wheelbarrowing. How about that? Oh, so that's the worst version of sex. What? We answered it. What was his question?

Would you still have that for 48 hours? See, that's something I would probably... Oh, I totally would. I would say... Good. I don't really fuck very often, so I would be so down for that. You could chop my head off. I don't fucking care.

It would be a euphoric headache for me. I'm like, this is awesome. Finally! So, yeah. I feel like that's something if you, in the beginning, you say no, and then eventually you're like, all right, I'm just going to have headaches. Right? Yeah.

Yeah. I guess it's like drinking, right? Yeah. You have a sex hangover. That's a headache. Two days out of work headache? I think he needs vitamin D. That's like drinking right like yeah yeah you have a sex hangover yeah that's a headache two days out of work headache i think he needs that's like well that's like that's like old people hangovers like when you get a two-day when you're my hangover to the point so actually maybe i wouldn't because i was talking to you about it last night she was like do you still like to go out and party i was like i just the hangovers aren't

worth it and like a lot of the negatives are just not worth it so i don't do it anymore and it's something that I used to love doing. I don't think I love it as much as fucking though. So going out, it's a whole production. Fucking is like, I don't remember any of these conversations from last week. But,

uh, I feel like I would say no, maybe in the beginning. And then eventually you'd be like, all right, fuck the headache. Let's go. Yeah.

Does he, does he get this from drug at all? That's a nightmare. I don't know. No, it's like,'ll be like, all right, fuck the headache, let's go. Does he get this from drugging off? Yeah. That's a nightmare. I don't know. No, it comes hard. Then it's like, you're like, I gotta drug off, because I'm all fucking anxious and shit,

or my brain's gonna explode. I got it. Which one is learned? Cancer. Just fucking kill me. If this guy went to Dr. Kevorkian, he'd be like, oh yeah, you passed the test. You are hurt.

That's a good point. He's running around town telling people that he has these cum headaches, and then someone's gonna be like, you yeah, you passed the test. You are. He's running around town telling people that he has these cum headaches and then someone's going to be like, you have a tumor in your brain. Get a casket. This is brain cancer, you moron. I've literally never heard of that in my entire life. Cum brain is...

I was going to say, I don't really fuck very often, like I said. But is that like a thing? No, not once in my life. We've heard the blue balls rumor, which is a rumor. Not true. You've got to clear that up. Yeah, wait. What's the blue balls rumor?

That it's real? It's real. It's not real. No, there is something called like something, something hypertension where like it can happen or something like tightens up or twists up or whatever. But it's like a medical emergency type thing that happens. Not like every time you want to get your dick sucked and you don't, it occurs.

There is something that can cause pain, but it's like one in a million things. I don't know, a fucking aneurysm or a stroke or whatever. These things happen. Like this guy. He's a weirdo. But your college boyfriend who's like, you know, if I don't come tonight

I'm going to, you know, I'll be in agony all night. It's like, no, you won't do it. I trust you because you look like a scientist. Your balls won't swell up. Thank you, doctor. Great news. Ladies, you're in control of your body.

You say no, no. Totally real and always bringing it up. It's like, you, you're not real. The guy who's like, yo, it happened to me once, and I needed to go to the hospital. You sound real. That sounded like you had something went wrong with your balls. Not just like, I want to fuck this girl who says no.

That's two very different things. All right, last one. What do we got? Whoa! Yes! I got a voicemail for you. If your dick grew a centimeter every time you lied, imagine we're starting with just Ken Dow down there,

and every time you lied it grew a centimeter, would it be longer or shorter than what you have down there now? And would it be the shortest dick in the room? Is this guy just a saint who doesn't lie? I lie every day. My dick would be... I love this job. I love my life. I love this job.

I love my life. I love this job. I love my life. What a crazy question. That's absurd. That's a bad question. Everybody lies, right? I think everything I say is a lie.

I'm a pathological liar. Centimeter is fucking huge. Two and a half is an inch, right? I think it's three. Have I told fucking 15 lies in my life yeah yeah i know it should be like you know milla milla millimeters or some shit because i've told that was that was have you told 15 lies yeah

like you don't have to put my dick on a cargo train that is that's crazy talk. But I guess if it was, I mean, I can't even think of a unit of measurement that even makes this make sense. No, it doesn't. Yeah. So the question is, do you lie? Yes, of course. Yes.

Is your dick big? Of course. The amount of lies, like, of course, there's major ones. But there's also just, like, if someone asks me a question, I just don't want like talk to you i'm like yeah yeah no it's a lie or like did you have fun last night like yeah yeah it was so fun i like are you happy yes are you anonymous yeah i was just telling kevin about this hat so the kid gave it to me in buffalo uh the spin chookles thing this is the uh show he does with his brother on cable access TV, public access TV.

Oh, that's awesome. Like Wayne's World. Shut up. You gotta find it. You can only watch it on public access TV in Buffalo. It doesn't make money. It's just him and his brother. What did he do?

I think he says Wayne's World X, which I've never seen, so I don't really know. I know it's like... Wayne's World. Yeah, I know that. That's all I know, too. I bet you they are, X, which I've never seen, so I don't really know. I know it's like – Wayne's World. Yeah, I know that. That's all I know, too. I bet you they are, like, amazingly funny. Yeah.

And they just need their break. But wait, why did this come up? She said a lie. She likes my hat. Oh. Guess what? You like it now, don't you? I do.

Yeah. Ain't that a personal story? I do. Man, those exit tattoos are dope. Yeah. They go, boink. Huge cock. Wow. man those exit tattoos are dope yeah i take a go you reacted to him saying fellas you heard the story oh my god yeah so fights was at the chicklets cup and uh the hockey tournament and they uh in the men's room it was like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah so i was saying would there be is there

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BlueNile.com. Is there a female equivalent? Maybe like nipples? Yeah. I got the longest nipples. Yeah, but like who's got the biggest nipples but like that wouldn't happen in a bathroom because your nipples aren't out in the bathroom like to change in private your dick is usually it's out in the bathroom but not out like this they were like jumping out yeah that's fucking crazy. Yeah, that was some wild shit.

I love how today someone quoted a journalist in Canada, like a blue checkmark, and it was like, oh, yeah, there's definitely nothing wrong with hockey culture. Oh, suck my fucking small dick in the locker room, man. Zero retweets, zero likes, zero replies. Like, bro, that was a tree in the forest. Everyone was like, like no that's awesome yeah that that's that's one thing where i think guys can yeah i don't i don't know if the girls

will ever have a moment quite like like uh i don't think so take their uh their tarps off if you will and uh jump up and down and make them wiggle yeah yeah our friends all of our friends we all that. All of our friends, we all just took our tarps off and I almost knocked myself out. We put a song on it. We were just like hammering. Bouncing around.

I almost knocked myself out. It was good. I forgot we did that. That was weird. But most girls don't do that. Yeah, new ones are good. Happy. Happy. C, that was weird. But most girls don't do that. Yeah, new ones are good. New ones are good. Yeah, yeah.

Happy customer hair. I wish I could do something like that. Yeah, it's crazy. I feel like a new person. I mean, there's not quite an equivalent of, like, a boob job for guys. No, that's true, I guess. You can get surgery, of course, but it's, like, pretty common. I should get a Brazilian butt lift.

If you got a BBL, bro. Dude, I got no ass. I want an ass. You got no ass, dude. Your ass is, like, pointy. I should get a Brazilian butt lift No way wait stand up 20 you wear fucking small underwear, yeah, it's just nothing Anyone would notice the jeans don't like really do it justice.'s just like it's not as bad as Nick Turini's ass it's just concaved yeah alright girls it's been an absolute pleasure

you guys are what do you got you got live shows coming up you gonna be on tour tell the people yeah well I mean we're hitting the

fucking road again which fucking sucks but we're stoked we're pumped I love my again, which fucking sucks. No, we're stoked. We're pumped. Keep going. I love my job. I love my job.

I love my job. Yeah, we're doing the college tour, but we're going to do live shows soon when we get back from that. I mean, you guys did House of Blues, which is what, like 3,000 people? No, I think it was 1,900. Oh, that's still dope. 2,000 is a lot of fucking people. I think you said 3,000 was something else. Yeah, it was something like that.

Give it to me. 2,000 is fucking monster, yeah. I think you said 3000. I was like, yeah, something like that. 2000 is fucking monster too. So that is incredible. You guys are going to be doing. Yeah. To start out at two G's is like, you guys are gonna be doing arenas soon. We appreciate it girls.

Thank you. Thank you so much. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.