KFC Radio - Brittany Schmitt is Friends with the Girl from the Bling Ring ?!?

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

Timecodes: 0:00 Start 01:24 KFC is the worst millionaire ever 11:00 KFC's teams are all good for the first time in his life 16:09 Tom Brady's debut as an announcer 22:32 Sports are pretty gay 32:16 KFC goes full conspiracy mode after Kendrick Lamar Super Bowl Announcement 47:42 Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce dancing at the US Open 52:16 Imagine being eskimo brothers with a dog? 58:11 Video Voicemails 01:12:12 Brittany Schmitt Interview +++++++++++++++++++++++++ JackPocket : New customers, use code KFC and you’ll get your first ticket free at https://jackpocket.onelink.me/sY17/KFC GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, NY Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY. 18 or older (19+ in Nebraska, 21+ in Arizona). Void where prohibited. Promo code required for $2 non-withdrawable credit. Prize amount may differ at time of drawing. Terms jackpocket.com/tos/free-ticket-promo/ Gametime : Download the Gametime app today and use code KFC to easily score great deals with the new Gametime Picks! SimpliSafe : Protect your home with 50% off a new SimpliSafe system, plus a free indoor security camera, when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring at https://Simplisafe.com/kfcradio DraftKings : Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code KFC. GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, [phone] or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), or visit www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in NH/OR/ONT. Eligibility restrictions apply.On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min. $5 bet. Get 1 promo code to redeem 1-month of access to NFL+ Premium and max. $250 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: dkng.co/ftball. NFL+ Premium Terms: Offer only for eligible subscribers & must be redeemed by 11:59PM 9/30/24; After 1-month promo period, subscription automatically renews each month at then-current price (currently $14.99/mth) until cancelled; Addt’l terms: nfl.com/terms. Offer expires 9/19/24 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Leave a Voicemail or get tickets to see us live here: https://linktr.ee/kfcr Looking for a side-splitting comedy podcast? Look no further than KFC Radio from Barstool Sports! Hosted by Kevin Clancy and John Feitelberg, this hilarious show covers everything from pop culture and current events to personal stories and relationship advice. With their signature irreverent humor and quick wit, Kevin and John keep their listeners laughing week after week. Tune in for a dose of gut-busting laughter and become a part of the KFC Radio community today! #KFCRadio #BarstoolSports #BrittanySchmittYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. You know in movies when a dog comes up and talks? And it's like, you're in there, and it's like, I beat that thing up! Get out of here! Scram! Skedaddle!

I don't want to hear about that! It's the love of my life you're talking about. You should have seen her in college. Today's episode of KFC Radio is brought to you by Jack Pocket. Jack Pocket. Jack Pocket. Jack Pocket. Jack Pocket. Yo, we're up to 800 million on the Mega Millions. Now, I explained this on One Minute Man the other day.

I don't know if people realize. Because if you've been paying attention in the last five years, lottery, Mega Millions, and Powerball has gone through the fucking roof. And I was like, what is going on? We have nine figures all the time time and they change the number your mega millions that you have to hit the mega number went from one out of 15 to one out of 25 okay so the regular numbers actually went down but the one mega went up so that's like a it went from one in 250 million to one in 300 million which is enough to make it just keep on going. So I've been looking at – this is going to hit probably over a billion.

This will probably be like 1 billion when it's all said and done, 1.1 maybe. I've been looking at what I would buy. Yeah, we got to talk about this. Yeah. Well, there's two different routes I'm going to go. If it can get over to a billion, I was going to say, so I've been looking at franchise values around sports.

I can afford, we could maybe afford the Colorado MLS team. That's about it. There's about one team in all of sports. And maybe, I think we could buy like a couple lacrosse leagues. Colorado soccer team. I swear to God,

I said to myself, before I even looked, I said, what MLS team city do I think like could really grow? And then I saw they were the most affordable.

I was like, hey, now that's an investment. But I still think once you do half of the lump sum, I was thinking half for taxes, about 500 million for that.

Which is crazy, by the way. There was a time, I remember doing this with my friends back in the day, when the Miami Heat were terrible, they were like 400 million bucks. Really? So this was like mid-90s, early 90s, late 90s, whatever. Didn't Jerry Jones get the Cowboys for like 100 or 200 or something like that? Probably, because he bought them like fucking 40 years ago. Right.

They're, they're like, they're like $10 billion now. Yeah. Like the, the real friend, like even, even like even the worst football franchise are like three,

4 billion. It's crazy. But so if, if, if this jack pocket jackpot gets high enough that I can buy an MLS team, I'll probably do that. Yeah. Look at that.

He bought it for 140 million and now it's worth like, I think I saw like 10.9 or something like that. Yeah. That would make. He bought it for $140 million, and now it's worth, I think I saw, like $10.9 million or something like that. Yeah, that would make sense. I think the Pat's around $8 million. Officially, the Knicks were forever the number one NBA franchise, but the Warriors have passed them. Yeah, the Warriors have passed them by a decent margin. Really? The Warriors are worth a couple billion more than the Knicks.

I think the Knicks are still in the the five six billion and the warriors are up around like seven eight which is crazy i mean steph curry does not get enough credit the warriors were like a a fringe franchise you know what i mean like a couple things back in the day with chris mullen and tim hardaway and like they had a little bit with baron davis and then it yeah like not nothing and now for me their greatest memory was like being an eight seed yeah yeah yeah yeah the one time they beat the one seed but like right you were an eight seed right and now they are you know and it's like started with stuff curry yeah like to the day um but yes my other my other thing uh my list of other things that i'm gonna be buying um number one in in the vein of tyrese having benihana in his house

i'm gonna do a pizza place you know there's pizza oven is what i need right uh you know those big metal fold downs and you have the wooden plate thingies and a person to run it because while the benihana in tyrese tyrese's benih, I think is one of my favorite things that's ever happened in like history. It's just the ultimate flex in the stupidest way possible. And I will never forget that video of him and Aziz Ansari and a couple other guys where they're just partying at his Benihana in his house. It's one of the, it's the funnest thing I've ever seen.

But how often do you do that? Once a, once a couple, maybe once a year, a couple of times a year, the Benihana loses its flavor, you know? For sure.

Pizza. If I could walk in and have like real pizza ready all the time, it'd save me about five minutes. Cause I usually just stop at the pizza place on the way. But if you can just have real pizza in your house all the time, bingo. Number two was where I was really, we were really cooking.

The private gas station. Where are you going to gas stations? There's lines. I'm not going to gas stations where there's lines, but I just got to drive to the gas station. But you're out driving anyway. Yeah, but they're out of the way a little bit. Are they? Well, especially if you're driving in New York.

New York City. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I get to work and I'm like, fuck, I really like drove that to empty and now I got to go to like – there's like three that are really accessible in all of Manhattan. But yeah, like if I'm going out now, like I got to almost go the opposite way to get gas from where I go to work. I got to go this way for a little bit and then before I go to work because I get right on the highway. Oh, I see.

And then there's like, I don't, I really don't think there is like a traffic, like a, cause we're a rest area. That one's a very personal one. Gas stations are everywhere. I think there are gas and you pull out.

I'm talking about if I have a billion dollars, dude, I want to make everything in my life as easy as possible. The fact that I could just, if I could just be right there in my get in my driveway that would be nice but yeah but you're saving yourself three minutes every a lot of minutes and those minutes add up those minutes add up if you're trying to make your life as easy as possible there are definitely more difficult things you can i don't think so i think

getting gas and those times where you drive it to the fucking bone dry and you get to your house and you're like it's more like this here's what it is here's what it is and and this is something you wouldn't experience either i will drive to my house on empty empty like when it's like it says zero and i'm like i got another gallon because i know they they put an emergency gallon in there and i drive like another 20 miles on empty. But you go to the house with that? Yes. Oh, that's crazy. Right. That's living dangerously. And then I wake up and it's like I got to take my kids to school and I got to get there by like 645 and I'm like, fuck. If I could just fill up in my driveway.

Let me save you like, I don't know, probably a couple million dollars. A little mini gas tank. Those little red cans? That's not as fun, bro. Leave like two of those full in the garage. That's not a bad idea. I was just like, you. Little mini gas tank. Those little red cans. That's not as fun. Leave like two of those full in the garage. That's not a bad idea. Just get like a gas boy.

Like get somebody to like run over the house every night. Get a gas boy. Like that. So I'm going to put it in order. I want a gas station,

then a gas boy, and maybe we'll settle on a gas tank. Just like three red gas tanks full in the garage. Put those all empty out and that brings me to my next point.

Put the empty out, but then you put it in the back those all empty out and that brings me but they empty out but they put in the back of the truck and then when next time you're getting gas come on i'm not gonna do any of this also part of this is the reason why i thought of this is because i have propane gas for my pool yeah like once a week they show up and fill that shit up they're people there all the time every second yeah So if you could just, you know, also throw me some car fuel, just have, I'll just have a, you know, a little well, you fill that up

and I can just fill it up myself. But the three gas tanks is the problem too, because people say like, oh yeah, just keep your gas tank there. But then that empties, you have to fill it up. It's the same thing they say about two dishwashers. People say, you know, my thing has always been,

if you have two dishwashers, you never really have to put anything away. You just move them from one to the other back and forth, back and forth. And then people who have two dishwashers are like, I've seen it happen before. What ends up happening is you just fill up two dishwashers. So I'm buying three. See the third dishwasher. Now we're getting really into it. Cause I believe you're letting X three. I forget what one of them is. I think you can afford them all without going over your monthly credit card number. Yeah, they were like very... I don't think

American Express would even flag each other. I think you would just be like... It's buying like... What is a dishwasher? Like 600 bucks. It was a dishwasher, a car for your mom, and something else. Oh, yeah. The final one was just from Chappelle's show. I'm going to buy a car for my mom, and something else. Oh, yeah. I said the final one was just from Chappelle's show. I'm going to buy a car for my mom and spend the rest on PCP.

But yeah, the dishwasher, I was thinking to myself, I could just do this right now. A lot of people could. What was four? Four was also something extraordinarily attainable, like the money's in your couch cushions. This is why I'm the worst. This is why I'm the worst rich person in the world. Like, like Marty says. Oh, soda fountains.

Bro, you are running a bill of about $900. These are legitimately the things I want though. I'm actually going to get, I think, a soda fountain in my kitchen, which will never be used. But like for just like for one video, it'll be like – Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I will never – you think I'm going to fill up like this syrup? Oh, dude.

There's that episode – or that scene in Hacks when Jean – I'm sorry, Jean Hackman. Jean Smart is replacing like the CO2 in hers and her maid is like, I'll help you. I got it. I got it. No, we're going to – in a million bro you're not gonna get gas well so maybe like maybe my gas boy will be my soda boy and he'll fill up my soda fountain every day i want it in every room every room you walk in you can pour yourself like a frosty uh i want that mcdonald's sprite too people love the diet coke fine i'm not a diet coke guy i want that

sprite i want the same how about that i'll pay for mcdonald's sprite that's gotta cost a lot uh yeah mcdonald's has that shit like you know it's it's like the coca-cola recipe locked away whatever they do to their sprite is something a little special you know the uh so anyway get your jack pocket jack pocket is an app on your phone where you can buy your ticket which is another thing that if I was a billionaire, I probably would have come up with an app like this because the last thing I hate to do is when the Mega Millions or Powerball is like a billion dollars and I'm like, oh, I have to get a ticket.

In New York, you have to run to the bodega. You have to run to the gas station. You have to buy it in person. I never did that. I always missed out. I could have been a billionaire by now. So now you have Jack Pocket right on your phone. And it is incredibly easy to buy a ticket.

You just click, click, bingo, bango. You're good. Use promo code KFC and you get a free ticket. I think you can get a free Mega Millions. I don't know if there's restrictions on what the free ticket are. I would guess, yeah. Imagine if you get a free Mega Millions and that hits. They are America's number one lottery app and the official partner of Barstool Sports. So download Jack Pocket, use code KFC, get your free ticket, and win that Mega Millions.

Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. New York, call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY. 18 or older, 19 plus in Nebraska, 21 plus in Arizona. Void where prohibited. Promo code required for $2 non-withdrawable credit Prize amount may differ At time of drawings

Terms Jackpocket.com Slash TOS Slash free dash Ticket dash promo slash These shirts are fucking sick Those are very sick I am in a very precarious spot

Personally right now I as a 40 year old man Really tried to I've said this many times before Really tried to like Remodel myself as a sports fan. Really tried to get a hold of it because it was getting silly. You get to a point in life where it's like it's silly to be as emotionally involved as you were when you were like 21. It's like I can't be doing this anymore.

I can't be crying about a baseball team. And now not only have the Mets sucked me all the way back in, but now tonight, by the time you listen to this, the Jets will have played. And I am in a spot where, like, I really thought the Mets were not going to be even on the radar. And I was like, all right, we're just going to have to focus on Aaron Rodgers and the Jets this year. And now the Jets got good. The Mets got, like, real good, we're just going to have to focus on Aaron Rodgers and the Jets this year. And now the Jets got good. The Mets got like real good, real fun, real fast.

And Aaron Rodgers plays tonight. And this is kind of crazy because this is a team that, you know, made it to the AFC championship here and there. And I mean, obviously the name of the game way back in the day, but it doesn't count. Like tonight might be like the most important game. In Jets history? Like, yeah.

By far in my life. Yeah, like I was going to say in your lifetime. Like where it really matters. Like the AFC championship runs were like those – Mark Sanchez and those teams were good and like they – I mean they had to run through Hall of Famers and he like beat them a couple times, but they always fell short. Like in those moments, obviously, you're playing for like a Super Bowl bid.

Like they were really, really important. But like if Aaron Rodgers goes out there tonight and a does not blow out his achilles and b if he's like slinging it yeah i was trying to think of like what is the best quarterback game you've ever watched and like here and there there's there's a couple like you know somebody threw for like 350 yards and a few touchdowns and i was like wow he really balled out but i'm saying like what if you know like when you really see like the next it's we you know ryan fitzgerald's like 31 touchdown season was like the best quarterbacking play i've ever seen like if he goes out there

tonight and this season and is just like you-level quarterbacking, like he's watched his whole life and we've never seen it. I just don't even know what that's going to be like. Aaron Rodgers has to score – I know it's asking for a lot, but two touchdowns a game. If you score two touchdowns, you're winning that game with the Jets. Pretty much. If the Jets had Kirk Cousins on their team the past three years, we would have maybe been to a Super Bowl or at least an AAC given the chiefs right don't exist right right right yeah you can't you can't pencil on anything with with the chiefs but like it's not asking too much it's not asking too much defense their run game and their wide receivers have all been tremendous over the past tremendous and it's like

all you need is a guy that can just make completions and not throw the ball and i mean like despite like and there's a lot of guys that can do that. And then if you play on like Aaron Rodgers, like top level, which I know he's old, but I really. Troy Aikman said it the other day. He was like, everyone's going to play into their 40s. Yeah, because they're all like, I mean, the rules have changed. But I also think like the LeBrons and the Brady's and these guys like I, you know, you used to retire when you were like 34. It just doesn't happen anymore. I can do this. I can do this until I'm like 45 realistically.

I remember that always being a thing where Brady was like, honestly, in the last 10 years of his career. They'd be like, Father Time always wins. Father Time always wins. I'm like, no. He wins. The human wins when they reset the bar. Yes. And they have reset the bar to what age is.

So they beat Father Time. Yes. Now everyone else – now that's Father Time. Right. Father Time is that even when you're 50, you'll get beat. Right, right. It's not late 30s, early 40s anymore. And that also is because of the rules.

Like Troy Aikman was like, you know, guys in my era were like, we just cannot go back out there. We're going to die. But even just like basketball too it's like that's not a contact sport but it like wears you down but if you just like stay in shape and do all these fucking new age things like lebron will probably play for like another 10 yeah you know yeah i mean i knew we watched the olympics it's like yeah it's like he's like one of the best players in the world this guy's not about to stop anytime soon like i'm pretty sure lebron's going to play in LA. Everyone's like,

it's his last Olympics. No, not yet. It's in his hometown now. Now, 42 years old, torn Achilles, different story. Right. Then you do start to wear down.

But I just need one year. Is he 42, Rogers? 40? Oh, I didn't realize he was already there. I think he's 40. No, I mean, I'm thinking of Brady. He's 30.

He's 39. Brady's like 47. He's 40. Damn. He's 40. Yeah. So like, I mean, that is old, but I don't think in the. Wait, no.

How old is Dave? That's how old Brady is. 45, 47, right? Dave is 47. Yeah. I think. Because I've been calling him like, I always made fun of him two years older than he is. So I don't actually know his age. Yeah, 47. Yeah. I think. I've been calling him like I always made fun of him two years older than he is. So I don't actually know his age.

Yeah, 47. Dave's born in 1977. I mean, they both graduated college the same year. So I assume. Yeah, that is crazy. Do you remember when you had the fake ID from the 70s? Yes. 1978.

Connecticut ID. By the way, Brady. As an announcer. I saw all the hate and then i tuned in and he was fine he was fine he was he was not good though i think i think people said like the first quarter which i didn't watch i think it was the first quarter was slow but then he settled in i mean he'll probably be fine but the problem is he's trying to be like an announcer it's like just be be tom brady yeah it's almost like he's uh he is doing the media the way he answered the media you know what i mean yeah i'd say like the roast tom brady and

the locker room tom brady a little bit even like the podcast appearances he's done where he's like it's always like like like media trained yeah but i know i i know i saw from awful announcing he had a couple like big calls where he's like, watch Mika Parsons. He's been on him all day. He's been on Watson all day. Like he's going to be in his grill right now. And then Parsons got in his face, tipped the ball, interception. Got it.

It's like a little rumble effect. Yeah. I heard there was something where he was like, if you think throwing the ball 10 yards is hard, like you should try to throw a 20 and throwing a 20, you should throw a 30. It's just like it actually is a testament to the other guys who like you just take for granted every day where he just sounded like you know kind of weird where it's just like you're you're you're just not like perfectly like fluent yeah yeah these guys are all the fucking time so but when you get 375 million dollars you kind of expect it to be like like greg olsen like right away was like you fit right in

you know what I mean? What do you mean? When Greg Olson started being an announcer. Did he fit right in? I didn't think he did. I feel like he did. I thought it was. I don't know.

Maybe he had some of the same critiques. I don't think he had. There was a lot of justice for Greg Olson, which as a stoolie, I like that. Yeah. I love Olson. He's the reason I still have this job. That's right. I think it's one

very different thing. I don't think anyone even knew Olsen was becoming a commentator. Right, right, right. He had all eyes on him. I think Olsen had a year where no one even really paid attention. Probably true. And then it was like, oh, this guy's pretty good.

And it wasn't... This game was on everywhere in America. Yeah, people too. This was the full Fox broadcast. I forget what the other game was. There were two other games. There was one little locale that had whatever the local game was.

The rest of America was this game. Yeah, a little bit of pressure. He's also... People are like, he sounds like a robot. I'm like, he's turning into a robot. Yeah, you put like a weird... He looks like, he's turning into a robot. Yeah, you put like a weird – He looks fantastic. That picture of him when he came on, on Wednesday.

He does look better than – when I saw him like at his roast and just in the – like paparazzi over the years, I was thinking when he's on camera every Sunday looking like a plastic weird like Ken doll. Come on. Yeah, he does look good. Yeah. What – why is he like a – weird like ken doll come on yeah he does look good what what what what why is he like a she his the cheeks are still weird the g the cheeks yeah like he definitely had that that surgery i think where you get that where you get buckle fat buckle fat removed but there were times where he looked like one of those like if tom brady had buckle fat removal surgery i mean look, like, Kevin Burkhardt has a normal fucking cheeks. Kevin Burkhardt's not one of the most elite athletes that's ever lived on the planet.

But what does that have to do with your fucking cheeks, bro? The shape you're in. Take off their shirts. They look pretty different, too. I don't think that being in good shape is a sign of a cheek. I think this is actually when you're looking bad. That's like Dallas Barge Club shit. I'm not like guaranteeing it doesn't happen.

I'm just saying I would be shocked if Tom Brady has had like any – I mean he's had the hair plugs and like – You don't think that he's had work done? A lot of guys have hair plugs. You don't think Tom Brady's had work done? I think he's probably gotten Botox. I think he's probably had some – I would be very, very surprised if Tom Brady or

like 99% of guys like went under the knife and had facial reconstructive surgeries you're questioning if 110% he did he looks like completely different but like everyone looks different that's what Deccan does to people not like this he's I also don't care when

I wouldn't be like oh I don't like Tom Brady. He's got a facial. But I think it's more that I think like, of course he did. It's like, he obviously had eyes probably from, for a long time on being like this, you know?

And I'm sure Giselle being, you know, we always heard about how much of like a business woman she was. I'm sure she was like, if you are attractive and take care of yourself and look good, like you'll be in the media and on camera forever. I don't think it's any question that he's done something to look better. I think he should.

He looks bad, but I think he just took it too far. Again, I just think it's diet, exercise. It's like the skin stuff that Giselle's interested in. I don't know, but it just seems like it would be a very out of character thing to be like, I got facial reconstructive surgery.

I think he kind of comes to me. He comes across as a guy who really cares about how he looks. Really? I mean, yeah. Like he looks like like because if he didn't, he would look like he did when he got drafted. I feel like he would have just been like, you know, he wouldn't. No one looks like they do when they got drafted. No, of course.

But within reason, I mean, that that, you know, it's so crazy. There's that one picture with the nine, it's like nine rows, nine pictures of Brady, and it's like when he got drafted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's like, and that used to be like, look how much he's changed throughout his whole career. It's like half his career.

It's like that last picture was from like 2010. No, I've seen an update, because I've seen it where it ends with him in like a Bucs jersey. But like, yeah, like if, this actually leads me to another thing I was thinking last night. The, like, these are guys are all who are,

when you get drafted, you're 20 years old and you drink a lot because you're in college and you don't have any fucking money. So you eat a lot of bad food. But that's, I think there's also more to it than just like, like pull up. No, you don't have to pull it up. But like Matt Stafford when he got drafted versus...

Like I was watching the game last night. I was like, God damn, Matt Stafford's a fucking rocket. Yeah, I think Matt Stafford has this fat little... Does anyone think he got buckle fat removal? Because his face... But his face is shrunk to half its size. Maybe. I was watching the Rams game last night.

The man, by the way. The man. Just like one of the most underappreciated guys. I mean, not because he went on to win one, but like for so long, just so underappreciated. I don't know, man. I think he kind of looks like that. That's just moving to LA. That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. Well, dude, I was watching him in Cooper Cup. Yeah, he was in Detroit. It's like, I'm allowed to look like this. I was watching him in Cooper Cup talk on the bench, and I was like, God, those are two handsome guys. And then I was thinking, do you think sports would be as big? And I don't mean with women. Obviously, that would change a little bit.

But I mean, would sports be as popular if all the guys were really ugly? If the guys were ugly? Yeah. if the guys were ugly yeah like like i'm not talking because because every like athletes almost exclusively are in shape and rich which are like the two things you need as a guy to be attractive yep and but if they all looked like like they're not not fat grotesque monsters like say every athlete every professional athlete looked like ben roethlisberger they're just we're just off putting that's a good pudding right that's a good it's not fat it's not like

you're just like like even before Ben was whatever he's been found guilty of I honestly don't know I think maybe sexual as well I don't know exactly what it is

but like even before then you're like there's just something about this guy but he he kind of look at that dude he looks like such a douchebag

he's just like oh yeah look at that look at that guy Look at that guy. If every athlete looked like Ben Roethlisberger, I think we watched 50%. John, I think sports would be better. Make sports this

again. You know, give me this fucking guy who doesn't give a shit. It is because I was thinking too, it is funny. He was despicable, bro. He was despicable back in the day. I know people like to say, oh, it's so masculine. It's actually really gay. They're in tight pants, blah, blah, blah.

But there is truth to that. But I think more men would be less inclined to watch. It's like porn. It's like Ron White's porn thing. I want a big cock in my porn. I want my quarterback to be handsome, man. I want him to be a looker. Because there's also something about, I think inherently, whether you realize it or not,

you're watching sports in a way of like, you wish you were a professional athlete. It's all exceptionally gay. Yeah, it's so gay. It's so gay. I want to be this other guy. I wish, I hope this guy brings me joy today. Even worse is when they don't, I'm like sad over another guy. Like every aspect of it, even like the gambling of it when you're like, dude, don't say that.

Don't say my over as an hate. You're like, this is also, like 99% of the stuff I love is super gay. But like liking sports is crazy gay. I hope these fucking hot dudes out there go make me happy today. I don't know why I was watching sports alone, probably celebrating a Ramondre Stevens at first touchdown.

I was like, yes! Yes! He did it! What the fuck is wrong with you, John? Get together, dude. Well, that's what I was saying about with the Mets. I was trying to get a hold of that, trying to reel that in,

and now I'm wearing this shirt. This shirt is fucking awesome. This shirt's got it all. We got Grimace, we got Seymour Wiener, we got the Hak Tua girl, the omg photo and lindor i mean this is the whole season in a nutshell i i think maybe the reds maybe the wrong person to ask this because the red sox have this i don't think other teams have as much like shit like this the red sox do kind of have it with the beards and the dance and the stuff over time. I think other teams, I don't know if it's like, I just feel like the Mets always have shit like this.

And maybe it is happening everywhere. I just don't think like the Tampa Bay Rays have like all these memes and these fun things and shit. Yeah, I think it's probably a mix of both. Like it's definitely because we're more involved. We notice it. But also at the same time, like when other teams win championships, like we just sell a bunch of skeletons on it. Right.

They don't have anything. They would, that would anytime a non like not, but maybe that's because we create these things too, though. I don't know if there was like a Texas Rangers blogger. Yeah. They would like prop these follow team enough to have that kind of stuff.

But like, you know, grimace, I guess, I guess like Grimace throws out the first pitch and if your fan base is kind of like boring and blah, you just don't, you're just like, whatever. Yeah. Like that, the Cardinals would just be like, I don't know, McDonald's was at the fucking game today. And we were like, that is fucking hilarious. You need psychopath loser fans. Yes. Yeah.

That's also the part of it too. You need, you need like, you need fans who are latching onto anything other than the team because it's like, I don't know, man. Fr part of it too. You need fans who are latching on to anything other than the team because it's like, I don't know, man. This franchise is fucking so awesome. Dude, real quick, I was at the Rockies game when I was back in Colorado, and Grimace was there. And Grimace, it was like an in-between innings little game thing where it's like they brought out this girl,

and Grimace was standing on base, and on base he had a free Happy Meal or whatever. And some voucher. And she had to get there in 30 seconds or whatever the time was. Yeah. And this little girl sprinting at Grimace, ready to go get the thing. The hamburger comes out of nowhere, steals it, never gives it to her. He just runs off.

I was like, what the fuck? And she was standing there confused like do i chase him we're like that's awesome and then the time ran out and then the people just shuffled her off the field and that was the mets 2-1 uh can you steal a bag for Duncan? You have to run from kind of like left field, almost the wall, to third base. Get the base and run back. It's fucking far. I've only seen one kid ever come close.

The rest of the time, they're running halfway down the line with the bag. And they're like, you lose. It's like some seven-year-old who's got to run like 120 yards it's crazy back to the nosebleeds elevator's broken i don't know uh i mean the mets have been the best team in baseball since may so like they're the best team in baseball yeah because baseball doesn't count before may yeah i mean i i can't i don't know

what to do it's like these it's the opposite of what usually happens everything is the polar opposite so i'm like maybe maybe this is the year that clip of uh gary talking about rock bottom have you seen it recently it was like round game five of 162 and there was no one in the stadium that's like what i counseled yeah that was what you counseled and then Gary said this is what I would assume

is rock bottom and then a couple months later baseball is so stupid I still I still like their rotation is like pitching

amazing but they just don't have like the name power which ordinarily like if they were like young I'd be like yeah you guys just don't know these guys yet

but these guys have like been around and it's like, why the fuck is this working? I don't know. So I still have, it's like every one of them is having a Bartolo cologne here. Yeah. Yeah. But that's usually what it takes to like win is that like all of a sudden

everybody clicks. So we'll see. But if this, like if the jets play well and Aaron Rogers balls out and, and the OMG Mets are making a big playoff push. Like Nick's in a month. Oh, the Knicks.

I'm like the Knicks are like pencil day. Like, like that's going to be good. I mean, I'll finally get to live like one year of your life. One year out of like 20 of your, you probably have like 20 of those, right?

Maybe like 15 of those. Oh, no more, more, more than 20. Probably. Yeah. Of, of where like? Maybe like 15 of those. Oh, no. More? More than 20? Probably, yeah. Of where like. Just like everybody's good?

Where hope springs eternal kind of deal? No, no, no. Where like everybody is like a contender. Oh, everyone's a contender. No, that's probably 15 or so. Yeah. Fucking nuts. Just give me one, bro.

Just give me one of the teams. I don't need all three. The Bruins are basically a contender every year. The Celtics might fuck me, but I don't really pay that much attention to them. Yeah. Socks are up down. Bruins, pads, socks were like contenders. We beat the biggest set of the Sox.

Those guys stink. I thought they were kind of like in the mix, and I think they might record-wise still be, but they got butt fucked. They're sharp. Crash down to back to rest. I'll be there tonight though. Texas 10-9 is cool though. Yeah.

That'll be fun. Yeah, that'll be cool. If you could have one win out of the three right now, which – Mets. It's always Mets. Yeah, it's always Mets. It's always Mets. Like Super Bowl would be more fun because winning the Super Bowl is sick.

Nah, but nah. Football is bigger. But the Mets I would legitimately take a bullet for. I would sob. All right. We all know I am a live event person. You got to be in the building to really experience it, really feel it. You can do that very easily.

Thanks to game time. It can be a concert, football game, comedy show. It doesn't matter. We use game time. It is the official ticketing partner of Barstool Sports. And again, by now, you know how much we love game time. But now they have a new thing. Now they have game time picks.

It's a new feature, and they're making it even easier to get into a game. You thought it was impossible, didn't you? Well, foolish. That's very foolish of you to think like that. Game time picks. What is it? I'll tell you. It filters out all the fluff to show you only the incredible deals on great seats.

Okay? None of those nosebleeds, none of that. It's just incredible deals on great seats. Okay. None of those nosebleeds, none of that. It's just incredible deals on great seats. So you don't have to waste time searching through thousands of tickets. I was looking at tickets for the Sox. I'm going tonight. All you got to do to use GT picks is you turn on GT picks, sit on the setting on top of the screen.

Then you browse, look for your best local game time picks deals near you on your game time app homepage. It is – I mean there's countless times where you're like, what should we do tonight? Open the GameTime app. Open GameTime Picks. See what's around. See what's got a great price.

Get in the building and feel it. What are you waiting for? I'm going to go buy Sox tickets right now. Download the GameTime app today and use code KFC to easily score great deals with the new game time picks. What time is it? Game time. Who? I have full tinfoil hat, full conspiracy mode on Kendrick Lamar with the Super Bowl.

How's that? I really fully believe everything Drake's been saying about people trying to take him down now. Kendrick Lamar being the Super Bowl headline is ridiculous. I agree with that. Like insane to the point that it makes more sense to me that like they're doing that. There is an agenda than just saying like, oh, no, he's a big name. He can do the Super Bowl.

He cannot do the Super Bowl. There are there are I would say like 90% of America can't name like a single Kendrick Lamar song. I would agree with that. My thing is if it was in Kansas City or I don't know, some other fucking shit town,

sure. In New Orleans, it doesn't make sense. Yeah. If you're good. Now, a lot of people are saying, you know,

Kendrick Lamar has won like a Pulitzer Prize and he's like this, give it back to the community and Lil Wayne is like this fucking, you know, I drank lean and fucking have seizures on planes. You know?

So I, I get why I get why that is in play, but it brought me great joy that the overwhelming reaction was, this should be lowing. Cause I mean, even like, even like Wayne, yes,

should be there. I don't even think it should be Wayne's show. Like music in New Orleans has such. Oh, okay. From the rap world, it was like if you're going to have a rapper in New Orleans for the Super Bowl, it's got to be Lil Wayne. For sure. But you just mean like in general, it's such a musical town that like.

It's such a, like, yes, you have Wayne, you have Juvenile. I saw at New Orleans at Jazz Fest, Big Freedia. Harry Connick Jr. Harry Connick Jr. I saw Big Freedia at New Orleans. It's probably the best concert I've ever been to. now they're like i i saw at new orleans at jazz fest big frida harry connor jr harry connor jr they i saw big frida at in new orleans it's probably the best concert i've ever been to really big frida in new orleans at jazz fest but these fucking insane i know what you're saying this super bowl has to be like but that it would be one of those gazelles we talk it would be like wayne but big free is there right and i actually i would be surprised if kendall kumar doesn't

bring out big Freedia. I'm sure there'll be, you know, and he did it at his pop-up show. But, like, he's heavy rap. And, like, people were like, well, what about last year? It's like, last year were pop stars. Rappers became pop stars. Yeah. You know? And it took

like the Avengers of all of them to get on stage at the Super Bowl, where it was like, okay, you'll have Eminem and 50 Cent and Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg and, you know, like, I can't think of, I mean, outside of the rap genre, people are going to be like, I don't know any of these songs. Like the average white person, the average girl, young people, old people, there's like a slide in between that knows them, no young kids are gonna really know except for like not like us but i

don't know can you play like your pedophile song at the at the super bowl like it's just i'm not even like saying that as hate it's just like you have to be a top five person to do the super bowl yeah because you have to appeal to like a hundred million people i think there will be a huge chunk of america that will be like i'm not even gonna watch this i'm gonna like go to the bathroom but the now he does put on a good show and i actually think there'll be a lot of people going like holy shit that was a fucking spectacle but they're just not gonna know any fucking music him with was it was it magic dragons yeah it's still one of the sickest things and he'll do that like he's so smart that like he they are gonna like seize the opportunity but you just have to have a certain cachet going in but isn't that the point of having jay-z be like the director of all this is he's like he's like

this guy's gonna put in a fucking show i think that's where i'm more like i think it's an anti drake thing but is that like it also isn't that like a fair reason to give it to him? If it's not even anti-Drake, if it's like, yo, Kendrick Lamar owned the year. I think – Then he gets a Super Bowl. So that's – my – if the rule is that if you win the battle rap of the year, you get rewarded the Super Bowl, I'm down with that. Well, I don't even mean like – yes, it was obviously a battle rap. But like culturally for the rap world, Kendrick Lamar has been –

Totally, but I think that's still such a smaller subsect of society where it's like I don't think, you know, the average person over the age of – I don't even know what. I guess actually that's where – it's that weird in between. Old people are not going to know that, and I don't think young people give a fuck either. Yeah. It's just like – I guess it's like my age which is kind of like that that demo of i think i think that's a cooler way to use the halftime show where it's like here's an artist who's on the precipice needs an audience needs the needs to reach the audience somehow puts on a great show i don't look i'm one of the people that don't know kendrick lamar songs i still have have not heard Dolly Gus. I know it's.

Really? No, you know that song. I, I, I've heard. You hear like. I haven't listened to it. You would know that. I've heard pieces of it. Yeah.

I would know it if I heard it, but I have not listened to it front to back. Like, I'm kind of interested to see Kendrick Lamar put on a show. Yeah. I, I think that there will be people who are, but I, I also just think that from a, uh, I think people will walk away being like, that was when it's done, it'll be good. Yeah. I think people would be like,

well, like he did deserve it or he did shine or whatever. But I think going in, there's going to be the least amount of like, like, I mean, when, when it's,

you're talking about people who have like 15 number one hits, you know, it's like, like, like for certain people, it's like, Oh, he has to leave off like this song because there's not enough time this is i don't know what he's gonna

play but then you play your battle rap songs because that's like the most popular shit he's done is battle rap but which is awesome for fans like me but for the the hundred million for the vast majority of that hundred million people watching i i think they're gonna be like i don't know who this is but that was cool yeah i think that's a better way to do it like when they have to be true have like aerosmith come out and you're like jesus yeah like they're all thousand yeah yeah oh yeah i know this song but this is actually kind of sad and i i do think kendrick lamar is very very smart as we saw like how he just like assassinated drake that he probably has all of this like on like

understands all of this knows what the response is and is going to shut people up like he did but you know and maybe that's just like like it's a shift in in how they're going to uh to do the super bowl but i don't know i thought though i think drake putting all of his music out on instagram recently i thought did not really get as much talk as I thought. Well, that's what I was going to say. What do you want? The guy who put out 60 songs and no one gives a fuck about any of them? No, I'm not saying that it should be Drake.

I'm saying that I think something is really going on where like – I'm surprised there wasn't more talk where he just completely bypassed the Spotify, Apple Music, whole platform debate that we always have about music. He just erased that by putting it out himself. Yeah, but I think that settled the debate. Well, it did. It didn't work, right. I think he did it poorly, but I also think it's interesting that I think it was still – I still think it, for him personally like was probably got a lot of traction i don't think it became like a hit yeah you know so like i think overall yeah i also think like none of the songs were like particularly great but i'm just saying that i think that was a move

by him because he is like fuck you guys and they're like fuck you back like i think that was a calculated move not just like i'm gonna fuck around on the internet i think it was like i'm not going to use these platforms if like you guys are doing this to me what do they do to him i don't know he's he's had a lot of lyrics being like the the higher-ups are conspiring to take me out and and then like the the kendrick lamar thing happens where like nobody in the industry supports him and then something like this i feel like is uh like we're trying to put like another nail in the coffin. So the CEO of Spotify is like we're done with Drake music? I think he has like gotten to the point where he was so popular that he was like I'm bigger than you, like than music.

I think music wants to put that in check real quick i think that like the ceos of labels would link up with the ceos of streaming would link up with the ceos of even like go to football and be like we need to like almost like the like the the this is why i'm saying it's a conspiracy shit because i think like the the top people would do something like that that would, I mean, maybe cause it's just so it's just, it's nobody even close to this has ever headlined the Superbowl. Yeah. It's such a small act compared to the other, the other people. How,

who's, who's Jay-Z selected since he's been in charge of it? I don't know. When, when did he like officially, I would think 2021. Cause I think he also like notably does not like Drake. Like it's a very big thing that he tried to stop Drake when he was on his rise and like failed to do so.

And now I think he thinks like this is his chance. It was post Kaepernick because it was like their band-aid for Kaepernick was we hired Jay-Z. Yeah, we got Jay-Z. So like I would guess maybe it was even before 2021. For some reason, i was aligning jay-z put out a statement and see that let's see um kendrick lamar is truly a once in a generation artist and performer his deep love for hip-hop and culture and it informs his artistic vision he's an unparalleled ability to define and this is just like a bullshit bullshit like you know

kind of whatever statement i mean yeah if and if j-Z is like, we are putting rappers on because like, I want my, my people in my like genre to just like take over. That could be it too. But that is such a staggeringly, but there's just so many people who do not know this guy. Yeah. And as many people as there are,

it's just not a knock on him. It's just like, there's just so many people who don't know him. And if they do know him, they barely know his music. The West gonna love it hip-hop heads are gonna love it people are gonna walk away going that guy is incredibly talented and that performance was amazing but going in i think they're gonna be like i don't know any of these songs but unless he like plays covers and brings people out and like you know maybe he has taylor swift come out

to do the verse or you know what like if he does shit like that fine but if it's just like a kendrick lamar catalog i think people are like i don't know any of these fucking songs from from my experience with kendrick lamar i i think i think i'm interested to see it i just because i know about the magic dragons thing and like i know that he brings out people and shit like that like i'm almost positive big free is gonna be there which is gonna be sick but the what was he gonna say fuck I just lost it. I think the halftime show at the Super Bowl is almost like an opener at a concert where, like, you should bring out –

like, everyone's coming for something else. But this person is fucking awesome, and you should know about him. I think if that's the way they're going to do the halftime show, that's cool. Okay, okay, that's what I mean. That's just a wild shift. Yeah. If they do that, fine. I don't think they will, but I think it's cool. I mean, that's a I mean. That's just a wild shift. Yeah. If they do that, fine. I don't think they will, but I think it's cool.

But I mean, that's a crazy forum to do it. Yeah. Like, 100 million people are watching. We need to put on the best show possible. We're going to give it to, like, someone who's on the verge. I mean, opener's not a perfect analogy because, like – But I guess it is kind of for, like – Like, when OAR was big, Markberts has had openers who are like the

most famous people alive like it was they had maroon five they had john mayer they had and it was like you guys are coming to see me i get it but you gotta know about this guy yeah yeah like but again it's a wild shift for the super bowl but if they continue to go that path which i don't think they will i think that's a cool way the only thing i could see them saying is we have heard the criticism of like putting corpses up there but i don't think it's been that in recent years it was that like in the in like the 90s it was like you put in some old motherfuckers trying to think of the last recently i feel like it's been you know like like usher was usher usher was you know still young enough rihanna i don't think it did a good job but rihanna's i think the polar opposite of like this i think rihanna is like holy shit and did a bad job and

i think it'll be like the opposite for him it'll be like what is this and do a great job but going into it everyone was like jacked up to it to watch it because i think at the end of the day they're just trying to you know make as many people watch but i mean yeah in recent years it's like it's usher uh uh rihanna uh beyonce was what within the last 10 years probably shakira and jlo was in the last 10 years jt bruno bruno mars was with like think about they had bruno mars and beyonce and i think there was a third group but that was just now like i think that was just. Oh, no, that wasn't as pronounced Beyonce. Yeah. And they were like big boy.

Like in my mind, like big boy is like a rapper, like similar to Kendrick Lamar. And he would never headline the fucking Super Bowl. I mean, like a guy from Outkast. Amazing artist. Wildly respected in hip hop. Like and it was like you can tack on to these guys. But musically, musically, yes. Kendrick Lamar does not have the hits that everyone just has.

The cultural relevance right now, I'd say he has more than all of them. I don't know, though. Like in certain circles, you think? I think I'm like, I don't know Kendrick Lamar. I think I certainly have heard his name more this year than i've ever heard it totally i mean if if it's ever going to be a year yeah obviously but i think that young people probably don't really care and people older than us don't really care and we are that that was it backseat freestyles that one yeah that's one of them i

like that one yeah that's why you can't even play that. Like these are not Superbowl songs. Even like, even his hits are not like, you know, and again, I, I, he's so smart that like, he will turn it into like a good live show. A lot of people just don't like rap live and rap,

like figured that out. Cause in the beginning it used to just be like, they played the song and it was just a bunch of guys on stage. Now they play live music and they make it like regular performance. But you think it'll bring out a Taylor. He featured on a Taylor song. Yeah, he did Bad Blood. That would be the way to be like, everybody

shut the fuck up. But I also do not think Taylor Swift is going to do the Super Bowl as a guest. If Taylor Swift's doing the Super Bowl, it will be as her. I think he's going to bring out like SZA. SZA's like big enough. I think he'll have an array of people. And it will end up being a good show. And I think it'll be a moment for him where he's like, just wait, you know, and kind of like what happened with the battle but i that's just a

departure from how the super bowl usually goes where it's like you have to prove it to us the day of the super bowl it's pretty fucking crazy have you ever felt a sense of unease when you leave your home wondering if everything will be safe while you're away i i know i have i leave my home quite often thinking that and And now that we're traveling so much and leaving the house a lot more often, I am definitely more concerned. I'm lucky because I live in an apartment building and that takes care of most of it. If you will have a home and you are traveling or you are a family that you need to protect, anything like that, SimpliSafe is the move. With fast protect monitoring and live guard protection.

Simply safe agents can act within five seconds of receiving your alarm and can even see and speak to intruders to stop them in their tracks. You'll never be locked into a long-term agreement. You can cancel at any time. Pricing is transparent and affordable at less than $1 a day with no hidden fees ever less than a dollar a day is crazy. That is you spend over a dollar a day on countless unnecessary things. Might as well spend it on peace of mind. We'll be right back. a free indoor security camera when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring. Just visit simplisafe.com slash KFC Radio. That's simply, S-I-M-P-L-I, safe.com slash KFC Radio.

There is no safe like SimpliSafe. Speaking of Taylor, Taylor had an old Taylor moment at the U.S. Open. What was that? It was just her. Travis Kelsey looked so fucking stupid oh he had a gucci hat gucci outfit on like head to toe just like old it was old travis and old taylor yeah because it was travis being like it's like you look like such a douchebag bro and taylor i think taylor was shit-faced in which case because honey honey yo the honey dudes are gonna make 10

million dollars they make 500k a day on those drinks. Really? I was talking to him. Like, dude, this is, I know that like, yes, this is just a couple having fun. And I understand this is like, just let people live, right? Like understood that this is ridiculous to be critiquing anybody for this. But this is crazy. Oh, I thought this was great.

She's like at a fucking concert. Like nobody else, like, yeah, there are people in front of me. I like this was great she's like at a fucking concert like nobody else like yeah there are people in front of like that i thought that was great that's the clip yeah this is a lot this is a lot to be at a sporting event doing this that's a lot that's a lot when she's like touching his chest chest grab was a lot yeah after that when they were that one i thought was great this and look at look even travis is like okay okay okay okay okay he's like i gotta do this because you're jealous yeah i well i know you do that with any girlfriend if they're if they're jamming out you sing a few lyrics and you start laughing yes but i'm in my head i'm going like oh god this

is so she's so drunk and she's dancing but i'm dating her so i gotta do it with her gotta be a supportive boyfriend but boy i don't want to be doing this like she's doing the air guitar and shit like and now again if if she like tweeted out today like i was hammered yesterday i'd be like okay girl dude i think i think he steals the show as looking worse yes he looks like a literal clown yeah like this looks like you are dressed up like for halloween being a fucking idiot on purpose you're like a literal clown yeah like this looks like you are dressed up like for halloween being a fucking idiot on purpose you're like a literal jester i just like passed by this yesterday the uh it never made beautiful dogs but shane had a bit about where when he was in australia which was a bummer that didn't make beautiful dogs i love this when i remember he

was like he did his hat at east meadow right yeah yeah and he uh it's great he's not wearing a bucket hat because he's in australia yeah no black people around to make fun of him yeah he steps outside and the first thing someone says is nice hat fat so i texted out to shane i was like i imagine this is how you looked when they're australians it's a great call i mean it's it's a very um it's actually kind of a testament to how much taylor has like uh won the battle because this would have been something like 10 years ago that people would have like yeah this would have been like cancel taylor's dancing at the u.s open and there was some people being like she's she does so much and she's so extra blah blah but it was just like whatever it doesn't matter anymore because she runs the at the US Open. And there was some people being like, she does so much and she's so extra, blah, blah, blah.

But it was just like, whatever. It doesn't matter anymore because she runs the Planet Earth. Yeah. You know? So she can do this kind of shit. It is funny. I actually think on a personal level for her,

it's like fucking fantastic. Like she's probably like, I don't care. Yeah. And I'm just like in love with this guy and having a fucking blast. And I used to date people that like would complain about this

or would be awkward and she's like i don't fucking care anymore so like good for you but as a just like a consumer viewer i was like this gives me the chills they were the first keeg sent me the clip and like the first three seconds i'm sure keeg's masturbated i was like i was like oh how am i gonna respond to this text and then but then i was like never mind they're fucking rocking out hell yeah yeah speaking of masturbating do you know that if you are in texas you can't go to porn hub um it's one of those states i guess you have to have a login it was like login to confirm your age i'm like i'm not creating a login i was gonna say i knew it was virginia i knew there were a couple i get most of the red states i'd imagine yeah i didn't

realize utah's one of the that's a tough one these days when I'm not in my real beater prime where I'm going to like the weird sites. I just go to Pornhub and it's like – so I started to go back to like some of the other ones and they're all owned by Pornhub I think now. So they're all – I log in. I was like, I can't watch porn.

X videos is still off the beaten path. X videos is fucking weird, man. X videos is a little weird for the off the beaten path x videos is fucking weird man it's a little weird for my 40 year old self x videos is tough because like the second you log on there's that pop-up well i feel like i can feel the virus like coursing through my phone it's like my phone is like shaking from the virus okay crazy um what do we got what do you got um the uh i a girl i follow on instagram i'm on our close friends and uh you know people people do they're so desperate there are like influencers and shit who are going through and putting all of their followers as close friends oh that makes sense

you'll like because i i'm on a lot of close friends i'm like what the fuck am i doing here but could you imagine sitting there like you have to do it manually so they just they're like i'll do like a hundred a day you what problems dude and if you were you know if you're a like a person you have like thousands hundreds of thousands tens of thousands that's insane but how many people would go i'm on your phone see i i get the exact opposite reaction i'm like why the fuck am i well yeah but you're you and they're them the uh but i follow this girl and she she i don't know if she was on a date i don't know what she was on but she's posted on her close friend story just a picture of a guy at dinner and it was not in a date position like it wasn't right away but yeah so i don't know some guy she knows and and and they just had a quote which presumably

was from him and it said i'm eskimo friends with a dog i used to date a girl who got into bestiality and i was like that's the most rad shit that trumps every dude i've never been an eskimo bros guy like i like even in college when people like love that shit i was like i don't want to high five you because we fuck the same bro. That's weird. Like, let's keep our distance here. Not even keep our distance, but, like,

we don't need to celebrate that. It doesn't need to be a fucking thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if I was Eskimo bros with fucking Beethoven, like, come here, Billy boy. Come here.

Do I got a secret for you? That is one of the sickest brags of all time. Like, dude. I mean, that's top oh.001% of society. There's probably like maybe only five. Like you can count on one hand the amount of people that say that. I've been in the same pussy a cock or spaniel has.

Now that is also, you think that's like, yeah, she got into some shit after I fucked her. Or when you were fucking her, you're like, this is the kind of girl I might fuck a dog. Because there's a big difference. There's a big difference if you used to date a girl and then she just went wild after the fact. Or if while you were fucking her, the thought went through your head like, this girl might have been fucked by a different species. Now that you're clarifying it, it would have to be post. I don't think i could be fucking i feel like i just like a dog can do things i can't like i got i got competition with

people of the same dexterity as me i don't need to be like like dude dogs with doggy styles like you merely embrace the dog. I was born into it. She was named after me. They don't call it human style. They call it doggy style. Hilarious. You know in movies when a dog comes up and talks? And it's like, you're in there. I was like, things like, I beat that thing up.

Get out of here. Scram. Let's get out of here. I don't want to hear about that it's the love of my life you're talking about you should see your god what's a body count the dog man and you know what now here's another question here's every dog you fuck counts as seven on the body here's another question for you does the type of dog matter yeah i think it totally matters i think if you fuck a german shepherd you are a slut

if you fuck like a golden doodle it's like that's basically like a white person you fuck like a doberman if you get fucked by a pit basically like a white person. You fuck like a Doberman. If you get fucked by a pit bull or a boxer, you are a whore, bro. I was going to say, a pit bull, like I've seen

their back muscles. Pit bull's like holding you up. Pit bull's fucking you standing up and I got to come in and compete with that? Get out of here!

A pit bull, no doubt, fucks better than I fuck. Definitely has more stamina. Dude, I have like a good beat with that. Get out of here. A pit bull no doubt fucks better than I fuck. Definitely has more stamina. Dude, I have like a floor-length mirror in my room. I've had sex in front of it a time or two. And I'm just picturing a pit bull like looking at himself in the mirror like Patrick Bateman. He's got her leg fucking around his haunch. What the fuck?

Dog hump. Just a little motion uh what is what is if you were going to fuck a girl after she fucked a dog what and what type of dog would be the best like the best though that you could like look the other way on i mean it's like everything right it's got to be like a tiny little nerdy dog like you got a little fucking chihuahua or something like that even that that like i think i want somewhere somebody in the middle just like a lazy just a golden doodle made love to her yeah yeah yeah i didn't fuck the dog the dog made love to me it's different honestly yeah like like like you don't want to know if your girl has been like

fucked by some guy who's just like you know big dick big body big you know all that you want me like yeah you just like fuck that regular guy. So give me just like a mutt. Just give me like a droopy-eared mutt. A beagle. You can fuck a beagle. I will fuck you if you fuck a beagle. That's it.

Any other species, you're out. That is something, dude. And now is, and I would also, let's be be gentlemen here anything other than a dog no go they'll go that's uh you know that's a big time you have a cat eat pussy yeah that's true just a cat grooming you just licking your pussy they'd probably be great at it. Just a little tiny tongue. But if, you know, I mean, I can't even imagine. When you think of bestiality, I mean, like if someone fucked a horse or one of those things, crazy. Yeah, right. And if you're like monkeys or anything else, that's crazy.

Dude, I'm scared to be in the same room as a horse. So if you fucked one, good on you. All right, boys, let's go. Hey, KFC Radio. This guy's awesome. Boys, Jackie, love you on the third mic. Pavs, love you. All right, boys, let's go. Hey, KFC Radio. This guy's awesome. Boys, Jackie, love you on the third mic. Pavs, love you. I'm just out here eating a quick lunch, and there's a man over here who I'm going to assume is homeless, which is fine. But he's got a pigeon on his back.

And you don't really see that too much i'm in reno but uh it got me thinking just like with all cultures it's different different from west coast to east coast do you think there's different homeless customs like like i said don't see a lot of pigeons on backs. I would say definitely. Maybe you guys see that a lot in New York City. Totally. That's what I'm thinking. That was going to be my point.

Viva. I see that. The people with rats running all over. I wouldn't say I see it regularly, but it's certainly. I've seen it enough that I don't even react if I see it. I think I still would. I'd still go, oh, shit. But it wouldn't be a crazy reaction.

Yeah. I saw some homeless people. Oh, he's in Reno. Reno. Bro, I feel like'd still go, oh, shit. But it wouldn't be a crazy reaction. Yeah. I saw some homeless people. Oh, he's in Reno. Reno. Bro, I feel like Reno. You probably see some shit. Some shit. I just don't want them homeless.

I just feel like regular people there might be weird. The homeless people in Austin, I was there this weekend, were homeless. They were like, oh, that is a dirty homeless person. Yeah. Which I didn't think they were there yet. Oh, dude, are you kidding me? That's a big thing there? Oh, when we went. Remember when we went to that breakfast when we were there?

And we just walked down like that main street and it was just full of homeless people? Yeah, I guess I just kind of forgot that because I saw them this weekend. I was like, oh, you are like, you know, you would fit in New York. I think of New York as the homeless capital of the world. It's like if you can make it here homeless, you can make it anywhere. You can be homeless in New York. You can be homeless in any city. But maybe some of these others. New York has the homeless capital of the world. It's like if you can make it here homeless, you can make it anywhere. You can be homeless in New York. You can be homeless in any city. But maybe some of these others.

New York homeless. I'll walk down the street. There's someone who sleeps in front of this Duane Reade. Every morning I'm like, if I could sleep like that. Dude, they are out like a light. I mean, they're probably on heroin. But they sleep comfortably. They look like comfy cozy.

They're like their arms. You know what I mean? They're not like, let me curl up. No, this one was curly, but curled up cozy. Like had a pillow. like, they're arm, you know what I mean? They're not, like, let me curl up and, like. No, this one's the, this one was, like, curled up cozy. Like, had a pillow. I like the guys who are, like, this. Just, like, I don't, you step on me, whatever. I'm snoozing.

I'm snoozing. Pavements, it's either a thousand degrees or, like, negative thousand degrees. They're, like. But, yeah, those guys are, you know, heroin. So, I think, like, you know, homeless in, in like San Diego is like, I can't tell if you're like a beach bum or a homeless guy. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I would think Reno's kind of give you the same, like, you're like, I can't tell if that guy, you're playing poker at a tough night. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Yeah. And then, I mean, you go to some of these other like hipster cities, the homeless people probably have like iPhones and shit. So there's definitely levels to it.

But I would say New York is king homeless. LA had a lot too, right? LA was like – LA a lot. Yeah. But LA, they're communities. Here it seems like obviously there's communities at night and stuff like that. But everyone here seems to be like, it's for me.

Which I guess is customary for New York versus LA. Yeah. At least what I know of the stereotypes. It's like, you're on your own here versus like, hey, we're all together. The homeless follow suit. Yeah. They got the overpasses. They got whole towns under overpasses.

Yeah, for real. But the – I bet you there's some panhandle cities in Florida that get grimy overpasses. Yeah, for real. But the – I bet you there's some panhandle cities in Florida that get grimy with it too. Yeah. I think it's crazy that people don't go – I think it's so easy. And maybe this is because I don't spend much time in resorts anymore. But when I was in high school and college and I would go to a resort

and all you do is just sign your room number, I'm like, why isn't this place full of homeless people who just stole some nice clothes? Get in there one time. You just hang out and just write a random room number down. Who gives a fuck? Yeah. I know that's obviously not a long-term plan. But at least for a night.

But you got some time there. Bounce around. Yeah. You know? Plenty of hotels. Go to Orlando. There's 10,000 resorts. Right. And just slide in

yeah it's not a bad idea i also always say just start walking just start walking yeah in one of these cities yeah get to warm weather get to a nice place the real goal is to get to like the bahamas and be one of those guys on the beach who are like homeless but they're like i'll get you a pina colada yeah all right whatever i'm in like i'm on vacation i'm in a giving mood he climbed up and got a coconut out of that tree for me i remember that that happened he's like i'll get you a pina colada. You're like, all right, whatever. I'm on vacation. I'm in a giving mood. He climbed up and got a coconut out of that tree for me. I remember that. That happened. He was like, I'll get you that coconut for five bucks. I was like, that's entertaining.

There was another guy on the dock. We went on a cruise. He was like, I'll jump in the water for five bucks. I was like, I kind of want to see that. He just threw a cannonball into the bay, and I was like, here you go. That's the real goal. So if you're in New York, start walking to Miami, get down to the bottom of Florida, and just paddle your way to the islands. That's where it's at. I never thought of that. That's crazy that homeless just choose to live in New York, start walking to Miami, get down to the bottom of Florida and just like paddle your way to the islands.

That's where it's at. I never thought of that. It's crazy that homeless just choose to live in New York. Or don't choose. I know it's hard to get down. Yeah. Like I would just start moving. I don't know.

Hitchhike or just start. But I think the thing is there's so much like I bet you can make money here, you know. But then the cost of everything is so high. But there's also a lot of resources. Yeah. You can sleep in the subway. But I mean even more resources like shelter and stuff like that. Oh, yeah.

If you're homeless in the middle of the fucking turnpike, you're fucked. Like Tuesdays, I know when I get off my subway stop, I get off right by a church. There's a humongous line of homeless people because that church gives out food and stuff like that. And I'm sure that happens a lot. I'm sure other churches would do it. But I think because there isn't a homeless population, they don't think to do it. I used to do like a meals on wheels thing when I was in high school,

like doing like community service shit where we drive into the city with like an Astro van and give out clothes. And you'd be surprised how picky they are. Really? Yeah. They'd be like, meh. It's like for real?

For real? Jet shirt? I'm a Giants guy. Like legit shit like that. I was like, respect it. You real? Jitscher? I'm a Giants guy. Like legit shit like that. I was like, respect it. You also have your fashion sense, I guess. I don't want to ruin that for you. All right, next up.

Yo, KFC, Feist, Jackie, everybody in the studio, what's up? Oh, wait, real quick, pause this. I forgot to say last time when the person shouted out Jackie. I don't think we acknowledge that Jackie's not here anymore. She quit. Oh, yeah, she's on vacation. Oh, you said she quit? Oh, sorry. No, no i wasn't gonna i wasn't gonna run with it okay um the but it was very funny when jackie jackie not struggled with the decision but she considered it for a day or two when we asked her to to join the third chair and and then

she sent a text and like you guys are so nice. I'd love to. I was just worried about myself. Whatever. Some text explaining why she took some time. And we're like, you're great. You're going to crush it. And then the next text was, by the way,

I'm going to go on vacation for two weeks. Two weeks. It was like the quickest taking advantage of, not that there is a new vacation policy. Anyone can take vacation whenever the fuck you want. It was some timing. It was some timing. Hey, we're going to start this new era of the show.

I'll be gone for four episodes. Motherfucker. Be gone for half a month. See you later. Great. But Jackie will be back Tuesday, Wednesday I think. I don't know if she'll be here Wednesday. Who knows? Jackie might take her time. I don't think she'll be back for Wednesday. Who knows? I think she'll be back. Who knows? Jackie might take her time. I don't think she'll be back for Wednesday.

No. I don't think so. She'll probably be back next Thursday. Next time. Yo, KFC, Feist, Jackie, everybody at the studio, what's up? If you don't remember me, I told the story of Captain Hook, the one-handed South Korean. Now, I got another one for you.

This one goes a little bit different but i was thinking about it and you guys are gonna go and run away with this i i fucking know it so another tale of tinder i uh match with the chick we end up going bowling weird bowling but whatever date goes fine i go home and i get a text at like 10 o'clock saying like, uh, Hey, I got a bottle of wine and a bottle of vodka in my trunk and a change of clothes. Uh, can I come over that? So she comes over, whatever the next day, she's like, I got to take a shower before work. Do you want to come in? I'm like, fine. I got a tiny ass shower though. So she asked me to partake in some activities in the shower. I obliged. And at the finale of said moment, I start getting ready to get out, turn off the water.

And she looks to me and she goes like, I can't see now. I will say tiny shower. She was just getting blasted by the shower head. So I go, Oh yeah, no, let me get you a towel. And she changes her voice. It kind of shifts from like, I can't see to everything's black. I can't see. And I don't know if it's because I've been watching you guys and listening for so long, but the first words to come out of my mouth were, I kid you not. Wait, so I fucked you senseless? So her vision did come back. Wait, it was like 30 minutes.

She was just blind sitting on the couch, and then, like, eventually it came back. I still don't know what happened, but my question for you all is, what's a phrase, euphemism, colloquialism, when taking literally would be, you know, the funniest, the craziest? We're not talking like twist my arm, pull my chain, but let's find out some good ones, all right, Viva? Well, the obvious is I fuck the shit out of you. A lot of people say that, and I always think of that literally.

I was going to say, also, everyone's done that. I was going to say, that's actually one that can happen. So that's probably the number one the number one draft pick there um the uh fucking somebody blind is dude sit on the couch half hour blinds it's crazy to sit on the couch after you dump a gallon of blood i was about to say how long would you need to be blind before you were like let's go to a doctor or something you're going somewhere i don't think i'm just sitting waiting that one out no a half hour is i guess maybe a half hour is right around the precipice of of 10 full minutes of blind and you i mean you're thinking after like 60 seconds he's got to come back dude

particularly if i was him i'd be like let's go to the hospital. Right. Like, I don't want to sit here. Yeah. I had that, like, very recently. I was on a – I just let you sit here blind. I was on a booze cruise with a buddy who – he, like, faints. And, like, it was a four-hour booze cruise. And at the hour three mark, he was like, I'm going to faint. Like, it's fine. Don't worry.

I'm going out. See you later. And I was like, well, what the fuck do I do? And he's like, we just got – like, he's like, I'm just going to go sit quietly alone. Just leave me alone. And I was like, I'm not going to leave you alone, dude. You just told me you're going to faint. And I sat with him for an hour on the deck of the ship.

Unconscious for an hour? No, no, no. He didn't. Luckily, he didn't faint. Oh, okay. But he kept being like, I'm going to faint. I'm going to faint. And I was like, what do I do?

What do I do? Do I tell the captain? He's like, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. And I kept being like, very stressed out about it. I was like, what do I do? Do I tell the captain? He's like, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. And I kept being very stressed out about it. I was like, what am I supposed to do? And then afterwards, you just seasick.

Afterwards, we get into a cab. And I was like, so just for future reference, what do I do? How long is okay? And they were like, probably like a minute. I was like, dude, I was going to give you the fucking hour. The way you were talking about it, I thought you had forever once you passed out. I would have not gotten that.

If you had passed out and it lasted a half hour, I wouldn't have budged an inch. Because you were handling it with such confidence. If you are unconscious for an hour, you are dead. I mean, I'm checking your breathing, but you're fucking dead. They'd be like, is he okay? I don't know. He said he was going to get up.

That to me would have read like, I faint all the time. It'll be fine. They do. Yeah. So it was, but like, I need to know if it's a minute. Don't say I'll be fine. Right. If it's a minute, because a minute is short.

Very short. Like once you get over a minute, but it's an eternity. If you're blind, if I'm like sitting there, I'm like, it'll be back like 59, 60. Oh fuck. Yeah.

Now I have a problem. 30 minutes. That is insanity. All right. Uh, that's it for voicemails. We're going to get into it with our girl, Brittany Schmidt.

See you next time. TD, Tuddy, taking it to the house in four, six, whatever you call a touchdown. One thing's for sure. Touchdowns matter more at DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL.

I bet touchdowns this week. It was a blast. It's a blast because I won. I had Ramondre Stevenson in our office pool. Got it. I had Ramondre Stevenson first touchdown in the game itself. Got it. I had Ramondre Stevenson anytime touchdown in the game itself. Got it. I had Ramondre Stevenson anytime touchdown in the game itself.

Got it. Ramondre Stevenson is paying for my train to Boston today. Thank you very much. Beat on the ground. Beat in the air. Excuse me. From special teams or defense, we don't care how they score. We want to bet on touchdowns.

And DraftKings Sportsbook is the number one place to bet touchdowns. Ready to place your first NFL bet? Try betting on something simple like a player to score a touchdown. Go to DraftKings Sportsbook app and make your bet today. Are you ready to do a touchdown dance of your own? New DraftKings customers bet $5 to get $250 in bonus bets instantly and get one month of NFL Plus Premium. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code KFC. That's code KFC for new customers to get $250 in bonus bets when you bet just

five bucks and you get one month of NFL Plus Premium only on DraftKings. The crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or in West Virginia, visit www.1800gambler.net. In New York, call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY 467-369. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort in Kansas, 21 plus age varies by jurisdiction.

Void in Ontario. One no-sweat bet per new customer. Issued as one bonus bet equal to amount of initial losing bet and expires 168 hours after issuance. See DKNG.com slash promos for deposit, wagering, and eligibility restrictions, terms, and responsible gaming resources. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In New York, call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY 467-369.

In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort in Kansas, 21 and over, age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in New Hampshire, Oregon, and Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see dkng.co slash ftball.

NFL Plus Premium offer available only to new and former NFL Plus subscribers. Additional NFL Plus Premium terms at nfl.com slash terms. It's like no one ever thinks a person who drinks cold, like dressing in a dress, is older than they are. It's not cool. Right. Wait, wait. It's like, no one ever thinks a person who dresses older than they are is not cool. Right. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I think that's...

No one ever thinks that someone who dresses older than they are is not cool. Yeah. So if you see, like, a kid wearing, like, a suit or something,

you're like, you don't make fun of that person. You think they're still good. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, yeah. I don't know what their deal is. I think there's... Right, right.

That's a Fortune 500 kid right there. I didn't mean like sweater vet. If you dress younger than you are I feel like people will be like what are they trying to do? If you dress older than you are... I was going to say it's a fine line.

I think you have to age appropriately but I don't want to get old old either. I would not be like, what are you wearing? No, I know, but I feel like millennials are getting roasted. Like Gen Z. Well, we're in the middle of it right now. Really? Our producers just said that millennials are cringy.

No. Yeah. You asked what the Gen Z are. Yeah. And you said they're cringy and that, what was the other one? We say things like, I love unicorns or something like that, right? We try to be quirky. Yeah, we're quirky.

But I did understand the one idea of like – Aren't we all just mentally ill? What? Aren't we all just mentally ill? I don't think it's quirky. We're just like autistic. We're like, I love unicorns. Well, I for sure think that we are the generation – that did not get fully diagnosed every single time.

So they went wrong. Yeah, but then we took it upon ourselves to diagnose ourselves. And then we told the whole internet about it. Now what we're doing is complaining that our parents didn't do a good job. And we have every disease under the sun. And it's like, no, you are just quirky. I don't know. Whatever.

We're the first generation that's going to end trauma. Chill out. No, you're not. Nobody's ending that. Talk to your friends. Break the cycle. we're the first generation that's gonna end trauma like chill out no you're not nobody's ending that talk to your friend break the cycle guilty of all of this that's why when they were talking

I was like not you know like a good example of like when we all found that's what she said like so funny right

they're like you're fucking losers or like your mom yeah I was like I know it's funny it's kind of funny it's kind of funny it's kind of funny

yeah I mean I heard we can't wear ankle socks anymore yo so I will not there's some things I will like kind of cave on when I see these goofs

wearing like high white socks I'm like you are fucking losers you look like a gym teacher I can't do it I can't do it I'm not sure he looks like this

and he's like you're a fucking loser but I will I cannot to me like white socks pulled up and then like your pants high enough to show it is like throw your dick in a fucking meat grinder because you're never gonna have sex dude i don't know who likes you just beat yourself up sex

anyway so like that's the trend what do you ever just has yeah well i don't know that i'm like an expert i'm like listen they're not fucking me anyway yeah there was some shit that like you know 20 percent kids are saying they don't have sex at all or whatever yeah i had a not like children let's clarify i had a friend once who was like they they brought their girlfriend on like a weekend away or whatever and i never met her and i was wearing ankle socks. I don't know. I was wearing some kind of socks.

And my friend's not particularly – he's a big guy, fat guy. Yeah. And she was like – she's like, oh, I would never fuck someone in socks like that. And I was like, okay, so you do have standards. So we found the lie. He's sitting there with his long socks pulled off, crossing his legs. His socks just cover his whole body.

Like his dick is just out. He's just in one big sock. Yeah, that to me, like almost everything is cyclical with fashion. You know, it's like now everyone's wearing baggy pants. Like when skinny jeans were in, I was like, this is insane. And I was getting made fun of for wearing like straight cut jeans or whatever.

And now it's like, if you wear skinny jeans, you're the biggest fucking loser. It all goes around and around. But those, those socks, man, but I will say about the baggy jeans too.

I was furious when those came out. I'm like, I have been squatting for 10 years to get this fucking ass. And now we're covering it up. Like nobody knows if I have a dog. But also like great, great move by, you know, I guess like the D'Amelios or whoever fucking invented it. Yeah, but you know.

Wavy hoes. What a great like coming of age for girls in that generation who don't have to worry about. I mean, we had it, you know to worry about i mean you we had it you know girls our age you guys had it the worst with not only i mean you had the low rise you had fucking you know what i mean it was like yeah but i was like a teenager then so i didn't yeah so i guess it's the people who were like a little bit older who were trying to be young being like i have to wear what right and now it's like you can wear fucking baggy jeans

and like yoga pants and you're in. I can't do the low waist. I'm just like, it's not for me. It's all cyclical, but that will never go back. Girls have to stand together.

No, that one was tough. I was like, hang on. It was like clit huggers. If you go back and look at some Britney Spears and Paris Hilton pictures, it is like,

you must not have a clit. It is so low. I'm like, where is your vagina? I know, I know. There's like a foot between their belly button

and their pants. My pussy could never. It just does. Yeah, that was. On that note. Speaking of my pussy. On that note,

the new special horny. Horny's out. I love you leaning into it. Yeah. Because I know so much of it such a big part of it for female comics and I know you specifically it's like let me talk about sex it's like yeah man I don't know

well this one for me it was supposed to be called horny for the sweet release of death so but that's too fucking long and then a lot of it's about sex and i don't love that i know i get the same like you know women just get that criticism like all you need is talk about sex and i'm like this one's a lot of sex like my last one was a little less

but this one's like yeah you're gonna get what you hate if you're an incel you're not gonna like to kind of to draw a parallel with the fat the stuff we're talking about like you just do what you like right like this is this is what i like to what you lived or what your experience is like and if it's good i understand when it's like a hack female comedian right and they are not funny and they're just talking about sex and that like gets them some followers or whatever that i could understand where people call it out but if it's like okay it was the topic was sex and it was a funny joke yeah what's your fucking problem the jokes are okay i'll be honest i think you're a very good joke like writer punchline joke

type you know like that yeah that and your delivery and all that you also have some very interesting things you talk about. Like sex. No, but like. And basketball players. Speaking of basketball players. And sex. The field.

Is that real? Oh, yeah. That whole thing. So everything. That's the other thing. That special is just autobiographical. It's what has happened to me in the last two years. It's been a nightmare.

Also, by the way, you didn't fucking break your sobriety huh that doesn't you didn't break your sobriety come on i know listen give yourself some grace jack when you said it i was like oh fuck so you start running again no i wouldn't that's the thing that's why i wouldn't you know because you know i'm in aa whatever and they're very strict if you do anything that affects you from the neck up it's a relapse and i started smoking weed and I did ayahuasca and I was like just being a chill girl, you know? And they're like, you have to start your day count over. I was very mad for a long time. You're an ayahuasca?

That surprises me. I think that's unfair. I don't need to be in it? Great. But you don't strike me as like a – like I feel like you would like think all like the – I guess the prayer aspect of it and like the group aspect of it. Right, right, right. I think you'd be like, fuck all these people. You're projecting, John.

You're projecting. No, no, no. I agree. I had a really hard time with that in the beginning and I didn't – there is like a higher power aspect of it that I was very like defiant of in the beginning. And then I finally was like, whatever. Nothing else is working. Like nothing that I'm doing is working. So I did it and it worked and I relapsed.

Wait. Let me interrupt. It really is like a So I did it and it worked and I relapsed. Wait, let me interrupt. It really is like a religious aspect? No, it's a higher power. So they have like, it's like turning your life and your will over to, sorry, this is getting late. It's turning your life and your will over to like a higher power, but as you define it. So you can define your higher power as anything. Because a lot of people go in with like a lot of religious trauma and like things where they don't want to have a God or they don't believe in god or they're atheists and you're allowed to stay stay that forever but it's like you just can't be the one that's in control of your life at all times because then

that makes your life like miserable because when things aren't going your way you think it's your fault you think you can control everything it's like much easier if you just release it to something else so like in the beginning when i was very defiant of a higher power, I was just like, my, my God or my higher power was just my dog or like flowers or like something that made me happy that I looked at. And I was like, I know I could never make that. You know what I mean? Like I know.

So that's kind of, so I was just like, whatever that is. Anyway, joined my cult. But wait, so field is this app. I can't believe I haven haven't hadn't heard about it

um well you know because we're deviant but yeah um you hadn't heard about it no i learned about it from the special yeah my just get an account to go see what's going on in the world it'll scare you yeah it'll scare you and you just lay it all out there is that the idea so it's like a sex positive kink app that That's how it's positioned. So people have some like freaky ass shit that they're into and they literally just put it on their profiles. And then before they'll meet up often, they'll like want to talk to you to make sure that you're down with whatever

they're into in the bedroom. And a hundred percent of the time, I was not down. It was crazy. It was crazy. It's not like, no, I mean like that guy being like I'm into anal

it's like ah you better like chop your head off and even there I'm out like she's not an anal queen what was the craziest thing well I mean I talked about it on the special

that guy that's I don't want to give it away but like if you want yeah no that guy that was switch where he's he's like sometimes I'm dominant and sometimes I'm submissive so he's like sometimes

I'm going to want you to chain me up and whip me and tell me I have a small dick and he's like don't worry I don't have a small dick I'm like that's not what I'm worried about I'm submissive so he's like sometimes I'm going to want you to chain me up and whip me and tell me I have a small dick and he's like don't worry I don't have a small dick I'm like that's not what I'm worried about I'm worried I'm worried that you've never got a hug from your father you know like that's and then

that's that's one thing that's fine but like the the he wanted me to peg him and I could never I mean like listen I'll fuck the shit out of you I know I would if I put a strap on I have like a lot I mean I could never but I will back me into a corner I will but I don't want to I think that's like right I have like poop on my fake dick like I don't it sounds just like I'll be throwing up like you with the egg i mean that that does i can't understand why that app would just

open the door to like the literal freaks yeah but some variation of that i think is a great idea just lay it on the table and don't judge and then like weed out the people where it's like we are not like yes you're great otherwise but if you're not compatible sexually it's gonna be a problem right so you got a great family and a great job and you look perfect and blah blah blah but you're vanilla in bed and i'm crazy it's not gonna work it's not gonna work so it's like let's get that out of the way that should be you know people have certain like uh non-starters should probably be that and if you're really kinky. Yeah, no,

totally. I just think I wish people would like keep it to themselves a little while longer. Like kind of, I'm a little old school. I feel like everything changed a little. Like I had another guy not on field, just another guy out in the fucking wild who was really into this musician, like super successful,

like great. I was like checking all the boxes. And then he's like, started talking about sex. And he's like, I want you to suck my dick until I cum and then spit it in my mouth. And I was like. The snowball.

Dude, I. The snowball. I was like, that's gay. You're fucking gay, dude. The craziest thing about that. He's like, I snowball a lot. I know. I've had porns ruined where I'm like, I watched the porn.

I'm like, wait, what are you doing, dude? Now I watched it. I already already came now i'm a fucking animal the craziest part of the snowball is let's say even you're let's say she's into it you you get talked into it heat of the moment you're like all right we're gonna fucking do it then you come and that thought is gone so for you to follow through with that i'd be like you know like i'll get caught up in the moment for almost goddamn anything but after you come it's like well i'm not really gonna do all that shit like you know i'll text i'll say all sorts

of shit and it's like i'm not actually gonna do that i just came yeah this is over i'll see you next time i had a long distance relationship once it wasn't relationship it was just like a hookup but like she lives in connecticut i lived in massachusetts at the time i think we fucked like three times but we would sext all the time right i'm gonna come tomorrow i'll be there tomorrow and then I come that night I don't know it's like a five hour drive there was a lot of traffic right a lot of traffic my legs kind of hurt my knees are popping yeah

there's just something too about sexting that I feel like is so misleading like there's actually a guy from the Cavs that I was talking to who was like

such a great and I'm fucking him this weekend no big deal but there is he was such a great sexter and then when we fucked

it was not at all what he was talking about yeah that's tough I was like what the fuck was that I think everybody deserves you's tough better fucking english than i am at fucking that's right that's what i was i think you gotta give a little bit of leeway both sides with like sex thing is its own little art form and you're gonna like get each other riled up and then you know you do like hopefully like 80 of it i don't think you can be held to like everything that's it but i'm just so

bad at fucking sexting like he'll be like do you know you have a great pussy and i'm like yeah you just thumbs up it i'll like read it and i have my red receipts on and then like walk away and he just keeps going i'm like stop i'm like at a meeting there are like sexting does get to times where you're like wait yeah i've i've said for a while now i'm in a post sexting more post nude society i'm like i don't fucking i don't need to see it i'll see it when i see it don't you're not you don't want to receive nudes or you're not sending them anymore i don't really care it's over as i've gotten you you've been on that for for a minute as i've gotten older i've joined the I don't really care. It's over. You've been on that for a minute.

As I've gotten older, I've joined the cult. Yeah, I'm like, I don't want to text that much. I'll see you later. How about that? You just have fun. You're still full-blown? Well, you just said you're not really, right? What?

Full-blown sexting? Like, have you changed at all? No, no, no. No, I know. If they try and sext me, I try and do it back. But I'm just like, it is exhausting. I have shit to do. All right, so you agree with me. I'm busy, but I do like, I don't like nudes, but I'll like a dick pic, but it has to be perfectly timed.

Like, I have to be really horny and really want it. Because a dick pic out of the blue is like getting hit in the back of the head. It is so. It's the knock as i've gotten older it's been like not as well but you're like settled you're like chilling yeah but like but even but even like it's just more of like the mindset like i'm not i watch a fraction of the porn i used to watch i yes yeah i don't watch the fraction i haven't watched i used to watch. I sex a fraction. I haven't watched. I used to be addicted to porn. Right, right, right.

I was going to say you had an issue. Yeah. I wasn't showing up to work. No, I wasn't. I was. Yeah, you actually wrote what I was going to say. I was like a bad alcoholic. I wasn't showing up to work.

That is crazy. Because I think it's one thing if it's like sex is ruining relationships because like it has unrealistic expectations. It's like, I don't know. To me, that's like any movie or book or whatever. It's like, yeah, it's all a little heightened. If you can't distinguish between that, I guess you might have a problem with it. But the people who are like, I wouldn't leave my apartment because I was just watching porn. Yeah, that's me.

That's also like you're just not masturbating, right? If I can judge your masturbation. Thank you, Josh. I can. Yeah, you can do that. I don't have to miss work, miss work dude i can do it i don't think a piss right now i know i'll come back you guys are like how was that piss which is great i also came there but it was part of like my hangover ritual to get rid of my hangover i'd have to masturbate like eight times so i'd be so I'm drunk overall time yeah that is a vicious vicious cycle yeah so the field

you were not not a fan I'm not on any apps anymore I'm just like it's not a priority I was like excited to fuck and then I feel like it was just like

all small dicks and erectile dysfunctions I was like the Rocky of ED I was just like taking over like I can't I can't just one after another

oh my god it's unbelievable I wonder was there a little like intimidation factor or something I don't know or the't. Just one answer or another? Oh my God. It's unbelievable. I wonder. Is that a little like intimidation factor or something? I don't know. Or the porn thing might be real. Like,

gosh, or maybe it's LA because everyone's on antidepressants. Like maybe a little intimidation, maybe a little everything, but it was really depressing me. And I was like, I'm not depressed.

Take your small dick and depress it somewhere else because you're depressing me. Like, I actually don't like it. Me and my pussy are getting depressed yeah

I'm like I'm good so yeah no I'm just not really focused on it right now I never did any apps and I don't and I never will and I

yeah I try and shoot my shot in the DM sometimes and it does it I was gonna say I guess like Instagram is to me the ultimate like dating app at the end of the day

but it's you know a pretty low success rate at this point. I think the podcast I started isn't doing me any favors because I'm a fucking yapper. You are a yapper.

Queen of the yak. You got a mouth on you, bitch. You have no secrets. You are the opposite of a vault. In this special, you what? You aired three? Huh? How many? You aired three? Huh? How many?

You aired three guys out in this special? Did I? Oh. Oh, did I? Well, just like famously ruined a couple careers. No, no, no. No, I didn't. First of all, I never fucked Ryan Braun.

I just know girls that fucked him and he got herpes. I wasn't sure about that one. Yeah, no, I know. No, that's not me. And then, yeah, there's an NBA player in there who caught a stray, but that's what you get. When you say he caught a stray, it was like a fucking rocket launcher stray. You know who it is? Did you do the Google?

No, but, well, this was also, you know, there was the previous one. Well, he caught a rocket launcher. This guy just caught a stray. He just caught one of those bullets in the movies that go, doong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It like bounced off something else. This guy caught movies that go, Yeah, yeah, yeah. It like bounced off something else. This guy caught a Donald Trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He got caught a Donald Trump. The last guy, his house exploded. I think I ruined his life, and I do feel bad about that. He hasn't returned to the internet and like changed his phone number and whatever. Oh, you're still tracking him down, aren't you? No, no, no. He's like, you know. He changes his phone number like every week.

But I believe your retort to that was kind of like, well, then don't make me, don't try to make me have a threesome with your cousin. I guess that seems fair. Well, I didn't mind the threesome. It's the pee in the mouth, you know? It's like if you have a pee bone or

take care of it, don't piss in my mouth. That's insane behavior. I will probably talk about that. Yeah. I will like let people on the internet alphabetically figure you out. It sucks that it's years later though. I do think about that. Cause I'm like, you think you got away with it?

Like that dude probably for months and months was like looking over his shoulder. Like I shouldn't have done that. And then he's like, all right, I think I'm in the clear. And then they, they will just launch that nuke. Just 10, 20, 30 years later.

It doesn't matter. No, no man is safe. No one's safe. No one is safe until you're dead. Yeah. That's why I'm warning you for the sweet release of death. The only,

like only after I die, will I stop being afraid of women. Truly, truly. If I have a pulse, I will be afraid of women. But I don't feel like I'm that scared. Well, I guess I am. Listen, it's, it's cock blocked me so many Truly. If I have a pulse, I will be afraid of women. But I don't feel like I'm that scared. Well, I guess I am.

Listen, it's cock-blocked me so many times. Good! Fuck off. I just think if you're not a fucking lunatic, I won't say anything. So there's a lot of guys. You're almost, the response should be like, do you know how many guys I'm not talking about? That's the truth. Because if I talked about the guys that I could talk about right you know what i mean it would be but i don't

it's like if you are well behaved and you treat me right like i don't say anything so there's a lot of guys that i'm talking to that are well behaved and they're not also i did have a guy this is funny i had a guy watch my special and we were like toying with hooking up and then after like the night of my special when it came over came, he came over and we were hooking up and then he just like went in raw, which is crazy. And I guess Gen Z would call it rape, but I didn't. I was like, I'm a millennial. Don't worry about it. Like there was just no discussion, which was crazy.

And I was like, whoa. And he's like, I watched your special. I know you don't like condoms and i was like i think you missed the whole part where i thought i was dating that guy for six months like weird yeah when you like you went in raw i was like well in the special you said you like especially you were like really anti-con and then to top it off he came inside of me and i was like ready to have kids he's like you have an id i saw it in the special and i was like do you know how specials work i was like did you think i did it last night yeah like i it could be it's it don't worry but like it could be it was insane

i was the first time somebody's like actively used my jokes again like honestly i was sitting here and someone watched i was like i don't know it doesn't seem like you did anything I wouldn't have done if you if you blow up inside somebody without like

being any conversation or a conversation you are crazy it's like that is literally the act that creates a kid

right and you're doing it I mean I've had that argument used with me where it's like it's like not like in any like thing like that where it's just like i was like oh they're pregnant like yeah well they had sex and i was like yeah but still right that's crazy though right i have friends who were dating people like knowingly not on any sort of pill or anything

and yeah we just you know coming in all the time like that's crazy and they just got away with it that's crazy and then you know there's like the 16 year old girl who has sex once and she gets yeah yeah you're an asshole dude i don't know how how this works but i was very much particularly when i was younger like a person who as you mentioned especially like is scared that women are trying to get pregnant. I don't know if it's from movies, why I would think that, but I was like, condom on, I stick it in for a second,

and then I pull out, and I basically, I would describe my sex from 18 to 28, as like, I stick it in for a second, and then we wrestle, and I jerk off.

Not all the way to 28. Jesus Christ. 28 is probably a little late, but it's close. My sex life from 16 to today. I would, I use Trojan, like regular, the red box, no lube, like almost like powder dry condom. I was like extra thick. Like I wasn't, I wasn't fucking around with any of that. Like it's, it's raw.

It's extra thin. I was like, no, I need like the full fucking rubber glove on. When was this? I was like 16. I was like terrified, you know? When you were scared. Yeah. I would like fuck a lamb and I put the lamb in them.

Have you ever used one of those? No. Have you ever used one of those? What is it? The lamb skin condoms. For people who are like allergic to latex, you can make a condom out of lamb skin. Maybe somebody has. I don't know. I'm not keeping track. Have you ever used one of those? No. Have you ever used one of those? What is it? The lambskin condoms. For people who are like allergic to latex, you can make a condom out of lambskin. Maybe somebody has. I don't know.

I'm not keeping track. Have you ever used a female condom? I have an IUD. What are you saying? Like I kind of want to, I want to use a female condom like for fun. Like a dental, is it a dental dental? It's like a bag. It's like a fucking plastic bag.

And you just put your pussy. Yeah, it sounds really fun for your partner. It's like this wide. For the big pussies. You kind of like tuck it in, and then I think there's enough of like the outside's either like plastic or rubber or whatever so it doesn't like get pulled in. You know what I mean?

Sounds like you would come out and it would just be on your dick. I think, well, I'm just interested. Like a condom. This went from an innie to an outtie oh my god someone told me a story once where they were

having sex and they were having sex with a girl without a condom and then when they pulled out they had a condom on

like a condom was in there and it fucking from a different guy it was like on the tip of his dick

and I was like I was the girl you lost one up in there no I'm just kidding I've lost several but it never came out on someone else I had to let go

yeah yeah the fish hook in there the roto-rooter just fucking headlamp I don't think I've ever had that happen I've had a break

I don't think I've ever lost one time. Yeah. But it was, you know what? Fall off. Yeah.

It wasn't like, to me, the condom experience is wildly different. Like every time to me. And I mean, obviously, cause it's just how much, how wet you are or how, whatever's going on.

But like, sometimes it's, it does that thing where it like balls up on you and like pulls your tip in. You know what I mean? I don't even really remember condoms. Likeoms like like like sometimes you're trying to fuck like straight up i don't really remember i mean it's been a minute for me as well but i feel like sometimes they would be like the um the tip at the end would be like really like dangly and then other times it'd be like super tight on my dick

yeah i was like it was totally different i think i don't know how to use condoms i'm putting them on upside down i did one time you know the condoms that um uh that are um like help you not come no yeah there's like it No, but yes, yes, yes. Yeah, that's the thing now too. Like as a younger guy, it was like a little bit of a cheat code if you want it to last longer. And now as an older guy, I'm like, this is never going to end.

Oh, it's a nightmare. This is never going to end if I'm wearing a condom. Like, no, sir. Not like, I will have to fake it or we'll just have to call. Things to do. What do you think? Who do you think?

I've had this debate many times before who think it's worse condom sex is worse for the guy or the girl probably the guy but i don't know what it is like to be i guess we can't really feels like you know so i've never been the guy but i would imagine it probably feels way better to be in like a pussy it's like crazy difference yeah yeah i would imagine it is but it's a big difference for girls too i mean it's like i guess we can't really tell. Yeah, right, right, right. There are certainly people we could ask.

Who? I don't know. People who have transitioned. Someone knows. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. But do they? But do they?

Seriously. There's someone who's had it I really don't it feels like to have a pussy there are for sure people out there

who have had a dick and wore a condom on it and fucked and then that also had a pussy and got fucked with a condom

those people exist yeah they can give us an answer I don't know if we know any of them but they're out there

we'll find one yeah they're out there they're talking about like mold or fox or aliens the truth is out there yeah

we will believe them how long you said how long did the special take you like how long were you working the material

and all that oh a year yeah that's probably why it's a little undercooked I don't think it is

I didn't think that at all I think again I think that you're very good like comedian like I think thank you I also I haven't watched that at all. I think that you're a very good comedian.

Thank you. I also haven't watched a lot of – Female comics. I used to watch so much stand-up. And then I just – I don't know. I've just been watching more movies recently. So I haven't watched stand-up in a while. Well, there was a moment of saturation. I'm with you there.

Yeah. So the first special I watched in a while where I was like, that was fucking great. But I do think we lost our way a little bit on some specials. And some people do crowd work and some people do storytelling. And I mean, I'm talking here from a position of no skill at all. But, you know, you can tell when people are like, that's a joke. Like, oh, that was a good punchline. Funny misdirection.

And like, I get what you were doing and shit like that. So you also have like one of the greatest stories of all time. And I don't want to like talk about all your stuff but this has been out like the i think it went viral right the your dad oh the jeffrey dahmer story yeah yeah yeah if you want to um my dad came on the podcast he called it himself drunk he was drunk on my podcast i was like hey dad don't there's people actually listening so don't get hammered and i picked him up from the airport he's like what's up i was like oh no and i had to bring him beers in the car he's just slamming beers in la traffic i'm like dad yo he might be the star yeah you might you might gotta you gotta

account for him put him on he'll be the fucking i so i'm going right after new york i'm going to canada with him on a fishing trip we do like a backcountry fishing trip every year and i'm gonna tape the whole thing because I'm like, I feel like this man needs like a moment. He's so funny. But yeah, no, he did.

He knocked Dahmer out like a couple weeks before Dahmer got caught, which is crazy. It could have, you know, it could have led to his arrest if you think about it.

Like Dahmer might have been like, he's clearly. No, I do not think your dad was ever going to get killed and raped by Jeffrey Dahmer. No. Even if he didn't knock him out, I don't think that was going to be the one that he took down. No.

No. I think he was really shooting. You know what I mean? He's like, I've got 18 or whatever, 17 dead bodies in my fucking apartment. Yeah, that was a heat check. Let me try this buff fucking jacked farm guy. And then he got, yeah got his glasses knocked off. That's at all time.

Yeah. I mean, that's the best party story. Two truths and a lie. Whatever you want to call it. I know. It's funny. I told it on the Sickler podcast. And I said, because it was the night of my dad's best friend's wedding.

And then when I told it, here's the thing about me. I still don't realize people are listening to me. I do this thing where I'm like, yap, yap, yap. And people are like, yap. You're saying that like it's a bad thing are we gonna fight the career i'm a yap i'm here yapping um but i said like the best friends first and last name because i'm not thinking and he called me he's like are you talking about me on a podcast i'm like yeah is that cool he's like people in my office are like so excited they're listening

to this so it's like funny but like yeah he he knocked dommer out which is as good a knockout as you can possibly have yeah like yeah like there's no one out there that would be like oh you're an asshole yeah everyone alive at least has some group that would be like i was kind of fucked up dommer is like the one yeah you just knock him out well there's probably like some hot girls or some girls who think he's hot being like that was rude those dom or obsession those girls on on field being like I like fucking serial killers

yeah the um did your did your parents get divorced yeah when I was five when you were five okay

I was always not always but curious like if it why I'm a comic no just like if your dad was like I don't know

I don't love all the jokes about your mom. Oh, no, no, no. He probably loves them. He doesn't like my comedy period. Right, right. So he doesn't watch. I can see that being tough.

He's like, this isn't for me. He's like, if I wasn't your dad, I would think it's funny. I think that's weird when parents love their kids' comedy. It's weird. Where my parents are embarrassed of everything I do. Totally. Like they should be. They should be.

You should not enjoy this. Yeah. Yeah. No. Doing embarrassing shit. I told, and my parents were very, like they listened to me. Like they, and my dad fucks around a little bit, but he's a dad. He doesn't matter.

But my mom, I was like, do not read what I write. Do not listen to what I do. And she was like, cool. And that's been like that way for 15 years. Oh, that's really nice. Yeah. That's really nice. I do. And she was like, cool. And that's been that way for 15 years. Oh, that's really nice. It's also because she's like kind of illiterate on the internet. But even if she was, I think she would listen to it because it's just like this is going to be bad for all of us. My sister too, like everybody kind of gets it.

If I date you, like please don't. Because it's also like it's gonna be a problem like i'm not just like telling like this will eventually we will run into something that upsets you that i am only joking about but it will be an issue for us so just fucking don't yeah my you know curiosity killed the cat yeah my mom's family and i are like totally estranged at this point but the comedy was a big factor they're like that is fucking not great and i'm like if you don't like me there's you go to reddit.com and then there's a subgroup of people who also don't like me you can go talk to them i was like you have a support group on the internet i mean you're the the jokes about your

mom are are like incredible though like they're so good they are they are and it's like that's your joke to tell i know i'm like that's my. If I can't talk about it, who can? I'm like, it was horrible for my whole life. Let me at least make six jokes. Yes. Yes. My new tour is called. That's how I'm going to deal with it.

Yeah. My new tour is called My Mom's Dead, a comedy tour. What was the. Like no pun right there. My mom's dead. That's fucking great. Who was the child star who just wrote that book? Like, I'm glad my mom's dead that's fucking great who was the child star who just wrote that book

like I'm glad my mom's dead or something like that oh Jeanette McCurdy she's a fucking beast she like had such a resurgence she like quit acting and then she wrote that book and it blew up

and I think now she's doing a play or a one woman show or something about it and yeah it's great we love a dead mom we like to capitalize

on a dead mom well it's great when you can like be fully honest and they're dead. You can write the books. Well, they're dead. It's beautiful.

The thing is they're dead. They can't respond or anything. No. Because I was afraid my mom would kill me. My mom was obviously violent. She killed herself. She had a gun license and everything. She did.

She was shooting at a target. She was threatening people's lives. I was like, hey, guys, maybe go take the gun. And they're like, no. And then she died. I was like, I feel like take the gun and they're like no and then she died I was like I feel like we saw that one coming right

at least one of us did yeah where was I going oh I was afraid my mom would kill me so when I was when she was alive I couldn't

I tried to write jokes about her but there was just I couldn't do it because I was like she's gonna show up and slit my throat and drink my blood

like it's not the juice won't be the worth that she's dead in the pen the ink is full yeah got a whole new special let's go drink my blood like it's not the juice won't be the worth that she's dead in the pen the ink is full yeah got a whole new special

let's go um we were just talking about um oh I wanted to ask your opinion on are you following this whole um

it ends with us shit with Blake Lively no my friend just told me about it last night I don't really follow pop culture but what's the tea

tell me fill me in I was gonna say it kind of draws a night. I don't really follow pop culture, but what's the tea? Tell me, fill me in. I was going to say it kind of draws a parallel, but it doesn't really. Parent stuff. It's like this author wrote this book and it was very like Fifty Shades of Grey-ish, but it was about domestic violence. Which is hot.

Herein lies the problem. This is the problem. It's obviously not hot sorry I have to clarify that no no see that's that's why I'm anti

this fucking director because he wanted to put like a bunch of stuff about like domestic violence is bad right and like fucking

when you watch a movie about war they're not like oh it's war but the problem is the problem is is if they were making the war movie look cool. Yeah, they do.

They do. You mean Private Ryan? Yeah, no, that's me. It's all of the movies. You got to watch the war movies. They're awesome. They can make everything look cool. Have you seen slavery movies?

But then I watched the war movie. I go, that's fucking sick. And then I read the news. I go, maybe we shouldn't do that war yeah well yeah so they the book was very like this is like the beach read of the summer and then it like they were like people were like like you're never gonna see the twist coming right and then victims and they you know they were like there's no trigger warnings and there was none of that and then the movie came out

and now the same exact thing is happening again with like and Blake Lively is promoting it as like go grab go grab your dress your floral

because the the character in the book is a fucking flower girl because girls that wear florals get beat and the director who's also the star

is like all of his interviews are like very serious like you know and i think somewhere in the middle i think i think they both look really i think they both and it's insulting to the viewer when you're like this is bad i know i'm watching the fucking movie like it's like like like the anti-hero thing i know i i think the problem though is like at least from the people who read the book they were and i guess the answer is just like put the book down but they were like this was portrayed as like a rom-com book and then like

i turned the page and it's like he beats the shit out of her and i didn't see that coming and it triggered me and upset me and i think you can have that like the way blake lively's marketing it if a domestic violence victim went and saw that and then that like happens they'd be like what the fuck i thought i was watching 50 shades of gray right and now i'm having like you know ptsd and all that and it's like i get that i do understand that yeah you market it as if you if you put a movie out and it's about dark stuff i don't know necessarily know if you have to put disclaimers all over the place but if you're out there being like she's acting like it's barbie she's like grab your

girlies at one point she said there's a interview she's acting like it's Barbie. She's like, grab your girlies. At one point she said, there's an interview of her going like, we just made this emotional movie and it was fun and it was so funny. And I was like, I don't think it was. Stop that emotion. Don't say that shit. Yeah, stop that emotion.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that I can understand. Nowadays you probably have to be safe and put the hotline and all that stuff. Again, if you don't want to do that, but I don't think you can go out there and market it as like it's Barbie. Right, right, right.

And then people are like, oh, shit. That's a little bit of a misstep. But honestly, Blake Lively needs a misstep. I don't think she's ever had one. Well, I think this is the one, though. They're getting on her. Oh, really? They're getting on her, yeah.

See, this is why I got brought up yesterday because I was like – I was asked if I could have anyone's life, who would it be? And I said Blake Lively because I'm like, she just, it just looks so cool. Like she's made all these great, all this great movie and TV and she's beautiful and she's in this happy marriage and she has these kids. She lives in upstate. I'm like,

it's all nice. And she's like, did you hear what's going on right now? Like literally, you picked like the only time in human history to say this. She's like, if you could drop into anyone else,

who would it be? And I said that, she's like, well, not today. Well, now it's like a full blown PR thing because like some interviewer from like sweden put out an interview from years ago where like she was just being a bitch this woman like the interviewer's just like asking like pretty

regular questions and and blake lavish is kind of being like a standoffish asshole but that that's what we were talking about a little bit earlier like Like, that's why I think I'm finding it hard to quit Blake. Because everyone who's against her is such a fucking pussy. Like, the person headlined this YouTube video, why I quit my job because of Blake. Yeah, that was ridiculous. Oh, because you had a mediocre interview? Right. Yeah.

I would have quit 10 years ago. I think the thing, too, is, like, this is really highlighting the unrealistic expectation of celebrities to not be people like right we're people and we fuck up and not we me and blake like they're like all you do is fuck up celebrities are people and they fuck up and they're human and like they make fucking mistakes so it's like allow her to be human and like let her learn and grow and then move the fuck on there was another one that was like the jackie showed us earlier was a clip i guess people don't like her attitude and it's not great her but it's like it's a very unfair question like someone's asking her like how do domestic violence victims or or people who relate to this movie i think he's a little

more vague about it people who relate to this movie like when they stop you in the street how can they talk to you about this and she's like uh we can share my location like no fucking shit blake doesn't want to like i don't know call the police call yeah there are hot but i totally agree with that that was a weird question it was like people are going to want to talk to you about this right and when they do how should they that's fucking strange she was like yeah you what do you want my number you want my fucking we can share astrology signs i get what she was doing there but like you can't do these movies those questions are going to be asked to you if you do a movie about domestic violence like people are gonna be like asking that shit and you probably should just be like uh more aware like like i

know you're thinking that but just be be like, yeah, I would tell them to go to the fucking hotline. But don't just be a dick about it. Is it an actor's responsibility to take on what that role, that's the thing. Newsflash, Blake Lively,

Justin Baldoni, the author, none of them really give a fuck about you. They're all trying to make a buck. They're all trying to make their movie. The author is the real problem. The author made none of them really give a fuck about you. They're all trying to make a buck. They're all trying to make their movie. The author is the real problem. The author made a coloring book. She made nail kits with like themed about the book.

It's like you are the one. It all goes back to her. And then these people are making a movie off of your like fluff piece about domestic violence. So if she's doing it. You know what works though? I'm going to see this fucking movie tonight. I'm sure it's going to be massive. Jackie was saying that there was a clip,

I guess from set when, was it Pav saying this? When Justin Baldoni, I guess there's a scene where he's supposed to pick up Blake Lively. Yeah. This is, this is where, this is what,

this is why Blake Lively hates Justin Baldoni. And then he asked his trainer if that's okay for his lower back. He asked how much Blake Lively weighs. I have an injured back right now, and I... So you're on his side? I can't even pick up my dog food. But as a male actor asking, hey, so how much does my co-star weigh?

Will I be able to lift her? She's going to hate you for life. Isn't there like a line in the movie too about how he's like jacked he is jacked like I don't know he can probably pick up

Blake Lively probably not a big deal and I don't know why you said that cause a huge scene like guys we gotta pause how much does this bitch weigh

is this can I pick up this pig she does have that fat ass she got a dong she's been hiding that dog for a little while that's fucking crazy. That is crazy though.

Yeah. This will be, I think, her first taste of not being, you know, the absolutely most beloved, you know, person in the world. But she can call Tay-Tay, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If there's one person who can figure it out.

Yeah. How's the podcast going? Good. How are your bosses? Hey. How are your bosses? Hey now. Perfect. Perfect week.

We've had some drama with them. I was just texting with Alex the other day. Actually, just one text exchange. What's going on with that? I don't know what. I DM'd you. What's a troll farm? Yeah, you don't answer.

It's okay. Yeah, you don't answer. Quick version is this dude who runs a troll farm, meaning I will send hundreds of people after you posted on his story. Alex Bennett owes me two thousand dollars. And then one of our trolls who works here was like, you know, scouring Reddit looking for gossip, found that and DM him and started asking, what's the deal with that. And the rumor was that he said, yes, Alex Bennett paid me for my services and that he – that she sent people after – I guess it was worded as like someone from KFC Radio. But why? Well, that was the first thing.

It was the first thing. People just assumed it was me. And then I was like, that's crazy because I was the one who had their back. And then we started talking to this, our troll started talking to this troll guy. And he was like, I think he's lying. I think he's just talking bullshit or trying to stir up drama and promotion for his job. And then he like doubled down on it and said like, no, no, no, it was true. And that it was actually going after Jackie. what'd you do made the clips yeah she was the one who made the clips so i think all of this

is probably i don't know what it is i think it sounds like a nothing sandwich a little bit but like it sucks to have controls coming after you i know for a fact it wasn't alex because she's just in baby land you know what i mean she's just like kind of of doing her own thing in Austin and working on the company and getting ready for the baby. It's like almost here. How's it going? It's good. The podcast is really fun.

I love working with Brittany. And yeah, it's fun. I caught her at the special. Huh? I was like. It's funny. I was like, oh, I know that person. Yeah.

Yeah. She was there. And then like Meghan Trainor was sitting in the front row. No way. Meghan Trainor. Shout out Nantucket Mass. What? Shout out Nantucket Mass what? shout out Nantucket Mass

oh yeah yeah yeah that's where they're from she was and people are just like commenting they're like is that Meghan Trainor

is that there's like also one of my friends is that girl who did the bling ring do you remember that whole thing so she was there

there's a cutaway of her she was the girl who robbed Orlando Bloom she was the one who did it? oh shit the fact that you're friends with the bling ring is like

i almost could have guessed it you were in it i imagine that's hilarious that girl like did she get in trouble oh yeah and then but now she's well yeah she's not been sober for 13 years yeah she went to jail a few times. But yeah, she did. Did they also, did they rob? Was that them? Yeah, it was a whole slew. But they were just fucking or they were also just robbing celebrities? Like Paris Hilton and like there was a few other people that got. Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green.

Was that one? Yes. No, I know Brian Austin Green was one. I don't know if Megan Fox was there, but we had Brian Austin Green on one time. But he was on the bling ring or was he just getting robbed? Yeah, no, it was the bling ring. Because that was like 14 years ago. Yeah, yeah. Okay, and it was him. But we had Brian Austin Green on one time. But he was on the bling ring or was he just getting robbed? Yeah, no, that was the bling ring. Because that was, like, 14 years ago. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, and it was him. I didn't even know he was. Yeah, he didn't notice for, like, months. He was like. I'm trying to be that rich. I just aspire. The only way it came up was somebody tried to pawn it. And, like, I guess Rolexes are so rare and they're, like, numbered a certain way.

And it, like, came up on, like, you know way. And it like came up on, you know, the Rolex like registry that like, this is, this belongs to Brian Austin green. And he went and he was like, Oh yeah, I'm missing that. And like five others.

And I was like, God damn it. Damn it. Even Brian Austin green has like, $2 million worth of watches. Speaking of Rolexes, you guys, the last time I came on this podcast and said,

I wanted to just have Drake buy me a Rolex and blow my back out. The way your fans came for me. And we're like, you're not even worth a Timex, bitch. I was like, honestly impressed. You have some of the most gnarly fans, but they're funny. At least they're funny. They are terrible. I mean, they're the worst to me. But that is actually how I met Alex.

This is crazy. So one of the guys that DM'd me was like, I can the worst to me. But that is actually how I met Alex. This is crazy. So one of the guys that DM'd me was like, I can get you a Rolex. And I was like, okay. And then we started talking and he was like a little aggressive. And I was like, you're not for me. And I already have a Rolex. Like I was joking. And then randomly he hit me up and he's like, I know this girl who might be starting a podcast network.

I'll like connect you. And that's how I met Alex. Really? And Alex and I like flew to Paris and fucking had fucking had a great time yeah you girls were just bebopping around europe together and that was kind of like right after everything went down with barcelona i don't think i knew how much drama was going on you fucking traitor i see if i would have known no i'm just kidding no but she's great you know she's she's ambitious and she had a lot of really good ideas so i just got on board.

Why not? And you're just. You didn't fucking hire me. So. I don't have that. I don't have that power. I just do. I just do this little world and that's it, man.

So what else? What else we got going? Anything else? I mean, you were. I feel like you were in Paris. And then I feel like every time I checked your Instagram, you were all over the. Yeah, I've done a lot of traveling this year. I was in Mallorca for a writer's retreat. And then I did Paris. And then I did. every time I checked your Instagram, you were all over the world. Yeah, I've done a lot of traveling this year. I was in Mallorca for a writer's retreat and then I did Paris and then I did San Sebastian.

Those are a fucking joke that is. It was such a joke. You just hung out and banged people and drank and ate. I wish, I wish. I didn't. I had really bad jet lag. I was at a legitimate writer's retreat in the beautiful countryside of Mallorca.

Everyone's foreign and actually working and i'm just sitting there like drinking espressos and wondering why i'm jet lagged wait i thought okay so maybe i'm gonna give you credit i think last time we were in la i was like i'm jet lagged and i thought you were making fun of me but i think maybe i probably was i know you were yeah yeah because you were like you said something like like yeah over 30 jet logs i forget what you said but i took it as making fun of me oh no no i was serious jet lag kicks my ass like every once in a while i hack it and i'm like i'm a genius like i'm the queen of the universe but even here coming here like yesterday i was up till 3 a.m i'm like i need to go to bed i don't know why i can't figure out

la i think europe's easy, just take a red eye. You're fine. Yeah, whatever. It's your nighttime. They take like a 10 p.m. flight because then you get there at noon and you're fucking golden. You can give a half day. Yeah. But I can't figure out getting back from LA.

That fucking kills me. But it's only three hours, right? But it's like – it feels like a lot. Yeah. Because it fucked me up last night when i was awake at you you too you two are children children i'm a little tired i'm not tired don't have kids so we're like our sleep is slightly off you guys are asking that's why is paris hilton up here well we were pulling up pictures before

about how her pussy is out with her pants oh okay but we didn't get it yeah we just kind of left it on Google that was Jackie Googling that's where she stopped that's Jackie being on it Paris Hilton the one night in Paris

when that came out was one of the more disappointing moments I know but it was I mean that was huge I didn't realize how much paris hilton is you know obviously has the name but how much she got cut out of her family's fortune and everything like she's pretty much man uh self-made because her her grandfather or her great-grandfather one of the two was like so horrified by her that she got completely cut out of the family fortune and even the dad got cut out

so like the grandfather who died conrad i think hilton was so gangster he was like none of you would get anything and the dad went to court and was like this is fucking bullshit and he ended up getting they like settled for him but it was like four million bucks and like 97 million or whatever went to like charity if she got nothing it can't yeah i mean thank god i don't have a fortune to get cut out of but she apparently like her her it's just very curated way more than people realize like just the whole i mean she basically invented being an influencer at the time she was called the socialite but like everything was very calculated and she kind of leaned into that character and then she launched like eight different businesses and now she's worth like 300 million but it has nothing

to do with the hilton uh hotel fortune the the like uh what do you call it like trust and and like giving money to your kids i'll never understand that like the the i read a quote about it recently. It was, I forget who it was from, but like a billionaire who was like, I'm not giving my money to my kids. Like they got to row their own boats.

And I get it back in the day when you're fucking dying at 50 and your kids are 20. Like when you die now, your kids are going to be 60 years old. What the fuck? Like, like they're going to have to have row their own boat their whole fucking life like you're not giving money to little children you're yeah they're old motherfuckers yeah i think when you know you have money coming you're lazier yeah you know like i mean it's

a fine line though it's like like i have kids now and i and i spoil the shit out of them because what the fuck else is the point of making this money? You know what I mean? And then – but I'm like always – I mean I don't know. They're still so young so we'll find out. But I'm always very like if I give them something, I'm very like – it's like you're very lucky that I'm doing this. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's helpful.

Like I'll hammer it over their head with it but like we'll see. But I also am like i'm not gonna be one of these people who's like you don't get any of my money but like if they didn't row their own boat if they didn't fucking create their own you would know it by you you're a bad parent oh yeah yeah you've already failed yes like it's on you as a living person yeah on you as a dead totally totally i mean like i i grew up my parents were not rich but like you know we got whatever we wanted, basically. And they just, I think, did a good job of, like, explaining life to us so we weren't assholes, you know?

I don't think. You don't consider yourself an asshole? Touché. Look how we turned out. We're fine. Fucking dickhead. I think I read once like anyone who says like, look how we turned out.

We're fine. It's definitively not fine. They say from the psych ward. And you're good with Brittany, huh? You guys, you guys linked up like pretty much like for like, you didn't know each other prior.

No, we did. We did. We were friends. Yeah. Yeah. We were friends for about a year before. Okay.

That's what I mean. Like it was not like a lifelong thing. No, no, no We did. We were friends. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were friends for about a year before. Okay, that's what I mean. It was not like a lifelong thing. No, no, no. No, but she's great. Like she, you know, I'm a little more low energy

but I overshare and then she's high energy and she really says nothing. I feel like sometimes she's like, holy shit girl. 100%. She's a lot more conservative

like with her beliefs than I am. So you horrify her. I think I scare her but in a good way. Yeah, way, you know, in a way that's like kind of fun and she's entertained by it. But yeah, we couldn't be more different. Like we've lived very different lives and she has very different views on things. So I think it's like a really healthy balance where like, you know, she has a completely

different perspective than me and her life is also a lot more private because she's married to Tommy. She ain't yapping. I know. But like also there also a lot more private because she's married to Tommy. She ain't yapping. I know, but like, also there's a lot of pressure on me to yap. Yeah, you gotta yap, I know. Someone's gotta do the yapping. I'm out here doing field research.

I'm not trying to actually even date. Like, I don't even want to fuck these guys up. You know she's got the ability to yap if she wanted to. You know their stories. She's just not to yap. I think she's been a cameo on this podcast, hasn't she't she did she i thought she poked her head in when we interviewed tom we interviewed tommy lee on zoom oh i feel like she might have i was gonna say she didn't come to new york because she doesn't travel she doesn't like really she likes staying home she's

like very much a homebody yeah i mean tommy was letting it rip obviously but i mean not he's sometimes if he was letting it rip that's's great. Sometimes he's a little less, he's a little more reserved also. No, I feel like he was telling some stories. Yeah. He was telling some stories. He might have been drinking at the time.

Oh, that's, yeah. He said, he said, I'm sober. Yeah. But he was drinking a pint of vodka.

And he was like, well, like alcohol doesn't count. I was like, that's so Tommy Lee. That's so funny. So the first time I went over to their house ever, I,

you know, I'm sober and i went over and she's like do you want something to drink and i was like sure and she's like tommy drinks these cbd drinks all day and i was like oh i'll have one as long as there's no thc in it and so she like puts it in a glass and pours it and i drink it and like 30 minutes later i'm super and i have to say something because i can't hide the fact i'm high so i was like hey like i'm not trying to like rat on tommy but these definitely have thc in them and she's like what do you mean she's like he's been drinking these like six a day you were yapping there you go she's like no listen so then she's like

come here and she like confronts him about it and um and she's like there's THC in these drinks and he's like babe I used to shoot heroin and I was like he's got a point THC is not putting a dent in this hole he's got a point yeah yes like totally

that is so funny I think in I think it's the Motley Crue movie maybe it's the book I think they said they used to shoot Jack Daniels

yeah yeah yeah so I think when he was opening for Ozzy Osbourne I think that's when used to shoot Jack Daniels yeah yeah yeah so I think when he was opening for Ozzy Osbourne I think that's when that happened that's just crazy just drink it

he was the one who said yeah I think that's one of those things where it's like there's already a way to do this and you don't need to

I mean that's like I don't know if you guys remember this was back when I was maybe in college like vodka tampons were a thing like they were putting tampons of vodka in them and I never did it but my stepmom did it and I was maybe in college like vodka tampons were a thing like putting tampons of vodka in them

and I never did it but my stepmom did it and I was like lady you're already dry enough like you don't need you don't need rubbing alcohol in your pussy and also it's like the amount you get is like you can just drink it like one ounce shot

it'll get there I had buddies in college and like a little after college who are big into boofing coke what's that like you yeah i did it once but like yeah i know that who blew it i don't even think i know it would just be like you stick your finger in the in the bag and then you fucking put it up that's disgusting and then there's fingers going in the bag once you dip once yeah but then he dips and then you fucking put it up your ass. That's disgusting. And then there's five whole fingers going in the bag. No, you dip once. You dip once. Yeah, but then he dips and then you dip.

You think people doing cocaine do it once? No, no, no. I think I'm good. So the time I did, I can only speak to this one situation. It was like everyone went like that. One time. And you fucking did that.

And nobody went back in. No. Again, I don't know. I don't think I did it right. I don't think I... That's the boof bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think I got like... I think I just like I... That's the boof bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think I got like...

I think I just like... I think I basically just rubbed coke on my skin. Well, it's also... I think other people just fucking hammered it up. Some guy... What are you doing doing coke? Got his fist in his ass. Why are you bouncing on it?

We're trying to get high. You're trying to calm, dude. What's going on? He finds his prostate for the first time. He's like, what is this? You guys all just came too, right? He's like, Ben, I love Coke. What a Coke ring that was.

He's like, let's do it again. I don't even know if it's a thing. Why is your dick hard, dude? I'm doing all right. I only learned that word from them I imagine that's like the I imagine it's a thing Maybe everyone just tricked me and stabbed my finger in my own ass

Yeah everyone else was faking it Look at that pervert It's the ultimate give me my money prank I hate that so much Can I say how much I hate that? Did it get done to you? No I just think it's dumb. Yeah.

It is, but it is dumb. And it's hurting people's feelings. I don't want to see dangerous elbows feeling sorry. There was a women's, I think it was the women's national basketball team.

The girl was like crushed. It was like, what did I do? Yeah, see, it's fucked up. It's like bullying. up yeah but like it's fun to make people feel small all right well i'm glad things are going good the special is great specials out um on youtube the podcast is is killer she's yapping folks i'm yapping you're saying that like it's

a bad time every time you say no it makes for a great fucking podcast it does not make great to be your ex spilling the tea um yeah no i'm having guys like before they meet up being like can this stay between us and i'm like yeah yeah totally well it really is it's like it's like you have like lord of the ring type power it's like we'll see you know what i mean you you decide whether there's stays between us or not. Depending on how you treat me. Yeah, exactly. It is an interesting thing,

like a repellent, I guess, maybe. Where like- A deterrent? A deterrent. Where like I've always thought, like I've never thought about it when I'm dating someone. Like, yeah, I'm probably gonna talk about you.

I don't name as much, but like, yeah, I'm probably going to talk about you. I don't name as much. But like, yeah, I'm probably going to tell stories that happened in my life. But then one time I went on one date with a girl who had a blog. And I just like looked at it afterwards. And it was just like all about her ex. And I was like, yeah, it's probably going to work. But like she was – it was – I don't know. I guess it was just a shoes on the other foot thing.

Or maybe it was like I tell stories. I think I'm I guess it was just the shoes on the other foot thing or maybe it was like I tell stories I think I'm at least like being kind of funny about it where hers were just like he's an asshole I was like oh alright

see I'm being funny but it still doesn't matter like I gave a guy when I was in Paris nobody cares nobody thinks it's funny the guys who aren't in my life think it's funny

but nobody else when I was in Paris I was like at the Soho house and I saw this guy and I was like he's so hot but i didn't want to like go up to him so i gave the server my like instagram to give to him which was afterwards i like he didn't reach out and i was like oh he was like making eye contact with me he was so hot like what happened and i'm like it's my fucking instagram but and then i told myself you gave him your instagram like your phone number, you dumb bitch?

I like convinced myself that Parisians didn't have Instagram. I was like, I don't think people in Paris even have Instagram. They're just like really private people. This whole story. And then the next day I went back to the restaurant

because I was staying at the Soho house and the server was like, oh my God, did he hit you up? And I was like, no, I was like, he must not have been interested. And he's like, he had your Instagram pulled up. Oh? And I was like, no, I was like, he must like not been interested, not, not have been interested.

And he's like, he had your Instagram pulled up. He was showing everyone at his table. He was like, they were looking at it for a while. And I was like, that's worse. Yeah.

That's way worse. I was like, I wish Parisians didn't have Instagram. You know how the European Union is with meta. They're working stuff out in court. It's got like 20 million followers. Most active guy on the page alright well good stuff

we always love when you come through thank you thank you for having me thank you so much bye guys