KFC Radio - Bruins & Islanders Fans Go to War at Borrelli's ft Carly Aquilino

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

Subscribe, rate, share, and leave a review! -Feits recalls the chaos of watching the Bruins/Islanders games at Borrelli's with Frankie, Mr Borrelli, Marina, and Grinnell -(21:20) KFC and Feits react to the finale of Mare of Easttown -(44:18) Targeted Ads and....other stuff because of metadata -(54:23) Top 5 Worst/Most Memorable Sports Behavior -(01:06:20) Feits Tells a Quick story about convincing his friend of a lie before returning to top 5s -(01:18:18) Voicemails include: Having a wedding the same weekend as your girlfriend, embarrassing dreams, simping to get out of work -(01:41:51) Carly Aquilino returns to the show! We talk about the allegations against Ellie Kemper that claim she's in the KKK, how creepy little girls and old women are, the best order you could get at a movie theatre, getting a role in King of Staten Island, and much more. Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @FeitsBarstool @CarlyAquilino @nickhammy5 @JNics415 Subscribe to watch on youtube: barstool.link/KFCRADIOYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you the greatest show of all time. But as far as letting your friends just go on believing something, John's can't be beat. You you can tie john's you can't beat it It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. It's Clancy and Feidelberg. I'm sitting alongside one of the big stars of the weekend.

I don't know about that. You certainly don't sound it right now, though. What's wrong? I ate Shake Shack for lunch. I don't know if I had a poop or puke. What'd you have? Everything. Burgers, fries.

Did you have a shake? Burgers, fries, chicken sandwich. Oh, you went with the second sandwich? Cheese fries. Cheese fries! Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't feel good.

We're going to get it going. Yeah. Did, uh... Did some streams. It was an entertaining weekend. It was quite a weekend. between the mayor of east town finale and the barellis game 2 live stream um you know everyone's complaining about the weather for memorial day weekend and really uh it was i loved it because it was all indoors and it was

like let's just catch up on tv and entertainment and and and watch on the internet. I mean, your stream. I'm checking right now. Yeah, I have about 300,000 viewers. I was going to say, that had to be the biggest stream we've done in a while. After the first stream, we were getting texts like, hey, these are doing crazy numbers. And then this one, I beat that one by like 100,000 viewers. But what's good is you guys, it's so natural.

It wasn't like, oh, game two, hey guys, let's lean into it. It was like, this is just real, the real deal. I feel so far to say is that we ourselves were more low-key game two than game one. Like, I mean,

I guess it depends on who you're talking about. The, I think, I don't know, Frankie was losing his mind at some points. You haven't won the cup

since you've been born. 2011 we won it. You were celebrating with the Blues two years ago. You piece of shit. And it was a great time. This guy's stuck. And it was a great time. And you respect this guy.

I don't respect you. Get the fuck out of here. Whoever's going to come, this guy parties with. What are you, fucking crazy? Islanders are going to party. I don't respect this guy. He's freaking out. I don't respect this guy. Clip it.

There was less assaults. Yeah. What is going on? Personal assaults. Okay. The first electric chair ever was in the year 2016. And since then, and usually it was was at first it was just the team you know the Mets were playing and then when the stars align you obviously have both teams playing

with people represented which is unfortunate that this will be the last of the playoffs no matter what happens this is the last barstool well yeah we've gotten so big there was a point where I mean I remember in the NBA and the NHL one year we We had like 10 different people in, you know. But in the beginning, there wasn't any touching. There's so much touching now. Bro, I have bruises. I have nail marks here. Every time I turn around,

oh yeah, Grinnelly was doing the karate chop on Frankie's back all the time. The hat thing. The hat thing. You touch another man's hat. Imagine if that was Gaz. Oh, my God. Gaz would be stabbing people. But then Frankie coming back with the fucking.

The big grab. He's like pulling his hair. I mean, you know, it's madness. Borelli's was an absolute madhouse. You know, the worst part about it is, and it's not like a worst part. I have a lot of fun there but the less than ideal part about it is how tiring it gets because it it gets especially hockey it gets just definitively oppressive like you just have people on everyone over you like get closer and it's just like and

like that zaps your energy and you're like like by the way i am in i am in significant pain i swear to god i am more exhausted than the players themselves. Sure, they're in better shape than I am, but I am more tired after those games than the players are. It's like you're in Cameron Indoor. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. People are on top of you. We used to play, like in high school hockey, we played this rink that was like, the stands were designed that the fans could basically just reach over.

If you were along the boards, you'd be like, hitchy in the head. Yeah, you're the athlete and these that the fans could basically just reach over. If you were along the board, you'd be hitchy in the head. You're the athlete, and these are the fans. They would get so loud that it would tire you out, and that's kind of what this does there. You're playing the heel. Are you comfortable in that role? I wouldn't say I'm comfortable in the heel role.

Because you've got to be a dick to Frankie Borelli Sr. I was going to try. I haven't done that, and I'm not going to do that. I can't. I can't do that. I saw afterwards some handshakes went around. I think it was at game one when you won. It was like a...

It was. It was actually. I will say this for the Borellis specifically and mostly the Islanders fans as a whole. Actually, I'll give it to all of them. I'll give it to all of them. It is... I think there are two great fan bases who are rowdy and understand what it's about, but can also say, look, we're going to go to war for three hours. Yeah.

Because before the game. It feels like an MMA fight when they beat the shit out of each other and they'll get respect. Yeah. Again, particularly with the Borelli's junior and senior with Lil Frankie, which is what they call him I learned Lil Frankie I dropped that on the stream during game one and Frankie was like

Oh what the fuck is that I was like listen here Lil Frankie this is how it goes If you're gonna name your kid a junior or second or third you can't then hit him with the Lil I haven't heard Mr. Brella called but it's what Brella's employees call him If you're going to name your kid a junior, second, or third, you can't then hit them with the Lil. I haven't heard Mr. Brella called, but it's what Brella's employees call him.

Like Laredo calls him Lil Frankie? I haven't heard Laredo speak to him, but some of the waitresses, some of the bartenders. Like, oh yeah, Lil Frankie will grab that for you. Oh no. So yeah, we've been hitting Lil Frankie with the Lil Frankies. That? Let me finish. I mean, I think the biggest moment as a fan, like I was texting Trent and I was like, things are getting aggressive, right? And he goes, yeah, it's getting a little weird. And then he was like, who throws a hat?

And I hadn't seen that one yet. So I thought it was already weird. And then I saw Grinelli pop the hat off. I don't seen that one yet, so I thought it was already weird. And then I saw Grinnelli pop the hat off. I don't know why, but that's a move that I feel like is like, even in the crowd, people went, whoa, not cool, dude, whoa. And I don't know why that is. What's like, what are the top, what are the most subtle, disrespectful things you can do to a, like, yeah, spit in your face.

Like you spit in someone's face. I think that is the most disrespectful thing you can do to a person without, like, harming them is spit on them. But what is, like, grabbing that hat, plucking that hat. It's all just head-based stuff. Yeah, if I touch your face. Even if you're not wearing a hat, like, just, like, ruffling your hair. Like, a pat on the head. Like the noogie situation with Dave and Nate.

Yeah, yeah. Remember that? Nate walked by and just went, like, just like, just give him a little noogie, and then Dave rubbed the skin off of his knuckles. I think if somebody like, you know, good game, but a little pat on the face. Yeah, I would say grabbing someone's face and face-fucking them is a bit extreme. But it's funny that— Even that, I didn't know that was coming.

I saw that. I was like, whoa! Yeah. Whoa! Well, that's what I mean. I think that in these moments— Yeah think i think i think that in these moments yeah that doesn't i think people think i'm celebrating goal here i'm not i'm going whoa yeah to frankie to ground fucking frankie there's you know drunk mind speaks a sober heart and

there's like a streaming mind speaks a sober heart it's like this is the real grinelli yeah this is what he does this is what he does you This is what he does, you fucking freak. The hat, the pat on the face, a little slap. If somebody slaps me, man, like, I know that you're supposed to just, like, girls are supposed to just be able to, like, slap you in the face. I will turn around and cold cock you. I don't care. I don't care what you're – I'm dating you.

You're mad at me. You slap me in the face, you're catching me. No touching. No fighting. It's physical abuse. Yes. No, no, no. Physical abuse. The fact that girls –

Casey tried to slap me the other day and she missed and I felt it was such a wind and then I realized that she spun herself around and I was like if you so it would have hit

it would have hurt if you had connected on that I might have had to was it like an angry slap it was like yeah not like angry angry but like

for like years of you being like making fun of me aggression building up yeah I mean what is that about? that girls just think they can slap people

you ever slapped somebody in the face Jackie? not a girl or a guy? we know you desperately want to fight with someone no I don't think I've ever um oh oh have you ever slapped a boy? I like

sometimes when I'm drunk I like Oh boy I don't know What? You just did that like 30 times in a row I'm sorry But sometimes my friends and I We'll get into slapping fights

That's totally different though Your friends are doing it to each other I've never like slapped No It's just crazy to me that you can be in a lover's quarrel and it's like, hmm. And the guy just has to eat it.

I've taken slaps. They're not fun. I would love to uppercut. Oh, okay. Oh, you can... Pick on someone your own size goes both ways. Yeah. You're a little person pick on little people because you start fucking picking on a big person they're liable to get angry i

would love to do like a bonk on top of the head like donk uh but yeah the live stream was unbelievable it moves now to boston uh gonna be at hurricane o'reReilly's, which is going to equally be as much of a zoo. But I really believe that the Borelli's stream, I think it was by far our greatest live stream ever. I'm sure there are people who want to have Dave in it or there were more important moments

than a game two and all that kind of shit. But the fact that it's Borelli's, the fact that it was just an Italian restaurant in the first place, and then it's a guy's family here that owns it, and Mr. Borelli, and the scene, the final goal being a breakaway where you could have that one second of silence beforehand. Maybe that should be the top five. What? Like sports, like little sports things like that, like the second before that goal. I don't know how else we can extrapolate.

It could be more general than that. So it was the second before the eruption. The fact that it's supposed to be this family restaurant that turned into a fucking bar. There was a guy who was taking a naked shit at one point.

The naked shit is not totally uncommon. I know friends who do the naked shit. I don't see it a lot in public ever. I do not participate in the naked shit unless I'm about to get in the shower. Then I'm like, well, I'm just going to take my clothes off because I'm going to jump in the shower. You still clean up before you get in the shower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some people just go right from bowl to shower.

They're animals. That's crazy, too. But this was a dude who just – I left the bathroom and told Frank, I was like, I don't think the guy has clothes in there. Like, he was just lounging. His feet were hanging out from under it. Frankie said his feet were going like this. He was taking a shit, doing the finger thing. Which, by the way, I'm, like, doing it right now.

I can, like, kind of do it with my toes. Not really. No, I can't. If you can do it with all your individual toes, you're a fucking weirdo. The way Frankie described it, he's like, I walked in there to see him and he just went. It looks like alien-ish. Yeah, yeah. That's like you have hands for feet and feet for hands.

You just have paws all over. I'll tell you what. You still get some Nassau, Long Island trash. You know what I mean? There's still a chance that you get some of the animals in the in the building it is one of the things too though like on the stream like i i need to just stop bringing my phone on it because i get texts while i'm on the stream about things that i haven't noticed so like people were like i was getting texts multiple texts from barcelona employees being like you should fight that guy and i was like like, I don't even know who you're talking about. Which guy? There was chant guy. There was chair guy.

There was like the crowd had names. The fans had names for the people in the crowd from the stream. Oh, really? Frankie had to kick some people out. It was. But then once I realized people were like, oh, there's somebody you should fight. Then I started getting in my own head like, am I not being manly enough? Should I fight somebody?

I'm obviously not going to fight someone in Borelli's on a fucking Barstool livestream. But I was like, in my head, I was like, who the fuck? Who's the guy? So I'm intentionally not turning around. I get in my own head, because then even, what was it? Because it's so chaotic, and so

like, I don't know. It's all an absolute blur like last night we i mean we had a couple three like saturday night we drank last night you know it was pretty much it was a monday night but we you know we had a few beers but it was it was all a blur sans alcohol that's what's scary about the live streams is that it's um like kind of what i said too about like drunk mind sober heart like you you might say or do something that's like fuck i shouldn't have done that or like i was an asshole move and it's like i'm not i don't know just the heat of the moment got me i grabbed his head and i started

to fuck it or whatever yeah i'm actually the other way i'm wondering if i'm not being violent that sounded like mac so dennis uh should i be more violent like it was like because there was like when we yeah simple fist pumps ain't gonna cut anymore john the bar has been officially That sounded like Mac. Should I be more violent? Simple fist pumps ain't going to cut anymore, John. The bar has been officially fucking raised. When we made it a 3-2 game, it was still a 3-2 game with eight minutes left in the third.

You're down a goal still with eight minutes left in the game. You can't go crazy crazy. Did we not lose it enough? One more. You should just do what you do. Some people cry. Then I was sitting down, I was like, did we not lose it enough? Because I was like, all right, baby, one more. One more. Come on, we need one more. Well, but you get that. Because then it's not real. You just do what you do.

Right. You know? Some people cry. Some people scream. Some people. I think the only thing that gets weird is if, like, you win and you're just like, okay, cool. Like, good.

Right. That's when people are like, wait, what the fuck? Like, do you not care? But anything else in between. We've done that before. It's one of my all-time favorite video splices at Barcelona. It's the Yankees getting out of the divisional round. And it was us winning the World Series.

And it was just like, eh, babe. Nah. You're disgusting. But yeah, man. Grinelli throwing the hat. Frankie retaliating. Grinelli face fucking. Marina, here's what I want.

I want Frankie, by the end of this series, to deliver a stone cold stunder to Marina. I mean, he's got Grinnelli and Marina in one side, like on each side. I want him to just grab her and bam! And uppercut Grinnelli and just sit there in like a pool of Bruins blood. I said getting yelled at by Marina it's like getting yelled at by like Charmander where it's just little

but you can tell it can kind of be dangerous and you're like what the hell it's like oh shit okay he is he's a Frankie is a loose cannon. I texted him legitimately, and I said, I'm serious.

Don't punch Marina. You can punch Grinnell. You can fucking hit fights. But just remember, you don't want to punch a girl on live television. And I was semi-serious. I said, this is a semi-serious text. Yes, of course, I'm joking. But also, you lose your cool during these things, man.

You never fucking know. If there's an elimination, let's say it's an overtime, bang, sudden death, series over, and someone's in his face like that, who knows what Frankie's going to do? And I don't think a jury could convict. I think if he killed Grinnelli, I think a jury would be like, well, did you see what he did to his hat? I do think that we got to do something for Frankie for game three. And I mean that to benefit him. I mean, he's... I at least had Marina and Grinnell.

Yeah, I know. Even if you have Mr. Brelli. Mr. Brelli is the ultimate. It's not fair. I'm actually... I'm happy. I love Mr. Brelli. He's the man. I have a good time sitting next tolli is the ultimate. It's not fair. I'm happy. I love Mr. Borelli. He's the man.

I have a good time sitting next to him watching the game. I'm happy he's not going to be there because there was definitely that was making me throw off speed. I couldn't throw a fastball. And also, if you're in Boston and some guys are throwing gas and they're crossing the line, you almost then have to defend Mr. Borelli and you don't want to have to be against Brody's fans. And he was doing that.

Mr. Borelli was doing that for me last night, apparently. People told me he was pulling people off me and pushing people back to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we got to, you know, the Borellis are helping us out like that. It's like having your dad at the bachelor party. We talked about it.

Where it's like everyone's going to, you know, you're not going to throw your full speed. Right. It was, we got to have some kind of security. Rhea said to me, why aren't you on the stream? And I was like, you know, Frankie's like, I'm not really an Islanders fan. And I don't want to be like a poser. And Frankie's so diehard.

But I also do feel like, oh, my God, you're all alone. And also, there really is a difference between like as as as awesome of a scene as Borelli's was a Boston bar in the middle of the playoffs. Like, you're going to get some people rolling in who, you know, got nothing to live for. And he's been employed for a year and a half i'll stab this kid right now so i don't know how he's gonna do it but uh it was it's it's two of the best back i mean it was game one and the screen caps that i was putting out there were look like it was you know you guys had been at it for because i remember dave saying to yp um like over the course of seven games if these when these things go seven you get to really like know a fan base you know

so you come into a series like we don't give a fuck about the st louis blues and you walk out of it being like that was a gutter war and like they won and well like you'll always forever hate like a part of the blues you know feel that way about the royals it was it wasn't a good series but it's only five games but like i fucking hate the royals now um so like usually over time these things grow game one it was it was fast it was but you i mean it was build up though you were you were like i want i want the island yeah yeah i mean we knew we knew we were on a collision course we wanted each other yeah and then once it was like yeah the caps you know they're beating the caps it was we knew it was coming so it's game one, but with plenty of anticipation.

And if this does go seven. I don't think it's going to go seven. I still think it's Bruins in six. I said Bruins in five to start the series. That's obviously still in play. I think even, I think Tuca's health is going to be coming in too. They're just like far better, right? Not far better, but they're just like the more talented team.

Yes, they are definitely the more talented team. But the Islanders are almost like a less talented version of us. Does that make sense? They play a similar game. Despite the fact that both these games have been pretty high scoring, they both went over. But I was prepared for 2-1, 3-2 games. They've both been rather high.

And it's also like the guys who... Not that the Bruins themselves have been like a dynasty. They have the one cup, right? But you guys are the winners. Their last 10 years have been like the Patriots 10 years in between Super Bowls. Yeah, where it's like really good and they're always there. Yeah. But in general, you guys have so many championships to your name.

And then there's the Islanders who are like, you know, coming out of that dreadful era. And so it's like, it's a little bit David versus Goliath-ish in a way on and off the ice and I mean they don't have their captain their captain's done for the year yeah

like Anders Lee's not playing yeah there aren't many teams that can put together like a fucking well and then there's I feel like that's where Trotz is

oh my god the Maple Leafs man like I mean you lose their captain you're probably gonna lose the Islanders lost their captain a long time ago but I mean in general

the Leafs have like 20 straight years of either not making the playoffs or losing in the first round. And they've been awesome the last few years. I'm actually very upset that the Canadians stole that from us because that was our thing.

The Bruins would knock out the Maple Leafs every year in the first round. We did it like three years in a row or three times in a row. Absolutely brutal. It's going to be a long series, a lot of late nights. Going to need some Black Rifle coffee every morning to wake you up and get you back at it. Whether you are trying to gear up for a live stream, if you're just waking up for your 9 to 5, or if you are a frontline worker, you're a police officer, fireman, nurse, doctor, or out there on the front lines of war, Black Rifle coffee is for you it is it's tasty it's strong uh and it's all uh brewed and the company is run by a u.s veteran uh who makes sure that every all the all the proceeds that

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Get that coffee delivered right to your door and get that free shipping with BlackRifleCoffee.com slash KFC. Use code KFC. Use code KFC. The other entertaining part of the weekend was the mayor of East town finale. First of all, I'm woke with HBO. Yeah, I,

I, I think they break it on purpose, but I think it, I think it's stupid. I don't think, I don't, I don't think it works. I see. I, your tweet was the perfect example when when you said so hbo max was it was down at the start

of mayor of easttown and everyone's in a frenzy on twitter like i where uh is it broken just for me is it broken for you how can i watch it where can i watch it and you said i knew mayor of easttown was popular i didn't know it was crash the the app on Memorial Day weekend popular and I think it's like there it is, there's their promotion Mare of Easttown I think they stuck the landing and I think they had that moment and I think now more people are going to be like oh I gotta check this out, what's it about?

I thought the finale was fine I think that I would have enjoyed it more, I think they poisoned the tree with that I think I would have enjoyed it more if I didn't spend an hour. I got it working at about 10.50 going open HBO Max, close HBO Max. Yeah, that definitely sucks. Well, they definitely overdid it.

I watched it later. I actually wasn't able to watch it live. It was three cheat out of my mind. I watched later in the night, so I didn't really go through all that. But, yeah, I mean, you can't overdo it. I didn't know it was that bad. I thought it, like, got working after a little bit. Also, it's funny, if you have cable still, you were just chilling.

Like, whatever, man. And I actually have cable. I just couldn't find the channel. I don't know what, and I don't have a normal remote. For an hour, you kept fucking trying. I don't have a normal remote. So, like, I can't even, I can't put in numbers. I just have to scroll.

And I was, like, scrolling. I was, like, a thousand channels. And I was, like, fuck, to go back to HBO Max. Yeah. And then I was, even, I can't put in numbers. I just have to scroll. And I was like scrolling. I was like a thousand channels. And I was like, fuck, I'm going back to HBO Max. And then I was like, excuse me. And then I was like, all right, fuck, I'm just going to put on a TV show. Fuck this. And then I scroll Twitter. And it's like, wait, it's working again.

So I'm like, fuck this TV show. Back to HBO Max. And like, I did that for about an hour. That's too much. I mean, the night of, to ruin the finale like that, the night of is shitty. But I think the overall vibe of like people being like, did you hear it crash app and like i gotta i gotta see what this what the fuss is all about because it also happened with thrones i think it's happened a couple times now thrones might have been possible because you know 10 million people probably tuned in yeah i think 28 yeah i'm sure the final season

28 million yeah so um but the the finale uh uh what we were all waiting for is here um i mean i i it's what i predicted so i i'm okay with it i think it probably would have been um a little better if it just stayed with john like it stayed as an adult but i like having the the twist like if it was going to just be, they should have done less like alluding to it. You know what I mean? I think they really pointed towards John knowing they were going to have the twist that it was Ryan in their back pocket.

I think they should have just done less pointing at John and could have had him be the killer. I thought it was good. And I think that's the end of my sentence. Yeah. I thought it was good. I thought it was the best finale of a

murder thing. It was definitely missing something. Basically, everyone I talked to afterwards, in the immediate aftermath, I asked my girlfriend right away, I texted Marty, Casey, Cons,

everyone was like, pretty well done. Well, so I think that... I guess that's a nice uh, cons, like, everyone was like, pretty well done. Well, so I think that, which is like, I guess that's a nice thing. It's like, cause usually it's either a disaster.

Well, yeah, I think the bar now is like good is the way to do it. I think it was better than good. I thought it was really good. I think that there was too, there was too much bullshit, like too much,

just like stupid bullshit. Like what? Like, like Jess, I think is her name. Who's Jess? The, the girl with the picture. What was all the Who's Jess? The girl with the picture. What was all the book burning about?

The girl with the picture. Oh, oh. And then, like, her explanation was beyond idiotic. Like, the reason she stole all the journals and blew all the journals on fire is because Aaron didn't, Aaron would want everyone to not know about John. Yeah. Then why did you just bring the fucking picture here? I mean, I think she had, had like an attack of conscience too though

they didn't make that clear I thought that would be pretty evident that it was like a girl who was like I want to do what's right for my friend but it was like 12 hours it was like you burned the books, sun went down, you woke up you went to the police station yeah but I mean I think that's kind of how it would go

you don't think so? no I thought that was pretty poorly done a 13 year old girl would have like wouldn't be I thought Dylan's pretty poorly done. You think a 12-year-old girl would still have, or a 13-year-old girl would have, wouldn't be... I thought Dylan's storyline was a mess. We still don't understand why he put gun in her mouth. And then like... Yeah, but no, they did make that clear at one point.

Because I remember thinking that, but then I was like, oh, this makes sense where he was... And why was he participating in the burning? He didn't even know, he just thrown books in the fire. They definitely didn't do that well enough. And then he's a good guy who shows up with a bunch of fucking cash and he's trying to make amends and stuff. Didn't they say he wanted to burn the books

because he wanted to keep the kid? Yeah. He didn't want them to find out about John. He didn't know. Didn't he show up asking Laurie? I think that was the thing. He knew that he wasn't the dad, but he thought in asking laurie i think that was the thing like he had he knew that he wasn't the dad but he thought in the journals it would say who it was yeah he wanted to keep

the kid at that point so i think there was like i remember at one point being like oh right that that's why he would have gone so far but i i don't remember i don't recall it so i don't think it was well done enough in that sense but i remember being like oh that's why he was like don't fucking say anything anymore because of but i uh i think that the week to week comes back to bite you because that's when i think like a lot of people had either predicted it or had enough time to stew and ruminate and come up with their own prediction if you watch that just straight through i think you would have been like oh fuck i also don't understand why john was gonna kill billy john was gonna kill billy because billy billy had agreed to take the fall yeah but i i feel like that was i i think that was like kind of i don't think he believed it i think seeing him

be like fuck i don't i don't think he was like that was that was not if i if i would i think that's when he was like tell like i want to hear you say it if that was you and me, I'd be like, this motherfucker is not going to. He's not. No one's going to believe this. So I think it was like, good try. This is not going to last. We got to go up to the cab and take care of you. Because there was no way that that would have stuck on her negotiating.

Yeah. I mean, Lori and Winslet are fucking absolutely unbelievable. I also didn't really understand the, what was her name? Elliot? The woman who cheated. Who he cheated with first. Sandra. Sandra.

Might be Sandra Elliot. I never believed it was Sandra for one second. I don't know why Mare was so convinced it was. I don't know why she yelled at her at the restaurant. Once that was. She was like, fuck off. Why are you mad at this woman? Well, yeah.

I mean, she's probably just sticking her nose in other people's business. She shouldn't be. But I think it was kind of like, you're a fucking homewrecker. But to me, it was like, as soon as we knew that there was this incest thing going on, I knew it wasn't just a regular old affair. I knew it was Erin. Yeah. And the fucking detective should have been able to put that together, too, I thought.

I immediately was like, Lori just said it was Sandra. That's not real but may i believe that that didn't make any sense to me no and like i i will i will admit like there is some nitpicking going on but i think that was the best finale of a crime of a murder mystery like maybe i just i thought it lacked what are the good ones but i think that's only because we all talked about it. Maybe. If you just went from episode six to seven and it was Ryan, I don't think you would have – I think you would be singing a much different tune. Probably.

Yeah. But that's not how it happened. Right, but that's where I think that's the argument. We always say week to week is by far the best way. I think it ruins finales because that's what happened to True Detective. That's what happened here. That's why you're not into this one. I'm not not into it. It was fine.

I also just wanted it to be darker. I wanted it to be nefarious. It was accidental. Yeah. I wanted it to be like someone in town who's fucked up. I think it kind of all ties in, though, with the, like, that show really is not about, like, a murder as much as it's about, like, a town that is just fucking, like, ravaged, like, generation by generation.

The kids are fucked up. The parents are fucked up. For sure. But a whodunit is about murder. Yeah, but I mean, I don't know if I would call that a whodunit anymore. Oh, it's definitely a whodunit. It starts with a dead body. Whodunit.

Right. It starts with a dead body. Whodunit. Right, but I think that the reason why it's good, not just like a cheesy whodunit, is like it's much more about like when Mare finally goes up into the attic at the very end. I also saw somebody say – I thought that was a little over the top. Well, I mean, yeah, I guess so. I saw somebody saying – and it might actually be –

it might have been a stretch with – they were saying like attic and addict, like having like a corollary because there's like so much shit with the opioid epidemic and drugs there. But I thought it was weird. I think there's something to do with addicts in the sense of the women being held in an attic I think is really weird. It's like always the basement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Kevin's in the attic and then a very quick reference that was that Aaron used to suck Dylan's dick in the attic. That and then kevin's in the attic and then um a very quick reference that uh was that aaron used to suck dylan's dick in the in the attic that's where they would go up to sneak away from their parents that one doesn't really have much to it but the fact that there

was like addicts and all these like hiding people in the attic doesn't make any sense no you know when they had the kidnap right Katie Bailey and the other one. Even when the pipes were shaking, I for sure thought that was going up. Yeah. So I think that had to be like a conscious choice to tie into the attic with Kevin. But I think that ended up being so much more about like, you know, you see all these parents who are like the kidnapped girl's mom who was like so fucked up. Lori's life is completely fucking ruined. Mayor's life is an absolute wreck.

Why didn't John get out, by the way? I'm sure he must have got a reduced sentence. They just don't talk about it. He didn't kill anybody. Yeah, right. John should be coming home. Yeah, he didn't probably have a bit of a punishment for helping get rid of a body. But I feel like when he's like, well, you raise this baby.

It's like you're going to fucking raise this baby when you get out. Well, but at that point, he was still on the hook for murder. At that point, they hadn't found out it was Ryan. Right, right, right, right. So at that point, he was taking the fall for murder. But once they found out it was Ryan, I would imagine

John does maybe... I don't even know what the sentence is for... It's probably like an obstruction thing more than anything. I guess incest is probably illegal, right? Yeah, I forgot about that one. Yeah. But man, like Lori, when the nurse is like,

is this your son? She's like, I guess so. And then she sees his middle name is John. She's like, fuck that. Thought it was Dylan Jr. Son of a bitch. Motherfuckerer i mean that like was so so bleak and like mayor walking into the house like lip quivering kind of being like i gotta do this like my best friend she just like fucking walked straight in i mean that was as like i also think

wrenching one of the things that pissed me off, too, in the show, Mayor gets off really fucking easily for being a piece of shit. Like, planting drugs on an addict in recovery? That was tough. Like, you should go to jail for that. Yeah, that was like, the chief just being like, I'll look the other way on this one is pretty fucked up. I'm sure that happens a lot in the police, but that's fucked up. Yeah, that was her.

The woman trying to better her life, and you're trying to her back to fucking jail yeah just because she wants her child yeah fuck you mayor yeah but i also think that was like you know i i think uh what's her face comes to like the conclusion herself but i think if that woman takes drew like she can't raise that kid right i agree but i mean you can't fucking you can't't do that like i think it's not a fucking it's not like a you can never come back from this action but like for her to be like everyone like so proud of mayor like mayor's kind of a fucking scumbag no you know who like the worst of all zabel he popped down for like a week gets fucking killed and like nobody cares hey we solved the crime we got we got you know we got the girl back oh and by the way remember that guy who came for two weeks he's dead

crazy i mean there was no like deep ties to him there was no i'm sure they didn't have some big memorial it was just like and zabel got shot in the head it wasn't a quick enough draw fuck that guy and it also i mean it even turned out you you know, it was originally like, we're going to bring this guy because he's the best of the best. And we find out that wasn't. So he was like this like scrub who just gets fucking popped in the head. Thanks for showing up for 10 days, pal. You notice the cigarettes.

That's about it. That's all you brought to the table. I don't think, I mean, what's another, what's another like crime, murder type of mystery show that you think had a better finale? It's very slim-picking. I don't even really know. You'd have to give me shows. I can't think off the top of my head. I mean, it's a shame we never got a Mindhunter one, obviously.

But so, like, The Undoing, True Detective. Did you ever watch, like, The Killing or The Fall? Either of those? The Fall was... The Fall went too far. That's the one with Gillian Anderson. The Fall with season one was good. I don't know if that ever, like, really... Oh, Broadchurch. Broadchurch for sure.

Season one, Broadchurch. Broadchurch season one is so fucking good I can't really see yeah I guess I just really haven't seen most of these Flight Attendant I wouldn't really put I think I probably

I didn't like Flight Attendant at all I watched like one or two episodes and I never got it because it was like half comedy it was weird it was called like a dark comedy. I mean, there might have been scenes with less seriousness, but I wouldn't think there were many. It was literally called a dark comedy.

No, I know, but I don't think there I think that's a bad genre for them to put it in. I loved The Plot Attendant. I don't know if I'd say it was better than this, but I loved The Plot Attendant. I probably would have said Broadchurch was my favorite, but I think this is it now. Nah, Broadchurch is way better than this.

I don't think so. Dexter had a really bad ending. Dexter had a chance to be like... Dexter would have been the best one ever. If we're doing seasons, like season four Dexter, yes. Yeah, individual seasons. But as far as endings go, that one is... Now they're trying to save that, right? They, Dexter, yes. Yeah, individual seasons. But as far as like endings go, I mean, that, you know, that one is. Now they're trying to save that, right?

They're going to redo it. Yeah, they're going to redo that, which, I mean, I'll give it a whirl. And I think there's actually a shot for that because I do think that they probably were like, we got to redo this whole fucking thing. Yeah, dark, I wouldn't put on, you know, dark's an entirely different like genre in my mind. It's hard because these are all, like, multi-season.

Like, Luther was great, but, you know, I think Luther's one season five now. Or did it, it hasn't ended yet? No, I think they're filming now,

or maybe it's out on the BBC. There's another season coming out. But, like, even their season four was, like, two episodes. So, like, BBC shows

are just hard to count. It's different. Yeah. Two movies rather than two,'s, it's different. Yeah. Two movies rather than two, than a season of TV. Um, yeah, I don't really know.

I guess there's not as many of these shows that you would think. I mean, there's obviously a ton, but none of them, none of them are really that good. It's better than, it's better than the undoing. And it,

like it was, I, I did not have any real problems with it. It was, it was just good. It was good. I thought it was really good. I thought,

I thought that like, I definitely wanted it to be dark. I didn't want, also, the other thing was, did they make it clear in school? And maybe I just wasn't paying attention or something that Moira was Ryan's sister. I thought it was just like,

yeah, that was, uh, I thought it was him just like a family friend or whatever. Yeah, no, but we definitely talked about it and we didn't say his sister. Yeah, that was... I thought it was him just sticking up for special needs. Like a family friend or whatever. Yeah, no, but... Right? Because we definitely talked about it and we didn't say his sister. Yeah, she was...

That I only knew after seeing people discuss it. I thought that was something like she was being taken care of by them or something like that. But I never thought it was like they just had... Yeah, I just thought it was like somebody... I thought he was just like he was sticking up for someone's special needs. Yeah, yeah. And then that makes more sense when you're like, he's like, I was trying to protect my family

with the shooting thing. He protects his own, yeah. It makes more sense. The only thing I thought they didn't really... The gun situation was a little weird. Some people were like, he got it back like that very same night, but the old man made it sound like it was like

for a couple of days. 100%. But that was the only thing I thought that it was really like, you know, like logistically, like they didn't... Also, 100%. But that was the only thing I thought that was really logistically. Also, does this mean that Ryan stole his pizza cutter? Yeah, the pizza cutter was missing. He's a thief and a murderer.

Where's the pizza cutter, Ryan? He brought the gun back. Where's the cutter at? I mean, a 13-year-old kid. And he probably goes to whatever that little juvenile thing was. But, like, fuck it. Christ. That family is ravaged. But, like, fuck it. Christ. It is.

That family is ravaged. Yeah, for sure. I just want. Like, that family should be an evil person. They should all kill each other. They should all, like, put the fucking carbon dioxide on and just go to sleep. Because you're never going to live a normal fucking life again. Salt the earth over the family tree.

Yeah, be done with the Ross family, you know. But, yeah, I thought, I think if that was – I think Week to Week ended up hurting that. I mean every single time people do this with the theories and the – like they rewrite scripts and stuff. And it's all good. It's all cool stuff. It's all like great fan fiction. But I feel like that's exactly what happened. Like this one, they just – they didn't write great – or better than the show fan fiction.

They just wrote the show. Yeah yeah i think they nailed it but also and then and then that makes people be like oh like you know i wasn't surprised by it it's like well yeah do you want a surprise or do you want it to be like like you like they i think that's much better than being like uh it was this random guy who nobody ever thought of it's like it all makes sense and all like lines up so i think it's like good quality writing minus the gun or it's like who how long do you have the gun or not? There's no like holes in it, really. But, you know, you had a week to like sit on that and think about it and write about it. And now you're upset by that. It's like that's where the binging will give you the like the surprise.

The week to week gives you the discussion. But with the discussion comes what we saw that coming. Like, you know. Yeah, it's not. It's not. I'm not coming by week five. I think I think there was not a single person who would have predicted that right. Five episodes into a seven episode season.

So I think that's a perfect balance of being like surprised enough while also not being totally fabricated and like well written. Because nobody thought about it until the last 14 days. Yeah, I agree. It's not something I'm upset about. It's not something I'm like, that sucked. It was just something missing to me. I don't know what it was. I kept my finger on it. It just needed a little extra pop.

And maybe that's just someone being evil. And that's what I want in those shows. I just want someone being nasty. Well, actually, you kind of got that with Mr. Potts, but he just wasn't the – Mr. Potts was the guy with the kids. Yeah, he was just like the straight-up kidnapper, murderer type. And made that happen too early. And there were other things in the reveals where, like, as soon as they started on –

as soon as they started, like, right away at the lake, and I was like, oh, so this is this is gonna happen fast and you knew there's 55 more minutes right and then even once john happened like okay there's more yeah and then they did i will give you give them credit they did do a good job of kind of lulling you to sleep with everything getting happier and you're like oh maybe like yeah maybe that is it and like this is like the the finale is just about people getting right you know i thought was cool was um like they the way that that uh the old dude like she goes over his house because he's like a widower now and everything's a wreck and it leads to that one conversation of like how you doing and he's like i'm not doing well okay i'm losing my

mind it's like you know they wrote in that his wife was gonna die so that they could have a scene where his place is a mess, where Mare would go over and they would talk, and it's like, all of those little things, like, came together where except for Guy Pearce, they really didn't do a... But that's, like, that's just not supposed to be Guy Pearce. If it wasn't Guy Pearce, then it's fucking fine. Right. The only thing I would

say, I think, ended up being pointless was Siobhan's girlfriends. Yeah. But I think that a writer would be like, we just needed, like needed another part of the show. It's like, get the show that she also has a lesbian daughter who's going through crazy shit. I don't know. That's just another part of the show.

Not everything has to lead to the one murder. It's also pretty fucking normal that a 16-year-old kind of party girl would get sick sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't have to be. You go to any school in America and find a 16-year-old who's fucking doing a little bit too much of something they shouldn't be doing. It doesn't tie into a murder it's

just someone who puked on themselves i think having a few red herrings and a few misdirections are good without ones that really piss off the fans like i don't give a fuck that you know i'm mad in loss that they didn't tie up like some of the main things i'm not mad that i don't know about siobhan's girlfriend right it's just like okay okay, whatever. But I do believe, I think people are going to go watch that now. I feel like Jackie asked me, is it too late? And I was like, I think by the finale being good and the hype of the HBO shit, and I think people like to know now.

People have been burned too many times where it's like if you can tell them, no, the finale was good, it ties up. Yeah, I would recommend the show to someone. Yeah, I think it's going to get a good another round of it. Now people who will binge it all the way through. I'm probably somewhere in the B range with the finale rating. That's a good finale.

It's good. We got Carly Aquilino on. We also got our voicemails, of course. Today it's Tuesday. Well, Wednesday, so we get a little Wednesday top fives. It's brought to you by Canva. Canva Pro is an easy to use platform that has everything you need to design as if you were a pro. You don't need to hire.

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Things like this is what can like launch it, you know, get you over that first hurdle where it's like I can't. I don't even know where to begin. Canva Pro can help you and make it look like you are the professional that you're not really. This is the ultimate like snake until you make it. So go to canva.me slash KFC for that 45-day extended free trial and start designing today. You know what I see a lot of now? Because I have Hulu with ads. I see basically commercials for all of our ad reads.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, I was watching Roman. I see a lot of Roman. I see a lot of Canva. I see a lot of, fuck see a lot of Canva I see a lot of fuck what's the other one that's not like like a tailored towards you it's just

because our I think it's tailored I'm just watching like whatever ABC family's called now it was a Harry Potter weekend freeform yeah and it was most of our advertisers were on there yeah it was very cool I actually was doing it. I was just like, I read a thread, Twitter thread the other day by, I don't know, some dude.

And he was talking about how he had just gotten a hold of it. He was basically explaining. He's like, the biggest conspiracy theory in the world is that your phone's listening to you. It's not. It's not listening to you. But he's explaining how he had just gotten a hold from his mom's house and was getting advertisements for her toothpaste. Which we never talked about.

I just used it and that was it. But then he started explaining how all the metadata works. It's basically like we share it. So our phone, like my phone will tailor ads that it notices on stuff you do on your phone. Because phones that your phone

when they notice your phone is like in the same GPS area as someone a lot sabotaging your ads weird shit at home it starts like they start sharing it's all it's not to every phone you walk by but it's when the two phones in the same place a lot they're like okay these people are friends interesting let's share things

with them and then like even if it's like for nothing other than like to get me to bring up an ad that i got i'm like this is a weird ad and like it but it's something you do so then it reminds you like oh i probably need to get more that is funny i uh my recent recommended for you on the hub has been very strange uh and i'm trying i i cleared no i don't want that i cleared my cachet to um stop it but and i don't know why this would be my thing and i want to know if you okay it's here it is again i want to know if you've seen this okay because i almost don't think this is it can't be tailored towards me because i don't fucking defeated sex fight no has been all over my shit and and and it's the uh locked up ones that are they're like this is a free one now you can watch it it's like a paid for and it's it's

all just like it's all just like those like the lesbian fighting like they're in a fucking they're in like a wrestling ring and they're like then the loser has to like make you come and they're choking each other while they eat each other out and shit yeah bro i don't like lesbian porn let alone lesbian fighting for yeah defeated triple like it's called defeated sex fight the only ones i've ever seen are like they're in an actual ring these guys have these gals appear to be on the couch of sorts. Right. I've seen them in the ring ring. They're on the high school wrestling match.

There's a circle and everything. Yeah, I'm like, you guys are going to get like fungus diseases. You're going to get a MERS infection doing that down there. Put on your fucking clit. Dude, so I... There's a cauliflower here. Oh, even grosser. I'm literally beating the pussy up.

And I thought that – I was like, is this like a promo? Because like I said, they're all like – their star means they're paid but staying free. So I – one of my – I always love when people are like, look at Barstool Sports. Like look at their ads for like this gay shape. Barstool is gay now. I was like, those are tailored towards your – Yeah, yeah. this gay shape. Ours is gay now. I was like, those are tailored towards your years. So I was talking to Aria and I was like,

why are you guys feeding me so much defeated sex porn shit? And she was like, that's your recommended. I was like, fuck! But I really,

I'm like, I'm trying to think of all the things I would search or watch. I'm like, I don't, I've never watched any of these things.

I'll tell you what, I don't search anything with lesbian in it. No, exactly. Get the fuck out of here. So I was hoping that you were going to be like, oh, I saw a defeated sex fight on my homepage too.

Might be Pride Month, but I don't do that kind of gay stuff. Oh, man. But I cleared out everything. Lesbian porn. And I'm still getting it. Lesbian porn is the gayest shit in the world. Watching lesbian porn is the gayest thing a guy can do.

Absolutely. When I hear that a guy still likes lesbian porn, I'm like, grow up. Yeah, dude. Like, when do you hit puberty, you fucking baby? A straight man who watches lesbian porn is gayer than a guy who sucks dick. Absolutely. For sure. Or he's like, I think when you were a kid.

When I was young. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. You were a child. I said straight man. I was a straight child. Right. As a boy, I would have told you that a lesbian with a strap on is like the hottest thing

you could see in the world. Now I'm like, why do you have a rubber penis? Get out of here. Yeah. And give me some real cock. Why are you sucking that rubber penis? Yeah. No one's going to.

That thing's not going to come. It's not going to come for you. Although sometimes they have those ones now that do shoot out cum. It's fucking wacky. But yeah, if I ever caught like a grown man friend of mine being like, yo, man, I was talking about porn the other day. These two lesbians read each other. I'd be like, enough.

Enough with your little fucking G-rated fairy tale shit. Jenna and Brianna, you fucking pussy. You are a prude little bitch. You know what it is? And it's a shame for the ladies, whether it's lesbian or otherwise. Watching someone go down on a girl is the least entertaining thing in the world boring

watching a chick go down on a guy you're going to see and hear some things it's a whole experience anybody going down on a girl you just see someone's head watching a guy go down on a girl is like studying offensive line game film I want to see the deep ball

you're so right you gotta really be like Watching a guy go down on the girls like studying offensive line game film. I want to see the deep ball. You're so right. You got to really be like the way that like Stephen Che would watch somebody block and be like, look at the way he sealed off that block. That's like watching somebody eat someone out. It's like you really appreciate the time motion. I could learn something about the game from here. I don't even think you could. I want to see fireworks. I think the most unrealistic thing in porn are people going down on girls where it's like, first of all, their head is like turned so you can like see.

And then they're just like flicking their tongue and stuff. Yeah, yeah. It's like when you're really, if you're really getting the job done, it's like. It's, you know, when Biz says he's mucking barn, mucking box, nobody's doing that like gently. The fakest shit in the world, man. Was it this show where I said that? I have to blow my nose after I push the head? Yeah, exactly. I can't even breathe after I've done

the job well, let alone fucking perform for the camera. That was an ad read. I get dressed like a fucking little Jewish kid going to the pool before I eat pussy. I got fucking nose plugs. I got ear tags. I got swimmies on.

Fucking goggles. Hell yeah. He stands by the edge of the pool ready to jump in. Three, two, one. He's diving. Wow. Tommy smokes at the pool

at the age of like eight. His fight's giving a girl's head. I'm like that kid in fucking Little Giants, the one whose mom wraps him all up and he's got his arms like this. Yeah. He's got a little bowl coat and the glasses. Oh, man. Yeah. You got to dive all the way in.

You got to close the protection on me. Yeah, I don't know if everybody. Except the one that prevents STDs. I don't know if everybody would have heard that line, because it was during that Soder and Gillis episode, and it was in a long ad. I could see people skipping by. But during that episode, John said, I gotta blow my nose after I

eat pussy. And I almost passed out, man. It went fuzzy for a second when he said that. But defeated sex fight is making me look in the mirror pretty hard i don't think it was on you like i think we've well established that's not that's not your game i guess i don't know i was i'll tell you what i was nervous that whatever you're gonna say i was you're on there have a hard time saying no that it wasn't me yeah wait a minute so if you're saying that we're connected, maybe, yeah, maybe you're searching some shit.

I can assure you my search injuries have not done that. The only thing I could think of is I don't think I'd really search anything, but there's certainly some choking action in there. Well, that would do it. But no more so than in the past. You cross-referenced some choking with some gangbang. Next thing you know, maybe you're searching with my searching, and next thing you know, Captain Planet. When our powers combine, we are defeated sex fight.

That's a scary Frankenstein thought. Your preferences mixed with my preferences. Next thing you know, we'd be in jail. It's just women beating each other up. It's just fucking Ronda Rousey highlights. It's just Amanda Nunez bashing on people's faces. And I'm coming. And I'm still coming.

God, Dana White even gave you the rights to this. Boy, I'm staying know special contracts when you when you're recommended for you you click a button and it says you are now leaving porn hub and it sends you to the mma fucking archives yeah it sounds about right oh my god i mean but also by the way i'm gonna i haven't watched it yet i'm gonna have to watch defeated sex fight because maybe maybe porn i'm just trying to tell me something. Like, we know your habits. This is one that you – you know what? There needs to be recommended for you, and then there needs to be – like, you know what I always say?

I always say – I remember saying this when I was younger about my mom. This is getting weird. But I guess more so, just in general, maybe as a gift. When someone else buys you clothes, they will buy you something that you never would have picked out. 100%. Like when I go shopping, I'm going to pick out a blue fucking shirt every time. You stay in 10-2 when you're shopping by yourself. Right.

It's like, oh, I would never buy you this brown shirt, but it's really nice. Well, maybe Pornhub's trying to be like, this is your mom shopping for you. I'm telling you, you're going to like this. This is good stuff. Get away from the blue button up for a change and watch Defeated Sex Fight. So I'm going to listen to Pornhub. It's the most powerful website on the planet Earth. Maybe they're right.

Top fives? All right, so today, in honor of Kyrie Irving stomping on the logo at the... How dare he? You step on Lucky. You step on all of us. Kyrie Irving doing one of the most disrespectful things I've ever seen in all of sports. Not since Randy Moss showed everyone his fucking balloon knot have I been disoffended. This is crazy.

From top to bottom. From Kyrie. Kyrie is such an asshole. From being the bottom. From Kyrie. Kyrie's such an asshole. From being the guy, you cannot be the guy who comes in and invokes his mother's Native American roots to sage the place and, like, rid yourself of the bad vibes. And then be the guy who, like, he stomps on it and wipes his foot on it. You know what I mean? You can't be that guy. He's such an asshole.

He's such a cocksucker. He's such a coward for doing it when he did it. Like, no one else was around. But also. Yeah, like, he should have done it during the game. Or like, right after when people are. See, do not get me wrong. Am I personally offended that Kyrie stepped on a logo that's been stepped on a million times?

Somebody. Some people are. Some people are, John. Under no stretch of the imagination am I. Do I think Kyrie's a bit of a little bitch? Of course. are, John. Under no stretch of the imagination am I. Do I think Kyrie's a bit of a little bitch? Of course. Do I think that Kevin Garnett and Big Baby are being fucking ridiculous with their Instagram posts? Being like, you know, let's take this to the streets.

I mean, Kevin Garnett. Shut the fuck up. Kevin Garnett will probably appear on this list today. He's the one saying, you know, you can't do this stuff. And yet he's the most disrespectful person in the history of sports. I mean, he wished Tim Duncan. Save it. Save it for the list.

All right. We got our top five most disrespectful, most least sportsmanlike, biggest scandal, behavior, whatever you want to do. You can go any which way with it. But, yeah, big baby. I also, listen, they won a title in Boston, right? Yeah, they won a title. And that's important.

You win a title, flags fly forever. Coming from me, if any of my teams win one, I will remember that team forever. But that Boston team acts like they were like brothers at war for like forever and winning. And like, it's like you snuck a title in right in, in the middle of like LeBron's reign of terror. And otherwise he like shit pumped you for a decade. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, yeah, you're pretty right. And like big baby is like, I think of like LSU. I don't even know if big baby was on the team that one, I don't think he was.

And I, and I think when I, when I think of big baby as a pro, I'm like, all right, I guess I picture him in a Celtics uniform. I think a big baby is being on an LSU in, in right, I guess I picture him in a Celtics uniform. I think of Big Baby as being in LSU in college. He's not like a lifelong Celtic.

By no means should Big Baby be like speaking for Celtics nation. When I think of Big Baby, I think of Kevin Garnett making him cry. Right, right. Yeah, you were crying on the fucking bench, dude, so shut the fuck up. And then the ultimate drama is the police charging that dude with assault and battery with a deadly weapon. Yeah. I mean, that's. I know they're trying to make an example.

I think it's to be fair. I do think it's a dangerous weapon. Not dangerous weapon. But still, it is. They got to do something because like Russ got the popcorn. Trey got spit on. I think John Moran got touched or pushed or grabbed. Like fans.

What's the name of IQ? Is that your guy? Yeah. Quinley. Whatever. I don't think I saw it. Game two. So at MSG, someone threw a beer at him. Yeah. Quinley? I don't think I saw it. Game two. So at MSG, someone threw a beer at him.

Oh, my God. I didn't even see that one. I mean, Malice of the Palace is coming, brother. I mean, these guys are ready to fucking snap. So I guess something's got to be done. I don't even know why they did it. I'm playing for them. I thought the first shot I saw, I thought that dude nailed him with that bottle.

It kind of passes through him, but there's one angle where it looks like he's filming and throwing, and I was about to be like, bro, we almost got to let him have it because, you know. The weird thing is that people are trying to use the Kyrie, the stomp, to justify the throw. That dude didn't fucking see the stomp before he threw it. No one saw that stomp until that video came out later.

Those are not apples to apples. You can't do that. You can't throw things at people. You can't, that. You can't throw things at people. It's a disrespectful shit-talking thing. You don't get to fight people over that unless you're Big Baby, apparently. Take it to the streets. I think you can go with little symbols. I think of it as most memorable things. It can be really bad.

It can be subtle. It can be whatever uh but most you know worst basically sports behavior okay uh marsh and just dummying daniel sedin which one was that because i know he's got some he just he he just keeps punching him in the face and daniel c just keeps taking it he is it. It is. It is just like a repeated. I mean, it's someone just repeatedly punching another man in the face. Yeah. And that man just trying to hide his head. Yeah.

Like, he never gets hands up for a second. Right, right. It is one of the funniest GIFs you'll ever see. And the Sadeen brothers' sisters are like such pussies, right? Yeah. Or like everyone portrays them as that at least. Yeah. I remember when they got the Tyler Sagan and Jamie Benn in trouble because they were like, yeah, who knows what those weirdos do behind closed doors.

And everyone was like, well, that's pretty homophobic. And I was like, no. You're the one who said that. It's anti-incest. Yeah, we're talking about brothers. They were just two gay guys. Fuck each other. They're going to be okay.

But you can't fuck each other when you're identical twins. Definitely. Those guys for sure. I'm pretty sure they're gonna be okay but they're brothers you can't fuck each other when you're identical twins they definitely are by the way those guys for sure i'm pretty sure they're identical twins they're definitely uh they were they would both drive the same year you're definitely identical twins uh i'm gonna go with um i think the other the other other logo stomping i think to's star uh stomp is is the most memorable stomp of all time. And I give him credit for doing it multiple times, went back, like, did it when, I think it was Emmitt Smith who, like, went and fucking nailed him because of it. So, like... Was that Emmitt? I thought that was a

defensive player. I thought Emmitt was an... Oh, because no, then Emmitt, I think Emmitt did it back. I think he scored and went and, like, put the football either on their star or back when it was in T.O., when he was in San Francisco, wherever it was. There was all sorts of good retaliation, and it was like, you know, as soon as Kyrie stepped on that logo, the immediate conversation.

If you talk about logo stomping, it's T.O. and that pose. I mean, that was like the essence of T.O., so. Okay, number two, Tim Thomas hitting Henrik Sedin in front of the net. Just a Sedin clinic here. Yeah, just, I mean, a move that really is not used by goaltenders very often to step out of the crease and just check a player. I mean, that's when you have been totally emasculated. Yeah.

Completely and utterly emasculated on that one. Okay, I'm going to go with my favorite display of poor sportsmanship in the history of all sports is the dude who hopped on the subway in the marathon. The dude who skipped the final mile in the – was it the Boston Marathon? Not the – it wasn't a guy, though. It was a girl? Yeah. Whoever did the – It was like Ruby Ruiz, a guy though. It was a girl? Yeah. Whoever did the... It was like

Ruiz, right? Yeah. I think Ruby Ruiz is I think her name. Amazing. It was definitely a woman. She hopped on the tee, right? Yeah. I mean, incredible. The fact that they wrote it into a Seinfeld episode basically. I mean... Didn't Johnny

Manziel's wife do that? She cheated on the marathon too? She cheated on like a half marathon maybe something like that and like i'm cheating on a 5k and and then like when people are like well that's a world record you just said she's a game really fast if you can get away with it like if you can find a way to like get out of a car and just blend back in and and yeah uh disqualified from the Diva Half Marathon. How fast did she run it? Did it say? She probably ran it in like four minutes. Two hours.

Under two hours each. That's not that fast for a half marathon. This is not for runners. The Diva Marathon has got to be for Instagram girls. I thought it was like a legit world record she was setting. After running the first 6.4 miles, she ran the final 6.8 miles in 26 minutes. A four-minute mile.

That would be a world record. So she ran a four-minute mile pace for the final seven miles of a fucking half marathon. Absolutely amazing. Just tried to say it's because she's super fast. I loved it. Marathon cheating is special cheating because you know how fucking annoying those people are. They take it so, so seriously.

Okay, that was your second? Yeah. So my third. Milan Lucic waving his finger in front of Alex Burrow. Because Burrow had bit Patrice Bergeron earlier. I would put the biting up there. That whole saga. Biting, finger wagging.

Looch took his finger out of the glove. Your dirty finger. Looch is not to be fucked with today. He's a bad man. He's a bad, bad man. I will go with... I'll go with Tanya Harding. Absolutely bashing Nancy

Kerrigan. Pretty disrespectful. That is, god I wish that happened. Everyone says which thing do you wish Twitter was around for? If that happened in the modern era, because like figure skating is one of those funny things that figure skating, swimming, gymnastics, the Olympic

sports that we all get into yeah especially when there's good americans and we get like these two girls speaking of the olympics real quick sorry yeah yeah we're doing that shit huh it is we're doing it the biggest load of fucking bullshit that we're calling these the 2020 yeah i mean it's just just fucking it's it's just they're just not yeah they're just just have the record. By no metric are they the 2020 Olympics. It's so stupid. As it is already June of 2021. It's infuriating.

It'll be okay if you just write 2021 and then the next ones are three years from now. They're going to go back to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The next one's in three years. Is it just because they want to keep this logo? Probably. Yes, probably.

That's such a good logo. I swear to God that's why they're doing it. Oh. See, look at the headline. Is this better than the official design? That logo is. And I would have respected them being like. And that logo went viral.

But that's not the logo. I would have respected them being like, it's too good, man. It's too good. It's like if you get a good title and it doesn't work, it's like, no, come on. We got to go with that. The wordplay is too good. Yeah. get a good title and it doesn't work it's like no come on we gotta go with that the wordplay is too good uh yeah i mean the olympics is the most corrupt and also stupidest fucking organization in the world it's then fifa just as you say yeah stop that but man if we were like like we had bar like barstool coverage of kerrigan and tanya harding i was like oh my god nancy kerrigan's out

and then why oh because she got her knee clubbed. Oh, wait, why? It was her competitor who sent Jeff Galuli a fucking henchman after. Nancy Kerrigan screaming, why? The t-shirts we would have made. Ah, the memes, the why memes would have been incredible. That is one of my favorite Bargatze jokes on his new special.

What does he say? With his little friend, little person, friend, who's trying he just likes to convince him that he doesn't know things right and his friend was like you gotta hear about

he's like dude no one knows about that you don't know literally no one on the planet knows who Nancy Kerrigan

and Tonya Harding are and he's like yeah they do and Nate was like dude if it was that big they would have made a documentary about it and he's like

they made a documentary about it he goes then they would have made a documentary about it. He's like, they made a documentary about it. He goes, then they would have made a movie. He goes, they made a movie too. He's like, I forget the guy's name. But he's like, and right now, as I'm on stage, he's learning that, of course, I know who Dan is. At this moment. And there's nobody better in the world than Nate to play that with that straight, dead

family. What are you talking about, man? No one knows what you're talking about. No one's heard of Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding. For just weeks, let's let the guy think that. Have you ever told this story about your dead friend on the pod? Which one? I don't know.

She's out of your league? She's out of your league. Tell the tale in case you haven't heard it. Maybe we've told it before. But as far as letting your friends just go on believing something, Johns can't be beat. You can tie Johns. You can't beat it.

All right, so this is summer. I don't fucking know. Summer a long time ago. And my buddy, he was dating this girl, and he told her that he was going to wake her up at 6. Because, like, she was going out the night, the day before. I forget. They had some kind of thing where he was going to call her at 6 p.m.

Okay. And he got so fucking drunk the night before, and he fucked up his alarm. And he just kind of sent her a reminder. Yeah. But he just set his alarm for 6 a.m. So 6 a.m., we hear him just turning over the house, looking for his phone.

So we all wake up, and he's like, what are you doing? He's like, I gotta call Kristen. I gotta call Kristen. I'm like, why do you have to call Kristen right now? He's like, she's gotta be at work, but I told her I talked to her beforehand. We're like, bro, it's 6 o'clock in the morning. She's not going to work right now. It's like, she's working tonight at the bar, but you don't have to talk to her beforehand we were like bro it's 6 o'clock in the morning she's not going to work right now she's working tonight at the bar

you don't have to talk to her tonight and he's still fucked up but he caused such a commotion that we were all like well we're up now it's 6am so we drove to a red box and we rented She's Outta Your League great film and we came home

so this is like back in the day. This was whatever summer was. It was the summer of Redbox. A lot of Redbox in the summer. And so we go. She's out of your league. And we start watching it. And we're all loving it.

Really having a hell of a time. It's a great movie. Great film. And he ends up passing out because he was so drunk. But he made it through most of the movie. And then later that day when he wakes up, he's like, yo, by the way, how did that movie end? That was fucking good. And we're like, dude, you're never going to believe this.

You'll never guess this. He's like, what? Like, they fucking both die in a plane crash. Have you seen it? It's like the classic corny rom-com ending. She is in his league. They fall in love together. They both die in a plane crash.

And he's like, get the fuck out of here. It immediately becomes the greatest movie of all time. Right. What a twist ending. Nobody saw it coming. With the fucking fighter pilot and him in a fucking plane. Everyone just fucking dies. It was crazy.

It's like, holy shit! My mind is blown. We talked about it regularly for the next month or so. And then he died. And so we never found out how that movie actually ended. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

No! Dying in his sleep and never got to know the answer he went out thinking that fucking he like his final dream was probably about like

I can't believe I did that like it's just fucking what's his name Alice Eve and Jay Parachel

Parachel fucking flying crash he's like just tossing it I can't believe it it's unbelievable there's no way

that's how I died and then he died I feel like, I can't believe it. It's unbelievable. There's no way that's how it died. And then he died. I feel like didn't you guys have a moment where you all were like, and wait a minute. The best part is he never fucking knew. Like you had a moment like screaming afterwards. Like, yo, did you ever tell him about how that movie actually ended? No, I didn't. Like out of all, you know, you're thinking like, God, if I could just have one more day to tell him I love him

or tell him how good of a friend he was or tell him that Jay Baruchel and Alice Eve don't die in a fiery crash at the end of each season of your league. They actually had a really happy ever after. It's a very nice end. It's incredible. I don't know what's going on. Jackie's crying. She's legit crying.

We've talked about this dead kid enough. Usually I would cry, but... Yeah, that was fucking funny. I hope that he got to the Branson-bound part at one point, too. Like, saw them on the plane and was like, oh, here it comes. Oh, he knew, like, yeah, they were on a plane. He knew, yeah, I mean, the whole movie's based around fucking planes. Fighter pilots and TSA agents.

Right, right. Not that far-fetched. It'd be a hell of a twist, but it could happen. Yeah. He knew the whole movie is based around fucking planes. Fighter pilots and TSA agents. Not that far-fetched. It would be a hell of a twist. It could happen. My turn for five here? Okay, so my turn for four. Andrew Ferentz flicking off the Montreal crowd. And then trying to say it was an equipment malfunction.

I mean, it was the most obvious fuck you. He scored a goal, turned the crowd, and it's like sticking one hand, fucking middle finger in the other. And he's just like, yeah, my glove got stuck. I don't know, that's how it happened. But I love those excuses where it's like, well, you can just stick to that, and we

can't really, you know, it's like, no, it didn't, but we're just going to ride that one out. I'm going to go with what you alluded to earlier. I think the worst shit talking of all time is Kevin Garnett making fun of Tim Duncan's dead mom on Mother's Day. I think that is the gold standard. I almost think it's bad shit talk. Like, it's just like, it's not even, it's mean. You know, it's not clever.

It's not like, it's just. Well, he just like whispers, like, happy Mother's just like too it's not even it's mean yeah you know it's not clever it's not like it's just he just like whispers like happy mother's day right what i think he just was yeah well and i guess that part is kind of clever yeah it's badass but it's like it's just like that year of cancer dark yeah uh but it really is like it sticks out the same way i think of like logo stomping i think it's yo if I think of just words, just mean shit talking. KG's up there with the Honey Nut Cheerios. He's got a whole bunch of other... The assault rifle, M24, M16, all that shit. He's got a lot of classic quotes.

But Mother's Day for the guy's dead mom is just... It was Tim Duncan, right? Yeah. Just the meanest, darkest of all time. Okay, my number five is Vancouver burning itself to the ground. That's it. You can't pick up here. I went with a 2011 cup run theme.

It's all happened within about three weeks. I am sticking with that. I am speaking another cup run into existence. I said before this, I don't know if we were recording or not, that top five is basically just, I do jokes that only I find funny. Like your Twitter account. And everyone just says, Jesus Christ, you got your ass kicked in this one.

Yeah, I know. I wasn't really trying to win. I was just having fun. It's honestly, people are catching on on Twitter now. They're like, how come I get more interaction than Feidelberg and I have 300 Twitter followers? Because he's just doing it for himself. He's just having a great time.

I am the kid in right field picking daisies. You guys playing a game? You are. Oh, I'm just hanging out. You are digitally picking daisies. That's internet daisies. All right, let me run through the remaining on my list here. I have Michael Jordan punching Steve Kerr in the face.

That's a classic in practice. I've got Robbie Alomar spitting in John Hirschbeck's face. That was great. I think that also spawned the AIDS thing when everyone said that Robbie Alomar had AIDS. That was crazy. Izzy Alcantara kicking the catcher. Yes. That one's up there.

So I think my five. So I had Roger Clemens throwing the bat at Piazza, but whatever. Pedro throwing down Don Zimmer, kind of whatever. Izzy Ogunterra, that leads me to Delman Young throwing his bat at the umpire. Yeah. That, to me, has got to be the worst sportsmanship. You can do snowballs at Santa. You can do batteries at J.D. Drew.

Throwing a bat, like whipping a bat, like helicopter style at an umpire is and i think that's been like wiped from the internet i don't think you can like get that that footage anymore uh probably because it's like the most goddamn violent thing that's ever happened on a baseball diamond but delman young baseball bat throwing at the umpire jiminy cricket you are a piece of fucking garbage who was the this is actually my favorite uh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i thought that this was like hard to find no but nope it's right there on youtube perfect delman young is just a bad motherfucker you know in a bad way like you're just an asshole this is dimitri young's brother what meat hook here watch you just see it come flying back out oh man yeah exactly nick like the only

point like the i love how it's almost like you just see it come back into the camera shot. Just an absolute garbage bag move. You know what my favorite this one reminded me of? When? Can you do Izzy Alcantara kick in the catcher, too? That's a good one. He does, like, a super kick, back kick. The Lenny Randall, Bob Johnson.

I don't know either. So Bob Johnson threw behind Lenny Randall. Right. Oh, that was just on Twitter this weekend. Did you see that? Yeah, that's what made me think of it again. Right. It was, I mean, it's the all-time, like, it's the greatest play in history.

Izzy Alcantara with the super kick. Full-blown premeditated, we are fighting no matter what happens here. I think it was a strike. Yeah, I know, I know. It wasn't even like an inside pitch. I love that he was like, all right, I got to take out the catcher first. Like barely inside, pow! And then you can't catch me.

And look at him. He squares off. He throws one punch. And then look, it's like, look, one, two, three, four, five. He's like surrounded by like sharks here. But yeah, the clip he started about was like the 70s or 80s. Yeah. Throws behind him.

And then he lays a drag bunt. He's a lefty. It's Bob Johnson and Lenny Randall. It is the most accurate, like, well, not accurate. It's the best executed play. Execution, that's what I was looking for. He charges the mount without having to charge the mount because he lays down this drag bunt perfectly down the first baseline,

then leans in, and loads on him helmet flying gloves flying hat flying and it's like yeah man i didn't like technically that was just uh like in the field of play yeah like i don't even know if that guy he maybe got called out but i don't think you can get like suspended or fined or i mean this is back in the day when they didn't do that kind of shit anyway but technically all you did was try to tag me and i was just running down the baseline but also when when people do things like that it's like maybe he's just laser focused because of the the the vengeance on his mind but it's like if you can do that kind of shit and put the ball wherever you want yeah why don't you bat like 500 yeah exactly uh so let us know your top five most disrespectful, unsportsmanlike, violent, shit-talking, whatever in sports history.

And right now we'll get into our voicemails before we talk to Carly. Voicemails today are brought to you by Miller Lite. Sit back. Yay, yay. Enjoy a Miller Lite while we talk to you guys. KFC Radio is the longest running, and really it might be up there for like all podcasts at this point uh the longest running like user generated direct like line to our listeners i mean it's been like 10 years of voicemails we probably i mean we probably got like tens of thousands of calls at this point

so one of the longest running uh podcast segments here talking directly to the users where you want to crack open a beer and enjoy it with your buddies and all your friends. It's so good that there is sometimes when we're doing live streams and things like that and you got to remember like, oh, we have these advertisers for this, we have this for this. I don't have to remember anything. I'm just like, oh, let's get a middle light, please. I'm like, that's just what I want. I want a middle light because my eyes have been opened by the Lord. I've seen the light. And I fucking love. I have been opened by the Lord. I've seen the light. I've been touched by the Spirit, John.

A nice fucking beer like Miller Lite. Dana Beers has switched over. We've switched over. We're getting the whole East Coast to switch over. Yeah. I'll tell you what. They blew it. The other companies, they had a stronghold on the East Coast,

and they never even thought twice about it. And then in comes Miller Lite, and they plant the seed and uh and guys like us start drinking it next thing you know it's over they own the whole fucking country from sea to shining goddamn sea it's brewed in milwaukee wisconsin so you know it's the real deal it's only 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces so you know that it's uh not going to get you fat and bloated you can get it delivered right to your door when you go to MillerLite.com slash KFC to find the delivery options near you. And it's great taste, less filling. You know, in a world of like

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So go get the Miller Lite delivered right to your door and always celebrate responsibly. From the Miller Brewing Company in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96th College, 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Voicemails, let's go. Hey, fellas. I've got a real conundrum on my hands. So I'm 27. I've got eight weddings to go to this fall and summer between my friends and my girlfriend's friends, because I've got all the last years and this year, so I'm really just dreading that. And there's one double booking where it's my girlfriend's best friend.

She's the maid of honor, and for the last year has been telling me, like, she really wants me to be at this wedding. Well, I just got notice that a really good friend of mine is getting married on that same day, four hours apart from each other town-wise. Like, there's no way to do both. She's going to be the maid of honor, and I'm never going to see her. She's going to be sitting at a different table. I don't know anybody at this wedding versus one of my really good friends who's going to be throwing a better wedding at a better venue with better food and people that I know, and I really want to go to that one. And my girlfriend will probably rip my head off if I don't go to hers.

So should I bail on my buddy for my girlfriend will probably rip my head off if I don't go to hers. So should I bail on my buddy for my girlfriend? I'm going to give you a dramatic answer here. Tell me what's up. I'm going to give you a dramatic answer here. Right now, right this moment, this guy needs to break up with this girl. Why? Break up with this girl.

Why? Because if you are in a relationship where you are so worried to even bring this up to her, wake up with this girl. Why? Because if you're in a relationship where you are so worried to even bring this up to her, in a situation that I think is so open and shut, you should be able to go to that other person's wedding, you're in a bad relationship and he's a dumper

right now. I agree with you. There is no reason you should go to the other wedding. None. None whatsoever. You should go to your friends i mean the fact that she's the maid of honor he's so right you don't ever see you certainly don't see anybody if they're in like the bridal party the maid of honor no fucking you don't see people in the bridal party not i mean you might i guess i definitely don't see i i again everybody i go

to i'm in the groom's party bro i feel like i'm mingling off you gotta go do pictures for like a couple hours yeah i'm made of honors gotta like be on duty she's gotta maybe sometimes they sit at different tables sometimes they gotta do as most they always have to do a speech like you will see them much less than you would i would i would say you're you would be more this should be more of a debate if she was just going to a wedding for sure and it was just like do we go to my friend's wedding or her friend's wedding because then your girl your girlfriend's gonna be, I want to go to my girlfriend's. And if you're not there, like, who do I dance with? And it's like, you're going to be paired up with another groomsman.

You're going to be taking pictures. You're going to be doing all these things with these people that are built in. I don't want to miss my best friend's wedding. And then, you know, on top, you don't have to tell her. But like, and that wedding is going to be better. But the mere fact that you are even afraid to bring up this completely logical situation, says everything. Break up with this guy right now. Break up with this guy right now.

I mean, why would you? Why would you? I don't even know why we take relationship questions. What are you calling about? You know the answer. He does. He knows the answer. Yeah.

KFC Radio, the answer is die alone. Would you? I mean, why would you? KFC Radio, die alone. We might have to put that on the show. Just die alone. Hey, guys. I got a quick question about going on.FC Radio, die alone. We might have to put that on the show. Just die alone. Hey, guys. I got a quick question about going on.

Dump her. Die alone. Thanks for the voicemail. Why would you? You're right. You're 100% right. There's nothing like. And the fact that he's like, my girlfriend's going to rip my head.

And you know what? He's right, too. She is. She's probably going to slap him in the face. And it's just like, why? I mean, imagine if the tables were turned. You would never, ever do this to a girl. I would be like, fuck yeah.

Primarily because guys like when their girlfriends leave them alone. It's like, yes, I want to get to party with my guys. I would definitely be like, yeah, hell yeah. That'd be sick. I'll just get fucked up. Yeah. I'll just get drunk. That's what I'm going to do.

What am I going to do? I'm going to get drunk. Why would you have to go to a different wedding on the same day? You go take pictures and fucking be cutesy stuff and do a little fake dance going in. I'll be shirtless with a tie tied around my neck. Right. I'll be the fucking star of this other wedding. Because what?

You need me to hold your fucking purse while you take pictures? Throw it in the grass like an adult. Come on. Don't even have a bed. Would you get mad at your boyfriend for this? Would you expect your boyfriend to come to the wedding where you are? I think it depends like how close the friend is. At what point do you think you will know that you have to talk into the podcast?

Sorry. At what point do you think you'll learn to do it? Do you think it'll take six months? Do you think it'll take a year? Like it's crazy. Do you understand that like this feels like this is close. It's not at all. Enough for me.

Nope. How is this any different? Do you see how we talk? this is close? It's not at all. Enough for me to... Nope. How is this any different? Do you see how we talk? Do we talk like this? Well, John just is like eating. Yeah, I get up in this. Sometimes I'll go like this, but I'm usually right up in the bitch. I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong, but it's fine.

And this is... Is this good enough for you? Yeah, now we're good. Okay. But do you see the difference in that and how you were talking a minute ago? You were like a lounge guy. Do you see how hunched over I am?

I'll get a lounge. Even here, I twist my leg. You move it in. Because if I'm sitting here, and then I have to go... Oh, unless your heart, you have to move your chair over to talk on the podcast.

I get that, too. Like, I got to move to do stuff? I don't know. Would you be mad at your boyfriend for this? No. Would you expect him to go? I don't think. I mean, I've never been to a wedding.

Or, like, I've never obviously been a part of a wedding, so I don't know, like, what the bridesmaid says. But if it was his friend, no. Okay, what about if you're dating a guy and you have a wedding? Nobody's in the weddings. It's just like we both have a wedding on the same day. Would you expect him to go with you? No.

Yeah, I just don't get that. I just don't understand the hubris of like, you must go with my life. Yeah, right. What's mine too? Yeah. Why don't we just not go together? I remember my Fordham reunion was at the same time

as her Holy Cross reunion, and I see all my friends from Fordham all the time. I didn't really want to do the reunion. I was like, alright, this will be funner. This is something I've never done before. So I did it, but if it was like, no, you just go your set. People have conflicting things. All the time.

Sometimes it happens on the same day and you've got to split up for a fucking night. Insanity. Break up with that girl. Next up. What up KFC ksc fights jackie and nick uh just had a question for you guys um so i was thinking the other day about how my friend asked me like if you could be anything in the world uh what would you be as a job? And I was like, I really, honestly, I want to be a rapper. And I was kind of too embarrassed to even say it, so I just lied and said a baseball player. But I wanted to know if you guys have any insecure job goals.

I don't know. Give me your best, not goal, what the fuck, I guess dreams. Thanks, guys. I thought he was going to be like, you got me insecurities. We're already an hour and a half in, but I don't know how much longer we can go here. Insecure job dreams. I have aspirations of this podcast becoming you know the the biggest best most popular one ever that's probably just not gonna happen and so

you know the yeah i think i think i yeah i'm i'm embarrassed of literally all of my dreams yeah because they're just not gonna come true like that's like i don't i don't even talk about that i almost think if you're not insecure about your dreams, you're not dreaming hard enough. If your dream is something that's just super attainable, so you're not embarrassed by it, that's not even a fucking dream. Yeah, I would never – if you said, what's your dream blank, I would tell you a lie because I'm just like this guy. I wouldn't want you to know what I really want to do because I'm probably not going to get there.

I remember saying when I first learned all about the west coast like network of podcasts and i loved how they all like help each other out and then rogan is like the linchpin where it's like you get on rogan and he promotes you and then you've been put on and then you're in this in like the circle you know and i was like i would love to be like the east coast rogan where we find these comics and help put them on. But I would never, I was like, we can't fucking joke, Rogan. You come on our podcast, it's like, no big deal. I would never like proclaim that or like really say that

because it's never going to fucking happen. But if I was like, my goal for this podcast is to like, you know, get some downloads and like put out some merch and like put out, put out like a game, like, I don't know, it's not a fucking dream. You've already done it. Yeah, I've already done it yeah i can't

done it it was a fine dream well it's not what i'd go right home about i wouldn't i wouldn't wake up like you guys never gets a dream i had last night i i i think uh i would maybe i dream i i would like to the way that we got into the merch game and like basically now just like make clothes it's pretty cool by the way pretty cool yeah um so more of that i guess like oh i guess i guess my dream would be to write like a show like a blogger show i think was that talking with you the other day or maybe with trent and them like i think a show just called bloggers that's like loosely or like i guess like heavily based on on our profession and just like all the

honestly the the fact is stranger than fiction i think with the barstool world you could have you know season after season of all the drama we've had and scandals and successes and failures and all that you know the best part about that is though someone's gonna do it before us a hundred percent i i think it's already in the works so yeah someone's gonna make a barstool show before barstool does. And we're going to be like, fuck, that should have been our idea. But that would be my dream is to write a very good, witty, popular half-hour comedy that has five or six seasons to it.

Yeah. And I'd like to act in that show, too. That's another dream. I would like to be – but you want to play yourself, though, right? Huh? You don't want to play yourself, right? Oh, no, I think I want to play myself. You do? I think I'd only be act in that show, too. I would like to be... You want to play yourself, though, right? You don't want to play yourself, right? I think I'd only be good at playing me. That's true. You might have to play yourself. You know when people play the Joker

and then they kill themselves? What would happen? Jar! What would happen? Get the jar, Jar. I'll have to put in a metaphor. Who carries cash? You've got $100 on your desk. Oh, you know what? the jar. I'll have to put in a metaphor. Who carries cash? I have to start carrying cash.

You got $100 on your desk. Oh, you know what? Yeah. I'll bring in the $100. I have $100 of singles on my desk that I will then contribute. A little IOU. We'll do like Dumb and Dumber style. $1. What's the date right now? It's June 1st.

June 1st. Would you like me to go grab it from your desk? Yeah, please do that. Thank you. Did you like how I spoke into the mic this time? Did you? Oh, that's good. I did.

You didn't even see it. People will kill themselves for playing John. And I will rip that off. I'm going to put that in there as a little IOU until Jackie gets those dollars. But I think you're right about that nobody could really play you i think i'd rather be not like an m night shy malamalan um like bit bit character you know he's me i'd like to be like a little cameo like i'd like to play like the janitor who's at the office while the bloggers are happening you know who just pops in

with like good one-liners here and there. But I don't know if I want to play, like, myself, because, you know what's weird, too, is, like, maybe it's just because we're wildly insecure and have, you know, all sorts of issues, but, like, when people write a show that's based on them,

there's moments where, like, they're the hero, right? And it's like, that's kind of, like, wildly arrogant. Yeah. But I would be worried about that, where I'd be like, well, I can never be, they're the hero right and it's like yeah that's kind of like wildly arrogant yeah i would be worried about that where i'd be like well i could never be like the hero because that means i'm writing into my script that like and then he wins the fucking emmy you know it's like and but in reality like well you're not fucking good enough to do that yeah well i think that's that depends on who the writer is i don't suspect that you or i would ever have uh ourselves come out looking good in a show. Right. I like being the butt of the joke.

I know. I would also like to be the hero sometimes, though. No, I'll do that once this show takes off and I get a role in Fast 10. Oh, right. And then you'll be the hero. You'll be in space. You'll be fighting off the dinosaurs. I'll be the new Dominic Toretto when he dies in Fast 10.

There's a healthy dose of Fast and the Furious talk. Just so you know, there's this fucking guy Dom never told you about. The one guy Dom Toretto's afraid of. It's him and Paul Walker's brother. We got Carly coming up. Carly Eccolino. We talk about Fast and the Furious with her and Jurassic Park and all sorts of shit. So we'll check that out.

But let's do our last voicemail first. Our last voicemail is brought to you by Cuts Clothing. Fellas, I mean, we've been talking about forever, right? We've been talking about Cuts forever. Shout out to Squints. If you're looking for an easy to, yep, give me that dollar. I'm going to take out that IOU. This right here is the jar fund.

So there you go. 99 left. Cuts Clothing. This right here is the jar fund. There you go. 99 left. Cuts clothing. If you're looking for quality clothing that looks sharp, that's comfortable, that fits right, and that's easy to always fits in. You will never wear a Cuts clothing shirt somewhere and have people be like, that's so last year. That's a guarantee. That's so out of style. Oh oh that's so 2000 and late uh you you will always be in style punch them right in the face yeah then wearing your cuts clothing shirt you beat them to death uh

cuts clothing you got the simple clothes simple colors that are always staples white black gray navy uh like all the tan like everything you need that will always go with your jeans and your black pants and your black shoes, all that. Then they've got the crew necks. I think crew necks are – I think V-necks are maybe a little bit – I think V-necks are dicey these days. Yeah. I don't want to say they're out because V-necks are kind of basic too. But I think you roll up to a place with a V-neck these days. You're a little bit late.

Yeah. You definitely can't be doing deep V kind of stuff. No, that's what I mean. Even like – even they have the classic where it's just like a little v yeah you can do it i i wouldn't anymore right now i would go with the crew or i would go with the henley i always love a good henley um and so then and then the bottom they've got the the split hem and the elongated the scoop cut uh so you basically pick your color your top and your bottom they've got the long sleeve cheese the short tees, the short-sleeved tees. They've got the hoodies.

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Go to CutsClothing.com slash Clancy and get 15% off the only shirt worth wearing. That's CutsClothing.com slash Clancy. Hey, KFC. Fight. First-time caller. I had to share this same story. So I just moved to a new city about a month ago for work. I have no friends.

Don't really know anyone. I work in the restaurant industry. And I meet a chick on a dating app, and she wants to hang out one night that I happen to be working at this new job. And because it's such a new job, I can't really call out or take time off, you know, just be a bad look. So me, being the scent that I was, not even dating this girl, never even met her, basic conversation over text, you know, back and forth on the dating app, swapped a few texts. I try to get someone to cover my shift and no one will cover my shift. None of the workers, no one. I look for every way out and eventually I resort to offering money for someone to cover my shift. I started like $50, no takers.

No one wants to work this shift. So I keep upping it and upping it until I get to like $120 that I pay, more than I would even probably make on the shift. And I pay $120 for someone to cover my shift just to hang out with a girl that I've never even met. It ended up going well, but just incredible. Thanks. I mean, dude's horny. Dude's $120 worth of horny, right?

This depends. There's two major things here that matter one i think is like your personal situation like i mean if you're in like a crazy bad drought or something or you're really depressed or you haven't gotten laid or or something to that effect you gotta do what you gotta do i also think much like i mean paying paying money to be able to go on a date is always going to be come across as kind of simpy and, like, lame. But it's kind of like, bro, I'd pay money to not work. I don't know if I'd pay money to go on a date.

I'd pay money to not work, though. Well, but he just said he would have, like, he, like, lost money. What did he say? He said he wouldn't have even made $120 on the shift. I would pay more than I'd make on a shift to not go work. Well, of course, that's how it works, though. It's like, why would I take your shift for $50? It's not how much I'm going to...

Unless you really make dirt money. It's like, you need to pay me enough for that fucking work. You know, like, I got to get, like, a dime and a half. I got to get double time, basically. $50 is not worth a day of work for a shift of work. I completely agree with that. So, no wonder you had to go higher than that. I'm just just thinking that like paying money is is always going to be a little bit lame but there are these things where it's like it's a fine line between like cute and you know

you went out on a limb went out of your way for me and like you're you're a down bad simp i think this is kind of cute that's what i mean i feel like you know he maybe it's weird that he never met her but it's like if a girl and and and it's like tom brady on that snl skit where it's like are you good looking or ugly you know if a girl finds out that a dude like risked his job and had and did went to the ends of the earth to have somebody cover for him so that he could go on a date with me that should be pretty flattering but since girls are fucking assholes you'd be like oh actually uh that's super unattractive and i'm never gonna fuck you what's that you try hard for me desperate fuck

off yeah i love when people like that's you're such a try hard it's like yeah i really put in a lot of effort on this what what an asshole you know i really i put in such effort to try to make our date good what a fucking loser i am you assholes uh so i thought he was gonna say like you just had her come hang out at the restaurant which is what i would have done i didn't know it would have been cute too you know what like if you hang out i'll fucking pour you drinks what was he he's a bartender yeah he seemed like you see he works in the restaurant okay let's say he's a bartender you have you you tell this girl uh you tell this girl like we're gonna have a date at this spot right and she walks in and you got

like a little place set up at the corner of the bar at the end of the bar all everything set up nicely for dinner with like a little fucking flower or whatever and you serve her drinks and bring her dinner out there and you chit chat with her in between slinging as long as it's not like a mob scene yeah all of a sudden it becomes like the cutest most memorable date ever again that would probably ruin the relationship with the rest of your coworkers. This guy's a fucking loser. Yeah, definitely. They would hate you for it. If you did all that, if you just had her sit there quietly,

you'd probably get away with it. Yeah. But if you're doing all that, they'd probably be like, fuck this guy. He's like, he probably didn't even check her. The tipsy pool probably should be body at the tip. It's fucking bullies. But most of his time on that, he's added nothing to the pool. That probably gets you in trouble.

Yeah, probably. But yeah, maybe you don't have to go above and beyond if it was just like i'm gonna give you all the attention at the bar it's like like flirting with a bartender guy or girl is one of the funnest things you can do right so you're gonna get that's our date you know we're gonna flirt like as if we don't know each other except it's our you know second first date or whatever this is this is a this this guy if he played his cards right, the problem is he thinks he's a simp. If you're calling up and saying, I simped and did this and I simped and did that, well, then you probably

were a simp and you probably did it like a pussy. If you do it like, yeah, no, this is like a creative thing that I'm going to do the girl's going to like, then maybe she'll like it. She's not going to like it if you're like, oh, I'm a simp. Can I chime in? Yeah, of course. I think that on the first date that's a simp it it's cute if it's like the second or if you already know but then if it's the first it's like why are you trying so hard

you don't even know me but well what if but what uh would you rather i mean also i think the answer here is like you just reschedule no yeah like if you were if you were if you had a hinge date and you were just like sorry i thought i was free on tuesday but i am not like cancel last minute but again if you're that might be like see you never i don't know it depends on uh yeah i don't know how those i know i would be totally fine with something like that yeah we'll do it tomorrow right thursday we'll do it right i i don't get any of that i wish part of me wants to do like a hinge dating thing just to know what the fuck you guys are doing i'm so foreign to me the entire part of me does not want to do yeah i don't really want to either but i i would like to know i would like

it's nothing against people who do it it's just that i do not possess i just wish every time we do this i have to like i have to put out the disclaimer like I miss this era, and I don't really engage in it now. But the notion of just like, I go on four, minimum four anonymous dates a week is crazy. It's insane. But it's totally commonplace now. I would have nothing to do other than nap. Yeah, because it's like date and nap. That's it.

That's so draining. That takes so much out of that takes you know what's worse if the dates are going good it's like it was great man we drank all night we went home i went back to her place like 18 hours later i did it again with someone else went back to her place next thing you know it's the weekend now you just gotta go hang out your friends no things have got people their absolute hell oh it is like it sounds exhausting like truly genuine i would not have time to work yeah that's what I did. It's not easy.

Look, I talked for three hours last night. And that's the thing, too. It's like when you're dating someone, the nights that you hang out with them is like we just sit on the couch and watch TV. These are dates where you're supposed to be engaging and asking questions and listening, you know, dressing up, spending money. Too much. Too much.

They're giving me a lot of color on my skin right now. I'm like, I don't have that much attention for you. Fucking dating losers. Who dates losers? All right. Carly Aquilino is here. She's my internet wife. I love this woman because she is just one of the best in the game.

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You are tan as fuck. Yeah, you are tan. Is this fake tan or real tan or what? No, this is real. You just have a consonant last name? It just happens. Vow. Vow.

I get it messed up. I'm not smart. As soon as Memorial Day hits, it's just like, I'm tan as hell. Right, it just changes. You have olive skin. I went to Miami like three weeks ago, and I thought I lost it. So it feels good to hear that. No, you're glowing right now.

You might be pregnant, actually. I thought I lost it. Let's not. Let's hope not. Right. Right. Let's hope that's just a tan. Fingers crossed.

Yeah, fuck. Lost it. What? Lost it. I thought I lost it. This is going to be the worst summer ever for me. Why? It's the fattest I've ever been.

Not like I'm going to go anywhere or be like gallivanting around the beach, but this is going to be a fat, pale summer. All right, all right. When was the last time you didn't have a fat, pale summer? Like, I haven't had a non-fat pale summer in 70 years. I've had skinny fat pale summers my whole life. We are now officially into fat pale summers, okay? Like the opposite of hot girl summer.

Yes. Fat pale summer. My white boy summer shirt came in the mail the other day. My Chad Hayes shirt is officially here, and it's even more Aryan Nation than you can imagine. Why? Because it's fun. Yes. I know that was a thing, so it wasn't a surprise, but I was like, oh, this is officially just a joke shirt.

It will not be. I thought it was like, I'll wear it to the beach. I'll wear it as a joke at a party. No. No. That will go right in the garbage. You put it on for Zoom Zoom calls and that's it? Honestly.

Zoom calls with the veiled prophets. You hear about that? You hear about how Aaron from The Office is in KKK? What? Oh, yeah. Twitter has decided. Boom. Aaron from The Office, KKK.

She won, listen to this. In 1999, she was 19 years old. She comes from money. Old money in the south. She has that vibe. St. Louis, Missouri, right? She won Queen of the Veiled Prophets Ball. Okay.

And there's pictures of her wearing very, very. It's not like a. Well, let me show you the one picture. She is dressed in like when I tell you it's like KKK thing, you're going to see it. But you probably wouldn't see it on just her you probably you know if you weren't but then the dude next to her has this veil on that I was like

I don't know what the fuck that is but it is not good yeah so then they they change the name in 1990 so this thing was established in 1878 100% yeah that's how you know anything in the 1800s This thing was established in 1878. A hundred percent. Yeah. That's how you know.

Anything in the 1800s. Yeah, no. We got to keep them. Anything like that. Anything before color TV existed. And then even some of that still. Yeah. A little much. A little much.

You know, that's like, okay, right? It's not crazy. Let me find the veil, though. That dude is fucking creepy. So it was created to- Has she said anything about it? No, and that's why she's probably going to speak up soon. It was

to celebrate the existing power structure. They didn't let black people in until 1979. That was not that long ago. Bro, look at that dude. Oh, okay.

Honestly, I tip my cap to them for just even allowing black people because this kind of establishment right here they were still not black allowed to be like well yeah that makes sense like first of all what black people wanted to go who are the people like yeah let me sign me up they changed it to the fairs point ball instead of the prophets ball and now she won queen of love and beauty not queen of the profits ball i'm saying that like uh probably still has some old white men who are still racist i don't think right i think by the time she was doing it she was like i want to be queen prom prom queen you know right so i don't think she's like a grand wizard but uh yeah i think she should definitely be like no i went to a debutante ball which isn't

all much better i imagine and just went into the wrong gallery that's kind of what it's like it's like when you crush the girl from the bachelor got in trouble for the debutante ball it's like yeah okay there are some like weird ties to it from the past but i'm not i'm just like a dumb southern girl it's about a guy right she really should start her video with that. Guys. Just like, guys. She's got to say something. Quite literally one of the last people on earth I would ever... Which also leads me to believe maybe true, because sometimes it is that person.

I actually hope she never says anything. When was the last time you thought of Erin from The Office? Guess who's fucking back in the headlines, baby. She's got Kimmy Schmidt, but that's about being in a cult and breaking away from it. But even Kimmy Schmidt, they haven't had a new season of that.

I think it's done now. I think they did the last one a couple years ago, but I liked that show. It was a good show. And she was good on The Office. Okay, but here's what's crazy. No, she wasn't good on The Office. Hang on. I almost let you skate on that one. No. She was very frustrating. Why? Because one. No, she was very frustrating. Why?

Because she was like, that was her character. See, I hated Ryan, too. And people were like, well, that was his character. I know. I hated it. Right. The actor did a fine job. Right.

I did not care for the character itself. The character, right. I mean, she was, she is the, the maybe I don't know. Maybe that's who you would use to hide. Like, we're going to infiltrate Hollywood. Right. This is the tweet that that like went super viral that like really started this. It just says Ellie Kemper, the actress who played Aaron Hannon on The Office and started on Brickable Community Smith, has been outed as a KKK princess.

That nope. Just a picture of her. No link. No, no. Yeah. And like someone just said that and it got No link, no evidence. It's her headshot. Someone just said that, and it got 6,000 retweets. Right.

How scary is that? I could just do that tomorrow. Carly Aquilino fucking is a murderer. Bam, 20,000 retweets. I'm going to do that, by the way. Tomorrow we're going to do that. When this shit comes out, we're going to see if we can get that going tomorrow. Yeah, that would be nice.

I actually, now that you've mentioned her full name, I did see her name this morning about this ellie kemper and i my head went to edmund kemper yeah from mindhunter the guy who fucked his mom's head yeah that's not a good one to be attracted i was like i was like oh yeah that makes sense edmund kemper was for sure in that no i didn't put you in ellie she's uh she's gonna say something she's got i know you don't like you don't want to dignify the rumors. You don't want to stoop. You've got to come out and be like, no, bro. But it's really not a rumor if there's proof of it. And you were the queen of it.

The queen of the prophecy. She wasn't just there. She was the queen. Also, you know what I'm thinking? That's not, maybe it's not the KKK, but it's something. It's something. I mean, it's visually something. They don't hide it. They're like, I believe from what I, the quick like thread I read was it was railroad strikers went on, railroad workers went on strike in 1800s, whatever it was.

And then just like the St. Louis elites were just like, yeah, that's not going to happen. So they just like took to the streets to get violent with everyone. Oh, wow. And not everyone. We know. Well, actually, it was. The threat I did read was it was actually an interracial strike. It was both black and white people.

Ain't that great. We're not working. I take one look at a veil or those outfits, and I'm like, this is either a sex cult or a racist cult or a murder cult. All of the above. Yeah. Why are you covering your face? Yeah.

What's going on? When I see like a bride with a veil, I'm like, oh, creepy. You're fucking scaring me. Show me your fucking face. Show me your face. I don't like it. What do you think's under there? Just not the girl you're talking about.

A racist white woman, probably. Kevin got married and was so confused the whole walk down. He's like, he's got his hands behind his back on the altar with his fingers crossed. Like, boy, I hope that's her. I suppose I do. I suppose I do. I watched a scary movie

last night. I hope that's her, not David Duke coming down. I watched a scary movie last night. I don't think I can do scary movies anymore. Which one?

I'm such a pussy. It's the new one on Netflix called, it's a stupid title, like, i am who not who you thought i am or something like that okay it's got amanda cypher cypher you didn't love her uh it was it was pretty good it had some corny moments but you get spooked out like you can't watch it alone yeah kind of like um it's it's just like i i i just like torture myself a

little bit you know what i mean that's? Why am I doing this to myself? You don't like them either? I used to love them. I just don't get the point of them. Like Halloween season? Sure. I'll get down with it. Yeah.

We're getting spooky. It's spooky season. But like just on a fucking Memorial Day weekend? I'm too busy thinking about the troops for horror movies. It's called Things Heard things heard and seen by the way it's cool i've had francis scott keys on repeat for a fucking 17 hours i'm not doing the conjuring tonight i the one the the last one for me was hereditary i watched that one oh my god i was like alone and i was like i was like i what I doing? I'm sitting here like wringing my hands and freaking out.

Hereditary was a different type of scary movie too. It was like an eerie, that little girl in there. To bring it back, that's why I don't like little girls and I don't like old women. In the world of scary movies to me, girls and old women freak me out. Kevin's like, you have a vagina. You got a 15-year window in me. That's it. Otherwise, you terrify me.

After that, go fuck yourself. Honestly, I'm getting like there's been times. It makes sense. What do you need from little girls and old women? Nothing. As a guy, you do nothing. Like Shay will scare me sometimes, and then old women creep me out. I just.

Shay will scare me. I think you're right. Little girls in scary movies, they're never good. They're never good. They're always ghosts. Or they know. They're always ghosts.

Yeah. Like, I do believe... Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. So I think if there are ghosts, that, like, kids would be the ones who could see it or hear it. Yeah, they say that.

Or wouldn't be scared, right? Because they're dumb, so they would, like, go talk to it or whatever. But there have been times where Shay has said things to me, like like the boy in the they're the boy back there and i'm like what it's like yeah i was playing and i'm like it's probably just an imaginary friend yeah go to your room with your boy and fucking lock it and keep them in there

i don't want it out here yeah daddy's watching fucking uh rom-com yeah too scared that like how many times let's say you had a house, because in this movie they moved to this fucking house that's, like, so goddamn haunted, you know? Of course. So if you moved into a house

that was, like, creepy, and let's say you got a family, or let's say there's a creepy neighbor, whatever, how long, like, what would have to happen for you to legit be like,

you know what? I'm moving. I know I just bought it, but I'm fucking moving. It would take a lot. Right? It would take a lot. Yeah, it would take a lot. Because I'm kind of with just bought it but i'm fucking moving it would take a lot right a lot yeah it would take a lot because because well i'm kind of with you like i don't think it would but then if it's like i just paid the down payment and then i gotta sell this i'm gonna take a bath on it the market's dead like exactly and like you got a good deal on it because

it's haunted yeah they always get a good it's always like a haunted mansion it's never like a haunted one bedroom 25 bedroom only cost like 125 grand i wonder why yeah i would just be cool i would just you would just live with the haunting yeah i wouldn't care i feel like they're touching you well that's okay so what would it take would it have to be like like if if every night the lights flickered that's fine okay if every night like if the lights started to like the lights just like blow up, the bulbs just pop. That would be fine. OK, what about don't wake you up? What about last night? My girlfriend was coughing a lot.

I was broke up with her. If the lights are going off all the time, like I'm trying to sleep right now. If the lights are going off the whole time, I'd fucking be out of there. So, OK, here's one. You hear the piano playing and then you pop your head in the room. Nice. Now we're talking amenities. It would have to be like.

A song you hate? Like I feel suffocated. Like you know how people tell ghost stories and they're like, oh, I couldn't breathe. That would bother me. But the other stuff. The lights popping. Yeah. The lights popping.

Whatever. The piano can be playing and you pop your head in. No one's there. You're cool? Yeah. No, that would be nice. I would like wonder who that ghost is. You're a fucking freak.

If it's a famous ghost In this one, they kind of, there's like, spoiler alert, but there's like good ones and bad ones kind of. So like at one point

she's kind of like cool with one of them and like who's to say that all ghosts are bad, you know? Yeah, I would be friends with, I would just be like, okay, cool.

What if you were a ghost, who would you haunt? Ooh, Gwyneth Paltrow. Wow, you have that. I think she has it a little too easy. Yeah, okay. I would just like knock stuff over in her studio. Inconvenience Gwyneth Paltrow. Yeah, that's what I would do.

She does kind of have it easy. She just says like, she puts out vibrators and says dumb things. Pussy candles. Exactly. You just always blow out her pussy candle. Guess what, Gwyneth? You don't get to smell your own snatch tonight. Snatch?

I haven't said snatch in a while. It felt good coming off the tongue. It felt bad coming into mine. I was like, wow, I can taste that. It felt like a whole nother year. She should call that like blow out my snatch. It should be called smell my snatch. Oh, my God.

Smell my snatch. Lord Snatch is like a Thanksgiving meal. Like, once a year. After that, it becomes a little grotesque. She had a turkey dinner again. You're eating stuffing in July? No way. Gwyneth just, I feel like she says things that are obvious or people know.

And everyone's like, ooh, Gwyneth Paltrow said she likes orgasms. I'm fucking kidding. Like that they're healthy for you. They're good for you. Like an orgasm a day. She does seem like one of those people who would do weird stuff with her blood and cum or whatever. Like, I put it on my skin to make my face feel young. Shut up, Gwyneth.

Yeah. Gwyneth would be thrilled to get haunted by you. I've been trying to get someone to seep the blood out of my face she would love to be haunted she would talk about it all the time it would be the next Goof's number one story alright so Gwyneth and you would just

inconvenience her yeah I would just fuck with her would you a lot of times girls answer this with exes they're like I would haunt the fuck out of him no right no I'm cool he's haunted already I don't want to A lot of times girls answer this with exes. They're like, I would haunt the fuck out of him. No, right? No, I'm cool. He's haunted already. I don't want to haunt him.

Or it's like, I already ruined his life. I already broke him. No, it would have to be someone that you've never met. It's fun that way. Who would you want to haunt? Because part of being a ghost is too, you could also just get into someone's house and chill and watch them and shit, watch them live.

Who would you do that with? Wow. Number one, Brad Pitt. Yeah, right? Number two, The Rock. Yeah? Oh, I have a question for you. I would love to be a ghost in his gym.

Just watch him work out? Yeah. I want to be a ghost with The Rock to catch him doing some shit. Because I'm on a lifelong quest to find someone that will say something bad about The Rock we just need to get Vin Diesel in here he's the only one Vin Diesel I swear to god one day they have a rivalry

that's why The Rock started his own movie he couldn't be on Fast and Furious anymore they couldn't be on the set together I never knew that they did scenes together where they weren't on set together oh my god I swear to god I think that says a lot more together where they weren't on set together. It was just like they would... Oh my god. I swear to god, I think that says a lot more about The Rock than anything.

I think that Vin Diesel one day might be vindicated. And he's gonna be like I was telling you motherfuckers! I knew this Dwayne I knew he was a fraud or something. I don't think they've ever said. It was basically just like he came in and he was... I don't even think you can fault either one for this.

I think Vin Diesel was like, this is my shit. I'm the Fast and Furious guy. The Rock came in and reinvigorated the franchise. And then they were like, no, you're not part of the family. Oh my god. Don't make a face like that. Family's important in the Fast and Furious. You're talking to the one.

This is his life. No, no, no. This is serious shit for him. Stop laughing. What are you laughing about right now? He is dead the one. This is his life. No, no, no. This is serious shit for him. Stop laughing. What are you laughing about right now? He is dead ass serious. He will kick you out of the studio. Why are you laughing so much about, I don't know, the most successful movie franchise

of all time? That is. It's got nine fucking movies. It doesn't mean it's successful. It makes like a billion dollars a movie. It literally does mean it's successful. It doesn't mean it's good good but it means it's successful right right

you're right they're garbage I've never seen one it's just things oh boy we're gonna have a watch party one night I've seen like

bits and pieces here and I promised him since he's like my platonic life partner here that I will you know when you like watch movies for your spouse like alright I'll watch it for you

I told him I'm gonna watch all these movies but I got nine to watch eight and then the ninth is coming out. The ninth is coming out. Right. So I got to catch up on eight so I could watch the ninth.

So I got my work cut out for me. So we're thinking about getting a bunch of 3G, a bunch of drugs and fucking snacks and just like banging out eight movies. Yeah. I want to do that with Star Wars. I've never seen it. Not worth it. Not worth it?

Do it with Fast instead. Okay. Come on to the Fast and Furious watch party. Classic. The Star Wars is like three for 11. Right. That's what I hear. The very first three and then the rest and these like spin-offs.

I mean, everyone's always kind of disappointed. Right. I already nailed it. Like killed it. You know? Nobody says that. People always like people that love it are like, all right, here's what you got to it. You know? Nobody says that. People always, like, people that love it are like, all right, here's what you got to do. You got to watch the fourth one, the third one, and then the sixth one.

I'm like, what? That seems just too much. Yeah. To me, they're just living off the name and, like, the characters and shit. It's like, this is the same shit over and over again. Yeah. Not very good. Right.

Yeah, like, Fast, they do different things. Fast is good. Every time. shit over and over again. Not very good. Right. Yeah, like Fast, they do different things. Fast is good. Every time. It's like, oh. Totally, yeah. In the first one, they were staying like... They are going to space. Going to space now. This one goes to space. Wait, Fast and Furious is going to space? I love that. They've already surpassed that

in the sense that they are in discussion now to have a collaboration crossover world with Jurassic Park. Wow. Okay. Yeah, Universal Studios wants it. They want a crossover. You love it.

The only thing they need then. Dominic Toretto riding his charger up a T-Rex's fucking spine into a Stegosaurus's head. That's gonna happen. Wow. That's going to happen. Wow. Wow. What a move.

Wow. And then I think the final, then you integrate with Independence Day, and you have like full-blown aliens. Full-blown aliens, yeah. That's it, done. So they're just going to keep doing it. All for a franchise. Started a real fucking rags-to-riches story.

Oh, yeah. When this series started, they were stealing TVs with VCRs built into them. And now we're fighting dinosaurs. Right. Yeah. You want to talk about a fantasy world,

we're limited. Fuck Star Wars, man. We're getting to the point where Star Wars is more believable than Fast and Furious, bro. That's crazy. What's your favorite movie

of all time? Oh, my favorite movie of all time? Oh, my favorite movie of all time? Oh, wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Back up real quick. Okay. I want to go back to a previous question. Okay.

Who you would haunt. Did you have to disavow Andrew Cuomo? Are you still on that? I mean, yeah. Yeah, right? You got him. That kind of killed your crush, huh? What am I going to do?

Yeah. Be like, no, I love that. Carly was a huge Cuomo guy. She was trying to fuck him for a while. I've decided, yeah. Like openly like tagging him on Twitter, being like,

I want to fuck you. Like there was like months worth of his Instagram where I was like, I like you on all of his pictures. Like I commented. Not even I want to fuck you, like I want to have like a nice Italian dinner with you. No, like I want to,

I want to date you. Yeah, I want to be like his wife. Like I'll be your Italian wife. Right. I want my stepchildren to be the same age as me. You know what I'm saying? And now he turned out to be a genocidal old person,

murderer, like, groper. Right, and I'm just like, I can't stand by him like that. Part of being in those, you know, Italian marriages, like, you look the other way on what, you know, your man does at work. Right, but we weren't married yet. Right. So, okay, what, you know, your man does at work. Right, but we weren't married yet. Right. So, okay.

What if you started dating Cuomo when you had your crush at the beginning of Corona? Right. And then he turned into a genocidal maniac who gropes women? I would be like, you're not who I thought you were. I thought you were like this quirky, silly. You are not who I thought you were because I thought you were a down-ass bitch. But apparently you're not. No, not in that way.

I wouldn't. Dump your man who murders people and gropes them. You're fucking ridiculous. That was a hard realization for me to just accept it. But I can't just ride for him now. I can't be like, no, that's my guy.

You know what? In my mind, he's getting rid of old women and he's fucking up little girls. So I don't know. Maybe he and him are simpatico. Right, right. I think it's harder, too, for women with men. Because if I like Taylor Swift would be my Cuomo, I imagine. Right.

Love her. Love her. How could you not? And some fucked up stuff came out that she was just like killing old women. You could still be down for her. I could still absolutely be down for her. Because she's a chick, right? Yeah.

Yeah. There's a difference. I can be like, look, that's my... My woman's fucking breaking through the glass ceiling. Yeah. Now ladies are doing fucked up stuff. That's my girl right there. What if she was like a black widow?

Like she kills like the guy she's with instead of writing songs about him. What if she fucking killed him? Even better for you, right right We call that a win win And I'm really throwing myself at her feet That's a good way to go out Kevin just asked What if I gave you a scoop of ice cream with this cake What would you want to be murdered by

If you could be murdered by someone I would love Brad Pitt to murder me. For sure. With his dick. Yeah. In the bedroom. I would let him stab me. I would let him run me over with a car.

And I'm not kidding. That's not like a, oh, I would let him run. No, I really would. What about like a slow, painful, torturous death? I would love for him to do that. Even better. Do you want to know why just because I really want to meet him

like it would be worth it just can I get a selfie for the gram before I'm dead yeah it's fine it's also better than any other way

I'm going to like die from like falling you know what I'm saying it's just I'd rather him kill me you're going to die running around that apartment of yours

showing off your speed and your sketchers or whatever you're from outer space man Carly follow her on Instagram and watch her stories speed and your sketchers or whatever. You're from outer space, man. Carly, follow her on Instagram and watch her stories. You and your mother are from outer space.

You two need to fucking show. And it basically should just be your Instagram stories. Fucking wackos. She's been on just a few things that I've done before. Because they're like, oh, your mom's funny. Oh, they're on camera? Yeah. And then we did a Girl Code reunion last year. And they filmed something with with her and they ended up not putting it in the episode she was screaming like at my grandma the whole time and i was like ma you got like i can't

believe you did that she was like oh well i didn't know because my grandma was like they live together and my grandma was together well yeah my parents like take care of her. Right. But I guess I don't know what it was. So you got to move in and make the dream. But they were fighting. They were fighting. I wouldn't last. I wouldn't last. We have a question coming up.

We'll do answer the internet a little bit. Oh, God. I'm interested to hear that answer. The Aquilino family has got to be a fucking zoo. Three ring circus in that house. Yeah. What's good with you back on stage, back on the road, back out there? Yeah, the clubs just opened back up in the city.

It feels normal again. Last week was the first show that I was like, wow, I got choked up. Because they're filling the crowd. Because I'm back to work. Imagine if we walked in the studio and I was like, we're back and doing a podcast. It just feels good to have people in there. Before that, it was like six people. It's full now?

It's close to full. But everybody's got to be vaccinated. They check. Oh, vaccinated? You got to have the passport? Oh, I didn't know that. There's also an app. At the club?

Yeah, they check. And people, not just the acts, not just the performers? Oh, I didn't know that. There's also an app. At the door? Yeah, they check. And people, not just the act, not just the performers. No, everyone. Everyone. That's how they are doing it. Where like, you don't have to wear a mask. I think that's fair. I know that's a big point of contention with like, I shouldn't have to.

It's like against your freedoms or some shit. But it's like, I don't know. I'm just fucking sure. You show your ID and you show your ID. I'm like, I've done so much worse in my life. Yeah. Come on. It's fine.

Didn't they say the Knicks were going to do that the second round, only sell the vaccinated tickets? Well, they had the... It's not going to be a problem, but... Yeah, I guess they had the two different sections, but now they're just... I think the second round, which again, doesn't look promising.

I think that's why they're saying it. Let's get credit for being pro-vax. We're only selling to vaccinated people. Yeah, I mean, that could very well be. I don't know. I guess I didn't think about having to bring around that little passport. There's an app that I don't have yet, but I saw people using it

where it's in like Apple Wallet or something and you can upload your vax card. This is where it starts. Exactly. Because that's what it's going to be. I hated when they give you, first of all, the card that they gave you after you were vaccinated. It's not the size of a card. It's too big.

It can't fit in a wallet. It doesn't fit in my wallet. It was so annoying. And it's an index card. It's like, this is gigantic. What am I supposed to do? It could have been like this at least or something. It's like a piece of fucking paper. It's a full piece of paper.

I'm sure we can just fake these, right? Why does Jamba Juice have a better system than you? You couldn't just punch it. Like it should be a punch card. It bothered me so much. Or just on the fucking phone. And they were adamant about like, don't laminate this. Like first of all, what am I, a nerd?

Let me just, wait, wait, wait. I had my lamination machine out and I was about to before I read the warning. Right, it was so weird. I hate that fucking card. I have to carry it on my passport wallet. It's too big. Why won't they let you laminate it?

Because I think there's going to be a booster shot. Oh, so they're going to have to write on it again? So they're going to have to write on it again. Again, would have been fixed if there was a punch hole. It's a punch hole? It makes a lot of sense. It was one of the shocking things of my entire life. Here it is. This is your life now.

I still had the card. Now don't get me wrong, when I showed up for the second shot, I did not have it, so I had to go back home, but I just didn't lose it. I knew where it was, I just forgot to bring it. I have a little safe at home. I put it in there. Put it in a safe? I don't know. I got a little safe with my kids' shit. What do you get a safe for? My kids' shit. Like bad fucking

birth certificates and social security. My kids art. My macaroni necklace. Throw it in there. Is that what thieves break into steal? Children's social security cards? I don't know. I have birth certificates.

I just went to the file cabinet. That's such a dad thing. Passports and a fucking diamond. I have a diamond sitting in there. Just throw that thing in the fucking gutter. And then I have something from my Hyundai fucking Tucson.

I kept some paperwork from my lease car. Some type of manual. I feel like dads have filing cabinets. Except for the diamond. Get a folder. Get one folder. didn't need a safe Get one folder

It just says files It's like this big Like you could just Pick it up and go You could literally Just put it under your arm And walk out And probably like

Just bang it on the ground And open it up And take my passport That's the thing too Well you're the kid Who almost You were willing to Sell your passport

So You were willing to Sell a fake passport Yeah well either way You were willing to do Like a fucking 30 year bid For like 5 grand sell your passport? A fake passport. Yeah, well, either way. You were willing to do like a fucking 30-year bid for like five grand for your passport. Wait, somebody was going to buy your passport? I had, when I was underage, I had a real passport of someone who looked like me.

And I was at a party at Rollins College in Orlando, which is a bunch of just- Oh, boy. Yeah, a bunch of- I don't know it, but I can imagine it. Rich kids with fucking lots of money for drugs and one of them was a drug smuggler of sorts i guess and he's like he's like you had a passport it's not you and i was like yeah he's like can i have that and i was like that's gold how much and like i forget the number it was between 10 and 20 grand and i was like a sophomore or junior

in college which is all the money in the world and then i didn't sell it because i kind of knew the guy who it was. And I was like, that would be really fucked up to do. So I did. Yeah, you're basically making that guy into a drug smuggler. He gets caught. That guy's dead. One of the nicest things I've ever done in my life.

But I really thought about it. Why did you have his? I don't know. I don't know. I would have told him, like, hey, you want to split 20 grand? I'm going to sell your identity to this drug smuggler. It wasn't like he gave it to me, though. It came to me through nefarious ways.

Oh, OK. So you stole it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't steal it personally, but it was stolen from him and given to me. What would you how much money for you to sell your to sell my passport? I feel like it would have to be a lot.

It would have to be. I think that people do what we do. And keep it valid and not like cancel it. It would have to be a lot because would have to be i think that people do what we do valid and not like cancel it it would have to be a lot because you don't know what people are doing right but the whole thing wouldn't it be great i think people who do what we do are in a good position where you can be like my shit got like stolen i'm obviously not a fucking drug smuggler right but you catch me at the club every night yeah but if you're selling it it would have to be valid they would have to be because so you couldn't cancel it and be like, no, no, no. But I'm saying if so you sell it, you get your cash.

Eventually, like the cops catch them or whatever. And they're like, you're implicated in this. You could be like, I lost that. Yeah, I lost it. You know, and like, who knows where their passport is? I'm a known person. Right. This guy.

No, not you. I lost mine a couple of years ago. Because it should be fucking safe. You children. You're like, I know exactly where my daughter's birth certificate is. It's above my daughter's birth certificate.

to get in. Yes. 100%. That's so funny that you're safe, you could pick up and carry it out of the room. It's no heavier than this.

Did you buy it from the Sky Mall or something? I wish I knew. I think I probably just ordered it. That I don't remember. That's something I've wanted to...

That was something at the time my wife told me to get it, I think. Whatever, fucking here's the thing. Right, yeah. Because it would have, ordinarily it would be, well ordinarily it would be lost. It makes sense. Ordinarily, it was actually, it was actually, fuck you guys, my safe is great. You should put

a couple bricks in it. You should put like just a way in down. Now that you've told everyone that there's a diamond in it. Oh fuck, or that. Yeah. Throw a couple bricks in. I needed to get...

I'm just being straight, Matt, for no fucking reason. Like, I have them on me. Here. We're in the safe. I needed to get Keegan's birth certificate the other day, and I had it because of the safe.

Right. They were like, we're going to need his birth certificate, and I was like, that's going to be a problem. Who knows where the fuck his birth certificate is? I don't know. I had it because of the safe. Right. They were like, we're going to need his birth certificate. And I was like, that's going to be a problem. Who knows where the fuck his birth certificate is? I don't know. I had it in my safe.

That's got to be. What I don't have is my social security card. Is that something that people have? No. I mean, they shouldn't even give those away. That's another one that's like. Nobody has them. Those are like they ripped off our.

My dad has mine. Perforated. Yes. Yeah. My dad has mine. I'm supposed to have my – I have my kids. I don't have my own shit. Right.

Right. Yeah. As a parent, I feel like it must be really hard to be organized. Like I don't even know where my stuff is. Oh, it's the worst. I can't imagine. It's the worst. People are like – people worry about the big picture stuff.

I'm worried about the little things. Right. Yeah. I'm not going to be able to get you enrolled in school because I don't know all these facts and shit. Right. Yeah. That's crazy. It's like Nate Fargassi has been in his new special about

don't ever call the dad. If you need information for the kid, don't call the dad. But I'm like, I had the paperwork. It's a whole fucking thing. So you're back at it. It's in the safe. Yeah, it's in the safe. I'll give you guys the fucking code if you want.

Yeah, I'm back at it. And it's been fun. It's been nice. What's new? Any new projects that you like? Like, I mean, I think you're such an interesting person because you're kind of like stand-up comic, but you've always been on TV with Girl Code and shit. You've been on TV for, like, forever now, right? For a while, yeah.

A long time, right? Girl Code came out so long ago. When I think about it, I'm like, wow. What were you, like, 18? Like, time flies. You must have been young. I was 21. 21, yeah. Crazy, wow. What were you, like 18? Like, time flies. You must have been young. I was 21. Yeah.

Crazy. Yeah. Crazy. So I feel like you can kind of do, you're not like pigeonholed into one thing. Yeah. Because some people probably know you from that. Some people know you from this. Yeah.

I do a bunch of different stuff. Made your little movie debut. You popped in that one. Yeah, I popped in. I said, hi. This is as much as I'm capable of doing. That scene was good, though, because it was so natural. I bet you you could do

like a full movie if the whole thing was like it's going to be natural. With my friends. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, because that's what it was. That would be like the best

best case scenario. Actually, I don't know. That's one of those things where it's like that would be really funny if it's all friends and just a natural and then you watch it

like this movie sucks. Like I need it to be unrealistic. This is something that there are seven of us who find funny. Yeah. Only the friends in it. If I did it with my friends, it would be the funniest thing

I've ever seen in my life and literally everyone else on the planet would hate it. They'd hate it. They'd be like, fuck all of these people. You know, little things like... They'd all get fired.

You didn't even do anything wrong. You didn't even say anything wrong. It was just... It just sucks. It was not appealing. It was just bad. I just don't want to see you in the office anymore.

It left a bad taste in my mouth. I think that like uh little things too when people always pick out like the unrealistic things in movies like where you just like hang up and you don't i hate that but that's because though if you were in a movie where you did like the awkward goodbye on every phone call and shit it would just be annoying you know little things where it's like yeah we're just gonna all of a sudden he's just gonna be at the stadium instead of like showing, showing and getting stuck in traffic. You know what I mean?

Like, all these little things. It's like, we cut it out for a fucking reason, guys. Because everything else would make it boring as shit. Right. So, what, when you wrapped that, it was just, like, one and done? Like, thanks? Like, no interest in anything else? No, of course I'm interested.

Like, that would be really nice. But, yeah, that was the last thing and that like what the timing of that was so crazy because it came out during the pandemic yeah like that was the first um like stay at home movie that got you know like it was it was it was definitely in the early one the way back was up there island was like that fucking ben affleck biopic yeah um that one sucked though so maybe it was okay but it was it was it was in the first wave without a doubt up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I was up there. I shit on demand? I've been buying everything for $20, $30, whatever. Don't even flinch. Got money like that. $20 for a movie? Done.

I am surprised when people are like, I'm not paying that. It's also like you're saving money if you were to go to the movies with someone. You would pay like triple that. I think I said I would pay $100 for a new release of movies. Because you basically do at the theater. Between Uber, the fucking drinks.

The drinks and the snacks at the movie theater are ridiculously over. I mean, it's crazy how expensive they are. I love that a large is $4 and a fucking mega is $4.25. So you have to buy it. Right, right right I mean you must look ridiculous too you're like tiny and you're walking in with a bucket of

coke and I get a bigger bucket I get a big pop what's your movie order my movie order is usually don't judge oh I was gonna say this gonna be terrible I can already see the way she's saying I know that I'm not

confident in it yes clearly I'm just said it okay large popcorn with clearly. You should have fucking said it. Okay. Large popcorn with extra butter. I know. Okay, we're on good terms. Oh, okay. Cool. Bunch of crunch.

Okay. Wait, wait. Let her finish. She's pitching a perfect game. And a large drink or whatever size drink. I don't know if I need a large. Wait, that's a good one? The Oreo. Yeah, that's a good one.

Whenever I say bunch of crunch, people are like, are you fucking kidding me? And I'm like, no, you dump it in, then you mix it. Yes. I don't dump it. That's the only thing to do. I don't dump it. I go handful to handful. Because you dump it, you don't get enough Bunch O' Crunch in there.

And you also lose them in the thing. Right, you do lose them. And then they start to melt sometimes. I love the melting. You like the melt? Yes. I throw melting. Then you fucking walk out of the theater covered in shit.

Exactly. You're greasy and it's brown. It's like poop in the theater? On a date. I can't believe you weren't confident in that. That is the movie order. Yeah, anyone that I've ever said that to, they were like,

bunch of crunch. And also people who are like, ew. Snow caps. They're probably people who like snow caps. Also, I like a nice non- that to, they were like a bunch of crunch. And also people who are like, ew. Snow caps. They're probably people who like snow caps. Also, I like a nice non-peril sometimes. You like anything. You like snow caps.

You're a garbage disposer. Can I tell you, I'd rather snow caps than like Whoppers, but that's not saying anything. Whoppers, that hurt my teeth. Whoppers, I'm like, is this medicine? That bar is so low. I'd rather that than fucking eating rocks off the ground. Yeah, I would rather that too. But no, snow caps, I'm not even...

I feel like that's a big movie thing. That's where most people eat snow caps. How do you feel... Never. How do you feel about people who eat nachos at the movies? I feel like that's a commitment I'm not ready to make. I feel like I'm one of them. I don't.

To have it on your lap like that? I'm so afraid I'm going to spill stuff. I love nachos, but I'm afraid I'm going to spill. I'm covered in cheese by the end of it. I'm a cheese man. Okay. It's nerve wracking. I don't like eating real food in the dark.

And nachos, you're starting to dip your toe into real food. And it's just like, it's a little scary. One time I ordered nachos. And I ordered the extra cheese. And then the bag of cheese was empty. Because, you know, they just put it under and it just comes out of the thing. Right, right. It's like ice cream.

When you open that shit up, it's a big foil bag that was empty. And they started to squeeze it to get to the bottom. And that was already kind of unappealing. And then they were like, it was out, out. And they were like, we need another bag of cheese. This guy's ordering extra cheese with his nachos. And I wanted to be like, just give me the popcorn. Just give me the popcorn.

So embarrassing. That was, I got that second in line. I once tried to smuggle, well, I did effectively smuggle cheesy gordita crunches into the movie. See, bringing food is good. I like that. You know what it is. So I have my cheesy gorditas in my hoodie pouch. Right. And then I must have gone to see a movie that was either really not popular or late in the game.

Like, it was in a normal movie theater, but they had one room that had like 15 seats total okay and i walk in and there was a bunch of kids it kind of felt that way there was a bunch of young kids in it and i was like alone weird fat guy pulling out and i just turned right around and i ate him in the parking lot went home and then and then like six months later i put that hoodie on and I had found shredded cheese in my pocket. No! It just reminded me of like the most pathetic day of my life. Like the most. I think it was right around when I had gotten divorced.

It was like, this is rock bottom, folks. Rock bottom. It's also like if you would have eaten them with so few people in the theater, they would have heard every crunch, every bite. That's the most embarrassing thing is people hearing you chew when it's quiet.

It's like, we don't want, I don't want that. I don't want that. Ever. If you hear like a, you know that's not from the theater.

You know what I mean? It's like, that guy. You hear a cough, you know they're drinking a beer. Right. I always try to do that. And I just fucking miss it.

And after I draw attention, like, what's that guy doing? Then it's... Drinking a beer. I love to sneak in, though. It makes me feel... Yeah. I usually sneak in about a bottle of wine. Wow, okay.

I sneak in... Well, not for myself. I'm usually with someone. For the queen! Yeah, like, you know, come on. Spruce with the kid kid join up a bit. Come on, babe. It's Fast 9.

We're going to get a buzz on. Do you do the theaters that do serve wine? Have you gone to the ones that are like you can order? Oh, yeah. I've been to the fancy ones where you can, like, lay down and you turn a light on and then a waitress comes over to you. I'm like, I've never felt more luxurious in my life. Oh, see, I feel like I'm like, this is.

I love that. I like to be in, like, the fucking chairs. I can like, I've never felt more luxurious in my life. Oh, see, I feel like I'm like, this is... I love that. I like to be in, like, the fucking chairs. I can't even lean back. Just fucking sit like this. You want to be uncomfortable. You're like, I want to focus. This is how I watch a movie. I like the reclining. And then you can get, like, drinks. You can get food. They have, like, a little bit better food

than what you would get at, like, a consignment program. But that's eating in the dark. Eating in the dark with fork and knives No, there's like a little light How much light? Not enough Do you want to know why this is fucked up? Yes

Back in the day Back in the day I heard this when I was a child and I have not been able to eat without the brightest lights of all time I eat under stadium lighting now. And it was back in the day, pirates used to blow out the

candles when they were eating below deck so they didn't see the maggots on their food. So they would eat in the dark. So now whenever I'm eating in the dark, I just think like, what was it called? You think like, I am a pirate. Maggots are the most disgusting things in the world.

It's just when the lights are off, then I'm like, fuck, they're maggots. Oh, I hate that. That one really gets to me. That one bothers me. I know it does. Maggots are disgusting. Eating maggots? Kill me.

Maggots. Yeah, no, that's like. The fancy movie theaters, there's one in Yonkers that has a, it's a fucking melted. I already like it. Whatever it is. Love that. It comes in one of those like cast iron pans, like a little thing. A's a fucking melted. I already like it. Whatever it is. Love that. It comes in one of those like cast iron pans. Like a little thing.

A cast iron skillet. And yeah. And milk. It comes with a nice cold glass of milk. No that's like my dream. That sounds nice. That sounds pretty nice. And that was after I had like a little steak.

That you would eat in the dark for sure. Like a New York. Maggots and all. Now I'm doing extra maggots. Extra maggots. Exactly. That to me is. Any type of dessert like that where they serve it.

If you're serving it in the pan, I want it. And that's how I feel about everything. Fajitas. Every good thing is served in the sizzle. Smoke. Fajitas. Why? Fajitas.

Fajitas. I'm out to dinner. I'm paying you. You make the food. don't fucking bring me a bunch of ingredients and say here make yourself a sandwich you're just organizing

yeah I'm not doing that I really don't like the fondue the cheese fondue is fine whatever love it when you're putting the raw meat

into like the boiling water though when you're cooking the fondue you cook it oh I've never done that there's like cheese that's like dipping I never even knew that people did that there's like cooking fondue where it's like yeah no, I've never done that. I never even knew that people did that.

There's like cooking fondue where it's like... That's where I'm like, yo, I'm paying you to fucking cook it. I'm gonna get sick if you want me to cook the meat and then put the cheese on it. It's either gonna be shitty because I overcooked it or I'm gonna die. Don't get me started on Korean barbecue. I love Korean barbecue. There's a grill in the middle of the table.

Oh, that's really stupid. And you fucking lay out your own fucking meats. No, they do it. Oh, they cook it? Oh, not the one I've been to. Oh, okay. I've only been to one. Never going back because they made me cook it all.

No, they'll come over and do it. They'll come over and do it. Maybe for the pretty girl. Like what? I got to ask politely for my dinner to get cooked in a restaurant? Pardon me, do you mind cooking my food? You pay extra for it to be cooked. Otherwise, you got to get...

And then you got to do the dishes. They were just watching. They were just watching. Look at that asshole. He's just cooking it food, sir. You pay extra for it to be cooked. Otherwise, you got to get, and then you got to do the dishes. They were just watching. Look at that asshole. He's just cooking it himself. Like, we don't have to go over there tonight. That guy's going to do it all. He's going to fucking hate every second of it. Nobody told you to do it.

You were like, I guess I'm not going to do it. I mean, they brought out a bowl of raw meat. Get those fucking gloves on. Yeah, what about, what's the other steakhouse? The Brazilian one with the red and green green you know what I'm talking about little paddles it's like green if you want more meat

red if you want to stop oh I've never I've never heard of that it's like they come along with like you know they can like shave the steak the meat off of these things

love a shaved yeah love that too anytime there's a spinning meat I know it's gonna be good cause it's been there forever it's just sitting there. Do you eat that? The whole thing is

you have a little card, right? And you turn it and then it's red, which means like, stop, no more fucking meat. Green is like shoveling down my gullet. And everyone gets excited for that. And I will go and I will eat just like a normal ass amount of food. Right. It's like going to a buffet and you're like, this is probably what I would eat.

I could get like 60 crab legs. That's more cough on it than usual. I love the germs. I used to go to like wing night with my buddies and they'd be like wings are only 10 cents. I'm like I can afford first of all I'm going to probably eat like 10 of them like I usually do. I don't need to order 30.

And also I think we can afford wings at the full price fellas. We don't have to go on a night where it's jam-packed. Right, they're usually like $5. Yeah. We all have jobs, right? Right. At least our parents do, maybe.

Someone can help us out of a pinch if we need to. We dig ourselves into a hole this wing night. Our wings hole? Yeah. I need to take out a loan from my dad because of wing night. But, like, I've gone to wing night and I've had, like, so i'm like yeah yeah i'm good i ate my little wings i don't need 35 more you don't have to eat all the way yeah just because you can oh my god i'm all set on that shit yeah usually the stuff that's like that isn't good anyway it's not like good wings that you would be like i want

more of these give me that full price i'm like you know what i'm gonna pay you full price right exactly yeah i don't want to partake in this did you you grew up in queens right i grew up on long that you would be like, I want more of these. Give me that full price shit. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to pay you full price. Right, exactly. I don't want to partake in this. You grew up in Queens, right? I grew up on Long Island, yeah. Did you ever, did you come into the city and ever do China beer or China wine? At least that's what we called it.

Silk Road, any of those? No. What did you do for underage drinking? I went to places on Long Island. Did you go to bars? And I didn't even really start drinking. Like, I would go to bars. What age? I would go to like like probably young, like 15, 14.

Thank you. I was going to say Long Island is just like they asked dad to grab him a beer. Right. Were you going to the Tebes and them? I would go to Napper Tandy's. Oh, I don't even know that one. Or. I just knew like the Hofstra strip.

Dublin Deck, Dublin Down. Do you know that? Like all the way out. It was like by the beach. No. See, I wouldn't even know that one. I just knew like the Hofstra strip. Dublin Deck, Dublin Down. Do you know that? Like all the way out. It was like by the beach. No, no. See, I wouldn't know those ones. I feel like I only know the ones near Hofstra. Yeah.

Where are you? Like Nassau? Suffolk. Suffolk. So you're out there. Yeah. I'm like out. Comac.

And you're in like Suffolk Trash or Suffolk Bougie? Suffolk Trash, I would say. Not like the trashiest. But like we hear you say because. We know where you fall. Right. Yeah. No, I'm say. Not like the trashiest. But like we hear you say because we know where you fall. Right. Yeah. No, I'm not fooling. Every time Carly says because I'm like this much closer to proposing.

I'm going to go to the safe. I'm going to get that fucking ring out. And I'm going to say, will you marry me? Because I love that. I love the way you say that. Here you go. Right. If I were to say I was from a bougie place, you would be like, what?

That would be very confusing for everyone. Yeah. So we used to go uh there was china beer and china wine and one uh was like china beer was like 30 bucks 35 bucks and you got like a plate you get like one meal and then all you can drink beer for like two or three hours and then silk road also called china wine was on the upper Side. It was the same deal, but with wine. And it was like, and we were young, and it was a fucking free-for-all.

Like the one had, you had to go up a flight of stairs. People would just regularly tumble down. Of course. A couple times a night, like a cartoon where there's like smoke and dust flying off, you know? We walked,

I mean, we would just get up and walk into the kitchen sometimes. Just like mayhem with people yelling at like dumb, like white kids from the suburbs. I was going to say, like, imagine being an adult and going to a place, and not being like 18 years old or 15 years old and going to a place like that. I just really love the beef and broccoli. No way it's good.

Taking the lady out for a night on the town tonight. Just got a bonus at work trying to treat the old broad. Kevin's in there fucking pissing in a car. Banging things. We went to the back and we found the beer was in a gigantic stainless steel bucket. And they were just scooping the pitchers. Really? The beer was probably disgusting and so flat, yeah.

And recycled, like, all right, this is, like, backwash. We'll pour it in for tomorrow night. But we were so young and it was so cheap, we didn't fucking care. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I can't even imagine what the wine was. The wine was probably, like, made in a bathtub. I don't think so. I think they, you know, this was, like, you know, I'm so old.

Dude, there was a place in Boston that, like, they just, I don't know, were you going in with fake IDs? Those, I mean, see, I don't know. I always had my brother's ID. And we looked so much alike that I, like, never had ID problems. So I don't even know. But also, it was, you know, you show a fucking non-laminated piece of paper. They didn't care.

And we're good to go. This place didn't even ask. Just go ahead. They just kind of judged you by what you looked like. Like, I would go in with braces. And they would pour my beer into a sun-kissed can. So I was just like, they were just like, yeah, this child would like a beer. Can you put it in a juice, please?

You're like, I'm seven. Can I have a sippy cup, please? Drink up inside your mouth. Can you bring crayons and a little thing to color as well? That's crazy. You're about to go try to break into Fenway. You got to get a little liquid courage in you. That's crazy. See, I feel go try to break into Fenway. You gotta get a little liquid courage in you. That's crazy.

See, I feel like it used to be so different. Places are so strict now. I think they have to be more strict. We used to go to a bar that was across the street from the police station. We were like 16, 15, 16 years old. Packing the place. You know what's wild? We thought we looked like we belonged

in a bar. I think about that all the time. Me being 14, fucking looking insane. I look at 14-year-olds, I'm like, oh my god, I can't even believe I was ever your age. And even worse, like 14-year-olds now. And I'm with 30-year-olds just like talking and shooting the shit and you just think

you blend in, but you're so obviously... Legit, I had braces the first three years I went to bars. And I was like, I can't believe anyone would even question me. If you're at the bar, you're taking out your retainer. I was at the ortho. Sorry, guys, they just got my expander turned.

I'm trying to order a beer. I can't open my mouth that much because I got the front straps on this time. I got peanuts all cut in my braces because I was hanging out talking to an old man trying to fit in. Here's your alcoholic beverage, sir. It was crazy.

I guess we probably made a fuck ton of money off of us. The bars used to get raided every now and then. I think they would get hit with a $5,000 fine. You shut down for a month and then run it back. They don't care. There was a bar in Providence where they would put on a fine. They don't care. You shut down for like a month and then just run it back. Yeah, they don't care. Dude, there was a bar

in Providence, Rhode Island called Bar One where they would put on a song. I forget the song. The No, like a code? And it was like the cops were coming in. Oh, that's so exciting.

And it was like fraternities do this too but it was like you put your drink down and you kind of just like step like six feet away. Was it like you're allowed to be in there?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get in, 21 to drink sort of thing? Exactly. But even then, again, we were still 15. Right. Insane. And the cops would walk in, and they'd walk to the back room and walk out.

And this is Providence, Rhode Island. They were just getting bribes. Yeah. It was. We're here to collect the envelope. Yeah, 100%. They weren't issuing citations. They were just getting nice little fucking bribes.

I would love to be a dirty cop in that way. Yeah. I don't want to take it too far. Right, right, right. But I would love to just be like. Yeah in that way. I don't want to take it too far. Right, right, right. But I would love to just be like Yeah, you let alright, everybody keep it down over here.

Yes, right. Get an envelope. Because then you're kind of the cool cop. Yeah, exactly. Maybe a little viral once for hitting a basketball shot. That's all it takes.

That's all it takes. Or like a high five someone at a parade and then we're good to go. I watched I started to watch have you seen that Liam Neeson movie?

I'm sure you've seen it. Honest Thief. Have you seen that one? No. He's a bank robber. Wants to meet a woman. How about this? He's a bank robber.

Like prolific. Like 10 different banks. Meets a girl and is like, I love her so I'm going to turn myself in. Why would you do that? He wants to make a deal like I'm only going to go to jail for two years. But it's also like – but just stop robbing banks. And you've gotten away with it. You have so much money.

You're a bank robber. Like, you're all set. What has this been for? So then he turned himself in. And he has to prove that he has the money. Anyway, these cops go. And they find boxes and boxes and boxes of money. That's like, I'm for sure taking a box or two.

Oh, yeah. Like, if I was a cop, I would absolutely. Yeah, weed and stuff. They take weed. They have to. But he also had such a good argument. He was like, we technically, like, did this work. We busted this guy.

We found out. And now it's going to get handed off, and lawyers are going to make fucking money hand over fist while we go back to the streets like a bunch of schmucks. Right. I think that's a good argument. I think one of the first movies. This is my bonus.

I agree, yeah. You know? One of the first, like, movies or scenes I saw as a, not child, but old enough to understand what was happening, but not too young kind of deal, was Training Day, when Denzel kind of gets the bag and starts throwing everyone their cut. And I just thought that's how, I didn't realize he was the bad guy. You thought he was a hero. As the movie went on, I realized he might not be the best guy. But that was one of the opening scenes.

He shot a guy in the chest and stole his money. I was like, good police work. That is just some fucking Blue Lives Police work right there. Cleaning up the streets, Denzel. King Kong ain't got shit on you. That's great. All right, what do you say? You want to go answer some questions

for Answer the Internet? Yeah. All right, let's do it. Carly Aquilino on everything, on to follow and all that shit. Yeah, Carly Aquilino, Twitter, Instagram. On TikTok, I'm fashiongirl42069.

Hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah. And that's yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah. And that's that. I love it. All right, good stuff. Let's go. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.