KFC Radio - Bryan Cranston, Gary Gulman, The Fight of the Century, and Sex Tape Promos

Episode Date: December 8, 2020

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review! -Sex Tape Highlight Reel -Logan Paul Vs Floyd Mayweather -Meek Mill gave kids at a lemonade stand $20 -Mario Lopez is going to play Colonel Sanders in a Lifetime Movie -Top 5 Fights you'd want to see (fictional or real people) -Voicemails (01:41:00) The legendary Bryan Cranston joins the show. We talk about his new series Your Honor, the most emotional scene in Breaking Bad, running into Charles Manson as a kid, why he went into acting, broadway, and much more. (02:18:00) Gary Gulman joins the show! We talk about how relatable his stand up special The Great Depresh is, recovering from depression, and much more. Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool @GaryGulman @BryanCranston Follow us on Youtube for Daily videos: www.youtube.com/c/kfcradioYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. You're one of the people I feel like, there's not like a bad story about you, certainly, but then even every time I see you on camera or wherever, you're just a nice guy, it seems like. Why don't you shut the fuck up? It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Last week, we watched a gay gangbang on the show. Today we're kicking off.

We just watched a, not a sex tape, but a sex highlight reel of this cat, Jay Alvarez, who is like a. Now, who is? So I don't quite know. I don't know. Actually, I don't know. Nick, do you know? I've never even heard this name before. Rudy said that he makes skydiving videos.

Okay. Okay. So he looks like a Hawaiian surfer. Yes. So he must make surfing videos. If this guy doesn't surf, it's the biggest waste of my body ever. I did Google him. He is from Hawaii.

Fuck. This guy is sexy as fuck. So this video, when you hear they've got a sex tape, it's usually, like, some shitty footage and some awkward, like, real sex where it's like, you know, position changes that aren't smooth and, you know, no one's a professional. And this is not that. This is a sex highlight reel to a Missy Elliott track where. Which, by the way, I mean, big, big miss on him.

It's huge. The vibe is very much Missy. And I feel like almost this sex is more about Missy Elliott than it is about the sex. Yeah. But there is a line in the clip he attaches to this video where she says, I'm a pain in your rectum. Huge miss not having an anal scene. You have to be fucking girl in the ass for that part. You either have to cut it out

or not have that line in there or when it cuts that line, you're doing busts. At least be putting it in the air, like trying to. And I mean, the guy's got a pretty good dick. It would probably be a pain in your rectum. He's got to solve peace on it.

He's got, I mean, this guy is hot. He's got a great body, a great dick, dreamy eyes. There's that one scene, you actually reacted to it when he's eating her out and he like looks, he like, he like licks her thigh, gets to her pussy and like looks in the camera. It's like, okay, all right, buddy. That actually is the clearest evidence that I have autism is I get so weirded out. You physically shifted in your chair. You're like, okay.

Oh my God, eye contact. Oh God. Let's get back to his dick. I don't want to see his eyes. I'm like that just with sex in general. No eye contact. Eye contact. Oh, my God.

You really are artistic. You so 100% are on the spectrum. I kiss eyes wide open. Why won't they open? The whole time? I have to remind myself to close my eyes. If I was making out with you I would open my eyes and I would see you just stare at me

I have to remind myself to close my eyes because I'm like what if they open their eyes they're going to be freaked out but isn't that kind of funny though it's like when you're in the bar in the middle of the afternoon you're like who are these people who don't have jobs it's like you're in the bar too if my eyes are open and I see you but if you just open for a second

and my eyes are just wide open I'm looking at it like I'm looking at a fucking sandwich. But again, as I've said a million times before, and I'll say it a billion more before I'm dead, kissing, while I will engage in it and I do kind of enjoy it, is the weirdest thing we do as humans. It's insanity. It gets old very quick. It's insanity, John. In fact, you'll notice in this video, I don't believe in kissing. Not much of it.

They cut right to the goods. But this is not a sex tape like I described. Not much of it. They cut right to the goods. So this is, but this is not a sex tape. Like I described, this is a highlight reel. It's edited. It's got jump cuts. It's got highlights.

Like I could look good having sex. So that's my question. Edited like this. Could you, do you think that guy's good at sex? And if your answer is yes, cause I think it is, but it's not because of this video.

I was underwhelmed with his vagina eating. Yeah. Well, you know what? I think I mentioned this earlier. I was underwhelmed with his vagina eating. Yeah. Well, you know what? I think I mentioned this earlier. He's too hot to fucking eat vagina. So a girl. Yeah.

You can watch someone like that. You're like, you don't even know how to eat. If you look at the way the girl sucks dick too, she gives pretty girl head. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She's like, I'm so pretty. I don't have to. She just puts her mouth on it.

Right. She doesn't give a blowjob. She puts a dick in her mouth. Exactly. Huge difference. You got to suck a guy's dick. Like, dick like it depends like where you sleep depends that night where you lay your head depends because guess what that's how i eat pussy i i ain't going i need to stay here tonight i get in there i muck that barn up yes i mean i said i'm a fat girl chicks try harder fat girls eat more i mean i I said it. I'm a fat girl.

Try harder. Fat girls eat more. I mean, I said it once. Like, I'm a thirsty dog at a water bowl. Get in there. I'm a husky coming home from a July walk. Oh, man, we are picking up right where we left off. Right where we left off, which was a classic episode, by the way.

But I think that guy, Jay Alvarez, probably fucks good because he's just had so much opportunity and so many, you know, practice makes perfect. And that guy has fucked literally anyone he's ever wanted for, you know, he's probably only 24. 25. 25, so he's ever wanted. He's probably only 24. 25. So he's probably been fucking for 10 years. But in those 10 years, he's probably fucked everybody and everything. So I bet he's probably pretty good at it with confidence and everything. But that right there, if you just give one second clips and bursts of anybody's sex game, it'll look good. Yeah.

With the right lighting. I mean, I learned that about internet content. Like when I do One Minute Man, when we do sk minute man when we do skits when we do anything i don't ever think they're that good until i see the finished product i'm like oh my god yeah you know when nick or michelangelo and these guys get a hand a hand on it i'm like holy shit you guys made you know lemon you made some chicken out of chicken shit or whatever you know i mean like editing can make anything look good and so i think you're a little hard on yourself here for a second but you know what i mean like editing can make anything look good and so i think you're a little hard on yourself here for a second but you know what i mean you know what i mean though like the

finished products when you put music and cuts and all that it becomes a movie trailer it becomes you know medellin and entourage it's like oh my god so do you think that was like his vlog guy because it's not uh it's not a hand it's not a selfie it's a somebody's filming nick nick what would you do? Oh, I know for a fact. I mean, someone's definitely filming it. There are two people rolling around. Is it? I think so.

You think it was tripod? It could have been tripod. There are times when it's in his hand, clearly, when he's getting a blowjob or whatever. Oh, we gotta talk about that in a second. So she might be holding it there. But look at that. Yeah, that's moving around and in. Yeah, Nick will be able to tell.

Yeah. That's like someone moving around. So I pose the question to you because this dude is – let me look him up real quick. He's some sort of – oh oh he used to date alexis ren i know that alexis ren is a super hot instagram she's from the trans smokers video right is that where she gained her fame i mean nate has blogged her once a day for five straight years she's in um was it closer closer oh she's that girl she's that girl so i mean the only

reason he has a job is because of alexis ren i mean, it's. Is he the guy in it? Because isn't she with her actual boyfriend in the video? I don't know how to answer that. Well, so that is interesting, too. I've looked at his supposed or alleged or current or at one time girlfriend on Instagram. And she looks a lot like the girl in this, but not totally. They're like similar features. I've gone back and forth. Sometimes it looks like her.

Sometimes it doesn't. But if you Google Jay Alvarez skydive practice jay alvarez and alexis ran last video together they're skydiving um pioneer of travel influencing jay alvarez turns to sex work oh wait a minute that's november 25th though so so he has an only fans let's see i'm very much assuming that's what that means. So this also has something to this. This mentions Mike and Logan Paul. And I heard that Logan Paul was the one who leaked this or put this out.

So as Logan and Mike on the Impulsive Podcast said, we are led to believe that the R-rated video was leaked. Jay has been much quieter. Oh, so this happened. I mean, this was November 25th. I guess it's been out for a little while, but it just went viral. So this is stupid. First of all, this says, the real question, does sex work ruin a career in 2020? No.

Decidedly not. I think it improves it or makes it... So my question to you, Nick, if I was like, you know what, dude? I'm going for it. I'm fucking. I'm fucking on camera. And I want you to film it. And I I'm going for it. I'm fucking. I'm fucking on camera. And I want you to film it.

And I want you to edit it. Would you do it? Would you make me a Missy Elliott video? I would have to get paid a lot, lot more. But theoretically, there would be a lot, lot more. Yeah. What if I was like, okay, let me say this. I'm betting on myself here.

I can't give you a guarantee. But, you know, if all of a sudden I've got – and let's say for – if I'm making this decision, that means I've got this dime and I know I can put in a performance. You know what I mean? I wouldn't be like coming to you if it was shit. So I'd be like, listen, we're going to go viral after this. This is going to be a big deal. And I promise you there will be bigger numbers and more money. I'm betting on myself here. My sex tape is going to take places would you would you film it because at the end

at the end of the day really i mean let's not act like you have too much respect for yourself you edit you edit videos of us talking about these things we're already being despicable so now i'm just doing them i mean if you pitched it the right way I'm sure I'd be like alright this will be funny I told you that I could give Nick you could do all your special effects this is your canvas to paint with it's just that I'm fucking on it and it's a hot chick whatever

would you do it I don't know maybe probably honestly I think we just have to say please. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I feel like. If you asked me to do it, I would do it. I wouldn't be as talented as Nick.

But I'd film you no problem. I don't. Why are you not doing this? What do you mean? Why aren't you doing this? Having sex on camera? Yeah. Because I have thought about this.

I mean, aside from, like, I'm gross. I need to get in shape. But if I didn't have a family and kids and shit, I would do this. Or I would be exploiting sex somehow. I would have, like, a sex highlight team. Was this whole just a roundabout? Just to get you guys in the sex industry game? The sex worker game?

I mean, I feel like in maybe not anytime soon, but, like, let's say, like, 50 years from now, after we've seen the only fans and all this shit like it's almost just the next step in like your influencer road you know what i mean it's like all right well now i'm a little bit popular but now it's time to like show how i fuck it's like i do radio i do video i do written content now i do audio and now here's my penis yeah i bet you it'll eventually be a little more stuff like this not like your intimate intimate sex date leak, but it's like we're going to put together a highlight reel. The reaction I saw to this shit, I just searched his name on Saturday morning when I first saw it.

I mean, girls were just like, I didn't know who Jay Alvarez is. I know who he is now and like all the emojis. But I'm not attractive. Well, this guy is super hot. Yeah. But, you know, like the husky on the walk home like you might put in word bro girls might be like i want that dude to eat my pussy so he also and this is why i say he's good in bed see i you know what i'm coming up fuck this guy he's not good in bed at

all right i didn't even see a tongue in a butt right i mean all right i need to see a finger or what are you fucking doing down there bro and and like you see like she goes asshole out oh yes so it's not like they were trying to hide that or like she didn't want to expose it all she exposes it all yeah uh i mean they pour coconut oil so that's what leads me to believe again this dude this is not his first rodeo i mean when you're pouring coconut oil i guess here's how you know that this was a good sex video, whatever you want to call it. Highlight reel, tape, leak, whatever. People were making fun of the coconut oil. Why?

I mean, you know what that is? Because there's nothing else to make fun of. His dick is fine. The sex was good. The girl was hot. Like, you just got to find something to make fun of. I feel like coconut oil is... It wouldn't be my first choice,

but I'll also grab a hair conditioner if the time's right. You know what I mean? I think that coconut oil is the tool of someone who lacks confidence. I think coconut oil is like studying for a test.

Just go in there. You're not confident in yourself that you can just do it. Just spit on it. We had the best, but I will. I'm not saying like lube usage. I'm just saying like, it's pomp and circumstance.

It's over the top. Well, you know, it certainly is over the top. Pouring it into a tea kettle, heating it up, and then pouring on a rassle, which I actually come back around on. I know what you're talking about,

and I think it's a lot of pomp and circumstance, but if you're going to go pomp and circumstance to on her asshole, which I actually come back around on. I know what you're talking about, and I think it's a lot of pomp and circumstance, but if you're going to go pomp and circumstance to heat it up, now you're coming back around, and I was like, this is my thing. The heated up tea kettle coconut oil is like my calling card,

like the wet bandits. Every time that guy fucks, this guy... When you hear the tea kettle, it's like, it's time to fuck. Jay's ready. The coconut oil has boiled to a simmer.

I mean, that guy's fucked a time or two if he's doing that. Yes, yes, you're right. But also,

I could never use coconut oil because I'd just be like, the whole time, I'd just be like, this is a mess. Yeah. I guess that's what it is,

the coconut oil. Have you ever fucked with like oil like baby oil not in the like not in the videos you've seen it's way too much

I mean when you're done and you get in the shower and it beads up on you because it's oil so you can't even wash it off of water you need to be hit with like a power like a power washer to get that shit off you. It's, you know, there's a reason why some of those porns do it in like a fucking kiddie pool with gloves and shit.

They come prepared in a Dexter room because they know it's for goddamn dick killers. But yeah. You've like fully oiled your whole self up? No, not like I haven't been like rubbing it in but that's, you know, you start out with it in one spot and eventually it's everywhere. But yeah, I just basically use it on the butt and the dick.

It's eventually in your fucking hair by the end of it. It's crazy. But I think we've seen what Nick can do. Imagine if he applied his talents to porn. I'd have to study tape and figure out how to edit how to edit. I'm pretty sure you've been, it would be like Costanza in, in, in Seinfeld with the Frogger episode.

I can do this. I've been preparing my whole life for this. Little do you know, you've been editing porn your whole life in your head. Even right now you're like, let me take a look at that. Oh yeah. That's a,

that's a two camera set up. You, yeah, you, I think you're going to take us to the next level with porn. All right. Let's do it. See?

I told you. A little bit of pressure. Today's episode is brought to you by Miller Lite. When you grab a couple cold ones and you have a good night with your buddies. Good story to tell. A great story to tell. Guys, that's like you call up your friends. You're like, grab a six-packpack come on over jay did some shit you know we gotta talk about it you know

and that's what i've been saying for weeks now is you know sometimes it's good news sometimes it's bad news sometimes it's a long story sometimes it's a short joke sometimes it's up as i was watching the jets this weekend i was like i'm rooting for a loss drink a middle light i want him to win drink a middle light Lite. If you are a, you know, Nick is going to watch the Steelers, he's going for a perfect season, he's drinking a Miller Lite. I'm rooting for an imperfect season, Miller Lite. It fits

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Celebrate responsibly this holiday season with Miller. Go to MillerLite.com and get it delivered to you. That Jets game was like the most electric thing I've ever done. It was awesome. I know how it ended, but I didn't see a second. I was watching Liverpool in the 1 o'clock games. I watched the Pats. The only game I watched yesterday was the Pats.

I couldn't tell you a single thing that happened. It's almost like when I root against the Yankees. It's funny. As much as people make fun of me and they're like, oh, you never have any good sports moments, every year I have my team wins. We knock out the Yankees, and I feel like I won the fucking Super Bowl. This is the World Series. And then yesterday, I mean, I've never – it was kind of depressing.

I've never had a Hail Mary win. Never had, like, a last-second 50-yard touchdown. I shouldn't say never. I think it's Antonio Holmes had, like, a catch in the back of the end zone. But I don't think I've ever had, like, a 50-yarder just fucking heave it up. And so, I mean, I went nuts. And I was like, this is for Derek Carr and the Raiders. But in essence, you know, the end goal could be even more important than a single Super Bowl. I don't know.

If Trevor Lawrence is Peyton Manning, then that game yesterday is the most important game that the Jets have played maybe in the history of their franchise. And so it stirred up the talk about tanking. Do you think tanking is a real thing? No. Do you think that yesterday was not tanking? Again, I didn't say that. I know how it ended. They're on the 50, midfield.

There's like 10 seconds left. They have to score a touchdown. Greg Williams sends seven. He sends the house. He blitzes seven guys, leaves his corner, rookie corner, all alone. No help. No safety. He gets absolutely torched.

And the only reason Derek Carr doesn't complete the pass is he overthrows him by like 20 yards. And he had time. They picked up the blitz. Well blocked the whole nine. And then he just did it again. And it just worked he had time they picked up the blitz well defended or well blocked the whole nine and then he just did it again and it just worked the second time so it was like even if like dan was saying he gave himself the nickname dr heat he's like i bring the heat i'm dr heat and he's been known to blitz at like reckless times but like okay fine he did that and it decidedly did not work and then he was like just like, just do it again. And then that time he just connected on the pass, and it worked.

And they said since ESPN stats and info has started, that's never happened. Nobody has ever played football that way ever. Anytime that there's been that many yards to go, that many points, that little time, everybody just loads up the secondary and bats it down. There's just no reason not to and certainly not to twice see the thing and it's greg williams who's a piece of shit right who has been known to like take cash and or dabble in the cash game and you know he gets fired today and i feel like that's like bro there's a bag of cash waiting for you at home

that sounds on as crazy and conspiracy issues that is that sounds more logical than a guy who was a defensive minded coach who whether you like him or not has like a career in the nfl playing defense made the worst decision ever twice in a row an unprecedented decision that's never happened once he did twice in a row it It's Trevor Lawrence is looming. It's not like, well, you know, we're trying to get the, we want to, we want to move up in the, in the draft from like a 10 to five or we wanted the good defensive end. We are at least led to believe that it's, you know, a franchise altering quarterback. See, but like how much money the, uh, I don't know how much what would you price trevor lawrence at i mean i don't know there's so much money on the line if you believe trevor lawrence is what he is that greg williams is like i don't know how much he makes per year you know if if you're going to believe that he makes bad

decisions like that i can't believe anybody's going to be scrambling to pick him up so he's got to be saying like all right i'll if you know if this was the case like all right i'll do that but you know i'm going to be unemployed for the next five years, so you've got to give me money. You have to know that that might be your last shot. That's got to be career earnings pretty much. Let's say he probably makes the rest of his career $20 million more. That's a lot up front.

But maybe it's not up front. Maybe it's like, we'll give you this now. It's like a contract negotiation. We'll take care of your family or it'll appear in installments. I just like, again, with it being Trevor Lawrence and you're talking about billionaires and you're talking about shady business people where it's like if this was a hedge fund or something where you found out that they were doing like shady things to acquire or to invest in the vaccine or whatever the fuck it is you wouldn't bat an eyelash about some like crazy dark shit going on in that in their world that's what trevor lawrence is true and when something that stark happens where it's just like it's quite literally unexplainable the other way like i wish i watched i don't know if greg williams is around for the post game it's like they asked sam darnold likearnold, how do you feel about a play call like that?

He was like, it is what it is, man. He's got to be sitting there going, what the fuck are we doing? Why would you send the house? I'm always anti. Even rush three or four. You don't have to just completely be a pussy about it. He's like hard-nosed, aggressive football. But in that case, because tanking for players and coaches does not make sense.

Even for GMs, it doesn't really. Right. It's owners. And if somehow you have some sort of long-term stake in a franchise, I don't know. I can't give an example, but if there's somebody who's a lifelong GM or something, I don't know. Maybe an Andy Reid or a Belichick

or something. The only reason it works for a GM would be if the owner told him, I guarantee you, here's a five-year deal. You have time to fix this. And maybe some of those guys have it. Like I said, the Belichicks or the Andy Reids or the Pete Carrolls or some of these long-standing guys.

But everybody else is like, you're going to look stupid on the field. That's your resume. That's your body of work. But boy, that one was like, what the fuck's going on here, guys? And it's the one type of scumbag who you could get to do it. You know what I mean? Like who maybe would risk the rest of his career for money. Because I also think that like, I mean, Greg Williams,

he like when he became the Browns interim, which was what, two years ago? Like if he didn't get that, because I think he did pretty well, if I remember correctly. He kind of turned the Browns around a little bit. Did he? Because Dan was saying he'll now be a part of two of the three 0-16 teams in the history. But I think he was a coordinator.

Right, right. I think once he became interim, it actually made sense to be like, oh, maybe give this guy the job. Well, that's how he ended up back with the jets is he kind of like had that rise back to exactly right so i think he realized there that like look i'm not getting if i you know the interim and i did pretty well if i'm not getting this job i'm not getting head coaching jobs right that's never gonna happen so might as well like it might have logically financially been the right decision then like my best my best shot at a big ticket, at a big fucking

lottery ticket, is right now tanking. It's the most compelling tanking argument I've ever seen. Do I believe that owners want to tank and are sitting at home like, I hope we lose, I hope we lose? Yes. Do I think that they are affecting the game

pretty much every other time in the history of football. No, this one was like, I don't know. I can't explain it any other fucking way. So also in the sports world, the big news of the week of like the year of like maybe ever. My boy Logan Paul did it. I mean, I always knew he was going to do it and did it always made sense. Like it's still surprising, right?

And it was still shocking. He is... The Paul family is just incredible. Unstoppable. They are unstoppable. And quick. I mean, quick work. Unless they were planning this a long time ago,

and they just started talking about it publicly. But only a matter of weeks or a couple months ago was he he like i want to fight floyd and then it happened yeah that's scary power where it's like you know i set my sight i picked the pinnacle and i just got it to occur that quickly i mean that is fucking nuts it's exceptionally impressive it also is like again unless they were playing this for a long time which they could have been it takes one Instagram video to get Floyd to be like

alright I'll fight you motherfucker right which I guess is but I also think that's also respect to like the Logan Paul name where it's like

alright that guy can make me money yeah you know like I think it's like he knows he has a big enough following but I think Logan Paul cut the hell out of some promos where it's like

this guy he gets it like we're gonna do some hype up videos. We're going to talk some shit. It'll be worth my time. How much do you think Floyd's getting? So they're doing an interesting payment structure. The first 1 million purchases is $24.99.

Then it goes to $34.99. And then after a certain date, it goes all the way up to the final price of $69.99, which is still five bucks cheaper than the pay-per-view that happened this weekend just regular ass boxing pay-per-view which i get because i guess like you know the level of entertainment the level of boxing is lower but i think you could charge more for this because it's a spectacle yeah i'm gonna buy it and if you told me it was 89 i'd probably i'd probably pay 100 because i just have to see it you know we've talked about that before so i mean if you're already penciling in a million at 25, like, all right, we'll blow through a million.

Which I think is actually a pretty ingenious way to do it because everyone's going to buy it right away. Yeah. So then you're already like, I'm already, I haven't done it. I think what's interesting for Floyd is he has to basically do no training for this. You know? Like, I don't think he has to worry about the investment of his time. He probably was like, all right, let's do this. He's's like it's december 20th we'll do it in february

20th no big deal so yeah i mean like for his point of view it's free money i had to fight like and and logan's tough obviously i mean floyd is arguably one of the greatest boxes not arguably he is one of the by certain standards he's the greatest of all time yes yeah and and actually what sucks for him is certain standards that work against Logan. If the best of the best can't land a punch on him, it's going to be tough for Logan. If it was like Deontay Wilder where it's like you might get hit with the right hand of God and you might die, but also you're going to get some shots in on him, whatever. This is like it's going to be impossible for him to even touch him.

Manny Pacquiao didn't hit him. Right, right. So now the big difference here, though, is that we have to wait and find out what the wait is going to be impossible for him to even touch him. Like Manny Pacquiao didn't hit him. Right. Right. So now the big difference here, though, is that we have to wait and find out what the weight is going to be. But the weight, does it matter? Well. Logan can't possibly get into his weight class. No.

But I think he's going to have to. I don't think Floyd. I don't know. You think Floyd will be like, I'll fight you at any weight? I think so. Probably. Yeah. But I feel like if Logan's like 225 and Floyd's like a buck 50, if the absolute unthinkable happens,

if you get hit by somebody who's 75 pounds heavier than you, I think Floyd's been hit by those people, though. You think? I don't think he's been hit in a long time. But maybe he did a long time ago. But like, I think like, and maybe not recently. Maybe not recently. But just like, I feel like in Floyd's life, he's been hit by people.

Well, large had a funny line though. He's like, Logan, Paul's been hit harder by Jake Paul than he has been by Floyd Mayweather. Like, I mean, you'll,

you know, not to poo poo Floyd Mayweather, he can punch you in the face and do some damage, but Logan has nothing to lose everything to gain. No pressure on him to win. No one, no one's expects him to win. And I think even if he gets hit in the face, a bunch, like I said, if you get hit by Deontay Wilder, to lose everything to gain no pressure on him to win no one no one expects him to win and i think

even if he gets hit in the face a bunch like i said if you get hit by deontay wilder like your head's falling off yeah when we talk about would you get in the ring with mike tyson it's like getting in the ring with a bear worst case for him is like even if you were to get like knocked out it would be like nate robinson it would be like you get punched in the face a bunch but you're okay you know right so why not getting long-term brain damage out of that. You'll be embarrassed. Again, maybe this is where Floyd is like, fuck you guys. I can knock a bitch out.

I'd be more worried about him that he's going to bring my ribs and fuck my kidneys up just toying with me or whatever. I think people are talking about how long will it go, not who's going to win. But it only takes one shot, John. It only takes one shot for my point.

Team Maverick. One shot. One shot. I agree. He gets cocky. He starts dancing around, puts his hands down. One time. Logan comes in.

Again, I bet he has to drop down to like 180 or something. And Floyd maybe fights at like 150 instead of 140. I think he's fought at like 147 before. I don't know. But as long as there's a little bit of a weight difference still where like his punch might matter. One shot, John! One shot!

I would like Logan to win. I'm rooting for Logan. Imagine. I just think that that's a... Is that bigger than like Miracle on Ice? Is that the greatest upset of all time? I think it has to be. How'm rooting for Logan. I just think that that's a... Is that bigger than Miracle on Ice? Is that the greatest upset of all time? I think it has to be. How old's Floyd now? 43.

Oh, wow. I didn't even know he was that old. 43. 43 is old. When was his last fight? Like, his last actual fight. Was it Pacquiao? Oh, McGregor. Yeah, but... So, like, last actual fight. Even Pacquiao was like, they were both past their prime. I mean, I'll be able to talk myself into it, but I just think, I mean, one shot!

One shot! And honestly, I said on One Minute Man, he could get the one shot in and it doesn't, let's say Floyd just eats it. Whatever. Logan has the gif. He has the video. You know what I mean? Like do it for the gif. He has the video. You know what I mean? Like, do it for the gif. If he has one shot of him, like, pow, like, he connected on the most, you know, the most elusive boxer ever.

Like, he wins. That's it. He wins. If this dude lands a punch, he wins. And I think most likely is, like, he gets super tired, like McGregor kind of did, and he, like, falls down a few times. I thought he was winning that fight. Right.

Like, the three rounds, I was like, he's going to do it! He's going to do it! And so I wonder, that's what I was saying before, people are like, how long does McGregor let it, does Floyd let it last? Because I feel like that's what he did with Floyd. Like, we'll put on a show for the people, get their money's worth,

and then I finish it when I want to finish it. This, though, I feel like it's almost, like I said, if Logan lands a punch, he wins. If it takes eight rounds like it took with McGregor, he allowed it to go eight rounds, I feel like people would be like, you took an L. I feel like he has to end Logan Paul quick. Pretty quick. To keep his legacy up or whatever.

I don't think this affects legacy. No, no, but you know what I mean? For them to even be like there's no shit talking. Unless he is demonstratively toying with him. Like dancing and putting his hands behind his back. And he does that for six rounds. But it should be over fast if he wants to be like, I'm proving that I'm... It depends if he wants to put on a show

or if he wants to be like, I'm the best boxer. I think he's going to lean towards show. Yeah. Could you imagine if he lets him hit him a few times? It's like the ninth round people going crazy that would be yo i gotta give so much props to logan paul though because like i said like he's gonna make so much money and i'm sure it's like whatever floyd gives you i don't think there's any negotiating yeah i think he's like it's a 95 5 split and they're like okay sounds good but so there's nothing to lose you know he is a big strong dude who has like fought before so i don't think he'd be too afraid like i would be terrified

but all that aside the moment where you're like getting into a boxing ring with floyd mayweather and the lights and the well maybe people find out people but you know what i mean the cameras it's like what the fuck am I doing? That must be like a powerful feeling to be like, this is, I mean, I run everything. I can manifest these things. I can make that happen. That's what I've told Dan. It's like, Dan's got to stop talking about the Mayweather.

The punch, because it might have to come to fruition. For those who don't know, like way back in the day on KC Radio, Big Cat said that standing with Floyd punch for punch, he couldn't win in a knockout. He gets to punch Floyd first, and then Floyd punches him, and the... I was like, you gotta, like, part of my take, Marcel getting so big, like, it's possible. You see what happened this week? Somebody said, if the Lions beat the Bears, you have to

suck my balls. Dan agreed to it. Yeah, he went, oh, fine. Guess what? That guy's gonna show up! That guy's gonna show up! Also, fucking Revell, oh, fine. Guess what? That guy's going to show up. That guy's going to show up. Also fucking Revell that fucking snake. What did he do? Revell said if the Browns score 24 points, he'll eat dog food. They put up like 43, didn't they?

I think they were in the 30s at halftime. Baker had four touchdowns at halftime, so he's at least 28. But you know what sucks is that's good for him. He livestreams and his numbers get up. But yeah, where do you even go if you, it sucks. It's like, that's a good for him. Yeah. He just live streams and his numbers get up. But, yeah, I mean, like, where do you even go if you're Logan next? It's like, okay, I'm going to play, like, one-on-one versus Jordan. I'm going to play golf versus Tiger.

I mean, he went to the pinnacle of one of the most, you know, legendary classic sports, you know, gladiator sports ever in, like, two months. Guy can just fucking make shit well he's been doing the boxing for two years now yeah but but yeah i guess so i guess it's more that's the long process but to just like set your sight on floyd and get it done that quickly and then i mean it would be awesome if if it was like the undercard was jake and mcgregor i don't think mcgregor would be now would never be an undercard i I'm not doing an undercard. Especially with the side shows.

But also, McGregor is fighting soon. McGregor is fighting next month. And Jake takes himself so seriously that I think he'd be like, I just fought. I can't. You know what I mean? So yeah, February will probably be Floyd and Logan. And like summer or maybe like next fall or a year from now will be Jake and McGregor.

Cause if Floyd agrees to this, McGregor is going to do it too. You think so? I do. I think, I think that that's enough. I think even McGregor would be like, no,

I'll fight Logan Paul. Cause like Jake is the younger brother. I wouldn't, I wouldn't. You think he's afraid of Jake? No, I just think he, he,

because he's the younger brother. I think he's like, he's the lesser. But I think Jake is the better fighter. Is he? I think so. Yeah. Oh,

I didn't know that. Well, yeah. I mean like Logan's number one. Well, he's about to fight Floyd Maywe he's the lesser. But I think Jake is the better fighter. Is he? I think so, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Well, yeah, I mean, Logan's number one. Logan's about to fight Floyd Mayweather's number one boxing match. And when they were talking about, when they were talking on Impulsive about Jake's match, Logan was straight up like, I'm a showman. I put on the show. Yeah. Because he was like, I'm 0-1-1. Like, I'm number one. But I put on a

fucking show. It's like, well, now you have to fight the greatest of all time. That is crazy to fight Floyd Mayweather. And you've never won a boxing match! It's like, well, now you have to fight the greatest of all time. That is crazy to fight Floyd Mayweather. And you've never won a boxing match! It's the greatest Snake Until You Make It story ever. It's the greatest finesse in the history of sports and the internet. It's the greatest finesse in the history of money. He's never won a boxing match and he's going to fight Floyd Mayweather on pay-per-view. And he's going to get some of the money. It's crazy crazy and also that out the window for so many people who are like you you don't even deserve

to be in the ring with me bro like to other actual fighters yeah well the greatest of all time fought Logan Paul YouTube guy so yeah you it's incredible it's incredible all right before we do top fives though a couple things in the news we got to run through. First off, Meek Mill, with an all-time weird PR move, he himself posts a video to his own Instagram where he drives through the hood. There are these kids, like, I don't know, they're, like, selling lemonade or some shit on the side of the street, right? Like, little kid shit trying to make money. He pulls up in, like, his fucking, you know, his, like like Wraith fucking Bentley, whatever. Rolls Royce Maybach.

And he gives him 20 bucks. And they're like, come on, big bro. Like, break me off some more. And he's like, get the fuck out of here. I just gave you all $20. Like, split it up, you little runts. And he puts on his Instagram, oh, you are runts. I don't know.

Like, okay. I don't know what that move is. Here's where we're at. First of all, yes, it is weird to film it yourself. John's like Meeks PR people. All right, here's where we're at. We're in the war room here. Damage control.

Let's talk about it. Filming it yourself and posting that is strange. However, I will vehemently defend giving $20 to be it a homeless person or a kid selling lemonade or whatever because, one, it's $20. That's 20 times what you're probably usually going to get. Two, who has cash? People are like, oh, why didn't you give him a couple hundreds? It's being really carrying around a couple hundreds. I don't know.

Rappers kind of do that shit sometimes. We're in the year 2020, Kevin. Who has cash? If his excuse was I don't have cash, then I'd be okay. I don't think $20 is enough for even me to post giving it to someone, let alone someone who does not have anywhere near the funds that Meek Mill has. I would not film myself giving $20 to somebody.

I wonder if he did that for fun and then gave him money. Oh, you think so? Well, I mean, he didn't say that. He quote tweeted it being like, it's $20. I got to remain consistent here. I said, like, I don't donate shame. You know, I hate that's the Rovell. Like, that's only 0.01% of his fucking, it's still a million dollar donation, dude.

But I don't know. There's a certain point where $20. $20 is not. $20 is like I would I would like throw that back at him no this is disrespectful but who has cash Kevin again again if that was the excuse but it's not

he's like I just gave you $20 split it if he said I don't have any more money on me I'm sorry I'll Venmo you but he didn't he didn't say that he said that's $20 yes you're right and their children are like begging him for more they're like please big bro come on break us off more than that i would just give them my credit card i'd give them the car i just take my car i would if someone even was like come on that's all you got i'd be like here's my credit card

i'll give you three days you and then i'm canceling it you can't roll down the window and be like hey it's me meek mill and then only give him 20 you can't do it it's bad pr but even giving any money to anybody in 2020 is a very nice thing like no one has cash the bar is on the floor i i spend every day walking to work pretending to pat my pockets which homeless people must just fucking hate hate be like just just tell me no yeah Just tell me no. Just tell me no. I don't give a shit. That's like me pretending I gotta take a phone call because I'm walking the wrong way. You're just acting. This is all a fucking act.

Either way, it's horrendous PR for Meek Mill. Fantastic PR right now. I'm so mad at Mario Lopez. I'm so fucking mad at Mario Lopez. I'm looking at you, Slater. We just fucking talked to Mario Lopez. What?

Two weeks ago? Two weeks, yeah. And he makes the viral wave of the day dropping a Kentucky Fried Chicken. Also, my fucking name, KFC. Kentucky Fried Chicken Lifetime Movie Original short film where he's in some sort of steamy love affair involving the recipe for kfc chicken and the whole internet's talking about it everyone's tagging me because it's my initials we just had you on the fucking show and you didn't say a goddamn word about it to us mario i mean mario not telling us which is how you pronounce his name it mar Mario not telling us, which is how you pronounce his name, Mario not telling us that he had been in the Colonel Sanders gear is a problem in and of itself.

But, like, the whole plot, you should have told us. I don't care. You should have told us all. But you should have been, like, at the very least, been like, you know what was weird? I was in KFC radio. I was in Colonel Sanders makeup recently. Just mention that. Even if maybe right even if maybe you know he said oh it's the one minute man maybe he doesn't even know my initials but still you're talking to like internet guys be like oh this wacky thing i did unless maybe he maybe he did that for the paycheck and was like that was like

so embarrassing i can't believe i did that and then it turned out to be a viral hit no i just didn't i i think mario's got like a lifetime contract with lifetime yeah like i think he's just like i i do i'm the hot dude and i do the movies that's what i do hot dude and i do the movie it's like i mean the trailer is incredible the chair i mean the show is amazing but isn't there one actress who like was kind of famous and like she just does lifetime movies like i feel like it's maybe like with a woman from House the Doctor not 13 that's Olivia Wilde the other one there's the I mean this is not quite the same but there's the

Grey's Anatomy girl who says like I just do Grey's Anatomy to make the fucking yeah but no but this like this girl just like if there's a Lifetime movie she's a female lead like Jennifer Love Hewitt kind of does this does maybe it's her a lot of those there's yeah yeah there's someone which is like I just I'm a Lifetime yeah I'm like of does this. Maybe it's her. She's done a lot of those. Yeah. There's someone where she's like, I'm a lifetime.

I'm like Britney in Vegas. If it's a lifetime, you're watching me. I feel like Mario's kind of there. And he's like, yeah, all right, I'll be Colonel Sanders. Cut the jacket, I'll do it. I mean, he's banging broads as Colonel Sanders, and they're stealing the recipe or something. I mean, it is brilliant. It's brilliant internet 1.0 type shit like

internet marketing you know 101 how to figure it out how to make the people start buzzing what other movies what other industries would you want to see would you watch a love affair a lifestyle movie um i feel like jack daniels would have a good one i don't know anything about jack daniels but like a steamy whiskey thing? No, I can see that being an actual... He's a violent alcoholic. I can see that. Like the washed up alcoholic who needs to right his wrongs of his past.

And there's Jack Daniels involved. I mean, other fast food... I think I'd like to watch one with... I could watch watch a science... Like the Coke formula. Yeah. Like there's a rush to... Especially with all the cocaine.

Yeah, and it's mixed up in the Coke trade, and the Coke formula actually could fucking cure COVID or something. And there's like a rush to open the safe and get the Coke formula. I've always heard about the Coke formula. Like it's literally written on a piece of paper in a safe in a room somewhere that you'd be like okay three drops of this and two drops of that and you can make coca-cola but yeah i would i would watch like a a thriller about about coca-cola i think i'd like i'd like to watch something with ronald mcdonald just because i like to watch him fuck somebody like like a big fucking red feet on imagine jesus christ and then

you know all we're doing secret recipes like the Big Mac sauce which I believe is just Thousand Island dressing. Yeah, it's relish and Thousand Island I think, yeah.

Real secret. Russian dressing and pickles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you film Ronald McDonald's sex scene? I mean, that'd be funny.

Basically, Nick, we'd be funny too. Yeah, I was going to say would I be sexy? Fuck. It would be definitively humorous. But the – I'd watch basically any – this is just turning into sex tape talk. All roads.

For some reason, Pat the Patriot – I'd like to just watch Pat the Patriot have sex. Again – That's weird. Yeah. He's a human. That's a guy. Well, I mean, yeah, but he's a funny looking guy right but it's like you know if i was like the philly fanatic or something like i'd love

yeah i would definitely i would watch mr met and mrs met smash mrs met mrs met whoever they have in there has some fucking junk in her trunk i would absolutely fuck mrs met with a big bulbous head. Amazing. Because she's kind of got like a little one too. Could you imagine just like hitting Mrs. Met with a facial on her fucking big baseball head? Now I can. Alright, top fives.

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I'm starting to learn that because like, I mean, You've seen me. I've been in sweats. It's mostly pandemic related. I have reached a point where I am kind of like, I don't really care anymore. I can imagine 30 more years. I'll be like, I don't give a fuck. That's why I love Nick Cage, by the way. That picture of him the other day.

Keep spending money on your own wardrobe. Fuck yourself. I also think his kid had his own swag in a way. It looks like Nick Cage yourself. Well, but I also think his kid had his own, like, swag in a way, you know? It looked like Nick Cage just robbed a laundromat to dress his kid. Like, it was all, none of it matched. It was all, it was like an American flag with a camel. I guess that does match.

Well, it doesn't match, but it works. But it goes together, yeah. And then, like, athletic shorts and Uggs. Yeah. It looked like he was a homeless child. It was Big Daddy, like, dressing himself. Yeah, exactly. Frankenstein, you know?

But I also think there was something. My dad wore a suit five days a week for, you know, like, he still wears a suit now. Well, not now, now. But you know what I mean? Like, at the end of his career when, like, nobody else was. So I feel like he, on the weekends, would just be like, all right, I'm just going to wear, like, whatever until I get back to my suit rotation, you know? So he's just like, grab and grab.

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uh, materials and new like designs. Uh've got new materials and new designs. So it's the real deal. Go to cutsclothing.com slash Clancy. So in honor of Logan and Floyd and these type of, you know, basically like, I mean, what's really happening in the world right now? When I was growing up and probably you the same who would win in a fight was my favorite game ever you're at a sleepover you stay up until like 4 in the morning

laying in bed and just rapping about that you pick two people and then you argue you're really spoiling one of my answers here for top 5 fights you're foreshadowing it I haven't said anything you're foreshadowing

let's just get into it it was my number 1 You're foreshadowing it. I haven't said anything. Yeah, you're foreshadowing it. Well, I mean, we did... Okay, well, let's just get into it. All right, number one pick. Go ahead. Well, it was my number one. Oh, Jesus. This kid's a fucking dickhead. I mean, I'm going to be honest.

It was my number two. Jesus. Fine. My number one is PJ Stock versus Habib. What? Yeah. You don't know. Well, you know Habib.

Soccer? Habib is... I mean, he's the guy who fought McGregor. He's the guy who fights Bears. Oh. Is it Habib or Khabib? I say Habib. I don't know.

I thought it was Khabib. There's a K there, but I think the K is silent. I don't know. Okay. And who is he fighting? PJ Stock, who if you know, you fucking know. PJ Stock was a, I had a jersey as a child that had PJ Stock's number which was 42 and my name on the back

Feidelberg because it was just like he was a Bruins legend oh okay he was a little fella who just beat the fucking bag out of people in fact I feel like I can't even talk about it without you at least knowing where I'm coming from

they're gonna be grainy footage um and just beat the shit out of people. In fact, I feel like I can't even talk about it without you at least knowing where I'm coming from. They're going to be grainy footage. You can just beat the shit out of people. Like, I mean, PJ Stock just loves fighting. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! He's doing a...

Oh my god! Go down, dude! Go down! He's doing a... Oh, my God. Go down, dude. Go down. That guy's just taking punches. Well, come on, man. God damn. Ah. Jesus.

This has to hurt so much he was doing that thing what was that thing where you punch until the head pops that was his thing too after every fight salute the crowd he was as far as local legends go

PJ Stock is probably the biggest in my lifetime where it was just like he wasn't very good he was fine P.J. Stock is probably the biggest in my lifetime. He wasn't very good. I mean, he was fine. He could fight in the NHL, but he was there to fight. And it was like the folklore surrounding him was showing up. It was almost like saying, is Gretzky going to score tonight?

You show up at the game, you're like, is P.J. Stock going to fight tonight? It was monstrous. So it's him versus Khabib because, you know, Khabib, like, the only person who could beat him is, like, a bear or this fucking guy. Or PJ Stock. I'll put my money on PJ Stock, by the way. In keeping with the internet theme, I don't want this to just be a fight. I want this to be, like, a blood sport, Jean-Claude Van Damme fight. I want them to, like, dip their fists in the glass and the hot oil and all that shit.

And I want Dixie and Charlie D'Amelio to fight. I want the D'Amelio girls to just beat the shit out of each other. For D'Amelio supremacy. I want these two little girls to get in the ring taped up with glass. You know that girls will have their sisterly fights where they unleash on each other. I want them to do it for pay-per-view. You know what's strange?

I feel like you making this life or death makes it less weird. Yeah, kind of. It's like, ah, we're being silly. Imagine if they just were bloodied up and it was just like, yeah, we beat the shit out of each other. We're in the same family. No, to the death. Let's make it funny that way.

Would you cover it in glass? Well, there is. I mean, we grew up in the celebrity deathmatch era. Right. That was a huge move by MTV. It was, I mean, people probably have no idea about that anymore, but it was Claymation. At the time, Mills Lane was the big referee from, like,

he was a boxing referee, right? Yes. So he said, his thing was, let's get it on. And so MTV came up with this little animated Claymation thing of from like, he was a boxing referee, right? Yes. So he said, his thing was, let's get it on! And so MTV came up with this little animated claymation thing of like, we'll do this game. All your favorite fantasy fights we'll make happen. But it was to the death. So people like, their heads were getting ripped off and shit, right? It was like crazy,

wasn't it? Oh, yeah. It was, you know, like silliness. It was exceptionally violent. Impossibly violent. Great! Great! I mean, that's what entertainment used to be now. You can never get away with it these days So yeah, I want those girls to beat each other to death I want Dixie licking the blood off her face Like wiping it on her face

Okay, number two is My dad vs. my friend Tom's dad Huge We argued about it all the time Okay, number two is my dad versus my friend Tom's dad. Ooh, huge. We argued about it all the time. I was like, my dad could kick your dad's ass. And he's like, no, my dad could kick your dad's ass. I was like, bro, your dad just plays video games. That's what makes him cool.

My dad's fucking actually cool. Yeah. And for some reason that mattered in the violence realm. Well, confidence is a thing in a fight, you know? Can I, I'm going to piggyback on this one. I want to see your dad versus you. No, I don't. We talk about it all the time.

And, I mean, he'll beat the fucking shit out of you. Yeah. I want to see you get beaten to a pulp by your father. He'd kick my ass. And that's not a knock on you. He would kick everybody in this office's ass. Right? Everybody.

I mean, I'm trying to, I mean, like, some of the big, big boys, like, I mean, not Willie. All right, he won't be Willie. Like, I don't know if you, like, can beat up, like, dogs or, you know, I feel like they just, like, absorb your punches. But out of the normal-sized humans, your father will beat anyone, maybe to the death. Maybe to death i've i've told the story before but when like probably when i was like 22 or whatever we were at the gym together and we're doing this workout he does which is a lot of like cardio and then like two minutes of hitting the bag yeah and cardio yeah yeah and i was listening to him hit the bag i was just like thank God you weren't a child abuser.

You would have killed me. I never really thought about it before. Just listening to him hit things, I was like, glad you didn't hit me. It's good that you haven't been sitting around like, I wonder what it's like if dad beat us. Okay, so that's two. That's two.

That's three to me. Four to the floor. I want to fight you for that comment. Five to the sky. Six, six, seven, no. Seven. Seven, heaven? Heaven.

But that's to the sky. Yeah, I think. So I think if you do five, wait, what's to the sky? I think I made that up. I don't know. Five skies, yeah, yeah, yeah. So stupid. Game sucks. I made that up. Five Skies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So stupid. Game sucks.

I love that game. That's a great game. Oh, I got it. Gorilla vs. Bear. We've been talking about it forever. We got it. Gorillas vs. Bear? Gorilla vs. Bear.

Gorilla vs. Bear, yes. The internet loves talking about it. I just got to see it. Yeah, Grizzly vs. Silverback, specifically, right? Which, by the way, I'm taking a bear. I'm taking a bear, and he will bring a sweat. I hate to do this, but I'm going to kind of piggyback on yours again because I want our ATI answered.

I want shark, polar bear, and a swimming pool. Yeah. Both of those. See, the bear versus the gorilla is an internet-wide thing. We and our caller fabricated this incredibly specific set of circumstances that I think is awesome. Could you imagine the paper bear? I think polar bears aren't as tough as people like to say. Really? I think they are.

Well, they say they're the toughest in the world. I think it's just because how bloody they look after a fight because they were all white. The white. Right. Hey, that matters too. If you were a black bear, I don't think you'd be as intimidating. It would be like, oh, that's so ferocious. It'd be like, that's a bear that just killed somebody. I think that you're talking a lot of shit, and I'd like to see a polar bear fuck you up because of it.

But that is a good... It might just be branding. I think it's optics. If you're blood-soaked, if you look like fucking Patrick Bateman after a fucking axe attack. Okay. But listen, we know. Like, okay. Yeah.

We know that in nature, animals do that shit. Like, they flex and they pump up and that, like, scares other animals away. So maybe that shark takes one look at a blood-covered polar bear and is like, I'm not fucking with this guy. It might. That might work. You're right. But I think a shark would.

Sharks also love blood and are attracted to it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Maybe not. Maybe not. Yeah. We're the ones attracted to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Maybe not. They'd be like – Yeah, we're the ones scared of blood.

Yeah. We devour it. Fuck yeah, dinner time, baby. Yeah, yeah. But the – I mean the finally answering bear versus gorilla would – that would like change the course of nature. I feel like on like planet Earth, they'd be like, the silverback gorilla in the wild, but remember it suffered that embarrassing loss in the 2020 pay-per-view against the grizzly.

Your reputation is never the same after that. You're fucked. Four? Me versus Pluto. The planet? No, the Disney mascot. When I was a kid, he spoke to me in his regular voice And it really pissed me off Put some effort into it, Pluto!

You're supposed to be a fucking mascot That stuck with you, huh? Yeah That really stuck with you He's like, alright, next one He was like, hey, how you doing, kid? You got smoke on you? Wait, wait

Who does the... Goofy Goofy, nevermind, it's Goofy. Fuck Goofy. Pluto is just a dog. I don't think he talks. Yeah. No, no.

Goofy, like... There was some debate, by the way. Next kid. What are you talking about? Like, this is how he's done. Right, right. However Goofy's supposed to... Don't fucking talk to me like that.

Yeah. I think there was some debate about whether Goofy was a dog or a cow recently, wasn't there? What? Yeah. It was whether or not... I think those old Disney cups said that he was a muskrat. What? You remember those old glasses? Is that the mouse?

Muskrat? Not exactly. He is far too big to be a mouse. I thought Goofy was, I thought there was some talk about him being a cow because he dates a cow. And I was like, oh, I think that's just a cow fucking. Wow, interracial, okay. How old were you when you found out Goofy is a cow because he dates a cow. And I was like, oh, I think that's just a cow fucking a cow. Wow, anti-racial, okay. How old were you when you found out Goofy is a cow? Each species is different.

Is Disney Goofy a cow? Goofy has always been thought of as an anthropomorphic dog or a dog with human features. However, according to Disney's mouse links, what the Disney establishment isn't telling you is that Goofy is really a cow. That might be like a conspiracy thing. That started real...

That sounded real until I read what the Disney establishment isn't telling you. I think it's just that he's an interspecies fucker. Goofy was created in 1932 and his original name was Dippy Dog. So he's definitely a... He's a dog.

A dog. But he does... It's a weird looking dog. I don't think he's, like Pluto's a dog. He's anthropomorphic. Anthropomorphic. Anthropomorphic. But he definitely has some weird, I'll tell you what, no.

No, I'm looking at him now. I mean, he's decidedly not even close to a cow. It's just a fucking dog with long dog ears. Name me a cow that has a snout like that. Do people not know what cows are? That's as dog-like as you get. Yeah, for real. Anthromorphically.

We should come up with a segment that uses that term as much as possible to make Fuddleburg say it. I'm going to go back. I'm going to hop in the time machine here. I want to go back to her prime and I want my mother versus the receipt checkers at Home Depot.

I want to see her just unleash and beat one of their faces. Those poor bastards. All they wanted to do was just, just tick your receipt. We could have been stealing for all we want. We could have had a fucking flat screen TV in there and our receipt could have said like three light bulbs and he would have gone,

just keep it moving. And every time my mother started, are you accusing me? Are you accusing me of, of being a thief? Do I look like I'm stealing to you? And I would put my head down and then the police would come and it was a whole fucking thing and just once i would love to be like all right

mom put your money where your mouth doesn't fucking fight these people just start beating on their faces and i'll tell you what she's five foot nothing and i think i would take her in her prime in her prime her nickname is uh is uh Killin' Kathy Clancy. What? One time. That is such a good intro. Yeah. Raccoon Killin' Kathy Clancy.

Yep. What a fucking name. And my dad does it like every single day. She hates it. Why? Along with his pants. She's clearly killed Raccoon before. Well, not killed, but we were living in Pennsylvania at the time. We had just gotten our family dog, Jax, the guy before Duncan.

And he was like a pup. And he was on our back deck. It was during the day, so it was like a fucked up raccoon. And all of a sudden, she just heard like a commotion. And this raccoon, it was daytime, so it was probably like rabid, had Jax, who was probably still, I think we were still like counting in weeks. He was so young. Like pinned on his back and was just like clawing him and shit.

What? Jax was like, you know, just yelping. And my mom, like, didn't know what to do. She was banging pots, trying to get him to stop. And he wouldn't. So she just fucking bowed, just teed off and went fucking Jason Elam on him. Just like a 63 yard field goal. And she said, I mean, in her mind, who knows,

but she said it flew across the deck and then scurried away, and she saved his life. So raccoon killing Kathy Clancy was born that day. So maybe you want to see that fight. Maybe you should see my mom versus a raccoon. That raccoon bring her back. Like the garbage man. Was it the Raccoon King or something? Yeah, what was his name?

Raccoon Whisper? No, no, no, no. The guy who fought in Rough and Rowdy who came out in the garbage can. He was definitely Raccoon King or something? Yeah, what was his name? Raccoon Whisper? No, no, no, no. The guy who fought in Rough and Rowdy who came out in the garbage can. He was definitely Raccoon something. Yeah, I think it was just Raccoon Boy, wasn't it? Something like that. He came out in a trash can. Him versus Kathy Clancy.

That's a fight. That's a fight. Your last one? Two cocks. What? You want to see two cocks fight? You want to see cock fighting? I want to go with cock fight.

I want to make Nate put two cocks on the graphic. See, I'd rather see two dicks fight. Whacking each other with them. Just like Mandingo versus Lex Steel. Yeah. Yeah. In a fight or a dick fight? Both. Yeah. Both. You know how you guys giraffe each other when you call it? I want them to do that with their dicks. Whack. Yeah Yeah Yeah In a fight A fight or a dick fight? Both

Yeah Both You know how you guys Giraffe each other When you call it I want them to do that With their dicks God that would hurt man

That would hurt If you were swinging Like an 18 Incher like flaccid And it was like Thumping like It would hurt Yeah big time

Big time Part of me also though Sometimes feels like Your dick Is almost indestructible Your balls, terrible. But you could run over my dick with a car. You know? If you put my dick on the

ground and just ran over it with a car, I think I'd be okay. I think you're right. And then your dick's there. But I don't know, like also if you like flick the tip of it, it hurts, but like... Right, and then it would just come back. Yeah, it's like Alex Mack. It's like Alex Mack your dick is made out of the same stuff Alex Mack

the secret life of Alex Mack she would just fucking turn into a liquid and slide under her door and then get hard yeah get hard Alex Mack in school is just a wreck yeah it's just an erect penis person you're an erect penis person Alex Mack you're not a super power you is just a wreck. Yeah, it's just an erect penis person. You're an erect penis person, Alex Mack.

You're not a superpower. You're just a penis person. So what's your final pick there? We went all over the place. How about Alex Mack versus my cock? I'd like to see a cock fight. We were supposed to go once in Puerto Rico. We went to San Juan. I don't think I do want to see that.

Fun fact about San Juan and Puerto Rico, their names are reversed. Their names are reversed. Yeah, the cartographer fucked up. It's supposed to be Juan's. San Juan is supposed to be the name of the country. names are reversed. Yeah, the cartography fucked up. It's supposed to be Juan. San Juan is the name of the country. Puerto Rico is the name of the town. Huh.

Puerto Rico means beautiful port. Got it. And the whole country is not a port. Right. The whole country is San Juan. Isn't that funny, by the way, that there's... Yeah, well, that would be weird. Because if it was San Juan, and then there's an island called St. John, right?

Or no? I just assume, like, in the Saints, there's a St that would be weird because if it was san juan and then there's there's an island called saint john right or no i just assume like in the in the in the saints there's a saint john no uh i don't i'm i'm gotta be right to believe you if not we gotta open up a saint we gotta open up an island called saint john um little little saint john right little saint john is the felix is the uh ep Oh, yes, you're right. We're off track here. What was my answer? Oh, yeah. So we were in St. Juan, and my brother was the bitch.

Really? They have this humongous, it's like an arena, a cockfighting arena. I could handle that better. I think I had to be far away. If I was up close, Portnoy has scared me off of this He said he went to one and he was truly disturbed by it. Really? Just pecking to death and blood. And they sharpen their talons.

They tie knives to it. I did a bullfight. That was disturbing. Yeah, that's tough. He's become incontinent. He's pissing and shitting and limping around the ring. I don't want to see that. I did my experiencing the culture. I saw my one fight see that. I did my, like, I'm experiencing the culture. I saw my one fight.

Give me the fuck out of here. Right, right. But still, it just haunts me to this day, my brother being like, I don't want to go see that. And me and my dad were like, all right, I guess we won't go see it. So then my dad and I just roamed San Juan looking for a bar that was showing the Bruins game. Well, we ain't going to get a real taste of the local flavor.

Let's go watch PJ Stoke fight. PJ Stoke. Stoke. But to be fair, it was the playoffs. So we were thinking like the minute NBC or NBC Sports or something like that. And it turns out we fucking couldn't ask him how to change the channel. Yeah, that's not happening. That's not happening.

Can you put on the Bruins game? No, we cannot. We don't speak Spanish, bro. Yeah, that's not happening. That's not happening. Can you put on the Broads game? No, we cannot. Wheels for Spanish, bro. Yeah, that's not happening. All right, last pick for me. I mean, honestly, we could do like a 50, top 50 of this because I could go through television shows. I want to see like actors fight each other.

Oh, I thought your thing was going to be Mandingo versus Black Steel because honestly, that's a good answer. I'm just thinking if there's any other porn angle I'd rather see. You have to have dread in there. The winner has to face dread. What if I could do like a mixed tag team fight? Mandingo and Lex Steel are the guys versus... Oh, they're just going to beat up women?

Well, girls, girl, girl. Like intersex, mixed-sex tag team. The girls, I would want to see. You've got to have Sasha Gray in there, I feel like. Yeah, you know what? I feel like she's like, I feel like Sasha Gray can take it and dish it out. You think? Yeah.

I mean, I know she can take it. We've seen her take it. I think, like, Adriana Cechik versus, like, Adriana Cechik is like Drago. She's a piece of iron. No, she's like Rocky. Adriana Cechik is like Rocky, where she can just take a beating and keep going. Adriana Cechik is like, I was thinking, like, Joker. Yeah.

She's a wild card. She'll kill her partner. She'll kill Mandingo and Lexington. But, like, I was thinking Joker. Yeah. She's a wild card. She'll kill her partner. She'll kill Mandingo and Lexington. Yeah. She's the last one standing. You're all dead. I think Sasha Gray could be, or whoever you're going to choose, it could be like on fucking Adriana Cech just beating the fucking shit out of her

and all Adriana Cech is going to do is squirt. Yeah, just laugh and squirt. More. More. Just getting punched in the face and squirt. Like, more, more. She's getting punched in the face, just blasting. You know? God, she's a queen. She's the best.

You know who would be actually a really good one? Like, an actual one is No Face Girl has beef with, well, Leo Lulu has beef with No Face Girl. Why? Because they're like the top of the no-showing face game. And Leo Lulu is like, they're Girl. Why? Because they're like the top of the no showing face game. And Leo Lulu is like, they're kind of like insecure bitches about it. They like unfollowed them and stuff like that. And the other, No Face Girl and her boyfriend are like, whatever, we don't care.

You fuck with No Face, I fuck with No Face, whatever. But I think Asa once called them the face of No Face. And Leo Lulu was like, fuck that. Like got all catty about it. So those two going at it? In masks? Me too. I was like, let's stir this up.

I am sufficiently turned on. That's the pick. And then Mandingo and Lexington will see, oh fuck them. We all win. We all win. I was thinking about the possibilities of this top five. You could be like, I want to see like Charlie fight Frank.

Yeah, that's a good one. Right. I want to see Mac versus Dennis. I want to see, you know, all your favorite movies, all your in real life actors. You know, I want to see like, you know, Tom Cruise represents Scientology fighting like Mel Gibson versus for Christianity. Like crazy shit like that you know we could really go down this rabbit hole deep so I mean

that's all really there's something primal and that's why this Floyd and Logan shit is so cool I think Logan versus Jake is what I want to see I think that's inevitable and then the brothers will fight one day and some Cain and Abel biblical type shit but there's just something incredibly primal and basic instinct about like we just want to see fights

and bragging rights supremacy we have a weird bloodlust and like there's a fight in the street you stop to watch absolutely there's a video you watch the only thing I can't watch is when someone's knocked out cold and people are still punching

them and their fists are like falling off their head there's no give between the head and them and their fists are like falling off their head. There's no give between the head and the concrete. So just like skirts off your face. I can't watch those. Those that's that's too much for me. Pretty much everything else. Unconscious people being beaten. Yes.

Hurts. Hurts. OK, so, yeah, get us get at us with your top five fights you want to see. Fictional, realistic, historical, real, fake, animals, humans, whatever. At KFC Radio on Twitter. Top five. Let's get into our voicemails. They are brought to you by Blue Nile.

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and he wouldn't leave the store without getting insurance yeah yeah like sitting don't trust yourself at all they're like you have to leave he's like i'm not leaving until i get notice from my insurance agent that this is officially covered you know what i always wondered too by the way it's like if you leave a diamond district spot like people might just assume you yeah you're just like it's gonna get knocked over the head and get your pockets run you know uh so everything's insured everything ships for free and arrives in discreet packaging so it won't give away the gift so shop stress-free and find your forever peace at blue niall.com promo code kfc voicemails let's go hey guys uh first time caller here. You know, with COVID, you know, the second wave coming back, I think it's good to mention and bring up again that, you know, I've had this happen to me twice now in the past of like maybe a month that I asked girls out on a date, you know, you know, a nice simple date and they say, oh, I have COVID. Now, they could be. They could have it.

God forbid, you know. But they also could be lying because I don't see why any girl would not want to go on a date with me. I mean, that's just me. Like, let's be honest. It's happened to me twice in the past month. No coincidence here. Do you guys think that girls would do that? Do you think they would lie and say, oh, I have COVID.

I can't go. Do you think girls would pull that? I think. I want to hear you guys' advice. Do you think they would lie and say, oh, I have COVID, I can't go? Do you think girls would pull that? I think there is a 100% chance that anybody who would say that on a voicemail is getting ditched by girls. 200% chance. 3,000% chance. Why wouldn't a girl ever want to go on a date with me? The type of guy who says that is the type of guy who girls say, I got COVID, what up what up that is that is if you're if you've got to say that then like my

point stands like you know what i mean like like if you are the type of guy who girls would never say that to you don't have to say it we all know it right you know it's like fucking dicaprio can could doesn't have to say who wouldn't want to go out on a date with me? We all know it. If you have to say it, buddy, it's like if you have to ask, you can't afford it. If you have to say that, you are the type to get ditched by a girl who's lying and saying she has COVID. You asshole. And where are you

meeting these girls? Because if it's on Tinder, then I guess that's one thing. But if they're hearing your voice, because you do sound like someone who might kidnap somebody. Yeah, terrible. So if it's on if it's on, we're talking on the phone. Run that back, Nick. Let the people hear it again with that in mind. I think I'd be like, you know what?

I have COVID. Yeah. Hey, guys. First time caller here. Oh, you're kidnapping the shit out of me. First time caller, long time kidnapper. I'm going to throw you in the back of my Honda Civic. And yeah. Oh, my God. This guy sucks. First time caller, long time kidnapper. I'm going to throw you in the back of my Honda Civic.

And yeah, oh my God. This guy sucks. I feel bad because he's clearly a listener and a fan. And I appreciate you. But they're definitely lying to you. Yeah. They're definitely. And I'll be honest.

I think you deserve it. Yeah. I think you might. I don't like to victim blame. I don't know if I'd call you so much of a victim here. I feel like they are just prevented victims. Yeah. This is pre-crime. This is stopping pre-crime. I think't know if I'd call you so much of a victim here. I feel like they are just preventive victims. This is pre-crime. I think it's your fault.

I mean that we talked a lot recently about having some confidence and how you should have it and you shouldn't talk down upon yourself but then there's also like realism and being realistic with yourself. Be pragmatic. Why did I say Joe? I don't know. Joe is his name now you know i i feel like i'm a pretty good date i feel like i can

take you out and show you a good time i feel like uh if you were so inclined i could fuck you pretty good but to say that out loud to other people to be like why would anybody ever pull up an excuse to get out of a date with me? See, I'm also the exact opposite. You don't think you're a good date? I think I'm a bad date. Really? I don't think I'm not a good date.

I would imagine I'm a bad date. I mean, the museum thing was all time. That's like literally once. That's one more than I have. It's been 32 years. I have literally one good example. I don't know. We always talk about how you're comfortable at a bar and stuff.

I feel like you're better than you might realize. I think I go to dinner. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Why? What do you think you do wrong? I don't know.

I just think I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, heavens knows I, I haven't been. You also never got any dates. Right. How do you know?

Yeah, that's true. I've never, I've never been on a date really. Well, I have, but you know what I mean? I've been on a few dates.

I think I'm a pretty good date. I think I'm an enjoyable, ever been on a date really like i have but you know what i mean i've been on a few dates and i think i'm a pretty good date i think i'm an enjoyable i think you'll enjoy your time with me whether or not you like fall in love with me i don't know but i don't think i don't think i would ever be getting like the you know call me at like 8 30 and say that i have a fucking uh okay i'll give myself an emergency to get out you know i like that loop. You're not going to fall in love with me. But I bet I could always get a second date. That's what I mean. You'd always be like, alright, let's see one more time.

I'll give myself even less than that. When you go home, if we don't go home that night, and your girlfriends say, how was it? I think you'd be like, it was nice, it was fun. It was fun. You'd be like, oh my god, never again. He would never be like, it was a disaster. He was rude. He was

bad manners. He wasn't funny. I'll at least get like, he's a nice guy. Not a perfect match. Cupid didn't hit me, but he's a nice guy. But neither did he. Right.

Alright, next. KFC fightb fight everybody else what's up first time long time so everybody's been getting their uh spotify wrap-ups here for 2020 uh you guys were my number one so thanks for that thank you but it did get me thinking uh what do you guys think your pornhubub wrap up? Oh, I meant to do this. Fuck. Top artist. Favorite genre. Hours that you watched. Yeah. Yeah. Let us know.

I wanted to do this as a segment. We can do it right now. I wanted to do like Pornhub and also kind of like real life. Just like what's your life wrap up? You know, you spent you had this many drinks. You like slept this many hours. You but Pornhub is one that I would not like to see oh i'd love to see i would like to see like other people's i would not want to see mine and i would not want mine

to be made i don't think i think it would be almost depressingly low low what like like time spent watching real oh well because it's so quick yeah yeah i'm not more about time i'm more about like the you know here's what you watch, here are the categories that you... because I see that recommended for me sometimes, and it is scary. Yeah, I like it. I don't know. There was a time in my life when I was embarrassed of it, and now I'm like, fuck yeah.

Sometimes I think the simulation's... Sometimes I think the simulation's broken, though. I got a lot of ebony in there, and I'm just like, that's just not my jam. Also, why is it called ebony porn? That sounds very racist. It sounds super racist. Do we call regular porn ivory porn?

Ebony sounds like, you know, I've always thought the term black is pretty bad. The blacks. How is that not fucking racist? You threw a southern accent on it. But the word, you know, the blacks, like the black votes, like they're not fucking black. The is the problem here. But no, yes,

but black is, should be the problem. But no, I think, I think black people like, like stop calling us African Americans.

We're black. Yeah, but isn't that weird? Well, they're not black. Whatever you want me to call you. This is black. Yeah,

I guess. It's just a very extreme. I'm very amenable to whatever changes you want whatever you guys want to call it literally any person in the world I don't even care what your name is KFC? sure there you go you got it

yeah Ebony sounds weird I think it would be depressing to love because I've had a change recently in my pornography viewing. And what I do very often is I don't even click on the video anymore. I just, like, put in someone's name and then just scroll their page and watch the little animations and let the thumbnails run. Till you come? You had that so disappointed. run till you come because i do like the little what revolutionized the game was the the mouse

hovering and like the yeah you got also snapshots of what you're about to watch not i wouldn't do this i wouldn't do this on a computer i do it like on my phone uh-huh because then it's just that one one uh video is on the screen yes yes yes um so it's a little bigger but no no i wouldn't do it on a computer with a mouse hovering but just like when like that's the one video is on the screen. Yes, yes, yes. So it's a little bigger. But no, no, I wouldn't do it on a computer with a mouse hovering. But just like when that's the one video that's up on your screen, it starts to preview. Yeah. And yeah, I've definitely come from that. You have come. What are you talking about?

Why are you so surprised? From the snapshot gif, basically. You're coming from a gif. Many of them. You sit there and just start cracking it while watching the same five or six slides rotate. We were talking about Chechik earlier.

So you can put in Chechik and then it's just like, okay, I'll watch a little bit of this one. I know. It's like five or six scenes and then this one. know and then but then it's like you know five or six scenes and then this one and that that is you know what that is you know what that is that's like the ad generation of porn yeah right maybe i'm maybe i'm a little too old for that i feel like i kind of missed the adhd like riddlin era back in my day those kids were still called stupid you know so i feel like my i'm not jumping around as much as you are I feel like I need a little bit more than a goddamn gift.

You're like the modern era, I like a story. Yes. I want to watch fucking Red Zone. You want to see a drive get put together. Absolutely. I want the ins and outs, quite literally. So that would be your wrap-up, I guess. You're just watching previews.

I would guess my... All right, so i would guess most i i i don't know because i i very regularly just go to recommended for you yeah it could be like i there was a time when i was always like all right i'm gonna watch this porn star today i mean i i would guess chet is probably one um let's if we had to said that was such a smirk like oh i guess she's the goat like i guess you know what i have been doing recently is almost i think i'm getting too deep into the pornhub game man i'm checking like rankings have you noticed rankings i i treat we're gonna these days like college basketball just because

a new college football show yeah us doing porn the ap rankings like i used to get so when i watched college basketball can't believe texas isn't in the playoff right now yes are you kidding me what is the committee thinking not getting a and m top four jimbo fish has really turned that program around that's how i'm gonna talk about jane wilde yes yes when i when i see some of these rankings and i'll tell you what forever i just said forever because uh i want to fuck forever daddy popped up on my on my screen um when i see some of these rankings a lot of times they're pretty accurate i'm like yo that girl put in a performance and then i look and and it's like, she's ranked like 110th in the world out of like

millions, right? If you're in the top like 100, you are in like the top. Oh, I see. I thumb my nose at anything not top 10. See, I'm more impressed. I'm more impressed when I find a girl who's like,

okay, Sweet Bunny. i found her the other day you know her no idea she's the 43rd highest ranked porn star and i was like you know i'm enjoying this but then she was actually an example i looked at it i was like 43rd what the fuck she's pretty fucking standard pretty fucking average and i was like intrigued i'm like well i gotta look at the other rankings who's 42ndnd? Who's 44th? I got to start looking. And next thing you know, I'm probably jerking off the stats. I'm like, oh, and it's got an arrow. She's trending up or trending down.

It's crazy. She's trending up? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. She's got a green arrow going up. Let me see this thing. See that?

Like at the top there? Very top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah so like i don't know she's very attractive yeah but i also like would you call her like you know again 40 43 is like well you know what really jumped out at me about this chick i don't know if i should be talking about these things she had penis she had like five or six dildos right i didn't watch it because it had it had a price tag it was like 18.99 to buy it or whatever she had she had a um what are you doing over there you're making me nervous i'm just looking at it i destroyed my fucking phone. Yeah, yeah, clearly.

And I think it was like for her OnlyFans. So there's a lot of like solo work going on these days because OnlyFans. She had like five fake dicks that all had the fake cum in it. You know, but like there was, well, you know, the fake cum in the dicks. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. But you know, there's that one. There's that one website where the dick is super fake and the cum is like yeah yeah and she's just like like just blasting herself in her living room for her only fans you know and what i want to see this is how sick i am this is what ran through my head

i would love to watch the behind the scenes of that when the camera stops. And then you talk about that post nut clarity moment when this girl, it's not post nut for her because she's not really coming. She's putting on a show. So she's like, this is just work for her. But that's like Friday at 5 p.m. for her. The stream ends. The OnlyFans is done.

And now she's standing there alone in her living room covered in fake cum with five or six fake dicks like stuccoed to the wall fucking suction cup to the wall and she's just like alright the weekend's here like time to hit the shower time to have a cocktail like let me call my friends

what's doing this weekend I think there's a lot of a lot of wiping things up where you're just like, what am I doing? What the fuck? Yeah. Or it's the opposite. Or she's like, I'm going to get so rich.

Like, I nailed that performance, and next week I'm going to do 2,000 subscriptions at $20 a pop. Fucking cake is going to be rolling in. That's true. Probably that one. Probably. That's what's true. Probably that one. Probably. That's what's crazy. These fucking OnlyFan girls or any of these porn stars who are in control of their own fate.

I mean, you can just... It's not a rocket science. You know what I mean? You are in control of your own destiny. You know the formula. We always say, just show me your asshole. You're alone in your living room.

Just show me your asshole and you're going to get $200,000 a week. Just put things in your butt. That's it. Done. Done. Hang out and just put stuff in your butt and you'll be rich. Girls, what's wrong with you? It's so easy. I would do it if I could. I swear to God I would. Last voicemail, for the love of God.

Brought to you by Fleischman. thank god it's a friend of ours with that lead in sorry erica my hair has been my hair is long again i am like in in like pre like mid quarantine mode i mean i'm like down yeah nose man I'm like almost down into my fucking mouth and I'll tell you what I feel like I should use a haircut myself it's still the best part about Fleischmann hang on can I say the best part about Fleischmann

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and it's basically truth or dare and then if you don't do it it has how many seconds you drink for right um and uh we flipped it and and it was my girlfriend got it, and it was go around the room and smell everyone's hair and decide who has the best. And she came back, and she's like, I was fucking hoping it wouldn't be you, but it's you. It's the Fleischman difference, man. I made a video for Fleischman the other day.

I got to send it. I mean, this was my hair. That's where my hair is at my hair. Like, that's where my hair is at right now. Oh, that looks very nice. But, I mean, out of control at the same time, too. And in 60 seconds, I don't know if you can see that, Nick, or we can put it in somehow.

I just used the hair cream, just like, rub it in my hands, like, rub it through my hair. Done. That's it. Done. It was all tamed. It was like it went from a wild fucking beast to just, like, it in my hands, like rub it through my hair. Then that's it done. It was all tamed. It was like it went from a wild fucking beast to just like down on the sides, down in the back, like good to go. So the difference with Fleischman, if you get the haircut, then you really know.

But even if you if you don't, if you're not in New York and can't get her to cut your hair, the products you could have like fresh haircut. You can be in the middle. You can be like growing it long You can be growing it long. You can control your hair. No problem. The beast is tamed for me when I have the hair cream, the hair paste. Tame the beast, bro.

It is. It's like an energy drink. This mop is out of control when I let it just go. I just go and I just pull the sides down, flick it over. Good. Done. Good to go. All you need is a little bit of sea salt, a little bit

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Otherwise, this, you can go eight weeks, 10 weeks, 12 weeks. I'm probably at, like, months at this point right now. I've probably only been there probably, like, three times since, like, the beginning of the pandemic. Like, once it opened, I've only gone a couple times. Yeah. So, uh, hair that hair styles and hair products that last save you money on needing to go every month, every week, every how often you go.

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So I'm a paramedic. I have a, had a partner who's also a paramedic, you know. We're working one day after a call. We're still at the hospital, you know, cleaning everything up, getting ready for the next call. And she's scrolling on her phone, and I see she's on OnlyFans. All right, you know, I can see the interface. So I kind of look over her shoulder, and I find out that she's on her OnlyFans account.

So, of course, I take this. I look it up. I subscribe to it, you know, with an account that doesn't have my name, and I start telling people about it. I look it up. I subscribe to it, you know, with an account that doesn't have my name. And I start telling people about it. You know, my friends, other, nobody that I work with, but other people from other ambulance companies that I'm buddies with, whatever. Well, it spread like wildfire to the point where the next day when I come in at work, people are asking me, did you hear about this? This is crazy. And I play dumb.

You know, I play dumb about it. Well, my work fired her for it. Now, one of my friends is saying I feel guilty that I got her fired, I got her life ruined, you know, all that. Where I don't feel guilty because, one, she put it up there knowing what she was doing. And, two, she just find another job or become an OnlyFans full time. Let me know what you guys think. Should I feel guilty? I mean, everything he said there is correct, but I think you still feel guilty. I think, yeah.

I mean, look look all you were doing was promoting a small business for sure that's i mean if i think anybody who does only fans also once told me this like because i was like can you really stay anonymous you know like can these people who don't show their face or doing only fans with a fake name really stay anonymous and she was like i tell everyone to always operate that like you will get found out because like you will get found out because that's just how it goes whether or not like that means your ex finds it or your family finds it or like a whole company finds it but like somebody's gonna find out you're not gonna remain anonymous so i feel like you have to go into it being like

knowing the risks and if it does happen because what you want is someone to see it and promote it and tell other people so the word of of mouth spread, it just happened to spread. You're not putting your fucking pussy on the internet hoping you don't make money. I hope nobody sees this. You can hope for anonymity, but also you prefer. Anonymity is not even a prefer thing or a preferential thing. You want people to see it. So if you're putting your naked body on the internet, you hope to make money.

You hope people see it. Now, you could get really picky and be like, I hope that 99% of the world watches and then the 1% my job doesn't. But the day that it crosses over into work, I think you have to be like, well, I knew this day was coming. Yeah. Or like you got fired from Deloitte. Right. You're doing another job. And that's what your dream is.

I knew the walls were closing in. Right. Yes. But like, I'm going to ride this until it breaks. But it's probably going to break. But it's going to break. right you're doing another job and that's what your walls were closing right yes but like yes you're like i'm gonna ride this until it breaks but it's probably but it's gonna break now i think that for all i know maybe this guy shouldn't be should not be guilty because maybe she's like like i was with deloitte like fuck it i think if it's spread that fast that means she's got something you know what i mean so i think she should take that as the sign like i'm just gonna go do this i'm gonna focus on this and make bank that way um yet all that being

said if i was the one cause of it i'd be like well fuck i didn't want to get fired right i'm not gonna like lose sleep over it yeah i prefer that didn't happen i feel bad you had a good thing going where like like okay so to continue that analogy like where i was double dipping at deloitte if i wrote something and it like spread through the office and like went super viral on the internet i well no i think i just talked myself out of it if i if i put something out on barstool i was at deloitte that went so viral and specifically went through my office because one guy like recommended it to everyone i would be like oh good man like i wouldn't be like fuck you dude oh no definitely you know yeah so there's a little bit of an x factor obviously with like the naked body element here but not really it's like you got fired for putting out internet content if i put out some internet content that got so

popular throughout like the accounting world that it was being spread across you know he said all these other ambulance companies if i went viral through the big four accounting firm i'd be like okay i'm fucking good at this i'm gonna go do this full time like i know what you know so i would almost be like thank you set me free from this paramedic bullshit yeah if she was if she's upset by it if you see her like crying in the corner like well yeah i make a little bit of money on only fans but not enough to like support myself i'd be like yeah i feel bad about. But it's really not your fault. Also, what is her OnlyFans? I was going to say.

Also, I feel like this chick, if she's smart, she should put this out there, and you can have a lawsuit, and you're the hot paramedic. Her OnlyFans should be OnlyFans.com slash hot paramedic. Because that's the shit that people would watch. Let me see. Paramedic, fired OnlyFans. See if hot paramedics. Yeah. You know, cause that's the shit that, that people would watch. Let me see paramedic fired only fans.

See if that even pops up. Meet the firefighter who got fired for fire. Instagram meet the firefighter who got fired for fire. Instagram content, paramedic fired after ignoring dead man. Nope. That's not it. Yeah.

I mean, it's not out there. But another one was firefighter claims. She was fired over racy Instagram photos. And like, I mean, it's not out there, but another one was, firefighter claims she was fired over racy Instagram photos, and like, I remember this one, and I looked at her, and she was hot, and she has like the firefighter look, and... She's more of like a

bodybuilder. Oh, yeah. But yeah, I mean, if I, if you showed me, like, that's the next level of OnlyFans, where it's like, yeah, I want to see like these hot chicks hot chicks, but if it's, like, also got a theme to it. Sign your boy up. Have you still been dabbling? I really never got into it the way even you did, and I certainly haven't, like.

I think you guys got in my own head, where you were, like, you're spending, like, $100 on OnlyFans every fucking. You were pretty liberal with it. I was super liberal. So yeah, the only person I'm subscribed to right now is Asa's free one. Right. By the way, that's a great move to do the free one and try to make money other ways. It must be so weird making memes of yourself fingering your pussy. What's in the box?

She's the goat. She's the fucking goat man it's unbelievable uh so final answer for me is i would feel guilty but i would not feel responsible that's fair yeah that's the perfect way to put it and also holler at us for real we can we can if you're listening dm us with the fucking literally tell me the actually you know what i mean give it to us and we should promote that girl yeah we should we should give it to us so we can watch it and masturbate to it but also we should hook her up where he's like there's so many websites which ones did he put you on yo and what's the fucking url dude you know what to uh uh you know to atone for your sins it's like she got you got her fired but

you're about to get her a boatload of subscriptions if you put it out there so why don't you holler at us man uh i'd like to see this naked woman yes please boys uh interview time with you want to talk about goat with the goat personally my favorite person to ever be on this show. And I feel like I've said that at times, and I feel like I've said that for different, my favorite TV characters, my favorite actors, guys that I've just come, Joe Manganiello we're talking to today for a later episode.

He's a guy who I've just grown to know and like, and I've declared all these people kind of the best or my favorite or the goat. But Bryan Cranston, he's the best actor on the best tv show i've ever watched he is seems to be one of the best guys he's i mean he came up in seinfeld and then had his own hit he's versatile he's funny he i mean he's just he's can do he can do theater i mean he's the fucking he is all that is man. He is perfect.

And then this interview was so fucking good that I was like, God, I think he's officially replacing The Rock for me as far as find a person who can tell you one bad thing about Bryan Cranston because you're never going to find it. That's true. Also, I have a new answer for The Rock. It's when he almost beat mankind to death. I heard about that. He did a pretty bad thing. He did a pretty bad thing. He did a pretty bad thing. So The Rock only has one bad thing, but it was almost like killing a man.

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Get 15% off and knock out your Christmas shopping today. What's happening? How we doing? Hello, sir. How are you? Good, guys. How are you? We can't see you at the moment.

I can hear you. I just can't see you. Can't see. hear you i just can't see you can't see oh wait a minute there we go beautiful there he is the man himself mr cranston how are you i'm real good are you yeah yeah i mean uh you know what a year jesus yeah i mean that hasn't been easy huh it's not been easy um yeah it was it's been very challenging for a lot of different people for many different reasons and um you know hopefully there'll be some peace at the end of it and i'm looking for some quiet time and just kind of slide into the next year and say goodbye yeah just like yep slip out like well let's do a little Irish goodbye on 2020, you know, just leave it and be gone.

Right. Leave it. What do we got behind you on the wall there? What's that? That's a an old fashioned painting. Very classy. My ancestor pointing to a tree and saying, I'm just going to go over here and take a pee. I got to say, Brian Cranston, you just seem like a delightful dude.

I am. You are. I am a joy. Yeah. I mean, I've never enjoyed. There certainly hasn't ever been a you're one of the people I feel like there's not like a bad story about you, certainly. But then even every time I see you on camera or or wherever

you're just a just a nice guy it seems like why don't you shut the fuck up see he's the best he's the best i love it man i am i gotta be honest i was nervous to do this but now i'm like all right this guy's awesome let's go uh we just watched the trailer for your honor and it looks fucking awesome it looks really really good and i'm not just saying that because you're on i mean it it looks like an intense great show and i'm looking for one i need one on the weekend so i'm bummed for it this will go into your veins now yeah for the next the next 10 weeks oh baby it's 10 10 one hour episodes uh it's really exciting and you know i don't know if you guys are you guys uh parents yet i am i got two kids yeah two kids well this premise got me because i'm a parent and you think okay what would

you do yeah how far would you go to save the life of your child? Yeah. That's really the question. Right. Mom's son gets into an accident, and he leaves the accident. He's filled with anxiety. He's upset, and he makes this mistake. The kid he hit dies, and it's horrible.

That alone would be a horrible thing to face. I convince him to do the right thing. He's got to turn himself in, or he'll forever be having a stain on his soul. You've got to do this right now. So I take him to the police station. We're going to turn him into the judicial system. And I notice there's grieving parents in one part of the police station. And I find out it's they're the parents of boy.

And I know that guy, the man is a extremely dangerous mob boss. Not what you want to see. Not great. So in that moment, with that element included in the scenario i tell my kid get back out we're going i think it's a totally relatable and understandable feeling in that moment like you know i mean what would take out the mob boss you if it was if it was just hit if you hit and run because that's also what's scary about this is it does seem like something that could happen. A kid who panics.

They're not a good driver. They do run from the scene because they're scared. Would you tell him to turn him in in that case? Yeah. If it was the mob boss, what would you do? Bye-bye. Yeah? I mean, I really think I would, right?

Yes, you would. And I tell you, I've told that premise to friends and family and everybody I tell that I say, what would you do? I go, I do the same thing. So I said, you, you'd become a criminal thinking that your son or daughter's life is in danger. And I said, yeah, I'd become a criminal. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, what happens then is that you're the natural animal instinct of protection just comes over you and you say, I got it. That's my job. I got to protect my kid. I'll tell you what, you're both better parents than my mother because my mother always told me as a child, if you get caught doing anything, I will testify for the prosecution prosecution it was a regular thing told to us at dinner like just so you know i'll never lie for you i'll never protect you he's a hard ass polly does not mess around brian polly is no joke i mean my my oldest she's young so i'm new to this parent thing she's just turning five and uh she came home the other day with the first time of a tale of this kid,

this boy in her class pushed her and then drew all over her, her leggings. And I was like, I'm going to go kill this kid. And we're talking about five-year-olds, you know? So I can't imagine if we're talking about adult kids with, with mob bosses,

I would, you know, I would do whatever it takes. Now the problem is I don't think I would be very good going toe to toe with a mob boss. That's why my character in this hypothetical tries to keep it all quiet. He goes then and has to reverse engineer everything. How do I destroy evidence?

How do I create alibis? How do I do all these things to circumvent the responsibility that, you know, which is something I think you have some experience doing in the acting world. A little bit of experience. You've dabbled in that type of work, huh? I've been able I've been able to take care of people who get in my way. God damn right. You ever have any moments where on Breaking Bad or Your Honor or any of these shows where sometimes I think about the best movies and TV shows I watch that have the craziest plots and the craziest murder scenes and all these things that a guy like Vince Gilligan or whoever it is coming up with them must be kind of crazy too? You'd think. Right? I mean.

Yeah, because I askedince when we first started i was reading his scripts and thinking my god you know you're you're dissolving bodies and chemicals and you're yeah i mean like what do you just go be a drug lord you know just forget about movies and stuff go be a drug dealer yeah well i asked vince i said know, did you did you ever write this when you were high or something? And he's he's a sweet gentleman from Virginia and he's never done drugs. Oh, wow. Well, no, I don't. I just think it's kind of cool. Just kind of cool to squish a head with an ATM. I've always thought about with my sober brain.

I believe in the book, You Wrote a Life in Parts, you were talking, or at some point you were talking about the scene with Jane in Breaking Bad and how that was the one that kind of hit you and resonated with you the most. And I feel like a lot of the viewers, I know myself, maybe the ATM head, that one sticks out. But that scene with Jane where she's choking and you're back and forth, that was that one sticks out. But that scene with Jane where she's choking and you're, you know, back and forth, that was the one that, you know, sticks with you the most from that series. Yeah, that was the most emotionally surprising and dangerous scene for me because it was so interesting.

As I as I prepare for a scene, I always get out a yellow legal pad and I just write down a stream of consciousness thoughts about where I could go. What are the possible avenues emotionally that could happen? And it came up to that scene. It was like, well, I should write a pro and con list of why I should save her, why I should let her die. You know, and on that, why I should let her die? Well, she got Jesse hooked on heroin and she's going to report my enterprise and I'll go to jail. And then why should I save her?

Well, she's young enough. She could be my daughter. I wrote down and I'm writing all these things down. And then you forget about it and you just go do the scene. Well, but I planted that seed in my head. She could be my daughter. And sure enough, in one point, Kristen Ritter was, you know, such a great actress and she was giving her all off screen. The camera was on me. And all of a sudden I'm feeling the emotion of this situation. And in pops that thought and my own real daughter's face replaced kristen ritter's

for about two seconds i saw my own daughter choking to death and and that's you see me go yeah that was real right just as soon as that came it went but the the ripple effect afterward is like oh my god my i couldn't calm down for i i went over i told uh i told anna gunn what happened and she's oh my god and she hugged me i cried wow holy moly oh yeah yeah it was a it was a serious thing so what do you do to come down or come back to you after something like that? Serious drugs. Serious drugs. Well, you know what? I tell people it's sometimes physically demanding. It is emotionally demanding

almost always. And you just have to take that risk. But what I do when I was leaving, especially say Breaking Bad, but I make it a habit for 25 years now, is I will go in the makeup and hair trailer. And I finish a rough day on Breaking Bad where, you know, Walter White was doing some pretty nasty things and you're out in the desert and there's sand and there's grit on you. I would go in there, I take a hot, moist towel and I would wrap it on my bald head like it was a turban. And then I'd take another one and I'd wrap it around my face like I was getting a professional shave, and I would just sit there and allow the heat and moisture to draw out that impurities, and I would just get kind of sleepy,

and I'd wipe my whole head and face of that, take off those clothes, put on my clothes, and I left Walter White at the studio. I never took him home with me. Do you think that's real? You really did that? Well, you explain like attempted suicide you're like i just wrap a bunch of cloth around my mouth and see what happened i thought you were gonna say uh you know i drank some dos hombres tequila no we got we got the whole thing here that's crazy i i looking through uh everything

like the the the basically your entire life. You have lived quite an interesting life, my friend. Reading the parts of the books that we've read, the interviews we've seen. You've lived a life that I feel like is worthy of like a movie, like a biographical movie. It's got some tales in there, sir. I've got some tales. Yeah, I think, you know, when you think about your past, it was a challenging childhood.

It was some rough times. My mother was an alcoholic. My father abused alcohol and, I think, drugs. And, you know, they were, I think of my parents now, and I just have sadness because I think they wasted their lives. But they taught me a lot of sometimes and most of the time what not to do and go the other way. And I don't know. I mean, it was tough.

And I think when you have a tough situation and growing up in the period that I did, you also have opportunities. So for example, when my brother and I hopped on our motorcycles and left California for two years, we were on our motorcycles for two years and we would get jobs in carnivals and cafes and just, and in those days in the 70s you didn't documentation you want a job here here's cash you know and there's food and and then see you later um and then you'd meet some girls and say you want to sleep on the couch now so but like to me that maybe you know it's kind of romanticized but that sounds like fun and free. But in the moment, does it feel that way or is it like, shit, we got to get next food on our table sort of thing?

It was. Now, I went to two years of college because I thought I was going to become a police officer. And the reason I thought I was going to become a police officer was because I think I was looking for a father figure. My dad wasn't in my life. And boy, you know, a policeman, that's very manly and very strong. And, you know, and I was in a police, a junior police explorer group, and I did really well, graduated first in my class. So I just thought, well, that's pragmatic. I should do something that I'm good at. Yeah. And so I started taking police science courses and I was good. Okay. I guess this is what I'll do. I'll be a policeman. And then, um, my second year of college, my counselor said, you got to take some elective courses. So I went, Oh, okay. Oh, acting, acting, let's do acting. I

did some of that when I was a kid. And I got into an acting class, and my first scene was with a girl, and it was a couple making out on a park bench. Oh, boy. Throw you right to the fire. Let's go. And I thought, oh, my God, this is fantastic. Jackpot, yeah. Yeah, and this is my job in the class.

So it blew my mind and I realized, OK, I don't know what I want to do. And that prompted the indecision of I don't know if I want to be a policeman or should I try acting? My dad didn't have success and I don't know. And that indecision led to the two years of being on a motorcycle. So I wouldn't I wouldn't you know, I wouldn't want my children to feel so confused and right. But it helped me. Yeah. I mean, sometimes I say I had to go get lost in order to be found. Right. Right. I mean, you you have so many cocktail party stories that if i were you

i'd panic at a cocktail party because i don't know which one to tell because and then and then well these are all too braggy because they're all too cool like i was a carny in texas that's yeah you know what one of our questions is we play a game called answer the internet it's if you were uh if you were on jeopardy and they're coming back from commercial and you've got to tell you know that one tale uh to the audience and you know you should tell to alex trebek rest in peace what would be your one tale that you tell i would probably say something purposefully boring and just to just to fuck with them yeah just to fuck with them. Yeah, just to fuck with them, just to get the spotlight. Well, Alex, I thought I have a pretty extensive stamp collection. Personally, if I were you, I think I would go with losing my virginity to a hooker in Austria.

But that takes too long. That's not what she said, was it, Brian? Oh, man. What a moment. That's so true. That's so true. What about I met or ran into Charles Manson before he was Charles Manson. What's that one about? That one's crazy.

I was born and raised in San Fernando Valley, just north of L.A. And one of the areas that we used to go horseback riding was in the Santa Susanna Pass, where the Spahn Ranch is, and was an old movie ranch. That's where they rented horses. So my cousin and I were going there one time. Our parents dropped us off, 11 or so, and there we are, and all of a sudden some younger guy comes running in and goes, Charlie's on the hill, Charlie's on the hill. He was so startling, I was like, oh, God.

And the old guy said, don't worry about it, don't worry. And we looked out the window, and about six, seven people, men and women, jumping on horses and riding off. By the way, Quentin Tarantino got it right. When I saw his movie, Once Upon a Time, got it right when i saw that uh his movie uh once upon a time yeah uh man it was right that's what it looked like and that i mean them riding off on horses was like oh my god i'm having deja vu so we get our little horses that are ready for the glue farm and just only want to walk we're walking along the trail that you go out on. And about 20 minutes after we

leave, we see a trail of horses coming back slowly. And we're, you know, the trail is probably eight feet wide. So there's not a lot of room. And the horses come back and there was a guy in the middle who was not holding his reins the guy in front of him on the horse was holding his reins and this guy was undulating to the movement of the horse he was barefoot and scraggly and he had black hair and black eyes and a beard and he was just like like spaced out of his mind and my cousin and I riding by and looking at him like, it felt weird. And as soon as we passed my cousin who was in front of me,

she turned around and said, that must be Charlie. And I said, yeah. So then fast forward, I think it was two years later. And all of a sudden we're seeing on the television, you know, Charles Manson at Spahn Ranch was arrested. sudden we're seeing on the television you know charles charles manson at spawn ranch was arrested he's the and we're like that's a crazy one i didn't i didn't realize he was that well known for that long beforehand i i thought like well that was just that he was memorable from looking like you just you just put the two and two together i put the two and

two together he wasn't now only to me because they made such a thing of charlie's on the hill right and here comes this guy i zeroed in on him and it was like oh yeah and then so when i saw his face again two years later i went that's the guy that's the face you don't forget you know yeah pure evil was looking you in the eyes yeah that is as creepy as it comes, man. Yikes. Who knows what would have happened, man. Yeah, I mean, good thing you ran into him two years early. You don't want to run into him at his peak, right?

Out of all your success, what sticks out to you the most? I mean, you've had several iconic roles in a way, big ones, small ones. I mean, people will know you as Tim Watley. People will know you as from Malcolm in the Middle, Walter White. I love The Upside, by the way. The Upside is one of my favorite movies of all time. I mean, everything I've really ever seen you in, I feel like is truly memorable in a way. What's most memorable for you? Uh, wow. Um, it's so different.

I, I, I go through the phases of it. So I, I live through something and then I let it go. I live through it, embrace it, make love to it,

and then let it go. You dog. You just hit it and quit it. It's like all the women in my life. You know, I've had some great experiences on stage where I worked in London or worked in Broadway. You as Howard Beale was, my family is a big Broadway family,

so we go to a lot. And my parents came down and they're like family. So we go to a lot. And my parents came down. They're like, we have to go to this play. I'd honestly never heard of it. I knew I know now it was a successful film beforehand. But I was like, sure, Brian Cranston. I'll go see this play.

I don't care what it's about. And then Network was one of probably I've seen Hamilton. And I think Network is my most memorable and best Broadway experience. You are unbelievable. Awesome. Thank you. When you came out in underwear, though, I was like, I think Cranston's got an underwear thing.

You're always in your underwear. Hal was in it. Walter White. I mean, we got Howard Beale now. It's a little bit of an underwear. A fetish. I'll say it, Brian. You got a fetish.

You got to give the people what they want. Show them the moneymaker, baby. The Sidi Wadis, baby. Let's go. Make it memorable. So the same way that you saw Charles Manson all those years later and put two and two together, has any of the couples that you ever married when you were ordained as a young man ever come back and said, holy shit, Bryan Cranston married us? I would think that would be awesome.

Yeah, I'm surprised nobody has come forward, to be honest. Nobody put two and two together in that? Well, it's entirely possible that those couples are no longer together. Well, even better. Even better. That old bitch Bryan Cranston married me in that old hag. You know, I do think wouldn't that have been fun during Breaking Bad or something? Or even Malcolm in the Middle.

Like, I think Malcolm's dad married us, you know? Right. Do you think Walter White married us? Oh, stop it. You're drunk. You're drunk. Speaking of Malcolm Middle, I have a question. If this tweet were sent to you, how would you reply to it? At Brian Cranston, your acting is just awful.

Sorry, but it is. How would you reply to that tweet? I'd say, Mom. Don't write to me. Frankie Munez got that tweet tweeted at him once. This is back in I don't know what year. And he replied, yeah, but being retired with $40 million at 19 has not been awful. Good luck moving out of your mom's house by the time you're 35.

Pretty great response from your co-star. That's a pretty cool response. Yeah, no. We just had a Malcolm reunion for a charity where we read the pilot episode again. It was great to see everybody back on and participating. It was sweet. You know, it's been 20 years since Malcolm premiered. Wow.

Really? Is that making you feel old? Yeah. That was the first show my family and I watched together, where my parents would call it. I would watch Seinfeld when I was younger, but this one had my siblings, too. And we'd all like we'd come in and we would watch Malcolm in the Middle.

That was our family show. Awesome. When you got that, did you think that was it? Like, OK, I'm you know, this is my my role. This is my iconic role that I'm going to land for my career. Did you ever anticipate having a second one, especially such a change in gears? No, but see, that's the whole thing is that if all you're thinking about is trying to tell stories and move from one to the other, and you're not thinking that you're entitled to anything. The business doesn't owe me a thing. So anything that comes my way, I feel very fortunate, but I don't expect it to. I don't

expect something to come my way. So by virtue of that, you just do the work. Just do the work. I try to tell high school and college kids this. If you're really interested, if you have a burning desire to be an actor, then just do the work. But you're all in. This is your life. It's not – don't say I'll give it two years because it won't happen. Just – you have to be ready and willing to accept the life, whatever it's going to bring to you. It sounds easy. Yeah.

And also be an unbelievably talented actor. Do you watch Better Call Saul? Do you keep up with like the spinoffs and the rest of the Breaking Bad world? I am up to date on it. I can't wait for the final season. I'm very excited to see what happens and what they do with it. I mean, it's such a it's got to be cool to be able to watch it as a fan and, you know, to be a part of it, but then also get to be just like a viewer of it. I mean, it's such a, it's got to be cool to be able to watch it as a fan and, you know, to be a part of it, but then also get to be just like a viewer of it, right?

Exactly right. Now, Vince Gilligan is a dear friend of mine now, and we're seeing them this weekend, actually, and I always tell him, I said, don't slip. Don't tell me what's going on. I don't want to know something in advance. I just want to be a fan and watch the show. I would love to know. I'm so not with you on that. I'd be like, tell me what's going on. I don't want to know something in advance. I just want to be a fan and watch the show.

I would love to know. I'm so not with you on that. I'd be like, tell me everything. I was hunting for my Christmas presents as a kid, and I'd be plying Vince with alcohol or I guess not weed and doesn't smoke it, but I'd be like, come on. What's coming up next? He does drink.

He loves bourbon, so you can get him. All right, there you go. Yeah, no, I would love to know. Give me all the secrets, you know? I mean, there's no sibling rivalry there. Like, you're not, like, kind of hoping it doesn't do so good so people remember Breaking Bad as the far superior? No, again, that's ego.

If you're thinking about awards or status, it's all, that's ego. Yeah, I know, and you should have a big one brian i'm interviewing big time hollywood actors i'm exclusively thinking about you're the exception of the rule i believe well if so then and uh that's the way to live because i i don't i don't have any anxiety or or i don't i don't have any jealousies for anyone. It's like... But you don't have to because you killed it, man. You did it the best. There's got to be a little part of you that

loves the fact that Breaking Bad nailed the finale. When Game of Thrones finale stunk, you were like, yes! We're still the only ones, motherfucker! It's got to be. Come on, it's got to feel good. Yes, to the only ones. We're still the only one, motherfucker. It's got to be. Come on. It's got to feel good.

Yes, to the first part. I was exceedingly pleased with how it ended. I'm just proud of that show. And he ended it so well. So well. Just perfectly. No, but I don't rejoice in someone else's debauchery. You're talking to the wrong dude. You're better than us. You're good. I can't wait in someone else's debauchery. You're talking to the wrong dude.

You're better than us. You're good. I can't wait until you go down. I'll be dancing all over your grave, Cranston. We got a couple minutes left here. We're going to let you go, but we're going to hit you with some more questions. This is from our game called Answer the Internet.

So we start here. What's the worst thing you've gotten thrown out of a bar for, if anything at all because i know when you're when you're driving around town and around the country in motorcycles with your brother or you're getting banging hookers in austria you're getting thrown out of bars sir all right i'll tell you i'll tell you what when I was, when we were traveling around and we were in, there's twin cities in the panhandle of Florida called Bluntstown and Bristol. And I can't remember which one's on which, but it's divided by the time zone between central time and eastern time. And the tradition is you would go to the bar in Eastern time until two o'clock in the morning, and then they'd kick you out and everyone would get in their car and drive

five minutes to get another hour and have an extra hour of drinking. So that's, that's great. Um, let's see. Um, could you beat Tom Cruise in a fight? No.

I'm so happy for that. Yes, thank you. You know how many people say yes because maybe he's a little bit shorter than average? He would beat the shit out of you, Brian. Oh, he'd beat the living crap out of me. That dude, I love Tom. I was fortunate enough to, I was in a movie with him called Rock of Ages. And I thought he did a terrific job in it.

But man, I watched him work doing his musical numbers. That guy attacks a performance like it's a boxing match. It's like, mop them off. Tell me what I did wrong. Tell me how I can be better. It's like mop them off. Tell me what I did wrong. Tell me how I can be better. Let's go. I'm back in there. Yeah. And he's such,

he's always had a smile and always been gracious. And I, I just really, I, I really like him a lot. Yeah. My ass. You had a little experience doing a LBJ.

So the question here for you is, would you rather be the president, the Pope or in charge of North Korea? Gosh, I guess I would rather be another president. I was number 36. Who was your favorite president? Lyndon Johnson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got it.

Partial to the Johnson clan. Um, I met a lot of their family and, uh, it's, it was fun to play. That's, I mean, what a, what a character that was. Did you see that play? I did not see that one. I apologize. I did see the new deal though with Brian Cox. That one was very good. Wow. Wow. Okay. What a... I thought you were going to agree with me that the New Deal was also fantastic. No, it wasn't called the New Deal.

It was called the Great Society. That's right. It was the Great Society. Wow, you really botched it, Josh. I botched it. All right, last question then. If there were stats available for every aspect of your life, which stat would you want to see?

You get up to the pearly gates and you say, tell me how many times this happened or how many this or whatever stat you can quantify your life with. How many people did you love in your life and loved you? What else is there? God, you're so cool, Brian. He's just a great guy. He's just a great fucking guy.

He's just a great fucking guy. You're bringing me up to your level, and I love it. Once this whole acting gig is done, you've got to go on to motivational speaking or something because am I feeling good right now? If I could tell you how many stupid, meaningless answers we've gotten for that very question, how many beers I drank, how many joints I smoked. And Brian comes here saying how many people loved you. It's like, fuck yeah, man.

That's what it's all about. Well, I'm glad I could raise the bar for you guys just a little bit. I know that when we say goodbye, you guys will drop back down to your low level. You really nailed us in a half hour there, huh? Wait, before we go, one thing. I have a friend, a guy, a coworker here who is adamant that Walter White is actually still alive. Can you do me a favor and just dispel that myth right now? I'm sorry.

I think there's something wrong. You son of a bitch, Cranston. Your Honor is out. Your Honor is December 6th on Showtime. I can't wait to watch it. And I also really want to thank you for having a weekly. I miss weekly shows. Yeah, a good 10 weeks.

With a little suspense between every episode. Because when it binges, I just watch it all in one night. I have no self-control whatsoever. So I'm very excited again. We had it with The Undoing a little bit just on HBO, and I'm really excited for it on Your Honor. Great. Thanks, guys.

I appreciate it. Thank you very much, Brian. Have a good one. Bye-bye. All right, guys. Be well. You as well. What a guy!

All right. I mean, Cranston lives up to it in every sense of the word. I mean, it was funny because the interview started moments before the interview. You're like, fuck fuck i'm nervous that was the first time i've been nervous in i mean i don't even know it's been a while since i've been nervous to talk to somebody he was he was it and it made me there i wasn't i was nervous i'm always a little anxious i'm nervous in the sense of i never at this point i know we're not gonna like bomb where it's like the chris farley show where you're like you know but'm like, this is an opportunity.

I need this to go well because otherwise people are going to be like, oh, you kind of squandered a chance with Bryan Cranston. So I was more nervous. Let's make sure we knock this one out. And then when I said that and I saw you got nervous, I was like, fuck, I shouldn't have said anything. I should have kept that to myself. I wasn't not nervous. It was just like anything. I was anxious about it, but it wasn't like, holy you weren't thinking i had anxious i i was anxious about it

but it wasn't like holy shit like this is the a a a plus plus plus right right and uh and then i got nervous and then it was clear we were both pretty nervous but you in particular when you were like you kind of did like like the video we've tweeted where it's just like and i mean like you're great like you're awesome and there's like a little bit of rambling and just goes oh will you shut the fuck up yeah and it was from then it was like all right we're off well you know what you know what it was I was gonna say I had it all concise I was I wanted to say there's no scandals or any bad thing with you but I thought that's kind of like like I like you could be like yeah no kidding yeah I'm not a fucking rapist or something like that so I was

like there's no skit well there's no bad stories about you because I should have just said it you know but i was like maybe he'll take offense to that see i was nervous i was like so my point was that you know you've never read a bad story about him he certainly doesn't have any you know bad uh like criminal behavior or anything but i started to like you know get my own head about that and then yeah when he was just like well i'll be an asshole right now to set you at ease it was perfect. A perfect beginning on his part because he's a pro. And then he's just got great stories on top of it all. It's unbelievable. Unbelievable amount of great stories.

Wrap it up here with an interview with another comedian, another guy of ours who we hold in extremely high regard. Gary Gullman, who is the stand-up comic responsible for The Great Depression, which is one of the most hilarious and poignant stand ups you'll ever watch if you haven't seen it go watch it this second right stop the podcast yeah actually watch it before the interview because then it makes a lot more sense and if you've ever had even if you've had deep depression issues you gotta watch it if you've ever had a moment where you just felt down or a lack of confidence or whatever gary gallman is that dude he has uh he's found a way to make it funny and relatable and teach you a lot about all of it in this special.

It's incredible. And the interview was no different. It's brought to you by Guideline. Offering a 401k sends a great message to your employees. The best. It's like the message that Gary sends in the Great Depression. He's letting you know that you're not alone and that he's got your back and that there are brighter days ahead that's what a 401k can do for any employee at any level

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what's up, man? How are you? Look at that hair wow holy shit how you you probably haven't cut it since since the great depression wow that's that's some flow i haven't i haven't cut my hair since since 2019 wow really yeah i i mean that's a that's a whole that's a whole change in lifestyle man you got the ponytail you gotta be able to do it you know what i mean you look like a guy like you're you're a barista now or something i was a i was a barista when i was when i was first starting out in comedy when i was about 25 or 26 that was one of my one of my many part-time jobs that I had to keep my comedy career afloat.

Right. Like a barista in the sense – like when I think of barista, because I don't really drink coffee. So when I think of barista, I think of someone who's doing all the fancy shit with the cappuccinos. Or is a barista just like a Starbucks employee? Yeah, I was a Starbucks employee. I could really Tampa and espresso. Well, I appreciate you doing this. We got to give a shout out to Michelangelo. He's actually the one who made the connection. What you,

do you know him or you just saw like his videos that you liked? He was doing some, I followed his, his videos and his activism. And I, I really, I really liked him on, on Twitter. I, I, I, I've never met him though. I mean, I haven't met so many people that I'm, I'm, I've, I've been contacting through the, through this pandemic. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird. It's, it's like, and really even beyond the pandemic, like the internet, it's like, you can be almost full blown friends with somebody or maybe even know more about them than their real life

friends do you know like sometimes internet friends are better friends than real friends yeah i mean the nature of the podcast is that you tell perfect strangers your deepest and darkest secrets and and they have so much and and sometimes my friends will listen to these interviews and I've known them for 30 years. I'll say I never knew that. Yeah. About I said, well, we were too close for me to share. Yeah. Perfect strangers will know it all. I don't know. I get in here. I get in front of the microphone and it's honestly like it's my therapy. Like if I didn't do a podcast, I don't know. I'd probably have had a meltdown by now. No, I, I, I agree with that. I, I, I think my, my therapist said it early on in our, in our career together. He said, once you tell everybody these inner thoughts and these

inside secrets about yourself, they'll, they'll have nothing on you to emotionally blackmail you or ridicule you or expose you. It's actually, it does the opposite of what you think it will do. Being an open book, getting the skeletons out there, it's like. I mean, that's great therapy advice where it's like, go be B-Rabbit. Remember 8 Mile? Yeah. Go be B-Rabbit. Tell them everything, man.

Yeah. I am white. I do live in a trailer park the only thing that eight mile didn't get right is the idea that you only get one shot because first of all you get a thousand shots in show business second he gets a second shot within the two hour move. Yeah. He fails the first time, like a week later, he's back. You only get two shots. It just doesn't have the same rhyme. Um, well, we, I feel like anybody who has ever seen the great depression can relate to it on some level. And, uh, you know, we, we always joke and talk about how you know we got our own

issues with self-confidence or whatever it may be and if you do have any of that it is like it's like a required reading type of book it's like a bible stand-ups i've seen it i don't know so much i've made so many people sit down and watch it with me just to be like, Gary's saying it better. But this is what I want you to think of me. Right. Yeah, it's not even – you can see plenty of great stand-ups that make you laugh. But the Great Depression is like this is going to change how you view things, man. It's important stuff I feel like.

Oh, that's really nice to hear. I mean, I would like over the years is that you can get really specific and connect and, and have people resonate with it even, even better than when you speak in, in broad terms. There are so many people who, who have approached me and they had completely different lives, different backgrounds were, were women or, or people who didn't play sports and, and they connected on, on this. And so I, I, I think it's, I guess it's just a by-product of, of putting yourself out there and being, being honest that, that people will, will connect in

that way. But that, that really means a lot to me that you guys, because you're young and not in stand-up comedy, that these things resonate. Absolutely, man. And I think what you said is so true. And again, the internet kind of provides that because you're able to connect with a zillion more people than maybe back in the day you see someone at a show

who says like, hey, I went through this, but other than that, know what can you really so uh i i remember like i went through some family shit and i remember thinking that my job was like a big part of the reason why and then i ended up connecting with a ton of guys who had every different job but the same exact experience and i was like all right so it's you know there's much more than that and you know it really is like a deeper thing And you realize that everybody kind of as specific as it is, like so many people end up going through the same thing, which is kind of weird to believe in this world of eight billion people alike, but there's enough overlap in the experience and just the overall feeling of it. And I was frustrated for years in not being able to really get exactly how it felt, not finding the right analogy or the right story. And what I've learned, another great lesson is just say what you're feeling and the ideas and the tone will

come across. And just it's enough to be out there and saying it as best you can. And at the very least, you'll feel better. I mean, I had no idea that eventually I'd put these jokes on television. I mean, yes, it was always a dream to be able to monetize my mental illness. That's every little boy's dream. Initially it was, it was enough that I was able to, to get a hundred people or, or as many as a thousand people to laugh along with these stories. And then, and then luckily I had a, a manager who could see beyond the jokes and say, we should pitch this as an idea. And he brought me together with this guy.

And you've probably seen his work because he did the Doc and Daryl 30 for 30. Oh, yeah. The You Don't Know Bo for ESPN. And then he did Gary Shandling's documentary with Judd Apatow. And we met and we just, and you guys know from doing business that you pitch ideas in the room and either you find out a month later that they're into it or never find out that they're not into it. And right that day in the room, he says, let's,

let's work on this. And we worked on it. His name is Mike Bonfiglio. And I've never worked with somebody who was so hands-on with my – he didn't change jokes or add things specifically. But he just was – it's always great to have – and you guys have this – have somebody honest with you. And by honest, I mean, they either laugh when you're funny or don't laugh when you're not funny and you get an idea, well, this, this can work or this will at least be interesting. So it's, it's, I, I'd never collaborated so extensively with somebody and it was, it was really, I, I, I couldn't have done it without him.

And also my wife, who I sort of collaborated on my recovery. She used to go to all my psychiatry appointments and she would do research. She grew mushrooms in our midtown apartment. And it is very delicate to grow mushrooms in outdoors and indoors. The light and the heat. I mean, it was something else, man. What a woman. Are we talking psychedelic mushrooms or regular mushrooms here?

Oh, psychedelic. What a woman. Both would have been impressive. You know how many guys out there could come home and be like, babe, I'm on mushrooms. And he'd be like, are you fucking kidding me? You're're in the dog house she's out here making them up for you man that's great you need that yeah and they're they're freeze-dried so when we connect if you're into that i could bring some i i was always yeah i was always too afraid having read stories of sid barrett from pink floyd not coming back from his trip.

So I've never taken them, but I've heard their quality. I've only started probably last year, and it's not a regular thing. Wait, wait, wait. Hang on. So she grows them, but you haven't taken them? No, because here was the thing. At the time, I tried to get into a mushroom study so that they were testing the use of psilocybin mushrooms in micro dosing as an antidepressant. And it's very promising.

It's successful. But I wasn't able to get into that treatment test because I had had electroconvulsive therapy and they, they didn't know what the, the interaction would be or whether I was recovering because of the ECT or the, or the mushroom. So I wasn't, I wasn't permitted in that, in that test. So I, I, I didn't trust our, our skills as, as technicians, as lab technicians to give me the right dose and i was i was frightened but as as far as one of those gift of the magi labor of loves it was it was the thought that counts yeah yeah yeah so thoughtful right that must be such a topic it's one thing to to collaborate with your wife in your recovery and then collaborate with a guy who you said you didn't know, right?

In such an intimate special with Mike. Yeah. That had to be really hard. That's so true. But I will say one thing, and this is such a great thing to know about comedy. If you share a sense of humor with somebody so that when he got there, he noticed this picture of Chris Elliott in my collection of pictures of comedians. And he said, you like Chris Elliott? I said, I'm obsessed with him. I've memorized everything he's ever said. And so we just started going back and forth.

And he wasn't a poser. He's the real deal, yeah. Yeah, his knowledge was as extensive as mine. And once I knew that he liked this sort of comedy, we connected in such a way. And the other thing is that you trust somebody's opinion on your jokes because they like the same type of jokes. It's just a real, it's a special connection. So we connected. I mean, within 72 hours, we were on the same wavelength.

You know what you said there that I love and I miss so much is that you really connected because you were just saying lines you both liked back and forth. That's dead that's like how we grew up we just said like like talladega knights lines and and anchorman lines and dane cook lines and we just say them to each other and now we're like i'll just pull up the video for you that's not as fun there's no there's no camaraderie to that there's no like there's no back and forth there's no tennis aspect there's there's a very real friendship activity there

of just saying lines from like your favorite movies back and forth and we just never do that anymore yeah that's so interesting i hadn't thought about that i always i always thought we were we were silly because we were we didn't even write these things that were repeating over and over again to our friend and and connecting on them and and and sometimes i'll hear people will do that with with my jokes and i i i can't express how meaningful that is i mean if you want to do it let's go i'll go i'll go back and forth with you i mean the joke about drinking sprite and the scene with your mother where you know your poetry and your schoolwork were such an obvious allegory for depression. The tree that could only grow through tears.

So here's what I struggle with. It's so fucking funny. But I feel bad laughing about it because it's like, I mean, the thought of like, it's so sad. And your mom didn't notice it. And I'm like, I feel terrible for laughing about it because it's like, I mean, the, the thought of like, it was, it's so sad and your mom didn't notice it. And I'm like, I feel terrible for laughing about it sometimes, but God damn, is that funny? Yeah. I, I, I just feel that part of the, the, the, I don't, I don't want to say luck or, or, or what do you call it? Like, like the like the the thing is is that you can tell really horrific stories about a car accident if it's you nagging it yeah because if you're narrating the story of the car there's this implicit in that is that you survived it. So people can't get too sorry for

you or sad. I had a smile on my face when I'm telling these stories of being hospitalized and getting this rather arcane treatment or to most people it's obscure, but it's actually made a huge comeback. The electroconvulsive therapy. It's crazy. I had no idea. Yeah, I did not know that was happening. Yeah, my doctor had recommended it years ago, and I was so horrified from seeing one flew over the cuckoo's nest when I was in college that I just missed it

immediately. And then I got desperate, man. I had been two and a half years without really seeing the sun as it were. And I said, well, I've tried ketamine and I've tried these, these other drugs and I've, I've tried these other methods of treatment. And so I, I want to get my life back. I want to get, I want to get me back. And so I was, I was ready to try it and it worked really quickly. And it was, it was dramatic. I mean, I had anxiety that was, that was making my life unbearable. It was, it was torture. And within three treatments, which took a week, it would be every other day that the anxiety was, was knocked out. And I was so, so grateful for that. Great. How are you now? Where are you at? Like, is that something that's ongoing or is that, uh, I look at it kind of the way a recovering addict or alcoholic would look at their recovery. I'm, I'm, I'm, I feel like I'm in recovery, but it's going on. I feel like my

recovery came, came into view in October of 2017. I can remember just having hope and optimism and not very grand ideas. I just said, I can continue to do stand-up, and I don't know if I can make a special, because my hands were shaking so much whenever I would perform. My lip was so raw from biting it all the time, from nerves. I gradually got better. 2018, I had, I had performed this, this hour and a half long sort of one man show for the, the executives at HBO and they, and they bought it. And then we, we shot the special in June of 2019 and then it came out in October of 2000, October of 2019. So that's a, a three year,

three year recovery, sort of a remission if remission if you look at it that way. How did you do Torgasm? That was earlier. That's like 2005-ish probably? Yeah, that was 2005, I think. I mean, it was one of those things where I had to go and do the shows at night so I could kind of pull myself together for 20 minutes. And then I would, I would just go back and sleep until I had to be on camera again. I took so many naps and just avoided and, and I, I, I isolated. I mean, that's the, that's the thing. Some, some people can't sleep. All I wanted to do was, was sleep. And I, I think, I think one thing that is common

with, with depression is that you isolate and you want to be away from people. And that's, that's exactly the wrong thing to do. You, it helpful to say even if you're just I remember at the beginning of 2018, just sitting with my best friend. And this was my best friend since we were in fifth grade. We would sit together in 2017 and watch the Celtics games pretty much in silence. We'd make a comment here and there. Those are the best friends. Yeah. Comfort and silence.

Yes. Or we would ridicule somebody we went to high school with. That always plays. Yeah. For something they did 30 years ago. Other than that, we were pretty much silenced. But it was such a great feeling to get out of the house. And I remember keeping track of the things I would do during the day. And I mean, talk about a meager to do list. It was like walked my dogs, went over to my friend Will's to watch the Celtics and and went to the Whole Foods for coffee. I mean, those were the that was the extent. But it was it was so much more active than I had been even a month prior.

So it was that I always loved that movie with with Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss called What About Bob? And and they sort of I mean, they mock the guy's book that is called Baby Steps, but it really is effective to slowly and gradually work up to doing things. Like I became a runner again and started going to the gym and stuff. But at first I was just going on these long walks with my dogs where they would be like, we can we pick up the pace a little bit we're um dragging you along so you you said that even on tourgasm you were really that that bad so you were and it was what 10 more years until you really decided to to seek help? I would say that I wasn't as bad as I got in 2015 through 2017. I was never that bad in my life. That's what was so scary because I kind of learned to live

with a low grade of depression. It's something that medically it's called dysthymia. And it's kind of a low grade of depression. And it's painful, but you can do a shitty job of things. You can muddle through and you won't get any joy or relief and things that normally would bring you some lightness or optimism. They have no effect on you. So I was able to do a really half-assed job of tourgasm, and I was a strong enough comedian based on the three or four months a year where I would have a short break.

It wasn't even a remission because I still felt shitty, but I was productive. And that, and that's what a lot of us are, are, we're, we're happy to just have that sometimes that, that we're getting our work done and we're able to maintain our lives and our relationships, but it's, it's at a low grade. And,, I was able to muddle through those and maintain a career. But over 2015 through 2017, it got to the point where I can't even muddle through anymore. I've lost even that much energy. And what's amazing to me is not, did I get to a point in my recovery where I'm, I'm not just muddling through and doing a half-assed job. I'm, I'm thriving and, and producing and, and working on multiple projects and, and not ducking things because I'm, I'm either afraid

or I just don't have the, the energy or the, or the, the hours out of bed to tackle them. Is that where we're at now still? Yeah. Yeah. I'm at a place where I'm writing a book. Wow. And I'm working on a series based on my ill-fated football, college football career. I mean, the best.

The best. I'll tell you what. When I sat down my parents to watch. Actually, I football player. I mean, the best. The best. I'll tell you what. When I sat down my parents to watch. Actually, I don't think I sat down. I think we re-watched it during quarantine, but I think I had them watch it way back when it came out early in October. And I remember my dad calling me afterwards. And I was like, the message was like, hey, like, you know,

like things I go through, Gary, like, does a pretty good job of, like, talking about them. So give it a watch. And my dad called me the next day. He goes, Gary played football at the Heights? Because my dad went to BC, too. I was like, that wasn't the message, Dad. That's not the point.

So, Dad, what did you think? You pick up some pointers about your son? He played football at the Heights? Gary might have been on Danny's football team. I was like, I think Gary's too young, Dad. That is fucking hilarious. That is fucking great. What year did your dad graduate?

I'm going to guess. I don't know exactly. I'm going to guess 85, 86. Okay, so he was there with Flutie. I was there three years after Doug Flutie, but he was obviously still a presence. And the only thing that's weird is when you're 17, you consider three years ago to be the dark ages and the olden days.

And when I look back at it now he he probably was was still coming to basketball games and and and stuff like that he was he was always a really big basketball fan yeah my he my dad's friend who uh who he still is like best friends with he he was flutie's roommate so when you like mentioned that like the guy just coached Flutie to a Heisman, I forget the coach's name, but he's like, oh, he probably overlapped with Danny. Danny. Jack Bicknell was the head coach for Flutie. And now Jack's son, Bob Bicknell, is a coordinator for the Niners, I think.

That was another one of my favorites. I mean, I have a million favorite lines from the special, but that one about when you're like, oh, how I wish I could tell you that not 10 feet from where you sit is my blankie. I have to say that I had never spoken about my mental illness or the severity or being hospitalized until that year. And once I did, it was very easy.

But I must say the most difficult thing and the thing I was most protective of was letting anyone outside of my immediate family know that I carried a blankie with me into college. I mean, I feel like it kind of came back around with gravity blankets and weighted blankets. Now a lot of people have blankies, right? Do you ever, do you get annoyed? Like even, like I said in the beginning of this show, like me and him go through like our issues, but like I don't have issues, you know? Like do you get almost annoyed if people throw around the word depression or anxiety? And it's like, listen, motherfucker, you don't even know the half of it. Or is it all, you know, one big thing?

No, I think because because it's it's on a spectrum, which everybody says about everything. But it's it's true. It's because it's true. And so there are, there are times when my depression would be something like, just get out of the house and in the half hour, you'll feel better. But still it took a lot of energy to ramp up to that walking out of the house and doing that. And then there are some times when the depression is overwhelming and I don't see any point to living anymore. And every single thing on that spectrum is valid and you don't have to accept it. That's the other thing is that there gets to a point in your life when you've been struggling with it for so long that you just say, well, this is me and I am so sick and tired of trying different things that don't work. I mean, I know that there are times that it's

that my, I wouldn't call it a full on depression, but there are times even over the past six months where I've been feeling lousy and have no energy. And I think I need to go on a run and that's all. And without exception, every time I go for that run, I come back and I say, oh, that was exactly what I didn't need. So I've developed this long list of things I can do before I have to go back to the hospital. And usually the first thing is works. And sometimes it's as simple as going for a walk and getting groceries or getting a coffee. It's just inertia is so powerful. You're more likely to stay in an uncomfortable situation than expend than expend the energy to, to walk out of it.

Do you think that people who suffer from mental illness or depression are more drawn to the entertainment industry? Or do you think that the entertainment industry causes it? Or do you think that it's just, we talk about it more. So it's, it's actually the same percentage of regular people, but it's just,

it feels like it's actually the same percentage of regular people. Right. It feels more. It feels like it's more. It's a terrific question that I love to discuss. And I've never gotten a satisfying answer. But my theory is that I don't think that we are much more likely to suffer from this, but we are two or three times more likely to talk about it. And that's why we get associated with it. And also, a lot of times it's a coping mechanism. And it turns out it's a coping mechanism that you can do for a living. And if you go into this business, you say, well, there's more rejection in this business and more criticism in this business than every other. But you realize that it's worth it because the rewards are terrific. And I mean, even just making strangers laugh in a room or getting messages back that,

Oh, I connected with that. I understood exactly what you were talking about when, when you discussed that moment in Ghostbusters where he, he starts playing the, the, the notes down towards the right. I mean, somebody that, that, that sort of connection, like, like you said earlier, we don't really have that any anymore. And making those connections, it's really significant. So I really feel like we're we're we're not any more likely to to suffer from this.

But I think we're more comfortable talking about it. And the other thing is that it's it's's unusual for men who want to talk about it. And I hope that when guys like us, and I just saw this incredible thing about Hayden Hurst that he made from the Falcons. I mean, I was blown away with that. If you guys want to link to that or or or something that that was really that was really moving and and so well done and it's a it's about 12 minutes or so and and i just i have the utmost in in respect because he he really put it all out there and and was was raw man i was so

blown away do you think that your style of comedy ever contributes to it like that we had a caller calling the other day and they were asking us about if like we were joking about how bad we are in sports now and all kinds of self-deprecating but also defense mechanism jokes and he's like do you think the fact that you guys have made those jokes for 10 years has contributed to where you're at now and we were both like oh absolutely yeah like i myself down joking, but I've been putting myself down so much. It starts to kind of become a self-fulfilling prophecy type of thing. Do you think that was something that kind of contributed with you? Yeah. I think that,

that because of my physicality and I'm a really big guy, I think it's very disarming to hear me talk about the, the, the failures. I mean, the, the abject failures that I have, I have suffered in my, in my life. And, and it's again, that, that eight mile thing where I'm disarming these people, they really, you're good. You're going to make fun of the fact that I was a lousy tight end and I couldn't, I couldn't make a block. I, I can do that for a half hour. Right. Right. Believe me, I know. Yeah. So it's, it's, I mean, and I also think, and I wonder if, if you guys get this, this feeling when you, when you open up about these things, I think that part of the reason why my recovery has been so sturdy, because

part of the reason is because I have finally moved to accept these things that I was either ashamed of or was hiding from people. And it doesn't seem like it's just a coincidence that the same year I opened up about my failure as a football player that I started to recover. And I mean, the other part of it is that not only was I not spurned or ridiculed for it, I was embraced and people laughed and shared their stories. Like that's how I connected with Adam McKay. He sent me a direct message and I'd been a fan of his since Anchorman and, and Saturday night live. And he sent a message and he said, I was a big kid who played football and wasn't very good too. And I, and I thought, Oh, we're, we're, that's a kinship. Yeah. That's a brotherhood right

there right right yeah that and mckay's working with the show right that's gonna be amazing he's i mean he's got one of the most sought after guys in hollywood right now yeah i mean he's he's going to be the the executive producer and i'm working with this terrific writer and and it's it's been a lot of fun i mean i I'm a nostalgic and sentimental person, but just sharing these stories from high school and college with somebody and kind of reliving it and having some perspective on it, it's really a gift. I love it, man.

We're going to play a little game with you right here, if you don't mind. It's called Answer the Internet. It's our card game with hypothetical questions from all different corners of the internet and all of our callers over the years uh we'll keep it with sports for right now if you could party with one sports team from history who would it be this is a great question and i can't believe i have an answer at the top of my list right away. The 1979 world champion Pittsburgh Pirates. Wow. Why is that? What about them? Because being a sports celebrity at that time was still a sort of, I don't want to call it a subculture, but it was a subculture in the in sort of the way that that

the the the punk rock scene was and and a little underground yeah yeah and and also there there weren't yet the and i will say that i've never tried cocaine but i feel like if i was ever going to use it 1979 was a time when i think they were still saying, it's not addictive. Yeah, yeah. It's just a party drug. And I'm very susceptible to being around athletes at a party celebrating. And if I saw a world champion and he offered me a bump, I think they would have called it. I certainly

couldn't have. It would be rude. Yeah, you're a bad guest. It would be rude. So I think that would be ideal. And I defy anybody on the internet to come up with a better one. I think 79 doctors were still prescribing cocaine

to hysterical women like like doc my wife's like she's put on weights like here's some cocaine for her like that's why they were always cleaning the kitchen and then walk around the house like yeah i'll get up that's why here's a take i think that coca-cola may have still been putting cocaine in their soda and that's why people reacted so strongly against new coke yeah it sucks um okay would you rather have no music for the rest of your life or have all music be sung by your significant other oh i have a feeling shawnee has a beautiful voice she has a beautiful voice and she has the most eclectic taste in in music so that that she'll she'll enjoy some of the the 80s rock and roll that i'll, that I'll play. But also she knows,

I mean, she knows she's 34, but she knows Megan, the stallion and, and, um, Cardi, Cardi B. So she, she's with it as far as these, these artists. So I think I, I, I could do worse than a jukebox made of my, my significant other. Uh, you're a big guy. So guy, so this is a good question. What's the youngest age child that could beat you up? I mean, you, like, no child. I mean, Gary's such a big guy that when I first saw Gary on Torgasm,

when I was about 15 years old, I went, he's too big to be a comedian. I wrote you off immediately as a prepubescent 15-year-old. I was like, this guy, he's too big. He's too handsome. He can't be funny. His muscles are too big. It doesn't work. I mean, unless there's a child who is one of these Russian kids who's grown.

His father makes him fight a bear or something. If we're talking about a regular American child, there's not a single one that could beat you up. Yeah, I don't think there's anybody under 14 who could beat me. I think I could beat up every kid at their bar mitzvah.

And wouldn't that be awesome? Shalom! And here's he just punches you in the face um okay if you could pick any character from tv or movies to be your college roommate who would it be this is this is this goes into what we were talking about earlier i would i would pick chris elliott who i i it's it's really interesting because we reached out to him and dedicated the special to him because that was the thing that Mike, Mike Bonfiglio and I connected on. And then we became, we became really close friends. We went up to Maine and, and we, we slept at his house and he barbecued for us. So they always say, don't meet your heroes,

but you should always meet your heroes, especially Chris Elliott, who he, the thing is, is a lot of people are not nearly as, as funny as you hope they would be. That's a very difficult thing to pull off. And sometimes they're too funny in that they're always on and it's irritating, but he enjoyed making us laugh and,

and we connected on such a level. It's, it's really been one of the brightest things to come out of my, my debilitating depression was my, my friendship with Chris Elliott. But, but Chris Elliott's not a character from TV or movies. So are you going with like the guy from scary movie or are you going with

the, the mayor of Schitt's Creek? I'm going with, he, he played a 30 year old paper boy on a short lived series that ended in 1991. It was called get a life. So his name was Chris Peterson and it was just,

it was basically him. And, and so I would want to live with Chris Peterson. I'll tell you what, Gary, you're lucky. Chris Elliott likes you because you're borderline on like crazy stalker. Yeah. You love Chris Elliott, man. All right.

I'm going to go back to another fight question here. Cause I think almost anybody I've ever asked this to, I think he could, but not with you. Could you beat up Tom Cruise in a fight? No. Okay. No. I mean, I usually think that Tom Cruise, you know, he's, he not with you. Could you beat up Tom Cruise in a fight? No. Okay. No. I mean, I usually think that Tom Cruise, you know, he's very, he's shorter than, you know, you would think, but he trains and all that shit.

So I usually think he can beat everybody up he'll be talked to. But once again, you're a big fella. I feel like you could maybe. I mean, I got to tell you, my fighting style is usually to subdue someone into a into a submission so i'm i'm i'm a i'm a great uh headlocker yeah you know i'll i'll grab you by the the the shirt collar and pin you to a wall but if you fight back it's over i will go down but if but if my my my grabbing you in a position to block for a pass, if that cowers you, then I will be victorious. But if you fight back, I'll fold like a house of cards. If you were on an old episode of Room Raiders, remember that MTV show?

No. Oh. Room R-A-T-E-R-S? No, Raider. R-A-I-D-E-R. raider r-a-i-d-e-r like like late raiders of the lost ark it was it was the worst they used to go into like a teenage boy's room with a black light and they would look through all the fucking you know uh bodily fluids and they would go through your top drawer they would go under your mattress they would look through you know your entire room as like a

teenage boy and they would take like your three crushes with them oh it was the worst it was like three girls you're interested in and you have to sit in a van and just watch them go through maybe they would find your porno they would be like look at his bed sheets there's like cum all over it i mean it was it was sick what masochist yeah and it was they were like young people and we wonder why this generation is fucked. They were definitely older than me. Watching it, I felt like they were my age, but I was probably 13 at the time. I would guess they were probably in high school or college. Maybe like they did to dorms.

I can't imagine who would sign up for that. Yeah, it was sickening. It was a sick show. Here's a philosophical one for you. If there were stats available for every aspect of your life, what one stat would you want to see? This is a... It's a deep one. Philosophical aspects of something that would be...

No, no, no. I think it's philosophical, but some guys say, I want to know how many beers I drank over the course of my life. mean it's got to be like 97 of your guy come every stand-up comic but it's certainly someone like yourself right it's ridiculous because that was i i was so i mean they they use the word obsessed now, but I just could not get enough of comedy albums and tapes from the time I was aware of this, of laughter at four or five years old. I would listen to these albums at a friend's house. And like she wasn't a friend because she was babysitting me,

but we would listen to Steveve martin albums over and over again and it was just some of my best memories that's a lot better than his babysitter his babysitter used to show him porn yeah oh yeah yeah yeah he said that so genuinely like no that's not what they're supposed to do oh my gosh that's criminal no it literally is like in 1994 it wasn't but now yeah yeah i had the best babysitters i had one babysitter named brenda and she would play the the steve martin albums for me and then i had this other babysitter and then i was i was nine or ten he would take me to the park and we would play basketball all afternoon. And he he had a an incredible ability to imitate the shot styles of all the the 70s, 80s stars like like Irving and Lloyd Free.

And he was Lloyd Free at the time. He wasn't World B Free yet. And we used to have a blast. His name was Finn Burns. He's quite different. We're still friends. I don't know if you guys are still friends with the people that you walk to school with as a child, but I can't think of anything better than that.

When I was like three years old, I was a really bad baby. I was a pretty good kid, but my terrible baby. And, uh, my mom had a babysitter quit. She was like the,

the old lady across the street. Her name was Mrs. Carmine. And the one time, like my mom came home and she gave him back and she was like, I'm done. I'm done. I can't do this anymore.

Wow. Pretty sick. Pretty bad. Pretty bad. It's not a great kid. I was like crying and shit. It wasn't like I was, you know, maniacal. It was like, I was just a bad baby. Like colicky. Every time I would take a nap, I wake up. He's over you with a knife.

Yeah. It wasn't anything that bad, but yeah. All right. Well, listen, we really appreciate the time, especially on a Friday late like this. And, uh, you know, you said you should meet your heroes and I feel like you're one of ours. So it was a real pleasure to meet you. So thank you so much. Wow. That's really a nice thing to say and a beautiful thing to hear. I really appreciate that. And this was a delight. So we'll do it again sometime, maybe in, maybe in person, I hope. I would love that. Yeah. Thank you so much, Gary. Have a good one.

All right. Have a great day. I've got some issues that nobody can see. And all of these emotions are pouring out of me. I bring them to the life. It's only like this is the soundtrack to my life. The soundtrack to my life. To my life. To my life. To my life. To my life. Outro Music