KFC Radio - Call Her Daddy Ruined Tommy Smokes’ Reputation + Adrienne Iapalucci Interview

Episode Date: March 27, 2023

00:00:00 Start 00:03:17 Tommy Hates the Mean Girl drama 00:10:02 Tommy was asked to not use this sponsor's product 00:14:25 Call Her Daddy ruined Tommy's reputation 00:18:03 Running the Smokesshow account 00:25:22 Tommy is back on the dating apps 00:29:50 What fruit can you throw the farthest? 00:33:39 Francis and Kelly getting into a fight 00:47:28 Barstool comment section 00:59:38 Please End This 01:07:30 Where would Tommy be now? 01:10:29 Adrienne Iapalucci Interview +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Betterhelp: This episode is sponsored by Betterhelp. Go to https://barstool.link/BHKFC for 10% off your first month MVMT: Get 20% off at https://barstool.link/MvmtKFC with code KEVIN Rocket Money: Cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses at https://barstool.link/RocketmoneyKFCYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I mean, you've heard me suck your dick before. Yeah, I love it every time. No matter what fight says, I'll watch. I'll get the transcript version. let's go ready thomas Thomas M. Smokes. Hey. Is that what it is?

Yeah. Michael, probably. Thomas Michael. You've guessed my middle name a bunch of times. Oh, I've done this before. You're right. You're right. You're right.

You're right. That did ring a bell. But you're not like an Italian, but you are. Okay. Very funny. I'm one of the most Italian guys in the world. You are like, everybody knows that the Italians and the Jews are very, very close. You are like the missing link.

Are they very close? I famously say that Italians and Jews are without money. Right. You don't think so? Like the 1940s would make a difference.

They had their differences, but ultimately, a lot of similarities. We had a Nazi kick today, just so you know. A lot of Nazis. Perfect. Yeah, but like Tommy Scabelli and then you see this is like, that's not what I was expecting. No, you're expecting

Mort. This is my friend, Morton Schmuel. I gave Morton an X on yesterday. He didn't take it like an Italian. I mean, it hurt. I don't like physical stuff. I could see that very much like your friends are like punching you and wrestling.

You're like, ah, ah, ah. I was not a rough house. No. I could definitely see you like, guys, guys, we're going to break something. And maybe me. There was once all my friends were wrestling and I would just get up like, Cheeto break, Cheeto break. I'd just be eating Cheetos. Like, you guys keep going.

Like, you guys keep going. What about you strike me as like a guy who like would get stuck as like Marco and Marco Polo for like eternity, like pool games. How'd you do that? How'd you fare on that? I was not a big pool game. I saw Tommy's life flash before his eyes. Like I saw some PTSD.

Well, no, I did remember one time where I was almost on the other end of it where it was a bunch of my friends and one of our friend's little brother. He was very annoying and we made him be the eyes closed guy, Marco. And then we all just got out of the pool. And then I was like, that's so mean.

That's how you get caught fish out of water. You don't play that? If I yell fish out of water and you are out of the water, you are out. We collectively left him in so he was just looking for nothing. He was just with his eyes closed like, where is everybody? That's good. And everyone's alright. It's good.

You left like the pool. Yeah. You went inside basically. Yeah, yeah. That's great. I mean, that's ruined that kid's life. It's funny. It's funny.

Yeah. Now he's in therapy with abandonment issues. Good stuff. Good stuff. Good stuff. We'll get into your life and our But I have been on

a Monday episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I decided to watch it. No, yeah, you're the first repeat. Yeah, you're a repeat because I did want to talk, though, about, like, the drama going on

but also just, like, the bigger picture of the drama because everything I've been talking about is basically the exact opposite of what's happening right now. So like I know you love the drama. This has been a tough week for me. I hate to see my coworkers out there.

I'm hoping for a speedy resolution. Have you ever been the center of a controversy? You've been the center of attention. Me and Casey back in the day, we had our little tiffs. What was your tiff about? I forget. I wrote a blog. I like me and Casey back in the day. We had our little tiffs. What was your tiff about? I forget. I wrote a blog.

He was like, you're a dumb woman. It's probably, no, it was something like a Game of Thrones blog where I was comparing everyone to the Game of Thrones.

And I had Casey as a, what was it? Is Gilly a person? Who was the, Gilly? She was like the Sam's, she was like a wildling. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was so obviously a joke. It was like... They were just... I was like dead on resemblance. They look nothing alike. She took that very seriously. I wrote a blog calling me like Reek from Game of Thrones. I remember that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was on CCK. It was like... That would pop up every now and then. You too. But yeah, none, none. When you get to the comparisons... You gotta play it.

You gotta be really right or very funny where it's like, this is just a joke. Right. But when you're just like, here's this guy who has like a huge nose

and here's an actor with a huge nose who's like, great man. Dude, I did that with, this was way back in the day, like Milton.

And I did like a cast of a movie or something like that. Those are always great. Yeah. And I had, and this wasn't as serious as that seems to be, like Milton. And I did like a cast of the Barstool movie. Those are always great. Yeah. And I had Dan. This wasn't as

serious as that seems to be. It was. But I had Dan as Eugene Levy. The eyebrows. Dan was like, what the fuck, man?

I was like, oh, I didn't realize it. I think he just texted me and I probably just took the text too seriously.

But the, yeah, you got to be careful who you compare people to. There is like working on the internet, you find out bad qualities about yourself you never knew you had. Yes. Yeah. Yes.

What's the worst one that's hurt your feelings? I don't, I'm trying to remember. Obviously, I get my nose a lot, but obviously my nose is big. That's not, there was one. Look at that now. It is a horror. Oh, it's big. It's big.

It's like the sphinx. It's like the septum as well. What? It looks like the sphinx. Yeah. I mean, I kind of. Why don't you is a horror. Oh, it's big. It's big. It's like the Sphinx. It's like the Sphinx as well. What? It looks like the Sphinx. Yeah, I mean, I kind of... Why don't you get a nose job like Jackie did? I wouldn't want to get a nose job. She blames it on the deviated septum, too.

I'm gay with that. But I do have like a deviated septum where I'm like... Dudes getting a blowjob is super gay. But if you have... What? What? You just said blowjob. You had...

That's... I said blowjob. You had, that's the... I said blowjob? You had the most Freudian slip of all time. You said dude's getting a blowjob at Supergate? I didn't even know it. I was like, what the fuck is... That was the most, usually people pick it up like, taking in everyone's reaction, you're still like, what?

I thought you meant that I was like, I can't make gay jokes anymore. No. Dude's getting a nose job is super gay dude's getting a blowjob could also be straight as hell but uh but if you played the deviated substance card what you need is to break your nose you need somebody to punch you painful yeah that's the problem i would rather not do that youeto break is going to be the episode but yeah nothing comes to mind

like the internet was like yeah you said this or did this and you're like fuck that really hurts it's a lot of it's a lot of look stuff I'm a fucking loser I'm fucking blowing it I can't fucking think of it there is most normal people, I would bet, don't really think about their appearance.

Like, of course, you care what you look like and you're self-conscious about like things in your body, but you don't like know all the, I mean, I never thought I had a lazy eye. I never even considered that. You don't have lazy eyes. Right. But I do have like a droopy eyelid. I have that too. So like I do considered that. You don't have, like, in that picture. But I do have, like, a droopy eyelid. Yeah, I have that, too.

So, like, I do have that. I think it's this one, like, closes way more. Yeah, but, like, I would never, I would have lived my whole life and never known that. And some weirdo on the internet, like, picked it out from, like, this is the early days when, like, we barely put pictures up. So it was, like, one photo. I remember it. You were building an Ikea thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did think. You were building an Ikea thing. Yeah.

I did think of one. I think I say the word vodka weird sometimes. I say it weird there. Vodka. I didn't even know what you said. It sounded like you said Vokta. Vodka. I might say it weird. I did like a New Amsterdam read back in the day. You probably do. You sound like a Russian. You don't know how to say vodka, you idiot.

I never really. Now it's like one of those things where I'm walking with my arm trying to think how I say it, but vodka. Vodka. I like a vodka soda. You hit the D like soft. Because you don't just say vodka. There is a D. But if you go vodka.

Do I have a vodka soda? That sounded okay. Vodka. People told me I say golf weird. No, that's not true. Golf. Golf. Golf.

Sounds normal. They were like, stop fucking saying that. I was like, what? Golf? I'm getting into golf. You're saying this word a little different than how I usually hear it, and that makes me angry. Bro, I had-

That was the internet for a while. You say words different? Bro, I had a three-year run. It's bags? I thought it was cornhole. I had a three-year run where my career was exclusively talking about dialects and accents. I still to this day think it's crazy that Mary, Mary, and what is it? Mary, Mary, and Mary are different words or not different words to people.

That still fucks me up. Wait, Mary, Mary, and what's the third one mary mary the name they're they're mary oh yeah mary that's mary yeah like would you i'm saying mary like mary like hey merry christmas mary mary is gonna get married oh mary yeah third one got it like they all just say they just say marry marry marry yeah well they're idiots yeah and that's what i say to them like you're you guys are fucking inbred morons yeah but uh but yeah i mean i i did that for like everything there's so many of them and it was just like basically like uh my whole my whole like all my segments were just like homonyms, basically. Let's talk about words there, there, and there.

I'm on the 30 Rock kick, so I've been referencing it a lot lately. But if I can do another one, a show they create on NBC on 30 Rock is called Homonym. And it's just, someone goes, stare. And someone goes, the thing you used to get upstairs. Nope, it's the other one. The other one. The guy's like, it's the other one. That's fucking great. I don't know how to take a lot of pictures.

I don't know. Keep going. Make it as uncomfortable as possible. I was trying to be natural for the pictures. Oh, that's great. Hey, Tommy, be natural. I'm one of the most natural guys in the world.y now insert brownie natural tommy got an email or like the company got an email yeah from a from a brand that said can you read it yeah i'll leave out some names yeah yeah

it was they were asking certain people in the office to use the product in question. Okay. The email said, Hi, Barstool producer. Are you able to film the TikTok for blank brand sometime this week? If you can include blank, blank, or blank to film with blank, that would be ideal. The client understands it will be whoever is available. Blank brand just expressed to us that they would not want to include Tommy, as they feel he

does not align with their brand. And keep in mind, in the original email that the producer sent about the product of like, here are some ideas of what we could do, I was not- That even did it? So it was they were vetoing an idea that, let me just get ahead of this one. No Tommy. Yeah, they went- I know what's coming next, not him.

No Tommy for this one yeah no tommy yeah they went i know what's coming next not him no tommy for this one so part of me wants to buy a bunch of this product yes and just like start promoting for free be like i love this brand and people like me love this brand you should do that but i don't want to look you don't want to fuck with the money. You don't want to fuck with the money. Not right now. Isn't that a good promotion? I mean, they don't think so. They don't think so,

but you can't get anything more. The best storyline and the most talked about. If that happened, we would be able to say the name and they would get more exposure. These are the things that brands should absolutely do. What brands should do is maybe that was some guerrilla marketing. Maybe they were like, let's say – well, you know who we really want?

Tommy. I don't think this brand is that smart. We even said, you know, it kind of is a Tommy brand. Yeah, yeah. So maybe they were like me. I do want to work it into content. So I have been having a video idea that I'm trying to fundraise for a billboard in Times Square. This is before Ray and Fran just were gifted ones because they actually deserved it.

But I want to fundraise like $3,000, get a billboard in Times Square. And the idea of the video is I'm fundraising with people around the office or I'm going door to door around Manhattan. Or I'll take calls myself with Instagram brands. And each person has my left nipple, my left shoulder, things like that. So I kind of want to use this. Like get on a phone call. What about the nipples? Like, oh, you get Tommy's left nipple.

It's 500 bucks. Your brand goes here. Got it. Stuff like that. It'll be a nude photo shoot, obviously. And so I could work this brand into it. You know, and be like, why am I so repulsive? This is like,

I mean, if you watch the rundown, me and Tommy have just been hammering content together. We've been fucking killing it, brother. We've been on fire. He said the boys were running wild. We were riffing. I almost passed out from riffing. We had to cut. I think the rundown probably was like eight minutes.

John Rich told me they cut 75% of it. It is. The boys were on the loose. But a good portion of that 75% was just repeatedly referencing this brand. It's like, I mean, I was in tears. It was like one of the funniest things that ever happened. Again, Tommy was like, it wasn't like, hey, here are four people. It was like, I like these three, not that one.

It was, here's Barstool Sports. And it was like, not with an underline, right? Big scroll, puns, clemmer, fun. No problemo. It is. It's so goddamn funny. Because you're just a normal person. But yeah, you said it is underlined.

It is not Tommy's voice. Has anyone in the history of email underlined something? I didn't even know it was me. And by the way, it's like if you said that about – I mean this is counterintuitive. But if you said it about Dave because in the middle of one of his controversies, okay, fine. You say it about me or somebody who people don't like, whatever. There's no other reason except for personal taste. No, I think it's just I'm so uncool.

I literally think it is like Dave found out about that. He texted me and he was like, heard you were too lame for one of our advertisers. He said, call her daddy. We'll never really wash away. Call her daddy stigma. They were the ones that set the tone, right? They didn't want you to wear the hat. Cause I was, I was, I was so cool before that.

And then Alex and Sophia shot me down. Oh my God. If I could talk about tommy fucking smells one more time i may fucking leave and never come back they don't find any bit of humor in him at all they don't want to be associated with him on any level they find everything about him creepy disgusting and repulsive i'm coming at them like they want a war and we got a war literally suck my dick, Tommy. It's not happening. Well, you're an interesting case because you are unequivocally uncool.

Thank you. Right? But we all know what stereotypes are. There's a time I would have thought that. I don't agree with it anymore. That's what I'm saying. Not that I ever disliked you as a person. I've been trying to get... But here's the thing.

You were... When you were back, you were alarmingly stupid. You were... Decidingly more uncool. I don't know. You did hit the gym a little bit, so maybe that helps. You were young, so you just kind of fill out and you grow up a little more

and you just look better and different. Probably learned to dress a little bit better. I don't know what it is, but back then it was like... The joke was like the Fordham Pussy Patrol and you know, the whole... You guys are being sarcastic about that? The whole gang was just like this autistic

band of merriment. And now, like, I think, I mean, I always hear stories, or people will come up to me, when they see you out in the wild for the first time ever, they're all astounded at how much pussy is just flowing your way. Yeah, I do.

All right. Which doesn't make sense to me. Right. Like there was a time back then that you would be like flabbergasted by the amount of attention you get from girls now, right? Yeah. There definitely was an adjustment. Like, huh, this is unique.

This has never happened before. In a great way, right? right where you're like or were you like oh fuck now no no i was like oh this is cool yeah yeah i mean that you know it went from like your alarmingly stupid dork to dave's like pet good charm friend best bud confidant whatever you want to call it number two to then to then like just

you're a regular guy and your own content creator to then people being like Tommy's one of the funniest people here yeah that's been nice but it's like if it happens too much

then people are going to turn back the other way yeah yeah yeah you don't want that you never want to get too high you get too many views on Instagram clips and stuff everybody's going to turn back the audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You never want to get too high. You get too many views on Instagram clips and stuff. It'll be a problem, bro. I bet he's going to write a blog about it.

But it has been quite the transformation. Yeah, I think it's just, you know, growing up. I mean, I started when I was like, what, 20, 21? 20 when I was an intern and then like 21 when I was full-time. The difference between 20 and what are you now? 26. Oh, shit. You're six years? I'll a full-time. The difference between 20 and what are you now? 26. Oh, shit. Still?

20 or six years? I'll be 27 in April. It is like the second generation. That actually feels about right for me. Really? Sometimes I'm surprised by it. The second generation blows my mind every time. Yeah.

I think of all you guys. We had Rihanna last week. She's still crazy young, obviously. That's crazy. But I'm like, you've been here forever. But 26 to you feels old for me. Feels old? Yeah.

Tommy's been here six years? 26 feels young to me. Because I always say, when people say how long you've been working there, I still always say 10 years. My time just stopped at 10. Right. He had a decade, and it's just like double digits. Yeah. So I always think of myself as I've been here 10 years.

So I'm like, Tommy's been here six. Right. So I started as an intern September 2016, full time May 2018, but I'll usually just say intern, because I thought the internship for me was like a minor league, I was like more behind the scenes,

but you were able to like figure out how the company worked, and like be in the office. Do you think that running the Smoke Show account helped your game? I'm not kidding, yes. Really?

And I never was like picking up, like hitting on the girls, I was always very good about that, because I was like, I don't want? And I never was like picking up, like hitting on the girls. I was always very good about that because I was like, I don't want to be the intern. Totally. The DMs. DMs.

Obviously other people could see that. So I ran that with integrity. I protected the fucking shield. But yeah, I mean, just like in terms of like I had to talk a lot to hot girls to figure out merch or whatever. Like, listen, listen, sweet cheeks, wear the sweatshirt and maybe we'll put you on the blog. Yeah, and I was tough on them. I was tough for fair. I got to show you guys this text from when I retired.

That was great. This message that I got from this girl I had just posted and Snapchat takeovers, whatever, merch. She said, thank you for all this is the day i retired thank you for all that you did to make each and every one of us feel so beautiful i'll always remember your kindness it's great to see how your career with barcelona's blow it blossomed into something totally iconic see face emoji wait by the way you had that on deck and you retired like several years ago i someone just brought this up okay bookmark on your i don't text with that girl much it wasn't hard to scroll oh god i got it got that so that was a text that wasn't even like the dm of the account it was a text to me

that's why i can't talk to women because i never did smokes that's why i did the smokes on facebook did them on new york yeah keith did Guess That Ass. No. Yes. Keith did Guess That Ass. I did the smoke shows. That was the deal. I was like... At that point, I was single. I was like, I'll take care of this. You can do the internet, girls.

I'm going to do the real life girls. You do Sarah Underwood. Oh, man. Sarah Underwood was a... She's a full-blown OnlyFans girl now. Is she? Yeah. Well, not full-blown.

She's probably like... I don't think she shows holes. She shows no holes. hole dude yeah if you're not showing holes it's like you ain't only fans that's gonna be great um did you ever fuck a smoke uh definitely not while i was running the account afterwards yes yes yeah but not like it wasn't like i'll put but like no no no i'm not saying like – I have had sexual relations with a woman who's been on that account. Got it. But it was not like –

That was a reverse Clinton. I have had sexual relations. In other facts, I have. The reverse Clinton. Where's my camera? I have had sexual relations with that woman but again after I was retired

it was all I think you know I like people knowing things like that because it's like you know

sometimes it's like Jonah Hill is always the fat guy even though he becomes like skinny and like a cool fucking fashion icon you know

sometimes whatever you get labeled with in the beginning and like there are probably people out there who would call you a dork or like a nerd or something virgin yeah and it's like like brother well i think i'm a virgin ask your dad bro there was a time there was uh like a weekend or like a i think we all came back on like a monday or something and there was a story about

marty mush hooking up with like one of the hottest chicks on the internet and there was a story about Marty Mush hooking up with one of the hottest chicks on the internet. And there was some story about, like, I went out with Tommy, and he was surrounded by girls. And I was like, what the fuck is going on here? I was like, we've created a monster. The dumb kid and the dork kid. What is this? The Autist, is that what you said? Yeah.

We do a movie like that. The artist that won the fucking. The pianist. The Autist. Yeah, it's an Oscar-nominated film. It follows Tommy around in black and white. This has been The Autist. I remember the KFC Radio Couch by Couch West in Boston, that was, or that was Couchella? Couch by Couch West was Boston.

Couch by Couch West. It was the first, like, that was really big. We sold it at the Wilbur, and it was like, the show was still, like, pretty young. So it was, like, wow. And so it was a big event. Like, the whole company was there. And I think everybody in the building got laid.

Except, I don't know, did you? No. I think everybody, like, but the three of us. I was in full-blown party mode then. I remember there was, like, some girl in the crowd who came solo from texas flew from boston from texas to boston for the show and i think we i don't know if we brought on stage or but we just kind of shout her out she like stood up in the crowd and um somebody ended up fucking that girl and i remember it was was another person. I was like, that guy? I was like, you owe me, bro.

You fucking owe me. None of this would have been possible. And he was like, I think he said flat out. He's like, oh, the only reason I came was for this. I know what I'm doing. Like, thank you so much. Every time I have stuff, I'll just text you, Big Cat and Dave, be like, thanks, guys.

Thanks for the blessing. You set the tone. Made it all possible. It's funny how much, like, humor like humor i mean it's no fucking secret everybody knows like you know the key to a girl's heart is to make her laugh but you know it is it is the only thing too i get like protective of that you gotta that like a girl like that you gotta be actually funny you're saying no like or like you're happy that it does that it works that way i think um there's a modern family episode where um greg kinnear is like hitting on claire dunphy a lot and like like very overt hitting on yeah where like he's like coming over

when phil's not at the house to come do like yard work and he's like doing the handyman work he's like got his shirt off or right like he's got his button down off and he's kissing the handyman work and he's got his shirt off or he's got his button down off and he's kissing her on the lips and Phil's like, he's like, you're crazy. You're looking into this too much. He's just a nice guy. And then Greg Kinnear makes her laugh

and he's like, you can fuck my wife, but I make my wife laugh. That's my territory. I remember when I had a friend who had been a friend forever and we're very close, like high school stuff, that's my territory I remember when I had a friend who like I've been a friend forever and um I'm like close

like we're very close like high school stuff like I'm close with her parents all that shit and her mom called me and she's like have you met her new boyfriend and I was like

no I haven't like what's he like she's like he first thing she said she's like he is so funny and I was like hold the fuck up yeah

he is so funny he's the second funniest guy okay sounds good I last year was dating this girl I went to a stand up show Hold the fuck up. Yeah. He is so funny, he's the second funniest guy. Okay. Sounds good. I, last year, was dating this girl. We went to a stand-up show at The Stand. Last time I ever go to a stand-up show with a girl.

She was laughing too much. Oh, absolutely. This is horrible. I should be up there making the jokes. You laugh at me. When you see a girl, like, cackling at a dude, it's like, aw. I'll fucking go to a Broadway play or something. There was, when we were in, on our West Coast tour, we were at a show that a girl pretty much left the guy she was with for our opener. Like, that night on the spot.

He wasn't, like, it wasn't, like, totally boyfriend-girlfriend, but, but it was like a guy and a girl went to a club together, a comedy club. And like, she happened to be from the same town, hometown as the opener. And she like came over at the after party

and was like, I want to suck your dick in the car. It's like fucking wild, dude. This is crazy. Like the, what do they call them?

Chuckle fuckers, I think. Like puck sluts. Mic chasers. Mic chasers mic chasers this show is brought to you by BetterHelp getting to know yourself

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and get 10% off your first month. That's 10% off with BetterHelp.com slash KFC. Start it again. You said you were dating each other. Have you been in a relationship while you've been here? Kind of. You're just slaying puss. No, I i was like i've been like on and off with a girlfriend like a year year and a half currently no no no okay now somewhat off the board i'm somewhat off women right now i go on

phases of like i'm off women right yeah just like just super straight i swear to god the most straight thing is not fucking chicks. Just being like, I don't really feel like it. I did get back on Hinge. I got on Hinge recently. Immediate mistake. My profile got screenshotted the next day.

That's so cool. But also, I have nothing to hide. Did you have anything funny or lame on there, though? No, it's a funny, I would put it out

if I had to, but I don't. I remember the first time we moved to New York and the employee who shall not be named for whatever reason we can't say his name. I don't even know. But I never had any plans. I'd been on Tinder before. I'd been on like – like never used it sincerely. Just kind of like fucked around.

You did the push-up joke. But yeah. Were you around for that? Oh, that's right. I invented Tinder. I forgot about that. Wait a minute. That does sound familiar.

When Tinder first started, Feidelberg invented the pickup line of how many push-ups can you do. And the whole fucking app. What is the punchline with that? It was just something girls never had asked. I wrote a blog like

try this on Tinder. It worked like wildfire. It was everywhere. Didn't the like the owners of Tinder say something like you like put us on? They were like they did an article in the New York Times where it was like and mind you by the way Dave just doesn't like me I think and Dave also

wrote about being like Feinberg had the worst fucking pick up line all the time. Yes. Yes. Yes. All of my bad ideas. Saturdays of the Boys. Saturdays of the Boys. K Tinder line. KFC Radio, which was my idea, but was something we did. And the Tinder pickup line, Dave's like,

that's stupid. They all became massive things. But the... You've been rewarded, Hanson. We cracked a few of those jokes on the bracket yesterday. We were just interviewing, we were talking to Gaz,

and he said how he's a millionaire, and I was like, I want to kill him for John. I want to fucking strangle that bald, idiot millionaire to death. But the New York Times did an article where it was like, we're massive in the Boston area, in the Northeast. We don't even know why. It's crazy. And that's when Dave wrote a blog being like, we started Tinder.

Such a fucking asshole. We started Tinder when we had that great idea with the pick-up, the push-ups line. It is a good line. It's one of those things. I remember Dave's blog was like, oh, you really can't figure out why you're massive? It's because we started it. I was like, fucking get him, boss. Go, Presco.

But the evil is going to say oh yeah when I was in Boston I had fucked around on Tinder and all that stuff never actually trying to meet someone just like getting drunk and being like and then I never had any intention of doing it once we moved to New York and then

it wasn't even his profile. Beep that. It was like his actual conversations with a person. And I was like, never, ever do I want that stuff out there. But the thing is, even if it was, anything I would say. But you could do that to any, you know what I mean? Right. There's nothing that I was like, I can't have this get out there.

Because I am kind of that. But when you're having the conversation part. When you're talking. Yeah, that's weird. But I'm just saying, it wouldn't be this get out there. Because I am kind of that. But when you're having the conversation part. When you're talking. Yeah, that's weird. But I'm just saying it wouldn't get canceled. Do you? No. I'd rather get canceled than have my fucking text sext game out there.

Yeah, totally. But if you're sexting on Hinge, you're crazy. I haven't used it. I thought that's what they all were. I thought, yeah, you're not sexting on it no on hinge no like well you reply something to their prompt joke what's your number and okay but then you want to get a drink so then you take it it was like we suck that dick oh no no the old school tinder was fucking tinder was a fucking yeah like uh i think you actually get replaced

prostitution like they they hinge doesn't want to be used as like that hooker you'd probably get banned yeah well they've all pivoted to that Jackie's looking for her Hinge date with her helmet so we're gonna see how that goes

yeah that's but like you're gonna be able to play that off fine I think that date will go well I think she'll be like I said she's gonna find the I have to wear a helmet

no no we told her like the initial introduction has to be like what are you talking about? I actually have a new... I have a new version of the push-ups thing.

What I do is, one of my prompts is what's the fruit that you can throw the farthest? Yeah, that's a big one. Every single person, every single guy. I've heard guys specifically will be like oh i could fucking launch a kiwi man i could air it out like 100 yards yeah it's a good question yeah because it's it's small with you need small with density like heavy you

know yeah and then you can like snap your fingers around it and really get that fucking distance. Lemon? Yeah, I think anything too light is a problem. Like an apple is a good size, but I think it's light. Anything bigger than like a grapefruit, you can't get a good grip on. Orange and grapefruit were my first two. But I think a kiwi, a starfruit has got some density. Avocado I think is great.

Oh, an avocado. It's got the core. It's dense and you can fucking... What's your most common answer you got? Apple. I think it's kiwi. That's wrong. One guy said a watermelon. He was like, it's heavy.

I was like, what? That's easy. That's one of the dumbest people I've ever heard. That's the guy you should go on a date with. A helmet date. I think... No, I think a star fruit's actually light. Kiwi's a good answer.

I guarantee this is something on the internet that someone has broken down, like, physics-wise. I'm just going to Google fruits. Yeah, there probably's a good answer. I guarantee this is something on the internet that someone has broken down, like, physics-wise. I'm just going to Google free. Yeah, there probably is a scientific answer. I think this is, like, a viral pickup line. I bet you if you Google it, something will pop up. Did you have any pickup lines? No. Do you drop Arsenal when you're hitting on a goal?

No, no, no. I would prefer not to. Let them find out. It's like if they know me or something, then whatever. But I'm not going to be like, oh, that's just – I don't feel like a douchebag. I used to pick whether I said I was an accountant or a blogger, depending on the situation. Pomegranate. Pomegranate.

I don't think I really know what a pomegranate is to be honest. Mango up there. I think that's too big. You think mango is tooomegranate. I don't think I really know what a pomegranate is to be honest. Mango up there. I think that's too big. I guess I don't really know. I like my mangoes nice and dried. Feidelberg is having 60 servings of mangoes a week.

Dried mangoes from Trader Joe's? No, I get mine on Amazon from Made in Nature they're called. They're so good. They're so good. Bro, I eat 60 servings. I eat 6 pounds of mangoes a week. That can're so good. They're so good, dude. So good. Bro, I eat six pounds. Sixty servings. I eat six pounds of mangoes a week.

That can't be good. Please go watch on YouTube. Tommy's face was like, I'll show you the size of the bag. Let me see the ones you're talking about. Because there's Dehydro. There's one I don't like. There's one that was too sugary I got from Target, but then I found a better one from Trader Joe's. Where's my recent orders?

Here we go. It's healthy-ish. It's probably not worth having 60 servings of it. Right. 28 ounces. Right here. Oh, yeah. No added sugars.

We're good. 140 cals per fucking serving. No big deal. How many servings? 60 a week, though? I have 60 servings per week. No added sugars, man. That's key. That's a lie.

I would say that's eight servings a day. 24 grams of sugar, but no added sugars. That's what I mean. Fruit is bad for you. That's the new Bargatze bit. Where he's like, show me your friends addicted to pineapple and can't fit through the door. Anyone who doesn't eat well is like, once you start eating fruit, it's like, you got

to be careful with the fruit. So a lot of sugar in there. Yeah. Yeah. I feel, I mean, it is sugary though. I don't know. I don't get why. I tried to go through another recent fitness phase that didn't last, but I was following

all these accounts and they're like, no, sugar is like – it's natural sugar. It's different. It's not refined sugar, so it's fine. Eat as much fruit as you want. Have your blueberries. Yeah. That's why I've been smoking mangies. Interesting.

Interesting. So before you came on here, Francis and Kelly were yelling at each other. Horrible. But I've said that the whole time. The clip part is what I'm dead serious about. I'm dead serious about that. Everything else about them as but i've said that the whole time the clip part is what i'm dead serious about i'm dead serious yes everything else about them as people i said that i said that they're fine people whatever i know them they're now upset with me probably i literally still haven't spoken to them they're like i don't know what they're doing why don't we get them out

there get them out here they're listening they're there listening they can get in the convo ladies alex jordan We're okay. You don't want to chat? I'm not trying, I'm not being a bitch. We're just having a talk. They don't want to talk. It's fine.

It's fine. Like, but they just, they don't want to talk, they don't want to chat. Okay, okay. I am afraid. This is the, it's Monday as you listen to this now, so last week was the big beef

between Kelly and Mean Girls, which then Francis got involved with, along with Nate. What do you think is the more, the juicier story and the more, like, important, if you will, battle? The girls or the guys in this one? What are you considering the guy battle? Nate versus Dave? Francis. Yeah, I guess Dave.

No, I still think it's Kelly versus Alex and Jordan. Because that was just – that was like so real. We're now like Jordan and Alex don't even want to talk to Kelly. That like is – When Kelly came on our show, she goes like – like I don't have a problem with these girls. We'll still be friends. There can still be a relationship.

And I was like there will not be a relationship. No, so we were over there. Kelly and Francis were going back and forth. Alex and Jordan were by Alex's desk. So they're there while Kelly – Not the whole thing. It was at the end. And Kelly was like, girls, do you want to come over here? They're like, no, we're all good.

So they hate Kelly a lot. They hate to see that. I also – I mean I think they played it right by being like, we're not engaging. No, I wish they engaged a little bit more. I know you do. I know you do. It would be very fun. Oh, by the way, I feel rude.

Oh, yes, please. Yeah, Tommy's a big fan. Oh, you're a Zinn guy. Love a good Zinner. Love a good Zinner. I'm very natural with it. I do need a spit cup because I do like to spit it. Zin's going to call and be like, do not.

Do not. I've never had that fucking freak. Me and Tommy have been zinning it up in all our content recently. Whatever it does, I'm worried about my blood pressure. It makes my heart beat really fast. My urine physical I missed this morning. You missed it? It apparently was yesterday. I missed it. I misread I missed this morning. You missed it? It apparently was yesterday.

I missed it. I misread ZocDoc. I got it next Tuesday. That was what Tommy said when I gave him a dead arm. He goes, I got my urine physical tomorrow. Yeah, I'd have to have blood drawn, maybe a shot. The doctor's like, for 364 days you were doing pretty good, but it seems like yesterday things took a turn. Turn for the worst.

You're dying. I got my year-end physical tomorrow. But anyway, with the girls and whatnot, you would obviously prefer them seeing more. I think as someone, I don't think I've ever really been in pro, certainly nothing to this level. I don't think I've really been in pro all that much. You done?

No, no, no, I'm good. Just spit it. Oh, I'll just spit it. I tend to lean towards, I'm more of a like, do your fucking thing, say your piece, but I'm not going to be in a screaming match

about this. Yeah. Well, I'm certainly not going to be in a screaming match about it. We want everyone else to'm certainly not going to be in a screaming match about it. We want everyone else to be. I mean, this is like if like Barksville Radio was still around today. Like there would have been a – That was a great plug.

Thank you. 45-minute segment of Alex and Jordan and Francis and Kelly all on together. It would have been magic. Totally. It would have been great. That is – I miss that stuff. I also feel like you love it, right but i i think i just asked it earlier like you never have you ever been i am a hypocrite yeah let's make that clear like have you been in

one yet oh yeah like i said like a little bit but that right you've never been like like david mad at you like well when the chinese food were you in on that yeah the chinese guys didn't clean up that was a group thing yeah that was a group yeah when you're in the blender it fucking sucks or that was like the worst i ever had with they was i'm not gonna work here is when i was an intern and i was like in the the team portnoy training program he said and then i was at the super bowl with fordham and we interviewed sal pal and he was like you're out you're dead yeah yeah yeah and then i was good luck charm and i was i was back that was like the worst of like and he was like, you're out. You're dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I became his good luck charm, and I was back. But that was like the worst of like – and I was a senior.

I was an intern. I was like, I'm just not doing the job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was the most scary one. But in terms of like fights with other – like arguments with other people, not really. Not that I can think of, which I don't know. Because when you're – when you are doing it, it just fucking sucks. And you can say – like Jordan said, I'm a person.

I was crying yesterday. Because you can be like, I got thick skin. I don't give a fuck. And you might not. And you might not really deep down care. Like, I'm still going about my day. But you'd prefer this not to be the case. Yeah.

Being in it, you don't want to. It is something. No matter what like half the internet is going to be hating you even totally even if a bunch of people are cheering you on like there's going to be those people that hate you and that hate sounds worse than the the cheers and it's just right i i to me i'm always like what should you subscribe uh should you reply should you not i never liked the idea of like don't give them the attention they're looking for when it's a hit piece it's like i don't fucking care you talk shit about me. I want to defend it

I don't care if you have one follower if I if I want to clap back I'm going to I also think if people are talking shit and it's all eyes on you I think if you're gonna go through that that shitty feeling where you're like upset You might as well write a blog put out a video Capitalize get some downloads from it and get some positive to come out because it was thrust upon you anyway so you might as well be like my most listened to podcast ever because my title is like i reply to kelly keegs and it's always gonna perform like that's what barstool was always yeah i remember like the like i was a college

kid be like all right the after show today like on the road you're gonna argue about something the after show is the best right like that's what're going to argue about something. The after show was the best. Right. Like that's what, that's what made Barstool like so successful. I know, but so that's where,

we'll find out. I just, that's where I'm like, you know, do you, do you need it? It's, it's like,

we talked, we talked about it. I love watching Tommy. It's not even, they, they are like this. We're pulling our whole campaign. That was so gross. They are like this. We're pulling our whole campaign. Zen gang. Zen, if you want to sponsor me.

It is. I think that disagreement and the argument is all healthy and good. And we kind of talked about gas on Thursday's episode. We're like, but as long as you can be like, if you're not the kind of person who can't be like no we're fine don't worry about it like we give a shit like afterwards then i i would recommend not engaging and not doing anything but if you're like i almost think there needs to be rules of engagement like i don't think you we can go you can't go forward being like we can hit piece each other because that's like it's like we we don't like hit pieces right when they do them on the outside it's like fuck these people but i think it's fair to be like

a disagreement yeah it is it does i said this time i thought this cross line because this felt calculated like the whole company was like yeah it was like a today we're all gonna say something like everyone like i i you know i didn't see a ton of people but i saw a good amount of people i recognized i was like man everyone's quote-tweeting it being like, today is the straw that broke the camel's back. That one in particular was very bizarre because it's something a lot of people here have said. Tom Segura's old bit was like, I learned it from the pandemic. I didn't wash my hands unless I had literal shit on me.

That was the only thing. Brianna and Grace said it. We said it. Tom said it. Burt Kreischer said it about Will Smith. Remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Will Smith doesn't wash his hands.

It's just not, you know. Piss lap. Yeah, it was surprising timing. But I agree when I saw it. I didn't expect us to have an award this week from that clip. Right, right. It was weird. But I'm glad we did.

What if it was like you have to uh talk to someone public privately first before you before you go bash them publicly no yeah because then like you're gonna miss out on that then it's like then it's like it's just all then then that's what like people think barstool it is that's what this is all wwe like yeah i'm just saying like well for i think it's weird to be like i have a problem with your content but if there was like an issue i don't know i i wish there was just a way to keep some of that drama magic without turning this place into like a i don't want to go to work today because we're all fighting and well yeah but i don't think

that's like ever like that like dave said on your show where it's like that with him, like that part of – these are going to come up once a year. Yeah. So it's never going to be – you know, kind of like smile to your face, like, you know, talk about you behind your back sort of thing is still going on. And I'm like, is that even something you can like stop? Is that like... No, but you can't stop that. It's trying to like, you know,

wrangle like high schoolers together. It's like, I would love this place to be something cool and fun and like good, but you could probably have that with five or six people and each click but you can't have it with like 10 or 12 yeah you're 50 like it just doesn't really eventually people are going to hate each other i did tell gas i was like you know they put like a bullseye on their back by being like the mean girls the mean girls the mean girls the mean girls are great the mean girls are great the mean girls are great be like the mean girls

and inevitably people are gonna be like they're the teacher's pet like fuck the mean girls the mean girls the mean girls are great the mean girls are great the mean girls are great be like the mean girls and inevitably people are gonna be like they're the teacher's pet like fuck the mean girls it's not really their fault though it's fucking little finger up there just you know weekly emails do you have like a shrine to gaz being like i want to be like you one day yeah i mean gaz i'm it was it was so funny that he was just here the next day i know like he was he bought that play he was like right that was like I walked I was like someone said Gatsby

there's no fucking way Gats knew what clip like the social team told him like Sunday night they're like here's Monday's clip that motherfucker was mom

he's like yeah Monday Kelly will probably write that blog I didn't even know he said he's like he's like I had Chuck go up to Kelly

be like you gotta do that on video now yeah and it's like oh stirring that pot he did say he was like I didn't even know he said he's like I had Chuck go up to Nick Kelly and be like you gotta do that on video now yeah and I was like oh stirring that pot he did say he was like

I haven't I haven't gone to Dave and ratted on somebody in a long time he's like Nate and Francis got gassed hardcore

what do you think of the Nate thing cause that's why I think I think the girls fighting is probably more salacious and juicy for you

I think the Nate and Francis thing is a bigger situation. This feels a lot to me like the Rhea and Frank and Hank thing while we were worried about the burners. Where I was like, no one cares. These people are fucking arse-fucking. That one's true though. That one's just not out. But to me, if you have somebody potentially playing favorites and suppressing your work,

that's fucking nuts. Yeah, but I don't think Nate was ever going to not publish that book. How he says that! I think he would've got bullied into it. I don't think there was a world where he was going to go, you know what, you're right, let me post it.

That's not what the dog does. I think he was always going to post it. I think he really didn't want to. I think he was going to go, you know what? You're right. Let me post it. That's not what the dog does. I think he was always going to post it. I think he really didn't want to. I think he was going to. I think he just wanted to get those texts off. Yeah. Those 11 slides. But I do believe that he was going to post it. It is the and I have no problem. I've talked

to Nate privately. I'm obviously friends with Nate and I told this to him. I was like, those are fucking insane. You look like a maniac. And he's like, yeah, I don't know. I just lost my mind for a bit. But they are... He cares too much. Yeah. That's everyone here's problem. You care too much. Yeah, it really is though.

You can't care too much. There's a healthy medium of I want to do good work. I want to get better at work. I want to do all this. But it is... It sounds probably fake and lame and people who don't go through it are probably rolling their eyes and fake and lame and people who don't go through it are probably rolling their eyes and i totally get that but like the internet adulation or criticism

or responses are incredibly addicting like like the most i've done a lot of substances in my life hands down the most addicting one is is fucking internet shit. I remember my first week at Barstool when I posted. I don't even remember who I was doing the links of the day. And I don't even remember the commenter's name. But I remember I called out a commenter, made a joke about a commenter in one of my links. And it got like, links of the day got like 70 comments. And I was like, get them going. And it takes a long time to get away from that. like links of the day got like 70 comments and i was like i was like get them going and like that

it takes a long time to get away from that yeah it takes a long time to really like think basically like focus on yourself and be like i'm not doing things to just search it up i want to do things like i actually think or whatever and it's it's a hard thing to get someone to be like no that doesn't matter but everyone to everyone here to 99 other people here the fucking comments matter the likes matter the retweets matter. And two, obviously, they do not matter to an extent they do. Sure, sure. But when you're letting it dictate how you – I think it's better to let it dictate your content than it is to dictate how you feel about other people.

Because there is like that glass shattering moment you can have where someone will like – if you're reading your mentions or reading comments and someone will say something about someone. Wait a second. You're like, you're right, that does piss me off. That thought had never even entered your mind. Right. But you read it about another coworker and you're like, yeah, you're right, fuck that. You got bullied into hating somebody out of nowhere. I hate that shit.

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Code Kevin for 20% off. Yeah's MVMT.com. Code Kevin for 20% off. Yeah, so I have two things here. But yeah, one, that to me is like, I could take a mean tweet or reply or whatever to me. Like, I don't care. I care about other people seeing it. Like, I don't want other people to think, oh, these people are on me for this reason or whatever.

I think I have a different way. Whenever like the main account or even KFC Radio, if they add a guest who I like in the same tweet, I mute it right away. Because I don't want to see – because it will make me uncomfortable around them knowing that they've probably read that. Whatever someone is saying or something like that. Right, right, right. So I just mute it right away so I don't have to to see people being either mean to well or or yeah so you but you're just like out of sight out of mind yeah right yeah like we had uh someone on ati recently and they were like god damn like your comment section is the most fucking toxic place on the internet and it's

someone who's like been on other very toxic shit before and i i'm like god damn it guys like like you know that person is not gonna want to do answer the internet next time or like when we do do it they're like all right i don't want to be like a pussy and let them win so i'll do it but i'm gonna hate this you know and it's like shut the fuck up guys the main comment section of our instagram is very interesting to me because it's like, shut the fuck up, guys. The main comment section on Barstool Instagram is very interesting to me because it's not like – I wouldn't consider those people stoolies. No. They're like Instagram followers now.

They don't even know there's anything else about Barstool. They're just like, this is Barstool Sports. Why the fuck am I not seeing sports? They're genuinely perplexed. So here's what I'm perplexed. You read the comments of a post that – If I'm tagged in it, I'm not going to read. I get people who read a comment that

they're the post is them and they read comments i get it i don't get people who just like see a post and like i gotta read the comments like i i don't know well not on like a barstool but i mean maybe like a meme page or something see like that even even that that's crazy the top two get like filtered out you know for like likes or whatever so So that can be funny or it can be controversial or whatever. That's pinned or whatever. But to hit open comments to me is that – Well, I think it's toxic on Barstow. I think there are meme pages where people are just cracking jokes.

Even that, I don't know. I want to see what the professional does. I'm talking like a Twitter. But you talk about meme pages. Those are professionals. So it's like you're going to a basketball game and be like, I've got to see the halftime show. Sometimes, though, on TikTok, sometimes the comments are funnier than the videos.

TikTok specifically. And they're not toxic. Well, sometimes. But TikTok, for the most part, are just nice people cracking jokes. I mean, I wish. For some reason, that's the one I don't use. If the internet was more like that, it'd be fucking great. But it's decidedly not.

So the other thing you were going to say is how good it feels to get nicely upset about you. It is literally better than sex. And I have the proof. There was one night where I – it was the i i made the the mincey video where i i got arrested and i was getting just a lot of compliments all night i was gross i couldn't get enough of it and uh i was i had plans with this girl and i canceled them yeah i said you know what i didn't tell this but i was like i'd much rather just sit here and just soak it all in tonight see go like make you know a little awkward small talk and maybe have sex.

This is way better. What was the reason? Work. I gotta work late tonight. Technically not wrong. That is the best part of this job is that you can always I got out of a brunch with my aunt the other day. I was like, the Bruins are playing today. I gotta work. Yeah, work. Weekends and holidays. Sorry, I can't do anything.

I'm glad you brought that up because I think that is even worse than reading negative stuff. Well, I'm a maniac. John, Out of Order came out and it was like the most successful fucking Barstool video of all time. I texted him about it. I read the tag. People texted me. I said, thank you very much.

That's nice. I sent a group because I knew all these fuckers weren't watching or looking. So I sent a group text to like Owen and John and Sass and Nick and Pabs. And I was showing them all the good comments. Being like, look at this. And Owen was like, thanks for filtering that out, man. I was like, I didn't filter. This is crazy.

Every single comment was positive. And the one negative comment, the guy came back around and was like, I was wrong. I watched the second skit and it was really fucking funny it and he won't be he won't he won't even look at it and i i respect what he says like if you're going to believe them when they're sucking your dick that means you have to believe them when they're trashing you but i also don't think so i think there's still like a weighted average here where the ease with which you could just go fuck you that's not funny versus i sat sat down, I watched this. People being like, oh, this is great.

The Kill Your Dad skit was the best. That means they watched it. They react to it. We used to see people reply to something in 10 seconds. This blog sucked. It's like you couldn't even possibly have read it by now. I don't even mean for the reasons you listed. I do believe in all those,

where you've got to believe in all that stuff. But I think that's... I said it the path decided i didn't hear we were walking through the airport went to boston he's like he's like i read all of them he's like they're all like amazing blah blah and i had like genuinely said to him i was like you gotta be careful with that too because you'll get lost in that sauce we're like i think it's almost worse it's a you read back about you that it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy and you believe it and you're like fuck it

and you make bad content there also can be the way it can be a possibility where you're like you know what I'm going to show them wrong I'm going to work harder

it can almost be like a kick in the ass I think you can rest on your laurels too easily if you're like oh this is fucking easy everyone loves it

that's show business everyone else who kind of sucks is because they have yes men no no no that sequel was awesome no it fucking wasn't I like everyone else who kind of like sucks is because they have Yes Men yeah no no no that sequel was awesome right no it fucking was

I do think at the end of the day you have the best case because I said we're all professionals just basically everyone here has been told by someone with authority

who we like to at least think knows what they're doing they said you're good at this you have a job yeah and I think the best thing you can do is do that is fuck like like the reason i didn't watching this the reason i'm doing because i was in the fucking room and we were all laughing our asses off and i

was like this is fucking funny i like i know this is funny we're all laughing we're having a good time this is funny so who gives a fuck what anyone else says whether they think it's funny whether they don't think it's funny i'm like we are all funny people we know this is funny so fucking let's do it let's put it out. And I think that's the best way to go about everything. Where you just don't... If you're working here, you're funny. If you've gotten to Barstool Sports, you have

a level of talent. I don't see the benefit of... It's fun. I know. I'm not speaking to you. I'm speaking to everyone else at barstool listening to this do it again turn that girl down again just fucking i do i do think you make a good point but also like i i think i am level-headed enough and rational enough where

i could like see a comment and not actually be like i'm the greatest thing that's ever like i could like you could feel because you read the bad too like a lot of bad too and you could just read them both. Because I do think sometimes you get a lot of bad. I've gotten a decent amount of bad at times. It's like it's nice to see it washed away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you got to take your wins where you can get them. I don't think there's any harm in being like the people like this one.

But I already – it was already a win to me. So it was – nothing good could come. I was there. Sure. I did it. I was like this is funny. get that like i it was but there is like god i can't even imagine what it would be like to be a likable person on the internet you can be popular like i have an audience there are people who like me but in general you know people will call me polarizing

or all these other backhanded words that are just like there's a lot of people who fucking hate you. I can't imagine how easy it is to just wake up and fucking go. But is there anyone that's true? I don't know if there's anyone that's true. I think we think about that and that comes in with self-confidence and all that kind of shit. But if you ask me, everyone else here at Barstool, everyone else is beloved. Yeah, and they don't feel that way either uh yeah you could be as beloved by like 98 percent of people but when someone sees two bad comments they're like you're a loser yeah yeah yeah

i i think that there's just uh like it's not i don't think there's any harm in like getting some positive because you just don't get any anywhere else yeah that's actually what i think if we did it here like in-house if there was more not just guys being like your video did good everyone be more like them if it was like a you know you get like a little celebration for doing something awesome you you know i've actually been trying to work on that like game balls and teams give out game balls and shit like that. And then when you get beat down, you've got some positive shit in the tank

to keep you afloat. I've been trying to do that, and it's been a recent thing, so not a ton. But like, I wasn't against it. I wasn't trying to suppress anyone, but I would just read something and carry on my day. Retweeted't against it. I wasn't trying to suppress anyone, but I would just read something and carry on my day. Retweet it or like it. And now I'm trying to like it.

Yeah, it was good stuff. Even if it's not like parcel, whatever it is, if it achieved the job it was supposed to do, show that. Because how many times, when we see our YouTube at one point was like 97% of views was non-subscribed people. And it was like, you motherfuckers just pushed them off. I've been trying to curate my YouTube, like watching YouTube to subscribe to a channel.

So it's also like I want more things like this. If I like it, I want more things like this. If you use YouTube right, it's amazing. But we were all just like, no, I just watch that video and X out of it. I was going to say, apparently there's like a weekly tiktok report email that gets like sent out and like someone said they're like oh yeah you've been on it like a decent amount of decent amount of times like sometimes good sometimes bad where it's like oh tommy this video did great this week oh tommy needs more volume it's like i i don't get those emails like they're sent to like the

social team and production it's like what good does that do me? Other people are seeing that. That just feels like that seems mean. If some people are like, oh, Tommy's sucking on TikTok this week and it's not even to me. At least tell me that. That's crazy. You think you're not, or is it going to a separate email? It's going to, I think, social and producers.

And the producers are supposed to tell, like Nick would probably get it and he would tell you or whatever. But I do my own TikTok. I don't have someone. You don't have a producer. This was addressed in our meeting last week where we have a rights and clearances girl now and every single week, or every two weeks,

she puts out an email and there's always one that's like, stop screenshotting games and using them on the blog. It's like, have you talked to content? And she's like, no.

It's them doing it like we're not writing blogs and crazy it's it's crazy it happens in those meetings but people who run their own channel we're not talking to them and it's nuts yeah like bob fox is another producer since day one he's not gonna right he doesn't know these things he's making the fucking video and putting it out yes that's crazy we gotta got to try to fix that. Yeah. So where, what's been your whole take on the drama? Like where do you fall? This drama?

I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what's, I mean, what specifically? Whose side are you on? Oh, I don't take sides. You crazy me?

I think it's all great content. I mean, I see, I could honestly, I could see where kelly is coming from but i could also see alex norman be like fuck you yeah whatever like you know i i don't want to engage in this or whatever and we're we're putting up like uh numbers on social or whatever so i see the i you know i just like to stay neutral I just like to Tommy Switzerland but I have no problem with Kelly Ryan like I think like

Kelly Ryan that blog is like I have no problem with it's like that's to me like the classic bar school and you know Jordan and Alex

are free to respond to whoever they want to respond it's a dirty game out here man what are you looking at nothing what

fart again or something yeah are you looking at? Nothing. What? Did you fart again or something? Yeah. What are you looking at, Jackie? Jackie is just down winged. I'm looking at you with your shit headphones on. Do I know my boy or do I know me? That's another fucking fart, dude. How bad is it, Jackie?

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That's rocketmoney.com slash KFC. What is it, John? Rocketmoney.com slash KFC. So you, Rudy, and Caroline are doing shit together? Yeah, so we're doing a podcast, and then they were like, they told Caroline to start a podcast when she got hired. She started a podcast. Then she asked me and Rudy to do it, and then they were like, probably shouldn they told Caroline, like, start a podcast when she got hired. She started a podcast. Then she, like, asked me if I was ready to do it. And then they were like, probably shouldn't start a podcast in 2023.

It's hard to break into a new audience. It's such a bad idea. It is great. Even that, though, like, that surprises me. It's like someone saying don't start. And I guess radio is different because radio is regional and all podcasts are international. But, like, I don't know. It feels like, yes.

I'm not saying start podcasts. But just, like, I don't know. Podcasts are done? Like, that doesn't – I don't know. I don't think they're done. It's so oversaturated. Yeah, I think – It's hard to break into starting a new one.

If you're grandfathered in, you're fine. Right. Like right now. Or if you are an athlete, a singer, you come with your own audience. Yeah, yeah. Taylor Swift started a podcast singer, you come with your own audience. Taylor Swift started a podcast tomorrow, bro. She'd be fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know?

But new people – because the thing is it's like – you know, love you guys, but it's just like a couple guys and a girl like shooting the shit. It's like I've already got five of those that I listened to in the last ten years. Yeah, it's also like for the three of us, like that's – I didn't really want – like I've never had like a consistent weekly podcast. Like I also don't really want – like I'd rather make like produce – Yeah, that's more your style. Something like that. So it's like it does just make sense. So this is going to be more of like a variety show where it's like – so we're finishing up the first episode and then we're going to try to release one every other Monday.

Well, not try to. We'll do it yeah where it's like it's not like a pure sketch show it's not it's like half podcast with like maybe a couple skits maybe a couple of like bringing other people in from the office for like uh the first one like nick judged our drawings of random things we would when it was the podcast we do like an improv segment or something like that and then it's also like intertwined with like just us sitting down and just to like you know ground the audience in terms of like of this is what's coming up next. So it's not just thing, thing, thing, thing, thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. It's a little like Chappelle Show-esque where you used to talk to the audience and then run the skit. He said the same thing every time before a skit. What did he say? I remember watching it. When you watched it once a week. Like let's roll it or something like that?

Yeah. When you watched it once a week, you didn't really pick up on it. But when you're watching the DVDs, you're like, he says the same thing every time. It was crazy. Fuck these trans people. But yeah, I like doing stuff like that. Me and Rowan are going to start shooting season two of The Smoke Show soon. I don't want to give away any spoilers, but season two of that.

And yeah, I just want to, you know, Barstool Comedy. The Smoke Show. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you've heard me suck your dick before. Yeah, I love it every time. No matter what fight says, I'll watch it. I'll get the transcript version. I do think that.

But I wanted you and Rudy. I know Rudy is going to go to Chicago, but I was like, we're thinking about all these people outside Barstool. And I was like, let's go get these people. And I was like, we got some people right here that are fucking already got a head start, already built in with the audience. Yeah, so I think maybe like if Rudy, whenever Rudy moves, like then maybe it just becomes more of like a rotating third, almost like an SNL where it's like this person is on this week let's yeah I do wish like I feel like one problem like one thing that I uh feel like has been a problem for us is it's so like pod oriented like brand oriented yeah you work with your brand yeah and like your producers that was some of your show and that has to go on your channel and like it never was like that at first i actually specifically remember the brand meeting in the old office where everybody

was like split up into your own pod like obviously it's been successful but i do wish there was more just like collaboration of like yeah just put this on which like maybe that's what i remember like you just put that on hope it's just a funny video and you don't have to worry about whose page this goes on i don't know how it happened it was organic there was never a meeting like all right everyone split up into pairs and it just works that way it just it just did and i remember and it was i think it was because it was like you and i is dan pft i don't even know who else there was at that time caleb and rome caleb and rome ria fran ria fran Rhea Fran Rhea Fran but I remember it was like

when we were we brought in Asa and you know it didn't really work out despite how lost Masa is and Erica we were meeting Erica she's like

I just feel like here everyone duos you gotta have duos and I was like you're 100% right trio is just there's always gonna be

two people who like relate a little bit more to each other and the third person feels like there's those things like a threesome friend group there's two going to be two people who like relate a little bit more to each other yeah third person feels like yeah there's a threesome friend group like caroline friends were better friends and then caroline and rudy have like such good chemistry and they're so fun dead weight scabelli over here i'm sure they were just dying

so yeah i mean i'm hoping that too i hope i hope there is like a i sometimes all of this shit that i want to do like then you talk to like a salesperson they're like no it doesn't work that way because if you know if we we need to sell like them because they get this many views and if we put your show on their thing right then they're not expect you know that's not going to get the same but i'm also like god damn it just make up new rules on how to sell things. They told us all the time that we couldn't do extra episodes of the podcast because it would lower our weekly average because you're introducing a third show,

and that third show doesn't have the same audience because it's a new schedule and that the average is going to go down. And I was like, just fucking break it out. Or just be like, okay, instead of we have an average listeners we have mass listeners this right spin it that way sell it that way like podcast used to be you have to do it for one hour once a week clearly that changed right like just fucking sell it better we'll fix it up always change to where it's like i remember like specifically with social media where it's i feel like we're it's just like you're in a wheel like instagram used to be you gotta post uh horizontal or whatever then it's instagram tv and like yeah that's real oh man igtv i forgot about that

oh igtv was gonna take over the world yeah yeah just like it's always just changing where it's like i don't know i'd rather just do something and then we could figure out the formatting yeah i i was saying i i want there to be a new social media platform that is like no algorithm you can post pictures or videos they could be short or long they can just put it out like just the internet basically who sees how do you decide what you get shown just like if like word of mouth basically like there's like a retweet type of thing like i can repost it to my account and if it gets a lot of like, you know, if it exponentially starts to grow, like so be it. But not because someone goes, we're going to open up it to like all these other people or we're going to suppress it down.

Just fucking natural. And if you want it to be horizontal or vertical or short or long, like fucking whatever, just do it. But there's never going to do that because the smart people who make these things are also like, we're going to fucking control it and make all the money. I mean, also the algorithms are crazy. Where it's like, you say,

you almost have to be like, read a G. The fact that we can't curse anymore is insane. It's like going back to like sitcoms where it's like, you can do comedy where you it's like you can do like you can do comedy like that where you curse and shit but not on our network like you're just never going to make it to CBS or NBC like go ahead and troll around on the stage

at a comedy club making no money it's like if you want to be big you gotta say darn it it's fucking right my idea was to have you break up social media by like almost like age groups

and then they were like that's probably not a good idea it's like yeah maybe not maybe come to my place okay last question if

the alarmingly stupid label was never shed and you never became dave's good luck charm slash little uh tweak fuck boy um where do you think you would end up like doing like broadcasting you think i don't know like was that was that were you good enough that you would have had like a job doing that not right away i mean nobody is good enough right right away i mean i remember like my year-end meeting in 2017 with Gaz when I was an attorney. It was like right now we don't have open spots, but we like you.

We'd like to – I'd be like a full-time social employee when I graduated in May. So maybe I would have done that. I'm surprised. What do you think you were doing that was good enough for that? Good enough for that? I think just like I was good at whatever I was doing with like Viva La Stool or whatever. Smoke shows, whatever I had. So, yeah, maybe I would have just taken that because at least I got my foot in the door here. Right.

Otherwise, I don't know what I – I don't know. I never honestly had to think about it. Your first contract or like hiring whatever was for content or production or like behind the scenes? Full-time contract was content. Content. Yeah. But interning was like behind the scenes. Interning was behind was content. Content. But interning was like behind the scenes. Interning was behind the scenes.

You're old Viva La Stool. Like, I remember us all being afraid to say shit around you because you would fire off quotes. You were a fucking rat. You had the overheard in the Barstool office, right? I mean, hey. I got eyeballs. I'm surprised I didn't see a few of those today.

Yeah, how come you weren't in the transcript of that? As soon as I saw Kelly and Francis going at it I just go to Chuck Chuck fucking you know director over here yeah so I mean yeah I did want to shed that reputation so people could be comfortable around me

I might still have the login alright so the when do the shows come out? What is today? It's probably going to be Monday, April 4th. Let me see what that Monday is. I think Monday, April 3rd will likely be the first episode of the Please End This variety show. Next week, Please End This.

I don't know if we'll be on. Is it music minute two? I know Caroline does music. Did you say Nick? Nick. Oh, yeah. Are you looking at me? Should we put that on the Barstool Comedy YouTube or the Please End This YouTube?

We'll figure that out. I don't really know yet. I'm not sure what's going on. Yeah, I'm trying to figure out how that page is going to look in total but i'd love it to be like a like everybody do it but like youtube has these rules and you got to do it the same way every time and that's your length is their length and they upload different times yeah we can figure it out but yeah so it'll be on youtube at some point on probably monday april 3rd is there music in, too? I know Caroline does a lot of music.

Not the first episode, but yeah, I'm sure she'll sing and shit. Smoke sings, too. Yeah? I mean, I can. We've seen it. Take us out. No, no, no. Give us a little Sinatra.

Yeah, give us Sinatra. Regret. No, I'm not talking about that. All right, let's get into it. I'm here for the drama. Are you? Sure. Are you one of those?

Like, do you like... Yeah, it's so much better working at an office with drama. I love it. I feel like you... I mean, I follow you on social media. I feel like you don't get into the drama. No, but I like seeing it. Yeah, you like to watch it from a distance.

It's fun. The drama will slowly kill you. Yeah, but watching it at work makes the day go by. Yeah. For sure. I love it. What's like a job in the past

that you've had prior to the comedy world? I worked in a law office. And there's a ton of drama there. It was fun. How long did you do that for? Seven years. So it was a law office, and there's a ton of drama there. That was fun. How long did you do that for? Seven years. So it was a law office and also a collection agency.

Is this live now? Oh, I don't know what we're doing. Oh, okay. I have no idea what we're doing. I'm like, am I talking to this, and I'm not supposed to be? I love office drama. It's just the best. We got no shortage of it here.

It's nice to see it happen with a lot of guys, too, because usually people think it's just what women do. No, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nice when you get it. I mean, I think it's exclusively guys arguing here, usually. Although I think the women are about to pop off. We always say that our CEO, Erica, she started working with us, and I think there were like

12 employees, all guys. And she said when she retires one day, she's writing a us and I think there were like 12 employees and all guys. And she said when she retires one day, she's writing a book that all guys are chicks. Because it was the most she's ever been around. Yeah, you think that it's just like all dudes laid back. It's like, no, no, no, we're just Yeah, I've seen that argument happening

and I was very excited for it. And then I was telling you and I thought you were going to be quiet and you're just asking. I was like, for it. And then I was telling you, and I thought you were going to be quiet about it, and you're just asking. I was like, what are you doing? Well, I turned around, and I made eye contact with her right away, and I was like, oh, she was like, yeah. I would have kept it quiet,

but I was not smooth about that one at all. So it's funny that it plays into this, because I feel like the joke you had opening up for Louis in your set about you can get the transgender surgery, but you'll still always

shit like a dude. Oh, yeah. It's so fucking perfect. Like, as I'm thinking about it, it's like guys and girls are all the same. Like, they're catty. No way.

And fighting and this and that, but there's one thing that will always... Dudes just out-shit women. It's just incredible. The amount of toilet paper you go through.

It's a good thing, though. You know what I mean? Sure, but it's like eight times a day. You should see my fucking closet. It is just to the brim with toilet paper. And you'll be done with it in like a month. You're actually a pretty infrequent shitter I feel like. I'm running

through, if we're going to get specific about shit, we're going to get specific about shit. I'll give you numbers. I'm running through a tough period of my life right now. And I'm probably not going to make too much eye contact with you while I tell this because it makes me uncomfortable. We'll never see each other again.

It's fine. Make as much eye contact as you want. I'm probably not going to make too much eye contact with you while I tell this because it makes me uncomfortable. We'll never see each other again. It's fine. Make as much eye contact as you want. But this has been, I was in Boston this weekend and I was in a hotel and I just like, I left a big tip. Oh, God. How bad could it be? Flush, it goes down. Therein lies the problem, Kevin. It wasn't a clogged. They don't have plung problem, Kevin. It wasn't a clogged...

It wasn't a clogged situation. It was just a sticky one. So it just left a lot of marks. Oh, boy. You're a guy. And I look... If you're listening at home, please go watch on the YouTube because her head shaking

eyes close is disgusting. I've lived with guys, so I get it. And to be fair to me, because I'm so neurotic and important, I did look for a scrub thing and I even went so bad where I was like, maybe I'll go get something at CVS. And now that I'm thinking in my head out loud, I could have just bought a scrub brush. But no, that's not what I thought at first. I was like, I'll get and I'll buy something and they'll give it to me in a bag. And I can put my hand in the bag and grab a face towel and I'll clean it out. I can't believe I didn't think of brush first.

I can't believe you were going to go as far to go to the store. I would have just been like, sorry, lady. Like, I don't believe I didn't think of brush first. I can't believe you were going to go as far to go to the store. I would have just been like, sorry, lady. I don't know. I took a shit in this toilet. CVS was right across the street. That was nice of you to try and do that, though. I thought. Oh, you just thought of it.

It's a thought that counts. You couldn't pee it off? I tried. I tried. I was chugging water. I had to give a pee test. I was like, slam waters. I was trying to do that new Jacqueline's commercial. I tried. I tried. Yeah. I was chugging water. I had to give like a pee test. I was like slam waters. I was trying to be like that new Jacqueline's commercial.

I was like. I was holding like a hose. It was. It didn't work. It didn't work. So. We just had Ari in here. Oh, Ari.

We want to talk about fucking shitting problems. I know. I've chored with Ari. So yeah, you for sure know that he came in here. He makes his own ass tampons. Thank God. In the middle of the interview, he pulled it out. I've had to be like, don't touch me with that.

He put it on his phone. You have to say don't put that near me. Which is crazy that you have to say, I want to go on the record, don't put your ass tampon near me. That was on your phone? I bought a new phone.

I tried my hardest. It was like that, and I went to grab it and it was like, ah! I couldn't do it in time. And that almost made it worse because I was pulling it away and it just greased the whole thing almost. Oh, God. I immediately obviously wiped it down with more shit.

You touched his ass blood, but we didn't touch your shit in the toilet? Yeah, when you paint it like that. One is your choice versus one was thrust upon you. But then I went to Apple and my other contract wasn't fulfilled so I had to buy

a phone and buy out my old phone. So I paid $1,800. You paid $800 because Ari did that? I was all for going to get a new phone. I don't know if I'm paying $2,000 because someone's man-fond touched it. I'd be good with scrubbing it down. I'm going to force Ari to give you money for that.

That's insane. What I described, I knew it was clean. I knew I cleaned it. I had taken disinfectant wipes and literally it was clean. It's cleaner than any hospital I've been in and all that shit. But I could not look at my phone anymore. There's no way. I couldn't keep using that.

I mean, anything in your life. Let's say, even if it's not a bloody ass tampon. Anything in your life that triggers you to think more about Ari Shaffir, you need to remove from your life. I don't ever want that to be a thing that pops into my head every day. That's insane that he did that. Do you know Ari? We know Ari. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't like... that to be a thing that pops into my head That's insane that he did that. Do you know Ari? We know Ari. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It wasn't like... No, no, no, no, no. No, no. It's still very gross. He's my brother. It's Kevin Shafir. No, you don't do that. I said that you...

If you deal with Ari, there's the Ari Shafir tax where he'll come in and you'll have a great podcast and it's a good interview. He'll make a great video. He's one of the OGs. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he'll do something irredeemably bad that you have to decide will do

can i let this like can we still be friends after this and if it's you know whether it's drugging you or rubbing shit on your face or whatever it's like i'd rather be drugged than that yeah yeah at least you get you know i actually almost texted him this weekend and you're usually i mean this is you saying will i still be friends. I actually almost texted him this weekend. And you're, I mean, I think this is you saying, will I still be friends with him? I almost texted him this weekend. I asked him, because you remember when he was in, like, I think the last time he was in, some of that book he was reading about how to be alone with yourself and use your phone and all that stuff. Yeah.

And I almost texted him asking, like, what's the name of that so I can read it? And I don't have his number anymore because I have a new phone. I'm texting him right now. It's disgusting. I mean, that is genuinely, like, I mean,

because we're friends with Ari and we know him, it's only then mildly acceptable. Like, anything else,

anybody else, it's like, that, you should be locked in prison. He was just sitting there and he just yeah i know yeah just plunged in you know i thought it was maybe in his pocket he did it as a bit it went right from asshole to phone and i'm not easily and i don't give a shit i've watched

it happen like a car crash like because i thought he was i thought he was rummaging in his pocket and i was like oh he's getting there's not many things worse than that I had turned to him for a second as he was doing it like holding it here and I just saw his face go like oh no

and I kind of was like I thought he was going to hit me or something and I turned and there's a fucking man pond

like six inches from my face I'll tell you I'll say this in the moment I was repulsed and now looking back on it, it's kind of funny, dude. No.

Stand up for something one time. It's a little funny now. Now I'm picturing it in the jackass vein. I'm like, that's what the boys would do. They're all jackass guys. If we were jackass guys, it'd be okay. I don't know. That's pretty gross.

It's repulsive. It's repulsive. It's repulsive. I remember texting Shane afterwards and Shane had like 10 texts back. He's just vile. He's fucking vile. He's so vile. Was he promoting his Beacon show? Yes.

No one goes seeing it. Everybody's shit on your seat at the Beacon or something like that. How the fuck did you do the garden like that with the in the round and i mean i don't know there's no way to prepare for it so i'm just gonna do it and see what happens were you nervous as fuck i was nervous just because i'm not like high energy on stage and i move around a lot so the idea of being in the round where i have to rotate i was like i don't know what i'm supposed to do yeah you did i mean you're set fucking murdered oh thank you i don't know what you're supposed to do in the round either it's like how frequently you're supposed to walk or turn so i don't know

i just asked louis and he just kind of told me to look at the cameras and just after each bitch's turn and that's kind of what i did i was like i don't know what else i should do i'm not like a lot like very moving around a lot so i was like i'll just do that and we'll see what happens oh man it could have went horribly bad you know like i had no i had no idea how it was gonna go but i always think it's wild that whoever opens up for these mega guys like you're not you're not working arenas so all of a sudden you have to be in front of fucking 20 000 people i know that that's a blessing but it's also like how the fuck am i supposed to do this there's no way to prepare for it yeah that's like you can work out your material but you're

gonna do it in front of 300 people 500 people a thousand people yeah you're not gonna do it in front of 18 no i did some theaters with him on his like european tour and stuff here but like not that big yeah i feel like he he um i mean obviously picking you to do it and then also just speaking about it has really co-signed your material. And I feel like that's his... I guess so. I mean, I did a show at The Stand the other night and it was going so well and one guy got upset and just walked out.

Hell yeah. And then when later his friends were like, well, he's gay. And I'm like, what does that even mean? So it was like for everybody. I know, but it's like, it's New York City, but he was just upset by it.

But everyone else was having a good time. I mean, listen, the time for gay people to be upset about shit is over. Okay? I didn't even say anything about gay people. Maybe he was upset I didn't do any jokes about gay people.

Maybe that's it. Maybe, I don't know. Because otherwise it's like, no, guys, come on. You're barely even Like a minority group anymore No I'm in this city

No way Look around I feel like a fucking loser Because I'm straight You could be gay I think about that often If we Being gay?

Yeah Oh okay I was making a joke Yeah no But if we All of a sudden Just came out as gay We'd probably

Our careers would skyrocket as compared to where we are now. I'll tell you what, I think we're too late to the game. I think Nick Offerman already crushed it. But he's not actually gay. I know, but that's like, they're just trying to bite Bill and Frank's style now. If we were the Bill and Frank of podcasting,

dude, if it was like, can you believe that those guys, they've been doing this podcast for 10 years and they just came out, they're gay, and they're fucking each other. That'd be so great. Right? That would be drama. People would be tuning in.

We'd have to really commit to it, maybe suck each other's dick, I don't know. Whatever. Not again. But you didn't feel like Louie has... I don't know Louie's always had my back he's very he's been very supportive of me I mean the material is I feel like you're one of the last out there

who really just fucking slings it I don't know about that I think I'm definitely one of those people but I'm definitely not one of the last there's a lot of them yeah I guess I shouldn't say that. Or maybe it's just to the level that you do it. Maybe.

It's rare. Again, I'm not phased by much, but there are times where I'm like, God damn, you just went for it. It's just funny because Louis will say that too. I'll say something and he's like, damn. I'm like, you're offended by that? Fucking Louis. And he's like, no, I just didn't expect it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think I've ever been offended once in my life, except for Ari Shaffir putting a shit stick on his face. But I am like, I am not offended, but I can see that there's going to be other people who are. Sure, yeah. Yeah, people will tell me they like watching me on stage because half the crowd loves it and the other half does not.

And it's just interesting watching those people are you cool with that like I mean I think earlier in my career I kind of felt bad and now I just don't care as much

well you feel bad for that like they're not having a good time or you feel bad like you're upset no I guess earlier in my career

I felt bad because I didn't understand that you know and now I'm just like alright I even know I'm just not for everybody I get that

so it's one thing to say that it's another thing to like accept it and. I even know I'm just not for everybody. I get that. It's one thing to say that. It's another thing to accept it and understand it. I think I've accepted it now. I think many years ago I didn't always because I guess I just wanted everyone to like me. Sure, you wanted as big of an audience as you could possibly get. But now I'm just like, I get that. That's not going to be the case.

We were out in Arizona and Mark Norman was trying some of his edgier shit. And I thought it was great. And even in a good way, the groans were edgier shit. And I thought it was great, and even in a good way. The groans were like, holy shit. Not like, boo, you know? But even just in talking to him, he was kind of like, oh, I don't know. And I'm like, you gotta know this is the deal by now.

Sure, yeah. Well, I guess, too, if you feel like those are all his fans, you would think they're expecting it well yeah I guess so he was opening for it was Bert, Shane and him so that's a different audience yeah that's not all his people

but yeah I mean you go to a Mark Norman show I can't even imagine the creatures there they're not going to talk about a single thing no I wouldn't think they would I think when you have your own audience it's a little different right right have you gone through like like you, you're kind of just like low energy. Yeah.

Is that like your act, if you will, or that's just like who you are and you do that on stage? I think that's just who I am. Yeah. Did you ever go through like, I'm going to try, or you're just like, fuck it, I'm doing it myself? Try to what, be like high energy? Yeah. It's just not in my personality. I know, I can't, I don't think I could do it either. Even like when we do like a live podcast,

which isn't even, like we play a song, like an entrance music, and I'm like, I just walk out there. I'm like, hopefully he'll do some like, you know,

get up. Because I'm just like, I'm going to just walk to my microphone and sit down. Yeah, that's just not my energy. It'd be weird if I just started doing that at the garden. Get the fuck up,

New York City! I'd be just nuts like that. That would be weird, I think. you're a New Yorker yeah yeah that was part of your set too just being like this funny yeah the way you characterized it was great I mean it's just it's the worst this place sucks do you know so I drove here right and I pre-ordered like a parking spot on park hero whatever whatever, Spot Hero. Yeah. And the spot is down a block that's closed. So I just had to go down a closed street.

Like that's just what. I props you for doing it, though. Fuck it, I got my spot. But everyone was coming. So many people went down that block, so they were away from all to come out. And I'm like, this is just my luck. What are the odds that I'd pay for this stupid spot that's on a block that's closed? Driving in the city is a fucking nightmare. It's the dumbest thing you can do.

It is so awful. Where do you commute from? Westchester. Yeah. So I did it during the pandemic. Which was amazing. It was great. 22 minutes in and out.

I got in in 22 minutes. There's every street closed. Everything else. There's construction on everything. The Bronx. There's construction on everything. And nothing's ever fixed Right right right

It's I mean Once Once everything Started to go back To normal Now like If I go a rush hour It's like an hour

And a half To get home Oh of course What am I doing But I'm not I can't go back man I'll put on a podcast Put on some music

Whatever I'm just Chilling Yeah Do you ever try And kill time Before you go back To Westchester Around the city Yeah like just wait Until like 7 or Oh oh yeah yeah So you ever try and kill time before you go back to Westchester around the city

yeah like just wait until like 7 or 8 oh yeah yeah so you're not in that I either try to get out early or like you can leave at peak times put a bullet in my head

it's so brutal or someone else's head it's so brutal yeah um so how did the Louis thing come about was that just like

he noticed you no I mean I was on tour with him in Europe oh you mean before that I met him at the cellar and then he kind of just took a liking to me and i would just start asking me to open for him and stuff that's wild yeah i mean uh i wasn't even supposed to do the garden somebody canceled on tuesday oh yeah so he went to go open for someone else i guess so that's how i got it there there's a decision yeah that's a move holy shit so that's how i actually ended up doing it

that's crazy who would you do the garden in five days four days who would you uh say no to to go over someone else over louis i can't imagine anybody that's a move right there I guess there are you could say like a Chappelle or something like that but like I don't I think it's someone they were friends with though so I think that's what it was I think it's easier to say no to that we're great friends but

I got something planned that night already pretty decently big plans I think I'm all set on that front well it worked out for me. Yeah, big time. But that's wild. So you get a call or what do you say?

Ari texted me and said they needed it. I'd say you owe him $1,800. I'd say we need about $2,000 with the rent. That's so funny

that he thinks you guys need it what the fucking asshole who could possibly need your shit man pond

on their phone fuck you were you guys taking the conversation and then he just took it out we were like just about to wrap up

we were like we were out an hour into the show I think he knew like I gotta do this at some point I'm running out of, running out of. No more runway left?

Right away. Fucking hit him with the shit thing now. Jesus. He needed it. You guys needed it, he said. We also, we had a mishap here with one of our producers. Fucked up a recording the other day and just didn't record his video that we shot with him afterwards. And so I, we're kind of coming up with the

punishment for her uh that's also funny you know for video whatever and i said to ari like since you were the one involved do you have any input on that and he was just like just make it make it something with my tampon full of shit and blood i was like yeah okay we're gonna veto that there's a reason why I said, at first I was going to say, whatever Ari Shaffir decides You can't do that. I was like, I will get fired. He's not a normal person. He's not.

Absolute creature. The freedom with which he talks about his hemorrhoids. He's gone to the doctor, too. There's just no way to fix them imagine having such a messed up asshole doctor like i don't know yeah like take that thing home it's fucking gone and nothing for it's beyond repair he has a prescribed roll-up toilet paper and shove it up your ass that's that's the only one i don't know what to tell you there's not many things I'd want less than that.

Less than that, yeah. If you were like, you could have terminal cancer or live with bad hemorrhoids, I'm cashing out. To be totally honest, and I'm proud to say this, I don't even know what a hemorrhoid does.

I learned with the argument conversation where it comes from. Where does it come from? It's like pushing too hard. It pops blood vessels or something. Wow. But I don't even know. It's painful to sit down.

I can't. Berries or something that he said? Yeah. That's disgusting. I've had a canker sore or a fucking weird... Herpes in your mouth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know the game.

You know what I'm tiptoeing around. Something in your mouth ruins your whole day because you're always using your mouth. And your back ruins your whole day because you're always kind of moving it. But I mean, you're sitting, what, 99% of the day? Yeah. He also eats like such hot, terrible food. So he's not helping. He's not helping at all. He's not helping out.

Throws gasoline on the fire. He's got to die eventually. I said, you owe him $1,800. He goes, for a phone? Yeah, that is crazy.

It's an iPhone 14 Pro costs $1,300 and I had $500 left on my old contract. Yeah. So listen, Ari, you know,

he went for the Cadillac. You know, that's what it is. I didn't even get the Max. Shit on his phone. I didn't even get the Max. It's the highest priced one. I don't know.

It's $4,000. Fucking crazy. It's the 14. I got the 14 Pro. There is an IT 14 Pro Max. Those rats. You can make those things for like $3. Get the fuck out of here.

It was an old phone. It was. Like, the woman was like, she's like,'s like you're gonna this is a major upgrade for you and I was like I'm gonna use it to text and use Twitter lady you have no idea that lady has no idea

she was touching your phone that had bloody tampon and ash on it she was flipping it around sorry to Serena over at Apple

I would never want to work at Apple everyone's phone's in the toilet Dude And also everyone's a fucking Dickhead about Every time I'm there There's somebody complaining About this that

You do have access to It's almost like being a therapist I have access to your mind right now I can look at Everything About you You could be like a Like a

Serial killer Like You could be like a serial killer. You could ruin people's lives having access to their fucking phones like that. I'm surprised a serial killer hasn't been caught by an Apple Genius. I'm sure serial killers are not doing anything on their phone that could be tracked. I think child porn people are.

They're doing stuff on there? I bet you they're child porn people. Because they always end up getting caught with like 60,000 pictures on their computer. There's always so many. Have you noticed that? It's never like there's just like 10 or 12 pictures.

It's always like there's 13 terabytes of child porn. It's like, how could you even? You're not watching all that. It's impossible. No, but I mean, if they're pedophiles for 30 years, I'm sure it adds up. Just breaking numbers. Sure, it stacks up. Someone who collected TV guides back in the day, like no i'm still doing it it's still it hasn't gone away it's still a hobby

of mine i thought it was a phase i'd grow out of turns out i'm really a lifer when it comes to this shit that's got to be the absolute worst thing in the world to you have that realization that that's your scene that's your bag you just have all those pictures you're just like fuck this is we've talked about that with uh that's what i like if you saw the netflix show dommer yes where he like when he like they kind of show like his first moment of when he like realized he likes like guts and it's like he's like gutting a fish with his dad or cleaning fish he's like kind of like playing with his hands. What a horrible realization. This is going to be a problem down the road.

I like this a little too. Because his dad was there, I'm surprised he didn't need his dad there to also get off the boat. Since that's when it happened. Dad, you have to watch me fuck this guy and then eat his liver real quick. You were there and I need you there now forever.

I think his dad. Dude, I don't know how much, I know that show was based on reality and whatever. And there was that one episode where the dad is really trying to stop him or he pours out his heart. But I'd have to imagine that guy let a few red flags go by. It was like, not my kid. Well, you just hope that he's not going to be a pedophile. Yeah. Yeah.

There's no way. You just cross your fingers on that one. There's just no way. I mean, that is the worst. Like, the moment you realize your kid is a pedophile, you got to just wipe out the whole family. Because that just sucks, dude. That just sucks so much. You also have to be thankful it's not you, in a way. That you're not the pedophile, you gotta just wipe out the whole family. Because that just sucks, dude. That just sucks so much. You also have to be

thankful it's not you, in a way. That you're not the pedophile? Yeah, that's the problem. You know it was genetically close. Like, I was trying to catch the bad batch. I just missed it. You know how many husbands and wives are probably like, that's from your side of the family. You know, your uncle.

Maybe if the mom was around, you know, the mom wasn't in his life at all. That's... The dad could have been really homophobic, too. Like, you're doing great work out there. Tons of people are homophobic. Their kids aren't pedophiles. But no, I mean, like, he was killing all gay guys. So he's like, yeah, it is a scourge.

I guess. Then he could have just been gay and not killed them. Nobody. He was happy He was getting Yeah Because if you're homophobic Get rid of these fucking guys He's got the courage

To do what I want Yeah that's true My son's a hero That's what he was doing He's right around going My son is Doing big things I don't support the war

But I do support the troops That's true Is he dead? He's dead, right? Dahmer. Dahmer, yeah, he got killed in prison. Yeah.

Oh, that's all right. I didn't watch that. Pretty quickly. That was a quick see you later movie. No, his head bashed him with a weight. Even better.

At least in the show, I don't know. It did seem like he was a good worker, though, in prison. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't say what you want

about Dahmer, but he put in the effort. If he had a little guidance, he could have been a really good worker. He wasn't lazy, that's for sure. He was not lazy. The hours he was keeping were insane.

All hours of the night. That was another thing about that show that, like, I mean, not like I'm some action hero who could, like, fight off the killer. But there was a lot of times where I was like, these guys are just really going to get beat up and kind of raped and killed by this guy. I mean, some of them were kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had like 10 years on them. I don't know.

Some of those guys in the club were like, come on. The dancers? Yeah, dude. Gay guys in the 90s, you're all shredded, bro. Yeah, you guys can fight you guys can at least get out of the 90s right now yeah i think so maybe mid 90s yeah i don't know stay away from fucking serial killers and pedophiles at the end of the day were you have you always had uh that like the sense of humor like even growing up like fucking around were you always the one

yeah jesus christ no all of us did i didn't even realize it until a couple of years ago my friend from grammar school blew his brains out and then we all went to the funeral and everyone just had the darkest sense of humor i was like oh this is where it comes from yeah so while like audiences and people are like so shocked you're kind of like this is just par for the course with me and the and the pals there's not everyone that's shocked though there's a bunch of people that are into it. They just don't know me. Right, right, right. Yeah, but everyone in that group,

we just had such dark senses of humor. That's where it came from. The funerals are a great spot for it, too. There's no better place to nail the joke. Especially the guy who blew his brains out. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It was in all of us.

It could have been any of us at that point. You walk away from a funeral being like, I killed a man. I had the gang rolling, man. Body was going right into the grave. Perfect timing. I don't know how to be any other way. I can't even imagine the people who, because then those moments become livable, survivalable. That's how you kind of get through it. Right.

And the people who are just like, no, I'm going to be sad. I'm like, ugh, I'm going to blow my brains out from that, too. Another funeral. Yeah. Keep going. Do a funeral service. It's called life, man. It's recycled.

It's like we're crashing funerals but it's open mics you know that's true so after the after the garden was

did I'm always wondering if that like changes things at all does that do you see like a a bump from that

is there I mean I got a lot of like followers a bunch of not a lot but I got some followers and nice messages and stuff this is probably the biggest thing i've gotten from it is doing this not a lot folks so now you know if you do louis i don't really do anything that set was unbelievable whoever bailed was like the best thing that happens

is kfc radio so i'm fucking gonna hang out with the boys i mean i do remember thinking like i would not have wanted to if that was my big night and i mean you know he can go up on any stage after anybody whatever but i was like if that was my like pinnacle that i was working towards, and then you opened with that, I would have been like, fuck. Fuck. No, he was happy. I mean, of course, because he's, you know, that's kind of how he is. It just makes the show better.

Right. But man, you murdered. I mean, I think a lot of people walked away being like, that was the highlight of that show. Or the most memorable. Well, that's nice. I mean, it didn't do anything for me. That's crazy.

I think I got a couple of bookings. That's about it. That's wild. I mean, it didn't do anything for me. That's crazy. I got a couple of bookings. That's about it. That's wild. I feel like there should be... Almost nothing does anything anymore. What was the needle? I think just having millions of fans on TikTok or something. Yeah, basically.

I don't get the vibe that you like TikTok. I can't even get into my account. I don't know what I even did. Do you have somebody running it? Are you on it at all? I was saying yesterday we were at the airport and I think to this day

I've still never opened TikTok. I've been sent TikToks that when someone will text me and I'll open it and that'll open in the app. I don't think I've ever clicked the icon still. Well,

that's why we're not doing anything on TikTok at all. We have no traction on the biggest goddamn platform in the world. Whatever. Something will take over it. You think? That is, I agree with that.

Just wait for that. Wait for the next thing. We're not going to do that either. No, get on the next thing. Remember when we tried to do Clubhouse? I've been saying that forever. No,

the next one. I'm going to be big. No, but just like comes i don't like i don't even say the next one i just like it's like obviously defense communism but i'm just like dude this is going to be over in a minute anyway yeah like yeah and then it's actually not incorrect it is it does happen like like vine and all that shit but it is it is no because Facebook, Snapchat, Vine, Twitter. Literally all of them. I don't know. I mean, TikTok's not going anywhere.

Instagram's not going anywhere. Facebook, we think, is gone. It's still fucking massive. Yeah, Facebook's like Bargatze when he's talking about, like, you ever wonder how those old restaurants are doing? He's like, I go to those restaurants regularly. They're doing fine. Yeah. People are still on Facebook.

Yeah, Facebook's still ripping. Crazy. Probably the most used social platform in the world. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's just, is it? Like, not even close, right? Yeah.

Because it's like, you know, your mom and your aunt and your grandmother and all that shit. No, those people are on TikTok. TikTok's just got a billion Chinese people. That fucking skews the, that's what I keep telling myself. It's like, I'm not going to worry about this because these Chinese people aren't going to like me. They're not. They're not going to worry about this because these Chinese people aren't going to like me. They're not.

They're not going to like any of us. It's a bunch of 11-year-old Chinese kids. I'm like, I don't even know how you're on this app. That's true. So you are living in the Bronx now? Yeah. Were you originally from the Bronx? Yeah.

I grew up in Morris Park, and now I live in Throgsnack. I live in City Island right now. Most people are, like, I don't even think of it as the Bronx either. City Island's just a weird. One way in and one way out. It's its own thing. Yeah. It is a very strange little island where it's like time forgot it.

You know what I mean? It is, yeah. It's a bizarre spot. You better get out of there before the summer. Sunday's in the summer? Oh, my God. Forget about it. You're in the house all day or you're outside all day.

It is crazy. Mother's Day? You ever been there on Mother's Day? I've been there years and years and years ago. We went there. It's a nightmare. People are not like... I can't even describe what goes on there on days like that

it's brutal disgusting i saw a uh a video for um orchard beach and city island and it was like a tourist like hype video being like come to new york city to see like the bronx riviera come see like the bronx riviera it was like come see the uh like the luscious... The Bronx Riviera? Mm-hmm. It was like, come see the luscious beaches on Orchard Beach. That's Cho-Chah Beach. That's where I grew up. That's where we used to go as kids.

There's just needles in the water. I think it's cleaned up now, but like when I was... It was, but when... Yeah, I mean, it was like, do not walk on the beach with your feet, with your bare feet.

I was like, that's what you do on the beach. You take your shoes off. It was like straight up hyp what you do on the beach. You take your shoes off. It was straight up hypodermic needles all over the place. You were wearing red wings on the beach? You can shoot something really nice to make City Island look beautiful.

This video had drones sweeping by the beach and the water is blue. There are spots on City Island that you can get a multi-million dollar house right on the water and it is beautiful it's just like if you only stay right there on that little waterfront property you know and there's also people though like if you fish or you're like if you grew up there people are like i will never leave here you know like when i tell them i'm getting a house and leaving they're kind of like why would you ever leave here i'm like it's

literally dying this place is dying. And you can't get, everything's closed now, you can't get food, there's no pharmacy, there's no nothing. I think it's just going to just die. Be like Detroit, go back to the earth. Just detach and just fall into the water. Just float away and just fucking sink.

Right across the way is the Potter's Field, the dead people. That's what they're going to become just what is potter's field where they bury people the john does

people that they don't know who they are so they just there's just i got you bodies on bodies on bodies

you'd be surprised how many apparently how many john does there are also the cemeteries all around in the bronx and in new york city

in general just so many fucking dead people. I remember when I was a kid hearing a rumor, which now I don't believe is true anymore, but that bodies in Manhattan were buried standing upright to save space. It would make more sense. It would make a lot more sense. Right? It would.

Yeah, yeah, because you can't go, yeah, just fucking stack them that way. You know what? That's pretty revolutionary. I you can't go, yeah, just fucking stack them that way. You know what? That's pretty revolutionary. I don't know why we're not just burning everybody. Just fucking everybody has to get cremated. What is the point? This afterlife bullshit is so not. It is.

And the people who pay, you know, five, ten, whatever thousand dollars for fucking. Those mausoleums. Those are crazy. It's like you're just buying a second house. But even the coffin, whatever. I was, I remember, I actually fairly recently had a conversation with my parents

and I was like, give my organs to people who need them and fucking get rid of me. You think your parents are going to outlive you? Oh yeah. They do too. I didn't even pick up on that. Their response was like, okay.

Write it down. We gotta do this. They were also like, okay. Write it down. We've got to do this. They were also like, on the off chance that we die first, they'll do the same to us. I was like, oh, I didn't expect that from older people. My parents aren't very old for parents, but they're like, yeah, burn us too.

How old are they? They both just turned 60. That's kind of old. They'll be dead soon. They'll probably live another 20. I'd say 15 on the low end, 25 on the high end, probably 20. No. My dad's dad's still alive.

My grandfather's alive. I was talking to somebody the other day that has great grandparents. And I was like, grow up. Be an adult. Have has great grandparents and i was like grow up be an adult well have dead great grandparents that's crazy i actually thought like in your 30s and have a fucking great grandparents when they were really uh it's like everybody has to be knocking out kids by like when they're like 18 in your 30s that's crazy because even like great grandparents my my just normal grandparents have been dead for like 20 years my great grandparents died like in in like world war ii i knew i knew my great grandmother for a while like i remember my grandparents have been dead for like 20 years. My great-grandparents died in World War II. I knew my great-grandmother for a while.

I remember my great-grandmother. How's that? What's that like? She was the second wife. But you know, you have your grandparents So she was young? She was young. Grandpa was fucking. Grandpa got a 45-year-old.

Was he rich? Yeah Yeah Yeah we know You're not doing that for free That's for sure No one's sucking old dick No

For love? Yo Sucking old dick Has gotta be one of the worst things You gotta just count the money in your head Right Every bob Thousand dollars

Thousand dollars Thousand dollars. Thousand dollars. Thousand dollars. That is... I don't think I could think of anything worse than an old dick. I think an old pussy's not great either. Yeah, probably. That's worse. I think in general, pussies are worse than dicks.

So then old ones are... Depends. I think anything going in... I mean, everything's situational. Don't tell me... Don't get me wrong. But yeah, I think the fact that it's like... The innards have a greater chance to spoil faster.

Yeah. Oh, my God. In a pussy? Because there's an opening? I mean, think about it. It's a hole that stays pretty shut when you're younger. You don't put the cap all over the milk and you put it back in the fridge?

Yeah, it just gets droopy. It's like a screen door that's broken, kind of. It doesn't really fully close, and then it's just open. And you know you stop caring, and you stop, maybe you don't wash as great or whatever, so that's got to be. What age does that happen where you're like, I'm just not going to wash anymore? I feel like for the whites, it happens pretty quickly. For white people?

Yeah, apparently we're disgusting, who knew I feel like I'm pretty clean We get shamed a lot for that stuff I'm like, oh yeah I don't do that But I'm like, ah, come on, it's fine Unless you're outwardly disgusting People can smell and see

Who cares? Do you wash your hands as you go to the bathroom? Yeah 100% of the bathroom? Yeah. 100% of the time? Yes. Even though you're just a piss? It's so weird. But that's so weird because I would have boyfriends that would not wash their hands after their pee.

But I'm like, you touched your dick though. My dick's fine. My dick's not dirty. Your dick is not fine. Right now there are much dirtier places on than my dick. First of all, the way you guys shit and don't wipe your ass is that great. It's very connected down there. I'll wear that one.

I roll up a lot and I go in like 20 times. I am walking out of there with my assholes clean. Fuck you guys. You walk that girl. I'm about done here. She's like, this is the second round of shit.

Yeah. And she was in here. She was like the only person in here for the Ari situation. She's like, I'm not going to keep doing this. She's like, I'm tapping. Callie's going to quit. Yeah.

And sue us. The, the, fuck, I was just going to say. I, I, I'm like a college effort guy.

Like I get in there like the second time. I get in third time. I'm like, effort guy. I get in there the second time. I get in there the third time. I'm like, dude, I did my part. You're only going to hurt you. You're only hurting me. Nah, dude. I'll tell you what. For 20 years, I'm alright. Why do you think the shits are so different? It's the same reason I don't wash my meat. It was going to get me in the gutter by now.

You don't wash your meat? No. Like ever? meat phil's gonna get me in the garden by now yeah you don't wash your meat no like like you're gonna cook it right yeah i thought you meant your dick oh no i washed my dick i washed my dick jesus dude now i see why are you upset if he put his tampon or anything you're not even washing your ass you've been actual meat i thought you had to wash like fruits and vegetables and shit like raw meat you wash you're supposed to like yeah like rinse under the water huh i don't even know that you're gonna cook it that's the same thing anytime anytime a white person puts anything kind of cooking video on the

internet black people are about seasoning and washing your chicken or washing your meat. I don't wash it. I get that a lot of white food and culture is pretty boring and lame and shit, but I mean... Is it? Serial killers? That's our culture. Dominoes?

Serial killers and dominoes. That's what white people do. I guess if you're thinking, do Italian people and French people, they're not white? They're their own thing? They're white. Oh, they're white. That's fucking bomb-ass food.

You know what I mean? Yeah, but, yeah. I guess it's like American white suburban mom cooking is not great. A lot of white people make fucking awesome food. Yeah, but we're just watered down. Because we're all the white people and we're just boring now. Yeah. Well, I don't know.

I'll still take it, you know? Yeah. I'll still sign up for that. If I had to do it all over again, I could pick. I'd probably still pick. That's actually a good question. Would you pick a different ethnicity or upbringing if you could choose? Fuck no.

Louie actually has a thing about this. If it was a subscription service, you have to re-up every year. He's like, could choose? Fuck no. Louis actually has a bit about this. If it was a subscription service, you have to re-up every year. He's like, I choose white every year. I think Asian's probably good. You think so? I feel like they get,

like, their child. Bro, I'll say this. There's never been a hot hashtag that trended for an extended period of time. Hashtag stop white hate. Hashtag stop Asian hate

was popping for a bit. They had a moment in the sun. They did. That didn't last very long. We went right back to hate. We got pretty sick of it. I think Asian would be pretty good if you're raised here. I wouldn't want to.

Asian American. I feel like the families are so, the expectations are so high. I think I wouldn't want to be anything else because everyone else has respect and reverence for the elderly. And we don't. And I like that. You want to be respected when you're old? I don't. I do not.

And I don't want to respect old people right now. I don't want like. But that's so you're anti-Asian. No, Asian people are like the grandfather comes to live at home. Basically like every other culture. I am against that. Got it. You can be Asian and then just kick your grandfather out of the house.

I know, but then... Get the fuck out. Just start it. This is new age shit. Get the fuck out of the house. I want no respect or reverence for the elderly. You can fucking do your own thing. I wouldn't ask to be here.

I didn't sign up for this fucking take care of you once you get old. That's fucking on you. I guess that's true. I didn't think about that. Yeah. I found out recently that if I... I was very worried about taxes and shit.

I got a tax guy telling me that if I give money to... Asians? Family members, I would never. Buy some Asians? Bring them over here? If I give money, the tax

implications are at the end of my life. Not like right now. I was like, I don't give a fuck about this. Let my kids deal with that shit. Exactly. That's my family's problem now. I'll give you some money now. You've got to deal with the problems later. I don't give a fuck about this shit. I'll take white again, but not to my family's problem now i'll give you some money now you got to deal with the problems later i don't give a fuck about this shit i'll take white again but not to my family new family i want a new family i want new white new white

what what are you nice italian and what italian i mean i guess my mother's mother is jewish so technically that um what's funny is my do were you practice when you were a kid, Jewish? No. Yeah. I was a raised Catholic. A raised Catholic. Yeah, but we didn't really practice any of this stuff. Right.

But it was funny. I was looking through a photo album the other day, and my uncle was a Hell's Angel, and I didn't even notice this, but there was just a swastika on the wall. No. But he's Jewish. I mean, he's dead.

But I was like, wow, that's crazy. I guess they didn't know. They just kept it a secret. They didn't put the stars on him anymore? Well, his last name was Italian. Oh, okay. So you didn't really know. He was getting initiated to Hell's Angels.

He's Italian and Jewish. And a Nazi. I think he was a Hell's Angel. I don't know. Are they Nazis? Maybe they're just open-minded and let him in. It's a new age. Get out, old people.

They were like, let's see how we do. Do you know that the Hells Angels are still... Dude, I have a family friend who is the head or one of the very top heads of a chapter in the Bronx or whatever. Yeah, I drive the Hells Angels.

He's a very scary guy really but no he's like he's like a teddy bear to us and yeah yeah people we know but he is built like uh almost like bebop and rocksteady the i don't understand how old is he um he's probably like 40 50s oh okay yeah the uh the hell's angels Cod chapter isn't far from my parents' house who don't live in Cape Cod. I was going to say, it's crazy to think of them just in a beach house. Still wearing their

cotton. They live in southern Massachusetts, but they don't live in Cape Cod. Cape Cod will not have that. The Hells Angels Cape Cod chapter is a hilarious image. Just a bunch of magic shorts and shit. Although Cape Cod itself has been pretty wrecked by the opioid epidemic.

Year round is where you see they fit in. They don't fit in June through October. The rest of the time, Hells Angels fit right in. He's like a bad motherfucker, but he was always at our family events and on City Island at the Morris. Did you grow up in City Island? Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, so he would always be at the barbecues there and him and his buddies were all fucking ripping, literally like Sons of Anarchy type shit, but then would shake hands and kiss babies. it is such a funny thing motorcycle gangs just in general well they live by a code of honor they're actually like pretty good but it's like you're on

the wrong side of it yeah but it's also just like silly waking up every day and like absolutely putting on like this is my team jacket yeah yeah yeah there's definitely there's something super gay about the hells angels you know maybe one day Where you're like I just want to wear a sweatband Yeah I don't want to put on this leather It's hot out And it's like I don't want to put on

This fucking leather cut It's a hundred degrees right now Where's your cut? I'm like I don't know guys It's a little silly right? Can I just like Come to the party anyway?

Do I I have to wear this thing man? Even the motorcycle Is like, it's got a vent, you know, it's raining out and it's fucking cold out. And you're like, I just want to get in a Toyota Corolla and drive to the fucking bar. Probably Uber, I would think. You think? Maybe.

I feel like it's almost like you have to drive yourself everywhere. Too many minorities in the Uber. For the Hells Angels. I don't know. That's the assimilation program. See if you can deal with them driving. They're like, I've got to get out of this car. I can't deal with it.

Nope, gave me my motorcycle. I mean, in getting this out of Louie as you said I'm going to be famous this is it this is your big break it wasn't Louie at the garden it's this shit afterwards

I think you are truly one of the absolute funniest out right now that's really nice you did the degenerates with netflix yeah yeah that that um do you have anything else like in the works like that like um i'm gonna probably tape a special later this year i have an album baby skeletons that came out a couple years ago are you gonna do do you have a um streaming service for that are you gonna do it i'm not sure what i'm gonna do yet i'm telling a couple different people i know that you know almost now doing the YouTube special

is almost like a... Almost like, yeah, doing kind of a... Right, but I still think your style would probably be very good for that. Yeah. I think the people that like that would... Because, you know, who's going to let you have carte blanche on some of these streaming services?

That's my one issue. That's what you want to do, so fucking do it yourself. Even the Degenerates, they took a joke out. Did they? Yeah. What was it? It was a school shooting joke.

It was about, I guess, one of the shootings was on Ash Wednesday. And I said, that's really sad because they had crosses on their heads

so they just had targets. And they just had targets. And they took that out. They had a problem with it. That's a shame. They left all the other school shooting jokes in, though. Oh, really? There was other shit?

Yeah, they just took that one out. But that was the one. They were like, that's too funny. Yeah. This is anti-Catholic. No go. Yeah. Hope's going to be mad about this one.

Well, working with them was difficult because they really did want to take everything out. So I think it would be hard to do a special day. I don't know. I just think that their notes would be like, out, out, out, out. How much pushback do you have to give in something like that? If you're like, no. I asked my manager, like, is it something I can fight for? And she was like, no.

No. I was like, all right. Yeah, there's no way they're giving up any sort of, like, control, right? It's like, if it's going to air on a platform. I think if you're, like, a big comic, you can do it. If you're Chappelle, right. But someone like me can't do it. I mean, yeah, as we've seen.

I'm sure they're like, he did another trans joke, guys. But we can't say anything. Right, because we've already backed him. Yeah, right, right, right. All right, well, right. All right. Well, I hope you do it. I think that'll be very good for comedy.

I think a lot of people Yeah, I'm going to definitely put it out, but it might just be on like YouTube or something. Yeah, it's the way to go. I mean, right now, it's like,

you get fucking 10 million views on YouTube. That's true. That'll do more for you than this shitty appearance coming on this shit podcast over here. Right now, this is it, though. This is number one. Yeah's true. That'll do more for you than this shitty appearance. Coming on this shit podcast over here. Right now, this is it, though. This is number one. Yeah, now.

Hey, show business, kid. You're going places. Alright, tell people where to find you. I'm on tour, so just, you know, my website adrianappalucci.com, which is the worst name to look for. So hard. It is so not easy

Did you ever think About a stage name Yeah you should have A stage name It's too late I'm like 19 years in It's just too late now Yeah

I thought about it There's not a lot Of Adriens though I was like I can't do Feidelberg Feidelberg's tough I mean that was Adrian Appaloochee

Was going to kill me Yeah Appaloochee But with the IAU I mean that was but that was Adrian Dalton's gonna kill me yeah Appaloochee but with the IAU everyone thinks it's an L yeah

it is it's a terrible it's brutal fuck that new white family Jewish name yeah what's the Jewish name

I don't know Richards I think yeah definitely go with that I'm not doing I'm too far in now it's never too late come on we see people re-invite themselves like it's no big deal no Yeah, definitely go with that. I'm not too... I'm too far in now. It's never too late.

Come on. We see people reinvent themselves. It's no big deal. 2 Chainz was once Titty Boy. He reinvented himself smack in the middle of a rap career. He blew up. Was he really? Yeah, Titty Boy.

I've heard Titty Boy before. I like Titty Boy. It's not going to work, dude. Titty Boy's amazing, but you can't slap that on the cover of a fucking album. That's true. So maybe Titty Girl. Titty Boy. It's not going to work, dude. Titty Boy's amazing, but you can't slap that on the cover of a fucking album. That's true. So maybe Titty Girl. Titty Girl. Well, I'll think about it.

I'll say that. I'll think about it. All right. Thank you for coming. Thank you so much. Well, thanks for having me. សូវាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប� Thank you. Bye.