KFC Radio - Camille Kostek, Mike Cannon, Make America Goya Again, Verified Lockout, BDSM Family

Episode Date: July 16, 2020

Subscribe, rate, and leave a review! -We may have found the cheat code to getting a massive celebrity endorsement! -Twitter Locks out all verified users -AITA Thursday - Spitting returns, BDSM Fam, Cleaning Poop -Voicemails - Awkward Boss, anti-cuddler, vibrators (01:27:00) Mike Cannon returns to the show. We discuss his new movie Timing (available on Amazon), going through different eras of your life as an entertainer, returning to stand-up post pandemic at drive in shows and casinos, and much more. Make sure to check out his podcast The Irish Goodbye Podcast and his latest stand up special here: https://youtu.be/e96PGxRQunE (2:12:56)Camille Kostek returns to the show to discuss her sophomore year in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, getting used to rooting for Tampa, she tells us an awesome behind the scenes story of her SI photoshoot and much more. Let us know what you think on twitter! @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @FeitsBarstool @IAmMikeCannon @camilleKostek Subscribe to our youtube for daily podcast videos: https://www.youtube.com/user/KFCradioYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's so hyper-normal that you clearly want to fuck your daughter. Way to light it up, we won't come down. And the sun is so much better. What did it come to? It's taking over you. Way to go. It's another edition of... We're going to get canceled again this episode.

It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. We are back, despite our best efforts. I got to be honest. We thought we were going to be canceled. Not only were we not canceled, I didn't see a word of criticism. People largely agree with us about the dogs. That people are afraid to voice their opinions about how silly dog culture is. And we were just the brave ones who did it.

I didn't see one bit of criticism. I didn't see one person call me a monster. I saw some people tagging, you know, Rhea when she posted a dog. I saw some people tagging Bailey Carlin because literally all Bailey does is tweet all day about, like, show me your dogs, which is specifically what we said we hate. But nobody was like, fuck you. I can't believe you said that about dogs because I guess what? What we said about dogs is just dead-ass truth.

100%. Not what we said about dogs. What dead-ass trope. 100%. Not what we said about dogs. What we said about dog people. Dog people. There's a huge difference. I like your dog. Right.

I don't like you talking about your dog. Most of the time. I don't know. I don't really give a shit about your dog. Same thing. It's kids and dogs. It was forced upon me. Yes.

It's really what it comes down to is this. I like my dog. I am indifferent towards your dog. Yeah, I don't dislike your dog. Right. It's not mine. I don't need to talk about your dog or my dog. Again, posting it on social media is okay.

That's fine. I get that. I did it as kind of a joke last night, but I literally did it last night. And then we have Camille Kostic on the show today and she pulls a puppy up onto the camera and fights and is like, oh, it's a cute puppy. Yeah, well, it's Camille Kostic. You gotta say what you gotta say. But here's what it really boils down to is

I don't like you if you expect me to have a reaction, sorry, a reaction to your dog. If I have to stop my day, I don't need to respond to your, react to your dog. I don't need to respond to your – react to your dog. I don't need to help you through your day with my dog. That's really what it's all about is keeping your dog reaction to a reasonable extent.

And I think everybody agreed. I think so. You know what else I think this says? I think that it says we are a billion years into this, at least somewhat better at articulating our points because in the past we would have just been like, fuck dogs! And then we would have to be like, no, no, no, I don't mean fuck dogs. So I think we extensively described what we don't like. Or nobody's listened to our podcast. Or nobody heard, and there's no reaction.

Anyway, so Nick Cannon, I think he made a lot of good points. You're speaking a lot of truth there, Nick Cannon. Proud, proud Nubian Jewish Semite. I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. I don't think he made good points. I'm just kidding. I slept on my pillow last night, and I ate a can of Goya beans this morning for breakfast

because those are just superior products endorsed by a great, great man. And I think these guys... I think there are certain people in this world who have just figured out a hack. They just figured out a life hack where it's just, if you

talk good about Donald Trump, they will market the fuck out of your product. You want to get a billboard, just tell Donald Trump you like him, bro. So Donald, I'm Kevin Clancy from the KFC Radio Podcast on Barstool Sports. I fucking love

you. You made America great again. I love your hats. I love your suits. I think you can walk down ramps great. I think you can walk down. Big fan. I think you can walk down. Ramp's great. I think you drink water very, very proficiently. I think that picture in the Oval Office with the beans is not a crazy thing to do at all. I think it's so hyper normal that you clearly want to fuck your daughter. There is nothing weird about the fact that there is an endless highlight reel of videos of you saying,

if she wasn't your daughter, you'd have sex with her. Totally normal, dude. I totally get it. Just promote us, please. Say KFC Radio is the best. Tuesdays and Thursdays, bro. Download, rate. Imagine if Donald Trump had a video like,

Tuesdays and Thursdays, download, rate, review, and subscribe. Totally great. It's a totally great podcast. Am I the asshole? Videos, voicemails, it's great. I mean, this is a straight up picture of you posing with waffles, man. That's a normal face. Dude, how about the one with Ivanka?

She's standing like she's on The Price is Right. She's like, look at this. On The Price is Right with a gun pointed at her head. She legit looks like a Barker's Beauty where you'd have to be like, look at this. On the Price is Right with gun points at her head. She legit looks like a Barker's Beauty where you'd have to be like, well, I don't know, Drew. I think that's $2.99. No, it's $3.25. You're out. I mean, that is some Vanna White

or some Barker's Beauty type shit right there. And Goya is, you know, half the people are boycotting and not eating their Goya beans or whatever. And the other half are going to eat literally nothing but Goya beans now you know, half the people are boycotting and not eating their Goya beans or whatever. And the other half, we're going to eat literally nothing but Goya beans now. We've got the MAGA crowd who's getting for breakfast, lunch, and dinner just Goya. Shit my pants because Donald Trump said so. Shit my pants to own the libs.

Eat nothing but baked beans to own the libs. I'm going to eat a bunch of beans and take a big fat shit in my pants. Big American great idea. While listening to KFC radio. Honestly, how much money would it take? Or like what level of, you know, if I could tell you right now that we would be like on the Joe Rogan level or the Caller Daddy level. If we were just like full-blown Donald Trump sellouts and endorsers? Would you do it?

Honestly, it's a good question. Part of me wants to say yes, but part of me, like I see people who do that and I'm like, you're fucking bullshit. Like you're a liar. Not even like I don't think you suck. I just think like you don't believe what you're saying. Oh, I don't care about that. I don't care about that. I just think you don't believe what you're saying. I don't care about that.

That bothers me. I would prefer not to, but cash rules. I just don't like it when people say things that I'm like, I know you're lying. Right. Say you're that person all of a sudden in this scenario, right?

And there are people at home who are quietly just like, man, that John Fidelberg, he just says whatever. Does that affect your life? No. Are you losing sleep at night when you're laying down on your MyPillow? With my diapers, I eat too many Goya beans for dinner. Black frijoles.

I think it would. I honestly think it would bother me. Yeah. I think that's the only thing i have to grab onto i think if it was any other uh political time where it was not like the the uh the racism being mixed in where it's like there are people who think that like you are a hateful racist that would be a problem for me whereas if it was just like i don't agree with your politics let's say this was george bush or you know you go back a few uh campaigns a few few presidential uh elections like i don't agree with your politics. Let's say this was George Bush, or you go back a few campaigns, a few presidential elections. I don't care if you disagree with my politics if I'm cashing in.

But the fact that there would be people – if you told me I had to walk around wearing a George W. hat and all that shit, I'd be like, all right, fine, whatever. You don't like me because of the politics. But you walk around with a MAGA hat, and there are people who think – Oh, you can't wear red hats anymore. That's what I mean. Red hats, it's great. You know what a dickhead you have to be to just rule out red hats. Yeah.

And by the way, it's not like red is just a pretty big color. It's not... It's a primary color, Kevin. It's not like it was, you know, he took like you know, Dave made the turquoise color like his. Yeah, yeah. You don't wear that every day or whatever. Red! It's one of the main three

it's one of the big ones i mean i guess you know credit to him the other direction is like he now owns red right red used to be a pretty big color for all sorts of flags and countries and everything now it's just donald's that's true he really he should have looking back he should have made it orange right orange is donald's color well because of his skin yeah like when you think of donald think of orange you think of orange You should have just leaned into it I think you're right I think you took it

That's big branding That's why I'm saying bro If we could get an official color of KFC radio Just get all that fucking MAGA money I will cash all of those checks Pro Goya, pro Trump Pro MyPillow Even though you wear your necklace outside your shirt like a lunatic.

What other things do we like? Guns? There are a few. Guns, yeah. Guns. There aren't many. That's why I think this is a good idea. Yeah, because there really aren't many of them.

It's like he has the food in beans. He has the household product in the pillow. He's got the guns and then his form of entertainment't many of them. It's like he has the food and beans. He has like the household product and the pillow. He's got the guns. And then like his form of entertainment, choice of entertainment. KS Radio. KS Radio. Yeah. And also, I don't think he's got it like this.

I don't think he's got the clout. But if Joe Biden would like to get in the mix, like we're for sale. I will be, you know what else I like to do? I like to touch my female family members in weird ways. Let's go, Joe. Let's do it. I forget how to speak all the time also. I don't know words.

I like to eat ice cream in ice cream shops with motorcyclists. Have you ever seen that picture? It's one of my favorite pictures of all time. Well, you know what? It's funny. It's much like Donald Trump. Donald Trump used to be entertaining, funny in like a ridiculous way. I actually don't.

I disagree with that. I never found him particularly entertaining. Oh, I think he used to be way. I actually don't. I disagree with that. I never found him. I, Oh, I think he used to be entertaining. I mean, I mean when like you're fired was like at, at its peak and he was just being like a, he was just,

I mean he was, it was never like this clever, clever, witty humor. It was just like, he's a bombastic fucking ridiculous person that I could laugh at. Cause it didn't really matter. Same thing with like Joe Biden.

I used to like cool Joe, like uncle dumb Joe. It's like funny. And I used to like, cool Joe, like Uncle Dumb Joe. It's like funny. And now it's like, well, I want you to be the president. Well, exactly. We were talking about the other day that in New Girl, first of all, by the way, everything New Girl goes viral. It's crazy.

I just tweeted the other day that Nick Miller had hot girlfriends. Like 10,000 favorites. By the way, who's the one, though? I know you had, there's one in there that I didn't know. Olivia Munn. Yeah, that's... No, but who's the other girl? The other one.

So there was Megan Fox. Olivia Munn. Oh, Lizzy Kaplan. Yes. Who looks like Kristen Ritter, who I always get confused. But they're the same. They're both gorgeous. She's from the interview also?

The Honeypot Girl? Yes. Yeah, okay. She is an underrated smoke. Yeah, Lizzy Kaplan's a weapon. Flies under the radar big time. But yeah, I think New Girl is maybe the new age. Oh, but anyway, I'm sorry.

The reason I brought all that up was in an episode of New Girl, they call it Biden-ing, which is they're trying to ask, like, Jess is trying to ask, like, how she can land a guy. And they're like, just be there. When he dances, be there. When he's at the bar, be there. And eventually he'll get you. We call it Biden-ing.

And I'm like, that was six years ago or however long ago it was. And it's like, okay, now that's who has the domination now. Because he was just there. He's done it literally with women and he's done it with politics. Yeah, I don't even know what the he's done it with politics. Yeah. I don't even know what the joke's about because it applies to everything. But like I thought it was politically, I guess. Yes.

It also accounts to women just being there. He's always around women, always touching them, leaning into them, hugging them, kissing them. But yeah, he just don't die. Get into politics and hang on for dear life and don't die. And eventually they'll be like, well, he's next in line. He's got to be president now. Been there forever. It's crazy that he's probably going to be president. That's nuts. That guy's

a dummy. He is a dummy. I mean, your boy Kanye dropped out. Oh, what a shocking piece of idea that was. So Kanye is no longer in the presidential race, which means we're now down to two people with mental disabilities who are going to be president. We're going to have a three-horse race of mentally deficient people to become president.

And now it's back to just good old two. Thanks, Kanye. But, yeah, listen, any of these political parties, we are for sale, bro. Supposedly he just filed with the SEC to join again. Kanye. Oh, bro. Supposedly, he just filed with the SEC to join again. To sign up for president again? I can't even feign interest.

Yeah, look at that. TMZ. Presidential bid still alive, filed with the FCC. I do not care. 100%. 100% do not give a shit. You know when people, you know when everyone was like, I'm moving to Canada. I mean, that sounds good.

Oh, I'm here. I don't want to do it. I'm not doing it because I'm like defiantly like protesting or whatever. I don't care. I don't care about any of this. And I'd like to be somewhere where they don't talk about it all the time. I'm actually. Right, you go to other countries.

I mean, they talk about it because, you know, America's a big deal and Donald Trump's a fucking asshole and all that kind of shit. But, like, overall, they're just probably not talking about it there, which sounds great. But they talk about their own elections. But I would go there and not, like, know them and not care, you know? I liken it to, like, when you go play baseball in Japan. You don't know any of these cities or any of these fans. You don't really care.

You just hit the ball and cash your check. I would just go to Europe and I'll have a siesta and drink their coffee over there. I don't know any of your presidential candidates. Those are your big two things, siestas and coffee. That's what they do in Europe, right?

I don't know. When I was in Greece, I drank coffee there. They have weird coffee. Weird coffee and naps. Let's go. I am definitively 100% in my lifetime going to live in Europe. How about that? I believe that.

I believe you're going to. I've had this discussion. I think you're going to do it sooner than later. I would do it tomorrow if you would come with me. Yeah, that's the thing. I think that there will be sooner than later, like the Barstool thing

will come to a head with Penn or whatever and there will be like a moment where it's like, I'm going to Europe. Within 10 years, you will live in Europe. 10 years was the number

I put on it. Yeah. And I said within 10 years. I think 10 years is the latest. I bet you within I bet you it'll be like 7 years. 7 years? Yeah. Okay. Because 5 years is like this pen holding period. And then we'll

do something for a couple years after that. And God willing by then we'll all have a little bit of money in our pocket. And then we'll just go live. Never talk to each other ever again. Yeah. Wouldn't that be great? Wouldn't that be so fucking romantic? If we were friends until I was like 40 and you're like 30, whatever, and then we just

never talk again. See you at the funeral. That would be awesome. It's probably going to happen. Yeah? Where are you going to go? I don't know. I don't care. But you gotta, like, when you close your eyes and think you're in Barcelona.

I actually weirdly have not traveled like in Europe that much. I've been to like weird parts of Europe. I've been to like Salamanca, Spain and the Czech Republic. But I've never been to like London or Paris. So would you just go to another city, though? I feel like you should go somewhere that's like, you know, if you go to like London, you're basically living in New York. Right.

Right. I would go to like. Oh,, you're basically living in New York. Right, right, right. I would go to, like, the countryside. Oh, dude, I forget the name of it. I follow this account where it's, like, the account name is so weird. But it's something like, really nice houses in Europe for cheap prices. Like, it's something. At really nice houses in Europe for cheap prices on Instagram. I forget exactly what it is.

But it's, like, there's, like, this awesome house in, like, the fucking french countryside for like seven grand it was crazy crazy cheap and it's like this beautiful gorgeous cottage on this like unbelievable piece of property and i was like i'd fucking live there in a heartbeat yep you know what gets me all the time and you know me i'm not like i'm not a big world traveler i don't feel the need to see things or whatever but when you see those videos on twitter they usually go viral and people being like sometimes there's not even a caption it's just a pic it's just a screen it's just a like a panoramic shot all these places that are just like beautiful water or mountains that doesn't do it for you no that does that does and that's that's where i'm just like i can't believe that that is the same planet like i have access to that i could go there i could

right now this very second yeah by tomorrow i could be there and i sit there no we can't because i don't think we're allowed anywhere yes that's right donald trump's trapped as americans i don't think we're allowed anywhere else in the world yeah it's not even donald trump's fault it's their it's their fault and i don't blame you um but like I see those and I'm just like, oh my God. Like what I would give to be there. It's like, what would you give? You'd give like 600 bucks round trip. That's what you would give to get there.

I'd send those to my girlfriend. And I feel like you got to go. We have to go here one day. I love when people like jokingly like put the caption like Staten Island, New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, yeah, some of those places are just... I can't believe you don't like... We're actually not going to never talk again.

We're going to get you traveling. Yeah. That did not seem convincing. I just... I like the end... I need fucking Elon Musk to step it up and come through. See, I like everything about traveling. I know.

I don't like the fucking eight-hour plane rides. I don't like any of that. You're missing out. We'll just drink on the plane. Yeah, I know. I know. You can have a lot of fun on the plane. You just watch movies and drink. Yeah. It's like what I do at home. Well, I think what I want to do is like I gotta get like first class money. I will travel

but I want to be comfortable the whole time. Oh, I'm comfortable in regular seats. I know. It's crazy. It is weird. I mean, yeah, you have to admit you have no standards when it comes to things like that. 100%. Yeah. It's like you can sleep on a fucking bed of nails. It's like, whatever, dude.

But yeah, those places, that gets me going where it's just like, that is available to me. And that's why I always get jealous of the people who are just like, I live here. I live in a hut in hawaii and that's okay because you know we always talk about that the fisherman proverb or whatever and it's like yeah those people are the smart people and i don't know and i say this and i don't do anything yeah you really want i'm stuck you have no excuse you have no excuse. You have no excuse. I'm not going to make an excuse. I'm going to go. I want the Goodwill hunting moment. I want to show up here on Monday to record,

and I don't want you to be here. You ain't got kids. You ain't got a house. You got nothing to worry about. You can just go to, like, the Blue Lagoon in Italy or some shit. But the thing is that sucks is like, we will not be able to do that before 2022. I bet I can't leave this country until 2022.

And I don't mean permanently. I mean on a vacation. Yeah, it's crazy. But I bet it's 2022 before I can like leave the country. I think that we lost, I think we got like- To a fun spot. You know, maybe technically you can leave. I mean like to go on a full vacation. Yeah.

I bet it's not for another year. I think that reality is about to set back in again on people. That, you know, like sports, travel, congregating. Oh, sports aren't happening. Stop asking for sports. It's all about to be fucking canceled for a long time. Not going to happen. I'm on to worrying about 2021.

Yeah. Like baseball opening day 2021 is in jeopardy as far as I'm on to worrying about 2021. Yeah. Like baseball opening day 2021 is in jeopardy as far as I'm concerned. 100%. And people just don't seem to think. And again, when I say 100%, I said that with such confidence. I have no idea what I'm talking about. 100% opinion. Right.

100% my guess. Yeah. But I do think. It's just easier to accept things as like probably not happening rather than hoping for them. But then I don't know. Like we just on the rundown, we talked the tbt tournament which is obviously a very smaller operation but they lived in a bubble and like they their cases just like went down to zero and then they played their tournament and it worked now it it was dependent upon cooperation and as americans we

just don't it's kind of i haven't already been a bunch of calls to the NBA? Like the snitch hotline? I'm sure. These guys are just like, I do what I want. But it's not just the NBA and millionaires, because everyone keeps saying that. It's like, well, these guys are used to a certain standard of living, and it's like the hillbillies across the country, too, though.

They're used to a certain standard of living, and they won't give that up. It's getting a little embarrassing. We just, as a country, don't do anything we don't want to do ever. That's crazy. I actually meant to ask Nick this. Nick, can you put on the Liverpool game? They already have sports in Europe.

Yeah. Are the fans back? No, no, no. But they're doing it. They just have sports again. Because they were just like, yeah, all right, we'll listen to you. I don't know if I referenced it on the podcast, but I read an article that was basically interviewing european scientists

and they were talking about how their life how they how they did yeah everything and they were like we listened to american scientists you guys didn't they were like they were like i think it was like a german scientist or whatever who like built like the plan um in germany he was like i just listened to the harvard guy he's like you guys didn't i just did like you guys at harvard didn't listen to the harvard guy i believe looking back that oh you gotta put it on it will be the most uh it'll be like the most embarrassing like thing ever in our country i think that people will look back foreigners kids in the next generation they're reading their textbooks and they're gonna be like well wait i they just didn't want to wear the masks and i think that will be like the biggest

black guy forget about slavery and the holocaust and shit that will be like the biggest black eye. Forget about slavery and the Holocaust and shit. People just being like, I don't like this, so I'm not going to do it to the detriment of tens of thousands of people is fucking insanity. They didn't want to wear it?

Yeah, they just, oh, so they just were like a little uncomfortable by it, so they didn't do it. And again, I'm not, I don't want to get into all of it. I'm not saying that these masks like

stop everything, but it's just like, it helps a little bit. So just do it. And people, I'm not, I don't want to get into all of it. I'm not saying that these masks like, stop everything, but it's just like, it helps a little bit. So just do it. And people are like, nah! It's not my, it's my constitutional right not to. But unless you guys like us, then that guy's fucked mad! Give me beans, I'm gonna eat beans, I'm gonna rip my mask off and eat

my beans. I gotta go get beans back. I'm gonna eat the beans through the mask. I'm gonna waterboard my beans through my mask. Watch KFC to waterboard my beans through my mask. Watch KFC Radio. Download it. Rate it. Subscribe. What's he?

Number 42? What's he? 44? 45? What number is he? 45. 45. MAGA.

Today's episode is brought to you by New Amsterdam. Any of those nips floating around? We got the New Amsterdam vodka that they make. There we go. Yeah, give me some Pink Whitney. Let me hit that Pink Whitney. Pink Whitney is the flavored vodka that has taken the world by storm. Quite literally the most successful liquor of all time.

You ain't got Corona, right? We're good. We've been talking. We've been spitting each other's mouths for 20 minutes now. Man, I haven't spit in anybody's mouth in a long time. I can't wait for Corona to be over, over on the hook. New Amsterdam has been a welcome revolution in my life. It takes a lot, to be honest, in my world to switch liquor, switch alcohols.

You get set in your ways. It's very easy to get set. What have been your life changes? New Hampshire Dan Vodka is one of them. What were the other ones? Espresso Martini. Espresso Martini was a huge one. Espresso Martini was more like when I that was just the, it wasn't like I used to drink.

Your hair looks very good, by the way. Thanks, man. Appreciate it. Appreciate that. To all the people who call me bald, I just don't think you can call me bald that's like one of the main things that haters say about me they say I'm bald I'm like I just don't get it

I always joke with my brother I'm like if we were playing guess who and you said bald you wouldn't flip my fucking thing anyway I do think you're getting a little grey but you're not bald. Oh, am I? Where?

I think this is a gray. Okay. Yeah, you got a couple grays right here. I would welcome the gray. I might dye my hair gray. Just give me some salt and pepper in there. The espresso martini was when I. It's a good gray.

Yeah, I love it. Again, it's only. It's very. Dan should just go full gray. Let it happen with the salt and pepper. He dyes it back. I think I would Again, it's only, it's very Dan. Dan should just go full. Like let that, let it happen with the song pepper. He, he dies it back. I think I would just let it happen when I,

I was like beer and shots. And then I like switching to espresso. Martini was like, Oh, and now I can drink like a cocktail too. You know what I mean? Uh, so that was a big,

a big moment. Also prior to that, um, was like, I was doing like hard lemonade type shit. Like as a kid, kid before I was like, Oh, I'm lemonade type shit like as a kid kid before I was like I'm gonna drink I think everyone's first drink was a Mike's Heart

right and then you kind of like graduate I had it in my aunt's garage I remember being like I remember thinking cause there were guys who were making fun of me being like you drank that shit and I remember being like I'm gonna drink this forever like fuck you guys this is just like how it's gonna be but I you know i drank other

vodkas until new amsterdam came along and usually i'm setting my ways pretty stubborn guy and whether it's the pink whitney or uh just the straight regular vodka it's i like i honestly think it has to do with the branding i like the shape of the bottle i like the blue it's just like a sleek looking good tasting affordable uh vodka and then obviously pink whitney comes along sets the world on fire with like the fastest selling liquor in the world and uh they've jumped on board with us the way that we've jumped on board with goya beans and whatnot so um so but they're riding for us and chiclets and yeah no they're nhl they always say that pink whitney they're like we love trump and goya what i love about New Amsterdam is they're not even going to be upset about that. We won't even have to edit that.

So go get yourself some New Amsterdam vodka. NHL's almost back. They were actually discussing just changing the label to just a MAGA. That's privileged information. I wasn't supposed to say that out loud. It was in a meeting. They should do like Make America Whitney again and make it a red bottle or something. So go get yourself any of this, the Pink Whitney, the regular vodka,

whatever you want. New Amsterdam is that shit. A little late night, not late night, but later in the day, addition to KFC Radio, after we recorded the episode, 8 o'clock right now, Twitter is down for the blue check marks. The revolution is here. The plebeians, the commoners have won.

The Twitter pores are running wild while the cats away, the mice will play. And all the, the one who ever worked in Millen has a blue check mark. I know. I saw that tweet from Gaz and that made me think that that was like intentional. I feel like Gaz wants that tweet from Gaz, and that made me think that that was intentional. I feel like Gaz wants that. He wants this rogue crew of guys.

Because Gaz is our gatekeeper of blue checks, by the way. When you want to get verified, when you're a new employee of a new show, a new handle, and you've got to go through the verification process, Gazzo is the man who does it. And conveniently, you, Gaz, Dave, Hank. Millmore, Coley. Nobody. Nobody has a blue check. I would have done it.

So Gaz is obviously the gatekeeper. And he sends an email being like, I have a meeting with Twitter today. Does anyone want a blue check mark? And there are times when i would have said yes but by the time i see the email someone else has replied yes and i'm like fuck them so i have it i like that well the only reason i don't have there is definitely a, there's a vibe of like, it's cool now to not have a check mark. You know what I mean? It became like hipsterish in a way that you don't want to be part of the blue check brigade.

And so now you're reaping the benefits for the first time. Oh yeah, I'm so lucky i can send a fucking tweet tonight well no but yeah yeah but more on like the big picture of the joke it's kind of funny that it's like it's symbolic you know what i mean it's like there there are the people on twitter who are the the celebrities or the important people and and i don't want to i don't want to be a part of that anymore like i Having a blue check mark jumped the shark and this one instance is the personification of that. Have you deleted all your DMs yet?

Have I deleted my DMs? No, I guess I should, huh? Yeah, that's been a big recommendation, delete your DMs. Okay, one second. I will have to go do that huh but like but honestly if these are if this is if what's happened if what's going to happen has already happened these are definitively the worst criminals of all time like i feel like it's a 15 year old and like like who just knows how to hack shit,

but doesn't get how the world works. Like, a 15-year-old who knows computers, but doesn't get the world. Like, if you have access to Barack Obama's Twitter, you can do a lot more than ask for a couple of Bitcoins. Yeah, yeah. Well, all right, you say that, but what would you do? I'd fucking tank the stock market, dude. I'd be like, fuck Apple. Apple sucks. Apple's a bunch of racists.

And I'd fucking short Apple and be like, Apple's racist. And I'd fucking reap the benefits of that. I'll be honest. I didn't, I thought I was going to stump you and you were going to be like, yeah, you know what? I didn't really think of what I would do. There's a good answer. That was a good answer. That was a good answer. Especially, more importantly, Elon Musk, because like Obama could say some shit and it's just his opinion. But if Elon Musk tweeted like, we've been working on the automated driving car system, and we just realized today that it is a physical impossibility and the dream is

dead and it's like you know that's direct with the company he owns boom yeah done done i'll be honest i don't have any answers after stock market but stock market i would just fucking crush that there's a look like maybe i feel like maybe this person is gonna make 300 grand 400 grand you know what we'll find out we will find out how just how much people are sheep if like a tweet from your favorite politician or company owner or whatever saying give me money or or or you know give these people money because that's a crazy thing you know if you're just like bam here you go like fine i listen to you off one tweet i'll give money that's a little bit nutty and so we'll find out just how how uh like gullible people really are someone had someone i saw some

like reporter screenshot of the Bitcoin wallet that they were linking to or whatever the code they were giving for whatever it is. Right. And it had like 30 grand. Like if you have access to these accounts, some of the most powerful Twitter accounts in the world, and you might make a hundred, like I would bet they,

I would bet they top out the max is 500 but i would bet they make like 300 000 which is not a bad uh night's work but it is considering like how much how long you'll fucking go to jail for doing something like this i feel like this is this is a big deal right but also just like what you could you you have the most powerful platforms in the world you can change a lot like well no but you can't i think your stock market thing is is the only it's the only thing that is in real time that you could affect in that moment because as soon as people realize it's a hack i mean they had they had about 30 they had a couple hours maybe of like of shelf life right right and that's what i mean but i mean like if you change the stock market

you have the world yeah so like yeah you you do have a short period of time someone said i saw some other financial reporter said that like i guess these people were testing it out on smaller blue check marks like fucking minor league baseball players. Who gives a shit? And they were like, it was basically like they tried, they robbed a bank and they stole a lollipop first. Meanest thing you can say about somebody. Yo, well, honestly, hopefully this will maybe do a little overhaul of Twitter's blue check policies because they handed them out.

It used to be, it used to mean so much. That blue check back in the day was, you know, reserved for people with millions of followers who actually deserve it. And then it became floodgates where I saw a video the other day, someone did a skit and it was like the blue, the blue check process and it's got this kid and he's like, and there's a person who represents Twitter and he's like, hi, uh, can I get a blue check? I'm a YouTuber. I have 10 million subscribers. I make these like culturally influential videos

that everybody loves. And they're like, nah, no way. And then the next person is like, yeah, hi, I've written like two articles for the Washington post. I have 400 followers. Boom. Here you go. If you're a journalist, like you get whatever the fuck you want. Uh, so there is this, this, uh, are you going to care if it never comes back for you? If I, like if I lose my check. Yeah. No, no, no, no. No, you check. Now you check just like if you can never tweet again. Uh, yeah. John does a fucking heroin junkie care if you just can never get heroin again. Yeah. I think I would care.

I saw Deke Zucker had, like, top ten employees who care, top ten employees who don't care. And you were on the care. I think you were number three on the care. Who was on the don't? I mean, that's interesting. Let's go through that list real quick. I am not going to sit here and front like I am some sort of, like, I'm like.

Yeah, i was getting with casey in case he was like kevin doesn't care i was like yes he does yeah well i would i would maybe consider this the opportunity to like break my addiction right but to act like i'm unaffected no sir i mean i immediately john i have a i have like a an account from years ago i'm not even going to tell you what it is in case there's any like racist tweets on it. That I had like even prior, it was like during my for sure not days. And I immediately started looking into that. Like, can I find the password for that?

And then Nick reminded me that I have the 2010 KFC handle. And the first thing I did was log in and start tweeting from there. You know what? Usually I go home. These are the hours I don't really tweet. and the first thing I did was log in and start tweeting from there because you know what usually I go home these are the hours I don't really tweet I kind of try to unwind for like 15 minutes and I but you told me once you tell me I can't tweet I was like well I've gotta fucking find a way to tweet let me look at this deke list uh top 10 who who do care Bailey Carlin. Yes. Me, number two.

Trent. He also, there was a tweet from Trent that said, life is meaningless because I can't tweet. And Big Cat and Kate round out the top five. The top 10 employees who don't care. K Marco. Yeah. I mean, he's gone off Twitter. Ellie.

Ellie took a little two week vacation, but Ellie's entire career is based off of Twitter. So that's terrible. Caleb. That took a little two-week vacation, but Ellie's entire career is based off of Twitter. That's terrible. Caleb, that's a great one. Caleb lives in the jungle. I remember back in the day when Caleb had just gotten hired, and Caleb went on a podcast or something like that,

and he was like, and this fits much more now with the Barstool mold, or not Barstool mold, but it's just something you can have happen now. Right. He went on a podcast. He was like, I just don't really like the internet. Right. I remember that.

We were like, dude, there are six of us at this company, and it's an internet company. What are you talking about? You just don't like the internet. I don't like being plugged in or something like that. You are permanently plugged in. And then the next one on the list, Jerry Thornton, who, yeah, I mean, you know, old balls was a lot of fun.

He was around for about eight decades before Twitter. So I think he'll be able to survive without it. So we got a couple interviews for you today. We got a very funny comedian by the name of Cannon on. He is, what the fuck is that? No, we got Mike Cannon on the show, who is back in action with us. He's a very funny dude. I actually went to high school with my ex-wife.

So I've kind of always known of him through the grapevine. And now seeing that he did a, he did a new movie. His podcast has been successful. He's blowing up as a comic. So it's always cool to see that happen. Very funny dude. So we got him on the show and we also got Camille Kostick, who is just a fucking rocket.

Camille's the best. And she's back in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. So she's chopping it up with us as always. But it is Thursday. Her and a Frenchie. Her and a Frenchie that Feidelberg loves, and he's going to tweet about it. He was a cool-looking dog.

I mean, you just said you hate all Frenchies, and then she pulled a Frenchie. That was bad timing. Because she said pit bull at first. Did you notice that? She 100% said pit bull. And then I was like, that's not a pit bull. That's a Frenchie.

I was like, how are you going to pick up a pit bull? I was like, this is like, I know you, Camille. You're not that big. You can't curl a Frenchie. I was like, how are you going to pick up a pitbull? I was like, this is like, I know you, Camille. You're not that big. You can't curl a pitbull. And she's bending down. He popped up, and he had the ears and those big eyes. I was like, oh, that's the dog that Feidelberg literally just announced. You have to wipe its ass.

Well, I guess it's not all of them. I don't think you have to. I don't think it's all of them. Some of them. Some Frenchies, you definitely have to wipe their ass. It's insane. I mean, it was crazy. I don't think all of them, but like some of them, some Frenchies, you definitely have to wipe their ass. It's insane. I mean, I will. I will.

I'll make a second. I'll tell you what. I think it's weirder that other dogs you don't have to wipe their ass. How weird is that? Why do you not have to? I would venture to guess you should be wiping all your dog's ass. You probably should. You probably should.

But I don't want to. It's kind of weird that we have to wipe our asses. Shout out to Cardi B. You see her tweet? No. She said every time she shits, she showers. I'm pretty close to that. And that kind of shit sounds silly

but that's more normal. It's weird. The fact that our body has not figured out a way to... It's like when Adam and Eve were in the garden, Donald Trump fans, and creationism started, it's not like your body knows that there's going to be toilet paper. So our bodies don't – the process really doesn't run smoothly at all because it requires outside assistance from a fucking not natural thing. I would say 95% of the time I shit.

You shower? I shower. Really? The only time I don't shower afterwards is like an emergency. Well, you don't ever shit at work or in public or anything, so that's out. So when you're at home, you shit. Do you shower? Well, you just like kind of poke your ass in or you'll go like full shower.

No, I'll go full shower. You're washing your hair. You're not washing your hair, but you're getting your hair wet and everything. Yeah, I'll do the whole shebang. But that's also because you only shit like once a month. Yeah, it's crazy how little I shit. So that's fine because it's not that big of a deal. But there are people who are popping off like multiple times a day.

They can't be hopping in the shower every second. People poop multiple times a day? I think there are guys who shit multiple times a day. That's insane. Nick, how many times do you poop? One a day. One a day? Yeah.

That's too many. I think I'm probably somewhere in between you two. I'm definitely not a daily thing. I'm like twice a week. Yeah, that's crazy. It's insane. You are. It's insane. I feel like you're a girl.

Girls, they've trained themselves not to shit because they've been forced to culturally, and then their body's like, all right, well, apparently you're just not going to do this, so I'll just hang on to it for another 72 hours, and then maybe you'll go on thursday but you have just done the same thing yeah 100 well and i do i do i do think it's because i'm embarrassed and it really is it all gets like back to self-consciousness it's 100 me and like look i don't have to it's because like

i'm ashamed to poop like a dog that is wild is wild. Girls, they deal with that because we have these unrealistic standards. But guys, guess what? Nobody would be surprised if you shit, bro. I hold myself to the same standards we hold women to. That's right there. That's a feminist. Number one feminist podcast here. John holds himself to the same standards.

You know what? Guess what, girls? I ain't going to shit either. I'm going to torture my own goddamn system the way you do. I just think it's weird. It's evil and it's wrong, but it's 100% what I do. Our bodies would, like, if we didn't have toilet paper, we would just be gross.

You know? Even with toilet paper. We're gross, right. That's why I just feel like there should be a better system. You know, if you go back to, like, caveman days, and they were just, like, covered. But Cardi B says she showers every time she shits. I'm 99.

I'm almost exactly the same as her. I have no idea why we started talking about this. Oh, the dogs, though. But, yeah, because think about that. I mean, it's like Camille's on the show. The show is so ridiculous. I just can't believe, though. Like, dogs, we let shit and then just run all back in our house. that i mean it's like this show is camille's on the show i just can't believe though like dogs

we we we let shit and then just run all back in our house oh that's two two episodes in a row where you dropped your toy here play with this one thank you um you know it's just like yeah he's shit and i'll pick it up and throw in the garbage and then i'll let him jump on my bed you know what my mom does this is insane oh boy she keeps it all in a bag like she's all in a in a and it actually makes sense because i only learned this all the dog shit during quarantine in the bag so when she comes home from like the walk because like it's not in the city so there aren't trash cans right street corners right right and she just has like a bin that she just drops all the

shit in and then when it comes time for trash day she dump dumps all that shit into a bag. Yeah. Rather than bring it into the house and throw it. But even rather than just throwing it into the trash, because she's like, if you do that, that shit gets stuck, and then you end up hosing it out of the bag. But it's just disgusting to have a shit bin. A giant, I mean, a week's worth of dog shit. Yeah, it's animalistic.

And you've got a bigger dog, so it's like big shit. It's like 60 pounds. It's a big dog. This is a disgusting segment. Yeah, it's so gross. Am I the asshole? I just burped into it, too. All right, am I the asshole today?

We got a few good ones, but first, before we even get into them, there was an interesting article on Vice about the people who write the Reddit relationship stories and some Am I the Assholes? Because, you know, spoiler alert, breaking news. I don't know if people know this. This might be like breaking, like when you tell a kid there's no Santa Claus. But some of these are fake. Okay, I did not know that. I take everything at face value.

Yeah, I know. But you also know that you I take everything at face value. Yeah, I know. But you also know that you're naive. You say that. You say you're dumb. I've always known that some of these are fake. I feel like usually pretty often we call out, I call out the ones that I think are fake. And this article is about the people who write about them. Because think about it.

There are three million subscribers to Reddit R relationships, subreddit relationships. I mean, if you're trying to be a writer and get an audience and shit, boom, you got three million people right there. So some people use that to their advantage. And a perfect example

of a fake one, and I think we said as much when it went viral and we talked about it, is the infamous W house fighting uh i don't think i maybe i did think i think we did right i think i mean you definitely did i'm sure i agreed we definitely said the whole like it's a waffle house anything can happen but they said it happened like seven times and then the line that jumped out of me i knew was that it's like peter gr the chicken. I was like, this is just a funny-ass comparison, a funny-ass analogy. And so that was written by this dude. What was his name?

Okay, so, yeah, it says, there is no 29-year-old boyfriend who likes to get in fights at the Waffle House. And he said, Chris, his name is – he's 29 years old. And he said part of the story is true. While looking after his son during quarantine, the lawyer from Kansas City decided to pass the time by writing a fake relationship advice post. Though he had attempted to troll the sub before, none of his past posts had taken off.

As such, Chris deliberately crafted a story. I hate the, I'm sorry to interrupt. I hate the word troll. He's not trolling. He's making a joke. Trolling, I think, just means... We've lost a lot of words. We always talk about this,

where things just get so diluted that they don't mean anything anymore. Troll is definitely one of them. That's a joke, right? Is that a troll? Maybe I've lost the definition. I don't know either. I feel like troll used to mean I'm like deliberately, I guess in this case, he's deliberately lying to arouse a reaction.

But I always think of it as like more of a mean lie, not like an entertaining lie. This is like I'm, yeah, I'm lying for entertainment. So maybe, again, maybe I'm the one who's wrong there. I think trolling is... I think trolling originally was, like, not mean-spirited. Like, when I would troll Yankee fans, and I would just be like, Derek Jeter is, like, I don't know, he's, like, the 25th best shortstop in baseball. And I would just stick to my guns, and they would be getting all upset, and I'd be like, I'm trolling you guys, you know?

And then trolling became, I think, like everything else in the world became malicious. It was like you're trolling people by talking about – you're like race baiting and shit like that. But I do think the inherent idea behind it is when you're intentionally saying something like you don't believe. This is just like you're writing a story though. It's a fake story. Trolling I think has to be a personal opinion that you're pushing. A troll? Yeah, it's a story. It's just a story. It's a movie. It's a fake story. Trolling, I think, has to be a personal opinion that you're pushing. Is Up a troll? Yeah, it's a story.

It's just a story. It's a movie. It's a story. But I think when you're trying to portray it as real, that's what – that's a common theme of trolling is that you're saying something that's not real, pretending that you do mean it. And that's what this guy was doing. But he said quarantine was making me stir crazy.

And I thought I needed a laugh, and i thought uh you know i needed a laugh and i thought others might need a laugh as well oh he even says uh whether chris qualifies this as a troll is up for debate while traditionally the term refers to those who are inflammatory online the lawyer had more benevolent aims i just wanted to give everyone a chuckle so yeah there was no there was no uh you know inherent evil whatever intentions here. So he wrote it on a desktop document, uploaded it, and he had a credible backstory. And he compares the twist to Shakespeare's Macbeth. All right, so down.

All right. But relax, Chris. But this says that between 5% and 10% of all the Reddit relationship posts are fake. So it's a lot like a Snapple fact in my mind. So every time we do these, we'll give an answer, but you also got to tell me whether you think it's a real one or a fake one. So let me get into – these are a couple leftovers from last week because I told you there was like a shit ton of them. Am I the asshole for telling my boyfriend to not spit in our food seems pretty clear cut huh uh we are currently not speaking because of this issue since i find

it gross and my boyfriend can't see the problem with it now this is this is going to be even grosser than you think because you think that like yeah spitting food like that's a you know if i spit in your food that's like what an angry chef does right there's a whole different reason here i do most of the cooking in our relationship which i'm fine with however occasionally my If I spit in your food, that's like what an angry chef does, right? There's a whole different reason here. I do most of the cooking in our relationship, which I'm fine with. However, occasionally my boyfriend will want to do some of the cooking together slash some of the baking. We do a lot of activities together, especially now that we're both at home. The one thing I cannot stand is a habit when it comes to food.

If my boyfriend thinks that something is too dry or needs better consistency, he'll use his own spit. For example, the other day we were making icing for homemade cookies, and I caught him, quote, thinning out the icing mixture by spitting inside the bowl and mixing it in. This has been an issue for some time, so he tries to hide it from me whenever he does it. But every time I catch him, I find it gross.

His reply is just to shrug to me and tell me that I get more of his saliva in my mouth when we kiss, so it shouldn't be a big deal. It makes literally no difference. I pleaded with him to use water, but he says the texture is not the same. I know that he's right in some way, and it's not like I complain about his spit when we make out, but something about it being mixed in with the food grosses me out.

This does go along the lines of what you said to Howie Mandel, though. A little bit of, you know, swallowing saliva right now, but if you were to give me a shot of my own saliva, it would be disgusting. Yeah. You do make out with me, and we swap spit. You don't care about that. All sorts of bodily fluids all over the place. But if I just spit into your brownie batter, you're freaking out. But there are just certain things you can't do.

In a society, which we live in. Barely. You cannot do that. You can't just spit In a society, which we live in. Barely. You cannot do that. You can't just spit into brownie batter. The rule is the spit, the saliva, it can't hit the air. Well, that's not true. Think about it. I've been thinking about it.

Trust me, I'm thinking about it. Also, trust me, me and you are in the minority. There's a lot of people going, no, no, no, it can't hit the air. But yeah, okay. But it's got to be a small window. It's a very short window. Okay. Amendment. The saliva can't hit the air while my dick is soft.

Deal. That's easier. I mean, it is. It's just the thing about what goes into like holding a bowl up like this and going like, yeah. And you probably don't loogie it, right? No, it can't be.

It's got to be like saliva. But it's still like, like that's gross, but also it barely affects it. It barely affects it, but it's also just harder than running it under the sink. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's easier to just run it under the sink.

It's easier to put mayonnaise in there or ketchup or fucking any other mildly liquefied meal or whatever you want to call it. Liquefied accoutrement. I use that one again. It's just it's insane. Or whatever you want to call it. Liquefied accoutrement. I use that one again. It's insane. It's an absolutely insane thing to do. And the fact that I think she's a coward for not punching him in the face the first time she saw it. But you have to abuse your boyfriend the moment he does that.

You got to lay down the law, right? You got to fucking stab him. Fuck it. I don't give a shit use whatever weapon is available you have to you have to nip that in the bud fast i do commend him you can't just have a fucking significant other who just spits in food in order to fucking make the consistency better i actually thought that this would have been a long con like you know the fastest way to never have to cook again? Spit. She'd be like, oh, I got this, I got this. And you go sit down and watch the game while she continues to cook.

But it sounds like it's something he likes to kind of continue to do. So, yeah, no, you're not the asshole. He's the asshole. He's the asshole, 100%. That one, that might even be a fake one, to be honest. If we're going to go down that road, I mean, that definitely falls under the possibility of, come on now, this can't fucking be real.

What else? We got a relationship one. I found out my mom and I are, quote, dating the same guy, and she doesn't know it. Ooh, mama. What? Yeah. For context, I grew up in a very liberal and open home slash city where we always communicated with each other and were honest. I'm newish to the BDSM scene and poly relationships, but my parents are poly, and that's what sparked my interest in it.

Poly is polyamorous? Yeah, open. Everybody fucks everybody. I'm 22, and the guy I was seeing is 43, same age as my parents. I met Cody at a munch. I don't know what that means. That sounds like some kinky shit. at a munch. I don't know what that means. That sounds like some kinky shit. At a munch. Back in September last year.

Can you Google that? Give me a little Urban Dictionary. Munch. M-U-N-C-H. Like munching on pussy. I met him at a munch back in September and we really hit it off. We complimented each other's tastes. Although my family and I are honest with each other, I never told them about this because I feel like my sexuality is a personal thing.

Yeah, that seems pretty, you know. Well, this is if you're... Apparently you should have spoken. We had a mutual understanding that it was cool if we also played with and dated others. When you say played with, that means you kinky. Played with? Yeah. Oh my goodness.

Heavens to Betsy. While we're seeing each other. He had been into the poly lifestyle for several years. He cleared with other people? Yeah. That is so weird. And I was used to, what does munch mean? Derived from burger munch. Oh, of course.

It's a casual social gathering. For people just interested in BDSM. I guessed it was something sexual. I didn't think it was going to be BDSM. Hey, man, maybe at the munch we're going to fucking slap each other with leather whips. Derived from burger munch. Go back to calling it that.

Yeah. Okay, so he was into the poly lifestyle. I grew up around it. We're good. Everything was dandy until last week. What? I just saw liquid munches known as sloshes in many areas. Oh, my God.

What do you do at a slosh? I can't read any of that. My eyes are so bad. I just don't get why it's called munch. Are they eating food? A slosh is just held at a bar. Oh, okay. I get down with that.

All right, sure. So, anyway, everything was dandy until last week when my mom told me she started talking to a guy she met through a dating app, similar description to Cody. She had started going online because of the coronavirus. Yickity-yackity-yackity-yack. I shrugged it off, told myself this has got to be a coincidence. We live in a huge city. Then she showed me a picture and was raving about him. Sharing has never been an issue with me until I realized that my mom and I could potentially be getting the same guy the thought of it makes me uncomfortable i would

hope so i don't know if i should break things off with cody without telling my mom so it will make it feel awkward or do i tell my mom and let her help me decide i just don't know what to do and before anyone comments on this no i'm not a troll so okay this one's real. Yeah, he says that. So you and your mom are fucking the same person. God. Theoretically, you know, under this polyamorous thing, it's, you know, should kind of be allowed. There's nothing inherently wrong with it. There's something wrong with it just because

I just can't have that pressure on me. Meaning what? Do I fuck as good as my mom? Yeah. I can't have my mom fuck you better than I do. Like, I just can't have that pressure on me. Meaning what? Do I fuck as good as my mom? Yeah. I can't have my mom fuck you better than I do. I just can't have that happen. Yeah, that's so true.

I have enough self-confidence issues before knowing my mom fucks my boyfriend better than I do. That's a tough one. That is certainly a tough one. You just can't have that. Now, I would also, depending on the mom situation, I mean, it sounds like she's poly and swinging.

She's catching dicks. This is a little too close to home, by the way. Just having poly. Oh, yeah. So I'm poly to poly. But it sounds like she's, you know, if this was like, let's say you come from a normal family and your dad dies and your mom has been at home

and she's been lonely for like 20 years and then she starts dating a guy and you find out it's the same dude. I think you gotta like bow out. Oh, yeah. Mom gets dibs. But in this case, 100% of the time.

In this case though, she's going to BDSM parties. She's fucking all over town. I almost think that you have as much of a... Well, no, she's not. He is. She's online. She beat him on Grindr Okay fine, but I'm saying like

She's polyamorous, has been her whole life She's been fucking all over town And now she meets a guy on an app I think it doesn't matter I think mom gets dibs 100% of the time I think in this case If you and your mom are trying to fuck the same person, mom gets to fuck them I don't think, if your mom is older and has had multiple decades of poly swinging, I feel like she should defer to you and be like, I've had my time.

It's time for you. Nah, nah. It's always mom. Okay, that's fair. I do. How about this though? Food eats first. Camera eats first.

Mom fucks first. Yeah, it's like put your put your mask on first. I got to fuck and then I can take care of you. How about this? What if Cody was the daughter's age and not the mom's age? I think there's also an element of that. If you're going to look at these two, who should she be with? She should be with the person who's his age.

But he's 22. He's like 40, so I think he goes with the mom. But if he was like her age, the daughter's age, should the mom defer to the daughter? Hang on a second here. I'm learning something very new just this moment. What's that? I assume that was a guy. No, it's a girl.

It's a girl. Yeah. Wait, you thought the guy was bisexual? No. The poly stuff threw me off. Well, the way you were talking, I was like, I thought you were just putting yourself in a female's shoes. I just figured if you're polyamorous, you're also bisexual, so you just fuck everything.

I am just now learning it. So you were thinking about you were fucking a guy. Yeah. You did that way too easily. Way too comfortably. I grew up in a very liberal household. Everything's polyamorous. True.

I'm like, you just fuck everything. That's true. I'm not. If you're dating, if you're fucking a guy, you're probably a guy. No, that was funny, though. This is a daughter and a mom and a guy. Okay. That changes everything.

So now what are you thinking? Now a daughter gets them. Okay. In all situations? In all situations. Yep. Why is that? Don't know.

I think it should be case-by-case basis in a sense. Like I said, if mom's out here catching more dick than you, what if mom is super hot and the daughter is like, I've never had a boyfriend and this is finally a guy I like? Then the mom should defer. Mom should defer to all of them. You just totally flipped on me. I'm fucked.

If it's not a guy fuck, I don't know what it was about a guy fucking a guy, but I felt like mom gets him. I guess it's just chivalry, really. Oh, yeah. Okay, so I'm now putting myself in the shoes you were in. This is a jacked up one. I would do anything for my mom. I would die for my mom, including you can have my boyfriend.

That's why I was like, I can't have my mom fucking all that stuff. Now everything you said is, I got to go re-listen to this episode. Because I thought you were just role-playing. Like, yeah, if I was a daughter, I can't have my mom fuck better than me. It sounds like a boyfriend, doesn't it? No. Just the way, like, the polyamorous thing throws me off. That doesn't mean gay.

It just means multiple. No, you're right. It was judgmental and naive of me to think otherwise. But. You're getting canceled. I just immediately thought this is a boyfriend. I didn't even hesitate.

Quickly, I was like, this is a dude fucking a dude. I think that the straightness does matter. I think that the age matters. I think that you have... I think the

situation matters. I feel that you have, I think, I think the, I think the, the situation matters. I feel like in this case, the mom should maybe, no, he's her age. He goes with the mom. If that, if the boy was younger,

I think the mom should say, you know what? I'm the one who's like out of my bracket, my age range. I'm going to leave it to you. Yes. I'm, I'm confused. I'm going to leave it to you. Yes. I'm confused. I'm lost. I'm going to be honest. I know I just said

100% of something you said that I completely disagreed with. So the daughter is 22, let's say. The mom and the guy are both like 45. Right. So if they have to pick, the 45-year-old should go to the other. 45 is 45. But if the dude was like 22... 45old should go to bed. 45 is 45. But if the dude was like 22.

45, shout out Trump. And if the dude was like 22 and the daughter's 22 and the mom is like, I'm swinging with this young guy and finds out it's the daughter, then I think she has to bow out. I, again. You're going to stick with the mom. I think daughter wins no matter what. Well, as a parent, I can say that's bullshit.

Sometimes I should. Keegan, if you're're listening we deal with this 20 years from now i'll get that girl wow what a what a world though can you imagine that that's some uh that's some crazy stupid love shit right uh sorta no have you ever seen rumoror Has It? No. Jennifer Aniston, her mom, and grandma all bang the same guy. Good for him. Three generations. Pretty bold of Jennifer Aniston to assume that we would believe her grandmother's still alive. Jennifer Aniston's like 60.

Well, when she was like 40, it could be possible. Look, she's awesome. She's the best, but there's no way Jennifer Aniston's grandmother's alive. Not anymore, but when she was like 40, it could happen could be possible Look she's awesome She's the best But like There's no way Jennifer Aniston's grandma Not anymore But when she was like 40 It could happen

It was from 05 Yeah so like 15 years ago Maybe In Crazy Super Love It's just a friend It's A friend's like dating his daughter Right

There's no like mutual Banging at each other But it is But I'm just saying That moment of like Hey mom Look at my new boyfriend. And it's like, I know that person.

That guy fucked me in the ass. That is great. And because that's the other thing of this, by the way, you know that it's not just like, oh, I went on a date with him. It's like, oh, he tied me up. We did double penetration with our neighbor. Crazy shit. We'll do a couple more here. This one is controversial.

And I think I kind of see both sides of it, but it's a tough one. Am I the asshole for cleaning poop off of my female friend? I'll try to make this short. It's two goddamn slides, so it's not that short. I'm a 30-year-old married man. We recently had a party for some close friends after COVID, seven of us total. By different circumstances, we don't have much. Four women, three guys.

Long story short, we drank a bit, and everyone was planning on crashing at our place. No big deal, nothing unusual. The one girl that recently became single drank a lot due to the breakup. She ended up passing out. I moved to the couch near us so we could continue talking to her while monitoring her. Well, eventually she stirs, rolls over, and reveals that she has pooped herself down her skirt and her legs. Shout out to Caitlin Bennett. Everyone laughs at first and then starts gagging.

Did you say that? Was that written? No, I said that. Everyone laughs at first and then starts gagging. The couples basically say that that's a sign the night is over and they start going to the rooms well i'm the lone holdout that just can't leave her covered in poop my wife was too drunk to help everyone just shit-faced i was conflicted because this was a close friend so i did what i thought was best i grabbed baby wipes and i cleaned her up to be clear this is this is never good and this is where i i might understand the other side of it because

you never want to have to say this sentence to be be clear, I did not touch her vagina at all. But I did clean poop off her butt and quickly ran a wipe through her butt crack. I'm a nurse. I also think matters. So I have a super strong gag reflex. Didn't bother me at all. Slept on the couch next door in case I heard any choking or puking. Next morning wakes up, comes to see everyone, comes to see their friend covered in poop.

Well, she's not anymore. And that's when it all starts. I can't believe you did that. That's assault. You basically groped her. My wife was no help, which hurt badly and implied that I shouldn't have, I should have gotten her to do it despite the fact that she was way too drunk to help. I feel like my friends aren't messaging me as much anymore and I'm being excluded.

Today was the final straw when I looked at my wife's phone and saw a group chat of the girls with one of my best friends suggesting that the passed out girl should file a police report. I don't know what to do. I'm so frustrated because I tried to do the right thing. I'm a goddamn nurse. Cleaning poop off of someone is so clinical and practiced, it's almost routine at this point.

He goes on to clarify a couple things, but none of it is really. The girl who had the accident is horribly embarrassed. The next day, she left shortly after. Didn't harp upon it. He's in Canada. It was a long fucking wrap-up, but there's no other additional details.

I think you should be arrested just for being a sicko who cleans up poop. Just let someone fucking sit in their own shit. Now, I do not think that it's assault. I think the fact that he's a nurse makes a huge difference. Huge difference. But I also, even if he wasn't, I don't think he would be considered. Again, I don't know.

This is not assault. Come on. What am I? Who do I know? What do I know? What do I know? But if you shit your pants right now, I'd never touch it in a million years. No way. No way, Jose. I'm not doing that.

And if you do, you deserve to be arrested. I agree with his friends that they should press charges. For the wrong reasons. Because he's a psychopath. I mean, he is technically. The reason you're saying that is because you're grossed out by it, right? 100%. Now, if you're not grossed out by it and you're like, this is my friend, it's bad to sit in a pile of your own shit and I'm going to clean him up.

You know, he's not, that's what he's doing. He's not, like, he wasn't fucking getting off on you. What would you do if I wiped your ass? I mean, I'd probably have to, like, break up with you. You know? Like, what if you woke up in the morning you went to bed knowing you shit your pants and you woke up in the morning and you were like i did not have any shit in my like i'm squeaky clean i smell better than ever i would have to break up with

you as a friend and co-host and lover because i can't ever like like we can never argue or anything ever again you just be like or yo, man, grab me a beer. No. Oh, yeah? I clean shit off you once a week. All right, fine. You just have this trump card over me forever and ever and ever. You know?

Yeah. Yeah. You almost said 100% again. I almost said it. I caught myself, though. Good for me for catching myself. Because I said it like three times in a row. I feel like the friend saying you should press charges is like,

that should no longer be a friend. Get the fuck out of here. That's aggressive. That's weird to be on a group chat with someone's wife and be like, we're going to press charges. He's going to jail. Yeah. Fuck you. I mean, this is one of those things where it's like, I totally think he should be thanked

and not press charges. But it's also why you can't. I'm not going to go out of my way for anybody in this world because everything backfires i mean i was trying to wipe someone's asshole is definitely yeah and the way he says like i just you know it sounds like if you just took a towel right and i just like threw it on your back and pulled it up that's what he's making it sound like if she woke up clean that means he was like yeah we wiped her asshole that's that's that is that is too much that's. Which is why. Again, I don't know.

The nurse aspect, huge aspect. I think it's just a crazy idea to be like, I'll wipe up their asshole. Yeah. I think if you throw them in the shower and turn the hose on, turn the hat on, if you hose them down like a goddamn horse, there's other ways. I don't think you should be all up in there spreading cheeks. But ultimately, I think you could be like, that was a little weird, but like, I don't know. I'm starting to come around on it. If I was just like, hey, man, I was passed out drunk and you pulled open my butt, I don't want to be around you anymore.

I would get it. But you know what? You're also the asshole for shitting in someone's house. So forget about all your shit. You shit on my couch. Openly shit on my furniture in the middle of our party and shut our party down because you were so out of control, you shit all over the place. You are the asshole. Yeah, you're 100% the asshole.

Fuck off, man. All right, one last one, and we'll just do it quickly because this headline I got a crack out of. I got my period on a weekend getaway, and my boyfriend got mad at me and told me I should just hold it in. I can't believe this is actually happening. I've been dating this guy for five months. We never really had any issues. We planned a weekend getaway at my parents' house in the woods.

We were really excited for it. We got there Friday night, and on Saturday I woke up, and I was on my period. It wasn't supposed to be for at least another four or five days. My period is pretty much always on time, so I didn't even think it was going to be now. But when I'm on my period, I always have horrible cramps. I took a painkiller, but it didn't help much. So I went to my boyfriend and told him and he got really mad at me. Apparently he came there to go hiking and have

sex. I'm here to go hiking and have sex and we already did all the hiking, babe. And that wasn't going to happen now. It wasn't my fault. I can't control my period. He literally said that I should have waited and held it in until we got back home. Do you know how old they are? Did they say?

No. No age. As a 31-year-old now, I used to be terrified of periods. I probably would have been this guy if I was 22 or something like that. Hold it in. Why are you bleeding but now like I bet this person's under 23

I'm trying to look at the comments to see if there's anybody I bet this person's like 17 because that's where if all you want to do is hike and fuck you're definitely under 17 I can barely do either of those things, let alone both at the same time. But you do have to understand that girls can't just, you know,

like plug your ears and your nose and your pussy and the blood doesn't come out. Voicemail time. They're brought to you by Postmates. If you're like me, you love eating, you love food, you don't want to go out, you don't want to have to go grocery shopping, you don't want to have to out. You don't want to have to go grocery shopping. You don't have to cook. You don't have to do the dishes. I don't want to have to get in my car and drive to the restaurant to pick up the food. Everything's weird now. You know, do I go in? Do I wait outside the window? I forgot my mask. Do I have to wash my hands afterwards? Are they being safe? You know, I don't want to go into the restaurant at all. I want to just have it

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And it's not just like burgers and sushi. You can get things from Walgreens, 7-Eleven. So, I mean, you know, I get like diapers from Walgreens. I get milk when I'm in a jam. I've had Benadryl delivered right to my house. Whatever you need from your local pharmacy or your corner store like 7-Eleven, they can deliver that too as well. You can have iOS or Android.

It doesn't matter. And you can get whatever you need delivered within the hour for a limited time only. Postmates is giving our listeners $100 of free delivery for the next seven days. So when we first did this promo, we were, like, floored by it. Now think about it, doing it in the COVID world. I mean, I remember people used to say, how can I spend $100 of delivery? I'll do that in three days, bro delivery i'll do that question to start right now it's preposterous forget it first seven days a hundred dollars of delivery for free

when you download the postmates app and use the promo code kfc at checkout find your favorite restaurants your local restaurants your walgreens your 7-eleven get anything you need delivered whether it's food or uh you know local know, local, uh, or convenient groceries, whatever. Download Postmates app, use the promo code KFC at checkout for a hundred dollars of free delivery credit in the next seven days. Anything you need, anytime you need it, Postmates it. What's up boys? So I got a quick story slash question for you. I kind of fucked up.

I don't know. So a few years back, uh, one night I started shitting blood. Obviously it spooked the fuck out of me, so I went to the ER. Doctor had to check my ass. He had to put his fingers on my ass and shit. Jesus. Turned out it was just internal hemorrhoids. He sent me home.

Nothing left funding. Whatever. So fast forward a few years. Now a paramedic. That is the hospital that we mainly transport to now. And the doctor that basically finger-fucked my ass is my medical director, which is the doctor that makes all of our protocols, basically my top boss. So now I have to see this guy pretty much every day. And we kind of, I don't know, it just gives me a weird vibe,

like we both know who each other are and uh so i guess my question is is there anything worse than your top boss not only seeing your but basically finger it i don't know it's it's just spooking the out of me all right boys thanks i don't i think, I don't think this guy can, he has an easy, he needs a new job. Oh, I disagree completely. You think that this doctor does not remember you. Uh, okay. I think it's just human nature.

We're all very narcissistic and conceited. And we think that every, you saw a doctor five years ago when he had to check your ass. Like that dude doesn't remember you. Okay, fine. But wouldn't you say that even like you knowing you knowing is just going to, like, the dynamics going to be fucked? Now, me and you, we can compartmentalize like a motherfucker and lie to ourselves. We're fine.

But the average person, they walk in the room, and they're like, hey, boss. And they're trying to have a normal conversation, and he's just sitting there going, you finger fucked my ass. You finger fucked my ass. You finger fucked my ass. Also, finger fucked is a stretch. Well, I'll tell you this much. If he did finger fuck your ass, then you definitely need a new job.

Because if he's in there blasting you, let me find out he used his ring finger and his middle finger or some shit. But you got a problem, man. I think you should get a new job unless this is the fit for you. Otherwise, it's like... I mean, it's hard to become an EMT. If you work to become an EMT... You can't just get it at another place.

I don't think so. I don't know about maybe not getting the job, but the process of becoming an EMT is a pretty difficult one. You have to go to school and stuff like that. And actually, now that I'm thinking about it, much like the last conversation, you're all in the medical field. It's all just regular shit.

Yeah. I think that doctor has no idea who the fuck you are. He's probably finger-banged a bunch of butts. conversation you know you're all in the medical field it's all like just regular shit yeah i i think that doctor has no idea who the fuck you are he's probably finger banged a bunch of butts right do you think there's a girl who could walk in here right now who you fingered before and you wouldn't know no i know everybody have fingers really yeah yeah not you and there's a lot of girls you fingered that that you wouldn't know? Definitely. I think I know every vagina I've probed. That's been a question that's been asked before. I forget if it was why it was asked.

But it was like, do you think there's a chance you have a son in this world? And I was like, yeah. There's a chance. There's definitely women I've had sex with, where I've just never spoke to ever again. They might have children. Right. That's a, that's a harrowing question and a harrowing realization.

I think I only have like one. No, but I don't, I don't, I've never, I've never come in a girl, but I mean, I guess,

you know, you can, you can sneak through. You've been doing dry comes? I've never come in a girl. Yeah, I mean, you can come without coming in a girl. Yeah? Pulling out. No, no, no.

I know you can't. I mean, yeah, that's your move. No. You don't pull out? I mean, yeah, like, that's your move? Um, no. You don't pull out? Not a lot. No. I mean, look, if someone wants me to, yes, but unless it's requested, no. Wow. If you were not dating, if you were not in a relationship,

and you were to go and just hook up with a random girl tonight, you would just come inside? No, I would do whatever. I'm a very gracious lover. Whatever you want me to do, I do. If nothing was said, if it's just like there's been no discussion before. Nah, you know what? It's been such a long time.

I guess I'm just like not remembering right. Yeah, I probably would. Yeah. You're right. Yeah, yeah. It's a little crazy to just go out there and gun the blazer. No, no, no, no. you're right yeah yeah it's a little crazy just go out there no no no you're right like 100 i definitely would i don't know why you said like yeah it's it's been a long time since i had right did that but that's yeah let me tell you something when you're out here you know you can't be risking that that's a lot i

mean that's just i remember my buddy uh my buddy this was a few years ago. And he was just like, yeah, man, like I've been, I've been coming inside like every time we have sex. And I remember being like, I just was, I told him to stop. He's like, I got to stop. And he just kept doing it. And one time I shook him and I was just like, that is the method for having a baby. That's what you do to achieve a baby. You come inside of the vagina to have a baby and you're just doing that over and over and over again literally the step-by-step process of procreation

right and yeah i know the pill and everything but it's just like boy it's not worth it i remember i remember thinking like i remember thinking there was there was a time where i was like i'm i'm gonna come inside it's gonna be worth it, it's gonna feel so good and then I did it and I was like that was not worth it I don't even really like it that much it's just the easier one to do now I'm worried about it and that was not worth it it's less messy

I definitely don't find it a turn on or anything like that it's not particularly erotic to me but it's just the easier one. For you. For right now. That is a big time future me will worry about that.

It's just like me not lifting the toilet seat when I piss. It's easier in that moment. Then I have to wipe it up and stuff like that. But the toilet seat doesn't pop out another toilet seat that you have to take care of.

The toilet seat doesn't create a little toilet that you then have to pay for for the next 20 years. Okay? You're right. Let's not comment on people unless it's all agreed upon. I don't even know what the question was. Yeah. Your boss can finger you.

So what? Your boss's fingers have been up your ass. AKFC, Fight SuperDuperBC. up your ass. Hey, KFC. Fight SuperDuperBC. Just had a quick question for you guys. How do you guys get ladies to stop trying to cuddle and touch you after sex? You know, when I bust a nut,

I get that clarity really fast. You know, what is living? Why is the sky blue and you know once girls are done sex they're trying to cuddle you and you want to get out touch you and i want my space and i want to really think about the existence of humans and other post-nup clarity things uh yeah how do you guys get another big girlfriend or you know what i said how do you get them to stop touching you and cuddling you after sex?

Because that seems to be what they want. Thanks. You're asking the wrong guy. I'm the cuddly king. I will cozy up to you and hold you tight as long as possible. I'm the cuddly man. Yeah, I like cuddling. Big spoon, I'll do it to you.

Little spoon, preferred. 100%. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I guess I'll roll over a little bit. Oh, sleeping I think is a little different. I think sleeping while cuddling is a bit much. No, I cuddle the entire time. Don't you get hot? I guess not.

Are you big spoon and you sleep that way? So you're sleeping on your shoulder, your arm over her? And one arm under. See, that's too much. Somehow it doesn't go numb. It's crazy how it doesn't. That's a bit much. Oh, fuck me.

My shoulders are really fucked up. I don't know if that's a deal. John's barely moved and all of a sudden he's grimacing. I'm a big, I'd like to, I'll fuck so that we can cuddle afterwards the end game is a little bit of snuggling I want a little head scratch I want you to kind of do that thing where you like tickle my forearm

and just rub me I don't know this one just give me a hug it feels great do that all over my body I didn't care for that. You don't like – I'm surprised to hear you like snuggling because I feel like – I don't like –

Anytime I've ever mentioned like massaging or touching, you're like, no, no, no. I'll be an intimate – that's why I'm not a little spoon guy. I'll be an intimate toucher. Yeah, you're the big bear. I don't like to be intimately touched. Yeah, see, I want to be intimately touched. But I want it all. I want to squeeze that ass.

I want you to squeeze mine. I want to hang out. We want to – but when we sleep, I want it all. I want to squeeze that ass. I want you to squeeze mine. We want to hang out. But when we sleep, I do need to go back to your corners. But the idea, this whole, like, I fuck and then I kick you out of bed. I think that's a very archaic idea. I do not think men think like that much anymore. I think guys are like, yeah, I like to be held. Intimacy is okay.

You know, there's like the running joke. It always goes viral, and I love it every time on Twitter. It's like my man wants his boys to leave the house or whatever. And it's like a picture of like this ghetto dude, and his girl is like holding him like a baby. There's one where he's like drinking, and she's almost like feeding him like a bottle and like rubbing his head. It's just like a grown man acting like a baby being coddled by his girl. And it's like, yeah, this is what happens when the fellas leave. Because it's like, yeah, when we're alone and we're deep down

and we're being honest with ourselves, we want a little bit of love. I'm the woman in the relationship. Yes. A hundred percent. Absolutely. It's the stereotypical woman right here. Yep. I'm the one who's laying on the couch.

I'm in your lap. I'm getting my head rubbed a hundred percent of the time. A thousand percent. And anybody else who's still living the best. I'm in your lap. I'm getting my head rubbed 100% of the time. 1000%. And anybody else who's like still living the best. Son of a bitch. Fuck. Let's call a spade a spade, man. We've all got our crutches, you know?

Yeah, listen. If you're still like, I'm a caveman. I got to kick you out of the cave after we fuck, then. You wrong. You're wrong for that. You're real wrong. All right, next question. Hey, boys. I'm just calling because wrong. You wrong for that. You real wrong. All right, next question. Hey, boys.

I'm just calling because I have a question for you. What's up? I found out recently through my group text to my friends from home that everyone has vibrators. And that's fine. But then I went and texted all of my other friends and said, so does everyone have vibrators? And I just didn't know.

My question for you is, is there anything that your friends have been doing for years and you just like missed them out? Thanks. Wait, this girl is surprised that all her friends have vibrators? Sounds like it. Yeah. Do you remember?

Do you remember? Probably on this very show. And just guys in general. There was a time. And we were always on the right side of this. But it was a debate. There was a discussion. Do all girls masturbate?

Do you remember those days? Do you remember the days where we would question if there are members of the human race who do not masturbate simply because they were female? That is one of the more ridiculous things we ever used to do. Yeah, that's one of the more problematic thoughts we've ever had. But there were girls who perpetuated that myth by lying. There were girls who were like, I don't do that. Do you want to know how bad girls masturbate? So open your Safari for me real quick gladly where's

this gonna go okay so you're one of them okay all the women in my life what the pornhubs on there they don't delete that so you do i yeah i mind solo i just since when mr i don't use incognito i don't clear my browser? I don't do any of that, but it's just easy to delete the icon. Be like, all right, every time someone uses my Safari, they don't need to see. I have women in my life who have three in a row. It's like Pornhub, Xvideos, and RedTube or something like that. Good for her.

And I'm like. Why don't you pass me that girl's number, bro? Well, she's my girlfriend by the way i find it to be this is what john's talking about by the way when you open up safari and it has all your favorites and your frequently visited uh uh websites um i mean i i use it i just i click the porn hub but no but but but yeah but there were girls also with the porn that would be like i think it's a little more reasonable. Like there might be some girls who don't watch porn or at the point where they have the favorite on their browser. Like I don't watch porn.

It's like you probably do, but I understand you lying about it. But the fact that there was ever a point where it was like I don't – But it's on them because they lied about it. Yeah, they did. They perpetuated that myth. Like guys were just like, yeah, we watch porn. Girls for a while were like, I don't know what that is. Right.

And then somehow became deviants overnight. Yeah, you little swats. You fucking animals. You fucking whores. You know what I've thought about, by the way? The hard W is a lot. That did slip out. You know what I was thinking?

I have a notion. We, as fellas, are always sitting here saying, what's with the step porn craze? You think it's women? Maybe it's girls. It was there coming over. They're the ones that keep this in the algorithm. Because I know for a fact, me, you, every guy I've ever talked to, and guys that would not. No, I know there are a few guys in the office.

That are into it? Yeah, i mean i've never like searched for it and i'm like who is keeping this myth up and maybe it's the girls who are over there going see i don't watch porn but when i do it's a fucking dad fucking a daughter telling you they're the deviants out here uh interview time let's talk to mike cannon and camille kostick uh we'll start off with mike he's a very funny comedian he's in a new movie timing with tim dillon and akash and a bunch of other guys who've been on the show before so uh mike cannon is brought to you by roman roman swipes i said this on mail time i used to kind of do the roman swipes uh ad talking about you know i think this might work and now i can do these ads telling you they definitely do.

Oh, baby. I was going to say, I know someone in the office who I'm not going to out them, but I know someone in the office who has used them. I don't think it should be considered like outing. I understand. I don't think it should either. There's like a stigma to these things, but it's like, you know, when you're having sex, like you had your box of condoms

and maybe have some lube and like you should also have these swipes because it's going to be way better for everyone involved. Everybody would be happier. I promise you this. this you open them up you swipe it on you last so much longer you're happier because you got to do this position and that you ever you know when you go into sex you're like i'm gonna do this and i'm gonna do that and i'm gonna go over here and we're gonna do this room we're gonna be hanging from the ceiling we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna take a break we're gonna get and then you're like well i i lasted for like a little bit of missionary, and that was it.

Not anymore. You get to play out all your game plan here. You can make it to the second half when you got the Roman swipe. She's going to be happier because it lasts long enough for her to get off. And everyone or him. It doesn't matter who we're talking about here. You know, I haven't thought about that. I guess like lasting long doesn't really matter as much in in uh in gay

sex right well i would imagine it does why not because it's not the same as like you're not really getting you're not gonna like have an orgasm from getting penetrated anywhere yeah guys come from getting fucked in the ass that's where the male g-spot is but just from straight fucking i mean i don't know but if i'm told that the male G-spot is... I saw a tweet about that recently where it was like, God puts the male G-spot in the asshole. Also, God, gay sex is illegal. I never thought you could just come from just like... I mean, I...

Who knows? I don't know. I would bet you can. I would bet you can. Yeah, I mean, I guess I'm sure anything's possible, but I always just feel like that's more... You know, anal sex is more for, like, a person delivering.

I think with women, yes. I don't think with men. I think with men, it's... That's a funny thought that I never had. Like, a guy being like, ah, you came too soon, you asshole. Well, whatever. Son of a bitch!

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that's GetRoman.com slash KFC for $5 swipes. Yo, yo. Hey, guys. What's good? How you guys doing? We're good. That sounds good. Oh, nice. Awesome. Look, man? There he is. What's good? How you guys doing? We're good. That sounds good. Oh, nice.

Awesome. Look at you with your fucking fans. Oh, there he is. Hell yeah. I don't know this movie, and I saw you on Jim and Sam, where they sandbagged you with the whole cast of it. Dude, they surprised me. It took every shred of my body not to start crying.

Do you know this movie, Rad? I don't think I do. I feel like I've heard of it, but I've definitely never seen it. So it's like a 1986 BMX movie. I watched it when I was four, so I think I saw it in like 89, and it just shifted my entire life. I immediately got a mongoose. I was like going off ramps at four and shit.

I like how you had to specify the year. You could have said it's the BMX movie, not the one from 86. Well, there's also everybody who's like, no, gleaming the cube, bro. BMX bandits. Are you a legit BMX guy?

Can you handle yourself on these things? I'm going to break my wrist by the end of the summer. I just bought a 1997 mongoose eBay, and I'm, like, fixing it up. Dude, I'm, like, fully regressing. You know what you're doing with that shit? Kind of. I mean, now I'm, like, going on YouTube and trying to figure out, you know, how to do certain tricks and, like, what parts to buy and all that shit.

I'm, like's so pointless. Did you ever go to Camp Woodward? No, no. A couple of my buddies did though for aggressive inline skating. When I was a little kid, when I was a kid, there's a skate park by my house that all the cool kids hung out at. They all smoked weed and cigarettes and all kinds of awesome stuff. And I was like, I'm going to become a skater so i can do that and i tried to skateboard and i just couldn't so i started inline rollerblading and that was always the dream it was like if we get

to woodward we are the real fucking deal dude yeah i remembered my my buddy arthur in school and he was like he always had the best skates. He always had the newest Jankos. He was just that kid, right? His parents just funneled whatever was cool at him, and he sucked as a result. He went to that camp. He went to Woodward? I've never known someone who went to Woodward.

I was so jealous. I was so jealous. This sounds like the yacht week of kid camps. You know what I mean? You went? You actually went, dude? You went there? You did it? I remember asking my parents if I could go to Camp Woodward, and they were just like,

you can barely roll a plate, dude. No. Yeah. Well, and it was an astonishing price when we were kids. It was like $3,500 for a week which you know for summer camp i think my parents were paying like 500 to 700 for sleep away for basketball right and then they saw that with all the equipment they're like no we're not gonna fucking we're not gonna fund another pipe dream of yours my parents are like dude learn how to drop a half pipe once that's it like don't be

too scared to drop in the half pipe one time, and maybe we'll think about it. Oh, I gave my parents hell because I had all of these. Like, Rockland County, you know, some of the kids are, like, wild. Their parents are really wealthy. So I had a buddy whose, like, dad built him a half pipe in the backyard instead of hugging him. And as soon as I saw that, I was like, I need every ramp known to man. Dude, my town was, we were in Pelham, and we were surrounded by New Rochelle, the Bronx, Mount Vernon. So we had like the rich white kid town and then all the locals in the other towns would just come in and steal all our bikes.

Like everybody's bike was constantly stolen. And we would see them like riding in our town, one guy riding a bike while holding the handlebars of another, just ghost riding it back to town. It was like, well, that's not yours. Either your buddy who was riding with you is dead now or something, or you took someone else's bike. Either way, it's a tragedy. And we were just like, I don't know. We were like, well, we can't fight back. You're going to beat us up or anything. I got to get a new bike, I guess. One time

my bike got stolen from my front yard and my cousin comes over and he goes, I'll get it. And the next morning I woke up and it was back. And I was like, what did you do, dude? He's just wearing a blood-soaked t-shirt. He's like, you're welcome.

I had a mongoose. I'll get it for you. I had a mongoose I'll get it for you I had a mongoose that I loved and it was my first my parents always got me like the shitty bike

and all the other rich kids had the dynos and the GTs and all that shit so I finally got a mongoose and it got stolen

and my buddy at the time you ever have one of those this is a weird random story but you ever have one of those

like coconuts that they turn into a pirate head? So my buddy had just gone back from vacation, and he had this coconut thing. And that's where we were riding bikes, and he had that. And it got stolen, and the coconuts were still there. And my parents thought it was like a calling card, like the Joker leaving a fucking card. And I heard them talking. I don't think it was a cop. I don't think they like called the police but they were talking to somebody they're like

what do you think this means and i was kind of like what are you guys talking about over there like the coconut head it's a clue and i was like get the fuck out of here buy me a new bike please leave me alone that was great we used to like go into the woods and just like machete out a trail and try to build out like our own pump track and i mean i i remember doing it both successfully and then unsuccessfully where we just like went onto somebody's plot of land that they just purchased and then they like chased us off with a rifle overall so it was like where do we live rockland is a weird spot man rockland's like right on the verge of you know it's it's close enough to the city, but you're also going to get some upstate vibes sort of.

It's weird. Yes. Oh, dude, it is. They take great pride here for being 19 miles away from New York City and never visiting. You can't even get there. It's the cultural epicenter. The fact that there's no, like, train from Rockland to the city, like, direct is kind of crazy. You got to do, like, planes, trains, and automobiles to get to Manhattan exactly I mean there's like it's kind of Pearl River has one that

you can take into Penn but then after that it's like Tarrytown so you got to go over the what used to be the TZ bridge and uh you know take it right into Grand Central but you're right there's like nothing direct I used to have to take the bus from Spark Hill when I was still living in Rockland and then doing comedy in the city I was taking the bus every single day from Spark Hill when I was still living in Rockland and then doing comedy in the city. I was taking the bus every single day from Spark Hill into Port Authority, and that was like a true nightmare. Dude, the only thing, the TZ Bridge is... Hang on.

We're talking about the Tappan Zee Bridge, right? Yeah, yeah. Did you ask if it's a TZ, how it's abbreviated? My high school was Tappan Zee High School, and we shortened it to TZ, so I think I just... I had never heard that before. The TZ bridge is just, uh... It's just designed for suicide.

It's just like, yeah, this little bridge, you can get your automobiles over the river, but also you can kill yourself here. Yeah. Well, and towards the end of it, you couldn't really get your automobiles over the river. It was a... I think it's a floating bridge, so they had to, like, displace rocks all the time to just keep it from, like, tipping the fuck over. Like, it was a floating bridge, so they had to displace rocks all the time to just keep it from tipping the fuck over.

It was a truly bizarre engineering thing. Catastrophe. So I had you on because I just watched Timing, and I saw you tweeting about it. I didn't know what to expect. I was like, this fucking guy's in a movie? Not a documentary, like a movie. And shit, shit man it's good oh i appreciate it man thank you very much yeah i mean we shot it for the better part of a decade so i'm glad it at least came out coherent that's funny i uh i mean it's i i can't you know because you're in it Akash, Mike Feeney

you know Tim Dillon like a lot of names that we know and have had on the show so it's weird to see like all these guests that we've had now on screen but I feel like it really captures the essence at least from what I would imagine because I'm not in it the same way you guys are but I feel like it really captures the essence of like New York City comedy

and like the grind and how it fucks with the rest of your life and relationships and whatnot. We get a fraction of that with the blog as far as how it impacts your personal life or whatever. But, I mean, it was some heavy shit. It was funny at times, cute, romantic. I mean, it had it all. A lot of tongue kissing, huh? Yeah.

So what was that like? I mean, is she an actress or is she a comic? No, imagine I'm like, no, we just found her. She's an actress. I think she dabbled in stand-up a little bit. She's like a trained actual actress. Right, I was going to say she's also a musician. She brought it.

She's very good. It feels like that was the actress, Gracie, and then you were kind of like the comic trying this thing out but yeah you know to be on camera with her and she's more like she knows what the fuck she's doing like is that is that awkward or are you just like did you roll with it um i think it would have been awkward if there was a script that was my next question how much was it like you just were kind of riffing i mean it was it was kind of like, so Alex Anderson, the director, he had the idea for the movie, came up with the concept.

He knew what it wanted to look like. It was more in line with his story. A lot of that stuff I went through as well. Like I did Bark in Times Square, you know, all those open mics. I've definitely left my now wife at, you know, holding her dick at like, you know, parties while I went and do it at Five Minute Spot at some shithole bar right like all of that stuff is really uniform across the board but he mostly had like kind of scene ideas and it was super ambitious at first because i think we had like 60 scene changes and we're just gorilla shooting it all over new york and so once we got into a

scene though 100 of the dialogue was made up on the spot. Holy shit. And I mean, it's like, it's that it's real conversations. Like, I mean, it's not just like quick little bits that you, that I feel like you could fly through. That's really impressive because I was actually thinking how natural it sounded. And now that makes a lot more sense that, you know,

it really was like your own words and feelings. Yeah, I think that's how you make somebody like me look moderately capable. You know what I mean? It's like I do podcasts. I do stand-up. So I'm comfortable being in the moment. So when things have to be like created organically on the spot and not me memorizing and then accessing and then delivering that that to me made it a little more authentic that's a great point actually i mean we've never done anything like a movie but anytime i've done like a video or a viral thing like a and i have like a

script or whatever it sounds terrible like i we can't do that at all like whenever i recite lines you can tell i'm reciting lines i guess you probably do that with making a Gambler where it's like you have a framework and then you just run with it. We do exactly the same thing. We have an idea and then we're just like, all right, everything on the spot now because it would look ridiculous otherwise. Otherwise, yeah. Exactly what you're saying. Yeah, I think I'm – I mean I'm a big pothead also, so my memory isn't the greatest. But I – it takes certain mechanisms in my head to, remember things and then try to project them out.

And if I'm doing all of that in my own head, I'm assuming it's not going to look real. Right now. Did your wife see it? And did she see any lines where she was like, I know where that one came from? All of it. All of it. Dude, the fighting scene. I mean, there's a couple of fights, but one of the fighting scenes in the kitchen when she gets this job offer and then I finally leveled up a little bit in comedy and we're arguing and we're arguing. And she just turned to me. She's like, you're not even acting. You're just a good arguer. She's like, I've seen this piece of shit before.

And your wife you've been with since high high school right yeah i mean since on and off since we're like 10 years old we literally grew up next door to each other and she's you know it's it's crazy that she's known me before this was even an idea in my head right and now you know she's like she's totally on board with stand-up acting anything that i'm doing she's she's pumped so So you met when you were 10? Yeah. I met on the blacktop where they lined everybody up to get their buses in fifth grade. So you met like 40 girls in your life and you're like, this is the one.

No, no. So we've each dated other people because that would be psychotic. I was thinking, how am I going to politely navigate the rest of this conversation because I think if you meet and that's it and you go with that person, you're a fucking idiot and a weirdo. Totally, absolutely, mentally ill. Not only – and also I don't want the pressure of being the only penis my wife has seen or accessed. Right. You know what I mean? Then what?

She's just looking out into the world with like, you know, wondering eyes, just seeing what else is out there. It's like, no, you see what else is a good fit and then you come back to me when it's all done. When you're ready to settle, come on down, you know? Yeah, exactly. Once you see everybody else is also a piece of shit,

you come back to them. That's so true. That really is, that's romance right there. I mean, I've had periods where come back that's so true that really is that's romance right there oh and the date around too dude i i mean i've had periods where i i you know i slept with a majority of my high school which also overlapped into my wife's friends so it's like it's just insane she knows everything there is to know about me and the simple fact that there is that transparency with us it's made our relationship that much better yeah i, I feel like true love is accepting.

If you accept me, then I'm a piece of shit. That's true love. Right. 100%. 100%. There's one scene in the movie, and I asked you if this was real. I don't want to spoil it, but at the same time, I think it's such a great podcast bit. So Mike gets approached by this chick after he does a set, and she's like overly into

him, and she's like, let's go back to my place. And she handcuffs him to the bed and starts blowing him, and then her boyfriend comes home and starts screaming at her and they fight. And it turns out this is what they're into. And it's like a cuck situation. And they fuck in front of Mike while he's handcuffed. And at the end, he's like, yeah, man, like, sorry about that. Like, hey, you know, that's just kind of our thing.

He goes to her. He goes to him. I feel bad sending you home with a full bag. You want you wanted to blow you like. And the thought now that I realize all kind of improvised and all impromptu the fact mike's like no i'm good honestly if that was me i would have said yes yeah 100 if that was based on my life i would be like you know what buddy if you could just take a walk down the hall and finish me off and then send me on my way with a clear

head. I don't want to send you home with a full bag. So good, dude. And we had talked after I watched the movie and I was asking how much of it's real, how much it's not. And you were saying you think that it might have been at least based on a real story with the

director? Yeah, I think my director so the director, Alex Anderson, I started comedy with him. Him, Akash, and I all did The Village Underground for the first couple years. We barked outside of it. And, you know, we liked at the time, we likened it to like JV, The Cellar, you know, the junior varsity comedy cellar. It's where we were, you know, just taking reps, getting our asses kicked. Every show was a nightmare.

You know, it was just very difficult. But also, you got to meet some pretty kooky broads. And I have been with my wife since I started comedy. So that, to me, wasn't even on the table. But Alex, the director, especially early in comedy, when he wasn't sober, he was getting into all sorts of shit. That was one of the situations. I feel like comedy, like part of,

I always talk about how when I hear from you guys, it's like you got to start when you're like fucking three years old, right? And I also feel like part of it is doing it early enough that during all your formative years, you are also involved in the comedy world. You know what I mean?

Normal people are not going to, they're going to have their stories, but they're not going to encounter of years, you are also involved in the comedy world. You know what I mean? Right. Normal people are not going to have their stories, but they're not going to encounter weird, like, groupie girls at an open mic who want to, like, fuck you. And I feel like it just kind of feeds the beast of comedy, you know? I think so, too. I think it's a little dicier now, obviously. Yeah, I'm sure. You know, you got to make sure and have them sign a permission slip and all that stuff. But, you know, but I still get it. Like, I'll talk about my wife and my son on stage for a full hour.

And girls will come up to me after being like, so what's up after this? And I'm like, you're trying to ruin my life. You know, you know, and you're OK with that. That's wild. Dude, I told a girl in Dewey Beach beach she was a smoking hot chick came up after me to the like after a headlining thing and she was like overly flirty in my face and i was like listen like you're a terrible person you heard what i just talked about that didn't bother you at all and you're trying to get me to throw away my life so what i can come quick with you but did you say that what you what you say to it yeah oh that's exactly what i can come quick with you but did you say that would you what'd you say to it yeah oh that's exactly what i said brendan sagalow was right next to me and he's like i'll i'll take a

blow job um the the uh like the whole gang that was in it was that um like you know do you have all those guys in mind and you're like let's let's roll let's do it i'm sure everybody was kind of excited to to get involved i mean alex so alex again he he was friends with akash he got all them kate wolf is another comedian she was in it um tim dillon i mean i i was friends with tim at that point already but like i think alex was the one that reached out and tim's part he's such a cocksucker not not to spoil anything but like he's basically degrading me about comedy. And I remember it being so convincing that I was in a bad place for like a week and a half. After that scene, I was like, I know that was a scene, but like that felt so real.

Probably was real. Like made me spiral about thinking if Tim meant it directly towards me personally. Such an unbelievable asshole. It's like a five minute scene that is just like brilliant on his part of how much of a dick he is. Tim knows exactly what to say to get anybody to give up. So in general, the movie is a lot about, you know, he's got this girl and she's got got her own dreams and how do you juggle it and how do you balance it? And I feel like that's something that really only people involved in music or comedy or acting, whatever, you're trying to be like an entertainer, trying to basically chase like a pipe dream can probably relate to. But it's, I'm always fascinated by that because I obviously like, I fucked it all up and didn't handle it well

and didn't like know how to balance it. But I feel like even if you're like successful in doing so, it still sucks, man. I mean, it is, it's not an easy choice. It's hard. I mean, I've had, I've gone through different like eras of myself throughout my career. And like,

initially I made zero compromises. My wife knew that, or my girlfriend at the time knew that like, it was comedy first. I was 100% dedicated to this thing. And like the relationship, although I was super committed to it, it was a periphery thing.

I was like, I I'm so driven. My dad was an actor coming up and then he had kids and he always kind of blamed us for why he didn't succeed in acting which is how you get a comedian but i but i so really you should be thanking him then mike i know no it's a hard honestly it's a hard learned lesson and that's why i didn't get married until I was like 30, 31. Because I was like, I need to make sure that I'm at least relatively established in this shit. And, you know, and I know the direction I'm going before I fully legally commit.

And I have a, you know, a woman that's super ride or die and totally supportive. And I mean, you know, my wife has proven that over and over throughout the years, but it took me growing up and kind of recognizing that there needs to be a balance between like, okay, we can do a night a week where we see each other. And then I, you know, go off and do my horse shit. But like, it took a long time to get to that place and feeling of comfort to allow that, you know? Well, the, I think what's interesting is for this type of job, it is what you make it.

Like, it's not that you have a boss, like, breathing down your neck. It's that you want to be at the show so you don't miss an agent or a big night or a guest spot or whatever it may be. So, like, I think there's a, you know, you always feel internally like, well, if I take a night off i know that i'm not going to get to where i want to get you start to blame yourself you start to blame her and i mean it's like that that internal ambition is is the worst thing in the world for relationships is the ambition totally ambition is the worst i mean if there's ever been a time

that makes you appreciate like makes me appreciate that I did balance it well is during the fucking pandemic and during quarantine because it's like if I threw this away and I'm some asshole that lived by myself in you know a one bedroom in Queens or whatever I'm actually talking about Brendan Zagalow but if I

was if I just threw away my you know my relationship and was 100% focused on comedy and didn't nurture any type of interpersonal connection to anybody, then stand up gets ripped away from me. What the fuck do you have? Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm I'm genuinely grateful that I kind of saw the importance of of this relationship and stuck with it. As someone who spent most of the pandemic with his family, you're not missing much. Like, the other side would have been pretty good. Dude, I was, like, hiding from footsteps.

I could, like, hear things. It was like, give me a panic attack. Like, just someone closing his cabinet. It's like, oh, my God, I'm going to break. I'm going to break. I'm going to break. I'm going to break down if you close that cabinet again. Dude, I feel like I'm there right now.

I just did my first road weekend at Comics Mohegan Sun in Uncasville. How's that? And, you know, it's one thing to perform inside while, you know, you've been fear mongered for the last three and a half months. But it's another thing to then be in a casino where it's like casinos attract the worst type of people anyway. And then you add a deadly pandemic to it. So the hurdle, which, you know, knocks off a percentage of them, then like brings in even more. It was like it was a wild scene to be around, dude. And I was just like, I don't know if I'm ready to be outside yet.

Was it like just tables like way spread out? It's got to be a weird like just looking out into the crowd. It's got to be strange, right? So in the club, it actually it wasn't bad. So they I think we sold out at 25. It's sold out at 25 percent capacity every single night. You know, that is perfect numbers for me. That's what I draw anyway.

But like, you know, it was spread out to the point where it almost felt like the room was full. The laughter didn't roll exactly the same as like a tight compact unit but like you know for the most part it was good what was sketchy was the casino so the casino where you know i saw vegas and they have all those like they have the plastic the plexiglass and all that stuff i mean they took zero of those precautions in connecticut there's like guys wearing the mask over there, you know, whatever, or the shield over their mask. And the shield pulled up like it's a hat brim. Fucking not working that way, guys. Dude, we went down to a casino in West Virginia and that was it was the same thing.

It was like wearing a mask there. Like you could feel the judging eyes like i bet you're a democrat everybody was calling us a bitch with their eyes everybody they're just like each this fucking this libtard sheep had to be a lot better though than uh i saw the video of you doing like in that parking lot i think in uh queens or something driving yeah i mean i'm trying to remember was that they were in cars did they do like the radio thing or some shit. Yeah, the drive-in. Drive-in, yeah. I mean, I'm trying to remember, was that, they were in cars? Did they do like the radio thing or they were just listening to you like over a speaker? Yeah, so they did, that was like a drive-in comedy show at the Bel Air Diner in Astoria, which they're still doing and they're kind of improving each and every week.

When I got there, it was the first time that they did like six chairs up front in front of the car. So everybody else, I mean, it's like 30, 40 cars in this parking lot, all tuned into a radio station to hear you through their car system. And then the six people up front kind of lended a bit of normalcy. So it felt like you were kind of playing to people. But beyond that, it was like a live Zoom event because I'm just watching through windshields and people like kind of delayed, you know, chuckling. And most of them were still wearing masks. So I couldn't even see the expression of joy on their face. It was like it was brutal.

Yeah, that I mean, that is a level of I mean, at that point, you're just hoping to get reps in and shit. Right. You can't even be thinking about the crowd because that's as awkward of a setup as it can possibly be. Right. And most I mostly did it. So I got that video. You know, it's all about content in the quarantine, baby. So, yeah, I'm shooting everything I possibly can. And I'm like, well, if that's if that's going to be the new normal, I want to be the first one to get right about it. It's funny. You see the people who like kind of get it and are going to do podcasts and Internet content and videos. And the people who are just kind of like, if I can't get on stage, I am completely fucked.

Like zero, zero adapting on their part at all is crazy. Yeah, it's it's it's a bizarre thing. And I understand, like the impulse to hang on to what's comfortable and what you love. Because, you know, I mean, comedy, stand-up, I should say, is my number one thing. I'm probably one of the few, you know, there's levels to this, right, where, like, there's obsessive comedians that were totally, their end goal is to be a draw. Their end goal is to be a comedian and tour

and have people intentionally buy tickets to come out and see them. And then there are other comedians that do it as, like, a side hustle. They hope that it'll land them some acting jobs or they can do something else. And it's like, that is never, that's never been my shit. So the, the heartbreak of having to give it up for a couple months is certainly there, but it's like, what am I going to do? Force my wife to pay attention to me? It's like, I got to get this outlet and attention and positive affirmation somehow. So I'm, you know, I'm adapting and trying to put stuff out any way I can. When do you think that you'll be back on stage in front of a full capacity crowd? Fuck, man.

I mean, you know, this weekend, if anything, it's like it's taught me that it might be longer than I feel like we're talking like 2021. Like we chunk into 2021, you know? We had been, before this all started, we had been like working on planning a podcast tour. And I don't know if we're going to do it until 2022. I know. Because we have a job, so we're not going to do it unless it's 100%. We're not going to go in like a 25%. There's no point. 25% for us is like we're learning how to do it still.

We don't have that like addiction need the way comics do. So like we'll do it when we can do 100% or at least like, I don't know, 90%. Right. Which is – Yeah. I bet you we will do it. We may never do this. Yes!

Got the excuse! Isn't that the most heartbreaking thing? It's like you're like, all right, as soon as there's a vaccine and then the first report is like hey vaccine is going to be 40 effective it's like well then maybe never you do have uh the irish goodbye podcast though with feeney um yeah which i i saw the clip the other day uh mike had no idea what smdh meant and what was it And what was the other one? I didn't know. TL, Too Long Didn't Read. Yeah, so Mike's telling a story. Mike Feeney's telling a story.

Wait, what's SMDH? Shaking my damn head. So you're an idiot, too. No, I would've gotten it. Well, that's basically where Mike was, too. So Feeney's telling the story, and he's like, it's long-winded, and he's like, TLDR, Too Long Didn't Read. And Mike was like, oh, that's what the story, and he's like, it's long-winded. And he's like, TLDR, too long, didn't read. And Mike was like, oh, that's what that means.

And everyone's kind of clowning him. And he's like, well, I knew what it meant. I just didn't know what it meant. And I was thinking, like, that's, yeah, like, you could see TLDR and know that means the abbreviated version of a story without knowing the actual letters. Right, that's it. And that's where you're at. And I wonder, I bet you there's a lot of fucking people out there like that.

Dude, one time I was at the doctor's office when I was probably like in middle school when I was in 6th grade right I hung out with the 8th graders I was cool as fuck oh yeah

and um this girl I think her name was Jessica I forget her name but she had written like in a tattoo style font SMB which

she meant suck me beautiful suck me beautiful what a good shout to Stifler. Yeah, exactly. And I was – the doctor was on my hand still. And I was in the room with my doctor and my mother.

And he's like, what does SMB mean? And I immediately, without missing a beat, said, sorry, my bad. And I was like, oh, I'm a good liar. That's when you scared yourself. I was like, boy, I'm a good liar. That's when you scare yourself. I was like, boy, that came really easy. Those moments where you like prove to yourself you're a sociopath. I almost said audition, but I interviewed for like an office manager job when I was just starting out in comedy. And that's what I thought.

I had been referred by a friend's parent that worked at this company and they were like it's just an office manager job super easy nine to five then you get to do comedy at night and the first question they asked me when they were there they were like so you're a max specialist huh and i was like all my life just totally lost the tongue yeah didn't they did i was so confident they didn't give me a test. They were like, all right, we believe you. And then I had that job for five years. And I, like, Costanza'd my way through it. Acted frustrated every time somebody would ask me a question and just did it. I had it one time.

I went to the liquor store with my girlfriend. This was probably, like, 10, 12 years ago, whatever it was. And I wasn't 21 at the time. So what I had was a fake passport. And then I had my license. I'm sorry, not my license. My credit card So what I had was a fake passport, and then I had my license. I'm sorry, not my license, my credit card. Who the fuck has a fake passport besides a spy? It's crazy that I had this, dude.

And someone offered me $20,000 for it so they could sell drugs at Rollins College, and I was like, maybe. It was wild that I had this. That's actually the most responsible thing he's ever done is turn down 20 grand like yeah like that's a lot of money but he had the foresight to be like well this is like full-blown like drug lord conspiracy theory i knew the kid who whose it was like my like girlfriend's sister like dated him and stole it and gave it to me so like it was great like the whole thing was insane it was a real scumbag shit shit me to use it in general but at least i didn't sell it um but anyway so i had

but so i had this i i would have sold it by the way for sure i had this this this fake passport with my real uh credit card and so the the person at liquor store was like this doesn't match up And I immediately had this elaborate story of how I misplaced my wallet. My father sent me his credit card so I could use that. Kevin McAllister over here. Right? And like, as we walked out of the liquor store, my girlfriend was like, you're a piece of shit. It was so easy and so fast.

She was just like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I'm like, I don't know. I'm sorry. You can't expose that side of yourself to the ladies. They will never believe another word out of your mouth. That's the thing. Yeah, it's like, well, now every single thing I'm going to question. Right.

And you should. Yeah, and I agree with that. I don't blame you. What I don't like about myself, a long list, but when I find myself lying about completely ordinary things that are just not necessary to lie about it's like like uh you know where did i get dinner or what did i eat or what it's just like well that wasn't true but i don't know why i said truly compulsive sometimes sometimes my like i just don't remember so i lie and then i remember later and i'm just like should I correct it

or what's the point of it I can't even keep track of my own fibs we were talking to Liz Mealy uh right before this and and she was we basically had a whole conversation about how much you hide of your real self like at all times yes and then part of me starts to feel like I'm like smarter than the rest. Because I'm like, why are you believing this? You guys are idiots. I'm lying to you. It's a weird feeling to have to admit you're a sociopath.

But then it hurts your feelings when you realize they don't care enough to back check. You're like, I'm so good at this. And they're like, no, it just went over my head. I don't give a shit. I didn't catch you because I actually wasn't listening. Because I don't find you good at this. And they're like, no, it just went over my head. I don't give a shit. I didn't catch you because I actually wasn't listening. Because I don't find you interesting at all. I was focusing on my own life.

And then you start thinking about that. Everybody's just lying to each other and telling stories that aren't real. And fucking this world is fucked. It's like the real life internet. Seriously, it is. So any more movie plans? Or was this kind of like a one and done thing to get the comedic story out there or is this part of the plan? So all of this, like everything that I've done from releasing the special independently to releasing this movie independently is just showing it's my attempt at showing people what I can do. So in hopes of getting legitimate work, you know, it's tough for me to even get a fucking audition at this part, even with an agents. So I was,

if they're not going to give me an opportunity to land a role, then I might as well take a role and show that I'm capable of doing it in hopes that that could prove, you know, worthy of like even an audition or an opportunity or an offer. So I would, I would totally do it again, but, you know, it just depends what's on the horizon. It's interesting because whenever people are asking about how they get involved with the blog or the podcast network, whatever,

I always tell them, like, just fucking do it. Like, show me a podcast. Show me a blog you wrote. And you're kind of doing that, but just with a full movie. Like, it's like it was a polished product that you put out but you're using it in hopes to you know showcase so i mean i feel like that's the new way to just like pursue any dream is to just do it and be able to show people like here's an example of me doing it i i hope so at least you know i'm definitely i'm throwing shit at the wall and i'm hoping

anything sticks and you know nothing has nothing has led to like the big breakout moment yet but all you could do is just head down keep working like you know i'm releasing something this week which is a fake documentary about uh this character i created frank rigatone which is a he's a rockland county gym owner that refused to abide by governor cuomo's uh he's the guy like the ar-15 in the bandana yeah yeah yeah yeah governor exactly yeah so we we shot an entire at my in-laws house we shot an entire mockumentary brendan sagalow actually plays mrs rigatone my wife and it's like it's just a preposterous character piece that it's like okay i did i did. I did a special. I did serious acting. And now here's a total character piece that is just off the wall. And it's like, I don't know. You know, I'm just trying things.

Here you go. That's the way, though. I mean, that's that's the people who are still waiting for, like, the formal audition and like the, you know, get in the room and perform. It's just not how it works anymore, you know? Yeah, no, it doesn't. You know, a lot of people, get in the room and perform. It's just not how it works anymore, you know? Yeah, no, it doesn't. You know, a lot of people that get parts have the following already, you know? So their established fan base is what's leveraging their work. So if you can continue to build the following and have people that are ride or die and like your work, then, you know, hopefully that'll lead to more shit and more money.

That's the name of the game, man. Because you got this fucking kid, and they are expensive as shit, dude. It is truly baffling how much this kid costs. It's nuts. Dude, I want to hammer through you. Why do you guys all do this? I don't know. Why do we do it?

Why? It's. Dude, I was talking to my buddy the other day, right? I was texting with him, and his wife and his kid were away. And I was like, oh, man, like, you live in that bachelor life? You fucking just getting fucked up? And he was like, he goes, dude, I go to bed soundly knowing that no one will wake me up at 3 a.m. and 4 a.m. and 5 a.m. and 6 a.m. And I was like, why did you do this?

No one seems to enjoy it. I don't get it. No, you don't. Well, that's funny that your friend even can sleep. Because I, on the road, I'm like, yes, finally I get three days of sleep. This is amazing. And then at 7.30 a.m., I'm like, is that a pure robot?

How old is your kid now? Mike, do you want to know what time I got out of bed yesterday? No, you don't, Mike. 4 p.m. And that was only to go to the bar. That's the idea, is have breakfast at sunset. Yeah.

I got out of bed at 4 p.m. and the only reason was to go drink. That was it. That's the life I lead. at 4 p.m. and the only reason was to go drink. That was it. That's the life I lead. That's depression. That's clinical depression. You know what? I found myself.

We filmed a video a couple weeks ago doing like a hot dog eating contest. And as someone's talking, I'm in the background. And the whole time, I'm just like this. And I realized I'm constantly rocking ever since I had a kid. I can't. If I'm standing on a line, if I'm standing at a bar, watch me. I'm just always. Because for three straight years, I was rocking a kid.

Oh. Like, constantly moving. It's so weird. And I can't. I do it. Like, I don't notice it. I can't stop it. So, like, things like that. I can't sleep ever again. I can't like i do it like i don't notice it i can't stop it so like things like that you

can't sleep ever again i can't stop moving ever again i can't stop worrying ever again my kids slept in the other day convinced they're dead every single time my kids sleep past like five minutes after they're supposed to be awake i and then it's a double ed you know then it's like well do i do i wake them up because i i don't want to i want i would love to lay here and not have to worry about them but i'm also sitting here panicking. They're fucking dead. So I'm not really enjoying myself. So then I kind of do like a little shake and I see them breathe and I run out. It's a whole fucking thing and none of it makes sense.

It's just like stand by me, poke them with a stick to make sure they're moving. Dude, I'm the same way where like I – so I used to take like hundreds of milligrams of edibles and then judge roast battles. Like I just could exist in that world. I could – I was totally fine. This weekend I was taking some edibles and I took like 25 milligrams and I immediately went through a wormhole of how I might die someday. And my son is – like how I have to pass on every lesson that I've ever had to my son and i have to ensure that he knows who i am and all this stuff jesus christ it's uh it's it's a wild trip though are you gonna like this is so far down the road but would you like uh encourage your son to do comedy or like any of that kind of shit

i don't i don't know if i would encourage him like give him the idea but if it was an idea that he had and he wanted to he felt like that was the way he wanted to express himself i wouldn't turn him against it when people are like this job is too hard it's hard it's blah blah blah it's like yeah so is anything you want to be great at. Like if you actually have ambitions to be great or to do what like you're, you know, this sounds cheesy, but like what speaks to your soul, none of it is going to come easy. Even something just alternative, to be honest, like if it's not a nine to five office gig for a paycheck, if there's any sort of passion or, you know, whatever, it's going to be terrible. Yeah. my wife owns her own floral design company, and they crush it. They do huge events for, like, weddings and stuff like that,

but they've also taken a giant hit because of the pandemic, because both of our careers fucking rely on congregating. So it's like, you know, and I watch what she's going through, and it's no different than what I'm going through. So it's like if you truly want to, you know, create something from scratch and make it your own, I think the process is going to be the same either way.

It's weird. I feel like comedy is not an industry where you see a lot of gets passed down. Are there like father-son or mother-daughter? There's some. Dana Carvey's kids do stand-up. The Weyans, obviously.

That was more like brothers as opposed to Some, like Dana Carvey's kids do stand up. Yeah, okay. The Weyans, obviously. I mean, that is like... That was more like brothers as opposed to like passing. But even the son. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I feel like for the most part it might be an industry where, because like if you watch timing, like it's such a grind that I could see people almost deterring their kids from it.

Yes. You don't want to be on this road. And also you need to be sad. So if your dad made, if you succeeded, made a lot of money, your kids probably aren't that sad. Yeah, that's true.

That's a good point. I think, I think my kid might like, so I reacted to my father giving up on acting and then becoming a stockbroker. And my, my initial knee jerk reaction was, okay,

I'm never going to settle for a job in an office like that. I'm going to continue to follow my dreams. I'm not going to let anybody kind of step in the way. And I have a feeling my kid maybe might see what I do as kind of this inconsistent, depressing, dark, sometimes sad thing and be like, well, I'm going to be a fucking accountant. Yeah, I mean it probably all depends and then i could see if you make it like big big that there's there's resentment there for another reason you know what i mean like dad was famous and on the road and like so fuck that it's an interesting one though i i uh you're right though about that it's like you're you're you gotta discipline your kid

right and it's like well do i do this the right way or do i make him a comedian i was talking about that on stage actually where i was like listen like you know i want to do better than my parents but i want to fuck my kid up to be at least interesting at least he's got some jokes in the holster during you know happy hour or something i've seen i've seen all these like little you know, happy hour or something. I've seen all these, like, little, you know, downtown Brooklyn coddled little pussies, and they stink, and they're going to be shitty adults. Dude, how about this? I think I'm officially, I officially can call myself the poor family in my world.

My daughter's friend, he's going for a tennis lesson today, and his parents just offered to pay for Shea as well. 300 bucks to just go do like a one-hour tennis lesson. Just for the day? Yeah, just for the fucking day. Like one lesson, $300. And I'm like, first of all, thank you. That's great.

Does that come with an eight ball? What's that? Yeah, right. What else is involved here? And I'm just like, do I have to? I mean, I really have no interest in her being a tennis player. So do I have to like, hey, do I have to offer this? Luckily, it was through Caitlin.

So I'm like, I don't know. You deal with that. But I would be super uncomfortable. They're like, no, I got this. Don't worry. It's like, well, no. I can pay for my own kid. But maybe we can just meet up afterwards.

I don't know what's going on here. It's a weird fucking world. Yeah, we'll go get a slushie in Cadman Plaza Park. Yeah, so, like, well, yeah, that kid will be the boring kid because his parents paid for, you know, lessons. Yeah, or that kid will be, like, you know, choking rabbits unconscious. Because his parents, instead of hugging him, sent him to a $300 an hour class. I love it, man. All right, well, timing's out on Amazon Prime, so anybody can go catch it.

Like I said, Akash and Tim and Mike Feeney, a whole bunch of other guys in there. It was awesome. It's a very cool indie flick vibe of New York City and comedy. I think especially if you're from here or you do comedy or whatever, I feel like you can relate to it. And even if not, it's just the... Gracie and Mike, man, I feel like you could write a Jack and Diane song about them. Shit.

The ending left me all sorts of emotional, dude. Yeah, and also thanks to the director, Alex, for including every single kiss scene that we ever filmed. My wife was like, so there's just, this keeps going. I was wondering at one point, like you're in bed, and I was like, is my boy about to do like a full-blown fuck scene right now? But no, no, it's all good. That would have made the movie even more realistic, just full penetration. It's great shit, man.

Keep it up. Hopefully you get back on stage. And we got to do Irish Goodbye soon. We got to do a little home and home. Oh, yeah. Love to have you guys. Mike had described it to me as like a storytelling podcast. I was like, I got the boy for it.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We got to get you guys on. All right, man. Thanks a lot, dude. All right, brother. Thank you. Thanks, Mike. Have a good one. All right. Big thank you to Mike Cannon. Everyone, make. We got to get you guys on. All right, man. Thanks a lot, dude. All right, brother. Thank you. Thanks, Mike.

Have a good one. All right. Big thank you to Mike Cannon. Everyone, make sure you go check out Timing. It's a cool little indie flick that I think you'll get a kick out of. Very heartfelt and genuine movie. And now it's time for Camille Kostick. This interview is brought to you by the Barstool Store.

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So go to store.barstoolsports.com and click on the Viva section to get all of our new gear. And Camille, Sports Illustrated supermodel. Let's talk to her. Hi, squad. Oh, what's up, girl? Hey. Oh, you guys are like in the office office. We are back here, yes.

That's awesome. What's up, boo? I wish I was there in real life. This is like my favorite time of year, like doing the New York press tour and then going to Miami and turning it. Wait, are we recording? Because that's good. Yeah.

Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, usually the issue drops and you're like out and about and jet setting and talking that shit, and now you just got to do it from home. Yep, sweatpants on and trying to look like well hey that's a bonus right i would imagine when you're out here uh uh when you're out there doing si tours you got to make sure your hair and makeup and clothes and everything looks si approved at least now you can chill in your sweatpants yeah exactly it's really comfortable what's that where are you i'm foxborough, you're in Foxborough?

Yeah. Rob and I are here. He's not officially in Tampa yet. Soon, but not yet. You're just holding on for dear life, huh? Just squeezing out as much Foxborough as you can. I honestly, I'm an East Coast girl. I grew up in Connecticut, so I kind of like being like,

having the woods and the nature and like the whole not. The beach will be nice, but this feels like home. So I have my friend's pit bull here today. So he's, like, when you hear, like, grunting and growling. Let me see. Let me see. Can we get a little shot of him with the camera? Hold on.

This is Drake. Drake. What a fuck. Look at those eyes. His eyes fogging out. I'll be honest. He's very adorable. I'll give it to you.

I might have said some things recently about dogs. I disparage dogs, but that's a cute one. This is a good dog. Yeah. He's really cute. Rob said if there's no football, that we can have a dog. Well, does Rob think there's going to be no football? I don't know.

No, we really don't know. Yeah. I mean, you know what? I don't trust you though. I've been trying to pump you for information for years and you never give it to me. So I don't know what you're,

I mean, if the football players don't know, then who knows? Yeah. Yeah. I hear you. What would you think? Do you think there's going to be football?

Just as a guest. I think there'll be football. Yeah. I think there'll be football. Yeah. I think there'll be football. I don't. I don't. I don't think there'll be fans, but I think. Oh, definitely no fans.

But I just don't think it's wild. But if basketball and baseball happen. If there's no Sports Illustrated, then how is there going to be football? That's what I'm saying. If there's no SI tour, come on. Football. Who gives a shit? Yeah, we don't have Sports Illustrated to have sports i don't think you saw it yet i you we we you know that you're on the wall but we like framed

it all nice and everything for you now so yeah immortalized uh because it was like starting to like crumple and fall over and shit so we uh we put it in the nice wood frame so that was the 2019 and obviously now it's the 20 edition honestly this feels uh longer than a year ago what does this feel recent or a long time for you um that news feels i mean i don't know i feel i can go back to that feeling in like an instant it was it was like that it's like that moment you know and i don't know if you guys have had this moment in your career. Hey, Camille, we definitely haven't.

I was going to say, you know, when that poster came to life and KFC Radio became a thing and it became so popular. Nope, does not compare. Not even close, Camille. That's very nice of you to even entertain that idea. But no, we've had nothing comparable to the cover of Sports Illustrated.

I mean, you guys are one of the first places I went after that. I know. We appreciate that. Yeah, that was huge. That was actually a sign. That's how I think how surprising and how much of an upset it was that you did get the cover is that you were still talking to us. You guys are my homies. surprising and how much of an upset it was that you did get the cover is that you were still talking to us so this year is like another trio on the cover is that kind of what like they they do is they always have the individual covers but now they're always going to have a group cover as well well i remember i'm sure you guys remember this too uh when they had the triple the triple

cover with um with lily and chrissy teigen yeah and oh that was like one of my favorite yeah that was one of my favorite covers and so it was really that when i saw this cover it reminded me of that one and i was like oh what a moment to be a part of so it was really cool and then it's it's neat too that you know over the years i've looked up to the magazine and i admire the girls from afar and now they're they're like my swim sisters we call it so it's cool to know jasmine personally and olivia and kate and it's like it's just like an exciting feeling for everybody i woke up to watch good morning america and you know i got all the feels all over again for them so you set the alarm oh yeah oh no rob was like what are you doing here i'm, I'm going to tell Kevin something right now real quick.

If you ever get a massive thing for your career, I am not waking up in the morning. And I'll tell you this, I wouldn't expect you to. You can catch it on the DVR, bro. I mean, that's great. It's really nice of you. It's incredibly nice of you. It's almost as nice as thinking that we've achieved something as great as Sports Illustrated.

I'm never going to get over that. You guys know that moment. No, Camille, we don't. How does this year feel? I mean, obviously the cover is the biggest thing, but you're involved in this one anyway. Is there like a drop down? I know you say you're excited for the other girls, but it's got to be a little bit different this time around, no? No, not really.

I mean, to me, getting the cover rookie year is like, at that point, it's kind of like, how does it get better than this? Right, what's next? But honestly, like getting, you're not promised to come back to the issue every year. So it's really one of those things that you never take it for granted. So being secured to shoot for the 2020 issue was like honestly felt like a cover moment all of my moments with a thigh you guys know i like geek out i'm obsessed

every time i talk about it through all the years i've come on in your show like i'm excited each time through the swim search then getting the callbacks making the finals and then became a rookie then cover now i'm still excited to come back as now a vet finally. So right. You're an OG now. No, that one I do get. Cause my high school hockey coach used to tell us the same thing.

You don't make, you're not guaranteed to make the team every year. So I totally, totally level with that. So yeah. So this year is super exciting. And yeah, I'm pumped. You you know i'm now now

we don't get to do the launch in person which kind of stinks but it's cool how we're still doing this they were like you want to go on kfc radio they're your boys they wanted to talk about sign me up no hesitation i'm going so wait you i mean obviously you did all the photo shoot you got that all in before corona i'm assuming, or I mean, I actually went straight from Miami at Superbowl and then went straight to. So that was like, you know, right before, I mean, everything started to shut down around March. So you really like, what, has there been any, any modeling either SI or otherwise during all this, or is everything shut down?

No, everything's shut down. I mean, thank God for this being such a social media driven, uh, like world that we live in now because a lot of I feel like marketing and the new billboard is not even like TV or on the side of the highways. It's like Instagram. Yeah, right. So I definitely have been able to do home generated content for the different. Well, I feel like that's why you're in such a good spot and why SI like has has latched on to you and why I think bigger things are ahead because i think you were pretty smart and savvy about instagram and social media and like i feel like a lot of other girls might just rely on the shoots and they go and and that's

their content and i mean never not dancing the videos the the stories like home lately yeah yeah but honestly that's that's as effective as the magazine is, you know what I mean? Maybe more so because like people can see you every day and maybe it's not the professional photo shoots, but you can get, you know, your Camille fix 24 seven. It's cool. Yeah. It's, it's, it's been cool to be able to be home. Cause it's one of those things that I've always been like, Oh, I really like people want to know, what do I eat? How do I work out? And I finally been able to like, get on Instagram live. I feel like everyone goes live now and like get to kind of connect in that way and because I'm always like on the on the plane and when I'm not working I don't really want to like get online and

you know right right so it's it's been cool to be able to do it do it like that so I actually do have a question about that there was I don't have TikTok so I didn't go follow you on TikTok but there was a story you posted where it was like go follow me on tiktok for the rest of this and it was like bring your boyfriend over and if he laughs at this he's immature oh yeah what was it oh you didn't watch i did because you said you made us go follow you on tiktok and i don't have tiktok i'll do it to you guys okay so keep it straight don't smile yet yet. Keep a straight face. I don't know that.

Okay, so I'll do the TikTok to you guys. All right, so bring KFC radio over. If they laugh at this, they're immature. If they don't, I say they're still immature because boys are immature. So you ready? Boobies. Boobies. I was doing yeah no that works we've always said the problem

there's a problem with boobs and boobies sounds like weird and like like a little kid you know and then like tits is too immature or too like crass and breast sounds weird there's not a good sounds weird. There's not a good word for this. There's not a good word

for boobs. What do you call them in your everyday talk? If you're talking to your girlfriends, what would you say? My boobs. Like this is like the boob shirt. Like it's just my boobs. Yeah, I guess boobs. Yeah, boobies is weird, right? Kids I feel like it's like guys.

Yeah, it's over the top. It's like, all right, that's a little much. It's harsh. It's like a little sexual. It's like, and then, but I feel like breasts is like you sound like you're talking to a doctor. Yeah, yeah, definitely. So just boobs it is, huh? I think we just broke it down.

That's our dictionary. There you go. Definition. Boobs. So you are going to move to Tampa? Is that the plan? Urban dictionary. There you go. Definition. Bobes. So you are going to move to Tampa? Is that the plan? I mean, as of right now, yeah.

I've got a lot of work on the East Coast. It's funny to say that, but I've got actually a couple of on-location situations. So some shoots are starting to happen now, but everyone's masked up, and then I take it off, and I put on the modeling showcase. Rob will head out there next week and then I'll meet him down there when I'm done up here. Are you guys staying with Tom and Giselle? That's what I heard.

Are we staying with them? I mean, he did have a couple of slumber parties. Yeah. How are the slumber parties? How did that go? He walked out of his spot and he did. How were the slumber parties? How did that go? I think they're like, I always ask, like, what did you guys do?

And they're like, we were in by nine. We had really yummy, healthy food. I'm like, well, tell me about it. I'm dying to know. And yeah, he's like, the kids are really fun. The house is beautiful. I think Jeter used to live there. Right. Did you see the viral tweet about that?

Very funny tweet where it was like Tom on the phone asking Jeter if Rob can stay in his house. And then it's like Rob turning the corner in a Yankees robe with a mouthful of ice cream. What'd he say? I didn't see that. Rob turning the corner in a Yankees robe with a mouthful of ice cream. What'd he say? I didn't see that. I do feel like almost anybody else, I wouldn't believe it, but I feel like a slumber party at Tom Brady's house is like, yeah, we ate, you know,

some vegan fucking healthy salad or something. And we went to sleep in like our hyperbaric chambers and we studied game tape, you know? Yeah, they wake up early they and then they go to their they get their practice and then they i think i think there's a pool there i think they do like but instead of just swimming leisurely it's like a workout swim and then they do the treatment i can see that dude i was doing like you know the breaststroke and shit and rob's doing like cannon. Let's make a whirlpool, dude.

Yeah, I feel like I wouldn't want to hang out with Tom. No, I mean, I would like to hang out with Tom when like Tom was like 24, like chugging beers in Faneuil Hall. I don't know if he wants to make me work out while I'm swimming in the pool. Dude, leave me alone. You know what's going to be a sight when Tom Brady retires?

Because I feel like he's going to cut loose. You think so? I do. I don't think so. He's not going to be a sight when Tom Brady retires? Because I feel like he's going to cut loose. You think so? I do. I don't think so. He's not going to be like a maniac, but he'll eat a fucking Big Mac or something. You know what I mean? He's going to have to stop with the craziness eventually. He'd age.

Tom would have one bite of a cheeseburger, and he would age 50 years. It's all been holding up this whole time. The floodgates. He looks good. Everything he's doing is... It's working. Yeah. Definitively. The floodgates. He looks good. Everything he's doing, it's working. Definitively. He doesn't even have to ask questions. It's just so obvious.

He's like 18 backwards. He is. He's fucking Benjamin Button. He's nuts. Has the initial, like I know last time we talked, you were pretty emotional over it because it was all very new, but is it kind of just like it's settled in and now you're going to live in Tampa, it's going to be with the Bucs instead of the Pats, yada, yada.

Yeah, I feel like it's not going to really change that much. I mean, my family is still in the Northeast. And we're, I don't know, we're not getting rid of this house anytime soon. I'm still here. Like I said, over the last seven years, I feel like New England, Boston is like my, my home. They're like my people. I have, I have a lot of business relationships up here, so I'm not running away from here anytime soon. So, and then on top of it, you know, say I get down to Tampa, but I can't even go to the games.

I've got to watch from the TV like everybody else. Oh, that's true. I didn't even think about that. Or your family's can't go to the games. I'm a worker bee and I've got a couple of meetings and some shoots in york and some stuff going on here in boston and um i mean la just shut shut back down again so i'm not even going out to my spot there anytime soon so it's it's it's settled in that he's a buccaneer he wears like some of the their swag around the house and stuff and at first it was weird to not see the patriot head but i'm getting used to it now um i ordered a couple of things so i'm getting a little bit used to wearing the red and black and white color and stuff but as far as the move i'm not really

running away anytime soon are your family uh members are they bucks fans are they sticking with the paths or what like where's the line of of loyalty it's like all right you're you're with him so you're gonna have to like root for them but would your mother your brother your sister your father do they transfer over or do they stay with the Pats? Well, it's so interesting because my dad actually, before I became a Pats cheerleader, was rooting for the Giants. And then, of course, I was getting him front row tickets to come sit in lots of games.

And then he, of course, wanted me to go to the Super Bowl, so he was rooting for the Patriots in the Super Bowl. So during the preseason games, like, he was always torn. I was like, I'm rooting for Camille on the sidelines, but I really want my Giants to win. But then he became a Patriots fan. Rob started sitting down at our dinner table, and he's got signed jerseys, and

every Christmas, he's got new gear and stuff. He's a Patriots fan. My whole family's Patriots fan, but now I'm like, what do we do? What are you guys going to do? And they're like, well, when Rob plays, we'll root for the Bucs, but other than that, we'll root for the Patriots. Yeah, I think that's fair.

I don't think you can. I'm doing the same thing. I root for both teams. Yeah, he's an asshole. Honestly, same. But you know what? I feel like. I've said that and Kevin gets so mad about it.

I root for like three teams now. I have so many NFL teams. It's crazy. But Camille's in love with a guy. And like, so are you. So am I. I'm in love with Tom Brady. It's basically the same thing.

I always forget. Who's your team, Kevin? I'm a Jets fan. You even said it like... I know it. I'm very aware. I even thought though, I do think Sam Donald's going to be good. I think there's a little bit of an opportunity and then Cam Newton comes back and I'm sure he'll

be a fucking MVP candidate. And it's just like, well, never mind. Close the window again. That video of him smoking a cigar. That outfit. Feidelberg is obsessed with the Cam Newton aesthetic. Because I just like. Oh, my God.

Yeah. You must love his swag and his hats and all that. Oh, Camille. Yeah. It wasn't like a scarf. Something was tied around his neck. He had a sweater tied around his hats and all that. Oh, Camille, yeah. It wasn't like a scarf, but something was tied around his neck. He had a sweater tied around his neck. Was that what it was? Unbelievable.

Like, what I do, like, what I can do is judge attire. I can't judge, like, quarterback play. Like, what the fuck do I know about playing quarterback? You know what you should do? I feel like you should be one of those people, like, not a blogger necessarily, but when he has an outfit that you love, like, you should do, like, the falling on a budget version and do the split screen situation. That's a good idea.

That's a good idea, Camille. Camille, here's the deal. I'm going to definitively steal that idea. Here's what we'll do. We're going to steal that, and we're going to give you zero percent. That fight over trying to be like Cam Newton. Grab the hat. The hat's right there.

That's a start. Oh, that's that Knicks hat? That's the Knicks hat, yeah. I mean, Cam is like the king of hats. He's the king of... Is he wearing a turtleneck? Is he what? Wait, are you wearing a turtleneck t-shirt? No, it's just like a gator, like a mask thing. Oh, oh, I was

like... But, but turtleneck t-shirt is an idea. That's something Cam Newton would wear. Um, I got a question for you, Camille. The, uh, do I look good? First of all? Yeah. I really like the hat.

I've always liked the hat. Okay. Thank you. Uh, second of all, you, I remember the first time you came on, um, and you were telling the story of one of your rookie photo shoots. It was like, you were like topless in Bali or something. Oh, just, yeah.

Another thing we can definitely relate to. Um, do you have any fun stories from this one? Where were you in this one? I was in the, I was in the Dominican and trying to think it's so, that was like the first time that I ever was on an on location shoot where we were just like on this private island and i had to like change in the the palm trees and everything else i was explaining to you i like stripped down naked it was like ah i'm shooting for a

side but now it's so normal so i feel like those moments happen but it's like now it's getting normal then you just kind of change behind a tree someone put the towel up you do things so i mean i was still just excited to shoot but i'm trying to think of anything like uh at the end of the shoot I was it was a couple couple of the last shots it was golden hour the sun was setting and there was this little girl who kept kind of getting in the background of the shots and so we'd have to like move over a little bit or whatever but she was sitting there and she was just like admiring what was going on and she was so excited and it turns out I forget where she was from but it was it was from another country and she had like this. And it turns out, I forget where she was from, but it was from another country and she had this beautiful accent.

And I would have to say maybe she was like seven or eight years old and she came up in the middle of shooting and she was like, are you Camille? And I was like, yeah, but we were the Dominican. Like, it was like, what? And she was like, I know exactly what you're doing. You're shooting for Sports Illustrated.

So she was like, I love you and this is so cool. And I was like, you guys. So like, she came up and we took like a big break and I was just talking with her. And she was like I love you and this is so cool and I was like you guys so like she came up and we took like a big break and I was just talking with her and she was like can you follow me on Instagram and all this stuff

so I followed so I after the shoot I ended up following her and yeah I keep in touch with her but it's so cool because I have a dad

yeah I have behind the scenes photos and it's she's like this little girl floating in the water and it's me just like you know being all like

in the moment sexual posing and she's just like back there and I was like that would so be me if that was or or heidi klum or someone shoot i would have been like that's honestly i feel again that's like the difference with you and and like other models i feel like you'd be the type like come over here let's talk let's i'm surprised you didn't like put her into the photo shoot she should be on the cover with you. You know? Yeah. Right. I should see that. Like, that's, that's the difference in the way you,

you operate. Cause I do think that at least in the past, there's, you know, an air about models that they're kind of like on a whole other, they're on a pedestal and they're pretty and they're special. And I feel like you just kind of like normalize it, if you will. Oh, thanks. Yeah. I mean, we're all human beings you know no matter what you do i mean even celebrities you can't even be a celebrity without having man like yeah yeah be close to your people i don't i'll never understand that so are you um are you cool with chrissy teigen do you have like interaction with her or is that just like a better yeah

really really wow i thought by now you guys would be doing like dinner parties and shit, to be honest. Chrissy, if you're watching this, I'll like give you my cell phone number. Here, just read it right now and then we'll keep this video. Yeah, that'll be fine. Just put out your number now and Chrissy will see it. No big deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I could see like a little like a double date, Chrissy and John and Rob and Camille.

That would be really fun. Yeah. Actually. I'd very much and John and Rob and Camille. That would be really fun. Yeah. Actually. I'd very much like to hear Rob and John talk. I almost feel like Chrissy and Rob would be more. Yeah. And I feel like you and John would hit it off. That's fine.

Yeah, pretty much. No, I actually, I'm a huge fan of Hannah Dieter. She's actually from the Virgin Islands, which is where my mom grew up. And so we kind of have, whenever we link up or we run into each other, I actually was the catcher with one of the rookies. And she threw me, threw me up the first pitch. And then after that, we got invited up to go see Hannah Jeter,

who was with Derek up in the suite. And so we went up there and Hannah was when she heard that Rob was getting a spot in Miami and stuff. She had said to me, you know, the four of us should go out sometime when you come in town. And I was like, okay, my lucky number is two because of Derek.

I am a Yankees Patriots fan. Oh, no. You guys already yelled at me about this. I'm remembering now. I'm remembering as well. Then I loved Hannah, and I was like, that would be super, super fun for the four of us to go out. Then I went home, and I was like, Rob,

hurry up and move to your Miami spot. I just love the Tampa situation. But I was like, Rob, hurry up and move to your Miami spot. I just didn't want a Tampa situation. But I was like, because we've got priorities. Double date with Hannah and Derek. Yeah, you need like Rob and Camille, Hannah and Derek, Tom and Giselle, Chrissy and John. Just go out and have like a little quadruple date. I mean, that's a wrecking crew. Yeah, that's a squad right there.

And Ryan and Blake. Sure, throw them in. We got to put that in there. And Ryan and Blake. Sure, throw them in. I just, we gotta put that in there. Ryan told me one time that he really wanted to meet Rob, and I said, I really want to meet your wife. So he said... There you go, a little trade-off.

I'm gonna go to lunch alone. You know, after this. No, like, I'm literally gonna go to lunch alone. I'm gonna go to Subway. Okay? You guys are gonna get, like I'm literally going to go to lunch alone. I'm going to go to Subway. Okay? You guys are going to get like Michelin star lunch together. I'm going to get a footlong by myself wearing it. And there's $6 now for some reason.

God, I just got to get pretty and rich. How do you get pretty and rich, Camille? I don't know. I'm like working on it. I don't have that equation yet that's why I love you well uh what's the latest outside of just taking pretty

pictures are we doing more movie content are we auditioning or what's actually when I talked to you I haven't talked so many times but that Ryan Reynolds movie guy was supposed, was supposed to have come out. Oh, right. Yeah, that's pushed.

Yeah, December 11th. What is it, September 11th? December. December 11th. December 11th. Okay. And what else is going on? I mean, it's weird because I feel like a lot of stuff just pressed pause,

so it's like a weird holding pattern for a lot of people. Yeah, actually, during COVID, it's like a weird holding pattern for a lot of people. Yeah. Actually, during COVID, it's almost been like an everyday project now. I've been hoping that it was going to start to get a little bit quieter. But I hopped on the board with this company that I was going to start a clothing line in L.A. with. But now we've transferred and moved everything over and prioritized it to manufacturing masks called Get Behind the Mask. And every day we're sourcing masks to new states and new places. And now we're talking about getting them into schools. At first it was the hospitals and now hospitals are starting luckily to slow up a little bit with needing the

masks. And then it started moving over to homeless facilities. And now we're getting them into rehab facilities and nursing homes and learning about getting them into dental offices. Because now the businesses are up and running. The masks seem to be the, one of the biggest things to help the spread. So that's mostly what I've got in my hands and outside of taking photos from home. That's a lot.

Like everyday thing. Yeah. I mean, I remember I had texted you about that. That was early. Like you guys were on the mask thing. It was March right away. I can't even believe it's already, you know, end of July and we're still, still having to. Still not enough. It's still, yeah, it's nuts to me that, well, it's crazy that some people don't even want to wear them. But even if you do that, it's hard to get your hands on them and the right kind and the right place.

It seems like something that would be an easy fix, but I guess it's not. So good on you for trying to help that. I don't know what, like schools is so weird. I mean, I got my two kids and I'm like, I mean, I want them to go to school, but they're also so young that I'm like it's not really that important yet. So why risk it? And should they wear masks? My son

is about to turn three on Saturday. Oh, I didn't know that. And Shay is four and a half. She'll be five in December. Oh, they are so young. Yeah, they're babies. Yeah, I mean, trying to do Zoom school with Keegan was just like, this is silly.

What do you even teach a three-year-old in Zoom school? You can't. That's the thing. I mean, what can you teach them in real life? It's basically babysitting, and then they sing sing a song or whatever so john's my third kid we uh i've been trying to teach him over zoom but uh yeah all my kids like i'll have to get in the present like that was like the key like are you uncle like yeah he's uncle fights sure i get to be fun uncle it's easy It really is more like older brother. But yeah.

Well, that's awesome. I mean, it's great that you're, you know, giving back and doing good stuff with the masks and whatnot. So yeah. Well, congrats on everything. And being in the issue again, I feel like it's going to be, at what point do I like stop saying congrats? Cause I think it's going to keep happening. You keep saying you don't take it for granted, but yeah,

I feel like you're just, you're in for life oh yeah so we'll see all right well i promise forever grateful but uh the issue hits dan schleich 21st okay everybody go out get all three versions of all three cover girls what day do you think it is right now yeah well today's wednesday but i don't know when the 21st is but like what day like what date do you think it is right now yeah well today's wednesday but i don't know when the 21st is but like what day like what date do you think it is i would not have guessed the date oh today's date yeah july i was gonna say the 11th 15th yeah okay yeah good job i just happened to look and i was like oh didn't think it was the 15th. Not even close. Did you do your taxes, John?

I literally had something on Friday, and I know it was the 17th. I had to do it backwards, or I wouldn't have known. I did my taxes. You did your taxes. Did you do your taxes, Camille? I feel like people just forgot to do taxes this year. Well, I mean, did I do my taxes? No.

But are they getting completed? Are my taxes done? Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. I don't understand. Right. All right, girl. Thanks so much. Say hi to Rob rob for us and we'll talk to you soon all right i will see you guys thanks bye girl

i got 99 problems and they out bitches wish i was digging man carefree living but i'm not sean or martin louis i'm the cleveland nigga rolling with the Brooklyn boy You know how I be when you start livin' large I control my own life, Charles was never in charge No sitcom could teach Scott about to drop Or even explain the troubles that haunted my mom On Christmas time, my mom Christmas grind Got me most of what I wanted, how'd you do it, mom? She copped the toys I would play with in my room

I myself, why he by himself? You got two older brothers the brothers one hood one girl The independent older sister kept me flying when she could But they all didn't see the little bit of sadness in me Scotty, I've got some issues that nobody can see And all of these emotions are pouring out of me I'm bringing them to the life in you It's only right This is the soundtrack to my life

The soundtrack to my life I'm super paranoid, like a sixth sense Since my father died, I ain't been right since And I tried to piece the puzzle of the universe But split a eighth of shrooms just so I could see the universe I tried thinking about myself as a sacrifice, just to show the kids they ain't the only ones who up at night The moon will illuminate my room and soon I'm consumed by my doom Once upon a time nobody gave a fuck, it all said and done, and my cock's been sucked So now I'm in the cut, alcohol in the womb

My heart's an open sore that I hope heals soon I live in a cocoon opposite of Cancun Where it is never sunny, the dark side of the moon So it's more than life, I try and shed some light on the man Not many people of this planet understand I've got some issues that nobody can see And all of these emotions are pouring out of me I bring them to the light for you

It's only right This is the soundtrack to my life The soundtrack to my life I'm not supposed to go on trying some coke Ain't that happy ending if you slitting my throat? Ignorance to coke, man, ignorance is bliss Ignorance is love and I need that shit If I never did shows, then I'd probably be a myth If I cared about the blog, then I'd probably be a jackass

Don't give a shit what people talking about, fam Hate to shake my hand But I keep the sanitizer on deck Hope I really get to see 30 Wanna settle down, stop being so flirty Most of the clean faces be the most dirty I just need a thoroughbred cook when I'm hungry Ass all chunky, brain is insanity

Only things that call me down, pussy or some Cali treat And I get broke, never truly satisfied, I am happy, that's just a saddest lie, I've got some issues that nobody can see, and all of these emotions are pouring out of me, I bring them to the light for you It's totally right, this is The soundtrack to my life The soundtrack to my life To my life, to my life To my life, to my life

To my life, to my life Yeah, uh-huh Yeah, uh-huh Yeah, no-huh, yeah, uh-huh Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah