KFC Radio - CCK Podcast: A Zillion and One
Episode Date: February 17, 2020The week that was in the phenomenon of that is #ZillionBeers. Tom Brady is in on the Zillion Beers movement but might be out on the Patriots. Joaquin Phoenix is not a fan of milk. The only guy who mig...ht drink more beers is the director of Parasite. Will Jared interview the Astros in spring training? Feits jumps on the Astros bandwagon. Pond Hockey drama.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr
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Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!
Oh.
Kevin!
You're just ridiculously stupid.
Welcome back! Welcome back! Welcome back!
Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! Is this Kevin? Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Is this Kevin?
Welcome back.
Oh, yeah, man, how you doing?
You good?
I know you like that.
I know you like that.
How long you been back?
Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.
I see big girls in the corner.
It's a Monday.
A dreary, cold, rainy Monday. It's raining? Yep. It's gross outside. It's a Monday. A dreary, cold, rainy Monday.
It's raining?
Yep.
It's gross outside.
It's terrible outside.
Everybody is miserable to be back at work.
I'm fine.
I'm okay.
Yeah?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Well, you guys must have not drank a zillion beers then.
I didn't drink at all.
You must not be.
Yeah, Jared, you're not living that zillion beers life.
I'm really not.
Everybody living a zillion beers life right now is just thinking about getting out of work and getting back to the beer.
Dana was here at fucking 7.30 this morning.
Well, listen, that's because he's not living the zillion beers life.
He invented the zillion beers life.
He's the zillion beers king.
Yeah.
So he'll be here at 7.
I live the zillion beers life.
I'm all right.
Dana was blowing up my mind.
You're like a trillion beers life case.
You're not a zillion beers life.
Yeah, that's true.
I wasn't just like in the shower smoking cigarettes.
I mean, that video.
The shower cigs is the funniest thing in the funniest thing and he was trying so idiotic he was trying to promote the fact that we were making the girls merch look at him i mean it's been incredible watching the transformation
from like the quiet shy camera guy to joe dirt and like well honestly that i mean not even a year and
a half that might be his downfall on that because that's where – I guess this is where it all started and why Dave put him on the clock is because he doesn't like behind-the-scenes people turning into content.
I mean, all of our behind-the-scenes people try to get into content.
I know.
And many fail.
And the ones who do succeed, Jared, it's like you can't cage a songbird.
You can't put Dana B in a box.
You can't tell him he's just an editor.
You can't tell him he's just a cameraman because he's more than that he is more he's a king i mean but here's
the thing is he's still got a little bit of the the nervousness in him because we had to shoot a
swipe up this morning uh for the girls merch and i grabbed a beer and i was like i'm gonna pop this
open and drink it he goes no no he can't do that i was like what do you mean it's the whole point
of the whole thing he was like dave got mad that i'm like drinking too much in the office i was like what does that
have to do with me and i was like what does that have to do with me and he was like just please
don't pop it so i waited till the camera started rolling and then i popped it like right in his
face started drinking it and he's like you cannot walk back over to your desk with that in your hand
dave will get mad and i was like dave's not gonna get mad at me as always we ran into this with
saturdays for the boys too and a lot of things with, like, Feidelberg along the years.
Dave's not a big drinker.
Like, he's not, like, when Feidelberg, like, slept through, you know, kickball because
he's hungover, Dave does not have any sympathy for that.
And nor do I.
I mean, I feel like if you're going to drink, you've got to get up, you know.
What's the stupid phrase if you're going to, something like if you're going to party with
the blah, blah, blah at night, you've got to sing with the birds in the morning you know dana was doing that so as long as you can handle
your shit but when you don't and and your boss is someone who isn't you know uh the type to just go
drink all night long and he doesn't have any sympathy you know it's like i can be like oh man
listen we've all been there you know i've slept through something in the past too when you haven't
done that and you're not that much of like a of a of a hardcore beer guy you know the sympathy's not you know you got to be very
careful you gotta try lightly here dana all weekend i mean i didn't see him all weekend
other than on social media i thought he was gonna die maybe but i will but i i never thought that i
never it wasn't like there was videos of him being like fall down drunk he was always just doing his
thing he doesn't slur his words he doesn't like get to the point where it's like, oh, this is cringy.
He kind of just gets hammered and can still function.
I didn't even know he was drunk. Whereas during the parade,
I was shit-faced, slurring my words,
and fighting with Dave.
Literally was fighting with him.
If that was Dana on Monday,
it'd be problems.
But Dana also actually drinks.
That's the thing.
Jared got hammered on the parade because he doesn't drink like that. Dana actually drinks like that all the time? It's be problems. But Dana also actually drinks. That's the thing. Jared got hammered on the parade because he doesn't drink like that.
Dana actually drinks like that all the time?
It's very similar.
I'm going to stand up for Dana B here.
If there's going to be some movement pushing back on Dana and his ability to do the work and live the social life,
well, I don't want to have any ricochet shots or drag anybody else into this.
There are plenty of other people here who are making their brand about drinking and who are
not hearing a peep about it right so if once a week comes and dana wants to make like a drinking
celebration part of his brand if that's gonna be a problem there should be problems for a handful
of other people here who don't don't get any smoke dana may or may not have walked into dave's office
this morning very early and like cracked a beer in his face probably not great i think he learned is not the way to do this right
um but to his credit i mean he was i woke up yesterday morning and he had texted me like a
couple of hours before was like hey can we work on the saint patrick's day girls merch because
the day before we had done the zillion beers for the girls merch so he was like immediately waking
up on saturday morning or sunday morning thinking about this he's trying to to tow the line of like content and real life and
it's a hard one to navigate when you're first doing it but your boss is dave and and so you
know you think it's a good idea to go drink a beer in the boss's office and then you realize it's not
you know that's where i think he's got to learn but otherwise you know there are people who are
you know drinking at all hours drinking all sorts of drinks and doing all sorts of things.
And it's not a problem.
So let's just be consistent here before we shut down one of the greatest revolutions that the website's ever seen.
Well, he can't shut it down now.
He gave him the opportunity to get it shut down on Friday and he just dunked it right in his face.
Would you have how would you have negotiated the situation, Rocket?
I would have taken like the $10, would have taken the $10,000.
The original $10,000.
He messed up that first one, but then once it was $25,000 for $250,000,
would you have taken that?
Yeah, I said this on Twitter, and it was so accurate.
I felt like I was watching Deal or No Deal all weekend.
That's what I felt like Dave was running the game show,
and Dana was just not doing what I thought I would do.
I think I would have kept with the $25,000.
Because $25,000 in cash is a lot.
Especially for somebody like Dana.
Like Dana is still very young, like brand new.
I mean, I don't know exactly how young he is.
He feels like he's really young.
He's not as young as you think.
But $25,000 for anybody in cash.
I mean, I don't care who you are unless you're Dave.
Like that's a lot of money to just be handed in cash.
The million thing, i don't care who you are unless you're dave like that's a lot of money to just be handed in cash uh the million thing i don't know i i feel like that's way too high what he did was he went a little he flew a little too close to the sun i guess i think well
here's the thing i've always been uh you know breaking news alert spoiler alert i'm always
pessimistic but i feel like i've learned my lesson when it comes to pessimism of Barstool over the years. Every time we launch something or did a new event or show,
or we worried about ticket sales or merch sales, like inevitably, undoubtedly every single time
Barstool seems to beat what I thought we were going to do. So it's always easier for me to do
it for other people. Like if it was my brand, I'd be
like, well, let's see. I don't know what's going to happen. But when I look at from the, from a
distance of the young, still active and social and partying demo barstool, like that, that's the
biggest and strongest that we've got. So if there's ever a place to put your chips in the middle,
it's when you're dealing with those guys, you know, like if I was doing something
for like the pod father or something, I'd be like, all right, you know, there's a lot of parents out there, but they're not the guys who are going to rally around this.
He has the guys who are young, dumb, stupid, want to be a part of something big.
So spring break is coming up.
That's what I say is coming.
When I was texting you on Saturday, talking about the girls marching, like it feels like more like a guy's thing.
I just tweeted at Dana, just kind of like tongue in cheek, like, i get a crop top and just immediately girls were like yeah do it do it do
it i'm like so it's not even just like it's a guy's thing for sure saturday for the boys and
then the girls get it like get in with the fun as well because you're a girl on spring break and
you show up in a zillion beers crop top the guys would be like oh you know i mean it's this whole
thing yeah um but a million dollars is still insane yeah it's like he i think this morning
that's what he was like at 380.
So what he should have done was done like 750 for 75.
That would be very attainable.
Yeah, but that I feel like he'll, like the worst case scenario is probably unfortunately
like a likely one now is you get to like $987,000 and you got nothing to show for it.
And it's still, it's the next Sunday?
Unless it is one million on the dot or more, Dave is not going to be like, hey, listen.
He didn't make it, but great work.
Well, that's the reason the Dave video of him, which by the way, I don't think he got one drop of beer in his mouth.
Both beers just on either side.
But that was the whole thing where he was like, I want to give Dana the 10K.
I can't do it.
I can't give him the 10K. He didn't do it. I can't give him the 10K. He didn't do it.
So you know he's not going to.
But I mean, that video of him drinking
the beer was very funny. Like, it's just
going down the sides of his... He just poured it down on
each cheek. With his hat on.
That was, like, I watched
that video and I was like, Dave still got it.
I was like, Dave still got it.
Because the amount of people who were would be like, you didn't
even chug it, dude. And I'm hammered yeah but he on a friday when he was talking about just the deal
that they were making like after radio he was like every time i've tried to have people do this like
they fail miserably like he really believed that dana was not gonna hit 30k oh yeah no no he 100%
like this is the perfect example of when Dave loses, he still wins.
And then you get people going like, well, no, he knew this all along, and he was just setting it up.
He did not.
Anytime Dave has challenged somebody to do this, he not only does it fail, he wants it
to fail.
When he did pay Smitty, he wanted to prove that Smitty doesn't have enough people to
rally.
When he did, I think he did it with Rico Bosco, he wanted to get back in line you need me more than i need you and this is going to prove it
so he's very happy to be proven wrong but he would have been just as happy to be proven right and
like yeah the money in this pocket's nice but the dude's got unlimited money now as you know
direct quote and what would be more fun for him would be to break the back of a young lion who thinks he's going to take over the pride.
Especially Dana.
Get back behind your computer.
Because he's been so hard with him.
During the college football show, Dana was running a camera.
And Dave, every once in a while, would be like, hey, how does it feel to know that you used to be my guy?
You were going to be the next Frankie.
And now you're just some shitty camera guy on the sh shittiest camera and it was like dave like there
are other camera guys in here why are you well you just i think dave saw maybe deep down that
dana was meant to be more than just a cameraman we know that dave wants a guy who doesn't overshadow
him in any way or cut into his shine and any even even the smallest of shreds and maybe he saw
that dana's just got that it factor.
The mullet is just too much.
It's not enough, Casey.
It's not enough.
He needs to go full denim vest.
He has to now
because it's a Bud Light thing too.
It's Budweiser as well.
But if you talk to Dana, he's so
nervous about things and he's calm.
He's a golden retriever.
And now he's walking around like
Jared's a cock of the fucking walk.
Joe Dirt. He's got Tom Brady wanting
to see merch now. Crazy.
I mean that's the thing is
the time constraint is a bit of a concern
but
I mean I said it before and I'll say it again.
This is how like Saturdays for the Boys started the role
because once you do get a franchise
or a player or even just a
big Twitter account or some likable
personality, yeah, you get
the right guys in.
Even just stupid things.
We talked about the Shooter McGavin
parody account last week. Guys like that.
Anybody who
has a little bit of a following, I feel like
can
take that.
That's where you can go from a million to like 10 million.
But that takes time.
And you have to keep...
And the merch has to get out for people to wear.
And then things snowball and multiply
and go exponentially.
What do you think Welker's doing on this right now?
It's like, hey, by the way,
we just put a couple of shirts on sale.
We sold about like $650,000 worth of them.
So if you can just fire up the t-shirt machine real quick.
I texted Allison this morning.
I was just like, because like one, I know that, you know, you just made us like a company,
a ton of money.
And because two, I know that not even one person has probably thought about the merch
side of things.
Just thank you for this because everybody just thinks that merch just appears
magically and ships magically not realizing that when you do this,
like they,
like they just unexpectedly had a black Friday on their hands.
They,
they prepare for that weekend,
364 days and they need every minute to make sure everything runs smoothly.
And then all of a sudden,
like out of nowhere on a fucking February weekend,
they had to do it just as big. She said, I was talking to her yesterday and she said that Dana
is by far the most contacted person in her phone. Like for a very long time. She was like, even more
than Dave. She said, I did not have one sip of alcohol on Saturday and I'm incredibly hungover.
I can only imagine. Cause even just like the small, small, small amount that I was doing with
her, I sent back so many times. I was like, can this try that she was like dave's trying to do it too
and i was like listen get to me whenever yeah get to me whenever like i am like so far down on this
food chain with this but you need to sleep as well and she was like i can't like i'm so hung
over without any alcohol sleep when the zillions she's got a zillion beers hangover without drinking
one beer what a i feel like an asshole for putting in two shirts over the weekend.
At one point I was like...
I'm going to strike while the iron's hot though.
There's going to be people in the store.
There's going to be traffic.
I got my Freecora shirt and the Mookie Wood shirt.
Mookie Wood? What's that?
Hollywood. Mookie Wood.
So now we're just Dodgers fans, huh?
Brewers out, Dodgers in?
No. I'm just going to support Mookie in his one year
in LA before he comes back to Boston. You seem
pretty confident about that. I feel good
about it. It doesn't make
sense, but it makes sense. It seems
it's far-fetched, but the
idea of let's get
in position so that, forget about
signing you for one year, let's make sure we sign
you for a billion years.
A zillion years. Speaking of saying in Boston, you had a change of heart today i don't think tom brady's
staying anymore it's incredible the change of heart you have zach can you go to uh my my twitter
account i quote tweeted uh ian our guy ian rapaport this quote from rapaport has breakup written all
over it it is i was stunned by this stunning The look on your face when you listen to that.
And I was playing music.
So I saw the look on your face.
So I immediately paused my music.
I was like,
whatever Kevin's about to say,
he has had a change of heart.
I was like,
am I hearing this wrong?
Am I listening to this wrong?
This,
I thought like all of,
from day one,
the banter of him leaving,
I thought was silly,
but whatever.
It's fun to just like,
you know,
it's the off season.
We got to do something.
Talk about him in a cowboy's uniform.
Right.
But this was like a very real life, tangible explanation that always ends in separation.
There was a pretty good reason that owner Robert Kraft and Tom Brady have worked closely on several deals in the past.
There's a reason why the option was to allow Brady to test free agency, to not get franchised, to not get transitioned, just to have a clear path toward free agency. And from what I understand, Kraft's
thinking on this was basically if the sides came together, if Brady decided that the Patriots
were his best option after testing free agency, and if Bill Belichick, who of course is making
the decisions for New England, if he decides that Brady is his best option at this price, then in the end, after all of this, after going through everything, that it will mean that it's basically meant to be and that it's the best thing for all sides.
They wanted them to get apart, to see what's out there, and try to come together in the middle.
That's high school.
That's high school when you say, I love you, babe, but I have to experience
life and I want to see what else
is out there. And then if it's meant
to be, I'll come back to you. Get the fuck
out of here. I think that's another way around. I think that's like
if you're dating someone
and they're super taking advantage of you
and you treat them great, you're like,
go see what else is out there.
Go see if anyone else is out there.
So I think Bob Kraft would have said,
you have to take Brady back.
Right.
But he needs Bill Belichick to see the light.
Kind of like what you're saying.
But he needs Bill Belichick to say,
all right, you let me test for agency.
I've looked at the talent and the money that it costs,
and I have determined you're right.
I'm on board with this now.
Brady's the best option.
Brady gets to go out there and and get wooed and he gets to decide that new england treats him the
best but that sounds like this is a last ditch effort to me by like bob craft like like he if
he wanted to he could flex i'm sure as the owner and say this is what's going to happen but he
wants to do it in a way that everybody sees the light. And in order to see the light, he's got to like tempt fate a little bit and like go to the brink and make
sure everybody realizes it's,
it's not,
it reminds me of each other.
Yes.
It reminds me of hall pass the movie hall pass.
The wives all give the husband's hall pass and then they don't use it
because they were like,
all I wanted to know was that like,
you know,
I could,
or I still got it,
but I don't want to,
but that's
that's not that doesn't work that's not real life those are movies when when you go on a break you
don't come back you end up going oh this is great that i get to fuck other people and i don't have
to deal with all the things about that relationship i don't like i'm gonna stay single or i'm gonna go
to this new one the idea that everyone's gonna have the aha moment when there's other suitors
and other money and other places i think it's for tom brady
it's probably like in the the dating analogy like he's probably like so wait like you had me this
whole time i have given you everything i've won you six rings i am the greatest of all time and
now you need to prove like now you need me to prove that you need me so like if i'm tom brady
i'm like okay i was here the whole time i wanted to be with you the whole time and you didn't want
to be with me now i'm gonna leave and i'm gonna go find somebody who does want to be with me
and now you want me i was hungry i'd be like fucking juices and and then and if you're bill
belichick you're you're basically being like you know i i wanna like you know dip my toe in the in
the in the pool here and see if there's some new young piece of ass but and then figure out but
then if not yeah yeah or that they don't have anything.
Yeah, yeah.
Or wait, we don't have the connection.
Or, you know, maybe it's this,
like maybe Brady is saying I've been here this whole time
and been nothing but loyal,
but maybe the reality is the relationship
hasn't been that good.
And so Bill Belichick's like, yeah,
like there could be something better out there.
Didn't someone just come out today
and say that their relationship is like kind of rocky?
It's been rocky for a while.
Well, allegedly. There's been's been rocky for a while.
Well, allegedly. There's been too much smoke for no fire.
The Jimmy Garoppolo stuff was.
I'm sure some of it.
The Garoppolo stuff was when it first kind of came out.
The Alex Guerrero stuff has always been an issue.
I mean, any relationship of any kind, friendship, romantic, professional, athletic,
when you've been together for almost 20 years,
it's just impossible to still be like roses you know so there's got to be something
right and i just feel like cutthroat one with the guys like a guy like belichick who doesn't
you know think emotionally and whatnot i didn't have a single doubt in my mind until i heard that
if that's what bob craft is pitching if he's him being the orchestrator means that he's like i
gotta try to get these guys on the same page.
And the only way to do that is to like fly as close to the sun as you possibly can with
free agency.
Right.
That's what it is.
When there's ego and everyone's at the end of the day, everyone's set.
Like Bill Belichick, Tom Brady could both go on to have 10 more years in the league
with separate teams or whatever and fail miserably.
And they're still going to be regarded as the best ever.
Never do it again.
Money wise, success wise,
time wise,
all of it's set.
So like calling someone's bluff,
but that's kind of what it is.
Whatever,
whoever the side is that Robert Kraft is on,
like he's not going to come out and publicly be like,
I'm on Tom's side. I feel like it's Tom.
I feel like it's Tom.
I feel like it's still Tom.
And I feel like,
again,
it goes back to if Tom Brady is like,
okay,
I want to spend the
rest of my career in New England I don't want to take this uniform off and Bill Pelichok is like
well maybe not Robert Kraft could easily be like no he's staying well but he's calling Bill
Belichick's bluff on it almost the problem is that you're gonna have Brady for the rest of his career
means probably like max five more years where Bill Belichick for the rest of your career means like two more decades so he's got to think like long term also short term fans right now versus like fans in a long
time from now john feidelberg's talking about how if somehow brady ended up in miami that he's going
to like start dressing in like silk shirts and stuff just to support miami tom like it's that
you get rid of somebody like tom brady it's like no Well, that's the same reason why this Mookie idea of like,
how could you do this?
It makes a little bit,
like the whole problem
with the Mookie Betts thing
is every fan has been looking at it
saying, why are you doing this?
How could you do this?
Why are you not doing what it takes
to keep him here long term?
Maybe they are.
Maybe the whole time
it's been unorthodox.
Maybe they can't show their hand.
I would imagine it's maybe even tampering
if you were to openly say,
we're trading you to only re-sign you again.
So maybe they've been doing what it takes to...
There are rumors of tampering with Mookie
in regards to the Red Sox offer.
I don't know what the best Red Sox offer was,
but there were some rumors that teams were being like, hey, we heard what the Red Sox offer. I don't know what the best Red Sox offer was, but like there were some rumors that like teams were being like,
hey, we heard what the Red Sox offered you.
If you waited out till free agency, here's what you got waiting for you.
But you know what I mean?
As far as I don't know what the rules behind, you know,
telling somebody like we're going to move you right now.
Like they did like a roll this chat and had that under the table shit.
And I don't know if that's what was the other one.
There was one.
I think it was your guys did it. Didn't Theo it with uh with the a's and the cubs and shit
what do you mean i think it was with a roster no uh who was it you told me this like not too long
ago it was like with a couple prospects and it was like blatantly like he traded them to himself
because he like left one organization the other yeah yeah uh theo theo left the red sox to go to the cubs jed hoyer left the red sox to go to the
padres and then they traded uh i think like the red sox traded rizzo to the padres and the gonzalez
deal and then he went to the cubs yeah and then and then hoyer left the padres and went to the
cubs and rizzo yeah so like this shit kind of goes on. You just can't say anything. So the idea of fans being like, why and how?
And then they're like, well, the why is because like we can't right now.
And the how we're going to do it is by trading him for the short term.
I don't think that that's tampering though.
No, no, no.
But I'm saying, but maybe that's why you can't.
They're not going to tell you publicly.
Well, they can't announce like, hey, everyone, just so that everyone knows.
Mookie's going to the Dodgers for one year and then we're just going to pay him.
Right.
Because we can.
You can't.
But you can't say that. And he fully
intends to come back. Imagine the Dodgers
fans being like, oh, what the fuck?
So you can't fuck over those guys.
If you get the one year out of him, who cares?
But imagine if, like, how hard would that be?
Let's say you've talked to Mookie
and he's like, I want to be here, but you've got to give me
$400 million. And the Red Sox are like,
we can't do that right now, but we can in a couple years.
And so there is this, like, tampering-esque backroom agreement imagine that's illegal though but just
as long as he's on your team yeah but he's just saying for the argument for long-term plans yeah
but if if you now are taking the beating of a lifetime publicly and fans are like some of them
are probably canceling season tickets and jumping off the ledge.
And you,
you could say to them like,
listen,
this is because in 18 months you're going to have,
but you can't say it.
And you just have to sit there and grin and bear it.
That's gotta be brutal.
See the thing with the,
the difference to me with the Mookie stuff and Tom Brady is like,
I don't think that there's anything that Tom Brady could ask for that fans would
be like,
that's too much.
Whereas like with Mookie, like there was, you know, and, and Jared blogged about it was like, there was like the, the facet of fans are like, I don't think that there's anything that Tom Brady could ask for that fans would be like, that's too much. Whereas like with Mookie, like there was, you know, and, and Jared blogged about it
was like, there was like the, the facet of fans are like, Oh, he's being a little bit
greedy.
He's asking for too much.
I don't think that there is one thing that Tom Brady could ask other than maybe like
owning the team.
Right.
But any fan would be like, Oh no, no, no.
New England.
But that's where football is blessed in the sense of the cap.
So it's like, we don's also to worry about Tom Brady.
Just give him whatever he's asking for.
And like the idea that they're going to like let him go out and shop himself to these other
teams, which any team in the league, probably outside of Kansas City right now, is going
to want to take Tom Brady.
And it's like, you're just going to let him go out and see who actually wants him and
hope that they treat him like shit.
It goes back to the dating analogy. You're going to let somebody go and and hope that they treat him like shit? It goes back to the dating analogy.
You're going to let somebody go and hope that they treat you like shit, but what if they don't?
What if they're amazing to him?
Well, that's the thing.
Both sides probably are like, how could you go anywhere else?
I don't know.
The Chargers just parted ways with Philip Rivers, and if they're just like, hey, you can come back home.
We're going to give you all the money in the world and you start to show them the light about like southern
california life and all these it's just it's a dangerous game to play and and same one with the
red side the red sox if this idea is true it's more about they had to then versus want to yeah
but you know mookie might be like dude i'm coming back i want to be here and then you go to la and
you realize you know
and let's say you know you win a title money you're in warm weather the money is better
the girls are better the fans are nicer the pressure is less and you still get like oh i
think a lot of times you think of like man if you write a title for yeah you're gonna be with your
buddy like you think about if you win a title in new york or boston it means so much and i do think
there's probably there's a there's a difference to it but i'm sure if you go win a ring in la it
feels just the fuck you know pretty fucking good so he has one in boston right so you've already
achieved what he needs to and all of a sudden maybe maybe that is the plan and maybe everyone
intended on it until like the new girl fucks you in ways you've never been fucked before and you're
like hey wait a second or whatever the reason may be where you think like,
I really did think,
you know,
I was going to stay with you or this was going to work out long term until
circumstances changed.
Uh,
I,
I,
I wouldn't tempt,
I wouldn't fuck around with either.
You don't want to tempt it.
You don't want to say like,
okay,
go fine.
For players of that caliber,
at least certain guys.
I,
I,
I commend playing chicken, calling their bluff. Maybe you get burned and you lose out but hey that was like the
it's almost like dana it's like to tie all the segments here together an hour half hour number
one like dana might miss out but i i go back and forth at that age 25k really what would be like
that's a lot a lot but it's not like life. If he gets 100 grand right now cash, that's enough to change your life.
For sure.
Legitimately.
And if he misses out, that stinks.
You don't get anything.
But it's not like he has bills and kids and a mortgage and shit.
Now is the right time to gamble.
And he still is making money.
It's not like it's either 100 grand or like.ave did say that dana said to him like i have a
thousand dollars in my bank account like total so maybe maybe she took 25 but but the idea is
he's still making his salary he's still now made a name for it it's like there are certain times
that you do kind of take a risk on yourself something like this time right that's the time
to do it yeah you don't do that when you have tom brady on your roster so i would say there's a few times you do a few times you don't i think in all three
instances dana being like young and in the position to take a risk mookie being in his prime where it's
like you just don't fuck around and brady being at the end still good enough to play though and not
to put like to to close the storybook on the best run a professional franchise has ever had
you never have to see him in another uniform
people will forget it it'll be Jordan on the Wizards and all that
shit but I would rather just finish this
off strong with a couple more years maybe you get
burned in like 2024
and 2025 or something like that
where Brady's like limping around
but you can rest assured
that like you
you saw it all the way,
all the way through in all three instances, I would say,
uh,
it's not worth fucking around from,
you know,
from each point of view,
like the Red Sox shouldn't fuck around.
The Patriots shouldn't fuck around.
And,
and I guess Dana should fuck around in that instance,
but now's the time to do it.
So what's he going to hit a million by Sunday?
Yeah.
Sunday at like midnight,
which is,
you know,
and he's at three,
he's at three80 this morning.
I think now working in some...
There's a long way to go, but...
Now Tom Brady's DMing, asking about the merch.
If you get a full week of radio
rundown, stool scenes,
Tom Brady tweets at you.
Maybe Gronk gets in it.
The XFL guys, I think, were lurking around.
They're not superstars, but they're hot on Twitter right now.
The right person talks about it.
The new merch with the brands that we know and the looks that we know help.
And then he has another.
So you think about if he has another weekend, right?
Let's say we can add another 380.
Let's call it a little over four because you'd hope it goes up.
It's probably at four now.
I saw his tweet this morning.
It was pretty early.
It was like 378 or something so if he can do like 400 on the next
weekend that means the middle chunk is right now during the weekdays he needs to do uh what like
two something like it's a lot but it's not it's gonna be very hard it's not impossible i feel
like his core audience like has already bought yeah yeah yeah well i i feel like he needs i mean he's he's being
smart pulling out all the stops being like hey who can i whose hands can i get this in or
the i love the viceroy challenge like there's also no way to track that there's like there's
no way i don't know how he could ever follow through on that but i i mean it's just gonna
have to pick one and be like congrats you guys won i saw somebody like the a&m barstool account you know retweeted it and i or put it out and then i retweeted it and somebody responded
like there's not even like unique links like how would anybody know we bought it from like barstool
a&m it's like we don't yeah we don't if i had money i think i like on the low at like sunday
i'd buy like 250 000 worth of t-shirts for him. Just start buying.
Like,
I mean,
I could like,
if I,
if I had Dave money,
if I had unlimited money, I could just be like,
Hey Dana,
like good,
good job.
You fell short.
I'll give you the a hundred K,
but I'd rather pay like 250 K to make it look legit.
So that,
you know,
like maybe the,
the spit and chiclets guys will do it.
Where would you send the shirts to?
Yeah.
To Dana.
Like,
I don't know.
To all the village.
Sure, sure.
Zah could like clothe everybody out there.
Clothe all the homeless people.
Dave went through a phase where he wanted the shantytown downstairs to be wearing Barstool logos
so that people would know they were in Barstool country.
Like, why not clothe Manhattan?
Zilly country.
The Manhattan.
Zilly beers.
Homeless, just all wearing zillion beer shirts.
I mean.
Give the queen bee the crop top and run with it.
So what would you, yes or no right now, you think he's going to hit it?
No.
What do you think he reaches?
I think he breaks.
Over or under 750?
I think it's going to be like 735.
I'm going to say it's over.
I don't think he's going to hit the million.
But just like the way you just put that,, if he can do another weekend like he did
and then just throughout the week have to
sell $40,000 a day,
which still is a lot, no doubt.
If you double that...
It's funny how quickly the frame of reference changes.
The original thing for merch was
$50,000, you get a $5,000 bonus
and people try to do that for an entire year.
Now we're at the point where we're like,
you just have to do $50,000 a day.
The entire office on friday when dave was talking
about it again seriously saying there's no way he was going to hit 30 i don't think i mean you
i think you were either recording or you had already left there wasn't one person in there
that was like oh yeah he's definitely going to hit 30 like it was more like he's not going to
hit well that's what i mean though so every time i mean every bunch benchmark so far we everyone's been like no way no way and he keeps going through i'm gonna change i think he's gonna
hit 780 ish i think he'll get past 750 but fall like pretty well short of it and for anybody
dave had said at least he wouldn't do tears with him because i think you know a lot of people were
thinking like yeah of course if he said if i make 500 i do this if i make 600 do this i make 700 i
get that like dave would not have agreed to it it kind of had to be all or nothing but he did say it
didn't have to be a million so he could have gone a little bit lower and then dana just you know
with it didn't he it was deal it was like 300 it was deal or no yeah yeah it was watching deal or
no but it's it's not a game of complete luck it's's a game. I don't know. Again, like I, I probably wouldn't,
but I also,
it's like if there was ever,
if,
if you,
if I told you here,
here are the stipulations,
you have a chance to win a hundred thousand dollars.
Here's the game.
You have to sell a beer party related merch and you get to use the barstool sports network.
Like if there was ever somebody who was going to do it,
it's going to be this.
And maybe,
maybe it proves impossible even for the goddamn juggernaut that is barcelo sports but i i think
if there's ever a time to place that bet it's right in this demo for that market it's now is
there any i mean i'm assuming patriots super bowls and then maybe like the red socks world series but
is there any like example of a million dollars in merchant a week that you can like specifically point to other than those?
Uh,
that's the world series hit the million.
I don't,
uh,
we didn't bring up the world series,
but Dave,
Dave said the,
uh,
Dave said Patriots,
Patriots,
Superbowls for sure.
Like out,
outweigh this big time,
but there's also like C and D issues.
So like they,
we don't even know what they would last for a week because we have to pull
them down.
Yeah.
Um,
but yeah,
there's examples of merch moving,
um, pretty regularly.
But a million in a week.
I was having a conversation yesterday,
and I was like, the only thing I can say for sure that that happens is that—
The LeBron shirt went nuts in a day.
I don't know what that ended up being for a week.
Let's take one call before we hit our break because we've got a zillion beers fan.
Matt from Vermont, you got confidence in your boy Dana B?
I do. hit our break because we got a zillion beers fan matt from vermont you got confidence in your boy dana b i do for a guy who doesn't even drink um dana and uh dave dave's diabolical genius how do you tell people you know they're not going to do it exactly the way dave did no one expected him to
do a quarter of a mil that quick so i think honest, honest to God, because of the power of the stool,
I think by Wednesday night
this kid's got it. By Wednesday night.
But I think he's grossly slowed
down right now. So it's got to pick
back up to weekend levels
for Tuesday, Wednesday.
So
35,000 times 28
is like a million and change.
This is way more than 35,000 stoolies.
He's going to do it.
Yeah, I mean.
Just talking about it on the radio.
Well, that's what I'm hoping.
If you don't have Twitter,
and I mean, Instagram, it was to a certain degree,
but if you don't have Twitter
or you're not active on Twitter,
you probably don't even know that this is happening
unless you're reading the blog.
There are probably, I mean, I think the caller could be right.
Dave's talking about it.
There are people that are going to be listening to this all day
that don't live in the world that we do and be like, oh shit, I think the car could be right. There are people that are going to be listening to this all day that don't live in the world
that we do and be like, oh shit, I didn't even know this was happening.
And honestly, it's, it's way more than just the party demo at this point.
This is a goddamn story of America, the American dream.
It is like you don't, you could be a 55 year old woman.
You should, you could fall outside of every demo that, that, that Dana, you know, technically
the box that you want to put Dana B in right now.
You should be buying the Zillion Beers shirt because it is all that is good and wholesome with this world.
It's also great because, I mean, I don't know how fast walkers will be able to ship them, but it's like you can do it for Valentine's Day.
Like these girls that are out there, they might not even care.
Get it for your dudes.
You'll get these for Christmas.
That's it.
Well, St. Patrick's Day, whenever we started talking about that, I was like, will they even get them by st patrick's day it's coming up quick the warehouse is probably like
fuck a zillion beers dude it was it was a perfect example and i think that you said this too and it
was kind of like with with luggage guy trent john said the same thing it's very rare that you see
all of barstool get together and support one thing the way that that zillion beers and luggage guy
trent was and it's like there was
like one lady who tweeted back at the girls you know dana put up the girls things like does it
have to be pink script why do girls have to like pink script and she just got annihilated like
lady just buy the pink script shut the fuck up drink a beer it's okay for girls to like pink
and it was just funny because it's like it doesn't matter if you like dana like dave like whoever
like zillion beers is something everyone can get behind. It's a fun fucking thing.
Even if you don't drink beer.
I'm getting worried that he's tapping into Kelly Martin's network.
Apparently he's trying to send a t-shirt.
I was going to say, well, Kelly Martin.
Get on with the celebrities.
Kelly Martin was walking up and down.
Kelly Martin asked for $15,000 to do it.
Yeah.
I mean, listen.
Yo, respect that hustle.
I said that Dana turned into like Gustavo Fring trying to peddle the drugs with the
Viceroy's account.
But Kelly might be the grandmaster of them all.
She said like the Post Malone thing is what he's trying to do.
Which would totally make sense, by the way, because Post Malone is such a Bud Light guy.
But she was like, I think I'm going to work on like a pizza review first.
And he's like, well, you know, it's just very funny.
She's like, he's trying like, but I mean, good for him. He's, you know, it's just very funny. She's like, he's trying to like,
but I mean,
good for him.
He's tapping in all of it.
He's thinking,
he's trying reward.
The big fella reward,
the golden retriever.
Go buy some zillion beers.
I don't want him to shave his mullet.
He was talking about how he's gonna have to shave it off.
No,
we got to keep that.
You cannot,
you cannot shave that mullet.
At this point.
Come on now.
Let's hit our first break.
When we come back,
10 more minutes of CCK.
Check this out.
Stay over.
Barstool took over Miami, and next we're going down to Daytona.
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kicking off the race season with NASCAR,
along with a few others from the barstool team prior to the race.
Barstool is hosting a live show from Daytona,
getting everyone geared up for the season.
Be sure to tune into the great American race,
the Daytona 500 Sunday,
February 16th at 2 30 PM. Eastern time or witness it live with a special barstool ticket package by
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We're back.
Chicks in the office coming up at 3 o'clock.
We got the zillion beers movement rolling here at barstool.
Jared's got a theory that Mookie Betts is,
uh, going to come back after a little brief stint in LA.
He's taking a year off.
I've got a theory that Tom Brady is gone and I think they should have
appreciated him when they had him.
Kevin,
right?
Should have appreciated him when he wanted him.
Tempting fate like that never works.
Too little,
too late.
And then, um, I, I, appreciated him breaks when he wanted him tempting fate like that never works too little too late and then um i i i feel like joaquin phoenix has a theory that if you drink milk you're an asshole listen his speech last night first of all he absolutely should have won because i finally
just saw the joker for the first time i didn't like it i loved it it was fucking creepy who else
was up for best picture or best actor i don't even know even know. I was watching it in and out.
I wasn't just sitting there focused on it.
When Eminem came on, from the clouds,
to sing Lose Yourself, just whatever.
But he should have won
because that movie,
that could happen in real life, easily.
What happens in The Joker, he was so fucking creepy in it.
But his speech ruined it for me.
That was the epitome of the woke Hollywood.
Shut up about milk.
Like I'm totally okay with people having their beliefs.
The fact that he chose that moment to say that cows miss their babies.
And then we then punish them to put in our coffee and cereal, bro, shut up.
He was like, it was in a weird way.
Like he was talking about how cancel culture sucks and how we shouldn't be entitled.
And that's all good.
But then it spiraled into we're so entitled that we even steal milk from cows.
I'm like, I feel like fucking cows need to be milked anyway.
Why can't I drink the milk?
What?
It was a great message that spiraled out of control.
I mean, right?
I feel like the milk is like, it's okay to drink milk.
Right? Yeah, so I know what's up.
I milked the fuck out of them cows
and my boy.
I don't understand
did he have that specific thing
planned or did he just start talking
and it just kind of unraveled?
Like it got away from you?
He did say that he apologized for being
an asshole because I don't know if he's like a full method actor or not i
feel like everybody that plays a little bit of an asshole yeah like everybody who plays a joker now
post heath ledger is probably gonna make themselves be a method actor because well heath ledger
obviously yeah did it to the point where he died uh despite other things anyways like when he said
he's like yeah i know i treated people like real shit like you can watch that movie and be like
no like you know joaquin phin Phoenix was an asshole on that set.
Oh, yeah.
You just know he was a pain in the ass to be around.
Bare minimum pain in the ass.
Definitely a chance of him being like,
I'm the Joker right now.
You need to like, you know.
But he deserved to win.
Like I said, I don't even know who else was up.
Who else had Best Picture?
Best Actor.
Adam Driver was up. Which by the way
that movie was terrible. I don't know why everybody
loves that movie. I only watched part of it
and I was like I can't do this. It's like just sitting there
watching two normal people
get a divorce. Well I know but I think that's why
though. I think it was like kind of rare the way they did it.
The acting was incredible. Acting
phenomenal. The story itself stunk.
I don't know why. Why do I want to watch that?
I'll just talk to you about it Kevin. I'll just talk to you. I don't want to watch that yeah well i just i just talked to you about it kevin doesn't mean i'll just talk to you i don't need to watch
that seriously i started to watch and i was like there was one scene where i was like whoa a little
too close to home i'm out of here what's it called uh marriage story it's just him and scar joe just
like going through a like horrible and laura durn laura durn won for that she won best supporting
actress she was great again the acting phenomenal in it story not great the uh the scar just still got it yeah oh yeah big time that movie she was
in the uh in the crowd last night with colin jost who just colin jost is from snl it's like a pretty
obviously a very successful guy in his own right but for sure kind of came out of the clouds when
he was only 35 why did i think she was older than that? She's dating this dude who's like, you know,
you would expect her to kind of be, you know,
with like another like major Hollywood elite type guy.
And he's just like this like funny dude from New York,
from SNL, who just like landed the hot chick
with his jokes probably.
Huh.
And they've been together as far as like Hollywood's concerned.
They've been, you know, it's like dog years in relationships.
They're like one of the longest lasting couples
like period right now.
But the like homie from Parasite, Bong Joon-ho.
He's so great.
I want a clean sweep, bro.
He won four.
And then every time he got up there, he just talked about getting blackout drunk.
It's perfect.
With his interpreter.
It's just the way to win the people over.
Like get up there and be like, listen, I'm way more talented than you.
I'm way smarter than you.
But I also get drunk just especially when you know you're up against like
parentino scorsese like the main heavy hitters we'll take it so seriously and then bong joon's
like hey and then he brought them all to the bar do you see that picture he brought all of his
his oscars like to a bar oh i mean i'll put him over the top if he just fucking tore off his
tuxedo and had a zillion beer shirt on i mean, if we had a little bit more time and we could have got to Bong Joon.
I just found out like on Friday that Parasite is all in Japanese.
Yeah, well, that's why it was a big deal.
I heard how great it was for a long time.
Everyone left that part out.
I'm team subtitles and I've been it forever.
So that didn't affect me at all.
But if this was, know like 5-10 years
ago when I was not thinking that way
I probably wouldn't have even watched it.
Subtitles are fine. The amount of people
well not the amount of people there was this one fucking
asshole on Twitter who I'm sure is just
some like you know
make America great again like political
nut but this was maybe one of the
worst tweets I've ever seen. I actually want to
I'm interested to see seriously I'm interested to see where the ratio ended up because it was so out of control over
the top um let me see i thought that this was a reply to you this was like someone of note saying
something i mean of note i guess he's he's a blue he's got a check he's got 60 000 he's from blaze
tv it's like it's like tommy larin basically um let me find the original tweet so i can see the
replies on it.
While you're looking for that, by the way.
40.
Oh, this is not as bad as I thought.
So it got 6,000 retweets, 25,000 likes, 44,000 replies.
It said, a man named Bong Joon-ho wins.
Bong Joon-ho wins.
Oh, I'm fucking it up.
So I probably sound like a nigger in American, too.
But wins the Oscar for best original screenplay over Once Upon a Time in Hollywood in 1917.
His acceptance speech was, great honor, thank you.
Then proceeds to give the rest of his speech in Korean.
These people are the destruction of America.
What?
Can't do that.
What?
That's almost as crazy as the milk thing.
The destruction of America is like terrorist organizations and you, like deep-rooted racism.
Not that like a Korean or Japanese or whatever director spoke through an interpreter.
If anything, it's the most American thing.
He came over here and movies transcend, you know, cultures and boundaries and borders and shit.
And I think the funniest part was like, by the way, 1917 is like, I think people think it's like World War I, like American story.
It's not.
And I'm pretty sure the director of that is foreign.
Like, wrong across the board, dude.
It's not like foreign people haven't won Academy Awards before either.
Yeah.
Plenty of.
I guess it was like him speaking, not speaking who cares like they bothered him but
like what he was like the darling of the night by the end of the oscars and this asshole was
on the record being like you're the destruction of america i was like he's so likable and relatable
a few years ago there was like an old baseball broadcaster that went on like this tirade
basically saying that like japanese interpreters were ruining the game.
Like there was like a Japanese pitcher and,
uh,
there,
it was Tanaka.
I think like Tanaka needed an interpreter with like Gary Sanchez.
It was something like that.
Yeah.
And like the interpreter had to come out to facilitate the conversation.
He was like,
this is ruining the great game that we love.
Honestly,
that's,
I mean,
that's like the vibe of a lot of people. That's how Trump's fucking president. And like, there are people who think that way, but it's like, this is ruining the great game that we love. Honestly, that's the vibe of a lot of people. That's how Trump is
fucking president. There are people who think that way,
but it's like, yo.
It's the Academy Awards, bro. He just made a movie.
A good one. A pretty fucking enjoyable,
at times funny and wild
movie. Just fucking read it and enjoy it. What do you think
Robbie and Trent's racist neighbor think about that?
Probably very upset about it.
You know what? Speaking, now we've got to add Dana to the
mix. The bigger moment, Bob fox with mcgregor his first time trent the luggage guy or dana
bb and zillion beers king trent the luggage guy tonight is even a bigger moment i mean last week
this was actually the tease now tonight's the real appearance everybody saw it so everybody
knows it's happening but trent doesn't know when it's happening in the episode which means that
every single one of us are gonna have to sit through an entire episode of the bachelor and i mean i did not know we know well i guess we
don't know usually the goodbyes happen the end no he think he thinks it's early because see
the bachelor of like when i was watching it like when i was in college it was always every episode
was beginning and end was rose ceremony now they dick around with it now they'll do like rose
ceremonies at the beginning of the episode or like in the middle so i asked him i was like do you
have any idea at all and he said i have no idea i'm predicting it's
early because he started going through all the scenarios of what he knows it's going to happen
in this episode like trent the internet's going to go nuts tonight because if abc was smart they
would have like reshot tonight's episode based on last week's buzz and be like we got to give the
luggage guy like a seven minute scene i hope trent gets a spinoff show. Trent, first of all, could just be The Bachelor.
Imagine if they just went with Trent and was like,
you know, you're used to tall, dark, and handsome.
Now we're just going with Iowa.
Yeah.
It'd be incredible.
We've got khakis and a black.
Also, it would be, and I keep using this word,
it would be relatable because that's something they choose
when they choose The Bachelor or The Bachelorette.
It's always the hottest person in the room, 6' four for guys you know whatever you want to get back to
just making about love and romance you want a normal guy you want random people that don't
want to look like the prettiest people of all time put like a charming good-looking boy from
iowa who makes everybody roll the fuck out of that luggage it would honestly be one of the
funniest things it'd be incredible at the very least he should like somebody from abc or whatever should be contacting him about doing an after show yeah It'd be incredible. At the very least, he should, like somebody from ABC or whatever
should be contacting him
about doing an after show.
Yeah.
He'd be perfect for the after show
of like,
you know,
let's talk about it,
America.
Everybody from all walks of life.
Like Chris Harrison's sidekick.
Yeah.
Right.
Like for like an episode.
Who's the nerdest dude?
What was his name?
Chris Hardwick.
Yeah,
Chris Hardwick.
Yeah.
Like he was like,
he did Talking Dead.
He did all that shit.
The Breaking Bad after show.
Let Trent do that.
Chris Harrison has such a monopoly on that.
When they did him and Kelly and everybody did After the Rose or whatever.
They had Coming Up Roses, I think it was.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was just ahead of its time because people weren't really doing live streaming yet.
But now there's Periscopes and electric chairs.
Everyone's used to that.
They need to run that back because that's exactly what Trent needs to do.
I would watch a live stream tonight. I don't
even know if it's in the works. I have no
clue. I would watch a live stream of Trent
watching The Bachelor tonight.
I would watch him.
You don't need to watch every second
of The Bachelor to get the whole vibe.
I want to watch Trent watch himself because he
doesn't know when it's going to happen.
I would watch
Trent's after show before I
watched the actual Bachelor.
Give me a 90 second recap
and then give me your opinions. It's fucking what? Like a 3 hour
goddamn show? I'll just watch Trent for
20 minutes. Last week they did a 3 hour
episode and then 2 days later did a 2 hour
episode. No. Who has that kind of time?
People are like more. 30 million
people. And then when it ends they do like a
2 day break and then they do the spinoff in
Paradise where everyone just gets fucked up on the beach and has sex.
Paradise is way better.
Way better.
Paradise is way better.
So there was one dude, Sarah Hyland from Modern Family ended up marrying him.
He was on The Bachelor.
Wells.
Wells Adams.
He was on.
Last night he was doing like e-coverage for the Oscars and now he's like the bartender in Paradise, which is maybe the best gig in the world.
Especially because you're marrying Sarah Hyland.
Yeah, you're sad.
You're basically like either wealthy yourself or you have this sugar mama.
You have this beautiful girl.
And then like for two weeks or whatever, ABC sends you down there.
You fake bartend.
You sling some drinks.
And you just like get the gossip and like talk to people about the therapist about all these hot people fucking each other it's amazing he was
on uh so page spranic dropped a new podcast last week and he and chris harrison were the first two
guests on it and it was just like their rapport and i was like of course they want wells around
because he was just giving chris harrison shit oh well i watched his season when he was actually on the show. I remember he was a radio host.
There was a challenge to do a fireman thing.
You had to grab a body, bring it up the stairs, do this.
He was like, I can't do this shit.
All these other guys are fucking jacked.
He was a radio host.
He was like, yeah, my thing is humor.
I don't have the physicality of it all. I was like, yeah, I like my thing is humor. I don't have like the physicality of it all.
I was like, yeah, this is my guy.
This is a bachelor for people like me, dude.
And he, he, and maybe he didn't win that, but he ended up getting like these gigs out
of it.
He got the girl, he ends up getting a job.
He gets, you know, he's on E like things worked out.
Okay.
You know, he didn't get the fucking rose.
Right.
So those jokes and talk on the radio.
I need Trent to do it.
I need, I just, I don't know why they wouldn't just put like a regular person. and rose right so those jokes and i need to talk on the radio i need trent to do it i need perfect
word i just i don't know why they wouldn't just put like a regular person and trent's not i mean
he's barstool so there is like an element of fame that comes with that but put somebody like him on
the bachelor everybody would watch that i wonder if uh imagine if trent just like sold out and
became like i would love that yeah like. Like peace. See you fucking later.
I'm gone.
I'm like,
I'm the new sweetheart of America.
Like he fucking deserves it.
And he would be the sweetheart too.
That's what's like. He would win everybody.
And then they would,
they would dig up the blog where he told everyone to kill themselves for
talking about his wires of his TV.
Oh,
definitely.
But people would probably support that even more.
Like,
you know what I do?
Great point.
Trent just makes everybody happier.
Yeah.
Jared and I talked about last week, like when Trent's on radio, you just smile the whole time. If you don't like Trent, the problem's like you know what i do right point just makes everybody happier yeah jared and i talked about last week like when you're on radio you just smile the whole time if
you don't like trying the problems with you bro yeah fuck you but now i mean you were the reason
we started talking about trent like you have robbie trent and dana dana for dana to have a
moment that's like those two it has to be like tom brady says something you know what i mean yeah
but i mean because like this was like he started doing it with like his tweet,
his original zillion beers tweet is so funny.
It was,
see,
this is how I know people went back and like looked at what fights first
tweet was.
This is why it has all the makings of the,
I don't remember how long ago it was.
It's been pretty recently and it was like a nice day in New York.
And he said,
this feels like the perfect day to delete a zillion beers and talk to zero
girls.
It was something like that.
And I,
but I love most about it from,
from my point of view,
like my,
my,
my,
my,
my relationship with Dana consists solely of me hyping him up to talk to
girls.
Every time I'd see a tweet of him being like beautiful girl next to me on
the train,
I didn't even think about talking to her.
I would always reply and be like,
go off King.
Like you got this,
you're good looking,
you're funny,
do it, do it. And so to have him him have this like come up now where i mean he shouldn't be afraid to talk to anybody right now he's the fucking zillion beers king you remember
the beginning of 2019 was the year of sex and dana was a part of that dana was a part of the year of
sex and that was in the old office and i'd walk over and i'd be like how's the year of sex going
dana it was like midway through march wildly inappropriate oh it's so inappropriate but like midway through march he's
like okay it's just now starting it's like bro it's been two and a half months he's like no no
no the year of sex is starting just now and so then like you know who they would all talk about
how he like took girls out and like he came over and asked ellie and i what kind of outfit to wear
on a date and now this now you're running around with your mullet. And don't even, I was trying to explain it to my dad.
I explained this on KC radio.
There'd be out tomorrow.
My dad wasn't really getting it.
I'm trying to explain it.
It's kind of weird.
And then I found the one video where Dana had the Bud Light box on his head and on his
hands.
And he just pours the beer like on his forehead.
And my dad was like,
all right,
I get it.
Did you see the video where he's basically waterboarding himself through the merch or
somebody else's waterboarding?
I'm like,
and Marty,
Marty's video with the bird. Yep.
My family members sent that one to me.
I bet. And
one of my specific family members
very like, what the fuck
is going on? Ryan, real quick
from Long Island before we go, what do you got on Zillion Beers?
Alright, hey guys.
How are you guys doing today? Good.
Alright, so I was looking at research this morning
Actually before this, I heard about the Zillion Beers
And Cristiano Ronaldo, when he joined the new team
There it is
We need Cristiano
That's the new target
The new target is Ronaldo
If Dana can get Zillion Beers into Ronaldo's hands
We're taking this bitch to a zillion dollars
I don't think that Cristiano Ronaldo drinks beers just by looking at his body, but hey.
It's a lifestyle.
It's not about the beer.
It's a mentality.
He drinks zillion beers in his brain.
Yeah, all the people that were like, let's do a zillion trullies.
It's like, no, no, no, no, no.
Only a zillion beers.
Go get some merch.
Support the cause, whether you drink or party or not.
You got to support Dana B and the American dream and take the money out of Davey Page
who uses Pocket.
Chicks and the Officer up next.
We'll be back tomorrow.
Stay hot.
Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.
Kevin.
You're just ridiculously stupid.
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Is this Kevin?
Welcome back.
Oh, yeah, man, how you doing?
You good?
I know you like that.
I know you like that. Come on, you've been back. Welcome, welcome, welcome, how you doing? You good? I know you like that. I know you like that.
Come on, you've been bad.
What's up?
It's a Kevin-less Thursday today.
He's with Brandon Walker somewhere, and whenever he was leaving, he was bouncing, he was dribbling
a basketball.
And I sincerely hope that Kevin's not playing basketball against Brandon
Walker today.
So why did he have a basketball with him?
Casey?
I don't know that.
I don't know.
You know,
everything about Kevin.
I know they're not playing basketball.
Well,
that would make sense.
I just don't understand why it just was a weird visual,
but I was,
I also,
Kevin actually has pretty underrated hands.
See,
this was what I was asking you for.
Kevin's good.
Kevin's got pretty good handles.
So I'm hearing word that they are actually, in fact,
playing basketball together. Apparently,
according to my guy Gonzo,
they're doing an interview at a high school basketball
gym. So they are playing. I mean, I
knew they were doing a behind the blog type deal,
but I did not know that included
basketball. I guess it does. Shout
out to Zaha. I did not know that. Apparently.
See, I mean, he might not have the cardio that he needs to play basketball i don't think either of them do i mean
kevin definitively does not i would guess brandon doesn't i don't brandon plays basketball sometimes
i don't brandon he's on another level anyways 833-857-8665 it's cck here on thursday we've got
jared and john jared you're going on your Spikes Up tour starting tomorrow
I don't know I might leave tonight I might leave tomorrow
but I'm definitely gone
this is my last show until two weeks from now
two weeks well I'll ask next week
that's a week
it's more than a week from now
but not two weeks
you're missing a week of radio
let's call that a week
so how weird is it going to be with all this like Astro stuff going on?
Does it change anything that you guys do?
Yeah.
I mean, like I think last spring, I think the Astros clubhouse was the only clubhouse
that we went in.
Like every other like every other camp that we went to, like we would pull up in the RV.
The players would come out to us like we'd be in the parking lot. like we would pull up in the RV. The players would come out to us.
Like we'd be in the parking lot.
We'd interview guys like on the RV.
The Astros clubhouse, if I recall, was the only actual clubhouse that we went in.
I'm not going in there.
Why not?
Go in there.
Yeah, you got to go in there.
Sneak in there.
I wouldn't even have to sneak in there.
It's just like I'd rather not go in.
It would be better to sneak, though. It would be. If they invite you in, they're going to hide all the stuff first. Right. That's true. Sneak in there. No, I mean, I wouldn't even have to sneak in there. It's just like, I'd rather not go in. It would be better to sneak though.
It would be.
If they invite you
and they're going to
hide all the stuff first.
Right.
That's true.
Sneak in,
find those buzzers.
I mean,
that's just a clubhouse
that I don't want to go in.
Like,
those guys are going to be,
they're probably not
even going to be in there.
Like,
today was the day
for the Astros
to face the music
and they had their
rehearsed apologies
but then,
you know,
Altuve and Bregman,
even after they,
they combined, like they, they both read their apologies. And when you combine the both of them,
it was 90 seconds, Altuve and Bregman combined. But then they went in the clubhouse and like,
they, they feel the questions, like everyone feel the questions today. So I feel like today
was the day where like, Hey, it's all out there. Come ask us whatever you want to ask us. Like,
we're just going to get it all out today. you're not gonna be able to like ask those questions ever
again and i highly doubt like we like starting nine could not go to astro's camp and have any
one of those guys on the podcast and just like pretend like the sign stealing thing didn't happen
they're not going to answer those questions and we as a brand are not going to put out a fraudulent interview i would i love it yes i love you would what i might after this red sox
bullshit i might be a houston astros fan i love he loves what he's doing what do you mean you would
what i i just go and pretend everything's normal i would too you just ask him about baseball i
wouldn't ask about baseball i asked him about other shit but the i don't know i mean i would
do one of my kind of interviews.
I know how yours are,
but I just feel like,
yeah,
let's fucking talk about dumb things.
Yeah,
we do do that.
Like it's part of it.
But you're just not going to interview them at all?
I mean,
they're not going to want to talk.
It's not even a matter of,
they're not going to want to talk about anything.
You should go,
go and do a Wes Welker type interviews.
Yes.
Everyone,
Wes Welker got in trouble for saying like 20 times or whatever.
How many times you said it?
Just say like,
be like,
all right.
And the,
we're at the buzzer here.
Yeah.
What position do you think you're at?
That outfit's banging.
Just like,
like,
so you take your swing,
just throw it in the trash can.
It's off season.
What's up?
Like,
I think it'd be hilarious.
See how many red socks stink this year.
You guys are awesome. You might be stealing me away. It would be hilarious. See how many Red Sox stink this year. You guys are awesome.
You might be stealing me away.
See how many references you can do before you get punched in the face.
That would be fucking funny.
It would be really funny.
So you're just not even going to try to interview them because you don't think they would even sit down with you?
I mean, we have to try, but to what point do you sacrifice relationships with guys?
Springer likes us, and Verlander was a guy that we were close to getting last year.
Bregman,
obviously,
uh,
Altuve was kind of like,
you know,
a little bit in a little bit out last year.
It's like,
you know,
I guess,
I guess like it there's,
it's a no win situation because if we have Jose Altuve on,
like,
of course people will listen because it's Jose Altuve and the interview would
be great.
If the sign stealing thing didn't happen.
It's not like he's uninteresting outside of that, but how do you keep your integrity without
asking those questions?
Like he's not going to fucking answer like anything about that.
And it's only going to piss him off.
And then it's going to discourage other players from coming on in the future.
Cause it's like, well, you know, I thought that they were like the fun show.
And then you go on and like and they're drilling us about shit
that we don't want to talk about. Well, I think there's a difference in drilling
and asking. They also probably are self-aware
enough to know even though you guys are the fun show,
this is kind of a big deal. Yeah, it's a
big deal, but that's why I know
today is the day
that they're going to address all of it
and then not answer. What's going on?
There's a tennis player here
and Casey is smitten.
Well, first of all, everyone is.
I don't know if we're allowed to talk about what is going on right now.
No, I don't think we are.
Okay.
There's a tennis player here.
There's a tennis player here.
There's some content going on.
And it's just, you know, he's a rocket.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
Anyways, continue.
Go ahead, Jared.
I don't even know what else.
I respect.
People on the internet are upset at the Houston Astrosros i respect the fuck out of them yeah that's you also were the
same guy that were like you wanted alex core to be cheating more than he true allegedly what true
but also i respect like i i i genuinely respect being like yeah we're gonna talk about it and i
mean crane my new hero he literally was like in my opinion had no impact whatsoever and and uh we
knew what pitches were coming but like how much did that really help what what was the other thing
i don't deserve any blame yeah oh he's still my heart what a quote that is exactly like that's
me well in any situation personally i don't think i deserve any blame it sounds like you on a daily
basis yeah i don't think i did anything wrong and i don't think you should blame me it's very funny
that in our little area of the office like you have you who are just like standing for this
whole thing people are like it's funny and then you've got like hubs it's like they couldn't be
fucking this up any more than they are it's like i no agenda either way. I think it's pretty fun.
If we're talking about the court of public opinion, yeah.
They're pretty obviously fucking up. If we're talking about
John Feidelberg, obsessed with it.
Can't wait to get a Houston Astros
t-shirt. Love the team. Love the
squad. Great guys. Are you just going to switch over
from the Red Sox? I mean, we'll see how the Red Sox
start off, but I'm a bandwagoner.
The Astros,
if it turns out that the sign stealing really didn't affect
the game that much and they're still good,
you might catch me in an Astros shirt.
What if we just take a flight down to Houston and we just start
going to games? Texas is a whole thing.
Texas is a whole thing.
I would love for the Astros to just steamroll everybody
this year. That'd be great.
I told you it didn't affect the game, motherfuckers.
Don't you think that at some point people will still think they're cheating
somehow? Yeah, for sure. It'll never it's never gonna i mean
look at the new England Patriots every single year they're cheating yeah so they're just fucking
better than you even if they steamroll everybody they're still gonna be the court of public opinion
that's like well they're still cheating it's like prove it it's the same thing like when they're
asked about everything and they're like well the league's investigation like they were asked about
but that's what it's so the whole buzzer thinger thing is fucking crazy what's been going on with that.
Because first it was a rumor.
Then A.J. Hinch did the interview with LNB Network.
And he was flat out asked about the buzzers.
And he's like, well, the league conducted their investigation.
Dude, if there weren't buzzers, just say no.
Who gives a fuck about the investigation?
You were there.
You're the investigator in that.
Just say no if they weren't there.
And then Jose Altuve was asked today, well, what's the deal with the buzzers well the commissioner conducted his investigations
if that's yes or no yes or no that's saying yes so it is saying yes but then carlos correa came
out he was like absolutely not george springer was like nope didn't happen so you have other
guys that are like no no buzzers but at what point like why like because we we talked about it on section 10 today
i think the buzzers only got to career spring have they signed a recent deal
have career spring signed a recent deal no yep you guys sign a long-term deal then you get a buzzer
yeah yeah i mean that's why altuve and bregman were like i don't know if bregman denied was
even like asked about like i don't i don't he probably was but but I didn't see anything about Bregman saying yes or no.
Altuve, at least.
That's why I like his non-
He signed a long-term deal.
Guess what?
You get a buzzer now.
You're in this.
If you might go next year, no buzzer for you.
It's a signing bonus.
It's a long-term signing bonus.
Both of those guys are out pretty soon.
But yeah, we talked about it on Section 10.
I was like, if there were rumors that I just had a dildo up my ass, and I didn't, I would say, no, I don't have a dildo up my ass.
That was a really big leap, Jared.
That was also oddly specific, Jared.
Well, someone came in here and conducted a report.
Quick follow-up.
Do you have a dildo in your ass?
No.
No, the league conducted an investigation, and they couldn't confirm if I had a dildo up my ass.
If I know that I don't, I would just say no to you.
No, I don't have a dildo up my ass.
But also, we can't know that I don't, I would just say no to you. No, I don't have a dildo up my ass. But also, we can't prove
that you don't have.
Well, the league conducted
its investigation
and I don't have a dildo up my ass
according to them.
It feels very specific.
If you know that you don't,
just say you don't.
Have you ever been,
has it been an inquiry?
I feel like we maybe
touched a nerve a little bit.
Like, it just struck a chord there.
How deep was it?
The league said that
I didn't have a dildo on my ass.
Take it to the nerve touch.
Yeah.
It's actually the outside.
I was aware,
John.
Thank you.
I'm aware.
I'm aware.
I'm an adult.
I'm aware.
Commissioner said no dildo.
Just out of curiosity.
Why did you go with that example?
Cause it was funny.
Okay.
Okay. It was funny. Funny Cause it was funny. Okay. Okay. So you're not
going to ask them. I understand that. But like you think, so you think that after today, they're
not going to be asked about it anymore. I don't think they're, they can, they can ask all they
want, but they're not going to answer anything anymore. Like what more can you say about
something that happened in 2017? Like, have you been asked all these questions today today like today was just open up the floodgates hit us with whatever you want
and then they answer those questions and they've issued their like apologies and whatever like
well you're not going to be able to unless something new comes out you're not going to
be able to ask them about it like the astros actually like kicked someone out of the fucking
clubhouse like a couple years ago like for like something he was like asking justin verlander
about then they booted him so like they're not above like looking there's a detroit guy right is it
detroit free press yeah yeah like they're not above looking like assholes and like censoring media
so i don't think they deserve any blame you like it huh i mean i don't yeah yeah fuck i like it i
don't give a shit yeah but i like more so than the cheating i like the the only way today
could have been better is that if they came out and were like so we've done some science and turns
out that the bangs were actually something i don't know everyone belichick just learned science
overnight and talked about how the ball just got deflated alone i wish they came out with just like
a fucking powerpoint present not even powerpoint presentation elementary school one of those
trifold cardboard things and they're like this is how it didn't affect the game i would have i loved
every second like a science fair i'd have gotten that fucking press conference tattooed on my back
and i would have loved that did you ever do the science fair did i ever do a science fair yeah
yeah what was your my dad did it for me that does not surprise me it was uh it was fucking so good
what was it was about orangutans i remember i forget exactly what it was, but he drew orangutan pictures.
I opened the thing up and my fifth grade teacher was like,
what the hell is that?
It's my science project.
You clearly did not do that.
You don't even know what the research was or anything?
No, I didn't do it.
Did you do a science fair project?
I don't know.
So to what Feinberg just said about his dad doing it for him.
Ellen definitely did all your stuff for you no like I would pick subjects that I thought my dad would help me with
and then he wouldn't like I did like like I know he he loved like JFK so like I would do like
projects on JFK and then I did a project on like the Beatles he loved the Beatles I mean I still
had to do all of it myself but I was like hey, hey, dad, doing a fucking, I got this thing on Jacqueline
Kennedy Onassis. You want to help me out here?
Yeah, good luck with that. I feel like
Ellen would be the person that would help with all
of that. Ellen would help. She still packs
her lunches now. Yeah, like Ellen
helped with like
homework assignments, but in like
the, yeah, like she would go get the supplies
and do it. Well, yeah, because you couldn't
drive by yourself. Yeah, but like, yeah, she would make sure that I yeah do it like obviously you couldn't drive by yourself yeah but like yeah she would make sure that i i had the materials to to do everything to the best
of my ability um yeah like she would help but in terms of like doing can you do it for me entirely
i never did my homework for me i actually had one science project this was younger than fifth grade
i think that was just really the embodiment of a mind far before its time it was
go on john it was i'm gonna stand up for this because it's so goddamn genius by the way your
outfit today is very peak john feidelberg you look good thank you um so i predicted that in the
future the nfl might have some issues with what's a catch and what's not a catch
Okay
Now I took green felt
Put it over an operation board
Wow
Right
I put the metal piece of the operation thing
Under the felt
Okay
I knew where I'd put it
And then in the example
I showed that when the ball hits the ground
Buzzer off
Not a complete catch ah shut
the fuck up swear to god uh-huh swear you're just now remembering that i know i've told that case
you're ready no i know but just like when i said when i said yeah i was like did you do science
fair project i just forgot that one i just that's i got in trouble for that one i got an a for this
one i imagine i forget what i got but this one was a good one. Bad things stick out to me first.
Oh, that's absolutely true.
So that was way before its time.
You know what they should have done when the Des Bryant thing happened?
They should have brought that project out.
Yeah, I basically invented the Hawkeye cam or whatever they call it.
They use in tennis.
Eagle Eye cam, whatever it's called.
I don't know.
I'll ask that guy that's walking around right now.
Yeah.
You're welcome for fucking helping your sport.
I invented that. I stole that from my third grade john feidelberg yeah the internet really fucking
killed us because like it came around like when we were in middle school and then we just thought
that we were geniuses that we had access to all this information but our teachers just didn't
know about it so like any sort of like spark notes like like, Hey, can you read this book? And I was like, but there's a website that just already types out the book reports for you.
Select copy, paste, print, submit.
And then like our entire class just submitted a book report.
There was just the cliff notes.
Like 20 kids were just like, here you go.
I've already demonstrated that I know how to read.
Do I have to read the books?
I'll just read what they're about.
I get it.
We get it. We get it.
We get it.
Did you ever have the old school actual Cliff Note books?
Yeah.
They were yellow, right?
Weren't they yellow and black?
They were light blue.
No, yellow and black.
There were Spark Notes and Cliff Notes.
One was yellow and one was blue.
Cliff Notes, they looked like a caterpillar fucking, what do you call it, excavator.
Where did you even buy those?
Where did we get those?
The library?
Barnes and Noble. Yeah, probably noble yeah probably that's so weird i remember i had one time i had to read um shakespeare and the book we
had had on the left page like the new english of it and the right page shakespearean english
and our teacher was like you're not allowed to read the real english you have to read shakespearean
english what the fuck i was like i mean i'm just gonna read the regular i shouldn't write here in front
of me what do you mean you can't like teach children that like how do you care so much
about that to where like you get your point across that this is important it's not how do
you keep them from being on their phones all the time that's my thing they don't last year last
year i went back to my high school and i was dumbfounded because when i was a senior in high school like when when we were
like juniors and seniors that's when like texting really became a thing was like junior and senior
year of high school i went back now kids just like have their phones out like they would like arrest
you if you had your fucking phone out back then you had to put it in your hoodie pocket yeah you
and i've talked about this right i don't think so oh there's me and you that would talk about it
it's like you put it in your hoodie pocket in the pocket yeah i could text in my pocket so it
definitely wasn't me but it was like they they treated you like you were a fucking terrorist if
you had a phone on you like you had to put it in your locker now i went back and like all the
teachers were like yeah like we can't there's nothing we can do out of our heads yeah they're
because they the virus has spread to an overwhelming extent and now we're just done.
Well, they were like, it's a lot like, you know, if I, if I confiscate this kid's phone
and it gets broken or stolen, who's liable for that?
Who's paying for that?
Like it's me and I'm not fucking paying for a thousand dollar fucking smartphone.
They should have something like before, at least for like test days, when you walk in,
you have to like put your phone into like some sort of like, well, like a Dave Chappelle thing.
Yeah.
One of those bags that you can't take it out.
Well, I mean, if they're allowed to have their phones out and they're taking tests, everyone
is cheating.
So do you, as a teacher, do you just not get it?
I mean, you can see if they're fucking actually using their phone.
Come on, John.
I like, I actually didn't, I wasn't allowed to wear hoodies either unless it was like
right after basketball.
Like what we would do with like our Catholic schoolgirl skirts is we would put the phones right underneath the skirt and flip it up just a little bit.
So if your teacher came over to look, it would look like they're trying to look up your skirt.
Classic.
That's what I'm saying.
They can probably get away with way more now.
I mean, couldn't they just be like, what's on your skirt?
Yeah.
As I say that out loud, no.
What's up your skirt, little girl? They're going to go to a 16-year-old girl yeah they're gonna what's up your skirt little girl
they're gonna go to a 16 year old girl what's up your skirt because like the rare chance that
there was no phone or calculator there big problems they were like i don't think i never
tried to cheat oh really really exceeded i stopped excelled i was basically the astros i cheated all
through middle school and was phenomenal and then i went got to high school and i stopped excelled i was basically the astros i cheated all through middle school
and was phenomenal and then i went got to high school and i stopped cheating wasn't the same i
was how are you cheating um because that that is the thing it's like i would like copy kids homework
i didn't like cheat on tests like i was smart like i could take a test and get a good grade
i just didn't have time for homework so like that that, I feel like that, I don't know what the,
the equivalent would be where like,
I didn't have like the cameras installed in center field,
but I mean,
I was stealing signs other ways.
Like I copy kids homework.
I didn't cheat on tests.
I don't want to fucking do home.
Like I do enough.
I put in enough time at school to where I go home.
Like that's my time.
Like leave me alone.
Like I'll be here for six hours tomorrow.
Whatever you can teach me in that time. That's up to you. When I go home, that's my time. Leave me alone. I'll be here for six hours tomorrow. Whatever you can teach me in that time,
that's up to you. When I go home, I'm
watching fucking TV. I'm eating fucking Oreo
cookies. No, I think that's very fair.
I'm sure I
copied some homework assignments, but just
like, I guess I liked
school in high school, and then in
college, I didn't like it, so I just didn't go. Well, you didn't, because you didn't actually
really go to high school.
I didn't go to high school. Well, but you were like going to Europe in high school. She says the same thing to me about college. It's like well you didn't because you didn't actually like really go to high school well but you were like going to europe same thing to me about college it's like yeah he went to
boarding school that is not the same as going to high school no it's not the same but i was
learning high school yeah i like i liked what i was learning so i didn't mind reading the books
i mean it's i didn't mind reading the books or doing the homework but you can't admit that you
probably had a way more fun high school experience than people who are just going home to their
parents house every day i guess i don't know just going home to their parents' house every day.
I guess.
I don't know.
I went home to my parents' house.
But when you start talking about going to Europe as a 15-year-old and stuff, that's... That happens at other schools, too.
The point is that in college, I wouldn't even call it cheating.
It was just like...
So at FSU, classes were so big that you just had like uh blackboard i think it was called
where you just like clicked in yeah and some people some people didn't uh like just kept
diligent notes everyone did on laptops so the day before the final i would just email the entire
class yeah i'm like i lost my notes does anyone have them yeah and they just send me the entire
semester of notes did you ever have do you ever? So I wouldn't even go to class.
Where you had to actually click in?
Yeah, I failed a lot of those ones.
You just gave your clicker to somebody else.
I didn't have any friends.
That's tough.
Yeah, that was early on when the classes were just massive
and there were like 500 kids in lecture halls.
You just find a friend, you just get a clicker.
I don't really, what's happening?
Why is Michael Grinnell?
We were busting Grinnell's balls on KFC radio friend you just get a clicker i don't really what's just what's happening why is michael on kfc radio because he's captain of the uh pot hockey team i don't think he likes it why not i
don't know he's had he's had like two tweets about it and then just walked by give me the finger oh
he doesn't like what you said on kfc i was just making fun of that he's captain of the team
why is he captain of the team that's the question well first of all we're a pond hockey team for a
tournament why is anybody a captain but uh it was i mean it was all right who started it and
then i kind of just followed it and uh like i said i don't think i deserve any blame here
never that's what r.a. joked so i replied i repeated that joke and he's i don't know if
he's actually upset well no-857-8665
we have people calling in
about phones and teachers
and all these things
we do first have a question for you John
so that's always interesting
what's up Matt
yo what up Kate
Fidelberg
can you hear me
you're from Fall River correct
I am
ok Makuchis or Mazillis Can you hear me? Yeah, you're from Fall River, correct? I am Okay
Makuchis or Marzillis?
Oh, come on, Marzillis
It's not even close
Come on!
Get the fuck out of here
It's Marzillis by a long shot
Long shot
Wait, let me just make it clear
That I'm doing the right one
Because I get them confused
Because they're so similar
Marzillis is the white one, right?
By the baseball field It's like a white building.
Yeah. It's a softer bread. I guess. Yeah. Okay. It's Marzilli's.
All right. All right. And then you went to
Caper Academy? No, I went to Portadabby. Oh, okay.
Okay. I was going to say, yeah, you're Fall River tough, but you're not like
Fall River tough. Yeah.'re not like Fall River tough.
Yeah, no, exactly right.
Exactly right.
That's 100% accurate.
I'm Fall River tough without being like, I did one year at Durfee.
You are self-aware of that.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's no problem with that.
By the way, I just got a text message from Ellen, and she said, I need to read it.
Why are you talking to my mom?
I always talk to your mom.
She said Ellen did not do Jared's projects for him.
Yeah.
I mean,
I was on the fence cause like I couldn't remember if she did.
I wanted to give her credit if she was like,
well fuck you.
Yeah, I did help you.
Or if like,
yeah,
if she didn't do it,
I didn't want to be like,
yeah,
no,
she helped me.
So that makes sense.
But she definitely was like involved.
Yeah.
She was a mother.
Yeah.
Or they should be.
Yeah.
I mean like in fifth grade,
you can't just like ride your bike to fucking TJ Maxx and buy a bunch of shit. Yeah, she was a mother. Yeah, she was a mother. Or they should be. I mean, like in fifth grade, you can't just like ride your bike
to fucking TJ Maxx and buy a bunch
of shit. Yeah, so
she was a good mom. Yeah, she was a great mom.
She didn't enable you with homework.
She enabled you in other ways, potentially,
but not with that. She enabled me
in a lot of ways, but not with my schoolwork.
All right, we've got
Coach Bo from Florida.
What's up, Coach Bo?
Hey, what's up?
Nothing much.
What you got for us?
So when they come into class, you know, the calculator holders that you guys used to see in school, now they're becoming phone holders.
So when they come into class, they got to put the phone in the calculator holder.
And then, you know, if they don't put their phone in there, then they get it taken away or whatever.
But like, but like Jared said, you know, you take a kid's phone and then, you know, all of a sudden something happens and, you know, you're worried about it.
And then who's liable, you know?
What are you guys doing when you take the phone?
Are you walking over a balance beam over a pool?
Like you just put it in the drawer, right?
You put it in your drawer.
What if someone steals it?
Who's paying for it?
They're in class.
They're sitting right there.
They're sitting there.
Yeah, but people will confiscate the phone for the whole day.
They know where they put it or they know where you put it.
If it's not locked, there's all kinds of things that happen in class.
They try and go and get it.
There's things that happen.
How long do you keep the phones?
Um, but I mean, it depends most of the time, like if, if they're on it, like we're trying
to do something, um, you know, it's just for the period, but if they do something bad,
then, you know, then, you know, they don't get their phone for the rest of the day.
Damn.
It's tough.
It feels like that's too much responsibility.
Like it's already enough responsibility to have to like teach children,
like to learn things,
let alone have their phones.
Yeah,
no doubt.
No doubt.
But,
but it is,
it does help because you know,
if they,
if you have a good system,
they put their phones in there,
then it's so much easier for them to get their stuff done because they want
to get that phone back so bad that you have no idea.
They want it so bad.
So just do whatever you tell them to do. I that's a fair point i think like it would obviously like
it would change the way it would suck for us because we had to do it the the real way but
you should just let kids use their phones because it's like what like if if you give a kid a test
then you're asking them this question all right so then they research it on your phone you're
still learning what the answer is like you're still going to retain that information.
It's just like, you didn't study the night before, but like, you're still researching it. So if I
ask you a question and it's like, the answer is blank, you got to Google it. Not like, but how
many times have you Googled something? Cause you don't know the answer. And then you forget about
it an hour later. Cause you didn't actually care about it. I retain all information like that.
Well, that's just not true.
The whole idea of memorizing it and all of that,
I understand you would still get the answer,
but I Google things all the time, immediately get the answer, would write it down, and then you forget.
Where you actually have to read about it and memorize it,
you are going to retain that more.
You're basically just studying during the test.
You're not studying because you don't have to remember it
after the test.
You don't have to, but you don't have a choice.
It's not a conscious decision.
I took Spanish in college and it was all online.
And I can tell you right now as somebody who just was Googling everything, I did not retain any of it.
You're not studying.
You're getting.
I think learning a foreign language is different than what year did this happen and who was this person.
It's much easier to retain.
Jared, you didn't even know what Chernobyl was and it's all over the internet.
You've obviously seen that and you did not retain it because you didn't know what it was that's not that i just didn't know about it well but it's all
over the internet you can't retain something that you were never presented with well but if
somebody just asks you a question and you google the answer in the fucking 80s it was not all over
the internet it's not like a current event well it was because it was the tv show so everyone was
yeah when the tv show came out that's when i learned about it. That's a fair time to learn about it.
Yeah, it's a fair time to learn about it like everyone else.
Right.
That's when I learned about it.
I was not taught that in school.
Did you watch the TV show?
Yeah.
Very good.
Yeah, good stuff.
Oh, but the scene with the dogs was not good.
When they had to kill all the animals.
Oh, yeah.
That one was tough.
That one was tough.
We've got Alex in Syracuse.
He has a buddy that's a principal.
So he's got some knowledge.
What's up, Alex?
Hey, guys.
What's up?
I was calling because he actually does this thing where he tells his teachers and everything
that they're not allowed to take the phones.
And that's because he's scared that there's chances of having like the
kitty, like nude photos of the kids.
Oh, shit.
On their phones.
That's dark.
So like if he ends up having it and like keeps it in his own process,
if something happens to it,
maybe the teachers or the administrators will get in charge with like
kitty porn.
That's that makes a lot of sense.
It makes a lot of sense.
I would have never thought of that.
I was going to say that.
And then I was,
and I figured that you would have counted it with like what are the odds of that
no i feel like the odds are very high one of the things that the teacher said to me he's like yeah
like if i if a kid gives me his phone and like it it happens to be like unlocked and you see stuff
like that on there or even if it's just on there and somebody takes the phone yeah or if there's
like text messages like kids like talking about like suicide or something and then like you don't do something about it but you knew about it
like now like you're kind of like responsible for all the kids who are listening right now all the
high schoolers big big high school show actually there was just a caller he dropped a video he's a
high school student that wanted to talk about phones yeah the second my teacher tried to take
my phone i have so many dick pics on here I have an entire library just of my penis.
It's actually a great,
it's a,
it's a horrible to give that advice,
but also it's a great piece of advice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like I,
you want my phone?
I've got nudes all over it.
My girlfriend's nudes are on here.
Oh,
see,
that's the way,
that's the way you go because then it's like you're protecting her too.
So like you're actually being chivalrous.
Why do you want my phone?
I just told you I have naked pictures of my girlfriend on here.
You're good. You're good.
You're golden.
I feel like that would be like one of those things where then they would like debate,
like, do we call the parents?
Do we not call the parents?
Like then it would just be, oh, your ruin is weak.
Not only do you get kept TV phone, you ruin your teacher's week.
He like goes home or she goes home to like their significant others.
And you're like, God damn John.
A lot of weird conversations in that house about naked children.
Yeah. On that, we're going to need to take a break. like god damn john a lot of weird conversations in that house about naked children yeah
on that we're gonna need to take a break i don't like the way that this is going 833-857-8665
it's cck on a thursday and yeah so we'll be right back we'll talk about anything but before we go
nascar is back it's the most iconic race in all of motorsports the great american race the daytona
500 watches nascCAR's biggest stars
battle it out for the most coveted win of the season. And Dave has gone all in on the sport
and will be heading back down to Daytona to witness the mayhem live. And this time,
he's bringing large and Uber driver Debbie with him. You for sure want to tune in to Daytona 500
on Sunday, February 16th at 2.30 Eastern on Fox. Or join the party and witness it live by getting your special Barstool ticket package at Daytona500.com slash Barstool.
Again, that's Daytona 500, February 16th on Fox or witness it live and you get your tickets at Daytona500.com slash Barstool. I switch phone numbers like clothes Why you can't answer me?
Cause I got more
Guess I blew my shawty from Florida to Hollywood
Got some gold, shit look big on me
Got some golds, it's a length on me
Yellow bitch, I'm rich, I rock and roll
The strippers in the strobe
Playing tricks on me, the stones hitting different
You supposed to be pissed at me
No, it's a symphony
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You ready?
Let's get it.
Hello, ladies.
I know you miss me, baby.
I don't think I met you before, though.
Put my number in your phone.
And when we get about to call, girl, call me up.
Put my number in your phone.
Just forget about your man, baby, call me up.
Put my number in your phone.
We got Spider in the background just losing his mind at this song right now.
But as soon as the song hit, we had Zah start dancing.
John and I both started dancing.
I look back and Spider's hyping the fuck out of himself back there.
When you were talking about the phones thing and this came to my head, I lost my mind.
What song is it?
I love it.
Trey Songz.
Trick or Trey.
Trey Songz.
Back in the day, Trey Songz in your phone.
It's very nice.
It's very nice.
I mean, it really hit us at the exact same time.
I wanted to punch you
Because
Zod did you see
John throwing stuff at me
The entire ad read
I was actually
Going to whisper in your ear
I was
I probably shouldn't do that
See here's the thing though
You could do that to me
Because I'm used to that
From like an IFB standpoint
I'm not used to people
Throwing shit at me
That doesn't throw you off
No
Really
No
That one doesn't throw me off
John would throw me off
First of all
Give me a little bit of credit
I already just said it.
I need you to say it again.
It was very impressive.
I'm an utmost professional.
I've always said it.
Whoever writes the ads on the serious end.
There's so long.
It's a great ad.
It makes me want to go check out these jeans.
The problem was the entire time I was reading it,
John's fat fucking face was trying to get my attention.
Whoa.
What does that mean?
Whoa.
That one
had some realness to it.
Go figure.
John's fat fucking face.
Go figure. I have some
frustration with you sometimes.
833-857-8665.
We've been talking about really everything.
We started with the Astros though.
So we've got Joe in Virginia.
Who's been on the line for a little bit and wants to talk a little baseball.
What's up,
Joe?
Hey,
first off,
I just want to say,
John,
you're,
you're the best.
You're hilarious.
I don't think you get that enough.
Oh,
that was sweet.
Very nice.
Thanks.
I needed that after fucking fat.
I am.
I guess I have to stay funny if I want to be this fucking fat.
Yeah. If you get skinny, you won't be funny If I want to be this fucking fat Yeah if you get skinny
You won't be funny anymore
What's up Joe?
Yeah
But then
My question is
Joe
So what do you think about
The Nats getting the information
Beforehand
About the Astros
And then do you think
It would have been awful
If Scherzer didn't win
A World Series?
Yeah I mean like
They
The Nationals got tipped off about the astros beforehand and i don't
know if it was about like buzzer it kind of just was like that they just knew the signs i guess and
the guys were tipping pitches or whatever uh i don't know i mean i don't know how much it helped
obviously i think with with strasburg it helped the most because that dude was tipping his pitches
and he kind of corrected it and he was lights out for the rest of the way.
So I don't know.
If he didn't get that warning, did the Nationals still win the World Series?
Probably not, which is, you know, shout out to Alex Cora for letting them know.
I'm a National fan and I would have been furious if we had lost the World Series.
Yeah, because, I mean, like now you're in the same boat as like the Yankees
where like those guys showed up to spring training,
and, like, Gary Sanchez and Aroldis Chapman,
like, they're all being asked about the buzzers
and whether or not they thought Jose Altuve knew that that slider was coming,
and the Nationals would have been in the same boat,
but they beat him anyway.
Yeah, well, John, stay golden.
Thank you very much.
Thanks for the call.
Go Astros.
Speaking of being an utmost professional, Jared not reacting at all while we were spitting water at each other.
That was some pro level shit.
Oh, it's coming out.
Oh, is it?
It's coming out.
Jared did not break stride one time.
So I initially I initially reacted to you guys and I didn't go into content mode, did not move the cameras.
I was watching it. I was like, fuck, did not move the cameras i was watching it i was
like i should move the cameras but i thought i got it i don't know how that happened but
now there's water literally everywhere yeah i'm in a white t-shirt too so it's technically
sexual harassment from you well no you started it yeah but you did you replied back first of all
it's always the person who retaliates it gets in trouble. And you exposed my nipple, so that's kind of on you.
I'm going to say in the court of public opinion as we're talking about this that it would be much more problematic for you to be spitting water on me and vice versa.
Oh, so it's okay for you to sexually harass me?
Yeah.
Good note.
That's the world we live in now.
That's what we call a double standard, John.
I've thought about this before.
Like when I write the blogs about Dan's ass, which I now written i think four uh in my time here my time here at parcel sports
only two incidences maybe four blog maybe a little i mean he he did also write a blog
but i realized and i'm very self-aware here if someone was to then write a blog about me
in that capacity very problematic sure but i can do it all right as long as it's only
funny if you're not actually doing it like if you guys were actually concerned that i was sexually
harassing you every day it'd be a problem okay actually now that i think about it i've written
five sexual harassment books because i also wrote one about brandon walker when he dressed as the
and he looked like a when he lost the bet during college football season. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. During what? During college football season.
And he had to dress like the elevator,
but it made him look like a gigantic milkman, a creepy one,
or somebody that escaped from in the south.
He looked like a gigantic milk bottle.
He didn't have the new haircut yet either.
So, I mean, it legit looked like it might be a straight jacket.
You don't really know, but I did.
I wrote a sexual harassment blog then too.
And I will say, I'll give myself credit here. I did ask Erica the last time I did it. Cause I
didn't know if pin national was down with the sexual harassment blogs. Cause now we have like,
they're pro. Well, we have like compliance now. So I did text her and I said, you know,
I did just sign a contract. Is this going to be a problem? And she said, no. And I said, okay,
good. Cause I got caught staring at Dan's ass again on the live stream. And she goes, well, what's left of it. We're golden here. No problem. Uh, so I'm not worried
about getting hit with sexual harassment for spitting water on your white t-shirt. We've got
Tori in Delaware. We're talking about in the first segment, we talked about people being on their
phones. I don't have no clue how we got there, but that's where we were. So Tori, what's up?
Hi guys. Hi. I want to say, I love you guys so much.
You make my rides home from school.
So entertaining.
Oh, thank you.
Call in more.
We need more female presence.
These guys are assholes sometimes.
Yeah.
You really liked that one.
I love it.
Casey had to step away from the mic and be like, yeah, crush that.
No, no, no, no.
It wasn't that I crushed it.
It was like, I get so happy when females call in because it really just makes me happy that girls are listening to the show and probably hating you guys as much as I do.
Tori, do you hate me?
Yeah, I listen all the time, and it's about 98% guys.
Oh, yeah.
But when I was still in middle school and high school and stuff, they renovated the school, so they put special wiring in the ceiling so your phone would just look for service all day and drain the battery.
Pretty smart. That's smart. Yeah. Air smart yeah airplanes are now these wires in them you think airplanes have that i think airplanes are built these wires in them why do you think that because i think the service
on an airplane even when you're on the ground is noticeably worse than it is in the airport
once you cross onto that i see what you mean i think it's I think the service is so much worse.
You're really only 50 yards away from where you were beforehand.
But once you get on that fucking plane in that tin can before takeoff, all that stuff, service is way worse.
I'm on board with that because if you leave this building, we talked about this the other day when we were walking somewhere.
You are connected to the barstool Wi-Fi for like three blocks.
Yeah, it's the worst.
It's the worst, but it's still connected.
You're trying to tell me that I can't get service inside the airplane?
I like this.
So, Tori, these wires, they look for service and they drain your battery, but do they give
you shitty service, too?
No, you get no service at all.
You'd either have to be in the auditorium, which you weren't allowed in unless you had
class or whatever, but you wouldn't get anything, so you would have to wait until the end of
the day. But that was on phones. You had would have to wait until the end of the day.
But that was when phones,
you'd like the flip phones and like the basic phones, not smartphones.
But then now they have pouches that you put your phone in,
in the beginning of the day and it locks.
And only the teacher has the magnetic lock to unlock it.
Like at stores with the security tags.
Damn.
That's like the new big thing.
That thank you for the call, Tori.
That, uh, that seems a little bit extra. Yeah. But kids are so innovative that they'll figure that out by the new big thing that thank you for the call tory that uh that seems a little bit
extra yeah but kids are so innovative that they'll figure that out by the end of next year you're
gonna have to you gotta keep up something new kids are gonna find out how to get that magnetic
lock open that's easy peasy what what if you just what it's like it's like when you're kidding and
you need access to porn yeah you got it okay well what if you you know like remember when they tried
the whole porn industry.
No, I don't, John.
Please inform me.
Thank God they gave up on this, where they tried to just say, you got to be 18 or put in your birthday to see this.
Or not.
It's like, yeah, we're going to shop with that fucking worthless firewall.
That was like a, that was a build the wall.
Only it was like with humongous human sized holes.
You can just walk right through this thing.
I don't think that they built that
wall thinking it would stop anybody. I think that that would
be protecting. I'm like, okay,
like we ask if they were 13. It's not our fault.
They lied to us. Yeah, they lied. It's their fault.
I live and they'd ask your birthday
and you'd just be like, I was born in 1643.
Let me see some ale.
Just to make sure you clear the bar like i'm 50 randomly select things like it's fucking just spin the wheel
speaking of spinning the wheel uh there's a new lower that was a really bad spin the wheel noise
yeah but i mean i was trying to you know it's like a clogged toilet you know it's like a koala
bear oh no i saw that video i didn't know they sounded like that it's really have you seen that like a clogged toilet. It's not like a koala bear. Oh, no.
I saw that video.
I didn't know they sounded like that.
It's really...
Have you seen that?
A koala bear?
No.
The sad thing is
is that you make those noises
in real life,
so I don't know if you're trying to...
Have you ever heard him
in the middle of the day, Jared?
He'll just be sitting back there
and he has his headphones on
so he doesn't understand that we can all hear and he'll just start grunting in the middle of the day, Jared? He'll just be sitting back there, and he has his headphones on, so he doesn't understand that we can all hear,
and he'll just start grunting in the middle of the day.
I don't know why.
Rudy describes it.
You just make noises.
Yes.
Like all the time.
I'm just a loud person.
I'm like, I was actually re-watching New Girl the other day,
and one of the Megan Fox episodes,
and she's going through like how she knows everybody and
she's like yo your deal is this and your deal is that and she gets to uh Jake Johnson's character
is Nick and she goes Nick's deal is he might actually be 50 years old and I think I'm that
way Rick I I like to get off I'm like there's a there's a chance I'm just I mean like I wear
like fucking wool pants this is a real chance I'm 65 years old. This is a real chance. I'm 65 years old.
But there's also a real chance that you're like five.
Yeah, yeah.
Because yesterday they had the pond hockey thing yesterday morning.
So he was like a little bit delirious.
And he was walking around like he was like a drunk, happy baby all day.
And all he did was just do a little bit of physical exercise.
I mean, just a little.
Just a little.
Rudy describes it as sitting next to a wild animal.
Which I think is incredibly accurate. Just a little. Rudy describes it as sitting next to a wild animal with the noise I make, which I actually
think is incredibly accurate.
And then when you start, when you get drunk, you do the same thing, but then you don't
follow it up with words.
So I just, I'm like, is there anything coming out of that?
No, you just wanted to make.
I'm like Max Mom.
You just got to learn to know what my noises mean.
Well, I don't even think you know what
they yeah that's a good point like does anybody know i don't think that you know that you're
making them half the time no i don't know it's completely not voluntary but your spin the wheel
noise was was shitty you snore incredibly loud it's amazing and and okay i'll tell you something
that's not what i'm like i'm not the noises to me are funny that's just funny the snoring is not i
if it was up to me i would not ruin other people's sleep.
But I'm unconscious, and I have no control.
I wish I could fix it.
I wish I didn't do it.
You could get surgery, right?
Oh, that's a whole thing.
They have to peel your fucking face back for that.
I don't go to surgery for the things that bother me.
You think I'm going to surgery for things that don't bother me?
Well, actually, I would actually say that I would think that if it bothered your girl enough,
you would rather keep her happy than keep yourself happy.
Yeah, if she was like, you got to do this.
Well, I'd do it.
And she hasn't said that yet.
No, she says white noise to her now.
People get used to it.
Oh, that's kind of romantic and sweet.
I couldn't do it.
Yeah, I definitely couldn't do it.
What?
Fuck me?
I mean, yeah, that too.
But I think he's saying he couldn't sleep next to you
well you gotta do both yeah to do one you gotta do the other all right yeah i feel like that would
be a process if jared was like can i come over and just sleep next to you because i want to
experience this yeah you gotta fuck me
i feel like everybody makes some sort of noises in their sleep, right?
It's like,
yeah,
I would think so.
It is kind of,
it's like,
um,
it's a little bit nerve wracking to think like,
what if you're sleeping next to somebody that's just not going to tell you
what noises you're making?
Like Kevin,
like sleep talks.
Like what if nobody ever told him that he sleep,
sleep talk,
I would get fixed.
I don't know how you do that one.
That's,
that's a problem.
Yeah.
We got to lock that up.
Yeah.
Would you rather sleep, talk or sleep, walk, walk, walk. See, I don't know how you do that one. That's a problem. Yeah. We got to lock that up. Yeah. Would you rather sleep, talk or sleep?
Walk, walk, walk.
See, I don't know.
Well, I'll fall down the stairs, whatever.
I'd rather fall on the stairs and fucking let out some deep internal secret.
Three years old.
We have a one night stand.
I'm fucking weeping like I'm on a therapist next to you.
Unpacking all this shit that I don't even remember in my conscious mind.
No fucking thanks.
But if you sleepwalk, then isn't it something where you could
start accidentally injuring
or murdering people too? I don't think the murder.
The injuring yourself, yeah.
If that's been
used as a defense, I'd like to know about it.
I think that it is. Like I was asleep?
Yeah, I'm sure.
That has to be it. Don't you think in the history of murders, don't you think that it is. Like I was asleep. Yeah. I'm sure that has to be it.
Don't you think in the history of murders,
don't you think that there's been some defense at some point that they were
sleepwalking?
They were trying to,
no,
that's definitely happened.
I mean,
successful.
I think like,
Oh,
a successful one.
Absolutely.
I know someone that was dating a cop that in the middle of the night was
trying to like get the gun out of his safe
while he was sleeping.
Sounds like he was just saying he was sleeping.
That doesn't sound real.
Oh, what was that?
I'm so sleepy.
You ever fake wipe sleep from your eyes?
No one fucking wipes
sleep from their eyes like that. You notice at 11am,
not right away.
Oh, yeah, I'm just getting up here. No, but you do rub your eyeballs. no one fucking wipes sleep in their eyes like that you notice at 11am not right away like oh yeah
I'm just getting up here
no but you do like
rub your eyeballs
yeah
I don't think I do
I guess I don't
Jared rubs his eyeballs
like even in the middle
of the day
when I'm like
when I'm rubbing my eyes
it means I'm tired
and it's not a conscious decision
he's like a kid
he like rubs
I'll rub my eyes
when I get tired
but it's like
not like around them
it's like on the eyeball
yeah like I'll just fucking like that it looks like I get tired. But it's like not like around them. It's like on the eyeball. Yeah. Like I was fucking
like that. It looks like it's painful
to me. It's not feel so good.
I don't like the way that you said
now you have sleep
in your eyes. Now you have something in your
eye. Here you go.
It's a whole fucking to do. It's a whole
fucking to do. We've got Alex in Connecticut
wants to talk about sleepwalking.
Alex, what's up?
Hey guys, How you doing?
Pretty good.
So I wanted to get your take on this about sleepwalking. So first of all, I think sleepwalking
is way worse than sleep talking.
I agree.
And case in point, my dad, we had an in-ground pool that was 10 feet deep growing up. And so
I woke up pretty early, pillow on an outdoor table that was next to the
pool like that's weird my dad came downstairs and was like oh did anything happen last night like I
don't know he said that he slept walk outside woke up outside with his feet right next to the pool
and it was covered so if he fell in like that would have been almost game over because nobody
knew where he was so sleepwalking takes the cake for me in my eyes.
Yeah.
I mean, I'd still just rather die than tell my secrets.
Also, I think it's bullshit.
I'm going to jump into a pool this year covered.
I don't think you drown.
I think you just go up on top of it.
Wait, what?
Yeah, no, I.
Like those, like, the pool covers that have.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're always like, you can't fall in because you get. What am i a fucking fish in a net i'll get out of that fucking i had
uh i had to rescue someone from that because this is when the first it's harder than you think that
it is i think we're gonna find out this summer the first ever like four locos came out and someone
passed out into a covered pool and but that's because you're drunk if you have yeah if you're
but if you're asleep
yeah his whole thing was the water wake you up well i don't know john i don't sleepwalk
i'm just saying i mean i've seen i feel like falling in the water wakes you up i've seen
stepbrothers they beat the shit out of each other and they don't wake up i don't know maybe a but
i'm just talking about as a capable human being who's conscious i think i could fall into one of those things and get out just fine okay i i agree with that but i i think i do actually i think that sleep walking is
probably much more dangerous but i would rather sleep walk than talk yes because i agree with you
i'd rather die than than who knows what would come out of my mouth? Spiders, probably. Ew, what's wrong?
Spider eggs.
Casey just straight up collapsed. Oh, yeah.
Think of like a pitcher's follow through
into like Indian style sitting.
It's dumb.
But that's probably what it is.
You get a bunch of them crawling your mouth every night when you sleep.
They do say that.
That's what they say.
Yeah.
I think it's kind of an urban legend.
No, it's not.
You don't think so?
No.
You think you eat seven spiders per year?
I don't know if it's per year, but I've definitely had a lot of bugs in my mouth.
As most people have.
Willingly or unwillingly? Unwillingly.
Unwillingly? Yeah, in your sleep.
You've been mouth-banged by spiders?
For sure. In REM cycle?
How many spiders do you see
when you're awake in your apartment? Probably not
many. No, but I'm saying
where... I used to live in a basement.
Before I moved to New York, I lived
in the basement of a four four story house and there were spiders everywhere.
Yeah.
Everywhere.
Like when I first moved in because I was like, oh, so like this guy's like renting out the house.
Like he probably just like didn't use the basement.
So that's why there's a bunch of spires down here.
So like I sucked them all up with the vacuum.
Like they were all like fucking webs are everywhere.
And then after living there for a few months, was like oh no these things are here to stay
like these guys like they live here too they're giving speeches we will not go quietly into the
night yeah like i had basically like like there would be some mornings where i wake up go to my
shower and there would just be like a fucking huge spider web in the shower with like a big spider
and then like you'd kill it and then like a few weeks later they're back yeah dude we had when i lived in the basement i we'd had
we had rats in our cabinets that you would be here and it would just be like like it was like
living next to loud neighbors like guys can you just quiet down like just wrestling around in the
cabinets like guys come the fuck on i don't want to open the cabinet and let you out, but can you just quiet down over there?
It's 1230.
Can we please?
Figure it out in the morning.
We got glue traps.
One night I came home after work, so it was like 7 p.m., but it was in a basement, so it was pitch black.
And I walked into my apartment, and like
six of them were stuck on one glue trap
and it was
it was pitch black so I didn't even know
what the noises were I'd forgotten about the glue traps
so I walk in and it's just
and it all just
like squealing and trying to get out
and I fucking finally
I run out because I was terrified I didn't know what the
screaming was so I just thought there was a baby in there and I run out I fucking finally, I run out because I was terrified. I didn't know what the screaming was. So I just thought there was like a baby in there.
And I run out. I fucking
realize, oh yeah, rats stuck to glue traps.
So I get a shovel.
I go in there, turn the lights on.
No, stop. No, so I go in
and turn the lights on. They had been
gnawing off their own legs.
What? No.
To try and get off the glue trap.
So I pick up the fucking glue trap, run out, just throw it in the street.
What the fuck?
You know what I thought he was going to say?
I thought he was going to say he took the shovel and he started beating the shit out of me.
No, I didn't have the stone.
I had a car run him over.
That's what happens when you throw him in the street, right?
It was actually in our back alley.
We had like a little sliding glass door.
We were on, what was it, Huntington?
Hathaway, Hathaway.
What's wrong with you?
And just threw it out into the back alley.
And then like three days later,
we had to bring out my trash
and it was just flattened in the middle of the road.
All of them were still on it or did they get away?
No, I mean, it was flattened.
So maybe one got away.
I couldn't tell.
At this point, they were one.
Did you hear?
John Feidelberg, a.k.a. the Jigsaw of Mice.
Yeah.
Did you hear what YP did with one of the dead mice
that was under Kevin's desk the other day? No.
He just put it on the ledge, like, outside, where
people go outside to, like, hang out during the day and smoke,
and there was just
dead mouth. Rhea was like,
what the fuck? Why is this happening?
Well, what a show.
I have no idea what I did to deserve talking about spiders and mice, but here we are.
We'll be back tomorrow.
Jared will be heading to Arizona for spring training, the Spikes Up Tour.
So make sure you check out that with Dallas.
It's going to be, I'm sure, a clown show just like it was last year.
So good luck, Jared.
Thank you.
And Kevin, John, and I will be back tomorrow.
CCK on a Friday.
You guys stay hot.