KFC Radio - CCK Podcast: Drinking Games and Poetry

Episode Date: August 12, 2019

All the drinking games we are too old for, but still play: Asshole, Beerpong/Beirut, King's Cup, Beer Die, Power Hour/Century Club, Waterfall, 7-11 Doubles and more. The Best of CCK includes: Marty at strip club, Jared's love poem, Marty's impromptu love poem, Kayce's Lil Wayne tattoo story, KFC's dad almost got a tattoo on his face, Zah's earring, the Barstool Lunch Tables, Drake & Millie, KFC's love/hate with the Mets, drug smuggling and underage drinking.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. KC, how important is a man's bush, or lack thereof? Option B. How important is a man's situation? Very important. I wish you would have led with that, not bush. Well, I mean, it's not good. that not bush well i mean it's i almost threw up my hair it's not good if you got a bush it's not good yeah especially if you've not

manscaped it at all yeah like you can maybe have some bush because you know i just hate the word bush it's manly i don't know you want you want it completely i just need it to be a good situation down there and usually that's like if it's kept up well, then yes, it's fine. Basically almost nothing. Yeah. Because, you know, sometimes people, maybe guys don't know. They get the manscaped equipment. They're like, how low do I go here?

You should go scorched earth. Yeah, I prefer, you know, like the less is better. Less is more, according to Casey Smith and girls everywhere. That's why you got to get manscaped. I think it's everybody, right? Yeah. Not just girls.

I don't know. Fights is like on, he's been saying Bush is back for like five years. I'm like, dude, you're going on five years. It's not working. Well, nothing he says is ever true anyway. So if you are anybody but fights, you want to stick with the times.

You want to make your girl happy. You want to be clean, hygienic, and continue to get laid. You got to get manscaped. The number one in men's below-the-belt grooming. They offer precision-engineered tools for your family jewels. It comes with an electric trimmer, lawnmower 2.0, the skin-safe technology, so it won't snag or nick or cut you at all.

And so there's no accidents. That's a thing of the past. There's no bush. That's a thing of the past. And you don't want to use the same trimmer on your as you do below the belt so you have separate equipment and they also have anti-chafing ball deodorant and moisturizer i mean that's another thing you know how many times have you ever been like oh this is not a good situation this is not a good aroma this is not a good not not as much as an adult

but when you're younger like college is like listen well because even i mean if you think about it it's one thing if you're like going on a date or whatever but like you know if you go out right from work to happy hour and from happy hour to the bar and bar home like you know nobody's gonna be there freshest no well if you have the ball deodorant the same way you keep your pits fresh all day you can keep your whole situation all clean all day. How nice of you guys. Honestly, think about the women sometimes, man.

Manscaped.com, promo code KFC, 20% off, plus free shipping, all the right tools. You, your balls, the girls, they'll all thank you. Manscaped.com, promo code KFC. A lot of things have changed since you became an adult. Your balls get fresher. What an ad read by you, Kevin. Your drinking gets more sophisticated and it becomes less fun, less dangerous, less storyline-based. You don't do it for the story anymore.

Back then, you used to all be doing it for the story. That's why you taped 40s to your hands, and that's why you did shots of terrible drinks, and you chugged as much as you could, and did keg stands, and played games. Oh, keg stands are still fun. Casey. No, listen. You're too old for keg stands.

I'm way too old for keg stands. But when the 4th of July, I haven't done it in a couple years because living up in the Northeast is obviously different than just living in Texas, but we would do a throwback 4th of July. I haven't done it in a couple years because living up in the Northeast is obviously different than just living in Texas. But we would do a throwback 4th of July reunion every year. And all of us from college, even if you had kids, like you'd find babysitters for like the 4th or whatever.

And you had to do a keg stand as soon as you got into my house. Because we had it out by the pool. How many seconds do you think you could keg stand right now? Oh, man. It kind of depends on like how cold it is and like the circumstances. Yeah, it depends on the adrenaline too. It depends on like, am I trying to prove somebody wrong

or whatever? Trying to prove somebody wrong in case you'll be on there for like four minutes. I drown myself. I'm trying to prove somebody wrong. I drown myself. I don't know.

I mean, kickstands to me, obviously they're the most ridiculous things ever and I'm way too old to be doing them. But when you do do them, I mean, anytime you could be upside down, it's just, yeah, I kind of have a pretty strong rule

at this point. Keep my feet on the ground. Just in general. In general. I'm trying to think of something off of things i'm not climbing on things i'm not flipping upside down uh unless you're gonna do a keg stand we should do a cck keg stand day sometime i'm just like throwing all these ideas even like you're like a cck keg stand day i don't know. I'm picturing like Jared trying to do a keg stand. No way he'd do it. With his hair fucking flopping around. See, I keep throwing out all these ideas like throughout this program that we've done this radio show together.

None of them have stuck. One day it's going to stick. Well, one day what we could definitely do is have like a trash bag drinking day. Like next Friday, we'll all drink 40s or something like that. Okay. That makes you feel we should do power hour we should do uh like power hour will fuck you up i don't care how old you are yeah you ever do the century club what's that 100 shots in 100 minutes

no no it's like a power i mean yeah it just goes 40 i don't think i could do that uh an hour and a half 40 minutes yeah that was really tough for us yeah I don't think I could do that hundred shots of beer shot I mean I could again it's proving somebody wrong so I could two ounces

so every six shots is a beer twelve ounces so so you're doing like you're doing like eight or nine beers probably yeah I could do it

out of spite I wouldn't feel great at the end of it if I did if I did eight or nine beers right now in under two hours i would be in i'd be fucked yeah and it depends on what beer too like we talked about on cck this week but ice we used to fuck around with some but i steering power hour no no no you're not good you're doing the central club of but ice you'll make it to like halfway well it'd be like would you use like

natty light bud light whatever something like i think okay let's do that it was uh it's a bad idea but we should do it it's a long time that's the thing it was like that's almost like what you're doing for the night a power hour is kind of like a good pre-game when you're pushing like upwards of two hours it's kind of like that's what you're doing i feel like power hour too it's like it can either turn into a great night or you're just never leaving you're just never like you get one of the really good mix on like youtube you can make a night out of that i love drinking games i don't care i will be 60 fucking years old if i make it there something to do and i will be playing drinking while you do it i just think it's i played beer dive for the first time recently what's that yeah it's a very it's a midwest thing it's awesome though you uh it's awesome because you sit down the whole time oh

i like that too. You sit on four corners of a table, like a beer pong table. And it's you. The guys on the same side of the table are your partner. And you take a die and you have to throw it a certain height. I thought you were talking about food coloring die for... No, no, no. You're talking about dice.

Okay, yes. And you have to throw it a certain height, which is pretty high, but it's basically like everyone just kind of eyeballs. It's supposed to be above someone's head if they're standing up. It's got to fall past the halfway point of the table. Okay. The idea would be to get it in the cup. You put four cups on each corner.

If you get it in, that's worth three points. You play to 11. You score one point by the die hits and falls to the ground, you get a point. So you kind of play defense. It's like catch the die as they bounce. But you just sit there. But my friends will, like, fucking dive and bust their elbows skin their knees i'm like if it's within my reach i grab it if it's not i ain't getting out of my chair yeah i wouldn't so i just

sat there just drinking lobbing dice trying to dunk it in the cup if not trying to like get it to rattle around hit the ground on my side i try to catch some dice play to 11 drink never stand up it's great i've never heard of that. Yeah, it's very like these guys from Chicago play it. I think like just the Midwest is kind of where it thrives. We play beer pong, South. You ever heard of it called Beirut? Yeah.

That was a big argument when I was in Boston if it's called Beirut or beer pong. Yeah, I feel like beer pong has kind of won that battle over the years. But when I was first doing it, it was like 50-50. And then people were like, oh, you can't call it Beirut because that's talking about dropping bombs in the Middle East. I was like, me was first doing it it was like 50 50 and then people were like oh you can't call it beirut because that's talking about dropping bombs in the middle east i was like we're playing drinking so what terrorism in the middle east whatever we're drinking 999 keystone to get drunk we don't care about them yeah like blow me up like i'm about to blow myself up with what i'm about to do this night have you ever done chandeliers we could do that on radio

i feel like i know that like term you get the huge schooner of beer or whatever and then you have like shot glasses all around and you bounce quarters all fall in and no and if you like get it in the schooner like you get to pick somebody has to chug the whole thing if you get it in the shot glass they have to take the shot and you can just sit and do it like while you're doing other things i don't think i've ever played that i i feel like i've every drinking game that you throw out there i feel like i'll be like i've tried that that one that you just every drinking game that you throw out there, I feel like I'd be like, oh, I've tried that. That one that you just threw out is just mind-fucked me. I have to.

Beer Dye? Yeah, Beer Dye is like a, and the people who play it. Also, it's Midwest and New England, because Dave played in the Brownie Beer Dye tournament. Maybe like old people in New England? And that was like a big. What does that mean? I'm okay with it.

I'm just, all these things are coming back to me now. We used to play quarters, but then there was also one with a ping pong ball into a beer pong cup that you bounced, which obviously is very easy. So it was like a bounce and you, you move it along. It was almost like a musical chairs thing.

So it was like easy to bounce it in, but then you pass it along the circle. And if it gets, Oh, that's what it was. It was like, you have a cup and a ball and I have a cup and a ball. We're sitting on opposite sides of the circle, and it catches up to you.

So if you struggle to get it in, if it catches up to you, you have to drink. So it's relatively easy. Kind of like flip cup, but not. Yeah, it's like flip cup, but you ever play that board game Shark Attack? Yes. Where if the shark caught up to you around, you were dead. It's kind of like that. It's like quarters with shark attack.

And when someone, when they get the yipsips and they know it's coming up on them and they can't bounce it in and then it's like you're under pressure yeah you know what we should do because we've talked about pool games before too on cck we should have some sort of like drinking game day that also you play the pool games like sharks and minnows and like all those all those games yeah what i like doing is like we were playing beer die and we were just like cups of water and everyone was just like sipping beer on the side it was just like something to do because no one at this i was at a bachelor party everyone's like 35 years old kids whatever we get like crippling hangovers no one's interested in like slugging like chugging a whole beer ripping a half a handle of this or that and it was like

we're just gonna steadily drink the whole time we'll be fucked up but we're just playing games to entertain ourselves at this point i wish that i was that grown up you just want to you just want to be like not all the time but i feel like if we're gonna be playing like the last time i played a drinking game was on the way home from atlantic city uh with pft and kelsey from upstairs and we were playing king's cup and i was just like when we get to the waterfall card that ace card and we're like we're like well we're gonna have a person were you in waterfall i you're gonna fuck somebody over and it depends on who who was in the group and how mad i was at the person sitting next to me or whatever spiteful girl answer well it depends on whose boyfriend she yeah no uh i i would never be the person that would like purposely finish my whole drink to be the asshole but i was definitely gonna put in some

effort and then the never have i ever like that card i don't know everybody has the different rules for king's cup but ours was always five and you did five never have i evers i'm telling you as an adult way different than when you're well i mean as an adult everyone's just done it all no everyone's like it's hard to come up with things that you have to come up with non like sexual things or like you're like you only have to go with like it's like new like i don't i don't i can't remember back in in the day playing kings being like never have i ever eaten someone's ass because it just hadn't like happened yet you know yeah it just wasn't a thing yet i feel like at some point on the on that ride home from lansing i was like never have i ever been to germany like i couldn't even like think of anything like it's lame now never have i

ever been to the smithsonian never been to valley forge and seen the confederate like nobody fucking cares at some point like you're like i've done everything and i also work at barstool sports so everybody never have i ever taken a bus in new york city i don't know we were doing uh i still have a friend like if we if we get this group of friends together, I think we were doing categories, and it was something as simple as rappers. She went second. Someone was like, Ja Rule,

and this girl panicked. It was rappers. She was like, and I think someone said Ja Rule because this song was on, and it was featuring this guy. She's going second, and she goes, Bobby Brown.

And it was the Ja Rule and Bobby Brown song that was playing. And I mean, to this day, if we ever see this girl, we're like, Bobby Brown. And she's just like, we all, everyone knows exactly what it means. It was just number two on rappers. I feel like I could go on categories on rappers for like three days. Yeah, but you know what? It's kind of like that game Frankie plays on Barstool radio under the gun or whatever. Your brain is short.

He asked me one time, like what college has a mascot of a wildcat? And my entire career is based around college football. And I was just like, like, I just didn't even know. No, I know. But I mean, when you're under the pressure, have you played presidents and assholes? That's also a good one. I feel like again, I know these seven, 11 doubles doubles i'm just having all these like memories that one that one that's where you can get like stuck with the dice right you have to roll a 7 or 11 to get out of it

or something people start well no like somebody else is rolling and you're chugging until and if yeah and if they hit a 7-eleven or doubles while you're chugging they do the whole thing so then you get you start feeling bad for people you're just like i'm just gonna give you like a little sip of beer yeah wait so i start chugging and i have i finish then i'm safe like then i'm done but as long as you set it down right but if i roll a 7 and 11 or any doubles so while the person's chugging they have to keep going yeah i remember like grabbing grabbing grabbing grabbing roll roll roll roll oh yeah like you do it as quick as possible and it was almost like cheating like you have to almost kind of let him settle like no you grabbed it too quickly oh yeah that one gets heated and that's whenever

whoever you're playing with is an asshole that's when you really get to be vindictive like okay you are going to drink yeah for a long time right and then you say i i feel like at some point you you start feeling bad that you're rolling a seven whatever it's like when someone's stuck in like monkey in the middle or marco polo you You get stuck on Marco Polo when you're a kid. It's the worst thing in the world that can happen to you. Yeah. You just start cheating eventually. It's like, come on, just open your eyes.

Sharks and minnows, same way. Like if you're a shark and you just can't catch a minnow, it's sad. You get bullied for that kind of stuff. Yeah, bank time. That'll shape your whole life. You know what I mean? It's true. You'll end up like in the gutter without a job.

If you stunk. Like what happened? Where'd you go wrong? You stuck with the shark for too long. If you stunk at pool games as a kid... You have no friends. You never get laid. Yeah, no, never.

You're a virgin. Your whole life is over. Those are the kids who shoot up to school. Probably. Yeah. I think that's problematic, but whatever. We're just drawing conclusions here. Those are just factual cause and effects.

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with your first bid pack purchase. That's deal-dot-com, promo code KFC. Start bidding today and you get 100 bids. Deal-dot-com, promo code KFC. What's up, everybody? It is a Monday. It's August, Marty Mush, which means football is happening.

Thursday, we got games. We made it. We're here. I mean, it still feels like the actual NFL and college football season is a year and a half away. But the fact that we can say it's all happening this month, I guess the regular season doesn't start until September for the NFL, but whatever. When's first college? So week zero, which by the way, what the fuck is week zero?

I love weeks because that's one of the teams that I love betting on. So that's why I like it. Florida Miami is week zero this year. Really? Yeah. So the 24th I think is that Saturday? It's usually like UAB and like some crazy teams. Yeah, but it's the, those two are week zero and that's

like three Saturdays from now. Oh no. Kevin's getting Wally pips by Marty one minute into the show. I quickly lost track of time. I've been done for a little bit. I was like, oh, shoot, it's time for radio. And I see Mush is already in the fucking captain's seat. Watch out.

I was under the impression that you were not going to be here for the first segment, so I invited my best friend, Marty. I see what's going on here right behind my back. I'm a little fucking leaveable. How the hell are you, Kevin? I'm doing good, leaveable how the hell are you i'm doing good you rat bastard how are you i'm great man how was your weekend it was something what'd you get into that's what i was gonna ask he's got this look on his face as if he's got a story you got it it was weird it was weird friday because friday we all went out like tommy and me and quigs and a couple people here. Around 2.30,

everyone dispersed. These two girls took me and Quigs in a car. I was like, where are we going? They wouldn't tell us. Where were you? On the island? No, in the city. Weird. They had the car? No, it was an Uber.

We're all four of you sitting in the back? No, I sit in the front of Ubers, even though I'm not allowed in them really. But that's all right. That's, hello. Stone cold. Stone cold, yeah. Stone cold. Stop.

Yeah. So, yeah. So they were probably in the car for about 25 to 30 minutes. I was like, all right, where are we going? I want to go home. I ended up at a strip club in Queens. Okay. Are you club guy no okay not one bit i did not so you definitely can't i didn't spend one dollar at this club besides for like a drink which i would never spend it on no but we ended up being there from two o'clock in the morning to eight o'clock in the morning

whoa we walked out in the in the light it's me and quigs and these two girls that's a it's a low point but it's also no no i i was gonna say if you go i think if you go to a strip club you might as well make it like a memory you know like go go big because like if you go to a strip club for like a couple hours you blow a bunch of money and you know you get blue balls it's like all right what was that about but now you're gonna be telling the story of you know when you walked out at 8 a.m six hours no money and you didn't spend any money i spent like 40 hours to get in were you because other people were spending money for you or what like how do you how do you exist i mean a strip club is one of those places where like they're gonna make you buy drinks they're gonna make you buy dances how do you

just exist and not spend money shoot them away just say. You just say no? I literally was like, no, I don't want to dance. So you didn't get a single lap dance? Nope, not one single lap dance. Or the other guy's getting lap dance? Well, we don't want to narc on anybody, but I'm saying my point being, were you just sitting? Okay, so it's just you two sitting there like. With the two girls.

Did the girls get lap dances? The one girl was like obsessed with like just taking dollars. I gave her like a couple of dollars to throw. Oh, what a generous guy. They're not so cheap. Give her a couple of dollars to throw. Oh, what a generous guy. They're not so cheap. Give her a couple of dollars. It was like $3. I gave her.

She was throwing away. But at 7 o'clock all year, it's on the announcements. We are now serving breakfast. Oh, my God. And people are eating eggs and shit. It was fantastic. At the club? Yeah.

They serve breakfast at strip clubs? Yep. I just don't even. The idea of eating food. Holy shit. And I know that there are strip clubs that have good food and I understand that. The idea of eating at a strip club to me, it's an oxymoron. You can't have that.

They got sushi at Flashdance. I would have loved to do it. That is horrific. A lot of tuna. In the middle of the, the DJ started playing Baby Shark. In the middle. That shit plays, bro. It was like Baby Shark.

Were girls dancing it? Were they like twerking a bit in Baby Shark? And then like he would like stop it. He goes, Baby, in the middle. That shit plays, bro. It was like Baby Shark. Were girls dancing it? Were they twerking a bit in Baby Shark? And then he would stop it. He goes, Baby, slap that ass. And then he goes, Shark. I was like, what the fuck is going on? Yo, that's a long time in a strip club to not spend any money. That's almost impossible.

What a move we mean Quakes pulled, too. So these girls, this girl reached over to me. She goes, do you do coke? I was like, I don't know. I don't know. Do I? You tell me, girl. So then she's like, well, we're going to go. She goes, do you do coke? I was like, I don't know. I don't know. Do I? You tell me, girl. So then she's like, well, we're going to go in the bathroom and do it.

And you give it to us. And we'll give it to you. I was like, OK. And Quigs is sitting there like he has no idea what to do. And they give it to us. I was like, Quigs, do you do it? He goes, no. I was like, thank God.

We don't either. So we both, I literally threw the coke in the urinal rather rather than just say like no you can keep your own drugs you took it and threw it in the urinal did you pretend you were high on cocaine that's the best part because i peed i peed on the coke i left it in there and then i said quigslist when you go back to start sniffling and he all right when he goes back he starts like his leg starts he starts doing it you're grinding your jaw he's got his i was just kept sniffling and shit oh my god it was unbelievable one of the best when they like boy you guys you guys really did a lot of work you guys are ready to go they acted like they've been railing lines all night

they've had like a tiny little bit and they're acting like they've been on a bender for three days. The relief on Quigs is I was almost preparing myself to do it. I didn't know what we were doing. You guys do such fucking... That's hilarious. I can remember smoking cigarettes pretending because girls are outside smoking. I'm like, yeah, sure.

I'm sitting there like... She was like, do you cough? Do you smoke? I was like, yeah, no, I smoke all the time. He's talking about, but for you guys to almost get bullied into doing cocaine in a strip club bathroom, that's, I mean, when in Rome and instead of just saying, well, okay, even if you didn't want to say no, the fact that you actually threw it in the toilet as if they thought you were going to go do their entire amount of cocaine. Like, you know how that works.

So you can do a tiny little bit. No, I don't know how it works. So you can do a tiny little bit. No, I don't know how it works. I am the worst at drugs. So wait, yeah. Did they, did they give you what they thought was enough for just you two?

Or did you throw out like the remainder of their drugs? See, that's what we didn't know. We're like, we don't know how much is in here. Like we don't know how much. I honestly wouldn't. I mean,

I mean, I would know like, you know, if it was a whole bag, I would understand. It's like, they probably expect you to come back with something. Exactly.

But they didn't say anything. They were like, okay, should i'm legitimately curious i literally have no idea it was a big ass big ass ziploc bag and you threw the whole thing and of course yeah but it wasn't like i didn't see it wasn't like half it was like a little to the corner i have no idea i was very very we're talking like a full size ziploc bag or like a little drug baggie? It was a, like you put a sandwich in it. You threw a sandwich bag worth of Coke in the urinal? But it was, I didn't see it all. Stop looking at me like that. I can't believe this.

These girls must have been like, what the fuck? No, yeah, they definitely didn't like us. I don't know, but they might have because we were there until 8. I don't even know. Yeah, because they were on cocaine, so they didn't give a shit. That's true. I guess we were just the only other guys. But the fact that you threw that in the toilet is wild.

Okay, so let's say that's the Ziploc bag, right? And this is bad radio. So was the little corner of it that full? That's what I think. The corner. Yeah, it wasn't like halfway filled up right there. Got it. Because then I would have been like, I can't throw that out. It wasn't like halfway filled up right there. Got it. So it was just like a corner.

I can't throw that out. Right. But you never know how much I threw out. If it was a huge amount, they probably would have commented like... Like, what the fuck? Where's the rest of our drugs? Did you do all of that cocaine? But seeing how dramatic Quigs was with the whole thing,

you would have thought he did like heroin. He was like itching all over the place. He's like, guy put on a goddamn show. Give him the Academy Award. Sitting in a strip club pretending to be high on cocaine for six hours. And they've just been paying attention to people who are actually high on cocaine. They're like, this is how I'm supposed to act. Like straight out of the movies.

It was unbelievable. Sniffling jittery jaws. Johnny Depp and blow. Oh my God. They're pretending to be fucking Johnny Depp. I gotta show you this. We took a picture when we got out of like the strip club too and it's just like we look like such scumbags right there

oh we gotta put this out oh my god i mean the sun is shining yeah it wasn't i mean i know he just told me that that they partied till the sun came out but when you see the picture and you realize the sun is bright there's shadows in the background and it's a live photo you gotta hold it down Marty does this like head bob like yo what up I'm out of the club

Marty you wanna text that to me it literally is oh my god it looks like the scene out of Varsity Blues I mean it looks like they're going to work

in the morning it looks like happy fucking Sunday morning the last shot of the live shot Marty looks like he actually might be

high on cocaine. You never know. Who even knows? I don't know what I need to do. Honestly, this is why I was thinking about this not too long ago. Not because of this reason, but this actually just bolsters my argument. I was thinking about blogging compared to sports. I was a very clear prime for sports.

Let's call it 24 to maybe 30 let's say is like your athletic prime and i was thinking about blogging prime because technically this is something we can do forever you know what i mean and in a lot of ways you know dave dave's probably just hitting his prime now as like a four-year-old but i think that there's something about being young like in your 20s where you're gonna have stories like that yeah like i'm not gonna be i'm not gonna come on the air and be able to tell you a story about being in the strip club until 8 a.m. for six hours pretending to do cocaine to try to hook up. At least I fucking hope not.

That would be a tough 34-year-old story. That would be rough. That is true. That would be one. 25, single, and just like so stupid stuff. Yes, that's where. And listen, maybe I'll have those stories one day. I certainly can't say them.

So either they're not happening or you're not going to hear about them. But for Marty, they're happening and you're hearing about them. It's prime years. Can you picture those two idiots in the bathroom stall together of a strip club? Do you want it?

Do you want it? I don't want it. What should we put in? Should we put it in the bracket? Should I give it back? Should we give it to him? Should we give it to her? No, you put it in the...

Should I put it in the toilet? Should I put it in the sink? You put it in the urinal. I'll just pee on it. Do you think we should leave a little bit under our nose so it really looks like we did it? Get a nosebleed. Get a nosebleed. Punch me in the nose. Punch me in the nosebleed my nose will bleed and then the thing i'm definitely doing it yeah

for people that don't know quigs like when he goes out to it's so funny like he just was so worried about the whole thing we got out of the business you peed on it you could have brought it back out i was like i didn't know i didn't want to have it on me i don't know no i could see where uh i could see where if some I, here's what you should have done. To be perfectly honest, you should have just been like, I don't do cocaine. Yeah,

no, that would have been the smart thing. But listen, we all do dumb things and we all like go with the flow, try to hook up with girls. So in that sense, once she's given it to you, you can't give it back.

No, you can't come back from the bathroom and be like, uh, I changed my mind. You can either say no up front and just be like, Hey, listen, that's all good. You do yours. I'm not going to do mine. Like I'll do my thing. You do yours. But once you say yes, if you come back and be like, nevermind, then you're a weirdo and she's going to leave. We're at the strip club for two hours already. And it's like, well, we're already this deep

in, we got to try and you're undercover at this point. You're committed to the... But you know, I'm surprised that, I mean, and obviously you're in public, so you can't all walk into the bathroom, especially at a strip club, but I'm surprised that they didn't want to do it with you. Because that story would have been like,

would you have done it? Oh yeah, that would have been tough. If they would have been like, let's go do it in the parking lot together. Oh God, I don't know what we'd do. You know what you got to do?

We once filmed a, we once did like a blackout tour documentary like behind the scenes we had these other people do it it wasn't a barstool thing and they said when and because they were like filmmakers and they make like little short story type films whatever and they said whenever they're doing it on camera they blow out so it like disappears it looks like it's gone but it's actually just blowing away so you gotta you gotta do it the right way where you can't see it like dusting everywhere but if you're doing like a little key bump and you yeah you would you'd have snot all over yeah he would he would find a way to mess that up maybe like do

you know that you have to snort it like you have to inhale you don't blow it out i don't know what i was doing because by the way i mean you know and did they stay the whole time? Yeah. Because I understand them making it till 8 a.m. If you're not on PEDs, by the time 4, 5, 6, 7 o'clock rolls around, weren't you guys like, I'm tired? Exhausted. Were you drinking Adderall? Yeah, we were drinking. Did you take Adderall?

No Adderall. So Marty took Adderall when we went to AC, like a tiny, tiny little bit. Very sensitive to Adderall. Off the walls. I'm like this. I saw it hit him. I looked over behind me in the car we were taking and he was just staring straight

ahead. I gave him like 10 milligrams and he was just like, uh-oh. I catch on to one thing, I think about it for like 25 minutes. Your brain is just like a puppy running in circles and then on Adderall, it's like the puppy's got a bone and it's just focused.

You know in 21 Jump Street whenever that drug hits them that's what Marty looks like on the teeniest amount. I've never done Adderall and I feel like I would be the same way. I feel like I would be

at all. I don't want that. I don't want that feeling. No, it's not. I mean I get the idea of like you get to party longer and all that shit but the actual feeling of it where everyone's like,

you're laser-focused. I'm like, no thanks. I don't like that idea. I want to zero in on one thing or be freaking out about one thing. I took it in college to actually study. That's another thing. I never got doing drugs to do schoolwork. If I'm going to do drugs, it's going to be for fun.

But it's made for that i know but i also i mean i just never cared enough or was doing poorly enough in school where i was like i need this i was just like i'll just get it done doing exactly what i need when i get tired through it i'm gonna go to sleep yeah exactly my my thing i would do when i first started taking it was because i would want to stay up all night to write papers yeah like i would wait till the very last minute be like okay you just need the time i gotta yeah i got 24 hours to write this paper i'm gonna be awake for 18 of them like yeah exactly yeah but now it's peds for partying and marty just a stoolie saw me in there too and the strip club yeah i haven't been to a strip club since we've like

blown up yeah because i think that is uh that was tough as well again it's different it's like but also in the club if i'm in if i go to a strip club right now i mean the people who already don't like me and have a problem with me talking about lebron's fucking shoe because i have i had a marriage issue imagine me if i was just sitting in the strip club by myself or something imagine imagine if it was like i was i i saw kfc in the strip club with marty and two girls and they all got up and went to the bath like i mean forget it you like this right you're nodding right you sing, forget it. You like this, right? It's jet ski. You're nodding, right? You sing along to it, right? You like the lyrics.

They're rhyming. They're poems. No. They're poems. No. Rap music is a poem, bro. No, it's not. And also, like, I do think poems have to rhyme.

Yeah, I mean, I agree. Haikus are weird. They are a lot better when they rhyme. Yes. You like the word haiku, but you don't like haikus. Yeah, I don't really agree. Haikus are weird. They are a lot better when they rhyme. Yes. Like the word haiku, but you don't like haikus. Yeah, I don't really understand. I don't know what it is. Do you know what a syllable is? Syllable?

Yeah. Yeah, like the math one syllable. Yes, correct. You clap it out like Kevin. Yes, there you go. So haiku has to have like 12 syllables, 15 syllables, 12 syllables, or some shit like that. Like each line has to have a number of syllables. You never had to do those in high school?

I feel like we had to write haikus in high school. We definitely did, but Marty's fucking... You just didn't fucking do it. Remarted. Like people always still... They still think I'm not, like I'm just not wanting to be smart. Like I don't remember this shit.

I was screwed when I got out. Oh, Jerry. Jerry's here. We're talking poetry because Marty Mush does not know, understand, or appreciate a good poem. Our poetry guy, Neil, he called in to talk about a date that he wanted to take the three of us on. This guy was just talking and Marty thought it was a poem. He's like, is the poem still going? I was like, this guy's just inviting us to a football game, Marty.

This is not a poem. I couldn't believe it wasn't a poem. What is actually wrong with you? He's remarked it. A lot. I mean, like, poems are sentences. So what I did is I figured we'd have a little poetry session here with Marty Bush. Because as we came back from the break, he was nodding his head and singing along to Jet Ski.

And I'm like, dude, these are poems. This is the same shit. It is the same thing. Have you ever heard of Shel Silverstein? No. Sarah Silverstein. Shel. Have you ever heard of Shel Silverstein? No. Sarah Silverstein. Shel. Silverman.

Sarah Silverman. Where the sidewalk ends. You don't know that one? No. I know Robert Frost. There is a place where the sidewalk ends and before the street ends and there grows grass soft and white and the sun burns crimson bright and there the moon bird rests his flight to cool in the peppermint wind.

Leave us this place where the smoke blows black and the dark street winds and bends past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow. We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow. And watch I'm just watching

Marty. And watch where the chalk white arrows go to the place where the sidewalk ends yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured slow and we'll go where the chalk white arrows go for the children they mark and the children they know the place where the sidewalk ends

see like that's just insane like who is saying that to their significant other oh first of all my thoughts are i thought you were talking about a fork in the road i thought we can do that that's that's that's a famous one the road not taken by robert frost two birds diverged in a yellow wood you know that one two roads diverged in a yellow wood and sorry i could not travel both and be one traveler long i stood and locked down as far as i could yeah Yeah, I mean, it is funny because, you know,

that poem is just like, why is that one like the most famous one ever? They all kind of, they all sound the same. But you know what, if you read a rap song, I was going to do it. I don't, I get phone cleanse, don't have my phone. I was just going to start reading a rap song like I was reading poetry.

It would sound the same way. He'd probably be like, oh, that stinks. It's like, oh, well, it's a Millie. But if I gave you... Real G's move in silence like lasagna. He'd probably be like, oh, that stinks. It's like, oh, well, it's a Millie. But if I gave you... Real G's move in silence like lasagna. I shit in six pants. If a guy literally was very serious, like your boyfriend for like four months just said, I wrote you a poem, you wouldn't smack him?

No, I probably wouldn't. I mean, the reason that we make fun of the poems on this very program is because when people call in, they're usually really funny and we make fun of them. Yeah, but that's also like a random stranger. Well, right. That's what I'm saying. Your actual boyfriend gave it to you? I'd be so mad. I wouldn't be mad. But listen, you know if you're dating

a poetry guy. Yeah. And if you dated that guy, you're down with that whole scene. I confess to make heaven. You're a poetry guy. I'm not. Hold on. Hold on. Oh my God, Jared. Have on. You've written poetry. Oh, my God, Jared. Hold on. Have you written a poem?

Yes. This is why we do these segments. All right. I want to come clean about this. I want to get out in front of it. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. There we go.

Zaz, how are you laughing? Zaz, get ready for the spin zone, bro. Get ready for the rocket spin zone. Get ready for the purr, purr, purr, purr. So I think I was clearing his throat and everything. I think I was a freshman in college. He's bright red right now, folks.

He can't even make any eye contact. This is why I love Barstool because I said this the other day on KSU Radio. I admitted that I raped myself the other day and I was like, why did I do that? I was like, why did I say that out loud? I didn't have to tell anybody. I didn't have to tell anybody in the world that. I don't have to say that.

And you don't have to do this, but you're doing it because you're a slave to the content, and I, for one, appreciate it. Be careful, because sometimes you tell a story about a 14-year-old on a cruise ship, and you're accused of being a rapist. I'm ready to own this. Okay. So my defense is that- Just tell it first.

No defense first. No, no, no. You gotta tell the story first. I need to start with the defense. My defense is, it was an assignment. Like we had, it was a creative writing class when I was a freshman in college. We got asked to write a poem. Right.

I didn't have to write it about a girl. No. Nope. Could have wrote about baseball. I did. We had to write three. I wrote one about Manny. I actually, I probably still have them.

I can probably get them. Oh, boy. So I didn't have to write about a girl, but I did, and I didn't have to use it as my AIM away message. But you did. But I did. Oh, boy. But I did. Did she know it was about her?

She definitely knew it was about her. Did she like it? I mean, I don't expect you to remember all of it. Oh, no. Oh, it was a depression poem? Oh, that's even worse. What's wrong with you? Yeah.

It was emo and sad. Like what? Like unrequited love? Like letting her go when you still love her. Oh, my God. You romantic. But wait. So were you dating her?

Yeah. And then there was a breakup, and then you wrote the poem. Did she break up with you because of the poem? No, she fucked my friend. Oh, the best friend. Yeah. But it was like a while after that. You know what?

I kind of respect that move. Rather than writing the angry poem, just lean into the depression. You know the story? His best friend fucked his girlfriend. On his birthday. On his birthday. The most depressing thing you've ever heard in your life. And you wrote a poem.

This was after it happened. This was like, it happened. I kind of like it, Marty. It's laying on so thick. It was like it happened. Like nine months went by. And it's like, all right, can we get past this? I feel like I'm never going to forgive you for this.

I'm always going to think of that when I see you. Yeah, that's good. That's spite. Spite's going to try and fuck a mother. No, no no no that's like this is like low-key shit though this is this is subtle up with like uh her sister and her cousin okay good i like the cousin better yeah the cousin's like she really went deep into the family to get back at me yeah i think the sister's worse i think the sister's way worse that's easier like you had to find blood related cousin.

No, that's a bad. I'm like 23 and me looking things up. That's a bad sister though, because it's not, it's not easy to like, if my sister ever hooked up with somebody that I used to hook up with, I would actually murder her. Yeah. Like she would never do it. That's grimy. Yeah.

Good for you though. Yeah. But, uh, yeah, I wrote the poem. And actually taking a step further it was a hand job in the parking lot right the cousin yeah yeah so it's like you know what like you know yeah she was there yeah i introduced it to erica and everything it was that long afterwards like he went like three years ago yeah oh my god And I can tell when you're saying this, like you really were not over that when you wrote that poem.

You don't get over that. You don't get over your best friend fucking your girlfriend on your birthday. You still friends with your friend? Yeah. Atta boys. Yeah. What? No, not that.

I mean, it's not the same. No, not atta boy. What do you mean? It's close, but like. I mean, I still go to his house. No, that's pretty loud, man. I don't think I'd be friends with that person again. I wouldn't be friends, but still, like you see him once in a while.

I go to his house every Christmas day. Atta boy, Marty. So are you the guy that would blame only the girl? It depends on the girl, I guess. It's his best friend. Was he a real girlfriend? Two years. On his birthday.

On my damn birthday. And it's your best friend? Come on. Did you have plans to go out on your birthday? No, I think it would probably have been great. I think I blame the best friend more than the girl. Everybody gets a lot of blame. I mean, yeah, everybody gets a lot of blame, but the best friend. You can blame Jared for being a moron, too.

Yeah, no, I was definitely a moron. So what did this poem say? I'll let you read it. Was there like a home run line? I'll let you read it. I have like a home run line? I'll let you read it. I have it still. No, not on my phone. I have a physical, because we had to print it out.

It was very funny. Would you keep the poem? I have a folder of a bunch of shit that I did in college. Do you have it in New York? No, it's at my house. It's at my parents' house. Ellen, if you're listening, go get it. Go get it.

Ellen, go get it. Oh my God. It's funny because- Ellen, please because you had to print off three copies. One you keep for yourself. One you gave to the teacher to go over. And the other one you have to give to a classmate. And then they go over it. And I gave it to one of my best friends.

And he's correcting it. And he's like, this is the fucking dumbest thing I've ever read in my life he's like the corrections say you're a pussy so I think I have hits yo listen I mean writing a poem about it you know it's all

I think you missed a comma but you're also a pussy yeah so I think the one that i kept was the wrong this is the wrong there but also you need to kill yourself yeah yeah i i get it like if if your buddy in high school hands you a fucking poem about a girl of course you're gonna get ripped to shreds i am fully on jared's side as far as being upset about your girlfriend fucking your best friend that is some some burn it down type shit. But you don't write a fucking poem.

Why not? Do whatever you want. The poem wasn't about I hate you because you fucked my best friend. The poem was about you ruined it. This would have been something. That's a great fucking poem topic. I'm fully Team Jared. You should have taken it, Jared.

That's the whole point. If you don't write a poem about that poetry shouldn't exist I cannot think of a better poem topic than you know what I'm not even mad at you anymore it's just so upsetting that you ruined a good thing I agree with that sentiment that's a great poem topic

by the way in high school it's ridiculous he was in college and then put it on his away message that's where I have yeah i mean what am i gonna hand her she's gotta she's gonna see the poem yeah you get you like mail it to you don't put it for everybody no that's crazy that's crazy you can't mail a poem to a girl this is like email it something you don't put it on your fucking away message yes you do that's what away messages are you literally like i could put that up as an away message no one would know that i wrote okay okay that's fair oh no it's a yellow card song that's fair because i i will because i

used to put up like a bunch of emo lyrics jerry downtown at the bottom okay i thought you put up on your away message like this is a poem i wrote no okay that makes it better i thought you that's what you did because i'm saying i'll tell you what it was probably it was such a good poem topic and my guy jerry Downtown probably wrote it so well that people probably were like is this show Silverstein? they were probably googling it trying to figure out

what song it was oh gee original work I'm on your side of that then I thought you said this is a poem I wrote for fuck no what the

did it rhyme or was it like no it rhymed yeah so you just wrote a diss track that's all you really did you wrote a subtweet it was a depression track yeah right but you know what sometimes that's that like that girl if you get mad at people yeah they get defensive yes so she'll start justifying it you know like oh you sucked anyway and your friend was better to me whatever her reasoning was if you just make her feel like a piece of shit for it yeah that's gonna go along

the way it's horrible and to lean into it and be like yeah i know you do this day she feels hard i'm not mad i'm disappointed she should yeah it's i'm not mad i'm disappointed and and it's like and to almost give her credit back being like yeah we really were so good together and i like really did love you and it would have been awesome. But you're an asshole is like oh, that cuts so much deeper. Do you remember any of the lines of it?

Yes. Is it like a finale? Is it like a bam line? No, it's good. I hope that your mom is listening so bad. You gotta say it. You don't recite your poetry. It's good. I hope that your mom is listening so bad. You gotta say it. You don't recite your poetry. It's only written.

How ridiculous will you feel if your mother calls him? If Ellen gets it to me, can I read it? I'll leave the room. I'll let you read it. Can you text your mom? PTSD. Can you open up that box and figure that out?

In the meantime, Emilio's on the line. He says he has a poem for Marty. I'm going to write a poem right now, too. Emilio, please tell me you have an actual poem and not like you're telling him to go read a poem

like you just wrote one for Marty. No, no, I don't have a poem. I have a proposition for Marty. Come on, everybody needs to stop. You guys stop fooling me with these descriptions because I keep thinking we're getting poems and we're not getting poems. I didn't say I had a poem. Come on. Everybody needs to stop. You guys stop fooling me with these descriptions because I keep thinking we're getting poems

and we're not getting poems. I didn't say I had a poem. Go ahead. I would pay an indescribable amount of money to hear Marty do slam poetry. That's all I wanted to say. I would love to do that.

I mean, you're already doing the ASMR. If you do, maybe mix the two and you can do like some whisper poems. Is there like actually like 21 Drum Street

like slam poetry? Like, yeah. slam poetry out there? I could just get on a fucking thing and slam it. Definitely. I'm going to write four sentences right now. Okay. Why don't you write yourself a poem? We'll talk to Ellen about...

Are you listening? She goes, LOL, yes. Ellen, come through for us. By the way, extra shout out to Ellen, who was dead ass accurate with her console. Oh, yeah. She just had the foresight. So I would like to also give you a chance to do it. No.

Jared. No. There's two months left. Jared. Kevin, you need to feel the moment. They're going to fucking win the World Series this year. Are they? Are they, Jared?

Yeah. Yeah. Two minutes ago, you were sitting here going, well, 100 games in. You kind of know what a team is. Yeah. Well, guess what? Yeah. Guess what? Two months left. were sitting here going, well, 100 games in, you kind of know what a team is. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Well, guess what? Yeah. Guess what?

Two months left. Did fights console the Red Sox? He has not like officially, but he kind of was like. Six games? Six and a half. Wow. They lost eight straight, man. Oh, I know.

They had a wild card spot. They squandered it. I'm living. So I'm actually now living for, I, for, I mean, I want to, I want to see the mess. So anybody who is so sticking, whether you console or declare, however it is,

you, your hashtag Don, you declare it. What happened? She has, it doesn't show. I go, I know where it is.

She goes, tell me like a special spot or is it just like the box in the attic? No, no, it's, it's in my, it's in my bedroom, like under the TV. If you're No, no, no. It's in my bedroom under the TV.

If you're listening, Alan, I guess this will send me a text message. It's in the drawer under my TV in the drawer to the right, and it's in a gray folder. When you go home, is it like Ray Finkel in Ace Ventura? Your mom left it perfectly. There's trophies and there's race car bed and all that shit. It wasn't like that when I moved, but my parents cleaned my room spotless

when Dallas went to film that video in my room. So they made it a fucking movie scene. Like it was spotless. I don't, yeah. No, it's still spotless. So it's like a fucking museum. She's going to find it. This is something.

Oh, buddy. And you're going to tell her, send it to kfc barstoolsports.com. Send it on over. I don't care now. I guarantee you this is actually a great poem. It's a very good poem. You're a good writer and you had the best source of inspiration.

Yeah. And he was emo in 19. And if you were cocky enough to throw it up on the AOLA message, you know it's good. source of inspiration. Yeah. And he was emo in 19. I was very emo. And if you were cocky enough to throw it up on the AOLA message, you know it's good. See, I don't think it was from being cocky, was it?

Wasn't it? You were just that sad? I don't think 19-year-old Jared was cocky, was he? No. I think you knew that poem crushed. I think you knew that poem was going to make her upset.

Fuck yeah. You knew that you nailed it and that's going to be a hell of a... If she can't find it. It's going to be some serious pros. Let me see. I might have... Because I think after I put it up and I came back from being away,

I think she might have asked me to message it to her on Facebook. So I'm going to see if it's in our Facebook messages. The girl? Yeah. From 10 years ago? She asked for it? Why? Because she, like, I went away.

It was my away message. It wasn't my profile. Right, but why would she want it? You know, it's like. Because she wanted to, like, read it again. Like, she wanted to keep it. So. What?

When was the last time, like, you see this girl decently enough that she is still, like, showing remorse for this? It's in there. Yeah! Let's go! Jared, you knew it was in there, but you had, like, a 1% hope. I forgot. I forgot. Look how ready it is. this you are the man for allowing this to happen this is gonna be so good all right so here's the deal. I'll let you read it. We gotta put the music underneath when you read the love letters. Is that what she's doing?

No, I have it right here. Alright, text it to me? Or I'll just read it off your phone or what? Is it like a picture of the writing? It must be, right? No, it's a Facebook message. So you wrote it out in the Facebook message? No, I just copied it and pasted it.

What are you talking about? I didn't know if you had sent her a picture of the actual writing. I'm going to text this to Kevin. I feel like I wish we were going to break right now. Is this long? Yeah, we need to... Can we take a way too early break?

Yeah, we could. Let's tease could. Yeah. Yeah. Let's tease it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. I want to. Quick break here. We'll set up. I'm going to do a little poetry reading. Jerry Downtown's most dramatic moments of his life on TCK. Oh, boy.

Buckle up. See, everybody writes like poetry to girls. Like, it could be Kendrick. It boy, buckle up. See, everybody writes poetry to girls. It could be Kendrick, it could be The Rocket. This Rocket's dead and gone. This Rocket had feelings. This was just an old time. I don't know if I can be in the room where you read it. I can't believe you're even considering being in the room while I read it.

Do you want to try? It's definitely not good. I don't think. It even considering being in the room while I read it. Do you want to try? It's definitely not good. I don't think. It's subjective. It's art. It's art. Let's do it. For being a freshman in college, it's...

I'm going to get secondhand embarrassment. You know who would hate this right now? Who? John Feidelberg. Feidelberg would die. Oh, he would die. I actually kind of want him to be in here for it. I'm enjoying the shit out of this.

Because you don't know what to do yourself. Does this have a title? Does this have a title? Does this have a title? No. Okay. So Untitled by Jared Croft. Should I leave the room? It's up to you, bro. I think I should leave the room. I can't look at you. I think maybe stand

not even by the glass. I'm going to go down the hall. Give me a call when you want me to come back. I feel like you should just stand right out there. Go stand by the producers and they'll let you know when it's over. We're going to put some dramatic music underneath this. We have to.

I'm nervous. I can't even believe he's doing this. I don't know if I can look at you. Enormous props to him for allowing this. Let's start with that. Untitled by Jared Karamas, please take a picture of him back there. Yeah.

Okay. It's time for me to finally let you go. But before I do, I just wanted to want it. But before I do, I just wanted you to know there was a time when there was no one else in the world. I'd rather have more.

My heart was in your hands, and yours was all I adored. It wasn't the right time for us, but forever I would have waited. But I'm glad I didn't, knowing how much time I would have wasted. You're not right for me, and I'm not right for you. In my dreams will be the only time I'll ever hear you say, I do. It's the feeling I get when you and no one else. It's the feeling I get when it's you and no one else. What breaks my heart the most is to know.

Wait, wait. Okay. It's the feeling I get when it's you and no one else. What breaks my heart most is to know we never be mutually felt. If there were anything I could do to get you through to your heart, I would do anything you asked of me with no second thought. There's just something about you.

It might be in your kiss. The one thing I can never get enough of and certainly will miss. Now I must set you free. The worst moment I shall dread. Going to sleep every night, hoping that you are free from my head. Oh, it's unbelievable. I was going to fucking cry. That was unbelievable.

The kiss line? The kiss is great. Oh, my God. The kiss is great. Come here. Casey's weeping. Casey's weeping. She brought to her knees an emotion. No, I'm great. Casey's weeping. Casey's weeping. She brought to her knees an emotion.

No, I'm crying because of how much embarrassment I had that he put that on his away message. I literally was blown away. I mean, Jared, that was not bad. It was cringeworthy because... No, it wasn't. It wasn't. I must set you free. The worst moment I shall dread.

That put her in the ground you can't come back from that I'm telling you this is way worse than just being like yeah I fucked your sister but I did you covered all your bases you came all over everybody but you also buried your

and her best friend that was the hardest thing I've ever read. That was great. I wanted to hate it so bad so I could make fun of you. I loved it. Thank you. Do you like poetry now, Marty?

Yeah. You get it? Yeah. Mine's just like this. I mean, by the way, the maturity for Jared, you're not right for me, and I'm not right for you. A.K.A. You fucked my best friend on my birthday. I mean,

don't do that. You know, you're really giving her a lot of credit to be like, well, you know, we just weren't compatible or you're, you're taking my friend's dick down your throat when you're supposed to be celebrating me.

I do line two. Oh, you were, you were thinking marriage. That one hit me in the fucking plums. Yeah. You wanted to marry this girl. Yeah.

My heart was in your hands and yours was all I adored. I love that. I would have waited. I'm jacked up. I would have waited, but now I'm happy that I would have wasted it. You know what I think we need to do?

We need to bring back writing these types of things. We need to do it. We all have to have feelings. There's just something about you. It might be in your kiss. The one thing I could never get enough of and certainly will miss. I licked my lips when you said the same line. Hey, this chick go fuck.

Yeah. You just kind of generalize that as kiss. You know what I mean? Your lips. It's like, yeah. I've never experienced this with anyone else, but she had this weird thing where biting her lip was like a borderline orgasm. For her.

She would bite her lip? No, like if you bit hers. Oh, got it, got it, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never, no girl has ever done that before. You feel like a champ. Yeah. It's great when, it could be the lip, it could be the ear,

it could be this, that. When they have a cheat code, it's like, oh, this makes it so much easier. The girls, when you don't know what's what, it's like, ah, this is impossible. When you got a, as Jared stares down Willie Colon, now, see, this is the rocket. He wears many hats. Now he can be tough guy.

He's a teddy bear. Jared died with that girl, for sure. Yeah, no, I mean, you know, the, yeah, this girl like, this girl's a murderer. Yeah. She murdered somebody. She's responsible for the chaos that happened after that. Yeah. So for better or worse, you know, you probably have gone to bigger and better places in a

lot of ways. So maybe you owe her. You're not you without her. Yeah. No, that's probably what I mean. You'd be with her and you'd be in fucking Iowa or something like farming owe her. You're not you without her. No, that's probably what I mean. You'd be with her and you'd be in fucking Iowa or something farming with her. The idea that everything happens for a reason, maybe you would be an emotional pussy. I'd be a huge pussy, yeah.

I might not be here today. Might not be at this company. It all adds up. The butterfly effect means that even just literally a flap of the wings, that can affect everything, let alone a monster thing like a 19-year-old kid getting his best friend and girlfriend blown up. What a time. What a time period to travel back to. If you could go back in time, if you could go back in time yeah would you just let it all go down again like if you could if you because you know you said i'm happy i didn't waste my time yeah but what if

you know so let's travel back in time you could tell 18 year old jared yeah don't even date that girl she's gonna fuck you over you would let it all happen so it's better to have loved and lost so i i was when i was a freshman in high school no When I was a senior in high school, I was dating a freshman in college, and she sucked. I cheated on her with that girl, and she was terrible. So now she's married and I have a fucking kid, and she's whatever. So maybe is there an element of like— She saved me from a shittier girl. Got it.

And then I ended up with her. So no matter how that ended, you wanted to get out of the first shitty situation. So you'd let it all happen again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now maybe is there some thought of like, well, our relationship was forged in the fire of cheating. And so now, you know, reap what you sow sort of thing. She deserved it. Got it.

Yeah. Got it. But you didn't. No. But you also cheated. No, of course not. She cheated back. Yeah, that girl sucked too.

That girl sucks. Both of them suck, but. Common denominator here? You. Me, I suck, I guess. I guess I suck. I guess I suck. I mean, so this is also another butterfly moment because I think we just introduced

Marty to the world of poetry. I think Marty might go become a poet after he was so gassed up. I would love to hear Marty at an open mic. You wrote something, did you? I wrote something, yeah. Okay, what's the topic? Did you write it before you heard Jared's poem or after? I wrote half before, half after.

Oh, okay. So you'll actually be able to hear a distinct change in the artist's voice because he was so moved by Jared's work. Side note, do you think Roan writes poetry? You just walk by. Roan writes poetry. Not just raps. Do you think he writes love poetry? You just walk by. Roan writes poetry. Not just raps. Do you think he writes love poetry?

That's the one of my friend's friends. These are the notes. These are the notes. By the way, the official title is Time to Let Go. First line, it's time for me to finally let you go. Note, gay. But before I do, I just wanted

to know. And the note is is are you really 16 uh there was a time when no one else in the world i'd rather have more dash hard f hard f that's brutal and then the final final line of the first stanza marty that's a poetry term for you in my dreams will be the only time I ever hear you say I do. He says, this is officially the gayest shit I've ever heard. Did you wear a fanny pack while writing this? And then. Fanny packs are back.

You're good. Yeah, it came full circle. And then across the whole second stanza, diagonally from top to bottom, he just wrote emo. That's unbelievable. This is officially the gayest shit i've ever heard yeah yeah that's one of my best friends from home we had took that class together that's how he corrected it to hand into the teacher wow yeah with the hard f in there yeah yeah that's his own that's his poetry you can just tell the poetry teacher that's me expressing myself. That's unbelievable. All right, well, now it's time for Marty's.

Does this have a title? Can you title it? No. Come up with a title. I have. Come on. What's it about? Then you've got to think of a title.

It's about girl. Okay, so give me a title about, you know. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl by Marty. Hello, you beautiful suck bag. I love playing with your fun bags.

When we dog, the world stops. You made me stray away from the monster cheese, and you're my mozzarella rat. I hope we can model a couple of Marty Juniors so this world can keep spinning. Yours truly, Martin J. Frost. Pretty good, huh? It's great. It's great. This is not going to help your cause for the people

who think you're faking it because you're in here talking about fucking monster versus mozzarella you're doing similes symmetry and symbolism you almost started crying during the suck bag the suck bag fun bag word play it's incredible marty it's incredible the Marty. It's incredible. Oh, the top of the – oh, man. That was good. That has got to make it to the internet right now. If you don't make poetry writing part of your content now, people would eat up. Tweets? Just like Twitter poems by you? Forget it. I don't have to tweet that one out.

Absolutely, you got to tweet that out. I feel like – what's the word? Give me a word. Invigorated? Yes. That was good, huh? Absolutely. I'm getting smarter too. Yeah. out. I feel like, what's the word? Invigorated? That was good, huh? I'm getting smarter, too. Good for you, Marty. You know what this is, Marty?

I want him to go to an open mic night. Slam poetry? For sure. Do you know what osmosis is, Marty? No. You're learning poetry and you're getting smarter and you're invigorated by words through osmosis. So osmosis is a – You didn't even tell me what osmosis was.

It's like a science term, but what it means in this case is like just by being around Jared doing his poetry, you absorbed that knowledge. Yeah. That happened fast. This is my hidden talent that I'm now finding out about. Yes. So there's a butterfly effect right there. So if Jared's scumbag, suckbag, hobag girlfriend didn't fuck his best friend on his 19th birthday, you would have never discovered your poetic talents. True.

Yeah. I mean, girl is going to be a bestseller. Yeah. That's going to be the one that launched a thousand poems. You're going to be good at this. Who was the muse for it? Nobody. Really is nobody. See, now what you got to do is just start sending it to the muse for it? Nobody. Really is nobody.

See, now what you got to do is just start sending it to the end. I'll tell you what was suspect. What? He knew the word muse. Very suspect. I mean, I feel like it was just like, who's it for? See, I'm telling you. What'd you say?

Who's it for? Yeah, I didn't know what it was. That's a big blank for Marty to fill in. His whole world is a blank. Muse. Suspect. Well, how'd you say it? Muse? Say who was How did you say it? Muse?

I said who was, what's the sentence? I said who is the muse? Yeah, like that who's the girl. I mean, if you didn't know what muse was, you would not be able to put those together. I couldn't even tell you what muse means now. I just meant you knew. Now I'm confusing myself. And he's back.

And he talked himself into a circle. He's dumb again. This is him using the chopsticks. Yeah, this is chopsticks part two. This is chopsticks part two. I read a fucking beautiful poem. It was a beautiful poem. And they're coming at me.

That's unbelievable. I think this is my favorite song ever. Ever? Yes. Not just Lil Wayne. I think it might be my favorite rap song ever. I'll say that. I love it.

I think so. That's pretty rap song ever. I'll say that. I love it. I think so. What did you say? Miley Cyrus, everything. Can't argue that. I wish I could find a clean version of my favorite Lil Wayne song. If I can, I'll play it next week. Which is? Oh, you want to keep it a secret?

Oh. Oh. Kind of let it slip. No, I didn't even hear it. Steady Mobbin'. Steady Mobbin'. You like that one a lot, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he came out of that in Atlanta, he't even hear it. Steady Mobbin. Steady Mobbin. Steady Mobbin's so good. You like that one a lot, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When he came out of that in Atlanta, he didn't come out to Steady Mobbin. Oh, you weren't there. That's right, you weren't there. He came out to John, but Steady Mobbin, I think, was second, and that was... Are you being serious, or are you just saying that to fit in? John or Steady Mobbin? Oh, John. John's pretty good. That's like my heavy workout song. You're being serious? Yes.

Okay. I can't tell if you're just... I also could see a scenario where Jared would go, who's Lil Wayne? Wouldn't put it past you. That would be a little more egregious, but sometimes you're prone to... I'll believe anything you say. Yeah, like that

Lil Uzi. I just found out about him because of his fucking car. See, that I kind of expect. I wouldn't expect Jared to know that. And, but like Lil Wayne, you have to know. Lil Wayne is too big. But you know, I don't know if this is problematic to say on radio or not, but you know, you guys earlier were talking about the crip walk and YP was going around asking if he should

be a crip or a blood. And I was like, I mean, if you're a Lil Wayne fan, you have to be a blood. And so he was like telling Trent, he's like, Trent, we got to be bloods now. I was like, I don't know. It's like, yo, we got to be nicest, bro. We was like telling trent he's like we gotta be bloods now i was like i was like i don't know that's like yo we gotta be nicest bro we gotta join like this violent gang i don't know who it was and somebody was like well you know like snoop like snoop's a crip and he and why people's like i don't care about snoop we'll give up snoop for wayne i'll make i'll make that trade i think he actually ended up landing on the fact that drake is friends with everybody so he wants to be like neutral. Got it.

I was like, it's probably smart. Got it. Let's roll with that. Yeah. I mean, Drake plays the game. He knows what he's doing.

I mean, I, I've told this embarrassing story when I turned 16 and I was going to a Catholic school and I was a white girl from Texas. I had a red bandana, red bandana hanging from my rear view mirror because a little way. Very problematic. Did you,

uh, have you told the tattoo story on radio before? The Young Money one? Yes. No. I don't have it. The floor is yours. So I was literally

about to have a needle in my side, or I guess with Young Money tattooed on me. I had it drawn on my ribcage. You know how you do the stencil? She had the stencil on my rib cage. You know how you do the stencil? In the script, the young money? Oh my god. Is that worse?

Better or worse than you getting your tongue pierced four times? Zah's always shocked by these stories. I would say it's worse because at least... You can take the tongue ring out eventually. Can you imagine now if I was walking around in these crop tops with fucking young money tattooed on my rib?

That would be an all time bad tattoo. Like maybe the worst. So bad that I think you have to get like, like Casey, I would think that's a bad tattoo for people in young money. I think guys in young money would be like, God, I regret this one. I think you don't have to convince me I look back at all the shit that I've done I'm not getting Young Money

How many tattoos do you have? Three Might as well just make it a fourth Get like a henna one for weeks at a time Get a henna one year round So you always have it But if you really needed to you could take it off No

I look back at all the dumb shit that i've done that is by far like the happiest i've been that i somehow got out what made you what was like what was the kill shot there so we would had gone to me and my girlfriends had gone to houston to see the young money concert and it was right i didn't i think it was whenever drake had first like best i ever had and maybe just i don't know it's a whole young money tour. And one of my friends, because at the time,

obviously Uber didn't exist. She had stayed sober and she, we convinced her to not convince me, like talk me out of it. And at one point we were sitting there at the tattoo parlor and she just looked at me with this look. She was like, I'm going to say this just out loud one time. Are you really sure you want to do this?

And there was just like this moment of clarity where I was like, no, no, you're right. Like I i just the look on her face was just the voice the way she said it it was just so clear to me that she knew that i was going to regret it that i was that's that like uh that old ron white bit where he talks about like being responsible for your friends and he's like you owe your friend like you stand right in front of him and you tell him like what not to do and if he tells you to fuck off like you've done your duty but you have to give you have to give that one like are you fucking sure and all night we had told her like do not talk me out of this like i want to do this like you know we're we're drinking

we're smoking whatever i was like do not do it and i luckily she just had the moment she was like you might yell at me for saying this to you but i really don't think you should do this that's almost when you know if you had the agreement not to and someone still says it then you know it's... I mean, yeah, I was just such a disaster. I'm shocked I wasn't there. How big was it? Oh, it was, I mean, it was just like all the way across my wrist. Oh! I thought it was going to be like a little girly dainty like script thing. Oh, no, no, no. It was like

all here. Oh my god. I mean, you can't see where she did it. She's covering like from the middle of her back to like the middle of her rib cage. I don't think it like wrapped around. Like, I think if you were looking at me from the side, you'd be able to see it. I don't think it wrapped around to my back or under my stomach. Jesus.

Your father is so happy and so loved. He doesn't know what he did. Vertical? Oh my God. Sideways. If I'm laying on my side. If I'm on my back, you can see my young money tattoo. Jesus Christ, Casey.

No, no, I didn't say that. I did. Because you were drinking, it would have bled out. And it wouldn't have held the ink. It would have been like a faded young money tattoo. This tattoo parlor didn't give a shit. They were like, do you see this dumb white girl with blonde-haired blue eyes? She's getting young money tattooed on her.

We'll take this one. They probably tried charging you double. Whatever. Did your parents know about your obsession with Lil Wayne? No? Yeah, they did a lot. What do they think? Are they conservative Texas?

Zaz asked you like he's a drug addict. I love this. Did your parents understand the problem you had? Yeah, no, no, no. When I first started listening to the Hot Boys, I had to hide it because I was way too young to be able to listen to that in their minds. minds yes they're conservative but they they knew about i mean i had a lil wayne poster in my room in high school i had a one in my college like my parents are fully aware what i mean i'm putting my i'm trying to put myself in like a white parents uh fucking in fucking

dallas texas i don't want i don't want my daughter to be listening it's almost as bad as as it gets like some of the shit that little Wayne's talking about, man. Oh, yeah. Can you imagine Casey swimming, almost drowning in the pussy, so I swam to her butt? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Listen, my parents were not thrilled that that was my choice. By the time we got to college, they couldn't tell me what to do anyways.

I'm going to listen to whatever I want. You can't tell me what to do anyways. I'm going to listen to whatever I want. You can't tell me what to do. If you're worried – no, they couldn't. They couldn't tell me what music to listen to. Who paid for college? OK. They could have. They can tell you what to do.

Yeah, but like it was just – I was just listening. Now, if I came home with the Young Money tattoo, they probably would have stopped paying for college. Yeah, that's one of those like, OK, it's on you now. You can get your tattoo, but room and board is now in your pocket. The tattoo that I have on my wrist of when my best friend passed away, like even though they knew how important it was, they were still not thrilled that I had that. And that's like a huge moment for our family, let alone if I got a fucking record label. My dad almost got a spider web tattooed on his face, like a full. Oh, that's way worse.

Like put your fucking palm on your face like a spider web like that he said he was in the chair your dad so we met I met Papa Clancy for the first time ever recently

10 years in I've heard all the stories living with monkeys and spider face tattoos doesn't fit right it does not fit no it's wild when I met Papa Clancy

I looked at him I said you look entirely too nice to be Kevin's dad his stories are legit some of the wildest I've ever known. And I'm getting like newer, real versions now.

Even the stories I thought were bad, I'm realizing he sugar-coated for me as a child, and now that I'm like a man, he's telling me. He's just retelling the same stories, but there's a different detail each time now. I'm like, oh, wait, I didn't know that part of it. I always forget the spider monkey story. Did the dog eat the monkey or the monkey eat the dog? The dog ate the monkey.

Okay. I'm sorry, what? So my dad, he was from like the sticks of Pennsylvania. Right by Erie, Pennsylvania. Meadville. And I believe it was like a, you know, my parents can't tell me what to do and I'm gonna go live on my own.

And he moved into the woods basically with his best buddy in like a cabin and uh their neighbor was a kind of that's that's how kind of how i picture it i don't really know the circumstances but that's how i picture it when he tells the story i believe the neighbor was a uh lesbian electrician you know what back in a time when you couldn't be a lesbian or a woman couldn't be in like she was a trailblazer. Let me see before I tell this because I had him write an email to me once, like detail on the stories, detail on the story, and I mean I would –

he leaned into it. Like he was like this is my time to shine. He basically wrote a blog and sent it to me. Oh, we need that. We can put the dramatic reading music underneath it. Yeah, let me – I hope it's not Dev Nest. My first summer – I i went back first summer back home after two years went back with a stud my dad almost kicked me out of the tribe i could see that

being a big deal in africa it was like a fucking earring i'm like yeah what you almost like you disowned me and shit i was like jesus christ yeah so so. I had no idea you had a stud. I found the blog from 2014. I didn't know you had a tribe. Zod's whole tribe, he runs all of Africa, bro. I didn't know that. He only needs 200 grand to be convinced to go back there forever. I knew that.

I didn't know that your dad was essentially the head of the tribe. Don't you be humble about it. He's getting up there now. He's getting up there. Pretty good. Pretty good spot to be, yeah it he's getting up there now yeah he's getting up there pretty good spot to be yeah it's definitely not bad all right i found this this this letter so i guess it was 2014 we did the rundown me you and dan and i just mentioned it off the cuff and i say here i said my dad had a pet monkey that got eaten by the neighbor's dog and i just kind of said it because i've heard this a million times and your guy's reaction apparently i was like oh wait a minute this is something weird so i emailed my dad i said i mentioned the story of dead eye your monkey on my show yesterday and

the guys went wild they want to know more about him and how he met his demise i told them about the neighbor's dogs but they're asking for more details on how old you were and how you got a pet monkey and whatnot can you fill me in he said it had to 1971, and Herbie Bortz and I had left Poplar Street because he had eaten your grandfather's last Klondike bar, and that sent him over the edge. So already I'm like, all right. Here we fucking go. Herbie, a Blackfoot, was without home due to his folks.

What does that mean? I don't know. I think it's a fucking Native American tribe. I have no fucking idea. He was without home due to his folks splitting up and leaving town. Your grandma and grandpa had graciously let him live with us until then. So off we went in Pearl. That's my dad's car. He had

this 1940 Chevy. He never stopped talking about it. He loved it. They found a cabin in Cambridge Springs. It had electricity but no running water and an outhouse. So this really is like Unabomber type shit. We took baths in the stream

fed by the springs. Weird. Imagine me and Fights lived in the woods together and bathed together in the fucking springs. Anyway, the original owner of Deadeye doesn't use fucking soap. Anyway, the original owner of Deadeye he had a one-eyed monkey, so they called him Dead Eye,

was a beautiful Barbie doll-like girl named Franny Logue. For some reason, I was dating her. She was way out of my league, a year ahead of me in school, and always dated the jock studs. She must have been going through a bad boy phase. Papa Glancy! So she was leaving for college, and she had this poor little squirrel monkey with a bad eye that she could not take with her. So Herbie and I adopted the little boy. We took him back to the cabin where we uncaged him, and he pretty much had his run of the place.

For some reason, he liked to perch on your feet while you were lying down. You know what I mean? Like he's just sitting on the couch with a monkey hanging out on his feet. Fucking one-eyed monkey. He also disliked our very masculine female electrician that lived in the next cabin. But that's another story for another time. Your mother would not like hearing that. Getting back to school and heading to the winter, we found an apartment back in Meadville,

and Dead Eye came with us. Somewhere along the line, Herbie ended up with three puppies, we also adopted for some unknown reason. So they had a monkey, three dogs, and these two idiots living in a fucking cabin. And so it came to pass that as the dogs got bigger and hungrier, one day we came home and Deadeye was nowhere to be found. The apartment was a wreck. Furniture knocked over. Glasses broken.

An apparent ruckus had ensued. All the windows and doors were closed. And there lied three satisfied dogs and no trace of old Deadeye. I surmised the pups had had him for lunch, but we will never know. Maybe he escaped and went back to Franny. Wait. So he doesn't even know. I think he escaped. He had to escape. You gotta have monkey guts

around to be a monkey. I don't know. There's gotta be blood somewhere. I don't know. I mean, it's a tiny monkey and he said they had like big dogs. Yeah, but there would be blood. How do you escape the fucking cabin? But there would be blood somewhere. A monkey, a monkey could get out a window, get out something like that. A closed window?

Yeah, I think there's a greater chance a monkey gets out a window rather than... A monkey. A monkey. Easy money. Out of what, though? A monkey's still alive. He's just opening the window and closing it? Yeah. Monkeys are like humans, dude. Well, then Deadeye's still out there. That's got a happy ending.

That's actually a great thought to think of, like Deadeye just running out there. That's got a happy ending. That's actually a great thought to think of. Like Deadeye just running around the woods of Pennsylvania. Yeah. He's out there somewhere. He's got to be. What's the average lifespan of a monkey? I bet you it's different. I mean, a one-eyed one, too.

You got to shave a couple of years off. I don't think dogs are eating a monkey. I think a monkey could just jump up on a light or something. Well, they had. I mean, the place was torn apart. Yeah, they were chasing him around and he escaped. He just got out. Yeah, that's hope.

There's no way that there's no blood. Could you imagine if there's some other dude out there who's like, he's got his own story he's telling his son, and then this one-eyed monkey showed up at our cabin down the block. That's what happened. Those dogs did not eat that. Imagine just owning a fucking one-eyed monkey. We should get an office monkey.

We got a spider. That's true. We got a human version. I want a legitimate one-eyed monkey in this office. That can just run around all day. I'll just do the next generation. I did it too, dad. I don't think you can own a monkey anymore.

Bieber got all that backlash. People were real mad at Bieber for having no I think Bieber got mad for leaving the monkey at the airport imagine if I just had Shay and Keegan and a monkey that would be electric single dad two kids

and a fucking one eyed monkey who needs a monkey? Marty Mush he is a monkey he would be my pet monkey by the way if I ever get a monkey? Marty Mush. Oh, my. He is a monkey. Yeah. He should be my pet monkey. By the way, if I ever get a monkey, I have to chop its eye out. Yeah. Sorry. I'm sorry you're a two-eyed monkey, but to roll with me, you got to be one-eyed.

No, no, no. No, I wish I could do the same thing. Just have him wear a little patch. Wear a little pirate patch. If we were going to get a monkey in the office, someone's got to stab him with a pencil. That's just how it happens. Oh, whoops. Sorry.

Can't imagine the headlines would be written with that. Barstool Sports. Oh, we got a call from Meadville, Pennsylvania. Mark, are you in the sticks? You happen to have a one-eyed monkey? I don't have a one-eyed monkey, but I cover Meadville as part of a sales territory. Okay. And you guys have no idea what it actually is like.

It is about the most rural place. No, I mean, I don't. I've been there many times. I know what it's like. It is the, I can't even imagine it getting more rural and more like hillbilly than that. And I think it does, but it's bad. If there's any place that monkey's alive in Pennsylvania, it's Meadville. This place is like, he just took off.

He hitchhiked to New York and never went back. He just left. Actually, all things considered, pretty wild story for my dad. Hitchhiked from the sticks, joined the Merchant Marines, shipped out all around the world for years, and then worked his way through New York real estate and eventually was running the Empire State Building. Kind a like and i'm telling you nothing and did nothing i looked at that man and i felt sorry for him that you were his son that's how nice he looks

listen you would say the same thing you would say the same thing if my dad walked in here me telling his stories he thinks i'm like a fucking angel no i know but i didn't know these stories first and don't act like if my dad walked in here, you wouldn't immediately apologize. I am so sorry. Kevin has never been laying in a tattoo bed. Yeah, Kevin's made really great life decisions. Wow. There was a lot of stank in her eyes on that.

You. My goodness. Did you tell him? Yeah. You were looking at me. I mean, it doesn't matter what you say it to. Yeah. Heaven. I apologize. Goodness gracious. I mean, you guys are roasting me. I'm roasting you about a tattoo you didn't get.

You try to make it seem like my dad should feel worse because I was maybe laying in a tattoo parlor that a tattoo I didn't get. I didn't say worse. I just said Kevin's never made that poor decision. He's made his own. Sure. I didn't have to. If you were a cartoon, there would have been fire in your eyes for that. That was rude. I just said Kevin's never made that poor decision. He's made his own. Sure, I didn't have to have the fire. If you were a cartoon, there would have been fire in your eyes for that.

That was rude. I'm sorry, Kevin. Did you see the lunch table memes that are going around? I literally just opened up the, they made one for Barstool, which I'm going to go over. We are a fucking bag of bricks. Me and you? The tables are, if you don't know what we're talking about, there's been a... Oh, the four of us. There's a meme going

around of a bunch of different... Who made it? What is this from? Is this from Spongebob or something? I'm assuming if it's a cartoon, it's on the internet, Spongebob. It's a bunch of cafeteria room tables and you have to pick where you're sitting. So what was the original one? I actually don't know the original. Like where did this start? I have no idea. What names were

involved? I don't know. So people have been doing it with like athletes, entertainers, whatever. So the barstool table, number one, you can sit with Dave, Frank, the tank and Ebony. No, Ebony can come to my table, though. A lot of people pick on our table. KB, Ellie and Jerry Thornton. So like the younger and the older mixed with weird. OK, be three.

Three is our table. KFC fights Casey Karabas. No earplugs allowed. I don't really get that shot. We're not going to shut the fuck up if that's what you mean. But I mean, I don't think anybody here at Barstool is going to be quiet. Oh, that's a shot for people that not like we can't wear our headphones. That's the way I took it as. No?

No, the people sitting with us are not allowed to wear earplugs. I think you have to listen to KFC, Casey, Karabas. But I mean't have to. Yeah, that's true. But I mean, all of these people, it's like, you know, nobody's going to be like a quiet wallflower. Also, I don't think that the four of us talk astronomically more than everyone else in this office. That's what I'm saying. Four is Call Me Daddy, Call Her Daddy, Tommy Smokes, and Brandon Walker. Five is Big Cat, Tyler O'Day, and OMB. Six is Riggs,

Greeny, and a 36 by 72 piece of cardboard. Seven is Chernin, Nardini, and Hard Factor Will. Eight is

Glennie Ball's DVD, and there's no room for a third. Double bucket dot. Nine is Smitty, Willie Colon,

Willie's cousin, Kirk Manahan, and Liz. There's a motley crew number nine. And ten is Nate Roan, the Fail Gang, and Loud Sean.

Nate Roan, Fail Gang, Loud Sean. That's a good table too. I like that table. That's a loud table with Loud Sean. That'd be the loud one.

That's pretty neat. I think the table I would say is either our table or that table. Our table is the best. We're obviously going to be biased here. I don't think so. I was going to pick my second

favorite table. I don't even know if I have one. A second favorite table? I think our table is just the most normal. That's what I'm saying. Our table makes by far the most sense. Whoever makes this thing, no earplugs allowed, obviously doesn't like us, so they're thinking that this table's bad based on who's making it.

I was like, who's the bad person at our table? Yeah, what the fuck? This table's 100% awesome. So if you don't like us, this table stinks, but I think if you don't have a problem with us, we're the bad people. As that reading progressed, I was like,

oh, our whole table's the bad table. We're the assholes. People just don't want a problem with this, we're the best. As that reading progressed, I was like, oh, our whole table is the bad table. Yeah, we're the assholes. People just don't want to hang out with us. This game's not even fun. There's one table that's really awesome. I don't get it. This is fucking a funny joke. You can't spot the asshole in the room.

You're the asshole, baby. But all the other tables don't make sense at all from a content standpoint. Yeah, we make perfect sense. We make perfect sense. So they must really hate us. I mean, yeah. That's what's going on. Yeah.

They hate all four of us. We're all the asshole. Yeah, no shade to Tyler O'Day and office manager Brett, but the idea here is you can sit with your idol Big Cat, but you also have to sit with Tyler O'Day and OMB. Us, it's just an evenly balanced group of assholes. Fuck this whole table. Fuck them.

Who made this? We don't know. It's on BevoListool. Oh, this is just a roast of us. This takes a lot of work to make this, to come up with the combinations, to Photoshop it in. It's all one effort to make fun of the four of us.

Correct. Do you think that we were the first table they thought of like, this is easy. They built this around this. Let's make one table with those guys so bad. No one wants to sit there for any reason. The rest of them you have to figure out.

Like, alright, mix this, mix that. But the joke is that they hate all of this. Yes. I have to know who made this. It's tweeted out by Viva La Stool. And I need to know why. I mean, I'd venture to guess it's the commenters or the Reddit crowd or something like that. And I think Tommy or whoever runs Viewable Stool put it on. I don't know.

Or maybe it's Tommy throwing shade at all of us. Maybe Tommy heard the opening segment. Maybe it's justified. If Tommy made it, I'm the asshole. He hates me. Let's see. I think it's pretty clear, Casey. We are the asshole table.

It's a group of assholes. We are each a spoke in the asshole. Oh, gross. group of assholes yeah yeah we are each spoke in the ass i mean i'm looking i'm looking at a couple replies some of the replies are funny so tyler o'day replies five spider replies eight is he not is he on it did i say spider yeah he just said eight he just wants to sit with plenty balls and dvd spiders not even on it uh then someone says five. Anyone saying, we're three. Anyone saying

three needs a lobotomy. Then there's three. This is Jesus Christ isn't even close. Who made this? Three, and it's not even close. Three. Three. People like us, apparently. There's a lot of threes. Table three all day.

It's not even close. Someone wanted to sit at three, but they wanted to sit at three but they wanted to trade me for frank the tank trade denied who's the gm are you the gm of our table i mean i just made myself it yeah in order to reject that trade someone had to put the hat on i grabbed it is uh i mean if you're if you look at that just as you're if you're random if you're not really enthralled in barstool and you look at that, that is the only table that would make sense. Like, people are going to be like, why is this even a question? Like, of course you're going to show them.

Okay, let's do this. What's your least favorite table? Mine's easy because the Smitty, Willie, Willie Colon's cousin, Minahan, Liz, is going to be the most uncomfortable table in the world. You have the Smitty and Willie rivalry. You have the Kirk and Willie rivalry. And then, like, poor Liz is just stuck in the most uncomfortable table in the world. You have the Smitty and Willie rivalry. You have the Kirk and Willie rivalry. And then like poor Liz is just stuck in the middle of it all. Yeah. Well, also like nobody.

Shout out to Willie's cousin. No, because Willie's cousin and Smitty have a beef. Oh, right. So that's just the beef table with poor Liz like stuck in the middle of it all. Unless does Liz have beef with those guys? I don't think so. I don't think Liz has beef with anybody, does she? I'd go 10 or 7 i'd turn in

nardini i don't know hard factor will very well but that's a good one that's the adult table um nate roan fail gang loud john i do like all those people uh is the fail gang failing upwards yeah yeah i think i'm with you kevin that beat the beef table would be so uncomfortable oh that's right you asked least the one you want to say least. I was trying to find the most. I think I like to bust Dave's balls, but in these situations, I'd have no problem sitting with Dave. So it's not one.

Are we trying to pick the least or the ones that we would say? Least. Yeah. I guess it's got to be that Smitty Willie cologne. The beef table because nobody will be talking. It's going to be like, it'll just be silence. I know they would be talking, but it would be awkward i would like to sit with kb le and jerry thornton too because i'd love to see how kb acts with jerry that'd be imagine ellie's ellie talking jerry is like jerry the other day tweeted a meme that was the funniest thing i've

ever seen on the internet it was it was it was the night of the car uh reds pirates fight brawl and jerry in the morning just tweeted that picture you know people were memeing it like putting like things on you know that meme goes like you put word almost like this exact thing here you have words written out yeah jerry doesn't know how to do that so he just typed left to right and then typed out what each person would be oh my god and himself i was in tears in the morning looking at this fucking thing. It was so goddamn funny. It was a valiant effort. I just saw it. Like the picture of Garrett

just by himself. Yeah, and then just typed out words like left to right and it's just like Patriots type things. Oh my god. It's the perfect Jerry Thornton. Rather than like putting it on there. Yeah, go to Barstool Radio. It'll be retweeted over there. It's the perfect Jerry Thornton. Phone claims. I need someone else's phone. I'll pull it up. Yeah, I mean Barstool Radio. It'll be retweeted over there. It's the perfect Jerry Thornton. Phone claims. I need someone else's phone. I'll pull it up.

Yeah, I mean, you know, I know the feeling when, like, I just say, like, someone else needs to make this. Here's my idea for a meme. I'm not going to sit there and, like, type it all out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm not going to do it that way either. This is, if you go to Barstool Radio, it'll pop up in a second. That lunchtime meme thing, that's probably gonna cause problems i can see that being like dramatic although that's done that was done in a way that i think everyone will kind of be okay with it but i could see that being

another like club cool fiasco where it's like yeah but see yes we're the most like fucking thin skin insecure place in the world well that the did we bring up the text messages from this morning the air when erica said that we should make the oh yeah no yeah yeah erica texted us saying like someone should make that and i was like i ain't making that i woke up and i like yeah i woke up and i saw so erica said someone should make this to us and i was like i'm not doing that because that will be you know that'll be a thing that's why i think this one was actually done tactfully because no one's going to put a name to it but also that one is so

sporadically weird if you actually did the tables that people think they would sit at that would be more problematic I would think if it was just like the PMT table the KFC radio table, the Dave table it would be a whole fucking thing I don't know what the fuck

it's a God damn meme. Erica's text message was... Listen, table three don't care, but everybody else does. We got the best motherfucking table in the whole cafeteria, bitch. This is like when you're at a wedding and you try to have the fun table, you know what I mean? Like, we're the cool table. Let's make the most noise. We'll be the loudest. We'll be the coolest. Second half of the Best of

CCK is brought to you by Noom. Casey's in shape. Sounds like jealousy, Kevin. It's so ugly up close. It's so ugly up close. I work out. Thanks, man. You could work out too, Kevin.

Look at me. I'm KC. I'm eating another salad. If you use Noom, you'd be in shape too, Kevin. I know. That's the problem. I hate people like you, but I need a little bit of help because I don't have the willpower or the patience or the willpower or the uh

patience or the uh what's the word discipline and noom desire we could go down the list no i have the desire i have the desire i very much desire to look good and be in shape okay it's all the other shit that gets in the way well that's what noom is the assistance that helps you uh it's not about just losing weight it's about losing the weight and staying in shape you can get in, but then you go back to your old habits and you put all the weight back on. You lose all the energy and all the goodness and go back to all your old bad habits and you're right back in the same boat. Noom helps you stay in shape by learning healthy habits and implementing them and keeping them up throughout the rest of your life. It's a physical approach, a psychological approach, and a social approach that lets you stay in the shape that you want to be in.

So it's going to assist you. It can be your crutch. It can be your support system. They have a trainer you can talk to, I think, or community. They have a nutritionist that you can talk to. You can talk to other people using Noom. So it's almost like a support group to help you through your cravings or when you fall off track or whatever it may be you can talk to me on noom

kevin i'll help you out noom.com slash kfc sign up for your trial today you don't have to do it all in one day small steps it's not a sprint it's a marathon And Noom will help you along the way. It's N-O-O-M. Noom.com slash KFC. But no earplugs allowed. Oh, wait. Are you? Am I? Such a shot. Am I going to see you this weekend?

I don't know. Why? Jay Hayes wedding? Oh, you're coming? Yeah. I'll be there. Our table's going to be fucking pumped. It's going to be like me, you, and Del.

Dude, that's so weird. I always forget that he came into the Barstool world. I'm thinking about that, me being like elementary school event. Oh, yeah. Oh, me and the Rocket are going to tear up a wedding this weekend. So wait, you, Dow, is that it? Yeah. Oh, boy.

Yeah. Do you have a hotel? I don't have anything. Me neither. I forgot. I didn't get an invitation. I got a text message. He was like, what's your address?

I was like, just save it. I don't need one. Just tell me. But now that I didn't have it, I'm like, oh was like, uh, what's your address? I was like, just save it. I don't need one. Just tell me. But now that I didn't have it, I'm like, Oh, this is why like you have, you pin it on your fucking fridge and all that shit.

Cause I have like, I was like, what do you, I don't know. What's this weekend? Oh yeah. It was like my best friend's wedding. Right.

Whoops. Yeah. Are you in the wedding? No, not in the wedding, but, it's, it seems very casual.

When are you going? As we just do our plans here on. Yeah. I think Friday we're going to Baltimore so we can interview some Orioles players. We're trying to like represent every team starting now this year. Got it. You got to start checking. Yeah.

Yeah. We got the Marlins today. We got the Orioles on Friday. It's like the all-star game where it's like, yeah, I have one representative. Yeah. Just come on. So we're doing Baltimore like a quick day trip. And I think we're going from Baltimore to Connecticut.

Yeah. I don't know how to find it. I don't know how I'm getting there. That's going to be a shitty... I don't know how

I'm getting home either. Like once I get to... I haven't booked a hotel and I don't have like a trip back to New York so... Maybe I'll just call my mom and have a fucking idea.

No, it's near Fairfield. I have no idea. We'll just... Listen, we just got to like find somebody to go home with, bro. Oh yeah, hell yeah. Listen, just a couple

guys. It'll just be us. We'll just get it yeah. Hell yeah. Just a couple guys. It'll just be us. We'll just get it. We'll end up getting a hotel. We'll forget. Like, one of us will forget to book a hotel. Me and Kevin will end up snogging each other to save money.

No doubt. Taylor from Long Island. What do you got on the lunch table debate? What's up, guys? If you had to pick two people, any two people in the world to sit with you at your lunch table. It could be barstool people, it could be athletes, personalities, entertainment. Who would it be? And I want to hear everybody, so I'm very interested in that.

Like, is it as the four of us? No, you get you and two other people. Let's hit the break. We can all think about it during the break. Any two people... Did you say dead or alive? No, you said anybody. Fine, living. Any two people living, you can dead or alive? No. You said anybody. Fine, living. Any two people living, you can sit at your lunch table at school with.

When we come back, more lunch table talk on CSK. Guys, I figured out why no one wants to sit at our lunch table. What? That's it. This is great lunch time banter. This is great lunch time banter. What are you talking about?

I'm a Googler right now. Tooth condom. When you were walking back in, we just again had the realization that that the entire meme was made to make fun of us like we were like boy really we really walked into that one like i was talking i was so excited like what are the other tables you know what i thought was funny like i i because we were number two so i thought i thought every three i thought i thought all of them were gonna have have some sort of parenthetical.

You get these guys, but you don't get this. The only thing for the whole game was that you have to listen to us talk. Yes. And you have to sit with Greeny and Riggs and a piece of cardboard. That's a great table, by the way. That one's nice and quiet. You can just talk basketball and enjoy yourself. King of the table.

Kevin, during the break, was like, we all realized it happened at the exact same time and they just took a radio show and just popped it down. Everyone else is mixed and matched. Yeah, king of the table. Yeah, Kevin during the break was like, yeah, we all realized it happened at the exact same time. And they just took a radio show and just popped it down. Everyone else is mixed and matched. With a simulation of no earplugs. It's like, you got to listen to these fucking assholes talk. Guess what?

Guess what? A lot of people do. Yeah. A lot of people want to sit at that table. A lot of people do. A lot of people like that table. Oh, no. A lot of people like our table.

Because wasn't he the kid that Millie Bobby Brown asked Drake for advice? And everyone was like, dude, you can't give a 13-year-old girl dating advice. I disagree with that still. What? You think that Drake can hang out with them? I don't think he can hang out, but there are so few people. I mean, they can hang out, sure. But if she said, like, I go to him for advice, there are so few people in the world who can level with what Millie Bobby Brown is going through that none of them are 12 year olds. I know, but Drake wasn't famous

at 12. He was famous young on Degrassi. Like, I don't know. Like, go to Also, he's like 30 now. Yeah, go to somebody that's like 20, 21. But like, I mean, it's people do with like your aunt. People talk to their aunt like about. Are Millie Bobby Brown and Drake that close? I don't know.

I don't think it's that great. If he's like, come over, we'll have a glass of wine and talk about it, that's weird. But if he's just sending him a text like, I have a boy shop, I don't think that's that weird. Is it a text or a tweet? How Millie and Drake communicated? That was text. I think it was sex advice too, wasn't it?

I don't think it was sex advice. I think you're making stuff up. I'm not making it up. If he's teaching her how to have sex, yes, that's weird. No, no, no, I don't mean advice. I think that it was like, think it was sex advice. I think you're making stuff up. I'm not making it up. If he's talking about, if he's teaching her how to have sex, yes, that's me. No, no, no, no. I don't mean advice. I think that it was like somewhere it was Drake shouldn't be talking about like a physical relationship with two 13-year-olds to a 13-year-old. If I knew that you were texting with a 13-year-old, I think that would be weird.

Well, yeah, but that's- Whoa, Roan is flying. I don't know if he's cheating, but if he's going to blow people out of the water. I think that's different. It's known to like, what do I know drake was famous young that she's dealing with she's like how there are a lot of really famous young people that are not in their 30s talking to a 13 year old girl you're a little bit famous what if you're talking to a 13 year old girl what about 13 year old girl texted you like a podcast yeah i i would say i'm more normal than drake i would be like

no way okay that's my just want to make sure of that i would not but i wouldn't give anybody in the world advice at all yeah but yeah i i don't think it's the craziest thing in the world i think it's a little strange a little uncomfortable i wouldn't do it but i'm not like oh he's a rapist because he doesn't oh i didn't say that if they would have been friends for a long time like if he was always in the mix then that'd be one thing i don't know i don't know that answer if it's just out of nowhere millie i don't think you know what i don't think that was their first communication drake and millie by round got hurt by r kelly that all the r kelly shit was coming out and there was the r kelly video was coming out like kind of history i know but i'm

saying that those were like uh pictures with like 16 year old girls being like what's up my bae and oh no it was like i think one girl he was like kind of seen as she was like two years together or whatever and she had just turned 18 and it was like people were like i didn't know that yeah it was like a side by side with like that and her actual birthday right people like i think the third one was like the ladies and gentlemen we got him he's had a couple like like for the record i don't think that his millie bobby brown stuff was like pedophile i think it's just weird yeah i mean it's out of the norm for sure but i i just think i i look at now her eyes where there's so few people who can understand what's happening i just still i mean

i'll also say this though to keep it very literal like if i could text with millie bobby brown i would because she's the more famous one you know what what I mean? I'd be like, yo, Millie texted me, bro. I would be the fan. I'm older, but she's more famous, so therefore I am the lesser than. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'd be asking Millie Bobby Brown for advice. Yeah.

If they were family friends. Come on the show, Millie Bobby Brown. Drake doesn't find somebody that's like 20. Just find someone you're early. It's also one of those things where if I, I guess if she first texted me, I would be like, I think,

well, that's kind of rude to not like, I'm leaving this little kid out to dry. Little kid though. That's right. But like, I wouldn't be like, whoa,

show him your touch. I would, I would just, I would be like, hi, I'd be like, hi, how are you?

That's what Drake was saying. Like, I can't leave her like on read. I can't talk. I can't reply to her text because people on the internet will think it's weird. Like, hi, that sucks. I'm sorry you're going through that. I don't know. I try to say something.

I'll ask. Drake has a history of ignoring little kids. Son. I get it. I want to be clear. You are hiding a child. It's one of the best worst rap lines ever in case you don't get the joke

in case you're not understanding the rhymes you are hiding a child he hits it so hard it was just so mean it was just mean spirited but it was great to watch from outside let's talk to Jarrett from Chicago what do you got on Drizzy

oh hey what's up guys nothing from outside. Let's talk to Jarrett from Chicago. What do you got on Drizzy? Oh, hey. What's up, guys? Nothing. Talking Drake. What do you got? I don't really understand. He's had a few bangers. I get that. Drake? Oh, of course. Yeah, he's had a few.

He's had a few thousand. A couple, yeah. Agreed. But my question is, if he wasn't so renownly popular, do you think that these things with these kids and the weird antics on the sidelines and the kid, like, let's say if he was like a Logic type, he would just absolutely be ruined? Yeah, no.

I mean, this goes back to the LeBron. Like, certain people can get away with certain things. If Logic is doing all this, people are like, go away. Nobody likes you, Logic. Drake is so popular that he gets to do it. And even then, some people are like, we don't like even Drake. You're being so annoying. Yeah, popular people can do popular things.

Right. It goes all the way back to when we talked about Ad Nauseum last year. The children thing is even more so. It's like, famous people. Millie Bobby Brown is how old now? I would guess 15. 15, right? And so, yes, she's too young to ever like be with or have any sort of even weird conversation with.

But she's also like not really 15. She's like an international superstar. She could probably school adults on something. Right. I mean like the Kardashians like talk to her and stuff and like nobody thinks it's her. The Kardashians is a good example too. It's like when people were talking about Kylie and Kendall when they were 16 or whatever. It's like they're in a different world.

Not saying that you should hook up with them. I'm just saying when famous people are talking or if you're acting together or you're on songs together, it's just – it's not normal people. They live in a different world. It's a different reality. Now again, you shouldn't be talking about your boyfriend at the age of 14. But if Drake and Millie Bobby Brown were to be in a music video together or something and they were continuing to talk, it's just like, hey, we're ultra famous people who are dominating the world. What's up? Yeah, we're the.0000.

We have the password to the most exclusive company in the world. And you're a little bit older. I'm a little bit younger. Like you said, you were famous when you were young. What's up? I think it's one. But also, I also get the flip side of people being like, Drake, stop talking to a 14-year-old.

Yeah, I wouldn't. Whoa, Ryan. Whoa. Goodbye. What was that? It's not something I would talk regularly, but if she texted me, I would reply. Right.

I think, I don't know. Did she come out and say it first? Is that how it is? Yeah, she said it on the red carpet, I think, for Stranger Things 3. Drake was probably like. Oh, no, Godzilla. I think, I don't know. Did she come out and say it first? Is that how it is? She said it on the red carpet, I think for Stranger Things 3. Drake was probably like, oh no, Godzilla.

I bet it was Godzilla. And she was like, yeah, like I talked to him about like my relationship advisor. That's where it fucked up. Like they could have just mentioned one time, like, hey,

I have a boyfriend. You don't know. But because she said it that way, it's for people like, why is a 30 something year old man giving you? Yeah, that's actually true. She probably did it trying to sound cool.

Yeah, I was talking to Drake. Like someone at middle school being like, my friend's mom is this or whatever, you know? And Drake's like, are you fucking shut up one text, Millie?

God damn! Actually, that's probably the real story. Drake probably hates Millie Bobby Brown. This dumb little bitch is airing me out. Yo, everybody's got a numby.

You got a numby? You got a numby. Ten got a numby? You got a numby. $10 billion. I lost my dog in, well, I say this, obviously it wasn't a divorce, but she's a child of divorce. My ex-boyfriend has her. But like your life's still going on? Well, yeah, but I would pay a lot.

So if you're going to have a $10 billion? In like that situation? Sure. Okay, do you know who you're giving it to? Yeah, the person buying it. A famous video gamer. Yeah. A famous video YouTuber. Let's say Ninja so you understand more no no i don't i think if like if i knew my ex-boyfriend who i know is going to take really good care of her that would be different than just some stranger taking her that's such a win-win

transaction there too because he becomes a hero but he gets two million dollars and like and and she almost looks you know like now like I'm giving the dog a better life. No, she wouldn't. She'd look like an asshole because she asked for $2 million. I mean, no. You know? No, no, no. He said, name your price.

You said, name your price, bro. Like, that's the thing. It's like, if she was like, you know what? Like, I just, she's not going to give up the dog, by the way, because then that would be admitting that she's not a good dog owner. But if she was like, yeah, you know what? Like, I should give it away. You know what?

Admitting you're not a good dog owner is beating your fucking dog. I know. I completely agree with that. But she's not going to do that because she thinks she's a good dog owner but if she was like yeah you know what like i should you know what it's admitting you're not a good dog owner is beating your fucking dog i know i completely agree with that but she's not gonna do that because she thinks she's a good dog owner if she's like i need two million dollars to give my dog away i mean uh lena dunham gave the dog back for free yeah much well she got all the heat for being a bad dog owner i've given a dog back as well i had it for like three days yeah uh let's not use I was in college. I was not. No, I'm saying, but you know, she, she got all the heat for being a bad dog owner. So, you know, you might as well get some cash for it.

Yeah. If I, if I knew my income was about to disappear. Yeah. And I was going to be living out on the streets. Especially like. Like what? What did you want? What did you want?

Big dogs. I thought you were okay. Dogs around for what? A few more years. I thought you were okay with homeless people having dogs. I am. So I'm not okay with being homeless though. Well,

okay. That's fair. But if you were going to be homeless, you'd want your dog. I'm okay with homeless people having dogs. I am not okay with John Feinberg being a homeowner. And if that means I have to sell my dog, I might be selling my dog for a couple of milli.

You got to start selling off assets. What's your biggest, most beautiful, most attractive one? This dog. I don't think I would do it. Casey, you have a number. Everybody has a number for everything. Don't fucking just stay here and lie. Casey, I'll sell you.

I'll fucking sell you. I would do porn before I would sell my dog. And there go the phone lines. They're lighting up. I hate white people. You would do porn before selling would sell my dog. And there go the phone lines. They're lighting up. I hate white people. You would do porn before selling your dog? Yes. White people and their dogs, right, Zah?

Yo, I'd sell my mom. I'd sell my dad. You would sell yourself. I would sell anybody for millions of dollars. Anyone in my family can go. I don't give a shit. I don't think I could sell my kids. I could sell any adult in my family. I couldn't sell my kids.

Yeah, I get that. That's fine. Shane Keegan will stay with me. BC's up for sale right now. My mom, my dad. I mean, I don't even know. Technically, I wouldn't have the power to sell them, but if I did, see ya. I'll put you motherfuckers on eBay tomorrow.

I don't have kids, and I understand it's wildly different between having a dog and a kid. But to me, the closest thing. I mean, my dog. Yo, you haven't seen your kid in like months then okay but i i send her gifts every month she's a bark all right fine fine you can keep sending your own dog gifts yeah do you have the same exact situation pictures and everything too yes do i know she's taken care of yeah i know she's in a good home dude if anybody famous that doesn't mean he's a good fucking owner murdering dogs. You would know if somebody bought the dog,

you would know if all of a sudden they turned around and abused it. If you're going to buy a dog because it's being abused, you are going to make it a spectacle of how good of an owner you are. You're not on a ship to Jerkistan or whatever. Wherever Shakin' happens. Yeah. You're still into good people. If I know she's going to good people, and I can still have a relationship with her, then I would maybe have a number for that.

You're goddamn right you will. And I'll be honest, your divorce dog, he's hanging out at home with a single guy. I'm not saying he's a bad dog owner, but it's probably like whatever. It's like if I'm sitting around dunking, I'm like, yeah, you can eat this and eat that. Like whatever, dude. Oh, I forgot to think yeah, you can eat this and eat that. Like, whatever, dude. Yeah. Oh, I forgot. Like, whatever.

Most of my time at home is spent being yelled at for fucking around with the dog. Yeah. Yeah. Feeding it cheeseburgers. Yeah. Wrestling. It's like, come on, you got to get her excited. It's almost bedtime. I'm like, I don't give a shit.

We're playing. If you got a problem with it, sell it for $2 million. This just makes me miss my dog now. Zah, how much to sell your dog? Zah's like 75 bucks. And I I'm a big I grew up a dog person I grew up my whole life with German Shepherds I would go What's your number to retire back to the village

That would probably be the number for your dog 200 grand I mean I love dogs I love dogs but at the same time I'm also practical so I would actually go less than 200 grand Didn I love dogs. I love dogs, but at the same time, I'm also practical. So I would actually go less than $200,000. Didn't you ask for half a million dollars to do porn? Yeah.

But I mean, that drives me what he just said. I'd rather sell my dog than do porn. No. I mean, all these, we do these. $20,000. $20,000 for your dog? That might be a little low, but. Yeah, that's low.

It's funny because we do so many. How much to kiss your dog? How much to kiss my dog? That might be a little low. It's funny because we do so many. How much to kiss your dog? How much to kiss? Unlimited. Infinity. When we do these hypotheticals, it's one thing to answer them or to play the game on Answer the Internet or be funny about it or even you try to be honest. It's another thing if I were to drop the fucking cash on the table. If you saw a pile of cash, even as low as $20,000,

I think you'd be like, I want to walk home with that. No, I don't think that I would. I think I would pay $20,000 to get her back right now. Well, I think you would. Let's get him on the line. Let's get him on the line because I think you'd be like, done. No, because when we broke up, I was like, I'm going to buy her from you. And he was like, there's no amount of money that you can give me.

Yeah, but that was spite. Now that things have calmed down, he'll drive you. We've been broken up for a few years. Brian from Long Island, what do you got on the dogs? Yeah, for a few years. That was a perfect segue. I was actually going to ask Casey to find out the reverse. So the dog is lost.

What would you pay to get her back? Because I saw one sign in the past for 50 grand for a dog. And I love my dog, but I don't have 50 grand to give. Yeah, like if you're a dog got lost and you're putting up posters and it's like reward for and you actually had to pay the reward, what's the number you're putting up there? As much as in my bank account. And more. I'd ask people for more money.

No, that's stupid. That's how much I love my dog. Because now you're going to have a dog and you can't even like no but you're just a bad gm because oh yeah people are just accidentally finding that dog no one's going searching for that dog oh i thought you were saying like ransom oh i i thought it was just like putting up like how did this person just saw on a post but i'll do either but i'll do either you can put a hundred dollars they're looking for it as hard. I guess not. No, no, no.

I think if you have a legit reward, people would. But let's even say it's ransom. Would you wipe your bank account out to get your dog back? And now what? You can't even live your life. You can't even buy your dog food. Obviously, that sounds ridiculous. So no.

But I feel like if you're a dog person, hypothetically, you would do anything to keep your dog. Hypothetically. But when the chips are down, it's like down, Kevin, I don't have to prove it. Let's say, okay. So I can just lie. No, I'm not lying. I'm just going to lie on the radio because there's no missing dog.

No, I mean, I can't replicate the missing dog situation. I'm not lying. I'm saying that until I was actually faced with this problem, it's kind of like when people get pregnant, you can have an opinion, but until you're actually faced with the decision, I think that you might not really understand. That's a good one. My dog is safe and sound right now. Everybody loves the idea of like, let's not do anything drastic until you're a teenager with a pregnant girlfriend. Let's go back to the rundown at the old office.

When Dave was actually like down a whole bunch of money, he was legitimately considering with a pregnant girlfriend. Let's go back to the rundown at the old office when Dave was actually down a whole bunch of money. He was legitimately considering being a cam guy. He was talking about Ray J coming on his back. 500 grand to let Ray J jerk off on him. When you're actually down and out, you have a little bit of a different opinion than when you're sitting and you're all cozy.

I know my dog right now is probably laying in her down comforter bed eating her really nice food. Maybe, as far as you think. No, no, no, no. She's probably eating like pizza crust and like whatever. That's fine. She's happy. I know she's happy.

I don't have to make this hypothetical or real life thing. Jesse, real quick before break, what do you got? I just want to know, what do you think this ratio would be if the video was of a baby, not a dog? How much is that doggy in the window? The one with the waggly tail. How much is that doggy in the window? I do hope that dog is for sale. I'm so happy that it's Zaha behind the glass.

I might take a trip to California. I'm so happy that it's Zaha behind the glass. Because Zaha has no, like, he's not soft on this issue at all. He'll lean right into it and play a song like this. Fuck you crazy white people and your ridiculous dogs. You're fucking insane. You won't take money for a dog? Are you fucking kidding me, white people? Are you fucking kidding me? It's my fucking kids, Zaha.

What? Zaha, listen. Are you kidding me, white people? Are you fucking kidding me? If my fucking kids are, what? She's a child of divorce. I'm saying, as a member of Team Portnoy, you better be careful. Portnoy will go crazy over this kind of shit. I was thinking about this. I was thinking about this during halftime. If Dave could have all of his gambling debt

completely erased and get like, let's say, half a million dollars to just play with and gamble. I still don't think he would sell Stella. Here's my question. Do people know that he sold Stella? Yeah. I think that's the whole thing.

Cause I still think he would do it. I don't think he would. I think it's all about like perception. A lot of times I think you don't want to be Michael Vick. No, I don't think that he would. My thing with dogs is so warped because like Casey's like talks about like how it's her child.

And my mom treats our dogs just like they're her children. But she could take or leave her children. Yeah, my mom hates her children. I don't know. You go. Fine. Brent, do you know my brother back there? My mom told me she was going to kill herself the other day.

Something happened. I mean, I've definitely chopped like 10 years off her life with everything that's gone on with me the past couple years. And then something else happened. I mean, I, I've definitely chopped like 10 years off her life with everything that's gone on with me the past couple of years. And then like something else happened. She was like, and I'm just, I just, I'm just going to kill myself. I was like,

Jesus Christ, mom. You said that a little too serious. Like there was no chuckle in your voice. There was no laughing going on. Have you ever heard? People listen to you too much. I told you when I went back to Texas.

Or maybe I'm listening to her. Maybe I, you know, maybe see where I get it from. because when i went home for a wedding and i hadn't been back to texas in over like a year and i just casually said something at the reception i was like you know i'm just gonna kill myself the looks i got were not they were like legitimately concerned i was like oh no no no no my co-host just starts to kill himself on a daily basis mine is the opposite this is what i grew up with i've told told this story on KFC Radio where my mom was sitting in the kitchen with my older sister, and my younger sister was training for the Boston Marathon, and she came in after a run. And she's like, why is life so hard and so long?

And my mom just didn't even look up from the crosshair puzzle she was doing. She just goes, well, it's only as long as you want it to be. Oh, my God. It's so dark. You don't have to be here. It's only as long as you want it to be can you imagine if that like happened like publicly the outcry like the public's perception would be like you have parents now just telling kids to kill themselves speaking of that um she my mom's coming for a weekend in october okay i I think we're going to do a KS3 Gold episode with her. Oh, man. Polly fights on Gold. Subscriptions.

I haven't talked to her. Subscriptions. Through the roof. Is your mom as cool as your dad? Oh, she's cooler. She's cooler? She's cooler. Polly fights is probably the most dynamic character out of all Barstool parents.

I love it. Casey, she had the family take a christmas photo at a funeral i mean that is i've heard that resourceful fucking parenting i've ever heard in my life she's brilliant it's like all sad and it's so i love that one there's only time the family was dressed up and when i texted her about it because i wanted to make sure we i think i told the story i wanted to make sure i had it right so i texted her like the next day and she sent me the picture and she's like she's like why do you want this why is it so weird i was like well we were getting ready for nana's

funeral and she said make hay while the sun shines two birds one stone make hay with the sunshine some euphemism let's just fucking take the picture. Is that what it is? Something like that? Yeah. It's great. It's great. It's like, you gotta make hay while the sun shines. You can never get you guys dressed up. What are the-

You can see me. I've been crying. I had the red swollen eyes in the Christmas picture. Everyone's in black. Merry Christmas from the Feidelbergs. Didn't you say your siblings were happy as shit? Yeah, well, they were all really- I think me and my sister were the only ones who really just was happening we had two much younger sisters who were kind of smiling and i mean you guys were fully comprehending that grandma's dead

grandma's fucking dead mom what are the chances of a kfc radio gold episode with both mama feidelberg and mama my mom my mom is down to do the Mets podcast. I don't know if she's down to clown, like, you know, just talking shit. Yeah, my mom will do whatever. I mean, we're not going to do, like, ATI questions. No, no, no. I mean, my mom would probably do, she'd definitely talk about the Mets. She would maybe talk about me at bars, like, her experience.

What was it like when you found out you got the job? And did you want him to leave work? And shit like that. I don't know if she's going be like you know really getting in the mix with some of the shit we talk about i think she'll talk about anything i think she'll talk about if my mom's drunk or not because it's it's like my mom doesn't really drink gotta get her drunk she's just like at normal she's like has like a glass of wine sometimes but the uh the i think i think she still doesn't get like what it is.

Like she'll, she'll think it's just, she's just talking to us. She won't. Oh, right. Right. She won't realize that hundreds of thousands of people are down.

I mean, that's what we do. That's how I get away with it. I'm just like, I don't know. I'm only talking to four people in the room. We're not going to have her on camera for the gold, but she'll be.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like a Rico Bosco type situation. Yeah. We have like a voice changer. It's like, hello,

Paulie. Uh, Josh from Philly. What do you got on this dog? Hypothetical. Rico Bosco type situation. We had like a voice changer. It's like, hello, Paulie Fido, bro. Josh from Philly, what do you got on this dog hypothetical? So my aunt had a beagle that was so overweight because it was basically her child. She's diabetic. She couldn't have kids. So that dog, she fed that dog. The dog would eat steak.

We would eat meatloaf like the dog got so overweight to the point where she got cancer and she was getting tumors and stuff so the one day she didn't move all day so my uncle took her to the vet and my aunt was a mess she was hysterical she goes in he goes in there and the doctor said, listen, we, the vet goes, we got to put this dog down. There's nothing. She's in an extreme amount of pain. There's really nothing we could do for her. And my uncle opened up his checkbook and handed it to the vet. He was like, I don't care what number you write, write a number down, make that dog better. I cannot go home to my wife without that dog. And that was, he put his money down. He put his money on the line. Well, I mean, that's great. I just, you know, sometimes, you know, money doesn't fix the problem, though, right? I mean, dog's sick, dog's sick.

But, yeah, I mean, there are people out there who will pay whatever it takes. I mean, my dog, my family dog needed surgery. Uh, he had like disc issues. It's funny. I think me and my dog had the same back surgery, but, um, like, uh, I think my parents would be inclined at the time to like, if she, if my mom had had the same back problems, I think she'd just like power through it and be like, whatever. But the dog, it was like five grand.

She was like, here you go. Yeah. But I'll do the same thing with our dogs. Like my mom has a torn MCL.'s had one forever yeah she probably just will right but if the dog had something like fix it yeah the uh chaps just quote tweeted a tweet very funny quote tweet but the this this seems so stupid to me this question it says you get paid one thought i can get the exact thing up right now. You get paid $1,000 a day for the rest of your life, but you cannot comment, tweet, post about your favorite team.

Do you take it? Yes. $365,000 a day to not post about my teams? $365,000 a year. Yes. I get rid of social media completely for that. I am trying to do this. It's not even right.

It's not even a tweet about Texas A&M football. I would get rid of every single social media for that. I am trying to do this. It's not even a tweet about Texas A&M football. I would get rid of every single social media for that. I'll get rid of a lot of shit for that. I'll have to have money. I'll get rid of myself. I'll kill myself for $1,000 a day. Those people will miss my New Jersey Devils coverage. There are people that are saying that they wouldn't

do that. I think the first reply to it is I'm getting a lot more. $1,000 a day for the rest of your life, but you can ever tweet, comment, post about your favorite team on social media. Would you take the deal? Not going to lie. I really thought I'd get a lot more no answers is what the guy replied to. $365,000

a year to just not tweet sports. You can't watch. My job, my very high-paying job is I don't tweet about the Red Sox Patriots Bruins and Celtics sold sold and that's for you like you you're kind of

giving something up because like yeah, you know gets really soak in the World Series but you do because you can watch it yeah, right, right, but I'm saying it in more well, right, but I'm saying if let's say get off on on like the I mean, we're addicted to Twitter. So I'm trying to do that like for free.

I want to get I want to get rid of all my sports teams. Like it's it's been a poison in my life forever. And I'm trying to just do it because I do it for three hundred sixty five grand. And you wouldn't be as sad when they lost because you're like, I don't have to really be accountable for this. Like I'm making a thousand dollars. That's basically that's basically like paying for the idea of the console like the whole thought of being like i'm just trying to remove myself if someone said here's 365 000 i would just do it perpetually for every team every season no non-stop no problem yeah and also someone said you know with an extra thousand dollars a day i could do all the things i'd rather be doing than sitting on twitter like twitter is great when you

just i'm sitting all home alone in my apartment i I'm going to start tweeting. If I'm like, I got 365 of expendable income where I'm traveling, I'm sitting on the beach, I'm doing things, going places, eating fancy restaurants. Sure. I can still have my job. I can still. Well, no, not this job. I can have this job. Yeah, if you just don't tweet it.

That's it. Yeah, but you can tweet about anything else. I can just not tweet. I wouldn't get fired from this job. If you didn't. I mean, we don't don't tweet it. Yeah, but you can tweet about anything else. I can just not tweet. I wouldn't get fired from this job. If you didn't. I mean, we don't even talk about sports. Ten years ago, I would have gotten fired from this job. Now, I would not lose this job if I stopped tweeting about sports.

Especially if that was a running storyline. But it's not even just sports. It's just your favorite team. So you could tweet about if the Celtics aren't in the NBA Finals. What a loophole that is. I'm talking about, you know, I'm not talking about the Mets, I'm talking about the Cubs. The Mets and Cubs played last night. When we went to all

the Bruins stuff, I wasn't tweeting that much then because he was on camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Barstool Sports is tweeting out the videos of me, but I'm not doing anything. I bet you also you would be like, I'm going to just cover television

now or whatever you'd probably like just you'd probably focus in more on one vertical you let's just fucking you would do this you would do what jared does when he's trolling all the fans that say he only tweets about the red sox when he starts tweeting about like cody bellinger launching a home run you that's what you would do and get paid a thousand dollars a day to do it 365 no joke man i'm just looking through i can't i mean even believe it's a question. I don't think I'm seeing... I'm not seeing a single person who said...

That's rare. No, I would rather tweet about home runs that make $365,000 per year. So I get paid $365,000 a year to be a more mentally stable person? Nah, no way. Yeah, this is one of the worst hypotheticals of all time. And it's going to be one of those rare internet debates

that probably everybody's on one side. Okay, let's say you can't even watch your team. I mean, that's definitely much more of a question. But again, I'm looking for the impetus to do this, the reason to do it. And I think $365,000. That's actually like so much money. It's what it's, it's you're paying someone to not have addiction,

which speaking of poly, my mother did with my little brother when he was in high school, she would pay him. She kept, as long as he didn't dip, she asked me like how much money I spent on dip in five years. And like, once he got through like the window,

when you would probably start dipping, she just paid him to not do it. And it worked. Right. And it worked, right? And it worked. That's a very smart parenting. My mom used to just pay me for every A I got in school. Yeah. Pizza Hut used to pay you to get A's.

Yeah. Pizza Hut, yeah. Used to pay you to read books. Cash? No, it paid in pizza. In pizza. Yeah. Yeah, but you would get the thing.

It's like you get a free pizza or you get free cookies or whatever else. That's pretty cool. Yeah. I think my mom. Positive reinforcement. I want to say my mom did like 50 bucks for an A or maybe like 50 i never got paid for grades and but i mean it definitely worked like i went out and got aids aids and i just said aids definitely didn't go out and get aids i went i got i got like a few hundred bucks per like uh report card and at the time it was like balling yeah yeah i mean

10 bucks yeah sick right a lot of airheads with ease. Right. Like 15 cents a pop. If you couldn't watch your favorite team, could you still like, I mean, obviously you'd still be able to know what's going on, right? Yeah. Yeah. I think I would still do that for 365 grand.

Like I find out after every A&M football game, what happened? I think I'd be fine. Yeah. Especially. I mean, there are times where like, you know, I can read a Mets recap and know, not even a recap, just like the play-by-play and the box score, and I know how that game went. You know what I mean? Yeah, they're probably, in your entire sports fandom, in all four sports, there are probably 12 games a year that are like, whoa, I have to watch. I can't believe I missed that. If you did

miss it, that's what your reaction would be. There are probably 12 total a year. You're saying three per sport? Something like that. And 12 might be high. With Boston teams, it's maybe a little more. But with most teams, it's probably less. Honestly, I would say maybe even the opposite for you.

Nah, because there are Patriot games you got AFC championships Super Bowl there's two and there's usually at least one or two regular season ones oh you're saying just like the caliber of the game you're not saying how exciting they are like the Miami Interco last year like that's a game that well I don't care if we lost well no I know but I'm saying like

like for Dolphins fans are going to look at that game like that would be one that they would have been really sad like there was an exciting moment but I'm saying like for Dolphins fans are going to look at that game like that would be one that they would have been really sad that they missed. Like there was an exciting moment. Right. But I'm saying for you, it's like, yeah, it was exciting. Yeah. No. Do you even get excited?

Do I? It's like in the AFC Championship. AFC Championship, yes. But like a regular season game, if like they stage a comeback, it's just like whatever. Exactly. Win or lose. No, the last one, at least that i vividly remember getting real jacked up about was october 2013 when uh that's so long the i'm sure there

have been other ones but that's the one that really sticks out because that was such an amazing day that was uh pat saints with the unicorn show ponies and i watched that at fenway i watched like the final drive at fenway and then that turned into poppy's grand slam game so that was that's a day i very strong though that that game had two games in one that day the fact that it was 2013 and it's 2019 and you can point that out as those are the last year you remember like you could go without watching most regular season games yeah for years and then i'm on the other side of the spectrum where it's like i i can go without watching them because they're all terrible you know for the spectrum where it's like I can go without watching them because they're all terrible. You know?

For the most part, it's like – now, this is where it's interesting. Like I'm actually going to be excited to watch Jets games this year. I know. I love the Sam Darnold kid. I love him. I heard you say that yesterday. Was it yesterday? You were just like, I think I like Sam Darnold.

Yeah. Where did that come from? It was Tom Brady's birthday. He turned down wishing Tom Brady a happy birthday. They asked all these quarterbacks to film a quick, like, hey, Tom, happy birthday. And he said no, which honestly I think is like a no-brainer. But given the world today, it kind of makes sense that it actually would be a thing that he said no. See, I don't think at his age, I don't think it is a no-brainer that you would say that.

Because at his age, he grew up playing, wanting to be Tom Brady probably. Yeah, but I mean, I feel like it's in your division. That would be like golfer. Yeah, I get that. Is he a California boy too? I know he played at USC, but is he from California? I don't know. That's a good question, I feel like that'd be like golfers. That'll be like golfer. Yeah, I get that. California boy too. I know I play at USC, but is he from California? I don't know.

It's a good question. I should probably not, but that's like, it would be like golfers that are growing up now, like not wanting to say happy birthday to Tiger woods. Like that would be weird to me. Yeah. Yeah.

Cap, Capistrano beach. Um, yeah. I mean, if you're a quarterback in California, I'm sure you're a big Tom Brady guy. Right.

But I think it's pretty like if you, if you are on a quote unquote rival in the division, I think even – I'm sure he wants to. But I think it's – you've got to know like the PR of it to be like – I think that's like a – not character building but team building. I mean I guess you could make the argument that it's happened with the Jets before. Fuck them. I'm not kissing the rings. It's bulletin board material type shit.

I don't think that one's so much bulletin board. No, I would hope not. You guys will make bulletin board material out of anything. I think that's something Brady's like, I respect that. Yeah, but I can see the fans being like... Can you imagine if Tom Brady was that petty? Like, Sam Darnold didn't wish me a happy birthday. Maybe he is.

Maybe he's like, I'm going to go fucking drop six on his head this week. And then walk by and be like, should have wished me a happy birthday, bitch. Next year you will. I think win or lose now, it'll be interesting to watch the Jets because hopefully they'll be doing it right and doing it in a way that is interesting for the future. So I would mind missing those games.

But for the most part, man. For the most part. My point being, if I watch those games. Like, like my point being, if I watched, like I said, if I read a Mets recap now, I already know what it is.

Like if they lost, I can be like, all right, right here is where Mickey, yep. Mickey made the wrong choice with the bullpen. And like right here, Alonzo hit a home run between the seventh and ninth inning.

Cause that's what he does. And like, I get it all. Whereas the jets this year, it's going to be like, I don't know what to expect yet. Like, I don't know how they're going to play out.

And like reading just a recap of it wouldn't really convey it. But again, for 365K, fucking forget it. You know what? This is my best way to describe it. And I've always said I'm like in a marriage with the Mets, right? And that's why I get so uptight about them and defensive about them. You know, if you're just dating someone, you're just fucking someone you don't care. When you're married to them, you get in fights with them and you hate their behavior because it's so part of your life.

I'm in an abusive relationship with the Mets. And right now I'm the guy who was in like the big blow up fight in public. And then they show up together at the party. And you're like, wait, you guys are still together. You were just screaming in each other's face at that wedding. Oh, yeah, whatever. I don't know, man. Listen, you don't know about our relationship.

You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. She just dropped two in a row at home with the Gromit Cinderguard gun. What'd you expect? What'd you expect? Speaking of Cinderguard. He deleted that picture real quick. He put up some picture yesterday. Motherfucker looks like deadpool

he deleted it is it anywhere i need to see it like the first deadpool like before the movie like when when he uh like it was i think he was in x-men or something like that he had like an appearance in a movie before he had his own deadpool movie yeah and he just looks like it was awful it was like the worst character ever that completely redid it for his films and that's he looked the og one yeah it was not not not he looks like just him his hair that was just syndergaard looks like deadpool and not the successful one how long did he keep it up it was quick it was quick because by the time I, yeah, whatever, dude. Now, it's not about that right now.

He's throwing gas. He's striking motherfuckers out. I mean, I'm just roaming on the mound tonight. If the Stroh show can do some big time shit at home against the Nats, it's going to be this city. City fields will be shaking. It will burn to the ground. The Mets are already owning the headlines and whatnot. If they just one win tonight against the Nationals to show like, all right, well, we're going to do it against the good teams, too.

And that also means if a couple of things break their way, they will actually officially be in to playoff position. They're a half a game out now. If they win tonight, they do it convincingly. Marcus Stroman does it with half a game out now. If they win tonight, they do it convincingly. Marcus Stroman does it with a lights-out appearance. They take over the wildcard position. Yikes. I know it'll forever be a Yankee city,

but when the Mets do grab it, it's usually because of a miracle. When the Yankees dominate, it's kind of like, oh yeah, the Yankees are on the back page, the Yankees are the talk of the town, because they always are. The Yankees are almost so good, it's like, yeah, we know they're 40 games above 500, what's the big deal? The Mets doing it, it's always like, watch the fuck out, this is going to be a Mets town for a little bit. For a little bit, I'm not saying it's a Mets town, I don't need your calls all fucking

day, it's the Yankee town. Fuck you guys. Right now, the Mets are the the exciting team and i'm back together with her okay and then you know guess what in two weeks we're gonna have another blow up fight too you have to deal with it yeah it's it's just just how it goes the the uh the the season finale of euphoria they're at the prom and there's this one couple maddie and nate and they're like super fucking toxic it's so weird because they're like a high school couple but they're going through like extremely bad problems and uh they are dancing at one point and the rest of the girls in euphoria are like maddie and nate you know what they're probably gonna like get divorced three times and like have a horribly toxic relationship.

And live a pretty happy life in some weird, strange, backwards way. And that's me and the Mets. Maddie and Nate. I had a buddy who was in a bad relationship. And it reminds me of you and the Mets. We used to always be like, dude, what are you doing? It's like, back together, not together, back together, big fight. Always kind of just making us feel awkward.

When they're not together, they're talking mad shit. They get back together and it's like always. You have to pretend they didn't say that. Casey always with the mad shit. I love it. I'm going to say it even more just to bother you. It's like when you went through your Fortnite period, like every once in a while you would just drop Fortnite.

I was like, I fucking hate that. Anytime we would get like upset him, not upset with him, but just kind of explain to him what was going on, he'd just go, guys, no one makes me cum like she cums. Exactly. Exactly. I've always said when they were at their lowest,

the company line that a lot of radio hosts and beat reporters and everyone was saying is like, and we did an episode on this, uh, on KC radio. It was like, we are in the new era where people are just coming to their senses being like, this is bad for my life and I'm going to separate from it. But then it's so good when it's good that you can't fully break it off. Cause nobody makes,

nobody makes me come like the fucking Mets make me come. Okay. When, when the, when they're clicking, I'm just cumming all over the place. When you think about it, it's really romantic. It is. I'm the most romantic Mets fan out there. I love hard. I fight hard.

I'm so insanely passionate that I'm miserable and I'm kicking you out. But then I'm also literally cumming when they go back to back and they take the lead in Alonzo saying LFGM. I'm coming in my pants. How about you? The Mets are your sex soulmate. Yes. Remember that whole conversation? Yes.

That's the Mets. We figured it out. It's the Mets and then my actual sex soulmate. It's just the only people that make me come like that. The Mets are at the top of the fucking list. So I don't want to hear it anymore. Let's hit a break. One beer is warm or there's only like a couple slices.

You're the odd one out. I'm sweet D. I would pretend that it just happened. Like ah damn I gave you that one again. Or we could you know we really would have done like maybe we're lying. Maybe we have perfectly cold beers and we just. No because I watched your genuine reaction.

Had you heard him say that to me I think you would have faked it but you legitimately knew it was hot as soon as drinking a warm beer takes me back it's almost like sweating your dick off in that bar last night i drink a warm beer and i'm like yeah no this is like beer pong yeah it tastes well to me it tastes like uh we used to have to hide our beer in like this like little wooded area by my friend's house so So we would leave the house and be like, we're going to go ride bikes. And then we'd ride around the corner and grab a bag of beer. And the beer had just been sitting outside in the summer for however long.

And then eventually the plan was to get to a cooler or whatever. But in the meantime, you got to start drinking. And you know what I could have done? I got this out of a case that was by Frankie's desk. Oh, yeah oh so these are we're not even like no they've never been referred and i could have put them in the refrigerator i could put the rest of them in the refrigerator and i didn't do that just well that i gotta i gotta be honest that was maybe an oversight on your part that i would have appreciated

a little bit you know yeah what did you drink when you were young what's like the is it different in texas it's like rolling stone uh rolling rocks did you drink when you were young what's like the is it different in texas it's like rolling stone uh rolling rocks did you drink rolling rocks yeah because you always yeah why what is that about why is rolling rock like the choice of our like dad's generation i don't know i don't think i've ever had a marketing thing is it like was there something going on when they were yeah the green like the i like the name i haven't seen a grab me a bucket of rocks i love that looks like are Are they green bottles? Yeah.

Okay, then. Yeah. I was a smeared off ice early in high school and then vodka cranberry, which I can never. That's very funny. Yeah. I thought it was just like by law in high school. You had to drink Captain Morgan. I didn't get into the Captain Morgan thing until my freshman year of college.

It would be funny. I know they can't do it for obvious reasons but what if Captain Morgan was just like the official choice of high school children everywhere are you going through puberty? trying to rebel a bit? get your leg up isn't vodka cranberry like that too?

I think of vodka cranberry as very girly A and B like club you're at the club and they just have the carafe. I think some girls do but it's very club for sure. I think a lot of

girls will do splash a crayon at a bar. But if you're doing vodka cranberry I feel like it's very, you're in the club. We would pour the cranberry into the water bottle and make it look like we had done a crystal light or something. Keystone for a while because it look like we had done like a crystal light or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no.

Keystone for a while because it was like $9.99 to get a 30-pack. Keystone is like the – I feel like there are different regions of cheap beer. I feel like it's like Natty Light is here. Bush Light is there. Keystone is there depending on like where you live. Bud Ice. Bud Ice. Bud Ice.

We call the – Bud Ice and Natty Ice. They're kind of the same, Bud and Natty. The black cans. Yeah, so we did. Bud Ice. Bud Ice. We called the Bud Ice and Natty Ice. They're kind of the same but Natty. The black cans. Yeah. So we did Natty Ice. We called them Natty Night Nights because you drink those

and you black out. I used to get eight. My stomach just flipped thinking about drinking Bud Ice. I used to get a 12 pack for $4. So cheap. In the Bronx.

In the beer cave. And we would play beer pong with it. We would each get a 12 and we would play like one-on-one beer pong and shit like that. And it would just be like, it was blackout in a box. It was just like, okay, I'm going to finish this. It's going to cost

me four American dollars and I will be blacked out by 11 p.m. We used to do power hour with that. When the Natty Ice comes out, that's when you start getting fingered. When the Natty Ices are out, someone in that basement is getting fingered. Could be me. I might be doing it. I might be

getting it. Let's go, baby. Let's go. I love it. Did you do malt liquor? No. I got arrested in New York drinking malt liquor once when I was 15, I think. Is that a New York thing?

Yeah, I was sitting on a stoop drinking a full one. That's why I asked, because that's what we did with it. I was sitting on a stoop. Was it MD 2020? No, it was an old OE. Isn't that malt liquor? Old OE, yeah. But I was in the East Village, I think, sitting on a stoop by myself. How awesome was it?

2 a.m. That's so cool. That's so cool. What do you do? Go to bed. Is MD 2020 malt liquor a.m that's so cool that's so cool go go to bed is md 2020 malt liquor no that's like bum wine that's like uh it's like i've never had that either bum md 2020 is kind of like uh you ever have cisco they're like uh it's almost you ever have alize yes it's like that but like the trashy souped up version i think the only i tried alizé because of

a cat williams stand-up i tried alizé because of tupac tupac used to rap about and then like hypnotic all those things that are like that's not i was thinking of alizé hypnotic same shit though it's just like the different the bottle when i found out when fabulous used to rap about hypnotic all the time and then i'd see it in the videos and shit and then i found out it's like 21 you know what i mean i'm so used to like cristal and don perignon all the rappers talking about shit you can't afford i was like oh i can i can drink hypnotic like let's do this and then i was chugging like blue gatorade sugary oh then have you ever done the incredible hulk oh yeah that doesn't really work by the way it doesn't really turn green it just turns like brownish

green yeah it's just gross. I don't think I've ever had one, but just putting those colors together. I've never had an Unincredible Hulk. I have taken art class. I just know how primary colors work. But to me, malt liquor, the reason I ask is because I do feel like it is very New York or at least very urban. You're only drinking it in the city really you know because we would go to like

where we would get our beers like a bodega like in the Bronx where like you just grab 40s so it was like on the podium I would say I would say the bronze medal is St. Ives the silver medal is Oldie Old English and the

gold is Colt 45 Colt 45 and Colt 45. Yeah. Colt 45 and a 40 by the bottom of your 40, unless you were, like, really chugging them. 40s are just so impractical. It's just like you could leave three beers in the fridge and just have one and drink four as they stay cold. Or we could just put four beers in a bottle and it's just going to be cold for, like, 30 seconds until you're just drinking warm, backwashed ass beer. 40s were illegal in Florida.

I don't know if they still have them. Really? As we're sitting here staring at a Miller High Life 32 ounce. I've never even seen that, by the way. Like the 32 ounce can is enormous. I don't know if it's illegal or just not carried, whatever it is.

But when you were in college, we used to drive to Georgia to buy them. Just to get them because you wanted to have a 40. Yeah. If you're told you to have a 40. Yeah. If you're told you can't have one. Yeah. There's something cool about it.

Like we always wanted to drink 40s because that's what rappers are talking about. And like that's why we drank hypnotic. And basically what rappers are doing, we try to drink. Did you ever do that game where it was called Edward Forty Hands? No, I can't. I can't do that. Why don't you just describe that like it's a foreign language? I don't know.

I don't know if it's a Texas thing. You do this game, so it's called. I don't know. Have you ever played? it's a Texas thing. I don't know. Have you ever played ping pong with beer cups? I don't know. Sometimes I say things and you guys look at me like I'm fucking crazy. That one's pretty universal.

I don't understand why people play that game. You've done it? Of course I've done it. Have you ever done it where you're taped to another person? I've never taped to another person. Is it like you can't not go to the were hotel parties in high school. You ever done where you're taped to another person? I never taped to another person. I hate that. But it's fun because you can't. Is it like you can't not go to the bathroom or something?

Exactly, yeah. You have to chug one so you can be able to take a piss. It's fun. I don't know. It's stupid. Every drinking game is stupid. I never liked being forced. I don't like hazing.

I don't like forcing me to drink. I'm going to get drunk. Trust me. Leave me alone. What was your favorite drinking game? I don't think it's forcing. I get that. You know what I mean?

I was the guy in the beginning. There was this crew of preppy kids who were drinking first. They had the house, the parents would let them, the IDs, all that shit. They were the ones playing beer pong and all ridiculous drinking games. And we were just drinking in a basement having 40s. And so we didn't like... In the beginning, we were playing drinking games. We weren't good at them or whatever.

And I was the guy who was like, I don't need games to drink, man. I don't need games to get drunk. And then you realize there's fun to it. That's why you do it. But stuff like that where it's like, you might piss your pants because you don't have use of your fingers. Like, I'm all good. No, I'm out. And the one where you're taped to someone else.

You ever see like they have the garbage bags over their heads? No. So that's more of like a frat initiation thing where these guys, they were taped to each other. So you almost have to drink with each other's hands. But they also would just put a bib, like a garbage bag around your neck so it was like like you know you're gonna these kids are drinking till they throw up so it's like just throw up and you're like your bib and keep drinking yeah sounds problematic yeah i don't think they're allowed to do that anymore where was that it was like a frat it was like that was more of like a hazing thing like keep

drinking until you throw up right we got like a trash bar like initiate it wasn't even initiation i forget what it was but it was just like here's a We got like a trash. I like initiate. It wasn't an initiation. I forget what it was, but it was just like, here's a bottle. Here's a trash barrel. I did not throw up. But you did drink it. Which is ended up being that ended up being a big problem. I should have. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just like throwing up is like your body's way of telling you. But so we're going out now. Yeah. All right. All right. Were you a puke and rally guy?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was was it was well hang on so it feels so good if you oh like i wouldn't pull the trigger no but you puke and you go back out yeah yeah oh no see if mine mine would normally be like if i took a shot and i knew that i was going to then i could go do that like if i was getting to the point where i was just like standing there and i have to throw up i'm not coming back like like when the shot hits you wrong it's like you might not even be that drunk. It's just like then you get the mouth sweats. Then you throw up from that and you can keep going. If it's like 3 a.m. and your body is just rejecting

any more alcohol, no, then I'm down for the count. That doesn't happen to me that well, it didn't. It's definitely not going to happen now. But like I wasn't much of a puker the night of, but the next morning Never have been a nice morning person. Puke city. George from Maryland. What's up?

Yeah, alright, so I got a cool marketing campaign that would not work today from Mad Dog. So when they released that in the 80s, they basically put it in bad neighborhoods, in cars unlocked, so people would steal it, found out it was good stuff, and then they'd go buy it at the

corner stores. That sounds like an urban legend to me. But that came in 2019. Eh, look it up. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure there's something somewhere that says that happened. I don't think that you can just bank on car robberies as your marketing. Maybe that did happen, but I don't know if it was like Mad Dog's corporate plan. And whenever somebody found out they were breaking into cars, that would be a problem. Yeah.

EJ, what do you got on your first drink? I grew up, and all we drank was a drink called Skippy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. One 30-pack of Bush Light, two 2-liter bottles of Mountain Dew, one liter of vodka, and a small thing of that lemonade mix, that powder mix. And it was so delicious, but oh, you want to remember the next day. You mix it all together?

Yeah. Oh my God. It's like jungle juice, but it's vodka, beer, and lemonade. And I remember my buddy, he came in, and he was so excited to do it. He was like, we're drinking Skippy tonight. Everyone was like, what's that? Yeah. His brother had told him about it, and he was so gassed up.

And we were kind of like, we were down a drink, but I was like, this is just like the lemonade. I just don't think I need to, can I just drink something else? He was basically like forcing us to do specifically Skippy. And I'll never forget, he had a cooler cooler out and he had a wiffle ball bat that was like he was stirring it trash can punch right yeah yeah it's very very similar like jungle juice and all that other shit but it is weird like beer and lemonade and vodka i mean i guess it's kind of like a like shandy if you think about it yeah but it was you know bush light uh country time lemonade cheap vodka,

and he drank himself right into the hospital that night. He got, I think he actually did get kicked off campus. Like, he had to get off campus. Well, it was like

our third strike. We got, we, our freshman year, we were at Fordham, Jesuit school, they don't fuck around. Like, you're not allowed

to have girls, you're not allowed to do this, you're not allowed to do that, and we just kept, we just kept drinking. Wait, girls don't go to Fordham? No, they do, but like, you're not allowed, do this. You're not allowed to do that. And we just kept drinking. Wait, girls don't go to Fordham? No, they do. But you're not allowed.

It's separate dorms. Oh, that really threw me for a loop. If you have a girl come visit, I couldn't have a girl come visit. I would have to get you to get a guest pass for my girl to come. And late night, if you wanted to be in a different dorm you had to like sneak in or whatever you couldn't even if you're on like we go to the same school hey you want to go back to my dorm you can't it's past midnight so but it was also good because like we were in the hoods you needed security so you know take you'll take that but uh like our ras used to be like

you know they come down the hallway and like we're just having a party and they'd be like open the door like again like are you are you guys even gonna the hallway and like, we're just having a party and they'd be like, open the door like again. Like, are you are you guys even going to try to stop? Like, nope. I was kind of like, yeah, no, I don't know. I mean, we weren't like openly trying to get caught. But if we did, it was just like, I don't know. But they had like a three strike policy.

They had to go to a soup kitchen and like volunteer time. I had to take like one of those alcohol. Yeah. You get caught with like MIP or whatever. I bought a bottle of... MIPs, I think, are only a certain thing. I've only ever heard of that when I was in FSU. We would just call that underage drinking aids.

Minor in possession and minor in consumption were two different things, too. It was weird. I don't know. Well, that probably just means it's a catch-all for anything, right? I got one at... I don't know. I got one at a bowling alley, which was tough. I was like, I got my first MIP at a bowling alley. It was really embarrassing.

I was like, you know those little bowling alleys? It was really embarrassing. The cops I had to call my parents were like, I was at a bowling alley on a Friday night drinking those little tiny Dixie cups of beer. Who gets a MIP at a bowling alley? Well, that feels to me like almost international waters. If you're in Texas, I'm assuming.

You're at a bowling alley in Texas. You're going to walk around handing out citations. The second one I got was on the river because you float the river in Texas. And they had a tube, like a police tube, sitting somewhere. And they called us over to the side. Could you imagine you go through the academy and you're ready to fight crime and your first beat is the police tube.

That's kind of cool. I'd be like, all right, cool. I'll sit on the river. But it wasn't, he wasn't floating. It was like he was just, they were just sitting on the side, but they were in there. Like it was like they had police tubes, but they were in their full uniform. They weren't even floating. And I'm like, what is this? Like what? They pulled us over the side and we got popped. I'm like, this is just, just i love it i don't even think i was drunk either

time too which was really upsetting i got i almost got uh an mip one time i was at kj's pub in tallahassee which is the only 21 plus bar in the city and i was not 21 and i had when i when i was underage i had a passport that wasn't me so i had a fake i didn't think right i had a fake passport i mean it was a real passport it was so my girlfriend at the time her sister dated someone who was like my twin it was actually really weird when ugly dude on it yeah tough looking fella and uh the it got like they would occasionally raid kjs because they were sometimes underage people in there and i i see same kind of like i had like a dixie cup and like they came in like the fbi came in and yeah fbi or uh atf would come in and uh i was like what am i gonna do here because i was like i gotta call it a fake passport yeah

that's like guantanamo or something like that it's a problem yeah and i just chugged my beer and i was like just that last sip of beer is what gave me the courage yeah i was like all right fuck it i'm gonna give it to him and worked i think more often than not someone all those situations by the way for 20 000 i remember you telling me that came really close to doing it 20 000 yeah who was trying to i was in uh i was in orlando's at rollins which uh it was someone smuggling drugs. And I was like, Hmm, that's actually incredible foresight by you to not do that at the time, like 20 K. Yeah. But like, yeah, that's, that's being used for a drug operation.

And when they get caught and they say, where did you get that passport? And they point you to John Henry Vidal Berg. Although I do think, I don't think they would have snitched. I just felt bad for the kid. It was a passport. It was. Yeah. Yeah.

You're you're yeah. Not you. I'm saying you're a stolen passport, but I'm not going to sell it. I just felt bad for the kid whose passport it was. Yeah, yeah. Not you. I'm using your stolen passport, but I'm not going to sell it. I have morals. Right. I also think, though, that even you or that kid, if it's like you're busting a drug ring, they're going for the big kahunas. They're not going for the guy who

lost his passport. I never thought it was never doing it to protect me or him. I guess him. It just felt wrong. Yeah. And I wanted to keep drinking. Really is probably what it came down to. Yeah, I don't think I'd be able to. 20 grand or the ability to drink.

That's a good, that's a good AT question. You want to be able to drink for the next year or do you want $20,000? What would have been the number? 50? Probably 21. 20,000 and a half. And 50. 20,000 and a a beer probably would have sealed the deal it's funny when you think about like the you know looking back i used to i if you've ever listened to any

of my stuff i wax poetic about the bars we used to go to as kids because we had like the underage drinking capital of the world it was unbelievable there's a strip of bars in new rochelle on north avenue where you could get in at the age of like 14 with a fucking library card. And they were like awesome bars. I remember there was a DJ at this one bar called Scholars. That was like, I wish I could find that guy today. He had exclusive music. I don't know how he did it.

He had Usher. He had Yeah by Usher like a year before it came out. I remember when it finally made it big. It was like that was like the biggest song for years at that point and i remember being like still is one of the biggest songs ever it's one of the biggest songs ever and when it popped i was like oh we've been partying to this i was like i don't know 17 whatever your age i was i was like we've been partying this for like a year and a half i don't know how this guy did it the bar scene was

incredible it's like ten dollars all you could drink, great music, everybody partying, and there was a fucking police station across the street from the bar. And so there was obviously like some payoffs going on and shit. And so I remember thinking – there was a couple times we'd get raided, and I was like, we're fucked. We're all dead. And then I realized like they don't care about you. They're worried about like the bar owner and like the institution of underage drinking not like you kevin clancy do you guys ever have to do like the x's on your hands like where you would do the the chapstick stuff did you guys do that oh yeah like what no you can like if i get rolling on set but it was like i feel like every time you'd see

like cops coming in through the bars like everybody's just like trying to wipe it off really quick it's like dude there's this bar in providence called bar one which was like i mean like if you were 17 and there you were old right it was a problem but it was like a song i forget what song it was but they would put a song on like their police are coming the cops are coming it was to put down your drink and just take because you take two steps away because you could get in at 18 but even though it was so it's like that's not mine i'm not drinking it so it was like to put your drink down and step away. Everybody's huddled in the middle of the dance floor so everyone can get away from everyone's beers. And then the cops would just go to the back room.

Two cops would come in and go to the back room. And they'd hang out in there for 15 minutes. So I'm sure. Get their envelope of cash and go. And then come out. We used to get caught drinking. One time we would walk in the streets just drinking. We didn't have a party to go to.

We didn't have a house to go to. So we just started walking and drinking. And we see the floodlights come on and so we're all like carrying like six packs and we just like threw our beers to the side as if they weren't going to see that and so they come they they're like would you throw over there we're like what are you talking about officer like they make us go pick up the beer they take it from us we keep walking to go to my buddy's house along the way we have to pass the police station and as we pass them they were like steel reserve like you trash bag kids like realizing that they would just like grab beer from the kids probably go back to the station and drink it but they didn't want to drink

our shitty malt liquor for some reason i just pictured you as fogel and super bad i don't know why that's just what i pictured you that's that's mclovin yeah no that wasn't me we uh no i mean i know it wasn't but you describing that i'm just picturing him out with those two cops just like fucking focal i don't know why that's a great fucking movie we were trying to hide the beers once we got pulled over like that kind of like to throw it so it was like we had we had thrown a few out the window and then it was like the cops were close enough at this point we were like fuck like they'll see if we throw out the window yeah that's what we. So I was reaching behind me in the car trying to shove them under a seat. Get a gun pulled on you that way.

Show your hands. Hands up. Hands up. When you reach, I'm like, ah. I'm hiding the beers. I'm hiding the beers. That was like 16 Mac 2s and Bill Ricker. It's a good thing you were a white guy.

You know what I mean? Jesus Christ. Oh, good old old range drinking. I miss it. I missed it. The thrill of it was... Start using my real ID. We used to... A girlfriend of ours used to

they would give out like snap bracelets. Not snap bracelets. You know what I mean? Like they had the little holes and you would snap it around like a belt almost. Oh, yeah, yeah yeah you know and she used to just like wiggle her hand out and she had every color like she would be like what what's like what's the what's the wristband tonight it's colors green she like open up her case and be like okay here you go you know it was great oh yeah the amount of times you have to like scamming like put your hand together my thumb

yeah yo speaking of problem solving if you didn't under if you weren't an underage drinker like you don't have problems that's actually really you gotta be a resourceful kid like that's if i if i'm ever doing interviews and tell me about a time when you like the police almost arrested you for drinking and if you don't have one you're out of here you don't have the metal i'm looking for yeah you haven't really been through some shit i had a friend who looked more like me in my id picture than i did because i changed my hair color and she was 18 and i was 21 we were working at the same bar together she and i used like i had a new id my same address same name same birthday and just the two of us would go out and they never caught it until she turned 21 three years later started like handing it off to like the bars we've been going to for three years

they're like casey smith wait but then i don't even think they look at names no but they're just like you've been coming here forever. You just now turning 21. And it was like, gotcha, bitch. Like, what can you do at that point? But I mean, did I always thought that we were fooling them? And then looking back when you get older,

I'm like, no, we weren't fooling them, but they were saying, all right, this is a good enough ID guy. You know, it's not like they were like everybody in the world knew that the 15 year olds were drinking there. It was whether or not you could show me something to get in.

When I checked IDs for the time when I was working working in bars i always just looked right at the date i didn't look at anything else yeah you know what i mean i wasn't looking at the picture match the good bouncers would be like what year did you graduate and you know what i mean shit like that where you should have an answer on deck and if you hesitated it was like okay you memorized the information on your card but you don't you're not actually this old you know yeah i got caught one time with a fake id because it said i was five three like somebody was looking at the height and they were like uh what happened to you did you grow overnight i'd always wear heels too be like oh they'll look at my heels and then like well your heels make you a foot taller i don't think

so yeah but it's like i don't know boys you don't know these are nine inch heels like 19 looking like a trash bag out in the streets ratchet so ratchet billy what do you got on your first drink uh so back when my friends and i were in like middle school high school we thought we were really fucking cool uh stealing jose cuervo margarita mix from our parents thinking it was like the best alcohol in the market. You were just drinking like the mix? That's it? I was drinking margarita mix. That's unbelievable. That's really good. Did you like pretend like you were drunk? I was going to say, I'm sure there were kids stumbling around.

I'm so wasted. Oh, of course. That's unbelievable. I've probably accidentally done that as an adult. This margarita, this is going down like there's no alcohol in this at all. No, there literally isn't. I've definitely done that. I think I've told this story before. I can't remember it, but it wasn't even a thing.

But I'm sure I've just drank it. Somewhere along the way. Straight mixer. Somebody actually might have just done that. People drink straight mixer? One of the all-time ones. One of the great scenes in television history. Because it's so genuine.

It's so like, he's so confused. Frank, I thought you said there wasn't alcohol on this ship. Look it, they got screwdrivers, they got cranberries. Nah, nah, Charlie, that's orange juice. It's just, people drink straight mixer. Yeah, people like it. I had a straight Coke mixer the other day. Yeah, there's just something about drinking when it's not illegal anymore.

Or frowned upon. When Robbie Fox turned 21, he was like, now I have no excuse to not go out to the bar. It sucks. Bob Fox, the anti-rockstar rockstar. Do I have to party tonight, guys? Someone tweeted a video of him having a sip of the Budweiser

when we were drinking with Stone Cold. And Robbie was like, he had one sip and his face was like, Budweiser is disgusting. I love a Red Bull. Bud Heavy? Oh, yeah. A little Steve Weiser for you?

It's like the yellow beers, the yellow bellies, the Coors Original, those stink too. I'm down with that too. I'm down with the OGs over the lights. Really? Yeah. I also like the Coors Original. Well, two reasons.

My dad drank them a lot. Those are called yellow bellies, right? I'm not making that up. I've never heard that. It must be a Southern thing. Yeah. Well, two reasons. My dad drank them a lot. Those are called yellow bellies, right? I'm not making that up. I've never heard that. Do you see what I'm saying? I say sometimes and you guys make fun of me. Well, think about it. You've got to use your brain because just say that out loud with a Texas accent. It's a Texas thing.

My friends that I can hear saying it in my brain are all like, Isn't he a yellow belly? Isn't he like a coward? Yeah. But those were literally yellow, so I guess yellow belly? Like, is that like a coward? Yeah. But those were literally yellow. So I guess that makes sense. And they give you a belly, the bank with beers. I like,

those are like hard to find. I feel like Cora's original is not like you see bud and bud wiser, but I feel like you see the silver bullet. You don't see the yellow much. Do you? I mean, that seems like a rare, like a mad dog.

Love a good mad dog. I'm sorry. Red dog, red dog. What's a red dog? Red dog's a beer. I don't know what that is. Let's like a mad dog. Love a good mad dog. I'm sorry, red dog, red dog. What's a red dog? Red dog's a bear. I don't know what that is. Let's take this call before our break.

Brian says he has a Casey doppelganger, which this is going to go one way or the other. You're going to be happy with it or you're going to hate it. Oh, it's an accent? No, doppelganger. That means like you look alike. He's just going to describe it over the phone? Well, you know, I'm hoping it's like a celebrity or something, and you're going to be like, oh, that girl's ugly or something.

That's what I'm hoping for. I'm hoping it's someone you hate. Brian, go ahead. What's the KC Dobble there? No celebrity. Sorry to disappoint. I was just at the gym with my buddy and I saw a girl and I legitimately stopped and I was like, dude, that's KC Smith. And I had to get on the fucking air to see

if she were on the air. I live in Charleston. Obviously no reason. She was pretty ugly. Pretty busted? Oh, no. I'd say she was a rocket ship, but I mean. That's very nice. Yeah, absolutely. But don't even feel bad. I got a possession at a bowling alley as well in high school.

And about the other 80% of the time we spent drinking on lawn chairs with OE. So I think it's probably normal. I feel like getting an MIP at a bowling alley in high school is cooler than in college. Yeah, definitely. Because in college, you could be out of line. In high school, you're doing whatever you can. Yeah, in high school, you're trying to hide. You're like, well, let's go bowling, and our parents aren't going to tell us we can't.

I was 19 years old, and I was getting an MIP at a bowling alley. Yeah, that's tough. Where did you say he was? The gym, of course. No, I know, but what state did he say he was in? I don't know. I didn't see where. Maybe Texas.

I don't know. Last night, speaking of doppelgangers, Nick had sent the group a Whitney Cummings clip. And I was playing the clip, looking at it. And Keegan leans his head over. And he goes, Mommy! Mommy! Really? I was like, pretty good call, Keeks.

Pretty good? Pretty fucking accurate for him to think that. I was like, all right. And I told her that. And she was like, I don't know if that's good or not. Doppelganger. I think it's great. I that and she was like I don't know if that's good or not doppelganger doppelganger I think it's great I love it

given the circumstances I wasn't going to be like well I think Whitney Cummings is hot as shit but she was like I don't know

what to think about that I was like it's a good thing don't worry Whitney Cummings certified rocket big celebrity crush check her out

on answer the internet right now out now very funny episode of answer the internet did you see her tell Rudy he was hot you see that video uh i don't think rudy is hot but yeah he she's like you're hot who do you look like she's like gonna try to get him where was this uh i think i saw it on twitter no no i mean like where in the building oh he was he was no it was when she was with the chicks and he was doing stool scenes. Got it. Rudy is a very opportunistic stool scenes filmer.

If you notice that, like, I got Bella Danger's here. Rudy pops up. Lisa Ann's here. Rudy's zooming in. Whitney Cummings, he's getting all the footage. I was like, he put up something on Instagram the other day and I clicked on it and I don't know what picture it was, but you commented on it like, stop it, dude. You're too hot to work it out.

So I went and looked like, Kevin. What do you mean? I know the picture. The one of him on the beach. Yeah it dude you're too hot to work it out so i wouldn't look like kevin what do you mean i know the picture the one him on the beach yeah it's like come on enough bro i don't know you just you'll comment on on his stuff and it always shows up on mine because we interact or whatever and it's always just like what the fuck you do yeah enough enough he's like legitimately thirst trapping i'm like okay calm down rude boy wouldn't you thirst trap if you were his age and yeah i mean his age he's like 27 is he oh i don't think so i think he's like 23 or 24 oh is he that young i thought he's yp's age i i don't know i might have made that i mean he graduated college either way like he's a hockey

player and college hockey players are 100 yeah yeah hockey players could either be like on track normal age or they might be you know when i was a freshman uh at st michael's like i was living in a freshman dorm and i was like on like a hockey floor for some reason i wasn't a hockey player everyone's like i'm 21 22 the fuck are you doing on the freshman floor yeah what what is that like is there some sort of red shirt usually you go to like like people hockey players especially if you end up at like a d2 college like st mike's like what you do is you go to high school and then then you go PG a year. And then usually you'll probably go play one or two years of juniors.

So you just don't enroll in college until then. It's not like you sign up and they send you somewhere. It's just like you don't do college until you're older. Yeah, I had a buddy who went to – that's usually the thing. It's PG year after high school and then there was i don't know how this was allowed but we we played ball with this kid uh who was like i want to say like 21 in in high school he like had a like had a kid and like came back and some shit like that he was very old for high school maybe not 20 i think he was 20 i think he was not a teenager

and he played basketball and he was fucking lights out he put Maybe not 20. I think he was 20. I think he was not a teenager. And he played basketball. And he was fucking lights out. He put up like 35 a game because he was like a grown-ass man playing against like 15-year-olds. It was unbelievable. Rob Delgado, this guy used to be so fucking high, too. He'd be stoned out of his mind just lighting it up. I was like, how is this even allowed? Dude, that happened when I was at FSU. One of my roommates got offered a, I contend that the guy was trying to rape him or something.

But it was like, it's a word. It's a word. I'm offended. But some guy came up to him in a parking lot, a Walmart parking lot in Tallahassee. And he was like, i work for the government we are putting together some kind of case against the school in georgia that like has corporal punishment on their students like hits their kids in high school that would you be willing to go back to high school and help me out 21 drum street shit yeah and i was like we were like dude that's awesome i do'm going to do it. And then I was like, hmm. No, he was going to rape you.

But if he wasn't, that's awesome. That's a dream. You're going to play basketball? What are you going to do? We've talked a lot recently about laying in bed at night. We think about being an action hero, going on Jimmy Fallon. What's your other one? Writing your father's eulogy.

I write eulogies for people. He writes eulogies in his spare time for people who are still alive. Very much alive. We need to put him in a home. Straight jacket. You're institutionalized. I also used to daydream 21 Jump Street situations. That would be

my imagination game. I would be pretending I'm the guy back in there. That would be awesome. Yeah. I was like, do it. He had this guy's business card. Does it say FBI on it? If it doesn't,

probably not a good business card. I would love to talk about this. I can't get over the fact that Sean writes eulogies when he's playing it. Yeah, let's hit a break and we'll talk about that.