KFC Radio - CCK Podcast: I'd Rather Not (featuring Kelly Keegs)

Episode Date: September 28, 2020

Kelly Keegs stops by to discuss hating on the Emmys, The Bachelorette, and how to be a trophy wife. Jared has an issue with his new neighbor, and how to fix weddings.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. Oh. Kevin. You're just ridiculously stupid. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Is this Kevin? Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Is this Kevin? Welcome back. Oh, yeah, man. How you doing? You good? I know you like that. I know you like that. How long you been back?

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome back. We're having a dog day. Casey's out, but I look over to my right and I see through the glass. It's like a vision, like a dream, like an angel. An angel comes down from the sky above me. Kelly Keegs is in the motherfucking house. Yes, I am.

How are you, girl? Oh, I'm great. You're looking sharp. You're looking fly. I love how I just accidentally invited myself on this radio show. That was great. I didn't even know what time it was. She gave a wave.

We were discussing a little Bachelor of Future fun. Hey. Can't really talk much about it, but that's what we were talking about. Exclusive. And I was about to head out, and I saw you sitting here by yourself. Jared, hello. I didn't see you right there until just now. Hey, Kelly.

How are you? Oh, great. What's cooking, girl? For a while. Really? Really not a lot. It's been a while. I haven't also talked on a radio in a while. Yeah. This is weird.

So I saw you were doing some live tweeting of the Emmys. I was. The Emmys were the other day. I was arguing with, well, I didn't watch. And so here's what I think. I was arguing with people because I did a One Minute Man on Schitt's Creek and of course, I always get the hard-o's from Barstool. Which I love by the way. I liked that

One Minute Man a lot. I mean, I love Schitt's Creek and anybody who has been riding since day one. It's like, yeah, finally. Right. Yeah. But I got a lot of people. Jared's probably one of them. He's not an asshole about it, but he's just like not interested in things like that. And I never understand.

I think guys equate Emmys, Oscars, Grammys, all the awards as like a girly thing. Which I never understand. I don't get that. To me, the only two things that like matter in my life are like sports and entertainment. Exactly. Which is why would you ever pass off an opportunity to give your opinion on something that you've seen? That's what I don't understand. And we care about.

You don't want to give your opinion on sports. You don't want to give your opinion on the 14,000 hours of TV that we've all watched the entire time. And like sports, we care about who wins the MVP. We care about who wins the Cy Young. That's just what the Emmys and the Oscars like when when Leo hadn't won an Oscar and finally won one. I thought that was like a big moment for like history.

And when I see Schitt's Creek sweeps it. And even if you don't like Schitt's Creek, I like people being like, what the fuck? I don't like this show. I can't believe they won. Why didn't X, Y, Z win? I love all that. It's just like, don't do you watch TV and argue about who you think is funny and who you think is good? That's all the Emmys are. Now, I don't think the show itself is good. You know what it is? People don't even want to tune into these award shows because all they see and all the hubbub comes from the red carpet and they think the red carpet is a girly thing because we're going to watch all these girls walk through in their dresses but excuse me the gentlemen are

also rolling through with their suits and maybe you just want to watch people look fly i like to look at hot sexy people exactly hot sexy rich people wearing rich clothes i want to see that i think it goes a step further in recent years nobody likes complaining and condescending celebrities so when they get up on stage and they're like talking about trump or they're talking about changing the world my dad is it's like anytime i get a text my dad being like oh i won't watch that shit all it is is just a fucking blah blah platform like it's all about climate change i'm like yeah well it is all about that i i don't care for that either but so that's why i don't really want to watch the show i don't need to see the acceptance speeches but i do care if you win the Emmy or not. It drives me crazy

that Always Sunny doesn't ever get nominated. It drives me nuts when Big Bang wins a million years in a row. But then when I see a show, when I see an actual funny show, when Veep won every year in a row, I was like, fuck yeah. When Schitt's Creek finally cleaned up, I was like, they deserve it.

You have never heard of Veep, Jared? No, I didn't. Jared has heard of it. did he's heard of nothing i can't get into that because i did the uh something about vip and i was like never heard of it you would hate it you would hate it i can't believe jeff left you on his show not knowing like if you don't not saying like vip is the is the standard for knowing shit but that's like you gotta know that it's really did you watch like when you're growing up, did you watch Seinfeld growing up? Did you watch Friends? Did you watch the NBC shows?

No, I hate sitcoms. I watched Baseball, and I was a big 24 guy. 24, okay. I was gonna say Breaking Bad was the first show you ever watched, but 24 preceded that, huh? Yeah, 24 was my jam. Breaking Bad, and I tried Walking Dead, and I made it through the first few seasons, and once it became like less

about zombies, I was out. Let me tell you something, Jared. If you've seen one season of Walking Dead. If it became less about zombies, he was out. I just want to make sure that we all heard what he just said. Like, okay, cool. I like baseball and zombies. If you've seen one through three or four, you've seen four through ten or wherever they're at now.

It's the same goddamn show every single time. The camp is walking somewhere. Oh, and they found a safe place to stay, but actually it's not safe anymore because the zombies are here, but actually it turns out that maybe the humans are more dangerous than the zombies because human nature is actually...

Rinse, repeat, same fucking thing over and over and over again. So you ain't missing much. I feel like that's the same in every single show and movie on TV, but without the zombies most of the time. Well, that show particularly, though, is like... They did much. I feel like that's the same in every single show and movie on TV but without the zombies most of the time. Well, that show particularly though is like they did numbers.

I don't know if they still do anymore but they were putting up like 20 million viewers a week so I think they're just like we just have to keep doing this. You just have to keep making seasons because it's that fucking popular. Wow.

I feel like that's like that show The Blacklist right now. I was just talking shit about that the other day. That show never got it's been on for years. I've never seen a single episode. It got a cult following i don't know what the fuck that show is even that's like a law and order or ncsi because what they do like every every

episode is standalone there's an overarching uh plot but then every episode is like i didn't even know it was like that yes that's how bad they're walking dead is just one like a long what do they call that it's not a procedural it's the opposite of procedural where they have one like continuous storyline and it just keeps going and i'm like i would like to see if they like find a cure or if they all die but i'm not going to stick around and watch 12 let me know i'll probably forget about it yeah i will tune back in for like the finale but otherwise get lost for sure um what else is cooking so we're doing bachelor is that back we're doing bachelor stuff bachelor is back 10 13 ironically i think that's the one thing you would like jared the bachelor yeah you gotta you gotta jump on it this year

i think you would just roast the dudes and then talk about how like the girls would want to bang the rocket and it would be it would be entertaining for you but what was that there was like some oh the office so i tried the office this past off season and i started to watch it i made it through like two or three seasons not like it's tough for me that is tough i didn't say i didn't like it i just said like this feels like everyone else's show and like i don't want to be the person that's like trying to have a conversation about the office with people that it's like yeah i saw that episode 10 years ago and with the bachelor it's new to everyone you'll be yes and i actually agree with you on that a little bit about the offices i haven't i i very much like the office i've seen it i've watched it all you know make quotes i like the jokes whatever i hate

the people who go full office all the fucking time every single conversation there's an office quote every single thing like people who wear the shirts, who do this, who do that. It's like, we know we like the fucking show, but do we really need to talk about the office every single day? That happens so much that the joke about that became cliche when people said liking the office is not a personality. It really did become that way. So I get the backlash, but also you got to remove all that

and just watch it for what it's worth. It's so fucking funny. The early days incredible. But the reality shit. See Jared you don't have time for like a show anymore. Because you're married to the game. That's true. I'm married to the game. And you're trying to become a father now. I mean he's got baby fever. Oh yeah?

You getting bitch-respected right now? You gonna get married first or just gonna No. No. No marriage. Single dad. Single dad. That's admirable. Why gonna... No, no. I want a single dad. Single dad. Single dad. That's admirable. Why?

Because you'll pull more chicks as a single dad? No, because I don't know. I just feel like I'd probably ruin the marriage, but I'd be a good dad. That's nice. Selfless. Very self-aware as well. I don't want you to ruin yourself, so just stay away from me, but also bear my child. Yeah, let's just start off in a broken home.

Yeah. Yeah. No, no, that's... Well, you know what it is? You can't break a home if it starts off separated. Yeah. You can't know what you're missing if you've never had it. So like, yeah, you don't have a mom, it's just me.

Don't fix what's not broken. Oh, she's not even going to be in the picture? What are you going to get? I'd imagine she probably would like, she'd probably want visitation rights, which she can probably have like when I'm on the road and stuff. Oh, so I didn't realize you're getting full custody. Wait,

so, okay, no, no, no. I need you to break this down a little bit more. Are you getting a divorce? Like,

are you getting this one pregnant? No, no, no, no, no marriage to begin with. Just literally no marriage at all. You're going to find a girl.

Are you going to have any relationships? Okay. So, so just like get a surrogate, just Kim K it. I would, you are worth $79 million. Then you don't have to give the kid up.

Or do you want some time off from the kid? Yeah, I'm probably going to want some time off during baseball season when we travel and everything. And I want to at least have a relationship. I don't want it to be a complete stranger that I'm putting my legacy into. I think that's fair. There's a lot of movies like this, I feel, where it's like, we're friends and we just had a kid. And then it works out terribly because we fell in love. Oh, wow.

We fell for each other except the Rockets. Aren't you like a romantic guy too, Jared? Like, wouldn't you like fall in love with someone? Yeah, I'm a huge pussy. I think for the most part, like that's what I'm trying to avoid is because if I have a child with a girl and then like I fall in love with this girl and it's like, well, we created this child together. It's pieces of us. And then she fucks someone else. a girl and then like I fall in love with this girl and it's like, well, we created this this child together.

It's pieces of us. And then she fucks someone else. Like then I'm going to I'm going to go off the deep end. And I'd rather live a full life than have that happen and then jump in front of a train. Yeah, I get that. There's some I totally get it. There's some movies specifically that's got like, I don't know, Jon Hamm, Adam Scott, like a bunch of Megan Fox is really in it, like a bunch of random people where they do this.

It's two friends where they have kids and their friends are so pissed off because it is working. They just have kids and they're like, Oh, and they're a healthy relationship and it's cool. And they live in the same place, but different wings and the whole thing. I think kind of like you're,

you're like KFC radio thing. I was listening to that, but also like they weren't mad about the situation. Their friends were pissed off. Right. Married. Cause they're doing it the traditional way. Yeah're like why are you like you're cheating by doing this like we have it harder than you it's fucked up i can't think the name of the movie i sit around

all the time obviously because i'm sitting here as a single dad and a divorce guy thinking about like the the landscape of how it all works i can't believe that like the vast majority almost everybody buys into like this is the only way to do it. I agree with you. Everything else in the modern world is very like customized or like here's how I work. I work from home. I work on this. I make my money OnlyFans.

I have side gigs. Everything's alternative except for it's like you have to meet someone. You have to marry them. You have to live with them. Monogamy, kids, family. And like, that's it. You know what I say all the time is I would act like a completely different person and do everything that I wanted to do in my own life.

If everybody that was older than me and my own family were dead. Yes. As soon as my whole family is dead, I will do whatever the fuck I want. I don't care, but I know that like my parents will be furious. I like have a kid out of wedlock and like having only fans and like showing kids around.

Like they'll be mad. They're the only ones that will care. I could give a fuck. I tell, I say this all the time. God, I wish my whole family and friends would just get slaughtered and be dead.

Right. And it's horrible to say. It's so bad to say, but it's like, yeah, I kind of wish it. I would, I don't want my kids.

My kids are fine. Your kids will be progressive. They will. No, no, no. You have the option now to like help your kids be progressive and normal and be like do whatever you want like let your freak flag fly however you feel like it pick up i think ellen wouldn't care oh i was down to ride yeah yeah if i had a kid

right now with someone that i met at a bar like last night i gotta feel like it should be good for you jared like well what i have learned she wants the grandkids my family and i hope everyone out there has has family just like mine my family showed me just how ride or die they are when i went through everything they were just like all right i don't know we'll figure it all out it's all good and but i also think it's at the point where it's like but but don't put me through anything else like we've done enough we've had enough so if i decided to do yet another like thing or live some alternative whatever they'd be like, you motherfucker. But if if I I hate New York, the only reason I'm here is because of all of them.

That's true. What if what if I got into a relationship with a single mom? Does that count? Or like, no, I want my own kid, right? Yeah. I was going to say, then you're a stepdad. My thing, I am going through this as well. Maybe like a newborn baby, new mother you you get in a

relationship with and it's almost like you're raising it it's almost a i'm trying to think of the pros and cons here one of the pros is that like if i have to travel for work well it's your fucking kid like you take it i'm not yeah when you're a step parent i think you're like oh things are going good i'll treat you like you're my own son things are going bad bitch you're not mine go go your mom that's You know what I mean? I don't know. I can't tell. I don't love kids.

I love my kids. And I don't know if that's a genetic thing or if it's just like, those are my kids. I feel like most people say that. I personally, at this present time, fucking hate kids. I hate kids. I think other people's kids are sometimes cute in photos. I think your kids are cute. I don't know if I want to hang out with them for a weekend.

No. I'm good. Kelly, trust me. You don't. No. I think your kids are cute. I don't know if I want to like hang out with them for a weekend. No. Like I don't. You don't know. Like I got shit to do. Like I got a nap for like 20 hours. It's not fun. It's not. No, it doesn't look fun.

It's love. It's fulfillment. It's a higher purpose. Blah, blah, blah. But if you are alone and you and I say, do Jared, what do you want to do this weekend? Kelly, what do you want to do this weekend? I guarantee your answer is not like watch fucking bubble guppies and hang out at the playground.

No, it's not. You don't get to do adult things that bring you pleasure and enjoyment. You have to do things for your kids. My best friend has two kids, and every time we hang out, all we listen to is Baby Shark for 12 straight hours. That's not enjoyable. That's not fun. Over and over and over again.

Baby Shark. I want to pour acid in my ears. I do that for my kids. I don't do that for other kids. People tell me, well, you got to go find a single mom who has her own kids

and you guys are on the same page. It's like, I don't want to be a stepdad to them. But also, that's what I mean. Like, why you want to add more to the mix? Right.

That also sounds terrible. I got a lot on my plate now. On my time, when I don't have my kids, I have your kids? No. No, forget it. I have a friend who, one of my good friends is single and she, until recently we didn't

realize, you know, she's like, I like guys who are a little bit older. I don't mind if they have kids, whatever. And we were like, you know what? You are right. You have big, like step mom energy. Like you'd be a great step mom, like good with kids occasionally, but like only on the weekends, every other weekend situation. Like that is your vibe.

And she's like, yeah, honestly, I don't really want kids past that. See, maybe you should pass me. I was like, I. Like that is your vibe. And she's like, yeah, honestly, I don't really want kids past that. See, maybe you should pass me. I mean, that is literally like, I will hand you her number. It's like, you can be good with my kids, but then not want your own.

Holler at me. That's it. I'll tell you, there are more bitches like that than you think. Really? So I, especially in my age range, like I am,

I am about to be 30. So it's right in that age range is like we don't want kids for that yeah there should be an app like down as bitches.com down as bitches we'll call it dab you can say that which i don't know how to talk about that it can say it can it says like you can put have children don't want children okay but here's the thing want children i think a lot of people i think a lot of girls say things and don't actually mean it like what give me an example like i don't want kids it's like i think that you just haven't met the right person yet and when you do you will want to have kids i think that's fair to say i also don't think i also think some bitches are serious like i'm pretty serious yeah you don't want i'm very serious yeah like i don't well i mean yeah you know what i mean like i cannot i think about like a like a woman giving birth and i'm now nauseous like i'm about to dry heave like it's just that sounds horrible

what about it what about it makes you dry heave just everything about it be like the thought of having pressure inside of your stomach and on top of your like your rib cage also it's awful and having to like sit on a bed and being exposed in a room full of people and they're pulling shit out of your vagina and you're just sitting there. I want to throw up right now. It's an absolute catastrophe.

It's horrible. I can't believe you haven't evolved. And any woman who's like, oh, the miracle of birth, I can't wait. I'm like, you can't wait for that? I understand you can't wait for your baby. You can't wait to raise a child. You can't wait to sit in a room full of people

while they rip your insides out you know what happens fucking psychopath i think the reason why is because you know what leads up to that is nine months of hell where you're like i can't wait to get in there because i can't live that way anymore you know sure sure sure and then i do believe there's literally i've said this before i think there's literally something called like uh like uh like delivery or pregnancy amnesia where it's like the only reason you'll have another kid is because you forget how it's like a couple years later you forget like oh like let's have another one but it's like you forgot that you actually were torn apart like the fucking bitch an alien like what do you mean it just sounds like a little pair of like knit booties and they're like oh babies let's

have another one i'm like you literally ripped your vagina to your ass no it's crazy I need like a niece or a nephew is what I need and my brother is younger than me so I just it's gonna be a long time I have a feeling like no there's no way but that's what I would like I would like a little niece to spoil not even really a nephew

fuck that like I want a little girl that I can buy girl shit can you rent kids I used to have an idea to rent puppies not kids but like if you want a puppy if I wanted to buy girl shit. Can you rent kids? I used to have an idea to rent puppies, not kids, but if you want a puppy for a day, you can walk into the park. If I wanted to raise a child in... I'm sure that's basically what... What the fuck are those things called?

I forget. Oh, the Big Brother program? Yeah, if you raise the kid until they were 13, then it's like, alright, now you go off into the world and become a man. That's like a foster parent. That's true. That's what I meant.

I can be like a foster home. You know what the problem is there? You do get a bunch of lemons. These are not fun kids. They're like kids who are going to be problem children. Not if they're like newborns, then you shape them how you want. If they're like from jail, then they're problem child.

Okay, so you're going to give up at 13 and then you're just going to hope that you did okay. I feel like 13 is a pretty pivotal age to disappear. Well, at that point, actually, that's probably when they get kind of cool. That's when you're playing baseball, they're banging bitches. You start to all of a sudden have a buddy. I would like to hang with some teens.

No. You don't want to hang with teens. I want them to show me stuff. Like, I feel like I will come in and be like, yeah, a little bit. Like, I know that I will definitely like be lame and old,

but I am self-aware enough to come in and be like, listen, guys, I know that I'm lame and old, but I just, I want to like laugh with you. Like, I want to do this shit. You can make fun of me to my face

while also showing me this shit. So then I will accidentally be cool and then you'll love me. The new songs, the new whatever. Why do you think I spend hours and hours on TikTok? Yeah, trying to be young,ok like i'm young i'm basically 14 years old inside my body i've successfully become how about how about this i run into with girls lying i feel like

girls will be like i you know i am not looking for anything serious and it's like yeah they're lying about that yeah they're almost always lying. You know, and I, and I can't, I don't want to like, first of all, be like, you're lying. Like, it's like, I have to,

I have to take you at your word. You're an adult. I can't be like, no, you're wrong. It's like, you're telling me your feelings, but let's just see where it goes.

It's like, I know where this is going to go. And it's going to end up with like you getting upset. And I have, you know, they're going to change. So that too, but they'll do this and they'll think like, oh, you know, it's fine.

He's going to fall so in love with me that he's going to be like, I know you said let's not do anything, but I just love you so much. And that's what they're expecting. And then when it doesn't happen, they get upset and then they'll say things to the guy and he'll be like, well, you said, and you'll be like, I know. And I was serious. And, and so that's why this just can't work. And then it's like a guilt trip.

And then I'm going to guilt you into being my boyfriend yes you fucking bitches that's what happens and it's like sorry bitches but that's what happens that's what girls do that's the playbook that's the playbook and it's like because because i'm like what you just said about like how you don't want to have uh kids i don't have more kids i really really don't and people keep saying to me first they asked me am i gonna get remarried and i was like i'm not opposed to that yeah but i i just don't think so and they're like everybody says that my lawyer told me something like 75 of people who get divorced get remarried in the next five years because it's like you're already predisposed to it you're gonna find someone else wild window huge number huge number oh five years yeah that's quick so i was like listen who am i i i always fall in with like

the normal crowd so i'm like if more people do this then okay maybe i'll get remarried i really don't think i want to go through the kids process again i don't want to restart the clock i like i said i really love my kids i don't think i want more i think i would freak out being like do i love this one as much as i love the i think i would freak out being like do i love this one as much as i love the first ones it would freak me out right for sure that would bug me out i don't want to go down the road and people keep telling me like you're gonna find someone and you're gonna fall in love and then you're gonna want to have kids with them and i'm like i just don't fucking think so how old are you right now like 35 so yeah so say like from today it's been

a couple years but from today within the next five years you get married maybe within a couple years you have kids you're going to be like 40 something i can have a newborn baby yeah that's that's my thing the age the old mom old dad thing right my parents are very young so whenever i was young and i was delusional about like where i'd be in my 20s and 30s i thought i'd be like married with a house at age 30 with kids throw out the fucking window yeah if you are young now and you have a plan i'm gonna meet you by this age fall in follow over you by this age engaged married kids by the it's all gonna go for good or bad it might be because you got a great job maybe because you do this that opportunities but throw it out the window exactly but my parents were super young and so i you know it was really fun i'm the oldest i and i only have one sibling who's seven years younger than me so

it's always like a party all the time i got to hang out with their friends it was great so i always thought to myself like oh that's the only way i'll have kids i want them to be like that blah blah blah, blah. I'm already past that. It's already too much. I can barely get out of my bed in the morning without stretching. I was tweeting the other day

that I need like morning stretches. Like my knees are sucked up. I need a person to come stretch me. Right. Like I need, yes. I need someone to fix my, yes, I do. It's a miracle worker. Yeah.

Do you have one? Do you have an inversion table? No. So one of my friends who's a dad got it for Father's Day. So like he just like upside down every fucking day. It's a miracle. It really does work. I always say it in the way though inversion table I guess is

what actually is what I need. But I always say that I want one of those like medieval torture devices that you tie your arms and legs to that stretches your body out and just like cracks all your shit and maybe breaks your bones and kills you like that. I need a morning. I need every single morning, a chiropractor to show up at my door and do the crack all my body.

And then I can maybe get out of bed without being like in agony. I've only had a kid when I was 40. No, forget it. Fucking no chance. You can't do it. But you know what else I'm worried about is the, like you said,

guilting. Like if I meet someone who I do like, and I do like to say, I fall actually in love, I'm going to be like, she wants kids and she deserves kids. So like, I guess I'll just like,

leave it in. She does. And like, it will, she be content. That's why it will ultimately always, it will always end up being tragic because I ultimately will be like, I do love you.

I do understand you want kids. It just can't be with me. So see you later. And then we all, you're john cena okay exactly that sure you know what though kevin sometimes just some of us are made out to have tragic love stories and tragic lives and i think that i think you're one of those people you're just made out to have it like you can you can withstand it so you have to have it like can i though but i don't know like we'll see we'll see and if you can't it's like like, all right, well. Withstand is an interesting word. I'll do a great. Am I going to kill myself?

I will never kill myself. That's a promise. I will not kill myself. Take it to the bank. Okay. You can old takes expose me if I'm dead one day and I kill myself. I'm definitely going to do that. I promise you. I'm going to tweet this clip and be like he said he fucking said he wasn't going to do it. Even in death he's a fucking liar. Guys, I

promise you I will never kill myself. I won't do that to my kids or my family. But withstanding the tragedy, it's going to be a tough one. Yeah, no, it'll be bad. But again, like I said, it's weird. We're that dramatic lifestyle. You have to embrace it like that. Like, wow, I live this drama.

I breathe this drama. This is my whole identity now. You're a little sandcastle on the beach, Kevin. Just getting wiped away just pretend like you live in the middle of a movie and shit sucks I do do that I don't dramatize it quite like

I don't romanticize it that's what I do what I have told myself is that I have seen without like going to war and seeing like death and crazy shit like that. I've seen like some of the best that life has to offer with this shit and everything that's gone well.

And I've seen some of the absolute worst that life has to offer. A lot of it's self-inflicted. But just in general, I've gone through the ringer and gone through the fire. And I do like kind of pride myself on being able to have withstood it and make it through it. I don't sit around being like it's like a movie and i love it but i don't know nobody loves life that's what i'm saying like anybody's saying that they love life is a fucking liar or they're just like children i hate also two people who are like having a good day and they will like tweet a thing out i'll be like oh just like feeling good like this is possible i'm like oh really like next week when you're crying like

about something else like i don't want to fucking hear it like don't don't ever say you're feeling good because you're gonna just i was gonna. I feel like you like your life. I'm in the middle. I never feel good. I'm so just delusional and isolated from the real world issues. I went on Kirk Manahan's show the other day and he's like,

who are you going to vote for? This was amazing. He had no idea who Ruth Bader Ginsburg was. I don't think he knew what the Supreme Court was. No, I did not. Or Jared did not. I don't think he knew what the Supreme Court was, right? That's crazy. No, I know what the Supreme Court is. I don't think to not know what it is because it's annoying to hear about it. You don't have to be invested in it.

One of the funniest things I've ever heard was somebody said, the Supreme Court is a regular court, but just with sour cream and tomatoes. Like Supreme Tacos. Oh, I like that very much. I might steal that one at a cocktail party or Oh, I like that very much. I might steal that one at a cocktail party or two. I like that very much. I rarely physically feel good, and I don't always feel like emotionally good, but like I love my life.

Jared. Okay. Let me just explain something to you. Let me just explain something to you. Yeah. You just said you don't feel physically good, right? You are in phenomenal shape. Yeah, you go to the gym.

So like, think about how I feel every morning when I get it. I feel hung over every morning. Every day. That is really drink at all. And I wake up every morning and I feel hung over. Yeah. My body hurts. So think about the people.

Imagine that. But you're not in good shape. And then you're me. Yeah. And then imagine you don't feel good emotionally for what? What's gone. Why? Why are you not happy?

Emotionally? Are you an anxiety guy? Anxiety? Yes. Okay. All right. So you got some of that. That's he,

he, he's got some fucking fine. He's being a big baby. He's fine. You don't have anxiety. Not in the castle by yourself. You're fine. All those TVs. How could you possibly? Yeah, you're in the launch pad every day.

I don't believe you anymore. New York will do it to you, but you fled. Now you're a pussy. She's at the launch pad? She's at the launch pad right now. Yeah, she's cleaning. Ellen cleaning service. I mean, what could you possibly be anxious about? You got your mom coming over to the launch pad to clean up for you. She's probably going to cook you a nice she's going to make you a nice lunch and cut it into triangles and cut the

crust off though. That's nice. I like grilled cheese. Moms make grilled cheese better than anybody. I don't know why. Sandwiches in general, but grilled cheese is specifically the right amount of cheese, the right melt of it. They put a shit ton of butter. They really get it going. Just the right amount. You know some people make it with mayonnaise?

I have tried both. Is it good? Mayonnaise is like a restaurant thing, people tell me. I prefer butter. I think butter is better give me specifically like country like give me white wonder bread white trash soft bread synthetic with the butter yes i'll probably do the mayo but yeah like i said i tried it it was fine i prefer the butter you can get more butter on there the mayo gets a little uh gets a little greasy on your fingers when you're trying to eat it which i hate eating shit with my hands for that reason. That's like, I don't like having stuff on my hands. I could see you.

I'm a fork person. Katie, I bet you eat buffalo wings with a knife and fork. I do. Absolutely. I also, also like, also, whatever. They have to be boneless for sure. And not even, I do like a honey, a honey sauce type thing. I don't even really eat wings.

You are such a pain in the ass. If I gave you a bone in wing, would you sit there and cut it up? No, no, no. I would eat it for fear of being judged for cutting it up. If I were alone, I probably would. But you would hold it and nibble it and then you'd put it back with all of the meat on the bone. I'm like Squidward with a Krabby Patty. If you know that reference. No, definitely not.

I'm way too old for that. Where I take just a little piece with my teeth and that's me trying to eat something. Yeah, pretty much. I still want it on my face. I don't want to make a mess. I have makeup on. I have lipstick on. I don't like that either. It's just ridiculous. I had fucking smart food last night and I was like, it's so good, but it's also

so fucking gross. All over your fingers. The smart food is really, it leaves like a cake on your fingers. Yeah, it really does. Like cheese doodles, you get the orange on there. Doritos get the orange on there. The smart food though, it's like makeup on your fingers. You gotta use your nails and scrape off. You know what I've been doing last night? I was dipping thin mints in a jar of peanut butter.

Pretty good. I just don't like it, but I love mint and chocolate. But I do appreciate your creativity. It was pretty good. I thought the thin part of the thin mints would be like the mint part. Sorry, not the thin part. Would be bad, but it actually was good. I can't co-sign that, but I do love the I don't know, fuck part would be bad but it actually was good i can't i can't co-sign that but i do love the like i don't fuck it let's let's give it a whirl i did

so much that in quarantine when i was just putting hershey kisses in tortilla wraps like whatever i don't fucking know that's like all i do is just like get high and do that shit now i mean that's my favorite shit to do i've just been eating slices of white bread when i'm high yeah no that's great it's not great it's not great it You have to have sustenance somehow. Yes, but it's like I will sometimes, not recently, but there have been times where I will try to be healthy. Eat a salad, eat some no-carb shit, and

then I go home and I have to smoke to go to sleep at night and then I'm high and I eat four slices of white bread. It's like, well, all that's erased. That's what happens. Yeah, no, no, no. There is no monitoring your health or weight or whatever if you're smoking weed. You have to know that going in. I also just think there's maybe none. That's just not in the cards for me at all anymore.

I just got too much other shit. All right, Kevin, you're a real piece of shit. You're never going to get better. All of your shit sucks. Like, just actually give up already. No, no. With the working out and getting in shape. I got too much other shit to worry about.

I understand. Being in shape is a luxury for people who don't have real problems. I got too much other shit to worry about. I understand. Being in shape is a luxury for people who don't have real problems. I also agree. It's the most unhealthy thing I've ever said. I'm like a thin person.

I'm very unhealthy. I'm extremely unhealthy in the same way I don't work out. I don't eat well. You're just lucky you've got good genes. So I am also like,

I look forward to the day in the future whenever I die and they cut my body open for science because that's what I'm going to do. And I want them to just see like what they find oh you're like it's going to be black on the inside with like just around the whole inside i all i do is like

smoke and jewel and whatever all day long it's gonna be all that my liver's gonna be gross and they're gonna like probably find a shoe like they do in sharks you know like a license plate like i don't know i don't know what i'm eating I feel like you would shatter like glass if like something happened to you. Like you got hit by something or a car or a person. Yeah, that would kill me for sure. I feel like you are super frail. That would kill me for sure. That would kill me for sure.

Although like I hesitate. I got to knock on all the wood all around the place. I've never broken a bone like apart from my pinky toes. So maybe I'm wrong then. Yeah, my pinky. You drink a lot of milk? I did growing up. Whole milk, straight up.

Straight up. Whole milk. All day, whole milk. Yay, yay! I don't know what you're doing here, but I know you do it. Whole milk. Whole milk. W-M.

I love it. I love it. That's me now. No, no, no. Whole milk for real all day. And can I tell you something? My parents would never let me get up off the, you know, away from the table unless it was all finished.

Even when we were having like spaghetti and meatballs, it'd be like spaghetti, meatballs and also a glass of milk. And I'd be like, I'm too full. Also, I've always been like a tiny person. I'm too full. I can't eat this. I can't have this whole milk. And they'd make me sit there at the table till like eight o'clock at night until I finished

it. That's probably where the problem started. Yeah, probably. I once, same sort of thing. My parents were big on the clean plate club wouldn't let me leave the plate uh leave leave the table would not let me have my purple grape like bubble licious bubble gum for dessert until i finished my dinner so i was taking the chicken you have bubble gum for dessert this this like it's a really shitty dessert no no first of all

first of all you don't understand what my house was. The reason that like something like that was dessert is because donuts and cake and pastries were just that was just food in my house. That might have been a meal. It was my house. We were a snack. Oh, yeah. I mean, we had soda. We had Entenmann's.

It was all that shit. But but it wasn't a regular thing. But specifically this night, I remember wanting this gum. They wouldn't give it to me until I finished. I was taking the chicken and I was hiding it under the a regular thing. But specifically this night, I remember wanting this gum. They wouldn't give it to me until I finished. I was taking the chicken and I was hiding it under the tablecloth. And then they celebrated me. They threw me a fucking party like you did it. Clean plate club.

Somehow thinking that like I just didn't. I was young, so I didn't realize we're going to. Were they guilting you? Were they like watching you do that? No, I had duped them until they really cleaned up. They moved the tablecloth. They were like, there's all the fucking chicken, you little sociopath. So that's probably when I should have realized that i had trouble how long was the chicken there it was just like you know like 20 minutes later my mom

was cleaning up the dinner table and she was like i was envisioning like they found the chicken the next day yeah chomping away man did you use the spot was bubblicious like bubble tape or bubble this one was like the little pieces the cubes like i I love the cubes, yeah. Grape flavor, though? You're trash. Yeah, well, listen. I mean, I've done it all. I've done every flavor but not gum. Grape flavored gum is good.

No, it smells funny to me. Kind of like orange flavored gum to me smells like BO. You smell fucking funny. No, I smell great. People tell me every time. They tell me I smell good. But, however, the orange gum tastes like BO. It's orange.

Orange flavor? Like orange flavored gum, yeah. It's fucking orange, orange flavor, like orange flavor gum. Yeah, it's fucking gross. The only way I have the gum, it came in like a little milk carton and it was like little like pebbles almost. Oh, like open it up almost kind of like a little orange juice like carton. I think it's orange flavor and he's like poured them out. I feel like maybe I would just put the whole thing in my mouth.

I also, you know, I used to freak people out. I would take the bubble tape and I would bite into it rather than pull like Oh, that's okay. Why would you ever do that? Just to fuck with people. I used to swallow a bubble tape a lot. For something about it, it's like, that's what they always say, seven years. Another thing I used to do is swallow gum

on my walk home from school every single day because I wasn't supposed to be chewing gum and I would take the bus in the third grade, swallow it every day for, I swear to God, six months. Like I, there's definitely a wad of gum in my stomach. Yeah, they are going to, that's the shoe and the wad of gum,

but no bubble tape, something about the consistency of that. You got to swallow it. That's a meal. Like you can't, you can't just chew it. It's like two, two,

like, I don't know. Do you know what I'm talking about? And it's got that powder on it. Yeah. Yeah. Crack cocaine. Yeah.

Let's hit a break. We'll be back. More CCK. Casey out. Kelly in. And we'll keep it moving here until 3 o'clock. Out of all of the promotional beer products I've ever seen, specifically from Miller Lite, who's always been on top

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Kelly Keegs is here if you want to talk to her. Is on CCK. Call us up. We're talking about everything right here. Although my calls are down, Zaza. So if you got any calls, you can put them through. I need to run a story by you guys. Let's go. Let's hear it.

Let's go. I think I met the most ignorant piece of shit in the world that lives in my building. Oh, wow. Love this. Tell us everything. Love some neighbor beef. Yeah. So I see this guy all the time.

It's super strange. I was actually going to make the joke, too. Like, we've never spoken before. But, like, every time I go to the elevator to go up, he's always there. Like, he always, like, comes in at the same time that I come in. It doesn't matter what time of day it is. He's just always there so i come in and we both kind of get to the elevators at the same time and he hits the button to go up and he starts to get into the elevator and i'm walking in

and then he like puts up his arm like like to block me from getting in and he's like i'd rather not and i looked at him and i looked at him and yeah i i looked and i said what i'd rather not i would say i rather would yes i i said what even though i heard him i think my brain was just trying to process what happened right i was wearing a mask and he wasn't so when i said what, what? He was like, he's like, I'd rather not. COVID, man, come on. What's the age again? This guy's got to be in like late 30s, early 40s. Oh, all right.

It was like an old person, but fuck this guy. No, that's too young to be like that. Late 30s, early 40s. And I see him around the building all the time. He's never wearing a mask. So it's not like he cares about COVID so much that he forgot his mask or something, and he's going back to his apartment, and his grandma's there. This dude straight up doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't wear a mask ever, and he throws up the block, and he's like, I'd rather not.

Wow. I don't know that I've ever experienced something like that before in my life i am so jealous that you have this in your life i love nothing more than an obnoxious neighbor when you are 100 in the right when you know that you've done nothing wrong and then you can like the way all your anger on him i'd rather not made it made it seem like hey asshole like there's a pandemic going on right be conscious of your neighbors meanwhile he always walks around i've never seen him with a mask so so how did how did so you you know you just bitched out and he rode the elevator

by himself no i mean like he was in the elevator and then the doors closed like there was there was no time to dispute what so you didn't even react what just happened you would have had to have like thrown your body in as a real statement yeah yeah yeah You would have had to have thrown your body in as a real statement. I would have had to punch through the fucking goal line to get into the elevator. I think I might have done that. That might have set me off in a way where I'm like, actually, go fuck yourself.

I'm coming in here. You should wear a motherfucking mask next time. You should definitely do that next time. I would get petty enough. I would sit in the lobby one day and like wait for that guy. Wait for him. And then wait or I'd like find you know oh okay he went out I'm gonna wait in the lobby

until he comes back and then I will get in the elevator with you. I mean I'm wearing a mask so I'm comfortable getting in the elevator with you there. If you're not comfortable you get out of the fucking elevator. Yes absolutely I've actually the parking garage I park at they say four people to an elevator. And this girl-

Yeah, the tape on the ground, like the square. Yeah, the four, like the little stickers for you to stand on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This girl was on the elevator. I came on.

The door was probably about to close. It didn't start to close and then I opened it back up. I got in before the door closed. And she kind of looked up and then went back down. Then the door started to close and two guys put their arm in and opened it back up. So she basically kind of had to wait for two door closings almost.

And she went. But then she got out and left. And I was like, OK, you know, like it wasn't it wasn't six people getting on. Those guys did like they probably should let it close and take the next one, but whatever. She was all pissy about it, but she chose to leave. So, like, fine. That's okay. That's your business.

Denying someone else elevator entry. And, by the way, this was, like, April. It may be a different story. You know, like, I think we are beyond the panic right now that I don't think you can... You know, there was a time where I think you had to respect like any and everybody's wishes when it came to this shit because people were freaking out.

Yeah. But this, at this stage in the game, this age, that scenario, only two people, one mask, no mask, you should have been like, fuck off, dude. Yeah, you just can't have that.

And he never wears a mask. Like, this is not someone that's like, oh, fuck. So now you have to be like, I forgot my mask. I'm like, yeah. You know, next time you see him, not someone that's like, oh, fuck, I forgot my mask. Yeah. You know,

next time you see him, you have to be like, excuse me, where's your mask, sir? Right, like if he, what is, I can't wait to, I'd rather not him. Like if I beat him

to the elevator, I'm for sure gonna I will give him this. I will give him this. That's a great phrase. Oh no, he's, I'd rather not him. I like love that kind of,

because the level of petty, but he, if he's not gonna be wearing a mask and you're coming in wearing one, he doesn't have a leg to because the level of petty, but if he's not going to be wearing a mask and you're coming in wearing one, he doesn't have a leg to stand on with this situation, but I don't understand why he thinks he does have a leg to stand on with this situation.

Everyone knows that the mask thing is the rule. Sure, people know the social distance, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Wear the mask is the only fucking rule, and that's the one you're going to be like, oh, no, no, no. I don't want to do this one, but don't get in my elevator.

Yeah. That makes no sense. I would probably end up like stalking this guy. I would have blacked out with rage. Like, I would go, I would like check his mail. He lives like a few doors down.

Yeah, sure, yeah. Oh, he's on your floor too? Yeah, he's on my floor. He's in my hallway. He's probably four or five doors down from me. Oh, my God. You got to ruin this.

Oh, my God. How many floors on your building? Are you in like a high rise or is it only a couple floors? Oh, all God. You've got to ruin this. Oh, my God. How many floors on your building? Are you in a high rise or is it only a couple floors? Oh, all right. So you're going to see him. Yeah. Especially on your floor. Yeah.

Literally, I see him every day. I was going to make the friendly joke to him before he, I'd rather, nodded me that he's the simulation guy. It doesn't matter what time i leave and come back when i come back and go to the elevators he's always coming in with his dog or something yeah yes that's like i can't wait for round two three four five let's go have you seen that uh that amazon prime show upload it's like that it's just they die it's an afterlife he dies and he's there saying this resort but it's like a simulation So shit happens the same thing all the time.

Right. It's like a whole. Yeah, you're living some Truman Show shit or some Groundhog Day shit. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That guy's a plant for sure. He might be.

He might be trying to instigate you. That could be like. He's trying to alpha me because like I'm the new guy on the floor. It's like I'm going to alpha this guy. Right. Right. Guess what? You can't alpha the rocker.

Jared, what if? What if this guy is like actually a stalker of you and he hates you and his entire apartment is covered with photos of you and has clips of you talking baseball? What if he's a big fucking Yankees fan and he has all this shit in his house and he hates you so much? Yes. And he's instigating you and he's trying to get a lawsuit. Or he's going to film a video being like, look at this guy in the middle of a pandemic

fighting me and shit like that. He'll slander you. He'll ruin your career, ruin your reputation. He's probably hacking your computer. You're on the same Wi-Fi network probably. He's hacking your shit. You better watch your shit out. He's probably going to fight me.

You don't think he can hack into your Wi-Fi? He can. He can probably hack into it, yeah. Yeah, he can hack into it. I'd be careful. You either have to be very careful with him or you have to kill him. Yeah, I think those are the only two options.

Erase the problem, you know? Yeah, I would honestly opt for kill so you don't have to see his face anymore. It sounds like his face is annoying. You got to know some guy in Boston who just got, or Saugus got nothing to live for who'll come fucking do your dirty work for you.

Yeah. Yeah, 50 bucks. For the rocket? 50 bucks, yeah. Who in Saugus wouldn't do whatever the rocket asks? Is that the going rate in Saugus is 50 bucks for a murder?

For assassination? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Assassination. For the rocket. For the promo code rocket you get fucking 10 bucks off. Yeah. Let's go to the calls. you get fucking $10 off. Yeah. Let's go to the halls.

833-85-STOOLS, the phone number. Will from Cleveland's on the line. He says that he's going to kick my ass in the next Rough and Rowdy. What's up, Will? What's up, bro? Yeah, dude, just kind of want to kick somebody's ass, and this Rough and Rowdy stuff needs to happen. Yeah, go fuck yourself.

You're a child. Let's go to Nate in Little Rock. What's up, Nate? Hey, what's going on, guys? How are you, man? Hey, pretty good. Hey, I think I've figured out and cracked the code for these modern day relationships. And as far as women wanting to get married

and guys just having common sense and not wanting to do it. What if you give the women exactly what they want? And what they want is a wedding day. They want the dress. They want the pictures. They want the cake.

The pictures, pictures, pictures. Honestly, I think it's what it all comes down to is what they want. Like, we can do all that. I'll give you your wedding day. Even if it's expensive as hell, let's just not sign any paperwork. Nate, let me tell you

what the problem is right here. There's a lot of bitches who don't even want weddings anymore, especially after now Having to cancel I've had like 30 friends cancel their weddings Everyone just eloped

And said fuck weddings And now Really That's actually great Moving forward People have been like You know what Just fuck weddings

It's not worth all the trouble If there's one good thing Yeah To come out of this If people realize That the pomp and circumstance And the dog and pony show And the money you spend

On weddings Is not worth it That might happen For like a couple years It'll come back back because people it'll definitely come back but for now that's for now they can't get the move you gotta you gotta keep that move in your back but i do right now they're marrying for love right now i do believe that in in general generally speaking i need to can i just say this if you listen to me on any platform broad disclaimer i'm going to speak in generalities and i'm going to stereotype. That's just how it works.

I do think that there are girls who want the ring, they want the dress, they want the day. I don't think he's wrong on that. So we give them that and then what? What's the other side of the equation here, Nate? Well, then we don't have to sign the paper, right? And have a nasty divorce in three to five years.

I'm fully on board with this idea. I think... Didn't I post this not too long ago? We have the five-year opt-out? That, I like that idea. So you have five years. You don't sign any paperwork, but in five years, you can choose to opt in and sign paperwork, or you can both walk away,

no questions asked. Or if one person says, this isn't working, the other person has to respect it and just be like, okay, it's done. That would would give me for five years i'd be like vomiting every morning yeah like there's no way but like because i know it would be me who's like so in love and just crying losing weight like but also wouldn't it make you i mean this sounds bad it's like you shouldn't have to like earn it but like you would you don't want somebody being with you who like hates you that fucking much so they like after five years they're like listen like you gotta let me go i guess i guess at that

point you also want max effort in the prime year like you want to mail it in in your 60s it's like all right well i mean we're in our 20s we're in our 30s like let's right keep the spark going for a little bit i don't want to make it seem like you know like i'm dangling the carrot here you gotta work for it babe but it's like there are people there are people in sports who sign a big contract and they just say fuck it i got my money i think there are people who get the ring lock it down guys and girls who are like well i don't need to try anymore i don't care anymore for sure and it's like this is not yet man relationships right forget about even before the ring you know it can happen anytime but i think i've said this a million times i think

it's insanity that we tie up financial. The finances. It's fucked up. Yeah, I agree. The most practical black and white thing in the world is dollars and cents, money, salary, property, yada, yada. The most impractical and illogical thing is emotions and love and the roller coaster. Yeah. And we marry those two things together.

Literally, it's like, well, why would we do that? That's fucking. Yeah. Like, I see it from both sides because I want to take advantage of my future husband's money very much so like but i but i also know that it's his like say don't say that like you know whenever we get married i'm showered with gifts all the time and then we get divorced i understand i'm getting i'm not getting shit like i know that i didn't earn that money i just like like sucked at the teat for five years i know you say that and i i do not doubt that you would be a phenomenal trophy wife ke Kelly. I really would be a great.

But I also think you have your own pride. You really do. For sure. I think I don't think you actually want to be a literal trophy wife in the sense of like I have no skills. I have no talent. I have no career. And I literally am just here to be like your Barbie doll.

Right. You don't want that. You might want a guy who's rich and you say you're comfortable and shit. But I actually don't believe you would just be a gold digger. No. I've been watching too much Housewives and watching all these bitches go through divorces and all that shit happening. And I'm like, what do you do?

You sit around all day with this pile of money that you fought for and made yourself look like a fool. It's just crazy. That's when it's not worth it. I can't really cry in all my Birkins when they're split down the middle. It's not as good. We got Ryan from Pennsylvania. He's got akins when, like, you know, they're split down the middle. It's like not as good. We got Ryan from Pennsylvania. He's got a cure for both of us.

He's got a cure for the munchies. He's got advice for you on adoption, Jared. What's up, Ryan? Oh, yeah. Wonderful. Hey, how's it going? So when I was a freshman in college, I took the freshman 15, bumped it up to the freshman 50. 50?

5-0? 5-0 is a big number that is fat honestly i know you're not supposed to say fat but you're a fat motherfucker right no kelly you're 100 right i saw a picture of me on facebook thank you for not taking offense holy shit i'm fat wow okay so then once i saw that picture i was like i gotta stop fucking eating so it's literally how i did it was you know you know you're high and let's say you know you just ate dinner it's just a mental game you just have to tell yourself this is just the munchies i'm not gonna do it right and then it's gonna ryan ryan and then after a while did you call my radio program with the advice of just telling myself to be better?

That's your advice? Did you just call in here being logical? Get the fuck out of here. What are you thinking? Of course I should just say, don't eat that. The problem is I have no willpower or self-respect, and I'm not a mature person. I'm stoned, and I'm hungry, and I like snacks. That's the problem, Ryan.

That's not advice. That's like problem, Ryan. That's not advice. That's like saying, oh, I have the cure. I have the cure for you to get in shape. Eat right and go to the gym. No fucking kidding. If I don't eat the snacks. No, I'm still a fat ass. I just don't eat when I have the munchies. Okay. I could eat dinner. I could eat snacks before

I'm high and then once I'm high, I eat again. Yeah, like I'll just eat anything that I want to during that time. Yeah, and it's also at bad hours. That's the problem. I go right to bed and it just sits there.

I'm eating it at you know, weird snacks 11 p.m., 1 a.m. sometimes. That's just gonna you know, just rip holes in my stomach for 10 a.m.

when I finally wake up. Like that's that's just what happens, Ryan. I can't wait. Okay, so let's hear what the advice for adoption is. Oh, Jared doesn't have this problem.

This should be even better. What advice? This is an advice for adoption. It's a warning. Okay, so let's hear what the advice for adoption is. Oh, JR doesn't have his own. This should be even better. What advice? This is an advice for adoption. It's a warning. Oh, okay. Oh. Have you adopted? Oh, well, no.

I am adopted. Both me and my sister. Oh, even worse. Scandals, kind of. Oh, so you're fucked up. Continue. What do you got? Tell me everything.

I have a whole radio hour on that. Call me later. So both me and my sister are adopted, and my dad was actually older. He was 42 when he adopted me. How old were you? I'm 29 right now. But he adopted you when you were like a baby or what? Yeah, yeah.

He adopted me when I was a baby okay so like straight from birth i never knew my birth parents nothing like that when did you find out i'm gonna let you get to your point but when did you find out when you were adopted um well i was kind of like a little shit child so like i would always rifle through my parents stuff and i just like stumbled upon it holy yeah i just like happened to find like my baby book my adoption records and all that like first grade okay i would kill you if i were your parents that's what i found out about no santa claus if that makes you feel any better but keep going so i mean and you know they're great people supportive whatever but no matter how hard they tried we could not be any different from our parents

like my birth parents athletes etc my adopted parents athletes etc but my dad was a football basketball baseball guy i played soccer and lacrosse and then video games my sister went to college for a fine arts major. Well, then let's get into a discussion about nature versus liquor. That's really what it is. So I hate to cut you off here, but the bottom line is it is, Jared, whoever you adopt, you just got to raise right,

man. That's it for us. Chicago's up next. Kelly, thank you so much. Thank you for having me. And you are wonderful at for us. Chicago's up next. Kelly thank you so much. Thank you for having me. And you are wonderful at this. You're very good at this. Thank you very much.

I look forward I look forward to the Bachelor after shows and I think you should have much more to do here at Barstool. I want to be on the record saying that. Chicago's up next.

We'll see you guys tomorrow. Stay hot.