KFC Radio - CCK Podcast: Love & Letters (featuring Paige Spiranac, Marty Mush, Jetski, ad Blattman from Big Brain)

Episode Date: June 3, 2019

KFC, Carrabis and Kayce discuss love letters and break up notes. Best of last week including Paige Spiranac feeding Jared vegetables, her worst date ever and why she doesn't want to play Riggs in golf again. Marty Mush gets real sweaty when he dogs a rat. Jetski and his quest to be the next Frankie. The infamous Keebler letter. Behind the scenes of Barstool Big Brain.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. It's the CCK Podcast delivered by Postmates, the best of this past week, plus a little extra content for you here, delivered to you by the best delivery service on the planet right now, and I mean that sincerely, because they can, they, they they again i mean they save my children's lives get that milk for my children get that milk for me they feed me every night you look like a milk guy oh yeah yeah what does that even mean he just likes that milk i like you're about that whole milk life yeah i'm about that i'm about that i'm

about that one percent i'm a one percenter. Whole milk. I appreciate the whole milk, the holies, but I'm a one percenter. I'm a one percenter, too. You guys are pussies. Skim milk. People can kick rocks. Yeah, no, that's fair. But yeah, me and daddy's OK.

Also, I'll fuck around with a two percent. I'll go half. That's just two percent and one percent. Taste that different. If you're going to go in, you've got to go all in. Why don't you start drinking heavy cream then, you bitch? Maybe I will. Why don't you start drinking buttermilk?

Why don't you stop even doing homogenized and pasteurized? Why don't you just drink it straight from the cow? I'm just going to suck a cow's teat. Right from the teat. Suck all the teat of a cow. That's probably not healthy at all. Oh, no, that's very dangerous. Yeah, that's bad.

I think you get sick from that. Yeah, I probably won't. You know that we are the only species that drinks another species' milk. That's probably why it's bad. It's inter-species milking? Yeah. Yeah, it kind of is weird, though, right? It's like, we make our own milk.

Why don't we just drink our human milk? And we're like, ew, that's gross. Right. Well, I feel like human milk probably doesn't taste very good. I think all milk is kind of gross when you think about it. I want to know who figured out that milk was a thing. Like, who decided that they were going to just, like, milk a cow and drink it? I think about that all the time.

Or something like Nate. Like, probably. Probably a creep who's like, I want to suck on that. And then it's like, ooh, something came out. I don't know. Maybe it was a yank. I think a lot of times we learn from animals. Animals just know suck on that. Yeah. And then it's like, Ooh, something came out. I don't know. I think it was a yank. I think a lot of times we learn from animals. Animals just know to do that.

And then it's like, all right, that little baby sucking on that. So I'm gonna suck on that too. Right. But all sorts of food. I'm going to kill that animal. I'm going to skin it.

I'm going to put it on top of fire and then I'm going to eat it. Right. What? And then where you drew the line too, you know, like you see those like PETita billboards and it's like well where do you draw the line from like a chicken and then it goes like all the way up to a human and there's always somebody that like comes with graffiti and like it's like well between the

cow and the horse that's where we draw the line like we're not eating the horse like who drew that line like why are we not eating horses i did a horse right now no people eat horses no no because you're not in america because you know what they do is they just change the name you know it's like venison. It's like you're eating a deer, bro. If they just changed horse to a different name, it'd be like, oh, okay. Yeah. I would eat a horse for sure.

Definitely would never eat a dog. No, I could never eat a dog. I'd eat a human. What? I would like to try some human. Yeah. Society has trained us to think that that's not normal. What if you could just do that? What if we grew we grew up hear me out eating human yeah what if we grew up and

that was normal well as long as it's not like someone has been murdered for me to eat them i'm okay with it then what how i don't want to murder anybody what's just like some old person dies you'll eat that meat but not i would prefer some young person so how did they die i don't know tragically but not intentionally like What is wrong with you? Like if somebody dies in a car accident, I would like to maybe try their meat. Yeah. But I don't want them to die for me to eat them. Right.

You feel me? Yeah. But it would probably cost a lot of money to eat a human. I bet you super rich people do this. No, they don't. Super rich people who need to just get their rocks off in weird ways like they hunt humans they probably hunt humans and then eat them

I don't know if they hunt them I bet you that they probably just have oh my friend people hunt people like big game hunters who again who are like we're sick of shooting lions and stuff in Serengeti we want to play the most dangerous game there's books and movies about this man there's definitely books and movies about it but do you I feel like we would know about it if it were happening.

No, no, no. You are not on that level. If you were rich and inner circle, you would know about it. You're a peasant. The police would know. The police are involved. Oh, they're paid off. This is probably not happening in America. This is happening with Americans just out outside our borders. That's pretty

cool, though. I'd like that. To hunt and eat humans? Yeah. Again, I just want to test it out. Yeah. I just sometimes worry about the well-being of Barstool employees when these conversations happen. I mean, like YPN fights talking about how they like to choke the life out of people

last week. And now this week you guys are talking about hunting and eating humans. YPN fights are that? Oh yeah. I don't like that. That's where I draw the line. Oh, okay. Well, I mean, they didn't't like they didn't say they wanted to kill people they just said that they like having the power that they could do it that's weird stark that's weird that's some listen to

the best of last week stark all i know is that you know if someone were to cook up some human for me season it sauce it up yeah cook it like nice medium. I'm medium. I don't need to do a medium rare. Maybe it's like a nice thigh or a butt. I'd eat the butt. Jesus Christ. I do eat the butt.

But what I do actually is I get all my food and snacks delivered by Postmates so that my hunger is satiated so I don't have these thoughts about eating humans. I wonder if Postmates- Postmates saves my children's lives and saves the lives of anybody who I was thinking about hunting and eating. Postmates fan, not a fan of cannibalism. Postmates non-cannibals. For all the non-cannibals out there, Postmates, promo code KFC, $100 off your delivery charge

for the next seven days. That's KFC. You get $100 of free delivery credit during your first seven days with the program. We did a little love letter talk this week. That was weird. Have you ever written a love letter? Yes. To who and how old?

Is it a girlfriend? Yeah. How old were you? You were in your 20s. You were already dating? Yes. So it was like an anniversary or Valentine's Day or some occasion. Yeah, like once a year, yeah.

Now, was it like a love sonnet? You know, like roses are red, violets are blue? No, no, no. How long was it? I mean, probably like a couple pages. So it was just like a... A reflection. Love letter usually has a connotation of like a poem.

It wasn't a poem. It was just like a letter you wrote to someone. Look how far we've come. Look at what we've done. And then she fucked your best friend. Was it her? No. I was going to say that would be really bad. No, that didn't happen.

But don't you feel foolish eventually after you break up? I don't feel foolish about it because it's like, find another guy that's going to fucking write you a bomb ass letter. Did you handwrite it? I feel like that just ups the ante. If you handwrite anything, it's way more impressive than if you type it out. Girls are such suckers.

Yeah. No, apparently all you got to do is write things down on paper, and they're like, ooh. No, no, no. It has to be good. But it does take it the next step. Because, I mean, how easy is it to type versus go find some fucking stationery? Some parchment. Well, here's the thing, Casey.

If I handwrote you a love letter, you'd be like, this is a fifth grader. It could be the most romantic letter of all time, but you'd be like, this is coming from a fucking 11-year-old. If your handwriting is that bad, mine is like a two-year-old. Well, so you gotta switch

to all caps. Yeah, I do that, but that takes so long. I don't think it does. I eventually just start to fall into like a script cursive sort of gibberish you have to train yourself to write in all caps and then it looks way better definitely looks much better the thing is i'm i'm never writing anything of substantial length so i'm always just like scribbling down notes for an interview or some shit like that and i'm just like yeah i just scribble it's like a it's like a doctor's prescription pad like i know what it says like i do the sometimes it's uppercase sometimes it's lowercase just by accident

and apparently that's like a sign of being a psycho yeah i don't know yeah well it's definitely a split personality like a schizo or it's like well that was your your you know one personality writing now it's your other person no no it's like in the same word yeah no i know i just that's i also like to write things down more than type them. Like if I'm taking notes on something, like I, if I write it down, I'll remember it. So I feel like if you're writing a love letter or a breakup letter or whatever, it means more if you physically write it. Breakup letter, is that a thing? I was going to say, can we do that?

I would love that. That would have saved me a lot of, a lot of headache. Yeah. No, I don't think it's like, that's how you're breaking up. I think it's like a, like if somebody breaks up with you and then, and then like you write a letter. As a woman, Casey, is there a right way to break up with someone? Like if I wrote you a breakup letter, would that be more preferred than like a phone call or a text message or an in-person?

No. I mean 10 out of 10, it needs to be done in person. I disagree with that. Yeah. Because then people start crying. I guess it depends on how serious the relationship is. I think so. It depends on how much you've invested.

If you've not invested that much time, you're not in a serious thing. You might get a text from me. It's never okay on a text message. If you make it past six months, then we'll start talking alternatives. But anything before six months, you might get a text message.

You might just never hear from me. Are we talking about an actual, I hate saying this because it sounds like I'm a 13-year-old, but a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship? Are you talking like just a hookup no no like we've we've gone on dates maybe you've met my parents like we've you are exclusive you guys call each other in yeah we're exclusively in that six month window maybe a valentine's day or a christmas has fallen in there we've gotten each other gifts for those holidays if you don't make it to six months you ain't getting shit like i'm just gonna be like you would ghost somebody that met your parents holidays with hell yeah god you're

a douchebag you gotta make it to that six month mark and if you don't guess what you ain't shit i mean i follow the logic a little bit yeah i'll tell you what's logical but like when you're when you're gonna break up with someone you see them in person, you get sucked back in. You do nothing but fight. You do nothing but like cry. Make up sex. Break up sex. Right.

Like that's fun and shit. But if you're trying to actually break up, I think seeing each other is the worst thing. And like staying in contact too. Yeah. Because then the more that you text and the more that you talk, the longer. The more susceptible you are to slide back in. Right. You know.

I don't know. I mean, that's why the breakup letters. You have a bunch of shit to say, but you don't want to say it to their face. You don't want to get sucked into some sort of hookup situation. You don't want them to be able to respond right away. Write a breakup letter. I mean, it makes sense to me. Think of how I've gone through breakups in the past.

I feel like once you hit a certain point of seriousness, it has to be done in person. I always use Rory McIlroy as the example. He broke up with caroline i always fuck her name up yeah wozniacki they were engaged and i guess he like text her to break up the engagement tough maybe a phone call but still it's like if you're engaged and you're planning a wedding they had already sent out wedding invitations and he didn't even do it in person i got i got a friend who uh his girl just left the ring on the bed poof so yeah love that did she leave a note i would love that i don't know

no note oh just clean there was a lot of fighting it wasn't like out of nowhere but it was like the actual breakup was out of nowhere like like they were you know it wasn't really disgusting there was a an episode of sex in the city where carrie wakes up and has just a post-it note that just says i can't do this i'm. I love a clean break like that. I mean, think about it. I get what you're saying where you quote-unquote owe it to them, but it's like they ordinarily want that because they still want to be with you. You're the breaker-upper, and it's like, no, no, you have to see me.

You want to be able to state your case. Yeah, but a breakup is like one of the worst, messiest, kind of rudest things you can do to someone. So it's like I'm already being the rudest I can be. Now I have to like not do it over text or not do it over the phone. Like you're already going to hate me. We're already going to be a mess. There's a level of respect, I guess.

Yeah, but if I'm like breaking up with a guy that I don't give a fuck about. But I am disrespecting you. Well, yeah, but if I'm. Inherently, I'm like, I do not want to be around you anymore. That's fair. But there's also like if I'm going to break'm like, I do not want to be around you anymore. That's fair. But there's also like if I'm going to break up with a guy that I don't actually care about, then yes. But if there's a guy, it's like, listen, like, I don't want to be with you anymore, but I at least respect you as a human being to give you this. There's a difference. I've dumped girls for the most ridiculous reason.

Oh, shocker heard around the world. Can't even believe that you said that. There's three of them. I've already told the shitty pants story. There's a girl farted in my presence. That was it. You're done. There was another one.

I dated her in high school. And she went to a concert and her parents were away. So she gave me the keys to her house. And she was like, all right, you go to the house and set up. And we can have a party at my house. And your friends and my friends will be there. And i'll come back when like i got back from the concert and then her neighbors notified her grandparents who then went to go check out the house and then they came and she wasn't there but i was and a bunch of people were there partying and they were

like him that's the boyfriend he's gotta go and go. And I was like, well, fuck. That's it. So then I dumped her before she could dump me. And then what was the third one? Oh. You dumped a girl over her grandparents, basically. I just didn't want to face her family again. Got it.

I was like, I don't want to have to pull the rip. It was in high school. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I don't want to deal with this. That's just too much of a headache. There was another girl that I dated when she was in college and she had a house with her friends and my best friend dated her best friend

so we would go party there on weekends and then when she graduated, she moved back home with her parents so I dumped her. Because you lost the value there, the appeal. Does that surprise you? If anyone's listening and wants to date me, though. Sometimes it's just we romanticize things for better or worse.

Like, you know, there's appeal for a reason, and then you felt like that appeal's gone. Yeah, I mean. It's just a different life now. It's just different now. That's not what I wanted to sign up for. Yeah, like I want to party. If you can't bring that to the table, then what are we doing here?

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We got a couple of calls on the line here. People wanted to weigh in on this idea of who from Barstool Sports could pull an A-list celebrity. I have, I'm on the record saying that it's got to be a guy, a lister who let's call a spade a spade stoops down to our level right i don't think any girls are stooping down to the level of guy bloggers but let's let the people weigh in on it we'll see what what you think eric from philly what do you got on barstool and the celeb life hey what's going on um so i think well first of all ellie and uh jumbo dong martinez if that ever goes through i think that's an do one I mean that that was a clear Joke okay

Will happen I mean that seems like they Could connect somehow and then KB no swag that guy is A little weirdo and I feel like that's a good one I like that one imagine if KB No swag just shows up on like red carpets All of a sudden like what you think but like He can walk into the office with somebody I think the whole

Office would be like who the hell is he with and then i think it would all just like it would work you know like i think who would be like the most ridiculous girl like kb no swag would walk in with uh yeah i mean he could probably look at anna kendrick i know you're talking about her you know what that's actually anna kendrick is is such a like reasonable down to earth alister that I could see her like finding Especially someone who like appreciates Humor maybe like oh this guy's a great

Writer and he's funny and look at that He's got those weird ears because he's a good wrestler Yeah this is my guy maybe That would work Anna Kendrick would Probably be especially now that she's she's Dipping her toe in the barstool waters Are we including Dave in this or is he just

Separate yeah sure but I don't I mean I guess what because he just has money Just because he's around him because He's in the Kentucky Derby parties I guess proximity helps But I mean I don't think So I think no money It's KB no swag money it's Dave

All right I mean Those are yeah There's rationale behind all that that makes That makes sense I think that the Girl the girl argument your girl Argument is valid because I think that all the girls in here Could potentially especially because

There's a lot of them are so young I just Don't like a list celebrities are so Far out like even dave like yeah dave's in the kentucky derby dave's not in the kentucky derby boxes with like george clooney there's a there's a huge huge difference yeah like you can you can be at the same event but it doesn't mean that you're like with and we're not talking about like i mean like the jersey short cast for example like they're nowhere near like a-list celebrities but they're still pretty big time celebrities you can be around that Like the next step up of celebrity is crazy.

It's great. It's completely different. Like you can't even find those people. Kev from New York. What do you got? What do you got? All right. I got two of them.

First one I got, Robbie Fox. Oh, that would be good. And who would it be? An older woman. I don't know. It would have to be like some older woman

She's like, oh, look at this young kid Reminds me of my son kind of thing Weird thing like that And then the second one It would only last for about three days Because I don't think anybody could stand around him for that long Do not put it past Marty Mush At all

Oh, actually, that'd be really funny The man of mystery is You know what? He probably already has. Like, I wouldn't I wouldn't be surprised if Marty walked in here being like, oh, yeah, Megan Fox. Yeah, I fucked her at the Transformers premiere. Like, no big deal. I rat.

Yeah, I fucked that mother rat dog. That rat shitter. I fucked that rat shitter from who won an Oscar. I mean, Marty is he's got a lot of costanza slash kramer he's kind of like a whole amalgam of seinfeld characters all rolled into one and the girls that he pulls are so good looking and they're just and he's just now starting his barstool career like if he ends up doing something like with caleb and they end up on you know some red carpet like i could just again approximately it doesn't matter you get some of these guys in front of people but marty mush that would be incredible and he's he always talks about how he doesn't

talk on dates right he's like i don't really talk like there's no way that's true no i i think i i understand i think he obviously has to talk some but i think he limits his words and i think you become mysterious and i think you don't shoot yourself in the foot by saying anything dumb and i think girls are just like what is this what is going on right now i want i you know at this point i just have to believe that marty has a hammer i don't know and he knows what he's doing in bed i can't talk about that that's like it has to be that's the only logical explanation he's like my brother that i just like got a big fat don i can't understand i i literally want to i i think having one of those hidden camera dating shows for not just marty for

multiple people at barstool would be so much fun for people on the outside just because they're so interested in what a lot of people do here but i think it'd be the most fun for the employees to watch him to watch not just marty just in general like oh like we see these people in like the everyday blogging world but like marty much is pulling like 10 out of 10s how is this happening i want to watch i want to watch it he should be given like tutorials i think that he is he was like the commissioner of the whatever year of sex or something summer of sex like that all those like different relationships have just kind of died off in the new office because they're not all piled together or maybe they've not died off i just don't hear about it anymore because we it was right by the radio room the year of sex was

marty mush was like the commissioner of it marty mush yeah you know what i'm on the marty mush could date an a-list celebrity train that's the one i'm going with i am on that one robbie is a good if marty is here i want to get him in here and we'll see who he thinks he could pull and what would be his approach like the marty mush blueprint to how to pull an a-lister is uh is one that i think he probably surprisingly has like some actual he can weigh in on that i would imagine stan from staten island what's up hey what's up kfc um i just want to kind of pivot back to uh memorial day weekend a little bit yep i just kind of want to get how much shit did you get from like random people saying oh kfc ruined the parker house because you know they're closing the whole second floor.

I have. I've gotten that quite a bit. Unfortunately, a couple people on Twitter, a couple people privately. I don't know where I fall on this stand because part of me really part of me would love to believe that it's fair. I mean, but part of me would love to believe that I've got Enough sway that I mentioned this bar And it got so fucking popular it needed To like shut down half of its space But part of me also thinks There is it was just

A natural progression of people Who started to go to a very fun Bar but also then I the third part Of me thinks well why all of a sudden Like you know Parker House been around forever People have been partying at the shore forever. What is the difference that made it get like out of control? Are more people doing share houses?

Are more people just going there in general? I, you know, I'm not sure because that's, you know, it is the only other bar. It's the only bar that we really ever like pumped or I ever really talked about because it was my favorite bar that I've ever gone to. But I don't know. Captain Kahn's like I said, K Khan sent me this picture from Osprey, and Osprey, the line to get in there was absolutely insane. So it's probably more just the whole region than it is just the Parker House. But I also don't get – so it's getting so crowded, they cut off the upstairs, and like what, in the hopes of just like less people showing up?

Because now it just seems like you're giving yourself less space and it's going to be even more crazy. I don't really think it's your fault per se. I think social media combined with ride sharing apps, like the person that lives 20 minutes away that lives in Freeholder, Manal, they can just take a 20 minute Uber to the Parker house and that adds another third of people on top of it, too. Because I'm 29, and I had a shore house for me just 22 to 27, and I was in, like, the prime Parker House, KFC years, God's basement. Yeah. You definitely did see it the last couple of years

really kind of take off and take on a life of its own where a line to the beach would be commonplace. Yeah, I mean, you can't even enjoy it you think that you also do get a lot of unfair blame for it yeah i think social media like instagram parkhouse and then the the new york times and a fucking write-up on it yeah i think more so those things matter but like i said stan i would love to do a i'd love love to, you know, put that claim on my resume that I can drive like 2 jillion people to a bar. Hey, like advertisers and establishments like holler at me.

Would that be nice? It would be lovely. Marty Mush just joined the program. How are you? We're good, man. So the question came up, our girl Lindsay called in and said, who from Barstool do you think will be the first person to date a celebrity? And we said it has to be like an A-lister said a-lister and and i don't think anybody here really can i also

thought that if anything it would be a girl because like a guy who's an a-lister might still be like i want to have sex with that girl you know whereas girls might not i don't think will stoop down to our level but you are an international man of mystery you are a low level you are very kramer-esque you fall ass backwards into this ridiculous life you have been known to pull chicks who are high above your pay grade uh i you know and and maybe you would be a reasonable pick do you think would you bet on yourself do you have any experience in this field how would you approach it what would you do do you have any advice give me marty mush's thoughts on hooking up with a celebrity well first of all i'm what a hot streak i'm on are you it's unbelievable i really i don't know what's happening

this is why i need a hidden camera show with marty mush like what a hot streak like how are you on a hot streak i need my own double double shot at rat that's my name. Double rat of love. Double rat of love. No. No, but yeah, I think first of all, it's too hot out for sex anymore, by the way. It's too much. No, I'm with you on that. I mean, in general, sex is tough, especially when it's sticky and sweaty. It's not.

But yeah, I think I wouldn't know who the girl is, and I would just be doing my stupid shit and then realize like after the fact. Oh, shit. That would be the rom-com plot. Like, you know, this guy is such a dope that he doesn't realize he's dating. If you're not a Kardashian or Anna Kendrick, I don't know who you are. Well, so Anna Kendrick came up because she is an A-lister, but she is she's pretty cool. She really appreciates like humor.

I could see her not being like Anna Kendrick doesn't strike me as the type who's who's like i'm only going to date other famous people so i think it's kind of attainable and i do think that someone like yourself would she would be like i feel bad for this bastard let me just let me try and help him out kind of pitying you or i don't not even pity though i think that maybe if you're like it's such a departure from my regular life of like like a glitz and glam an a-list celebrity girl might just be like you know what i'm sick of these guys that are just constantly wanting to talk to me because of who i am yeah because even like i mean we are like z-listers like i don't even know if we're on the scale but i know that now when guys talk to me at bars i always in the back of my head are like you're only talking to

me because of course because i work at barstool and nine times out of ten the first question is always about one of you guys it's like oh kevin dave dan it's like okay you're only talking to me because of that if you're an a-list now you're like you appreciate it like when somebody's like hey can i buy you a drink and like they don't mention barstool at all it's great so i can imagine a-list celebrity girls that paparazzi is following them around they're like god i just want a departure from this like i just want to live a normal life. Marty Mush could be that normal life. Well, I don't know about normal. Well, a more normal person life than.

I hit different parts of your brain that you don't think about. Yeah. That's what these celebrities need to come down there and say, oh, man, I never thought about three in one shampoo. Like some shit like that. Do you think that they think all ponds are circles? Well, that's just a fact. That's just. I'm saying that i've never seen a square pond yeah idiots see square ponds okay we're not getting marty and i have gone back and forth on this forever they're he's convinced they're all perfect circles we don't have to get like this is not what we came on radio

on tuesday to talk about just saying that they're not i might i might be more on this weekend. I don't. I don't. The rat. And I was sitting. I was done. I was sweating like, you know, like basketball sweat. Like, yeah, like

you and dripping off your shit. Yeah. She went to the bathroom. I was so drunk, too. I was walking around looking. Where is this?

Like Long Island? No, I was in Hoboken. OK. And she just I just took like her dirty laundry and just all over my face. Just to wipe off the sweat.

I was like, I got to do something. I can't smell like a bastard when she comes in here. You are just. I mean, it wasn't her dirty laundry? I don't, well, I don't know actually. Like you didn't like take a shirt out of the drawer, did you? No, it was pitch black in there. It was gray.

I mean, you got to survive somehow. What is the post-sex situation like with Marty Mush? i can't i don't at least do you get out of there because i think they want you out yeah oh for sure yeah because imagine waking up to me with my chapped lips like oh yo everyone's faces went gross have you you you always get up and go um but have you had like breakfast the next morning and stuff? No, I've never, I don't think I've actually ever had breakfast with the girl. Have you ever stuck around? You always get out.

I always get out because one, there's really nothing. What am I going to do? I have to be uncomfortable and sleep in her like small bed. Yeah. And then it's hot. And if I have to go to the bathroom, I need to go to the bathroom. Sometimes you're drunk enough that you just pass out, though, no? No.

I'm very much, I love away games, but I like leaving away games. I never do home games. Never get greedy and think about the morning sex, maybe? Sober. Then my thing about that, you're sober. Once you, like, after you bang her sober, you have to, like, now I have to text her. You know what I mean? I have to text her. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like, I feel bad if I don't. If I was drunk, I was like, hey, I have no idea what happened. Yeah, yeah, you can always lean on that, whether it's true or not. You can be like, oh, that was just a drunk thing. Exactly. Sober sex is like, all right, now we're like. I deserve it. You deserve a text.

It's like, it's tough. At this point, how much would you say like was the hoboken deal because of barstool or was it just um i think a lot of much effect still so i don't know it's been really weird it's like some some girls have no idea like who i am exactly and that still works though yeah it somehow still works but most of it's like people are taking like guys are taking pictures yeah and then girls like who's that who's that or it's like pictures is always a great yeah all they say is who are you like why are you doing yeah yeah and you downplay it you play humble about it yeah don't worry about it hun i'm nobody don't look at your instagram but yeah i just uh sunday i was

that poor girl woke up and like looked at her Like shirt And was probably like That stinks of shit Yeah It's always an experience That's always some story with me But I'm always Marty one day You're gonna fuck some girl

And she's gonna be like You rat dog You I can't wait You dog this shit out of me And you're gonna be like Marry me Yep I know

I'm gonna literally marry her Right away Yeah like here's the ring The first girl Calls you a rat dog Yeah Or she has her own version of it you know what i mean she has like her own language you use yours and she hits you back with her own lingo and you're like oh my god this is the one yeah i don't really care if anyone like the girl knows me from barstool i'm just curious that if it was taking a fight i don't think i wanted my girlfriend like of actual

girl i like knowing like everything about me like that. Wow. I mean, the problem is, Mush, at this point, there's no way to stop it. Don't separate it. I don't give a rat's ass. Yeah, you mother's ass. My mind just is whatever I want. Are you doing any, like, share house for the summer or anything?

You just stay on the island. No, I have a friend that does live in Manasquam. So you just mooch. So I'm a mooch. You're the guy who shows up. I brought a case of beer. That's enough. I can take up a whole bed and use all the guy who shows up, well, I brought a case of beer. That's enough. I can take up a whole bed

and use all your toilet paper for a weekend, but I brought a case of beer. Oh, no, no. What's the rum you drink? Blackheart. Yeah, that's what he shows up. I show up to my place

with a Blackheart. I'll fucking spit on you. He doesn't even... The level of disrespect. He won't buy his friends drinks at bars. I know. Well, there's no reason to.

There really is. Why do I have to buy you one? Seriously. Because they bought you one. Did they? I think so. If they did me one drink and I have to buy you one? Seriously. Because they bought you one. Did they? I think so. If they did make one drink, I have to buy you.

And it's like, it's just a whole process. It's like owing the text. I'm going to leave. So I don't have to text you. Don't buy me a drink because I don't have to buy you one. Exactly.

Stupid rules that no one writes down. It's insane. Society. Oh, we should start writing down the Marty Bush rules. Get to work on them. That's good. We're hitting our break.

It's halftime here. When we come back on CCK, we're talking noogies in the workplace it's a slow summer day people aren't around i'm made up like the the noogie was like the most we have i swear to god about that by the way yeah because that that should be the real story here you want to talk about internal barstool drama i don't i i think i would have quit first of, last week on Thursday, we had YP on this very program. You had YP on the rundown all last week, even the week before. And we said, every single person that has talked to him,

has said, you are eventually going to have to choose your allegiance. A moment will occur. Where you have to either be more Team Portnoy than a Blues fan, or more of a Blues fan than Team Portnoy. You're not going to have to stop being one of them. You're going to have to choose which one means more to you.

And he could not wrap his head around that on thursday on radio he was like he no he could wrap his head around but he just said it's not that's not gonna happen well he said he was not gonna occur dave's a just ruler like you're you are insane every single person who has dealt with dave in some sort of like form or fashion with this knows you're gonna have to do it that moment came yesterday i don't know exactly what the rate i know that he was like giving yp shit on twitter even last week so just to be clear people don't know last night at the game uh dave yp riggs they're all sitting in the nosebleeds they get on the jumbotron now the way it was so dave is to riggs's left and the camera is to riggs's right so he turns to like the camera is to Riggs is right. So he turns to like the camera where the jumbotron is and he's shown his shirt and he effectively turns his back to Dave.

Bad move. Dave puts Riggs in a headlock and starts no game with the Dave face. Like the Dave, when Dave takes like Ramsey Bolton pleasure in like making fun of people and torturing people, that's the face that came out and he starts no game him. Now then that now this is where gaz comes in he stirs the pot because in in a vacuum right there that is just dave

dummying riggs like riggs just got body he just got noogied grown man getting noogied but gaz comes in and stirs the pot and says where was yp to defend him he didn't step in and do anything and now all of a sudden it's both of them now i will say there's also dissension amongst the blues crew because riggs automatically tweeted you know yp did nothing to stop it because he doesn't want to take this bull at all on his own yep i mean if you get no heed that's you know in a vacuum that's on you to now rope in yp it's just collateral damage my first question when i walked into the office today was people were talking about it as what was yp technically supposed to do yeah because

like everyone talked about how nate noogie dave we all saw how that turned out i wasn't even working here and i know that was he supposed to like him in the headlock no i mean you just don't do that especially because if it was in the office i think it's a little bit different too because it's in our controlled environment you're on the jumbotron at td garden like can you imagine what would happen to yp if everybody in boston saw him attack basically attack dave like you can't do that and it has nothing in my opinion it has nothing to do with him being less of a blues fan more team porno it's like well that's still your boss i know you know this is this is the problem what are we gonna do when you go head to head with dave in these things you always have a line that you have that in your mind

you're like i shouldn't cross that line dave has no lines so like but you have to you have to prepare accordingly for the line to be crossed and be ready to to bounce right back so like like dave is so good on his feet with this shit like i don't think he was saying himself we get on the jumbotron i'm gonna know you this That was, you could see it was just a genuine, like he was surprised. And then his immediate reaction is, I'm going to bully this kid and noogie him. He's natural.

Riggs has to be sitting there. When you go head to head with Dave on these things, when there's cameras rolling, you have to have a battle plan. You have to be prepared. I said, if I was, they were drinking beers, I would have my drinking beer and I would have a beer on the side

that would be ready for Dave Portnoy and the Jumbotron like if you're gonna noogie me i would dump my beer on your head like all's fair and love is war and i'm not gonna i'm not gonna dump it on you first i'm not gonna throw the first punch you just have it right because you are still my boss but then once you cross your line i am i am returning fire in kind and and then it's okay yeah but that's also there are certain people that would do that stuff to dave there are certain people that wouldn't yp is not somebody i don't care like how degrading it's like so you talk about ramsay bolton i wrote a blog whenever tommy did his big game of thrones blog i wrote a blog because tommy and i have our forever rivalry even though we're like technically low-key best friends it's fine um and i i explained how dave and tommy are ramsey and reek when i talked to dave about it

dave didn't even understand he was like no there's no way that i'm ramsey and reek with tommy but i started giving him all these examples and he was like oh shit i kind of am but what's usually the difference maker is that tommy is willingly engaging not willingly like i don't think oh no he's willingly engaging he is consensensually doing. I think Tommy would probably prefer a different life where he's not getting like face fucked by Dave on camera. Like pushing his float in Vegas. Like, like literally, I would take gifts from Game of Thrones and put the gifts of Tommy and Dave next to it. I'm like, no, they match up perfect. What are we doing here?

He's still at the end of the day is like, I'm doing this for the camera. I'm doing this for my job standing. Whereas Riggs just got like attacked. But Riggs would fight back. That for the camera. I'm doing this for my job standing. Whereas Riggs just got like attacked. But Riggs would fight back. That's the difference. Like, like Dave went into his like Ramsey Bolton, like look on his face,

which you're so right. He does have that. He doesn't even realize he has it. Riggs would have fought back. Had he known it was gonna happen. The YP is apparently claiming he didn't know it was happening. It's like, bro,

you were looking right at the jumbotron for the entire. Well, he said he was, he was showing off his t-shirts and trying to sell merch. Cause that's what this company is based on, which is an attempt at a spin zone. But Jared joins the program. Hi, Jared. The Rockets back to starting nine. You once blasted hubs in the face with a fucking fire hose.

What? I didn't do that, Kevin. That was the grounds crew. The grounds crew did it, which was, I think, previously the most degrading thing that's happened. I think that the noogie is worse. Because, again, Hubs actually, while it was a bad idea, and I think Hubs was like, yeah, I'll do this for content, not understanding how bad it was going to look.

But he was like, yeah, I lost the bet. You can do it. I don't even think that was the worst part. The hose was bad, but I made him hand me the number of Red Sox wins and the number of Yankee losses. That was a tough look. But, again, that him hand me the number of Red Sox wins. It was tough. That was a tough look. But again, that was all in the name of content. Yeah. Whereas like Dave just took it upon himself.

I mean, yeah, he got and Riggs is right where he was like, you know, this is a sucker punch. This is like getting stabbed in the back. I think it's not like we squared up, but I don't know. It's it's just it's then that's all true. But it's those that's a tough break. It is. I think it would have been more of a statement if he did it to YP, because YP genuinely loves and is obsessed with the Blues.

I feel like Riggs couldn't give a fuck less. He's just going to win. No, he does. He definitely does. Riggs is a fan, but YP has this thing now. If YP is a 10 on the fan scale, I think like Riggs has to be like a five at most. Because YP has this personal investment now with Boris. And he's like the fan, the super fan. People think he's a super fan more than they know he's from Barstool.

Barstool, right. And that's what I told him. I was like, right now you are a symbol for the Blues. Like people probably don't even know about Barstool who know you. You got to rep the Blues. But, I mean, if that's's you if you're riggs all right who do you think's to blame here because we were just saying gaz came in and stirred his pot and roped yp into it by saying you know why didn't you stop it but like what is what yeah what's that's what i said choke him out yeah well we were saying too and you obviously know this from being like boston

and can you imagine if yp would have like physically assaulted dave on the jumbotron at tv garden in in boston in a boston at a boston boston sporting event an outsider assaults el prez yeah because in the office it's different it's controlled it's stool scenes it's funny but like you're inside the garden now granted most people who would know dave would understand yp and all that shit but yeah i mean you are behind enemy lines. You're outnumbered like two to like 15,000. Uh, it's your boss.

You know, it sucks when one person has no line and you are like kind of playing by the rules and you could just get like blown up, you know what I mean? Even when we did the battle rap, I remember there were things was like, all right, I'm not going to say that.

And then he said, whatever the fuck you want to do that. At the end of the day, you still have to tow the line with your boss. But when it comes at the cost of like a noogie on camera uh it's i think he handled it perfectly riggs did no why p by letting it happen because i think he had the perfect he he did try to get his shirt on the jumbotron it's like he did try to do like yeah like i would have saved you but i was trying to sling some merch which is funny because like how would you have saved but it's

like yeah you can play that card yeah i mean it would have been really funny if he just jumped right on top of david if it was a double noogie it would be hilarious see i said i said you can't do it dave is a master of this shit he just on off the cuff like grabbed him and had and noogied him yeah it just happened right but you have to know that dave had that in the back i don't think so he definitely did i think i don't think so quick i way too quick the way his his face snaps i mean i'd be interested to hear from him because i i don't know if they knew they were gonna get on the jumbotron and i feel like maybe at some point he was like i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna know you this guy or something like that like throughout this series like at some point i'm gonna try to

physically emasculate him i think it was kind of a snap thing i you i think you have to be prepared for dave at all times i i just told casey i would have a second beer like sitting next to me that would be like if he crosses some sort of line i'm gonna dump my beer on him yeah like imagine if you're getting no you need to reach over and you dump it on him like all right i i'm not gonna cross that line because you're my boss but once you do it's on i guess if dave fires the first shot then you have to yeah like what do you expect i mean if if you you have to prepare you have to prepare for battle riggs was not he was not prepared i mean he he was shocked and he did like the like we're number one look at my shirt sort of thing and whereas dave is like his brain immediately whether it's

prepared or not i think it was natural off the cuff you think it was prepared either way he's saying if i get a public yeah moment i want to use it to embarrass blues fans yeah yeah yeah i don't think it was prepared in the sense that he said hey riggs if we get on the no no i'm gonna noogie the shit out of you but he i think he knew if we're getting on someone's getting a no yeah and it really was the perfect storm because the camera was so right so that's why so if it was to dave's left it why tables would have been turned yeah yeah yeah i guess it would have been and that would have been because dave knows where the camera is that would have been even better if it was yp because we wouldn't have to take it like yp wouldn't even like flopped

around riggs would have probably joined like yes boss love you boss anything you need boss i mean riggs is like flailing around like yp would have just taken it and Riggs would have just sat there and drank his beer. By the way, like this series is over. That's it. I'm not I'm not there yet. No, but like it's over. It's like when Aaron Rodgers couldn't finish his fucking beer, the Bucks were done. Yeah. As soon as Aaron Rodgers couldn't chug that beer, Milwaukee was losing. It sounds ridiculous. But like Dave no getting Riggs ended that series because in this world, Dave Portnoy has either a sold his soul or B he is the devil himself and collects other people's souls.

And the, think about it. Think about the stars aligning on this one. The St. Louis blues are in the Stanley cup for the first time in like 50, 49 years. Okay. Have they ever,

they've never won it. Have they ever even been in it? This is a they've never won a 49 game yeah they never won a Stanley Cup it's been 49 years they even had the chance I believe it's 49 years now all of a sudden they are in it already being already ridiculous that that team makes it and we have a couple St. Louis representatives yeah also the the new version of Barstool radio is with riggs so now he has his co-host the host of barstool radio his new you know sparring partner punching bag arguing back and forth guy now he is going head to head with him in the finals like that that kind of shit the stars aligning on that one you know if riggs was still just the foreplay guy he would still be on video

and shit but the fact that it's like this is now a they're on barstool radio together and it makes perfect sense i don't even think of it that way the stars always align for dave and the content and so now game one dave you know uh yp we told yp you will find a moment where you come to a crossroads where it's team portnoy versus uh the blues fandom and at that point you're gonna have to decide and that's gonna be a very pivotal moment for this whole piece of content it happened game one immediately in the most dramatic form ever in the form of a noogie on the jumbotron and he had his moment like the storylines just they don't this is not just by chance this is written in stone this is written in the stars and the series is absolutely well

it's like we talked about it might be a sweep we talked about it after the super bowl like this i mean obviously the patriots just went all the time it was kind of an anticlimactic even when they lost and smitty like it turned into the shower thing and the rough and rowdy thing and dave still ends up clowning him even when he loses it comes up page views but that's what i when i saw that happen last night and then of course like the yp angle because for the last two weeks yp has been so adamant that he's not gonna have to make an allegiance one way or the other which everybody knew he was stupid as soon as that happened it's like this is can you imagine what radio is gonna be like today i can't wait to listen and they don't have a game tonight so they're just gonna scream at each other it's like well coming up four o'clock

today like you might fight over in the mix who like fights is is is a he's not like dave he doesn't handle the the boston reign of terror the way dave does but he does it in his own fight alberg way where it's very almost more infuriating infuriating in a way oh yeah he's just like quiet confidence maniacally yeah games and he really does know his shit like i was talking to my brother about it earlier it's like he's always proclaimed winners like he you know he's like the bruins like they're gonna win the cup like he knew when earlier. It's like, he's always proclaimed winners. Like he, you know, he's like the Bruins, like they're going to win the cup. Like he knew when they had a cup contender,

he's always known when the Patriots are like, like even when they're looking bad in the early season, he'll be like, no, this team's going to win. And like the year they lost to the Eagles, he really wasn't that, that like cocky.

He, it really is. He was pretty cocky that first game. That video is still one of my, we're talking about fights. His video from the opener against the chiefs is still one of my, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's just lecturing everybody at Foxborough,

but they, they, it's just these things. This is how it's going to go for Boston. Justin, what do you got on Dave's luck? Dude. Yeah. So I'm sitting there and I was seeing his stuff last night. Like they're up in the upper deck. Cause he's like trolling,

trying to be the average hockey guy and all that shit and everything always just seems to work out perfect for that motherfucker like they put the camera on him everyone in boston realizes it's him and then all of a sudden he's rigged and this shit just always seems to happen at every event like he goes dead legs and that's when he gets carried out at the nfl thing He just gets so perfect with all this stuff And I swear he doesn't plan it Something is not right Here's the thing He has sold his soul

In one regard it's written In the stars In the other regard It's luck because all of this shit Breaks his way But it's a talent it's not a talent it is it's a talent the what what he does like the super bowl was a moment it's you need the material to work with though but once you have that material it's like it's like you i i gave him

the the world the universe has gifted him this mound of clay, and he makes a Michelangelo the David out of it. It definitely takes the talent to do what he's done with it. When he was being arrested, basically, when he had the whole world thinking he was arrested at the Super Bowl. He was arrested. He wasn't in jail. He was sitting at a hotel bar watching it. He was in jail.

Frankie went down there. They let him out before the end of the game. Right. But to allow the world to believe believe that and to to go dead legs to weave this web of like i've been wrongly arrested while i'm just still watching the game and letting it all unfold it was a master class in blogging blogging it used to be like are you a good writer and now it's like can you create reality tv scripted plot lines right and he can do it with reality yes taking reality making it not reality but it's still reality yes you it's like that's a talent man he's acting

and the and the supporting cast has no idea that they're exactly it's very uh what was that movie uh it's kind of truman show-esque it's very ever see the movie was a wow there's Bowfinger or some shit where these guys are filming a movie that looks like a reality show and nobody else even knows they're a part of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's him and his cameraman and you don't realize it, but you are the best supporting actor. Yeah. And he does it better than anyone else. He can do it like on a whim. And if you're not, like, that's what I said, I would go into it thinking every possible angle.

What if we get on the Jumbotron? What if we get called down to do a puck drop? What if we have to do an interview on the glass in between periods? What if, what if, what if? What if we get called down to do the halftime or in between intermission, like shoot the puck for a million dollars? How can Dave embarrass me? What is he going to do to me?

And I have to have my own responses. You have to have all of that mapped out. And I don't think they had any of it. They didn't have anything mapped out. Why were they sitting so far up? Yeah. I don't know if that was for effect or if. I'm sure it's not just super easy to get tickets.

He's rich. A million dollars. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, if you have to sit all of those people together, like if Dave wanted to go sit by himself, maybe, but if for content, he's not going to be buying like five tickets for that. I don't think he could.

I mean. How much are you going to, I mean, say they're fucking $2,000 each. They'll drop 10 grand in a heartbeat. Yeah. But I think it is kind of funnier when you're in the nosebleeds. I mean, their backs were against the wall. We're world serious. We were fucking five rows from the field for the clincher. John from Philly.

What do you got on Noogie Yates? Hey, so I've been driving for the past five hours. I've been thinking a lot about this just because like the way rig responded to the noogie by well the hat got pushed down that wasn't his fault but his arms went up and started flailing and it looked so much worse than it could have been and i was thinking just like in damage control in that situation i don't know if it's the right thing to do but i feel you almost have to like flip off the camera and just say get it off of me as fast as possible i feel like that backlash i feel like that backlash might be shorter live than this because just the content the video of

his arms flailing it's really tough to watch he's like the uh the fucking car wash man you know it's tough man because it it was it was a sneak attack it is it was a cheap shot it was a blindsided attack and i don't know what you're supposed to do i mean i can't think of what i would do other than like i said if i had a beer ready i would like have splashed it on him other than that what do you do if someone if if you didn't realize i was gonna do it i just put you in a tough headlock like as hard as i could even if you get out of it for the split second you're on camera you're gonna be flailing you're gonna be like so you can't like smoothly get out of a headlock you know in a matter of split seconds uh you can't like even punch them with your your arms are you know stuck because

of the headlock i feel like if you're rigs in that moment if you didn't see it coming you're not gonna react to it you're like, you almost have to let it happen. Yeah. I mean, even rigs to a degree, it's like, you know, you have to know that Dave is Dave and he's the boss.

And if he wants to give you a noogie, you have to sell. It's like, yeah, it's like wrestling. See what I, what I think I would have done. And I even think his,

his tweet afterwards, like basically throwing YP under the bus. I think you gotta be like, you know, El Prez won. Like, me and YP, zero. Like, but the next one's ours. You know what I mean? Like, you just won game one with the Noogie, but now they have to come up with something. Right.

Because there is nothing in the moment to stop the Noogie-ing. You just have to respond in kind with your own Noogie. Right. But the effect is Riggs flailing around. Like you have to sell the moment. Like if he's just sitting there letting it happen and it's like, well, this is weird. But see, that's what's also not fun is like, I would love to say, like, I actually really do the way that hubs like did all that for content while utterly demeaning was like it

was for content. I appreciate anybody who's self-deprecating enough to to uh let that happen for content the problem is it made him though like it like hubs hubs got elevated so much even the dunce stuff too that was all like uh very very uh he got put on so many humiliating but it radars just from like getting drugged through the mud but i would love and i would love to think that if you're on camera like the problem is and i don't i don't know if people realize this or not it's not like after that happened that dave like leans over to rigs and he's like yeah like good stuff that's gonna get a lot of views yeah like it's it's it's real it's like you know i just clowned you i'm better than you and you suck and so on some level we're doing this for

content and for jokes and for money and for fame and for happiness and whatever. But on some level, it is definitely like a personal, manly, macho shit. There's part of it. I mean, Dave doesn't break kayfabe. That's why it's good, though. Yeah. Like, it's not. But I don't even think it's kayfabe. I think it's just real.

Dave said when we had blogger school, one of the things that he said was he threw me a compliment. He's like, I like when people can't tell if it's real or it's fake. Yes. Cause I don't break K-fabe. I do. So I do on this show. Sometimes outside of here.

Never know. Never. It's the rocket all day. Every time I meet people and there's no cameras around. That's right. Fuck. Yeah. Like you're,

you're getting, you're getting experience. Yeah. But it's also different when it's like you just being whatever you are to the fans versus like, if you were, if you were to the fans versus like, if you were, if you were to like the phone call move that Dave keeps pulling, like he never at the end of it is like,

no, that was funny. Right. No, it ruins it. It ruins the effect. He drills it. And you would think that like on some level,

maybe like, I mean, Dave, I've been working with him for 10 years now that maybe even he and I would have a moment of like, you know, it was good or whatever. You guys ever hugged before?

Never. No, never. There's never, there's never been anything like that. And that might be more of a testament to like me and his relationship. But I also don't, I don't think he would do with anybody,

maybe like gas, maybe like in, in behind closed doors, he would mention something to gas. You'd hug me. I can't, I mean, I can't ever picture that,

but the, the, the Christmas, the commitment to the content. I don't want to see the character because I do think it's just him now, but the commitment to the content is insane where it's like even, even giving up a shred of it behind closed doors to someone who works here. Yeah.

It'll ruin it even a little bit. So I'm not going to do it. Like, let's say, let's say Dave just someday like 10 years from now and they want to do like a documentary on his legacy and they pull all of us together

no it would be one of those documentaries where it's just like the story told through the people that he was closest with he wouldn't even get interviewed for it the story told through us a lot of us would just be so fucking confused yeah what just happened like what uh we would try to explain dave to people that like you know a lot of people that consume the content come on they're like what's he really like no that's i don't know and that it almost it almost makes me feel stupid because i'm like i'm

just a pawn too i'm just the same as the schmuck watching at home i don't fucking know man yeah i'm as in the dark as you are. I wish there was I wish it was like, yeah, no, Vince McMahon, we sat down and went through the scripts and this is the character we built or whatever. You know when he tips his hand? When? His eyes. There's been moments that I've had with him

where I'll call him on something and be like, is this real or not? And then he'll say one thing, but he for some reason, like in his eyes What does he do with his eyes you've seen it too kevin he's like he squints and he smirks like he'll give you i was gonna say you can see his brains a little bit in his in a pretzel but he's not gonna say it i wouldn't i wouldn't have said it's his eyes i think it's usually a smirk of some sort when you really got it yeah he kind of goes he does like a shrug and like a smirk i don't know what you're talking about there was a video that he tried to get frankie to bury from college football season because i just totally roasted him on a take and he did

the eyes and the smile and he was like frankie i'm gonna need that uh to get out of here and i was like oh really i was like i've got people here too and guess what i got tweeted real quick but he as soon as i mean it's like all right frankie burn that tape it's very rare though frankie was like i'm gonna have to burn soon as I was like, all right, Frankie, burn that tape. It's very rare though. Frankie was like, I'm going to have to burn the tape. I was like over my fucking dead body. You're going to burn this tape. This is North Korea.

I mean, like this is the, this is what he does. What's tough is, you know, like YP is so emotionally invested in the blues that it's tough to also be on guard in blog world. Like he's just part of him is like the, like the little boy hockey fan on the inside. It was like, I can't believe it. Like my blues are in the final. And even he was like, he was, I knew, I knew we were in trouble when he was like excited that Dave was going to be in St. Louis with, with, you know, in his mind, it was an accomplishment. Like we, I put the, the blues fandom of Barstool sports I put on the map and now I'm bringing the whole company to my town to show them. And that's what I was like, well,

you're, you're not, this is your enemy. Like this is your enemy for the next two weeks. Dave responded and was like, no, I'm bringing, I'm bringing you that. That's and I know, you know, on some level it's like, come on, dude. He meant like, you know, he's pumped that Barstool was going to be in his hometown for this show but you have to realize that it ain't like that for dave it ain't a game it's not a fucking game no you know it's like the noogie was not a game i mean that was not a game not a game i really do i i can i compare it to the aaron rogers chugging the beer

like the bruins are going to win the stanley cup it might as well be as soon as aaron rogers anyway yeah but like dave and them get involved and it's definite and then there's this noogie and then it's just absolute it's like the white the noogie curse by the way Marty mush this is going under the radar Marty mush just got like he his curse is worse than Drake's did you see all

that happen no he took the bucks in game six and I was like well it's either gonna be you or it's gonna be Drake is wrong and Marty but it's just one game that's not a curse well he well, it's either going to be you or it's going to be Drake is wrong. And Marty, but it's just one game. That's not a curse. Well, he,

yeah, but it, I mean, the Drake curse, the Drake curse took over. Did you see the video from last October where he said, uh, it was before the 16 to one Red Sox Yankees game where he was like, I've never been more confident in the Yankees than tonight.

Like you got to take the Yankees. And I was like, no, I mean, he is stronger than the Yankees than tonight. Like you got to take the Yankees. And I was like, no, I mean, he is stronger than the Drake curse. That's, that's what his, I don't know.

That's bold claims. I mean, Marty tweeted it. He was like, I, I have now mushed myself harder than the Drake curse. Let's take one call here before the break. Cause I'm,

we got to talk about drink. I got, I got, I'm, I'm interested to hear what you guys think on him. Mike from Jersey. What do you got on baby hockey? So Dave has that Bruins jacket that he always wears all the time,

and he says it's his lucky charm. And YP has been going to the games wearing the same thing all the time. I think you guys got to figure out a way to get that jacket ruined or something with Dave. Yeah, I mean, that's what you gotta do now this is exactly what you have to do Mike is right you gotta start thinking of the angles you gotta start thinking of what can you do

that's gonna hurt Dave because you know a noogie is now gonna be on Riggs' resume forever you gotta respond and do something that you know I don't know fuck with his pizza review fuck with his lucky jacket you know I wouldn't even wanna do that like you kinda just have don't know, fuck with his pizza review, fuck with his lucky jacket, you know. I wouldn't even want to do that. Like, you kind of just have to

like the noogie to me, it was monumental because of the way that the game unfolded from there. But if you retaliate, you're only going to make Dave's strikes worse. You're just throwing gas on the fire. Yeah, you're almost just like, let him operate at a one speed. Don't

let him kick up to five. But then you're just rolling over and dying you're just you got it you're just you have to be smart about it but you're hunkering down you're not gonna try anything there's a storm coming you're just gonna get in the basement and hope for i mean i personally know that if if i like i'm not i'm not the type like i can't i'm not gonna like script something you know i mean i can't come up with some plot. I'm going to be hopefully prepared. Like I said, I'm going to go through every fucking scenario, but I also don't think you can just roll over and die. I don't think it's a rollover and die situation.

I just think it's a protect yourself and hope for the best. I mean, that's different. That's waving the white flag. That's just like, I mean, if that's just like you laid down and curled up in a ball, like a category five hurricane,

that's just like coming through. So you think he's just unbeatable? Yeah, you might not be wrong bro speaking of juice oj uh oh my god this this statement from oj did you yeah you probably haven't seen this at all right okay this will be great this will be great to just get jared's like blind reaction so this is from tmz yeah um or page six sorry okay my uh my alumni uh so oj simpson bragged that he had a steamy sex affair with chris kardashian chris jenner the mother you know the mother yeah you know he's definitely his kid right so i'm proud of you for even knowing that's a conspiracy theory jared yeah so that was his that was his lawyer's wife. Yep. Right.

Yep. Simpson said that him and his then wife, Nicole, Robert, and Chris were all in a jacuzzi one night while vacationing together. This has come, this is from a new documentary called who killed Nicole, Nicole and Robert turned in leaving OJ and Chris in the hot tub already like super weird. You go on a couple's like trip yeah and you you start swinging like that like everybody's fucking everybody yeah right anyway so they're they're in the hot tub alone and oj stood up pulled down his shorts and the guy this is the guy telling the story so i'll

give you exactly what he said quote this is oj talking her eyes bugged out of her head and i fucked that bitch until i broke her hell yeah i certainly believe it but chris jenner has said in the past that has never happened of course well yeah but i mean at the same time like oj simpson's not a great guy can't you see him making this up no i mean her daughter looks like oj simpson well he also said you know it's one of those things where it's like yeah is oj simpson trustworthy uh no i guess i suppose no but can you believe sometimes you know we're talking about seedy like distasteful things and in that case a murderer is probably the most believable guy in the building yeah he's probably the only

guy telling the truth um uh he's not telling the truth here wow oh by the way so like you know he said I fucked you till I broke her literally he said that I had to take her to the hospital two or three in the morning she came into OJ's room and said can you take me to the hospital and he said no make Rob do it no have Rob do it have your husband do that I only fucked you till you broke you what a class act

OJ Simpson is god damn what a day this was that's it for us. All right, we're back. Hour number two here on CCK. We're now joined by Paige Baranek. She's in Pound. How are you?

I'm good. I think this is actually the first time we've ever met in person. Or no, we met before. No, she came on radio. We met before. I was on radio with you. Yeah. Oh, wow. No, I never know.

Not normal at all. I never know because we meet so many people through Twitter and the internet and stuff, and I never know. I'm like, are we real friends yet, or are we just internet friends yet? I thought we were both, but I guess I never know. I'm like, are we real friends yet? Or are we just internet friends? So now we were both, but no, no, no. If it page,

if you want to be friends with me, we could be friends. Okay. That's fine with me. That's fine with me. I see right in the middle of the McHenry fight with her. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

But he was sitting there with his fidget spinner and I was like getting distracted cause he was just like, the fidget spinner phrase got me good, man. Yeah, no, that took over for a long time. Yeah. I was, I was in getting distracted because he was just like doing it the whole time. The fidget spinner phrase got me good, man. Yeah, no, that took over for a long time. Yeah. I was in deep. You can do like the double ones.

Oh, man, I was flying. I had all sorts of toys out at that point. Yeah, no, we've been to battle before. We've been in the mud, but I don't know. It sounds like you guys were out last night and I wasn't a part of that, so. Sorry. Yeah, what was that? Well, sorry.

I don't know. I have nothing to say. Well, no, because actually yesterday is the first time that Paige and I met in person, even though we like totally girl crush all of each other on Instagram. Right. That's what I mean. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, I guess technically you could have been invited since it was first

time. Well, I would have liked to seen the the Carrabba's food experiment that Paige conducted. It was it was a lot. It was a lot. You are so dramatic. It was a lot. Like, I don't I don't venture out very often in terms of food chicken fingers and french fries and steak so this all started because he was like

i've never had an avocado before and i'm like that's shocking to me like how have you never tried an avocado and he's like well i've never tried a tomato or like any of these other vegetables and i was like well we're gonna fix that so So last night we got Brussels sprouts, which he liked. Yeah, I like Brussels sprouts. Tomato, which he did not like. I would rather. This is like Frank the Tank stuff. When he ate the hummus and almost puked.

He never had a strawberry. I think tomatoes is the weirdest of all. A tomato? Like who the fuck is just like eating tomatoes? Everyone. No, everyone. It comes on like every burger. Yeah, burgers. You have a salad you have sandwiches

he loves pizza you know have you never had like an italian combo sandwich where it's like all the lunch meats and all like lettuce tomato oil and vinegar like yeah take it out but like you understand that it's like it's a very common thing no you like everything that is made with tomatoes i like yeah like i like pizza i like you know marinara sauce you like ketchup You like everything that is made with tomatoes. Yeah, I like pizza. I like, you know, marinara sauce. You like ketchup. You like everything that's made with tomatoes. Yeah, I just don't like tomatoes. I love tomatoes.

I do too. I could eat a tomato like an apple. Me too. I could bite into a big tomato. That's kind of like saying, you know, you love Paul McCartney, but you're not a big Beatles guy. Shut up. So you sit down, and this is where i'm almost i'm laughing at you because i mean there's i think there's a very short list of people who get you to eat an avocado or tomato

brussels sprouts and and whatever the fuck it was so i had to treat him like a child and so we were doing little games like i was doing airplanes getting and i have it all on i recorded the whole thing and then we did roller coaster and then for brussel sprouts I was like you know they look like little lettuce heads like you're a giant

just imagine you're eating like small little things and cause he likes broccoli and I was like oh broccoli's like little trees like don't give me

this shit about tomatoes and what not if you're eating broccoli no I fucking love broccoli I know so it's like that's the point like if you yeah but like broccoli

tastes good I mean no it doesn't yes it Yeah, but like broccoli tastes good. I mean, no, it doesn't. Yes, it does. With cheese, it tastes very good. I mean, you could give me like a plate of pennies if you melt cheese on it. It would taste good. I'll eat anything if cheese is melted on it. I guess.

But like if you, I could understand, again, like Frank the Tank eats nothing healthy at all. Yeah. So when he had anything green or hummus, he like started to vomit. Yeah. If you dabble with broccoli. Oh, I fought back like some nausea with the tomato kevin he have you seen the videos of the babies when they eat a lemon for the first time and they

are so dramatic he not only looked like that he put his head down on the table as if he was about to throw up and page cut this tomato like what like maybe the size of like the small part of your pinky like it was maybe this big we cut out like the center too so it of like the small part of your pinky. Like it was maybe this big. We cut out like the center too. So it was just the bottom part of it. It wasn't even the seats. No. Here's what happened, Kevin. It's two against one here.

This is just you and I talking now. Yeah, you're shit out of luck. Well, three are our waitress too. Our waitress was mind blown. I made them like get a new dish when we were doing like the strawberry. I was like, whatever touched that tomato is not going into my bowl. And she's looking at Paige and I like, what the fuck is going on at this dinner? The bartender was like, how old are you?

He asked me how old I was because I said I had never had a strawberry before. Which, by the way, I like the strawberry. It was very good. Wouldn't have again. Shocker. A strawberry was good. I was like, I've prepared for this. I've had strawberry ice cream.

And they taste very similar. He was so nervous. And all of a sudden he put it in his mouth. And he was like, I've prepared for this. Like, I've had strawberry ice cream, and they taste very similar. He was so nervous, and all of a sudden he, like, put it in his mouth, and he was like, ooh. Like, a huge smile on his face. He's like, this is delicious. Yeah, I love strawberries. Was the tomato, was it the texture that was the problem? No, it's like, so even if I have, like, pasta. We took that part out.

Yeah. If I have, like, pasta or raviolis or whatever, I will scrape, like, the sauce off. Like, I just, like, the hint of it, I'm not trying to get overwhelmed by it. I'm with you. I will scrape like the sauce off. Like I just like, like the hint of it. I'm not trying to get overwhelmed by it. And I'm with you. I don't like marinara sauce. Yeah. And like fucking eating the tomato felt like I just like fucking took like a

spoon of pasta sauce. It was like, Oh yeah, this is great. Like I would never, I wish you guys could see his face right now. He's like disgusted by this. I would never in a million years have a tomato ever again. I don't care who's choo-chooing that shit into my mouth. It's not happening.

Never. I'll try something else. If Paige wants a choo-choo right now, you're choo-chooing. Yeah. Yeah. I think we're all choo-chooing. The persuasion of a pretty girl. She'll get you to eat anything. I mean, I... She'll pick trash out of that can right now.

Okay, let's eat it. I had never had either of those things last night. I thought just the Brussels sprouts, I was like, alright, I can do this. This is fine. But you understand it's pretty backwards. I think Brussels sprouts are gross. Brussels sprouts is kind of the highest.

We thought he was going to hate the Brussels sprouts. I think Brussels sprouts is like the cliche eat your Brussels sprouts. kind of the highest. We thought he was going to hate the Brussels sprouts. I think Brussels sprouts is like the cliche, like eat your Brussels sprouts. Like they're gross. Not to be fair, these were also like flash fried too. Yeah, of course. They're delicious. Yeah, they weren't like straight up Brussels sprouts. I honestly think this is a real opinion.

Oh, great. Can't hardly wait for that. If you have to qualify that before you say it, oh boy. This is Jared talking. The rocket's now starting at home. The rocket's taking a break for one second. Cartoons are the reason why kids don't want to eat vegetables. I thought that.

When you're watching cartoons, all of them train you to be like, oh, vegetables, that's disgusting. That's not true. 100%. It's cool to hate eating vegetables because of cartoons. I know what you're talking about. I used to think this. No. It's not true. It's cool to hate eating vegetables because of cartoons. I know what you're talking about. I used to think this. No.

It's not true. It's not true. There's something innate about – I poured a bowl of cereal for Keegan and Shay the other day. Why do we all become adults and all these girls love vegetables and shit? I watched Keegan and Shay pick all the marshmallows out of Lucky Charms by themselves. Never watched me do it. They don't know why.

They did it. They want the sugar. That's different from vegetables. They want – but there's things that sugar they want but there's there's things that they're like drawn to and there's things that the human like tongue is just not down with i agree with you it becomes part of like the whole cartoon thing but there's a reason why like they they don't fuck with it yeah it's wild you you can like definitely get addicted to sugar but i'm just saying that cartoons train your brain i mean it's not they're not my kids my

kids are not watching cartoons my kids are not watching my kids are not watching these cartoons i just had my first that's a hundred percent that's on something on you like i have like something i had this idea i tried to do this with my dog and now i'm trying to do it with my humans where i was like i'm just not even i'm not even gonna give my dog like treats that are bad for him because he doesn't know any difference so like my kids broccoli and be like, ooh, this is delicious. No processed sugars or carbs or anything bad. They're not going to know any different.

But they just do. Like I tried to do it with vegetables. I was like, oh, my God. If you know, this is your dessert. Here's your green beans. And Shay was like, get that the fuck out of my face. There's just something. I don't think she said that either. No, I said I hope she actually did.

I would love for Shay to just look at Kevin and be like, hey, fuck you. She says a couple funny things. There's never been a full-blown curse, except what Keegan said the other day. He was trying to say something. He was trying to say truck, and it sounded like fuck every time. Oh, over and over again. But Shay will say, like, oh, Jesus, and stuff like that. I'm like, oh, crap.

But I'm telling you, man, I know what you thought. I thought the same thing. It's just not the case. Why do I have to out myself here? Clearly, there's something that you've never tried before that it's probably kind of weird. There's a lot of that in this office.

Gaz has never had a pretzel. He's never had a bagel. That's crazy, because bagels are fucking amazing. They're delicious. Brussels sprouts, tomatoes, vegetables. How do you accidentally not have a strawberry?

Oh, so I... I mean, I'm saying along the way, people just have... There's a reason for that. I told you last night. I said because my dad is allergic to strawberries, and it always freaks me out. I didn't want to find out if I was, too. That's fair. His throat will close up, and he can't breathe.

I was like, well, that's not happening to me. I'm not having a strawberry. But that's one excuse out of all of the food groups that you have. You won't eat. I was like, well, that's not happening to me. I'm not having a strawberry. But that's like one excuse out of like all of the food groups that you have that you won't eat. Damn. Page is fucking killed. Kill shot.

Hello? I have tried, but I hate bananas. But you've tried it. Like, that's the thing. Because you know what? I wanted to like bananas because I think they're very convenient.

You can kind of just grab them and go. But if you try it and you don't like it, that's fine, but you're just like, I'm never going to eat it. Like some guy, because I tweeted, because I was like, mind blown. This guy's never had an avocado. She subtweeted me.

I did. Yeah, I saw that. I didn't know it was you. And somebody was like, I've never had an apple. I've never had mac and cheese. I've never had. Mac and cheese is delicious. He's like, I don't know.

It looked gross. I never wanted it. I was like, how do you not like cheese and pasta? Like carbs and cheese. What's the problem here, man do you not like cheese and pasta? Like carbs and cheese. What's the problem here, man? You can't go your whole life without mac and cheese. That's a cry in shame. I was eating mac and cheese at 10am

during the fall last year. It was delicious. Shout out Panera. I think there's a lot of things, but I don't think anything normal. You know what I don't like? I'll eat fried calamari, but when the octopus is just like the octopus like like when it's raw but yeah okay yeah i'm with you yeah i'll have that's like another weird thing that i like love seafood right yeah but not fried i'm saying when it's like yeah no purple and white just i've never

had sushi okay i've never had it yeah i'm willing to try it i i'll do i got to the point where i ordered it i went to a red sox game I got to the point where I ordered it. I went to a Red Sox game and I ordered it and I looked at it. I don't know if ordering sushi at a Red Sox game... I'm sure it's fine. But if you're in the club... I've been in that fucking club a few times.

But to try it for the first time, you have to do it different. If you eat gas station sushi, you need to have some higher standards in life. that's not acceptable no no no but for his first time he needs to try something like super high end i've had the sushi in that exact club you're talking about it's good but it's not what you need to try for the first time okay dallas wants to be my first he wants to take my sushi virginity okay he keeps saying like no like it's because he loves like the sushi out on the west coast he's like if we're gonna do sushi we West Coast. He's like, if we're going to do sushi, we're going to do it right.

Like, I'm going to take you to a nice place. And I was like, okay. See, I just get the Philadelphia roll. I just want to eat the cream cheese. I just load it up. Do you know what cream cheese is? Sure do. Yeah, it's got cream cheese in it.

So I'm saying I just, salmon and cream cheese. Oh. And rice. That sounds great. Yeah. It's like bagel with lox, you know? Isn't there, like, cucumber in it, too? Sometimes they have little shreds of cucumber.

He doesn't eat cucumber. I don't like cucumbers. Never had it. Cucumbers to me are just, they don't have any taste. I'm just like, never had zucchini, never had cucumber, never had a kiwi, never had. I don't know if I've ever had a kiwi. I love kiwi. Kiwi's good.

I'm sure it's good. I just, they're kind of rare. You're not coming across kiwis all that often. Probably tastes like a fucking strawberry. No, it does not. Definitely not. Probably not. Do you know what it looks like?

They're green, right? Right? The inside or the outside? Both. No. The outside's green. The inside is... No, no.

No, the inside's green. The outside's what? Inside's brown. The outside's brown. It's like fuzzy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's gross. Oh, yeah.

No. Oh, you know what I've never had? A peach. Never had a peach. No, a peach is good. It's like fuzzy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's gross. Oh, yeah. No. Y'all, you know what I've never had? A peach. Never had a peach. No, a peach is good. Never had a peach, and I don't think I've ever had a pear. You know what Paige and I need to do? We need to bring in just a random ass-

And I've definitely never had a plum. Fruit platter. Cut it up and just have- Fuck plums. These are all children. Yeah, plums are weird. Plums, prunes, pears, peaches. I'm out with the peas.

Plums are good. Prunes are gross. Peas can fuck off. Yeah, fuck peas. Peaches are amazing. I said that last night. I prefaced that. I was like, I'll try whatever you put in front of me except for peas. Oh, I meant things that start with P.

Oh, like green peas? I'll crush peas. Oh, you're a bitch. Crush peas. Have you ever put peas in mashed potatoes? I was just going to say, you just mash that all up together. So good. I'll eat that just like when we're doing Thanksgiving.

I'm like, I don't even need the turkey. Just give me the mashed potatoes and the sides. Just load that shit up with peas. So good. I'll eat that just like when we're doing like Thanksgiving I'm like I don't even need the turkey just give me the mashed potatoes and the sides and just load that shit up with peas. So good. I'll put the peas into like the mashed potatoes like a mountain. Oh with the gravy. Like a volcano. Yeah I make a little like hole and I load it up. Wild hypothetical but if like I ever got in trouble

at this company and Dave was like you either need to pay a $500 fine or eat a plate of peas. I would pay him a grand. How about two grand? Where's the line? Five grand. Five grand. $4,000 you're eating a plate of peas. Nope. Yes

you are. I'm not. Yes you are. $4,000 rocket. Yeah. It's a lot of money. That's a nice pair of shoes. A nice jacket. Nice shoes. Nice jacket. I don't need it anymore. You's a lot of money. That's a nice pair of shoes, a nice jacket. I got nice shoes, nice jacket. I don't need it anymore. You can't have too many. I'm fine.

What about you? Have you ever eaten it? Like, what's your, like, if you eat it, you'll, like, puke. Mushrooms. I love mushrooms. I like mushrooms. See, that's crazy. Right?

Like, how does he like mushrooms? I love mushrooms with, like, steak. Yeah, I mean, I like it,, but they're also like the textures. I used to like them when I was younger, but then when I got older, I was like, this is really gross. The opposite of an acquired taste. Yeah, they're kind of gross. Nope.

They're very good. You ever do mushrooms like hallucinogenic? No. You? You? I've never done drugs. No. Any drug ever?

No, never done anything. Never smoked weed? No. Damn. No heroin? Shoot up once in a while. No meth? No meth at all?

Do you drink? I used to. Not anymore? Not anymore. Not even like a glass of wine at dinner? No, we were talking about this last night. I don't just drink to casually drink. If I'm going to drink, I'm going to drink to get drunk.

Like have a good time. But you don't do that anymore? No, not really how old you 26 yeah we were talking yesterday about like when hangover hangover stuff to kick in see that's why like i had the absolute worst hangovers and i got like super hammered sorry mom i love you my mom's kind of strict and i was for my friend's birthday and i was laying in my bedroom and i was looking up and i was like, I'm going to die. Like, this is how I'm going out.

I'm going to die from my hangover. Everybody's had those feelings. There's like the one – Some people learn from them, and some people do not. Well, but there's the hangover where you're like, I'm going to die. I'm never drinking again. But, you know, in the back of your head, like, come, like, Thursday night, you're going to happy hour. But then everybody has their first one where they're like, I think I need medical attention.

And I seriously mean it this time. That would happen to me like all the time. And so I was like, it's just not working. Yeah. The fireball flew. That's a thing that happened to me. I unfortunately did not learn my lesson. Yeah.

Steve from Pennsylvania, he wants to talk about Jared's palate. What do you got, Steve? Yo, Jared. Yeah. First of all, bro, there ain't nobody too fucking cool to try a piece. No, I'm not saying I'm too cool I'm just saying I will throw them up

Immediately It's not about being too cool You're saying you would Rather pay money Than eat peas Yeah Then you pay for Them stupid ass tattoos

On your stick legs Man you're a loser bro And he just hung up That was it He's out And that's just a guy That was just mad at the world And just wanted to take a shot

You're not mad at me You're mad at your dad. I mean, it's ridiculous that you wouldn't just eat peas. You'd rather pay money. But I have no idea what that has to do with your tattoos. No, he's just mad. He's a hater. He hates the towel, too.

Bill from Boston, what do you got? KFC crew, what's happening? What the man, what you got? Just wanted to see if you guys ever fucked with hybrid fruits, like a fluid, like a plum and an apricot. No. A what? There's a long line of hybrid fruits out there. So if you only like a select few fruits, they hybrid that shit, and then you have a great fruit.

Oh, didn't you have like a lime orange tree or some shit? Yeah, so my house in College Station, somebody that worked in like the horticulture department at A&M lived there first. Look at that. Look at that strawberry. It's like a white strawberry. That's kind of gross. You can eat that. Clustery.

Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like that. There was like a plant in my backyard that's still there right now that it was limes. And then it would change into lemons. And then it was at some point a orange. It was like half an orange lemon and i mean it wasn't i mean they were they had like cross-pollinated these trees and like they weren't good enough to really use like we would use the limes like for tequila shots they weren't great

but the first time i ever saw it i was like how is this tree producing this and come to find out they just cross-pollinated it and it was a orange tree don't they have benapples? Is that a thing? Banapples. I'm sorry, what? I'm looking at a kiwi banana right now, but a banapple. This shit can't be good for you. Come on. This is like. I might be making it up. What is it, a banana apple? Yeah.

No, I think you're making it up. Good job. Way to put those context clues together, Jared. It looks like it's like desserts and stuff like that, but I'm not looking at any actual banapples. There's a place called Bon Apple. I just made that up, man. It's okay.

You can make things up on the show. No one will fact check you. That's the fact that he fact checked you. That was more like, I just want to see what a fucking Bon Apple looks like. So are you not golfing much anymore or what? You sound like you got like hate in your heart for golf. No, I'll still play all the time, but I mean, I've done it forever. So it's hard to to wake up and have

that motivation to want to play when I'm not trying to play professionally anymore. You gotta have something on the line. That's why you gotta get rigs back out there, running around in thongs and weird shit like that. Has he ever beat you in any of these bets? Oh! Got him!

Did Dave steal your jacket? I mean, it looks like he picked the wrong day to wear that jacket because this is for sure my look. This is not his look. The problem is his jacket's probably like $7,500 and yours is probably like... No, that was an expensive one, right? This was an expensive jacket. Jared, that jacket that he's wearing right now is the one you tried to take away from

him last year. I know. You're wearing his jacket. Yes. He turned into a suit guy after that. This is like the first time I've seen him not wearing a suit in probably like fucking five months. Well, that's where I got.

I can't just like come out of being suit guy. I mean, once you go suit guy, you can't go back as a TV. No, that's not true. I see him. Matt. Sorry, we have to resume mushroom talk another time. I see him in a suit like when he goes on Advisors, when he goes on Fox News and the Kentucky Derby. That's it.

No, he wears a suit a lot. He does not come into this office wearing a suit unless he's going on TV. He wears a suit all the time. This is not a good excuse. We're going to just pretend that didn't happen, come with a different excuse for stealing his jacket. Hey, Jared, did you steal

Dave's jacket? No, this is my jacket. I'm the jacket guy. He better. That's right. I have established myself as the jacket guy. Not Dave. That's not true.

But it's just not true. I mean, two jackets. Yeah, but you're the jacket guy. I've got more jackets than you. I went intoave's office like two years ago when he had that jacket on his chair and i was like when you're done with that can i have it and he and he because he's a millionaire like he is it's nothing to him like that's like a 25 jacket to me so i asked him if i could have it when he was done with it and he was like check the price tag on that jacket

and i was like what was it twenty five hundred dollars so i looked at it and i was like oh okay so he's like yeah but he said he will give it to me now to be fair and i'll paint the picture here it's just a black leather bomber jacket yeah yeah everybody's got some variation of it but that one particularly looks they look identical you have the exact same jacket on, just made differently. Yeah, for like fucking probably like $1,800 less. Right. Now, the same thing happened. He had a blue suede jacket, which was so fire.

Yeah. And then he never wore it ever. And it was like royal blue cuff, like a little bit more powder blue, rest of the jacket. And then Adidas came out with like a jacket for like 75 bucks that looked exactly like it and i waited years like multiple years for him to wear this jacket again and he never did it so i just bought the 70 jacket and mine's more of just like a like a zip up like that's a good jacket kevin yeah but and his is like this like crushed fucking suede it's like you know but his was you know uh like two thousand four hundred and thirty dollars

more than mine uh but he was like what the fuck you stole my jacket i was like i did but i gave you like a two-year grace period right and you never you never wore it again so actually why don't you just give me that the the leather one well we're we're coming up on two years so like but he's still wearing you're not because he's wearing it today you should either give me that you're coming up on zero years, zero days. If he's still wearing it right now. No, no, no. I'm not saying since the last time he wore it, I'm saying since I told him to give it

to me. Well, right. But if he's still wearing it, you might as well just chalk that up as an L. I know. Well, but again, when he's done with it, he'll get me the better. If I can advise you here on how to be a better jacket guy. Yeah. A black leather bomber is just like a staple product, a staple thing of the wardrobe.

So we all can have. I'm sure. Yeah, sure. Because as soon as he sees you, he's going to be like, what the fuck? I don't think he's going to say that. Oh, yeah, sure. I'm sure he won't. I'm sure he'll be totally fine with this.

Dave Portnoy. He looked at me earlier. He walked in and we looked at each other. He didn't get a good look at it. This is Dave's thing. He claims he like invented all clothing. I guess. He's always exactly 18 months behind Feidelberg and then claims that he invented things.

Do you not remember whenever you started saying you were using his hair product and then we put a picture out of you and he was like, that better not be my hair product? It wasn't. I know. But the fact that he even wanted to make sure that everybody knew that it wasn't his, he's going to look at that and be like, this is my look. You know he is. I mean, it's a compliment. If he's like actually saying like, that's my look. I and be like this is my look you know he is i mean it's a compliment if he's like actually saying like that's my look i'm like fuck yeah i yeah i mean it is like it's yeah but you do you do like want to look like dave no i don't i mean you were like what hair

product to use i want to use it i didn't know i went around and asked everyone like i asked big cat and i use big cats the most and then you sneak into dave's room at the super bowl snuck into dave's room with dave the fuck that's not a sneak i said what do you use and he's like it's in my bathroom and i was like can you come with me so it's not weird that i go into your bathroom you understand how this very much applies you want to look like someone if you're like asking no i just never had hair before so i was like all right what does dave use what does dan use like and then i interviewed lucas giolito in spring training and i was like, what the fuck do you use, you sexy motherfucker? And then I bought it.

And look. That's all well and good. But you just did it with the wrong person. Correct. Dave's a fucking asshole. Yeah. I asked everyone. And I bought everyone's shit.

I bought Brett's shit, Dan's shit, and Dave's. And then I ended up asking Lucas Giolito. And then I bought that. Again, all well and good. You just can't include Dave in that if you don't want it to be spun into something. I guess. I don't, all well and good. You just can't include Dave in that if you don't want it to be spun into something. I guess. I don't even think I used it. I think I maybe put it in my hair one time, but I never went out with it.

Is this not the most chick thing in the world? You're talking about hair? And jackets and clothes. You stole my look. Bitch stole my look over here. I don't care. No, because he was on me. So I was like, oh yeah, it took me a while to get ready.

And I was like, I usually just set two hours aside. So I do my hair and I'll take a break. I'll do my hair and I'll take a break. I'll do my makeup and I'll take a break. He's like, that's so long. What are you doing? I was like, how long does it take you? An hour and a half. It doesn't take you an hour and a half. It doesn't take me an hour and a half to get ready.

I give myself an hour and a half to wake up every day, roll out of bed because I'll lay there for a half an hour before I really have to move. Once you start your process, how long does it take? Roll out of bed. Like, because I'll lay there for, like, a half an hour before I really have to move. But that's what I was saying. Once you start your process, how long does it take? Like, once I, like, get in the bathroom, brush my teeth, shower and all that. Yeah.

45 minutes. But that's, like, still a lot of time. Well, because it's not. Because I got to, like, shave. And then, like, here's my whole process. Shave what? Your beard? Wake up.

Take a piss. Brush my teeth shower and then like I'll like shave like I'll shave in there with like my face and then I'll trim and then I gotta blow dry

what do you shave like here and there like that's yeah it still takes time like I mean you're looking at me like I know how long it takes to shave my face

it takes time you gotta like line it up as nice and straight okay you gotta be careful with it and then you blow dry you product you get fucking

and by the way, I got a new pair of shoes on every goddamn day. My feet don't it takes forever to get my feet in these shoes. Why? Because it's like they're tight as hell. Why do you? Every day I'm experiencing it's a nightmare. Every day. This is giving me flashbacks. He asked me what sneakers to buy a couple years ago and I told him a pair and he complained

he couldn't tie them. He's like these shoes don't tie. The laces were too fat. They didn't stay tight. I had the same ones. I don't know. I double knot them or something. You were the only person I've ever met who was just like, I can't figure out these shoes.

Do you still do bunny ears? You're a bunny ear guy? No, you're not, Jared. You can't tie four of gods with fucking bunny ears? I mean. Oh, no. Could you imagine if? I mean. Oh, no. Could you imagine if you were like dating Jared? What if you thought he was like the one and then you see him do bunny ears?

I mean, I don't think I do bunny ears. Do you or do you not? Do you or do you not? Do you grab two loops and swoop them and all that shit? Define bunny ears. I mean, it's a pretty easily defined thing. I don't know. I tie my shoes just fine.

I just don't. They stay tied. God. They stay tied. Something's wrong with you, man. There's nothing wrong with me. Something is big time wrong with you. Like what? Like you use bunny ears to tie your shoes at 30. That's what's wrong with you. I never said that I did. You didn't deny it, though.

Yeah, but I mean, I'm not, I don't, I don't really know what the problem is. I don't know what the problem is. Bunny ears. If I were to do that, I don't know what the problem is. I guess I shouldn't really be surprised. We shouldn't be surprised with the palette that Jared has. Of course, he still ties his shoes with bunny ears.

I eat strawberries. Good for you. I eat strawberries. I like turtles. You know what? My three-year-old godson eats strawberries good for you what do you think the worst date imaginable is that's within reason worst date imaginable what's the worst date you've ever been on oh a guy took me to taco bell and i said worst not best

no but he like ordered this meal and he was like oh i get a free taco that's yours and like that was yeah she ordered his whole shit just tossed you like a hard taco yeah that was in college yes damn it's a little more reasonable in college no no at least like okay don't order your girl they're 89 cents bro get her a couple soft tacos like what are we doing a taco bell date is bottom i know i love taco bell but i would never take a girl there on a date. But at least get me something. Yeah. First of all, probably just avoid.

You want to go to Mexican, go to a nice restaurant. But if you're going to go to Taco Bell, at least get her something. Right. What was your worst date? It was a first date. We had hung out at bars and stuff. It was a first date, and I walked in, and his family was there. Oh. Yeah. Plans. Oh, yeah. Like, here at like bars and stuff. It was like a first date and I walked in and his family was there. Oh yeah.

Plans. Oh yeah. Like here's my mom and dad. Yeah. Brothers and sisters. How old were you? I was 21. What the fuck?

Wait, what happened? She went on a first date and like they walk into the restaurant and like, here's my family. It was around, it was around a holiday. I think it was around Easter was around a holiday i think it was around easter maybe was it explainable though was it like uh or he planned like all right everyone come here to meet casey he didn't i actually think that sometimes meeting meeting the family gets like blown out of proportion like when i first met my ex-wife it was like well it was like early on and she was i was like yeah you want to like hang out and go to the bar and she was like yeah but i told my parents i was gonna meet them for dinner like it just kind of like kind of coincided and i wasn't going to be like no well i'm sure early i was like all right yeah i'll say what's up to your parents it wasn't

like i'm gonna ask for your hand in marriage then and so we had like really only hung out like maybe a couple times and i met her parents but it wasn't like a i'm meeting the parents sort of thing it was like i'm around you're around now that sounds extreme no matter what was it also the first time hanging out no it's the first day it was definitely not the first time we had hung out okay yeah but there was some sort of miscommunication because he i think it was kind of the same situation it was like okay he probably i think as i said it was around easter so maybe he had said okay i'll go out to dinner with my family but then he also asked me out to dinner and in his mind he's like, well, I'll just combine them. That just was not disclosed to me. It was not like, hey,

we're on the way to dinner. By the way, my brother, sister, mom and dad are also going to be there. Like how far, like what is the proximity that we're talking about? We were at the same table. What? Yes. That's ridiculous. Ridiculous. That's not even a date.

That's just like, hey, by the way, we are dating. As we were walking, he was like, oh, there's my family. And he was like, oh, yeah, by the way, this is Casey. Yeah, but he didn't say, like, he's my girlfriend or anything. No. That's fucking weird. Were they like, oh, it's so nice to meet you? Like, we've heard so much about you?

No, they were just like, oh, it's nice to meet you. Welcome to the family. We love you. It was a strange, strange encounter. Was there a second date? Yeah, there actually was a second date. It couldn't have been that bad. Yeah.

No, his family was great. He doesn't move. He's like, oh, as soon as they meet the family. Oh, the family. But it was, I also, I also was just like, all right, like, what am I going to do? Sit here and be a bitch? Like, I'm obviously going to like have a good time. Yeah.

But it was not, I mean, you can't do that. No, you can't. And I feel like, and he did say. But it was not, I mean, you can't do that. No, you can't. And I feel like, and he would say later, he was like, I forgot to explain this to you. And I was like, Oh yeah,

that's a big time. Forgot. I don't mind like first time hanging out, meeting the parents and our family. I have no problem with that as part of it. But like our first time hanging out and it's a date and it's with your family it's like how am i no like how am i supposed to get to know you like that a weird burden i cannot but definitely i thought taco bell date was gonna be the worst page but that's weird what if it was at a taco

bell you'll eat faster he gave me his free taco oh well that's cool that's cool you ordered all his food and it was like oh with that with that, you also get a free taco. And he was like, here you go. Yeah. I mean, I've already talked about the ravioli date. Yeah. What was that? I went on a date with a girl and we went to a place like an Italian place.

And like, I love raviolis. I was very hungry. And I was like, I bet I can eat all these raviolis and like under like 90 seconds. How many did you eat? Oh, I did. I cleared. How no how many like roughly it was just like a full plate it's like a meal where you like hold on and you did like get all the tomatoes out of the way yes yeah yeah what did she do while you're doing this like cheer you on no she was just like watching in heart she was like this is the worst yeah no she's married now but yeah not to you not to you sure is not to me

so like you finish the ravioli i didn't think if i like burp i'm picturing you put the the napkin in your shirt to you wipe your face and then you're just like so what do you do for a living the number one thing that the girls hate not every girl but a lot of girls they don't like to eat uh in front of guys and they they don't like to eat in front of guys. And they definitely don't like to eat alone in front of guys. And I created both of those scenarios immediately. So you were done.

I was done. And your plate's gone. And now I'm just sitting there with my handful. How old were you? This is 2011. Oh my god. 22. Still too old. Yeah. God. You are the worst. Yeah. It was awesome. I loved it. It was old. Yeah. God, you are the worst. Yeah. It was awesome.

I loved it. It was awesome. It was awesome, man. I had an awesome time. I just don't even know what I would do in that scenario because I don't care about eating in front of guys. I don't know if I've ever sat at a date with somebody that I'm not seriously dating and eating alone. Like, I don't think I'd be able to do that.

Like, I've eaten in front of my boyfriend alone a million times but like was it a first date I think that stuff gets weird I feel like people get weird about are you going to drink or not should I drink or not

I don't want to be the only one drinking I don't want to be the only one eating I get it it's awkward or like when guys order for you

oh that's crazy that is so weird I have never once considered doing that I think that is like a you're either like you're old

it's like an old school thing or you're a douche or you're sharing something or i can imagine if i was like if i took you to a very unique spot that i knew and you didn't and i was just like a conversation here's how it works he's like i got it right oh yeah like this is family style or like let me you know get this with the special whatever but even, I think I would recommend it to you. And then, like, you can say it if you want. Or if you were like, hey, I recommend this. And be like, why don't you just order for me? That's way different than just being like, I'm just going to order from you.

She'll have the hard taco. Have you seen Waiting? We've talked about this. The Ryan Reynolds movie? Yeah. Where the guy sits down and he's like, oh, I'll have a Jack Daniels. And he's like, she'll have a water. Well, it's our anniversary.

Give her a Coke. That's what I'm picturing right now. That's what it is. I saw a bit on Instagram. Whitney Cummings posted it. She was on a date and the waiter came and gave the bill to the guy just like, you know, automatically gender roles. And he like took it and was like, thank you, my good man.

And then was like, and slid it over to her because she was the one paying. She was like, fuck that. Like, I'll pay for the meal, but you don't get to take it from the waiter and make it look like you're the one yeah yeah i get the credit you don't get credit for paying for it if you're gonna ride my fucking sugar mom right i can get down with that i like that yeah i think all the girls get offended by that or is it still like flattering like if a guy like pays for things i like when guys pay for things yeah in college i was so broke i I would just go on dates for free. Both of you are successful women.

If a guy tries to pay for you, you're like, no, I make my own money. I'm good, dude. No. I mean, I will not let somebody pay for every single thing of mine. But I will offer. I'll be like, I can pay for this. I think that's something that's still pretty standard. Yeah.

And it's also like I'm not saying. If I went out with her, I was like, I know she can pay for dinner. I'm not saying you're broke. It's still just like the gesture. It's just how it goes. Yeah. And it's like, I, I, it's not, it's also like, I'm not saying if I went out with her, I was like, I know she can pay for dinner. I'm not saying you're broke. It's still just like the gesture. It's just like how it goes. Yeah. I would never be offended if, yeah. Yeah.

Let's go. You guys want to buy us dinner? It worked. It worked. All right. Let's, let's call it a day. Chicks in the office are up next. Paige, thank you for coming by.

Thanks for having me. Make sure you follow Paige on all social media. Watch her do her golf thing and modeling and all her funny, pretty stuff. And we'll be back same time same place tomorrow for a Friday edition of CCK. There are certain times where, you know, we're going to start the show and it's like hey what are we talking about today and we're just going to kind of basically we just kind of wing it and sometimes there's a lot going on sometimes we're just going to pick a couple topics here or there

but but the top of the show is often very just much like on a whim but i just sent a tweet right now i said you're going to want to tune into cck right off the top of right off the top of the show because uh we're doing a little story time here we're gonna do we're gonna do a little letter reading because oh because the love letter has arrived and let me tell you something it yeah it is something you can't call that a love letter you cannot call what i received in the mail today a love letter casey is it a letter is it a letter yes is it written by someone who's in love with you i don't know i think i do i think now just because he's a fucking creep doesn't mean he's not in love this you could call this a creep letter a creepy letter a creepy love letter can i just preface this before you read this that ebony brought it over to my desk because i told her yesterday i

said hey there is supposed to be a letter coming it's this whole shtick that we've been doing on cck for a little bit um if it comes like please make sure that you bring it to me as soon as you see it so it doesn't get lost in the mix whatever she comes over she hands it to me i open it i read halfway through i just hand it to frankie i'm like frankie i can't read this can you read it frankie gets halfway through it can't read it hands it off and it gets all the way around everybody at the desks and i don't know if anybody got all the way through it the first time through well keith was already on the line he called up oh he called up shitting me he called up at one one o'clock on the dot so he's and you know what keebler you're gonna sit right there for a little while so fuck

keebler like half the letter was like shitting on me i know what the fuck i didn't what did i do that well that seems to be a theme here by the way everyone thinks they have to go through me to get casey i'm just the one that's saying like, hey, you need to have like a certain set of standards before I would approve of it. And the two, I'm like a pimp. Well, let's calm down here. But I have said on the record multiple times that the two of you, when it comes to content for these love letters, these poems, whatever, the two of you have to be involved because

I'm not going to go on some unsolicited date by myself. So I understand them thinking they have to get through you guys. But the shitting on both of you is not going to me happier they shit on jared like a funny way they shit on me in like a very rude person it's like i like love both of you why would they want why would they want to go after you to my heart that's just not gonna work so yeah and so it's not gonna work in case you in case you haven't been listening in the past couple months this has been going on for a while a couple guys have called in hitting on casey asking to take her out casey has said why don't you write me an old school love letter this is the first guy to ever actually follow through on like the hand

written no i got i got those valentine's day cards valentine's day cards were where it started there was some sex dungeon talk so this has just been a running theme for a while but this little creep keebler who's four foot eleven has uh have you seen him before do we know what he looks like well rio went through his instagram earlier oh yeah we definitely need to know what he looks like so that he can i'm gonna actually do that right now just so i can kind of have this have you not what's it called last fm or some shit last fm radio last fm radio this guy is i guarantee his instagram is going gonna go private or be deleted at any moment because once the people hear your letter my friend um i i would also like it on record i didn't know

if we should even read this on the air yeah yeah casey actually said that oh my god you see this chest tattoo oh god like a gigantic like bald eagle on his chest oh no casey now i will say this i haven't looked at the instagram ria i just this kid has uh he has light eyes given that he has a picture with a girl so he's talked to a girl kind of looks like hillbillyish he looks like he looks like he's trying to be on the bachelor but he's from like you know kentucky oh he has nice color eyes yeah he does have i haven't looked at the instagram yet ria he has a chest tattoo that is like a gigantic bald eagle or something like that. He's kind of got like a faux hawk thing going, which makes me want to kill him. Here's him in a fucking bow tie like a weirdo.

But overall, on the binary scale of ugly or good looking, this guy trends more towards good looking. He's not like a creature. No, no, no, no, no. Now he's 4'10", so not like a creature no no no no no now he's four foot ten so we can confirm human species right so so just just as you have this in mind it's not like he's like a 500 pound slob or like you know he's got like no teeth or something like that like he's an actual human being he's four foot nine but he's like normal looking look well you just hold on and you wait to see if he's normal well normal looking i said now this is the letter which we have been waiting for are you gonna edit some of

it i i think i'm i the only thing is let's take a vote what and you guys behind the glass can do this as well what should raise your hand if you think i should read this verbatim everybody one two three four five except for me because i'm gonna cry because because there's i will say again before we get to this there was i watched every person that read this note and i knew exactly what point that they were they were gonna get because i was gonna say everyone's raising their hands but there's no idea a couple words here where you're gonna like kevin kevin literally just said all right everyone who's present that can hear this put your hand up if you want me to read this.

And it looked like the people in the control room are doing the wave. But again, I could edit this a little bit, but I just want everyone to realize if you're tuning in right now, I have been told to read this verbatim. And I'm not going to be happy about saying some of these words. Let's begin. Maybe can I get some music? Yeah, get some music. Can we do some uh some soft like romantic george michael here's my concern is that if somebody tunes into this

and there's no music that they're gonna think that you're just talking this way and i can't have that yeah like i can't have people you talking to me that way without people understanding i might have periodic pauses where i say again these are not my words this is keyboard's words because if you tune in in the middle of it and you think that this is just my love letter to Casey or my love letter to anybody that you would want to throw me in jail. This right here is pre-crime.

I feel like I'm going to have to deliver this to the authorities after we do this episode. There were people, I'm not going to name names because I don't want to throw them under the bus, out there that were legitimately telling me that I needed to ask for a shank order. They were like, we need to hire to ask for a training. Yeah. They were there.

We need to hire Casey, a security guard. Do we have some music? Let's okay. For a couple of years, the only girls that caught my eye at barstool were Fran, Kate, Rhea and Ellie. Then one day listening to KFC and Jared,

I hear the most amazing voice in my life. This woman sounds like she smokes a pack a day and won't stop talking about Texas. I resent that line, by the way. I don't think that Casey sounds like that. No, and also, even if you did, like, not a great start for a love letter. No, thank you. I had to find out if KFC brought an ugly girl onto his show because he would probably try to fuck any hot chick in the office.

When you finally said your name, I jumped to Instagram to find the most fuckable girl I have ever seen. Every photo on your IG makes my dick tickle. Not even tingle. Tickle. Like, that sounds like an STD. Your dick should not tickle.

It should tingle, maybe. You're a lover of sports, wearing that tight... Oh my god. She is wearing a tight red dress. You're a lover of sports, wearing that oh my god she's wearing she is wearing a tight red dress yes you're a lover of sports wearing that tight red dress and the fact that you're a lover of the Aggies lets me know you're pretty easy I started writing this on paper yeah he's not great so far I started writing this on paper but every time I got done with the first paragraph my handwriting would get progressively worse mainly because your IG would make me want to touch myself and my hands would start to shake.

I say your name over and over again for inspiration. Just saying your name makes my nipples go hard. K.C. K.A.Y.C.E. It isn't spelled normally. It's actually spelled like the runner up to a trailer park beauty queen contest. Still, saying your name makes me think of the most beautiful things in life. The Grand Canyon, the Rocky Mountains, and of course your eyes. Those eyes have seen so much.

You've survived cancer, progressed in your career, and have probably taken 57 dicks to the face. I know once you see me, all of that will be forgotten. I got the over, by the way. These are the three things he promises. One. I will eat you out every morning, not caring if it's a little yeasty.

Yeasty. Let that one breathe, Kevin. I'll just spit on that bitch and go to town. Number two, I will never flirt with another girl. So you don't have to worry about me pulling a KFC. Number three, I will never be a douche. Let's be honest.

No one needs to act like Jared. If you're looking for money, I don't have it. If you're looking for communication, I listen to your podcast all day. I don't want to hear your voice when I get home. If you need someone to trust, I'll lie about how I didn't check out Ellie in the elevator. Don't focus on what I can't give you though. Focus on what I can sex and lots of it. You'll always be the most beautiful woman in the room. You'll always bring a smile to my face and I'll always go to bed thinking about you. Unless Fran sees this and likes what she hears. I'll wrap this letter up with a quote. Everything is bigger in Texas. That stands very true just by looking at you, your heart,

your smile, your generosity and ass. You will always be the love of my life. And even if you don't find this letter to open your heart to me, we can always agree on one thing. Fuck Jared. Yours truly, the shortest man you will ever love, Keebler. I just want to say to everybody behind this glass, I turned around at that exact moment when I knew they were going to react, and I think all of them were like, damn, I wish you would have edited

that. Yeasty. Look at your brother right now. He is so upset. Yeasty, folks. I don't know yeah that's a little yeast infection okay let's stop yeast that's all that's definitely a line that he's probably used before i feel like that's not something that you creatively come up with and also sounds like some direct experience like i hope you just spit on it and like yeah i mean that that sounds like someone who was dealt with. Yeah, I honestly don't want to talk about that.

That's fine. Guess what? We are. No, no, we can talk about the letter, but I don't want to hear that word one more time. I'll go down on you even when it's yeasty. Every morning is a big commitment. A leather couch. He is.

He is a he's a go getter. I mean, he's four foot eight and and he'll eat your yeasty puss. What? What's the real height? I think he's 4'10". No, I think he's 5'3". It doesn't matter. Yeah, if you're below 5'5", you might as well be 5'4".

No, Jared, this guy could be 6'5". This guy is a fucking ultimate creep. What if Leonardo DiCaprio wrote you that letter? How would you feel? Leonardo DiCaprio would never write me a letter like that. What if Leonardo DiCaprio wrote you that letter? How would you feel? Leonardo DiCaprio would never write me a letter like that. What if he did, though? What if he wrote that exact letter?

If Leo said he would eat your yeasty puss, she'd be like, oh, shit. Leo does it all. I just can't fathom Leonardo DiCaprio, how romantic he is in movies, that he would ever write

something like that. But before we even get to that rule, like Kevin pointed pointed out there was like so many insults yeah you took 57 dicks to the face you sound like you'd smoke a pack a day i only talk about texas which is just false you're easy because you're an aggie oh yeah what does that even mean you got a big ass and it sounds like i mean i'll take that it sounds like he wants to fuck uh ellie and fran over you he keeps mentioning them. Fran read that and goes, I wish my name was not in this letter. Not involved in this.

She was like, I really am upset that it's there. Yeah, talking about checking out Ellie in the elevator, the only girls that caught his eye, Fran, Kate, Rhea, Ellie. What he really did was put himself completely in a corner because if he just freaked me out, everyone would be like, oh, my God. But then now he's also freaked out all the other girls in the office by mentioning them in the letter which again is not a good tactic now if you want to put a face to this by the way again go on instagram before he

makes it private because i'm sure he already has last fm radio and read the second letter that i got like the little like caveat casey sorry this took so long as you can tell my handwriting is awful so i typed it up if you like it you have to follow me on IG, Last FM Radio. He is... By the way, he also put his address on the envelope, which is a wild move. That's like the scene in Seven when the dude just walks into the police station covered in blood. Frankie just walked by and saw you holding the letter and goes, Did he really just write that?

Like, everybody that's walked by that sees Kevin holding these two pieces of paper is like, I can't believe I'm reading this. Most of it is insulting to you. The only thing that is objectively grossed out is the yeast line. I mean, it's all creepy, don't get me wrong, but I'm saying the only thing that makes you really go, Jesus Christ. We're really drawing the line at yeast these days.

Yeast is a pretty tough one. Like a yeasty vagina is about the grossest thing I can think of. And to put that in a love letter that's been hyped up for two months? He's trying to say that he'll love you no matter what. I think you have to look at the underlying message. He'll spit on that bitch and go to town. Yeah, but before that, he insulted basically my entire life. Yep.

I mean, he said that you sound... Your name is... He gave me the benefit of the doubt that there's only 57 dicks. Yeah, I mean went he went low on that he went conservative there such assholes he went conservative maybe like you know her senior year oh my god maybe yacht week but uh other than that so i mean shall we talk to him i don't know i feel like maybe this is one of those this is one of those things where, again, I get mad at Jared on a daily basis. I talk shit to you, Kevin. But in reality, like you two are kind of the gatekeepers of this.

I think he needs to talk to the two of you first. OK, I think he needs to hear from the two of you where if you guys give the green light to him, talk to me. Do you want to do you want to step out for a second? Yes. Yeah. Why don't you? Yes. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. We'll talk to Casey now. right we're gonna talk to him as if uh talk to kiebler we're gonna talk to him as if we're like older brothers here we're gonna talk to him like we're buds like yeah let's try to get this chick to fuck you um there should be like a good cop dynamic i feel like all right which one do you want to do um you you be like the let's fuck this girl and i'll be the older brother sort of thing okay okay kiebler from tampa you you creepy scumbag what's going on i don't know i don't know why you're laughing i don't know why you're laughing all right all right hold up before everyone freaks

out on me i had two options here i could write that love letter traditionally make it heartfelt and go from there or i can make it the most Memorable thing possible and just go Comedy Central Roast on it and get everybody involved That way no one will forget it so I went that route Well that You should have written two Be like read this one first and then Howard be like Oh my god that's so adorable and be like read this one

Second and then it's that one Or a true wordsmith can come up with a way To kind of Capture both you don't be a complete Fucking weirdo creep talking A true wordsmith can come up With a way to Kind of capture both You don't be a complete fucking weirdo creep Talking about yeast But you still are clever and funny enough To

I also said she's very beautiful like the Rockies And the Grand Canyon Yeah you did say that Definitely again I would take the over on the 57 dicks But when you're talking about Casey in this letter I do think that You brought up the other girl like you might have had a shot if you like made her laugh with like the even with the

creepiness but if you were to power rank i'll never have a shot with casey hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on i mean you did say she's easy if you went through the power rankings of fran ellie and casey and then you also mentionedhea. Were there any other that you got mentioned? Fran, Kate, Rhea, Ellie. Okay. How rank those girls? Is Casey still your number one? Or is Casey, I don't even, I can't even use the word still because she came with the You want me to rank every girl in the office now?

No, no. Well, don't, don't. Where does she rank? Yeah, it just sounds like Casey's not the top. Yeah, omit the other names. Where's Casey? Casey's the coolest one. And now probably everyone else is. Yeah, I love

Casey. But you didn't ask if she's number one or not. Yeah, that sounds like you're a manager of a baseball team and we're asking you if this pitcher is going to stay in the rotation. Well, we'll figure it out. You just said she's cool. Yeah, that's like when you

say a fat girl is cute. I know for a fact, I know my short ass, I know for a fact it would never happen. She's cool. She's hot as hell. If I got the opportunity, absolutely. But there were that, that would never happen. And did you think this was going to give you a shot? No, I just wanted to make everyone laugh their ass off. Wow. I think you made everyone, you creeped everyone's ass out. How about that, man? That helps too too. Like I said, I felt memorable. Well, you know, some people subscribe to the idea there's no such thing as bad publicity. I don't know about that, man.

I don't know about that. I think if you're the little midget who talks about yeasty pussy, that's not the publicity you want. Well, answer Kevin's question from before we brought you on. Have you had experience? What was the inspiration for that line? Have you dealt with a yeasty pussy before? No, I was going for shock and awe on that one. And I was just like, what is the nastiest thing I could come up with?

And that was it. Okay. Do you want to talk to your girl? I mean, we can. I mean, yeah, absolutely. Okay. Casey, come back in, please. So Keebler has backtracked on pretty much everything.

And he's saying, well, I was just trying to be funny. I was just going for shock and awe. I knew I didn't have a chance with her to begin with. So I was just going to try to make people as many people laugh as I possibly could. Are you does that change your opinion or your thought about this letter at all, Casey? I don't know. I mean, yeah, some of the parts Were really funny Obviously He said

He's never dealt With a yeasty vagina He was just going For shock and awe And that You know The only reason He mentioned other girls

Is because he thinks You're just so unattainable Well what about All the insults Where did those come from I was going for more like I was watching Comedy Central Roast

That night And so I was going For like Basically a roast Of everybody So I was basically roasting you at the same time, which I thought was, you know,

a good touch in my opinion. Yeah, usually when I'm trying to fuck somebody, I just roast their whole life. Okay, all right. So you're saying I have a chance in case you're going to go ahead and say that.

I'm just saying that you hyped this up as if you thought you had a chance. And in my opinion, I was like, well, let's see if this guy is fucking Shakespearepeare with a love letter and i've always been told if you can make a woman laugh i didn't laugh there was no laughing yeah that's there was no laughing that's where i think you have grossly miscalculated brought this letter up to me and she put it on the table in front of me and i thought i didn't know it was a letter i thought she was like presenting me like a five million dollar lawsuit like I just want to also let you know, because now that this out in the open that I didn't

find it funny, not one Barstool employee looked at that and even kind of cracked a laugh. It was all, all disgust was the reaction. Like not one. And I'm talking about, and I'm not even talking about, I'm not even talking about just the girls because the girls didn't even read it till later. I'm talking about every single content mail that has picked it up that usually talks pretty gross did not even crack a smile when they read it keibler not even a smile i only laughed when when i got to like the tight red dress part because you are actually wearing a tight red dress

that is just stunning timing yeah i laughed at that and i i got a chuckle out of the 57 decks yeah yeah yeah because i was like that was the funny that if any part i could look at him like that was funny That was funny But again it's not like Oh my god this guy's so sweet To think that Casey's Only taking 50 seconds It's just a goddamn joke

Fuck off both of you But yeah no I don't think that You made me laugh at all Or anybody else I apologize I tested this out With every girl that I've known

And they all laughed And said send that right now It's hilarious That's a lie Honestly I swear Honestly I think you're just Miss missing out on who I am as a person. So I think I need to redo that. Listen, we are done, bro. You have made me laugh on air. Like the, the call that you had about your boss and being whipped and all that, like, that was really

funny. I think that you might have tried a little bit Too hard in this And I don't know What girls are laughing At yeasty vagina And I'll spit on that bitch And go to town But they are not The same Amy Schumer

That's I don't know Who finds that funny I really don't That made everybody cringe instead Did you at least Come to the conclusion That you will never ever

Forget about that letter Well he's got you there He's got you by the yeasty pussy there That's like That's like the gift Of ever forget about that letter well he's got you there he's got you by the yeasty pussy there that's like that's like the gift of the dude on the bench when he's just like letter yeah that's a lot you know what most people don't forget like the serial killers that try to kill him on a daily basis but i mean i said you know he's clearly subscribes to the no such thing as bad publicity and i think maybe sometimes there is yeah well and i'm now concerned about all these girlfriends that have read over this letter like who are they dating oh when he says girlfriends he means bodies in the freezer like these are these are the voices that talk to him

that he is he's got chopped up in the basement like for ria walked by when i was outside and she's i honestly cannot believe that anybody thought that letter should be read on air i'm like i haven't read it i don't know oh no it definitely needs to be read on air i can't believe that someone would be read on air to send it you don't you don't receive a letter like that with a recurring caller and then just not oh no i but see the other love letters that i blogged and stuff they're usually tame enough and funny enough like i roasted that guy that wanted to take me to coffee the guy that called in with the poem yesterday but i you can't put that on the blog like you can physically i cannot why would i want that on the blog kevin's gonna blog it yeah i'm totally okay i'm not gonna blog

it i'm gonna blog kevin you should absolutely actually if you could maybe send me the electronic file so i can cut and paste it i don't have to type this thing out again so go ahead and just forward that one over there uh also all right with your email you might uh just send it over kfc at parcel sports.com you also might want to start uh like you know your run from the law because we've sent the authorities there so you are now a few so you have like a five minute head start just go ahead and and best of luck while you're on the run i appreciate it guys and casey i want you to know deep down i really do love you

thank you lab thank you Casey, I want you to know, deep down, I really do love you. Thank you, lab. Thank you? Get out of here, you fucking creep, Joe. Wow. Let's hear from the people on the love letter here. Eric from Philly, what do you got on Shakespeare over there? What's up, everyone? I mean, that was the most disappointing Wait of two months I've ever

Could imagine that was beyond creepy It was only funny because of how you delivered it I almost crashed my car when the Yeast came out that was Yeah listen I mean I can't say it's disappointing Because like it It was disappointing from like Romance point of view

But I'm saying the payoff of it being The absolute worst thing is the entertainment value. Yeah, I think it exceeded my expectations. It's just not in a good way. Jared, I wish you would have just had The Rock piped up for him. You know what, man? You write a letter, but it doesn't matter because you're 5'4", and you don't have a chance with Casey Smith.

Have a good day. What a call. Love that. That was a good call. What a call. Love that. That was a good call. Greg from Ohio. What do you got on? Oh, I don't know if I can top that. That was great.

I think we're going to dub this letter gate, correct? Yeah, why not? Slap a gate on it. How about yeast gate? No, I can't. No, Kevin. No. So this week we've had snatch gate and yeast gate no i can't no kevin no so this week we've had snatch gate or we'll uh yeast we can do

uh you know the wicked witch of the yeast we'll do uh kevin stop you stop what is wrong you haven't even been drinking today what's wrong with you you don't know that i like it. I like the Wicked Witch of the East. Wicked Witch of the East. Eastern Conference All-Stars. The Easter Bunny. The Easter Bunny! Jared takes the cake. I'm going to hang up and listen. That's actually, from now on, he was dubbed Keebler because he's a midget.

He's now the Easter Bunny. He's the Easter Bunny. That is real special. The Easter Bunny. He's the Easter Bunny. That is real special. The Easter Bunny. I, you know, you know, he's got, he's got like a radio show or something. There's, there's, there's a lot of self-serving bullshit in there. He is probably just trying to like be memorable or whatever. But to, to ever do that, like, like even, you know, a lot, a lot of people do whatever

they can to get the attention of people at Barstool and get get their blog in or get their call in my p brought in a fucking wallaby right but but but even that even if i was desperate if you and i wanted to get out of my cube job and this was my dream and all that i don't think i would ever go this route no i don't i just don't think i would say yeast i think the uh it was it it was gonna land on one side of the spectrum or the other. No one was going to be like, eh. Right, right, right. I just, the try-hard humor for me is just some of the worst in the world. That's exactly what that was.

It was try-hard. And like 57 Dicks and all that shit is just like, you're trying too much. Yeah. I think it would have been funny if it was like a genuine like creepy love letter that wasn't yeah imagine explicit imagine if he was just like you know i really like your company yeah or not even i want to treat you well the guy who called in yesterday with the poem about being married like that was really funny that you can definitely make fun of me that guy actually did a good job yeah you can make fun of me like i'm not asking for you to like shower me with compliments but like you can make

fun of me in a way that's not like i'm roasting your whole life and by the way i'm a disgusting human fran just accused kevin did you see what she said what was she saying she said that if i get murdered it's on you and she just kept pointing at you over and over she's like it happens on you kevin clancy let's not make this about you fran this is about the easter bunny keep it moving fran it's not about fran it's everybody that's walking by with seeing you with the paper is just a little concern for my well-being that's i'll tell you what i don't know what company we work at anymore because like what i can't read a love letter and i can't talk about snatch not my barstool not my barstool man you didn't to be fair you didn't talk about snatch you just repeated it just repeated it yeah boy this place is up in arms over a little little fucking love letter jesus

christ lipstool over here not my barstool where's the i wonder if we can get a dead spin uh spider has the most ill-fitting suit on i've ever seen in my life there's a big battle going on right now barstool so frankie borelli has officially uh he's officially about to move on to greener pastures he is not from barstool from no no from dave's life uh he's gonna go be you know he's been doing a lot more for foreplay and it's uh you know exploding this guy's doing a great job and it's time for frankie to blossom as the third full member of foreplay which he has been for like two years now yeah but dave you know he's he's been more known as dave's pizza guy and all that shit so it's time

for him to get credit of his own and so he's moving on and so now dave needs a replacement this is what dave does he he had hank and he had frankie and now he's got to have a new guy and there are a select few that have been chosen to be like the finalists and uh i think barstool radio actually put up a a um a poll so i don't even know how this is a question to be completely honest so the the finalists seem to be uh um dana spider jet ski and then the poll i saw through um um uh tyler o'day in there which i don't know if that was a joke or what i mean dave hates tyler yeah that so that that can't be him so uh dana is really Dana Jetski and Spider Spider. Now. Dana has all of the video experience.

He makes the parcel documentary. He's worked with mixtape and PMT. He can edit videos and create videos, which is kind of the crux of pizza reviews. No, to shoot and edit them. But as I heard, Jetski ran up in the office and gave like a passionate speech about how he has taught himself how to edit and create and produce and that he was like, you know, this intern who then jumped on the breakfast crew

and he's been editing the vlog and the show and working with them. Um, and apparently Tommy was like impressed with jet ski. He's got his headphones in. Cause he's listening to his, his rap. That's the whole,

that's, that's what people are going after him for. That's the knock on jet ski is that he only cares about his music career. Well, I mean, I think he can, I think, yeah,

I think you can work i agree to both but that's what people keep throwing him under the bus for so you're you're down to uh the finalists here to be dave's new right hand man um and i was just saying like if you know dana has the huge edge right now in video editing and production but as i understand tommy said that you ran up in Dave's office and gave a very passionate speech that was really persuading. Yeah, I would say Dana definitely has more long-term experience, but within the last like four months, I mean, I had never edited anything. And then the breakfast show was

like, we want to do a vlog. Or I started doing that, kind of taught myself on the fly. We want to do an after show. We want to do all these different like one-off things. So I kind of picked my hands up and picked a camera up into my hands four months ago. And I'm putting out like three videos every week. I think they're pretty solid. So as far as that's concerned, like with pizza review editing, I don't think it would be something that I couldn't do. Oh, that's interesting because pizza review editing is one of the more basic ideas.

Very basic. You have to add some graphics in not to minimize what Dave and Frankie do, but as far as the technical requirements. You're not having to like like, piece things together. It's more that it's a daily thing every day. You got to be on your toes, kind of be Dave's guy. I think it's more than just editing. It's also kind of being personable around celebrities.

And, I mean, I haven't had a lot of high-profile guys. But we get some big names in on The Breakfast Show, and I'm always talking to people, bringing them into the office. You know, I'm not very nervous in that regard. So I think it's something I could definitely do. Interesting. What about from the logistics standpoint because that's where the knock on dana is that dana's bad with dana flat out said i'm not good it's not my strong suit logistics which is kind of a big part for the guy who travels and moves and gambles and fights and flies and all that shit constantly trying to find new locations to go to yes and like it's all logistical well for the better part of a year, as far as time management,

I've been able to get in for a morning show coming from Long Island that starts basically essentially at 6.30, you have to set everything up. So I think time management, I'm pretty good there. And logistically, I help out with, as far as booking guests, anything we do off-site. So I think I'm pretty good there as well. Work a nap in here and there

on your time? The naps are here and there. The're talking the schedule the naps are here here and there but the thing about frankie barelli does have some sort of intangible frankiness that really does work with dave like like he he when he was filming dead legs at the super bowl and they and the guys are like screaming at him frankie just like laughs it off he's just like fuck you i'm allowed to film this like i don't care he's very like confident in that he sticks to his guns and i don't know whether that's just like well i have to be like i have to put on this front because dave will eat me alive if if i don't or if it actually comes natural but he is very just like cool calm and collected because you're

gonna get yelled at you're gonna be around important people you're probably gonna get like arrested at some point you got to deal with uh like the blue check brigade all that shit it is it's a lot more about being able to like keep your cool kind of which i feel like you can do yeah i definitely can do that and i think it's also like being around dave you're kind of gonna you're kind of gonna know when he's on like when he's gonna do something hilarious you gotta have your phone out and ready like i think that's something i'm kind of always have a keen eye for when something's gonna maybe pop off a little bit hence dancing fucking 45-year-old woman to make sure my friends record it. Like, I know what's going to play on social and stuff. That video was so good.

Like, I think I can just kind of parlay that. Yeah, it was good. You were, though, I thought. No, so she was bouncing around to, like, all my friends. Where was that? What bar was that? Flynn's in Fire Island, which is, like, basically seaside of Fire Island fire island where like all the guidos go and it's a lot of fun but it's a lot of testosterone and a lot of divorcees kind of running around

throwing their shit around so i don't know she was kind of hopping around to all my friends and then she came over my way and i was like this is this is i'm gonna go with this for a little i didn't make out though she was making out like three guys beforehand so i was like it's a good way to catch a cold sore um and i guess apparently the knock is that what you're too you're too focused on your rap career to be dave's guy i guess so dana was saying that i'm all in it for myself and all trying to profit off of so you guys are sewering each other now i wasn't i went in and pitched myself and then dana was just like oh he wants to all he wants is to use it for rap fame uh this at the third no doubt like one working at barcelona if i was to be

dave's guy like it would help me like musically but i just as it is already i'm already doing music on the side when i'm home it doesn't take away i'm not taking off from work to go record or anything like that like this comes first this is my actual job so i don't really see how that could come into play if anything would be like champagne problems it would just help out they were suing each other i heard you weren't but dana and spider were just personal like personal attacks and then dana started throwing gas under the bus gas wasn't there he started suing gas was like i'm the only one that works on the documentary gas just fucking scrolls through instagram and i was like yo this is gonna get super personal and if dave's just sitting there loving it like the look on his face was just pure this is like

this is like his version of like the bachelor it's like instead of like girls fighting over for love it's like guys fighting over attention. It seems like nobody is concerned about Spider. I feel like it's Dana and you talking about each other, but is Spider a worry? Spider, in my opinion, has that Frankie kind of gene where it's like he's calm, cool, collective, under pressure, can kind of handle any situation. I guess the biggest knock with him would be like the video production shit. He's never edited a video? Yeah. I don't know, though.

Spider has videos of when he was in college and shit and he was like doing little like one off like youtube videos so i'm sure he probably if you threw some shit in uh in premiere form he could edit it up so i don't know i'm definitely wouldn't count out spider out of it because because i know the type of guy dan is he's a fucking grinder he's a hard worker and he'll always make it the best of a situation and logistically i mean he has to deal with that stuff right now he is banned from airbnb right now though so that's worker and he'll always make it the best of a situation. And logistically, I mean, he has to deal with that stuff right now. He is banned from Airbnb right now, though, so that's tough. And he also fucked up field day.

I disagree. Well, I mean, content-wise, he didn't, but. I thought he did a great job. Yeah, well, of course you think that, but. The poll I saw online that had Tyler O'Day in there, that was a joke. I think that was a joke, yeah. I just wanted to make sure. I think that was taking away some of my votes.

So, fucking, if you're out there, vote for me. Don't vote for Tyler O'Day. Is he going by just votes or he's gonna make his own decision no I think what he said is there might be some type of like almost like a tryout I would imagine like some type of academic decathlon type shit where it's like you gotta do a pizza

review for him do some type of physical activity book a trip or book something for him I don't know I would love for this to turn into some sort of like tournament it's going to like they're gonna have to find a pizza place that he's never been you know what you should do is maybe ask frankie for some footage of an old pizza review and you recut it and show him like this oh i got something going that i'm about to show him later today that i think he'll like very much a different piece of content pizza review uh centered that we do

not have currently what a story i i was surprised when i went when i heard your name in there not because i didn't think you're capable of it but it just i didn't think that you were in that like you had the breakfast thing going yeah and i just didn't think you were on like dave's radar you know i think it is i think he thinks jet ski can help him be cool dave's already cool i don't think you need but i just think he knows good answer good answer that's exactly what it is help him hit maybe a different crowd, maybe a little more ethnic, maybe a little more urban. I think he's like, oh, if I take Jet Ski to this Atlantic City party, Jet Ski's cool.

He's going to make me look cooler. I mean, I don't know. At the same time, though, I could see Dave thinking that you're not cool. Dave doesn't think anybody's cool except for Caleb. Yeah, it's true. Well, I don't know. I think he might think that I'm fairly cool. He said he thought I was a weirdo, but I think he thinks I'm somewhat cool.

I'm not trying to, like, whatever blows his like whatever yeah well but there is some elements that's like you know spider you know you bring spider to some of these events these parties like i said he's walking around in the worst fitting suit i've ever seen in my life but he also doesn't care so like when we're waiting in lines in like atlanta or minnesota he just walks me he's like yo so we got some big people coming up and like yeah he has like he just like when he was like trying to break up fights and Rough and Rowdy, putting people in headlocks or getting put in headlocks. He has no fear.

That's for certain. He projects confidence. I think that goes a long way. He's a spider. All right. It's going to be an interesting show down here. I'm pulling for you, Jetski. Thank you.

I appreciate that. So go vote and keep your eye on it. I'm sure there will be a full-blown sponsored like, sponsored, you know, video of some sort. Oh, for sure. I can't wait for that. Like, I'm here for the competition. I don't really – I might just be, like, battled to the death.

I mean, all three of them were in his office with – I mean, obviously, the stool scenes cameras and stuff were around, and they were just yelling at each other. Like, and he's just sitting at his desk. Oh, like – Mr. Burns, like, loving it. Yeah, for sure. I will be honest.

I knew that Jet Ski had been editing vlogs and stuff. I thought Dana was kind of the shoe-in for it because Dana's already been doing the pizza reviews. Like he did the one with Lindsey Vonn. He did the one with Paris Hilton. He obviously shot the documentary. But Jetski just put together a very nice little speech. Well, the dirty little secret that I think, yeah. I mean, that was pretty good.

Well, the thing about it like in you know frank you probably would never tell you but it can't be that can't be that hard he said he said it's more frankie has said and he was telling them out there it's more about like just always having to be available yes like just dave will be like what don't give a fuck what you know yp was telling me at the at the uh at the stanley cup game the other night um like yp was doing a few things he was up on the glass all the blues came up to him and like we're hyping him up and like there was nobody capturing it and frankie had the camera rolling on dave like 100 of it or rolling on them 100

of the time he just knows that like you can't you're never there to just watch the game you're never there to just hang out you're always always filming like he had when we would go on the road for the college football show frankie produces the entire show so he's not just date like he produces everything gets the graphics directs it all and then as soon as it's done has a camera on dave so it's like he can't even do like his never stops never stops it's like he has to put together this whole massive show and then we've hired external people for shows like that before and they produce it like you're supposed to produce like an emmy award winning sports show and it's like no no you you're supposed to produce like an Emmy award winning sports show. And it's like, no, no, no.

You're actually supposed to be filming like the fat guy over there while Dave talks to him or whatever it may be. Like it's a it's a totally different. That's why Blattman like killed it because he has that experience for the college football show. So him and Frankie were just like a great duo. But then at the very end of it, it's like you still have to have a camera on David. That's right.

Bryn's the greatest at what she does. She doesn't miss a single thing. Keeps the camera on the rocket at all times. All day for a girl. And knows if you pee in the shower or not. I can't wait till that girl's like, I got to get out of here. Never going to happen. Oh, it's going to happen.

We've had like meetings with like business people here and they're like, you guys have the best chemistry out of any talent producer. Until she's sick of you. That's right. That's just never going to happen. Oh, it's going to happen. How could you get sick of me? I'm sick of you. I get sick of you. That's right. That's just never going to happen. Oh, it's going to happen. How could you get sick of me? I'm sick of you.

I get sick of you. Fuck you guys. Speaking of degenerates, we have David Blattman. Speaking of people who just dominate the rocket in all games. I mean, that's just not true. You watch it through the glass. I'm team Blattman. But he never beats me.

You've only beaten me when we play best of three. Okay, that's how you play. I told you, it's like you come to play in the DS, but you can't win in the CS or the World Series. That's just not true. I mean, I have the Venmo statements to prove it. I was going to say, you send him a ton of money, don't you? It's for his kids.

Who has more money out of the Rock, Paper, Scissors challenge? Have you given him more money? He's never won a penny off of me. I've never beat him for money. I lose on purpose because his fucking kid is starving. How do you lose rock, paper, scissors on purpose? Because he's that talented. Yeah, like I know what he's going to throw.

I really wish you wouldn't have bailed him out on that because he had no idea what to do. Yeah, I know. I shouldn't have done that. I just looked at you like you were dumb because that was a dumb question. It's like the same way that you win. I know what you're going to throw. Yeah. I just throw the opposite.

I beat him every single time. Lavin is too smart for that. When we put up money i'm like all right yeah i've been kidding he's a birthday party he's the he's the the brains behind big brain he's well the new barstool series uh where we kind of you know take a page out of shark tank and we're talking to entrepreneurs who are trying to get barstool to invest in their company their product their service whatever it may be episode one is out now or what? It came out at 2 p.m. It came out.

All right. So freshly out. You can go watch Big Brain right now. I did watch it. You were pulling the strings on this one? I had an advanced screening. I watched it last night. Uh-huh.

Very funny. You were the puppet master on this one? I mean, it makes it sound like it's only me, but yeah, there was. No, of course. Right. I mean, obviously the guys who are on it are a huge part of it. Of course. So we had Jon Taffer, Mike Rapoli, Dave Portnoy.

And Taffer's in eight of the ten episodes. The other two, Erica's our other panelist on there. Oh, that would be interesting. So obviously very like heavy Shark Tank undertones. Is there like who's the tough shark? Who's the easy shark? Like how many people got through? Are we going to see,

are these people going to like be a part of the blog or is it separate from Barstool? Who won? Like what kind of companies won or without giving it all away? Of course. Sure. Yeah. I believe it or not.

Dave's actually the softest. I actually do believe that. Like that, that doesn't surprise me. Episode one. It's not that he's soft. He literally told one of the contestants that it was the worst idea he's ever heard in his life but he says it with a tone of like i'm on your

side i don't know about that one that's a spin zone i don't think so i'll tell you what it is he might be like i think the other guys might have been playing like heel a little bit where it was like i'm gonna fucking roast you whereas dave is like if i think your idea is good i will tell you it's good if i think it's bad i will tell you it's bad right so he's like the fairest where i think the other like taffer's here you know he's fine he's there too and rapoli i don't know much about him but i i heard him recently calling to francesa talking st john's basketball he doesn't give a fuck you know dave is as actually the one who's like well all right let me hear you out first i'm not gonna just like smoke you right yeah it's it's kind of ruthless sometimes yeah like for the most part it's pretty

pretty fair but they get pretty ruthless a lot of times where you almost start to feel bad for certain people i get hand embarrassment i mean these people in time yeah you know these people come with like this is their moment or like you put all their eggs in this basket or this is their baby and like it was a build-up to this moment right everything you work for like and this is it it's this robust it's not like oh well all right i'll just go back to my regular thing this was like i took a swing at the fences here it's like uh if this doesn't work i'm out of like yeah i'm in the hole if you have a good if you have a good idea or a good product or a good company you're gonna get the barstool bump from being on the show and then if they all just roast you and tell you to fuck off it's like you're getting but there's still a little bit of bum it's like shark tank like

something obviously if they get the shark tank bump and they get through then it's like huge like cousins main lobster is like right on my block in new york and just a shark tank all over it but at least there will be some people that'll feel bad for them if they get roasted unless it's just the worst idea of all time yeah i mean at the end of the day a lot of people are just getting free marketing which exactly is awesome but we have such a powerful audience that it's just the worst idea of all time yeah i mean at the end of the day a lot of people are just getting free marketing right exactly is awesome but we have such a powerful audience that it's like some of these people it's like you're tanked yeah so then what episode is is fleishman salon in this one fleishman is yeah so is it really yeah so they they went and like their thing is selling the hair vitamin gummies online and i think it was ripoli was just like this is stupid

like you're selling gummies in your salon like this is never gonna work and they were like no we're not we're not selling in this long we're selling it online and it was just like a miscommunication on like what the actual business idea was but then as i understand it erica have you gone to her yet all right erica fleishman apparently went like toe-to-toe with john taffer afterwards yeah they appear a little bit later i can't confirm that they went a little toe-to-toe yeah it got a little heated a little because she doesn't fuck around man i've said a million times she's like a pit bull and she's she's very serious about her hair so when like they weren't understanding it they weren't giving credit she was just like fuck you dude when does that episode come out uh it's towards the end i want to say it's episode today oh well yeah it's 10 episodes

total i want to say she appears in episode six maybe yeah it it was i was like oh boy because she was like a big barstool fan yeah i mean she she's advertised with kfc radio we have a campaign coming up she's a big fan she was like i mean i i thought i remember thinking like dave might be the problem because me and Erica are friends and Dave doesn't like me. And then when like Dave actually was fair to them and it was the other guys who were like, you know, what are you going to sell haircuts? Like, no, no, no.

We do cut hair, but we're selling these gummies. Right. And they just didn't get it. And when they didn't get it, it got very. And then I believe there was some comments like, well, you know about hair. You don't have any. There was some bio orgs. Can't confirm.

Yeah. So Fleishman, Fleishman, you don't have any there was some bio orgs can't confirm yeah so inflation i don't know i mean they obviously didn't impress them but i think they got their money's worth as far as exposure and whatnot talking shit so uh i i i don't like barcelona idol being a judge on that i can't imagine like when there's real money on the line and people like you know what if you tell some story like i i took out my i took out a second mortgage on my house for this like can you do it and you're just like fuck that that's stupid oh i would be a terrible judge because i'd be like okay i'll just like i'll buy it but i don't want to ruin your life here you know yeah maybe it would be better for like a

spoof version of big brain that would probably be where it's not actual lives on the line but yeah that way there's no joke to do that to one contestant where he was like this idea sucks but here's like x amount of dollars just like a little consolation yeah yeah so like cash app's the sponsor of the show and they actually gave us uh a bunch of money to like give out to different contestants so like people were not necessarily empty-handed well not every single one got money so it's people who didn't get investments that dave was kind of like i like you i like where you're going but it's not for us here's five thousand dollars just adds like seed money yeah so it's not we're not investing but they hooked it up with that unless i got like the perfect deal i'd probably prefer that you know like here's five grand to keep doing what you're doing no no he said here's

five grand try something else here's five thousand dollars don't put it to this that's a payment of like i want to make fun of you on this video. Yeah. Here's $5,000 to say I'm sorry. Yes. I'm actually, I didn't believe that I would ever watch the show. I'm actually very honored that you knew that. Yeah. I watched the whole thing.

That's a lot. I was, I would have bet my life that he wouldn't watch a second. I watched all of it. It was like, it was like half hour. Yeah. So 10 episodes,

all like half episodes, you have half about a half hour each every Wednesday for the next 10 Wednesdays. And like, is there are we now like in business with with several? Yeah. So I spoil it. But like, yeah, I'm not going to spoil too much. When you do something like this, it's like, is this for the content or is this for the business? It's very much both. Like we we make a handful of like legitimate investments with companies and we're going to start promoting. I mean, at the end of the day, you know, yeah, yeah it's great content but we're also putting very real money yeah into this so yeah we're

trying it's like bar rescue s with taffer where it's like you always hear a story like a year later they ended up shutting down or a year later they continue to thrive and you don't really know right but all you do know is that taffer got his tv show out of it you know right exactly uh but yeah that's gonna be interesting if like because that is that i think is really the future because as we can't you can't put your name on a towel you can't make a joke anymore like just having investments that aren't related to the jokes and the content that was something else that happened in the first episode is dave is like all right let's do business but he has to decide like do i put barstool's name on it because you know we want

this to be successful and we don't want to get not accepted because the barstool affiliation right so he's investing in something and it's like all right well can we even put the barstool name on it right that's where you should have like subsidiaries and yeah shell companies and that kind of shit where you don't even have to worry about the drama or the the blowback or does it even make sense you know what i mean like why would barcelona name be attached that just have it be but the thing is dave loves everything to be you know under dave's big brain i mean the big brain here is dave it's not the yeah it's not the competitor i'm not i'm not the big brain yeah don't get it twisted there's not multiple big brain it is very untwisted. Very, very, very straight. Very.

Uh, all right. So you can watch it on the app and on, uh, barstool sports.com big brain episode one out now 10 in total. Be on the lookout for my girl Fleischman talking that shit. Uh, and, she didn't want me to get my sides cut.

She wants to, she wants to like rock with the sides. I'm like, I gotta fade it out. Now you look great. I, uh, Ricky Porcello.

I usually, uh, listen to her. So she does do nice work. I think you should give it a shot. like rock with the sides i'm like i gotta fade it out now you look great i uh ricky porcelo i usually uh listen to her so she does do nice work i think you should give it a shot nope all the guys that get their hair done by her have fantastic hair the the uh the sides are a little short yeah you used to get roasted for your hair being the same length as your beard back in the day yeah yeah i remember remember I saw, I told you, I saw someone on social media call you, said you looked inbred because of that. Yeah.

Which I don't even know what the correlation between that is. There isn't one, but I get it. Like I get it. And now it's just not that case anymore. Now we're just, we're rocking. Now you're handsome as fuck.

That's right. Blackman's just gassing Jared up. Yeah, I'm trying to get his money. Your boy Zah hasn't been here. Zah's been in fucking Zimbabwe. Where is he now? Dubai, Zimbabwe. Where is he now? Dubai, Zimbabwe?

When's he coming back? I don't know. Not soon enough. I miss him. It's my one-man hype team. That's right. Jared, if you put out a hair gel, I would buy it. What about hair gel?

If you put one out, he would buy it. Crocs would buy your hair gel. I think you have good hair. Now, the problem is you have to understand Crocs is a fucking idiot. I am an idiot. Well, this is also not hair gel. No, he's saying if you did. Oh, if I came up with my own.

But also like Crocs even saying like a hair gel like it's 1997 and you're like a guido going to college. I mean, I had hair gel. I did the hair gel thing in middle school, which is probably a tough look. Yeah, we all did. That's what I mean. Like LA looks in middle school. Remember Sunnion? Oh, yeah.

All those things. Bleach tips, baby. I could never do the frosted tips, but I knew plenty of guys who did. did i didn't do frosted tips but i did bleach my hair and then it looked like frosted tips by the time that did you have that like afron look like you see afron on pmt with like the kind of yeah yeah like platinum hair yeah because uh and babe ruth i was on the pirates so we all like bleached our hair for the summer and then by the time school started in september it looked like we had frosted tips right because it just grew out yeah yeah i wish i could pull that look off like when rudy did it like a joke yeah it was like he knew that he was when he came up with that bet he didn't know exactly hoping to lose

yeah he said trojan horse i know what's going on here you know speaking of grinnell portnoy was making fun of him the other day i want to see where you stand. So during Fugawi and during a lot of times the guys crew, the Lewis gang crew, they put the name tag on, it says, hello, my name is, and you write some sexual innuendo or some joke.

And, uh, you kind of use it as like a party prop and like an icebreaker and whatnot. Dave hated it, hated it. And, uh, cause Grinnell said,

hi, my name is, and it said, I eat ass on the first date okay and he didn't like that and said this is a guy this is like the bubbly gang and gaz was the one who like threw him under the bus and put the picture out there but dave went off about the idea of bringing props to the bar which i understand that's like a 40 what's the name's almost 50 now i get that i understand at that age put bringing props to the bar is like, eh, whatever. Yeah. But like,

I don't think of it like a prop. I think it's like, you bring like a fucking tech of cards thing. Yeah. Like a name tag is like, uh, that name tag was not great. That's the problem.

Is that what he wrote on there is lame, but I don't, any name tag is not great at a bar. And maybe that's cause I'm 30. I don't know, but I just seen it work. So it's like, if it works,

who cares? I couldn't imagine that we're using a prop at a bar i am the prop with that hair like the amount of uh like if the goal is just to like you know draw attention and get people to like talk like the name tag works every time the problem that grinnell walked right into is doing anything that gaz tells you to do anything like the fact that he thought that that would end well in any form or fashion when gaz is it's like when he comes up to me and he'll have like his hand broken in the picture by the way i don't know he's like a air cast on or something is his hand actually broken you know never but anytime gaz hands you

something i don't care what it is and says put this on or whatever and let me take a picture you say no immediately i can't believe he's little finger man he's the least trustworthy person in the world but if you know if you know that it's like it's it's a blast like hanging out with guys is great as long as you keep that arms like you never do anything he says but the people who just still get gassed it's crazy I think

I've we've all figured him out like that's the sort of thing is like no we have not some of us have some of us have not but like even the people that have figured him out still fall for the bait yeah you just can't fall for the bait you cannot and like the way he you know he jumps on twitter he's stirring the pot with the blues guys and the noogie and all that and then you're replying and i did like yp's reply saying like did you send this tweet from the bar for gowie spraying beer on the other 36 year olds it was funny and then gaz's response after Gaz has like, he's like a one-trick pony.

And like when you do a little back and forth, he can't hang. But any sort of like listening to him is just, you know it's going to end up benefiting him. I feel like we don't ever, Gaz never tries to Gaz me. I feel like Gaz tries to Gaz the person that, yes, like if I'm like beefing with someone, he'll try to gaz them.

Yeah, because he knows. And once you hit that point with him where he realizes you have some sort of trump card, then he's going to stir it up around you as much as possible. Right. Now, Gaz usually gazes me up. He doesn't gaz me up. He said last night that the city is Lil Nas X, it's Tom Brady, and the Rockets town, and everyone else is just a gaz.

Yeah. that the city is, it's Lil Nas X, it's Tom Brady and the Rockets town and everyone else is just a guest. Yeah, I mean like it's like, it's like gang wars, but we're not hostile with each other. Yeah, you have like a ceasefire kind of going on. Yeah, like Fenway's my turf, Southie's his turf and then like Dave just has everywhere else in between.

Gaz has blocked me from being able to see anything on his social media. That's where we're at. He blocked you? Or he has like his like certain like friends that can see certain things his social media that's really like or he has like his like certain like friends that can see certain things whatever like i like he straight up text me one day and just said you've been blocked why he's like all right just because i i guess i guess i did something he didn't like and i repeated something i shouldn't guys big bad internet gas blocks people i don't he he blocked me from like seeing his like stories. So I can't know where he is. I like that move.

No, you can't block. It's not blocking. It's just you're not in the club. He kicked her out of the club. Yeah. I mean, you can. I'm so devastated. I don't know what I'm going to do.

I mean, make a burner. He's a public account. I would imagine. Fucking guys. No, I don't think he is. Is he? He's definitely public. I think he makes like he makes stories where you can only certain you know how his friends so like like hot girls will make

their instagrams private because they like guys will just look at their instagram not follow and if you want the followers you go private that shit works if you go hot girls no it works period it does work but like people will i know it works for hot girls but for god i've done it it works you get like a thousand followers a day what yeah yeah but then they unfollow they'll like they'll go in just to see what's going on it's like going to a bar it's like oh there's no one here i mean that's the reason that the pizza reviews like that when they went when the main account everything went private and dave went private like he soared over a million followers because people were going to find his content and couldn't do it i don't think they actually disappear as much as i think getting the

follow on instagram you follow a million things they don't really care about like an instagram follow is kind of a little more like lase, like blase with it, like whatever. Yeah. And then they just end up staying. The problem is you can't do swipe ups. And if you go, if you like go private, unprivate, private, unprivate, like Instagram basically knows you're gaming the system. Yeah.

Shadow ban you. You can do swipe ups. You just can't see what the numbers are. I do swipe up still. Oh yeah. What do you know? when I went private, it was like, I couldn't link to 10,000 for swipe up.

10,000 or a blue check. Got it. Yeah. I thought there was something about not being able to link to something. No, you can. The problem is, is like if you,

so if I, if I do a swipe up to somebody and they want to like send it to their friend and their friend doesn't follow me, then they can't see the swipe up. But I still do swipe up to everything. You just can't see the numbers on it. Like you can, when I was public, you could see see well i set all that up to

make fun of hubs because hubs is private to game the system and i was like hubs no one gives a fuck about but it does work but for hot girls you're a hot girl no no i'm i'm backing what kevin very ugly just individual doesn't matter what species he is it probably it's somewhere in between because i do think it works but you might be right that people aren't clamoring no follow-up no no no no no they're actually probably like thank god like i was gonna go check this out and now it's like instagram versus twitter is like a twitter follow i actually i'm i'm the exception because like i followed people if you bought case you're bringing a premium and shit like i follow anybody who supports the podcast but i but if people who I actually care to follow,

I'm tight with a Twitter follow because it's like, you got to be funny, you have to be interesting. Instagram follow, it's like, yeah, if you're hot or if you ever posted anything interesting, like one time or whatever. That was a big day when you followed me on Instagram. Yeah, when we started the show.

I swore that I would never follow you out of a grudge match, but I was like, all right, we're going to be a co-host. Do you follow me? Do I follow you? Yeah, I think so. How could you not?

I don't know. I hope so. I don't know. I don't know. I forced Jared to follow me. I literally had to sit in a room like Jared following me. He paid me. Hey,

you're the only one paying me. Oh my God. Duh. Two or two of us. Yeah. How often do you guys play every day? It's been a while since I was told not to Why don't you play right now?

We got about 60 seconds left Why don't you play best of three right now? Let's go you bitch Let's go Rock, paper, scissors, shoot Jared tosses paper Fuck out of here Wow

That was a Play by play and before I could even Speak Wow. That was a, I mean, I was going to play by play. And before I could even speak a word, it was a two Oh sweep. Just another day. That was the first time he beat me. And probably that was what a scissor over paper and a rock over scissor. Yeah. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Just fucking dispensed of you peasant. How much, how much do you owe? 20 bucks? No, nothing. We didn't pay for that. It's only best of seven. That's why he won't pay me or play me. And so you lose best of sevens.

He can't afford to play me. So you lose in the short term. You learn in the long run. You lose when the money's on the line. When do you ever win, Rocket? Every time that he walks by and we do it through the window. It doesn't matter because you don't get anything from it. And then any time that I've asked him to play.

Rhea is doing ballet out there. She looks like she's ready to go. Chicks in the office are up next. When's the last time we've all been together on a Friday? It's been a minute. It's been a minute. And we're all here together. And I just sent out a tweet.