KFC Radio - CCK Podcast: Nopening Day

Episode Date: March 30, 2020

It was Opening Day and there was no baseball in the real world, but there was in the virtual world. KFC recaps watching the video game Mets (the Amazsims) play, and lose, a virtual game vs the Nats. When did you realize you were a fan of a loser? Getting canceled by a thousand paper cuts. Living the fort life.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Today's episode of CCK is brought to you by the Barstool Sports Store. Now, we got more than ever popping off in the Barstool Store right now from the KFC Radio CCK camp. First of all, we're quarantining. It's Team Indoors for Life. So right now, the Barstool Indoors line is all that you should be buying. The lounge pants, the lounge shirts, the hoodies, the boxers, they are designed for you to be at home, be relaxing, and be as comfortable as possible in the middle of this pandemic. If you're not wearing Barstool Indoors gear right

now, I don't know what's wrong with you. You're probably one of those weirdos who wears jeans when you go to bed at night. Okay. We also got the social distancing club hoodies, which we just, it's a play on the anti-social social club. So right now, any hoodies that you buy from the social distancing club is donating money to direct relief org, which is basically the best way to get money to healthcare workers. So doctors and nurses and anybody who's on the front lines fighting against coronavirus is going to get proceeds from those sales. As well as all of our dad hats right now, we have the pink, blue, and black hats that say,

stay the fuck home, wash your hands, and work from home. Very cool hat. Everybody likes it. It's a great message. Everyone gets a kick out of it when you wear them, and they see you rocking it now during the pandemic, and all the money goes to directrelief.org. So a lot of cool shit to buy right now, and also you're helping out the fight against corona. So go get yourself some gear.

Go to store.barstoolsports.com. Check out the Viva section, the Indoor section, and all of our hats and hoodies right now. Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. Oh. Kevin. You're just ridiculously stupid. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Welcome, welcome, welcome. Is this Kevin? Welcome back. Oh, yeah, man, how you doing? You good? I know you like that. Is this Kevin? Onside the Rocket, Casey Smith. And they all got this style from me And if I ever see them, man, they probably bow to me And when it's me, drop, I know they gon' be Alongside the Rocket, Casey Smith. Jared Karabas is out today. He's got an interview with Robbie Fox, so I think he's doing some from-the-top-rope wrestling shit.

So it's just me and you today. Case, what's going on? Oh, nothing much, Kevin. I figure you'd be crying at this point since it's opening day and there's not Mets baseball on TV. Well, there's not Mets baseball on TV, but there is Mets baseball on the Internet. So we just did a Mets live stream over on We Gotta Believe. If you're on your computer, you can pull it up because Clem is still doing it right now.

So I don't know if every team is doing this, but the Mets have teamed up with MLB The Show, the video game, and they're doing simulated games, and it was kind of fun. It was pretty fun. I mean, I know it's not real, but it's DeGrom versus Scherzer. DeGrom gave up two early home runs, and me and Clem were both pulling our hair out like it was a real thing and and then Robinson Cano hit a two run home run with JD Davis on base and I mean

it was kind of cool I I feel like if every team did it, it would fill the void. I'm not saying it's real, but it was like for a split second, I tricked myself. When he gave up a second home run, I was like, fuck, you got to be kidding me. And then I realized I was watching a video game, but beggars can't be choosers right now. And I kind of enjoyed it. Honestly, I feel like it's all about filling the void right now I didn't know that the Mets were doing that if every team is not doing that they're crazy because yeah all day on Twitter it's you know hashtag opening day from home and there's a really sad statement from the MLB commissioner's office and all that which sucks I

mean yeah it sucks about sports but it really sucks whenever it's a specific day that's so big for a specific fan base or all the fan bases. If they're not filling the void by doing this, then the teams aren't doing it right. They should all be doing this for the foreseeable future. And the thing is, obviously now, like, graphics are so fucking awesome that it, you know, it looks real. It feels real. all the stats are up uh the uh you know the apple popped up on the home run it's you know it's as real as it can

be without being real so um i bet the players love it too because i would assume and just like you know from athletes that i've talked to across the board, like they're going crazy because not only can a lot of them not be doing what they love, just like everybody else, but they also can't work out. So I would assume that baseball players today, I mean, it's not going to fill the void of actually swinging a baseball bat, but they at least get to compete with their teammates and against other people. That's got to help them too a little bit. Well, the thing is they could really do it big if they played. Like if Pete Alonzo was like the Mets representative and played MLB the show.

That's what you were saying they were doing. No, they're just doing like simulations, which actually probably is more quote-unquote realistic, but they're not playing. How do players do it? Yeah, if the players would play and you get a couple of them in a room and one of them is acting as the manager almost while one of them plays or something like that, I think it's something that they can still probably watch.

What they really need to do, it's probably unrealistic to have them play all every game but if if you could always have them live tweeting it or reacting and shit like that that would be very cool i think i think i think you can turn it into like a little uh performance you know if like let's so so robin in the simulation robinson could just hit a home run if all of a sudden he's on twitter and he's like, yeah, you know, that one felt good or, you know, whatever it is, I think it would be a fun way to pass the time and at least give us some, you know, obviously no one's going to treat it like it's real, real. But if I could talk some shit and, you know, and have something to a podcast to do.

And me and Clem just cooked up some day game dogs, and we were on the stream. Everyone was live interacting with comments. We were talking about, you know, what's our worst Mets memory? What's our favorite Mets memory? And actually, this was a good question that I can pose to you, and we can use it here for radio today because you are a fan of a loser franchise in A&M as well. The question of the stream and the question of the day is, when was the moment that you realized what it meant to be an Aggies fan?

Or for me, what it meant to be a Mets fan? Meaning, when was it that you realized, click, oh, I'm destined to be a forever loser and this is never going to work out in my favor. So think about that if you want to call us up, 833-85-STOOL, whatever team you're a fan of. And it could be the opposite. It could be when, as a Yankee fan, did you have the moment of like, oh, wow, I am blessed, and we're going to win multiple championships, we're going to spend money. We're always going to be in the mix. So when was the moment that you had the epiphany of what it meant to be the fan of the team that you are a fan of?

That's a great question. I really like that. I feel like you probably were born into it. Like, right? I mean, A&M's been bad for so long though, right? Yeah. Like, right. I mean, A&M has been bad for so long, though, right? Yeah, I can't remember the exact year, but I know it was. So I'm trying to do math in my head. It was second or third grade. So like early 90s or mid 90s at that point, my dad went to A&M.

His brother, my uncle, went to UT. And growing up, it was like just the biggest rivalry ever and they always played just in our family obviously the rivalry between the two football teams is one of the most storied rivalries in college football or was RIP but they always played on Thanksgiving and I remember getting all excited to put on all of my A&M gear because this is not going to surprise you Kevin my parents put me in maroon and white, I think pretty much out of the womb. So I remember being old enough to dress myself. My mom put my hair in pigtails.

And I was so excited to watch the game with the grownups. And A&M lost because they always lost to Texas. And I remember looking at my cousins and looking at my uncle, and they were so happy. And I just burst into tears. Like one of those cartoon characters, just sobbing with my little blonde pigtails, my blue eyes. And I ran outside and I ripped my sweatshirt off and I would not come inside until my dad promised me that A&M would win again the next year.

And guess what? They didn't win again the next year. So that I remember that moment. Like it was yesterday like four little sad tiny scrawny little casey just pouting in the backyard screaming crying over a football game that was macy crying that was macy macy was in the backyard weeping like a little eating disorder sad sorry sad uh kevin can you please tell the people that are listening that you're not just making fun of me for having an eating disorder? That sounds really bad.

Yeah, well, I mean, I'm still making fun of you. But Casey was so skinny and rail thin that everyone called her Macy for emaciated. So it's kind of – I mean, it kind of is. It kind of is. Yeah, but I didn't actually have an eating disorder. No. I just want to put that out there. But I did. I mean, to give you an idea of how skinny my sister and I were, my dad would put, like, heavy-ass protein into ice cream with peanut butter at night

and make us drink it just to try to put actual weight on us. Like, he was like, I don't even care that this is bad for you. Like, I need you to put on weight. When did you, like, become not emaciated? Was it just like a puberty thing? No, no. Like, you look at pictures of me from high school, and it's like, yikes. I would say probably late high school I started to fill out.

Like, I've always had hips and a butt, but, like, I didn't really fill out until I got a little bit older. But I honestly, like, I don't know, 18, maybe I started looking semi-normal. I've always had a big head and a really scrawny body. So I don't know when that started to fill out. Casey the lollipop. Lollipop Smith over here just looking like a fucking, like a blow pop. Well, in honor of opening day, because it all is baseball themed, I was also called a baseball bat in high school because of the way I was shaped.

Like I was like skinny, skinny, skinny, and then got bigger up top because of my head. I like that one. It was tough, Kevin. It was tough to be me in high school sometimes. A baseball bat. That's so you had like a little knob for your feet and little skinny like legs and then you just got like wider at the top yeah i've never thought of you to have a big head well but if i was that skinny if you think about i mean it's not like a huge head but if i was that

scrawny like i was just proportional i mean yeah you've seen my wrist like i mean my wrist and ankles now are teeny tiny and and I'm 31 years old. I was just absolutely rail thin, and then it got to my shoulder. So it's like you look at a baseball bat, it gets wider at the top. So my shoulders and my head are the top of a baseball bat. I was flat. I had no curves. It was terrible.

It was terrible. It was terrible. Did you see the Instagram I posted yesterday? Because my body has pretty much looked the same since I was like eight years old, apparently. I was just a skinny, fat, doughy bag of milk with inverted knees and zero definition anywhere on my body. If you go on my Instagram right now, KFC Barstool, my mom sent me a picture. And she said, you should post this on your Instagram. You should say, I beat coronavirus.

And I was like, mom, it's called Instagram. And two, I didn't beat coronavirus because I never had coronavirus. But it's a picture of me with my shirt off wearing like short, short, short shorts with Mets short shorts with a chest tattoo, like a fake tattoo on my chest and like a bowl cut. It is some look. Let me tell you what. It's beautiful. I was serving looks at the age of eight.

Where do you think that the term you look like a bag of milk came from? Desus Nice coined that one talking about Lena Dunham. So when – That is – Yeah, it's the best. It's the best. I mean, we all say it. We all say it, and it's just beautiful, but it's like, where...

Like, that makes sense, because Lena Dunham is absolutely a bag of milk. When they were doing Jesus vs. Mero before their Showtime show, before their Vice show, before everything, when they were just a podcast, I think at Complex,

he said, Lena Dunham looks like a bag of milk. And I just, I mean, I fucking lost it. And then I used that, and people started to credit me. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because I was always talking about Lena. But that one, all credit goes to Jesus Nice. Shout out to the Bronx. I mean, and of course, right?

Like, that's one of the funniest fucking terms I've ever heard. That's one of the funniest guys I've ever met. So it makes perfect sense. But unfortunately. I don't think you look like a bag of milk, Kevin. Well, I was going to say, unfortunately, as I've gotten older here, I have become that. Especially when I'm pale, man. No, you haven't.

I mean, I'm skinny, fat, and I'm pale, Casey. That's what a bag of milk looks like. Yeah, but I feel like a bag of milk, like, you can't compare yourself to Lena Dunham. Like, are we talking about, like, different sizes a bag of milk looks like. Yeah, but I feel like a bag of milk, like you can't compare yourself to Lena Dunham. Like are we talking about like different sizes of bag of milk? Then maybe. Yeah, I mean I guess I'm a carton of milk, whereas she's a bag of milk. Okay, yeah, a carton of milk at least has some structure to it. Structure, exactly.

Like I'm like a taller, I'm like a quart of milk, whereas she is just a flat bag of milk. What an awful insult. You know what? I think that I would rather be called Macy still to this day and be shaped like a baseball bat than be told I look like a bag of milk. Yeah, I mean, bag of milk is by far. Did you hear when Lena Dunham actually, I think she went on Ellen or on a talk show, and she was talking about trolls on the internet. And she was like, yeah, I mean they're just horrible. They call me a bag of milk.

She knows it. She has said that out loud because it actually got to her at some point. So it really is – Yeah, you know what? And I would feel badly. I hate the internet bullying, obviously. i hate when people get made fun of but lena dunham after reading all the stuff that she used to do with her sister and all that she deserves all the bad things in the world in my opinion and here's the thing about about the internet being mean when you

when you profit off it you also then open yourself up to all the negative. Like if it was just like some – if some girl just like posted a picture of herself like, hey, I'm out with my girlfriends and everyone on the internet blogged it and talked about it. That's just bullying. That's just mean. Lena Dunham has made her money and made a career off of saying inflammatory shit on the internet and being ridiculous, and so you open yourself up to the criticism as well. Now, I mean, it's particularly shallow to just make fun of someone's appearance, but there's also plenty to say about her that is wrong

just in the way she, like, carries herself and conducts herself. So, I, you know, sometimes people will ask me to blog about her, and there has to be a reason. You know, people will just be like, oh, look at this picture of her. She's gross. Well, that would just be fucking blatantly like. That's mean. Yeah, that's just mean. Yeah, that's just an asshole thing to do.

But has she done something or said something that's ridiculous again? Then, you know, then it's game on. I want you to go over. There are very few things. Oh, go ahead. No, no, no. Go ahead. Finish up. uh i want you to go over things oh go ahead no no no go ahead finish up i was gonna say there there are very few things that shock me when i read them now after working at barstool for the

last couple of years and just in general in life and reading i don't know that was only a few months ago that you and ria showed me the excerpts from her book about where she talks about the stuff with her younger sister when they were kids and i was horrible flabbergasted i mean she is disgusting and the fact that she's not been canceled is actually surprising to me she should be canceled yeah i feel like she has been um like uh you know when they say like death by a thousand paper cuts I feel like she's been canceled by a thousand paper cuts. She hasn't had one definitive moment, but when Hillary was running for president and the emails came out

and even Hillary and the Democratic Party was like, get that girl away from us, I feel like that was it for her. Where it was like, even your own people can't stand you. It's time for you to go. Because, I mean, her show is over now. She has 5 million followers on Twitter. And her tweets get engagement.

She'll get like 2 retweets and like 10 likes. It's almost impossible. So I feel like she doesn't really have anything anymore. Other than, you know, probably a gross amount of money. And I'm sure she's like producing things and I'm sure she's wildly successful at the end of the day but yeah Casey I want you to go over to my Twitter right now and just

take a look at the video I just posted this is my setup for the day it's fucking awesome I am living the life for life no they're over at the nanny's. So I had my kids over. I finally got them back for the night after finally getting over my sickness.

I had a big reunion with them. So I bought this air fort as like a little thing for us to do. And let me tell you something. I'm never going back. Once you go to Fort Life. You've got your Miller Lite. You've got your... I got snacks.

I had my day game dogs. I watched the Mets game in here. I got a bottle of Santa Margarita. It has a little slit in the wall for me to watch TV. And the whole thing is powered by a fan. So it's like I have air conditioning. I'm in a beanbag chair. I'm living the life casey

how can i get one of these are they uh you can just order them online 40 bucks i mean listen if you don't think that i'm gonna buy one of those and put that up in my living room i'm i'm by myself i'm self-quarantined in isolation by myself i feel like i would feel much better by myself inside of one of those babies i am telling you, the only thing you need is a fan too. It doesn't come with a fan. So you have to buy like a box fan. I got fans. So then you just strap it in, you plug it in and it pops up.

And I'm telling you, my happiness level, no joke, is at least, I don't know, four points higher on the scale of 10. I don't blame you because it's comfortable. It's like an anxiety blanket, a gravity blanket. People love those. There's something about being tighter inside of something that makes you feel better. I'm living that cozy life.

I'm a cozy boy. To me, there's a couple things um that are and we'll get to our calls in a second dominican dylan's on the line but there's a few things that i think don't lose its luster as you get older and there's a couple things that make you just like revert back to a childlike state where you still kind of get like giddy and you still think it's fun forts is one of them if you build a fort or in giddy and you still think it's fun. Forts is one of them. If you build a fort or in this case, if you have an actual fort or you pop a tent outside and you do like a little camping, like a inside in the basement camping type of thing, it's

just fun. I think that I think when you go through a car wash, anytime I drive through a drive through car wash, I'm always kind of like this is cool and and anytime I get to a hotel and I put on the robe and you jump on the bed or if there's a swimming pool in the hotel and you're jumping in the pool like Kevin McAllister style those three things I immediately revert back to being like a nine-year-old boy and I love it I completely agree with all three of those things I would also add to the list anytime I see a puppy, like I don't care if I'm walking across the streets in Manhattan or if I'm, you know, somewhere where there's a bunch of dogs, when I see a puppy or a dog in general, but mostly puppies, I am immediately 10 years old.

I mean, I don't care how much of a fool I look like either. My voice changes, my demeanor changes. I think I probably all of a sudden have pigtails out of nowhere. That's what I would add that to the list. Speaking of, uh, your voice changing with dogs, I purchased a, uh, did you ever end up watching love is blind or not? No, I didn't. But I'm deciding. I know. So here's the thing is that I've realized I've done some soul searching during the quarantine. And I realized that I'm just so much of a creature of habit that I don't like to try new things until people talk about it so much or watch new things. And to talk about it so much that I feel like I'm left out for some reason with love is blind. I haven't felt left out yet. I don't know why.

Well, I think it kind of stopped. I think most people who watched it saw it, and now it's kind of like the chatter is over. So I feel like you're not being inundated with it. Maybe so. This girl, Jessica, is like the main girl. She was kind of like the villain that everybody hated and she's on cameo and uh the other day uh jordan berry jb reaches out to me and she said she wanted to get a cameo for kelly martin because kelly watched uh love is blind and she particularly like hated jessica so i bought a cameo of her and And it was like this Two minute video

Where she was like trying to cheer Kelly up And in it So the whole thing about this girl Jessica was that she had this voice She had like a baby voice that she did Out of nowhere That was like totally different than her regular voice Oh I remember you saying that And in the video her dog comes running over to her

And her voice changes And she has the epiphany. She goes like, oh, wait a minute. That's why my voice changes. It's my puppy dog voice. And then she had a moment where she talked about how she can't drink anymore. And she had a moment where she talked about whether or not she's ever going to have grandkids. It got so weird.

It was the weirdest fucking cameo of all time. Two straight minutes of this girl just babbling to Kelly Martin. It was worth every fucking penny. I want to say that's a definitely worth it. So good on you. And B, what a revelation moment that must've been when she realizes like, Oh shit,

this is the reason everybody makes fun of me is because I changed my voice for my dog. And then she just goes into some like deep dive into her own brain of all of her problems. Like good for you, Kevin. You did this for her. Seriously, I said in the cameo, I said, Kelly loves dogs

and wine just like you. And the girl, Jessica, goes like, oh, I heard you love wine. Well, to be honest, I can't even really have a glass of wine anymore after seeing myself on Love is Blind. I was like, oh, yikes. Okay, never mind. Moving on. Almost like too real. It was on love is blind i was like oh yikes okay never mind moving on almost like too real like it was like all right that was like too uh too close to home

yeah exactly uh speaking of home dylan is back on the line he's one of our guys through and through calls every single day now living that quarantine life uh nobody's doing it better than dylan because he is uh housing his ex-wife which is a you know a very honorable thing to do in a trying time so dominican dylan's on the line what's up bud how we doing what a fucking intro man yeah man i mean you deserve a lot of credit for that listen man i'm telling you they put a fucking TV here like Big Brother, this shit would be number one right now. I'm not going to try. It's a fucking drama every day right now. I called my mom the other day drinking a bottle of Henny on a Monday.

I love it. I love it. So it's you, Mom Dukes, the ex-wife, and who else? Anybody else? My little brother and my stepfather. Holy moly. Now, when you talk about your father, you're talking about your real dad or your step-dad?

No, no, my real dad. My step-father is white, so, yeah. What does that mean? What does that mean? It's an important distinction, Kevin. He's like, my step-dad is white, so he's lame. So when I'm talking about the cool guy, I'm not talking about the white one.

He's alright, dude. No, no, no, no. He's all right, dude. He's all right, dude. He's, what's it called? It's good for my mom. No drama and stuff. What is he, like 31? He's probably like 32 years old.

No, no, no. He's actually, what is he? I think he's like 44, 45. God damn, that's still so young, man. That's the same age as Portnoy. It's nuts. It's crazy. He's like 44, 45. My mom's like 41. That is crazy to me.

So wait, now, Dill, I'm so interested in your situation because is your ex-wife just like, is she just in it for the long haul now? Is she even trying to make moves to get back home? Where is home? It's pretty far away, right? Yeah, she just in it for the long haul now? Is she even trying to make moves to get back home? Where is home? It's pretty far away, right?

Yeah, she lives in England. Oh, I didn't realize it was overseas. So there's no shot she can go home. Yeah, there should be. I wish there was a shot, but no. Because I was thinking, like, if it was me, I'd probably be like, you know, all right, well, I'm going to, like, rent a car and drive, like, 36 hours. Like, I got to drive wherever, you know, but I got to get home.

But she's legit stuck, huh? And her parents live, like, all the way. They used to live in South Carolina, but now they live in San Diego. See, I don't know, though, bro. I feel like I would just be like, I'm going to make the trek. I don't know. Wouldn't you, Case? Oh, yeah, if it was my situation, I would have. I feel like I would just be like, I'm going to make the trek. I don't know. Wouldn't you, Case? Oh, yeah, if it was my situation, I would have fucking slammed if I was in England.

I would have slammed. Yeah, no, there's no shot that I would be saying that. The only thing I can think of, and obviously I don't know her at all, never spoken to her, but is there any chance that she could be wanting to get back together with you? Because the only way that I would stay is if i was trying to at some point rekindle the relationship and i was hoping that the longer i stayed the better the chances of that that's what i was thinking man i was thinking the same thing but it's like well there's no signs of that at all

or anything like that but like i'm not lie. This shit keeps going any longer. This shit keeps going any longer. I might have to dip my pen in it, so. Dude, I'm telling you. See, there it is. See, there it is. First of all, Dylan. That's what's happening. Right, right.

She's waiting that out. She's like, I know if I stay here long enough, he's going to be like, you know what, fuck it, whatever. I'm going to have to get laid by my ex-wife. I'm telling you you she knows what she's doing we were just talking about this yesterday is that like right now there's a lot of exes who are rekindling either via text or booty calls because you know you're not going to be able to go out there and meet other people you can't get together in groups you might as well

just go back to something familiar and a lot of people are making that mistake she is right now she's just playing the war of attrition. She's just going to stand there and grind you down until she catches you one night where you're drunk off some wine and your dick's a little hard, and next thing you know, you make a catastrophic mistake, Dylan. I know, but knowing my luck, too, I'll dip the pen, all of a sudden she's pregnant and shit. No, don't you...

No, Dylan, no, Dylan. If you don't wrap it up. I'm good right now. I'm good watching the stars. Right now. This is the problem. You just said before. It's only like day 11.

He said, if this lasts longer. Bro, it's going to last longer. We're going to do this for months. No, you think like multiple months or one? Yes. I think we will be doing this. What is it right now? Let's call it April 1st right now just to be easy.

I think we will be here through May. Jesus Christ. Shit. Memorial Day. We outside going down to the Hanson's and show. We still inside, you think? Well, that's the other thing, too, is I think that we can maybe, like I don't think when this is over

It's going to be like open the floodgates for everything That's why people getting their hopes up for sports I think is extra crazy Yeah I gave up on that The last thing that's going to resume Is going to be gatherings of 50,000 people So I feel like Maybe we can start going back to work

And maybe transportation And some of the basics start up again. But I don't know if like, I don't know if, you know, you know, beaches, crowded spots, you know, that kind of shit I don't think is going to resume for a long time. This thing is getting ridiculous. I know my little brother was telling me, he was like, yo, be careful, my guy. Like, don't be falling into the trap. And I was like, listen, I told him, I was like, you're telling me, I guess you're only 13. How the fuck are i was like listen i told him i was like yeah you're telling me i guess you're only 13 how the fuck you talking like that for it i'm telling you i can i can tell you this from a mile away just being the same gender as her if she was miserable and she felt

the same way about you that you have said you feel about her she would not be there anymore she would have been gone out she would she would have been gone. She would find some way. I thought about, I could jump in a car right now and drive 24 hours, and I would not care. If I needed to get somewhere, I would do that. She is hoping that you're weak. She's hoping that your instincts as a dude kick in,

and that you're like, you know what? It's comfortable. It's biological. You're fighting biology right now. I wouldn't even blame you if it did happen. It's impossible. No, of course not. The only thing that's keeping me hoping is that it's like, Dylan, just look to the summer. The summer's going to be nice, bro.

Just keep looking towards the summer and shit. That's the only thing that keeps me sane. That's also the problem. If this does start to carry on and all of a sudden your summer plans are out the window, then I think you're going to get real weak. Oh, I think I'll leave. I'll leave my own house. I'll go to my past then.

I'm going to be honest. I'm going to be honest, Dylan. I'm surprised you haven't done it already. I am stunned. I feel like you're lying to us. You really haven't? What do you mean? Like leave?

No. Oh, wait. What are you surprised by, Casey? I feel like he? Like leave? No. Oh, wait. What are you surprised by, Casey? I'm surprised he hadn't hooked up with her. Yeah, I'm with Casey. I'm surprised he hadn't hooked up with her. Yeah. Here's why it hasn't happened yet.

Because I've been doing, like, for the most part, the place is big enough where it's like I don't really have to see her that much and stuff unless I'm, like, really want to. And my mom's at the crib, so most of the time she's talking to my mom, blah, blah, blah, blah. I try to stay away as much as possible. Like the only time we chill a lot is like when it's nighttime and we're on the back door or something. Yeah, right.

When it's nighttime and that's when people have sex, Dylan. Listen, I'm doing good right now. Don't you guys try to fucking. I was going to say, we're not doing you any favors planting this seed here, but. guys try to fucking. I was going to say, we're not doing you any favors planting this seed here. No, listen, stay strong, Dylan.

Stay strong. I will tell you right now that even as a female, I probably would have already given in at that point because it's not like you guys just hooked up a little bit. You guys were married, so you have all the history, and it's just in the house in front of you, and no one has anything to do but drink right now. I would have given in week one.

No shot. I'll give her this. The only thing that's been tempting me is not the attitude. I'll give her this. The chick got better looking and shit. Oh, you are fucked. See, he's fucked. He's so fucked.

You are totally fucked, figuratively and literally. If this girl has gotten hotter, you have the history. She's not going anywhere anytime soon. And the only time you guys hang out is at night. You have the history. She's not going anywhere anytime soon. And the only time you guys hang out is at night. You are fucked. Listen, I just gotta stay strong. I just keep thinking

in my head, like, yo, don't do nothing stupid. The summer's coming. And this year, if we get summer, if you don't get girls this summer, and we get summer, something's wrong with you. Yeah Yeah you're right This summer Whenever this does end

It's sure to be Like one giant orgy I'm sure Those girls are gonna be Coming running out of the city Like crazy Yeah Can you imagine being Dylan's age

When this stuff ends No We're in our 30s now So it's like Whatever Can you imagine being in your early 20s When this shit ends Well it's just the like can you imagine being in your early 20s when this shit ends well it's just the extremes like it hits harder because you're like i'm i'm chilling right

now i'm good because it's not like i was going out every night so the the lows aren't as low as it is for if you're young and partying and the highs when it's over it's not like i'm gonna be you know uh partying like crazy anyway so but the highs, the lows right now, the young 20-year-olds are dying. But when it's over, they are going to thrive. So stay strong, Dylan. You say that, Kev, but when this is over, I bet Kev is going to be dipping his pen in a couple girls too. I mean, I would sincerely hope, brother.

I would sincerely hope. I'm just saying that. I'm not going to be at, you know. You got to come out with us. Take it back. We'll take you to Dykeman and stuff. Oh, shit. All right.

Oh, listen. If you can find me some, like, nice Puerto Rican girl with a fat ass who likes to cook and she's all, like, loyal to her man and shit, let's go. I'll have a second wife by the end of my fucking Labor Day. You have the advantage over us because, like, those girls, they see, like, a white dude out, like, somewhere. You get, like, easily. You have the advantage over us because those girls, they see a white dude out somewhere. You get easily. You have the bigger advantage.

Me, personally, I don't deal with Spanish girls no more. I'm the opposite. You go for white girls. White girls and that's it. You know what we should do? They should make a movie. Me and you make a buddy cop movie. We're just not cops.

It's a white guy and a Spanish guy. We go out and you want the white girls and i want the spanish girls and we each give each other the information on on the girls you know what i mean and i'll dress all preppy i'll make sure that i wear like sperrys and khakis and a polo shirt and you and you tell me like all these things to say in spanish and all these like terms and all this like food and culture that i need to know and you dress like a fucking like this like Rico Suave

that the girls can't resist because it's something exotic and I'll tell you what all the Beckys love and next thing you know we've got ourselves a movie. And we'll be cash in check. That's what we need right now.

Seriously. Go make that money dude. We're going to hit our first break. Thanks for calling in again Dill. Stay strong. Keep us updated and when we come back we'll keep it moving. It's me and Casey on CCK Power 85. Go make that money, dude. We're going to hit our first break. Thanks for calling in again, Dill. Stay strong. Keep us updated. And when we come back, we'll keep it moving.

It's me and Casey on CCK Power 85. All right. We're back. I'm living that life in the fort. I'm just chilling, literally chilling. I got my fan blowing. I'm laying on my beanbag chair. I'm in my barstool indoors clothes.

You can go get it right now, the comfiest clothes for quarantine. Get yourself a box of ATI. I'm living that life right now. Casey's on the other end. Rocket is out today. I got a text from my buddy, the big wheeze yesterday case. He just said to me, he said, let me get the exact wording. I read it on KFC radio. And actually, I don't know if you listen to KFC radio today. Did you hear my song, Casey? I haven't listened to it yet today, but please go on. Tell me about it. So me and Fights both made quarantine songs. So this was Fights' idea.

He said he's just been looking at the same objects and the same everything in the one room. And so he made himself a little quarantine song. And Feidelberg wrote like an original song. I've been calling them nickel fights. It's like a Nickelback song where he was like grunge. The ukulele? Yeah. No, he hasn't done the ukulele yet. But he said he's going to incorporate it song where he was like, he was like, yeah, no, he hasn't done the ukulele yet. He said he's going to incorporate it.

But he was like singing. He was like in my quarantine, in my quarantine. And so I it was not my idea. So I just needed to come up with something quickly. So I took, you know, a love song or love. I don't know how to say that fucking guy's name. Such a bad name. You know, fuck, I'm lonely. Oh, yeah. So I turned Lowe's. I don't know how to say that fucking guy's name. Such a bad name. You know, fuck, I'm lonely.

Oh, yeah. So I turned it into fuck, I'm horny. And at the same time, I got a text from the big wheeze. And he said to me, you know, the collective horny level of people is just off the charts right now. Outlandish amounts of horny. And it's it cracks me up because there are so many people out there guys and girls there are probably plenty of guys who you know like you said uh to dylan a minute ago we're only on day like 12 you know and there are plenty of people guys and girls ugly and

and pretty skinny and fat all every walk of life if if you went on a 12-day drought, it wouldn't be the end of the world. There's plenty of people who go on way longer droughts than that. But the fact that you know you can't, and the fact that there's no end in sight, and you know there's nothing scheduled coming up to break this drought, to break this slump, people's horny levels are just astronomical right now. It's absolutely the idea that you you know, it's just not an option unless you are quarantined with somebody else that you are physical with. And at this point, I'm, I'm under the assumption that if your roommates with somebody of the opposite sex, or if you're into the same sex,

whatever, everybody's hooking up. That's operating under that assumption. Like no shot that wouldn't be happening. But I feel like it's because you know, or we know that we cannot and that you are just by yourself. It just ramps it up to a degree that I can't even explain. I love the fact that we can do virtual things right now, virtual therapy. I know Jared talked about it earlier this week. I had mine today what i said to my therapist we're working through all of our other things and i said my mental state is fine i'm not sad i realize i'm really lucky when it comes to like dealing with this virus like i still have a job i still have a great place to live blah blah blah it's the physical part of things it's gonna get real testy for me and it's only day 12. I know. Just like, Doc, I need to fuck. What do I do?

That's why I'm stunned with Dylan. There's no answer. I think that, like, I think, how about this? I'm all about quarantine being a time of innovation and opportunity. If I was an app developer, I would be coming up with some sort of quarantine sex app right now where it's like you can match with someone who's guaranteed somehow to not have coronavirus, who lives in the same, you know, within the same block radius as you, that you can agree. Listen, we're going to meet in this room. We're going to have sex and separate and never talk again. This is just biological.

This is just for the overall safety of the world right now. So many horny people are going to start doing crazy shit if they don't get some of this frustration out. So we need to find a way. And that's the whole thing. It's like I understand there's FaceTime. I understand there's video. I get it. It's 2020. You can literally thing it's like i understand there's facetime i understand there's video i get it it's 2020 you can literally do everything over the phone i get it and normally

i'm like yeah this is a great supplement to a physical relationship but the fact that you know that that's all you can do i feel sorry for the people that have full-blown relationships with fake people online this is what you people deal with? Like, fuck this. Like, I just, yeah, I mean, it's great. Like, I enjoy having the conversation and I enjoy being sexy and doing all these things. That's fine. But the fact that I know I can't physically do it, it's driving me crazy.

Yep, and it's really, like I said, like if I had gone out a couple nights, like let's say we've gone through like two weekends, right? If I had gone out a couple weekends and and tried to hook up and struck out i wouldn't be like going crazy and like that happens all the time people go out you know you go out for six months in a row and you never hook up and it's just like that's the game sometimes you get lucky a lot of times you don't it's like baseball it's like you know three out of ten and you're you're a playboy, you know. But when there's not even the possibility, that's when you start to go, oh, my God.

Because I'm sure there's a lot of people right now that it's like, dude, you wouldn't have gotten laid. You know, you've gotten laid twice in the past year. What are you even talking about? But just to know that it's not even there's not even a chance you can hit the lottery is I think that's what's driving people the craziest. And it's not even it's not even just the sex aspect. Obviously that's like the biggest thing everybody's talking about. And that's why, um, you know, people are being horny online and all that. It honestly, and it's, I don't even care how pathetic it sounds. The idea that I cannot hug a human being is so weird to me. Like I'm a hugger. I grew up in the South. I love to hug people. I hug my friends, whatever. Like I, I want to hug somebody so badly right now that I don't know what to do

with myself. I don't want to hug a stranger either. So people are like, go hug a homeless person. Absolutely not. I want to hug somebody. I want to hug somebody that's going to hug me back and that I'm comfortable with them hugging me. And I can't do that. So it's not even just sexual stuff. It's just physical touch in general. Yeah. You that you know you don't I guess you take for granted like that that matter more than you realize it's just like a a hug here kiss there grab that ass whatever it doesn't have to be like full-blown sex it's just like some sort of affection that really changes your your mental state kind of it really does and i that's why you got to get yourself a fort you hop in the fort and you feel like you're getting fucking snuggled

kevin i have a very funny story about that uh during the commercial break i got a text message from my agent that said so is kevin confirmed uh positive for coronavirus and i said no or he said are they is he still waiting on the test and I said no he's confirmed negative and then immediately got a text back so why is he in a fort in his own place I was like oh he feels safe guys this has nothing to do with coronavirus he just feels safe so people thought I'm just like quarantining like double quarantining like I gotta be inside this like hazmat fort no no I'm just a child that's all I'm just an eight-year-old at heart i don't blame you i i've started to i mean i i have been in long distance relationships for you know a hot minute and so i sleep alone in new york a lot fine

i don't usually have a problem you know what i've been doing is barricading myself in a little bit like i take all my pillows on my bed normally i take them off the bed put them on what i've been doing is not to like hold them i just barricade them a little bit so it feels a little bit. I take all my pillows on my bed. Normally, I take them off the bed. What I've been doing is not to hold them. I just barricade them a little bit so it feels a little bit tighter in my bed so I can sleep better right now. That's fort life. You're just doing it old school. It's great.

I don't see anything wrong with it. Let's go back to the calls. Eric said that we have a Would You Rather on the line from Parker in Baltimore. What's up, Parker? Hey, guys. What's up? just calling here from quarantine rock bottom anyway um so yeah you're talking about like i know you're a mets fan obviously that has to be a problem do you think it's better to be a fan of like the mets or like the redskins or something where you just have no

hope of winning or is it like like like I'm a Louisville fan, and like before we really went shit in football, it's like, yeah, I know. Sorry, Casey. Before we went really shit in football, it's just like. Yeah, well, no, I know where you're going. It's tough. Well, wait. It's just like.

So what, is Louisville like you get your hopes up, you mean? Yeah, because it's like, so when you're a fan of, like, an upper average team, it's just like, oh, like for football, oh, we're just going to go to, like, best case scenario, the Sugar Bowl when it's not a playoff year and then we might win, woo. Or, like, I feel like it's more exciting when your team's just like, hey, how can we fuck this up today? Well, I mean, I can't really speak to the other side.

I will tell you that the Mets, Jets, Knicks existence, I've said it a billion times here. It's just the worst. It's the worst. It's not even the losing. The losing I can deal with. It's the embarrassment. It's the it's the LOL Mets. It's the same old Jets.

It's the the the reputation that just precedes you like and I mean this like kind of sincerely like. Like my career at Barstool, like Dave Portnoy does not take me seriously as a person because because the teams I root for lose. Like when we're having a sports debate, when we're arguing, when we're busting balls, he thinks less of me as a person. As does, you know, anytime you're in a room with guys, you're in a bar with people, you're arguing for your team. People will be like, oh, well, you're just a loser. And they kind of mean like you as a person. So I think it actually changes your life if you root for one of those like dumpster fire type teams yeah no one's ever gonna be like oh you're but i have like a lot of redskins fans friends and it's just like i mean i don't even need to go into that flaming dumpster fire but like it's kind of the same thing they're just like it's

not even the losing it's the dan snyder of it all yes but but like you if you of the same thing they're just like it's not even losing it's the dan snyder of it all yes but but like you if you walked in a room and you're like i'm a louisville football fan no one's gonna be like you know they might they might not be like oh wow you lucky but they're not gonna be like get a load of this fucking asshole the same way it is the last couple years the last couple seasons i would but that's yeah i understand what you're saying I do think in college football it is different because in college football it's like your team can fluctuate so quickly like when you guys have Lamar Jackson like it goes up and down so fast where it's like franchises that are jokes they're always going to be jokes but like your team can be really good and then two years

later be absolutely fucking garbage yeah i mean it's also like being in the same fucking division as clunson it's also just like no matter how good we are we just like we know that the season's going to get derailed when we go into death valley like week seven yeah yeah it's just different because you and like you cycle guys in and out so much faster and like i just feel like if you get like one good recruit everything can change so being a fan of like a loser professional franchise that will never leave you where you could be a fan of a really shitty college football team and in two or three years get enough guys in there and all of a sudden you're winning a national championship or you get you know if you get a new coach like a

prime time coach like you know everything changes let's go to uh guido in chicago he's got some tips for us what's up guido What's up, Guido? What's up, guys? I was thinking about this, and probably a great stock for Dave. I don't even know, but this is probably how the robots get us. All these sexually frustrated people out there that are by themselves, they're going to start buying sex style. And it's meant for weirdos, but now normal people might have to resort to that. So, Casey, get a sex style, make the cock the guy who's on it, and go after it.

Well, no, here's the thing. So girls already, you girls have basically already had sex dolls, all right? You guys have had fucking robots banging you for years, and it's totally fine. If a guy has a sex toy, he's considered a creep. Fact, right, Casey? It's just different because, I mean, first of all, I don't kink shame. I also just don't want to know. If you want to play with a flashlight, just don't fucking tell me.

I don't need to know. But that's what I mean. That's what I mean. If you tell me that you have a vibrator, everyone's like, yeah, okay, whatever. If I were to just come on the air and be like, I fucked a flashlight today, everyone would be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And that's a double standard that's bullshit it is a double standard kevin but it's just one that exists because first of all i do think that it has to do with like you think only girls made that up like i think it also has to do with like guys like the idea that a girl is using a

vibrator they want to see that no girl is sitting at home like you know what i really want to see my dude jerk off today. Why not? Don't get me wrong. I don't know. It's just kind of the way it is. It is the way it is. I don't know.

Maybe vibrators are prettier. But I will say that if a guy wants to use sex toys by himself, more power to him. You just have to know that girls aren't going to think it's as sexy as you think her using her vibrator is. Well, I don't think it needs to be considered sexy. I just, I mean, I just Googled male sex toy. And let me tell you, the fucking, the array of options here is absolutely out of this world. But if anybody were to, like, find out, I would be fucking, you know, I'd be canceled. But I think that...

Just don't tell anybody. You need to get the stock. The sock? No, the stock. What's that? The stock and fucking... Oh, the stock. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The robot fucking sex robot world. If they had it, I have no idea. But I'm just saying, like, that shit's got to be booming right now. Well, listen, honestly, forget about even just the... It doesn't have to be, be like a weird sex robot stock but if you're you know if you buy like uh uh lilo right now or one of these uh like well-known uh sex toy uh brands i'm sure that's gonna be going through the goddamn roof because i bet there's plenty of girls girls who are like still on the fence about sex toys have definitely gotta be breaking down that's the thing is like like you said earlier like girls have been using sex toys like that's just kind

of like what like girls use to me it's not needing something like that it's actually just wanting like a real human there if i was a dude i would understand maybe wanting to spice it up a little bit by yourself but at the same time it's like it still doesn't i mean i know they're like super expensive robots you can have like girlfriends or boyfriends so i'm not going to talk back to you and maybe that's the best part that's the best part the doll doesn't talk to you i understand that that but see that's where that's what i'm missing i don't need the sex part of it i need you know i don't know a real human to be doing it i don't feel like that's so much to ask. I mean, I am looking at this shit right now. I'm about

10 quarantine days away from just caving. This shit is a fucking trip, Casey. This one comes with fucking clothes that you take off. This comes with a pair of

underwear and a pair of black mesh pants. This is wild. Yeah. Have you seen the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where he gets a sex doll? No. Larry does? It's this season. Well, he doesn't buy it.

It ends up being a gift, and then Leon inflates it. It becomes a whole thing. And there's an incredible scene where Cheryl walks in when Larry's trying to deflate it. But it looks like he's having sex with it. And it is so funny. Oh, my God. I mean, I'm really, I'm thinking that eventually if this goes on for a long time, I'm thinking this double standard is going to change.

I think people are going to start caving. shit is crazy let's take one more call here we got ryan later bro we got ryan driving in the car what's up rye hey guys can you hear me yeah what's up uh well first off pole I can relate to what you've been saying. I've been doing distance, and I'm driving from Michigan down to North Carolina right now. So very excited to see my girlfriend. But what I was saying is everyone should, if you can, is rescue a dog. I mean, now's the perfect time to potty train and everything like that. I know what you're saying, but I also feel like now is not the best of times to just have a wild life change. There's just so much uncertainty.

You know what I mean? Fair. But if you're already about to, I guess, why not? Yeah, you're probably right If you're set up for it And you need a little companion And you can go save one That's probably great

But what if all of a sudden they're like You can't go outside, period Now all of a sudden you've got a dog that's cooped up I don't know, it just seems like it might be a risk But that might be an answer for you If you need companionship case Yeah, right? That's what I'm saying You can't fuck a dog, though But, you know, that might be an answer for you if you need companionship case. Yeah, right?

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, no, I thought about it. I mean, you can't fuck a dog, though. No, Kevin, come on. I feel like. Can't do that. I feel like I would love to have a dog, but right now I just feel bad enough that I'm stuck in this little Manhattan apartment. And I guess if I got a teeny dog, but I would feel bad that it's stuck inside with me all the time. I actually feel like it's the opposite.

Don't they say that big dogs are the ones that need that, that just kind of like chill, whereas the little dogs are the ones that are always like running around and shit. I feel like right now. I feel like it's like, uh, it depends on where they're brought up. Like, right. If you have a puppy that grows up in Manhattan and that's what it's used to, that's different. But like if you, like my girlfriend moved in New York and that's what it's used to. That's different. But, like, if you, like, my girlfriend moved in New York, and she brought her golden retriever that had lived seven or eight years in Texas

but had a yard and all that, that's when she gets sad. Well, I mean, basically, the point is that you just got to do what you got to do right now to get through. So whether that's, you know, finding a neighbor or hooking up with an ex, grabbing a puppy or banging a rubber butt, whatever it may be, you know, no one's going to quarantine shame. That's the point right now. And listen, to me, I set up a tent. I watched a video game, baseball game.

You know, I'm living like an absolute weirdo over here so you just got to do what you got to do to survive yeah listen i mean i i feel like just one of those things that everybody's just gonna have to figure out what works for them and on day 20 it might be different than day 100. You never know. That's for fucking certain. So that's the other thing, too, is don't make any proclamations now about what you're absolutely going to do or not do. Because things are going to change week to week, and you're going to find yourself banging a sex robot before you know it. That's it for us. The boys in Chicago are up next. I'll catch you tomorrow live from my fort.

It's KFC signing off. Stay healthy. Stay lazy. Stay lazy. Stay hot. Bye.