KFC Radio - CCK Podcast: Shine Bright Like A Diamond

Episode Date: August 19, 2019

Should Marty Mush date a KFC Radio listener? Who put roads where they are? Do diamonds give off their own light? Best of CCK includes: KFC & Jared wedding this weekend, Daniella thinking KFC has hair plugs, Barstool union, Dave thinking Jeff D Lowe is Hardfactor Will, Boobs vs asses, Kayce getting sent underwear, the dog pound, KFC's new glasses, Mush thinks animals are pricks, Four Loko, 7 minutes in heaven, Jared's food stolen from kitchen, how animals get pregnantYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. She's the moron, that's what it is. You're the moron. That's how we should start, you're a moron. Okay, welcome to the CCK Podcast. Go fuck yourself. You are. I don't know how you can say that whenever we just got off of radio and you tried to convince all of our fine listeners to this Sirius XM channel that diamonds give off their own light well they for sure do

well they just don't I mean like what do you first thing when you think of a diamond what do you think shiny a ring white because of the light Marty I mean I can't get into this you're gonna hear this later in the CCK podcast because that's what we do here we're just gonna rehash all the crazy moments that today, what happened on radio with me, you and John Henry Feidelberg may have been the dumbest radio segment of all time, but I feel like now I'm smarter because I'm going to go research all the

things that we talked about. Yes. But that's also a problem with what's going on here. I don't like learning new things. I know you don't. You're stuck in your ways. I'm stuck in my ways. I enjoy,

I like to know what I want to know I don't want to know other things going out so now what I'm going to do tonight is like read up on this shit and then

now I'm going to have to think about it I told everybody that listened to the radio show like when we walked out I told everybody it was like that's the dumbest

Smarties ever sounded but the smartest you've ever sounded and I realize that I just say that about you all the time now and I have just kind of conceded the fact that I'm never going to understand you I'm a smart dumb person yeah you are very smart dumb person like I tweeted I said you think what you want to

think how do you not live when you said that you acted like that was going to be some groundbreaking philosophy I can't even speak you think about crazy shit I I do think about crazy shit. Exactly, but you don't need to. You think about what makes you happy. Okay, so I actually had a girl ask me this at KFC Radio Live. That was at Caroline's. Thanks for showing up. I had a date.

Did you? Yes. Didn't she cancel on you? She did. So you could have made it. I know. You know, I feel like as somebody that's pretty much a de facto CCK member,

you should have been out there to support. Which I'm very excited about because KFC was my first Barstool podcast I ever listened to. Really? I didn't know that. I know. I don't want to tell him that. Well, he's going to know it now. I mean, so how do you feel that you're just sitting in the KFC radio seat now?

The driver's seat. The first time ever was wild. It's fucking really cool. You were excited about that? Yeah. You should have said that excitement well then actually this plays right into my next question for you because after the show you know john and kevin go out and mingle with all the people that are there obviously to

see them and then jared and i come out and hubs and you know people are kind of yucking it up with us and one of the i talked to a group of guys and two of them were in relationships and one of them was single and i said if you are going to find a girl this is the place to do it because you know that girls that are coming to kfc radio live and that listen to this very feed that we're talking on right now are probably pretty fucking cool so since you're a big kfc radio guy shouldn't you go find a girl that also is a big kfc radio girl what the fuck are you talking about is that just me i obviously made a good point right i mean first when you start making a good point yeah but you could you could tell marty was

checked out like halfway no it's not when you talk that long to one point i just wait for the end to try and figure it out because there's so much information but that wasn't that much information there was so much information what i basically said was to a single guy at a KFC radio live show in Carolina. You pretty much just told me I want to fuck a KFC radio fan or I want to fuck a Barstool fan. No, I didn't say anything about fucking. Which I'm open to it. I said dating. I'm open to that.

I know, but you want to fuck everybody. A whole. That's my motto. I know, but what I'm saying is if you are going to date somebody, it's beneficial to date someone that has the same type of humor that you do, correct? No, I don't really want them to really like me that much. That's just, you don't. You don't want someone that likes you so much because then they're like, I don't talk about you.

What are you talking about? Talk about me. Aren't we? I'm talking about them liking you. I'm saying that the type of entertainment and humor that they would have if they want to go see Kevin and John. This is why we can't ever plan to talk about anything because we literally said we have nothing to talk about and you just say crazy shit. That's not fucking crazy. You're the crazy one.

I don't feel like it's that crazy to say you should want to date somebody that has similar interests as you. No, that's why you can't. You don't want to do that. Why not? Because you need your alone time. Okay, these are not mutually exclusive things. Yes, they are. If you have the same interests, you're going to start doing the same thing.

Okay, Marty. You can understand that there's a difference between being suffocated 24-7 and dating. You have really long eyelashes. Thank you. Holy shit. They're not real. Oh, well, what the fuck? They're called eyelash extensions. They're reaching your eyebrows.

They are not reaching my eyebrows. No, they're not. Not even close. What's like one thing that you really just like... It's just so crazy that it works like that. What? Did you just say to me? Are you high? it's just so crazy that it works like that what? did you just say to me? are you high?

I feel it, I don't know what's going on how hungover are you you think? my hangovers really really start around like 3 o'clock so it's coming soon you just don't get hungover until then? you were a real bag of shit on the radio today so what was that? I don't know it just comes and goes but can you answer the question i don't even know

what you ask me what's one thing you just like holy shit how does this even work like this i mean roads roads i mean that's the most self-explanatory thing in the world no i don't know how it got there how they got there how did someone decide this is where 7th Avenue should be in Manhattan? I don't get it. That's a high thought that I have very often. Who decided to put the interstate right through

this crop of land? I don't know. Well, you have to. What do you mean? What do you mean you have to? No, you don't. That's the whole point. How did that decide to be right there instead of like 50 other feet over what you know what i'm done with this placement of the fucking i don't understand how people like like the first road became the next free they had free land i understand i understand they happen. I'm saying who made the decision to place roads where they are?

Fucking Carl. I don't know. Who the fuck is Carl? That's my go-to name. That's a good name. Hot Pastor's name is Carl. Oh, God. Yeah. Oh, God. You need some God in your life. You're really hungover right now. Yes. I got a mission for you. What's that?

Do you like to do auctions? Yes. I fucking love auctions. You do? Yeah, like I've always wanted. I've been in auctions and raised my hand for like two grand and I'm really hoping I didn't get picked. You know that they don't pick you, they just take your bid if you're first. What?

No. No. Okay, well you clearly don't need to be in public right now so you're gonna do this when you go to home a deal dash do you know what deal dash is explain it i'm about to explain it to you so basically you can go online and you can bid on a bunch of different things like tvs and jewelry i knew you like this clothes you're a big clothes guy these days yeah i'm becoming a cool guy home furnishings for your house that you don't own but but you pretend like you own. That is, we'll get to it after.

Home decor is not talked about enough. It's definitely not talked about enough. Well, we talked about chandeliers a lot. You'll hear that later in the podcast. But you can also bid on those types of things. Computers, even cars. They're all available at deal-dot-com, and you can get 90% off, Mario. That's big time.

So here's where the rush comes in. And this is where I know you're about to get excited. You only have to raise the bids by a penny. That's petty shit. I love it. Yeah, it's amazing. So when the auction clock restarts every 10 seconds when somebody bids, you only have to raise it by a penny. And if no new bids are placed before the clock runs out, you win.

The last bidder wins. And so they have a whole tutorial video, which you probably need to do because your brain is not working. But it's fair and honest. Nobody's going to screw you over. That's smart. Tutorial videos are very smart to do. I think so, too. Yeah.

You get 90-day money-back guarantee on your first bid pack purchase. So the auction starts at $0. Like I said, you have a 10-second countdown. And they've gotten items like a mountain bike for $11, Marty. Pretty cheap. An iPad. How cheap do you think an iPad was on DealDash? An iPad? Yeah. What do you think it went for? $24. An iPad? How cheap do you think an iPad was on DealDash? An iPad?

Yeah. What do you think it went for? $24. An iPad? Oh yeah. You can bid for $24. A 4K TV for under $2. So basically you're losing money again if you don't go to DealDash. And if you don't win the auction, you don't feel sad because you can buy it now. So they're giving you an opportunity to bid and get

the rush or you can just buy it now. What are you waiting for, Marty? Fantastic. What are are you waiting for so don't miss out on these option don't miss out on these awesome deals go to deal dash.com and enter the code kfc now and start bidding today that's code kfc and you can start the rush along with marty mush today and remember that is a 90 day money back guarantee and shipping is always free don't't wait. Start bidding today. It's a rush. You'll have the time of your life. You're going to get a bunch of cool shit on deal-dot-com. It's KFC.

So a couple things are going through my mind right now. We're going to end the podcast, but I guess we're not now. What? Go ahead. No, well, we are. No, go ahead. Oh, well, you have a wrist tattoo. I always correlated wrist tattoos with cool people, and it's upsetting me now.

See, you keep telling me that you don't think that I'm cool, but then you always are like, oh, that outfit was cool. Because wrist is like, I always wanted a wrist tattoo, but I know I can't. Yeah, you can. No, I can't. Actually, you can't. You look like a real asshole. Doesn't fights have one?

Yeah. Well, his is like on his forearm. Yeah, that's another little cool bit. So what do you think about Jared's full sleeve? You have to be able to pull it off. He can pull i can't i don't think i can skinny people usually can because it just covers up their non-muscles see i think the opposite oh well yeah but i also think that guys with like and i'm going right to guys because i don't pay attention to girls tattoos as much like guys with really nice arms with tattoos it's pretty hot what goes through wires

like i haven't stared at the blue wire is there just like metal shit in there well this is the cck podcast the best of barstool it's going through those and the end what are they doing marty i can't even talk my brain is so broken i didn't even drink alcohol fucking roads and i'm look i'm the real fucking scientist look at these wires i hope you guys enjoy the wild week that here i can't even. I hope you guys enjoy the wild week that here, I can't even talk. I can't even talk. The wild week on CCK. Kevin fights Jared, me, Marty, a whole ragtag

crew. I mean, I gotta go home. You've broken my brain. CCK in the 2 o'clock hour. 2 to 4 today. Sorry about it. KB took over. He demanded to do his after show and what KB wants, KB gets. So CCK shifted

to the two to four. Now the girls are out today. They'll be back tomorrow. Back to the regular schedule. So we got two to four leading you into Dave and Barstool Radio. It's me, K Smith and the Rocket. It is a fucking igloo in the sky. So cold right now. I'm wearing full blown

like hoodie. I would rather be this than hot though. Oh, right now. I'm wearing full-blown hoodie. I would rather it be this than hot, though. Oh, for sure. I guess. You know what's going to happen? What? We're about to let these dogs out. We're about to get all animated.

We have to get hot and heavy. We're going to be sweating in a minute. That is true. That's what happens around here. Why is that happening? I mean, Casey, if you just saw the dogs this weekend. I don't want to see it. I don't want to know about it.

The cage was open. The rabid dogs. The collars were off. The picture is enough. Me and the rocket came back from a wedding this weekend. We went straight to the ballpark. We had ourselves a little couple weekends. We were each other's dates basically to a wedding and then we had a baseball game.

We were real close because there was two hotels and the one hotel I called first was like, there's one room left. I was like, well, I guess we know where this is going. The other one had two rooms left. By the skin of our teeth, we were not spooning each other. Although I probably would have. I would have definitely done that.

Who would have been the big spoon? Jared, I like being the little spoon. Jared needs to be manly and he's insecure and shit. I'll be the little spoon. Yeah. I like going to bed big, waking up little. That's a good way to put it. Like I'll spoon your ass to sleep.

And then just roll over. Yeah, but then when I wake up, like you better be spooning that ass. I'll kind of go the opposite to be honest. After a long day, I want to be a little spooned, and in the morning, I want to roll over, big spoon that ass, and start poking. You've got to knock on the door.

I'm more of a knock on the door at night. I'm just picturing the two of you in these scenarios, and I'm not enjoying it at all. I am not having fun. I've got to knock on your door at night, and in the morning, you have to knock on my door. I'm in the morning you have to knock on my door. Exactly. I'm done.

I'm done. You're going to pound on my door in the morning. It's just not happening unless you're violently waking me up. Again, I'm picturing the two of you in these situations and it's horrific. Don't worry about it. Like I, it's just, you know, there's a formula to, to all of it. I feel like people that I know that like morning sex is like a cliche thing i don't i don't get it what do you not get about it i don't get it everyone gets it but you

i'm just trying to stay off right bro i guess but like i mean not if it's like you know you're in a rush you gotta wake up early you gotta get to work i understand all that if you have somewhere to be it's like hey like also also the thing about morning sex at least from my point of view is like nobody's even like really coming you know what i mean so the girls the girls certainly not coming that is just false the girl is certainly not coming and i'm like what are you talking about like i'm not putting in a strong effort in morning sex oh no i'm rolling over and i'm trying to come as fast as i can. I'm offended. You should be.

I'm not saying I would love it if I was a girl. Morning sex to me is much more I'm just trying to get these rocks out. It really depends. Morning sex is a barometer of how much am I into you. If you can get the same experience that you had the night before in the morning, then I'm

pretty much into you. If I'm just like, Hey, I'm trying to fucking sleep. I'm not that into you. I mean, I, I guess I'm somewhere in the middle then let's say where like,

you know, yeah, it's going to be like, it's going to be the spoon position and I'm just going to put it in and like pump a few times and wrap this up falsely. Like, like you're going to to hop up on top and we're going to make a whole production.

It's so hard to get your chicks off. I'm not doing it in the morning when I'm tired. It's like a Rubik's Cube. Sleepy. It's not true. I'm sleepy. It's just not true. It does depend on the girl.

What's not true about what I just said? It's not that hard. Yes, it is. It's harder for you than it is for us. Yeah, but it's still not that hard. It's, I mean, like I said, every girl's a different Rubik's Cube. It takes a couple different moves.

But they're all Rubik's Cube. For sure. There's one fucking move for us. Yeah. Pretty standard. If I'm tired or if I'm hungover, this is just about a little penetration for you and a nut for me. 100%. It's just a fact. That's very sad.

None of us had sex at the wedding, by the way. No, no. I love how this conversation came from the two of you into a wedding. it's just a fact that's very sad none of us had sex at the wedding by the way no no I always want to say I love how this this conversation came from the two of you into a wedding yeah no it was

it was it was more of like we were listening to a baseball game on the back deck of a porch of a beach sounds great

it was fun was it a day wedding? yeah so it wasn't like one of those weddings where like the reception starts at nine so you just get

a shit fit. No, it was so perfect. It was like the ceremony was at 2, the reception was at like 2.09. It was awesome. Quick in and out, couple vows, some heartfelt speeches, no crazy religious stuff, no hour long mass, and then my 20 feet to a tent underneath the tent where there's like the outdoor wedding it was perfect the peak of my intoxication was during the uh dinner when they were doing the speeches oh i was like hammered by a flame yeah

4 30 yeah yeah yeah no i i would say i peaked around around dinner time and then after that i kind of just like a gradual yeah fall there was a funny moment so they're in this wedding like it was outside this little like i don't know, like a little pavilion place. I'm not sure really what it was. And then they had a little area where chairs were lined up. And then, like I said, like 50 feet away was the reception. And so the ceremony's over. They walk to this tent.

And I was like the first non-wedding person behind them. And they go left to go to like this cute little area with trees and a garden and shit to take pictures. And I hear the guy basically says it to me because he realizes I'm not in the family. He's like, family, go to the left for pictures. He's like looking at me. And to the right is the bar. And it's like two o'clock. I just like kind of sidestepped my way over being like,

I guess I'll start this off. So I was the first one to order a drink. And then like everybody just fell in line afterwards. It was great. It was like, so I know it's a day wedding, but we're going to get shit face like it's nighttime. Right. So let's go.

Our wedding table reminded me of like the, the lunch table meme. It's like, this was our, this was our wedding table. Jared Karabas, Kevin Clancy, Dallas Braden, Tim Kirchen,

and Carl Ravitch. Like that. What a table. It was a squad. That is a squad. For sure. A lunch table meme. Squad.

Like, and then he goes down the line and he gets married like a tim kirchner narrating ravi rolling up was very funny yeah i walked in his wife was already there like everyone's kind of settled and then ravi just like walks in yeah like oh he's a star bitch is here yeah ravi's like he's you could tell that ravi's just like a stud uh but that was yeah no it was great it was a great wedding but the whole time so i'm i'm watching this wedding and i'm i'm just thinking to myself this is never gonna be me you're not gonna do it i argued with them all all all like the way there the way back you know some may have said that about one jay hey yeah he was up there doing it. Jay Hay himself had probably said it at times. At least by

this point, he was already in a relationship with who he was going to marry. True. But that's because he just stumbled upon the right one. Yeah, I mean, like for me... Found this hot chick who loves baseball. Yeah. If that happens to you, guess what? I'm not saying that I haven't met someone that I...

I've probably... If I were to get married, I'm sure I've already met that person. I don't think that someone new is coming in to sweep me off my feet at the age of 30. You realize 30 is really young. No, it's not. Not for meeting new people. Not for meeting someone that you're going to marry.

You've met 95% of the people you've met in your life by 30. Think about it. I don't think so. How many more new friends are you acquiring? The next 10 years living in New York City, you're not going to meet anybody new? I think you'll meet somebody new, but you're not going to build a foundation with now.

I'm almost 40. No new friends, man. No new friends. I'm okay with that. If you're 30 and you've already met the person that you're going to marry... Most people end up just going back to the well.

Most people just end up settling. So then you're going to have to meet a whole new person. Like start up with them. Cultivate from day one with them at the age of like 35. With 30 to 35 is a jump. Unless you better get on

your fucking... Aren't you trying to get on like R and stuff so you're trying to meet new people too? I don't know what I'm going to do. Me and Jared narrowed down my criteria and it's not. It's way too specific. But it's attainable.

I guess. It's definitely attainable. A girl between this age and that age who doesn't mind my kids but doesn't really want to have kids of her own who also can deal with my job and my past. I mean, there's a lot of boxes to check.

Yeah. There's a lot of boxes. She's got to suck a mean dick too, am I right? Hell yeah, brother. Gotta treat every night like a holiday inn. Hell yeah. Let's do that popsicle, girl. What that mouth do? What that mouth do, Casey Smith?

I mean, it's a fair criteria. The kids thing is fucked. No, it's not. It is. So many girls want to have their own kids. Yes, she does eventually. No, I don't. No, I don't. I would rather

i would rather if i have to have kids in my life i'd rather them be somebody else yeah like that's what i'm saying there's plenty of like semi-sane girls out there that don't want kids that have no gag reflex don't put those two things together it's disrespectful to the kids you're all about the kids like Don't lump those two things in. The amount, like if I'm I don't know. Yeah, I guess there are I feel like there are girls out there who say that. I don't know if there are girls out there who are really about that life.

I could meet a girl right now who's 20-something who says, I don't want to have kids. And let me tell you something, by 30-something, that story has changed. And now all of a sudden I'm in too deep with a girl who wants kids and I'm like, I told you I didn't want to do this. I don't want to do this anymore. It's John Cena.

Yeah. So I got to go get snipped and be like, I can't. I can't. It's not even an option. I can't. You can't have a Nikki Bella, John Cena situation. That's just not good for business. No.

But the Rocket. Yeah. The Rocket still. I want to be a dad. Right. I'd be the fucking best single dad just create a monster

with no with no woman to be like no that's actually not how you raise a child you were born

in the wrong era bro what do you mean it's so progressive now and women are equals and the man doesn't have say you need to go back to the mad men days, Rocket.

Yeah, no, no, no. I would just rather be a single dad. And how, was you going to adopt a kid? What are you going to do? No, I mean, I'll throw her down. And then what? And then just have it go poorly, like it's inevitably going to do. And then I'll just be like, alright,

I'll take the kids. This is the biggest fantasy situation. You're relieved of your duties as a mother. Yeah, that's usually how it goes. Usually the mom doesn't have interest in the kids. The state usually leans the dad's way. These are all things that definitely always happen. I can frame her

with like drugs. I'd be like, look at this crack pipe that I just found in her center console. You could also kill her, Jared. I mean, there are horrible things you could do here. She doesn't have to die for this, but I mean, at least I can just. You need to find a surrogate. Yeah.

I don't think that you really want to be a single dad. I would love to be a single dad. Kevin's having an awesome time. Bro, you want to be a babysitter. No. You want to be a mentor or some shit. No, I want to be a local. I want to be a literally coach with some skin in the a mentor or something. I want to be a coach. I want to be a coach with some skin in the game.

That's what I want to be. You also want somebody that can help take care of the kid when you want your own time. What are you going to do every single day? She wants grandkids so bad. I'd be like, hey, listen, Ellen. You need to do one of those mentor programs like that movie with Paul Rudd

and Stifler. I need the extra... You need to do one of those mentor programs like that movie with Paul Rudd and Stifler. Yeah. Where they like. No, but I need. Yeah. I need like the extra. But you'll become a part of their life and you'll want that kid to win. That's fine.

Like there's. More importantly. That happens already. More importantly, that kid will be like, I am the Rockets like mentee or whatever it's called. Protégé. Yeah, protégé. And then people are going to be like, well, if this kid sucks, it reflects poorly on Rockets.

So even if you don't feel the love, you'll feel the pressure. I guess. But I just want to see what my offspring would look like. He's probably going to be like, well, if this kid sucks, it reflects poorly on Rocket. So even if you don't feel the love, you'll feel the pressure. I guess. But I just want to see what my offspring would look like. He's probably going to be a stud. I mean, it depends on with who, bro. 50-50, man. I got pictures back of Keegan. I should have exploited that little fucker. I should have been making money off of him as a model. He's gorgeous.

He's a gorgeous looking kid. He's so cute. And when you dress him up in real adult clothes, he looks ridiculous. Looks like he just took a little like blonde like accountant and just shrunk him down. Daniela and I were talking about that over the weekend. I don't know why your kid came up, but he did. And we were like, this kid is so cute.

And he's such like a little bastard. He's so funny. His shit now is he just says, no, thank you. He knows that he's polite, but he'll just say it to everything like, it's time for bath. No, thank you. Time for dinner. no, thank you. He knows that he's polite, but he'll just say it to everything. It's time for a bath. No, thank you. Time for dinner. No, thank you.

That's cute. It's bedtime. Five more minutes. Five more minutes. No, thank you. Well, you are being polite, but it doesn't work this time. Love that guy. I don't know how you do that with kids.

I guess you got to go to auditions and shit like that. This is not fun. You got to be a sick parent to do it but i feel like right now i know i don't i think macaulay culkin's fine now isn't he well after like a fucking picture you tweeted the other day i know but i i think that's actually his healthiest he's like look at me i'm a slob he used to look like a heroin addict because i think he was yeah so yeah unless you like you're down for like 20 years of like therapy i feel like you can't have your kids in the spotlight. Child stars. I haven't stopped talking about this and I'm not going to stop.

Justin Bieber. Casey needs to turn the hose on Casey. I need a cold shower. I was literally picturing me running a bucket of water just over her. Just splashing. Someone's cool as broad down. I can't get over this picture. This is a picture of Justin Bieber's back with his butt out.

No, no, no. His butt is with Haley hugging him. No, no. But that's the thing is it's like, but it's the two of them together on the Internet these days. You can see however many naked people you want. If you want to see a naked girl, go look at any IG model. You're going to find that it the the classy stuff that really gets

me going these days classy yeah this is in comparison i've seen it yeah justin bieber hailey is sitting on like a like a counter justin bieber is standing in between her legs his pants are sagging you see his back he's wearing a like a beanie hat and all his tattoos leaning over and she's got his her hands like right on his, like his waist. I just haven't stopped looking at the photo. I mean, this, I've looked at it probably 500 times.

This does nothing for me. I don't care. I don't care if it doesn't, but I actually, I posted it on my own Instagram story because that's how hot it was to me. And the amount of DMS I got from girls and gay guys about it was fantastic. Like, Oh my God,

this is not one straight guy was like, no, this is really hot. I don't know what it is. That's fine though. Like one of my girlfriends was like i can't believe i am looking at this at work right now like another one's like oh my god i'm so obsessed one of my gay guy friends was like i want to be a third in that and then all the straight guys are like whatever i mean which is fine i can absolutely admit when beaver's hot it's just that picture is not it's

not just beaver it's not it's not that it's just beaver it's just the two of them it's like romantic i guess i don't know what it is. But it really hit well for me, Kevin. Apparently. It really hit well. Apparently. I have not stopped talking about it. No.

I think my whole day has been derailed because of it. I really do. I wrote a blog about it. I want that blown up and put on my ceiling above my bed. I mean, you wrote a blog. You scroll. It's got embedding tweets and pictures. It's a – this is like some – this is like G-rated.

But see, I think that that's why it likes – you know, just hit differently because it's not something that you would normally look at and be like, oh, my God, that's so sexy. But for some reason it is, and I think, you know, it's just one of those things, and now I'm going to be thinking about it all day. If that wasn't Bieber and Baldwin, would you care? Yeah, I think, you know, it's just one of those things. And now I'm going to be thinking about it all day. If that wasn't Bieber and Baldwin, would you care? Yeah, I still think I would think it was pretty hot. I think the black and white has something to do with it, too. You said that. You put a little black and white in things. It makes it sexy.

Yeah, it makes it sexy. You could have like a full-blown porn scene. You make it black and white. And it's like, oh, it's just making love. That would be a hot picture regardless. Like if you just, if they were just no-name people because they both are good-looking people in general. But then you add that it's justin bieber and hayley baldwin and i think bieber is so back right now all he has to do is drop a new album we're back at purpose justin bieber

he's got great uh like those shoulder blade muscles yeah you look at it a little bit longer kevin you're gonna be no i mean i'm not i'm like i wish i had those muscles that that muscle specifically i got great posture i can get you muscle specifically. He's probably got great posture. I can get you those. Yeah? Yeah. He's probably got great posture. Yeah. I don't have to wear that bra anymore.

He sits up straight like a motherfucker. Like a stick up his ass. Yeah. So great. I see why girls would be. Did you see the video he posted of her? Do you follow him on Instagram? No.

Rhea and I talked about it on the group chat. He posted a video of her like slow grinding twerking last week. Oh, that video is terrible terrible but it's not that it's hot because of what she was doing it's more hot that you know the two of them are doing some shit together i totally i saw that and i was like that looks like a white girl with no ass who can't move i don't think we're talking about the same video i think we are i didn't look at it and be like oh my god that's the hottest video ever what i with the fact that he was like can you pull that video up i think it was on his story wasn't it gotta be somewhere though somebody ripped it put

it somewhere i i saw her moving and i was like it was more of the fact again i just googled something i did not mean to google um sorry i got you for a second this is why she usually has the phone cleanse yeah maybe i'm back on the phone cleanse. We should get a fucking, we should get like a squirt gun. Just stop. Yeah, just like a puppy. I didn't expect that.

Spray her face. I didn't expect to open my phone to that. Maybe I'll start whacking her in the nose with a fucking newspaper. Christ. Bad. I don't know. I don't know where I can find this right now.

I'll find it in like three seconds during the break. Yeah. How about while we're speaking of self-improvement, how about Daniela thinking everyone in the office has hair plugs? Okay. I didn't know if we were going to bring that up. Yeah. Because I, you brought up to me. I texted you. And then I brought up to him and apparently she said it about everybody. If you have any hair on your head

in the barstool office, Daniela assumes you have hair plugs. It's Dave's fault because that's what she was going off of. He does though. Well, I know. I know that, it's Dave's fault because that's what she was going off of. Well, he does though. Well, I know. I know that, but I'm saying like that's what she was going off of. So we were, we went out Saturday night and we started talking about, it was Riggs. We were talking about like how happy we were for his eyes and then somehow started talking about

the Mets and Dave and just all that stuff. And she was like, what if Dave just takes his hair plugs out? I don't know why that like popped in her brain. I guess maybe they were talking about it. Can you do that by the way? I don't know why that popped in her brain. Can you do that, by the way? I don't think so. Do they come out eventually, or do they just become part of your scalp? I think they just take the root or whatever.

So it regenerates where you plant it. It's real hair. But she was like, yeah, just imagine if Dave did that. Imagine if Kevin took out his hair plugs. And I looked at her, and I was like, wait, Kevin doesn't have hair plugs. I mean, I'll take it as a great compliment i guess to assume that this is like i would need to have have done it surgically to have hair like i'm saying luscious locks but i like when she said it she she said it so casually that i thought she was just making a joke like yeah like imagine like

dave takes out his hair plugs kevin and i was like i paused for a second i took a drink of my margarita and set it down and was like wait wait, we're going to go back to that. Let's circle back. Let's circle back. Kevin doesn't have hair. She texted me like that. She does. And I could tell that you were on the right side of this.

You were like, can you settle a fucking bet between me and Daniela? Do you or do you not have fucking hair? I was like, I'm pretty. I was like, all right. My girl case is on the right side here. I know she's picked right. So then once I thought I convinced her that you don't, cause obviously you text me back and you're like, I'm never going to talk to Daniela for this.

Then she brings up, she thinks fights has them. Well, I text fights, same thing. And he was like, why does she think that? And I was like, if you have hair, I think Daniela automatically thinks every guy is bald. And if they have hair, you have had to surgically implant it. Well, fights leaned into it and was like well she's right i got him three years ago so i'm i've had and i know that he

doesn't but the way he texted back and like i had had just enough to drink where i was like shit did i miss i was like did you get it from dr leonard because obviously in boston everybody gets him from dr leonard and he said dr kvorkian which and i knew obviously it was fake but i told danielle i was like hey dr kvorkian gave and she was like oh damn so she looks up dr kevorkian which and i knew obviously it was fake but i told danielle i was like hey dr kevorkian and she was like oh damn so she looks up dr kevorkian and see sees his hair and she's like he's got nice i was like daniella he was the assisted suicide guy one of the most infamous doctors of all time and like she once like once we processed it she's like oh my god that was really stupid yeah but then she continued and said she thinks Jared has them.

She was like, Brett, Brett's like 20 years old. No, she said no, Brett, because he is 24. And she was like, anybody who's 30 in the office that has good hair probably has hair plugs. And no matter what I said to her, it didn't matter. I'm pretty sure it's like prohibitively expensive. Yeah. Like Dave didn't even pay for it.

He did it in like a barter thing. Tom Curran got them done by Dr. Leonard and he got them as a barter thing. I'm pretty sure if I started to go thin in the back, I probably would get them. And that's fine, but she was

thoroughly convinced that Kevin had them. That's where it started. And I think once I proved her wrong with you, she was just going to start going down the list no it's just a hope one of them stuck they said uh this just google says four to fifteen thousand that's uh that's less than i thought i'll probably get hair plugs too then yeah apparently dave said it's like super painful i also feel like it's like you're awake the whole time i would if i if i ever needed it i wouldn't need it in the back i would need it Like you're awake the whole time? If I ever needed it, I wouldn't need it in the back. I would need it in the front. And I don't know if you can do it in the front.

But I don't know. Pain is beauty, man. I think I would deal with the pain of hair plugs to not be bald. I mean, imagine how bad Dave's spot would be by now. Because it would keep getting worse. He would have like a full-blown. He would be going like to the crown like territory. You know what I mean?

Like around like that. Did you see the tweet the the gross dave yes yeah i i just i didn't that's him i mean go go to people with stool on twitter this guy is is gross dave like he's still this fucking the guy who tweeted it when when private what an asshole what a dickhead asshole, dude. What do you have to hide? Viva La Soul probably ripped it, though, right? Let me see. I don't know.

If you tweet out something harmless and then go fucking private. Oh, I mean, he probably, like his tweet was going viral and he's like, wait, I have a bunch of racist tweets. Yeah. I should probably get rid of.

All right. Well, this is a screen grab of it. So you got it. I mean, that's gross, Dave. That's current? That's like today. That's not Dave. That's like another person.

Like somebody else? Yes. That's weird. I was like, what if that's Dave? And what if that is like an imposter, a robot? Would he come because of a robot? Paul McCartney? Yeah.

You've never seen that conspiracy theory? What if Dave, somebody said... That's real, by the way. That Paul McCartney died Yeah. Conspiracy theory. What if Dave, somebody said. That's real, by the way. That Paul McCartney died a long time ago. I mean, those things are not. There are certain things are conspiracy theories. That picture is creepy. And certain things are.

Way too many smoking guns. Somebody said, Gross Dave is just controlling his robot Dave body from a basement in Boston housing baguettes. Imagine that. Gross Dave would be so gross by now. If he didn't clean himself up slash get a robot, he would be five more years deep of baguettes and hunchback and balding and nose growing and Starbucks

and the Dunkin' Donuts coffees with all the cream in it. Can you imagine that Deke Zucker quote right now? Gross Dave would be so gross by now at KFC Barstool. That's going to be something. I mean, think about it. Look, he's walking by right now. He's skinny and tan and shit. There's probably a fat guy controlling him.

Walk to the bathroom. Like a drone or something above watching him. It's like if you've seen the new Spider-Man, that's what Dave is doing. Gross Dave has drones everywhere like painting a picture. It's more plausible than what's going on over here definitely yeah you don't you know what's so funny he had in the stone cold picture he was like jacked yeah and then like the next pizza review he was wearing a tank top and he's like moving his arms and he had like the old lady like which one is it man i don't know you're like a two-face with your own body brings out that day.

That one's in the shop. My jacked one's in the shop, so you get the low model. You don't get your best looking that you've ever been in life at 42. When you get money, you do. Yeah, people aren't ever ugly. They're poor. It's Tom Brady. It's Dave. It's like once you have the money to buy the hair, to be on vacation all the time, to get

tanned, to start eating better food, and then also you have a little bit of status that comes with your money, so now you have the money to buy the hair, to be on vacation all the time, to get tanned, to start eating better food. And then also you have a little bit of status that comes with your money. So now you have the real motivation. What was the motivation for gross Dave? None. None. Nobody knew him at that point. Relatively small, you know.

Now he's like, you know, all over the place. He wants to like always look good. Now he's motivated, you know. Good for him. I mean, I just want to get either a robot or Rich on the other. Let's take HGH. We got to stop talking about it. We got to be.

If you guys do start taking HGH, let Tommy know, because I think Tommy is like in the market. No, no, no. I mean, it's on the outside. Yeah. And listen, he's yeah, he's team Bordeaux. Dogs only. Yeah. Tommy's like.

Yeah, it's deep. I don't even like the face. It's like a arf, arf. It's deep. I don't even like the face. It's like a visceral thing. He comes from the gut case. He's more of like a, oop, oop. He yelps. Bark like a man. Bark for us, Casey. No.

No, I'm not doing it. You want to be a dog? I don't want to be a dog. I don't want a part of the two of you club. But here's the thing. I don't want it. But here's the thing. Yes, you do. No, I don't. Yes, you do. No, I don't. Do you want to be at the Mets game? Yes, you did. Yes, I did. And guess who was at the Mets game? A couple of dogs. But I didn't...

Had I had to bark to go to it, I wouldn't have done it. I mean, you act like we're making you do something that we also don't do. It's not like... That's not it. I don't... I'm just not going to bark. You're going to get drunk. It's not like a humiliating initiation. It's just like... I don't do. That's not it. I'm just not going to bark. It's not like a humiliating initiation. I don't need an initiation with you two. Within a week, Casey's going to get drunk and I'm going to go to bark.

Yeah, we're going to get it. You're going to be taking pulls from a bottle of Makers going, No, Kevin, it's football season. Responsible Casey's here. Oh, is that how it's going to work? Yeah. Every football season I make great life decisions. Hard disagree. Dogs.

Wait. Do you understand that we're giving you access to this allegiance that's very, very small right now? You should be like, you know. There's two. Guys, I'm already at the lunch table. I don't need to start barking. No, there's a big difference between the lunch table and the dog pound. Yes. I don't need to start barking. There's a big difference between the lunch table and the dog pound.

I don't want to be in the dog pound. Lunch is not even a thing. I'm good outside the dog pound. You want to be in the dog pound. You don't even know what goes on in the dog pound. Maybe in February when my life slows down, I'll want to be in the dog pound and I'll bark for you then.

That's fair. You will bark for me and I'll bark for you then. That's fair. You will bark for me. I will bark for you in Miami for the Super Bowl, Kevin. Oh, okay. Because, going back to Daniello, we have discussed what that trip is going to be, and everybody's going to be in the dog pound.

Yeah. No, no, no. What did we have last night? Everybody will be lining up, and they'll be barking to get in the dog pound. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no. What did we have last say on that? Listen, you could see everyone be lining up and they'll be barking to get into the dog pound. We will let you know if you're barking hard enough.

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And again, if you hate it, you can just return it for a full refund, but I promise that you won't. That's O-M-A-X-H-E-A-L-T-H.com slash KFC sleep today to get a 50% off, one month supply and free shipping and a three night money back guarantee. Omaxhealth.com slash KFC sleep terms and conditions to apply. Jill, Jilly football just came back. Yeah. And she comes up to me and she goes, Marty, I learned some new words. No one told me what rat means, but I learned new words. And the first one she goes, I'm embarrassed.

I don't know what it means, but taint. She did it. I swear to God. No, she didn't. I said, Jill. And then she goes, what about golden showers? I said, Jill, stop peeing on people. She had to have been trolling you.

She was not. And she doesn't know whateing on people. She had to have been trolling you. She was not. And she doesn't know what trolling is. She had no idea. Did Big Cat and PFT put her up to that? No. It said it was like her 18-year-old and 21-year-old grandkids. Oh, what assholes. They were playing that game, something after dark or something.

I don't know. That's incredible. And when she said taint, I almost shit myself. Did she not Google it before? She doesn't Google. What? Marty. How old is she?

She's not 250 years old. She's 69. And it's old. She's the best old person besides my grandma I've ever met. Oh, Jilly Football is incredible. She's great. She makes me so happy. One of the first encounters I saw with her and John Feidelberg, which is still one of

my favorite encounters I've seen in a long time, is after the cruise ship story. You heard that story where John was running around calling me a rapist. I actually didn't hear the cruise ship story. We can run it back. No, we don't need to run it back. We don't need to run it back. We can run it back. No, we don't.

Long story short, Marty. She assaulted a young boy. No, no, no. I was 17. I was going into my senior year of high school. He told me he was going into his junior year of high school. Turns out he was not. He was going into his freshman year of high school.

We don't have to get into this. Yeah, sexual assault. That's like a crime. No, it's not. I was a minor too. I was a minor too. I'm not getting into this again. Yeah.

Ew. It's bad. I was bamboozled. I was bamboozled. I was bamboozled I was bamboozled I was bamboozled I promise so I'll tell you the whole story another time It's real bad Details are gory

No they're not that gory They're explicit What's the youngest you would like Go on a date with 21 have to be able to get a drink Cause I'm going out at 21 real quick Hell yeah. Tomorrow. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it. Well, you're also only like, what?

25? Yeah. That's not right. Yeah. Jared's 30. So that would be... It doesn't matter. Like, if you can get a drink and hold a conversation, I feel like you should also include that detail, then, like, you're fine. Yeah. I agree with that. I agree. You have to be able to hold it. There's, like, there's fucking 30-year-olds that act 16

and then there's 21-year-olds that act like they're 30. We don't need to hold a conversation. You're just not looking for anything but sex at this point. Numbers are flying. Anyway, I don't even know why we started talking about that. Oh, Jilly Football. She was very upset that Fights said I was a rapist because he then made the story that I was my age now and hooked up with a 14 year old and the look on her face was like

how in God's name am I working at this company? And I had to like sit down with her and explain to her what happened. But she's just so innocent in comparison to the idiots that we work here. I also just had to show her where the tank is. You shouldn't say that on radio. What do you mean?

I showed her where the tank is. I was like it that on radio. What do you mean? I showed her where the tank is. I was like, it's between the ass and the balls. It's a buffer area. Yeah. How else are you going to explain that without a visual? Just the fact that this is what's being talked about on national radio right now.

It's like this whole unionizing talk. Are you above that, Casey? No, I'm saying that this is when people are like, Barstool needs to unionize and then this is the conversation we have and nobody's going to stop. It's like, whole unionizing talk. Are you above that, Casey? No, I'm saying that this is when people are like, Barstool needs to unionize, and then this is the conversation we have, and nobody's going to stop. It's like, I think we're doing all right. I think we're doing okay with our rights here. With all this union shit,

I think we're not going to become a union. I think other people are going to protest outside our building about Dave. Oh, for sure. It's already starting to happen. I saw some, Again, I pretend like I know all these laws and legal rights and all this shit, but the...

I'm seeing people are saying that you can file complaints for unions on behalf of Barstool. Oh, yeah. Are you guys going to get fired? No. We just started it. He said that he thinks people are going to pick it outside against Dave. I think other people are going to protest.

But I do want to get the rat. I want that big ass rat. Every time I see that now, I think I'm already... It's the first time I can say something rat and it actually makes sense. I told you how me and my idiot friends have been saying that for years. Every time any of us walks past a what's it called? A picket or whatever.

The group chat starts flying. The rat comes out. You guys are crazy for even talking about it. Dave's going to fire everybody. Dave's going to fire anybody who even says the word union. I saw they were talking about it on the Yak because Deke Zucker was on one today. But Dan said something along the lines of

what are we going to unionize against? No more unlimited vacation? Dave should fire more people? It was a perfect quote because it's true. What could we possibly ask unionize against? Like no more unlimited vacation. Like Dave should fire more people. Like it was a perfect quote. Cause it's true. It's like, what could we possibly ask for more here? No vacation shaming. I would like that, but is it worth unionizing? No, I don't think so. It's like, like Ellie was saying earlier, she was like, I have friends who work at companies that can't actually take bathroom breaks. And I was like, I could go live in that bathroom for five days this week. And no one would say shit to me. No one would even care.

Casey, you could just like live in your home. You'd probably just not even come and maybe not say anything. Make sure you like tweet once in a while. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody would even pay attention. It goes back to, it's like everybody outside of Barstool wants to tell people inside of Barstool how they should work, how they should feel about working here and what we need. It's like, listen, I'm coming in every day and I'm just like, like I'm living my life.

I'm doing pretty good. They can't wrap their head around the idea that Barstool is not a terrible place. Yeah. So they think that you show up and as a woman, you're being like berated or something or harassed and they just will not accept it. When every single girl who works here is like,

that's not what it's fucking like. And they can't accept the idea. Well, I don't know. I guess I will say this. Uh, I i think it i think it just takes a certain type of person to work here and you know like i uh you know my boss goes on camera and calls my kids a bunch of rats and i'm just like oh okay i'm all right with that doesn't really bother me so someone else might be like you need to unionize so that he doesn't say those things about you and it's like i don't really care and I just want to keep my paychecks coming. He can say silly shit about my kids

and it's, you know, so some of those things might look like him too. Yeah, I know. And that's what people forget is that like, you know, Dave is an asshole, but on any given, any given day you can be like, fuck Dave Portnoy. And he might hate you and go back at you,

and you might not have a great relationship with him, but you're not going to be fired. But I feel like even the people that... Let's not turn this into sucking Dave's dick. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, I, like, the fact is, is that people can't wrap their head around it.

But even if, like, we were talking about it in the Blogger Bay earlier, which I'm just going to call it that from now on. Nobody's going to stop me. I was like, even if we did, like, where we all are earlier, which I'm just going to call it that from now on. Nobody's gonna stop me. Um, I was like, even if we did like where we all are, I don't know what else to call it. It's, it's a,

it's a work in title. Okay. It's fine. Even if we opened up our doors for like a week and let all these blue checkmark brigades, we did fucking HBO. But I'm saying, but like,

this place is a nightmare. I'm talking about just like, like open viewing, like any of the blue checkmark brigade that hates us wants to come in and like be an investigative journalist and like sit in our offices. They'll be here for a week and then they'll walk out and they'll still be like, they were acting the whole time.

I know. Like that's what they would say. That's why, that's why if we ever do that again, we have to do it with someone who has no idea who we are and maybe just heard or like saw a hit piece and was like, well, what the fuck is this all about? And then they go in and then they can actually say or at least being open

to the idea of changing your mind like you might come in being like fuck barstool and then when you see it like i think that's what happened i think so without o'brien or at least her producers and shit were probably a little surprised but they were like well the angle of like barstool's misogynistic still plays so let's just go with that yeah rather than being like you know i just i don't want to go back to all that but how much more compelling of a piece would it have been if they said you know hbo showed up with the preconceived notion yeah we did our own research and our own investigation and it turns out all these other outlets are fucking wrong yeah honestly i had this like little theory that they like when hbo came here they probably thought that we held like a. Everyone was in the same room.

Alright, everyone be on your best behavior. HBO's coming and we don't know what they're going to say. I didn't even fucking know. A guy was in here with a camera. I thought he was filming a porno. I don't know what the fuck was going on. We were talking about the most grimy shit. I had no idea that guy was from HBO. If there was any

acting, we're terrible at it. People also think we do way more behind the scenes than we actually do. We show up, I don't even know what's going on every night. I just figure out what I have to do that day. I mean, even the serious guys here who used to work at

headquarters, now they're here with us. We show up at, I mean, I showed up today at one Oh three for a one o'clock show, but everyone else shows up at 1259 50. Yeah. And you know, I don't think there's many other shows that operate that way.

We do the rundown with about four minutes of prep and the amount of shit that people will be like, this is a work. You guys are coming up. This is a, this is a, a, this is scripted.

Like, dude, if this is scripted, we're going to Hollywood and we're winning Oscars. I would love to see Dave take on the role of Vince McMahon. What a scripted Barstool storyline would look like in his

mind. If he just started pointing out you're going to do this, you're going to react like that. He's going to say this and then the long term plan is the big reveal here. Can you picture Dave doing that? You know what that is? A lot of fucking work yeah and that's the whole point of trying to get a job at barstool is to not work why script it when you're not hard but you know like eventually things are gonna blow up but you know what's the the fact is stranger than fiction sort of thing i mean

the one time i can remember trying to act we were driving to the super bowl in houston okay uh in the rv and it was like that like 10 day trip and we passed like it there's like two atlantas there's obviously like the main atlanta and then there was another atlanta and we passed that i think it was atlanta but a city a big city that had two two different places and we passed the sign and all of us kind of were like huh like and you could see that everybody was confused, being like, do we drive the wrong way? And then someone spoke up about it. And it was like, oh, it's not Atlanta, Georgia. It's Atlanta, Mississippi, whatever the fuck it was.

And then we had this idea to go back and drive past it and have it be like, I think the idea was like, Hank, you drove us the wrong, like, dumb and dumber, like 500 miles in the wrong direction whatever it was and we do this second take and it's like we pass the sign and dave turns around like is that that atlanta and like we start acting and it was like and cut and hank goes that was so fucking terrible like he didn't even sugarcoat it and that was pretty early on like before hank was like in pmt was like you know super killing it yeah so for him to just be like you guys fucking stunk i mean it was so bad because we tried to write a script about we thought we were in the wrong city like and it was like how about we just get back to like you know your tooth is falling out of your head dave you hate everybody we're crammed on this shitty bus like it's much better than pretending we're in the wrong city. Can you imagine if we sat down

even just bi-weekly or something and Dave was like, alright, these are the two people that are going to fight this week. These are the two people that are going to hate each other. It would never be... What year was that? 2017? Houston Super Bowl? It was right after Shea was... It had to have been like 16? Right before Shea was born.

15 or 16? 15. It was... Oh wait, now I'm mixing up the NLCS 16 15 it was you know it was oh wait now i'm mixing up the nlcs if it was the houston super bowl houston super bowl was 2017 it wasn't because i didn't i hadn't so then maybe it was the nlcs bus i don't know we were on the bus i'm mixing up all my times because i i was the one that found the dentist for dave in like nashville i don't know what the fuck it was when his tooth was dying. I've never seen him that. I've seen his nose bleed. I've seen him fat. I've seen him

on no sleep. When he had the alien growing in his mouth. But the tooth fiasco was like, I thought he was going to die. He was laying in that bed for the entire trip. He powered through that hard. I gotta give giving credit on that.

Comedy central. Yeah. Yeah. So it was like leading up. Yeah. That was, yeah. I'm just in 17.

Damn. That feels sometimes Barstool feels like all that, like flew by other times. I feel like, oh, that felt like ages ago. Yeah. Unless I'm wrong,

but I'm pretty sure. Let's talk to David on the unions. We got Dave. Just some advice for you, Kevin. I'll keep it quick. You're on the other side of this. You got equity. You can't be on the unions. We got Dave. Just some advice for you, Kevin. I'll keep it quick. You're on the other side of this. You got equity. You can't be in the union.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, fuck you guys then. Fuck unions. Fuck that shit. Yeah, well, I mean, is that a rule or you're just saying it would be a massive conflict of interest and I would be stupid to do so? Because if it's only just a conflict of interest, I'd maybe ride with that and join the union with you guys. It's one of those things that goes back to, and I'm not comparing this. I'd like to say that out loud.

I'm not comparing unionizing to racism. I'm not doing it. Oh boy. But there is cut the mics, cut the mics off. But like there are actually people who do need to unionize out there that need those rights from their employer that are going through real shit. We're not one of them. So it's like the fake racism. It's like there's actual racism out there that we should be fighting. It's not LeBron James and Kevin Clancy. Like that's the thing with this union thing that's so ridiculous.

It's like I understand unions are needed. I understand everybody has the right to them. Us here at Barstool Sports did not need a union. I feel like the people who are in unions, it's almost like a personality trait. You know what I mean?

There are some people who really love the union life. But there are people that don't have their rights either, and I totally get that.

Like, don't have health insurance, whatever. That does not apply to anybody in this building. sweatshop. Like in those

iPhone Chinese factory workers who jump off the building. And they need the help. You know what their union did?

They installed nets so that when you jump off the building to kill yourself you don't die how about just uh fixing the conditions so we don't have to jump off the building they legit were just they put nets in between the buildings so like you jump up too bad you didn't you didn't die get back in there and start making that fucking iphone x we have a bar that has vodka on tap just so we can have fun. I think we're doing alright. We also have healthcare and 401k shit I just found out about.

But regardless... Wait, we have 401k? Yes. Huh. Good to know. I know. I just found out. Yeah. I think we're doing okay. We do, but we don't. Okay. Yeah. Mark, what do you got? We do, but we don't. Hey, what do you got we do we don't hey um i think you guys are approaching this the right way um i think it's just about the right to unionize i think you

look at each employer differently and in your case i think what you're saying makes sense but there's plenty of places uh where it doesn't you know i mean there's a lot of different studies you can point to in the new york times you know last year mean, there's a lot of different studies you can point to in the New York Times. You know, last year had a big one called Fresh Proof that strong unions help reduce income inequality that you guys can Google later if you're actually interested in it. Well, there is a zero percent chance I do that. But, yeah, I certainly understand the idea. I wasn't pulling it out of my ass. Yeah, no, listen know we believe you and

it's not something that anybody would ever really dispute i also i don't know about the ringer because the ringer is kind of legit i know that like sp nation and some of those other places that are just like an amalgam of like of writers that you just like you know grab free labor i those guys got paid absolute dirt and sp nation built like a pretty successful company company basically what Bleacher Report did yeah well I think Bleacher Report started that way I know that Bleacher uh an interesting story with Bleacher is they did that in the beginning they crowdsource or whatever you want to call it you know they were like finding free bloggers

and that was their model uh like we'll just have every team covered every market covered whatever and um the they told them to like make very clickable blogs like lists that's why it's always like top 10 this top 10 that about whatever was going on in the news at the time and a a blogger who was on like staff for free ended up writing a blog that was like top 10 something to do with the tsunami. It was like top 10 reactions to the tsunami that killed like 250,000 people. And they were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's not what we meant. And they realized that they had spiraled too far out.

And I think they kind of roped it back in. So that works to an extent but then if you're going to get popular enough where eyeballs are on you and you got to like make sure that you kind of trust uh who's writing under your name really you know right i but i but those places you know i mean everybody gets paid pretty fairly here so that's what i mean that's what it really comes down to is getting paid enough like i guess benefits matter too but the rest i mean we're not like the turn of the century industrial revolution working in the fucking the shirt factory yeah that catches on fire we're you know we all have good living conditions dude that was like hey like if any barstool employees want to learn about unions like

message me privately like anybody here would be like hmm dave's not gonna find out about this let me let me check it out and Not only that. Dan just tweeting it. Not only that, even further down the line of that, imagine anybody actually thinking that we need to unionize here. That's what's so crazy to me. Everybody just hates Dave so much.

It's like, yeah, no, he's an asshole, but it has nothing to do with working conditions and payment and salaries and shit. I did think about that. The only thing is that would have to become a work. That would have to be acting because he will fire everybody. Dave will fire every person. I'm assuming except for Team Portnoy, you guys wouldn't be joining the picket.

Hell the fuck no. So I feel like Dave would be surrounded by Team Portnoy and that's it before he let anybody unionize. I feel like he'd fire Dan and R.B.D. It wouldn't fucking matter. Nardini, you're out. I think he would burn it to the ground before he ever let a union have control of him. I want to steal Big Cat's idea where he takes people aside, take them really serious, start a list of who would actually unionize and then sell it to Dave. Did they tell the story about when Dave first caught wind of this? him really serious like start a list of who would actually unionize and then sell it to dave did

they did they tell the story about uh when dave like first caught wind of this no no i i don't we started talking about it as soon as you walked well i'm just i don't know i don't know if yak covered it but yesterday jack mack um was kind of coming up with that idea like blogging like who would be uh who would unionize and d Dave caught wind that he was writing it. On Jack Mack's list was hard factor Jeff. Dave turned to

Jeff D. Lowe. In the slowest turn in history. Coley said he was spun to him and went stomping after him and he had such a look in his eyes that coley and gaz who loves the drama like usually gaz just like sits back and lets it happen they like jumped in the way and they were like no no no no no no no that guy is not hard factor he has nothing to do with hard factor also this is a fictional blog like and

dave goes like he like like snapped out of it and he was like like oh it's not hard factor je this is a fictional blog like and dave goes like he like like snapped out of it and he was like like oh it's not hard factor jeff he's like oh yeah jeff d low uh lights camera magic okay and walks away i was like dude if you don't change your name your podcast name to lights camera magic right fucking now it's the funniest fucking thought that i mean all of it coming together like this guy being like i'm the boss here you guys don't need unions i know everything and everybody hard factor jeff mixes it up with jeff d lowe and then calls his show lights camera magic i mean that's he's become vincent man he really has but it's but it's none of it is is a work none it's all fucking genuine and i understand that that that is hard to understand sometimes. He just doesn't know anybody's name.

He will call you Carabas forever. He called Coley Cooley for eternity. I'm coming up on five years, though. He should probably run that back. I think he called right at the border. I think Fights was Feats for seven. He called Fights, Feats, and fights was feats for like seven. Yeah, he called fights feats and coley cooley. For a long time.

Yeah. So you'd be right that five should be the number. I have a video of him calling me Karabas, though. It slipped out one time? Yeah. Yeah. It was during the Dave Dombrowski thing. When Dave Dombrowski said that Barstool has no credibility,

he was like, my guy Karabas, he knows everything. It's the best. If you're ever going to say my name correctly with that, done. I mean, McCulkey Culkin, it's real. I know it seems impossible, but you got to also think that bloggers are not like artists, but we're like a weird kind of creative bunch and those people are like savants and all he's like the dumbest i've said forever he's the dumbest millionaire in the world like his brain works incredible in some ways yeah content and and business and all that shit and

then like in other ways such as uh remembering a name can't do it and out the window it's like homer simpson you only have like so much room in your brain and you can't like if you if you started to remember names he would forget how to block. It's like when he starts doxing people by accident. People are like, oh, he's such an asshole. It's like, well, no, no, no. He actually doesn't realize that he just doxed somebody. He doesn't understand that the phone number is at the top of the screenshot.

I saw that pop up the other day because he screenshotted something from Dan, and it said Big Cat New, and Dan tweeted and was like, that was five years ago when he accidentally, big cat new. That was a classic. Take some more calls here. People are loving this union talk. Mike, what do you got? Hey, what's up guys? Two quick points. And I'll, I'll shut up and listen. The last caller, good idea about right to unionize versus you guys need it. Didn't think about it that way. Second thing is, this industry, you guys know way more than me, but doesn't lend itself to a union, right? Imagine if Tommy the Plumber

had 100,000 Twitter followers and could get people to do stuff that quickly. It doesn't lead itself to the personality economy. Second point, hear me out. What if this was an elaborate deep state sting operation by Mike the Bike because Buddha Ben's on his way out

trying to get everybody back. Where is Buddha Ben going, by the way? I saw that. I was upset to see that. He's a fucking great cameraman, great editor. I think he's like in a freelance or something. Is that where it all started? Maybe Buddha Ben is the Susan B. Anthony or some shit of this

fucking cause. I will say, I mean... I like that guy's voice, by the way. I don't know why. That guy sounded like he could convince me to believe whatever he had to say. Oh, really? Yeah. Might call up Casey again.

You know, I think that maybe we could... You know, when you look around, there's really not that many internet personalities. There's other websites, but there's not other personalities. No. So I think we could unionize. Speaking of,

I don't know if he's still down there. Whenever you came in, there was a kid outside this morning that was following people into the lobby of the building. And he would be like, do you blog for Barstool? And I was walking in the elevator. Brett Merriman was down there, too. And he's like, do you guys blog for Barstool? And as I'm getting out of the elevator, I was like, yeah. He goes, oh, can I get a picture?

And he's just following people into the lobby and following out. It was very very weird know the person that's what i said i was like i was actually on my way to a meeting about the classic so i couldn't but it was like if you would have stopped me and been like hey casey hey brett hey whoever like different just asking everybody that walked in the building if they blog for bar there's uh these two guys at serious headquarters you ever see them the twins no these uh two like i don't know uh maybe 30 something year old twins they dress exactly the same they dress there no oh they um they dress like uh kind of like 2000 early 2000s rappers they always have like throwbacks and like fitteds on like always matching and they just stand outside of serious and they just collect autographs that's it that's all they do that's it do they sell them i don't. I don't know what they do with them.

They're there all the time. And I think they almost ask almost anybody they think is coming through. They haven't asked me. Have you ever signed something? I have signed a couple things. It's awkward. It's very weird. The first time I ever signed something,

I was at Parler Steakhouse on the Upper East Side, sitting at the bar. And he asked me to sign a golf ball which not only is like physically hard to sign i was also like why am i signing a golf ball yeah it's a long time ago way before four plays there wasn't even golf with barstool at all so i just kind of like scribbled my and that's the other thing too is like do you want my signature you want me really kf KFC? Yeah. Three letters is pretty nice. But it's also not, you know, it's just like, it's not signatures. I just write the letters.

The four play guys were signing something the other day for someone sent like a flag in. And, you know, it's like Riggs is not his real name. Lurch was like, I don't even know what, like if you want my signature. They're like producer. They're like fourth man. I think Trent just wrote like Trent, you know? It's weird when you have, like, what would you sign?

Would you sign Matt? I signed one last week. I started at Matt, and they're like, who's Matt? I was like, all right. Yeah, you got to sign Marty. It's like a wrestler signing their real name. Yeah. Remember when I got sent in the mail last week to autograph?

Oh, we never talked about that. Do you have that at your desk? You want to run and go get those? We'll do it at the break. Things are just so weird for Casey Smith. So weird. It's not that hard to not be weird. This is honestly one of the weirdest. He thought it was normal.

I know, but if someone comes up to you at the bar and they're just socially off, it's like, I don't know, this guy tries to... This is weird. I'm weird. I know I'm weird, but there's a line where Jesus Christ... The time and work it takes to go get an envelope and handwrite a letter

and go buy a pair of fucking Victoria's Secret underwear, granny panties, to send to Casey. Oh, yeah. And an eight and a half by 11 picture of herself. Yeah. Well, I don't. It was a picture of you. Oh, yeah.

It was like a headshot, like posing. It's like a Barstool versus the world one. I'd also like to point out that the. No, it was. It's like what they use for like promos and stuff. I like to point out that the the pair of underwear that they he sent to me was not meant for me. I don't see. I don't know what's happened. I like to point out that the pair of underwear that he sent to me was not meant for me. I don't know what's happened.

They are not my size. Because the first thing I saw was like, God damn, this thing is like a sailboat sail. Like you could fucking power a boat. They're an XL. They're women's underwear. What did they say on the back? Weekend Dreamer. A pair of white underwear with purple trim.

Victoria's Secret pink. And it says Weekend Dreamer, but it's an XL. So at first I was like, God damn, this guy does not think very highly of you, Casey. He sent you. And everyone was like, no, no, no. He wants to wear her autographed underwear. And maybe you're right, and I guess that logically makes sense with the size of the underwear. I think

I am just choosing to want to live in a world where that's not happening. Whenever I turn the break... Wait, sorry, before you go. Usually, this happens, guys ask for the girls' underwear. They say, can you put these on and send them back, or autograph a sexy thong

or something. It's not usually like, here's a pair that's big enough for me because i want to wear casey smith's underwear also whenever we come back from break i'll have you just read the note there's a little tidbit in the note about the underwear that makes it even i don't know did i read this do i know this i don't know i read it out but i don't remember so this is like the first time again i remember opening that up and seeing what was happening and thinking immediately kevin has to read this on the radio i can't believe i forgot about that somebody tweeted at me today i guess in the best of cck we put in the dramatic reading of jared's poem obviously he was like the one biggest takeaway that i took from cck this week was that casey lives for kevin's dramatic reading i was like i do i love that fucking music jared

yours was i mean if you listen back i was like st I do. I love that fucking music. Jared, yours was, I mean, if you listen back, I was like stumbling over my words and shit because I was like half nervous for you because I didn't know what the next line was going to bring. I didn't know how embarrassing it was going to get. I also was taken aback at times. I was like, this is getting emotional. Like I told you over the weekend though,

like I know that I am a sociopath because when you read it, I didn't really feel anything. But then we were at the wedding over the weekend and that song, I felt incredible secondhand embarrassment. So I can feel it for other people. I just can't feel it for myself anymore. That's good. I mean, you're deadened and you're calloused. Yeah.

But the ability to feel for others, the empathy is what stops you from being. I don't have empathy. Well, not empathy, but you can feel for others in the empathy is what stops you from being – He doesn't have empathy. He has no empathy. Well, not empathy, but you have at least – you can feel for others in the sense of like I'm embarrassed for you. A true psychopath has no feelings for like anything. No, no. I thought psychopaths do. It's sociopaths that don't. I don't think so because I think I remember an episode of Dexter where they said he's a psychopath because he –

There's one that has like can feel emotions. They just don't give a shit about them, and then there's one that just can't feel him. Yeah. I get that a lot. Like I get like you have. He has none. Yeah. Unless it affects him. Yeah. I can't fake. I can't fake empathy. Let's take two more quick calls here on the labor and then we'll get to a break because I know you guys want to get your labor takes in. What do you got, Daniel? Yeah, so just real quick, you know, I work in the South. I work in Dallas for a general contracting company, and we do a lot, a lot of our partners are up North in union territories, and it can be so crippling what a union can do for a project that I can get done much cheaper in the South. So, you know, ultimately the people that hurt are the customers. So if y'all were to go union, and I don't know the specific situations on how y'all are treated there, it sounds like it's fairly well. And I mean, you know, there's times where it can be beneficial

for a company to treat their employees like shit, because ultimately it's going to hurt that business and nobody will want to do business there. So, uh, I know that that previous caller was talking about, you know, a plumber having a hundred thousand followers on Twitter. And ultimately it's similar situation is if you do good work, you're going to be well known and people are going to use you and therefore your, your business will be booming. So that's it. But, uh, I it out I feel you man we just got we just heard from AOC has weighed in on the matter I hope this is

like a wait let me just make sure I just want to make sure that was a real an actual tweet from her not just like a screenshot no yeah so Dave tweeted if you work for Barstool Sports and DM this man I'll fire you on the spot that was the guy offering to unionize and AOC just said if you work for Barstool Sports and DM this man, I'll fire you on the spot. That was the guy offering to unionize.

And AOC just said, if you're a boss tweeting firing threats to employees trying to unionize, you are likely breaking the law and can be sued, in your words, on the spot. All workers in the U.S. have the protected freedom to organize for better conditions. See at NLRB and union orgs like at ALFCIO for tips. And then at AFL-CIO tweeted the same thing and said, bad boss example number one, the NLRA prohibits bosses from engaging in unfair labor practices, including interfering with the formation of administration or any labor organization.

Hashtag one you. I don't know what that means. I'm sure it's something like amendment or some shit. That is hilarious. We got AOC tweet that day about the right to unionize on a motherfucking smut blog. They're fucking mine. What's happening? This is like the.

And Jared, someone's going to accuse us of scripting it. Proof positive, you don't need to write a fucking script for drama because you got Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez fucking tweeting at us about the First Amendment's right to labor union formations.

Holy shit. Let's hit a break. Our pet's heads are falling off. We got old men want to wear women's underwear on CCK I love those I think I'm going to rock them on stage I wore them yesterday on the run down they are MVMT MVMT has been doing the watches

I'm out of breath because I ran here and the sunglasses but you can't wear sunglasses inside unless you're an asshole or PFT or PFT I don't know I feel like you're an asshole. Yes, you can. You're an asshole. Or PFT. Yeah, I'm an asshole. Or PFT. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like.

You have to be having like a hidden identity or an asshole. I feel like sunglasses inside shaming is wrong. Like they're just glasses with some tint. In the airport, it's okay to wear sunglasses. Well, you're hiding your sorrow and your depression and you're hanging. Yeah, in an airport, yeah. I think it comes with an air of um you're right you're right that is just like what's the difference why you care people wear glasses

it doesn't change the shape i mean you definitely look like an asshole if you're wearing sunglasses inside but that's society that tells you yeah well right but guess what but i'm a conformist yeah like i go with the flow and i don't want to be in it there's your sunglasses sunglasses are cool yeah right and if you wear them inside it's I don't want to be in it. There's your sunglasses. Sunglasses are cool. Yeah. Right. And if you wear them inside, it's like I'm trying to be cool at all times. Or you're crying. I'm just fucking doing it right now then.

Yeah. You look like an asshole. Yeah. And that's wrong. If you want to embrace it, that's fine. But you're wearing glasses right now. Is he an asshole? No, but they're because the tint on his glasses is different.

Right. Because he's not trying to look cool. He's trying to be able to see things. What if my eyes are sensitive to the light? They're not. They are. You're a liar. I swear to God, I squint when I look at the light.

Like, now I feel comfortable. See, these are the perfect in-between, because I am trying to look cool, but you don't necessarily know that because they're not shades. They're spectacles. I guess. These are regular eyeglasses. You're trying to improve your vision. I'm trying to improve mine.

No, I'm not. I mean, these don't even have prescription. I'm just trying to look cool. It's exactly what sunglasses, the stigma of sunglasses is what I'm doing. It's just that there's no stigma because there's no tint. And nobody can come up and be like, you need to take those off. Because you might actually have a prescription. You might need them.

But I very famously don't need them. Like everyone knows I don't like tint shaming. Yeah, that's what it is. I'm okay with that because there are days where I just want to have sunglasses on I've been crying or I don't have any eye makeup on and I feel like people which I don't wear whatever side of the point you still look like an asshole wearing

them inside I would love to be able to wear them inside you can disagree with that but you just have to accept that everyone is going to think you're an asshole when when hubs wore like the dunce cap it's like all right you're a dunce like you're trying to do something different trying to stick out it's a cap if you're an asshole. When Hubs wore the dunce cap, it's like, all right, you're a dunce. You're trying to do something different. You're trying to stick out. It's a cap.

If you were a baseball cap, you don't look abnormal. Yeah, I get it. It's a different kind of cap. For sure. These are just glasses. These are just glasses with a tip. If I just walked around all day, every day in a bikini top, that would be okay because it's still just a top, Jerry.

That's abnormal. This is abnormal. This is abnormal. No, no, no, no. Yes, it is. It's the shape. That's a little more extreme, but it's abnormal. It's extreme, but it's still just a top. That's abnormal. This is abnormal. No, no, no. That's a little more extreme. Apples and oranges, not even close. Because if she's wearing a bikini top, it's like, yeah, it's a top.

That's the dunce cap comparison. It's a completely different shape. But you just use the dunce cap as a... He looks like an asshole. That's not normal. If he wears a dunce cap, it's a different shape than a baseball cap. He looks like an asshole because it's a normal. If you wear a dunce cap, it's a different shape than a baseball cap. It looks like an asshole because it's a different shape. I'm wearing sunglasses the same shape as regular glasses.

It's not about the shape. It's about the shade. The thing that's on my face doesn't look any different. The thing that's on your face covers your eyes. You're judging me by the color of my glasses. The difference in dunce cap and

baseball cap is the same as clear frames and tinted lenses. No, because they're completely different shapes. If you're wearing a dunce cap, you're trying to stand out. All sunglasses are the same shape. Yes. So that's irrelevant. That's just what it is. Coloring is what matters.

So why is it with football helmets, in college, they can't tint their face masks anymore. Now you're just that's completely different. It's the exact same thing. No, it's not. It's the shade of their face. And I don't want to be judged by the shade of my glasses. That's all.

But you want to be judged on the character of your character. Yeah, but it is the exact same thing. Nope. As Jared has a dream that one day he will not be judged. OK, I have a color of his. I got one. What is it? a dream that one day he will not be judged on the color of his lips. If I wear a t-shirt that is black, the exact same shape as a t-shirt

that is clear and you can see through it, is it different? It's a little different. So we figured that out. So you can see through it so it's different. I wish this was a video show because Gacy's face as she delivered that was like, I am

delivering the knockout punch right now. It's a little different. It's not. You can see through it. The shape is the exact same. Social acceptance of being able to see my eyes versus social acceptance of being able to see you naked. What about you then? As a guy, you can go

shirtless anywhere you want. That color shirt or a clear shirt where you're walking around with, you can see you naked. Okay, what about you then? As a guy, you can go shirtless anywhere you want. That color shirt or a clear shirt where you're walking around with, you can see through your chest. Same thing. I just don't think it's appropriate for work. This is not appropriate for work either. Unless you're PFT. Why is he different? Because it's a character. Alright, I'm a character. That's true. If you want to tell me that the Rocket now has to wear sunglasses

everywhere to be an asshole, you can do that. Rocket wears sunglasses. But as long as you understand there are certain things. You've watched the argument around so many times. There are certain things that I absolutely believe and understand are there's a stigma or you're not allowed to do for dumb reasons. Society has just made them up. Even like

nudity is one of them. It's just like why can you look at my nipples but not her nipples? By the way, Emily Ratajkowski with the armpit hair, what was the deal with that? She was trying to make a point about feminism. And I think that point completely backfired. Because A, I don't even think that was real.

I think it was like a stick-on thing. No, I think it was real. And if it was real, she shaved it off immediately. Because it's like, you know what, fine, take it for your picture. But let me catch you on the yacht in the Mediterranean with your armpit hair out. I bet you don't. I bet you when it's time to just take your regular pictures, you're going to just be a normal girl with shaved armpits. It looked like Halloween mustaches just glued to her armpit. It was way too thick.

I thought it was fake. I think it looks real. Is that what girls' armpits look like? No, I just don't think. I feel like she would have had to grow her out for a while. That's what I think. So the day that that happened, we were going to it was like me fights kate and nate we like argued about it on the way to pat's 30th birthday party like all the

way from from this office to way far away this is what we talked about yeah and i don't think that she would do it i don't think she would make it fake because i think that people would call her out on it i think she actually grew it out and fights was like well wouldn't we have seen it in other pictures yeah like she probably just made sure her arms weren't up in any pictures recently always fucking naked but she put up you can put up old pictures you can do that i think she grew it out it's very thick you're right it's gross very thick that would take how long do you think that would take a while why yeah i don't know if it would be months do you shave your armpits every day yeah it's one thing i have i have no i have no knowledge of well i don't know if it's every day but it depends like if I'm like going to a beach everyday

do you go razor and like shaving cream shave your armpits? no I just like I buzzed it yeah I'll do a buzz but to like to shave it cause then you have like stubble in your armpits that's weird yeah no you just don't let it get to that point right so it's just everyday

yeah or like every other day you just never let it wear it but that's what I'm saying. Like it, you know, it would take, you know, I think it takes me, you know, a week to have a little stuff.

Facial hair is different. Like the facial hair is different to have like hair. Yeah. You know what I mean? I think that's why I've never shaved my beard. You would look terrible. I probably look very handsome. No,

I think, I mean, I'm not saying this is not, I just think you would look better with your beard. Oh yeah, for sure. I know. I agree with that, but I would probably look handsome without it. You'd look a lot less handsome. No, I think, I mean, I'm not saying this is not, I just think you would look better with your beard. Oh yeah, for sure. I know. I agree with that, but I would probably look handsome without it. You'd look a lot less handsome. Yeah. You're still a

handsome guy. Yeah. A lot less. See my hair? Yeah. Looking sharp, dude. That's different today. Yeah. You're going the other way, right? You're going the opposite direction. What? Please take off your sunglasses. Why? Because I can't look at you. Exactly. You look like an asshole. I know that. I think if I take them off, you could still make that same case.

It'd be less of a case, though. It would be less of a case. Do you notice that he's going to his left with the hair today? I didn't notice that that was the difference. I noticed it was different. It feels so different for you, right? Different product, different method. The Fleischman way.

She's got her claws into you, bro. It's a little different. And I and it looks I think it looks better because like I have a cowlick right here so when I was

what I was doing before I was putting in a different product and kind of going up and then over this one is just going back and you can't even tell

you can't tell it's a cowlick I'm telling you man the chick's a wizard with the hair yeah she is she's just a pro with the hair it's just like

oh you have a cowlick that's a problem and there's the this is the way to do it she's uh she'll be at the show tonight. Oh, is she? Oh, yeah, I'm going tonight. Yeah.

Did you put me on the list? Let me make sure. Why don't you put me on the list? I'm going to text you right now. Do that. I don't know. Like, because obviously, like, Fights got his haircut yesterday, and he came into the office, and I complimented him on his hair, and he said, yeah, it looks great, but it's

not going to look like this, like, tomorrow. Like, it's because, like, Fleischman did it. Yeah. Same thing with me. Like, my hair, like, last night looked banging. Today, it's, like, it's not even close to what it looked like yesterday. because Fleischman did it. Same thing with me. My hair last night looked banging. Today, it's not even close to what it looked like yesterday. That happens to everybody. I mean, girls, too.

It's like when you get out of the hair salon, it looks amazing. You're like, this is never going to look like this ever again until I come back here. But what she is good about is once you do learn how to do it, you can kind of replicate it yourself. But there's something. It's like...

There's something in their water. There's something in their water. When your mom makes a sandwich for you, too. It's just a better sandwich when someone else makes it for you. Yeah, Ellen makes bomb grilled cheese. I was just going to say, mom grilled cheeses are like my mom's grilled cheese. It's the simplest fucking thing. Butter, cheese, bread, done.

And for whatever reason, they make it the perfect amount of golden, the perfect amount of cheese, the perfect amount of butter. And there's just something about, you know what? My mom always cuts it too. If I make a sandwich, I just fucking eat it. Diagonal or cross? She does diagonal. Okay, yeah.

What do you do? Diagonal. Diagonal. Ellen made an appearance on the live stream last night. Oh, yeah? So Hubs and I, every Tuesday. Wait, where is she? Huh?

No, we call her. Oh, okay. I didn't mean like physically with her. No, no, no. So every Tuesday, Hubs and I are going to be live streaming from like 7 to 10, which turned into like 7 to midnight last night because the Red Sox went into extra innings. But we put up eight baseball games on two TVs. We were kind of like commentating on like all eight games.

Then we were changing them as the games were ending and putting on new games. And we had a live stream. Almost like a red zone for baseball. Yeah. Yeah. But we obviously couldn't show the actual games. Right. I forget.

Oh, I told Hubs that I was born in the Dominican Republic, and he kind of believed me. So it was kind of like two truths and a lie. What an idiot. It was kind of like two truths and a lie. Like I told him two things that were actually true. The lie was that I was born in the Dominican Republic, but when I had my first car in high school,

I had the Dominican flag draped across the backseat. So the entire backseat of my first car was covered in the Dominican flag. And because I lied about being born there. I feel like that's appropriation problems. Yeah. No, that's celebrating a culture. Oh, is that what it is?

Yeah. We'll ask Manny Ortiz. I feel like our guy Dylan is Dominican. We'll have him call in and weigh in on that one. Probably love it. We'll see. I bet Dylan loves it. Yeah. i have a normal rational human yeah the dominican flag was draped across my back seat and i also have the dominican flag hanging from my is this

all just for poppy my rear view mirror yeah and then pedro and pedro right and manny so i mean i can't willie mopena i had and jared yeah you know the red bandana i had the same thing that's a little weird uh but i called on the live stream to confirm that that was actually true. And it is. That's, uh, and she went along with it. I mean,

it's true. Right. But did you have to tell her ahead of time? What are you talking about? I literally just called her and I was like, Hey, what did I have in the backseat of my car? She said a Dominican flag.

Right. But then, and then you said, where was I born? And she said the Dominican Republic. No, I wasn't actually born there, Kevin. No, I know know so i'm saying i didn't try to further that lie it would be it would be amazing if she was like yeah she knows the game she knows the deal the

rocket's calling you he's in character he's on stream you go with it yeah no it was uh it was cool she she confirmed my truths What a weird dude you are. Yeah. Very weird. For sure. But at the end of the day, I mean, like, the Micken, those are my people. Please take off those fucking sunglasses. I'll think about it in the second hour.

I just, I can't. In the second hour, I'll consider it. I feel weird staring at the side of Kevin's face while you're talking. So anyways, we were talking about the World Baseball Classic. When it comes back. Which is when, by the way? What. Which is when, by the way. What? Which is when, by the way.

Which year? I think it's next year. I feel like it might actually have a little bit of juice next time. Yeah. I mean, it had juice last time. Right. And I just think the internet's that much further. And baseball, even at Barstool, being further.

I think it's time for it to... It's never going to be, you know, like hockey in the Olympics or whatever they want it to be. But I think it's going to i think it's time for it to it's never going to be you know like hockey in the olympics or whatever they want to be but i think it's going to be something yeah so we we were talking about it because uh i asked subs i was like which team are you going to rep in the dominican republic is like america obviously like who the fuck are you going to represent i was like i actually have all your guys 2006 world baseball classic dominican republic jersey customized with my name and number on the back well i mean it kind of makes sense if you want to just be like an un-American son of a bitch about it.

No, it's just like... The best bat flip of all time was David Ortiz for the Dominican Republic in the World Baseball Classic in 2006. The problem is that like... He like fucking helicoptered the bat after he crushed one. The Dominicans love

the idea of the dominicans winning the world baseball classic more so than like anybody yeah so their their crowds are always going to be live or like you just can't you can't convince someone that something's important if they don't really believe it you know what i mean yeah so like i'm just never going to have the pride that the dominican republic has about a their country and be their baseball team yeah i mean baseball to the dominican republic is like reality tv and fast food to america yeah like yeah if you were to try to take away mcdonald's that's that's what it would be like if we took away baseball yeah i got that's what it would take to get me fucking going yeah don't you sons of bitches touch my taco bell well don't you talk by the way wendy's spicy nuggets

they're fucking spicy are they spicy nugs are back. Wendy's is so good. They've got some kick to it for like a, you know, just a regular American fast food place. You know, I was putting down a 10 piece the other day and I was like six in. I was like, oh, I haven't been to a Wendy's in a while. Wendy's is so good. What's your rank them? Fast food?

Yep. Oh, which we like food hamburger places I just went you tell me didn't realize you could see me fast food I'm not talking the what do they call it in and out burgers those are the ones that specifically don't count

the shake shacks the in and outs the jack in the box just the staples McDonald's Burger King King, Wendy's all that kind of shit. Okay. I'm not counting Sonic. I would say I've never seen a Sonic. It's all like South. Yeah, Sonic and Whataburger's in the South. Whataburger Breakfast. I'm going to say this. People are going to be mad online. Whataburger's burgers are very overrated. So is that a big deal? Oh, yeah. When I say like I love In-N-Out, people are like, oh, you're from Texas. You should like Whataburger.

I'm like, Whataburger's breakfast is bar none. It is by far the best fast food breakfast. There's no question. Their burgers are overrated. So if we're just going lunch and dinner, I would say Wendy's, Taco Bell, Chick-fil-A, Whataburger.

I didn't realize that Chick-fil-A was in the equation here. Yeah. I think it is. Is it? I think so. Yeah, it's not like. I think it's classier. A little bit, but.

But it's still not like novelty like In-N-Out is. Yeah. I mean, are we counting like Chipotle? I almost feel like. No, Chipotle's. I want to say a good barometer would maybe be, is there a drive-thru? Yeah. Oh, there's drive-thru at In-N-Out.

Chick-fil-A, does Chick-fil-A have drive-thru? Oh, yeah. Yeah, there is, right? But I feel like In-N-Out is still, like, I mean, yeah, if you're, you know, in California, obviously, it's everywhere just, like, fast food, but I still don't consider it fast food, even though it technically is.

Yeah, I don't know why, but that's out. Whatever, make it up the rules. No, yeah, I would go. So McDonald's, nowhere, like, close to the top of your list, huh? No. What do you got? I think, I mean, I also think Burger King is disgusting. All right, chill out. They What do you got? I think, I mean, I also think Burger King is disgusting. Alright, chill out.

They actually, you know what I realized? At Burger King, if you, like, I feel like the triple cheeseburger, you can only get that in Saugus. Like, I've ordered the triple cheeseburger at other Burger Kings, and they were like, what? They just don't do it? Like, put it on a fucking thin patty, dude. There are, yeah, I was gonna say, also, like, you can make that happen, even if it's not on your menu. Yeah, for sure, you have the resources. I feel like certain things are regional like that,

though. That is weird. I feel like in Pennsylvania, if you get McDonald's burgers, they put mustard on there as well, like automatic, whereas you'd have to ask for it separately in New York. Are there Jack in the Boxes up here? No. I haven't seen one. It's only south. I feel like certain things, like my favorite just fast food item

is the cheesy gordita crunch oh my god it's so good but I'm not I can't take like Taco Bell on the whole and I think that

Wendy's has the best nuggets yes agree but I think if I just have to take one place

that I think I can get the most well rounded I think I gotta go classic go with the arches it's definitely McDonald's they They have the best fries. They have the best burgers to me. Burger King has the best fries. And they got the best goddamn Sprite. Burger King has the

best fries. Over McDonald's? No, McDonald's has the best fries. No, no, no. And the best soft drinks. Now, Burger King did change their fries relatively recently within the past decade or whatever. And I think that they were that was a good move and they upped their game big time. But I mean, like McDonald's fries

are just like a staple of American culture. I'm not trying to shout down anything McDonald's. Like McDonald's is my number one. I like McDonald's. The problem is, is I always feel like shit after I eat McDonald's. Well, that's just fast food in general. What fast food do you feel good after?

I mean, not that I'm like feeling great, like I've just eaten a salad, but for some reason it just feels heavier. It just feels grosser to me. Like I know Wendy's is probably not that much better, but for some reason in my mind, I don't ever feel as gross as I do after I eat McDonald's. Like if I like eat just like a double.

McDonald's will give you like a food hangover. I think it's the stigma that makes you feel bad. No, I think that it's like. It's much like the stigma attached to sunglasses. Yeah. I feel great. Clear shirts. Andy, what do you got?

Oh, hey. So I got myself in a little bit of a predicament here. So I started hooking up with this chick. Come to realize she's my co-worker's girl or ex-girl or I don't know what the whole situation is. Yikes. But I need some advice here. First of all, we need to declare whether it's... Turn your mic on.

I think we need to figure out whether it's ex or current because that's a huge, huge piece. I don't think it matters either way. You've got to fucking abort regardless. If it's your... Is he still on the line? Yes. How close are you to him? By the way, I totally agree.

You have to abort. I thought the question was going to be more about whether you should tell the guy. If it's X, just abort. Let it die. If it's current, I guess you kind of got to... I don't even know that I would out myself. We got to know. Let the man answer.

Is it current or X? So, it's kind of like an off and on situation from what I understand. Stuck in the middle. Okay. I'm kind of not asking those questions. Cause I mean, that girl's an absolute rocket. That was my next question.

How hot is she? How good is she in bed? Is it worth it? Yeah. Very good. How did this come about? Like you take a girl home randomly and then after the fact, like your coworkers-workers like, hey, took a look at my picture of my girlfriend on Instagram and you realize they're the same person. How does this all unfold?

So we met at a bar and went home, hooked up, drunk, all those all that normal type of shit. And then I don't work at the company anymore anymore but we are kind of friends we're in a group chat we're not super close but he is an absolute fucking psychopath when it comes to this chick from what i hear um so but it's just she's too good looking she's too hot wait so are you current or former co-workers? We're former co-workers. Oh, so who cares? Keep fucking her. Oh, that's crazy. Who gives a fuck?

Are you guys friends or no? He said they're not that close. Oh, keep fucking her. Yeah. I would call us acquaintances, but... Yeah, no, who cares? Keep fucking her. Now, when you say that he's a psychopath about her,

if he's the type of dude who's going to chop your door down with an axe, fine. Don't do that. But as far as the stigma or the rules or like all that shit so we're talking a potential ex-girlfriend of a ex-coworker who's not who's not even that close now i will say this like i would rather not have any connection to anybody well yeah that's rather you know ideal would be you know if you're not that much into this girl to begin with or she's not that pretty, then maybe you just say,

hey, there's other fish in the sea. If this is doing it for you, I wouldn't let an ex-coworker who may or may not be dating this girl anymore affect that. Yeah. But also, I would say that when he finds out, he probably will not like you anymore.

Whether or not you care about that. He doesn't have a right to be mad at you. No, but he doesn't have a right, but he will. Unless they're still hooking up, yeah. Then he does. But if they're off and on boyfriend and girlfriend and they're not actually dating and he's not really friends with him and he doesn't work there anymore, then that's not on him. He can do whatever he wants. Yeah, but guys are not offering that.

Who cares? If you don't care about losing, I mean, they're not even friends. He's not even losing a friend in this situation. Fuck him. She said that I have the possibility to get my tires slashed, but I mean, that're not even friends. He's not even losing a friend in this situation. Fuck him. She said that I have the possibility to get my tires slashed, but I mean, that doesn't really... Get new tires, bro. No, wait.

Flags fly forever. This is a kind of... It's a red flag to me. If the girl is saying like, hey, by the way, if this dude finds out, it's going to be problems, I think that you might heed those words. Yeah, I agree with that. Again, I would at least weigh it out. gonna be problems yeah i think that you might heed those words yeah i think that would be wise again i would i would at least weigh it out i'd be like understood but you're so sexy and hot and

cool whatever you whatever you like or don't like and then if you decide that it's uh it's worth it fine but here's but be prepared because if someone tells you like hey man i know this guy i know our history it's gonna be fucking fireworks if it goes down you should listen to that and i was about to say and as a girl she's probably even downplaying it like she's saying oh he's gonna slash your tires and really he might actually still wants to keep fucking because she knows what's going on in the situation she knows those conversations that are happening and she's like hey this isn't gonna be good right she's probably downplaying it but if she's also hooking up with him more than once then she doesn't want to ruin a good thing so she's not gonna just run and tell unless

she wants to be with the other guy and it's just like they're also in a huge mix of problems i've also seen this kid and not really too threatened by him so i mean it's not like i mean hey if you can win the fight yeah everything you're telling me here is to just keep fucking her I would say everything you're telling me here is that you are allowed to have sex with this girl socially speaking but it might not be the wisest decision based on what I've heard as a girl I would not say that to

somebody unless I knew it was actually going to be a problem like even if I thought he might be like angry or upset but by fine this guy will act on it if she speaks up he will act on this i would never say that to somebody unless i thought it was an actual then you're shooting yourself in the foot you're making yourself look a little dramatic like you had a bad thing and it's it's probably not worth all that but it's worth it uh i think if it is worth it you are in the clear as far as yeah again it's a little bit weird quirky maybe minorly distasteful not a very like infinitesimal level but if someone if someone ever confronted if that

guy went crazy and then someone was like wow what was that all about and he said to you well this girl that i date hooks up with a guy that i once like with. Not even like co-workers, friends with. He basically would say, well, a girl that I am on and off with hooked up with someone from my ex-company. Yeah, that's fine. And everyone would hear that and go, wait, they haven't been together since when? April.

Well, that's not that long. That's a very standard amount of time for off and on. A couple months go by, you get back together. A couple months take a two or three month break. You never know what'll happen. That's the kind of shit that's very standard. I don't think you can use the timeline argument here.

Until you can say there's been a considerable amount of time, a really good chunk of time. You don't know if she's going to go back to him or not. Fair. So what are you going to do back to him or not right fair so what are you going to do probably still fuck her yeah let's go but are you but are you prepared let me just say that understood i respect your decision but also i don't want to get a phone call in a week being like this guy slashed my tires can Can you believe it? Because the answer is going to be yes. I can believe it because you were basically told so. Nah.

Tires are easily bought. That's a good point. You can find tires at the tire shop. You can't find the sexy, crazy smoke at the crazy sexy smoke shop. At the end of the day, the fact that it's his ex-coworker who he's just acquaintances with.

Let's play it out. Let's say Jared is hooking up with Vibs' girl. And they work together. Yeah, we currently work together. They currently work together. Right, so if Jared left... Alright, so who's somebody who

left? Francis. Francis. If Francis hooks up with Vibs' hookup. If Francis hooks up with Vibs' hookup. If Francis hooks up with Vibs' hookup. Like, fuck buddy, yeah. Or I guess more like on and off again. Usually those things have a little more emotions than fuck buddy. It also goes back to, he said two things that make me believe that it was more serious than just hookup. One, they haven't been together since April. Which means that there was a period of time where she was saying they were together.

Yeah, so that's not just a fuck. And two, that she is saying, if he finds out he's going to go crazy again, as a girl saying that, that means she knows for a fact that's going to happen. So it's probably not just like a random hookup. Zah,

where do you fall on this? I feel like you're a good man of moral compass. Oh God. You're putting, putting me on the spot here. Let's go Zah. I would say just keep banging. They don't work. You don't work. You don't work

together. It's a clean sweep. But I would say this. I will say if Francis was doing that, I'd be like, ah, come on, man. Why don't you just steer clear of that? But also, I mean, we are, you know, everybody here is pretty close. Like, we all interact

and do creative things. We talk to each other on our shows. It would actually probably be more like if you fucked somebody on the third floor's, like, ex. Yeah. That would be like, I don't even really know who you are. You know what I mean? Nobody inside content. Because I would call everybody here, like, I'm more their friend, not an acquaintance.

Right. I'm an acquaintance with some of, like, the salespeople. In which case, like, yeah. I'm probably still doing that. Yeah. Sorry sorry sales guy yeah you know what's the worst thing that you've ever had happen to you because of like a crazy ex

or like a hookup I had a cinder block thrown through my back window whoa that's like straight out of the fucking movies yeah I'm trying to think of something that's happened to me where was like where'd you get the cinder block? Those aren't just like easy to come by.

Actually, I have a funny story. Oh boy. All right. The rocket has a smirk on his face. You have those fucking sunglasses. I'll think about it in the second hour. All right.

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Basically, it was actually the girl. Sorry, do you want Wendy's? Wendy's, yeah. Give me some nuggets. Some barbecue sauce. You got it. 10 piece? Yes, please. Sorry, me some nuggets. Okay. Some barbecue sauce. You got it. 10 piece? Yes, please.

Okay, sorry, continue. And maybe a Coca-Cola beverage. You got it. Thank you. So there was a girl that I was like off and on with for like two years. And we were at a house party and like we were like kind of together, but not. And then like this dude, this dude was like going for her at the party and like i went up to him like we were you were kind of together with her yeah okay but

she was like we were fighting so like she was trying to make me jealous whatever she was going along with it and i just went up to him i was like hey just letting you know like what the deal is like you know we're like we're off and on but like we're fighting right now but like we're kind of together he's like oh yeah like don't worry about it like no problem like we used to be best friends like back in like sixth grade right i didn't think it was an issue so uh she's like we're in the kitchen i'm sitting at the kitchen table she's sitting up on the counter and his back is to me and this is like two hours later and he's shit face still going for it and everyone in the room just kind of like sees what's developing here and

they're all looking at me being like what's gonna happen now so he goes in for the kiss i get up i grab him by the back of his collar drag him to the ground everyone like breaks it up and like it's this big thing and then uh so then one of my friends is like all right we gotta go he drives me home and then uh later that night i I have a fucking cinder block through my back windshield. So I obviously knew that it was him. Didn't like pursue it. So that makes more sense because when you said that, I thought it was the girl who did it. No, no.

Girl doing a cinder block is crazy. No, no, it was him. Got it. So he threw a cinder block through my back windshield. Not light, I would assume. No. But I also do think that's kind of a girly move. Yeah.

Like, like, Carrie Underwood talking about, like, key in your car and shit like that. Baseball bat kind of shit. Yeah, like, I feel like that's almost, like, I feel like the guy version should be like, let's fight. You know what I mean? Like, the whole point that a girl, a girl is, but the idea of, like, vandalism. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the only way I can get back at you, really.

You know what I mean? Like, I'm going to physically, I can't, I can just do something to your car, not to you. That guy, it's like you dragged him by his fucking collar like a Neanderthal. He should come back at you, not your car. That's like when the guy that just called and said that your tires could get slashed. My first thought was like, that seems like something a girl would do, not a guy. By the way, the girl was the girl that I wrote the poem about. She just straight up sucked.

And that was not, but a different girl, a different guy that she was gonna, wasn't the friend of yours. Nope. God damn, this girl was just like, basically cheating on you in front of your face the whole time. Yeah, she sucked.

Big time sucked. Man, rock it. Even yesterday on the rundown, when you guys were talking about, I don't even know how Johnny Manziel came up. He was in a commercial for the Second Chances program. Oh, I just, because all I heard was just Dave being like, yeah, when a bee's at Casey. And it was like,

how did I get thrown into this? You can't go on vacation. I can't believe people still go on vacation around here. That's true. My complaint, I need a snack machine. A vending machine. Yes, I need a vending machine because what will happen is Spider or Ebony or whoever will order the snacks and then these fucking

fiends will just raid the cabinets of all the snacks and put them in their drawers. You're not taking fucking 16 chocolate bars at once out of a vending machine. I would pay for my snacks. Those are the kids who on Halloween...

Yes, I would. I have to anyway. Every fucking day, me and Casey, after the show, we go walking by lunch. Anyone can go to Dwayne Reed and I'll go fucking buy a snack because I wouldn't. Yes, I would. I have to anyway. Every fucking day, me and Casey after the show, we go. I would. I would. It would also limit my snacks. And you would go to Dwayne Reed and I'll go fucking buy like a snack because we don't have any here. It would also limit my snack intake if I had to go buy it. So it would be good all around.

NBC Sports Boston had that snack thing that was like, it looked like it was free, but it wasn't free. I used to steal from that all the time. So did I. Yeah. All the time. That's what would end up happening here. When you were trick-or-treating on Halloween, if there was a bowl that said

please take one, what kind of kid were you? Just take one? I'd take one because I have morals and ethics. I feel like to people who just wipe out a whole bowl is like, come on, man. Maybe you take a second one. That's what happens here. I bought a bag of candy. A $15 bag of

a mixed bag of candy. I put it in the fridge. I can't, I came back the next day. It was empty. Well, here's the thing. Someone emptied out my,

like, I don't mind if you take one here and there. Someone emptied out the entire bag. Yeah. I didn't even go look at it. I was just like, you fucking poor fucks. The only thing I'll say to that, while that is absolutely despicable behavior,

the, the work, the work fridge, the work fridge is the wild frontier. The wild west. But like, we're all adults here. There's no children here. So I put the bag in there.

You are pushing it, bud. I am more than fine with if you want to have a piece there, have a piece there. Someone just ate the whole fucking bag. I think if you put it in the fridge and don't specify, like, don't eat this,

people are going to eat it. Why would you assume that that's like a free-for-all bag? Because a gigantic bag of candy is not a normal thing that somebody's like, this is specifically mine. But that's not ever something that like Spider has bought to put in the thing. You know what probably happens?

Let me tell you what happened. Somebody opened that up. If I opened up the fridge and I saw a full bag, I would take one or two. You know what they did, Kevin? What? There was one Reese's peanut butter cup left. Yeah, that's the worst.

They took the entire bag. No, no, but I don't think it was one person. I think I opened the door and I say, yeah, I mean, there's a lot of people here. There was like 150 pieces of candy in there. First of all, there's a bunch of people took that. I mean, all it takes is, you know, 30 people taking three pieces.

And I open it up. I see there's a full bag all right i'm just gonna take three that's not like no one's even gonna notice and then when it gets so low you're like oh well this is like i mean there's not that many left anyway so you grab them but then it gets down to the one and someone's like well i'm not gonna be the guy you act like it's i can't be an animal and clean you out you act like it's crazy that a whole bag of candy would be gone we go through like eight boxes of cereal literally in one day yeah now there's a lot of people here and they're all fat for the company well right but i mean at the same time like

whenever the cereal was first i would never go in the company fridge and be like this is for me well no because the only time i ever take something out of there is like like if it's like the mountain dew because i know that we have like 6 000 bottles but see the thing is the first time that the cereal popped up nobody knew that it was bought for the company so i i'm going to guarantee you that most people thought that candy was put in there by somebody from the company wild move i guess i mean there's like cheese in there and stuff that's bought by the company i'm gonna do about my candy situation because uh i don't know if i said this on the radio but a rat got into my well probably a mouse but a rodent of some sort what? It was either a mouse or a rat in my desk.

Here? Yes. Like, my drawer was locked, and then I opened it up to get a protein bar, and, like, all the protein bars, like, the wrappers were, like, chewed up. There were holes in it, and, like, something ate all of it in there. I haven't even touched it until I clean it out, because I'm so desolate. Why are girls so, like, why are mouses and rats like mice disgusting? One. But two

how did it get in there? I don't know. They can crawl into the size of a dime. Mice can fit through the size of a dime hole. Yeah. A mouse got in there. They have like no bones. They can squeeze through like the bottom of a door. They can go under a door. Yeah but those file cabinets don't even have the

size of a dime to squeeze through in the back you know like in the back on the sides there's there's always like a slit that you can get through yeah ate everything it's like i don't know i'll tell you what everywhere you've been there's rats and mice you just don't see them that's fine if i opened up my drawers and all my shit was eaten that was locked that would alarm me yeah well that i mean that will happen if you put you just don't keep food in your drawers if you do it will be oh yeah daniela and i have protein bar we have like a little thing that we keep every single day we get the same protein bar boxes of them well now i have to like bring them from my apartment to the office

yeah we have we have like a whole you bring food here the lesson here is you bring food to the bar the humans or the rodents are going to be eating it. Speaking of strong liquor, 4Loco, did you see what they're doing? I knew White Claws, Trulies, whatever else, those are 5% alcohol. The fact that 4Loco is now making 14% alcohol seltzer waters is insane. I mean, that's just like you're drinking like a very, very strong vodka soda, right? But I want to try it because the whole thing with like old school Four Locos, like the ones that were like, I think, actually killing people that had the energy and all that is they tasted really strong. Like you weren't just sipping that like, oh, this doesn't taste like anything.

All the other alcoholic seltzers don't taste like anything. They're actually enjoyable to drink. So does this Four Loko just taste like a Truly and it has triple the alcohol content? I just don't think it's possible. I think you can have that alcoholic of a drink without having the alcohol bite to it. The white girls at college football tailgates, the

sorority girls, are going to be dropping like flies with this stuff. People are going to die. I mean, Willie's still every night, every Friday night or something like that, he smokes a cigar and has a Four Loko. But the Four Lokos, they don't have the energy in them anymore because that was the problem. It's like vodka Red Bulls are really bad for you for that reason. For a guy of his economic status,, to have that be your Friday night, it's not like he sits back and has Johnny Blue

or a million dollar bottle of wine. He's like, give me a nice stogie and a raspberry four loco or whatever. In his movie theater. His in-home movie theater. Those things just don't go.

For Gentleman's Fridayiday when they had like the you guys had like a tequila day and he like came in like the tequila he had was like oh this is like 500 bottles and like you know you're just gonna go to like 7-eleven and get one of those like pink and black like zebra stripe four locos i kind of love it though that's why he works it's like yeah he's uh you know yeah he made a bolt out of money playing football and shit, but he's like just a regular grimy ass dude from the Bronx. Four locos when they first came out. I mean, those were putting everybody on their asses. Changed the world.

They changed the world. I can't believe that they're even allowed to keep making beverages at this point. I mean, they were killing people. Yeah, that's what I said. They had to drastically change what they did. But now. They at least are like regulated now. I don't know if they are regulated. You can't tell me that

seltzer water with alcohol in it that's at 14% is regulated. Well, I just think it's going to taste very strong. I don't think you're going to slug them the way we used to do old Four Locos. Oh, I bet. You had the original Four Loco? Oh, yeah. Like blackout in a can. Oh, yeah. And guess what? You did blackout

after you drank that can i never had it but the only time that it was at it was i was only at one party the four local was around and it was at this kid's house who had an indoor pool and uh he was pounding four locos and he started walking by the indoor pool that had like the cover on it. And he just like went started walking sideways and fell into the indoor pool. And we had to go like fucking like fish him out of there because he was like laying. He was like in the water, but not in the pool. Passed.

That's like exactly how white people die. Yeah. Yeah. The one time we had we didn't do it much, but we got our hands on it. I went to my buddy's house in Hampton Bays. We were going to the Boardy Barn and all that shit. But the night, the Saturday night, it was like, we're doing Four Loko. It was like doing a drug. It was like, we're going to do it for the first time.

You prepare yourself. And we all, I think we all sat around sipping it, kind of being like, do you feel anything yet? What are you doing? I mean, it really was just like a very normal standard night for us. It was fun but nothing crazy happened like that. I mean it was like different flavors. Yeah they had a bunch of different flavors. But you could taste the energy

drink in it. Yeah. It had like a Red Bull taste with the energy aspect. Like that aftertaste of all the poison that's in Red Bull. That's what it had to do with a lot of alcohol in it. It did taste very poisonous. Oh, yeah. You could tell you were putting something extremely synthetic into your body. You know, we talked about role models the other day in the movie.

Yeah. Yeah, the movie. It's like whenever that green energy drink and it's like you are literally peeing green poison. That's what Four Loko is actually. Your body. You get like so fucked up because your body is like rejecting it at all costs and loses control of all of its other functions.

I need to know if this Four Loko is is available right now because I think for Friday, the Friday show of CCK, we should give the seltzers a try. It's like the opposite of Gentleman's Friday. It's like trash bag Friday. White trash Friday. I like it. They have a white claw that has no taste to it. They call it clear. And when you taste it, it just has that little tiny

tinge of a vodka taste, but it just really tastes like water to me. If Four Loko's doing that, it's diabolical. Watch out. 14% is like what? What's wine? Bottle of wine. 14. Round about there. A bottle is?

A north of wine range is from like 10, between 10 to 15. So you're basically having, it's wine in a can. Except that if it tastes like what Trulies do or White Claws do, you can't taste anything. And they're carbonated, so they obviously go much faster. It's like, have you had like carbonated rosé? Yeah. That goes down so much faster than a glass of red wine because it's like, oh, it's thirst quenching. This is diabolical

for all the Beckys out there. I'm just saying that. Watch out, girls. Be careful. Big time problems. Adam from Illinois. What do you got on mental gobs? Oh, man. We got on those in college when we were working at the bar. I'm drinking on the rocks trying to catch up with everyone.

Drink it on the rocks like you used to sip on rumble mints? That's just deplorable behavior. Oh, it's still good to this day. Me and two buddies on the Bears games, we have rules that we go by, drinking rules, you know, and we'll go through a bottle between

the three of us on one day. The last time I like threw up in public. Your breath's always nice though. Oh, it's like brushing your teeth. The last time I like threw up in public. Well, your breath's always nice, though. Oh, it's like brushing your teeth. The last time I threw up in public was out of the back of a cab like after a Rumbleman's night. What's it? Mental gobs? Mental gobs, yeah.

And like I forget which is like I can't remember which one's the fake story and which one's the real name. I like puked on like the back of the, you know, like it went out the window, but then like hit the back of the car, you know, that guy was not happy. The move though at the bar, even still to this day, it's like, if you are going to be talking to somebody and like, you know, when you've been drinking all night and you can

feel that gross taste in your mouth, just ask for a shot of rumple mints, swish it around a little bit. Does every bar carry it? I feel like it's like, I've never been, I mean, I granted I'm not going in and asking for it, but one of my girlfriends, it's a bartender. She still asks for that all the time and she's never getting turned down. And you just,

when you're talking to somebody, it's like you've swallowed an entire tube of Colgate toothpaste. Did you ever do aftershock? Oh, I forgot. Oh, I remember that. It came in like that weird bottle.

It looked like Vince. What was that? Was that cinnamon? Yeah. That is like cinnamon or licorice or some sort of aftershock. That was like. I've completely erased that from my memory. That was the, you know.

You just opened up a whole can of worms in my brain. I forgot about aftershock. That to me was like the official drink for underage people. And it was like they didn't even try to. Like no goddamn adult anywhere i was drinking aftershock did you were you old enough for the zima phase because i was just a little bit too young for it i was doing like by the time i was drinking it was mike's hard lemonade smearing off ice was mine yeah but zima was more uh like like hard lemonade tastes

like lemonade you know like Zima was almost like bad truly it was like I used to get fucked up off of Mike's heart all the time I loved it in the beginning I remember being like I'm not gonna ever drink beer I'm just gonna keep drinking lemonade why would you ever drink beer that stuff tastes like shit and then you realize that you're drinking like

7,000 gallons or grams of sugar I don't care about that no but like the hangovers, bro. Sugar hangovers are worse. If you have like 10 sodas in the night, you're going to be all like... Which is why the Fireball flu is a real thing. I keep going back.

What was that liquor that Vibs made us drink last week? Malorts. Malorts. Not that bad in comparison to Fireball. No, you're just saying that because of the reaction you had to Fireball. The first time you drank Fireball, you weren't grossed out by it. Yeah, but I... The first time you touched Malorts, it was like...

Malorts. I thought it... You know what it tasted like to me? Like Pine Sol. Yes, that's exactly what people were saying. I'd rather that than the sugary water from Satan that Fireball is. She told a story about when she first got to Hollywood, she was too poor. She couldn't shave her legs, so she just wore pants because she couldn't afford a disposable razor.

I don't believe that. Disposable razors are only like 45 cents. That's why I started eating the toothpaste sandwiches was because the big show was so poor that he would eat toothpaste sandwiches. My girl, Christina Shulman, she ate lipstick. Ate lipstick? She was an orphan. I hope she didn't. She ate lipstick to survive.

You believe that, but not a razor thing. Yeah, because when you are like a child who's an orphan, it's different. My girl went through hard times. Not like, oh, I'm a hot chick in Hollywood. Anywhere you find lipstick, you can find something more suitable

to eat. It's true. Where do you find lipstick? Paper. Paper is a better thing to eat. I don't think it is. I think lipstick has more sustenance. Where did she find lipstick? From her mother, who was a whore. Oh, I'm sorry, Christina. She was a prostitute, though. Oh, she was? Something like that.

Her mom definitely had something else other than lipstick that she could eat. Well, clearly she didn't, because my girl ate... I'd eat foundation before I'd eat lipstick. Well, I mean, now, you know, what's the difference here? Listen, Casey, that's... I would eat the mascara. I would drink the fucking, you know. Yeah, because if you drink the foundation, you're getting liquid and like something of substance. You're an idiot.

DK, when was your first kiss? How old were you? 13. What grade is that? 7th. What about you? I'm really not sure. Kid was doing so much kissing, he doesn't even remember.

I would guess like 3rd grade. What? No, no, kissing, he doesn't even remember. I would guess like third grade. What? No, no, no, no, no, no. Like a make out. No, no, no, like a real kiss. Not like a... Come on, asshole. Fifth grade at latest.

You were making out in fifth grade? Yeah, that's pretty early. I hit a hard- I feel like The Rocker was doing that too. Fifth grade, yeah. I think I've said this before. I had the girl... It probably wasn't our first kiss, but it was early on in the kissing.

And we went to – Early on in the kissing. We had gone to a playground, and we had kissed in the slide kind of deal. God damn. If you're still playing in the playground in the two-slide and shit, you shouldn't be making out. We were making out. It was like I was holding the top of the slide so we wouldn't slide down cool and then she was like crawling on me making out fuck yeah fight we some sexy shit exactly like ages are just all blended together he's very

bad at this by the way like like like every like every childhood story i tell i'm seven years old yeah i just don't i don't remember you were holding yourself up in a slide in fifth grade. It was between fourth and sixth grade. Which is pretty much fifth. That's fifth. Okay. But anyway, maybe it was sixth because what happens next is really wild. And my mom picked us up at the playground and I had to stop by. I know we were going to my dad's office.

And we were in the back. She had one of those woodies. So we were in the back. There was a couple of woodies. so we were in the back where you're like facing the back and like you know yeah way way back yeah and we were the me and vanessa were back there and i wasn't going to go her government name but i did uh and i had stomp rockets and remember stomp rockets it was just like you had these little rocket ships and i'd like oh and you step on like the Those are awesome. She grabbed a rocket and was sucking it.

Oh, you've told me this story before. What? Pretending to suck a dick? Yeah, not like hardcore, jamming it down her throat, but was licking it and looking at me. I was like, I think I know what she's doing. What the fuck? I am not old enough for this. How old was she?

She was my age. We were the same grade. How did she see that already? I don't know. It's back before the internet was really. No, it wasn't before the internet. It was like, it was all dial up,

but yeah, you had internet. So maybe it was sixth grade. Did she go on to be like an upstanding member of society? Yeah. Yeah. She got married right out of high school. Lovely family. Doing great.

Yeah. When did you, you definitely had said that story on air. No, I don't think so. I think we were just talking about it at the bar or something like that. When you said it, I knew that something weird happened. I don't think I remember she was basically deep-throated. And then we big-time made out in the elevator

after that on the way up to my dad's house. Elevator makeouts are good. Yeah, when you're not a child. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's probably the only elevator makeout I've ever done. I think you're the only fifth grader in all of history that's made out in an elevator. Again, maybe it wasn't fifth. Don't hold me to the

fifth, but it was, I was super young. When was your first kiss, Kevin? I think I was late. I think I was like, probably like between seventh and eighth grade. Because I remember in seventh grade. Like, not talking about like pecking when you're in like third and fourth. Yeah.

Yeah. Like a real hooked up with this Jewish chick at a party in Pennsylvania. Yeah. She had a, she had a fat ass. I, that was the beginning for me. And that's when it all started.

You started just digging those fat asses. Yo, I'm coming around on that. I'm becoming a boob man. Hell yeah, brother. Yeah. You boob guy.

Always. I'm like a 60, 40 boob guy, but like, yeah, it's always, yeah, but that's why I can never, I can't always yeah i'm like a 60 40 boob guy but like yeah it's always yeah but that's why i can never i can't always trust jared because like he might think a girl's hot and she has like zero ass and it wouldn't bother him where i'd be no no no no no no you can't be you can't be flat ass yeah you gotta have something that you no no by the way this is like this is

like bad for business you're not allowed to do this like you've always had a firm stance that like boob guys are children yeah Yeah, I evolved, man. No, you didn't. You're devolving. You're devolving. Fine. As long as you still maintain that boobs are for little boys. It's just something I've been noticing. Boobs are for babies and boys.

And ass is where it's all about. No. Yes. No. Boobs are for children. No. If I was a dude, I'd totally be an ass guy. Absolutely. A million percent. Boobs are so like, look at her boobs, man. She's got such big boobs when you're in like fourth grade. No. And then eventually you're like, I want that ass when you're a man.

Well, you're a dope! You don't see elementary school kids being like, look at that girl's ass. Look at her boobies. Right. Exactly. Boobies. Yep. Yep. No doubt. And you're laughing because you know it'sies. Yep. Yeah. No doubt. There's a clear divide. We keep talking about role models.

Like this is like the third day in a row. This movie has come up, but it's like when he's like, look at those mountains. They look like boobies. Yes. That's your children. Yeah.

I don't give a fuck. Big boobs are hot too. I'm not saying that. Tits are great. I'm just saying like, if I have to pick, it is not even close. And if a girl is, like, totally flat but has a great ass, it doesn't bother me at all.

It bothers me. But the flip side, I couldn't do. I could never, like, if you're, like, an A cup, I just can't. See, that doesn't even phase me. Yeah. I mean, like, I've been there. Again, I prefer it. I've been there. I'm not happy to be there.

I'm saying it's, you know, like, if you have a butt to make up for it it's like whatever man nah i'm all good nope pass i'm gonna go back in time one day and tell younger me like dude we did stick with the boobs we got a boob girl so we're playing spin the bottle and like guys and girls were playing that had boyfriends and girlfriends. Really? Yes. So dudes were just straight up offering up their girlfriends to make out with their friends and random dudes at the party.

And was it like a makeout or like a peck on the lips? No, like straight up makeout in the circle. That's called a swinger's party. Yeah, that's like throw the keys in the bowl and mix it all up. If I had a girlfriend and we were all in like a party setting, everyone's having a really good time, I probably wouldn't do any of this. But if like you guys like pecked her on the lips, I'd be like, whatever. Yeah, no, it was like straight up.

The rocket's tonguing down my babe. Whatever the rule was, it was like, you know, three Mississippis of like a makeout. Jesus. And it's like, all right, one, two, three, and then the dudes would be like, all right, stop. But that was the rule. So like you basically just like made out with every girl that was at the party,

whether or not she had a boyfriend or not. And there's this one kid there that's an absolute fucking psychopath. And he was getting pissed at his girlfriend because like she was like, she was going over the three seconds and loving it. And then it ended up that he got into a fight with a dude on like the front lawn because of it like they just like started beating the shit out of each other and then he came back into the house covered in blood and it was like coming down like his like arm and then he ended up flipping like the table yeah he ended up flipping like the beer pong table over

and then when he did that the blood on his arm went all over the fucking ceiling. And this is all over Spin the Bottle. As like 22-year-old people. Yeah, so maybe we shouldn't play that. I was thinking, I was like, you know what, Spin the Bottle could be fun. Yeah, no, maybe not. It was like a swinger, Spin the Bottle.

Did you ever do Seven Minutes in Heaven? No. That one's really aggressive. I feel like that's only in the movies. What is that? You just go in a closet and make out for seven minutes? Yeah, stand there for seven minutes. That's a long fucking time.

But with a girl that you're dating, a make out for seven minutes is disgusting. It's impossible. Your lips would be chapped. Your tongue would be numb. Also, it's like everybody the whole thing was back then. It was like, and also everybody knows you're doing it and that's supposed to be embarrassing. Right? So it's like. Yeah, yeah yeah well well it's also more like you're

maybe supposed to do more than just kiss so you have seven minutes it's a long ass time but seven minutes i can make out have sex cook a sandwich yeah done i can do anything in seven minutes seven minutes is all the time you need for anything the cookie sandwich was too far i i was with you for the first two like okay that makes it cookie sandwich well make a sandwich well not not like a nice one but i could have a deli slap it together yeah i could make you a turkey turkey cheese mayo whatever i could get a good tomato you get sliced tomato in that i could slice a tomato for sure after making it and having sex if you put me like to the test oh can i make out have sex and make a sandwich in seven minutes

yeah that's different if it's a challenge, but you said it as if it was just like, yeah, I can do that anytime. Well, yeah, I was making jokes. It's a funny show we're supposed to have. You know what? Barstool Challenge coming up. I want to see you make out, fucking make a sandwich. What would I do it in? Probably make out. I could make out and make

the sandwich at the same time and then have sex and eat the sandwich. No, I don't think you can make out. I think you fucking... Yeah, you could have sex and make the sandwich at the same time. Yeah. You and eat the sandwich. I think I, no, I don't think you can make out. I think you fucking. Yeah, you can have sex and make the sandwich at the same time. Yeah. You need your eyes and you need to be able

to see and, you know. I'm very hands-on. The make-out is really, I have more free hands during that. Just like behind her back. Did you just have a seizure? No, I was dancing.

You feeling it? Yeah, I'm in a good mood today. I'm just, I'm like. But I normally don't see your hands up by your head when you dance. Yeah, that was a new one. Normally your hands are down by your side. Sometimes you got to reach deep in the back of tricks. If you were like trying to be like a DJ, like holding your headphones.

That was just like the headphones happened to be on, so they were a good handlebar. But I was going up to the head anyway. Could have been a head phoneless. These hands are flying. 833-857-8665 it's a friday on cck with me fights and marty um we'll talk about pretty much anything but john i know you're a big taylor swift fan yeah new music friday she dropped a new song heat city the first two she dropped were garbage from this new album agreed so i have a theory that i think that this new one lover right yep is really not that good it's just so much better than the first two that you like it now you could say that for like a new artist but you know good taylor swift

when you hear good taylor swift she's got fucking nine albums in the bank i know i just didn't listen to that and think like oh this is like i I don't know. This is throwback tea. This is her fucking reaching back and being like, I can still throw 95 on the black. Watch me. It was good. It's not like a banger, but it's a good song. How soon after midnight did you listen to it? It's also a great

wedding announcement because that's clearly what's happening. You think so? You listen to the lyrics of the song. She's just telling everyone I'm married. That's a problem. I sing them, but i sing them but i don't really like know oh i'm not a lyrics guy not i don't know i don't listen to lyrics i don't i like never like you're not a lyrics guy but you think that taylor swift is married because of the lyrics of her new song yeah i mean i don't like i don't most of the time i don't listen to lyrics but last night i listened to this like three times and i was like, you know what?

I'm going to actually listen to this one because it does, it seems like a nice song. In fact, it was actually someone, someone sent out a tweet with one of the lyrics and I was like, that's in that song. So I said, you know what? I'm going to go back. It's actually, it's like, uh, you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me. And at every table, I'll save you a seat. And I was like, that's pretty nice. So I went back and looked at all the lyrics and not looked but just listened more intently and i was like oh yeah this

is she's married the one lyric that you pointed out is the same one that i had a problem with oh yeah christmas lights this is our house married this is our house we can leave the christmas lights up until january if we want who the fuck doesn't leave their christmas lights until january That's crazy. I one time literally put a full tree. Not a dead tree. That's the reason we kept it up so long. It's like late March.

We were finally like, all right, we got to get this thing out of that. It was still as green and full as it was when we got it. It was crazy. It was a magic tree. It was amazing. Beautiful tree. But wait, why wouldn't it? I mean, trees die because you cut them up you

cut them out of the ground they're no they're no longer have roots in them you water it yeah i know but it doesn't do it doesn't it doesn't have roots it doesn't get all the nutrients it needs just the water flowers die too right what like if you take a flower out just because you keep it in water it doesn't live yeah flowers die if you put flowers in doesn't live flowers die those flowers are still going to die I don't know about that Marty I definitively know about this I assure you flowers in a vase with water

will die give me a tree and in the water because it's at least three weeks four weeks about a month it's always alive I mean sure a month first of all it's at least three weeks about a month it's always alive I mean sure a month first of all it's dead

it might not look dead it's not disintegrating but it's dead it's just what's dead? it's like a chicken whose head you've cut off and it's still running

that chicken is dead it's just got energy left in its muscles. No, John. No. I've always never understood how trees are alive anyway. They're breathing. They've got oxygen. Shit. Bullshit. They breathe out oxygen.

They breathe in carbon dioxide. Carbon dioxide. Alright, I'm good. We just like people on the line wanted to talk about water parks, they all jumped on it. We move on. They're like, oh boy, this one's gonna go for a while.

This one's gonna take a long time to figure out. One of them was like, splish, splash, like wanted to talk about that specific water park, he's done, he's like, nevermind, I don't know. Tree's fucking breathing carbon monoxide. Dioxide. You know what I said yesterday? It was such a bad one. I said,? It was such a bad one. I said valid Victorian. We're playing that game

Quiplash and I just said valid. I thought it was always valid Victorian. Valid Victorian. That's amazing. Somebody tweeted it at me and I didn't know

where it was from. Did you hear Marty saying valid Victorian? Because I had no idea. Everyone was laughing because I thought it was a good joke.'t know where it was from. Did you hear Marty saying valedictorian? Because I had no idea. Everyone was laughing because I thought it was a good joke. They were laughing. It was valedictorian. You just figured out that it's valedictorian yesterday. Literally yesterday.

It's like my other word I can't say. I can't say bachelorette. You can't say what? Bachelorette. I can't say it.achelorette i have to say like mondays and tuesdays must be a bear what do you watch me damn you watch it yeah you watch it my favorite show i have to say it really it's like bat it's bachelor and when i say it bachelorette. And when I say it, Bachelet. You're like a little kid who swears when he's trying to say a word. Do it again! Do it again!

I just can't say it. You just are missing the R. I say valedictorian. Valedictorian. That's the same thing. Valedictorian. It's different. Valedictorian.

There you go. bachelorette bachelorette the valedictorian gives the valedictory of dress jesus christ i also had a great answer to the question was one of the questions was uh what would you name a restaurant where the waitresses and waiters don't wear or like the workers don't wear pants? What's your answer? You got 10 seconds. Kilt. What? Commando. Kilt is a what? You say what would

you name a restaurant where they don't wear pants? Yeah. I mean kilt is a restaurant where they don't wear pants. No, you're saying they don't wear anything on the bottom? What? Fucking it's a question. Kilts. Kuda hooters.

Oh, it's a joke, not a question. It's a joke! Guys are moronic. What did you say? I mean, kilts is like a restaurant. It's like the anti-hooters where they're not wearing... It's like they're more showy down low rather than up top. So it's the literal description of the place or the little place of what you're describing.

Well, it's not funny, John. It was supposed to be a humor game. No one would have voted for kilts. What did you name it? cuda huda it's a good one but you just gotta lead it with I got a joke not I got a question to set up a joke

you gotta say like hey you wanna hear a funny joke it's not like hey I got a question for you knock knock who's there oh no I think it's the mailman. No, no, no, no. Oh, shit. Were there any other gems from that story? No, not much.

Valid. Valid Victorian and Cooter. I couldn't believe it. I was like baffled that it's not valid Victorian. Say Bachelorette again. Bachelorette. Because of Daniel in Dallas. Daniel, how's it going? Victorian. Say bachelorette again. Bachelorette. You're talking to Daniel in Dallas. Daniel,

how's it going? It's going pretty good on a Friday. I was supposed to say, Marty, you are some special little flower. Don't ever change, buddy. Don't ever change. Special little flower. What a compliment. Alright. So, Casey

is somewhat correct. I have seen people hooking up in a lazy river before so i used to work as a uh a lifeguard for a summer camp uh out in the dallas area and uh won't disclose the name kind of protecting us in here um but i was a lifeguard and so we'd be lifeguard in lazy river and whatever there would be like high school age kids at this camp uh you really had to like watch what they were doing be like hey let me see your hands like you have to actually call out like hand checks and shit because uh you know high school kids they don't know how to control their fucking hormones i knew i wasn't wrong these two idiots looked at me like i was a moron two instances instances doesn't mean it's right. We've had multiple calls

and he's a lifeguard at one of them. You're going to tell me that that lifeguard at a lazy river knows less than you? Here's the deal. He needs to be able to hand check them. He couldn't do the hands. I'm dug in on my stance. So you can get a hundred calls. You're not going to convince me. You can have all your

friends from Arlington call in with bucking plants. Not going to convince me. People don't hook up. What did you just say? You can call it with your planting calls. It's not the best place. I wouldn't recommend hooking up there because just as much we tried to keep the kids from doing it, it didn't mean that the camp staff didn't try, like, making out in the lazy river or doing anything.

Well, hey, making out with a totally different bag here. We're not about making out and additional activities. Like, hands under the water. You know what I mean. You're getting a hand job under water? Fuck that. I've never fucked in water. I have. It's awful.

I'm saying, fuck that. It's not a good idea. It is not great. I've never fucked a completion in water. I've heard chlorine or water is like a condom. Yeah, water takes away all the natural lubrication of the vagina. What does that have to do with the condom?

It feels like you're fucking a condom. It feels like you have a rough thing. Well, that's not what I'm saying, John. What are you saying then, Marty? I really like, John. What are you saying then, Marty? I really like saying John. No, like you could come

in a girl and nothing will happen. God damn it, Marty. No. There's no chance you could do that. I don't know the science behind it. I'm just saying definitively no. Oh, I think so. I don't think so. You think that you can just fucking fucking bang up in chicks as long as you're just in a body of water you go the atlantic ocean

no babies are popping out of there there's there's just no chance that's right i'm pretty sure i don't again i don't know enough about the science behind it to disprove you, but I know you're wrong. No, I think. Call in water people. I think I'm right. If you're a marine biologist, then how do dolphins get pregnant, Marty? Dolphins?

They live there. Yeah, so? They're mammals. They don't come. You're talking about dolphins don't come. Then how do they get pregnant? Animals are so much different than humans. No, dolphins are fucking mammals. We're mammals. They fucking come in? How do they get pregnant? Animals are so much different than humans.

Dolphins are fucking mammals. We're mammals. They fucking come in each other. No. There's just no. It's like, no, I'm not. That's crazy. What do you mean it's crazy? Do they fuck out of the blowhole? Not fucking the blowhole, no. They fucking the pussy.

Holy shit, I hate learning new things. Because now I'm going to think about it all day. It's the worst to fucking learn this shit. That's why I stay in my own lane and think what I want. I had such a good world. That's what I tweeted yesterday. I tweeted the other day. You think what you want to think. And I think what

I want to think. And now you're trying to disprove it. I'm not trying to disprove it. This isn't a new theory you have. I'm just telling you how the world operates. Dolphins have sex with each other, not in the blowholes. They cum with each other and they have babies, not in eggs. They just have a baby. It's like, find out

Santa's fucking not real. This is ridiculous. I never came on this goddamn show. I'm going to really throw a loop for you, Marty. No. Dolphins are the only other animals that have sex for pleasure than humans. Bunnies do. You just said that.

This is another instance where I don't have the science to back you up. You might be right, but you just said that so definitively. Cause I'm right. Nope. Bunnies. I mean, I heard Casey's.

I've heard that before as well. Like dolphins, the only ones I believe dolphins are also the only other animal that rapes yeah I think dolphins rape each other there's no system down there to put them away it's nothing they just go about their day afterwards but the

I've never heard someone just come back like wrong because I'm fucking right But I've never heard someone just come back like, wrong, bunnies. Because I'm fucking right. They fuck like bunnies. Is that why you think that bunnies have sex? Of course it is. That's why you think that's where that comes from? Oh, the calls are big.

You think they fuck like bunnies is like they fuck for fun? Yeah. You guys are fucking like bunnies is like they fuck for fun? Yeah. You guys are fucking like bunnies because bunnies always do it. God damn, I love you, Marty. Holy moly. My abs hurt so bad. I'm crying.

I'm doing a workout. You really went off the rails. Taylor Swift, new song. Anyway, great song. Congratulations to Taylor. You're married now. Oh my God. Okay. Well, the calls are banging out on this. We've got Evan in Texas that wants to talk about bunnies having sex.

Yeah, Marty. What up? The science behind bunny fucking, they can actually get pregnant while they're pregnant. Oh, boy. Double pregnant? Yeah, they get double pregnant. That's why they fuck so much.

They fuck like bunnies. Thank you. See, I'm right. They fuck a lot is what they fuck like bunnies means. That's what he's explaining. That doesn't mean that they're doing it for pleasure. Oh, they have sex all the time. They fuck like bunnies. It's like they're having a good time in there. They fuck like bunnies.

Guess I had the saying wrong too then. Tom in South Dakota, all this says is roosters, so I have no idea where that's going. What's up, Tom? Are you guys serious? Do dolphins actually rape other dolphins look don't again i'm not a marine biologist don't quote me on that one but i've definitely heard it before and if i hear something i don't look it up i just believe it's true you probably read one tweet tom no i mean have you ever seen a rooster like in a hen house no can't say that listen i'm from new jersey and i didn't think i'd ever see roosters there but i did so

if you uh you watch a rooster walk around he will pin down hens and like straight he will rape them because like hens i mean like i don't i'm pretty sure that's out of pleasure in alpha male shit but roosters actually like rape hens oh my god that's so sad yeah that's dark but here here's the thing though thanks for the call tom i i don't think that that's technically i mean again none of us are science here but if that's probably just like their instincts like roosters doing that out of instinct because he doesn't he's not doing it for pleasure. The only other animal that does it for pleasure is a dolphin. Dolphins are actually raping. What's happening?

I'm watching a dolphin be born. Also, yes, dolphins do. You both are looking this up right now. Dolphins do rape. There's debates about whether they have the morality to understand what a rape is. But they do have sex with people who...

Well, not people. Other dolphins. Well, also people. Dolphins also rape people. That's why girls can't go swimming with dolphins if they're on their period. Girls? I've been swimming with dolphins. That one I know.

They ask you. I went with my family and they asked my sisters and and mother are you serious why can't they swim with them because they get whipped by the tail or something no because i didn't listen to the first part you said because i was watching the birth if you're on your period you can't you can't go swimming with dolphins because they'll like drag you down under the water and so if that happens it comes the water. They can't be true. I guarantee you, if you were on your period, you could not go swimming with dolphins. Regardless, you have your period, you can't go in the water

because then that's just like shark central. Well, if you're in a dolphin pool. Because they're attracted to blood. Right. And if you're in a dolphin pool, I don't know if they're attracted to blood or if they're attracted to the pheromones or whatever it is. But they'll, like, drag you under the water and, like, take you as theirs.

Really? I've never been swimming. All these animals get portrayed as, like, oh, look at a dolphin. They're pricks. Like elephants are pricks. Yep. Yeah, right, sir? All those wild animals in Africa that you think are cute. You know, it's cool to have this as a pet.

No, no, no. Yeah, they get portrayed. They get a fucking good rap. They're pricks. Let's start that. Animals are pricks. Are there any animals that aren't? I don't know.

I haven't really met many. This needs to be like a TV show. Your face when you say these things. You're so serious. Like, well, I don't know. I haven't met a dog. My favorite animal that really gets me is squirrels because squirrels are like

kind of wild animals. You really think about it? Cause all they don't have to think about it too much. They're definitely wild. No, no, no, no. i like to think because like i think a lot of squirrels are funny i think so because they're like i find them gregarious personally there's they uh they like they're the ones that are always on the outside of the zoo like saying look i'm not caged up you

know what i mean what would you describe an animal that's not in a zoo how would you what would you call that what would you what would you call an animal that's not in a zoo oh yes you're a prick you're an animal i wasn't talking about that they're wild animals or that i'm just saying that they're the funny ones they're the funny ones. They're the funny animal. You definitely were. You started talking about, like, you told us to really think about it. Really think about it. But you really need to think about what their day-to-day life is. It's flying squirrels.

I also don't think I'd want to fly either anymore. But that is just because these squirrels, yeah, I think they taunt people. Like my brain's flying right now. Why? I mean, enough of the squirrels for a second. We'll get back on animals after the break. We had two minutes. Why don't you want to fly anymore?

I saw, so I was at the playing softball last week and I was, the wind was blowing like fucking dogs. And it was just flying and i was like had a conversation in my head what these birds are going through they were just kept going like this they couldn't keep flying and they were like oh jimmy it's a tough one out here like i was having a conversation in my head with them and the bird like can you imagine you're over a body of water and you can't just you can't just stop and also the wind it's brutal you can walk through wind you can't fly through wind yeah the winds i mean i get that argument it's a tough one it is tough i mean i guess if you're caught in the bad position of

being over a body of water but you know you could always just like if you're not over a body of water you cannot fly and i really don't get how people are fat and got skinny arms. That's a guy. Yeah. That looks funny. You look like a potato. It's like two picks in it. Yeah. You had a flap of fucking flab right there, but this,

everything else was so skinny. Yeah. It's like what girls like, oh, this is going to go straight to my ass. Like this all goes right to your gut. Some guys, you don't, you don't grow. Girls don't say that anymore that you want that to go straight to your ass. Yeah. No, I'm aware. I'm aware.

I'm aware how that works. Can I just ask, how did we go from you not wanting to fly anymore to fat people with skinny arms? My brain's flying today. That's what just happens in there. And we're all lucky for it. We are so lucky for it.