KFC Radio - CCK Podcast: The Calm Before
Episode Date: March 16, 2020KFC, Carrabis and Kayce take calls about the buidling hysteria around Coronavirus. Jared wants a gun. Kayce got kicked out of a wedding. KFC tries to get tested. Can you rewatch old sporting events? D...o you say "coronavirus" in the Cardi B voice? Zah used to do backflips. Are you a chronic narcissist like Bryce Harper?You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music.
It's time to self-distance, it's time to quarantine, and that means it's time to use DoorDash.
In these trying times where you can't go out, you can't go out to your favorite restaurants,
you can't get together with your buddies or your girl for a, or your friends for a dinner,
just stay at
home, stay safe, stay healthy and order DoorDash. Not only can they deliver, uh, your, your favorite
food to you, but they will do so now with non-contact delivery. If you're worried about,
uh, any sort of contact with any people that may be potentially carrying a disease, uh, they can
just leave right there on the door, on the doorstep for you. And you don't have to see them. You don't have to touch them. You don't
have to, uh, possibly spread any more Corona. So not only are they still one of the most convenient
and, uh, helpful apps out there to make sure you eat and get your belly full, but now also they're
doing things that are socially conscious and making sure that everybody out there is staying
safe. So DoorDash is for me. I use it every night when I'm ordering my dinner.
Actually, I do multiple meals. I usually do lunch and dinner on the weekends.
And right now you can get $5 off your first order of $15 or more when you download the DoorDash app and use the promo code KFC at checkout. Download the app, use promo code KFC,
and on orders of $15 or more, you get five bucks off. Stay safe. Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.
Oh.
Kevin.
You're just ridiculously stupid.
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Is this Kevin?
Welcome back.
Oh, yeah, man, how you doing? You good episode of CCK this week.
And who knows, based on quarantines and shutdowns,
who knows what's going to be happening.
Who knows?
We have contingency plans in place to maybe record
from home actually i don't know if you heard this yesterday casey i don't know if you're here
i'm talking about setting setting up uh like a kit at at home so that we can do cck but you guys
would either have to come to my apartment or you'd have to call in well what if the city shuts down
your apartment's not in the city that's the point I would
you know what I mean
oh you couldn't get there
we would have no choice but to call in because if the tunnel
shut down then we can't come to your apartment
I feel like we could just still
come here I'm going to say unless it's a Marshall
shutdown Marshall law
I'm still coming to the office
so you guys can be home
it's us two that have
to be in the office but i would rather i could we call in like using actual microphones i hate
that you can be home like cousin mike does with the actual mics it's just us two that have yeah
yeah i do know that i was just talking to jen our head of content and she was like did they give you
a ring light i was like well no but i would definitely she's like well if anything happens and we need to shoot like the daily snapchat things whatever like they did they give you a ring light? I was like, well, no, but I would definitely love a ring light. She was like, well, if anything happens and we need to shoot the daily Snapchat things or whatever, they're going to give you a ring light.
I was like, you're never getting that ring light back.
I got a ring light.
It works, man.
You do have a ring light?
Yeah.
I got a fucking $100.
I got a whole kit for my –
For what?
Pictures.
I set up a –
What the fuck is Kevin doing with it?
I set up – I have a little home – it's like a corner of my dining room that i like decorated got a desk put some shit up on the wall and i i shot like an instagram video there the other day
i i've had it set up for months i had you know i always have these grand plans and it takes forever
for me to implement them but i um i i it's a ring light that has like the the phone holder right in
the middle so i just like i recorded a story a video from there the other day when I got,
when I had to walk out of Banana Republic with my clothes.
Did you see that?
I did see that.
Yeah.
So like that.
You looked great in it because of the ring light.
Maybe I'll fucking do that.
But it was,
you know,
like shit like that happens and I'm at home and I don't have the kids that
night.
And I was like,
why don't I fucking film?
And now I have like a little spot to do it that looks kind of like,
you know,
official or whatever.
But the ring light is
it's great yeah it was a whole kit it was like
it came with a tripod
two tripods a light
a plug this is not the other thing so
from what I've been told
I want to say from what I've been told by people
who are popular on Instagram
that that's like the key to it
like if you're like an Instagram person
what that ring light? well no because like a lot of so a lot of people Instagram, but that's like the key to it. Yeah. Like if you're like an Instagram person.
What?
That ring light?
Well, no, because like a lot of, so a lot of people have this like weird, like they don't put selfies up unless it's on their stories.
I don't give a fuck about that.
You don't give a fuck about that, but people do.
So the girls that do that, they look like someone's taking their photos.
They're not.
They're setting up a tripod and a ring light.
What do you mean?
They're like taking.
Somebody else is not taking those photos.
I know, I know, I know.
But like, are they using like a timer for the camera oh like they're setting their phone up on the tripod with the ring light yeah and then they set it they step back it like bursts photos then they go set it so
it's like you probably also could just do a video and do like a screenshot right yeah but some i
mean i would assume again i've never i've never had one I've never had this. I'm getting one now, so everybody watch out.
Quarantine. Guess what?
I'm not going to Texas anymore. I got uninvited to a wedding.
So guess what I'm doing this weekend?
Fucking thirst trapping my way
right out of this coronavirus.
I was praying that it was the pregnancy
wedding.
Yeah, you know what? That is so mean.
You know what? You can't come now.
I don't care.
That's mean.
I hope it happens.
Well, I would, I'm not going to that wedding anyways.
Oh, it's in.
Well, no, no, no.
I'm, I was invited.
It's in Mexico and it's in the middle of the week.
Now it doesn't matter because it's sports at this point, but at the time it was, it's
supposed to be like right when the final four is happening.
I was like, I'm not going to take a week off of work to go to Mexico when it's a pretty
important time for sports.
Yeah.
Um, but when BC texts us this morning saying that we might,
you might not be able to come into radio.
And I told him I was uninvited to the wedding.
So I was coming to work today,
Jared,
it could not have been 30 seconds before Kevin texts me separately.
So I don't even know that I was like,
were you with,
were you with your brother?
I was like,
power move this bitch uninvited.
Were you with your brother?
No,
no.
So that news traveled that fast and he was like, unfucking invited. And I was like, power move! This bitch on inviter! Were you with your brother? The news traveled that fast
and he was like, un-fucking-invited.
And I was like, yeah, of course I was
un-vited.
I realized very quickly he thought I was uninvited
because I called somebody pregnant.
My brain didn't go there.
I mean, yeah, nobody has a wedding that close
to their bachelorette party, but I thought
that was the case.
You would have loved that.
Well, this one is still a power move, but it's well it's at least i think it's a bit
much what so they just are you like the only person from new york yeah i can't decide whether
that's outside of san antonio i guess that makes sense where it's like it's one person at our
wedding that might risk this whole thing right i totally I totally get it. I will say that,
you know,
it's not like she's going to come from New York and infect everyone.
And they're going to know right away,
like you're going to get sick a month later,
but it is,
it's we're in a situation right now,
just across the board,
across the world where it's like,
you don't know how people,
how alarmist people are,
how scared people are.
So I can't make the assumption that the person I'm talking to about plans
believes the
same thing that i do now the groom is one of the two guys that i constantly use as an example that
would not hook up with me definitely not gonna fuck your corona infested ass now yeah so but
that's how close he and i are he also is on the same page as me where it's like we should care a
lot more than we do and we're getting to that point but he's like i don't care if you come yeah
the bride and the bride's family are very scared because they have a lot of older family
members totally understand yeah i mean so i don't get it no you don't want that on your conscience
no i don't i don't and especially because it's like a wedding reception you're dancing with
everybody you're drinking with everybody i just yeah but like i said now that i got that ring
light i have new plans
thirst trap my ass
all weekend in that apartment
you're insane if you think I'm not using the
coronavirus as an excuse to not attend
the wedding that I have in March
definitely
there's probably going to be old people there
it's not like you're canceling
you're the hero
I don't want to do that to grandma
I gotta go back to Boston and then go up to maine like it's it's a great excuse if you don't really want
to go to the wedding my problem is this is one of those weddings i really really wanted to go to
like i'm gonna have my friends that are there facetime me the ceremony so it's like it sucks
because it's like okay 90 of weddings i'd be like fuck yeah i don't have to travel back home
i i would like to travel back to Texas for this.
But then I was like, what if I get stuck in Texas?
What if I can't get back into New York?
That would not be okay.
No, it wouldn't. If they wouldn't let planes fly to LaGuardia
or whatever, I would drive.
You really don't want to be home, huh?
Why? I feel like the panic is way less
down south than it is up here.
It's not panic, it's just like...
I don't want to be around my parents because of this.
I don't...
Well, people live in it, Jared.
I'm not talking about fucking leave. It's your house.
It's not just empty. People rented it from me.
I have a house in College Station. I guess I could kick them out.
That would be mean.
You definitely could.
No, I just... It's not my life.
That's all.
It's not my life.
I would probably drive back. it's not my life. That's all. Not my life. It's not my life. I would probably drive back.
But then, I mean, Boston's not great either.
I would go back to Boston, but it's not great.
It's everywhere. Right now, it's New York, San Francisco.
I think there was four states left.
Alabama being one, which is very funny to me.
Alabama, West Virginia, Montana, and Idaho.
Montana and Idaho, there's nobody alive there,
so there can't be anybody sick there.
West Virginia surprised me, though.
I mean, West Virginia gets, like, hickey, but, like, it's... Alabama you weren't surprised by? They're fucking's can't be anybody sick there. West Virginia surprised me though. I mean West Virginia gets like
Alabama you weren't surprised by?
They're fucking making out with their sisters down there.
Alabama
surprises me just I don't know why because
there's it just surprises me.
West Virginia really surprised me
because I've seen what goes on at West Virginia's
campus on West Virginia's campus.
Those people are making out all over the place.
When we did our college football show
there last year, someone freaked.
There was literally a naked man
in the crowd of the Barstool College football show
just bare ass dick flopping around
in the crowd. These people are touching each other.
That's why confirmed is the key word.
The testing is fucking... Montana, I believe.
Montana, I mean like fucking
the Unabomber lived
in fucking the woods in Montana for 40 years, just blowing people up.
And no one ever knew.
Yo, the testing shit is it's fucking absolutely despicable.
It's embarrassing to be from America right now.
Tell them, champ.
So my kids are both sick.
Keegan had 1027 today, like bad fever.
Both of them coughing.
Both of them wheezing.
Took them to take shade of them wheezing, took them,
took shade of the pediatrician yesterday, took Keegan today. And they gave him like,
they gave him a, a antibiotic for cough and all that shit. And they were like, you should call this clinic and like, see if you can get a test. We don't have them, but like there are places
around here that do. I call them up. First of all, I i was on i was on hold for 35 minutes just
hold music for 35 they don't they don't give you the option where they'll call you back
anybody who's not saying they don't give you the option to turn the fucking music off
they should but any company that's not implemented the will give you a call back
are broke bitches well i think what these people were doing is they're leaving you on hold hoping
that you just hang up and they don't have to fucking talk to you.
But I finally get through and I explain their symptoms.
She takes down all my information.
I'm thinking like, oh, shit, this is going to work.
Like they're going to give him the test.
Because I heard how hard it is to get the test.
So I was surprised.
And they're like, where are they from?
What's their address?
The whole nine.
Then they tell me the last piece of criteria.
They're like, all right, you know, fever, yes.
Coughing, yes.
Respiratory, fever. Yes. Coughing. Yes. Respiratory.
Yes.
Last thing is, were you within six feet of someone who is confirmed to have the disease?
And I, I guess I should have said, I wonder if I said yes, if I lied, if they would have been like, all right, what's their case number or something like that.
But I said, no, but like their grandparents are from Westchester.
They're one town away from the containment zone.
You know, it's possible.
And I'm not really concerned at this point because kids just don't seem to have it.
And I think they just have a regular cold, but they're checking every other box.
And they say because they were not in direct contact with someone who has confirmed to have it. You can't give the test. And I say to her, you understand that based on your criteria, no one's ever going to be
confirmed because you're never going to administer the test.
Right.
Like, like, all right.
So I said, I'm like, all right, I think that her grandparents have it.
But if they were to show up and ask for this test, you wouldn't give it to them because
they've never been in front of someone confirmed to have it because you won't give the test it's like this circular fucking riddle of how can you be proven
to have it if you don't administer the test and the only way you administer the test is if you've
been near someone proven to have it it's never gonna fucking happen unless people just start
lying about it well right but even that i i would i would imagine they probably need some sort of
proof or confirmation because i guess i'll find another place and just lie about it.
But the girl on the other end was like, yeah, I know.
It doesn't make much sense, does it?
Like it's not her and it's not even the clinic.
It's coming from like the government in the country.
But it's she was like, yeah, it seems like it's pretty like counterintuitive, pretty like illogical here.
I'm like, yeah.
And I honestly don't care too much because I really you know i'm not concerned about my kids but if it was my parents or someone who
was older or someone who i thought was like in danger and i'm also not really too concerned
because there's no treatment so it's like all right now i just have the knowledge and maybe i
can be a little bit more careful with my quarantine or whatever but i mean how fucking stupid is that
it's we don't give you a test
until you test positive. I wonder what they would have said
if when they were like, hey,
have they been exposed to someone
with the virus? Be like, um,
yeah, probably. I said, I was like,
I lied a little bit. I was like, their grandparents
live in the containment zone.
We go to work in Manhattan. I work in New York
City. I'm there every day.
I could have exposed them. I said, we ride the Metro North, which has a confirmed case. I work in New York City. I'm there every day. I could have exposed them. I said we ride the Metro
North, which has a confirmed case. I work in
the city with people. You just can't get a fucking test. And they were just like,
well, unless there's this
proof, I'm like, how could I
even prove?
I'm assuming that there is some
sort of like, what's the number, the
patient number, the case number, something
where you could actually prove it and they could look it up.
Because I'm sure I'm not the only person doing this.
I'm sure there's a lot of like maniac moms and parents out there who are like, we have
to get my kid tested.
But they said to me, they're like, you're doing everything already that the CDC would
tell you to do.
You went to the doctor, you got an antibiotic, you're monitoring the situation.
So like, that's all you can do.
And then she was also like, listen, if shit gets dire, you're not going to worry about
a test.
You're going to take them to the emergency room. So the test is really just kind of like a, well, yeah, but it's also like listen if shit gets dire you're not going to worry about a test you're going to take them to the emergency room so the test is really just kind of like a well yeah but
it's also like a but it's just but it's more it's more just so evident it's such a obvious
piece of evidence that's like we don't know what the fuck we're doing it's terrible in australia
you can get it the fact it's not even like The fucking Utah Jazz got them right away. A heartbeat. 58 of them.
Well, they're rich.
In Africa, you get them in two hours.
Right.
I mean, you know, it's not-
If you told me, like, Canada can do it, I get it.
You know, Canada has always been ahead of us in healthcare.
But Africa, South Korea, places that, you know, we logically should be ahead of or better than or more efficient than, that's embarrassing, man.
And then I learned, I didn't realize that the world
health organization were like here you guys can have the test and we fucking said no what we turned
down the who and i'm sure that has to do with some big pharmaceutical company who was like no no no
don't take it from them we'll manufacture it and i'm sure that was someone who's like hey donald
trump or whoever remember when we like funded your campaign well don't take the free ones from the world health organization
make sure that we get to manufacture those and then the ones that we did make were like faulty
and they couldn't make enough of them it's like everything's so politicized that's so
fucking stupid and nobody can get the right information because the media on either side
right left i don't give a shit what side
you're on they're fighting with each other because they want to prove the other person wrong it's
like i just want to fucking know how bad this is i don't care if that like cnn is yelling at fox
and fox is yelling at msnbc i do not care because this isn't like there's no line to be drawing in
the sand i i i believe this i could be wrong. I don't think Democrats or Republicans want people to die. I could be wrong. Honestly, I could be wrong, but I don't think that.
I definitely think that there are a crew of people, either political parties or
pharmaceutical companies or whatever, that do not care that old people are dying.
No, but the economy has something to do with that. So again, no politics, but it's like,
sure, if that's in a vacuum, which I think is very sad and i would never wish that the problem is is the more
this gets out of control and the less they're testing bad for business it's bad for business
which everyone likes money but i also wonder i mean because there's no cure i feel like uh
people like the npr i saw a tweet i didn't read the whole article i didn't listen to the podcast
i don't know all the details but the tweet and, and it's NPR, which I believe is pretty down the middle and pretty reliable,
said that Trump did not want testing done because he doesn't want the true numbers to be out there during an election year.
He fucking fired the pandemic response team.
I mean.
In 2018.
If you're running.
He fired him in 2018 because Obama was the guy that created're running 18 because like uh obama was like the guy that like
created it and he was like oh the obama's idea get the fuck out of here yeah i mean if you're
running for you know if you're running for president and you're the sitting the current
president and 50 million people get a disease you probably ain't gonna win yeah but that's just like
50 million people get a disease there's a much bigger problem than winning an election well that's but that but i this was the first example that i you know we i
think we said a couple days ago and you just said it now it's like democrat republican doesn't matter
everyone needs to come together like they're not coming together no they're not they're gonna say
remember an independence day when the plant when the fucking when every city across the world is
covered so everybody unites and he's calling Russia and he's calling the Middle East
and everyone's like let's fight the aliens together
if independence day happened I feel like we would not
we would not get together
United States wouldn't even get together
no absolutely not
the rest of the world actually probably would
we would be like nah we're good
we'd kill each other before the aliens could kill us
and I'm not saying everybody should come
I mean yeah ideally in a great world
like everyone would come together to fight I don't know a disease
at the same time but it's not even about that
for me right now it's like can the media outlets
and I mean I'm saying this working at partial sports
I understand it's easy because we can say whatever the fuck we want
we don't have people telling us what to say
but can you just give us the actual information
without somehow throwing somebody else under the bus
like I don't want to turn on CNN
to try to figure out what's going on with coronavirus and them talking shit Like, I don't want to turn on CNN to try to figure out what's going on with coronavirus
and them talking shit about Trump.
I don't want to turn on Fox
and hear them talking shit about the Obama administration.
I just want to know what's happening.
The clip we played of Trump sighing.
I was like, why are we talking about that, dude?
Let's talk about...
Like, are we all dying or not?
That's what I want to know.
I went back and watched the clip of Dr. Oz
when we had him on in Miami.
Yeah, I saw the video. We put it up on the kfc
radio youtube and it's it's like it's funny to you know he was talking about all of this
in january which is not that long ago but you know we were all like new to it and he was talking
about the testing and the prevention and the early detection and how we don't have the resources and
don't have the plan in place and uh it's like, wow, you know, for everybody kind of being,
that's the other thing too is when people are like,
this is just like, you know, it got out of control this week.
It's like, well, this has been going on for like several months.
Like people, the smart people who are in the know
have been talking about it for a long time.
You're just learning about it now.
So you think it's just instant hysteria and it's really not.
When was the first confirmed case?
December 31st.
It's so weird.
How close it was to us having that horrible flu.
I know we didn't have coronavirus,
but the way it's described,
I might've had coronavirus.
I'm sure there are probably people who had it and got over it and never realized.
But if it wasn't in America already,
then we couldn't have had it.
But it felt,
sure felt like it.
Yeah.
You're like 99% of what I'm saying.
Like what if, easily, if, you know, what if you, what if you did like it yeah you're like 99 what i'm saying like what if easily
if you know what if you what if you did have it and you just didn't know to go tell anybody or
whatever and so maybe there was a case in america but that's the way it's way better like well
everyone's freaking out now if someone's like dude you had it that would be awesome i think you can
still you can get it again probably yeah well yeah you can get the flu over and over. But here's the thing, too.
Did anybody in your family get sick?
No.
See, I was in my parents' house for a week where I couldn't go anywhere over Christmas.
And my parents, my sister, nobody got sick.
So it's like, okay, so if I had coronavirus, maybe it's not that contagious.
So I didn't have it.
I couldn't have had it.
Yeah, probably not.
But it is just funny when it's like we're talking about something that doesn't necessarily need treatment like you might just get over it and you didn't know about
it and there are people who are just like not maybe you know what what if there's people out
there who just like not informed not at this point it's impossible but a couple months ago if you
were like not in watching the news and didn't know of it you might just be like i don't know i'm
fucking sick i mean the fact in miami that we had dr oz and we weren't joking about it by any stretch
of the imagination but we were not taking it seriously whatsoever
and he was like well it could be a problem
he described it as a shot across the bat which is
I think the perfect way
if this doesn't make you go whoa we need to
redo our testing we need to redo our
whatever you said that got fired
the pandemic response team
that's probably more important than
we're thinking
and never replace them there's gotta The people who are- He's going to fire them and never replace them.
There's got to be people that are working on it.
Oh, yeah.
But I'm sure if he had a team in place that was ready to go-
Why did he fire them?
Because he was like, oh, Obama created this.
I want to do things my way.
Listen-
So it was some petty bullshit.
I don't understand politics whatsoever.
I feel as though a disease should not be politicized
That's my take
When there's hysteria
He speaks at three right?
Yeah press conference of some sort of three
The rumors are that it's going to be
National emergency which I have no idea
What all that entails
Does it have anything to do with
Locking us in anywhere?
Not yet
I watched the dark knight last night because I want to watch the world burn.
But I think it's The Dark Knight Rises where they shut down all the tunnels and bridges into Manhattan.
That feels like that could potentially actually happen.
Oh, yeah, sure.
I don't know if it's as dramatic as Batman's going to be.
A dude with a tank and a gun on the bridge.
If you show up, we'll kill you but um i'm sure i think it's probably more like you know they'll put up like some barriers on
the streets and the trains just like won't run so you can't do it also the grocery stores are
crazy right now like you can't go to trader joe's you can't go to like you can walk by any bodega
and they still have everything in the stores why have these people not figured that out
like i literally just walked out of my apartment into the bodega and was
able to get anything and everything
I want and there's like a four hour line
inside Trader Joe's. Like what the fuck can people do?
I literally bought like
so many fucking like meals.
Did you? Yeah.
Do they live in New York that send them to you?
New Jersey. See that
I wonder if like if we're locked in
those deliveries can't get in. those deliveries can't get in.
No, they can't get in.
So you better be careful.
Yeah.
I pick like the you can pick your own delivery date.
And I was like, give it to me on Sunday.
So I'm just going to like a month's worth freezer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that was so yesterday I go shopping and I start I do this regularly when I go to the
grocery store because I don't go very often.
I'll go to like pick up something for the kids.
And then when I'm there, I'm like, I need milk.
And I walk out with like $200
worth of snacks. So
this time I'm going with the intent of
loading up. So I loaded
up. But it was very
funny. It was almost like Kevin McAllister when he goes
like shopping. It was like you know here's a couple
like essentials and then the rest is just like
donuts and mozzarella sticks
and I went to the frozen food
section. I never go there. And I was like,
sure, chocolate chip waffles. Why not?
Blueberry waffles. Why not?
Get some of these sauces. Oh, White Castle burgers?
Sure, sign me up. Mozzarella sticks?
Let's go. Ice cream? Let's go. I mean, all things that are
just not really going to be
effective if there is an issue.
And then so I get home
and I forgot that I also have
all my Omaha steaks loaded up in there anyway.
I didn't even have enough room in my freezer.
So now I'm playing fucking Jenga, trying to put this shit together and load everything up.
So I don't think we're going to be in a quarantine situation, like a zombie apocalypse situation.
But if you want some snacks, holler at your boy.
We can't fucking get there.
If it happens, we can't get to you.
That's what I'm saying.
I want to buy a gun.
Oh, Jesus.
Okay.
What?
Just in case it pops off.
No, I want the option to opt out.
Oh, give me the option.
Like if there's I'm going to tell you right now, because you just said that you're never
going to get a gun.
Yeah.
Ellen, don't worry.
I won't let him get a gun.
Well, if there's a situation where it's like alright you're gonna
starve to death
no nope I don't think that's gonna
happen and I would prefer you
not have a gun
I grew up with people
who had guns but like I don't
I'm not prefer him not
have one
I think that you might snap and kill me first
yeah like that's
the problem with the gun in the house is just like
you you get it for one reason most people
like to protect my family you're doing it for suicide
but then
it's almost like
it's like if you like
if I'm trying to eat healthy I just don't even buy the
donuts because if I have them in the house I'm gonna eat them
if you have the gun in your house you might
use it when you didn't really.
Ordinarily, I got
so mad I punched a hole in the wall. This time, I
grabbed the fucking gun.
This is very dark.
Again, I watched The Dark Knight last night. Fantastic movie.
I saw that you said that's not a good movie.
Oh, no.
That was a Ken Jack
fake news quote.
Okay, I was about to say.
That was one of the greatest news quote. Okay, I was about to say.
That was one of the greatest moves.
The Dark Knight. What was the quote?
What, were you talking shit about it?
So Ken Jack, I gave Ken Jack the reins to the Barstool Radio Twitter during Big If True,
so now he tweets out like fake quotes.
Oh, just like truly fake.
He just like made it up.
I mean, we were talking about The Dark Knight, but he quoted me as not liking it.
He said that Zaha thought it wasn't that good.
I was like, I mean, that's just the worst take of it.
The Joker, that was one of the
greatest performances in the history
Heath Ledger R.I.P. it's so good
I'm gassed up for Robert Pattinson's Batman
I think his Batman's gonna be like
Heath Ledger's Joker where everyone's gonna be like
whoa I didn't know that guy could do that
I thought Christian Bale was so good I think the Dark Knight
is by far the best like superhero movie
by far yeah I don't I don't I don't like consider
those the same as Marvel movies,
which I know it's a comic book movie,
but I feel like Marvel movies
are done in a blockbuster-y
action way, and that was done
in a movie.
If Batman
was just a cop
or something like that,
a superhero, that's what that movie felt like.
That's why Joaquin Phoenix's Joker was so crazy what that movie felt like. Where it was just like. This is just a.
That's why Joaquin Phoenix's Joker.
Was so crazy. Because it was like.
Oh it's like the Joker.
It's Heath Ledger.
See but that.
I didn't like that.
Because that was just a.
That was just a crazy person.
Yeah.
Oh I loved it.
Very dark.
I loved it.
That didn't do it for me.
It was just like.
That could actually happen in real life.
Easily.
Yeah.
Easily.
Oh I mean it probably does.
I don't know about the way he like.
Kills people but.
Oh I mean like the. The streets of New york this is why you can't have a gun
i don't want to hurt anyone else besides casey i just want like if they're if i have that's
that's my thing it's like if this happens like i he doesn't live that far from me right like
it's gonna be like we're quarantined you want to come over like he ledger style like when he's
just like walking behind him and he's in the hospital like get up and like the hospital's blowing up that'd be jared in my building yeah he just wants me dead we got
brian from new york on the line he says he agrees with casey what's up brian idiot hey guys that
makes one of us chronic relief during this tough time you got it casey i got a got a question for
you when you had your flu did you have any respiratory issues like cough and burning chest
yes so that was what was weird was that my throat hurt because my i was coughing so much and after
my like i had a fever for like six or seven days and i've said this for like 104 degrees for like
four days my i was coughing but it was like one of those shallow coughs it wasn't really like a
like the deep deep cough but I could not stop coughing.
Jared's was deeper.
Mine was deeper, yeah.
Well, my fever was way higher, so.
Well, I don't think it was.
He had it for longer.
Yes, it was, because I asked you,
and you were like, oh, it's like a 99.9.
I was like, pussy.
Yeah, that was on my day four.
It started off at like 103.
Jared was like, that was Celsius.
That was Kelvin degrees.
Taylor from Long Island was cooking, man.
What's up, guys?
Hope you guys are kind of staying safe out in the streets.
But I was listening to the Joe Rogan interview with the infectious disease control.
Which, by the way, brilliant move by him.
I mean, it's not like he's hurting for downloads anyway.
But great timing.
I hope and I would imagine Joe Rogan would do this.
I feel like I really trust Joe Rogan.
I feel like he would only have put somebody on
if they really were trustworthy
because otherwise that's flat out reckless.
If Joe Rogan blasting out to 100 million listeners
like this guy and he wasn't really informed,
that could be some serious misinformation shit.
He's basically like a private investigator for diseases.
Right, right. But that's kind of what you need. He's not affiliated with anybody. He's basically like a private investigator for diseases. Right, right.
But that's kind of what you need.
He's not affiliated with anybody.
He's not skewed.
And what did that dude say?
He was like, 100 million people are going to get it.
He had some pretty dire numbers, right?
You know, guys were saying on the – you can't really watch CNN or Fox really anymore when it comes to this epidemic because everyone's
swaying there or really anything you can't watch anything right but this guy the first 15 minutes
i got all the questions i i was i wanted to answer he told things that were conspiracy theories about
this was a you know chemically made disease by the chinese which which he says it's impossible for the technology nowadays to even come up with that.
But I learned everything. And to be honest with you, I think we're fucked.
But I think we just got to play it safe.
So wait, give me a couple examples of what you thought
were true to be disproven or that you didn't know
or what were your main takeaways from thatven or that you didn't know or what were like your main
takeaways from that guy?
Because I haven't listened yet.
The main takeaways were that he said that this was almost like inevitable.
And the fact and other things he said that were the preparations to kind of control something
like this.
We were years and years and years behind to kind of meaning america
or humankind like the world i think he mentioned the united states but then he also kind of talked
about everybody was way behind well i mean i really do feel like there is something to like
nature kind of like course corrects and if there is anything any truth to like overpopulation or like condensing you know
i i think that you know there are certain things in nature that you just can't fucking stop like
the world's population has tripled since the last like pandemic how does anybody know that though
yeah i've always wondered i coley and i were talking about that when he was here right before
he had his daughter like he's like yeah you know there's like eight billion people in the room like
i feel like i've been hearing 8 billion since I was in
first grade. They don't fucking know that.
I feel like when it was, you know, when you hear
like 6.5,
you're prone to just say like 7
and then sometimes you're like, well, maybe
it's higher. I don't know, 8 billion. It's like, well,
we still have a little ways to go. But when you hear those
stats, like there are 13 people
who die every minute in this world.
What? How the fuck do we
yeah how the fuck do you know this shit we don't but to be to be honest with you guys i was um
at first i would say like i don't know six days ago i really i knew what was going on i just didn't
take it so serious but then once italy was so fucked down china was destroyed i you know since
monday i mean i haven't gone to the gym.
I mean, there was some asshole coughing
at the fucking water fountain
and I fucking screamed at the guy.
Are you fucking kidding me?
It was some old guy.
It was like in the 60s. I'm doing abs
and trying to get, you know, trying to get swole
and these guys fucking
guys fucking coughing up a lung
and I said, are you,
are you serious,
dude?
Yeah.
Are you serious?
And,
and then he was like,
what?
I didn't do anything fucking wrong.
I'm like,
you cough into a fucking water fountain that thousands of people during the
day are going to do the fucking use.
Yeah.
I mean,
well,
and that's,
that's where I do think people kind of are like,
well,
if you don't have any treatment, who cares about the testing?
But I do think if you had confirmed case, you would, you would be more prone to quarantine yourself.
Wouldn't you?
Like if you knew you had the disease, like, I don't want to go kill any grandparents.
I'm actually going to stay home.
I'm not going to go anywhere.
I mean, when you don't have that confirmation, you're like, well, I don't know.
I might as well go to work.
It's just people being so fucking ignorant.
You know, like Bryce Harper said, like, I'm going to live my life where it is and I'm going to shake hands.
Yeah.
People are.
It's not terrorism where people are like, you know, you can't change your way of life.
No, no, no.
You need to change your way of life to stop old people from fucking dying.
Yeah.
It's not like someone's trying to make this happen and you're being
heroic. Well, right, I know.
I throw that out there because
Dave and other people who
I still care about tons of old people
dying. Everyone's writing that off like,
well, it's just the old. I don't want
a million grandparents dead. That's sad.
Did you see what John
tweeted? The Newsday
article?
No.
So I'm going to pull this up.
Wait, let's hit a break.
You'll pull up the article.
Well, the headline is incredibly alarming.
All right.
When we come back.
My mom also texted me and said she doesn't want me to have a gun.
I probably don't need one.
Team Ellen.
Yes, ma'am. We're back. All right now.
We're back.
That's how I got me for a second.
What was that?
Let's go.
It's that Corona vibe.
It's the Corona tunes, Kevin.
That's what it is.
Yo, you know what?
You know where we should all really be?
Just on a fucking island somewhere.
Oh, beautiful.
I'm going back home.
Yeah, I mean, let's go to fucking Trinidad and Tobago
let's go to Barbados
let's get somewhere nice and secluded
they're probably not even thinking about that
ain't no cases
my parents called me
they were asking me how the coronavirus is
I'm like god damn it's crazy
they know nothing about it
good for them
I just you know
it is unbelievable to me how bad people are at their job sometimes nothing about it. Good for them. I just, you know, whatever.
It is unbelievable to me
how bad people are at their jobs sometimes.
Not even their jobs, their hobbies.
It's unbelievable.
Whatever.
This is real life, dude.
Let's not put that shit out there on the internet.
What was this headline from
Fight's tweet? From Newsweek.
Young and afraid of coronavirus? Good you now stop killing people yeah that's the headline and the whole thing is basically like
oh so you're young uh great you're healthy great you could kill five old ladies if you walk outside
i mean that's literally the whole thing but i mean the headline alone is super jarring young
and afraid of coronavirus good for you now stop but i mean it's true it's really like uh you know something like this is a kind of a good litmus test for
are you like a narcissist it's like like i'm not going to change the way i live my life like okay
fine but someone out there needs to because they're old and you're just going to put them
at risk because you want to keep shaking hands or even even like LeBron said his quotes before everything really popped off.
I bet you he would be different now or say something different now.
But him being like, I'm not playing unless there's fans.
And that, you know, the NBA didn't just come to any pressure.
Obviously, they took a first step.
But what if they were like, well, shit, like now we have to worry about LeBron not being happy.
And then when it's like you should just be on board with whatever it's going to take to just even if you don't
believe in this even if you think it's all hysteria even if you think that everything is is blown out
of proportion like you just don't have to be it's not a crusade that you're gonna again it's not
like terrorism where like you're a hero for fighting back or maintaining a lifestyle it's like just fall in line a little bit for a fucking uh it might be month it might
be three it might be long like a decent chunk of time but listen it's you know it's something the
world has never fucking experienced in the modern era so like just fucking they're help us out they
were saying that like uh it could die down in the summer months and then just come right back in October.
Well, like the fucking regular flu.
I mean, there are months where everyone's outside.
It's not it's funny that, you know, warm weather, the flu goes away because everyone's outdoors and windows are open.
But now everyone's like also quarantine.
Get inside.
Yeah.
I mean, I get I obviously understand why, but it is it's it's rather contradictory.
Back to these calls.
Eight, three, three, eight, five stools. Back to these calls, 833-85-STOOLS, the phone number.
A lot of questions.
I'm getting a lot of questions such as this.
Matt from Kentucky, what's up?
What's up, man?
How you guys doing?
Good.
So last night, I'm sitting there, right,
and just thinking about the no sports and everything like that.
I literally went through, I want to know if you guys did this too,
like every scenario of things I can do with my time.
I was like,
I'm going to write a movie.
Like I'll write a book.
Like I'll read.
I was like,
I'm going through so many life things.
I want to know what you guys thought of like what to do.
I'm staring at the wall.
I don't know what to do.
Well,
I mean,
this is the thing I've been saying this like all week.
I'm,
I'm ready for this. And like, like the people who are like, Oh, I'm going this is the thing. I've been saying this, like, all week. I'm ready for this.
And, like, the people who are like, oh, I'm going to get stir crazy or I got to figure out what to do with my time.
Like, I mean, I just do this shit.
Yeah.
Fucking everything.
This is my norm, dude.
A lot of people have been asking me.
Like shows and stuff to watch?
Yeah, Ronan from New Hampshire is online.
What do you got, man?
Ronan.
Yeah.
So from Endicott,
and we're...
Fake college.
Go Gulls, baby.
Fake college.
Go Gulls, baby.
Community school.
What's up, man?
We got nothing to do.
We're all home.
And would you guys watch
reruns of sports seasons
or like an old March Madness?
Or are we just going no sports? Rocket would
go watch it. Oh yeah, I mean he does that on a daily basis.
I do that. I can't do that.
I don't like re-watching games. It has to be
a big game. Like I watched like the game
seven of the 2016 World Series
the other night and like
I don't watch the whole thing. Like
I'll look at the box score and then I'll skip
to the innings where there's like run
score or like shit happens. I'll watch a rewind
or one of those condensed things. Oh, those are great.
The producers jump around for you.
That still gives you a different
vibe than
watching the full game but then
skipping to the parts where there's actually action in it because
you still... I know
what's going to happen but sometimes you forget
what pitch it's going to be on.
You're also just a freak to happen, but like sometimes you forget like what pitch it's going to be on. So like, you're also just like a freak.
Yeah.
But like,
I still like,
I still get like that.
Like nobody's checking the box scores and then fast forwarding.
Yeah.
Nobody's getting like the,
you're still like,
Oh yeah.
That's not true.
And a game like that,
that's one of the most exciting games.
Yes,
but nobody,
I wouldn't know Jared.
So fuck off.
I mean,
yes,
it is fun to rewatchwatch games that mean a lot.
No doubt about that.
The idea of rewatching an entire March Madness tournament
makes me want to pull my hair.
I love the Sun's brilliant move.
And I hope that we pitch the idea around here.
The Suns are going to play their games on 2K.
It's so good.
They're just going to play whoever's on the schedule,
whoever they would have been playing.
They're going to play like whoever's on the schedule whoever they would have been playing they're gonna play on on uh we have the playstation and then and then uh
stream it i guess but there should be some sort of march madness like tournament on twitch i mean
yeah some sort you get people to what sucks is that there's no they don't do like college
basketball video games anymore right that was That was always the thing. Everybody loved
NCAA 2005 or whatever it was.
So if you could do that right now
and if you could just play or simulate
the tournament,
I guess the problem is they didn't even do the
Selection Sunday. If you had the seating
and you could just be like, alright, here's how it would have played out.
We're going to do it on Nintendo.
There's the hypotheticals that are out there right now.
You can just fucking cough, dude.
Get the fuck out of here.
Until the testing improves.
Speaking of which, did you get that
ring light on Amazon?
I love it, Jared.
No, you know what? I actually didn't, but you certainly can.
I got it at Best Buy. I saw it like
I was getting something else.
I'm just going to search for ring light
phone holder.
I'm going to be posting full like ring light phone holder. Yeah,
probably.
Dude,
I'm going to be posting like full blown nudes on by like day eight.
It really is.
I mean,
every time,
every time I've done it like twice,
but I set my,
that little corner I was talking about.
And as I'm setting it up,
like,
you know,
you got to press record and then I got to run to my desk or whatever.
But when I first press record and I'm right there and my face is in it, my eyes are popping, and the light's on.
I'm like, oh, shit, son.
That's the main reason why I'm going to start doing shit at home is because I'm actually going to have some self-confidence for a change.
I'll be like, I look fucking sexy.
I got a question maybe for both of you because do you have a gym at your apartment?
Yes.
Are you an asshole to use your apartment gym during the quarantine if there is one?
I mean, again, it's like...
Do you have to?
Can you just do some work in your room?
I've already been...
No, dude.
I need the fucking iron.
I've already been not going to Equinox this week.
Really?
I went on Monday and it was full.
And then I started thinking,
I was like,
you know what?
I have weights
and stuff in my apartment building,
which is probably,
I mean,
at least it's like less people.
You're not all sweating.
And then I also can do stuff
in my actual apartment.
Yeah.
I have a fucking dip bar
in my room.
Yeah.
Like,
it's just not worth it
to go to the gym to me right now.
Or take a fucking break
for a week.
I'm actually shocked gyms haven't shut down.
I was talking to...
Post Malone last night.
Post Malone had an 18,000 person concert
last night. Really?
And now they've canceled. Denver.
Now they've canceled the rest of his tour, but they were like,
let's sneak one more in here.
I had tickets to Broadway last night
and I was like, I bought tickets
yesterday morning once I realized I was not going to Philadelphia for a concert,
like I bought tickets and then they just shut that down immediately.
Made sense.
The fact that Post Malone didn't like nobody shut it,
not even him.
The fact that nobody else shut it down.
Nate Bargatze canceled the show.
He had like a 1600 person venue sold out and he said he was waiting for the
venue to cancel it and they didn't.
And so he stepped up and was like,
sorry guys,
but we're canceling this because you're probably going to run into
liability issues and lawsuit issues.
If I was going to ask,
does get it there.
Like,
do you think that this is obviously a wild hypothetical scenario,
but what are the odds that you could,
you could see some sort of like manslaughter. Where if you know that you have it,
and you just like, say some lunatic gets it,
and then he goes into a fucking retirement home.
Earlier this week, he said he went to all the bars
and was like touching shit on purpose.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I do think, yeah, you're a complete asshole.
The problem with it right now is it's like,
John was watching Contagion the other night,
and it's like... It's sickening how much those movies
are up, by the way. Oh the way. Contagion and Outbreak
are trending on Netflix.
People want to watch it.
When I told people I was watching The Dark Knight last night, which again
a dark movie about complete
chaos. That's dark.
What the fuck? I don't want to watch a happy movie.
Have you watched Pandemic yet?
No. What's Pandemic?
It was a Netflix
docuseries that came out in January.
That's like, Hey world, just letting you
know that a new pandemic could be happening
anytime soon. We don't
know when, but be prepared. And it's
literally all about this. It's a documentary.
It's a docuseries. I
prefer it'd be fake life. Yeah.
I want to watch Gotham. I want to watch New York
bring down on the ground because it
came out in January. Right. I understand that. I got it. I got a DM for me from, I want to watch Gotham. I want to watch New York burn down on the ground because he's a ledger. It came out in January.
All right.
I understand that.
I don't want to watch that.
I got a DM.
Stop for me.
I want to watch fiction.
I want to watch real life.
I got a DM from this dude, Mike.
Mike sent me this.
What's the other one that came out in 95?
Outbreak.
Outbreak.
But see, Contagion, it's like, I know how people get sick.
That's what John was saying.
He's like, I understand how people get sick.
You're dying in two days if you get that in Contagion.
It's like Bird Box. Like people are like oh like cardi b shout out queen cardi b the other
day when she was talking about bird box like yeah we're not dealing with that right now if you get
coronavirus it's not like you're gonna just all of a sudden die that in that moment doc can you
pull up cardi b's uh videos on her instagram there's two government the government we're
gonna move to antarctica antarctica Did you see the one the day before?
No.
When she's wearing that like see-through dress that kind of like it looks like it's almost metal.
Zaha, pull that one up.
I think it was her first one on coronavirus.
And she starts talking about people like not being able to get their fashion ova because it comes from overseas.
That's the one I had first.
Yes.
Coronavirus.
Coronavirus.
Coronavirus.
Coronavirus.
That's unreal. That was it? No, no, no unreal no no no there's a whole video
I don't understand how that shit was
from Wuhan China
now all of a sudden this shit is on motherfucking tour
and let me tell y'all something I didn't go up front
a bitch is scared
I'm a little scared you know what I'm saying
shit got me panicking
and a lot of you motherfuckers think it's a joke.
Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick.
Like, I was thinking, right?
But that shit right there, just because you think you are mutual, guess what?
Your pocket ain't, bitch.
Because a lot of shit comes from motherfucking China, bitch.
So if you wonder where your motherfucking weave or your fashion over motherfucking packages have arrived, guess what, bitch?
Ha, ha, ha.
Coronavirus.
Coronavirus.
Coronavirus.
I'm sending her
shit is real
shit is getting real
Cardi B is
she needs to be like the spokesperson
like I want like the
real information but I want like the head of the
CDC to send it to Cardi
and then be like tune into Cardi B's Instagram she's gonna give you
like the scoop the lowdown
I mean the fact that she
oh and by the way I think we can all just go ahead and assume
that Brayden's dead. He died from coronavirus.
He didn't call his daughter.
He's dead.
I'd like to think that he was dead
and didn't just fall off
really quickly.
I got that government clip.
Play that one.
You want to know something? I know shit getting real.
Once the stock market starts going low, that's how I know shit getting real.
Because ain't nothing that white corporate America hates the most than losing motherfucking money.
And all we need to know is, like, come on now, let's stop playing around.
Is this coronavirus shit going to be like a couple of weeks type of shit?
Or it's going to be a couple of months type of shit?
Let me know so I can start motherfucking racking up on foods in Montclair.
So a bitch can move to motherfucking Antarctica, bitch.
Because this shit look like we about to be bird boxing in this motherfucker, bitch.
I'm scared.
But you want to know something?
I'm about to get the fuck.
Because I was really thinking about moving to the islands.
But the shit is motherfucking spreading.
But I know ain't nobody going up there,
but I is, bitch.
What's up?
But I is, bitch.
That must be like a weird feeling
as a major celebrity to know that like,
oh fuck, I have all the money in the world
and nothing can like protect me from this.
It doesn't matter.
Like there's no celebrity bunker you can go to.
Well, that's what I was saying with Dr. Oz too,
is like, it doesn't matter how technologically advanced we get.
And in this case,
America is like not,
and we're behind,
but you know,
in general,
usually money resources,
like planning practice,
whatever,
you know,
and the more you do that,
the better off you are.
But mother nature,
that's it.
If a volcano is going to erupt,
it erupts.
If a disease is going to spread,
it spreads.
If a tsunami is coming,
it comes.
There are just certain things you cannot stop or fuck with.
We got Matt from Massachusetts.
What's up, Matt?
Yo, two things.
There is a season that hasn't been canceled,
maple syrup season.
What season?
We tap and freeze.
Maple syrup season hasn't been canceled,
so we still running.
We tap and freeze.
Fuck your sap trees Fuck your sap
Hey slow down
Slow down
And Barstool sports
How come you guys aren't doing like home run derbies
Some dodgeball tournaments
There's no sports but you guys have the ability to
Well you were talking about doing something right
Yeah I was thinking about doing like a wiffle ball league
Listen
Be patient for a little bit.
Yeah, we've been...
This is actually...
There's been a lot of shit in the works, regardless of this,
that I think now this is going to heighten it and make it better.
It's been two days.
It's coming.
Okay.
I mean, I did two cartwheels and I had to ice my knee.
Yeah, but also...
I've been doing fucking backflips with a bad knee.
I think that...
Yeah, what are you doing?
He said to me, my ACL's on fire.
No fucking kidding.
I had to cut a promo, Kevin.
I mean, I do respect the game.
I respect the hustle.
You know that I used to be able to do a backflip?
Really?
Like, you would do a cartwheel into a backflip.
So I used to be able to.
So I would go for, like, 10 cartwheels in a row, like, actual fat,
which is why I did it, and I tried to do it,
but I'm not, like, way too fat and too old.
I'm too fat to do it.
And then I would end it with one of those.
I'd love to see that.
You know what?
I used to be able to do that too,
guys.
I can never do it.
I just,
I can't do it anymore.
I used to be able to do backflips.
I can't do it anymore.
How's your wiffle ball game?
Um,
I mean that I haven't played with a ball either in 10 years.
Oh yeah.
That's true.
Your shoulder.
I'll blow out of my shoulder and playing with,
well,
I mean,
I,
I was never like a, a great wiffle ball player anyway. Um, like I'll blow out of my shoulder and playing with. Well, I mean, I was never like a great football player anyway.
Yeah.
Like I would play like occasionally.
I'm not like when you guys were like, you know, it's like summertime is with a ball season for you.
But, you know, I would say you wouldn't need to do anything anyway.
Sure.
Just fucking, you know, just hit homers and hit.
I'll be there.
I'll be like more.
I'll just lay down. and not give a shit I'll be like more just lay down
how do you play
like do you do
like there's fielding
and like you know
the usual like
but you don't
we used to play like
no no no
people would do that
two on two
you know
you could play
this is a single
this is a double
yeah yeah
you know you feel
the cleanliness and out
yeah we're not throwing
the bags and shit
the question that
chief put up yesterday
about who you would
want to be quarantined with. Would you pick
John? Who would I be
quarantined with in Barstool?
I was actually thinking about that.
Probably, but he's pretty gross.
He is pretty gross.
I think I would probably
I could maybe do Rocket, but I think I would do Trent.
Trent would be a great person to be
quarantined with.
I couldn't sit around watching old games and shit
I would watch Mets games with you if you want
I don't want to watch Mets games
Jared I don't like watching live Mets games
let alone fucking reruns
I love sports
most people don't want to re-watch a game
that they already know what's going to happen
unless it's a specific game that's
really really important in their memory
I'm not watching May 17th it's going to happen unless it's like a specific like a game that's like really really important yeah like
I'm not watching like May 17
fucking Red Sox Rangers
don't tell me you wouldn't
if you couldn't leave your apartment
something of note would need to happen in that game
yeah but like he doesn't want to watch that
your
list of what you could watch
with Jared would probably be more limited than with Trent
yeah I feel like in Trent we can watch the same. Yeah. I feel like we can watch the same reality TV trash.
Yes.
Like I feel like we're the same movie.
We definitely like the same music.
Like he would know.
Jared asked me who Chris Harrison was.
Yeah.
We can't have that.
He's just some fucking guy that played in my charity softball tournament.
That's all.
I feel like I would.
But I would, if I could pick like a crew, it would be the couch crew.
Like Rob, Trent, Rocket would probably be.
But I mean, also, me and John would just be like, I would be quarantined with John at my place.
I don't want to be in his place.
Yeah, that's fair.
That matters.
Being quarantined at my place, I got fucking five TVs, dude.
You can watch whatever the fuck you want.
You can watch two things that you want.
What I think, what I would really do is if I didn't have kids and shit. and shit first of all i mean as scary as this is and as much as you have to take
it seriously if you are like 25 and single and living in the city and you get to work from home
and quarantine all that shit that's fucking awesome stock up on your booze stock up on your
weed call up your boo get quarantined with her him and just fucking party until this is over
i don't that's the thing about getting quarantined with the or him and just fucking party until this is over that's the thing about
getting quarantined with a girl
I understand
I don't mean like you're stuck
if you stay in Manhattan
it's like you come to my apartment
I'll come to your apartment
we don't live together
I remember saying that was different
when the hurricanes were coming
and you had to be indoors
that's different if you're going to bring a girl over That was different when the hurricanes were coming and you had to be indoors because you can't be outside in a hurricane.
That's different where it's like if you're going to bring a girl over, you better make sure you're on the same page.
But this where it's like, all right, one night my place, one night your place.
You could have a good six-week run.
Is that a true quarantine though?
I don't know.
I don't know what the rules are.
They're even saying in Italy, it's not like people aren't allowed out of their houses
at all. They can't
go to restaurants. They can still go to
places. They just have to go from their place to theirs.
Are stores open? I don't know
in Italy. They have a lot of food runners.
I know that there's more food
runners. They can still get food and stuff.
But the Manhattan
quarantine, that's the rumor right now, is not
that you can't come out of your apartment. You just can't leave Manhattan.
Right.
So like anybody in Manhattan can still hang out with each other.
Right.
I think it's a great.
Let's make lemonade.
Let's make lemonade out of lemons.
You know what I mean?
Got to stock up on that wine.
Right.
Your wine.
Get your drugs.
Get your girl.
Get your food.
Get your cigs.
How long is it?
Here's probably just a question for me.
So I'll take this one. How long into the quarantine before we are watching like zombie themed porn?
Well,
Kate put up,
uh,
the,
like the 10 best,
um,
quarantine themed porn on Pornhub right now.
Okay.
And there is some fucking,
I was expecting to see that on like the landing page,
people wearing like masks and making out People fucking in hazmat suits
Very funny
What are they doing?
They're offering
Premium
Premium subscription
Till April
Pornhub is the goat when it comes to jumping on these
Marketing
But again
Everybody's going to be watching porn no matter what
But it would drastically change If you're not allowed to leave your apartment If you can't leave your apartment marketing but again i mean yes everybody's gonna be watching porn no matter what but it's would
drastically change if you're not allowed to leave your apartment yeah that's like if you don't if
you can't leave your apartment and whoever's in your apartment is the only person that you can
like physically have sex with then yeah the porn is gonna go way way up but right now people right
now people can still go to other people's houses and fuck you better be like backing up their
servers seriously netflix did netflix like talked about they like they like stress tests of their servers or whatever the fuck which is which is weird that
they were doing all that what like well before this coming yeah i think that wasn't it like
early january i mean what we're learning is that rich people they're there and yeah i mean they
fucking know tom hanks shout out tom h-a-n-X. He knows. Shout out Tom Hanks wearing those clear frames, too.
He's fucking stylish.
I mean, yeah.
Carl Lynch treatment.
All right.
So that's it for us this week.
And maybe forever.
Maybe.
I do think we'll be set up technologically that there'll still be some sort of show,
no matter what the circumstances are.
So whether we're here or at home, you'll still get your CCK fix, I hope.
And in the meantime,
everybody stay safe and just like,
uh,
you know,
listen to what they say.
Stop being an asshole.
Don't be an asshole.
Make sure Nana makes it to fucking Christmas and we'll see you next time.
Stay safe.
Stay hot. I'm out.