KFC Radio - Chicks Dig (Emotional) Scars

Episode Date: January 5, 2021

Subscribe, Rate, and Leave a Review! - Tom Segura's gruesome injury from #2BearsLive - Bitcoin and Dogecoin are through the roof - The Carol of the Dead - Bean Dad - We finally found out what girls do in the bathroom and we are shocked - Mr Feitelberg learned about water recently - Giants fans are being crybabies - Voicemails: - What would happen to the population if men and women both had to climax to get pregnant? - Should this guy date a girl because she's cool, rich but he's not attracted to her? - What's the most concerning thing about your body that you haven't changed? - If you had the master key to every door in the world what would be the first lock you opened? Let us know what you think on twitter: @KFCRadio @KFCBarstool @Feitsbarstool Subscribe to the KFC Radio Youtube Channel for the full podcast: www.youtube.com/c/kfcradio Subscribe to the KFC Radio Clips Youtube Channel for the best clips: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCspldj_2KhBix7eVxe2H8xgYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/kfcr

Hey, KFC Radio listeners, you can find every episode of KFC Radio on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Pretty fun. The Dead Caroling? The Dead Caroling was a good time. It's another edition of KFC Radio on the Barstool Sports Network. Our first episode of 2021. It is January 5th.

Yes. Tell the folks the question of the day. I was going to correct you. I forgot about the conversation we just had. It was actually January 4th, Kevin. Fourth as we record it, fifth as you listen. We got the KFC Radio Tearaway Calendar, which has funny quotes, ATI questions, moments from the podcast from the last year.

So January 5th. Question of the day. Would you rather randomly stub your toe, get a brain freeze, or bite your cheek three times a day? Easy peasy lemon squeezy, this one. I just recently bit my cheek. That's off the table. That's number one off the table. Can't do it. I mean, the problem is

that is the injury that keeps giving. Because it swells up and then your teeth continue to hit it and it's like When you have either an injury with your mouth or your back, it ruins your teeth. Your whole life. Stubbing your toe is. Brain freeze lasts two seconds. I'll take either one.

So wait. Brain freeze is the best. I think stubbing your toe. Well. Because stubbing your toe isn't fucking breaking your toe. No, no, no. But no. See, brain freeze.

You can have a bad brain freeze. But brain freeze. The range of brain freeze is like this. It's a very fine line. The range of stubbing your toe is huge. You stub an individual toe really bad, and you're talking like bruising and losing a toenail and shit. Never had that happen. Not in China.

If three of your toes share the brunt of a stub, it hurts for a second. But if you single out a pinky and really, like, you got some momentum and you, like, clip a fucking... I feel like that's a big dad injury. Huge! I don't know when the last time I stubbed my toes. It's a dad and having a shitty apartment thing.

Like, if you don't have a lot of space, there's just, like, shit and furniture in the way. Like, I don't have... I have, like, you know, I walk through, like, corridors, basically, you know? I don't have a lot lot of space so it logically makes sense that when you become a dad you step on fucking legos and shit because like now all of a sudden you have all those things in your apartment what doesn't make sense is how little it happens to mothers it's like these things these toys and this shit gravitates towards the feet of men and when it happens you want to take your children and drive them to the nearest bridge and throw them off.

I think this happened because of you. If I had to guess, it's because the mother's cleans up and spending time bending down, picking them up. Mother's back hurts. Dad's feet hurt. Yeah. But it's it's crazy how much I step on. Just like ran. It's just fucking goddamn monster trucks and stupid shit all over the place.

I feel like you also kick tables a lot. This is – I have no evidence to support this. Absolutely. You just look like a guy who kicks tables. I kicked the shit out of like my bedpost, like a bed foot the other day. I mean I destroyed it. And there's that half a second where the pain is traveling to your brain, up your foot, up your toe, into your brain to tell you

your foot is fucked. God bless you. And in that split second, you're just like, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming. It's going to suck so much. And then when it hits, it's like, yup, this sucks! And it just, I feel like in that moment if I could chop off my feet, just get rid of my toes, I would.

That would do a lot to cure the pain, I imagine. Just get rid of them. Just saw yourself. Just chop them off. Take the foot off. Dude, while we're all over the place, we got a lot to talk about. But I have to give a shout out to Tom Segura. Yeah.

That injury. I almost feel like I need to to Tom Segura. That injury. I almost feel like I need to send Tom Segura a cease and desist. Is that not something that would absolutely be how I got injured? I don't even know. You think even I'm above that? That might be worse than you. Because, I mean, Tom legitimately looks like a cartoon that slipped on a banana peel. The movement his body makes,

it defies physics. He goes, his feet are up, but he's still traveling upwards. It's amazing. It's like someone up in the rafter, sitting like Sting, lassoed his feet and pulled those. He looks like

he stepped in one of those booby traps where there's a little a little fucking ring and it just like a tree like whips you up if you don't know what we're talking about tom segura burke reicher two bears one cave uh i i mean i'm i'm there they're them and tim dillon like the two shows i actually listened to i finally became a podcast listener i know and you know what you know what we probably should have done it a long time ago because now that i listen to podcasts i'm like oh i don't i don't like that and i'm like oh well we do that you know what i mean it's like

we probably should have given this a whirl i'm still blissfully unaware yeah i feel like i ate the red pill or whatever i wish i could go back uh but so they do um live shows together and they tried to have a series of like physical challenges. They played tennis against each other and they compete against this, compete against that. And then the last one they did was play basketball. And they did a dunk contest where they progressively they lowered the hoop and they progressively raised it. And Tom like plays basketball. And Bert has like the Mickey Mantle jeans.

So he's not like a basketball player, but he can kind of just do everything. He, by the way, he so like he truly has the Mickey Mantle. He went he's not a basketball player, but he can kind of just do everything. He, by the way, he truly has the Mickey Mantle jeans. He went and got a health scan of everything. Like, perfect health. Really? Like, perfect liver. His liver's fine. That makes me feel good.

And you are very Kreischer-esque. Every time we talk, we're always like, I'm like, all right, I feel a little better now. And Bert being perfectly healthy. Bert being perfectly healthy and Keith Richards being alive. I'm like, I can't do that. Yeah, we're always like, I'm like, all right, I feel a little better now. Yeah. And Burt being perfectly healthy. Burt being perfectly healthy and Keith Richards being alive. I'm like, I can't. Yeah, you're good. You kind of, I think you have that. I think you and Burt are cut from the same cloth.

What, both took fucking far too long to graduate from Florida State in the sense that I haven't yet. He did. Yep, a lot of similarities. A lot of similarities. But during the dunk contest, like tom was going up for one last dunk blew out his patella tendon which is like the gooey shit in your kneecap and then fell on his arm and like destroyed his arm like it almost broke through the skin it was twisted like 720 degrees burt had to like untwist it. And I mean, it's a horrific injury.

But so the thing was, if you're a listener of the show, this happened like a month ago and they did a very good job of like holding this content hostage for their live show. I mean, they probably got like probably like 20,000 more subscribers to that show just for that fucking injury. And I,

I guess somewhat stupidly because both Tom and Burt are, you know, middle-aged guys and not, I was talking to Coley about it Tom and Bert are, you know, middle-aged guys and not, I was talking to Coley about it and I was like, you know, I thought maybe he got like undercut going for a rebound or like got hit hard on a fast break. And Coley was like,

you thought that Tom Segura and, and Bert Kreischer had a fast break. And I was like, no, I know it doesn't make sense, but the severity of the injury has to like, and that's why it reminds me of me. When I fucked my shoulder and shit up, they looked at my – In a way, right?

Body surfing? No, even worse. This is why it's my brand. The first time was when I was sleepwalking. Oh, right, right, right. So they're looking at my MRI, and they were like, were you in a car – like a vicious car accident? And I was like, no. And then they're looking at me. They're like, you don't play football in college, do you? I'm like, were you in a car, like a vicious car accident? And I was like, no. And then they're looking at me.

They're like, you don't play like football in college, do you? Like, no, clearly. Like, well, what happened? I'm like, I fell in the hallway. But it was so mangled that they were like, this must have been a horrendous injury. So when I heard that Tom's like bone was almost sticking through his skin. It was like a twisted metal game.

Like, are you a gladiator? Did you wrestle in an ice cream truck so same thing with tom though like i thought he was at least like got hit by someone or you know came down the wrong way he just was by himself just tried to jump didn't work and like ruined his life ruined his fucking life it was i honestly i thought it was going to be so horrific because i knew with the extent of the injuries i thought it'd be so horrific that i didn't watch because i don't like seeing that kind of stuff yeah and then you finally maybe yesterday two days ago were like you gotta see this and it's actually good in the sense because

he he lands on it so you don't really see like something bend all the way. Yeah, it's not that horrific. It's more funny. Fucking hilarious. And he's like, and I mean, it's a bad injury. He's got like a long road ahead of him, but he's had like such a good fucking sense of humor. And I love I love watching them operate because this is such a barstool thing, too. And I feel like a lot of the world, like the comics of the world, the Schultz of the world, and those guys are now coming to the Internet side.

And we're kind of doing more comedy thing. It's all kind of blending into one thing. But I think they now are learning what we have lived for like a decade. We're just like everything's always content. So like there's a shot of Tom in the fucking ambulance with like the sirens going and he's getting fentanyl and he's like and tom and bert's like live show coming up and i'm like that's what we've been doing for a decade where like when your life goes off the rails it's like kind of like yes like i don't have to worry about podcast episode i don't have to worry about material i mean when horrendous life things have happened to me i've been like well we got a lot to talk about yeah so it is uh like

everything is always fucking content man so uh all right we've got a lot of shit to get into first of all let me tell you about acorns though acorns is how you're gonna get rich no brainer acorns is is how you can get rich and how at the very least you can find some extra money much like a little fucking squirrel finding some fucking acorns, just packing them away. Acorns is for anybody. You don't have to be rich. You don't have to be like a big fish with a lot of money.

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Which was, that was the best. I ever tell you a story about when I went, that was like, that beer money for me in college i would always like save a little little fucking bucket then i would run over to coin star and uh you know dump them in do you ever do like this like the actual coin star where you can get a prize if you guess within like a five dollar i've used the coin star a time or two i don't think so it was i was like always like a fun thing for me because i was like i'm gonna go get like 75 bucks I'm going to go get like blacked out tonight on it. It's great. And so I'm at Fordham at the time and I'm in the Bronx. And on the walk on Fordham Road to the bank, there was Braids, who was like this homeless guy who we all knew.

And like there's a lot of people panhandling and a lot of people like bugging you for money. And I'm walking with this fucking jar of money and this guy starts hollering at me and i'm just like you know a new york guy in the bronx like homeless people chirping at me i just head down keep going and he's like kind of keeps yelling at me and like kind of walking after me i'm like jesus christ this fucking bum is persistent man and eventually he like he kind of catches up to me and he just wanted change for a dollar. He's like, you have a bucket of coins and I need four quarters. Can I just get change? And I was like, oh, yes.

I'm sorry. Here you go, dude. I terribly profiled you. I think that's one of the things that everyone does in college, be it the change or you have a racket where you're like, I'm basically getting paid to drink.

Yes. And ours was we would always. Did you ever try to return the cans? Yeah. I mean, everybody. We would do it literally like the first party of every summer. We would have. We'd collect all our cans.

It's stupid. This year it's going to be different. This year it's going to be easier. We'd fucking drive all over. I ended up driving across state lines. I always ended up driving to massachusetts which from newport isn't very far but it's still a different state and it always end up driving to fall river and fucking that's not one of those states where you get 10 cents is it no that's the classic sign it was i think i think there just wasn't one near like one near near newport so we just like lug this fucking we

have a truck full of cans and we spend an entire day and we'd just like lug this fucking, we'd have a truck full of cans and we'd spend an entire day and we'd get like $36. And like, for the 48 hours leading up to it, we'd be like, this is the best. We're going to get rich. We could do this every weekend all summer, drink for free. What's the old wounded soldier beers, like the worst

smell and you've got to dump it out. Everybody has that, like you try it once maybe twice and then you're like, we're not doing this anymore. not doing this you go you know what i'm not going to be an entrepreneur i don't think i think i'm just going to get a nine to five come home wash my hands situation i don't want to work for anybody i'll work for someone's long enough to fucking dig through cans anymore it's straight i mean that is like just homeless people behavior straight up um all right so oh by the way as we're talking about acorns and investing and whatnot i mean bitcoin is just fucking has arrived and is and i just see light switch just going bananas over it and i think back to like the

the bitcoin marty and light switch loo era where they were telling everybody to buy it and like some people got in some people didn't but like i mean they're gonna get fucking rich if they bought as much as they say they did back then and it's going it's going right i would think that they are doing very very well right i mean that we should just be buying bitcoin right yeah like we should we should just do it like i bought some the other day i bought i had i bought like five grand of it back when lou said too and i just bought like a little bit more. And I feel like I want to, on a very poor person level, I want to do what that NFL player did and start converting my paycheck. I don't know this at all.

Some dude, I think on the Redskins, like got half his paycheck is now Bitcoin. Which actually, I think what all it means is that he sets up like automatic payments. He automatically buys. Yeah, the Redskins or means is that he sets up automatic payments. He automatically buys. Yeah, the Redskins or the football team are giving him. Right. But essentially. That's confusing, dude. I think there's an app that just is like, okay, we'll take you.

We'll give you money. You buy what you want with it. That is exactly what it is. But it's great marketing when you phrase it as like convert your. Like, I'm going to convert my paycheck into booze. Barstool sports pays me in vodka. It's like, no,

they pay you in dollars and you buy vodka with it. But I, I feel like we should get on that fucking Bitcoin train before it's too late. But it's probably too late. I don't think it lose that. Like, again,

this is light switch, but lose like, it's going to go to a million. So who cares? And it's like 40,000, like 40 right now. It's going to be a million. Yeah. So who cares that it's like 40 right now? It's going to be 100. Yeah.

Okay. That's pretty good. Do you see Doge coins finally at a penny? Dude, I got, I, I got in on the Doge coin. I got in on Doge coin with Quigs and then like it, it like, you know, bottomed out like that, that day. And he was just like, he's like, you're, you're at even right now. He's like, you either got to like pay me or we can just like call out that day. And he was just like, you're at even right now. He's like, you either got to pay me or we can just call it a day. He bought it for me.

And then it went up. But then it went down. And we were basically flat. So rather than me have to just simply Venmo him or whatever, I was like, all right, just call it a day. We're done. And now it's at a full penny or something like that, right? Yeah. What does that mean, being a full penny?

So it was at? It was at a fraction of a fraction. It doesn't matter if it's one penny. It was it was that like a fraction of a fraction of it's like it doesn't matter if it's one penny it matters that it started at a fraction of a penny so if you bought a shit ton of dogecoin it doesn't matter that it's only worth a single cent because you bought it at a fucking i don't understand finance at all well all right if you bought something i do yeah you bought it at a dollar and it went to a hundred dollars you would understand that this you bought at 0.00001 and it went to 0.01 and it's like a big fucking deal but it's just funny because it's this dogecoin is why i will always be afraid because i'm like it's a

literal joke this is a joke it's a dog coin that a bunch of dorks on the internet decided to turn into a joke but you can like make money off it okay what happens when like the bitcoin hackers are just like never mind all the bitcoins gone then what then what gold yeah i mean i guess so right we're gonna have to go back to fucking something tangible but it's just like yeah we mined it and now it's gone i don't know what yeah i don't know what any of it means. Lou always talks about it and mining and this and that, and I don't. I'm just not a smart person. I'm not an intelligent human being.

I don't know what to do. Yeah. We know that. We certainly know that. And it's because you come from the most dysfunctional family of all time. And I thought that that was maybe still up for debate or up for grabs i thought that everybody everybody's family is fucked as you get older what you learn is that every family has got stuff you know some people real bad some people are kind of funny but nobody's normal

nobody's normal right by the time you know especially the kids are grown everybody has enough experience to be getting married or have a job or have some failures and some ups and some downs. You just realize, oh boy, we got some stuff going on here. And so I thought maybe – and you know what the thing about your family too is quantity. There's just so fucking many of you. You know what I mean? You got size and numbers so um i thought maybe somebody can challenge the feidelbergs for like uh weirdness supremacy maybe somebody can challenge

polly feidelberg as like the queen of dysfunction like the shelby's or something she is she's on polly she's polly she's polly from the shelby's yeah uh and then this holiday season happened and it's it's a no doubter folks it's a runaway the vitalbergs are the wackiest family in the world and this we we talked on this was like probably right before christmas like maybe christmas eve uh or after christmas like no it was christmas eve christmas eve yeah when i called you yeah yeah because we didn't talk much over a break i was just letting everything build up until the podcast but the last time we really talked other than a couple text messages here and there john told me what his family was doing for christmas eve and i i could give you 100

million guesses had you not read the tweet sure some'm sure some people saw the tweet. If you didn't know ahead of time, I could give you 100 million guesses what the Feidelberg clan did for Christmas Eve and you would never guess it. Never, ever, ever guess it. You could guess the first half. It was told to me point blank and I was like if you asked me what are you doing Christmas Eve,

I would not have said that. That can't be true. I could see somebody guessing that the family went caroling. People, I mean, people from like the 1800s, like Charles Dickens, go fucking Christmas caroling. I didn't think that was actually a real thing. But okay. John says we're going Christmas caroling. I said, do you guys sing?

Is there anybody in your family who sings? No. Okay. Okay, great. So what, you're going, like, door to door? Like, you're gonna go around the neighborhood and sing to, like, the children? You're gonna go, like, a children's hospital? Are you doing this for charity? Are you doing this with other people? Nope. It's just

the Feidelberg family. And, John, tell them the location of your Christmas caroling. We were at the cemetery. Oh, sure! The local graveyard. The local graveyard. So I was going Christmas shopping

on Christmas Eve because that's when I go Christmas shopping. And so my mom tells me, or tells me as I'm leaving, make sure you're home by four, I believe it was. Make sure you're home by four. We're meeting at the cemetery. We're going Christmas caroling. And I was like, dusk. I honestly was like, when the sun goes down, meet me at the graveyard.

We'll sing songs. You grow up with Polly. She says weird things. You're like, yeah, whatever. She'll be fine. And so I just drive. I drove to Providence. And I was going around just trying to look for anything that was a serviceable gift.

I'm just thinking how to spin different things. Yeah, this could be the time we did so-and-so or whatever. It's all complete fucking nonsense. Here's this bag of tea because we fucking like tea. I don't know. That was literally one of the gifts I gave.

It was a tea facial. I know you like tea, so here's a facial thing. That's a horrible gift. It's a tea facial. It was like, I know you like tea, so here's like a facial thing. That's a horrible gift. It's a bad gift. It's a bad gift. I just kept grabbing little things. Where? What store?

Like Target? I was like in like Thayer Street and somewhere else in Providence. And then I went to like, I went to Lululemon. I went to Ramones. Fucking hashtag normalizing giving cash. Just fucking give me money. Even if it's like, I don't know, how much did that tea thing cost? 15 bucks?

Give me 15 bucks. It was all complete nonsense. But that's neither here nor there. As I'm leaving to head back home, my brother texts me. He goes, do you want to meet at a bar before we go celebrate Christmas in a fucking cemetery? And it clicked? What's that? Did it click and hit you at that point?

Yeah. Oh, wait a minute. We're actually doing this? Yeah. And I didn't have enough time. I was going to be late for the cemetery if I went to the bar, so I didn't go to the bar. But we get there, and we don't know any lyrics to Christmas songs. No.

That's why I asked. Are you guys singers or something? We have no printouts for the lyrics. For lyrics. We don't know the beats of the song. No. And then we're just like, my mom has Christmas music blasting out of her car.

We're in a cemetery. Can you zoom in? Can you zoom in on me with which camera? This one? John, I almost didn't believe him until he sent me this. There's a fucking bag of booze, empty bottles with a fucking gravestone while the fucking family sings.

Let me get the volume up. Hang on. All right. All right. Jingle bells, jingle bells. Jingle bells, jingle bells. All the way. I mean, this is crazy. Jingle bells, jingle bells. Jingle bells, jingle bells.

All the way. Jingle bells, jingle bells. All the way. If your family was talented or a couple of your sisters had a great voice. Or the people we're seeing now were alive. If you had a living, breathing audience maybe. It's one of the craziest things ever. The whole time I'm driving in and I'm like, my best friend who's passed away, his birthday is Christmas.

So it's not like a particularly hard day for me or anything like that. But it's just like a day I'd for me or anything like that, but it's just like a day I'd rather not spend at a cemetery. Right. Hey, let's think about dead people on Christmas. Let's go. I was like, I don't even know if she knows that it's fucking Chris's birthday. She's got me going to the cemetery to go sing fucking Christmas carols to my dead

granddad and grandpa. And then we had a lot of family in that cemetery. Didn't go sing at anyone else. My dad was like, let's go see my mom and i was like fuck that fuck that old was this your idea no then we'll stay around my parents thank you very much that to me feels like i feel like you poly and i and and like i guess i would probably be the same way like i i think i i'll just speak for my own family because i don't know what goes to polly's head but we don't do anything anymore we're very like my especially like once the divorce happened my brother's over here my like it's it's just like well we'll get together whenever you know what i mean so it's like oh you you're not gonna have the kids on like thursday for thanksgiving we'll just get together friday or well you can just do we'll get together whenever. You know what I mean? So it's like, oh, you're not going to have the kids on Thursday for Thanksgiving.

We'll just get together Friday. Or, well, you can just do – we'll do the day after Christmas. And all of a sudden, we're not doing anything. You know what I mean? So we're just like hanging out, which is fine by me. I like that. It's like, all right, we'll just get dinner tomorrow. We don't have to make it a certain day and a big thing.

But then maybe all of a sudden you start to think like, well, wait a minute. We don't celebrate holidays. You know what I mean? We don't do – my parents didn't even put up a tree this year because they were just like, I don't know, that's all a fucking thing. It was a weird year.

Right. Yeah, the archery was outside. If you... Like, you just decorated an already existing tree or you got a tree, brought it, and left it outside.

That's what... Windy on the elements outside kept falling over. Oh, yeah. It's all that. Trees, when not rooted into the ground, will fall over. Yeah. Like, every 20 minutes, they'll fall over.

So I could see. It sounds like Polly's just trying to, like, cook up some traditions here. Like, I don't know. We got to go do something. Let's go see Grandma and Grandpa. Because they're, like, a temporary house. So it's, like, a weird year already. Like, the house, they sold their house.

I could see that. But they're renting a house right now. So, like, everything was just fake. And I'm going to be honest about something, too. It was pretty fun. The dead caroling? The dead caroling was a good time. It's a story.

We just had a bunch of champagne, a bunch of scotch. So, I would get that, but I don't think that's what Polly was thinking going into it. Oh, I think it was. Yeah, you think she was like, this is so, like, fucking wacky andy, and we're going to just get boozed up and have a good time? Yeah. Okay. Then I tipped the cap to her because she's created a whole new tradition. And she was also like, one of the things I was concerned about was like, does she even know it's Chris's birthday?

And that was how she started it. She's like, John Henry's usually with his friends on Christmas Eve in the cemetery. And he wasn't going to go up to Boston, so we were doing this here. So then honestly, your mom is fucking great. A lunatic, but great. Because I could definitely see a scenario where it's like, with everything, whether it's holidays or just some sort of anniversary or like a recurring thing, whatever. I am so like path of least resistance that I could always be like, we don't have to do anything. And then all of a sudden you're like not doing anything in your life you know what i mean

it's like well you have to do something eventually so let's go fucking sing to the dead people sometimes you know the weirdest shit is going to be the best stories it was it was it was honestly really it was weird it was fucking bizarre it's real bizarre when fucking people walk by are walking and you start just jingle bellsle bells! You start whispering to a grave. Jingle bells, jingle bells. You gotta do it. And then as they get further away, Oh, what fun is that ride?

Wow. My mom had me walk like a mile away from the car because the music was so loud. She said, can you hear it over there? I was like, yeah, mom. We're in an empty field. And you have a car blaring music i'll be able to hear this for miles it doesn't matter how many alleys of gravestones i walk away is there's nothing preventing sound with under the fucking silence of night i will hear the fucking jingle

bells from wherever i will hear the jingle bells and the screams of the dead corpses. Wow. People were walking in like just like with like going to see their like dead wives and shit with flowers. Yeah, I'm sure. And I was like,

hey Steve, good to see you. Merry Christmas. Guy's like crying carrying flowers. We're doing Frosty next. Yeah, yeah. Frosty the snowman.

Got a couple extra ciders if you want one. Kids didn't make it home first Christmas alone, huh? Yeah, come on up. God damn, man. That is great. Mom had a good break. I was only home for like four days, but she had a good break too.

She had an all-time line with my sister in like one of the happiest moments of her life. And she just got engaged. And she takes off her ring that she's been wearing on her ring finger. And she just like very excitedly was like, okay, mom, I guess I have to tell you. I've had tattoos for ten years. And she shows like both fingers. And my mom just slowly looks up from the table and goes what do you think i'd give a shit

she's like okay like i like i don't know i thought it was a big reveal for a decade i've had tattoos i'm just gonna look so she goes been wondering why she's wearing that ugly ass ring for 10 years to be honest she's such a fucking gangster she is such a fucking gangster. She is such a fucking gangster, man. I swear to God. I'm more concerned with that Walmart ring. It's one of those long ones that covers both knuckles. Yeah, because you've got to cover all four tattoos. If you told me that your mom was a mob boss, I would absolutely believe it.

I would 100% believe it if she was running shit. What a fucking gangster, man. We got a funny video sent to us the other day of a KFC Radio listener blasting KFC Radio through the speakers while whipping up some HelloFresh. Oh, I don't think I saw that video. Yeah, I texted it to you and MB. Oh, right, right, right. And, I mean, what better endorsement for HelloFresh than Mr. HelloFresh himself, John Feidelberg, with our fans who are listening to us talk about it while they're rattling those pots and pans, whipping up some new meals.

And that's what HelloFresh makes possible. Because as the world turns and as we get like further and further into the like future i feel like people are just gonna forget how to do things i think that's probably pretty accurate oh yeah baby got what do you got this week oh man i was just looking to see what i'm cooking for dinner tonight yeah fucking pub style shepherd's pie lock it it in, baby. And I also have buffalo spice crispy chicken breast and pork flautas supreme. Monster. Look at you. Monster.

But think about something as basic as we don't know how to do math anymore because we always have a calculator on us, right? And we don't know how to we don't have to know directions anymore because we have GPS on our phone. All these things just like make you dumber and dumber.

It makes you – it's easier, but you get dumber. And I feel like cooking is probably going to be one of those things where it's like you can have all these deliveries. You have all these options. You can get food to just like appear on your front step. I think the delivery – I've said this before. This isn't a new take. But I got delivery on Friday night, probably. Delivery food's bad.

And I was excited to see that the gentleman was using one of those hot boxes. Yeah. Like, that's how far delivery has fallen, is that, like, you're like, oh, if someone does just the basic, simple thing that we've done for decades in delivering food, someone does that now, they don't just show up with a single bag that they've been walking and just throw it at you. 20 degree weather out and they're here. That hasn't been on their bike, just in the wind. It's like, here, this is actually hot food. Whoa, what a high living, high society. Or

you can have your own fucking home-cooked food, right from the pan. And guess what? I guarantee you, you can make your HelloFresh. It's going to be far, far better. I guarantee you it's far, far faster, too. 30 minutes or less. And your delivery is going to be at least like 45 minutes.

You're going to have fresh food, faster, better, higher quality, and save money. And you actually know how to cook a little bit. Because as you start to cook these HelloFresh meals, you start to learn how to do it. You can start to improvise. If you don't know how to cook, you're fine. improvise you can if you don't know how to cook you're fine because everything's pre-measured pre-portioned and the recipes are as simple as like mix this mix that put that in there put that in there 20 minutes you're done everyone i've everyone i've tried to either i've cooked a hello fresh for them or i've like like when i was home during the quarantine i was getting i just got my hello

fresh is sent home yeah and my parents get HelloFresh now. Yep. And then Casey's been over my apartment before when I'm, like, cooking HelloFresh. Casey gets his own HelloFresh now. Everyone who's given it an earnest try has not looked back. They also have Easy Eats, which are 10- to 20-minute meals. So that's, like, I mean, that's basically, like, already cooked for you. Oven-ready meals.

I mean, whatever your – you have no excuse because you can't oh i don't have the time it's like well we have the ones that are that are you know quick or like oh i want variety it's like well the menu is huge whatever your reason is here hello fresh will have uh meals for you and right now when you go to hellofresh.com slash 10 kfc and then use the code 10 kfc that means you get 10 free meals so that's a lot that's a lot 10 free meals like three weeks yeah three six nine yeah three weeks plus one so that's crazy so 10 free meals including free shipping which is also big because you get a big box of these ingredients so hellofresh.com slash 10kfc use code 10kfc get 10 free meals and free shipping for america's number one

meal kit hello fresh and if you're and if you're a single person that's get 10 free meals and free shipping for America's number one meal kit, HelloFresh. And if you're a single person, that's like 20 free meals. Right. Because all the meals are double portions. Right. Now, HelloFresh is helping you and teaching you skills that you need to learn to cook and eat food. And I can think of one person on the internet who would agree with that. And he goes by the name of Bean Dad. The man who ruined his own life for a fake story about his daughter and baked beans.

Let me tell the tale. Yes, yes. Let me tell the tale for you, John. Bean Dad, I swear to God god is one of my I'll probably just throw I haven't given a thought on who the other ones would be but I'll throw top 5 worst people ever on the internet

really top 5 is pretty high well you know yeah of course not like murderers and shit but as far as assholes on the internet this will be my 12th year at Barstool Yeah, of course, not like murderers and shit, but as far as assholes on the internet, this will be my 12th year at Barstool. It's like I'm desensitized.

It's like I can't even get my dick hard anymore unless I'm watching someone get their head fucking held underwater. You know what I mean? I see these stories. People text, are you going to blog this? I'm like, no. He doesn't even register on the radar anymore. Bean Dad got me going bean dad somebody tagged me in a ruth conda forever awards tweet which is my favorite thing that i've ever created it's gonna give the gift that keeps on giving and so every time i see that hashtag i click on it and it was john roderick who is now dubbed bean dad

and that's how you know he's an asshole. When the internet gives you a nickname, Eagle Boss, Pharma Bro. Poop Girl. Poop Girl. Like, it's like, because you know what it is? You go so viral, so fast, and everyone is talking about it, that we are just like, let's just give this a nickname so we're all on the same page.

You know what I mean? Like, Bean Dad's not exactly the funniest term in the world, but it's just like, let's call him that. Like, it was funny, too, because I saw Can't Open Her Dad, and I saw Bean Dad. It was exactly the funniest term in the world, but it's just like, let's call him that. Like, it was funny too. Cause I thought I saw it can't open her dad. And I saw being dad, it was like going one way or the other, you know,

being dad was the way to go. Yes. And, and it's just because it's like, we need to absolutely. Somebody said I needed to, I was disgusted. I was disgusted by this and dis,

and I had so much disappointment and I'm coining the term disgustment. I was like, I like that. He the term disgustment. I was like, I like that. He caused me disgustment where I was like, we all need to make fun of this guy. He's Bean Dad. Fucking roast him. He had like a 15 or like 20 tweet thread.

I think I'm going to go 30. It was so long because I started to read it and then I started to skim it and then I started to resume reading. I was like, it's still fucking going. His name's John Roderick. He oddly enough has a podcast with Ken Jennings, the Jeopardy legend. I'm like, who the fuck?

And he tells a tale. Either way he's the biggest asshole, it's either real and he's just a dickhead dad or he made this up and it's the least funny story of all time. The story goes that he was doing a jigsaw puzzle and his nine-year-old daughter comes to him and says dad i'm hungry for lunch i want these beans which no that didn't happen not a single nine-year-old girl since the Great Depression has ever said,

Dad, I'm hungry. I want some beans. Literally, maybe in 1929 that happened. There might have been a day. I'm going to stand up for beans because once you have beans, they are fucking delicious. Okay. But I'm also going to knock you back down a notch, beans,

because they're good, but you're never like, I'm going to have a can of beans for lunch. Oh, no, not a can. No, no, no, no. Never. Obviously. But if I'm walking on Easter and you're having ham and there's some beans, just try me out. If I'm ever walking a market and I just go, well, I'll take some. Yeah.

And sure. You can get a couple of like a bacon in there. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I put like brown sugar. Yeah, that's there. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I put like brown sugar on them. Yeah, that's it. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maple or something. Those baked beans are legit. And of course chili and all the other things and tacos. There's beans. This is not a problem with beans. It's a problem with nine-year-olds liking this. A nine-year-old girl too. Nine-year-old boys don't like beans.

No, yeah. They just think about how they make you fart, but that's it. That's about it. And homeless people cook cans of beans under bridges. That's what beans are for. Not nine-year-old girls. Beans are almost eaten exclusively by the guy in Dennis the Menace who kidnaps kids. That's it.

That's the biggest user of beans is child kidnappers. You have a barrel fire under a bridge with hot dogs and baked beans and you kidnap children you're human traffic those are the people who eat beans not nine-year-old girls but she wants the beans and her dad says go ahead go fucking make yourself some beans and she's like i can't open the can like i can't get into it i'm nine and he decides that this is what I've heard. I hear this term quite a bit these days. It's a teachable moment is what parents and teachers say.

Yeah, an apocalypse dad, prepper dad, doomsday dad, some of that. And he says to himself, oh, I can made-up story struggle for six hours where he says to her we are not eating anything other than these beans and we are not eating anything until you open this can of beans by yourself using an old school manual can opener and you have to figure out how to open it without me giving you any help if i started an activity hungry already and i did that activity for six hours i'd die i was gonna say you'd be dead i'd die you'd expend that i would i would at least faint but probably die you wouldn't like you'd be in the emergency room we need to like give you fluids you'd wake up in an ambulance

like what happened and i'd be like you tried to open up a can of bean for six hours that's what happened you expend all your energy you haven't eaten in six hours that's what it would be and um i wake up in the middle of the night and eat i couldn't tell you last time i went six hours without did i have i told you about my sheets by the way oh boy my how luxuriously i live now uh my sheets have pockets on them oh Oh, yes, yes. You have told me that. Which is incredibly dangerous, but I'll wake up. Just reach over? With just, like, I'll be like, oh, where's all these fucking York Pepper and Patty wrappers from? Like, I'll just, in a, you sleepwalk and fall and hurry yourself.

I sleepwalk and just eat fucking sugars. That's it. I just pump carbs into me. I've woken up with bare fucking raw Sour Patch Kids in the bed. How did they get there? It's disgusting, actually. My pocket. You know how they say like a.

My bed pocket. I mean, that's disgusting. You know what they call it? Like a kangaroo's pouch. Yeah, so I was just thinking. I was like. It's got like. Disgusting in there.

It's got like weed pen oil that's leaked with candy and wrappers. The fact that you got a bed pocket is disgusting. I guess I put my cell phone in there. It is. I feel like you could just take a straw and put it in. There's a liquid. Like, I don't know. There's some water and some Kool-Aid.

Whatever. Just drink it out of my bed pocket. I'm going to take a picture when I go home tonight. It's ridiculous. It's obscene. God bless your poor girlfriend. But this thread goes on and on to the point that it's obviously fake. And maybe he even intended some of it to be fake where he was like, I regaled her with stories of all the cans that I've opened.

The best cans I've opened i've opened and and he like forces allegedly fade makeup made a made-up story to she you know she had to learn how to like clamp the thing and hold the handles and twist the knob i think what's lost in all this by the way is that using a can opener is fucking impossible yeah yes that's the point you can't open it i'm 32 and i don't really know how to use a can opener? I'm 32, and I don't really know how to use a can opener. And you don't really need to anymore. Everything has the fucking pop top. And here's the real thing. Do you know how you learn how to open up a can? I don't think I've opened more than five cans in my life.

Probably not. Probably not. But how do you learn? You know what you do? You go to your fucking parents and say, how do I do this? And they show you. You're not being like some pussy by being like, all right, let me teach my kids. You bring these humans into the world, and then you have to teach them how to live.

You don't just throw. It's like what fucking Chinese people do. They just leave them on the side of a fucking mountain. They're like, figure out. No, they're not animals. You have to teach them. They're not going to intuitively know how to, like, the physics

of it all. You teach them, then they know. And by the way, your daughter just wasted six hours of her life starving. You could have done this in ten seconds and she could have gotten a bit more productive. Fuck you. This guy got opened up by the U.S. Patent Office's website, found the official blueprint for the original can opener.

He's like, now I understand how the gears work. That's what he says. I know. Yeah, he says, at one point he's like, the inventor of the can. Like, what part did the inventor intend for this to be on the can? I'm like, I don't fucking know, man. Dude, I will. And then your reward after all this?

Is beans. Is a bowl of beans. Beans. Beans. Come on. after all this is a bowl of beans beans like come on i mean i would i would absolutely i would you know when like uh it's like if you you know dads are always like i'm gonna chain my daughter to the radiator and then like that those are the girls who go off and they're fucking whores in college because they never like you know they rebel and rebel and they never, this girl, this, this nine year old girl is gonna be a whore. This, this, this, this little fucking girl is going to be a horrible, this little girl is going to be, uh, she's going to be like a bad Barbie or whatever.

That fucking bitch. She can be on Dr. Phil being like, I fucking hate my parents and I'm going to fuck every guy I see because my dad wouldn't teach me how to use a can opener. I suck dick for beads now, dad. Yes. You like what you hear me? Your dad's going to be like, so, honey, what's the lesson? How do you open up a can of beans? Well, you suck dick on the corner and they open it for you,

dad, because you wouldn't teach me. Suck dick under a bridge for all the good beans. Who have the beans? If I want my beans fixed, I go under the local bridge and I suck some hobo dick. God, I fucking hate Bean Dad. I hate him.

I legitimately hate him. He's a, oh, and then in, you know, what is my favorite part about, you know, I hate the internet, but I love the internet. It's like, you know, I hate it here. I love it sort of thing. One of the swiftest and most decisive cases of internet justice I've ever seen. The ultimate social media ball don't lie. Within like an hour, they dug up all his old racist tweets, and he had to delete his account.

Oh, really? Oh, he's done done. He's done done. I actually, to be honest, this guy is so wordy and verbose and like... What kind of racist stuff was he saying? Well, he definitely is just straight up tweeting the N-word, but in context and inose and like what what kind of stuff was he saying well he definitely is just straight up like tweeting the n-word but like but like in context and in quotes and shit but still just like saying it right and then there was one tweet i don't even i don't know how to find him

but he was talking about like jew lawyers and like the white man and like the white devil or some shit like that that i don't think i think they were almost like commentating on racism and stuff i don't think he was being racist but like it was just like words you don't use and things you don't think i think they were almost like commentating on racism and stuff i don't think he was being racist but like it was just like words you don't use and things you don't joke about and like jokes that were missing the mark and so real quick like deleted the account what made people who who read this thread like they were just so few john pure hatred i hope this guy said the n-word at some point. Yes. Yes. Because I thought it was a weird thread, but I definitely – Well, no.

I'll tell you what happened. I wasn't like, I have to get this man. Because – and this is where I – if I could offer any sort of like olive branch to Bean Dad. No, I won't because I hate him and his whore daughter. But he – people were like, this is an abusive father. Like he is abusing his daughter by starving her. Well, that's not true. And a lot of people were like, relax.

Like, first of all, as much as it's difficult for people like us to go six hours with meals, that's the space between lunch and dinner. You know what I mean? And it was not, yeah yeah these are the racist things yeah so like you know that that one the perverted by the jew judges for the mud people i was like i don't know what all that means but that sounds yeah that that sounded tough right so i was like whoa buddy um jews ruin everybody's fun listen i can't throw stones in that glass house but but uh but what's the one up top the mud people was a that's a line

no the one before that oh that one's not funny every time i use a word like gay or retarded some gay retard reminds me those words are hurtful being that was that was that listen that was may 3rd 2011 that's a funny joke that's a funny joke every time i use the word like gay or retarded some gay retard reminds me those words are hurtful being dad he got jokes he's got some jokes like like i'd never say it but when i looked at that i was like all right that reminds me of my favorite moment in television history uh you know it well on friday night on friday night lights oh my god i'm not i don't mean gay like homosexual i mean gay like retarded bro on fucking nbc friday night programming that was hector i believe the guy in the wheelchair amazing i remember i was watching

that back and i remember i was i think i got like we probably talked about that line like three or four times on this show. A line from 2006. It deserves more like credit, notoriety, whatever you want to call it. It was a jar. When I was rewatching Friday Night Lights, probably within the last two years, it was a jar. I was like, wait, he just said what? That is like that joke. Like he was trying to cram all the words into that joke.

That's why it's funny. They just did that. Not trying to be funny. That was just like, yeah, that's a part of the dialogue. This is just how people talk so that's why people were like you know let's like drag him and cancel him and that's where they're you know those people are the assholes too but listen if a bean dad's got to get canceled so be it ken jennings is his podcast partner he's spoken up he has and he has defended being dad and just been like i you know

like i've said some dumb things too but he's like a good guy oh wait i thought ken jennings said that a long time ago so what so i feel like i remember reading that thread from ken jennings like two weeks ago when did bean that be that happened like this weekend right yeah yeah i feel like i remember maybe i'm just it's all a haze because all i did was just watch criminal minds for single dead people yeah and uh but i thought that was an older thread that uh no january 3rd okay i feel like i feel like if you look at his profile ken jennings said if this reassures anyone i personally know john to be a a loving and attentive dad and b who tells uh heightened for effect stories about his own irascibility on like 10 podcasts a week this

site is so dumb like yeah i mean listen like you said when that that part of the story that was like i told her of tales of yore when we opened up can't like yeah he was it's i mean none of it's i don't think anything's real i think it's a ruth gonda thing like everyone these days is telling stupid made-up stories i don't think he was i think he wanted it to be real i don't think he was was one of those like joking ones like i think he wanted it to like people to believe it with some uh exaggeration yeah i think there are some people who just flat out make things up there are some people who like embellish i think he thought like i think this was like somewhat of a real story to him he's an asshole yeah i think i think that was his daughter who said daddy i'd like some lunch and then he said have you ever

opened up a can yeah Yeah. I got this. And if there's a bean mom, I hope that she was like, John, just open the fucking can of beans. Okay. Come on. So everybody's an asshole. Anybody who like called that guy like actually an abusive dad, they're an asshole. But being dad, I hate him. I mean, that might be that.

That so far is the pinnacle of made-up stories about the kids. That's the leader in the clubhouse right now. Yes. It's not a made-up story. It's a book. He wrote a book about it. I mean, it's a novel about a fictional can of beans and the woman and the little girl who opened it. I mean, what a tale.

Fucking John. No wonder you're a failed podcaster. Ken Jennings should fucking tread lightly, though. So I said, like, Ken. You don't want to lose the Jeopardy money because you were fucking. Exactly what I said. Like, dude, if I was. Exactly what I said.

If I was going to be like, I don't even know what other profession I'm remotely useful in. But if this very, very big company was going to hire me to do something and then you did something stupid, I'd never met that man once in my life. Never. The first thing I said was like, yo, I'm about to get that Trebek money, you and your baked beans and your whore daughter. Like, I don't know. You see you fucking later. He came. I mean, Ken Jennings, good friend.

Bad friend choice. Like, bad choices of friends bad taste in friends but i would deny then i'd be like he would show me videos of us talking on a podcast don't know that guy i'd be like that's fucking deep fake photoshop that guy once face swap don't even fucking know that guy good idea okay i don't even know i don't even know what that guy's name is and if i was bean dad i would call up ken and i'd be like throw me under the bus right now like we're gonna get that trebek'd be like, throw me under the bus right now. Like, we're going to get that Trebek money, man.

You send out a tweet right now saying, fuck Bean Dad. Like, do it. Do it. Because I deserve it. You deserve it. Stay away from me. I'm toxic, man. Fuck Bean Dad.

I'd be like, how about just throw me a year's salary? Because it's probably more than we were doing on our podcast. I can't even. If I'm going to get Trebek's job for 50 years, right? How old is Ken Jennings? Like 40? Yeah, he's probably got years to go. Yeah. I can't even. If I'm going to get Trebek's job for 50 years, right? How old is Ken Jennings? Like 40? Yeah, he's probably got years to go. Yeah.

Probably got 44 years. So now the leader in the clubhouse, if this is viewed as a little hiccup from the Merv Griffin people, LeVar Burton has revealed. Oh, a little reading rainbow? And that also might just be, I think like black Twitter

just is like campaigning for a black person. So we might have a race war on our hands for a Jeopardy host here. But I feel like that would be that's a good one. LeVar Burton. I don't know enough reading Rainbow and he

was in Star Trek too. Yeah. And that's like a nerd you know nerd culture is going to embrace all that shit. Yeah. Yeah.

So I mean that like I feel like he's I feel like he's done a sunny too hasn't he. That that that was sunny definitely talks about reading. Could you imagine if

he's in arrested. Could you imagine if he's in arrested could you imagine if jeopardy was like yeah i mean we had the paperwork ready but like bean dad sorry imagine if you lost that job because of your fucking dickhead friend and his dumb made-up story imagine if you ruined your own life because now like it or not deserving or not people like that guy's a racist john roderick you know and if you ruined Ken Jennings' life too because of your made-up story about your daughter and her beans. I mean, talk about the cause and effect. Yeah, so fucked up. So fucked up.

But that's why I kind of – I was thinking about this the other day because, you know, when we always throw out the disclaimer like, you know, I know we're not working in coal mines. I think we're the internet coal miners i think we are like in the fucking in the mud in the dumps in the fucking like skid row of the internet and we have been for the last decade and i think we deserve credit for that yeah and i that's true you know like if like like people people on the block are just getting stabbed all the time yes and that and that and it's almost worse because a coal miner is like yes it is it's a horrific life it's physical burden right but it's like you know you get calloused hands and fucking big muscles and you can do it we the internet coal mine it

ruins you up here and here and there's no there's no callous and there's no like building muscle for that but what the nice part about that is though is because I was actually thinking about this recently, and it's very nice that you kind of brought that up, where it's like, it's here where it fucks you up. Because I was thinking recently that chicks dig scars. You can't see these ones. But they want them on your brain. Yeah.

They don't want them. And they do. Girls love a project and a fixed one. They're like, oh, this one. He's got a lot of mental scarring. Back in the day, it's like, oh, you got that fucking scar fucking scar from war now it's like tell me about how your mom ruined you and i will fuck you and i'm gonna fall in love with you find that sexy you are mentally deranged we are for sure we're the internet coal miners and and uh we have been doing like the the manual

labor of the internet for years by like i mean you know because because again like i was saying earlier the comics are coming over to like the internet world and and they and they live like above the fray they're like i have an instagram account now and i go viral and like i'm on the internet you're not on the internet yeah you're not on the fucking internet we're on the internet we're on we're like the gatekeepers of the internet we're like holding back all the fucking scales so that you can enjoy the internet you know so so we you know oh door i'm a hold on the door so these fucking comics didn't make their instagram clips fucking whitney cummings can put her fucking podcast out there while we're holding the door. Come on! So, yeah, I think that we... We just let them do that to us.

We just let them tell us that his fucking name was Hodor because he couldn't stop saying hold the door like a fucking asshole. That was when... That was a defining moment for game of thrones where the dumb people of the internet thought that was good people thought that was amazing right and we were like oh that kind of was stupid and and then if you think about

where it ended up that was the first moment where like it was like oh wait this show is gonna not that we're not gonna land that was the armor yeah led to the fucking disembowelment of – She forgot about the Navy. That was Hodor. People were, like, crying. I was laughing my ass off that that's how that fucking asshole got his name. Hodor. Hodor.

Hodor. Hodor. You all fucking agreed to that? You all just let that be told to your faces and you were fine with it? You don't deserve good television. You deserve exactly what you got. Get the fuck out of here. Get out of here.

That gay retard, Hodor. He fucking, oh, I was so sad when Hodor died. I don't remember when Hodor died because I was laughing too hard. We got through fucking tears. That was that moment, and that felt the exact same way as the beginning of season... Final season, season eight or whatever it was. Yeah. Where I remember being like...

I was watching, and I was like, I hated that. That was terrible. And I was like, I think I'm afraid to say it, but that was really bad. And I saw the rest of the people reacting same thing with like the first two episodes of the final season i was like oh so this sucks and everyone was like what are you talking about and then like by season by episode like five they were all on board with it i was like yeah no this sucks yeah people and i was just like i was just not afraid to say it yeah and then they all came around we didn't see internet coal miner yeah we didn't we didn't get we didn't get the fucking

apology that we deserved. There was not one person who was like, oh, yeah, you were right. That whole season was a bag of dicks. You were too afraid to admit, and I don't know why. It's like you can love a show or a band or a movie or whatever and be like, but that part wasn't good. If you can't do that, then your opinion means nothing. If you can't ever, like, separate, if you just like something so much that you're always going to tell me it was good, then your opinion means nothing. If you can't ever separate, if you just like something so much that you're always going to tell me it was good, then your opinion means nothing. If you can't say, like, yo, the first five, six, whatever

seasons were great, but this final season is not good so far. People were mad at me, even Battle of Winterfell was what, episode seven? People were mad at me about that. I was like, that fucking sucks. That was the dark one, and it was just one whole big battle, and nobody died. Yeah, that was like an action. It was like four. Episode four whole big battle and nobody died. Yeah, that was like an action.

It was like four. Episode four. Yeah, whatever it was. Oh, that was four? Yeah. Oh, okay. So my only review of that was... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

People were like, you're such a fucking loser. That was great. No one has gone back and watched the battle of the gods. Not once. Not for a fucking second. And if you want to like... Well, no, I was going to say if you want to tell me like the cinematography of the battle was cool, but you couldn't even see that.

So no. Yeah. Or you should have made me go watch it at a Lowe's theater because I'm fucking – apparently they're all like, oh, you didn't change your TV – I don't change my TV settings. I just fucking watch TV. You're still like an Irish bro. I don't change my TV settings. That, that was the biggest bullshit that has ever happened on the internet. The creators or the directors,

whoever that was, who said, you need to change the settings on your television before, like after the episode aired, you should have changed. Again, how did we ever allow that? That person, that person should have been killed.

That person should have been put to death we should have found them and been like we sentenced you to death for telling us that it was our fault we didn't change the settings on our tvs which nobody has ever changed you open up your teeth all the little bars right in the middle brightness contrast blah blah colorful it just sticks in the middle forever it wasn't even the the one episode of television in the history of TV that we needed to change our fucking settings I don't

fuck you I don't think it was even about motion smoothing like that's one I've heard of now from the Tom Cruise video from Glenn Howerson was talking about it recently

how he always just changed motion I believe it was motion smoothing no no this was just bitch and darkness and shit it was just that we can't see

it was too dark at least I've heard of that one. I don't think that's what they were saying. I don't think they were like, were you emotions moving on? Absolute asshole. There were 10 minutes stretches of that show where the dragons were battling the fucking bad guy

and you just couldn't see. Do you remember? People on the internet made their own version where they brightened it and it did look cool. I was like, oh, I didn't even know any of that was going on. That fucking show, man. It is nice how it just randomly inspires anger yeah that's true it didn't leave me indifferent didn't leave me indifferent uh okay what are we talking about i don't know fuck let's talk about the difference between men and women that's something we do on this podcast quite often, I feel like.

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Well, it's just like anything else in the world. I've been in the room with a label maker a handful of times in my life. By the time I walked out, that thing looked like a fucking freshman college dorm. It was just like. Organize the shit out of your life. I was labeling everything. Everything. I mean, you can label uh you can have you can

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uh whether you are a guy girl uh at work at home like i said in the garage or in the nursery uh the the label label maker will keep you organized and keep you uh stress-free so go to p touch home by brother.com well the reason i said the differences between men and women is um john experienced something over the break that i think most people have probably heard of in some variation or another and i don't know what the fuck it's about i don't know i don't get it there's just been so i learned a lot over the break about just a lot of different things and it so at one point we were on this must have been new year's eve maybe well maybe it was It was probably after that.

So let's say it was two, three days ago. And we were hanging out in my apartment and some girls who I'm friendly with and some girls who I live with were all gone for a long time. And they came back in the living room and I was like, where have you guys been? And they're like, we were in the bathroom comparing nipples. And I said, what does that even mean? And they said, it is a regular thing. They were like, yeah, girls do it in the bathroom all the time. It's just we compare.

And we've heard a variation of that. Nikki Glaser was on this podcast. Nikki Glaser took it as far to compare assholes. Yeah, they were comparing assholes. And I, which brave, brave, unless like if you're a hot chick and you know you got a great asshole, then fine.

If you are an average person and you think you might have an average asshole, you are brave. Spread them because it could, could you imagine we, I've always, we've referenced this before, like as bloggers, like when you think you're making a relatable joke and the whole world's like oh nobody else does that right like oh my god i want to crawl in a hole and die because i'm the only person who does xyz if you were like hey your guy's

asshole looks like this and the whole gang was like oh i would you'd have to kill yourself you'd have to kill yourself can't walk around with the other one i'm gonna have anything bad i hope it's an asshole but it uh guy girls is very different you have a bad asshole as a girl you're that's bad yes yeah yeah mine mine you don't see that thing a lot i certainly hope not uh but i get dressed like a little fucking girl when i'm done um but so this this was not the assholes, but Nikki Glaser did. This was the nipples. Which, I mean, I can understand how this does happen.

If you're changing in front of each other or you're in a bar back in the old days, like girls are in a bodysuit or whatever where you have to get fully naked so your tits are all of a sudden out. And then girls are just nice to each other and they're curious and whatever. Oh, you got cute nipples, whatever. They're all curious. They're curious little cats. Curiosity killed the cat.

You got to watch out. I mean, I just can't think of an equivalent. I just don't think guys would ever be like, hey, let's go look at our dicks. No, not as adults. If we're talking about high school, in the showers, yeah, we'd fucking point out each other's flaws and each other's dicks all the time. Yeah. Hockey guys are weird. Did you do it in the sense of like we're insecure, let's compare to feel better?

Or was it just like, ah, you got a weird fucking bump on your dick. No, it wasn't like comparing me. Like, oh, how's that one hanging? It was just like making fun. That ain't like making fun. Or a company would be like, oh, he's got a fucking pizza. Hammer on him. Yeah, yeah.

It was just really just stating obvious. Yeah. If you're in a room with a dick, you're going to be like, well, I got a company with a dick. Right, right. It's weird if I don't talk about this cock. But it's a thing. It's a thing we should probably bring up that like 18 of us in here with our dicks out. Don't make it weird, dude.

Just talk about it, okay? But I know that the girls do it. of us in here with our dicks out. Don't make it weird, dude. Just talk about it, okay? But I know that the girls do it. I guess it just is shocking to me how frequently it seems to be happening where they're just like, yeah, we're comparing nipples. What the fuck's

the big deal? It was like an hour. And it's not a big deal. I don't care, but it's just like, oh. How often is this going on? And you're doing it with strangers? You're doing it with friends? They said strangers. They're like, yeah, girls in the bathroom. But I think that is some romper shit.

Yeah, where you're naked. The amount of times that girls are just fully naked in a bar is hilarious. I think you're dressed in something where you're like, in order to pee, I'm going to take all of this off. All of it. Can you imagine being in public and you're like, you're out. So you're just like your pussies out. You're completely naked and you're like, you're high heels. You have like high heels and like a choker on and you're fucking hanging your clothes up while you sit on a public toilet.

And they're just like, yeah, it was worth it. I mean, I guess so. I don't know. Those fucking body suits can be pretty fucking hot. They can be. Yeah, they can. But girls who, if you do this amongst friends, fine. But the idea that you're out and you're at a bar and like,

oh, I compare my nipples to like so many. I mean, they're all fucking lying and shady and being nasty to each other. Right? So they're like. Apparently, apparently not. Apparently women in bathrooms are all the best friends ever. That's what I mean though. And we know that's not how it works.

We know that girls are not the best friends ever. So you know I mean, though. And we know that's not how it works. We know that girls are not the best friends ever. So you know that those girls walk out and they go, oh my god, that girl had the worst nipples. Oh my god, those pancake nipples were disgusting. Did you see how big her areola was? Those nipples were so long. There's no way that all of a sudden girls get together

and they're just, kumbaya, everyone's got great nipples. They're the most judgmental creatures on the planet. Yeah, but guess what? I'd handle it the same way. Sure, I'm not blaming them, but I'm just saying, any girl who's ever been... Oh, no, you got a pretty good dick, bro. Bro.

That thing's fucking mangled. But so I guess, and maybe, you know, I don't want to burst the bubble here, they can all just keep living their happy, like, ignorance is bliss type lives, but if you have ever been a girl walking out of a bar being like, oh, my God, I just feel like so much better. Like, all the girls said I have nice nipples.

They're lying. They're probably lying. Well, you could have good nipples. That's a thing. Sure, but also probably you don't and girls are lying to you because they're two-faced bitches. You know what I mean? I think if you have nice nipple, I think if you have bad nipples.

I think you know if you have nice nipples and you know if you have bad nipples. So if you walk out of there being like, oh. You're probably not playing the nipple game if you know you have bad nipples. I think you know if you have nice nipples and you know if you have bad nipples. So if you walk out of there being like, why not play the nipple game if you know you have bad nipples? Right. You better not be. You're going to be crazy to pop out your nipples if you know you got dinner plates. That's fucking nuts. You have a mirror. Everyone has a mirror. And you've seen porn. You know how big they're supposed to be, what color they're supposed to be,

and if it varies that much, you got weird nipples. I don't know what to tell you. And you need the fucking strangers at the bar to confirm that? I don't know what was the more shocking revelation over break was either my learning that girls have nipple-offs or my dad learning about water. My dad had a big thing about – he's now talked to me about it probably three or four times where he's like, have you heard about this stuff? Water. Water. He's like, tell you what about this stuff? Water. Water.

He's like, tell you what, I used to get cramps all the time. I've been drinking water lately. Don't get them anymore. It is. That. That. It doesn't surprise me in the sense of like, you know, dads and guys. But it does surprise me in the sense like your dad works out. He's in good shape.

He's like a fucking well-oiled machine. He doesn't bring water bottles to the gym. Occasionally he would go to, I think he has to now because he doesn't work out in a gym anymore, but he would like, I remember when we went to the gym together it would be so annoying because he'd be like, let me grab a sip of yours. Or he'd be like,

alright, I'll be back. I'd have to wait for him in between sets because he'd be going to walk to the water fountain to get a quick wipe and then come back. It reminded me of the Gary Goldman bit in The Great Depression. I grew up in a time where we didn't drink water. I'm not trying

to be cool about it. I'm not trying to say we didn't need it. We desperately needed it. We just didn't get it. I think my dad's name is Gary Goldman. They're about the same age. Gary's probably a little bit younger. I don't think water was ever a thing in his life. I do the same thing. He was probably a little bit younger. And he's just like, I don't think water was ever a thing in his life. And I do the same thing. That generation's not doing

drink half your body weight in water for the day or whatever the fuck. You drink coffee until it's time for beer. Right, yeah. Suppress your feelings. That's back when the food pyramid was like, eat like 70 servings of pasta a day. The food pyramid was like 100% wrong. It was like eat like 70 servings of pasta a day the food pyramid was like 100 wrong yeah it

was like eat the least of the things you need the most of and the most of the things you need the least it's like you guys heard about grains and carbs you're gonna need those eat fucking fatty meat and drink coffee and booze but the it was like he's he's he's called me a few different times about like his leg being sore he's he's called me a few different times about like his leg being sore he's like I'll tell you what it feels great since I started drinking water

and then he called me after I mean a lot of people do do that where they're just like like my skin got better and my you know

and it's real I'll go to bed sober one night I'm wicked I feel refreshed as hell they're like yeah if you don't have alcohol you're trying to go to sleep you hit REM cycle easily and stuff like that.

You're giving your body the fuel that it needs. Right. Have you tried this oxygen stuff? Circulates through my veins. It's fucking great. Oh, you're like, oh, I've been working out for a few weeks, feeling a little big. Like, yeah, you look great. You've been exercising.

We know what it is. But when you finally when you make that switch in your head, it's a completely different thing. Like you think I'm the only person who realizes this. Right. No one else. Right. I have to tell the secret. My dad called me on Christmas on New Year's Eve,

New Year's Day being like, yeah, I hadn't, hadn't been drinking water for a few days. Couldn't, you know, been drinking a few too many beers. Had a lot of water yesterday,

feeling a lot better. I know, dude, I know how it works, but I am guilty of the same thing. If I discover something that everyone knows about, I will act like it's like, I'm Christopher am guilty of the same thing if i discover something that everyone knows about i will act like it's like i'm christopher columbus it's like no we already we already figured that out i started drinking coffee now you didn't that's why i got here if i was like

yeah i am wide awake yeah this coffee will make you stay wide awake yeah yeah dickhead but i do i do feel like that generation and then particularly like the men, like our dads from that generation, they're probably missing out on a ton of shit. Oh. Like even from like – Emotions. Yeah, mental health and emotions down to little things like that where it's like – You're covering the whole spectrum. Right.

Tears to water. Right. You know what I could see being a big one? Like body wash or something. Like something that used to be like, you know, I just use like fucking like hand soap all over my body you know and then it's like oh this this is like nice you know what i mean so yeah there are there are products that you you know you don't need to choose the worst version of everything because i feel like that that time fucking bean dad you know what i mean people like that were probably like not not trying anything

at all ever it was just like do your job make your money fucking go to sleep do it again like that's it like they're missing like comedies right oh have you seen this book in this stand-up comic it's funny he's telling jokes we're laughing we're experiencing i don't even we don't even go into stand-up comedy i mean just like like wedding crashes you got chicks in it fuck that I'm putting these spendables back on. Dude, my dad is basically retired at this point. And my mom and dad live in a very tiny apartment. And they hate each other. And so my dad's just watching TV nonstop.

And he's been watching a lot of Westerns. And my mom's like, that's okay, though. It's better than the Nazis. She said it with just this disdain that my dad, and I know the TV's on like, the volume's on like 100 because he can't hear, and he's just watching like World War II Nazi fucking like slaughtering movies all day long.

I can see that too, because at least the Western slang got like a little nice to it. You just hear Nazis yelling all day. Guns and murder and screaming. That's going to give you nightmares. Yeah. Yeah, he's probably – you know what? He's doing the sleep apnea machines.

And speaking of REM cycle and shit, he hadn't dreamt in, I don't know, like 50 years. Because, again, that generation is like, I don't dream. I just like – I lay with my eyes closed until it's time to go to work again. But he's now getting deep sleep know i guess he wasn't breathing so his body was always waking up so he's having like full-blown like vibrant technicolor dreams again for like the first time in probably like decades because he's actually asleep which is really one of the more like depressing things that i've thought of i'm like how fucking tired are you dad you haven't slept in like literally haven't fully fallen asleep in like 30 years.

I think I probably. You're right there? I'm right there. Maybe you got to sleep. You definitely have sleep apnea. Yeah, you've heard me sleep, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, you're going to die soon. I know. Well, we'll get into our voicemails in a minute no guests on the show today we are going to go this is going to be me and fights flying solo for the next month we're going to go no guests January

some people give up booze we're giving up podcast guests because I don't know why not we're just giving it a shot we're experimenting with the show a little bit and I know some people like the guests some people like when it's I know some people like the guests. Some people like when it's just us. Some people like the long shows. Some people like the short shows. So we're going to give it a shot. Old school style where it's it is. What was the couple weeks ago we were talking about being boiled alive in a hot tub?

Was that the the the the metaphor we were using? Yeah. Well, it wasn't us. It was someone else who used it. Talking about like falling in love, the Martin Shkreli falling in love. Right, right, right. It was like being boiled alive in a hot tub. In a good way, it's the opposite of this. There's probably a couple points throughout KFC Radio

where I was like, I can't believe we landed that guest. But for the most part, it was kind of like a gradual thing where it's just like, yeah, we are going to get like A-list actors on the show now. And it just like all of a sudden, but if you think about where we came from to now, it's kind of like a gradual thing where it's just like, yeah, we are going to get like a list actors on the show now. And it just like all of a sudden, but if you think about where we came from to now, it's kind of crazy. The amount of like the people that talk to us,

I don't even know why they do. It's kind of weird. It's like, I can't believe that you're willing to be on this. But also like it started with Jay Cutler. Right. Well, that was a favor.

It like, it like popped and then it went like back down for a long time. And, and, uh, so we have had a lot of good guests over the years. And if any major names pop up, we're going to do it. But we're going to go just me in fights for the next month.

So anybody who likes us, you're getting your fix. So voicemails in a minute. But first we got to talk a little in-house business. And that's the form of the Barstool Fund, which is now at $17 million. 140,000 supporters. business and that's the form of the barstool fund which is now at 17 million dollars 140 000 supporters uh 74 businesses have been saved and funded with the names that dave uh is is interacting with now from kid rock to sylvester stallone to guy fieri making his own fucking press conference tom brady tweeting it um i feel like it's at a i think it's it's almost reached a point where like the the normal people have done i'm more impressed with the normal

people who are like donate you put up five grand there's some random guys who put up like 100 grand some bitcoin dude put up 250 um the normal people i think are like the impressive ones but i also think that now we might reach a point where it almost turns over to like institutional donations like I could see like businesses getting involved and like companies getting involved like AT&T shit like that where like it might

it's so weird because unfortunately things are politicized and there are still people this is a tough one for the Barstool haters it is a tough one but like I also I don't think that this like absolves us of anything we've ever fucked up either like it's just like no we're doing a good thing but the amount of people who are trying to portray it as a scam or say oh that's fucking insane yeah it's like you you it's like it's like the people who couldn't admit that that the game of thrones episode sucked it's like this is too black and white of a good thing that i know you hate dave and i know you

hate barstool and i know you know all like the bad things but you cannot apply that to this you can't no it's just it's you you you look foolish if you are trying to downplay people always do that with us whenever we do charitable things like remember how big a deal that was when like we were just trying to figure out the right way to like spend the marathon money if you like where is it like it's been it's been weeks we're talking to lawyers and stuff dude it takes time yeah anytime we've done donations i mean that's always been an issue so i guess it's nothing new but on this scale when it's 17 million dollars and you're seeing the proof with all of the business owners being like overwhelmed and happy and there are still people trying to

like tear it down it's like you really are so you're that biased that you can't and you just watch one of the videos and and if you do and you and you still like and you like you said it doesn't absolve everything else you still hate dave and you still like, and like you said, it doesn't absolve everything else. You still hate Dave and you hate Barstool. Like, fine. But you don't have to tweet or post or whatever negatively either. You can just be like, all right, fuck. Barstool wins this round.

Yeah, exactly. I do think that's what Deadspin did. Did you hear us talk about that on the run? I did, yes. Deadspin put up their top 100, I think it's called like Idiots of the Year. And number four for the year and number four on for the year 2020 was kurt schilling and like he said a couple dumb things but like par for the course for kurt schilling i just say i don't even know kurt schilling was doing right and but and by no

means a top five if i told you if i said you who are the biggest like assholes of the year like kurt schilling is not cracking the top like 50 top 100 he would have never come across my mind what do you remember at all what he said uh and you remember who was ahead of him i didn't look at any of the rest of the list um but there was a uh a barstool fan tweeted and his theory was that number four was supposed to be dave and then the barstool fund took off and desmond was like there's no way we can call him the biggest, the fourth biggest asshole of the year when he raised at that point, probably like 10 or $15 million for small businesses.

So they were like, ah, let's just throw Curt Schilling in there. You can always count on like, cause he is just known as, you know, a right wing conservative who's scammed this and said that and, you know, posting like ISIS memes and shit like that. So you can always just count on Curt Schilling for a list like that. But the thought of places like Deadspin being all queued up, ready to fucking make fun of Dave

and Barstool, and then being like, he's actually the hero of the internet right now. It is wild. They had a little conference call they called a meeting they had they were in their war room like what do we do and they were like maybe we can still run it and maybe we can still say it and then they ultimately they were like nah just go to the bullpen call in kirk shilling and dodge a bullet the uh so one was uh kelly loffler the uh senator in georgia two was trump three was rudy gobert and then four was four is chilling so that's what i mean like

those first three people are like inherently tied to 2020 you know everybody knows the name rudy gobert obviously trump kelly loeffler and then kurt schilling like no way dude no fucking way that was going to be all about over the kaepernick stuff that was going to be all about dave calling the election for trump that was going to be all about all the things that Dave went viral for in the bad way and they had to throw it out the window because Dave has basically absolved himself of everything I mean this definitely doesn't

even make anything any sense at all this currently like it's just it's just listing his stuff that he has done in like the past yeah I'm telling you that is the most believable and reasonable conspiracy theory ever. Of course,

we haven't gotten to his collection of world war two memorabilia, which consists of enough swastikas. And as a scary to prompt one historian declared, Schilling has some kind of fetish with Nazi. That happened in like a year, 2020, six years ago. Yeah.

I mean, that's crazy. And email to the Arizona Republican 2019 Schilling announced strokes and eye rolls that were, he was considering running for Congress. It's like like they just needed a good old plug it in and it'll always play with this audience and that's kurt schilling okay so they're just saying he tweeted he had dumb tweets i don't even i don't that was that that that alone once once you get past the satisfaction of how good this is if that ever wears off of the like

wow look at all these business owners that's the next step of just thinking about how much that threw a wrench into their stupid fucking list like here's like here's kurt spelling democrats wrong okay that that was supposed to be dayboard that was dayboard knowing they had a whole write-up ready to go and Spelled a word wrong on Twitter. You're the number four idiot of the year in 2020. That, to me, so the B asterisk RSTOL crowd, the people who will not write out Barstool, they are having a tough time with the Barstool fund.

But when it first started, I thought we were just funding it i didn't understand that it was like crowdsourcing everything or getting like donations so when dave was like we're just going to fund you through the whole pandemic i was like i don't think this can happen but then when you you know you open it up to people and it kind of i saw someone say um i feel like this is what taxes should be like. Yeah. This is probably how it should go. It's like this is, you know, we get money taken out, and then when we need it for real things, like, we can get it back. So Dave and Liz and, like, everybody else who's doing it,

I don't know where it stops. It has slowed down a little bit, but, like I said, if the normal people are slowing down only to give way to like the bigger names then this thing can go crazy you know yeah i mean it's slowed down but also like i think dave announced like basically over a million dollars in donations like today right three or four celebrities right so that's and that's what i mean if those big fish keep coming in and uh it's if i had like tons of I would – this is the best way to directly help people and then also get like the best PR of your life. Yeah.

Like if you're a public relations company right now and you're not – and you're looking for ways to like – yes, you should be donating to charities just for like the good of it. But also people do these things for their own purposes. Like it's the ultimate PR move. Because you can donate to a million charities, but you're not going to get the publicity that this thing gets. It is the ultimate move right now. If I was like, take all the money. Take all my money.

You can have it all, and you'll get it all back in the form of goodwill from the entire world. Which, in PR sense, is also what we're doing. For five-star reviews of Friday Night Pints uh you get five dollar donation johnny stepped up uh anybody who rates so friday night pints is now a uh audio feed on itunes so anybody who five star review and leaves a five star rating and leaves a review and screenshots it and sends it to the replies to John's tweet with hashtag Barstool Fund. I think it's I think I think there's like about a couple of hundred responses already.

So they're definitely at a couple of grand. Probably we'll keep it open until the end of day today in the day that you're listening to this end of Tuesday. We'll just make it easy that way. And whatever it's at, whatever, how many five-star reviews there are that have been tweeted, then we'll give five bucks for all that. It'll probably be, I would guess, probably another two grand or so, 2,500 bucks. I mean, you're putting up big numbers, man.

You already put up five, 2,500. Johnny Moneybags is funding. Been drinking a lot. Yeah. There could be worse drunk decisions you know what i mean uh but but and by the way just like the friday night pines feed is now up so i feel like there's probably a lot of people who watch friday night pines but probably a lot of people like if you're more of a podcast listener you might not have tuned in on friday nights for an hour right an hour long video is something like a lot of people might not watch but i think it's something you would definitely

listen to so and when i think about it i've always thought like if we were all more on the same page back when bars like when podcasts first started there should have just been like a barstool podcast and it should have been like a couple of hosts and then a rotating cast of barstool characters which is exactly what friday night p is. So really, if you like us, and you listen to us as you are right now, it's us plus, you're going to get like five Barstool personalities every week.

That should be a big podcast. And like the rate that advertisers are buying, like that's, you know, you're getting major names from a major media company every single week. So go subscribe to that. Don't just listen. Actually subscribe. Rate it and review it. It makes our lives week. So go subscribe to that. Don't just listen. Actually subscribe.

Rate it and review it. It makes our lives easier. It does really, really help us. We never did. We were like anti. I believe we explicitly told people not to review this podcast and not to rate it

and not to subscribe to it. It's the ultimate. Boy, was that a mistake. We shot ourselves in the foot so fucking bad that that that is the ultimate like uh too cool for school man like i'm no i'm gonna carry this this fucking heavy backpack one strap only because i want to look cool i don't want to say rate review and subscribe although i do think it does sound like i do hate it it sounds like it's like people just say it

or like when comics just read, I'm going to be at this comedy club on this date and this date but you got to get this fucking information out there because that's how you grow. Like you do have to rate, review, and subscribe. You know, I really blame this fucking Apple. They put too much stock in it. It's too much. There's too much. You get

too much credit for a rate, review, and subscribe. Like Nick just said, Friday Night Pints is the top 20 podcast in the world. No, it's not right. But because people are rating, we were subscribed. So like, if you can just go click the fucking button for us,

it makes all the difference in the world. And we want Friday night points to be as big as it can be. So go over there, do that. One last thing before we get into our voicemails, it's brought to you by cross rope. I got it. I got a fucking, I gotta fucking start jumping rope.

I saw it. I'm looking at the Crossrope. I'm looking at the different ropes, the different weights, the different handles. I've got the app on my phone still. I just have to do it. It's the easiest way to get in shape.

It's the easiest way to build muscle. You can do cardio. You can do strength training. You can do... You do all this without having to go to the gym. It's the easiest thing. You do it in an in an apartment which is perfect too by the way because i mean you know as things are getting worse again people don't want to go to the gym you don't want to be around people it's like if there's anything that can do it if you can do a full body workout at home now is the time to fucking do it at home you can do it in a park you can do in the middle

of fucking street you can do it on a under the bridge under the bridge with the big beans bridge anyway you can do your core your back back, your shoulders, your arms, your butt. Full body exercise. Get the lungs pumping. Get your heart pumping. Build your muscle. It's fun to do. It feels like you're kind of like in the schoolyard just jumping rope, clowning around.

The app has the Get Lean program or the Get Strong program or the Get Fit bundle. So the free app will help you track your progress and uh get in shape it's the new year so everyone's got their new year's resolutions but like going to the gym i'm almost so i i'm almost like so afraid of being that asshole that's like all right it's january 3rd and i'm in the gym that like i won't i won't i will explicitly not go to the gym because you look like the johnny come latelylately fucking New Year's resolution guy. So don't be that guy. Just stay at home and do Crossrope because you can do your resolutions at home without pissing off the fucking meatheads who walk around with the gallons of water while John's dad is just sipping out of the fucking water fountain.

You can jump in as a beginner. You can get in as an expert, swap weights fast in and out uh free access to the routines and the challenges on the app go to crossrope.com slash kfc get 50 bucks off the most popular jump rope fitness bundle it is i i bet what it costs for this is like a monthly gym membership and you have it for yeah definitely definitely man. That's crossrope.com slash KFC, 50 bucks off the most popular jump rope bundle. Just quickly, Giants fans, I fucking, I absolutely hate Giants fans.

They are, it's actually staggering. I can't believe it's happening. I can't believe a fan base would be so unaware of how stupid they look complaining about this. Giants fans will not shut the fuck up about the Eagles just throwing a game that doesn't fucking matter to them, which happens all the time under different circumstances, I understand. But Week 17 happens all the fucking time. If you are 6-10, every Giants fan should say this.

Like, fuck the Eagles. They fucked us. They did us dirty. They threw a game. That totally ruined our chances. But, god damn, we're 6-10, every Giants fan should say this. Like, fuck the Eagles. They fucked us. They did us dirty. They threw a game. That totally ruined our chances. But, god damn, we're 6-10, so we don't have a leg to stand on. That's the only line you should be saying over and over and over again. The Giants have the same record as the Jets the last three years.

Really? They are identical records. They are garbage franchises. Horrific, punchline, joke, butt-of-the- are garbage franchises. Horrific, punchline, joke, butt-of-the-joke franchises, and are acting like they're anything more than that. Are acting like they deserve

the Eagles playing hard for the mighty Giants to have a shot at the fucking playoffs. Don't lose every game in your division. Don't be fucking 6-10. Don't leave it up to them. Don't leave it up to the Eagles who have every right to just be like, and who, by the way, said, like, we are gonna

put in fucking Sudfield or whatever his fucking name is. They alluded to that as I know they did it in a very, like, blatant way, but they kind of said they were gonna do it. They tanked for a better pick. In my mind, it is just a different variation of wrestling your starters. I would absolutely bitch if this was my team.

I'd be like, you fucking cowards. I don't know. I don't think you would. If you were 6-10, I'd bitch. If I was a regular person, I probably wouldn't. But if I was working for Barstool, I wouldn't make you think about it. But I would also acknowledge that Jalen Hurts has thrown for 74 yards and one interception. Would it have been?

It's like you took out this electric superstar. Don't get me wrong. He does have big play potential because he can move and stuff like that. He did have two rushing touchdowns. But what he had done as a quarterback was, I believe, 74 pass yards, 39 rush yards, two rushing touchdowns, and an interception. You're not taking out a guy who's like, oh, he's going to march down the field every fucking time. And granted, the guy they put in is maybe the worst ever to play the position. It was really stunning.

Really bad. Because honestly, everyone was so upset about it when it happened on Twitter that I was like, oh, he's going to come in and just like. Light it up. Yeah, new. And it was. New, new. He went interception first drive, fumble second drive. It was gross.

Interception again. It looked like he was not a quarterback. It looked like he was playing. They put in a fucking special teams guy to play quarterback. It's actually what they did is actually meter to Nate Sudfeld than it was to Giants fans. Yes, definitely. This man is clearly not prepared to be doing what you have him doing on a national stage where everyone is watching and everyone's already volatile about it.

Just leave him on the bench. He's not ready. I don't think he's ever going to be ready because I think he's like year four, right? And I think, you know what? Now they have the answer probably, though. It's like, I don't know. We're going to go draft a fucking backup quarterback because this guy fucking sucks. Probably had a pretty good guess.

Probably do. Probably had a pretty good guess. Probably do. Probably had a pretty good guess before that. And now Giants fans are so concerned with whether the Eagles locker room is going to respect Doug Peterson anymore. You don't give a fuck about that. You do not fucking care

if Doug Peterson is... The people talking about integrity and sportsmanship and all that shit, get the fuck out of here. Wait, I... My entire football season was talking about tanking and throwing games. And nobody seemed to have a problem with that.

Everybody seemed to be on board with the idea of the Jets or the Jags losing games on purpose. There was no talk about the NFL brand taking a hit when the Jets sent six or seven on a fucking Hail Mary and let the Raiders win. Nobody was like, oh, the NFL will never recover from this. It was like, yeah, the fucking Jets did something idiotic to potentially lose a game on purpose because that's what they're trying to do. I don't know if the Eagles wanted to move up a few spots. They don't give a fuck about the Giants or their fans

or any other team, really. And I don't think they should. I don't think any team in pro sports owes any other team and especially another team's' fan bases, anything. What is the, I can't think of the guy, I believe he's the New York Post guy who everyone hates. Berman? No, Gary Myers?

No, well, yeah, but, Phil Mushnick. I think it was Gary Myers who I think had the tweet, where he was just like, remember in 2007 when Tom Coughlin pulled out every stop to beat the Patriots because he felt like he owed it to the integrity of the league. It's like, first of all, how did it work out for him? Right.

Tom Brady set the all-time passing touchdown record that game. Randy Moss did the all-time receiving touchdown record that game. Like, Congratulations. Obviously they went on to beat us in the Super Bowl, but in that game it didn't fucking matter. And also, the difference too, though, is the Eagles had nothing to play for. The Giants were like... I think his argument was

the Giants already locked up a playoff spot, so they didn't have anything to play for either. But it's like they still had their starters in there because they still wanted to win that game. Sure. But that's a very big, like that, there is a difference in being like,

we are going to the playoffs. This is another playoff team. I want to like go balls to the wall against good competition to get ready, blah, blah, blah. The Eagles have none of that

and they don't give a fuck if the Giants make it or the Redskins make it and they want to get a better, they want to get a look at this guy or they want to rest. They don't want to,

this guy, if they have just said like, yeah, we don't, we don't want Jalen Hurst to get a better they want to get a look at this guy or they want to rest they don't want to this guy if they've just said like yeah we don't we don't want Jalen Hurst to get injured that's it okay done that's all they should have said and it would have been like well then what so so when you are when you are the Steelers who have clinched there what's best for them is to rest their starters and that totally fucks over the Browns made it

and whoever like was on the outside looking in Dolphins so like are the Dolphins fucking crying their eyes out? No. And I understand this is a different circumstances, but it's the same kind of idea where it's like, well, we either want it to rest together. The Dolphins were winning again.

The Dolphins did control their own destiny. So I know the Dolphins aren't in a 10-6. Yeah. So somebody gets fucked and the Browns get to walk in because Big Ben didn't even take a snap because they decided to throw the game last fucking week. But nobody says anything about that because that's some accepted form

of throwing the game. You're allowed to throw those games. But this form of throwing the game, which equally means nothing, just on the other side of the spectrum, is apparently going to ruin the integrity of the league. Nobody will think about this in – Giants fans will, but not a single person will care about this in two hours. It's crazy, too.

Like, they're 6-10. You're 6-10. 6-10. You're going to go get your dicks kicked in. The only time the Patriots missed the playoffs during their fucking run, they were 11-5. Yeah, that's crazy. When you're 10-6, you don't make it. It sucks.

When you're 11-5 and you don't make it, that's fucking insanity. 11-5 is crazy town. Insanity, man. Okay, finally, let's get to it. Voicemails. They're brought to you by SimpliSafe. You know, everybody got a lot of nice gifts over the holidays. You got a lot of nice belongings now that you got to take care of.

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The protected by Viper stand back. Yes. So the commercial for that when I was a kid, that was a car alarm. And it had this – the commercial had a hologram Viper that-huh that scared away the burglars and i was like six at the time and i thought that was the alarm i thought it had a car like that projected a fucking snake that would scare away burglars like i can't steal that car there's a viper in it probably works i would i wouldn't steal a fucking car with a snake maybe either go to simply safe or just load your house up with snakes could you imagine if you were a burglar

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like a security footage, somebody like slips on the ice or whatever the fuck happens. And then you post it and you go viral. So there's a little bonus for you you get a free camera and you'll maybe be uh you'll get that internet cloud up when you go to simply safe s-i-m-p-l-i safe.com slash kfc radio get the free camera and a 60-day risk-free trial so there's nothing to lose that's simply safe.com slash kfc radio uh got a quick question for you. Not sure how it came to mind, but considering the fact that girls don't need to orgasm to have children, but the men do, if women had to orgasm to also,

like both sides had to orgasm to have a kid. How much of a fluctuation, how different do you think the population would be if women had to get off as well as men while having sex? If it had to

be from the dick, the sex, the girl has to come from penetration with the penis. I think the world population would be cut in like. Like less than half. I think. I think.

I think. I think it'd be like a quarter of the people running around. I think you're probably. It's so hard to make chicks come with your dick dude. I. I. I. I do not think it's hard to make chicks come in general.

I think. With my fingers in my mouth. I think. I think it's pretty fucking easy. I just. Rub it a bunch. But with your dick. It's super hard if that if that was the if that was the requirement if you had to have a love baby of orgasms could you imagine that when you know when people like we're trying i always that's always a funny phrase the we is funny and then the word trying it's like

oh so you're fucking huh yeah but yeah he comes inside me now right yeah he leaves it in he just dumps it in like but like as we speak there's cum dripping out of me all right i don't even know that girl when the girls kind of like like hold their breath like this is gonna hold the cum in it's like no it's just a hole it's just dripping out of it but when you say you're trying that means you're just like laying on your back getting stuffed right but if you had to make somebody come, it's like I'm trying. You know, like imagine if you had to get good at sex to have – to procreate. I honestly think that's the way it works. Like I'm not sure.

I don't believe that it's easier to get pregnant if you both have orgasms. You think if she does come that she's going to get pregnant? Is that what you're saying? I think... It helps? This is straight from my medical degree. I think that the fallopian tubes open more with an orgasm and therefore it's easier to get pregnant. Don't hate that.

I think the fallopian tubes is where the cum goes. It just... Yeah. Yeah? Something... I don't know if it's the egg that goes through the fallopian tubes or the cum goes it's just uh yeah yeah something well i don't know if it's the egg that goes through the fallopian tubes or the cum that goes to the fallopian tubes but the float the fallopes are an important part yeah yeah they they they're the highway of the baby express system and i think that there's less traffic when you've been coming yeah i have well not more traffic no less traffic yeah you're saying you'd have more babies if they came more.

So it'd be like more traffic, like more cum would be getting in. Oh, okay. Okay, yeah. I meant less things are impeding their travel. Yeah, so the open road when you're coming. Yeah. Yeah, it makes sense. You come and just like open up.

Yeah, everything relaxes. Yeah. You're like, oh, okay. Yeah. I think that's a pretty scientific answer for me. I think that there should be, it should almost be like in a, like in a video game where you like,

if, if you hit the right combination of buttons and the right things happen, like if you, I feel like if you come at the same time from sex, baby, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's just like,

this is going to result in a human. This is, it's, it's too much. I can't believe you're both coming at the same time also her eyes roll into the back of her head and then it has like like a like a roulette thing going not roulette uh slot machine slot machine that's that's i don't know if you ask me that's how pregnancy works i've never seen someone get pregnant but if i had to take a guess, that's what happens. Dude, I never, you know, a famous fucking one hitter here. Like, but when people are trying and they're doing like the apps and the timing and they lay upside down and like, it's so unbelievably graphic.

Like you said, it's like my husband comes in me all the time and I lay upside down. So that come really sticks. You know, we do it in this position. So that come gets really deep inside. comes in me all the time, and I lay upside down so that cum really sticks. You know, we do it in this position so that cum gets really deep inside me. Then he fucking glues me up so it can't fall out. Like a fucking apartment in Wuhan during the pandemic. We're going to seal you in until this shit's over. Once my husband comes in me,

he gets a staple gun out and he fucking hammers this labia together. It's an unbelievable. You talk to your parents. You talk to your parents about it. Like, yeah, like, you know, we're trying. It's like, I fucking hit it from the back and leave it in now. You know what? I'm not pulling out and coming on her tits anymore.

That's what we're talking about here. It's fucking crazy but i i do think uh i mean i think it's super hard to make you know chicks come with dick i don't think it is i don't think it's that hard i i think it it depends on like if you or they're just very good fakers i think i think when you fuck a girl who knows how to get herself off and you have consistent sex. It's a group effort but I think she's still kind of doing more of the work. Yeah, it's like, I'll handle this. You lay there. I'm going to be your fucking

pub mate. Yes, right. And I can change up the speed and maybe the angle in a couple positions but I always say this. God putting a dick in the middle of your hips for you to maneuver

and use is so hard it's literally the one spot you're told as a as like a baseball hitter or like or playing defense

like always look at their hips watch his hips can't lie with his hips yes hips don't lie man and like you know with your fingers

your mouth your hands your arms like everything else is like I'll just fucking beat this thing until it's fucking done I could come down on you like fucking Dion and be like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop,

boop, boop, boop. But guess what? Hasn't moved one fucking inch. Right here. That's what I mean. Hasn't made a whole hullabaloo. And that just stayed perfectly still. It's crazy.

So, I mean, all you can do is, I mean, that's, that's, right? I mean, I'm not doing it wrong. Am I? It's kind of, it's right. I mean, I'm not doing it wrong. Am I? It's kind of up to them. Well, this is basically just reverting back to nipple talk. I think you're doing great. I will make you cum a thousand times with the rest of my body. But with my dick, all bets are off.

All bets are off. You will walk away with your legs wobbling, just not from a penis. Next up. Yo, KFC, Fights, and Nick, I guess you're producing the show now. So I'm in a bit of a predicament, and I need y'all's help here. So there's this girl, and she's really into me. And it's wild because she's into all the stuff that I'm into, like football, cars, the whole nine. And she's also, her family is, like, really rich.

That's something else. But the problem is I just don't find her attractive. I don't know what to do. She wants to get with me. She's trying to hook up with me, and I just don't know about the whole thing. I just don't find her attractive. All the right signs is like yes, but when I just look at her, it's just like a no. All of the right signs are not saying yes.

The most important signs. What does this even mean? You know what you just described? A friend. Like, you know what? John likes to watch football with me. We always agree on the podcast. We do this podcast together.

We like the same movies. We like to eat at the same places and drink. It's just I don't want to fuck him. I don't find him attractive. So should I date him? So should i date him so should i date him no i think that is a part of the um the plight of the man i think sometimes if you're like look we get along like i said i guess i should date her like a girl would just not date someone who's not attracted to no now granted girls are attracted to people who look like me and you but that's the problem that But that's not like they're dating someone who they're not attracted to.

They're just attracted to ugly people. Right. Their version of attraction doesn't involve looks. Idiots. It's crazy. Girls will fuck fat people. They'll fuck ugly people. It's nuts.

And you just be like, they would never just be like, well, I don't know. He likes to watch movies with me. So I got to. I just find him repulsive. So, yeah, I'll let him come at me. Because we both like Fast and the Furious. But also, isn't that, well, I guess maybe this is kind of a different version of the plight of man, though, where it's like yeah it's like it's so it feels so rare

when you find a girl who's just like cool and likes to do the things you do that you're like i guess i will go against the very fiber of my being which is rejecting her sexually because i will deny hard to find decades of of dna and science right and i'll be like i'm not doing it well i'm like i not doing it. Well, I am doing it. Yeah, I am doing it. To me,

that's, I think that's more of a plight of man and maybe an indictment of some chicks where it's like, it feels so special that you share common interests with someone of the opposite sex that you will maybe stoop as low as being with someone who's ugly. I just do not find her visually appealing. And that sounds shallow, but it's who's ugly. He's just like, he's just straight. I was like, but I just do not find her visually appealing.

And that sounds shallow, but it's like really not. It's just like this, that the most basic form of attraction is whether or not you find it like visually pleasing. And then from there you build everything else. Right. We can work from there. And when I actually do.

And it's like, should be the same way with me too. For sure. I actually believe. You don't find me visually appealing. You shouldn't fucking try and be with me. Do you think that there's like a little bit of truth to like the shallow how movie like as you if you fall in love with someone and you like start to find the rest of them is really great that like they actually become a little more like physically

appealing to you uh probably i bet that happens on some level where it's like you know like you're all right you're like kind of you're kind of cute you're kind of hot and then like you find out they're great and it's like you, I want to jump your bones. As someone who owns a mirror, they're definitely plausible overlooked. Because we like the same movies. And how far that bar has fallen, you know, where it's like, well, we both have Hulu, so let's fucking, let's be monogamous. No, it's so fucked up.

She has Hulu, I have Netflix. And that's the power of our rings combined. Wind, rain, heart. Wow, that's what marriage is. You have Netflix, I have Hulu. Let's throw our rings together like Captain Planet.

Unbelievable. Next up. I mean, straight up, this one's just kind of mean. Towards us? Is this going to be mean? Yeah. Fuck. Hey, guys. So I just saw this TikTok trend that was what's the most concerning thing about your

body that you haven't gotten fixed yet? And the first thing that popped into my mind was that Fights has like 97 things that are extremely concerning that are wrong with his body that he hasn't gotten fixed yet. So, curious as to what your guys' are. John, put your phone down for a second.

John, put your phone down. Just look at me. We guys have a talk. Why was your hand so pink? Oh, God. I don't know know i don't know what that was you medium rare pink i mean that the coloration of john posted a picture on the internet where he was like holding something it's holding baby yoda and did the classic like the point of the picture was baby yoda and guess what nobody gave a fuck about because your pink fucking sock of a hand pink sock was just out for the world to see the thing is though it wasn't that color

like as soon as that picture was posted it looked and you're like no it's it was very immediate like well that's what people need to realize about the fucking like pictures on the internet is like i was just telling nick this i was like filming a video before. I was like, I looked okay. I looked normal. Press record. Finish the video. Pull it up. Hair looks terrible.

I was like, no, it didn't. It didn't until I recorded it. And then it did. That's how the internet works. Your hand was white, then it became pink. I tweeted it. You tweet, and then you immediately go look at your notifications. And sometimes you get a few likes, a few retweetsweets whatever i already had eight responses like oh no what the

fuck yeah and i went back to look at the picture i was like wait and i like looked at my hand and i was like i think casey and my girlfriend were over and i was like i was like my hand isn't that color right they were like you're right it isn't but on that picture it is i mean that looked like you like had a pink glove on yeah that was thatarring. And actually, you know what's crazy, too? I had looked at the picture. And you thought it was okay. And I actually see my feet in the picture. Yeah, I saw that, too.

I was like, my feet actually don't look so bad. Right? I saw that, too. I was like, all right, we'll post it. Oh, my God. No, wait, that's not real. That's real? That's real?

That's the picture? No, it's not. That TV. That's with no No, wait, that's not real. That's real? That's the picture? No, it's not. That TV. That's with no filter. Look, it's your tweet. Okay, I mean, that's... But, like, that, you know what that is? That's the Game of Thrones. We need to adjust the contrast on the screen. I mean, that looks legitimately like a a, a,

I don't know, I can't even... It's Tinker in his fucking ears! It looks like Patrick the Starfish, right? That's what I noticed. I was like, that's, and the ears are like, they're meant to pop. Yeah. Your hands. Dude, that looks like you, you know, like that looks like you fucking put like a tourniquet on and like, yeah, get all the blood.

Like Coley said, Coley's like that fucking t-shirt. Those phalanges haven't seen any blood flow in years. It's such a shame that, uh, like this is like, this is why we just shouldn't post things on the internet. Because it's just like, I don't know. I just wanted to post the fucking baby Yoda. And credit to me, I didn't say anything. I wanted to, and I was like, oh, he's getting it enough. He's getting it enough.

I mean, that got 1.8 thousand likes and 22 retweets and 8 quote tweets and probably like a hundred replies of just being like, you're gross! Your hand's gross! I mean, your hand looks like it's straight out of Chernobyl. It is. It looks like you. Your hand looks like it had about a thousand rumpkins. I look like Alexei when the skin is just peeled off. I look like the fucking picture they hang in the science class where it's like, here's what the veins are just peeled off. I look like the fucking picture they hang

in the science class. Here's what the veins are. It's all the meat of a body without the skin on it. This is your body inside. That's what it's like outside, I guess. Oh, that reminds me. Snowpiercer on TNT. It's on HBO Max.

It's a pretty legit show. Have you ever seen the movie? I haven't seen the movie. It's got HBO Max. It's a pretty legit show. Have you ever seen the movie? I haven't seen the movie. I heard you think about the movie. It's got Daveed Diggs in it. He's like the main character. He's awesome. Daveed Diggs, he's in Hamilton, right? Yeah, he's Tom Jefferson. There is...

Have I told you, by the way, the woman who lives above me is in Hamilton? What? And I just blast Hamilton trying to get her to come downstairs. Who was she? She was the um she was angelica understudy that's still i mean that's you know second rate to like the you know it's like you're the backup to a star yeah it's it's very that's that's pretty low i'm like well

you she probably hates you she's probably like i fucking hate this guy who plays hamilton all day she follows she wouldn't want to have met her in the hallway um because my apartment is just like every floor is just one apartment so it's like we met her in the hallway and she's like you guys gotta follow me on instagram and i followed her and she had a blue check mark because she's in hamilton and uh and then she followed only my girlfriend back did not follow me back she probably probably was like, I am not going to follow that medium-rare bitch. That is low, though. Yeah, like you told me to follow you. I followed you.

That's just poor manners. And this is like, you followed her back? What the hell is that all about? Poor manners. Why did that come up? Why did I just do that? Oh, because we were talking about Hamilton and the V-Dicks. There's a scene in Snowpiercer on TV that was on TNT.

I'm watching it on HBO Max, but it's on a regular cable channel where it was one of the most aggressive things I've ever seen on television. Part of what they do, do you know the premise of it at all? Not really. It's post-apocalyptic world. The temperature outside is like negative 200 degrees, so they're on a perpetual a train that just rolls around the world okay and um they when the when the train was first leaving the like everyone all the rich

people had tickets and like poor people like stormed the train and like we're going to survive too so the the train is like a first class second class third class and then like the poor people and the poor people they try to like there's like insurrections, they try to throw rebellions and then punishment is they open up a little portal and they put your arm out into the cold

and it freezes and then they smash it with a hammer. Jeez. And they show it. They almost do it to a child. And I was like,

are they gonna fucking chop this arm off of a kid? And then a parent steps in and you watch it freeze and they bring it back in and they gently tap it with a hammer and they smash it with a fucking sledgehammer and it's icy, but it's

meaty. It's pink like your hand and they fucking show it. And I was like, this is, I mean, I kind of just watched a lot of TV over the break and I was just like, alright, I'll give this a shot. And I was like this is i mean i kind of just watched i mean i watched a lot of tv over the break and i was just like i'll give this a shot and i was like i've never seen a scene like this i was like whoa i was like gripping my seat like and it's just regular as fucking tnt wild i also watched the worst best shows ever the netflix series manhunt

worst acting of all time. But great topics. Do you know the fucking, the Olympic bombing story is not told enough. I mean, they did make a big movie about it. Yeah. But even that, I think it kind of flopped, so not enough people

watched it and really gave it enough credit. It got really good reviews, but just no one saw it. I think people just over Clint Eastwood. I think people were mad that they overly sexualized Olivia Wilde's character. But, well, whatever. This series I watched, I think that chick just was like a hoe.

Oh, really? Part of the story is that journalist used to fuck cops for information. But the pinning of the bombing on an innocent man and then the guy who did do it the guy who did do it hid in the woods for five years what the fbi the bombing was in 96 he bombed a abortion clinic and a gay club in like 97 and 98 to try to make it look like it was a religious thing when he was just like an agent of chaos. He wanted to kill cops.

So then he hid in the mountains of Nantahala, which is down in like North Carolina. And he got caught in 2003. He hid out. The FBI surrounded the entire like mountainside and they just waited for five years. What? And he was that good. He like lived on the run till 2003.

Like that is, we should know that story yeah we should know that this guy bombed the olympics and then went on the run and he he had the locals on his side because they thought it was religious and then the militia helped him and then the militia learned that he was responsible for the olympic bombing so the militia and the feds worked together and it's like this awesome story in american history that like is that show like is that one episode no it's 10 episodes it's like this awesome story in american history that like is that show like is that one episode no it's 10 episodes it's like a series okay so manhunt i've seen manhunt unabomber so that's i'm i'm like in the middle of or like a couple episodes into that one which is it seems to be better acting yeah unabomber is pretty good yeah this is like uh bad acting uh

really bad acting yeah but the topic is just dude the unabomber one is the one the same thing like where it's like i I didn't know this. With that, we just created Ted Kaczynski. Right. Who, by the way, Ted Kaczynski is pretty awesome. If he didn't – if he wasn't a domestic terrorist, he – I mean he's like literally the smartest person to ever live. His IQ is off the fucking charts. If he used his powers for good, he would have been like the coolest, most badass dude ever.

He's like if you if you ever want to root for the bad guy, you and the bomber is pretty good. But you like it's once you get to I think it's like episode eight or nine when you when they describe how we like we just created him. Yeah. He was part of a psychological experiment as a 15 year old or 16 year old at Harvard where he was just relentlessly and mercilessly mocked by the peers he looked up to more so than anybody in the world. And like he was it was like a psychological evaluation to see if like Russian terrorists or whatever. And it's like, well, guess what? Here we go. You just got it. You got it. You gave him a stressor.

He snapped. I don't know if this is like a real story or not, but there's one episode where he, because he had his whole thing against technology or whatever, and the story he told in that series, at least, was that he heard a mockingbird singing the tune of a car alarm, doing like the, er-ee, er-ee, and he was like, this is something that's supposed to be so pure and natural that we've ruined with technology, and I was like, I don't know, you're making a lot of good points. We really became a fucking disgusting world of robots.

But I think Netflix figured out the same way they make bad movies that hit the algorithm, I think they figured out series too. But Manhunt and Unabomber came out like four years ago. I didn't know they were still doing that. I thought that was just a one-off or something like that. It's from Discovery, right? this is the second one now. Is the second one kind of what Netflix does where they just bought it? I think so.

Because Manhunt Unabomber was on Discovery. They just slapped a name on it. Yeah. So I think they're just like, this is like bad actors, not like high quality. Manhunt Unabomber, they're all good actors. Manhunt Unabomber is like. Well, was it? I mean, I'm only a couple episodes in, so I didn't really.

It's like they're, I don't know about all of them, but like Ted Kaczynski is famous. The guy, the water guy is... He's also famous. They're not like, you know, they're not Oscar nominated. Right, right. They're like professionals, at least. I just think that if they... When they like slapped a Netflix name on it now, they used to do that with movies.

Yeah, like Sam Worthington. And now... Sam Worthington, he's a dude in Avatar. He's like Avatar, Clash of the Titans, Terminator. Right, I know Clash of the Titans. Fractured. They're like real actors, at least. Yeah.

The other ones are. Hacksaw Ridge. But I would watch. He's also already getting credit for Avatar 4. Fuck Avatar. All right, one more voicemail. It's brought to you by Miller Lite. Oh, he's in

everest everest was great anytime you're gonna sit down you're gonna watch a netflix special you're gonna watch a netflix series you're gonna watch a bad movie a good movie a uh a guilty pleasure nothing paul bettany's ted kaczynski who's that paul bettany is in um like a knight's tale um you know with... That was just an... That's the perfect Fidelberg. He's a legit actor. He's in a Knight's Tale. Well, he's also a beautiful mind. He's the invisible guy in a beautiful mind.

Oh, right, right, right. Da Vinci Code. Oh, he's fucking... What's his dick to in Avengers? Vision. Vision, yeah. I don't think I realized that. I think they did a decent enough job of making him look different, whatever. Yeah, he's the real deal.

So whether you're watching Avengers, Netflix, whatever it is, you open up a cold Miller Lite, and it makes any entertainment that much better. You're listening to the podcast? Open up a cold Miller Lite. You're watching TV? Miller Lite. Because you know what?

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12 ounces, 96 calories, 3.2 grams of carbs, and 1 gram of protein. Celebrate responsibly with a Miller Lite. Last one, let's go. Hey KFC, I just had to change the locks on my house for, you can probably

guess the reason, but me and you come up with a question. If you had one key to unlock every lock in the world, what's the first lock that you'd open up? Viva. I guess you had a crazy girl. Yeah.

Under the context of this show, that was where I went with it. Also, by the way, before we get into this one, what was the last voicemail? Oh, yeah. What would you change about your body? I know. Literally all of it. Yeah. I would change.

I would definitely. I go jawline first. How about this? What would you change about my body and what would I change about your body? What would I change about your body? I would change my literal body. Like, I don't have a body part. I need, like, the whole fucking thing from the neck down to be different.

And I don't need it to be aesthetic. It can look exactly the same way. I just need it to function. What does that even mean? I'm only going aesthetics. No, I know. I know. I'm saying I need it.

I mean, it's broken. My whole body is broken. I was just thinking that picture of you that YP took in Minnesota. Yeah. You're in like the Patriots pants. Yeah. And that's what he was trying to focus on. Yeah.

Like, look who Kevin's wearing. And it was just like, you had love handles like way out. Yeah. I'd probably shave those off for you. I would have to change that schnoz. Fix my nose? But you like your nose, right? I don't like it.

I don't dislike it. What do you call it? A Roman nose or something like that? Caesar. Caesar. Someone told me that one time. Someone on the same boat who told me that also told me it was Sean Penn. Those are the two I've stuck with.

Sean Penn, it is a, you know. Sean Penn nose. Yeah, it does look like Sean Penn. It's just that Sean Penn's nose is attached to Sean Penn. Your nose is attached to Vidal Park. I wouldn't be like, no, you can look like Sean Penn. It's just that Sean Penn's nose is attached to Sean Penn. Your nose is attached to Vidal Park. I wouldn't be like, no, you can't touch my nose. I don't have a real connection to it, but I also don't have an aversion to it either. Just like, whatever.

That's the beauty of being a guy. It's like, it doesn't really matter. Girls, it's like this one thing will ruin my life. And guys, it's like, whatever. Yeah, I got a big nose, but I got a successful podcast. So whatever. Dude, by the way, I've been watching Criminal Minds a lot, I mentioned. And it is so weird seeing them come into – I didn't give up on it.

It's just like you play for 20 years. I'm going to kind of stop paying attention to it all that much. But I'm with a more current – it ended this year. So it went on about a 20-year run. Shit. And I'm with – I current – it ended this year. So it was on a 20-year run. And I'm with – I think I'm in like 2017 and like they're like investigating a killer and they're trying to get her – Using a podcast or something like that. She's like, I'm only talking if it's on my podcast. And they're like truthers and she's like talking about, I don't know, some big government conspiracy bullshit.

And she's like, see? It actually does – it is kind of interesting when like an FBI agent is just like – it's like, no, what you're doing just doesn't work because every time I say something happened, you're going to go, well, no. Yeah. Like, well, that's bullshit. Right. Well, yes, then you can have a conspiracy theory because every time I give you the answer to your question, you go, that's not true. And it's like, but you just have to accept that, like, life. I think it was actually pretty interesting what they said, like, with the JFK stuff.

Like, you know, JFK couldn't have been killed by some random dude because, like, huge moments have to have huge causes. And it's like, that just doesn't, that's not the way the world works. I was like, that's actually a pretty good point. That's their reason for the conspiracy? There has to be a huge cause? Sometimes it's just like chaos. It's just how the human brain works. Something monumental has happened.

It must have had a monumental cause. Some crazy person just shot a guy. That guy happened to be president. It is... That's actually a pretty good thing. All this was happening on her podcast. The the Olympic bomber was just like at one point that, you know, they're like there are some people who are motivated by religion. There are some people who do this because of like spite.

And he's like, this guy just does it because he likes to do it. He just blew people up because he could because he won a game. I just thought the Richard Jewell, who's the main guy, he was the BTK in Mindhunter. Richard Jewell's BTK? You never really see BTK in Mindhunter. No, not that. Who's the one who's like 6'10"?

Oh, Ed Kemper. Yeah, so I guess that's the same guy. Okay. So I guess there's some legit activity. If you had a key that opened every lock in the world, what would the first lock you would open? I mean, I guess like a bank vault. I was going to say Keith's filing cabinet by his desk.

What's in there? What does he keep locked in there? He's just the only person who locks it in for a while. What does he keep in there? I got to see what's in it. What does he keep in there? And I mean, like, I've seen it, but there's nothing in it. It's just the fact that he locks it.

He just opens it, I can see. It's just the fact that he locks it makes me want the ability to unlock it whenever I want to. Isn't that philosophical for you? You tell me what not to do, I want to do it. We're across the street from a Chase Bank.

You know what I do want to do? I would go to like uh what are they the swiss safety deposit bank play uh account the box that's what i'm trying to say yeah that's isn't that where they they like fucking keep nazi secrets and american secrets because like switzerland is neutral yeah but like it's also weird because i guess i guess it's just they can't be subpoenaed. In America, they don't check what you put in your safety deposit box. It's not like they have to know what you put in it. But I think if push came to shove in an investigation, they could. Yeah, but not in Switzerland.

But if I had that key. And that would be the thing. They'd be like, you're not the owner. But it's like, you know what I mean? Turn the key. It works. You don't have to fucking do it. All right, that's it for us.

So you can do two things here you can head over to uh wait leave review on the kfc radio yeah page okay all right that's it for us uh so do us a favor as we mentioned earlier go over to the kfc radio uh itunes account and leave us a rating and a review and you can also leave us an answer for what you would open what key would you use and what would you open in this world uh also head over to youtube if you're watching on kfc radio and you want to watch our episodes leave a comment below what what key would you use to open and we'll chop it up with you and leave some comments as well so get engaged get involved leave a review leave a comment and

we'll see you guys next week I've got some issues that nobody can see And all of these emotions are pouring out of me I bring them to the light for you It's only right This is the soundtrack to my life The soundtrack to my life To my life To my life To my life To my life to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my life, to my